Datasets:

quocanh34

/

mental_health_dataset_1

like 5

anonymous19891986

What does this look like for someone with ptsd who's working with a therapist? My friend says her healing will take a decade. Besides the regularly scheduled therapy session, what does this process look like?

2019-08-24T22:29:07.000Z

cv02zy

ptsd

The Road to Healing

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cv02zy/the_road_to_healing/

Sugarplums01

Hi all, overdosed again this time enough to kill me. over 9000mg of zoloft, and 1250mg of quetiapine. The meds were locked up in my parent's room so I picked the lock. OD'ed later at night. Dad found out meds were gone and after an hour of searching called an ambulance. Wht happens when you OD? I don't really know. I was only hypertensive when they got there. Mentally compared to last week/last attempt I was more present. I had an IV drip things as per usual, and had to choke down charcoal. Was in and out of consciousness. Blood pressure was very low to the point where I couldn't move, stand, situp, etc. I didn't throw up or have diarrhea once- probably cause I hadn't eaten that day. blood Back from hospital. School starts next week. Im fat and hideous and am terrified. Again I don't know how to move on with life. i don't want to continue living in constant fear and depression.. sorry wanted to rant. pls take care of yourselves <3

2019-08-24T22:05:16.000Z

cuzsxz

ptsd

attempted suicide again. what now?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cuzsxz/attempted_suicide_again_what_now/

Parzival_Wade2024

I think i have PTSD but I'm not having any nightmares and I sleep without any problems. I saw a girl cutting herself in class and after a few months I started feeling bad and only about 3 weeks ago i found about PTSD.

2019-08-24T20:09:26.000Z

cuyelv

ptsd

Is it possible to have PTSD without nightmares?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cuyelv/is_it_possible_to_have_ptsd_without_nightmares/

The1TruWoo

Thanks to all who have reached out or just listened to me vent. We all are in this together. Much love to all.

2019-08-24T19:33:59.000Z

cuxyue

ptsd

Thank you.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cuxyue/thank_you/

takenbydaylight

I know that the title seems dramatic, but please look at it in a literal sense. \-Backstory Time My mother was married four times, and her third husband, was addicted to pills. I didn't know it at the time, because he had been in my life since I was two, I just remembered being afraid of this man. He was 6'3 so being 8 (when the abuse started to get really bad) he looked and had this ..presence about him. You would get a feeling in the pit of your stomach in the same way that people afraid of heights would look up at a skyscraper. We moved around, a lot. 13 times in 10 years, mostly because he would lose his job because of his addiction to Oxycontin and Valium, he'd run out and not function. When his job prospects dried up, we moved. That marriage lasted 10 years. My mother, who by the way has her own issues like bulimia, body dysphoria, and being bipolar didn't help, claims that she didn't know what was going on. If I did ANYTHING outside of what Jim (his name) thought I should be like, I was beaten, like if I glanced at the TV for a second before my chores were done, my mom would inform him and I'd get my ass handed to me. On the weekends, females stayed in the house and did housework, males went outside and did yard work. Females were to wear only pink or clear nail polish, and the boys only received military style haircuts. Cartoons were on Saturdays only, the day we had our GI Party, aka a General Inspection Party or for normal people, a cleaning day. Everything was routine, anything falling out of line was ..taken care of. My mother acted like the Warden and He was the Judge, Jury and Punisher. I know, it doesn't sound too bad so far compared to what some people go through but when I turned 8 or 9, things got physical. He would drag me and my brother around the house by our necks, by my hair, choked us and stared us in the eyes while he screamed at us. I remember him throwing tennis shoes and glass ashtrays at me because I had a sinus infection and couldn't chew with my mouth closed. I cleaned my room, which Jim checked, and there was 1 sock on the floor, under my bed. He got in his truck and told me to go home, when I did, he started SCREAMING at me and TRASHING my room. He went through my stuff to see if I had a diary or something. I was a good kid, didn't do anything wrong (I was too afraid to) and we were poor, so no money (because of his addiction) to do anything. He was screaming that I was worthless (his favorite insult) that my father didn't even want me, and that I was a lesbian, the last one was kinda sprinkled throughout my life, which I'm not a lesbian. He also had two daughters who he cherished. This was a literal Cinderella scenario where my brother and I, although he won't admit it, were cinderella and they were the sisters with the big ass feet. My mother on the other hand has enforced his rules and ideals. Kept his addiction a secret from EVERYONE, and she KNEW that I was being beaten and berated on an almost daily basis. She mocked my weight, if I was talking to her about something the conversation would morph into something about her or what's going on with her. That part is still true to this day. So after she and Jim finished their super ugly divorce, I became mom, she worked two or three jobs. I was in high school, making dinner, making sure homework was done for my three siblings, baths and then bed. Everyday. I didn't get to see friends outside of school and Jim would frequently call the house and YELL that I was a fucking fat lesbian d\*ke and I wasn't worth the air I was breathing, saying that he would show up randomly and beat my ass if the house wasn't perfect. &#x200B; \-It's all downhill from here folks. So how do you think 16 year old me handled this? I had a nervous/mental breakdown. I was in and out of hospitals for 2 years because of failed suicide attempts, I was in the oldest mental hospital in the state and they diagnosed me this PTSD. Shocker. I was put into foster care for 9 months because my mother didn't to deal with me, so I went to go live with my real father. That didn't turn out so well, his girlfriend framed me for stealing her makeup, which she was darker than me.. so.. yeah. He sent me back because it was easier for him. That was almost 10 years ago, and my mom is still trying to control me. I'm 25 and live with MY family, in our own house, with my own job, my fiancee's family basically adopted me. I have a 2 year old son and I decided that the cycle ends with me. No more abuse, or so I thought. &#x200B; \-Almost up to speed I have issues with who I am at this point. Growing up, I was told what to do and what I could look like. I walk on eggshells all of the time, and I'm terrified of making men angry. I feel like I just realized that I am out of prison but I'm too afraid to express myself in what I want. I'm always on edge, always on the defense and I even get emotionally and sometimes verbally abusive because I feel like people are out to manipulate me or get me to do something for their best interest. I studder and getting my feelings into words can be very difficult which cause disagreements to escalate. I get frustrated because I can't say a word and then, finally, it comes out aggressive and loud. It finally came to my attention that I was starting these arguments based on assumptions and paranoia. I ask if I'm going to be fired or demoted at work from time to time. It was a week ago that I realized, other than the PTSD, that there's something else going on, that I am sick. I need help. I've tucked my pride away and I understand that my family deserves the best of me, and that I deserve to live without these mental shackles. I don't know why I can't let myself get a haircut or piercing or tattoo that I want. Buying things for myself can take a week unless it's a dire need. I can't be me, and I thought I was my own person, until I realized that I wasn't happy. I'm being walked all over at work, I just rolled with the punches. I feel like I'm awake and out of a trance or brainwashing. How do I know who I am? How do I know what my personality is? &#x200B; TL;DR abused as a kid, trying to find out who I am. &#x200B; thanks for reading guys, I feel a little better, feel free to inbox me or comment!

2019-08-24T17:38:14.000Z

cuwgda

ptsd

I am too scared to live my life how I want to.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cuwgda/i_am_too_scared_to_live_my_life_how_i_want_to/

throwaway0706199

Hi all. I hope I’m not shouting into the void today, because I really just need some advice or words of encouragement. Sorry this is long. It’s my parents. My dad has always done this thing where he hints that I shouldn’t complain about anything because he works harder than me. One example is a few days ago. I hadn’t slept in a few days due to nightmares and insomnia. I come into work (with him) and just mention “I’m so exhausted today”. He immediately goes “You know what’ll help? Working outside in the heat with me all day.” In this condescending tone. He has said to me before that I had a great childhood so why would I be sad. What he does makes me feel like he’s dismissing me and he doesn’t think what I’m going through is something I should be struggling with. (Note: both parents are aware of my ptsd and clinical depression diagnosis). My mom does another thing. She basically tries to write off my symptoms with some easy explanation. For example, I mentioned I have having terrible nightmares, and she tells me it’s because I was playing Minecraft the day before. It’s almost as if she’s saying, “oh you aren’t having nightmares because of your trauma, you’re having them because of this small thing you chose to do”. When I start to talk about my struggles, she gets sort of annoyed sounding, like she thinks I’m complaining or being dramatic. I have a huge problem with discrediting and invalidating myself. They’ve done this type of stuff since I was a teenager, so maybe that is one of the reasons I have a hard time feeling validated. They are good parents and have given me a good childhood, but that doesn’t change that I have mental illness I struggle with on the daily. I feel so alone. I’m terrible at making friends because I have trouble being intimate with people. I never stick around anywhere for long. I have my boyfriend who is wonderful, so there’s that. My little sister has also offered to help, but I’m supposed to be here role model so I try to not show her this side of me. Some role model I am. Anyway. I only have one online friend and my boyfriend. My boyfriend tries hard to be there for me, but ultimately he doesn’t really understand because he’s never been through it himself. I’m just really frustrated and feel like my family doesn’t have my back.

2019-08-24T16:13:14.000Z

cuvbs6

ptsd

My support system sucks but there are no other options.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cuvbs6/my_support_system_sucks_but_there_are_no_other/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-24T14:34:27.000Z

cuu3uv

ptsd

My first pair of nail clippers!!

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cuu3uv/my_first_pair_of_nail_clippers/

RENOYES

I had to kinda deal with my abuser yesterday, and I’ve been a mess since. Flashbacks, anxiety, panic attacks, and bing eating have been happening since. I can’t get a hold on my mind. My shrink is also out of town. Does anyone know something that might help or should I just keep dosing myself with lots of Xanax? I don’t know what to do.

2019-08-24T12:04:44.000Z

cusl27

ptsd

Could use some help or someone to talk to.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cusl27/could_use_some_help_or_someone_to_talk_to/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-24T09:16:16.000Z

cur8by

ptsd

Abandonment issues

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cur8by/abandonment_issues/

King_FatCat

hey guys. a couple of months ago there was a shooting at where i work, and 1 person was killed. i remember the whole night vividly, hiding under the tables with everyone else, fearing for my life. the weird thing is i was pretty fine on the way home, and thought i was coping fine. &#x200B; recently though, i have been really paranoid. my cats have been fighting and every time they fight and make loud noises i get really scared and on edge. i have been home alone a bit and i constantly feel like someone is home like an imposter. i don't know what to do. thanks for reading

2019-08-24T09:00:07.000Z

cur41s

ptsd

i feel like i could have ptsd from a shooting

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cur41s/i_feel_like_i_could_have_ptsd_from_a_shooting/

thespicyfoxx

I was sexually assaulted about eight years ago. He was 21, I had just turned 16 about two months prior. He had invited me over to watch tv and didn’t mention his family wouldn’t be there. He was my ride because I still wasn’t very good at driving. I blamed myself for a long time and my parents still don’t know. I was a child and he took any feeling of security from me. He knows what he did and now he has a daughter. This is how I deal with it all when it gets overwhelming in my head. I hope it helps some of you who are going through the same things. Red streaks across my skin Which makes me come to realize That I am just a clump of raw meat Chew me up and spit me out And that’s where you’ll find me A spill on the floor Visceral Warm A mere open wound for you to squirm into But am I sleeping because my eyes are closed? Am I here because I’m present? Did I say yes because you didn’t hear no? My legs are heavy They throb I shake I shatter I suffocate Bruise Choke Spit Push Squeeze Rip Ache I am dazed My mind is in a cloud But still yet there is a carnal fear That has been instilled in me Which reads the tales of stoning Being tied and torn by horses And I had heard before Of such trials and tribulations Yet I am the one who must forgive the sins of the flesh And be grateful that a split second had occurred And let some small light into a wicked heart So that some latex was thought to be hastily grabbed and worn How jubilant am I! Blessed be the fruit! Tell me How am I supposed to forgive your sins of the flesh When my flesh was not yours To sin against? I have burned in your place at this stake For far too long You Though Slithering worm Will burn for much longer I will expose you just as soon As you crawl out from beneath my skin

2019-08-24T06:06:21.000Z

cupsk0

ptsd

I’ve been writing poetry to deal with my assault. POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING. NSFW.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cupsk0/ive_been_writing_poetry_to_deal_with_my_assault/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-24T02:35:55.000Z

cunsvp

ptsd

13 Reasons Why

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cunsvp/13_reasons_why/

Daddyjulz

I had a pretty rough childhood. My dad was a user and would frequently fist fight with my mom. Went to jail almost every holiday. And the man I call dad actually adopted me. My bio dad is ALSO a user but he was way worse off. My dad doesn't even talk to me anymore. But bio dad does,,, from jail of course. When my mom and I finally left my dad when I was 10 we moved to a different state with her family and we lived with two different family members. Then we moved to a town hours away from my family when i was 12. I've been in and out of therapy since I was 9, when I told my mom I had suicidal thoughts. I blocked alot of the things from my childhood out but now that I'm living alone and getting older it's like flood gates. Recently I remembered something about my cousin from my adopted dad's side putting his hand down my pants and it's really been bothering me recently. My finances are suffering. I have only talked about it with a few people. I haven't talked to my mom about it yet. She knows I remembered something. Idk if it's a fake memory or not but I do know that side of my adopted dad's side is like big trash. My cousin and his brothers would steal shit from my house. They stopped being allowed over but I wonder if there was something else that happened and if I bring it up to her she will confirm it. Idk I'm just conflicted about all this. It's weird because the cousin recently got in contact with me. Like he brought up my house in my old state. I wonder if he was seeing if I remembered. I just needed to vent, sorry if I triggered anybody. have a good night

2019-08-24T02:32:51.000Z

cunrm9

ptsd

*trigger*diagnosed at 14, now 20

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cunrm9/triggerdiagnosed_at_14_now_20/

SwimmingCampaign

Basically I’m planning on killing myself if certain things don’t work out the way I feel like I need them to and nobody in the world is either aware of it and if they are they don’t really believe it’s going to happen/take it seriously. My PTSD (probably C-PTSD) symptoms first started happening 5 and 1/2 years ago after me and my ex girlfriend broke up. It probably wouldn’t have been possible for me to develop PTSD symptoms from that if not for the fact that I grew up being violently abused by half my family and coldly abandoned by the other half. My ex girlfriend was the first person I ever had in my life who ever truly loved me and she was the first person in my life I was ever close enough to that represented a real “family” to me. But she also broke up with me suddenly to get back together with an ex that was abusive to her. Since like April 2014, I have felt completely incapable of loving anyone, having feelings, just being attracted to anyone on a basic physical level, etc etc, until about a year ago I reconnected with an old friend of my who was somebody I also had strong feelings for back in the day. She was the first person I ever dated and the first person to ever have feelings back for me the same way I did for them. She’s always meant a lot to me and I’ve always felt some kind of unexplainable inherent connection to her. We hung out a few times and I realized that she was the first person I had felt capable of loving or trust since me and my ex broke up. We hung out off and on and she’s acted kind of strange and was sort of come and go. We talked about that and sorted it out and we’re fine friends and all.... But basically, I want to be with this person more than I have ever wanted anything in my life. I feel like this is the only thing that could ever make up for me losing my ex girlfriend. But I genuinely love this girl and feel I strong connection and attachment to her. The problem is, I’m almost certain she doesn’t feel the same way. And even if I talk to her about how I feel about her, I don’t believe she’s going to tell me she feels the same. I have been alone and in pain my entire life. I am sick of my whole life being about managing the pain I’m in and being alone and hoping that one day for some inexplicable reason it’s going to end. I haven’t felt this way about somebody in over 5 years. I don’t think I will feel this way about somebody again if it doesn’t work out. And if it doesn’t I am totally prepared to kill myself. I don’t want to do that, but even more than that I don’t want to continue living a life like what mine is.

2019-08-24T02:18:50.000Z

cunmfq

ptsd

I don’t believe I’m going to be alive within the next month and I’m so fucking scared

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cunmfq/i_dont_believe_im_going_to_be_alive_within_the/

[deleted]

Hi, im (16/M) and Ive recently been diagnosed with PTSD, i also have severe ocd and depression. I lost my first ever and a really close friend last January, and I felt like my mental health has been on a downwards tipsy slope. My nightmares and other issues have been increasing as time passed by, and I kept saying it was OCD, i explained my symptoms to my psychiatrist and therapist and now am aware that its also PTSD. Im lost really. It makes sense, it does, but i just, i feel like im in a void where nothing relates, whenever you hear about PTSD, you usually hear about war veterans, and how their traumas have affected them greatly. I didn’t want to compare myself to them as they clearly went through a great deal more. But that still leaves me lost, and alone. I don’t know how to comprehend or step forward from this, at least with OCD having it for years and finally stepping up to get help not too long ago I felt like there was some kind of path, despite it feeling impossible to tread. But I don’t know about this, I don’t know how to move forward. Please comment if anyone can, im sorry if im intruding.

2019-08-24T00:25:16.000Z

cume7c

ptsd

Im lost

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cume7c/im_lost/

CcPerzina

Hi, I did not expect this morning that I would be writing this post today, but here I am. My mother came in today, and raged at me because I didn't dare to go outside and talk to the neighbours. They're just neighbours, nothing wrong with them. And she's right. I yelled back at her, saying that I didn't want to, because of that problem that I am having and that that is causing my hypervigilance. She didn't believe me. I had to fix my problems. Otherwise I wouldn't be "normal" (everyone has to "be normal" here in the Netherlands). I seem to have PTSD, although I haven't been diagnosed by anyone. I just hope that somebody in this community can help me in any way or shape or form. Let's go back to, let's say, primary school (we have a different school system in the Netherlands than the US has, you join primary school when you're like 5 and leave when you're about 12). During my time there, I suddenly developed a fear of failure. Sadly, I didn't know how to cope with it back then, so I always cried when I failed. Some of my classmates thought it was funny, and found a way pick on me and trigger my fear of failure, causing me to cry. They succeeded in this almost everyday, for 5 years. This time and experience certainly left a mark on me, and possibly a trauma. After that I went to, let's say, secondary school (you join it when you are like 12, and my study takes 6 years. Currently I am starting my fifth year). I moved to a school in a different town, half an hour by bus. I just wanted to get out of my home town, where my primary school was located. During the 2 years after that, I kind of tried to forget what had happened in primary school. I didn't say anything about my bullying, as I basically got bullied. I also always denied that I got bullied when people asked me. The town, where my current school is located in, is my safe place. I like it there, I can feel safe. In my home town, however, I don't really feel safe. I am constantly conscious of my surroundings, hoping that not one of those bullies will show up. This is everywhere in my home town, even getting to the point where I don't even trust my own neighbours. So the feeling of hypervigilance is one of my issues. My second issue, is quite difficult to explain. I feel like I'm disconnected from reality. Like I'm in a dream. It's like I'm thinking, but then in a constant state. It feels like I'm not really there with my head. Is this a PTSD symptom? 'Cause I'm not sure. I also have difficulty on concentrating, which I' ve never had before. And one significant thing, I can't seem to remember much from the bullying. It's like I forgot. Are all these really symptoms of PTSD? Is it possible that I am suffering from PTSD? I would really, really appreciate it if you would take the time to help me get sense of my symptoms, and how I can help myself. Thanks

2019-08-23T22:37:23.000Z

cul3vs

ptsd

I'm not sure if this is what I'm suffering from

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cul3vs/im_not_sure_if_this_is_what_im_suffering_from/

criminy420

I know you can’t stop them but does anyone have experience with it or can tell me why it’s happening despite me being on my meds as prescribed? It started yesterday accompanied with a tension headache which I still can’t shake. They make me very nauseous and dizzy. I’ve already called my psychiatrist. But they’re taking forever to get back to me to discuss it.

2019-08-23T21:19:34.000Z

cuk3qt

ptsd

DAE take lexapro and Wellbutrin? I’ve been getting brain zaps even though I take my meds as prescribed.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cuk3qt/dae_take_lexapro_and_wellbutrin_ive_been_getting/

spencerpng

Finally made it to the campus Title IX office to get my shit together and file a report. I got the information and help I needed. It took a year, but I did it. I’m healing, and there are people on my side, and I’m doing better.

2019-08-23T20:40:48.000Z

cujlil

ptsd

Getting what I need

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cujlil/getting_what_i_need/

glitterpoptart

I had a great day yesterday I was present and interacting with the people around me and I felt great. This morning not so much. I woke up feeling completely lost and alone. I don’t know who I am or why I am even alive. I feel myself depersonalizing even though I am just laying in bed. I feel like I need to shave my head or get a tattoo or something because I am not a person right now. I hate not knowing who I am and doubting every single little part of my personality like what if it’s all a big fat lie and I was never real in the first place. I feel like a fraud like I am lying my way through everything when in reality I am just a piece of shit.

2019-08-23T19:13:28.000Z

cuig5b

ptsd

Woke up not knowing who I am

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cuig5b/woke_up_not_knowing_who_i_am/

officerfluffybottom

(big edit in the middle sorry) So I was in an abusive relationship/marriage (I know it's a long story but I'll get to the point) for about 11 years, We met in highschool and he was cool at first, helped me get over a bad breakup and started out as just a friend, and then we got serious, after highschool ended we move into our own place, and that was when he started changing, he'd call me names, tell me how stupid I was and how fat, and that no one would want me but him, I told him that I thought I needed therapy and he said "you're just saying that because your mom has depression and you want attention like her" HE WORKED AT A MENTAL HEALTH FACILITY! After this point I attempted suicide twice and he just pretended that it wasn't happening, he even came home while I was throwing up sleeping pills and nyquil. So after about 8years of dating and 3 years of marriage where it got increasingly worse he started spending his nights watching porn and then in the wee hours of the morning coming to bed and then proceeding to tell me that he didn't want my physically anymore just emotionally... He told me I was too fat and unnatractive to be wanted by anyone and that the only way someone would want me was if they raped me. SO? I started wishing someone would rape me, all the time, I'd wave at passing cars, bend over when someone whistled at me, go to bars with friends and sit in random guys laps, I did this all because I just wanted to be wanted, I needed someone to want me, physically, and so I started cheating on my husband with friends from highschool who (besides one) were comeplete jerks and just wanted an easy fuck, they were dominant enough that it made me feel like this is what I was supposed to have... I'm a bit messed up now sexually, I have a boyfriend and he's amazing, never treated me bad the entire year and a half we've been together, but sometimes I wish he'd hurt me because I feel like I need it. I don't know how to get passed this point in my life, he knows I have a rape fetish now but wont indulge because he doesn't want to hurt me. he lets me be the dominant one because he wants me to feel in control but it only makes me feel worse. I'm at work typing this now in tears because I've never laid it all out before, not to anyone, not really in all the context. Sorry for wall of text (TL;DR bad relationship makes me think I need to be hurt in order to be happy)

2019-08-23T18:51:30.000Z

cui5el

ptsd

Fantasies about being raped

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cui5el/fantasies_about_being_raped/

[deleted]

[removed]

2019-08-23T18:44:49.000Z

cui28c

ptsd

♡ A fun & aesthetically pleasing Discord server ♡

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cui28c/a_fun_aesthetically_pleasing_discord_server/

ELocker

I'm not in the correct mindset to share what my trauma is about. But it's really really hard to wake up from a nightmare and know that you're gonna have to see the cause of that trauma

2019-08-23T18:28:08.000Z

cuhuas

ptsd

Its hard to wake up from a nightmare and have to see the person that caused it

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cuhuas/its_hard_to_wake_up_from_a_nightmare_and_have_to/

Cyber19

I'm very scared that I may have PTSD because of my anxiety. Is it possible? Thanks for the help.

2019-08-23T16:45:28.000Z

cugget

ptsd

Can anxiety attack induce you ptsd?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cugget/can_anxiety_attack_induce_you_ptsd/

vindikater

Bear with me, because this is a very long story. I just feel that the details behind the situation are important. During my spring semester of junior year in college (currently about to enter my senior year), I slept alone in my campus suite many times because two of my roommates were studying abroad, and my other roommate would sleep at her boyfriend's a lot (there's 4 of us total). I never had any major issues with sleeping alone in the past, but starting in around February/March, I would hear extremely disturbing noises that sounded like it was coming from one of the other apartment units near me. When I say extremely disturbing noises, it was pretty much the epitome of a girl getting raped by her boyfriend (the noises were so detailed that I could even hear the conversations and name of the boy, and it just sounded like it was a relationship). The first night it happened, at around 3am, I tried to ignore it because I couldn't tell if I was actually hearing what I was hearing (I was also really high and sometimes my hearing is altered when I'm high), but when I heard the loudest coherent scream, I immediately jumped out of my bed and tried to see where it was coming from. I roamed all the hallways on my floor and the one below me (I'm the top floor). Literally no sound from anywhere. The noises were pretty consistent, I got many of my building's RA's involved, and it was just a really black and white situation where they couldn't do much about it. The sketchy part was that when I described the situation to the RA's, they all gave similar reactions, the "Oh, I think I know what you're talking about" type of reaction. Because of confidentiality reasons I guess, they really couldn't do or say much to me, other than that "they were there for me if I needed to talk about it." It was frustrating, but I kind of just let it go for a bit and continued hearing the noises. I started to think I was maybe crazy or even schizophrenic, I was getting absolutely no clarity or solution to what was happening. It sucked because there really wasn't anything I could do. The worst nights where when I thought this girl was in real danger (her screaming things like "somebody help" or "please stop" at the top her lungs). I would up crying traumatized by the noises and my helplessness. Every time I called the RA's, nothing would be resolved, I didn't even know if they checked the halls to try to navigate the noise. So, a lot of this continues, where I would try to ignore it certain nights (this wasn't something that would occur every single night, but at least a couple of few times a week), hear too gruesome things some nights that resulted in me calling the RA's, and then nothing really getting done. I lost so much sleep that semester. Throughout all this, I mentioned it to my roommate and asked if she could stay with me a few nights instead of her boyfriend. She doesn't have the best hearing, but when there were extremely bad and loud screams, she would hear it as well. She even cried the first time she heard it because it was disturbing and distinct. We had absolutely no idea where it was coming from. This experience is what traumatized me the most: when I was alone in the apartment one Thursday night, many students were going out, and typically they'd come home around 2-3 am ish. During this time, I hear some girls in a suite near me, and I have never heard the loudest cries for help in my life, along with a guy's voice yelling "shut the fuck up" and loud and consistent banging. The sound was so loud and clear that I was almost sure it was next door. I broke down and thought I was going to die or something (sounds dramatic, but damn it was fucking scary), but my resident director, who lives across from me, knocked on a door and I could hear her yelling to open the door, and then another man's voice. I thought the situation was gonna be taken cared of, but an hour passed and I STILL heard screaming. I called my campus police. I have never called my campus police or 911 before, but I actually thought my life was in danger. It was a very scary moment. The police show up, and they get some info from, I tell them how I've been hearing concerning noises the past few months, but it escalated extremely tonight. I also told them I heard my RD get involved, but the noises continued for a bit and stopped again. They tell me to get some rest and that I would get an update the following morning. I heard them knock on my RD's door, and they went inside so I couldn't hear what was discussed, but they literally didn't even knock on any door around me. They did, however, go immediately downstairs to the suite below me, and I hear them knocking for what felt like hours, banging on the door, screaming at the boys' suite to open the door. It was SO loud and clear, I also heard a girl scream, "just open the fucking door." I didn't know if campus police didn't have a right to go into the suite or whatever, but the whole situation was just fucked. I didn't sleep that night, couldn't study for my Accounting exam, and couldn't even make it to my class because of how sleep deprived I was. It was really taking a toll on my daily life, hearing the slightest banging noises in any environment made me so jumpy too. I never got an update on the situation from the campus police, so I call them myself in the afternoon, and they literally said that THE NOISE COMPLAINT WAS FROM A TV. Wtf?? None of it made sense. Then, one night AGAIN, (I was probably seen as the crazy resident of my building by my RA's), intense noises occur, and I call the RA on duty. He comes upstairs and stays for a bit, and hears some of the noises. He literally looks at me, points up the ceiling, and goes, "these are coming from upstairs...you live on the top floor...". I'm lost, and he goes "I don't wanna freak you out or anything but...you have been reporting these noises a lot at 3am. 3am is witching hour...you have, like, a LOT of mirrors in your suite...those are portals for spirits...the full moon was last week, when you called the police..." So, as he's saying all this I'm like what the fuck. I'm not a firm believer of ghosts, but everything he was saying was freaking me the fuck out. He suggests I buy some incense and holy water, bless my room, and this guy literally asks if I want a hug and leaves. (that part was kinda funny tho lmao). So I live the next few weeks of school believing I was truly being haunted by a bunch of ghosts. This all happens close to the end of the semester, so I was moving out soon. This entire experience was extremely traumatizing for me, especially that one night where I called the police. Still don't know whether it was spirits or real people, but I have an irrational fear every single night that my place will be invaded or that I will be choked by a ghost or something. I rarely slept alone after moving out though, because I spent a lot of time staying at my boyfriend's place. But the times I did sleep alone, I would always hear the SAME noises, or I just could not fall asleep because my heart would be racing so much from fear that I wasn't safe or something. When I would sleep with my boyfriend, I would still get jumpy from any slight noise, but having his presence obviously made things much better. I interned in another city this summer and got a place alone (yeah sounds really stupid now that I think about it, but I don't think I understood how bad it was to actually sleep alone after the experience at school), and every time I would sleep alone, I would be scared out of my mind and couldn't fall asleep for hours. I got lucky because my boyfriend moved to the same city full time to start his job (he's a year older), so we were able to spend a lot of nights together throughout the summer. Now that I'm back home, I have not been able to sleep alone in my room because I am the only one sleeping on my floor (parent's master bedroom is on the third floor and my older brother has already moved out of our house). I've been going upstairs to my parents' room every single night to sleep with my mom since my dad is out of town on a business trip right now, and it's so embarrassing. Thankfully, my mom is the sweetest and most caring woman on this planet, so she takes it all ready well and is understanding. She was actually the first person I called before calling the police the night of the incident. Last night, I went upstairs to sleep with my mom again, because I thought I heard footsteps near my bedroom (we live in a house, not an apartment btw), and was almost convinced we were having a home invasion. I had to call my mom to come downstairs so I could go up with her (damn, typing it all out actually makes it sound so much worse), and slept upstairs again. But the scary thing is, even when I had earplugs in last night, I started to hear the same girls' voice in my head. It sounded so real, I even got scared for a second that it WAS real, but obviously it wasn't. That also wasn't the first time it happened, where I think about the noises before sleeping, and I hear it again just by thinking about it. So, given the past situation/incident and what's been going on with me after it, does it sound like PTSD?? It's taken a huge toll on my sleep when I'm alone. The only thing is that it hasn't really taken a toll on my daily life after moving out, as this is only something I fear at night, alone. I guess my biggest fear is a combo of having my home invaded and coming across a spirit of some kind. Not really sure what to do, not really sure what I wanted to get out of this post, but glad I got to really write out in detail what i've been going through. TLDR; I consistently heard disturbing noises last semester at school and can't sleep alone now because I have developed a fear of a home invasion and ghosts.

2019-08-23T16:03:48.000Z

cufw19

ptsd

It's almost impossible for me to sleep alone

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cufw19/its_almost_impossible_for_me_to_sleep_alone/

magic_waves

for the past few months ive just wanted someone to fucking beat the shit out of me. i don't even know, i want to be knocked to the ground and kicked and kicked and kicked until im coughing up blood and crying. i just want to fucking cry but i can't. maybe if i got the shit beat out of me i would finally have a reason to cry

2019-08-23T15:14:22.000Z

cuf8g2

ptsd

(tw: physical abuse) i often fantasise about being bashed

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cuf8g2/tw_physical_abuse_i_often_fantasise_about_being/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-23T13:13:50.000Z

cudptn

ptsd

Nightmares

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cudptn/nightmares/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-23T09:47:39.000Z

cubnek

ptsd

I still doubt I was actually raped

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cubnek/i_still_doubt_i_was_actually_raped/

flightrescue1

So I was raised in a cult and was physically and sexually abused as a child. I’m also a flight paramedic on a helicopter and a few years ago, 4 months after I got back from the Middle East on a contract assignment I lost my partner, my pilot, and nearly a good friend when my helicopter crashed (I was not on board). Ever since the crash, shit got crazy for me and I was diagnosed with CPTSD. The stress of the crash was a catalyst and all my trauma from childhood, my job, and the Middle East came screaming to the surface with nightmares, flashbacks, disassociation, and anything would set me off into violent rages. I mean 0-60 in a flash. I’ve been working with my therapist and working towards EMDR but I guess I need some sort of imaginary box to lock up and store the bad shit. My therapist said that I need to imagine a safe place to store this stuff where I can recall it and safely place it back in the “box” when I’m done with working on it in EMDR. my problem is that this imaginary box is hard for because visualizing this and working it the way she wants me to work with it doesn’t seem to work. Do any of you have experience with this and can give me advice....or even know what the eff I’m even talking about.....

2019-08-23T07:43:22.000Z

cuamwi

ptsd

A box to store the bad shit in

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cuamwi/a_box_to_store_the_bad_shit_in/

ZEE5Premium

How is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder detected?

2019-08-23T06:10:21.000Z

cu9tvq

ptsd

PTSD Facts

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cu9tvq/ptsd_facts/

sassinash

What do you do when you crave so much attention from someone but you know you’ll never get it so you basically tell everyone your problems hoping they will fill that void but instead your scaring everyone away!!!!!!?????

2019-08-23T04:18:49.000Z

cu8sku

ptsd

Attention problems

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cu8sku/attention_problems/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-23T03:45:04.000Z

cu8fyo

ptsd

What can I do to help/be there for people in my life dealing with PTSD

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cu8fyo/what_can_i_do_to_helpbe_there_for_people_in_my/

Becky-and-Momo

We need to hear this and not just once. So often we hear the opposite and frequently it’s us invalidating our own trauma by comparing it with others. I believe validating trauma says that compassion and understanding is also a valid response to that person. That it is worthy of treatment and a journey towards healing however that may look. I hope this reaches one person that has been questioning the validity of their trauma: Your trauma is valid and don’t let anyone tell you any different!

2019-08-23T03:17:09.000Z

cu850e

ptsd

Your trauma is valid

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cu850e/your_trauma_is_valid/

SpaceCommanda

Three and a half years ago, I was struck by a van and lay in the street while oncoming traffic did not stop--and six high school children risked their lives to save me. In the end, I had to crawl from the street, as I had too many broken bones for them to help me to my feet and I bade them to get out of the street. I have high vigilance and a startle reflex that is off the chain and I do not like being in cars. Some situations make me feel more uncomfortable than others, such as being in small cars and on narrow one lane streets (going either way). Something about seeing headlights coming towards me sets me off, and my therapist says that is from my time lying in the street while traffic went around me. Because my job was walking distance, I stayed there long after I wished, but grew so unhappy I found another job (with great benefits). They asked me if I had a good driver's license, which I do. Now, I did not expect beyond going to work (in which I told them I only had one car and that my husband would need it for our family), that I would be expected to drive. And indeed, I wish to do so, but our present car is manual, and I have only driven an automatic. My husband tried to teach me how to drive clutch in an empty parking lot, and I was surprised that driving did not feel too foreign to me, except for the clutch part...but a security guard said we could not practice there. Meanwhile, I am trying to find an inexpensive automatic. The rub? I am in training for a position that I am expected to make visits to our customers once a week. We have a fleet of vehicles. I was supposed to have three months of shadowing, but things are panning out far differently than what I expected. I may be expected to drive a fleet vehicle in a high traffic area, and the thought of doing so without having time to practice is leaving me sick. So much so, if demanded of me (this next month), I may very well quit. A friend of mine said if I provided documentation, that they probably couldn't force me. I *do* want to drive, but on my own terms. And I wonder if I inadvertently falsified my application. I get to see my therapist for the first time in three months next week and intend on asking for documentation of my condition to cover myself. Just wonder if some accommodation will be made, if they will allow me some time. I really want to drive again, I do. I appreciate any thoughts.

2019-08-23T03:12:38.000Z

cu83ap

ptsd

I Developed PTSD After Being a Pedestrian in a Vehicular Accident and I Want to Drive Again

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cu83ap/i_developed_ptsd_after_being_a_pedestrian_in_a/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-23T02:49:25.000Z

cu7ua9

ptsd

Hypervigilance: the gift that keeps on giving (when you think your friends, family and co-workers are trying to stab you in the back when the reality is no one is trying to hurt you at all, how embarrassing!)

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cu7ua9/hypervigilance_the_gift_that_keeps_on_giving_when/

maaaaachellevee

So, a little background. My PTSD stems from the very intensely traumatic and unexpected death of my 5 months old daughter. This was 5 1/2 years ago, her 6th birthday was on Monday. 2 weeks before her birthday I was camping with family having a great time. I had felt off for most of the summer as I usually do. All of my kids have summer birthdays and it’s always a major push and pull of my emotions. Long story short, my 17 year old nephew and I were having a conversation that turned a bit heated, but nothing crazy. And then he suddenly shouted something that triggered me. Like, TRIGGERED. I lost it, screamed at him (completely out of character for me) I don’t remember almost any of it, drama ensued with a few other members of my family, things got a bit physical with my sister (again NOT ME), I was completely out of myself. I made my husband drive us 3 hours home at midnight. It wasn’t me. I’ve never had that type of episode before and I’m terrified it will happen again. Any advice? Or has anyone else ever experienced absolute black out rage?

2019-08-23T01:56:49.000Z

cu79fc

ptsd

Rage outburst seemingly out of nowhere anyone? Possible triggers.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cu79fc/rage_outburst_seemingly_out_of_nowhere_anyone/

xxxgothgirl97xxx

I have been struggling with anxiety and bouts of depression since I was 13. I have been on at least a dozen different antidepressants and several different anti-anxiety medications, along with sleeping medications. I have given up mostly on medication. The one thing I found that helped I was allergic to. I've been trying to handle things on my own, but it has been getting more difficult. My partner has recently gotten diagnosed with PTSD and they mentioned to me that they think it may be possible that I have PTSD as well, seeing as everything I have gone through. Here's a little bit of background. When I was around 4 I was sexually molested by my biological father. He was always physically and emotionally abusive. When I was 12 my grandmother died by committing suicide. I blamed myself for not spending enough time with her. When I was 15 a pedophile groomed me and persisted that I have sex with him. He tricked me into thinking that he loved me and used me for sex. He isolated me from my family and friends. I blamed myself for it happening. If I wasn't so stupid and nieve it wouldn't have happened. When I was 16 my biological father tried to kill me by wrapping his hands around my throat. I got placed into foster care after that. Fast forward a bit, I was in an emotionally abusive and controlling relationship with a guy for three years. The things I worried about and my constant need for reassurance (because of past events) became a bother to him, so I stopped expressing how I felt. I then started my seemingly endless cycle of trying and failing with antidepressants, anxiety medication, and sleeping meds. I wasn't allowed to see one of my best friends unless my ex was around because he didn't like my friend. He didn't like any of my friends. He constantly needed to check in on me and know where I was, what I was doing, and who I was with. He had a list of "approved" people that it was ok to go to parties with, but there had to be at least two of them there. While I was dating him I got sexually assaulted by someone at a party I was at. He turned it into being my fault. After that, I shut myself off from the people around me at college. All of these events keep coming back to me. They intrude on my quiet time. They persist to cause anxiety and trust issues with my current partner even though time and time again they have reassured me that they will make sure nothing like that will ever happen to me again while they are in my life. I feel like a bother to them sometimes because, as I have stated before, they have their own evils inside their head and I don't want to add to their problems. Lately, I have noticed that I will stare off into space and forget everything around me. Other times I am on autopilot and it feels like I am watching myself in a movie. As I sit here and write this I don't even feel like myself. I feel like I'm looking through someone else's eyes. I guess what I am hoping to get from this is some validation. Maybe some of you have had similar things going on before your official diagnosis. I also just needed to get this all off my chest to a community that will hopefully understand what I am dealing with. There is something for me about talking to random strangers that I don't feel like I am bothering anyone with what is going on.

2019-08-23T01:43:49.000Z

cu7489

ptsd

Possible PTSD? Help from the community.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cu7489/possible_ptsd_help_from_the_community/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-22T21:59:22.000Z

cu4dvc

ptsd

Can I just rant for a little bit about why I'm just exhausted with life? (Trigger warning)

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cu4dvc/can_i_just_rant_for_a_little_bit_about_why_im/

Arty_Be

[removed]

2019-08-22T20:56:46.000Z

cu3jf7

ptsd

A Marine Corp friend of mine needs some help in his life so we’ve started a GoFundMe for him.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cu3jf7/a_marine_corp_friend_of_mine_needs_some_help_in/

832Squiddy

2019-08-22T19:18:31.000Z

cu26i4

ptsd

Neck tension. What ACTUALLY works to loosen it that you have found works?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cu26i4/neck_tension_what_actually_works_to_loosen_it/

agirlhasnoname17

For me, it’s Klonopin. I’m genuinely miserable without it.

2019-08-22T19:03:51.000Z

cu1z3y

ptsd

What is one single medication that truly helps you?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cu1z3y/what_is_one_single_medication_that_truly_helps_you/

bbbybrggs

I cannot stand the idea of being touched by almost anyone (only exceptions are my sister and a few of my very close friends), and even then I can only stand it for short periods (ie, a hug, a pat on the back). The thought of cuddling someone or even having to sit close in a car makes my skin crawl and makes me panic. Has anyone found a way to lessen the anxiety/etc? Or a way to communicate to people that I hate being touched without sounding like I just don’t like them?

2019-08-22T18:44:16.000Z

cu1pe0

ptsd

Who else is touch averse?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cu1pe0/who_else_is_touch_averse/

itsssbri

Do any of you struggle with angry outbursts as well? Mine are almost always [98%] in private. Normally I am not an angry person. As my PTSD has escalated to it’s worst severity in recent years I’ve developed an anger inside of myself that makes me really uncomfortable. When someone says something really nasty to me (like today when I was walking my dog), it feels like someone has shaken the bottle inside of me and it implodes inside of me like a volcano. It freaks me out because like I said, I am not usually an angry person. I go from placid and chill to in a rage in a matter of seconds. Luckily this doesn’t hurt anyone because they aren’t directed at other people. Mostly I just yell by myself. It’s really exhausting to deal with and after doing some research I found out that the cause of angry outbursts is actually high anxiety, which makes more sense in my case. People with PTSD are high anxiety since it’s a stress disorder, and that is actually the root cause of the anger. I realize that it should make me feel better, because I’m not actually a hateful a**hole, but it doesn’t. They’re getting harder to deal with as time goes on and nobody I’ve asked for help with has taken it seriously. I want them to stop but people know I have a problem and exploit it to hurt me. They may not realize how much it hurts me, or they just don’t care. Do you have angry outbursts too? Has it been challenging to overcome? Is it possible to overcome? Is it a matter of medication? Do we really have no choice but to be drugged up??? It sucks. I hate existing this way. I’m not actually crazy, and I hate feeling like this will never get better.

2019-08-22T18:34:56.000Z

cu1kp7

ptsd

Angry Outbursts/Imploding Rather than Exploding

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cu1kp7/angry_outburstsimploding_rather_than_exploding/

goldentraitor

Hey all, I thought I'd make a short and sweet post letting you all know that Midsommar can be very triggering. I ended up having a meltdown in the cinema. It has extreme detailed gore (especially head trauma) and s*icide plays a massive part in the story and there's some really graphic imagery. There are also graphic sex scenes so be aware of that as well. Stay safe out there!

2019-08-22T18:32:12.000Z

cu1jc7

ptsd

Trigger warning for Midsommar

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cu1jc7/trigger_warning_for_midsommar/

sneakergeek895

At the age of 17, I was raped from behind by a boyfriend. I told nobody for two years, and no one in my family knows to this day. It was humiliating, especially the way it happened, and I decided I would never let anybody touch me like that again. I will withhold the details due to the graphic and violent nature of it all. &#x200B; Since then, I've been in and out of therapy. I was diagnosed with PTSD due to that assault and an abusive childhood. I went through a string of unhealthy, sometimes abusive relationships after that. This past March, I met someone who I believe is the first healthy, wonderful person I've ever dated. He's a rock. I explained to him all that had happened, and that there were certain types of sexual acts I would never be able to go through with--and I needed him to accept that without question. He did. Our relationship has been built, over the past five months, through trust, communication, honesty, and obsessing over dogs together. It's because of this, I think, that I finally decided last night that I wanted to try again--with this partner. I wanted to see if I could handle having sex with him in that way, without the abuse, without the pain. He insisted we didn't have to, that he didn't ever expect that from (bless him, why can't every person be like this?). I said I was ready and I wanted to try, and we did. It was, admittedly, physically uncomfortable given the nature of the act. And I definitely don't think I really ever will want to do that specific act again; I just don't get any enjoyment from it. But I didn't panic, and I trusted him not to hurt me. We communicated with each other the entire time. I told him when he was moving too fast, and he would slow down, pull back, wait for me to direct him. After a few minutes, we finished. He asked if I was okay, and, for the first time in six years, I realized I was. And I began to sob. &#x200B; Because here's the thing: it took me six years to finally accept, fully, that the rape wasn't my fault. That there was no "lesson to be learned" like everyone says about every bad thing that happens in life. That I had finally found someone who I could actually trust, and who deserved my trust wholeheartedly. That I had risen above that one point in my life--because that's all it is now. My being raped does not define me. And I am capable of being and deserve to be loved. I cried because I knew, finally, I'm okay. I'm loved. It doesn't matter whether or not there's a reason to everything that happened, whether or not it's all just bad luck or fate or god knows what--**I'll be okay**. &#x200B; Last night, I hit a new level of my own healing. And I'm so grateful I have such a wonderful, loving best friend and partner who supports me and loves me--unconditionally.

2019-08-22T17:36:34.000Z

cu0rjd

ptsd

I finally had sex after six years (TW - sexual assault)

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cu0rjd/i_finally_had_sex_after_six_years_tw_sexual/

oldselfmiss

I will never be past self. How he was alive and truly himself, I just look at my old posts and wonder if it was truly me. I was full of life and happiness and I was myself. Now I feel dead all the time and my thoughts are against me.

2019-08-22T15:02:04.000Z

ctyn3s

ptsd

I will never be my past self

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ctyn3s/i_will_never_be_my_past_self/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-22T14:35:30.000Z

ctyap8

ptsd

TMS: transcranial magnetic stimulation. My experience so far.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ctyap8/tms_transcranial_magnetic_stimulation_my/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-22T14:26:44.000Z

cty6nn

ptsd

Does an acquaintance of mine have ptsd?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cty6nn/does_an_acquaintance_of_mine_have_ptsd/

throwaway0706199

I go through weeks of time where I have really bad ptsd symptoms, and then every once in a whole there’s a week or 2 where my symptoms almost go away. I’ll just be fine suddenly. On top of that, now that I’m doing better, I can’t. sleep. It’s just like trading one thing for another. I’m gonna try a sleep aid tonight but I haven’t had any decent rest in days. I’m really frustrated because I feel exhausted but somehow my body still can’t fall asleep. Anyone else have this?

2019-08-22T13:08:55.000Z

ctx7i7

ptsd

Does anyone else have this?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ctx7i7/does_anyone_else_have_this/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-22T12:48:09.000Z

ctwymx

ptsd

A family member of my really close friend is missing and they're having a search party today and I'm terrified to go.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ctwymx/a_family_member_of_my_really_close_friend_is/

Bitter-root

My lover isn't putting in any special effort to not rape me. It doesn't hurt him to not rape me. He's not holding back, he's not neglecting his needs. It's just normal behaviour to not rape me, he doesn't want to. If I ask him to stop he does. What the fuck. Why is this a new concept to me. I'm in heaven at how I'm being treated and horrified at how I expected to be treated. I feel lucky but this should just be normal. This bittersweet feeling is making me crazy tonight. Also he's moving away in two days 🎉

2019-08-22T12:41:30.000Z

ctwvz9

ptsd

[Trigger warning (r)] My lover isn't putting in any effort.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ctwvz9/trigger_warning_r_my_lover_isnt_putting_in_any/

Princess_Bulma

I work from home! Plush job, right? Well, it's a call center. The issue is, not only do I have crippling social anxiety, but a bad case of sciatica. So, even if I wanted to work outside of my home again, I can't do a stand up job. That leaves receptionist or more call centers. I've survived working in call centers for 6 years of my life. I have no soul left. Customer service and sales has sapped every bit of my soul out. I don't want to go outside anymore. I don't want to interact with people. Except the ones I know and trust. Every time I leave my house something bad happens. So my brain tells me to stay inside. I know this isn't healthy. So I force myself to go shopping, things like that. But every time I think about working around people my hands start to shake. I worked as a cashier, the first time $20 EVER went missing from my register the manager pulled me into the office and told me "we're going to go through this footage together. And when I see you taking money out of my register, I'm going to call the cops and have them arrest you." Turns out another manager took the bill and stuck it into a different register for NO APPARENT REASON!!! That's just one of a million nightmare scenerios that have honestly lead me from being a brave confident girl, to a nervous wreck in her late 20s. So now, every morning my hands are shaking as I log in. The job isn't hard. People are my trigger. I don't want to be around them. I get that no matter what, my job will require some human contact. I get it. But I need something I can do before I lose it. I don't have time to get a degree, freelance jobs are not going to replace my 40 hour income. I've been searching for something to do for 2 years and I've run out of ideas. I can do light physical work. But anything that resembles a normal standing shift cripples me. I'm an artist. I wish I could get a job making art. Or I wish I could learn how to run a tshirt business. But I need something soon. I'm waiting for a counseling appointment coming soon, but I'd like to solve as much of this issue on my own as I can. Thanks ~

2019-08-22T07:52:30.000Z

ctu6p2

ptsd

I'm starting to have issues at work.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ctu6p2/im_starting_to_have_issues_at_work/

kmusk

I’ve noticed that whenever I tell my boyfriend that I love him, I feel anxious on an almost visceral level. It’s to the point where often I have to psych myself up to tell him I love him, because it feels really stressful. In my last relationship (which was my first and the only other guy I’ve ever said “i love you” to), bad things happened re consent which I don’t want to talk about. I think there’s a combination of deep-set distrust and paranoia, and even maybe a trigger, associated with the phrase now. This is really bothering me, because my current boyfriend is incredibly respectful and loving, and i want to be able to say “i love you” to him spontaneously and to be able to say “i love you too” back without this anxiety interfering. Can I have anyone’s thoughts on how to address this situation? Thanks :(

2019-08-22T07:18:52.000Z

cttwr4

ptsd

I’m having trouble expressing the statement “I love you.”

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cttwr4/im_having_trouble_expressing_the_statement_i_love/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-22T06:30:38.000Z

ctthn4

ptsd

Hi, I need help

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ctthn4/hi_i_need_help/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-22T06:00:31.000Z

ctt8fh

ptsd

Ex is finally out of my life. Why can't I let him go and move forward?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ctt8fh/ex_is_finally_out_of_my_life_why_cant_i_let_him/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-22T05:25:43.000Z

ctsxc6

ptsd

Tried to talk to boyfriend about a sensitive subject and I’m upset by his response. [NSFW]

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ctsxc6/tried_to_talk_to_boyfriend_about_a_sensitive/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-22T05:24:20.000Z

ctswvo

ptsd

I can’t even sleep in the hospital

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ctswvo/i_cant_even_sleep_in_the_hospital/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-22T04:32:28.000Z

ctsf5o

ptsd

I had my first EMDR session

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ctsf5o/i_had_my_first_emdr_session/

noamazia

hi everyone, i tried posting this question on the DnD forum and got game related answers and im seeking advice on how to approach the PTSD itself. so for those who dont know, dnd is a game played with pen and paper and dice in the imagination. i create a fantasy world where my friends create their story: adventuring, battling monsters and goofing around. i have a friend who got PTSD from war. he mostly have physical ticks, loss of hunger, nightmares, rages with heatwaves and panic attacks. his life stopped in their tracks and he is bored to death, which is stressing him and he became depressed he is getting left behind. but mostly he deals with it really well! he is happy most of the time he is not in a middle of an episode. we knew he wanted to play DND so we started a group and had 1 session which did not go so well. my friend kept getting triggered and went out to medicate, which slowed the game. is there anyone here who knows the game and how to deal with ptsd in such settings?

2019-08-22T03:17:07.000Z

ctrncx

ptsd

Help with dealing with PTSD friend in DnD games

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ctrncx/help_with_dealing_with_ptsd_friend_in_dnd_games/

d24602

I never, ever thought it would happen. After months of thinking a lot about memories, looking at old pictures, etc. I’ve realized I don’t hold any resentment toward her anymore. In fact, I only feel compassion now. It feels unbelievably better now. I realized that more than half of the things I resented her for were actually misguided things I resented my father for. My sister abused me a lot, but it was only because she was abused by our father first, and children who have been abused in that way often reenact those situations with other children. Her anger and violence that she directed at me was also a result of how he treated her. I never really realized it before that she had been abused as well, I only really thought of myself for a long time. I also held resentment that my father appeared to accept her (she was transgender, born a boy, which was controversial for the early 70’s especially for a child/young teen) but he would abuse me for accusations of “being gay”. I am now thinking he accepted her because it made him feel better to be abusing/exploiting a girl child instead of a boy since he did not want to be seen as gay himself (though I was a boy but besides the point). I can honestly say I thank her for making me so accepting of transgender people to this day, as I was raised believing that either gender can have either body. Part of me wants to see where she is in life now, but I don’t think it’s a good idea. I have not been in contact with her since 1998 and it has never been good contact, so I don’t think I will. My father is another story. I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive him but I really want to keep trying because it felt so good to forgive my sister. I can deal with a lot more now than I could before I forgave her. I can’t imagine what things I can deal with easier once I forgive him, the final boss, lol. I have found that a lot of the things I’ve forgiven my sister for are the same things I have not been able to forgive my father for, and I do not know why I have that double standard. He died roughly 20 years ago so I have that solace but I still would like to forgive him. If I did not use the right/politically correct terminology for LGBT people I am sorry.

2019-08-22T02:06:56.000Z

ctqux0

ptsd

I’ve successfully forgiven my sister.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ctqux0/ive_successfully_forgiven_my_sister/

luccalez

Hi, this is my first reddit post ever so sorry if I don’t know proper etiquette. Also adding warning for sexual assault When I was 15 I was sexually assaulted for the the first time at park that is very close to my house. I unfortunately have to drive pass it almost everyday to get to work, the store etc+. Even though it’s been almost 6 years I can’t shake the feeling of going to panic mode and feeling absolutely sick every time I have to drive by it. Also due to being a small town there’s not really many alternative routes I can take to avoid it. Luckily when ever ever my friends have ask if I ever want to go to that park (or almost any park for that matter bc a lot of the local parks in my town I associate with traumatic memories) they don’t pry and ask why. I guess what I’m looking for is any advice to could possibly help alleviate any anxiety from this. I’ve also been going to therapy regularly for the last few years and it has helped quite a bit but dealing this still brings me a lot of pain and unwanted feeling. Thank you to anyone who read all this and thank you even more for any advice/tips!

2019-08-22T00:50:57.000Z

ctpygb

ptsd

How do I deal with seeing one of my biggest triggers almost every day

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ctpygb/how_do_i_deal_with_seeing_one_of_my_biggest/

[deleted]

start school late September, majoring in psychology and counseling with a focus on addiction and trauma. also taking music appreciation. this comes from the examination of my behavior going off on someone about my experiences with being abused. i took some time to think about it and i realize the lashing out came from being infuriated at the idea that someone else would be forced to experience what i did. i figured if i got into a career where i directly helped these people it would be a lot more productive than treating people the way i myself hated being treated. I'm also taking music courses since playing my viol instruments is how i manage my anxiety. in trying. i slipped more than i realized but i really am trying.

2019-08-22T00:30:09.000Z

ctpph7

ptsd

i just registered for classes today

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ctpph7/i_just_registered_for_classes_today/

Sjcat

Long story short my dad was crazy and an extreme instance of abuse occurred one fall afternoon. Everytime it starts becoming more fall like (short days, dusty air, warm in thre afternoon cool in the evenings) I get triggered. A lot. It's been close to 30 years, I've been in countless therapy and hospitals to deal with everything but this one trigger just never goes away. Fall is otherwise my favorite season and I hate that I have to stay inside with the a.c cranked and the shades drawn so I don't risk smelling the fall air or seeing that particular yellow/ gold sunshine through the trees. Does anyone else have an entire season or weather pattern that sets you off? How do you cope?

2019-08-21T21:29:35.000Z

ctneka

ptsd

Weather as a trigger? How do you cope?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ctneka/weather_as_a_trigger_how_do_you_cope/

agirlhasnoname17

What sleeping meds have you found particularly helpful? My new psychiatrist doesn't want to put me back on Ambien.

2019-08-21T18:59:40.000Z

ctlbi2

ptsd

The insomnia and the sheer dread of the prospect of going to bed are killing me. Advice?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ctlbi2/the_insomnia_and_the_sheer_dread_of_the_prospect/

Natural_Comedy

This story happened not even 24 hours ago and it's all I can think about. Background: I don't live with my biological dad because hes a raging alcoholic. I havent seen or heard from him in 5 years, not since his uncle sexually assaulted me(C). I was 11. In the past, he tried actually killing my mom because she wanted to divorce him and keep my brother and I. My brother is autistic and never actually got along with my father. My dad would buy my brother little kid toys until we lost contact. I will be 16 in 2 weeks and my brother is 18 now. The story: I got a text at 2 am on facebook from my dad that he was in town for a couple days. I was asleep so I didn't respond until 7:30am because I had to get a state issued ID for my job. My brother just started college yesterday and so I had to wait until noon to ask if he wanted to see our dad and he wanted to so we made plans to be at a public skatepark at a busier time. My brother drove us out there and after about 5 minutes of waiting, my dad pulls up in his supercharged ford. As soon as we went to give him a hug, I could smell the alcohol. His attitude was so off and I didnt remember him ever like this before. He kept insisting that my brother drive his truck and so we did. I sat in the front, my bro in the driver seat, and my dad on the middle seat in the back. My brother clearly looked super uncomfortable and I told my dad that he couldn't blast his music because my brother has a hard time focusing on driving when there is loud music playing. My dad kept telling him to "drive faster" and "let's go get stuck!" "This baby cant get stuck." He also kept talking about how much money he was making and how he was going to move down here. He kept grabbing our shoulders and rubbing them. He even kissed our cheeks and my brother doesnt let anyone do that but later on he said he felt like he was forced to let it happen. My brother drove us out of town because he was doing what he was told and eventually we ended up at a swampy area with tons of trees. There were so many jumps and my brother tried to trash the truck as much as he can on the outside since my dad "had the money to fix it". After about 20 minutes of this, we headed off to a different area over by the river. We were forced to stop so my dad could get out to smoke and pee. He didnt bother to even walk out of sight he just did it at the door. My brother was on the phone with our great grandma because I had been texting my mom the whole time since I felt like I was going to die. (This irritated my dad a lot and he even threatened to throw my phone out the window). My brother and I looked at each with fear in our eyes as my dad climbed back into the truck and told my brother to step on the gas and go through the river. This was a shallow part in the river. My brother did but didnt go fast enough and we ended up getting stuck. He swapped spots with my dad and we ended up getting more stuck. He called our uncle to come pull us out as my brother and I walked out and onto the very painful rocks. I called my mom to ask her to come get us and I was breaking down at this point because I thought she was mad at me. My brother and I decided to go and try to find a busier road and we crossed the river and put our shows back on. We looked back at our dad sitting in his truck in the middle of the river. As soon as we started to walk away, our dad started to call out my name and turned his truck on and tried to get it unstuck. My brother and I kept walking as I broke down in tears and he comforted me and saying it was his fault which it really wasn't. We walked about a mile and were almost on the highway when my uncle showed pulled around the corner with my other uncle who assaulted me. We kept walking. When I looked back, they started to back up and that's when i heard my brother scream "RUN!" I ran straight into the Bushes where my legs were severally scratched up and blood was dripping down my leg. My brother told them to not touch me and kept screaming that they just have to go down the road and they'll find our dad. As soon as they drove down the road, my brother and I kept running towards an RV park while we called our mom to tell her where we were. We ended up walking about 5 miles before our mom found us. Every time my brother saw 2 silver trucks together, he pushed me down into the bushes and we would both lay there until they passed. My brother and I are both having a rough time trying to deal with this. The incident brought back all my ptsd from when we were living with with our dad. What did we do to deserve this? We both had some hope that hed be sober for once in his life but he still managed the make our lives hell.

2019-08-21T17:58:55.000Z

ctkgvz

ptsd

Driving into a river.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ctkgvz/driving_into_a_river/

flowersiguess

Trigger warning: one paragraph is clearly noted for mentioning sexual assault, suicide, and abuse but after that paragraph they aren't mentioned again I'm thinking I have PTSD. I have had two people tell me they think I have this (my mom and boyfriend). I denied it both times. I thought I could handle it myself but last night I almost brought an end to my relationship because I was in this dissociated state and it's really time for me to get a hold of this. This issue is that whenever I research PTSD, results always attribute it to one event or one part of your life. For me, that wouldn't be the case. I have the symptoms of PTSD but from a number of traumatic events in my life, all varying in nature. Trigger warning for this paragraph only (abuse, sexual assault, suicide) I won't go into any details (there are a few posts on my page about some of the traumas if youre really curious) but I have experiences from the number of times I experienced sexual assault to my mothers verbal/emotional abuse, to my brothers suicide and my father's attempted suicide. I'm currently in therapy and I really click with my therapist but I'm afraid I'm just looking for something that's not there. I dont know. Does anyone have any experience being diagnosed with PTSD for numerous traumas? I dont know if it's pertinent but I'm 19 and female. Im open to questions if itll help get to a conclusion. Thanks for reading

2019-08-21T17:09:30.000Z

ctjs7b

ptsd

Multiple traumas - Is it PTSD or just a bad childhood/young adulthood? Trigger warning

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ctjs7b/multiple_traumas_is_it_ptsd_or_just_a_bad/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-21T16:12:13.000Z

ctiz7n

ptsd

About life. HEAVY TRIGGER. HELP ME.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ctiz7n/about_life_heavy_trigger_help_me/

mrs_assclown_phd

I just wanted to see if anyone has any advice, because I am struggling. I have had PTSD for 8 years, ever since I was 13, and have started doing EMDR. While my trauma has gotten better, it seems that I’m now having severe anxiety. I have panic attacks 4-5 times a day that can last for up to 45 minutes at a time with varying, unpredictable symptoms like chest pains, or feeling like my head is swelling. This has been happening nonstop for a week now, and I don’t see an end in sight. I wake up around 3 times a night feeling like my heart is beating out of my chest. How do you guys deal with unwarranted panic attacks? I don’t have triggers and I can’t predict the time or length at all. I’m hoping someone has some advice, because I can’t keep doing this.

2019-08-21T15:39:28.000Z

ctiizm

ptsd

The days are getting long and hard

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ctiizm/the_days_are_getting_long_and_hard/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-21T14:47:16.000Z

cthvpx

ptsd

Alerts

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cthvpx/alerts/

I_have_questions01

Hey guys, I’m currently experiencing PTSD related to some guy that used to go to my school who is friends with me right now to this day. He went to the same course and uni as me and hasn’t done anything wrong to me since we finished school. He used to be a prick to me in those school days, though he’s matured and mellowed our now, I do find myself getting bad flashbacks just by having thoughts of him. I have decided to look up on some reading to help me manage and treat my emotions that relate to certain people. I have found most PTSD books to mostly do with childhood trauma, however the trauma I experience has a lot to do with my teenage years (between 16 and 19) at school. I would like to know if such childhood trauma books would have any applicability to the suffering I dealt with through my community college days which was where the PTSD developed. If so then would it be worth purchasing such books to see if it would reasonate with my mind. Any advise would be great.

2019-08-21T14:11:54.000Z

cthf7f

ptsd

Question regarding PTSD books

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cthf7f/question_regarding_ptsd_books/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-21T13:55:38.000Z

cth7da

ptsd

Managing Anger & Stress in the Workplace

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cth7da/managing_anger_stress_in_the_workplace/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-21T10:51:39.000Z

ctf52s

ptsd

11 years on... is it PTSD?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ctf52s/11_years_on_is_it_ptsd/

strawberry-cup

So I had therapy today, I’ve had the same weekly appointment slot for the past 2 years. Today was different. Today we agreed that I’m ready, and I’m being discharged from my mental health centre. I’m so fucking proud of myself you guys! I’ve worked so damn hard for so long, and it’s paying off. 2 years ago I was terrified to leave my house, now I’m stable, have good coping skills and I start a new job in October. I fucking did it!

2019-08-21T10:30:25.000Z

ctey4l

ptsd

The best news I’ve had in a long, long time

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ctey4l/the_best_news_ive_had_in_a_long_long_time/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-21T09:34:03.000Z

ctegc6

ptsd

After clinic I think I don't have PTSD, but that doesn't help in any way

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ctegc6/after_clinic_i_think_i_dont_have_ptsd_but_that/

[deleted]

Basically like the title says - I know that isn't reasonable but it's how I feel. I got PTSD from my sister. In the middle of the day a few years ago while I was apart of a USDA program, she accused me of stealing from her and yelled at my on the phone for over 4 hours. I would hang up, she would call, yell, hang up again and do this for 4 hours. To the point where I couldn't function right for the day and was visibly shaking by the time it was over and crying in my work restroom. I later got into care for 'reasons' and got officially diagnosed with PTSD AT 18. I can't listen to a certain android ringtone without feeling suicidal and miserable. It's been years but I still feel like I will absolutely end myself if I hear it because I'm afraid I'm going to hear her again. Due to that incident I still haven't relearned how to properly talk to people on the phone or answer calls without anxiety. But it still feels SO FUCKIN STUPID. Like out of everything, a ringtone? This is what does it? I've been yelled at before - I'm learning still that some of the things I went through weren't ok - something as recent as 6 months ago! And it makes me emotional. So I just don't understand why this , out of everything I've been through, that has cause me this much grief to where I go out in public and hear it I'll have to turn around and hope the call isn't for me. It feels insulting to say "I have PTSD because I'm too much of a coward to answer a phone." or "Yeah my mood change because your ring tone reminds me of when my sis yelled at me." to other people who went through worse and in sense myself for still not getting over it. I know I have a lot of issues and just need to reach out to a therapist for all my mumbo jumbo issues but it's just....man it just seems like I'm just a baby whining.

2019-08-21T08:33:27.000Z

ctdxbt

ptsd

Still feel like I don't deserve to say I have PTSD

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ctdxbt/still_feel_like_i_dont_deserve_to_say_i_have_ptsd/

I_have_questions01

Hey guys, I’m doing all I can to my mental illness for the last seven years where I spent the last three of them actually trying to help it. I’ve experienced a major setback from thinking about something that’s been bugging me from the past that had to do with some bad memories from school. This has to do with a person who was a major prick to me back then that has now had my back through the adversities that I’ve faced over the years. I keep hearing voices in my head of all the hurtful things he’s said, despite not doing them anymore and I can’t get over it. He’s a person that I always usually open up to over many separate things, but the truth is I find myself torn over whether to just simply talk to a councillor over the problem or just let the fire out of my gut and simply tell him straight up about the problems I’ve had with him. He does know that he was a prick to me in school and I only subtly told him that he was a problem to me back then without explaining any specifics. I don’t know what to do to overcome this. Is there any kind of reading that could help me cope with this kind of PTSD over a specific person? Any help would be appreciated.

2019-08-21T06:08:45.000Z

ctcpqd

ptsd

PTSD from a specific friend, any advice on how to overcome this?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ctcpqd/ptsd_from_a_specific_friend_any_advice_on_how_to/

[deleted]

Well, this is a weird one for me. Like I stated in the title, carnivals trigger my PTSD. My city has a carnival every summer, and I used to go with my abusive ex-partner quite often. I walked by it tonight, and was immediately triggered. My mind flooded with thoughts that my ex would show up out of nowhere and start abusing me again.

2019-08-21T05:54:01.000Z

ctckvb

ptsd

Carnivals trigger my PTSD

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ctckvb/carnivals_trigger_my_ptsd/

Ladyrivermouse

Hi! So I was recently diagnosed with PTSD and Im starting to be more aware of my triggers. I noticed today that loud noises like a gun firing at the range when I watch my boyfriends shooting competitions will trigger flashbacks or memories. Some of my trauma did involve a gun but not gun fire. Has anyone else had an issue with loud noises trigger g random flashbacks or memories? It's almost like everytime I hear a gun shot or a loud bang my brain starts to flip through traumatic memories like a flip book.

2019-08-21T04:27:47.000Z

ctbrfc

ptsd

Memory triggers with loud noises?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ctbrfc/memory_triggers_with_loud_noises/

Pseudo_Nyms

A week ago I had the most intense flashback I've ever had. I was shattered the rest of the week, incapable of making good decisions, sleeping, or regulate my emotions. Ended up taking a day of work and this weekend was finally able to get myself into a good space today. I laid down in bed and thought that today was a good day. 10 minutes later I started obsessing over something meaningless that I have no control over and has no effect on my life to the point I nearly had a panic attack. It's like, WTF?!?! I acknowledged to myself I had a good day and my body/mind rebels....

2019-08-21T03:53:09.000Z

ctbeef

ptsd

Do you ever feel like your mind/body are sabotaging you?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ctbeef/do_you_ever_feel_like_your_mindbody_are/

Broken_Loving_Soul

(On Mobile, please excuse the typos) I’m (21F) and I think I have PTSD but not sure? I was abandoned as a child and when people leave abruptly, without saying anything, or threatening to toss me out onto the streets (my mom does all this a lot) I turn back into that child I once was, and still am. I was rapped, I don’t have sexual triggers, other than anything to do with my butt, I start to freak out and panic, my bf often has to stop and calm me when we try it. My brother has Autism and is violent at times, he’s hit me, thrown shit at me, and raised his voice (as does the mom i mentioned) Nowadays when people do that, I just shutdown and turn back into that child from the start of this. Is this considered ptsd? Am I blowing things out? Any/all advice is welcome, thanks

2019-08-21T03:50:41.000Z

ctbdej

ptsd

I Think I Have PTSD, But I Am Not Sure?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ctbdej/i_think_i_have_ptsd_but_i_am_not_sure/

Sugarplums01

***TLDR below!*** Hi guys. Ive post here before on this. On Thursday me (f/16) overdosed on my meds attempting to kill myself and cut a bunch. Was rushing to hospital and after getting treated in er was moved the next morning to the psych ward, then was discahrged in the evening. My family has always been emotionally abusive and physically even after getting back from the hosp. my dad went back on all his promises. I was numb for a while. two days prior I wanted to be amitted cause i didnt trust myself but the staff there were really rude about it and discouraged it heavily. 2 days later im back but w suicide attempt. Its tuesday. I feel pain all the time. The routine is the same. Self harm and sleep. when im awake im in fear and pain)physical/emotional) i honestly can't see or look forwards to a future. I wish i had died that night. I want to die so badly. I dont want to be in this pain for more. When I was there i was so bored as a;; i had w me were my shoes and sweater. BUT I felt incredibly safe there, weird ikr. Should I go to the hospital and voluntarily be admitted? **TLDR:**Attempted suicide. Discharged from hosp. Still really suicidal/ am planning to try again. Should I be voluntarily admitted?

2019-08-21T02:41:03.000Z

ctalr0

ptsd

Should I check myself intp hosp?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ctalr0/should_i_check_myself_intp_hosp/

ThatTheoGuy

When I was relatively young, say 5, My dad got a bit.... extreme... in his alcoholism. He'd yell, hit my brother and I, and would overall make an evening hell. Now I'm 6'1, 220lbs, and have a fairly deep voice. Im a big dude. But if someone even raises their voice near me I pretty much shut down. I get quiet, shake a bit (think light shivering) and really just wanna sit down for a bit, recollect my thoughts. And the entire time I go through my recovery bit, I just absolutely hate myself. Im a big guy, built like a viking, and here I am shaking like a small dog who just got scared by a passing truck. I know I should actively work on fixing my problems with my (awesome) therapist, but everytime I sit down with her I feel weak. Like I should just sit in the corner and accept that im less because I cant *be a man*.

2019-08-21T02:37:15.000Z

ctak5l

ptsd

Any ideas on getting over internalized masculinity issues? (Possible triggers)

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ctak5l/any_ideas_on_getting_over_internalized/

gothrex

Hi there. I just needed to get all of my thoughts organized about this, and I need some advice on how to deal with this situation. When I was in middle school, I got in a relationship with a guy my age. He started off really sweet, but told me to keep our relationship a secret. As time passed, he started faking various illnesses (DID, schizophrenia, "undiagnosed cancer" characterized by nose bleeds, "seizures" and inexplicable... falling.) and keeping me up until 3am on the phone saying he'd kill himself for various things I did, including but not limited to being friends with people, trying out for the school play, and breaking up with him. Naturally, since he was using my fear to control me, I eventually stopped trying to do anything on my own. I lost interest in nearly everything I once loved. My grades dropped. I lost all of my friends. And I lost all of my dignity. Eventually, I guess that he decided I wasn't complying with his every whim well enough, and started hitting me and choking me for things like telling my close friends about our relationship and for literally just speaking. If that wasn't traumatic enough, toward the end of our relationship, he cornered me in a mall bathroom and did everything in his ability to rip my clothes off. It all ended when I got flagged for being suicidal and my parents cut off all forms of communication with anyone aside from school. Then, freshman year and a bit into sophomore year, I went through therapy to treat the resulting PTSD. Well, I'm a senior in high school now. It's been ~5-6 years since all of that went down, and my ex still tries his damn best to stay in my life. When I took engineering freshman year, he switched into the class. When I started debate sophomore year, he joined too. When I joined Writer's Guild last year, so did he. He's made every effort he can to be in all of the things I'm in. My debate team has pretty much been my whole social circle for the last 2 years, and most everyone is like family to me. For those last two years, I'd tell my friends about what happened and why I was such a "bitch" to the guy that abused me and attempted to r*pe me, and they'd respond with a "damn, that sucks" and would resume to their usual business. Later, I found out that I wasn't the only one who suffered his abuse over the last few years. Some of my closest friends have endured the same emotional manipulation and physical and sexual abuse that I did. I told my debate coach about everything. The response was "Well, I don't think that necessarily makes him a bad person-". I told her I wouldn't be doing debate for the rest of junior year. This summer I got tired of everyone saying I was being too harsh to my ex, and I decided to tell the whole team about it. I wrote up an account of what happened and sent it out to our group chat. The exec board got in touch with me and went to our assistant coach to talk to a principal about it. I'm going to the principals' office tomorrow to talk to them about my experiences. I'm not sure how this is all going to play out, and I'm really nervous about it. I haven't had many symptoms in a few months, but I'm worried talking about it in person might be a problem for me. I'm also scared my ex might... do something about it... if he's removed from the debate team like my assistant coach and the exec board would like. I've just felt so unsafe doing all the things I love the past few years and I want to be out of his control. Is there anyone that can offer me some reassurance or advice? P. S. This subreddit has really been a lifesaver, thank you all so much for your posts and whatnot.

2019-08-21T02:35:30.000Z

ctaje2

ptsd

[TW: Emotional abuse, sexual assault] Rant + looking for some advice

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ctaje2/tw_emotional_abuse_sexual_assault_rant_looking/

[deleted]

I don't have combat ptsd. So you won't find that here. My story is much different. Jan 2005 I went in for what I was told would be a routine hernia repair and id be back to being a soldier in 2 weeks time. Except that didn't happen. Progressively things got worse. First came the stabbing pains, then the numbness then ants marching feeling in my thigh, then pain in the testicle when I had sex and more pain when I ejaculate. 2-3 months later I was 21 and walking with a cane. Can you imagine how that was in a Spartan society like the military? What made it worse was the surgeon refused to think he did anything wrong or that there was any complication and told my chain of command I was malingering. For those of you who don't know what that means it's them saying "this troop is faking to get out of duty" my chain of command then thought the appropriate action was to make my life a living hell! Hurriacne Katrina and Hurricane Rita came and went while they started out with me being given shit details to keep me up nights guarding ammo dumps to them throwing all my stuff in dumpsters and making me retrieve it to finally they would send people in my room for a little blanket party. I had to go to sick call one monday cause they beat me so bad one Friday night my face was fucked up and half scarred and scabbing over. Took months for that to heal. Still I didn't go AWOL or run or snitch, I took it. Finally I saw an ortho and pain management doc who both recommended I be medically boarded out. 0% thanks I used my severance to get an apartment but that didn't last long and still wasn't rated with the VA so I ended up homeless for a bit. When I finally did get my 100% I moved away from everyone who had hurt me or wasn't there I needed them and was looking forward to starting over and figuring out how to fix my groin and leg pain. It's been 15 years now of misdiagnosis and the run around from the outfuckingstandingly inept people at the VA. 40 days ago the VA cut my pain meds. They would have cut them completely had I not fought like hell to keep them Then they and SSDI have me scheduled for a review. Standard stuff but stressful none the less. Last week, on a hernia mesh thread, I was able to get into contact with an MD who specialises in hernia and mesh issues. I sent all my medical records and two days later he diagnosed all my issues and says I need surgery again. The VA will listen now right? Wrong I take my records to my doctor just for him to say "it's impossible for you to be in this much pain from mesh." So I put in for a change of doctor VA denied my request as of last friday. Instead of trying to help They are putting me mentally right back where I was for a year and a half when it was literally I don't know what's going to be happen to me today by my own people! I don't sleep at night cause I'm terrified someone is going to come into my house so I'm on high alert staring out my Windows and doors. I feel like a crackhead and I just want it to stop and to be treated like someone cares about my concerns and stops giving me the run around. On top of all that the stress of all this has made my pain flare ups 1000 times worse. Just needed to vent here I guess I don't know what else to do. I've tried talking to the patient advocate, ive tried talking to the VSO, I've got my congressman involved. I've been through this many times and mostly I get frustrated and quit making noise but the pain is getting worse and I'm tired of living with it. Edit - got a call from the VA today they approved my transfer to a new Primary Care doc! Guess they got tired of me raising hell in a politely rude way

2019-08-20T23:42:51.000Z

ct8ehi

ptsd

Feel like the Veterans Admin is purposely making my PTSD worse

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ct8ehi/feel_like_the_veterans_admin_is_purposely_making/

FauxStardust

I know it happened, I know what happened, but no matter what type of therapy I try it’s like I just can’t tell anybody. I feel like my mind just goes blank whenever I get the opportunity to process things, and it won’t stop. I’m so sick of being so mentally screwed up and not being able to do a thing about it. I feel like everyone else gets to see the light at the end of the tunnel but my tunnel is just blocked by some massive blob that’s indestructible, I just want to give up and never try to get better again. Does this happen to anyone else? And if so, have you gotten past it?

2019-08-20T23:28:40.000Z

ct87z1

ptsd

I’m so scared of addressing it.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ct87z1/im_so_scared_of_addressing_it/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-20T21:08:31.000Z

ct68yr

ptsd

PTSD + OCD

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ct68yr/ptsd_ocd/

jibbledygook

My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 Small Cell Lung Cancer (SCLC), in April. At first, I was by his side - going to appointments, visiting him at home or the hospital. Just making sure he was okay. The first month or so, he was in and out of the hospital. One of his visits to the ER had my sister calling to see if I could come take over for her. Her toddler was fussing and she had been with dad all day. I said yeah of course, but when I got to the hospital, I ended up having a massive panic attack. My daughter was with me and it made the panic worse because I was worried about her seeing me lose control. I called my sister and said I couldn't make it. I wasn't feeling well and to see if our Uncle was available. My daughter and I had to be driven home because I couldn't safely get behind the wheel. Since that incident... I haven't seen or really spoken with my dad. I feel like absolute crap because of it. To put things into context, I was diagnosed with PTSD in the spring of 2017 after my mom died in a head-on collision. My dad has been absent from my life since about the age of 13 (I'm 35 now). When he was in my life - he was less than great. I didn't realize this until speaking about my childhood with other people that pointed out that he seemed like a selfish asshole. I was a kid... I didn't know any better. It seemed normal to me. A lot of my PTSD seems to be seeded in guilt and what I should be doing. I've gotten used to my dad not being in my life, but he is dying and alone. He is the only parent I have left. However, I don't want to experience the death of a parent all over again. I don't think I could mentally handle it. I still haven't come to terms with my mom's death. I deal with insomnia, suicidal thoughts, major depression, and have not worked in over 2 years. Am I shit daughter? I know he is going to die, but I came to terms with him not being in my life a long time ago or so I thought... I just feel my PTSD is in a very fragile state and I don't want to reach a point of no return and totally lose myself.

2019-08-20T20:57:34.000Z

ct62gf

ptsd

What's wrong with me? (possible triggers)

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ct62gf/whats_wrong_with_me_possible_triggers/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-20T20:20:04.000Z

ct5gjb

ptsd

Anybody else get constant nausea/vomiting? Does anything help?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ct5gjb/anybody_else_get_constant_nauseavomiting_does/

yvesexcelsior

I (19) am moving away from home to study abroad for a year. I'm happy to be away from the place where my trauma happened, but I also have a lot of fear. I was sexually abused twice in childhood and assaulted by a friend as a teenager, and I have a lot of trust issues. My family only knows about one of those events and they don't want me to disclose it because the police would have to get involved (in Ireland child sex abuse is always reported to the police because of the risk that the abuser will act again). I've put off reporting my abuse because of the long waiting lists for counselling, financial burdens, timing, and now this move abroad. Now I regret it because I feel guilty that someone else could be being abused and I've enabled it in a sense. But I worry that if I report this they will try to stop me from going abroad, which will only worsen my mental health even further. I'm also worried that my family will find out about my report of the incidents they don't know about, one of which involved a relative. I don't know what to do. I don't have a choice about getting the police involved, and I know my family will push against it. I feel guilty, sick, and like my PTSD is only getting worse the longer I hold onto these secrets. My abuse is a taboo and I can't tell any of my friends, so I have no outlet for advice. I can't access diagnosis or treatment without disclosing and therefore starting this destructive process. What do I do in this situation? I feel too afraid to do the right thing, and I feel like reporting will harm me. Advice needed!

2019-08-20T18:21:58.000Z

ct3j28

ptsd

TW: Reporting Abuse

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ct3j28/tw_reporting_abuse/

DaddyXaZa

Parents who have had to watch their child die, how have you coped with the memories? Maybe you have an answer. I sure don't. I suffer from PTSD from these memories, but they are literally all the memories I have of my daughter, who only visited for 12 days. It is very difficult to separate the horror from the beauty. What are some things folks have done?

2019-08-20T17:47:20.000Z

ct2yxd

ptsd

Parents who have had to watch their child die, how have you coped with the memories?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ct2yxd/parents_who_have_had_to_watch_their_child_die_how/

Daisy13892

I have begun to realize over the past couple of years that I have medical PTSD resulting from the treatment of a heart condition that I was born with. I have had various hospital appointments over the course of my life (now in my mid-twenties) as well as tests and a second surgery several years ago. I will require more of all of these in the future. Since I was a child I have had severe reactions when going to the hospital or even thinking about my condition and I would break down in tears as a child during appointments. I hate being touched and having to undress during appointments, I feel like I am being violated. My brain and body react to the doctors and nurses as if they were going to hurt me, I am physically and mentally terrified of even going near them and I am completely unable to consciously override this reaction. I cannot stand sounds, sights and smells that remind me of anything to do with my condition, and I will actively go out of my way to avoid them. I have flashbacks where I involuntarily replay experiences in the hospital and similar nightmares several times per week. I've also had issues with malpractice, administrative errors and one doctor being almost emotionally abusive, deliberately exaggerating the severity of her condition so they could exercise power and authority over me as a terrified child. I've been diagnosed with a number of mental health conditions after short consultations with a GP - depression, anxiety, insomnia, health anxiety, social anxiety, but since becoming aware of the symptoms of ptsd and briefly seeing a therapist last year, it has become clear to me that undiagnosed ptsd is likely at the root of my problems. I feel like I am constantly in fight or flight mode, I can't calm down, slow down my breathing or untense my muscles because I have so much adrenaline flowing through my body all the time. I also think I'm seeing physical symptoms from being in this state for so much of my life - tiredness, poor concentration, autoimmune disorders, etc. I',m currently contacting therapists with experience working with ptsd to see if I can finally start to get a handle on this. For a long time I've struggled with feeling like my symptoms weren't legitimate, being told by doctors and my parents that I was just making it up for attention, I was a clever girl and I needed to stop messing around, that nothing was really wrong etc, all while my trust in people continues to get worse and I use substances to try and temper down my mental and physical reactions. I think by posting my story here I just want some sort of validation that my ptsd is real and valid, that I deserve help and treatment. I would really appreciate a conversation with anybody with medical ptsd, or anyone that can relate in general, feel free to DM me! Thank you for reading this small essay, it really means a lot to me.

2019-08-20T15:11:21.000Z

ct0fqm

ptsd

Medical PTSD - My Story

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ct0fqm/medical_ptsd_my_story/

Annme319

Guys, I was officially diagnosed a week ago Thursday. I thought I was suffering from depression which was off and on, but would have these "episodes" which would send me on a downhill spiral every so often. I hadn't had one in awhile but the Friday before my appointment I had a doozy right in front of a good friend. She suggested I describe it to my therapist, and after doing so the therapist said she was confident we were dealing with PTSD and that diagnosis "trumps" depression. She has referred me to an EMDR lady that I'm to call this week. So here is my question: I have a friend of over a decade whom I met in AA. (I've been sober 14 years.) She is much older than me and has always been a bit controlling, but nothing too bad. Anyway, 3 years ago she lost a son to suicide and then last year her husband died. So I have pretty much been at her beck and call, giving her rides, helping her around the house, etc. I noticed sometime about 2 years ago that the friendship had become entirely one-sided, but she obviously needed a friend and I was her only one so this continued. Sometime in the last two years a relapse has occurred, but I can't pinpoint exactly when. (It's pills this time not alcohol) As the addiction has worsened, so has her treatment of me. I mostly just did what she asked to keep the peace. She has never been outright mean to me but I'm afraid of her because she gets incredibly angry at her remaining children when they don't do as she asks. Recently she has moved an hour away from me to be nearer to her children. She asked me to come see her place and I couldn't right away as I have a 7 year old son who was starting school and we were extremely busy. (Like oh crap! summer is over and we haven't done such and such) So I told her I'd be up after school started, and she gave me the silent treatment for a week until she asked me again when I would be bring my son to see her, and I said again after school starts. The 3rd time she sent a message stating that she and her daughter were both quite depressed and could I please come up the following day? At this point I went off the rails. I said nothing to her and instead got so angry that I wanted to throw my phone at the post office, I was absolutely terrified, I'm shaking even typing this out, I laid in a curled ball in a chair and intermittently spouted off angry stuff like how dare she and this ended with me completely breaking down in tears. Luckily my son was playing outside with my friend's daughter and did not get to see this display. After I calmed down a little bit I responded that I was sorry she was feeling bad, I'd be up to see her after school starts and maybe she should go to AA meeting. I of course haven't heard from her in over a week now. The reason I reacted this way is because this exchange reminded me of my mom so much. She was abusive to me for over 30 years, as I child I was literally beaten, starved and sent away. My mom is a drug addict like my friend and like my friend lies and pretends she's sober. As an adult my mother guilt tripped just like my friend, had no respect for any boundaries, and I walked in on her physically restraining my son when he was 2 years old because he was crying. She also would guilt me into doing things for her that she was capable of doing herself, just like my friend. I'd feel bad for her because of her health issues, lack of money, etc, feeling obligated to do as she wanted me too. After seriously contemplating suicide, I decided I didn't want to die and abandon my then 3 year old and husband, so I went NC and haven't spoken to my mom in over 4 years. I realize I have recreated the relationship with my mom with this friend. Where I need your expertise is would it be better to keep setting boundaries with her so I can get over the fear of doing so? This would be ideal but I run the risk of many more flashbacks and probably no improvement on her end. Or should I cut my losses? My decision maker is completely off line, and I have no idea what would be the best choice. My therapist says I need to think about whether or not this is a healthy relationship for me. My Dad says block her number and never speak to her again. My SO (who has also known her the whole 10 years) suggests just putting some distance between us but not cutting her off. The last suggestion would clearly be ideal, but just the though of driving up there and seeing her makes me get sweaty, like I'm getting ready to tumble down the spiral. If I tell her I'm having issues, I have a feeling she will react as she did when I discovered my husband's affair: "it's ok, just don't think about leaving him, he's given you a good life" is all she said and I was afraid to bring it up again although I was in agony for months I just pretended I was OK around her. Please help me, I'm a wreck. I hope I didn't trigger or offend anyone, I'm absolutely not wanting to do that. I appreciate you taking the time to read all this.

2019-08-20T14:11:40.000Z

cszhqk

ptsd

When certain people are triggering...advice please? possibly NSFW child abuse

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cszhqk/when_certain_people_are_triggeringadvice_please/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-20T13:17:07.000Z

csynsu

ptsd

Need advice

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/csynsu/need_advice/

milliepop90

I'm posting this in a hurry and running on 2 hours of sleep, so it'll probably sound jumbled but I need to get some of it off my chest and into a safe space. Some background: I was diagnosed with PTSD about 7 years ago. At the time, I had horrible flashbacks that kept me up for days and I ended up having some kind of manic episode which landed me in a couple of different mental hospitals; in hindsight, it probably happened due to the lack of sleep. But I kept my trauma a secret for years, and didn't tell any of the doctors so I was misdiagnosed with everything from bipolar disorder to schizoaffective disorder. Finally, I found a decent therapist at the last mental hospital I stayed at and we had a couple of illuminating sessions where my trauma finally came out and I learned about PTSD and flashbacks. However, I didn't continue therapy after I got out of the hospital because I couldn't find a good therapist that I "clicked" with. So I'm sure lots of my trauma is still unprocessed. Over the next few years after this bad episode, I went through a physically/emotionally abusive 4 year relationship, finally left him, moved out on my own, was single for a couple of years to try to get my shit together in an effort to prevent falling back into the same old patterns. I think I made a lot of progress, but last fall I met an amazing guy and we started a serious relationship. Being in this relationship, as good as it is, has weirdly brought up a lot of old trauma: insecurities, nightmares, etc.. no flashbacks, thank goodness. But my insecurity and jealousy is starting to negatively affect the relationship. I know the core of it is that I feel damaged, not good enough, and that I dont measure up. I re-enact old patterns despite my best efforts not to. And my current boyfriend, as patient and kind and understand as he is, becomes extremely frustrated at times. He has said that he walks on eggshells and has to watch what he says in order not to upset me. My emotions are even more volatile when I've been drinking or am hungover; unfortunately alcohol is a coping mechanism I've turned to for years. (I'm working on that problem to get a handle on it before it spirals out into full blown addiction.) I know my behavior is toxic and I have to get my shit together soon before I end up pushing my SO away. It would be a terrible shame to lose him. We talk about marriage and starting a family in the future. He's everything I've ever wanted, but I cant stop feeling like I don't deserve something this good. I'm moving in with him in less than 2 weeks which is a big deal in itself, since it involves me quitting my full time job and moving to a brand new town an hour away. I am 100% sure this is what I want, but I'm self-sabatoging and I cant seem to stop. Any little thing he says triggers a strong reaction of jealousy or fear in my brain. Typing this I feel like it reads like more of a question for the relationship advice sub, but I dont know if I'm even looking for advice. I know I need to get a handle on this problem and get into therapy again (a challenge in itself since my insurance is running out at the end of the month until i can find another full time job). I guess I just know that the root of all this is my previous trauma, how it made me feel like I'm not worthy of love that isnt abusive.. and I'm looking for people who can relate in some way. I feel like I'm going crazy. It's only gotten really bad as we approach moving day so I'm sure the anxiety from that is contributing. Thanks for giving me a space to vent and for reading if you've made it this far.

2019-08-20T13:08:36.000Z

csyj1v

ptsd

PTSD and relationship issues.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/csyj1v/ptsd_and_relationship_issues/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-20T12:08:03.000Z

csxnfi

ptsd

I’m feeling suicidal and there’s 10 people ahead of me on the suicide hotline

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/csxnfi/im_feeling_suicidal_and_theres_10_people_ahead_of/

spacejamisraw

I’m in a desperate spot right now as I’ve been barely able to function due to suicidal thoughts for some time. I may need to take a drastic step in treatment as anti depressants and anti psychotics have largely been unhelpful. Any suggestions on what could be of help would be greatly appreciated. Here are some of the treatments I’m weighing: Transcranial magnetic stimulation EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) Medical marijuana Cbd oil

2019-08-20T11:59:48.000Z

csxj8e

ptsd

Which treatment should help my major depressive disorder/ptsd the most? Which treatments have you had success with?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/csxj8e/which_treatment_should_help_my_major_depressive/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-20T11:31:14.000Z

csx4rc

ptsd

Retraumatizing myself

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/csx4rc/retraumatizing_myself/

AzuraBeth

So this isn't part of my PTSD but it did influence my mental health issues and also how I now refuse to talk to my mum about what caused my PTSD. When I was in sixth form I was severely depressed and doing my a levels really fucked me up which caused health problems I'm still dealing with. On my last day/ exam I was petrified because I couldn't understand or remember what I needed to for that exam. However, I put some effort into how I looked (my go to coping mechanism when I know I'll get nervous) and was feeling like I looked amazing. That was up until this teacher called me out in front of my friends and other teachers saying that the skirt I wore which I had been wearing for the majority of the year, was too short. This crushed my confidence and as I was already super self conscious, I just went into a really dark place and dissociated for the first and only time in my life. When I got home I was sobbing and looked to get comfort from my mum (who has the emotional capacity of a brick wall). She took the teachers side and taught me that she'd never take my side in times when I'm the victim. Well yesterday I found out that the teacher in question is on strict bail and is going to court because he assaulted an underage girl who was the same age that I was when this happened (17 years old). When my mum found out she said "well he was a very good and nice teacher so that girl must be lying". So it's pretty obvious why I never told her about what happened to me. I just hope this asshole gets locked away but his career is already ruined so I guess karma's a bitch! Sorry for the rant, I'm just feeling a lot of mixed emotions right now.

2019-08-20T11:24:04.000Z

csx1fo

ptsd

Slight victory thanks to karma

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/csx1fo/slight_victory_thanks_to_karma/

throwawayptsdgirl

Throwaway because maybe I’m an emotional idiot, or maybe my life is about to change. I don’t know. Also, I’m sorry for the length or any formatting issues, as I’m on mobile. I need some help from this lovely community. Before I go into detail, I’m waiting on being seen by a psychiatrist so my brain chemicals can be settled. I’ve not considered seeking therapy recently as I have felt at peace, but now I’m not so sure. I do have the diagnoses of panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, PTSD, and depression. I know a ton of symptoms of one diagnosis could be related to a different diagnosis, but I’m the first person in my family to have any mental health issues. For that reason, I’m so new to the world of mental health that I have no clue what’s considered a symptom and what isn’t. I think I’ve been experiencing some phenomenon where I’m processing my subconscious thoughts in my sleep. This isn’t a PTSD nightmare, as I’m not waking up with the typical symptoms that accompany them. In fact, I wake up calm and clear headed. I have made some small life decisions based on these dreams before, but now I’m starting to have dreams that could cause larger life decisions if I react to them. Before I go off the deep end, my question is, is this even a thing? Am I dreaming normally about a random subject, or is this actually my brain trying to process my deepest thoughts and feelings? And if the latter is the case, is it typical to want to change the situation based upon what one has subconsciously come to? Is it even healthy, for that matter? I really appreciate any help. I know this may sound like common sense to some, but I really am a novice when it comes to this sort of thing.

2019-08-20T10:52:23.000Z

cswmo4

ptsd

PTSD & the subconscious

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cswmo4/ptsd_the_subconscious/

[deleted]

kinds of too ashamed to talk to anyone right now but i need a friend so badly. my psychiatrist and trauma therapist said it's normal for emotions to go haywire and stress responses to crop back up when you're concentrating years of trauma in one hour sessions so i guess lashing out is a human thing. but i feel like the biggest raging bitch and i want to disappear and i really hope the things i said don't get spread around. I'm so exhausted with this drama.

2019-08-20T08:20:03.000Z

csuv2p

ptsd

I'm losing my forking mind

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/csuv2p/im_losing_my_forking_mind/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-20T07:12:29.000Z

csu1e8

ptsd

Bumped into one of my old abusers best friend today and it triggered me hours later

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/csu1e8/bumped_into_one_of_my_old_abusers_best_friend/