Datasets:

quocanh34

/

mental_health_dataset_1

like 5

StumpedLump

I had an eating disorder as a teenager that ran until I was around 21. It went from restricting myself at 14 to only eating \~1000 calories a day to binging and purging weekly for the next 8 years. 6 months before my trauma, I decided to end it. I started eating more and healthier and lifting weights instead of the \~80 minutes of cardio a day I was doing. I felt amazing. Then the trauma happened, and fitness was one of the interests I lost when the depression and PTSD hit. I couldn't sleep and had a very busy schedule, so I relied on (mainly junk) food to get me through all-nighters and long shifts. This turned to a comfort thing where I would down Ben and Jerry's and blame my depression. I couldn't even go back to doing cardio because an elevated heart-rate felt like a panic attack. Unsurprisingly, I gained 15 pounds, which is a lot on my 5'1 body. It's been a year and some months, and I'm safe again. I have my degree, a job, my own apartment, and stability. Yet all I want to do is lose this weight I gained. I associate it with the worst year of my life and everything in me wants to just go back to the "old me" before the trauma and, in hand, the weight gain. Yet I'm so scared this restriction is going to lead to my eating becoming disordered again. I have tried dieting, but I can't get myself to use calorie tracking apps and when I get too hungry I just...eat. I don't think about my allotted macros for the day or if I'm above or below my protein goal or if the food I'm eating "fits in my macros" anymore. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy eating with no restrictions and I still have my daily fruits and veggies. I'm also still very into weight-lifting and go to the gym 6 days a week still. I guess I just don't have the passion to diet and exercise like I used to for weight loss, though. I hear all the time about people with PTSD not eating and withering away because of the traumatic event they had to endure. Has anybody else experienced the opposite, though- relying on food to cope? It's hard for me to relate to most stories about PTSD because so many talk about experiencing nausea and an inability to eat - but the only thing I cared about after my trauma was eating. Maybe my history of heavy restriction caused my appetite increase after the trauma as a way of preventing myself from going down that path again. I don't know.

2019-09-05T02:41:10.000Z

czuw3k

ptsd

Has anyone's appetite actually increased after PTSD? TW: ED

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/czuw3k/has_anyones_appetite_actually_increased_after/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-05T02:28:44.000Z

czur3r

ptsd

PTSD from drug use?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/czur3r/ptsd_from_drug_use/

i-needadvice301

I’m 19 years old, I have been raped sexually assaulted from the age of six have had a very bad home life have had relentless bullying and have had other awful things happen to me my entire life, I’m poor I’m i moved back to my birth place alone from the age of 17 away from old family I have random spouts or deep sadness and hopelessness and suicidal thoughts, I have no money what’s so ever and can’t afford a doctor. I’ll go into more details if needed but I can’t listen to songs that have anything to do with my past even if they have nothing to do with my trauma it pains me to look at old pictures even if they are happy times I can’t look at my old art or drawings because the past is so painful even if they are nothing to do with it. It’s unbearable if I hear certain words it brings me back. I know this isn’t a medical page or anything I need help I feel hopeless this is a last resort I need advice or opinions do you think it’s possible I suffer with ptsd ? I’m saving to go to the doctor I just need insight I feel insane, nobody feels like I do please help me.

2019-09-05T00:04:53.000Z

czt2un

ptsd

I need opinions

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/czt2un/i_need_opinions/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-04T20:03:44.000Z

czpza7

ptsd

Mandatory Active Shooter Training at Work

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/czpza7/mandatory_active_shooter_training_at_work/

rosie2290

possible tw ok so basically i have always had this strange memory where i am at the church that i went to as a kid and some old man who was like up there in the church was trying to get me to go with him into a van and i was like oh i should to go help him but then i got scared that he was going to kidnap me. fast forward a few years to when i was 19 and i was raped and on my way home from that i thought about this memory and i was like i was molested. like the thought just popped into my brain i hadn't thought about it in a really long time. i cant really remember clearly like what happened i just know i get like spells of thinking about it and like getting body memories from it and memories about the floor in the van and his beard and the hairs on the back of my neck standing up take over. but i cant like put my finger on like what he did exactly. like ive even passed out when getting these spells. am i making this up? i feel like i cant talk to my therapist about this because if i did i would explode probably lmao pls help

2019-09-04T19:28:59.000Z

czpl28

ptsd

why can't i remember?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/czpl28/why_cant_i_remember/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-04T17:12:47.000Z

cznrg5

ptsd

Nightmares

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cznrg5/nightmares/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-04T16:56:55.000Z

cznjwa

ptsd

How to stop overthinking?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cznjwa/how_to_stop_overthinking/

BlueSwitchez

There are times we just cant stand the world we live in. Not on our own behalf, but in the suffering of others. I think some of us feel for people more than most, having survived our own worst nightmares. And it can take a toll on our personal wellbeing. My daughter went out to the bar with her friends Saturday. First time without mama there. But, her best friend's dad works in the kitchen. Big tough (but sweet) guy everyone knows and respects. Her other friend's dad was there watching out for her. She was with the two most responsible 21 year olds I know, her best friend & her protective boyfriend, who I love like my own. She was less than a minute from our house! My nervous mommy-heart tried to rest assured, she was safe. And, she was. But. A 20 year old kid, not a local, was here for labor day. He was staying in a summer cottage by the lake. There are 2 bars on my road. He, with the big holiday crowd, managed to slip into the bars, looking for a girl. He came up to the kids' table, chatted and asked if they'd seen her. He left on foot. Mag and her friends left the bar after 3. That kid was dead within the hour, found unresponsive on the road near the last bar. They had JUST talked to him!! It was initially believed he was the victim of a drunken driver, hit and run. But now, there are more questions. Cause of death is pending autopsy. The kids are devastated. My town is upside down. Her friend worked there that night in the kitchen & joined them after. She worked last night as well, came here in tears, just heart torn. My babies are hurting and I can't bear it! And the world feels that much more dangerous. So difficult to ever feel the same. She was safe.. And..where one of my best friends lives, a 2 year old was hit by a car and killed. This on the tail of a 10 year old murdered, strangled by her stepmother, all this weekend in the same area. I'm shook. Anxiety is BEYOND. All these young ppl lost in the space of days, it's stomping my heart. In times like these, dark dark days, how the hell do we have Faith in this sometimes ugly, evil world again?!😔💔

2019-09-04T16:56:38.000Z

cznjqc

ptsd

One heartbroken mom, here

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cznjqc/one_heartbroken_mom_here/

juiceepeach

is it safe to try to treat yourself with ptsd? I have been trying to watch videos and do workbooks but nothing is working and I don't even know if it's a good idea

2019-09-04T13:57:19.000Z

czl84y

ptsd

treat yourself?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/czl84y/treat_yourself/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-04T12:49:15.000Z

czkf28

ptsd

Is it okay it have to wear something into a dorm shower?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/czkf28/is_it_okay_it_have_to_wear_something_into_a_dorm/

buurd

I'm suffering from ptsd from several bad experiences and its been nearly ten years, but I think my symptoms have been getting worse recently. I signed up for a research study for ptsd treatment because I don't have health insurance right now and free therapy sounded great. I know that treatment wont make it all better right away and that it is likely to get worse first. But after 4-5 weeks of treatment I stopped going, I haven't officially "quit" but I probably will. It was so intense and so hard to handle. My symptoms got worse to where it was affecting my job performance and I've been taking unprescribed ativan from time to time just so I can function. I feel like I can't handle it anymore and ever since I stopped going to therapy I've felt so much better (go figure). Its just difficult when I'm also having to go to work and be a normal person. What else can I try as far treatment? The research study was on exposure therapy. I'll have health insurance in a month and I could find someone in my network... I just don't even know where to begin. How can I go through intense treatment like that but still live a normal life at the same time and go to work? Any advice is appreciated, thanks.

2019-09-04T11:46:09.000Z

czjqey

ptsd

Best treatment for ptsd?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/czjqey/best_treatment_for_ptsd/

[deleted]

To start, my mum clearly has a undiagnosed Anxiety disorder like OCD and GAD, i know as i have them two which are treated. All she does is worry excessively, and when i ask her to describe her feelings, she always speaks fast and says she is anxious. All the damn time, she's been abused all her life be it from her dad, and previous partners. Her behaviors almost cross into the territory of a personality disorder like BPD/ASPD, although she has a lot of empathy and is affected by a lot of emotion to things out of her control and for other people. But yes, she is generally a toxic person, she seems to be as provocative as the other person in arguments. It's causing me a lot of stress because we have a neighbor who is causing public nuisance, and although that nuisance affects me, what affects me is my mothers response to the nuisance. We are awaiting the verdict of a landlord to see if those tenants will be evicted. you see she had been in a relationship with someone who had NPD so she has lots of traumas from it, and this tenant who is 12 that is causing the nuisance has the exact same traits as her ex. All day today she has been telling me ''Will the tenant keep provoking me'', and you can clearly see that she is extremely affected by this. I think the nuisance does need to stop and it affects me, but the police cannot do virtually anything as he isn't really committing a crime and is 12, it annoys me every bit as it annoys her but the difference is i try put headphones in and ignore it, my mother on the other hand reacts and in retrospect just causes more of the trouble, practically giving the person fuel.

2019-09-04T10:39:14.000Z

czj3qo

ptsd

How to help mother with PTSD who is constantly reacting to things and has zero composure to control her emotions?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/czj3qo/how_to_help_mother_with_ptsd_who_is_constantly/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-04T06:58:10.000Z

czhc8o

ptsd

I don't know what to do from here. Figuered I am dead

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/czhc8o/i_dont_know_what_to_do_from_here_figuered_i_am/

[deleted]

It really plants a deep seed of anger and irritation in my heart when I hear those words. I also hate being told that I have to be strong, even though I know it’s relatively decent “advice”. No shit, I have to be strong. Otherwise I wouldn’t even be here right now. Someone said to me that they went through a comparable minor incident (breakup of a <2 year relationship), and got through it by praying to God, saying it liberated him and made him feel so content with life. And while yes, he is valid to feel upset about it, I don’t think it’s appropriate to bring that up to compare to my bus crash and my mental recovery with it. They and their family also went on to tell me that my medication was all gateway bullshit that I need to get off of and being the passive dipshit I am, I agreed with them and went along with all of it. Not to mention, when I told them I have PTSD, they went on to ask about my symptoms and even asked “oh, what are your visions?” “what are your nightmares?” “what do you see at night?” and a TON of follow-up questions that forced me to go into detail that I didn’t want to. Again, I’m passive as hell so it’s not easy to say no to anyone, but I just wish people were more considerate and understanding. It’s not like I’m asking them to never talk about vehicle accidents, or to never make any quick movements, so why is it so hard to be decent and accommodate my basic needs? I’m sure people who don’t have PTSD at least know not to fucking ask about their flashbacks in detail.

2019-09-04T06:06:31.000Z

czgwxk

ptsd

DAE HATE when people say “it will get better” or “I went through x and got through it with praying, you should too”? Or am I just sensitive and caving to the aggression of my PTSD symptoms?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/czgwxk/dae_hate_when_people_say_it_will_get_better_or_i/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-04T04:50:48.000Z

czg8zd

ptsd

I need help. I'm panicking pretty bad right now.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/czg8zd/i_need_help_im_panicking_pretty_bad_right_now/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-04T04:42:24.000Z

czg67p

ptsd

I used to understand myself. Now I am just angry.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/czg67p/i_used_to_understand_myself_now_i_am_just_angry/

j00mie

Hello all, has anyone experienced slight hallucinations from being hyper vigilant? I sometimes feel like I see something out of the corner of my eye like a bug or spider crawling on the wall and I look and there's nothing. I also feel like I see someone coming toward me when really they are walking just close by. I asked my therapist if I should have some other diagnosis for this issue, but she told me that it most likely is related to my diagnosis of PTSD Any thoughts?

2019-09-04T03:26:06.000Z

czfeon

ptsd

Hallucinations?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/czfeon/hallucinations/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-04T03:00:11.000Z

czf4rf

ptsd

I can’t bring myself to write about what happened.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/czf4rf/i_cant_bring_myself_to_write_about_what_happened/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-04T02:37:58.000Z

czevvk

ptsd

My story

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/czevvk/my_story/

Starfire911

2019-09-04T01:26:33.000Z

cze245

ptsd

Anyone else get intense migraines?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cze245/anyone_else_get_intense_migraines/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-04T00:29:56.000Z

czdeai

ptsd

Sharing my PTSD story

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/czdeai/sharing_my_ptsd_story/

dddulcie

CPTSD from childhood trauma. I can feel the attacks (or maybe emotional flashbacks, panic attacks, I don’t know) coming on. I can feel it now. My chest is tight and my breathing is labored. I’m weak, dizzy, lightheaded. I’ve had three already today. They usually last 10-30 minutes and bring up memories. Feels a lot like a panic attack but with more physical symptoms and more rational emotion tied to it. They just started two weeks ago and seem to get more and more frequent. What do I do? My therapist just said to allow flashbacks to happen. I feel like I was told the diagnosis today, told that what I’m feeling is valid, and was told to feel it, and then we ran out of time. Are these attacks going to go away? Do I just let it happen and then....then what? I’m acknowledging and trying to validate the pain I feel tied to my childhood. What is the process of healing here? I’m scared that I have literally no idea what I’m supposed to be doing or what to expect. I just know these panic attacks or flashbacks or whatever are happening more often every day. They happen when driving, when I’m at work, I just break down crying multiple times a day and it’s really getting in the way. I’m a mess with no idea how to heal or cope. I don’t know if this post even makes sense lol

2019-09-04T00:18:39.000Z

czd9kg

ptsd

Please help me. I was just diagnosed today and haven’t really been told how to deal with the flashbacks and panic attacks. I wasn’t told what to expect or how to deal with it. Just need some guidance or advice

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/czd9kg/please_help_me_i_was_just_diagnosed_today_and/

madsmcgee

So today was my second day at my new job (I'm a barista at Starbucks). This is the first time in 3 ish months that I've worked. I got fired at my last job because I had to go to inpatient in June and I couldn't show up to work. When I got back from inpatient, I wanted to talk to the HR lady to see where I stand with my job. Considering I didn't have a choice in my hospitalization, I thought it would be fine. Well, it wasn't fine. She didn't even talk to me in private, she just fired me in the lobby in front of people. It triggered me so hard, I just gave up on trying. Fast forward to now, I'm feeling really good about life. I still struggle, but I can sorta manage it. But it's difficult for me to get back into the working mindset. I'm so scatterbrained, I can't focus, I dissociate all the time. It's exhausting. Plus I'm CS (customer support) so every 15 minutes I have to brew coffee and make customer connections (talk and interact with them). IT IS KILLING ME. I'm so awkward, and I can't seem to get a grip on anything. It's a continuous cycle of me not being able to focus, so it stresses me out, which makes me dissociate, which makes me try to focus even harder. So on and so forth. My coworkers are very supportive of me, but I don't think most of them understand what PTSD is. I always get a uncomfortable vibe once I tell someone about my diagnosis. It was super uncomfortable my first day because another guy who started the same day as me (who btw, I met at partial of all places) ASKED ME IN FRONT OF MY MANAGER WHAT MY DIAGNOSES WERE. I felt like I was outed. It makes me cringe when I think of that moment. I'm trying to be positive, but it's really hard to at the moment.

2019-09-03T22:25:45.000Z

czbwni

ptsd

I feel like anytime I open up to someone about my PTSD, I scare them off.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/czbwni/i_feel_like_anytime_i_open_up_to_someone_about_my/

milkystarrgirl

I've had EDMR treatment for my PTSD, and whilst it has helped me overcome panic attacks and flashbacks, I'm still getting the same 2 recurring nightmares where I'm back in that awful house with my abusive ex. My therapist suggested writing it all down and then writing how I want the dream to go, a happy one. But that didn't work. Any tips?

2019-09-03T21:48:47.000Z

czbfhs

ptsd

Tips on stopping nightmares?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/czbfhs/tips_on_stopping_nightmares/

ABrazilianReasons

Hey guys. First of all, I would like to say I have the utmost respect for anyone here suffering from PTSD. I don't believe I ever faced a traumatic situation such as many people here like death, abuse, war, accident or another tragedy. I am, however, starting to believe I am suffering deeply from a situation that I lived through several years ago, in 2013. To understand the size of the problem I must first explain to you who I was at that time. I grew up in church, obeying all the laws of the evangelical church. My father was dealing with a lot of stress from work (and his own issues) so he wasn't very affective when I was a kid. He used to shout at me during discussions so I usually just shut my mouth off and internalized all the pain instead of discussing further. He got pretty mad whenever our bus was late and blamed it on us being aloof and missing the bus that would get there a few minutes earlier. Me being quiet when my father was shouting was considered virtuous by my mom. Both my siblings would answer back to him and not internalize the pain the way I did. My mom used to say "why aren't you two like him? Whenever dad shouts at him he just stays quiet instead of furthering the discussion" I thought I was doing the right thing. When you add Church and God into the mix, I thought I was doing what God wanted me to do, so obeying my parents had a "reward" attached to it. Another thing that was always important to me was having the affection of a girl. Ever since I was 5 or 6 I was already falling in love with girls (I am a male). And that was fairly common. Soon after, probably when I was around 10 or 11 I was already listening and learning about waiting and "saving" myself for marriage. So I didn't kiss girls even though I was infatuaited by them. I knew, in time, I would have a great marriage. I just had to keep being a good son of God. And man, I was the best at doing that. I evangelized other people, I prayed and had a meaningful relationship with God, Jesus, my pastors and leaders and etc... I read the bible and didn't look porn even though I had sexual urges and masturbated every now and then which brought me overwhelming feelings of guilt. I didn't care about finding a virgin woman. I never did. I thought that it was important for me to "save" myself sexually in order to be a good husband for my future wife. I didn't care if she had sex before or not. I thought that by having this sort of mentality I would make a woman very happy one day. That she would feel grateful for knowing I had never "sinned" and was all "saved up" for her. When I was 22 years old, I finally started dating. That was also my first kiss. The woman in question wasn't a christian for her whole life, just for about 3 years and was a bit older than me (2 years). She already had sexual experiences and long term relationships before me. And, since I was sooooo good at being a "saint" child of God, the leaders from her church and her parents were impressed with me. They thought I was a catch, a man of God and she went for it, even though, as I learned later, she wasn't in love with me. Our relationship was difficult. I was deeply in love with her and she wasn't. I think, in some level, I could sense that. She was very chill and neutral regarding me. It was easy to reschedule a coffee or dinner with me so she could see her friends instead. I think she didn't really feel anything for me, not at least on the same level I felt for her. (which, I know now, should be ok. Love is something that grows). we gave our first kiss and were trying to save ourselves for marriage. We were constantly touching each other and doing sexual stuff (without penetration) and feeling extremely guilty right after. She felt specially guilty, because she thought, due to her sexual past, she was tempting me and making me sin. for mee, since I never had sex before and was honestly a bit affraid to disappoint her, it was easier to avoid having sex at all. Time went by, a few months and she moved to another city for a job. We kept seeing each other during the weekends, where we spent most of the time together. There was a rush for us to get married soon, so we could have sex. Plus, we really thought we loved each other. One night, she told me had doubts. Doubts about us, doubts about loving me. I was crushed. It was so difficult to process all that. I thought, how could this be happening? I did everything God wanted me to. She later told me about how she felt guilty about having a sexual history with other people while I didn't. She said it would be "easier" if I had already had sex in the past. During these conversationsations, I also found a list that she wrote during those days where she said she didn't feel proud of me nor any expectations to get married or a "desire" to see me. A bit more down the line, I still recall this, we were on the phone talking about it the situation. I asked her: I asked her \- Do you have feelings for someone else? \- No - she said, hesitantly. \- Do you promise? A silence \- No. That crushed me. Even now, writting about this, I feel my heart pounding and I am shaking a bit. (this was November, 2013). She explained to me how she felt some "interest" for some guys at her new workplace. They weren't Christians. She said she thought she would be "happier with them, at first, but maybe some doubts would come later". It hurt me deeply. Everything I was at that point got crushed. I put a pillow on my face and screamed while crying. I did everything God wanted and was told for 23 years but all that was considered as a weight for her. Needless to say, we broke up. And honestly, it's been the hardest thing on the planet to fall in love with any other girl. Even if I do fall in love, its only with unavailable women (already in a relationship or girls who want nothing with me). If a girl reciprocates my feelings, I lose interest. I have abandoned God during the subsequent years. I allowed myself to experience sex, kissing girls, going on dates with non christian women and basically living the adolescence that I didn't have during me teenage years. However, it's too much to bear. Being a Christian was my whole identity. I don't know who I am anymore and when I tried being in a relationship it was hell. I became so insecure, jealous and possessive. When I have a relationship, it's like I am waiting for it to fall apart. For me to discover that I am being cheated on or something. Looking for signs that the love is over. Am I suffering from PTSD? Can this horrifying break up be considered a traumatic event? I don't want to say that it is a traumatic event when I look around me and I see so many others horrifying experiences of tragedy. At the same time, if it is PTSD, I need help. I want to have a normal life. I want to love again. I want to move on and hope again for a better future. If you read till here, I appreciate it. Thanks guys

2019-09-03T20:08:07.000Z

cza3in

ptsd

Am I suffering from PTSD? (long post)

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cza3in/am_i_suffering_from_ptsd_long_post/

juiceepeach

Is there any way you can do treatment for yourself if you cannot afford professional help? I have read lots of stuff online and watched lots of youtube videos as well as journaling and cbt and dbt workbooks but nothing seems to click for me and im getting desperate.

2019-09-03T19:57:15.000Z

cz9y7w

ptsd

treatment on your own?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cz9y7w/treatment_on_your_own/

Nulltemp

It's when nothing matters anymore… signals become no different than noise. Perception is intended to find patterns - rhythm… pull back enough and it scatters; I can't recognize a thing.  I think it started in the lacuna. You lose yourself there - ghost memories; they mean no harm but can't help but haunt. Peer deep enough and maybe you'll get a flash. A moment in time decrypted but without context. Sometimes it's not very clear - blurred like my glasses were broken. I broke them often... which explains the lack of focus.  I now know that pain isn't very scary. Because I don't remember how much it hurt. That was forgotten as were the bruises. What you remember is the fear, the tension; the grit you had to conjure… teeth that clench and grunts forced through undeveloped vocal cords.  You dissociate at these times because you're enduring. It's how the brain deals - I hear many like me also view these types of memories in the third person. It's because you're above yourself - the fear gets you high like K… dissociatives would probably be like walking into an old home… abandoned with blanket curtains and a corner for junkies to die from avoidance. Avoid those things best you can but I don't blame them anymore. Must be nice.  I haven't fully given up. There is a resounding force in me. At times I can lose sight but I can manage to feel my way through. You put your hands forward and examine textures. What feels right? which is the right way? Being blind in this way has its advantages - creativity is essential; psychologically I am advanced. I have poor sight yet great insight. A third eye with 20/20 vision. I try and be humble but with this I cannot. This is the core of my pride. What I've been through has earned my eternal respect. I deserve to see myself as a survivor and in that I can say I have achieved. That's what matters.

2019-09-03T19:57:12.000Z

cz9y6s

ptsd

Trigger warning. Wrote this thinking about what I go through.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cz9y6s/trigger_warning_wrote_this_thinking_about_what_i/

byzvntine

Hey everyone, Long story short-- traumatic event happened 9 years ago (series of events). After surviving it, I was treated for 8 years on sertraline for "OCD and excessive worry" (confirmed by two therapists in the past 8 years), but it was only this summer that, after a massive trigger, I sought a therapist, who ended up treating it as PTSD. Then, this summer, we worked on it via cognitive processing therapy. It wasn't easy, and it wasn't always pleasant, but I feel better, and I am processing/thinking about the experience better. &#x200B; Thank you to my therapist! I want to just post this as a post of encouragement for all of you on this sub.. I still have some stuff to work out, but I am finally at peace with certain aspects of the trauma, and its effects are much milder. Keep at it!

2019-09-03T19:33:16.000Z

cz9mnh

ptsd

Today, I 'graduated' from cognitive processing therapy

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cz9mnh/today_i_graduated_from_cognitive_processing/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-03T18:56:14.000Z

cz94vv

ptsd

Do I deserve death?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cz94vv/do_i_deserve_death/

Simbacutie

Anyone with child sexual abuse that read this book?

2019-09-03T17:33:40.000Z

cz817j

ptsd

Wanting to read the Handmade’s Tale but worried it might trigger me?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cz817j/wanting_to_read_the_handmades_tale_but_worried_it/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-03T16:50:31.000Z

cz7ggo

ptsd

Does anyone have catatonic episodes? With or without flashbacks?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cz7ggo/does_anyone_have_catatonic_episodes_with_or/

[deleted]

[removed]

2019-09-03T16:21:32.000Z

cz72q1

ptsd

I hate my face

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cz72q1/i_hate_my_face/

[deleted]

I recently went to doctors to ask for a referral to the psychiatrist because I have been suffering from 'panic attacks' for almost 2 years now and I always thought that it was anxiety. (I am not diagnosed with anything) When I described my symptoms to the doctor (flashbacks, uncontrollable crying and crazy thoughts), he suspects I have PTSD. I apologise for sounding ignorant, but the thing is, I always thought that to have PTSD, I had to go through seriously traumatic events like rape, violence etc. In my case, the things I went through were not as severe in my opinion. I went through a loss, sexual harassments here and there, and repeated betrayal from people who I love most over the years but I feel like it's only normal for literally everyone in this world to go through it... I'm worried about my appointment with the psychiatrist because I don't want to seem as if I am overreacting.

2019-09-03T14:48:56.000Z

cz5v4y

ptsd

Am I overreacting?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cz5v4y/am_i_overreacting/

SmezBob

My ptsd isn’t from anything doing with crowds, but I can’t stand being so close to people. Does anyone else here know if that has anything to do with ptsd, or if I’m just weird?

2019-09-03T10:08:40.000Z

cz2uoe

ptsd

Is it normal to hate being crowded?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cz2uoe/is_it_normal_to_hate_being_crowded/

[deleted]

When people are around me, I feel they are cutting my head. I can't really talk to people. What should I do? In fact, my problem is not just PTSD. It includes Borderline personality disorder. I don't want to fail the first two speech exam speeching in front of people and then trying to find out what I should have.

2019-09-03T08:56:44.000Z

cz292o

ptsd

I am currently taking a speech class. What kind of test accommodations should I have?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cz292o/i_am_currently_taking_a_speech_class_what_kind_of/

zimmtt

Important note: I’m 18, female, and don’t have any known history of sexual trauma or PTSD. I don’t know if this belongs here but I don’t know where else to turn. I’ve had issues sexually for the past few years (F), specifically issues with my pelvic floor, it is constantly clenched and I have no control over it. This has led to bed wetting which I had a pelvic floor exam for. I cried the whole time because it was so painful and distressing and felt sick and sad for a couple days after. I don’t have any sexual trauma as far as I know, but the doctor said that normally only patients with trauma in their past experience these symptoms. I did have an experience when I was 15 where I did something sexual I did not really want to do, and felt sick afterwards. I consented to it though and my partner stopped when I asked and don’t feel like it’s “enough” to warrant some kind of trauma. Additionally I have a nightmare about a man violently r*ping me in a car that I just can’t get out of my head even during the day it makes me want to cry. I don’t know what is happening to me and don’t know where to turn for help. Suggestions?

2019-09-03T03:59:24.000Z

cyzr69

ptsd

Don’t know what’s going on with me. (TW: NSFW?)

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cyzr69/dont_know_whats_going_on_with_me_tw_nsfw/

SabrinaOfTheNight

Hey Everyone, As the title suggests, I am worried about my future. I am constantly exposed to my triggers, and as a result I keep decompensating, even when I access mental health support. I’m really at my wits end and I’m almost out of friends in town. If anyone has any suggestions I’d love to hear them. I’ve been putting in so much effort to get healthy, but to no avail. Cheers, Sabrina

2019-09-03T03:48:21.000Z

cyzn9p

ptsd

Afraid I’ll Never Get Better

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cyzn9p/afraid_ill_never_get_better/

a5345

Hey guys, I figured I'd write here, because you would probably know what to think/do. Back home where I live, I volunteer as an EMT which is fun, but we obviously get some heavy calls. I was okay with most of them, but the time I saw someone die in front of their daughter was hard for me to get over. After I talked to some people who went through similar things and waited a bit, I was able to get over it and stop thinking about it for the most part. That changed recently though. I just moved into college, and it's mostly fun, but it's also stressful. It was manageable in the beginning, but then I found out that my (ex)girlfriend slept with someone the day she got to school. (We were on a break, but still...). I thought about that call a little bit before, but not enough to remember what it was actually like. The night she told me, I thought about the whole thing. The way the daughter cried as we walked into the apartment, and how the body of her mom just seemed to stare at me as I did compressions and ventilated her. I wouldn't call it PTSD because I'm able to function normally even when I'm thinking about it and I wouldn't really call it flashbacks, but it's not really pleasant. I was just wondering if you guys have any input on how to stop thinking about it. Thanks!

2019-09-03T03:36:14.000Z

cyzixn

ptsd

Don't know if I should be concerned

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cyzixn/dont_know_if_i_should_be_concerned/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-03T02:25:53.000Z

cyysh7

ptsd

How often do you experience numbness or depression?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cyysh7/how_often_do_you_experience_numbness_or_depression/

TheVeggieLife

Marked as NSFW as it might be triggering to those who dealt with abusive households. In December, I decided to spontaneously cease contact with my dad when an opportunity arose. I had been ruminating over that thought for years. I thought I would be free of his emotional abuse, the feeling of being suffocated and having to answer to him. To my surprise, it got really bad. I began to dwell more on the past, and my mom was continuously making me feel guilty, claiming to not understand what could’ve possibly went wrong. This was exhausting to go through. I developed a severe marijuana addiction as a result of being unable to cope with those emotions. I was seeing a psychiatrist but they were ignorant to trauma. Last year, I witnessed the van attack in Toronto and it’s aftermath as I walked past Yonge street that day after work, bodies still laid down at 9 pm as the investigation wasn’t complete. This shook my sense of safety as well. I didn’t realize until my first appointment last week with a trauma specialist that it deeply disturbed me and made me incredibly uncomfortable in public. I’m almost done, I swear. Now I’m realizing how my mom was potentially worse than my dad in some regards. Some of the things she said to me when I decided to cut contact are now things that have made me want to stop contact with her. “I chose you my whole life over him and I suffered for it.” Not really something I wanted to hear, something she likely thinks I’ve forgotten. The more I think back, the more disturbed I get. I feel shackled to this fucked up family situation. The reason I haven’t gone entirely nuclear on my mom is because my younger sibling is still at home and it’s already been a difficult time since I ceased contact with my dad. My moms not making the house a very pleasant place (I moved out a while ago) If you’ve read this far, I appreciate you so much. Present day, I feel like my chest is full of dread and I feel so heavy. My personal hygiene is a joke, and I’m riddled with intrusive thoughts about harming myself that I can’t listen to because my partner will notice. I feel like I’ve been robbed of a shot at life and I’m so angry for it. I feel like I can’t breathe. I’ve asked to see the therapist on a weekly basis because I’ve never felt so bad. I thought in my twenties I was making progress on my mental health and this all creeped up on me out of nowhere. I was well aware of my situation but it never felt so... life altering. I’m more and more aware of how I’ve been robbed of a childhood, robbed of a sense of safety, robbed from a life free of anxiety and depression. I’m so bitter and angry and I just want to scream. This past week has been a literal hell for me and I don’t know how to get by until my appointment. I’m not a danger to myself I just don’t know how to cope. I’ve done so many therapies, I have all the tools. It just all feels meaningless when my situation will never really change. I hate my life.

2019-09-03T02:13:25.000Z

cyynlo

ptsd

Took me like 12 years to figure out I have PTSD. It feels as though I’m suffocating underneath an avalanche. [nsfw]

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cyynlo/took_me_like_12_years_to_figure_out_i_have_ptsd/

[deleted]

Hello, I've been dealing with CPTSD for about 25 years, 4 years ago I stopped taking medication and I started EMDR and exercising, and my life got significantly better. I was still dealing with a lot of issues, but I was maybe 90% recovered and I was just starting to build up a social life and career. I would still have occasional PTSD episodes but they would be rare and short lived. Unfortunately last year I had a serious accident at work, it put me back into the position I was in before, stuck at home all the time, very angry, lonely depressed. I couldn't manage my PTSD, and couldn't afford my EMDR. The job I had started was great at helping me to managing things so I was determined to get back to it, unfortunately I found out that my stress for my PTSD was actually aggravating my injury and making things worse. I've been able to gain a good deal of control again, I've got my exercise back after a while I got some financial support for EMDR. I'm finding though that the PTSD is a lot harder to manage, I seem to be getting extremely bad episodes that last for hours or days at a time. My first 20 years of this I didn't get these episodes at all because I was on medication, the last five years I've been getting some, but they were manageable, lately they've been much more common and severe even though most of my management techniques are back. I wanted to see if anyone had ever experienced anything like this, were you were able to manage things for a long time, things go bad for a while and when they're better you weren't able to manage your PTSD as well as before.

2019-09-03T01:17:06.000Z

cyy1er

ptsd

PTSD worse than it was before.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cyy1er/ptsd_worse_than_it_was_before/

disktoaster

TW needed here, but I'll try and stay away from incendiary language for that reason. Hopefully it's readable for some of the community here. It'll be a long one though; I tend to spill when I talk about any engaging subject matter. Particularly in this case, since I barely ever let ANYTHING out about a lot of this. Hopefully that's not trashy for a first non-reply post on a thread. I guess I just kind of need to write some things out for my own sake, whether anyone even sees them is sort of inconsequential but hopefully anyone who does read this takes something away from it. I was diagnosed less than a month ago at 28, but my trauma history started at birth. My birth took 48+ hours, I wasn't breathing on my own after fluid aspiration for the last several minutes of it, my mom basically didn't touch me until I was about 3 days old because I went straight into NICU with needles in every appendage for IV's and sampling and blood aeration, breathing and fluid extraction tubes down my throat, all kinds of shit. My reflexes were underresponsive for weeks and I had permanent anxiety as soon as I woke up. It never went away. But that's not why I'm here. I didn't let that anxiety control me in the least. I've always stood up for myself and others, ever since I realized people treat other people badly sometimes. The one thing this didn't apply to because I didn't understand it until I was significantly older: sexual abuse. When I was about 6 I was abused by a neighborhood boy (I'm also male), my age, who was probably also being abused at home, for probably about a year and a half. A few months into that, my stepbrother (my stepdad had two adopted kids with his ex-wife) coincidentally started doing the same. My younger sister ended up being brought into it once, but she immediately said something whereas I'd kept quiet because I'd already been getting messed with and was told to keep it quiet; I thought I "knew the drill." Again, 6 years old. My stepbrother did stop with her after that, and she got counseling for years afterward, but I felt like we were in trouble, and no one asked me outright, so I never spoke up and, well it didn't stop for a couple years for me. We came to find out much later that my stepbrother was being horrendously abused at home starting just before he started with me. His mom was active in the police community, and her boyfriend was a prominent policeman. He was all over TV, went to schools all the time to talk to young kids about cops, and was ridiculously well-respected. Personally, I thought he was a fucking creep the first time I ever met him at like 8 years old, but apparently the entire police department felt differently. I don't remember specifically whether he retired or stayed a cop, but when my stepbrother was 18 he moved out of there to come live with us at a place we'd gotten in the meantime, a few hundred miles away. We got him into the 18-21 program at my high school. He was <10 points above the IQ line where the state considers you mentally "retarded" so he fell through a lot of cracks but we did our damnedest to help him grow up because these people who'd taken custody like candy from a baby by leveraging their police connections, hadn't remotely attempted to raise him. Just fucking locked him up in an apartment they kept just for him, and only came by to bring food, and as we later found out, make child porn. I can only guess at this point, but I imagine he must have bragged at school like it was some kind of achievement while the other young men were undoubtedly talking about their own sexual conquests, because the day he brought it up with his dad (my stepdad), he was really confused. He still wasn't really sure if it was wrong or not. He'd obviously been talked to by one set of parents about the thing with my sister, but meanwhile, another set was apparently telling him that it was definitely okay to do it with them. This turned our family upside down. I was 15 or 16 at the time. I'd still never said anything. Once it was in the increasingly distant past, I just figured it was past being useful to mention. And as I'd come to realize what had happened was wrong, I'd also come to realize how awful it made my parents feel that it had happened ONCE. I wasn't going to shatter them with my hundreds. And then they had this dropped on them. We had PI's, detectives, ombudsmen, police officers, etc all over the schedule, coming to our house pretty regularly, meetings elsewhere, wiretaps over police-guided phone calls from my brother to his past abusers, photo evidence coming out of both my brother's personal belongings and storage media in his possession, and hard drives/tapes/photos seized in the eventual bust. It was crazy. This shit enveloped our lives for almost a year until they were sentenced, and I ended up becoming my brother's ride to everything- school, appointments, counseling, you name it. My life during my late teens was helping drive my siblings wherever they needed to be while my parents split their time between working with the police and prosecuting attorneys, and both having full-time jobs to carry the new financial load of needing all this therapy, medical care (brother had been neglected badly and needed a lot of help to try and get healthy), extra gas to run everyone around all over the map, more trips to our hometown during the investigation and hearing, etc. So I absolutely wasn't going to mention my things now. this overshadowed it by hundreds of times over. There were other victims, some as young as 3, but my brother had gotten the worst of it and for by far the longest. It was one of the worst cases in our state's history. The investigators who went over the evidence came out crying, puking, some needed counseling, one retired because he "couldn't handle ever seeing anything like that again," one went on leave for a year to seek psychiatric and psychological help... And there's not much of it I didn't get exposed to. I've seen things that NOBODY ever should, even by the standards of people who do it for a living. But they finally got sentenced to "life in prison," which as it turns out may actually mean "until 2023," but that's another story. And so we did our best to just move on with our lives. Things have felt off for all of us ever since then, and we've all been a little weary since learning those two had some mob connections, but mostly, life moves on. My brother has since moved out into a group home and (eventually) his own apartment with friends, who are a terrible influence. They teach him how to game the system so he doesn't have to get a job (which was the whole point of his state assistance program). He gets into more and more trouble until he's sporadically popping up on the news with his friends as an example of our downtown's loitering problem, his friends are getting arrested for this and that because all they do is walk around and smoke and drink and apparently get into petty trouble. We've cut our contact way back with him, because we're all tired of working so hard to try and help him get on his own two feet to basically to have him consistently respond with a nonverbal "fuck you, I don't need to do anything to get what I want" so eventually my parents say fine, you do your thing, we'll do ours, but we're not gonna keep making all this effort to help you live a decent life if that's not what you want. Call us when you want to learn what it's like to have a real life, with real friends, a real job that pays more than your few hundred a month from the state... Door's open but don't bring what you're doing now through it. You're supporting your chosen lifestyle just fine, you don't need our help and we don't want to support it. He basically decides after that talk he likes what he's doing, cuts most contact (though we still love each other and chat from time to time), and things fade even further into distant memory. Until earlier this year, when I got a call that he'd died of a heart attack at 31. This one line of trauma isn't the only one, or what I consider to be the worst one; I've been through a FUCKTON of life in my 28 years. But since I got that call... My life has stopped. I went from being a motivated, go get'em, ride a bull or a motorcycle or whatever just because I can, using the city as a trials stunt course on my mountain bike because not many people can, go for a 5 mile run just because I feel like it, take stupid risks that others won't because I think I can do it, kind of person, to being almost completely sedentary. Something I can't put my finger on makes sobriety unbearable. I mean full-on, screaming in the back of my head, heart pounding when nothing's happening, phone anxiety (which I always thought was stupid), entire body jittering, feels like I should go do somersaults down the street and see if I get hit or fall off a cliff, fucking unbearable. Not withdrawals. Well, not completely at least. Maybe I never knew how badly I was traumatized by all of that, since I never really had to feel hurt by any of my abusers as they didn't know better. Maybe my brother being dead, when I had started to feel really motivated to try some new ideas at helping him, made me feel like I can never make our relationship quite right. Maybe the fact that nobody ever knew I was abused until a couple years ago when I'd been my own caretaker for 10 years already, prevented me from getting the help that would have let me see how it's all really always affected me deep down. All I know is, I'm not nearly as dissociative as I had been when thinking about anything, and I don't like what it's doing to me. It feels like I'm ready to die. And in several ways, I already have. I don't have any friends left, really, (though some of that has to do with the aforementioned heartbreak) I don't have interests or hobbies, I don't even want to try and find someone, I can't hold down a conversation, and I don't have any plan for what I'm doing when my current lease ends in 18 days (super unlike me). I don't care to either. I can't see a reason to do anything anymore. I have a dog, she's the true love of my life, but aside from keeping her happy I do nothing for me. The only reason I ever smile is so my roommates won't ask what's wrong, and I'm goddamn scary-convincing at it. I feel like I'm off the edge, not crazy but motivationally dead, and even though I won't ever "do myself," I honestly don't care if someone just kills me. I never have, not enough to let it get in the way of anything, but I'm catching myself now thinking "I kinda hope I die in the next month so I don't have to keep doing shit." I know a big part of that is anxiety and depression, but I've had those my entire life and they've never controlled me. This feels like I'm in one long episode of something else, which may be the reason I'm only diagnosed in the last month, and it's so uncomfortable physically and emotionally that I just don't have the will to do it anymore. Yes, I know i need to, but I can't seem to convince the part of my brain that does things that that's even true. If you read this whole thing, thanks, and sorry it was mostly a rant I never really went anywhere interesting with. If you want to hear some other crazy shit, or you're curious about the abuse case mentioned up there, I'm always open to sharing more detail in a PM, but I already pushed it with the amount I've written here. I should have used a throwaway, but, as with all things lately... Fuck it.

2019-09-03T00:47:44.000Z

cyxpwz

ptsd

(TW, multiple kinds) "Do you ever have nightmares?" "Yeah... Do you ever not have them?"

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cyxpwz/tw_multiple_kinds_do_you_ever_have_nightmares/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-03T00:20:15.000Z

cyxex5

ptsd

Feeling Guilty for Fighting Back/Going on a Date

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cyxex5/feeling_guilty_for_fighting_backgoing_on_a_date/

KatIsACat02

If you didn’t see my last thread it was just basically this •I was almost killed by my father 2 years ago when I was 14 almost 15 because he had a violent psychotic break •I got a severe traumatic brain injury that’s still healing because neurological pathways are still regrowing so I never had much time to process what happened afterwards •My father is my families only source of income and has financially abused my family (we’re in poverty but we have food stamps so it isn’t terrible) •I realize that accepting him back into my life could help my recovery and help my family financially Now Here’s the problem, he’s been coming over to my house on his best behavior but I’m very sick and I’m on high alert plus hyper sensitivity because I’m paranoid that he’d take advantage of my weak state and do something. I mean I know that wouldn’t happen because he’s trying to make a good impression and take care of me but still. Is there any way I can stop these thoughts? Because logic isn’t working Thanks for reading sorry if this was a mess

2019-09-03T00:10:29.000Z

cyxayt

ptsd

So far this is what I’ve been able to do so ( Exposure therapy OP)

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cyxayt/so_far_this_is_what_ive_been_able_to_do_so/

throwaway0706199

So sometimes I see people posts things with the gist of: “if you’re depressed eat healthier, have a healthy sleep cycle, surround yourself with positivity”. You probably know the type of posts I’m taking about. I can’t help but get really pissed at that. I feel like an asshole because yeah maybe eating healthier would improve my mental health but who are you to tell someone what will help when you probably have never experienced what I have? Maybe it’s because saying that completely overlooks the amount of energy it takes to do those things, even though they’re simple? Am I the asshole for getting mad when people say stuff like that?

2019-09-02T22:40:17.000Z

cyw92u

ptsd

I can’t help getting mad when people do this.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cyw92u/i_cant_help_getting_mad_when_people_do_this/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-02T22:35:02.000Z

cyw6s3

ptsd

Perpetual Fight/Flight

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cyw6s3/perpetual_fightflight/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-02T20:01:58.000Z

cyu68l

ptsd

Aunt has PTSD from finding her fiance dead. How can I help her?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cyu68l/aunt_has_ptsd_from_finding_her_fiance_dead_how/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-02T19:24:25.000Z

cytnss

ptsd

How can I deal with the ptsd that was caused by my brother commiting suicide

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cytnss/how_can_i_deal_with_the_ptsd_that_was_caused_by/

TossRecall

I’m 18, and my diagnosis was given at age 7. My father (the cause) has been physically out of my life since I was 6, and entirely out of my life since I was 13. Between 6 and 13 the only contact we had was phone calls on my birthday, which always ended with me performing poorly in school and dealing with night terrors for about a month, as well as vomiting at dinner the same night. Speaking to people I’m unfamiliar with on the phone is a trigger that I need to handle, seeing as I’m an adult now and I have to do that sort of thing for work and appointments and stuff. I always get tremors and an increased heart rate whenever I do it, such as earlier today when I called my doctor to ask a question and when I called my local grocery store to check on the progress of my application. I think exposure would be the best way to tackle this, and I’m fully willing to try that. Problem is, I feel like I can’t just call random people and strike up a conversation or anything. What do you guys recommend I do? TL;DR: talking on the phone triggers my PTSD. I feel like exposure (just doing it often) might be the best way to handle that. How should I go about it?

2019-09-02T18:10:32.000Z

cysnpc

ptsd

Questions about using exposure to cope/recover.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cysnpc/questions_about_using_exposure_to_coperecover/

Lotus_Cake86

This month marks the seven year anniversary since "The Incident". Somehow I've managed to maintain a full-time career, but I've lost my friends group as isolating seems to be the best fit for my triggers. At the suggestion of my therapist I started EMDR therapy earlier this year. I will say I was skeptical at first, but this therapy has done more for me in a short amount of time than traditional CBT has in over 15 years. While it is an arduous, intense process I have noticed a shift in my thoughts and especially my mood. I struggle with leaving the house for simple things like going to the grocery or to go get my medication. After starting EMDR therapy I am now able to leave the house for groceries during the day. I can even wear earbuds while shopping without being triggered into the horrifying freeze stance when I feel unsafe. I know I have a long ways to go, but I strongly encourage those of you suffering with PTSD to look into EMDR. I have hope for the first time in a long time. Stay well, internet.

2019-09-02T12:38:04.000Z

cyofuq

ptsd

EMDR

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cyofuq/emdr/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-02T12:28:04.000Z

cyoc8q

ptsd

EMDR

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cyoc8q/emdr/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-02T12:22:15.000Z

cyoa37

ptsd

Who else gets this really cold, dead feeling spreading in their body when their ptsd kicks in?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cyoa37/who_else_gets_this_really_cold_dead_feeling/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-02T10:22:07.000Z

cyn7uv

ptsd

Flashback reactions

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cyn7uv/flashback_reactions/

havinganotgreattime

Hi, so I thought I’d make this post just to tell people what exactly I had to do in my therapy, and the positive and negative things that have come up after having done 6 weeks of reliving sessions to try and remember my assault, but also to try and move on from it. Just to note my experience was that I was a victim of a crime so this might not be the same for everyone. So basically my therapist asked me if I was comfortable sitting across from him so he could ask me questions as I went through what happened in my trauma. He then typed this up, and made a document that was about a page long. Every week since then I’ve been reading it, and then adding any info that was out of place and forgotten from my trauma. Right now that script is complete, there are some bits that my therapist knows I’ll never actually recall, as the assault went on for quite a while in total but I remember a whole lot more than I did. In the last 2 sessions, we’ve moved on to reading over my ‘script’ of the assault, and my therapist will ask about how I now feel looking back on certain parts that he notices upset me the most. This has helped a lot because I’ve started to realise that although the way I acted during and after wasn’t normal, it was out of fear and confusion and that I shouldn’t blame myself for what happened to me. I trusted someone close to me and they hurt me. I’m starting to realise that isn’t my fault. With that realisation that I played no part in letting something happen to me, and that this was probably actually pre planned by quite a while, though, has brought up new feelings of anger and upset. My therapist says these are common, and that it’s ok to be angry that someone did something awful to me. I just have to face head on that someone targeted and attacked me, and that although I can’t guarantee it won’t happen again, I can live my life knowing that regular people don’t just do things like what he did. As a positive, though, my panic attacks and flashbacks have gone down significantly, and I even managed to sleep every night for a week whilst my dad was away! Loud noises still make me jump, but I’m trying to keep on and sleep at the same time every day and I’m doing ok. I’m doing really well at my new job, I’m eating 3 meals a day even if sometimes I’m not hungry the whole day and am trying to get on with life. Overall, although reliving therapy isn’t fun and has brought up a lot of sadness and anger within me, I feel like I’m getting a lot better and I hope this helps anyone thinking of seeking therapy, and if anyone has more questions pls dm me or comment on this!! I’d be happy to answer :)

2019-09-02T08:25:06.000Z

cymap4

ptsd

6 reliving sessions- how I’ve changed

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cymap4/6_reliving_sessions_how_ive_changed/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-02T03:58:25.000Z

cyjzwo

ptsd

My wife deserves a better life without me

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cyjzwo/my_wife_deserves_a_better_life_without_me/

suenologia

i dont think this has anything to do with my trauma directly per-se but being in light to moderately-sized crowds brings up instant anxiety and makes me feel very unsafe. i went to a rave the other day hoping to have fun and it wasnt until i was moderately intoxicated and the crowd was full that i felt okay but the first hour or so when only a handful of people were there was really hard for some reason and i just felt really constricted. this happened to me one other time at an art show where my friend was performing; it was in like a backyard of a house that got converted into a venue and idk if it was the crowd or the lights but i couldnt relax for hours; a friend of mine also had a panic attack so it might have just had something to do with the setting but it was really hard to unwind.

2019-09-02T03:40:08.000Z

cyjto8

ptsd

does anyone else find crowds triggering?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cyjto8/does_anyone_else_find_crowds_triggering/

honeysweetie

Hi! Im not really here for me, so i hope you dont mind. Im here because i'm really worried about my girlfriend. Weve been together for a year, and shes been diagnosed with ptsd for about a year and half. She went through something really bad obviously involving a super messed up friend. We're both still in highschool, and she doesnt see her psychologist as much as she should because her parents dont have the money. So thats some background i guess. Im here right now because things have been weird lately. In the past, ive been able to help her through things (we went through very similar things but my brain decided to prematurely develop bipolar disorder) but recently nothing seems to help. She says she feels broken, like she can only feel the bad and cant feel any of the good emotions. Im worried and freaked out, and i want to help her. I care about her so much and want to do anything i can to make her happy. Last week she broke up with me, then drove to my house with flowers. She didnt know if she still loved me until she felt the negative emotions of leaving me. She hasnt been her normal self for a few weeks. Shes very down and stressed. Shes taking super advanced classes and working two jobs, as well as being in band and choir. Shes been distant and quiet and sad. Like shes a shell. Have any of you felt this? Im worried obviously, is there anything i can do?

2019-09-02T03:27:59.000Z

cyjpcv

ptsd

My girlfriend

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cyjpcv/my_girlfriend/

dddulcie

CPTSD from childhood trauma. Feel free to skip all of this and just answer the questions in the title, please. But for some backstory: 27. Emotional and psychological abuse when I was young, addict mother etc. When I was young, it was just diagnosed as anxiety. In my early 20’s I became increasingly depressed and also diagnosed with ADHD. It wasn’t until this year that it got really bad, and I couldn’t even figure out why I was depressed, or what I was anxious about. I’ve had three inpatient stays in six months. Feeling stable now, but incredibly detached/dissociated. Now, I began to occasionally flash back, think of the memories of what happened, cry and feel things, avoid my parents’ calls and completely avoid their house and even their city. Just wondering if this experience is typical - the timeline of being at peace with my past but hit hard with it at 27 years old I’m still thinking things like “it wasn’t that bad, am I even upset about it? Am I making something out of nothing?” Why didn’t it bother me until now? Another question: What was your treatment like once you were diagnosed? I’m in therapy (CBT and trauma-informed) once a week and I just don’t feel like it’s enough, like I’m losing control. So far the only advice I’ve been given is to let the flashbacks happen.

2019-09-02T02:45:16.000Z

cyj9jp

ptsd

At what age did you begin to experience symptoms? At what age were you diagnosed, and what has your treatment consisted of?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cyj9jp/at_what_age_did_you_begin_to_experience_symptoms/

sparklewormlogic

2019-09-02T02:42:12.000Z

cyj8ft

ptsd

Were any of you misdiagnosed before your PTSD diagnosis? If so, with what?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cyj8ft/were_any_of_you_misdiagnosed_before_your_ptsd/

Siberiayuki

I can’t study or do anything! I kept on having flashbacks or just... a feeling of hatred... I can’t even watch tv properly!! The only time when annoying memories don’t pop up is when I game or just, do activities that take me to another world (so gaming is the best) but I want to be back to normal! I tried to make myself busy but u know, they kept on popping up!!! Help!! Should I seek help from a pro? Is it the right time yet?

2019-09-01T23:05:59.000Z

cygyks

ptsd

Why can’t terrible flashbacks just leave me alone?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cygyks/why_cant_terrible_flashbacks_just_leave_me_alone/

The_Xivili

I'm going to try to keep this short. I visited one of the main sources of my trauma yesterday for the first time in a decade, and despite me dreading the thought of it coming for months, it was actually a pleasant experience. I know that I'm probably not the only one affected in my scenario like I was, as it was a very chaotic time and environment, but it is good to see that ten years can pass and old wounds can heal almost in the blink of an eye just by facing them. Time really does heal all wounds, and sometimes getting through it is the hardest part. Now is what matters though, but you already know that.

2019-09-01T18:46:58.000Z

cydtp4

ptsd

Something positive for once.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cydtp4/something_positive_for_once/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-01T18:22:08.000Z

cydi8d

ptsd

Would I be in the wrong if I asked my boyfriend's family to not talk about triggering topics?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cydi8d/would_i_be_in_the_wrong_if_i_asked_my_boyfriends/

SymbolicDysfunction

Title, essentially, but a bit more of an explanation below. &#x200B; I really struggle with black and white thinking when it comes to people. Either someone **hates** me, or they **love** me. I really struggle to see the shades of grey there, such as a friend being tired and snappy with me does not mean they suddenly hate me, but that is exactly how my brain keeps interpreting it. It's exhausting. My boyfriend, who loves me to pieces, is hungover today. He is tired, and probably burnt out as I had major flashbacks last night as I too was very drunk (lesson learnt, cutting out alcohol). As you can imagine, he was a bit short with me, and a bit out of it, like anyone would be after experiencing all that. So, the man needs space, *which should be fine, acceptable, and reasonable.* What does my brain think? "He's going to DUMP YOU, he doesn't love you anymore! You pushed him too hard!" etc, etc... The truth? He. Needs. Space. He's tired! AHHHH. And it's not only with him I'm like this, this is pretty much every single interaction I've had with every single person both on and offline. I'm constantly doubting, I'm worried they'll snap, that I'm one bad interaction away from something bad happening. I can only understand that people like me when I'm with them physically, and boy ain't the trusted ones my BEST FRIENDS FOR LIFE ^((pls keep me safe))... &#x200B; I can see where my black and white thinking is coming from, it's just exhausting that it's there, and I want to stop it. Any advice?

2019-09-01T16:09:23.000Z

cybtdx

ptsd

Does anyone else struggle with black and white thinking? And if so, how have you worked through it?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cybtdx/does_anyone_else_struggle_with_black_and_white/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-01T15:57:22.000Z

cybnsh

ptsd

Not sure what to call this feeling..

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cybnsh/not_sure_what_to_call_this_feeling/

Sad_Tangerine

Ive been supposed to go to the dr to get a diagnosis for months now but every time i think about it i get so panicked. In my mind i just hear no no no and i dont want to think about it. I cant talk about it at all unless im drunk or high and that is usually not a good time. I want to go and get a diagnosis but i dont think i can. Did anyone here have that? How do you get through it?

2019-09-01T15:40:56.000Z

cybgif

ptsd

Diagnosis Anxiety

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cybgif/diagnosis_anxiety/

4DankInhale20

Some hours ago I had a talk with a therapist, who opened my eyes quite a bit. Usually I would think quite good about myself in spite of my mental health problems. I thought if I just didn't have depression and PTSD I would start into my life like all the other 22 year olds I know. Or in other words I wouldn't take my lack of occupational and social progress personally, but instead think about it as a side effect from the illnesses. The therapist made me realize now that the actual problem is my unwillingness to grow up. I feel like I'm still ten years old and not ready to be responsible for all these duties. Now I need to ignore these feelings and act like a grown up anyways. I'd be glad to hear some opinions on this. Thanks all!

2019-09-01T15:32:46.000Z

cybcwq

ptsd

I just realized I had too much self-confidence in the past

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cybcwq/i_just_realized_i_had_too_much_selfconfidence_in/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-01T14:31:33.000Z

cyamhl

ptsd

PTSD from recurrent kidney stones?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cyamhl/ptsd_from_recurrent_kidney_stones/

kmusk

Just after I wake up, and just before I go to sleep, I spend an hour each spiraling into flashbacks. During this period, I have random panic spikes where my heart rate rapidly increases, some part of my body jerks, and I freak the heck out. There was a similar post about this recently, so I feel like some non-trivial number of people experience this, but what I think would be most useful is if I could have advice on how to actually prevent this cycle of flashbacks ahead of time and break it during? Thanks :(

2019-09-01T07:13:26.000Z

cy6zkd

ptsd

How do I get rid of flashbacks (shaking, random body jerks, dissociation, panic) in the mornings and at night?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cy6zkd/how_do_i_get_rid_of_flashbacks_shaking_random/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-01T04:54:17.000Z

cy5vlw

ptsd

can you get ptsd from a manic episode?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cy5vlw/can_you_get_ptsd_from_a_manic_episode/

Veteran_Artist

&#x200B; Let me give you a little background first. I am female. I served in the US Navy 2001-2009. I actually joined the day before 9/11.... (Palm to forehead!) As military police, I have been deployed on ships, as private security for American VIPs in the Middle East, Africa, Cuba and Europe and stateside. I was a K-9 handler as well for part of that time. It was hell, but I would probably sign up and do it again if I got a do-over in life. I love my country, hate the politics! I would have loved to have made a career of the Navy. I loved being in the military, working with dogs and loved traveling... but I got injured and the Navy no longer had a use for me. I am now 100% disabled and service connected through the VA for my spine and PTSD among other things. Please, forgive me for the length of this rant, but if you can help me possibly shed some light on my current issue, please continue. ***TRIGGER WARNING<--- from here on..*** ***This post is about to get deeply personal and might be difficult to read.*** # Causes of my PTSD- A life of trauma: 1. Childhood sexual assault x2, age 2, male babysitter and age 5, friends older brother. 2. 2. Drugged/raped, multiple attackers, age 17. 3. Combat, Middle East, age 21 4. Military Sexual Assault x2, 2002: fellow sailor on base Mayport, FL & 2004: Italian civilian, La Maddelena, Sardinia, Italy 5. Major vehicle accident, 2010, Naples, FL (other driver was speeding & texting!) Not my fault. 6. Wrongfully accused of sexual harassment, 2011 after getting my dream job with the US Forest Service. 7. Major vehicle accident 2012 (black tail lights should be outlawed! I loved that truck.) My fault... the bastard! 8. Death of father after being his care-taker for 3 years. January 2016 9. Major Vehicle Accident. Traffic just stopped. My skid marks were 26 feet long! I hit a car that hit the car in front of them. Bye-bye reasonable insurance rate! Technically my fault. February 2016 10. Death of father-in-law. March 2016.. It was a tough year! I've had serious issues with agoraphobia and driving during rush hour since my dad passed. Fortunately, I was able to find some therapies that helped, but I'll get back to that in a sec. I still struggle with this one. # The Schtick: I wasn't aware I even had PTSD when I got out... it took about a year to crop up. It was actually fellow veterans that pointed out to me why I was so bitchy! I am usually a happy and adventurous soul! My name is Joy for cryin' out loud! After I got out, I had trouble #1 thinking of myself as civilian and #2 connecting with other civilians #3 finding a job (I am disabled but don't look disabled because I am mostly ambulatory). It took a fellow veteran to point out that I was not a civilian and never would be.. I was/am a veteran. Shit hit the fan. My PTSD symptoms were out of control by 2012. I had to take a year off school. I wasn't sleeping. I was becoming more and more anti-social, I had zero control over flashbacks during the day, night terrors were the worst, but I think the self-loathing was the most damaging, I had serious avoidance behaviors, memory issues, anxiety and depression. I was hospitalized twice for suicidal ideation. With some serious work on myself I was able to get back to a relatively normal life, finish school, get married and carry on but it seems like the hits just kept coming. At this point (10 years since I left the military) I would actually have to say that the VA- at least, the one where I live in Phoenix, is my #1 trigger. I can't even say it's any one thing I had a problem with when talking about the VA; there a so many things... Its the attitudes of the staff. I would like to be treated like a person, thank you! It's knowing you have some possibly serious medical issue and being dicked around for months. Its the fact that it took them 3 years to take out my diseased gall bladder and now have a huge scar on my abdomen because it was so full of stones they had to make the incision bigger than they expected. Its waiting months and months for treatment because tri-care is waiting on the VA to give approval while feeling absolutely miserable. My dad was also a veteran. (google Phoenix VA 2012/13/14, he was one of the vets that fell through the cracks.) He lived by himself and came down with Legionnaires Disease in 2014 and went into a coma because they didn't catch it. He was never the same after that. He was evicted after he got out of the hospital. He could no longer work or care for himself, so he came to live with my husband and I. He eventually died of liver failure 2 years later. These days, my trust in the VA is gone. I have lived in other states where the VA Health Care System is just fine, but I'm getting off track. I have run the gambit of treatments for my PTSD. I have tried so many therapies & meds... the best one so far: marijuana. Seriously. I takes me out of that horrible thought-loop one gets stuck when triggered or usually (at least for me) for no reason at all! All the counselors I have seen never really go anywhere with the sessions... at first it just feels nice to talk to someone, but then, after a few weeks, unstructured talk therapy seems pointless. I check in with my psychiatrist 1-2x a year, but all he ever wants to do is prescribe something. I've had my fill of the drugs. I didn't like them. I didn't feel like myself for years. I felt like I was losing myself/forgetting myself. I was in such a haze all the time. I actually think they messed me up even more. I got off all my psych meds in autumn of 2015 because a few month prior I tried to slit my wrist- didn't even know I was doing it. That's the beauty of a drug induced dissociative episode. My service dog stopped me and brought me back to myself. When I stopped taking my meds, I didn't tell my husband for 2 weeks. I was afraid of his reaction because we both know I'm cray-cray! But you what? I really did start to feel better because I started to feel like myself again. He noticed I was happier. That's when I told him I was no longer taking my psych meds. # The things that have helped: 1. Painting. Give me a good music playlist or audio book and a paint brush and I'm a happy camper. 2. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy/Exposure Therapy: One on one weekly sessions with a female psychologist which lasted 16 weeks. Surprisingly, I did this therapy at the Phoenix VA. They no longer offer this program. Figures. After I finished this course of therapy, I graduated from college, met a wonderful man and got married. 3. Journaling/Art Journaling: I've found that writing things down helps me process my thoughts more thoroughly. As a visual artist, a visual journal or art journal seems to work even better! 4. Medical Marijuana: its like a mini vacation from PTSD land! It also helps with pain and insomnia. I finally got my license in 2018. Not cheap but worth every penny. 5. My amazing service dog, Sierra. I got her in 2012 after all the shit that went down with the Forest Service. I had trained and certified her as a PTSD Dog by August 2014. Then in November 2014 she got breast cancer. She needed a mastectomy. Don't worry though. A friend of a friend paid for her surgery and she made a full recovery. 6. My amazing husband, my best friends, my brother and other close relationships. I feel pretty lucky to have some truly amazing people in my life. i.e. a support system... this took some serious work on my part. It's difficult to maintain relationships with others when you don't like yourself or most people in general. 7. Mindfulness, meditation and breathing. 8. Saying out loud that my fears are irrational. For instance, I have taken many driving courses and have years of driving experience in many different countries but since my last accident... I don't trust myself and I drive like a grandma! Hands at 10 & 2, I am ever vigilant and I don't speed at all anymore.. heh. 9. Humor/sarcasm because I would probably explode if I couldn't crack a joke. 10. Travel. Mostly- not including airports/airplanes or bus stations. I actually love to drive, just not in big city traffic. And any excuse to leave Phoenix for the summer and see new things! Mountains or beach, I don't care! >"Not all those who wander are lost." -Tolkien # Things that have not helped: 1. Alcohol. Too much at once or too much on a regular basis is no bueno for someone like me. 2. Taking on too many things at once or too much responsibility. I joined my local American Legion post in 2011. By 2015 I was vice commander. I was at the legion post all the time, often drinking. There was a lot of peer pressure. Other members wanted me to be the commander but I got so burnt out, I had to resign. It was too political. That was not why I was there. I was a member to help other vets in my community and make lasting friendships. 3. VA bureaucracy. (staffing and wait time for appointments.) It is literally killing veterans. 4. Trying to control everything. 5. Living in Arizona during the summer months. I hate being here, but we have a house, hubby's job and he's going to school. Both our families live far away. I also hate the summers. I become a shut-in every summer because the heat is so oppressive. With my medical issues, the heat is just too much for me. 6. High pain levels and on-going medical issues. Honestly, I have so many things wrong with me, it just gets to be too much so times. 7. Putting off seeking treatment. These days, sometimes I just feel like its not even worth the stress of attempting to seek treatment. 8. My service dog had to retire suddenly. This past January she started showing signs of dementia. She stopped responding to my panic attacks. I knew that I would have get a new dog soon, but this was much sooner than I had anticipated. I was just starting to look into getting a new dog. So currently, I am without my sidekick. Since then, I have noticed that my temper is worse than normal. 9. Crowded places/tight spaces- 10. Loud noises/loud places- I think these last two are actually, technically triggers for me, so I avoid them. # Here and now... These days, I am pretty fed up with the VA but still have to rely on them for all my health care needs. I live 30+ minutes away from the VA with no traffic, so the act of physically driving there, without my service dog, in traffic (think of I-405 in LA, that's what traffic is like in Phoenix) and its 109 degrees outside. It's no wonder why I have trouble leaving my house. It's irrational... but not... right?! Since I don't work a regular job anymore, I was keeping myself busy with art commissions (I do mostly pet portraits, landscapes/seascapes, cars and military/patriotic paintings- check out joy.veteran.artist on Instagram if interested), but I just got a new chocolate lab puppy in July to train as my new service dog. I've been sleeping less than normal since puppy came home, so I know that's definitely a factor. Puppy wakes up between 6-7am everyday for the past 8 weeks and pretty much required constant supervision up until about last week. We are currently working on pushing her first potty break and meal back to 8am but she is only 13 weeks old. When she cries in the morning it sounds like she is being flayed alive. It's tough not to give in and give her what she wants, if only to give my ears and sanity a reprieve. I also had multiple new health problems come up since May. It turns out I have a sinus infection, an abscessed tonsil, a large nodule on my thyroid and a new issue with my spine in my neck. (Narrowing and bone fragments/spurs because C4 is herniated.) Talk about a pain in the neck! And of course it took the VA 3 months to even schedule my appointments with the appropriate specialty clinics. I'll get to see the ENT doc in about 3 weeks from now around the end of September. Until then I guess I'll just have to deal with my narrow airway and constant coughing. Fortunately, My house is right across the street from the fire station which has EMTs on duty. # Looking for perspective When I lose my temper these days I want to smash things. When I do smash things while angry it feels good... satisfying. After that comes the remorse, because that's not me. I am embarrassed to act out this way in front of people. I used to only throw or smash things when I was alone. But recently I've been acting out in front of my husband and friends. (Lately I throw my phone after talking to someone at the VA- I have only replaced the screen glass once but that was enough.) What the hell is wrong with me?! My phone is not something I can afford to replace right now. Maybe it's time to start reading the self-help section on anger management? # Can I PLEASE catch a break?! I've run out of steam. But if you're still with me, I commend you. This was my first Reddit post. Can you tell? I guess what I am looking for in a reply is a fresh perspective. I am truly attempting to carry on, mindfully, but dealing with the VA has been very frustrating these last few months. Combine my health issues with the loss of my service dog, figuring out a new routine (now that I am no longer at the American Legion all the time), feeling like a shut-in the last 3 months and a new puppy, my mental health has taken a hit. I am too distracted and in pain to paint. Painting was my daily meditation and outlet. Oh dear... it's difficult not to feel a little blue. Oh.. there was one other thing- my Jeep won't start and we can't figure out the source so I have no vehicle- I guess that solves my driving problem though, right- what do you think? Any comments or feedback is appreciated, but please be respectful. Thanks.

2019-09-01T02:20:43.000Z

cy4fuu

ptsd

My experiences with the VA, PTSD, chronic pain ...and now anger issues? TRIGGER warning!

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cy4fuu/my_experiences_with_the_va_ptsd_chronic_pain_and/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-01T01:58:22.000Z

cy47ui

ptsd

Life is a bitch

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cy47ui/life_is_a_bitch/

Dandeliondust814

So a bit of background info for context here, I’ve been seeing someone for about a month now who has PTSD from a sexually abusive relationship 10 years ago. I’ve been doing my best to learn their triggers, preemptively avoid them and shield them, and respond accordingly when that doesn’t go as planned. But, I’m new to this and I’ve made several mistakes. I’ve misspoken and triggered them multiple times now and made things worse by not responding correctly after triggering them. It’s been a rough roller coaster so far. But I really care about this person and I’m trying my best to do things right. We’ve grown really close in a very short amount of time due to the level of trust that they require for any kind of relationship to go anywhere. I am 100% willing to go as slow and be as patient as necessary in order to give this a real chance. Unfortunately, an incident occurred and I’m unsure of how to repair it or if it’s even possible to repair, so I’m hoping someone here has maybe encountered something similar or has at least heard of someone who has. A few days ago, they found something on one of my social media accounts that reminded them of the man (I use that word generously here, because he’s hardly that at all) who traumatized them. The response was more intense than anything I’ve witnessed so far. The hatred and terror and intensity that they were exhibiting was unprecedented. After hours and hours of failing over and over again to deescalate the situation, I finally got them to calm down a bit and fall asleep, but the response since then hasn’t been like the other times they’ve been triggered. They told me that this has happened before with people who have set off an exceptionally intense trigger, and that there has never been any going back from it. It’s almost like I am now a trigger, because of how intensely I triggered them. They said it’s something they can’t control, that their body just has an uncontrollable reaction to being around me now. Despite cognitively being able to acknowledge that I didn’t do anything wrong; me and her abuser happened to have similar tastes in music 10 years ago, she can’t control the way her body physically reacts to my presence. So that means the end of our relationship, because they think it’s something they’ll never be able to overcome. If that is the case, I’m willing to accept it. I’ll be their friend and be there for them in whatever way I can, because I’ll never be able to stop caring for this person, but I’m also not quite ready to give up entirely. So if anyone has ever encountered anything like this, is there a term for it, so I can do more research? Is there any kind of therapy that can help, some sort of cbt approach that may help them to disassociate me with this traumatic experience? Is there any hope at all, or is it truly over for good? I appreciate any and all responses, advice, or recommendations. Thanks for reading.

2019-08-31T23:14:34.000Z

cy2hcq

ptsd

Question regarding a response that I’m assuming is related to ptsd, but can find no evidence of on the internet or anywhere else.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cy2hcq/question_regarding_a_response_that_im_assuming_is/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-31T22:34:44.000Z

cy20h9

ptsd

Anything can be a traumatic experience

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cy20h9/anything_can_be_a_traumatic_experience/

floridaxkilos

Hey guys lately I’ve been having like all my muscles become really tense when I’m anxious (most of the time). It usually starts in my neck and then makes it all the way down to my lower calf.? Has anyone had this before?

2019-08-31T21:24:34.000Z

cy151b

ptsd

Does anybody get really tense?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cy151b/does_anybody_get_really_tense/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-31T20:04:35.000Z

cy04s3

ptsd

Well my psychiatrist triggered me yesterday which made me cry 3 times. I had a nightmare last night. I told my psychologist about yesterday today and cried bc yesterday was traumatic I guess. HOWEVER, how I feel rn is the best I’ve felt in a month.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cy04s3/well_my_psychiatrist_triggered_me_yesterday_which/

moritzferr

Ive been Suffering from Complex PTSD since 18 months and several Symptoms haven’t gone. Besides i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

2019-08-31T19:28:29.000Z

cxzo8a

ptsd

Will PTSD qualify for disability?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cxzo8a/will_ptsd_qualify_for_disability/

JupiterRabbit

So. To preface this, I am on Wellbutrin and Prozac and I take melatonin at night to help sleep. I do have nightmares, but prazosin was making me incredibly dizzy on the lowest dose. So the melatonin helps me at least get sleep even if there are nightmares, which I am calling a win because at least I’m not waking up 100x a night. I am also in regular therapy and have been for the last 3 years. I have ptsd from experiencing childhood emotional abuse from my biological mother. Last night I broke down and sobbed. Not quite panic attack, but definitely uncontrollable crying. My wonderful wonderful husband held me and talked with me and helped me do grounding exercises for two hours. This has been happened a lot more recently than it used to. It seems to be almost monthly where it used to be maybe twice a year, but manageable and I could handle it myself. I’m concerned that these breakdowns are not only not good for me but more importantly my husband. He doesn’t have PTSD, but has experienced trauma in his life. I’m worried that I’m causing 2nd hand trauma on him or affecting his mental health. This morning he stayed in bed until I woke up because he was concerned with what I was saying during my breakdown, so he could check on me and was worried if he was some sort of trigger. During the breakdown I was crying that “I’m not worthy of love” “I don’t deserve to live” etc. I in no way want to kill myself or anything like that. I just feel so worthless a lot of the time. I just don’t know what to do and I want him to be happy and I don’t want to be a burden to him. Is this normal? Is there anything I can do? Does anyone relate?

2019-08-31T18:58:32.000Z

cxza1n

ptsd

Having more breakdowns lately

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cxza1n/having_more_breakdowns_lately/

pav2593

I am concerned that because I have PTSD and have been hospitalized in the past that I will not be allowed future gun ownership. Is this a reasonable fear or not?

2019-08-31T17:29:17.000Z

cxy3b9

ptsd

PTSD and Gun ownership

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cxy3b9/ptsd_and_gun_ownership/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-31T17:11:21.000Z

cxxv64

ptsd

so....im unsure

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cxxv64/soim_unsure/

PandaFaceGirl

Hi there, first time poster! I just recently started seeking out therapy, because I've finally decided I'm done being a dark, brooding, hateful type and I want to get better. However, it looks like my insurance only covers LCSW? Or that's all I've been able to find in this area. I've never had a psychologist or psychiatrist, so I'm not sure what the difference is. The LCSW I go to has a religious theme I'm not sure I'm a fan of, but I'm wondering if it would be any better with someone else or should I stick it out. They also focus on ALL of me, instead of just the PTSD. I get that after it being in my life for a while that it's a part of me, but sessions are all over the place. What I'm saying is will the experience be the same with other types of therapy? I appreciate any help in the matter!

2019-08-31T12:18:42.000Z

cxvdbz

ptsd

LCSW or Psychologist?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cxvdbz/lcsw_or_psychologist/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-31T12:13:27.000Z

cxvbm1

ptsd

suffocation

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cxvbm1/suffocation/

Bitter-root

I saw a meme where someone put their trauma experiences into a PowerPoint presentation for their psychologist. I thought it was funny but also a really good idea. I always freeze up what I'm trying to talk about something and I leave a lot of information out. If I write it the person gets the whole story. So I wrote in detail how I got to the point where I was raped and how it affected me. It made me feel really sick and depressed but I've never had such a detailed account of the event. If someone needs to know what I've been through it's way easier to link them to the document. Plus it feels real and not made up now. Like I've processed it. I wrote about my most recent event. But could it be bad to go through every experience in this detail? Am I reliving the trauma instead of healing and moving on? Sorry if I'm really clueless, I'm still learning about what can help the healing and what doesn't.

2019-08-31T11:48:06.000Z

cxv3am

ptsd

Do you find writing/talking about your experiences helpful?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cxv3am/do_you_find_writingtalking_about_your_experiences/

alucyxoxoxo

My sister was in hospital for 6 months on the brink of death... that was around 3-4 years ago so I thought I was over it, but today a friend mentioned prolonged hospital visits in a humorous way and I just felt complete fear and dread take over my body. I have ptsd towards other traumatic events from my life but I didn’t realise that my sisters illness still stung so much.

2019-08-31T11:13:51.000Z

cxut0i

ptsd

Found a new trigger :)

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cxut0i/found_a_new_trigger/

RandomHarlot

For some backstory, we both have trauma and some of it is from each other. He had a psychotic break almost a year ago and on top of his depression,bipolar, whatever he was diagnosed with ASD, PTSD, and schizoaffective disorder. The former two of which should have been diagnosed a long time ago as we already knew. The thing is that being so psychotic and delusional made him fucking abusive. Which he agrees with. At times. Though he's often not convinced. While he's not abusive anymore he still has some tendencies that could be construed as abusive. (And after everything they're totally making me dead inside.) The thing is that he doesn't do it on purpose, he does it because he's delusional mostly and sometimes because of the psychosis. But he also wasn't exactly being malicious when he was abusive. It was for the same reasons. We were talking about our bullshit and trying not to argue and I was trying to list off some of the abusive behaviors he had because he asked and we got to one that was VERY apparent for a while. **Here's the behavior in question:** Demanding apologies for the same couple past fights over. And over. And over. He says the perpetrator or whatever doesn't get to choose how the hurt party gets to feel or something. I told him I would be supportive of his feelings but I'm no longer willing to grovel. Literally a year later he was still requiring an apology for a fight we had that I've apologized for at least a half a dozen times. And that's leaving out the fights where I refused to. If I don't tend to his feelings in the special specific ways he designates for me because he's special or whatever then I'm an asshole and I don't care and everything is my fault. It definitely feels like abuse. But I don't know. Maybe all the abuse in my past just makes me feel like I'm being abused all the time still? Is that a thing? Definitely interested in getting some perspective on this. Thanks y'all.

2019-08-31T06:41:23.000Z

cxssea

ptsd

My husband wants to know if this is abusive.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cxssea/my_husband_wants_to_know_if_this_is_abusive/

Mementolambo

So we have been together for almost 3 months and right now we are on holiday together, so first we were in our first country for 3 days and now we are currently 4 days on a second location. Now the first country we visited I totally changed my opinion on my gf, she has been showing me so much affection like never before, holding my hand basically 24/7 whenever we walking out of the appartment and kissing and hugging me. I thought like wow, finally I can tell that she loves me, and the relationship is progressing. She even said she wanted me to kiss her move often and she pointed back in the past that I once kissed her in a particular way and I only did it then, she misses it. So this might have been my best holiday yet, However.... we are currently at our 2nd location and the tables have turned completely, she is not showing any affection, no kisses, no hands holding, no touching and no sex, absolutely nothing, in fact she comes off as not being interested in me at all. I asked her yesterday to tell me what is going on and how she felt and she says she hates this 2nd location ( me too ) and just wants to go home. Can anyone with more experience with ptsd explain me what the cause of her sudden shift in behaviour might have been? I thought we werr about to bring our relationship to the next level but now I am thinking about breaking it off with her completely, she has been totally disrespectful towards me this whole time and I am not going to accept that anymore.

2019-08-31T06:24:27.000Z

cxsnkf

ptsd

first holiday with gf with PTSD, I am confused

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cxsnkf/first_holiday_with_gf_with_ptsd_i_am_confused/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-31T05:33:36.000Z

cxs8s2

ptsd

From ok to 0 in about 2 seconds

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cxs8s2/from_ok_to_0_in_about_2_seconds/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-31T05:16:43.000Z

cxs3vs

ptsd

Aromatherapy?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cxs3vs/aromatherapy/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-31T03:47:29.000Z

cxrbd2

ptsd

Morning hell

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cxrbd2/morning_hell/

Qweyuio

So I’ve had ptsd for a few years but thought I was just having “re-experiencing” symptoms without dissociation. I was reflecting on what happens when I’m triggered though and I’m wondering if “feeling like I’m there” or “feeling like I’m back in that moment” for a few seconds falls into that category. I had always thought, no of course I know when and where I am - but I realized I actually don’t for a split second up to five seconds. I think I was essentially picturing psychosis for flashbacks and think I might have been wrong about that as the only way it can go. I’m going to go in for a comprehensive assessment, but until then I’m just wondering if anyone has any insights.

2019-08-31T03:06:24.000Z

cxqxaq

ptsd

Dissociative flashback question

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cxqxaq/dissociative_flashback_question/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-31T02:50:45.000Z

cxqrmq

ptsd

Has anyone tried an inpatient/long-term treatment center for their PTSD?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cxqrmq/has_anyone_tried_an_inpatientlongterm_treatment/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-31T02:16:50.000Z

cxqfjt

ptsd

My partner of 3 years still thinks it’s funny to come up behind me to startle me.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cxqfjt/my_partner_of_3_years_still_thinks_its_funny_to/

dddulcie

Lately, once or twice a day, I blink and see a quick image, which is followed by an emotional flashback. Anyone else get these?

2019-08-31T01:40:07.000Z

cxq1yi

ptsd

Do you ever have super small flashbacks when you blink? Not really a flashback, but just a quick image of something from the trauma.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cxq1yi/do_you_ever_have_super_small_flashbacks_when_you/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-30T22:58:54.000Z

cxob1f

ptsd

Anyone tried accupuncture to help ptsd?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cxob1f/anyone_tried_accupuncture_to_help_ptsd/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-30T20:06:25.000Z

cxm5p6

ptsd

Do I have PTSD and should I see a therapist for it? (TW Violence/abuse)

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cxm5p6/do_i_have_ptsd_and_should_i_see_a_therapist_for/

sparklewormlogic

In other words, what do people generally think about PTSD/ how much do people without PTSD know about the condition? I want to know because I wonder what people think when I tell them I have PTSD. Thanks!

2019-08-30T19:51:35.000Z

cxlyrt

ptsd

What is the stigma associated with PTSD?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cxlyrt/what_is_the_stigma_associated_with_ptsd/

remineur

Hello, I consulted a new psychiatrist specialized in "EMDR,CBT" therapy, he diagnosed me with post-traumatic stress, the old one had not diagnosed me with "ptsd'. The old one also treated me with nearly 15 antidepressants with some positive effects but nothing extraordinary. Let's go back to the new psychiatrist who told me that the other one made a professional mistake for not seeing that I was in a state of post-traumatic stress. I wonder, are there symptoms that allow the psychiatrist to be sure that it is a "ptsd'" because sometimes,i think that maybe it's just classic anxiety and that he was wrong. &#x200B; Few years ago, i also had periods when I was able to block the thoughts that showed me the aggressor's face. They finally came back in a second and almost never left me again except under some antidepressant that reduced a lot of symptoms. &#x200B; The psychiatrist tells me that with the "ptsd" it is rare that the disorder goes away alone, in general it decreases or gets worse, he recommended that I do an "emdr" therapy, he also told me that it often only takes a few sessions of 90 minutes to treat the shocking event. Finally, he told me that he couldn't get me to cancel the event but that it is possible to change the emotions around it, what do you think? &#x200B; sorry for my english, thank you !!

2019-08-30T19:09:57.000Z

cxlf64

ptsd

Are there any symptoms that allow the psychiatrist to be sure that it is ptsd ?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cxlf64/are_there_any_symptoms_that_allow_the/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-30T17:29:19.000Z

cxk3dg

ptsd

Feel like a fake

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cxk3dg/feel_like_a_fake/

ThrowDirtonMe

I feel like I can’t deal with these dreams anymore. I realize I’m dreaming and try to force myself awake. I’m finally “awake” until I realize nope this is still a dream. It happens over and over until I finally wake up. It’s so hard to tell when I’m actually up. It’s scary and disorienting. My abuser is almost always in these dreams. I wake up sobbing. I used to self harm in the middle of the night to prove it was real life. Since taking Prazosin I don’t do that anymore but the dreams still happen, just with less frequency. Why does my brain not work ugh. I can’t even sleep right. What’s the point. Sorry if this doesn’t make sense. I’m really on edge. Someone please tell me they also experience something like this. Tell me how to deal with it.

2019-08-30T15:39:14.000Z

cximbp

ptsd

False Awakening (Recursive dreams)

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cximbp/false_awakening_recursive_dreams/

SmellThisMilk

I've posted about this book before on /r/ptsd , but it helped me so much, I think it bears reposting. The book came out in 2015, so its relatively new. It was written by a psychologist who attempted to treat PTSD in Vietnam Veterans in the early 1970s and has been trying to understand trauma of all forms for his entire career. It is written partly as a description of his career and the technological developments that helped doctors understand trauma, but it also goes into great detail describing the physical mechanisms of trauma and how to overcome them. And yes, you can overcome them. I have PTSD from a near death experience that landed me in a 9 day medically induced coma. In trying to recover, I kept meeting people talking about 'energy' or memories living in our muscles and it just always felt confusing or vague and even more disempowering. This book REALLY demystified a lot of these concepts for me and helped me believe for the first time that not only were my problems understandable, but that there were practical things that I could do to move beyond them.

2019-08-30T14:40:09.000Z

cxhu5q

ptsd

"The Body Keeps the Score" is probably the most comprehensive and easiest to read book on PTSD

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cxhu5q/the_body_keeps_the_score_is_probably_the_most/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-30T14:25:03.000Z

cxhn88

ptsd

Do you ever get flash backs from just talking about ptsd?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cxhn88/do_you_ever_get_flash_backs_from_just_talking/