Datasets:

quocanh34

/

mental_health_dataset_1

like 5

trashbin438

Like not even in a negative way I often just dream of ciggeretts and butterfly knifes and locks, when I wake up I don’t feel bad or anything its just a constant image in my dreams.

2019-09-29T20:20:09.000Z

db0m04

ptsd

Is it a PTSD thing to dream about objects from a traumatizing moment?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/db0m04/is_it_a_ptsd_thing_to_dream_about_objects_from_a/

afatcatfromsweden

A lot has happened to me recently. My best friend died, my father almost died a week later and today he went out hunting and told noone. All of the trauma i am experiencing right now brings back trauma from the past. I don’t know if i would ever be able to get over it, all i can do to cope with the anger and hatred growing inside of me is writing rap songs about it.

2019-09-29T19:37:39.000Z

db00rr

ptsd

I’m feeling like shit

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/db00rr/im_feeling_like_shit/

Tenspeedhero

This is my first post on r/ptsd. I was diagnosed with ptsd from my work as a first responder. I have been working on stabilization with my therapist so far. I think I've gotten myself into a pretty good routine that keeps me in my window of tolerance. The amount of times I've had to resort to clonazepam to calm myself has decreased. The other day while grocery shopping I heard a "code 66" being called over the PA system. I never heard that code before but I could tell my the tone of the voice it was an emergency call. I immediately felt like I had just heard the pager/tones go off. I froze for a few seconds (felt like forever) debating if I should intervene or just standby. Of course the part of me that made me become a first responder won't let me standby and not do anything. So I dropped my cart and went searching. Turns out that is was not a serious emergency and already being handled by staff and an off duty RN. I still did a proper assessment of the situation and patient. I felt meek and dumbfounded while talking. Like it was my very first Rideout as a student. Afterwards I felt like a was in a daze and had so many of my hyperarousal symptoms. Luckily I was heading to my therapist appointment immediately afterwards. I almost swerved off the road while driving by over reacting to someone crossing into my lane. My therapist successfully brought me back into my window. Made me really appreciate his expertise. I was critical of myself. "If I can't handle a minor emergency how am I ever going to handle a real one again" he said to me "as soon as the announcement was made you were triggered. You didn't know it was minor. Could have been a massive heart attack. You still responded anyway. Your body could not tell the difference". Just wanted to share that with you guys. I'm discovering new things about myself everyday. The next time I doubt my injury I'll use that situation to remind myself. Don't minimalize your trauma/feelings just because you feel the need to be strong to help others. I know I will always respond no matter what. I cannot stand by and do nothing. But maybe one day I'll be able to do it without being triggered. A lot of work a head for me.

2019-09-29T18:14:05.000Z

dayv18

ptsd

Medical emergency

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/dayv18/medical_emergency/

chubbyfalcon

[removed]

2019-09-29T18:05:27.000Z

dayqv4

ptsd

Video about flashbacks and triggers

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/dayqv4/video_about_flashbacks_and_triggers/

coffeemuffins

I'm feeling very down today. I take everything and turn it into a crisis. My refrigerator is broke and I'm low on money till payday. Neither should be that big of a deal but I'm super stressed and depressed about it. Im trying not to cry. I want to stay home from work tomorrow and sit around and cry. I know I cant do that. I just feel so down. I make mountains out of mole hills and dont know how to stop.

2019-09-29T14:42:09.000Z

davzhx

ptsd

Stressed and depressed over every little thing

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/davzhx/stressed_and_depressed_over_every_little_thing/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-29T11:49:19.000Z

dau4y5

ptsd

Someone made an allegation against my friend. When I told him, he believed the girl over me. I ended our friendship.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/dau4y5/someone_made_an_allegation_against_my_friend_when/

WithAGrainOfNutmeg

Hey, this is my first post here. For context, I have 3 sisters, all of whom are older than me. I'll start from the beginning. This is going to be a long post because I need to fit as much necessary details in order to paint the full picture of why I think.my sisters are either in denial or trying to avoid the point. Gonna flair it witn NSFW since it mentions child abuse. --- I was born in a small town in Ontario, with my mother, father, and three sisters in one big home. My father seemed genuinely happy, my mother was a kind woman. My father built a jungle gym sort of thing in the backyard with slides and stuff for me and my sisters. Its was a pleasent little house in a quiet little town. My dad had his own company, I don't remember where my mom worked. My sisters were all older hut one was only older by a year, so we typically went to the same sort of school. When I was about 8 years old, my family made a big move, from a small Ontario town to the big city of Calgary, in Alberta 3 provinces away. I was sad to leave my friends behind but the sights and the journey made it all worth it. Even being just 8, I have vivid memories of the massive summer thunderstorms in the prairies, the mirror-like vast lakes on the journey through Manitoba, and the majestic snow-covered peaks of the mountains in Alberta. It was like I travelled the whole world. My previous apprehensions were gone, I was ready for a fresh start. We moved into a big house in a cul-de-sac. I made friends with a neighbour kid and was back to being a carefree child. I spent most of my time either in my room playing with toys _(Magnetix were the bomb)_ or hanging out with my friend. Our house had a big basement and a huge backyard, I could always keep myself distracted. School life was alright, I lost a tooth on a pickle, fell in a deep hole, broke my nose on one of the poles between the sets of entrance doors, a good time. Mom was very busy working as an accountant(?) for some jewlery company. My dad was generally just home making phone calls or watching TV. I didn't really notice much though, since as a kid, you typically don't care about that sort of thing. Two of sisters were in highschool so I typically didn't see much of them. The sister who was around the same grade as me didn't talk to me much at school, but again, I didn't really notice her either. I had some trouble making friends at school, since as a kid I had some anger issues and was anti-social. I met a small group though, and we had a great time together. We were troublemakers at times but we were mostly just silly and minded our own business, playing games like 'The Floor is Lava' at the playground. My grades weren't amazing but I hardly cared about that. And then, when I was around 12 we moved again. A bigger house in a richer part of the city. This was before the internet was readily accessible, I lost contact with my new friends, and this time there was no big, distracting journey to take my worries this time. I was already socially awkward, I didn't really plan on meeting friends this time around, so I'm not quite sure how I did. Looking back I was pretty weird, so its amazing I made any friends at all. I met three kids at school & one in my neighbourhood. My grades continued to suffer but I still didn't care about that, I would preoccupy my time thinking of the next recess or break to hang out with my friends again. We made up our own sort of trading card game, which we would play both during breaks & sometimes during class. I was more aware as a person by this point, I comprehended my grades failing but I didn't care. Eventually my eldest sister moved out, we said our goodbyes and wished her good luck. It was very sudden - She just decided to leave out of the blue. With that increased awareness in mind, I slowly began to comprehend the cracks forming in my parent's relationship. My dad still was unable to find work, and was paying for stuff using his steadily dwindling savings account from when he owned his business. My mother still had her job though, with a steady income. I spent a lot of time on my computer, playing games and ignoring the situation, however I was aware of it to a degree. Every now and then, my father would take trips out of town, I remember for a solid week it was just me, my sisters & our mom. She was behaving strangely, unusually calm and friendly. _"So is it true your dad does heroin?"_ Those were the words from my neighbourhood friend's brother. I had no idea what he meant. This was the first I'd heard about it. I looked at him confused but he insisted on it. I told him I had no idea what they meant and went back home, I didn't say anything, I just quietly went to my room. A few days later I get the news that my parents are getting divorced. Now, I knew they were fighting, but the idea hadn't even crossed my mind that they'd divorce. Apparently my mom had been cheating on my dad for a while, she was spreading rumours about him including the one saying he did illegal drugs. The business trips he was taking were due to some legal stuff, he ended up stranded in Toronto for a while and had to live on the street since his savings were drained. I was pretty upset. Me and my siblings sided with our father. The court ended up giving our mother control of our house, and gave our father the car. We had to leave our pets behind, who we learned she later went on to give away on Kijiji. My father, sisters & myself ended up staying at a homeless shelter for pretty much my entire summer vacation until we finally found a place we could afford. This time around I didn't have to change schools, so at least I had my old friends to keep me distracted. I was older now and was even more aware of my surrounding situation. My father & second eldest sister were at each other's throats constantly. She eventually moved out, too. It was just me and my youngest sister now. We still didn't talk much, however, when my father would leave, me and her would often have conversations. She was far closer to my father than I was _(By this point I had distanced myself from pretty much my entire family)_ so she knew much more about the situation than I did. Apparently my kother was very physically and verbally abusive towards my eldest sister & my father. Ky eldest sister left so abruptly due to urgency rather than her own interests. It was then I also learned my mother had mostly been the one facilitating the various moves at my father's expense. Around 15 years old, my remaining family moved back to my hometown. My dad had started working as a backgroung extra for T.V. shows and stuff like Heartland, and he thought there may be more acting opportunities back around Toronto. I said goodbye to my friends and completely gave up on trying to make friends with anyone. In fact, I didn't even want to make friends - my school basically pushed me into a friend group and told me to socialize. I only really made friemds with a couple of them, everyone else was more of an aquaintance. I basically stopped caring about grades. I was tired of bouncing between schools and was confident it would happen again. I made fair grades in sone classes like computer programming but I just focused on getting passing grades so I wouldn't have to do a victory lap. Tensions between me and my father were evidently rising. My sister and I continued talking. I wouldn't say much aside from how I felt, she would tell me stuff about the situation that I did not know. We had a big conversation and a lot of information was spilled regarding my father. He had some motivation to move back to my hometown due to acting potential, but his main point was to try and get his back fixed. Around 10 years before I was even born, he was in a car accident which hurt his back, ruining his ability to work as effectively as before. As it turns out he's been scouring the country for a cure. When I said my mother was mostly facilitating the moves, my father was not without intent. Furthermore, the miracle cure for his back he is seeking is nothing but a pipe dream. According to my sister, she'd seen one of his medical files which essentially said he was severely depressed, but was motivated purely based off a ficticious treatment that would fix his damaged spine & give his career back. He dragged me and my sisters back and forth through the country chasing nothing more than a fairytale. My sister also told me the reasoning as to why my second eldest sister left. After we had moved into the house after the homeless shelter, he became increasingly suspicious about her. My father believed my second eldest sister was sleeping around. He would get on her case whenever a boy would come over, he even went so far as to take her to a clinic to get her tested for pregnancy and stuff. He would yell at her, accuse her of things she didn't do, and treat her like trash, so she left. My youngest sister also explained that she is too.afraid for our father's well-being to leave, since he's forgetful about stuff like groceries and medication, she was worried he might overdose by accident if she leaves, and felt as if it would be her fault. Fast forward a little bit, and I ended up in the same boat. Tensions reached their breaking point and I left, too. Now that you know the basics of the events that happened, lets get into why I think my sisters are sufferimg from a traumatic childhood but are trying to hide it. When I initially moved out - that is, I told one of my best friends I was reaching my limit - her & her family offered to take me in. Since I was 16 at the time, I was allowed to make that decision, to an extent. A few days later, my youngest and second eldest sister attempted to make contact with me on Facebook. My youngest was wondering what happened and where I went. I ignored her for the first few days. I reached out to my second eldest, and I regret it. She initally acted sympathetic, saying how she understood why I left. She offered to buy me a plane ticket to fly back out to Alberta to live with her. When I told her I planned on staying with my friend, her demeanor turned cold and unforgiving. She said my situation wasn't that bad, while simultaneously calling me selfish for leaving my youngest sister behind in that situation. I retorted withbthe fact that she left us behinf she said it was different because she left both of us behind together, while I left my sister alone. A few years later me and my friend had our own apartment together. We were close friends but we had fights sometimes, as everyone does. On one particular occasion my mind broke. After a fight was over and everything was seemingly settling down, I told her I was going someplace with a friend. I did go someplace with a friend. The event I went to ended at 8 PM. For the next seven hours, I walked in one random direction out of town down the side of the highway over 26 kilometres away. Stuff happened, I ended up at the hospital psych ward, I was questioned about stuff so they could figure out what happened. They indicated a lot of factors as to why my mental state was so disturbed including a traumatic childhood. While I was "missing" - my roommate had no idea where I was for 7+ hours and was worried - my sisters & dad caught wind and immediately started pinning the blame on my friend & her family. My friend's family disputed it & mentioned my father's behaviour but my sisters stepped in and denied everything. It feels to me like they have problems aswell that aren't being addressed. We all grew up in the same unhealthy environment yet they deny the fact that anything was wrong.

2019-09-29T09:40:32.000Z

dat3k6

ptsd

Me and my sisters had a rough childhood, but I think they are trying to avoid it. (LONG)

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/dat3k6/me_and_my_sisters_had_a_rough_childhood_but_i/

dstptaw

Right onto my second storey bedroom wall Don't even have words for the panic that ensued Worst part is I'm sure it was some little prick doing it with the intention of fucking with someone It worked

2019-09-29T08:38:58.000Z

dasmd9

ptsd

Someone was shining a laser pointer into my house last night

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/dasmd9/someone_was_shining_a_laser_pointer_into_my_house/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-29T06:34:44.000Z

daro5x

ptsd

Something i need to get off my chest

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/daro5x/something_i_need_to_get_off_my_chest/

[deleted]

So after spending some time with my therapist, she thinks I may have PTSD but says she's not qualified to actually diagnose me with it. So I talked to my psychiatrist and he pretty much said the same. He also said that only war veterans get it. I promise you, I'm not exaggerating. My "clinic" feels very ghetto and bootleg and probably shouldn't be treating people if they're all the same. But anyway, that's a bit off topic. I was told that I would have to check somewhere else for help and/or proper diagnosis regarding PTSD but I'm kinda stumped. What do I do?

2019-09-29T05:58:06.000Z

dardmp

ptsd

Exactly who can diagnose me with PTSD if not my therapist or psychiatrist? (more details and story inside)

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/dardmp/exactly_who_can_diagnose_me_with_ptsd_if_not_my/

throwaway12038204r4r

Hi all, I'm not sure what to even say. I'm posting during a brief reprieve in what I think has probably got to be my worst flashback ever. The trauma was more than six years ago, and I have come so far in my treatment and recovery since then. Tonight my boyfriend did something that set me off big time. It wasn't really his fault but it's really bad. This is the worst things have ever been. I can smell the smells from what happened, which I've never even remembered before. I cant stop shaking and I've bitten myself and hit myself to try to keep from screaming. I'm normally not like this at all, and I'm embarrassed and ashamed and feel out of control. ​ I was able to get up and eat a few bites of ice cream because I thought the cold would help, and that has snapped me back to reality for a minute. I took a xanax (though it was a tough choice... I'm a student and my university services won't prescribe benzos for long term b/c they think students abuse them so I am almost at the end of what they'll prescribe me. So I didn't want to take one because I try really hard to save them and stretch them out, but I think I really really had to tonight.) And frankly I am drinking a little bit, too, right now which I know is not the right thing to do but I'm just trying to do anything I can to keep my shit together right now. ​ I don't even know why I'm posting or what I'm hoping to get out of it except that i need to say all of this to someone who I know knows what I'm talking about. I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin. I'm with it enough right now to know intellectually that this is just a flashback and it will end eventually but at the same time I feel totally out of control and I can't see the end of this.

2019-09-29T05:38:05.000Z

dar7pr

ptsd

Worst Flashback Yet (TW for.... Flashbacks?)

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/dar7pr/worst_flashback_yet_tw_for_flashbacks/

mikehiler2

I wasn’t always so closed off. I wasn’t always “ant-social.” I was the guy the crack a joke (sometimes dark) at any moment. I would talk to people all the time. Now. I’m not saying that I *don’t* still talk to people (and that’s how some have always been surprised to learn that I do, in fact, have PTSD). I’m a very outspoken and talkative guy. I’ll say my peace with no f**cks given. That’s just who I am now (Infantry, what can I say). But, just a few minutes ago I had a moment of clarity. I describe myself as anti-social. I don’t associate with people. I won’t talk to my neighbors, except to say a quick hi, and my name is... blah blah blah. And I quickly forget them. Some people find that upsetting (and believe me, I understand fully). But, during my time in I was told never to get too close to anyone, that in war anyone could die. Obviously (and understandably) I ignored their advise and made friends. Many of them died. So I closed myself off, understanding that they (those that told me no to make too many friends in the beginning) were right. Then I met my wife (future, at the time), and I slowly let my guard down. I was an NCO at the time, so my choice of friends were limited anyway, but I made a good friend. Could draw so much better than me it was silly. He was a mechanic, and I was regular grunt, but we made a connection. We even lived next to each other. Literally the next house over. Well, he got killed in Afghanistan (I wasn’t with him, I was back at the FOB) and that really hurt me. I lost more friends than most people know exist in a short amount of time, but loosing *this* guy hurt me. So I shut up again completely. I made another “for life” friend who was in my old unit when I was there in my last duty station, but that was because of my wife. I swear, I wouldn’t have been friends with myself if I heard what I said. I was like “Who are these people? I don’t know them? Why would I want to talk with them for??” Little did I know that they (the guy that was in the same unit and me and his wife and two kids) would become the longest lasting friendship I have had in a long time? But you want to know the kicker? If it was up to me, I would have never talked to them. At all. Not ever. It was my *wife* demanded that we talk to them. It took me quite awhile to open up, and at least three months before I even found out that he was in the same unit as me at the same time. Well, I guess the moral of this story is to find someone that understands what’s going on with you, that gets you and at the same time helps you. A long lasting friendship could form if you just reach out. By myself I would have never known them. But now, even though we live many States away, we know that either can come to the other (they’ve asked us once, and we said “Of Course” and they lived in our house, no questions asked for about 5 months once) and ask anything and it will be given freely. I swear, if it wasn’t for my wife, I would’ve been dead a long time ago.

2019-09-29T03:59:58.000Z

daqcen

ptsd

Interesting thought...

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/daqcen/interesting_thought/

Lonestar189

I apologize if this is a stupid question. So I’ve been having symptoms for a while now from trauma that happened years ago. I can’t get help yet for various reasons. However, ever since my most recent trauma happened (which was almost a year ago), the symptoms now seem to be more about that. Can someone please explain what this probably is? Thanks

2019-09-29T02:34:00.000Z

daphrl

ptsd

Symptoms shifting from one trauma to another?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/daphrl/symptoms_shifting_from_one_trauma_to_another/

thatsnotmyname196

Flashbacks are ravaging my brain today. The images, the smells and the feelings of him forcing himself inside of me, telling me not to struggle and holding me down. I am been physically ill all day just thinking about it. I have tried to keep busy, stay grounded and distracting myself, but today nothing is working. And I am right back there again, feeling everything, being violated all over again.

2019-09-29T02:09:39.000Z

dap8x6

ptsd

Intrusive Thoughts

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/dap8x6/intrusive_thoughts/

deffzombie

Tw: mention of suicidal thoughts Today my dog had some tests come back which most likely indicate cancer. A month ago he was in perfect stunning health, today they aren't sure he will be stable until Monday. Lately I've not been doing very good. Hanging on. Talking myself out of reoccurring suicidal ideation. I am fighting so hard. Trying to stop myself from being stupid. I have been overwhelmed with hopelessness. There is seriously no fucking point in existing. Now this? This dog is so important to me and he's going to fucking die and there is little shit I can do. He has protected me from abuse and saved my mother's life (very literal). He breaks me out of flashbacks and is the best gift anyone could ask for in a living creature. I just don't know why I would bother fighting after this. I want to rehome my pets, put my mother on disability, and just disappear forever. It won't matter. I just don't see how I can handle this grief while dealing with these thoughts. I don't know what I am going to do.

2019-09-29T01:54:07.000Z

dap2yw

ptsd

Dealing with grief during a bad spell.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/dap2yw/dealing_with_grief_during_a_bad_spell/

shantamichelle

So when I was at the doc’s office getting the prescription for Celexa, I asked if I could still occasionally smoke alongside it. I smoke a very small amount (2-4 hits off a cartridge) every 2-3 weeks to help zone out to music and art projects. He recommended I be on the meds for at least 6 weeks before trying to smoke. What’s been your experiences?

2019-09-29T01:28:09.000Z

daot29

ptsd

Celexa and marijuana

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/daot29/celexa_and_marijuana/

[deleted]

I've broken down crying and apologizing to him for being so sick on multiple occasions. I ask him if I make him happy and all that stuff. He always says yes and tells me if I have been making him miserable he would of left a long time ago. He says it just sucks to watch me go through this, but I'm not bringing him down. Honestly, I do believe that I am not bringing him down, but I don't understand how I am not dragging him down with me. He's not depressed and he has never been mean to me when I can't keep my symptoms under control. He is always so sweet and upbeat. I apologize for when I am being in a bad mood and when I get snappy at him on a bad day, but he had no idea that I was in a bad mood and that I got angry at him. I've been thinking about this fact for a while, then I realized that I have this subconscious ability to hide my actual feelings and he doesn't know how fucked up I am inside. I know I consciously try and manage my symptoms and have a good leash on not overreacting, but when I loose my cool it's so subtle that he doesn't even register that I was upset. Like, I was really angry one day and got really snappy with him, and when I apologized he said that it wasn't bad. That I just seemed annoyed at best. I mean, I kinda find this funny because I guess I am so timid that even when I feel furious it's not even noticeable to people, but I also feel very much alone and like I am choking on my turmoil. I plan on telling him what is up because I am getting really bad, and things are going to hit rock bottom very soon if I don't get help.

2019-09-28T23:42:21.000Z

dannvl

ptsd

I just realized that my boyfriend has little to idea what goes on in my head most of the time.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/dannvl/i_just_realized_that_my_boyfriend_has_little_to/

s0ciety_a5under

I think we all have it, that burning rage inside us, the primal anger that makes no sense. Irrationally saying or doing things in a blind rage. These days it's all I've known. A seething black fire behind a smile. I'm trying, but everywhere I go, everything I do become so much more difficult. Little things just become the biggest insane issues. Its ruining everything I am. I know it, but at this point, there isn't anything else. I don't have fun anymore. Life isn't what it used to be, and it's looking more bleak as the days go by.

2019-09-28T23:20:53.000Z

danfja

ptsd

The fire is the only thing left.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/danfja/the_fire_is_the_only_thing_left/

themarshmallowdiva

My whole heart is breaking so wide and open, it feels like my ribs are cracking, splintering and fracturing in sharp slivers as they spread open, and my heart is bleating it's cry out in the open. Begging for silence. For calm. Some sort of pause button so I can lick my wounds in the dark, and in the quiet. Ease myself into this reset of fucking torture. I thought I was past all my PTSD bullshit, and had a great handle on it -- but holy fuck, do I never. I feel it pulls at the roots of my hair, and paining the sensitive scalp beneath. My tongue is shredded all around the edges. I just keep chewing on my lips and biting on my tongue hard enough until I can taste the copper. Just to keep myself on track mentally. Just to think straight. And it's exhausting. Always being 'on'. 'On' and 'normal'. I need a goddamned drink, and a chance to ease the pain. I'm going to go absolutely insane trying to pretend everything's copacetic when I'm literally bleeding out around people's feet. It is a tangible version of drowning, only with no water or tears, just simply dying by holding your breath. Like some strange temper tantrum of an young child -- holding my breath to get my way -- holding my breath to brace for the next impact. The next hit. The next sledgehammer that splinters me to a decimated version of myself. And I know NOW -- that it's not coming anymore. That I don't HAVE to be on high-alert anymore. Waiting for the fear to past, waiting for the terror to slink by you like some greasy bastard in the dark, and hope it won't destroy you with one fell swoop of it's one simple box-cutter-like claw. And you hold your breath, waiting, waiting, waiting, flinching at the slightest movement, cough, sneeze, sniffle, breath... Just waiting... waiting until suddenly, you are no more, and surely you're dead somewhere inside -- but no, you fool, you just took an inward jagged breath, and he heard you. He heard you, and how DARE you breathe in again -- and he's mad. I can feel his anger from clear across the room. Like angry sparks from an unmanaged campfire when you're sitting too close. Singeing your hair, your clothes, and you always reek of this putrid smoke. It doesn't smell like campfire, and summers; it burns, and pops, hisses angrily, and the heat's so harsh it singes the hair from your arms and legs. You're too close. You take a deep drying, charring breath inward, and with some desperately, you teeter backwards -away from the fire. The cool is vibrant. Relieving. Soothing. But temporary. And here we are again. Chewing my tongue to a bloody, meshy pulp. As the fire nears again, sucking the air from my lungs, from the room, suffocating me over a fear I can't see but oh god can I hear it. And I \_know\_, I fucking KNOW it's not real, and my mind is lying to me. I don't have to listen to the lizard tongue whispering threats under my skin, within my veins, electrifying my nerves, interweaving my skull, between my teeth, and nostrils, within and without my eye sockets... And so blind I become, to the roots that have slowly grown around my throat. I feel the pressure building there. The tension tightening. By millimetres. And soon, he'll kill me, but only briefly enough so that I know it was him, and he'll leave me just enough breath to gasp to the next inhale. And I know it's not real. And yet, I'm struggling to understand why my brain keeps telling me to run-run-run, when I know all of it, isn't real. My mind is lying to me. I am safe, I remind myself. When there's nothing to run from. No one to run from. I am safe*. I am safe.* In my bed. In my home. In behind locked doors, and alone. &#x200B; *I.* *Am.* *Safe.* &#x200B; And still, the fear is a famished thing, and it devours pieces of me -- first the things I never thought I'd miss. A smile then, a laugh there. Then slowly but surely... as it's appetite grows, I keep feeding it more and more of myself, without ever meaning to. I just want to escape this omnipresent darkness that I feel within me, and I sometimes fear that the only thing left of me now, is only the darkness. And the rest is just mismatched fragments of a person I used to be, and have never met before. What's left of me, when the monster seems to take it all? \------ Sometimes I find it easier to write creatively to get my... inner turmoil out. IF this is allowed, I'm sorry, it's just how I express myself sometimes. Thank you to anyone who finished reading. I appreciate you taking the time to hear me out. <3 u/themarshmallowdiva

2019-09-28T23:05:31.000Z

dan9e8

ptsd

I just feel like I'm suffocating...

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/dan9e8/i_just_feel_like_im_suffocating/

OL_TEAM

I've always hated beds, I would sleep on my couch. Part of my event I was trying to stay quiet on the couch. Since then, I was sleeping on the floor. One day I was at the river and took a short nap in a hammock, so I went and bought one. Insomnia is still a factor, but the soothing rocking back and forth. Puts you to sleep within seconds. Since this is the only way I can sleep, I don't use it during the day. I like the feeling of knowing as soon as I settle in I'm going to fall asleep. Not using it during the day, unless I get flashbacks has turned it into helping me cope with the dread of not sleeping, because of nightmares etc. I'm assuming it's a primal instinct that we have from being held as a child. That it feels like a safe zone. Probably by this point you are wondering how sleeping in the shape of a banana feels on your body. There are certain ways you have to lay in a hammock, if you don't it does hurt. Side note, also helps with chronic back pain. I can explain more if you have questions on what type to get, if you are wanting to try this out.

2019-09-28T21:48:48.000Z

damdoj

ptsd

Sleeping in a hammock.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/damdoj/sleeping_in_a_hammock/

Cannibal_Girl6666

I started work at a fast food place recently. For money and to learn how to deal with people better. It's already been about 2 months but every moment feels like I want to have a panic attack. I cry so much because i have to deal with really nasty people, and not the customers. My hands hurt and crack and bleed. And my body hurts. But it's nothing compared to what my boyfriend has to deal with everyday. Hes so strong and cool and I'm worthless. If i was stronger i wouldnt feel pain or cry everytime someone tells me i fucked up and i need to stop. I wish i didnt have the memory of a goldfish and i could remeber all the stupid sandwiches. Why can't I remeber the right things to say?? Why cant I remeber to get the paper work from work and not feel like my job is at risk?? Why cant i not freak out when i mess up? Why do I cry myself to sleep because when I finally not a burden to my boyfriend I still feel like I am. And maybe he should be with someone who would vent to him all the time and take better care of him. I feel so selfish for wanting him to stay. He wants to. He loves me, but I dont want to be a burden anymore. To anyone. I want to be useful. I hate being useless.

2019-09-28T21:17:40.000Z

dam09i

ptsd

Why cant I be normal??

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/dam09i/why_cant_i_be_normal/

LeonardoMcdouchebag

This sounds ridiculous but it's happened for maybe the third time in my life today where someone found my trigger, I told them I have PTSD and it's why I can't do x, y, or z. And they just mocked me for it incessantly. I've had this happen with anonymous people online a few times but it's just so egregious sometimes (movie villain levels of mean) that idk what to do. I get the shakes and I feel unsafe, not as bad as a full on attack but I have no idea how to cope/avoid it.

2019-09-28T17:18:39.000Z

daivkn

ptsd

How to deal with mocking for PTSD?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/daivkn/how_to_deal_with_mocking_for_ptsd/

qaaaaaaaaaaa

so for the very first time, after 7 yesrs of it happening, i admitted to being sexually abused last march. i honestly didn't know what i was expecting to happen, but i was scared my boyfriend (we weren't together at the time) reacted differently, in a way I didn't expect. he thought i was lying, that you can't trust people despite us being close friends at the time. this destroyed me. i told him how much it upset me and I thought he trusted me. this resulted to him disappearing for a day, which made me feel worse i know how it sounds, he's probably horrible right? well, actually no. he's the sweetest and i love him to bits. he started believing me. he supports me, helps me get over the trauma, makes sure i'm safe. he's amazing for that. but here's the thing, all the things he said in march stuck with me, i still cry about it, i still bring it up. i call him an asshole, a piece of shit, say that i hate him when i get reminded of it. what am i doing? it happened 7 months ago. i should be over it by now, but i'm not. whenever i realize what i've done to him, i feel horrible. he's helped me out so much but i still go insane after what hebsaid for the first time. am i okay? what do i do to fix this? it's obviously not relevant anymore but i still bring it up

2019-09-28T16:13:17.000Z

dai0i8

ptsd

my boyfriend denied my trauma and I can't get over it

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/dai0i8/my_boyfriend_denied_my_trauma_and_i_cant_get_over/

[deleted]

Every few days the neighbours that live directly below me yell at each other for over 30+ minutes. I can hear the yelling through the duct/ventilation system. It triggers PTSD memories of my dad yelling at me as a child as he abused me, and makes me extremely sick and anxious. I've filed a dozen complaints with the landlords over the last 6 months. I just phoned and filed another one 30 minutes and they said they'd go talk with them. I went downstairs to talk with landlords afterwards and he said "Yeah, that isn't an issue, that's just how they talk". I said no it isn't, they yell at each other, my walls shake sometimes from them throwing things. He said "If it's before 10pm we don't do anything about noise complaints." I said well I'm going to have to phone 911, as I've threatened to do in the past over this same issue. He said go ahead and basically he didn't care. I phoned 911 and told them I was having a PTSD crisis from the people downstairs yelling multiple times a week. They instantly freaked out and the lady on the other end started yelling frantically at me.. "Sir do we need to call an ambulance for you? Are you going to harm yourself?"... I said no, the issue with is with the people downstairs... She continued "Sir, are you going to kill yourself?"... I said please lower your voice and calm down, the 911 dispatcher was talking so loud and frenzied that it was making my anxiety worse. Finally after the same exchange back and forth over 10minutes I managed to convince her I wasn't in any harm, and if they could PLEASE just do something about the people that live below me. I've been wanting to move out of this apartment for over a year but I live on disability and have no means of moving out, housing is so unaffordable and beyond my reach. I contemplate jumping off my balcony to escape this apartment, I have to hear daily yelling and screaming from these people below me and have PTSD triggered almost daily. I don't know what to do. The police and landlords won't do anything. I couldn't believe how rude and mean that 911 dispatcher was either.

2019-09-28T15:17:28.000Z

dahaif

ptsd

PTSD over neighbours downstairs

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/dahaif/ptsd_over_neighbours_downstairs/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-28T14:43:47.000Z

dagv6a

ptsd

Zoloft and increased stress symptoms

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/dagv6a/zoloft_and_increased_stress_symptoms/

Nobody_2027

I really need some insight into this So when I was around 2 to the age of 10, maybe older, I was sexually abused. I had no recollection of the abuse. Looking back on it now, I feel like I had always known what had happened. I had decided, around the time the abuse started, or at least not long after, that I couldn't deal with it because it was just too much. So I began trying to separate myself into two parts. One, I named Rosy, and she was the one who knew about the abuse, and then there was me, who didn't. Rosy wasn't allowed to talk. I remember thinking that this part of me wouldn't be able to talk to the other part of me. From my perception of DID, it seems like often times there is the sense of time lost, or just gaps in memories. I had that. I was always forgetting what people told me. And these "parts" are able to do things in a way that might seem like it's involuntary, or separate. I was aware that this other part of me, Rosy, was there. I was afraid of the fact it seemed like I had lost control over her. I remember after I first thought I had figured out how to sever myself into pieces, I felt like it hadn't worked the way I thought it would, and I had regretted doing it. I remember my initial reaction was that I felt like I had disconnected my legs from the rest of my body, like I was walking on sticks, and I couldn't balance. I think it was just nervous energy. I had tried to separate myself into two parts, afraid and calm. I associated this anxiety with Rosy. When my heart would start beating fast, I would say that meant Rosy was trying to get out. I also used to hit my head against walls at night, and it always felt like I was falling backwards, and I had just forgotten where I was in relation to the wall, and accidentally hit my head. I also can remember panicking whenever this would happen, because I realized it was Rosy doing that and not me. And then I can remember writing on my arm, my name is Rosy. And then later I would be confused as to why there was writing on my arm. I felt numb a lot. Like I just couldn't feel physical sensations well. But I know I did feel them. Because now, I feel them all the time, and I know what it feels like. It's familiar. I just remember thinking that I "wasn't numb anymore" and being happy about it, but also wondering when it would go away again. I got this name from a yellow blanket that had white roses on it. It was given to me by my abuser, and I had it with me for a great deal of the abuse. I asked my mom to help me get rid of the blanket, by basically using it as the inside of another blanket. I didn't want to get rid of it. I wanted to remember, I just didn't want to remember it then. I also kept trying to convince my sister that the blanket was orange, not yellow, and at first I told her the roses were actually butterflies, and she wasn't supposed to call them anything else. Then I think I realized that wasn't working, so I made a plan to get rid of the blanket. Anyways. I had completely blocked out the abuse. I had no recollection of it at all. I'm 19 right now, so the abuse wasn't extremely recent, but also wasn't that long ago Around two months ago, my memories started to come back. I had no recollection of Rosy until a few days ago. I didn't even remember that there was a yellow blanket. And then some memories started to come up, about me looking for this girl named Rosy as a young kid, 2 or 3, and then finding her and getting scared. And slowly I started to recall this story of a girl named Rosy, who had black hair (my hair is blonde) who had been murdered by my abuser, and the yellow blanket had been hers before it had been mine. And then I remembered that I had put that blanket in another blanket. So I asked my mom if she had it, and she did. She gave it to me, and there was a cut in the side of it, I remembered making when I was little, because I wanted to see the ribbon on the blanket to see what was in it, which was white roses.

2019-09-28T12:00:46.000Z

daf34j

ptsd

I'm confused

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/daf34j/im_confused/

remineur

Hello, I've been diagnosed with ptsd for a traumatic event that happened 10 y ago, but i think that a child traumatic event that i can't remember caused me ptsd too, when i was at school i've been a really bad student , low score etc. But once in a while when my memory was crystal clear, teacher told me that i it's good to have a student like me cause i understand things really quickly. 99.9 % of the time, i didn't wanted to do anything at school, my mind was immersed in something else. I don't know if i was just lazy, or just random intelligence boost, or maybe ptsd ? I'm currently learning python language but my mind also seem to be blurry, i find some algorithm to be really hard to understand, i can't focus...

2019-09-28T10:54:44.000Z

daejc2

ptsd

Does PTSD impact intelligence/ cognitions ? ?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/daejc2/does_ptsd_impact_intelligence_cognitions/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-28T10:16:42.000Z

dae8py

ptsd

So I was just berated by several people and called manipulative for telling the story of what caused my PTSD saying I was manipulating for sympathy.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/dae8py/so_i_was_just_berated_by_several_people_and/

2hogwild

Had a meltdown because I was overwhelmed trying to get the family together for vacation trip. (Wife 3 kids girl 14 boy 6 girl 2.) Made my wife cry. Hate myself more by the hour. I can't sleep so I'm just ruminating on it and now I feel suicidal. I have a lot to live for so no worries. I just can't get out of this rut.

2019-09-28T07:26:23.000Z

dacxdo

ptsd

I almost ruined our vacation today

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/dacxdo/i_almost_ruined_our_vacation_today/

g10644278

Tw: hospitals/medical stuff/death At the age of 6 I had an NDE and it caused me to develop PTSD surrounded anything to do with hospitals and medicine. Now I’m 18 and in college and I’m trying desperately to recover from what happened but it is still as clear as it was almost 12 years ago. It happened when I was so young I don’t even know who I am without trauma. My parents say I was a completely different person before I got sick. Can I ever even really get better and recover when it’s ingrained into my the way I developed as a child? I just want to be able to live my life. I’m scared I’ll never recover.

2019-09-28T07:01:58.000Z

dacqkl

ptsd

I don’t know who I am without trauma

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/dacqkl/i_dont_know_who_i_am_without_trauma/

janaoq1

I've been having some issues with a girl that reminds me a lot of someone of my past. I have been getting negative emotions from all of our interactions, and she has been doing nothing wrong. I just keep recalling someone from a very traumatic situation, and she has some similar characteristics. She is living with me and my girlfriend for now and it's getting on my nerves everyday, then I feel guilty because she is not a bad person. I don't know what to do.

2019-09-28T07:01:00.000Z

dacqaj

ptsd

So, I don't know if anyone can help me...

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/dacqaj/so_i_dont_know_if_anyone_can_help_me/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-28T06:30:48.000Z

dachi2

ptsd

I keep just reliving it and reliving it over and over again when will this fucking stop

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/dachi2/i_keep_just_reliving_it_and_reliving_it_over_and/

kittenattack776

I've never been professionally seen(I've tried but it just never worked out). I can't say that I have ptsd or what is wrong with me but I didn't know where else to go. My mother died 2 years ago. It was unexpected. She had cancer but was doing very very well. One day she just didn't wake up. 2 months later my sister was in a fatal car crash and died. I've been up and down and all sorts of everywhere struggling with anxiety, depression, even suicidal thoughts. But I feel like I am in a better place now. Things are going well and I feel okay. But over the past month I've been having severe flashbacks. I'll be laying in bed and out of nowhere I'm at the grocery store holding my phone and hearing the words "she was in an accident, she didn't make it". Or I'll be driving and suddenly my mind changes to my boyfriend sitting me on the couch, telling me while I was gone he went into mom's room to wake her.. And she didn't wake up. Every detail of those moments are tattooed into my mind but it plays out so vividly. Having those strange flashbacks were normal for awhile but they would happen far in between. I used to have nightmares very regularly as well. But that all finally slowed down. But now these flashbacks are coming back and when it happens it sends me into a panic and I feel like they're dying all over again and I'm helpless to do anything. I get sick. I don't understand why this is happening again. For the most part I have felt so happy with my life lately. I guess I just thought I was over this part of the trauma and now I'm concerned my mental health will go downhill the way it did before...

2019-09-28T05:24:25.000Z

dabxgn

ptsd

Random severe flashbacks

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/dabxgn/random_severe_flashbacks/

RolltehDie

I get triggered by negligence. When someone neglects to do something, especially when they neglect to take care of someone they should be responsible for. Or when someone is intentionally cruel to others, especially when they should be taking care of them. For context I lost everything I owned, and almost my life in a house fire that was caused either by the landlord’s negligence or intentionally

2019-09-28T04:32:34.000Z

dabhcu

ptsd

Does anyone else get triggered by a concept?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/dabhcu/does_anyone_else_get_triggered_by_a_concept/

ilostmylenscap

I experience things that should make men cry. But I can’t get it out. I can’t get myself to cry. I try so hard. I don’t know why. I still feel things, sadness and joy sometimes. Hell, I got diagnosed with epilepsy today, they suspended my license, my life is forever changed. But all I can do is tear up. Nothing ever comes out fully. I’m just waiting for the breakdown to happen.

2019-09-28T04:10:06.000Z

dab9za

ptsd

It’s been so long since I’ve cried.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/dab9za/its_been_so_long_since_ive_cried/

dddulcie

2019-09-28T02:00:52.000Z

da9z6k

ptsd

Lately I’ve been uncharacteristically quick to anger, having nightmares, and a lot of panic and dissociation. Anyone else? What is going on with me?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/da9z6k/lately_ive_been_uncharacteristically_quick_to/

DNAMellieCase

Hey, So I am in my first semester at the university I'm attending and I'm already overwhelmed with panic and conversely, depression. I feel horrible anxiety, but yet don't feel like doing anything productive. I didn't go to lab today because I felt such horrific dread that I went to health services in tears because I thought I was going to fail all my classes and have to go back home where the trauma occured. I'm looking into more accomodations to ease the burden, but I'm also on the spectrum so advocating for myself isn't the easiest. I'm not failing my courses, but I know I could do better if I felt less fearful and sad. I am much better at walking by myself at night just to get to the convenience store on campus. I just don't want to be afraid of going back home where the pain came from or people judging me in class.

2019-09-28T02:00:11.000Z

da9yx4

ptsd

College stressors and PTSD

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/da9yx4/college_stressors_and_ptsd/

tinyshardsofme

I am so, so tired. This illness, condition... I feel so worn down. I wish I was somebody I’m not, someone who could take all of the trauma and “turn it into something good” but I’m drowning. I spend most of my day talking myself down off of whatever ledge I’m on, trying to seem like I’ve got my shit together. I’m going to therapy but I still feel so fucking anxious and genuinely scared most of the time. I’m trying so hard and today it feels like it’s all for nothing. I know I’ll feel better after I sleep but getting there is also very difficult these days.

2019-09-28T01:50:23.000Z

da9v8z

ptsd

Emotionally exhausted :(

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/da9v8z/emotionally_exhausted/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-28T00:40:00.000Z

da93td

ptsd

Just a little broad advice would be appreciated

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/da93td/just_a_little_broad_advice_would_be_appreciated/

Nightingale73

Maybe some of you in counselling know that often, a session begins with this questionnaire: I get along well with others, I feel stressed at work, I am angry when people criticize my drinking/drug use... etc., etc. I am having issues with it. It has never worked for me or accurately shown distress in a lifetime of on/off counselling. I just had my second session with a counsellor who said, "Most people in regular situations score around 60 for stress level, your ocq marks you at half as stressed as the average person. Do you have any thoughts about that?" (insert kindergarten teacher voice). I said, "Yes I do. That questionnaire assumes the majority of people respond to stress the same way. I work alone from home unless travelling (in media). I am an introvert so don't have conflict with others much. I don't use drugs or alcohol. But your quiz doesn't ask about different coping mechanisms like, today I was very heartbroken and I swam 80 lengths before work. I didn't eat enough. I cried in public a bit. I have raised 5 kids alone. I go, go, go. When I am triggered, I crash and everything hurts. But I am at home. Nobody sees me. I read. I watch shows. I cry. I wish I could disappear. I can't trust people. I don't believe I am lovable. I wouldn't be here if I wasn't in distress." Her answer? Well of course we wouldn't turn you away... And once again in life, I felt that even there, with a registered psychologist, I didn't fit. Just the way in childhood when I asked for help, it was ignored because I didn't look like an orphan and my dad had a very public position. The same way my church leaders used to say to hold my abusive marriage together at all costs because we seemed like a beautiful family ( I left both the religion and the marriage). I came home frustrated and upset. Not all of us show things outwardly. Some of us cope by overdoing which is just as harmful to our health. Maybe I can refuse to take it this week. Maybe I can tell her that I already feel like my trauma, which we haven't even touched on yet, is being downplayed because I happen to appear high functioning. I don't know. Maybe I am being a jerk. Ironic to be triggered in the place I am hoping to learn to mitigate triggers.

2019-09-28T00:35:42.000Z

da927s

ptsd

Counselling & OC Questionnaire issues

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/da927s/counselling_oc_questionnaire_issues/

[deleted]

First thing first, I understand when people see the word "accommodation", they will think this person must be using an excuse or taking the hard work from others. But you understand that we really have the disability. I know some of you may tell me to talk to my teacher speiclist. I will but I feel she is not helping me because she does not understand my disability. In my speech class, I can not have eyes contact with the student. I feel uncomfortable. Thus, do you guys use the accommodation for your disability like PTSD?

2019-09-27T23:46:07.000Z

da8i44

ptsd

Hi, as a student taking speech class. What kind of accommodation do you use?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/da8i44/hi_as_a_student_taking_speech_class_what_kind_of/

Desigado

I went to my doctor having issues with getting irrationally angry and not being able to control it, but being aware of it. Told her about some other issues while I was there, and she instantly looked concerned about the constant nightmares etc. and asked if I had any past trauma. I said I did and I told her what happened. (Not going in to that unless asked, I don’t want to have to TW this) She prescribed an antidepressant and said it was probably just depression. I’ve been writing a paper for a college English class on PTSD and I can’t shake that I have basically EVERY SINGLE symptom listed anywhere I’ve looked. By these resources’ definitions, I should be diagnosed with PTSD. Though I absolutely do not want to self diagnose so I keep brushing it off. Tonight the person that caused my PTSD spoke to me and some of their anger issues that were a problem in the past were VERY relevant. I had problems breathing and just sobbed when I left. I could not control it at all. It’s been about 30min and I’m still really upset. This is the first time in a few months that I have not been able to face that person without an adverse reaction. The last time there was shaking etc. it was last spring. I am in an incredibly rural area, and don’t know of any psychiatrists in the area that are any good. The one I do know of has a horrible reputation for making situations worse. Is this something that a regular doctor WOULD be able to diagnose, or do I need to try to find a decent psychiatrist? Can anyone give me some more guidance on the subject?

2019-09-27T23:33:32.000Z

da8d1u

ptsd

Diagnosis?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/da8d1u/diagnosis/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-27T23:05:56.000Z

da81l5

ptsd

On days I end up loving and “feeling” myself, I also end up feeling so down and negative for thinking so highly and acting so goofy. And I being myself? Because I sometimes don’t like just being who I am even when I come out of my shell.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/da81l5/on_days_i_end_up_loving_and_feeling_myself_i_also/

Girafesarefab

2019-09-27T22:39:46.000Z

da7qe9

ptsd

It’s so hard going back to being a horrifically abused little kid every night that no one wants and then waking up bouncing back as an adult no one wants. I just wish I had a mom and dad that loved me :(

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/da7qe9/its_so_hard_going_back_to_being_a_horrifically/

Username_tAiken

I am a survivor of sexual assault. I have PTSD as a result of an aggressive groping. My parents blame survivors for their assault, so I struggle to accept that it wasn't my fault. So please validate me ❤️ *** Groping is so normalized by our male dominated society. Groping is not normal. I'm a trans woman. Early in transition it is nice to get attention. Heck, catcalling can feel gender affirming. Only later in transition does the threat of catcalling become apparent. When someone touches you without your consent, it is not a compliment. It is an act of violence. It is an act of patriarchal control. What you wear does not matter. You could be fucking naked and it doesn't make it okay. You did not ask for it. You did not agree. Even if you didn't say anything, or didn't fight back, you still didn't ask for it. You were still violated. Responsibility is not on the survivor of assault. Survivors don't have to do anything prevent the assaulter. The assaulter should have never assaulted. It was never asked for. This male dominant system puts the blame on the survivor to defend it's violence. To perpetuate it's dominance. Saying it is normal, the survivors fault, and or a compliment, is rape culture. If you have been affected by this too, know that you are strong. If all you can do is collapse and cry, you are still strong. You have survived such an extreme theft of autonomy. And you continue on. And it can be really hard to do so. But you still feel it. Each day you work to tear him from you. It's a battle. With therapy, it gets easier. You begin to win that battle. Slowly. *** Yes women assaulters exist, not all men are bad, etc. That's not the focus of this post. This post is based or my experience.

2019-09-27T18:36:57.000Z

da4krp

ptsd

It is not normal. It is not a compliment. It is not your fault. TW: SA

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/da4krp/it_is_not_normal_it_is_not_a_compliment_it_is_not/

throwaway052619

From day one I was honest with my husband about PTSD and everything that comes with it. 3 years and a wedding later, it’s wearing him down. He’s started talking about he hates that he can never make me feel happy and that it’s making him have suicidal thoughts himself. I don’t know what to do for him. I can’t help myself, and I feel like I should run to protect him from me. I can’t pull myself out of this mess and now I realized I’ve dragged him into it too. I never ever wanted that and love him completely. Therapy or treatment is impossible as we can’t afford it. I’m so lost and scared. I don’t know if this is a vent, cry for help, or me giving up. I don’t know what to do.

2019-09-27T17:30:51.000Z

da3owp

ptsd

I feel like I shouldn’t’ve gotten married and I am the problem

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/da3owp/i_feel_like_i_shouldntve_gotten_married_and_i_am/

StephPowell31

So I'm a paeds cardiac respiratory nurse and I had a panic attack yesterday and had to go home. This has never happened at work before. A patients parent triggered me because she said she was a therapist specialising in ptsd and trauma. She said that revisiting memories retraumatises the patient and it shouldn't be done unless expressly necessary. Very long story short, I am dealing with everything she was talking about and it triggered me. I felt exposed and confused and embarrassed. Of course I hadn't disclosed anything to her about me, which made it more uncanny that she would say exactly what I'm going through. I felt a panic attack coming on but I couldnt leave the bay as I was the only nurse and you cant leave ventilated kids. I bleeped the nurse in charge and the runner to come but they didn't. By the time they got there I shot out of the room and was in a full blown panic attack. Today my manager called and was suggesting I take 6 months off to 'recover'. She wants to speak to my therapist. This is far from what I want. I don't think it's necessary to be off that long and I don't think it would help at all. I live alone so I have nothing but time in my head which is the worst place to be when I'm home. Everything just feels like it's completely out of my control. I had 1 freak out now I feel like I'm losing my freedom to choose.

2019-09-27T16:02:55.000Z

da2hf2

ptsd

Panic attack at work! They want me to leave.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/da2hf2/panic_attack_at_work_they_want_me_to_leave/

pheonixkit

I was physically abused as a child a lot, and a lot of it involved unprompted blows to the back of the head/back, over half a year ago i had a "teacher" that i didnt know during my ap saturday touch my back and then yell "now everyone say, 'Mr marx, we will not use our phones "" to the whole class, even though it was a saturday study session... and there was no mention of phone usage, and this event made me spiral into the worst ptsd events of my life, to the point that i had to take over a week off of school because every time i walked in the hallways they would morph into the hallways i was beaten in, and i would hear my 8 year old self screaming "Please stop, NO!" Over and over, and any form of unexpected physical contact would cause flashbacks. But over the summer i cut my abusers out of my life, and did a lot of meditation, and when i went to college, i reconnected with one of my friends from orientation, he is a really sweet guy, but he does the back pats and pokes to let you know he is there or he is leaving, but i let him do it without a warning... and didnt have any flashbacks!!!! This is probably a really minor thing, but it is a big change for me.

2019-09-27T13:39:16.000Z

da0js5

ptsd

I let my friend touch my back!!!!! <tw physical abuse>

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/da0js5/i_let_my_friend_touch_my_back_tw_physical_abuse/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-27T13:08:29.000Z

da05xc

ptsd

Angry with people’s reaction to PTSD

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/da05xc/angry_with_peoples_reaction_to_ptsd/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-27T11:35:02.000Z

d9z3nx

ptsd

Anger management (PTSD rage)

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d9z3nx/anger_management_ptsd_rage/

shimapie

Dated this pedo woman when I was underage and I was abused by her a lot of the time. I tried committing suicide before but failed and was sent to the hospital for my wounds. Was sent to the psych ward after around the time I dated that woman. She had a propensity for young boys around 11-12. And disliked guys around their early to mid 20s. This might sound stupid but the older I get the more I'm reminded of her from when I was younger. I feel very stunted and scared being older now. I feel like my entire value as a human being is nothing and that I'm old and used. I don't feel like I can identify well with anyone my age. Even with people who share the same hobbies as me. I can't handle dating and I'm always reminded of that person. I'm going to be 20 in a few months. I don't know if I can really go on for long in the future. I feel like I'm going through the world alone. I've met people with ptsd but I guess not necessarily ones who have been through similar experiences like me. I don't know what to do right now either. My therapist said trauma can take years to recover from and it is eased with time. But she quit sadly the next time I tried visiting her. I'm sure a lot of you guys could have went through something similar with someone like an abusive parent or whoever. What are some of your experiences on it? Sorry if my post is cruddy. Just needed someone to talk to. I live in an empty desert town. So there isn't anyone to talk to really.

2019-09-27T05:23:17.000Z

d9vuie

ptsd

Feel like my life is being controlled by the memories of the person who traumatized me.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d9vuie/feel_like_my_life_is_being_controlled_by_the/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-27T04:03:30.000Z

d9v2dr

ptsd

Glock Looks Enticing

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d9v2dr/glock_looks_enticing/

iaobd

If you go see a therapist, I am sure you have heard of this. If not, please watch this. Or watch this to remember. https://youtu.be/RybY4zIecQ4

2019-09-27T04:01:25.000Z

d9v1g1

ptsd

Please watch this.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d9v1g1/please_watch_this/

hooloovooblues

I need to work on not viewing other people as inherently manipulative. While I recognize that doing so is absolutely central to so many of my problems with others, oh boy do I feel like this goal is going to fall into the "long term" category. I am absolutely hypervigilant to the point of paranoia about fearing being manipulated. Also, another nugget of truth from my session: There's a person in my cohort that keeps doing things that make me a little uncomfortable and it's causing me stress, but I'm not sure if it's intentional, so I'm trying to avoid making a fuss. My therapist asked me, "So what are you doing to prioritize your needs when these things happen? His comfort isn't more important than your needs." And I just had to be like, "Well shit now that you're making me think about it uhh nothing." He's an insightful dude, my therapist. Always asking pointed questions that make me think about things and come to realizations myself.

2019-09-27T03:30:05.000Z

d9uppm

ptsd

Today's therapy takeaway

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d9uppm/todays_therapy_takeaway/

throwaway01837363819

2019-09-27T02:50:07.000Z

d9ua8j

ptsd

I don’t understand when some sources say that PTSD is not curable but it is possible to see all symptoms resolve. Don’t those statements contradict each other?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d9ua8j/i_dont_understand_when_some_sources_say_that_ptsd/

shantamichelle

I’ll preface by saying that I’m scheduling an appointment with my physician tomorrow to discuss with him, but I would like some first-hand experiences from all of you. I have PTSD due to childhood traumas, sexual traumas, and domestic abuse. I’m currently in therapy and fast approaching sessions dedicated to EMDR. During my session today, my therapist recommended I start using an anti-anxiety but one that isn’t a benzo, like Xanax, otherwise it could interfere with the EMDR sessions. I have been on Xanax before for postpartum depression and hated it anyway. I’ve also been on Wellbutrin and it made me paranoid. Aside from those two, I have no idea what’s out there. Anyone else couple non-benzos with EMDR and had success? UPDATE: I was put on Celexa today. Here’s hopin’! Also, apparently I wasn’t on Xanax before, I was on Zoloft when I had auditory hallucinations. Steered clear of that, for sure!

2019-09-27T02:45:40.000Z

d9u8fs

ptsd

Anti-anxiety that isn’t a benzo?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d9u8fs/antianxiety_that_isnt_a_benzo/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-27T02:42:29.000Z

d9u75s

ptsd

My therapist mentioned I may have PTSD: question? Your experience.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d9u75s/my_therapist_mentioned_i_may_have_ptsd_question/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-27T00:51:57.000Z

d9sx8i

ptsd

Quitting Therapy

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d9sx8i/quitting_therapy/

autumnaster

What are other people's thoughts on folks using "trauma" to refer to their bad hair day, or any emotional pain, or an unpleasant experience? Same for "trigger" meaning literally any negative stimulus. I think it's coming from a broader ignorance in our culture of what trauma and PTSD are. Some awareness has seeped into mainstream understanding, but just enough to be annoying. Frankly, it's invalidating and pretty insulting to equate a trauma experience with a bad day, and I would love to address this in my own sphere of people. I've been seeing this a lot in conversations with friends, and also in the social internet. I do take their pain seriously, and calling them out usually doesn't feel appropriate when they're, like, crying about said pain. Does anyone have good tactics for kindly engaging friends/loved ones on this?

2019-09-27T00:27:59.000Z

d9sngr

ptsd

mis/overuse of "trauma" in regular convo

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d9sngr/misoveruse_of_trauma_in_regular_convo/

akey4theocean

I feel bad discussing my PTSD since I haven’t been officially dx’d but my therapist has mentioned it several times. I’ve gone through several stressful events in my life. But non I felt garnered a PTSD diagnosis. Even the events that occurred several years ago that haunt me, I feel guilty complaining about because I didn’t lose a child, I kept my job, etc. However, my symptoms that I experience now, are in line. So, what I am here for and my question is, I am a single mom. About 7 years ago I went through a tumultuous divorce. It was awful. I was left with no money. Nothing. I was going through a custody battle and struggling to keep it together at work. At work I was accused of horrible things (later proven to be untrue, thank you Jesus). I couldn’t sleep. Had a hard time paying bills. The power bill and water were turned off several times over the years and I just couldn’t get my head above water. I felt like I was going to lose it. One day I was driving the car my ex said he would let me keep only to report it stolen and I was arrested. Granted, I called my divorce attorney and he straightened it out before I was booked, but I still had to call someone to get my kids. It was just a sad, sad time. It was a time I loved being with my kids. I did everything, and I mean everything I could to make their life the best. When the power bill was too much to pay but a hotel was more affordable? We’d go stay at a hotel. I made it as fun as I could. I would always make sure they veggies on their plates at dinner with whatever I fed them. I remember it was one small thing that made me feel I was doing something ok. So now I’ve come out on the other side. My kids are teens now and through we are not rich. We are comfortable. However, almost daily I think about that time and feel this extreme guilt and sadness. I failed them. Why did I have to get to that point!? Why did I marry again? It haunts me. It slowly chops away at me. I spend my days grasping at seconds with them. I am fighting to make up that time for them. Why can’t I just say “It happened. It’s part of life. Move on.” But I can’t. I feel like I failed those poor babies that I look at in the pictures so so badly. Can someone shed some light here? Why I keep revisiting this? Thank you.

2019-09-26T22:33:09.000Z

d9r5na

ptsd

Does anyone else do this? Kids or not? With people you love in general?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d9r5na/does_anyone_else_do_this_kids_or_not_with_people/

LonelyAssignment

How do i get into the discord chat?I clicked on the link but it says i have to message a moderator to be able to message.i did that days ago but still cannot get in,help!

2019-09-26T19:21:21.000Z

d9of6m

ptsd

DISCORD CHAT

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d9of6m/discord_chat/

Newmannnnnnn

First treatment in 17 years that has made a difference. Somehow when I encounter a trigger, it provides a buffer between my thoughts and my body's reaction. I usually lose entire days because of anger after triggers. Feels like I've got a safety on the gun now. If you're struggling and suicidal like I've been for years, look up your local pain and spine clinic and ask if they do the stellate ganglion block for PTSD. I've only done one round so far and notice a huge difference. I'm posting this because I haven't been able to find anyone on reddit that has done the block and reported back. So far one week after the first shot and I'm doing better than I've done in a long time

2019-09-26T18:56:08.000Z

d9o2z1

ptsd

Wow. Get the stellate ganglion block

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d9o2z1/wow_get_the_stellate_ganglion_block/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-26T18:52:04.000Z

d9o0yd

ptsd

Something

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d9o0yd/something/

throw-away6473

I hate how many people I know makes jokes about how I cant sleep or they make jokes about what happened to me. I go nights where I'll get at most 2 hours of sleep and I can't do anything about it because I either cannot fall back asleep or be asleep very long before having an "episode" of sorts and being wide awake again. I'm so irrationally angry at these same people as well and I know not to lash out but it's so hard to ignore it.

2019-09-26T18:28:21.000Z

d9noq0

ptsd

Does nobody take your struggling seriously?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d9noq0/does_nobody_take_your_struggling_seriously/

[deleted]

Long story short, I’ve been going to therapy for years. I’ve told my mom and sister about how I feel and they’ve always said I was dramatic. I’ve never been able to have emotions. So my sister (late 30s) just started therapy. She talks to me about her sessions and I’m happy she’s getting help, but I can’t help but feel cheated because she can have emotions. I feel like she can feel things and it’s validated but I can’t. I’m stuck. My head hurts from all this and I’m dissociating a lot. What can I do? Someone help :(

2019-09-26T17:49:00.000Z

d9n553

ptsd

Sister who can’t have emotions

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d9n553/sister_who_cant_have_emotions/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-26T12:59:01.000Z

d9japv

ptsd

finally told my boyfriend about my csa trauma (tw?)

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d9japv/finally_told_my_boyfriend_about_my_csa_trauma_tw/

WaffleNomz

I had a very strange and kinda scary bout of dissociation this morning. I had a kinda rough night, but I was doing our regular morning thing (get up with my boyfriend at 6, make us breakfast, put his meds and sandwich in baggies, kiss him goodbye, etc.) when I realized I had "zonked out" and made 2 PB&J's how we each like them, bagged my boyfriend's, and drew a heart on the bag (I usually write/draw cutesy shit). I remember getting the bread down from on top of the fridge and putting my 2 slices in the toaster, then my boyfriend walked in the kitchen and started rubbing my back. I "snapped out of it" at his touch and saw everything done. As he was walking out the door, I asked if something was written on his sandwich (the sharpie was by the toaster, not its usual spot) and he said "Yeah, a heart. Why?" So I told him I didn't remember doing any of that. He said I was probably just still waking up, and not to worry myself too much. But I'd been up since 4ish (this was at 6:30-ish). It's happened to me before, but mostly kind of going "on autopilot" while driving, and only realizing I'm at my destination when trying to park, or blank staring at the wall/floor while watching TV or talking to someone (or rather listening to them talk). So, that brings me to my question to you all: What's your "Dissociation Story"? What was a big one that you did things you don't remember?

2019-09-26T12:48:46.000Z

d9j6d4

ptsd

Dissociation stories?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d9j6d4/dissociation_stories/

remineur

Hello, i've been diagnosed with "PTSD", even if i think my therapist is wrong , i have not really flashback, but i see the guy face everytime, i'm not 5 min free without seeing his f\*\*\*\*\* face, there is no really trigger, i can't find my "trauma" : I wanted to get off the bus, a guy pulled my bag, I couldn't remove my bag that was stuck in the bus door because of the guy. The driver started driving, there was a car parked nearby, in my head I think that i thought I was going to die. How could such a small event cause PTSD, can't be right ? thank you

2019-09-26T12:20:25.000Z

d9iux6

ptsd

don't know what triggers it

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d9iux6/dont_know_what_triggers_it/

tobecontinued89

Have you had to call in sick or rearrange plans or anything like that? Or just lost time trying to get a hang on yourself? Or did you just push through, however hard? Kinda struggling this week in particular. Still doing things, just I think less then usual. And I just feel kind of off. Like my trauma has been on my mind a lot, just really close to the surface and I find myself zoning out a lot, finding tasks harder to concentrate on. Not sure what I need or why this week specifically, just needed talk about this. Update: having rough day mentally and physically. Not sure which one started things and then affected the other, but regardless I'm weak and feverish and so on so I took half a day off to rest before it gets to a point where I have no choice. Trying not to feel guilty, so it really helps having this thread and reading all responses in bed. Very thankful for this sub right now. ❤️

2019-09-26T11:26:13.000Z

d9ial5

ptsd

Have you ever missed a day because of PTSD(triggers, symptoms etc)?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d9ial5/have_you_ever_missed_a_day_because_of/

syllableddot

So, I left my abusive parents to move in with my fiancé and I’d finally started therapy. I finally started opening up. I was doing great. He’s been supporting me, and I’d never been happier. But after my stay on Thursday, he delayed our marriage. I’m shattered and he’s taking me to couple’s counseling. I know it’s been only two sessions but I feel constantly like I’m being accused of fucking it up when I’ve been working my hardest. And now I’m having trust issues and emotional issues. I’m fucked up. My heart is broken and I feel like I’m on square one. I regret getting out of my abusive situation because at least I had something to call my own. I gave up everything to escape because I trusted him. I love him still but my heart is broken and I don’t know if anything is repairable.

2019-09-26T05:40:06.000Z

d9fdpj

ptsd

My life feels shit

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d9fdpj/my_life_feels_shit/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-26T04:20:56.000Z

d9ems0

ptsd

TW child sexual abuse; Social media is disgusting

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d9ems0/tw_child_sexual_abuse_social_media_is_disgusting/

_terpsi

Hi... is my first time here so I am pretty nervous, none of my friends or people I know have PTSD so I feel pretty lost because I don't know if I am getting worst or is just that I don't have anything to compare with. My nightmares are back and they are driving me crazy. Is the same event (Second sexual assault), but each time is someone different even people I know that they would never hurt me... is this normal? I can’t control them... I am just so tired every day because of them. Any recommendations? I am doing oil diffusers with some lavender at night and therapy but my nightmares are getting more and more real. Help.

2019-09-26T04:17:53.000Z

d9elp7

ptsd

21F // PTSD (sexual abuse)

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d9elp7/21f_ptsd_sexual_abuse/

idkwhattowritehere21

Hi all! I’ve been reading a lot of these posts and wanted to talk to people who understand. I’ve been having dreams about my trauma, except I don’t remember the dreams. The only reason I know is I sleep at my friends house every once in a while, and he tells me I’ll scream in the middle of the night, mostly “no” and the guys name, as well as saying “don’t touch me” sometimes. Does this happen to anyone else?

2019-09-26T03:38:11.000Z

d9e71b

ptsd

Dreams

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d9e71b/dreams/

orangeleaves_

so growing up I was the oldest but “hardest” kid to raise. I struggle with a learning disability and ocd so things that would come easy to others wouldn’t come easy to me. I would get things wrong all the time or I wouldn’t do what I was told not because i didn’t want to but because it took me awhile to get the task done or I wouldn’t hear them correctly or I would forget to do it in a short period of time because of my learning disability. The one person in my family would get so frustrated by me they would “discipline” me. (I’m not going to name that adult I’ll just call them X) I remember when they would “discipline” me it would be to the extreme. I remember one time I came home from school and i did something wrong and as a result they would make me stand in the corner for hours and stand on top of my feet for 10+ minutes. I was crying in pain because they were 200+ pounds and all of that pressure on my feet was extremely painful. Anytime I would try to sit back down they would tell me more time was added in me standing in the corner. Another time I remember was I was taking a bath and I guess I didn’t do something right and they Came in and put my head under running water and I couldn’t breathe every time I tried getting back up they would just keep putting my head down underwaterand on top of that they would put conditioner/soap in my mouth over and over again especially when I tried to say stop. I remember another time I would get these horrible spankens with a belt and had to take down my pants and they would hit me so hard I would have red/bruising and couldn’t go to sleep because it hurt so badly. Spankens were I was left with bruising would happen all throughout my life until I was 17. I remember one time I was sleeping and they came busting thru the door with a belt and they would hit me so hard over and over again for what seemed like forever I would try and cover my body up with my covers but thy would just take them off and continue. I remember one time they had literally chocked me to the point I could not breathe and my sister had to say stop. This happened more than once I was also hit with a huge spoon multiple times wether it was on the head or my back They also pulled my hair all the time when “disciplining” me which has had the most effect on me because whenever someone’s behind me I think they are going to pull my hair. The things I typed were just a few examples of what they did. And for some reason they only ever did this to me but not my siblings. This person is still in my life and I am so hurt and angry with them because it’s like they are two different people they seem to love me but then I remember all the horrible things they did and it confuses me so much. im in a sticky situation now were I need their help and it feels like I have no way out. I just wish they could have been the lovin’ person they are know to me when I was growing up. I love them dearly which confuses me because I am still so angry and hurt I feel like the only reason they stopped when I was 17 (I am 20 now) is because my therapist saw bruising and decided to report them to CPS. I’m so disgusted because I remember when I was little I would hate myself so much and be up writing suicide notes (when I was like 10) because I wanted to escape the pain. Idk if this was abuse because I know people who have had it much worse and I feel guilty for thinking it is but idk maybe it was discipline I still find myself saying I should have been better but I know it wasn’t my fault. I feel stupid for being so weak. The people in my family who knows that this happened to me think I’m dramatic and that I’m tried to ruin X’s life by pulling unnecessary shit to cause trouble. They were never there tho and never witnessed anything so it hurts.

2019-09-26T03:00:30.000Z

d9dsi5

ptsd

was this discipline or abuse?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d9dsi5/was_this_discipline_or_abuse/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-26T02:48:15.000Z

d9dnm8

ptsd

Doing well and then a stalker contacted me after 5 years. In EMDR therapy today me and my therapist decided it’s time to get a restraining order. My brain is fried and I’m afraid to mess this up. Any tips?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d9dnm8/doing_well_and_then_a_stalker_contacted_me_after/

Str3ssT3std

I just wanted to tell you all thanks. 42/m, just diagnosed with CPTSD in June. Joined up here & r/CPTSD because I wondered if all of this was in my head, doubted my diagnosis & didn't want to believe it, & felt like the only person in the world who was this messed up. I've read your stories & problems & thought "Hey, that's totally me!" more times than I can count. When I post, I get immediate support that my family can't provide because they don't understand & thankfully don't suffer from this. You do understand. 24/7, from all around the world, every gender/age group/race/social class/sexual orientation & any other group of humanity out there. I go to therapy 2-5 times a month as I can schedule or afford it. I come here 2-5 times a day, at least. If I'm up awake at 2am, you're there. When I'm having a rough day at work & hiding out in a bathroom stall, you understand why. When I have family & interpersonal issues, you get it. Nobody tells me anything here is my fault in any way, ever. Thanks, everyone, even you lurkers who never post or reply. We understand that, too.

2019-09-26T02:32:21.000Z

d9dh3r

ptsd

Thanks, you're helping me

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d9dh3r/thanks_youre_helping_me/

kurokurokid

so i was abused as a child and i have a huge fear of being hurt /attacked ect. bonderlands 3 just came out, which is a game i played and grew up with. i just got it and the first boss battle triggered my ptsd so bad bc it was running at me. i was shaking and crying and had to take a break completely. does anyone have any tips for overcoming this ? i want to be able to enjoy one of the only good things from my childhood.

2019-09-26T02:11:44.000Z

d9d8nv

ptsd

video games causing PTSD

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d9d8nv/video_games_causing_ptsd/

lemons264

It sounds cliche but I feel like a burden on everyone and on the world

2019-09-26T02:09:13.000Z

d9d7pq

ptsd

Help

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d9d7pq/help/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-26T02:00:15.000Z

d9d3xv

ptsd

Fuck

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d9d3xv/fuck/

[deleted]

so recently i've been having nightmares nearly every night which is as fun as it sounds, but it's actually kind of rare that they're replays of any of the key traumatic events in my life. very often there are elements of those things that show up or they're sort of thematically linked to some of the triggers/issues i have as a result of trauma, but narratively they often aren't about the events themselves. i'm wondering if these still count as PTSD nightmares if they're about something other than the PTSD-causing incidents, i am diagnosed PTSD, but might it just mean that i'm naturally inclined to nightmares (i used to have them as a little kid too, and since the PTSD incident i tend to go through phases of a few months of having them)? should i approach the ones about other stuff differently than the flashback-type dreams? i know nobody can answer the cause of them for sure but if anyone else has any general experience/insight that would help - i almost feel like they shouldn't count or are less serious because they're not about a "real" thing, but i wake up like 1-3 times during the night in absolute terror so it still fuckin sucks

2019-09-26T00:19:42.000Z

d9bx9w

ptsd

nightmares that aren't about traumatic event - are they related to PTSD or something else?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d9bx9w/nightmares_that_arent_about_traumatic_event_are/

[deleted]

My therapist wants me to think about and work on centering practices. I feel like a perpetual motion machine and like I don't have any time or space to drop and just exist as a human being and not as a human doing. I live in a cramped apartment in a big city with roommates who are *always home* and I am their prime source of social activity. I work a job that is client facing and intense. I have hobbies - acting, playing DnD - and friends but it's all going and doing and performing. When my husband was alive, in the evening we would often light candles and incense, put on soft music and just read. But we lived out in the country where it wasn't constantly interrupted by sirens and cars and people on the street. Even in my room alone I don't feel alone. My roommates have banned incense of any kind. They tried banning all scents and candles but I put my foot down. I used to drive out to a trail head and just hike for an hour after work to clear my head but that isn't an option of any kind right now. When we lived outside the city by the river I would walk my dog for miles along the river. Also not an option. My therapist suggested church but I am a gay trans pagan and I don't know of any Catholic Churches nearby who would be cool with a gay trans man in their midst. (I am polite enough to be polite to Jesus in his own house.) I am not setting foot in a Protestant church. My insurance is through the state so I can't move back to where I used to live, if I found the money. The suburbs in this state around the city are not well connected and getting to work would be an issue, so I am trapped in a loud noisy city that aggravates. I don't have a religious church or temple for refuge. I am stretched too thin.

2019-09-25T21:24:30.000Z

d99tou

ptsd

Centering Practices

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d99tou/centering_practices/

Geneieve_Lorelei

I was raped and beaten by my bio father (Kenny) when I was a child, and sometimes I can hear his voice or feel him touching me when I have an attack. Like I feel his fingers clutching my throat or hear him whispering about how much he loves me when I'm alone. Is this normal for someone with PTSD? My boyfriend wants me to get tested for schizophrenia.

2019-09-25T20:50:38.000Z

d99egt

ptsd

Is it normal to hear the voice of your abuser in your head?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d99egt/is_it_normal_to_hear_the_voice_of_your_abuser_in/

belughh

I’m starting a session with my therapist to tackle my trauma, and she calls the method ‘revisiting’ where i have to enter the memory and speak on everything happening, and then listen to the recording of it over and over. I’m terrified to have to do this, i’ve never spoken out loud about what happened, and i know its going to be horrible but its for the good. does anyone know what i should expect, or how horrible it is, or how to prepare?

2019-09-25T19:23:07.000Z

d985pi

ptsd

I start trauma therapy in a few weeks

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d985pi/i_start_trauma_therapy_in_a_few_weeks/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-25T19:05:40.000Z

d97wzd

ptsd

I thought my ptsd was fading away but it came back right at me like a punch in the guts.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d97wzd/i_thought_my_ptsd_was_fading_away_but_it_came/

2hogwild

I feel like a burden on my wife. Recently diagnosed but was living with major symptoms since 2007. Just want to piece myself back together for my family.

2019-09-25T18:40:37.000Z

d97jyy

ptsd

Shrugs

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d97jyy/shrugs/

inkedandnerdy

My mind hurts. My body hurts. I broke down and texted a crisis hotline. I'm happy I reached out, but I'm annoyed I'm having this bad of a day so long after my trauma. I'm sad I think I make progress and then this happens and I shut down to everyone.

2019-09-25T17:33:57.000Z

d96mf5

ptsd

Today is a bad day

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d96mf5/today_is_a_bad_day/

sevastra000

I never believed my past was traumatic enough to bring on a PTSD diagnosis. I'm no stranger to mental health services, but I'm actually shocked about this one. Even though the history and the symptoms match up and it makes complete sense, I'm still in utter disbelief. All I can think is that I didn't have nearly as severe or as many traumatic experiences as someone else with PTSD. I feel like a fraud even though a medical professional diagnosed me.

2019-09-25T16:55:29.000Z

d9637h

ptsd

Diagnosed yesterday

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d9637h/diagnosed_yesterday/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-25T16:25:44.000Z

d95o2d

ptsd

Is it normal for EMDR therapy to feel dizzy and disassociated the next day?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d95o2d/is_it_normal_for_emdr_therapy_to_feel_dizzy_and/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-25T14:19:30.000Z

d93xp5

ptsd

How do you get through a triggering assignment?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d93xp5/how_do_you_get_through_a_triggering_assignment/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-09-25T14:15:51.000Z

d93w00

ptsd

I forgot where I was for a split second while having a ptsd episode in the shower.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d93w00/i_forgot_where_i_was_for_a_split_second_while/

OL_TEAM

My event, events, were over the period of 4 years, mainly from November to April. And quite a few throughout the rest of the year. I'm still new to posting here, so forgive me if I say anything wrong. Met two friends a few years ago. The coolest people, would give you the shirt of their back. They became part of my family, more time I spent with them the more I realize that they argue from waking up to falling asleep. I was so passionate about the direction of my life, just turned 27, full ride to become a full time snowboarder. So I dealt with it, just kept my mouth shut. I hold in, and vent to anyone who will listen. I spent about 180+ days of the year with them. Continual arguments never physical that I know of. I would always leave to get away. Out of those 180+ days a year I was always on guard to make sure I didn't do anything wrong, even it it was correct. Example ( hands me a rifle, first thing I do is check to see it I was loaded, force of habbit even though I'm rarely around guns.) It jams a round as I was checking. I carefully handed it back to him to let him take care of it... instead he flys off the handle screaming at me for being in the wrong. This has happened to me over journalist on CNN. He gets mad, at the TV and takes it out on whoever's in the room. The multitude of verbal confrontations I have witnessed from 26-30, have been the worst 4 years of my life. I have cerebral palsy aswell, which is absolutely nothing compared to this guy. I went from the top of my snowboarding career and put it in the dumpster. I cannot think about snowboarding without being triggered. I jump when someone knocks on my door. I change my sleep schedule to sleep during the day after everyone that could ask me to ride can't because I'm sleeping. I'll be in the middle of a game of chess, and will have different arguments I remember over the years, causing all my focus to be gone and end up throwing the game to deal with the flashbacks of events. I can only assume that all of that has lead me to where I am now. My childhood was more than you could ask for. Parents didn't argue every waking moment. Thanks for reading my story, maybe help shed light on the fact just being a witness to these events has caused so much to change

2019-09-25T09:53:14.000Z

d911y0

ptsd

I was a wintness/target for verbal confrontations over the last few years

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d911y0/i_was_a_wintnesstarget_for_verbal_confrontations/

SHThrowAway213

I can't do it, it makes me so uncomfortable. These problems started after I was assaulted a few months ago. All he did was grope me and kiss me, it wasn't that bad, I've had worse done to me. But it had brought up a lot of memories for me, and I'm getting flashbacks. My husband is getting very sexually frustrated. I understand why, it's not an ideal situation to be in. I have given him permission to get sexual stuff from other sources /people but he doesn't want to do that. I don't know what to do.

2019-09-25T09:14:34.000Z

d90qra

ptsd

I can't do sexual stuff with my husband anymore, and I think it's going to drive us apart.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d90qra/i_cant_do_sexual_stuff_with_my_husband_anymore/

Str3ssT3std

I asked my psychiatrist today whether or not medical marijuana would be appropriate for me, since it's soon-to-legal here. She really surprised me & said I'd be an excellent candidate & would be happy to help me once the state process is up & running. I don't want to spend my life on Xanax. I used a lot of weed to self-medicate for years in the past, but quit due to the anxiety of potential jail, losing my job, & hanging out with shady people to get it. From what I saw in AZ, none of those things would be a factor if I had a card. Although, due to the Federal ban technicality, I would most likely have to change employers. Anybody using prescribed medical marijuana? Is it helping? Hurting? No difference? Edit: typo

2019-09-25T07:44:31.000Z

d902a0

ptsd

Medical Marijuana?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d902a0/medical_marijuana/

haushinkaslove

I've been in three car accidents since moving across the country nearly 3 years ago. Two major. The first one a young kid was driving too fast around a corner, slammed into the driver's side door. It sustained decent damage and had to be replaced, but we were okay. Then almost exactly a year later, we were in a multi car accident with the same car. A woman in front of us didn't slow down for a backed up turn lane, pushed the car she hit into oncoming traffic, which made oncoming traffic slam into us. My car was totaled, and the woman who caused it fled the scene. We we're relatively okay besides deep muscle bruising. We hadn't really gone anywhere since. I got a new car to replace the first one, and not 4 months later it gets totaled. We were driving home and a major off ramp was backed up. We slowed down in plenty of time, sat there for 30 seconds and a woman behind us just didn't. She slammed into us at highway speeds. There was no avoiding it, it happened too fast. We were lucky to be alive we keep getting told. I get out and just am bawling/hyperventilating. Everyone thinks I'm majorly injured (I do have a pretty bad hip injury which requires physical therapy) but I was mostly just exhausted. The worst part was seeing it happen in my rearview and nothing was able to be done. Anyone who has ever been in a car accident where the airbags deploy knows the smell. Every once in awhile I can smell it. I know it's just my mind, but it triggers me so fucking hard. I can barely sleep at night. Driving in the car will most of the time cause me to freak out. (I was the driver in both recent accidents.) I went to my doctor and she officially said I have PTSD from it today. I will jerk awake at night, believing I'm back in the car getting slammed into. It's so fucking awful. I don't know what to do. I just feel like a bundle of anxiety all the time now.

2019-09-25T05:24:48.000Z

d8yvb2

ptsd

TW Car accidents/injury/anxiety

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d8yvb2/tw_car_accidentsinjuryanxiety/

[deleted]

I was literally just reading up on inner child healing today. I have ptsd from child abuse and sexual abuse. I still feel shaky and nauseous from the nightmare I just had. I saw myself being abused as a child and I felt trapped. Nothing I could do was stopping it, nothing. Adult me tried to attack the person and scream for help but it wasn't working. I was a bit wary of doing the inner child healing technique but now I'm just terrified. I don't talk to people about this stuff in person so I kinda go to reddit for a lot, I've gotten so much support here so wondering if anyone had experienced this. I feel pretty sick right now.

2019-09-25T04:10:11.000Z

d8y5on

ptsd

Inner child healing turns into PTSD nightmare. *trigger warning*

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d8y5on/inner_child_healing_turns_into_ptsd_nightmare/

gayestpan

I don’t even know how I got triggered. I just keep seeing him. And remembering. God fucking damnit I don’t wanna go through this again. Not again. I’m sorry

2019-09-25T03:07:28.000Z

d8xi3n

ptsd

Flashbacks are really strong tonight

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d8xi3n/flashbacks_are_really_strong_tonight/

spencerpng

Went camping over the weekend and had a great, restorative time with a couple exceptions. I was on the climbing wall at one point and had such an immersive flashback that I fell off. I totally lost all sense of the world around me and panicked and couldn’t breathe. I don’t know what the deal is. I haven’t been in therapy for four months because of summer break, but I’m going back tomorrow. I feel so ridiculous and helpless at this point.

2019-09-25T02:54:18.000Z

d8xcxq

ptsd

It never gets better, does it

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d8xcxq/it_never_gets_better_does_it/

Futurebecca

So today I showed up to work an hour late today. I work at pretty much the same time every day & have been for the last 2 years so its not like there was any confusion regarding the start time.... I just literally thought that 4pm was 3pm even though the clock clearly said 4...... I know Ive been having a bad week, and my brain has been foggy.... but this has really tripped me out. This is not something that I'd typically do 😕 It caught me by surprise.... fortunately work was slow and ppl were forgiving.... but I just feel really out of sorts.

2019-09-25T02:50:32.000Z

d8xbjy

ptsd

Showed up to work an hour late today

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d8xbjy/showed_up_to_work_an_hour_late_today/

[deleted]

I know this might be stupid but whatever but I literally cannot listen to music like I used to. Every song just reminds me of something and I cry. It can be a really cool song to dance to and I will literally cry and have a panic attack. Everyone I’ve told this to just gives me shit for not listening to music but it’s just so hard to when it all gives me bad memories from all the trauma. I understand that music is so important to people buy it’s so depressing for me. Anyone else?

2019-09-25T02:38:58.000Z

d8x7o3

ptsd

Music

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d8x7o3/music/

SabrinaOfTheNight

A friend of 3 years just walked out on me and I have a feeling my PTSD had a lot to do with it. I told her I would take responsibility for whatever I did wrong, but she just said she couldn’t stay in touch. Keep in mind she has mental health issues herself, but I have to wonder if my trauma behaviour pushed her out the door. At least I did all I could in trying to save the friendship, but I’m still super crushed and struggling not to blame myself. Positive thoughts needed, Sabrina

2019-09-25T02:35:28.000Z

d8x6fo

ptsd

Just Lost What I Thought Was A Close Friend

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/d8x6fo/just_lost_what_i_thought_was_a_close_friend/