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"2022-11-13T20:16:54" | 24 years with the same company. This morning, I walked out. | CONCLUDED | **I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**
**Originally posted in March 2022 by a deleted user in** r/Construction.
Part of why I wanted to share this is that I hope that the deleted user is still a Redditor and might even see this and let us know how things ended up with both the old company and the new one.
[**24 years with the same company. This morning, I walked out.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Construction/comments/tb58xz/update_24_years_with_the_same_company_this/) 01 March 2022
I've been the Director of Operations for a mid-sized GC for the last 4.5 years with this company. Before that I was the General Superintendent, Sr. Superintendent...all the way back to my internship and subsequent hire as an Asst. Super in '98.
Being a field guy from the beginning, I've always stood up for the guys and gals in the trailer. Work/life balance, bonuses, vacations, site accommodations, lodging, etc.
Friday morning I began looking over the Plus/Delta evaluations where I had approved salary increases and bonuses that should have taken effect on 1/1/2022. These increases were for total staff - office and field. I found out earlier in the week that a few of our traveling personnel hadn't received anything.
3 out of the 76 office staff had their raises approved as-is, and 3 had theirs reduced by the partners. I had put in for COL increases of 9% plus an average of about 7%-10% salary, for a total of 16%-19%.
The 3 that were reduced, got a 7.5% COL increase, which put them at the same spending capacity as last year at this time. Not ideal, but they are all 3, just part time and basically gophers.
The problem came when my traveling Supers, asst supers, safety officers and QC got nothing, and my local Supers got 3%-5%. I had put in for 15% to 20% across the board, due to no raises being given during the whole Covid fiasco.
On top of this, all bonuses were denied.
I personally haven't had anything more than a COL increase of about 5% per year since I took this position (except during covid) , and I'm fine with it. I make a very healthy salary.
I called a meeting with the 4 partners to discuss these denials.
The reasoning was that they believe our per diem rates more than adequately compensate the traveling staff, and there's no way that they're using it all for traveling expenses.
In one partners words: "They can stay in cheaper hotels or share a house together, and keep the rest."
The local supers were basically stuck with what they got.
Seeing that I wouldn't get anywhere with them, I chose to leave it at that - ended the meeting and went back to my office.
This morning I went to the office, transfered some files I needed to a flash drive, wiped my computer, phone, laptop and tablet; emailed my resignation, along with emails to my field staff explaining the issue with raises, and informing them of my immediate resignation, and went for a beer.
The reality hasn't hit me yet, that if I choose to keep working, it will be hard to step into the same position with another company; but I don't think it will matter much, once it does.
I don’t doubt there will be more resignations behind mine.
You can proudly call yourself a builder, right up until you have nobody left to build it for you.
[**UPDATE: 24 years with the same company. This morning I walked out**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Construction/comments/tb58xz/update_24_years_with_the_same_company_this/) 10 March 2022
You can find the original post here: [https://www.reddit.com/r/Construction/comments/t4hnub/24\_years\_with\_the\_same\_company\_this\_morning\_i/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Construction/comments/t4hnub/24_years_with_the_same_company_this_morning_i/)
So, the last 8 days have been relaxing, boring, exciting, eye-opening, and a little depressing.
The old company called and I went in and sat down with them on Friday morning. They're not budging on the raises but offered me more money to come back. It's like they haven't met me once in the last 24 years. I declined their offer and went back home. I made sure to return calls from members of the field team that have called me, and I informed them of the meeting and subsequent outcome. It sounds as if they're about to lose quite a few good Supers and other staff.
Beyond that:
We got a little ice and snow last week, so I just stayed in and relaxed. Brushed up my resume and LinkedIn, opened an account with Indeed, did some cooking, and did my best to stay busy.
I got a call last Wednesday afternoon from a recruiter, 2 more on Thursday, and one on Friday. One that I talked to on Wednesday, called again Friday with a counterpart from the company. I've talked to them 2 more times this week and will interview officially in Chicago tomorrow. I'm currently at the airport.
They're an international infrastructure contractor, who does a lot of work overseas and they have data infrastructure projects starting in 3 areas where I speak the languages.
I honestly didn't think I'd be excited about working elsewhere, but the idea of learning new building trends and practices in another country intrigues me. This company hasn't balked at my salary requirements and actually made it seem as if I were lowballing myself.
The benefits package is only a little better than what I've had for the last 10 years, but the opportunity has me beside myself.
​
**Reminder: I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**
**Originally posted in March 2022 by a deleted user in** r/Construction. | Celany | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yucrih/24_years_with_the_same_company_this_morning_i/ | yucrih | 5,582 | 5,224 | [
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"2022-11-13T20:44:54" | OOP grateful to Dyson for their fan app revealing his wife's affair. (SUPER LONG) | REPOST | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yudlbt/oop_grateful_to_dyson_for_their_fan_app_revealing/ | yudlbt | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-13T20:48:20" | OOP grateful to Dyson for their fan app revealing his wife's affair. (Part 1 of 2) | REPOST | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yudp0t/oop_grateful_to_dyson_for_their_fan_app_revealing/ | yudp0t | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-13T21:27:16" | What would happen if I squished an entire loaf of bread in a vice and ate the ensuing "slice" in a couple of bites? | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/crustopher23 in r/nostupidquestions**
---
 
[**What would happen if I squished an entire loaf of bread in a vice and ate the ensuing "slice" in a couple of bites?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/aou8r6/what_would_happen_if_i_squished_an_entire_loaf_of/) - 9 February 2019
Would it expand in my stomach and would I become really full, or bloated, or sick? Or would it be just like eating a regular, albeit denser, slice and I would be fine?
**Edit/update #1:**
This had almost 9k upvotes. I said from maybe 2k upvotes that if this hit 10k, I would try it. I have a vice ready to go (even though the surface area is tiny). I am on a diet (and have a biggest loser competition at work), but I will definitely do this tomorrow, diet be damned. I am still as curious as I was when it started. I'll have my wife as a spotter to make sure I don't die. I will probably use wonderbread since that is the consensus "bread", even though I feel like I should try multiple breads. I'll probably post the link here, but I also need to know where I can post the youtube link as a follow up so everyone can watch this go down.
I am equally psyched and afraid of what might happen, that is going to destroy my insides. Let's do this!
PS. I will have this filmed and post it on youtube with links. Not gonna be happy, but I will post video evidence whenever I can, maybe even the poopy (gross).
**Update #2:**
I'll be buying bread later today and doing this. I'll post a link here to YouTube with the process. Two questions: What sub should I post it in, in addition to linking it here? And is there any free video editing software, for trimming any boring parts, or blurring anything out (in case I have like a letter with my name and address out and I realize after the fact)?
Thanks everyone!
**Update #3:**
I just completed the video recording of this and will be uploading it to YouTube shortly. I'll post the link here but I'll have to post a link to it in a new post somewhere too, I can't let this go to waste.
**Update #4:**
Okay, the video exists! I didn't watch the entire thing, but I made sure it was full. Please be gentle, this isn't r/roastme! I posted it at the videos subreddit. The link is https://www.reddit.com/r/videos/comments/apbdaq/squishing_an_entire_loaf_of_bread_and_trying_to/ and I will follow up one last time on here later with how I feel afterwards. I don't want to spoil anything for anyone yet. It is a 22 minute video, so feel free to skip most of it so you don't have to hear my stupid face talking the whole time.
 
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yueve7/what_would_happen_if_i_squished_an_entire_loaf_of/ | yueve7 | 2,694 | 2,543 | [
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"2022-11-13T22:28:01" | AAM: Employee refuses to save her work and threatens to sue us when we tell her to | EXTERNAL | Thought this was another somewhat baffling one. Short read.
**I am not OOP. OOP posted on the ask a manager site.** Alison's responses have been left out at her request, but are linked at the bottom of each section. Mood spoiler isn't working for me, sorry!
**Mood Spoiler:** \>!infuriating but ends ok!<
**First Post: November 19, 2021**
We’re a mid-sized architectural firm that relies heavily on technology to complete our work. We have one employee who is extremely secretive and outright refuses to save her files to company servers. When confronted, she refuses, says the employee handbook doesn’t say she has to do this, and mentions that she will have her attorney husband look at suing us for harassment and invasion of privacy if she is compelled to share her work. It has gone as far as her taking her laptop to the bathroom so nobody can see what she is working on.
Our policies are clear on no expectation of privacy and work product being property of the company, and she consistently cites what she sees as “loopholes” to justify her behavior, along with the “I’m married to an attorney” reminder. Files have been lost as a result of her behavior which has led to cost and expense of re-doing work. She is threatening to sue for hostile work environment if we discipline or terminate her for these refusals. We have consistently documented these circumstances and have no reason to believe we are exposed to any risk or have engaged in any discriminatory or hostile conduct. However, our ownership does not want to spend money on legal advice to address the concern. What advice do you have for us?
*Read Alison's response* [here](https://www.askamanager.org/2021/11/employee-threatens-to-sue-us-when-we-tell-her-to-save-work-files-i-dont-want-to-put-up-holiday-decorations-and-more.html)
**Update: June 23, 2022**
I emailed several months back about an employee in our architecture firm who refused to save files to company servers and always made veiled threats around her attorney husband suing us. The response was pretty overwhelming!
We finally got our firm managing partners to agree to terminate the employee and get solid legal counsel to make sure we didn’t run into trouble. We meticulously documented all of her infractions of company policies, she refused to sign all documentation provided to her, and finally terminated her after a final warning. It instantly changed the culture of our company.
After we accessed her company laptop following the termination we discovered that she had deleted massive amounts of company data, emailed hundreds of confidential work product items to her personal email account, and secretly recorded meetings she was in in an attempt to collect information (we are in a two-party consent to record state). In all of this she still claimed she was a victim of a scheme of omission to terminate her because everyone was jealous of the quality of her work. Who knows what will happen in terms of future actions, but we are comfortable in our situation and what we have to counter any potential suit or claim.
All of us are sleeping much better now that this individual is out of our organization, and appreciate all the feedback we received from this group!
*Update is* [here](https://www.askamanager.org/2022/06/updates-employee-threatens-to-sue-when-we-tell-her-to-save-her-work-and-more.html) | LucyAriaRose | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yugoie/aam_employee_refuses_to_save_her_work_and/ | yugoie | 3,372 | 5,510 | [
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"2022-11-13T23:12:44" | AITA For still resenting the guy I used to like | ONGOING | [removed] | Lisie- | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yuhz35/aita_for_still_resenting_the_guy_i_used_to_like/ | yuhz35 | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-14T01:52:11" | AITA for not giving 24 hours notice to my daughter's roommates before dropping something off | ONGOING | kingsleyce | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yulkol/aita_for_not_giving_24_hours_notice_to_my/ | yulkol | 0 | 1 | [
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|
"2022-11-14T02:26:06" | OOP - My [33F] Husband [40M] is considering conceiving a child with his ex | ONGOING | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yumb9h/oop_my_33f_husband_40m_is_considering_conceiving/ | yumb9h | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-14T04:59:02" | OOP's friend tries to set him up on a double date with a girl he earlier rejected. | INCONCLUSIVE | **I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Kvatchdididatch **in** r/AmItheAsshole
trigger warnings: >!Stalking!<
mood spoilers: >!Creepy behavior escalates!<
[**AITA For walking out on a double date my friend set up with him, his girlfriend and a girl I had already rejected before**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hgr9s6/aita_for_walking_out_on_a_double_date_my_friend/) \- 27th June 2020
I feel like I need to say this for this post not to be removed, this is not about the date, about relationships or something I want a judgement on me walking out of there.
Cast: Me (25M), Joe(26M), Jane(24F)
To give you a little background to this situation, I met Jane through Joe's girlfriend at her birthday party last year. At first Jane was fun to talk to but not even an hour later Jane was really in to me and tried really badly to hit on me during the party, which pretty much ruined my time there as the feeling was not mutual in the slightest bit also at the time I was already with someone. So the first impression I got from Jane was that she was clingy, annoying and just wouldn't stop bothering me.
Unfortunately for me she became part of my larger friend group because she is part of Joe's girlfriends friend group(That is a mouthful sheesh) and because me and Joe hang out a lot and I am also friends with his girlfriend, I pretty much run in to her at minimum twice a month.
So first time Jane asked me out was a month after that party, I informed her I was with someone and not interested, she tried again a 2 months later when I broke up with my then girlfriend, again I declined her advances and told her I was not interested. I got in to a new relationship not long after but unfortunately she and I broke up about 2 months ago. Since then as you might have anticipated, Jane has asked me out again, I said no again.
Well that brings us to this week, everything has been opening up here and Joe had been trying to fix me up with a friend of his girlfriend and would not tell me who(He is well aware of me having rejected Jane multiple times and the fact I am not interested in her, he knows this in detail.) After a lot of what he calls convincing and I call whining(I had no interest in dating anytime soon) I relented and decided to agree to this double date idea of his.
We agree on meeting at Joe's apartment and lo and behold Joe, His girlfriend and Jane are occupying the dinner table obviously intending for my date to be Jane, I honestly just got so goddamn angry I that I couldn't even get a single word out, turned around and left.
I have been bombarded with texts and calls about how much of a douche I am and how terribly I hurt Jane and so on and I am just like, I literally rejected her like three times, I am not interested in her, you knew that, your girlfriend knew that, our entire friend group has a running joke about obsessive Jane FFS so literally everyone knows it. So am I the asshole?
**Verdict - NTA (Not the A-hole)**
&#x200B;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ifsfel/update_aita_for_walking_out_on_a_double_date_my/) \- 24th August 2020
It has been a little under 2 months and I have received quite a few requests to make an update over the past 9 or so weeks, looking at you SnooChipmunks3950 , at first I was going to make one a week or 3 ago but I decided against it and instead chose to wait till I had some proper updates, but well, here goes.
At any rate like I said, here goes. It turns out that some of the more pessimistic of you were right, Jane was being obsessive and stalkerish and it sort of all came tumbling down on her at that point. A week or so after I made my post she decided to message me, well it came down to her not understanding why I was showing interest in her and then refused to date her(I never showed interest in her beyond basic friendliness.), A wall of text dedicated to thrashing my previous relationships and calling them all sorts of names, specifically pointing out how I dated the "Wrong girls" and a weird rant about how everyone agreed me and her were meant to be, which just isn't the case, like I said in my previous post, there is a running joke in our friend group about how weird she is.
Now, you might think this is something that can be expected, something that just happens, an outlet for her of sorts, except, she send it from the wrong account. See, I had become internet friends with a person In the past month or two, me and her would game together, chat from time to time, you know, the usual organic internet friend situation. And the messages concerning out "Date" were sent from this account, turns out she had literally used this alias to infiltrate my "internet" friend group and keep tabs on me of sorts? Obviously this freaked me the fuck out, I took screenshots of what she had sent me and afterwards blocked all accounts that I knew now she was using.
I followed that up by sharing everything in our friend discord and in our friend whatsapp group, so everyone could see which resulted in her being kicked from both and I later got a call from Joe full on apologetic, telling me he had no idea and he knew he shouldn't have done it but that his girlfriend was being pressured by Jane, turned out, Jane had literally been bitching at her for months to arrange something like this and she finally caved, again creepy stuff, I told him that I needed some time as he really fucked me over bigtime and I didn't trust him anymore as a result.
While Jane has been shunned by all friends, she still contacted me twice, once to apologize which quickly turned into weird shit where she started talking about "Us" she seems convinced there is an us and I am interested and another time just to curse at me, both from random accounts. I am not sure where to go from here and I am still pretty shook up.
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | raredontstare | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yupddm/oops_friend_tries_to_set_him_up_on_a_double_date/ | yupddm | 5,924 | 9,107 | [
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"2022-11-14T05:19:03" | HELP my coworkers suck! #lifeadvice | INCONCLUSIVE | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yupr3h/help_my_coworkers_suck_lifeadvice/ | yupr3h | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-14T11:06:42" | UPDATE ! : My partner told me he was excited to start a family, but went and had a vasectomy in secret. I don’t know how we can movie forward from this. | CONCLUDED | [removed] | crispyliza | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yuw0kk/update_my_partner_told_me_he_was_excited_to_start/ | yuw0kk | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-14T14:17:02" | [NEW UPDATES] Elementary school teacher vs Billionaire: Activist OOP investigates and exposes a shady hedge fund manager that bought her students' trailer park and is forcing eviction upon the poor families by jacking up the rent. | NEW UPDATE | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yv0oy1/new_updates_elementary_school_teacher_vs/ | yv0oy1 | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-14T15:21:37" | [NEW UPDATES] Elementary school teacher vs Billionaire: Activist OOP investigates and exposes a shady hedge fund manager that bought her students' trailer park and is forcing eviction upon the poor families by jacking up the rent. | NEW UPDATE | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yv2iiu/new_updates_elementary_school_teacher_vs/ | yv2iiu | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-14T16:19:25" | AITA for telling my fiance's family that he's unemployed after they kept implying that I was a "Gold Digger?" | ONGOING | [removed] | BlueFlare100 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yv47kp/aita_for_telling_my_fiances_family_that_hes/ | yv47kp | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-14T16:36:55" | OOP's sister is turning into a bridezilla, and family drama explodes | CONCLUDED | [removed] | fawak | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yv4r3s/oops_sister_is_turning_into_a_bridezilla_and/ | yv4r3s | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-14T17:13:19" | All the women in an office are tacitly expected to clean their male coworkers' dishes, much to their frustration. A man in the office gets angry when he overhears two of the women mentioning the dynamic. | REPOST | *I am not the OP. This BORU post is a repost from almost a couple of years ago. I originally posted [this story on the sub on February 23, 2021](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/lqofl1/all_the_women_in_an_office_are_tacitly_expected/). There are no new updates, but I thought it may be of interest to those who didn't see it the first time due to growth of the sub.*
Trigger warnings: >!Sexism, obnoxious coworkers!<
Mood spoilers: >!Bittersweet!<
**[The original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/dq5njd/aita_for_resenting_cleaning_up_after_the_office/)** *is by /u/KitchenWorkWoesThrow and was originally posted on /r/AmItheAsshole on November 1, 2019.*
I work in a male-dominated industry, and my large department only has 5 women working in it. Our custodians do not wash dishes. The office policy is everyone washes their own. Unfortunately, this results in an ongoing issue where about 1/2 the men in the office use dishes and leave them in our tiny sink. They stack up and smell bad, and everyone has to awkwardly use water around them when accessing the sink. Everyone is grossed out when this happens, but a pattern has emerged where the women of the office end up washing the dishes, because they'll otherwise be left forever. We've even tried "going on strike" and privately agreeing not to wash any dishes, but after ~a week of the kitchen smelling like a sewer and everyone complaining but doing nothing (and being so used to women of the office doing it that they seem to be blaming us for the mess), one of us cracks and does it. We've all tried addressing it multiple times in multiple ways, but the men of the office imply we're being nags and refuse to engage. This is a situation the women are all deeply unhappy with. We have actual work to do, dammit!
With that context, last week, I went in the kitchen and found a pile of tongs and bulky platters in the sink covered in food goo. I was annoyed and did what I needed to do around it. When I came back at the end of the day, the stuff was still there, and it was so cumbersome trying to use the sink that I just washed everything, low-key fuming the whole time. My coworker Liz ran in, apologizing profusely, saying the dishes were hers. They were catering dishes from a meeting she'd been running, and she'd dropped them off thinking she'd be able to come right back and take care of them, but then she'd gotten held up all day. I told her I had been frustrated when I thought one of the men of the office had left a mess again, but I didn't mind cleaning up after any of the women, since they'd built up plenty of cleaning karma over their time working here.
After I said that, a coworker, Tim, walked in, and I guess he heard me, because he confronted me the next day and said it was really sexist that I would say messes were OK when women left them, but not men, and he asked that I apologize for saying that. Tim generally does clean up after himself, but I tried to explain that the 5 women of the office don't just clean up after ourselves, but are constantly cleaning up other people's messes, and that's mainly what I was referring to. He got angry and said we choose to do that, no one puts that on us (which is only partially true, but you could say that's our fault for establishing the precedent).
I've been feeling awful about how this whole thing went down, especially because Tim isn't one of the repeat offenders (though he's not my favorite person for other reasons, which is probably biasing me here). I asked a friend I don't work with his thoughts, and he said the whole thing sounds ridiculously dramatic and passive-aggressive, and I can see his point.
**Additional context from OOP from comments:**
Sorry, I had to cut out a lot of detail to stay under the 3K character limit, since my first post got deleted. Upper management is not on our floor and doesn't use our kitchen, and when the women of the office have raised it with them, they've essentially said we need to figure this out among ourselves.
Also, we will not be going to HR, since HR at our company is not helpful on these matters, and has actively penalized people's careers when they've come forward about much worse things, like workplace bullying and sexual harassment.
---
*In response to suggestions to just throw away the dirty dishes:*
This is a great idea, but unfortunately the dishes are mostly company property. The company stocks the cabinets with dishes and silverware as a courtesy, and we're supposed to wash what we use.
---
>Can this be brought up at meetings? What is the men's excuse for repeatedly not washing their dishes?
Basically, the men complain when it's brought up that we're "making a big deal out of nothing" and told things like, "ugh, you sound like my wife."
(Sorry, that was in the first version of the post, but had to come out for the character limit.)
---
FWIW, all the men of the department, Tim included, join in on shutting us down when we try to raise the issue.
To be perfectly honest, I think the industry I work in has a lot of gender problems and fosters an environment where very old-school ideas of "women's work" are generally accepted, consciously or unconsciously.
For example, Liz's job description does not include meeting logistics, and there were more junior male colleagues on the team running the big meeting with her, but she was still the one who ended up responsible for arranging for the catering and dealing with the dishes.
I think I have a lot of resentment bubbling over the gender politics of my office in general, and I don't really like Tim as a person, which is one reason why I don't really trust my objective reading of this particular situation and wanted to get outside judgment.
---
I don't know if this adds any relevance, and it's kind of buried in a different comment, but even though Tim does his own dishes, he has joined in on making fun of us and shutting us down in the past when we've tried to bring this up as an issue, with "give it a rest!" or "it's not that big a deal!" style comments when we've publicly raised the problem, reminded people it's an every-man-for-himself situation, or tried to come up with other solutions.
Once when a female colleague added at the end of her team announcements in a staff meeting, "and just a reminder, please keep in mind the cleaning staff doesn't do dishes and we all need to make sure to do our own," Tim literally yelled, "Booo!" at her.
---
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/askmanagers/comments/lpuc1j/update_on_an_old_workplace_aita_post_about_dishes/) *posted in /r/askmanagers on February 22, 2021*
Hi, all. In late 2019, I posted an AmItheAsshole question about dish drama at work. I tried to post an update soon after, but the mods didn't accept it. After reflecting on this situation again more recently, I thought this community may be interested in the story.
Here's the original update, now deleted, I posted about a week after the original post:
My original question didn't get a lot of attention, but I was so appreciative of the feedback that I got and how much it changed the way I approached this situation (and the very quick results it got!) that I wanted to put an update out there for anyone who commented on the original to see. Also, please feel free to help me judge whether my behavior since the last post was asshole-ish.
So after I posted the last time, I didn't bring up the issue with Tim again. I dropped it and he did the same, though he's been short and cold with me ever since.
After reading all the AITA responses, though, I did go and talk with the other women in the department about how untenable the situation was and how we needed to take action. I showed them the Reddit post for us to discuss. Many of the things suggested, like keep all the dishes ourselves and issue them out like a lending library or throw away dirty communal dishes, we didn't have the authority to do, so we made a new plan. Starting that Monday the 4th, we stopped using our kitchen altogether and instead started going up a floor to another department's kitchen to get coffee, heat up our lunches, do our dishes, etc.
The comments started that Thursday, with a couple of male colleagues passive-aggressively mentioning that the kitchen was a mess. I just innocently responded, "Oh, is it? I haven't been in there all week."
The following week it got worse. I still hadn't gone in the kitchen, but I guess things rotted over the weekend, because my male colleagues were complaining about the smell and were mentioning it semi-accusingly around me and the other women. We just shrugged it off and said we hadn't been using that kitchen, so we hadn't noticed the mess.
By mid-week, several of the guys had caught on that we were all going upstairs to use their kitchen and started berating us for being petty and "trying to make a point." We claimed we were using the other kitchen exclusively in an effort to get our step count up, since our workplace is currently running a Fitbit-based insurance incentive program. (For the record, that's not totally untrue, though obviously it's not our main motivation.)
Apparently, near the end of last week, our kitchen finally ran out of clean communal dishes, because the guys started coming upstairs to the kitchen we've been using and taking their dishes, then returning them dirty to that floor. Unfortunately for them, the CFO's executive assistant rules the roost on that floor, and apparently was pretty pissed off. So yesterday afternoon, a Super Scary Serious all-staff email went out from the CFO basically reminding employees to be adults and do their own dishes. The way the company is set up, our CFO acts as the Big Boss, since our president/CEO is more focused on strategic partnerships outside of the company and isn't really in touch with the day-to-day of the staff, so an email from him shook the whole staff. I still haven't been in our floor's kitchen since this whole thing started, but one of my female colleagues told me that as of this morning, it's clean again.
**End of old update.**
Ok, so obviously a lot has changed since I posted this. The whole office went full-time remote last March when the pandemic hit, so the dishes issue was moot just a few short months after my post (though our short-term victory was sweet). But working from home ended up exacerbating a lot of the sexism inherent to that company (women being taken off the good projects or not being invited to meetings relevant to their work, and things generally being more opaque when we weren't in the office together.)
Liz and I both left the company last year, and I ended up going to a different (but semi-related) industry. I took a paycut, but I'm much, much happier where I am. I feel respected and valued, and I'm given work that challenges me.
Key takeaways? I'd love to live in a world where places like $OldCompany didn't exist, where sexism doesn't hold women back in the workplace, and where thriving at work doesn't require leaving a field because the people are toxic, even if you genuinely love and are good at the work. But at the end of the day, life is too short to stay at a workplace that actively erodes your mental health. Sometimes problems are too systemic for one person to take on, and it's ok to opt out of places like that.
Ultimately, the dishes were one small symptom of a much, much bigger problem, and I think perhaps dishes were just the straw to my camel, or maybe I fixated on this issue because it felt like something I could change.
I hope my story may be helpful to someone going though the same kind of situation, or witnessing something similar. | Father-Son-HolyToast | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yv5v11/all_the_women_in_an_office_are_tacitly_expected/ | yv5v11 | 11,728 | 9,689 | [
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"2022-11-14T18:04:04" | OOP - AITA for telling my daughter it's her fault she has no pictures of herself? | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Puzzleheaded-Map-222 **in** r/AmItheAsshole
trigger warnings: NONE
mood spoilers: >!Happy!<
[**AITA for telling my daughter it's her fault she has no pictures of herself?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/m0dd2m/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_its_her_fault_she/) \- 8th March 2021
Ok, so I (54f) have 5 kids (3 bio, 2 step). The issue with is with my eldest- Clem who is 26f.
The only pictures I have of Clem are from the day she was born to around her 8th birthday but none after that. She would ruin any picture she was in by making funny faces, hiding from the camera, making weird signs with her hands, or by messing with other people. It was like this until she was 12 when she started to straight up refuse. We would tell her to come for the family photo, but she would refuse. We never forced her, but would gently encourage her. She even refused school pictures. I have no pictures of birthdays, graduations, prom photos, holidays or days out with her in them.
It broke my heart because I don't have any pictures of her growing up. Family photos look odd, because she's not in them.
Clem is 26 now and is pregnant with her first child. She brought her SO over for dinner and after we were looking at photo albums. We got to hers and she saw hers was nearly empty. She asked where all her pictures were and I told her she refused to have any taken. She got all teary-eyed and told me to stop joking. At this point, I'm very annoyed- I tell her I'm not joking and that she did this to herself. I told her if she had swallowed her pride and had even one picture, we wouldn't be like this today. She got angry and thought I had printed out the ones she had messed up.
She got super upset and went to sit in the car. The next say (today) I got a few texts from family members calling me an asshole for 'putting her on blast' and humiliating her.
AITA?
EDIT: Thank you for all your replies! I do want to clear something up:
Whilst I agree it was a shitty move not to include goofy or rude pictures, that's not what Clem has an issue with. She's upset that I have no pictures of her from age 12-18 to fill the album with and the few I do have, caused extreme reactions from Clem. I can't fill an album with pictures I never took. That's what she's upset about- not the omission of goofy/rude photos.
EDIT 2: To those of you saying 'who cares about rude gestures, or goofy faces': I didn't realise this needed saying, but the family photos weren't just for me- they were for everyone involved (aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents on all sides, etc). I can guarantee none of them want an 8yr old making the 'eat out' gesture in what is meant to be their nice family photo.
EDIT 3: It's kind of sad to see so many people assume that because a child has anxiety, that I berate them whenever they mess around when taking a photo. I never yelled at Clem for making silly faces- would simply encourage her to stop and smile, but her rude gestures and faces would ramp up. But I guess that's what you expect on this sub- everyone hates their kids.
**Verdict - NTA**
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/m3iae3/aita_update_aita_for_telling_my_daughter_its_her/) \- 12th March 2021
So it's been less than a week because I wanted to make amends asap so I printed off all the pictures and put them in the album. They didn't fill it, but I made a spread on one of the pages that said 'go make new memories' with a picture of her and her fiancé. I put a lot of work into making it look cute.
I called her and asked to talk. She arrived and we had a long discussion. I asked if she had any trauma, or self esteem issues (in a more tactful way, obviously) and she said no- she simply did not like having her photo taken and adopted the behaviour of screeching and kicking to avoid photos. She did say she had anxiety and that's why she had panic attacks, but that it was mostly because she was gassing herself up (if that makes sense). I knew she had anxiety, but not that she 'gassed herself up', if that makes sense? Btw, 'gassing herself up' are her words, not mine.
Regarding her visit (the one that kicked things off) she explained that she was embarrassed by her behaviour and even more so when it was 'exposed' to her fiancé. She said she didn't quite realise how much time she had lost and that it was very emotional time for her. I apologised for my wording during our spat and we both made up.
I even showed her the post and we read the comments together. We had quite a laugh at all the armchair psychologists and internet detectives that claimed just because she knew a sexual gesture as a child, she was in danger. Some people were writing borderline fanfiction and re-writing my entire history with my daughter based on one post- that's talent.
After a little bit of talking, I brought out the album and gave it to her---
She was happy, and she seemed to take responsibility over the fact she refused to have pics taken. I told her I had printed out the candid ones from when she was 12-18 and asked if she wanted them. She said no. She really liked the page with her and her fiancé, which made me super happy.
So that's that! You might find this hard to believe, but other than this incident (which we are working through) we have a very good relationship.
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | raredontstare | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yv7dta/oop_aita_for_telling_my_daughter_its_her_fault/ | yv7dta | 5,421 | 5,850 | [
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"2022-11-14T18:33:51" | My (25M) family cut contact with me 5 years ago after a fight with my younger brother. Now, they want me to come back but I'm having doubts about it | REPOST | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwra271215 in r/relationship_advice**
trigger warnings: >!assault, racism!<
---
&nbsp;
[**My (25M) family cut contact with me 5 years ago after a fight with my younger brother. Now, they want me to come back but I'm having doubts about it**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/nsw9ha/my_25m_family_cut_contact_with_me_5_years_ago/) - 5 June 2021
My family pretty much cut all ties with me at the end of 2015. Things had been a bit turbulent for a while, but when I went over to my parents' house for Christmas in 2015, I got very drunk one night and got into an argument with my younger brother, which ended up turning physical. I was 19 at the time, he would've been 15, and he came out of it pretty badly.
Without going into massive detail, he had said something which struck a nerve (I won't say what because it's quite personal, and not really relevant here) and I ended up injuring him quite badly. There was a question of potentially involving the police, but nothing ever happened in regards to that, in the end they all just told me they wanted nothing to do with me any more. Which is fair enough, I was completely in the wrong and they were absolutely right to want to cut me off, I'm not complaining about that in the slightest.
I had already moved out by that stage so it wasn't a case of kicking me out, it was more just telling me to never come back. Again, I can't blame them for this at all, and would be surprised if you could either. This post isn't about me complaining about being cut off or pretending that I didn't deserve it, because I did, and I'm not trying to play the victim here. I genuinely regret what I did and have spent time trying to self improve in the wake of it
It was quite difficult for me to come to terms with this for the first year or so afterwards. The only person in my family I had any contact with was my mum. We never really spoke in depth, just small updates, wishing each other happy birthday and things like that. Honestly though, after that first year, things have gotten so much better for me. I stopped drinking, which was the root of a lot of my problems. I got my head down and ended up doing very well at Uni, I've now got a job that I love, and I've been with my girlfriend for the best part of 4 years, and things are absolutely great.
To be brutally honest, I don't miss my family. My relationship with them hadn't been great for a while before the fight, and as far as I was concerned I didn't miss them and they didn't miss me, and being on a non-contact basis with all of them apart from occasional contact with my mum was for the better.
However, over the last few months, my mum began messaging me much more frequently, and asking more personal questions about my life, my work, my relationship etc. I thought it was just boredom on her part, but she maintained it for a while, and began to introduce the idea of me coming back to visit her at some point, which I always shrugged.
She started to persist with it, and then yesterday it all came to a head when she added me to a whatsapp group chat with the rest of the family. I was then told how they had all "Come to a family decision that 5 years was enough", that my brother had "found it in his heart to forgive me for what happened" and that they wanted me to come over at some point to "catch up on lost time" (these are all quotes from what they sent me). I didn't say much, I just said I wanted time to think.
I'm quite torn on this now. Part of me feels like I am obliged to go along with it. They cut contact with me because of my own actions, and if my brother's forgiven me and wants to re-establish contact with me then it's my duty to do so. On the other hand, I feel like since contact was cut my life improved a lot. My relationship with them had been on a downwards slope for a fair bit of time beforehand, and I just haven't found myself missing any of it
That's why I'm asking for advice. Would you say that I'm obliged to go and re-establish contact because it was my fault that contact was cut, or do you think it would be acceptable for me not to do so?
&nbsp;
[**Update: My (25M) family cut contact with me 5 years ago after a fight with my younger brother. Now, they want me to come back but I'm having doubts about it**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/nw7ul4/update_my_25m_family_cut_contact_with_me_5_years/) - 9 June 2021
I wasn't initially planning on doing an update for that post, but the amount of responses I got from it were absolutely unprecedented so I decided it was right of me to do one. I didn't respond to every single comment, but I did read all of them. I greatly appreciate everyone's input, whether it was positive or negative; or telling me to go back or cut contact completely. It was really good to get different takes on the situation because at the time it was a lot to take in, and still is in a way.
I'll start off by saying that soon after that post was written I phoned my brother. We talked for a few minutes about how things were going, and then I apologised to him for what happened back in 2015. He didn't specifically say he forgave me, but he was amicable and said that he appreciated me doing it. I'm glad I did it. I know 5 and a half years is a long time to have gone without doing it, but that was the first vocal conversation I'd had with him since the family cut contact.
He told me that the whole incident hadn't left him with any lasting mental or physical damage, and while I have no way of knowing whether that's completely true, I was glad to hear it. I don't want to make it about myself, but it did also feel like a bit of a weight lifted off my shoulders.
In terms of the actual resumption of contact, it won't be happening for now. After a few days of talking to the family as a collective in the groupchat (which I have now left) as well as a some individual conversations with different members, I told them that I was happy to increase contact with them through messaging, but that as things stand I didn't think resuming face to face contact would be right, and that I wasn't going to do it.
As I stated in the initial post, I was already having severe doubts about it, and the conversations I had with them pretty much made my mind up for me. I'll list a few examples of it here:
* Much of the discussion I had with family was done through a group chat in which I (25M) was added to by my mum (45F). This groupchat also contained my dad (54M), and my two brothers (20M and 14M). The groupchat was titled 'REUNION' so it was pretty obvious what their intentions were
* The initial language used by them when I was added bothered me. I gave some examples of it in the original post: things like my mum saying my brother had "found it in his heart to forgive me" and them coming to a "family decision that 5 years was enough". It made it seem like there was no chance of it being a normal family relationship at all, and that I would always be indebted and subservient to them in some form for that.
As I said, I had no issue with being cut off and felt they were pretty justified in doing so, but that doesn't mean I would be prepared to come back and be in a constant state of owing one, and likely being made to feel pressured to do things for them because they were oh so kind to find it in their hearts to let me back.
* This sort of language continued throughout me being in that groupchat. Some more examples were being told that I "had lots of work to do" if we wanted a normal relationship (Notice that they didn't say we), and also was also compared to the prodigal son multiple times by my (very religious) parents, which just made me think they were doing it for their own spiritual reasons rather than actually being interested in having me back as part of the family.
The final nail in the coffin was that when I specifically expressed doubts about it, my dad said "After all you did to us as a family ... We've decided to let you back in" and then pretty much went on to tell me that I should be biting their hands off for the chance to make amends, and that I was ungrateful for not doing so. I told them I was backing out of it pretty soon after that.
A few of the replies to my original post asked if any of them needed an organ. I initially brushed this off as a joke, but after some of the conversations I had I genuinely think it's possible that that's true.
* My girlfriend (24F) is also a big reason why I was initially having doubts, and a couple of things that were said by my dad completely reinforced these. I 100% know that he would dislike her. Not through any fault of her own, but mainly because he has some very old fashioned views on women, and he's also quite racist. She is only half white, and when I was younger my dad made it pretty clear that he didn't want me to date outside of my race.
In the groupchat, he described her as my "exotic girlfriend" and made a couple of very stereotypical assumptions on her based on her race, which made it pretty clear to me that he still found it wrong and abnormal of me to be with a girl who isn't completely white. If I resumed a somewhat normal father-son relationship with him, I'm almost certain that he'd try to interfere in some way, and would at the very least encourage me to end things with her.
It's not like I've only been seeing her for a month either, we've been together for almost 4 years and have discussed marriage, so she absolutely takes priority over the family.
Those are the main reasons behind me chosing not to go down the route of face to face contact with the family. There are a few other things too, such as the fact that they seemed awfully interested in grandchildren who didn't even exist, and also that I suspected that it was all my mum's doing and that the rest of the family weren't that interested. I'm fairly sure she was feeding the others lines, my 14 year old brother was typing an awful lot like my 45 year old mum, let's put it that way.
With all these factors combined with my initial doubts about it made my mind up that I wasn't going to resume face to face contact. I messaged them telling them that while I did appreciate them trying to get me to do so, I just had too many doubts about it to go and start meeting with them face to face or going to their house. I did say that they all had my number now, and were free to text me at any point if they wanted to talk, and then left the groupchat.
I know they've all read it, because they've all been online since I sent it, but I haven't had a single message from any of them. To be honest, I'm not entirely sure if I ever will. And yet, I can't really say I feel that sad about it. I'm glad I've apologised to my brother, and if that's the end of all contact with them then so be it, it is what it is.
My mum was contacting me every day in the months leading up to her deciding I should start seeing the family again, now it's begining to seem to me that she was doing so because she wanted me to return to them on my hands and knees, grovelling and begging for forgiveness. Things certainly began to turn a bit sour when it became clear that I wasn't going to do that. Perhaps she sees it as the final betrayal, and wants nothing more to do with me now.
At the end of the day, I'm never going to pretend that they were for a second wrong for cutting contact with me. They did it to protect their 15 year old son, and I completely understand it. Ultimately though, I grew up, ended my addiction and built a life for myself off the back of it without them involved in my life. It's very likely that they still had this image of the 19 year old who turned completely white when he was told they wanted nothing more to do with him, but that really isn't me anymore.
When they initially kicked me out, I felt like I needed them even though we didn't have the greatest relationship, 5 years on from that, I certainly don't think I do anymore. I apologise to anyone who read the initial post and wanted me to go and see them in person again, but this is just how things have turned out.
Once again, thank you to everyone for offering support and advice, and I hope that anyone reading this who has their own issues with family and estrangement is able to navigate them, and build a relationship back if they so wish.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yv8aec/my_25m_family_cut_contact_with_me_5_years_ago/ | yv8aec | 12,479 | 19,208 | [
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"2022-11-14T18:47:28" | OOP: I have slept with both of my best friends and my boyfriend of 4yrs is uncomfortable with that | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/bfandbestfriends**
---
&nbsp;
[**I [33F] have slept with both of my best friends and my boyfriend [36M] of 4yrs is uncomfortable with that**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/34eryq/i_33f_have_slept_with_both_of_my_best_friends_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) - Apr 2015
I'll be breaking this up into sections, just to keep it all in chronological order. You can scroll down to Part III for the actual issue with my boyfriend. And I'll have a TL;DR at the bottom because man this is going to be long.
**Part I: THE BACKGROUND**
Let me start right off with the problem: my two best friends in the world are male, and I've slept with both of them. It's not as bad as it seems, though! It's not like I have feelings for either of them. They're both childhood friends whom I've known for years and years, so I love them both with all of my heart, but the thought of being in a relationship with either of them is unfathomable.
One of them (We'll call him Rob) is married now, but we had a brief relationship senior year of high school. We broke up after less than a year for several reasons—I wanted to travel abroad for university, he wanted kids and I didn't, his mother didn't think I was a good fit for him (I know)—but we still remained friends.
The other (we'll call him John) is a bit more complicated. I would never date him, because he has serious issues. And it's not so much the issues that stop me from dating him, but the fact that he adamantly refuses any kind of help or therapy for them. He had some major childhood trauma that he's bigtime repressing, and it's affected his ability to have a relationship. He's a bit of a womanizer. After I got back from university abroad, I was 23 and all alone and I needed a place to live. His parents had moved out to a condo on the beach and they let John live in their old house. And he offered me one of the spare bedrooms for very low rent. So we lived together for a while without incident. I dated a guy for like two years, and John had a constant stream of women in and out of his bedroom. But we discovered a system that worked for us, and we became closer than ever.
The problem was, one night about a year after I broke up with my ex, we hung out in the house alone and got drunk together. We were both super horny and hooked up. And we had AMAZING sex. Like, really, mind-blowing. I don't know if it was because I was drunk or because I'd only slept with two other people in my life who were both subpar (Rob and I were virgins and we only had sex like twice before we broke up, and one of the main reasons I split with my other ex was sexual incompatibility), but either way, it was great and we didn't want to stop. So we kept hooking up for about eight months.
At that point, one of his old exes came back into his life, and he realized he had feelings for her. We tried to stop hooking up, but quite frankly, we have no self-control. I realized was 29 and had a steady job and there was no reason I shouldn't move out. So I left. We had one last night of sex the day before I moved out and agreed to never talk about it again.
**Part II: THE BOYFRIEND**
You can skip this section, I suppose. It just talks about how my boyfriend (who we'll call Sam) and I got together and outlines some of his insecurities and why this may be a problem for him.
Sam had been a longtime coworker of mine. We started working together when I got my job at 26. He was 29 and getting divorced. He told me all about it as it was happening—he and his wife got married way too fast. She had just broken up with her ex, and five months into dating Sam, she discovered she was pregnant with her ex's child. She pressured Sam into marriage because she didn't want to be a single mom, and he agreed. You can imagine why this didn't work out.
Anyway, Sam and I became best friends in the workplace. He would tell me stories about his divorce, and I would tell him embarrassing childhood stories about Rob and John. Oh yeah, didn't I mention? We all work together! Rob and John are in different departments, but it's a pretty close-knit company. So he knew I had dated Rob in high school, but he never knew about me hooking up with John.
When I told him I was moving out of John's house, he asked me why, and I just said that we were getting older and it was time for me to get my own place (which was absolutely true!). That just happened to be the day that he confessed his longtime feelings for me, and we began to date.
**Part III: THE PROBLEM**
About half a year ago, we decided to move in together. His lease was ending and I owned my house, so he moved into my place. He sometimes works really late nights, and on occasion I'll have Rob or John over to keep me company when he does. Last night he was meant to be working until 11pm. John was here and we were hanging out in the living room. It was about 10:30pm, and we were drinking a bit and talking kind of loudly. John mentioned to me that his girlfriend was always jealous/worried that he and I had feelings for each other. I said that was silly, and that just because two people have great sex doesn't mean they're in love.
As I said, we were talking pretty loudly, so I guess Sam came in at some point and heard me say that. I didn't even hear him unlock the front door. But he stormed into the living room and confronted me, asking when John and I had had sex. He looked equal parts disappointed and angry. John left because he didn't want to be involved in our argument.
I explained everything—told him John and I used to hook up when we lived together, and that was part of the reason I moved out of his place, because it wasn't healthy for us to have that kind of relationship. It had been four years and we rarely ever spoke about it, and it hasn't affected our friendship at all.
Sam now tells me he's uncomfortable with the fact that I have slept with both of the people I consider my best friends in the world. He's also uncomfortable with the fact that, just a few days before he and I got together, I had sex with John. He says it taints our entire relationship because I lied to him about it. I think he's being a bit puritanical about it. Of course I have a sexual past, and why does it matter if it was only a few days before, since it didn't mean anything? It's not like I had feelings for John! And we always used protection and frequently got tested, and I told Sam that, so it's not like he's concerned about the health risks. He's just jealous. And he wants me to hang out with John less, and he doesn't feel comfortable with us drinking together at all. He also insists I should make new friends and separate myself a bit from Rob and John, because it's weird that both of the people I'm closest with are people who have seen me naked.
I think he's being entirely unreasonable. John and I are both in relationships, and we have no feelings for each other whatsoever. The fact that we hooked up with each other for a while is something we want to leave in the past. And to bring Rob into it is just ridiculous. It's been 15 years since we had anything to do with each other romantically, and he's now married with kids. I think Sam just wants to punish me or something because he's weirdly jealous. I honestly don't know what to make of this situation.
**TL;DR**
Rob and John, my two best friends in the world, are male, and I've slept with both of them. I was with Rob like 15 years ago and we broke up. John and I had a FWB situation and the last time we hooked up was a few days before I started dating my current boyfriend, Sam. Sam just found out about John and thinks it's weird that I'm still so close with people I've had sex with. Is he in the right? Should I reduce my contact with Rob and John and try to make new friends? Or is Sam just being unreasonable?
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4r9ofg/update_i_34f_have_slept_with_both_of_my_best/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) - Year Later
I know it's over a year later and probably no one remembers this post. But I will never forget it because hearing from all you Redditors changed my life and saved my relationship. So if there's anyone here who read my last post, you deserve to know that you were right.
After reading all the comments on the last post, I realized that Sam was not overreacting at all and would have been more than reasonable to break up with me because of this. I showed him my post, and we had a long discussion in which I promised I would never hang out with Rob or John alone again. I told him I loved him so much and he was the most important person in my life and I would do anything to gain his trust back, even if he wanted me to stop seeing my friends altogether. He said that wasn't necessary, and he didn't mind if I saw them alone occasionally, just he would prefer if it were in public, and not late at night or with alcohol involved. He felt sorry for being judgmental of me, but I told him that he was completely right and my relationship with John was inappropriate; I just needed something like this to make me see it. So we moved past it fairly easily and are actually now married. It was a courthouse wedding on our fifth anniversary, very lovely.
Now here's the part where everyone was right. After my conversation with Sam, John and I drifted apart a bit. I still hung out with Rob and his wife, but John broke up with his girlfriend and I no longer felt comfortable being with him alone. So he and I would hang out with Rob, but that happened maybe once or twice a month, where before we would see each other a few times a week. Then last Thanksgiving when Sam and I announced we were getting married, John actually left dinner early. He replied shortly to all my messages, didn't return my calls, and barely spoke to me. I didn't see him again until my wedding in December.
You can guess where this is going. Thankfully nothing happened at the wedding (although that would have made for a great screenplay, as someone in a comment on the last post mentioned). It was a small ceremony—just our families, a couple of Sam's friends, Rob, his wife, and John. We went out to a restaurant for a "reception" dinner and John seemed withdrawn the entire time. I guessed he was not happy that I was married. So since Sam and I got back from our honeymoon in January, I have seen John maybe twice: once for Easter and again for Rob's birthday. I've tried to say hi at work, but he always makes an excuse and walks away. He didn't even come to Sam's birthday last month. After that I decided that I would stop trying to reach out to him, and he could talk to me when he was ready.
Last week he was finally ready. Sam was offered an opportunity to travel abroad for eight months with his job, with me invited to come along. We decided to accept it, and I suppose John saw Sam's Facebook post about it because the next day John sought me out at work. He asked me if I was really leaving the country for eight months, and when I said yes, he asked why I couldn't stay. I asked why he cared if I stayed when we hadn't really spoken in months. He said "I'm sorry... never mind..." and walked away, but at that point it was clearer than ever what was really going on.
So Sam and I are leaving in September. His job will still be waiting for him when he gets back, but I have decided to find a new one. I'm glad that I'll be out of the country for a bit. I feel really stupid to not have realized that John could have feelings for me. There's never been anything there on my end, so I just assumed it was the same for him since we were able to be roommates and FWB. It seems obvious now. Everyone who commented on my last post was spot-on about our relationship not being normal, and I am so glad that Reddit was able to see what I wasn't. I am so deliriously happy in love with my husband. I don't even want to think about what would have happened had I not posted here. So thank you all again, and I hope this update is in some way satisfying.
TL;DR: John had feelings for me for God knows how long, I was a dolt for not seeing it, I don't really spend time with him anymore because I'm now married and I am extremely grateful to this sub for opening my eyes and probably saving my relationship
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | darrow19 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yv8ohl/oop_i_have_slept_with_both_of_my_best_friends_and/ | yv8ohl | 12,447 | 7,411 | [
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"2022-11-14T19:11:14" | Amazon sent me a £2 box of cereal instead of a £1,100 laptop. After several days they claim they have "fully investigated" and won't refund without a police report. Went to the police station who said it's a "civil issue" and won't issue a police report. | CONCLUDED | **I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**
**Originally posted in 2018 by a deleted account in** r/Huawei **and** r/LegalAdviceUK.
&#x200B;
[**\[disc\] Bought a Matebook X Pro in the Black Friday Deals directly from Amazon UK (not reseller) with Prime. Got sent a box of Special K cereal. They won't refund until 5-7 days after I send the cereal back to them**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Huawei/comments/a0ymgq/disc_bought_a_matebook_x_pro_in_the_black_friday/) **\[xpost** r/MatebookXPro**\]** 27 November 2018
[https://i.redd.it/b3hd0xbclx021.jpg](https://i.redd.it/b3hd0xbclx021.jpg) \- Photo of the box of cereal next to the Amazon box.
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
[**Amazon sent me a £2 box of cereal instead of a £1,100 laptop. After several days they claim they have "fully investigated" and won't refund without a police report. Went to the police station who said it's a "civil issue" and won't issue a police report.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/a1hv2f/amazon_sent_me_a_2_box_of_cereal_instead_of_a/) 29 November 2018
I pasted about it here originally:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/Huawei/comments/a0ymgq/disc\_bought\_a\_matebook\_x\_pro\_in\_the\_black\_friday/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Huawei/comments/a0ymgq/disc_bought_a_matebook_x_pro_in_the_black_friday/)
At first I was shocked by how badly amazon were treating me, first saying I needed to return the box of cereal to get refunded. They told me to wait home the next day on Wednesday and then didn't show up to pick up the box of cereal.
Later in the day they told me they conducted a full investigation and said that they delivered the correct item. They wouldn't give me any information but mentioned "tools" and having the correct weight and dimensions recorded on their system.
Next they said I had to fill out a police report to get a refund or replacement. I went to the local police station and reported the matter and they said "This is a civil matter, we cannot investigate this and we cannot give you a police report, you must follow this up with Amazon." So I'm in a catch 22 here.
The laptop is 14 inches diagonally across and the amazon cardboard box has 14.5 inches of space. That would mean the laptop box itself was only 0.25 inches bigger than the laptop and that they didn't pad it. You would also expect a "hazardous materials" sticker on any box containing lithium ion batteries (which all modern laptops contain) , but this was not present on the box. Maybe they did squeeze the laptop inside this barely-big-enough box without padding and somehow the item was replaced in the box at some point during transit, I don't know. There was no tape on the box at all and you can easily pull out one of the cardboard flaps from the inside, take the item out, and put the flap back in.
You hear a lot about Amazon having legendary customer service and I was so shocked by how they treated me about this. It is very upsetting to be told "We delivered the correct item" again and again when you know you got scammed, it feels like Amazon are accusing you of being a liar, of being a criminal.
After a small amount of research I can find reports of similar issues happening to quite a lot of other customers. One person was sent a mop instead of a laptop. The same thing happened to these people too, where Amazon claimed the correct item was sent. I suppose Amazon relented on these due to the media storm that eventually surrounded them, but I don't think my 100 hits on Reddit are enough to make them own up to their mistake here.
The laptop was supposed to arrive on Sunday and the cereal box arrived on Tuesday. Then they made me wait in for a pickup of the cereal box that never happened. They have failed so many times on so many levels and now it also seems like there is a strong possibility that they are also going to keep my money.
EDIT: Got through to met police on twitter who were more helpful than the officer I spoke to this morning in the station. The relevant part of what they said:
"It should be amazon who \[reports the crime\] as they are technically the victim as you have not received the parcel you can't have something stolen from you that you do not yet own."
&#x200B;
[**\[Update\] Amazon sent me a £2 box of cereal instead of a £1,100 laptop. After several days they claim they have "fully investigated" and won't refund without a police report. Went to the police station who said it's a "civil issue" and won't issue a police report.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/a8kgzf/update_amazon_sent_me_a_2_box_of_cereal_instead/)22 December 2018
I eventually got my money back, about 14 days after they sent me the cereal. I still have the stupid box of cereal.
It was emailing [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]) and [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]) that finally got me a response saying they didn't need the police report.
They were rude to the very end though, even after refunding me they told me that they delivered the correct item and that they were only refunding me to "improve your \[my\] customer service experience" followed by a very rude "we won't be responding to any more of your messages on this matter". They also let me know that they will still be making other people get police reports to get their refund and they were just making a special exception for me. I sent them the screenshot of the tweet from the London Met Police saying it was Amazon's responsibility to make the police report but they simply don't care. Nor do they care about my solicitor advice or the advice of the two other police officers I spoke to.
Even if the box had contained the laptop, it's appalling that they would send a laptop in such a small unpadded box with no tape on, that can simply be opened and closed with a flap. Of course they didn't care about this at all when I pointed it out either. Like everything else, they don't engage with any specific thing you actually raise and just repeat themselves like box-ticking parrots.
Since this blew up three other Redditors have contacted me, all in the same position. They are also being asked for police reports and obviously can't get them because it just isn't the damned law of the UK. What's scary is that two of them ordered the exact same laptop as me (although they returned the laptop and were scammed on the return with Amazon claiming to have received an empty box). Here's links to the Reddit posts of people who got scammed with the same laptop:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/MatebookXPro/comments/a3dqfx/very\_worrying\_trend\_another\_case\_of\_missing/ebs9wad/?context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/MatebookXPro/comments/a3dqfx/very_worrying_trend_another_case_of_missing/ebs9wad/?context=3)
[https://www.reddit.com/r/MatebookXPro/comments/a1v5nk/email\_from\_amazon\_uk\_regarding\_the\_return\_of\_the/](https://www.reddit.com/r/MatebookXPro/comments/a1v5nk/email_from_amazon_uk_regarding_the_return_of_the/)
IMO Amazon UK are absolute creeps. It seems like they don't give a damn about the law, all they care about is their own bottom line. They are ass faces and I'll never do business with them again. Their customer service may be great if you have an issue with a small or medium sized item, but it looks like as soon as it's something a bit bigger they become rude, aggressive, inconsiderate and self important.
**Reminder:** **I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**
**Originally posted in 2018 by a deleted account in** r/Huawei **and** r/LegalAdviceUK. | Celany | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yv9d40/amazon_sent_me_a_2_box_of_cereal_instead_of_a/ | yv9d40 | 7,629 | 5,572 | [
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"2022-11-14T19:26:29" | *NEW/FINAL UPDATE* The amount of time my GF has spent sleeping has made me stop loving her | ONGOING | [removed] | InternetAddict104 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yv9sq1/newfinal_update_the_amount_of_time_my_gf_has/ | yv9sq1 | 9 | 2 | [
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"2022-11-14T19:58:13" | My (21M) girlfriend (20F) was raped while in the process of cheating on me. I don't know what to do from here. | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwradvstated1663 in r/relationship_advice**
trigger warnings: >!rape, sexual assault, assault, harassment, doxing, death threats!<
mood spoiler: >!sad!<
---
&nbsp;
[**My (21M) girlfriend (20F) was raped while in the process of cheating on me. I don't know what to do from here.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/iiigtd/my_21m_girlfriend_20f_was_raped_while_in_the/) - 29 August 2020
I've been sitting here for like 15 minutes trying to figure out how to start this. My head is completely spinning, my thoughts are just all over the place.
I guess with the back story, I've been dating Sara ( not using real names ) for just under two years now. She has a close friend John, who she's known since she was a child. I never liked him, he was always a little creepy, blatantly flirted with Sara for the entirety of our relationship and made occasional passes that I was not comfortable.
So cut to like 2 weeks back Sara and I were invited to a gathering/party by a mutual friend. I had a workshop for work that night so I couldn't attend and with current circumstances I was never going to be never inclined to go anyways. I didn't want Sara to go either but she was very adamant and I guess I just didn't want an argument so I said fine. We ended up running into John later that day and he mentioned the same party and asked us if we had been invited as well.
My girlfriend told him she was going but I wasn't and he got this weird smile on his face and said something along the lines of , "if you're going I guess I have to go". Just something about his smile and way he said really rubbed me the wrong way, plus I didn't want to be possessive but the idea of the both of them together all night at a party did not sit with me well. After we got back to our apartment I told her, a bit more firmly this time that I'm not comfortable with her going to the party especially with him there. She told me I was overreacting and shut down the conversation at that.
I'm sure most of you can figure out where this is going, I went to the workshop and she went to the party. It got to be like 2 am and she hadn't gotten home nor was answering my calls, naturally I was incredibly worried. About an hour later one of her friends called me and told me was found unconscious at the party and driven to the hospital. She was raped by John, after spending 2 days including that night at the hospital and talking with police I took her home. She told me John drugged her and dragged her upstairs where it happened in one of the bedrooms (house the party was at is very large). She was an absolute mess, she didn't want to go outside, she wasn't eating, had terrible nightmares.
I did everything I could to comfort her through this process. I was devastated for her and hated to see her like this but, and I know this makes me sound like a terrible person. I don't blame her for John assaulting her but I couldn't get the fact I tried more than once to dissuade her from going to the party and specifically saying her being with John makes me uncomfortable out of my head. I feel I could have done more to protect her and she should have listened to how I felt.
Important side note, turns out John is literal living garbage, after her assault we both felt it was best to get justice. There were drugs in her system and all the physical indications of rape. We immediately filed a restraining order and the police opened an investigation. Within the span on a week after news had gotten around 2 other girls came forward with similar encounter with John, so the guy is basically a serial rapist.
Cut to now, my girlfriend is still in no better shape than she was two weeks ago. She gets panic attacks out of nowhere, she's lost like 15 pounds and absolutely refuses to leave our apartment even to seek therapy. I was committed to taking care of her and being there for her but I got a call from one of my close friends Sam this morning.
It was a long conversation but it basically boiled down to him as well as many others at the party that night saw Sara flirting with John the entire beginning of the party. According to him and people he had been talking to she was at the very least matching if not being the initiator in these exchanges with John. He also recounts that she wasn't blackout drunk or seemingly that out of it and worst of all many saw her holding John's hand taking John upstairs.
At this point I feel like I want to vomit, he told me he wanted the situation to cool down a bit before telling me and was going to tell me after the party what happened but with her being taken to the hospital under the circumstances he didn't feel it was the right time.
I decided to not assume anything and asked her about the specifics about what happened that night. She tried to tell me the same thing that she was drugged and dragged to a bedroom but when I told her what Sam had told me the color completely drained from her face. She started to panic and I did my best to calm her down but it was at least 30 minutes before she could catch her breathe to speak.
She was sobbing but she was coherent enough to understand and basically confessed to cheating on me. She said she was drunk and hadn't been out for so long she wanted some adventure. She admitted she the one that took John to the bedroom and wasn't dragged there against her will.
She kept apologizing and saying it was a terrible mistake and that nothing else was a lie, he did rape her. I believe the last part, as far as I can understand now it was when they were in the bedroom fooling around when he slipped something into here or something like that then he forced himself on her.
I don't know what to do anymore, she was raped but to me the everything before that was her still intending to cheat and actively cheating on me. I am devastated and I don't even want to look at her right now. I left the apartment and am currently at Sam's house. I don't know anything anymore.
She lost her job to Covid, I pay rent for the apartment where her name isn't on the lease and groceries. She's become completely emotionally dependent on me the past few weeks. If I did break up with her she would have nowhere to go and as much as I resent her I don't want something terrible happening to her.
Please help, I need advice, don't know what to do
**tldr**; My girlfriend was raped by a friend at a party I was uncomfortable with her going to. I found out she lied and omitted the fact that she was in the process of sleeping with him that night anyways. She is both financially and emotionally dependent on me and I need advice
**EDIT:**
There's been a lot of responses in a short time so I thought it would be best to address some things here. First off, I've been made aware that 2 posts of somewhat similar situations have to posted to this sub in the past two weeks or so. I don't know what I could post here to prove this is true without exposing my privacy so I'm sorry but all I can do is give you my word I'm just here looking for advice. I don't think this is something someone should be fantasizing for a karma farm, it's completely upended my life.
Second thing is people questioning Sara's account of the events, I didn't include every detail because I'm just trying to get my thoughts out but her story matches the other 2 women who came forward in terms of the pattern of John's behavior. The two other women were also initially in a consensual environment before he drugged them and assaulted them. From what they've said and posted a large part of the reason they didn't come forward was because it started as consensual and they thought that would make them not be believed.
I also didn't want to get too graphic but the nature of Sara's assault was very violent and not something most anybody would consent to so that may be why he drugs them first as well. She had and still has traces of large bruises around her neck and other parts of her body as well as scratches and gashes. I don't really doubt at all she was indeed assaulted. The drug found in her system was ketamine, while Sara did enjoy partying she never did anything harder than weed
Third, Sara has been living abroad for school since starting college. Her parents have been made aware of the situation but coming from a very religious background while concerned for her well being aren't exactly being supportive nor have put in the effort to come see her. She never had many close friend for as long as I've known her other than John. I don't know where she would go if I told her she can't stay at my apartment
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE: My (21M) girlfriend (20F) was raped while in the process of cheating on me. I don't know what do do from here.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ipmhqp/update_my_21m_girlfriend_20f_was_raped_while_in/) - 9 September 2020
Hey everyone, sorry I've taken so long for this update and lack of replies on the previous post. I needed some time to sort out the situation but I did read most as many replies as I could and I appreciate all the advice and messages especially from those who had been put in similar situations as I. I guess I should start by clearing a few things up.
First off, to everyone who thought my story had holes in it, it definitely did and I'm sorry for that. At the time and even now I was missing a lot of information and was filling in holes as best I could with what I had. I also didn't want the post to get too long so I left out information that I guess would have painted a better picture of my situation. I'll try my best to include those missing details. If you're just interested in the update skip down a few paragraphs.
So details about John, he is part of Sara and I's social circle and lives quite close to us, some of the behavior from John towards Sara that made me uncomfortable throughout the course our relationship included; constantly making comments about her body, putting his arm around her every chance he could, asking her to go with him on trip to europe last summer just the two of them, poking her breasts when she's wearing tight clothing, saying things like I'm lucky I met her when I did or she would've been with him by now, etc.
It's not any one thing but a cumulation of everything that made me uncomfortable with her spending a lot of time with him. She never encouraged his behavior at least when I was around but didn't actively discourage it either despite we openly talking to her about my boundaries. She just brushed it off as them knowing each other for so long and being comfortable with one another.
A few smaller details I guess were relevant I should mention. One, we are not in the US, Covid while still obviously an issue in our country our area is relatively Covid free and everyone going to the party Sara went to were part of our larger social circle. It was at a large condo a friend of ours was renting for the summer it was not some open invite party with 100+ people. Still dumb I know, there were 30-ish maybe forty people there so in hindsight yeah no one should have been at the party to begin with..
Lastly, clearing up both Sara and I's financial situation. I am lucky enough to have my parents paying for my tuition whatever scholarships didn't cover so I can focus my resources on just day to day living cost like rent, groceries etc. Sara on the other hand was pretty much thrown to the wolves after finishing highschool. Her parents like I stated in my edit are very religious and very controlling so they told Sara they were only going to pay for her schooling if she went to a local college. She refused and came to my school.
She lived in residency for her first two years which was covered by financial aid, I got my apartment about a year ago and with Covid and her not wanting to go back home we decided it would be best if she moved in with me. Her finances are basically completely tied up on tuition and student loans so I offered to keep paying full rent despite her living with me full time.
**Actual Update:**
Oh boy I wish I could say things have gotten more clear in the past week but honestly it's been a total clusterf*ck and it's only gotten worse. I spent a few days at Sam's reaching out to friends trying to get a clearer picture of what happened that night before going back to talk to Sara. I got told same story multiple times, that she was the one who started flirting with John and led him upstairs. I should say right now in my first conversation with Sara confronting her she didn't explicitly say she had intended to sleep with him that night she just confirmed she took him upstairs.
She was basically having panic attack throughout the entire conversation so I had a hard time pushing for clarity. So by this point in my heart I was trying to find any excuse at all for her to save our relationship but my mind was telling me that the relationship was over at least for the time being but as many of you commented despite my obviously grief in losing a 2 year relationship I decided I'd be willing to let her stay in my apartment again rent free to at least the end of October to sort out other living arrangements and support.
I called her about 3 days after staying at Sam's and told her I'm willing to listen to her side of the story but I need the complete truth about everything and she agreed so I went back to my apartment later that evening. We sat down and I asked her about what really happened that night. She started crying right away but not panicking and told she had to tell me something about herself. Sara has always been into the partying scene more than me, I've never really been comfortable around drugs and that environment in general but I went with her anyways about once a month or so. Her on the other hand would have girls' nights out and parties pretty much every weekend.
Right at the beginning of our relationship I told her I'm not really comfortable being with someone that is in involved with hard drug use, my brother has a history of addiction and I've seen what it can do to somebody and the people around them. She told me that's fine since she only drinks and smokes weed occasionally.
Well it turns out for about a year now she started doing harder drugs at parties when I'm not there and her "girls' nights" were often just her and some from our social circle John included going to a friends apartment to do shrooms. I was shocked to say the least and I didn't even know what to think in that moment, I just tried to ask her more about what happened on the night she was assaulted and if she was intending on cheating on me that night.
She comes clean and tells me she did lead John upstairs but swears she wasn't trying to sleep with him but wanted drugs. He told her it was cocaine but obviously it was not since only fentanyl and alcohol showed up in her system at the hospital. She told me he immediately started coming on to her but she tried to fight him off but eventually she was too drugged out to fight back.
After consoling her for a while I asked her what her relationship with John was really like before and if they did anything together before what happened that night. She admitted that they made out a few times before around Christmas last year but promised it didn't go any further than that. She was begging me to forgive her and that she needs me in her life. That she just was in a rebellious phase because of her upbringing. I didn't know what to believe anymore and still don't to be honest.
I just was completely overwhelmed by everything, so I told her I needed to clear my head and left again. Sam was nice enough to let me stay at his place again. I talked to some of my friends she said she was doing drugs with and they confirmed, I was pretty upset at them for hiding it from me but they told me she basically forced them to keep it a secret from me.
It feels like so much of my relationship was a lie, she wasn't the person I thought she was and she lied constantly for who knows how long. At this point my mind is basically made up so I call her and told her it's over but she can stay at my apartment till the end of October but only if she finds a therapist and gets help during that time.
She basically lost it during the call but my mind was made up so I just said I'd be staying at Sam's for a while and hung up. I wish that was the last of the sh*t that happened but literally a day after that I start getting spammed with hate messages and calls from friends, relatives and people I don't even know.
Turns out she's posted all over social media about how I was breaking up with her because she was raped and was kicking her out with nowhere to go in these COVID times. She also wrote that I've been emotionally abusing her after her assault, victim blaming her and stopping her from getting an therapist. I'm completely lost, I'm furious, heartbroken, I can't even describe all the emotions I felt.
I called her again that night and told her she has two weeks to move out now and I don't want to hear from her again. I had to spend the past week playing damage control, trying to clear my name on social media calling friends and family. I was ostracized by co-workers though luckily my boss was on my side, I was getting doxed, death threats, my life basically fell apart. Sam thank god was completely understanding through all of this and said I could stay at his place until Sara moved out.
She's moving out on Friday but I don't want to go back to that apartment anyone. I've had to cut out friends, my reputation is now in the garbage. I lost the first and only person I've ever loved, I don't know anymore. I lowkey want to die but I'll find a therapist sooner or later. I just feel numb to everything. I don't even know if I'm right or wrong in this situation anymore. I hope I haven't rambled on too much, I know this post is really long but thank you really for everyone who showed support in the last post, it meant a lot.
**TLDR**: Girlfriend lied to me about the night she was raped. Turns out she was with him that night to get drugs, had being doing hard drugs behind my back for months, cheated on me with the friend that ended up assaulting her and then lied on social media about how I had been emotionally abusing despite my best effort to support her causing my life to fall apart.
**Edit:**
Someone’s comment made me realize she’s was still lying to me the second time I talked to her. She changed her story about what she was drugged with and I didn’t even realize. I was not told by the hospital what she had in her system and I’m not very knowledgeable on drugs in general, all that information I had came from Sara. I don’t even know if she was drugged against her will at all at this point. God, I’m doubting everything now, this is not the person I thought she was. I don’t even care, she’s out of my life now
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yvapvy/my_21m_girlfriend_20f_was_raped_while_in_the/ | yvapvy | 19,034 | 6,578 | [
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"2022-11-14T20:09:11" | *NEW UPDATES* The amount of time my GF has spent sleeping has made me stop loving her | ONGOING | The amount of time my GF has spent sleeping has made me stop loving her
\*\*I am NOT OP. Original post by [u/SleepyGFThrowaway16](https://www.reddit.com/u/SleepyGFThrowaway16/) in [r/TrueOffMyChest](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/) and [r/relationship\_advice](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/)\*\*
trigger warnings: none
mood spoilers: >!sad!<
I posted this before but there’s a new update, so I marked it with a line so you can skip to it if you want.
Just a reminder, I am not OP. I appreciate the concern, but I am not the person who wrote these posts. Whoever reported me to RedditCare, I appreciate the concern, but you reported the wrong person. [u/InternetAddict104](https://www.reddit.com/u/InternetAddict104/) (me, the person who posted on BoRU) is a woman, and she has never had a gf, with or without sleeping problems. Please do not harass me or report me for harm as I have done neither.
\---
[The amount of time my GF has spent sleeping has made me stop loving her](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/xzo2np/the_amount_of_time_my_gf_has_spent_sleeping_has/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) \- Oct 9 2022
I sound awful but you have no idea.
She always slept more than me. That's fine. Lately it's been just too much.
She falls asleep at say 10pm then wakes up after 12pm. Some days even after 2pm. Then she takes a nap like 2 hours later for somewhere between 3 - 6 hours.
I think my final straw was yesterday. She woke up at 9, then took a 6 hour nap at 11. Then after waking up at 5ish, cleaned for an hour, then took a 5 hour nap after that. She spent 11 hours of her daytime sleeping.
I'll get hate for this as well but it's affected our sex life. Every time I say I'm in the mood she falls asleep. I don't mean she says "not tonight" and falls asleep, I mean she just falls asleep. One time it was the afternoon we both had off and I suggested it. She was excited, went to bed, and I went time freshen up a bit. I came back like 3 minutes later and she was passed out. I get I'm not owed sex but I'm having a dry spell because she just sleeps.
I keep telling her this isn't normal and she needs to see a doctor but she refuses. She says I'm controlling because I can't have her all the time. She seems to think it's normal for people to sleep 20 hours a day. I just stopped caring now. I can't leave her but she makes me feel ignored for her bed.
Edit: A few have harkened on the sex life I mentioned. No, it is not my only concern. It was the most reoccurring pattern. We've had dry spells, some for 2 months, and there's no issue. She could say no and I'd be fine. The difference is her saying "no" versus saying she wants to, then falling asleep within 3 minutes every time.
There's other issues as well: she'll forget to feed the cat, do dishes on her day to, and has me cook almost everything. The difference is that those can be on and off where some days she does and others she doesn't.
[Update: the amount of time my gf has spent sleeping has made me stop loving her.](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/y0fxgg/update_the_amount_of_time_my_gf_has_spent/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) \- Oct 10 2022
Hi everyone, even those hearing it on Tik Tok with gameplay in the background. I didn't expect it to blow up but it did. I wanted to clarify some things first.
We're both 28. I work full time, she had a full time job but she quit two months ago. Since then she had been looking for work but the sleep issues started 2 weeks ago.
My biggest mistake was mentioning our sex life as people took it to mean I cared more about sex than her. It was the easiest thing to show how my frustration had built up. Obviously I care about her health too. I said before we've gone for months without sex and I've had no problems. And even if we had sex, I would still be concerned. But I get how it comes off and that was my mistake.
As for the people calling me an asshole because I didn't take her to the doctor, what was I supposed to do? She's an adult and I can't make her go somewhere. Plus after she called me controlling I couldn't continue pushing since I was reminded of my ex who was.
Also a lot said I didn't care or was selfish. I was frustrated over what I was seeing and wanted my old gf back. I wanted her to be better. You can say that makes me a horrible person if you wish.
The update:
I took some of your advice and first told her parents. They can't make her do anything but they know now.
I gave her an ultimatum: get help or I leave. I made it clear I will not sit around as she sleeps all day. It's not normal and she needs help. I said I will help any way I can.
Long story short, we broke up. She got mad saying she was just more tired and it'll be fine. In that moment I knew I didn't love her anymore. How could I love someone who says I'm concerned and call me a manipulate asshole? It was her apartment so I left. I called her parents again to let them know and to take her cat since I could not.
I know I'll get hate but I don't know what else to do. She refused my help, and I can't help someone who doesn't want it.
I had to move in with my parents again. I feel like a failure. A 28 year old man stuck with mommy and daddy all because he was too weak to make it work. Idk if it's the right feeling, but it's how I feel.
Hate me all you want, I just don't care anymore.
➖➖➖➖➖
[Final Update/Clarification: the amount of time my gf has spent sleeping has made me stop loving her.](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ygwns6/final_updateclarification_the_amount_of_time_my/) \- Oct 29 2022
Bit of an update
It's been some time. I did get a lot of support but also a lot of hate as well. Regardless of how you feel i think you'd all like an update.
Her parents updated me saying she finally went to the doctor and was diagnosed with narcolepsy and minor depression. Although I have doubts they seem to think my leaving caused her to finally go. I said I'll help them/her if they need to as well. I'm just glad she finally did something.
And no she's not pregnant. A lot kept asking that, so she isn't.
I also wanted to addresses some things many said to me.
I work from home, that's how I knew she was sleeping a lot.
As for there being issues before, there were some but the big one looking back was her quitting her job and not consulting me first. Considering we lived together and split finances, and also never told me why she quit, I was not a fan of that. Had she told me why or consulted me first that would be different.
A lot seemed to thing 2 weeks wasn't enough, and how I wasn't sticking by her enough. Maybe it was quick, but for two weeks she was barely awake it became almost like taking care of a toddler. Even when I suggested help she constantly told me I was controlling and said I was just like my ex (who was very controlling). I didn't want to stick around someone who did nothing all day and then said it was normal and attacked me for it.
As for not standing by her, I would have had she shown effort or communicated. Let me ask to those who criticized me: if your partner quit their job without consulting you, leaving you the sole income, never explained why, stopped looking for work after a month, started to sleep 20 hours a day and then said you're a controlling asshole because you said it's not normal, would you have stayed? Its easy to say you would have without experiencing it.
A smaller one is some said I was wrong because doctors aren't helpful to women. I understand the medical field has a long history of sexism, however don't dismiss the entire field. It's minor but I am concerned for the women who think this way. They will and can help you. If you don't agree with what they tell you, get another opinion.
I get I come off defensive, but you would be too after you see thousands cheering for your downfall and calling you the worst boyfriend ever. Not just here but on other platforms too (this blew up more than expected and came into my feeds).
Rant over.
Thanks for all the support, I hope everyone reading has a good day. I don't think I'll give another update unless something major happens.
[My (28m) ex (28f) wants to get back together but I don't know if I should.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/yo3csd/my_28m_ex_28f_wants_to_get_back_together_but_i/) \- Nov 6 2022
Hello everyone.
I need to add this backstory for it to get an idea why I'm debating it.
We dated for 3 years and lived together. About 2 months ago she quit her job. She never consulted me beforehand, nor did she ever give me a reason why after the fact despite me asking. I stopped asking because she kept saying it was none of my business, despite the fact we lived together and she put all the financial burden on me.
After about a month of looking for work she just stopped. I work from home, so I saw all she did was do some chores (she expected me to do the majority still) and just watch shows on her phone. Maybe she needed a break I thought. I let her know if she needs help she can talk to me.
Then she started sleeping more and more. Like excessively; 17-20 hours a day. I said after a couple days of it she might want to see a doctor and she lashed out at me saying it's normal and to stop acting like my ex. TLDR my ex was controlling and abusive and she knows how much ex hurt me. This pattern repeated any time i suggested it wasn't ok.
After a couple weeks I gave an ultimatum: try and get help or I'm gone. She threw the same shit she said before in my face and even said if I left I was a little bitch. I had enough, and left.
Now she's diagnosed with narcolepsy (her parents told me, who I informed about her issues before I left), and from what I heard is adjusting ok. Now my ex has contacted me saying now I can come back because everything is ok. A TLDR is "the problem's solved so you can come back".
But I feel conflicted. I still somewhat love her, but after all that I don't think I can go back. She put all financial burden on me and refused to say why, then when I was concerned threw my trauma in my face. I get she wasn't 100% mentally ok but it doesn't feel right to go back with the possibility that could happen again.
On the other hand as well I don't get many women interested in me. She's my second partner ever, and I don't look good or converse really well. If I don't go back I could die alone, and I don't want that.
I just don't know. Can anyone give me advice?
——— ——— ———
In case you missed it at the top- Just a reminder, I am not OP. I appreciate the concern, but I am not the person who wrote these posts. Whoever reported me to RedditCare, I appreciate the concern, but you reported the wrong person. [u/InternetAddict104](https://www.reddit.com/u/InternetAddict104/) (me, the person who posted on BoRU) is a woman, and she has never had a gf, with or without sleeping problems. Please do not harass me or report me for harm as I have done neither. | InternetAddict104 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yvb22m/new_updates_the_amount_of_time_my_gf_has_spent/ | yvb22m | 11,064 | 4,513 | [
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"2022-11-14T20:28:53" | OOP - I've been informed by a solicitor that my husband is having an affair. | ONGOING | I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/anoncheatedthrowra in r/trueoffmychest.
[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/y27qij/ive_been_informed_by_a_solicitor_that_my_husband/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (12 Oct 22)
**I've been informed by a solicitor that my husband is having an affair**
Yesterday morning I was contacted by a solicitor. I was confused because I don't have any need for one for anything. She told me that her client is seeking a divorce from his wife due to the wife having an affair. Their investigator found the affair is with my husband and the client asked the solicitor to inform me since my husband is married. She provided me with proof of the affair. My brother-in-law is to be married on Saturday. My husband is the best man and is already there to assist with everything.
Me and my 5 month-old daughter were supposed to leave on Friday morning to join them. My husband is unaware that I know. I am shocked but the proof is right in front of my eyes. I haven't told anyone but I have asked me sister to come over after work. I'm going to ask if my daughter and me can stay with her. I don't think I can face him at the wedding. I don't want to hear excuses. My sister's husband is a solicitor and while he does not do divorces I'll ask if he can recommend someone. I have to talk to my sister but I'm mostly just getting my thoughts out on here because I feel entirely scattered.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yoxc5j/update_ive_been_informed_by_a_solicitor_that_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (8 Nov 22)
**Update - I've been informed by a solicitor that my husband is having an affair**
My update:
I told my husband I had been exposed to covid and could not attend the wedding. My sister helped pack and she is letting me and my daughter stay with her until I find a flat. (Someone I work with has a family member who has one up that I can afford that's available in January.) When my husband returned home on the Monday there was a note telling him I knew about the affair. The husband of the other woman was going to be filing for divorce later that week and I would not be far behind. My sister's husband is a solictor and he recommended a divorce solictor to me. My husband and I both have jobs. We don't own a home. At the advice of my solictor I opened a new bank account for myself but I did not touch any of our joint accounts. I'm not stopping my husband from seeing our daughter and my solictor said the law will favour sharing of custody. Unless it is about our daughter I told my husband to have his solictor talk to mine. I won't discuss anything else with him.
Once we have been separated for 2 years we can get a divorce. My solictor said there is no way to shorten the time requirement.
Thank you everyone who showed me kindness.
**Reminder - I'm not the OOP** | prettiergenghis | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yvbmhr/oop_ive_been_informed_by_a_solicitor_that_my/ | yvbmhr | 3,035 | 5,837 | [
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"2022-11-14T22:16:37" | Reddit helps a homeless man | REPOST | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/kingofarms in r/talesfromyourserver**
---
&nbsp;
[**I honestly like my new homeless regular.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromYourServer/comments/k1c071/i_honestly_like_my_new_homeless_regular/) - 26 November 2020
I'm going to ramble a while and I'm probably going to wind up deleting this, but I'm going to type this out anyways.
I'm talking about my dive bar job, so if that's not allowed in the serving subreddit downvote me and I'll delete this.
I live half hour from my job at a slow dive bar. There's a new girl that might hate it because it's so slow, and she asked me "Why the fuck do you work HERE?" I looked at her and said "Have you MET these people?" I can go on about the customers and how I spent literally my entire shift laughing, but I'm starting small and talking about Jay.
The first time I saw him, he walked in, went to the bathroom, and left. He said hi and bye. I was like "k? Thanks?" But went on with my life. Later that day, he came back trying to talk up his dollar coins. I don't collect them personally, but if you want to pay for them they're legit currency and I'll accept them.
Anyways, turns out, there was a person nearby that happens to collect those coins and bought them from Jay off the spot(Face value; they paid $1 each for the $1 coins). Jay turned around and bought beer with that. He stayed a while and I'm not gonna lie, I was sketched out this night and had someone be there with me because I didn't know this dude.
Next day I worked, Jay came in and ordered a water. One of my coworkers was there hanging out and she bought him a beer. Later, she told me that he's homeless living out of his car. I had no idea. But now that's a thing that I know.
About a week later, Jay came into some money. I only know this because he walked in, bought himself a beer, bought this other dude Jim a beer, and asked about my coworker that bought him a beer that day talking about how he needs to thank her.
It turns out Jay served in the military. Jim also served and let Jay know how he could benefit from being a veteran. He told him where to go and what to do. I was honestly happy to see that Jay was doing better.
Jay is there a lot now. This has all happened in the course of the last month. I know I'm supposed to try to keep homeless out of the bar, but there's times I don't want to take out my trash and I'll offer a customer a beer to take out the trash.
I went up to one of the people I usually ask and told him today, "Don't get offended. I know Jay doesn't have much money and he is the person I'm going to ask."
Another customer came to me today to gossip, like "Did you know he's homeless?" Yes. Yes I did. But he's not bothering anybody. The people he talks to actually enjoy his company.
"So you just let him come in here and hang out so he has a place to be?" Absolutely. I look for excuses to give him a free beer. And if he has money, he uses it to give back to the people that help him. He has given me no reason to think anything bad about him, and I honestly don't think he's going to.
He's fallen on hard times, and I'm happy he found his way into my bar. I like having him there, and so do my patrons. Also, he tips a dollar a beer because I know the tip question is coming
TL;DR: Don't read this. I'm rambling. My newest regular is homeless, but I am so happy to have him there.
**Update:**
You are all incredible. I wasn't expecting the response I got or any awards. I created a Venmo just for this. GivingBackToJay
**Update 2:**
I called my coworker and told her about this wonderful thing I accidentally did, and how amazing strangers on the internet are. So far almost up to $100 and I only created the Venmo not even two hours ago. I work my other job all weekend, but I work that dive bar Monday. My coworker wants to be there when I tell Jay. I will post an update with his response when the exchange actually happens.
**Update 3:**
I've been busy with Thanksgiving things so I'm sorry I haven't updated. But my phone has been blowing up all day and we've reached over $700. I honestly hope this man is as good as I think he is because every dime is going to him. It's not going to be a gift card, it's not going to be a bar tab. I'm going to give him the option to transfer it to him directly or transfer it to myself and give him cash.
**Update 4:**
Gave him the money. Made new post last night!!!
&nbsp;
[**Update: I genuinely like my new homeless regular. A lot of people trusted me with their money and I'm back to deliver.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromYourServer/comments/k4dnm1/update_i_genuinely_like_my_new_homeless_regular_a/) - 1 December 2020
Hi guys! Today was the day--I just got home from work and I came straight to Reddit to update you all.
In case you missed it, I made a post last week about how I genuinely like a homeless man that comes into my bar and it got a LOT of traction. A lot of people wanted to give this man money and they sent it to me. After all was said and done, the final amount was about $710. I rounded it up to $720 and put it in an envelope.
I got off work early Saturday and went to the bar to see him, but he wasn't there. But he was there today, and I'm going to explain how things went down.
Now, I'm extremely against putting peoples' business out there, especially at their lows, so I did not record this. I did not tell anybody at work aside from one bartender, and she told our most trusted regular Geri. I did get a picture of him holding up a sign to thank you all, which I will include when the time is right in these words. I gave him an option to show his face; He chose not to, but I can assure you that it's his handwriting. Now that I'm done with that rambling, I'm going to tell you about today.
I got to work today and Jay was there, napping in his car(He usually doesn't choose our parking lot as his napping spot btw). I was happy to see Jim was there also, and literally one other person was sitting at the bar.
Jay came in shortly after I walked in. We did shift change and everything. I overheard him telling Jim he met another homeless person and he offered to let that person sleep in his car. I was nervous at first hoping so hard that my opinion of this man isn't wrong, but hearing that put my mind at ease a bit.
Jay then asked for a cigarette. I gave him one and mentioned I might have a pack of Senecas in my car I wouldn't mind giving him(Cheap cigarettes from out of state. $30/carton. I have a guy). He said "You would forever be my best friend if you do that for me." In my head I was like "Lol you have no idea."
He went outside. I grabbed beers for my bar and ran out there. He walked in as I was walking out, and I said "Jay, I need to talk to you." His face dropped and he asked "Did I do something wrong?" I said no, and we went outside.
I'm paraphrasing here, but this is basically what I said: "I've been told that you are living out of your car. I also noticed the one day you had money, you used it to give back to the people that helped you. I made an anonymous post on the internet--Dont worry, I changed your name--I can show you the post if you'd like and the comments--A LOT of people saw it and a LOT of people wanted to give you money." I pulled the envelope from under my jacket and handed it to him. "In this envelope, there's $720. This is for YOU."
I wish I had words to describe his face when I said this. Immediately, he was like "Are you serious? You did this? I want you to have half." I declined. He said "Please take something. What about $200?" I said no. I told him that this money was given to me specifically to give to him. Jay gave me a hug and thanked me. He was thanking me all night, actually.
When he was sitting at the bar, he asked again if he could give me a good portion of the money, and again I stressed to him "I did not do this. A bunch of people that don't know who either of us are did this. I want NOTHING in return. That is your money" and I showed him the nice messages on Venmo and told him that HE is Jay(Sorry guys that's not actually his name).
He said "I want to thank these people. How can I thank them?" I told him you'd probably be okay with him holding up a sign(If you're not I'll find another way. Guaranteed he'll be back). I gave him a dry erase board and some markers. He held up the sign but did not want to show his face.
Here's that sign:
https://imgur.com/gallery/UzL1OIR
He then proceeded to buy the three people sitting at the bar drinks, laid down a $20, and told me to keep the rest. Then he left to go to the store and get a pack of real smokes.
He got back around the time Geri got there, and he bought her beer and gave her $5 to thank her for giving him cigarettes when he didn't have any. He stayed a little longer, then left again. Came back with about 6 people. I've seen some of them before--They go to other bars in the area, barely see them at mine. He got them a round and introduced me to his best friend, who had never been to my bar before.
Later on, we were out smoking and his best friend asked "Were you the one that did that for him?" I stressed again that it was you guys; I caused this, but I can't take full credit. I'm the middle man, essentially.
This man explained to me how grateful he is that I did this, and we fist bumped. I said "I'm just looking out for a fellow human being." His friends only let him buy one round also and insisted they pay for the rest of their things, so there's that too. Jay didn't spend it all at the bar. Today was a good day.
TL;DR: You all did an amazing thing for a homeless man just because I said I liked him. He is extremely grateful, and I'm so happy I got to be a part of this.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yveg5b/reddit_helps_a_homeless_man/ | yveg5b | 9,819 | 2,264 | [
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"2022-11-14T22:28:29" | AITA for not giving 24 hours notice to my daughter's roommates before dropping something off | CONCLUDED | SignificantAd3761 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yveqmo/aita_for_not_giving_24_hours_notice_to_my/ | yveqmo | 0 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-15T00:16:46" | AITA for snapping at my brother because he’s why we moved? | REPOST | **I am not OP.**
Posted by u/donthateondebate on r/AmItheAsshole
TW: >!Mention of racism!<
&nbsp;
[**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fwv5rx/aita_for_snapping_at_my_brother_because_hes_why/) _- April 8, 2020_
Me - 14F Brother (Daniel) - 16M
I used to live in City X, I was born and raised there. All my friends are here, all extracurricular opportunities I have are here (i.e. the debate circuit is very strong here, connections I’ve cultivated for youth activism, good internship opportunities), etc. But my brother fucked up big time about a year ago and ruined it all for us.
I’m not going to go into the exact nature of what he did, but it was BAD. He didn’t do something that would have serious legal consequences or anything. But it was stupid, incredibly problematic, and got him landed in enough shit for it to get spread throughout social media. He also got in trouble with the school, and he claimed he couldn’t stay there because his reputation is ruined. Personally, I think he should’ve thought of that BEFORE HE DID IT.
My parents were mad, but they got sympathetic because he said he was getting bullied & they wanted to protect his future, so they moved him to 2 other high schools, but it ended in the same way because everyone knew what happened anyways. So my parents & him decided to move to an entirely different state, in City Y, without consulting me at all.
My brother’s future is important, but why should my future be sacrificed just because he fucked up? City Y is super small and has way shittier schools, and doesn’t have a debate league. I also had to leave all my friends behind. No one knows about what my brother did, so he’s happy, my parents are happy he’s happy. I’m the only one who’s not happy. At the risk of sounding cocky, I had a really good future in my extracurriculars. Like definitely could’ve shaped up to be one of the best nationally according to a lot of people, if I had the right coaching and competition. I could’ve gotten scholarships to great schools for it! But no Daniel had to get himself into deep shit, and drag me into it too.
I’ve been here for 4 months now, and I didn’t talk to my brother at all for the first two months. Now we’re all at home, and my frustrations are building everytime I see him. So at dinner, my brother was talking about his college prospects with my parents, and I was just so frustrated that I snapped. Our conversation went like:
Him: I think I have a good shot at getting into [state school]
Me: Like hell you do, with the shit you did last year. If you think running away to a different city and ruining my life can make what you did go away, then you’re in for a fucking treat.
Him: You’re such a fucking bitch, get over it already
Mom: donthateondebate, stop blaming your brother, you need to start adjusting to City Y, apologize for what you said.
Dad: [state school] won’t know
Me: I’ll email every single college you apply to with the screenshots and evidence if we don’t move back to City X, thats a promise not a threat
My parents got really furious with me for that, but I’m not joking. AITA or my brother/parents?
---------------------------
_Comments from OP for additional context, (combined from multiple comments)_
>Daniel went on a racist rant (calling poc students he didn’t like racial slurs, saying things like “that’s why we need segregation again”, etc.) and he posted it on his main snapchat story instead of his private one (with all his little racist buddies), and accidentally left it up for hours.
>Obviously there was a lot of backlash against him from students of color, but he just complained about them being sensitive snowflakes/sjw’s. Our parents made him write apologies to the kids he called slurs, but he sure dragged his feet doing it. He tried to get ME to write one for him. So yeah, not a lot of remorse.
>His only punishments were getting grounded for two months, having to write those letters, and making him delete social media (he redownloaded them all three weeks later, and they just let him). My parents are pretty indulgent of him.
&nbsp;
[**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gn4gy2/update_aita_for_snapping_at_my_brother_because/) _- May 20, 2020_
Hello Reddit. Before I begin, I’d like to thank everyone for how supportive they have been in response to my last post. I’ve gotten a lot of PM’s about helping me with debate, and advice, which is greatly appreciated. I haven’t really gotten a chance to give y’all an update, and you’ll see why.
So as background, my uncle Randy (not real name of course), doesn’t have kids, but he’s dating my aunt Rebecca (technically girlfriend, but it’s been 8 years, so she’s family). They live across the country in City Z, which is a great place, not as nice as City X for debate, but definitely better than City Y. Since they live pretty far away, we only really see them on holidays, the years we spend it with dad’s family.
Randy is very well-off, I don’t know how much he makes exactly, but I’ve stayed at his house & it’s very nice for a place in City Z. And it’s not his only one. He’s very generous, and he has set up college funds for me, Daniel, and Rebecca’s little brother (Ricky). I’d still rather get a scholarship than use Randy’s money, because I don’t want to be a burden. Ricky is younger than me, so sometimes I tutor him over the phone, we’re pretty close. I also talk to my uncle fairly frequently, we talk about politics together. However, he doesn’t really speak to/like Daniel, because he’s rude to Rebecca.
Anyways, I was helping Ricky with his math homework shortly after my original post, when I just started to cry. I don’t really know what came over me, but I haven’t told anyone about how upset I was before then, because there’s so much else going on in the world. Ricky and I talked, and I found out that my parents actually told the entire family the reason we were moving was because City Y had a better debate circuit & they believed it because no one else does debate. I hadn’t discussed the move with them, because I bottle my emotions, and they didn’t really ask me about the move because they assumed I wanted it.
I ended up talking to my uncle about it, and we had a really great conversation about it. He’s extremely angry at my parents, and Daniel. This was the second to last straw for him, and he ended up removing half of Daniel’s college fund & split it into me & Ricky’s funds. Daniel was very upset, because he’d been relying on that money and our parents hadn’t saved up. So he threw my phone down the stairs. Then I emailed my uncle from my laptop, and he revoked the rest of Daniel’s college fund too. My parents are quite angry at me too, because it’s not like they can come up with $200k by the time Daniel goes to college. My uncle has offered for me to come stay with them in City Z, which I have taken him up on. He also generously bought me a new phone, which I’m writing this post with right now.
Edit: I’ve gotten A LOT of messages, and I can’t really answer them all, so I’ll just address the most common questions.
What did your brother do? Posted a racist snapchat rant on his public story instead of private, I don’t want to go too into detail besides that.
Is [insert video of racist kid] your brother? Either way, I’m not going to confirm or deny it. However, I’m really impressed at the variety of racist kids vaguely fitting Daniel’s description you guys have managed to find.
Have your parents agreed to you moving in with your uncle? Short answer yes. Long answer — took a lot of pressure from other family members, but they conceded. I’ll be with them on holidays.
And yes, I agree, my uncle is fantastic! I’m a very lucky niece to have him :)
------------
*Comments from OP for additional context*
>When my brother isn’t being passive-aggressive, he’s ignoring me. Usually when we make eye contact he’ll just walk into a different room and slam the door really loudly or game with his friends & complain about his “bitch sister” (our rooms are next to each other). My parents are upset, they think the whole situation has blown up a lot more than they wanted, especially considering that a lot of the family is upset that they lied. They’ve calmed down a lot, but occasionally my mom will beg me to convince my uncle to change his mind. So frosty is the term I’d use. | rainingsakuras | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yvhc84/aita_for_snapping_at_my_brother_because_hes_why/ | yvhc84 | 8,456 | 12,131 | [
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"2022-11-15T05:33:53" | OOP - Husband stopped inviting me to his work events and it's because the guys made fun of my boobs. | CONCLUDED | I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/old-county-4070 in r/trueoffmychest.
Trigger Warning - >!objectification, sexual harassment!<
[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yihe73/husband_stopped_inviting_me_to_his_work_events/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (31 Oct 22)
**husband stopped inviting me to his work events and it's because the guys made fun of my boobs.**
My husband and I have been together for 9 years. He started his company with some friends of his a year after. He is the major owner. They have 120 employees now. 80% men.
About a year ago my husband has stopped taking me to company parties, events, dinners etc. He always made up some excuse about taking MIL instead or some other family member also sometimes he didn't tell me at all that there was some event and just went by himself (the smaller events). He said it was because he wanted the rest of the family to celebrate him too. I was a bit hurt but I thought that he was probably right. He is now in a big city in Europe, on a big launch of a product. He took SIL with him. I admit that I cried when he excluded me this time too because this was a big deal for his company but he promised that he would take me on a luxury vacation instead just the two of us. This is his thing now every time I'm excluded I get a trip or jewelries .
I'm good friends with the other wives (the owners) and one of them is 8 months pregnant so she wasn't in that city. She was surprised to know that I was home too so we planned a lunch this is when she told me about an incident that happened at my husbands work. In one of the conference rooms somebody forgot to turn the projector off from the previous meeting. The conference rooms are located in the middle with glasswork walls and doors so everybody can see inside. On the big screen, there was a list of names. The wive's of the owners and some of the management and my name was first 1 with 2,3,4.....10 empty and the next name on 11. My husband heard about this and they had an intern investigation and it tuned out that group of co-workers were having fun ranking boobs of the wives. My husband was very angry. The wife who was telling m was very surprised that I didnt know because this had created a buzz apparently and her husband told her about it. she assumed my husband told me too but he didnt. when I asked her when this was, it was around the same time my husband stopped inviting me to his parties.
I'm so hurt and embarrassed now. I didn't know he was (ashamed?) of me. I'm 100 procreant sure this is the reason why he doesn't want me there and I don't know if I should confront him about it. I haven't done anything wrong and at least I deserve to know what's been going on behind my back. I'm just so mad.
\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_
sorry, it is hard for me to know what to include and not include. maybe some details are unnecessary and that I left out important details.
almost none of the guys from that group work there anymore
\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_
I never wear provocative or revealing clothes. it makes me more sad because if he is blaming me then I don't know what I should have worn on the events
\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_
thank you for your comments. the majority seems to believe that my husband's reaction was the right and healthy one because he loves me and wants to protect me. the love part I understand. we both love each other but the protect me part? I'm 38 and I can stand up for myself. would it be okay if the roles were reversed? do I have any rights to keep him away if it was his D that was ranked by my colleagues? I'm not something to be hidden and protected. I don't know. I don't mean to offend the people that comment because I'm not ungrateful but I really want to understand.
\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_
&#x200B;
[Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ymc3yv/update_husband_stopped_inviting_me_to_his_work/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (5 Nov 22)
**Update. Husband stopped inviting me to his work events and it's because the guys made fun of my boobs.**
Hi again, I have a little update, I hope I don't ramble away your whole evening tho. I don't know how to feel about everything right now. Before I update I want to address something. I stand by the title. I got many messages, probably from men, asking why I called it "making fun" when they were rating me "high". Let me tell you this: unsolicited compliments are harassment. A bunch of men that I don't know or care about discussing my and other women bodies is not cute. I don't feel special and I don't get any satisfaction nor confidence from it. I know this will bring more hate in the dms but this is the dark side of the internet and I'm aware of it so bring your best misogynistic shit on! I will report anybody who steps over my boundaries tho. Second: I think I made the top of the list basically because my husband is the owner not because I'm humble bragging about my "hotness".
My husband arrived this morning, maybe I should have waited until tomorrow to talk to him and just spend today cuddling. Oh well. I made it till lunch after his nap. I told him about my lunch with the other wife and asked him if he stopped taking me to company events because of what happened and he simply said yes. Didn't even try to deny it. I asked him why and he was surprised because it was obvious. He said that he didn't want his colleagues ogling his wife, disrespecting him. He didn't tell me because he didn't want to upset or hurt me and that he was sorry that I found out. I told him that he should have let me decide what embarrassed and hurt me. That I felt like he had taken away my agency, he got annoyed and said "I don't want my private life mixed with my work life. I like to keep them separate" . I tried to argue some more but he just shut me down and said that this discussion was over.
I didn't feel good afterwards but I dropped it anyway. He apologized later and told me to respect how he handled the situation. He felt undermined and disrespected when the gossip started about me and the other wives (so did the other CEOs and management) but with me there were more gruesome details like photoshopped pornographic pictures and clips with my face that were being spread around. I'm a minority so there were some element of fetishism and racism involved. I was targeted more than the other women and that's why the others didn't take the drastic measures my husband did. There was a huge inquiry with HR and IT departments involved to trace the source and many were fired or bought out. My husband decided then that he didn't want this to happen ever again and his solution was to separate work and private life.
I didn't argue, just listened to him. I have to say (and I know that you, based on the support my husband got in my previous post that you will disagree with me) that I totally disagree with how he handled this. They did a great job taking this matter seriously taking actions against those who were involved and I was what? collateral damage? casualties? I should have decided about something that targeted me as a person but he did it for himself. He wanted to spare HIMSELF the headache and embarrassment/disrespect, not me. I have been with him since the start and I have been his no 1 believer even when things were rough in the beginning and I basically own half his shares. All of this is all so unfair!
Sorry for another rant! wont be the last I'm afraid but I hope the grammar was better this time because I did proofread :)
[Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yp00u4/final_updateprobably_not_tho_husband_stopped/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (8 Nov 22)
**Final Update(probably not tho). Husband stopped inviting me to his work events and it's because the guys made fun of my boobs.**
Hi everyone! please kick me out if I'm being a nuisance here but it is Monday night and my husband is sleeping next to me and I can't fall asleep and I have an update :D don't hate me. Just ignore me if I'm being an attention-hoe. If you like attention-hoes then please proceed.
So this weekend has been very boring. My husband has been a bit standoffish towards me and I towards him. We didn't argue or fight but we weren't all cuddly and fuzzy like we usually are. Weekends are something we look forward to because we (mostly he) work very long hours during the week and don't see much of each other. This weekend I just kept to myself and met a few friends. I talked to him Saturday morning about us probably hitting a dead end and in need of some guidance, like counseling or therapy or even mother in law to mediate between us but he adamantly refused and it was of course, end of discussion.
To be honest this side of him is very new and strange to me. He never dismissed me like this before. He always listened to and respected what I had to say and he always came to me first for advice for anything even work related. Often, when I didn't understand the details he just asked for a general advice. it has been like this since we met. he has alway trusted me. I guess when the problem was me he didn't come to me for advice, isn't that ironic?
Anyway, today I just felt like I wanted to eat lunch with my husband after my workout and I happened to be around his office 15 minutes before lunch time. I also happened to be wearing my workout gear that happened to be a bit cleavagey and maybe a bit very tight but I had a jacket so there's no problem, was there? I made sure that I said HI to EVERYBODY that I met on my way up to my husband's office and I made sure to stay and chat to those I have known for years. My husband looked like he had seen a ghost. I told him that I was totally fine waiting outside until he could take his lunch break and that I could chat with his colleagues in the mean time but he immediately wanted to leave. His face expression was a mixture of amused and annoyed. When we were leaving the building I made sure that I said HI to everyone I met. When we arrived at the restaurant he said that he knew what I was doing but I just said that I wanted to eat lunch with him and that I will continue to want to eat lunch with him until he started treating me as a human being with feelings as acute as his. He was still annoyed and didn't say anything more. We had a nice lunch date anyway.
When he came home he was still angry with me and didn't talk much but then after dinner he came to me. He kissed me and apologized for everything. He said that he was trying to spare me (still) but that he was wrong t exclude me. I told him that we had a problem and that we probably needed help and he said, probably, but that he wasn't keen on the idea yet because we didn't really have any other issues. I told him that if he was trying to apologize so that I would stop showing up at his work then he was sadly mistaken. He just laughed and told me that he knew me well not to try to stop me maybe less cleavage next time. I said yes.
Honestly, I think we have serious issues here. and they're far from over or solved. I will try to be more open and talk to him more and maybe I can persuade him to seek therapy. For himself and for us as a couple.
Anyway, I'm browsing dresses for the Christmas party! MIL is gonna need to sit this one out.
&#x200B;
**GUYS GUYS GUYS take it easy with the hate. the lunch dates are something we had all the time before the boob ban. At least twice a week. I'm just resuming our tradition because I miss my husband**
&#x200B;
# LAST UPDATE (I swear)
Ok don't kill me. At least I'm not doing a new post. Todays lunch went great. This time when I showed up, my husband had a very wide smile on his face. I waited 1/2 an hour for him to finish his work and I had the chance to chat to several of his colleagues. Many of the asked me where I have been, especially the ladies. I told them that I have been busy with work (Lie! I only work part time now). I think they know why I had disappeared to be honest!
Anyway the lunch was great. my husband is a bit more talkative. I think we can fix this. I hope that he will eventually feel safe enough to tell me how this incident has affected him and his mentality because I don't want him to be hurt, not alone anyway.
**Reminder - I'm not the OOP** | prettiergenghis | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yvo1wu/oop_husband_stopped_inviting_me_to_his_work/ | yvo1wu | 12,566 | 8,974 | [
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"2022-11-15T05:36:59" | OOP - I don't like the relationship between my husband and his "work wife", and neither does her partner. | ONGOING | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yvo3yi/oop_i_dont_like_the_relationship_between_my/ | yvo3yi | 9 | 498 | [
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"2022-11-15T12:31:20" | Fiancé(30M) found out about my(28F) college days, hasn’t talked to me in 3 days. Idk if this is the end? | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yvvu4y/fiancé30m_found_out_about_my28f_college_days/ | yvvu4y | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-15T14:36:31" | My older sister's boyfriend confessed his feelings to me. | ONGOING | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwawaysosacc in r/trueoffmychest**
---
&nbsp;
[**My older sister's boyfriend confessed his feelings to me.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yhfqds/my_older_sisters_boyfriend_confessed_his_feelings/) - 30 October 2022
I (17f) have an older sister (21f) who I'll call B. B has a boyfriend (21m) who I'll call J.
Just like I said in the title, J has confessed that he has feelings for me and he said that he has had them for a long time. Just to clarify J and B have been together for almost a year and I've known J because my sister had a huge crush on him when they were in high school.
So I was really happy for her when she told me they were dating and since my sister still lives at home with our parents, J has been over a lot of times for dinner or just to hang out with my sister.
During our first meeting when B brought him home to meet the family, I didn't try to be overly friendly with him but I was nice to him. My sister told me later that he thought that I was a bit too cold to him and asked me to be nice to him so every other time I saw him, I was nice. I greeted him, talked with him about several topics which we had in common like anime which we were both very huge fans of and I thought he was really cool. But that was it. I had no interest in him romantically and just saw him as my sister's boyfriend.
But just yesterday during a Halloween party our family was having with our friends and family, J obviously came as my sister's date. I was having a lot of fun and I remember J coming up to me and asked if I could help him get drinks from the fridge that our family kept in the garage and I agreed. On the way there, we were talking about our costumes and how they matched as they were from the same anime. Before we returned to the house, he grabbed my hand and told me he had something to say.
He then confessed to me that he had a crush on me and that he was first hoping that his feelings for me would go with time but he felt like everyday he came to our house his feelings would grow. He also said that he can't stop thinking about me. I felt uncomfortable as he spoke and asked what about my sister and their relationship and he said that he loves my sister but loved me more than her and said that he was sorry for having feelings for me when I am still a minor and he is an adult and that he just felt like he had to let me know. I was quiet and so was he as he looked at me awaiting my answer.
I told him that I don't have feelings for him and I think that him confessing to me will ruin the friendly relationship between us and I told him that I'd tell my sister because I didn't want her to misunderstand. But he begged me not to tell my sister because he still wanted to date her and I told him that he can't date someone if he doesn't have feelings for them and ran back to my house to try and find my sister.
I found her and she immediately asked where J was. I pulled her aside while telling her that there was something she had to know and we went to the bathroom which was fairly quiet and I told her about what J had told me. She looked at me silently for a few seconds before going outside the bathroom. I followed her and saw her take J away by the hand as they went to her room upstairs. I couldn't focus on the party anymore and kept looking up to see if J would leave the house but he didn't leave. Even after the party was beginning to end, they were still up there. I thought maybe it had gone bad and that J had probably hurt my sister so I told my mom what happened and we both went to check on her.
We found them cuddling on her bed and immediately she saw me, she told me to get out of her room. I was confused and asked what I had done. She told me that she's always known that I was jealous of her relationship with J and that she couldn't believe I'd go as far as lying to about J confessing to me and said that J was an adult and I was a child and whatever obsession I had with J should end. Then she told my mom a whole other story that J had apparently told her.
Apparently J told my sister that we were talking about anime in the garage while getting more drinks and I began to confess about how I liked him from the moment I saw him and that he tried to reject me nicely but I ran off to B and "told her a completely different story" just to make J look bad. I tried to defend myself but for some reason my mother sided with B and dragged me out of B's room.
My mother then told my dad what B had told her and my father was confused at first but at least he listened to my side of the story but my mom didn't believe me. She even called my aunts who were there and began to tell them and they were all telling me how wrong I was for trying to break my sister's relationship apart. B also came down with J and escorted J out before coming back to tell me that I have always tried to get everything from her and she knew one day I'd try to steal her boyfriends and my mom and aunts shamed me for it. Only my dad believed me.
I have been upset about it and both my mom and sister are ignoring me. I also cried a lot to my dad telling him the story over and over hoping that he doesn't get lied to by my sister. I sent a text to J telling him that he was a horrible person and told him how I couldn't believe he lied to my family and he sent a screenshot to my sister and just a few minutes ago she's yelled at me for "still trying to ruin her relationship" and for "being obsessed and jealous" of her and I was crying. I just want to know what I should do to prove my innocence. It feels so horrible to be accused of such a thing. I'm not talking to anyone in my house and I've been locked in my room.
&nbsp;
[**Update: My older sister's boyfriend confessed his feelings to me.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ypsd08/update_my_older_sisters_boyfriend_confessed_his/) - 8 November 2022
Edit: Sorry that it's too long.
First of all I'd like to thank everyone for all the kind words and the advice that I got. I am grateful to everyone who heard my side of the story.
So some stuff has happened and most of you wanted an update.
Someone told me to send my dad the link to my post and I did. I think he showed it to my mom or sent her same link because she came to my room and said she wanted to talk to me. I refused because I had tried talking to her many times to prove myself but she ignored me or refused to hear me out. She then told my dad to try and make us talk but I refused again and told my dad that I wanted to go to my grandparents house and stay there because I was uncomfortable at home. I also specifically said in front of my mom that I wanted to go to a place where no one thought I was trying to steal another person's boyfriend and my mom tried to defend herself saying that it was a misunderstanding and that she was ready to listen to me but I didn't want to talk to her. I think she might have read the comments from my first post calling her a bad mother and was trying to convince herself that she was a good parent in that situation when she wasn't.
My dad took me to my grandparents house on Teusday and they immediately believed my side of the story when I told them what happened and while my dad was still in their house, my grandfather told him to ban J from coming to our house. My grandmother wanted to confront my mom but I knew my mom would feel bad about it and probably cry and even if many people here told me to let my mom get called out by my grandparents I didn't want that. It would cause more drama with her side of the family and it would become something big and maybe they would all end up taking my mom's side which was J's side and I'd didn't want that. Also my dad discouraged it for the same reason.
So I stayed with my grandparents for almost a week and it was nice. My dad would call me regularly to check on me. My mom tried to call me and she sent me a lot of texts asking me to come home but I didn't want to. I had blocked my sister on everything so idk if she tried reaching out but I highly doubt she did. My dad called and told me that my mom has been crying a lot and begging him to get me to come back and my grandmother also told me to go back for her sake so I had to.
My grandparents took me back home after school and my mom started to act all nice and sweet to me and was trying to do everything for me and asking for a "girls day out" with 'just' me and her but I refused. Before I wouldn't question this because she's usually nice to me but after what happened and her siding with my sister plus accusing me for trying to ruin my sister's relationship, I wasn't ready to be friendly with her. I also couldn't see her the same after embarrassing and shaming me with her sisters.
I think it was around 6 or 7 pm and I was in my room and B came knocking on my door and asked if 'they' can come in. I went to check who else was there and I saw it was J. I refused and tried to close my door but they blocked it. My sister kept saying that they were trying to fix things but I didn't want to listen and kept pushing my door to close it but they were also pushing to open it and actually ended up opening it.
I told them to leave my room and I was shouting for my dad to come up to my room but my sister closed the door with her and J inside and like leaned against it while telling me to calm down and hear them out. I refused and kept telling them to leave and tried to push my sister out to leave but J tried to pull me back and I shouted at him not to touch me.
My sister started crying and told me to stop acting this way and to just hear them out. My dad also came and was knocking for the door to be opened and I said I would only listen to her if she lets my dad stay with me in the room but she said that they both wanted to talk to only me and opened the door to tell my dad and my mom who was also there about it and of course my mom made my dad leave me with these people just because "B was crying" and "she never cries unless it's serious" and that kind of bs.
So I called my dad and remained on the line with him and told him to listen just in case they tried to do something and my sister was fine with it. I also told them to stay next to the door away from me and then my sister started saying that J was really worried when I wasn't at home and she also became worried because this "wasn't me" and then J said that he felt guilty for being the cause of our family having issues and then said that he decided to "forgive" me for trying to break him and my sister up and that he hoped everything could go back to the way they were before the party. My sister then started apologizing for saying mean stuff to me and said that no matter what she will always love me and that she wanted us to be close again. She also said that it was fine for me to like J but I shouldn't try to break them up because they were very happy together and that I would understand if I found someone that I loved like she loved J. Isn't that ridiculous? I even find it a bit funny. I asked my dad if he heard what they said and he scoffed but my sister started saying that she understood that I was upset now which is why they got me something but it was in her room. J then said that it was very expensive but he got it for me because he knew I really wanted it and said how excited he had been to give it to me.
My sister then asked if she could give me a hug for making up and then she said that we should go together with my mom for a "girl's day out" to make up and I told her and her boyfriend to get out of my room. J then said that they were just trying to make up with me and that they both missed hanging out with me and I told him to shut up and never talk to me again. I then told my sister that as long as she thought I liked J and as long as she believed J's side of the story over mine, I didn't want her to talk to me and I didn't want her in my room too and that they should leave.
B got mad and shouted at me saying that I was being mean and that despite the fact that I was trying to break them apart, she still wanted to be the "bigger person" and make up with me. My mom then came to the room (I think she was listening with my dad or standing outside my door) and said that we should all get along and the fight should end because we were all acting childish because of it. J was acting all innocent the whole time nodding and agreeing with everything. I still don't understand why they're trying to make everything seem like it was before after publicly humiliating me in front of the family for telling them the truth about J.
I told my dad to come and help me out of this situation and he came and told them not to force me to talk to them when I didn't want to and my sister insisted that we should make up as a family and J nodded again in agreement and started telling me to listen to my mom and forget about it because they already did and I swear I wanted to knock him out so bad.
I told them to get out of my room or I'd go back to my grandparents house and this time I wouldn't return and my mom now started crying and said I was going too far but they left. My dad stayed and I told him that I wanted to go back to my grandparents house and stay there until I finish school since I'm a senior but my dad refused and said he didn't want us to be separated again and that he'll find a solution for it.
I've been wondering what I should do. J is still here and he had been knocking on my door (which was locked) after dinner and telling me to take his gift which btw is a figurine of an anime character called Gojo from an anime called Jujutsu Kaisen (the one we both liked) and he said that it costed more than 300 dollars and since he spent all that money I should take it. My dad told me not to take it but I wasn't planning on doing it either. My dad has also told him to stop trying to talk to me and to stop coming in my space because he's making me uncomfortable but it made both my sister and dad to argue. My sister said it's not necessary to stop J from coming close to me because J has zero interest in children like me and dropped her nice act after that.
You guys told me to tell my dad to ban him from coming to our house and he did but my mom and sister were against it and my parents even argued over it but it doesn't really surprise me that J is still around even right now as I am making this post. I think he might believe that what he did wasn't wrong if my sister didn't believe me. Plus B said she'd move out if J was banned from coming to our house and my mom cried about it and begged her not to while arguing more with my dad and so that's not happening soon unfortunately.
I don't want to be alone with him to record our conversation because I don't know what he can do to me when we are alone so I'm sorry but I won't do that. So far when he's talking to me, it's mostly him talking about his gift and how he really wants me to take it and I don't feel comfortable taking anything from him. My sister also can't to force me to take it because it was expensive but I don't care.
Also during dinner my sister said that she was uncomfortable now that I'm around and was saying that I ruined the peaceful atmosphere that was there in the house before I came back. She even said that because of me making accusations towards J, I ruined the happiness our family had and also almost ruined her relationship. My dad yelled at her to stop saying stuff like that to me and my sister yelled that only my mom loved her and that my dad and I were nothing to her blah blah blah... Honestly I don't know what her problem is.
But I feel like it's kind of my fault that everything happened. There's been a lot of arguments between my family members and it's making me feel bad. Maybe I shouldn't have told my sister about J's confession. But I really did it with no bad intentions and because I didn't want to hurt my sister but she didn't even believe me and neither did my mom. She said she believes my side of the story but then goes ahead and still sides with my sister. That's mostly why I don't want to talk to her. It's honestly upsetting and I really want to leave again.
I also wanted to clarify that I am not a bad person or trouble kid. Many people commented saying that maybe there must be a reason why my mom didn't believe me and took my sister's side or something similar probably happened that made my mom not believe me but nothing ever happened like this and believe it or not, my mother has always been this way. She's always taken my sister's word for everything ever since I was a child. It's hard to understand but I'm sure they're many people with mothers like mine.
I wish my update post would've been of J getting what he deserved but I've just gotten back home and I think it's too early for that to happen. Also with the way my sister is acting, I don't think I'll be clearing my name anytime soon. So I hope she finds him cheating on her and knows that I warned her about him.
Thank you once again for all the kind words. I'm sorry that I was not able to respond to many comments or DMs but I'm grateful for every comment. Sorry about my long post.
Also I made this post at AM hours and have been having trouble posting it. Thank you to the kind person that helped me.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yvz10k/my_older_sisters_boyfriend_confessed_his_feelings/ | yvz10k | 17,460 | 8,170 | [
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"2022-11-15T15:44:49" | AITA For "ruining" my kid's life after she ruined a dress? | NEW UPDATE | [Link to the previous BORU post](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/qj4vlb/aita_for_ruining_my_daughters_life/)
*This is a repost.* [*The original post*](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hfhlrg/aita_for_ruining_my_kids_life_after_she_ruined_a/) *is by* [*u/MadeHerRepayTheDress*](https://www.reddit.com/user/MadeHerRepayTheDress/) *posted on June 25th, 2020*
Ex(31) and I(m32) had Claire, (F16) way too young. We're friendly co-parents. One big rule we share is if our daughter breaks something, she pays for it.
Now, sis (27) and I are the only grandkids. Aunt never married. Instead, she worked with Gma and Gpa at their seamstry store, and took it over when they retired.
Sis's girlfriend (29) proposed last year. Gpa offered to make FSIL a custom suit, which she was over the moon about. Gma had me ask Sis what her dream dress was and record the convo. Sis, thinking it was just between us, told me in great detail what her dream dress was, though said it was way too expensive, so she would get something much cheaper.
Well, a few months later Gma surprised Sis with her dream wedding dress. It fit perfectly and everyone cried.
Sadly, Gma recently passed away, which hit us all hard. Sis was devistated, but decided that the dress meant Gma would still be there with us at the wedding.
The issue comes in with Claire. She's very large, much larger then Sis. Three days ago, we decided to go visit Sis and see how she was doing. It was great, but then Claire asked if she could try on the dress. Sis politely said no. Claire made a face, but dropped it.
Later, we decided to go grab dinner. Sis and I went to pick up our orders, but Claire decided to stay and play with Sis's dog.
We got back, and the dress was destroyed. Claire had apparently tried to get it on, popping some seams, and got stuck. Instead of waiting for help, she cut her way out. The dress was hacked to bits.
Sis was devistated and asked us to leave. I grounded Claire, and called Aunt with some pictures, asking if it could be saved. She said there was no. She said she'd make a new one, but it wasnt the same. Then she dropped the bomb on me - Gma had hand sewed most of the dress, used super expensive fabric, and put almost 500 hours in making that dress, since it was the only family wedding we'd have. In total, the dress cost 12,000 dollars, give or take.
Claire has about 15,000 saved from various jobs, as well as winning writing competitions. This was supposed to help her in college.
I took her to the bank and set in motion transferring all the funds, since as her parent I still have control over it. $12k to Aunt to pay for the new dress. $3k to my sister's wedding, as an emotional distress tax.
I explained exactly why this was happening to Claire, but she sobbed the entire time, asking what was she supposed to do for college and saying it wasnt her fault. I told her she could get a job if she didnt get a scholarship, and it was her fault for trying on the dress after she'd been told no, and for not waiting until we got back. A few popped seams could have been fixed. Hacking the dress to pieces couldnt.
Claire told my ex, and while she agreed Claire was in the wrong after the full story, said I shouldnt have "ruined her future" for a "free" dress. I reminded her of our rule, and she still thinks I'm wrong.
So, am I the asshole here?
&#x200B;
**AITA Judgement:** *Not the A-hole*
&#x200B;
***Edit #1***
since people are mentioning they dont understand the 3k, that was to make up to my sister that Claire destroyed the last gift our dead grandma ever gave her. I consider that part of the price of destroying the dress, since even if Aunt remakes it, its lost a great deal of its sentinent value.
I pointed out how young we has her because I wanted to explain how a 31 year old has a 16 year old kid. I do not resent having her, she's the best thing Ive ever done. I also brought up Claire's size because Sis has crohn's disease, and thus is very tiny. The dress was made her for size, and Claire is much larger then Sis. I love Claire as she is, but just holding the dress up, it was clear it wouldnt fit.
The character count is very limiting.
&#x200B;
***Edit #2***
To clarify, the money was Claire's "have fun at college" money, not her college fund. My ex and I are paying for whatever scholarships dont. When she was asking what she would do for college, she was asking what'd she do for fun and to buy things we didnt pay for. Again, the character count is very limiting, so i had to cut details to post.
&#x200B;
***IN THE COMMENTS***
[**OOP**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hfhlrg/comment/fvxwjef/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Her punishment hasnt stopped there. Ive decided that she will help Aunt in the shop make the new dress. She's also grounded, something her mother agreed with, for the next 6 months. Parental controls on the computer so she cant use it except for homework, no friends after covid ends, no take out, no car, no phone, no video games, no tv, nothing. She's also lost the right to be alone, since she clearly destroys things when left to her own devices, so she has to be in the living room unless she's sleeping at night. I'm also not getting her the dog I promised.
None of this was mentioned because it doesnt apply to the specific situation. But believe me, she is being punished.
If my sister had decided to take her court, as would be her right, my daughter would have lost a hell of a lot more, since I wouldnt be paying her legal fees, and would be on my sister's side. And if she didnt have the money, then Id still make her make it up by getting a job and forcing her to pay every penny to my sister.
She still has other savings, has an investment account and such. This was a light punishment for what she did, and it will continue.
[**knotatwist**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hfhlrg/comment/fvxwvpf/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Your extra punishments are absolutely too far and you sound abusive in the way you speak about this situation.
[**OOP**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hfhlrg/comment/fvxx0bv/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
She destroyed a 12,000 dollar item, which where I live is a crime that could send her to juvie if my sister presses charges, which she would be in her right to do. These extra punishments keep my child out of jail.
[**Kiki200490**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hfhlrg/comment/fvxxjjv/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Prosecutors would be unlikely to pursue criminal charges even if it was reported to the police as the intent matters here. Your sister would have a civil case to recover the 12k though.
I think taking the extra 3k is both rather arbitrary and heavy handed.
[**OOP**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hfhlrg/comment/fvxxp1c/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
I do agree its unlikely, but i would rather not get to that point. The legal system does strange things at times, and I would rather harshly punish my daughter then for the system to do what we hoped it wouldnt and screw her over even more.
&#x200B;
[**PmMe\_Your\_Perky\_Nips**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hfhlrg/comment/fvxxdwv/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
I highly suggest you get her a professional therapist. I think it's unlikely she'll actually confess to destroying it on purpose. Might as well just skip trying to get a confession and get her therapy. At the very least she has a problem with boundaries, at worst she's a vindictive narcissist.
[**OOP**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hfhlrg/comment/fvxxdwv/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Unfortunately therapists around me arent accepting new patients, only continuing treatment for current ones. I looked into it after Grandma passed. Its something to look into after the pandemic has died down.
&#x200B;
***UPDATE*** (added in the original post)
So, I got off the phone with my ex about 20 minutes ago. At some of your suggestions, I sent her the pictures, and she freaked. She apparently didnt believe me when I said it had be hacked apart, and believed it was just a few torn seams. She was pretty much on my side after. She told me that she's spent the day badgering our daughter, asking her why she did what she did, and finally Claire cracked and said she was mad that Grandma wasnt alive to make her a dress, and that it was "unfair" my sister got a free beautiful dress as a reminder when my daughter got "nothing," despite the many things she was given after the funeral. She tried it on, took it off when the seams popped, and then in anger hacked it apart. If she couldnt have a dress from Grandma, no one could. Her own words.
Honestly, knowing she did it on purpose has just made things worse. The fact that she could be so cruel, thats not the daughter we tried to raise. She will be going to therapy, whether that's in person when local therapists start taking new clients again or on one of those apps people have mentioned. We need to talk about it more. Her punishment stands as is, though we're going to see how therapy goes.
As for all the seamsters who have reached out, please know I'm touched by your kindness. I really am. My aunt is going to see if she can incorporate at least some of the fabric from the old dress into the new one, maybe at least try to save the beading, but if there's anything usable I'll reach out. I so so appreciate all of your offers, youre incredibly kind people.
I have yet to talk to my sister, but I have talked to her fiance. Sis isnt doing well. The stress has caused a crohns flare up, so she's stuck in bed sick. Which, honestly, I'm not surprised. Crohns is often triggered by stressful events, so I was expecting it. I told fiance about Aunt making a new dress, and she promised to take the remains over to Aunt on Monday. She's thankful for us addressing the issue, but has asked for some space from Sis so she can recover and heal, and hopefully not end up in the hospital.
As for the 3k, we'll see what my sister's state is in a few days. If she has to go to the hospital, then the money is forfeit for her medical bills, since it was Claire's selfishness that put her there, so she can pay for it. If Sis does not end up in the hospital, then I'll consider giving it back after she's gone to therapy for a few months, if she's accepted what she did was wrong and worked to make amends.
We'll see what the next few months bring.
&#x200B;
[***UPDATE #2***](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yq64ky/update_aita_for_ruining_my_kids_life_after_she/) ***posted November 8th, 2022***
Hey everyone. It's been a long time, and a lot of things have happened. I think it's finally gotten to the point where I can post an update that many of you asked for. I'll do shortest update to longest update.
The dress: many of you reached out and offered to try and help, and I'm so thankful to you. I couldn't respond to everyone, but thank you so much. As some of you suggested, Gpa used pieces of the original dress to make accessories for my sister to wear, and she loved them. She'll still wear some of the hair ties for special occasions. My aunt was able to make an almost perfect replica of the dress for the wedding, so while it wasn't the same, it was close.
My sister: she did have to go to the hospital to treat her crohns flare up. It was terrifying, and since she was immuno-compromised she did catch C19. I was so scared I was going to lose my baby sister, but thankfully she pulled through. She is now finally married to her wonderful wife. My ex and I tried to have Claire pay for the hospital bills, but my sister refused to take the money. They do have good insurance, luckily. SIL was still pissed and torn about having Claire at the wedding, but my sister insisted. Claire wasn't part of the wedding party, but she was still invited and joined their special day. While it's not forgotten or really forgiven, my sister is willing to move on, at least.
Finally, Claire. I think seeing her aunt so sick did help kickstart Claire realizing how wrong she'd been, since it was a domino effect of her actions in the first place that started all of this. She herself admitted in therapy it was her jealousy over having to buy a wedding dress in the future instead of having one made for her like it was done for my sister. She does still struggle with her anger at times, but it is getting better. It turns out she used to get all her anger and aggression in sports at school with her friends, which is why she seemed so calm all other times, but being in lockdown just forced everything to build up in an unhealthy way. Still not an excuse for what happened, but at least an explanation.
As I said in an update last time, my ex and I are paying for college for whatever scholarships Claire doesn't get, so at the time taking the 12k for the dress seemed right. I do still stand by that. But after seeing how much she's worked on herself and on trying to repair things with my sister, I have given her back the 3k that my sister didn't take for hospital bills. She's also been working with my aunt and Gpa one day a week as well as editing other's essays to build back up her fun money. I matched 50%, and gave it to her when she graduated. She started college in the fall with a few scholarships, and is continuing therapy. Things are still tedious with her and my sister, but they're working on it. Claire has been trying hard, shown she really is sorry, and is trying to fix things. I still think we have a while to go, but we'll get there.
&#x200B;
***IN THE COMMENTS***
[**FarWarning5146**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yq64ky/comment/ivo0olu/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Honestly, I wouldn't pay for the college at this point. She should've been arrested and charged for the $12,000 in damages. It's not a tiny crime. That's a big crime. I get that your their parent and wanna support them.... but look at the type of person you're supporting.
$12,000 because of jealousy, and the excuse of not being aggressive enough in lockdown made her do it??? 🚩🚩🚩🚩
[**OOP**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yq64ky/comment/ivofk3r/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
She was a child. A mentally ill child. A mentally ill child living in the middle of a major global crisis after just losing a family member who loved her. She didn't kill someone, of course we were going to try and make her better. The idea that I could just easily abandon my minor child so easily is just awful. She paid for it, and does continue to pay for it in her own way.
&#x200B;
[**HiddenDestiny251**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yq64ky/comment/ivny1ww/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Honestly kind of unhappy that your daughter gets to just… live her life after what she did. Destroying your sister’s last gift from her beloved grandma on purpose. Monstrous. She deserves to never have a single nice thing ever again. I would have taken the money, not had her at the wedding, refused even to be in the same room ever again, and told all her colleges what she did. But you and your sister are better people than me or your daughter. Your sister is a saint and you and your ex sound excellent parents.
[**OOP**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yq64ky/comment/ivog455/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
My sister and I were raised by our parents before they passed that love was unconditional. And while this tested that, it proved true. She was a child. A mentally ill child. A mentally ill child living through a major global crisis. We're not going to punish her for the rest of her life for giving in to her illness. We supported her, got her the help she needed, and while she does still have a lot to make up for to my sister, she's being given the chance. To do the kind of punishment you suggested is just cruel and vindictive, helping no one.
[**littlestgoldfish**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yq64ky/comment/ivngh8j/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Helpful college student tip! At my university they have groups for specific issues at the counseling center. It might be helpful for her to have peers also navigating anger, in a very frustrating time (i went to one for a different issue and there was even a day we went to a yoga class together: it was great to have familiar faces)
Delighted that your sister was still able to take a little bit of grandma down the aisle with her. It must have been so special
[**OOP**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yq64ky/comment/ivogdkp/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Thank you for the tip! She does still do virtual sessions with her therapist, but I'll mention this to her as well. See if perhaps she's open to having peers too. | SomaliMN | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yw0t4t/aita_for_ruining_my_kids_life_after_she_ruined_a/ | yw0t4t | 17,210 | 9,474 | [
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"2022-11-15T15:46:26" | OOP - I don't like the relationship between my husband and his "work wife", and neither does her partner. + NEW UPDATE. | NEW UPDATE | I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/wild-gas8551 in r/trueoffmychest.
Trigger Warning - >!suicide (in the past)!<
[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/y9e1pl/i_dont_like_the_relationship_between_my_husband/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (21 Oct 22)
**I don't like the relationship between my husband and his "work wife", and neither does her partner.**
ps: I wrote his post last night and fell asleep afterwards. this morning I just went to work. OMG guys! thank you so much for the support and the beautiful words. I will try to read all your comments and messages. I just wanted to make this edit to explain why I haven't answered any of you. I'm sorry and thank you. I will talk to my husband tonight or maybe tomorrow. I will make an update about my situation.
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English is not my first language, I just want to put it out there because I see how you people are brutal when grammar is bad.
I'm a beautician (f35) married to an engineer (m34). He is very intelligent and I'm always proud of him. He has a colleague who is also very intelligent (f31), obviously, that he is close to. Before the events that lead me to this moment of seeking help online, I never had any reason to be uncomfortable about his relationship with her. I always felt secure in our relationship. We're both independent people who would just leave if we weren't happy together. We've been together for 5 years, married for 1,5.
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My husband and I were on a 3 days trip with my husbands colleagues. A tradition at his work every autumn. We came home yesterday morning. I had a bad taste in my mouth after this trip. It felt like me and the colleague's partner (m35ish) where the third (and fourth) wheel to my husband and his colleague during the entire trip. During dinner, the second night. I was sitting silently playing with my food after almost two days of being ignored. The partner was also silent at first but we started talking a bit asking each other generic questions. The colleague who was in a very loud argument with my husband (more of a back and forth teasing) suddenly turned around and asked what we two (partner and me) were up to talking quietly. Her partner said that were just getting to know each other since they (husband and colleague) were too busy talking about things we knew nothing about. The colleague laughed and said: What could we discuss with you? Make up and Kim Kardashian?, and she nodded towards me. We have more intelligent things to discuss. I was dumbfounded. I guess because I'm a beautician I can only discuss Kim Kardashian? I mean any outsider to any profession would be *dumb* listening into two people discussing work related subjects. they could've been as ignorant if I was talking to my co workers about our job. My husband just laughed and the partner said: That's rude. I said nothing because I had distaste for the whole situation. On the last day of the trip I spent most of my time with the partner. I ignored the other two.
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Yesterday evening the partner dmed me and wanted to talk about our SO's. He said that he has been feeling uncomfortable about his gf's relationship with my husband and that he went through her messages. He sent me screens where my husband and his colleague are basically calling me stupid and shallow and laugh about it. Well mostly the colleague saying mean things and my husband laughing and adding in. Sometimes he would say something like: No I love her (about me) and she would answer: You only like bangin hot dumb chicks, and they laugh. When the texts aren't about my stupidity, they're about work and In one of them my husband wrote: I love your brain!!! to her. I started crying when I saw the screenshots. Never have I ever felt so self conscious about my brains or profession. I love my job and I thought my husband loved it too or at least didn't have this disdain for it. I've been my own boss for over 10 years and I make closer to 6 figures. I never thought myself as a dum person. I like to think that I'm fairly well informed and I have passion for history, languages, cultures etc but yes I'm not an engineer working on some design for artificial hearts. Still, the texts complimenting the colleague, hurt me more than the ones making fun of me. I don't know why.
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I think my husband and his colleague are out of line at best and, well probably screwing. I still don't know what to do. The last thing I wanna be is the insecure wife. If he isn't happy with me why is he here?
[Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ydd8ic/updatei_dont_like_the_relationship_between_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (26 Oct 22)
**update:I don't like the relationship between my husband and his "work wife", and neither does her partner.**
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Sorry I did't come back earlier to make an update, I was mentally exhausted and of course busy discussing Kim K. Anyway I want to apologize for not answering your messages because I got over 200 asking for updates. I really hope you can find this.
I have talked to my husband. I just told him that I have talked to work wife's BF and showed him the messages I was sent. My husband asked my why her BF was spying on his gf and I told him that it was because he did't like the way things went down on the trip. I told him how I too was very uncomfortable. He was very confused and told me that work wife obviously was jealous and that I shouldn't care about her. I told him that she didn't bother as much as the fact that he was fine, no, amused by her attempts to bring me down the entire time. So much in fact that her BF was so uncomfortable that he went through her phone. I also asked him why he was letting her trash talking me in their texts. Again he insisted that he just felt that she was petty and jealous and did't want to stoop to her level. He said that I did the same when I ignored her rudeness and he thought that was the classy thing to do. I asked him why she was doing this. Was there anything between them and to please tell me now before it got more complicated? He said of course not and if there was something from her end then that wasn't his problem because he loved me and so on and so forth. I asked him about him "loving her brain" and he said it was strictly about something work related and offered to show me the conversation.
Next day I was still brooding, so he came to me, kissed me and apologized and told me that I was right and that he was being stupid but that he never thought about it as disrespect but some female jealousy that he thought was pitiful and beneath him. He promised to do better. I told him that if somebody was trashing you like this in front of me, no matter how petty their reasons were or how pathetic I thought they were, I would've hated them and never wanted them in my life. Unfortunately I started crying then and he told me that he was so sorry. That was on Sunday.
Yesterday, the BF called me again and we talked (we had decided to talk after confronting our SOs). Their conversation was worse and work-wife admitted to her BF that she had feeling for my husband and she suspected that my husband had feelings for her too. They have kissed at the summer work party . I showed my husband the screenshot when he got home. He started to freak out telling me that yes, she did kiss him and he rebuffed her and told her that he wasn't interested. That was when she got nastier towards me. -So you knew she had a thing for you? and he said yes. I asked him to show me his phone and he had deleted his conversation with her. He said it was because he was embarrassed. He didn't tell me when the kiss happened and now he was afraid I would think it was more than what it was.
I asked him to move out and he is currently at his mother's. He keeps saying that there's nothing between them. That he loves me and would never cheat on me. That he will make her come clean to me. That he will quit his job and never see her again. I'm just so broken hearted right now and all I want is to cry. thank you for listening. I needed this.
**edit: maybe I should have mentioned that he also told me he could prove that it was she who came on to him because it happened in the office cafeteria and there are surveillance cameras and that he could request the clip from that day. I dont know why I didn't include it. Maybe because who kissed who doesn't really change how I feel about this whole ordeal.**
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[Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/user/Wild-Gas8551/comments/ye1ca9/update2i_dont_like_the_relationship_between_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (26 Oct 22)
**UPDATE2:I don't like the relationship between my husband and his "work wife", and neither does her partner.**
Hi! I dont feel comfortable making a new update on the true sub because honestly I'm embarrassed that I'm taking so much of your attention. Writing however has helped me a lot, like it's therapy.
My husband showed up at my work today. He said that he has never felt so scared in his life like when he realized that he was losing me. He has contacted the BF, apologized to him and asked him to forward all the texts between him and work wife. He printed them and gave me everything. Over a year's worth of texting. He told me when work wife confessed to her BF. she sent the text about admitting the kiss to her BF(the text I got a screenshot of). My husband panicked and deleted the whole conversation. But now he got everything from the BF and I could read it.
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He also had brought a picture with him. Of him when he was young, 12-13ish with a girl. He said he searched this picture now he's living with his mom. He told me that it was his favorite cousin and that she committed suicide when they were 16. She was bullied severely. I never heard my husband talk about this cousin. I know of her from his family but never that they were close or that her death devastated him. He said that he still wasn't ready to discuss her but that now he needed to.
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He admitted that when work wife started working for them august 2021 he immediately bonded with her because she reminded him of his cousin. Both goofy, funny and extremely intelligent. They even looked alike a little (kind of true). The bond got stronger when work wife told him about her tough childhood and how she was bullied throughout school. How she suffered and contemplated suicide. My husband said that he felt like he got his cousin back. Work wife knew that my husband was married (newly wed actually) and it didn't seem to be a problem for her in the beginning. He admitted that he sensed that she was falling for him very soon but that he never really confronted her about it because he didn't want to hurt her feelings. When she saw me in a picture she got very angry with him and said that she was very disappointed in him. I looked the type that would bully people like her and my husband in high school. She was disappointed and asked him what he saw in me. He told her that he loved me but she was sour afterwards accusing him of being shallow. He asked her to give me a chance at the Christmas party. She didn't change her opinion however. He wasn't bothered that she disliked me because he thought that she was jealous. He knew that she was decided on not giving me a chance and that was fine with him. He thought that this will be one of the things they will have to disagree on.
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He is still adamant that he never kissed her back and he is adamant about getting the recording of that party. He said he pushed her and after the party, he had a fight with her about boundaries and confronted her about her feelings. He told her that they could no longer be friends now that she had crossed the line. We went on a 5w vacation the day after that party and he said that if I read the texts from that time I would find that she had apologized several times asking for forgiveness, begging him not to ditch her as a friend. After summer their relationship was strained but they eventually became closer again. He said he doesn't know why he felt like she needed him in her life like she needed his protection. He always thought about being put in harm's way and he couldn't stand the thought. He swore it was never romantic or sexual. He admitted that he love her like a friend or like if his cousin was still around.
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He told me that he has handed in his resignation and will be seeking new jobs. He's realized that he has to let work wife go. He admitted that he even now is worried about her. She is losing both her BF and him, but that he needs to remind himself that she is a grown up woman and not his 16 years old cousin. She'll be fine. And about my fears that he loves me for how I look, he said that he is sorry if he ever made me feel that way and that it is far from the truth. When he think about us, he sees us growing old together and that prospect fills his heart with more love and joy.
#[Update 3](https://www.reddit.com/user/Wild-Gas8551/comments/yp1cq7/update3_i_think_i_need_to_leave_him/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (8 Nov 22)
**Update3: I think I need to leave him**
I'm not sure about my feelings towards my husband anymore. I do love him very much but something has changed. I feel so sorry for his cousin and I feel so sorry for his work wife and him. For what these girls had to endure growing up by people who (looked like me?).
But it had nothing to do with me. None of what happened had anything to do with me just because I look a certain way. Yes I had it "easy" growing up and I still have it very easy compared to many but I never hurt anybody in my life. Not intentionally anyway. How I look doesn't mean that it's okay for them to walk all over my heart. Not when I'm his wife. I think I represent something for him that isn't me and I hate it. I love him but I don't think we are a good match. I think he needs to be with someone like work wife. I think he needs someone who he can relate to and there's no amount of empathy that I could muster that would make him see me as his comfort
when I look like their bully from school.
**Reminder - I'm not the OOP** | prettiergenghis | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yw0v0y/oop_i_dont_like_the_relationship_between_my/ | yw0v0y | 14,559 | 4,495 | [
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"2022-11-15T16:26:44" | AITA for saying my mom named me like a madlibs? | CONCLUDED | [removed] | Princess_Moon_Butt | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yw21hw/aita_for_saying_my_mom_named_me_like_a_madlibs/ | yw21hw | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-15T17:10:24" | She (23) stopped talking to me (24) after I got demoted in Duolingo | CONCLUDED | I am not OP. OP is u/Ironhearted.
[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ymt6eh/she_23_stopped_talking_to_me_24_after_i_got) posted on Nov 5, 2022
**She (23) stopped talking to me (24) after I got demoted in Duolingo**
Me (24) and Sara (23)(fake name) have been hanging out for 2 months now. We met in a class we are both taking this semester, and I was the one that approached her after seeing her use Duolingo. I've been learning French on Duolingo since I made some French friends last year, so it was the perfect conversation starter.
We quickly bonded over learning new languages and added each other on Duolingo and other social media. We started hanging out outside, just the two of us, and it felt more than a friendship at times. She even started learning French, and I was able to use the flirting lesson to make her blush.
The last two weeks have been really stressful for me because of family reasons, my mom getting sick, and all the school stuff also, so I did not really have much time for Duolingo. I got a few messages from Sara about the friend quests, and how I am not really doing my part, but those can be completed on your own so it wasn't such a big issue in my eyes.
Two days ago, I dropped from the Obsidian league because it's really hard to stay in it if you don't do enough classes, and I guess Sara must have noticed because yesterday I got a message from her that we should stop talking. She told me that I was prioritizing different things and basically that our values are incompatible. I tried to tell her that I haven't had much time and have been really stressed lately, but she left me on read, and removed me from Duolingo.
I don't know what to do. I feel like we really bonded, and I don't want to lose her or make things weird since we are sharing the class.
&#x200B;
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ynokc6/update_to_she_23_stopped_talking_to_me_24_after_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) posted on Nov 6, 2022
**UPDATE to She (23) stopped talking to me (24) after I got demoted in Duolingo**
I got some funny replies in the last thread, and some stupid ones too. Some of you were saying to let her be, and to stop harassing her which was pretty funny but also fucking stupid to me since I had only sent one message to her after she sent hers; moreover, she had the ability to block me, but she did not.
Here is what happened a few hours ago. She ended up replying to my message with a 😔 (sad smiley face), so that was an invitation to send her another message because I genuinely wanted to understand and get some closure or whatever. I ended up telling her that I enjoyed my time with her, and that I perhaps might have even caught feelings, and although I don't understand why this happened, I will respect her wishes to stop talking etc.
She ended up replying after 20 minutes, and she told me the whole story. Apparently she saw me talking to my female classmates in school + the past two weeks of me being distant and not being able to give her a lot of time made her think I was not interested and was spending time with other girls instead.
This was quite a relevation to me, but I was glad that I got to know the truth. I ended up explaining what was happening in my life. I usually don't share personal problems because I don't want people to view me through that lens. She ended up apologising for how she reacted.I ended up asking her out on a proper date, and we will be having one next weekend.
I told her the thing about Duolingo and what I thought had happened. We had a good laugh over it. She added me back, so I guess it all got resolved, and I am excited for our first date! | newww_heree | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yw3c5q/she_23_stopped_talking_to_me_24_after_i_got/ | yw3c5q | 3,732 | 6,304 | [
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"2022-11-15T17:39:24" | TIFU by expecting my family to pay for my birthday dinner | ONGOING | [removed] | woodtori | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yw4665/tifu_by_expecting_my_family_to_pay_for_my/ | yw4665 | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-15T18:29:20" | BF tries to defraud a dental practice & OOP starts to notice more red flags. | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/carboncopy404 **in** r/AmItheAsshole
trigger warnings: >!Infidelity!<
[**AITA for telling my boyfriend he’s a bad person?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k39l2y/aita_for_telling_my_boyfriend_hes_a_bad_person/?utm_source=share&amp%3Bamp%3Bamp%3Bamp%3Bamp%3Bamp%3Bamp%3Bamp%3Butm_medium=ios_app&amp%3Bamp%3Bamp%3Bamp%3Bamp%3Bamp%3Bamp%3Bamp%3Butm_name=iossmf) \- 29th Nov 2020
Hi, sorry for any bad formatting as I’m on mobile.
So recently my boyfriend got some dental trays for his teeth done (moulds of your teeth), which can be used to put product in to whiten your teeth. He’s done this before but lost his last set of trays, so went somewhere new to get some new trays done.
My boyfriend told me that when going to pick up his dental trays, the receptionist just gave him the trays without asking for the payment of them. He then took the trays and left knowing he had not paid for them.
The receptionist called shortly after he left and explained that a mistake was made and could he please either come back and pay for the trays or pay over the phone. My boyfriend lied saying he was adamant he had already paid before picking the trays up, and it wasn’t his fault that they had no record of him paying/that he didn’t keep his receipt to prove it to them. He was pretty vocal to me about not wanting to pay for the dental trays if he didn’t have to, and that it was the receptionists mistake and on her.
What sparked our argument about this was a car journey where he answered the phone to the manager of the dental practice, who was following up the call with the receptionist. My boyfriend continued with his lie that he had already paid and it was not his problem that they could not provide proof of this.
Now, something about witnessing him lie so easily to this man really bothered me, and it bothered me that he didn’t care if the receptionist may get into serious trouble or even lose her job over this mistake, or that he wasn’t losing out by paying as he would’ve paid for the product in normal circumstances. After the call (which didn’t reach any resolution) I told him that was very uncomfortable for me to hear and witness, and he’s a bad person for lying like that when he knows full well it was likely an honest mistake by the receptionist, and he got a product he didn’t pay for.
My boyfriends now giving me the silent treatment and seems really hurt that I called him a bad person, he says most people would avoid paying for something if they didn’t have to. AITA? Should I apologise?
**Verdict - NTA**
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k80bdn/update_aita_for_telling_my_boyfriend_hes_a_bad/) \- 7th Dec 2020
&#x200B;
I spoke to the manager of the dental practice. I explained that my boyfriend (BF) had been open to me about not paying and that he doesn’t plan to. The manager said a letter was already on the way demanding the payment, and if BF fails to pay then court proceedings will begin. He was thankful I called and knew it was their mistake, but was surprised by my BF’s attempts to argue with him. That’s a good result for now.
I didn’t plan on telling my BF as I wanted to end it (there’s been too many red flags, so I decided I couldn’t ever truly trust him) and I didn’t want to add fuel to the fire. But before I got to end our relationship in person, I learnt another painful lesson.
Recently my BF’s laptop broke. This was fine as it was old and he can’t work from home anyway (he sells cars), so he’s used mine. Earlier this week I’m on my laptop working and go to check my personal emails, except my BF’s email was still logged in when I opened the webpage. I go to log out but saw the most recent 30 ish emails were all from the same person, a girl. This was weird as who emails like that to converse anymore? I know it was an invasion of privacy, but I clicked onto the emails.
I deduced this was a girl from his work, they were emailing because her mobile phone was broken, and emailing him from her work email during the day was an easy way for them to still talk. The emails were flirtatious. They mentioned dates they’d been on, he’d clearly been to her house, they spent lunch breaks together and she thought he was single. The more I read the more enraged I became. What if I’d never clicked the email? After considering where I could bury him, I decided to remain calm.
I called my manager to tell her what I’d just learned, she’s super cool and said to take the afternoon. I then called an emergency locksmith and packed up my BF’s stuff (he alternates between staying at mine and his mums), except for his PS5 I bought for his 25th birthday last month. When this purge of my BF from my life was ready, I text him:
“I know about S. Our relationship is over, your things are on the doorstep. You must transfer me the money for XYZ. Please don’t ever contact me again.”
And blocked him on everything.
A little while later, there’s knocking are at my door as he’s pleading to be let in to talk about it. I can see him but stay silent where he can’t see me. He was on his knees crying, begging, pleading for me not to leave him. Whether they were crocodile tears or not, my heart ached. After some time he left with his stuff. I felt relief and had a good cry, but I doubt that’s the last I’ll hear from him.
I feel heartbroken, and stupid. An enormous thank you to all those who said his behaviour was revealing of his character/what he’s capable of, I will apply the same vigilance to future partners. I know this is a dodged bullet, but it hurts like hell.
EDIT
Just wanted to clarify some things:
* I kicked him out of my house. I own it, he’s never paid anything towards it and has no documentation linking him to my house. He alternates between staying at mine and his mother’s, with his mother’s being his official and primary residency.
* Weirdly, some of you were really focused on the fact I kept the PS5. But I paid for it, have the receipts and it never left my home. I feel like retracting this gift he’s had little over a week as an asshole tax is morally justified after he’s been a 5\* asshole. (And last time I checked this was a moral judgement not a legality sub?). …I think they’d be very different comments if this was the other way round and he’d just given me an engagement ring and then found out I was cheating not even 2 weeks later. Yes it’d be mine under the jurisdiction of a gift, but is it morally right I get to keep the ring? Probably not.
* I noted down the email of the girl my ex was cheating with in case I wanted to contact her directly. I was thinking of constructing a message explaining everything and assuring her I’m not bitter towards her. Then it’s up to her what she wants to do with that info.
* Thanks so much for all the supportive messages and comments, I am reading every single one. I’m honestly shocked at the amount of kindness from strangers!
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | raredontstare | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yw5jif/bf_tries_to_defraud_a_dental_practice_oop_starts/ | yw5jif | 7,033 | 4,348 | [
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"2022-11-15T19:01:08" | I(32m) am in love with my former sister inlaw(27f) | REPOST | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwra0727 in r/relationship_advice**
trigger warning: >!child abuse!<
---
&nbsp;
[**I(32m) am in love with my former sister inlaw(27f)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/iicquc/i32m_am_in_love_with_my_former_sister_inlaw27f/) - 28 August 2020
TLDR at Bottom This will be a long post.
I'm finally at a point where I can't stand this anymore. I've been in love with this woman for a very long time, maybe a couple of years at this point and I'm not sure if I should just kill it or attempt to make something with her.
I met my ex-wife, her sister, when I was 23-years-old and the relationship developed very quickly and by 26 I had my son and daugther and had gotten married. However, within months of being married my ex-wife had an affair, but worse than that the man she cheated with had gotten her into Heroin. After confronting her on this she said she was going to get help, but instead she left in the night. I haven't heard from her in 4 years and last I've heard she's still with that guy and are homeless in Las Vegas. Not sure how true that is, but being focused on holding it together for the kids, I really don't have the time to chase her down, nor do I want to after what she pulled.
I ended up getting a divorce in absentia. I did however maintain a very positive relationship with my inlaws after the fact. Every other weekend my kids stay over with their grandparents on that side and they pretty much treat me like a son still, I still go to parties at Christmas and am reasonably liked by the family. Nobody talks about my ex anymore mainly to not worry my kids. My oldest, my son is very hurt by his mother leaving. He's 9 now and I've had to get therapy for him after he told me he hoped his mother was dead. She had been getting verbally abusive toward the end which was when he was around 5 or 6
Anyhow, in the year following my ex leaving, her sister and my her boyfriend had started coming around a lot to see the kids. They knew I worked a lot and would babysit and call it practice as they wanted to have children of their own. My kids love them and were spoiled by them, which I didn't mind because we all needed a little positivity. They got married and were very in love. However, her husband was killed in a workplace accident shortly after the birth of their daughter.
It has been extremely rough and painful for everyone involved as one can imagine. I followed my Sil's example and began to take her daughter to give her time to herself if things got too hard to deal with or she needed alone time. She's been in grief counciling for a few years but she still wears her ring and has told me she can't ever imagine dating again. I talk to her about him frequently and she's gotten to a better place but she's still very much in love with him, I can't imagine that sort of pain.
Over the last two years we've been a more constant figure in each others lives. My kids love their aunt and I have her over for dinner a couple times a week. My daughter and her daughter have become close and love being around each other so they have sleepovers. I've moved on from my ex by this but the idea of dating possibly someone dangerous as their mother has kept me out of the dating scene.
I don't know when it happened, but slowly I began to get soft on my SIL. She's a great mom for what she's had happen to her. She's one of the sweetest people I know and her sense of humor always leaves me laughing and happy. Then I started realizing that I'm physically attracted to her. I've always felt kind guilty about it because her late husband was a good friend and since she's obviously is still grieving, so I've kept it to myself.
Since Covid started we've been together a bit more because social distancing has had us lose contact with most other people. Nothing romantic has ever been discussed and I try not to flirt, but last week it was very late and after the kids went to bed I made us a few drinks, not enough to get drunk but she decided she'd rather spend the night, so I took my couch. I woke up to breakfast this morning and the four of us felt like the sort of family I've always wanted. She even kissed my forehead which is not something she normally does. I still didn't say anything, but after she left I found my son quietly playing with his toys in his room. He looked upset so I asked him if he was alright.
He tells me point blank in the way only a kid can that he wishes Sil was his mother. I sat down with him and asked him why he thought that way and he gave a whole bunch of reasons her being nice to him, that she never yells about anything. He likes seeing her at his grandparents and she draws pictures with him, which I didn't know they did. By the end of it my heart that is already melting for this woman even more wound up.
When visiting dropping them off with their grandparents, I tried to breach the subject with her folks to kinda feel around how people would see. I made a joke about she and I acting like a married couple sometimes and they didn't laugh and were kind of stand offish, friendly but either they know something or they disapprove.
It's getting too hard for me to ignore or pretend it's not getting to me. I'm in love with her. Either I've got to kill it and find some way not to think of her, or I have to find some sort of way to navigate through this situation and tell her everything. If anybody out there has any insight on how to approach a widow, especially one who was married to a friend, with this sort of intention I could really use your help.
TLDR- Sil and I became close after my divorce to her sister and death of her husband. She's great with my kids. I'm in love and don't know how to proceed.
&nbsp;
[**Update- I(32M) am in love with my former sister in law(27f)**](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRA0727/comments/ikcsvt/update_i32m_am_in_love_with_my_former_sister_in/) - 1 September 2020
TLDR at the bottom, this is a long one.\\
Firstly I'd like to thank everyone who gave me advice on how to proceed and ideas and things I could maybe say to my former SIL. What I ended up doing. Shortly after making the first post, I remembered that my children were spend Sunday night over their grandparents house, and typically when they do this, my niece, Sils daughter will join them. I allow these biweekly visits because I think it's important for them to maintain a healthy relationship with their mother's parents. And Sil let's her daughter go because she enjoys playing with my daughter. Well I realized we'd both have a free night. Normally I'd just game or hit the gym an extra night but I figured it would be the perfect opportunity to Sil without the kids being around.
So I sent her a text saying "Hey, kids are out this Sunday, was thinking you might wanna get dinner." It was a fairly upscale place that reopened two months or so ago for outdoor dining. I never ask her out to dinner and we're almost never alone together, or without a child in the other room. She says she'd love to and so my panic starts setting in because now I've gotta actually act on my feelings. I ask her if she'd prefer meeting at my place and taking one car or meeting at the restaurant, she says she'll come by my place first.
I'm a bit more cleaned up then normal, dressed up but not overly dressed. She show's up and my God, she's in a very nice evening dress, make up (Not something she normally wears.) really looking stunning. I must have been slack jawed for a second I had to be lol. We make a little small talk compliment how we look but I still don't have my nerve yet and she isn't pushing the issue.
Dinner is really wonderful, they had live jazz type group playing. Definitely coming back to this place. She tells me this is the first time she's really had an adult social outing that didn't involve her daughter in a few years and I mention that it's about as long for me. We're laughing, joking, talking, a little casual touching here and there. I can't seem to find my nerve though, I'm afraid of ruining this moment, so I just submit to having fun. But as we're leaving my mind snaps and I'm just like fuck it. And when we stand to go back to the car, I give her my arm and we walk back to the car arm and arm no awkwardness, nobody mentioning that it's happening. I open her door for her and I plan on driving her back to her car.
As I open the door she stops me. Looking sort of nervous, she just outright tells me to stop and that she want to kiss me. There was no alcohol at dinner so this is all her. So I pull her in and we kiss. I can barely describe how wonderful it felt to finally touch her. Well the kissing goes on outside this restaurant with her leaned against my car for at least a half and hour. When we finally break we share a few more dreamy looks before we get in the car and drive back to my place. She's holding my hand as I'm driving, I don't think I've ever been happier.
I confess to her that I've started having feelings for her a long time ago but what with the terrible things we went through I didn't want to scare her away. She tells me that she's carried a torch for about 6 months herself. At that time I had gone on a couple Tinder dates and since we were just friends I described what a mess of a time those dates were. She tells me she began feeling intensely jealous and angry that I was seeing these girls it was about that time it clicked in her mind that she had some how developed feelings for me. As it turns out I didn't approach her because of her late husband and she wasn't approaching me because she was afraid I'd see too much of her sister, my ex wife, in her and start to resent her for it.
I invited her in after we got back home and we decided to try and fight off the desire to jump straight into bed, and just sat on couch snuggling and talking about what we would need to do to make this a working relationship. There was some really teary moments there. We of course talked about her late husband a little and where she feels in the grief process saying I don't want to rush her and that I'm not going anywhere if she needs time I'll wait as long as she needs me to. She says that she feels like she's in a place where she could love again, that she's long past feeling guilty for having feelings for me, it was something she struggled with.
She then brought up her sister, and the obvious questions a few people asked in the comments. What would we do if ex ever decided to show her face around here again or try to get back into my kids life. What if she comes back reformed and apologetic would I take her back. I told Sil that's a hard no, that I've forgiven her for cheating on me, but I will never forgive her for what she did to my son. He was quite a sunshiny and happy boy before his mother started cheating, using, and lashing out at him. He's doing better now, but for a long while his behavior and negativity for somebody so young troubled me. Sil was concerned how he might react to her as unlike our respective daughters he is old enough to understand everything. I told her not to tell him as it might embarrass him, but not to long ago he told me his wished his Aunt was his Mom instead.
We said we were going to take it slow and now go to fast with things, but the kissing started again and since we were in private this time... we gave up the fight to stay out of the bedroom. I have had fantasies throughout the duration of my feelings for her, and getting to pet her face in the morning was one I finally got to live out. Moving forward, we are going to establish date nights and work on building on our already strong foundation. When we inevitably tell our folks we're a couple we're going to do it together. But that's where I'm at. That's it, that's my update. If this subbreddit allows maybe I'll do another to say how the parents, inlaws, and kids take the news. 2 years of wishing she was mine and now she is. Better not F this up.
TLDR- We're in love.
Edit Oh my God this really blew up! First of all thank you for all the crazy rewards, I'd respond to your posts but they locked my post which annoys me because I want to respond to as many people as I can. Thank you for all the love and support, I'm in love with an angel and I will update in the future! Anyway, does anyone know a Subreddit I could post this to that wouldn't get locked. I feel guilty that people took the time to leave me messages and that I can't reply or speak with them! I checked this and was like Holy HELL! I've gotta get dinner and get the kids to bed but if somebody could suggest a place to post updates in the future where things aren't so strict, I would appreciate it!
&nbsp;
[**1 Week Update- I(32M) am in love with my former sister in law(27f)**](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRA0727/comments/inyuem/1_week_update_i32m_am_in_love_with_my_former/) - 7 September 2020
TLDR at the Bottom, this is quite long.
Edit- I forgot to add that I am refering to my ex-wife as Jessica and my Sister inlaw, who I had been calling Sil, to Silvia because funny.
Well we've told everyone, and for the most part it's gone over fairly well. When our respective kids were with my inlaws, Silvia and I went to go see my parents. They've met her a handful of times but they don't really know her too well as my inlaws and my family rarely attended mutual functions. They at least recognized who she was. My dad isn't a particularly sentimental person so I have no idea what he thinks about it, but my mother is on board. She did ask "Does Jess know?" and we told her that I haven't even spoken with her in 4 years and Silvia hasn't heard from her in two, that we'd Cross that bridge when we got to it. Other then that my folks just seemed happy for me.
Yesterday we attended a small family gathering for labor day at my inlaws. We knew the reception here would be a little more chilly as they're all also related to my ex-wife. My parents did us the favor of taking the kids to the zoo for the afternoon and ice cream too. We arrived at the party together and of course everybody is wondering where the kids are. Felt like a million things were telling me not to do this, by I took her by the hand and we both explained the kids were not here because we intended on telling everyone that we are now a couple. This wasn't a huge crowd, maybe like 8 people but it really felt like I announced it to a stadium.
I don't know how we expected it to go but several of her aunts were very pleased with this. We got some hugs. At first nobody even mentioned my Ex-wife. They were just happy because they had all settled on Silvia just never dating again. It was only Mil that caused any issues. She told the party that she knew we were an item because I was always giving her "Puppy dog eyes" and told them Silvia talked about me nonstop. She asked for how long we had been dating in secret and I told her only a week. She scoffed and told me that she didn't think starting a relationship off by lying would be a smart move. She then accused, albeit it in a joking manner to the guests that Silvia and I had vanished at a pool party in June to "Smooch"
Her mother and father asked to talk with us after the party and asked us just how serious things were, and like my parents asked whether my ex-wife knew or not. When I said no and that her opinion shouldn't matter given she abandoned her family 4 years ago, they said they would be more comfortable with everything if I was to tell Jessica that I am now dating her sister. They are both intensely afraid that my ex will return sober and renewed, make an attempt to make amends, discover that I am now in love with her younger sister and relapse. It sounded to me as if they knew something I didn't and as it turns out Jess has been calling and talking to them for a year now and they just haven't told me, I was upset they kept this from me. Silvia was very upset too, because not once after her husband's death has Jess ever tried to call her.
They show me her Facebook profile, the one she blocked me from and there she is looking pretty normal, not like a burned out husk. I have to admit that seeing her not looking like the junkie she became when she left made me feel a little better and Silvia too. Her parents kept their contact with her a secret because she is ashamed of what she's done and feels that she's deserved to lose her kids and and couldn't face them after all that happened. Silvia's parents gave me her phone number and asked that I please call her and speak with her. I told her that my feelings for Silvia are real and there is no chance I reconcile with Jess. Fil seemed to nod in approval, but Mil honestly looks like she was hoping we'd fix things.
After we left I talked to Silvia about it, and though we discussed it before, a circumstance where Jess returns, we decided to revisit the conversation in light of these new revelations. I told Sil that I am in love with her, my whole heart is hers and that my feelings of love for her are something deeper and stronger than anything I ever felt for my ex-wife. She ends up crying from the stress of the situation, anger with her parents for keeping secrets, and anger with her sister for not calling her or offering condolances at all after her husband's death. She then admits that she is afraid I might leave her if her sister returns and I assure her this will never happen. It took some long hugs and a lot of kisses to smooth over the situation but by the time we went to pick up the kids, we were holding hands together again and feeling more connected than ever.
She's been spending the night at my place pretty frequently since we've been together. So the kids don't see anything I've been setting my alarm for 5 in the morning, getting up and moving to the couch. Well the morning after we decided to tell the little ones what is going on. Our daughters seemed very happy but they are too young to really grasp what's actually taking place, all they know is they can play together more. I did take my son aside, just me and him and asked him if he was okay with this and what he thought about it. He asked if we'd all be living together, I told him maybe someday. He asked if this made his aunt his stepmom now and I said he's free to call her what he's comfortable with and I will respect it and she would too because we both love him.
He then asked me a lot of questions about his own mother, things he had never asked me before and I answered pretty much everything he wanted to know. I toned some of my answers down a bit. He's learned a little about the dangers of drugs from school programs and I was finally honest to that degree when I told him his mom had a problem and she made some bad choices. He asked me why his mother didn't love him and that broke my heart. I assured him the best I could that his mother did love him, she had just made a lot of terrible mistakes and that sometimes adults just don't do the right thing when they should. He asked me if I still loved her. I told him that I hoped she would get better and that I don't want her to be sick anymore, but that she hurt me and him so badly that I couldn't love her like I did before. I'm not sure he got all of that, but I tried explaining it to him the best I could. All that aside he has been so much happier and less withdrawn since Silvia has been with us and he's always going out of his way to do all the typical kid stuff to impress her that I did with my own Mom.
At the end of the day I still have that phone call with the ex to dread. But, having Silvia with me, being able to kiss her and hold her at night, it really puts some joy back into me that's been gone for a very long time. I don't think I even knew how unhappy I had been all these years until I realized how happy she made me feel. We've been doing all the happy young lover stuff. She's been leaving me love letters in my work lunchbox, even little poems, and I had flowers sent to her place of work. She mentioned she had told me that a few of the ladies at work had been trying to get her to ask me out for several months, so I figured the flowers would both make her happy and be a firm thank you wink to the office girls lol.
Thank you for everyone who commented or sent me messages on the first and second posts, they really made my day and helped me keep my cool to confess to her. Feel free to ask me anything, but I think this just about does it for my updates.
TLDR- Girlfriend's family accepted the relationship with some reservations, my family accepted it as it was, Our children seemed pleased with the arrangement, and I'm looking at having to face my Ex-wife over this for the first time in 4 years.
&nbsp;
[**Well Hell the mods locked my posts again for no given reason.**](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRA0727/comments/k19auu/well_hell_the_mods_locked_my_posts_again_for_no/) - 26 November 2020
People have been asking me for an update for a couple months now so I figured I'd finally sit down and do one.
What you're about to read is a comment I wrote like last week and I've just copied and pasted it as it's pretty much good enough to be a post. It details for the phone call with my ex wife went and a little more info.
I did talk to her back in September, I keep going to write an update for this, but life got pretty hectic. I did write like a ten paragraph update like a month ago, but my laptop crashed I lost it and got discouraged. The Ex-wife is in a much better place and is in recovery. 8 months clean by this point. She finally told me the details of the affair and how things happened, how she got into drugs. Not stuff I really wanted to hear, but she's trying to get her life together and as much as I dislike the things she's done to me and the kids I want her to get healthy. I shouldn't but I worry about her still sometimes.
Anyhow I got around to telling her about Silvia and I and she was dumbfounded by it. When I first met my ex she was 19 and Silvia was 14 and in her mind she always viewed her as a kid in regards to me, which to be fair I did used to refer to Silvia and her 'kid sister.' but when she remembered that her sister is a fully grown adult who was married and had a child that her hinting I was a creep stopped. She did ask if I had feelings for her while I was married and I denied that. We talked about the kids and she was really regretful and crying throughout the conversation. She has no idea how she'd be able to face them again. I wanted to say something reassuring, but I don't want to give her the impression that I want her in their lives. Cordial, even friendly, but I'm not going to be stupid.
She and Silvia talked for a while too. I didn't eavesdrop intentionally, but from the bits I heard and what I was told, they talked about Silvia's husband. As it turns out my ex had gotten arrested for a BnE that week and spent it in jail. She didn't even know he passed until a couple weeks after the funeral and by that point she felt saying anything would make things worse. Things went as well as could be expected.
Silvia, the three kids, and I have been spending almost everyday together and I haven't been happier in years. My son and daughter love all the motherly attention they've been getting and I'm really loving getting to learn more about my little niece. Life's good. Busy, but it's good. Thanks for asking. I might just copy and paste this as my update lol
Alright that was my comment update and nothing has really changed in the week since I wrote it. If anybody has any questions or comments I'd be happy to answer what I can when I can, but during this season my workload increases dramtically and I don't have as much time to be on here as I did when I first posted. I'm so glad I got up the nerve to try with her. I love her so much. I'd been so long without a romantic partner, that I forgot what being in love, or feeling loved felt like. Now that I remember, it's shocking to me I didn't realize how alone and miserable I really was. I mean for Christ sake we played Scrabble last night and for some reason it made me ridiculously happy lol.
&nbsp;
[**Mods removed but here- 1 year update- I(32m) am in love with my former sister inlaw(27f)**](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRA0727/comments/p63vg9/mods_removed_but_here_1_year_update_i32m_am_in/) - 17 August 2021
Reposted here as automods took down the post.
It has nearly been a year since my former sister-inlaw, Silvia, decided to begin dating. For anyone not familiar with the story a quick TLDR. I have two children and had been married to her sister, my ex-wife. A combination of cheating, drug abuse, and child abuse ended that relationship. The ex ran off to another state with her lover. I remained on good terms with her family as they all took my side. Silvia and her late husband became very close to me, but we tragically lost him to a workplace accident. Silvia in the years following that became close as our daughter's are best friends and eventually she and I both developed romantic feelings for each other.
A year later and we are living together and I couldn't be happier. We're currently living together and are in the market for a new home. Our children are really benefiting from having two parents around to care for them. Our daughters have begun to call each other sisters and my son is accepted in the same way. They're basically just normal siblings. It is interesting with my son. When he is talking to his friends or teacher he refers to Silvia as his Mom, but when calling her or talking to her he still calls her aunty, and our daughters are the same as I am uncle. It confuses some people we meet, but it's always an interesting story to tell.
We haven't had much contact with my ex-wife since my last post, though from what we hear she's doing much better. Has a halfway decent job, a boyfriend, and is keeping clean. I don't like to think about her being reintroduced into my children's lives, but if she continues to be a clean and well-rounded person, it will make it much harder for me to deny her visitation should she seek it. Not just from a legal standpoint, but from a moral one as well. Neither Silvia and I look forward to that day, but the worries seem way off.
Her parents have stopped their prodding into our business and haven't tried to force the ex back into our lives as we feared. Our kids spend the weekend with them now as my two were already doing that before hand. So Silvia and I get to spend Friday night and most of Saturday to go on dates and have some alone time. Our mutual friends were all pretty surprised by this and have been very supportive as well. They try to be polite and not mention my ex-wife, but every so often it does come up. Mostly everyone is just happy that we've found happiness together.
One side of the family that I failed to mention in all of this was the family of her late husband. As you might expect her daughter still sees them regularly, and they are very happy and accepting of the relationship. His father even told me point blank that he was glad it was me, because he thought he would hate his daughter-inlaw bringing some strange man into his granddaughter's life. We haven't had many gatherings of course because of Covid but the few get togethers we have had have included them, and will always include them.
Speaking of her late husband, Silvia and I have talked quite a bit about our feelings and she's even had me come along to one of her therapy sessions, because despite everything going so well, and the immense and wonderful love we have for each other, his memory and presence will always be a part of our lives. She decided on her own that out of respect for me she had to take her wedding band off, something that caused a lot of sadness as you can imagine. I told her that she didn't need to do this and were we to get married, she's got two hands. After I said this she began to wear it on a necklace instead. She wears an engagement ring now. I don't have any crazy story on how the engagement went down I didn't spring it on her in some crazy public spectacle, but there were tears and hugs and kisses.
If you've got any questions I'd be happy to answer them. Thank everyone so much for all the positive words of encouragement.
112 comments
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yw6cy3/i32m_am_in_love_with_my_former_sister_inlaw27f/ | yw6cy3 | 28,845 | 8,341 | [
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"2022-11-15T19:14:53" | I cheated in my first relationship. | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yw6pph/i_cheated_in_my_first_relationship/ | yw6pph | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-15T20:44:58" | My partner told me he was excited to start a family, but went and had a vasectomy done in secret. I don’t know how we can move forward from this. | ONGOING | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/mila77peach in r/trueoffmychest**
---
&nbsp;
[**My partner told me he was excited to start a family, but went and had a vasectomy done in secret. I don’t know how we can move forward from this.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yn2vzw/my_partner_told_me_he_was_excited_to_start_a/) - 5 November 2022
Context:
I (22f) have known I’ve wanted to be a mom and have a family since I was little. I’ve been with my partner (24m) for six years now, and he was aware of this. He supported it, but obviously wanted to wait to start trying till we were older . I felt the same given we were still young when we first got together and not in the position to start a family.
But now we have both graduated from college, are working stable jobs, and are engaged. Now that we are at this stage we discussed and agreed to start actively trying for a baby. That was about 7 months ago. He’s know how badly I’ve wanted this and has seen how upset I’ve gotten each month when tests come back negative. But he always supported me and comforted me telling me it’ll all happen soon.
But it didn’t. Two weeks ago he told me we need to talk. those words never sound good. And they weren’t.
He end up telling me that he had a vasectomy performed while I was on a trip with friends for my 21st birthday last year. While I respect his decision to do so, I still can’t help but be hurt that he did this and yet kept telling me “not to worry” and that “it’ll happen soon” and how “excited” he was to be taking this step.
I just don’t understand why he couldn’t have told me he wasn’t ready or didn’t want kids. Prior to us starting to “try” I was on birth control and we used other protection methods. I really thought we were on the same page about wanting kids someday and when we decided to start trying.
I’m just in complete shock that he hid such a major thing from me. We haven’t been speaking much and he’s been staying with his brother since he told me.
I don’t know how we can work this out or move past this. I still love him, but I’m hurt that he acted like nothing was wrong. It’s making me doubt if I even want to go through with our wedding now, but at the same time I don’t want to leave.
TLDR: I’ve been with my partner for 6 years. We recently have been trying to get pregnant. After a while of no luck he revealed he had a vasectomy that I was unaware of.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE ! : My partner told me he was excited to start a family, but went and had a vasectomy in secret. I don’t know how we can movie forward from this.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yo0cly/update_my_partner_told_me_he_was_excited_to_start/) - 6 November 2022
UPDATE
I’ve gotten a lot of messages and questions regarding a update , I met to talk with my fiancé this morning and figured I would share the outcome of that conversation. As well as answer a lot of questions I’ve seen in comments or that I have received privately.
I have received a lot of questions/comments about “his body, his choice”. And yes, I do agree with this statement. I said in my original post I respect his decision. It was his choice, his body, and his right to have a vasectomy performed. I never said I was upset that he had it done, but rather upset that when we began to start trying he acted as though he had not had it done and kept it hidden. Leaving me wondering why i couldn’t get pregnant when he knew exactly why. That was the issue. I don’t understand how that wasn’t apparent.
Further, I had a lot of questions about how I couldn’t tell he had it done. I know nothing about vasectomy’s. So yes, I believed his claim of having it done when I was gone on a girls trip for my 21st birthday. But comments about the healing time frame and follow up testing made me doubt this/doubt that he had it done. The more I looked into the time frame of having the procedure done, I doubted him.
Before all of this came out, I never had any doubts in my partner. He was always very trustworthy, caring, kind, and loving. We rarely argue or fight and even when we have it’s been over minor things. I never saw any red flags and those in my personal life never did either. He was genuinely a great guy.
Which is what made not just leaving hard. We’ve been together for 6 years, and are we were set to be married in February. We have both invested so much time into this whole relationship as well as time and money into our wedding. So just ending things didn’t feel that easy for either of us.
We had been staying apart from each other to give us each time to cool down before discussing what this would mean for our potential to have a future together.
We met this morning to discuss the situation/so I could ask him why he hid this and what he shocked me even more.
I blatantly asked him why he had the procedure done and when he began having doubts about having kids. His response was that he never doubted having kids but started to doubt his ability to have one/get me pregnant. He followed this up by saying he never had the procedure and knew as little about them as I did. Instead he had apparently discovered he had a lower then average sperm count due to hormonal issues at a recent doctors appointment after he mentioned we had been trying without any luck. This appointment was in August. He brought paperwork detailing and proving this to our meeting as well.
He told me he didn’t know how to bring the topic up and mentioned that it made him feel embarrassed. And since he was told he wasn’t infertile and that we may just have a harder time getting pregnant he said he was just hoping it would just eventually happen so he wouldn’t have to say anything. He says he regrets hiding this, and regrets creating a lie to cover it, and I do forgive him.
We did re discuss having kids to which he ensured me is something he still wants. I feel relief knowing his concern, words of encouragement, and comfort after every negative test was genuine as he did truly want them to be positive.
When I asked why he created the lie of having a vasectomy rather than just telling me about the fertility issues, it again went back to him saying he felt a sense of embarrassment about the issue. He said he thought saying he had this on purpose would save him the ‘embarrassment’ of not being able to get me pregnant. He claims his inability to do so these last few months has made him doubt his masculinity and that by creating the idea that he purposefully chose to be sterile would make him seem ‘like more of a man’.
While I don’t fully understand this way of thinking, I guess I can slightly understand how these issues may have made him feel ‘less than’ when he wasn’t and shouldn’t have felt that way. I offered him comfort and we discussed looking into medical interventions as well as just continuing to attempt to conceive naturally.
I’m not leaving my fiancé. Yes I was upset over his lie, but he deeply regrets it. We both still love each other, both still want to be married, and both still want kids.
We will however be looking into attending individual and couples therapy to get over this. We are going to postpone the wedding since it’s only 4 months away, and I’m the mean time keep trying to conceive naturally. We decided we will look into intervention methods after our wedding.
I appreciate everyone’s advice on my last post, Thank you.
I will try to answer any further questions in the comments but hope this answers a majority of them/clears everything up.
Thanks.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yw9093/my_partner_told_me_he_was_excited_to_start_a/ | yw9093 | 7,608 | 6,319 | [
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"2022-11-15T20:57:50" | OP Tells Her Friend She Shouldn't Be Proud of Being Overweight (AITA Sept 29, '22) | CONCLUDED | Originally posted by u/happyfluffykitty in r/AmItheAsshole on Sept 29, '22, updated a few days later.
[Original Post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xrcxo9/aita_for_telling_my_now_ex_friend_that_she/)
AITA for telling my now ex friend that she shouldn't be proud of being overweight?
My(f21) friend "Tara"(f20) has always been a little overweight, and in the past, she couldn't accept it. She tried so many diets, but nothing lasted more than a few weeks as, quote, "My love for food is so strong." A few years ago, she met a guy, and that was the hint she needed to get serious help from a professional doctor and to start exercising. I need to say she looked stunning after a few months and was able to "catch the guy." Let's say that the pandemic got the best of them, and after three long years of relationship, he dumped her. She was devastated at the beginning. She regained almost all the weight she had lost previously, but after some time, I and other friends managed to make her standing again.
She came back to hanging out with us, and she flirted with some guys, nothing serious. In the meantime, another girl joined our group, let's call her "Maya." Maya is the kind of girl that's naturally fit and doesn't need exercising at all, and that's something Tara couldn't accept. She began teasing her all the time, saying things like, "Hey, don't hug her too tight, you might break her," "How can you manage to have sex? A boy could crush you", "I'm glad I gained my weight back because I used to look like you" or even "At least I have some meat they can grab, if a boy grabbed you where would he put his hands? On your collar bones?" Maya always tried to laugh it off as she was the "new girl, " but I could see her not being comfortable at all.
Last night, after the umpteenth comment, I blurted a "at least she can fit in a pair of jeans." Tara suddenly fell silent as the rest of the group turned their heads on me, and I continued. "You shouldn't body shame someone over jealousy, and you shouldn't be proud of being overweight either. You know that doesn't help your medical conditions. " Tara stormed away, and a few girls followed her to check on her. Everyone called me an AH, saying that I shouldn't make fun of her for being overweight, nor should I bring up her medical conditions in front of someone that doesn't know her that much (Maya). I told them that it's hypocritical that they would scold me about saying that, something that's at least true, and wouldn't say a thing to Tara as she was body shaming Maya.
So, AITA?
*More info in a commnet:*
Just for you to know, I've talked so much about weight since that's the topic of this post. I had to explain the situation before telling the story, and I had to let you have a chance to understand why Tara was acting like that. In daily life, I do not concentrate on someone else's weight like this. Tbh, I don't care if you're fat or thin or half half as long as you are not a ah. I made some other comments to Tara before snapping, but they were to "light" to make her listen to me ("Low blow", "Tara stop it", "You're taking it too far",...).
Speaking about Maya, she thanked me a lot after the infamous dinner as the whole time she didn't know how to answer to her comment because she felt like everyone would have judged her. She also felt like everyone was enabling Tara to say and do anything she wanted just because she would play the "victim card" whenever she needed to and was then sure she would have been excluded by the group if she stood her ground. Also, it seems like Maya had spoken to some other girls from the group about this situation but they all answered things like "It's Tara, she's like that", "Don't worry, at some point she'll get tired of it" and my favorite "Well, you know, if we told her to stop it might hurt her feelings, she's so fragile".
*Verdict: Not the Asshole*
*Added as an edit a few days later:*
Update: tonight I went to dinner at one of my friends' houses. There were Tara and Maya too, I knew that, and that's partially why I wrote the post. As I arrived, I took Tara and went in a separate room with her, I told her I was sorry for what I said, but that I talked out of frustration. I also told her that I think her bullying Maya all the time is not cool at all and that she should apologize. She nodded and said she totally understood my point of view but wasn't going to apologize because this wasn't the occasion. Everything seemed fine between us, even though I wasn't totally happy with her answer, and we went back to the others.
Literally, twenty minutes ago, we had dessert. Do you see where I'm going? As I was eating the first bite of the cake, Tara announced, "As my name thinks that I'm fat, I decided to go on a diet, so I'm not having it." I almost choked.
Everyone laughed out of embarrassment, not knowing exactly what to do or say. Then Maya turned to her and said, "Well, that's the smartest thing I've ever heard you saying." I'm writing this from the passenger seat of Maya's car. We both left the house because there's been a huge fuss after Maya's comment and I finally realized that you don't have to hang out with people that you don't like anymore just because you were friends in highschool. So thanks, Reddit.
*A note from your friendly neighborhood reposter: To all the people commenting about OOP being an ass for responding to body shaming with more body shaming; I ask you to consider this - She tried to do it the right way. Some assholes just won't hear you until you speak their language.* | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yw9c1t/op_tells_her_friend_she_shouldnt_be_proud_of/ | yw9c1t | 5,602 | 19,059 | [
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"2022-11-16T00:34:08" | AITA for telling my mom she named me like a madlibs? | CONCLUDED | [removed] | outpan | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ywem06/aita_for_telling_my_mom_she_named_me_like_a/ | ywem06 | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-16T00:51:17" | AITA for encouraging my son to choose with parent he wants to live with? | INCONCLUSIVE | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yweysq/aita_for_encouraging_my_son_to_choose_with_parent/ | yweysq | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-16T02:44:47" | My husband's mistress contacted me. She's pregnant. | CONCLUDED | [removed] | Nixinger2 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ywhgl4/my_husbands_mistress_contacted_me_shes_pregnant/ | ywhgl4 | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-16T03:36:14" | AITA for telling my daughter she can cook herself now if she doesn't like my cooking? | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ywildx/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_she_can_cook_herself/ | ywildx | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-16T04:22:03" | (AAM) a man claiming to have an Oscar (he doesn’t) wants to give me advice on my field (that he’s not in) (Concluded) | EXTERNAL | [removed] | mcgriff4hall | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ywjjz3/aam_a_man_claiming_to_have_an_oscar_he_doesnt/ | ywjjz3 | 9 | 727 | [
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"2022-11-16T08:51:11" | OOP finds out the truth about her mother. | ONGOING | I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/awkward-pea4809 in r/trueoffmychest.
Trigger Warning - >!domestic violence, parental alienation, attempted suicide!<
#[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yj2x34/i_found_out_my_mom_what_i_though_she_was/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (2 Nov 22)
**I found out my mom what i though she was**
*(I think she means **i found out my mom isn't what i thought she was**)*
When I was 13, my mom and dad had a divorce. My mom had always been dull and uninterested in me ever since I could remember, so me and her weren't that close compared to me and my dad. During the divorce, I was asked to choose where I wanted to live, and I chose my dad. My mom had me on weekends, and during those weekends I kind of ignored her or was mean to her. My dad told me she was the one that asked for a divorce, and in my mind she was ruining our perfect family. After like 2 months or a bit more of her picking me up, I told her something really on the lines of her not deserving my dad and her being a lazy, useless bitch. After that day, she did not bother picking me up. I thought she left me, and at the time, I resented her for it.
Fast forward to 2 weeks ago. I am now 17. My dad and aunt have a bad relationship, but me and her are good. We were talking, and I was saying some bad things about my mother, and my aunt looked at me and told me to stop there. She then proceeded to tell me that you are old enough to understand now and told me that my dad used to beat my mom. He abused her mentally and physically, and it left my mom with severe depression, which is why she slept a lot and dissociated a lot. I could not believe it. Could the man that bought me my dream car on my 16th birthday be someone that abused my mom? But then I remembered my mom frequently "injuring" herself. I used to wake up in the morning to see my mom with a broken wrist or her hand in a cast, then a month later she would have a cast on her leg. Then there were times I would get something while she was showering and see bad bruises. and she would just say that it was from hitting her stomach against the kitchen table. Then I would remember the times my dad would call my mom lazy and useless, and how my mom would just sit there silently, looking at her food. My aunt told me my mom did try to take me away from my dad, but my dad is really rich and he knew i would choose him and that my mom is the reason she is still in contact with her brother, she wanted to cut him off but my mom begged her to look out for me. Then my aunt told me that the last time she visited me, she tried to commit suicide and was admitted to a psych ward for a month [I realized that I was my fathers daughter, I said the same thing dad always said to her. And hearing that from me must have gut wrenching for her]. I feel horrible, i am horrible. I wanted to talk to my mom and apologize, but my aunt told me that I shouldn't see her because I could trigger her again and that she was happy. I searched for her on social media and found her happily married with two stepdaughters. I know this because after stalking her page, I stalked her daughter's page and found a picture of my mom and her stepdaughter with a caption talking about how blood does not make a family. I am a really bad person. I am a horribly self-centered, nasty bitch. My dad is on a business trip, and even if he comes back, I don't think I can confront him. a part of me still loves him.
**Update**: thanks for all the kind words, After reading some of your comments I though that a letter expressing how I did not mean the things I said when I was younger and apologizing was a good idea. My aunt did not want to send the letter she told me that she has fault in this but I resemble my father. That she didn’t see it until she saw the way I talked about my mother, that I was reflection of him. She said my mother worked hard to get to this place and she does not want me forming a relationship that could jeopardize that right now, that she doesn’t believe I can unlearn everything I was taught within 2weeks. My dad travels a lot, I just realized me and him rarely talk so avoiding him has not been hard (he mostly just brought me stuff to make me happy). I don’t think he will even
notice if I cut contact with him.
**Comment**
My aunt isn’t my mom sister, she was her sister inlaw. she told me that her her brother has a big victim complex. That he was nice to my mom at-first but when my mom fell out love with him and asked for a divorce he went for revenge because he thought she was a gold digger and In his mind he not the abuser he the victim. My aunt has a similar experience with my mom. He is soo messed up. I can’t even look at him or think of him without being sick to my stomach . I can’t honestly believe he was my hero for the longest time. And the worst part is that I look at myself and see him. Getting therapy won’t be an issue. I literally have unlimited amount in allowance.
#[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yqcs2m/update_i_found_out_my_mom_is_not_what_i_though/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (9 Nov 22)
**UPDATE: I found out my mom is not what i though she was**
I gathered the confidence to chat with my mom on Facebook, and we set up a call. She actually apologized to me first; she told me she was sorry for not being the mom I needed, that she did not mean to neglect me, that she wished she was more involved in my life , that she could walk me to park and we could color together (i used to beg her to walk me to park and color with me instead of the nanny when i was much younger), and that was one of her biggest mistakes in life.(she said that she was glad i reached out that she thought i hated her). I told her it was ok, and I was sorry for the way I treated her when I was younger. I did not mean it. We talked a lot at first; it was awkward, but it got comfortable. I even talked to her stepdaughters on the phone; they were nice too. I asked her why she did not tell me, and she said that whether I chose her or not, I couldn't stay with her. She signed a prenup and was left with nothing; she did not have a job for like 14 years, and she didn't even have a residence. She did not want my home life to be difficult. We decided to visit each other when I go to her state to visit colleges. (I dont have her address so i could not send her a letter)
I told my dad; I know a lot of you warned me against it, but we were eating next to each other, and after talking to my mom, I had to be sure. He had raised me my whole life, so I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt or at least see some remorse. I asked him if he used to hit Mom when she was here, and I lied and said that I remember him hitting her once. He told me that I knew how my mom was and that she needed it here and there. I did not know what to say, so I just finished up and went to my room. His admitting to it felt so much more real. He did not even look sorry; he just got back to eating and using his phone.
And I have started getting therapy, hearing my mom tell me she love me and her showing me that she wants to hang out with energy in her eyes makes me really emotional & happy. and sorry about the title noticed it last minute. thanks for the advice if it was not for some of you, i would have just listened to my aunt and not bothered her at all.
p.s i haven’t told my mom about my aunt, should i tell her what she said.
**Reminder - I'm not the OOP** | prettiergenghis | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ywodox/oop_finds_out_the_truth_about_her_mother/ | ywodox | 7,680 | 4,721 | [
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"2022-11-16T11:27:15" | AITA for telling my daughter she can cook herself now if she doesn't like my cooking? | CONCLUDED | I am not OP. OP is u/TAcookingdaughter4.
[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yd53e2/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_she_can_cook_herself/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) posted on Oct 25, 2022
AITA for telling my daughter she can cook herself now if she doesn't like my cooking?
I (40f) have a daughter Erin (16). When Erin was 10 me and my ex husband "Mike" divorced and he moved to a different city for work. He would come and see Erin a few times a year and sometimes she would fly to see him.
As I'm the only adult Erin has left I normally cook for both of us (and occasionally for my boyfriend when he is over for dinner). I am not a health freak and mostly try to make filling and nutritional meals with "cheat meals" once or twice a week. I also try to make meals from different cuisines at least once a week.
A few months ago my ex husband moved back to our city alongside with his wife Kim (32). Erin was happy about it as it meant she could see her dad more often and we have agreed that she can stay over their new place over the weekend and holidays if they don't have other plans. I have met Kim a few times and she seems lovely and I trust Mike to look after her.
However since staying with them Erin kept talking what a good cook Kim is and how tasty her food is. When I have asked her what she is having when she stays she mentioned a lot Asian and Asian inspired dishes which I have no issues with, since I went through a phase of eating a specific cuisine for a few years when I was younger too. So I have tried making more Asian like foods at home to keep Erin happy (ramen, pad Thai, different grilled meats, kimchi etc). However no matter what I make, new or old dishes, Erin would say she doesn't like them and they don't taste good. I have tried cooking her favourite meals and deserts from before and got the same reaction. Over last 2 weeks it got to the point where she would refuse to eat anything I cook and would either go and stay with friends or have food at Mike's place.
I got tired of this and when Erin came back told her that if she doesn't like my cooking she can cook herself and do her own shopping, since she knows how to cook and we have a large supermarket 2 minutes down the road from us. Erin got upset and went to her bedroom to pick her clothes and is currently staying with Mike. Mike and my own parents called me to tell I am being unreasonable and an asshole since Erin is my daughter, so I "can't keep starving her". I don't think I am being an asshole here since my daughter refuses to eat anything I make these days, however would appreciate a second opinion.
Edit:realised I have mixed the names a few times and corrected it.
Edit 2: I was asked to add this to the post: The food is always available in the fridge. If it is not eaten by the time she goes to school me or my bf just eat it for lunch ourselves and make something new for dinner. Plus there's always snacks, cereals, different sides, fruites and veggies in the fridge or cupboards which she can help herself with.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yqfw71/update_aita_for_telling_my_daughter_she_can_cook/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) posted on Nov 9, 2022
UPDATE: AITA for telling my daughter she can cook herself now if she doesn't like my cooking?
I just wanted to post an update and a somewhat closure.
The past few weeks have been hard and I think Erin has seen my post. So she came back home accompanied by her father and Kim. She has apologised for her actions and said there was nothing wrong with the food I made, it just she preferred Kim's cooking at the time, but after living with them for a bit she realised it was not that special.
We sat down and Kim gave her perspective: as she runs a local restaurant when Erin was staying over originally Kim would make restaurant quality dishes that she would serve to the clients and a lot of times they use more and stronger spices or different more expensive ingredients depending on the dish and sometimes msg to enhance flavour of sauces. When Erin moved in with them and not just coming to see them over the weekend, Kim switched to making similar dishes but in more domestic style, so probably that's why Erin didn't like mine and "homemade" Kim's meals as they had less spices or sauces. She also explained it to Erin.
Erin seemed to be very excited, so I have asked her if anything happened. She said that Kim allowed her to learn some cooking at her restaurant when it is not too busy and she asked if I'm okay with this. I was relieved and told her I would be happy for her to learn but also warned her that she might get to stressed with all those after school activities and if she wants she can drop some that she doesn't enjoy. I have also suggested her to cook for us a dish she learned (me, my bf, my ex husband, Kim and herself) maybe once a month to see how close it would be to restaurant level.
We have also agreed to have some cooking days where me and Kim share and exchange our "secrets" and "techniques" when cooking and Erin is free to join in. | newww_heree | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ywqx5f/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_she_can_cook_herself/ | ywqx5f | 5,145 | 9,878 | [
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"2022-11-16T11:39:06" | OP's daughter made her cry for the first time in OP's life | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ywr4cv/ops_daughter_made_her_cry_for_the_first_time_in/ | ywr4cv | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-16T12:19:10" | OOP - I caught my mom cheating and she’s trying to convince me my dad knows. | INCONCLUSIVE | I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/forever_torn_apart in r/trueoffmychest.
Trigger Warning - >!infidelity!<
[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ykby6w/i_caught_my_mom_cheating_and_shes_trying_to/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (3 Nov 22)
**I caught my mom cheating and she’s trying to convince me my dad knows**
I’m f17 and until a couple of days ago, I thought I lived in the perfect family raised by my two loving parents (early 40s). My dad is an engineer who has been traveling a lot for the past year and my mom is in healthcare taking shifts in different times of the day. My laptop broke down and I asked to use mom’s laptop to finish a school project. When I was working, I saw a couple of whatsapp web notifications pop up with sexual messages. I tried not to pay attention until I realized these were from “Pete” and not from dad. I could not believe my eyes and I felt like throwing the laptop in the trash and pretend I never saw it. After I collected my thoughts, I went back to the chat and from what I can see, they met at least 4-5 times starting just a couple of months after my dad began traveling. I took photos of the chat history and went to my room trying to process; I couldn’t even finish my homework. From the messages, they were supposed to meet tonight, and lo and behold, just half an hour before the meeting time, she passed by my room to let me know she’s going to “work”.
The next day, I gathered my courage to confront her. I think she knew that I discovered her because the new chat messages have been read by me and I think I left the chat tap open before returning her laptop. I told her I knew what she was doing and that it was wrong. She sat me down and tried to calm me but I told her no way I would be calm and she said I will understand once I hear the explanation. She told me that she and dad agreed to open their marriage shortly after he began traveling. To be honest, I didn’t fully comprehend so she explained what that entailed. She told me, it was completely physical and she would never have feelings for anyone other than my dad (the messages I read support this as they were only about sex) and that they agreed to only do it if one of them is away. She closed by saying that this is adult stuff agreed between two loving adult spouses and I should stay out of it. I was dumbfounded and didn’t know how to react the whole time.
I started reading online about open marriage and this is how I found this subreddit. It was consistent with what she said but it just didn’t make sense to me. I don’t believe my dad would agree to this as his views are generally more conservative. Also, when he’s away, he’s more present with us than her as he video chats with us or plays online games with my two brothers almost daily. In yesterday’s call, I asked him why he has to travel a lot and he said this is hard but it is necessary to secure college money for me and my brothers. He assured me that it will change soon. I asked him how can he bear being away from his wife for almost half of the year, he said since their relationship foundation is strong, temporary separation only causes them to miss each other more and value the limited time they have with each other. He asked me if everything is alright and I told him not to worry.
I honestly don’t know if I should believe her. Should I ask her for proof for the open marriage claim? I am mortified to tell dad but is that my only option to confirm? I don’t want our perfect family to be torn apart but would it be fair to dad to keep this secret? I’ve been crying non-stop since this revelation and don’t know what to do.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ykby6w/i_caught_my_mom_cheating_and_shes_trying_to/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (9 Nov 22)
**Update: I caught my mom cheating and she’s trying to convince me my dad knows**
I thought this would be a good time to update you about how the situation progressed but it’ll be a long post. Reading through your responses, there were a lot of people recommending to tell my dad and others to keep to myself out or talk it out with mom. It took me a lot of time to think and decide that I want to somehow bring it up with my dad but that I wanted to wait to do it in person. His next home visit was in 5 days after the original incident. While waiting for that, I was really uncomfortable with my mom and was thinking twice about any move she makes. She tried to play it cool, open conversations or suggest going out but I just tried to avoid her. Even if my dad did know, I was subconsciously treating her in a cold manner. This might have contributed to what would happen next.
On the night before my father’s arrival, it seems mom broke down. She came into my room when I was about to sleep and asked if we can talk. She started to talk about generic things and how hard it was for her to be almost a single mom for the past year with two teenage boys and thanked me for helping out with that. Now I started to see her tear up while bringing up that she might not have been completely honest about the open relationship thing. Long story short, according to her, she suggested to dad a while ago to open the marriage but he didn’t give her a definite answer. Rather, that he will think about it and get back to her. She said that she asked to revisit but he keeps changing the subject. So, NO agreement from my dad, that was clearly established. Now at least I know what to expect when I approach my dad. By this time, she’s completely sobbing and trying to guilt trip me about the consequences of disclosing the whole information to him. I felt sorry for her and told her the right thing to do was to come clean with him but she said she doesn’t have the courage to do it. I said that I will do it if she doesn’t. She said she’ll think about it and we both went to bed; not that I could get any sleep that night after this.
My dad arrived the next afternoon. Earlier that morning my mom sent in the family chat that she had to take an emergency shift, won’t be back until the evening, and apologized profoundly. In the private chat, I told her what the hell she’s doing and she said she’s not ready to tell him and needs more time to find the courage. I told her that I don’t think I can hold it and act normal around him so he most likely will find out from me if she doesn’t do it tonight. She sent several crying emojis then gave me the go ahead to talk to him and told me to update her if it is safe for her to come back home after I talk to dad! I don’t know what she meant, as my dad was never the violent type.
Over dinner, my dad was visibly displeased as mom never take shifts during his arrival. When we were alone, after having a lot of small talks, he was telling me that one of his co-workers is getting married next week so he’ll try to stay around to attend that. I used this as transition and told him that I came across the term ‘open marriage’. I told him that after hearing and reading about it, I asked mom what she thinks of it and mom told me it would be ideal for her situation, then asked him what he thought about it. He was taken by surprise. He said he doesn’t believe in polygamy (another term I just learned) and that if a couple feel the need for it, they should address the issue that makes them feel that way and if this issue cannot be resolved then polygamy would not be the answer. I asked if mom asked him for an open marriage he said yes but that he refused on the spot. After that, he promised her that he’ll ask to take a local position (kind of a demotion for him) as he didn’t know this is how she felt especially since he didn’t take this job in the first place until she was okay with him travelling. He was actually just approved to move back to our city and will start the new job after the new year; he was planning to surprise my mom with the news. I asked him when was the first time they talked about this open marriage proposal and he assured that it was only ONE talk that happened around 5 months ago (this is definitely after the time my mom first met Pete). He started to pressure me about what’s going on but I was able to get out of the conversation as I needed some alone time to make up the two sides of the story. By looking at the messages dates, apparently my mom started seeing this guy (not sure if they had sex initially or not) then asked to open the marriage to give her legitimacy to fuck him. When my dad refused, she did it anyway.
I was boiling and couldn’t think straight. I messaged her to please come home and that everything is fine, then I messaged dad screenshots of her conversation with Pete then I came here to write this update. I really don’t care about what happens next and won’t write another update. Whether they separate or not, isn’t important to me anymore as I know life won’t get back to what it was anyway. The important thing is that I made peace with me carrying this burden.
**Reminder - I'm not the OOP** | prettiergenghis | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ywrvhx/oop_i_caught_my_mom_cheating_and_shes_trying_to/ | ywrvhx | 9,197 | 6,367 | [
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"2022-11-16T12:42:45" | The mystery of the soap-smelling oven | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ywsceh/the_mystery_of_the_soapsmelling_oven/ | ywsceh | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-16T12:56:04" | OOP asks if they're the AH for saying their mom named named them like madlibs, gets a wake up call | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ywsm37/oop_asks_if_theyre_the_ah_for_saying_their_mom/ | ywsm37 | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-16T12:56:14" | OOP wants to quit their hotel job, thinks manager is out to get them | CONCLUDED | I am not the OP, that would be u/Zarek96 in r/talesfromthefrontdesk
[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromTheFrontDesk/comments/wgkel6/i26f_want_to_quit_also_think_my_supervisor38m_is/) - **i(26F) want to quit, also think my supervisor(38M) is being vengeful.**, Aug 5, 2022
I've been doing my job steadily, I was happy at first. Receiving 5 stars reviews, promotions, guests being extremely happy with me every single time. I've changed of supervisors 3 times so far. The last one likes to put me to do things (work-related) that I have like a month of experience on and I've never done it unsupervised. I told him so and that I'm not comfortable with him doing that, because I'm being paid minimum wage even though I'm bilingual and I have almost a lot years of experience in my field. And the things he wants me to do can cost me really a lot money if I make a mistake. I told him no, I won't do it again and it's not on my contract.
He posts the working calendar everything 15 days.
He likes to do changes out of the blue now, changing my schedule and position or taking off my days off the last minute. Asking me to cover shifts like with 10 minutes notice, calling me at my home to berate me about leaving a light on, even though there's like a full staff in there still. Threatening me with meetings, he sees me using something and the next day there's a memo about it in the group.
I feel hunted down and I get home, cry, sleep, work, get home, cry, sleep and repeat. I went to HH.RR. and they told me that it's normal he does this because I shouldn't make plans, I should always be available to be needed at work.
-Since he's here, 4 people have resigned. -I'm writing this at 10p.m., he just changed my schedule for tomorrow via WhatsApp. -My minimum wage is $233 per month. I'm not from the U.S. -I've been dealing with this because right now I need something stable for other projects in life I'm dealing with. -I take care of my grandma, and currently I've barely seen her in the last four months and that's killing me.
I'm literally thinking of throwing myself at a moving vehicle so I can finally get a day off of him.
What can I do? I need some help with this.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromTheFrontDesk/comments/x9iwhq/update_i_quit/) - **UPDATE: I QUIT!**, Sep 9, 2022
I quit and I feel great! I just presented my resignation letter on Saturday and my old boss said I really wasn't of use to him, THEN CHANGED MY SCHEDULE ONCE AGAIN TO TAKE AWAY MY DAY OFF, so I told him: "This is my resignation letter, effective immediately."
Him: but I need you tomorrow, the new girl doesn't know and she will be left alone on Sunday and you're supposed to help her.
Me: this is no longer my concern, I don't work here anymore.
Him: I don't accept the resignation.
Me: too bad, I already sent the letter to H.R., and they accepted it. It's good you never had a use for me, because I normally did nothing around here.
Him: you can't quit, we are fully booked until December and we were counting on you.
Me: To be honest, I don't give a fūck. I'm tired of you and your antics, (he tried to interrupt me) I am NOT DONE TALKING, besides I've asked around and what you do to your employees is very illegal and I don't want to hear another word from you directed my way. Thank you, we're done talking.
AND I LEFT AND I'M SO HAPPY!!
I'VE BEEN SLEEPING THE WHOLE NIGHT!!!, no more crying, H.R. tried to change my mind but nope!
I'm currently in my house, I'm late on everything, bills, rent, food, everything! But I have so much peace you guys can't even believe it! Thank you for your help and support, and the time you took to read this. | beerbellybegone | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ywsm71/oop_wants_to_quit_their_hotel_job_thinks_manager/ | ywsm71 | 3,776 | 5,479 | [
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"2022-11-16T13:08:56" | OOP is legally the father of a child who isn't his, and the mother just passed away. | CONCLUDED | [removed] | beerbellybegone | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ywsvv3/oop_is_legally_the_father_of_a_child_who_isnt_his/ | ywsvv3 | 9 | 0 | [
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"2022-11-16T13:23:28" | OOP wants to know "AITA for telling my daughter she can cook herself now if she doesn't like my cooking?" | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ywt734/oop_wants_to_know_aita_for_telling_my_daughter/ | ywt734 | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-16T16:00:34" | AITA for insisting my brother’s girlfriend proves she’s pregnant or she has to move out? | REPOST | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/reddithrowawa45 in r/amitheasshole**
---
&nbsp;
[**AITA for insisting my brother’s girlfriend proves she’s pregnant or she has to move out?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/prvv8r/aita_for_insisting_my_brothers_girlfriend_proves/) - 20 September 2021
My (f20) brother (24) has been on and off with his girlfriend (27) for a couple of years now. It’s been the same song and dance, they’re happy for a few weeks, then something small happens, they argue, it gets really nasty, and they make up and back to a loving couple. When i learned my brother got kicked out of his apartment and needed a place to stay i offered him the extra room in my apartment and my brother agreed to pay rent, help with bills, and pitch in with food.
For three months now, she’s been announcing she’s pregnant. She alone will eat a snack box with 50 small bags of chips in a week. i tried to reason with her and get her to cut back (not only from overeating but she was running us low on food) but she insists she and the baby are healthy and it’s just cravings blah blah blah.
Since last month, most of what my parents sends to my house (my mom is a couponer so she bulk shops and give away what she has too much of) my brother’s girlfriend is the first to get into it and a large portion of it is gone by a few days to a week. From a 24 case of monster (the energy drink if you’re not familiar) 8 will be gone in a week from just her.
She eats a hell of a lot of food too, most of which no pregnant woman should be consuming so much of and yes i know all pregnancies are different but words can’t explain how much she eats in one sitting.
So, today i had seen her drinking coffee and after her 2nd cup i asked her if she should be drinking so much and she said her doctor told her it was fine and she had no worries. When i suggested she take on a healthier diet for the baby she just scoffed and walked out.
I went and asked my brother if he’s been to any of her doctor appointments or even seen a positive pregnancy test and he said he didn’t. I confronted her about it and she said she didn’t have to prove anything and started to get defensive. I told her she needed to show a test or some proof of going to the doctor or she needs to move out as she doesn’t help at all.
My brother started defending her and changed his answer from not seeing any proof to seeing her pregnancy test. My parents got word of what i said and my mom says i was in no place to say anything and every woman’s body is different and i wouldn’t know since i’ve never been pregnant. AITA?
Verdict: NTA
Edit: i did talk to her a while ago about getting a job as well as helping out financially and she said she’d start and never has.
Right so based on majority of the comments i overstepped yes but i’m going to go with my gut on this one and give them their 30 days notice and call it a day.
I’ll for sure update you guys in a month (when they’re to be gone) and let you all (who’s interested) know what’s happened by then!
I keep repeating myself let me add my brother knows everything i’ve said (the excessive caffeine, no ultrasound etc).
Yes my brother still buys her tampons monthly and i know this because he goes with me when i buy mine.
No i was not faking concern by the coffee comment. She drinks 2 cups of coffee a day along with a monster that’s a ton of caffeine.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE: AITA for insisting my brother’s girlfriend proves she’s pregnant or she has to move out?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qbxz93/update_aita_for_insisting_my_brothers_girlfriend/) - 20 October 2021
Ok so i gave my brother and his girlfriend the 30 days notice and they were to leave this Friday but as of last Friday, i have my place to myself again.
Basically they fed me a bunch of lies since i gave them the 30 days notice. First, it was “she cant get an appointment or an ultrasound because of all of the covid patients”. Then, brother’s gf shows me a sonogram picture from her phone (that i later found on google images). I asked why it was on her phone she said it was emailed to her after her doctors appointment (that she couldn’t get?)
Then my brother brought home baby clothes last week (to sell the lie i guess?) but they weren’t clothes for a newborn, It was a lot of 9-12mo and 2t. When i asked him why none were proper clothes for newborns he said “so he can grow into them” (was told she was pregnant with a girl)
I didn’t bother to ask anymore questions because i knew it was going to be lies on top of lies. Then Friday, i got home to them arguing and at each other’s throats. Eventually i called the cops because they weren’t letting up. At this point they both had come clean with the “truth”.
Brother’s “truth”: His Gf is the reason he was kicked out of his place then she needed a place to stay because her parents kicked her out so she forced him to let her stay in my house by faking being pregnant . He said after the first month he knew she wasn’t pregnant because she got her period but she forced him to keep up the lie so i’d let her stay.
GF’s “truth”: Brother invited her to stay at my place and to make sure i wouldn’t say no he told her to fake a pregnancy and i’d be sympathetic (won’t go into detail but i’m 100% certain that part she said was true) and i wouldn’t question her using tampons as he’ll make up a lie for her. She said he told her to eat up all of the food because it’ll make it all seem legit.
So, that’s about all, i’m still unsure who’s telling the truth but they both got all of their belongings and went their own way (i assume) so it’s not my problem anymore.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ywxdbm/aita_for_insisting_my_brothers_girlfriend_proves/ | ywxdbm | 5,735 | 14,722 | [
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"2022-11-16T16:09:43" | OOP - After 10 years, I finally took my hijab off. | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Amel1a_ **in** r/offmychest
*The post is not about OOPs religious beliefs and practices, so please refrain from commenting and debating on it.*
trigger warnings: >!Compulsive disorder - TTM!<
[**After 10 years, I finally took my hijab off.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/yi3ta1/after_10_years_i_finally_took_my_hijab_off/) \- 31th October 2022
Honestly, just how the title goes, I’ve had a really hard time ever since I started to wear it, no one talked to me, people in my town, usually the people I knew from school or from other social events bullied me and called me a ‘terrorist’ which I later ignored and just kept to myself.
Now that I’ve taken it off, I feel confident again, I’m not as shy as I was in the recent years and it’s just exhilarating.
I feel comfortable in my body, I feel more confident and I love doing hairs styles on myself to boost more of my confidence and I love it.
I don’t regret it at all, I’m becoming at peace with my body and I love the way I get admired for my hair and how healthy and grown it is and I love it so much.
Anyway, I just wanted to share and thanks for reading. ☺️
[**UPDATE -** ***formatting changes done***](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/yjzvbe/after_10_years_i_finally_took_my_hijab_off_update/) \- 2nd November 2022
Okay, let me just start of by saying my post got a lot more attention then I thought and I didn’t mean it to go this far.
Now, I have been getting comments on my post and some private ones and I’m thankful for the people who said nice things and were supporting, it means a lot and I love you guys for cheering me up.
And as for the awards, I don’t know what any of them are because this is my first time receiving them, but I’ll look into that, and thanks, I appreciate that too.
I just wanted to make an update because people are asking the same questions on my dms as other people so I just wanted to give a little more context.
I’ve worn my hijab for 10 years and no it wasn’t for the right reason, I only wore it to hide my secret and shame and not let people make fun off me the way they did. This will be my first time talking about, so it’ll be hard to just come out with it.
For the people who asked why I took it off in the first place, it is because I was finally feeling a whole lot better in my own body then before. My hair has grown into something I’ve learned to love and it feels so good not to hide away, constantly.
As for my reasoning, I don’t want to share that side of the story, I was humiliated and felt so disgusted that it left me in pieces after and I only took my hijab off because I didn’t want to wear it anymore and was finally feeling at peace with my body.
So, I have a condition called Trichotillomania, it’s basically a condition where you have the urge to rip out your own hair, for me specifically, I rip it out of my head and no, it doesn’t hurt because I was used to it.
If you guys want to know more about it then by all means, research the topic, I’m not the only person who’s suffered with it. I have suffered with it for 19 years and only now got it in control. This was the time where I also took my hijab off because I was feeling more me now then I was before I could control myself.
I shaved my head two years ago and let my hair grow, it was honestly the best decision in my life because now I have an amazing set of hair that goes past my shoulders. I love it, I love not missing out on hairstyles because my hair was too damaged to do one in the first place and I love that I get compliments on it too. It honestly is the best experience I’ve ever had and I love the way it’s changed me.
As of wearing the hijab, I only wore it to hide my severely damaged head, I didn’t want to get bullied for this too, something this out of control and for me to acknowledge, I didn’t want to go through the hurt and that’s why I started wearing it.
Anyway, that was the reason I wore it so I hope that answered your questions and for the people who were mean about this, don’t comment if you don’t know the whole story, I just didn’t want to say anything because I was ashamed and not many people are aware of the conditions which prompted me to post an updated version of an explanation, which I don’t think you guys needed but I wanted to come out of my shell and tell someone my secret because then it’ll be less lonely.
And please stop fighting/arguing, it doesn’t do anyone any good and the people who only sent negativity are just trying to get a rise out of you, just leave them alone, they must be truly lonely if they have nothing better to do then to send hate comments to me and to the people who defended me.
Honestly, thought the community I classed myself in had more love then that, but clearly I was wrong.
Again, thank you for all the love and support and again, this is purely just to raise awareness of the issue and let the people who went through something similar, know that it’s okay and to not suffer in silence, you can do this, I believe in you.
BTW, just because I took my hijab off doesn’t mean I lost my faith, I’m still connected to God just like most of you here and I’ve never, nor will I ever turn my back on my religion. This was my decision and mine alone, I don’t need people commenting hurtful things and if you do, respectfully go away, I don’t need it here or in my life.
As for the auntie Karen’s, please leave me alone, I don’t need your threats nor do I need your insights, this was purely my decision and I’ve never felt more better about it. And before you start judging, know the story first and then comment, because clearly you must be a sad and lonely person to diminish me and make me feel worthless.
It honestly fuc\*ed that some of you think women have no rights and should be told to act accordingly.
P.s. to the person who reported me to the suicide prevention bot, thank you, don’t know why, but I’m totally fine😅😊.
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | raredontstare | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ywxn5l/oop_after_10_years_i_finally_took_my_hijab_off/ | ywxn5l | 6,040 | 2,691 | [
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"2022-11-16T16:32:30" | OP asks whether he is wrong in not giving half of his property and money to his younger brother. | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ywybzh/op_asks_whether_he_is_wrong_in_not_giving_half_of/ | ywybzh | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-16T17:06:48" | I[29f] tried to surprise my husband[28m] and all he just said “gross” | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwra_gross in r/relationship_advice**
---
&nbsp;
[**I[29f] tried to surprise my husband[28m] and all he just said “gross”**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/fs938m/i29f_tried_to_surprise_my_husband28m_and_all_he/) - 31 March 2020
My husband and I have been having a bit of a dry spell over the last two weeks, which started when I wasn’t in the mood for a few days in a row and he was, and seems to have spiraled from there. Tonight since we’re stuck at home I figured I would try and surprise him when he got off work. I put on some lingerie and waited on the sofa around when he usually finishes his last conference call. I got a little over excited early and was touching myself a little bit, and he came out of his office.
He looked at me, seemed disgusted and immediately goes “ugh gross, do that in the bedroom or something” and walks away. I mean I was trying to do something fun and spontaneous and he says gross? I don’t even know how to respond to that. We haven’t talked since that and I’ve just been stewing on that.
I think I’ve gotten a little bit too much in my own head about this because my best plan right now seems like to electrocute him(joking for any that can’t tell). But I mean what kind of response is gross? Who says that?!
I need an outside perspective. How would you respond?
**Update:**
well we had an apparently much needed conversation, and much of what was said was true, although he is neither gay nor cheating on me, and I have not gained weight, and nobody will be receiving any pictures of me.
He said that he’s sorry for calling it gross, but he feels like he’s always the one initiating and I’m always the one saying no, and whenever I do initiate I don’t put in as much effort as him. That the fact when he just stopped trying after the first couple days I said no that it took two weeks for anything to happen only proved it to him.
His first thought when he saw me was that I didn’t want to be interrupted, and his second was that after two weeks with nothing I didn’t even bother to ask or set a mood. And that’s apparently what culminated in the gross comment.
So we agreed that I would try to “woo” him a bit more and make him feel more wanted, and he wouldn’t take it to heart if I happen to say no a few days in a row.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ywzchw/i29f_tried_to_surprise_my_husband28m_and_all_he/ | ywzchw | 2,402 | 13,188 | [
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"2022-11-16T18:18:36" | OOP helps a classmate out | REPOST | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/2t_skelliott in r/nostupidquestions**
---
&nbsp;
[**Would it be considered rude if I, a male high schooler, bought a pair of shoes for a fellow male high schooler whose shoes are falling apart?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/dmq3rt/would_it_be_considered_rude_if_i_a_male_high/) - 25 October 2019
I got a glance of the shoe size today, he wears an 8 in mens and I mentioned the to my mom so she immediately bought a pair of the exact same shoes.
**Edit:**
Gosh, thank you do much for all your responses and reassurances! I'll try to respond and thank each one of you!
**Update 10/29:**
After rehearsal I caught him alone and asked what size shoe he was. He answered eight? after a little while and I explained that I had gotten some shoes a while back that didnt fit and was wondering if he would like them. He said he was fine and that the only reason he didnt have new ones was because he was too lazy to get them.
I told him that he didnt have to take them but it would be a help since theyve been sitting in my car for "like a week". He changed his mind and took them off me, saying he'd try them on and just say he bought a new pair. Thank you all for helping me figure out what to do and sorry if its confusing or written poorly. I know a lot of you wanted an update :)
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yx1g66/oop_helps_a_classmate_out/ | yx1g66 | 1,405 | 6,547 | [
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"2022-11-16T20:02:29" | My mom have been trying to get rid of my husband and acting like she's the victim. | ONGOING | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yx4fq0/my_mom_have_been_trying_to_get_rid_of_my_husband/ | yx4fq0 | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-16T21:38:23" | My daughter made me cry for the first time in my life. | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yx725v/my_daughter_made_me_cry_for_the_first_time_in_my/ | yx725v | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-17T00:08:06" | OOP's fiancé gives her a lackluster ring and proposal and it takes a turn for the worst very quickly | CONCLUDED | **I am not the OOP.** Original post by now deleted user in r/EngagementRings
[Does anyone else here (besides me) feel they can't partake in the ring posting on this sub because your engagement ring isn't big, sparkly, or unique enough?](https://www.reddit.com/r/EngagementRings/comments/ynt1bo/does_anyone_else_here_besides_me_feel_they_cant/) \- November 6, 2022
trigger warning: >!abuse!<
I am feeling a little down after my boyfriend's recent proposal. I said yes, but I am a bit disappointed in the ring (even though I know it sounds very materialistic to say). Even when we first started talking about marriage - been dating for 3 years - I told him that I absolutely 100% wanted to be involved in picking out or designing the engagement ring. And, since we both have good jobs, I would even put some of my own money down to get a ring I absolutely love.
What I ended up receiving was a 0.20 carat round solitaire diamond. A few things I told him about the ring as well was that round diamond solitaires on a plain band weren't my idea of an engagement ring, and it feels like he went out of the way to get me everything I didn't want. I also did tell him that because I did want a bit of a bigger stone I would pay for some myself, and he really ignored that request also.
I know this part sounds bad as well, but he also hyped up the proposal a lot and in the end it felt...anticlimactic? The whole year he said he was going to wait to propose around Christmas time when all the lights are up around town and everything feels magical. There is a cute little Victorian era themed town just a half hour away from where we live and that is the most special place in the world to me. This town always goes all out on Christmas for decorations and theming, it really is the most charming and magical place I ever seen, and we go for walks there all the time on weekends. Now, I feel I'll just be sad when we do go there and I feel he sort of went out of his way to ruin that for me as well... That was literally my dream engagement. He said he was going to make me feel like a princess on Christmas time (he knows how much I love the royal Christmas movies) and instead just - proposed in the bedroom before we got up for work...
I know some will say that maybe he couldn't wait and that maybe nerves got to him, but he KNOWS I would have said yes anyways no matter how nervous he was. And, quite honestly, I feel the whole 'nerves' thing is a bit of an excuse. How come 'men get nervous' is always applied to them but it feels that women are never allowed to be nervous for anything ourselves? I know it sounds mean, but that really is how I feel.
Why does it seem he did everything wrong on purpose even when we had open and honest conversations about my dream ring, proposal, etc. and he went out of his way to get all those things wrong? Should I be honest and give the ring back? I feel as though I spelled everything out numerous times and even though he said he'd remember to make everything special, he very well could have been too interested in what was on tv to really listen to me every single time we talked about it.
TL;DR: Just upset about this whole damn thing and I don't want the resentment to build up anymore.
**Notable comments from OOP:**
\*\*"\*\*And that last sentence is exactly what I'm afraid of happening for the rest of my life. He was always good at being a partner in general, but everything seemed to went downhill after a major life event such as an engagement. If he really is doing this because he doesn't want to marry me (just something I've been thinking about) I really wish he'd be honest with me instead of acting like a child and getting everything wrong "on purpose". At this point, I feel I could honestly give myself a better proposal and ring if he (and other men) just flat out refuse to do it. Sorry, just a little pissed off right now."
"My possibly-future-mother-in-law always sides with my boyfriend because of course he can do no wrong, and I really feel like I have to watch my tongue around her otherwise I'm the one who ends up "in trouble" at the end of the night when she goes home and I get the silent treatment. I am so glad his mother isn't afraid to side with you though and sadly, I wish that were the case for me. If I even express any dislike about the ring in her presence she'd tell my partner not to marry me right in front of me, and she has done so in the past about other issues and likes to talk about me like I'm not in the room. She'll say something like "If she's that disappointed, perhaps you should reconsider living with her and come back home with me." Now I'm just like, good. Maybe you two do deserve each other!"
**Update:**
[UPDATE to: Does anyone else here (besides me) feel they can't partake in the ring posting on this sub because your engagement ring isn't big, sparkly, or unique enough?](https://www.reddit.com/r/EngagementRings/comments/yqnmxm/update_to_does_anyone_else_here_besides_me_feel/) \- November 9, 2022
**TL;DR: My ex and his mother are goddamn babies and I am so fricken thankful I never married into a shit show of a family.**
Hello everyone; I am so sorry I didn't realize how many people wanted an update to this situation. I have been distraught for the past few days and I just didn't have it in me to use the internet at all during this time. I am feeling 10 times better now (yes, we are going through a break up over his stubbornness regarding this whole engagement issue) and, as predicted, an entire shit show went down between his mother and I to the point where I had to call the police and beg them to take her off my property (I said she was trespassing, which was basically true).
The only hard thing is we are stuck co-owning a house together and need to put it on the market and try to sell it ASAP. I am even willing to accept a low offer just to get this fucked up family out of my life for good. Thank god I only dealt with this douche for 3 years, and the next time I smell bull shit coming from any partner or potential partner I'll be sure to tell them where to go, because I cannot deal with this shit parade a second time around. And people (whether you are a woman or a man) - please remember this: when you marry someone you certainly do marry into their family, so whether you get along with them or not just remember you are marrying their son/daughter, and will therefore be your legal in-laws for however long you decide to stay married.
How everything went down: When my boyfriend came home from work, I sat him down gently after we had both finished our dinner and explained to him that while I *couldn't wait* to be his wife, there were some things I would like to go over with him in regards to the ring and the proposal. He immediately jumped to the conclusion that I was a selfish gold-digger and how right his mother was about me. I know it doesn't seem very mature of me, but I pretty much laughed in his face like "Bro, you're calling me a gold-digger, meanwhile we make exactly the same amount of money AND I come from a wealthy family...so therefore I have more money than you and I ought to be calling you the gold-digger here."
I tell him he's being ridiculous for not allowing me to spend *my own money* on my engagement ring and how I wouldn't feel hurt in the least if he wanted to do the same for his own, but then he starts shooting off some bull shit how women AREN'T ALLOWED to decide what their engagement ring looks like, or when and if a man decides when he wants to marry them or how he's going to propose. At this point, I am screaming because I tell him it's fucking free (I guess besides gas money, which I pretty much pay for anyway) to drive me to the town I've dreamed of getting proposed to for ages, and it's free to look at Christmas lights and go ice skating. He tells me that my "expectations are too high". I tell him to get the fuck out of my face for being that damn lazy and selfish.
You know what this man-baby does next? Well, the mother needs to enter this situation somehow so he cries and calls her on his phone asking her to come pick her up. I tell him that he's more than welcome to go live with his mother until he's well into his 50's for all I care, but that beast is not stepping foot in my house. He shouts at me that this is his house too and his mother is more than welcome to help pack his stuff. I figured if this is going to be the last time I see either of them, I'm better off just staying out of the way until they're gone for good.
Well, of course mommy has to barge into my grateful and tell me how ungrateful and selfish I was towards her precious boy. I warn her gently that if she comes anywhere near me I'll rip her hair out and push her down to the floor. I've never felt that angry in all my life and didn't know I had it in me to stick up for myself like that. But then she starts screaming at me that I wouldn't dare and how she'd sue me, and I told her I'd claim self-defense and tell the judge that not only was she trespassing, but willingly threatening me in my personal space and/or harassing me.
She initiated the physical contact first by actually hitting my arm, and I reacted by spitting in her eye (I know how awful that sounds but at that moment when I felt my entire life was falling apart I was saying and doing all kinds of crazy stuff I didn't know I was capable of). You know how I mentioned how strong and high and mighty she likes to act in my previous posts? She literally starts to shake and starts developing these pathetic crocodile tears and screams for her son to come get her. Fucking baby acting like a tough bitch all these years resorts to that the moment someone dares to stick up for themselves in her presence.
There's shouting and screaming on everyone's side and I just call the damn police. My ex immediately tells them that this is his house too, and the officer just looks at him and his mother in disbelief, shakes her head and asks "This situation is already out of hand. I am going to have to ask you and your mother to leave for at least a day or two until everyone calms down." I am so thankful she said that I burst into tears myself. She gave me some very good advice that I wouldn't have thought of in the heat of the moment and she asked me if I could have some kind of family member stay with me for the next couple days because she was concerned they would come back and threaten me again.
Even better, I went to my own parents house and our house is empty right now as far as I know, but it is getting put on the marker asap. Oh yeah, and for those of you wondering I gave myself a "Take this piece of shit ring with you" moment before my ex and his mother left for good and I threw the ring past both of their heads when they were heading to their car. The last thing I hear my ex screaming is "FUUUUCK NOOOO!" because god forbid he loses his fucking $700 piece of garbage diamond ring that immediately depreciates to $200 the moment it slipped on my finger. He actually thought he could get all his money back for that thing.
\*\*I am so sorry if this entire post sounded incredibly immature, but that's pretty much all I can give you guys when it comes to my douche of an ex and his mother. Please note that I have absolutely no more negative or positive emotions in regards to this situation and I am no longer thinking irrationally or planning on doing something irrational to myself or others (I don't give a fuck what my ex does, as long as he doesn't come anywhere near myself or my family). Everything and everyone is perfectly safe and fine, and I really do feel 20 times lighter and happier than I did 2-3 days ago.
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | shmemcat | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yxargp/oops_fiancé_gives_her_a_lackluster_ring_and/ | yxargp | 11,757 | 12,129 | [
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"2022-11-17T00:42:42" | The Story of Robert, A Suboxone Patient Dying of Cancer | REPOST | **Reminder: I am not the OP. Original Post by** [**u/medthrowaway87ei**](https://www.reddit.com/user/medthrowaway87ei/) **in** r/AskDocs
***Note:*** *This was posted here* [*2 years ago*](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/mqm76n/long_robert_is_a_cancer_patient_with_an_history/)*, but I came across it recently and was touched.*
trigger warnings: >!Cancer, Drug Addiction, Death!<
mood spoilers: >!Sad/Emotional!<
[Original Post - "Suboxone patient dying of cancer. Concerned about palliation." - Posted 2 Years Ago (11/14/2020)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/jr98zs/suboxone_patient_dying_of_cancer_concerned_about/)
41 yo white male, history of opioid abuse disorder, no major surgeries recently. 12mg bupenorphine/3mg naloxone 1x daily.
I'll spare you the gory details. Small cell lung cancer, inoperable, 4 months to live. I've been referred to palliation. I'm a grumpy bastard and my life has been pretty unpleasant in many regards so I'm actually not that worried about dying. Had to check out sometime, yeah?
What I AM worried about is pain relief as a long-term bupenorphine patient. Even if I went cold turkey today, which my prescribing physician recommends against, I'd still have somewhat of an opioid tolerance, no?
I don't meet with hospice till Friday, so I have some questions. Will hospice be able to meet my needs even though I have a tolerance? I don't want to die in pain and I'm really not in a position to book a euthanasia appointment on the other side of the country.
Thank you for your help.
[Update 1 - "41yo male dying of lung cancer, meeting with palliative physician today. What kinds of questions should I ask him?" - Posted 2 Years Ago (11/13/2020)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/jtiv4z/41yo_male_dying_of_lung_cancer_meeting_with/)
Hi everyone. Lung cancer guy again. Bad things are happening. Just got home from the hospital and barely avoided being admitted thanks to a palliative NP rushing over in the middle of the night to admit me into the home hospice program. I am forever grateful to her. I'm meeting the physician today. What kinds of questions should I ask?
My current list of questions is:
* Can you manage my pain after years of bupenorphine maintenance?
* Will someone be available to help me write letters? I'm cut off from my family but want to make amends.
* Will someone be with me all the time? I don't want to die alone and don't have anyone to call.
* Will I avoid terminal Restlessness and delirium? That is my only fear right now.
I don't think I have many more questions. Probably can't respond to many comments and PMs like I did last time. I'll try to post an update before I die.
Thank you for your help.
Edit: would also be nice to hear from others who have hospice experience.
Edit: thank you for your kind offers of helping me transcribe letters. I am not feeling strong enough tonight but perhaps tomorrow. Though, if things keep up at the same pace, tomorrow won't be looking too good. I will try to reach out if I can.
*Notable Comment:*
u/Fruna13 **(**[link](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/jtiv4z/comment/gc72qco/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)**):** This process is always uniquely difficult for everyone, and while we all will go through it at some point, I am sorry that this is where you're at right now.
I worked in home hospice for a while. The discussion with your care team should involve your pain levels and management, as well as managing any other uncomfortable symptoms such as shortness of breath or nausea.
You should also probably have a chat about your diet needs, especially wether or not you would like a feeding tube if at any point it becomes unsafe for you to eat normally, or if you become uninterested in food. Getting it or not getting it are fine, and the decision is yours to make, but it's best if it's an active decision ahead of time instead of trying to figure it out once it's already a problem.
Activity levels should also be talked about, especially in terms of preventing bed sores and excessive atrophy. Depending on your oxygen needs, this may vary a lot. This discussion would probably be were you'd bring up getting some help writing those letters, which may come in the form of a nursing aide, a social worker, a counselor, or even a volunteer.
In terms of not being alone, you may want to bring up either a patient sitter (they are a thing, mostly for people who need some help with activities of daily living instead of a nurse to do wound care and medication management), a carer, or a death doula (which is there to help you communicate with your team, make your death what you want it to be, and advocate for your previously made decisions). Most of these people you would have to hire yourself, though some programmes do have them included.
Another bit that you may want to discuss is end of life planning and estate planning. Besides the legal considerations, there may come a point where you're unable to express your wishes or make decisions, and it's always best to have a written document, signed, that can guide your care at that point in time. Your team are probably experts in these matters. This usually includes talking about fluid management, anything you'd like to avoid once you lose consciousness, and any personal requests. It also includes talking about what happens with your body, as well as with your belongings, but that side of things is usually handled by either specialised social work or a lawyer.
Keeping a record of your questions to ask your team as they come up is a good idea. A voice recorder, the voice to text function on your phone or a notebook if you can still write on your own are all good ways of remembering those things for when you have the chance to ask.
[Update 2 - 41yo suboxone patient with lung cancer. I don't mean to keep pestering this sub, but I thought I'd drop in to say good-bye. The cancer is in my heart and central cardiovascular area. It's over. (11/14/2020)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/ju4mua/41yo_suboxone_patient_with_lung_cancer_i_dont/)
Hello all. I hope this update doesn't break any rules, as I suppose I do not have any questions. Mods, let me know. I did not want to just disappear from reddit. I know a number of you have been thinking about me.
I said I would post an update before I passed away and, well, here I am. I know it is fast. But things have been happening fast. I don't mean to flood this sub with my misery. I'm on some heavy duty medications. I hope this doesn't come off as rambling.
This will be my final post. The Cancer is all through both sides of my chest and above my collarbone. It's over.
I was diagnosed with Extensive Stage small cell lung cancer and given four months to live on the 6th. Well, it seems "two weeks" was a more accurate approximation of my time. I am not long for this world.
As for what happened-- I wasn't slated to meet my hospice team till yesterday, Friday. I went to the ER on Thursday with chest pain. They took a lot of fluid out of my chest. The ER physician described my imaging as "grotesque" and immediately asked if I had considered palliation. I said I didn't see hospice till tomorrow. He said if I wanted any chance of dying at home, I needed to see them NOW, otherwise he'd have to admit me. He won't be getting any awards for bedside manner any time soon, but I greatly appreciated his candor. Several urgent phone calls later I had a palliative Nurse Practitioner in my room who went through the screening process and admitted me to their home hospice program. I went home Friday morning with a hospice kit. Met the palliative physician that evening, shortly after I posted my list of questions here.
I will not see Christmas, or Thanksgiving, or even next weekend. Every breath is work. Each one more work than the last. My team estimates that, at this rate, I will die Tuesday at the absolute latest. Probably sooner. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe tonight.
My oncologist called to personally apologize for misjudging my remaining time, but I hold him no ill will. Determining the time of death is not an exact science. I know that. I'm arranging to donate my body to science. I want them to do an autopsy and see how it got me so quickly, to help other cancer patients. The oncologist thinks the cancer may have gotten to my heart or the major central blood vessels. I didn't think small cell could move THIS fast but my oncologist says we caught it late.
My hospice team has been wonderful. I have crossed tapered from bupenorphine-- which I discontinued Wednesday-- to methadone, with little difficulty. I have a lot of morphine and the option of hydromorphone is on the table as well if needed. I am comfortable and resting at home.
The next stop on the train is continuous sedation, and I am very tired, so I probably will not be able to respond to anyone like I did last time. My physician says we can start a midazolam drip as soon as tonight. I will probably take him up on the offer tomorrow, if I'm still alive.
I suppose this is a good place to share where my fears around palliation come from. I used to be an aid in a nursing home, many years ago. I saw a number of unpleasant deaths due to insufficient palliation. We had a wonderful man who was prescribed a self administration pump for morphine. Problem was, he was too sick to press it, and his physician did not seem to grasp the severity of his condition. Every half hour, one of us would sneak in and press the button on his pump, which, in hindsight, was probably illegal, but what else could we do? He was very uncomfortable at the end. I tried to do basic mouth care just before he passed and he recoiled in pain. "Have a heart", he whispered. It broke my heart to hear this admonition from such a wonderful man.
My greatest fear was Terminal Restlessness. I saw a few patients scratch their faces and tear their fingernails out as they died, even on high doses of opioids and benzodiazepines. My palliative physician has assured me that he won't let that happen and that there is no limit to what they can give me. I feel much reassured.
I have tried to write letters to the people I've wronged. I suddenly find that I want to make amends. So many letters. I was a functioning addict for a long time. My family cut me off, rightfully so. So I have been writing a lot of letters. But I am losing strength. I will not be able to write many more letters. My CNA has transcribed one letter template for everyone. I hope it is enough.
I also had many kind offers to transcribe letters from Redditors here on the sub. What love that you would do that for a stranger. If I was strong enough to talk on the phone, I would have taken you all up on it, but I can barely talk. Perhaps, had I not been so stunned by my diagnosis, I could have arranged this sooner. But that is in the past now.
Dad, if you somehow see this post, I know how much I hurt you and and I am sorry. I wish I could call you. I do not even know where you live and I'm not strong enough to find you. I do not ask for your love, for that is beyond my power to ask. Just your forgiveness is enough. Please Dad, forgive me. I do not want die without your forgiveness. But I will, won't I?
I beseech you all to make amends with those you begrudge. Do not go to bed angry or hold hate in your heart. You will be glad that you forgave. I wish I had done so sooner, before I ran out of time. You will run out of time, too, some day in the future. Don't leave any business unfinished, any grudge unmended.
There a nicotine patch on my arm. A reminder of one of the several self destructive habits that brought me here. My smoking habit was not had enough to set things off this quickly, but it clearly did not help. For those of you who smoke, I have but one message: stop it. Please. You think you will wait till you are ready. You will never be ready. You say you will quit tomorrow, but then tomorrow becomes today, and you are never ready today, only tomorrow. Tomorrow never comes. Today is the only day in which the decision can be made. You can only quit TODAY. Do so now. Throw your cigarettes in the trash. Do it for me. What a gift it would be that my post would free you of tobacco's golden chains.
As difficult and shocking as these last few weeks have been, I regard them as positive.
Only four weeks ago, I thought that the universe was a cold and cruel place. I experienced physical and mental abuse, chronic pain, and addiction. But my situation has forced a change of perspective. I see now that all our experiences, no matter how horrid, are temporary, and that we will all find the same rest and peace in the end.
I do not mean to give the wrong impression to those struggling with depression. I have tried to kill myself before. The difference between then and now is vast. Death is an old friend waiting to greet you at the end of a long and well lived life. It can not be appreciated properly when sought in darkness. I know there is no magic fix for depression, but I urge you to get up, go out, and live the crazy, wonderful, irrational, beautiful life you want. If only I had done the same. What a gift is life!
Thank you all for your love, empathy, and reassurance. For all the people who PMed me offering to help with transcribing letters, for all the kind messages and comments. You are all beautiful people. I hope you remember that. No matter what anyone else says or thinks, or even what you yourself think, you are beautiful and can only be so, because you reached out to a stranger in his moment of pain. Your hearts will always carry that little light of goodness no matter how dark your days. Carry that little light with you and forget it not. It can brighten a stranger's day. It can even save the world.
A few PMed me asking to look into their religion. In the past I would have been irritated. Now I recognize that you were concerned for my souls well being. Thank you for your compassion. I am not well versed on religion, but I have prayed, and I trust that whatever higher power may dwell above the stars will look upon my situation with infinite love and compassion. This in my heart I know.
[/u/hugegrape](https://www.reddit.com/u/hugegrape/), you wanted to make me a plushie free of charge. Your care and empathy have touched my heart. I'm sorry to say that I will not be in a position to receive it. I did not expect to go this fast. I want you to make it anyway. I want you to keep it with you and know that you will always have a part of me. I hope this brings you some comfort. You have my everlasting love and gratitude.
Wishes are usually reserved for the future. I have no future. But I find myself still wishing.
I wish I had not worried so much about the little things. I wish I had not worried so much about the numbers in my bank account or the punch of the time clock. All that time working. I had enough money to keep a roof over my head and to invest in what few hobbies I had, yet I still kept racking up overtime. And for what? Only to find myself here. It all came to nothing in the end. I robbed myself of the most precious commodity I had, time, in exchange for green pieces of paper and little metal discs. A perverse and twisted trade. Only now do I see the truth.
I wish I had had the courage to live my life the way I wanted to. I wish I had traveled the world, fallen in love, written a novel. I wish I had had children. I have no one to whom I can pass my life lessons. No one to sit by my side, here at the end of my world. It is too late for me. But it is not too late for you. Live the life YOU want, no matter how strange it may seem to others or to society. It is your life and yours alone. Live it well.
I'm not sure where I go from here. I have been reading accounts of the afterlife from various cultures. Summerland, Elysium, Tir Na Nog. I've also taken to reading The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, though it seems I will run out of time before I can finish. What a strange feeling. I personally do not believe consciousness survives death, but I'm open to being pleasantly surprised. And if not, well, who can complain about a siesta that can't be interrupted? Regardless of what awaits me, it is nice to dream.
And that is what I will do now. I will dream. I will rest and dream of the peace to come till I dream no more. May you all one day face death with this same wonderful dream.
I do not have any friends or family to sit here with me, so I am leaving this tab open. I will read your comments and savor your reassurances, even if I do not reply. I will keep you all here with me. I feel less alone this way. I will keep you all with me as I die. You people are all I have now. I am strong but I am scared. Stay with me till I'm gone. I do not want to be alone.
Till we meet again, my beautiful friends.
Robert S
Edit: just woke up from my nap and I'm overwhelmed by the outpouring of love. I'm touched by the people throwing away their cigarettes and finding the courage to pursue the life they want. What a blessing you all are. I am reading every message I can even if I don't respond. Tears streaming down my face. Now I know I will not die alone. What a gift this sub has given me.
Edit 2: Sunday at 2:30 pm. Haven been awake much but I've read as much as I can. How I cherish your love and kindness. You helped a grumpy drug addict die with love in his heart and a smile on his face. the doc will be here at 3 to give versed. I'm tired of trying to breath. chaplain has given me last rites. Its over now my friends. I love you. Good bye
*Notable Comments:*
u/theothernguyen **(**[link](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/ju4mua/comment/gc9rxf7/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)**):** as a doctor who often treats patients such as yourself, thank you for sharing and allowing me to further understand and hear from a side I don't often have a glimpse into. you will live on forever in how I care for patients in the future. I am forever in your debt. thank you and God bless.
EDIT: thank you stranger for the gold, but in lieu of any awards that would just go to reddit, please consider donating instead and leave a message for Robert [https://drugfree.org/donate](https://drugfree.org/donate)
u/keyst ([link](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/ju4mua/comment/gc9lplv/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)): You aren’t alone - all of us are with you right now.
[Final Update - Update on Robbie from Cherri (11/16/2020)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/jv773f/update_on_robbie_from_cherri/)
Good morning. My name is Cherri. I was Robbie's volunteer doula with the hospice program. I am posting here to honor his wishes in providing this message board with an update after his passing. I am not familiar with this app, but Robbie gave me a little tutorial. Please forgive any mistakes :) Robbie had initially wanted to pass while conscious, however, he was having increased difficulty breathing Sunday morning. He received last rites from our chaplain and was sedated with midazolam, at his request, at 3:05 pm. He remained asleep and appeared comfortable. Agonal respirations were noted by the nurse at 6:14 pm and suppressed with morphine. The physician called time of death at 6:27 pm, Sunday, November 15, 2020. Robbie's passing was peaceful and without pain. Robbie spoke often of the kind messages he received on this board. I know they brought him comfort. His final posting was incredibly poignant and moved even our most seasoned staff to tears. He was a quiet man. I think his voice was his words. It was honor to attend to him in his passing. I was attracted to hospice because not everybody breaks a bone, not everybody has heart disease, but everybody dies. It is an honor to be with others as the undergo this universal journey, and it was a particular honor to attend to Robbie, who had no family or friends by his side. I am providing some images on imager that Robbie wanted shared with this board, one of him young and healthy, the other a final handwritten note. Please let me know if the link works:
[http://imgur.com/a/OLbDMdx](http://imgur.com/a/OLbDMdx)
I obviously cannot hold onto his phone :) it will be shut off and filed away with his estate, which is being handled by his family, who our social workers were able to locate Sunday evening. They expressed regret at the news of his illness and passing. We are sharing his final posting with them as well. One last thing before I go. First, Robby expressed many concerns about his suboxone. As the opiate epidemic continues to ravage our communities, we see more and more patients entering hospice on suboxone and methadone. I want those of you with opioid maintenance to know that you will never be judged by our staff, and your medications are not a barrier for care. Our organization consults with a pain specialist physician specifically for these cases. We will never let you die in pain. Never! I hope this posting provides some closure for those of you who have been following Robbie's case. These fast cancers are always sad, but Robbie faced his passing with dignity and grace. He was truly a wonderful man, and he lives on in our memories. With regards, Cherri N
[Bonus - Blue Whale plushie update. RIP Robert. ❤️ (12/06/2020) by](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/k84ryu/blue_whale_plushie_update_rip_robert/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) u/hugegrape
[Link to the plushie I made for Robert!](https://imgur.com/gallery/d8wZyyj)
[Robert’s original post on r/AskDocs.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/ju4mua/41yo_suboxone_patient_with_lung_cancer_i_dont/)
Hi everyone! A few weeks ago, Robert made a post on [r/AskDocs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/) looking for answers about palliative care in a hospice setting. I was moved by his resignation, the hopelessness of the situation, and the fact that he was going to die alone. I felt, and still feel, like nobody should have to depart this world feeling so alone and unloved. I’m sure many of you were touched similarly by his posts. I had started sewing plushies to keep my hands and mind busy whilst recovering from a mental health relapse. I offered to make Robert a plushie to remind him that he is loved, and also to give him a little comfort as he passed.
Unfortunately, Robert’s condition took a turn for the worse, and he was unable to accept my plushie. He told me his favorite animal, and instructed me to make it anyway and treasure it. So, here it is, Robert’s blue whale. His legacy will live on at least in this plushie. ❤️
Sorry if this post breaks the rules. So many of you wanted to see the plushie when it was finished and I didn’t know another way to reach out to all of you.
RIP.
**Reminder: I am not the OP. Original Post by** [**u/medthrowaway87ei**](https://www.reddit.com/user/medthrowaway87ei/) **in** r/AskDocs | bluebear185493 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yxbjn1/the_story_of_robert_a_suboxone_patient_dying_of/ | yxbjn1 | 23,076 | 4,080 | [
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"2022-11-17T01:34:19" | NZ Police Harass OOP and Refuse to Give Real Apology despite Video Evidence | INCONCLUSIVE | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yxcpr8/nz_police_harass_oop_and_refuse_to_give_real/ | yxcpr8 | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-17T01:43:24" | Squirrel is now desperately trapped in our ceiling...the shocking conclusion | CONCLUDED | [removed] | lesstravelledroad | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yxcx1f/squirrel_is_now_desperately_trapped_in_our/ | yxcx1f | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-17T02:44:49" | OOP - AITA for not changing my tattoo based on my child's pronouns? | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yxea5q/oop_aita_for_not_changing_my_tattoo_based_on_my/ | yxea5q | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-17T03:05:42" | OOP proposes to GF with a video game relic instead of a ring and refuses to buy a ring . | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/khajiitthrowaway **in** r/AmItheAsshole
trigger warnings: NONE
[**AITA for proposing to my girlfriend with a video game relic instead of a ring and refusing to buy a ring after**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j6vh3c/aita_for_proposing_to_my_girlfriend_with_a_video/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) \- 7th October 2020
My girlfriend and I met in a Skyrim meme page in 2014 and have been together for 6 years.
Last week was our anniversary and I decided I wanted to propose. Since we met via Skyrim, I thought I would promise with the amulet of Mara, which is the symbol that someone is ready for marriage. She doesn’t really wear jewelry or anything and has never shown me a ring she likes when we’ve talked about marriage so I thought it’d be sweet to have something that brought us together.
I set up this whole picnic with our favorite things and when I proposed, she looked sad and asked about a ring. I told her I thought the amulet of Mara was sweet because we met via Skyrim.
The other day she sat me down and said she thought the amulet was very sweet and she liked it, but she wanted to go ring shopping. I told her I had already bought the necklace and I didn’t see any reason for a ring since I didn’t propose with one. She said she appreciated the sweet gesture but she really wanted a traditional ring.
We got in an argument and it’s been tense the last few days.
AITA?
&#x200B;
**Verdict - A-hole (YTA)**
&#x200B;
Update: we talked. I bought her a ring. Thank you for the messages and judgment.
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jt4qzb/update_aita_for_proposing_to_my_girlfriend_with_a/) \- 13th November 2020
Well, here’s an update for you. We got married!
I realized pretty quickly after posting my original post that I was the asshole and my feelings were hurt because I’m an idiot. So we picked out a ring together, and in that we decided, hey, let’s just elope! So we both picked out a ring, and now we’re married.
Thank you for everyone who tried to knock some sense into me. I am very happy with my wife, and I’m glad we both got what we wanted.
She also wore the amulet as we got married, but she didn’t want me to post any of our actual wedding photos on the internet so I’m just posting the rings.
That’s it, we’re happy, a ring was bought and now we’re just enjoying nerdy married life.
Edit: I removed the photo of our rings. I will not have people insult my wife. She is a ridiculously beautiful woman, but that isn’t the most important thing. She is compassionate and smart as hell. She’s the funniest person I know, and has such quick wit she’ll put you on your ass laughing.
But you people can’t get passed her (I think adorable) hands, so no more photos. Sorry.
Final edit: I’m not sure if this is allowed, and if not I’m very sorry but my wife created a discord server for people who genuinely just want to see the rings, so message me if interested I suppose.
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | raredontstare | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yxeqth/oop_proposes_to_gf_with_a_video_game_relic/ | yxeqth | 3,089 | 5,316 | [
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"2022-11-17T06:10:05" | (AAM) coworkers only ask me about ducks (Concluded) | EXTERNAL | I am not the OOP - this is a repost sub.
Beware - there aren't any high stakes, life-changing impacts happening here - so don't get your hopes up here. If that's what you're looking for, look for some relationship advice posts.
Trigger warning: >!quack.!< >!Ben Wyatt.!<
[First post (1/11/2019):](https://www.askamanager.org/2019/01/coworkers-only-ask-me-about-ducks-adult-facts-in-a-work-presentation-and-more.html)
I’m in the lower-middle level of food service establishment with a couple hundred employees. Last year, I started a side project where I got us a small flock of ducks for fresh eggs and general merriment.
Ever since, folks only ask me about the ducks. I have brief interactions with at least a dozen people a day and 90% of the conversations start with, or completely consist of, “how are the ducks?”
The ducks are darling and entertaining and I love working with them, but they are a small part of my job and not the only interesting thing about my role or personality. I’m getting increasingly cranky and desperate for more diverse conversations. The ducks are always fine. If anything big happened with them, I’d let folks know. They are literally out the back door and anybody could go look at them if they wanted.
Is there any way I can get out of having this same insubstantial conversation 10 times a day for the foreseeable future? Especially since any one person probably won’t ask me about them more than twice a week, so it seems unreasonable to ask an individual to stop? I want to be friendly and gracious but seriously enough with the ducks for one second.
\*Alisons advice is at the same link\*
[Second post (12/31/2019):](https://www.askamanager.org/2019/12/update-coworkers-only-ask-me-about-ducks.html)
It’s been almost a year since I wrote in and the ducks remain a big deal. They’ve been on the local news twice and in the newspaper! They are very cute and nice but the scale of interest is inexplicable to me. If anybody watched Parks and Rec, they are our Lil’ Sebastian.
What’s been most helpful, as you and the readers suggested, was adjusting my own attitude and going with it. I get stopped every day and asked how the ducks are and I say they’re great. Sometimes folks stop me just to tell me they saw them (they are immediately outside the back door) and I just say yep! Super!
With all that’s challenging in the world, I’m going to lean into the mysterious joy these charismatic waterfowl bring.
Please enjoy these videos of them playing in the pool and discovering a mirror!
\*Seriously - everyone visit the link and view the videos of the super cute duckies\*
\*also seriously - the OOP shows that sometimes you have to realize that things that don't matter to you matter so much to other people - and it's OK if you don't get it - but you don't need to bring other people down by putting down their interests\* | mcgriff4hall | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yxifqx/aam_coworkers_only_ask_me_about_ducks_concluded/ | yxifqx | 2,907 | 5,050 | [
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"2022-11-17T10:11:18" | My friends mom pushed me into a table saw (Final Update) | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yxmids/my_friends_mom_pushed_me_into_a_table_saw_final/ | yxmids | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-17T10:27:44" | My husband cannot accept I don’t like mustard. Things came to a head yesterday. | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT OP.**
[**My husband cannot accept I don’t like mustard. Things came to a head yesterday.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/yju3vf/my_husband_cannot_accept_i_dont_like_mustard/) in r/relationship_advice submitted on 02 Nov 2022 by u/throwrapickyeater
trigger warnings: >!emotional, physical and sexual abuse!<
We’ve been married two years, dating five. We are both 34- I’m a woman, he’s a man, if it matters. I’m not a picky eater. In fact I’m quite adventurous and every time I’ve traveled I’ve always made it a point to try dishes with unusual/uncommon ingredients to say I’ve tried them. There are very few foods I won’t eat. One of them is mustard (the condiment).
I don’t like it. I just don’t. The taste is very strong and overpowering and it’s an unpleasant taste. I’ve tried yellow, stone ground, honey, artisan, brown, spicy, you name it. I have tried them all. And I just don’t like them.
My husband for some reason never understood this. He loves mustard, especially honey mustard. He puts it on all his sandwiches, dips his fries in it.
And everytime he tries to force me to try it. He’ll insist I’ll like it this time. I’m a grown ass woman. I know what I don’t like! And I don’t like mustard. So I’ll say no and it’ll devolve into a mini-argument where he’ll call me picky.
Well, last night we were on the road home from a weekend trip we took together and he stopped at a gas station to get us a quick bite. He got a hot dog slathered in mustard. I got one but decided to keep it plain. I don’t really love hot dogs to begin with but I will eat them.
While we waited in line he asked what I got on mine. I told him nothing.
He actually got furious and grabbed it from me. He marched over to the condiment station and began putting mustard on my hot dog, telling me to grow up and stop being picky.
I just walked out and sat in the car. I didn’t even want the damn hot dog anymore. My appetite was gone.
He came back and began screaming at me for embarrassing him even further. The word divorce was said for the first time ever. I secretly recorded his screaming because I was genuinely afraid I would die. He was driving erratically, swerving and speeding.
I’m in a hotel tonight. He ignored me all day at work and then the calls started around when he realized I wasn’t coming home. Nonstop voicemails and texts. He sent me a screenshot of a Google search for local divorce lawyers. I haven’t eaten all day and I’ve been sobbing in this damn hotel room. I don’t want to get divorced and I wish I had just ate the fucking mustard.
Someone, anyone, please give me an explanation. Am I in danger? Why would he react this way to a preference of mine? I’m completely broken right now.
**xxxx**
[**Update #1: I can’t respond since my post got deleted sorry**](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwrapickyeater/comments/yk8rx6/i_cant_respond_since_my_post_got_deleted_sorry/) submitted on 02 Nov 2022 by u/throwrapickyeater
Some answers I guess to questions I saw:
Regarding when I said no to sex. He respected if I said no to having sex but he would ask for blowjobs over and over. I used to give in at first until I started dreading doing it. He tried buying all this stuff to make me like it, to make it easier or whatever. I used to like blowjobs. I don’t like giving them to him. But he’ll still ask over and over. I started responding with, “I said no. Are you going to force me to do it?” And he’d get squeamish and offended that I’d implied he would rape or assault me.
If I have a support system: no. I’ve always been a very small circle kind of person and I lost touch with casual college friends. My friends are his. It makes me feel like a loser but I don’t really have friends of my own. My parents are dead; my dad died when I was a teen and my mom passed recently of heart failure. I have no siblings.
I’m financially capable of living on my own and I could pay for a divorce. I just… really didn’t want things to be this way. The mustard thing was always just an annoyance to me. I didn’t consider it a deal-breaker, but obviously it is for him.
We have no kids and no equity. Our finances are separate save for one joint account we equally contribute to for bills. We were looking at buying a house.
I’m safe. I’m at work and I’m staying in the hotel until further notice. He has continued to text. One message said that he loves me and doesn’t want to lose me, but I’ve forced his hand by refusing to communicate or come home. I haven’t answered. I don’t know what to say. I forced myself to eat my favorite takeout late last night but it tasted like cardboard. I stayed up late compiling a list of every time he has shown worrying behavior. I guess the mustard is the tip of the iceberg.
**xxxx**
[**Update #2: Thank you all for being so kind… a quick ramble before bed.**](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwrapickyeater/comments/ykkkta/thank_you_all_for_being_so_kind_a_quick_ramble/) submitted on 02 Nov 2022 by u/throwrapickyeater
Sincerely, thank you all for your kind words as well as sending me links to resources. He has reverted back and has told me that he never wants to see me again, so I suppose that gives me time to read that book that someone on RA suggested to me (I forget the name).
I will admit while I was at work and thinking of the lonely room waiting me after five, I considered just going home. But I knew what awaited me. I’m too drained to muster up the kind of apology he would be expecting in order for things to go back to normal. I honestly fear that our “normal” is detrimental to me. I also don’t want to apologize. I don’t think I did anything wrong, and you all helped validate that.
I always felt like I was the one disturbing the peace. He’d get so upset over things that were little to no effort for me to just do or go along with because I loved him. And somewhere along the way I think I lost myself. I never liked mustard. I never liked golf, or camping, or red wine. But he loves all of these and wanted me to love them too. He said he was introducing me to his hobbies so we would have shared interests as a couple. But I have realized that out of all the things I used to like, he has either refused to try or ignored my interest. Our shared interests are just his.
God, how do I feel like my own person again? My world broke not two days ago and now I’m drunk at a hotel bar switching between Reddit and researching divorce lawyers.
I still don’t want to divorce. It’s so permanent. I never pictured myself a divorcée. I used to think that every choice I made, I made deliberately. It used to be a point of pride for me. But he’s making this choice for me. And it hurts.
**xxxx**
[**Final Update: I’m leaving him.**](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwrapickyeater/comments/yospyh/im_leaving_him/) submitted on 07 Nov 2022 by u/throwrapickyeater
First of all: I took this week off at the encouragement of my employer. I plan to spend it finding a therapist that specializes in domestic abuse and sexual assault, which I’ve come to realize I am a victim of. I feel completely numb. I’m also looking into a divorce lawyer.
Secondly: he found the hotel where I was staying. I guess he followed me from work. He was waiting in the lobby. God, my heart skipped a beat and I realized that I did NOT miss him at all. I was afraid of making a scene (I need to unlearn that), so I sat with him in the lounge area and talked.
I’ll summarize it.
I pointed out the security camera and said if he tried to hurt me, there’d be footage and I would press charges without a second thought. He was completely shocked and said he’d never hurt me. I reminded him how I feared for my life in the car. He ignored me.
He asked why I wasn’t coming home. I was completely blank faced when I told him, “Because you’re divorcing me.” He said he didn’t mean it and was just upset. I said, “when normal people are upset, they express it in a healthy way. You threatened the end of our marriage. I’m taking you seriously.”
He got pissed and asked if I was saying he wasn’t normal.
Honestly, I just wanted the conversation to be done, so I told him if that’s really all he heard then there was no point in talking anymore. I told him I was looking for a lawyer and he should probably do the same if he hasn’t found one. He lashed out and said, “All this over one mistake?”
And I just stared at him. As I made to stand up, he grabbed my wrist hard and I pointed at the camera again. This just made him angrier. He never could handle slights to his ego.
One mistake. It wasn’t one mistake. It was a pattern of abuse over years. It was threatening me, intimidating me.
I told him if he tried to contact me again beyond sending me his lawyer’s details I’d be calling the police. He let me go.
I want to say I was badass and celebrated in my room. I collapsed onto my bed and began sobbing. I was just so sick and angry and sad. He truly doesn’t care about me. I’ve been crying on and off while calling local therapists. God, why is it so hard to find one? The amount of therapists that advertise but turn out to not be accepting new patients is unacceptable. I’ve looked into victims of DV/DA support groups as well.
In the span of less than a month my life is completely changed. And he isn’t remorseful at all. He just thinks it’s all my fault.
>**OP's last comment**: I will probably move. I saw my RA post get reposted on Twitter. I’m terrified he’ll see it and come for me. A lot of people commenting on it were saying he would try to kill me and I believe them.
**Reminder: I am not the original poster.** | maedocc | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yxms57/my_husband_cannot_accept_i_dont_like_mustard/ | yxms57 | 9,627 | 4,981 | [
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"2022-11-17T10:32:04" | OOP finds out that his stepmom was dad's AP and her daughters are his half-siblings. | ONGOING | #AP - Affair Partner
I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/stepmomanddad in r/trueoffmychest.
[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/yl999w/my_stepmom_was_my_dads_ap/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (3 Nov 22)
**My stepmom was my dad's AP**
My stepmom was my Dad´s AP
This is my first time using reddit and english is not my first language
When i (22M) was 4 my Dad(42M) divorced my mom. About a year later he introduced me to my stepmom (42F). She had two twin girls( N and D 22F). They married only a few months and went on to have three more kids, G( 16M) L(10M) and S(4F).
My father adopted N and D because their bio father was not involved. I´ve always considered all 5 of them ( N,D,G,L and S) my siblings and we´ve never used step or half to refer to eachother.
When i was 6, shortly after G´s birth, my mom passed away in a car accident and because of it i started to live with my dad full time.
My relationship with my stepmom improved from there. She never adopted me however she, along with my dad, keept my mom´s memory alive by keeping in touch with my maternal grandparents and other relatives and visiting her grave with me on special days. I started calling her mom when i was around 7 or 8 and she refers to me as her eldest child ( me and the twins are the same age but i was born first)
After i turned 18 i started to work but i continued to live with my parents.
Last week i was in the attic when i found a photo album that i have never seen before. I opened it and i saw several pictures of my dad, my stepmom and the twins when they were babies, which made no sense to me because, like i said we were todlers when our parents met.
I decided to confront my parents about it. They were sit alone in the kitchen and asked them how they met, they told the same story, that soon after my dad´s divorce he met my stepmom though a mutual friend. when they were done i place one of the pictures on the table and told them that i wanted the truth.
I could tell by my dad´s face he understood what i meant. My dad told me that his marriage with my mom was going though a hard time because of my mom´s infertility issues, one day he met my stepmom and things escalated quickly and when he was ready to leave my mom she founded out that she was pregant but so did my stepmom at the same time, he lied to my mom several times so that he could spend time with my stepmom and the twins, one day he admited to my mom that he was having an affair and they got divorced.
I looked at my stepmom and she was in tears, they both tried to say sorry but i just couldn´t stay in that house any longer. i´m currently staying at my gf´s parents house. I have talked to G, L and S, it pained me alot and G has said that S has cried for me and that just breaks my heart.
I have refused to talk with my parents or to N and D. The three of them lied to me.
I feel like my life was built on lies and i am lost, i do not know what to do, i still love my sisters and my parents but they, especialy my parents, have hurted me. so much.
Edit:fixed typos
Edit: fixed typos
Edit:
I wanna thank everyone for their input on my situation.
I have come to the conclusion that i should talk with N and D, i will send them a message so that we can meet in person and talk about it.
I will also try to meet my younger siblings because i have not seen them since last week, just talked to them over the phone, and i missed them.
About my parents i do not know what i will do, i need to talk to them so that i can get atleast some cloesure but i don't know if i will be able to do it.
Thank you everyone!
[Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/ymuofi/my_sisters_knew_about_our_fathers_affair_with/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (5 Nov 22)
**My sisters knew about our father's affair with their mother**
Read my last post so you can understand.
Before anything i would like to thank everyone who commented on my last post.
I have seen common questions being asked i i'll reply to them:
-"Did your mom really had fertility issues?"-Yes, her family has told me many times she got really afected by it and that my birth was a got her over the moon.
-"Did the twins knew?"-i did not knew if they knew thats i talked to them.
Now onto the update;
After i made my post i made a group chat with the twins and texted them and we decided to met
My GF wanted to come with me but i told her i would rather go alone. When i arrived they were already there, they asked started to try to make small talk i just asked them if they knew, they started to tear up and told me that they always knew my dad but only knew that they were his daughters when they were 16 because our parents told them, they initially wanted to tell me but my dad and stepmom pressed them not to saying that if they told me it would destroy our family. I asked how were things at home, they told me that G and L started to be rude to them and to our parents while S was asking about me.
They asked me if i could forgive them, i told them that i still love them but i just need time they told me they understood. I said i was sorry and that i shouldn't blame them for our dad's mistakes, they told me they should have told me earlier, we hugged and cried together. We said our goodbyes and then i went home, my gf asked me how i was and i just broke down, she held me tight and told me to not hold on and that she was there for me, words cannot discrive how much i love this woman she has been my rock though out all of this.
I talked with my younger siblings this morning and we met at park. I hugged them really tight especialy S, i'm super atached to her and i am really protective of her i tried to explain to her, in a todler friendly way, that i was mad at our parets because they did a "bad thing" and not at her, she asked if i was ever going back home, i told her i didn't knew but i still loved her. I talked to my brothers to see how they were holding on,G and L told me they had been having a hard time because they never tough our parents could do something so horrible, they told me they missed me but understood why i had to leave.
We spent the morning together and after luch they went back home.
I haven't talk to my parents yet and i plan to call my maternal grandparents tonight to see if they knew or not.
Thank everyone for their support you guys have helped me a lot
[Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/ynr78f/i_talked_with_my_grandparents_about_my_fathers/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (6 Nov 22)
**I talked with my grandparents about my father's affair.**
TLDR about my last two posts: My dad cheated on my mom with my stepmom, my twin stepsisters whom my father adopted are actually his bio daughters.
Yesterday i went to visit my maternal grandparents, first we mad the usual small talk and then i told them i needed to tell them something serious.
I layed it all out, the affair, the twins faternity everything . To say my grandparents were shocked would be an understatement. My grandma started to cry her heart out asking herself how could my dad "hurt my baby girl like that" my granddad was more angry he called my dad and stepmom everything he could think of. My grandparents always tough that my parents had divorced because they didn't just worked out and because they were young and despite not being their son-in-law anymore they mainted a great relationship with my dad.
After my grandma calmed down she asked me how i was doing, i told her that its been hard but i am doing better now she said she still couldn't believe my dad would do something so horrible to my mom, my grandpa said if my dad is lucky they would never laid eyes on eachother because my grandpa would do something that would put him in jail, if you understand me.
We spent the rest of the day catching up and talking about my mom, overall it was very intense but opening up to people who loved my mother like i did helped me a bit.
Thanks for reading.
**Reminder - I'm not the OOP** | prettiergenghis | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yxmuyq/oop_finds_out_that_his_stepmom_was_dads_ap_and/ | yxmuyq | 8,281 | 6,324 | [
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"2022-11-17T12:17:28" | A Squirrelly Situation | CONCLUDED | [removed] | Optimal-Patience-Cat | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yxos2t/a_squirrelly_situation/ | yxos2t | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-17T14:01:14" | UPDATE from a fellow reddit user that I read.. Why do people like to knock you or try and take advantage of you when your clearly down at your lowest? | ONGOING | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yxr44p/update_from_a_fellow_reddit_user_that_i_read_why/ | yxr44p | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-17T14:19:28" | OOP's daughter breaks her heart | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yxrjei/oops_daughter_breaks_her_heart/ | yxrjei | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-17T15:02:32" | AITA for leaving my baby shower early and "causing a scene"? | ONGOING | [removed] | KimchiAndMayo | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yxsj4z/aita_for_leaving_my_baby_shower_early_and_causing/ | yxsj4z | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-17T15:29:24" | Wreck It Ralph Fan-Fiction | NEW UPDATE | ACERVIDAE | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yxt62o/wreck_it_ralph_fanfiction/ | yxt62o | 0 | 1 | [
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|
"2022-11-17T15:42:50" | I will never speak to my mom or sister again once I turn 18. | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yxthfd/i_will_never_speak_to_my_mom_or_sister_again_once/ | yxthfd | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-17T15:44:51" | OOP gets a squirrel desperately stuck in their ceiling (and wall) | CONCLUDED | [removed] | davidrcollins | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yxtj2x/oop_gets_a_squirrel_desperately_stuck_in_their/ | yxtj2x | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-17T16:22:11" | I will never speak to my mom or sister again once I turn 18. | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yxug8t/i_will_never_speak_to_my_mom_or_sister_again_once/ | yxug8t | 9 | 10,425 | [
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"2022-11-17T17:37:39" | AITA for not quitting my job over colleague's crush? | REPOST | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yxwbb4/aita_for_not_quitting_my_job_over_colleagues_crush/ | yxwbb4 | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-17T18:12:26" | OOP's mother tries to break up her marriage - things only escalate from there. | ONGOING | [removed] | HarpoNeu | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yxx6iu/oops_mother_tries_to_break_up_her_marriage_things/ | yxx6iu | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-17T18:24:10" | AITA for not quitting my job over colleague's crush? | REPOST | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/prudent_coat8988 in r/amitheasshole**
trigger warning: >!emotional abuse!<
---
&nbsp;
[**AITA for not quitting my job over colleague's crush?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p7g1f7/aita_for_not_quitting_my_job_over_colleagues_crush/) - 19 August 2021
I (32/f) live with my partner (44/m) and work in research. My primary colleague (30/m) and I have worked together for ~2 years on a major project involving significant intellectual and labor contributions from us both. The project is expected to span at least another ~2 years, and is vital to both of our careers.
Not long ago, my colleague confessed to me that he is, and has been, infatuated or in love with me for pretty much the duration. It took place via a long email that was written after an evening of drinking. This was totally unexpected - in retrospect there may have been some signs, but nothing that wouldn't just as easily be accounted for by a considerate personality.
Shortly after this confession, I came to my husband with the issue. I wanted to get his advice about the situation, and showed him the drafts which I'd composed to organize my thoughts on the matter - they stated unequivocally that I'm not interested in a romantic relationship, and hope these feelings won't complicate our work together.
I was again surprised at my husband's reaction - he seemed offended, to think I must have invited my colleague's affections, and that I should immediately quit my job. As in, put in notice tomorrow. I was so taken aback my immediate reaction was to laugh / snort at this suggestion, which was probably a mistake.
That would be utterly disastrous for my career, and isn't an option I'm willing to consider. I'd greatly prefer the entire scenario had never happened, as a difficult and lengthy project hangs in the balance, but I have no real concern at this point about my colleague forcing the issue or letting it compromise our work. It seemed like an intoxicated "getting my feelings off my chest". I'll need to put a lot of thought and caution into how I proceed with the work dynamic, but abandoning our project isn't even on the table.
About a week has passed. My husband has been alternating between irate and the silent treatment, and suggested several times that I should move out of the house to be with my new spouse. Today I swung by the house on my lunch break and found the locks changed and my luggage on the patio. I have been blocked on his work number and cell.
Obviously he cannot possibly intend for me to really move out, and is just pulling (what I absolutely believe to be an assholish) power sulk - but seeing how seriously he's taking this has my doubts up. Maybe I was ultimately too uncompromising when I refused to even entertain quitting my job for the sake of conversation and his feelings, and to shut the idea down so abruptly. AITA?
**UPDATE:**
Hubby called me. Long story short he's been extremely anxious each day when I leave for work, and buckled from that pressure today. I'm "welcome back" home once I've quit my job, which is obviously still unacceptable. I am considering taking a week of accrued paid leave, which will hopefully result in an adult conversation with husband (as well as coming to a decision about how to best handle colleague). That failing, I'm hearing the word "lawyer" loud and clear throughout these comments! I'm grateful for all of the support and perspective.
**UPDATE 2:**
I ended up calling my sister (38/f) - something I avoided initially because I didn't want to "stir the pot" by involving family members who are already disliked by husband. I'm currently with her and cousin (35/m), who are both supportive. Our plan is to call a locksmith tomorrow (to regain access to the property - husband can ruminate with friends or at a hotel for the present), for cousin to collect some important things of mine from the house, and for me to stay with my sister for a few days while I take a hard look at my situation and options.
I'm not set on divorce at this point, but I definitely need to re-assert some very basic boundaries before exploring further discussion with husband. Thank you, strangers on Reddit, for helping me emerge from the emotional haze with some clarity.
**UPDATE:**
Enormous thanks for all of the private messages after the comments were locked. I'm a little overwhelmed with life in general right now, so I haven't replied to everyone, but I wanted to update and let it be known that I'm safe and well. My husband tried to bar my cousin from entering the family home to retrieve my things, which escalated to a physical confrontation.
The police arrived and both husband and cousin were made to leave the premises. My sister and I changed the locks the next day to secure the house, and I'm staying with family for a little while while I plan my next move (which will in all likelihood be a divorce). Thanks again to all who've shared feedback and concern.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yxxgzl/aita_for_not_quitting_my_job_over_colleagues_crush/ | yxxgzl | 5,065 | 11,827 | [
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"2022-11-17T19:47:43" | OOP grateful to Dyson for their fan app revealing his wife's affair (part 1 of 2) | REPOST | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yxzlxp/oop_grateful_to_dyson_for_their_fan_app_revealing/ | yxzlxp | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-17T19:50:15" | OOP grateful to Dyson for their fan app revealing his wife's affair (Part 1 of 2) | REPOST | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yxzo94/oop_grateful_to_dyson_for_their_fan_app_revealing/ | yxzo94 | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-17T19:58:54" | OOP grateful to Dyson for their fan app revealing his wife's affair (Part 1 of 2) | REPOST | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yxzvyv/oop_grateful_to_dyson_for_their_fan_app_revealing/ | yxzvyv | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-17T20:08:45" | My daughter made me cry for the first time in my life. | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yy05im/my_daughter_made_me_cry_for_the_first_time_in_my/ | yy05im | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-17T20:16:27" | OOP finds out about his wife's infidelity after testing positive for an STD. | ONGOING | ***I am NOT OP, this is a repost!***
TW: >!Sexual assault by knowingly infecting someone with an STD, Infidelity!<
&#x200B;
[**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/wf2f1p/my_wife_gave_me_chlamydia/)**, on** r/TrueOffMyChest**, August 3rd 2022.**
**My wife gave me chlamydia**
I. Am. Livid.
The only person I have had sex with within the past 5 years has been my wife. I thought I had a bladder infection or UTI, and scoffed when my doctor thought it was chlamydia. Well, here we are. I got the test results yesterday and I have chlamydia.
Decided to start snooping and it didn't take long to find the text messages between her and her boy toy. My guess is she doesn't even know she had it as well. She thinks I stayed up all night working, but little does she know I've already emailed her little lover boy's wife all the text messages. I warned the lover boy's wife that he's been sleeping with an infected woman and to get herself tested. I'm still deciding how to process this all but wifey's going to wake up to my positive test results and the messages of her infidelity.
The sun should be coming up in the next hour or two, and probably will be the end of this marriage.
Update:
I'll make a longer update eventually. I didn't confront her that morning. Boy toy's wife ended up responding to me and she has not confronted her husband yet either. I'm getting my legal bases covered first.
&#x200B;
**Some comments:**
>*You should just casually drop his name over coffee. “So, I was thinking you should probably tell John he has chlamydia”* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/wf2f1p/comment/iirpwq9/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
&#x200B;
>*I'm not sure about your wife's personality, but I would record what happens and also try to get any cash assets (she may have access to) out of the bank.*
>
>*I had something similar to this happen (2 years ago) and when I went to confront her about it, she tried to flip the script and play victim. In my case, she even went as far as to claim I was being "physically aggressive" and called the police. Luckily, the police had my cousin's first hand account of what really happened and the video of me confronting her with no physical aggression. Eventually, I had her removed from my home and never lost a penny.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/wf2f1p/comment/iirhnst/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
>
>>**OOP:**
>>
>>*Yeah going to record everything. We have a separate account so my money is safe. The house is my parent's so I'm not worried about and property because we don't own any together.*
&#x200B;
>*My two cents. Breathe, eat something, remain calm, don't let the situation become violent, remain rationale as possible, record if legal, create space between you both (physically, as in don't live together ASAP) document everything. Careful who you tell as people love gossip and don't really care about your situation. You won't get a answer that will satisfy your need for a reason. Sorry OP you've got a shitty few months in front of you. Ex did something very similiar 3.5yrs ago after 10yrs marriage. Gets better. Call a friend and rant, talk, get therapy if you feel it helpful.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/wf2f1p/comment/iirmutn/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
&#x200B;
[**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yrqdth/update_my_wife_gave_me_chlamydia_so_i_gave_her/)**, on** r/TrueOffMyChest**, November 10th 2022.**
**Update: My wife gave me chlamydia. So I gave her divorce papers.**
My last post got, an unexpected amount of attention. I guess you guys do deserve an update.
The short of what happened was, my wife gave me chlamydia. I found out she was sleeping with a co-worker and planned to blow our marriage up that night. Thankfully, my drunken mind decided to wait.
I had gotten into contact with the co-worker's wife, giving her evidence of what was going on and informing her that the two cheaters probably both had chlamydia. I did this because I suspected my wife was cheating with more than one person. In her texts, her lover boy had asked her if he was the only one she was screwing at the time, and she gave a non-answer. I know this dumb broad well enough that I knew she was screwing someone else as well. Luckily, the Co-workers wife got back to me first thing in the morning to explain that she figured he was seeing someone else. The two of them were privately separated at the time, and their separation agreement stated they were not to see anyone else at the time. She had her own suspicions and thanked me for reaching out. We agreed that she would not confront her husband until I could cover my own ass legally in exchange for the evidence I had of their affair together. She also confirmed to me that her husband didn't have chlamydia, at least when they were still together.
I decided to not confront my wife that morning. I pretended everything was fine and dandy while I looked for lawyers and dug deeper to figure out the mystery of the chlamydia caper. I installed a keylogger on my wife's personal PC and quickly got access to a secret email. Where guess what, my wife was talking with someone on a hookup website. The best part was that it solved the mystery, as the man informed her he tested positive for chlamydia and that she probably had it. Even better, these emails were from months before I was infected myself, meaning she knowingly infected me with chlamydia.
Disappointed that it was not in fact the chlamydia fairy that caused all this, I have a lawyer. It's not looking well for my soon-to-be ex. The fact she knowingly infected me made my lawyer salivate, along with the mountain of proof of her infidelity. The house we live in is my parents, and we've kept our finances separate since the beginning. Her chances of getting much, if anything out of me is pretty slim.
I served her the divorce papers last month. I bought a security camera on amazon when this all started saying I was going to put it over our front door. I hid it in the living room the morning I decided to confront her. I decided to take one of the top comments from my first post on how to drop this on her. We were sitting and having breakfast when I said "So, I'm curious, does \[Co-worker\] know you infected him with chlamydia as well?"
The short of it was she cried, apologized, tried to claim it was a one-time thing (I brought up that this was her second affair,) tried to claim she loved me, tried to blame me, screamed at me that I don't make her feel loved, yada yada you get it. I served her the divorce papers and her eviction notice right after. I'm staying with my parents until she's out of the house in a few weeks just to be safe. I'm juggling if I want to try and press assault charges against her for knowingly infecting me with chlamydia, as my lawyer said it should be pretty easy to prove with the emails we have. Overall though, I just want her out of my life like the STD she is.
&#x200B;
**Some comments on the update:**
> *Not feeling loved. The title of every cheater’s journal* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yrqdth/comment/ivv2sti/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
&#x200B;
>*Press charges. That's some insidious shit she pulled. What if it was a more severe STD?* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yrqdth/comment/ivuz9yz/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
&#x200B;
>*Press charges. It could have been the drug resistant strain of gonorrhea or hepatitis.*
>
>*You’re not her only victim. She’s going to keep doing this to other people. All you will be doing is creating a record of how many people she knowingly infects.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yrqdth/comment/ivv88b0/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
# Friendly reminder, I am NOT the OP. This is a repost! | swankycelery | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yy0cxc/oop_finds_out_about_his_wifes_infidelity_after/ | yy0cxc | 8,191 | 6,156 | [
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"2022-11-17T20:23:36" | OOP grateful to Dyson for their fan app revealing his wife's cheating (Part 1 of 2) | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yy0jaw/oop_grateful_to_dyson_for_their_fan_app_revealing/ | yy0jaw | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-17T20:43:18" | Woman's Husband Keeps Reading Her Diary (AITA Nov 5, '22) | ONGOING | Originally posted by u/HelpMeRecalibrate in r/AmItheAsshole on Nov 5, '22, updated a day or two later as an edit. ETA: OOP posted a new update right after I shared to BoRU. New update added to the bottom.
Trigger Warning: >!domestic abuse!<
[Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ymrt2u/aita_for_insisting_that_i_have_nothing_to/)
AITA for insisting that I have nothing to apologize for after my husband read my diary?
I'm trying to stay focused here, but my edibles have kicked in, and I need advice.
I have kept a diary since I was 10. It is my form of therapy, & I do not police my thoughts. I have never let anyone read my diary.
My husband & I started dating over a decade ago. One day, a couple of months in, he was over at my apartment, & I had hopped in the shower. When I came out, he was sitting on the bed shell-shocked. He said he read my journal, which was mostly about my life as a newly single woman. He told me it really stung to read all that.
*"But wait. Hold on. How'd you find it?"*
He said he was looking for matches. He couldn't tell me why he kept reading even after he knew what it was, but his apology was sincere & I forgave him. Not too long after that, things got messy. He started getting either very sad or very angry while referring to things he read. His feelings were so intense that I STARTED APOLOGIZING FOR MY THOUGHTS.
Anyway, we got married.
A decade later, I was thinking of a divorce & wrote a ton to process my thoughts about some sensitive topics. Again, he "stumbled" upon my journal & read it all. I was pissed, but he convinced me that he would never do it again. Besides, he was really hurt by the things I wrote, and I felt bad. I let it go, but he started getting sad or angry again, thinking about what he had read. Once more, the intensity of his feelings led me to apologize for my thoughts.
Now, here we are, married with kids, setting up Scrabble on a Friday night. He went to find a piece of paper & came back quiet & distracted. I asked if everything was okay. He looked at me sharply & told me that he had just read my journal. I tensed, thinking of how I recently tackled some tough feelings related to our different ethnic & religious backgrounds. I wrote things that would have been hurtful to read, & I was mortified knowing that he did read them, but I was also annoyed.
*"Wait. You read my journal again?"*
He blamed me for leaving it out & accused me of being a bad person for what I wrote, but honestly, I wasn't listening to him anymore. I just wanted to know why we were dealing with this again. It's pretty fucking basic knowledge that one shouldn't read other people's diaries, right? But look at him, forcing his way into my brain & shaming me for what he saw. I surprised myself by slamming my hand on the table.
*"A THIRD TIME??"*
We were both hurt, but he was accusing me of overreacting while minimizing and deflecting from his behavior. He called me "overly emotional" when I cried over how violated I felt. This feels so wrong, like I committed a thoughtcrime.
So, is AITA for insisting he's 100% wrong? I'm so mad, but I am doubting whether my reaction was proportional to what he did. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being terrible), what would you rate someone reading your journal? & would you apologize for the things you wrote?
EDIT: Thank you all for your comments. I am overwhelmed. For those suggesting therapy, I have been in it for a long time, and I credit it for listening to the little voice in my head instead of ignoring it. Therapy gave me the insight to see what he was doing in real time.
But to those saying YTA and ESH, all I can say is that this type of behavior has been normalized so much for me, and I have been gaslit for so long, that I automatically convinced myself it wasn't *that bad*. I feel like I'm emerging from the upside-down, and I have to relearn basic social norms. You have no idea how sad all of this makes me.
*Update added as an edit*
UPDATE: We talked today, and he continued to minimize what he did and kept steering the conversation to how hurt he was reading what I wrote. I kept asking him if I shared those things willingly with him. When he said no, I told him that he can then deal with the consequences of his own actions by himself. I kept stressing to him what a big violation it was and that I needed space to think.
I guess he's been stewing about it for the last few hours because tonight, he started to yell at me in front of our kids and angrily tell them about what I wrote. He literally told them that I don't like that they are from his culture. Fuck man, why are you hurting them?? To hurt me?! I was pleading with him to stop and trying to cover his mouth, the kids were shrieking and sobbing, and he was yelling and wild-eyed.
The chaos of tonight just broke me. I had flashbacks of my childhood, screaming and crying on a stairwell watching my dad go after my mom. Long ago, I had promised that I would never put my kids through something like that. I tried to get them out of the house since he wasn't stopping, but we only got as far as my car where the 3 of us sat crying while I kept apologizing to them and trying to reassure them. God, how did I get to this point?
**NEW UPDATE JUST ADDED TODAY [Nov 17, '22](https://www.reddit.com/user/HelpMeRecalibrate/comments/yy5e83/update_to_husband_reading_my_journal/)**
Hey, Reddit. Here's an update to my post from a couple of weeks ago.
I will keep the update itself brief: The kids and I are safe, and I am divorcing my husband. The incident that I posted about was so jarring that I could no longer downplay the abuse. I understood then that it would be so much worse for my kids to grow up in a household like that than to grow up with divorced parents.
I did want to take this opportunity to talk to the people who seemed flabbergasted that I had not left him earlier. I know Reddit can be cruel sometimes, but to shame someone for staying in an abusive relationship is just so ignorant. A person stays with an abuser for a myriad of reasons: fear, shame, mental health issues, lack of resources, lack of support, lack of money, the partner's coercive control, etc. Please educate yourself on abusive relationships before writing judgmental comments.
In my case, I stayed because he was so good at manipulating and gaslighting, at sowing doubt and confusion, that I started taking notes during arguments because I felt like I was going crazy. He would say things and then deny up-and-down that he said them. He would tell me that I "misinterpreted" his words or that I had a bad memory or that I had anger issues. Meanwhile, he was the one punching at walls, breaking things, lying, and following me from room to room as I was trying to get away from him. After years and years of this, I left only when I saw how much staying would hurt my kids.
To those in emotionally abusive relationships like mine, I want you to know that I see you. This is real abuse, even if it doesn't leave physical scars. <3
*From your reposter:*
*ETA, I feel like this is much more concluded now so I may change the flair. So thankful our OOP is strong!*
This is a short, inconclusive update, but I wanted to share it anyway because I think it's an important lesson in paying attention to red flags. I think a lot of people ignore these red flags in a relationship because, *love*. Unfortunately, sometimes those little red flags develop into very scary behavior like this. So please, if you're in a relationship where *little* things like this keep happening, keep your eyes wide open and be careful. Sometimes love is not enough to save you from a monster.
**Remember, I'm not the OP, I'm safe, no need to send me Reddit Cares, and please do not go comment on the original post as it's against BoRU rules.** | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yy118d/womans_husband_keeps_reading_her_diary_aita_nov_5/ | yy118d | 7,953 | 4,711 | [
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"2022-11-17T21:45:45" | My daughter made me cry for the first time in my life. | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/working-cherry562 in r/trueoffmychest**
trigger warnings: >!rape, slut shaming!<
---
&nbsp;
[**My daughter made me cry for the first time in my life.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ymt53i/my_daughter_made_me_cry_for_the_first_time_in_my/) - 5 November 2022
(This all happened yesterday)
I (28f) have a 13 year old daughter, I had her when I was 15 after I was raped by someone who I thought was my friend (daughter doesn’t know this I decided not to tell her. Keep it in mind). Well I also have a sister (35f) She’s honestly the best sister I could ever ask for.
Now for explanation. I was picking my daughter up from school and she seemed like she was in a bad mood so I wanted to do something that would cheer her up. I asked her if she wanted to go to the mall or go out to the Chinese restaurant she loves; She told me no because my sister had promised to take her to the movies so I told her i’d drive her to the movies she then told me no again and to drop her off at my sisters house so I agreed.
3 hours later she came home she was happier now, I asked if the movies were fun but she just ignored me and went to her room instead. I thought this was weird because she normally always tells me how fun the movies are or whenever she goes somewhere with my sister. So I called her down for dinner she came down and walked right past me to grab her jacket and shoes, Obviously confused I asked her where she was going. She said she was going to get Mexican food with my sister (we’re hispanic and I had already prepared some pastelitos salvadoreños).
I told her I had already made dinner and she got mad and told me to leave her alone because she didn’t want to eat something a dirty slut made, I asked her what she meant by that and she said I was gross for losing my virginity at such a young age and that she was grossed out even looking at me she called me a disgusting whore and slammed the door and left.
This honestly broke my heart since I had gone to therapy for so long to try and cope with what happened, But as a result my own daughter basically slut shamed me for having my innocence taken away.
I honestly just lost my appetite and just went to my room, I have been crying ever since my heart honestly just completely feels sad. I think my sister told her because I planned on telling her until she was older. I feel betrayed and hurt and don’t know what to do. She knocked on my room door but I didn’t open it. I mean how do I even approach this? Also thank you for reading this I needed to vent. ❤️
**Little Update:**
I told my daughter we needed to talk with a note and she agreed. So once she comes out of her room I will explain to her the whole situation.
&nbsp;
[**My daughter made me cry for the first time in my life. (UPDATE)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yqqjn2/my_daughter_made_me_cry_for_the_first_time_in_my/) - 9 November 2022
Thank you to everyone for all the kind comments and dms it really meant a lot ❤️. I talked to my daughter yesterday, I told her the entire story of what happened and how hurt I felt that she slut-shamed me for something I didn’t even want. She started to cry and asking me to forgive her because my sister had told her a whole different story.
She told me that her friends were talking about their parents and she said something about me being 28 and her friends asked her how my mom let me have a kid at 15 and so she called my sister during lunch about the whole situation so my sister told her that I slept around during sophomore year and went to parties a lot and that’s how I got pregnant and she said she was shocked and was grossed out with the fact that my mom even allowed that.
This honestly hurt even more knowing my own sister who I adored said this. I still felt hurt because of the names she called me which honestly have just been burnt into my head. So she’s grounded until her school year ends which is honestly the first time i’ve ever given her a long punishment.
Now for my sister, I cut contact with her. I told her to stay out of my life and never to contact me again. I told my family and to say my dad was mad is an understatement. He got mad and called her immediately to yell at her after I told him and my mom. He cut her off financially and took down anything that involved her. My mom felt bad for what happened and comforted me. My brothers called her disgusting for trying to lie to my daughter. And again I want to thank everyone for caring and helping me out with this situation. 💕
**Edit:**
To everyone saying I’m being harsh for punishing her for my sister lying to her, It’s not that. It’s the way she spoke to me and the way she probably thought it was okay to say that but Idk. Also the end of the school year is the 2nd week of May but I may also take away from her punishment probably like 4 months.
**Edit #2:**
To clear this up about me grounding my daughter. She gets ungrounded January 1st or December. She gets her phone on week days just not weekends, She gets to watch TV, she gets to use her computer still, She still gets to go out with her friends. What else would I change?
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yy2ko0/my_daughter_made_me_cry_for_the_first_time_in_my/ | yy2ko0 | 5,269 | 6,818 | [
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"2022-11-17T22:58:32" | AITA for leaving my baby shower early and "causing a scene"? | ONGOING | [removed] | Corfiz74 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yy4azr/aita_for_leaving_my_baby_shower_early_and_causing/ | yy4azr | 9 | 2 | [
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"2022-11-17T23:03:56" | AITA for leaving my baby shower early and “causing a scene?” | ONGOING | Trigger Warning: >!abelism, abuse!<
**Note - I am not OOP. Originally posted Nov 7 2022**
AITA for leaving my baby shower early and "causing a scene"? [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yp90ij/aita_for_leaving_my_baby_shower_early_and_causing/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) TA account
My (32F) husband of 7 years (32M) and I are pregnant. We have one previous child, Anne (6F, fake name) who has epilepsy. She has had 1 seizure before (relevant later in the story).
To be honest, my MIL is horrible. She gives backhanded compliments, insults me and my looks and always tries to set my husband up with other people. The last time we went to her place she said she could make my husband a tinder account, or set him up with some girl who is the daughter of MILs best friend. My husband has told her to stop, but doesn't do anything else. News flash, she doesn't stop.
When sending invites to my baby shower, I told my husband I didn't want my MIL there. He told me, "since you're not letting my own mother be in the room with you when you're giving birth, you have to invite her to this. You should be grateful that you get a baby shower at all". Also, he wouldn't even be at the baby shower, as he has something at work.
At the baby shower, I was telling everyone how our baby was once again a girl. My MIL then decided to say, "Wow another girl! Let's hope she's not like her sister". I asked what she meant by that and she said, "we don't need any other diseases in the family. Imagine seeing a new-born baby drop to the floor and shake everywhere. It's embarrassing". At first I was honestly confused as she clearly had 0 idea what she was talking about. But then the pregnancy hormones really kicked in and I started crying hysterically. I left my friends house and my mother drove me home.
Once I got home I saw my husband there. I didn't know why he was home and not at work but I just didn't stop crying. He said, "where are all the gifts? You do realise how expensive some baby things can be". I honestly couldn't believe he said that of all things so I decided to lock myself in our bedroom.
About 10 mins later he tells me he got a text from his mother explaining what happened. He told me that I "caused a scene" and "should be happy I got to meet up with some friends today". I tried explaining how wrong what she said was and how she insulted our daughter and UNBORN baby. He said "well Anne's epilepsy medication isn't cheap so I see why she said what she said. You just interpreted it wrong. Apologise to my mother." I packed a bag and called my mother to pick me up. I'm currently at her place and she's picking Anne up from school.
My husband and his family keep blowing up my phone and calling me a "drama queen" along with other hateful names so I need to ask, AITA?
Edit: WOW this blew up. I woke up to 700 new notifications so thank you all for your feedback. Just wanted to let y’all know that I am meeting up with my husband later today and we will discuss things. I *will* be showing him this posts and your comments. Also, thank you all for the kind messages and the awards too! However I don’t know what they do lol. Can someone please explain them to me? Thanks. See you soon.
**Note - First update added to original AITA post**
UPDATE: ok so I’d like to start by explaining my username. My friend (who hosted the baby shower) suggested the name as a joke. When I showed her the kind things y’all said I also asked, “why do people think I’m suicidal?”. So I’d just like to say I’m not and my friend apologised if we worried any of y’all. Ok now to what happened
All of you were talking about how abusive my husband is. I guess I never realised it was abuse just because it wasn’t physical. I don’t know why I had that mindset, but I did.
I sat him down and started reading. “You’re MIL is horrible” “Divorce this man” “Anne doesn’t deserve this” etc.
I explained to him that I wanted a divorce. We were in a public cafe so I knew there was no way he’d physically hurt me. This was how the conversation went after I said I wanted a divorce: Husband: “So just because a few strangers on the internet told you to do something, you’re going to do it?” Me: “it’s not ‘a few’, it’s thousands.” Husband: “It doesn’t matter who it is, you don’t even know them” Me: “Well you don’t know the chefs in restaurants yet you trust them to cook your food” Husband: “Shut the fuck up” Me: “it’s not my fault all you do is run to mommy and choose her over your daughter” Husband: “I don’t give a fuck about you or your opinion you fucking bitch” Me: “ha ok”
After that he stormed out of the cafe.
I think y’all would be glad to know that I emptied our joint bank accounts and took any valuables.
Y’all might think “oh that’s a happy ending to the story” but there’s way more.
So my FIL contacted me (which is weird we only talk at family gatherings and what not) and told me he apologises on behalf of his wife’s actions. He told me that she never liked me because I “stole him away” from someone called Melissa?Apparently my husband and her were together during college but she cheated on him. MIL however still loved her like a daughter. Turns out, all these years we’ve been together he’s been cheating on me with Melissa. MIL knew. FIL knew. Everyone knew. It explains a lot, like why he wasn’t at work that day. What actually happened was Melissa came over to our house and they had sex IN MY OWN BED. I was disgusted hearing it. I’m not sure how but she must’ve left before I came home. So basically Melissa told MIL and MIL told FIL. FIL said he regretted not telling me sooner and kept apologising over and over again. I was shocked and started crying. I thanked him for telling me and said I just needed some space.
However he also told me that MIL was telling a different story to what happened on that day (none of my soon to be ex husbands family was there so they didn’t know what happened) and that’s why everyone was telling ME to apologise to MIL. MIL told them that I started yelling at her for “wearing a better dress than me on my special day” and I “threw drinks and food on her”. (She made a mess of her dress previously so I’m guessing that’s what she used as ‘evidence’ lol). FIL said, “the woman really loves herself. In a couple of days I can guarantee you we’ll have *another* picture of herself hanging in our living room”. I laughed and said goodbye. I’ve also gotten a lawyer to sort out some divorce stuff.
I’ll give y’all another update soon. ❤️
**Update on OOP’s profile, posted Nov 10 2022** [Update Link](https://www.reddit.com/user/toaster_inthebathtub/comments/yrzwr3/update_aita_for_leaving_my_baby_shower_early_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
UPDATE - AITA for leaving my baby shower early and “causing a scene”?
So I already did one update and now I’m doing the second one here (which I think is what you’re supposed to do??)
So a lot has happened.
Apparently after my ex left the cafe he went to a bar and got really drunk. He ended up assaulting the bar tender and then resisting arrest and hitting an officer once the police came. So he had the audacity to try and get me to bail him out and I just laughed and hung up. So he obviously called mommy and she came to the rescue.
Hopefully I can use that against him because I will be fighting for full custody (my friend works in the legal sector so she’s helping me out with that and explaining it all to me)
Thank you once again to EVERYONE who interacted with my post whatsoever. Positive or negative feedback, I am grateful for it. I also got a lot of good advice.
Anne has been asking a lot of questions still so I’m going to be explaining everything to her tonight. She’s pretty mature for her age but I’m just worried that this might really affect her, especially since she’s so young. | KimchiAndMayo | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yy4fq3/aita_for_leaving_my_baby_shower_early_and_causing/ | yy4fq3 | 7,920 | 5,978 | [
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"2022-11-17T23:30:15" | AITA for evicting a tenant because they got pregnant? | REPOST | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/aita1231 in r/amitheasshole**
---
&nbsp;
[**AITA for evicting a tenant because they got pregnant?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ikg117/aita_for_evicting_a_tenant_because_they_got/) - 1 September 2020
Yes, I know the title sounds awful, but please do hear me out before making a judgement. I will accept whatever judgement I’m given.
I (30m) purchased a 3 bedroom condo in Toronto, Canada 5 years ago when I was in my second year of medical residency. Soon after the purchase, I rented one of the rooms to my roommate (f29) to offset the costs of the mortgage. I live in one room, she lives in the second, and the third is my study/office. She has been a great roommate from the beginning. We aren’t necessarily friends (as in we don’t do things together for fun), but we get along exceptionally well.
The entire roommate/tenant relationship has gone swimmingly up until recently. A couple of weeks ago, my roommate broke the news to me that she is pregnant. The father was a fling of hers, who does not want anything to do with the child. My roommate has decided she wants to keep the child anyways, and raise it on her own. To me that seems like a huge challenge, and I admire her for it.
The issue is, while I don’t necessarily dislike children, I have no desire to live with a baby. While the condo is a fair size, I will most definitely be woken up by the babies crying at night. My condo is also where I like to come home to and relax, like a haven after a long work day, and the idea of coming home to a baby honestly seems absolutely chaotic. Especially since this isn’t my own child (ie one that my girlfriend and I decided to have/was mentally prepared for).
As difficult as it was for me to do this, I told my her essentially what I’ve written here, and that it would be best if she finds somewhere else to live. I am not rushing her out or anything like that, I have given her 6 month’s notice, since any later than that will come too close to the birth. She was honestly quite taken aback by this, and thought that I was being cruel. Her primary concern is that rent has gone up substantially in this city since she signed on with me (I haven’t increased her rent since she moved in, so she’s essentially paying 2015 rent). She works as a waitress, and will likely need to find a lesser apartment to keep within the same budget. A couple of other considerations are that she was out of work while restaurants were closed, but I did waive her rent for that period. All of the furniture is also mine (aside from her bedroom), so she would need to figure something out on that front as well, aside from all of the child expenses. I understand her position, and I feel horrible about the situation, but I honestly can’t do it. AITA for this?
Verdict: NTA
**Edit:**
Thank you to everyone who has commented. There have been two great suggestions on how I can make this situation better, which I have taken to heart. I haven't been able to give life much thought lately, as work has been quite busy. Firstly, I have a friend in real estate, and I'm going to see if they can help her try to find some affordable listings. Secondly - as I don't plan to take on another tenant after her, and can afford to do this anyway - I have decided I'm going to waive her rent for the remainder of the tenancy. This will hopefully give her a bit of a boost to get on her feet.
**Edit 2:**
I'm just checking on this for the first time today. My god, I was not expecting anywhere near this many replies. Thank you to everyone who has commented. I am about to head into surgery, but I will do my best to get back to as many people as I can later today.
**Edit 3/update:**
I am honestly overwhelmed by the amount of attention this has gotten. Thank you everyone that commented, regardless of your opinion. I was planning to reply to as many posts as possible, but honestly seeing as there are over 2000 comments, I think I will have to just address some common questions here. I also have an update on the situation, and I wish everyone that's commented so far could receive notification to read it.
So firstly: To anyone asking about the legality of the matter, I consulted an attorney to be 1000% sure, and this is perfectly legal. Since I live in the unit, the eviction laws are much more lenient.
Secondly: To anyone that said I should allow her to live with me anyway, I challenge you to consider what the alternative would be. If this doesn't happen now, then when? Her baby will become a toddler, and a toddler eventually becomes a school age child. Will it really be any better to do this later on? Or do you suggest that I let her raise the child here until they are 18?
**Finally, the update:**
When I came home from work today, I told her that I wanted to discuss the overall situation. Before I even began, she actually apologized to me for how she spoke to me, and for expecting that I would be okay for her to raise her child here. I told her that her apology is totally unnecessary, as her reaction was completely understandable considering the uncertainty of her future. I then told her that what I told all of you; that I would waive her rent for the remainder of her stay to help her get on her feet. She pushed back on this at first, but after I urged her to think of her child, she graciously accepted. Aside from this, I also told her about my friend who could help her out with finding some affordable listings in the area. I thought I might be overstepping there, but she was actually extremely thankful and said she would take me up on there.
Finally, I want to thank u/tuttipeachyfrutti for probably the best piece of advice that I've read (I'm sure there are many more people that I should be thanking, but I honestly don't think I'll be able to read everything here). This was that I could help her obtain a more reliable work position at my hospital, nothing fancy as she doesn't have any schooling, but it will be much more secure than waitressing (and once you're in, there's always ways to work your way up). There would also be benefits/maternity leave that I don't think restaurants usually offer. This was probably my biggest risk of overstepping, but when I mentioned the idea to her she was actually over the moon (tears were shed...). I do agree that I acted in self interest here, so I think it's the least I can do to make sure this soon to be mother and her child have some sense of security in their lives. Thank you again to everyone.
**This isn't an edit, but more of a request. Does anyone here know if it's possible to change your title to include something like "updated". I really want everyone that commented to know that they all made a huge impact on a new mothers life. I can't thank you enough, very glad that I made this post.**
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yy51ia/aita_for_evicting_a_tenant_because_they_got/ | yy51ia | 6,909 | 13,475 | [
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"2022-11-17T23:36:03" | My friends mom pushed me into a table saw (Final Update) | CONCLUDED | **I am not the OOP. Original posts were made by** u/bghffu **in** r/entitledparents**. Any changes made by me are in \[brackets\] for context given from other comments.**
**Trigger Warning:** >!mentions of racism, assault, drunk driving, death!<
**Spoiler Warning:** >!Karma can be brutal!<
&#x200B;
[**My friends mom pushed me into a table saw**](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/x3pjvg/my_friends_mom_pushed_me_into_a_table_saw/) Sept 2, 2022 (77 days ago)
This happened eight months ago.
My friend, Kylan, and I work in a woodworking company. It’s a pretty great job for me, as I love hands-on activity and creating things. Kylan, however, has more of a difficult time with it all. Which is completely fine as I help him with it.
His mom and my mom aren’t necessarily close, but both support me and him in our work. We’re pretty young so it helps with reassurance. But a few days before this incident, I started to realize that Kylans mom never really acknowledged my work.
Now that’s not really a big deal to me as I don’t require praise but I do find it a bit weird as Ky’s mom has apparently had a few racial incidents at her own work and I’m African. I was just assuming it’s because she’s afraid (I’m a pretty built guy and 6’6).
Fast forward to Tuesday, and I’m working on a wooden chair that has taken me a few more attempts than wanted. The table saw I had been using to make clean cuts was pretty rusty from Ky using it constantly. I headed out to the department to get a replacement and was a bit annoyed with Ky not doing it himself.
I came back and said “Hey man, don’t be afraid to change your equipment.” And he rolled his eyes and just replied with a “kay”. Which just annoyed me even more. I just pushed passed it and continued. But minutes later, I heard Ky laughing and I looked up to find him laughing at my cutting. This made me extremely upset as I’ve been working almost day and night while he only works 7-9 hours. This along with his mom recently coming into shop and laughing along with him.
This got to me and I walked over to Ky and told him a few words that I shouldn’t have. He immediately got defensive and pushed me back and I was about to strike back when hi mom instantly joined in with him and intentionally pushed me to the left where the saw was. Stupidly, I left it on.
As soon as I was pushed back, the back of my hand was shoved right into the saw causing a drizzle of blood to just gush everywhere and for my palm to be basically split in half with a huge gap between my pinkie and ring finger.
The shock kicked in and I instantly grabbed my hand and shouted for my mom who was on the other side of the shop. She immediately got an ambulance and I was sent to the closest hospital.
Ky has been texting me almost everyday apologizing for his mother. The only text from her was her saying that “this was my fault and to not hurt her son”.
UPDATE: After scrolling through the comments, I think I need to clear some things up.
1. I am 17 years old. I’m allowed to work here because my brother in law (29) owns it along with his father. I’m trusted.
2. How did I manage to keep the saw on? Again, I’m not sure myself. Extremely critical mess up on my part
3. “Your hand would’ve been split in half!” Yes. It is basically split in half. It stopped at a gap in between and thankfully by a miracle wasn’t completely cut in half, but was itching off the edge from a clean cut down the middle.
\------ Minor update: I got in contact with EMs husband and told her about the full situation and that she was intentionally trying to harm me. Apparently EM had been telling her husband a completely different story. He seemed pissed and said he’d talk to EM. This was about 3 hours ago.
**Comments from OOP**
In the last few months ive tried so many times \[to call the cops and press charges\] but unfortunately goes nowhere because her husband is a cop
My mom’s in the workshop because she’s one of the managers. It’s not a huge place like everyone’s imagining
We actually have no clue \[why Kylan’s mother was hanging out at the work place\]. My mom and I have told her its a huge risk for her to be hanging around but she insists she’ll be as far away as possible from everything and “just wants to watch”. She’s what you’d call a helicopter parent, so we believed her
Half of my ring finger is gone along with all of my pinky. A lil of my middle was injured
The hands doing pretty good. Still a bit gory to look at after being stitched up and worked on, but still workin and getting the job done
&#x200B;
[**My friends mom pushed me into a tablesaw (UPDATE)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/xbsmaz/my_friends_mom_pushed_me_into_a_tablesaw_update/) Sept 12, 2022 (67 days ago)
So since my first post (thank you all for the kind words and advice) a lot has went down.
First, Kylan and I have made up. It wasn’t his fault for what his mom did and I get that. Secondly, after telling EMs husband about what actually has been going on and him getting pissed at EM, he’s taken me into the station to get things sorted out and asking how I want to move forward
I haven’t really decided what I’d like to do at the moment but I’m leaning towards just money for compensation or something.
EM two days ago has also showed up at my house demanding for me but I wasn’t there at the time. But when I did get back home, I saw EM standing there waiting for me (my mom said she stayed there the whole time waiting for me) and I went up to ask her what’s going on and why she’s here. Aaaand in response, I got a huge glob spat in my face and a whole bunch of yelling
Honestly, it took me a lot of restraint to not yell at her back, but I just calmly told her to get the fuck away from my mom and my house. Eventually she did
UPDATE (again)
Finally after tons of comments, I’m going to take this to court. EMs husband has given me a good injury attorney that I can talk to and my mom needs to help me fill the documents out once I get there. Idk when the court date is tho
**Comments from OOP**
Minutes after writing the post I again got a knock on my door and it was EM. She told me me telling her husband was unnecessary and now he wont talk to her. She slapped me and I instantly shoved her. I underestimated my strength though and she went a good few feet. I just shut the door and told my mom and i feel horrible about hitting a woman
My hand is stitched up. There were questions, but I didn’t include any other people I just told them about a saw. My mom couldn’t do much, she barely speaks english and my father is in prison. EM told her husband multiple different things ab the situation (me groping her, being disrespectful, etc)
Incident happened 2 months before I got her fired from her business and tried contacting police, a week after that she started telling her husband lies that caused him to not take any of my reports seriously
&#x200B;
[**Third update on table saw incident**](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/y03dxs/third_update_on_table_saw_incident/) Oct 10, 2022 (39 days ago)
Hi everyone. I’m sorry for all the updates but I want to update you and also clear things up.
1. I’m sorry for lying about my age. I’m 16 not 17. I was scared of everyone calling me a child and that I’m immature.
2. I know. I’m tall for a 16 year old.
As for updates? Well theres a few. The first update was me talking to police about her harassing me. I’m pretty sure something happened because ever since then she’s been quiet about the situation where before she used to call me and berate me for everything
Second update is my BIL is trying to go through the process of a restraining order and wants to help me during the court hearing. He also did install a saw stop. Reason we didn’t have one before is really unknown.
Third update is I actually injured my hand even more. Last weekend I sprained my wrist. So that’s why my friend Harley is doing it. Sorry for the slow update.
Fourth update is that Kylans mom kicked him out. Apparently he’s been in contact with the police as well because of how she’s been treating him recently. I guess she’s been hit pretty hard by this because she’s been drinking heavily and being mean to Ky. She found out about it and kicked Ky out to the curb. I’ve tried contacting him but I’ve gotten no answer since
Thank you for all your patience and prayers. I do appreciate it and soon I will be getting the justice I deserve
&#x200B;
[**Most likely the last update.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/ynalgt/most_likely_the_last_update/) Nov 6, 2022 (12 days ago)
Hi everyone.
The time has come to update you all on what will probably be the last of this situation (hopefully). Sorry if there’s any typing errors, my hand still feels funny from my wrist.
EM was supposed to be scheduled for court but it never came. Apparently some people have figured out who she was irl from word being spread and she’s lost a lot of friends from it (this is what her husband has disclosed at least). Not sure what led up to it but she was drinking and drove onto one of the highways and got into a massive crash. Everyone else involved got away with a few injuries but she was basically dead at the scene.
So yeah, I guess that’s really how it ends. Not the ending everyone was hoping for lol. Sometimes karma works in the worst ways possible.
Thank you to everyone who really supported me through everything I appreciate you all
**Comments from OOP**
Yes \[I have been checked for nerve damage\] and I do have severe damage. It takes me a while to type these posts lol
Yeah \[I’m still dealing with the pain\] It sucks ass. It burns and i can’t barely grip or pick up anything
**When asked about Ky**
\[He’s\] not great
Yes \[we are still friends\] and now we’re even closer friends than before
&#x200B;
**\*\*\*\*\*Reminder - I am not the original poster.\*\*\*\*\*** | Tirraellea | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yy55yf/my_friends_mom_pushed_me_into_a_table_saw_final/ | yy55yf | 9,977 | 5,744 | [
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"2022-11-18T05:15:30" | OOP’s daughter would like to be a stool for Halloween. They always do family costumes, and OOP is trying to figure out how to make this work. | CONCLUDED | *This is not my post. OOP is u/Low_Use2937 in r/Mommit. The suggestions on the original post are hilarious. There were too many to include them all, and I couldn’t pick between which were the best, but I highly recommend reading through them.*
[**Creative moms- I need your help!**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Mommit/comments/y3h6kg/creative_moms_i_need_your_help/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) posted 14 October 2022
My 4yo daughter wants to be a stool for Halloween- one you sit on, not one that comes out of you. She decided on that costume last Halloween and has stuck to it for a year, aside from a brief (two week) fling with the idea of being a ghost. I think it’s hilarious and definitely original, but my question is… how? How do I make a stool costume? Where do I even begin? What do I make it out of? I’ve made tricky costumes before (she wanted her baby sister to be a black hole last year and the finished product was *chef’s kiss*), but this one has me stumped. Also, we always do group/family costumes. Any ideas for what to dress the 22mos sister as that will go with a stool?
[**Update on my little stool: We did it! Thank you to all who offered advice/tips! Your help made a little girl’s dream of being furniture possible.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Mommit/comments/yiulac/update_on_my_little_stool_we_did_it_thank_you_to/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) posted 31 October 2022
[**Comment thread**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Mommit/comments/yiulac/update_on_my_little_stool_we_did_it_thank_you_to/iukwe08/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
*Commenter:* I've been thinking about you all day! The costume came out adorable. What did your baby go as, in the end?
*OOP:* [A toad!](https://imgur.com/a/aUCQM9q) | BORU_Lover | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yybvhm/oops_daughter_would_like_to_be_a_stool_for/ | yybvhm | 1,829 | 2,822 | [
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"2022-11-18T13:30:23" | My [34m] stepdaughter [19f] and I are very close. Her boyfriend [20m] doesn't like that. | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yyk4sc/my_34m_stepdaughter_19f_and_i_are_very_close_her/ | yyk4sc | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-18T13:46:27" | My [34m] stepdaughter [19f] and I are very close. Her boyfriend [20m] doesn't like that | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yykgxd/my_34m_stepdaughter_19f_and_i_are_very_close_her/ | yykgxd | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-18T14:08:06" | OOP is heading to Perth to get his son back. | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yykyi9/oop_is_heading_to_perth_to_get_his_son_back/ | yykyi9 | 9 | 1 | [
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