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2022-11-09T05:48:39 | AITA For "Ruining" my kid's life after she ruined a dress? | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqa12y/aita_for_ruining_my_kids_life_after_she_ruined_a/ | yqa12y | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-09T07:23:42 | What should I do with my boyfriend acting weird? | ONGOING | [removed] | Material-Round-4777 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqbp7h/what_should_i_do_with_my_boyfriend_acting_weird/ | yqbp7h | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-09T09:06:33 | I think my brother is not going to make it to 30 | ONGOING | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqdbp0/i_think_my_brother_is_not_going_to_make_it_to_30/ | yqdbp0 | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-09T09:33:43 | Can anyone please explain my "nightmares" to me? | ONGOING | [removed] | Material-Round-4777 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqdral/can_anyone_please_explain_my_nightmares_to_me/ | yqdral | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-09T11:05:38 | OOP is pregnant with soon-to-be ex husband's baby and somehow AP is mad. | ONGOING | AP - Affair Partner.
I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/throwawayaitasickgf in multiple subreddits.
Trigger Warning - >!death of parents, siblings, infidelity and miscarriage!<
Mood Spoiler - >!yes!<
[Post 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/x8z98t/husband_wont_come_home_to_support_me_while/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (9 Sept 22 on r/relationship_advice)
**Husband won't come home to support me while grieving**
And I feel so needy asking him to come.
Trying to be as vague as I can possibly be without it affecting the story.
So I (mid twenties) am married to brad (also mid twenties). We have currently have a long distance relationship because he got a better work opportunity there and I couldn't move because I can't take my uni campus with me. I wasn't that thrilled about him moving a 5 hour drive away to a new country, but it being europe we figured that trains and busses will help ease the temporary experience. Plus he was overjoyed about it and I could never taint his happiness.
Lately something really bad happened to my life. Without getting into too much details, I am grieving really badly. Hours and days and weeks seem to blend into each other in this thick heavy mess and I can't bring myself to get out of bed somedays or put on trousers. He knows of the situation but can't do much being so far, so I asked him to come over.
Here's where we get to the problem. His brother chad moved to brad's country to study. Brad said he can't come over because he has to show his brother the country and school and help him move etc. He is planning to be his guide over the city for 2 weeks. I pleaded with him that I needed him but he told me he is scared his parents will get mad at him if he doesn't take care of his brother like they want him to. I was heartbroken.
I was venting to a friend, denise, asking her if it is normal that I am so sad he won't come support me in these dark times and she snapped at me. Told me I should be grateful I have a caring husband and to stop being fucking jealous of a teen (chad is 19 and she knows it). Denise then ranted that I'm being ridiculous and an asshole demanding he leave his baby brother behind to come coddle me like a child. She told me I needed to hear the truth of my actions from someone else.
Now I feel like the worst human and the worst wife on the planet. I need advice on how to deal with this relationship conflict, and maybe be a bit less needy?
Comments -
>I’m sorry you’re depressed. Are you working with a doctor and therapist?
I can appreciate that you’d like him to come see you but wouldn’t that mean he has to miss work as well? If he’s already taking these two weeks off, is there a compromise? Like could he show his brother around the first week then come see you for a few days?
I guess I just don’t see what he can really do for you other than be present. And he does have another obligation already. If you’ve been feeling poorly for awhile, it seems like you should see your doctor and a therapist.
>>**OOP** - He works mostly remotely, and only very few hours. Like 10/2 hours a week, 2 of which have to been onsite because of equipment he can't transport home. He usually does all 8 hours at the end of the month, so isn't needed on site for 3 weeks.
I am working with a psychiatrist, I can't see very often for various reasons that are mostly money and time. She told me she would rather not have me medicated right away, and constantly stresses the importance of a support system.
He is on the autism spectrum, so very bad with words but good with gestures. That's why I want him here, he doesn't have a clue how to help someone emotionally by text.
>Can you not go to him? If you’re already not going to classes it would make more sense if you went over there since he has work and other obligations.
>>**OOP** - I live at home while he lives in a very strict housing facility managed by his work and is not allowed visitors. I would have to get and airbnb which I absolutely cannot afford. Also I'm going to classes because they haven't started yet. They start next week.
>Whether your husband is with you or with his brother right now is not the real issue. You have clearly been hurting for a long time, and even if your husband did come home, you still need real treatment for acute depression and grieving. Please try to seek treatment or find a support group, even an online group, to deal with your grief. You are not the worst human and wife on the planet. You are a hurt human being who needs help processing your loss. I can’t bring myself to call your spouse TA. Yes, you’re supposed to put your spouse first when you’re married, but in this case, your husband isn’t just ditching home to go on vacation. He’s helping his brother get set up in a new country. Again, even if he did skip this trip and come home, you would still need—and deserve—additional mental health support to get you through this time. I’m very sorry for your loss. Please be kind to yourself.
>>**OOP**This brought tears to my eyes. Thank you. As explained in another comment, I have a psychiatrist's help. She is encouraging me to have my husband around.
Also yeah, no one tells you loosing your mum, dad and sister and ending up in debt would be that brutal on you. He didn't even come to the funeral. I am lost but appreciate your kind words. I'll try to not be so hard on him.
[Post 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/pregnant/comments/yee2sb/negative_test_weird_symptoms_can_i_get_some_mama/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (27 Oct 22 on r/pregnant)
**Negative test, weird symptoms. Can i get some mama insight? I don't have mine anymore.**
*This post was removed*
[Post 3](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yggx62/im_pregnant_with_exhusbands_baby_and_somehow_ap/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (30 Oct 22 on r/trueoffmychest)
**I'm pregnant with ex-husband's baby. And somehow AP is mad?**
My wonderful, soon to be ex husband lied to me for months while living with his ap, my ex best friend. It was lovely to find out that no, his new work building didn't have strict rules, SHE was living with him (he had a work opportunity in another country so we were living an ldr for a few months).
We saw each other recently, had passionate sex and overall had fun. Until I discovered the affair. Tears and screams and bag packing later, I was home mulling over the situation.
I am numb, still numb even after finding out I was pregnant. Here is where it gets good:
Ap is infertile. Her husband left her recently because of that, and I was her shoulder to cry on. I called ex husband to tell him about baby, and the high risk of miscarriage. She was next to him. She went ape shit. Screamed and cried I had no right to have HER man's baby, that I am stealing her life and being a bitch. Oh really.
Her relatives are now blowing up my phone calling me horrible spiteful bitch. What? How ? Why? Logic gymnastics much?
I am so done with everything. 2022 can go eat a dick. I have no one to talk to so here I am getting this out of my chest.
Edit :
Ap: affair partner
Ldr: long distance relationship
Denise is the same denise from my last post. Also funnily enough, chad tipped me on the affair.
I have a therapist and following your advice, got a lawyer.
Also please stop telling me to not "murder my baby over my bitterness for my husband". My heart is already raw over that hard but necessary decision. I respect your beliefs so please respect my decision.
Comments
>**OOP** - Well I am not a perfect person either. I recently lost my parents and was grieving hard so I can understand he felt a bit "left on the side". But communicating that would've been the adult way to go, not getting knuckles deep in his coworker. He said he was housing her until she gets back on her feet, because her husband just left her. When i pointed out she earns 9k a month and it shouldn't be hard to get even a motel with that he started crying. Bawling. Telling me she meant nothing and I was his world as i was throwing everything into a suitcase. He even grabbed me by the hand and forced me into a hug as I was leaving.
I've been home for about a week and I am receiving daily presents and letters throughout the mail, about how I'm the love of his life and can't betray our wedding vows like that. Once he heard of the pregnancy he got a hotel room not far from my home and is sending more and more letters about how we could be the perfect family and nothing happened.
I'm putting his gifts in boxes to wrap them and donate them to those in need this Christmas. I haven't opened any.
With the phone harassment and home delivery of personal harassment, who needs mental sanity, am I right?
Also talking about it all and realizing I am not going crazy has been a huge relief. My therapist is beside herself appalled at everything and even let out a "wtf" as I was telling her. Sorry diane
[Post 4](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yjsapn/update_to_im_pregnant_with_exhusbands_baby_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) ( 1 Nov 22 on r/trueoffmychest)
**Update to I'm pregnant with ex-husband's baby. And somehow AP is mad?**
Hi reddit. It's been about 3 days, but these days felt like weeks to me. As I was tossing and turning in my hospital bed, I remembered this account and thought you might want an update. To be frank, I also need to tell someone.
I lost my baby. A few hours after posting actually. Avoiding details (and my memory is also hazy) it was gruesome. I won't explain very much but it was just horrible.
For context i take heart meds for a condition i got from my dad, one of those being blood thinners. When I misscarried, it was flowing and flowing and I honestly thought I would be dying. I was on my knees in pain and the massive blood loss coupled with the already severe anemia made me very dizzy and confused. I called the fire department and managed to stay lucid until they came. I wish this on no one ever, it was traumatizing.
Where it gets bad; I don't remember if I mentioned it somewhere on the original post, but my husband came home when he heard of the pregnancy and was staying at the budget hotel on the other side of the road. When he saw the firetrucks pulling to "our" house, he apparently ran over to ask what was happening to his "wife". He followed the ambulance to the hospital (or so he told me) and came in pretending he was my dear old husband being so concerned for me.
I didn't need much, just a blood tranfusion, iron and pther ivs and some pain killer. They also gave me meds to "finish the job" and recommended rest.
Waking up to find him next to me was ... a deception? I have no english words to describe how gutted I was when I woke up to his concerned face next to me.
We fought. I told him I never wanted to see him again and was serving him papers soon, he said I was his wife that he loved more than anything in this world and was deeply concerned for. What love when you were LIVING with your affair partner. He pulled out his phone and broke up with denise on speaker phone, and asked me if I wanted him to make a facebook post where he tells everyone about his infidelity. I told him he could go fuck himself for all I cared.
Everytime I wake up, there he is. Tidying up my room, changin the flowers in the vase, peeling my fruit or bringing me even more boxes of my favorite chocolates (the fruta di mare ones). He is constantly here, catering to my every need. The nurses did ask me if I wanted him removed after we argued, but I said no. I don't know why. I feel like somewhere in there is still the kind man I married. Maybe. Maybe not.
As I write this, he is sleeping on a wooden chair, arms crossed.
As for denise, she sent me some colorful messages. She heard about my miscarriage from husband, and didn't miss a beat in insulting me even more saying that's all I deserve for stealing her man away from her. That a was a racist slut who hated her and her family all along and she was glad I would never be a mother. It goes without say that I took the mental health initiative to block her and her whole circus. See you in therapy guys, homewrecker out.
Don't know if I can be vulnerable but I feel like my heart has been ripped to shreds. Someone on my last post said something to the effect of "no one goes to an abortion with a smile on their face" and god is that true. Even if this baby wasn't expected to last, it hurts. It hurts like crazy. You keep playing the what ifs in your head. I wish it didn't have to be this way, I wish I could welcome a little one into my life.
I keep wishing I could just go back to having a small family and a loving husband. I wish I could just forgive and forget. But I won't. And fuck does it hurt.
This is getting too long and boring, sorry about that. I can't thank you enough for all the kind words from every single one of you. Re-reading them earlier gave me the clarity to realize I was making the right decision, and I had the strength to do so. Thank you
Comments -
>From your other posts you've been very socially isolated. I can understand why you'd tell the nurse the husband thing could stay, you need the social support. You don't have to get back with him or try and stay with him because he's helping you now. The fact of the matter is; it's too little, too late. Don't let him back in your life when you're getting better.
You're doing the right thing with therapy and a divorce lawyer, they'll help deal with your dumpster fire husband and psycho Denise. Your therapist might be able to recommend support groups, etc. You will meet people and form friendships, you'll find new interests and be able to overhaul your life when the husband creature is gone and you're on the mend.
>>**OOP** - Surprised to see someone understand the husband thing. I can't help feeling either like I am taking advantage of him or being a coward and letting him back so easily into my life. Maybe it is that deep down, I just feel alone.
My therapist recommended a good "grief" counselor when i called to cancel my next appointment. I was confused but she said I needed someone to help me grieve the relationship and my baby. Guess she knows better - I will give it a try.
Turns out I had more friends than I thought hahaha. People came to visit me so much it was exhausting. Denise's brother came and brought me flowers and a letter. Haven't read it yet.
Thank you for your concern but I will be okay. I'll let the waves of life take me (hopefully) somewhere better.
>Tell the nurse to kick him out!!
>>**OOP** - I should but I'm weak.
Also the nurses are absolute angels. After the fight and my refusal to kick him out one of them slid me a piece of bandage wrapper (the papers things gauze comes in, sorry not native English speaker). On it she wrote "if you need help or security to be called ask for grapes with your lunch". Honestly such a smart move, I thanked her profusely afterwards.
**Mini edit**: it's 11pm here. I kicked my husband out of the room earlier. He started talking about going home together and finally trying officially for a kid. I had enough. I asked the nurse (the one who gave me the wrapper) for grapes as a snack. She called security and they escorted him out. I can't move on if he's lingering around.
Thanks for all the sweet messages, the concerns, the love, the support, the dms, everything. You people have a heart of gold, and I hope karma pays it back tenfold. You don't know the positive impact you had on my mental health.
**Reminder - I'm not the OOP** | prettiergenghis | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqfpsa/oop_is_pregnant_with_soontobe_ex_husbands_baby/ | yqfpsa | 15,989 | 5,715 | [
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2022-11-09T11:20:44 | AITA For "Ruining" my kid's life after she ruined a dress? | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqg1ze/aita_for_ruining_my_kids_life_after_she_ruined_a/ | yqg1ze | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-09T12:23:50 | $BTC Key support has been broken and yet you see people bullish. $14k is like a magnet. | NEW UPDATE | [removed] | upstockking | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqhhwh/btc_key_support_has_been_broken_and_yet_you_see/ | yqhhwh | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-09T12:33:49 | AITA For "Ruining" my kid's life after she ruined a dress? | CONCLUDED | [removed] | Potential-Ear-7793 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqhqau/aita_for_ruining_my_kids_life_after_she_ruined_a/ | yqhqau | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-09T14:09:29 | OOP wants to give a big gift without making it weird | Best of 2022 | I am not OOP. This was originally posted by [u/AmbigrammaticAir](https://www.reddit.com/user/AmbigrammaticAir/) on r/Advice.
\--
[**ORIGINAL POST**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/kawzyv/how_to_give_a_big_gift_without_making_it_weird/) **- Dec 11, 2020**
My coworker recently lost his car--don't know the details, probably broke down or something. He had to cancel his own wedding for his son's funeral last weekend. He's in a really shitty spot. I don't think this guy is one of those "make someone feel sorry in order to take advantage of them" types so...
I was already kinda half-ass looking around at newer cars, waiting for a deal for a few months now but not *needing* one ASAP. When I heard this guy was ubering to and from work every day I was like, holy shit I'll just go ahead and pull the trigger on a new-to-me car and give him my old car.
I have decided I'm going to do it but I have no idea HOW to do it. I want to preserve his dignity so I'm not going to make a big show of it, in fact, I really don't like the fact that our coworkers will figure it out when they see him driving my car. I don't feel like I'm doing it for self-aggrandizement, everything just happened to line up to where I can really help this guy. I'd have donated it to NPR because I wouldn't get much in trade and don't want to hassle with selling.
How should I approach this? What is the most graceful way to give this to him, and refuse payment if he offers it, and not let it be weird? I mean, I know I can only control my side of things but if there are some things I can say or do that would make it easier I'd appreciate some insight.
In my mind, I was thinking of inviting him into an empty office and just being like look dude. I want you to have this. But then... what? What if I offend him? What if he refuses to take it and continues to Uber into work? What if he gets weird afterwards? My boyfriend said I should offer to sell it to him for a super-low price so it doesn't feel like charity, but I feel kinda tacky being like "hey I know you have all this shit going on but if you give me 500 bucks I'll give you my car"? Nah that won't work for me. Maybe I could offer to sell but be super insistent that I will NEVER ask him when he will pay me and he can get it back to me whenever he wants, 5 bucks at a time if he needs to but really I am not trying to make money off this. I just want to help my colleague. He's kind, warm, and hard-working and he's dealing with a bunch of shit. A big steaming shit pile. I can't sit here KNOWING I can help him and just ...shake him down or do nothing.
How do I even remotely handle this
\--
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/kawzyv/how_to_give_a_big_gift_without_making_it_weird/) **added as an edit.**
So, I showed up right as he was walking across the lot to his truck to leave for the week. I ran up and was like, "hey! How you holding up?" He sighed heavily and said "I am getting through it because I must get through it." I asked, "Have you come to a solution for your car problem?" And he sighed again and said, "Yes, the solution is that I must have one and can't afford another." We were about 20 yards away from employee parking and could see both my cars so I said, "Well, this weekend I bought that car (point at new car) and so now I would like you to have that one (point at old car)."
He was absolutely speechless, so I kinda started talking fast and was like "I couldn't find the title--it's in my closet somewhere--but I have all the necessary paperwork you need to bring to the Iowa DOT to transfer it into your name. I'll pay for a replacement title if I can't find it, and it's overdue for an oil change so I'll get that done this week while you're out too. I'll leave the keys on my desk so you have them if you get back after I leave on Friday."
I attempt to look in his eyes but his mask has fogged his glasses. I continue.
"Yeah, they only offered me 98 dollars for the car and I didn't think it was worth it and I didn't really want to hassle with selling it online. Also I don't have space at home to keep it, so I thought to myself, *why not let \[coworker\] have it?* So here we are."
He has begun shaking. It's 15 degrees so I am getting pretty cold at this point and I start hopping a little.
"So...would you take my car please?" I ask, by way of concluding the offer and requesting some kind of feedback.
Immediately, he grabbed me around the shoulders and pulled me in for a long, strong hug. He is openly weeping into my hair now. He is saying something but my scarf is muffling his words, but I let him hang on until he decides to pull back. Finally he removed his glasses, and he looked me in the eyes and said, "You have changed my life with this gift. I cannot describe what you have given me." So of course I started crying and we hugged again. Then, he said I must be freezing and I am to go into the office immediately, so I did. He sat out in his truck for a while before finally leaving for the week, and I feel content that he did not insist on haggling over money. Perhaps if he decides later to bring it up, I will entertain what he has to say, but for now I am well satisfied with how this turned out. Now I just have to find that damn title 😵
I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart to each and every one of you who read this and took the time to reply.
As it turns out, I was totally overthinking how this was going to go!
\---
**Reminder: I am not OOP.** | rickysayshey | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqk141/oop_wants_to_give_a_big_gift_without_making_it/ | yqk141 | 5,508 | 26,499 | [
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2022-11-09T14:51:30 | When being child free gets you extra 40 hours/week of work... | REPOST | **I am not OP.**
Posted by u/Throwaway_LIVID in r/childfree
[**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/jf3a7y/when_being_child_free_gets_you_extra_40_hoursweek/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) _- October 20, 2020_
I need a place to rant and I'm so grateful for having this sub. I'm also using a throwaway for privacy reasons as I'm about to throw shade.
Background: I work for a huge corporation and am a salaried employee (relevant later). My job is very project based and each employee works on their own projects most of the time.
Today, our department manager booked a team meeting to discuss "upcoming changes". Cool, no problem. At this meeting, we're presented with a memo outlining the changes in hours to be worked for November (possibly longer) as follows:
Mandatory 8-8 work days every day including Saturdays (Sundays possible if deemed neccessary) EXCEPT for team members who have children: their hours will remain 9-5 Monday-Friday.
Manager finishes going over this and asks "any questions?". YES I HAVE A QUESTION. IN WHAT WORLD DID YOU THINK THIS WOULD BE OK??? She explains that due to the situation in the last few months, "we've" fallen behind in projects as team members have to take care of their kids and work at the same time, so "we have to pick up the slack".
Me again: Based on our status meeting yesterday, the team members without kids are all on track with their projects, with many of us consistently finishing days before our deadlines. So are you telling me that those of us who don't have kids have to work an additional 40 hours a week to complete projects for team members who won't even be helping finish the said projects???
She responds with "I'm struggling to understand why this is such a big issue for you". EXCUSE ME, WHAT? I ask my fellow child free team members if they're ok with this, all of them say NO. The ones with kids are completely silent of course. I tell her that it's absolutely insane that she thinks this is even close to being ok. She just blinks at me. Then I ask her if she will also be working these hours with us? Of course it's a NO, she has a child (a fucking 18 year old mind you)... I was ready to throw my laptop through the window at this point. She then just ends the meeting. I'M FUMING!
I regroup with my fellow child free team and we agree that this isn't about to happen. I email the manager right after to let her know that we will be requesting a meeting with HR and Legal department to discuss our employment contracts and hours we're being forced to work simply because we don't have kids. I know damn well that this is fucking insane and against all employment policies within the company.
She proceeds to call me and tell me there is no need to go to HR/Legal and we can resolve this "internally". BITCH NO WE CAN'T! You dismissed me and didn't even bother to listen to 12 other team members you plan to work to death without any sort of additional compensation. She then says "well you're salaried so there's no need for additional compensation"
If only I had the ability to choke her through the phone... I collect myself and tell her, in the most professional way I could muster, that we can discuss this with HR/Legal and I end the call.
I proceeded to book a meeting with my child free team, Manager, and HR/Legal for tomorrow. In the meantime, I'm downing a bottle of wine to calm myself. I might end up unemployed tomorrow, but I'm NOT letting this go. This is the hill I will die on!!! End rant.
&#x200B;
[**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/jfmth1/update_when_being_child_free_gets_you_extra_40/) _-October 22, 2020_
Before I get into the good stuff, I need to say thank you to everyone who commended/awarded/DMed on my original post. I was baffled by the number of comments this morning. Y'all are amazing!!! ❤ I've been reading your comments throughout the day, but couldn't respond as the post was locked (per the Mod, post exceeded # of comments limit).
Some users asked what I do for work: I have to give a vague answer to this for privacy reasons. I work in the Regulatory Compliance department and our job is to monitor and enforce internal policies and laws/regulations at all levels within the company.
Almost everyone requested an update, so I really hope this lives up to the hype. The meeting took place first thing this morning with the Manager, head of HR, another HR Manager, two Labor Law Attorneys (from Legal dept.), head of my dept. (Legal invited him on the fly this morning) and 13 CFs (12 coworkers and me). I started the meeting by explaining "why we've gathered here today" (head of my dept. was dumbfounded, he clearly had NO IDEA what the Manager tried to pull). Legal went through the "rules" of discussion (wait your turn to speak and such).
I was first to make my case and my approach was simple: show proof, show policy, explain why the policy was violated and therefore can't be enforced. BORING, yes I know, but if that didn't work, I had other points on reserve to bring up (side note, I really wanted to go all out and lose my filter and say what I really was thinking, but as we know that would get me nowhere)... So I presented the Manager's memo and company's overtime policy, which clearly states that mandatory overtime must be:
1) mandatory for ALL MEMBERS of the department (hourly and salaried)
2) ALL MEMBERS must work equal number of OT hours
3) must be approved by the head of the dept. If any of these conditions are not met, management can't impose it, and should ask for volunteers to work OT instead... My argument was simple: Manager didn't follow the policy and purposefully targeted the CFs.
Highlights of the shit show that followed:
- Legal asked head of my dept. if he approved the memo- Answer was an angry NO (I could tell he was LIVID at the Manager). In my head, I'm laughing my A off
- Legal asks Manager for her side of the story. Answer "I wasn't aware of this policy". I interject with "I find that hard to believe when 3 weeks ago we did an extensive review with that policy being the main objective and you were heavily involved with each step." Head of HR chimes in with "I can attest to that, I worked with the Manager on this project. Let's be truthful please." In my head I'm screaming TAKE THAT BITCH
Manager says "Well I didn't think policy would apply in this case."... Y'ALL!!! It took all my will-power not to cuss her out, all of a sudden her memory came back and NOW she's aware of the policy??? Legal stepped in with "Are you saying that you, the Manager responsible for enforcing policies, honestly thought that those same policies don't apply to you?". AAAAHHHHHHHH YES!!! Head of my dept. stepped in with (to Manager, still angry AF) " You were blatantly wrong here. There's no need to try and justify it"
This is obviously very summarized, but the jist is there. Round 1 was a win! Next were some of the CFs who shared emails between them and her, showing your standard shitty manager behaviors and lack of accountability. She just kept repeating "that's not why we're here today". It didn't stop them from going on though. This was very enjoyable to watch.
Then, one of the other CFs asked to speak and let me tell you, this guy showed up with RECEIPTS!!! He spent the entire night creating an analysis, fucking pie charts and all, to illustrate how many projects were done by the 13 CFs as compared to the 19 non-CFs, how much time was put in by us vs. them, how much vacation/sick time was approved for us vs. them, for the last year!!! I WAS SHOOK!! His analysis showed that 13 of us did close to 60% of all the work while 19 of them did 40ish. Don't even get me started on the rest of the stats. This guy WIPED THE FLOOR WITH THE MANAGER. I hope he gets a raise, because he's my hero. Her response? "This company promotes work-life balance and wants families to have time to spend with each other so it's normal that employees with kids get time to do just that".
I couldn't hold back. Me: Yes, you're absolutely right that the company does that. What you're lacking here is the understanding that family includes other people, not just children. In case you were unaware, ALL OF US HAVE FAMILIES TOO!"... HR interjected with "I believe we have enough information here".
The CFs (myself included) were asked to leave the meeting, so they can deliberate, and we were told they'll circle back with us later in the afternoon.
Later comes around, we're invited to a meeting. This time it's all the same people, but no Manager... Head of my dept. apologized that this ever happened, thanked us for "doing the right thing and bringing it to their attention", threw in a few company lines about equal treatment, yadda, yadda, and told us he will be taking over the managerial duties for the time being. Legal added that the memo is null and void and made it clear that we will NOT be working those insane hours. In case you're wondering, the Manager was offline for the rest of the day. We don't know what happened there. But who cares, WE WON!!!
&#x200B;
[**Final Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/kh2xrn/update_to_the_update_when_being_childfree_gets/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) _- December 20, 2020_
So it's been about a month since the whole situation took place. This will be a short update as I will focus on what majority who read the original post/update wanted to know.
1. Did the Manager get fired? Answer: No. HOWEVER, she is no longer a Manager in my group. She was transfered to a non-managerial position in a different department.
2. Did pie charts/stats guy get promoted? Answer: Again no, BUT I hear that the company has a promotions freeze in place until end of year, so there is still hope. The Manager position remains open.
I know this is not too exciting of an update, but I didn't want to leave the story unfinished :) I hope everyone is doing well and staying safe! XOXO | rainingsakuras | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yql3cw/when_being_child_free_gets_you_extra_40_hoursweek/ | yql3cw | 10,000 | 14,435 | [
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2022-11-09T15:57:06 | OOP's wife held a talent show at their wedding reception because she wanted to read a poem. Her friend who sang networked with a guest who happened to be a producer. She then became bitter for weeks | ONGOING | I am not OP; that would be u/throwrapitifulone
This post was trending on the top of r/ relationship\_advice a little over a week ago
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/y4chpr/wifef28_held_a_talent_show_at_our_wedding/): October 14th, 2022
I (m28) knew her since college, and I'll get that out of the way first. The past few days have shown a different side of her that's a little surprising because Kate is her best friend from college. My wife (Nancy) wanted to do a mini talent show at our reception, and she talked it up beforehand too. She read a poem that she made for the event, and Kate performed a song that she wrote. Long story short, one of the guests who I invited is into producing, and he reached out to her after she performed. They exchanged information, and Kate was really excited. He wanted to network with her following the reception, and she even thanked my wife for hosting the talent show over text
But Nancy became really bitter about it, and that's why I'm writing this. She hasn't responded to Kate's message, and she said she regretted doing the talent show too. She also asked me to block Edward (the producer) on my socials/contacts, and I told her that that seemed a bit much. She didn't like my answer and said that I was wrong to "not take her side after just getting married", but I told her that she should be happy for her friend. She didn't like that either and vented to some in our friend group about how Kate was "bragging", but some of them disagreed. She said she didn't want to hang out with them for the time being, and that included me too. Two of her girlfriends even texted me that she was "overreacting" and that they were also surprised to see her act that way (they also asked if she was okay too). My dad is suggesting counseling and said that asking me to remove friends is an unhealthy way to start a marriage, and I'm honestly more than a little scared. I asked if she'd be open to counseling, but she said there was "no need" because "Kate was her friend first" and I "shouldn't choose Kate over her." I just want to ask what to do next since she refused counseling and sees no issue with cutting off our friends
edit: *I want to add that Nancy complained that her poem didn't get as good of a reception as Kate's song. Kate didn't study music in college but practices on the side, and her text was really thankful for the opportunity that the talent show provided. Kate is also engaged to her long-time boyfriend*
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/yj9s89/update_wifef28_held_a_talent_show_at_our_wedding/): November 1st, 2022
It's been a little over two weeks since my first post, and I've had some time to try and process. A lot of it still feels surreal having known her since my early 20s and the 180 after the wedding. I want to address a few things that were asked in my first post before getting to the update. Nancy and Kate were not the only ones who performed in the talent show. During planning, Nancy said she wanted to "showcase" her friends and how "awesome/proud" she was to have them. She also said it was a bonding thing between her girlfriends (from our friend group), and the girls were the ones who performed. However, given her post-reception 180, it really surprised me in comparison to her pre-talent show mindset. A few people commented that she didn't need to have a talent show to read the poem she made for the wedding. She could've just read it at any time as the bride
**Update**: The reason I'm writing this post is because of something else that came up and led to a conversation. We had a vacation coming up, but she no longer wants to go on it. In the time since my first post, she's continued to have random mood swings due to thinking about Kate. Sometimes that's venting about how Kate "would have nothing without her" or getting really quiet and distant (even while eating). She's also still upset at her girlfriends who she vented to about Kate. But when they disagreed and called her out for being bitter over a talent show no one forced her to have, she told me to cut off our friend group along with blocking the producer/girlfriends too. When I disagreed, she became distant and said I was "choosing them over her"
My dad suggested counseling and talking to her again because asking me to cut off friends was an "unhealthy start to the relationship". So I talked to her after my first post and asked if she'd be open to it, but she said there was no need because "all I had to do was cut them off". She also said I was "choosing them over her" and that she wouldn't go on our vacation until I did. When I asked her why Kate bothered her so much, she said she tried to publish in the past (a novel) and "didn't get any hand-me-downs then". But when I reminder her that my friend was a producer on the side in his basement, she said I" should've known better than to invite him" as if I should've known he would've liked Kate's song. When I told her that I wouldn't block the producer/entire friend group, she said I was "entitled like Kate" and that she wanted a break because I didn't care about her. I told her that I love her but didn't think it was healthy to cut off everyone. I also told her that she should be happy for her friend because Kate was really grateful, but she didn't seem to care
She has since gone to stay with her parents and left some of her things in our apartment. I talked to my dad after she ignored texts/calls for a few days, and he suggested bringing up an annulment because it had gone too far. Her parents have also ignored my calls, but I want to clarify Kate's text before I'm done. Kate wasn't arrogant or anything to Nancy. All she did was thank her for putting together the talent show that allowed her to network with the producer after the wedding, and she also offered to take her out to lunch as thanks. There was no arrogance from Kate, and the producer is also engaged as some people inquired about too. I'm just really surprised and hurt that her bitterness turned me into a bad guy for inviting my producer friend as if I was supposed to see into the future and not invite him
*edit: Nancy got the idea to make a poem for the reception after watching the poet (Amanda Gorman) read her works at the inauguration and super bowl. She also said that it wasn't out of place for her to read at the reception when "most people watching football aren't smart enough to appreciate poetry"*
\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_
Notable comments:
(u/malinyay) *Yes, this is exactly what I thought. And I can understand her feelings but not her actions. She was probably really proud of that poem and she had probably imagined people loving it and getting more praise than she did. She probably only thought of the talent show to have an "excuse" to read it. And her dream is to write, it seems to me. When you build something up in your mind like that it can be quite upsetting when something different happens.*
*Kate stole her spotlight. And somehow it seems she's now blaming her own failings at Kate because the talent show took Kate closer to her dreams. That's the part that seem really unhealthy to me, especially since it's been some time and she's still feeling the same way*
(u/frolicndetour) *I mean, she's the bride so she literally could have just said that she wanted to read a poem she wrote that was inspired by her husband or whatever. People would have listened and fawned because she was the bride. I think she turned it into a talent show because she also wanted to show up her friends, which makes the outcome even more of a karmic delight*
(OOP) *she compared it to when she tried to get published or something when she came out of college but "didn't get any hand-me-downs" as she referred to her talent show as that, since it provided a chance to meet the producer*
*she gave me an ultimatum to block our friend group after her girlfriends told her that she was being bitter when she vented to them, the same girlfriends from her wedding party who knew her longer before me, and if I didn't block them, she wouldn't go on our vacation. When I refused, she went to her parents*
*she literally changed/became distant mid-reception when Kate's song got a better reception than her, and she was distant with others too. Just trying to move on because it's been a long few weeks* | ThrowRA3837374 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqmw9c/oops_wife_held_a_talent_show_at_their_wedding/ | yqmw9c | 8,429 | 5,797 | [
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2022-11-09T16:25:40 | My girlfriend has been avoiding me ever since her ex passed away | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwragf20 in r/relationship_advice**
---
&nbsp;
[**My (29F) girlfriend (27F) has been avoiding me ever since her ex passed away**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qo4mho/my_29f_girlfriend_27f_has_been_avoiding_me_ever/) - 6 November 2021
We have been dating for 4 years and living together for 2. She had only one other serious relationship.
It was pretty traumatic for her. He spiralled down alcoholism. He drove drunk and ended up injuring himself severely while my girlfriend was with him. They broke up after he recovered. They had started dating when they were 16 and broke up when they were 22.
He passed away last week. She has been avoiding me. She is a hugger and she hasn't hugged me in days. She has been crying and I can't help but feel insecure. I don't know what to do?
TLDR: girlfriend has been crying after her ex passed.
&nbsp;
[**Update: My (29F) girlfriend (27F) has been avoiding me ever since her ex passed away**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qw02ah/update_my_29f_girlfriend_27f_has_been_avoiding_me/) - 17 November 2021
I received some really great advice from reddit which helped me sort out my thinking. I just gave her space to think and process on her own. It was hard, My first instinct is to be there for her and talk to her but I realized what she wanted was space away from me and the only way I could be there for her was by giving her space.
She is doing much better now. We talked about it and she told me she knew that she was being very distant and treating me like a roommate she didn't like. She apologized but I told her that I am glad that she took the time to process her emotion and I am willing to listen if she wanted to talk about it.
It was a long conversation and to summarize it; She feels sort of survivor's guilt about getting out of their toxic home environments and building a life for herself when he couldn't, She had moved on, got away from her parents and met the love of her life. She had everything they had dreamed of having and he had nothing. She also feels guilty for breaking her promise to stay friends after she broke up with him. She told me that she had hoped and dreamed that he would get sober and get away from the destructive cycles of their families.
She also talked about some of the great memories they had together. She is slowly starting to spend more time with me. She still cries but she lets me soothe her and be there for her. I feel less lost dealing with this as she slowly opens up to me and let me be there for her.
TLDR: I gave her space. She is talking to me and that helps. It is still difficult but we will get through it.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqnpz7/my_girlfriend_has_been_avoiding_me_ever_since_her/ | yqnpz7 | 2,789 | 6,340 | [
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2022-11-09T16:35:11 | OOP wonders if he ruined his kid’s life after she ruined a custom $12k wedding dress | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqnzdf/oop_wonders_if_he_ruined_his_kids_life_after_she/ | yqnzdf | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-09T16:41:45 | "What would you do---19 students, 5 names" + New SHOCKING Update! | NEW UPDATE | **I am NOT OP. Original post by** [u/journey\_to\_myself](https://www.reddit.com/user/journey_to_myself/) **in** r/Teachers
trigger warnings: >!child abuse, kidnapping.!<
this was [previously posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/xhygsj/what_would_you_do19_students_5_names/) in BORU by u/FlipDaly, but there has been a new (shocking) update.
___
[**What would you do---19 students, 5 names**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Teachers/comments/x4gv7u/what_would_you_do19_students_5_names/?sort=qa) \- September 2, 2022
So.....I am dealing with a disaster of a roster for an afterschool club.
I have 19 students, all boys between the ages of 6 and 13 (elementary to middle school)
There are different 5 first names
I have 7 Liam's (two are literally named the same first, middle and last)
I have 5 Noahs (three have the same middle name, two have a last name that starts with the same letter)
I have 3 Mateo (two have the same last name and no middle name)I have 2 William (and one is William Noah just for shits and giggles)
I have 2 Sam (not Samuel, just Sam)
The first day I sat them all down and tried to figure out what we could call them to prevent chaos. It started descending into chaos. Trying to save the afternoon, I told the boys that we could all have special club names. The boys were all for it, so I used a fantasy name generator and let them all pick Mad Scientist names. They were THRILLED. One of the Mateos, especially, because he gets called "big Mateo" and he's sensitive about being overweight.
Except for one of the Liam's moms (of course one of the Liams who has the same first, middle and last name) is livid. She called the principal and wants his name to remain the same and me to call all the boys by their actual names.
Like...I don't even see how it's possible. Of the 5 names I have to work with, 19 kids none except William really lend themselves to nicknames and with so many repeats in last initials It'd be a jigsaw puzzle.
Admins are with me on this because the boys are all from different grades it really hasn't been an issue over all. But the one parent is trying to start a war over me "whitewashing" her kids name (Liam is white...). I let her know that since the other boys were happy with their mad scientist names he could be Dr. Liam. She wants me to scratch all the names or she's going to get the district involved. Other parents don't give a shit because it's afterschool care.
I'm not a full time teacher so I don't even know what the heck to do.
[**UPDATE: What would you do---19 students, 5 names**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Teachers/comments/xbhic4/update_what_would_you_do19_students_5_names/) \- September 11, 2022
Buckle up buttercup, because this is one wild ride.
It's Sunday and I'm posting because I needed a minute to breathe.
Tuesday- went well, used Dr. Liam Liam. Contacted the district who was like "you're an afterschool contractor, leave us the fuck alone" Mom still being an ass so I invited her to the club. (I have two parent voulenteers)
Wednesday- she came, sat in back and scowled the entire fucking time. A couple of the younger boys were very nutty. I sat them in a corner on the bean bags, gave them a snack and told them to take a minute. Turns out they were exhausted and both fell asleep. A couple older boys had some interpersonal issues to work out and they were off to another corner. One boy called his mom and begged me to let him study. Fine. Whatever. Room has four corners. Class proceeds with about 11 students actually participating. Eventually the boys who were dealing with whatever rejoin us, as well as the boy studying.
At this point, immediately after class, she pulled poor Dr. Liam Liam and 3 other of my students de-registered. This should have been a sign of things to come.
Thursday- I come in and get called into the office. There's a lawyer, the mom and then someone I didn't recognize. They are from CHILD PROTECTION. (Kraken mom's friends, apparently)
I'm not going to pretend I'm "color blind" or somehow magically immune to noticing race. My kids are mostly white or white hispanics with two asians. Evil Mom starts making accusations that I'm namecalling the kids (she didn't approve of Professor Calamity or Dr. Demon) and that I've forced all the children of color out while I only let the white kids participate. She has photos to "prove it." My sleepy boys were one asian, one black hispanic. Warring boys were one dark black hispanic, one tan? hispanic. Study stressed boy was asian. The rest of the boys are white passing hispanic, white or white-passing mixed. Her Liam was very subdued.
I honestly hadn't realized the way this occurred. It did look bad from the photos, but in the end all but the two sleepyheads joined in again. The volunteer moms in the group had checked with home and both parents had said to let the boys sleep. WTF am I supposed to do?
Nobody in the room except Kraken mom was really amused. She thought she had us over a barrel. Wasted the entire fucking afterschool time to hash it out. I'm shaking and ready to quit on the spot. Principal smooths it out, lawyer assures we have nothing to worry about. child protection was pretty annoyed because Kraken seemed to make them think she was exposing some kind of crazy situation.
Friday- I go in to find a REPORTER and a CAMERA. I let them know that they had better not publish any footage because Kraken didn't have permission to take the footage. I got the principal involved who called the lawyer and again we wasted MOST of the time sorting this out.
However, because Kraken posted on ALLL the town boards on Neighborhood and Facebook and whatever fucking else she could find, things ended up working out and biting her in the ass.
3 parents pulled their boys on Wednesday because they aligned with Kraken. On Friday afternoon, after I get in, I discover I have 5 girl besties from grade 4 who want to come, and since the cap is 20, I'm really happy to have them. It's not the best balance, but 1/4 is closer to my normal 1/3.
As of Saturday night, I have two new volunteers for class and a business (owned by the dad of the asian studying boy) is going to buy us TWO extra robots so the kids can be in teams of 3-5 rather than 5-7 and one mom has donated three of her old ipads for the kids to program on. Many people in the community are polarized, fortunately it's mostly in my direction.
My head is still spinning. And I don't think I could think up any more drama than has occurred.
I'm looking forward to Monday, with the new kids and a fresh slate.
[UPDATE 2: What would you do---19 students, 5 names. DR LIAM RETURNS!](https://www.reddit.com/r/Teachers/comments/ycko0x/update_2_what_would_you_do19_students_5_names_dr/)\- October 24, 2022
To address some things:
\-YES you can teach robotics to young kids. [The robot is available on Amazon](https://www.amazon.com/Makeblock-Mechanical-Entry-Level-Programming-Creativity/dp/B00SK5RUQY/ref=sr_1_4?crid=2460VCRU23RM5&keywords=makebot&qid=1666636666&qu=eyJxc2MiOiIyLjA3IiwicXNhIjoiMS44NCIsInFzcCI6IjEuNjEifQ%3D%3D&s=toys-and-games&sprefix=makebot%2Ctoys-and-games%2C98&sr=1-4). We get it through a volume discount.
\-The ipads were old minis. Worth around $100 each. They were not new, they were not pros. No you can't have one FFS.
\-I am an independent contractor. The district/union couldn't give a fuck about me and won't let me join. However, I do have an on call lawyer as a small business.- No, the girls didn't have the same names.- I can talk about this legally. So fuck off with the 'violation of FERPA' shit. Also, the below story is more than public knowledge (or at least Kraken's version)
Current class:I currently have 18 students, 13 boys, 5 girls. There are 10 names...which is much better, but they are all 'mad scientists' to meSleepy-heads - one boy decided to drop after talking with his mom. He just isn't ready to stay late. She's a SAHM and she wanted him to have 'opportunities'.The hispanic boys - one dropped. There's some really terrible tension in the school around the different countries they are from and the school is dealing with that. It's a very involved and nuanced situationThe asian dad continues to be such a huge asset. He really wants his kid to succeed. We talked about ways that he can allow his son to be a kid and still be ready for the world. We also talked about how it was fine if he used his ethnic birth name rather than his 'white' name. I also call the father (and his mother who I deal with less) by his ethnic birth name. He brought in a bunch of appetizers (both americanized and culturally accurate) and the entire class really enjoyed them. He's turned into a sort of superhero to the class and wither by accident or by design his is now the favorite spot in town because the kids LOVE the dude. His English isn't great, but he's trying to learn and I just adore him.
**And the Dr. Liam update.**
***\*\*\*ALLL OF THIS IS PUBLIC KNOWDLEGE AT THIS POINT\*\*\*\****
Last week after not seeing him for a month or so Liam tears into my classroom, full speed, when regular class is out but before I begin. (Kraken was speaking to his teacher and he told Kraken he needed to 'get something' from his locker across school)
Sobbing he comes to me, "Please, please give my dad his money back, I want to see him. If you make her happy, I can see him. I'm *actual mad scientist name I gave him*. Remember me?" Yes.I kinda WTF'd and then got the whole story.
This transpired LAST month. (remember I don't have access to students or records ...contractor) and none of the kids are in his homeroom so I don't hear the scuttlebut. Dr. Liam's dad was pretty pissed about her crusade and bashing of the club, social media shit, which is why his business donated. He was trying to apologize without words. Since she 'does the books' she caught it.Some of you mentioned she's the head of the church--opposite--she's queen bee at the gym/nutrition and a rabid atheist. Dr. Liam's dad decided that he'd bring Dr. Liam to church because he wanted his kid to learn how to be kind and moral. So Kraken told Dr. Liam after he went to church she'd take him out for ice cream.She took him several hours and a state over to her mom's house. He hadn't been home or gotten to talk to anyone he knew basically since my last post. Since they are married Dr. Liam's dad couldn't do shit except a wellness check. I have my own kids. I cannot imagine not having seen them since my last post. Fuck Kraken.
Fast forward to last week Dr. Liam was back to get his stuff from school.I called 911 after learning this, not wishing to release a crying kid back to Kraken, saying I feared for his safety. Because I really did since I knew she didn't like me. Also I worried about my other students who were entering in the classroom. So I let the volunteers know, pull in a teacher who is in a nearby classroom to watch mine and book it with Dr. Liam to the Principal's office.
We got the principal all set, he called Dr. Liam's dad in a very malicious compliance. Since Dr. Liam's mom withdrew him and thus was no longer a valid emergency contact he called Dr. Liam's dad. The secretary said that she wished she could pack a round. She's at LEAST 80 years old so it was very cute. Ok maybe not to some. But I knew that old lady would defend Liam, and I couldn't love her more.
I SWEAR they have the entire police force show up, plus some fire trucks. They get all the bussed kids off. They basically go into a full lock down. I'm not sure what the principal said, but apparently Kraken had something to a couple of Liam's teachers upset that they told the secretary before I even arrived.
Kraken did evade arrest but Dr. Liam's was escorted to his dad, who was just sobbing, happy to see his kid. His lawyer showed up and it seems like it's going to be bad news for Kraken. TRO (temporary restraining order) was granted for the school, Dr. Liam, his father and paternal grandparents. Dr. Liam left with his dad.
Dr. Liam's dad asked me to take Liam back into class. He hasn't done anything for over a month (not even homeschool). It's going to be tough to do anything. I haven't decided yet because the students in class after 5-6 weeks are in a tremendously different place. The kid needs to heal.
I did tell him that I'd give him access to my pandemic video version of the course and see what I could do about sourcing a robot for him and joining back in when ready. I have a coupon at one of those 'things remembered' sort of deals, and I'm thinking of getting Dr. Liam's mad scientist name on a notebook to give to him, since apparently that's his nickname he referred to himself as when his mom kidnapped him.
Dr. Liam's dad seems to have good support. I don't plan to update, but will if anything crazy happens.
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | cruthkaye | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqo5wj/what_would_you_do19_students_5_names_new_shocking/ | yqo5wj | 12,925 | 9,674 | [
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2022-11-09T17:01:22 | A teenager makes a bad choice, a hard parenting decision is made, and OOP wonders if there is one a****le or two | CONCLUDED | [removed] | BendSpecialist4762 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqop96/a_teenager_makes_a_bad_choice_a_hard_parenting/ | yqop96 | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-09T17:09:13 | A dress ruined, OOP has to make a tough parenting choice, she wonders if there is one a*****le or two | CONCLUDED | [removed] | BendSpecialist4762 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqoxc2/a_dress_ruined_oop_has_to_make_a_tough_parenting/ | yqoxc2 | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-09T17:20:12 | OOP's [31F] fiancé [33M] leaves her for a younger [24F], smarter, prettier, and better version of OOP. | REPOST | [removed] | ErasedAllMyUsernames | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqp8d7/oops_31f_fiancé_33m_leaves_her_for_a_younger_24f/ | yqp8d7 | 9 | 237 | [
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2022-11-09T17:35:00 | There is a girl, I like her, what should I do? | ONGOING | [removed] | arno_m347 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqpnm6/there_is_a_girl_i_like_her_what_should_i_do/ | yqpnm6 | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-09T17:57:27 | OOP: he doesn't want children | INCONCLUSIVE | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/fmlvegetation in r/relationship_advice**
trigger warnings: >!divorce!<
mood spoilers: >!sad, hopeful!<
---
&nbsp;
[**he doesn't want children**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ycdyct/he_doesnt_want_children/) - (24 Oct 2022)
Last night, my husband told me that he doesn't want to have children. He cried and cried and told me that he's known for sure for a while but didn't know how to tell me because he knows how important it is to me. We've been together for 9 years, married for 2 years, and although he's been depressed for the past year (difficult career stuff happening for him), I thought things were on track. He's said many times that it wasn't a good time for a baby, or that it made him nervous, but never ever that he didn't want them.
I'm devastated. I cried and raged and called him a liar. He says he's been lying to himself all this time. I cried myself to sleep and he got up early and went to work without waking me. I'm 37, I feel strongly about having a baby very soon. The thought of never having one breaks my heart. But so does leaving my marriage. I love my husband so much - I would move mountains for him. And I'm so so so angry and sad.
Is there any way to move forward? I simultaneously want to hold him and punch him right now. I don't know what to do or how to feel.
&nbsp;
[Update to "he doesn't want children."](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/yglb8p/update_to_he_doesnt_want_children/) - (30 Oct 2022)
I posted Monday about my husband telling me out of nowhere that he never wants children (I do.) It's been a sad, difficult week, but I have made some decisions and taken action.
First off, thanks to everyone who offered kind, supportive advice. I have come to the sad realization that I would rather live without my husband than without a child of my own. I am taking steps to leave.
I've made an appointment with an OB for a few weeks from now, to discuss my fertility and options for becoming a single parent.
I'm working with a realtor to buy a house on my own! This is so exciting to me, I've been wanting to buy for ages and had too much instability to do it before now.
There are a lot of little details to work out, and the actual divorce is probably a ways off (because reasons, none of your business.) But in spite of the deep sadness I feel, I think I'm making the right decision. The two friends I've told have been completely supportive and think I'm doing the right thing. Even my husband thinks I'm doing the right thing, although it's clear he's in a lot of pain. He's even offered to help me buy a new bed and things when I move out (too hard to get ours out of our current rental.)
So I'm sad, but moving forward with hope.
Finally, to everyone who said I'm too old to have kids, go fuck your self.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | PedanticPlatypodes | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqqacu/oop_he_doesnt_want_children/ | yqqacu | 2,925 | 9,968 | [
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2022-11-09T19:41:38 | My girlfriends lesbian best friend grabbed my d*** when we were drinking | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/explainthebrain1 in r/relationship_advice**
trigger warning: >!sexual assault!<
---
&nbsp;
[**My girlfriends lesbian best friend grabbed my d*** when we were drinking**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/xrl7xq/my_girlfriends_lesbian_best_friend_grabbed_my_d/) - 29 September 2022
We were out drinking and came back to my girlfriends best friends apartment.
We’re all sitting by each other on the couch and I have my hands wrapped around both of them. There’s a blanket on us and we’re just talking. My girlfriend doesn’t mind that her best friend is all touchy because she’s lesbian and has only ever been into girls.
Well under the covers she starts rubbing my leg and eventually my D***. I immediately got up and acted like I needed to use the bathroom.
I didn’t want to say anything but I also feel like my girlfriend should know. I just know it’ll destroy their friendship.
We acted like everything was normal the next day and haven’t spoke about it since (2 weeks ago)
**Edit:**
I’m also worried that her best friend will call me a liar and she might be inclined to believe her because she legit has only ever been with girls. No male hook ups or relationships. So her best friend might play it off like I was too drunk to remember and that I’m tripping. But I definitely wasn’t and I clearly remember
**Edit 2:**
I can’t get through every comment but I’m reading them all and appreciate it very much. I wrote this in response to the top comment and put it here too:
First to the people who are asking me why I didn’t enjoy it and saying it’s every man’s dream, you are dumb. I’m sitting next to the love of my life, someone who I choose to be exclusively with and another person made an unwanted advance. It was uncomfortable, a betrayal of trust to her best friend and as many people called out in this thread, it’s SA.
In terms of next steps, someone called out showing her this thread and I think that’s what I’ll do. After thinking about it more, I know she’s going to believe me but I also know she’s going to be very hurt and betrayed. This a friend she inseparable with.
Thank you all for the comments and helping me think through this. I will have an update this weekend if anyone’s interested
**Edit 3:**
telling her tmrow morning. sorry I can’t respond to everything. Thanks all for the support and to the people who are fantasizing about the position I was in, get it together. Some weirdos in this thread
**Edit 4: FINAL UPDATE.**
I did it. I told my girl the story and she was definitely in shock at first. She asked a lot of the stuff that people called out in the thread. She was surprised because she’s lesbian but understands that we were drinking and she could’ve just been curious. She never doubted me. She wasn’t behind it (as some people thought was a possibility. She def did not want a 3sum).
She’s not going to be friends with her. I told her it’s up to her if she wants to call her out and what she wants to say. She’s going to say something and end the friendship. She’s really hurt. A little quiet through it and needs some time to process. And I’ll just be here for her anyway I can
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqt9g8/my_girlfriends_lesbian_best_friend_grabbed_my_d/ | yqt9g8 | 3,269 | 7,920 | [
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2022-11-09T19:42:02 | OP has a Stalker that is Escalating their Behavior | ONGOING | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqt9vn/op_has_a_stalker_that_is_escalating_their_behavior/ | yqt9vn | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-09T19:50:18 | OP Has a Stalker | ONGOING | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqtie5/op_has_a_stalker/ | yqtie5 | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-09T20:20:31 | [OH] My HR Department Found My Indeed Profile | CONCLUDED | FlipDaly | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqudpi/oh_my_hr_department_found_my_indeed_profile/ | yqudpi | 0 | 1 | [
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|
2022-11-09T20:38:46 | My daughter made me cry for the first time in my life. | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yquvzd/my_daughter_made_me_cry_for_the_first_time_in_my/ | yquvzd | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-09T21:38:11 | (AAM) Someone filled the office freezer with 30+ cuts of meat (Concluded) | EXTERNAL | I am not the OP, this is a repost sub.
Spoiler: >!excessive amounts of meat!<
[First post (2/3/2020):](https://www.askamanager.org/2020/02/my-ex-husband-hired-his-new-girlfriend-office-freezer-is-packed-with-personal-groceries-and-more.html)
I work in an office with some big personalities, people prone to behave in slightly odd ways. I’m the office admin, so it’s up to me to clean up after people and manage shared spaces. Someone has now filled the freezer in the break room with cuts of meat and now I’m both annoyed and a bit baffled.
Literally like, 30-odd individually wrapped cuts of meat. It’s taking up the whole freezer. If anyone else wanted to put anything in the freezer today, they wouldn’t be able to. There is no work event coming up that these could be for and there is no oven or barbecue at the office that you could use cook these, so I believe they’re for personal use and are simply being stored here.
I don’t know exactly who did this or what exactly their plan is, but I’m wondering what the best way for me to react to this is. I’m hoping they’ll be gone on Monday, but if they’re not should I take a deep breath and hold my tongue until it’s gone? Bring my concern to the employee, once I find out who it was? Send out an email to all staff with an ultimatum to take their groceries home? Go to my manager?
**\*Note - this is question number three at the link. Alison's advice is at the same link\***
[Second post (12/15/2020):](https://www.askamanager.org/2020/12/update-someone-filled-the-office-freezer-with-30-cuts-of-meat.html)
I wrote in January about the day I went into work and found the freezer in the kitchen completely full of meat and wasn’t sure how to handle the situation. Some commenters guessed that it was a meat share between a few employees and they were correct. One of the handful of employees involved was very high up in the organization, so once I figured out who was responsible, I decided to tread lightly and just asked that they try to gradually bring it all home and have it out of the freezer within a month or two. This was what my manager recommended I do, since the people involved were all big personalities.
Well, the employees made no effort to empty the freezer and by the beginning of March, it was still completely full of meat. And that’s when our HR director, Craig, found out about the meat through a complaint from another employee (I hadn’t thought to mention it to him because I thought I had it under control, whoops), and reached out to the ringleader, Jack, asking him to please finally take his groceries home. Unfortunately, this also happened on the same day that I independently decided to follow up with Jack about please getting the meat out of there, and Jack took this as a coordinated attack.
Jack sent Craig an angry, scolding email about how Craig was totally out of line, trampling on his rights (???) and that it was extremely low and unprofessional of Craig to send his admin lackey after him. It was very strange response and Craig actually asked me to confirm that I also thought this was weird, because the strength and self-righteousness of Jack’s email threw him off.
Craig told me he would handle Meatgate going forward and to forget about it. As much as I do think that Jack was out of line, his behavior and sense of entitlement actually fits in pretty well with our workplace culture and there weren’t any consequences for his outburst. Eventually, the meat left the freezer and a week or two later, we switched to remote work because of COVID. Three weeks into working from home, Craig let us know that he had found a new, plush job and that he was leaving the organization. I hope he’s well and working with more normal people these days.
While my workplace isn’t really toxic (people are respectful of one another 99% of the time, and the organization is generous to its employees), all of its professional boundaries are slightly off and there seems to be a sense of entitlement among the staff who have been here for a long time. This has turned the office into a weird twilight zone where the organization’s intentions are usually good, but all of its norms are warped and so there’s a lot of weird boundary crossing. While none of them are too serious on their own, they’re constant and they end up being exhausting. For example, for this year’s holiday charity drive, the organization will be matching our donations to the cause. Nice! Except the cause is a non-charitable organization that the CEO runs.
And no, I won’t be donating.
\*For a fun game - how many red flags can you find about the OOP's company in this story?\* | mcgriff4hall | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqwcs1/aam_someone_filled_the_office_freezer_with_30/ | yqwcs1 | 4,712 | 4,909 | [
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2022-11-09T21:41:22 | OOP’s wife has a threesome without him | ONGOING | [removed] | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqwfk9/oops_wife_has_a_threesome_without_him/ | yqwfk9 | 9 | 0 | [
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2022-11-09T23:52:12 | relationship advice | ONGOING | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqzjfi/relationship_advice/ | yqzjfi | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-10T00:07:09 | Engagement ring saves OP a lifetime of misery | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yqzvnf/engagement_ring_saves_op_a_lifetime_of_misery/ | yqzvnf | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-10T01:09:57 | OOP is unhappy with her engagement ring, but it's never about the ring | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yr19ah/oop_is_unhappy_with_her_engagement_ring_but_its/ | yr19ah | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-10T07:29:36 | Today: -CPI data at 1:30pm GMT -SOL unlock in 90 minutes -Bounce from the low looking corrective -SPX being rejected from resistance and DXY bouncing from support Capitulation wave incoming. | NEW UPDATE | [removed] | upstockking | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yr8cdk/today_cpi_data_at_130pm_gmt_sol_unlock_in_90/ | yr8cdk | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-10T11:09:52 | I've found out why my husband hides his best friend from me, and I don't think there's anything I can do about it. | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yrbqly/ive_found_out_why_my_husband_hides_his_best/ | yrbqly | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-10T13:00:43 | OOP's cousin pulls a prank on his wife that almost ruins his marriage | INCONCLUSIVE | **I am not the OP. That is u/laysofancientrome. Original post was posted on r/relationship_advice**
*Sorry, if there are any formatting errors. This my first post here.*
trigger warning: >!emotional abuse!<
mood spoiler: >!infuriating at first, then sad but hopeful!<
[Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/y5ree8/me_f_30_my_cousin_m27_his_wife_f26_his_life/) *posted on October 16, 2022*
**Me (F 30) my cousin (M27) his wife (F26) his life imploded because of a prank. What shall I do?**
My cousin (he grew up with our family so he is more like my brother due to him being an orphan) used to be a prankster. some of his pranks are a bit much but we (me, my mother, my father, my sister, and my older brother) have always found the humor in his pranks. When he got older, he became more mature and the pranks pretty much stopped.
He got married two years to an angel of a woman. she has a heart of gold and a pure soul. six months ago I broke my foot and she became my nurse. I didn't ask for any help but she came to my house the day the hospital discharged me and ordered me to eat and watch Netflix while she took care of me and the house. Bottom line is, the girl is awesome!
On to the issue at hand. As I said in the beginning, my cousin used to be a prankster but stopped around 6 years ago. But for some reason, he decided to prank his wife ( let's call her Aliya) with the ''24-hour ignoring your partner'' prank. Before I go on. Aliya had a terrible first marriage where her ex used silent treatment and basically controlled her. She told me that she used to cry and beg him to talk to her (she's a people pleaser and hates the idea of someone angry at her, she is in therapy for that)
My cousin knows all about that, but for some idiotic reason, he decided to prank her. According to my cousin, he ignored her for like 5 hours before she contacted my in tears saying that my cousin won't talk to her and he left the house and he was not answering her calls and that she doesn't know what she did.
I came to their house and called him. He answered and I asked him what is going on. He asked what I meant. I explained to him what Aliya said and he laughed and said he was coming. I knew instantly it was a prank and a very stupid one. He came home and was laughing saying it was a prank. But his laughter died immediately when he saw the look on her face. she was beyond hurt and the more he said '' I'm sorry baby it was a prank'' the more she turned her face away from him.
After 20 minutes of him saying different variations of ''I'm sorry'' and her not saying a single word, she stood up, backed a bag, and left the house. Now it is my cousin's turn to be a crying mess, calling 30 times and messaging her God knows how much, and her ignoring his existence. the difference is, this is not a prank!
I'm there for her and I've tried to not say anything about my cousin's mental state, so that I don't influence her decision (he's severely depressed and I'm genuinely worried about him) But I really don't want them to get a divorce. What can I do? how can I fix this?
How can I be there for my cousin ( I made it clear to him that what he did was beyond F up and maybe it was our fault for enabling his careless behavior when he was a teenager, and how disappointed we are in him right now) but as I said, he's more than a cousin to me and I cannot just stop loving him. All of this happened a week ago.
What can I do? sometimes I feel like '' F it! it ain't my problem'' But I find myself checking on my cousin to make sure he eats and sleeps.
[Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/user/laysofancientrome/comments/y7axfw/update_me_f_30_my_cousin_m27_his_wife_f26_his/) *posted on October 18, 2022*
**Update! Me (F 30) my cousin (M27) his wife (F26) his life imploded because of a prank. What shall I do?**
Hi guys!
the moderators keep removed my post (go check my profile for the full story) but I thought you guys deserved an update since your responses were insightful and very helpful, so thank you for that. So I'll post it on my profile
I have a semi-conclusion to this story but my father was doing surgery so I waited till everything was ok with him, and it is, thank God!
On to the update! I told my cousin that if he was going to visit my father, he needed to not make a scene and approach Aliya and try to talk to her (she called me telling me that she was coming to visit my father, and I told her she didn't need to come, but she insisted) he promised me he won't talk to her and that he'll wait in the café with my older brother (my father is the only one who doesn't know about the incident, we kept it to ourselves till the surgery and the recovery was done)
Aliya came and when without a hint of a problem. When dad was resting, I took my cousin to a nearby café and pretty much interrogated him. what you guys said about him using this as a punishment stuck with me especially when he didn't do any pranks for 6 years! Even when he used to do pranks, they were more annoying physically than psychologically, like throwing water when you least suspected. pulling the chair under you.
I asked him: you stopped 6 years ago and all of a sudden you do this? and to her of all people, knowing her trauma?
Before I go, I need to explain something, some comments thought that Aliya was exaggerating with her reaction. He was ignoring her whiles he was at home. One-word answer and generally being very cold to her. and when she called me was when he left the house and didn't answer her.
The people who said that there is something behind his behavior were right. He was upset that she was spending way more time at her father's house (he's physically disabled and has a male nurse that takes care of him, but Aliya handles all her father's financial duties since her mother died.
I asked him: you knew about her situation before you guys got married? She told you everything, Hell I told you everything (I was the one introducing her to him)
he said: I know, but I couldn't shake the feeling of being left one more time by someone that I love.
I asked him: what do you mean by one more time?
He lowered his head and said in a voice almost ashamed: I always felt that mama (he calls my mother mama) preferred you guys (me and my siblings) over me.
I saw red and I'm not proud of this, but I started to be really angry, and I wanted to slap him.
His bio-mother (my aunt) was my mother's younger sister. According to my father ( I was like 5) my mother when into severe depression and the only thing that she could hold on to was my father, us, and him. She raised him and so did my father. I didn't know he wasn't my bio-brother but my cousin at the age of 16 for God's sake. That is how tight we were. And for him to say that devastated me and filled me with anger I didn't know I had. I was so close to slapping him when I saw he was crying really hard.
He said: I know it sounds crazy and I'm sorry, but this is how I felt all my life.
I didn't say anything, I just stood up and said: you are going to therapy, and if refuse then lose my number.
He just nodded and asked: what about Aliya?
I said: you'll leave her alone. And whatever she decides you'll go along with it.
He nodded again whiles crying. we when back to my father's room and I left the hospital.
I'm angry and heartbroken. I don't know what is like to be an orphan, so I'll never pretend to understand him. But I swear to the Lord Almighty we did everything so that he'll never feel left out. what Shall I do now?
As for Aliya, I told her that she'll always find a friend and a sister in me and my other sister, no matter what she decides
So, there it is! I'm more confused than before. Tell me, what would you do?
[Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ykyauh/final_update_me_f_30_my_cousin_m27_his_wife_f26/) *posted on November 3, 2022*
**Final update! Me (F 30) my cousin (M27) his wife (F26) his life imploded because of a prank. What shall I do?**
Hi guys!
I really hope that the moderators don't remove this post. This will be my final update. My cousin is in therapy. He and his wife decided to have a temporarily separation for 6 months. During these 6 months he'll continue his individual therapy and he and Aliya will have one day every week where they'll go for walks and talk openly and honesty about everything. Aliya suggested couples counseling as well, my cousin agreed to it.
That's it! No one knows what will happens after these 6 months but at least everyone is trying to heal.
Thank you soo much for everyone that commented and gave my advice! And to those wonderful people who messaged me privately and wished me and my family well, I thank you.
**The OP has since removed her posts. So it's unlikely that we'll get anymore updates.**
**Again, I am not the OP.** | Shelly_895 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yre8uv/oops_cousin_pulls_a_prank_on_his_wife_that_almost/ | yre8uv | 8,893 | 5,392 | [
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2022-11-10T13:14:09 | $BTC looking bearish on very low timeframe too CPI in 45m. Expecting a quick scam pump darth maul style, then ultimate capitulation to 14k (with potential wick to 13000s) | CONCLUDED | [removed] | upstockking | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yrelfx/btc_looking_bearish_on_very_low_timeframe_too_cpi/ | yrelfx | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-10T15:54:00 | I want to spend Christmas at home | REPOST | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yrj3l4/i_want_to_spend_christmas_at_home/ | yrj3l4 | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-10T16:03:43 | How can I (22F) make my husband (37M) understand (it was a marriage of convenience) that I really love him? | REPOST | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwraneverland in r/relationship_advice**
trigger warnings: >!child abuse, threats!<
---
&nbsp;
[**How can I (22F) make my husband (37M) understand (it was a marriage of convenience) that I really love him?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/lr19a1/how_can_i_22f_make_my_husband_37m_understand_it/) - 24 February 2021
We got married almost four years ago because it was the only way for me to be safe, my father was an abusive and extremely conservative man, he raised me by himself and made my childhood a nightmare, he was sick in the head, he was very religious, he was interested in a religion and culture that were not even ours and that made him change completely, he didn't want me to have any kind of relationship with boys, that's why I was homeschooled.
But when I was almost 19 I tried to escape from home and when he realized he did horrible things to me, that's when I met my now husband, he is a lawyer and he was our neighbor so he tried to help me and thanks to him I was able to go to college and have a safe place to live, but that didn't last long because soon my father found out where I lived and he and his friends (who practice the same religion as him) began to threaten my husband and me, and being honest the laws in my country are useless, all I could do was get a restraining order but every time he violated that order, nobody did anything, not even the police but what could they do? My father has really important friends and thanks to their power they always saved him. So I ended up getting married so I could move to my husband's country and be safe.
In all these years he never took advantage of me, he always treated me as if he were my tutor, he always encouraged me to go to college and get a good job so that I could be independent, and in a certain way now I am, I'll turn 23 this month, I graduated and I have a very well paid job that I got myself, a job with which I could rent an apartment and finally move out of his house, but I don't wanna do that, I want to be his wife I mean his real wife, and he knows it because a few days ago we had sex for the first time and I told him I loved him but he said that is not true, that I'm really young and that I only say that I love him because he helped me in the past and because he was the first man I slept with. But that's not true, I thank him for everything he did for me but I didn't fall in love with him because of that, I love him because in these years I got to know him better and I fell in love with everything about him, he is the sweetest, kindest, funniest, smartest and beautiful man I have ever met.
We talked a lot about it and he told me that he loves me too but that nothing will ever happen between us because of our ages, that it was best to forget what happened, but I don't want that, how can I let him know that I really love him and that I want to try to make this marriage really work?
&nbsp;
[**Update: How can I (22F) make my husband (37M) understand (it was a marriage of convenience) that I really love him?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qqf5yo/update_how_can_i_22f_make_my_husband_37m/) - 9 November 2021
Some of you messaged me to post an update and I thought it was the right time to do so, so here I am.
After my post my husband (38M) and I (23F) talked a lot about our future. He told me to move out and try to live my life without him so that I could experience being independent for once, but I didn't want to. I told him that I was happy with the life I had with him, and that I wanted our marriage to work. So after long talks (we literally spent weeks talking about it, he's not very easy to convince haha) we decided to give it a try, and it worked really well.
I started going to therapy, because I knew I had a few wounds from the past that needed to heal, and it was the best decision I made in my whole life (so thanks to everyone who told me I should go to therapy, it was the best advice I read). A few months after making the decision to make our marriage work I got pregnant and therapy was what helped me the most at that time, because to be honest when I found out it was not a happy moment. I was scared of being a horrible parent like mine, and if it hadn't been for therapy I don't know if I would have understood that I am not them, and that my daughter will be safe with me and her dad because we both love her and we will protect her from everything we can.
Also quarantine made everything easier because we spent the whole day together and it was definitely a great help in making our relationship stronger. I really liked spending those months alone the two of us because despite the little arguments (not everything is perfect as it seems) I've fallen in love with him even more, and I'm one hundred percent sure that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. And I know I don't love him for what he did for me in the past, I'll always be grateful for that, but I don't love him for that. I love him because he is always trying to make me laugh with silly jokes, because he is the sweetest and kindest man I have ever met, I love him because he is selfless, and because he always listens to me even when I know he had a long and exhausting day, he is always there for me. But what makes me love him the most is seeing him so excited for our baby, knowing that soon we will be a family (the family I always dreamed of) melts my heart. So things are definitely better now and I couldn't ask for someone better to spend the rest of my life with.
Thanks to all the people who messaged me and gave me amazing advice, I appreciate it with all my heart because those advice really helped me. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yrje7k/how_can_i_22f_make_my_husband_37m_understand_it/ | yrje7k | 5,844 | 11,641 | [
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2022-11-10T16:13:58 | AITA for ALMOST throwing away my stepson's pillowcase? | CONCLUDED | [removed] | DonJuanTriunfante | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yrjpck/aita_for_almost_throwing_away_my_stepsons/ | yrjpck | 9 | 3 | [
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2022-11-10T16:33:07 | OOP's daughter breaks her heart | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yrka22/oops_daughter_breaks_her_heart/ | yrka22 | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-10T16:33:56 | More updates on the guy whose step-daughter stole from his son | Suspected Fake | More updates to the ongoing saga. **You can read the previous updates in my BORU post**, which includes the beginning posts up to his comments on October 16, [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y5im7u/a_good_conclusion_for_the_guy_whose_wife_lied_to/).
**Tldr**\- OOP's stepdaughter stole from his son. She and her mother (OOP's now ex) have continuously screwed OOP and his son over, including by fraudulently using his credit card, breaking the lease and taking most of the things in the apartment, leaving them almost destitute and badmouthing him on social media. Last we heard, things were looking up. OOP and his son were able to move into an apartment and keep their pets, and OOP was pressing charges. He also is filing for divorce.
**I am not OOP. OOP continues to be** [u/AITA\_2191](https://www.reddit.com/user/AITA_2191/). They have posted in a variety of reddit communities. The ones from today are on r/pettyrevenge, r/AITA and r/TrueOffMyChest.
Mood Spoiler: >!things looked up for a brief moment. Then they got bad again. This will probably piss you off.!<
**The Good** [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge/comments/ycwyjb/update_sure_ill_pick_up_your_sephora_package/)**: October 25, 2022**
I gave her and her mother multiple chances to come clean and make it right. She thought she would get away with stealing hundreds of dollars from my son and I, and she almost did. I was about to be held responsible for her maxing out my emergency credit card because I donated the “stolen” goods therefore inadvertently taking ownership of it. Except she got greedy.and opened 3 credit cards in my name and maxed each of them out the past few months.
I was told she would be arrested sometime this week but was surprised that it happened tonight! I don’t know the details surrounding how it went down all I know is she is sitting in a Nevada jail on identity theft/theft charges. She isn’t getting away with it and her mother isn’t going to be able to get her out of this.
And speaking of her mother, on Friday I officially filed for divorce! I’m hoping an uncontested divorce will be quick because I’m not fighting and I want nothing from her. My son & I are in our new apartment starting over from scratch. J gets to finish his senior year with all of his friends. This nightmare is wrapping up.
With a police report and an arrest the credit card companies have to reimburse me which I hope is quick because we are sharing our last pack of ramen and last roll of TP BUT justice will be done. It’s time to mourn and move on.
TL:DR; Hallelujah K got arrested!! Little Miss is finally getting what she deserves.
**Things get sad: (recovered with** [Unddit](https://www.unddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yjrury/wibta_for_ruining_a_19_year_olds_life/iupxo0r/)**) November 1, 2022**
I've posted a lot over this situation but today I got some information that has me second guessing so I’m here to ask reddit. A brief recap is that my ex step daughter stole hundreds of dollars from my son. My ex wife refused to make her pay him back & lied to the police about it so it became a civil matter. After my emergency card was denied getting gas I found out K also used my card for hundreds of dollars.
When I confronted K & my ex I was ignored & blocked. I made a mistake by donating the things she had bought with my card inadvertently taking ownership of it bc the store wasn’t going to refund me. At this point she was going to get away with everything she had stolen from my son & I. K opened up 3 credit cards in my name with her as a “joint account” the past few months. She maxed each card out over $5,000. I was able to file a police report & last week she was arrested on identity theft/ credit card fraud. I am getting nothing but hate for having her arrested.
Today I had a meeting with a prosecutor who damn near scolded me for not “working it out” outside of court. He told me with the amounts it was a guaranteed felony. He lectured me on how she would be a felon for life. He then asked me if I would be willing to drop it & let her pay me monthly restitution. I told him I tried that option already, the credit card companies weren’t going to reimburse me without a conviction of fraud, & that neither her or her mom have shown any interest in repaying me. I also asked how much the monthly payment would be & he said he wasn’t 100% sure, probably a few $100 but it goes off of her income. K is unemployed & has never had a job at 19.
The credit card debt is over $15,000, it will take YEARS for her to repay me. My credit is frozen. I can’t get a loan to literally save my life. My ex & her family have not once tried to make anything right on her behalf & only enabled her so I don’t believe they would hold her accountable. No one cared when we were homeless. No one said anything when I asked for help. Why am I being persuaded to “spare her” when what she did was criminal? 19 is not a child.
He told me he would give me a day to think about it. WIBTA if I went through with the charges?
*Relevant comment: someone says he's obviously the victim and it's absurd others think otherwise*
"I swear people in my life do not see this & think the same for my son"
**The Latest (and saddest)** [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ykum3i/i_feel_so_dehumanized_i_dont_understand/)**: November 3**
The past few months have sucked but today sucked even more. I was damn near scolded by a prosecutor for following identity theft charges on my ex step daughter. He told me I’d be ruining her life at 19 and that I should have tried to “work it out” with her. Despite me telling him I gave her and her mother time & options, all they did was ignore me and put me in a bigger hold. It seems like everyone in my real life seems to think I’m the bad guy and refuse to help my son and I. So when I received a message from a redditor offering to send me groceries I said yes. Before my son went to work he said “I sure wish we had something fresh to eat than pumpkin pizza”. Which is his not so subtle way of saying he is tired of the free pizzas from work.
The redditor seemed sincere. I did tell him/her what we are allergic to and minor food preferences not wanting to sound like a choosy beggar. I was kind of excited, I even texted my son saying we might have something green for dinner! About two hours later I get a knock on my door and it’s instacart holding 4 bags of groceries. I swear it felt like Christmas.
Before I went through the bags I sent a thank you message and was sent a meme troll of “u maaadd bro?”. I then went through the bags and this person sent everything I said we were either allergic to or couldn’t eat. I don't think I can add a picture but this might be the cruelest thing anyone's ever done outside of my ex & K. I was blocked by the user and honestly just pissed.
I was an idiot and gave out my address to a person on the internet who didn't have good intentions. My son got home and started looking through the bags and said “why would someone do this?”. It was my f\*ck up kid. If anyone in Nevada area needs 8 packages of bologna, canned beets, and 4 large jars of peanut butter, I’ll drop it off.
TL:DR; I gave out my address to someone who wasted their money just to maliciously troll me.
*Comment- someone offers their condolences (and outrage) and says things won't always be this bad:*
As pathetic as it is, I'm honestly losing hope.
The fact someone spent $ just to fuck with me is another level of troll. I guess that's what I get for "crying on reddit".
IDK.
Thank you
**Edit: I found this comment today after I had posted this. He wrote it on a previous post but it was written three days ago. I have mods approval to add to this post:**
Thank you. No way in hell am I dropping the charges.
**Edit 2:** Someone in the comments ([**leeseedee**](https://www.reddit.com/user/leeseedee/)) has pointed out a few things that don't quite seem to add up about this. The one thing I will say is that OOP *did* thank the person who helped them keep some of the pets. Both verified that they helped on the last BORU post. However, there are some other good points. Ultimately it is your call, but I was asked to include this. [https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yrkazi/more\_updates\_on\_the\_guy\_whose\_stepdaughter\_stole/ivuywsb/?context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yrkazi/more_updates_on_the_guy_whose_stepdaughter_stole/ivuywsb/?context=3)
And one more:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yrkazi/comment/ivu6teg/?utm\_source=reddit&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yrkazi/comment/ivu6teg/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
**Edit 3:** From OOP in these comments
Wow I'm sure this comment will get deleted, removed, or not seen. **I was right**
I never once said I live in Las Vegas. NEVER.
Two, the charity who paid for my pet deposits DID NOT cover all of them like the comments said until I had them clarify it. The charity received multiple donations from just their comment saying they helped me. **I sent them the "pet tax". I'm not an asshole.**
I never asked for anything and I never thought I'd have to defend myself to a bunch of strangers.
I vent. I didn't ask for this to be posted & reposted. I'm not asking for a fucking thing in any of my posts so if YOU think I am, that is your opinion.
The trolls win today.
**Funny I can't respond to any comments or answer any questions.** ***Convenient***\*\*. Enjoy the fake reddit karma and awards.\*\* | LucyAriaRose | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yrkazi/more_updates_on_the_guy_whose_stepdaughter_stole/ | yrkazi | 9,727 | 4,643 | [
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2022-11-10T17:03:04 | OOP "pranks" his wife and nearly ends his marriage | CONCLUDED | [removed] | Trouble_in_Mind | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yrl6an/oop_pranks_his_wife_and_nearly_ends_his_marriage/ | yrl6an | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-10T17:17:00 | How do I make my toddler afraid of someone? | REPOST | **I am not OP.**
Posted by u/throwaway321483284 on r/Advice
TW: >!Mention of SA and stalking!<
&#x200B;
[**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/kdvg78/how_do_i_make_my_toddler_afraid_of_someone/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb) _- December 16, 2020_
*Throwaway to protect myself.*
By the title, this probably sounds bad. It isn't, I promise you.
A little background: I was raped when I was 17 and I became pregnant. My rapist has stalked me since he found out I was pregnant. My daughter is 2 1/2 now and we have had to move four times since she was born to stay away from him.
I have an active restraining order against him, but it hasn't stopped him once and the police have not been very diligent. In their eyes he is just trying to see his daughter and they turn a blind eye, despite them being called multiple times because mine and my daughters lives were in danger after he broke into my home. Yes, this has happened more than once.
I work a full time job to ensure my daughter and I have a place to live and because I have no help from family, my daughter goes to daycare. The daycare is fully aware of the active restraining order and have a photo of him on file. He showed up to her daycare last week and I have been too afraid to send her back this week and have taken off work, but if I want to pay my rent next month, I have to go back to work tomorrow.
I trust my daycare. They recognized him immediately, called the police (who didn't do anything because he wasn't on the premises when they arrived), and then called me. So I know deep down that I can trust these people to protect my child and alert me if he shows up again, but I am still so scared.
I don't know if this is the right thing to do, but I want my daughter to recognize him and be afraid of him. I want her to know to make noise and yell, scream, and cry if he is around so that hopefully if something were to happen, somebody would notice that something is wrong.
How can I go about doing this? Is this the right thing to do?
*EDIT*
I have gotten some great advice. Thanks to many people who replied, I am working with an organization who is going to help move me far away possibly even before the end of this week. Thank you so so much.
&#x200B;
[**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/kn69sn/update_how_do_i_make_my_toddler_afraid_of_someone/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb) _- December 31, 2020_
Guys. First of all, thank you. I can't say that enough.
Thanks to so many of you who commented different organizations who could help my daughter and I, we are now safe.
I got in touch with a few organizations and one of them was able to get my daughter and I on a plane on Christmas Eve. I left our things, with the exception of whatever we could fit in two suitcases and left without saying a word. We arrived that night and some amazing people from the organization were there to pick us up and take us to housing.
We can stay here for up to 18 months, but I totally plan on getting on my feet before then. They have childcare, connections to lawyers, psychologists... Everything we need. They had an apartment ready for us, with a Christmas tree and everything. They had presents for my daughter to open on Christmas morning and even a couple for me as well.
We have now been here for 6 nights and for the first time since my daughter was born, I have had a full nights rest. I have talked to a lawyer who is helping me get an order of protection so that if we were ever found, I know I will be protected by the law.
I feel like I can do anything. I can go to school, I can get whatever job I want, I can spend time with my daughter without being in fear. This is such a blessing. I feel like I can live my life.
For the past 2 1/2 years, I have been stuck in the mindset that to protect my daughter and myself, I couldn't act young. It was work and home every. single. day. Getting to separate myself from my terrible situation made me realize that I can be a responsible mother for my daughter and be 20 years old. I get to enjoy being a young a parent. It doesn't have to be so scary.
So once again, thank you to everyone who helped. I wish I could hug every single one of you in person. I am eternally grateful.
And so I don't break any rules of the subreddit... Any advice for a young mom in a new city? | rainingsakuras | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yrlkdl/how_do_i_make_my_toddler_afraid_of_someone/ | yrlkdl | 4,373 | 10,932 | [
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2022-11-10T17:58:06 | AITA for calling the police on my fiance? | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yrmrgx/aita_for_calling_the_police_on_my_fiance/ | yrmrgx | 9 | 9 | [
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2022-11-10T18:05:59 | Repair shop put 9,000 miles on OOP's sister's car | ONGOING | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/tychobrahesmoose in r/legaladvice**
trigger warnings: >!theft?!<
---
&nbsp;
[**Sister was in an accident. The shop kept her car for way longer than expected and seems to have put somewhere between 6,000 and 9,000 miles on it in the 2 months they've had it.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/y6ijov/sister_was_in_an_accident_the_shop_kept_her_car/) - (17 Oct 2022)
There's some convoluted problems here with several groups involved that should have taken odometer readings throughout the towing repair process and then did not, but beyond the question of how we prove this happened, we're at a loss for who would care, or even what you'd call this. "Automotive fraud"?
This is of particular concern not because of the wear and tear but because the car is a lease and the extra mileage is going to cost $3-5k in service overages.
Looking for advice for how to pursue or even what to call this. Has anyone ever heard of this happening before?
&nbsp;
[**Update 1**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/y6ijov/sister_was_in_an_accident_the_shop_kept_her_car/) - (Edit to original post)
Thank you SO much for the insights and comments. I personally have learned a TON and you've given us a bunch of extra areas we can explore.
We're looking into pulling electronic records from the car, and we're going to be a bit more cavalier about involving her insurance company than we have been, since at the end of the day this is something they're almost certainly not "in on" and should care about happening at one of their auto shops. Also oh my God it's helpful to have the legal terminology for the different ways this might be prosecuted.
I'm going to follow up in this thread as we know more, and if we end up getting an actual "resolution" to this case, I promise I'll make a full update post.
You guys are awesome.
&nbsp;
[**Update 2**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/y6ijov/sister_was_in_an_accident_the_shop_kept_her_car/) - (Edit to original post)
WE GOT THE EVIDENCE! The shop un-lost the intake paperwork and it's clear as day. At intake, 15,296 miles. After getting it back, close to 25,000. Big step!
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[**Update 3**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/y6ijov/sister_was_in_an_accident_the_shop_kept_her_car/) - (Edit to original post)
THE PLOT THICKENS! On the advice of this sub, we took it in for a second inspection. The repairs had been made shottily, frames not fitting, exposed glue, etc. -- but the more interesting part is that they said the glove box seemed like it had been taken apart. Scratch marks all over, and the internal light not reinstalled. This is feeling like drug trafficking. Based on tracking the stories that were told to her by the car place, it sounds like this all may have happened across 3 weeks.
&nbsp;
[**Update 4**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/y6ijov/sister_was_in_an_accident_the_shop_kept_her_car/) - (Edit to original post)
Thanks, again, to advice from people in this thread, sis called up the Insurance Crime Bureau in our state, who were -to our surprise- very interested in this case and listened intently to everything she said. I can't properly express how helpful you all have been.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | PedanticPlatypodes | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yrn02k/repair_shop_put_9000_miles_on_oops_sisters_car/ | yrn02k | 3,342 | 6,500 | [
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2022-11-10T18:29:36 | Bad roommate lets alarm run for 20-40 minutes, hitting snooze EVERY DAY & doesn’t clean | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/rawrasaurusrexolini in r/badroommates**
---
&nbsp;
[**Bad roommate lets alarm run for 20-40 minutes instead of waking up and hitting snooze EVERY DAY, doesn’t clean like they said they would.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/badroommates/comments/khlciy/bad_roommate_lets_alarm_run_for_2040_minutes/) - Dec 20 2020
My carpet and furniture have been ripped up, urinated on,and crapped on by cats because she won’t correct the behaviors and take care of her litter boxes. Our house smells like cat urine and it’s fucking embarrassing.
My Tupperware went missing, and when I asked because she is the only one I’ve watched physically take it out of the house, she lied and says she’s never left with it. Now, I am being sleep deprived because she can’t wake up long enough to turn off her loud ass alarm so it’s not interrupting people’s sleep.
I messaged on Thursday to all of our roommates stating we need to talk and since then she’s avoided us, and only after I messaged the roommates, she replaced the Tupperware and clean up her litter boxes. After over 3 weeks of not doing so. Because she wouldn’t buy temporary litter while her regular litter was on back order.
I’ve about had it with everything because I’ve bent over backwards for her in multiple instances and she’s basically shit on me.
&nbsp;
[**Kicking Out Roommate**](https://www.reddit.com/r/badroommates/comments/kmlaag/kicking_out_roommate/) - Dec 29 2021
I’ve since decided to give my roommate 60 days notice on Friday.
Last night, after over a week and a half of waiting for her to clean her underfilled litter box, I finally asked her to clean it because her cats were incessantly meowing, and finally decided to poop on the mat outside of the box.
I’ve been increasingly angry, and she is my friend, just not a very good roommate (or pet owner for that matter)
I’ve realized just how many things I’ve let go because she is a very kind person, but once I really looked at the full picture, and realized she was avoiding a full conversation with everyone who lives in our house, I came to the conclusion it’s time to ask her to leave.
Does anyone have any advice for preserving the friendship post move out and preventing her from feeling like this is an attack of her character?
&nbsp;
[**Final Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/badroommates/comments/kouoqf/final_update_bad_roommate_lets_alarm_run_for_40/) - Jan 2 2021
I don’t know how many saw my original post or my update to that post, but here is one final update:
We had a conversation about everything and I ended up asking her to move. She took it as well as anyone could take that situation although she did express her disappointment with how things are ending.
Our conversation was very productive and I’m going to help her in finding her own place without roommates, because one of our discussions was that she doesn’t really see how much she lets go due to her mental health. She took a lot of accountability for things and apologized for everything.
She promised she would do her best to take care of things until she moves and I promised that we’d still spend time together.
Thankfully this wasn’t a nightmare ending, albeit bittersweet. To everyone who gave me words of encouragement, thank you! To those of you who made me laugh, thank you!
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | bigbluesandwich | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yrnlyf/bad_roommate_lets_alarm_run_for_2040_minutes/ | yrnlyf | 3,397 | 3,144 | [
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2022-11-10T18:37:59 | My husband is the worst sexual partner I've ever had... (Repost + Final Update) | CONCLUDED | I am NOT OP. Original post from [r/TrueOffMyChest](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/) by [u/Rare-Refuse-725](https://www.reddit.com/u/Rare-Refuse-725/)
*Spoiler alert:* >!They break up + hitherto undisclosed substance abuse issues!<
[Original post (01.07.2022)](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/vp0wzk/my_husband_is_the_worst_sexual_partner_ive_ever/) and [Original BoRU (21.07.2022)](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/w47dqi/my_husband_is_the_worst_sexual_partner_ive_ever/)
Been together a few years, we had sex before marriage so this wasn't a surprise. I'm not really upset by it because I really love him, just felt like getting it out in the open. He has gotten me to climax before, but I'd say its a 1:15 ratio on when he climaxes to when I do. He tries to give oral but it's just... bad, it feels awkward and it actually gets me out of the mood more than into it. The only dirty talk he uses are reused lines from porn like "have you been naughty?" Foreplay is over in less than 5 minutes. I've brought these things up numerous times, I've spent the money on toys, lingerie, things to make us both feel sexy and explore kinks. I've tried to gently guide him during sex to what I might like. But even with it all I could predict with 95% accuracy the exact steps he will take when having sex, every time.
Still love him, we have equal sex drives so it's not an issue of compatibility, I just help myself when it inevitably happens.
&#x200B;
[From the comments:](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/vp0wzk/comment/iegaooo/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) I've tried to have a direct conversation about it multiple times, mentioning how it would be better if foreplay was longer, maybe stop using the word "naughty". But he gets very hurt by the comments and then will stop having sex because "he feels to much pressure to perform." The hiatus only ends when I stop giving suggestions for a week and we just get back to the same-old.
It's immature of him, I get that, but I guess having any sex is better than having a husband pissy around the house because he's sexually frustrated.
*In the comments, people suggested sex therapy, a number of books and positive reinforcement as strategies of improvement.*
&#x200B;
[First Update (21.07.2022)](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/w45wfv/update_my_husband_is_the_worst_sexual_partner_ive/)
It's been a few weeks and I took everyone's advice. I kept trying more positive reinforcement during sex like some suggested, I tried being even more vocal in guiding, I didn't cave anymore when he started getting pissy that "it now feels like a chore." He seemed to be getting more frustrated, so I kept asking questions. He said the vibrator made him feel emasculated, and I asked him to clarify. He kept saying "I wish we could go back to how sex was when we were first dating, it wasn't all this work."
My heart kind of broke because I felt that he had no interest in my pleasure, I felt like a flesh light to mark off his check list. So I told him we need to have "the talk." I've made my mistakes in the past, I faked orgasms, I haven't done it in awhile because I realized it did nothing to help, but I realized it gave him rose colored glasses about our early sex life. I told him that I wanted to see a sex therapist. Then came a lot of excuses. "Well that's just wasted money" "there's probably a book that will tell us everything we need to know" "they're just going to lecture me that I need to be a better lover" "I just need to get into shape and that will help my stamina." I told him it has nothing to do with his stamina, the issue is that Im not able to give any honest feedback without him getting frustrated. Anything different from the norm resulted in him being frustrated. So if i can't give feedback then the discussion will have to go through a therapist.
The next part surprised me. He kind of had a come to Jesus moment. I think he realized the sex was never great for me. We talked and cried for awhile. I told him that I felt like he had no interest in my pleasure and how isolating it felt when he would climax and he would get up to leave. I asked how he would feel if I climaxed first and just left him to deal with himself and I think he realized what a bummer that is. I told him that the disregard for intimacy has made me feel like we haven't been able to be as close as a couple as we should be. He took it in, I think it really shook him when I told him sometimes I would beg him to put it in because I was so uncomfortable with the way he went about sex. I wasn't trying to hurt him. But I felt like he kept referring to when times were better and I had to be honest and let him know that the sex was never great.
We talked about how we can do better, he became very open to the idea of talking to a sex therapist. So, I'm really hopeful. I was misguided to let myself be unhappy for so long. I think it was unfair to him, me, and our relationship. I'm going to try and do better about being gentle, yet vocal, and try not to back down if he gets pissy. It's probably best to discuss why he is getting pissy, and that my feedback isn't a diss but that sex is a process and the process should be fun, so we both need to be open to receiving feedback.
Edit: I've had a few people ask me why I would fake orgasms. When me and my husband first started dating we were pretty open and he told me how one of his exes asked that he always helps her climax and he told me how much he hated it and how awful he found the experience. That's why I started faking it, because any suggestions or longer than usual bad sex in an effort to get me to climax resulted in him geting upset. I didnt know how to deal with him getting frustrated but I also couldnt deal with 30 minutes of dry pumping, because as some women knows, it hurts. That only lasted about a month. Once I stopped he didn't seem to care that I no longer seemed to be getting pleasure from the activity and I was too nervous to deal with his frustration to bring it up. Not my best moment.
&#x200B;
[From the comments:](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/w45wfv/comment/ih1ysk9/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) Personally, it got this far because my partner is great in so many other areas that I felt close to him and it wasn't until later that I realized our relationship is not as deep as it could be. He might get pissy taking feedback, but when I get overwhelmed by noises he knows tapping soothes me and he'll tap along on my arm. He might suck at cunnilingus, but I came home one day during the pandemic and he made a little home bar in our small apartment and bought scotches and dark chocolate because he knew I missed going out on tasting dates.
He is a great guy but he has some ego issues. Nobody wants to start a relationship harping on the person and you hope that maybe your guy will just take some time to learn what you like, so you go along with the bad sex. But one day you realize it's been years and you feel resentful or apathetic that he never seemed willing to learn what you like and it's become a barrier to discovering true intimacy. But like anything, you can't fix what you don't think is wrong. And it required me having to create some hurt feelings in the pursute of being truthful for him to see what was wrong. And I think when I was able to convey that this discussion wasn't me trying to be hurtful, and it wasn't me trying to denounce the pleasure he got from sex before, but that we were missing an opportunity to become a better couple that he started listening.
I don't know exactly how it will go, I'm sure there are still going to be some hurt feelings in the future. But at least he seems open to making it a better experience for both of us.
&#x200B;
[Second Update (16.09.2022)](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/xfw2wj/update_ii_my_husband_is_the_worst_sexual_partner/)
The previous stories are on my profile, but I've had a few people still reaching out for updates so I thought I should update if/when anything major happened.
Well the skinny of it is that I'm planning on telling him that I want a divorce. He bought that book "She comes first" that multiple commenters recommended and the sex actually got a lot better! I was ecstatic!
But as some users pointed out there has been some theme in our marriage that my feelings were not really being considered in other areas of our lives. His substance abuse has been consistently bad throughout the marriage and I've tried to help, offer help, and offered to pay for therapy for years, and I was brushed off everytime. I've realized I can't have kids with this man (none yet, but want them someday). I've tried for years to be better for him and try and help him get better, but I've been disappointed at every turn. He is a great guy, but his demons make him a less than ideal partner and I don't think I have the energy to hold him above water while I'm drowning.
Sorry to everyone that was very hopeful for the relationship, I was too and I am devastated. To those going through sexual issues in their relationship I would recommend reading "she comes first" because it did seem to help! | Corfiz74 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yrnt6l/my_husband_is_the_worst_sexual_partner_ive_ever/ | yrnt6l | 9,317 | 6,487 | [
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2022-11-10T19:13:52 | I think our different upbringings is putting our relationship on halt. | ONGOING | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yrotel/i_think_our_different_upbringings_is_putting_our/ | yrotel | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-10T19:14:34 | Different cultures and different upbringings | ONGOING | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yrou61/different_cultures_and_different_upbringings/ | yrou61 | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-10T19:30:39 | I got detention for not “liking” the disabled kid. | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/jackfruituseful2191 in r/trueoffmychest**
---
&nbsp;
[**I got detention for not “liking” the disabled kid.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yjg43h/i_got_detention_for_not_liking_the_disabled_kid/) - 1 November 2022
I know the title is gonna make me seem like a bad person but please hear me out. So I, (F15) am in high-school. There is a boy in my year, lets call him Kyle. Kyle (M15) has severe autism. He can’t be in public spaces for a long time without a meltdown, can’t make eye contact, struggles with social cues, etc. Also to preface, I am not ableist, I will never ever dislike someone just because they’re autistic.
So anyway, me and Kyle are in the same math class (I didnt choose math, in the UK in high-school you have to do maths and English the whole time) and we sit next to each other, with his assistant teacher near him too in case he needs help. Kyle had, for whatever reason, taken a liking to me. I was willing to be friends with him. But ONLY friends. He isn’t a bad person, and I’m sure he would be a great boyfriend. However, I’m a lesbian. I also have a girlfriend of nearly two years (1yr 10months now). So, I am not attracted to men in any way, and obviously Kyle is a guy.
So about how I got the detention;
Just after class time, Kyle decided it would be a good time to ‘confess’ to me, as in basically ask me to be his girlfriend. His assistant teacher was right next to him, so I had to watch my words. I politely declined, saying I wasn’t interested in relationships right now. The reason I didn’t just say I’m a lesbian or I have a gf is because 1. people in my school are pretty homophobic so I prefer to keep it secret to avoid bullying, and 2. my family’s kinda homophobic too, so I don’t want them to find out by some chance (they don’t know me and my gf are dating).
After I politely declined, Kyle was very mad. He almost got violent. I understand his frustration, however I’m obviously not going to date him. His assistant teacher pulled me aside and asked if I’d “just go along with it for his sake”, to which I told her I’m not comfortable with it. To cut a long story short she ended up telling my head of year and the pastoral leader, and they gave me a detention for - get this - “bullying”.
HOW did I bully this kid? I was perfectly fine with him until this. He wont talk to me anymore though, which is odd. Was I supposed to just accept his date invite just because he’s autistic? I’m sorry but that seems completely unfair to me. I hope you don’t all think im some horrible ableist person for this I just had to get it out. I still strongly believe I didn’t deserve to be punished for not wanting to date him and I’m really mad at the way my school handled it.
**EDIT:**
Thank you guys so much for all the love and support. Clearly you’re all as frustrated as I was lol. It’s now the next day and I have told my parents about this, I actually told them as soon as I got in from detention (couldn’t text them bc no phones allowed in school). They are just as mad at this situation as I am and they are going to meet with a member of the school team to discuss it tomorrow and I’m going with them. I’ll post another update tomorrow if anything happens, wish me luck…!
**EDIT 2:**
Well the meeting went well.. my parents were livid and they demanded that they take the detention off my record. So they did, and now the headteacher had a talk with the TA and gave her a verbal warning. I don’t think she will get fired but I hope she does. I think that’s the end of it and the school are never gonna do that again or we’ll take it further. Thank you all for your support again <3
**EDIT 3:**
Welp! I’ve made it! I actually got put in one of those reddit videos on tiktok with subway surfers in the background lol. [sentence removed due to request of BORU mod] I feel famous now
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yrpany/i_got_detention_for_not_liking_the_disabled_kid/ | yrpany | 3,957 | 8,632 | [
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2022-11-10T19:54:27 | OOP wants to share her happiness as she's finally able to leave her cheating husband. | ONGOING | I'm not the OOP. This was posted by a deleted user in r/trueoffmychest.
[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/xvnjcp/i_want_to_share_my_happiness_with_you_i_landed_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
**I want to share my happiness with you. I landed my dream job and apartment and I can finally leave my cheating husband**
Husband 39 and I 35 met 10 years ago. He was up until last year the love of my life. He was my rock and I his. We shared the same interests, humor and views. We also were childfree.
I owned a little sandwich shop that was fairly popular near huge office buildings. I loved my job and I was so content. I made good living. My husband is an engineer.
When covid hit and people started working from home, my business went down pretty quickly and by the fall of 2020 I had to close for good. I still did some catering gigs but not near enough to have a decent source of income. My husband said that I shouldn’t be worried because he could support both of us. I went back to college, HR management, a 3 years program.
Around the same time as all that happened my husband confessed to me that he might have changed his mind about being childfree, something that I had noticed before he confessed. I loved my husband very much and I had started noticing him around friends and family members who have small children (he was so adorable) and to be honest without my very hectic job I also started thinking the same.
We had our son November last year. The best thing that ever happened to me, but just 3 weeks after I gave birth my husband came to me and confessed that he cheated on me. It felt like the ground opened from under me. How could that be possible? He was my love and I was his… wasn’t I? He apologized and tried to blame it on the pandemic, on being bored at home on being scared to be a father on “midlife crisis”. He loved me and he didn’t want to lose me. I felt so trapped with a small baby that needed me, no job and no place to go. Good job hubby, you sure knew when to deliver this blow! A week later he asked me what I thought about opening the marriage. Humans aren’t meant to stay monogamous and while he still loved me more than anything in the world he didn’t find me enough. I started crying and begged him not to humiliate me. If he just gave me some time, we could divorce and go our separate ways. He said he wasn’t interested in divorce. He didn’t want to replace me. Just add some new excitement into our relationship.
Two weeks later he came home with her and told me that she’s moving in with us. A 26 years old that he met at work. He started showing her the apartment and explained how important it was for me to have everything clean and tidy all the time and that she should abide by that. She was smiling the whole time. He took her to the guest bedroom. She’s been living with us ever since.
I moved to my sons room and put locks on and I’ve been living with my baby for almost a year now. Rarely existing in the common areas beside preparing for my catering gigs. The GF moved eventually into my bedroom with my husband. He warned me that this would happen if I refused to move back. Funny how we can adjust so fast and find small pleasures even in the most difficult times. Having my baby and seeing him grow has been my biggest comfort, him and my studies. After a few months my husband gave up trying to talk to me outside of matters concerning our son. He finally realized neither fighting , tantrums nor love bombing worked on me and most importantly he stopped trying to get intimate with me, beside the occasional “I love you” or “I miss you” text sometimes a sext while he’s literally on the other side of the wall. His GF kept her distance from me and I was thankful for that. She moved out a few times after they would fight . I don’t know the details but I would guess that she wanted exclusivity (oh, the irony). she always showed up again after a couple of days. I acted like I didn’t notice any of it.
I have one year left of my studies but after my internship (practicing semester) at a big firm, my boss offered me a paid internship. It’s a full time job starting in January. It would mean work and study full time but I know that I will manage! I’m just so happy. This means that I now have the means to find my own place and I did. A small studio (32m ²). I’m moving November 1.
I will have to break the news eventually to my husband that I’m moving out and filing for divorce. I don’t want to tell him right now but once I start packing he will probably understand anyway. I don’t know what his reaction would be. Ideally he would be relieved but somehow I doubt it. Right now he thinks I’m bound to him for at least another year because of my studies and he’s still acting like I’m his wife. I have been so lucky this far and hopefully my moving out and divorce won’t be any different. I haven’t been this happy in many months and I wanted to share it somewhere since nobody in my surrounding knows what I have gone through.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ykhqlg/i_got_my_apartment_i_move_out_and_left_my_husband/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (3 Nov 22)
**I got my apartment. I move out and left my husband and his girlfriend. I'm free**
#
[original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/xvnjcp/i_want_to_share_my_happiness_with_you_i_landed_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
gosh! I don't even know where to start. Maybe thank you for supporting me on my last post (beside the few worthless "why don't you just leave" comments), I just wanted to vent and share my story but many of you have requested an update after I have moved.
I got the keys to my little apartment 2 weeks ago because the previous tenant move out earlier. I was grateful because I wanted to paint the room and do some makeover. I talked to the landlady and ended up telling her my whole story. lol. She promised me he next two bedroom that becames available. When I got the keys I felt that I could finally breathe. I'm not on good terms with my family but I ended up telling them what's been going on in my life this past year and my friends too. I don't know why I kept this a secret for so long. Maybe because I was too ashamed or embarrassed, or maybe because I had a definite plan and I didn't want outside influence or distraction. I didn't want my best friend to feel obligated to host me. I didn't want my sister to ask if *"I could forgive him"*, or my in-laws to try and *"change his mind"*. So the best thing I knew was to keep quiet and act like everything was normal.
I moved last Friday. I had packed all my kitchen gear and my sons and my clothes, toys etc while my husband was at work. My best friend and her husband helped me. I didn't take any of the furniture because I thought it could wait until we divorced and I requested division of property. I have no room for anything in my little apartment anyway. When my husband came home I told him that I was leaving. He was confused at first but I told him about my new apartment so he asked me how I was going to afford it. His facial expression changed and he looked scared. He started telling me how he has been regretting all of what he did. He loved and missed me. He knew that he messed up and has been thinking that this wasn't what he wanted. He wanted his family back. Our son and me. He asked me if I wanted my baby not to have his parents together then he said that he was leaving his girlfriend and she would be moving out and it could be the two of us again. His girlfriend started fighting with him and I just left.
He has now been calling me asking to see us. I still want a decent coparenting relationship with him so he took our son on Sunday to his parents' to spend time with him. This is the first time I'm without my son a whole day. I cried the entire time. I need to get used to this. My in-laws apologized for what my husband did. I think they think this is going to pass and we will be back together. I think everybody think that beside my best friend. I won't try to convince them. Let time tell them instead.
My feelings are letting me down now. After all he did, I still love him with all my heart and I miss him, his kisses his eyes, the way he looks at and touches me. How weird is that? I don't know if this is good or bad. I don't know if these feelings will disappear and what they will be replaced with. Hate? Is harboring hate for a man I'm bound to for at least 17 more years something good? Maybe I should use my love for him to create a better coparenting relationship. Maybe I should not stop loving him just find a new meaning for this love. Our son is so much like him especially his smile. It makes it even harder not to think about or miss him. This past year I have not had time to reflect over my feelings. I've done a great job being matter of fact(ual?) and surpress my feelings, but now I'm on my own in my own apartment I can finally cry and mourn they love that we lost. And the weirdest thing is that I really believe that he still loves me too. In his own weird way. I don't think he ever stopped loving me. I have watched him with his girlfriend for a year now. It's never like how he was with me when we were happy. The only times I could see his old loving self was when he looked at our son or at me when he thought I couldn't see him. When I think of this I cry even more because what a waste of a beautiful relationship and for what?
My son's birthday is in a few days. I feel so guilty but I will not be celebrating it with my husband. my son is still too young to remember so I won't be hurting him. Hopefully when he is older, my husband and I are on better terms so we can celebrate him together but for now I'm doing a party with my family and friends and my husband can do a party for him if he wanted.
I just wanted to say something before I leave. Last time many accused me of being too dependent. Letting my husband taking care of me and our son. I thought this is how life/love/partnership was supposed to be. I had a very respectable business and I loved my job. I was happy and content. I had a loving and supportive husband. We bought our beautiful place and renovated it from scratch with our (BOTH) hard earned money. I never foresaw the pandemic and how my business would suffer. How my life would be turned upside down and when it did, I thought I could rely on my husband because that's what people supposed to do. If the roles were reversed I would gladly have supported him until he got on his feet again. Because in the long run the whole family would reap the benefits. So no, I wasn't dependent, I thought I had a good safety net. If you still don't understand that people no matter where they are in life could fall and need to start over, expecting their loved ones to support them or at least not take advantage of them. If you still don't understand that this doesn't mean that they're weak then there's nothing more I could say to explain myself so I'll leave it at that.
**Reminder - I'm not the OOP** | prettiergenghis | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yrpygr/oop_wants_to_share_her_happiness_as_shes_finally/ | yrpygr | 11,289 | 5,136 | [
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2022-11-10T20:20:04 | OOP finds out her husband is sleeping with a friend so she goes on tinder. | INCONCLUSIVE | I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/rubresponsible2789 in r/trueoffmychest.
[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yckvmi/i_got_a_text_from_husband_by_mistake_that_he_was/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (25 Oct 22)
**I got a text from husband by mistake that he was supposed to send to his AP**
I have been doing an online college for 3 years. Now the last 6 months is an internship where I had to relocate to the capital that is 5h train ride from where my husband and I live with our 2 y/o. I can only afford going home 2 weekends a month. we're saving to buy a house once I'm finished with my studies and landed a decent job.
Yesterday I got a very suspish text that said "No sleep over, early day tomorrow". wtf? I logged in my husbands iCloud. He has been sleeping with a friend of ours and the reason is that I'm not home to take care of his needs. He tells this fried over and over again that this is just sex, just as long as I'm not in town and that he loves me and isn't interest in her emotionally. She's a temporary solution.
&#x200B;
I mean I get it. Dicks probably fall off if they don't get wet, so I fully understands you husband! I sent him the screenshots of my findings, and believe it or not I also have needs but instead of sneaking around behind his back with a mutual friend I introduced him to my temporary solution.
&#x200B;
I'm contemplating forwarding the screenshots to the woman and her husband too. I think we ll need to be on the same page. It's just fair isn't it?
**Comments**
>seriously after you graduate, leave him. If he wanted sex with his wife, the mother of his child, he wouldn't be sleeping with a female married friend. I wouldn't be surprised if they started hooking up when you were pregnant.
>>**OOP**: No it was all there in the texts, they started October 9 , I moved august 28 to start my internship September 1.
>The AP's husband should know. Him and his 'needs' is a bullshit excuse to cheat. Is he sleeping with her in your home? In your bed? With your child around? Hell no. There is nothing that justifies this. Fuck him, fuck her and move on.
>>**OOP**: In our apartment yes. I dont think they can meet at her place since she lives with her husband and 2 kids
>What did he say when you sent the screenshot of your findings? Tell the APs husband, he needs to know what his wife is up to. And as for your husband, you need to start making an exit plan.
>>**OOP**: I haven't answered him yet. he is freaking out I guess
Her husband is a total douche. That's why I'm still thinking. What if he hurts her
>>>It's big of you to consider her safety considering what she's done. So he's been in contact then? Leave him hanging for a bit, give yourself time to get yourself together enough to have a conversation with him.
>>>>**OOP**: Yeah, not ready to talk to him yet. **All he cares about now is that I don't sleep with someone**. He. hasn't texted about anything else
>If he needs are that important then he should have approached you about opening the marriage. It’s not just cheating it’s lying and it’s dragging everyone on y’all’s lives into a big fat mess. Do what you have to. But don’t be surprised if he keeps doing it.
>>**OOP**: he doesn't want to open the marriage since he's freaking out now about me wanting to do the same
*A redditor asked her why she cares if AP's husband is abusive*
>Honestly, thats not your problem. Though if you are worried for her safety you could tell her you are giving her a few days to get to a shelter before you inform her husband.
>>**OOP**:I don't like cheaters. I just don't think just because they're cheaters they should be beaten up or worse. I understand that maybe you and many come from places where infidelity (especially women) is punishable and probably think she deserves it. I don't. If she had a better husband I wouldn't hesitate
>**OOP**I got the text 5 minutes after I facetimed him and my baby and he told me how much he loved and missed me.
>>Then he was making appointments fucking another chick😑😑
You deserve better op trust me.
Everything will heal. You will get Through it. Stay strong.
>It seems you're not gonna leave him, so go out and fk someone else
>>**OOP**:Oh I will. Our marriage is open as far as I'm concerned
>I read your comments and, hey, have fun and send him a selfie of you and your new fuck buddy repeating his text. 😂
>>**OOP**: I'm very clumsy. I always accidentally on purpose send texts to the wrong person
>I don't understand, is your temporary solution a person or an object?
Are you annoyed he's hitting it with someone else or just who it is with?
>>**OOP**: I literally installed tinder. swiped for a few minutes. sent my husband a screenshot with the 20+ matches
>Her husband is a total douche.
Who’s taking care of their children when she’s having sleepovers in your home?
If there’s a possibility that he will hurt her, you can send her a message and tell her you knew of the affair. Scare her a bit and tell her you’re thinking of telling her husband.
>>**OOP*: oh okay! no as far as the texts go there were never sleep overs. every time they plan t meet he text "no sleep over". charming man.
>**OOP**:Good morning everyone! thank you so much for helping me yesterday! I really needed to take my mind off things. I'm sorry I can't answer everyone and I really dont have any update more than that my husband showed up this morning. He has taken the rest of the week off to stay with me. Probably so I don't meet anybody. Honestly I couldn't even be mad because this means a week with my baby. Yeah I know I'm a pathetic human.
anyway that's my update.
>>Kick him out, make him stay at a hotel. He should not be staying with you, even with the baby there. This is pure manipulation on his part. He's using your kid to force you into seeing and staying with him. What an absolute loser.
>>>**OOP**:well I only had 5 minutes this morning from him showing up to me having to leave for work but yeah, he's not staying with me. I rent a room and I only have one bed for me and my baby. If he doesn't want to sleep on the toilet seat he's gonna have to check into a hotel
>ok honestly i disagree w everyone on this post people divorce way way too easily like yes he betrayed you and your trust but is it worth it to break up your family if he works on regaining your trust and never does it again
>>**OOP**: well if he is fine with me sleeping with others too then why not?
>>>If you stay and it’s open. Do you plan to sleep with him again after this or you both just sleep with other people?
>>>>**OOP**: No, no need for sex with him. He loves me very very much and that's all I need from him.
>You're very kind to consider her safety. Just message her then and say "i know what's been going on. You can have him, but without me." And leave it at that
>>**OOP**: I have thought about it and decided not to waste more breath oh her. My beef is with my dear husband and his needs. Had she said no, he would've gone to the next one, because needs.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yg29r2/i_could_finally_cry_update_from_the_other_days/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (28 Oct 22)
**I could finally cry! (Update from the other day's real life soap opera)**
So this is the update about my post from the other day, when my dear husband sent me a message that was purposed to be send to our mutual friend that he has been screwing for the past 3 weeks or so.
I'm back in my home town for the weekend but I'm staying at my parent's. I don't think I'm ready to be home yet, f ever, because I keep picturing them all over y home. God I hope they stayed away from my favorite chaise lounge! He wanted to talk before I went to mom. He said that he was sorry and that he loved me(naawww). She never meant anything, just sex (How romantic!). He will never speak to her again (How nice of him!) He wants to work on our marriage and suggested counseling(Duh). I told him that I was meeting a dude on Sunday and showed him his picture. He got very upset and started crying then arguing then threatening with divorce(how original!). I told him if that what he wanted then I totally understood but that I have needs.
When I saw mom I just started bawling my eyes out. First time I cried since everything. She was scared at first but I was too exhausted to start on the details so she got the coming attractions. She started crying too. Dad was right, I have inherited my moms flair for drama. I just went and took a nap in her bed with my son and when I woke up she had made my favorite foods. We talked about the week that was and my plans. I sensed that she was getting agitated about me starting to hook up with city dudes but surprisingly enough she just said, it wouldn't be you if you didn't (should I be offended?)
Dear husband texted what I believe is his way of a compromise(?). He wants me to quit my internship because I could always do it next year. Instead we take this year off to work on our marriage and we could wait with the house and other dreams that we've planned. what a stellar guy. Yeah, I won't dignify his text with an answer.
I'm afraid we are kicking stepdad to the guest room tonight because my son and I are taking his place :) Sorry the post got long. Good night.
>You made sure to tell him that the guy you're meeting isn't an emotional thing, right? That you just have needs? That's really important!
>>**OOP** - of course! told him that tinder dude for me is exactly what she is to him.
>So, how’d the Tinder date go?
>>**OOP** - Not well according to my soon to be ex. He said that "there was no coming back from this", no shit, genius!
It was very awkward first. I haven't had sex with someone new in ages. The guy was very cute and considerate. He has also come out of a long term relationship.
>>>I’m glad he was patient with you and you had something in common. (And of course that he was cute)
As for your husband. Doesn’t he know it didn’t mean anything? Jeez.
>>>>**OOP** - I met the tinder guy for dinner because I wanted to see if there's any chemistry at all and we went to his place afterwards. When I got home my husband was waiting outside and the look on his face was exactly how I felt reading the texts with with his AP a week ago and it felt good! He was crying and saying that I have ruined our marriage. I told him that my tinder meant as much as (her name) meant for him. He told me that it was over.
I know people won't agree with me here but I don't regret anything. I don't feel happier or sadder. Just that it's fairer now, you know what I mean?
*There was another post as well, not an update just a general post about her feeling sad and vulnerable but i didn't save it and since she's deleted her account idk how to find it*
**Reminder - I'm not the OOP** | prettiergenghis | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yrqoxb/oop_finds_out_her_husband_is_sleeping_with_a/ | yrqoxb | 11,240 | 12,303 | [
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2022-11-10T20:53:46 | My sister and I stopped speaking after her childfree wedding, now she wants to attend mine. Family side with her. I'm 26, she's 31. | REPOST | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwrachildfreewed in r/relationship_advice**
---
&nbsp;
[**My sister and I stopped speaking after her childfree wedding, now she wants to attend mine. Family side with her. I'm 26, she's 31.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/q7m5b4/my_sister_and_i_stopped_speaking_after_her/) - 13 October 2021
Around the time my sister got married I had a lot going on. I was divorcing, had 2 kids under 2, and me attending her wedding would require an overnight trip, which I was prepared to do, until I found out with less than a week to go that it was childfree. I called her and said I couldn't make it. She didn't take it well. We both said shit we shouldn't have and we both apologised, but when we made up, she asked if I could come to the wedding now and I said no as the circumstances hadn't changed, at which point the argument started up all over again. The day of the wedding she sent me a series of messages about how she wanted me there and she needed some time before we talk next, so I needed to wait for her to contact me.
That was 3 years ago and we still haven't spoken. I got engaged 2 months ago, and we told my family a month ago. One of my parents told my sister, who contacted me, and I ignored her, because in the last 3 years, I've moved on. I'm happy she had her wedding, her way, but she knew it would cause issues for me, which is why she only told me last minute, she said some things about my kids and me that I can't forgive, and if not for me getting engaged, she might have never reached out to me again, as it's been nearly 3 years so clearly my ongoing presence in her life is not a big deal to her.
I've explained my feelings to my family but they want me to meet with her, hear her out, and invite her to the wedding. I asked what happens if I don't do that, and their responses have ranged from being mildly put out to not going in solidarity. I have asked where this response was when I couldn't go to her wedding, and they've said it's different because I had an invitation while she doesn't.
I don't want to get into a debate about me attending her wedding, or her coming to mine, I just want some advice on how to address this whole issue with my family in regards to them choosing sides, as I would like them to be at my wedding, but I'm still not inviting my sister.
&nbsp;
[**Update. My sister and I stopped speaking after her childfree wedding, now she wants to attend mine. Family side with her. I'm 26, she's 31.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qny6s6/update_my_sister_and_i_stopped_speaking_after_her/) - 6 November 2021
I was not planning on updating and I'm sorry it's been so long but I felt an update was warranted.
I contacted the relatives who have been harassing me about inviting my sister to my wedding. I said, in short, that I don't want to talk about my sister any more. That we had our issues way back when and the resolution, if you can call it that, was no contact. I intend to continue not speaking to her because of how she acted back then, and shared part of the truth, admitting that when we had that argument she insulted my kids due to the circumstances of my split with their father. I included a couple of quotes from my argument with my sister that I felt comfortable sharing, specifically some about my children. A few people apologised after that, and I thought things were resolved, until my sister put her little woe is me act back on, talking about how mean I was to her on her special day and saying I was punishing her, and she somehow managed to turn the tide back around and into her favour.
The messages then began trickling in and in the last 3 weeks all but 2 of my relatives have said they are not attending my wedding in solidarity with my sister. I haven't even sent out invites yet so to get this many negative RSVPs in advance probably belongs in the record books. My family made up the overwhelming majority of the guest list, which was pretty small to begin with, so now we only have less than 20 people left on said list, including kids, and no one else to invite, and that's assuming the remaining guests can all come. My fiancé and I are now considering eloping, which sucks because we didn't want to do that, but we no longer have enough guests to warrant an actual wedding as most wedding services are designed for a couple hundred people so the cost per guest has skyrocketed.
And to just deliver that final blow, I spoke to my sister, in person, and after once again insulting me and my kids she added that I should let her know the date for my wedding so she can plan a party, and possibly a vow renewal, for the same day. This was probably only said to upset me in the moment, but I wouldn't put it past her to actually do this either.
All in all, I'm glad I no longer speak to my sister, I just wish she'd left my life quietly and not kicking and screaming.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yrriul/my_sister_and_i_stopped_speaking_after_her/ | yrriul | 5,010 | 15,113 | [
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2022-11-10T21:29:58 | My sister married my abuser. Now she's passed, my mother wants me to take in her 3 children. + Update | ONGOING | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yrsd10/my_sister_married_my_abuser_now_shes_passed_my/ | yrsd10 | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-10T22:22:26 | My partners psychologist is an anti feminist | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yrtm6r/my_partners_psychologist_is_an_anti_feminist/ | yrtm6r | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-11T09:23:14 | So I can't be friends with guys I cant be a lesbian but can only Have girls as friends | ONGOING | [removed] | Odd_Chemistry_8860 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ys5roe/so_i_cant_be_friends_with_guys_i_cant_be_a/ | ys5roe | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-11T11:31:19 | OOP walks in on her boyfriend cheating on her with his long time friend | ONGOING | **I am not the OP. That is u/MiyanoKuori. Posts can be found on r/relationship_advice, r/offmychest and on her profile.**
trigger warning: >!infidelity!<
mood spoiler: >!sad but hopeful!<
[Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/y9jl5d/i_20f_walked_in_on_my_boyfriend_22m_cheating_on/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x) *posted on October 21, 2022 in relationship_advice*
**I (20F) walked in on my Boyfriend (22M) cheating on me with his long time friend**
I wish this were a joke. My heart physically hurts just typing this out. My boyfriend who I'll call K and I have been dating for 4 years. After high-school he asked me to move in with him in a different state. I agreed so that we could be together while we attended college. Over the years we made amazing friends here and he was just as kind to me as when we first started dating. Cute awkward text messages, surprise gifts and flowers at least once every two weeks. We had a date night every Thursday after work as well. We were both from well off families so we never struggled financially. He also told me he loved at least once a day.
Well, last week I got out of work early. I was in a good mood because K had sent flowers to my workplace and ordered me Chinese for lunch, because I had mentioned that I had a taste for it the night before. On my way home from work I picked up some of his favorite donuts and went home.
When I walked in the door, I could immediately hear the moaning. I walked to our bedroom to see that our friend Elly was on top of him. My heart dropped. Theyd known eachother for 10 years but they were never close, or so I thought. They didn't notice me until I'd dropped the donuts in shock. They quickly covered themselves up and K got up to try and explain the situation to me, but I wasn't hearing any of it. I packed a bag and left to my friends house.
I've been here for the last week trying to rationalize everything. Hes been calling me and texting me. Telling me he loves me and that he doesn't know why he did this. Hes been asking me to come back. Where did I go wrong? Was I not satisfying him enough? I just don't understand why he would do this to me. I have no idea what to do moving forward.
Tl;dr I got off of work early and found my boyfriend of 4 years in bed with his friend of nearly 10 years. I don't understand why he would do this to me or what I did wrong
[Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ya55a4/update_i_20f_walked_in_on_my_boyfriend_22m/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x) *posted on October 21, 2022 in relationship_advice*
**UPDATE: I (20F) walked in on my Boyfriend (22m) cheating on me**
First I would really like to thank you all for all of your supportive comments and dms. They really helped me to pull myself out of this hole a bit.
For those wondering what excuse K gave me, he told me that it just happened. He said this really was the first time and it wasn't planned at all. That I should know this isn't the real him. He explained that she came over and that one thing just lead to another and it was a mistake he'd do anything to fix. He's sent me pictures of an engagement ring as well. Elly messaged me as well, saying how she never meant to hurt me and that it wasn't supposed to be this way. K is still bombarding me with messages apologizing and asking for forgiveness.
After reading through all of your comments though I decided to take your advice. This morning I called my friend Ian and explained the situation to him. I asked him if he'd be willing to come with me and help me to grab my things while K was at work tomorrow morning. I explained the situation to my friends and family and they all agree that leaving is the best option.
I will be taking all of my things and flying back home. My parents have sent me the money for a ticket and I'll be moving back in with them for the time being. I don't plan on telling K anything. He Will just come home to a partially empty apartment.
Thank you everyone for all of your wonderful support. Any future updates will be made to my page, for anyone interested.
[Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/user/MiyanoKuori/comments/yb913t/update_3_i_20f_walked_in_on_my_boyfriend_22m/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x) *posted on October 23, 2022 on OOP's profile*
**UPDATE 3 I (20f) walked in on my Boyfriend (22m) cheating on me**
Thank you all again for your supportive messages and kind words. It really means a lot♡
As planned, my friend Ian and I went back to the apartment in the morning when I knew K wouldn't be there, to pack my things.
It took about 3 hours in total to pack all of my things with Ian's help. We packed my things into our cars then went to have them shipped back to my parents house.
To be honest, I'm still completely heart broken. All of you called me strong and I thank you, but I don't feel strong at all. I feel as if I just lost half of my heart. I really did think he was going to be the man I would marry. So it was very scary when I got on my phone to look at the security cameras and K was throwing things around and acting like I'd never seen before. He'd always been very level headed. At least to my knowledge. He called me at least 100 time but I'm not going to answer. I decided to take your advice and block both him and elly. I'll be on my flight back to my parents tomorrow morning.
[Update 3](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/ydontb/update_i_20f_walked_in_on_my_boyfriend_22m/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x) *posted on October 26, 2022 on offmychest*
**UPDATE I (20f) walked in on my Boyfriend (22M) cheating on me with his long time friend**
Thank you everyone for such supportive messages. For anyone who didn't see the update on my page this is what happened;
-As planned, my friend Ian and I went back to the apartment in the morning when I knew K wouldn't be there, to pack my things. We packed my things into our cars then went to have them shipped back to my parents house. I got on my phone to look at the security cameras and K was throwing things around and acting like I'd never seen before. He'd always been very level headed. So that was scary to me. He called me at least 100 times but I'm not going to answer. I decided to take your advice and block both him and elly. I'll be on my flight back to my parents tomorrow morning.-
Sorry it took so long for an update. A lot of crazy things happened after I got to my parents. As I was getting settled in it turns out that a mutual friend of ours told K what I was doing and he thought it would be a good idea to come to me In person to beg for forgiveness. To be honest I almost had a moment of weakness until it became apparent that he didn't come alone. He brought Elly with him. He said it was because he figured with her also guaranteeing that it wouldn't happen again, I would believe him and go back to him.
Elly also decided this was the best time to admit that she was pregnant and that K might be the father. K said that even if he was the father, he would only be there for the baby. That his heart would only belong to me. I was furious and heart was broken all over again. This also made it very apparent it was indeed not the first time.
Because k wouldn't leave, my younger brother(18m) also came out and started calling K and Elly all sorts of things and it lead to a physical altercation. My little brother punched him in the face and thankfully K took that as a sign to leave. This is all such a huge mess. I don't want to see K or Elly anymore. I don't want to hear the excuses. My heart feels like it's been ripped apart. They can have eachother for all I care. If I post more updates, they will likely be on my page for anyone interested. Really thank you all for all your kindness. Thank you for calling me strong even when I don't feel like it.
[Update 4](https://www.reddit.com/user/MiyanoKuori/comments/yly9q2/update_again_i_20f_walked_in_on_my_boyfriend_22m/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x) *posted on November 4, 2022 on OOP's profile*
**UPDATE AGAIN I (20f) walked in on my Boyfriend (22m) cheating with a long time friend**
I'm sorry for the late update. I've been going through a wave of different emotions. First I'll address some simple questions I got
I didn't drop out of college. Thankfully prior to this whole incident I was already taking online courses. I do plan to move to move back, but in my own apartment later on.
Now as for what happened next between K and I. He came back twice to try and apologize and ask me to reconsider. He reminded me about how I said I had never felt this way for someone before and that ending this would be a mistake. That we could work through these problems, if I give him a chance. I told him that I don't plan on being a step parent to his mistresses kid, so even if I dismissed the cheating, which I made clear that I wouldn't, I'd break up with him because of that. He began crying and saying he would talk her into getting an abortion if it meant that I would go back with him. I hate them both but to be honest hearing that made me feel disgusted. I told him that we were done and he needed to leave. The second time, my Dad threatened him if he didn't leave the property. From what I hear now, he went back home.
I'm sorry this probably isn't an interesting update. But thank you all for your support. Your comments really helped me stand my ground on this.
**Reminder - I am not the OP**
*Edit: removed post that people asked me to* | Shelly_895 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ys7sri/oop_walks_in_on_her_boyfriend_cheating_on_her/ | ys7sri | 9,551 | 9,229 | [
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2022-11-11T11:36:14 | OOP seeks Reddit's help for a kinky construction project | CONCLUDED | [removed] | HonoraryBoyscout | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ys7wee/oop_seeks_reddits_help_for_a_kinky_construction/ | ys7wee | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-11T11:51:50 | Sale Lodge Cookware Cast Iron 12" Chef Style Skillet, One Size , Black | NEW UPDATE | [removed] | Amazing-Doubt-255 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ys885m/sale_lodge_cookware_cast_iron_12_chef_style/ | ys885m | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-11T12:32:46 | Entitled father wants to have half of the property my mother bought after they are separately living | ONGOING | [removed] | AggravatingPirate540 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ys953s/entitled_father_wants_to_have_half_of_the/ | ys953s | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-11T13:30:50 | best gaming laptops | CONCLUDED | [removed] | AjnabiLog | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ysak0v/best_gaming_laptops/ | ysak0v | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-11T15:14:29 | OOP - My MIL DNA tested our daughter and told my husband she isn’t his. | CONCLUDED | I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/throwawayak77 in multiple subreddits.
[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/motherinlawsfromhell/comments/wmxi7k/my_mil_dna_tested_our_daughter_and_told_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (13 August 22) r/motherinlawsfromhell
**My MIL DNA tested our daughter and told my husband she isn’t his**
**TW mention of SA**
My 45 F husband 48M and I have been together for 25 years, we have three kids F8, M15, and F17. My husband and I had a lot of trouble conceiving our daughter we went through several years with no luck and had seen a fertility doctor who had prescribed some medication to help with ovulation. We couldn’t afford IVF so we were going to try this last thing and then look into adoption.
We’ll long story short I was SA’d during a burglary while my husband was out with his brother, it was right when I was to be ovulating. At the hospital I took EC even though I knew it would undo all the hard work (medication) and mean we wouldn’t be able to have a baby of our own, but I couldn’t risk getting pregnant with my Rwords baby.
We’ll after a few months I’ve been feeling off, sick, down I figured I was just depressed after the SA and I hadn’t been eating. But I soon found out I was pregnant. We were so excited until I went to my appointment and found out I was 15 weeks instead of the 5/6 weeks I thought I was. I had been having really irregular spotting/bleeding since the EC, so didn’t even imagine I was that far along.
My husband and I were devastated because that meant there was so much uncertainty surrounding paternity. We had our ultrasound and as soon as we saw the baby on the screen I knew I couldn’t have an abortion and my husband didn’t want to either. We talked and talked and went back-and-forth about adoption and if the baby didn’t end up being his or what we would do and he said he didn’t care about paternity we just wouldn’t find out, we decided to wait until our child was older to tell them and they could decide if they wanted to find out themselves. I will also note at this point my case was unsolved but had been linked to other SAs/ murders at the time. A few years ago my rapist was caught and a year ago finally sentenced. At the hearing I spoke and my daughter and son knew about it but I didn’t go into details, but they knew I was “attacked” but only knew it was before they were born.
Last Christmas my MIL bought my daughter and only my daughter a 23 and me for Christmas. I thought it was extremely weird but didn’t think too much of it, thinking back I don’t know why I didn’t see it for what it was. My daughter was equally confused and asked if I wanted to do it instead, I’m adopted. I said sure and just gave my daughter an Amazon gift card for the price of the test. My daughter brought it to my attention that my MIL has been overly critical of my daughter in the last few months commenting on her differences. Saying things like I wonder where those eyes came from, hair, height, she even said to my daughter I wonder why you’re so skinny.
My daughter looks exactly like me the same eyes color, same hair color and texture but she is quite a bit taller than me I’m 5’8’’ she’s 6 ft. I’m on the heavier side so is my husband and my daughter is extremely thin but she is also an athlete. I’ve never had any reason to believe from looks alone that she is not my husband‘s daughter. After my daughter brought it to my attention how my MIL was acting. I spoke with her and she said oh she’s just being sensitive. This was a couple months ago.
A couple nights ago my MIL invited my husband and I out for dinner and told us to leave the kids at home because she had something important to discuss with us we did we went to a restaurant we’re eating and my MIL hands me and my husband two separate envelopes, my husband and I both look in the envelope and they are a DNA comparison results. I asked my MIL what it was and she said “the proof that you’re the garbage I always knew you were.” I was extremely confused, I asked who’s DNA she compared and as I said that I just knew, she’s said my husband and my daughter. My husband looked at me and he looked so hurt and lost, I’ll never get that image out of my head as long as I live. I called her a heartless c*nt and my husband and I left. I blocked her number from mine and my kids phones, but figured my husband needed to make that decision on his own.
My husband told me last night my MIL called him and he stopped by after work at her house, she was telling my husband she’s known for awhile and suspected for a very long time and that she wasn’t sure how to approach the topic with him. My husband asked how she knew that she said she over heard my BIL talking to his wife and heard our daughter may not be his. My MIL took that to mean that I cheated, so she did a DNA test. Last year around the hearing my husband got drunk and ended up mentioning the hearing and some details to my BIL.
Apparently that night while sleeping he said “I couldn’t protect her” and “what if she’s not mine.” My husband was extremely drunk and did not remember doing this. My mother-in-law does not know that I was SAd but she does know there was a break in and I was “attacked”. She kept trying to convince my husband to leave me. My husband told her what she did was unforgivable and that he is going to cut her off my husband is inconsolable he’s so upset he told his mother to fuck off and then told her that my attack was actually an SA and that’s who our daughters biological “father”, it still makes me sick to say that, was she tried to apologize, but my husband told her he can’t forgive her, and not to contact any of us.
I told everyone my MIL DNA tested our daughter and we were done with her. I have 7 siblings 5 think I’m in the right the other two and my BIL can’t believe MIL did that but understands why because she didn’t have the entire story and assumed I wasn’t being truthful to my husband.
But even if I wasn’t I can’t imagine being a parent so concerned with my child’s relationship that I would go to those lengths to meddle.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ydi0f6/mil_dna_tested_my_daughter_without_our_consent/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (26 Oct 22) r/trueoffmychest.
**MIL DNA tested my daughter without our consent, and proved she isn’t my husbands**
**Update**
First thank you for all your support and a big fuck off to all the creeps and assholes.
To answer the most common questions.
Yes we are no contact with my MIL. I haven’t talked to her since the dinner and my husband hasn’t spoken to her since a couple days after that. She knows I was raped, and attempted to apologize to my husband when he last spoke to her but he basically told her to fuck off and he couldn’t forgive her. We also had a good relationship up until this point or so I thought, we hung out and did stuff together. I was just really hurtful that she told me at dinner when I asked what the envelope was, that it’s “proof that you’re the trash I always knew you were.”
Also my answers and descriptions of what took place are intentionally vague, due to the amount of attention this got, and the fact someone commented this is now on TikTok. I don’t want a single person to know mine or my families true identity and try to out my daughters biology to my rapist or his family. If my daughter desires to do that in the future I want that decision to be wholly hers and not have another decision about her future to be made for her against her will. I’ll suffice it to say that he is in prison for life w/o parole, and I am not the only person he did this too, he also murdered at least one other victim. There are very few articles about this trial because it was a closed trial and although none of the victims interviewed or are mentioned by name they do use initials. There is also a slew of other charges he had brought against him as well.
People want to know why or how I could’ve kept a baby knowing the possibility of the rapist being the father. And the answer is that even if I had known definitively that he was the father my decision probably wouldn’t have been different. She is as much a part of me biologically speaking as she is him, and after seeing her move around I didn’t desire an abortion, although it would’ve been nearly impossible for me to get one anyway where I lived.
Although she was conceived in violence she was raised in love, understanding, and acceptance. She is much more mine and my husband than my rapists. Also he did was contribute DNA to her nothing else, he’s had no influence or part in her life and likely never will. I know DNA doesn’t mean anything in the sense of who she is, but that doesn’t diminish the devastation and anger I feel knowing he is responsible for any part of her.
I’m honestly not sure why my husband and I were so blindsided but I feel like you can convince yourself of anything given the right circumstances. Initially we did feel it was likely the rapist because of the year we went without conceiving but when I got pregnant with my son pretty soon after my daughter I know I convinced myself that not only was it a possibility it was the only likely scenario. It’s also not lost on me that the decision to keep her isn’t something many people agree with apparently according to this post, but I know I made the right decision because my daughter is the most amazing girl and I couldn’t imagine my life without her.
My daughter is doing well and her relationship with myself and my husband hasn’t changed at all if anything her relationship with my husband is much better she makes an effort to spend more time with him and they have many shared interests. My daughter said she isn’t upset I didn’t tell her, she’s upset she had to find out when she wasn’t truly ready and she happy I was able to share such a “vulnerable, horrible event” with her. My son now knows the specifics and my youngest knows my daughter has a different dad but not about my rape.
People also seem to be concerned with her genetics and how it affects her future health. She already had neonatal testing for genetic disorders, I am not a carrier of any autosomal recessive disorders, and she has had genetic testing for autosomal dominant ones and was negative. She also has had genetic testing for several different forms of cancer because of my biological family history. Anything else couldn’t affect her until adulthood and they are all almost heavily influenced by lifestyle so they wouldn’t be a concern until she’s much older.
I’m not sure what else to say so I’ll just once again reiterate how thankful I am for all the support!
**Edited** for clarity and context sorry this was a rant I didn’t go into a lot of specifics like I did in my initial posts here is the link. Also I didn’t word it very well but we Retested my daughter and husband because they never willingly gave my MIL a sample and we didn’t want to ask her how she got the DNA.
Also my husband and I have been in therapy on/off since this happened 18 years ago. And my kids have been in therapy since they were in middle school, I make them go 4X a year and they can go more often if they desire. When this initially happened I started having my daughter go weekly and now she goes every other.
**Stop messaging me asking for the story of my rape**
https://www.reddit.com/r/motherinlawsfromhell/comments/wmxi7k/my_mil_dna_tested_our_daughter_and_told_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
I’m so angry I don’t know what to do now that I have confirmation. She is dead to me.
Just confirmed my daughter isn’t my husbands and I’m devastated. A couple months ago my MIL unknowingly DNA tested our daughter cause she didn’t believe she was my husbands. To make a long story short around the time of conception of my daughter I was SA’d during a home invasion, this was after several years of trying for a baby. I took EC at the hospital and was depressed and stressed after. Didn’t realize I was pregnant until I was 15 weeks. My husband and I decided regardless we were going to keep the baby. After she was born we decided we didn’t want to find out, I felt like know absolutely she wasn’t my husband would change how she was treated. My husbands family didn’t know her paternity was in question, and they didn’t know I was SA’d.
Well a couple months ago my MIL invited my husband and I out to dinner. She blindsides both of us by handing us envelopes with DNA results in them and basically says she always knew I was a liar and cheater and is trying to tell my husband to leave with her. My husband was devastated when he realized our daughter isn’t his. I’ve never seen him look more hurt.
We had planned to tell my daughter when she was older that there was a question of her paternity and allow her to DNA testing if she wished. But instead I had to tell my 17 year old the whole story of how I was assaulted and what her grandmother did. We didn’t really know how my MIL did the DNA test so we decided to get another test done, I got the confirmation this morning that my daughter and my husband have 0 biological relationship.
I’m so angry and pissed we always knew this was a possibility but I didn’t think so a second it could happen. She looks so much like her siblings and me. Thank god she has no resemblance to the R**ist. I immediately made her start seeing her therapist more regularly and she seems to be doing rather well despite everything. Thankfully.
**Reminder - I'm not the OOP** | prettiergenghis | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ysd9e5/oop_my_mil_dna_tested_our_daughter_and_told_my/ | ysd9e5 | 13,738 | 8,557 | [
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2022-11-11T15:31:28 | A KFI film "Kantara" has earned 70 cr in the hindi department. | EXTERNAL | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ysdpns/a_kfi_film_kantara_has_earned_70_cr_in_the_hindi/ | ysdpns | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-11T18:05:59 | My partner’s psychologist is an anti feminist | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/AtoyKab**
trigger warnings: >!sexist ideologies!<
mood spoilers: >!optimistic!<
---
&nbsp;
[** My partner's psychologist is an anti-feminist**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/comments/yk5zjc/my_partners_psychologist_is_an_antifeminist/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) - Nov 2 2022
I (31F) am in a relationship the last 7 years with my partner (30M). We are facing some issues so we decided to start psychotherapy. Last week it was his first appointment with his psychologist and today was my first with mine. He seemed relieved when he came back, so I didn't do my usual detective work on him, until today. I've found his psychologist's fb page and I'm speechless. He is constantly posting about feminism and links it to rape, pedophilia, increase in porn productions and so on. I'm sure my partner would be repulsed by this, he is basically a feminist himself, so he definitely doesn't have a clue. Should I say something?
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE: My partner's psychologist is an anti-feminist**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/comments/ykx5ie/update_my_partners_psychologist_is_an_antifeminist/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) - Nov 3 2022
I want to thank you all for the support, you've helped me find the courage to speak with my partner!
I simply went and showed him his professional fb page, saying that I've found some scary stuff about him. He admitted he didn't do any research before visiting him and that he simply relied on reviews on a medical website (the same I found mine). He was shocked.
Together we read some more of his "interesting" beliefs, like how women have it good when they rape male teens but when a man does it, they are dealt with as criminals. Or the "fact" that when women stayed at home, there were less cases of assault, without adding any links to his sources. And the best part was that he insists that a guy who is a feminist will inevitably face erectile dysfunction.
And those things triggered my partner to the point where he started to make sense of some things he was told by this therapist on their very first appointment.
According to this therapist, the fact that we are 7 years together and haven't decided yet to have children is alarming. He insisted that we should have the talk again now that it's still early for me as a woman to have children. He then went on about other women over 40 that he's treating who are not capable to have children due to their age and how this has affected their lives, how they are miserable and wished they had children when it was the right time.
According to my partner, he talked way too long for this matter, even though my SO specifically said that he wanted to see a therapist for his anxieties and some things he has to think about regarding his master's degree (which has caused him panic attacks). He had to explain multiple times the reasons we don't have children and why we do not want to have them in the future. But this guy was relentless. He even used our cats as proof of us wanting to have children to care for and not realizing it.
Apologies for the long post. On the bright side, my partner joked about how he managed to find the most incompatible therapist in the whole city and asked for my help to find a new one. I never said I'm an expert on judging therapists, and to some of you I may seem as a psycho, but I'm his psycho and I'll always try to look after him as he looks after me.
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | rizzo1717 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ysi0ne/my_partners_psychologist_is_an_anti_feminist/ | ysi0ne | 3,598 | 5,485 | [
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2022-11-11T18:22:01 | AITA for telling someone that idc about their trigger warnings? | CONCLUDED | This one is ridiculous, but I also work with students and they deal with massively weird shit and incompetent teachers so it's not implausible.
**I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/Sorry\_not\_sorry1lol](https://www.reddit.com/user/Sorry_not_sorry1lol/). She posted in r/AITA. The updates were included in their original post and the comments. I fixed a few errors for readability, but the rest of the posts are the same. I did my best to approximate when in the timeline the updates and comments occurred since not all had a timestamp.
(Also, I think OOP could be in a different timezone from myself, which is why they mention 'tomorrow.' The timestamps for the OG post and comments are set in my timezone, so this took place in one day for me (starting at 1:12 AM) vs it possibly being over the course of 2 'days' for OOP. Or it's possible they considered 'tomorrow' as after they went to sleep. The post and updates were concluded in 20 hours. Just wanted to write that since I was confused with the timeline at first but it doesn't detract from the veracity of the story. Up to you to judge.)
Trigger Warnings: >!victim-blaming, mentioned dog attack!<
Mood Spoiler: >!It works out in the end!<
**Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ylpkzw/aita_for_telling_someone_that_idc_about_their_tw/): **November 4, 2022**
I (15f) am receiving a punishment at school for telling another kid that I don't really care if my scars trigger them. I was attacked by a dog when I was 7 and now have scars on my arm and face, I used to cover up by wearing hoodies and masks because I was insecure. Recently I have started wearing less hoodies and more tank tops and t-shirts, but yesterday at school some rando at my school came up to me and told me "You should cover up, your scars really trigger me", I immediately got upset which I guess he could tell due to my facial expression, ( I guess I was smiling a lot because nobody seemed to care about my scars), I told him that I wasn't going to cover up just because my scars trigger him and if he doesn't want to see them then maybe not to look at me. He left but today I was called into the office, the principal said I would be receiving an in school suspension for this week due to "making your peers and staff uncomfortable with your physical appearance". I don't know if my principal is actually allowed to suspend me for this and I feel super insecure again... AITA for telling the kid I wasn't going to cover up?
**Comments from original post:**
*(In response to it not sounding real and asking why the principal would do that:)*
I will admit that what I said to the kid was a bit more harsh then I said in the story because I was upset when he told me to cover up and I said a few things that were not ok and I did apologize to him, but what my principal said is true and yes both my parents are involved and are having a meeting with the school board tomorrow morning.
*(Someone says they should obviously know they aren't at fault)*
I'm 15 I don't know shit about law 💀 (not trying to be mean but I genuinely thought I was in the wrong when I heard I was being suspended)
*(Someone questions why tf the bully kid would go to the principal)*
Idk the kid very well but I'm guessing at the school board meeting the kids name will come up and if he has connections with the principal maybe the school board will also know the kids. I'm guessing maybe the kid is family with the principal or something because he seemed rlly protective over that kid, and most reports take days to be sorted out.
**Edit 1: (Same post)**
Quick Edit!: I have told both my mom and my dad and they are pissed, they will be going to the school board in the morning, I will probably be posting an update tomorrow after my parents school board meeting
*From the comments:*
"I'm 99% sure my dad has called a lawyer at this point 😅 my parents are like yelling right now, not like arguing, but they are so mad they can't talk in a normal tone they are just screaming"
"My parents have a lawyer ready I think, I heard my dad calling one last night and started asking if we have grounds for a discrimination lawsuit, lawyer said it my word against the principal and the kid, but he thinks we still could sue."
**Edit 2: (Same post)**
I got some advice to say everything I actually said to the kid, this is what I said to the best that I remember and I did apologize to the kid for my harsh language towards him, "What the fuck-? No I'm not covering my scars because it triggers you, I really don't care if it triggers you. I mean, you literally have seen them multiple times in the past and it never triggered you then, don't be a fucking liar." Again I apologized for calling him a liar and using such harsh language.
**Update: (Same post, after school that day)**
UPDATE:
So my parents just got back from their meeting, to make a long story short the principal probably will get fired, kid that told me to cover up is being punished and we aren't suing lol
*Comments*:
"Yup I'm in the US, but the school board made the principal lift my suspension and apologize so we won't be suing :\]"
"The school board said they will "handle his employment status" which I'm guessing that's just their way of saying "don't sue us we will fire him cause we don't want to lose money""
**And the comment that brings it together:**
Turns out the kid is the principals nephew 🥲🤚
**One more update added yesterday or today:**
ANOTHER UPDATE..:
So um my principal wasn't at school a few days ago and yesterday we were informed he was fired 😀
**Edit:** Ok, this apparently made it to r/all. Welcome everyone haha. I've had a few people comment/dm with some confusion. As a reminder, I am not the original poster. Basically I aggregated her posts, put them in chronological order (and thematic order) and fixed a few spelling errors so it forms one coherent story. If you have questions about what this sub is, please read the description and rules over to the right. | LucyAriaRose | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ysign5/aita_for_telling_someone_that_idc_about_their/ | ysign5 | 6,024 | 17,121 | [
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2022-11-11T18:34:06 | DMV took away my license because of a medical condition I don’t have. | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/veryrealzack in r/legaladvice**
---
&nbsp;
[**DMV took away my license because of a medical condition I dont have.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/v97qdb/dmv_took_away_my_license_because_of_a_medical/) - 10 June 2022
A few days ago, I got a notice in the mail that my license has been recalled and I must surrender it to the state because they received a report that I have a seizure disorder. I do not have a seizure disorder, have never had a seizure, a seizure disorder, or any medical condition that is remotely close. I submitted paperwork from my doctors office attesting to this fact and a letter explaining that this is an error, along with a request for a copy of the initial seizure report.
A person I spoke to at the DMV said that this report would have come from a doctor's office, though due to HIPAA, this call center worker couldn't access my report to provide specifics. I called every doctor I've seen in the two years, which is not many, and all of them said they filed no such report (because I obviously don't have seizures).
The "DMV medical team" who handles these reports is not taking phone calls, only written requests or emails which takes about 5 days to respond to. I told the DMV I've submitted paperwork to correct my record and reinstate my license they said that'll take about 20 BUSINESS DAYS to process. Meanwhile, in 15 days, the state PD will be notified that my license is to be confiscated if I don't surrender it voluntarily.
So during this time, I can't get myself to work, can't drive and I have a pregnant wife who can go into labor any day now. Do I have any legal recourse here? Anything I can do other than wait it out? What the hell do I even do?
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE: DMV took away my license for a medical condition I don’t have.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/yg6hey/update_dmv_took_away_my_license_for_a_medical/) - 29 October 2022
Few months ago I posted about losing my license. TLDR: Got a letter from the state my license was revoked for a seizure disorder but I I’ve never had a seizure disorder or a seizure. Had hearing this week, got license back.
I ended up filing an appeal with my state court to have my license reinstated with a letter from my doctor stating that I was clear to drive and had no seizure disorder. I’ve been able to drive, because when your active license is pending appeal, you’re allowed to drive until your hearing.
A few weeks after receiving the notice to appear in court, the DMV sent me a letter saying my license was reinstated and that the suspension was removed from my record. I sent a letter back asking for the original report that caused the suspension, but never got it.
This week I had my court hearing which lasted about 60 seconds. Because the state showed my license had already been reinstated and my record cleared, the judge declared the case was moot, said “congratulations” and sent me on my way.
Before the hearing, I spoke with the opposing attorney for the state and asked him why or how this could’ve happened. He didn’t know for my particular case, it seemed like once he saw that my problem had been resolved, he didn’t look into it much further than that. I asked for a copy of the original report, he said he didn’t have it.
So how did this stupid conspiracy happen? My theory at first was DMV error because DMV, but after going through all of my papers, doctors notes, etc. I don’t think that was it. My only doctor’s appointment in the 6 months before I lost my license was with a check up with my sleep doctor. In my chart they listed I had narcolepsy. I don’t, I have sleep apnea. Didn’t notice at the time of my appointment. I called my insurance and the doctor and they swore that they didn’t file a report and said that “that’s just not something we do.”
My doctor’s office is under the umbrella of a larger organization, so maybe the doctors office didn’t but the organization did. So that’s my best guess, some thing about that new incorrect diagnosis ended up at the state department of transportation. Had to pay court fees and miss two days of work. But it’s done with.
A huge thank you to this subreddit! Everyone’s advice and suggestions told me exactly what I needed to do to make sure I got my license back quickly!
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ysitf3/dmv_took_away_my_license_because_of_a_medical/ | ysitf3 | 4,398 | 5,328 | [
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2022-11-11T19:03:28 | How do I [32 MtF] say thank you to my (foster) parents for being so amazing? | CONCLUDED | **I am not OP.**
Posted by u/howtosaythanks
TW: >!Mention of drug use, overdose and abuse!<
&nbsp;
[**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/5mb7li/) _- January 6, 2017_
I was placed with my foster parents when I was 12 because my biological mother died from an overdose when I was 5 and after she passed way and my "father" abused me. I have no contact with him.
I'll refer to my foster parents as mum and dad though.
I never felt right in my body but I couldn't articulate why- I preferred "girly things" which my dad hated and as soon as I started to hit puberty I become extremely depressed.
I was withdrawn, anti-social and my mum didn't understand why. When I was 14 years old I figured out I was trans and tried to kill myself. My mum walked into my room just as I was trying and then I broke down and told her I was trans and gay to boot.
She held me for a very long time told me none of those things were a problem and then the both of them pretty much threw themselves into research about transitioning, what to do etc, puberty blockers, hormones and even found me a therapist who specializing in transgender children - it was and hour both ways and they'd take turns waiting in the car while I was in my session.
Mum took me shopping, taught me how to apply makeup, gave me books, dating advice, bought me a sewing machine when I expressed interest in sewing.
Both of them fought with CPS to have me change schools when I went through an awkward non-passing teenager stage when I was bullied. Went to meetings with me, dressed down teachers and other parents who didn't understand. Financially helped me out with surgery.
Basically supported me all the way.
No matter what they did, I was depressed. But I feel like it had been anyone else, I'd be dead by now. I was depressed but I found the strength to keep going sometimes for the only reason that I didn't want to be ungrateful for all the effort they were putting in but some days, I was really hanging on by a thread.
I was pretty bad at some stages, I'd written myself of as a lost cause, and the feedback to them at that time probably wasn't encouraging. I wasn't cheerful, social, even doing that well academically, had behavioral issues and a chip on my shoulder and at one stage when I was 18 I nearly had a drug problem but somehow pulled myself back before it became a fully fledged thing.
I tested the limits of their affection a lot.
Now I'm 32 years old, fully transitioned, starting a PhD, lecture at a uni and I've been in an amazing relationship with an amazing woman for the last 5 years.
We're currently looking to adopt a child and as a result I've spent a lot of time thinking about everything that my parents have sacrificed for a kid that originally wasn't even theirs.
I've always thought about it but now that we are looking into the kind of sacrifice, time commitment, lifestyle change etc that having a child involves, I think about it constantly.
They never once were obligated to do anything that they did for me.
I was probably the reason why they didn't take on another foster child-I was a handful all by myself. I've maybe denied another kid out there who needed support from parents like these because of how difficult I was.
I want a way to thank them, I see them often (weekly) and talk to them almost everday, even just for 5 minutes and they tell me/I tell them I love you pretty much every time we talk- it's a habit I got into after I left for college and realized how much I missed them.
But I'm looking for an over and above type thing- if that even exists - not in a money kind of way but just gratitude or something if it even exists.
I'm not trying to "pay them back", I really just want to show how much I am humbled and appreciate everything they've done now that I'm starting to get even just a glimpse of what they've done for me which I wasn't mature enough to realize at the time.
-------------------------------‐------
tl;dr: My (foster) parents went over and above when I was transitioning. I have no idea how to thank them- especially as my partner and I are looking to adopt ourselves.
&nbsp;
[**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/5omul9/) _- January 18, 2017_
Sorry for not responding to any of the original comments. Reading the comments ended up being very emotional- full throat constricting, tears and I had to take breaks because I was getting a bit overwhelmed with the advice.
I did take many people's advice and sort of made it my own.
I took a week off work and read /u/Palavras and /u/riendlymarmite suggestions in particular about a memory jar and childhood milestones. Thank you guys and everyone else who mentioned a letter/adoption etc.
I ended up writing a journal that was addressed to them. Once I started I had a really hard time containing how I felt so the letter became quite long. So being the over the top person I am, I ended up on Pinterest, found a tutorial on making your own paper/ 101 book binding and basically wrote a mini journal/letter and then bound it. I also put photos in as well.
I would post pictures but it's a bit unpolished.
I didn't want to commission art work or a quilt because I wanted to do it myself but my SO does embroidery and she says can do a little pixel persong a cross stitch portrait so we're looking into that too - after our children enter the picture!
I gave them the journal last weekend. They spent Friday/Saturday reading it, we had a very emotional dinner on Saturday especially after I asked them about adult adoption and changing my surname. They were thrilled! They had thought about it too but didn't want to feel like they were taking something of my identity away or pressure me. Cue more tears to the point of my SO joking about gluing tissue boxes to her person.
This has been a very dehydrating week. Thank you so much reddit, I am so glad I posted here! This was seriously an amazing experience.
---
**tl;dr**: Crafts, adoption and electrolyte replacements. | rainingsakuras | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ysjnoa/how_do_i_32_mtf_say_thank_you_to_my_foster/ | ysjnoa | 6,009 | 4,276 | [
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2022-11-11T19:38:20 | AITA for wanting my husband to start paying more for our housing? | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yskny0/aita_for_wanting_my_husband_to_start_paying_more/ | yskny0 | 9 | 0 | [
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2022-11-11T19:53:30 | Hey Mom - I found the ring my bf bought to propose with… should I look at it? | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ysl337/hey_mom_i_found_the_ring_my_bf_bought_to_propose/ | ysl337 | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-11T20:56:35 | WIBTA for not telling my mom that my stepmom is adopting me? | REPOST | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/queen_fairyy in r/amitheasshole**
---
&nbsp;
[**WIBTA for not telling my mom that my stepmom is adopting me?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jjzfpv/wibta_for_not_telling_my_mom_that_my_stepmom_is/) - 28 October 2020
Sorry I’m on mobile.
So I (24f) do not have a good relationship with my bio mom. Our relationship is tolerable due to her living a couple states away and us really only talking once or twice a month. I have a very good relationship with my dad and we are extremely close as a result.
My dad will be officially marrying my stepmom before this year ends but she’s been in my life since I was 13/14. She has always been like a mother to me even when she and my dad weren’t together anymore (they were broken up for a few years and got back together almost 3 years ago) and I view her as my mom, her daughters as my sisters, etc.
I want to honor her as my mom and she’s more than happy to adopt me so we’ll be moving forward with the process soon. I don’t plan to tell my bio mom beforehand because I kinda don’t want to deal with it. I would however make the announcement via social media once everything is official and my bio mom would be finding out that way.
Where I live the bio parents don’t have anything to do with the process once it’s an adult adoption so WIBTA if I say nothing to my bio mom beforehand and just let her find out about my adoption via social media?
Verdict: NAH
**Edit:**
Thank you for all the comments and judgements I read and took into consideration each and every one of them. While the general consensus seems to be that I wouldn’t be in the wrong to not say anything I’ve decided to give my bio mom a heads up prior to posting the news on social media. I’m going to wait till everything is official to tell her and will post an update at that time.
**Update 1:**
So we finally started moving forward with the adoption process! We filed the Petition for an Adult Adoption and paid the filing fee. I got my consent letter notarized today. There’s just a few more papers to do later. SM and Dad are super happy and excited about it especially since they're going to be officially married in a few months (my dad had a stroke due to "that which shall not be named" so the wedding got pushed back)
The average turn around time to be completely finalized is supposed to be 60-90 days, I'm hoping that is still the case despite the current circumstances of the world. I still haven't said anything to my BioMom yet, I'm waiting till everything is official. It's not much of an update but its something for everyone that cared enough to comment last time
&nbsp;
[**Update: WIBTA for not telling my mom that my stepmom is adopting me?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mfv8m7/update_wibta_for_not_telling_my_mom_that_my/) - 29 March 2021
Background summary: My stepmom and I (25F) decided to go through with an adult adoption. I was torn about if I should tell my BioMom about the adoption or not (Bio parents aren't required to be notified for adult adoptions in my state).
So the adoption hearing was this past Thursday! It was meant to be last month but got pushed back due to the freak snowstorm we had. It was online through zoom and it only took 10-15 minutes speaking to the judge and getting the papers signed. After that was done I called my BioMom and spoke with her about our relationship before finally telling her about the adoption.
I told her that my decision wasn't meant to be malicious or hurt her in any way, that it was something that would make me happy, and that it didn't mean we couldn't still have a relationship. She took the news pretty well and said that she'd always love me and be my mom regardless of what a piece of paper says. The call ended on a good note and I'm hopeful that things will stay that way.
My parents and I, along with my SO and son then had a yummy celebratory breakfast and an overall great day. We didn't post about the adoption on social media until a few hours after my BioMom and I had our conversation, but we did get an outpouring of love from friends and family once we shared the news. I know I originally anticipated this update being filled with lots of drama but I'm happy to have been wrong it seems.
**ETA**
since some users thought this should be included: Before telling her about the adoption I did discuss with her my hesitation at letting her have a relationship with my son during our conversation regarding our relationship. I did also made it clear that if my rules and boundaries regarding me/my child weren’t followed she wouldn’t be in his life
**Edit 2:**
Thank you to everyone for the kind words, support, and awards! It truly means a lot!
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ysmvkp/wibta_for_not_telling_my_mom_that_my_stepmom_is/ | ysmvkp | 4,818 | 4,118 | [
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2022-11-11T22:34:17 | Found out my husband is secret millionaire and still charges me $500 rent every month | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwawayhdjw in r/trueoffmychest**
---
&nbsp;
[**Found out my husband is secret millionaire and still charges me $500 rent every month**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yknaoq/found_out_my_husband_is_secret_millionaire_and/) - 3 November 2022
Throwaway account I(26f) met my now husband(25m) 4 years ago online. He was a student at university and I was working full time as a medical tech. He was very hard working, ambitious, goal-oriented person these are some of qualities that was attractive to me, he’s an immigrant and I knew his family’s financial struggles. I was impressed by how far he’s come, I would supporting him in his goals. Soon after we started dating and 2 years ago we got married.
He graduated from college and found a job at a tech company and he would work from home while I’d work 12 hour days on-site. I’d ask about his salary and he would tell me it’s $60k. I didn’t think of it much and continued with life. I only made $20/hr and I have lots of loans that I usually pay.
Fast forward one year, he moved to a new city and while I was struggling to find job in new city so I stayed back for 3 months. After 3 months, he surprises me with a house that is on his name only. He would never talk to me about his finances, he got loan for 400k house on 60k salary. I still didn’t pay attention and Since our marriage he’s the one talking care of finances and taxes etc.
I wanted to purchase house for my mother and sister. I found the perfect house and my bank requested me for Tax returns of last 3 years. I requested my husband to send it to me but he would insist that he’d like to talk to bank or he would handle the situation and would try to convince me that his bank is better than mine but I had already locked down on this deal and I wasn’t going to budge. So finally, after a lot of argument he sent me the tax returns. And, the tax return income for last year was a whopping $1.8M and my contribution was $38K.
All this time, he would fight with me for small and little expenses. He bought 2007 beater Toyota with MY money and he still charges me $500 every month. I don’t understand HOW he got so much money and Why he tried to hide it from me.
Since I found out, he told me his bank is empty, he spent it all, sent it back home to his parents etc. I am lost and I have a lot of questions.
**Update:**
I couldn’t read all the comments. But, I can answer few questions before I go to work. I will post more update later.
I said, I made 38K last year doesn’t mean I make the same now. I make around $50K and I wanted buy one small house for my mother and 6 yr old sister in a LCOL area.
Yes, i bought him his first and only car 3 years ago and he hasn’t returned me any money yet.
&nbsp;
[**Secret Millionaire Update**](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwawayhdjw/comments/ylzs0z/secret_millionaire_update/) - 4 November 2022
Since last post gained lots of traction, here an update.
First of all, I’d like to thank you all for encouraging me to speak up of my right.
Since then we had some discussion, and we’ve come to an alignment.
As I had mentioned earlier, we both love and care for each other. So, I’d have hard time leaving him. I know people asked to get divorce and lawyer up etc etc but I didn’t want to make it messy.
He was very vague about the source of the money but pointed out that he owned an LLC that was acquired or merger?! Anyway, important thing here is he agreed to fund 50% of the house that I was planning to buy for my mother and promised me a new G wagon, I know I’m gonna lot of hate for this, but I think communication works most of the time. Also, he’s got potential to go great things 5-10 years down the lane, I wouldn’t want to leave him high and dry.
I feel like I am worth way more than 900K, I provided him with the right energy and homely atmosphere hence he was able to do what he does. So, me being with him is only going to help him in future.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yspb4o/found_out_my_husband_is_secret_millionaire_and/ | yspb4o | 4,063 | 12,696 | [
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2022-11-12T03:39:10 | All of these are so fake. | CONCLUDED | [removed] | Wayne47 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ysvjck/all_of_these_are_so_fake/ | ysvjck | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-12T17:07:08 | OOP - My (F25) boyfriend (M28) has a really clingy best friend (F24) Do I give him an ultimatum or not? I don’t trust their friendship? | CONCLUDED | I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/amicrazy1786 in r/relationship_advice.
[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/l0jdqw/my_f25_boyfriend_m28_has_a_really_clingy_best/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (19 Jan 21)
**My (F25) boyfriend (M28) has a really clingy best friend (F24) Do I give him an ultimatum or not? I don’t trust their friendship?**
Please read update below
So this is really long story but basically I don’t trust my boyfriend and his best (female) friend’s relationship and I think they’ve either had sex before or dated. So we’ve been dating for about 6 months now and I’m really head over heels in love with this guy. He’s amazing really good looking and the best sex I’ve ever had. I really don’t want to lose him if I’m just being paranoid but he’s my first ever proper relationship and I don’t know I’m missing red flags.
After 2 months of dating I noticed that she face times him a lot (I’m talking at least 3 times a day) and they always seem to make goofy faces at eachother and act super close and silly way different to how he is with me. They’ve been friends for 5 or 6 years and they met through someone else. She is the only person on his phone with an emoji next to her name (it’s a crown and then a heart) and told me that the reason why that is, is because her nickname by everyone is princess so it’s always been that way since they met.
I didn’t really care until one day we were in a shop together and I asked if they ever dated before and he casually told me that they were going to date before but she slept with one of his friends so they never did, and she regretted it and actually had feelings for him but he didn’t feel the same way so they just continued being friends.
That made me worried especially because they text and face time all the time and she calls him even if it’s 3am just to chat or if she needs help with something and he always drops everything to speak to her. They have a secret SOS code with each-other which means that they have to drop everything to help each-other out even if we are on face time he will tell me she has an SOS and will call me back after.
Today he was on face time with her and she asked where he was and he said he was ‘out with a friend’ and then later another friend called him (a guy) and he told him he was with me his gf. I asked him why he told her he was with a friend but the other guy he specifically said gf.
He told me to drop it and that I was being paranoid and didn’t remember. Then he admitted he hadn’t really told her much about me although she knows me roughly cause he didn’t want to tell all of his friends unless we are 100% serious. So he only has told a few friends. However he has another female friend who he told about me and he’s really close to her so I think he’s lying.
I was playing with his phone (he was on mine) and as a joke we were going through each others pictures (he didn’t mind he allowed it and it was just a joke) and we were laying on bed. When I found a video she sent him of her having sex with a guy. I asked him why she would send him that if they are just friends and he said it was years ago with an ex of hers and she sent it to him as a joke.
That was super weird. Anyway I ignored it but still felt like something was off. So I went back on his phone later when he wasn’t looking. I know 100% this was wrong but felt like he was lying. And I found messages from him to her saying that they have to tone down their FaceTimes to a friendship level because his aunt is coming over for the weekend. Even though it was me he was seeing over the weekend so he lied to her about me being here. I couldn’t confront him as I didn’t want him to know I went through his phone.
Then he invited me out to spend the day with his friends (one guy and a girl) and I asked if his female best friend would be coming and he said no cause she’s sick.
I also thought he was lying and hiding something. I feel like they have dated before or she has feelings for him. And I don’t trust them two together. Especially as he does photography as a side job and has taken pictures of her and his other friend in lingerie for his portfolio at his house (he showed me all the pics he has a separate insta for it.)
I told him I don’t trust her because of the sex video and the fact he’s seen her in lingerie cause of his side job. So he finally agreed to tell her about me on the phone in front of me and told her to reassure me that they are just friends. Instead she was super rude to me and told me that whatever friendship she and him have is none of my business and that I should just trust whatever he says or break up with him. He didn’t even back me up or anything or tell her off. He hung up and we didn’t speak about it and I left cause I was so upset.
I just feel super insecure and worried and he always tells me I’m being paranoid and that if he wanted to date her they would already. But now I feel super betrayed and like he didn’t even stand up for me and I went home and cried and haven’t spoken to him since.
Should I give him an ultimatum to stop being friends with her or should I am I just being a paranoid crazy girlfriend?
**UPDATE**: he texted me all day begging me to come over so he can explain. I came all the way to his house crying my eyes out asking him to tell me the truth about his female friend and I admitted that I saw the text between them both about me being an aunt. Then he said I must have been confused and said that he never sent her that. I went back on his phone and he deleted it.
Then I cried and asked him why he allowed his friend to talk to me like that and he said that when I left he called her back and told her that the way she spoke to me was unacceptable and even deleted the emojis next to her name to try and prove it. I cried and said it wasn’t good enough and that he needs to get her to apologise on the phone cause I didn’t believe him. He was reluctant and finally he called her and when she answered he was being super weird and didn’t even want to say I was in the room.
Then she asked why he was calling and why he was acting weird and she was like “oh are you with your aunt?” So then I got fed up and shouted and asked him why she would ask that unless he did send her the text. Then he got flustered and was like oh I don’t know what your talking about there’s no aunt. And then his friend was like oh I know it’s that girl your with again, and I asked her outright to apologise and she refused saying she had nothing to be sorry for. Then he feebly tried to ask her to apologise saying where I was coming from (clearly just to please me not really meaning it and she could tell).
Then he said that he can’t force her to apologise and he can see both sides. Then he tried to say it was my fault and I shouldn’t have been snooping through his phone and that I shouldn’t have shouted at his friend as his gf even though SHE was rude to me first. Literally I can’t take his manipulation and lies, I started crying again and his female friend then turned on ME calling ME a red flag for going through his phone and being obsessed and weird and saying me and him haven’t been going out that long to get involved in hers and his friendship.
Then I shouted we were together for 6 months and she didn’t know. Either way she didn’t care and said that I am not good for him. He didn’t even interrupt her or explain or anything. I had enough and stormed out I cried the whole way home and I have blocked him. He has called me about 30 times.
My best friend thinks he may have been trying to use me for a passport (he’s from another country) and thinks that the girl may have been in on it. I am so heartbroken and I can’t stop crying. I honestly thought he was the one but I am very naive and easily led on. I should have known better :(
**ANOTHER UPDATE**: I should probably make a whole new post but anyway. He has a separate phone which he has been calling me on ALL day. I ignored all of them. Then a different number called me and it was his other female friend and basically she was trying to vouch for him and explain that he’s a really good guy. Then when I told her everything she was shocked cause she didn’t know.
Then she admitted even more stuff that I didn’t know before. That they all got drunk and kissed before at a club her him and the other girl and that once they played truth or dare and the other female best friend was dared to kiss his penis as a joke both was years ago. That creeped me out so much. Then she was like apart from this stuff nothing else that she knows off has happened and that even though that stuff happened they still are only just friends.
She admitted that the other girl did have feelings for him and probably still does but he doesn’t feel the same way and told me that she did try to tell them that their weird friendship would stop any of them from being in a relationship with others. Anyway I told her to forget it I don’t need his friends begging doing his dirty work for him and that I don’t need this kinda drama in my life. Then she was like “oh but you shouldn’t have been rude to her and him that shows disrespect as his gf I’m just being honest. And you should be careful as he’s a good guy he’s just not good at explaining himself. ”
I’m mentally a bit slow I have autism and my English isn’t that great. People always make fun of me or take advantage of me and my good nature and I can get wrapped up in stuff like getting excited with dating and I forget that it’s not even that real (I can’t explain but if you know what I mean.) they are still trying to make it seem like it’s my fault and I’m the crazy rude one and shouldn’t have gone on his phone.
Plus it’s too crazy him getting other people to call me. Begging for me back. Now I’m 100% sure he’s trying to use me otherwise he wouldn’t be trying so hard to still be with me, anyway I blocked that other girl and told her to leave me alone too and for people to stop the calls to me.
**Reminder - I'm not the OOP** | prettiergenghis | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ytcqbd/oop_my_f25_boyfriend_m28_has_a_really_clingy_best/ | ytcqbd | 10,152 | 9,606 | [
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2022-11-12T17:53:41 | DOG n BALLS | INCONCLUSIVE | [removed] | Astavicious | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ytdvs7/dog_n_balls/ | ytdvs7 | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-12T18:09:37 | OOP best friend gives him a drug and the experience has been nothing short of weird | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yte9od/oop_best_friend_gives_him_a_drug_and_the/ | yte9od | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-12T18:12:13 | OOP is slipped a drug by his highschool friend and it is nothing short of unworldy with a twist | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ytebvw/oop_is_slipped_a_drug_by_his_highschool_friend/ | ytebvw | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-12T18:14:11 | OOP: I [33F] have slept with both of my best friends and my boyfriend [36M] of 4yrs is uncomfortable with that | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ytedg5/oop_i_33f_have_slept_with_both_of_my_best_friends/ | ytedg5 | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-12T18:33:49 | Homophobe gets mad when his Pokémon cards arrive in a pink envelope, only wants American Flag colors | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Cowabunga_PizzaSlice**
trigger warnings: >!homophobia!<
---
&nbsp;
[**AITA For sending pink envelopes?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/trf20a/aita_for_sending_pink_envelopes/?context=3) - March 29 2022
I sell Pokémon cards on eBay as a side job. I have been doing it way before; the rush on Pokémon cards was a big thing. When I mail out my cards, I like to send them in different colored envelopes to stand out. The colors are red, blue, pink, green, and yellow. They are randomly picked and using different colors helps me remember who has what order. I have never gotten a complaint before and thought it was a great idea. So, when your letter arrives it’s a fun experience instead of just getting a PWE. ( Plain White Envelope)
I had an order for a card that was randomly put in a pink envelope and mailed off to the buyer. About a week or so later I get a message on eBay from the buyer asking me not to send him pink envelopes because pink is for girls, and he doesn’t want his neighbors to see him carry in a pink letter. About a week goes by and I add more items to my eBay and this person bought more things from me. About ten different cards. I don’t remember him from all the other orders, so one of his packages gets sent in a pink envelope. I had a lot of orders that week and a lot of people got pink envelopes along with different colors. I’m also sure another one of his orders was sent in a blue one.
He messages me again, furious that I have sent him another pink envelope. He informed me that he would not buy from me again if the next envelope was pink. His message also included “I don’t want another pink letter only sending me color associated with the American flag, so only red and blues. If it’s on the gay flag, I don’t want it.” Weird because the pride flag is a rainbow, but I digress. He sent other things that he felt were associated with pink that he didn’t want to be associated with, but I think we all get the point.
So about two weeks later he orders about twenty cards, which is over the weight limit for eBay standard card shipping, so I broke his order down into separate orders. Cards were bought in different orders of five, so it was easy to do. I had a buy three get two free.
I decided I didn’t want this person to go without his pink envelopes any longer, so I sent him five separate pink letters for his cards. Now, where I think I was being the A-hole was while talking to my girlfriend, she defended him, saying “he could have been in the closet, and you exposed him to his family.” I tried to show her the messages where I don’t think that is the case. So she changed it to " He doesn't want to be made fun of by his neighbors and now he will." But now I feel bad that he did ask to not get them sent anymore, but I decided to be petty.
So reddit AITA?
**verdict NTA**
u/classyraven
> The irony here is that red and blue are both on the rainbow flag. Pink is not, unless you count the original 8-colour flag made by Gilbert Baker—but that's almost never used anymore.
&nbsp;
[**You Don't Want Pink Envelopes?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge/comments/vdnnym/you_dont_want_pink_envelopes/) - June 16 2022
Sorry, this update took this long, but what better time than Pride Month!
To clarify some things the cards are safe in the mail. They are in card saver penny sleeves and taped to cardboard, so they do not move. The shipping is way cheaper that way by like a three-dollar difference. If the total card value is under twenty, they can be shipped that way.
This took its weirdest turn. I honestly did not see it coming. So, he finally got all his pink envelopes in the mail and decided to complain to eBay about how I was being aggressive and forcing pink envelopes on him. The eBay team contacted me and wanted to either give him a refund or just return the item. I told them if he wants to return the latest items, I would be happy to take them back. So, they informed this person that I was willing to accept the return. This man never returned the cards but claimed he did and wanted a refund. Because there was no shipping information, nor did I ever receive a package, I did not have to return the money. He the messages me about how I am not only ripping him off but also shoving the and I quote “Gay agenda “down his throat. On eBay, when you send a message to a seller, you can also attach pictures if needed for the return process or whatever it may be. He sent pictures of him burning the pink envelopes in his fire pit while sitting in a lawn chair with an American flag in his hand. It was multiple pictures of how “American “he was.
Now I read every single reply to this post, and while I agree I was being petty, I cannot let this go without being petty right back. So, I found every order he placed and tallied it up to an exact amount. I would say approximately thirty dollars. Look online for the LGBTQ+ Charities and Nonprofits near me or online to donate to. I donated his entire amount to one of them under my name. But I changed the name in the document to his first name and sent him a picture of the donation. I hid it within the message letting him know I never received his return of these items with pictures of the pick list I printed out and the donation slip being the last one I uploaded. I have not heard from him since, and I have blocked him from purchasing from me again.
A lot of you have asked about my girlfriend and why she took his side and a lot of you said that was not very healthy. We had a big argument about how she is taking not only a stranger’s side but a homophobic one at that. Come to find out she did not care about this person but just wanted a justified reason to leave me for her coworker! So that was a twist I was not prepared for. I will not get to much into that, but she was looking for any reason she could beyond this to justify her actions.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | darrow19 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ytetv1/homophobe_gets_mad_when_his_pokémon_cards_arrive/ | ytetv1 | 6,015 | 6,055 | [
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2022-11-12T18:54:35 | My sister (20) animated/deep faked a photo of our late grandfather, thinking our mom (50) would love it. Instead, it made mom super upset, and now they aren't speaking to each other. | REPOST | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwrafamilyphoto in r/relationship_advice**
---
&nbsp;
[**My sister (20) animated/deep faked a photo of our late grandfather, thinking our mom (50) would love it. Instead, it made Mom super upset, and now they aren't speaking to each other.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/p3182q/my_sister_20_animateddeep_faked_a_photo_of_our/) - 12 August 2021
TL:DR; - My sister animated a photo of our late grandfather, thinking my mom would love it. Instead, Mom hated it, the two of them aren't speaking to each other, and I (23F) feel caught in the middle.
Backstory: My mom's father died in a car accident when she was 16, so my sister and I never met him. My mom was an only child and a total Daddy's Girl, so she always made sure to tell us stories about him and keep him alive in our hearts. She only really had one good photo of him though, showing a serious, handsome man of about 40, and that photo has had a special place in our living room all of our lives.
What happened: My mom's 50th birthday was last week, and we had a small gathering at home to celebrate. All week long, my sister said she found the perfect present for Mom but said it was a surprise for me too and wouldn't tell me what it was.
The party starts and we're all having a good time. Right before we're about to cut the cake, my sister says there's one more special guest about to arrive. She cues up her computer, turns on the TV, and there on the screen is the picture of my grandfather - but it's moving, blinking, and smiling. She used one of those programs (IDK what they're called, but you may have seen them with like talking Abraham Lincoln and singing celebrities) to add motion to the photo. The video was only about 15 seconds long, and the editing wasn't perfect, but to see this photo I had seen all my life move and actually smile was very cool - for me.
However, my mom's demeanor instantly changed, and I could tell by her reaction that she was upset. She held it together in the moment and politely thanked my sister for the video, but very shortly afterwards she said she wasn't feeling well, left the party, and spent the rest of the evening alone in her room. I went to check up on her, but she said she wanted to be left alone and for me to entertain the guests. Without the guest of honor, the party fizzled out shortly afterwards. My sister, for her part, was stunned by the reaction, and also spent the rest of the night in a very noticeable sulk.
That was Sunday. It's now Thursday, and neither of them have really spoken to each other since. My sister thinks Mom overreacted and embarrassed her, and she's hurt that what was supposed to be a nice gesture totally backfired. I finally was able to talk to Mom a little bit about it yesterday, and her feeling is that it was "distasteful," but she didn't really elaborate beyond that and I didn't want to push.
I feel conflicted, because I see both viewpoints - how my sister thought my mom would like it, and how my mom thought it was creepy to see her dad "alive" again - but I'm not sure how to bridge the gap or get the two of them to reconcile the matter. The three of us are very close and have a great relationship, so it's hard to see them both so upset and distant. Is this just a time heals all wounds thing, and I should wait it out? Get them to sit down and talk to each other? My feeling is that Mom wants my sister to apologize, but my sister doesn't think she did anything wrong.
Thank you for reading and for any advice - this came out longer than planned, but I guess I just needed to share my feelings with someone.
&nbsp;
[**Update: My sister (20) animated/deep faked a photo of our late grandfather, thinking our mom (50) would love it. Instead, it made Mom super upset, and now they aren't speaking to each other.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/p4c357/update_my_sister_20_animateddeep_faked_a_photo_of/) - 14 August 2021
I return with a happy update, but first wanted to thank everyone who contributed for their comments and suggestions, particularly those who replied with grace and compassion. I found it helpful to get impartial outsiders' view of the matter, and I read each and every comment. I hope to address a few recurring themes I noticed and update with what happened yesterday.
1. Some comments have asked if my sister was filming or making her own video, and she was not. She’s no content creator, but certainly a content consumer. I genuinely believe she was doing it from a place of caring and thought in her heart of hearts that Mom would really appreciate it. However, as many suggested, she was definitely inspired by all the viral videos that showed people absolutely loving these kinds of photos, and in particular the hologram video Kim Kardashian got of her father for her birthday. She thought she was doing something to make my mom really happy, and the fact that it instead made her really sad was very jarring.
2. Some comments came down hard on my mom for "the silent treatment" or “punishing” my sister, and I apologize for giving that impression - it's more like two usually chatty, vibrant people had been walking on eggshells around each other, likely out of a combo of awkwardness, pride, and shame. If you've ever seen the episode of The Simpsons where Bart shoplifts and Marge is a much more muted version of her normal self ("Good night" instead of "Good night and sweet dreams, my special little guy!"), it was exactly like that. It was hard to read the comments calling Mom manipulative or immature or an ice witch, or my sister a selfish soulless psychopath, since they are two of the world’s sweetest people.
3. Some comments suggested that maybe my mom's reaction might imply something more sinister about her relationship with her dad, hidden trauma, or that I don't know the whole truth about my grandfather. While I never met the man and of course only have a filtered perception of him, there's never been any indication from my mom, other family members, or friends that he was anything other than a good guy and loving dad who died very suddenly and, importantly for this discussion, very young.
I’m jumping ahead a little bit, but my grandfather was 49 when he died, just a few weeks shy of his own 50th birthday. In addition to general "oh god, what have I done with my life" angst that came with this milestone, this was also the birthday where Mom "outlived" him. I have to admit, I was embarrassed I didn't think about that until she herself brought it up.
Anyway, yesterday morning, my sister approached me and asked if I had any suggestions about talking to Mom. We talked about how, hindsight being 20/20, she realized what a bad idea it was, and not just because of the reaction. She said something like “I wanted to create a new memory, without thinking about how they might mess with the old ones,” and how a surprise like that in front of others was basically demanding a reaction one way or the other. Another relative at the party also piled on her about how it looked nothing like him, so she felt like was getting shat on from all sides. She wasn’t sure if I was mad too, and was hoping I’d go with her to talk to Mom so she’d at least have one person on her side. I said yes, and using some of the language/suggestions I got here, I encouraged her to apologize, without trying to justify or blame, and see where that led.
My sister approached Mom on her own and asked if she would be able to talk about what happened Sunday, if it was ok if I came too, and Mom said absolutely. There was a long period of silence, but before my sister could start talking, Mom said something like, “Let me explain why I’ve been feeling a certain way.”
Mom then explained how much anxiety she had around this birthday in general, of which we had no idea. She organized the party and thought being around friends and family would make her feel better, but she still had this general angst she couldn’t quite put her finger on. And then the video, a very visible and literally moving reminder of everything she was trying to keep to herself.
Apparently, everything was kinda ok up until the part where the video smiled. “The last time I saw him smile was in my dreams,” she said, and it brought up all the feelings she was bottling up - milestones missed, life unlived, stories unshared, and now someone forever young at 49 as she gets older and older. She had been trying not to think about him at all that day, and then – BAM! She said she felt simultaneously 16 and 50 at the same time, and it was just too much to handle at the moment. She needed more time than she realized to process the feelings, and didn’t want to burden us with what she called her “mid-life mortality crisis.” My sister then burst into tears and apologized, and said she had been spending all week ashamed of herself for planning one of these “gifts for someone else that’s really for you” kinda things.
I’m summarizing and omitting a lot, and this was a conversation that lasted hours and hours. I think we all now understand what the other was feeling/trying to do was only out of love, but also that the unintended fallout caused hurt emotions all around that needed to be dealt with, which we are now trying to do.
Thank you again for taking the time to participate and help me sort out some of my own complex emotions. As is often the case, a little time to process and a lot of honest communication was the key. I think we are definitely all in a much better place than we were when I posted, and I hope we all continue to learn from this (and maybe not look to the Kardashians for gift advice.)
Update TL;DR: Sister apologized, Mom and Sister both explained where they were coming from, listened to each other, and talked (and cried) it out. It was a naïve and misguided gift but done with the best of intentions, and Mom and Sister have come to an understanding. Lots of tears, lots of hugs, but all is well.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ytfb15/my_sister_20_animateddeep_faked_a_photo_of_our/ | ytfb15 | 10,084 | 6,709 | [
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2022-11-12T20:21:31 | My BF has a work wife and I hate it | ONGOING | [removed] | ohohButternut | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ythbcp/my_bf_has_a_work_wife_and_i_hate_it/ | ythbcp | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-12T20:28:09 | My brother has supervised visits with his kids. The court appointed supervisor for the visits meant to text gossip about my brothers case to her mom but sent it to my brother instead and then made a ridiculous lie to try and backtrack. | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwRA_161114218610 in r/legaladvice**
---
&nbsp;
[**My brother has supervised visits with his kids. The court appointed supervisor for the visits meant to text gossip about my brothers case to her mom but sent it to my brother instead and then made a ridiculous lie to try and backtrack.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/xxrhxa/my_brother_has_supervised_visits_with_his_kids/) - 7 October 2022
My brother is in Idaho and has no lawyer, going through a divorce with two children involved. Trying to keep it as anonymous as possible.
He was at a supervised visit with his two kids at a place sort of like Chuck E. Cheese and the court appointed supervisor was there to observe and report on my brother’s behavior. At one point my niece had to use the bathroom so my brother takes her to the family bathroom which is a single, lockable room with a toilet, urinal and sink. He uses the urinal while his daughter uses the toilet.
When he comes out the supervisor asks my brother if he used the urinal in there. He said yes. The night went on with playing with the kids.
When it was time to load up the kids in the car, the court supervisor approached my brother and told him he might get a text from her because according to her, “When I submit my report to the court online, sometimes it texts you a transcript of the report. For whatever reason, certain sentences and/or words that group together in a specific way end up being converted to emojis. It must be a bug in the system.”
My brother thinks it’s weird but gets in the car, drops the kids off and when he gets home he checks his phone. There is a text from her phone number that reads, “*Last name case*: little girl needs to go potty so they go into the bathroom together and dad decides he needs to use the urinal 🤮🤮🤮 Like, literally?? That’s disgusting!”
So this is obviously not an official count report on the supervised visit, it’s a text she meant to send to someone else.
My question is, without a lawyer, what are my brother’s options here to report this and get a different supervisor for his visits? Since fhe doesn’t have a lawyer we don’t know any steps to take or forms to file with the court. I appreciate any help you all can provide.
ETA: I made this post and then went to bed. When I woke up soooo many comments mentee and I appreciate that. I’m still going through the comments but a lot of them are telling me he needs a layer. He had one but couldn’t afford them anymore so I was hoping to get advice on how he can go about reporting without a lawyer. I’ll keep reading comments but can’t reply due to the post being locked. I’ll update you as soon as something happens!
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE: My brother has supervised visits with his kids. The court appointed supervisor for the visits meant to text gossip about my brothers case to her mom but sent it to my brother instead and then made a ridiculous lie to try and backtrack.**](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwRA_161114218610/comments/y480wn/update_my_brother_has_supervised_visits_with_his/) - 15 October 2022
My last post got enough likes and followers that I imagine some want an update so here we go.
My brother got in touch with one of the resources that a user sent me (thank you SO much u/NoOnesPrey) and they could get him on a waitlist for a lawyer which he will get next month but they told him exactly who to call to file a complaint and what form to submit to the court. He called the number right away and got in touch with the court appointed supervisor’s direct supervisor. This is how the conversation went:
Supervisor: I read your complaint and saw the attached screenshots of the texts. I agree that this was unprofessional and I will have a talk with her. The point is though, she is supposed to watch you with your kids and you should be adjusting your behavior to completely appropriate, no matter what you think is normal.
My brother: I understand that the position I am in requires me to be under increased scrutiny and will even give you the point that I should not have used the urinal while my daughter was in the stall next to me but what my complaint about is that (court supervisor’s name) clearly accidentally texted me instead of a friend or family member and it was an inappropriate text about my case, with my name and she used barf emojis to convey how disgusted she was with me. She shouldn’t be discussing cases with anyone but the court and I don’t want to even think about how many other people she is doing this to.
Court supervisor: I agree and already said I would have s talk with her. What else would you like me to do?
My brother: at the very least I think she should be in deeper trouble for this but I can see that you are keeping it minimized so can I get a different court supervisor for my visits with my kids?
Supervisor: yes, I can do that. Your next visit is in a little under two weeks and I’ll reassign your case by then.
My brother thanked her and they had the usual pleasantries you do when you end a call.
My brother was really disappointed that this woman didn’t take the actions of her employee more seriously and he told me that it made him feel even more low and that was compounding with his depression. I comforted him and reminded him of all the wonderful qualities I have seen in him since day 1. He is 5 years younger than me and born the day before my 5th birthday. I remember thinking he was the best birthday present a little girl could ask for. Love this guy SO MUCH.
I asked him if he wanted me to contact the media, call that supervisor myself, ya know, make a big stink. He quietly told me that he is stretched so thin by his pending divorce (it’s been tumultuous to say the least) and depressed by how little he gets to see his kids that he doesn’t have the energy to keep fighting this.
I can respect his feelings and I told him I wouldn’t push it but man, do I want to. You guys, SO BAD. I mentioned that she could be doing this to other fathers and because it’s a small town n Idaho, she could gossip to someone that knows the person personally and that could really affect someone else’s life terribly. He agreed and said, “I’m sorry sis, I just don’t have the mental or emotional bandwidth to think about that right now.”
So I’ve decided that I do have the emotional bandwidth and if he ever changes his mind, I would do the work to expose this woman. We have to leave it at that though because I don’t want to stress him out more and I want to respect his boundaries.
&nbsp;
[Comment from OOP on this post:](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ythgmt/my_brother_has_supervised_visits_with_his_kids/iw6e8s8/)
>I’ll start by saying this is all info my brother told me. It is his side of the story and I have never heard her side. I tend to trust my brother as I have observed her to have abusive and manipulative tendencies towards my brother. But just know, I’m expressing below, what he claims is the truth. I live in Wa state so I didn’t see this particular incident.
>
>I am actually the sister who posted this. I lost the log in information with my throw away account. The reason for the supervised visits is because my brother claims that when they would argue, she would hit him and throw things at him and the second he tries to hold her down or defend himself, she would call the police. When the police showed up, he would be the one taken to jail or told to leave the home. The last straw was a pretty big argument in which resulted to her grabbing a knife, lunging at him and he grabbed her hand, hit it against the counter several times to the point where she had a sprained wrist. She dropped the knife and then he called the police.
>
>When the cops arrived, his soon to be ex-wife told them he attacked her. He said she attacked him with a knife. Since the police couldn’t prove what happened either way, the cops told him he had to leave. He left that night to stay with our other brother who lives in the same town.
>
>She blocked him on every platform and way of communication and immediately got a lawyer and had him served with divorce papers. Due to the fact that he was the one the police told to leave every time, that was enough for the court to grant his soon to be ex’s wishes of him having supervised visits with the kids.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ythgmt/my_brother_has_supervised_visits_with_his_kids/ | ythgmt | 8,457 | 7,762 | [
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2022-11-12T21:34:55 | AITA for taking my son home when my sister gave him something he was allergic to? | ONGOING | **I am not the OP. The original post was posted in r/AmItheAsshole on 26 October 2022 and can be found here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ydmmbv/aita_for_taking_my_son_home_when_my_sister_gave/**
**The update was posted at an edit at the bottom of the original post at an unspecified time thereafter (date of edit wasn't posted and I couldn't find anything verifying the time of the edit).**
**Trigger warnings: child abuse. Mood spoilers: >!frustrating, but justice is in progress!<.**
---
I (32F) have a son (6M) who has allergies. One of these allergies is food based so I'm very careful when preparing his meals. His allergies are moderate so I don't need an EpiPen but I still carry one just to be sure. (The reason I'm mentioning this will come up soon)
My sister (38F) has three kids of her own who were blessed with no allergies so they can eat whatever they like. Her oldest (13M) had a birthday party not long ago but I had a work related appointment so I dropped my son off so he could attend. My sister is well aware of his allergies and I asked if she would be serving food that was okay for him to eat. She assured me all was well but I now know it wasn't.
When I returned to pick him up he was covered in a rash and crying. I immediately recognized it as his allergy acting up and called my sister to the side.
I asked if his food had been cross contaminated but she straight out told me she directly gave him what he was allergic to. I nearly flipped out and had to go outside to calm down.
She defended her actions by saying I was 'babying' him and that he needed to learn to grow out of his allergy. She continued by saying she gave her boys everything so that's why they were stronger and healthier than my son.
I admit I screamed at her after that and said some things I'm not proud of but she angrily told me that it was her son's birthday and it wasn't right that my son was getting 'special' food from everyone else. I pointed out that his allergies are nothing for him to feel special about and she countered by saying that if I'm so bothered by his itching I should give him the EpiPen so it could stop.
I immediately left in my car and when I looked back and saw that my son had cut himself all over from scratching I cried. She called me in the middle of the night and angrily demanded that I apologize to her and her son for ruining his party but I hung up. AITA?
Update:
I'm posting the update here since mods removed the last one.
From reading all the comments I decided to press charges against my sister. Also I didn't include this in the post but my son has an egg allergy so I felt at fault for taking him to a party with pastries but I got a lot of encouraging words so I know I'm not at fault. Thank you to all the Redditors that made me realize that I had to get something done because if I'd done something like this to one of her boys she would retaliate immediately. I don't want to go into full details but the reason I didn't report what she did was because she is in a custody battle with her husband for her kids and I didn't want this to be another reason against her. However I can't ignore it any longer and although I don't want her to lose her kids I have to protect mine. She did this to herself and luckily my son seems fine right now but I'll take him by the pediatrician later if I see any changes.
---
**Flairing this as ongoing - hopefully we can get an update as the legal case resolves.**
**E/N, ETA: A note about EpiPens: my understanding is that if it's worth carrying one EpiPen, it's worth carrying two. One may be defective, or another may be necessary to control the reaction long enough to get to a hospital. Not judging OP at all, as I think this is a common misconception/mis-prescription and maybe they actually do have two but didn't feel the need to specify. I'm only adding this because I learned this recently and thought it was worth mentioning on a post about allergies. Everyone should be aware about allergic reactions, because knowledge can be the difference between life and death.** | Motor_Crow4482 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ytj1gm/aita_for_taking_my_son_home_when_my_sister_gave/ | ytj1gm | 4,101 | 4,870 | [
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2022-11-12T21:40:57 | AITA for telling my wife her parents are not allowed to ever watch our son again? | REPOST | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/nobaptismahole in r/amitheasshole**
---
&nbsp;
[**AITA For telling my wife her parents are not allowed to ever watch our son again**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iycyxr/aita_for_telling_my_wife_her_parents_are_not/) - 23 September 2020
My wife and I have a 2-year old son and have been married for 4 years. Our anniversary was a month ago and we found a nice, secluded cabin on AirBnB and rented it out for a long weekend getaway. My wife asked her parents if they would be willing to watch our son and they agreed as long as we dropped him off at their house. That worked for us since it was on our way anyway.
I was raised lutheran and my wife was raised catholic, but neither of us currently go to church and have not had our son baptized. My MIL knows this and hates it. She thinks our son needs to be baptized or he will burn in hell, she's that kind of catholic.
So we go on our trip and when we pick up our son and ask how the weekend went, MIL says everything went fine and that she has saved my son's soul from the devil. I ask her what she meant and she says she had our son baptized that morning at her church. I tried my best to keep my cool so I didn't scream at MIL in front of my son, but I pretty much grabbed my son and left. On the car ride home I was fuming and told my wife as calmly as I could that this would be the last time her parents have our son unsupervised. She tried to downplay what her mom had done but I told her we need to wait until we get home to talk about it because I'm not fighting in front of my kid.
When we got home and had a chance to talk about it, things got heated. I told my wife I no longer trust her parents with our son and that if they did something like this behind our backs I can't trust them to respect our wishes as parents in the future. I said this was a huge breach of trust and I will forever look at her mom differently. She continued to try to defend her mom saying that she was only doing what she thought was best for her grandson. She even downplayed it by saying that it's just a little water and a few words and we don't go to church anyway so what does it matter.
I told her that under no circumstances will I allow her parents to watch our son by themselves again. I said that we can still let them see their grandson, but only if we are present. I also said that if she doesn't see what the big deal is with this situation, that maybe we aren't on the same page as parents and maybe we need to see a counsellor. She started crying and said that this isn't the kind of decision I get to make on my own and I'm an asshole for trying to tell her what kind of relationship her parents can have with our son.
I told her that I no longer have any trust or respect for her parents and that I don't know if there's anything they can do to repair that. I told her I don't care if that makes me an asshole, but what her parents did was unforgiveable in my eyes and they put themselves in this position to lose privileges with our son. She's been trying to convince me to change my mind for the last month, but I'm not budging. To me this is a hill I'm willing to die on.
Verdict: NTA
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE AITA For telling my wife her parents are not allowed to watch our son ever again**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j9qr0l/update_aita_for_telling_my_wife_her_parents_are/) - 12 October 2020
First off I want to thank everyone who sent me supportive messages and advice, I never expected my post to get so much attention. Since many of you requested an update, here we go.
Turns out some of you were right, my wife was in on it. I confronted her a couple days after I posted and directly asked her if she knew that her parents planned this. She broke down and confessed everything to me. MIL had been pestering her about baptizing our son nonstop and my wife finally caved. My wife has been working from home during covid while my job requires me to go into the office. My wife and MIL started doing zoom meetings with MIL's priest to start the baptism process. They lied to the priest and told him that I was ok with baptizing our son but didn't want to be involved. The priest allowed it and they started doing online baptism classes while I was at work.
My wife admitted that she planned it around our anniversary getaway and that MIL had somehow convinced the priest that her and FIL would be the only ones in attendance. My wife told me that I wasn't supposed to find out, but MIL couldn't keep her mouth shut for even one day about it. Their intention was to keep this from me permanently.
I did contact the church to let them know the truth. I talked with the priest and he was surprisingly helpful. He said he would take the proper steps to make sure MIL is no longer welcome in their church and to reach out to the local parish to see what further steps need to be taken. I have yet to hear back from them on that. My wife and MIL are mad that I got her kicked out of her church, but I don't care what they think or feel anymore.
These people who I love and trust had betrayed me and I felt a range emotions I didn't know existed. My wife begged for forgiveness, but the fact that she didn't come clean on her own makes me feel she would have kept this from me unless I confronted her. She's willing to do therapy, counseling, whatever it takes. I don't know if I want to put in that work, I feel like there's no coming back from this.
I contacted a divorce lawyer and started discussing what a divorce would look like and if there is any way I can add provisions to a divorce agreement that would keep my inlaws from seeing my son unsupervised. He's been very helpful but I have not given him the go-ahead to actually file for divorce yet. I feel I am still too angry about the entire thing to think rationally and want to give myself time to fully grasp what a divorce will mean for me and my family.
My wife and I aren't talking much. I pretty much go to work, come home to play with my son, go to bed, and repeat. I don't know what the future is going to bring, but I do know that without the support and help from people here, I don't think I would have the clarity I do now.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ytj6mf/aita_for_telling_my_wife_her_parents_are_not/ | ytj6mf | 6,312 | 18,248 | [
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2022-11-12T22:45:54 | My neighbour claims they own the land directly outside my house. They don’t live next door. They live at the other end of the street! | INCONCLUSIVE | **I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**
**Originally posted by** [**u/vicki5150**](https://www.reddit.com/user/vicki5150/) **two years ago in** r/LegalAdviceUK.
Flaired "Inconclusive" as we don't know if OOP ultimately got her neighbors to respect her parking spaces.
[**My neighbour claims they own the land directly outside my house. They dont live next door. They live at the other end of the street!**](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/hvoire/my_neighbour_claims_they_own_the_land_directly/) 22 July 2020
Hey guys, I’m looking for a little bit of advice regarding a property dispute. I have uploaded a hand drawn map [here ](https://imgur.com/gallery/1he0N5z) (excuse the quality).
Where I live is kind of tucked around a corner. You have to drive over a dropped curb to get to us but there are 7 houses in the row.
I live in number 17. The neighbour who I have the dispute with lives in number 25. The area labelled G & D is the garage and drive ways for number 15, 24, 25 and 27. Number 15 is a coach house. The garage and drive way for numbers 17, 19 and 21 are around the corner beneath another coach house.
The area in dispute is the two car parking spaces labelled P x 2.
If there is no space to park in the area labelled P x 2 the only option is to line cars up along the fence that follows the arrows I have drawn.
Number 25 has three cars. We have two cars.
One of our cars is always parked on our drive way around the corner.
The issue is that number 25 has a habit of switching their cars over so that if one of them goes out one of their other cars is always occupying the space labelled P x 2. Often leaving their drive way empty. This effectively means that no one else is ever able to parking in those spaces because they are deliberately making sure they are always parked there.
When we moved here I thought it was strange that they did that so I emailed my landlord to ask if we were allowed to park there. The landlord said they are visitor spaces and we have just as much right to park there as anyone else.
Yesterday, as I came home two of their cars were pulling away from the spaces (effectively driving against the arrows I have drawn) so I drove straight into the parking space. As I got out of the car a young woman came running up to me to say she was about to put her car there (I genuinely thought they were going out, but since this has been pissing me off for months I decided to question it). So I asked her why? She looked puzzled and again said, I was going to put my car there. So I pointed out that her own drive way was empty. What followed was a bunch of verbal abuse to which I responded that everyone else has just as much right to park there and I walked away. As I did she said, ‘we own the deed to this area so if you want to be like that we will stop you coming around here altogether’.
Now I personally think she is full of it. However, my questions are:
What is the likely hood that number 25 owns the piece of land that leads around to the front doors of numbers 15-27?
Is there a way that I can find out if that piece of land is privately owned or owned by the council?
If I pay to get the boundary map for number 25 from the .gov website is this likely to show if they own that separate piece of land? Or would that piece of land be listed separately on its own deed?
Any help would be appreciated as if really love to be able to prove that everyone else who lives around here is just as entitled to those spaces as they are.
Edit: this is in Wales.
&#x200B;
[**\[Update\] My neighbour claims they own the land directly outside my house. They don’t live next door. They live at the other end of the street!**](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/hwbj2z/update_my_neighbour_claims_they_own_the_land/) 23 Jul 2020
TL:DR I was in the right. The space is on my deed but neighbours are continuing to be idiots about it.
Hi guys, previous post [here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/hvoire/my_neighbour_claims_they_own_the_land_directly/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Thank you to the people who replied to my original message. I had a think about all the options that were suggested to me and I decided that the best way to be sure and put this whole issue to bed was to get hold of the deeds. Boy, was I wrong! It turns out I am dealing with complete idiots.
I have attached an image of the deeds [here.](https://imgur.com/gallery/Oq5jir0). Left is neighbours I’m having the dispute with and right is myself and next door.
After being threatened with ‘we own the deed to this piece of land so we will stop you driving around here altogether’. I decided to get a copy of their deed to see where I stand. As you can see, they are either lying or they do not understand the way in which the deed is drawn. A portion is marked for them to access their drive way and garage which is beneath the coach house but it does not cover the whole of the entry road. Meaning they have no rights to prevent anyone from driving around here.
After seeing their deed I decided to ask get a copy of mine. Just out of curiosity. And this is the best part! The specific space that she gave me abuse for parking in earlier in the week belongs to this house! I almost pissed my pants!
But there is a space next to that one. So I quickly put two and two together and I bought the deed for next door. Yep. That space belongs to them!
These absolute knobheads have been switching their three cars around to prevent us from parking in spaces that belong to our properties!!
So at this point I’m bouncing. I want to go down there and knock on their front door and wave the deeds in their face. But I decide to calm down first and just catch them when they are outside.
Around 9pm last night I heard a car door slam and when I looked out the window it was her. This was my moment! I grabbed my phone (which is already preloaded with images of the deeds) and opened the front door.
As she walked past I said, ‘hey, can I talk to you for a second.’
When she came over I said, ‘after what you said to me yesterday I decided to have a look at the deeds and as it turns out, this space is actually ours. I have the deed here. I can show you.’
Her response: ‘no it’s not.’
What is wrong with this woman?
Me: ‘no, honestly I have the deed. This one is ours and that one is next doors.’
Her: ‘no, we’ve had this conversation with your neighbour before. It’s not.’
At this point I gave up. This woman is a total idiot. So I just said look, it’s my space don’t park in it. And as I walked in the house I heard her call me a bitch.
Now I was raised with 5 brothers. 10 years ago my response to that would have been to really go at it. But I decided to just ignore it.
Since she said she’d already talked to my neighbour I went out into my back garden to have a little look if next doors lights were on and then I gave her a knock. I said, ‘I don’t know if you’ve heard but I’ve been having trouble with the woman down the road.’
She said, yes she had heard. And she is completely wrong. She knows that space is hers. She has told them in the past and her landlord has told them in the past but they just keep parking there. We are dealing with some seriously entitled idiots here!
The problem now is, how do I move forward? I’ve thought about printing copies of the deed and every time they park in that space leaving them on their windshield. I’ve also thought about outright blocking them in. Or, if I come home and they are in that space but their drive way is empty, which is usually the case, maybe I’ll just park in their drive way.
At the moment, I’m completely in the right and I’d like to take the high ground whilst still getting my desired outcome. But it is so, so hard when you are dealing with idiots to not stoop to their level.
&#x200B;
**Reminder: I am not the original poster. This is a repost.** | Celany | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ytkpwz/my_neighbour_claims_they_own_the_land_directly/ | ytkpwz | 8,060 | 2,587 | [
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2022-11-12T23:23:34 | AITA for refusing to play nice [with] my father's GF and by doing [so] preventing them from moving in together ? | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ytll5f/aita_for_refusing_to_play_nice_with_my_fathers_gf/ | ytll5f | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-13T00:24:49 | [AAM] my new employee keeps tagging us in negative social media posts after we’ve told her to stop | EXTERNAL | *I am not OP. OP is a reader who submitted to Ask a Manager on April 29, 2020.*
[Source with Alison Green's advice](https://www.askamanager.org/2020/04/my-new-employee-keeps-tagging-us-in-negative-social-media-posts-after-weve-told-her-to-stop.html)
My company hired a new employee just before the pandemic work from home shift. We were hesitant to hire her for my department to begin with — she didn’t have glowing recommendations and she’s got a patchy work history, but she has experience in the one thing we can’t train on right now, so we hired her reluctantly. It turns out she’s an oversharer on social media and a “list post” person: Every single detail of her day is listed in a giant personal social media post at least three or four times a day, and she tags everyone she comes in contact with: businesses, products, people. It’s unusual.
We had about a week in office with her before we had to switch to telework. She was very opinionated about how we did things and doesn’t really want to participate in feedback or training. She’d also go home every day and write a long, detailed post about who she interacted with, what she did all day, and her opinions about it and then tag her coworkers and our company. It was borderline negative/critical of the company that really reflected more on her as a person and less on how we do things. I’m not sure if she realizes how it looks or if she’s just an oversharer.
We’ve got a pretty straightforward social media policy — don’t tag us, don’t list us as your place of work, and don’t friend or interact with your superiors on social media (most of our managers don’t have social media anyway and we have an internal policy not to friend our subordinates on social media). That keeps management out of it pretty well. We were very clear on this policy when she was hired. I reached out to her and reminded her of the policy, and I ended up tagged in one of her long, daily, detailed posts.
HR reached out to her and reminded her of the policy and that while her social media is her space, to not tag and mention our company by name and to appropriately address needs, questions, and conflicts through the right channels. She then complained about that, with direct tags, on social media.
Other than this glaring issue, the quality of her work is okay. It’s not stellar, and it’s not bad. But her attitude is a mess.
I’m new as a manager, my team and I all get along and have great boundaries. I’m not sure if she’s a bad fit or if we need to give her more time. Her 30-day review is due next week. Would I be wrong to recommend we let her go and wish her well? Is this behavior just because of the general stress we’re all under? I don’t want to put someone out of work if we don’t have to, but I also don’t want to poison the well — we have such a great and positive team and wonderful rapport with customers that I don’t want to jeopardize.
**Update** [posted on June 1, 2020](https://www.askamanager.org/2020/06/update-my-new-employee-keeps-tagging-us-in-negative-social-media-posts-after-weve-told-her-to-stop.html)
I have a quick, hilarious update for you.
I checked in with my boss and HR about our 30 day review and my instinct to let her go. I was told because of the pandemic and people being stressed out to give her a final warning one more time and let her know we were extending her probation. I get where they were coming from and it’s why I enjoy working with them – they try to be understanding and lead with kindness when someone makes poor choices. The staff member, myself, and my boss met with her via a video conferencing app. Little did I know she was live-streaming her freaking 30 day review. (She legitimately had a screen share app up and was running it on Facebook Live.) There was nothing else I could do then and now but laugh.
We ended the call when we found out about 10 minutes in and wrote up formal termination paperwork that we mailed to her, wishing her well. The team was great about picking up slack and dividing her tasks and projects. We found a contractor for overflow. She emailed me this morning for a reference, which I forwarded to HR.
That’s one for the WTF books.
*Alison then asks OP if "she had a theory about what this was all about":*
We think she’s aiming to be an influencer of some kind. Based on all social media she has (Facebook, tiktok, Instagram, a YouTube channel, Twitter, some multiple accounts) it looks like that’s what she’s aiming for. Good luck to her!
*Again, not OP, these posts came from [Ask a Manager](https://www.askamanager.org/).* | saruhime | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ytmxop/aam_my_new_employee_keeps_tagging_us_in_negative/ | ytmxop | 4,589 | 6,439 | [
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2022-11-13T03:54:41 | OP left her boyfriend over his foot fetish and she hate herself | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ytr3t1/op_left_her_boyfriend_over_his_foot_fetish_and/ | ytr3t1 | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-13T03:55:32 | OP left her boyfriend over his foot fetish and she hate herself | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ytr4ei/op_left_her_boyfriend_over_his_foot_fetish_and/ | ytr4ei | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-13T04:01:17 | OP left her boyfriend over his foot fetish and she hate herself | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ytr8jp/op_left_her_boyfriend_over_his_foot_fetish_and/ | ytr8jp | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-13T04:19:58 | Opened Relationship and Fell Out of Love with Husband and in Love with Lover | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ytrl5n/opened_relationship_and_fell_out_of_love_with/ | ytrl5n | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-13T04:43:20 | Opened Relationship and Fell Out of Love with Husband and In Love with Lover | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yts0jz/opened_relationship_and_fell_out_of_love_with/ | yts0jz | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-13T05:03:48 | OOP - I've found out why my husband hides his best friend from me, and I don't think there's anything I can do about it. | CONCLUDED | I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/alternative_sink_483 in r/offmychest.
Trigger Warning - >!infidelity!<
[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/yjk8uw/ive_found_out_why_my_husband_hides_his_best/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (2 Nov 22)
**I've found out why my husband hides his best friend from me, and I don't think there's anything I can do about it.**
I'm writing this on a throwaway, because I have friends that use reddit on occasion.
I (26f) have been married to my husband Dylan (26m) for three years. We got together in when we were seventeen, but we've known each other since the fourth grade. I love my husband, he's the total package. Funny, sweet, smart, and attractive. He's made my life amazing, and he's who I fully intended on spending the rest of my life with.
We attended all the same schools from the time we met, up until college. In that time we've both made our own friend groups. He's been more connected with his friends than I have, and because of that I've become a part of the group as well, I'd like to think. In that time, I've been at around 50% of their group hangouts, mostly because of my job, but sometimes I'm just straight up not invited.
I didn't question any of this because hey, they're his friends, he doesn't see them nearly as often as he sees me, it's not my business.
My husband met his best friend, Karo (27m), long before he met me. I knew almost nothing about Karo up until recently. He wasn't at our wedding, nor did he attend any of the same schools as us, and I was under the impression he wasn't friends with anyone in our group. I thought all of this was because of his line of work, as I was told he traveled a lot.
Last year me and my husband went to a bbq hosted by another couple in the group. Karo was there. I didn't recognize him at first, but when I realized who he was, I was honestly kind of shocked. I'd seen him in person before, but he always kept a very very good distance from me, which I'm realizing now was intentional. Anyways, he's totally stunning, he looks like he could be a supermodel.
When I attempted to make conversation with him, he seemed really nervous and totally shut me down after a few sentences. When I mentioned this behavior to anyone else, they also shut me down, saying things like "That's just how he is" Or "Maybe you said something that offended him". In short, no one would tell me anything about Karo, at all. Any conversation that involved him was a no-go.
At the end of that night, I tried talking to Dylan about his behavior. He told me Karo didn't like me. I was confused, because I'd hardly seen him in person at all, let alone actually talked to him. The excuse my husband gave was that he disliked me because I 'cheated' on my husband once in college, and Karo was too stubborn to let it go.
I've seen Karo less than a dozen times since then, mostly at birthday parties, huge get-togethers, and on one occasion he came to our house to watch a football game with my husband and a few of their other buddies.
Anyways, a few weeks ago my husband 'went fishing' with his 'cousin'. That same night, I had some of the girls in our friend group over for a girls night type thing. Lily, (24f) was scrolling through some social media. I was glancing over her shoulder when I saw a selfie of Dylan and Karo sitting next to each other in a hottub. The selfie had been posted maybe 30 minutes ago. I asked lily about what I had seen, and she went pale. She tried saying nothing, but I snatched the phone from her and went to the profile that posted the photo.
The profile belonged to my husband. It was a private profile, and scrolling through the photos, most of them were dirty jokes or memes, but the rest of them were photos of him and Karo. Either they were hanging out alone, or with the rest of the group, minus me. Most of the photos they seemed way too close, too touchy, or doing things that seem too personal or intimate for friends to be doing. I spent a good ten minutes looking before I couldn't take it anymore.
I was horrified. All of the photos were dated to nights my husband told me he was working late, hanging out with this relative or that, times that he'd told me he was doing something else, and obviously hangouts i wasn't invited too.
Lily just sat there looking dumb. She didn't say anything, but all the girls were looking at us like a bomb had just gone off. They clearly knew what I had seen, and their reactions were enough to confirm exactly what I was afraid of. I was livid. I started yelling, Lily was crying, and the rest of the girls were freaking out.
When I started to calm down and demanded that they explain what was going on, Lily told me everything. Dylan and Karo had been sleeping together, and very essentially dating behind my back since before we even got married. They got together during a one month break me and Dylan had during college, and they stuck together ever since. They all knew, and none of them told me until I found out the hard way. Karo wasn't at our wedding because he felt guilty. He avoided me like the fucking plague because he felt guilty. They arrange group meet-ups in a groupchat I wasn't in, because they all like Karo enough "to spare his feelings". Even the guys in the group felt the same way about him, apparently. Karo was never as distant as I thought he was, he was just being hidden. Dylan was hiding him from me because he didn't want me to find out they were together.
By the end of it, half of us were sobbing, and everyone who wasn't was apologizing to me.
I was so angry. I made them swear they wouldn't say anything to Dylan, or anyone else.
I kicked them all out, and cried myself to sleep. I was basically in denial, like it was some kind of sick fucking prank.
My husband didn't come home until the next morning. He told me all about the supposed fishing trip he'd went on. I didn't say anything about what I knew. I guess he could tell something was up, because he kept asking me what was wrong, all day, every five fucking minutes. Eventually I just told him I'd been in an argument with my sister. By the end of the week, I was totally numb.
Last night while my husband was handing out candy to kids, I saw a notification pop up on his phone, since I knew his password, I opened it. It was a text from Karo. I looked through the conversations they'd had, it confirmed everything. It was devastating, Dylan texted Karo the exact same way he texted me. He told Karo he loved him, every sweet thing he said to me had been said in his conversations with Karo. I was hardly mentioned. I put his phone back before he noticed.
Dylan is at work now. I don't know what to do. I could never imagine myself leaving Dylan, because he's such a loving partner and a good man. But I can't see myself winning in a competition against Karo if that's what it comes down to. I can't even make myself be disgusted or angered by Dylan. I love him too much, I'm not even upset with karo. But I'm so hurt, I don't want to risk losing my husband, and I don't want to share him.
I called lily and my sister this morning and told them about what I had found. They both asked what I'm going to do, and I had nothing to say.
I don't know what to do, at all.
[Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/ykb7wk/ive_found_out_why_my_husband_hides_his_best/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (2 Nov 22)
**I've found out why my husband hides his best friend from me, and I don't think there's anything I can do about it. (update)**
Hi, I really appreciate the support and advice i was given on my last post. Dylan came home last night around 10. I had a whole speech prepared to confront him with, but I could only end up saying "i know about you and Karo"
I'll spare the details of the conversation because it's still raw, but he left around midnight. He only took a few of his things. I haven't spoken to him since, aside from him telling me he was coming to get more of his things, and after our conversation I've decided to go through with divorce. I've collected all the necessary information, and I'll be getting in touch with a lawyer shortly.
Again, Thank you all for the advice and help to come to my senses.
[Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/user/Alternative_Sink_483/comments/ykq7uq/2nd_and_hopefully_last_update_ive_found_out_why/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (3 Nov 22)
(2nd, and hopefully last update) I've found out why my husband hides his best friend from me, and I don't think there's anything I can do about it.
I was unaware it was a big trend to repost reddit posts onto tiktok. This is what happened with my first post, and the video has almost 700k views.
A friend of mine, noah, who i am namedropping because I know he will see this, and I appreciate him dearly, forwarded me the video because he knew it was my post. (i explained the situation to him prior, and he knew i had posted it.)
There are several things i want to address, and I ask that whoever made the video, because they clearly use reddit, posts this too, to clear my name. Everybody in my life knows by now, so i see no harm in addressing you personally.
To recap; yes I am leaving Dylan, no, I did not actually cheat on him, it was a huge misunderstanding between the two of us that lead him to believe, and tell people, that i cheated. I don't even know if what he told me about Karos' dislike for me is or was true.
No I am not going to "sue him for everything he has'
I will no longer be speaking to anyone from that group
I may have been naive, but i am not stupid.
No, i still do not know why they chose to betray me like that, and I don't intend on finding out.
Yes, while his parents were accepting of lgtbq, I dont think they wouldve been okay with dylan marrying a man.
From here on out, I doubt i will have anything to say. That is all, thank you.
Also, I have never watched brokeback mountain, but the jokes about it did make me chuckle.
**Reminder - I'm not the OOP** | prettiergenghis | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ytsdsr/oop_ive_found_out_why_my_husband_hides_his_best/ | ytsdsr | 10,343 | 13,937 | [
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2022-11-13T06:49:18 | TimeSocial can help you Earn $500 Daily | NEW UPDATE | [removed] | Nickybelle0 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ytu6lx/timesocial_can_help_you_earn_500_daily/ | ytu6lx | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-13T13:07:56 | worst bar in Bellingham | CONCLUDED | IndividualFun7832 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yu176m/worst_bar_in_bellingham/ | yu176m | 0 | 1 | [
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|
2022-11-13T14:55:45 | OOP - I (30m) rejected one of my best friends (28f) that I used to be in love with | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yu3xeg/oop_i_30m_rejected_one_of_my_best_friends_28f/ | yu3xeg | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-13T15:29:24 | TIFU by being tricked by a straight guy into dating him | ONGOING | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yu4ubt/tifu_by_being_tricked_by_a_straight_guy_into/ | yu4ubt | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-13T15:54:03 | AITA for refusing to play nice to my father’s GF and by doing do preventing them from moving in together ? | CONCLUDED | I remembered seeing this post a few months ago and was so glad there was an update!
**I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/Only\_Stranger\_1413](https://www.reddit.com/user/Only_Stranger_1413/). He posted in r/AITA. I fixed a few spelling errors for readability, but have changed nothing else!
Trigger Warnings: >!racism, verbal abuse!<
Mood Spoiler: >!Happy and good ending!<
**Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x5mgwk/aita_for_refusing_to_play_nice_to_my_fathers_gf/)**: September 4, 2022**
Some background info. My mother (37) had me (20M) at 17. She was never a mother to me and I was raised by my grand parents and later my uncle (34).
When I was 8 my grandma got sick and my uncle, who was 22 at the time started taking me in and I moved with him full time at 12. I only saw my mother for family events and she was always criticizing me. How I looked, my hobbies, what I liked. By 14 I refused to talk and/or see her.
When I was 18 my uncle proposed to legally adopt me. I decided to go see my mother one last time to inform her and have some closure. During this talk she told me my father’s name.
I talked to my family about him and long story short basically everyone know him. His family lived in the same town as my great grandparents’ and my family used to go there every holidays.
I decided to try to meet him with my uncle. He (36) moved back a few years back to be close to his family and he took everything pretty well. I did made sure to inform him that I already had a dad. He told me he had no children and was interested in knowing me. He presented me to his parents and they even found some pictures of me with him from before he went to college.
For the last 2 years we had a pretty great relationship. He also got along well with my uncle. At college I call him once a week and I see him pretty often.
The «issue » is his GF Ana. They don’t live together and have been a couple for over 3 years. She made it clear that I had no place here. After a few encounters with her she reminded me so much of my mom :her attitude, her remarks and critics that I refused to go see him for a while. I think he realized because he told me that she didn’t need to be here every time.
I only see her when I go to eat with him at his parents’s. She stills manage to make it clear that I don’t belong in this family. When I ask question she tells me stuff like « If you were really a part of the family you should know », always pointing physical differences…
So it was a surprise when she called me last week. I though it was an emergency so I answered. She told me that she wanted to move in with my dad but he refused because he knows we don’t get along and he wanted his house to be a safe place for me and he was afraid I would come by less if she was here all the time. It’s the truth. She then told me I should put my grudges aside and try to be nicer to her for my father’s sake.
I told her no. I had years of therapy to be able to remove toxic people from my life and being with her is like being with my mom. I do not want to put myself in this kind of situation anymore.
I talked to my uncle and he agrees, for him my mental health should always be my top priority but some other people think that I should at least make an effort for my father’s happiness and that it would be selfish to not try.
*Commenter asks about bio dad:*
Oh sorry if I wasn't explicit enough in my post, it's hard to explain well with the character limit.My bio dad never knew I was his son until 2 years ago. My mom always told us my father was a summer fling and she didn't know who he was.
My bio dad lived in the same town as my great grandparents so they all were kind of summer/holidays friends. He and his family met me but in their eyes I was the new grandkid. My grandparents and his parents were close so they used to have dinner and spend afternoon together.So until he left for good I used to see him sometimes during holidays.
***OOP is declared NTA.***
**Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ynxcx6/update_aita_for_refusing_to_play_nice_to_my/)**: November 6, 2022**
So at first I wasn’t sure about making a update but the comments I got really helped me. You were all saying what my uncle and some friends were saying to me but it’s different hearing it from people who don’t know me and aren’t biased.
After reading your comments I realized what the issue was. When I explain my family situation to people a lot of them (not close friends and immediate family) say the same thing « how lucky I am to have a bio dad who wants and agrees to spend time to get to know me », « how gratefull I should be ».
My bio dad or his family never made me feel like that, but I guess that after hearing a lot of people saying it, it kind of got to me and I realized now that I was restraining myself to not disappoint him. I guess in my mind I had to work and be nice to have his affection because I did not deserve it (you can blame my bio mom for that).
Anyway after realizing that I also realized that I never told him and his parents how his GF was treating me and I also realized she was smart enough to do it when they were all out of earshot.
I am a non confrontational person and I was scared to say everything at once to my bio dad, and I was afraid to not be able to express properly everything I wanted to convey.
I talked to my uncle about it and he proposed to made an appointment with a therapist to have a kind of family session so it would be easier for me to express myself. (We did it before in our family and it helped me a lot).
We talked about it to my bio dad and he immediately agreed. He could sense that something was off.
Anyway during the session I kind of exploded ? I started talking and couldn’t stop myself, at first I felt that it made no sense because I was saying everything and nothing at once but luckily the therapist helped a lot. We all had a very long talk and put everything on the table. My bio dad had no idea that it was this bad with his GF and he was really appalled and remorseful for not realizing it.
Something that angered him and my uncle a lot was the comment about me not looking like my dad, which I never took notice of because it’s true. My mom and uncle are half filipino, and I took everything from the filipino side except his dimples. Apparently the comments about me not being part of the family was because of my racial background, so yeah on top of everything she was racist.
All of this happened last month and since then he broke up with her, and I try to be more honest about what I feel without being afraid of what he thinks. He also proposed to continue family therapy if I feel like it would help me talk about certain topics.
This relationship is still a work in progress but honestly I feel very good about it.
And some of you asked, but yes my uncle adopted me when I turned 18.
So again thanks for all your help and your kind words. I was really expecting to be called an asshole when I wrote the original post.
**Wishing you the best OOP! You seem like a good guy and we're all rooting for you.** | LucyAriaRose | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yu5ii7/aita_for_refusing_to_play_nice_to_my_fathers_gf/ | yu5ii7 | 7,158 | 13,205 | [
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2022-11-13T16:16:30 | Heavy weight problem contact me | NEW UPDATE | [removed] | X-Health | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yu651o/heavy_weight_problem_contact_me/ | yu651o | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-13T18:03:48 | TIFU by being tricked by a straight guy into dating him | ONGOING | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/economy_leek123 in r/tifu**
trigger warnings: >!homophobia, bullying!<
---
&nbsp;
[**TIFU by being tricked by a straight guy into dating him**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/yhnqsz/tifu_by_being_tricked_by_a_straight_guy_into/) - 30 October 2022
So to start things off. I’m gay, I live in a small town in the middle of nowhere USA. I’m a Male 18.
I wasn’t ever really bullied for being gay. Unless it was online everyone was cool with it except the super conservative families in town. Of course I’ve heard my fair share of names and threats but I shrug them off. It’s normal to me.
There’s this group of boys, who are like the super bro dude straight guy group of the school. They act more gay than I do but still call me names etc. In this group there’s this guy I’ll call Skyler.
Skyler is my age, looks like a puppy dog, and was very sweet to me always, but always presented as straight. Which is why I was shocked when he asked me out this summer. I mean. I’m not ugly or anything. I just didn’t expect this super dude bro jock to ask me out.
Our first date was amazing. I mean, it was on the Fourth of July at our state fair. We got corn dogs played games and he kissed me on the Ferris wheel.
After a few dates we had gotten a lot closer. (We never had sex though, he wanted to wait and I respected that) my ex boyfriends birthday was on October 20th.
He had this huge party and invited everyone and of course I wasn’t shocked when he invited me. This is where I was stupid, I was head over heels for this guy. I was like stupid in love with him. I mean I’d get giddy every single time I saw him and I’d get butterflies in my chest whenever he touched me even after three months. I was in love with him. I think part of me still is which is why I’m heartbroken writing this.
I bought my boyfriend skyler this beautiful pendant and chain. It was a 18 karot gold with a diamond. (Very expensive, cost me two years of working part time at McDonald’s) I was very excited to give this to him.
At his party he brushed me off the entire time. I gave him his gift and a letter that I wrote from the bottom of my heart. I thought we were forever.
Turns out it was all a lie. He started getting giggly with his friends reading the letter and when he finished he was crying laughing.
That’s when he started explaining that it was all a dare and that he only went out with the town “f slur” to win a bet. He thanked me for the necklace and went on with his party.
I’ve stayed home for several days now. Im heartbroken and just devastated. I thought this boy was the absolute love of my life. Turns out all of his friends was in on everything. To the text messages and the letters we would write each other.
We were on the down low because he said he wasn’t ready to tell his family he was bisexual. This was already a red flag I ignored because his mom is bisexual, and would’ve been completely fine with it. But this entire time he tricked me. He broke my heart into pieces and I can’t help but scream into my pillow. I want to hurt him the way I hurt. I want to hear him scream the gut wrenching screams I scream late at night when the earth is quiet into my pillow so my family can’t hear me.
I can’t go back to school, I am already the laughing stock on social media. I’m thinking of switching schools and going to live with my aunt. I was blinded by love and hurt.
Edit: I’ll update everyone on what happens next. I’m gonna tell his mom and try to get my necklace back. Thanks for the support everyone.
Edit 2: sorry guys mods locked the post because of the comments that violated rules. If you wanna post a comment. Check out my account and post a comment on my latest post ❤️
TLDR: ignored red flags of guy who asked me out, dated for three months, buy him expensive necklace, he says it was a dare
&nbsp;
[**Repost UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Economy_Leek123/comments/ykf55b/repost_update/) - 2 November 2022
Hey everyone, so I got my post taken down because I linked a subreddit to where people could make comments :/
I thank everyone who've reached out, I mean, I didn't expect this post to go as viral as it did. 4.6 million views, videos on tiktok and YouTube. I had over 100 people in my messages and I tried to reply to each one. In total I had around 1000 comments on my subreddit post and the OG post, I read every single one of them.
For everyone commenting and asking about my parents, My dad has been very supportive throughout the whole process. My mom however has been rather distant about everything. She doesn't really like LGBTQ community but has tried changing her views with me. I guess it's all I can ask of her.
At first I thought It would be better to go over to his house to confront his mother. My dad was willing to go along with me but I couldn't really bear to see him. I was very nervous at first when I messaged Skyler's Mom on Facebook last night. I mean she didn't believe me in the beginning. She never thought her son could do something so horrible. I sent her some of our photos and messages, she didn't reply for a bit but later would call me. I explained everything, from July till October.
She was quiet for a long time after I finished. I mean I was still sniffling through the phone. She asked me if I still loved her son. I mean I was crying almost the entire time because I am still in love with him. I mean, how can you go from loving someone so easily to hating them the next? Isn't that ironic? Those we love can do the most horrible things to us and yet we still find a way to care about them. So I told her yes.
She would then tell me she experienced something similar with a guy. How he was dared to lead her on for a few weeks. How she knew how I felt because she felt the same way at the time. She learned to let go. She would then go on to talk with me for an hour or two about how things were between us. Everything felt surreal after that. She would then message me later that night that she isn't able to force her son to give the necklace back, but she's terribly sorry and that Skyler is staying at his Dad's for the time being. He's probably extremely upset about it, the main reason the divorce happened, (from what Skyler told me) is that his dad couldn't really accept his mom.
I felt crappy then but it felt good getting everything out to someone so close to him. I don't wanna talk to him, yet I do. I want my necklace back, I mean I dont know how im gonna get it back. I might have to cross post on r/legaladvice I mean technically it was a gift. As expensive as it was, I understand how immature it was of me to spend so much on a gift. But I didn't really care at that time about the cash.
I stayed home from school today. But I think Im gonna confront him tomorrow at school, Not in front of his friends, not in front of the class or anything like some teenage rom com from Disney. But I am gonna try to find him sometime alone. Does anyone have any advice?
For everyone telling me it wasn’t love. It felt like love. but everyone telling me that I wasn’t in love is weird. I would’ve rather died than someone to hurt him. I would’ve done anything for him, and even now, even after all the hurt that I’ve been given, the slurs, the hate, the lies, I still don’t want to see him hurt. I still see his smile, I can still feel the sweet gestures and hear our conversations.
This is an rising trend in the LGBTQ community. Homophobic people baiting gays and the situations are on the rise. If you can, talk to your community about this. We need to spread light on the problems with queer-baiting.
(I posted this last night but deleted it because of developments) Basically, Skyler and a few of his friends were just shit talking me on social media on Instagram live, calling me slurs, saying that I lied to his mom about stuff. Advice would be appreciated. I’ll update you
Edit 1 hey the mods locked the comments due again! Please leave a comment here. https://www.reddit.com/user/Economy_Leek123/comments/yhvd5a/post_locked/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
TLDR: Talked with Skylers mom, She has him staying with his dad. I didn't get my necklace back. I am gonna confront him
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yu92h3/tifu_by_being_tricked_by_a_straight_guy_into/ | yu92h3 | 8,349 | 3,790 | [
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2022-11-13T18:37:10 | [AAM] my mother is a destructive force in my professional life | EXTERNAL | ***I am not OP. OP is a reader who submitted to Ask a Manager*** [**here**](https://www.askamanager.org/2015/11/my-mother-is-a-destructive-force-in-my-professional-life.html) ***in 2015.***
\*\*\*Trigger warnings:\*\*\*>! financial abuse!<
***Mood spoiler:*** >!ends positively!<
I emailed you back in August when I was struggling to find a job, and I was worried about the backlash I would get from my family if I went on benefits. (Note from Alison: This was a private email exchange rather than a post, so there’s no past post to link to.)
I decided to apply for benefits, and joke’s on my family because I’ve landed a job through the benefits center! It’s a four-week admin contract, and it’s great. I love my job and my coworkers are great too. I started on Friday, and my boss pulled me aside today to say that three customers came to him to say that I did a great job with them and really helped them.
However, my family are still on my back. My mum is insisting that the way to get a job is through social media. I already know that this is a big no no.
She’s insisting that I should send Facebook messages and tweets to companies to ask about vacancies and apply through them. She has her own Twitter account, which is VERY political. It’s dedicated to all things politics, and is very heavy towards the party she supports. She’s tweeting companies in our area to tell them I’m looking for a job and asking if they have any vacancies. It’s very embarrassing, she’s tweeting them my full name, my age, location and the type of work I’m looking for. I’ve asked her to stop so many times, but she downright refuses and keeps doing it, which is reflecting terribly on my behalf. I know you said to never take your parents’ advice, but she’s doing this herself and insists that this is the correct way to find a job these days.
She’s insisting that she’s going to set up a Twitter account in my name, and she’s going to tweet companies saying: “Hello, my name is Jane \_\_\_\_, I’m 21, I live in \_\_\_\_ and I would like to work with you. How can I apply to work for your company?” This is incredibly embarrassing and she won’t stop. She’s also writing on companies’ Facebook walls and sending them messages telling them I’m looking for work.
Do you have any advice on how to deal with this? It’s making me feel so embarrassed, and it’s honestly harming my chances of finding a job.
***You can read Allison's advice*** [***here***](https://www.askamanager.org/2015/11/my-mother-is-a-destructive-force-in-my-professional-life.html)***.***
**Update**
I wanted to send you an update and let you know that my situation is SO much better now.
I eventually managed to get a job because of my own skills – thankfully NOT through my mother’s constant barrage of “please hire my daughter” tweets/messages. She didn’t carry through with her threat of creating a Twitter account in my name, and stopped the Facebook messages/tweets as soon as I got my new job.
Since the letter was published, I’ve gone through a couple of jobs, and I’ve actually just landed my dream job working in social media. (Oh the irony.) I’m much happier now, and in a much better place both emotionally and mentally than I was in last year.
Two quick things I just wanted to clarify;
1), Your readers seemed a bit confused/torn about where I’m from, because of the words I used in my letter. I’m from Scotland :)
2) Both you and a lot of readers were wondering if my mother is controlling in other aspects of my life. You are all 100% correct; growing up, she was VERY overprotective, and is still slightly controlling. She financially controls me – I have very limited access to my bank account. She takes an insane amount of rent money out of my bank account every month, and I have no way of stopping her. She goes crazy when I don’t answer my phone and blows up my texts/Facebook wall/spams me with texts and FB messages if she can’t get a hold of me. I also have to ask for permission to go out, and she doesn’t like me being out later than 10pm, even on weekends. She demanded I give her my work schedule, and now knows when I’m working and when I’m off. I’d understand this if I was 16, but I’m almost 23. (For personal reasons, moving out is impossible for the time being.)
There’s so many other things that I deal with, but I’d practically end up writing a novel about it.
The important thing is that I use my job to block out everything I deal with at home. I finally have a job that I love, a steady group of friends that I made through work, and for the first time in my life, I can honestly say that I’m very content with my life.
Thank you so much for the all the advice you and your readers both gave me. It really helped, and I really appreciate every single person who took the time to read my letter and write out a reply. You and your readers are the best!
***You can read update 1*** [here](https://www.askamanager.org/2016/12/updates-boss-wants-to-talk-about-her-feelings-all-the-time-mother-is-a-destructive-force-in-my-professional-life-and-more.html)***.***
**Update 2**
I was thinking about the post a few days ago and it occurred to me that I didn’t write in with an update, so I figured now’s the time!
I’m now 24, and in a different job to the one I was at when I last wrote in.
I unfortunately only lasted a couple of months at the social media job I mentioned in the previous update. I made a huge mistake one day at work and I was publicly fired in January 2017. That really knocked my confidence, so much so that I actually attempted to take my own life shortly afterwards, as I couldn’t cope with disappointing my family and myself again.
A few months later, I found a new job, and was there until January this year. I now work in finance (I started 2 weeks ago) and I’m very happy. The salary is much better than my previous jobs, I like the work and my coworkers, and it’s 9-5 Monday – Friday, which is much better for me. The job is also in a city 30 minutes away from where I live, so I can escape my own neighbourhood for a while, and I no longer feel ‘claustrophobic’. My life has completely turned around in the space of a year.
The main topic in my previous post was about how my mother controlled my finances. Well, I’m happy to say that thanks to the support of your readers, I finally bit the bullet and opened a new bank account. It took me a long time, but I read all the positive comments, and they helped me find the confidence to stand up to my mother and tell her that enough was enough. I went to my bank and explained the situation – They helped me set up the new account and lock down the old one so my mother has no access to it whatsoever. She also has no access to my new savings account, which I’m using to fund moving out. I’m almost at my goal, and if I keep going, I’ll be out by June. I still deal with my mother and her negative comments, but thanks to the supportive comments, they don’t affect me as much as they used to.
I found the courage to not let her walk all over me plus control me and she’s backed down – I now finally have a sense of freedom that I always wanted. Since standing up to her and gaining my independence, I’ve ticked items off my bucket list, such as traveling on my own (I went from Scotland – London, which is a pretty big distance, considering that I’d never been outside of Scotland by myself), and actually making preparations to move out into my own place.
I still am dealing with severe depression, which is painful and difficult, but whenever I feel really low, I read the comments on my posts, and the wonderful words left by so many people help lift me back up.
I honestly wouldn’t have been able to do this without your readers. I want to apologize for not replying to a lot of the comments, but I can promise you that I read every single one, and took them to heart. Some touched me so much that they made me cry – People saying they were rooting for me and wanting me to succeed is something I’d never felt before, so it was incredibly special. Even people defending me and supporting me when my post attractive some negative and harsh comments. I’m not used to support, so I cannot explain how much it meant to me.
I hope that they know what a huge impact they’ve had on my life, and just how much they’ve helped me achieve. Random people on the internet that I’ve never met actually changed my life, and I will forever be grateful for every single one of them. Please let them know how much I appreciate all of them. Thank you to every single one of them from the bottom of my heart! If any of them comment on this post, I promise I WILL reply this time!
***You can read update 2*** [***here***](https://www.askamanager.org/2018/05/update-my-mother-is-a-destructive-force-in-my-professional-life.html)***.***
**Comments from OP-**
[May 24, 2018 at 2:33 pm](https://www.askamanager.org/2018/05/update-my-mother-is-a-destructive-force-in-my-professional-life.html#comment-1999243)
Thank you everyone! I’ve found an amazing flat/apartment and I’m moving in with a friend to split the rent every month, so it’ll be easier. I’m also really close with the friend I’ll be living with, so I’ll have positive support 24/7!
[May 24, 2018 at 3:22 pm](https://www.askamanager.org/2018/05/update-my-mother-is-a-destructive-force-in-my-professional-life.html#comment-1999367)
Thank you so much! I was talking to a friend recently about everything, and I described my life to her like this:
Before, I felt like I was on a never ending escalator that was going the wrong way; not going anywhere and if anything, just getting further and further away from where I wanted to be.
I’ve finally pressed the emergency stop button, and I’m heading to the place I want to be! (General happiness).
Sounds crazy, but that’s how I look at things. Also, thank you for the heads up on the book – I’ve just bought it on my iPad on Amazon!
[May 24, 2018 at 3:16 pm](https://www.askamanager.org/2018/05/update-my-mother-is-a-destructive-force-in-my-professional-life.html#comment-1999349)
Standing up to my mother was probably the MOST terrifying thing I’d ever done in my entire life. I honestly haven’t been so terrified since I went on a tree-top obstacle course when I was 14 (and I’m TERRIFIED of heights). It was very hard and there was lots of tears (from me) and shouting (partially me) but I somehow got through it.
We had an argument (screaming match more like) about my finances and how much rent I would pay her. I earn £300 ($401) a week. She wanted all of it. I told her I would be more than happy to give her £50 ($66) a week to contribute to monthly bills, groceries and the laundry bill every month, and if she didn’t like it, I would refuse to give her anything. I know it sounds harsh, but I have stuff to pay for and can’t afford to give her ALL my money. (Plus, I’M the one earning it, so I’m entitled to it!)
Safe to say I don’t know how I did it but I won that argument and now I give her £50. Even better is that I personally give her it or transfer it, so she can’t take it out of my own account :-)
&#x200B;
***Reminder that I am not the OP.*** | LearningFinance23 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yua0b7/aam_my_mother_is_a_destructive_force_in_my/ | yua0b7 | 11,172 | 3,138 | [
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2022-11-13T18:57:02 | AAM: is My Employee Lying About Needing Bereavement Leave? | CONCLUDED | [AAM: is My Employee Lying About Needing Bereavement Leave? 2016-03](https://www.askamanager.org/2016/03/is-my-employee-lying-about-needing-bereavement-leave.html)
Mood spoilers: >!Corporate Rules Are Perplexing!<
by ALISON GREEN on MARCH 28, 2016
**REMINDER: I AM NOT THE OOP**
A reader writes:
Our company’s bereavement policy is pretty standard. For immediate family (parent, sibling, child, spouse), we have three days from time of passing to the funeral service, and one day of bereavement for non-immediate family (grandparent, aunt, uncle.) I’ve had to use it once myself and had no issues — when I returned, my director asked for an obituary, I sent him a link to the online obituary and no further questions were asked. In another case, a relative was not deemed as being eligible for bereavement time, and I was told that I would need to use PTO time for the absence.
Now, I am a supervisor of my department of about 20 people. I’ve had to apply for bereavement time for two employees since taking over, and it was as simple as my own experience. Both were one-day leaves, and they got the obituary to me as soon as they returned.
About a month ago, an employee, “Jane,” came to me to say that her stepfather was in hospice and asked what our leave policy was. I confirmed with HR that a stepfather was eligible for the same amount of leave as a parent (I felt odd about asking, but I wanted to make sure that I understood the policy). I forwarded the information to Jane, including letting her know my own experience of getting the link to the obituary to my boss.
On a Thursday night, I got a text from Jane saying that her stepfather only had a few hours to live and that she was going to be with him. I gave her my condolences and asked her to stay in touch so that I would know how to schedule around her absence. My next communication from Jane was Monday morning after the start of her shift. She said that her stepfather has passed over the weekend and the service was the next day so she would be back on Wednesday. Again, I gave her my condolences and assured her that we’d cover her work for her.
While she was gone on Tuesday, Payroll asked me for a copy of the obituary since I had put in for her bereavement time to have started on Friday. I told them that I didn’t have it yet, but I’m sure that I would get it from Jane when she came in the next day. To try to confirm this, I sent a text to Jane which went unanswered. I wasn’t too worried about this since she was at a funeral after all.
The next day, Jane returned and was rather flustered when I asked her for a copy of the obituary. I apologized and told her that I wasn’t trying to make her upset but that payroll needed it in order to pay her for the days she had been out. By the end of the day, she had forwarded me an email from a secretary at the funeral home that stated “We apologize that the obituary is not ready. Please find the attached note to certify that Jane Smith was at our location.” The attached note looked like a doctor’s excuse note and stated that Jane had been at their location on Friday, Monday, and Tuesday regarding Mr. Jones arrangements. I forwarded this to Payroll and figured that the case was closed.
Payroll contacted me the next day to say that the note was fine to certify the dates of services but still needed something that proved the date of passing (not on the note) as well as her relationship to the deceased. After checking the funeral home’s website to see if the obituary had been posted yet, I mentioned to Jane what Payroll had said about the note. Jane was immediately defensive and then let it slip that he hadn’t died until Saturday. I told her that if he hadn’t died until Saturday, then Friday would not be counted as bereavement time since we only cover from the time of passing to the service. She was upset and said, “I don’t know why you can’t just take that note I already gave you. How was I supposed to know that he wasn’t going to die until Saturday?” I was a little taken aback by this. I also had to take time off so that I could be with a loved one during their final hours, and I counted that as well worth the PTO time spent.
I suggested to Jane that she contact the funeral home again to see about the obituary or if they could provide any other documents relating to time of passing. I also went to see my director because I felt like I was getting in over my head.
I should mention at this point that Jane and my director don’t get along. We’ve had multiple issues with absenteeism with her. We accrue PTO time by number of hours worked, and it seems like whenever she has 8 hours saved up, she uses them right away even though i warn her against it. She had just enough time for one day at the time this happened. She’s also been caught in several ethical dilemmas, and was almost fired this fall when she was caught cheating on an aptitude test for a possible promotion. HR only decided to keep her because I had not specifically told her that she should not get help from others in that department on the test. Afterwards, Jane went to HR and said that my director had said a lot of hurtful and inflammatory things about her. I don’t know if it was true since I was on vacation at the time, but my director got in hot water.
So, I went to see my director about the missing obituary problem and the problem of the dates. He immediately erupts that she’s obviously lying and playing me for a fool. “Why wouldn’t a funeral home print an obituary before a funeral,” he demanded. Now I am feeling incredibly sheepish and uncertain. There is a part of me that does not want to believe that someone would lie about something as important as this. That same part feels incredibly sick about having to question someone about this. Another part of me just feels like I’m an idiot and she’s been playing me the whole time.
Now Jane has sent me a link to the county’s vital records sites that shows a death certificate (with date of passing) is being processed under the name that she has provided. I forwarded this down to payroll, but they have stated that this still doesn’t prove her relationship to the deceased — especially since neither she nor her mother share the same last name as the deceased. (I can think of multiple reasons for this in the modern age but none that help here). Payroll is willing to wait until Monday for an obituary.
What do I do? Should I contact the funeral home myself? I feel like I have bungled this terribly, but I’m not sure what I should have done differently. Am i just letting my own personal experience with loss get in the way?
*Allison's response is at the link on top*
[UPDATE 2016-12](https://www.askamanager.org/2016/12/update-is-my-employee-lying-about-needing-bereavement-leave.html)
*Remember the letter-writer wondering if her already untrustworthy employee was lying about leaving bereavement leave? Here’s the update.*
I really want to thank you and the comment section on this one. I kind of took a beating in the comments, but I think that it made me realize that I was failing at being an advocate for my employee and thus failing at a vital component of my job (and as a compassionate human).
A couple of things that I want to mention that might add some insight:
1) I work for a company that has a lot of union employees. While the employees in my department are not union, we are held to most of the same standards as the union employees when it comes to things like PTO accrual and time off. The requirement of documentation wasn’t my rule, Director’s rule, or even a prickly HR person’s rule. It’s something that specified in the union contract, so all employees for the company are held to it. I agree with most of the comments that it is unnecessary, but I don’t have the authority to get anyone to budge on it.
2) The Friday that all of this started, I had to leave work suddenly due to having a miscarriage. I should have taken more time off afterwards than just the weekend; I was an emotional and hormonal wreck. I had a million reasons that in my mind seemed to make sense for going into work. I think the only reason that I don’t beat myself up for not taking time off right then is knowing that Jane would have had to deal with Director on her own and that it would have turned out much worse (more on that below).
3) Director is well known for being a bully and to for holding grudges. I’m usually pretty good at standing up to him, and we don’t see eye-to-eye on a lot of things. He’s had more than one person storm out on him and quit. I feel pretty guilty that, at the time, I let my own judgement be swayed and panicked.
Anyway, after reading the comments, I picked up the banner of advocate and tried to see how I could help Jane in getting this resolved and get her paid. This is when things got really messed up as far as the company is concerned.
I went through payroll, our HR, and even corporate HR. Every time, I got the same answer: rules are rules. Then I started trying to find what other forms of documentation they would accept. They told me that they could accept the online link to vital records in lieu of a death certificate but that still didn’t prove that they were related. They asked for a copy of her mother’s marriage certificate. Jane got a copy of the marriage license, but because Jane has been married, divorced, and remarried, her name didn’t match her mother’s last name. Payroll then asked for Jane’s most recent marriage certificate and a copy of her birth certificate (I’m not kidding).
Jane could easily access her marriage certificate but had no idea where her birth certificate was as she had just moved. I tried escalating this further to the VP of Human Resources. No luck.
While Jane was trying to figure out how to get a new copy of her birth certificate, her sister discovered that the funeral home had never created the obituary because the family had forgotten to check a box on the forms. Within hours, we were holding an obituary. I delivered it personally to the head of Payroll, and they made sure the payment was on her check.
So, this has a somewhat happy ending but not without a lot of work and headache. Throughout the whole ordeal, I continued to apologize to Jane for the way that this was being handled and promise her that I was trying to escalate this to the highest level. I think that we reached a place of mutual understanding: that this was not OK and that the company is wrong in making someone jump through this many hoops at a time that they are grieving. So after much ado, it worked out, but I can honestly say that going forward I will advocate for my employees from the very beginning.
I take absolute responsibility for it going the wrong direction at the start of this fiasco. | YeaRight228 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yuahxj/aam_is_my_employee_lying_about_needing/ | yuahxj | 10,865 | 6,739 | [
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2022-11-13T19:05:06 | OOP makes some cakes for a competition | CONCLUDED | [removed] | youessbee | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yuapdk/oop_makes_some_cakes_for_a_competition/ | yuapdk | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-13T19:38:28 | My ex husband and his new wife made my daughter a back brace out of wood and steel and forced her to wear it. | REPOST | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/accountnumber496 in r/legaladvice**
trigger warning: >!child abuse!<
mood spoiler: >!infuriating!<
---
&nbsp;
[**My ex husband and his new wife made my daughter a back brace out of wood and steel and forced her to wear it.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/4a97dq/my_ex_husband_and_his_new_wife_made_my_daughter_a/) - 13 March 2016
My daughter is nine and we share custody by alternating weeks. My daughter says her back hurts now and her arm is tingling. I have a doctors appointment for her on Monday and in the meantime I am trying to remain calm.
I confronted my ex-husband about it and all her would say was one text message where he says his new wife didn't like how my daughter slouched at the dinner table. They aren't doctors and there is nothing wrong with her that she needs a brace. I fucking want to kill both of them. Is there a way I can get a quick court date or see a judge because I don't want her going back there. When we divorced it took a long time to figure out custody.
Edit: Sorry the location is the state of Florida. I'm so mad I'm having a hard time focusing.
&nbsp;
[**Update: My ex husband and his new wife made my daughter a back brace out of wood and steel and forced her to wear it (Florida)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/4xbb4q/update_my_ex_husband_and_his_new_wife_made_my/) - 12 August 2016
Firstly I would like to thank everyone for all the support in my first post and all the supportive PM's I received. It was really overwhelming (in a good way). A few people asked for an update so here it is.
So a lot has happened since I first posted. I called in to work while I was trying to get all this sorted. One of my co-workers has a cousin who is a lawyer and she knew someone who was able to help me and file the paperwork. My husband played dumb in court but his visits got reduced to supervised and he was ordered to take a parenting class.
My daughter went to physiotherapy. Eventually the court reinstated his visitation when he swore he had learned his lesson and was sorry and with his otherwise clean record the court agreed. I was against it but the court ruled against me.
I gave my daughter her own cell phone so she could call me whenever she needed to. On her second visit it happened again. This time the brace had steel and fabric instead of wood and they took her phone too. The next night she left when they weren't looking and went up the street to a neighbor who is a police officer. The neighbor called paramedics and her co-workers. They had to cut the brace off my daughter.
My husband and his wife were arrested. They got out quickly but they have been charged and their infant is with CPS. My ex lost visitation and custody and I'm working on making it permanent.
Unfortunately my daughter's shoulder was dislocated from the brace. It set back her rehab and part of her arm is still numb and tingling. She needed surgery and is still recovering. She always played sports (especially at school) and did dance but the doctor thinks she won't ever be able to lift her arm all the way up again.
I hate my ex and he'll see her again over my fucking dead body. Right now I'm focusing on my daughter while my lawyer takes care of things. That's my update.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yubmm1/my_ex_husband_and_his_new_wife_made_my_daughter_a/ | yubmm1 | 3,377 | 34,633 | [
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