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Wife wanted cake after eating it, husband (OOP) discovers it in unfortunate circumstances

REPOST

\*\**I am NOT OOP. Original post by* [*u/crush-Survivor-123*](https://www.reddit.com/user/crush-Survivor-123/) *in* [*r/survivinginfidelity*](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/) *and* [*r/cheating\_stories*](https://www.reddit.com/r/cheating_stories/) ​ \*\**OOP has posted largely the same text of the initial post in both subreddits, I have reproduced text from survivnginfidelity but cheating\_stories thread is also linked.* ​ \*\**Trigger warnings are as a measure of caution. If you disagree please ignore them. It is better to err on the side of caution when mentioning triggers.* ​ trigger warnings: >!infidelity, violence and assault, abusive relationship, !< ​ mood spoilers: >!sad, unfortunate for OOP's wife, things (mostly) improve for OOP!< ​ ​ ​ ​ # Discovered my wife’s (now ex) affair the day she was admitted into hospital , now years later she can’t accept my engagement to my fiancé. [[LINK - survivinginfidelity](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/is66hn/discovered_my_wifes_now_ex_affair_the_day_she_was/)] - September 13, 2020 ([Also posted in cheating\_stories](https://www.reddit.com/r/cheating_stories/comments/isqabk/discovered_my_wifes_now_ex_affair_the_day_she_was/)) # If ever there was a prize for thee most horrible way to learn of your significant other’s affair I would probably win it and be in its hall of fame, like so many people in this sub I suddenly found myself as a member of a club that no body ever wants to be part of. I will never forget the sound of my ex- sister- in- law’s voice as she kept saying “ I’m sorry, I’m sorry “ over and over on the phone while I drove home from a week long business trip. I was confused and had absolutely no idea what she meant but only after I managed to calm her down somewhat did she inform me that my wife was in hospital and that I needed to hurry home , my mind went into overdrive as I tried to get more information as well as not crash while I began speeding to get there faster. The only thing she told me is that it was an assault then cut the call and wouldn’t answer when I tried to call her again. A bit of background My ex and I met in our mid 20s , it was through a mutual friend at a barbecue. At first she seemed almost too good to be true, not only was she incredibly beautiful but she was also shy and introverted. It took a while for us to officially date but once it happened I was over the moon , when we first tried to get intimate she suddenly started crying( should of taken this as a bad sign) . I freaked out and thought it was something I did but she apologized the next day and told me she was triggered, as it turns out two years before meeting me she was in a longterm relationship and a guy that was abusive both emotionally ,physically as well as mentally. He would degrade her during their moments of intimacy then apologize after ward , she had a Flashback but reassured me it had nothing to do with me so we took things slow as she was still in therapy. It was tough but because I loved her I believed once we got over this it would make our relationship stronger and for a while it honestly appeared that way. Fast forward another year and we’d gotten engaged ( first time intimacy also happened during this stage) , I was fortunate enough to be able to buy a house for us courtesy of inheritance from my late uncle . Things were going great and I half seriously suggested we plant a peach tree ( important for later on) to signify new beginnings and she was all for it. We were wedded not long after that and quite frankly it was absolutely amazing. Of course we had our normal ups and downs like every married couple but I considered us more lucky because she always made it a point to never go to bed upset with each other and she would always point out gently if I did anything to upset her . Sometime later life basically happened and I was promoted at my job, it meant more pay but it also meant I would be traveling more for work conferences and business meetings. I noticed she had been getting down a lot more and wasn’t being as intimate as before , she would keep her phone close to her and even stopped gently addressing things that upset her. I tried to talk to her about it but she assured me that she was fine and this was a phase she was going through and having no reason to not trust her I let it go. She would sometimes go to her sister’s place and spend the night telling me she just needed a bit of girl time with her sister, the day I got that fateful phone call was the day she was meant to be keeping her sister company again. I remember rushing into the hospital barely breathing and frantically asking about my wife when world’s most understanding and patient police officer sat me down to explain what happened. He told me he was a friend of my SIL and he happened to respond to a domestic disturbance call , he arrived on the scene to find a couple fighting. The supposed boyfriend was on top of the female punching her and she was screaming trying to scratch him , this didn’t make any sense to me because 1.) this had nothing to do with my wife because we’re married and 2.) literally every one who knew my wife knew she wouldn’t do that. He gave me a knowing look and placed his hand on my shoulder than told me to be very calm because said girlfriend was actually my wife. If it weren’t for the severity of the situation I would’ve laughed in his face but something in the way he said everything made me believe him , I then was ushered in by a nurse to see my wife and what greeted me to this day I still can hardly find the words to describe it. I just stood there for what seemed like an eternity then a doctor came it and explained her injuries to me . The jaw was slightly fractured , her left eye was completely swollen shut and had massive bruising covering half of her face aswell as 3 broken ribs . Then the doctor dropped another bomb and told me she was pregnant , I still couldn’t understand how this happened then I caught sight of her sister. She at first tried to avoid me but at the persuasion of her police officer friend she told her what she knew, it turns out my wife’s ex had gotten in contact with her five months ago, he was doing this redemption pyramid step thing where he would apologize to people he has wronged in order to clear his karma ( anyone else B.S meter going crazy right now). They began talking more then he convinced her to meet up for coffee and show her he was a changed man . Obviously old feelings resurfaced coupled with the fact that he appeared changed now it soon developed into an emotional affair, my wife approached her sister for advice who told her to takes things slow and just get it out of her system if she needed to ,which then lead to a physical affair three months later.She actually told my wife that she should at least make peace with her ex in whatever form it may be and even offered to cover for my wife once in while. My SIL was in tears at this point and kept apologizing to me saying that she didn’t know about the abuse as my wife never told anyone other then me and her therapist at the time about it. I was numb , I just couldn’t feel anything and was absolutely dumbfounded by my wife’s actions. When my wife finally woke up I was there and she burst into tears upon seeing me. I spent the following months in zombie flight mode , there was individual counseling for her as well as marriage counseling for us at the strong urging of her family. In counseling she was surprisingly forthcoming about how it happened and how she absolutely hated herself for causing me pain, she mentioned how at one point on her way home from his place she actually fantasized about driving into the river because she smelt like him and didn’t want his scent to “ corrupt me” (however that made sense) , she said she the tried to end it but was too weak and only after learning that she was pregnant that it actually woke her up and made her realize that any further contact with this man was toxic to not only her but the unborn child aswell hence went to end things in person for good when he snapped on her. She became a shell of herself and developed a phobia for any other males but me, she one point she couldn’t even use the bathroom at night unless I was holding her hand ( sad right). After the baby was born (son by the way) we got a paternity test and he was mine, but the more time I spent with her the more I realize I didn’t hate my wife , I actually loathed her . I couldn’t see the woman I married but instead saw his left overs each time I looked at her , I decided to leave because I was afraid I’d do something I’d regret and be exactly like her abusive ex. She bagged me not to leave and even made the ridiculous offer of giving me a “hall pass” as well as slapping her if I wanted to, I knew at this point I had to get out. She was actually very generous during the divorce , she moved back into her parents and signed a very well thought out co parenting plan issued by the courts. Moving forward three years later and I meet my now fiancé by chance , I was in a book store with a buddy of mine and we were discussing Egyptian mythology when this beautiful woman approached me to correct me on my pronunciations of the Egyptian gods and cities. Needless to say immensely impressed by not only her understanding but also by the fact that she is Egyptian herself. We exchanged numbers which eventually lead us to dating, when I finally proposed to her it was actually in front of the preach tree I had plant years ago. I got down on one knee but before I got my answer she ran into the house then came out with a ring aswell. Turns out she was actually planning on proposing herself because she was madly in love with me and she just didn’t want any other woman to have me , my son in all his sweet child like innocence told his mother what happened because he was present when it happened. My ex literally showed up that night in the rain yelling about how could I propose to her ( my fiancé) in front of our tree and that this isn’t the end of us.. I am completely exhausted at this point, I cannot go NC because she is the mother of my child but she is basically harassing me and my fiancé. How do I convince her to move on , to get over her fear of men and not force me to get a restraining order. Sorry it was long but I am really desperate. Edit : Wanted to ask a question to the insightful women of reddit , something that still bugs me to this day is the fact that she even made time for her ex who took pleasure in destroying her only for her to suffer a much worse fate. Is it normal for the abused to want the attention of the abuser even if she might hate him ( something my ex said once) Edit 2 : Forget to add this in the original post , when my fiancé presented me with the ring which she was gonna use to propose to me she had an engraving on the inner band which states “ to my pharaoh “ .Damn I love this woman. ​ [*OOP's response to a comment on ex's behavior being a coping mechanism*](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/is66hn/comment/g5t6l64/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ​ This is really insightful , she has told me she hates how she felt like she needed him at the time , how she knew it was destroying our marriage , destroying me and destroying her. She knew she didn’t love him ( was and still continues to be adamant about this fact) but he was like a sweet Poison she couldn’t stop drinking , like someone blindfolded her eyes a bit too tightly and pushed her into cold water. She said getting pregnant with our son was the best thing other than marrying me that has ever happened to her , it tore the blindfold off her eyes and seemingly woke her up ( so to speak). She realized she was still his prisoner and wanted nothing more than to be free of him and be the best mother and wife she could be. She said she was a fool for ever responding to his message when he reached out and wishes she could slap some sense into her younger self and scream at herself to run for the hills ( metaphorically speaking). ​ ​ # Discovered my wife’s (now ex) affair the day she was admitted into hospital , now years later she can’t accept my engagement to my fiancé.UPDATE (shout out to mama202045) ([LINK - survivinginfidelity](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/j56kmw/discovered_my_wifes_now_ex_affair_the_day_she_was/)) October 04, 2020 ​ Wow didn’t expect this type of response thank you all so much for your support and kind words both for me , my fiancé and my ex . It’s sad that my situation with my ex and her abusive past isn’t as uncommon as I thought , reading some of your similar cases really makes one almost lose hope but glad to see some people have recovered from them . Now for what has happened since my first post. First off a big thank you to user “mama202045” for your simple yet amazing advice saved us a lot of trouble. Now on to what has happened so far. Since my last post my son’s birthday was coming up and he told us he wanted to have a camp night for it. Now I must explain the boy absolutely loves the out doors . Everything from camping to hiking to even playing in rivers are his favorite and obviously due to the on going situation we cannot go to our usual spots , so I offered my back yard for it . Another request he had was for my ex to sleep over aswell , he wanted to imitate a scene from one of his kid adventure shows where both parents are sitting on either of the child and all three are roasting marshmallows on the campfire . Now I had absolutely no intention of denying my son’s birthday wishes but at the same time I couldn’t have my ex sleep in the same tent as me and my son , that would be far too disrespectful to my fiancé even though she said she understood , it was clear she wasn’t ok with it. My ex seemed to take advantage of this and kept saying how much she was looking forward to spending the night with her two men and even went as far as to buy a whole lot of camping equipment that would put Bear Grillz to shame. She was certainly trying to rub it in my fiancé’s face and wasn’t graceful about it either , I had to tell her to stop a couple of times but she only relented when I threatened to invite her sister. Ever since our divorce my ex has had a burning hatred for her sister , she (my ex) acknowledges her role in the destruction of our marriage but blames her sister for encouraging the affair and not safeguarding from her making choices that would ruin her’s but more importantly ( according to her) our life together , it’s gotten so bad that she refuses to let her sister spend any significant amount of time with our son which at one point caused my ex- SIL to have severe depression . My ex-SIL has been trying for years to reconcile with her sister but it just seems to get worse as time goes on , a redditor “ mama202045” offered me a simple and effective solution. She suggested I go out and purchase a multi-roomed tent that way my fiancé could be included, I wasted no time and immediately went out to get one . Of course my ex wasn’t too happy about that but was glad to be under the same roof as me . During the birthday celebration my son was on cloud 9 , he ran around the yard and pretended he was a great Explora discovering a new land . When evening came I made the fire and my ex provided the marshmallows , he excitingly sat between us and started roasting his marshmallow alongside us. What I didn’t expect was after we were done taking pictures and making s’more’s he handed my fiancé a stick and a marshmallow aswell and sat next to her to make his second s’more. It’s honestly a mystery how something this pure and perfect could come out of the absolute mess that was the relationship between me and my ex. My ex asked for a bit of my time to which I obliged , we stepped into the kitchen and she apologized for her behavior on the day that I proposed but not for her actions following that . She told me she still sees me as her husband in her mind so the thought of me giving my heart to another terrified her , she said she never wanted to cause me pain and would give anything to go back in time and undo her mistakes . She mentioned how happy she was when the paternity test showed that I was the father because she thought it was a new beginning for us and that he was proof our love . I thanked her for the courage to share all this but told her I was happy with where I was in life and with whom I was with but hoped she would find someone to make her happy aswell. She said she meant what she told on the day we divorced and will wait for me . I left the kitchen feeling exhausted because none of what I was trying to say got through to her , we decided to call it a night where me and my fiancé slept in one room of the tent and my ex with my son in another. All in all a good birthday for my son but not so good night for me . That’s things so far and promise to update if anything major happens. ​ ​ ​ \*\**if anyone is able to find the comment by mama202045 being referred to please help me out and I'll update the post.* \*\**OOP has not posted in almost 2 years* *\*\*Reminder - I am not the original poster* [Cake](https://i.imgur.com/Tal9xPv.jpg)

ShakeThatTushy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yynk54/wife_wanted_cake_after_eating_it_husband_oop/

yynk54

[NEW UPDATES]Elementary school teacher vs Billionaire: Activist OOP investigates and exposes a shady hedge fund manager that bought her students' trailer park and is forcing eviction upon the poor families by jacking up the rent.

NEW UPDATE

[Original boru post with the previous updates](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ye1gve/elementary_school_teacher_vs_billionaire_activist/) Summary of previous post: rich man buys trailer parks all over the country to profit off of the housing crisis, OOP's town was targeted and now her students are on the brink of homelessness because of it. She decides to fight this by campaigning throughout her town and getting the media to pay attention to her. Mood spoiler: >!very bleak, the rich guy is winning :(!< All posts are written by u/play987654321 [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/stupidpol/comments/yjq483/fire_on_the_mountain/) Nov 1, 2022 I went back today to canvas the tenants at Massie’s with new Spanish/English Legal Aid pamphlets and an invitation to a tenant meeting this Saturday. The lawyer handling the case now will be there, and I want to give the tenants the opportunity to meet together to discuss their options. Do they want money to leave, or do they want to stay and fight? Apparently, Homes of America lawyered up, too, and hired some guy literally named Grimes Creasy. pynchon universe??? He seems to be reputable, but his frat boy son did rape someone at Ole Miss, and although he was convicted, he apparently never served a day in jail after his sentencing. The tenants I talked to today lived on the back side of the mountain. This particular hollow of trailers houses a lot of my students. Although all of the trailers in this section had received Notices to Quit, none of them have received formal evictions yet. This is a good sign, because today was the first of the month! If you were to look at the Notices to Quit, you would see that the laws the tenants were said to have been violating were all Michigan laws, so the document might not be valid at all in Virginia. I am wondering if Grimes Creasy saw what the trailer park was doing and told them they couldn’t evict anyone because the notices they were putting up were complete bullshit. I canvassed for three hours. I met an old woman named Velvet with some type of disease that made her neck go down to a 90 degree angle. She lived with her son and a hungry beagle dog. She showed me black mold in her trailer and she asked to give me a hug. I saw one mom living with two kids. She had holes in her walls and mold in her bedroom. She said her son, my student, was getting sick all the time and she wondered if it was because of the mold. One tenant told me his mom has lived there for 30 years and was getting the notices as well. He had bought a moving truck over today just in case he had gotten the eviction notice that never came. It was sitting in his front yard, surrounded by cats. I’ve been fielding calls from reporters because those posts went viral. I think tonight I talked to NBC nightly news and to a local (non-Alden) paper, Cardinal News. I’m supposed to get interviewed at 8am tomorrow, but I asked different parents I met if they wanted their kids to go on the news instead. I think they would make better TV than I would, plus then I can keep some degree of anonymity. I keep wondering why Alden Global speculated on this particular plot of land. Is money just changing hands? Did the university drive up land valuation that much? Are they betting on WWIII and want the land because it’s very close to the Radford Arsenal, where most US bullets are made? Did they find coal under the trailers? I wish I was more familiar with how the FIRE sector functions. All I know is this hedge fund does not care about these tenants. I am grateful that organizing seems to be working. I wanted to say thanks to the user here who contacted his childhood soccer coach (a lawyer!) to put me in touch personally with Legal Aid. I wanted to thank the user here who found a church who will host our tenants meeting, and who was kind enough to stay and help the pastor fold clothes to give away. I wanted to thank everyone who donated to Southwest Virginia Legal Aid, and to the users here who sent me money to print more fliers. It’s moving to get this much support from people I’ve never met. I hope the TV interview and the tenant meeting aren’t a bust. I’ll have to canvas everyday this week to hit all 174 tenants. I have a sinus infection, swallowing hurts, but at least I am familiar with enough tenants where I know where I can park so I don’t have to walk down the highway anymore. [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/stupidpol/comments/yknf3i/door_knocking_today_a_long_good_day/) Nov 2, 2022 I got to massie’s at 8am to meet with a TV news reporter from WDBJ7. I had "Tiny Tony" (TT) and his dad, a firefighter and ambulance driver, ready for the reporter to interview. They did great. When she asked him why he likes living here, he said he "liked his friends and going into the woods to dig holes." I did give an interview, I have no clue how it went because I was nervous and my bangs were poofy. I went to work. TT bragged on the playground that he was going to be famous. After work, I drove back to the park to start knocking on the road next to TT’s. While I was there, I got a phone call from NPR. I stood on the side of the road and explained what was going on, and while I was talking, a pickup screeched to a halt in front of me. TT was driving, on his dad’s lap. lol. He rolled the window down and asked if I needed help. I said no, I’m on the phone with a reporter, and his dad asked which reporter. I said NPR and he then asked me what that was, while the reporter was listening on the other end. For the next 2.5 hours, TT tagged along and went door knocking. Pretty much everyone on the back half of the park received the notices to quit. We knocked on other students’ doors, and they came out and followed along, too. TT wanted to take me on secret paths through the park, some of which I had to pass on because they required sliding down the steep mountainside on my bottom. I knocked on one door and there were two disabled people in wheelchairs, living without power. They had asked management to fix their electricity but nobody came to help. After this, at 5:30, a Roanoke Times reporter came and I introduced him to TT and his mom. Then a very sweet stupidpoler came and helped me doorknock. He’s ex-Mormon and has bad memories of canvassing, but I was glad he was there because this session went really well. He can probably attest that everyone we talked to was glad to see us and excited for the meeting Saturday. In two days, it took 6 hours, but I’ve now covered half the park with Legal Aid info and the flier for the upcoming tenant meeting. I don’t have an agenda for the meeting yet. The Legal Aid lawyer will speak, and then I’ll let tenants have 2 mins each to open mic their problems and ideas if they want. I might do breakout discussion groups. Since I got donations, I am going to buy a megaphone, and sign and banner materials, and see if the tenants want to meet us somewhere on the public roadside after the meeting is over to have a small demonstration. That’s only if the meeting has enough momentum. Sorry if I’m overposting. I kind of just wanted to tell you all that TT canvassed with me and about the two disabled people living in darkness because the new park owner— Tom Del Bosco from Alden Global Capital— is forcing them to live in the dark. [Update 3](https://www.reddit.com/r/stupidpol/comments/yl3uzj/comment_from_a_tenant_at_massies/) Nov 3, 2022 The following is a picture of one of the trailer park resident's thoughts on what's happening. Here is a transcription: I live in Massies and am 65 disabled and on disability. I have my grandson living with me he is diabetic with a host of other medical problems. So the fear and anxiety I feel every minute of every day. Waking in the middle of the night only to set and worry how long will we have a place to live. I have no other family no help and no one to talk to. Whats the use of going on when people like Massie and the new owner exists in this world only to get richer. What is you dumbass think you gonna buy your way into heaven. Listen stupid it doesnt work like that and karma will get you in the end. Also, [this link](https://roanoke.com/news/local/ownership-takeover-of-montgomery-co-mobile-home-park-raises-issues/article_0685d1f0-5cbb-11ed-9874-8bcff868fc14.html) is the Roanoke Times article that OOP interviewed for. [Update 4](https://www.reddit.com/r/stupidpol/comments/yo365z/an_update_about_the_tenant_meeting_at_aldens/) Nov 6, 2022 I spent last week canvassing for a tenant meeting at the trailer park Alden’s executives just bought, Massie’s. It took 15 hours total to hit all 174 units. A few of the days, I had kids following me around. Often, their houses were full of mold and holes. Some of their parents are dying. I think 20% of the park is vacant now. It’s apocalyptic. There’s eviction notices taped to doors, and when you peek inside the windows, there’s abandoned kid’s toys and mattresses. You ask a neighbor, and they will tell you the family just left in the middle of the night a few days ago. I was expecting anywhere from a dozen to 100 people. We got 58 tenants to the meeting. Some of my students were there. The meeting was in a beautiful church. Someone on this sub had coffee delivered, and the mother of a daycare student of mine brought water and power bars for the families. Legal Aid sent three lawyers and set up a paralegal in the lobby of the church to do intake directly. One lawyer told me this subreddit donated $3300, which— congrats— is the largest donation they’ve gotten over a single issue in their history. I had planned the meeting so that first Legal Aid would speak and then there would be breakout discussions so tenants could meet their neighbors and discuss what they wanted to do together. This was a mistake, I should have done the discussions first and then had Legal Aid talk because tenants were so frustrated and angry at the lawyers, they left. This is because the Virginia legal system is not designed in the favor of tenants. First off, lawyers can’t speak directly to the issues, but they can only give an overview of tenants rights. So people in the audience wanted to know about their leases, and we had to tell them they needed to sign up for Legal Aid first, which was easy enough but some tenants were legit angry, asking, "why am I here?" Secondly, Legal Aid can’t do a class action lawsuit on their behalf. The system is designed to treat this collective problem as an individual concern. Thirdly, while Legal Aid did a good job educating them about what landlords can and cannot do, they failed to tell tenants how to pull off tenant’s assertions— which is the legal way for tenants to make maintenance demands that have to be met before money can be put in escrow. Since people left before the group discussion, I didn’t have the opportunity to suggest militant extralegal actions, like a march on the park manager or a rent strike. I felt like a failure after the meeting, which was hard. But after some consideration, I think it wasn’t a failure and I felt that way because I’ve been so sick all week and I overworked. I met an 80 year old black Vietnam vet— a recent widow living in a trailer full of mold— heating himself with his oven because his heater broke. I believe he was extorted for more money than he owed, and he did pay it up to avoid eviction. I got him connected to Legal Aid. I met many pregnant women and young parents struggling to make rent on time. Their kids are always sick. Tiny Tony told me he wanted to pass out fliers with me, but first he had to make his mom, who just lost a leg, some easy mac. He had the worst trailer of them all. Over the summer, they lived in a tent in the yard. The situation is grim. Here’s how I know this wasn’t all a failure and we did something right. Another organizer told me I had probably canvassed enough and I could stop, but me and another poster went out yesterday morning to hit the last two streets of houses. While we were there, we met an older black woman, Jackie, who worked as a custodian at the hospital but had been injured on the job. She invited us in. She had been about to turn in the signed rule book to the manager, because she thought she had to, and I told her that she didn’t. If she had signed it, she could have been held financially responsible for painting and leveling her trailer. We connected her with Legal Aid over her eviction notices. She couldn’t drive, so I offered to take her to the meeting. At the meeting, she ended up being able to meet with her lawyer in person. She recorded all the info the lawyers told her, and she was frustrated the tenants didn’t want to talk together. At the end of the night, she gave me a hug with tears in her eyes and thanked God we had come to her door that morning. At the meeting, she and three other women decided they would work on a petition— basically, a collective tenant’s assertion— and since I have all the tenant’s contact info organized now, it will be easy to disseminate whatever they write. I am going to offer to write certified mail for tenants who need urgent repairs and regularly start visiting the elderly there. I’m also going to take classes so I can be a foster parent. None of this will tip the scales. Best case scenario, it stopped a few dozen people from being evicted. The tenants need to take a leap and organize themselves as a community against the evictions that are going to happen anyway, because some evictions will be carried out due to failure to pay. The tenants need to have the abusive park manager removed. I understand, too, why some tenants were mad at what limited help the lawyers could offer them. But knowing how the system works is pretty key in fighting against it, because it might cause you to realize your fight against it needs to be extralegal. As Rosa once wrote, you don’t know the weight of your chains until you start to move. Someone told me Alden has bought 400 parks, and this is the 401st. I do realize what I’ve seen in these past few weeks is happening all over America, not just Appalachia. I know I sound sad and like I’m throwing pasta on a wall to see if anything sticks. I want to encourage you as Marxists or people with any ounce of compassion in your hearts, to go to the mobile home parks near you and organize, try stuff I didn’t try, and talk to every person, because enough quantitative organizing will cause a leap in quality. And by quality, I do mean that one day, there will be a redneck revolt. It is not right that the richest men in America can extort the working poor for this much money while keeping their quality of life this terrible.

riverstyxoath

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yyo571/new_updateselementary_school_teacher_vs/

yyo571

OOP sees herself marrying her partner of 5 years, partner doesn't

CONCLUDED

*\*\*I am NOT OOP. Original post by* [*u/bathdub-mermaid*](https://www.reddit.com/user/bathdub-mermaid/) *in* [*r/TrueOffMyChest*](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/) ​ trigger warnings: >!lying?!< ​ mood spoilers: >!redditors were right, they break up!< ​ *\*\*TLDRs included by OOP* ​ ​ # Our rock solid relationship imploded in a single night and I’m completely blindsided [[LINK - TrueOffMyChest](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/y6b1df/our_rock_solid_relationship_imploded_in_a_single/)] - October 17, 2022 # My partner (25m) is my (26f) rock and I’m his. Literally he tells me that all the time including yesterday. We’ve been together for five years and have a truly wonderful relationship. Always talking, laughing, comfortable with one another. Able to communicate healthily even when we disagree. After surviving abuse as a child and struggling with unhealthy romantic relationships in the past, the fact that we love each other in a respectful, secure and profoundly healthy way is truly my biggest blessing and I wake up every day so happy and grateful for him. He is an incredible man with so much drive, intelligence, kindness, and gifts to give the world. About a year and a half ago it came up for the first time that we saw ourselves getting married one day. It was such a beautiful moment and it rocked my world to have been vulnerable, said those words, and have him say them too. Since then it’s been something incredibly happy that I get to hold in my heart and look forward to. The subject has come up sporadically since then but I haven’t wanted to push it too far since we are young and it is very much an “eventually” thing. Both of our parents are divorced and his come from money. He got a lot of strong advice growing up not to marry young and to protect his assets, to see it from a more financial view than I ever have thought of it. Nevertheless the thought makes me happy and we often daydream about the future we’ll build together: the little house in New Hampshire we hope to buy and the dogs and chickens we’ll have. These are conversations he participates in and brings up on his own all the time. I want to be able to talk casually about the marriage aspect, too - go to bed with a sleepy “can’t wait to marry you” or “love of my life” - but for some reason recently whenever the subject has come up he’s clammed up and made it feel really serious. This culminated maybe two months ago with a really weird conversation in which I sensed he might not have processed what “marriage” really means in the way that I had, and that he wasn’t ready to be talking about this in the way that I was or as much as he had let on. I told him I don’t want to put a gun to his head, this is just something that makes me happy to think about and talk about, and I tell him everything. I said I love him for him; I’d wait as long as he needs; but that I firmly didn’t want to bring up the subject again until he was comfortable discussing it. I wanted to relieve the pressure on him, and I haven’t mentioned it since. Well, yesterday we spent a really lovely day getting lunch and hiking with my family. They live far away so we don’t see them very often. My stepsister and her fiancé were there as well, and of course there was a little bit of light conversation about their upcoming wedding. My bf was his usual friendly, easygoing self. I noticed he seemed quiet on the way home and later that evening so I asked if he was worried about work but he just said he was tired from a long day traveling. I made him a drink, kissed him on the forehead like I always do and promised we could do whatever he wanted to relax that night. Just did what I normally do when I can tell he’s stressed, try to show empathy and take care of him. But then as I’m making dinner he comes over to me and drops this bomb. He came over to me crying and said spending time with an engaged couple and even barely talking about their wedding had sent him into a panic and he didn’t know if he could ever see himself getting married. I was completely blindsided. I tried to parse what he was saying but it was like my brain was stuck. Evidently he had been locking himself in his office at work all week crying about this. I kept asking him why he would say he wanted to marry me if he didn’t. He said he was lying, basically. That he wanted to give me what he knew I wanted to make me happy. I could only just stare at him open mouthed. I kept trying to pinpoint if he was saying to me, “I don’t think I’ll be ready to get married for a long time” or “I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to get married” and I really don’t think he knows himself. I don’t think he has put any kind of mature thought into marriage at all. It was like talking to a scared child. He kept saying stuff about not knowing where his career will lead or if he’ll have money (he has a great job, an outstanding network, and is definitely not poor. Neither of us are) and I was just like. We’re a partnership. You wanted to be with me yesterday, you want to be with me today, do you want to be with me tomorrow? Yes, he said. I said well that’s all what matters, we have a life we love and we’ll take on the future together when it comes. I’m devastated. He left for his mother’s house and I don’t know when he’ll be home. I can not take another sleeping pill or my heart will stop but I can’t sleep a wink. I literally spiked a 100 degree fever and spent all night sweating and freezing. I had no idea it was possible to be in so much pain it makes you physically sick. This person is the bedrock of my life. We have ALWAYS had rock solid confidence that we can trust each other, be vulnerable around each other, and be our full authentic selves without inhibition or fear of judgment We share everything together and we are best friends. He even said that over and over as he sobbed and told me he loved me and that he didn’t want to get married. Hours ago I had the most beautiful and solid relationship in the world. Now I don’t know if we’re going to break up. I’m reeling. I feel like I’ve been stabbed in the back by my safe space. The earth fell out from under me and I don’t even know what to think any more. TLDR; my boyfriend of five years held in all his fears about marriage and commitment and they all exploded out at once, and now our amazing and healthy relationship could completely sink out of nowhere. ​ ​ # Update: My rock solid relationship imploded in a single night and I’m completely blindsided - October 29, 2022; [unddit link](https://www.unddit.com/r/relationships/comments/yh0pw1/update_my_rock_solid_relationship_imploded_in_a/) ​ Original post [here if you need it](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/y6atqf/our_rock_solid_relationship_imploded_in_a_single/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) I just want to say thank you to every person who commented. I was in an absolute state while writing my original post, and truly thought 8 people would see it. I read every comment. The kind and empathetic advice I received gave me a little bit of hope and peace as I waited, and that was basically the only reason I was able to eat lunch those first two days. I want to thank all of you for that. The long and short of it is, he left me. I called him the next day asking when he would come home - he’d told me he needed a day to think - but he was talking like we were broken up. I asked him to at least tell me we’re still together. He wouldn’t. So yeah. He just torched it in pretty much an instant. I had been leaning a lot on the kind words I received from folks who reassured me that one fight does not need to derail everything we’ve built over the last five years. I took the perspective that the question of marriage was something that we’d need to discuss seriously and hopefully through therapy to arrive at what both of us want. I had no idea he would just upend the table with no warning, without ever expressing his feelings or giving us the chance to address it with even a single conversation. So many of the comments I received revolved around the question, is not marrying him a dealbreaker for you? Would you be ok with simply a long term relationship? I don’t know. I would have to search my soul for that answer. But I didn’t even get the chance. He made that choice for me. Five beautiful years and he just fucking left. Needless to say, there were a million better ways to do this while honoring his fears and feelings while still showing me an ounce of respect as his partner and someone who loves him. This owed a conversation, and even if we still reached the same conclusion, I would understand. But this?It’s not what I deserve. I did see him one night and we have been texting. He said all of this awful stuff about how he was just trying to tell me everything I wanted to hear and how I wouldn’t like the person he really is underneath all of his people pleasing. He’s got a lot of this “don’t talk about it, just run” in his family, including in his parents relationships. My partner has always said he doesn’t respect this kind of behavior and talked vehemently about how his values are different. Then he just did the same thing. Although when I wrote my original post I wanted nothing more than to continue living our happy day to day together, but given this entire nightmare, space is the only thing that can do anything for either of us at this point. He has no idea what he’s feeling or how to talk about it in a healthy way. My dad had the simplest take and yet said it best: he’s immature. He needs to work on himself, and I hope he does. As for me, I’d be an idiot to still want to marry him knowing this is the kind of thing he’s capable of. So, we’ve got to break our lease. Apartment hunting while still reeling from this 180 flip of my life has been terrible. We moved to this city together, and pretty much every friend I have I met through him, so I’m really scared it will mean losing a lot of other people I love too. It’s going to be expensive and miserable to live on my own, and I’m still grieving my sweet love and the life I thought we were going to have together. I gave five years of my life and so much of myself to being one half of that partnership - I never wanted to be on my own again and now I am. I still love him, but I can’t wait around while he fixes himself, or pine foolishly hoping one day he’ll wake up and be ready for me. I don’t want to stand on my own two feet, but that’s just what I have to do. My question now is, how do I move on? If/when we do eventually talk, what can I even say? TLDR; He left and a lot of people were right, I didn’t have the relationship I thought I had. ​ ​ *\*\*There is a* [*post*](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/u88o86/i_saw_this_format_on_here_and_just_needed_to_use/) *OOP made in raisedbynarcissists referencing a boyfriend of 15 years but it is about her mother, not a boyfriend (*[*relevant comment*](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/y6atqf/comment/ispji91/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)*)* *\*\*Reminder - I am not the original poster*

ShakeThatTushy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yyo9pl/oop_sees_herself_marrying_her_partner_of_5_years/

yyo9pl

AITA for pointing out that my sister is morbidly obese during an argument?

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**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/plastic-spat in r/amitheasshole** trigger warning: >!bodyshaming!< ---   [**AITA for pointing out that my sister is morbidly obese during an argument**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fv72sd/aita_for_pointing_out_that_my_sister_is_morbidly/) - 5 April 2020 I was born into a very unhealthy family. My siblings and I were all overweight by our teens. My siblings are now either obese or morbidly obese. As a teen, I lose weight and be mocked. I'd walk laps around our living room because I was too ashamed to walk out in public, ate a restricted diet that I thought was healthy at the time. When I lost a noticeable amount of weight (but was still overweight), parents threatened to force feed me, would make cow noises at me, made comments on my appearance, etc. I've spent the past several years trying to develop healthier habits, educated myself about nutrition, try to eat a balanced diet and live a more active lifestyle. My parents and siblings gossip about how I have an 'eating disorder' to people outside the family. My parents asked that I bring my two kids and stay with them to help out during isolation. My eldest sister and her five kids live with them. When I first came over, I started cooking for the whole household but they wanted what they're used to eating. So now I'm cooking for my kids and I and making whatever my parents want to eat. My sister has been making snide remarks about how how I'm trying to force them to be health freaks while I'm staying here. I do the shopping for the household and even just bringing home vegetables or fruit (apart from apples) is enough to get comments or rolled eyes. I've been out walking (permitted so long as we socially distance and don't congregate). If I don't manage to get out in the morning then I know there are more people out walking and don't want to risk it so I walk laps around the backyard instead (I track my steps and try to hit 10000 a day). I don't work out to avoid criticism. Walking around the yard upset my sister. She thought it was her responsibility to 'call out my eating disorder'. I'll be making my kids sick by walking laps around the yard and screw them up like me. My parents agreed that I was being stupid, no one goes to such 'extremes' in isolation. I asked them what else I should do with my free time then and they said to watch something on TV like a normal person. I told them that it was my choice. My sister started yelling at me about how it was their house, should listen to them and that I'm sick in the head. I got angry and told her I was finally healthy for the first time in my life and being in the house with her would probably make me sick. Then she said, "you think you're smart because you're skinny but you're still fucking stupid." So I said, "If I want health advice, I won't take it from someone who is morbidly obese." I know how much comments about weight can sting so I do feel guilty about it. At the same time, I don't feel like her putting my weight or habits under a microscope was fair either. AITA here? Verdict: NTA   [**Update in comments**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fv72sd/comment/fmjlyo4/) - 6 April 2020 UPDATE I don't know if editing my post is a good idea as there's character limit for posts on this sub. According to the rules, I should wait a few weeks for a follow up but I'm hoping to shove this whole incident out of sight and mind forever. Thank you to everyone for responding. I hoped I'd have a few opinions to help me decide if I was in the wrong and instead I got a few hundred, which is a lot to reply to individually. I packed our bags and was preparing to leave yesterday. My dad saw me and asked if I was really going and when I said yes he told me that I shouldn't abandon them because I don't know how to deal with my sister. I told him that if he is going to let her harass me then he isn't helping me to stay. He told me to stop being dramatic so I told him that I will apologise to her and stay if she apologises to me first. He laughed at me and said it wasn't going to happen, she doesn't apologise for how she deals with them either. My mum got upset (crying) when I was loading the car up and told me to stop being upset over small, stupid things, we're family, shit happens, it's not fair to make my sister responsible for all of them in this time of crisis, if anything happens to any of them or my sister's kids it'll be because I left. I started crying and she told me to just come inside and not do this to the kids (i.e take them away from their cousins). I told her my kids aren't staying somewhere that I'll be disrespected and bodyshamed. She told me I was being ridiculous and was bored and looking for an excuse to leave. The kids and I are back home now. I don't feel relieved yet, just a little guilty. The amount of posts, especially the ones telling me I'm TA and I suck if I stay, have reassured me that leaving is the best thing for everyone. The posts from people who themselves are overweight or obese were also helpful. I appreciate your perspectives and taking the time to share your stories. I don't believe I would have focused on her weight if she hadn't been so fixated on mine and in the moment it felt like the only way to get her to back off was to point out how ridiculous it was that she was trying to 'help' me when she herself is not focusing on her own health. It came out in a very pointedly hurtful way. She literally pulled her arm back to slap me and stopped herself and walked off crying and calling me a rude bitch. I don't feel good about what I said. I don't feel good about how she was treating me either or how it escalated this far but I didn't feel like I could say anything to make her stop until I did. To answer a few questions: Why did I come to stay with them? I live over an hour away and didn't want to be driving back and forth with my kids. My parents asked for my help. They and my sister are very anxious about the virus. I assumed that because I don't see them often and they reached out, they must have been desperate. My kids also liked the idea of spending time with their cousins and my partner is working OS atm. When I came to stay three weeks ago, grocery delivery services were being cancelled and/or orders weren't being delivered fully. Shelves were pretty bare but I'd shop at three different stores in the same complex to bring food home. This is easing up now so I don't feel so bad. Even though they're bullies? I (stupidly) assumed that because they asked for my help, they would be a bit grateful. They're not. They won't ever be. That much is obvious now. They don't care about how my sister's words have hurt me and I should know better by now. They taught her to be this way and now that they're not picking on me to the extent that they used to, they're enabling her to do it. And now I realise that I was too by staying. Do I have an eating disorder and is my sister actually overweight? I honestly don't believe I currently have an eating disorder though I do believe I did have one in my teens. I don't track calories and I don't weigh myself regularly. According to my last weight, my BMI was 22. My sister is morbidly obese and is on the waitlist for a knee replacement. I would hesitate to label her weight if there was no medical history there to back it up. I have two other siblings and they are either obese or morbidly obese by sight but I've never asked them. Why am I letting them insult/bully me? I was brushing it off most of the time from lack of a better coping mechanism. Retaliating or leaving didn't feel like good options at the time. I know that leaving will now paint me as the bad guy to friends and the rest of the extended family because I came to help and then gave up after insulting my sister. I'm not going to enjoy explaining this to people and losing respect for a lot of them in the process. TLDR: Kids and I went home and I didn't apologise.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yyq3q2/aita_for_pointing_out_that_my_sister_is_morbidly/

yyq3q2

AITA for publicly calling out the school nurse?

REPOST

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/aitaglucosefather in r/amitheasshole** ---   [**AITA for publicly calling out the school nurse?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qho1gw/aita_for_publicly_calling_out_the_school_nurse/) - 28 October 2021 Me (34M), my daughter with type 1 diabetes (11F) My daughter has T1D, and has been diagnosed since she was 5. For the most part, she handles it like a champ, but she’s a kid. Sometimes it sucks. I don’t blame her when she’s upset about it. She’s gotten very good at managing how she’s feeling and speaking up when she feels off or wrong. That said, she’s 11, and the nurse and 2 of her block teachers are meant to supervise when she gives herself medication. We have a 504 plan in place at her school and have had it in place since diagnosis. I have conferences with teachers every year, and since she started at the middle school this year, her new nurse and administrative staff. I let my daughter speak her piece and let her feel heard. She’s struggled with non-school extracurricular before ignoring her concerns when she says she doesn’t feel good because she “looks fine”. This school year started the end of August and we met a week prior. I got a call Monday afternoon while I was at work saying that the school bus driver had to call the ambulance for my daughter on the way home because she fainted. My job is forty minutes away so I said I would meet them at the hospital. She was awake and chatting with her nurse when I got there. Her blood sugar had dropped very, very low while she was at school. She was feeling better and didn’t seem too bothered so I took her home once allowed and let her pick a movie to watch. Once the movie was over, I asked if she didn’t feel good at school. I needed to make sure she wasn’t ignoring her symptoms and had eaten lunch. She told me that she felt weird just before the end of the day, and checked her sugar with her teacher, who had sent her to the nurse when it was really low. When she told the nurse she needed glucagon, the nurse said no and she should take it at home when she gets there. At this point, I was raging. The nurse did not give her her medication AND THEN SENT HER TO THE BUS. The 504 plan in place has a stipulation that if her blood sugar is too low at the end of the day, she cannot take the bus home. The nurse is supposed to give her glucagon and I get called to pick her up/arrange someone to take her home. The bus drivers aren’t trained to know what to look for or to give her medication. I called the school Tuesday morning to arrange a meeting to talk about what happened. We scheduled it but it hasn’t happened yet. In the meantime, I went wild. Mile long Facebook post with pictures of the 504 and hospital bill and me ranting. It kind of took off and got a lot of attention. Last night, my siblings and coworkers started telling me maybe I went too far in making the post, specifically in my naming the nurse. It was shared in a couple of different pages on Facebook for our county and town, and a lot of people have been making comments on the school board’s social medias about the nurse. A lot of the outrage comes from other parents with kids on 504 or IEP plans. AITA for calling out the school/nurse? Verdict: NTA   [**UPDATE Nurse Call Out**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qse1a4/update_nurse_call_out/) - 12 November 2021 In short, the nurse was fired. She was reported to all necessary persons by myself and the school. My daughter is fine. She is in a new school. We’re reviewing her treatment and school plans with doctors. That day, my daughter’s last block teacher had gone to the nurse to check in on her because she knew her sugar was too low to go on the bus. She didn’t see my daughter there and asked the nurse who told the teacher she’d dismissed her to the bus. Internally, the teacher reported the nurse before I even knew what happened. My lawyer came to the meeting with me. The school was already in damage control mode and as apologetic as could be. They let me know the nurse was put on leave by the next morning. Their lawyer came with an offer to pay the medical bills. He talked about how they would be meeting with the Teacher’s Union so they could properly move forward with the nurse’s dismissal. My lawyer and I left and he said they were doing everything they could to not have me sue them. I chose not to sue so long as they covered the hospital bills and damages. For those who asked about glucagon injection without her passing out: that day, her vision went black, she was dizzy, and she was stumbling once in the nurse’s office. Other health things: She’s getting a CGM (and a phone. Regrettably I was not above bribing her). We’re revising her plan and talking to her new school about all of the changes. For those concerned about my using the nurse’s name: my lawyer had no concerns since her name was in multiple places associated with the school and her place of employment was on her own social media sites. Since during the meeting it was confirmed what happened with my daughter and what she’d told me was accurate, he didn’t think she would have any grounds to stand on if she wanted to pursue action against me. For those who commented I was TA for sharing my daughter’s info on Facebook: I have 50 friends who are majority family. I also always check with her when I post pictures and about what I share. That’s the easiest place for multiple people to get quick and/or big updates at once. Some of the older family members check Facebook more than their emails. You can be upset I shared this, but this system has worked for us. Family gets updates of what she’s okay with them all knowing. I didn’t think my Facebook could share my post but my privacy settings were open. That’s since been fixed. Also since a few asked: I am my daughter’s only parent. Her mother gave up all rights and no longer lives nearby, which is why she is not in the list of emergency contacts. For obvious reasons, I’m still upset about it all, but my daughter is acting as if nothing ever happened. She’s fitting in to her new school well and she’s as happy as ever.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yys92h/aita_for_publicly_calling_out_the_school_nurse/

yys92h

TIFU OOP expected family to be pay for birthday dinner

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[removed]

Standard-River-5629

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yysle0/tifu_oop_expected_family_to_be_pay_for_birthday/

yysle0

Former friend who called OOP a bad influence for being childfree just demanded today that OOP take in his family + 3 kids into their home.

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[removed]

matrayzz

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yytfwd/former_friend_who_called_oop_a_bad_influence_for/

yytfwd

Wife[23F] is freaking out over my[27M] new female friend

INCONCLUSIVE

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/overall_box in r/relationship_advice** ---   [**Wife[23F] is freaking out over my[27M] new female friend**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/bzat70/wife23f_is_freaking_out_over_my27m_new_female/) - 11 June 2019 Hello all, A little context, my wife has told me she gets along better with men, and generally prefers their company. We both moved to a new city when we got married, I was very lucky to have friends in the area. She did not. She made a new friend, we'll call Michael, after a coworker set up a "blind hangout" thing and a hike. As far as I know that's the only time they physically saw each other, but they kept in touch through Instagram ever since. That was about a year and a half ago. During that time, I've had a lot of problems with him. My wife and I have an open text policy, and the few times I've read what he's saying to her, I've gotten upset. Examples include: -He only refers to me as "boyfriend". Wife insists shes told him shes married, he just refuses to acknowledge. -He's expressed he has no interest in ever meeting me(She's defended this by saying he just hates Americans. I think he's Ukrainian.) -He's called my wife pretty, cute, heart emojis, that crap -He constantly asks her out for drinks and dinner, and always asks her to not bring me or tell me. -They both have deleted countless messages, and even comments on each others pictures. I've yelled and argued over his behavior to the point of exhaustion, I eventually just let it go and learned to coexist with his presence. My wife refuses to cut him out of her life, says nothing hes done is inappropriate and that even if it was, she doesn't like him so it shouldn't matter. I said all that so I can say this: I've never been allowed to have female friends. I recognized the hypocrisy but honestly didn't care much, I didn't have any female friends anyway. That changed recently, I met a girl I clicked with at an event and we've been texting loosely over the last few days. My wife went through my facebook messages and caught wind, and has since gotten extremely upset. To be clear, I've never cheated. The conversations were completely innocent, very "getting to know someone" kind of fluff. My wife told me to cut her out or she's getting a divorce. I thought this was silly, as I've been putting up with Michael for much, much longer. I kept trying to point out the double standard, but she just kept repeating how she didn't care, and her friendship with Michael was different because they'd known each other longer. Never mind they met the same way. The only viable thing I could think shes worried about is the fact I'll be seeing the new girl once a week, consistently for a few months, due to the nature of the event we attend. My wife has not seen Michael since they hung out once more than a year ago. They text constantly though. She knows everything thats going on in his life, every detail. She's admitted casually that he understands her better than anyone. We argued for a while, and I ended up getting really upset trying to show her how ridiculous the whole conversation was, that if she wanted me to have zero contact with any women except for her, I wanted the same from her. She went to bed promising to spend extra time with Michael and flipped me off. I admit I'm writing this pissed off, but I'm having a hard time feeling like an asshole. I genuinely don't believe I'm wrong. At all. Am I? Tl;dr: Wife wants me to stop talking to new female friend. She's had a male friend for over a year that crosses constant boundaries. She refuses to stop talking to him, and won't reason with me. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. **UPDATE(6/11):** Woke up to lots of feedback! I want to paint the most unbiased picture I can, so I'll try my best to paint the clearest picture below: They have always been kinda shady with their "friendship". I'm expected to hand my phone over weekly for my wife to go through and interrogate me, meanwhile I have to fight and pester to see hers in return. She won't just hand it over like I do. This kind of thing has been a problem for a long time, but I don't want to paint myself as a complete victim. I've thrown fits over a lot of the men in her life, to the point where It's probably my insecurity more then anything. She does a good job convincing me I'm always talking out of my ass and these guys aren't doing anything wrong, and I'm not letting her make any friends. That I'm controlling and want to keep her isolated. I've expressed a million times I would love her to find hobbies, friends, and interests outside of me. She has zero life outside of me and whatever boys shes texting. When shes not working shes on her phone, on social media. That's literally it. Anyway, there was a period where Michael had a girlfriend, much to my wifes dismay. My wife used to slam this girl that she didn't even know. Say awful things, hope she dies, expressed no desire to ever meet her, would openly tell me how much she missed Michael. According to her, the deleted texts were Michael's doing, and he did that because HIS girlfriend was getting upset over how he treated my wife. He was covering his own ass because his own girlfriend thought he was crossing boundaries. Unreal. They broke up. Just a few weeks ago, actually. According to my wife she dumped him because she got done spending all his money, and was done using him. I suspect its because of my wife, he probably refused to change his behavior so his girlfriend ran for the hills. In the past whenever I've tried to argue against Michael and basically BEG her to get rid of him, she insisted that she just wants friends. Shes lonely. She doesn't believe Michael thinks about her like that. He's just joking. I'll admit I'm getting some kind of vindictive pleasure feeding her her own medicine, but I never win these wars of attrition. I crave peace in my house and usually always fold first just to make things return to a normalcy. Reading over all the comments I realize I've been a giant pussy and should have put boundaries down, but I worry that time has long since past. It's difficult for people to relearn how to treat you. The fight we're currently in won't end until I cut all contact with my friend. She will not stop talking to Michael, this is the 11,000th fight over the subject, I know that isn't going to change. I'm having a hard time justifying if the fighting is even worth it. It's going to days, if not weeks of crying, ice-cold shouldering, taunting me with Michael, taking slutty pictures on Instagram, etc. until I break and give up. I always last until the tears, I just can't handle her crying. Shit drives me nuts. In any case I think I'm just going to dig my heels in with this and see how bad it gets. I'm coming to realize if its not this, it'll just be something else. It's only been a few years, and marriage is meant to be forever, but I'm exhausted. She's incredible at gaslighting and manipulation, and I feel like I've done a horrible thing by talking to this other girl. I feel like I've betrayed my wife and I'm causing her pain, but I need to remember she's been doing this with Michael for a long time, and she doesn't seem to give a fuck, so why should I? **Update 2:** So I think we might really be getting a divorce. First thing she texted me after the fight was: "Your really disrespectful. You can continue to not care as always.". I sent a really long message about how she finds my friendship with new girl disrespectful, fine. I told her I found her friendship with Michael disrespectful, for all the reasons listed above. She told me she needs him in her life for the times when I'm not there, like now. That was about the stupidest shit I've ever heard and I'm pretty done with all of this. It's been a long, long time coming. I want my life back. I just don't need this shit. She told me she doesn't care if I run away with new girl, that I should just leave her and how I'm a coward and I never cared. I told her if she'd really rather leave me then cut the other guy out, so be it. she's his problem now. Good luck dude. She went on to say she doesn't care if I have a million girlfriends, I can fuck all of them, how dare I disrespect her like this and she "wants me the fuck out of her life". I guess now I need to figure out where I'm going to go. None of my friends have a couch, I don't have much money. We have a good 8 months left on our lease. Hmmm. **Update 3(6/12):** So we had a talk last night, I was trying to avoid her because I just didn't want to deal with this and I wanted to think. She relented and said I'm allowed to have female friends, she just wants to stop fighting. I didn't cave. I kept pressing and said "This is about Michael. This is about your emotional affair." She seemed like she didn't know what that word meant and after looking it up, laughed and said that's completely insane. She said Michael is her only friend she has, she wants him to be her best friend, and that her finding comfort in him when we have problems is no different then me finding comfort from my friends, which I've done. I can't help but feel like she has a point, but there must be some difference between friends and whatever the fuck Michael is trying to be. I cannot convince her she's having an emotional affair, her words "How can you know what I'm feeling. Your making accusations based off assumptions.". I suggested we take the problem to ONE couples counseling session, just to help get a definition of emotional cheating. She shot that down, insisting shes too lazy to bother. I told her I'm asking her for one thing, if this could be the one thing that saves the marriage. She says she thinks I should go, but she has zero interest in going. She has zero interest in changing anything, shes completely convinced she's done nothing wrong. She even continued to say she thinks Michael is her only friend, and hopefully soon her best friend. Her big argument was I want to take her one and only friend away, that I freak out over every man in her life(which is true, I struggle with insecurity) and if its not Michael it will just be someone else. She doesn't want to make any other friends, she doesn't want to meet anyone else. She insists I've never seen proof of Michael openly flirting or wanting her sexually, which to an extent is true...I've never seen texts of him outright saying it, but I still feel like he's crossing a serious line. She insists all she meant with the "I need him when your not around" comment is the same as me needing my friends when we fight. My head is all fucked up right now. I'm feeling like an asshole, but I still feel justified. I don't want to cave on this. I don't even know what my outcome is anymore though, I'm not sure what I'm trying to achieve with the fighting. I feel like if I win and she cuts Michael out it will be for the completely wrong reasons, and the victory will be bitter and hollow.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yyvrjo/wife23f_is_freaking_out_over_my27m_new_female/

yyvrjo

DNA solves a family mystery: John R Raney -> James Phillip Rusconi

CONCLUDED

FlipDaly

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yywki5/dna_solves_a_family_mystery_john_r_raney_james/

yywki5

My evil teenage cousin is making troubles for me

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yyx27r/my_evil_teenage_cousin_is_making_troubles_for_me/

yyx27r

AITA for very politely and with love declining a friends wedding invitation because she very specifically invited me but not my partner?

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**I am NOT OP. [Original post] https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y0khaq/aita_for_very_politely_and_with_love_declining_a/ by u/WorldAncient7852 in r/AmItheAsshole** trigger warnings: >!classism!< mood spoilers: >!kinda happy?!< ---   **AITA for very politely and with love declining a friends wedding invitation because she very specifically invited me but not my partner?** - October 10 2022 Background is I have known my friend for at least 12 years, supported her through health problems and a marriage breakdown, she's been there when I've needed it too, we've seen off some tough times together and and I and have loved her dearly through it all. Last year she met a new man and they're getting married soon and of course, I couldn't be happier for her. He's lovely, very clever, very kind and he's crazy about her. This isn't the first wedding for either of them and he's quite well off, so they're having something of a posh but small-ish wedding ceremony where his family is and a reception here where she lives, all very exciting. Which makes my question all the more awkward. She's very specifically invited me but not my partner to the wedding reception. I've spoken to the few friends we have in common and they've all had partners included - one husband that's going has never met her. Which means if I did go, I'd be on my own all day. She and my OH have never fallen out and while I guess he might not be her favourite person in the world, he is mine. He's not all that posh and yes, they're very different people, but not to put too fine point on it, that didn't seem to matter much when furniture needed moving or cars needed checking out before buying. But when it comes to a reception in a very posh hotel, it seems to be a thing. She sent an invitation through with a covering note saying numbers were limited, the invitation is just for me and she hopes he understands. I didn't show it to him, that just seemed unnecessarily hurtful. So I wrote her what I thought was a very loving letter, saying that I won't be there with her on the day, that I totally understand that numbers are limited but that I'm very happy for her and will be thinking of her on the day I can't wait to hear all about it. I suggested we have a nice long lunch after the event and she can tell me every detail. I've just come home to find the letter back through the letter box, torn into pieces. Have I been an asshole? Should I have just accepted the invitation and smiled?   **UPDATE IN SAME LINK** - 12 Oct 2022 UPDATE She’s just called in tears. Apparently his (very, they’re 30 odd) adult children and much of his family have refused to come to the London thing, long story but they don’t approve of the swift wedding and it’s causing enormous pain to them both, which I understand. She apologised profusely for tearing up my letter and says she acted so awfully because she’s so stressed and upset and is very ashamed of herself. She got a few refusals today and apparently mine was something of a lightning rod for her emotions, that’s why she did what she did. I’m so grateful to you all for your thoughts, because I’d hashed it all out here I was able to be calm and just listen. My partner wasn’t in the least bit offended at not being invited in the end and her excuse for not inviting him was that she thought he wouldn’t be comfortable. That still sticks with me a little bit for some reason but I’m letting it go. She’s says he’s more than welcome if he’d like to come (yes I am ignoring the fact that he’s clearly a space filler now) and we’re probably going because I don’t want to add to her distress but I’ll talk to him when he wakes up. **MORNING UPDATE** I've had a very long talk with my partner. He thinks we should go, keep the peace and be happy for her. He thinks she'll have have another drama about something else soon enough and I think he makes a good point. I won't mention the ripped up letter to anyone, or the invite upset, we're just going to pretend it never happened. He reserves the right to tell her that he's coming in a dinosaur costume though and I think that's fair (he won't actually do it, obviously). I'm not keen to lose a friend and I'll try not to, but I probably won't rely on her quite as much as I have in the past. Thank you all for your comments, it's been really helpful to talk this out.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Ffnorde

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yyzsa5/aita_for_very_politely_and_with_love_declining_a/

yyzsa5

AITA for moving out because I don’t want to help my bf out with the rent?

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\**I am NOT OOP. Original post by* [u/idiotrichboyfriend/](https://www.reddit.com/user/idiotrichboyfriend/) in r/AmItheAsshole [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ycqv7x/aita_for_moving_out_because_i_dont_want_to_help/) **10/26/22** My boyfriend(26M) and I(24F) have been together for 3 years. We live in NYC and he makes over $200k/year, while I’m studying for my masters in social work and have no income. Right now I’m doing an unpaid, yearlong internship 3 days/week, as well as classes 2 days/week. It’s rare to get a paid internship in social work, plus internships are mandatory. I spend 12 hours everyday either working, studying, commuting, or in class. My only free days are on weekends so I have no time for a paid job. My mom helps me financially by paying for my metrocard and healthcare expenses, but everything else I rely on loans. Before I moved in with my boyfriend there was a roach infestation in my apartment so I'd stay over at his place a lot. My lease was ending soon so he asked me if I wanted to live with him. At first I joked with him that his living standards would go down since I can’t afford a nice place, but he insisted on paying the rent until I finish grad school, then we would split the rent based on income. I originally wanted to live in a cheaper place in Queens or Brooklyn, but my boyfriend likes his current place and insisted I move in since he would be the one paying the rent. So I moved into his $5k/month luxury condo in the city this August. All of a sudden my boyfriend recently started asking me to pay half the rent ($2.5k/month). I was confused because he was the one who wanted to pay the rent in full. Apparently he was talking to his friends and they all think its weird that I don’t pay rent and that I was a gold digger. I let my boyfriend know that I can’t afford $2.5k/month and he said I was “leeching” off of him, so I told him that he should find someone within his social class so he doesn’t have to worry about a gold digger like me leeching off of him. I stayed at my friends place for a few days while figuring out what to do. I called my mom about my situation and she is willing to help me out but the maximum she can afford for rent is $800. I found some places in Queens within the price range, less than 15 min away from the city and a bus ride away from my school so I went to check them out a couple days ago. I’ve been texting the landlord and my new roommates and I already signed the lease. I told my boyfriend about my new place and he got upset and asked me to stay. He said that he was willing to accept $800/month instead of $2.5k/month if thats all I can afford, but I told him I don’t want him changing his mind again and demanding more money from me in the future. He lived in this condo alone for several years so it’s not like he can’t afford to live there without my help. I wouldn’t mind splitting rent with him, but I would have to live in a more affordable place outside of Manhattan like I originally wanted. Apparently some of our “mutual friends” think I’m being unreasonable for moving out instead of talking to him and staying by paying the amount I can afford in rent, and that I shouldn’t have let him pay my portion of the rent. **UPDATES within original post** ***update:*** yes i did dump him. i blocked him and his idiot friends on everything. My friends also blocked him since he tried to contact me through them. i'm going to enjoy being single and never relying on a man financially ever again. ***update #2:*** i'm going to make a few clarifications since a lot of you are confused and clearly aren't familiar with NYC. 1. yes, it is possible to find a room for $800 in queens when you have several roommates. but my room is small as shit, has no AC (which obviously isn't an issue now but will be in the summer) and is above a restaurant which means i'll probably have rodent roomies (my current roommate told me that they did have a rat problem in the past but it's supposedly fixed. However, knowing these mutant city rats i know they'll come back), but this is the best i can do for now. I'm not some new, bright eyed transplant who thinks NYC is only the trendy and rich parts of manhattan so i know where to look. 2. In general, NYC landlords have a 40x rent rule. Landlords that accept guarantors follow the 80x rule, but some landlords are more lenient when it comes to students. My landlord's son is also an alumni of the school I'm currently attending and is from the same cultural/ethnic background as me which probably gave me some leverage, along with the fact that my mom meets the 80x requirement. It also took me a week to find my current place. 3. I just started my 2-year MSW program this September. I finished undergrad 2.5 years ago and worked full time before starting my masters degree. So yes, I did have a job and paid my own rent (which was $1,025/month for a roach infested apartment in queens that i shared with a roommate.) I obviously don't have time to work now due to my schedule. My place was not rent stabilized (I'm confused as to how some of you came to this conclusion) it was cheap because it was a shitty place and no one wants to live there. 4. Yes, my ex does make that much money. It's NYC, he's been in the workforce for 5 years and people here make more money than they would in whatever town you're from, especially in his field. It was initially shocking to me that someone with just a bachelors could earn that much while contributing absolutely nothing to society but that's life. There's a 3,000 character limit so it's hard to include everything. My original post got deleted since i exceeded the limit and i had to delete a lot of information to get this post approved. The last thing i need right now is non NYCers from the rest of bumfuck America trying to have some sort of weird gotcha moment because they think sex and the city and rich transplants on social media is representative of the real NYC. ​ **Reminder - I am not the original poster.** *\*\* Good riddance! What an idiot.*

Cheeseballfondue

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yz00yp/aita_for_moving_out_because_i_dont_want_to_help/

yz00yp

My ex demmanded me for child support for a kid that is not mine, my mother and sister are on their side.

ONGOING

*\*\* I am not OP. This is a long one and half his family sucks. I fixed some of the spelling to make it less distracting.* \*\* *A* [*commenter in the chat*](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/yptcr4/comment/ivnvoyy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *clarified with OOP that by 'demmand', at least when he's "demanding" from her, he's talking about a lawsuit* ​ **Posted 2 months ago, September 2022. \[**[Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/xk9jpi/my_ex_demmanded_me_for_child_support_for_a_kid/)**\] by** [u/a\_confusedperson](https://www.reddit.com/user/a_confusedperson/) **in** r/EntitledPeople Some years ago, I dated a girl, the relationship was bad, she was very controlling and abusive, it ended up really bad and we broke up. I kept going on with my life, and after some years I got a decent job, enough to solve all my needs, have a comfortable life and make some savings. The thing is, a couple months after getting my job, my ex contacted me,she first asked me to talk, I believed that she may want to reconnect or something, but she showed up with a 5 year old child, claiming he was my son and demanding for child support. I didn't believed her, but the child age matched the time since we cutted contact. I got advice from a lawyer (a friend of mine) to try to solve this out of the court. I offered to take responsibility, pay all the costs and being an active part of the kid's life, only after making a DNA test. Everyone was ok with this except for my ex. She acted offended and demanded to "just give her the money she deserved". She used all the excuses she could, even contacted my family to told them I was trying to avoid taking responsibility of her child. When she run out of excuses, and the DNA test was finally made, and SURPRISE! I'm not the father. She was so mad with the result, and cried about the money, saying it was unfair and she deserved it. But she didn't acomplished anything. Moving on to the last week, there was a little party on my parents house. My brother, a friend and I were talking, and my brother started to joke about the situation with my ex. My friend and I started to joke about it too, some of our comments were a little dark and bad, but we were far away from the rest of the people (literally we were on the opposite side of the house), and nobody else could hear us, at least that was what we thought. We were laughing like crazies when my sister appeared very angry and pushed me against the wall. She spyed us and heard our conversation and she was really mad. She started to yell at us about how horrible people we were for being mocking of a poor woman. Few hours later, when the party ended, she asked me to go to the kitchen with our parents, and she started to say how awful I was for the previous situation. Apparently, my ex had been in contact with her, and she believed her version, and that was her way to have an "intervention". My brother and I were like "Are you serious?" when she started to say how I "forced my ex into be a single mother" and that "I have the moral obligation to help her". My dad only said that we maybe were being too cruel making jokes of her, but that I wasn't responsible for that kid. My mom then surprised all of us when she said "even if the kid is not yours, you are making more than enough money to support that child, you should had helped her". Since then, i had been receiving texts, my dad and my brother are on my side, saying I'm not responsible for her, but my sister is telling me how horrible i am for being ruining their lifes. My mom only said "its your decision and I respect it, I'm just very disappointed that you ended up being so selfish". I'm aware that she doesn't deserve my money and I'm not planning to give her any, but the constant harassment of my sister trying to guilt me, its just exhausting. ​ [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/yptcr4/update_my_ex_demmanded_me_for_child_support_for_a/)**- 11/8/22** Its been a while. After my last post, I read all the comments, and decided to show them to my mother. We had a talk about the situation. Again, she started on my ex's side, but after reading the post and all the comments and opinions, she realized she was wrong. I think the thing that hurted her the most was all the doubts about if she cheat on my dad and I wasn't his son, and if that was the reason if she was on her side. We had a very long conversation. She told me that she believed my ex because "she was always so nice and kind with her, that she decided to don't believe me when I told her all the things she did to me during the relationship, because a good girl like her could never do something like that, so, I must be lying". After that, she apologize to me. We are good now. On the other side, my sister... At first she decided that she wouldn't talk to my until "I'll take responsibility", but after some days I talked with her. She is totally on her side, even after showing her everything, she said that none of that matter, because "a woman's word go first, and that's all the proof anyone could need". Also, she said that "even if you are not the biological father, you have an effective responsibility with her, so, you must be man enough to take charge of them and start acting like a real man". She was a lost cause. About my ex. I did some research, and I found out that, shortly after we broke she started dating another guy (or maybe she was cheating me with him before, I'm not sure). They broke some weeks later, and she had multiple dates until she found she was pregnant. I also found that she had been trying to "find a father to her kid" for the last 2 years, and I was the next on the list, but looks like she is desperate now, because she was never that aggressive with any other one before. Now, the reason of this post. Some days ago, my ex and my sister came to my workplace. They made a big sign with my face, that says "he abandoned his child" and "irresponsible father", and started a drama, saying all their bullshit. Their intention was to shame me and use the social presion to force me to take charge of them (they literally said it). To don't make the story too long, they were taken out of the place. I got problems for that scandal, even after showing all the proofs and legal documents that showed they were lying, I was earned that this better never happen again or I'll be fired. After that I contacted my friend, the lawyer, and we are now redacting a very long a detailed paper against them (my ex and my sister too). They were too far, now I'm going against them with everything. Maybe that scare them enough to leave me alone ​ **And since it's so inexplicable that they're supporting the abusive ex, here's OP's assessment of why mom and sister are on ex's side:** [Sister](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/xk9jpi/comment/ipen49o/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): Actually that was one of the few things my sister say to me about why she was defending her. "She is a woman and we must support each other " [Sister](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xh0144/comment/ioux9ba/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): She think that, as a man, i should take responsability of her because i have better incomes than her, and as we used to date, i owe her that, even if im not the father [Mom](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/xk9jpi/comment/ipekd8u/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): *In response to a comment that maybe she wanted a grandchild:* "Maybe, she had been asking me and my brother for grandchildren since some years ago" ​ **Status: Ongoing - hopefully OOP will post the results of the legal maneuverings.** *OOP says in comments that he and his lawyer are pursuing fraud in addition to defamation and a restraining order.* *Reminder: I am not the original poster*

Cheeseballfondue

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yz2yk8/my_ex_demmanded_me_for_child_support_for_a_kid/

yz2yk8

Australia vs England ODI Match today. Stay with us to know more about the match updateIGHCALIVE.COM

NEW UPDATE

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goldenhandbhai

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yz5ew4/australia_vs_england_odi_match_today_stay_with_us/

yz5ew4

AITA for not being able to forgive my dad and being cold towards the rest of the family?

ONGOING

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DissapointedWithLife

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yz5uky/aita_for_not_being_able_to_forgive_my_dad_and/

yz5uky

Victim of QAnon asks how to block alt right news on his parents' devices

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**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/eldenringstabbyguy in r/QAnonCasualties** ---   [**Blocking OANN+Alt right news on router?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/comments/u30r4m/blocking_oannalt_right_news_on_router/) - April 13 2022 Hi all. I am also a victim of this dumb cult shit. I don't know if this is allowed but don't know where to post it. This garbage makes my parents more violent and willing to abuse their own family members and do irrational things. They act like drug addicts when it's blocked, but I feel removing the source as psychiatrists say is the solution, because kindness, understanding, and logic/sources just don't work. Don't worry I intend to cut them off eventually, but right now, I'm stuck. So does anyone know how to block OANN on streaming tv? I know their TV is a Roku, and blocking www.OANN.com in the router parental control side failed for some reason for OANN, as did blocking the OANN router channel URL. I've got a Linksys router. I don't know if OANN news has some way to get around this or something. I can't directly do it from the Roku tv, that will seem too suspicious. Or is there a better subreddit to ask? Thanks, I find this place to be a comfort.   [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/comments/uitrqb/update_blocking_oann_news_in_my_parents_router_it/) - May 5 2022 So my post here was about how I tried to block my parents from all the alt right news garbage on the router. And I have to say it's been fairly successful and I recommend it, if you think your individual situation allows it. I appreciate the help and support I've had here in this thread as I couldn't stand them literally being lied to about reality itself, which is what this garbage is meant to do to our democracy. So, some of you were also right though: It went predictably as ever. They raged like a typical drug addict would (my mom has a history of that) scrambling everywhere in their power to get to the conspiracies on any website they could get their hands on, but I eavesdropped on what they were listening to and blocked those, too. I blocked the shit out of Fox, Newsmax, Right Side Broadcasting Network (RSBN), Rumble, Twitter or whatever I could find them sneaking on to or even Youtube if it wasn't dog videos algorithms. They blamed the "deep state" on blocking it. I blamed the weather or made up excuses. They scrambled desperately and constantly to try to view Trump's rallies, and literally would spend THE ENTIRE DAY trying to do this. It...was really weird to watch. Their mobile phones got around some of it, which was incredibly annoying, but eventually their data hilariously ran out. But! As time has gone on, their views are less nazi-like, and they may be coming to their senses somewhat. I'm overall not regretting it, and it was worth blocking them from stuff that is literally lying, encouraging them to do harmful things, etc. which they have participated in doing to both themselves and others. And my mental sanity of not hearing that shit 24/7 has returned. I have also written to Roku and Amazon and told them to stop putting OANN news and Fox news and Newxmax app on their devices. I'm tired of what this shit is doing to our families. So, not sure if this is the update you want or not. Beware that they may rage around at first, but if they have no reason to suspect you then, you should be fine. I would even create some kind of cop out for why the internet may not be "working" ( they think the entire internet isn't working even though the rest is fine, because that's literally all they do!) They eventually went back to watching normal things on TV like on streaming movies etc. I was relieved. So, that's literally it. I think I'll just hang out here for the general catharsis, but I owe you guys a lot.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

bigbluesandwich

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yz7ya7/victim_of_qanon_asks_how_to_block_alt_right_news/

yz7ya7

TIFU by not being intimate with my partner

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FactCore01

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yzcebh/tifu_by_not_being_intimate_with_my_partner/

yzcebh

Just found out my (23M) best friend (23M) has been secretly dating my ex (24F) for months

REPOST

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwra8653568 in r/relationship_advice** ---   [**Just found out my (23M) best friend (23M) has been secretly dating my ex (24F) for months**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/i32pxe/just_found_out_my_23m_best_friend_23m_has_been/) - 3 August 2020 Throwaway because I use my main for gaming subs and don’t want this on my history Cassie and I were together for 5 years. We started dating in high school and stayed together through college, moved in together after graduation. I’ve been in love with her since before our first date. She’s amazing. I still think so. We were talking about marriage and starting a family soon. Then one day a few months ago Cassie wanted to “talk,” sat me down, and said she decided she doesn’t want kids. She didn’t just mean not now but not ever. She talked a lot about overpopulation or climate change or whatever but I was just immediately depressed. I’ve always wanted to be a dad. My dad was a piece of shit and this is something I’ve wanted to do ever since I was still a kid myself. When she finished talking I told her it was over. She started crying and I was already crying, but fuck. If she doesn’t want the same thing I do from the future what else can I do? She said she’s been thinking this way for years and corona was the last straw. I’m not going to wait around and hope she changes her mind when she might not. So I moved out and moved in with my best friend “Ryan”. We’ve been friends forever, like we bonded over Pokemon cards at the playground kind of thing. He’s basically my brother and his mom was my extra mom since I didn’t have much at home growing up. I was in a hurry to move out so I didn’t take much stuff with me, and then I didn’t want to go back to the apartment and see Cassie, so Ryan was doing the good friend thing and going to get stuff for me whenever I needed it. At least that’s what I thought he was doing. Yesterday would have been me and Cassie’s 6th anniversary and it was really rough for me, so I told Ryan I didn’t want to be alone and wanted to hang out and game all day with him. He agreed and everything, but he was kind of distracted on his phone a lot, and after a couple hours he said “something came up” and just left me there alone. Shit got dark. I’m not ashamed to say I cried. There were reasons I didn’t want to be alone that day. Almost midnight last night, Ryan finally came home and was acting weird so I asked what was up. I thought maybe his mom was sick or something, she’s a teacher at a school that just reopened. But no Ryan sits me down and tells me he’s moving out. He’s been secretly dating Cassie since a few weeks after we split. He says they’re in love already and that she needs him more than I do, so he’s moving into the apartment with her and leaving me here alone to rot. I don’t even know how the fuck to process this. I don’t know which one of them has broken me more. To make things worse I messaged some of our other friends this morning to tell them what’s up and they already knew. When I got upset they all said it was “no big deal” because I’m the one who broke up with Cassie. Where do I even go from here? I can’t talk to my friends, my ex broke my heart, my best friend stomped on it, and the closest thing I have to family is gone because they were his family too. I’m lost and don’t know where else to turn. UPDATE: bigger shit to worry about than my broken heart i guess. ryan texted me. i'm about to be homeless in a pandemic Update2: thanks so much to everyone reaching out. my inbox is blowing up but i'm kinda focused on this housing thing first. i'll catch up when i can. sorry.   [**UPDATE: Just found out my (23M) best friend (23M) has been secretly dating my ex (24F) for months**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ih3qov/update_just_found_out_my_23m_best_friend_23m_has/) - 26 August 2020 I kind of debated if I’d post an update on this or not. It’s been a few weeks and some stuff has happened, but as the post blew up I got a good number of really shitty comments that informed me I was a worthless piece of shit, that I should beat up my ex girlfriend, or alternately that I was probably already some kind of horrible abuser who hated her and wanted to control her body. I also got a ton of love, support, PMs offering connections on housing, and more, but being I was already in a dark and desperate place, those other comments really twisted the knife. I had to spend some time away not just fixing my shit but also avoiding that stuff, because it was really not making me want to move forward. For anyone who’s reading this while in the middle of a situation, wondering if you should post your story, my advice is: don’t. Wait till you have some distance, or it’s just going to make things worse. One thing I want to clarify here, since a few people swung for the fences based on what I posted: I don’t hate Cassie. I don’t think she shouldn’t move on. I don’t blame her for dating someone else after I broke up with her. I do have a lot of anger still thinking about this. All that anger is at Ryan. That’s it. Ryan is the one who lied to me and went behind my back, not Cassie. My post pretty clearly stated that I think Cassie is an awesome human being. Still think so. Period. We just wanted different things. So, actual updates. Shortly after I posted, Ryan texted me to say that he’d planned to give me a month to find somewhere else to live, but since I “couldn’t be happy for them” he wanted me out by Friday. Looking back on it, I kinda think this was his plan all along. Cassie’s parents own the apartment I lived in with her, so we paid bills on it but no rent. Ryan’s apartment was expensive and his parents still paid some of his bills there, so I suspect he was looking for an excuse to break his lease and get in on that free rent instead. But **I have a place to live now**. Reddit helped me out after all, in a weird way. A couple days after I posted, this guy TJ hit me up on FB (hey TJ) with the link to my post asking if it was me. TJ and I weren’t close friends before all this, but he recognized some of the details. Skipping some back and forth, it turns out Ryan lied to all our mutual friends about the situation. Apparently he hooked up with Cassie the first time about a week after we split up. He asked some of our friends what to do and they all told him to make sure I was cool first thing. He then told them he had talked to me and that I was happy for him. So, when I started freaking out a couple months later, my friends all thought I was “going crazy out of nowhere” over something I’d known about for months. Once they found out what really happened, I got a lot of apology texts. Some of them I’ve accepted. Some are still on read. A couple of guys offered me crash space or help moving, and I wound up staying with TJ, but only till I could find somewhere else. My days of living in places without my name on a lease are over. Learned my lesson there. I found a roommate looking for a place through Craigslist and we signed the lease last week. Moving from TJ’s happens this weekend. Ryan is blocked out of my life. I probably forgot some of my stuff at either his place or Cassie’s, but it’s whatever. I can get new stuff. I can get new friends. More than anything else this situation made me realize the importance of having stable, independent housing and not counting on anyone else to do the right thing by me. I have to have my own back in life, not rely on others. That’s about all I’ve got. It’s nothing dramatic, I guess. No one was hit by a car, got pregnant, or turned out to be cheating. But I’ve never been so glad to have a roof over my head and a bed to come back to. I’m going to keep going from here, keep working on life, and I’m sure as hell going to be taking a break on the dating front. That’s all there is to do.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yzft10/just_found_out_my_23m_best_friend_23m_has_been/

yzft10

I (28M) with fiance (27F) about a month ago overheard her tell a friend her previous Ex was the best lover she ever had

CONCLUDED

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/alarmingmonk in r/relationship_advice** trigger warning: >!bodyshaming!< ---   [**I (28M) with fiance (27F) about a month ago overheard her tell a friend her previous Ex was the best lover she ever had**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/a492j5/i_28m_with_fiance_27f_about_a_month_ago_overheard/) - 8 December 2018 It was quite by accident that I heard this. We had a group of our friends over and as the night went on we all kind of busted out into little groups. Some of us were in one room playing Texas Holdem and a couple of others were watching a Lord of the Ring marathon. I thought she was watching the movies but she and one of her close friends were actually sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee and talking. Our group had run out of soda so I got up to go to the kitchen to get drinks and a couple of snacks. As I'm rounding the corner I hear my fiance talking and before I completely come in the room I hear her clearly say "Jason is great but he will never be the lover that Bill was" she then followed it up with "Its not really fair to Jason though, Bill was just really gifted down there". At first I thought about just walking back into the card game and pretending like we didn't have any extra soda or food but I decided to kind of make a noise and go in. Her friend caught eye of me rounding the corner and I could see her make a face to my fiance letting her know I was there. Of course she has no idea I heard her and she just stops talking to her and asks me how I'm doing and if I'm having fun. I was tempted to say something like "I'm having as much fun as someone who is not gifted down there can" but I didn't. I just said yes and proceeded to get my stuff and go back and finish the night. I just acted like nothing was wrong the rest of the night and went to bed. Needless to say it fucked me up. I mean fucked me up bad. I've never been jealous or what you would call insecure about myself until that moment. I couldn't sleep that night and I went through a myriad of emotions while laying there. At first I was angry. Then I was humiliated. Then I was depressed. Then I was angry again. Look I realize that the male ego seems stupid to women and even guys who are totally self assured. I would have agreed with most of this prior to that night but once it has been damaged it is a bitch. I tried to hide any form of emotion about it or ever let her know but as the days went on I just kept getting worse and worse. I was avoiding her at all costs and while she was suspicious she didn't really say anything. That is until she attempted to be intimate with me a few days later and I flat out rejected her. It wasn't by a conscious decision on my part by the way. I had made the decision on my own to just try and get over it and move on. But in the moment instead of being sexually aroused I felt deeply inadequate and ashamed. Nothing was happening no matter how much either of us tried. She asked me what was wrong and I just told her I must have been stressed from work but she would not believe that or let it go. So much to my humiliation there I laid, naked in bed, unable to get an erection. I came clean and told her what I heard. Well this did not go over well at all. At first she tried to tell me I did not hear her correctly. But I just repeated to her verbatim what she had told her friend. Well once she couldn't deny it she then tried to apologize and to her credit she tried to listen to my feelings on the matter. Which once again I am sure was more of a big turn off for her because I was a wreck emotionally. She tried to tell me how much of a better person I was and how I satisfied her and she wanted nobody else. But all I could hear was Charlie Browns teacher noise. It's been almost a month and I have zero desire to be with her sexually. None. She is now getting frustrated about this as well but no matter what I have tried I just can not get past this. It's not like she said we were both good lovers or anything like that. She clearly said he was far superior and my guess is that being gifted down there means he was significantly larger than me as well. Well I know I can do all kinds of things with my hands, tongue and whatever else. But no matter what I do I can't grow in size. Obviously she refuses to talk about that with me saying that no matter what she say's it will only make things worse because even if she say's something positive about me I won't believe her. She's most likely right. Some back story here. He dumped her. It was not a mutual breakup, he flat out dumped her and broke her heart. I know this because early on in our relationship she told me this. She said she wasn't ready to be serious about anybody because her previous ex left her and emotionally broke her. So this is not a case of me even being able to say "well she's with me because she wants to be". If he hadn't dumped her she would never have left him. Now I have no idea if after all of these years she would leave me for him if he would come back but I don't think she would. I just don't know what to do here. I can feel myself checking out of the relationship. I know this is petty as shit but hearing the person you love tell someone else they prefer to have sex with someone else is just devastating to me. Her telling me all of my other good qualities has only made it worse because she is saying things that I think appeal to her and maybe other women but being told I am a good provider and will make a great husband makes me feel like shit. Like what would happen if I lost my good paying job or better yet what if I were to get injured and couldn't make anything more than state assistance, would she be there to support and help me? Basically what I feel like right now is a really good friend who she just allowed to have sex with. I know in my head that this is not correct but in my heart that is what I feel. I'm sorry for the length here and I don't even know what I am asking here. I am totally lost and if this continues I just think I am going to break our engagement. tl;dr: heard fiance tell her friend that previous ex was superior in the sack (presumable due to size among other things), relationship has gone to hell since and I need advice. **EDIT:** Holy God. I made this post last night and answered a couple of questions and then went to bed and got up today and went Christmas shopping hoping to make me forget my troubles and didn't even log in until just now. I have not even started to read the (at this point) 7.7 thousand comments on this post. I don't know what anyone has said yet but thank you all for commenting either way. I am now going to begin the massive undertaking of looking at the comments. Also thank you for the Gold and Silver kind internet strangers. **EDIT 2:** Dear God. I read all the way down to the bottom of the page thinking I had gotten through most of everything and then at the bottom it said load the 5.5K more posts. I'm stopping for the night (well morning actually). I was going to respond to people individually but there is just no way. I haven't even started reading the direct messages to me yet nor have I opened any of the 20 chat screens. There are issues I want out there because there are a couple of things that are being said that are not accurate. 1. She was to use the Barney Gumble phrase using "sweet sweet drunk talk". In other words her and her friend were drunk while talking. Nope, neither of us drink. We don't even have it in the house. 2. That I am upset she told her friend. Well this is an odd thing, before I posted this honestly I wasn't that upset about this part. I was then and am still far more upset that this is how she feels. However now reading a lot of the post I have become somewhat aggravated that she did share this with her friend. I would never say anything about her to anyone that would put her in a lesser light. 3. That I am an insecure man child who should just man up and learn to do better. Well I'm certain the first part is true, being insecure and all. But the last part is just out of my control. No matter what I do I will only ever be 7" long. We have talked about this btw, when she was trying to build me up. She said that I was already great with everything but the one thing I can't control. (Okay, so I gave myself about a half inch to feel better) 4. No I'm not going to do anything rash. It's already been a month so its not like this happened last week. But yes I have to decide what I am going to do here before long. It's not fair to either of us is I am just coasting through this and no longer committed. 5. She is sorry that I heard it. She said she is sorry she said it but at the end of the day she would not be sorry if I didn't catch her saying it. It is what it is. But yes I do believe she is regretting it because she has basically been a mess since I first told her. Me not wanting to be with her is bothering her a lot according to her. I don't know how much of that I believe but right now I guess I don't know why she would lie. It really has wrecked hell on our Christmas spirit this year I know that. **EDIT 3:** Engineer for those who keep asking what I do for a living. She is a paralegal. **EDIT 4:** People have been asking about the relationship with the ex and how I know she was heartbroken. We met about 9 months after they separated. I know that ultimately he wanted to be with someone else, although she has claimed he never cheated. He just ended things so he could be with another woman. She approached me at a local workshop and we started dating . On our 4th date when things started to get physical she broke down crying about the ex. It was certainly weird to hold someone while they cried about someone else but I did it. We sporadically dated for a couple more months in which time I never tried to cross any boundaries physically because it was obvious she wasn't over him so while we just went out of dates I tried to keep myself of the mind that we were just friends because I didn't want to commit either. After close to two months she drags me from my car to her apartment and begins to tell me how much she has appreciated my patience with her and how she felt stupid about dragging me along for so long. Obviously that was our first night together. Within 3 months of that she is telling me that she loves me. So yes, she was still hung up on her ex for fact when we got together. I had thought/hoped she was over him before this happened. **EDIT 5:** Okay I posted it below in the mass of other posts but I have also started a new post and hopefully the mods let it stay open.   [**(update) I (28M) with fiance (27F) about a month ago overheard her tell a friend her previous Ex was the best lover she ever had**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/a6a8qj/update_i_28m_with_fiance_27f_about_a_month_ago/) - 14 December 2018 It all came to a head last night. She just came out and asked me if I did not love her anymore and all that I could tell her was that a very large part of me still did but that what she said had really made it so that another part of me just didn't anymore. This started a larger conversation that I won't bore you with but ultimately it came down to me saying that I would have heard that he was just better at something or more attentive to something or was able to do something that I would have felt like I could have worked on it. I would have listened to anything she wanted worked on any technique or anything else that she would have shared with me. But to know that I was never going to measure up simply because of a physical issue was not something I thought I could get over any time soon or if I ever could for that matter. I was even honest and said that if it was just a ONS she had or some random guy who was just huge I might be able to get past that. But knowing that it was a guy who she was still madly in love with when I met her and only after time did she ever start to come around then it was just more than I could handle. She kept trying to tell me how much better I was at everything else and that I should not throw away a lifetime over one aspect. I told her that that one aspect sadly was just to high for me, not all things are equal and that honestly it is a mental failing on my part that it is but whether it is genetics or a learned trait or whatever that yes I needed to be my spouses best and she has already made it clear that I can never be. I tried my best to be gentle, I tried to take all of the blame of stating that I knew that my attitude was probably not healthy but it was who I am. BTW I'm typing this as though this were a clean conversation, it wasn't, there was lots of crying (by both of us). This is not a happy ending or even a satisfying one. I am beyond fucked up in the head over the entire situation. Everybody's Christmas is ruined. We had big family gatherings that we both were attending together and now we have to somehow break it to our family's what has happened. This alone is causing me massive stress because my parents loved her and what in the hell am I going to say is the reason why we are not together? She didn't cheat and if I say that I felt like she was still hung up on her ex she will obviously deny it and she will tell them the truth. It's fucked up no matter how this goes down. In the end I feel like a massive failure. I feel like a failure as a man because of not living up to comparison and I feel like a failure because I wasn't able to just "man up" and either get over it. She has begged me to go to couples counseling and initially I said no because at the end of the day what does it change? We can talk about every single thing and I can try and look at things from a different way and at the end of the day the woman who I wanted to marry just told one of our friends that no matter what I do I will never be as good as her ex. I just can not see five years from now ever being okay with this. But because she legitimately seems heartbroken I agreed to go. But that does not mean I will keep going. Today I moved out a lot of my stuff and am staying with a co worker for a few days until I can get a place for myself. She has been with her sister all day. I feel like shit. Thank you to everyone who took the time to type out a response. I honestly have tried to read everything even if I didn't reply to very many. The bitch of all of this is that I still love her. There is so much of me right now that wants to pick up the phone and call her and beg her to come back. **EDIT:** Well once again I posted this and then went away for awhile. I went with my friend to see Mortal Engines and the to dinner and then we've been talking for a long while so I started reading awhile ago. It is going to take me forever to read and once again I don't think responding individually will ever happen because of the large number of posts and private messages. But thank all of you for reading and responding. **EDIT 2:** I guess I do want to share one thing I spoke with her about. When we were having our very long conversation I presented her with a scenario for her to compare. I know her well enough to know that comparing body parts or sexual prowess isn't going to impact her the same way it would me. So I put the scenario to her like this. I said what if you walked in and overheard me talking with my friend Tim and you heard this. "Jill is great but she will never understand me and comfort me the way Tiffany did" "But its not Jill's fault Tiffany is just the smartest most compassionate person I've ever known and Jill just isn't as smart". Then if she would confront me about saying those things about her that my response to her would have been. "I love you for all of your other qualities". "Nobody makes a sandwich like you do and I think long term you wont gauge me for my money" At first she tried to say that this was a totally different issue but once we talked more about it she finally agreed it is because of the way we both approach and value sex. She ultimately admitted that this would really hurt her feelings but she would not break up with me over it. I then responded that even in my make believe scenario, which btw I would never say to anyone out loud about anyone I loved, she could improve her level of education and learn to be more compassionate. **EDIT 3:** If anyone even reads this I want to add one last thing. People have been telling me what a whiny bitch I am (that's one of the more kind things they've said) because I can't get over someone else in the world having a bigger dick than me. Not going to lie and say I'm thrilled with it but I'm not dumb enough to think I have a giant magic wand or anything. I had grown up believing what I now know to be a lie that women don't care about size. Some don't but obviously some do and my ex is one of those that obviously did. But even with that ultimately I might have been able to get over it if it was just said as a matter of fact. But hearing that no matter what I did, how much I loved her or any other thing that I was NEVER going to be as good is what has bothered me since. Yes size is obviously a big part of it, but if I hadn't heard that I would never be the lover I think I might have been okay. Well not okay but at least not relationship killing. Yes I overvalue sex. I get that. Yes it is very important to me and well frankly I want to be wanted as much as I want to want someone, if that makes any sense. Yes I know whoever I date in the future will most likely have had someone who was either bigger, better or whatever. But I would really hope that they would not be still hung up on it a few years later.   [**(final update) I (28M) with fiance (27F) about a month ago overheard her tell a friend her previous Ex was the best lover she ever had**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/aom7po/final_update_i_28m_with_fiance_27f_about_a_month/) - 8 February 2019 I wasn't going to post anymore but I am still getting daily direct messages wanting to know how things are going. I do appreciate the kind words and concerns. But just so anyone who cares can know. It is over. I went to counseling with her on three different occasions and honestly I tried to have an open mind about it. But at the end of the day the obstacle was just to much to overcome. I even gave her an opportunity to walk back her statement or amend it or well do whatever she wanted to with it. But instead she double downed in a way. I think by that time she was very frustrated as well. Neither of us are really happy about this. It has been an absolute nightmare for me trying to avoid telling people/family why we are no longer together. Of course I tried the old "its none of your business" to some of them but that failed spectacularly and since I refused to tell they decided she cheated on me and started spreading that around. I've had to do a lot of damage control over that. I've decided to continue with therapy on a personal level because honestly this entire thing has really messed with my head and I have no self esteem left at all. I've only seen her once since we separated and it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. She is now, justifiably so, in the angry stage. She is furious with me and has called me everything that you can imagine and then even made up some words. tl;dr: Its over. I tried going to counseling and things only got worse.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yzhpxa/i_28m_with_fiance_27f_about_a_month_ago_overheard/

yzhpxa

Doctor lost her husband to Q, tries to prevent her kids from going down the same path

CONCLUDED

**I am not OOP.** OOP is [u/frustrateddoctormom](https://www.reddit.com/user/frustrateddoctormom/). She posted in r/QAnonCasualties. I also included a some of her comments on other posts when she talked about her situation. Trigger Warnings: >!everything that goes with Qanon, verbal & emotional abuse, parental alienation, drug abuse!< Mood Spoiler: >!distressing throughout, but she gets away in the end!< **First** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/comments/mber57/lost_my_husband_son_next/)**: March 23, 2021** Hi everyone, To make a long story short, I rushed into a relationship while in a vulnerable state as a single mom. There were problems from the get go with my husband's authoritarianism, narcissism, lack of education (ie never read a book, watched TV for entertainment almost exclusively). We have a young daughter together which fueled the marriage and kept me in. He adopted my son a few years ago who is now a teenager. After Trump got elected, he became a "trumpite" and things have just spiraled since then. He follows Q, things have devolved to the point that we cannot have a civil conversation about nearly anything. Since the Q cult is so all encompassing, he is easily triggered. His response to my questioning is to get louder and yell at me, demanding that I "show him the evidence". He suddenly believes in Christianity and ascribes all of my problems to my lack of belief in God. I am a medical doctor with 2 science degrees as well. Yet, my opinions about vaccine safety and big pharma are not respected (or even listened to for that matter). I am a sheep for getting vaccinated, being told what to do by my "handlers" since I wear a mask while working in the hospital! He believes in chemtrails, the whole pedophile ring thing, Bill Gates' plan to sterilize humanity, you name it! The scariest thing is that he constantly promotes his conspiracy theories to my kids - my young teenage son in particular. I think he has attachment issues/insecure attachment so he goes along with everything that his stepdad says. He has even started calling me a left wing idiot and yells at me like my husband does. He insists that everything his Dad says is right and I'm wrong about everything. I tried teaching him some logic with a fallacy book but he's convinced I'm trying to "turn him against Dad"! I'm trying to get my son some counseling but his stepdad is very suspicious of this as well. He doesn't want any "government" involvement in our family. He doesn't want him to get counseling at all. I would love to leave if I could - but I fear that my kids will be brainwashed without me here. I'm so unhappy and saddened by how entrenched he has become with these conspiracies. It's like he's in a cult and is trying to assimilate my kids, yet how can I prove this in court? How can I protect my kids and my own sanity? Looking for any advice or feedback. Mother's worst nightmare.... **Update on original post (same day in comments)** I'd like to thank everyone for your support. I suppose that I should try and contact a different lawyer - the first two I consulted painted a dismal picture of my fighting him in court and still only having my kids 50% of the time. Furthermore, my son is old enough to "vote with his feet" so can choose where he stays regardless of court orders. I suppose my only recourse would be if I could prove that he is truly indoctrinating false beliefs/conspiracies and is therefore unfit to parent. I'm not sure how I'd do this given that these idiotic falsehoods are so widespread - even infiltrating mainstream media in some ways. It's difficult to call this a type of psychosis or delusion because it doesn't really meet criteria for psychiatric illness... I'm doing all that I can to document everything but it is all so very exhausting. I've had to hide my journal because my son read it then reported what he read to his step dad. Most recently, my husband is refusing to see a counsellor and is planning to go to a lawyer to "divide" things up. I'm OK with this - I just fear losing my influence on my children. I guess I need freedom and some peace too, and maybe I'll end up losing my son in the process. I don't think I can stay in sort of situation for much longer and remain strong and healthy. **Comment on** [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/comments/mu1koj/there_needs_to_be_an_organized_pushback_against/gv5ioc1/?context=3) **post: April 19, 2021** Totally. This crap is ruining my marriage/family...husband had narc PD traits to start with but things are totally unraveling since Trump got elected. Indoctrinating my kids. My brother is also Q and neo-nazi - yelled at me, swore, called me the "C" word when I asked him about fact checking etc when claimed Q is the "middle class revolution!" So frustrating - cannot engage in any reasonable kind of discussion with these people. There is no counter-speech. I don't know what the solution is but it's not portending well for democracy as we know it. **Comment on** [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/comments/muzbtg/scientist_gaslighted_and_boundaries_overstepped/gv9trkz/?context=3) **post: April 20, 2021** Yeah it sucks being undermined and invalidated by someone without any science training or education. My spouse also completely disregards my medical opinions despite my science degrees and MD. There is no point in engaging with them, it just enrages them. "Engage to enrage!" haha. It's actually very tragic and depressing. I'm trying to focus on what I can change, accepting things I can't and trying to get better at recognizing which is which (serenity prayer!). It is not easy. Families are being torn apart by this stuff. I fear for the future of humanity, really, until something is done to deal with the algorithms manipulating the dissemination of information online. **Comment on** [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/comments/n1itce/after_4_years_i_finally_ended_my_toxic/gwfao73/?context=3) **post in** r/abusiverelationships\*\*: April 30, 2021\*\* Wow I can't believe you did it for 40 years. I've only been in mine for 6. I'm feeling so optimistic about my future despite forthcoming separation proceedings/possible trial etc. I know I'm doing what's best for me and my kids. I should have left years ago but it is so hard when you're in it to have clarity. So much fear... **Comment on** [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/comments/n14y9u/in_case_you_didnt_know_their_niceness_is/gwfbyxc/?context=3) **post in** r/NarcissisticAbuse\*\*: April 30, 2021\*\* same...making food for me, telling me he loves me and "I'm the problem because I don't love him or believe in marriage or family or God". Saying these things in front of my kids to try and alienate them from me. It's unreal. "No one will treat you as well as I treat you". "I'm progressive because I cook and do laundry." Oh OK - so that gives you the right to belittle me in front of my kids. Sliencing me. Yelling "I'm not yelling". I'm the controlling one. I'm the abuser. Ummm, no! I'll treat myself well and the hell with another intimate relationship! I'll find fulfillment in other ways.. **Update** [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/comments/o7290l/followup_q_spouse_etc/) **1: June 24, 2021** Just looking for more advice/feedback I suppose. To summarize, in rather emotionally/verbally abusive marriage with daily yelling at me and my kids, copious gaslighting. Baseline abusiveness became over the top over last couple of years with Trump and Qanon bullshit. Was about to leave and proceed with divorce then got cold feet after filing and canceled everything. I felt overwhelmed with panic and fear. I suspect I am trauma bonded/struck in a fantasy or projected world and that is why I'm "trying again". Got back together and trying counselling but the same behaviours are happening. Psychological counseling is outlandishly expensive and focuses on "thinking" rather than "emotions" and seems to minimize any personal responsibilities. Therapist thinks there is a positive and negative in "every" experience and that no one should every apologize. He says that peace and happiness are bullshit and that daily conflict and strife are normal in marriage! There are repeated boundary violations, he keeps bringing up covid conspiracy stuff and has "forced" me to agree to hold off on vaccinating our children. My son is a teen so he has "decided" not to get vaccinated based on his dad's "facts". I'm feeling so empty and hopeless...guess I'm looking for encouragement to try and take a stand for myself and my children. I know that 50-50 custody is what's going to happen and I fear ongoing manipulation and control even if I leave with even less influence on my children - BUT, I'm reaching the point where I have just HAD ENOUGH and need to move on and stop tolerating this nonsense! Life is too short to have such daily misery and strife over bullshit stuff that isn't even real! I know that I won't be able to go no-contact since we have children but maybe I can limit communication to what's relevant to the children and focus on finding some peace in my life for once. **Update** [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/comments/oy0xw2/q_lives_marriage_dies_more_vax_conspiracies/) **2: August 4, 2021** 1 month separated from Qhusband, feeling better although hard to get through to my teenaged son who remains quite alienated from me. Went to pickup younger child and spouse had FAUxe news streaming on his computer in same room while child watched TV. He didn't hear me come in... I was like "Wow, I see you're really into this now that I'm gone". On my way out he starts lecturing me about how vaccines are killing people - how despite the best vaccination rates in Israel they are having the most hospitalizations blah blah blah. I asked for sources and he just dismissed me, rolled his eyes and yelled "whatever!", "Good luck killing people with your vaccines!". Maybe I should start recording this stuff...I fear for my kids being surrounded by this lunacy. I had hoped that my leaving would have maybe gotten him to wake up but it seems like it hasn't (like many other sad stories here). He and my son are refusing to get vaccinated, of course. So frustrating... *Comment asks if she can use this in court:* I've considered this - it may come to this if he continues to spiral. It is hard to prove these things in court. He can present is as having more conservative views than me etc. "I'm just waiting for final authorization of the vaccine before we get it. It's not illegal to watch this news network." I'm documenting in writing, am considering voice recording all interactions going forward. Also, the court process could further alienate my son (they both lied in the past when I had to report other abuse). However, if things get bad enough I may need to do what I can so save my younger daughter . There may not be much that I can do to save my older son. Hopefully he will come around as long as I remain supportive and sane. In Canada it is very hard to prove emotional/verbal abuse. The new divorce laws are supposed to take it into account, but in reality it's very hard to prove. Often, the children are aligned with the abuser which makes it even harder. It's so messed up. I never would have imagined that this would have happened to me and my kids. Regardless, I'm partly to blame for choosing to bring this man into me and my son's life without adequate vetting. I have the choice now to do something about it and move on. **Comment on** [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/comments/p3n5mi/losing_the_love_of_my_life_to_conspiracy_theories/h8ssx1t/?context=3) **post: August 13, 2021** Proving the Q thing is not easy for custody purposes, especially if they aren't on social media and just consume the videos online, get confirmation bias from friends via phone conversations, texts, emails etc. Unless you hack into their phone or email and somehow have copies of these things, very hard to prove. Also, they tend to be smart enough to feign not believing in Q and projecting onto you that you are the crazy one, censoring their free speech and views etc. Even if you do prove they believe in Q, it's a leap from there to argue that they are not competent parents just because of their fringe views on things. There are even cases in Canada looking at anti-vax parents, and it's not necessarily something you can win at. It's all very frustrating.. **Update** [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/comments/q3wy6g/update_left_spouse_ranthow_far_gone_is_he/) **3: October 8, 2021** Hi guys, So heartbreaking seeing so many other families destroyed like mine. I left husband a few months ago, moving into new house soon. It has been VERY difficult. I had hoped that my leaving would maybe snap him out of it. I think he's just getting more delusional without me there to mitigate his hours of video consumption. Got my son vaxed at least! He was terrified he would die and felt like he was a traitor to his dad. I guess the peer pressure to be like his friends and be able to play sports helped sway him. I tried to show some interest and curiosity about his views, instead of outright challenging them or dismissing them. Whoah - now there are hybrids - pig/human hybrids (per A. Jones - who knows the truth about everything). A "lot of stuff" is coming but he wouldn't commit to writing down any deadlines. I had planned to write out the major predictions with deadlines and leave it with him so we could check how much actually comes true, with the hope that he might realize it's wrong (he was paranoid I'd take it to a lawyer etc so wouldn't want me to take it with me). He won't commit to any deadlines - it will all happen, SOMEDAY. Not only do the goalposts keep changing - they are never set in the first place. So I guess this will NEVER end? He says that there are multiple legal challenges re: Trump election fraud, vaccines are killing more people than covid (check VAERS!), remdesevir is killing people too. I probably got the placebo vaccine - otherwise I'm apt to die within 6mos-3 yrs. He says he's probably going to jail sometime soon. He implied it was because he wasn't going along with their narrative. People "like him" are going to be rounded up in quarantine camps. He will never bend the knee! This tyranny will never end. Fauci apparently tortured thousands of puppies with maggots....and is making trillions on the vaccine for a virus that HE created. He (and they rest of "them" responsible for these crimes against humanity) should be hanged in public so everyone knows the truth. I asked what he was going to do about it. He said he thinks there will be an armed uprising, and that the military may actually orchestrate it. Heartbreaking - he is terrified and in a perpetual state of rage. Yet, says he is "happy". So sad being unable to help someone you love...and seeing how they can be harmful to your children. How far gone do you think he is? Any hope for recovery after pandemic ends? I know I need to keep moving forward, if not for me, for my kids. They need one peaceful, calm, happy home. **Comment on** [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/comments/re556m/thinks_i_put_poison_in_me/ho6f5s4/?context=3) **post: December 11, 2021** My experience with the socratic approach or gently asking questions is that they shut you down. They respond by yelling or name calling, lumping you in with "them". Or they cut off the conversation with "I gotta go!". They say things like "I can't talk to you. I'm done arguing with you", the moment you try to answer one of their rhetorical questions or if you ask them a question. The irony is you're the one who's been listening for an hour without getting a word in edge wise. Quite the argument, indeed. When I ask them to explain how, exactly, mRNA alters DNA, they just say that they don't know for sure WHY things are happening just that they are right! It's exhausting. **Comment on** [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/comments/t3t92w/grieving_someone_who_is_still_alive/hz2tt9h/?context=3) **post: March 2, 2022** Yeah same here. Mine wasn't really working before and now can live off my child support payments so little incentive to work. Ironic though how he is such a strong proponent of "traditional" family values, patriarchy. It's OK when the woman pays for your life though while you sit around doing drugs, watching porn, consuming conspiracy videos. My education was mostly brainwashing at the "indoctrination farms", apparently. (high level science and medical degrees), sigh. **Final** [update](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/comments/ylwzqd/divorce_update_left_q_husband/)**: November 4, 2022** I posted quite a while ago. Divorce is finalized. My son still isn't coming with me and it's been 2 years since I left (he's in his teens now). I was bullied into an unfair agreement and shared custody but I'm heading to court now (should have went in the first place) to try to get full custody. Turns out Qanon husband is also a cocaine addict...go figure. Took ivermectin last year for his colds, talks about our children as being his "property" (sov cit crap?) and has become extremely religious (evangelical style - I'm the "anti-Christ" for being agnostic). This whole thing has been a nightmare. I am trauma bonded so have went back to him a couple of times (never for long, kids never knew). I'm working on breaking this through therapy and minimizing contact. Workbooks, suggested on here, have been helpful too. One of the trauma bond recovery books suggests seeking out support from an online community of people who have experienced what I have. I'm looking for more support, I guess. I have made some friends on here too. I'm hoping that the drug use will be enough for me to get custody of my younger child (may not be enough to get my older son out of there - he can just walk back). I'm learning to let go of the fantasy of who I thought I loved. Good luck to everyone out there experiencing this. It is truly horrible. However, I am stronger because of it and am focusing on my healing and personal growth and I have some peace now. PS: counselor advised not talking about him to my friends/family anymore to help me live my own "life". So I'm on here looking to vent and get some support. Thank you! **OOP, I sincerely wish you and your kids the best moving forward. I honestly don't have words for how horrifying the Q cult is and what it does to people.**

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yzivu7/doctor_lost_her_husband_to_q_tries_to_prevent_her/

yzivu7

My (23F) fiance (24M) has gotten way too overweight and I'm now having second thoughts about marriage.

REPOST

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwrafianceweight in r/relationship_advice** ---   [**My (23F) fiance (24M) has gotten way too overweight and I'm now having second thoughts about marriage.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hbs6nu/my_23f_fiance_24m_has_gotten_way_too_overweight/) - 19 June 2020 We've been together since we were 18. He proposed last April to which I was so happy about. Back then he was overweight by maybe 50 pounds, he'd gained this over the course of college. While it's of course not great it also wasn't a dealbreaker for me. I still enjoyed having sex with him and he was still active enough that we could live a normal life and have fun together. Since then, he's gone on to gain nearly a hundred more pounds in a little over a year. He weighs over 300 pounds. It's ridiculous at this point. I completely understand eating a crappy cafeteria-vending-machine-microwave diet when you're in college, plus the stress and late nights studying (or partying) where snacking is standard. But this far exceeds that. His habits didn't improve after college. They just got worse. I've lived with him since our junior year and can attest that he eats FAR MORE junk food now, not less. Despite me shopping and making healthy appropriately sized meals for the both of us. Not complaining about that, I actually love cooking and trying new recipes, I'm just pointing out he won't eat healthy even though he doesn't have to put in any effort to do so. Also fuck food delivery apps, seriously...no hate at all to the drivers trying to make some money but on the customer end, I feel like the sheer 24/7 instant access to fast food has almost become a crutch to him. He has to order something almost every day. Never mind the hole it's drilling in our budget. He can't seem to resist this constant availability knowing he can get whatever he wants whenever he wants it without even having to leave the house. This far predates quarantine by the way. I can feel my sexual interest dwindling by the day. It feels horrible because I still love him for the person he is but the physical part just idn't there anymore. It's a lack we both notice. The problem is he's not particularly motivated to do anything about it because his sex drive has decreased in an inverse relationship to his weight gain. He basically figures "we're just equally" not feeling like having much sex these days. He doesn't connect that he's doing something to cause this, it's not just a fluke. And it's not only about his size either. It's also his tendency to just sit on the couch on his laptop and snacking all day... we used to do more things together. I've tried many times to get him to do stuff I know he's interested in (or used to be?) but he usually turns it down in favor of the internet. I find it hard to find attraction to him when that's all he does with his day. I've tried talking to him about all this. He alternates between saying he's not that overweight, and saying it's not a big deal because he doesn't have any medical problems. But he can't know that for certain because he hasn't been to the doctor in a while. In general he sidesteps my worries by making jokes and acting really casual about it. Our wedding plans are pending due to covid but we decided we'll probably go ahead with just a very small official ceremony in September. Being so close to making this commitment to him, as he is right now, is seriously starting to give me pause... I don't want my husband to be like this for the rest of his life. I don't want him to die young. I mean, 100 pounds in a year? So where is he by the time he's 30 at that rate?? I'm not sure why he doesn't see a problem. He seems content with how things are. He says he isn't depressed (I haven't pushed it but did ask a couple times and he didn't seem to understand why I was asking). I do know depression or other mental illness can cause things like this, and I know depression cannot always be "seen" by the people around you... but we are quite emotionally open with eachother, he's never been a guy who struggles to talk about his feelings or problems. So this is unusual to me. He's caring towards me, goofy, and chipper as always in his daily attitude. His hygiene is fine. You wouldn't think anything was different if not for how he eats garbage and usually doesn't want to do anything that'd take him away from the computer or his phone for more than an hour. Could he still be depressed do you think? What do I do about this? If he is struggling with something, I want to support him. On the other hand, if it's just lazyness and not caring, I honestly don't think I could deal with that if it never changed. How do I tell the difference? TL;DR: My fiance is rapidly piling on weight, usually chooses really bad food despite me making healthy meals for him. I don't know why because he brushes off my concern and questions with jokes. It's really making me rethink marriage.   [**Update: My (23F) fiance (24M) has gotten way too overweight and I'm now having second thoughts about marriage.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/heszvw/update_my_23f_fiance_24m_has_gotten_way_too/) - 24 June 2020 Well, here goes... not a great update. I took a number of suggestions on what to bring up to him and how to have the conversation about my concerns. He did the usual thing of trying to brush it off. I persisted, much more than I have before. Eventually I got my wish, he finally told the truth. Not easily, mind, this was a several hours long ordeal. He did NOT want to come clean about anything. He has a weight gain fetish. Not me or someone else gaining weight, which I already knew was a thing, but HIM gaining weight. He's been doing all of this on purpose, for years. He said the beginning was unintentional, just eating too much junk at college. Then he realized he liked it. He also realized if he let himself balloon too much I might bail. He didn't want to lose me. So he had enough self control to keep it at a moderate level, until I accepted his proposal last year. That was apparently the green light he needed to throw restraint to the wind and start pursuing this fetish full speed ahead. I never had a single inkling of suspicion the entire time. I guess I can't blame myself for that because dramatic weight gain is usually for the reasons I assumed... depression or stress or bad habits or just getting comfortable and not caring. You never hear of sexual motivations. I still feel like a complete and utter fool. Like I got played, hard. This was NOT what I thought I was marrying into. When, if ever, was he going to tell me? He claims he "would have when it was the right time". What does that mean? Next week? Doubt it. Years in the future when we maybe have kids? More likely. Oh and the reluctance to do anything requiring getting off the internet that I mentioned? That's because he's posting in forums and discord fetish communities talking about it. All these people share weight gain tips and compare "progress pictures" of their bellies and write pornographic roleplay stories. I'm truly disgusted. I've obliviously been sat right next to him countless times while he gets off in his own little world. He has even discussed with random strangers how to keep me in the dark. Apparently the most common suggestion was "play dumb and make it into a running joke", so there's my explanation for why he constantly dismissed anything I said. Unbelievable. This has been going on right under my nose for years. I really cannot fathom how I could be so clueless. And that the person I thought I knew had the gall, to not only intentionally make himself obese, but to hide his motivations from me, seek out advice on how to do that, and lie to me over and over when I attempted to talk about my worry. I expressed how I felt seriously betrayed, like our relationship had been built on a false pretense without my knowledge. He did apologize sincerely. He said he would "try" to lose weight. I asked why is he only saying that now? Why did he refuse to discuss let alone change anything all the other times I asked what was up? Leaving me to be confused and worried instead. He didn't have an answer. He just begged me to give him one chance and promised he'd stop and get healthier. My problem is, I just don't know if I can believe that. And even if he follows through I don't know if I can get over being lied to. For years. I was so dumbfounded that I asked him to leave today (the conversation was last night) so I could collect my thoughts. He'll be back tomorrow night. 100% sure I want to call off the engagement. 80% sure I want to just bite the bullet and end the relationship. Fuck this. I absolutely love this man. Why did he have to do this. TL;DR: He has a fetish about gaining weight that he kept secret since college. Has been putting himself at risk deliberately. I'm in shock and will be calling off the wedding. TBD whether I give him a chance to prove he can change and be trustworthy, but I don't feel like it's likely.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yzjjzy/my_23f_fiance_24m_has_gotten_way_too_overweight/

yzjjzy

OOP - My husband’s tinder date contacted me and now I know why he has stopped going down on me.

ONGOING

I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/top-marketing-8802 in r/trueoffmychest. [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ypy66f/my_husbands_tinder_date_contacted_me_and_now_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **My husband’s tinder date contacted me and now I know why he has stopped going down on me** We have 3 small children together and he stopped eating me out after I gave birth. I missed it but he did me off other ways so I wasn’t really bothered and didn’t make the connection. Two weeks ago a woman contacted me on Facebook. She said that she the suspected that my husband is the one she’s going out with and she showed me his profile picture. How stupid are men nowadays or at least men in my country when you can easily find out their marital status, the adress and who lives at their adress with one google? Anyway in his profile. It was very important for him that women he looked for are childfree. I made a fake profile and started swiping men my husband’s age until I found him. We started talking and he was not the same man I married. I mean I know it’s him but he was cold, rude, horny and calculated. Only talked about sex. Not the warm man that comes home to us every evening to help me with the children tuck them read them stories and then spend the rest of the evening cozying me up in the sofa. When I asked him why he only wanted childfree he said this: **I can’t stand the look of (downstairs) on mothers.** I have been living in a haze. I’m a sahm. I can’t leave him. The woman who contacted me stayed in touch. She said she could help me find a job and she owns a few apartment buildings and is willing to give me one until I can start paying rent. How can life change so drastically in just two weeks. [Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ypy66f/my_husbands_tinder_date_contacted_me_and_now_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (9 Nov 22) **My husband’s tinder date contacted me and now I know why he has stopped going down on me. part 2** I want to answer this question first: Why I found that the worst part of my husband's cheating was the oral sex part. It was because this is something I was suspecting for a while and honestly I dont know why it hit me so hard. I know that cheaters cheat because they are cheaters but somehow I felt that he thought I was ugly downstairs and was cheating because he wanted something that he was lacking. This hit me hard. I'm not cold about the situation. I'm heartbroken but I honestly dont know why I rephrased my original post that way. it just hurt me so bad and I was just in the moment writing off what I was feeling. About the tinder date: She is 12 years older than me (I'm 29) and I have met her with her. She met my husband 4-5 times and that's when she started suspecting that he wasn't single (nor was he a businessman). When she found out that he was married she ghosted him. She found me on facebook and was hesitant for a week before contacting me. she said the main reason she didn't want to contact me was because she was scared that she would hurt me and ruin my and my children's life. What made her contact me however was the fact that she knew he would do it again if he wasn't doing it already. Why she wanted to help me now was because we ended up talking for days and she knew about my situation. she was in a similar situation with her late husband although hers was way worse. her husband groomed her when she was 16 and he was 25 her senior. He physically and mentally abused her so much so that she miscarried after he abused her and it resulted in her not being able to have children (that must be a real turn on for my DH mustn't it?). He cheated on her constantly because she was broken goods. He passed away 2 years ago. I have googled her after I came home and she is involved in a lot of charities concerning women. She still offered me help if I chose to leave my husband and she even drove me to one of the apartment complexes she owned. I know I need to leave my husband but I haven't talked to him yet. he is still the same warm and kind husband when he comes home. Tucks in the kids, cleans the kitchen and cuddles me in the sofa to our favorite TV shows talking about his day (minus the going down on other women part). [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yt9if1/my_husbands_tinder_date_contacted_me_and_now_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (12 Nov 22) **My husband’s tinder date contacted me and now I know why he has stopped going down on me. part 3** The cat is out of the bag now. I want to thank the reddit dude u/Rude-Fill-1306 who gave me the idea and thank you for complimenting my p\*ssy! you made my day. Yes I sent a picture of my privates and got gratification from a total stranger online. My husband was supposed to go out tonight on a work thing, A SATURDAY NIGHT? Like he is not even trying anymore. He was in the shower preparing I decided to join him, he looked dumbstruck but pleased all the same. He tried to touch me but I said that I had a surprise in the bedroom and that he should join me there. When he got out I was in bed in my underwear, I started touching myself and every time he tried to come nearer I pushed him back with my foot and told him just to watch. When I started touching down I asked him that if he wanted to see me he should take off my undies and he did so fast he almost ripped them off. I asked him if he liked what he saw and he was "God YES I LOVE IT" When I came he went crazy, telling me how sexy I was and how he wanted to have me now. I pushed him back with my foot again and asked him if he forgot that he had a work engagement and he said that he could always call in sick. So I asked him if his child free tinder p\*ssy would appreciate him bailing out on her with such short notice. He looked even more dumbstruck now and started panicking and apologizing. He said that that was nothing that he was going to cancel anyway because he was feeling guilty. I told him that I knew more than he could imagine and to save himself the embarrassment of lying when I knew much much more. I took another shower because I felt disgusted with everything and the rest of the evening I spent with my children, having Ice Age marathon. He left 4 hours ago and is been texting me all evening/night. I'm art major but I have been thinking about taking a semester or two and become art teacher. It is a decent job. After asking my husband to leave I called the tinder lady, who I wish with all my heart become a friend fo mine. I told her everything and she told me she might had found me a job as a painter (like houses). When my husbands comes back I will ask him to move into the living room. I will not tell him that I'm leaving him until I have set my affairs in order. **Reminder - I'm not the OOP** The [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ypy66f/my_husbands_tinder_date_contacted_me_and_now_i/ivs9k8p?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) by u/rude-fill-1360.

prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yzmaw7/oop_my_husbands_tinder_date_contacted_me_and_now/

yzmaw7

My Daughter Disowned my Grandson.

REPOST

**I am not OP.** Posted by u/GrandmommaofDragons on r/justnofamily   [**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/agos9a/my_daughter_disowned_my_grandson/) _- January 17, 2019_ Well, I'm furious. This morning, my sixteen year old grandson showed up at my doorstep with a bag looking like he'd just had the stuffing knocked out of him. He lives two states away and travelled by bus to get here. Why? Because my daughter decided the best way to handle him coming out to her was to toss him out into the cold. I'm so angry with her that I don't want to type out things that I will one day regret, but Jesus, I thought I raised her better than that. My grandson is currently sleeping in his new bedroom, and I'm at a bit of a loss as to how to proceed from here. The poor child has just had his entire world turned upside down, but what do I say and do to make this right for him? He doesn't want to go back, daughter doesn't want him back, I'm absolutely fine with having him stay with me, but there's a lot that needs doing. More importantly, what channels would I need to go through to make sure my daughter gets her just deserts? I love her, and I'll likely always love her, but I raised them all to be accountable for their actions, and nobody hurts my grandbabies. \*Edit: I appreciate all the help and assistance that has been offered, and I have spoken with my lawyer. I have been advised not to speak about legal matters until we have the situation handled. Financially, I have done very well for myself and can provide everything my grandson wants and needs without causing myself financial difficulty. For these reasons, I would humbly request that people stop messaging me with advice and offers of aid at this time. I am extremely grateful, and I am so touched by this show of love and support from complete strangers, but it's becoming very overwhelming on my end. When things are settled, I will update you all on the outcome. Thank you again for your love, support, and advice.   [**Update 1**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/al05ux/daughter_disowned_my_grandson_update/) _- January 29, 2019_ My grandson is in therapy and has been enrolled at school. He has been placed in my custody while CPS proceeds. My lawyer is handling all necessary paperwork and believes we have absolutely nothing to worry about. Our case worker has echoed this. I will not be discussing legal matters further. My daughter is facing criminal charges for her actions. Child abandonment is a very serious crime. Her actions reflect very poorly on her as a whole. Upon realising that her income was being cut off and that she had committed a fair number of crimes, she instantly began to plead that she hadn't meant to and it had been a heat of the moment decision that she regretted. Considering she has already thrown out all of my grandson's clothing and worldly possessions, this defense did not hold up to scrutiny. My grandson is as well as can be expected. He's made friends in the form of my neighbour's kids. They're around his age. We've redecorated his room and he had a good time being allowed to pick out his own furniture and paint. He's gotten a PS4 which has become his escape. He personally has made the choice to not join a group and I won't force him to do so. We're talking about getting a puppy as he loves dogs but his mother never allowed him one. We are doing well. Thank you all again for your support when this began.   [**Final Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/axk9yg/daughter_disowned_my_grandson_update_2/) _- March 5, 2019_ My grandson is doing well. He has made a few friends in the neighbourhood and he has bonded with his pup quite nicely. The two are almost inseparable save for when he is in school. He has begun meeting with a counsellor that offers online sessions. My daughter has been granted a plea deal which she has accepted to avoid the full extent of what the courts would have otherwise given her. I am told by my lawyer that this is a common occurrence in such situations in order to expedite proceedings so as to best see to the child's needs. The charges against my daughter were dropped in accordance with this deal, and she has been stripped of her parental rights. Due to much of what came to light during proceedings, a restraining order was granted to keep her away from my grandson until he reaches his majority. We are moving forward with life. Now that court and other proceedings are winding down, I am once more considering moving. Even with my grandson here, the house is just to big for us, and the weather isn't as kind to my bones as it was when I was younger. My grandson is open to the idea and views it as a fresh start. This situation has allowed me to glean things about my family that I find very useful. The relatives that sided with my daughter and told her it was her right to do as she did as a god-fearing woman have been struck from my phonebook. Unfortunately, I count another of my children in this list. Those who took my grandson's side (note, it is very much his side and not my side) have shown themselves to be the good people I knew them to be. The wheat has separated itself from the chaff. I do believe this will be my last post here as there is just not much more to add, but I just wanted this lovely community to know that we will be okay.

rainingsakuras

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yzqj8o/my_daughter_disowned_my_grandson/

yzqj8o

OP's Partner thinks he's trying to poision her

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justjk18

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My Boyfriend has a work wife and I hate it

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I am not OP. Original post from /r/offmychest by /u/Valuable-Side-766 Trigger warnings: >! Cheating, gaslighting, mention of mental abuse, mentions of self harm!< Mood spoilers: >! Sad but hopeful for OP !< --------------‐--------------- Orignal post 11 Nov 2022 https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/yr1sdo/my_bf_has_a_work_wife_and_i_hate_it/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button My BF has a work wife and I hate it I (25F) have been with my boyfriend (26M) for almost 4 years now. We have been in an LDR situation for 3 years because of the Pandemic and we both live in different cities because of his work. There’s no reason for me not to trust him. All our years together (and majority of it being LDR), nothing happened for me to lose my trust in him or to even doubt his feelings for me. Except 3 months ago. In our relationship, we often talk about how our day went, what happened at work, etc. It’s all pretty normal until he started talking about his co-worker. Let’s call her Amy (not her real name). My BF has been working for that company for 2 years, while Amy worked for more than 5 years there. I can’t really say that they recently met because from the beginning, they’re on the same department and team. In all my BF’s years of working there, he never once mentioned Amy. At least, not like how he does now. Anyway, my BF told me how amazing Amy was at work, and how basically he feels really happy to have found her as a friend. I don’t really mind that until he said she’s his work wife. I know the concept of a work husband and work wife, and to be frank I don’t like that. I asked since when have they been each other’s work spouse, and he told me around 3 months after he came to work, their office started to joke around saying how good Amy and my BF looked together. Their office consistently and always teased them together by giving projects both Amy and my BF need to do together which made them grow closer. They look after each other, and Amy even goes as far to pack my BF lunch everyday. She would often ask BF what he wanted to eat, and the next day she would cook it and bring it for him to eat. I really couldn’t bear to hear more of what my BF had to share because I feel so betrayed. I feel lied to. In all those time I asked him how his day went by and how his work was, I never heard him tell me this story. I never knew Amy and him were that close, and I never knew his co-workers teased them. I don’t know what to do, BF thinks I’m blowing things up for no reason and that I’m overreacting, but I feel really betrayed. What should I do? --------------‐--------------- Update 1 11 Nov 2022 https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/yrb9v4/update_my_bf_has_a_work_wife_and_i_hate_it/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button [UPDATE] My BF has a work wife and I hate it Hi everyone. As promised, here’s an update. I’m not sure if everyone saw my comment in the thread since it has gotten so long. I appreciate all the comments and messages I’ve received though! But there were some who told me I was naive and I’m so sorry. To be honest, I don’t have a lot of experience when it comes to romantic relationships as BF is my first in everything. Please don’t be too harsh! 🙏 Anyway, for the update. So BF and I were supposed to call, but he ended up showing up at my place instead so we could genuinely talk. I didn’t let him in, because I took everyone’s advice carefully and I did this to protect myself just in case. We went to a nearby coffee place where the owner knows me in case something happens. I know he wouldn’t physically harm me, but I just want to be sure. I feel like I don’t know him anymore, to be honest. The first thing I asked him was if everyone knew about my existence. If his co-workers knew he had a girlfriend. He said they did. At this point I felt livid at his co-workers and at Amy. I would understand if they don’t know about me, but they do. I started to cry at this point out of frustration and BF kept apologizing to me. The next question I asked is if he has feelings for Amy. BF said he never had feelings for Amy, and he was sure Amy didn’t have feelings for him too because she has a boyfriend. I don’t believe she doesn’t have feelings for him. I told him I don’t believe she doesn’t have feelings for him. I know she does. My gut says so. He said it’s normal for opposite genders to be friends, and I immediately called him out for this, because he’s doing the opposite to me. I’m not allowed to have friends from the opposite sex, and he’s allowed? And he allows Amy to treat her the way she does, and care for him the way a girlfriend should care for someone? I also went on to let him imagine if it were him in my shoes, would he be happy to find out I have a work husband, and that I hid this dynamic from him for almost 2 years? He couldn’t even look me in the eye, but he started crying too. He said he was sorry for everything, and he sees where I am coming from. He finally understood how it feels for me, and he was sorry it took so long for him to open up. He asked for another chance, and I said I wasn’t sure. I was honest as well when I told him I was ready to leave him tonight and he begged me not to go, because he never saw Amy as something more and that it was I who he loves. I told him I’m not sure if I can believe that, and he said he would do anything to regain my trust back even if it meant starting from zero. He said he was willing to quit his work and look for a new job closer to where I am so he could spend more time with me. But I said I am no longer ready to move in with him, and he said he’s willing to wait until I take him back. I also told him I posted here on Reddit, and the reason why I have the courage to speak my mind is because you all gave me the courage I thought I never had. I encouraged him to read through the comments, as I did mention the emotional abuse he puts me through and I hadn’t even noticed it. I don’t know what’s next for us. I am uncertain if I want to try again. But I am allowing him to at least make it up to me. It will be up to me to decide if I want to take him back in or not, and he agreed. Also, he showed me the chats he had with Amy. My BF replies were formal, and not flirty. Hers was. BF was being respectful and he said he sees her as a sister, and nothing more. She sends suggestive photos and my BF told her it’s not something he should have a say on and to show it to her SO instead. Nothing seemed unusual from him, but it doesn’t relieve the fact that he lied to me and withheld this information for so long. I am furious at Amy and the co-workers for not respecting someone’s relationship, and I am furious at BF for lying and withholding this information from me. Anyway, I took her account and I will be messaging her later. BF doesn’t have a problem with this, and he’s also supportive of me confronting Amy. BF also shared the FB name of Amy’s SO, which I may reach out to in case I need it. As for the keys to my place and finances, BF understands that I want to pull out my share of money and that I want the keys back. He gave it to me and will be processing the closure of the joint account next week. He said he understands that this was his consequence for his actions and that he’s willing to earn me back. I will update everyone when I message Amy and as soon as she responds back. Again, thank you for the support and courage you gave me. From the bottom of my heart, I am truly grateful to have my voice and power back. He’s on his way back to his city, and I am all alone in my place now. I have never cried like this since in a while, and I never realized how overwhelmed I was until I was all alone. Please be proud of me, I stood my ground. Thank you for your kind support. --------------‐--------------- Update 2 12 Nov 2022 https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/yrx4re/update_my_bf_has_a_work_wife_and_i_hate_it/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button [UPDATE] My BF has a work wife and I hate it Hi everyone. I was hesitant to post this update because my posts got on Tiktok, and I saw some bad comments there. I am sorry, I cannot express myself properly. I am not so good at sharing stories mainly because I’m a private person. I never thought my post here will blow up and so many people will see it. I just wanted to vent. Please be kind with your words. Beyond all my posts, I am a person with feelings. I just want to clear some things up. While I do read through all your comments here, and while I did ask for advice, please know I am my own person and all my decisions were made not because I was influenced by anyone. I have lived on my own for years now, and have been independent. I know I asked for advice, but deep down I knew what I had to do. As some of you may know, I no longer have any support group because ex BF controlled me and manipulated into thinking girls can’t be friends with guys. I just needed a safe space to vent. Your comments are all welcome, and I am truly grateful for all the help you’ve given. But please don’t tell me I did this for attention and for the clout. I hope it is, honestly. But it isn’t. I wish this isn’t true so I can spare myself from the hurt. Yes, I broke up with ex BF. Many of you don’t understand why, and that’s okay. I feel like I can’t trust him anymore from this point on, and it is unfair for him to be with someone who can’t trust him. I know he wants to reconcile and the truth is I still love him. Many of you think I broke up with him for something so small…an “honest mistake.” But let me tell you, two years of withholding information from your Significant Other, most specially about the advances of some other girl is not easy to process. It may be nothing for ex BF but things like that should be known by your partner, regardless if you think it’s nothing to be made a big deal out of. I need to heal before I choose to be with anyone—even him. If I still want to be with him, I know I need to heal. I don’t wish them ill. I hope they will be happy, and I genuinely mean that. I just really want to know the truth and move forward with my life. I want to heal and be happy. And part of healing for me is knowing all sides of the story. Messaging Amy is never meant to be a confrontation. I do not want to message her because I want to set boundaries. Ex BF and I broke up. If he wants to pursue Amy then that is okay. He is free to do that now. All I want to do is to find out the truth. I want to hear Amy’s side of the story as I don’t know if I can trust what ex BF told me. I have a feeling she does not know about me. I know some of you can’t understand this, and that’s okay. 😊 You are most welcome to disagree with this but please be kind about it Before I message Amy, I would probably talk to her SO first. In fact, I already sent him a message and he replied. This weekend, we will meet to talk personally. I want him to know first and to be the person who’ll confront Amy. He deserves to know that. He needs to know what his GF has been doing behind his back. And then as for finding out the truth, maybe it’ll be a face to face meeting with me, Amy, and her SO. I’ll try my best not to let my emotions get to me and to just ask for the truth. That is all I need. If you even reached this part, thank you. I appreciate you. --------------‐--------------- Update 3 13 Nov 2022 https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/yt7crj/update_my_bf_has_a_work_wife_and_i_hate_it_talk/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button [UPDATE] My BF has a work wife and I hate it -- Talk with Amy's SO Hi, as you can see from the title I've finally had a talk with Amy's SO. But before that, I just want to say thanks to those who believe in my story. I truly appreciate you all. I went in here to vent, not expecting anyone to even read my story. I don't have people to talk to, so it means so much to me that people from reddit take their time to let me know they are happy for me and my decision. As for those who don't believe in my story and who can't accept that I've chosen to decide the path I took, please respect my decision. Not all people have the same coping mechanism. This is how I cope, and this is what I believe is best to do in this situation. I'm not a perfect human being and I know I make mistakes but at least I try my best to choose what will be best for everyone and myself. Please be kind. Also, this will probably be my last update for this...unless there's really something else to share. While there were so many supportive people in here, there are also others who are so mean and it has gotten to me now. I don't think I can take any more and I'm just going to fulfill my promise to some kind souls in here about this update :) I hope you understand! So for the update: Amy's SO (to make it easier, let's call him Matt) and I met somewhere near his office. Matt and Amy are also long distance, so I was a bit surprised that him and I resided in the same city. This made it easier for us to meet as travel wasn't that far. Apparently he works on weekends and the only time we can meet is during lunch hours. We met at a public park as we both felt it's awkward to talk about this casually over coffee...He also mentioned that he did not tell Amy about this meet-up and will do so when they talk. I first apologized for what I had to say. I told him I know it's not my place to be the one to break the news to him, but with how I found out about the relationship between Amy and my ex, I'm pretty sure he had no idea of that dynamic too. When I told him what my ex told and showed me, Matt told me he never knew about my ex BF and Amy never mentioned anything about my ex BF. He also understood where my anger is coming from and why I decided to break it off with my ex, because he felt the same way after hearing everything, Matt also mentioned how distant Amy has been, and how recently their relationship is rocky. I guess this was the answer he needed. We didn't talk long, to be honest. I only said what I had to say, and he thanked me for going out of my way to let him know what was happening behind his back. I'm not sure what will happen between them, and I don't know what Matt will do after this information. I honestly wish him the best. He seems like a great and kind person. Whatever he decides to do after what he heard from me, that is completely up to him. Both of us didn't deserve what we went through. I've also decided not to talk to Amy anymore. After talking to Matt, I just lost all my energy completely and I want to remove myself from the situation now. I have to heal and move on. I deserve to be happy. Thanks for everything, everyone! --------------‐--------------- Update 4 13 Nov 2022 https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/ytdhah/update_bf_has_a_work_wife_and_i_hate_it_the_real/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button [UPDATE] BF has a work wife and I hate it - the REAL truth [Edit: I saw some of my posts getting cross-posted to other subreddits, insinuating that this is all made up. if my posts bother you or if seeing me actively comment bothers you, please do yourself a favor and block me. People like you are the reason why others can’t safely vent in here and that’s so fucked up.] It's 1am where I am and I am still shaking. Please forgive me if I will somewhat be incoherent in this post. English is not my first language and I'm crying as I write this. I also know I said I won't post any update anymore, but I don't know who to talk to. I'm a mess. Matt texted me the worst news I could get after everything that happened. I never thought I'd be this affected even though at some point I thought of this scenario in my head. **He told me Amy and my POS ex really had an affair.** Both physical and emotional. Amy admitted that he and ex have been "f\*ck buddies" for more than a year now, and Amy does have feelings for ex. Amy did say ex did not have feelings for her and was only after the physical intimacy, and they'd usually s\*xt in snapchat. (probably why the messages shown to me were that way as that wasn't their main mode of communication) Matt also mentioned ex cut Amy off, and Amy wants to reconcile with Matt but he refused. (I asked permission if I can say this part here, he allowed me) Now I feel like I was right in walking away, but I can't really help but feel devastated. Even at the very last moment, POS really lied and even cheated on me after everything. I really don't deserve this but here's the truth and I have to accept it. I knew deep down that POS wasn't saying what really happened, and I'm glad I trusted my gut. I'm glad he can no longer hurt me after all this because I am so done. I won't confront ex anymore as there is no point. He'll just lie to my face again. I just need to get all my money from our account first thing in the morning later, and after that I won't contact him ever again and I will never allow him in my space. I'll look for a new place to stay in too, as I don't like the idea of him knowing where to find me. I feel like crap now. I can't even make myself stay in my place anymore as I remember all our memories. And the idea that ex had s\*x with another woman while he was still seeing me is disgusting. I'm sorry, I'm such a mess. I am angry. I am sad. I want to scream. I don't know what I need to do. I feel so overwhelmingly angry. I won't read the comments anymore as I know some shit fuckers out there will have something negative to say again and I am not in the right headspace to even read nonsense and insensitive comments. I just hope none of you will ever go through this pain and heartbreak. I feel for Matt. I hope he will be okay. --------------‐--------------- Relevant comments from OP Hi. I just want to come in here to tell you all I’m so very grateful for all the love and support you’ve given me. I appreciate people telling me to update how I am, and honestly I am not okay. I am still in the process of dealing with all this that I would like to take some time off for me. I may not be able to respond to messages since reddit sometimes doesn’t allow me (idk why) but please know I see it all and I truly appreciate every single one of you. Please know I see you and your comments—both the bad and the good. I’m still so blessed that most of you who’ve read my situation are kind hearted people, and that you are a lot more than those who bring others down for no reason. I honestly don’t have any reason to waste my time and to come in here to make up lies but so many others believe I’m just milking this off for the clout. I wish this was the case, so I at least know my heart is okay. I really am not okay. But not everyone can understand that people don’t act the same in every situation, and not everyone deal with issues the same. It’s okay to disagree with me, but don’t be such an AH about it. If I see anyone invalidating me and my story, you will be BLOCKED. Amy also reached out to me, and her message is sitting in my message requests. I don’t think I’ll ever open that message. I’m also no longer updating this thread and this post will be the FINAL update as I am overwhelmed and stressed. If you genuinely want an update, feel free to message me and reach out. I’ll try to share what I can. After all, you’ve been with me on this journey. I will only give updates to genuine people who are concerned about me. Many people have also called me out and said that this situation is a lie because of how fast things turn out to be. That is beyond my control, and I share in here what’s happening minutes or hours after it happened. How is that so wrong, and how does that become a lie? Some people are just so good at making others miserable. That’s just sad. ------------------------------- Marking as concludes although OOP has commented the ex is trying to manipulate them back into the relationship and the challenges of cutting them out. I truly hope the OOP sees the manipulation and toxic nature of their ex and manages to stay strong and move forward, given the updates though concluded felt appropriate.

bluecheesywheel

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yzr55j/my_boyfriend_has_a_work_wife_and_i_hate_it/

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I (29F) think my SO (30M) is poisoning me, but I am not sure and I don't know what to do

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I (29F) think my SO (30M) is poisoning me, but I am not sure and I don't know what to do

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I'm volunteering at the finish line at Boston for the first time. Anything I should know?

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OOP's wife gave him chlamydia, OOP gave her divorce papers.

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What are the appropriate clothes for a nanny to wear to work?

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OOP - My husband of 19 years cheated on me at his work party.

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AITA for choosing my niece over my daughter?

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I (30m) rejected one of my best friends (28f) that I used to be in love with

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I (30m) rejected one of my best friends (28f) that I used to be in love with

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AITA for not giving 24 hours notice to my daughter's roommates before dropping something off

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[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yuje53/aita_for_not_giving_24_hours_notice_to_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) posted by [u/OccasionWilling4170](https://www.reddit.com/user/OccasionWilling4170/) on Nov 14, 2022 I'm new to reddit but my husband advised that I post here and is helping me write this. I am a mother to a 20-year-old daughter. She is a junior in college and attends school in the same city that we live. My daughter and two of her friends live in a condominium that I own. Her friends pay below-market rent while my daughter does not. The condo was inherited from my parents and it was their intent that I would pass ownership of it to my daughter when she is mature enough to own her own place. My daughter, husband, and I are in agreement that she will take over ownership of the condo when she is out of school and financially independent. Earlier this week, my daughter mentioned that she had run out of some household supplies and would have to set aside time to go shopping before the end of the week. My daughter's schedule has been especially rough lately, as she has picked up extra shifts at her part time job due to short staffing. Wanting to be helpful, I offered to pick up the supplies for her and drop them off at her place. She accepted. The next day, I picked up the supplies and took them to the condo. I knew my daughter was in class, so I knocked and, when no one answered, let myself in. The front door opens into the living room. When I entered, I found one of my daughters roommates being intimate with a man on the living room couch. I was obviously mortified, so I left the supplies at the door and left right away. I didn't say anything to my daughter about what happened because I didn't want to put her in an uncomfortable position but I did let her know that I had dropped off the supplies. On Friday, I got an angry email from the roommate's parents. I'm not sure exactly what they were told but their email lambasted me for invading their daughter's privacy. They said that what I did was wrong because I'm their daughter's landlord and I entered the condo without giving 24-hours notice. They're threatening to take legal action if I do it again. I am vaguely familiar with this requirement, but didn't think it was applicable here. Was I the asshole in this situation? I feel bad about what happened but I also don't feel like I was out of line. Edit: My daughter was aware that I was coming to drop off the supplies and asked that I leave them in the kitchen, which is adjacent to the living room. Edit 2: I am not asking for judgment on whether I violated the law. I checked in with a friend who is a lawyer and he thinks that, because my daughter gave explicit permission to enter the home and drop off the supplies, I'm in the clear. I am asking whether I was the asshole for doing so. Verdict: NTA UPDATE in the same post: I called and texted my daughter asking to discuss the situation. She can't speak to me right now because her roommates are fighting and she's mediating, but she is aware of the situation and sent me a quick explanation. My daughter had notified all the roommates that I was coming over but Roommate 1 apparently forgot. The man she was with was Roommate 2's boyfriend. She freaked out and contacted her parents because she was scared I would spill the beans. I still don't know exactly what she told her parents but I assume it wasn't the full story. I have never met Roommate 2's boyfriend, so I didn't know it was him. Roommate 1 and Roommate 2 are fighting now and, needless to say, Roommate 1 will be moving out. I will be writing a more comprehensive, formal lease for Roommate 2 for both my protection and hers but, in all honesty, Roommate 2 is wonderful and I do not anticipate that there will be any problems.

newww_heree

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z04pfs/aita_for_not_giving_24_hours_notice_to_my/

z04pfs

I regret leaving my wife for my GF. I don't know if I have the right to ask her to take me back

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ImageNo1045

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z05rnn/i_regret_leaving_my_wife_for_my_gf_i_dont_know_if/

z05rnn

OOP - My husband of 19 years cheated on me at his work party.

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I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/97742redditthrowaway in r/trueoffmychest. [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/xbmuqe/my_husband_of_19_years_cheated_on_me_at_his_work/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (11 Sept 22) **My husband of 19 years cheated on me at his work party** He's a software developer and there was a party at a restaurant to celebrate the completion of a project. I had to work (911 operator) so I wasn't there. I found out when people started telling me how sorry they were. I had no idea what they meant until someone told me to check the social media. There are pictures where he is in the background kissing and otherwise all over a woman. Some with her hand down his pants. Not just a single picture but many of them. It is all over the start up's and his colleague's social media showing how close they got. My husband was trying to damage control but when I told him I knew he said he had sex with the waitress. I'm humiliated because everyone knows and I'm terrified that our 17 year-old will see them. My husband wants to go to counseling and stay together but I don't think I can do that. My worst fear is my daughter finding out. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ytnvlc/update_my_husband_of_19_years_cheated_on_me_at/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (13 Nov 22) **Update My husband of 19 years cheated on me at his work party** Background: My husband had a work dinner at a local restaurant. He cheated on me with a waitress there. I found out because he was in the background of several photos on his work and his colleague's social media making out with her and people told me about it. My husband admitted he had sex with her. The dinner was at 5:30 in the afternoon and he was sober. We have been married for 19 years and have a 17 year old daughter. She is at university right now, in another province. Update: I had decided to divorce him but he tried to convince me to get to go to marriage counselling. I thought this was the only time he cheated but he told me has had a few other one night stands during our marriage. He could not tell me an exact number. That solidified my decision. Since our house was an inherentance before we met it is not countered as martial property. I'm living with my cousin because she needed a roommate and it's a better deal than having a smaller apartment or living with strangers as roommates. My lawyer said I could apply for divorce based on adultery but that it would take over a year to get to court anyways so I applied for a no fault based on a separation for a year. That will be easier to prove, and since we only have one asset (a savings account) and there is no child or spousal support or anything else to divide a no fault is simpler. My lawyer said a fault one for adultery would make no difference in the division of the savings account anyways. My daughter is at university 5700 km away and wasn't scheduled to come home until Christmas because of the distance. If I could have told her in person I would. I told her over Skype. Not all the details just that her father and I are divorcing because he was unfaithful. I didn't go into the details of the work party or his other admission. Part of me is glad she is so far away because she won't be caught in the middle. She's turning 18 next month and her university tuition is covered by a scholarship. But she won't be here to get caught in the middle. Overall I'm doing well. I have good days and bad ones. But at least I found out this time. Better than not knowing what he was doing. That is my update. **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z06kau/oop_my_husband_of_19_years_cheated_on_me_at_his/

z06kau

OOP - I regret leaving my wife for my GF. I don't know if I have the right to ask her to take me back.

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I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/used-veterinarian978 in r/trueoffmychest. [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yskt1e/i_regret_leaving_my_wife_for_my_gf_i_dont_know_if/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (12 Nov 22) **I regret leaving my wife for my GF. I don't know if I have the right to ask her to take me back** My wife and I separated a year and a half ago. Before that we were together for 15 years. 15 happy years. We have two daughters together. 14 and 12. The last two years of our marriage I thought that we have achieved all that we could achieve. Nothing changed and we knew each other by heart. The pandemic years were hard on me mentally being stuck at home 24/7 (I didn't know that at the time I thought I was stagnating and out of love with my wife and that being home made me realize that instead of the truth that I was depressed because of being home all the time albeit with her). When I went back to the office after two years, I thought my change of humor to the positive was because I wasn't with her, instead of the fact that I could actually get out again. I met Ana (f32), she was one of the new people that we hired. Ana is free and happy. Social and high spirited. She took the office by storm. She was the opposite of my shy and calm wife. I remember when I first met my wife. I was the one who asked her out, and first two years into our relationship she confessed to me that she had liked me for at least a year before I asked her out. With Ana, she was honest and verbal about how she had a crush on me. Like an open book. She proposed to me. I told her that I was married and she said that we only lived once and that she just wanted to tell me how she felt no matter if I reciprocated or not. I felt strongly for her. I confessed to my wife that I was out of love with her. She asked me if there was someone else and I said yes. That was enough for her not to try to dissuade me. I know that she was hurt and suffering in secret and I never tried to console her because I didn't want her to know that I knew how much she was hurting. Her pride has always been her dearest possession, I moved out a week later, to Ana. I thought that I was going to be over the moon now but something that was missing even when I felt happy. I thought it was me missing my children and my home. I was used to be with my daughters every day and now I see them only half the time. I thought it was my daughters crying and not speaking to me that hurt me. I thought it was the disappointment in their eyes that disturbed my sleep at night. My wife was my rock even in separation. She made sure that the girls didn't refuse to see me. She kept my image whole and always spoke to them about how I loved them and how good father of a father I was. I knew she was hurting and I could see her missing me but she never once lost her dignity. It was around Christmas when it hit me how much I really lost. Ana had surprised me with a trip to a warm destination because I was feeling down that this would be the first time I wouldn't celebrate with my daughters who chose their mother. Ana always understood that my blueness was because I missed my girls all the time and she tried everything to cheer me up. The night before I we took our trip I dropped by my wife to leave my daughters presents. My wife opened the door and she just looked so serene. I lost my balance on an ice patch and she just said ops and ran towards me to help with the gifts. I caught a whiff of her smell and that was when it all hit me. I did miss my children and my home and my stability but most of all I just missed my wife. I missed her warmth, her voice, her calmness, her wit and most of all her smell when I buried my face in her hair and neck on Saturdays when we could sleep in. I knew that I never really stopped loving her. She wasn't the reason I went through a dark period she was the only light that pushed me forward. I have always missed her. I have tried to explain it away because I have this new brilliant girlfriend who is so different who is teaching me how to be excited again. Every time my wife face is the first thing I thought of when I woke up in the morning and looked at the person next to me. And every time Ana kissed me and I closed my eyes to try and imagine my wife's smell I pushed these thoughts away because I thought of how miserable my life had been these pandemic years. My wife was putting up the Christmas tree and I asked her if I could stay for a beer and she said yes. I started crying in our kitchen and when she asked I told her that I was missing the girls and how strange it was not to celebrate with them. She comforted me and told me that everything will be okay and to have a nice trip. Change is never easy even if we wanted it. Now another Christmas is approaching. Ana has booked a new adventure for Christmas and I didn't even protest. For the last year, picking the children up or dropping them off has been what I look forward to just to see my wife's face. I have noticed how she has become happier and more in terms with the changes and I envy her. I wish I could just tell her how I feel but I don't want to disturb her healing when she's come so far. I love her like I never loved her before but I dont deserve a moment more of her life after what I did. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yu25w6/i_have_now_broken_up_with_ana/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (13 Nov 22) **I have now broken up with Ana** I feel such a weight lifting. Maybe it is not a nice thing to do. Breaking up with someone before the holidays but I needed this. For my own sake but even for Ana. She doesn't deserve my resentment towards her since I'm the only one to blame for breaking up my marriage. But I can't help but resent her. I can't help but but think I don't want someone like her around my daughters. I hope she will be fine and I wish her luck. ​ Me: I blame nobody but myself for breaking up my marriage. the average comment: so you are saying Ana is the one to blame for breaking up your marriage. ​ I dont know why my comments are being deleted. Probably offended one of the mods. So I will leave this app. ​ I'm not going to bother my wife. I probably need to be alone while trying to sort out my feelings and mental issues. I'm just hoping this would make my girls accept me and my home as their second. ​ I heard about reddit on a podcast. I thought the quality would be better than this. But I made good connections with some people who have/had battled depression. so I'm taking this with a grain of salt. and I'm grateful for those who listened to me ​ have a great life everyone ​ ​ **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z06mic/oop_i_regret_leaving_my_wife_for_my_gf_i_dont/

z06mic

I (30m) rejected one of my best friends (28f) that I used to be in love with

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z06xm4/i_30m_rejected_one_of_my_best_friends_28f_that_i/

z06xm4

OOP’s stepson is in love with her daughter

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z06zx6/oops_stepson_is_in_love_with_her_daughter/

z06zx6

I'm volunteering at the finish line at Boston for the first time. Anything I should know?

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Trigger warning: >!Violence. this is about the Boston Marathon bombing!< This is a repost. Original posts by [u/99trumpets](https://www.reddit.com/u/99trumpets) in [r/running](https://www.reddit.com/r/running) \--- **Thursday April 11, 2013** [I'm volunteering at the finish line at Boston for the first time. Anything I should know?](https://www.reddit.com/r/running/comments/1c539v/im_volunteering_at_the_finish_line_at_boston_for/) Besides not getting in your way. They're going to give us some kind of training that morning but I thought I'd ask and see if you guys have seen volunteers do stupid or helpful things for finishers. I'll be there all day, till the last stragglers come in. \--- **Monday April 15, 2013** **The following is from** u/99trumpets **comments on the** r/running **megathread.** [Explosion at Boston?](https://www.reddit.com/r/running/comments/1cemo3/comment/c9ftn98/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) I was/am volunteering there (am still there). I was at the Gatorade booth about 50ft past the finish. It had been such a happy day. I was holding two Gatorades out to runners looking right at the finish line, Suddenly a big BOOM, absolutely thunderous. I was looking right at it, huge plume of smoke that went halfway up the church, we all just stared, all the runners turned and stared. I thought, "That's not gunfire" (I've lived in Rio, I know gunfire). BOOM, another one, I said "That was an explosion" (duh, I know). Everybody started running. To give you the picture I was at the point where everybody has just stopped running and is savoring victory and EVERYBODY STARTED RUNNING AGAIN - something about this scene was absolutely surreal, to see all those exhausted runners who looked like they could barely walk, just all spring back into action simultaneously like that. Volunteers running too. People abandoning their spots and that's when I thought, "this is the real thing." Me and the other Gatorade girls kind of instinctively backed up till we bumped into the water truck. Bit of a panic for like 5 min because we didn't know if there would be more bombs. I remember thinking "not in my city, no". I remember thinking "I'm not going to leave." Real chaos for a while. Most volunteers left. They were carrying people into the med tent near me. (edit: someone asked - yes I saw the poor poor poor guy who got his feet blown completely off. god fucking dammit.) (another edit: I wanted to get closer to help - I know a fair bit of first aid - but they would not allow it. They didn't need me anyway, they had tons of EMTs and doctors anyway.) The cops needed waters so we ran waters up to the actual site. Then a cop yells "Get these tables out of the way" - the street had a loooooong center aisle of water tables and Gatorade tables, and the ambulances couldn't get in. We all started flinging the water out of the way, as quick as we could. There were only like 5 of us volunteers still there though (the rest had been told to leave) and like ten million tables. The crowd is watching us desperately hurling the waters to the side of the street and then the whole crowd starts LEAPING over the security dividers and helping us haul all the waters and tables out of the way. (edit: Guys were hurling those cartons of Poland Spring water bottles like big footballs!) I didn't start to cry till right then when everybody jumped to help. We all got shepherded away then. But then I kept finding lost runners. It had gotten cold and everybody was wandering all over, streets closed, sirens everywhere, and you'd find some skinny runner girl (who'd just finished a marathon fer chrissake!), shivering and lost and in tears, and no phone and can't find her family. I found like 4 of those runners and walked each to where they needed to be. Just spent over an hour with one who couldn't find her family. (edit: she was trying to hide how scared she was - her brother and dad wouldn't answer their cells - turned out she knew that they'd been right at the finish line. But they were ok, it was just the lines were jammed. She was super cool and calm and collected the whole hour we were trying to call them \[on my phone\]. Shivering in her running gear the whole time. Then the second he and her dad showed up, she fell apart.) I've been watching this race since 1977. I grew up here. This is the first time I've volunteered. I am going to go look for more runners now. Half the streets are shut and the subway's closed, runners can't find their bags or family or their way home. Update later. **update: 2 hrs post blast** they've finally diverted all the runners two blocks over. The remaining ones are coming in, 2 blocks over, to see a more organized setup with the mylar blankets and some of the waters, and they seem not as freaked out because they didn't hear/see the blast - they were miles away. But everybody's still pretty confused and stunned. The subway being shut is a huge problem - nobody can get back to the hotels they're staying at. I just had to tell a runner that she was going to have to walk another mile or so to get to the Red Line because the Green Line subway is closed. Taxis can't get in because so many streets are closed. Also some hotels that runners were staying at were closed off, that were right near the blast site. (edit: 3 hotels were evacuated because of bomb scares.) I just came back home to recharge my phone since it became apparent one of the most useful things I could provide to runners was a working phone. I am typing this up while it charges. While on the T a woman told me there have been bomb scares all over the city, at Tufts Medical and at the footbridge by the Prudential and she said bomb went off at the JFK library. Whole subway car got quiet when she said that. Don't know if that's just rumors. I'm going to give my phone a half hour to recharge, then go back with more layers (I got chilly), to see if I can help with anything. I signed up to volunteer to help runners, dammit, and I'm going to go help runners. **update 2:** I just remembered one of my Gatorade buddies was going to propose to his girlfriend at the finish line. I can't believe I forgot about this till now - we were all so excited about it! He showed us the ring and everything. And now I realize he would have been at the finish line right about the time the bombs went off. I have still not been able to verify that the couple is ok. I am kind of going nuts with worry about this to be honest. **update 9pm**: it's night now. I ended up working runner's bag pickup area for the last 4 hrs. Runners were stopped on course at least back to mile 21. I'm talking to a cop right now who said all runners who were not yet in Boston were sent to Boston College in a big group to wait for bus pickups. As of 8:30pm apparently there are still "about 500" runners still stuck there waiting for buses. We have THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS of bags here and can't figure out where the runners are. People's keys and phones are in the bags (we can hear the phones going off...) We've just spent 4 hrs trying to sort out 10,000 jumbled bags by bib number. They had to move the bags in a big frantic hurry and they got all jumbled. oh my god. you cannot imagine what a jigsaw puzzle this is. (I hurt my back slinging bags around, dammit) I found a pair of prosthetic feet that belong to one of the wheelchair racers. (Scott from Atlanta, I hope you got your feet back, I handcarried them myself to the VIP bag area.) It has become apparent that runners are still lost all over and stranded and are w/o their phones, keys, etc. We will be here all night with the bags since so many runners have not been able to pick up their stuff. **update 10pm** \- There's only me and 2 other volunteers left now and a bunch of BAA bigwig staff who are agonizing over things like, we have only 2 guys to stay overnight with 10,000 bags that are literally just lying on the street in heaps, and we didn't want to leave the 2 guys alone because there are no cops to help keep them safe, because all the Boston cops are elsewhere in the city checking out bomb scares. Finally at 9:30pm we managed to get some cops of our very own (might be Nat'l Guard? they're wearing camo, don't look like Boston cops). So I have headed home, will go back tomorrow early morning and stay all day. I know that reuniting runners with their bags is a little thing, but it is the thing that I can do to help, so that is what I am doing. I was going to take tomorrow off work to keep doing this; but just got an email that my work (New England Aquarium) is closed tomorrow in memoriam anyway. BTW the BAA (Boston Athletic Association, that organizes the marathon) guys are being so professional and trying to hold it together but you can see they are just heartbroken. It's strange, it's like we are focusing like crazy on stuff like "These bags over here are sorted all wrong!", so that we don't have to think about the people who died... Also - earlier a French-speaking runner came zooming by who hadn't understood what happened. Didn't realize he'd been diverted and was looking for the finish line and didn't see it so he kept running! Almost ran away over the Mass Pike! We (or rather, the bag guy next to me) had to chase after him and jump in front of him to stop him. He was so confused, poor guy. **update 11pm**: I've just learned from the Boston Globe that there was another bomb **NEXT TO ME**, right next to the Gatorade area, that did not go off and was later dismantled by authorities. So there's that. (edit: that report from the Boston Globe is unconfirmed, might be false) **update 11:30am Tues** \- city is making us move all runner bags to **110 Arlington** ("The Castle") **update 12:45pm Tues** \- bags are at the castle. National Guard guys have been so helpful moving the bags. **NONAMERICAN RUNNERS, PLEASE CALL YOUR EMBASSY TO CHECK IN.** We had runners from over 70 countries in this race - it's a very international event - and runners' families have been calling their embassies to try to verify they're ok, and the embassies have not been able to find all the runners. **update 4pm Tues**, we've been notified we have to move the bags again (sigh) at 7pm to BAA headquarters at 40 Trinity Place. Also , [here's](http://imgur.com/Esxgswb) the new finish line of the marathon, [closeup here](http://imgur.com/IeAuToU), ha. (newer update: finish line is [slightly fancier](http://imgur.com/H6JJ2LB) now, runners are taking photos of themselves crossing it. A whole ceremony has developed where the runner crosses the tiny finish line and we all clap and we put a medal around their neck - and then they burst into tears. Also: one runner is a teacher, he was running with a group of students, he suddenly started to cry when I gave him the medals for his students, and he told me a student's sister was waiting for the student at the finish line and is having her leg amputated right now. **update 10pm, last update** RUNNER BAGS ARE NOW AT THE BAA HEADQUARTERS at 40 Trinity Place. We just unloaded them. Runners - you can pick them up any time tomorrow. They still have about 500 unclaimed bags. I am exhausted, made it back home, looked online and saw [this](http://mashable.com/2013/04/16/yankees-red-sox-boston-bombings/) online and immediately started bawling. After all the events of the last 2 days the thing that makes me completely lose it is to see the New York Yankees offering support to the Boston Red Sox.... (non American redditors: this is one of the oldest and most intense sports rivalries in the USA) **finally:** Thanks so much to all redditors who offered me support. Thanks especially to the redditor who actually came to the bag area today after seeing my post & worked all day. (you know who you are, you are awesome!) I woke up to a ton of a reddit gold, thanks all, I don't need more, please consider giving blood, donating to the Red Cross or even volunteering for the Red Cross (the Red Cross has been here all day feeding us and taking care of us. I've never personally been a beneficiary of their disaster relief before and I've got to say, they are awesome, and it made me want to work for them. Just the fact that THEY BROUGHT HOT FOOD TO US was so incredibly useful.). ALSO! Please consider volunteering for your local marathon so we can keep this sport going!! Marathons really depend on volunteers and are going to need all our support in the future. Thank you all **HAPPY UPDATE**: My Gatorade-volunteer friend who was planning to propose to his girlfriend is ok, she's ok too (she was stopped before the finish), and they got engaged! [story here](https://nesn.com/2013/04/amid-boston-marathon-tragedy-runners-boyfriend-brings-moment-of-happiness/) \--- **(Look for the helpers) Tuesday April 16, 2013 (6:56 UTC)** [Soft fluffy therapy dog at the Boston Marathon runners' bag pickup area today](https://www.reddit.com/r/aww/comments/1ch89m/soft_fluffy_therapy_dog_at_the_boston_marathon/) ([r/aww](https://www.reddit.com/r/aww))

FlipDaly

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z07mz2/im_volunteering_at_the_finish_line_at_boston_for/

z07mz2

What are the appropriate clothes for a nanny to wear to work?

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This is not my story. The original post is from a mom. She and her husband are interviewing for a nanny. The second post is from the prospective nanny. Tagged as concluded because: >!the nanny does not take that job!< —— [**AITA for expecting a nanny to dress appropriately?**](https://www.unddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ycfn1v/aita_for_expecting_a_nanny_to_dress_appropriately/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) submitted October 24, 2022 by u/newtoreddit1239 to r/AmItheAsshole I (43f) am currently searching for a nanny for my children. My son is 5 and my daughter is 11. We found one young lady yesterday that seemed like a great fit. We interviewed her in our home and explained our careers (I’m a lawyer, my husband is a trainer) and told explained everything to her. She seemed happy with everything, was kind to us and no issues there. The problem came when I spoke to her about the dress code I expected. I noticed she had on leggings with a sweater today which I guess was okay since she wasn’t working but I would’ve expected a little more for an interview. However I told her I expect that she will not be wearing athletic wear while she tends to the children (I.e. no leggings, yoga pants, sweats, etc) she kind of laughed and said “so what do you want me to wear?” & my husband laughed but I was serious. I told her that type of clothing is inappropriate since she’s not working out, she’s working. She seemed put off and said that’s what she normally wears & if she’s going to be active with the kids she needs to be dressed comfortably. I told her what the expectations were and she said she understands & left. Later on she told me she doesn’t think this will work out. Was I wrong for setting expectations? I don’t think it’s okay to walk around in tight clothing with my son and husband present, plus she should be dressed like she’s working she’s a professional. A teacher would not dress that way. My husband said I was overreacting. AITA? [**A potential MB posted about me on AITA & it got reposted here a bunch**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Nanny/comments/ydghfc/a_potential_mb_posted_about_me_on_aita_it_got/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) submitted October 25, 2022 by u/lalalalaloveme to r/Nanny Sooo if you saw yesterday there was a post circulating about an MB saying leggings & yogas are inappropriate to wear for nanny work. She was actually talking about me lol so it was cool to see so many people confirm that yea I was right to not take the job 😭 I do currently have a position and was only looking for something jic because I thought my family wouldn’t need me anymore. They worked things out so if anyone was wondering yes I’m employed & fine! The interview was super bizzare. FIRST of all my leggings & sweater were cute & I paired it with some cute boots so idk why she was coming for me lol She was super weird about me directing any conversation towards her husband & vise versa. I asked what he did for work & she cut me off to answer for him, we started talking about sports bc he knew a coach at the college I comp cheered for & she like got mad. Her daughter seemed super quiet & nice & her son was wild af. It was the weirdest energy ever. I did laugh when she made the comment about the clothes because I genuinely thought she was joking. Her husband even said to her she was out of line & I just left because it was getting awkward. She was super misogynistic & weird. Like her husband wasn’t even misogynistic from the vibe I got. Anyway funny experience & she also posted in a mom group in my area. Weirdo woman lol —— Again, not my story.

BORU_Lover

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z07o37/what_are_the_appropriate_clothes_for_a_nanny_to/

z07o37

DNA solves a family mystery: John R Raney -> James Phillip Rusconi

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[removed]

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z07oac/dna_solves_a_family_mystery_john_r_raney_james/

z07oac

DNA solves a family mystery: John R Raney -> James Phillip Rusconi

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FlipDaly

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z07pfp/dna_solves_a_family_mystery_john_r_raney_james/

z07pfp

OOP’s stepson is in love with her daughter

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**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/stepkidsthrowaway_19 in r/stepparents** trigger warning: >!non-consensual voyeurism!< ---   [**Marriage Falling Apart - Awful Situation - Stepson loves my daughter**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/comments/agfef2/marriage_falling_apart_awful_situation_stepson/) - 16 January 2019 Throwaway account for obvious reasons. My primary account has too much identifying information and wanted to be as anonymous as possible. Only people within this household know what’s going on. My husband and I have been married for almost 12 years. We were both previously married before we met and I came into the marriage with 2 daughters and he came into the marriage with 2 sons. We have one 11 year old son between us. My daughter’s are age 20 and 18 and my stepsons are ages 19 and 17, so the older kids are all essentially 1 year apart. Both stepsons have lived out of state with their mother until a little over a year ago, my younger stepson wanted to move in with us, which was fine and great, he’s a good kid and wanted to attend public school after being homeschooled his whole life. My 18 year old daughter and him are both seniors in high school and attend the same school. They have (what I thought) was a very close sibling bond. They drive to school together, take some of the same classes, have some of the same extra circular activities. They get along great. Recently stepson has been moody and depressed and said he is unable to sleep at night because he has too much running through his mind. Husband took him to see a doctor about it and doctor diagnosed him with anxiety and depression. Husband tried to talk with him more about what’s on his mind, and stepson confesses he has feelings for a girl and can’t stop thinking about it and worried she didn’t feel the same way. Husband told him to just tell the girl how he feels, put it out there, see what she says. So....he did. Last night stepson told my daughter he has feelings for her and has for quite a while. My head is not clear and I can’t recall at this moment exactly what was written, but daughter showed me the Snapchat messages which she didn’t want to screenshot (because stepson would know), so I saw them once before they disappeared into the Snapchat void. I immediately told my husband, who then went to speak with stepson about the situation and basically told him it was wrong. Understandably, my daughter feels emotionally violated. She has lost all trust in him and no longer feels comfortable around him. We have had to essentially keep them separated the past 24 hours because stepson feels horribly awkward and daughter is experiencing some trauma over it. It is an extremely uncomfortable situation for all involved. Here is where it goes downhill. In MY eyes (and my daughter’s) this is disgusting and perverted. I truly apologize if that offends anyone, that is not my intention. I am having a very difficult time looking at stepson the same way now. My first reaction was to send him straight back to his mother, but didn’t say so and just kept my mouth shut. Husband and I had time to sleep on it and talk more about it today, and turns out he sees nothing wrong with the situation and says “people love who they love, who am I to judge”. I do not feel this way. I am protective of my daughter and her feelings. Husbands parents feel the same way he does. I was raised in a family that would NOT think this is ok on any level. Keep in mind daughter and stepson have been raised as siblings, basically - since they were each 4 years old. It’s not like they just met or became step-siblings recently. It is clear husband and I will NOT agree on whether this is right or wrong. We need a therapist STAT to help us navigate this or our 12 year marriage and 15 year relationship is going to be destroyed. The tension in this house right now is worse than anything I have experienced in my lifetime. Please help me - am I being completely unreasonable in the way I am viewing this? Am I making a big to-do about nothing? How do I handle this? How do I protect my fainter without alienating my stepson? I will also be cross-posting to parenting and relationships subs. I need all of the help I can get right now. Thank you in advance for any advice or support, or just real-talk you can give.   [**I should have listened to my gut instincts.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/comments/clqx6o/i_should_have_listened_to_my_gut_instincts/) - 4 August 2019 I posted here exactly 200 days ago about my stepson confessing his love to my daughter. You can see the original post through my profile, it’s very detailed. I had also posted the same topic on the Parenting sub and the majority of the responses I got were that there wasn’t anything gross or creepy about my stepson telling my daughter he loved her. In fact every adult we talked to about this incident wrote it off to “normal teenage boy hormones”. I vehemently disagreed, but decided to heed all of the advice we got from outside sources (not just Reddit) and move past it. I shouldn’t have done that. Here is the update with the basic pertinent background information included for those that don’t recall. Husband and I have been married/together for almost 15 years. We were both previously married and he brought two sons (ages 19 and 17 years old) into the marriage and I brought two daughters (ages 20 and 18 years old). We have one son together who is 12 years old. Up until two years ago, both of his sons lived with their mother in another state and my daughters and our young son lived with us. His youngest son (17 years old, turning 18 years old in 26 days) moved in with us two years ago. It has been a very rocky road for everyone adjusting to him living here. Before moving in, he was homeschooled his whole life and VERY much sheltered from the real world by his mother, as much as humanly possible. He is extremely socially awkward and has no idea how to make friends or interact with people whatsoever, despite our best efforts to help him. Because he and my 18 year old daughter were in the same grade (Juniors when he moved in, they just graduated in June), she basically became “responsible” for him as his only friend inside and outside of school. She has hated it all along and I don’t blame her, but my husband feels sorry for his son because he is incapable of having the social skills that most kids that age have. This past winter, our family was in turmoil after stepson sent a text to my daughter one night telling her he was in love with her. Understandably, every ounce of trust she had in him was destroyed and she felt violated and disgusted. My immediate reaction was that stepson needed to get out of this house and move back with his mother because my daughter would never feel comfortable around him again and neither would I. EVERY adult we talked to about this said that I was making a bigger deal out of it than needed to be and that we needed to address the situation and move on from it. So despite my instincts telling me otherwise, that is what we did. Two days ago, my daughter texted me asking me to come to her room immediately. When I go upstairs she is sobbing hysterically and tells me (and shows me) that stepson had placed his phone in her room while she was in the shower and was recording video of her getting dressed after she went back to her room from the bathroom. She went though his phone and found he has been doing this for quite some time because there were NUMEROUS videos of her changing and undressing dating back to at least 6 months ago. He had been putting his phone in there while she was showering and then after she leaves her room once she dresses, he would sneak in and grab his phone back. Many videos of her completely naked. I told husband the kid needed to get the fuck out of my house NOW. That even I didn’t feel comfortable with him here. Husband once again played the “he’s my son, I can’t just throw him out” card. I said bullshit to that, stepson is a mentally ill pervert and I will not have him in this house as long as my daughter or I are here. That trust is gone and he absolutely disgusts me now. I took his phone from my daughter and he will NOT be getting it back. Now husband and I are at major odds because although husband admits what he did is sick and unacceptable, he’s responsible for him as a minor and can’t just throw him out and get rid of him like trash, even by sending him back to his mother. The next morning, husband had time to sleep on it and realized I was right, we need to protect my daughter and she is at risk as long as stepson stays in this house. Within 8 hours of the incident I took my daughter and left the state for a week of vacation that had already been planned, though we were not supposed to leave for a few more days. In the meantime, husband spoke with stepsons mother and she agreed he needs to go back to her. He has a stepsister there too, so I am truly concerned for that household as well. I wanted to call the police, press charges, but he is a minor and my daughter is 18 so husband was of the impression that it would basically be like pressing charges on HIM since stepson is not yet 18. I have purchased a one-way ticket back to his mother’s, he will be gone before we get home from vacation. She is going to get him some mental health treatment , if that’s what he needs. I cannot and will not ever trust stepson again. He is not showing he is remorseful about what he did, he’s remorseful he got caught. He has continued to lie about EVERYTHING since getting caught. He admitted he did it, but said it was only a few times and only started to do it recently. I have video evidence that proves otherwise. So basically what I want to say is, if you ever have a situation like the one we had 200 days ago, don’t blow it off and chalk it up to hormones or let anyone tell you it’s not unnatural or unusual. I wish I had listened to my gut at the time. I hate to think how much more this could have progressed if we hadn’t found the camera. My daughter is going to need a LOT of therapy to overcome this. He is a sexual predator plain and simple.   [**I’m the one who’s stepson was secretly filming my daughter nude. Here is an update.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/comments/lirmy3/im_the_one_whos_stepson_was_secretly_filming_my/) - 13 February 2021 Hi. It’s been about a year and a half now since I last posted AND since we last saw my stepsons. Here is the update. We haven’t seen either of my stepsons since the one who violated our trust was put on a plane back to his mother. The reason for this is, our request was that he could not return to our home UNTIL he had been properly evaluated by a healthcare professional and received appropriate therapy and/or counseling. To this day, this still has not happened. Not ONE single appointment for the eval OR counseling. She is putting it in God’s hands. I am not even kidding. That is the truth of it. Stepsons are now 21 and 19. The one who didn’t live with us is welcome anytime, and has been told this many times. He chooses not to visit and rarely has contact my husband over text. He’s always been that way, despite our efforts. Note: In the 16 years since she and my husband divorced, neither boy has been to a doctor or dentist ONE SINGLE TIME unless they were with us. We saw them once or twice per year. My daughter is doing absolutely amazing. Within a month of the big blowup, she got a job and was promoted to manager within a few weeks. She work extremely hard and bought herself a brand new car and moved into her own apartment in a REALLY fancy, new apartment complex. She’s happy and thriving and making her way through life and we couldn’t be more proud and relieved.   **Message from OP:** >I’m not sure why my comments won’t show up. But this is what I posted: > >So - I am (obviously) the OP. Reading through these comments are pretty soul crushing. There are a lot of assumptions and misconceptions and admittedly, a lot of that is my own fault for failing to effectively describe in text the entire history of our family and the situation at hand. > >The first misconception that I want to clear up is that husband and I met about one year after my divorce and while he was going through his divorce. We were friends (yes, seriously) for quite some time before we started dating. He fought HARD to keep his ex from moving across the country with the boys, until he had exhausted every financial source he could to keep paying a lawyer. With husband being active duty, the courts favored his ex in the state we lived in and allowed the ex to move with the kids. He tried in vain to get orders to PCS to the same state as his boys, but was denied. It was because of the distance that he only was able to see the boys a few times per year plus the fact that the court order made him financially responsible for all travel to and from visits. On a military income, he wasn’t exactly living the high life so he (we, once married) did everything we could with the income we had. However, because these visits were just a few times a year, we would have them for long periods of time (summers we would have them 3 months and typically 6-8 weeks in December/January and another 6-8 weeks in March/April). Hopefully that clears up the confusion about how often or how much time the boys spent in our home before stepson moved in with us. > >The next thing I want to address is how I come across as the evil stepmother the way I talk about my stepson in my first 2 posts. The first post about him confessing his feelings for my daughter - I was definitely in a state of shock and confusion when I wrote it and was trying to navigate completely unknown territory and putting more faith in the advice from people we trust than we should have in our own gut feelings. We absolutely blame ourselves for that. The second post was written IMMEDIATELY following the incident and it was very fresh, everyone was still reeling and in shock and we were too ashamed and embarrassed of the situation to tell anyone we knew at all, so I came to Reddit as an outlet. Everything I wrote was definitely “heat of the moment”, which is why I tried to clear things up in the comments and by writing a follow-up/update post. > >The biggest assumption I see is that we never got mental health therapy/help for my stepson when he moved in. This is absolutely false. He was in therapy for almost the entire first year he lived with us. He had made really great improvements in that time and approached us asking if he could be finished with therapy for the time being because he felt really good and felt like therapy had helped a lot. You have to understand that him living with us was an informal arrangement, not legal. His ex still had primary physical custody and joint legal custody and a condition of him coming to live with us was that it remain “informal”. We had to have his ex’s agreement for anything medical or education related. If we had forced the issue and made him continue, he would have got mom involved and she would have put a stop to that right away (I say this in hindsight because again, he seemed to have had a lot of growth emotionally. > >Lastly, I’m happy to answer questions if things aren’t clear or don’t make sense. I admit I don’t piece stories together well and that is attributed to a TBI I suffered several years ago which causes my mind to race and I tend to jump around from one thought to the next when trying to explain things and so they don’t always come out in the right order. I do the best I can.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z07vo6/oops_stepson_is_in_love_with_her_daughter/

z07vo6

AITA for sticking up for my husband after a fight with my daughter?

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**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/LifeHuckleberry9529 r/AmItheAsshole** trigger warnings: >!Emotional abuse!< >!Physical Abuse!< mood spoilers: >!not great!< --- https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u5gntx/aita_for_sticking_up_for_my_husband_after_a_fight/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf -17th April, 2022 AITA for sticking up for my husband after a fight with my daughter? I F42 have a daughter F17 who came to me recently crying saying her father hadn’t talked to her in 10 days after a fight they had gotten into about politics. She felt really hurt and said that he hadn’t talked to her and ignored her even during a major event when she tried to speak to him. She said that he always does things like that and has to be right or he gets mad when things don’t go his way. But I don’t see it like that and think my husband is a wonderful man. He provides for us and gives us everything we want, he does have a few flaws but that’s human. I told my daughter that she shouldn’t have talked to him about things like that and expected another reaction from him and to be more respectful. However, she says that I never take her side and always defend her my husband no matter what but in my opinion he’s right most of the time and she needs to be more understanding. Now she’s calling me an asshole for never sticking up for her and I don’t know if I’m in the wrong or not. Am I the asshole for sticking up for my husband and saying she’s wrong? Edit: updated https://www.reddit.com/user/LifeHuckleberry9529/comments/uavnqp/aita_for_sticking_up_for_my_husband_after_a_fight/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf -24th April, 2022 AITA for sticking up for my husband after a fight (update) Hi everyone this isn’t really an update exactly but I wanted to let everyone know that I wrote that post as my mother and how she reacts to things I tell her regarding my father. She’s never really been on my side whenever anything happens regardless of who it is. Especially if it’s my father. That incident took place two years ago when I was 15 and to be fair to my mother, she did talk to him about not speaking to me for 10 days. My parents are cruel human beings who have done much much worse to me than this. This is actually one of the much more tamer situations. Aside from emotional abuse there also used to be physical abuse but then I started standing up for myself and so she stopped. Sadly she’s still extremely manipulated by my father and he can do no wrong in her eyes no matter what it is. My father has called me a prostitute, whore, bitch and basically every insult you could think of and so has my mother. It sucks but I’m waiting until I’m old enough to go to uni so I can get away from my house Anywayyy thank you to everyone who was defending me in the comments! And please don’t think I’m condescending cause I’m really not I just used to talk about politics with him in the hope of him changing his views since that party directly hurts my community. I appreciate the support though thank you! **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

RealDoraTheExplorer_

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z087w1/aita_for_sticking_up_for_my_husband_after_a_fight/

z087w1

OOP - I got my 75yr old dad a shroom trip for his birthday.

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**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/SpicyYellowBanana **in** r/offmychest *Just a short and sweet post*   trigger warnings: >!Shrooms!< mood spoilers: >!Heartwarming!<   [**I got my 75yr old dad a shroom trip for his birthday.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/tcpodu/i_got_my_75yr_old_dad_a_shroom_trip_for_his/) \- 13th March 2022 My dad has never done a drug in his life. In fact, we grew up in a pretty religious household. No drinking, no drugs. Ever. A few months ago I watched ‘Fantastic Fungi’ on Netflix. It’s really good. Pretty amazing little organisms and as my dad is a scholar, I suggested he watch it. Afterwards, my dad said that he would really like to try them. His birthday is tomorrow so my husband and I planned for my hubs to take my mom out for a date day (she would worry too much). In fact, my siblings are also pretty strict so wouldn’t understand and we couldn’t bring them in on it. I can’t tell anyone for obvious reasons (although we do live in a marijuana friendly state - getting there!). My dad is currently downstairs, curled up in blankets in his favourite recliner, candle burning, listening to his second hour of Enya. He has the dog in his lap, an eye mask on and the biggest grin I’ve EVER seen. I’m checking in on him constantly. Happy birthday dad! ​ **UPDATE - Few hours later** So many responses and one one negative. That surprises me more than anything. Are we on the verge of acceptance and understanding? As for my dads trip: he loved it. He thinks everyone should try it once in their lives. He went through so many phases (as expected) from yawning to giggling, to seeing and hallucinating, to crying, to feeling and understanding experiences (his own and others). His biggest take away was the warmth and understanding. As many have said, you don’t know until you’ve been there. He feels as though he understood what God really was and was amazed as the entire experience. He doesn’t regret any part of it and is happy it happened now. He’s at a time of his life of reflection and is open to understanding. My mother on the other hand…she was brought back about 5.5hrs after my dad started his journey. I told her right away as my dad was relaxing as he came out of it all. She was not happy. Too uptight and would never be a candidate for such an experience. She’s been checking in him every 10mins or so and wouldn’t have been a calming influence to have around. He’s totally fine now though of course. My name is mud for a bit. 10/10 would do again for him.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

raredontstare

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z09t7k/oop_i_got_my_75yr_old_dad_a_shroom_trip_for_his/

z09t7k

"Landlord told us it was in our best interest to not let the building inspector in. So we let the building inspector in." A conclusion to the walled off gas meter story!

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Myrandall

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z09tkb/landlord_told_us_it_was_in_our_best_interest_to/

z09tkb

AITA for making my husband choose between me and his son?

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**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/perspectivesuitable in r/amitheasshole** **I’ve obtained permission from OP to repost this.** trigger warnings: >!suicide, assault, animal cruelty!< ---   [**AITA for making my husband choose between me and his son?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gx5he9/aita_for_making_my_husband_choose_between_me_and/) - 5 June 2020 I (39f) am married to Dave (44m), and he has a son named Avery (19m) and an ex wife named Dianna (42f.) Avery has always been hostile towards me, and blamed me for his parents’ divorce, despite his dad not meeting me until three years after. I have tried my best to spend time with Avery, and I’ve been respectful of all the boundaries he set with me. Avery still hates me. It was fine with me, as long as he didn’t treat me like shit because he hates me. Well, Avery started treating me like shit when he found out his dad was marrying me. He threw a fit, saying his dad needed his permission before marrying me, and that he wouldn’t come to the wedding. His dad and I let it slide, and sat down with Avery and Dianna to try and figure out why he was upset. It didn’t work, and Avery refused to see us until the wedding. At Dave and I’s wedding, Avery objected to us being married in front of everyone, and asked to make a speech in front of everyone later in the night. In his ‘speech,’ he told everyone what a horrible person I was, and that I was responsible for his parents’ divorce, and that I was a dirty homewrecker. Dave drove Avery back to Dianna’s, but the damage was done, and several wedding guests assumed Avery was telling the truth. My wedding night was ruined because of this, and a good part of my family refuses to speak to me despite me explaining to them that this was not the case. Avery has continued to treat me like shit since then. He got mad at me once, so he dropped my cat off at a shelter two towns over, and refused to tell me where he was until he’d been put down. I wanted to keep my wedding dress after the wedding, and he tore it to shreds. (Just two examples, I’ll give more if anyone wants them) Finally, Wednesday, Dave and I had Avery over for dinner because Avery actually wanted to come. Long story short, when I went to get dessert and Dave wasn’t there, Avery confronted me in the kitchen and began screaming at me and told me that I was a horrible person, as well as some other not-so-nice things. Dave eventually came in, Avery left, and I got pissed. I told Dave that I was tired of his son constantly attacking me and treating me like shit because of something he knows didn’t happen, and that I’d put up with his bullshit for the last six years. I told him that he had to make a choice between me and Avery, because I wasn’t putting up with Avery’s shit any longer, and if it was a requirement of being married to Dave, I’d be filing for divorce. Dave told me it wasn’t fair to make him make this decision, and I told him it might not have been fair, but it wasn’t fair of him to let his son harass and attack me for years. AITA for making my husband choose between me and his son? Verdict: NTA **Edit 1:** I’ve told Dave that I didn’t want to be around Avery several times, and got ignored. I was told that we’d go to therapy to try and sort things out and it never happened. **Edit 2:** I don’t know why Avery blames me for the divorce. If your question is about that, I can’t answer you.   [**[AL] How do I divorce my husband?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/hfdes3/al_how_do_i_divorce_my_husband/) - 25 June 2020 I (39f) want to file for divorce from my husband (44m) who has kept me in an abusive situation for the last six years. My husband has never put his hands on me, but has allowed his son (19m) to abuse me for the entire time we’ve been together. His son started out with screaming at me constantly whenever I was around him, and then it went to destroying my things as well as my cat. Eventually, it got to where he began threatening to harm me, and actually harming me. To make a long story short, my husband’s son stabbed me about two weeks ago, and after getting out of the hospital, I ran. I know I’m not safe with my husband anymore. I’ve been too much of a pushover to his son, and my husband refuses to protect me. It’s going to end up with his son killing me, so I’m doing what I can to protect myself. I’m working on getting a restraining order against his son, and I need to know how to divorce my husband. I’ve never been divorced, I never wanted to be divorced, and I have no clue how to even start filing for divorce. So my question is how do I divorce my husband?   [**An update**](https://www.reddit.com/user/PerspectiveSuitable/comments/i1apk4/an_update/) - 31 July 2020 Since AITA doesn’t allow violence, this update is being posted to my profile. To start: about two weeks after my post on AITA, Avery stabbed me. Dave allowed him over to spend time with him, and I was making myself lunch. To make a long story short, Avery grabbed a knife from the knife block, and I had to be rushed to the hospital. Filed a police report, there wasn’t enough evidence to make an arrest, and Dave was *furious* with me. As soon as I was released, I ran. (I’m currently staying with my sister and am safe, thank you, everyone who asked :) ) I filed for divorce, and I’m working on getting a restraining order. I’m also going to work on getting myself into therapy once the world isn’t going batshit, though that might take a while. I definitely need it. To those who told me that I made the post up for karma— thank you, it was totally obviously made up for karma/s Also, to those who are calling me just as bad for not leaving right away (Specifically Joe Nanamous in the comment section of Mr. Dessert Fox’s video on my post): I know. (Now, at least) I’m a huge fucking pushover, and way too much of an optimist for my own good. I’ll answer some questions from various places, specifically the aita post. I would have answered them there, but the post was locked because people can’t be civil. -What age was Avery when you (Dave and I) got married? He was 17. I met Dave (and Avery) when he was 13, I dated Dave for four years, and have been married to Dave for two years. -How did Avery just drop my cat off at a shelter? The shelters around where I live are high kill. My guess is that he dropped my cat off and claimed he was a stray. Then he waited a month, and told me that he was the one who got rid of my cat. -What aren’t you telling? (You’ve left out a lot of the story, you won’t tell anyone what you’ve done that is probably just as bad, etc.) Here’s what I left out: When I met Avery, I was very upfront with him. I told him I wasn’t his mom, and I wouldn’t act like his mom. Then he started becoming hostile and openly hateful of me. At first, it was just him screaming and throwing tantrums, and stealing little things— like things from my small snack stash, little trinkets of mine, small gifts his dad sometimes got me, etc. Then it went to him destroying things, like taking photos off the wall and throwing them against the ground as hard as he could, sticking things into the garbage disposal, dumping makeup into the toilet, and eventually stabbing the couch with a pair of scissors. Eventually, it turned to full on threats. I lost my temper with him every so often, and would call Dianna in front of him to tell her about what he was doing. The most “parenting” I would do was send him to his room if he was destroying something. When he dropped my cat off at the shelter, I screamed at him and cried. I told him he was a horrible person. After he fucked up my wedding, the next time I saw him, I asked him what the fuck he was doing, and got in a screaming match with him. So to sum up the answer to that question: not much. I can count on one hand the amount of times I’ve actually been mean to him (as in sending him to his room or getting in a screaming match with him) It was left out because of the character limit of the AITA post. -Why did Dave and Dianna divorce? When Dianna came to visit me in the hospital, I asked, and this is her answer: Dave wouldn’t be a parent to Avery (as in he wanted to be more of Avery’s friend than a parent) and he was never home. (Dave works from around 6 in the morning to 6 in the evening, and passes out pretty quickly after he gets home.) -Why didn’t I leave after my cat was put down? No clue. I should’ve left. -How did Avery get the mic to make a toast after objecting? Dave thought his precious angel was just having a hard time, and would shape up. I’ll answer any other questions if you have them. I’ve been asked to update, so... here’s the update.   [**Update #2**](https://www.reddit.com/user/PerspectiveSuitable/comments/o79rv2/update_2/) - 24 June 2021 Officially been divorced for three months and just got my restraining order against the jackasses crazy kid, who is currently waiting for a court date BECAUSE HE BROKE INTO HIS MOTHER’S HOUSE. Avery tried getting into Dianna’s gun safe and got caught on camera doing it. I’m far away from it all, and I’m glad at this point.   [**Update #3?**](https://www.reddit.com/user/PerspectiveSuitable/comments/x0vakr/update_3/) - 29 August 2022 I’ll be honest and say that I completely forgot about this account. I came back to thirty something notifications, so I figured someone might still be interested in how things ended up turning out. Sorry if it’s not the most interesting update. Dave apparently ended up dating someone else after our divorce was finalized. Found out via facebook. He stayed with this woman for about two months, and then they broke up. I actually happen to know the reason why, because she made a post on her own account. Avery showed up at her house threatening to kill her while he was drunk. This happened at around the same time he got caught trying to steal Dianna’s gun from her safe, so I’m just going to put two and two together and say that I think I know why he went for the gun. Avery ended up being arrested for it, though I don’t think he was charged with anything; if he was, I don’t think he had to serve any time. This happened about a year ago, and about three months ago I got a call from Dianna. We didn’t talk much after I left, because I believe she figured it would be easier for me to not have to hear about any of that anymore. Avery died. His death was called a suicide, though they’re not exactly sure if that’s the case. It happened at a party, and that’s what everyone else said apparently. Somehow, he ended up with with some handgun and they think he shot himself. I’m not sure I totally believe that, but I don’t want to think about it too much. It’s definitely plausible. Avery spiraled pretty badly after I ran. (If you can call it that) I feel somewhat sorry for Dave, but I mostly feel sorry for Dianna. Their kid was an awful human being, but they didn’t deserve to go through the pain of losing him. No matter how I felt about him and the awful things he did to me, I couldn’t bring myself to feel happy that he died. I mean, I’m relieved, if that makes sense. But I’m not happy about it. It feels like it would be wrong to be happy about it. I did end up getting myself into therapy after I got settled. I’ve been looking back at some of the things I wrote when it was all initially going on, and honestly I’m kind of alarmed with how little I reacted to the things that were happening. I feel like I was just exhausted at the time. I brought it up to my therapist, and she told me it was probably just my way of trying to not break down with everything happening around me. But I’m in a much better place now. I’m looking into getting myself a new cat, and I’ve even opened myself up to the idea of dating again. I will say one more thing now that I’ve had time to really process it- everyone who used my posts in their youtube videos as content can go fuck themselves. I’m not going to go hunt down every video that has my posts in them, but you’re really despicable for taking the things I’ve said and trying to profit off of it. The things that were said about me were disgusting and vile, and should not be said about anybody. That being said, I don’t think there will be another update. I might post some pictures of my new cat, but I’m happy to say that the chapter of my life with Dave and Avery in it is over and far behind me.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.** **I’ve obtained permission from OP to repost this.**

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z09wix/aita_for_making_my_husband_choose_between_me_and/

z09wix

AITA For not taking care of my sisters baby?

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[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yu6k06/aita_for_not_taking_care_of_my_sisters_baby/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) posted on Nov 13, 2022 by [u/throw\_it\_away5511](https://www.reddit.com/user/throw_it_away5511/) I know the title sounds awful…but no other way to say it. Also, I’m writing this on mobile so excuse errors. I, 18f have a sister 24f who just gave birth to my nephew who’s about 3 months old. To preface the situation, I do not know how to properly care for a baby, the formula ratios, how to change and clean them, nothing. I have no experience with children at all. To the story: My sister comes to my moms house (where I live) to ask my mom to watch the baby for a while so she can go get some groceries. I tell her that my mom isn’t home and won’t be until late since she was part of a friends wedding party. My sister then asks me to watch the baby, and I tell her that while I can keep a physical eye on the baby, I’m ill equipped to actually take care of him. I ask my sister if he’s been fed and changed and she says yes, so I agree to watch the baby for an hour while she goes to the store. I reiterated before she left that I would not be feeding, changing, wiping or otherwise tending to the baby, only to watching him while he laid in his car seat. This way, my sister would be back before he needed anything. My sister was gone for 2 hours, and the baby started to get fussy so I called her. She asked me to watch him for another 3 hours while she got her nails done, and I reminded her that I have no idea WTF I’m doing and I can’t get him to stop crying. At this point the baby is screaming and I’ve tried everything I know how, even a sloppy attempt at a diaper change. So I tell my sister that I’d be calling the police for neglect, as she expected me to take care of a baby and I’ve barely even held kids in my life. My sister rushes to my moms house and calls me an AH for not taking care of the baby, says I’m lazy and if I was a decent aunt, I’d be trying to learn how to help. I kind of feel bad, because I know new moms don’t get enough time to themselves and my sisters husband works a lot to support them both…but I genuinely don’t know what I’m doing with a baby. AITA here? EDIT: I see a lot of people saying the car seat isn’t safe for sleeping, and I’m not sure but it’s one of those stroller thingies that turns into a car seat that turns into a sleeping thingy? It was fixed to be safe for sleep before I took the baby, according to my sister. Also, he wasn’t left in there for hours, because after about 45 minutes he woke up and started to fuss, at which point I rocked him and he fell back asleep on me. At hour and 30 minute mark was when he started getting really upset, and I called my sister 15 mins after because he wouldn’t stop. Also, changing a diaper seemed simple enough, and I would’ve been successful if I had a normal diaper, but my sister has some crazy new tech cloth diaper with like 4 straps…I had never seen it before and thus would not know how to put it on. Yes, I know how to hold a baby and about the neck. Give me more credit jeez 😂 Also I DID GO ON YOUTUBE!! Do you think I wanted the baby to be screaming in my ear? I actually DID go online and try to look up how to do formula properly but I didn’t have anything to mix it with and according to the internet the bubbles give them stomach issues when you shake the bottle, and you can’t leave clumps and if your water isn’t filtered it’s bad, and I don’t have a water filter in my house…and then I saw all the warnings on the back of the formula can and I was like you know what….idk wtf I’m doing. I’m more than willing to learn - I have no issue with babies. My sister knows this. Verdict : NTA UPDATE in the same post. UPDATE : My mom came home from the wedding and I told her what happened. She put me in the car and took me to my sisters house. My mom yelled at my sister, called her a terrible mother, told her if anything like this ever happened again she’d be calling the police and made her apologize. I also found out that my sister KNEW my mom wasn’t available and her whole plan was to trick me into watching the baby. My sisters husband was FURIOUS at her, and also apologized to me. I spoke with my sister and mom and BIL and we’re getting my sister evaluated for PPD (because leaving your baby with an incapable teen is so irresponsible she must be crazy - husbands words not mine) and I’ll be actually learning how to help with the baby. Thanks for all the kind words!

newww_heree

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z0a13e/aita_for_not_taking_care_of_my_sisters_baby/

z0a13e

AITA for ‘selling out’ on my Grandma’s secret recipe?

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[removed]

synesthesiah

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z0ao08/aita_for_selling_out_on_my_grandmas_secret_recipe/

z0ao08

OOP - I’m going to have an abortion because my (ex)fiancé cheated.

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I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/bothad7527 in r/offmychest. TW - >!infidelity, abortion (it's in the title)!< [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/y8gnhw/im_going_to_have_an_abortion_because_my_exfiancé/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (20 Oct 22) **I’m going to have an abortion because my (ex)fiancé cheated** I’m 29f and he’s 31m. We’ve were together for 7 years and engaged for 9 months. Too keep a long story short, I found out my fiancé was cheating on me when I was about 10 weeks. He has slept with multiple women for what looks like at least the last two years. I never wanted children but he really wanted to be a father. After the initial shock of finding out he was cheating, I had to think rationally. Could I really let myself be tied down to this man for the rest of my life? Could I trust him to raise a child with me? The answer was no. I gave him the best years of my life, and I wasn’t going to give him anymore. I knew I’d resent the child. I just wanted to move on and never see him again. I told him I was going to get an abortion. He begged me not to. He apologised and said we could work it out and all he wants is to raise a family together. He swore I’d be a great mom and he’d be a great dad. He said even if we didn’t work out he’d be there 100% for the child and that he could be the one with full custody and I could have visitation. I told him that my mind was made up and that he should’ve thought about that before cheating. He threatened to sue me if I went through with it. My parents weren’t on board either. They say they’re pro choice but think that me getting an abortion is purely for revenge and not “for the right reasons.” I don’t know. Maybe it is maybe it’s not. I can’t t have a child with this man. Not after this. I can’t do it. I can’t even carry the baby and give him full custody. Why should I put my body through that after what he did? Why would I give him what he wants after he’s ruined me? It’s scheduled for next Friday. There’s not a doubt in my mind that this is what I should do. No one but my sisters and close friends seem to agree with me. My male friends are against it. My (ex)fiancé is still begging me not to and I know he’s speaking to a lawyer. The next week isn’t going to be easy but I’ll do what I have to. I gave this man the best years of my life. I gave him everything I had and everything I could. For 7 years I’ve loved him unconditionally. I cannot have this child with him. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/yrhfce/update_im_having_an_abortion_because_my_ex_fiancé/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (12 Nov 22) **Update: I’m having an abortion because my ex fiancé cheated.** Hey guys. A lot of people have been asking for an update, so here it is. Thank you for the support on my last post, it means a lot. I had the abortion almost two weeks ago. I had stupidly told my ex when my appointment was, so he was outside the clinic with a group of pro lifers. They were yelling at me, saying I’m a murderer and that the baby has a loving father and I dont need to do this. My ex was crying and calling me a murderer and begging me not to go through with it. What’s crazy is that he has never been pro life in our whole relationship. When roe v wade got overturned, he was just as disgusted as me. My parents too have always said they’re pro choice but they have not supported my decision at all and haven’t spoken to me since the abortion. I guess everyone’s pro choice until someone they know gets an abortion. The appointment it self went smoothly. I didn’t expect to be as emotional as I was, but I was crying a lot. Not because I regret it or anything, but I think it just marks the end of the last 7 years of my life. It’s a lot to take in that that part of my life that I shared with him is truly over. How different my life could’ve been. The first couple days after the abortion, I was a mess. I have never cried so much in my life. I don’t think I left my room once. I’ve been staying with my sister since I found out about his infidelity. She’s been my rock and I owe her everything. My sister and her husband are the ones who went to collect all my things from my apartment with him. The lease for the apartment isn’t over until January, but my ex agreed to pay rent by himself for the last couple of months. I’ve been living in my sisters house. She says I can stay as long as I need, but I’ll try to be out by the new year. I am able to move to a different state for work, but I think I’ll stay in this state for my sister. Maybe I’ll move later down the line. Through all of this, I can’t help but think of how lucky I am. I found out about his cheating early enough that I could get an abortion. We had nearly secured a mortgage for a “family home”, but nothing was set in stone. I was shopping for wedding dresses. I’m so glad we weren’t married and I was early in my pregnancy and we didn’t own property together. In my last post, I mentioned how sad I was that I gave him my best years. But honestly, having come out the other side, I feel so good about this new chapter. I cant wait for my thirties. Im excited to be alive again. Again, thank you everyone for the support. It helped me a lot. **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z0bxim/oop_im_going_to_have_an_abortion_because_my/

z0bxim

My (f 30) fiancé (m 30) got wasted while watching my kids while I was at work and I don’t know what to do next

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**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/stayherenowplease in r/relationship_advice** trigger warnings: >!addiction, child neglect!< ---   [**My (f 30) fiancé (m 30) got wasted while watching my kids while I was at work and I don’t know what to do next**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qmc3eg/my_f_30_fianc%C3%A9_m_30_got_wasted_while_watching_my/) - 4 November 2021 So, I have two young kids (f8 & m7). I have been with my fiancé now for 5 years and engaged for 1. Every thing has been great between us. Wonderful communication, we trust each other, we both genuinely enjoy making the other happy and truly enjoy spending time together as a family. The only time anything remotely serious gets between us, it usually involves alcohol. I am three years sober this month, but my fiancé drinks, especially when he is at gigs with his band. The only issue there is that he drinks at gigs and then drives home. At home his drinking never seemed to be much of an issue. Not a daily drinker, doesn’t get sloshed often. He also keeps my kids when I work or what have you. And he is great! They get along wonderfully. We are a family. So anyways. Tonight I am at work and I check my phone at the end of the night and see I have a ton of texts from my fiancé. I had multiple texts that start with “come home” and escalate to “get your fucking ass home right now” and “you suck, congratulations” I am completely shocked and my anxiety gets the better of me when he doesn’t answer any of my phone calls. So I literally tell my manager I have to go home and run out the door and rush home. When I get there, the kids run up to me and start telling me about how my fiancé was playing too rough with them (they love to rough house with him) which, I get, you can’t play rough if you aren’t ready to get injured. Nature of the game. But my kids were genuinely upset about the whole thing. I find my fiancé and he is TRASHED. He tells me he didn’t send the texts and then just shuts down. Doesn’t respond to me. Then gets sad, then pretends nothing is wrong, then sad and just a total drunk disaster. I am so embarrassed, furious, shocked, and plain ol’ hurt! I left work early, my kids are scared, a house plant is broken in half from him being drunk and clumsy. I feel like this is a nearly inexcusable situation. I can forgive a lot of things, but putting my kids in a risky environment is a line I do not tolerate being crossed. His state is way beyond the ability to have an actual conversation about this at the moment so I am just festering in my fury. But what do I really do?? Everyone is okay, no long lasting damage has been done to my kids. But……my trust is completely broken. I am supposed to go out of town this weekend and now I do not feel comfortable leaving my kids with him. And to me…..that sounds like a freaking deal breaker. But this is the first time anything like this has ever happened. He struggles with anxiety and often that leads to drinking for him. So should I stand by his side and help him with whatever he is struggling with? I don’t know! I feel so silly throwing out a 5 year relationship over one mistake (that lead to many other little ones) but….it is kind of serious. Uhg. I don’t knowwww!!! **UPDATE:** I told him he needs to be gone when I get home from bringing the kids to school. He isn’t allowed to reach out to me until he has an actual plan for sobriety (therapy, AA, at least). The culture around alcohol in my town is disgusting and no one blinks and eye about driving drunk. You all (while a little harsh at times) really gave me a reality check. I should of seen this coming, but you know, rose colored glasses. I did not intentionally put my kids in danger, I would have never expected this. This is the first time anything like this has happened and he is out of the house now. I will not tolerate it. I am so embarrassed and ashamed and I feel incredibly lucky that this was the straw that broke the camel’s back and not something more deadly. ALCOHOL SUCKS YALL. **UPDATE TO UPDATE:** I gave the engagement ring back. Got him out of the house and extended my time of no communication. Three months sobriety before I will even consider working things out between us. Love doesn’t turn off automatically and this completely sucks for a million and one reasons. But again, thank you so much for the reality check. **LAST UPDATE:** A lot of this post is being torn to shreds so I will clarify a few points. I wrote this post within hours of all of this happening. I was (still am) in shock. Reading it back to myself now, I already feel like a different person. I obviously am choosing my children over him. He is already gone and is getting the rest of his things this week. My three month ultimatum is getting longer by the second, to the point where I am probably going to start running and not look back. ALSO, I am not downplaying his drunk driving. It was stated so plainly because I just added it to give a bigger picture. That has been an underlying issue recently that I was trying to deal with. Now I realize I should have seen this coming. My now ex is a wonderful person (with a now obvious, serious alcohol problem) who has added years of wonderful memories to my kids’ and I’s life. Everything that happened last night came as such a shock to me. I don’t admit being good at things often but I am a damn good mom. Unfortunately I am also a sucker and I am definitely not an expert in alcoholism, so I was fooled. LASTLY, I have no words to describe my gratitude to the commenters that gave me helpful advice, shared stories and passed on supportive wisdom. Your words are like treasures to me and I will never forget all the internet strangers that reached out to make sure I have what I need to build a new life for my family. Thank you. Thank you. THANK YOU.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z0bzcx/my_f_30_fiancé_m_30_got_wasted_while_watching_my/

z0bzcx

OOP - Fiancé(30) keeps pressuring me(f29) to perform party tricks with friends. He also wants me to perform at our wedding

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z0cq78/oop_fiancé30_keeps_pressuring_mef29_to_perform/

z0cq78

OOP - Fiancé(30) keeps pressuring me(f29) to perform party tricks with friends. He also wants me to perform at our wedding

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[removed]

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z0ctul/oop_fiancé30_keeps_pressuring_mef29_to_perform/

z0ctul

OOP - My [33F] Husband [40M] is considering conceiving a child with his ex

ONGOING

[deleted]

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z0d7hj/oop_my_33f_husband_40m_is_considering_conceiving/

z0d7hj

AITA for putting mistakes in my shared google doc notes

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**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Apprehensive-Ad-7805 **in** r/AmItheAsshole trigger warnings: >!misogyny!< mood spoilers: >!Infuriating beginning, better end!<   [**AITA for putting mistakes in my shared google doc notes**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yl7cqe/aita_for_putting_mistakes_in_my_shared_google_doc/) \- November 3, 2022 This is a throwaway account. I(21M) am currently taking Organic Chemistry I. Needless to say, the class is incredibly tough. Luckily though, I have been studying since day 1 so I am doing alright in the class. I am taking the class with a group of friends, so to help them out, I shared the personal notes that I take in class with them via a google doc, and I encouraged them to invite anyone they know. Recently, one of my friends invited a friend of theirs, let's call her Jess(20F), who i've never really interacted with, but I have a massive crush on. I think she and I would make a great couple, but she's not really into sensitive smart guys, because on her Instagram, I see all her stories show her out with really jock-like men. Our third exam is in a couple of days, and as I was going through the google doc, I realized that she was using my doc the most. You can see who looks at or edits the doc on google docs, and most of my other friends would pop up sometimes, but I would see her icon pop up alot. I also know for a fact that she isn't doing well in the class, so I got a really good idea. I would put subtle mistakes in the doc so that she wouldn't do well in the exam, and then I can offer to tutor her. That way, I can interact with her and talk to her, so that she'll realize that I have a great personality, and we can hopefully go out together. I told my friend about this plan, and they called me an "incel AH". Personally, I think they're overreacting, because Jess isn't going to do well either way, even if I don't put mistakes, so my plan will actually benefit her grades, while also allowing me to interact with her and talk to her. I think it's a win win for everyone, but I was wondering if my friend may have been on to something, so AITA? Edit: In case anyone is interested, yes, I realized I was the AH, and I took your guys's advice. Here is the link to the update: [https://www.reddit.com/user/Apprehensive-Ad-7805/comments/yr9at7/update\_aita\_for\_posting\_mistakes\_in\_my\_shared/](https://www.reddit.com/user/Apprehensive-Ad-7805/comments/yr9at7/update_aita_for_posting_mistakes_in_my_shared/)   [**Update: AITA for posting mistakes in my shared google doc notes**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Apprehensive-Ad-7805/comments/yr9at7/update_aita_for_posting_mistakes_in_my_shared/) \- November 11, 2022 I wasn't allowed to post it on r/AITA, so I'm posting it here instead. I got to say, for this one, the comments really hurt me at first. Alot of people were really angry with me, but I didn't really listen until Saturday evening. My friend that originally disagreed with me. blocked me and cut me off. This kind of made me realize just how awful everything I said was, because at first, I expected him to be a bit annoyed, and I thought he was just being dramatic, but when he blocked me, I think I started to realize just how big I screwed up. This was my childhood friend, and to hear him insult me hurt, so I came to this forum, but I never expected him to block me. I ended up taking a step back, and looking over everything I said over the past couple of days, and I know I'm wrong. I left the doc unchanged, and any changes I made, I made sure to reverse it before any time has passed. These comments and my friend have made me realize that Jess isn't some object for me to drool over, but a real person, and my plan was incredibly condescending. I made assumptions about her, and I rationalized it in my head by saying that it was for her benefit in the end, even though it was about my hubris and ego. Plus, the plan was logistically dumb. We had our test, and I ended up talking to Jess for the first time. I asked her how it went, and she said she thinks it actually went ok, and she said my notes definitely helped. I then let her know that I saw her on the doc alot, and that if she needs any help, I am available to tutor her or just help her out on any problems. She thanked me, but said that she had been getting help for this test by studying with my lab partner, apparently they both are friends as well. I said that's cool, and I just said to reach out to me if there's anything you need, and she said ok I think that went well, and you guys were right, I need to change the way I see the world, and I need to mature a bit, before initiating anything. Thank you for the comments, they stung but I think I get it now. **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

czechtheboxes

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z0dt2x/aita_for_putting_mistakes_in_my_shared_google_doc/

z0dt2x

I (30M) rejected one of my best friends (28F) I used to be in love with

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\*\*I am NOT OP. Original post by\*\* u/poiuytrewqasdfghjkl4 \*\*in\*\* r/relationship_advice ​ trigger warnings: >!domestic violence!< ​   ​ \*\*I (30M) rejected one of my best friends (28F) I used to be in love with\*\* \\- October 1, 2022 ​ I (30M) met my friend Jean (28F) 3 years ago at a rec soccer league and I was pretty infatuated with her from the beginning. Another guy in the league Lawyer Dude (LD - 30M) also liked her and part of the same group of friends we got together at this league. After over a year our friendships deepened and I honestly fell more in love with her too. I was hesitant about damaging our friendship but came clean and asked her if she wanted to explore something more. She told me she loved me as a friend but not into me like that since she didn’t want to get in a relationship at the time so even though my heart was broken I moved on. Less than 2 months later she starts dating LD and became clear to me she wasn’t necessarily avoiding relationships but just didn’t want me lol. I think all my romantic feelings for her ended right that moment since I’m the type of person that wants the same excitement and feelings for a partner that I give to her. No big deal, was honestly happy for her. We were still good friends but I left the league because my professional life picked up since I was promoted to CFO for my company and I just didn’t have the time for it. We still joked and texted all the time and Jean and LD even came out with me, my friends, and sister to party and have some nights out. Jean even became good friends with my sister which I was happy to see because I’m happy to see my sister surround herself with great people. A few months ago, Jean and LD broke up, which came as a surprise to everyone because they seemed great together. Im finding out in the past several weeks from Jean and my sister that LD was abusive and have been emotionally, psychologically, and even physically abusing (PA picked up in the last few months of their relationship) almost the entire time they were together. She even had pictures of the bruises on her body and everything. I feel terrible for her and she’s been spending more time with us and I think she’s well on the path to recovery (she should probably see a therapist or something to confirm that). Last weekend, we were drinking some wine in my kitchen goofing around. She’s teasing my about the last few GFs I’ve showed and even doing an impression of some (we’re in NYC and dating and people can just be weird here lol). I was pretty tipsy and my kitchen is tiny (manhattan apt) and I’m pretty sure she initiated a kiss. We kiss for maybe 7-10 seconds before I put a stop to it and try to defuse the situation joking about how strong the wine is. She agrees, laughs about it, and goes home. Early the next morning she’s at my doorstep and wants to talk. She said she’s in love with me and we can start what we should’ve started when I confessed to her years ago. I told her I love her as a friend but I don’t see her romantically like that and it wouldn’t be a good idea. She seemed incredibly hurt and asked if it’s because I rejected her and I told her it wasn’t but I don’t think she believed me. To be honest, it probably is the reason; as I mentioned earlier unless someone is as golden lab excited about me as I’m into them, I lose interest in them romantically. I probably have issues but that’s just how I am. But in no way am I trying to purposely punish her. Now even my sister is texting me and giving me a hard time because she sees it as her friend who was manipulated into a relationship when she wasn’t ready for it by an narcissist and then abused. She’s accusing me of being vengeful and petty with someone who’s my “soulmate” because she got manipulated into a relationship and chose someone else over me. My sister has also dated some assholes in the past so i think she’s just seeing it from Jean’s perspective which I don’t fault her for. I reached out to Jean to see if she’s ok but she said she needs time and it’s possible we should never see each other again. I think this is super hypocritical since I continued to be a good friend when she rejected me…. Idk what to do here, I truly do love her platonically. Should I try to explore if there’s romantic potential here? I’m about to lose a friend and also potentially ruin my close relationship with my sister. ​   ​ \*\*\[UPDATE\] I (30m) rejected one of my best friends (28f) that I used to be in love with\*\* \\- October 15, 2022 ​ Had some people messaging me asking for an update that I’ve mostly ignored but I wanted to provide an update today. I had brunch with my sister the day after the first thread went up. I actually showed her the thread and she spent half of our meal reading through it. She actually agreed it’s not her place to butt in and apologized about making this situation more difficult for me. She said she’s gonna be on my side and I can count on her going forward. She also actually agreed with a lot of the posts that I should probably take a clean break or at the very least some serious distance between Jean and myself. So that’s what I’ve been doing, until last night. Went to a party in Brooklyn last night for a friend’s birthday and took an Uber back home to lower Manhattan. Around midnight my front desk calls asking if they should let a Jean up, I’m confused and say yes. She comes up and she’s looking much happier and healthier than I’ve seen her in months. She hugs me and said she misses me and if we can just talk and hangout. Said she saw me in the party earlier that night on Instagram and our mutual friend that was there said I left early so she came over. I’ve been drinking so I guess it’s less awkward so we just start talking like old times about what we’ve been up to the last week and everything crazy that’s going on in the world over some beers. We’re in my godforsaken tiny kitchen again and she kisses me. I don’t stop her this time and she ended up spending the night. Waking up this morning, I didn’t and still don’t know what to think. Left while she was still sleeping to pick up some coffee. When I’m back I hear the shower so I sit on the bed and wait for her with the coffee. When she got out she realized I wanted to talk about last night so she asked if she could talk first. She said she knows I’m confused, knows how it feels like I’m her back up, knows how it feels like I’m the rebound, but none of that is true and she loves me and wants to do whatever necessary to prove it and make it work. I told her I’m feeling confused about the situation and don’t feel the same type of love for her that she thinks she feels for me. She started crying and asking if she can do anything to prove it to me so I told her I think it’s best if we take some time apart to do our own thing and let all these high emotions settle down. And if necessary we can pick up this discussion with a cooler heads and maybe even become friends again. She cried some more and agreed. Left a few hours ago and I’m still feeling kind of shell shocked over the whole thing and have been just pacing around my apt. I think I made the right decision about taking a clean break for now. Anyways, I appreciate all the great advice last time so thanks you guys. ​   ​ \*\*\[FINAL UPDATE\] I (30m) rejected one of my best friends (28f) that I used to be in love with\*\* \\- November 12, 2022 ​ Had some time and a lot has happened unfortunately so I figured I’d provide an update since you guys provided some good advice I didn’t recognize as such last time. I went straight no contact after Jean went home after our night together. Only contact we had was via text when she asked 2 days later if she could come over so we can talk and I told her I didn’t think that was a good idea and I thought it was best we spent time apart for the foreseeable future. Got a few more texts saying she understood, then how good we’d be together, and then finally how I’m making a mistake. I ignored all of it until it stopped a week into it. At this point I sadly accepted the reality that we probably could never be friends and was fine with it. We both move on and hopefully find happiness somewhere else. I mentioned before I’m the CFO for my company. For the last year we’ve been finalizing closing a deal with another major company and obviously because of all these global macro events it’s made things a lot more complicated. I have incredibly strong feelings for the legal counsel (LC) for this company I’ve been working with. She’s drop dead gorgeous, smart as a whip, and an insanely tough and strong willed woman. I tried once several months ago to ask her out but she saw my attempt from a mile away and rightfully let me know it was hugely inappropriate for us to start a relationship because of the deal we were working with. I agreed and although I’ve dated plenty the last year I’ve been pining after her this entire time. Two weeks ago the deal was officially finalized. I’m not kidding when I say this, literally less than 60 seconds after the deal was announced I asked her out and thank goodness she accepted. The date was incredible. She told me how difficult it’s been the last few several months working so closely with me when we had such strong feelings for each other. Just like how so many of my friends know about her she’s also told her friends about me. Spent the entire evening talking about how excited we finally are and then she came home with me. Now I have no idea how, but Jean found out. She messaged her 2 days later on LinkedIn asking to talk. LC thought Jean was an annoying recruiter or saleswoman at first and then Jean mentioned she knows about us seeing each other. Jean told LC that she and I were in a “complicated and bumpy phase” in our relationship. When LC didn’t respond, Jean mentioned how I manipulate and use women. How I’m a serial dater and only chase women and if a girl has feelings I hurt them instead. LC was freaked out about this, the next day she asked me for coffee and showed me all of this. Said she likes me but she really doesn’t want to get involved in any drama maybe we shouldn’t see each other. I had to beg her to give me a chance. I told her our entire history and thank god I actually wrote it down in the previous posts so I showed those to her too. She agreed to give us a chance but I can see she’s shaken up with all of this. I’m infuriated, I honestly don’t know what to do. I’ve never been a vengeful and hurtful person but I’m really tempted to call Jean and say some incredibly hurtful things to her. LC and I have blocked her in all mediums of communication. I made my sister do the same who’s also freaked out by how Jean is behaving. This is probably and hopefully the final update. I’m kind of upset that so many of you told me how manipulative and potentially dangerous Jean was and I completely ignored it. I’ve learned my lesson now though and will act accordingly if I have to interact with Jean again. I honestly think going through an abusive relationship taught her some incredibly toxic things, I’m angry with her but I know in my heart she wasn’t always like this. I urge anyone if they’re able to donate to the The National Domestic Violence Hotline which LC and I did. 501(c)(3) non-profit organization and donations are tax-deductible to the full extent of the law. [https://www.thehotline.org/donate/](https://www.thehotline.org/donate/) ​ \*\*Reminder - I am not the original poster.\*\*

TheKingofSafari

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z0gcmt/i_30m_rejected_one_of_my_best_friends_28f_i_used/

z0gcmt

Support for people with diabetes receives a "vital boost" from a premier annual conference

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OOP returned to aerial silks after years off. Her fiancé then began pressuring her to perform acrobatic party tricks with friends, in bed, and their wedding despite being told "no" numerous times

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OOP returned to aerial silks after years off. Her fiancé then began pressuring her to perform acrobatic party tricks with friends, in bed, and their wedding despite being told "no" numerous times

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OOP's Baking gets their cousin making accusations of selling out

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chimpfunkz

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AITA for 'selling out' on my Grandma's secret recipe? (An actual, real cake story)

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Anra7777

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Looking for the update to a story

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stalkedthrowout

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OP - My boyfriend's kids think I'm the second woman...

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Cute_Luck8187

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OP left her boyfriend over his foot fetish and she hate herself.

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Post [I left my boyfriend over his foot fetish and I hate myself.](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ysz4nn/i_left_my_boyfriend_over_his_foot_fetish_and_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) by [ThrowRAfeetproblem](https://www.reddit.com/u/ThrowRAfeetproblem/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) on [TrueOffMyChest](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/) 9 days ago. # I left my boyfriend over his foot fetish and I hate myself. ​ I was with him for a year and our relationship was fucking amazing. He constantly made me feel loved and always treated me with respect. He was always doing little things for me and would help me with stuff even when I didn't ask for it. The sex was amazing too, it just felt like we were compatible on every level. About three months ago, he told me he had something to confess. He said that he had a foot fetish and that he hadn't told me about it because an ex of his had taken it weird and he didn't want me to think badly of him. Looking back it was kind of obvious since he would always compliment my nail polish and was pretty eager to rub my feet if I asked him to. He even paid for me to get a pedicure because he said french tips would look cute on me. Nothing really changed much after that point. He wasn't pushy or anything, but he would suck on my toes during sex which admittedly felt pretty good. I was hanging out with three of my friends a few weeks ago and I mentioned that he liked my feet. Two of them started telling me that was a red flag and that he might be a creep. I had seen some people who were weird about it online before but they were showing me all these websites and forums and people who take creep shots of women's feet and I started feeling anxious. My third friend who was there was neutral about it but told me maybe to talk to him because he had never really given off those kinds of vibes. I stupidly didn't and pushed it to the back of my head until I saw him again two days later. We were at my apartment and were messing around. He started to kiss my feet and I pulled back from him. He asked me what was wrong and I spent like 10 minutes just repeating what my friends had told me and about how people who like feet are weird and don't care about anything else. He looked really sad and told me he didn't know I felt like that about him. He got up and left. I don't fucking know why I said any of that stupid shit to him. He had never been creepy, he had never been anything but loving to me but I called him a pervert. And then I immediately turned to my friends and they were telling me that he was confirmed one of those creepy feet guys because he left instead of talking to me and apologizing. My neutral friend again told me to talk to him, but I spent two days thinking to myself that there must be something wrong with him. He didn't contact me again so I texted him "We need to talk about our relationship." He texted back he would come over that night, and he did. He was holding a box of my stuff I had left at his place and said "I'm not going to stay with someone who thinks I'm a predator." Then he just walked away. I was stunned and didn't say anything, but that quickly turned to anger. I just thought "They were right, he's a fucking creep, I'm glad he's gone." I turned to my friends again and the two told me they'd help me get over him and hook me up with someone normal. My neutral friend advised me again to not leave my relationship like this but I'm an idiot. I'm horrible. I'm a piece of fucking shit and I deserve fucking everything I get. Every night the past month I've been thinking about him, and the more I think the bigger that pit in my stomach gets. It all exploded a week ago. I got extremely drunk and had that horrible realization hit me all at once. I lost the man I loved over nothing. NOTHING. It was my fucking fault and I would never be with him again. I was sobbing hysterically and called both of my two friends who had egged me on. I told them that I never wanted to see them again and some other things I won't repeat here. I blocked them on everything. My other friend tried calling me but I couldn't bear to talk to her. It was about 1am when I called him. He hadn't blocked me so it went through. I begged him to take me back. I told him about what my friends had told me. I told him he wasn't a pervert and that I should never have told him that. I told him I loved him more than anything and that I trusted him, that he could do whatever he wanted with any part of my body and that I would never think he was some kind of creep because I know he isn't like that. He cut me off eventually. He told me that if I was drinking to please stop and go to sleep. He sounded so sad and it just shattered my fucking heart again. He tried calling me earlier tonight but I didn't pick up. I'm so fucking scared that he's going to tell me to just fuck off and leave him alone. I know I would deserve it. I know I deserve worse. But I can't do it. I love him so fucking much. I need him. I just want him to hold me again and touch me wherever he wants and tell me that he forgives me. I feel like throwing up whenever I think that he might never be with me again. I wish I wasn't such a stupid bitch. \*EDIT: I texted him that I would call him back tomorrow if he still wants to talk. He replied that that would be fine. Also about my friends, I'm going to try to talk to all three of them. I'm still going to cut off the two that pushed me to this because the more I think about it, the more I remember little details that make it seem like they've never really liked my ex. My other friend I'm going to try calling tomorrow. I really need to apologize to her too. I realize that even if there was pressure on me, this is 100% my fault. I should have taken the time to recognize that my ex was nothing like they were making him out to be. And I shouldn't have discussed his fetish with them. Although I never really discussed the sexual part of it and just told them that he thought my feet were cute, I should never have talked about it. I'm going to tell him all of this when we talk. \*EDIT 2: I texted him again asking if he'd be okay meeting up in person rather than talking over the phone. I would rather see him face to face and apologize directly to him, rather than over the phone. He replied that he was fine with that, so I'll be heading over to meet him around noon. Let me preface this next part by saying I know none of this absolves me at all for what I've done, but I want to give some context to this situation. I've been together with those three friends of mine since high school. We have always been very close and I've trusted them with a lot of intimate details about my life. We all helped each other through bad times and enjoyed a lot of good times too. They were also my first really close friends. In grade school and early high school I kept a lot to myself and didn't interact very much with other kids. I have other friends now, but no one I trusted as much as them. I think a lot of you are right in saying that I have no spine and have let them choose everything for me. Now that I think about it I'm struggling to think of a time when I chose what we were doing on a particular day or where we were eating and other stuff. And I was like that with my ex too, letting him pick whatever even when he specifically asked me what I wanted. I know none of that is an excuse for my weakness, but that's been my life. I've already looked up some therapists that accept my insurance and I'm going to call one to schedule an appointment. After reading a lot of these comments I'm starting to get more scared at the prospect of him taking me back and me hurting him horribly again in some way. I don't know if I should tell him any of this, but I'm writing down some notes to keep my thoughts on what I'm going to say to him organized. First I'm going to apologize to him for what I did. Even if that's the only thing I can get out before he leaves, I'm going to tell him how sorry I am and that I will go with whatever he decides, even if that means I never see him again. Thank you for the comments. I know I'm not a good person, but I'm going to try to be better, and if he does take me back I'm going to become someone he deserves to be with. I'll probably make an update post later if anything happens. \*EDIT 3: I just got back from meeting him and I think I'm going to end up typing a lot for the update. Would it be preferable to just edit it into this post or make an entirely new thread? \*\*FINAL EDIT: Before I start, I don't intend anything in this update to be taken as a self-absolution of guilt or blame. I accept that I'm the one that screwed up and the blame rests solely on me. I'm not trying to diminish that or what I did. So there's a park about halfway between both of our places. We decided to meet there. I arrived a few minutes before he did and was very nervous. When I saw him walking up I felt the urge to cry but I drove it down. I didn't want to do anything that would make him think I'm trying to manipulate him. It was worse when he hugged me, but I managed to compose myself. He asked how I was doing and I told him the truth, that I was messed up. I asked him the same and he told me he was okay but he had that same sad look on his face from the last time I saw him. I asked him if I could tell him something before we talked about anything else and pulled out the apology I had written in my notes. I told him I was sorry for everything. I was sorry for making him feel unsafe with me. I was sorry for ever insinuating that he was a pervert. I was sorry for betraying his trust and telling others about our sex life. I was sorry for not communicating with him. I was sorry for not standing up for him. I was sorry for not standing up for myself and letting my opinion of him be colored by anything other than the two of us. I was sorry for leaving him in the dark for a month and not talking to him sooner. I was sorry for my drunken rant, for trying to emotionally manipulate him into coming back to me, and especially for making him feel like I still thought he was a pervert. I was sorry for hurting him the same way his ex had. At one point I noticed he was tearing up and I just couldn't hold it anymore. I cried while I finished reading it to him. I told him that I was truly happy with him and I hope he isn't put off from exploring his fetish in the future, whoever that might be with. He thanked me and we cried together for a little while. He started talking and told me the reason he called was that two of my friends had contacted him and explained that they were worried about me and told him some of what had happened. It was the "neutral" friend along with one of the two friends who had fed me the stuff about foot fetishes. I didn't get a lot of the specifics and I didn't ask anything else because there was more important stuff he wanted to talk about, but I guess I could get what happened straight from one of them. I was a little deflated after he told me this and worried he might think I was trying to manipulate him through my friends, but he quickly moved on. He told me the whole story about his ex. They had been together for longer than we had, about two years, before he told her about his fetish. The difference was that she was immediately disgusted by it. She told him she was leaving no matter how much he begged and promised he would never bring it up again. But then he told me what I did felt much worse because it seemed like I had accepted him only to stab him in the back. I wanted to get on my knees and beg him to forgive me, but I let him finish. In the end, we were both quiet for a while before he asked if we were done. I know I should've been strong and told him that I would go with whatever he decided, but I'm weak. I asked him if there was any chance we could still be together. He told me that he still had feelings for me but that he couldn't handle me hurting him again. I mentioned the stuff with my friends and that I was looking to start therapy. He told me he was happy that I was doing that, but it wasn't changing his mind. He said there might be a chance in the future, after I've worked on myself, but right now he was too hurt. I get the feeling that he was just saying that so I wouldn't be hurt. We hugged again and said goodbye and I had to fight every urge in my body to not run after him. I know I screwed up at the end, but I'm taking steps to make sure it doesn't happen again. I'm going to call my friend (the "neutral" one), and ask if she can forgive me for not talking to her too, and maybe if she can come over and hide my phone from me so I don't get the urge to bother him. I don't know about my two other friends. I don't know about anything right now. I spent like 5 of the last 6 hours crying and I feel just about out of tears. I'm running on like 3 hours of sleep. I think I'm going to just try and sleep and then continue looking for therapists in the morning. I don't know if I'll update anymore so sorry if anyone was expecting more. \*EXTRA EDIT: So this is going to be the last thing I'll post. I slept for a while and when I woke up my friend got in contact with me and came over. She wasn't the least bit mad at me and was just concerned that I hadn't talked to her. I apologized profusely to her. I really don't deserve her kindness, but it honestly felt good after everything today. To the people who messaged me with concern, thank you and I think I'll be fine. I'm still going to go to therapy to work on my problems and make sure I never do something like this to someone I love ever again. I'm probably never posting on this account again. I had some people messaging me some weird shit and claiming to be people in my life, so if you ever see someone try and make an update for this story, it ain't actually me. The only person in my circle that actually uses reddit is my friend that's with me now. I showed her this and she's assured me she won't post about it. Good night. LAST EDIT WAS 7 DAYS AGO IM NOT OP

Ok-Replacement7697

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z0r7vv/op_left_her_boyfriend_over_his_foot_fetish_and/

z0r7vv

A post about actual cakes! OP asks, AITA for 'selling out' on my Grandma's secret recipe?

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Son Wants To Know Why His Dad Hasn't Talked To His Brother In 20+ Yrs (My Real Dad Just Showed Up New Nov 13, '22)

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My Mom Lied To Me & My Real Dad Just Showed Up NEW Update (Nov 13, '22) This is a new update **on the Uncle situation** of an ongoing story. Due to the length -and the fact that this story now has 17 posts- I am linking the OOP's post history page instead of pasting the text and links of the entire series here. The original posts were made by u/ThrowRAdadarrived in r/relationship_advice, beginning back in Dec 2021, with the newest update on Nov 13, '22. **I am including the last part of the last update about the uncle with a TLDR** [OOP's post history ](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRAdadarrived/submitted/) *In his last updates, OOP had been slowly building a friendship with his bother. His parents were learning how to co-parent and had started dating. Things were looking up.* [What I've Learned](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRAdadarrived/comments/xqv5fi/what_ive_learned/ ) A few people had asked about my uncle on my last post. I do have an update on that but unfortunately it’s not a good one. My dad hired one of his PI friends to locate his brother. My dad said he’s wanted to look for him several times but always decided against it. Seeing me and Ryan has brought a lot of those memories back up for him and he decided it was time to try. My uncle lives a couple hours away from my home. My dad called the number a few weeks ago and got my uncle’s voicemail. He left a message and his phone number but never heard back. He was crushed. I wish my uncle would’ve at least called him back but it’s been 20 something years so I guess maybe he doesn’t care about making amends anymore. Idk. I feel awful for my dad. He was really hoping to reconcile with his brother. I told him to write a letter but he said it’s better not to push it right now and that my uncle has the contact info if he ever wants to reach out. Hope all is well for everyone. Sorry I don’t have more exciting updates. Life has been pretty dull for me lately. I appreciate anyone who is still checking in though. Take care! **TLDR of the uncle situation:** Something happened between dad and the uncle a long time ago. Dad has not told him what exactly happened but it resulted in the uncle going completely no contact with the whole family. OOP has tried to ask about it, but dad isn't ready to talk about it.* [New Update On Uncle](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRAdadarrived/comments/yun3fs/uncle_scott/) Uncle "Scott" I screwed up and my dad paid the price for it. I meddled and stuck my nose in my family’s business. I wanted my dad to have the Thanksgiving dinner he was dreaming about. Instead, I ruined the entire holiday two weeks early. I’m going to be referring to my uncle as Scott. That’s not his real name. I know it probably seems silly to start using fake names now, but when I made my first post on my personal profile that named Ryan and Josh I had exactly 27 followers from the advice subreddit. I thought maybe 5 at most would comment. I never expected thousands of people to eventually follow and see these posts. Sorry if this is written poorly. I wrote it and quickly skimmed it as a proofread but I don’t really wanna dwell on the events any longer so I’m just posting it as is. A quick recap: Over the summer my dad decided to try to reach out to his brother that he hasn’t seen or heard from in over 20 years. When he saw how Ryan and I had worked past our differences and how we’re becoming closer with each other it made him miss his own brother. He asked one of his PI colleagues to look into Uncle Scott’s current whereabouts. It turns out he lives only two hours away from my town, and one hour from the city where Ryan and our dad live. My dad initially called the number he was given. Scott didn’t answer but dad left a voicemail. He never heard back. He tried to hide it but we could tell he was really upset. I asked him what the story was between them two but he didn’t want to tell me at the time. During mid-October we were discussing plans for Thanksgiving. My parents were excited because it was gonna be our first family holiday together. My dad invited mine and Ryan’s grandparents. My maternal grandparents were coming. So were Josh and his parents (They don’t have any family nearby and always spend it with my family). My dad told me and Ryan that he wished he could see his brother too. He decided to write a letter and mailed it to the address he had for my uncle. I don’t know exactly what was said on it as it was private but my dad did say he invited my uncle to meet up with him to talk and maybe come to Thanksgiving dinner if things went well. Two weeks went by and he didn’t get a response. He was understandably upset again even though he still tried to hide it. I hate that he does that. He tries to always be the strong, stoic man of the house. He’s not afraid to show emotion but he always puts himself last. So the big question: Why did my dad and uncle fall out 22 years ago? I’m sorry to say I can’t give a completely clear answer due to my father’s and family’s privacy. A couple weeks ago Ryan and I asked him again what the story was. He didn’t want to tell us but we kept bugging him so finally he told us what happened between the two of them. Again, I can’t get completely specific so I apologize. But basically my dad inherited a large sum of money and a family heirloom from my great grandpa when he died. Scott received money too but apparently nowhere near as much as my dad. And the inherited item is a family heirloom that for whatever reason is important in our family. These were passed down to my dad because he’s the first born grandson and I guess my great grandpa had some antiquated idea about the item’s line of succession. Apparently this heirloom was an extremely coveted object in the family. My dad was 19 when he inherited it. Scott was 16 at the time. He was jealous not so much about the money difference, but the heirloom. He apparently demanded he had just as much of a birthright to it. The only problem is that it’s not something that can be split and it was already given to my father. Dad said that he just told his brother to get over it because it was done and over with. That probably sounds super confusing and I might’ve explained it horribly but in a nutshell, it was an inheritance fight. Dad got something Scott wanted. Scott was angry over it. Dad admits he wasn’t very sympathetic at the time and told our uncle to just accept it as there was nothing to be done about it. He said before that they were pretty close and always got along. Their relationship was tense and dwindling for two years until my uncle turned 18 and walked away from the entire family. He never got past it. Tbh when me and Ryan heard that explanation we thought...that’s it? That was the big incident that’s caused them to be no contact for decades; a dispute over some stupid family inheritance? It honestly sounded so dumb and I think my dad realizes that now. He admitted that he didn’t want to tell us what happened not because it’s some horrifying family secret, but because he was embarrassed at how childish the whole thing was in retrospect. He said by the time he was in his mid twenties it didn’t even matter anymore and he wanted to reach out to his brother but he was ashamed at how he acted back then. Then he found out Ryan’s mom was pregnant and his priorities shifted to his new family and he let it go for so long even though he’s missed him. Seeing me and Ryan become not just brothers but actual friends made him realize he didn’t want to go the rest of his life without burying the hatchet with his own brother, but he said that his brother clearly wanted nothing to do with him so he had to make peace with that. That’s where I fucked up. I should have left it alone, but I couldn’t accept that they would just go their entire lives without each other. I thought they could work past it if they just sat down and talked the way that Ryan and I had done back in April. I now know that it was silly for me to equate the situations but I had a fantasy in my head of convincing my uncle to come to Thanksgiving dinner. Our dad does so much for all of us and he never does anything for himself. I wanted him to have the Thanksgiving he really wanted, with his brother. I snuck into my dad’s home office and found the file he had with Scott’s information. I lucked out that he had the file in his desk drawer and not in the locked safe where he keeps client information/documents. Scott works as a dentist so I called the number for his work pretending like I was trying to set up an appointment. I asked the lady on the phone what days he wasn’t available and she told me he’s off Friday through Sunday. That worked out because we had the day off of school on Friday for Veteran’s Day. So I made a plan to drive to his house hoping to catch him and talk. Originally Josh was gonna come with me but his dad told him last minute that he had to stay home to help with something, so I was gonna just go alone. I asked Ryan to cover for me if our dad or my mom asked where I was. He told me that my plan was insane and not to do it. I should have listened but I told him I was going anyway so he decided to come with me because he didn’t want me to be alone in case our uncle was crazy or something. I won’t lie, I was glad he came with because I was a little nervous even though I was dead set on going. So we drove to Scott’s city and went to his home. We knocked on the door and it was actually him that answered. I’d only seen a couple of old pictures of him when he was young but I just knew it was him because he looks a lot like our dad and grandpa. The genes on my dad’s side are really strong. When he confirmed his name we told him we were his nephews and he slammed the door in our faces. But we didn’t go all that way just to go back home without saying what we had to say. We kept knocking and ringing the doorbell but he wouldn’t answer. So Ryan did what he does best and got under Scott’s skin until he got a reaction. He yelled out that we weren’t going anywhere so he should probably let us in unless he wants to explain to all his neighbors why he’s got two teenage boys loudly begging to be let into his house. Scott opened the door again and told us to leave or he was gonna call the cops. I told him fine, call them. But at least hear what we have to say until they get here. Which is stupid, I know, but I was desperate. He finally let us in, I think mostly just to get us to shut up and stop making a scene on his front porch. He was home alone but he had a lot of pictures hanging on the walls of him with a woman and young girl so it seems like he’s married with a daughter. We sat down in his living room and he asked us what he wanted. We asked if he’d gotten our dad’s voicemail and letter. He said he did and that he turned off the voicemail when he realized who it was and threw away the letter without reading it. We asked him why he wouldn’t consider giving our dad a chance and he said he moved on a long time ago. Ryan asked him that if he’s over the fight why won’t he just let it go and talk to our dad. Scott replied that he’s not looking to dredge up the past. We did confirm with him that our dad was telling the truth about the inheritance dispute. Although Scott added that our dad wasn’t a good older brother after that fight (weirdly enough, our dad has said the exact same thing to us before). I asked if there was something else that either of them wasn’t telling us and he said that there’s nothing, he just never got along with our dad after the reading of the will. Ryan told him that our dad really misses him and Scott said that he misses someone who doesn’t exist anymore. I tried telling him that it all seemed silly and asked if it was really worth still holding onto a grudge 22 years later? I would understand if our dad stole his girlfriend or badly beat him up or something unforgivable. And yes, I’m sure everyone knows that it sucks to be told to get over something when you’re upset. But in the moment at Scott’s house I was just thinking, was that really worth throwing away an entire family? It doesn’t seem like our dad or Scott were lying but it makes no sense to me that they gave up their whole relationship with each other over this stupid item that neither of them seem to even care about anymore. I told Scott that we don’t know who our dad was then, but we know who he is now. I said that our dad talks about him and his regret in their falling out all the time. Our uncle wouldn’t budge though. He insisted it was in the past. Ryan wouldn’t let it go and was arguing with him which just made Scott mad. Ryan told him (without being specific) that he and I had a lot of problems with each other earlier this year but we were able to work past it and forgive each other because that’s what family is supposed to do. Eventually Scott told Ryan that we don’t understand the kind of betrayal he felt from our dad because we didn’t grow up together. Me and Ryan noticed it immediately. He slipped up. I asked him how he knew that but he didn’t even realize what he had said. So I asked him how could he possibly know that we didn’t grow up together if he hasn’t spoken to anyone in the family in two decades. He kind of stumbled on his words for a second before he said because we’re obviously half-brothers. Only it’s not obvious. Ryan and I don’t look like twins but I think the vast majority of people would be able to tell we’re brothers right away. Also, we’re both complete white boys so it’s not like there’s a skin tone difference that would give away our half relation either. And even if it WAS somehow “obvious” that we’re half brothers I don’t think that automatically tells people that you didn’t grow up together. We asked again how he knows about us being half brothers but he got mad and started shouting at us to get out of his house and never come back. Ryan started yelling that we weren’t leaving but Scott was pissed off and yelling at us to just go home. I grabbed Ryan and told him let’s just go. It was kind of scary to be honest. I never got the sense that he was gonna hit us or anything but the way he shifted so quickly from someone who was slightly annoyed but talking to us calmly to just straight up angry and yelling at us to get out was a shock. When we got back into my car I realized my dad had called me six times. Ryan had even more missed calls and showed me a text message from our dad that said he knew where we were and to get home now in all caps. I asked Ryan if he’d left his location sharing on and he confirmed that he had. I asked why and he said just in case Scott was a psycho and locked us in his basement or something. At least our parents would know where to look. He texted our dad that we were heading back home but neither of us answered his or my mom’s calls. We knew we were in trouble. On the ride back we tried to figure out how our uncle knew about the past year. We thought maybe he’d seen my Reddit posts. But that didn’t make sense because I never wrote my dad’s name and theoretically he shouldn’t know Ryan’s name or even of his existence. The only thing I said in my posts relating to my uncle was that he and our dad hadn’t talked in 20+ years and that’s not exactly a smoking gun for identification. When we got to our dad’s house he was MAD. He was yelling at us asking what we were thinking going over there and why we would be so reckless. That was the first time he’s ever yelled at me and as much as I hate to admit it, it brought back all my fears that he was gonna abandon me and decide he didn’t want me as a son. I tried to tell him not to blame Ryan because it was my fault and he just didn’t want me to go alone. I told him I was the one who took Scott’s info from his desk and insisted on visiting him but it didn’t matter to our dad. He told us we both exhibited poor judgment and we should have known better than to run off and go visit a complete stranger an hour away from home. Ryan told him that he’s not a stranger, he’s your brother. Our dad shouted exactly that our uncle is HIS brother and a stranger to the two of us. He said he doesn’t know what his brother has been up to for the last 20 years and whether or not it was safe for us to be around him, let alone secluded with him at his house. I said that we just wanted to make him feel better but apparently that was the wrong thing to say because he asked us how much better do we think he’s gonna feel if something had happened to the two of us because we were trying to do something for him. All we could say was sorry at that point. Once he was done yelling Ryan told him that we had to tell him something. Our dad asked what happened but then Ryan backed out and told me to tell him. So I told him everything that happened from when we got there and ending with the fact that Scott somehow knew we were half brothers and didn’t grow up together. I could see the gears turning in our dad’s head but he told me and Ryan to go to our rooms and that we were grounded for what we did. We tried protesting but he put his foot down and told us not to argue with him. It’s a strange feeling, being grounded by my dad for the first time a week before my eighteenth birthday. I messed up even further by pleading to my mom. I told her I don’t even live here and idk being grounded by my dad just seemed weird (I obviously didn’t say that second part out loud). That was clearly a mistake. My mom quickly listed off my offenses. She said that I broke into my father’s office, stole private information from his desk, lied to her about where I was gonna be that day, drove hours away from home to a completely different city without their permission, and harassed a man into letting us into his home. She said I was 100% grounded and I better hope my dad gives me a lighter punishment than the one she was considering. I almost never get in trouble so I was hoping that my mom would be out of practice, but she really doesn’t miss a beat when it comes to discipline. Ryan and I went to our rooms. As I said before I thought that I had just heard my dad yelling. Turns out I was wrong. When he was talking to us he was just raising his voice. He got on the phone and he started actually yelling. I could hear him all the way from my room. Keep in mind, my dad does not have a small house and my room is on the opposite side of the house from his bedroom. That’s how loud he was yelling. I couldn’t make out all the words but I could hear how angry he was. Long story short, he called my grandparents and it turns out they’ve been in contact with Uncle Scott for years. My mom explained it to me when we got home but apparently Scott wasn’t on speaking terms with anyone when he turned 18. After a couple years he reconciled with my grandparents under the condition that they had a separate relationship not involving my dad at all. This has been going on for 20 years. My dad had no idea. Ryan said it sort of makes sense because apparently sometimes they had weird holiday hours with our grandparents. Like one year our grandparents went to their house for Thanksgiving and left before 4pm. Another year they insisted Ryan’s family go to visit them on Christmas Eve and not stay for Christmas Day. Our grandparents’ excuse for the odd times/days was that they were visiting their oldest friends who have no family in a different city on those holidays. It’s now clear that they were likely visiting Scott and his family. My dad yelled at his parents that he never wanted to speak to them again and he uninvited them from Thanksgiving. It’s all a mess. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. As if all it would take to recover from two decades of estrangement was one conversation from someone he’s never even met. It was stupid. I know that now. My mom was understanding that I was trying to do something nice but she said I went about it completely the wrong way by sneaking around. It didn’t click for me until she told me to imagine if she and I were in a fight and some family member I’ve never met came to me and tried to tell me how I’m supposed to feel about it. And I now know that what we did on the front porch was harassment. I wish I could apologize to Scott for it. I just had an idea in my head of what was “supposed to” happen and had tunnel vision on making it a reality. I let my emotions control my actions instead of my brain. That night Ryan went to his mom’s for the weekend. My dad came over to our house the next day. I think he just wanted to be with my mom. He’s not even hiding how upset he is. I don’t think he can this time. He said none of it is my fault and that he’s not mad at me and the worst part is that I actually believe he’s telling the truth about not being mad. When he came over yesterday one of the first things he said to me was not to worry about my college fund because he would be paying for me. My grandparents had previously offered to pay for my tuition over the summer. I still can’t believe it. I ruined his relationship with his parents and all he had to say to me was that he’d take care of my tuition in their place. I don’t give a shit about the college money. I care about him. So now Thanksgiving is ruined because I couldn’t just mind my own damn business and stay out of it. I’m sorry if that’s disappointing. I know a lot of people praised me for being mature in how I handled things with Ryan at the beginning of the year. I’m sorry that I can’t live up to that standard. I had good intentions, but that doesn’t make what I did okay. I’m not going to be reaching out to Scott (I promised my parents I would leave him alone from now on) or my grandparents. I’ve caused enough damage already. All I can do is keep apologizing to my dad and pray that this month goes by quickly. I don’t even want to celebrate Thanksgiving or my birthday anymore. I’m not looking for sympathy and I’m not depressed so please don’t send me any Reddit Cares messages. I’m disappointed in myself right now but I’ll recover. I always do. Eventually. Hope you all had a great Halloween and have been well. **OOP put up another update that hadn't shown up for me:** [Newer Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRAdadarrived/comments/yzubeh/eighteen/) My birthday was yesterday. I’m legally an adult. I can vote, join the military, get a tattoo, rent an apartment, and a multitude of other things that I couldn’t do two days ago. A whole world of possibilities has just opened up to me. And yet, even with the knowledge of all the new opportunities available to me I don’t feel any different. My dad was quiet and somber after the revelation that his parents have been in regular contact with his brother for the past twenty years. I thought he’d be hurt by that forever. I guess it’s possible he always will in one way or another. However, two days before my birthday (and the day before my grounding ended) he stopped by the house and pulled me into a big hug before asking if I was excited for my birthday party. It was like nothing had happened. He was back to his regular self in just a few days. I didn’t understand it. I still don’t. My dad’s been looking forward to my birthday. A lot more than I have actually, even before the shit show that took place last weekend. My mom had been telling me he was excited to get to throw me a birthday party for the first time. He had the entire thing planned out but he wouldn’t tell me about it. He only asked what kind of cake I wanted. He did a fantastic job. I’ve been to several parties in the building it was at but I’ve never seen it decorated the way that it was for my 18th. He really went above and beyond. The theme he chose was “Happy Birthdays” and there was even a giant banner that said “Happy Birthdays Caleb” on one of the walls. The night was filled with singing, dancing, and laughing. There was a ton of food. Luckily a lot of people actually showed up, including people from school I don’t even really talk to, otherwise all that food would’ve gone to waste. It was the best birthday party I’ve ever had. Only I couldn’t fully enjoy it. There were moments where I let myself be happy and enjoy myself. But I had this constant feeling of guilt. My dad put together an extravagant birthday party for me even after I ruined his Thanksgiving plans. I know the general consensus is that it wasn’t my fault and that my grandparents made their decision themselves. I understand that but I still couldn’t help but feel guilty about the whole thing. It didn’t help that he bought me eighteen gifts. One for this year, and seventeen for all the other birthdays that he missed. He really put a lot of thought into the gifts. Obviously my mom had to help him pick things out but the amount of effort blew my mind. He got gifts that reflected either milestones or my interests at every age. For the first gift he got me a large plastic bottle with milk chocolate candies in it. For the sixth gift he got me a Pokémon shirt with the Gen 5 starters because when I was six I was obsessed with Pokémon. For the twelfth gift he bought me a Minecraft lego set. The sixteenth was a roadside kit and car wash gift card. Finally, the eighteenth gift was a new laptop with preinstalled software which he says is for writing. My mom told me later that the entire party with the theme and the eighteen gifts was his idea. Her role in the gifts was simply to tell him what my interests were at every age and show him pictures/videos of my past birthday parties and gifts. I don’t know how anyone could ever top that entire gesture. It was just so well-planned and thought out. After the party my core group of friends and my girlfriend came over to our house. We just hung out for a bit talking about the party and looking at our classmates' posts about it before I had to take my girlfriend home because of her curfew. The guys were all staying over for a movie game night. My mom and Josh knew something was up with me most of the night. Josh knew specifically because I had told him how I’d been feeling. My mom is just psychic and always knows when I’m not myself. But when I dropped my girlfriend off she asked if everything was okay. She knows what went down last weekend but I hadn't seen her in person almost all week since I was grounded. She thought that I was upset at her for something she might have done at the party which just made me feel like crap. I haven’t said much about my girlfriend in the past because despite my tendency to overshare on my family drama, I do like to keep some things like my dating life private. But when it came to my birthday party she was incredible all night. She helped set up the table decorations and was immensely patient and understanding when I was trying to make sure that I talked to everyone who came to the party all night. She led the happy birthday song with my mom. My relationship with my ex was a lot...different than with my current girlfriend and it’s a breath of fresh air. Honestly she’s just all around amazing and I’m incredibly lucky to have her. So the fact that she thought I was upset with her made me realize that I need to get my head out of my ass and stop being so mopey because it’s starting to affect the people I care about. I apologized and assured her that she helped make my birthday party the best one ever, which is true. When I got back home I decided that I would sit on the porch bench swing for a few minutes and let go of the guilt at least temporarily so I could enjoy the rest of my birthday with my friends. As I was sitting there my dad came outside. He probably saw me because you can see the bench swing from inside the house if the curtains are open. He asked what I was doing and I told him that I just needed a minute before I went back inside to the craziness that happens anytime my friends and I get together. He sat down with me asked me how it felt to be eighteen. I told him that I thought I’d feel different. Smarter, older. I thought that just knowing that I was eighteen now would make me feel like an adult. But the truth is it feels a lot like seventeen. My dad kind of chuckled and explained to me that there’s no moment at eighteen where your brain switches to adult mode. He says it happens slowly over time and that I likely won’t even notice when it does. That I’ll just think of or see something one day and realize the way I feel about it has changed because I’m older and have more life experience. And even then I won’t have all the answers. I’ll still mess up and make mistakes. Then he said the truth is that we’re all just people trying to figure life out as we go along. I told him that he makes adulthood sound depressing. He laughed and said it really sucks some days but that I have him and my mom to help me whenever I need them. I apologized for ruining Thanksgiving. He just put his arm around me in a side hug and said I didn’t ruin anything. He had said that before, the day after everything happened, but I think it was all so fresh for him that his mind was somewhere else when he said it. Which is completely fair. I told him that if I would’ve just minded my own business his parents would still be coming for Thanksgiving and he would still have hope that his brother might wanna reconcile one day. He assured me that I’m not responsible for other people’s actions and that all that stuff happened years before I was born. I did ask him if he meant what he said about never talking to grandma and grandpa again. He said that he meant it at the time but that they’re still his parents and he still loves them. He doesn’t wanna lose any more family members if he can help it. Then he told me that the more he thinks about it the more he realizes that if he was in their position he would’ve done the same thing. That if me or Ryan told him he could have a separate relationship with us or none at all he would choose separate every time. He said that he needs time away from his parents right now because regardless of their excuses about Scott insisting they couldn’t tell my dad anything all these years that they could have at the very least told him that Scott was doing alright. I guess my dad has talked to them about how he missed Scott several times over the years and they said nothing every time. That’s what he’s most hurt about. He also mentioned that it was disrespectful of them to tell Scott everything that was happening in his life, especially regarding me and what happened at the end of last year. At that point my mom came out and reminded me that my friends were all waiting for me inside. She sat down with us and asked if I felt any better. I did. Even though nothing was really resolved, just talking it out with my dad made me feel better. You would think by now I would know that just talking things through would be the answer instead of overthinking and wondering “What if?” I guess I’m still learning that lesson even after all this time. Ever since I was little my mom has done this thing where she rubs my back in a circular motion. Whenever I was upset she would always do that. I don’t think it does much physically but it always makes me feel better. She asked if I was too old for a back rub now. I told her no. Honestly I don’t think I’ll ever outgrow that. She rubbed my back and we just talked about random stuff that’s going on in our area for a few minutes. I realize how lucky I am to have parents that love me and want me to always be okay, especially when their own problems are always much worse than mine. I promise I’ll never take them for granted. I don’t know where I would be without their guidance and support. After that we all went inside and I ended up playing this horror movie video game with my friends. It was really fun. We only got halfway through it before we started to knock out one by one. We’re gonna finish it sometime next week. I don’t necessarily feel guilt anymore, but I do still feel horrible for my dad. I can’t imagine what he’s going through mentally. And I still partly believe that I don’t know the full story with him and his brother. I likely never will, but I’m keeping my promise to stay out of it. All I can really do for him is what a few people suggested on my last post. I’ll hug him more, remind him that I love him and I’m grateful for him. I hope that’s enough for now. If not, I’ll keep doing it until it is. Regarding my grandparents I haven’t spoken to them but I did get a birthday card with $500 from them. There was a short note saying that they had planned to give it to me on Thanksgiving but since they were no longer coming they just sent it through the mail. I’m not sure if I’ll keep the money. It feels kinda scummy to keep it when I’m upset with them. My dad says he has no problem with me and Ryan maintaining a relationship with them because they’re still our grandparents and the issue has nothing to do with us. But I feel like I need to stand by him and not accept the money. I don’t want to return it and potentially cause more issues so I’ll probably just donate it to the local children’s hospital. I know they accept donations this time of year specifically to buy Christmas presents for the children. I’m still a bit nervous about Thanksgiving. I think it might still be a bit awkward with the elephant in the room being my missing grandparents. However, we’ve gotten through so much this past year. I know we can handle a couple of empty spots at our Thanksgiving dinner table. I don’t think I’ll update before the day so I hope all my fellow Americans have a great Thanksgiving! **Please remember I am not the OOP. Please do not comment on the original posts as this is against BORU rules.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z0uyk9/son_wants_to_know_why_his_dad_hasnt_talked_to_his/

z0uyk9

OOP - My Husband convinced me to get a job at his company, hoping it would help him to stop cheating.

CONCLUDED

[deleted]

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z0vobj/oop_my_husband_convinced_me_to_get_a_job_at_his/

z0vobj

Should I step in and make the first move?

ONGOING

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z0yiq5/should_i_step_in_and_make_the_first_move/

z0yiq5

OOP asks if she is TA for "selling" Grandma's secret recipe

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huskergirl-86

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z0yndi/oop_asks_if_she_is_ta_for_selling_grandmas_secret/

z0yndi

OOP - My Husband convinced me to get a job at his company, hoping it would help him to stop cheating.

CONCLUDED

I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/heartbrokenlady276 in r/trueoffmychest. [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yr5t4r/my_husband_convinced_me_to_get_a_job_at_his/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (10 Nov 22) **My Husband convinced me to get a job at his company, hoping it would help him to stop cheating** So my husband (m36) and I (f35) are high school sweethearts. We got pregnant in high school, dated for a few years after we had our baby, and decided we did want to get married. Through every single up and down, we were there for one another. I honestly didn’t think we could have a more perfect relationship. It’s something I have been so proud about most of my life. About four months ago, my husband asked me to get a job at his company. Before this I had just been working part time jobs, because we didn’t really need the money since we weren’t financially responsible for a child anymore. However, we agreed the extra money would be lovely to go towards our family trip funds. Something we both and our son add too as often as possible. Our hope being to take a family vacation across Europe for a few months. And we are trying to make it happen sooner than later, because our son is recently married. We want them to be able to still go one the trip without worrying about a new baby. Once I got the job I thought it was such a great decision. I was making quite a bit of extra money and seeing my husband so much more. Well a couple weeks ago, one of his co workers approached me, and asked how I could be so cool with the ongoing situation. I had no idea what she was talking about. So I asked for more detail, and she told me my husband and one of his coworkers had been having an affair for over a year. Well honestly, I trust my husband more than this woman I just met. I told him about it that night, and he immediately broke down. He told me he was so sorry, but it was true. He said I’m still the love of his life, but he needs some excitement outside of our relationship. He told me he had been feeling so guilty about it, he asked me to start working there. Hoping it would make him want to cheat less. But it’s actually just caused them to sneak around more, and find their relationship even more hot. I don’t know what to do. I’m so humiliated. I feel like I should stick this out, because we have been together so long, and I know it would devastate our son. But I don’t think I can move on from this. He didn’t even apologize. Just told me every man needs something new and exciting in a long term relationship. And that it means nothing. Well it certainly feels like something. Edit: Thank you everyone for the kind words and support. I also got many messages that were so sweet. It has been really helpful to read everyone’s advice. I was trying to figure out the best way to tell our son. I wanted to sit him down and let him know that my husband and I are getting a divorce. I bought the things to make his favorite meal, and invited him over for dinner. Well a couple hours ago, he called me and was extremely upset. He said that my husband told him I cheated and we were getting a divorce. He begged my son not to tell me, as it would just cause further problems. But my son wanted to know how I could do that to dad and couldn’t stay silent. I told him what actually happened over the phone and he started crying. I am absolutely furious that my husband put my son through that. Even though he’s an adult, it’s still a very upsetting topic and it should’ve been handled with care. Not lies. I found a great divorce lawyer with my friends help, and I am getting the ball rolling immediately. His mistress also messaged me after she found out I knew. She said I should be grateful that my husband and I had a good marriage while we did, but she would be taking my place now. I ignored her message and blocked her. I have an amazing support system in place and will be moving out later today. I’m staying with my friend and his wife until I can find a place of my own. I told my husband I was divorcing him and moving out. He broke down and asked how I could do this to our family. He said I’m the one making the decision to end it, and I should be ashamed I would throw away our marriage. He said he couldn’t believe I would throw in the towel so quickly. I told him to fuck off and go cry to his mistress. So now you’re all caught up. If anymore happens, I might update again. Thank you all again for your kind words and support. You guys have made this a little easier. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yur3cz/my_husband_convinced_me_to_get_a_job_at_his/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (14 Nov 22) **My husband convinced me to get a job at his company, hoping it would stop him from cheating. (UPDATE)** So I read everyone’s comments about reporting my husband and his mistress to HR. And also sleeping with his boss. I did report them to HR, but unfortunately there isn’t anything they can really do, because there’s not actually any proof. I should them the texts, but they said unless I had proof of them committing acts on work property, nothing could be done. On one bright side (I guess) I, and his mistress, found out there had been a LOT of others. Including some older than her. His oldest affair had been going on for over five years. It was just a friends with benefits type situation. It was one of them moms I was on the PTA with. Both married and just looking for sex apparently. Well his mistress is just DEVASTATED. She’s cannot believe he could possibly do this to her. She actually reached out to me asking for advice on how to handle everything. Once she realized I blocked her, she had one of our coworkers come and ask me. As for my job goes, I actually really love it. Fuck the two of them, I’m keeping it. I’m good at it, and I enjoy it. I make a livable wage from it. HR did tell me they would transfer me to a different branch, so I’m actually in the process of moving. Not just out of my ex’s and I’s house, but pretty far away. My Ex begged me for a second shot. To honor my vows and the commitment I made. He got VERY upset when I brought up the fact that he didn’t keep his vows. He told me, that first and foremost loyalty should come first. That no matter the mistake I should stand by his side. I looked at him and told him to miss my fucking ass. That is my favorite thing to come out of this so far. My son believed me 100%. Without showing him the messages from the mistress. He cut contact with his dad. Also to clear up some confusion, my son is 20. He met us girlfriend the first year of college and they got married two months ago. Very recent, and part of the reason I was so concerned about the news of his dad and I. So all in all I am moving, and starting over. And I have full support from everyone except my parents, who think I should stay and stick it out. Thank you so much to everyone who sent kind words, and encouragement. You truly made a hard time a little easier. **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z0z46w/oop_my_husband_convinced_me_to_get_a_job_at_his/

z0z46w

OOP's son stole his dead mother's ring to propose to his girlfriend

NEW UPDATE

**I am not the OP. That is u/Sad_Dad_Throwaway00. Originally posted on r/EntitledPeople.** Trigger warning: >!none!< Mood spoiler: >!infuriating!< [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/xx2rvp/my_son_stole_his_dead_mothers_ring_for_his/) *posted October 6, 2022* **My son stole his dead mother's ring for his girlfriend, and now he won't talk to me after making him return it** To say I was mad as hell would be an understatement. I (46M) have a son Jake (23M & Fake Name). Jake was a good kid growing up. So him doing this was a complete shock to me. I have a daughter too, Amber (16F & Also Fake Name). When my wife passed away from Covid nearly two years ago, she already had a will in place. She was immunocompromised due to a prior condition she was diagnosed with a decade before she passed. And she made sure she had a will set just in case anything happened to her. And in said will she divided her assets between our children. And Jake got his cut as he was already 21. He used that money to put a down payment on a condo, and he also got his mother's car. But the will stated that my daughter was to get all of my wife's jewelry. That included a vintage gold ring with a diamond that had a light blue sapphire on each side of it. That ring has been passed down for generations in my wife's family. It was originally her grandmother's wedding band. Her husband was a jeweler and hand crafted the ring for her himself. And it was passed down to my wife's mother when her grandmother died, and then to my wife herself when her mother passed. And it along with the other jewelry was to all go to my daughter. When my wife passed away, my grief was intense. But I powered through it for the sake of my family. And they supported me 100%. So the betrayal from my son was just a rusty knife in the back to me. For the past eight months Jake has been dating Sara (Fake name). She has my son wrapped around her finger. And she loves jewelry as she adorns herself with it a lot. My son mentioned the family jewels my wife left his sister to Sara one day, and Sara really wanted to see them. So Jake went into my room when no one was home and showed them to her. He later admitted to me that he'd done this, and I was angry. But I thought that would be the end of it. I was wrong. Jake came to me a week ago and begged for that ring from his mother's family jewels so that he could propose with it. He said Amber had fallen in love with the ring when she saw it before, and he just knew it'd be the perfect ring to ask her to marry him with. He seemed completely convinced I'd be jumping for joy for him wanting to propose. But instead, I told him that I was not the one to ask as the ring belongs to Amber. And I wouldn't have him pressuring her to give it up it either. For a fair chance, I'd allow him to explain his reasons and ask her for it once. But only once. Without pressuring her. And if she refuses for any reason, that will be the end of it. Jake agreed and asked Amber for the ring right in front of me. But she told him no because she wanted to keep it in the family jewels, and has always loved that ring. To her, it's priceless. She couldn't bear to ever give it up. I told Jake that was that, and to not press the matter further. Jake left looking very unhappy about not getting the ring. But I thought he'd let it go and look into finding a similar one. But he came back another day while I was at work to talk to his sister after she got home from school. He and Amber got into a huge fight about the ring and Amber called me crying. I called Jake and told him to get out of my house and leave his sister alone. Jake yelled at me that he should have just as much right to the ring as his sister, because my wife was his mother too. But I reminded him he got a lot of his mother's money, and her car. The jewelry is Amber's, and only hers. He hung up on me and Amber soon texted me that he left very angry. Later right before I left work, my daughter called and told me that Jake came back. He walked in dressed in a suit, went into my room and took something. Then left without saying anything to Amber. She tried to keep him from leaving, but he shoved her out of the way. I rushed home as soon as my shift was over and checked my wife's jewelry box. The ring was gone. I immediately called Jake, but he didn't answer. So I messaged him that I'll get police involved if he doesn't return the ring. Using it to propose won't stop me from taking it back. That finally made him talk to me, and he tried to say that I couldn't do that to him because he's my son. I said I can and will because he outright stole the ring. And he'd better bring it back right away, or I would take drastic measures. Well he phoned me right after that, and in a whisper he said that it was too late. He'd taken his girlfriend out to dinner and proposed to her with the ring. He hadn't had it for more than an hour by this point. Yet the ring was already on her finger. I said that was his problem. He stole the ring, he can bring it back. It's not his, and I will do whatever it takes to make sure it's returned. And if that means going to police and blowing the whole situation up, then so be it. I'll file a report, I'll even get a lawyer. Jake started crying and saying I couldn't do this to him. I told him tough luck. He stole from both his sister and dead mother. I would not back down until the ring was returned. Jake wouldn't stop crying and making excuses. So I told him to have the ring back by morning, or I would be moving forward with legal action. Jake is my son, but he still broke the law. And I couldn't overlook what he did. He said he'd be by in the morning to talk, and ended the call while crying even more. Well Jake did show up in the morning, and brought his girlfriend with him to try and guilt us. Turns out she not only knew he stole the ring, she wanted to keep it anyway. Because she was completely in love with the ring since she first laid eyes on it. I told her I didn't care. She could have a jeweler make a copy of it or something. But the original doesn't belong to her, it belongs to my daughter and deceased wife. Jake begged me one more time not to make her give it back. But I and my daughter stood firm. Return the ring or face police and maybe even a potential lawsuit. Jake's girlfriend pulled the ring off her finger and dropped it in my daughter's hands, called me an evil bastard, then left my house in tears. Jake started screaming at me that I may have just destroyed his relationship. I retorted him that he did this to his own relationship by stealing a ring that didn't belong to him. What kind of son steals from his own sister and dead mother? That is beyond terrible! Jake had nothing more to say to me and walked out to follow after his girlfriend. I didn't get anyone else involved in the situation. But Jake did. He tried getting support from friends and family. But he got the exact opposite reaction he'd hoped for. They were all mad at him over what he'd done. I got many phone calls and message from people offering me condolences and saying they were not on Jake's side. I tried to do damage control. But now everybody knows. It's been a week now, and Jake's refused to speak to me. I've sent him detailed pictures of the ring, just in case he wanted a jeweler to replicate it. But making a copy would be very expensive unless he used fake stones. And thus far there has been no response. I don't know what the situation is with his girlfriend. If she even still is his girlfriend after what happened. But I still stand by the fact that Jake had to return the ring. I have since had all my wife's jewelry placed in a safety deposit box that only I have access to. And the jewelry will remain there until my daughter is 21. And may even stay there if she wants to keep it safe that way. I know I'm in the right to have reclaimed the ring. However I don't want my son to hate me. And I don't want the family to hate him. If anyone has any advice as to how to better mediate this situation without me giving away the ring or spending a lot of money, I'm all ears. [Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/y74e26/update_my_son_stole_his_dead_mothers_ring_for_his/) *posted on October 18, 2022* **(Update) My son stole his dead mother's ring for his girlfriend, and is now blaming me for his relationship ending** Well my son's girlfriend Sara has officially broken up with him. He's devastated and blaming me. Some previously pointed out that I gave him too much credit in saying he was a good kid. He used to be. But the person he is now, I just do not recognize. Whether he was always like this deep down, or if he just fell for the wrong person and let her change him for the worse is a mystery to me. But it doesn't justify what he did. After I forced him and Sara to return the stolen ring, she apparently spent days crying in bed, then told Jake that she didn't want a different ring no matter how much he told her he'd get her another one. She wanted my deceased wife's ring. And she couldn't imagine possibly having a different one for their engagement now that it had already been on her hand. Even though it was only for a few hours and stolen. The last time I met someone who cried that much about being made to return stolen property, they were four years old. I heard more than one person say they thought Sara was being a big baby about it. The situation was no secret because Jake spilled the beans looking for support to the whole family and his/Sara's friends. As previous readers know, that backfired badly for them. Well after Jake's failed gambit for support, all the local drama lovers latched onto the situation like barnacles to a boat. And they kept messaging me with more information, even though I wasn't asking. So I was being kept in the loop even though Jake and Sara weren't talking to me. My son had the pictures I sent him so that he could try and replicate the ring, and took them to a jeweler. The jeweler said he could make a similar ring based on the pictures. But he'd want to closely examine the original and take proper measurements to make an evaluation of the stones and metal in order to see what it'd take to make as close of a copy as possible. Jake waited for a while before swallowing his pride to call me again. His girlfriend was finally at least entertaining the idea of making a copy. But she wanted it to be an EXACT copy, down to the smallest detail. They called me a couple days after I made my original post and asked me to bring the ring to a jeweler to get a proper quote on the cost of making a duplicate. I agreed to take an extended lunch break and meet at the local jeweler. I got the ring from the safety deposit box and guarded it closely. I could see Sara's eyes light up with greed the moment she saw it again. She reached her hand out and asked to wear it just one more time, then pouted like a child when I told her no. For all I knew she'd take off running the second she had it. The jeweler looked at the ring very closely for a little while, and said it was worth more than we thought. And to copy it would cost a lot. The ring was decades old, and expertly crafted by my wife's grandfather some time in the 1940s . The jeweler singed it's praises even. The diamond and sapphires were decently large for an engagement ring, and the ring itself didn't use a slim gold band, but a pretty thick and heavy one made of what was estimated to be 18 karat gold. But there was more. The stones themselves were set in platinum, and the ring had many ornate floral carvings on it. The stones alone needed to make an identical ring was more than Jake's current budget. And not including antique value, making a copy of a ring like that with that variety of materials would cost a lot in time and labor because every part of it would have to be hand crafted. If was five times what Jake had saved. The best he could have done would be to make a down payment and then spend years in debt. Sara enthusiastically wanted Jake to have the ring made anyway. But the cost was just too much. So the jeweler suggested they have one made that just looks the same. It didn't need to be made of the exact same materials. They could use a center stone that just looked similar to diamond, and replace the platinum with a similar metal I can't remember the name of. But it would have reduced cost by a lot. There was also a suggestion of looking for a modern ring that looks similar that's already made. Which would be far cheaper as well. In fact the Jeweler already had three rings set aside that all looked somewhat similar with a central diamond and sapphires. And all very reasonably priced. Jake was all for either idea when Sara suddenly slapped him while calling him a cheap broke-ass wannabe. Then turned on her heel to me and called me an evil bastard again for taking the original ring back because it had already been given to her when Jake proposed, and should still be hers regardless. Then she held up her hand in the manor one does when they expect you put a ring on their finger, and outright demanded the ring back while saying it was her right to wear it, and that my daughter wouldn't need it because it'd go to waste with her. She actually said it's not like my daughter would be doing the proposing to anyone since a man could just get a different ring for her some day. Oh boy did that make me angry! And she clearly noticed because she took a couple of steps back. I looked her dead in the eye and said that my wife's family ring will NEVER be hers. It wasn't Jake's to give away. And he knew it. That's why he went out of his way to steal it while I wasn't home. Because he hoped I wouldn't demand it back if he used it. But neither he nor she ever had a right to it. Then I said that it's entitled people like her that are what's wrong with the world now. She acts like whatever she wants should be handed to her. And she's lusted after my wife's ring ever since Jake first showed it to her. That whole speech was a bit long-winded with some conjecture, I know. But I just couldn't hold myself back verbally anymore. My wife used to tell me that if I wanted to insult someone, I always figured out exactly what to say. After I said all of that to Sara's face, she aimed to slap me too. But I guess the look in my eyes was enough to make her turn away and storm out instead while while very loudly making some sort of unintelligible tantrum noises that hurt my ears. She even intentionally knocked down a counter display on her way out. Jake was glaring at me with absolute rage, but didn't say anything until I asked him why he was with this awful woman. And he just said that he loved her and followed after. To his credit, she is very beautiful. But it's really just skin deep. Sara wouldn't talk to Jake for a while, and then a few days later told him they were through because she felt like he didn't value her enough to get her the ring she deserved, and that she couldn't imagine having a miser like me as a father-in-law. She said she felt thoroughly humiliated by me. And cried that people all think she's a gold digger now. But I don't think they are wrong. I mean, she slapped my son just for suggesting they make a cheaper version of an expensive ring he could not afford. Then threw a massive tantrum just because I wouldn't hand over the original when she demanded it. That's the behavior of a gold digger if I've ever seen any. And while it is an assumption on my part, exactly how long would Sara have stayed with my son if someone rich came along and swept her off her feet? Would she have been inclined to still stand by him? Something tells me not so. I honestly feel like she just wanted the ring and nothing else. Right after the incident with the breakup, Jake did try to get in my house again while I wasn't home. To do what I have no idea. But if I were to speculate, he may have been after the cash in my gun-safe, or thought the family jewels were still in the house. I hadn't told him at that point that I'd had them stored away in a deposit box. And I really didn't want to think my own son would break in for either of those reasons. But he stole from us once. He could do it again. Someone here suggested I replace the locks on my house, and I did. So Jake's key would no longer work. I'm looking into getting cameras put in now too. My daughter Amber called me after Jake showed up and said she was terrified while he was banging on the front door and demanding to be let in. I called his cell and he didn't pick up. But I guess it spooked him because Amber said he left right after his phone started ringing. He has a set ringtone for me. So he knew it was me calling in an instant. Jake called later that evening, but before he could start yelling at me, I demanded to know what the hell he was doing trying to break into my house while I wasn't home earlier. He scared his sister and she nearly called police. Jake dodged the question by being angry about me changing the locks because I don't trust him. I said, damn right I don't trust him. Not after what he did. Jake fired back that I couldn't just be happy for him. And that if his mom was still alive, she'd have wanted him to use the ring to propose. I saw red and said that if she wanted that, she'd have willed it to him! So he began whining and saying it was all my fault. He explained exactly what Sara said when she broke up with him, and how she called me a miser, among other things. Then ranted about how I always thought Sara was never good enough for him. But I pointed out he was putting words in my mouth. I never said she wasn't good enough for him. I barely knew Sara. And I never once got in the way of him being with her till he stole the ring. He tried to deny that. But I asked him when I'd ever said anything bad about Sara prior to the ring incident. He really sounded like he was thinking hard. But even he couldn't remember any actual time because I barely saw this woman ever while they were dating. I wasn't even aware they were dating till at least three months had gone by in their relationship. But that was all beside the point. What the hell was he trying to get into my house for this time! He refused to answer. So I answered for him. I said if he was after the ring, or any of the other family jewels. They've been moved to a secure safe location only I have access to. And if he was trying to break into my safe for my emergency cash fund, there's no way he'd get it open. Or if he was there to do any sort of harm to his sister, I'd kick his ass myself. I may have hit the nail in the head with at least one of those things, because Jake just had a long silent pause on the line. Then he told me he's made up his mind to put in for a transfer at his job and sell his condo. He wants to move as far away as possible and never speak to me again. His last words to me were to have a nice life with my favorite child. I don't understand how my son has so completely changed on this level in just a year. I never actually called Sara a manipulative gold digger until recently. I said she had my son wrapped around her finger and she loves jewelry. Though I guess that's not all that different in the long run. But in truth she 'is' a manipulative gold digger. Especially after the drama act she put on to try and keep a ring that was never hers. I mean she spent days in bed crying over a ring she knew was stolen. And then had her huge tantrum at not being able to get it back or copy it. And now because of her, my son has chosen to wash his hands of me and his sister altogether. I am devastated. But at the same time furious that my son would do such things just to appease this witch of a woman he'd only been dating eight months. That's not enough time dating before proposing. I dated my wife for over two years before popping the question. I shudder to think what things would have been like if that witch had married my son. I know Jake is going to blame me for a long time. And I'm not sure if we'll ever speak again. I hope one day we can reconcile. But for now I think we need time apart. Amber is also very upset. She's extremely thankful I got the ring back for her. But she's just as shocked as I was that Jake has become like he is now. And she's referring to him as a brute for how he shoved her aside when he stole the ring, and also calling him a simp. Whatever that means. Thankfully she has a great support system with me and the rest of the family. Something I know Jake doesn't have right now. Multiple family members have called or messaged him to tell him off. And his now former best friend even came to me to apologize. He and Jake got in a nasty fight over what he'd done. And when his own best friend since elementary school didn't see things from his side, Jake cut him off too. Jake's ex girlfriend Sara also got in trouble with her own family. Her parents contacted me to ask for my side of the story and then apologized for their daughter's behavior. They only knew a small bit of what happened. But were appalled to hear about the way she'd acted. Like Jake, they said she used to be a much kinder person. But in the past few years she's changed so much. They are severely disappointed in her. They were also covering half of the rent to her current apartment, and are now telling her that when her lease is over, they will not be renewing it with her. She can either pay the full rent herself, or look for somewhere else to live. And now she's going around cursing my name and saying this is all my fault. What is it with people these days? It's like ever since all those memes about entitled people on the internet have exploded, it just made more people like them. When I was Jake's age, I only saw people like that on rare occasions. Now they're everywhere. I've seen two in the local supermarket this year even. And they're spreading their toxicity like a flood on the world. I can only hope one day my son comes to his senses and finds happiness again. Whether or not he chooses to speak with me ever again. I'll hold out hope he'll one day return to being the kind person he once was. [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/yuzapx/update_2_my_sons_ex_was_obsessed_with_the_ring/) *posted on November 14, 2022* **(Update 2) My son's ex was obsessed with the ring** I'll start this off by asking that people please stop messaging me for pictures of the ring. I've gotten many asking me to see it for various reasons. Some even because they want a similar ring made as well. Well I made my daughter aware of this Reddit account, and she's proud of me for doing it. But she doesn't want pictures of the ring online. And that's her decision to make because the ring is hers. I don't need to question her as to why. I just need to respect her decision. I also don't like the idea of posting pictures of it because if it gets copied by total strangers, then it'd no longer be unique. I was willing to let my son copy the ring because it was a family matter. But I won't be posting it for everyone to see and replicate as they please. I've already long deleted the pictures of the ring I sent Jake. And the ring is locked away in a bank vault right now. It will not remain there permanently as I intend to get a better home safe to keep it in when I can afford it. In the past few weeks since my original post, I did have cameras installed. And I'm thankful I did. For those wondering if my son and Sara would get back together, no they did not. My son is apparently really selling his condo. And he's not spoken to me since our last phone conversation where he told me to have a nice life with my favorite child after not getting his way. I have been to see my lawyer about my estate, and got my will altered. I haven't written my son out. But he's lost a lot of the things he would have otherwise inherited for the time being. After having some time to think, I've realized I just can't feel remorse for Jake anymore after his actions as of late. My daughter Amber calling him a Simp seems to be an apt description, once I found out what that meant. But I just don't want to be angry or sad about it anymore. Neither emotion is doing me any good. So for now I'm just going to do my best to let it go and move on. Jake seems to plan on moving on without us anyway. Hopefully in time he'll understand what he did wrong. But I can't change his mind for him. I did run into my son's ex Sara at a random place in town. She spotted me while I was with one of my friends in the middle of the local shopping mall. She called out to me while we were in front of a bunch of people and started booing me and calling me a greedy miser. I didn't really have to say anything to her because my friend laughed at her and called her a thief and a gold digging bitch who just wanted my dead wife's ring because she couldn't have it. I saw half the crowd turn to look at her at once when he said that. Sara flipped us off and stormed away while cursing my name and knocking over anything in her path. This included a small child, whom started crying in an instant. When she realized she'd hurt the kid, Sara took off running. My friend and I helped the very pregnant mother of the child in calming the kid down, and thankfully the kid was ok. Sara showed up at my house later to yell that it's all my fault her friends are all saying she's a gold digger now, and won't hang out with her anymore. I said she is a gold digger because of what she did. She never had a right to my wife's ring, and she cried for days about it like a child, then broke up with my son just because he couldn't afford what she wanted. That's all something a gold digger would do. I'm not at fault just because she wanted my dead wife's ring so bad. And I'll make damn sure she never sees it again. What came next was more unintelligible screaming from her as she stomped back to her car. I'd hoped that was the end of it. But that girl just wouldn't leave well enough alone. For those thinking Sara and Jake's personality shifts were due to drugs, I'm not sure whether or not to tell you I'm sorry that isn't the case. It was all them. Which in Jake's case is a harder pill to swallow because it means he has no excuse for such a radical shift in behavior. Sara was arrested last week for attempting to break into my house. The cameras I had installed caught her sneaking into my back yard and trying to break in. She tried to break open my back door with an axe. And that tripped the alarm I had installed. She ran off, but the cameras in front of the house caught video of both her and her car very clearly in my driveway. She also left the axe with her fingerprints on it on the ground before she ran. When police got there, she was long gone. But they later found her at her apartment. They initially just wanted to arrest her for breaking my door and trespassing, but she went crazy on them and wound up getting pinned to the ground and frog-marched out. This woman definitely has something mentally wrong with her. A few days after Sara was arrested, I spoke to her parents again. They offered to pay for the broken door and then filled me in on some of the details. And it seems drugs were not involved. They told me she was given drug tests at the station and her system came back clean. And since she wasn't on drugs, I don't think Jake was either. But Sara was found to be very mentally unwell. So I guess it was just her crazy that was contagious. Her parents promised me that I'll never have to deal with her again as they plan to move her out of town once they've dealt with the legalities of her situation. And they haven't contacted me again since. But I wouldn't say it's my business that they do either. I'm guessing though that Sara likely needs major mental health treatment. So in a sense I do feel a little sorry for her now. I knew Jake had to be aware of what happened with Sara since everyone was talking about it. But he has not reached out to any friends or family. One of the people he works with has contacted me though, and told me Jake is still openly very angry about what happened. He still believes the ring would have been a small price to pay for his happiness. But now that Sara has been taken away, Jake has also shifted blame onto her. And saying she's the crazy gold digging woman who ruined his life. It seems all he can do is blame, blame, and blame other people some more. Until he accepts fault in his own actions, then I don't think we can have a relationship. He's not going to do well in life if he can't take responsibility for his own actions. I just hope that some time alone wherever he chooses to go will help him to mellow out and understand where he went wrong. This is likely to be my last update here, unless something else goes wrong. And if no new posts show up in the coming months or years, then you'll all know everything is fine. At least as much as it can be, considering the situation. **Reminder - I am not the OP**

Shelly_895

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z0zzry/oops_son_stole_his_dead_mothers_ring_to_propose/

z0zzry

OOP - I(M29) am freaking out with my girlfriend's (F22) behavior and I'm not sure how to confront her.

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z10us1/oop_im29_am_freaking_out_with_my_girlfriends_f22/

z10us1

OP: "I ruined my sisters marriage and I can’t live with myself because of it"

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***I am NOT the OP, this is a repost!*** TW:>! Drug use, mentions of death!< ​ [**Original**](https://www.reveddit.com/v/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ytmdvm/i_ruined_my_sisters_marriage_and_i_cant_live_with/?ps_after=1668315927%2C1668338512%2C1668372428)**, on** r/TrueOffMyChest**, November 12th 2022 (Recovered through reveddit; original account deleted by OOP)** ​ **I ruined my sisters marriage and I can’t live with myself because of it** My younger sister and her husband (bil) are/were like the greatest love story I ever known until I ruined their marriage. And I don’t know how to live with the guilt. My family has cut all contact with me and I can’t even blame them for it. The guy who I was interested in also left me and now I see him happy in a new relationship but I can’t but blame myself. About a year ago I was on a hen weekend for my best friend in the big city, that’s where my bil has a small over night rental for when he work in the city. We (him and I) decided to meet to exchange Christmas gifts because they were spending Christmas with his family and my sister was probably 30 weeks pregnant. They live a few hours away. He ran late at work so I was already bar hopping with the girls and when I texted him my location that was the last thing I remember. I remember there was drugs and alcohol involved and I woke up in bil’s bed in my undies. Bil was livid because I never taken drugs and he thought I was stupid experimenting alone in a city I didn’t exactly know. He found me outside, passed out in a mini dress when it was below zero degrees. I was covered in vomit as well so he took me home. He didn’t want me to sleep in my dirty clothes and he tucked lots of pillows behind me so I didn’t sleep on my back and maybe choke on my vomit. Bil lost one of his best friends growing up this way. He spent the night sitting in a chair next to the bed scared that I would fall on my back and die. He was really livid the next day and called me all sorts of “immature, careless, stupid, ignorant” I could have been hurt, OD, assaulted. I agreed with everything he said because I was reckless and i was so ashamed of it. He told me never to speak of this to anybody especially my sister who is the jealous type. I agreed against my better judgment. But he was so kind to me and probably saved me that night so I agreed. Besides him and me one of the girls I travelled with figured it out when I disappeared from the club without jacket and bag (she had them) and then later bil asked her to drop by with fresh clothes and coat. She must be the one who spread what happened. A few months later my sister got the version that I spent the night with bil. And that I needed a change of clothes. Us not telling her everything immediately when it happened only made it worse. They are separated now processing the divorce. My sister is broken and my baby niece is going to grow up in a broken home where her parents fight over custody. My mother and the rest of the family have all cut contact with me. I wish that bil never found me passed out behind that club that night. I should have dies from od, choking or hypothermia. I’m just so very sorry.😞 ​ **Some comments:** >*have you told your sister all this? Why you did was very stupid but she should be thankful that her husband has probably saved her sisters life* [\[link\]](https://www.reveddit.com/v/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ytmdvm/i_ruined_my_sisters_marriage_and_i_cant_live_with/iw4xpvv/?ps_after=1668315927%2C1668338512%2C1668372428#t1_iw4xpvv) > >>**OOP replies:** >> >>*Yes we told her everything but it was unfortunately too late. She didn’t believe us* ​ >*I’m puzzled by this. Your sister is going to believe one of your drunk party friends over her own husband and sister ? And throw away her entire marriage on this person who never saw anything actually happen ?* > >*Either your sister has serious issues, or there were other reasons she had to doubt her husband. (Or this is just another Reddit creative writing project.)* [\[link\]](https://www.reveddit.com/v/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ytmdvm/i_ruined_my_sisters_marriage_and_i_cant_live_with/iw5fx21/?ps_after=1668315927%2C1668338512%2C1668372428#t1_iw5fx21) ​ >*He should have called her and told her how he found you and kept on contact with her the entire time. This isn't 100% on you.* [\[link\]](https://www.reveddit.com/v/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ytmdvm/i_ruined_my_sisters_marriage_and_i_cant_live_with/iw583br/?ps_after=1668315927%2C1668338512%2C1668372428#t1_iw583br) ​ >*The really dubious aspect of this story is why BIL didn’t immediately call his wife and tell her he found her sister “passed out covered in vomit on the street outside of a bar”. You find a family member in that situation, natural inclination is to immediately contact family members just to let them know they are safe. Immediately deciding that this a secret we tell no one is sketchy.* [\[link\]](https://www.reveddit.com/v/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ytmdvm/i_ruined_my_sisters_marriage_and_i_cant_live_with/iw5rb1h/?ps_after=1668315927%2C1668338512%2C1668372428#t1_iw5rb1h) ​ >*I have questions. Are you sure there wasn't some other issue between them as a couple and they were not as fairy tale as everyone thought?* > >*Because how quickly your sister threw it away and this line in particular has me thinking:* > >>"*He told me never to speak of it to anybody especially my sister because she is the jealous type"* > >*Even if she was the jealous type, what is he trying to say here? That if your sister found out, she would think you her sister and her husband banged in this occasion? What? That's a helluva leap.* > >*I mean, wouldn't your sister just be happy that you were safe? That you were with someone who you both trust? Why does drunk automatically equate something happening?* > >*Also the speed at which he suggested that you two keep it quiet - I think he has been in the dog house before.* [\[link\]](https://www.reveddit.com/v/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ytmdvm/i_ruined_my_sisters_marriage_and_i_cant_live_with/iw5b0gn/?ps_after=1668315927%2C1668338512%2C1668372428#t1_iw5b0gn) > >>**OOP replies:** >> >> *If there was issues nobody knew about them* ​ [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yuah2w/update_i_ruined_my_sisters_marriage_and_i_cant/)**, on** r/TrueOffMyChest**, November 13th 2022 (OOP has deleted her second account)** ​ **<update> I ruined my sisters marriage and I can’t live with myself because of it** I'm sorry that I deleted my account yesterday. I just felt overwhelmed by the people who contacted me to say that it was fake. I really freaked out and was very hurt. I don't know why my lack of ability to write makes my conundrum less serious. I don't get the "this is not the whole story" either. I spent 4 hours trying to make the text as short as possible. I thought I did a great job. I don't want to convince you to believe me because it doesn't matter either way but I have to say that I never seen a post be so attacked. why so heartless? I will answer a few of the questions people asked and then I have a small update because I have been in contact with bil several times today and I ended up sending him the post (thank goodness the link worked even with the account deleted and him nothing on reddit). 1. Where everyone lives: I live in the same town as the rest of the family, 5 hours away from the big city. my sister and her husband live 2 hours away from the big city in the opposite direction. this means we live 7-8 hours apart. 2. Why I was alone that night: I wasn't, my friends were inside the club. I went out for some reason and passed out. The club is on a busy street and everyone was drunk at that time. Nobody was paying any attention. Bil found me because he recognized me. 3. Why bil didn't talk to his wife (my sister) immediately: I don't know. I was passed out. He said he knew her well. She would be suspicion anyway and probably try to drive in the snow and still think we were up to something. 4. Why I didn't go to a hospital: Drugs are illegal here. Bil didn't want me to get into trouble and I think that he thought that I was just very drunk. I could lose my job if I got it on my record that I had used substance. 5. Was I roofied: No, unfortunately I remember that I was very drunk and it sounded excited to take a pill a guy one of my friends knew Wass passing. It was all me and my stupidity. ALL. MY. STUPIDITY. 6. Why bil didn't put a t-shirt on me or something: HE HAD COVERED ME UP WITH THE DUVET WHILE I WAS SLEEPING. When I woke up, he lent me his gym clothes. I have talked to bil today. Someone here suggested a lie detector test. I really got very excited. Anyway when I talked to bil he wasn't as excited. He told me that he would be brutally truthful with me now. He doesn't want to salvage his marriage. He said that these months has made him understand that my sister and him are wrong together. My sister was cheated on in her previous relationship and according to him she was punishing him for what the other dude did to her throughout their relationship. He never said anything because he loved her and when it was good between them it was great. That is the part we all got to see. The fairy tale kind of love. He was terrified when I spent the night in his place and wanted to do anything for her not to find out. What happened with me brought back his ptsd from his best friend's passing and when my sister found out he hoped that she would at least be understanding because she knew about his best friend. Her unsupportiveness when he needed her made him realize that he didn't love her anymore. I sent him the post all the same. He apologized (for some reason) for what my mom did (she beat me because she believed sister). I called him again and asked him if I could at least do the poly to give sister proof that I was innocent. He said that I should do what I saw fit. He said that all he wanted now is to fight for his daughter because my sister is trying to block him from getting custody. He also said that he has been dating a girl for a few weeks now. So that's it. He is moving on. I texted my sister that I was willing to do a poly to proof that I was truthful. She didn't answer me. My mother did however. She told me to leave my sister alone or they would call the cops on me and get a restraining order. she also called me a junkie and she threatened to rat me out to my work place. I don't know if the guilt will ever leave me. There is no coming back from this and everybody seem to be moving on. Maybe time for me to move on too. ​ **Some comments on the update post:** >*I hope hearing the truth about their relationship will help you realise that no matter if that night happened or not they most likely wouldn’t have had a “fairytale ending” because their relationship wasn’t as perfect as you thought. Your BiL doesn’t blame you so try not to blame yourself, it wasn’t your fault. The reason the rest of your family is blaming you is because they’re refusing to see the truth. That’s on them, not on you.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yuah2w/comment/iw8fe8l/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) > >>**OOP replies:** >> >>*i have been crying since. Bil told me not to tell my sister that he is dating. I'm so sorry and this will probably break her. I don't think I could just shut these feelings down. it was all me* >*I hope knowing bil realized his marriage was a dead end helps you moving on. Your sister clearly has trust issues, and its not your responsibility. If she would have trusted either you or her husband they would still be married. This is not your fault.* > >*Again, your family sounds toxic and as sadly as it is, you're probably better off not trying to contact them. Treat yourself and try finding a way back to normality. Therapy is never a bad idea, even if its just short for hearing from a professional that you did not ruin someone else's life. You needed help that night and luckily you got it. Thats it. All the best.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yuah2w/comment/iw8lky1/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) > >>**OOP replies:** >> >>*thank you. this is just all so unnecessary and hurtful. my sister will hate me even more once she finds out bil is already dating* ​ # Friendly reminder that I am NOT the OP, this is a repost!

swankycelery

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z10vrk/op_i_ruined_my_sisters_marriage_and_i_cant_live/

z10vrk

Moving on

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easily4gotten4ever

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z11y7v/moving_on/

z11y7v

Pomor Refferal

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Hairy_Shame9322

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z16pjv/pomor_refferal/

z16pjv

TIFU by expecting my family to pay for my birthday dinner

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woodtori

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z16y20/tifu_by_expecting_my_family_to_pay_for_my/

z16y20

OOP grateful to Dyson for their fan app revealing his wife's affair (part 1 of 2)

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z16zeo/oop_grateful_to_dyson_for_their_fan_app_revealing/

z16zeo

OOP grateful to Dyson for their fan app revealing his wife's affair (part 2 of 2)

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z1787g/oop_grateful_to_dyson_for_their_fan_app_revealing/

z1787g

AITA for suing my girlfriend after she had my 1967 impala project taken to the scrapyard?

REPOST

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/jimothyisyouruncle in r/amitheasshole** ---   [**AITA For suing my girlfriend after she had my 1967 impala project taken to the scrapyard?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gr8bp3/aita_for_suing_my_girlfriend_after_she_had_my/) - 27 May 2020 I'll try to keep this short. I had a [1967 Impala 4 door](https://i.imgur.com/HLBPpTF.jpg) that I bought in Feb 2019. A couple months ago I bought my first house that had a 2.5 car garage. I moved the car in and started tearing it down for a complete restoration. I had the body in one bay and the chassis in another, plus the whole garage filled with parts. About two months ago my girlfriend came to live with me during this whole crisis and the whole time has hated that car. She wants to park in the garage but I have 2 acres of land with a lot of nice places to park under shady trees or hell even in the barn if it has to be inside. I tell her tough luck its my house and its not like I can just throw it back together real quick. Anyways I was out of town for a couple days on a business trip for the small local company I work for. When I got back, my girlfriend was all smiles. Making me food all the time, doing all the chores, all that. I though maybe she just was happy to have me home but then I realized that I didn't see her car in it's usual spot. I asked her where she parked so I could make sure I mow that area and keep it clean and she said not to worry because she parked in the garage. I asked how and she told me to go check it out. Turns out that while I was gone she hired some people to come over and move everything related to that car, including the drivetrain, body, and chassis and all parts, and take it to the local dump/scrapyard. I was absolutely dumbfounded. I had spent over 11k on that car including new parts, services, and the car itself. I told her that I was going to be taking her to court for that and she brushed me off like I was being dramatic. I told her that its done between us and to pack her things and leave. I admit I was a really angry but I did end up getting a lawyer, and as I have all the receipts for all that money spent and I have her on my house's security cam footage letting the guys in and watching them take it all I think I can win. Her family and friends are absolutely blowing me up saying its just a stupid old piece of junk and that she cannot pay back all that money I spent, and that I should just let it go. But I have been putting all my time, effort, and money into that car for a year and a half now and goddammit if I am not going to get justice for what she did. AITA Verdict: NTA **Edit:** Thank you all so much for the support and awards and everything. I'm glad I have some people on my side. I got a call from her mom about 20 minutes ago and she told me that i was ruining her daughter's life over a stupid car. I told her she ruined her own life. I've been gathering documentation and stuff and I'm about to head down to the police station and file a report, as suggested by lots here. Once again thank you all **UPDATE:** went to the police station last night, was told to come back in the morning. just got back and filed an official report against her for grand larceny and grand theft auto. i showed them all the receipts i had for the car and the footage of her letting the guys come and take it as well as the title for the vehicle in my name. they said they will be in contact with all 3 parties (me, ex gf, and junkyard guys) soon and they will hopefully be able to recover some or all of the car. just have to wait now **HUGE UPDATE: THEY FOUND MY GODDAMN CAR!!** the junkyard guys apparently were in the middle of hiding it when the police came to ask them questions. it was on a forklift and they were gonna put it on top of a pile of cars that was hidden behind more piles of cars. they said it was theirs and they had the title, but obviously didnt have the title for it and since they matched the vin on the chassis and body to the vin on my title, it was obviously mine. I know at least one person there has been arrested, i think he was in the camera footage i talked about earlier but idk if it was the boss or whomever or even his specific charge, they also told me they would be looking into this specific junkyard for any other vehicles reported stolen. they said they haven't been able to get in contact with my ex just yet but they're working on it. im just so glad they found my car. luckily i made quite an album of pictures detailing me tearing down the car and so i can use that to prove what parts they had were mine so i can hopefully get most or all of it back. police haven't let me take it back home yet as they say it is evidence or something so hopefully i can get it back eventually. thank you all so much for the support and advice! SHES GONNA BE ALRIGHT   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z18inj/aita_for_suing_my_girlfriend_after_she_had_my/

z18inj

My husband got jealous over the girl he led-on for years at our wedding

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**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throawayweddingnight in r/trueoffmychest** ---   [**my husband got jealous over the girl he led-on for years at our wedding**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yo6al9/my_husband_got_jealous_over_the_girl_he_ledon_for/) - 6 November 2022 I (25f) got married to my husband (24m) (we’ll call him Jim) a week ago after dating for 2 and a half years. Jim has a friend called Misha (22f) who was invited to the wedding. He and Misha have known each other since highschool and were close friends and Misha had a very obvious crush on Jim from what he and others who know them have told me. Jim told me this after I met Misha for the first time and confessed that he leaned in to her crush and led her on throughout their highschool years and for a little while after, before we got together because he was struggling with his mental health and he really liked her attention. He seemed genuinely guilty about all of that because he thought Misha was a nice girl and a good friend and because he showed guilt I didn’t feel the need to bring it up or argue about it despite thinking it was a shitty thing to do. Plus, Misha is a nice girl who has never overstepped boundaries and has been nothing but kind and friendly towards me and I now consider her a friend too. Misha moved away to the city last year and has done really well for herself and has a long term boyfriend who none of us have met yet so when it came to sending wedding invites, I told her she was welcome to bring him as her plus one. The first red flag came when Jim was weirdly resistant to the idea of Misha bringing her boyfriend but he excused it on being concerned about the number of guests we invited and the matter was dropped. When the wedding day came, Misha showed up in this beautiful dress (nothing inappropriate for a wedding) and with her boyfriend on her arm who I’ll admit is a very handsome guy (think a Kit Harrington type). She’s also lost weight and has a haircut that suits her better and I thought she looked great. We also found out throughout the night that her boyfriend is very successful and earns more than practically anyone else who attended. Throughout the reception I noticed Jim glaring at Misha and her boyfriend the whole time and he was really cold and short towards her when she came over to congratulate us and give us a gift. He was also straight up kinda rude to her boyfriend when Misha introduced us to him. When his mom (who’s always known and liked Misha) mentioned that she was glad Misha found a great guy and praised her boyfriend for being so nice, Jim snapped that “at least she won’t be desperate and hung up on me for the rest of her life” which I thought was cruel and uncalled for but I didn’t challenge him because I didn’t want to argue at my wedding despite the fact that he frankly sounded bitter. The whole thing has left an awful taste in my mouth and I can’t help but think that Jim got jealous that Misha has found a guy who’s honestly quite a catch who she’s clearly very in love with and is now completely over Jim. **Half-update:** after getting some PMs from people, I decided to go through his phone while he was napping after work and needless to say this marriage is over. I’ll post a real update when I have sorted everything out.   [**update: my husband got jealous over the girl he led-on for years at our wedding**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yujs06/update_my_husband_got_jealous_over_the_girl_he/) - 14 November 2022 Hey everyone, I’m posting this here because I said in my last post that I would update when I was able to. Pretty much the day after my original post, I got some PMs from people suggesting that I go through my husband Jim’s phone to see if he and Misha were truly just friends before this and that nothing romantic happened between them that would explain his reaction at the wedding. He always takes a 45 minute nap after work and so I used that as my opportunity to swipe his phone from where it was charging on his desk so that I could look through it (I’ve seen him put in his passcode a tonne of times so that wasn’t an issue). I didn’t find anything in his texts with her, but I know that Jim goes on instagram a lot so I checked there too. The immediate red flag was that he’d used an app-lock that required a passcode to access instagram but the dumbass used the same passcode that he uses to unlock his phone so I got into that right away (it’s his birth year go figure). And what would you know? I go to his messages with Misha and find messages from him the morning after our wedding telling her how beautiful she’d looked that night, how much he’d missed her, how he felt that her boyfriend being there spoiled his opportunity to catch up with her and that he was desperate to meet up with her. Misha never replied to these messages and he sent some more to her later that day. I won’t get into what he said because they were very personal insults that were frankly just gross, but just think about the kind of stuff you would read on that niceguys subreddit. Misha left him on read and when I clicked on her account it appears that she’s blocked him. I scrolled through their messages quite far back and I believe nothing romantic has happened between them. I wish that was all, but looking into his other conversations on instagram. I found that he’s been messaging other girls on there. They seemed like aspiring instagram model types from our area. Most of these conversations were just him shooting his shot and getting left on read, but others had evolved into flirting and two of them resulted in sexting. And the most embarrassing part of all? The nudes he was sending to these women weren’t even of him. I know what his body looks like and he doesn’t have chiselled abs and isn’t that well endowed. I think he must’ve found a man’s profile on some adult website and used those pictures just cropping the face out. These two conversations happened in the past 6 months. I ended up texting his mom and his brother from my phone asking them to come and pick him up from the apartment and then I went to wake him up. I told him that I knew about the girls he was messaging on instagram, that he needed to pack a bag and get the hell out before I started throwing his stuff out on to the street and causing a scene. He started crying and begging me not to kick him out and swore that they were just messages and that he would never actually cheat on me, but I don’t believe him for a second. Then he had the nerve to tell me that he didn’t want to me to tell anyone else about what he’d done but I had left the room and started ignoring him by that point. He left with his mom and brother and is staying there from what I know, I’ve blocked him on everything for the time being until I’m ready to tell him that I’m seeking annulment. Thankfully where I’m from, you can get one almost no-questions-asked as long as you haven’t been married for longer than 30 days and I’ve already looked into the process. I haven’t really left my apartment at all this week and I’ve been calling in sick to work because I don’t feel like I can face people. I’m just so embarrassed that I’ve wasted over two years on this man and that I married him in the first place. I don’t feel like I can even talk to people about this, so posting here has helped and I’d like to thank you all for your kind words, advice, and support. I might reach out to Misha when the dust has settled but I think I’ll need to build up some courage for that.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z1aic9/my_husband_got_jealous_over_the_girl_he_ledon_for/

z1aic9

Walking into a random McDonald’s and pretending your an employee

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Throwawayforcodm1

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z1ddk4/walking_into_a_random_mcdonalds_and_pretending/

z1ddk4

AITA for letting my brother call me "dad" and refusing to tell him the ugly truth?

REPOST

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/aminottheasshole in r/amitheasshole** ---   [**AITA for letting my brother call me "dad" and refusing to tell him the ugly truth?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ehmsme/aita_for_letting_my_brother_call_me_dad_and/) - 30 December 2019 I'm well aware that this story sounds extremely hard to believe and fake, and I'm aware that there will be many "shitpost" comments below. Sorry, but this story is 100% true and it is a hot topic of discussion in my family at the moment. I was born when my parents were both 19, and my only other brother (let's call him Josh) was born when they were 42. They divorced shortly after Josh was introduced to the world (he was 4 months old at the time), and they both wanted nothing to do with the child. At the time, I was 23 and I was living alone with my then-girlfriend who was 21 (now my wife), and I done my best to convince at least ONE of them to take care of young Josh for his sake and the family's sake, but they refused adamantly and said that I should be taking custody of him instead. So I became legal guardian of my brother and he's been living with us for the past 12 years and things have been going really smooth for us. Josh, now almost 13, has been calling me "dad" and my wife "mum" and our two children (4F, 9M) his siblings and he has absolutely NO idea about his real parents, and to be honest, I let all of that slide. He has NO idea that I'm really his blood brother and not his father, and I'm starting to feel guilty and a little weird. Some of my uncles and aunts come to visit occasionally and they are really disgusted at the fact he calls me "dad" and they are surprised I haven't told him the truth. They constantly messaged me, talked to me in private and I cannot chat to them without this one particular topic rising up - badgering me to let him know already but I refused. I discussed this with my wife and she thought it would be wrong to tell him the truth because none of my parents wanted to take care of him and I'm the only person in the world who gave him the "father figure" everyone deserves. I feel that he has the right to know what he is to me and what I truly am to him, but he's suffered enough already and I just want things to continue how it is. Reddit, AITA? WIBTA if I let him know the truth? Verdict: NTA **UPDATE:** About 70% of the comments are advising me to tell my son who I really am to him, and some are saying "sooner than later". I've just got up to discuss this with my wife and now after a lot of hesitation, we've decided that it's best the truth comes from us and it has to come now. Right now, it's late for us, but we shall address this to him first thing this week, or even tomorrow. Thanks guys.   [**UPDATE: AITA for letting my brother call me "dad" and refusing to tell him the ugly truth?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/etguwh/update_aita_for_letting_my_brother_call_me_dad/) - 24 January 2020 Hey guys! So many people wanted me to update on my previous post and wanted me to seek professional advice first before I take matters into my own hands. Apologies if it is long. I'll try to make it as detailed as possible while making this short. I went to my local therapist and told him about my situation and asked what to do. To keep it short, he said he's heard similar recounts from before and said it is best if I tell him as soon as possible for multiple reasons and to **make sure that my bio-children are present** (multiple reasons). I asked a few of my closest friends and the majority said more or less the same thing. My wife and I decided to sit the kids down and burst the big bubble. I asked my brother Josh to come closer and I made sure I held him close and make him feel comfortable. He asked "What's going on?" but I started by telling us how much we cared and loved for him, then told him everything about my parents (I put them in a bright light in hopes of a reunion) and who I am to him, then quickly hugged him and my other two kids together and told him that I love all my children the same and NOTHING is going to change my love for him. He was shocked and asked if I was joking, but I was starting to cry a little at this point, so he knew I was serious. My bio-children were very surprised too. He was in tears and asked me why I didn't tell him sooner. I didn't know what to say and said "I was just trying to protect you, I'm sorry and I hope you can forgive me", but unfortunately and understandably, he left. He didn't talk to me as much, again, understandably so. I continuously offered him to go out to the park and play a bit of football (he loves that) and all his favourite things, but he just outright declined and even got a little angry sometimes for me even talking to him. I thought I messed up big-time, until one day while my wife and two children were out doing shopping and we were alone, he came up to me and said "I know you're not my real father, but I want to let you know you're the best dad in the whole world. Sorry for before." I hugged him and things got pretty emotional. It would be a big lie to say my house is normal now (far from that), but things are slowly - ever so slowly - starting to brighten up. There's no longer anything to hide anymore and it feels like we are born again. Josh is a tough kid, and he handled this far better than I believed he would. I'll be looking into therapy for him to help him recover just incase it doesn't go well in the long run. I'll strive and continue to be a great dad to my kids, and a great dad to my brother/son. Thank you Reddit for pushing me towards this happy ending. Thank you for all the advice and judgements I got (excluding the rude ones about my uncles and aunts -- eeek!) I love you all. Good night.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z1dr97/aita_for_letting_my_brother_call_me_dad_and/

z1dr97

My GF(F28) has schizophrenia, should I(M28) still consider marrying her?

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[removed]

zeroxion01

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z1fgeb/my_gff28_has_schizophrenia_should_im28_still/

z1fgeb

AITA For Taking Back Our Groceries That My Wife Gave to Her Sister

ONGOING

I am not OP. [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yv9ub1/aita_for_taking_back_our_groceries_that_my_wife/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) posted on Nov 15, 2022 by [u/KPTYYC](https://www.reddit.com/user/KPTYYC/) **AITA For Taking Back Our Groceries That My Wife Gave to Her Sister** My wife (30) wife has a younger sister (28) with four kids. My SIL is a married SAHM and her husband (31) works 35 hours per week. Money is tight for them, but they still go on annual vacations, drive newer cars etc. My wife and I keep separate finances except for a joint credit card and household bill. I also do most of the grocery shopping. This is relevant for later. A couple years ago, I found out my wife had been buying groceries for my SIL on our joint card (about $150-$200 per month for a few months). She said that her sister had come to her saying they were tight on money and that she needed help feeding their kids. This about a month after they had got back from their most recent vacation in Mexico. I told my wife in no uncertain terms that I am not supporting their family. She argued with me saying that we could more than afford it. I replied that I don’t care if she wanted to support them, but that’s her business. My wife stopped buying them groceries on our joint card after, but I'm sure she told her sister because SIL has been standoffish since. In the last few months grocery costs have been increasing thanks to inflation. As a cost-saving measure, I bought a whole cow for about $4K (which works out to about $9/lb and will last us more than a year) and my wife and I split the cost. Yesterday I went to the freezer to pull some steaks and saw the amount of beef was visibly lower. I checked our security cameras and saw my wife leaving the house with a big box. I texted her demanding to know if she had taken a bunch of our meat to SIL, and she replied yes. I grabbed SIL’s keys (we have a copy), drove to their house, knocked on her door and when SIL answered I told her that and I was taking back what my wife brought over. SIL protested saying I was taking food out of her kids mouths, but I said I don’t care. She already had one roast in the oven, I went to their freezer and they had about 40-50lbs of ground beef, steaks, and roasts from our cow, including a couple prime rib roasts. I grabbed it all except the roast in the oven and drove home. My wife yelled at me saying she couldn’t believe how selfish I was and that SIL called her crying. She also said that she paid for half of it and so she could do whatever she liked with it. I yelled back saying you don’t get to decide to give away anything that we pay for together and said she acted like a sneak thief for doing it behind my back. My wife is still angry at me and says until I apologize to her sister. return the meat that I took back, and apologize for calling her a thief, she won’t speak to me. I may be the asshole because my wife pays half the groceries. Verdict: NTA ​ **UPDATE in the same post:** Thanks for all the comments/suggestions/criticisms. Regardless of the vote, consensus is my reaction and behavior was sub-optimal, which I agree it was. I apologized to my wife for calling her a thief, and that I would apologize to her sister for going over to her house in a huff and upsetting her, but said I won't apologize for taking back the meat which we paid for jointly. I laid it all out and said my position on me not buying groceries for their family hadn't changed. I said her husband only works three days a week (12 hour shifts) and if they're struggling for food he needs to pick up more shifts. I also said taking vacations and having new cars is a luxury they can't afford if I have to pitch in to pay for their food. As some of you suggested, I asked my wife why aren't you buying groceries with your own money if you want to support them. My wife responded she's been buying them groceries for the past couple years with her own money because they're up to their eyeballs in loans and credit card debt, but inflation means their groceries have been costing her more and more. She then admitted to putting some things on our joint credit card in the last few months in smaller amounts than two years ago so I wouldn't notice. As for the beef, SIL called her this past weekend crying saying they needed help to the end of the month with food because one of the kids broke their iPad which they use to keep the kids entertained and so they replaced it. She didn't ask me about taking them beef because she knew I would say no if she told me about the iPad and didn't think I would notice since we have so much beef. She said I have no idea how hard it is to raise four kids and they need the iPad. I told her we need to go see a counsellor because we're on different planets if she thinks an iPad is a necessity. So yeah, we're going to do therapy, until then I'm sleeping in the basement. *Answers to Common Questions:* *Why doesn't SIL husband work more or SIL get a job?* He does shift work 3 days a week, 12 hour shifts. He likes it because it frees him up to spend more time with the kids. SIL has never had a job beyond serving as a teenager. *Why don't you put a lock on your freezer?* I would like to stay married and I'm certain if I did this, I wouldn't be married for very long. *Did SIL and her husband pay for their vacations and cars themselves?* I still don't know, but my guess would be credit cards and car loans if they're up to their eyeballs in debt as my wife said. *Why don't you compromise on helping them?* A fair compromise to me if I were to pitch in would be for them to better manage their money i.e. not going on annual vacations to Mexico. The last time I raised that my wife said I was being judgmental. Maybe I'll propose it again in counselling.

newww_heree

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z1i3do/aita_for_taking_back_our_groceries_that_my_wife/

z1i3do

OOP - My ex wife came out as lesbian and left me and my daughters three years ago. and now she's back.

ONGOING

I'm not the OOP. This was posted by a now deleted user in r/trueoffmychest. [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ys5qqt/my_ex_wife_came_out_as_lesbian_and_left_me_and_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (12 Nov 22) **My ex wife came out as lesbian and left me and my daughters three years ago. and now she's back.** throwaway because my daughters follow my main account and i want to avoid any misunderstandings. btw. english is not my native language so if there are any mistakes i wanna apologize. so how do i start this? well three years ago my wife came out as lesbian. we've been together for many years. in fact our oldest daughter was 14 at the time and my youngest was 10. our life was good. both me and my wife worked so we had stable finances and i thought we were happy. that was until one evening my wife sat us down and explained that she was in love with a female colleague from her workplace and that she wants to be with her. she said she was sorry but she had to find out who she was and that that would only be possible if she'd let her old life behind herself blah blah blah. the typical break up nonsense. on that day she left us and cut the contact. for me and my daughters the world fell apart. i knew that i now had to take care of my daughters all by myself. i was in a state of depression for a long time but i kept fighting for my daughters. every attempt to contact my ex wife failed. luckily i found a much better paying job that made it possible for me to give them the world. my daughters had good grades in school and i knew that our life would soon be better again. but once in a while when i took my youngest daughter to bed she asked if i would "leave them like mom". i hugged her and gave her a kiss on the forehead and promised her that i would never leave them and that i loved them more than anything in the world. i was so angry at my ex wife because she was the one that gave her those feelings. i wonder if she ever realized what she had done to our daughters! fast forward to a few weeks ago. my daughters and i sat in the living room and i told them that because christmas month was already next month they should write down what they want for christmas. my oldest daughter is now 17 and my youngest is now 13. while they were busy writing the doorbell rang and i wondered who it was. when i opened the door i froze in shock. it was my ex wife with a big smile on her face. she said she was happy to see me and she tried to hug me but i refused to hug her. my oldest daughter then came up behind me and asked me who it was and when she saw her mother her face expression immediately changed. i've never seen her so angry. my ex wife tried to apologize and she wanted to hug her but my daughter pushed her away and shouted at her to leave and that she never ever wants to see her again. then my youngest daughter also joined us. she just got angry too turned around and went to her bedroom. then my oldest one followed her to comfort her. from the look on her face i figured she was ashamed as she should be! i asked what she wanted. she said that the last three years weren't good years for her. she constantly thought of her daughters and wanted to see them again but for some reason she never came by because she was expecting this exact response from them. but she guessed that she deserved this. she asked if i could talk to them. i told her that i could tell them she was sorry and let them decide but i will not push them into doing anything they don't wanna. she was ok with that and left. she also left me her new number to contact her. i then got into my daughters room. she cried in the arms of her older sister. i told them what their mother has told me. i told them that if they'd wanna meet her they could do that. it would be ok for me. my oldest daughter said that she cannot forgive her for doing what she did and that i was everything they need. it felt good to hear this. really good. i always thought that being a single parent would mean that i might never be enough for my children. hearing this made me so happy. my youngest daughter then said that she always thought she missed her mother but now that she had seen her again she never wants to see her again. i texted my ex wife about that. she read it but she didn't respond. but she didn't gave up that easily. she showed to our house once more while my daughters played ping pong outside. i was in the living room watching TV when i suddenly heard loud shouting outside of the house. i immediately got there and i saw my oldest daughter arguing with my ex wife. my oldest daughter shouted at her that she had no idea what she did to me. she told her about how depressed i was and everything i went through . this was kind of surprising because i wanted my daughters to feel secure with me so i've never told them of my depression and the suffering i went through. then she continued how she felt over the years knowing that her mother left her and that she'll never forgive her. my 13 year old was crying while that happened so i hugged and comforted her but i also don't wanted to interfere because if my oldest daughter wanted to tell her mother anything i'm not gonna stop her just to protect my ex wifes feelings. overall she never cared about our feelings either. after she was done she came hugging me as well and i told my ex wife she should leave us alone once and for all. if she ever showed up here again we get a restraining order. she left with tears in her eyes. well that was three days ago and she hasn't showed up again so far. i just hope she leaves us alone. my daughters made it very clear they don't wanna have anything to do with her. i wanted to give them the opportunity to meet their mother again because if there is any chance that my children have a mother again i don't wanna stay in their way. but i'm glad they didn't gave her the chance. i don't know if it makes me bad person to think this but i also don't think that my ex wife deserves to be with her daughters again so i hope the last encounter delivered the message. thank you for reading <3 Edit: Wow this really blew up! thank you for all your support. i read all of your comments and i'm so thankful for all your positivity. for everyone who wonders. yeah my daughters went to therapy and so did i but i'm afraid the progress we've made could be destroyed by her sudden appearence. Edit 2: thanks for the gold. i never expected this to explode the way it did but thank you so so much for all your support. i appreciate it. but i still wanna clarify something because i read it a few times while going through the comments. i never had a problem with her being gay. her sexuality isn't something she can control. i had a problem because she could have explored her sexuality AND be a loving and caring mother. i do not think that she's gonna try anything but if she does i'm gonna keep you updated. btw. i since this post already blew up so insanely i figured i could show it my daughters as well as they probably would have found it anyways and they are also thankful for your comments and the support. we appreciate you guys. you are an amazing community! btw. we also noticed that our story was shared on tiktok. now that was a surprise. have a nice day! <3 [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yvbbjo/update_my_ex_wife_came_out_as_lesbian_and_left_me/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (15 Nov 22) **UPDATE: My ex wife came out as lesbian and left me and my daughters three years ago. and now she's back.** i actually thought about not using this account anymore but i promised you an update so here i am. she appeared again. but luckily not at home. i think about what's the best way to describe what happened today. lets just say it could also be a part of one of those bad written stereotypical drama series. my younger daughter came home today with a mad look on her face and when i asked what was wrong she started to explain. it all started when my younger daughter got out of school today. usually she just walks home but this time my ex wife waited for her at the exit. she tried to ghost her but she was stubborn and refused to let her go just like that. she offered her a ride home. my daugher refused but she insisted. she prepared herself for running away but before she could my ex wife made her an offer. she would give her a ride home and would try to explain everything to her and if she still don't wanna see her again she'll never show up again. my daughter figured that this could be the best opportunity to get rid of her so she accepted. now here comes the interesting part. she wouldn't drive her home exactly, she just drove around the town for a while while telling her story. according to my daughter she broke up with her girlfriend after one year of her relationship with the coworker because they had too much different interests. she said that while she tried to live her life she constantly had her daughters in her mind. she said she went NC because she deleted the numbers and she hoped that this would help her starting a new life with her girlfriend. she spent the last two years in a depression because she figured she couldn't live without her "babies" around and that she deeply regrets leaving them and that her life was a total mess. she could understand if my daughters hated her but she would try to make everything right if they just gave her the chance. and then my daughter basically \*how i met your mothered her and asked her that what would have happened if her relationship and her life were successful and if her and her older sister are just the consolation prize. quick intervention from me at this point. i was so proud at my daughter at that moment. she is 13 and yet she is so mature and intelligent. i love her. my daughter told me that this question made her really mad and apparently she accused me of "poisoning them against her". funny because i never talked bad about her with my daughers. of course i was angry for a long time so i said a few bad things about her to my coworkers but never to my daughters. she is still the "mother" of my children overall. my daughter said that when she got out of the car she affirmed her will of never seeing her again and my ex wife just nodded and then she drove away. my daughter asked me if we could do anything so she stays away because she doesn't expect her to keep her promise. i called for my older daughter and my younger daughter explained her what happened as well. then i asked them if i should get the restraining order and i explained them what that would mean and what would happen then and they said yes. so yeah this is what i'm gonna do. i know that a few people might think its harsh but its not like i didn't warn her. if anything happens again i keep you updated. **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z1k9uk/oop_my_ex_wife_came_out_as_lesbian_and_left_me/

z1k9uk

AITA for saying my mom named me like a madlibs?

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[removed]

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z1kt15/aita_for_saying_my_mom_named_me_like_a_madlibs/

z1kt15

OOP returned to aerial silks after years off. Her fiancé then began pressuring her to perform acrobatic party tricks with friends, in bed, and their wedding despite being told "no" numerous times

ONGOING

I am not OP; that would be [u/throwraeffective](https://www.reddit.com/u/throwraeffective/) This post was trending on the top of r/ relationship\_advice when the update came out. OOP also posted her update to r/ aerials for more tailored advice from fellow aerialists, and it was awesome to see others in the circus community give advice and support too. I will also post the link to that as well Trigger Warning: >!sexual abuse and non-consensual image sharing!< Mood Spoiler: >!hopeful for the future but a lot of frustrating elements!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/yo0i5o/fianc%C3%A930_keeps_pressuring_mef29_to_perform_party/): November 6th, 2022 I lurked long enough to know that one of the main questions is how long we've been together. I met him in college and we started dating after graduation. I was also recently promoted to a position with different hours that allowed me to pursue a hobby I did through high school. I practice aerial silks, and my new position allows me to clock out before the studio closes. I kept up some conditioning that I used to do in the gym, so it helped me somewhat stay in shape over the years. However, I've noticed a change in my fiancé (James) since inviting him to a practice We were invited to a graduation party over the summer, and one of the games they played involved a volunteer party trick for a prize. James raised his hand on my behalf without warning and asked me to do a split, and everyone was looking at me. Before I continue, my studio had a recital that I didn't feel ready to perform in. I was just getting back after years off, and I vented to him about how I was shy for other reasons. The first was that I was really rusty, and the second was because of some weight I was trying to lose. Those were my reasons for skipping the recital that he knew weeks before the graduation party. So when he asked me to do a split/handstand on the spot, I was really anxious and whispered I didn't want to. But he tried to get others to cheer me on to do it, and that's when I started to cry. I got up to go to the bathroom after they moved on to someone else, and he followed me and apologized too For context, he wasn't like this until he came to my practice, and he did something else a few weeks before the graduation party too. He began asking me to do flexible positions in bed, and I didn't mind the first time he asked. But he has wanted to have more sex since my practice, and he'd ask me about different poses each time. I don't mind sometimes, but he's been unusually pushy since the practice even when I said I didn't want to sometimes. I told him I was fine with it sometimes, but he keeps bringing me new poses he looked up that turn him on but aren't ideal for me, and I felt like an object with his splits request at the graduation. I accepted his graduation apology when we talked at home, and I told him I didn't mind trying poses from time to time. But I also told him that sometimes didn't mean every time, and I also told him how the graduation hurt my feelings. He's since apologized and stopped requesting poses for a few weeks, but something else he said made me wonder if he got it at all He said he wanted to respect my request, but he also asked if I could perform silks at our wedding after looking up some YouTube weddings that featured them. I told him I didn't want to and that it didn't seem like the time or place, not to mention becoming sweaty and having to change clothes. I also pointed out how those videos featured contracted performers and not the bride performing. I haven't told family/friends that I got back into silks because I want to refine my skills/confidence a bit, but he's been pushing me because it'd "help me overcome my fears." But when I told him no, he told me to think about it and that he'd check back with me occasionally, and that really bothered me. I'm not ready, but he doesn't understand that. He's also not the one performing. But he's been really pushy since attending my practice, and it's honestly turning me off a lot. I just wanted to ask how to go forward from here after he said he laid off the bed requests to "give me space", but that "sometimes we need to be pushed to overcome our fears". He has not backed off of me performing, and I'm honestly thinking about calling things off with how pushy he's become *edit: I'm at the point of trying to find the words to call things off. The first talk we had was when I vented about why I didn't feel comfortable performing at the studio recital . The second was after he blindsided me at the graduation and apologized after, and that was when we talked about his bed requests and he promised to stop requesting poses too, and he did* *But then he began using the wedding performance as something he wanted to push me into (to overcome fears) and wouldn't take no for an answer, and that's why I'm at my wits end. He's even been looking into renting a silks rig for the wedding after I said no, and that was my last straw* [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/yugpm5/update_fianc%C3%A930_keeps_pressuring_mef29_to_perform/): November 13th, 2022 (r/ relationship\_advice) [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/Aerials/comments/yufuh1/update_fianc%C3%A930_keeps_pressuring_mef29_to_perform/): November 13th, 2022 that OOP also posted on (r/ aerials) (OOP re-summarized the order of events from her first post at the beginning of her update in response to some who asked. For the sake of length, that can be found in the update links) I talked to him shortly after my post and had a few notes from what I mentioned above. I told him about how he changed since my practice and that I felt like an object since too. From ignoring numerous no's after giving him too many chances, I told him I was done with the relationship because it had been going on for months. But he said I was being unreasonable and that he "gave me space that I asked for. When I told him that I never asked for space, he asked what would happen if our kids never learned to step out of their comfort zone, but I told him that that was unrelated. The bottom line was that he ignored me numerous times over the past few months, but he said I wasn't being fair. He also that he downloaded some photos from my old circus Facebook account (a separate one I used to have for silks only) and posted them for encouragement, and I had no clue until he told me He said he wanted to show me for encouragement because I was "better than I thought", and he took me to an Instagram I didn't know he had. It wasn't his main, and the account was mostly for memes. It also had a different name that wasn't related to anything personal, but he said some of his friends followed it. He showed me some posts that came from downloaded images of my high school/college performances, and he never asked for my consent. He even wrote that I was lacking in confidence, and he showed me some comments that said positive things. But there were also one or two that were somewhat lewd from people I didn't know, and the bottom line was he never asked for consent. He also scrolled away from the lewd ones quickly too. I planned to post my silks comeback on Facebook/Instagram after my first recital, but it hadn't happened yet. He told people that I came back on his account, and he said he planned to show me the account/encouragement closer to the wedding. He also said I was being unfair because it was a "part of me that he found attractive", so I should be willing to do more in bed. He wasn't like this before I got back into silks (after years off) and coming to my practice, and he's been a different person since. He even admitted to getting off to some of the photos, but that he'd rather do it with me. That really bothered me because some of the ones he posted were of me in high school on top of everything else I'm currently working on moving in with a girlfriend temporarily, and she is going to help me move. My now ex-fiancé also made a post about how I was being "unreasonable" and "getting upset at him for supporting me on silks". He also said I was projecting my insecurities onto him for trying to be supportive, but he didn't include the sex pressure or wedding performance he was pushing for. I also asked him to take the photos down, but he said he wouldn't. It really feels like an invasion of privacy. I also talked to my parents as some suggested, and they were happy to learn I got back into silks albeit sad at the same time. My dad is really upset at him and said he's trying to look into the photos being removed, but I'm not sure if much can be done. Mom said that me getting back into silks likely triggered something that was always inside him since he knew I did silks in the past, and he became excited when I got back into it. It's just been really stressful, and I'm taking a break from silks for now. I'll try to go back someday, but I'm just really stressed and will probably take some time off from work too. A few aerialists/circus artists also gave advice in my first post which surprised me, and some said it unfortunately wasn't uncommon to find people like my ex-fiancé who sexualize everything and can't appreciate the art/skills\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ (Comments from OOP, the first in response to reporting the stolen photos): "I will be reporting them along with my parents. I hope that they're able to be removed, but I'm trying to be mentally prepared for some of them not being and particularly the college ones. I want to get past everything, but I do agree with trying to get them removed first" "He said he planned to show me the account closer to the wedding and encouraging comments about the photos he stole. He even posted about how I was unsure of myself in his posts when that wasn't the case, I was just rusty and wanting to have more time for the Christmas recital compared to hopping straight into a recital 3 weeks after getting back into silks in the summer" "Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm just trying to get through each day, but will also be looking into therapy as well. The panic attack from the graduation blindsiding when everyone was looking at me still hurts to think about, and I ended up leaving a class early not too long ago because the stress was too much to focus with along with feeling disgusting despite knowing that he was wrong. I hope to come back to it soon, but I hope to find a good therapist with my insurance because I don't have a great job, and I'd rather not waste money on classes when they're expensive and I can't focus which isn't safe"

ThrowRA3837374

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z1m07i/oop_returned_to_aerial_silks_after_years_off_her/

z1m07i

I need help people. Please help me with the least amount. I will be very thankful. This is my email in paypal if you like to help me. [email protected]

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Cra-Fly7607

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z1mu7j/i_need_help_people_please_help_me_with_the_least/

z1mu7j

AITA for refusing to make my house wheelchair accessible

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I am not OP. OP is [u/CurrentMaize07](https://www.reddit.com/user/CurrentMaize07/) TW - >!Ableism, mention of emotional abuse!< [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ytfvub/aita_for_refusing_to_make_my_house_wheelchair/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) posted on 13th Nov, 2022. My(22f) cousin(24m) is getting married next weekend. He proposed to his girlfriend(25f) on Wednesday and want to get married by the next Saturday. They want to hold the ceremony at our grandparent’s house which I’ve the legal inheritance of. I’ve no objections to them wanting to get married there or anything. Also there is no reason to technically rush the wedding, but they say they are in a very happy place and want to be married asap, well whatever rows their boat. They want to hold the ceremony in backyard and there’s this platform of sorts where they want the wedding party to sit at reception. The thing is one of their bridesmaids(24/25? F) is wheelchair user and so they want to add a ramp to the platform. Now the conflict is: they asked me to get a ramp there, I’ve talked to the contractor who has done most of the furniture and stuff in that house and he says he can only get to it next month, he’s busy with some personal affairs. I told my cousin this and he and his fiancé are very mad at me when I refused to hire a different contractor or get a quick work done. I have offered to attach a temporary ramp (the detachable kind- which I could rent from a nearby shop) instead. The bridesmaid is refusing this, saying she deserves a better accommodative and accepting facilities. Thing to be noted is: the cousin doesn’t want to pay for ramp construction since it’s not his house and doesn’t even want to pay any % of rent for ramp. Also the rest of the house is wheelchair accessible since my grandma needed it, including washrooms, it’s only this platform for some reason has no ramp but only stairs. I don’t want any sloppy or expensive ramp done in a rush, because I don’t have that kind of money saved or want to compromise the quality. The bride texted me saying she and my cousin have always walked on egg shells around me to make ‘accommodations for my handicap and feelings’ this is the least I can do for them. For reference my handicap is my autism. It’s never occurred to me it’s a handicap or issue for people(Atleast family) to be around me. When i talked to my parents about this, they were very angry at her and have refused to attend wedding where their kid is disrespected. When my aunt (groom’s mom) found out about this whole thing she was ‘red angry’ and said she might not attend the wedding too. Now the bride is calling me an ableist and instigator. AITA? Edit: wheelchair user instead of bound. Sorry wasn’t aware of the negative connotation. Edit2: mostly everyone saying I shouldn’t let them host the wedding there seems unfair, since it was his grandparent’s home too. But yes, I may not attend the wedding. It’s disrespectful I see. Edit3: thanks for everything. Posted a request for update. Hopefully it will be up soon. Verdict : NTA ​ [Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/CurrentMaize07/comments/yv7c7t/update_aita_for_refusing_to_make_my_house/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) posted on 14th Nov, 2022. Thank you everyone for all the comments and explanations… it really helped me understand the entirety of situation. Well after reading all the comments the general consensus was not to let them use my house for wedding and when I asked my parents about this- they wholeheartedly agreed. Well it so happened we were at the said house, we being me my parents and my aunt(grooms mom), when I texted my cousin saying “I’m sorry but I’m not comfortable with you hosting the wedding or reception in my house.” And he simply texted back “ok.” That’s when my aunt called him up and started yelling how he was raised better, and he being disrespectful to his sister isn’t what she ever expected, she said she won’t attend the wedding and when undoubtedly the marriage will fail he’ll come back to his senses and his family. He was shell shocked would be understatement. He immediately came over to meet us all and when I told him about the ‘handicap’ text from his bride to be, he was taken aback. He apologised profusely. He literally said he’s begging for forgiveness. Yes he was irrational for the ramp demand but the bridesmaid was emotionally manipulating him and blackmailing him a lot. He called off the wedding and has gone no contact with fiancé. She saw the original post on Reddit and texted me calling me a ‘tattle tale dimwit’ So FU CAROL. Also as it turns out they were rushing the wedding because she didn’t want to sign a prenup. Dodged a bullet there it seems. Yes she said this part herself yelling in rage. So no wedding, but my aunt is hosting dinner the night of wedding and making my favourite dishes. Once again thank you everyone.

newww_heree

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z1n6g1/aita_for_refusing_to_make_my_house_wheelchair/

z1n6g1

Should I name my baby after a serial killer?

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z1q33x/should_i_name_my_baby_after_a_serial_killer/

z1q33x

AITA for saying my mom named me like a madlibs?

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I am not OP. OP is [u/itswaverlyok](https://www.reddit.com/user/itswaverlyok/). [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ol1oq6/aita_for_saying_my_mom_named_me_like_a_madlibs/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) posted on 16th July, 2021. My first name, Waverly, is the street my mom grew up on. My middle name is where I was conceived. My last name is a noun. It feels like a madlib. I’ve never felt any strong way towards my name other than wishing I had a “girlier” name when I was a kid, but I’ve always felt a little frustrated at the fact that my mom named me like one of those security question scams on Facebook. My siblings all were named a bit more normally. Anyways, my sister is pregnant and didn’t want a baby shower, so we had a nice dinner for her, 3 days ago, instead. We got onto the topic of names and my family starts giving their input and I tell her, “You could always take mom’s approach and just do a madlib.” My sister laughs and my mom throws herself on the table and bursts into tears. She starts wailing about how she didn’t know I hated my name so much, how awful she is as a parent, how I should just change my name and be done with her. My siblings and I console her, or try to, and after like 20 minutes with no success, my sister tells me I should leave so I don’t upset her anymore. My boyfriend (together 3 yrs) is fuming the whole way home, saying I knew that would upset her and I put him in an awkward spot. He’s been frustrated with me since. My sister also says I did it on purpose to upset her (we’ve always had a rocky relationship) and that I ruined her dinner because I was jealous of her for having a baby (I’m not) My other siblings have stayed mostly out of it but told me to apologize to our mom, which I did. I called and told her how sorry I was and rhat I really did like my name, and she starts saying I don’t need to lie to “spare an old woman’s feelings” and that she should be apologizing to me for “saddling me with such a burden.” I tried some more but she just kept wallowing. Ever since, she’s been making 3-4 Facebook posts PER DAY about how she’s a bad mom and grateful that her children still love her despite all her failures. My family has started reaching out trying to be sure everything hs okay. I didn’t mean to say it maliciously. I genuinely harbor no ill will towards my mother. I feel like everything has spiraled out of control and I feel like this is some weird revenge thing she’s trying to do. But was I actually mean enough to deserve the revenge? Was I really that out of line? AITA for saying my mom named me like a madlibs? Some relevant comments: 1: >She pulls the “I’m a bad parent” card a lot, but never sincerely and never to this extreme. When I was a teen, I wanted to go to a punk concert and we had a huge fight about whether or not I should be allowed to go. When I wasn’t allowed to go, I got angry and she starts going on, “I’m sorry I’m such a horrible parent. I’m sorry I won’t let my daughter be murdered miles from home. I’m sorry I don’t want my baby to be kidnapped. Call CPS, I’m winning worst mother of the year over here.” She was genuinely very upset but she was not sincere in feeling like she was a bad mom. 2: >A lot of people have said I haven’t given a full picture and I have, of the event in question. But here’s the even fuller picture: I’m the black sheep of our family. I am the oldest of 6 and my dad’s only child, he died when I was less than a year old. My mom remarried when I was 5 and my stepdad didn’t want much to do with me. He said it was “too late” for me to be his child and I’ve always felt out of place in my family. Everyone in my family is very athletic, I’m really not. Everyone in my family is very musical, I’m really not. I’ve always felt a little left out from everyone else and they make sure I don’t forget it. I got left behind a lot because I “wouldn’t enjoy things” as much and would frequently be left out of “family” activities by “accident.” I got into a lot of arguments with my mom and stepdad, especially as a teenager, because I turned my sad feelings into angry ones, but I’ve grown out of it. I’ve always had ambivalent relationships with my siblings but they are very clearly more loyal to their parents than me. I did not anticipate my siblings would take my side in this at all, they typically choose to support their parents and leave me out to dry. I genuinely don’t hate my name. I feel ambivalent towards it and have never made a comment like this before. I used to tell her I wanted to be a Hannah or a Kate but never something about the actual way I was named. If I’d known it would hurt her, I wouldn’t have said it, even if just to avoid the fuss. My boyfriend is a textbook people pleaser. He thinks me fighting with my mother has reflected poorly on him and that my family dislikes him now. For the most part, we’ve taken to ignoring the issue but he has been sad reacting my mom’s facebook posts which kind of pisses me off. ETA: There’s actually a really funny family photo from my teen years where everyone else knew we were taking a picture except me. So my whole family is color-coordinated in nice clothes and I’m wearing some old concert tee and ratty jeans. It was always my prime source when I needed to represent how I felt in my family. ​ Verdict : NTA [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yvv410/update_aita_for_telling_my_mom_she_named_me_like/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) posted on 15th Nov, 2022. Hey everyone, it’s the artist formerly known as Waverly. Just kidding. I didn’t change my name. Did change my whole life around though. I wanted to post this update for a lot of reasons, but mainly to express my gratitude. I didn’t have a lot of friends at the time and most of them were my boyfriend’s friends. I truly didn’t feel like I had anyone else to go to about this, so I’m so thankful for everyone who took the time to reply to my original post and provide insight. It was a lot to sift through and honestly, really painful. It felt like I was finally being validated after years of gaslighting myself. I always had a feeling that something was wrong but pushed it aside for the sake of being part of the family. The period after I posted was truly one of the lowest of my life, but also one of the most empowering. A lot of people told me to cut out my boyfriend but I didn’t see the point. I didn’t understand the accusations of narcissism. But when I sat down with him, explained how badly him siding with my mom hurt me, how it hurt to watch him turn against me when I needed to support, his response was, “You did this to yourself.” That was the lightbulb moment I needed. We broke up, I moved in with my brother for a little while to get back on my feet. There were a lot of recommendations to go no contact with my mom, but I had a really hard time with the idea of it. Talking it over with her was mostly unsuccessful, she kept degrading herself and sending me all these backhanded apologies that made me feel worse. Everything ended in me apologizing. My sister had her baby. Whole family went to visit her and she told us the name - top 10, very traditional. My mom made a comment about me scaring her out of exercising creativity, without any crocodile tears or hysterics. It was pure hostility from her and it was another lightbulb. I brushed it off, apologized to my sister, stuck around for another 30 minutes, and that was it. That was the last time I spoke to my mom. My brother harassed me about it, so I moved out of his place and into an extended stay hotel. I got a job a few states away, got an apartment, packed up my life and pretty much entirely started over. I haven’t spoken to any of my family members in almost a year. There has been a lot of therapy, as recommended. It’s been a painful, sad, lonely, and frustrating experience, but I’m also so much better off. I have new friends, I actually like my job a lot better now, and I’m creating my own weird little family with my pets, a family that I’m really a part of. Again, thank you to everyone who provided input. Not exactly the happiest update, but one for the better.

newww_heree

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z1twpp/aita_for_saying_my_mom_named_me_like_a_madlibs/

z1twpp

AITA for refusing to be a bridesmaid because I don't wanna wear a dress for my brother's wedding?

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**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/pitchthis2022 in r/AmITheAsshole** trigger warnings: >!abuse, shitty family dynamics, homophobia!< mood spoilers: >!sad but hopeful!< ---   [**AITA for refusing to be a bridesmaid because I don't wanna wear a dress for my brother's wedding?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rzdphf/aita_for_refusing_to_be_a_bridesmaid_because_i/) - 9th January 2022 My(33f) brother(30m) and his fiancé(28f) are getting married in a week. My brother decided this last week. I am happy. I think his fiancé is great. I spoke her about the wedding and she told me that it was going to be small they weren't going to do dinner after. I understood wanting it small because she's pregnant and covid. But then my mom took over. She started inviting people and planning a reception and my brother went along with it. His fiancé was upset and stressed, but didn't want to argue. So, yesterday my mom calls me at work while my brother is on the phone saying they want me to be a bridesmaid. I said sure as long as I don't have to wear a dress. My brother says I have to wear a dress. Work is busy and I can't focus so I tell them I'll call them back. That morning I text my future SIL and tell her that I am happy for them but I'd rather not be a bridesmaid because I've spent a long time trying to be comfortable in my skin and who I am and what I like to wear. I decided to come but not be in the wedding and I hope she's not mad. She texts me back and says no, she's not mad and that I shouldn't have even thought she was. Around the same time my brother calls me and tells me he really wants me to be a bridesmaid its only 45 mins and I can change after. I told him I talked to his fiancé and that she said she was okay and wasn't mad. He then gets upset and says that he is going to talk to her and tell her not to interfere with his wedding. A few minutes later she calls to say she doesn't want to plan because stress wasn't good for the baby. Then my brother calls me and and I tell him that it's her wedding too and then he brings my wife(23f) into the situation saying she is making decisions for me and she doesn't need to be at the wedding if she cant be respectful. I tell him he's wrong and she has nothing to do with my decision. He keeps bringing her up finally she gets upset and yells thru the phone fine she won't come. My brother keeps arguing and saying I'm the only sibling he has left so I've got to do this because he asked my mom if I would. (our other sibling passed away the middle of last year) I said if I have to wear a dress no. So then he tells my mom and my mom calls me talking about how I'm selfish and a disappointment. She calls again and I ignore the call. Then she sends a text in the family chat saying I'm an evil person and effective immediately my aunts, cousins, niece and nephew and my grandma have to block me because instead of being a good daughter I'm defending trash (referring to my wife) against the family and I am no longer a part of the family. My brother then sends texts talking about how it's my wife's fault that he feels like he's lost another sibling and all I had to do was wear a dress for the wedding ceremony and pictures then I could dress how I wanted at the reception. My mom say I'm not allowed to speak to any of my fam. AITA for refusing to wear a dress for my brother's wedding? ETA: Info: I don't wear female clothes and my family has always had an issue with the way I dressed. Things like this have happened before, I've worn what they wanted being assured that I could change in to what makes me more comfortable only to be pressured and guilted into not changing or ruining the rest of the pictures. I offered compromises. I offered to wear a matching suit color to match. Initially it was only supposed to be my sil's sister standing behind her. But my mom got involved.   [**OP then posted an update in a comment**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/rzdphf/comment/htxnuqo/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - 23rd January 2022 Cant figure out how to get my update approved so I'll post it here. So after my mom said I was banned from the family I thought a lot about whether or not to attend the wedding. I had only blocked my mom and brother. when my aunt called the day before the wedding. I answered without thinking. She started by asking me what was going on and then she told me that I was being selfish and childish and that I had to think about my brother's feelings and I've worn a dress before so I shouldn't be acting like it was a big deal. I said okay they asked I said no. My aunt then informed me that it didn't matter what he wanted, I should have said yes. I hung up. My stomach was in knots for days because I wanted to see my brother get married but I didn't think I'd be welcome. SIL called and asked if I were coming. I said probably not because I didn't want to ruin their day. She said she wanted me there and my brother did too. I said I had picked up a shift at work and I'd come to the reception to congratulate them. My brother then called me via facebook, upset that his number was blocked and started talking about how my “trashy wife” is dividing me from the family. And that my mom never banned me from the family. This devolved into an argument. I hung up. My mom then calls my job asking to speak to me. I didn’t know it was her (my coworker answered and said someone was otp for me) I pick up its my mom I hang up. I walk away to compose myself. SIL’s mom calls me and tells me that SIL wants me there and that if I want to be there then fuck everybody else. My emotions are everywhere. I leave work. At the same time my coworker tells me that my mother called back and “said a whole bunch of stuff” (those are the words my coworker used) and then tried to get my boss’s number and get me fired. Thanks to a bunch of the commenters who pointed out my mom might be a narcissist. I looked into different resources about signs of narcissists and being raised by them. I’ve since discovered that my mom might be one. Anyways, I went to the wedding. My mom and aunt acted as if everything were normal. They seemed under the impression that they had bullied me into doing what they wanted. On the drive to the wedding my SIL called me to say she was happy I was coming and sorry that everything was so messed up. Her mom came up to me and said screw my family she’s happy I came. Ultimately I took this as a farewell. I’ve decided to go NC with my family. I feel complicated about it and it hurts a bit but I think it’s best.   I'm marking this as concluded because OP never posted again and I think this is it. **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

khaomanee

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z1vqyc/aita_for_refusing_to_be_a_bridesmaid_because_i/

z1vqyc

I live below a cult leader and I fear I've angered her

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inkyfang

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z1vxte/i_live_below_a_cult_leader_and_i_fear_ive_angered/

z1vxte

Please vote for The Producers in the Performer, Choreography, Local theatre, and Ensemble performance!

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[removed]

CaterpillarMother992

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z1x10c/please_vote_for_the_producers_in_the_performer/

z1x10c

I (38m) just found out that my brother (19m) has been perving on my wife (37f)

REPOST

***I am not the OP.*** [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hy4vqw/i_38m_just_found_out_that_my_brother_19m_has_been/) made in **July 2020** by [u/ThrowRA-PO](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRA-PO/) in [r/relationship\_advice](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/) Mood spoiler: >!Resolves as well as can be expected, happy-ish!< ​ Throwaway cause I'm still the only one that knows Background: My brother has been staying with us since lockdown, after his University closed. He couldn't stay with our parents cause they just sold the house and moved to a 1 bedroom apartment and our sister lives in a different part of the country. He was the "oops" baby so I hope that explains the age gap. My wife and I have a 5 bedroom home but currently don't have children yet (we decided to adopt 2 kids in our 40s) so we let him stay here. My brother has always been...different. He's a bit of a loner and doesn't have a lot of friends outside of his online group. He's a shy geeky kid but he's otherwise alright (or so I thought) when you get to know him. So here's what happened: The wifi doesn't quite reach my brother's room so he usually does his school work and other stuff in the dining room. A few nights ago, I was walking to the fridge after waking up in the middle of the night (wife and I sleep early) and saw my brother working on something out and as I got closer, I saw a very compromising picture of my wife (cleavage shot as she was gardening). He noticed me and quickly closed the window like he was watching porn. I was too shell shocked to say anything at that time and he just smiled awkwardly and ran to his room with the laptop. When I realized that something was up, I knew I had to find out. The next day, I asked my brother to pick up some groceries and some lunch for us and while he was away, I went to his room (something I've never done since he moved) and, well, it wasn't pretty. I saw a couple of my wife's bras and some of her panties which I can only assume he used to pleasure himself. I took his laptop and fuck it, decided to snoop. I knew his password cause I borrowed his Crunchyroll account to watch this anime my friend recommended (I don't usually watch anime). There I saw some of the most sickening entries I've read. There were pictures of my wife in a towel, her working out, her in compromising positions, etc. All taken without her consent by the looks of it. The fucker even logs every time he touches himself to the image of my wife. The creepiest part? He sometimes listens in on us when we have sex. My wife can be a bit loud but we didn't think it would be a problem since his bedroom was in a different part of the house (guest bedroom). I left the room feeling like I needed a shower. It was absolutely disgusting. Now I don't know what to do. I find myself fighting the urge to pummel him into next week every time I see him. I haven't told my wife yet cause I'm 100% sure she will feel violated and disgusted so I want to find the best solution first before doing so. I so desperately want to kick him out but I he has nowhere else to go. Even if I do, what should I tell my parents? The truth? This will most likely break the family apart. I do plan on telling my wife soon but if I do, I can almost guarantee she would want nothing to do with him and would never want to visit the family if he's around. I'm so fucking lost right now. Any advice will help. Still fighting the urge to beat my brother to a bloody pulp. **Edit:** if you're wondering, I did take pictures as proof. **Small update:** I told my wife. The redditors who said I should tell her first before anything cause she was the victim were absolutely right. I'm giving her all the power to decide what to do about it. A lot has happened but there are still things that need to be settled. Too long to add here and too incomplete to make a new update post. Hopefully we'll have everything settled tomorrow or the day after. I'll write the update once everything is settled and I calmed down. No, I'm not going to beat up my brother but I have thought about it. And to the people asking for the pics... You're disgusting. Hope the women in your life are proud of you. That's my wife, please have some respect. ​ [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/i2id3v/update_i_38m_just_found_out_that_my_brother_19m/) made in **August 2020 (1 week later)** I told my wife the next day after posting and needless to say, she did not take it well. She says she feels violated and unsafe in her own home. See, the thing is my wife and I have been together for almost 15 years so we literally saw this kid grow up. We took him out to the movies, to the beach, etc. We sometimes even joked to my parents that he was our practice baby. My wife has a tendency to distrust people in general, as a lot of people in her life have let her down in the past. Imagine how hurt and betrayed she was when she found out someone she trusted and loved dearly betrayed her like that. Honestly, if I wasn't consoling my wife then, I probably would've gone through with the initial idea and beat the ever living crap out of my brother. After she calmed down and went to sleep, I called my sister and talked about the situation. My sister and I are close, given that we're Irish Twins. I feel like she needed to know cause she has 2 teenage daughters herself and who knows what my brother would do to them if given the chance. We talked and she was clearly mad. She loves my wife like a sister and they're quite close themselves. She said she would support whatever decision we make and that our brother would also be unwelcome at her place for the foreseeable future. Then we confronted my brother. At first he denied it but when I showed him the evidence, he started ugly crying and begging us to forgive him. I gave him an ultimatum... Either he lets me in his phone laptop and delete everything, or I call the police. There was so much more shit on his computer than I initially thought. So many more stolen pictures of my wife that we're definitely taken without consent. The fucker even recorded the audio of us having sex. Who does that? So after hours of me looking for as much shit as possible, and pretty much clearing most of his hard drive, he eventually left without much of a fight. Oh and we definitely threw out my wife's defiled underwear and are most likely going to have the room he stayed in cleaned professionally. I checked and thankfully he didn't have any hidden cameras anywhere. Oh and if you're wondering how he got pictures of my wife in a towel... The shower for the masters doesn't have hot water yet so my wife uses the shared one in the same area. She would usually walk out of the bathroom with just a towel on and go change in our walk in closet. This shouldn't have been a problem cause the guest bedroom was in a different part of the house far from the main bedrooms and it had its own bathroom so my brother had no reason for being there. Needless to say, my wife is still shaken up about the whole thing, which is why I didn't think about writing an update until now. I'm sorry but my wife's well-being is my priority above anything else. My mom eventually called me asking what happened. She seemed very confused so I figured my brother didn't tell her anything at all. I told her what happened and needless to say, it did not end well. She kept asking me to forgive my brother and take him back in. She ranted about how difficult it would be to support him and how what I'm doing is breaking the family apart. I let her talk till I eventually said my brother would no longer be welcome in my home. I told her that she needed to get him therapy and that until then, there's no chance we would ever see him. My mom told me she'd talk to my sister about it and I said... Good luck, she's mad at him too. Not sure what's going to happen to our family now. The reason why we got the big house was cause we wanted everyone to come over during the holidays and stay with us but I'm not sure if my parents will at this point and there's no chance my brother is ever coming back anytime soon. Thankfully my sister is 100% on my side and we're going to talk about what we're doing for Thanksgiving soon. My wife hasn't really been the same either but she's getting better now that my brother is gone. We're talking about therapy which is something she's very willing to try out. We took a drive to the beach earlier (chill guys, we didn't leave the car) and talked about the future. We both agreed that after this whole covid thing is over, we're going to finally start our family with kids. We want two. Being a mom is something she always wanted but we both wanted to be financially secure enough to give them a good life and for us to also be in a position where we didn't have to work so much and just spend time with them. The sparkle in her eyes when we talked about our life together with kids told me that while things aren't good right now, we're going to be ok. I honestly can't wait to be a dad myself. So yeah, long story short brother is gone, wife is still sad, sister is on my side but mom isn't and I'm going to be a dad in a few years. Thanks to everyone who gave me their advice. It honestly helped me clear my head and make the right decision to tell my wife first. Oh and to answer questions that may come up... No, we did not go to the police. My brother deleted everything voluntarily and left without a trace. I'm sure the pictures are still out there somewhere but thankfully they aren't too explicit that it would severely damage my wife's reputation. And no, we aren't going to try and get pregnant or anything like that. We plan on adopting which is something we both talked about early on. ***Reminder: I am not the OP.***

Dragonara7

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z1xsfp/i_38m_just_found_out_that_my_brother_19m_has_been/

z1xsfp

OOP - AITA for wanting my boyfriend to come straight home after work to help care of our 4 month old

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**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Groundbreaking-Law53 **in** r/AmItheAsshole ​   [**AITA for wanting my boyfriend to come straight home after work (on some days) to help me destress after taking care of our 4 month old son all day?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ilp6dw/aita_for_wanting_my_boyfriend_to_come_straight/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) \- 3rd September 2020 Hey guys; hope y’all are keeping safe. Sorry for my roundabout story but I hope you guys can advise me. I (32F) had an argument with my boyfriend’s (32M) brother (24M) yesterday because he asked me why I was mad at my boyfriend when he came home. My boyfriend is an IT guy in a section of our government. He likes to go to the sauna almost every day (he says to destress from work) from about 5pm to 8-9pm). If it’s not the sauna, he goes to have a drink with friends. Because of the Rona curfew, he has to get home by 9pm. Now I have no problem with him wanting to relieve stress or having time with his friends; everyone needs this. All I have asked of him is to compromise and come home early on some days so I can take a break for an hour or 2; take a bath in peace or eat without my kid screaming to be carried. I’m a first time mom at 32, a stay at home mom and my son has refused to bottle feed so I can’t supplement with formula. Basically this means, I have to be around him 24/7. My ‘BIL’ knows all this as he’s been staying with us for about 5 months now. So yesterday while arguing, He implies that my mental health is not important because my only reward should be my child’s wellbeing. And that my boyfriend’s mental health is more important and that I should give him a break and I’m not being fair. He also said that me being stressed is stressing them both out and making things uncomfortable and the last thing my boyfriend needs is to come home and see my frustrations when he needs to relax. Now i know I’m not asking for too much and I see red flags whenever someone makes me feel like I am. Is there another perspective to this that I’m not seeing?   **Verdict - NTA (Not the A-hole)** ​ [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iy2cgo/update_aita_for_wanting_my_boyfriend_to_come/) \- 23rd September 2020 I suppose this falls under relationships but just wanted to let you guys know how it went. I left my BF’s to go rest at my mom’s. During that week, my BF never reached out to me (even if to check if we arrived safely or to ask about our son) and that was the answer I needed. End of the week I texted him to ask if I could pick my things from his place. I told him things weren’t working out as he clearly didn’t care about me and we weren’t a priority to him. He said he didn’t see what he had done wrong which is why he had kept quiet and didn’t reach out. He said by me moving out, I was taking his son away from him; yet he spent 3/4 of his free time out of the house in the ‘sauna’(3-4hrs on a weekday after work and 8hrs on the weekend; EVERYDAY) He said he didn’t see the point of coming home to baby sit a 4 month old who needed his mother more. All I wanted was for him to come home after work on some days and take care of the baby while I shower in peace or eat food. He said it’s clear I wasn’t ready to have a child because he knows women who work 9-5 jobs and still come home to cook and take care of the kids. Implying that I’m failing because I need a break for an hour? He said we could reverse roles and he wouldn’t complain at all. When I told him he should be bonding with the baby, he said he’ll take over when he’s a toddler and easier to handle and that kids can be bribed with money and trips and they’ll be your best friend. I did not make the decision to end this just because of this issue; it was a combination of all red flags. But to be honest, this was the last straw. I was running on fumes, exhausted physically and mentally and I was asking him to help me but he decided, without talking to me about it, that I didn’t need a break. I believe He wants to live his life as a single man but enjoy the benefits of a relationship (sex, companionship, good housekeeping and food) when he comes home; that’s not how a relationship works. For a while he made me feel like what I was asking for was too much. And that I was crazy for asking for a little consideration. Like I wasn’t worth fighting for. I felt it was wrong and talking to you guys here on reddit strengthened my resolve. We are now officially ex’s and to be honest, I don’t feel like it’s a loss. I only feel stupid that I chose this person and I’m tied to him for the rest of my life and now my child is the one that suffers from my choice and not having a good father around him everyday. Thank you everyone for your encouraging comments and messages. You made me feel much better about everything and like I wasn’t alone; y’all are awesome! xoxoxo   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

raredontstare

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z1ztsn/oop_aita_for_wanting_my_boyfriend_to_come/

z1ztsn

I think my sister is dating her soccer coach

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[removed]

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z216ki/i_think_my_sister_is_dating_her_soccer_coach/

z216ki

Teacher from hell

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**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/ponytailparade **in** r/offmychest *Just a short and sweet post*     [**Original Post + Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/1lachy/teachers_from_hell/) \- 29th August 2013 For precalculus we are required to have a graphing calculator. My family cannot afford a graphing calculator and while I tried to tell the teacher my problem in private he uses me as an example and announces to the whole class "If you cannot afford a graphing calculator like ponytailparade, then get a job or find someone who will let you share". Just because I'm a junior does not mean I am old enough to get a job and you had no right to announce my inability to buy something to the whole class. You suck. ​ **Comments by OOP** >We try to get a stable home and location but the DV housing people keep moving us in fear of my abusive step-dad finding us. The longest I've lived in the same house for is at least 6 months   >I'm 15 turning 16 in a few months, and I've applied for a job everywhere I could and they all told me to come back when I'm 16. > >My HS makes everyone sign up for the site - the college bound thing is for high school students in NH who are entered to win scholarships ,iPads, ect. and I was lucky enough to get picked for the iPad   >They wouldn't let me use an iPad as a calculator, and I'm required to take this class, I was just informing the teacher that I couldn't get a graphing calc on the day he requested which was the next day and possibly more days, obviously I would have found a way to get one eventually ​ **UPDATE:** Wow I really did not expect so many people would read this. Instead of telling the principal I told my counselor about it since I always tell her a problem I'm having. She switching my teachers and is going to make sure Mr. Teacher from hell knows exactly why. Victory! All of you guys are awesome by the way I got a good laugh from some of your comments thank you! EDIT: to everyone telling me to stop whining because I'm using a smartphone or laptop, I would like to point out that I am posting this from an IPad that I **won** for **free**. THE CALCULATOR JUST ARRIVED :D [http://m.imgur.com/wthwd5h](http://m.imgur.com/wthwd5h) Thank you norms0028 and everyone else who offered, just the offer itself means a lot to me. Thank you guys!!!! ​   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

raredontstare

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z21d4b/teacher_from_hell/

z21d4b