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"2022-11-22T19:39:17" | Boyfriend is having a baby with his ex but wants to be in a relationship with me. | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z22rl6/boyfriend_is_having_a_baby_with_his_ex_but_wants/ | z22rl6 | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-22T20:23:29" | Boyfriend is having a baby with his ex but wants to be in a relationship with me. | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z23wwu/boyfriend_is_having_a_baby_with_his_ex_but_wants/ | z23wwu | 9 | 2 | [
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"2022-11-22T21:35:43" | Boyfriend is having a baby with his ex but wants to be in a relationship with me. | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwaway7543596 in r/stepparents**
---
 
[**Boyfriend is having a baby with his ex but wants to be in a relationship with me.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/comments/l3yqj6/boyfriend_is_having_a_baby_with_his_ex_but_wants/) - 24 January 2021
Hi! First time posting here. I am aware this is probably not the standard stepparent situation but I'm just... so confused and I don't know what to do.
I met my boyfriend at the beginning of September. He broke up with his girlfriend two weeks prior, we both weren't looking for a relationship but it just happened - we just couldn't stay away from each other. Everything was going well, we were both starting to get serious about each other.
Fast forward to beginning of November - his ex contacted him and revealed that she is pregnant with his child. Obviously, we were all in shock but after some thinking my boyfriend decided he wants to take responsibility for what happened and be an active father. However, they do not want to get back in a relationship.
I've been confused about my feelings ever since. Sometimes I think it's going to be fine, they both want the best for the baby and I shouldn't be jealous of his ex. Sometimes I'll just cry because it feels so unfair that I found this amazing guy and this happened.
All of my friends are telling me to break up. That it's too much drama and I should just leave, but I don't want that. I want to believe that everything will be fine, that we'll manage the situation. So if you want to tell me that I should break up - please don't. I'm looking for ways to deal with my emotions and be a good partner, not a way out.
I guess what I'm looking for is just advice from people who get it - how do you find your place in this child's life? How did it change your relationship? Am I stupid to think that we can make it work?
Any advice will be greatly appreciated, especially from anyone in a similar situation.
**EDIT:**
Thanks to everyone who commented! I really appreciate all of your opinions and life experiences. I didn't expect so many people would comment, so it's hard to reply to everyone.
After thinking about this, I definitely need some time and space to sort out my feelings.
 
[**UPDATE Boyfriend is having a baby with his ex but wants to be in a relationship with me.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/comments/m5nych/update_boyfriend_is_having_a_baby_with_his_ex_but/) - 15 March 2021
Hi again! I'm aware this probably isn't the best sub for this, but since I posted my original post here I thought I'd also post the update here.
First of all, thanks to everyone who commented and tons of people, who gave me a reality check. Looking back at it, I can't believe how naive I was. I really thought it could all somehow work out.
After I posted here, I met with him about a week later and I did something I'm not proud of - I went through his phone when he was sleeping. I just... I had a feeling that he wasn't telling me something.
As you can guess, I was right. It turned out he invited her to spend Christmas with him and his family, his parents and sister even got her presents. He told me he was staying on his own, because he was getting sick.
From the texts I'd say he was coming over to her about two or three times a week - I knew nothing.
I just kept reading and I was so unbelievably mad that I ever trusted a word he said and then it hit me. She didn't know. She didn't know we were still together, because he completely avoided the topic. There was even a point where he said something like "I'm so tired, I'm not even gonna shower" and she said "That's gross, but if there's no one that would mind, it's your problem" and he said "you know there isn't anyone".
I confronted him about it. He was reasonably mad at me for going through his texts, but didn't have any explanation for the rest. He "didn't want to brag about us to her when she's pregnant and emotional". He invited her for Christmas "because his parents told him to". He didn't tell me he was meeting with her regularly (and more often than with me) because "he knew I would get mad about it". I just... I felt stupid. I still do.
She's giving birth in May. I blocked both of them on every fucking platform I could think of because I just can't. I really don't care if they get back together or not, I don't want to ever hear their names again.
So, most of you were right - leaving was the only option. After reading your stories and struggles, all I can say is - you're all fucking heroes. I applaud each and every one of you, because dealing with a relationship is sometimes hard enough - add other adults and children, it's just... a nightmare (not always, I presume?).
Sorry if you didn't care about this update, but I just really wanted to get this off my chest, close this chapter and move on.
**Edit:**
You all are so lovely. Thank you, for saving a random internet stranger from all of this drama lol. I wish all of you the absolute best!
 
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z25tkc/boyfriend_is_having_a_baby_with_his_ex_but_wants/ | z25tkc | 5,090 | 5,077 | [
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"2022-11-22T22:20:35" | Monthly META Discussion - Dec 2022 | META | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z26zzx/monthly_meta_discussion_dec_2022/ | z26zzx | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-22T22:51:48" | My (28m) gf (31f) of 3 years confessed to me that she only started dating me because she knew I had a massive crush on her for a very long time and her roommate convinced her to go on a single pity date with me | REPOST | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwrasafee in r/relationship_advice**
---
 
[**My (28m) gf (31f) of 3 years confessed to me that she only started dating me because she knew I had a massive crush on her for a very long time and her roommate convinced her to go on a single pity date with me**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qxaagj/my_28m_gf_31f_of_3_years_confessed_to_me_that_she/) - 19 November 2021
So I have had a mega crush on my gf ever since school days. We were in the same school, although she was one class ahead on me. Now my crush was such that everyone in my school knew, like if I was anywhere near her people would just give a mischievous smile to the both of us, if we were sitting near each other then my friends would tease me mercilessly, lol.
In short it was impossible for her to not know about it. But I never had the courage to ask her out. After school we moved to different parts of the world for our education and we were not even facebook friends.
Anyways, around 3.5 years ago I was attending the birthday celebrations of a friend when I saw her again. It was her alright, only she had become even more gorgeous and badass. The friend whose birthday I was attending was a mutual friend from our school and he of course knew about my crush.
There were 2 or 3 more mutual friends there who also knew and they kept encouraging me to go and talk to her. So I finally went up to her with my heart in mouth and had a small talk with her. She of course recognized me from school and we had a nice talk and then we exchanged numbers and socials.
So, with great trepidation I did some lite detective work to find out if she is single or not. To my great relief I didnt find the presence of any guys in her feed so my hopes went up a little. I reached out to her to hang out fully expecting her to turn me down but she accepted, to my gr8 surprise. So we hung out and I found out that we have a lot in common and then we decided for a next meetup. Things picked up from there and eventually we became boyfriend and girlfriend. She is everything I expected and more plus she is also extremely happy with our relationship. We have been discussing marriage too.
Anyways last weekend we hosted her bff and husband for a dinner at our house. The bff is someone whom I had known during our school days and she is a good friend too. After dinner we were shooting the breeze and except me everyone was pretty drunk, as they were staying the night at our place.
So we were talking when her drunk bff suddenly turned to my gf and said look how happy you are today and I feel some sense of pride after looking at you two. I smiled and said well thank you. Then she continued talking to my gf and said "you didnt even want to give this guy a chance and only agreed when I pestered you to go on a pity date with him and your plan was to let him down easy after the said date. But instead you guys are sitting here talking about your future together and it makes me so happy that I convinced you to take a chance with him, can you imagine if you had stuck to your original plan"?
Her husband by now realized the awkwardness and led her away to sleep. I could see in my gf's face that she was visibly stressed. So we went to bed too and when she came to bed after changing clothes she was already in tears.
She took my hand in hers and said please dont mind her words. I asked her is it true and she admitted yes it was. She knew I always had a massive crush on her so when I asked her out she didnt want to be mean by turning me down harshly. So she discussed it with her bff who was also her roommate at the time about the situation. The bff knew me so she tried to convinced her to give me a chance but the gf was not convinced. Finally the bff asked her to go on 2-3 dates with me and then let me down easy and gf agreed. But then she found out we really clicked together and wanted to continue dating and well, here we are 3 years later.
I hugged her and said its ok, dont worry about it too much as its water under the bridge. But as you guys can tell its obviously bothering me. And I think she has started to catch on too as she has been extra attentive and loving to me since the incident.
So Reddit, on the one hand I am the guy who is literally going to be engaged and eventually married to my crush, and its even better because our relationship just how I imagined to be, only 10 times better. On the other hand it does sting a little to know that she only agreed to go out with me because she pitied me, ngl. Please knock some sense into me before I self sabotage this wonderful relationship. Thank you.
 
[**Update-My (28m) gf (31f) of 3 years confessed to me that she only started dating me because she knew I had a massive crush on her for a very long time and her roommate convinced her to go on a single pity date with me**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qz6377/updatemy_28m_gf_31f_of_3_years_confessed_to_me/) - 21 November 2021
So I guess I should tell what happened after I made the post. In the morning the bff apologized for her insensitive comments the night before. She said she got too drunk and that she just wanted to take credit for setting us up and playing a match maker but being drunk she blurted out some unnecessary things.
I said of course, you dont have to apologize as I have to thank her for me and my gf going on that first date. After the bff left I went to my gf and shared my feelings, and asked her why was she hesitant on going out with me? She then took my hands in hers and told me that it just felt awkward to her. She had known for years that I had a crush on her, on top of that I was younger and junior than her. Her friends from back home sometimes used to tease her by taking my name, and almost all of our mutual friends know about my crush on her.
So when I asked her out she felt awkward, because, 1. I was more into her than she was into me even before going out on a single date, and 2. I had her on a pedestal and she was certain that reality was never going to meet my fantasy, so she wanted to avoid going through this. Also she thought I was a weirdo, she admitted it, lol. But after her bff went to bat for me she decided to go out with me and then let me down easy after 2-3 dates.
Then I asked well what changed after the first date and she said "well you didnt give off any weird vibes, yes you were very happy and nervous as a result but I didnt get any creepy vibes from you. You were just a guy with a crush, with whom I had insane chemistry even on the first date. And now, 3 years later I think I have a bigger crush on you than you ever had on me".
After having this conversation we went out to have dinner at the same restaurant where we had our first date and even tried to order the same dishes but alas they had discontinued one the dishes. Then we decided to order something entirely new, which we both had never had.
Anyways that was the update guys, thank you for reminding me how lucky I am, lol.
PS- We will be going ring shopping in the first week of December.
 
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z27tus/my_28m_gf_31f_of_3_years_confessed_to_me_that_she/ | z27tus | 7,205 | 25,948 | [
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"2022-11-22T23:37:49" | My gf of 3 years returned the engagement ring because she didn’t like where I proposed. | INCONCLUSIVE | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/zenmonkey99 in r/relationship_advice**
---
 
[**My gf of 3 years returned the engagement ring because she didn’t like where I proposed.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/aun72q/my_gf_of_3_years_returned_the_engagement_ring/) - 25 February 2019
I decided to propose to my gf of three years on our third anniversary. I flew her to Vietnam and after a couple of weeks travelling we ended up in Cambodia. She had wanted to see Angkor wat and some other temples that were on her bucket list.
After a long day of hiking in the heat through ruins we retired back to our hotel and when we were alone together I proposed and she said yes. We kissed and I had planned to take her to the waterfall the next day to celebrate. It’s really beautiful. She took a shower and I laid in bed thinking what an amazing day I just had and how I would get to spend the rest of my life with the women I loved.
When she came out of the shower however she was in tears. She handed me back the ring saying she couldn’t accept it because she didn’t want her memory of my proposal to be in a hotel room.
I played it cool and said I understood but truthfully it hurt. It seems to me that I had offered her something of value. A lifelong commitment and partner. I took her halfway around the world and helped her cross off something she had wanted to do most of her adult life. I felt that if she valued me it wouldn’t matter that the proposal wasn’t exactly what she wanted.
It was me and our future together she was saying yes to and not my delivery. If she had found a million dollars in a dumpster she wouldn’t throw it back because of where it came from. So she can’t possibly value me or what I have to offer as an individual if she’s willing to reject it because she didn’t like the place I asked.
I’m preparing to end things when we get back. She wants me to propose again and better and then she’ll say yes, but I’m done. Am I wrong? Should I do it over? What do you think.
Any advice is appreciated.
--Update to the story.
Hi and thanks for all the comments and help.
I ended up following the advice of one of the commenters. The conversation with my girlfriend went something like this:
Me: No that was my proposal. You rejected it. It's never going to happen again.
GF: So we aren't getting married? You aren't going to propose... ever?
Me: No never. I'm glad you were the one I proposed to and I'm happy that I found the courage to take that step and make such a huge commitment. But no. It was a one-time thing. If you want to marry me, you'll have to propose.
I decided to see how things went and planned to give her till my birthday (July) to make her proposal or I would end it and move on. She did while we were hiking a trail back home. I accepted.
That's it for now. Am I making a huge mistake? Maybe. I'll get a prenup of course and protect my assets. If it ends it won't cost me more than a few hundred. Hopefully, I get many happy years from this. If not, I'll update the post.
Also, thanks for all the comments and support. Weird how much that meant. I also genuinely appreciated the people that objected to me ending things. It's the internet so I expect to hear nothing but "Dump her". Getting another more reasonable side to things was helpful.
Regards,
ZenMonkey
 
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z28zmp/my_gf_of_3_years_returned_the_engagement_ring/ | z28zmp | 3,406 | 9,079 | [
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"2022-11-22T23:38:08" | OP is distancing himself from his parents who won't take no for an answer. | ONGOING | [removed] | Ambitious_Forever977 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z28zwh/op_is_distancing_himself_from_his_parents_who/ | z28zwh | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-22T23:40:18" | Looking for updates on trial of blabbermouth and EC | ONGOING | [removed] | AdBeginning8843 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z291pv/looking_for_updates_on_trial_of_blabbermouth_and/ | z291pv | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-23T00:33:41" | 10 years ago, my girlfriend abandoned me and our 5 year old daughter, now she wants her family back | CONCLUDED | [removed] | Willuknight | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z2aan7/10_years_ago_my_girlfriend_abandoned_me_and_our_5/ | z2aan7 | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-23T03:05:12" | NZ Police harass tenant for not moving ladder | ONGOING | TW: Police Harassment
Mood Warning: >!No consequences for officer!<
Video evidence is at bottom of update post 1
*
[Original:](https://www.reddit.com/r/newzealand/comments/xc643c/need_help_harassing_your_tenant_call_your_local/) (12 Sept 2022)
So, it has taken a few days to get over my shock and anger over what happened, and I still don't know what to do, so here is what happened, and maybe I can get some advice from kiwi redditors?
I live under my landlords, and our relationship has broken down because I bought a small boat and parked it in my vehicle space - which is legal. I work on my boat most days because I intend to live on it, this became an urgent situation when my landlords gave me notice.
My landlords have continued to harass me however - going from one length to another. At first preventing me from being able to charge my car - something we had an agreement on - to running over or into my property without stopping, to running over things that I am literally holding, to letting their friends look at the boat while speaking nastily about me right outside my bedroom, to taking photos of my windows.
Last Tuesday I was working on a ladder 2 meters high in the air when I hear a toot. For some reason the landlord wanted me to move my ladder, even though there was space to get around. I reluctantly move it. The same thing happens when they return, this time the ladder is further down the driveway and they have even more room. I am so sick of their bullying that this time I refuse and say to drive around. They lean on their horn; I keep working. The landlord screams at me to "move it" and starts filming me. I say "say please, and I'll move it". I come down the ladder and go inside while they intermittently scream at me and lean on the horn.
My measuring tape was close by, so I measured the car and the amount of driveway left. I also take a picture. There is so much room it's stupid. As I was in front of the landlords car, they revved their engine as if they were going to run me over. It was extremely threatening.
After about 10 minutes a large ute shows up. An angry man gets out and tells me to move the ladder. I refuse and say I live here, he says "no you dont" (I have lived here for nearly 6 years). He then grabs it without asking, moving it to the other side of the driveway. I have taken the place of the ladder. The angry man tells me to move, while grabbing a badge out of his back pocket and shoving it in my face. Now, I am a 5'2 woman in my 30s, and am not massive (though the videos make it look like I might weigh a bit, it is from all the layers of clothing from working on the boat). He is standing over me and yells at me to "get over there" while pushing me. I told him "do not fucking touch me, get your hands off me".
Angry man gestures for my landlord to drive up, hitting me with the car on the way. He then takes my ladder and puts it back shittily, so I rearrange it before asking him for his details as he speed walks up the driveway to console the landlord (who has the biggest smile on her face). As I followed him I asked for his badge number which I did not hear, and he refused to repeat. He also refused to give me his name after asking for it mutiple times. He eventually says Constable Ben, Senior Constable Ben. I didnt hear his last name and kept asking him to repeat which he refused.
Angry Senior Constable Ben then waits for the landlord to drive back down, now in her work van - a much larger vehicle. The work van somehow makes it around the ladder no problem. I ask for his badge number again and he says "we don't have badge numbers". This is despite him giving me a bunch of numbers earlier that I didn't hear properly, and wanted him to repeat.
With the van at the bottom of the driveway, he tells me that I shouldn't have been a bad person and just have moved the ladder. When I said that my landlords had been harassing me he said "oh bullshit". Then he left.
It was at this moment that it dawned on me that my landlords have been using their friends within the police to harass me for a while now. This is the third time an officer has shown up voicing their displeasure at something. On the 3rd an officer pulled all the way up the very long driveway to ask who the "white car" belonged to, and to move it because it was parked illegally. It was parked half on the road, half on the sidewalk, something that every second car parked on the road is. It was weird that the officer knew exactly where to look as I live in a flat that looks like it's part of the main house.
A similar incident also happened on the 24th of July.
So I lay a complaint and Senior Seargent Wally comes around to take my statement. He agrees that Ben was wildly out of line AND that my landlord should have just driven around. However, he also tells me that Ben will not lose his job, will not even have to apologize. He will only get a slap on the wrist. I ask Senior Seargent Wally about whether people can apply to thee police and be accepted with an assult charge - he says yes. This is something that people with ADHD, or even minor drug offenses are excluded from.
The next day another officer - Mack - comes round to get my statement signed. He is extremely icey. I ask him about if it's possible to look up the other two officers. He says no. I press him and say that I think it is possible to find out because all the cars are tracked. He says they aren't. I say that I know they are because I used to work in transport despatch. He tells me that I am twisting his words, that he will be leaving, and that he knows my landlords as he has lived here since 2003.
So I call Seargent Wally again. He simply refuses to look into the other two incidents (and I have the exact time and date) saying that there is no point as my friends were technically committing an offense. I said "that's all well and good, but if you don't start looking for evidence, you aren't going to find anything are you? We already know that one police officer is breaking the rules to harass an individual using the Police organization as clout to do so, don't you want to know if the problem is systemic at that station?". He basically refused and hung up on me. I'm not sure why they are so quick to refute what I am saying - afterall if the two other officers didnt make any other traffic stops on my road, were called in from another town for these exceedingly minor offenses (Seargent Wally literally parked this way when at my house), or was not a traffic officer, that would be further evidence that they are making stops where they shouldn't, at the behest of someone who is not in the Police.
I don't quite know what to do anymore. I had such small faith in the police, and now I have absolutely none.
I'll post the videos, any phone calls if i have them, and the photos of the driveway/ladder etc if anyone asks. This whole thing is so stupid and so serious and so sad. I know so many people who just don't trust the Police and I can't deny that I am one of them.
**Update Edit 1:** I have been advised not to share the video, but I have uploaded a pic of the car and the ladder, before Constable Angry-Beef moved it https://imgur.com/a/9ydQZyc
**Update Edit 2:** I have contacted someone I peripherally know in the media, however they said that it is unlikely that anyone would be interested in a story that amounts to a "personal dispute".
I will however be complaining to everyone and every organization that my fellow Redditors have suggested. I am focusing on getting the boat done first, as well as a rehearing of the Tenancy Tribunal. Then I will start firing off official complaint letters. I just don't have the time or energy to do both right now.
**Relevant comment from OOP:**
And I know these guys are cops as the first two were in... wait for it... cops cars.
Senior Constable Bully-beef-assults-women-in-his-downtime is a well known officer who was positively identified by Seargent Wally from the videos. He is apparently so well known that Wally was surprised I didn't already know him. Nearly 6 years living in a small town doesn't give me any insights into the local Police. Unless they are a ballet dancer or like boats. And there hasn't ever been a man in one of my classes.
*
[Update Post:](https://www.reddit.com/r/newzealand/comments/ywh3cl/update_to_the_police_harassment_post/) (17 Nov 2022)
[The ladder that started it all](https://imgur.com/a/9ydQZyc)
So I made the post above a few months ago. I made an official complaint to the Police and the IPC, which is why I didn't post a link to the videos... Until now.
I received my first "apology" several weeks ago from the officer who took my initial statement. He kind of ploughed on with the apology without asking if it was a good time, I had to interrupt him and tell him that it wasn't a great time for me, and that I couldn't hear him properly (I was at a busy cafe). However, he said that he had delivered the apology, and that he could hear me so therefore I must be able to hear him (tecc smort), and that was that. Nice huh? So I complained about that instance and managed to line up an apology with the actual offending officer.
However, I have just come off a phone call with the officer (yes, I [recorded](http://sndup.net/ptww) that too). He apologized for my feelings (give me a break 1950's attitude) and then apologized for showing his police badge during the incident. That's it. I told him that his apology was a cop out (heh), that he cannot apologize for my feelings, only for what he did, and that I didn't accept it as an apology.
The IPC did sweet fuck all, saying that they could not rule either way, and could only make the officer apologize for his "attitude". However, the complaint was submitted by another officer, so I am waiting to hear back from the IPC to see if they received all of the evidence, because the officer today made a comment about not having heard the accompanying audio, which is extremely strange.
Now I know, in the scheme of things, what happened to me is small fry. The problem is that when Police start acting like their own gang, at the behest of their friends, with zero penalties for using their badge as a backstop for their behaviour. We have a real issue of a sliding slope. We also have the problem of the Police not having the faintest idea of how to give an actual apology... Wait they actually do, they just don't want to apportion blame to themselves. So they use a form of apology that instead shifts the blame onto the victim. However, treating victims of assault or crime like it didn't happen, apologizing for the victims own, legitimate feelings is beyond the pale, revictimizing them. And the biggest issue - using the badge to intimidate and threaten. That badge should be sacred, yet this officer, and officers that allow him to continue to work, use the badge to navigate around the law. Its a mix of an old boys club and complacency and neither have a place in a policing organization.
I am so very disappointed in the NZ Police. I have given them months to come correct, and two chances at a proper apology. This is not the first time they have disappointed the ever loving fuck out of me. But it IS the first time I have all the receipts.
So, because I am thoroughly at my wits end with the Police and don't believe a thing they say, not to mention their ridiculous non-apologies... I humbly submit to you all of the videos, as much of the phone calls as I can find (sometimes my call logger doesn't record everything automatically). Nothing is cut or edited. The audio is shit on the low views videos, but well decent on the high views. The audio can also be mixed around in order to hear things a bit clearer.
Let me remind you that my landlords called their friend in the Police on me, in order to force me to move my ladder from the driveway. A ladder that was preventing them from driving up the driveway. A ladder that they had no problem driving around in the last video, in a much bigger vehicle.
[Low View 1](https://youtu.be/LWQVrAz91GI)
[Low View 2](https://youtu.be/Bdt8SmdOBqA)
[High View 1](https://youtu.be/16CdcMeFd34)
[High View 2](https://youtu.be/U_8pSGEqQ_8)
[High View 3](https://youtu.be/KHz3I2nfqUI)
[High View 4](https://youtu.be/9-MBDSkMxWs)
**Update in post:**
First and foremost. Thank you everyone for all the support, it has really blown my mind and I am so grateful for all the advice, the kind words, and invisible hands on my back - it is worth more than I can put into words.
Secondly, both Stuff and Newshub have reached out, so with any luck this will gain some traction.
Thirdly, I posted this on the Te Puke Facebook page last night. This officer is known by everyone in the community, and I mean everyone. When I initially told people around town what had happened, I got back "Not Plod. Plod is so nice!". So, after I posted it on FB last night (following all the page's rules) initially there was outrage. Then NOTHING. The post got taken down after the comments were disabled.
Finally, I will be adding my correspondence with the IPCA. The complaint was submitted by the Seargent who took my statement. So I want to see exactly what he submitted in case he deliberately did not include some of it to enable this officer to get a slap on the wrist. I called the IPCA yesterday and left a message regarding exactly this and that I had not received an apology. I then received an email back stating that "we appreciate you do not accept the apology which was given. However, given the opportunity was created for Constable Gordon to offer an apology, the Authority will take no further action and close your file." In other words, they don't care if I received an apology or not, just that "an opportunity" had been created for one. Nice huh.
Ill keep updating as things go along.
*
[Update Post 2:](https://www.unddit.com/r/newzealand/comments/yyqcz6/new_update_to_the_police_harassment_post/) (19 Nov 2022)
Hi everyone,
I Tried to post this last night but for some reason it was "auto-flagged" and it wasn't posted.
All the original posts in a comment below.
I thought I would give you all some updates, as well as a rather spicy letter I have received from the IPCA!
But first a massive thank you. The amount of support has been staggering. I was so scared about posting those videos after the NZ Police had tried so hard with their gas lighting. But the messages and comments and people who reached out to say to keep going and stand strong were just what I needed. But I also heard so many stories of abuse by the not just the Te Puke Police, but the force in general... it was just heartbreaking.
One of the things that was suggested to me was to put the video on social media. Social Media is something that I generally avoid, however I created a public TikTok. My user name is @/she_builds_boats so go and watch and share it if you can!
Two media outlets have been in touch, so lets hope it gains some traction.
I posted about this on the Te Puke Facebook page last night with a link to the Reddit update. This officer is known by everyone in the community, and I mean everyone. When I initially told people around town what had happened, I got back "Not Plod. Plod is so nice!". So, after I posted it on FB last night (following all the page's rules) initially there was outrage. Then NOTHING. The post got taken down after the comments were disabled. Then I posted it again. It was removed within a few minutes. A few minutes after that a pro-police post was posted. It was up for several hours before it was taken down again due to spicy comments. I was called a bot and a liar. Many people would rather just call me a liar than watch the video. Its kind of sad really.
Finally, I will be adding my correspondence with the IPCA. The complaint was submitted by the Sergeant who took my statement. Which seems kinda fucky. So I wanted to see exactly what he submitted in case he deliberately did not include some of it to enable this officer to get a slap on the wrist. I called the IPCA yesterday and left a message regarding exactly this and that I had not received an apology and that I wanted to speak to the person in charge of my case. I then received an email back stating that "we appreciate you do not accept the apology which was given. However, given the opportunity was created for Constable Gordon to offer an apology, the Authority will take no further action and close your file." In other words, they don't care if I received an apology or not, just that "an opportunity" had been created for one. Nice huh. So I called back and reiterated that I wanted the information and that I had not received an apology. They basically said fuck you, we are closing your file.
As for the IPCA, it seems they are a bunch of toothless ex cops who don't give two shits about doing what's right. The last correspondence with them below.
There is more from the IPCA, but I am dog tired and my boat is leaking!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From the IPCA:
14 Oct 2022
Dear [My Middle name because they can't even get that right],
I’m writing to let you know the outcome of your complaint about an officer’s involvement in a dispute with your landlords.
You say the officer assaulted you, was aggressive and shoved his badge in your face. The officer denies pushing you. He says he kept an arm up to prevent you from walking in front of your landlord’s car.
I acknowledge the officer’s account does not match what you say in your complaint. However, the camera footage does not show enough to help decide whose account is more accurate and without other evidence, we will take no further action on this aspect of your complaint.
The Authority’s decision to take no further action on the assault is not intended to minimise your experience, or indicate we doubt your account. We can only make findings of Police misconduct if we are sure about what happened, and we are unable to do so here. Police do agree it was unnecessary for the officer to show you his Police ID and a member of Police will contact you within the next two weeks to apologise for the officer’s attitude. Apart from confirming with Police that you received the apology, the Authority will take no further action.
Nāku noā, nā
Griffyn Gully-Davies Manager: Case Resolution
INDEPENDENT POLICE CONDUCT AUTHORITY
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Fri 18 Nov 22
Kia ora OOP
As requested in your voicemail message to the Authority yesterday, I have attached a copy of your signed complaint statement which Police forwarded to us under Section 15 of the Independent Police Conduct Authority Act (IPCA Act).
Section 24 of the Privacy Act provides that a request for access to personal information under Information Privacy Principle 6 of the Act is subject to any other Act that restricts the availability of personal information, or that regulates the manner in which personal information may be made available. Section 32 of the IPCA Act is such a governing provision, restricting and regulating the manner in which personal information may be made available. In accordance with section 32, our policy is not to release personal information unless:
it has already been communicated by or to the requesting party; or
it forms part of a report or letter setting out the Authority’s findings in relation to an investigation; or
the release will have some other legitimate purpose relating to the Authority’s functions under the Act.
As mentioned above, I have attached your signed complaint statement document which comes under one or more of these categories. Any other information we hold relating to your complaint cannot be disclosed as it does not fall within any of these categories. If you disagree with a refusal to provide you with any personal information you have requested, you may make a complaint to the Privacy Commissioner.
Please note that your request to speak to Griffyn Gully-Davies has been declined. To confirm the Authority’s position, Police provided an apology to you which they agreed with us they would do. While we understand you are dissatisfied with the sincerity of the Police apology, the Authority will take no further action on your complaint.
Your complaint remains closed and we will not respond to any further correspondence from you on this matter.
Nāku noa, nā
Andy
***Reminder: I am not OOP. Also first time posting on BORU so please let me know if I did it wrong.*** | ThomasTheSpider | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z2dkwx/nz_police_harass_tenant_for_not_moving_ladder/ | z2dkwx | 20,630 | 1,865 | [
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"2022-11-23T03:17:50" | Boyfriend is hilariously overzealous in his pursuit of NNN. Girlfriend puts her foot down. | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z2du60/boyfriend_is_hilariously_overzealous_in_his/ | z2du60 | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-23T03:26:08" | Boyfriend is hilariously overzealous in his pursuit of NNN. OP puts her foot down. | CONCLUDED | [removed] | GavinC137 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z2e0fj/boyfriend_is_hilariously_overzealous_in_his/ | z2e0fj | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-23T03:30:13" | Me (27M) and my GF (25F) opened our relationship and have started to lose our “spark” | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Bf_fury in r/relationship_advice**
---
&nbsp;
[**Me (27M) and my GF (25F) opened our relationship and have started to lose our “spark”**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/vtc8d9/me_27m_and_my_gf_25f_opened_our_relationship_and/) - 7 July 2022
We opened our relationship at the beginning of the year after 5yrs of monogamy because she expressed that she wanted to gain more sexual experiences after growing up in an overly strict household. There were bumps in the road starting out because I’m very monogamous and I was having difficulty finding partners while she was able to secure a lot of encounters and dates almost instantly. Things got a lot better after I went to therapy and learned to express my concerns and emotions in a healthy way. Our sex life with each other remained healthy through this but it started to improve after I learned to communicate my feelings.
I met someone who’s a great friend and also a great sexual partner after realizing that, unlike my gf, I’m not able to have sex with strangers without a bond and that I had no real desire to gain much more sexual experience because I grew up with significantly more freedom. My girlfriend started to become jealous of the bond I had started to create with this new partner and would do things to they to interfere with our meet ups like calling my phone constantly while I was with this person or throwing herself at me sexually right before I was about to leave. This behavior started to reveal a pattern to me.
Before this year my gf was very responsible. She was pretty good with money even when we didn’t have much, she held down a steady job with steady hours and she enrolled in college the previous fall in order to obtain a bit of upward mobility. But leading up to us opening our relationship she began to almost regress. It started with spending her entire check on tattoos and piercings, which I didn’t mind too much because I love outward self-expression. But then she started antagonizing her supervisors and showing up hours late daily or leaving early with no warning. Then this semester in school her grades declined and she stopped showing up to class little by little until she had no clue when midterms or spring break were and didn’t have a clue that finals happened and the semester was over.
A month or two after I started hanging with this new partner and getting to know her even more and growing closer, my gf took a leave of absence from her job for two months. She said it was for her mental health but when I suggested therapy she refused. She narrowed her encounters down to one consistent guy and stays with him for days at a time. This would be more of a red flag for me if I hadn’t started a job this year that’s 12hr swing shifts. She told me she hates being at home by herself and because I work so much it makes sense that she’d try to find somewhere to be while I’m gone. But then she started the food delivery services. She doesn’t have a car or a license so it would make more sense if I didn’t already buy groceries and keep the house stocked with food. And because she wasn’t making any money, she was spending my money. It’s as if she has lost all sense of maturity. She gets frustrated when I bring up the money or the fact that when I’m at work and she’s home all day she does absolutely nothing except order food and lay in bed. She also shuts down when I attempt to have a healthy conversation about how I feel in our relationship or she’ll say that she doesn’t notice anything different and that maybe I’m just making up things in my head.
She eventually quit her job without having anything else lined up and all of this caused me to grow distant from her physically and emotionally, because it felt as if my needs in our relationship weren’t being met and she noticed immediately. She felt that I didn’t find her attractive and was upset that I stopped initiating sex and that the quality of our sex deteriorated. I tried to fix it and express how I felt in the relationship and why it was hard for me to want sex from her but she kept saying I was just always calling her a problem.
So now we don’t have sex or even cuddle. We talk a lot still but mostly about her sexual partner. I hardly see her now. I still try to initiate sex but she’s always tired or on her period or any other excuse and when she tries to initiate sex, it’s usually at the most awkward or inopportune times. All of the intimacy is gone and we haven’t had sex in almost two months. I want to bring this up to her but her frustration with these types of talks has pushed her to threatening a break up or says she’s feeling like I’m never satisfied with her. She says constantly that I’m the man she wants to marry and that she can’t see herself with anyone but me. So it’s a bit confusing.
My working theory right now is that what I need in my life is maturity and the partner I’ve found is exactly that. Responsible but fun and is all about balance and fairness. On the other hand, my gf is looking for thoughtless fun and availability and her partner embodies that as well. He has none of his own things, rarely goes to his job, and is easily aroused no matter what. I don’t want to leave my gf and I know who she was and that the person I fell in love with but I’m not sure that I care for who she is now. We’ve tossed around the idea of couples therapy once we get our finances back under control but she doesn’t honestly seem very interested in the idea. I’m just not sure what to do at this point.
Update #1: The same day I posted this, she got a call from her mother who was the main antagonist of her childhood. They’ve had a sort of surface level relationship since she left home. Her mom stated her brother was going through a bit of psychosis due to self-isolation for the better part of his late teens and that she had some realizations about how she parented her children and apologized to my gf. It seemed to have unlocked something in her and she let out a lot of held in resentment. She asserted to her mom that she’s going to start therapy because she’s realizing that she’s becoming her mother and she doesn’t want to hurt people like she was hurt as a child. I’m not sure how much she meant this, being that she was extremely emotional about it, but while on break at her new job that she started last week she’s been applying for a second job, saying that she thinks she thinks having so much free time this year has been affecting her negatively and she wants to work to have some emotional and financial independence. This is all good and well, but a lot of you in the comments have brought up some amazing points and I think this is ultimately about figuring out what I actually want. I don’t think hopping out of one relationship to another is something that’d benefit me or anyone else in the long run and I realize I do deserve to have some say of my own life and boundaries and desires. But I also know that relationships are work, but that work has to be mutual. I’m going to do a lot of thinking and I’ll update this post if there are any developments.
---
[**[Update] Me (27M) and my GF (25F) opened our relationship and have started to lose our “spark”**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ywmmtt/update_me_27m_and_my_gf_25f_opened_our/) - 16 November 2022
So it’s been a few months and I figured I’d update you all on the situation, if you’re still curious.
So a week or so after the original post I realized things weren’t improving. I went to some friends about the situation and it was unanimously time for a break up. I knew it was my decision to make ultimately and I read through all of the comments from the original post and decided that I deserved to figure out how I wanted to live life. So I broke up with her and told her all the reasons why. I told her all of the things I didn’t like and would need to change if there was even any hope of ever considering getting back together. She cried and we talked (over the phone because she was never home when I was home so we couldn’t talk in person). She seemed to understand my reasoning and was saying she was going to work on herself. It was getting close to the end of the lease and I had found a new place with my roommate and she was under the impression she was going to move in with me. I considered letting her move with me but ultimately decided it was a bad idea, especially because she went on a rant about my friends and how she wanted to hurt them because she found out that they agreed that I should break up with her.
So finally I told her she couldn’t move with me, she went to live with the dude she had been seeing and she kept in contact. She never put forth any effort to improve. She constantly gave me updates of how shitty the guy is and offered me sex on occasions. Her situation with him started to mirror how she treated me and immediately she realized that how he treated her was abusive and toxic. I explained all the parallels between her situation and our situation and she gave a half-hearted apology.
I got back into therapy and I’ve been doing great ever since. My finances are more stable than they’ve been in years and I’m now dating the girl I was seeing before. This has been the easiest relationship I’ve had in my life. Our styles of communication are similar and how we show affection and care are the same. It was jarring at first because I’ve been so used to chaos and abuse even in relationships before my ex. Dating this girl feels like finally having someone on the same team as me. Someone dependable and consistent. Took a while to break habits of co-dependency and realize that I’m allowed my own space and freedoms with her.
I had to get back into my hobbies and I started going back to the gym because I had started thinking back over the last 6 years of my life and all of the shit I put up with and sacrificed for my ex and I kept blowing up on her and my therapist told me it wasn’t healthy for me to channel my frustrations out like that. So I’ve been a lot more productive and creative these days.
TLDR: I broke up with my gf, started dating the girl from the open relationship. I’ve been genuinely happy for the first time in a long time if not the happiest I’ve ever been. I have a new apartment and I’m in therapy working through everything.
Thanks for all the comments on the original post. Even the ones that weren’t that great.
---
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | Stepoo | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z2e3f3/me_27m_and_my_gf_25f_opened_our_relationship_and/ | z2e3f3 | 10,524 | 6,047 | [
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"2022-11-23T05:41:04" | AITA for not getting on a flight upon finding out that he put my kids in economy? | ONGOING | This one was very popular on r/AITA last week, but I wanted to include the update since not everyone saw it.
**I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/thethrowaway156](https://www.reddit.com/user/thethrowaway156/). I fixed a few spelling errors for readability, but changed nothing else. I don't think any trigger warnings are needed, but let me know if you feel otherwise!
Mood Spoiler: >!good ending!<
**Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ywyb7n/aita_for_not_getting_on_a_flight_upon_finding_out/)**: November 16, 2022**
So, my fiancee has 3 kids from his former marriage whilst I have 2, from my former marriage as well.
I quit my job to start focusing on getting my degree. He's become the "breadwinner" if you will although I still contribute with my savings! I also do 80% of child-care and chores.
Long story short, He wanted me and my kids to attend thanksgiving with his family who are located across country and we were supposed to go yesterday (ahead of time to get a rental place). He booked our tickets and everything but later, before the flight I found out that he, his kids and myself were put in 1st class whilst my 2 kids (14) & (10) were put in economy. I was stunned, he acted like it was a no big deal and told us it's just few hours and the kids could "just hang in there for a little while". I asked how he could think this was acceptable and he got mad and said he's the one paying for tickets then we go by his rules. I immediately turned around and took the kids and made my way out of the airport. He started following us screaming at me to go back but I refused and told him that I no longer felt like spending thanksgiving with his folks after this. My youngest cried because she never flew without me.
He went with his kids. My and the kids are home. He has not stop calling trying to berate me and even had his mom text that I needed to get over myself and stop teaching my kids to be spoiled and entitled. She said that the fact that I was "willing" to miss thanksgiving with the family over something so trivial shows my real character and personality and mindset or "lack thereof". I have not replied but I feel horrible.
AITA, should I have just let it slide and just went? In case I wasn't clear, ME AND THE KIDS LEFT OUR FAMILY/HOMETOWN SO WE COULD GO CELEBRATE WITH HIS FAMILY IN HIS HOMETOWN. My kids weren't too excited leaving their grandparents for a week or so.
*Commenter asks the ages of his kids in case they were infants*:
12 & 15. Very close in age to my kids. He says he paid then he decided who get what but he seems to forget that I'm juggling BOTH child-care (yes that includes doing eveeeeerything for his kids) and household chores. While studying as well. So I think that it's unfair to say that just because I don't bring in any money then I don't get to have a say in his decisions. Specifically decisions like this.
***OOP is judged NTA***
**Update (Same Post)**
UPDATE I'm currently getting myself and the kids packed so that we go stay with my mother. This has happened BEFORE in other instances but I kept thinking to myself "this is not right but I have invested too much time and effort in this relationship so maybe this shouldn't get in the way"..and I'd try to minimize most situations where I find my kids being put last. Not only that but he tried to give me an ultimatum regarding getting my degree and what was my response? "This isn't right...." but kept making light of it and letting go. Now he's probably badmouthing me to the whole family (and so is his mom, bless her effing heart) The kids and I are leaving, He'll be coming back to an empty home...except he'll find some company with the engagement ring that I took off and left on the nightstand. Distance and some re-evaluation is needed right now. Thank you to all who reached out with helpful input and perspectives. You're right, my kids come first and that's what I keep trying to do and I hope I won't ever fail. Thank you so much for the support.
**OOP, I wish you and your kids well. You deserve better.** | LucyAriaRose | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z2gohx/aita_for_not_getting_on_a_flight_upon_finding_out/ | z2gohx | 4,087 | 10,572 | [
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"2022-11-23T07:48:47" | Draft rewards are perfect | ONGOING | boopinmybop | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z2j0qo/draft_rewards_are_perfect/ | z2j0qo | 0 | 1 | [
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|
"2022-11-23T11:46:28" | why can't some women stay alone and heal instead of going right ahead to fck a good guy's life? | ONGOING | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z2n1b9/why_cant_some_women_stay_alone_and_heal_instead/ | z2n1b9 | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-23T13:34:36" | AITA for not getting on a flight upon finding out that he put my kids in economy? | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z2p9xv/aita_for_not_getting_on_a_flight_upon_finding_out/ | z2p9xv | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-23T14:28:40" | A Stranger Knocked on My Door For 20 Minutes | INCONCLUSIVE | **I'm NOT OP.**
**TW: >! Stalkish !<**
**Mood spoiler: >! disappointing !<**
**It was originally posted by u/kimbo200 in r/LetsNotMeet**
**[A Stranger Knocked on My Door For 20 Minutes](https://www.reddit.com/r/LetsNotMeet/comments/yfyu3m/a_stranger_knocked_on_my_door_for_20_minutes/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) - oct 28, 2022**
Last night, my (22 F) husband (25 M) woke me up at around 11:50 to tell me that someone has been knocking on our door and ringing our apartment doorbell for about 10 minutes on and off. He woke me so I could possibly ID the person. Once I looked out our upstairs apartment window, I saw the man walking to his car in our apartment parking lot (across the street from our unit).
He was wearing blue jeans and a gray T-shirt. He was a medium build, possibly 30 year old blonde man. He wasn't covering his face or anything. But the thing is, he was carrying what looked like resistance bands or rope. He sat in his car for around 3 minutes while I was on the phone with dispatch. Then, he came back to our door and knocked hard for another few minutes. Dispatch advised me that the police were on their way...and they hung up.
I started videoing the vehicle, I read out the tag number and make and model and just watched as he put his car in park and reverse over and over again. Out of seemingly nowhere, he backed out of the parking lot and starting rushing away - but not before the officer arrived and pulled him over.
My downstairs neighbor knocked on my door and told me that he had been peering into her little children's windows and was pounding on her door as well. She said that her husband had left only ONE MINUTE before he started knocking at her door. She said he saw her children through the window and that's why he continued knocking. Our doors are right next to one another, so he probably didn't know what door he wanted opened. He was watching us as well through our upstairs windows, so I turned all of the lights out and shut the blinds while I called dispatch.
The police never contacted us for a statement. I've reached out the dispatch about an update, and I'm waiting to see if any action was taken. We're keeping our eyes peeled to see if he's been following us. I'm replacing my porch lightbulbs with motion detectors and putting bars in our window and door tracks. My neighbor and our families are panicked, to say the least. He was outside for about 25-30 minutes.
&#x200B;
To the knocking man with bad intentions...let's not meet.
&#x200B;
**Updates on same post**
UPDATE:
I am trained in firearm usage, and now live in a state where I can open carry and the background check is really quick. We are going this weekend to get a firearm. My husband will be taking some classes as he came from somewhere where owning a gun is illegal, so he's never handled one.
I am still waiting on a call from the responding officer. I have his badge number and name, so if they don't reach out to me today/tonight (he might work 3rd shift), I will call the substation. If they didn't do anything, I will go ahead and make a suspicious persons case for the paper trail. We had no odd encounters last night.
HOWEVER... while I was looking at the video I took, I remember that car. I was walking my dog at 8PM a week ago for him to pee, and this car was driving really slow through the parking lot and parked a few spots down from where I was letting my dog sniff. They just sat there with the car running. When I tell you my ears started ringing and I got an awful feeling, I'm not joking. I turned around and went home, didn't give my dog the chance to pee, and shut every door and window.
I think this man has been staking out our apartment building, me and my neighbors. I think he wanted to get in where those children are.
I'll update more when I have new information.
UPDATE #2:
It's been a week since the incident. I called dispatch today because I NEVER received a follow up from the responding officer. A Sergeant from the PD called me back to give me more information.
He said that they pulled over the man, ran him to make sure there were no warrants, and asked him what he was doing. He told the officer that he was "meeting up with an acquaintance."
THE OFFICER LET HIM GO WITH NO FURTHER QUESTIONS.
Not only that. The responding officer...is also a Sergeant. I about lost my mind. The sergeant I spoke to today stated that he should have looked into it more, it was obviously an attempt at burglary (sexually motivated and/or with intent to commit a felony). The responding officer is supposed to call me tonight when he gets on duty. I'm livid honestly.
Zero due diligence for this case...but there's not even a case. No case number, just a documented police contact.
I'll give more info when I have it.
FINAL UPDATE:
The officer finally called me. Here’s how the conversation went:
“Hello?” I answered groggily, it was well past midnight,
“Hello miss. I was told you have some questions about an incident a few nights ago.”
“Yes, about Thursday. I wanted to know what that man told you he was doing. You know, he was looking in windows and carrying potential restraints. I’m not sure if that was relayed to you.”
“I stopped him, ran his tags, and he told me that he was meeting up with a guy from a dating app. He seemed forthcoming and open with his motive for being there,”
“Meeting up with-wait. He was meeting up with someone by looking in windows, knocking on two different doors for 20 minutes?” I was shocked, and still not fully awake.
“Like I said, he seemed forthcoming and honest with me,” so was Jeffery dahmer was the first thing that came to mind,
“With resistance bands? Like workout bands?”
“He had lots of belongings in his car, so he probably just had them in there.”
“Right. But bringing them to a hookup? Knocking on multiple doors. He saw the little girls through the window. He waited until my neighbors husband left until knocking. That’s on tape, officer. I checked in with the Apartment management after the incident,”
“Well, I’m familiar with this individual, and I’ve been doing drive throughs of your complex to make sure he doesn’t come back. I haven’t seen anything. If you don’t have any more questions, I’ll let you go ma’am,”
“Doesn’t make sense to me, but thank you, goodbye” and I hung up.
I don’t have much to say, I just feel so icky about that conversation. Nothing new has come of the situation, I haven’t seen the man or the car. My mind is blown at the lack of follow up or due diligence. I live in a suburb. It’s not a busy one either, the PD has a small jurisdiction. Guess I’ll have to protect myself.
**Relevant comments by OOP:**
(**************************************)
[1.](https://www.reddit.com/r/LetsNotMeet/comments/yfyu3m/a_stranger_knocked_on_my_door_for_20_minutes/iu8m7fh?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3)True, knocking isn't illegal, but looking into windows is a criminal act.
To add: They let him go. The whole police encounter was less than 15 minutes. It takes much longer if they were to detain him. That's why I'm trying to figure out who he is/what he told the officer.
(**************************************)
[2.](https://www.reddit.com/r/LetsNotMeet/comments/yfyu3m/a_stranger_knocked_on_my_door_for_20_minutes/iu8nmdb?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3).The reason why I think this isn't the case for my situation:
He was knocking on both doors simultaneously, and peering in windows.
He was carrying what could be used as restraints.
He saw me calling 911 through our window, and continued to knock.
He waited until my neighbor's husband left, and then one minute later started knocking.
I don't think he was trying to steal something because ALL of our lights were on. I sleep with a side lamp until my husband comes to bed. He had the living room lights and his light on in his office. My neighbor keeps her front windows well lit as well for security. Almost all other units around us are dark at night. Why pick the building with the lights on and people awake inside?
My guess, he was going to rush us if we opened the door. He was knocking persistently until we got annoyed - and would open it to confront him.
(**************************************)
[3.](https://www.reddit.com/r/LetsNotMeet/comments/yfyu3m/a_stranger_knocked_on_my_door_for_20_minutes/iu8ovzv?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3)Yes, in my state we have peeping tom laws and it is illegal to peer into windows. He walked up and put his hands on their window to look in.
Here's some legal info about the PC647 (the peeping tom law):
A first offense carries a penalty of no more than 6 months in county jail and/or a fine of up to $1000.
A subsequent offense, though also a misdemeanor, carries up to one year in county jail and/or a fine up to $20002. This also applies if you were peeking in on or invading the privacy of a minor3.
To prove that you violated PC 647(i), the DA must prove beyond a reasonable doubt each of the following elements of the offense:
You wandered, delayed, prowled or lingered on the private property of another person
While you had no authority, consent or other lawful purpose to be on the property
And looked into, or peeked, into a window or door of an inhabited structure or dwelling on that property
(**************************************)
[4.](https://www.reddit.com/r/LetsNotMeet/comments/yfyu3m/a_stranger_knocked_on_my_door_for_20_minutes/iu8mn9i?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3)Just asked my husband. He said when he went downstairs (our front door is downstairs) and looked through the peephole, he couldn't see the man. Sounds to me like he was hiding on our front porch area. My neighbors door is right next to mine. They told me that they didn't answer because he was peering into the little children's windows.
(**************************************)
**Reminder - I'm not the Original Poster** | It_hurtsss | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z2qjgh/a_stranger_knocked_on_my_door_for_20_minutes/ | z2qjgh | 10,125 | 3,396 | [
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"2022-11-23T16:16:13" | OOP - My sister married my abuser. Now she's passed, my mother wants me to take in her 3 children. | CONCLUDED | [removed] | prettiergenghis | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z2t7yp/oop_my_sister_married_my_abuser_now_shes_passed/ | z2t7yp | 9 | 3,785 | [
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"2022-11-23T16:37:17" | OOP asks if she is TA for messaging her boyfriend's ex | CONCLUDED | *\*\*I am NOT OOP. Original post by* [*u/aitamilgirlfriend*](https://www.reddit.com/user/aitamilgirlfriend/) *in conversation with* [*u/holyshitisthisajoke*](https://www.reddit.com/user/holyshitisthisajoke/) *in* [*r/AmItheAsshole*](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/)
&#x200B;
# AITA for messaging my boyfriend’s ex? [[LINK - AITA](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gtksde/aita_for_messaging_my_boyfriends_ex/)] - May 30, 2020
#
Throw away because I’m pretty sure people involved have Reddit.
I (25f) have been dating my boyfriend (30m) for about a year. Before me, he had a relationship with a girl for about 5 years and lived with her. From what he told me he joined the military and they tried to make it work. He never went into details about why the broke up, just that it was for the best and it was mutual and that they’re on good terms.
So with them being on “good terms” they are still friends/follow each other on all social media. Some of his mail still sometimes end up there so she’ll text him if it looks important and he’ll say whether she should toss it or forward it to him. He also left a decent amount of stuff behind after he moved out because she has mailed him things she’s found before.
One day before the shutdown she calls and says she got a juror summons in the mail for him and they are on the phone for a solid HOUR about this. I thought this was super rude but whatever. I asked why she couldn’t just forward it to him and he told ME to shush! So they get off the phone and I asked why he shushed me. And he said he was trying to listen to what she was saying. I asked if he suggested to her what I said about mailing it to him and he said no. I asked if she even knows about me or if he’s trying to hide me from her. He asked where that even came from. Clearly they’re still friendly so I feel like she should know me. He told me it doesn’t matter and that he’s sure she does since they’re still friends on FB
The other day we were with his friends and he mentions how he wished he would have remembered to get his poker table from his old apt. I said how we should ask her for it. He laughed at me and said there’s no way he could ask her to ship it but if HE’S in the area visiting he might call and ask to see if she still has it. I lost it. I asked why only HE would be visiting and why I couldn’t meet her. He asked why I wanted to. I told him she doesn’t even know I exist and she should so she knows her place. He said I was crazy and told me I need needed to grow up. He said if I don’t let this go then we’re over
I decided that he was wrong and she did need to know who I was I messaged her on FB and she read my message but didn’t respond. I sent another saying that I deserved some respect from her as bfs current gf and I’d appreciate a response. She reads it and still no response.
Turns out she screenshot and sent it to my boyfriend asking why I was messaging her if he wanted something. He showed up at my house asking why I did that. He seemed calm so i figured it was fine and told him that I needed her to know and this way we can get his things. He blew up and said I was making problems where there wasn’t any. I said he was choosing her over me. He said he couldn’t be with someone who created a drama and broke up with me.
I think he’s being dramatic and I doubt this break up is going to last. AITA for messaging her?
&#x200B;
*Verdict: Asshole*
&#x200B;
*Few of OOP's comments:*
&#x200B;
>[1](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gtksde/comment/fscm99o/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) She lives on the east coast and we live on the west. So a casual meet up wouldn’t have been able to happen And I certainly didn’t want to be her friend. I wanted her to know I was with him now.
>
>He said he thinks it would be weird to introduce us since they aren’t close. But she still texts him about his mail so clearly they are.
>
>[2](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gtksde/comment/fscmuej/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) My first message wasn’t rude and super polite which was I was offended she didn’t respond. Then I was rude and then she sent screenshots instead of talking to me.
>
>[3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gtksde/comment/fscncvw/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) Because I’m the current girlfriend. If anything she should text me about the mail instead of him out of respect.
>
>[4](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gtksde/comment/fscntkh/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) How is it not my business when I’m his girlfriend? He should be completely transparent and honest with me and that includes letting her know where she stands
>
>[5](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gtksde/comment/fscon9t/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) Ugh, it’s about respecting the relationship. And if he would have told her about me I wouldn’t be a stranger.
&#x200B;
# The Ex-GF replies 6 hours later [[Comment Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gtksde/comment/fsdrr9v/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)] - May 30, 2020
&#x200B;
HOLY SHIT.
SO HI IM THE EX GIRLFRIEND
literally just chilling, a bottle of wine deep when a friends forwards this to me and is like “is this Lindsey?”
HI LINDSEY. IT’S JENNA. MIKE’S EX GIRLFRIEND
I don’t even know where to begin. I’m flabbergasted.
For people who may be wondering, or for Lindsey....
Mike and I broke up because he up and joined the military without so much as a conversation, for a “life long dream” he has without ever once mentioning it the four years we were together prior. Trust was a little shaken, but I tried. Fun fact about LDR’s, distance is just a giant freaking magnifying glass on the problems/issues you overlooked and when he came back the last time we decided “nah we good” and broke up. He moved most of his shit out (currently regretting not fighting for him to take it all or being mean enough to just put it out with trash)
We’ve been broken up for 3 years and I’ve texted him THREE times. (I guess until the screenshots) Once about a letter that looked important and wasn’t. 2 times to mail shit to him. Only phone call made was prior the world shutting down to let him know about a juror summons. WHICH HE COULD HAVE HAS A WARRANT FOR NOT RESPONDING????
So for all the people who think it’s shady we’re so close still. WE AINT. We’re still friends on Facebook so yes Lindsey, I knew about you since you post and tag about four pictures of you together A DAY. Also kind of surprised you went this route simple because when we were together he was obsessed with reddit. So I’m sure he’ll see this at some point. Don’t worry not going to screenshot. Clearly that got me in trouble.
Honestly though Lindsey, can you blame me for not responding? Well I guess so. Sorry to disappoint guys but the dummy put a lot of super detailed stuff in the message so putting it out there would totally dox him and that’s not cool for him. Or me really I guess. Or her.
Basically she thought throwing his rank at me meant I HAD to give the poker table back. I must respect someone of that rank and in turn her because she supported him into that rank so basically they were both ranked that. HELL NO I WASN’T RESPONDING TO THAT LEVEL OF CRAZY.
Had he called me and said he was in town and wanted to grab the things and you showed up, I wouldn’t have thought twice cause we weren’t going to have a god damned picnic.
But I’ll tell you what, you better not show up anywhere near my house.
Also, screw you for doing this cause now Mike needs someone to “vent to” and I AINT THE ONE. Go say sorry to ya man’s and put this shit to bed.
EDITED TO ADD
the phone call was MAYBE 15 minutes and I had to have been on speaker because you WE WHINING SO DAMN LOUD about needed attention and you were hungry and bored. I did offer to mail it but he said it would be faster for the info over the phone. YA CRAZY
&#x200B;
# OOP Responds 2.5 hours later [[Comment Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gtksde/comment/fse5pnq/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)] - May 30, 2020
How nice of you to finally want to have an adult conversation where it’s public and you can make me look bad. I don’t care why you broke up, he clearly chose me and I figured reminding you of his rank would remind you of the respect we both deserve. I tried messaging you on fb again but you blocked me which is really immature of you.
It must be nice that he’s talking to you about our problems. I’m sure you’re loving that. You would think since you don’t like “drama” you would have stayed out of our relationship but I guess not.
I am going to give him his space and hopefully work this out over the next week or so. Nobody throws away an almost year relationship with someone that loves him as much as I do.
Grow up and have a nice life Jenna
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
*\*\*Reminder - I am not the original poster* | ShakeThatTushy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z2tr82/oop_asks_if_she_is_ta_for_messaging_her/ | z2tr82 | 9,270 | 4,553 | [
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"2022-11-23T17:06:02" | Found (F29) hidden folder on husbands (M33) phone with pictures and videos he secretly took of his former secretary (F21) + UPDATES | REPOST | **I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/throwawayyyy2324 **in** r/relationship_advice
*OOP has since deleted their account.*
*This was previously posted here more than a year ago.*
&#x200B;
trigger warnings: >!sexual abuse, cheating, fetish!<
mood spoilers: >!infuriating/exasperating and sad - esp last update!<
[**Found (F29) hidden folder on husbands (M33) phone with pictures and videos he secretly took of his former secretary (F21) + UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ocwvbn/deleted_by_user/) **- 3rd July 2021**
Hi everyone, not a native speaker so apologies in advance.
Married since 3 years, in a relationship since over 5 years. After a long academic journey we are both at the start of our careers and being pretty successful doing so. Recently bought our dream house together and simply enjoying the few years we got left to do whatever we like since we’re planing on having kids in a couple of years from now.
Our relationship feels (felt) to me like it’s made to last forever. We’re sharing the same values, same humor, same goals. Also we where both old and experienced enough to tell it’s not just puppy love but or anything like that.
We both share pretty much open phone policy which just came natural (sharing pictures, simple grabbing the next device available to look something up etc).
We both own iPhones and I recently stumbled across the possibility to mask/fade out (sorry, I don’t know the exact term) pictures and they will only appear in special folder.
Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa that caught my attention concerning his phone.
So last Monday, when he went for his swim training, he left his phone at home and I went for it. What I found was beyond every expectation I’ve had. I thought maybe I would find some random porn or even pictures of his ex or something like that. I found pictures and (slow-mo)videos he took in the office over a span of a few weeks of his (now) former secretary. She is a 21 year old pretty attractive girl.
He recently got a new job and the pictures started around the time he knew he would quit his old job and therefore probably wouldn’t see her again. The pictures mainly focused on her ass, her legs, her heels. There were also saved profile pictures of hers from social media. Then there was something else which I still can’t or don’t want to believe: one series of pictures shows her ass in a tight dark jeans with some fresh/wet stains of something that looks like sperm on it. (He kinda has a fetish for anything that has to do with girls getting messy with sperm in porn and/or RL).
I felt and feel shocked and can’t think of anything else since I found that Pandora’s box. I did not talk to him about it yet. He’s not suspecting anything even though I could not act around him “normal”. Him asking what’s wrong I told him I don’t feel very well due to my period (which is also true by the way).
So please share your opinion about it. How should I approach this? Should I even approach it? Is this normal behavior? Has anybody experienced something like that?
Thank you for your support.
EDIT: first of all I want to thank you all for caring so much. Regarding your comments I feel the need to add some more context.
He spoke to me about her regularly when he told me from his day at work - she was his personal secretary/assistant. They also talked private stuff but nothing inappropriate. More like small talk (what did you do over the weekend stuff like that). At least he told me so. BUT he always liked trying to make me a little bit jealous. Seemed to be a turn on for him. He tried so by telling me ‚innocent‘ things about other girls that were obviously attractive. Like ‚she has new nails which look way better now‘ or ‚today she dresses a little bit inappropriate for work‘ He always did so with a smile.
And of course I knew what was going on and what he was up to. And of course he (in retroperspective) talked about her in that way. Most of the time it did not bother me since I was sure it would be something childish he needs for himself. Most of the time I wouldn’t even react.
He has no social connection to her anymore - not in social media not in real life. The only connection/contact they do still have is their phone numbers. She sometimes has to reach out to him to ask for some work related stuff, since not all of his cases/projects have been finished when he left the job. He openly tells me about that when there was contact. Seems/seemed normal to me.
What I don’t know is, where he has the social media pictures from. I looked it up, they are not connected via Instagram or Facebook and her profile is set on private. He doesn’t use any other social media as far as I know. Some of the pictures were WhatsApp-Profile-pics others probably not. That makes me wonder a little bit.
Maybe I should try and hold myself back for a few days and see if the folder is updated regular. What do you guys think? Also I feel the urge to check on his other devices but did resist so far...
EDIT: I’m overwhelmed with your responses. Certainly did not expect so much feedback and so much sympathy. Some responses even brought tears to my eyes...
I’m pretty collect right now although I think it’ll be another sleepless night.
I have a plan. I need to find out since so many of you suspect there is more to it. Tomorrow he will be at work while I’m working from home. All of his devices expect for his phone will be here. I will look at them, I simply have to know. I know this could backfire but I’m being totally egoistic here. He lost his right of privacy the moment he took pictures of this young lady (by the way, I met her a few times when I was visiting him at work and she is a true sweetheart...). I’m getting angry writing this at the moment. I will find out and will save the evidence and confront him.
I will keep you guys updated. Should I keep on editing this post or start a new one? (I really don’t know since I’m pretty much new to this active posting thing).
EDIT/UPDATE:
Good morning everyone.
Right now I’m sitting in front of his computer (MacBook Pro which is connected to his phone). He’s at work an will return in about 4 hours. I have absolutely no clue how and where to search for evidence. I’ve always used windows my whole life. I know some of you might not wanna be a part of this but if anyone could provide some help - e.g. where to find the photostream - that would help me a lot.
For anybody wondering how I’m doing: didn’t sleep a lot, feeling empty at the moment with my heartbeat going very fast. Of course he noticed. He was caring (he always is) and I tried my best acting it’s all due to my period plus migraines.
Thanks for your support.
UPDATE I’m shocked ! Calling my sister now. This is too much to handle for me.
UPDATE: Sorry for letting you guys wait for so long. Now I’m sitting here at my sisters house spending the first night without him for years. It’s about 10 pm here in Europe if you wonder. After one of you guys told me about the photos app on Mac I opened it. It was a mirror of his phone and then some...
There is as the hidden folder with all of the spy-pics. Also there was an album by the name of her initials. It was the single most disgusting thing I ever saw: He took pictures and videos of himself ejaculating in prepped food in a Tupperware while obviously being in his office bathroom. A few pics later she was eating her lunch at the office right out of that Tupperware, pictures of him coming into a coffee or on cookies... you can imagine the rest I think.
Besides that I found dozens of pics and videos of her from social media which all seem to be screenshots or screen recordings (i don’t even know if this is word). I have absolutely no idea where he got these from since they are not connected officially on any social media. I already commented that I decided to call my sister who come over immediately. I was in a total state of shock and showed her everything. She was my rescue.
She told me to go grab an external harddrive and took a copy of all that shit while I was packing my bags for the next few nights. We left before he got home. His laptop was still open with also the album open when we left. About 2 hours later he tried to call me like a 100 times. My sister took the phone once and told him to stop it in a very explicit manner. He wrote and is writing me messages constantly to come home and took about everything. We could fix this, he needs my help and stuff like that. I didn’t answer. Not a single word.
I’m just sitting here crying most of the time and feeling like the biggest idiot of all time for falling to a guy like him. It takes the floor under my feet. It scares me not knowing what comes next, not knowing what to do tomorrow and how to deal with all of that. I also think that I should contact her - it’s too much. I would appreciate your advice here. He is a lawyer, the city we live in is his hometown. His career would be over for sure of this happens to become public. I don’t think he could ever recover. And for myself, I would always be his woman, the poor wife...
[**UPDATE - 1**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/oe1wz6/deleted_by_user/) **- 5th July 2021**
Hello everyone, I want to keep you guys updated and also ask for your further advise.
I decided to talk to him and give him the opportunity to explain this whole thing from his perspective. Not that I had any hope but a confrontation was unavoidable anyway.
So yesterday on Sunday we met at our house - it is also my house! I told him my sister knew I was here and she would call me in about one hour to confirm I’m ok. I have to mention I had no fear concerning violence or something like that, anyway better safe than sorry.
When I arrived he initially was very reserved and observant. I acted calm and distant. We sat down and he said nothing. So I told him not to waste my time and to say what he had to say. He then asked me what I think I found and I couldn’t help but respond that I found out he was a sexual criminal and that I will report him to the police. That probably was a mistake. His mimic changed and he told me this would be a very bad idea and may result in some serious trouble for me.
He claimed he had an affair with his former assistant for quite some time and this whole sperm/food-thing was just a game/bet between them. The bet was he would make her eat his sperm before he left the job. The pictures would be the proof and he already showed her all of them to win the bet. He said it was just a kinky game between them. The other pics of her ass etc were also taken consensual. At least she knew about it. So he told me there was nothing illegal going on and if I would go to the police this would be ‚wrong suspicion‘ performed by me.
Also nobody would believe me anyways cause it would clearly be an act of revenge from the betrayed wife. Last but not least he would know the chief prosecutor personally (which is true). So if I went to the police I would only make a fool of myself and also probably commit a crime.
At that moment I couldn’t think straight anymore. I reacted emotionally rather then think rationally. I lost it and told him to go out of the house... it got ugly. The result was, he actually left the house. I had no idea if and when he might come back and also felt very uncomfortable in the house. I then packed a few more things and went back to my sisters house where I’m planning on staying for the week at least. Today I called in sick at work.
Now I’m no fool and of course I see him being a lawyer trying to protect at least his career by claiming it was all consensual. He knows me very well and he knows our relationship was over the moment I found the pictures. I’ve always been very strict and consequent in former relationships and he knows that. On the other hand his claim could be true. I think I’ll contact a lawyer as I need one for divorce anyway.
EDIT: I had to call her. We will meet in about 2 hours in a café next to the office. She seemed surprised but not concerned. For your context: we already met a few times when I was visiting him at the office and casually spoke a few words. So I’m no stranger to her. I will drag some of the photos on my phone to show her. This whole thing feels so unreal but if I wouldn’t do it, the feeling of not knowing and not being able to do something until next week when I meet my lawyer would be to hard to endure.
[**UPDATE - 2**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/oeqrnp/update_found_f29_hidden_folder_on_husbands_m33/) **- 6th July 2021**
When she arrived I could already see by her mimics she had no clue what was going on and why I asked her to meet me. This turned out to be true.
First thing I asked her was, if he contacted her within the last couple of days. She denied. I had a feeling she was telling the truth. A 22 year old girl (I asked her for her age) could not have lied to my face this calm and collect, I think.
So I told her I found very inappropriate and disturbing photos of hers on his phone. I showed her some of the spy-pics on my phone and asked her if she knew or noticed about that. She reacted completely irate. The pictures I showed her were ‘normal’ ones so nothing about the really gross part just yet.
I asked her about their relationship and his behavior towards her. She initially said everything was ok and normal and most of the time he used to be very polite. But she added that towards the end of his job he used to approach her very often and talked to her about personal topics such as her relationship-status.
One time he made up a fictional scenario where he said he would ask her out if he wasn’t married. When she replied to him she would have said no in that scenario because she would want to separate work from private life he acted offended and talked her into saying yes. I felt ashamed for his behavior and apologized for him.
Then I told her that there would be something else which I needed to inform her about. I told her about the other pictures involving the food. I didn’t plan to show her the pictures but she really really wanted to see them. I showed them to her and she literally nearly threw up. She was in a state of shock. It broke my heart so I sat next to her and took her hand. I told her I’m by her side and will support her whatever she plans on doing.
I told her I already left the house and will divorce him. I couldn’t help but started crying seeing what he’s done to that lovely girl. I asked her if she wanted me to accompany her on her way home but she said it was ok, she went by car. She will talk to her family and certainly report him and also file a lawsuit against him. At least that’s what she said. I feel so incredibly sorry for her it breaks my heart. At the same time I feel so angry about him and still hope this is just a nightmare. Hopefully I did the right thing.
&#x200B;
[**UPDATE - 3**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/opbtqz/deleted_by_user/) **- 22nd July 2021**
One day after I met her, she must have gone to the police and reported him. Two days later I received a call from a police officer who asked me to show up at his office and bring the pictures I copied with me. Of course I went there and handed them to him (I still own another copy though). He asked me if I wanted to testify (correct word?), but told me I didn’t have to cause he is my husband. I agreed and told him everything I know, how I found out, how I contacted her…
The very next day the police called me again and asked if I was at home. A couple of hours later, four policemen, my husband and a prosecutor showed up at our house. My husband handed them all electronic devices, hard drives, old phones, usb etc. They also searched through our house for hidden ones but, as far as I know, didn’t find any.
My husband told me he was currently living in a hotel room and said he would come back later to get some clothes and other belongings if that was ok. I agreed but told him I wouldn’t be there. He said we need to talk, but he will not pressure me and give me time and space. He said he loves me and the whole thing looks more ugly than it actually is, it just got a little out of hand.
To be honest, I would have loved to punch him right in his face and/or scream at him but I couldn’t say a single word which was probably better anyway. On that afternoon he obviously got some stuff out of the house and when I came back, his keys would lie on the table next to a printed e-mail from a craftsman who would come a few days later to repair something with the garage door.
Ever since I’m alone at the house and really nothing has happened.
I gotta be honest here, I cancelled the appointment I originally had with my own lawyer concerning divorce. It’s not that I’m having an illusion everything will eventually turn good. I just don’t feel ready for it. It’s been a little too much for me lately. I will proceed as soon as I find some energy.
That’s about it. He did not contact me, not a single word. Even though I’m in constant contact to my sister I feel pretty lonely and sort of depressed. Also I’m a little scared alone at the house. We’ve had some pretty bad thunderstorms lately at nights.
From what I’ve read in the previous comments there was a discussion about where I’m from - actually put a smile on my face getting so much attention. It’s Germany. So one of you guys just won a Waschmaschine 😄
❤️
&#x200B;
[**UPDATE - 4**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/pxeifs/deleted_by_user/) **- 29th September 2021**
Since my last post from r/relationship_advice got removed after a few minutes I decided to post my latest - and probably last - update here.
Hello everyone, I’ve received lots of messages asking for updates so I decided to post one.
I know a lot of you guys will be disappointed and that’s ok. It was a very though time, lots of emotions, fights, tears, sleepless nights but eventually he is my husband and I’m his wife - in the good times and in the bad. We are giving it another chance.
I will not explain every detail that lead us to this point but I will say it was not an easy decision to make. We had very good conversations, he really opened up, took care of my feelings and really didn’t pressure me. I know what he did was wrong. Of course he knows that as well. But saying it was all his fault wouldn’t be fair. She is not that innocent girl I thought she was. Of course I blame him for falling for her but she must have made it though for him and in the end he is only human.
I know what victim blaming is but that’s not the case here. Again, I will not go into details, but she knew exactly what she was doing. She knew how he likes womans dresses, shoes, nails etc. She must have been flirty with him from day one which is for almost three years now. I couldn’t even blame a man for getting weak, certainly not for finding another valve. She is not an angel.
Probably most of you guys will now consider me weak and - best case - will tell of he was gaslighting me… feel free to do so, it’s ok. In the end it’s my life, my marriage, my shoes to walk in.
For the criminal proceeding: he reached a deal and paid a fine. The money will be received by charity. There was no court proceedings.
To this point she didn’t sue him, which I think speaks for itself!
Anyways I still love you guys and I’m very thankful for all the support I received. ❤️
EDIT: I feel the need to explain a little bit more on my decision. I married him knowing all of his kinks and fetishizes. I knew the typical pornstar look is his thing: big boobs, big ass, small waist, make up, full lips, fake lashes, fake nails, plastic… you guys know what I’m talking about. Now throw in her fulfilling most of these cliches: big boobs, big ass, small waist, all dolled up, lashes, nails, high heels running in and out of his office, taking care of him always n a good mood, laughing…
She is a smart and confident girl. She knew exactly how she was triggering a 30y/o man. She knew he had her WhatsApp - he showed me her profile pictures changing on a weekly basis. Hell, even I think they are sexy. Not saying she deserved what he did, but I now understand that dynamic and what her appearance, having her around all day, did to him and how it must have triggered him. When I was her age, I knew exactly how to manipulate a man sexually.
I’m sure most women do, she definitely does. He decided not to cheat on me, not to start an affair. He just chose a wrong exit. He could and should have talked to me. That was the mistake he made cause together we would have found a way. I’m not prude, not religious and I don’t hate other women, but women shouldn’t act surprised they force a reaction in men looking like a pornstar. In my experience, men around the age of 30 are nothing deferent than a 15 year old boy in the middle of puberty. That combination was toxic.
TL;DR I gave him another chance, she’s not an angel
&#x200B;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | raredontstare | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z2uhqe/found_f29_hidden_folder_on_husbands_m33_phone/ | z2uhqe | 21,128 | 5,625 | [
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"2022-11-23T17:16:00" | Heading to Perth to get my son back | CONCLUDED | **I am not OOP**. Original was posted on r/AusLegal by u/OperationTaken. Dates are listed are Australian as it was posted in an Australian subreddit.
Content Warning: >!Child Kidnapping!<
Mood Spoiler: >!It all works out in the end!<
**Original** [**Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AusLegal/comments/yjdmkl/heading_to_perth_to_get_my_son_back/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)**: 3 November 2022**
My ex-wife and I are from the UK and have a 6 year son. We've been separated for nearly 3 years and split custody 50/50. My ex's boyfriend is a welder and recently moved to Perth on an employer-sponsored visa. She had the audacity to ask me if she could take my son and move to Perth with him.
I said she was more than welcome to go, and I'd take full custody of my son here. She didn't want to leave him so asked if she could take him on a 2 week holiday to visit the boyfriend instead. I said no, suspecting that she wouldn't come back.
Well, a couple of weeks ago she picked him up from school, got a taxi to the airport, and flew to Perth. She didn't tell anyone what she was planning, and his school phoned me the next day asking if he was ill. She messaged me when they landed to let me know what she'd done.
I've been in contact with the police both here and in Perth but haven't really got anywhere. She's claiming it's just a holiday but I've been to her flat and she's got rid of nearly everything. No idea if she booked return flights but I know she's gonna try and stay out there.
So I managed to get the boyfriend's new address and I've booked a flight to Perth leaving this week. I've booked a return flight for me and my son at the end of next week, and booked myself into a local hotel for the week.
My plan is to get my son, get his passport, and bring him back to the UK. She's committed a crime by removing him from the UK without my permission, so I'm not expecting a lot of pushback. Plus she's free to come back to England and resume our 50/50 custody arrangement.
I haven't discussed this plan with anyone (I think the element of surprise will be useful) but I feel like I'm on pretty solid ground legally. The main thing I'm worried about is getting his passport back, but even if I can't then at least I'll be with my son!
I've never been to Australia before so I'd love to know what legal issues I should to be aware of. I have my son's birth certificate, which I'll be bringing with me.
Thanks!
**Relevant and helpful comments**
[**Comment One**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AusLegal/comments/yjdmkl/heading_to_perth_to_get_my_son_back/iuo9zxk/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
There are arrangements between the UK and Aus (iirc) to assist in this kind of situation.
Talk to your lawyer, you might be able to sort this out without kidnapping a child and landing in trouble yourself. You’re probably quite desperate right now, but this is a terrible idea.
>I'm not kidnapping a child. I'm bringing a kidnapped child back home. I can't let this drag out for months/years without seeing my son.
[**Comment Two**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AusLegal/comments/yjdmkl/heading_to_perth_to_get_my_son_back/iuo6p66/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
Bad idea. Play the smart game in Court. Two wrongs don’t make a right.
>Is it two wrongs though? I see this as righting a wrong.
[**Comment Three**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AusLegal/comments/yjdmkl/heading_to_perth_to_get_my_son_back/iunsodg/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
Whilst she committed a crime in the UK, that doesnt make it directly okay for you to just come and forcefully take the child back.
Police will likely not want to touch the situation here or will side with the mother out of default.
This is a very complex legal issue as it stretches across two countries.
If she’s willing to just take your child half way across the world without telling you, what makes you think she will surrender them to you with no drama?
You’re much better off reporting this to the relevant authorities in the UK, letting it be known on the custody record (that she’s committed the crime of leaving the country) and fighting to have your son returned full time.
I understand you just want your child back but you’re about to make a very heated and bad mistake here.
>I get where you're coming from but I've never been away from my son for this long and she won't even let me facetime with him. She'd like nothing more than to drag this through the courts for months/years while she gets 'settled' and he forgets about me. I just need to nip this in the bud and bring him back from his 'holiday.'
>
>If she kicks off and somehow stops me from leaving with him, at least I'll be near him and can fight it from Australia. It's not like I'm abducting him - I'm just a dad bringing his son back to the only home he's ever known. She knows exactly where we'll be if she decides to ever come back.
[**Comment Four**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AusLegal/comments/yjdmkl/heading_to_perth_to_get_my_son_back/iuo5ift/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
Be very very careful. I would consult with a lawyer in the UK before you do anything.
Your actions now, although she’s done wrong can harm custody as well.
A lawyer will tell you the best way to go about this. Maybe once you touch down in aus you need to consult another lawyer. Then you can get the help of police.
Coming in guns blazing, no matter how much you want to isn’t the way.
**OOP’s update on original post**
EDIT: I'm gonna speak to a solicitor before I go. Thanks for the advice.
[**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AusLegal/comments/ywqlho/update_heading_to_perth_to_get_my_son_back/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)**: 17 November 2022 (two weeks later)**
A few people have messaged me asking for an update to my previous post, and I want to offer my thanks to the users of [r/AusLegal](https://www.reddit.com/r/AusLegal/) who talked me out of making a huge mistake when I was at the lowest point in my life.
As suggested I got in touch with a solicitor and we had a Zoom call where she explained the \*Hague Convention on child abduction\* and talked me through the court process. Thankfully my ex has no family in Australia so the solicitor was confident that a court would order them to return to England. She also laid out the legal consequences for my ex if we went down this route.
She asked me to think about how I wanted to proceed and we agreed to speak again the next day, but I phoned my ex that night and explained (as calmly as possible) what was going to happen if she didn’t bring him back.
She had a full-blown meltdown over the phone and after some back-and-forth she admitted that she’d split up with the boyfriend and was living with my son in a tiny studio apartment.
It’s still not clear to me whether the boyfriend had actually asked her to move to Perth with him, or whether she’d taken it upon herself to ask me in the hope that he would. When I said no they agreed to break up as he was planning on being out there for at least a few years.
Once he’d gone she missed him so much that she had a moment of madness (her words) and just stopped paying her rent, sold all her furniture, and used the money to buy one-way plane tickets for her and my son. I don’t think she even told the boyfriend what she was doing, and arrived to find him sharing a small house with some work colleagues and no room for her or my son.
They ended up having a huge fight and splitting up (again) but the boyfriend gave her some money to rent a tiny studio apartment for a month. She hadn’t let me speak to my son because he would have told me what was going on. Fortunately she let me speak to him for the first time in 3 weeks.
I can’t overemphasise how little she’d planned this - she was on a standard 3 month tourist visa despite her plan to stay there permanently. She hadn’t told any of her family, the school, her work, her landlord. Just booked a plane ticket and buggered off. She had about $100 left and basically no idea what to do.
In the end I transferred my return flight ticket into her name and she flew home with my son last week. I met them at the airport then dropped her off at her parents’ house, and I’ve had my son full time since then. I also have his passport now. He thinks he’s been on a slightly unusual holiday.
I’m not sure what’s going on with my ex - they’ve FaceTimed a couple of times but she hasn’t seen him in person. Her parents live about an hour away and she doesn’t drive, but she knows where we are if she wants to see him. In the coming weeks I’ll formalise our custody arrangements through the courts.
So thanks to everyone who told me what a huge mistake I was making and everyone who messaged me with practical advice - I can only imagine what might have happened if I’d gone to Perth in the state I was in.
**\*REMINDER: I am not OOP\*** | EliraeTheBow | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z2uquh/heading_to_perth_to_get_my_son_back/ | z2uquh | 9,108 | 5,560 | [
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"2022-11-23T17:45:46" | AITA for telling my stepdaughter to stop using period products in the bathroom she shares with my teenage sons? | REPOST | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/chancecreator in r/amitheasshole**
---
&nbsp;
[**AITA for telling my stepdaughter to stop using period products in the bathroom she shares with my teenage sons?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/h0a45w/aita_for_telling_my_stepdaughter_to_stop_using/) - 10 June 2020
I have been living with my new wife and stepdaughter for about 6 months now. She’s 19, almost 20, and I have three sons aged 18, 16 and 15. She’s a really good kid and she’s a good influence on my sons, I really enjoy having her around. My wife and her daughter moved into my house and sold theirs. My stepdaughters father isn’t present in her life, nor is my sons’ mother. All four children share a bathroom.
My sons have never lived for a long period of time with a woman, nor have any of them had long term girlfriends. They had short visitation periods when they were younger but never longer than an hour, so living with two women has been unusual for them.
My eldest son, 18, came to me last week and told me that his stepsister disposes of her used sanitary products in the trash can they share, but doesn’t use toilet roll or sandwich bags to disguise what they are, and it makes him uncomfortable which I think is reasonable. My sons are teenage boys and don’t want to see their stepsisters period products on full display.
A few nights ago I went into the kitchen to grab a snack and she was there doing some work for university. My wife had mentioned that she knew she was on her period so I took it as an opportunity to have a word with her. I told her my sons were uncomfortable and asked her if she’d mind putting her used products in diaper bags or flushing them down the toilet.
She laughed and told me it was rich coming from a man who “sheds like a gorilla” and has produced “three skid marking sons” which I thought was just an unnecessary attack. I’ve been nothing but nice to the girl and it’s hardly a comparison. My sons shouldn’t be subjected to her unhygienic products if it makes them uncomfortable. She went on to lecture me about how tampons can’t be flushed and that it’s bad for the environment if she uses diaper bags for every one which I think is just an excuse. I called her a scruff and told her that this was my house and that what I say goes.
I later asked my wife if she could have a word with her and she told me I was being ridiculous and that her daughter has had her period for ten years and knows what she’s doing. When I told her it was making my sons uncomfortable she said my sons needed to get a grip and turned over and went to sleep.
This is a genuine issue to me and she didn’t care enough to have a discussion about it. I asked my stepdaughter again in the morning and she did the same as her mother, completely dismissed it. Both of them have told me to stop being so silly but I don’t see how I’m being unreasonable when it makes my sons uncomfortable. AITA?
Verdict: YTA
**UPDATE:**
Not even two hours after I posted this, my wife and stepdaughter gathered my sons and I and gave us a full intensive “periods for pricks” course, Powerpoint and all. It was a hoot, they made an interactive quiz and everything. My sons and I learned a lot and apologised to my stepdaughter. Thank you for your input
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z2vi58/aita_for_telling_my_stepdaughter_to_stop_using/ | z2vi58 | 3,347 | 28,173 | [
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"2022-11-23T17:51:27" | I’m on my way to f my sister’s “one true love” | ONGOING | I'm not OOP, OOP is u/geoManas12 (first post, deleted) and u/BigODay (update)
Trigger words: Infidelity
# [First Post (15.11.2022, deleted)](https://www.unddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/yw8qlx/im_on_my_way_to_f_my_sisters_one_true_love/)
According to her he is her one true love. She couldn’t have him so she decided that she will only ever f around. One of them? my fiancé.
I know her one true love. I have met him a few times. Now I know why he never wanted her. She is a piece of shit. I contacted him and told him everything and asked him, no begged him, to help me hurt her back. He didn’t even hesitate. Only problem is that he lives 1200km away and can’t leave town. So now I’m on a train in my way. I will send her a picture of myself in his arms.
Just venting. I don’t want to hear that it takes two to tango or that two wrongs doesn’t make one right or that I’m as shitty as she is or that revenge won’t take away the hurt. I know all this. I don’t care
So keep your judgment for yourself thanks!
# From the comments:
>Redditor1: You must be the more attractive sister if there was no hesitation. Nice
>
>OOP: He said he couldn’t believe a sister would do this to a sister. Plus he could probably sense my desperation and men rarely say no to no strings attached
>
>Unfortunately my sister is the hot one in our family. She always been, so no. He is f ing me out of pity.
>
>Redditor2: There is a reason he is agreeing (very quickly, I may add) to sleeping with you and not your sister. Don't doubt your self. Plus, your sisters vile behavior and personality make her less attractive to anyone with a brain.
&#x200B;
>Redditor3: I am curious how you found out about your sister and fiancé getting together.
>
>OOP: My friend lives near my sister and she texted me to come by. I was confused so she texted that she thought I was in the neighborhood since she saw my fiancé car outside of my sister’s apartment. It was odd since he told me he was with his dad. So i went and caught them.
&#x200B;
>OOP: If my ex care or not care is so irrelevant. I honestly don’t care about his opinion. He disgusts me and there is no love left for him to care if he cares or not.
>
>As for my sister. She will care. Because I know her. I know her feelings about this guy and I know how this will hurt the shit out of her.
# [Update (15.11.2022): I have now f my sisters "one true love" and all hell broke loose](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/yxb3qx/i_have_now_f_my_sisters_one_true_love_and_all/)
And I did not know hell was this awesome!
I'm sorry I deleted my account but this is a new throwaway. I'm not a Redditor so I thought I could just reactivate my account if I wanted to make a new post. To those who remember me from yesterday, you know my story for those who don't I have saved a screenshot that you can read. What I want to say is that I won't be repeating my story.
I unblocked my ex-sister and ex-fiance and I started sharing insta stories about my journey up to my ex-sister's "one true love". When I met him I was so embarrassed. So so embarrassed. It just hit me how silly I was being. He was very sweet however and had planned a nice evening, he showed me around his city and we ended up eating at his favorite Thai restaurant. I love Thai and he said he knew that. Remember when I told you he did not even hesitate? Well he told me that this was not the first time this had happened. I remember my ex-sister when she was in her early 20's (btw I'm 32, ex-sister 27, ex-fiancé 32 and "one true love" 31), she suddenly cut all contact with her bestie since kindergarten. When we asked her about it, because they were inseparable, she said that they just grew apart and that bestie always been jealous of her. Turned out ex-sister had slept with bestie's boyfriend and bestie caught them. "One true love" was very close friends with bestie and he knew all this...... So this is her kink I guess?
Anyway we went back to the hotel room and we talked almost all night. I shared a picture in his arms with his tattoo showing and I didn't need to wait for long for a reaction. She has probably called me 100 times and texted me all kind of stuff from profanities to pleading to anger to pleading again to begging to apologizing. I read every single one of her texts. It was cathartic. Mom and dad are really pissed with me but that's nothing new. We did the nasty before he went home to change and go to work.
I'm staying here for the rest of the week. Back home on Sunday.
# From the comments:
>OOP: yes, I'm here until Sunday.
>
>Ex fiance is very pissed too and asked me to come home. But then today he texted me to F off and never contact him again (like I was gonna lol) and that my sister is way hotter and better than me anyway and that I will die bitter and lonely. I haven't answered yet. maybe wont either.
>
>I don't know how he knew that I love Thai. He, saw it on my instagram I guess. I make a lot of food posts lol.
>
>Redditor: I bet your ex sister typed that on ex fiancé’s phone…
&#x200B;
>Redditor: Have your fun girl!!! Was it good girl? Share the ☕️☕️☕️☕️
>
>OOP: For a first time, with someone I barely know YES! GOD YES!
>
>Redditor: Was it physically good or just the implication of it all? Or both
>
>OOP: physically. I honestly got my revenge with the pictures I took and wasn't sure we would do anything. But he stayed over and one thing led to another. I must admit that I find his willingness to be there for my pettiness HOT! We are meeting later after he gets off work but this time in his apartment not the hotel.
&#x200B;
>Redditor: why are your parents pissed at YOU because you slept with a man that doesn’t even talk to her or like her? SHE slept with YOUR fiance… should your parents not be pissed at HER for betraying her flesh and blood? that’s so weird. it’s giving golden child
>
>OOP: I don't know actually, mom is crazy tbh but still I wasn't expecting backlash from my parents after what she did. I will talk to them once I'm back.
&#x200B;
>OOP: tbh, I haven't talked to my parents yet so they could have gotten a very different version from ex-sister, or it's the same old favoritism because she is the younger.
>
>No she never dated OTL, but my parents know about him and my sisters crush on him or at least mom knows ad she tells dad everything.
>
>Redditor: Do they know sis slept with your fiancé?
>
>OOP: yes because I texted mom the next day after I caught them.
>
>Redditor: With this information, I wish they would be in your side.
*Again, not OOP. The consensus of all users is that we wish her all the best, are amazed at her A-level revenge game, and hope that she will end up in a relationship with OTL. I mean, he knew her favorite food, and was ready to help her out the moment she asked him - who else thinks he may have been low-grade crushing on her all these years? Marked as ongoing, because we're hoping for another update.*
\######### NEW UPDATE ######### Thanks for notifying me, u/GeekyFreak07! #########
# [New Update (24.11.2022)](https://www.reddit.com/user/BigODay/comments/z3uxjq/update/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Hi again!
I will take my chance and make an update here since I literally got 30+ requests to make a new update. Please tell me if it is not allowed. It is still off my chest though so it should be allowed. Before the update I want to thank you all for the support.
Unfortunately, I have spoken to my parents now and they don't believe me. My ex-sister and my ex-fiance totally denied the affair, and even when I caught them on my sisters couch. Half naked. With ex-fiance's face somewhere it should never have been. They say I was the cheater and fabricated this whole thing. My parents believed her. I told then about the ex-bestie and how it really went down between her and ex-sister but they didn't believe me either. Ex-sister had "evidence" that I was sleeping with her OTL (thank you for the one who coined this expression btw) thru my IG stories but I had no evidence to provide, about what I saw when at ex-sister's that day and my words seem, I don't know, not good enough.
Anyway mom said that she loved me anyway but that she will need time to forgive me because I hurt the two people I was supposed t love the most. Dad is of the same mind.
Ex-fiance has asked to meet and talk and to explain multiple times but I won't give him the time of day. Everything I've ever felt for him is gone. He irks me just the thought of him makes me want to vomit.
So that's the update. I'm a bit saddened by my parent's reaction but I can't say that I'm surprised.
thank you again for the support.
&#x200B;
**From the comments:**
>\-sukari-: You could go talk with your ex-fiance, secretly record him talking and “explaining” and then you would have evidence to show your parents. It won’t undo the hurt and that they don’t believe you, but maybe it would be another “fuck you” towards your ex-sister
>
>OOP: oh I love this idea
&#x200B;
>lulu21142114: Also, how did things go with the rest of your time with OTL? Are you guys still in touch?
>
>OOP: oh i forgot to ad that. yes we are still in touch. mostly texts. he is coming here on Christmas
&#x200B; | Corfiz74 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z2vnfy/im_on_my_way_to_f_my_sisters_one_true_love/ | z2vnfy | 9,551 | 7,574 | [
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"2022-11-23T18:18:59" | I want my new job but how can I survive? | ONGOING | [removed] | Middlechildproblems7 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z2wcvq/i_want_my_new_job_but_how_can_i_survive/ | z2wcvq | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-23T19:19:24" | My (20s) parents (50s) are constantly feeding my overweight dog and ignore and downplay my concerns. I'm at the end of my rope. | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwra-stuffeddog in r/relationship_advice**
trigger warning: >!animal cruelty!<
---
&nbsp;
[**My (20s) parents (50s) are constantly feeding my overweight dog and ignore and downplay my concerns. I'm at the end of my rope.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/o0ja6c/my_20s_parents_50s_are_constantly_feeding_my/) - 15 June 2021
My dog is supposed to be 18-22kg. She has never reached that because my parents constantly give her food. At her lowest she was 25 kilos but the feeding has stepped up dramatically since then.
I have told them not to do it until I'm blue in the face. They make excuses and keep doing it. I have linked them resources telling them how much a dog of her breed should weigh - they say "she's a big dog, she should weigh more than that."
Next week is a vet visit. I know I will be blamed for her weight even though I only feed her her designated meals, because she's my dog and I'm responsible for exercising her. I'm terrified to exercise her more because I'm afraid that will encourage them to feed her more and then I'd be wasting hours each day. I agreed on a low calorie, healthy treat (blueberries) they could give her as much as they like, but they're still constantly giving her other treats, offcuts, and leftovers from lunch.
My parents have a terrible history of this - they refuse all my attempts at compromise and then, when I put my foot down, tell me I'm a terrible person who never listens to them. It's because it's the ONLY way they're forced to listen to me.
I am going to take my vet aside privately before the appointment and tell him to go hard on the weight loss angle. I'm also going to hide and dispose of all dog treats, but that won't stop them feeding her from the fridge. I'm going to keep her shut away during meals so that they are discouraged from leaving portions for her, but again, that won't stop them from feeding her straight from the fridge.
I'm losing my mind. I'm so frustrated that I'm close to tears and I recently gave up for a while because I was so frustrated that I was seriously worried I was going to start screaming if I addressed it for the ten millionth time, and it's only because I'm hopeful that the vet can help me push for it that I want to try again. They never listen to me. What can I do?
(Moving out is currently not an option due to financial reasons, but I hope to be able to afford it by late next year.)
&nbsp;
[**[UPDATE] My (20s) parents (50s) are constantly feeding my overweight dog and ignore and downplay my concerns. (LONG)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/obe4f1/update_my_20s_parents_50s_are_constantly_feeding/) - 1 July 2021
I posted asking for advice because my parents were overfeeding my dog and completely ignoring my concerns. The update is mostly good, but also sad because of mentions of animal abuse and my own history as to why moving out was not an option for me.
My dog went to the vet today. The first thing I did was ask the vet through the nurse (social distancing due to COVID meant I couldn't speak to the vet face to face) to write up a fact sheet/letter/report on how much she should weigh, risks, etc, for me to show my parents. The vet is currently writing it up.
Due to my dog's other issues (more on that later), I had to go home while they sedated her for a blood draw and when I was at home my parents were in the room when I asked the vet how much she weighed.
So they were also present, and snapped up quickly, when I went "Bloody hell!"
I knew she was overweight, but she was way worse than I thought. Up to the moment I took her they were saying she was fine - when I told them the actual number (almost as high as when we got her) their jaws dropped.
My Dad, the worst culprit, quietly went "oh."
I came to write this after my mother snapped into action making a diet plan. The treats have been thrown out. Giving doggo table scraps is completely banned - my vet is going to recommend a special low calorie brand of treats especially for dogs losing weight, and she will get one a day at most.
My parents are now 100% on board with the necessity of her weight loss. In fact, they're so gung ho I keep having to remind them that the vet stressed that it needs to take 9-12 months, and that losing the weight too fast could cause serious damage. She needs to lose at least 20% of her body weight. They're now seriously freaked out that they ever could have believed she was a normal weight, and are relieved and optimistic that she's going to get the treatment she needs.
On to other stuff -
This bit is tetchy and will piss people off, but too bad - I explicitly asked for advice other than "move out". If moving out was an option, I wouldn't need to effing ask the internet for advice!
But since so many people ignored that request and were outright hostile, fine - I was seriously ill throughout most of my 20s, and was in bed 23 hours a day when I was at my worst. I am actually 29; I didn't share my exact age because I knew people would be judgemental that I'm this close to 30 and still live with my parents. I didn't share my history because I didn't want people to focus on that to the detriment of my dog.
I wanted advice on how to help my dog, not get on my feet. I already know what I'm doing in those regards - I am almost done with my degree and have recovered enough that I'll be working full-time in the new year. I will be doing an unpaid internship with my father over the summer to add to my atrocious resume, which has almost nothing on it after my illness. *This takes time. I cannot just up and leave and it would be irresponsible to myself and to my dog to do so, and I don't even know yet that my health issues won't relapse*.
I am finding out more in an appointment in two months. I know that if I added my entire backstory to the post some jackasses would STILL hurl abuse and insist I was making excuses and tell me to just get a job. As if I'm that stupid it never occurred to me! I could only afford it with a roommate - and I'd be putting a potential roommate in danger, as I'm about to discuss.
Here is the sad part - rehoming my dog was also not an option, and here's why.
My dog spent the first three and a half years of her life tied up on the porch of an old man with dementia. She was regularly beaten with his cane. She spent part of that time locked in a cage; the grandson who passed the dog on to us did not say how many weeks or months she was in the cage 24/7, but he found mountains of poop in the cage with her. He said he got rid of the cage as soon as he found out about it. I hope he did.
And that was just the abuse he was willing to admit happened. We suspect it was worse. To this day we don't know why the fuck he didn't take the dog away from his grandfather sooner, and once ownership was transferred he ghosted completely.
But she's an incredibly traumatised dog, and when her owner was put in a home she was going to be put to sleep. She was incredibly aggressive when we got her, but had enough presence of mind she never drew blood. She's finally at the point where she actively seeks out affection from my family, but it took a long, LONG time.
My parents have adopted rescues before and in the beginning, her aggression was so bad that we were all seriously considering letting her be euthanised. The only reason we didn't was because she never drew blood when she bit, and the trainer we worked with said that was promising, and she started showing signs of improvement very quickly. She has gone from biting (without drawing blood) several times a day to snapping without contact about once a month.
I don't know how to explain how she both showed improvement right away, yet has taken so long to get to where she is, but anyone who's had a reactive rescue probably understands. The improvement never stopped, but she was such a mess that it was like climbing Mt Everest by starting in the Mariana Trench.
She was supposed to be my parents' dog - but she's mine because she decided she should be. She chose me very early on because I adapted to her the fastest and she felt safest with me. Everyone kept trying to pat her and that freaked her out, but I was the only person who ignored her, so she started following me around. She only started cutting the apron strings a few months ago.
Rehoming her is not an option because she is so traumatised that I will not make it worse through rehoming her, even if I found someone who can handle her (which would be a miracle in itself, considering we were the only ones willing to take her when she was basically on death row). I would sooner put her to sleep than put her through that. I am not going to put my dog to sleep because she's fat.
The saddest part of the update - because of her trauma, we were all worried as to how the vet visit would go. It went worse than we feared. The vet gave her a double dose of sedative (the most he could give her without overdosing) and she was still fighting them, and he could not do the examination we all wanted without risk of endangering her and his staff. He refused to manhandle her in any way because he knew it'd worsen the trauma, but we're all pretty sure she's very traumatised regardless and will relapse for a while. He did his best and I'm thankful none of the staff, or my dog, were hurt. It might have gone better if I was there, but with our city locked down it wasn't an option. I wish I'd put it off instead of letting it go ahead without me there, but I didn't think it'd be that bad. I'll never let that happen again.
She has had a hard life and though the worst may be over - though she cuddles and fusses over us with rare outbursts now - her life will always be hard. The medication that helps her aggression will eventually damage her kidneys and liver, and even with deconditioning the vet said she might always need it. She will never be okay with strangers, she will never be friendly to them, and she'll always have at least a couple of outbursts a year.
I will never, ever let her near children, and I'm glad I'm aromantic asexual because I couldn't have a partner while I have her. When she's old enough that the long term issues from her weight, if it were to stay the same, started surfacing - she'd probably have to be put to sleep once she started going downhill, because any condition that would require more than one or two vet visits at a time would be incredibly traumatic.
Sometimes I wonder if it would have been kinder to have let her be put to sleep instead of taking her. But her eyes are so bright nowadays, and she's happy, though not yet healthy, and I'll give her the best life I can with the time we have together, and with my immediate family she's become so affectionate. With my parents now on my side to help her lose the weight, I'll have more of it with her, and she'll only get happier.
The biggest reason why my parents kept feeding her, I think, was because they were so excited that after over a year of distance, she was finally approaching them and asking for affection. The more they fed her, the friendlier she got. She hasn't been aggressive with them since the first few months where she'd bite without drawing blood, although she snaps without making contact about once a month, but for a long time she just ignored them completely. It had been so long since they had a dog that wanted their love as much as they wanted to give it that even though I was disappointed they kept feeding her, I understand why they did it.
To everyone who gave me the advice I asked for, who trusted that I had my reasons for not just leaving and respected that I didn't want to focus on that - thank you, deeply and sincerely. You helped an owner who missed out on her twenties, and a very damaged dog who's enjoying her happy ending, and will soon have the physical health to make the most of it.
DM for dog tax, this story is identifying enough already.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z2xw2i/my_20s_parents_50s_are_constantly_feeding_my/ | z2xw2i | 12,088 | 3,849 | [
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"2022-11-23T21:39:34" | AITA for not letting my child speak her "native" language at home? | REPOST | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/snoomacaroons7686 in r/amitheasshole**
---
&nbsp;
[**AITA for not letting my child speak her "native" language at home**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ihnydy/aita_for_not_letting_my_child_speak_her_native/) - 27 August 2020
Title isn't as bad as it sounds.
My (35m) wife (32f) is Welsh and I am English, but if you get right down to it we're both British anyway. She's always been kinda funny about identifying as Welsh and not British no matter how many times I tell her they're not mutually exclusive lol.
I'm really tired of having to put up with her extreme nationalism. First of all she insisted that our daughter have a Welsh name, so now my family can't even pronounce it or spell it. I have to put up with jokes about my daughter's name all the time and her name getting spelled wrong all the time.
The only primary school in the area is a Welsh school, so my daughter has started learning all her school work through Welsh. This is fine I guess; it's pointless, but other than not being able to help her with her homework (which her mum does anyway) it's not an issue.
The issue is that my daughter has started speaking Welsh with her mother's family, her mother and her friends outside of school. I asked her to stop, but my wife said I was being really rude to ask her to stop speaking in her "native" language, but she can speak English too?? It's not her native language when her father doesn't speak it.
My wife said I'm an asshole because I agreed to raise our child bilingually, but I was under the impression that our daughter would still chose to speak English because it's all around us. She speaks English and Welsh at home, sometimes mixing them both. It's confusing and can't be good for her education to be learning it in a pointless language. What happens when she goes to university in English?
My wife says I should get lessons for Welsh and she would be happy to pay and help, but I really don't see the point in learning a dead language when we can all just speak English?
AITA for wanting my child to speak English??
Verdict: YTA
EDIT: Okay, but now my wife is making my sleep on the couch while she "thinks about our relationship". Am I still the asshole when she's willing to disrupt our child's life BECAUSE I WANT MY CHILD TO SPEAK A LANGUAGE EVERYONE SPEAKS
EDIT: I'm okay with her learning Welsh, just not speaking it at home all the time. It's stupid having a three way conversation when people aren't speaking the same language, but my daughter insists on using welsh.
EDIT: I'm not gonna answer questions that ask me why I married my wife. I married her because I love her. End of.
Edit: Going to bed. Some comments have given me some insight and I cant ignore all the YTA posts. I thought maybe it was just the Welsh being at it again, but well there's more of you calling me an asshole than there are welsh speakers 😂
I'll have a think and a chat with my wife tomorrow.
Edit: I'm having a lot of trouble sleeping ill be honest. Might have something to do with me being 100% an asshole to my wife and daughter. A lot of mixed feelings. How do I explain that I still *feel* like I'm right but I know now that I'm wrong? We live in the countryside and it's been hard with lockdown. I couldn't work, and I was surrounded by all the Welsh in my home without any English outlet of my own.
I was wrong and very bitter, and used those bitter feelings against my own family.
I'm going to tell my wife that I'll get welsh lessons and I plan on couples counselling for us so that I can properly work through my shit. I'd like to say thank you to everyone who helped me grow up and see that my daughter was more important than my childish, selfish reasons. I was so fucked up; unwilling to learn because I was already behind. And I'd like to thank those who shared their stories of learning Welsh.
My daughters name is Megan for the people asking.
EdIT: my wife insists that we pronounce Megan the Welsh way! It sounds beautiful but she gets annoyed that my family pronounce jt like southerners
Edit: diolch un fawr I pawb a nos da
Edit: if you've seen [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ihzmof/aita_for_speaking_with_my_daughter_in_a_language/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) it's fake. Just someone looking for karma
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE AITA for not letting my child speak her "native" language at home**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/irwg3q/update_aita_for_not_letting_my_child_speak_her/) - 13 September 2020
So I posted about 2 weeks ago looking for your judgment. It took a while, but I agree with it. Some develops have happened since then so I thought I would update:-
1) I admitted to my wife I was being an asshole and was ready to learn welsh. I've been using duolingo and sitting down with my daughter and wife while we do my daughter's homework. My wife still laughs whenever I say Llanelli, but here we are.
2) I showed my wife the AITA post. She said I was a complete dipshit, but she cried and admitted she has been excluding me on purpose in the hopes that I would learn Welsh if she did it enough. I explained how it made me more resentful and I had almost left her because of it. We're going to go to couple's therapy.
3) She told me that I need to tell yanks who pretended they could say "Llanfair PG" to "cachau bant" and "cau dy ceg". They were some of the first words I learned in Welsh so they can be yours too :)
4) I sent my dad a message telling him to ask my mother if she can start pronouncing Megan the way my wife wants it. Megan likes it the Welsh way too and faux-vomited when I asked her if she liked the way Nana said it. My mother hasn't said anything, but my wife and I taught Megan to tell her "Nana, I like my name said like this" when my mum says it wrong. We'll have to see where this goes, since my mum has said in the past that she won't pronounce it like a "sheep-sh*gging pleb". I will be putting my foot down if she starts.
5) There was someone who pretended to be my wife on another post. I reported it and it got taken down. I did not make my wife sleep on the couch that night lol. Just some sad person creating made-up drama.
6) My daughter and I managed to get a 5-star island on Animal Crossing. Not relevant, but we managed it this week! Have a nice day and cheers for your help.
EDIT: For everyone who keeps asking about pronouncing Megan in a Southern Welsh dialect [this guy explains](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/irwg3q/update_aita_for_not_letting_my_child_speak_her/g543lr3/) the difference. If you want to hear how it's said then I suggest the first lesson in Duolingo!
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z31dyh/aita_for_not_letting_my_child_speak_her_native/ | z31dyh | 6,789 | 7,779 | [
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"2022-11-23T23:19:00" | AITA for refusing to attend my sisters wedding because of her fiancé? | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z33skz/aita_for_refusing_to_attend_my_sisters_wedding/ | z33skz | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-23T23:22:44" | AITA for refusing to attend my sisters wedding because of her fiancé? | CONCLUDED | [removed] | Kevinrealk | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z33vou/aita_for_refusing_to_attend_my_sisters_wedding/ | z33vou | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-24T03:38:46" | AITA for calling my wife unreasonable for backing out of spending Christmas with my family after my mother rejected her cookie sample"? | ONGOING | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z39a3q/aita_for_calling_my_wife_unreasonable_for_backing/ | z39a3q | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-24T04:45:51" | Capitalism died with the phrase "too big to fail". The entire planet is an oligarchy with an enslaved workforce gaslit with shiny plastic things. | INCONCLUSIVE | maddawwg2020 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z3ak5n/capitalism_died_with_the_phrase_too_big_to_fail/ | z3ak5n | 0 | 0 | [
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"2022-11-24T05:09:26" | (18F) Dad just told me to never ask him for anything | CONCLUDED | [removed] | Odd_Chemistry_8860 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z3azwu/18f_dad_just_told_me_to_never_ask_him_for_anything/ | z3azwu | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-24T05:23:11" | AITA for canceling the plans for thanksgiving after my parents called my brother’s baby their “first grandchild”? | ONGOING | I was so glad to see an update to this one. **I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/throwawayz\_12345](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwawayz_12345/). Please note that OOP is female if you use gendered language in your comments. She posted in r/AITA and then posted the update on her profile. I don't believe there are any trigger warnings, but let me know if you think I should add any.
Mood Spoiler: >!great moms, grandparents stay rude!<
**Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ysezdy/aita_for_canceling_the_plans_for_thanksgiving/)**: November 11, 2022**
I (32f) have been with my wife Ava (34f) for 8 years now, but we’ve been married for 5. She was a single mom of three kids when we started dating, she had two daughters (now 10 & 12) and a son (now 16). I’ve watched these kids grow up, I’ve read the bedtime stories, done bath time, the first days of school, pta meetings, all of it. I very much consider them to be my kids, and they’ve been calling me mom for almost 6 years now.
My brother Ivan (28m) just had a baby girl with his fiancé Sara (27f). I love my niece, and my kids adore their cousin. My kids have been the only grandchildren on my side of the family since Ava and I got together, and there’s never been a moment where the kids and my wife were treated like they didn’t belong. My brother is their uncle, my mom and dad are their nana and pop— the kids see my family as their family and I always thought that my family felt the same way about them.
The kids and I were over at my brother's house just hanging out, and my parents ended up dropping by with gifts for my niece. Ivan laughed when he saw the toys and told our mom and dad that they were going to end up spoiling her rotten. My mom said since my niece is their first grandchild of course they have to spoil her.
My kids were sitting in the living room with all of us and my youngest daughter looked hurt when she realized what my mother said. My son and my 12yo didn’t fully react to it, but I could tell it bothered the both of them too.
Sara spoke up and said “oh you mean first grandbaby, not first grandchild.”
My dad shook his head and replied that my niece was their first grandchild. I didn’t want my kids to keep sitting there and listening to that so I handed my son my keys and told him to wait in the car with his sisters. When they were gone, I asked my parents why the hell they’d say that my kids weren’t their grandchildren, and my mom said they couldn’t be their grandchildren because they weren’t really my children.
My wife and I were going to be hosting thanksgiving at our house this year, but I told my parents that if they didn’t view my kids as their family, then they could just host a meal at their own house with their “real” family while I spent the holiday with mine.
I left before they could say anything else to me, and my wife and I have reiterated to the children that they will always be my kids and I will always be their other mom, regardless of our DNA.
My brother is pissed at me now because he thinks I reacted too harshly, and that I should try to see where my parents are coming from. My mom texted saying that she and my dad love the kids, but they still aren’t their grandchildren, and she hopes that we can come to understand that because she doesn’t want this to ruin my niece’s first thanksgiving.
I haven’t replied back. I meant what I said, but I’m worried that maybe I’m reacting too harshly.
ETA INFO:
I adopted all three of the kids about 4 years ago, so they aren't just my parents "step grandchildren". Even if I hadn't legally adopted them, they'd still be my kids in my eyes.
Edit no.2:
* My wife's parents don't have a relationship with the kids. When my wife came out, they pretty much stopped speaking with her entirely.
* Their bio dad is not involved and neither is his family. He lost his rights to the children before Ava and I started dating. The 10yo has never met him, the 12yo doesn't remember him, and the 16yo wants nothing to do with him.
* My parents wanted the kids to call them Nana and Pop. I didn't make the kids start calling them that.
***Relevant Comments:***
"The worst part of it for me is that they said it in front of them. I'd still be upset knowing they thought it, but the look on my youngest daughter's face when she heard my mother say that just broke my heart. I tend to go mama bear whenever I even think someone has stepped out of line with the kids, so I was worried that maybe I was doing too much in my reaction. My brother still feels like I should talk it out with them, but I don't know that I could forgive it honestly."
&#x200B;
"I've been out as a lesbian since I was a teenager, but I always sort of had this idea that I'd never find love and settle down. Then I met Ava and those kids and my whole point of view changed, six months into dating Ava, I realized I was keeping snacks in my bag for the kids lol. I guess maybe my parents could've just gotten used to the idea of me never getting married or having a family, but they never made it seem like they weren't happy for me when I told them about Ava and our kids."
&#x200B;
"They said they wanted the kids to call them Nana and Pop, but I haven't spoken to them since this whole thing happened so I don't know if they still want the kids to call them that. The kids aren't exactly jumping at the bit to see them now though so I doubt they'd call them those names any time soon."
&#x200B;
*November 12, 2022 Comment*
"You can put as much emphasis on DNA as you want to, but at the end of the day, those are my children. It doesn't matter that I didn't grow them myself, that they never came out of me, that they don't share my genetics. They call me their mom, and that's what I am to them.
If I ever had gotten pregnant and made a baby myself, I know I'd love that kid the same way I do my other three. Being a mom is more than making a child, it's being there for all the moments after. I'm fortunate enough to have been allowed those moments, and to have been given the title of mother.
Yes biology is a thing, and yes I know DNA means a lot to some people, but it doesn't matter to me. It wasn't some happenstance of nature that allowed me to be their other mom. I am their other mom because I chose to be, and because they (and my wife of course) chose to let me.
It's not a substitution, because I don't believe that there is one default or "correct" way of creating a family. Even gay penguins are out there adopting each other's eggs. If mother nature has the penguins doing it, I'd argue that my family structure fits the bill of "naturally occurring" just fine."
***OOP was voted NTA***
&#x200B;
**Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwawayz_12345/comments/yy9a7e/update_on_canceling_the_plans_for_thanksgiving/)**: November 17, 2022**
Hi, I thought I’d just leave you all with an update here since it doesn’t look as though things are going to change any time soon.
My wife and I talked with all three of the kids separately and asked them what they wanted to do for thanksgiving, if they wanted my parents there, if they still wanted to see them. My son and oldest daughter have made it very clear that they are mostly upset at my parents for hurting their younger sister's feelings, and they felt that if my parents apologized to her and tried to make it up to her, then they’d be okay with seeing them still.
My 10yo took it the hardest out of the three. For her, they’re the only grandparents she’s ever known, and this whole thing really crushed her. My wife and I explained to her (and to all of the kids) that none of this was her fault, that she didn’t cause it, and that we’re both equally her moms and she is equally our kid no matter what DNA says.
She told us that she didn’t want to talk to my parents, but that she wanted me to make sure they knew that she wasn’t mad at them, she was just hurt.
I called my dad and told him how hurt my kids were by what was said by him and my mom, and that I would appreciate it if they apologized to the kids for being inconsiderate of their presence and their feelings. My dad said that he and my mother never intended to hurt the kids feelings, but they can’t change the fact that those aren’t their grandchildren and that the kids shouldn’t be so upset at the truth.
I hung up on him. I know I can’t make them view my kids as their grandchildren, but the fact that both of my parents are being so inconsiderate of the fact that they seriously upset my children just makes this whole thing even worse.
I texted my brother and told him that I was sorry if he felt like he was being put in the middle of something, but as a parent my priority is my kids and I won’t apologize for protecting them from what I think will hurt them further. I guess Sara talked to him or something because he apologized to me and said he’d like for his daughter to have thanksgiving with her aunts and her cousins.
I did also thank Sara separately for offering my parents and out, and trying to salvage the situation. She’s a total sweetheart and I love her.
Thanksgiving is going to be hosted at my house just without my parents there. It’s unfortunate, but like I said, my kids are my priority and I refuse to have them sit at a table with people who can’t even take a minute to show them some empathy or basic kindness.
I didn't expect that post to take off the way it did, so I wasn't able to respond to all of you because there were just so many, but I really appreciated all of your feedback and suggestions.
**Edit: I saw this made it to** r/all. **A reminder that I am not OOP. Please read the BORU post rules and description if you need more information.** | LucyAriaRose | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z3b9jm/aita_for_canceling_the_plans_for_thanksgiving/ | z3b9jm | 9,741 | 23,234 | [
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"2022-11-24T09:50:33" | Buying a $2000 Bosch microwave was a huge mistake | CONCLUDED | [removed] | seanfish | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z3fx6j/buying_a_2000_bosch_microwave_was_a_huge_mistake/ | z3fx6j | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-24T12:52:15" | A Squirrelly Situation | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/tvoutfitz in r/HomeImprovement**
---
&nbsp;
[**Squirrel is now desperately trapped in our ceiling**](https://www.reddit.com/r/HomeImprovement/comments/yveyxe/squirrel_is_now_desperately_trapped_in_our_ceiling/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) - 11/14/2022
Squirrel is now desperately trapped in our ceiling...
Over the last week, my wife and I have heard a ton of scratching and rattling coming from the ceiling above our bed. We had an exterminator come by, who said that it was likely squirrels not mice, and pointed out a lift in our roof where the shingles meet the gutter, basically exactly where the noises were coming from. He recommended getting the hole fixed.
Flash forward to this morning and I have a roofing company come by who say they deal with this sort of thing all the time. They get up there, open up the hole a bit to make the repair and two squirrels immediately run out from the rafters. They claim to have dropped some spray or a chemical bomb of some kind to scare out any stragglers, then they went about their business fixing the hole along with some other vulnerabilities on the roof while they were up there.
My wife gets home just now and is sitting up in our bed, and, of course, she hears the same pitter-patter as before, only seemingly more hastened and panicked. Looks like one of these guys got caught behind enemy lines.
I called the roofers back and got a voicemail. The thing is, the hole is three stories up and totally inaccessible without a roofing ladder, and now I'm just trying to figure out if it's better to try to convince these guys to come back and undo their work to let the poor thing out, or if I should try to figure out another way to liberate it like cutting through the ceiling in our bedroom or floor on the top floor in some way.
I feel like a jerk cause everything I've read about this sort of situation here and elsewhere warns about making sure you don't trap any stragglers and I emphasized this a bunch to the roofers who are ultimately not exterminators.
Not expecting any miracle solution here but any advice or thoughts would be appreciated.
Update: Roofer called me back. He is coming back tomorrow to see what he can do. At least he feels some responsibility here so there's that.
Update 2: Found a very reputable humane animal control company nearby (I live in a big US city and these guys seem to be people for this) and they are scheduled for tomorrow. If/when the roofer comes back today I'm going to see about boring a small hole where the previous access point was to give the squirrel a chance to get free and you know like not die in my ceiling. Then when the animal control company comes we can go about setting a proper trap/one way door etc. It'll be an expensive set of mistakes on my part... but hey at least the economy isn't tanking with record inflation or anything like that.
&nbsp;
[**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/HomeImprovement/comments/yxbv9w/update_squirrel_is_now_desperately_trapped_in_our/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) - 11/17/2022
Squirrel is now desperately trapped in our ceiling...the shocking conclusion
Hey All -- Wanted to give an update to this post from a few days ago. Really appreciate everyone's suggestions and thoughtful replies.
The TLDR of that first post is basically that we had some squirrels hanging in the space between our bedroom ceiling and attic floor, and had their access hole repaired by some roofers. But despite our best efforts, there was a straggler who got trapped on the other side of the new seal.
Per everyone's suggestion, I scheduled a visit from a wildlife specialist company (shoutout to ABC Humane Wildlife in the Chicagoland area) for today. In the interim, the squirrel, seeking a new means of egress, wound up falling from that floor in between some studs and ended up trapped in an interior wall on my lower level. My large but ultimately useless cat stood sentry as the squirrel's noises became increasingly desperate and unsettling. I swear, if I didn't know it was a squirrel I would think it was a boar or wounded hyena of some sort trapped in there.
What was especially troubling is at this point the squirrel had been stuck inside for over two days, and presumably would die at some point. Fortunately, the wildlife specialist made it in time and two modest holes in the drywall later, he was able to reach in and remove the squirrel. In a final plot twist, the squirrel broke free of his grip, dashed into my kitchen, where the pro had to recapture him using a large net like a dog catcher in an old-timey cartoon.
This squirrel was an absolute unit. Like a small raccoon sized squirrel. I was given the choice to let it free on my property or to have it euthanized, but by this point, despite the sleep loss and annoyance and holes in the walls and who knows what else in the joists and studs, I had to respect this king's tenacity. I gave the squirrel a thumbs-up in the fashion of a roman emperor overlooking a gladiatorial melee, letting him run free into my yard with his squirrel friends. Will he back and attempt to re-enter my ceiling? It's possible. But if so, I hope he does so as a friend.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | Optimal-Patience-Cat | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z3j6bm/a_squirrelly_situation/ | z3j6bm | 5,386 | 4,114 | [
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"2022-11-24T14:53:41" | Mother has son arrested due to ex-MIL upbriniging | ONGOING | [removed] | throwawaytoreply1 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z3lxv2/mother_has_son_arrested_due_to_exmil_upbriniging/ | z3lxv2 | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-24T15:09:48" | Update to "My cat and I are both 22 | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z3mc7r/update_to_my_cat_and_i_are_both_22/ | z3mc7r | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-24T16:10:19" | TIFU OOP expected family to pay for their birthday dinner | NEW UPDATE | [removed] | Standard-River-5629 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z3nttd/tifu_oop_expected_family_to_pay_for_their/ | z3nttd | 9 | 0 | [
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"2022-11-24T17:39:47" | My sister is turning into the biggest bridezilla. And I can’t stop laughing. | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z3pz25/my_sister_is_turning_into_the_biggest_bridezilla/ | z3pz25 | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-24T18:11:22" | My sister is turning into the biggest bridezilla. And I can’t stop laughing. | NEW UPDATE | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z3qps8/my_sister_is_turning_into_the_biggest_bridezilla/ | z3qps8 | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-24T18:19:09" | New Update! OOP expects family to pay for family dinner | ONGOING | \*\*I am NOT OP. Original post by [u/Commercial\_Low1383](https://www.reddit.com/u/Commercial_Low1383/)/ in [r/TIFU](https://www.reddit.com/r/TIFU/)\*\*
trigger warnings: >!ableism, abusive family!<
mood spoilers: >!sad!<
Hi, this is my first post to this community, I decided to post the whole "guacamole" so it's a bit long. I apologize ahead for that.
\---
[TIFU by expecting my family to pay for my birthday party](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/ykkemb/tifu_by_expecting_my_family_to_pay_for_my/) 2022 Nov. 2nd
Yesterday I turned eighteen years old. For the past six years like clockwork everyday on my birthday we'd go to the same place for dinner and I'd always get the same thing. For those who are a bit confused, I have extreme OCD and high functioning autism. Which means I'm very well regulated and like things to stay the same way that they always have been. Back to the story.
Every year on my birthday we go to Applebee's. The first thing I would get is the steak and shrimp parmesan with a side of loaded mashed potatoes, and cheesy steamed broccoli. Hate me or not, with a side of mozzarella sticks. In total its around 30$ A bit expensive I know.
I couldn't really tell something was off until a bit later because when me, my mother, my stepfather, and my older brother sat down. They didn't really say anything. I was confused at first and started tapping my fingers on one another like I always do. The conversation went a little bit like this. (Not an exact replica)
Mother: "Well..." I was rather confused. "Well?" Mother: "Aren't you gonna call the waiter over?" This gave me extreme anxiety. I have extreme issues with speaking with people and I tend to stutter and get very very scared if that's the right word.
I asked her if she could do it and she does it in a huff. My dad and brother staring nonchalantly. As she calls the waiter over the alarm bells are ringing in my head this is never how it went before.
As the waiter gets to the table he asks everyone what they want and everyones orders. As he gets to me, my mother stops him and tells him "Separate Bill" This is when my heart began beating very fast. I dont know a job, all the money I get is from our neighbors raking leaves.
I just kinda freeze. I don't really say anything and I get a really bad stomach ache from the anxiety. This is where I am conflicted on whether im the asshole or not. My mother would explain at the table that now that I am 18 I should be able to pay for my own things. I was already feelings nauseous from the situation so I just said I dont have the money. My mom kinda huffs and shoos the waiter away.
This soured the dinner party. However my mom also paid for my 23 YO brother. My family were calling me an entitled little A-hole the whole ride home. When I got home I just ran to my room and cried. They've been ignoring me the whole day.
I may be bad at social queues, but my family has never acted like this before, I mean never. They've been treating my horrible the whole day. I feel very angry and upset, at my family. If I would've been warned I would've saved my raking money.
I also don’t mean this to be a validation post I have all the information you have. I’m just very confused and im terrible with social queues. Aspergers am I right?
My family gets a little tight on money, I guess I really should've asked before I assumed they were gonna pay it for me. But I missed out on my birthday dinner because I wasn’t mature enough to bring my own money. I’m just gonna rake leaves for a couple weeks to order it from take out.
Edit 1: before you start like attacking my family this could totally just be me missing some social queue or something. I’m very terrible at picking up hints.
Edit 2: I understand what my parents was horrible. But I can’t claim I didn’t do anything wrong when there was nothing wrong beforehand. I’ve cried about it and tried speaking with them but they don’t want to talk to me. I don’t know what I did. For everyone concerned about me, I am fine thank. Thank everyone for the birthday wishes.
Edit 3: also everyone, I’m high functioning autistic, it’s a bit difficult to pick up on social cues and besides the anxiety I’m fine. I’m gonna have a sit down with my parents tomorrow and talk things over. This post kinda painted them as monsters, but, I was a very tough kid. Everyone’s saying to leave and call the state etc, A psychologist deemed me perfectly capable of being independent if I could work on my anxiety. My parents have been loving, but I could be a troublemaker sometimes.
Last post edit: I also don’t want to do a 12 update thing. So when I figure out what’s going on and if I get answers I’ll post it on a mini post on my own account. No need to flood [r/tifu](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/)
TLDR: Family brings me to traditional birthday dinner, expects me to pay for my own food not knowing I dont have any money.
[1st Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/ym3ndw/tifu_by_expecting_my_family_to_pay_for_my/) 2022 Nov. 4th
Link to first post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/ykkemb/tifu\_by\_expecting\_my\_family\_to\_pay\_for\_my/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/ykkemb/tifu_by_expecting_my_family_to_pay_for_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Hey everyone. you guys can call me Tony like everyone else :)Thanks for all the support and just wanted to say thanks so much to everyone. Also I’m sorry that I misspelled cues’
I was able to sit down with my mom this morning. At first I was rather angry with them but she would try to explain her side or events.
She told me that in order for me to be more independent I had to learn that people didn’t always get what they wanted. Even if it’s on our birthday, or Christmas, or any holiday. I asked her why they didn’t just have a sit down and talk with me. She said it wouldn’t be as effective.
She went into a whole lecture about how I’ve been leaching off of them for the past few months and that I need to learn how to be a proper adult.
When I asked her if we were going to go back to Applebee’s so we could do a birthday dinner makeover. Since I learned my lesson. She got angry.
For everyone wondering if I got any gifts for my birthday. From my family no, the dinner is usually the treat.
Am I missing the point of this “lesson” I understand that we don’t always get what we want. I feel like my mom is manipulating me.
I tried asking my brother about it and all he said was talk to mom. Sorry this isn’t a climactic update, I’m sorry that it’s not a happy ending. But this is all the information I have. Thanks for reading redditors. ❤️
Guys, I love my family so much. I do, but I feel like they’re lying to me about stuff. I think they want me to leave the house. If that’s the case I’m gonna talk to my case worker at school whos in charge of my IEP.
Again, I did not mean this as a validation post or anything. I was just genuinely confused and wondered if I had missed anything.
Edit 1: hey everyone! Thanks for the kind advice, currently I am job hunting and scoping out friends to let me stay with them.
Edit 2: comments have been locked. Sorry guys. Feel free to message me ❤️
This will likely be my last update on it ❤️
TLDR; my mother told me it was a life lesson
[2nd Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/yo7jv3/tifu_by_expecting_my_family_to_pay_for_my/) 2022 Nov. 6th
Link to original post on my account: [https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/ykkemb/tifu\_by\_expecting\_my\_family\_to\_pay\_for\_my/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/ykkemb/tifu_by_expecting_my_family_to_pay_for_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Second update: [https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/ym3ndw/tifu\_by\_expecting\_my\_family\_to\_pay\_for\_my/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/ym3ndw/tifu_by_expecting_my_family_to_pay_for_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
I appreciate everyone reaching out. I tried to respond to everyone but I awoke with 500 messages.
I am still at my families house. For more information, my mom has been receiving social security for me since I was eight. It was about 800-900$ a month. This money helped pay rent, get food for the house, etc. My mom tried convincing me to allow her to be my guardian, when I refused to sign anything, I had a evaluation done which included a IQ test, and some basic questions. The whole time my mother would try to lie saying I couldn’t take care of myself, to the point when the psychiatrist got mad at her and sent her out. I think my mom may have Munchausen syndrome. Im not sure and I’m not gonna diagnose her. My stepdad, is not an asshole and is actually way nicer to me than my mom. In fact my stepdad tried putting aside cash for me for when I came of age but my mom wouldn’t let him. My half brother is a lot like my mother personality wise. Always takes her side on everything, never went to college, and doesn’t have a job.
For my mother’s context, (this doesn’t excuse her actions) she has bipolar disorder. However, she blames her disorder for everything. She will say the rudest thing to you and cut you down to your core. Then the next day pretend everything is fine and never talk about it. If you try to bring it up she says I was having an episode.
I understand I have a disability. But it’s a disability that I can live with. I’ve been going to therapy for anxiety and have been doing a lot better than I used to be.
I don’t know what my future holds, I’m trying to look for a job and places to stay at the moment. When I’m able to leave I’m cutting my mom out of my life. My stepdad I’ll stay in contact with, my stepbrother maybe if he can escape my moms influence.
I’ve been severely manipulated, and emotionally abused. I see that now, reflecting on everything. To think, this all started with a birthday dinner I couldn’t have. I’m thinking about contacting my biological dads family, he left when I was younger and I haven’t had contact with his family sense. My mom always told me they didn’t want to see me but then again that could’ve been a lie too.
Hope this answered any questions you had. This will be my last update, thank you all for supporting my through this journey, I don’t wanna clog up tifu
If you’d like to offer advice or anything please message me. I will read every message ❤️
TLDR: mom is bipolar, brother has her personality, stepdad is okay, gonna reach out to biological dads family
[3rd Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/yq6rpr/tifu_update_by_expecting_my_family_to_pay_for_my/) 2022 Nov. 8th
So my mom found the Reddit posts. I don’t how or when. But I think my brother had something to do with it. She went on a huge temper tantrum throwing things across the room calling me the R slur. for “making her look bad” and how almost all of it was lies.
I asked her to explain how any of it was a lie and she completely dodged the question. I remember just crying and asking her why she refused to buy me my birthday dinner on my 18th birthday. She wouldn’t answer me. It was only 30$ guys, I know it sounds expensive but it wasn’t that much considering I never ask for anything on my birthday.
She continued to call me a liar and has since told me that I’m being evicted. (I have been served “papers” but I was planning on leaving anyway) she’s been crying and ignoring me.
Now I am seriously confused and doubting myself. At first I thought I had gotten everything, I had all the information. But am I missing something? Everyone’s been telling me no on here which has risen my confidence. But this was a total shattering moment. I feel like an idiot and I feel terrible, but she called me a leach.
I can’t tell if I’m being manipulated or not. I can’t tell if this is just another lie. I feel like I’m going batshit crazy staying here.
I didn’t mean to get everyone entangled in all of this and I didn’t mean for this to go insanely viral. I didn’t give out her name, I gave out my nickname that I’ve been called. Maybe a few of her friends recognized the post and me. I can’t really tell.
I still plan to reach out to my dad. My stepdad hasn’t really said anything and just sat on the couch nonchalantly while my mother was on her tyrannical speech about how I was Satans spawn.
I’ve said this in almost every post. I’m insanely sorry for clogging tifu. I don’t mean this to be validating or anything. If the mods want me to stop posting I will.
Feel free to dm me
Link to original post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/ykkemb/tifu\_by\_expecting\_my\_family\_to\_pay\_for\_my/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/ykkemb/tifu_by_expecting_my_family_to_pay_for_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
TLDR; Mom is kicking me out after she found the Reddit posts.
[Last Update (on user profile)](https://www.reddit.com/user/Commercial_Low1383/comments/yupar6/update/) 2022 Nov. 13th
Update
Original post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/ykkemb/tifu\_by\_expecting\_my\_family\_to\_pay\_for\_my/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/ykkemb/tifu_by_expecting_my_family_to_pay_for_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Check out my account for the other updates please.
Well, I couldn’t get in contact with my dad. I messaged him on Facebook and tried getting ahold of his friends. None responded.
Currently I am couch surfing with a friend. I would’ve stayed at my house for a bit longer but my mom and my brother had a fight with me and they got physical with me. So I began feeling unsafe in that environment.
I didn’t take much with me but a bag full of clothes and the documents I could get a hold of. I’ve blocked my mom and my brother on all forms of social media.
The friends dad I’m staying with said I could stay as long as I like but I feel like I’m overstaying my welcome.
TLDR; A fight at the house got physical, I am staying with a friend, couldn’t contact my biological dad
\*\*Reminder - I am not the original poster.\*\* | Standard-River-5629 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z3qwhs/new_update_oop_expects_family_to_pay_for_family/ | z3qwhs | 14,888 | 6,555 | [
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"2022-11-24T18:20:07" | [NEW UPDATE] My sister is turning into the biggest bridezilla. And I can’t stop laughing. | NEW UPDATE | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/cute_quarter_9399 in r/weddingshaming**
trigger warnings: >!PPD, manipulation!<
---
&nbsp;
[**My sister is turning into the biggest bridezilla. And I can’t stop laughing.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingshaming/comments/wqry1a/my_sister_is_turning_into_the_biggest_bridezilla/) - 17 August 2022
So, a little background. I am the second youngest of 5 kids. My older siblings are two brothers and one older sister, who we’ll call E for the purposes of this post.
E and I have a 5 year age gap, as a result we never really had that “sisterly” bond you would expect most sisters have. Growing up I was always a burden to her, and anytime it was my turn to pick the family movie (or really anything) she would get upset. The reason being that she had control issues as early as 9.
So I’m guessing you can already see where I’m going with this. I’m currently 18 (about to turn 19 - woohoo!) and E turned 24 earlier this year. Her bf “A” proposed to her at a family beach day earlier in June of this year. It was one of those “big white letters and rose pedals” proposals which he set up before my family arrived. She was thrilled, said yes, and my parents were very happy along with my older siblings (the youngest is 4 so I don’t think she understood what was happening).
Now here’s the drama - since the proposal she has gone into full bridezilla mode. At the behest of my mom, E made me a bridesmaid. So I’m roped into all the b.s. so far these are the demands my dear sister has made:
1. All bridesmaids are to pay for their own dress (a $300 dress! In blush pink), shoes, hair, and makeup.
2. All bridesmaids need to attend all wedding and bachelorette events, including:
a. The bachelorette spa day $800 each
B. The bachelorette vacation weekend to Toronto and stay at the Fairmont hotel $1000 weekend just for hotel
C. The dress appointments (even if just for bride), all alterations covered by the person themselves. $300 dress plus approx $300 alterations etc
D. All things to do with wedding (cake, venue, catering etc) they need to attend. The cake and food tasting, they all need to pay $25
E. The guests, and the bridal/groom party need to pay $150 to reserve their spots. And gifts have to be either cash, cheque, or from the list of registry items. She has a spreadsheet of what everyone is gifting, and has said she will return items that aren’t from her registry/match her theme
My mom says it’s bride anxiety, I say it’s just my sister trying to control everything because she wants a December wedding on a ski hill. Bleh 🤮
Anyways, I figure if people are interested, I could update periodically on what happens. Thanks for reading!
ETA: I realized I didn’t include the controlling parts. My bad. Here they are
1. All bridesmaids need to go to hair and skin appointments every 6 weeks to ensure our hair and skin is “flawless” for pictures, it’s out of pocket too
2. Anyone with tattoos needs to cover them (our dresses will do that. They go to the neck, ankles, and wrists. The bride wants to be the only one sleeveless/showing her tattoos and colourful hair style). Either we need to get our hair dyed to a natural colour, or wear a wig at our expense
3. The dresses only come in sizes 00-10 (pretty good range for most. But those who don’t fit are expected to try to lose weight. I’m a size 12, and already my sister is calling me fat. She’s sent me a keto diet book through Amazon.
4. No one (vendors) are to communicate directly to the bride/groom. It has to go through us first. She made a gmail with “lastnamewedding” which we all have access to, and we aren’t supposed to ask her if something is okay. We should just know (this is the part that stresses mom out)
5. We need to remind the guests that they need to pay a deposit of $150 to save their spot, and if we don’t get it, they don’t come. We also need them to confirm what they’ll purchase from the registry or the $ amount they’ll give.
Edit 2: y’all are making me realize my family isn’t normal. I’m going to look into therapy with my uni and seeing if I can move into residence earlier. I want to thank the person who private messaged me about getting my mom off my bank account and also get my birth certificate etc. I think I’m going to do that after I talk to the people at the bank.
I texted my mom (I’m at work right now) if her, dad, and I can talk about it while sister is gone to her fiancés for the night. I’m hoping to show my mom and dad this post to help them understand where I’m coming from
Edit 3: I’m going to take some time away from this alt - just because a lot of you are right. This isn’t normal, our relationship as a family is not normal. I called my aunt while I was at work (for those of you who don’t know, she’s my godmother, and she thinks my mom is nuts) and we talked about it. She’s encouraging me to talk to my parents about everything (not only the wedding, but favouritism etc since childhood) and she’s also on standby in case things go to shit.
My shift at work finishes in a few more hours, then I’ll go home and pack a quick bag of stuff for my aunt to grab before my parents and I talk.
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[**Update to “My sister is turning into a bridezilla and I can’t stop laughing”**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Cute_Quarter_9399/comments/wxirsg/update_to_my_sister_is_turning_into_a_bridezilla/) - 25 August 2022
Firstly, I just wanted to apologize for how long this has taken. My parents originally planned to talk that night, but mom said she wasn’t feeling good and decided to go to sleep early (around 6 pm) and that feeling stayed for a while. We then got busy moving my sister into her fiancés place and by the time everything settled, my parents forgot we had something to discuss, and kinda brush it off to the side. We finally had the conversation two days ago and I needed a day to think and just react to things.
So without further adieu, here is the update.
As you can expect, the update isn’t the best. But not really for the reasons you might think. I don’t know if I have a text limit so apologies if there is a part 2 (link below)
So turns out my dad never knew the whole story, he knew he was responsible for paying for my sisters dress And a portion of the wedding or honey moon. The reason for this is that my parents told me (dad confirmed with bank records) that my parents had been setting up 25k accounts for myself and each of my siblings. The rule was that these accounts could be used for anything once we turned 19 and went off to post secondary. It was our money to use. I just turned 19 and my dad was getting ready to sign the money over to me when we had this conversation. Which caused a bit of a blow up, but right now I need to give some background info I was given.
Right after sister got engaged, she apparently had a conversation with my mom about how she always felt like the child left out (she’s used this line before so I do believe my mom fell for it and was guilt tripped). As a result of a very long conversation, my mom figured that she could divert some of the funds from all the kids accounts to pay for sisters wedding.
For those wondering, my two older brothers are in the military. They aren’t married yet, and live on base. They never used their 25k because the army in Canada pays for your education, housing etc. So my mom had 50k at her disposal. Then combined with my sisters and my 25k it would have been 100k. Mom figured that because I had 17k saved up, she could just give me my 25k later for a car or a house payment…or wedding (bleh)
Sister did this because again, she is a master manipulator (side note: thank you to the wonderful redditors who sent me to various sub reddits for narcissism and support along with those who sent articles on it to me) and possible narcissist. She used some of my moms mental and physical health conditions against her.
When I was born, mom went through very bad PPD, resulting in her leaving to a treatment facility for 4 months. Leaving my sister, two brothers, me, and dad behind. My two older brothers at the time were 9 and 7 at the time and me, only a few months. Sister for reference was 5 or just shy of 5 (I honestly don’t care to calculate), since my brothers were trouble my dad and his brother (my uncle) had his hands full, and a live in nanny did the stuff for me, so my sister had my aunt (who lived with us at the time) and got little to no attention from dad at an age where attention is important. I think that triggered the bad sides of her to come out.
While the nanny did help sister with basics (food, water, bath, clothes, a little play) she wasn’t a replacement for mom. Even my aunt wasn’t a replacement for mom despite her being there mainly for sister and sleeping in the same bed as her, helping her with homework, having girls trips etc.
When mom came back, sister had a huge grudge, but not to mom, but to me. I was the reason mom left. Which led to her trying to smother me with a pillow. Mom caught her in time and it was a “funny” story for us as a family. Turns out that’s a coping mechanism.
Over my childhood, sister has used manipulation to get what she wants, and she did it for the wedding too. Mom felt bad, and decided to give her little dove everything she desired. Common things I heard growing up were “you always give (me) XYZ! I want this!“ *proceeds to have a melt down* as sister grew up it wasn’t little toys and candy anymore. But girls trips. As a result of this, dad and I grew very close. He’s my best friend.
My sister and I had a decent relationship when I was 12-14, but it changed again when mom got pregnant with youngest sister (it was an accident lol) and I became the target again for sisters rage and abuse.
While I know it doesn’t excuse a lot of things, I figured it would be important to give you all the whole story. Since I forgot some very important details in my last post which I added later.
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[**Part 2 to update “my sister is turning into a bridezilla and I can’t stop laughing”**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Cute_Quarter_9399/comments/wxiup0/part_2_to_update_my_sister_is_turning_into_a/) - 25 August 2022
So now with the back info done, here’s what happened:
A day after sister moved out I asked my mom and dad to please finally have the convo with me. Mom was feeling better so we sat down and we’re talking. I told them how I felt, how much of a financial toll it would be on me, how it wasn’t fair etc.
Well, Dad blew up. He didn’t know about the 100k, or the things sisters was doing etc. He didn’t like the fact that mom used a lot of “your father and I agree” talk even tho they hadn’t (I showed group chat screenshots). We worked through the wedding issue (I don’t have to attend) and the 25k for me issue (dad is signing it over early).
Then I was asked to go to my room for a bit because dad and mom wanted to talk. They settled the budget issue on their own. Dad then asked why I didn’t feel comfortable to talk to them earlier, so I showed them this post. My dad snapped. He immediately called my sister and told her to come here ASAP because he needed to talk to her and would not accept excuses. She said she would be here in 4 hours because she was with fiancé and his parents. Dad pressed, and she hung up and blocked him.
Dad told me to go to my room once again, but to leave my phone so they could go over the post and see the comments. I don’t know exactly what happened but mom came to talk to me later. She then told me about the PPD etc (I didn’t know about it earlier). We solved our issues and I finished by asking if sister would go to therapy. Because moms convinced that the 4 month leave caused this stuff in her, mom said she’d try, but can’t force. I told her if sister doesn’t go, I’m going NC with her and possibly LC with mom.
Dad then joined the convo and assured me I would get my money, and I wouldn’t have to go to wedding if I didn’t want to. Since sister is charging $150 per guest, she can pay for her grandios wedding through that. Soon to be BIL and his family aren’t paying for shit apparently, so now they have to or sister doesn’t get to have her ski hill wedding.
Speaking of the $150 fee, y’all were right. It was sister who concocted the whole thing and told mom it was an Italian thing. We talked to sisters MIL when she dropped sister off (sister doesn’t drive) and MIL was shocked that Sister had said that. There is apparently a money dance, but no $150 fee.
So onto what happened when sister came back. She came after 5 hours, and while MIL was there she was sweet as pie. But when MIL left, oh lord the gates to hell broke lose. She demanded why dad disturbed the peaceful evening and demanded he drive her back. Dad said he didn’t care and to sit down. She refused, they fought. Finally she sat down after dad started pulling out various tricks. Including money or telling MIL about sisters true nature (which I guess fiancé hasn’t seen much of)
I was excused to my room again. There was a lot of angry yelling back and forth and a lot of manipulation from sister, including threats of LC/NC or no seeing possible grand kids in the future. She was trying to get mom to go back to original plan (100k plan) and mom and dad weren’t budging.
The fighting continued and stopped when my dad yelled saying mom isn’t her punching bag and her PPD was not her fault and if she was that angry about it, go to therapy.
After that I was called back down, and we went over all the issues. Starting with the Keto book, sister tried to defend saying i was fat and lazy, dad defended me. Sister started to cry and mom told dad to be a little softer, which he did. We finally discussed everything and I felt like part of the family instead of like a punching bag. Sister eventually got an Uber and left because she was “being attacked”. We’re going to wait until Christmas time when brothers are back in town so we can all discuss what we need as a family to go forward and be healthy. But it will most likely be therapy or cutting sister out.
Mom and dad are still figuring out the full budget issue with my sisters in-laws. My parents told them that for such a wedding to happen everyone would need to contribute. In-laws agreed that 100,000 for a wedding is insane. Last I heard, sister will get her 15k for the wedding, which is basically 5k because 10k dress (since it’s already ordered - the other 10k is being held for something tangible) and then her in-laws are being generous and helping with 15 K. 10 to wedding 5 to honeymoon.
As for my schooling, Dad and I are going to the bank tomorrow and we’re going to pay the cancellation fee for the loan I had to take out. The loan only officially starts when I start school so thankfully the cancellation fee is very small. My dad is paying for the fee because he admits that I should’ve never had had to take the loan out. My parents agreed that my first year of university along with housing costs will not come out of my budget (the 17k or the 25k) so they will pay themselves. The full amount that they budgeted for me is going to be transferred into something called a TFSA for later in life.
Well mom and I still have a somewhat rocky relationship, sister absolutely hates me. She blamed me for everything, and said that I have caused irreparable damage to her relationship with her fiancé and in-laws. Because of this, she’s banned me from the wedding and from her life. I honestly don’t care, I don’t really see it as losing a sister I see it as losing a bully. I made a promise to my mom and dad that I would never treat my younger sister like that. I’m going to be the role model she deserves and I’m going to be her protector like my brothers and my father were for me.
I think I covered everything that needs to be covered but if you guys have any questions feel free to ask them. I’m very thankful for the sub Reddit for teaching me what a real family is about, and for teaching me about boundaries and communication.
Have an amazing life you gorgeous humans.
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[**3 month post update to “my sister is turning into a bridezilla and I can’t stop laughing”**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Cute_Quarter_9399/comments/ywwrut/3_month_post_update_to_my_sister_is_turning_into/) - 16 November 2022
Hey everyone! Figured I would update you since it’s been a very long time. I apologize, i lost the log in to this account but just found it.
So onto the update.
Family therapy is going really well, my two brothers were given temporary leave to come back to Canada (they were both stationed overseas for a bit, i believe they have to go back after this) to help the process along. Our family is getting back on track and my mom and I are closer then ever! It honestly feels like I have my best friend back.
As for my sister, honestly, i don’t know what’s going on with her. A friend of mine still follows her social media, and everything seems well. The wedding was moved up to November 26th instead of December 17th like she originally planned. Her and her fiancé have bought a place. Apparently (and this is rumours) she’s pregnant.
She’s cut all of us off, and her fiancés family is talking shit about us, but we’re holding strong.
In other, more exciting news, I’m loving Ottawa! I go back home once a month for in person therapy, but I also have three virtual sessions monthly. On top of that, my oldest brother is getting married! So while I lost a terrible sister, i gained an amazing sister. She’s so sweet, texts me every couple of days, gets me Uber eats orders when I’m down despite being provinces away. She’s so so sweet. She asked if I would feel comfortable being her MOH (she’s an only child and her mom passed away) and I agreed. So by this time next year I’ll have an official new sister!
There’s not a whole lot else to say, but I also have a boyfriend. He’s in the army too (couldn’t get away from it I guess 😅) and very supportive and loving. Our 6 month anniversary is in January, and I’m looking forward to it.
Anyways thank you so much Reddit, you are all amazing, beautiful, soulful humans and I hope you all have prosperous, healthy, and fruitful lives.
I love you all
Sincerly,
Cute_Quarter_9399
P.s i might delete this account
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z3qxdi/new_update_my_sister_is_turning_into_the_biggest/ | z3qxdi | 18,367 | 9,047 | [
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"2022-11-24T18:22:48" | AITA for telling my husband not to co-sign on his ex-wife's house? | CONCLUDED | I am not the OP. This was posted in r/AmITheAsshole . OOP’s account is deleted.
ORIGINAL POST + UPDATE (same post)
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ucmlqt/aita_for_telling_my_husband_not_to_cosign_on_his/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf April 27th, 2022
Throwaway account (my step son is on here).
I (34/f) met Stephen (49/m) 2.5 years ago. It was an unexpected love match but I found him to be funny and kind and charming and we had loads in common. We got married about a year ago and everything's been great between us.
Stephen was married to Tiffany (49/f) for 7 years, and they divorced 11 years ago. They share a 12 year old son, Taylor.
Tiffany and Stephen both worked in Healthcare and met in school. He's a doctor, she was a nurse. Their relationship ended when Tiffany admitted to infidelity and an affair shortly after Taylor was born. Stephen and Tiffany divorced and she lived with the man she had an affair with for 9 years. She had one child with him and they have since broken up. She then met another man, and had another child with him. They have also since broken up.
This is relevant because several years ago, Tiffany opted to let her nursing license lapse and to stay home with her kids.
The three fathers of her kids all pay child support, with Stephen paying the largest amount due to his income. He has no problem with child support and loves his son. The issue arose after Tiffany's last breakup.
She moved into a rental and then tried to get a mortgage approved to buy a house for her and the kids. But because Tiffany doesn't work and only has child support as her income, she cannot qualify to get a mortgage on her own.
She has asked Stephen to cosign and is laying on a heavy guilt trip about it being "what's best for his son" and that his son needs a home with lake access (I don't know why. We live on a lake and Taylor is rarely in the water when he's with us). The home she's currently renting is lovely, spacious, and she can afford it. Taylor has never expressed unhappiness about where they currently live when he's with us.
When Stephen told me this, I flat out told him not to do it. Not only do I not trust Tiffany not to destroy his credit, I also don't understand why she can't go out and get her license and start working again. There is a nursing shortage in our area and they are generously paid. She has family nearby that will happily care for the kids. We'll take Taylor more often. And if she's unwilling to do this, then why not continue renting.
Stephen told me I was being harsh on her and that it's understandable that she wants to own her own home. He's also said that he doesn't think she would damage his credit by defaulting on the mortgage.
I was married before Stephen but I don't have kids. That being said, it cost me thousands to make sure my ex- husband would never have access to my finances again.
Am I the asshole for thinking that cosigning on a house with his ex is a bad move and that she should go get a job if she wants to own a home?
**VERDICT: NTA**
Update: appreciate the many responses.
Stephen and I had a long talk about this when he got home from his conference. We discussed the issues this raises and we both agreed it's a bad idea that would strain our relationship. He admitted that he was concerned Tiffany would use his refusal to alienate his son, but also knows Taylor is old enough to come directly to him now, if he needs to.
He also apologized for worrying me and assured me he would have never moved forward without my consent, but wanted me to be in the know of what Tiffany was up to. I thanked him for being honest with me about what was happening, and knew I would have felt deceived if he hadn't told me, even if he was saying no to her.
We did discuss the option of buying and renting the home to her, but the idea of maybe being forced to evict her due to non-payment made us both pour another drink.
In the end, he messaged his ex that while he will always be there for Taylor, he can't in good faith cosign on a mortgage for her. She saw it and left him on read.
This is about as good an outcome as I could hope for and my husband and I were able to validate each other's feelings and ultimately come to a decision that we feel is right for us.
Thank you again for your responses and it's been an interesting day reading all of them. I am now going to return to my quiet, lurker profile.
Reminder, I am not the OP. | aita-reader | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z3qzpv/aita_for_telling_my_husband_not_to_cosign_on_his/ | z3qzpv | 4,529 | 6,497 | [
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"2022-11-24T19:30:29" | Would I (38f) be an idiot if I got back together with my ex husband (37m) who cheated on me 10 years ago? | REPOST | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwra9067 in r/relationship_advice**
---
&nbsp;
[**Would I (38f) be an idiot if I got back together with my ex husband (37m) who cheated on me 10 years ago?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ioneid/would_i_38f_be_an_idiot_if_i_got_back_together/) - 8 September 2020
My ex, who we'll call Mike, and I were together since we were 14 and got married at 22. We have 2 kids together (15f and 11m). My ex's work takes him all over the country for a week every quarter. In one of those trips, he hooked up with one of his coworkers. I never thought he could do something like that cause our relationship was really solid. He confessed immediately after he got home. I actually would've never found out if he didn't. He begged me for forgiveness, said that he still loved me and it was a lapse in judgement but said he would understand if I wanted a divorce, which is what eventually happened. It was very amicable and he actually gave me more than I expected (house, child support, alimony).
It was a slow process but over the years we became friends again and have a good co-parenting dynamic. Mike's a great father and the kids still love him. I got married 3 years after and he was actually very supportive. I divorced my 2nd husband 2 years ago cause he changed his mind on kids (I want 1 last baby).
Since the lockdown Mike has been over frequently. At this point, our relationship is so good we dont need to enforce any of the set visits and such. Well things have been getting hot between us for the last few months and we started having sex. I'm a woman with needs too and, to be very honest with you guys, he's still the best guy I've been with after all these years. It's like our bodies were made for each other. He always joked that we were like prime Pippen and Jordan in bed and when he said that again, it felt like we were back 10 years ago when we were still together. It was supposed to be just physical but here we are...
Just a few hours ago, he brought up the idea of us getting back together. He gave me the most genuine speech about how stupid he was the night he cheated and how he never stopped loving me in the last 10 years. I was speechless and couldnt say anything so he just gave me his usual toothy smile and said "Its ok, I'll wait" before driving home.
Now I'm lying here in bed typing this out. I'd be lying to you guys if I said I didnt love him. I'd be lying if I said the last few months weren't the happiest I've been in years. And I'd be lying if I said I never forgave him for cheating. I've told him years ago that I already did.
If I had to decide right now I'd jump out of bed and drive to his house and bring him home. It's taking all my willpower not to do so. I love him. However, I also want to think with my brain here.
Pros of taking him back:
He's a great dad and the kids would have him around more
He's a great provider
He says he still wants kids
I still love him
Cons:
I don't know yet, but maybe some of you can help me with that
Any advice on how I should proceed?
Edit: I made the first move when we started sleeping together
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE: Would I (38f) be an idiot if I got back together with my ex husband (37m) who cheated on me 10 years ago?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/irpvm5/update_would_i_38f_be_an_idiot_if_i_got_back/) - 13 September 2020
Its been a few days now since I've posted and reddit has given me some solid advice especially the kind redditors who messaged me directly. I'm very grateful for this cause it helped me calm down and not give in to my impulses.
The morning after I posted, I texted Mike saying that I needed time and space to think about everything. He then replied with "I've waited 10 years, I can wait a bit longer". My heart melted.
When the kids woke up, our son was looking for his dad. He's at the age now where he pretty much idolized his dad. I get why though, Mike is an amazing dad. Our daughter gave me the stink eye all morning.
After lunch, when our son was in his room playing video games, my daughter confronted me about Mike. She basically said how she knew there was something going on (guess we're not that sneaky) and that she didn't want our fighting to affect their lives. She thought we were fighting.
Now, the divorce affected her but not as badly as expected. We made sure to get her counseling immediately after and made extra sure her life was as normal as possible. I'm not gonna delude myself and think she wasn't hurt by it but I'm pretty confident in saying we dealt with it pretty well. Or as well as we could.
I then had the conversation about how we weren't fighting but quite the opposite... We were thinking about getting back together. She thought about it for a while and said she was happy for us and hoped it was forever this time.
The next day I dropped my kids off at my parents house so I could talk to Mike at his place. We had a long talk about how we felt about each other, what we plan to do about it going forward, and as many of you suggested what he planned to do next time we hit a rough patch especially since we plan on having a 3rd kid. He told me that the night he cheated still haunted him 10 years later. He told me how it wasnt worth it one bit and how it was the biggest mistake of his life. He said that if ever we hit a rough patch again, we would talk about it like adults. He even suggested we do couples counseling every now and then even when times are good. I liked this idea. There are some details about our conversation that I want to keep private but long story short we got back together. We are going to take it slow and in every step we take, we both agreed that our children would take priority over everything. He's not going to move in yet but he would spend a few nights a week at home with us.
Later that night, we sat the kids down and broke the news. Daughter didn't say much cause she already knew but our son was over the moon. Since we divorced when he was a baby, the concept of both his parents being together was quite new to him. They obviously asked questions and we answered them. We're also planning on doing family counseling to help make the transition easier for everybody.
Overall, I'm really happy right now. Mike made a mistake 10 years ago but I don't hold it against him and have completely forgiven him for it. I know he loves me now and won't cheat on me anymore. I'm back together now with the love of my life and father of my kids and I couldn't be happier.
As I type this out, Mike is in the next room playing video games with our son. I'm not entirely sure what the future will look like but I'm happy he's back.
Thank you reddit for the advice. It really helped with our talk and how we proceed going forward. I think I'll stay online for an hour or so to reply till the kids are asleep and he comes to bed then it's my turn to have fun.
Peace 😁
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z3sjs0/would_i_38f_be_an_idiot_if_i_got_back_together/ | z3sjs0 | 7,038 | 13,910 | [
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"2022-11-24T20:21:07" | AITA For not putting my mom in a nursing home | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z3tnlf/aita_for_not_putting_my_mom_in_a_nursing_home/ | z3tnlf | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-24T20:23:22" | AITA For not putting my mom in a nursing home | CONCLUDED | \*\*I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Substantial-Emu-7247 in r/AmItheAsshole\*\*
Also I forgot to put it in Markdown mode when I made the post, sorry for the format
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trigger warnings: >!accusations of incest, stroke!<
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\---
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\[\*\*AITA For not putting my mom in a nursing home\*\*\]([https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yprz51/aita\_for\_not\_putting\_my\_mom\_in\_a\_nursing\_home/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yprz51/aita_for_not_putting_my_mom_in_a_nursing_home/)) - November 8, 2022
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I (19M) live with my dad (53m), brothers (17m & 15m), and my mom (43F). My mom is the most beautiful soul ever. Always there for us. Encouraged us in whatever dream or goal we had. Two years ago my mom suffered a major stroke. She fought hard to learn to be able to walk and talk again. And we were with her every step of the way.
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Things were going great until this past year. My mom now has unknown neurological disorders that renders her paralyzed to at times almost a vegetative state. In between those times she’s fine but can’t be left alone. My dad is a truck driver but comes home every weekend and we have a nurse who helps during the day while we’re at school or work.
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I was offered a full ride at one of our country’s top universities when I graduated. My family, friends, and my girlfriend was so excited about it. But none as much as my mom. I was excited too. But I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t leave my mom’s care on just my dad and brothers. My gf thinks I’m sick because I have zero problem feeding my mom, changing her diaper, bathing her, dressing her, carrying her outside to sit in her chair. (Neither does my dad or brothers).
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My gf recently told my mom that she was destroying my life and it would be best if she went to a home where others could deal with her. My mom sat us all down crying and apologized to us for being a burden. Told us she was going to look at homes so we could be free to live our lives.
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When we finally found out why she was saying this, dad lost it. I called my gf and told her to stay the f\*ck away from me and my family. That she was a cold hearted bitch who belongs in hell. She called me a sick pervert. Now I have people talking about how I’m in a sexual relationship with my mom. I’m still pissed because my mom is hurting and depressed. None of us want her in a home. But if it’s really what mom wants are we being selfish if we don’t put her in one?
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Small update: Dad’s taking a couple weeks off. I sent him a link to this so he could read all the comments. Granted ultimately any decisions will be made by him and mom but he wants us all to sit down together and talk. I do want to let y’all know that I’m still going to school but instead of an Ivy League, I’m going to university of Arkansas. My middle brother Jake is studying diesel mechanics. And Johnny the youngest has a ways to go before graduating high school and joining the Navy. Girlfriend is in the ex category. I’ll let y’all know what happens after dad and mom talk with us.
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\[\*\*UPDATE AITA for not putting my mom in a nursing home\*\*\]([https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yunedc/update\_aita\_for\_not\_putting\_my\_mom\_in\_a\_nursing/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yunedc/update_aita_for_not_putting_my_mom_in_a_nursing/)) - November 13, 2022
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So in the span of just a few days a lot has happened.
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1. Mom found my post. And commented. She also found out that my ex had accused me of having a sexual relationship with my mom.
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2. Yes I got into Harvard. But I gave that up to help care for mom. I go to University of Arkansas. My dreams of becoming a doctor hasn’t changed just the path.
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Dad came home and took mom out. I guess they had fun cause they left frowning and came home stupid smiling. This morning the smiles dropped when we got a knock on the door. Apparently mom invited my viper of an ex and her family over. In true hostess fashion mom was very nice with the small talk for a few minutes, then lowered the boom.
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Apparently a few years ago mom took care of EXs grandparents in a nursing home. She flat out asked if EX thought she was Fing her grandparents because she changed them, bathed them, and helped dressed them. The look on my EXs parents faces was priceless. When asked what mom was talking about, mom explained that my ex was going around telling people that I was in a sexual relationship with her because of me taking care of her. They thought we had broken up because I had cheated. When her dad found out what she’d been saying about my mom and I he apologized to us and then lost it on her.
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After they left we had a family meeting. Mom said she wants to go to a home because she doesn’t want any of us to have resentment for giving up being normal teens or our dreams for her. She also feels like she has become a hardship on dad. Dad just looked at her and informed her that her place was by his side unless it was unsafe for her physically, then he’d just move into a nursing home with her.
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As for me, I told her I’m fine with where I am. My brothers agreed. We go out with friends, though most of our friends prefer to hang at our house, we go on dates, we’re “normal teens”. We did come to a compromise that we’d revisit the issue in a year. Unfortunately the stress has caused an issue so mom is at the “spa” aka the hospital tonight with dad. Thanks again everyone.
Editing to add OOP’s moms comments
1. Every day you, your brothers, and your daddy give me a reason to wake up. I don’t ever want any of you to regret your life choices. I want you baby to reach for the stars because only you can hold yourself back. I don’t want to be a burden to you or Jacob or John or my wonderful annoying husband. And when your daddy gets home you can bet your sweet behind we will be talking about this. And son if Harvard is where you truly want to be, then you go. I’ll be ok. I’m not going anywhere. I fully intend to be here long enough to spoil any and all grandkids I have. And none of you had better make me a granny yet because I’m not ready for that yet. I love each and every one of you.
2. Comment: Your mom is such a badass, saying all that to your ex girlfriend in front of your family.
Mom’s reply: I’m not a badass. But thank you dear for saying that. Makes me feel good. Showed Pops and he said he should get me a leather jacket I can wear on the new bike he got. I can be his badass biker babe. 😂 you have a wonderful life sweetie.
3. Comment: You're the mom?!? I didn't know you as of two minutes ago but I am now madly in love with you, this small tidbit about you and your family's life is more than enough to understand why they want so much to take proper care of you <3 I wish you all the very best!
Mom’s reply: Yes I’m mama. I hope you fallow your dreams and achieve them. Remember the roads of life maybe bumpy and full of obstacles but you can still reach your goals. The stars can be reached sweetie, the only one who can hold you back is yourself. Lots of love.
4. Comment: Not only are you lucky to have each other, it sounds like your community is lucky to have you guys too❤️
Mom’s reply: Actually we’re lucky to have the community we live in. Everybody knows everybody. They are so loving here. I hope you live somewhere where your neighbors look after you sweetie.
5. Comment: I’m glad your ex got told off. She’s absolutely ridiculous. I’m also glad you all were able to come to a family decision on next steps. There are many paths to being a doctor. It’s not always where you go for undergrad but how well you do. But please take the scholarship you will undoubtedly be offered for grad/med school. It’s a pretty penny! Lol
Mom’s reply: I promise you he will. He’s a good man. And he has a good bedside manner. And that’s not the mama in me talking but the nurse in me talking.
6. Comment: You're family, particualry your mom sound great. And she's on her Queen shit for calling out your vile ex in from of her family.
Mom’s reply: Thank you dear. Every person is born with a crown. We just forget we have it. May your days be blessed.
7. Comment: i want to be your mom when i grow up. u/ComfortableOld6914, you're a beast and you've clearly raised a trio of great boys.
best of luck to all y'all wherever and however you guys choose to go and may your ex have triple fudge sharts in an all-white outfit.
Mom’s reply: Greetings dear. Stay young. Enjoy life. Remember to have a set of beliefs and a strong moral code. Hold your head high, and keep your crown on straight. And no matter whether your a guy or a gal, pick the right undies for the day, and a thong is never the right choice because you’ll always be picking a wedgie out all day. 🤪
\*\*Reminder - I am not the original poster.\*\* | Apprehensive-Net2687 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z3tpb6/aita_for_not_putting_my_mom_in_a_nursing_home/ | z3tpb6 | 9,048 | 5,807 | [
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"2022-11-24T20:55:38" | My friends (both F14) are dating adults (one M20 the other M25) | INCONCLUSIVE | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z3udhc/my_friends_both_f14_are_dating_adults_one_m20_the/ | z3udhc | 9 | 19 | [
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"2022-11-24T22:17:26" | I (28M) was about to propose to my gf (28f) of 7 years, but then I discovered something. Need advice. | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/hypertext01 in r/relationship_advice**
---
&nbsp;
[**I (28M) is about to propose to my gf (28f) of 7 years, but then I discovered something. Need advice.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/b0h9as/i_28m_is_about_to_propose_to_my_gf_28f_of_7_years/) - 13 March 2019
We've been together for 7 years, and we've been really really happy together. She's sweet, loving, and caring.. She's already been close to my family, and me to hers. We are really connected to each other, same passion, same likes and dislikes, we frequently travel together and all. We rarely fight, and when we do, we resolve issues quickly.. It's like a perfect relationship. We've been steady, we're genuinely happy in love.
Just when I was already contemplating on proposing to her, I felt like she's gone cold for the past month. Just this valentines, we were on top of the world surprising one another with gifts and sweet nothings. But the following weeks felt different.
Her "I love yous" weren't as enthusiastic. The way she talks and communicates with me feels different. She easily gets upset over trivial things. She seems to be a different person all of a sudden. I actually asked her what's wrong, but she assures me everything is ok and something is just bugging her.. I asked again but it seems she doesn't want to open up.. She assures me though that she loves me very much.
Then, just recently, like 4 days back, I was reminded that she has a spare phone just sitting on my drawer, phone was dead and was not used for almost la year. So I grabbed on a charger, booted it up.. and it so happened that her google account is still logged in on the device. Curious, I went to see what she's been up to lately, then I discovered her recent searches/history in google and youtube. I was shocked and I dont know how to react. The searches go like this:
* I cheated on him
* i cheated on him many times
* I cheated should we break up
* Breaking up a long term relationship... and so on
The searches were dated Feb 15 onwards. Almost everyday she looks on the same searches and other related topics.
I am devastated discovering this. I cannot eat, I cannot sleep. But I haven't confronted her about this.
What should I do? Do I need to confront her? We are currently far apart now due to work, but we will be seeing each other next week. I am confused, I am in shock, idk how to react. Please help.
&nbsp;
[**[UPDATE] I (28M) Is about to propose to my gf (28f) of 7 years, but then I discovered something. Need advice.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/b1izig/update_i_28m_is_about_to_propose_to_my_gf_28f_of/) - 15 March 2019
Hello guys. Im providing an update to my earlier post
I dont think there is a need for me to see her again next week. So here’s what happened.
-She texted me she got home and about to sleep at 11:44 PM (she’s closing deals in another city and has to rent a place)
-I tried to facetime her 11:51 PM just to say goodnight, she didn’t pick up. I tried messaging her but no response.
Remember that spare phone that’s with me where her google account is logged in? I browsed on her activity history quickly to find out what shes up to, and was surprised there’s a “google assistant” command recorded at 11:48 PM.
I played and listened. There’s her voice and a voice of another guy. They were goofing around at the google home device. So yeah.
I confronted her and barraged her with a lot of messages, she only replied at around 1 AM. She kept on denying she’s cheating.
Then I laid all the evidences, all the screencaps and even the audio clip recording from the google assistant.
She finally admitted.
I am single.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z3w8dl/i_28m_was_about_to_propose_to_my_gf_28f_of_7/ | z3w8dl | 3,791 | 10,109 | [
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"2022-11-25T01:10:41" | I kicked my pregnant sister out because she made my roommate cry. | CONCLUDED | chalkysaucepan | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z3zwe8/i_kicked_my_pregnant_sister_out_because_she_made/ | z3zwe8 | 0 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-25T01:19:58" | AITA for wanting my sister to pay me back for the cans her kids stole from my shed? 1/2 (REPOST, NEW UPDATES to follow in part 2) | REPOST | *I am not OP, the original was posted by* [*u/Yam-Throwaway*](https://www.reddit.com/u/Yam-Throwaway/)*. This is a repost, since new updates were posted.*
[*Link to the original BoRU-post*](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/sdb8mm/aita_for_wanting_my_sister_to_pay_me_back_for_the/) *by* [*u/juracilean*](https://www.reddit.com/user/juracilean/)*, which contained the original post & two updates.*
# [Original Post (posted 21.01.2022 on AITA)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s8x7nn/aita_for_wanting_my_sister_to_pay_me_back_for_the/)
This happened yesterday. When I came home from work I noticed my shed door was open and the padlock that I used to keep it shut was broken. And I had a LOT of bags full of soda cans in there. I tend to drink a lot of soda, so I've built up a lot of cans. And I was going to cash them in at the bottle drop soon. There was more than just my cans missing from the shed too. I was missing some gardening tools, a machete, and a gas can. I went to check my security cameras and early in the morning right after I left for work I saw my three nephews break into my shed using a hammer to smash the lock, and taking the cans, as well as the other stuff. I called my sister and she and her husband denied their kids did it. Till I showed up at their house with the footage from my cameras.
They were furious with their kids for robbing me and skipping school to do it. I got the other stuff back. (The gas can was emptied though) But they'd already cashed all of the cans. I wanted the money from the cans and my nephews had already spent it all on video games and junk food. I demanded to know how much they got from the cans and it was nearly $200. I told my sister she now owes me over $200 for the cans and the broken padlock. My sister and BIL went from being angry at their kids to making excuses for them, and then being angry at me for wanting that money back when I know they have three kids and a mortgage. I said it was either that or I go to the police and press charges. They told me to get out, and I said they have two days to decide how to pay me back before I go to the cops. My nephews are thieves and have stolen from me before. That's why I got the cameras.
What my nephews did was most definitely wrong. But I also know my sister and BIL can't really afford to pay me back. And they're blowing up my phone and calling me heartless for giving them the ultimatum when I know they are nearly broke after the holidays.
AITA for doing that?
&#x200B;
**Info from the comments:**
>Yes I do have insurance. No I'm not going to make a claim because the only actual damage done was to a $10 padlock. And I got back everything else but the stolen cans.
>
>The nephews are 16, 15, and 14.
&#x200B;
>Redditor: Wouldn't it be a fair compromise to have the kids work off the money they owe you by shoveling snow, doing yard work and other manual labor? Hell, tell them to walk about town picking up cans. Why make the parents pay for their fuckup?
>
>OOP: Because those kids have stolen from me several times already. I always got the stuff back. But it was a fight. And I've banned their kids from my house because of it. Making them pay me back is the only way to make them learn. I don't want those kids anywhere near my house. Even to do work. I do all of my own yard work regularly and even kind of enjoy it. But those brats just hem and haw any time they're made to do chores. And I'd have to watch them the entire time. It's not worth it to make them work. I'd rather just have the money back.
&#x200B;
>They \[the parents\] can't afford therapy. Both of them work to pay their mortgage, so their kids are left unsupervised a lot.
>
>My sister and BIL have always given me flak when their kids stole from me. When I wanted the stolen stuff back they always acted like I was a jerk and then made their kids give me the fakest apologies I've ever heard. I'm done being nice. Either they or their kids pay me back or I go to police.
# First Update (added in original post)
Well I went to the police. I tried to work with my sister and BIL when I called them this morning because I didn't want to wait till after they were done with work to speak with them. Not only did they refuse any sort of suggested way of repaying me, they actually said that it was my fault for having the cans there to begin with. They said I tempted my nephews with the money. I was enraged and said I was done with them. Then they started blowing up my phone all over again. My eldest nephew sent me a picture of him holding a soda can and giving me the finger. So that was it. I went to the police station and filed the report. Gave them a copy of the video footage of my nephews stealing from my shed. I gave them the broken lock they smashed. Showed them all of the texts, which were screen-shotted and also given as evidence. Hell, I even gave them the photo my eldest nephew sent me of him flipping me off.
I don't know if my nephews have been arrested yet. But I'm assured they will be. Perhaps some community service will change their attitudes. I did tell police that I found it worrisome that my nephews had taken the machete. But it was as I thought. They classified it as a tool. Especially since they took a lot of other actual tools. Other than the machete, they also some gardening shears, a steel rake, two shovels (One of them being one of those folding camping ones), a full two gallon gas can, a cheap power drill I got for like $5 used, an electric hedge trimmer, and a small electric chainsaw that was also used. They didn't touch the lawn mower, weed wacker, extension cords, or the old radio I had in there. No idea why they took what they did. But I guess they figured they could resell them or something. But I got all of that back, minus the gas that was in the gas can. No idea what they used it for. But it was old gas anyway.
After they first broke into my shed, they took what they could by hand. And then they came back with some shopping carts that I'm guessing they also stole. But it took them a few trips to get all of the cans. And they didn't bother to even try and close the door when they were done.
Either way though my nephews are now in trouble for trespassing, larceny and harassment. I'm sure either today or tomorrow my phone is gonna be blowing up like mad when the cops come for those kids. But I said it was my hill to die on, and I meant it. I don't even care if I get the money back now. They had their chance. I've already replaced the lock on the shed with a much stronger one. And the machete will no longer be kept in the shed. I've also talked to a few of my neighbors about what happened. They told me cans have actually been going missing around the neighborhood lately. If anybody had a bag of cans sitting out, it'd get stolen. Can't say if my nephews were the culprits. But if they were, then they've been doing this for months.
I've also spoken with my relatives. And they're fed up with my sister and BIL too. So they're all on my side at least. Which is good to know. I was worried they'd turn on me since I filed the police report. But no, I just got a lot of "Good for you" and "It's about damn time those kids faced some justice". I wasn't the only one in the family they stole from.
Many in the comments tried to say I should offer that my nephews work off the $200. There's no way I was going to do that. The little shits hate doing any work they don't want to do. And will just stand around griping and acting like the world is against them. And they'd have to be supervised the entire time. Which is another thing I don't want to do. Plus, I banned them from my house for good reason. The thefts started with food and snacks. And then went on to DVDs and video games. That made me start putting my initials on cases and discs with permanent markers. So I was able to show when my nephews had taken something of mine. They tried the "Oh he let us borrow them" excuse a few times. But I always called bullshit. And then made them return the stuff they took. Which they always acted like I was a jerk for doing. And then when they were made to apologize to me each time, they were the fakest apologies I've ever heard.
The final straw that banned my nephews from my house was when they used the spare hidden key to my house to get in and stole three six packs of my favorite blood orange beer from my fridge, along with raiding my kitchen for anything else they wanted. One of them took a dump in my bathroom and not only didn't flush, put also intentionally pissed on the floor. They tried to say it wasn't them. But I knew it was. The beer they stole was even hidden in their room. My sister and BIL barely punished them and basically gave me an equivalent to "Boys will be boys". Then berated me when I said they and their kids were no longer welcome at my home ever again.
And that's all why I got the cameras. When I had them installed I told no one. Which was a very smart idea because my nephews had no idea they were there when they broke into my shed. Guess I was their easiest target. When I can afford it, I plan to get more cameras inside my house too.
# [Second Update (posted 26.01.2022 on r/EntitledPeople)](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/scrv4n/my_entitled_nephews_stole_from_me_one_time_too/)
**My entitled nephews stole from me one time too many. This time I got them arrested, and now my sister and BIL have to deal with the fallout. And I really don't care anymore**
In a prior post in a different subreddit, I asked if I was the bad guy for wanting to call police on my nephews for stealing from me. And the overwhelming support I got made me realize that standing my ground was the best thing for me to do.
About mid way last week when I came home from work I noticed my shed door was open and the padlock that I used to keep it shut was broken. And I had a LOT of bags full of soda cans in there. I and my friends tend to drink a lot of soda, so I've built up a lot of cans over the course of about a year. And I was going to cash them in at the bottle drop soon because I like big payouts. It's ten cents a can where I live after all. But there was more than just my bags of cans missing from the shed too. They took my gardening shears, a steel rake, two shovels (One of them being one of those folding camping ones), a full two gallon gas can, a cheap power drill I got for like $5 used, an electric hedge trimmer, and a small electric chainsaw that was also used, and a machete. They didn't touch the lawn mower, weed wacker, extension cords, or the old radio I had in there. No idea why they took what they did. But I guess they figured they could resell them or something.
I checked my camera footage and there was my three nephews (Ages 16, 15, and 14) breaking into my shed with one of their dad's large claw hammers. I recognized the hammer because it's bright yellow and black, and their dad has a bunch of them. It only took them a few hits to smash that cheap lock. After they first broke into my shed, they took what they could by hand. And then they came back with some shopping carts that I'm guessing they also stole. But it took them a few trips to get all of the cans. And they didn't bother to even try and close the door when they were done.
My sister and BIL first denied their kids stole anything from me. So I went to their house and showed them the security footage from my cameras. I'd not told them I'd had cameras installed. And the reason I had the cameras put in was because of prior thefts by my nephews. It started with food & snacks. And then moved on to DVDs and video games. Then pretty much anything they thought they could smuggle out after that. And any time I made them return stuff they'd stolen from me, I was treated like the bad guy and then got the fakest apologies I've ever heard. And they never got in much trouble from their parents either. The final straw happened last year when my nephews broke into my house and stole three six packs of my favorite blood orange beer from my fridge. They used my hidden spare key to get in, and also took a huge dump in one of my bathrooms and not only didn't flush, but also peed all over the floor. And I'm pretty sure it was intentional. The beer they stole was hidden in one of their bedrooms when I confronted my sister and BIL about my nephews stealing it. And I was basically given an equivalent to "Boys will be boys" when I wanted them punished. So I had the cameras put in and told no one. Which was a smart move.
When my sister and BIL saw the camera footage of my nephews stealing from me, they seemed furious. But they were actually madder that their boys skipped school to steal from me. They'd spent all day making repeated trips to the Bottle Drop and cashing the cans by machine. The bottle drop also pays by machine. So they just kept bringing the cans in till they cashed them all. And then they bought video games and junk food with the money. Said money actually amounted to nearly $200. With that and the destroyed padlock I told my sister and BIL that they now owed me $200. My sister and BIL went from being angry at their kids to making excuses for them, and then being angry at me for wanting that money back when I know they have three kids and a mortgage. I said it was either that or I go to the police and press charges. They told me to get out, and I said they have two days to decide how to pay me back before I go to the cops.
I got back everything else my nephews stole, machete and gas can included. Though they'd already used the gas for something. But over the next couple of days my sister and BIL were blowing up my phone with a ton of messages. Both verbal and text. At first they were calling me heartless because it was right after the holidays and they have three kids and a mortgage. Then they started gaslighting me. Then even threatening me. And all of this would go in a repeating cycle. My nephews chimed in from another cell phone and were sending me lots of messages of their own. Which were more fake apologies and gaslighting. My eldest nephew even sent me a picture of himself holding a soda can and giving me the middle finger. So I guess they weren't taking my threats of going to police seriously because "FAAAAMILY!".
When I last spoke with my sister and BIL, they refused to negotiate any sort of method of repayment for what my nephews did. Even when I suggested they just sell the video games that were purchased with the money from the cans. Then they had the audacity to say I'd actually tempted my nephews by having the cans in my shed to begin with. Oh yes. I'm the devil snake that tempted my nephews with a shed full of cans that just screamed "MONEY MONEY MONEY!!" So that was it. I went to the police station that morning and filed the report. Gave them a copy of the video footage of my nephews stealing from my shed. I gave them the broken lock they smashed. Showed them all of the texts, which were screen-shotted and also given as evidence. Hell, I even gave them a copy of the photo my eldest nephew sent me of him flipping me off. I did tell police that I found it worrisome that my nephews had taken the machete. But they classified it as a tool. Especially since they took a lot of other actual tools. So fair enough on that I suppose.
But my nephews were indeed arrested on Saturday. Police came to their house and my sister and BIL were forced to let them in because they had a warrant. Apparently all three of my nephews went from being cocky little shits to crying like babies when they were being put in cuffs. I know this because a neighbor I'm acquainted with that's sort of friends with my sister was there to see it. And shortly after the arrest my sister and BIL were blowing up my phone again. They weren't able to get their kids out of jail till Monday morning. And now the boys are being charged with larceny, willful destruction of property/vandalism, and harassment. The police took this whole case pretty seriously as there has been complaints about my nephews for some time. But nothing was proven until now. The past few months bags of cans have actually been going missing all over the area. Don't know if it was my nephews or not. But they're likely suspects. And with word spreading of their arrest, let's hope other neighbors with security cameras come forward with more footage.
My sister and BIL showed up at my house too. I refused to open the door and told them that this all happened because they are enablers who refuse to hold their kids accountable for their actions. That made them just scream and pound on my door more till I threatened to call police on them too. And since I've done it already, they know I mean it now. So they left without any more trouble. But they went back to blowing up my phone. I didn't block my sister or BIL. Instead I decided to just save all of the messages they send me because I've made the decision to take them to small claims court over this. I don't really need or want the money, and have already replaced the destroyed padlock with a much better one. However the kids aren't the only ones who need to be taught a lesson. In the end I hope I put them in enough of a hole that they learn not to screw with me ever again. I also have the full support of my family on this. My parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. They're all supporting me in this because my nephews have stolen from them too. And after banning my nephews from my house, some of them did the same.
I'm going to push for my nephews to get community service. And the reason why isn't just because it's a good idea, but also because I know that they'll hate that the most. Whenever made to do any kind of work they don't want to do, they just stand around griping and act like the whole world is against them. So hardly anything ever gets done. Perhaps a few hundred hours of unpaid work will teach them some manners. They've been spoiled far too much.
[Link to part 2/2](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z405hx/aita_for_wanting_my_sister_to_pay_me_back_for_the/)
***Edit: Sorry, part 2 is still waiting for mod-approval - normally, they are pretty much instantaneous, but I guess they are in bed with a food coma, preparing for their Black Friday shopping bonanza.*** | Corfiz74 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4039i/aita_for_wanting_my_sister_to_pay_me_back_for_the/ | z4039i | 18,438 | 3,255 | [
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"2022-11-25T01:23:04" | AITA for wanting my sister to pay me back for the cans her kids stole from my shed? 2/2 (NEW UPDATES) | NEW UPDATE | *I am not OOP, the original was posted by* [*u/Yam-Throwaway*](https://www.reddit.com/u/Yam-Throwaway/)*.* [*Link to part 1/2*](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4039i/aita_for_wanting_my_sister_to_pay_me_back_for_the/)
# [Third Update (posted 06.02.2022 on r/EntitledPeople)](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/slng7t/update_to_my_entitled_nephews_stealing_from_me/)
**Sister and BIL had the money to pay me back the entire time**
Well this is stupidly anticlimactic. I figured that my sister and BIL were gonna dig their heels in even deeper after the shit that's already gone down. But they actually caved. I filed a lawsuit against them in small claims for the actions of their kids. In the suit I was asking for $500. This was for the stolen cans, the destroyed lock, the cost of the replacement lock (Which was a much better and more expensive one), the cost of filing with the courts, and emotional damages for the harassment. A friend who's father is a lawyer gave me a free consultation and said I have a very strong case because of the camera footage I have of both my nephews stealing from me, and of my sister and BIL pounding on my front door. Plus all of the messages they sent me.
When my sister and BIL were served, they called me freaking out. They said I couldn't do this to them. So I retorted that this is the price they are paying for not parenting their kids and letting them become entitled little thieves. And if they wish to speak to me again, it will either be when I see them in court, or if they decide to pay me the $500 I'm suing for. Then I hung up on them. Well yesterday evening I was having some friends over after work. We were just chilling out and watching a movie. None of us were in the mood for video games since we were tired from the day. And we just wanted a chill evening. But then I got a knock at the door. When I looked outside, there was my sister and BIL. And they looked very unhappy.
I opened the door, but left the screen door shut. Then ask them what they were doing at my house. They told me that they're tired of fighting because everyone is against them. And fully admitted how badly they effed up by letting this go as far as they did. And just wanted to make peace. My friends were standing in full view behind me. So there were witnesses to this. BIL then slid an envelope through a crack in the door that contained $500 in $50 bills. He said it was from his private savings account. Then told me from now on they'll make sure my nephews are duly punished for their actions. They didn't ask me to drop the charges. But pleaded with me to at least be lenient. I said I was only pushing for community service. Which is pretty lenient. And if we cooperate for that, then hopefully the judge will agree. They sighed and said they'd cooperate if that's all I wanted. Then left without making any sort of a fuss.
My friends all congratulated me on holding my ground. Others in my family later did the same. That's when I found out from my parents that they actually threatened to disown my sister if she and her husband didn't make some changes for the better. So now they are. It may be a forced change. But it's the best we'll probably see out of them. My mom paid my sister and BIL a visit after they repaid me too. She told me that my nephews were not playing video games. In fact, every single video game related thing was put away somewhere. And so was the TV that my nephews would game and watch movies on. All three nephews were in their rooms most of the time. And were very rude and unwelcoming to their grandmother. But my sister claims they are dealing with the situation.
So yeah, I've dropped the lawsuit now that I've been paid what I wanted. But my nephews are still going to court for theft. And are now getting the parenting they should have been getting long ago. I've also been assured that they will not be coming near my house again any time soon. And are strictly only to be either at school, or at home.
**Info from the comments:**
>My nephews won't be welcome anywhere near my house for a long time to come, my sister and BIL are now basically forced to do the parenting they should have already been doing. And everyone else ion the family has been on my side about this because my nephews had basically gotten everyone to hate them.
# [Fourth Update (posted 18.11.2022 on r/EntitledPeople)](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/yyjyqi/update_to_my_nephews_stealing_cans_from_my_shed/)
**My eldest nephew went mental on my house**
To start off with, yes I did get more cameras. One I installed right above the shed. So it looks like I've got the whole area covered. I wanna say that my sister and BIL, as well as my nephews have learned from this whole ordeal. But that's not entirely the case. Especially for my eldest nephew, who just couldn't let go of wanting revenge on me. And he stupidly tried to get it. Here's what happened.
To recap as many previous readers know, my nephews stole an assload of cans from my shed after breaking into it and cashed them in at the bottle drop for about $200. My sister and BIL acted like I was an asshole for wanting the money back for the cans and damages. I ended up pressing charges because they refused to pay. And things turned pretty ugly. I filed a small claims lawsuit, and they had to pay me back for the cost of damages, theft, emotional damages for constant harassment, and the cost of the lawsuit itself. All adding up to $500. Which finally made my sister and BIL raise a white flag and actually start parenting their kids. My nephews got all of their privileges taken away, and were forced by a judge to work community service. Which they hated, and had to be forced just to complete. They didn't get more than 100 hours each because I'd been repaid by their parents when we settled out of court. So the judge pretty much fast-tracked the case. My nephews ended up picking up garbage, and doing work around several local parks. And the man directing them I heard was a retired drill sergeant. So they had no fun whatsoever. My eldest nephew constantly showed his issues with authority, and got into screaming matches with everyone who told him to work. His father had to be called over just to make the boy pick up a rake. The kid openly blamed me for his predicament, and his brothers were both initially on his side. But after a while they realized that he's just crazy and entitled, and they no longer want any part of it. So my two younger nephews stopped following his lead because it finally clicked just how in the wrong they were.
Problem is that my sister and BIL blamed me for the divide in their family, which didn't end well for them as no one in the family was on their side about it. Everything was put on them and their bad parenting. And without me to blame, they just became silent and bitter. Half the family don't want to associate with them, and now their own kids are divided because the eldest refuses to change. It got so bad that my eldest nephew resorted to something so incredibly dumb that you're not gonna want to believe it. In the middle of the night he sneaked out and assaulted my house with a pair of his dad's claw hammers. I say a pair because he literally had one in each hand. The first thing he did was start smashing the new lock on my shed, and it didn't break. But he heavily damaged it to the point it was no longer usable and I had to later remove it with bolt cutters. He also did a lot of damage to the shed door with the hammer's claws. I awoke to the sounds of the hammers, and called the police after peeking out my bedroom window and seeing someone outside hitting the shed. Though I didn't realize it was him at first because he had his face covered with a creepy looking mask. He saw the bedroom lights come on and chucked one of the hammers through my window. There was broken glass everywhere, and I'm lucky I didn't cut my feet on any of it because I was barefoot. Then my nephew started beating on my back door with the remaining hammer. He did major damage breaking the knob and the window on the door, and also tore into the door itself with the hammer claw. I was worried the door wouldn't hold out, so I yelled police were on their way, and he took off before they arrived. The night vision on my cameras showed it was him. He had a mask on, but was wearing his school hoodie, as well as his Nike shoes that were also pretty identifiable since his brothers don't have a pair like them. His fingerprints were also on the hammer he threw at my window. My nephews had already all been fingerprinted when they were arrested the first time. So police matched the ones on the hammer to him.
When the cops came for my eldest nephew, he obviously denied it was him. But there's no one else it could have been. The other hammer was found in his room, along with the clothes and mask he wore. All of which were taken as evidence. The mask was of a Star Wars character I was told is called "The Grand Inquisitor". This time though, his parents did nothing to try and protect him. And they didn't try to pass the blame on me either. They just let their son be taken away screaming. I wasn't there to see the arrest. But I was told by my sister that my eldest nephew was switching back and forth from crying that he didn't do anything wrong, to screaming that it was all my fault and he had to get back at me. The boy had to go through a serious mental evaluation, and was found to be potentially bipolar. Doesn't really excuse what he did though. Later on when he was properly diagnosed as bipolar, he started blaming everything he did wrong on that. And acted like he should be vilified just for getting treatment for it. But he ended up having a month long stint in juvenile hall. They got my nephew properly medicated, and he pleaded guilty to forgo court again in exchange for more community service and mandatory counseling, as well as probation this time. His dad came to my house and personally replaced the broken window and door. Though he barely said a word to me while doing it.
My two younger nephews are still excluding their older brother from pretty much everything. And he still hasn't apologized for attacking my home either. He's also unfortunately repeating a school year because of how badly his grades tanked. Which his parents are still very unhappy about. My two younger nephews dropped by on their own in July to personally apologize to me. They said that they always just followed their brother's lead, and he made everything they were doing seem so fun. But the punishments for the crimes are not worth the kind of fun they were having. And they don't want anything to do with it anymore. They want their fun uncle back and asked if we could start over. I said we can, but they'll have to earn back my trust. Which they happily agreed to.
My eldest nephew had his 17th birthday a few months ago, and basically got nothing. Not even a cake. It was part of his punishment for what he'd done. I can only imagine how much money he's cost his parents in the past year alone. He led his brothers to steal from me and then destroyed my bedroom window and back door. I imagine in total with the lawsuit I'd previously filed, and replacing both the door and window cost them over $1000. Doors and windows are not cheap. Meanwhile my youngest nephew had his birthday a month after that, and got a new mountain bike among his gifts. This really upset my eldest nephew and he slashed the tires on the bike with a kitchen knife. Which landed him in even more trouble. I know a thing or two about fixing bikes, so I went out and bought new tubes and tires for the bike, and put them on it. So the bike is fine, and my nephew thanked me a lot for fixing it.
My eldest nephew resorted to trying to run away because he wasn't being enabled anymore. He just walked out, got on his bike with a backpack full of stuff, and rode off. His parents quickly reported him missing because he left a goodbye letter that basically blamed me and his bipolar for all his problems. In the letter he stated that he can't wait till he's 18 to get away from us all. So he was doing us a favor by getting rid of himself sooner. But he came back three days later without his bike or backpack, and looking beat up. He wouldn't tell anyone what happened. We still don't know. But he was chewed out for continuously using me as a scapegoat for his personal issues, because blaming me was the first thing he did after he got back. I didn't make him steal from me, I didn't make him attack my house, I didn't make him run away. That was all him. And he nearly ended up back in juvie for running off because he violated his probation. But he got off easy somehow.
Currently he spends his days pretty much in his room when not in school, or doing chores, or going to counseling. He finished his community service. But his probation will last till he's 18. He got some lenience for being diagnosed as bipolar. But it couldn't get him off the hook. And believe me, he tried many times. Once they told him what was wrong with him, it became his excuse for everything. But plenty of people go their whole lives with that same mental condition and never do the kinds of things he did. I've been mending things with my two younger nephews, but I don't want to be around the eldest at all. And the feeling is clearly mutual on his part. I've only seen him once in person the past few months, and he glared at me with more hate than I've ever seen from anyone before stomping away. He can't paint me as the villain anymore without being called out on it, so there isn't much he can do other than just try and get through this. For the most part he's totally shut down since school started. I'm told he barely speaks, even at school. My other nephews tell me he's getting laughed at and ostracized. Which I don't think is going to help him get better. My sister and BIL are also not on the best terms with me right now as well. But they can't exactly put any blame on me either. They know it was all on them and their bad parenting. I've basically forced them to be more active in their kids' lives. Which they should have been doing already. They complain a lot of being tired from work and keeping an eye on their kids. So whenever we talk as of late, it's always awkward and forced. They don't come to my house, or me to theirs. But we do see each other at my parents' house. And our mother demands we be civil there. Which I have no problem with.
My two younger nephews have regained most of their privileges. They got their TV and video games back. But my eldest nephew isn't allowed on them at all. I'm told he's got some electronic entertainment in his room. But what kind I don't know. I just know he spends most of his time in there unless he has to be somewhere else. My eldest nephew is also not welcome pretty much anywhere in the family anymore. I've recently heard from my parents that they don't even want to see him on Thanksgiving or Christmas Eve this year because they are sick of his behavior and petty thievery. I guess I can understand that. But even I feel it's a bit harsh. My sister and BIL do as well because they are threatening to boycott if he can't come to either holiday. I can't stand that kid, and would not want him in my house either. So I can understand why they've made that decision. But I don't think excluding him from everything and everyone is gonna make him better. It's gonna take a long time for my eldest nephew to mend bridges. If they can even be mended at all. The way things stand, he may try running off again once he's of age. Unless the last time scared him too much to try it again. But hopefully things will get better for him in time if it's not too late to fix his behavior. I may not like him, but he's still my nephew, and I care. But I'm kinda powerless to do anything. So for now the most I can do is just keep my nose out of it and offer support where I can.
**Info from the comments:**
>Redditor: So hes bipolar and his parents were absolute shit until suddenly he gets into trouble. He probably feels like everyone turned their backs on him. I feel terrible for him, honestly. Bipolar, from my understanding, gets really bad right around 16-18 years old. And everyone in the family wrote him off.
>
>OOP: I wouldn't say they wrote him off. More like they just don't want him around this year. They never said the ban extends to next year. My parents just think that if he's not allowed to come, he'll maybe understand after a while that they can ban him again if he doesn't work on getting his behavior in check. Perhaps after some time of medication and counseling, things will get better. At least I hope.
&#x200B;
>From what I know of Bipolar, it has varying degrees of severity. But you also have to take into account that he was also badly spoiled and let do whatever he wanted. I've heard of kids who had no mental problems exhibiting the same behavior just because they were spoiled growing up. Honestly he probably would have been fine if my sister and BIL had actually did their jobs as parents long ago.
&#x200B;
>Redditor: Question. Why did your sister and BIL procreate when they clearly do not want to parent?
>
>OOP: Them procreating isn't really something I like to think about. However, when they first got married, my sister was in the newlywed fog. That's why she pumped out a kid every year for three years. She got pregnant on her honeymoon, and suddenly got the baby-rabies. She started saying for a while that she wanted a lot of kids. But after she had her third, the enthusiasm was gone. That's when she and BIL started just going through the motions as parents.
***Again, not OOP!***
*I'm kinda torn on this one. On the one hand, OOP was absolutely justified in calling the cops, getting their (unsure about gender, hence use of plural) money back, and giving the nephews and their parents some much needed consequences. On the other hand, their attitude towards their nephew's diagnosis ("he probably would have been fine if my sister and BIL had actually did their jobs as parents long ago") seems very influenced by their severe dislike of him, and lacking in compassion to his situation. I really wouldn't want to live in the nephew's head right now, with his own brain going crazy on him, and him feeling abandoned by his entire family, after years of being coddled and enabled - it feels like they should maybe have given him a softer landing, or thrown him a lifeline. Anyway, it was an interesting read!* | Corfiz74 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z405hx/aita_for_wanting_my_sister_to_pay_me_back_for_the/ | z405hx | 18,682 | 4,359 | [
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"2022-11-25T02:04:14" | Thanksgiving Turkey Advice | CONCLUDED | [removed] | Senor_DAnconia | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z40z39/thanksgiving_turkey_advice/ | z40z39 | 9 | 14 | [
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"2022-11-25T03:06:29" | Am I the only person who suffers from this? | ONGOING | [removed] | Something-behindyou | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4281k/am_i_the_only_person_who_suffers_from_this/ | z4281k | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-25T04:18:50" | I like a boy a bunch, should I confess? | NEW UPDATE | [removed] | -CrazyEllie_reddit- | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z43nm1/i_like_a_boy_a_bunch_should_i_confess/ | z43nm1 | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-25T04:23:04" | I like this boy a lot, should I confess? | REPOST | [removed] | -CrazyEllie_reddit- | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z43qjf/i_like_this_boy_a_lot_should_i_confess/ | z43qjf | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-25T10:27:20" | Is it possible to get my Fiancés trust back on deployment | ONGOING | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4a3lw/is_it_possible_to_get_my_fiancés_trust_back_on/ | z4a3lw | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-25T11:49:36" | OOP's ex passes away after divorce, ex's brothers step and care for the kids and intend to pay for their college, OOP's husband doesn't like it | ONGOING | *\*\*I am NOT OOP. Original post by* [*u/NorthStar8378*](https://www.reddit.com/user/NorthStar8378/) *in* [*r/AmItheAsshole*](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/)
*Typo in the title - meant to say step in and care for*
*\*\*Original Post and update in the same link*
*Trigger warnings: >!Verbal Abuse!<*
*Mood spoilers: >!a little infuriating but kids get away safely!<*
&#x200B;
# AITA telling my husband I’m not going to tell my ex-BILs to stop spoiling our daughters? [[LINK - AITA](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ys97jv/aita_telling_my_husband_im_not_going_to_tell_my/)] - November 11, 2022
&#x200B;
My ex and I (44f) divorced when our daughters (Stacy 17f and Emily 14f) were young. About a year after the divorce, he passed away. My ex was paying child support but that stopped the day he died. The girls inherited their father’s estate but since he was fresh into his career, it wasn’t much. Things could have been rough as a single mother but his brothers stepped into his shoes.
They took the girls on the weekends and basically bought the girls anything they needed from clothing to school supplies and bought our groceries. They also indulged the girls’ every whim. Stacy loved horses when she was little so uncle John paid for her lessons and riding fees. Emily thought she wanted to play the piano so uncle Jeff paid for her lessons and bought her a piano. When the girls grew out of those phases and got interested in something else, their uncles were there ready to indulged them. I tried talking to the uncles about not spoiling my girls but they said that their nieces needed to explore their own interests and those explorations will help their brain developments. I disagree but was not in a financial situation to push too hard because they were paying so much for the girls, I was basically responsible for only the rent.
I later remarried a wonderful man who brought 2 kids into the family. We had 1 more kid together and things are good for the most part. However kids are smart so my daughters’ step and half siblings started to notice their sisters having more experiences and things than they do. My husband didn’t like the situation and we had some arguments about it over the years. Things came to a boiling point recently when we were discussing how to pay for our two oldest kids’ colleges (Stacy and her step brother Rick 18m). Both are good students and while they haven’t gotten their acceptance letters, I have no doubt they’ll get into good schools.
My husband and I make enough money to live a middle class lifestyle with 5 kids but not enough to put them through college. The reality is that they’ll have to take out school loans. We talked to both of them about loans and this is when I found out Stacy had already talked to her uncles and they’re paying for her tuition and cost of living wherever she wants to go. This floored us and made my husband extremely mad. He got red and started to scream how it’s not fair Stacy and Emily will get to go to expensive colleges and graduate with no loans while our other kids will have to go to state schools and take out loans. He wanted me to call John and Jeff to tell them to stop spoiling the girls. On one hand I agree 100% with my husband that it’s not fair to my other kids but on the other hand I can’t hold my daughters back from something so wonderful.
In the end, I told my husband I’m not going to tell my ex-BILs to stop spoiling our daughters. Was I wrong to tell him that?
&#x200B;
*Verdict: Not the Asshole*
&#x200B;
# Update in the same post - November 11/12, 2022
&#x200B;
Update - thank you all for reading my post and answering my question. Things have gone downhill and I’m now crushed.
I was at work and without my knowledge, my husband called John and yelled at him to mind his own business, told him we don’t want their money, and to stay out of our lives. My husband then went and yelled at the girls as they packed their bags and as they were leaving for their uncle’s. When I got home, my husband wanted to call the police to report them as runaways but I talked him out of it. I went over to John’s house and his wife led me to the kitchen where we stood in silence watching John holding my girls while they cried. For a minute, I pictured their father holding them. Stacy and Emily refused to talk to me when they walked pass me on their way upstairs to their room. John and I had a long conversation about the whole situation. He basically told me he’s doing what his brother couldn’t and both me and my husband can go to hell if we don’t like it. He said the girls should stay with him and his family until things calm down and I agreed. So this is where we are for now.
Also to answer some common questions:
1. My husband makes less money than I do so he’s been unable to save up college tuition.
2. His ex is still in the picture and have visitation rights. She makes less money than him so have nothing saved up much less tuition.
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
*\*\*Reminder - I am not the original poster* | ShakeThatTushy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4bhvc/oops_ex_passes_away_after_divorce_exs_brothers/ | z4bhvc | 5,152 | 8,812 | [
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"2022-11-25T13:05:33" | OOP's ex-wife who cheated on him, wants to be with him in the last days of her life. | CONCLUDED | [removed] | Nihilist_D | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4cxrh/oops_exwife_who_cheated_on_him_wants_to_be_with/ | z4cxrh | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-25T13:22:46" | I regret leaving my wife for my GF. I don't know if I have the right to ask her to take me back NEW UPDATE | NEW UPDATE | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4dadh/i_regret_leaving_my_wife_for_my_gf_i_dont_know_if/ | z4dadh | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-25T13:23:46" | I regret leaving my wife for my GF. I don't know if I have the right to ask her to take me back | CONCLUDED | [removed] | littlejbean | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4db3r/i_regret_leaving_my_wife_for_my_gf_i_dont_know_if/ | z4db3r | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-25T13:28:53" | I regret leaving my wife for my GF. I don't know if I have the right to ask her to take me back | NEW UPDATE | [removed] | littlejbean | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4deux/i_regret_leaving_my_wife_for_my_gf_i_dont_know_if/ | z4deux | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-25T13:42:24" | OOP's mom kicks OOP's younger brother out, he wants to crash with OOP, she is not comfortable with it | CONCLUDED | *\*\*I am NOT OOP. Original post by* [*u/Handsome\_Trans*](https://www.reddit.com/user/Handsome_Trans/) *in* [*r/AmItheAsshole*](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/)
&#x200B;
*\*\*Original Post and update in the same link*
*Trigger warnings:* >!Theft, fear of violence!<
*Mood spoilers:* >!OOP manages to kick brother out!<
&#x200B;
# AITA for not letting my brother permanently stay with me after our mom kicked him out? [[LINK - AITA](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yr1shf/aita_for_not_letting_my_brother_permanently_stay/)] - November 09, 2022
&#x200B;
I (18f) is the oldest of 3, I have a twin brother and another who is 16 (im going to call him Matt (his nickname) during this).
I have my own appartement with my fiancée (18m) since we graduated highschool (1 years ago). My appartement is situated downtown and there is a lot of busses since it's also next to my school and a highschool.
My twin brother lives with his best friend in another city and Matt was living with my mother until today. (My dad divorced my mom when my youngest brother was 3 and we never talked to him again)
Matt was always a bit of a delinquent and would always direspect everything and everyone. My mom never did anything about it. But earlier today my mon caught him smoking and drinking in his room. She kicked him out because of it and he only had the time to get a bag of essential. (He can go back to get all of his things later).
Matt decided to come to my appartement by bus and I let him in. I was wearing a sport bra/top and a pair of basketball shorts, It's my favorite outfit and I wear it a lot. After we talked for a bit I decided to let him stay the night and told him we would talk more tomorrow since I needed to take care of my fiancée who got into an minor accident a couple days ago.
While I was walking to my room he yelled to me how I shouldn't wear such things because it made me looked like an "easy girl". I got really mad but decided to not say anything.
I took care of my fiancée for a bit before going back into the living room and finding my brother eating and making a mess all over my couch while listening to his show really loud. I was getting even more annoyed and decided to tell him my terms in the moment instead of waiting.
I told him if he wanted to stay I can't let him stay free like that and I don't get money since he dropped out of highschool. I told him I give him 1 month to find a job and he needs to sleep on the couch and he can only brings his clothes since we don't have place for the rest of his things and that in 1 year I want him gone.
He told me I can't kick him out or force him to do anything especially when he needs to sleep on the couch, like he said "like a dirty dog" and then he called our mom who is for stupid reasons on his side and she started calling me a selfish b\*tch.
I think I might be the AH for potentially kicking him out since he is my brother but I'm not his caretaker or legal guardian, I don't have time, energy or money to deal with him.
&#x200B;
*Verdict: Not the Asshole*
&#x200B;
# Update in the same post - November 14/15, 2022
&#x200B;
Update:
First, I wanted to say that everything is alright now, as some suggested I went no contacts with my mom and my brother also, I wanted to thank everyone for their help, informations and wishes that I received.
After the original post, I went to work the Friday and my fiance was still at out appartement. During my lunch break I called my landlord to ask to put on cameras.
He said yes and I told my fiance that he said yes (the landlord) so he (my fiance) instal cameras in the evening after I went to buy some
Saturday my fiance and me needed to leave because he had a doctor appointment so that meant my brother would be alone with my cat
In the bathroom the camera was placed so we could only see the pharmacy and nothing else
My brother was not aware of the cameras and it's not illegal, we saw him take the pills in it and he took the pregnancy test I was hiding (nobody knew about it)
When we got back I told him he had a day to leave and for him and our mom to not contact me again or I'll call the police on him
Of course he had to talk to our mom and I got spammed of messages of her insulting me and other things I can't say here and my fiance decided to call the police
I called my twin and me and my bf locked ourself in our room waiting for the police to arrive because I couldn't face my brother and I was scared for us and what he could do
When they arrive my fiance went and explained everything to them, we showed them proof, the cameras, the texts, and I decided to put a restraining order on my mother because the texts she sent
My brother is now on the waiting list for a child center, I went no contact with them
When my brother arrived (around 1h30 later) I explained everything to him and had a breakdown, I could hear my fiance and brother talking in the living room after I went to my bedroom and they were really mad but I'm thankful that they are ready to defend me so much and how my fiance interacted with the whole situation made me feel safe.
Thank you everyone for the tips, calling the police and going no contacts really helped me calmed my nerves
And for the one who sent me dm's asking about my pregnancy I'm starting my 5th week and when my fiance learned it he was really happy
This was written Monday, I took Sunday to relax and today I had work and needed time to process everything
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
*\*\*Reminder - I am not the original poster* | ShakeThatTushy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4dou6/oops_mom_kicks_oops_younger_brother_out_he_wants/ | z4dou6 | 5,671 | 4,129 | [
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"2022-11-25T15:19:55" | OOP asks if he is TA for leaving his half-brother's wedding early where he was the best man | CONCLUDED | *\*\*I am NOT OOP. Original posts by* [*u/throwaway-7772552*](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwaway-7772552/) *and* [*u/groomthrowawayy*](https://www.reddit.com/user/groomthrowawayy/) *in* [*r/AmItheAsshole*](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/) *feat.* [*u/organized-chaos11*](https://www.reddit.com/user/organized-chaos11/)
&#x200B;
*\*\*Original Post and update in the same link*
*Trigger warnings:* >!parental manipulation / neglect!<
&#x200B;
# AITA for leaving my half-brother's wedding early even though I was the best man? [[LINK - AITA](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yq0hoe/aita_for_leaving_my_halfbrothers_wedding_early/)] - November 11, 2022
&#x200B;
English isn't my first language so sorry for any mistakes!
Quick backstory: I (27M) am a result of a one night stand. My mom already had 4 kids from her deceased husband before I came along. She has never liked me, and always treated me like garbage. I used to live with my birth father in (the country where he's from) until I moved with my mom when I was 16. It was her life mission to make me miserable. But I moved out when I was 18 to go to college.
Now, here's the situation. I have three half-brothers (30M. 35M. 47M.) my (35M) brother was the one getting married. When I lived with my mom, he was nice to me when he visited, the other two absolutely despised me.
I haven't spoken to him much in the last years, but to my surprise, he asked me to be the best man at his wedding, I agreed because he was the only good thing about my miserable childhood.
The day of the wedding was the first time I saw my mom and other half-siblings in the last 9 years. They still don't like me.
After I've given my best man speech, I stayed with my fiancée for most of the wedding, since I barely knew MY family let alone the bride's. When I was standing alone my mom approached me and started talking down to me, I was used to it so I just let her talk her talk. Until she said that my brother only asked me to be the best man because he got in a huge fight with the other two over who gets to be the best man, so he asked me just to spite them, and that I wasn't even getting invited in the first place.
I was more hurt than I expected, then asked him if it was true. He said yes guiltily and kept apologizing, saying he was glad I was there. I was still furious so I excused myself and left with my fiancée, but then he texted me a day later saying I'm an asshole for leaving, and that everyone kept questioning why I left, also saying I ruined the wedding for him.
I kind of feel bad now, maybe I overreacted. So, AITA?
&#x200B;
*Verdict: Not the Asshole*
&#x200B;
*OOP's brother makes his own post after seeing OOP's post*
&#x200B;
# AITA for making my half brother my best man to piss off my other siblings then telling him he ruined my wedding? [[LINK - AITA AutoMod](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ysgs4r/comment/ivywjgc/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)] November 11, 2022
&#x200B;
Since my half-brother wanted to bring family issues to social media. Here we are.
My brother posted a few days ago about my wedding. Here's the whole story.
I (35M) asked my half-brother (27M) to be the best man at my wedding because I got into a disagreement with my other brothers over who gets to be my best man. I wanted them to be pissed that neither of them stood with me at all. Not even as groomsmen. AH move. I know.
The day of my wedding was great until he left. He gave quite the emotional best man speech. Brought me to tears if I'm being honest.
The family kept approaching him but he's always been shy. He said hi to some of them but he seemed out of his element. I kept trying to stay with him as much as I could. He, my wife, and his fiancée really hit it off. I was glad. When he excused himself to grab some champagne, I saw our mom approach him, and immediately got worried.
I'd already felt horrible about all the stuff he went through when we were younger, and didn't want him to know the real reason why he was the best man. Our mom kept talking to him, but I couldn't hear what she was saying.
He suddenly looked shocked, and asked me if he was only the best man to make our other siblings pissed. I said yes, I'm not the best liar. I kept apologizing and begging him to forgive me. All of this was away from the guests.
I never said he wasn't getting invited. Our mom did. His invite was one of the first to go out.
He didn't make a scene, but he did leave with his fiancée, everyone saw them leaving and kept questioning us why he left, including my wife. I told her the truth and she got very mad at our mom. The whole atmosphere was awkward from that point on.
I did text him after the wedding. I told him he could've just stayed and then we would've chatted later. But he said that he didn't want to talk to me and blocked me.
The real AH is mostly our mom.
Our sister sent me his post and told me to look at the comments, I was getting bashed left and right. I couldn't text him about it so I thought maybe he'll see this. Still think I'm the AH?
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
*Verdict : Brother's account is suspended and official verdict not available but comments are overwhelmingly calling him the asshole*
&#x200B;
# OOP's fiance responds to above post [[Link to removed comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ysgs4r/comment/ivz1pg9/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)] - November 11, 2022
&#x200B;
Let's make something very clear here.
1- You are the asshole. Point blank period. 2- You are definitely a manipulative person.
You know what pisses me off? Assholes who hide behind the "I'm a good guy!" persona. Your other family are all assholes and they don't hide it. But you, you are worse than all of them combined.
how dare you even try to defend yourself after all you did? f off.
(By the way, I'm the (27M)'s fiancée. I made an account when he did just in case he needed my backup.)
(edit: just to make it clear: YTA.)
&#x200B;
# OOP's update in his [original AITA post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yq0hoe/aita_for_leaving_my_halfbrothers_wedding_early/) - November 12, 2022
&#x200B;
so, i actually deleted the app when i was deemed not the AH. But apparently my brother made a whole post about the situation, so i logged in one last time to read it and safe to say everyone made my day. And my incredible fiancée put him in his place. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. To everyone who commented supportive things to me or my fiancée. And to my brother, I hope you find peace in your life, and also a therapist. bless. :)
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
*\*\*Edited to add OOP's fiance's response to the brother's post. Thanks to those who pulled out the links. It is visible in* [*u/organized-chaos11*](https://www.reddit.com/user/organized-chaos11/)*'s profile as it was removed by AITA Mods*
*\*\* Reminder - I am not the original poster* | ShakeThatTushy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4fvp5/oop_asks_if_he_is_ta_for_leaving_his_halfbrothers/ | z4fvp5 | 7,102 | 5,392 | [
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"2022-11-25T17:18:57" | OOP wants to know, "AITA for 'selling out' on my Grandma's secret recipe"? + delicious update | CONCLUDED | [removed] | ChenilleSocks | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4iqeu/oop_wants_to_know_aita_for_selling_out_on_my/ | z4iqeu | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-25T17:30:06" | AITA for not letting my nephew who recently came out live with us after getting kicked out? | REPOST | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/notlettingstay in r/amitheasshole**
trigger warning: >!bullying!<
---
&nbsp;
[**AITA for not letting my nephew who recently came out live with us after getting kicked out?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pm2eht/aita_for_not_letting_my_nephew_who_recently_came/) - 11 September 2021
My nephew “Tyler” is 18, he came out this week and his dad didn’t take it well. My sister asked me if I would let him stay with me until her husband calmed down and let him move back in. I’m not close with my nephew due to past behavior and the fact that he’s been a bully to my son (15m) since they were kids.
That was something we tried working out but Tyler never seemed to learn. Since my sister didn’t do much because of her “boys will be boys” mentality I limited interaction with them. Then last year Tyler antagonized my son on social media. Before that happened my son went through something traumatic that I won’t get into details here but it left him with a lot of anxiety about going out.
He made a celebratory post about going to the grocery store for the first time in months by himself without getting a panic attack. Tyler decided to call him a “pussy”, asked “why is he getting excited about something so stupid and not even a big deal.” I confronted Tyler directly because he knew what my son had experienced. He wasn’t apologetic because according to him he was just jokingly giving him a hard time and didn’t mean it in a bad way.
This time I told my sister Tyler is to stay away from my son completely. This new situation doesn’t change the fact that I don’t want Tyler near him. Even with the promises that he won’t do anything I can’t trust him. He’s done it before when I’m not around until it pushes my son to finally tell me. That’s why I’m apparently being an asshole to him given this difficult and emotional moment he’s going through.
My wife and I said we could pitch in for him to stay somewhere (our other family lives far and he’s still in school) but not in our house. The reason she refuses this is because Tyler needs to be with family at the moment and things are complicated at their house right now. She’s trying to calm things down. But says it could be a long while since her husband doesn’t want him back at all. If things had been different i’d accept him into our home in a heartbeat.
But not if it means putting my son in a position to be bullied. My mom understands how awful Tyler has been to my son, the way he’s tormented him and that we’ve tried to make things work, in this situation she does think I’m not being a good uncle (and an asshole) because of what Tyler is currently going through. That it’s more serious. They’re both on us about this but we have had to say no. Are we being asshole?
Verdict: NTA
&nbsp;
[**Update: AITA for not letting my nephew who recently came out live with us after getting kicked out?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pngx19/update_aita_for_not_letting_my_nephew_who/) - 13 September 2021
Well it appears I have been bamboozled, or almost at least, by my sister and Tyler. My mom claims she had no idea and now she’s angry at them too. Had some time this weekend to have a chat with my BIL (Tyler’s dad) because honestly despite Tyler’s awful behavior I was disgusted at ANY parent disowning their child over their sexuality. I called him to talk, not only to give him a piece of my mind but also understand why he’s even being like this.
Like I said in a previous comment his late brother was gay and he never had a problem with that. It was just a shock to see him have such a strong negative reaction. Or maybe he’d always been secretly against it or now it’s different because it’s his own son I don’t know that’s why I called. He had no idea what I was talking about.
So there really was more to the story than my sister was leading on. Tyler came out to them MONTHS ago and him getting kicked out wasn’t the reason at all. I’m super skeptical about this because to me it seemed like maybe he was trying to play innocent to avoid getting shit on. Until he went and got my sister to tell him exactly what she told me. They got into a fight then my sister finally told me no her husband didn’t kick Tyler out of the house for being gay (since they were aware of it for months)
He got into some trouble at school that he’d lied about and while he was grounded for that Tyler had taken his dad’s car without permission and messed it up. He said it just seemed like one thing after another, especially the way he was acting with their other kids, which was the straw that broke the camels back for him and told Tyler to get out.
After the whole thing I was furious with my sister. She apologized a million times. Her only excuse was she was desperate for Tyler having a place to stay and hoped the whole gay thing would make me reconsider until her husband cooled down and let Tyler come back.
I’ve had a day to calm down, told my mom how my sister lied. Now at least we’re more secure in our decision and don’t feel like assholes at all for not letting him come with us. Tyler is at a friends house now, don’t know if his dad plans to let him move back in but one things certain, he’s not staying here with us at all. Not for what he’s done to my son and especially not after knowing all the reasons why he’s not at his parents anymore. That’s their mess to deal with now. Thanks for your judgement and thoughts Reddit. Just wanted to leave this new bit of info on here.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4j02r/aita_for_not_letting_my_nephew_who_recently_came/ | z4j02r | 5,609 | 12,375 | [
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"2022-11-25T19:08:16" | AITA: I, a female, want to give my fiance my last name, but my father and brother don't want me to. Am I wrong for planning on doing it anyways? | INCONCLUSIVE | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/agirlhasnoname_2 in r/amitheasshole**
---
&nbsp;
[**AITA: I, a female, want to give my fiance my last name, but my father and brother don't want me to. Am I wrong for planning on doing it anyways?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eh8f8j/aita_i_a_female_want_to_give_my_fiance_my_last/) - 29 December 2019
To start, my fiance is willing and happy to take my last name-- he grew up with a horrible father. He has no attachment to his last name and no siblings. I have a very unique last name and a strong attachment to it.
I brought this up to my father and he said wasn't so sure about it, given my brother is the only male in the family who would carry on the name. My brother found out before I could bring it up to him and called me, saying I was being inconsiderate and couldn't believe he hadn't been asked. This got me irritated, because in my opinion, I have just a right to share my name as he did with his wife. He and his wife have been married for over a year and I think they feel possessive about the fact they were the only ones "supposed" to carry on our name.
I think the fact that this is an issue at all is rather sexist. It's my last name too and if I want to give my future husband--who has never had the privilege of feeling like he belongs to a family-- my name, no one should take issue. I have three sisters who aren't yet married, but they shouldn't have to feel bad about giving their name either. I don't feel like I'm being selfish here, but AITA for breaking tradition?
Verdict: NTA
**UPDATE**
Did not expect this to blow up! My father and brother are amazing people and husbands—I think they were caught off guard by my thinking more than anything else. I’ve let it go for now, but will bring it up again simply to explain my thinking and I believe they will understand. They are rational, empathetic human beings, if a little old school sometimes :)
As for my fiancé— he is absolutely amazing and all my family approves . When I originally brought up keeping my last name, he was the one who suggested taking mine as well. He’s perfectly secure in his masculinity for all those wondering lmao.
Thank you for all the encouragement! My fiancé and I will be rocking our kickass last name soon enough.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4le79/aita_i_a_female_want_to_give_my_fiance_my_last/ | z4le79 | 2,354 | 3,913 | [
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"2022-11-25T20:15:19" | OP Accidentally Trained Her Cat To Be An Eating Disorder Support Pet (July 2021 TrueOffMyChest) | CONCLUDED | Originally posted by u/moonchild_86 in r/TrueOffMyChest on April 12, '21, updated on July 19, '2.
Trigger Warning: Eating Disorder
Mood Spoiler: >!Heartwarming & Positive!<
[Original post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/mpi934/i_accidentally_trained_my_cat_to_be_an_eating/)
I accidentally trained my cat to be an eating disorder support pet...
I'm feeling guilty today.
I've had this cat for 3 years now. My Ed got significantly worse about 2 1/2 years ago.
At first, I didn't even realise what she was doing. I had a problem with purging for a long time... She would get between me and the toilet, demanding attention and fuss, while I cried. She would sniff my face and lick it, making it impossible to purge. If I locked her out of the bathroom, she would meow so loudly that I'm sure the neighbors heard.
I finally managed to stop purging last year after recovering and relapsing a few times. The lockdowns have been really difficult, and not being able to go to the gym hasn't helped.
A couple of months ago, my cat stopped eating. She got so skinny, she was really underweight. Vets couldn't find anything wrong, I hadn't changed her food, there was no reason for it.
I'm not sure how it happened... One day, I decided to have breakfast, too. So I sat down with my food and put her bowl next to me. And she finally ATE... I did the same at lunch time. And again, she actually ate.
The same the next day. And the next.
We've been doing it for a while now. She's still underweight, but she's getting there.
I wake up at 7am every day. We have breakfast at 9/9.30. I need those couple of hours to build up to breakfast.
I slept really badly last night. I woke up at 9.10, and I just couldn't do it. Lunch is at 12, I just couldn't eat.
I put Lily's food down by me. She stared at me. Stared at her bowl. Stared at me again. Then walked away.
I'm heartbroken that I couldn't do it for her. She needed me to eat and I let her down...
She finally ate at lunchtime. I had a sandwich. She kept glancing at me, pausing for me to continue before she would eat more.
People say we don't deserve animals.
I don't deserve this cat. She is saving my life, quite literally, and I don't think anyone appreciates or understands how incredible that is.
It's also absolutely terrifying. I don't deserve this cat...
UPDATE
I was trying to reply to everyone, but this took off a whole lot more than I thought it would... I can't believe the awards from everyone, the comments and likes, but most importantly, the massive amounts of support from everyone... Thank you for sharing your stories, your pets, your support, encouragement, and your belief in us to get better. I'm absolutely overwhelmed and I really wish I could thank you all personally ❤️
Please know that I'm reading every comment and will try to reply but I do have therapy today so it may take a while.
Also, we've just had breakfast... Lily had chicken and duck, I had granola and yogurt ❤️
[For those who have asked to see a picture](https://www.reddit.com/r/aww/comments/mpcus4/pretty_girl_with_a_blep/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
*Eta, in case that link isn't working:*
https://i.redd.it/vshzofa7lqs61.jpg
Update July 19, '21:
[Lily and I are both a healthy weight now finally ❤️](https://www.reddit.com/r/MadeMeSmile/comments/ond54f/for_anyone_who_remembers_my_previous_post_will/)
Lily was actually cleared at the vets a few weeks ago but I wanted to wait... Last week was my last eating disorder therapy appointment! So now we have both been cleared... I've also managed to get Lily eating on her own. We both eat regularly but now she doesn't wait for me to start eating first...
I just wanted to update everyone and say thank you so much for your support. It's been more appreciated than you'll ever know ❤️ | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4n0fc/op_accidentally_trained_her_cat_to_be_an_eating/ | z4n0fc | 3,884 | 20,139 | [
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"2022-11-25T21:41:17" | My sister invited her boyfriend to spend the night in my bridal suite. | CONCLUDED | [removed] | ImageNo1045 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4p2ep/my_sister_invited_her_boyfriend_to_spend_the/ | z4p2ep | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-25T23:15:10" | OOP and her husband resolve their resentment | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4rc5q/oop_and_her_husband_resolve_their_resentment/ | z4rc5q | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-25T23:38:09" | My husband who has been parenting my daughter for 10 years doesn't want to adopt her after she asked him to be her dad for real and I don't know what to do about our marriage. | REPOST | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/low-watch-8193 in r/marriage**
---
&nbsp;
[**My husband who has been parenting my daughter for 10 years doesn't want to adopt her after she asked him to be her dad for real and I don't know what to do about our marriage.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/qh9tr4/my_husband_who_has_been_parenting_my_daughter_for/) - 28 October 2021
I had a child when I was 16 and I am not with her father and quite honestly don't know where he is. He wanted nothing to do with my daughter. When she was 6, I met my current husband. He promised me he loved her and would treat her like his own, and he seems like he has. We have more kids together. It was her 16th birthday last week and she told me that she wanted her stepdad to adopt her! I thought this was a great idea and he has always been her dad anyways. He said yes and there were a lot of happy tears, and my younger kids were happy. It was one of the happiest moments of my life.
That night he told me we had to talk. He told me that he did love her, but not the same and he felt a bit weird adopting her because he felt like it would be a disservice to her to have a dad who didn't love her like his other kids. He told me that he wanted to talk to her about it and say that she could definitely take the last name if she wanted but that he couldn't adopt her and that he felt bad about it, but it wouldn't be fair to anyone. He said he knows we are a package deal and would always treat her well and like a part of the family but he couldn't be her dad. He told me he was sorry and he felt guilty and that he would take care of it and I didn't have to.
My heart never hurt more in that moment and I genuinely feel like I have failed my daughter. I told him I didn't want him to speak to her about it, and that if clearly doesn't think of her as his kid than it my job as a parent to take care of her. I don't know what to do. Do I ask for a divorce. I've felt sick, dizzy, and numb all week. How do I tell my daughter? I don't know what to do.
And please don't tell me that stepparents don't have to love their stepkids the same because my daughter doesn't have a father and considers my husband to be her dad. He has helped raise her and disciplined her, and shared her best and worst moments with her. I have never felt so terribly about something in my life. Please help. I think I want a divorce.
edit: my daughter said she wasn’t feeling well so she stayed home from school. She asked us if her “dad” actually wanted to adopt her or if he was pretending to because she said he’s been avoiding her ever since she asked. He hugged her and kissed her and told her he loves her so much but needed to talk to her. They are on a drive right now. I pray he doesn’t tell her the truth.
&nbsp;
[**update: My husband who has been parenting my daughter for 10 years doesn't want to adopt her after she asked him to be her dad for real and I don't know what to do about our marriage.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/qkufhy/update_my_husband_who_has_been_parenting_my/) - 2 November 2021
Everyone was helpful. I know a lot of people told me divorce but I am going to try fix things first. I don't want my oldest to feel like its all her fault, younger kids to resent her, snd I am scared he wouldn't want to see her anymore. We are going to marriage counseling. I am looking for a therapist for my daughter. I let my husband talk to her because I felt like I should give them that and trusted that he wouldn't be stupid. They went on a drive. Don't know what was said exactly but they are both upset. I am going to use fake names to make it easier.
My daughter stopped calling my husband dad and calls him Mike now if she even speaks/looks at him. He seems upset by it but I don't know what to tell him. Isn't it what he wanted? My girl has been very quiet and tired and I told her to stay home from school for a few days but she didn't want to.
My other daughter asked us, "Why is Hannah calling daddy, Mike? Is he not her daddy anymore? Does that mean she isn't my sister?" I corrected her and my husband looked horrified but I once again didn't know what to say to him. I've been calling her "your sister" instead of Hannah when I talk about her and I hope it help.
Once again, thank you. I'm exhausted as a mom and a wife but I am the glue right now and I am doing my best to make the marriage work and to be a good mom.
edit: I see I made the wrong choice. I am telling my husband he better fix it. I will start getting my stuff in order and looking for lawyers
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4rvkc/my_husband_who_has_been_parenting_my_daughter_for/ | z4rvkc | 4,649 | 22,592 | [
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"2022-11-26T00:07:13" | OOP and her husband resolve their resentment | INCONCLUSIVE | *\*\*I am NOT OOP. Original posts by*[ ](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwaway-7772552/)u/throwRAcabin6yr *in* r/relationship_advice
*Trigger warnings:* >!manipulative MIL, unresolved sexual issues, emotional abuse!<
This one is long, but the work OOP (35F) and her husband(35M) put into working through their issues makes it a good read.
&#x200B;
[First post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/siwss3/husband_35m_and_i35f_have_ongoing_resentment_that/) Feb 02, 2022
This happened a few months ago but the issue is not resolved and I need advice on what to do about this now. We have two kids, 4 and 3 years old, and have been together for eight years. We both work and our lives have been the typical stress of working full time jobs while managing two little ones. My husband is good about doing his share of chores and is a great father to our kids, but has been complaining about how our sex lives have become dull and boring.
For our 6th anniversary, I thought I'd surprise him with a vacation. I saved up slowly for the better part of the year to rent a mountainside vacation home for 4 nights. It was gorgeous and isolated and had amenities like jacuzzi and pool and outdoor showers and a lot of things that would help fulfill some of the fantasies my husband has. I spend a lot on expensive wine and drinks that we both would love. I made arrangements for sitters for my kids and then told him about the trip so he could plan time off from work and travel.
We got there and on the first night just as we were getting into some hot sex, my in laws showed up. My MiL came with my SiL and BiL and also my teenage SIL. She said that since we had a big place with so many rooms there was place for everyone. I was shocked and couldn't even say anything. My husband was shocked too but he helped my MiL pick a room and set up her stuff there. I was so upset I took my glass of wine and spend an hour crying in the bath tub while my husband stayed with his family.
I woke up early next morning to find that they had finished off most of the very pricey alcohol stash I had bought for the stay. I went on a long hike and when I got back early afternoon everybody was still asleep. My husband was up and he apologized to me and suggested we have a quickie before we went down to make breakfast for everyone. Which just made me angry, so he went on his own to cook and I packed up all of my stuff and got in our car and left. I had left him behind with his stuff.
He called me many times but I ignored the phone till I finished the three hour drive to our home and then texted him to let him know where I was. He was upset and wanted to come home right away but MiL wanted to enjoy the vacation and since she was his ride, he was stuck there for another two nights and finally came home on the day of our anniversary. I spend that day with my kids and friends and ignored him.
My husband was furious with me for abandoning him and we had multiple fights over this issue. My SIL and BIL send me a text of apology saying they didn't realize it was our anniversary and MIL led them to believe it was a spontaneous vacation for everyone.
My husband also apologized for their coming over but said that that big a house was too much for us anyway and we got more bang for our buck since more family members got to use the empty rooms. That hurt my feelings more because it was my hard earned money that I spend to make his sex fantasies true. When I said this he argued back that all he wants to do is be able to fuck his wife whenever without me trying to make a big production out of everything. This argument has just killed my attraction towards him.
I feel like he likes to complain and wish for things but doesn't actually want to make the effort to make them happen if its in any way inconvenient. That he wants me to make his life easy but doesn't prioritize my feelings. That maybe unfair of me to think so because he does so much for our family but my view has become discolored by this event.
He wants us both to apologize to each other and put this behind, but I am unable to let it go. I do want to fix this though and I need help figuring out how to approach this.
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[Second post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/skx4jp/update_husband_35m_and_i35f_have_ongoing/) Feb 04, 2022
This is an update and a vent.
I got some good advice in my last post and some people had pointed out how me leaving him behind could've upset my husband. So when I had our discussion with him again I started by acknowledging that my leaving like that put him in a difficult place. I explained to him why it hurt my feelings that he'd let his family take over the vacation that I had planned and arranged for our anniversary.
He explained that when my in laws showed up, he was embarrassed of me and for me. Before we left on our trip, I had send him the booking details. He called MiL to inform her we'd be out of town for a few days and she asked for details and he forwarded her our reservation info. MiL looks at it and says this is such a big house how many people are going to be there. She couldn't believe I'd get this place for just the two of us and said that is just like me to be so wasteful.
When they showed up, husband says he welcomed them in, so this wouldn't become another reason for them to make fun of me. He claims he was trying to protect me. If I had a good time with them and cooked for them, they'd like me better. I didn't know this, but apparently I am a running joke in his family. In his opinion, the jokes are not without basis because he thinks I do spend too much.
When we were newly married, he got an opportunity for a big contract at work. The prospective clients were very rich folks that he had to wine and dine and present to and he was pretty nervous about that. I thought I'd help him by organizing his wardrobe for the meetings. I researched men's fashion, bought a few nice things and thrifted a few expensive brands, commissioned a tailor for alterations and redid a chunk of his professional wardrobe. His firm got the contract and he got a huge bonus and he showered me with gifts and thanked me for making him look so nice and boosting his confidence. At that time I was still trying to get in my MiL's good graces so I showed off my work to her. MiL laughed at me saying that some girls don't outgrow the doll dressing phase and I was treating husband like my Ken doll. MiL tells the story with her spin to their family and it becomes a joke that I play dressup with my husband. Husband has forgotten how much he'd liked what I did but remembers his mom's version that I went on a shopping spree.
One time husband got the opportunity to chair an important celebratory dinner for his firm's clients. On his behalf I put together personalized gifts for more than a dozen guests. I pulled this off while pregnant and handling a baby so I did all my shopping online. We both were super busy and the recycling had piled up. MiL took a picture of boxes from department stores and used it in stories about my shopping addiction. Again, husband doesn't remember the work I did, but brings up that picture to tell me that I do spend too much.
He would critique me that I need more stamina in the bedroom, so I started Pilates. He brought up that I used to be more flexible, so I took up yoga. I ended up exacerbating my back problems from my two pregnancies and saw a physical therapist who recommended strength training. Not wanting to risk hurting myself again, I hired a personal trainer. That is another joke to them, that I am a flighty extravagant person flitting from hobby to hobby. Husband now says if I wanna get fit I should've joined a sport, but I throw money at personal trainers.
He had never brought up issues with money before. We don't have debt other than mortgage and he never discussed having a more aggressive savings plan. We both make good money in our careers. But he has developed the view of me that I am spendthrift and shopaholic, without giving credence to my reasoning. I know he loves his mother but finds her immature and so he manages her. He is putting me in similar view frames and thinks he is indulging and managing me. There is a lack of respect for my ability to do things with a good reason and a very condescending attitude towards me.
After our lengthy arguments when he couldn't build a valid case for why my spending is to be criticized he brings up again why I'd rent such a big place for our vacation. I spelled it out that the point wasn't the size of the house, but that it was on private land, away from public hiking trails, had a large heated pool and a jacuzzi. For years he's been harping about wanting outdoor sex. Every time we are on a hike, he wants to do something outdoors. Anytime we are at a pool he talks about his pool sex fantasy. But I am a very private person, the very opposite of an exhibitionist and that's something I would never be comfortable with. So I thought making that happen for him in a very secluded setting would be a nice gift. Turns out he never was into outdoor sex, he'd say that just to make me uncomfortable. He claims he was merely flirting, to get a rise out of me. But I think it was his way of making me feel like I was lacking, to keep me on my toes. He would bring up his desires for different sex acts and I wanted to make him happy so much and so we did everything that can be done in the privacy of a bedroom. Then he figured what was my absolute limit and that he could complain about. No wonder he never got the point of my gift because that wasn't something he wanted. My not being able to do something was more valuable to him.
I loved this guy so much and worked so hard for him and our family and meanwhile he was trying to manage me and play me. All those feelings of love have turned to dust. I know what I want to do now, but I am not sure what the right moves are. I've started therapy and I need to think long about what would be best for my kids. I think he's a great father to them, but then I used to think he was an awesome husband.
[Third post](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwRAcabin6yr/comments/t871o8/update2_husband_35m_and_i35f_have_ongoing/) March 06, 2022
I am mostly writing this down to note what has happened since my last post. I don't have a question so not posting it to the RA subreddit.
I have spent the past month focused on myself and my therapy. I did talk to two different divorce lawyers and I have a good idea of what to expect if I were to pursue divorce.
About a week after my last update I talked to my husband about separating our finances. He was shocked and unhappy that I am taking these steps. I reminded him that how I spent money has become a big issue for him so this ought to make him happy. It didn't.
I have moved my paychecks and savings into a new account at a different bank. I offered to him that we split the house payments and bills 50-50. Though he makes a lot more than me, I do make more than enough. He said he disagrees on the separating finances and he's not going to make a move on that. He isn't taking me out of what are now his accounts. Since I am the one who usually makes the bill payments, he wants me to continue handling that.
He still feels that I am blowing up a minor issue. I admitted to him that I have talked to divorce attorneys to see what my options are and that shook him up. He was pretty angry with me and very hurt and that did make me feel bad. He wants us to go to marriage counseling and I want that too.
The situation with my MIL isn't getting any better. I didn't give a background on that the last few posts I made, but MIL has become a bigger issue since FIL passed away two years ago. She was always difficult and didn't like me from the start, but things have become much worse since she lost her husband. We have a spare guest room and she'd frequently come and stay the night if she ever got into any minor argument with FIL. She has keys to our house and would just show up and sleep in the guest room as if it were her room in our house. These overnight stays became more frequent since FIL passed. She mostly spends time with my older SIL and has moved next to her and practically lives with her, but when she gets upset there, she'll come sleep at our place.
Now along with separating finances, I had decided to move out of the master bedroom into the guest room. Husband is not happy about it because he doesn't want me to leave. MIL is pissed that I have taken over what she thinks as her room. She wants me in the kids room instead. Since this is my house too, that is not happening. She has had many tantrums about me living in "her" room. Husband has asked her to knock it off and told her to give us space while we deal with our issues. He's asked her not to come to our house unless invited and that brought on a new storm.
She came by a couple days ago while husband was at work and told me she's looking forward to me leaving. She told me about women she's lining up as potential dates for my husband as soon as he starts dating and how they are so much better than me. She mentioned two of her family friend's single daughters, Amy and Beth (fake names) who've always had a crush on my husband according to her. I know these women, they are nice, I've nothing against them and I could only roll my eyes at her trying to make me jealous. I told her Amy is very pretty, but husband is an ass man so she should go with Beth and I got such a kick out of the shocked look on her face. Later, when husband came home, he wanted to know why his Mom is telling everyone that I admitted to being a lesbian. I could hardly breath, I was laughing so hard. Told him what his Mom was saying and he was pretty pissed. He called and yelled at her and has banned her from our house, so at least I have that going for me.
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[Fourth (final) post](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwRAcabin6yr/comments/vy5z4r/update3_husband_35m_and_i35f_have_ongoing/) \- July 13, 2022
Husband and I have come to an agreement about our future and I am writing this down for you awesome people who have commented and helped me.
We went through marriage counseling and individual therapy, for both. A lot of issues with regards to how we communicate were brought up. We had been drifting apart for the past two years and a lot of it was due to FIL passing away and MIL, who had completely relied on him, clinging on to my husband. Then there were issues with work and stress of managing two very young kids.
While we addressed many issues in counseling the two main were MIL's interference and our sex life. Regarding MIL, husband has been dealing with a lot of guilt and frustration. He was close to FIL and devoted to him but disliked his mom. After his Dad's passing he felt like he had to take on his responsibilities, something that MIL guilted him into about, and one of the major responsibilities is managing MIL. And MIL's whole personality lately has become fixated on me. It's non stop all the ways that I am wrong and she's smart enough to be both subtle and overt about it with everyone. She's been relentless and I have no idea what she's got against me that she'd go so far and work so hard to put me down. I suppose husband has been continuously exposed to it so much that what she says has become reality to him.
Regarding our sex life, husband was both flabbergasted and upset that I am now seeing his "criticisms" as abuse. He explained that he's always been very happy with our sex life. Early on in our relationship he found that if he ever said something about hey lets try this, I'd sit and analyze our fun times and he found that a major turn on. I am an analytical person by nature and its practically my job to evaluate and write reports and recommendations. It became like a kink for him to watch me do a detailed discussion with him post sex. He did not realize how much effort I was putting into this because to him it was just a fun thing we did.
None of this made me happy with him and the realizations from counseling made me feel that I won't be happy in this marriage. We were living as roommates in the same house and I had stopped doing a lot of stuff I used to do for him, both at home and with regard to his work travel and work social engagements.
For his part, he did acknowledge that he had been unfair to me and he had become so used to me doing everything that he had been taking it all for granted. Then he proposed to me that we start all over again, stay married but start dating each other again and rebuild our relationship from the ground up. He managed his work situation so that he can elect to relocate to a new place, about 8 hours away from where we live and we restart everything together without family influence.
I agreed to that, but I was skeptical about whether he'd move and leave MIL behind. When she found out about the possible relocation she blew up and tried hard to get husband to change his mind and stay close to her. Even SIL came to talk to me to convince him to stay because otherwise MIL was losing her mind and it'd become a much bigger challenge for her.
We did move though and husband has kept his word and things have been pretty nice with him for the past couple weeks. Since I work remotely, moving wasn't a problem with my job. I am going to stay out of putting effort into his career though and focus on mine instead. Other than my own full time job and being a parent who does most of the work and managing the house, I was also doing stuff like his damn PA and I am so over that. Husband has been very supportive with everything and is making more of an effort to be the one who plans things with kids and dates with me.
&#x200B;
ETA - Recent updates from OOP in comments:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/undefined/comments/vy5z4r/comment/ixt0s7f/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/undefined/comments/vy5z4r/comment/ixt0s7f/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
[https://www.reddit.com/r/undefined/comments/vy5z4r/comment/ixug9aq/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/undefined/comments/vy5z4r/comment/ixug9aq/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
&#x200B; | rotfang-conspiracy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4sjv8/oop_and_her_husband_resolve_their_resentment/ | z4sjv8 | 18,377 | 6,217 | [
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"2022-11-26T02:18:20" | OP 'Pretends To Be Missing' To Teach Her Dad A Lesson (AITA Nov 12, '22) | ONGOING | Originally posted by u/Kindly_Confidence_82
in r/AmItheAsshole on Nov 12, '22, updated a few times over the next 3 days.
[Original Post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ytafu4/aita_for_pretending_to_be_missing_to_teach_my_dad/)
AITA for pretending to be missing to teach my dad a lesson?
I (16F) attend a private school that I live far away (10 miles) from, so my dad has to give me rides to and from school each day because he doesn’t feel comfortable with me getting rides home from any of my friends’s parents since it could be unsafe (long story). It’s usually okay but this past month has been a nightmare. He’s picked me up from school hours late so many times, even on days where I don't stay after for tutoring and clubs so I get out with the rest of the students. Since it’s almost winter it gets dark out at about 5:30, and my dad knows that my mom doesn’t like me being out alone when it’s dark. She tried talking to him about it two weeks ago, but he told her to just mind her business.
Well, this past Tuesday is where I might be TA. I had a club after school and then tutoring, so I didn’t get ready to leave until 5. As usual, my dad was late. At 5:30 I called and asked where he was, and he told me that he’s still on his way. Another 30 minutes passed and he still wasn’t there, so I called him again, and this time he told me that he’ll get there when he gets there. I got pissed and told him that I could've just gotten a ride home from my friend and her parents if he was gonna not show up when he’s supposed to, that he was a lousy dad for letting me stand in the dark for over an hour while he did whatever, and he blew up on me and told me that if I was so impatient then I should just fucking walk home. So I said fine and hung up. I did actually think about walking home even though it would take me like four hours, but I knew that my dad would see me walking so I just walked to the house of a friend that lived nearby and hung out there for a couple hours. I ended up turning my phone off when I got there so I wouldn’t have to deal with my dad’s BS, and then at 9 my friend’s mom took me home and dropped me off.
As soon as I walked in the door my dad blew up at me, asking me where I was and why I left the school. I told him that I was with a friend and he started screaming at me. When I reminded him that he told me to just walk home when he knew that my mom didn’t like me walking home in the dark, but he told me that I knew he didn’t really mean it and that I was awful for scaring him like that by “pretending to be missing” since I came home hours late with my phone turned off. So now I’m grounded at his house, and even my mom says that even though she agrees that he was out of line, I shouldn’t have scared my dad like that to teach him a lesson. I didn’t even mean to scare him or make him think I’m missing, I just turned my phone off because I didn’t want to get a million texts from him. But I guess I can see why he’d be worried. He’s still not talking to me but I can tell he’s still pissed. AITA?
*More info added in a comment:*
A couple of commenters have said things that I want to clear up:
My dad does not have a job because he has enough money to not work. He’s home 24/7 which is why I get so irritated that he comes late to pick me up.
He does not let me get rides home or go over to my friend’s house after school because an elementary school classmate’s dad got arrested for being a creep.
My mom lives in another town and works until 8.
I have asked to take driver’s training so I can get my license and he said no.
Me and my mom have both told him that being late is more dangerous than getting a ride home. He told my mom to mind her own business and that she only has me on weekends for a reason and he told me to stay in a child’s place.
My dad spam texts me whenever we get into an argument which is part of why I turned my phone off. Once my mom took my phone from me and blocked his number because he wouldn’t stop texting me. I know that I shouldn’t have turned my phone off now and that I was wrong for that, but at the time I just didn’t want to deal with him yelling and swearing at me.
[Small update the same day](https://www.reddit.com/user/Kindly_Confidence_82/comments/ytdobf/small_update_to_my_aita_post/)
After I made this post, I asked my mom if she could call my dad and ask why he kept being late to come and pick me up. They talked for a while, and turns out that he’s been late because he’s been with a new girlfriend. Not on dates or anything romantic like that, they’ve just been hooking up at the house and on his way to pick me up he takes her home.
Well, my mom is mad that he left me alone for hours when he knew that he had to pick me up from school so that he could hook up with some girl, and they got into a huge argument so my mom blocked him. She told me that she’s fed up with my dad. I’m pissed too. This isn’t the first time that my dad has put a girl over me, but this time is different. He doesn’t let me get a ride home or go over to any of my friend’s house because he’s convinced that I could be in danger, but he left me alone for an hour because he was more concerned with getting his dick wet? Fuck no.
I talked to my mom and I’m not going back to his house tomorrow night. Either I’ll skip school this week or she’ll drive me there and let me stay at a friend’s house until she gets off work. I’ll try to update you as the situation develops because I think that my mom is going to try and get custody. Thank you all for the support and the comments, even the rude ones.
[Posted in r/advice ](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/ytipb4/i_16f_am_considering_cutting_off_my_dad_51m_what/)
Hello, I’ve already posted more about this situation in another sub but TLDR: my dad has been late picking me up to school every day for a while, we had a huge fight about it on Tuesday so I went to a friend’s house and turned my phone off, and today me and my mom (45F) found out that the reason he’s been late to get me is because he’s been hooking up with his new girlfriend (20s?according to my mom F) at the house and then dropping her off when he’s on his way to get me. My mom is livid and so am I, and she wants to revisit custody and get full custody over me. I’m not going back to his house for a while even though my mom is supposed to hand me back over tomorrow and I might be kept out of school for the next week.
I’m considering cutting off my dad. When I first made the update to my original post on another sub I was confident that I was, but I’ve been thinking it over more and now I don’t know what to do. My dad is still my dad, even if he’s a bad person, and I do think he loves me even if he yells at me and puts girls over me. But people in the replies of my OP sent links about emotional abuse and I read them and they sound a lot like my dad. I can’t get them out of my head. Should I cut him off? Is there any way that I can mend my relationship with him? Please help
[Last update, 3 days later](https://www.reddit.com/user/Kindly_Confidence_82/comments/ywefnv/update_to_my_previous_posts/)
On Sunday evening my dad came to get me from my mom’s house and when my mom wouldn’t hand me over he threw a fit. He blew up on me telling me that I was a horrible daughter for trying to abandon him for my mom’s house and that I was a useless c**t like my mom and that I needed to learn how much he sacrificed for me. He told me that I was cruel for scaring him last week and then trying to leave him alone because my mom turned me against him. It made me cry a lot to be honest but he did leave eventually after my mom threatened to call the cops. He kept spam texting me all night on Sunday and all day yesterday calling me terrible and saying that he wishes I was aborted because I’m not the same as the daughter he knows but my mom has his number blocked on my phone now and she told me not to unblock it.
I don’t know what’s happening on my mom’s end other than my dad wouldn’t let her in the house when she tried to go over to get my important documents but she told me that she’s going to try and get full custody of me still. Knowing my dad he’ll try to fight to keep custody but since I’m old enough I hope that I can stay with my mom.
I’ve been reading some of the links that I was sent on here and I appreciate the resources. I realize now that a lot of the behaviors that my dad has done qualifies as emotional abuse now but to be honest I have very mixed feelings about all of this. I’m happy to stay with my mom and I want to be here but knowing that my dad thinks I’m terrible and wishes that I was never born is really upsetting. It’s just really confusing because he also spam texted me telling me that he loves me and wants me to meet his girlfriend. I don’t know what to think but I have been doing research about going to one on one therapy and I don’t know how to bring it up to my mom. Is there anyone that’s been to one on one therapy that can tell me if they like it or not? I’ve been to family counseling/family therapy before with my parents but I was a kid and I don’t know if it’s different than one on one personal therapy.
Thank you all for listening I’ll try to have another update soon
[New Update Nov 26](https://www.reddit.com/user/Kindly_Confidence_82/comments/z5fce6/another_update/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Another update
It’s been a week and a half since my last post and honestly I thought about not coming back to this account since a lot of people on my AITA post thought that I was the asshole and a brat, but since it’s been featured on r/bestofredditorupdates and more people seemed supportive I thought that I would give another update.
I don’t have any updates on a legal perspective because I think my mom is meeting with a lawyer for a consultation this week so officially I’m still supposed to be weekdays with my dad and weekends with my mom.
I ended up going back to school for the last couple of days of the week of my last update because I had a test and a project to get done. On that Wednesday I went over to my friend’s house after school like I talked about with my mom, but that Thursday my dad picked me up in the middle of the school day and took me out to lunch to meet his girlfriend. I didn’t want to go at first, but I couldn’t really do anything else so I just went with it. He told me that he was sorry for what happened and that he wanted to make it up to me and then introduced me to his girlfriend. She’s actually cool and we got along well. Her major is in a similar field to the one that I want to go into someday, and we talked about it together and she gave me advice for applying to colleges. She told me that she was sorry for the misunderstanding between me and my dad, which annoyed me because it wasn’t a misunderstanding, but I guess he told her a different version of what happened. My dad didn’t say much to me directly at lunch, but he kept interrupting my conversation with his girlfriend to talk about how he’s happy that we get along and how proud he is of how I turned out. I didn’t know what to think of it earlier, but looking back on it now it really ticks me off. WTF?
I ended up going home with him after lunch and he surprised me with some new clothes. He got me clothes in the style that I actually like too. I felt really good about the situation. Then we watched tv and cuddling on the couch until I started getting tired. I went to go take a nap in my room but I ended up falling asleep for longer because when I woke up it was dark outside and my dad told me that my mom was going to get me on Monday because she kept me away from him for most of the week. I found out from my mom that my dad called her at her work phone number and told her that if she tried to come and get me then he’d call the cops on her for harassing him. He actually did call the cops on her while I was asleep because she didn’t listen and came to get me anyways, and they made her go home. That Friday my dad told me that he would pick me up from school, but I told him that I wanted to go home and see my mom. He got upset and asked why because I spent all week with her, but I insisted and told him that we could just text. We argued about it the entire ride to school and he only gave up because I promised I would come over on Thanksgiving and cook and spend the day with him. So I unblocked his number and we spent a lot of the next few days texting. I guess it was dumb of me to, but to be honest I just really wanted to talk to my dad because he was being like how he used to be for once. I wanted to give him another chance.
The next time I saw him was on the day before Thanksgiving when he came to pick me up. My mom didn’t want to let me go but I told her that I wanted to because I honestly wanted to spend time with him, since we had been texting for a few days and he didn’t say anything bad about me or yell. I really regret it. Thanksgiving was a disaster. The morning of he did an inspection and yelled at me because I wore an outfit my mom bought me that he said made me look like a prostitute. And to be clear, no it wasn’t revealing at all, it was skinny jeans and a black off the shoulder sweater. Then he made me do all of the cooking when he told me that we would cook together like he promised. Instead he just sat on his butt and texted his girlfriend because she was having a rough time seeing her family. He ONLY wanted to talk about his girlfriend with me. Among other things he asked me how I would feel with her as my step-mom. As far as I know they’ve only been together for a month or two and they don’t go on many dates so I have no idea where this came from, but it made me feel like shit that once again he put his girlfriend over spending time with me. The only bright side of the day was when I got to eat, but even that got ruined because my pie didn’t turn out right.
I texted my mom to come and get me after dinner because I was tired of being there and I left while my dad was in the bathroom. I told her everything that happened. I cried for like an hour. My dad texted me and asked if I wanted to go see the Black Panther movie with him and his girlfriend but I said no and told him why. I said that I don’t think I want to see him again any time soon because I feel like he was putting his girlfriend above me again. And he blew up on me again and started doing his usual spam texting. So I told him to leave me alone and blocked him.
Its safe to say that I’m done with him for good this time. I feel like such an idiot for deciding to give him another chance. My mom tells me that I shouldn’t beat myself up over it, but I wish I hadn’t. My mom tried to stop me from going and I didn’t listen. But that’s all I have to update you on really. I’m going to hopefully start therapy soon and now I’m 100% certain that I’m never going back to my dad’s. I’m going to see the Black Panther movie with her instead and she said that I can audition for my school’s winter play if I want to! Things are weird right now but I’m excited to live with my mom and do things I want to instead of being a hermit at my house like my dad made me be. So I guess the lesson that I learned is to always listen to my mom.
I will continue reading all of the resources and information that I’ve been given! I appreciate all of the love and support from you all. Things are difficult for me and I feel like trash because of how much things have changed but you guys are keeping me afloat.
And to answer some questions:
- My parents divorced when I was a kid because my dad cheated on my mom. She decided to forgive him at first and we did family counseling/therapy for a while, but after he cheated again she filed for divorce. My dad has primary custody of me because during the divorce my mom couldn’t afford to fight him on custody after a while and he had a better lawyer. My mom has never done anything to endanger or mistreat me. The reason that he told her that she only has me on weekends for a reason is because he wanted to make her angry.
- When I say that my dad has put girls over me before I mean a couple of things. Aside from cheating on my mom and this, he’s had a few girlfriends that hated me and wanted me to go live with my mom full-time. He would cancel our father-daughter dates and pick me up a day later at points because a girlfriend wanted to see him. I’m used to it and that’s why I felt like a dumbass for being surprised.
- I found my dad’s girlfriend on Instagram and she’s 22. People thought that she was 20 because of how I worded my r/advice post, so I wanted to clear the record that she’s six years older than me and not four. I don’t get what she sees in him because he’s almost thirty years older and she doesn’t seem like she’s a sugar baby or gold digger. He is very serious about her though, he told me on Thanksgiving that he thinks he wants to start a family with her. I also don’t think she knows the real reason why I was fighting with my dad.
- I don’t know how to describe my dad’s inspections other than it’s similar to when you get patted down by airport security. He started doing it when I was 13 and he does it often. I’m usually fully clothed when he does it but he has done it before while I was in my underwear. My mom doesn’t know about this but thanks to the advice and help of some redditors I will tell her.
- Yes my dad still spanks me. And because I know someone asked he uses his hand and not a belt or paddle(????)
- I don’t know much about s*xual abuse so I couldn’t tell you whether he does that or not aside from the inspections since people think that counts. If anyone has resources about this I would appreciate them or if anyone has specific questions about things that might count I can tell them if he’s done it or not.
- My dad doesn’t want me going to friends houses, getting rides home, or anything because when I was a kid a classmate’s dad turned out to be a pedophile and he doesn’t want me to be molested or killed. I’ve told him that it’s stupid and makes no sense but he doesn’t listen.
**Our OOP is asking for some feedback on going to therapy. If you'd like to leave some advice or experiences for her, do so in these comments: I will notify her of this repost. Please remember: I am not OOP, be kind in the comments, and do not comment on the original posts as it is against BORU rules.** | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4vdhy/op_pretends_to_be_missing_to_teach_her_dad_a/ | z4vdhy | 18,571 | 5,500 | [
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"2022-11-26T07:10:15" | Could this by chance be a human bone? | ONGOING | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z510v7/could_this_by_chance_be_a_human_bone/ | z510v7 | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-26T10:53:40" | check this out https://t.me/+ZTOQOcW-pvBlZTQ6 | NEW UPDATE | [removed] | Remarkable_State_346 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z54rsd/check_this_out_httpstmeztoqocwpvblztq6/ | z54rsd | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-26T11:07:13" | OP Plans To Escape His Toxic Family When He Turns 18 (Sept 8, '22 TrueOffMyChest) | CONCLUDED | Posted by u/Purpleindianfrog-379 in r/TrueOffMyChest on Aug 7, '22, updated Aug 22nd and Sept 8th as edits. Edited to add an update from Jan 26, '23
[Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/wix8tc/im_planning_on_abandoning_my_family_as_soon_as_i/)
I’m planning on abandoning my family as soon as I turn 18
My family sucks. I (17m) turn 18 in 2 weeks and I’m getting the fuck out of here as soon as the clock strikes midnight. My parents have extreme bias towards my younger brothers (16 and 15m). It’s been like this forever. I have no idea why. I’ve always been the one who had to do all the chores in the house. I also have always been forced to play every single sport I possibly could to the point where my schedule was packed 365 days a year. My father told me it would teach me to be a real man.
But my brothers never had to do any of that shit. They’re both fat lazy fucks who sit around and play video games all day and all night. They miss school at least 30% of the year and are constantly spoiled rotten by my parents. They already have thousands of dollars from birthdays, Christmas, and other holidays. As soon as I turned 12, I was told I would no longer ever be receiving and gifts from my parents other than “bare essentials.” I was told I had to pay for my phone and any other expenses I wanted to own and to never ever ask for anything. I wasn’t able to own a phone or anything really special for myself until I was 16 because I couldn’t find any actual jobs that paid good money.
My parents also expect me to take care of my younger brothers when I’m an adult. My younger brothers have both decided they will not be going to college and do not plan on working a day in their lives. My father told me “we kept you alive, you owe it to us.” Fuck you. I’m leaving a nasty letter on the table when I leave and changing my phone number, emails, and everything. They will never be able to contact me no matter how hard they try. I know my younger brothers are gonna be screwed for life since they have zero experience on how to survive in the real world but I don’t care. That’s my parents burden now. I hope they go broke from having to fund my brothers lifestyles and I hope they lose everything. I have no sympathy for these people and I will never feel bad no matter what happens to them.
The only thing I owe to my parents is the fact that because of the shitty treatment over the years, I am well capable of surviving on my own in the world. I’ll be going to college to study finance in Virginia (they have no idea I’ve been accepted to any college, never even asked) and I’m also very physically fit due to playing 6 sports a year. However the trauma will never go away. They took away my entire childhood and i will never forgive them for it. They can all go fuck themselves.
UPDATE: 8/22/22
I’m happy to report that I am officially gone.
So the last two weeks after I made this post have been crazy stressful, but I’ll sum them up here. I changed my number a few days ago by calling my SIM card provider. Then I went and got a copy of my birth certificate since I don’t know where my actual birth certificate was (I couldn’t just ask my parents) and I also made sure to check that my bank account was secure and not shared with my parents.
I purchased a plane ticket last week to fly in to Dulles International Airport in Virginia, just outside of where I’ll be attending college in Fairfax. Finally, I called one of my cousins, whom I am very close with, and asked him to please pick me up at around 12:30 AM last night. He agreed with my decision to leave and told me he was proud of me for taking action to improve my life. I packed my stuff up after everyone had gone to sleep and waited. I decided to keep my note to my family short and sweet; all I wrote down was that I was moving to go to college in California (lmao) and that I was never coming back.
So, last night my cousin picked me up, we went to the police station where I gave them my proper identification and informed them that I am not missing and am leaving on my own accord now that I am 18. They told me they’ll keep it in mind and will watch out for that potential call in the next few days. I got a few hours of sleep at my cousins and then flew out of New Orleans International at 6 AM.
I am now sitting in my college dorm 950 miles from home and I’ve never been happier in my life. I can’t wait to meet new people and finally enjoy my youth. Thank you to everyone who gave me great advice on here and commented their support. I didn’t expect this post to take off like it did but I’m happy my story has effected so many. I will update again in a few weeks.
UPDATE: 9/8/22
Damn! This post took off again these past 2 days. My phone has been blowing up with demands for an update so I shall deliver.
Life has been good! I’ve been in contact with the cousin who helped me and also a few other family members from back home. He said that my mother came to their house the day after I left to talk to my aunt about me leaving. She cried and gave my aunt this whole sob story about how she can’t believe I would “abandon” them, and my aunt told her maybe she shouldn’t have treated me so wrongly throughout my whole life which caused a huge fight and ended with my mom being thrown out of their house. So it seems me leaving has caused pretty much the uproar I imagined.
I’ve been doing well, met plenty of new people and made friends via classes and dorm neighbors. I’m in a better mental state than I’ve been in a very long time. I feel so relieved and it just feels like a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders. It feels so good coming on here and reading all the support and positive comments I’m receiving. I’m really grateful for this community! I will continue posting updates in weeks to come. Thanks for everything everyone!
EDIT: 1/26/23 As promised, I am here for another update. I waited a long time in between updates to really let my life unfold so I could fill you guys in on a lot. Things have been great! I went back in to my hometown for thanksgiving and Christmas to spend time with my aunts, uncles, and cousins. Literal blocks away from my parents house but they are not welcome at those events anymore so I wasn’t worried. They still don’t know where I am or what I’m up to and have apparently given up on trying, which I’m perfectly happy about. College has been great, made lots of new friends and have been keeping the grades up (3.9 GPA!!!). I love my new life, honestly. I never went to therapy or anything, despite numerous suggestions from some of you, but I feel like I’ve done well enough without it. I’ve learned in these months how resilient I really am. I got two jobs on the side at different restaurants in the town around campus, mostly dishwashing and working on salads. Simple stuff, but I’m making enough side cash to provide for myself. Since I got a free ride to JMU, I don’t have to worry about a college savings account or anything, so that’s a huge plus. Thanks for all the continued support and comments over the last few months while Ive been silent. I hope you guys enjoy the update. I’ll be back someday! Much love
**Just a reminder that this is a repost and I am not the OP**
**I am flairing this concluded as OP has escaped his abusive family and made it safely to his college.** | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z55055/op_plans_to_escape_his_toxic_family_when_he_turns/ | z55055 | 7,396 | 21,758 | [
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"2022-11-26T14:03:39" | A Husband and Wife actually communicate properly | CONCLUDED | [removed] | Jschlings | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z58afg/a_husband_and_wife_actually_communicate_properly/ | z58afg | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-26T16:01:38" | Op and his parents | ONGOING | [removed] | Ambitious_Forever977 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5avgs/op_and_his_parents/ | z5avgs | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-26T16:04:05" | op and his parents | ONGOING | [removed] | Ambitious_Forever977 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5axhl/op_and_his_parents/ | z5axhl | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-26T17:23:02" | Debt collectors wants to see my father in law, well here you go... | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5crtu/debt_collectors_wants_to_see_my_father_in_law/ | z5crtu | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-26T19:41:25" | OOP: My (M27)'s wife (F30) doesn't want to take care of my deceased brother's son (M6) anymore | INCONCLUSIVE | **I am NOT OP. Original post in r/relationship_advice**
mood spoilers: >!sort of hopeful!< inconclusive, account deleted
---
&nbsp;
[**My (M27)'s wife (F30) doesn't want to take care of my deceased brother's son (M6) anymore**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qfem9r/my_m27s_wife_f30_doesnt_want_to_take_care_of_my/) - Oct 2021
My brother died from COVID in May. He specially requested me to take care of his son after he went, because his wife also died from COVID in February. I agreed because I loved my brother dearly, I am financially stable and I am prepared. Of course, I asked my wife first. She, in fact was the one who agreed instantly. She have always wanted to be a mother and she was excited but serious to start.
So we took Aiden into our family. He is well-behaved and intelligent (mature for his age) but taking care of a kid is no joke. For me, I work from Monday to Friday (basically the whole day but I still make time to help out and spend time with Aiden). To be honest, it is extremely tiring. However, I won't give it up for anything, I love him with my whole heart and I want to carry out my brother's wish.
My wife stays home and watches over him while I work during the day. She initially had no problem but after 2 weeks, she was tired too. Now, nearly 6 months later she is exhausted and somehow completely done with Aiden. Two days ago, she told me that she wanted to stop taking care of Aiden. I was shocked - both me and my wife promised my brother that we would take care of him.
I asked why - I knew it was tiring, but I could try to help out more - I could try paying someone to help too. She said "No, I'm just tired. I don't want to do it anymore." I got a bit angry at this point. I told her she agreed, and what would we do with Aiden then? She said "Just give him up for adoption, please."
I said no. She got furious - she said that I didn't know how it was like to take care of him full-time. I agree about that but I promised I'll try dedicating more time to help her. I said that I would do 50% of the housework too. I said that I would get a helper, a babysitter, etc. but she wouldn't change her mind. She said she had this idea for a while. I told her I needed to think, and she said okay, I'll give you time to think.
Reddit, what do I do?
tl;dr - After both my brother and his wife's death, my wife and I are now taking care of his young son. My wife is tired and she doesn't want to take care of him anymore.
&nbsp;
[**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qhbgew/update_my_m27s_wife_f30_doesnt_want_to_take_care/) - A week later
I sat down and talked to my wife. I told her that I would not get rid of Aiden but I want to work things out between us. My wife admitted that she loves Aiden but it's hard to take care of him because he misses his parents terribly. She said that he clearly needed a loving family - but it'd be easier to give him up for adoption. I begged her to think more before confirming, and asked her if she really wanted to abandon him. She said no, but she was firm it was the right choice.
I told her I have gotten a babysitter and a helper. They would start in November which is in a couple of days. She was horrified at first but she eventually agreed to let them stay (however she said they would only stay for a month for trial, first). We are still carefully trying to fix things, but it's a huge relief that she accepted the sitter.
I told her that since we got the extra help, she would take the week off. On Saturday, she's going to a spa villa. She is still hesistant about everything, but she has seemed to calm down a little. I'm going to talk to her more about things after her break - I hope that she would soon realise that giving Aiden up is terribly wrong.
I'm going to tell her about the counselling during the weekend after her rest. I don't want to spring everything on her at once, and she's quite sensitive to the counselling topic.
Meanwhile, I am taking time away from work for at least two weeks. I was worried that my boss wouldn't like it, but surprisingly and thankfully after hearing my side, she agreed. I am so grateful that I have enough savings to pay for everything. However, I'll go back to work before December comes.
During my break from work it will be my turn to parent Aiden. After reading the comments, I realised that what I did for the family mostly centered around making money. Money is essential, of course, but I realised that I have not been around enough. I'm reflecting on myself as a husband and father and I'm going to get a coach to teach me how to be better to both Aiden and my wife. I also realie that I have a lot to work on myself and I'm trying to fix myself now.
Things are still complicated, but I can see that they will get better. Aiden will be our main priority. Yesterday, I told Aiden that I would be teaching him how to play the piano and he's excited. In return, he would teach me how to draw dolphins.
tl;dr - I got a nanny and helper. My wife is taking a break. Things hopefully are getting slowly in place.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | bigbluesandwich | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5fzo4/oop_my_m27s_wife_f30_doesnt_want_to_take_care_of/ | z5fzo4 | 5,192 | 9,589 | [
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"2022-11-26T20:23:50" | Could this by chance be a human bone? | ONGOING | Could this by any chance be a human bone?
Posted by u/specialant999 in the r/biology subreddit August 3, 2022
[Link to the picture & post](https://www.reddit.com/r/biology/comments/wejzm9/could_this_by_any_chance_be_a_human_bone/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
**OP wrote the following in the picture description:** “so I basically found this in a beach here in Portugal, Algarve. It was swimming in the ocean near the sand. I want to bring it home but I don’t know if it could be human.”
*Comment of note:*
u/Dr_PoopiePants “Osteoarchaeologist here: I believe this is a human humerus. I think you should probably contact the local authorities.”
——————-
**Update 1**
So far this is what we know (or think we know): This is probably a Human Humerus. It's almost the same size as mine (I'm a 17 year old male - 176cm) and it's also broken. The edges are not sharp so it's probably been on water for a long time. Day 1 I tried to contact authorities but they said to contact other people and didn't even know exactly what to say. Police in Portugal rarely do any shit so I think they might not find anything out. Still I'll try to contact them again Day 2 (tomorrow) - (yes that means I went home with the bone). I'll try not to touch it and keep it safe. I want to have some closure :) Also a lot of people sometimes go missing on beaches because of the strong waves. (I still don't know if it is broken or cut, but it's probably broken). I didn't find any specific news that could help.
Small edit: I already contacted Polícia Judiciária, they were the ones I called yesterday (day 1).
Location: Praia Da Manta Rota, Algarve, Portugal
Day Found: August 2nd
(BTW is there any way I can update directly on the post? Or pin this comment?) - (I'll probably use this comment as a update I still don't know). I'm on mobile so it's kinda confusing.
And thanks to everyone helping :)
—————
**Update 2**
Hello everyone, I just woke up (I barely slept tbh) but I'll try to share my thoughts and things I think might be relevant.
First of fall I wrapped the bone with some paper towel as some people said for me to do it and I'm trying not to touch it.
Turning the bone to authorities might not give us an answer to this case ever, but it's probably the only solution I have. I only got until day 6 to do something (since I'm from another location in Portugal). I don't know if they are able to keep us updated but I'll try to ask for that. Maybe the news will, in case anyone notices it went on the news tell me please. I personally won't report it to news channels because it might be from some member of a family (and maybe the family doesn't want it to appear on the news).
Quick reminder that I know where the bone was found, it's easy to remember since I always stay in the same place in that beach since I was a kid. Anyways it was "swimming" on water for a long time probably, so location might not be that important.
I also don't feel like spending my personal money to have someone tell us about the bone hahaha. And I don't know if I can just give it to a university, maybe I have to talk to the police first (I'll try to ask that, but I doubt they say anything useful).
And thanks to everyone helping, everyone interested and thanks to the ones giving awards :)
I'll probably call them later and after that I'll try to keep you updated :)
(btw: I'm trying to keep me out of trouble or my parents since I'm only 17, I really don't want the authorities mad at me lmao).
Oh and I just received a message from an archeologist saying they know someone that could help (he is a biological anthropologist and works at "Universidade do Algarve"). I'll try to contact them first it may be helpful :)
————-
**Update 3**
Update 3 (Day 2 Night):
I gave it to the authorities. This is what happend. Before trying to call them again I sent an email to that guy I mentioned before. He answered me saying it does look a lot like a Human Humerus and thanked me for reaching out. He said that the bone looked recent, and bones from most recent years are considered a forensic case and not an archeological one. So he said that I should try to contact Policia Judiciária again. So that's what I did (and no I did not call 112 like they said before, they don't seem to know what to do in these cases or even how to properly proceed with it). When I called they said it probably wasn't human because that would be weird and because it was found in a weird spot, they asked some questions and said it was probably nothing to worry a lot about (and I could take some time to actually do anything). Still he told me I could give it to them in Faro's Polícia Judiciária Department (Wich is wierd because when I called yesterday they told me to do something completely different). So there I went with my bone. When I got there and they saw the bone they were like "ok it is probably human" (not those words exactly, but it's like they expressed it). So they asked me a bunch of questions (like the exact coordinates I found it, my phone number, my sister's phone number - since she was the one who actually saw it inside water - and they asked me to describe exactly what happened. To be completely honest it didn't seem very professional (there was a lot of noise and I could barely concentrate, they were like speeding it a little bit so I might not have given every detail they should get, and there was not a type of report that even matched what I wanted to report - supposedly I reported for a possible crime. They wrote it down, made me read it all the way through and said I didn't need to sign or anything like that. Authorities also said there are no missing people in that area. Now they will send it for inspection and verify if it's human or not (if not, the case is just archived), in case it is there are 2 outcomes. 1st one it's if it matches a DNA from someone (they'll probably investigate it more I think) and 2nd one is if it doesn't match any DNA (in that case they'll keep the bone in case something new appears). I guess this is basically it.... They don't know if I'll ever get feedback and, even if I do, it might take a long time (in case it does I may update here or do a new post). We might never know anything, and I guess that's life.
Thanks everyone who helped, everyone who shared and enjoyed the post, and again everyone who gave me awards <3
I really wish we still got some closure.
Anyways I hope the owner of the bone rests in peace :)
#reminder I am not the original OP | highandsclerotic | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5gys4/could_this_by_chance_be_a_human_bone/ | z5gys4 | 6,551 | 1,678 | [
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"2022-11-26T20:31:16" | OOP’s fiancé cheats on her with her sister | ONGOING | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/possible_salad994 in r/trueoffmychest**
trigger warning: >!suicide!<
---
&nbsp;
[**I have just been betrayed by the 2 people I trusted most and I don’t know what to feel anymore.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yoe7k0/i_have_just_been_betrayed_by_the_2_people_i/) - 7 November 2022
I’m sorry if this is annoying I can’t stop thinking about it and for some reason I feel more secure venting it to strangers rather than people who know me and can judge me more in-depth.
I won’t lie, I have been suspecting my fiancé was having an affair but I didn’t have any solid evidence to accuse him even then I had a feeling that I didn’t want to dig any deeper because I was scared incase what I was suspecting was true.
12 days ago I came home from visiting my moms and I headed upstairs to wake my fiancé as he had a habit of sleeping in way past 2pm and then complain that I didn’t wake him, I open the door and all I see is my practically naked sister rushing to try and get out of a lingerie body suit that belonged to me, I don’t know how to explain it but my mind just went blank like whatever I was thinking about beforehand suddenly disappeared you know when you stand up to fast and your head just gets a little dizzy? That’s what I felt alongside the feeling of sickness brewing in my stomach.
I stood there for a solid 30 seconds looking at the 2 people I trusted most look more shocked than I felt, my fiancé jumped out of bed and suddenly came up with excuses it went from “it was an accident.” To “I was lonely and needed sexual relief.” I probably should add my best friend killed herself 2 weeks ago the girl I knew for over 15 years was suddenly out of my life and even though I’m surrounded by people ive told my fiancé about how alone, devastated and guilty that I couldn’t have done anything to help her.
I just left, I didn’t take my car because at that point my eyes were about to just started flooding, I walked to my friends (10minutes) and confided in her about what happened.
The amount of grief I felt from not only loosing a BFF but loosing my relationships with my fiancé and sister within the same 2 week period, now that I’m sitting down to write this I don’t know if any of these relationships will ever be mended or could ever go back to the way they were, I don’t understand why my sister of all people would do this?
There was never any favouritism toward any of us for her to feel spite, I have never intentionally tried to hurt her , I gave her shelter when she had no place to go and despite her not paying a single penny I bought her food that she liked, made sacrifices in my own home for her, hell she kept ranting about how our living room walls gave her a headache (they were white.) so I took time out of my day to paint it a nice grey color.
My fiancé too, I gave that man everything I was willing to have kids with him despite the fact I always wanting to be child free, I was going to start a family so that he was happy.
I gave him comfort whenever something bad happened to him I spent hours watching unfunny movies that he seemed to find hilarious, I even gave him a fucking locket with our anniversary photo in that he decided to wear while sticking it in my sister.
These last days I’ve went from sadness, to being angry then disgusted and it’s a constant cycle Ive not been able to get out of, despite being smoking free for 2 years I’ve picked up a cigarette (I used to be heavily addicted to smoking from 16-21 I’m currently 23.) there’s the moments when I go to do something but automatically loose interest and even times over dinner, I don’t know how to explain it properly as I’ve never felt this way but Im bored(?) of eating I have to physically force myself to eat something and I have no idea what’s going on to my body at this very moment. for some reason it feels as if I’ve went into hibernation, I sleep almost 17 hours a day now and even for the rest of those hours I’m still tired and force myself to stay awake.
Both of them asked to meet up on Wednesday my sisters exact message was; “Hey I know you probably don’t want to hear from me right now but can you meet me and fiancé we want to talk and we want you to properly hear us out. The situation you found us in was not the most ideal situation to put you in a good headspace to talk about it right there and then, please let us explain I love you and you’re my sister and I don’t want to loose you, please.”
I think it’s too late, it was too late from whenever this affair started or even when you started getting sexual desires for my fiancé I miss my sister but according to what I saw the sister I miss and whoever my sister is now are not the same person.
I haven’t talked to anyone yet except the 1 friend im currently staying with at the moment, I’m scared I’ll be seen as a failure of a future wife, but now I don’t even think I want to be a wife anymore but I guess I’d rather share to strangers than people who know me personally, I apologise again.
**[UPDATE WITHIN POST]**
Hi! Me again, I’m back and editing the post. At first I was just going to dump this vent to get it out of my mind but I want to say thank you for everyone’s advice, I guess this counts as a small update? I’m unsure.
So far nothing big has really happened, the friend I’m staying with has offered to come with me to talk to my parents about this also including my older brother, she honestly been my rock through this whole situation and I couldn’t ask for a better support system from one person though I don’t plan on putting that on her shoulders since it would be stressful to be the “designated support system friend.” I’m currently looking into therapy for both my grief and the affair. I’m not well versed legal wise so I’m currently in the process of looking for a lawyer just so legally I know I’m in the clear incase there would be a loophole somewhere.
I did contact my sister and another copy pasted message I replied; “I don’t plan on meeting with you on Wednesday, I’ll talk to you when I’m ready and wether it be tomorrow or years from now it doesn’t matter you both owe me my own time to heal after the 2 people I’ve trusted most went behind my back, betrayed my trust all under my roof that you both lived rent free under, Bye.”
I can’t lie, I was almost ready to tell her to meet me there and then when she sent that message but I’ve realised (and through help of people in the comments that I can’t thank enough) I need time to work on myself mentally rather than repair a long gone relationship with my sister. No I don’t plan on going back to my ex and never will, maybe one day I’ll hear him out but today is not that day.
As for now I’m getting ready to try and explain to my parents everything that happened, I don’t have any evidence between my ex and sister however I do have their messages they sent me which traps one another (I think that’s the right wording?)
But anyways thank you all for the advice and kind comments & messages have a good day or night!
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5h53p/oops_fiancé_cheats_on_her_with_her_sister/ | z5h53p | 7,134 | 6,074 | [
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"2022-11-26T20:39:47" | "How do I [M17] tell my best friend [M18] I slept with his sister [F19] and want to continue doing it?" [SHORT] | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5hcah/how_do_i_m17_tell_my_best_friend_m18_i_slept_with/ | z5hcah | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-26T21:54:06" | My fiancé’s ex sent me their sex tapes and I made the terrible mistake of watching it | REPOST | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwrasadfiance2020 in r/relationship_advice**
trigger warning: >!revenge porn!<
---
&nbsp;
[**My Fiance's ex sent me their sex tapes and I made the terrible mistake of watching it**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/i7f1k2/my_fiances_ex_sent_me_their_sex_tapes_and_i_made/) - 10 August 2020
My fiance (27M) and I (29F) just got engaged a week ago. I proposed to him when I heard from our friends that he was sad that his proposal plans were ruined by covid. We have been very happy this past week.
I guess this caught the attention of his bitter ex (28F). She contacted me on SM and sent me a few videos and said that even though I maybe marrying him, I would never be able to satisfy him sexually the way she did.
For some background, early on in our relationship I was a bit insecure about this ex especially how attractive she was, but my fiance assured me that he would never ever consider being with her again, because she was abusive and used to force him into things he did not like. I soon grew out of these insecurities because my fiance was an amazing bf and always made me feel loved and very secure.
But the ex's message brought back all these insecurities and I decided to watch the videos she sent. It was a huge mistake. I have never seen my fiance so passionate/vocal during sex with me. She even had a video of her giving him a bj in a public place, I never knew he was into all that stuff.
I got really upset and decided to check if he had kept any of these videos on his phone. Turns out he hadn't kept any of them, but I found out messages discussing them with his best friend Sarah. Apparently his ex had sent these tapes to him as well to remind him how good it was between them. He had deleted them right away and blocked her, but was debating whether or not to tell me about this, and thus asked Sarah's advice.
The conversation somehow turned into Sarah asking who was better sexually, my fiance tried to evade the question but she pressed the issue for some reason. It looked like she was teasing him and was being playful, but after a while he got mad and sent her a mini rant. The important gist of it was basically this:
> If you look at it from a purely physical perspective, then yeah (ex) was better. She was more my type physically and sexually. She was very aggressive and passionate and always took the initiative which I liked, and she gave one hell of a bj. But she was also abusive and towards the end, she started using sex as a tool, and instead of feeling loved it became a desperate attempt for me to connect with her.
> Sex with (ThrowRAsadfiance2020) made me realize that sex was not just about the physical aspect. I feel loved and secure and happy when I am with her. Even if she is less my type compared to (ex) the emotional connection means that the sex is automatically great.
Although the second half of his rant somehow saves it, I still feel really hurt by his admission that sex was better with her. He did tell me that he liked me being aggressive and taking initiative, and I do try to be more like that, but once things start happening I end up becoming more passive and let him take the lead. I know I can try being more aggressive, but I am afraid I can never be as good as her and I can never be the kind of girl that can give public bjs. Now I wonder if he settled for me despite not enjoying sex as much with me.
Logically, I know I don't have to be the best at everything for my fiance. But it hurts because he is the best bf I have ever had in all aspects that I can think of and I always thought our sex life was amazing. Now I feel like I just got lucky because I was the first person he dated after that abusive pos and the bar was set so low that he decided that our relationship was amazing enough to make up for that I was not as good at sex as she was.
I feel sad and hurt and I don't know what to do, the ex managed to ruin what was supposed to be one of the happiest period of my life. I don't know how to bring this up to my fiance without sounding like a nut with no self control who thought it was a good idea to watch the videos and snoop on his phone.
&nbsp;
[**[Update] My Fiance's ex sent me their sex tapes and I made the terrible mistake of watching it**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/i98ccy/update_my_fiances_ex_sent_me_their_sex_tapes_and/) - 13 August 2020
As for the update, after posting here and reading the advice and reflecting on my actions, I realized what I did was wrong and a violation of my fiance's privacy. I allowed my insecurities to dictate my actions. Even though my fiance is okay with me using his phone, my intent to snoop made what i did wrong. So I decided to just come clean.
I sat him down the next day and told him that the ex sent me the videos as well, and also came clean about the snooping. He was pretty upset, but surprisingly he wasn't that upset with the snooping, he seemed more upset that his ex had somehow managed to cause drama once again in his life. He told me that he hadn't watched any of the videos because in a majority of them he was uncomfortable with recording them and only did it for her and was afraid if watching it made me look at him in a bad way. This made me feel even shittier for what i did and I apologized again and reassured him that they did not in anyway lessen my feelings or respect for him. I wanted him to have some time to process things and decide what to do about the ex and what I did, so I gave him some space.
That night, I decided to cook his favorite meal as a sort of apology dinner and discuss things. He seemed in a much better mood. He apologized to me for not telling me about the tapes right away and for being an idiot and not realizing that she would come after me when he had blocked her. He told me he appreciated me coming clean about the snooping and understood how I got carried away and that I could have just talked to him and he would have given me his phone and reassured me that he hadn't kept any of the videos.
I asked if he was going to press charges regarding revenge porn and he told me that he wanted nothing to do with her and that we should just move on and enjoy our engagement and forget the whole thing. I told him it was completely his choice and I support him and would delete the videos and block her right away.
Finally, I brought up the texts and he apologized to me for the rant. He told me that was the first time in a long time that he had actually thought about who was better and that he had never actively compared me with any of his exes before. He told me he should have just answered it with a simple "my fiancee is better", and tried to apologize again. I told him that he didn't have to sugarcoat anything and that it was his private conversation with a friend and I have no right to be mad when he wasn't really disrespectful about me or our sex life. I also told him that it was okay if she was better and I didn't have to be the best at everything.
He explained to me that after talking to Sarah he thought more about it and that he hadn't really expressed his thoughts well in the text but he would like to explain it better:
> You are the best I have had, I am not lying or sugarcoating anything. If someone asked me who is the most skilled or the most adventurous sexual partner that I have had, then yeah it would probably be her.
>But that doesn't really matter because if someone asked me what was the best sex I have ever had, my first thought would be the time when we had sex right after you asked me to marry you, and then it would be the night when you first told me you loved me and third would be the time when we had sex in the kitchen the day I moved in. For all her skill and experience, she couldn't even make the top 3, and we have the rest of our lives to make sure that she doesn't even come near the top 100. So no, I am not lying when I say you are the best I have had.
I am not going to lie, despite what I said about not needing to be the best, just hearing what he said (maybe i butchered the quote, he was so much more charming and eloquent) made me really happy, so I kissed him and asked him if he wanted to try and break into the top 3 again. Then, we had sex :) . I didn't really specifically try to be more aggressive but I tried to focus more on what he was feeling to reassure myself that he was enjoying it as much as I did. That naturally allowed me to be the one in the lead and it was great. I could tell that he really enjoyed it as well.
I know I have to work on my insecurities and potentially see a therapist, but for now I will try my best to just forget what I saw on those videos and enjoy being engaged to the most amazing man I know.
TL;DR: I fessed up, my fiance was very graceful and even tried to take some of the blame. We made up and will continue to enjoy the post engagement bliss.
PS: I appreciate the harsh comments that told me I was wrong to snoop. But those of you that sent me hateful pms telling me that I was no better than his ex and that I should leave him? Seriously, fuck off. I maybe an insecure nut sometimes, but I have never ever taken it out on him and would never hurt him like she did. And me wanting to be the best sex he has had is not some narcissistic ego trip. It was because to me he is the best sex I have ever had (and hopefully ever will) and I wanted to be the same for him. I don't think there is anything wrong with that.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5j33o/my_fiancés_ex_sent_me_their_sex_tapes_and_i_made/ | z5j33o | 9,611 | 7,664 | [
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"2022-11-26T22:06:05" | OOP faces the ramifications of playing the "tell me something you've never told anyone else" game with his girlfriend | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5jdiw/oop_faces_the_ramifications_of_playing_the_tell/ | z5jdiw | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-26T23:50:28" | My teen sons friend has been abandoned by his family and has been living with us for the last few weeks. What should I do? | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/dgaomdn in r/legaladvice**
---
&nbsp;
[**My teen sons friend has been abandoned by his family and has been living with us for the last few weeks. What should I do?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/n9t6ec/my_teen_sons_friend_has_been_abandoned_by_his/) - 11 May 2021
First off, I totally love this kid. He has been an amazing friend to my entire family. However, his mother and step father recently split up due to his step father cheating and his mothers recent addiction to drugs. He has grown up in an abusive household and is underweight as they never fed him.
Three weeks ago she dropped him off at our house to stay the night and hasn't returned. At this point it's the best thing for him and he is in no way an inconvenience. He is totally welcome to stay. However, he has one set of clothes and I have been trying to reach his family to get him his stuff but nobody is responding. I really don't know where to start.
I want to call police to get his things, but I don't want him to get placed into a foster family. He is in a very fragile state and I wouldn't want to do that to him. Where do I start? What should I be looking to do? I have no way to get him any help because I am not his legal guardian. I really want to get him some counseling and help with school.
So, how do I help him? He is currently 15 if that helps and we live in WA state. Any help would be much appreciated.
**UPDATE:**
Thank you so much for the outpouring of support. I drove him to his house today and spoke with his mother. His mother told him he had 10 minutes to get everything he needed and to get out. So I got to deal with a very hurt child this morning. I think the resounding answer here was to get a family lawyer.
So that's what I am going to do. I am going to sit down and document everything I saw. I am also gonna ask that he do the same.
He is a teenager and deserves a stable environment which I believe my family can provide. So the end game is that we at least get temporary custody of him until he is an adult. My son has been great through this entire thing and has really stepped up and showed how caring he is. Without him, I wouldn't know half the stuff going on.
So I guess we gained a new family member today. I'm happy that he's here, yet disappointed in the situation.
&nbsp;
**Comment from OP on this post:**
>OP here with another update.
I'm just gonna call him Link, after his favorite video game character. Anyway, we have been through an emotional roller coaster. Shortly after this, I discovered that his mother was meeting him after school and supplying him alcohol, THC vapes, and red bulls. My son is a real straight arrow so he told me about this. I told him that I will treat him like any child in my house and grounded him and took his phone.
>
>During this time he resented me. I did also make him appointments with the school councilor. Link went to several appointments. We also had to get his braces worked on because he got broken brackets, as well as needing to purchase retainers for his teeth. I gave him the money, would make an appointment, and send him in alone. Nobody even questioned it. Same with doctors appointments.
>
>During this time he really wanted to go back to his previous situation, which his mother came back and was living in the house again without him. So I sat him down and told him that I cannot keep him at my house and I would not stop him from leaving, but if he did leave, I had a duty to report everything that happened. He ended up leaving and I reported everything to CPS. Gave texts, letters, social media, all to them as I had minimal contact with the mother.
>
>As I have a couple police friends I started digging into who his dad was, and where he was located. We found him in Arkansas married, with two children. I contacted him and had a full length conversation with him. I asked him about hsi situation and what had happened that he left Link with the mother. Apparently he had been paying her $750 a month in child support and she told him not to contact her, but he had been trying to reach out for years. I explained the situation and he wanted me to write a letter in his favor to get custody of Link. Link was in a downward spiral in his current situation, and I felt that this could be a positive for him. So I wrote the letter and didn't hear back.
>
>A few weeks later my son said that Link was taken by an officer in the middle of class. I tried contacting Link, but got nothing. Tried his mom, nothing. Finally, he called and told me that CPS had removed him and placed him with his dad. They flew him to Arkansas with absolutley no notice and gave custody to his father. The other boys were removed and placed with a family member and there was another boy that was his cousin that lived in the house and he was sent into foster care. The cousin was then adopted by the local school principal and is doing well. It's been almost a year now and Link turns 17 soon. We talk to each other daily and usually play call of duty together. His dad jumps on and plays with me and my son.
>
>We have actually formed a good friendship and I trust his dad. His dad works out daily and is in really good shape. He found out about the drugs and alcohol and he was a recovering drug addict, but found peace in working out. So he taught that to Link who now is muscled up and in incredible shape. Link also got a job at subway and is still attending Highschool. He just purchased his first car for $500 from a friend and uses it to get back and forth. Overall, I am really proud of who he has become and still think of him as part of the family.
>
>Him and his dad are planning a trip to my city so that he can see his other brothers, and will be staying with us for a few weeks this summer.
>
>Also, thank you for all the positive comments and feedback. I don't believe I did anything that deserves this kind of notoriety, as I did what felt right. Plenty of mistakes were made and it was a big teachable moment for myself and my family. We didn't expect this, but all the signs were there. One thing we did right was the amount of effort we put into meeting and having relationships with our children's friends. Without it, we may have never known what he was really going through. Take the time to talk to quite kids, as they may have a story to tell.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5lr2q/my_teen_sons_friend_has_been_abandoned_by_his/ | z5lr2q | 6,506 | 10,132 | [
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"2022-11-26T23:52:44" | Derealization is apart of my life now | INCONCLUSIVE | [removed] | Evening-Leather1815 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5lsux/derealization_is_apart_of_my_life_now/ | z5lsux | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-27T00:14:46" | OOP lashed out at her disabled colleague for fat shaming | ONGOING | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5maat/oop_lashed_out_at_her_disabled_colleague_for_fat/ | z5maat | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-27T00:48:24" | OP accused of selling out, but adult communication saves the day | CONCLUDED | [removed] | chimpfunkz | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5n0on/op_accused_of_selling_out_but_adult_communication/ | z5n0on | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-27T02:04:17" | OOP: TIFU by drunk texting my crush | CONCLUDED | [removed] | Kithslayer | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5olza/oop_tifu_by_drunk_texting_my_crush/ | z5olza | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-27T04:08:51" | OOP Drunk Texts her crush.... 3 years later | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5r4wy/oop_drunk_texts_her_crush_3_years_later/ | z5r4wy | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-27T05:01:19" | AITA for 'selling out' on my Grandma's secret recipe? | CONCLUDED | Some light reading for you today!
**I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/grandmascakes](https://www.reddit.com/user/grandmascakes/). She posted in r/AITA.
Mood Spoiler: >!happy ending!<
**First** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oghjxb/aita_for_selling_out_on_my_grandmas_secret_recipe/)**: July 8, 2021**
My Grandma was a wonderful baker, and had a secret cake recipe that she had created herself. It used some very uncommon spice combinations in the cake and frosting that produced a very unique but delicious cake. She would always make it for our big family gatherings, and it was always the most popular dessert. When she got sick a couple years ago, she decided to share the recipe so that it wouldn't die with her, and offered to give it to any of her kids or grandkids who wanted it. I was the only one who asked for it before she died. I don't know why no one else did, as there were several other bakers in the family. After she passed, I took over bringing the cake to family gatherings, and everyone was happy to still be able to enjoy it.
I also started making cakes for friends & family, and then for others by word of mouth to make some extra cash on the side. My business was really starting to pick up around the time the pandemic hit, as people who'd had my cakes recommended me to their own friends and family. It soon became too much to keep up with in my tiny home kitchen, so I reached out to a friend who had a catering business with a professional kitchen. Since her business took a big hit with covid, I made a deal to use her kitchen to make my cakes and help supplement the takeout business she started to get by.
My cousin, 'Jane' recently found out that Grandma's recipe was one of my best sellers, and said that I had no right to sell out Grandma's recipe, especially after keeping it all to myself. She had asked for it late last year, but I said no. I told her that she had the chance to get it from Grandma before she died, and didn't seem to care enough to bother then.
Since Jane had lost her job she had decided to try selling cakes too, which I think is why she had asked for the recipe. Unfortunately for her, its not going well. The reviews on her cakes have not been good, and no one has been recommending her. Jane said that the only reason my business was doing well because of Grandma's cake (which she wanted to sell too?!?) and my access to a professional kitchen. The kitchen does help with being able to work on multiple orders at once, but my business is doing well because I actually make good cakes! Jane is a good cook, but NOT a good baker. She doesn't follow measurements properly, and instead does everything "to taste", which works for cooking, but not baking. Using too much or too little of any ingredients like flour, eggs or butter, or even their starting temperature will not give you the result you want.
Jane is demanding that I either stop selling Grandma's cake, or teach her the recipe so she can too. I refused, and said she was a hypocrite for wanting to sell the cake herself after getting angry at me for doing so. When she gave me the recipe, Grandma said that her biggest regret was never opening a bakery like she had dreamed (my ultimate dream now too!). I think she'd love so many people enjoying her cake!
*OOP is voted NTA*
**Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z0996m/aita_for_selling_out_on_my_grandmas_secret_recipe/)**: November 20, 2022**
Firstly, I opened my bakery! I found a great spot near my city's office park/main commuter route to the Big City of a caterer/takeout deli that closed. We've been open since June, and business has been great with all the morning/evening traffic, and the lunch crowd from the business park. We sell cakes, pastries, breads, buns, etc. Typical bakery stuff. I also have a cook who comes in for a few hours in the morning to do eggs & stuff for breakfast sandwiches/wraps for the office folks.
A few weeks after I opened Jane stopped by. She apologized and confirmed what I and others had suspected, she only cared about the cake recipe because she was jealous of my success with my custom cake business. She'd always wanted to work in food, but hated the idea of losing her evenings and working in a high pressure kitchen. So when I suddenly started doing so well, she thought she could do the same but didn't know how to start her own catering business. I apologized too for not wanting to share the recipe, but I was afraid that she would ruin my business by putting out bad cakes and no one would want to buy mine either.
I then offered to have her come in 3 days a week to offer a soup/stew of the day during the lunch rush. I had the extra kitchen space for it, and soups/stews really do suit her style of cooking to taste. She loved the idea and they were an instant hit. She had complete freedom to create whatever 2 kinds of soup she wanted each day, just adding things on a whim, and they were always delicious. They got very popular quickly with the office folks, since there aren't many other take out options nearby without driving about an extra 5-10 minutes out besides two fast food burger places.
We soon expanded to her coming in every weekday, and then making a cold soup option on Fridays for the Saturday lunch (closed Sundays). It's been a great arrangement, since she keeps her evenings/weekends and gets that creative control. In the last couple weeks we've also started doing take-home heat & serve dishes too like lasagna, chicken/steak taco or sub kits, etc. I'll do the pasta/bread, she does the other prep & sauces. So far they've been very popular.
She's tried her hand at baking a time or two again, and has declared she just doesn't have the patience for it, and hasn't asked for the recipe again (nor has any other family).
P.S. For those wondering, Grandma had a standing offer for over a year before she died when she wasn't yet sick enough to stop baking, for anyone to come over and she'd personally walk them through the recipe. She was very sad and disappointed that I was the only one who did so. The other bakers would always make excuses about time or say "later, later". Shortly before she died she said that since I was the only one who bothered, the recipe was mine now. It's still my best selling cake.
**Congrats OOP! We all wish you the best with your business, and I'm glad you are able to keep your Grandma's legacy alive. 💜** | LucyAriaRose | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5s6cd/aita_for_selling_out_on_my_grandmas_secret_recipe/ | z5s6cd | 6,471 | 12,740 | [
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"2022-11-27T06:13:46" | A Woman's Husband Is Desperate To Get A New Job (Oct 22, '21 TrueOffMyChest) | CONCLUDED |
Originally posted by u/DoN0tYouDare in r/TrueOffMyChest on April 6, '21, updated April 8, '21 and Oct 22, '21.
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/mlmb93/please_for_the_love_of_god_let_him_get_this_job/)
Please, for the love of God, let him get this job
My husband has worked for his company for 4 years. It's absolutely destroyed his mental and physical health. Every vacation, he brings his laptop to get his work done. He regularly pulls all-nighters. It's non-stop. The pay isn't even good.
Over the years he goes through spurts where he applies for jobs, he'll land a couple interviews, get his hopes up, only to have to come back a no and he gets defeated and gives up.
Things have been particularly bad lately. He's applied for multiple jobs, interviewed, and gotten rejected. Except for one job. He's done 3 rounds of interviews and a technical evaluation. He's so close. In theory, we should hear back this week.
The waiting is horrible. It has the potential to do so much for him. He works so hard, he really deserves a win. I want it for him so badly. But if it comes back a no, it will be devastating. I don't know what we'll do.
Please let it be a yes.
EDIT: Wow. I absolutely can not believe the amount of love and kindness that has come from this post. I'm absolutely speechless. Thank you so much. I've shown my husband this post, and he also can't believe how many people he has rooting for him. I'll try to update when we hear back. Hopefully, it will be good news.
Thank you all so much for being a light
EDIT 2: Lots of people have asked what industry he works in - he works in marketing as a content marketer/copywriter. Got his Bachelors in journalism
[1st Update 2 days later](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/mmxyyu/update_please_for_the_love_of_god_let_him_get/)
I wasn't originally planning on updating, but after the massive outpouring of love and support we received, it didn't feel right not to.
Got the email today. He didn't get the job. He's honestly devastated and we'll be figuring out what our next moves are. Part of me wants to be encouraging and find jobs for him to apply for, but it's also so hard because he feels so defeated. I don't want to keep pushing him when he's feeling down and it's just hard.
It's hard to watch someone you love hurt and not be able to do anything about it
I wanted to thank everyone for the love and support we received. It was absolutely unreal. The kindness of so many strangers blew my mind. It definitely helps soften the blow a bit to know that there's so many people that gave a damn about some strangers on the internet.
If anyone has any leads on jobs for a brand-side copywriter/content marketer that's either fully remote or local to Utah, I'd love to hear them.
Thank you so much once again. Sorry to let you all down
[Last update 6 ½ months later](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/qdmvu6/update_please_for_the_love_of_god_let_him_get/)
I still get the occasional messages asking how things are going, so I wanted to post a formal update here.
Backstory: I posted 7 months ago about my husbands horrible job situation and how badly I wanted him to get a new job after so much trial and heartbreak job searching. Unfortunately, he didn't end up getting that job. However, a few months later, things did start to improve a bit. He changed departments in his company. The work was more mediocre and not the stuff he was as interested in, but it offered much better work/life balance so we called it a win even though it presented 0 options for career progressions.
Today I am happy to announce that he was offered and accepted a position at a new company! He'll get to do more of what he wants to do in this position and they want him to build a team under him so there's a lot of potential for growth. It also comes with a 60% pay increase which is fantastic.
After so long trying to get out of this bad situation, it almost doesn't feel real that he's finally getting the win he's been working so hard for. I'm absolutely over the moon.
Thank you so much people Reddit for your support and for just giving a shit about a couple strangers on the internet. It really meant so much to us and I'm so happy that I can update ya'll with good news.
**u/don0tyoudare has left this update:**
Hello everyone, OP here. I've been getting lots of messages related to this post so I figured I'd post an update here where people will hopefully see it.
Unfortunately he was laid off in July and has been searching since. Thankfully I got a new job around that time with a significant pay raise so things are definitely tight financially but we're surviving.
If anyone has any leads on copywriting or content marketing jobs or freelance opportunities, would love to hear them (for myself, or others who have asked me in relation to this post.)
The job market is rough right now | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5tiu1/a_womans_husband_is_desperate_to_get_a_new_job/ | z5tiu1 | 4,960 | 6,243 | [
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"2022-11-27T06:28:00" | His Girlfriend Kicks Him Off His Spotify Account Every Morning (June 15, '22) | CONCLUDED | Originally posted by u/Mohnemus1 in r/TrueOffMyChest on June 15, 2022, updated over the next several weeks.
Mood Spoiler: >!Wholesome & Happy!<
[Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/vdc4lo/my_girlfriend_kicks_me_off_my_spotify_account/)
My Girlfriend kicks me off my Spotify account every morning. I couldn't be happier.
My girlfriend (F22) and I (M23) live together. My day starts off much sooner than hers does. I'm usually in the office by 6:30am, which is about when she starts waking up. I'm one of the first people in the office, so I always put headphones on and listen to music as I start my day.
I get about 15 minutes of music before it stops and I get the notification that the output device has changed. This is because we have a Google home that's hooked to my Spotify account. When my girlfriend wakes up, she starts her day with "Hey Google, play ..." So she has music when she's getting ready.
I always just leave my phone open to see what she's listening to, and when she heads out around 7:30, I get my account back. I'm sure that she has no idea that she's participating in this little routine, and I have no intentions of telling her. Sure, it'd be easy to swap it to her account, but I love to know that she's awake and starting her day listening to her favorite songs.
Another benefit of this is that I know what her current favorite songs are, so when we get in the car together or we're just sitting around, I know what songs will spark joy. Some days I think she's onto me.
We're both very happy together, and I plan on proposing here in a few weeks. I'm excited to spend the rest of my life with her.
EDIT: More context for everyone!
Hey Everyone! Your support is wonderful!! I'm so happy that you all enjoyed seeing a snippet of my relationship with my girlfriend. She's my favorite person in the world. If you think I'm sweet, you should meet her.
We met about five years ago in college. We argued over a seat in calculus, then ultimately decided to team up academically because we were in the same major. We were best friends for about three years, and now have been dating for two years. We live together with two wonderful cats.
The engagement ring comes in two weeks, and we have a trip planned next month to have a romantic getaway. I love photography and we both love hiking. Due to this, we always go hiking with my camera and tripod. We always take photos together at the peaks, so I plan on doing that when I propose! I'll try to post an update when it happens!
Love isn't some grand gesture, I've learned it's just a lot of little things that add up.
EDIT 2:
**An Update on the engagement!**
For anyone still keeping tabs, I adore you. The ring is in. It's currently hidden in our home. Due to us finding a cute little townhouse to move into, we will sadly be moving during the timeframe that we hoped to go on our escapade, so it got cancelled. I hope to propose soon, but want it to be meaningful. For that reason, I'm unsure when it'll be. For those of you that have stuck around this long, I appreciate you. I hope to return here soon with some wonderful news. Until then, I wish the very best for you!
**FINAL EDIT**
Closure, in case anyone is still paying attention to this!!
I PROPOSED TODAY! I apologize that this took so long, thank you to anyone that is still keeping tabs. There were a lot of moving parts in our lives that delayed the proposal, so I'm thankful that I finally could. In the end, it was wonderful. She cried, I cried, our parents cried, and our friends are all ecstatic. Now it's time to celebrate and begin wedding planning. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with this wonderful woman.
I hope that you all find love, everyone deserves to feel loved. | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5trvs/his_girlfriend_kicks_him_off_his_spotify_account/ | z5trvs | 3,806 | 9,314 | [
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"2022-11-27T06:40:10" | I (29F) think my SO (30M) is poisoning me, but I am not sure and I don't know what to do | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5tzjm/i_29f_think_my_so_30m_is_poisoning_me_but_i_am/ | z5tzjm | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-27T08:44:46" | I (29F) think my SO (30M) is poisoning me, but I am not sure and I don't know what to do | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5w34j/i_29f_think_my_so_30m_is_poisoning_me_but_i_am/ | z5w34j | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-27T12:11:46" | OOP - My Entitled Neighbor and why I'm afraid of him | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT the OP. That is u/OnlyTeers. Originally posted on r/EntitledPeople.**
Trigger warning: >!assault, mention of rape!<
Mood spoiler: >!happy ending!<
&nbsp;
[Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/su6w45/my_entitled_neighbor_and_why_im_afraid_of_him/) *posted on February 16, 2022*
**My Entitled Neighbor and why I'm afraid of him.**
Hello Reddit.
English speaker, not on mobile, but still, please no roasts. If something is formatted wrongly, or is hard to read, please let me know!
Info on me: I am a 30F American, with several mental disorders, including Autism, Psychosis, Depression, the list goes on. However something to note, that these do not cause me to loose compassion, in fact. They do the opposite, I am very friendly, and worry to much about others, and that often gets me in trouble.
I live in a SIP housing, Supported Independent (Forgot what the P stands for.) But it is not an adult foster home. In fact most people here come from group homes, I am a rare case which I did not, however I did fall into a massive depressive lap which caused me to require some extra assistants.
Things you need to know about this is there is one washer and dryer (outside my apartment) and staff in house for 12 hours, and then on call for 12. When I moved in I was the only girl, and at first, things were fine. The neighbor in the apartment down from me seemed fine. We will from now on call him Entitled Asshole.
Cast:
Me : OP
Linsey: Staff Manager
Sam: Secondary Staff
Owners: Owners of the building
Conservator: She handles my money and was once his guardian.
Downstairs Neighbor : Super sweet 65+ year old lady.
Entitled Asshole: Neighbor on top floor with me.
Annoying Neighbor: She is on the downstairs apartment.
Friendly Neighbor: She shares the wall with my apartment.
\-----------
To the story.
When I first moved in, Entitled Asshole was friendly, sometimes, he'd ask to borrow a bowl or something, but he was good at returning it. However very quickly he noticed one thing. I drove a car. The model is important. I had a tiny prius. However, he was to large to fit into my tiny car, and thus when asking me super late at night for rides. I would always decline.
I didn't decline just due to his size however, yes it was a factor, but I am night blind. I cannot see at night and thus I refuse to drive late at night. This is where his entitlement starts. He went from nice to mean in the matter of seconds. Blaring loud music, locking me out if I walked out the downstairs door. (Luckily I carried a key.) and other petty things like that.
Soon Downstairs Neighbor moved in, and he did the same to her, but instead she used 420, so he'd ask for that instead of car rides, as I was still the only one with a car that wasn't staff. I got along great with Downstairs Neighbor and she often would cook meals with me, to which he would suddenly be there as soon as he noticed, begging for meals. Quite like the post I made recently. I refused to feed him too, as he never made any effort to help us with prep, cleaning, or even purchasing food.
The office cat he would dump water on, threaten to get rid of, and more until Lindsey (Who owned the cat) gave him to her daughter when she finally moved into a safe place that allowed pets. The reason the office cat was there...Lindsey's dogs kept trying to eat him, so it was safer at the office where he'd get attention then with dogs that could and would kill him.
Then Downstairs Neighbor's keys went missing, she thought it was odd, and a few days they reappeared, however she'd catch Entitled Asshole breaking into her apartment. Despite my suggestions to call the police, or asking if she needed help. She declined and simply started refusing him to come in and finally had her locks changed.
And then, I got the dreaded. Sign. So I had a sign on my door, that people could write on, when I started working from home. This only lasted a few months before my mental health deteriorated and I had to quit but it was simply to tell people when not to bug me. After I quit, it seemed okay but then the true sign appeared. At a craft show I found an adorable sign that said My cats and I talk shit about you. I thought it was so funny, I bought it on the spot and put it on my door. I have two cats and thus I thought that it would fit!
I'd notice sometimes my sign would be flipped around when I got home from shopping or woke up however. Odd, I'd just put it back. Then Entitled Asshole wrote on my door. "Cause issues for me, I'll cause issues for the town." I instantly went to Lindsey and told her about it. She came and sure enough, it was his writing. She sent images to the owner. And he told me to take down my sign. So I grudgingly did. I also removed the pen from my erase board sign so he couldn't write threatening messages to me anymore. However he was never told to remove his 'Blink security' sign on his door which was hand written and right under his peep hole.
Things only escalated from there. He started turning the only lights off in the hall way, he started swearing at me if I walked past him, glaring at me, creeping up on me. He'd stand outfront of my door and I'd see his shadow because of my tinted and distorted plastic/glass panel I had in my door. He then started messing with my laundry. And not because i left it in the dryer to long either.
I had just thrown my laundry into the dryer, and suddenly I hear someone messing with the machine. Odd, I had just put mine in 5 minutes before and I had a load in the washer. I go to open the door and he's blocking it. He had taken my laundry out and thrown it onto the floor, and then thrown his in. Caught in the act he quickly threw his out and grabbed it, putting most of mine back but missing a few pieces. I got out and sure enough, the dryer had been switched to a whole different mode, and my still wet laundry was partially on the ground. I went and complained and again Lindsey talked to the owner. He assigned us days to do our laundry instead of handling this person.
Friendly Neighbor had been coming out of her apartment at this time and had seen what had happened and told me afterword's. A few minutes later he did it again, and I caught him and told him to stop. He cussed me out and left. Please note, I called him out threw a closed and locked door. I was not going face to face with this huge male, when I am a tiny female.
Then the fire alarms started. Yes, the fire alarms. Please note I live in a super old building, the wires for the fire alarms on the top floor are connected, so if say....Entitled Neighbor decided to set off his fire alarm at 3am by pressing the button, it set them off for us ALL. Well, at least Friendly Neighbor, Entitled Asshole and myself. Again I complained, and again, Lindsey and Sam did what they could, but after a week of no sleep. It stopped. However my insomnia had been started due to being afraid to sleep as loud noises cause me to become paralyzed.
Entitled Asshole then would wait till right before noise violations could be called on, and would blare his music in bursts, and right as it hit time that I could call the police. He'd stop. This would be an on off routine, and sadly staff could do nothing as the owner simply said to call the police.
One day on a group shopping trip, I decided to buy us girls drinks, he was in the car, and being extremely rude, slamming doors, glaring at me, swearing at me when no one was around, etch. So I didn't get him one. He shoved Annoying Neighbor as she was trying to help me carry my food upstairs, we had gotten to the door headed up, I unlocked it, he stormed down the stairs and shoved her, then slammed the door behind him. This door auto locks so I had to unlock it again for her. Mind you a few days prior, he had shoved me. We didn't know what to do so we just went on with our day.
The lights continued to go on and off, and my door was nearly broken into at 2am. Again we called the owner, again no response.
Downstairs Neighbor had told me that Entitled Asshole had been talking about how he was a 'tester for god,' and a lot of other unhinged things. Nothing was done.
Finally, I had a panic attack. I had never had one before and I went to the ER. I came back and settled into my bed, slept a few hours and it was my laundry day. Going to put my laundry in, I noticed something. He had put his laundry in, on my day specifically and was doing it, intentionally to goad me. I finally broke. I had enough. I went to ask Sam what she could do and she said she was unable to do anything.
Before people yell about Sam, I questioned her further later. She wasn't afraid for herself. She was afraid because there isn't staff here 24/7. She was afraid for me. I just wanted clean sheets, and I couldn't even get that basic right. I called the owner sobbing, explained everything....nothing happened.
My insurance called me the next day asking about the ER trip. They are sending me an emergency button. I called my Conservator. His ex guardian, and expressed my fear for my own life as he has become increasingly unhinged. She told me to call the cops, I had Annoying Neighbor call them a few hours ago, still no one has dropped by but we will be filing a police report.
I told my doctor what's going on, and she wants my psych medical professional to see me to see about getting me something to help with my fear, as I am growing increasingly frightful and more dread is consuming me. Lindsey refuses to be around him as she is afraid of him, though she has not said it directly you can see her tense any time he comes around. Sam has tried to sooth me.
Every female in this 6 person residence (So four of us) are terrified of him. Finally, we called the owner and his brother, and they are trying to figure out what to do. My mental case worker is trying to find me a new place to live incase I cannot get him out of here.
TL:DR Scared for my life because my entitled neighbor has become unhinged.
&nbsp;
[Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/tzle5h/my_entitled_neighbor_and_why_im_afraid_of_him/) *posted on April 9, 2022*
**My entitled neighbor and why I'm afraid of him (Update)**
You may have read my original post - My entitled neighbor and why I'm afraid of him
So, its been a while since I last posted here, I’ve called the police on him a few times and nothing has been done. Tomorrow I am starting to fill out a restraining order against him. I have tried to cut all contact, and yah.. Today he went outside my door and started saying things about how I’m fat, ugly, and couldn’t get laid. How he was a catch (he’s not) and how he couldn’t pay anyone to fuck or rape me. How he couldn’t even get a dog to fuck me. He used my name and was on the phone, shouting so he’d make sure my noise canceling headphones didn’t ignore him.
I went down to my good neighbors house and called 911. I told them about everything, and they said there was nothing they could do. To file with the courts. So I am.
He’s been screaming at 11am-3am randomly, banging at my door, harassing me, they have had to put locks over the lights to stop him from flipping them on and off. He’s even popped both of one of the workers' front tires. Screwed in 2 screws so when she got it home, it had flat tires. Luckily her family helped her out.
We’re going to do what we can, but the landlord doesn’t seem to care and I can’t find new housing. I’m trying.
As for other notes. That neighbor who was trying to mooch off of my food and he also had pushed had decided to call animal control on me. I have done nothing to her and I take great care of my cats. The day before this event my cat had just been to the vets. She claimed to animal control I had been abusing them, then went to my good neighbor and bragged about lying to them.
I swear….my life is a soap opera.
&nbsp;
[Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/vem39p/my_entitled_neighbor_and_why_im_afraid_of_him/) *posted on June 17, 2022*
**My Entitled Neighbor and Why I'm afraid of him - Update 2**
So, things were so so, but now...its gotten destructive. And I have a light at the end of the tunnel.
For people who have read the past posts, I am sorry to inform you, its worse.
The PPO was denied, but he left me alone, besides doing his laundry at times that were not allowed, and being allowed. He would nit pick, and harrass, chase me off the porch and try to bully me. However yesterday, he tried to attack me.
Please note, where I live, they dispense meds, and they give us 15 minutes with staff per person to catch them up. I came in and was going over some forms for rental assistance to help me get to a new place. Please note I've been constantly putting myself on waitlists, but I was denied due to not making 2400 a month. I make around 1400.
He came in right after me, and wanted me out, I hadn't even taken my meds. When I politely told him it was my time, he started to yell. So...I shut a door to put it between us. And then retreated back to my caretaker. He tried and nearly did, kick down the door, there is a huge mark on it, and he broke the molding around it.
The police were called, and then....nothing. They said they couldn't do anything.
I was in fear already, for he was screaming about how he wanted me to move, how he wanted me gone, how this was his place. And then, when my care taker and I were out, trying to get some stuff so I could settle, I got texts. He was planning on hurting me. He told everyone, he was 'going to get even' he was 'going to physically hurt me' he was 'going to make me pay'. The police came back and I was afraid. I was going to flee to PA where a friend offered to take me....but I had no one to get me there.
I spent a night in a hotel, alone, without my cat, as they wouldn't let me bring her. And then upon waking, my caretaker sent me a text. I was up in line for an apartment. I called them, and I wasn't up just yet. But there were 5 people ahead of me, and only 4 apartments. However from the sounds of it. Two people are not wanting it already, so I am almost guaranteed this place if they do not call by the 25th.
The police when hearing I planned on moving, said they would talk to the chief to try and help the best they could. I am keeping my fingers crossed that this lines up, and by the end of the month. I am free. Because honestly, I can't keep doing this. I will keep you updated.
&nbsp;
[Update 3](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/vk3vew/update_my_entitled_neighbor_and_why_im_afraid_of/) *posted on June 25, 2022*
**(Update) My Entitled Neighbor and why I'm afraid of him.**
It has been a rough few days. I hope you're in for a roller coaster. Please remember, this is update Three for a very very toxic situation.
After I got out, I got a letter, as you know. It sounds like 2 people at least dropped out of the running, leaving the apartment most likely open to me. I filled out my paper work and sent it in yesterday.
Please note that after I spent the night in the hotel, he was taken shortly after for a psych eval. I had three days of peace, my caretaker on the other hand, did not. He called and threatened her, he demanded that the owner of the complex bail him out etc. However...on the fourth day, I got a frantic call from my caretaker.
"He's going to be here any moment, I just got a call warning me." Sure enough. Five minutes later, I got a text from her.
'Call 911'
Instantly, I called, and the police were there shortly. However while we waited I called her. He had pinned her in the office and was screaming in her face, she only had her phone on her but couldn't call due to likely aggravating him more. So she texted me before calling the land lord like he was demanding. When he finally let her out, I had just called and checked on her. She was trembling, and her voice was shaking. She was running to her car, told me to lock my doors, they were. The police, couldn't take him in, since he hadn't touched us.
I stayed a night at my family's and then returned to my complex.
They got a court order to re-grab him for the psych eval. But....6 hours later, he was out again. And was released in the middle of the night. I thought I was hallucinating when I heard his voice last night....only for the male caretaker to tell me. "Hey, I just got a call, apparently he was released."
Instantly I called my care taker. "I will get ppo forms, and print them off, I'll have male caretaker take me to the courts."
When I did this, I returned and waited for her to come back, I had told her. I want her to quit. She helps me a ton and I have autistic and more. But...I care more about her safety. I called my sweet neighbor who is in the apartment next to me. I told her to stay at her family's. She was panicked but she agreed.
My elderly neighbor is visiting family. The neighbor that tried to get my cats taken away was evicted. And the other male neighbor never comes out of his room except for meds. And has two exits. He can get out safely. However...This leaves me and my one cat.
Yes, one cat. If you've been reading, I had forgotten to update. I had to put down my big girl on the 14th of last month. It was so painful, I've never put down a pet before and I hated myself, but cancer was killing her it turned out. So yah, ALOT has been going on.
On a good side, I am waiting to hear back to see if I get the apartment. Wish me luck. I will likely know next week! As their paperwork is being delivered Saturday.
&nbsp;
[Update 4](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/vozxxi/update_my_entitled_neighbor_and_why_im_afraid_of/) *posted on July 1, 2022*
**(Update) My entitled neighbor and why I'm afraid of him**
Hopefully the final update.
Well, he did do some creepy things since the last update, invading my personal space, and of course creeping on me and my sweet neighbor as I was trying to give her a pair of shoes and staring at us through his door. He was closing the hallway door so he could hear if someone had to open it.
I had gone to a restaurant one day as well, my caretaker was coming shortly after. I saw him, harassing's the wait staff that had gotten him fired because apparently he had been sexually harassing all the women, and then threatening when he was told to stop. They told me they didn't want him there but he's been doing a show of force to try and scare people. The waitress was sweet and was ready to call 911 if he got anywhere near me or my caretaker. However, he didn't.
**NOW, for the juicy part, you've been looking for!**
He's arrested. Not just sent to the mental hospitals. Yesterday after he went to the ER and went to a city to go threaten the people from Jamaica that come here to work. The police had enough, they nabbed him. Hopefully for good.
I walked downstairs to see three police hiding slightly as they were waiting for my caretakers, please note, that the land lord has sent his son's here to protect my caretaker. They have been here a few days and hopefully they won't be needed again. Shortly after I hid in my neighbors place with one other friendly neighbor (the sweet one from upstairs) and we watched the police drive off, after one police car disappeared.
I got texted, I thought he was just dragged to the mental hospital. No, they booked him and are charging him. Assault, battery and more. And I hate to say this, but he will likely hurt someone in jail. If I am lucky he will be refused bail, and he won't get out for a while.
Yes, I am still moving. The landlord has proved he wasn't able to handle this situation. Hopefully, my saga is finished. I will update if it's not but for now....I can sleep in peace.
&nbsp;
[Update 5](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/wori1o/final_update_my_entitled_neighbor_and_why_im/) *posted on August 15, 2022*
**(Final Update) my entitled neighbor and why I'm afraid of him**
So, good news.
He's in jail. He was let out on bond but broke it. He is in jail till his sentencing. He did alot of stuff between now and then that I meant to write down but honestly so much has cropped up into my life that I just wanted to give a quick final update.
My new apartment is locked down, I'm accepted, and will move as soon as its fixed up.
I mean, what more could I want? So I'm packing boxes, spending time with my cat and getting on with life!
&nbsp;
[Update 6](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/yzzk0o/my_entitled_neighbor_and_why_im_afraid_of_him/) *posted on November 20, 2022*
**My entitled neighbor and why I'm afraid of him (Final Update - Conclusion)**
So it's been a while. This is the for sure, final update.
He got arrested as you all know, during this I constantly looked to the scanner page for our area. We'd see posts of inmate starting fights, resisting going in his cell, getting out of his cell, having issues in the restraint chair.
My caretaker visited me the other day and let me know what happened finally. The verdict.
NOT GUILTY - Due to insanity. However this doesn't mean he got off scot free. As soon as a bed is open, in he goes to a mental intuition. And hopefully he either gets well, or stays there till I grow old.
I did end up moving. It's a great place here, and me and willow are happy. I've finally started to socialize and have fun, and have been playing alot of my games. Everyone says I sound much better and more relaxed.
Thank you to all who have stayed in for this story. I appreciate you all!
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the OP** | Shelly_895 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5zqml/oop_my_entitled_neighbor_and_why_im_afraid_of_him/ | z5zqml | 21,681 | 4,317 | [
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"2022-11-27T15:08:12" | AITA for calling my wife unreasonable for backing out of spending Christmas with my family after my mother rejected her cookie sample"? | ONGOING | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z63gi7/aita_for_calling_my_wife_unreasonable_for_backing/ | z63gi7 | 9 | 0 | [
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"2022-11-27T15:31:52" | OP is moving to his grandpa's home due to his parents | CONCLUDED | [removed] | Ambitious_Forever977 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z641hg/op_is_moving_to_his_grandpas_home_due_to_his/ | z641hg | 9 | 1 | [
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"2022-11-27T15:48:43" | AITA for telling another gym member to wear a bra? | REPOST | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/far-experience2070 in r/amitheasshole**
trigger warning: >!sexual harassment!<
---
&nbsp;
[**AITA for telling another gym member to wear a bra?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p7iuom/aita_for_telling_another_gym_member_to_wear_a_bra/) - 19 August 2021
I (25f) fucking hate wearing bras. They're uncomfortable, constricting, and expensive. With work from home, I spent the last year and a half basically never wearing a bra and got used to it. Quite frankly, my boobs are nonexistent anyways.
I recently started going to the gym again and started working out braless. I should note that up until now, no one has ever pointed out anything wrong with me not wearing a bra. However, in the middle of a set of squats (yes, MID SQUAT), a guy comes up to me, taps me on the shoulder to get my attention, and tells me that my nipples are poking through my shirt. I get really irritated because why tf is this guy staring at my nipples in the first place and then stopping me mid-set to inform me?
I get really annoyed, try to finish my set, but then this fucker literally grabs the bar, as I ascend and re-racks it for me. He claimed it looked like I was having trouble with the last rep, and that he had come over to make sure I could do it, then noticed my nipples. I'm really fucking pissed off at this point and told him I didn't need his help finishing my set and why the fuck was he looking at my chest in the first place?? He said he was going to spot me, but then noticed my chest and thought it'd be inappropriate.
I pointed out that the safety bar was set, so even if I did fail the set, he wasn't needed. But he just insisted people at gyms look out for each other, and that going forward, I should probably wear a bra so other people wouldn't get uncomfortable and that it may help me stay more balanced in my squats. I'm literally the only girl at the weights section of the gym at the moment, and other guys who were squatting and failed sets never have to worry about this shit. I've seen guys fail multiple sets in a row and no one ever rushes to their aid, but I have a very slight pause, and everyone thinks I need rescuing. So I'm now really annoyed and also kind of uncomfortable that this guy I've never spoken to in my life thinks he's helping me and then has the audacity to tell me how to dress.
So I tell him "You have bigger boobs and nipples than I do. Maybe YOU should wear a bra so people won't get uncomfortable and you won't fail your squats." He then got really defensive, saying he was just trying to help, then called me a bitch. Honestly I'm not sure if I overreacted, but I'm still kind of pissed off so maybe that's clouding my judgment. AITA?
Verdict: NTA
Edit to add: I'm not sure if people think I'm walking around and it's extremely obvious my nipples are showing. I actually really hate constricting clothes. My t-shirt size is x-small but I wear size large to the gym (and pretty much everywhere lately), and you can't tell my stomach from my chest. My nipples might've been showing a little more while squatting because I was wearing a lifting belt
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE: AITA for telling another gym member to wear a bra?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pg5bdq/update_aita_for_telling_another_gym_member_to/) - 2 September 2021
Thanks so much for all the feedback on my OP. A couple people said it was just a validation post, but tbh after you go off on someone like that publicly, getting a lot of attention, you kind of do feel like an asshole, even when you feel it's justified, so yeah.
I finally did start wearing bras again, and not at all because of this incident, but because I'd been dealing with depression that made me not really try to get dressed in general (not just at the gym), and "dressing for success" has been a small way to try to get myself back into a better place mentally.
Anyways, the guy goes to the gym roughly the same time I do most days, so unfortunately, I did have to see him again. Even though I really wanted to grab his bar out of fake concern while he was squatting, I mostly ignored him. Until two days ago.
I was deadlifting, and recording myself to check my form. The guy comes over and says something like "You know sumo is cheating right?" I get this comment a lot, mostly from men half joking, and it's annoying, but I just completely ignore him. He repeats it a little louder, and I continue to ignore him. I guess he sees that I was recording myself because then he asks if I have an Instagram (I don't post my lifts on Insta) and if he could follow me. I keep ignoring him.
Finally, he says something like "see your form is so much better now that you're wearing a bra." And I fucking lost it again. I screamed at him that he's a disgusting, harassing piece of shit (honestly I don't remember exactly what I said but it was, admittedly, very vulgar and got a lot of attention). A worker came over and asked if something was wrong, and I said that the guy was sexually harassing me for two weeks and asked to speak to a manager.
The guy denied it and said he was just trying to help, and that I was being sensitive. But either way, the manager asked what was going on and got both our stories. Because I had been recording my lifts, I actually had a video of him where he commented on my bra, so the manager gave him a 30 day ban and told me that if he ever bothered me again to let her know, and she would permanently ban him.
So I feel kind of vindicated, but I also feel a little frustrated that just one man actually saw consequences for this kind of behavior towards women in the gym. It's nice to see someone have repercussions for their actions, but it's also exhausting dealing with this kind of thing constantly at the gym, even if it isn't quite as overt. But I guess I'll have to keep calm and lift on.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z64gs5/aita_for_telling_another_gym_member_to_wear_a_bra/ | z64gs5 | 5,959 | 27,606 | [
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