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2022-10-31T06:03:19 | OOP reaches out to the Formula 1 community to create a wonderful experience for a wonderful friend. | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yi2ezo/oop_reaches_out_to_the_formula_1_community_to/ | yi2ezo | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-10-31T08:42:22 | AITA for treating my adopted children the same as my biological child | CONCLUDED | [removed] | J_Robert_Shevek | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yi56v6/aita_for_treating_my_adopted_children_the_same_as/ | yi56v6 | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-10-31T10:48:17 | OP's MIL suddenly dies in a car accident and her stalker just so happens to disappear at the same time. | CONCLUDED | ***I am NOT OP, this is a repost.***
**Trigger warning:** Death, stalking.
NOTE: OP posted the the original with an account that has since been deleted. Her update was made with a new account.
​
[**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/xrfrpl/my_mil_suddenly_passed_away_in_a_car_accident/)**, posted to** r/TrueOffMyChest\*\*, September 29th 2022.\*\*
​
**My MIL suddenly passed away in a car accident last month. At the same time my “stalker” disappeared**
My MIL and I never had a good relationship. She has tried to sabotage my relationship with my husband since the day she met me. I wasn’t good enough for her handsome and successful boy. I contemplated ending my relationship several times but my husband always showed that he is on my side. And I love him.
A few years ago, I started getting very threatening and scary emails and texts from a Pax. This Pax knew everything about me. It didn’t matter how many emails and phone numbers I changed they or “he” always found me. I made several reports but nothing happened. My husband tired everything to trace the emails. Nothing came out of it. This past year I basically never left the apartment alone.
I haven’t received a single threatening text or email from Pax in a month. After a few days I wasn’t surprised. Felt like I always knew it was MIL deep down. My husband hasn’t reacted yet. He’s consumed with his grief and I don’t want to bother him, especially when he bitterly told me “you must be very pleased now” when we heard the news and I tried to comfort him (he apologized later and said he was just feeling guilty that he loved and chose me more that he loved her).
Now I’m waiting for him to connect the dots. Will he get it? If he does, will he talk to me about it? I don’t know if I ever will bring it ip to hi
Also I won’t relax and go back to my normal life just yet. But I know it in my heart that it’s over and I can’t he happier about my life.
​
**Top comments:**
>*You know there are a lot of cases where people had tons of threatening letters and phone calls. In many they never found out who did it, and most people assumed it was some random psycho. But I wonder how many were someone close to them instead.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/xrfrpl/comment/iqf6acw/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
>
>>**Someone replies:**
>>
>>*There was an episode of "This American Life" about a woman was continuously the victim of identity theft; bank account kept getting hit despite changing cards, banks, everything.* [*Turned out she was living with the thief.*](https://www.thisamericanlife.org/587/transcript)
​
>*I agree that you should let him connect the dots on his own. I wouldn’t even drop hints to help him along the way.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/xrfrpl/comment/iqezkkr/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
>
>*If they start up again, it's definitely still someone in the family. They would have been too distracted/busy with this to maintain the harassment but if it starts up again, the timing is too on-the-nose to ignore. I'd go to the police if it starts back up, it's definitely mentally unwell behavior and who knows what it could lead to. Sorry you've had to deal with this.*
>
>*/ I sincerely hope that, for whatever reason, it's not actually your husband, he's my #2 suspect// watched too much Investigation Discovery as a youth* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/xrfrpl/comment/iqf1sxj/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
​
>Please don't accuse your MIL to him. He can connect the dots on his own and bring it up if he wants to discuss it. For now, enjoy your new stalker-free life and go out without fear. [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/xrfrpl/comment/iqflaj2/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
​
[**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yc6y8x/my_story_with_my_deceased_mil_and_my_stalker/)**, posted to** r/TrueOffMyChest\*\*, October 24th 2022.\*\*
​
**My story with my deceased MIL and my stalker**
Hi!
I was here maybe a month ago (if i find it I will post it) talking about me suspecting that my MIL was my stalker who tormented me for years. I was trying to get advice about whether or not to tell my husband who was mourning her. I decided to wait a little but after venting here I was sure that she was my stalker. I started living like I never did before. With 10 minutes walks alone, then 15 then 1/2 hour and so on. At first my husband didn’t notice my freedom or maybe he did but was processing it himself.
Last Friday I told him that I was going out with the girls. Alone? Yes! Want me to drive you there? No need! Are you not afraid anymore? No, my stalker won’t bother me again. He kissed me and wished me a nice evening.
When I came home around midnight, he was still up. He said that he wanted to talk to me. He asked me, was my mother your stalker? Yes! He broke down crying. He said he has always suspected her and even talked to her a couple of times about it and she made him so guilty by accusing him of being my simp(sorry I don’t know a better word for it). He said he noticed how I after so many years of fear and anxiety stopped eventually crying in my sleep and he has noticed that I haven’t woken him up for a a month now. I actually don’t remember half the timea i woke him up in terror but he always told me and my therapist about it whenever it happened. He apologized for never discussing it with me and never protected me from his family even though he had suspicions. Honestly I’m not even mad or disappointed. If the police couldn’t help me I don’t know how much my husband could have done and I just want to move on and leave this behind. We are going to start couples therapy and my husband is planning to tell his family that MIL was my stalker. He is adamant about it and honestly I think its a good idea. My husband has also decided not to attend the headstone setting on MIL’s grave
​
**Top comments**
>*I can't imagine the terror that was inflicted on you throughout this experience. I hope you are proud of yourself and your husband for working together to find closure.*
>
>*It must have been incredibly difficult not telling him your suspicion towards your mother-in-law. You are far stronger than I, and likely most people, would have been if put in this predicament.*
>
>*Congratulations on your newly found freedom. I hope you and your husband find peace and healing in the months and years to come.*
>
>*Please keep us updated on how your inlaws handle the situation. Denial can be difficult to overcome, especially when it revolves around a family members' actions.*
>
>*I remember reading your original post and being deeply troubled by the circumstances you were facing. I don't know you, but I want you to know that I admire your strength.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yc6y8x/comment/itkv8aa/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
>
>>**OOP's response:**
>>
>>*I’m so happy that I got my life back and that my husband doesn’t hate me for it. He believed me*
>>
>>>**Follow up comment:**
>>>
>>>*The love and mutual respect you two share shows so clearly through your story. You had the grace to give him time to come to the realization on his own. He had the grace to recognize how your struggling coincided with his mothers' presence in your lives.*
>>>
>>>*It's a beautiful outcome to a deeply troubling experience. Ya'll must be two very strong people who have found eachother and made the decision to navigate this world as partners.*
>>>
>>>*Here's to a lifetime of love and understanding.*
>>>
>>>>**OOP's response:**
>>>>
>>>>*I wanted so many times to leave the relationship because I couldn’t take the stalking any longer but he has been nothing but supportive and kind to me and i love him so much. I’m glad we stuck together 😊🥰*
​
>*The only risk to clueing family in is that one of them starts it up to say see it wasn't MIL, and trying to clear her name that way? Allowing a bit of a delay to telling them might be wise move, unless you trust them all 100 and they knew how MIL was.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yc6y8x/comment/itkvl6u/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
​
>*I remember your post. I’m amazed you had the self control not to say anything to him, I’m not sure I would have. I’m sorry she put you through such hell but so glad for you that it’s over! I hope that your husband is able to process this and truly come to terms with what his mother put you through. What she ultimately put you both through. Enjoy your freedom from fear and I wish many happy years for you both. :)* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yc6y8x/comment/itkx5qd/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
>
>>**OOP's response:**
>>
>>*I didn’t want to talk to him while he was already down. It didn’t feel right*
​
>*If you have really bad enablers of your MIL, it may not be a good idea to tell them that she was the stalker otherwise your "stalker" may come back by someone trying to clear her name. I would proceed with extreme caution* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yc6y8x/comment/itlogb8/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
​
**NOTE: Marking it as concluded as OOP's second account is also unavailable and I doubt there will be further updates**
# Friendly reminder that I am NOT OP, this is a repost. | swankycelery | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yi80fn/ops_mil_suddenly_dies_in_a_car_accident_and_her/ | yi80fn | 10,049 | 13,465 | [
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2022-10-31T12:14:46 | My [34M] girlfriend [31F] of 2 months is pregnant and wants us to keept the baby. | REPOST | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yia7bz/my_34m_girlfriend_31f_of_2_months_is_pregnant_and/ | yia7bz | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-10-31T12:15:37 | My [34M] girlfriend [31F] of 2 months is pregnant and wants us to keep the baby. | REPOST |
**I am not OP.**
Posted by u/UnexpectedDad
 
[**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/4gooqv/) _- April 27, 2016_
I met my girlfriend on OKCupid in February and had our first date on 25th February. Things then moved really fast and with me staying at her place 5 night out of 7 most weeks.
We became so comfortable so quickly, that she gave me a key before 6 weeks had passed, though she later admitted she mistakingly thought we had been dating much longer.
Yesterday she was very quiet and appeared to be visibly worried and holding something in. After a little questioning she finally admitted she was pregnant.
Neither of us are religious, and I don't believe that life begins at conception, so my first instinct was that we should probably abort this unplanned pregnancy; however, it is her body and I felt the choice was predominantly hers to make, so told her I would fully support what ever decision she made.
She has decided she wants to keep the baby and I'm trying to act really supportive and reassure her that everything will be okay, but inside I'm petrified and suddenly feel very trapped.
She went to the doctor today who confirmed she's around 4 weeks, and scheduled a 12 week scan. She doesn't want us to tell anyone until 12 weeks as due to an existing medical condition there is a slightly higher than normal chance of miscarriage; however, I could really do with some advice/reassurance so I'm turning to you guys instead.
I really don't feel ready for any of this and also really worried this situation will make me resent my girlfriend and ruin our relationship. At the same time I was raised by a single mother and always vowed to never be an absentee father. I'm so confused right now, but trying to act calm for her and be reassuring, but can tell she's worried about me and the situation we found ourselves in.
Help!
TLDR: Found out girlfriend of 2 months accidentally became pregnant around one month after we first met. She wants to keep the baby, and I'm secretly freaked out whilst trying to act supportive.
 
[**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/kt6zil/) _- January 9, 2021_
Stumbled upon this throwaway Reddit account I made almost almost five years ago, and thought my post was probably overdue an update.
Firstly - Guys. Just wear a condom. For the sake of everyone involved.
In the end, I decided to shelf my fears and doubts and commit to the relationship and focus on helping my girlfriend through the pregnancy. We we're both reasonably honest with each other about the reality it might not work out in the long run, but both wanted to make it work.
I joined her at several scans & hospital appointments, parenting classes, and gave notice on my own apartment to move in with her permanently.
Explaining the situation to friends, family and work was an interesting experience given most didn't even know I was in a relationship yet. Before the shock news, my mum had actually joked to me about hurrying up and giving her a grandchild already. Thankfully everyone was really supportive (though some took a while before they could stop laughing).
There were some complications with the pregnancy that resulted in a few stressful times, which were exasperated by the placenta covering the baby making it hard for her to feel babies movements. Eventually though, our daughter was born a little early near the end of 2016. That moment is a indescribable experience, let me tell you.
Since my daughters birth, we bought a home in an area better suited to raising a child, and were married almost a year later.
For those that suggested that the baby might not be mine, I can confirm she looks (and acts) just like me and shares all the distinct features of my family. But even if she wasn't, my daughter and I have built such a strong bond I wouldn't even care.
For those worried my GF was trying to trap me: Over the last few years she helped me clear my debts, forced encouraged me to finally seek professional help in getting my long history of anxiety and depression under control, and also subsequently encouraged and supported me (emotionally and financially) in leaving my well paid but soul-destroying career to retrain and start over from scratch in a far more satisfying career. If this is what trapped feels like, I wholeheartedly recommend it.
In short, this accidental pregnancy was probably the best 'worse thing' to ever happen to me. But I am very aware that I'm most probably the exception that proves the rule.
TLDR: My GF of two months fell pregnant and I freaked out a little (internally, while trying to appear calm for her). Five years later we became parents to a beautiful (and very cheeky) daughter, purchased a new home, and have been happily married for 3 years (in that order). | rainingsakuras | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yia87u/my_34m_girlfriend_31f_of_2_months_is_pregnant_and/ | yia87u | 4,784 | 16,479 | [
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2022-10-31T13:16:18 | OOP - AITA for refusing to give my newborn’s social security number to my aunt? | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/halfbakedlikeacake **in** r/AmItheAsshole
trigger warnings: NONE
mood spoilers: >!Good Compromise!<
[**AITA for refusing to give my newborn’s social security number to my aunt?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bwoxwx/comment/epz1kn2/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- 4th June 2019
Two months ago my wife and I had a beautiful, healthy baby girl, Leyla. Sunday was the first big family get-together we’ve had in the last few months and we received a couple of presents from family members who couldn’t make it to the baby shower.
My aunt had a different idea for a present, she wanted to open a bank account in Leyla’s name and deposit money into it for birthdays, etc. When Leyla turned 18, she’d be able to access the money. I thought it sounded a bit strange since anyone on a joint account can access the money whenever they want but my wife thought it was a responsible thing to do. My aunt called yesterday in order to go open the account, but she wanted Leyla’s social security number. I told her straight up no, I didn’t feel comfortable giving out that information.
She told my mother and my mother got upset at me for it. Not that it’s really her business since I’m 30 and live a state away, but she said I was being too apprehensive about it. I just don’t know why she can’t open an account and just let us add her later.
AITA for not letting my aunt have my newborn daughter’s social security number to open a bank account?
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c5qju8/update_aita_for_refusing_to_give_my_newborns/) \- 26th June 2019
I was able to speak with my aunt and my mother a week and a half ago. My aunt was actually still pretty upset about it and my mother still took her side. I explained why exactly I didn’t feel good about giving her Leyla’s social security number. They both told me about how their aunts/uncles had opened accounts for them 40+ years ago for the exact same purpose and they didn’t see anything wrong with it.
After explaining to them that 40 years ago you didn’t have to worry much about someone stealing your identity, let alone before you could eat solid food, they seemed to understand. We ended up working out a compromise - My wife and I opened a bank account which lets both my aunt and my mother make deposits but not withdrawals, nor can they see any details about the account in their online banking portal. Everything seemed to have worked out well.
Yesterday, my mom called and told me her credit card company had called about a several hundred dollar charge from Romania. She had the card cancelled, looked at her credit, saw a totally different credit card had been opened in her name. She said it completely justified my hesitation. Her information was stolen in the Equifax breach a couple of years ago.
Moral of the story: Trust your gut on financial matters. While my mom and aunt had good intentions in mind, you really can’t be too careful these days.
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | raredontstare | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yibvor/oop_aita_for_refusing_to_give_my_newborns_social/ | yibvor | 3,089 | 6,253 | [
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2022-10-31T14:48:01 | OOP's girlfriend has feelings for his brother in law. | ONGOING |
I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/throwra53464899 in r/trueoffmychest.
Trigger Warning - >!stalking, physical violence!<
Mood Spoiler - >!unsatisfactory!<
[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/y4sa4k/my_girlfriend_confessed_to_having_feelings_for_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (16 Oct 22)
**My girlfriend confessed to having feelings for my sister's husband.**
My girlfriend of 6 months just admitted to having "feelings" for my sister's husband (currently dealing with issues) . I'm confused and hurt but her statement just made sense of all the weird shit that happened in the past couple of months.
I remember when I first brought her to meet my family, BIL didn't come because he was s. My sister kept talking to his sister on the phone to check in on him. I remember we were talking about him and she (hadn't met him yet) just stared.
Second she visited, BIL came and I remember when I stood there with my girlfriend next to me waiting to great BIL, I looked at her and something seemed off with the way she was looking at him. The rest of the evening, she kept to herself and avoided us.
Third time she visited, I noticed that she started dressing up more nicely, putting heavier makeup, ton of perfume etc. I noticed a strange behavior all around. Pluse she seemed distant and refused to let me hold her hand when we were all sitting talking in the living room including BIL.
I then fiubd out that she started visiting my oarents house randomly and without me, probably hoping to see BIL there. At first I couldn't find an explanation but yesterday, she broke down and said that she was no longer sure about us and admitted to having feelings for BIL in the same breath. I blew up at her, I told her to stay the fuck away from my family after she said that she's going to find a way to tell him. We had a fight and I kicked her out.
I feel so fucking dumb right now, I don't know what to do, warn my sistsr or tell bil directly. I feel like I brought this on my family and my now ex girlfriend is threatning to make a move.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ybqppo/update_my_girlfriend_confessed_to_having_feelings/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (24 October 22)
**UPDATE; My girlfriend confessed to having feelings for my sister's husband.**
Hello! So I wanna start off by saying I'm sorry for not making some things clear and answering your questions. My BIL never met my ex before nor they had a history or anything like some here assumed. He's been sick for a while and has been mostly at home.
After my ex and I broke up. I went to my parents house to put them in the picture. I was stunned when mom told me she knew. I asked her to explain and she told me that she noticed my ex's strange behavior after she started visiting alone and asking lots of questions about my BIL. She (my mom) said she somewhat knew my ex was behaving kind of weird at the very mention of BIL. I was urged to not escalate things and just block her and move and not tell my sister or BIL. I was stupid and listened to their advice and 2 days later, my sistee ontacted me saying my ex showed up multiple times to her home but didn't mention anything and said she visited to chat with her. I freaked out and knew that I needed to tell her. I told her to not let her in to her house anymore and arranged for us both to meet at my parents house.
My parents kept trying to talk me out of escalating things because they said my sister may not take this lightly and might get physical with my ex. My sister arrived and I told her what happened. She seemed to be in a state of disbelif and it really took her some time to digust what I told her. My parents tried to downplay it because theg didn't want my sister to do anything irrational and out of anger. I apologized to her and told her that I had no idea how things turned that way and that what happened was too much for me to take but I didn't want this to escalate. My mom suggested we let it slide and move on and not even tell BIL but my sister got into an argument with her telling her to stay out of it then left.
The very next day, I got a call from my mom screaming saying my sister beat up my ex after she showed up to her house and refused to leave before seeing BIL. Both got arrested and this is when my BIL understood everything. He's mad at me and refused to speak to me when I met him at the station to support my sister and give my statement. My mom said I'm thd reason my sister was taken in and I haven't seen them in days. I don't know what they're gonna do. I wanted to file an RO but got told I won't be eligible to get it. Not only that but my ex is the offended party here and me and the family basically "owe her". My BIL wants to see me tonight tk have a 1on1 talk about the whole thing. Honestly I feel ashamed I brought a legit stalker his way and got my suster in to troubke with police because of my ex. They got enough to deal with they don't need this shit on top of it.
**Reminder - I'm not the OOP** | prettiergenghis | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yie7mh/oops_girlfriend_has_feelings_for_his_brother_in/ | yie7mh | 5,231 | 3,413 | [
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2022-10-31T15:11:37 | OP tells a mom she’s responsible if her kid dies and then things take a turn | ONGOING |
I’m not the OP. Original post is by u/Ornery-Form-7090 on r/AmItheAsshole. I have added paragraphs for easier reading.
TW: >!Animal abuse!<
—————————
[AITA for telling a mom that if her kid dies it’s on her?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xgrl1o/aita_for_telling_a_mom_that_if_her_kid_dies_its/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) - 17 Sept -22
I (25F) work in a stable. On Saturday mornings we have beginner groups for kids that want to start riding. Them and their parents gather for about 1.5 hours every Saturday. When the kids have their first lesson I teach them the first three rules that must be followed at all times. 1. No running in the stables/around the horses 2. No screaming in the stables 3. Never ever walk up/stand behind a horse.
This new group had their third lesson today. Usually the kiddos are really good at following the rules and listen to what I say, if they don’t their parents usually step up and get them to behave. But I have this one boy who’s been a problem since day 1. He’s loud, he runs and he’s very disruptive. After the first lesson I pulled his mother aside and ask that she help keep him calm and if he’s not listening to me it would be very helpful if she told him off. I guess she didn’t listen as last week we had the same issues. This time I told him that if he didn’t listen to me he would not get to ride the horses. He threw a tantrum, she didn’t help. Today I was dreading teaching him and I don’t know if my patience is wearing thin or if he was worse than usual but it was driving me crazy.
At one point he’s bolting full speed ahead towards a horse facing away from him. Before he can get too close I manage to grab his arm and pull him to a stop. I guess I grabbed him a little hard because he yelled. His mother storms up to me and grabs her son and tells me not to touch him and how dare I do this to him. I tell her he’s a danger to himself and others. She disagrees and argues with me and at this point I’m fed up and tell her that if he dies in this stable because he scares a horse it would be on her. She’s furious and grabs her son and storms off. The other parents seem relieved about the fact that he’s probably not coming back but when I tell a friend about this she calls me fucking psycho for saying that to a mom. AITA?
—————————
**Relevant comments from OP**
*INFO: how old (approx.) are these kids? NTA either way I’m just wondering*
Youngest kid is 6 oldest is 8. This boy is seven.
*Am I the only one who thinks this kid is not neurotypical? I think OP is NTA for grabbing the kid and saving him from being seriously injured or worse. However, it certainly seems like OP was not understanding of this child's difficulties from the beginning. YTA for the way you spoke to the mom. If you can not handle a neurodiverse child, then you need to speak up. It would have made way more sense to tell the mom early on that you don't feel comfortable teaching her child. The mom may not have liked that, but you would've kept him and all the other children out of danger and had a better environment for everyone. It would also allow that child and his mom to find another program or instructor who was capable of working with him.*
He could be I guess. But it was not something I was informed of and it is not my job to diagnose the kids I teach.
We have groups for special needs children and they usually work perfectly fine. Hell, we have a program for disabled adults who can’t work that come to the stable to help out. Even if the kid is neurodivergent, it is something we could work with, but it was not something we were informed of.
—————————
[Update post](https://www.reddit.com/user/Ornery-Form-7090/comments/y94b3e/update_post/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) - 20 Oct -22
I wasn’t gonna post an update but I’ve been asked for one and I feel like this is crazy enough to warrant an update lol so here we are.
My post got removed bc the mods are aholes :)
The Monday after it all went down my boss/the manager of the stable got a call from the mom. She was furious, demanded her money back for the three lessons etc etc. I had explained everything to my boss before so she told the mom that she wouldn’t get her money back as she had agreed to this when she signed her son up for lessons. She also told her that since her son was a danger not only to himself but to others that he wasn’t welcome back. The mom went batshit and yelled a bunch of obscenities before hanging up.
A calm two weeks followed before shit hit the fan. The first thing that happened was that we arrived to the stable in the morning to find all the ponies had gotten out of their pasture. The ponies are “free range”(?), basically they are outside 24/7. Somehow they had escaped and were thankfully just grazing up in the forest close to the stable. We thought that maybe a wild animal had gotten into the pasture and spooked them? A moose maybe? Whilst we usually don’t have wolfs around here they have been seen close by so it’s not impossible. We checked the fence and fixed it and all was well. Didn’t think much about it. Until it escalated.
One night a couple of days later I get a call that the outhouse the ponies usually sleep in was on fucking fire. It was so scary. Thankfully they were not in the house when this happened but someone wanted to hurt them. You can’t see anything in the pasture at night so you couldn’t see that they were outside.
That day we bought cameras and notified the police of course but they couldn’t do much. They told us it was probably some kids doing it as there have been fires set in dumpsters and a garden shed recently. We installed the cameras and took turns staying in the stable at night. Nothing really happened for a week and a half so we stopped staying there.
A few days later I arrive in the morning to find cuts on some of the horses. Someone had come into the stable at night and fucking hurt the horses. I called my colleagues and the police and when we watched the camera footage there was a man seen entering and exiting the stable. Fucking guess what? It was the husband of the crazy mom!! The police arrested him so hopefully they both get what’s coming to them. It’s been a crazy few weeks and I’m quite tired. But I’m ok and the horses are on their way to ok now as well.
*Reminder: I am not the op* | umeanalatte | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yietr9/op_tells_a_mom_shes_responsible_if_her_kid_dies/ | yietr9 | 6,416 | 24,643 | [
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2022-10-31T15:20:09 | OOP's Ex Has One Final Request | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Expert_Skirt789 in r/relationship_advice**
trigger warning: >!cheating!<
[My (21F) boyfriend (22M) got a blowjob from another girl but he says it's not cheating](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/y8b3o7/my_21f_boyfriend_22m_got_a_blowjob_from_another/) (posted 10/20/22)
I met my boyfriend during my freshman year of college and we've been together for 2 years. Yesterday, an acquaintance of mine said she saw him talking to another girl at a party and that they left together.
I confronted him about it and he admitted that they went to her dorm room but wouldn't say anything else. I kept probing him and he eventually admitted that she gave him a blowjob but said that nothing else happened.
I was furious and almost in tears so I tried to leave but he stopped me and said it didn't count as cheating because he was just using her mouth to masturbate and that it wasn't that different from using a fleshlight.
I told him that we were done and left. Now he's been texting me all day to say he's sorry and that he didn't know that I considered blowjobs to be cheating. In my mind it's 100% cheating but he seems genuinely confused at my reaction. It's not like I never gave him blowjobs so I can't understand why he did this.
He said he wants to talk to me to work things out but I really don't think I can trust him again. I'm still angry and hurt and it hurts even more that he thought I would be ok with this.
Should I even bother meeting with him or should I just finalize the breakup by text? Our relationship has been wonderful up until this happened so I'm just really unsure of what to do.
[Update: My (21F) boyfriend (22M) got a blowjob from another girl but he says it's not cheating](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/y9y5i9/update_my_21f_boyfriend_22m_got_a_blowjob_from/) (posted 10/21/22)
First of all thank you all so much to everyone who told me to leave him and not look back! You really validated my decision and I'm confident I made the right choice, especially because of what he did afterwards.
I decided to finalize the breakup over text but he kept on asking to work it out and insisted we meet. I didn't reply to that but he spotted me at the dining commons today and sat down across from me before I noticed him. He said "I know I made a mistake but we can get past this" as if it were up for debate. I tried to be as brief as possible and just said no to every excuse and plea he made.
Finally he said that if he couldn't persuade me to get back together again could I at least give him one more blowjob. I put my stuff back into my bag and got up to leave and he said "I hope you know I only asked that because you give the best ones I've ever had."
I'm back in my room now and I feel completely disgusted and degraded by what he said. I'm guessing he thought by comparing me to others favorably I'd be more likely to give in.
I've made sure to block his number and on all social media. I'm going out with friends tonight so hopefully I can take my mind off of all this. But I still feel angry and betrayed and it's only gotten worse after our talk.
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | SlobMarley13 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yif1li/oops_ex_has_one_final_request/ | yif1li | 3,217 | 7,872 | [
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2022-10-31T15:42:36 | My father in law lied to my husband that I cheated on him — I DID NOT | ONGOING | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yifmli/my_father_in_law_lied_to_my_husband_that_i/ | yifmli | 9 | 4,415 | [
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2022-10-31T16:31:21 | My (21F) boyfriend (22M) got a blowjob from another girl but he says it's not cheating | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yigwm9/my_21f_boyfriend_22m_got_a_blowjob_from_another/ | yigwm9 | 9 | 0 | [
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2022-10-31T16:48:05 | Found my bf on bumble | ONGOING | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yihc7e/found_my_bf_on_bumble/ | yihc7e | 9 | 2,224 | [
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2022-10-31T17:05:33 | AITA for asking my sister to leave after she tried to kick me out of my own house? | REPOST | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yihtbh/aita_for_asking_my_sister_to_leave_after_she/ | yihtbh | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-10-31T17:29:26 | AITA for asking my sister to leave after she tried to kick me out of my own house? | REPOST | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/jesschristina in r/amitheasshole**
*This was previously posted here a year ago.*
---
&nbsp;
[**AITA for asking my sister to leave after she tried to kick me out of my own house?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/kiezhv/aita_for_asking_my_sister_to_leave_after_she/) - 22 December 2020
My (26F) sister, who I’ll call Emily moved in with her husband (29M), who I’ll call Roger two years back. Emily and I were never very close, but we were family nonetheless.
Recently, they decided to get their house renovated and because it’s been quite disastrous at their place, they asked if they could move in with me last week, I was a little shocked because we haven’t spoken in a while but I said it would be fine with me.
Emily wanted to have a talk-
She asked if her and Roger could have the place to themselves on Christmas Day and Christmas Eve. I asked where she thinks I can go, her response? “I don’t know, get a motel.” She continued to tell me how I can afford a couple days in a motel and it won’t kill me.
She told me it’s nothing against me, it’s just that they have their own traditions and like to spend the holiday together. They chose to get their house renovated during this time, KNOWING it would interfere with their Christmas traditions.
So, I asked them to leave. I can’t put my life on hold and move out because they want to spend the holiday with each other.
They won’t be homeless, my parents took them in but they called me absolutely infuriated because I refused to let them stay, and wouldn’t let them enjoy the holiday after all the trouble they went through with the renovations.
AITA?
EDIT: thank you for the awards and support! I keep seeing the “how could you be an asshole” comment, I understand it, but my entire family did turn against me, that sort of thing messes with your head. Thank you nonetheless for all of your help.
Verdict: NTA
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE: AITA for asking my sister to leave after she tried to kick me out of my own house?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/m29at1/update_aita_for_asking_my_sister_to_leave_after/) - 10 March 2021
It has been a few months since my last post and a lot has changed.
After Christmas, my sister called me to apologize for what she had said, she told me she had been dealing with a lot of issues at that time and she didn’t mean what she said. I felt sorry for her, I really did, so I told her all was okay and that she and Roger are forgiven.
Fast forward a month and Emily and Roger are getting separated, I don’t know their business but I know that financial problems were a big part of it. She had asked to stay with me again and I, feeling sorry for her, said okay.
The first day she came to stay with me was great. We got along well, ordered takeout and watched a movie together, something we haven’t done since we were very young.
Keep in mind that my house has three bedrooms, one belongs to me, one is a guest bedroom and one is just a pretty much empty room. I decided to furnish the smaller guest room instead of the bigger one as I keep my violin and other instruments in there.
She was staying in my guest bedroom, a very small space with just a bed and a nightstand, this was a downgrade from her living space, but she didn’t seem to mind.
About two nights after she came, she asked if there’s anyway that she can switch the rooms. Keep in mind that I had no idea how long she was planning on staying, so I didn’t think it was a big deal. The room has a comfortable bed and a nightstand with some drawers, it’s not permanent, so I told her no. This was when the bigger problems started.
She began to leave her dirty clothes and dishes all over the floor. She’d stained a quilt that a close friend of mine had made for me with food. I asked her to please keep my rooms tidy and she started to breakdown crying. She told me she was feeling very down and that she is sorry. I understand this sort of thing, but I still asked her to keep tidy as she was living here for free.
She kept doing it, however, and I asked her to leave again to stay with my parents... dick move? Maybe, but the room was dirty and smelled disgusting. A few of my friends say I’m too harsh with her, but I had really tried to get along with her, but we just don’t work. She didn’t give my parents her sob story this time, though, and so there were no more fights with my parents.
Fast forward again to last week - my sister gives me a call and apologizes, she told me that she knows we can never be friends, but she hopes we can be civil, I said absolutely.
I want to take a moment to thank all of the people who took time to respond to me, you guys helped me get through Christmas, 2020.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yiijle/aita_for_asking_my_sister_to_leave_after_she/ | yiijle | 4,805 | 8,985 | [
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2022-10-31T17:49:46 | AAM- my boss will not physically acknowledge me in social settings | EXTERNAL | Another one from Ask A Manager. I thought this one was an odd situation, and a lot of the readers seemed to be baffled as well.
**I am not OOP. OOP wrote to Alison on** [**askamanager.org**](https://askamanager.org)
Per Alison's request, her response has not been included in this post but is available to view via the links below.
Mood Spoiler: >!reasonable ending though frankly I have some lingering questions!<
**Original Post: July 14, 2021 (link at the bottom)**
I’ve noticed something odd about how my boss talks to me. He doesn’t physically acknowledge me in social settings — if I’m standing in a group with him and others, he doesn’t look at me at all, but he does look at everyone else. I can’t remember the last time he looked at me in casual conversation, though we’ve been in that setting many times. If I say or ask something, he’ll acknowledge or answer it, and will even address me directly, but he never looks at me or even turns to face me. I’ve looked, and I’ve not seen him do this with anyone else — just me.
This even happens when there’s just one other person — he’ll face them and not me, even while directly addressing me. A non-English speaker would easily think he wasn’t talking to me.
I once told a friend I’d buy them a drink if my boss looked at me during a conversation. It lasted 10 minutes, and he engaged everyone else, but I didn’t have to buy a drink. On another occasion, I pulled faces at him to see if he’d notice. He didn’t, even though he verbally addressed me many times — while looking at someone else.
When we talk over email or over the phone, there’s nothing unusual, and he will look at me when we talk about something work-related. It’s just face-to-face social settings where he doesn’t look at me.
During Covid, we’ve been completely remote, but we’re just starting to reopen, and so I’ve started to notice it again. I’ve observed it pretty often now and I really don’t think I’m mistaken.
I otherwise have a good relationship with him. I like my work, and he clearly respects me professionally, trusts me with projects, and gives me opportunities. I also get along with him personally — he’s invited my husband and me over to dinner on occasions (my husband works in the same place), and shared personal details with me that he doesn’t talk about with many others — things like that.
This isn’t directly related, but worth mentioning as it may be relevant: a while ago, I made a pretty major mistake. When he caught wind of it, his response was to ring my husband up and have him talk to me (my husband’s role has no crossover with mine). He never spoke to me about it directly at all. I apologized for the mistake, but told him I needed him to talk to me directly and not use my husband as proxy. He did sort of back down, though I don’t think he really understood. And I never got a full apology, though my husband did.
What I really want to ask is, why might he be doing this? And also, should I (or even, can I) call him out on it? Calling him out in the moment seems difficult — there are necessarily other people around when he does it, so unless there’s a super subtle way of doing it, I don’t see how I can, but is it really worth having a separate conversation with him? Or should I just let it go?
A couple of years ago, I would probably have said “I don’t mind, I’m just puzzled by it.” But now, I’m starting to mind.
&#x200B;
*Alison responded with some questions including "has this always happened/when did it start, did it start after the incident with your husband, and when you are at his place for dinner, does he look at you?"*
&#x200B;
I’ve known him almost six years, and as far as I can tell, it’s always happened, though I’ve become more aware of it probably in the past three years. At least I can’t recall it suddenly starting.
He doesn’t look at me at his house either, though it’s less noticeable. Sometimes it’s just my husband and me, sometimes there’s one or two others (he has people over reasonably often). When it’s just my husband and me over, I do get the impression he’d rather be talking just to my husband, but maybe felt he had to invite me over too — to the extent that if we’re asked again, I would probably find an excuse not to go and let my husband go on his own.
**Alison's response** [here](https://www.askamanager.org/2021/07/my-boss-will-not-physically-acknowledge-me-in-social-settings.html)
&#x200B;
**Update** [Post](https://www.askamanager.org/2022/06/update-my-boss-will-not-physically-acknowledge-me-in-social-settings.html)**: June 30, 2022**
Thank you for answering my question! It was so helpful and validating to know that yes, this was bizarre, as well as encouraging me to broach it with my boss. Because it didn’t affect our working relationship hugely, I didn’t know if this particular sleeping lion was worth poking. I also loved your wild speculations – as well as from the AAM commentariat. I’ve spent a lot of energy speculating what might be going on, so it was pretty nice and amusing to see so many other people getting so invested too! I still don’t know for definite what was happening with him, but I do think I have a clearer idea now.
I have a bit of trouble believing sexism or discrimination is a factor. He seems to connect a lot with people who often get sidelined (not only with women, but also people with less natural charisma, the less attractive, minorities, things like that) — nothing I can describe really well, but I get a very welcoming and accepting vibe from him that’s honestly refreshing, so I found the discrimination theory kind of hard to believe for that reason.
While I may be biased, I also found it hard to believe he has a crush on me… or on my husband, but that’s less easy to pin down. He is, however, definitely fond of my husband (they have similar interests) which I think I brushed off before, but like some commenters pointed out, he does go to somewhat of an effort to talk to my husband. On one occasion a couple of years ago he had a pretty serious injury that landed him in hospital, and while recovering, my husband was one of the first people he rang. I certainly don’t know of any other colleagues he rang. I’ll also add to that incident — my husband and I sent him a “get better” card. He texted my husband to say thank you. He didn’t contact or mention me.
I still don’t find the crush idea plausible, but maybe a version of it might be? You could call it a professional crush perhaps? Though I don’t think that can be the only reason he doesn’t look at me – he avoids looking at me when my husband isn’t around too.
Some commenters suggested he might find me attractive, a few others suggested he might find me the opposite – I’m not conventionally attractive, so that’s unlikely to be a factor, but I am pretty large and busty, so it might have something to do with those.
As far as I’m aware, I’m not a ghost.
His wife I’ve only met once, maybe twice, and she seems lovely and normal.
A lot of the commenters suggested calling him out when it happens, but that’s not really so simple to do. While there are occasions where he’ll clearly be talking directly to me and looking at someone else, that doesn’t happen very often — more often we’ll be standing or sitting in a group of about \~5 (maybe over a coffee) and he’ll chat and glance at everyone in that circle in turn except me. Or sometimes he’ll make a comment to someone and I’ll think “that was an odd comment to make to John about sailing — I’ve not known him have any interest in sailing.” And then later remember I recently told him about going sailing when younger and realise that comment was probably meant for me. Put enough of those occasions together, and you start to notice a pattern.
So I decided I would speak to my boss, using the script you provided (I’d also love to shout out to commenter animaniactoo, who gave some helpful scripts as well). I asked him privately using your script: “Can I ask you something a bit awkward? Have I done anything to bother you or make you feel uncomfortable?” He was pretty taken aback (I guess predictably), and I told him that he often didn’t look at me but did seem to look at everyone else.
Talking to him worked — for a while. After that conversation, he did start to look at me a lot more. It did sometimes feel a bit forced or awkward, but I didn’t mind that. But a few months down the line, I started to notice it happening less, and now he’s … maybe marginally better than before? But not a lot.
From what I’ve learned since, I think the key factors have to be:
1) I’m not neurotypical, and
2) neither is my boss.
I have Asperger’s syndrome, and I suspect he does as well. After I spoke to him initially, he did explain he has some degree of neurodivergence, and that might be why he often didn’t make eye contact with people when they might expect him too, though I didn’t think that explained why he did this primarily with me. I shared with him that I have Asperger’s (I’m not normally “out” at work). From his reaction, I think he’d maybe guessed, and he did seem to suggest my neurodivergence might be a factor too. I think perhaps he feels a bit socially awkward sometimes, and he senses a similar energy from me which is why he can’t look at me? I don’t know exactly what’s going on, but I think that has to be something to do with it.
I don’t know what my next move’s going to be, but for now I’m just trying not to care.
Thank you again for encouraging me to talk to him, and for validating that this was definitely unusual. Aside from this, my job is going really well, and I’ve had the chance to take on more responsibilities, which have gone well and I’ve really enjoyed. I really enjoy my work and believe in the company, so this one behavior did bother me, so I feel happier knowing it’s probably not me. Many thanks for publishing my letter and for your advice!
&#x200B;
**Personally my favorite line in this whole thing is "As far as I'm aware, I'm not a ghost."** | LucyAriaRose | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yij60q/aam_my_boss_will_not_physically_acknowledge_me_in/ | yij60q | 10,032 | 3,421 | [
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2022-10-31T19:48:43 | Million Dollar Student Loan Issue | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yimsbe/million_dollar_student_loan_issue/ | yimsbe | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-10-31T19:50:09 | MCEX scummed me | ONGOING | [removed] | Puzzleheaded-Plan336 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yimtup/mcex_scummed_me/ | yimtup | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-10-31T20:46:58 | My boss suspended me for his negligence so I ruined his life. | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yioghc/my_boss_suspended_me_for_his_negligence_so_i/ | yioghc | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-10-31T20:51:46 | I(30M) strongly believe my best friend(30M) is in love with my gf(29F) | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/generalbeneficial675 in r/relationship_advice**
trigger warning: >!body shaming!<
---
&nbsp;
[**I(30M) strongly believe my best friend(30M) is in love with my gf(29F)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/xpx7wg/i30m_strongly_believe_my_best_friend30m_is_in/) - 28 September 2022
I would like advice if should I simply cut him off with no explanation or should I confront him?
Just for background, my gf and I have been together going on 5 years. I love her, my love for her has evolved and in the near future I plan to propose.
Now my best friend lets call him Connor, I've known since childhood.
Since the beginning Connor has never said anything good about my gf. He would "joke" when we would hangout about her weight.
At first I took his words as a joke but after a while I told him that I didn't like it when he goes in on her appearance and he stopped talking about it for a bit.
About a week ago Connor, his gf, my gf and I took to a trip Vegas and it brought something to my attention.
So my gf is beautiful and I know this and even others know this because when we go out clubbing or anything really, guys constantly ask her to for her number, to dance or buy her drinks. This doesn't bother me because I can hold my own of I have to and honestly getting drunk on another man's dime doesn't hurt me either.
Well Connor was talking out his neck this one night as my gf brought me drink after drink men were buying for her. She was passing them to me and Connor's gf too, so we were all pretty drunk but at one point Connor pulled my gf to the side and just went off talking about "Why are you flirting with these men? have you forgotten you have a man" it sounded like he was her boyfriend and not me. I jumped in and told him to lay off her but he wouldn't stop.
It got so bad that the night ended a little early, once we were in the room, I asked my gf what she thought of Connor's behavior she said "honestly I hate it it makes uncomfortable that he acts like a jealous boyfriend or something" I take my lady's words into consideration, and I agree.
All the "jokes" he tried to make about her, acting like her bf even if I was around because of the attention she gets. Then a memory of another time where we argued about what she wore to a state fair double date we had gone with him and his gf because he felt it wasn't appropriate but really she looked amazing and I loved her fit, so it didn't make sense then but it feels like it makes sense now.
Part of me wants to confirm but other part just wants to act like we simply grew apart.
Any advice is appreciated.
**Update:**
Hey ya'll this post really took off. I wasn't going to update simply because there wasn't much of anything to update about.
In the end, I did confront Connor and well a whole lot of nothing happened. Just some yelling back and forth, he acknowledge that he acted crazy with my girl but no accountability from his part was said.
I was hurt about the exchange and I wasn't gonna stop until I got to the bottom of it. So I did what I could to try and get clarity because ya'll have to see my side, I grew up with this man. I saw him as my brother and potential best man and I really wanted to know if he turned into a disgusting person right before my eyes before I start mourning the loss of our friendship.
Anyway, Connor and I used to play 2K, a basketball video game, and on here we were part a squad of people we only met online, however I am super close to one of them, let's call him Brad.
I PM'd Brad a little rundown of what had happened between Connor and I and explained that I wasn't going to play for a bit, just in case Connor was and probably open his big mouth and try and turn the guys against me or something. Well today I received hella photos from Brad, there from the group chat he and the others are in with Connor, and he is just a real piece of shit.
To all the women that expressed that he was a sexist MF ya'll were so right, and on top off him being a piece of shit person, he's fatphobic.
I didn't add this detail about my girl because I didn't think it was necessary but she's plus size, I know to some guys thats a deal breaker to me I could care less. And if I am sincerely honest I think I learned the true meaning of jealousy ever since she chose to be my girl. In the beginning I needed so much reassurance from her that its a little embarrassing because I dated all types of body types but she definitely has been the one that I would stake my claim with over the top PDA because some fools really made me see red.
Anyway Connor said hella disrespectful ass shit that I am ready to bury our friendship because just seeing his true colors, makes me so upset and sad.
Connor also shared photos of her on this damn group chat as to justify his name calling of her, part of me wants to beat his ass for that the other I guess is ready to be sad and move on.
Theres the update ya'll, sorry to disappoint the few that thought he was in love with me, that would've been a whole other thing of it own lol.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yiokvk/i30m_strongly_believe_my_best_friend30m_is_in/ | yiokvk | 5,172 | 6,774 | [
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2022-10-31T21:38:42 | AITA for refusing to speak to my coworker? | REPOST | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/freddiethroaway in r/amitheasshole**
*This was previously posted here a year ago.*
trigger warning: >!mentions of sexual harassment!<
mood spoiler: >!all ends well!<
---
&nbsp;
[**AITA for refusing to speak to my coworker?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n4l8ou/aita_for_refusing_to_speak_to_my_coworker/) - 4 May 2021
I know how it sounds and looks, please save all judgements until after reading everything.
I (27m) work with my partner of six years, Jamila (24f). We've worked together for as long as we've been together, and most of our coworkers are aware of our relationship. We are married as of 2020.
We recently took on a new intern Olivia, who's in my department. I do most of her training and have been her "mentor" through most of her time here. Due to this, she spends a lot of her breaks with me and my group and leaves around the same time I do. Jamila comes to visit me during lunch and there is light PDA. She'll put her hand on my chest, take a bite of my lunch, squeeze my muscles, the usual flirty stuff. It's not an issue usually so I didn't think it would be one now.
My wife came home crying last Friday as she'd been reported to HR for harassment. There wasn't any real repercussions since as soon as they opened her file they saw that we were married (HR documents these things). I didn't know of anyone who could've reported her until this Monday, Olivia asked me if Jamila was still groping me. I asked her what she meant and she told me she put in a report with HR because she saw Jamila grab my ass in the parking garage.
To be fair, Jamila *did* grab my ass, however the advance wasn't unwanted. I explained to Olivia that Jamila and I were married however she was firm in her belief that Jamila shouldn't touch me at all at work and that it sends a weird message to others at work.
Since then I've avoided speaking to Olivia if things aren't work related and it's been affecting her emotionally. I still greet her and say my goodbyes when it's time to leave, but she's asked to get coffee together and I told her I'd be spending my breaks with Jamila or another coworker and I don't invite her if I'm going somewhere for lunch. She's been very sad and inattentive at work and my coworkers are telling me to stop treating her this way because she was just looking out for my best interest
Am I the asshole for refusing to speak to her if it's not work related?
Verdict: NTA
INFO: the PDA I mentioned is light touches, and it's usually during breaks. We'll share lunch, drink off of each other's cups, I'll occasionally hug her and she'll grab my arm or lean her head on me. We aren't making out and grabbing each other at work outside of that one instance.
As far as introductions go, I told Olivia that Jamila was my "partner" as that is usually how the company asks spouses to refer to one another.
**Also I'm not ignoring her, however if it's not work related ex: "Where is this?" "How is this done?" "Can you send out this email?" then I don't entertain it. She's not being hindered to do her job.
*** Jamila's case with HR was closed fully this past week. I've spoken to a supervisor and asked that Olivia no longer be my trainee and that she be placed with a female manager, as to avoid any further discomfort. Olivia was in attendance for this call and pointed out that she was no longer invited to lunch/breaks and that she felt I was retaliating against her.
Our supervisor did inform her that workplace retaliation doesn't apply as breaks and lunches are not included in business operations and that these times are allowed to be as exclusive as employees see fit.
She asked to not be moved from my team and in the end the decision was left up to me, however I couldn't see things getting better so I asked to move forward with having her be placed elsewhere. I did take into consideration my fellow coworkers and apologized if I've made them uncomfortable, the overall consensus was that they never cared either way and were just upset that Olivia was upset as it was causing some discomfort for others. Although Jamila and I have started leaving the office for breaks and have limited the touching.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yipqqi/aita_for_refusing_to_speak_to_my_coworker/ | yipqqi | 4,291 | 11,669 | [
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2022-11-01T03:18:05 | I hooked up with a girl who put me in an unusual situation | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yixbci/i_hooked_up_with_a_girl_who_put_me_in_an_unusual/ | yixbci | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-01T06:39:39 | OP Bails On Planning Her Brothers Wedding After He Uninvited Their Other Brother Bc He's Gay (AITA Oct 30, '22) | CONCLUDED | [removed] | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yj1444/op_bails_on_planning_her_brothers_wedding_after/ | yj1444 | 9 | 145 | [
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2022-11-01T07:38:39 | I think I got a crush that isn't a dude for the first time | ONGOING | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yj25hl/i_think_i_got_a_crush_that_isnt_a_dude_for_the/ | yj25hl | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-01T08:08:42 | OP's Mom Dies, He Inherits The House & Asks His Step Family To Leave (AITA Oct 16 '22) | CONCLUDED | Originally posted by u/Livid-Cheesecake-995
in r/AmItheAsshole on Oct 6, '22, updated Oct 16, '22.
[Original post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xx9ybl/aita_for_kicking_my_moms_boyfriend_and_his_kids/)
AITA for kicking my mom's boyfriend and his kids from the house I inherited after my mom's death. They went to homeless shelter.
I really don't know if I'm AH in this case. I appologize for my bad english.
My(19M) parents divorced when I was 6. My mom got a boyfriend(Josh) and they started living together when I was 9. He had twin daughters, who were 4 when they moved in. Their mother was not in their lives anymore. My mom took them in as their own. I admit that I was a little jealous because they had her full time and me only 50% of time. I think my mom loved them more too.
I was a quiet kid and spent most of my time in my room when my mom had me. I didn't want any siblings. My mom tried but to no avail. By the time I was 16, I rarely spent time at my mom's place. And when I went to college I got an apartment, even though my mom lived in the same city as my college.
Mom tragically passed in December. Because Josh and her never got married for some reason, I inherited everything, including her house. I allowed Josh and the kids to still live there. I payed half the bills as he is strugling because of low paying job.
My lease ends in December and I decided to move into my house after. I sat down with Josh and told him I was moving in January. Since this is my house I will take the bedroom and he will move to my old room. He started crying how bedroom is his safe space and all my mom's things are there which gives him peace. I told him he can move few of her things to my old room (my room is 1/3 of the bedroom). He started crying even more that he doesn't want to abandon their bedroom. I was pretty pissed at that moment, so I told him to just get out of the house then as I don't have energy to deal with this shit. I have since cooled down. But 3 days later he sent me a message to notify me where he left the keys and that they moved out. I found out they went to homeless shelter.
I got messages from my mom's side of family how I am heartless and cruel to kick them out. How the twins lost mom and home in less than a year. Twins texted me how they cant believe their own brother made them homeless and asked me what the did wrong. My dad and his family told me I did nothing wrong. I do feel bad for them, but I still think I decide who gets what room in my house. AITA?
Edit: I will call Josh today and ask him to meet. I will try to sort things through and I hope we will come to an agreement. Thank you everyone for opinions and suggestions.
*Adding in some extra info that I missed initially (thank you to those who pointed it out!):*
[info from a comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xx9ybl/comment/irdn4os/)
I let them live in the house and payed half of the bills(ok, not me, my dad) as a way to share with them. I will probably give them whats left of my mom's savings, after lawsuit is completed. I left that money alone because my mom was responsible for accident and left one person disabled (He is suing me right now). I think I am generous.
[And here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xx9ybl/aita_for_kicking_my_moms_boyfriend_and_his_kids/irdfr0x?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3)
Actually, to be fair, I suggested that. They didn't get any inheritance, and Josh is strugling with money, that was least I could do. They lives rent free and half of utilities payed. Now, a lot of people may wonder where I get the money from; my dad is actually paying for my apartment and house utilities. Mom did have savings, but civil lawsuit is pending. She caused an accident and innocent person ended up disabled. Their family thinks insurance didnt pay enough so they filled lawsuit against me. They will likely win. This is why I dont touch moms savings.
[Update 10 days later](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y5pqz5/update_aita_for_kicking_my_moms_boyfriend_and_his/)
I want to say thank you for all the advices and support you gave me. I even appreciate the ones that didnt agree with me as I gave me another points of view I didnt think of.
A lot has happened since my first post. We had first mediation meeting about lawsuit and we reached an agreement. I will have to pay 1/4 of the savings my mom left me, which a lot less than I thought.
I met with Josh a day after my post. It went...unexpected. i appologized for my hot headed response. I told him I didnt really mean it and invited him back home. He told me no. He admitted that it was actually very hard for him to live there. He saw my mom everywhere he looked and it was very hard for him. He took my "kicking them out" as opportunity to leave the house without his daughters resenting him. He basically made me a bad man. He appologized for that. He didnt know his daughters called my grandparents and me. When he found out, he confessed to his daughters and to my grandparents what he told me. I dont care either way about my grandparents as we have no relationship.
How he found out? My dad talked to him before me. My dad wanted to help him so he called him. He even got Josh 10 free seasions with his good friend, who is grief therapist. And its my dad that convinced him to talk to me. My dad is my hero and in this case the real master of puppets lol.
Josh will move in temporarily to my grandparents. I talked to my dad about the money. I decided to give Josh the rest of my mom's savings. He can buy a nice apartment and still has some left over. Josh was very happy and thanked me over and over again. I did it for the piece of my mind. We probably wont have much of a relationship moving forward.
For me, this is chapter of my life that is closed. I will probably sell the house after my graduation from college. It has no sentimental meaning to me.
Thats it. I hope there will be no need for anymore updates. | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yj2mvy/ops_mom_dies_he_inherits_the_house_asks_his_step/ | yj2mvy | 6,062 | 13,156 | [
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2022-11-01T14:15:19 | AITA for abandoning my parents and risking them losing the house? | CONCLUDED | **I am not OP.**
Posted by u/No_University_4105 on r/AmItheAsshole
TW: >!Emotional abuse, manipulation!<
Mood Spoiler: >!Bittersweet ending!<
&nbsp;
[**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p5k9je/aita_for_abandoning_my_parents_and_risking_them/) _- August 17, 2021_
When I was in college I fell in with the wrong people. Became a bit of an alcoholic and got pregnant. I had to drop out of college. My daughter's father was also a college student. I ended up going back to school and finishing up my degree.
The issue was that her father he got a very lucrative career path in his home state when she was 2. He didn't want to move if it meant he would lose custody and my parents were only willing to fund my education in this particular college. we decided that all things considered, the best thing for our child was that she be with her dad and his very supportive family. I regret that decision every day but it was the best thing for my child.
I have completed college and have been working for a year and half. I have been paying for everything. My parents are eye balls deep in consumer debt and all of their income goes to servicing it and adding to it while I pay for everything else. It is frustrating as I don't make enough to keep them happy. I wanted to move out but I was not able to land anything worthwhile. I have been able to get a pretty decent remote role.
My brother ended up moving to my ex's state. He asked me if I wanted to move in with them. I jumped on the opportunity. I lied to my parents that I was just visiting him and flew out. I have been staying with him ever since.
My parents are incredibly angry. They have accused me of abandoning them. They think they will lose the house. They want me to still help them and move back.
I feel like an asshole because they have helped me. They took me in when I was someone on the edge of alcoholism and now I am sober and productive member of society. It could have been so much worse without their help and I was pretty underhanded about it too.
&nbsp;
[**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qe408a/update_aita_for_abandoning_my_parents_and_risking/) _- October 23, 2021_
It has been two months since I posted and a lot has happened. The commenters helped me a lot. I was dealing with a lot of guilt about leaving my parents and people helped me feel less like a horrible daughter.
I have moved out and got a place of my own. It is only half an hours drive from my ex's home. I get to see my daughter every week. I go over to his place every other day. I missed her so much. Just being able to play with her tells me that I made the right decision.
My parents have tried to contact me and guilt me. I did send them rent for a month but I cut them off. The only reason I have savings is because I hid money from them. I couldn't say no to them. It was horrible. They are planning on selling the house and buying a smaller one. They will have no savings left for retirement.
My sister who I have really strained relationship with called me and tried to tell me that I should at least help them out after they paid for my college. She had a specific figure which was way more than they spend. I told her they didn't pay that much for my education. She didn't believe me but I send her the receipts. So, they had asked her for money and she had given them the money. They had told her that they needed money because they were paying for my tuition. They just inflated how much they were paying on my behalf.
It is a lot. I know she hates me, we were played off against each other growing up. I can't describe how emotional it made me to realize she still cared enough about me to help my parents. I know for a fact the she wouldn't have given them any money if they weren't helping me. It is a lot to work through.
Things are pretty messed up right now but I have a place of my own, I can see my daughter, I have a great job and I am sober. | rainingsakuras | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yj9tyz/aita_for_abandoning_my_parents_and_risking_them/ | yj9tyz | 3,994 | 5,992 | [
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2022-11-01T14:40:25 | AITA for telling my the person I’m dating I don’t have kids. | CONCLUDED | [original and update is at the end as an edit](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yb2syo/aita_for_telling_my_the_person_im_dating_i_dont/)
I AM NOT OOP , original posted 10d ago (22nd oct 2022)
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I (28m) recently got into a car accident. I’m fine, I wasn’t at fault, but my car was a total loss. I’m happy about it though, normally I get a new car every year or so, but because of the loan I had to take on this one I kept it for longer and was genuinely bored of it.
My insurance paid me out for the wreck, and with savings and the insurance money I dropped cash on a used Scion FR-S. For those unaware it’s a little two door, stick shift “sports car.”
The problem starts with the girl I’m seeing, “Jen” (24f) and her son “Zeke” (3). I was showing Jen the car, how much I liked it and that it was a goal for a long time to buy a car of this caliber in cash. She got in, saw the back seat, and said “wow, you really can’t fit anyone back there, even a kid.” I said “yea but it’s really just me driving it so I don’t need a big car, and I don’t have kids so I really didn’t need to be sensible.” She immediately got out of the car and asked if Zeke meant anything to me. I said Zeke was awesome, he’s a great kid but he’s not mine. She asked if I was even ready for the responsibility of a kid and I said Zeke is the only one I’ve spent this much time with, but I’ve only been dating her 4 months and have known him 2, so I really hadn’t thought of him as more than her kid. She said I was seriously immature, and acting like a teenager with my stupid car and grow up.
I haven’t talked to her at all since the conversation, which was yesterday, but she’s texted me a few times letting me know how she feels. Her brother also let me know I needed to “man up” and start taking things seriously
The most confusing part is she drives a Honda Pilot. A whole ass SUV. If I need to shuttle Zeke around I can use her car, I’m never alone with him anyway.
ETA fake names
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**VERDICT:NTA**
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**Update**
because I wanna just get it out there lol. The accident happened two weeks ago, I bought the new car Monday, this all happened Thursday night. After she blew up I never replied to her texts that night. I was upset and wasn’t in the head space to calmly talk about what happened. So I smoked some weed, played GTA, and fell asleep. I worked today (Saturday) and wasn’t able to check my phone. I work at a shop building high performance cars on Saturdays, so I need all my focus going to clients that spend $20k+ on these things. I came home and had a small conversation via text with her, where I then made this post. After I told her over text I’m not selling the car, but I’m a few months I’ll finance a truck since I need one to tow the boat, (I promise I’m not rich, just professionally poor, I buy junk and fix it up) and she did not think this was an acceptable response. I left it alone again and went to my parents house to hang out with them and relax. She just called me absolutely HAMMERED drunk, and went on a 20 minute ramble about the choices I make in my life and how she expected me to be a better person. I don’t want to get this post banned from the subreddit so I’ll just say I no longer have to worry about being Zekes stepdad or what Jen thinks about my automotive situation. I really liked her so it’s kind of a bummer, but these comments and her phone call opened my eyes to a big pot of Marinara flags she was Cookin.
That’s really the only update I have, I really hoped it’d be more dramatic lol.
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**Relevant comment from OOP:**
* I have no problem with kids or even being “stepdad” if that ever came around. I’m just not actively trying to have kids of my own. I say “child free” because it’s easier than explaining “I’ve been surrounded by babies and young kids my entire life and am perfectly fulfilled not having my own, but if a future paper has them/wants them I have no issue fathering or caring for a child.” | bojapoi | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yjafoj/aita_for_telling_my_the_person_im_dating_i_dont/ | yjafoj | 4,011 | 7,213 | [
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2022-11-01T15:03:34 | Soon everyone will know he’s been messing with his stepmother and stepsister | ONGOING | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yjazj3/soon_everyone_will_know_hes_been_messing_with_his/ | yjazj3 | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-01T15:10:19 | OOP - My [29f] boyfriend [25m] admitted that he forced himself on a woman several years ago. | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/ThrowRABFadmission **in** r/relationship_advice
trigger warnings: >!rape, sexual assault, and sexual violence!<
mood spoilers: >!Somewhat decent ending, OOP did the right thing for herself!<
[**My \[29f\] boyfriend \[25m\] admitted that he forced himself on a woman several years ago.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ikhr8n/my_29f_boyfriend_25m_admitted_that_he_forced/) \- 1st September 2020
I'm going to preface this post with a disclaimer: it contains rape. If you find it distressing to read about this kind of topic, I urge you to stop reading now.
I have been with my boyfriend, Jason, for a year now. Jason is the first boyfriend I've had who puts real effort into truly listening to and understanding me. He can listen quietly as I describe a list of events from start to finish, while he only backchannels and then in the end expresses nothing but sympathy or helpful commentary. When I am facing a tough decision, he asks helpful questions which help guide me in the right direction. When I'm in trouble, without a second of thought he is the first person I call. He is a dream come true.
My parents love him.
My sisters love him.
My friends love him.
The only person who ever disliked him was a male friend of mine (completely platonic) who said he gave him the creeps. I have since fallen out with this male friend for tangentially related reasons. Also he was kind of a gigantic dickhead so I don't think he had any sixth sense. He just never had a nice thing to say about anyone but himself.
Anyway. Two nights ago, Jason and I were discussing our first real crushes. It was an innocent enough topic as, being completely devoted to each other, we have grown well past any jealousy issues in our relationship. I went first, talking about a boy I knew in college who ultimately broke my heart. When it was Jason's turn, I realized it wasn't a silly rom-com like mine. It was a fucking horror story.
He called it "a dumb misunderstanding." He described stealing a pair of her underwear.
He called it "a drunken mistake." He described pushing up against her and touching her butt without her consent at a party.
He called it "one stupid night." She was completely drunk in her bed. He climbed in. He took off her clothes. She was half asleep. He inserted himself inside of her. The way he tells it, it wasn't even sex. It was one person acting on a victim. His retelling of the events ends with her crying and kicking him out, never to talk again. I know he truly regrets it because by the end of his story he was full-on sobbing. He didn't deny a thing and said that yes, he had raped her, which led to him wanting to improve himself and learn how to respect women. He saw my reaction and asked if I thought he was a monster.
I told him I needed space and left. I didn't even pack anything; my sister picked me up and drove me to Rite Aid where I bought toiletries. My life has been torn apart because no matter how much I think it over, I have no desire to talk to him. Hearing his voice would probably give me a panic attack. In a true Jason fashion, he has given me all the space I need, not contacting me once.
I've never been in a situation like this. The person I would normally turn to when my life was on the ropes just admitted he did something which, if convicted, would get him put in prison for several years. I can't talk to my sisters or family because if I do that they'll probably never let me within a mile of him again.
Sorry, I think I'm just rambling now. I'm desperate for any ideas on how to proceed or even if my relationship can proceed at this point.
TL;DR: my boyfriend, a guy so great I thought we were bound for marriage, just admitted that he raped a woman several years ago. We are separated right now and I don't know what to do.
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/irae0z/update_my_29f_boyfriend_25m_admitted_that_he/) \- 12th September 2020
Hello again everybody. It has now almost been two weeks since my boyfriend admitted he committed one of the most despicable acts possible against another human being. TW: rape, sexual assault, and sexual violence. If these topics hurt you in any way, please stop reading now.
The whole situation still feels surreal. I have gone from being angry at him to being angry at myself. I have written long texts to him and then deleted them completely. I have gone through stages of denial where I thought that Jason, being such a good guy, may not have actually done anything wrong? Maybe a woman gaslighted him into feeling that he had committed a crime when she consented at the time?
Then I realized that everyone who commented on my last post hit the nail squarely on the head. He didn't go to the police to turn himself in for what he did. If he truly felt remorse, that is what he would have done. His charm and natural "understanding" of women's problems were complete ruses; many people with sociopathic tendencies are great with people. Most of all, he gets to cry and move on with his life. He gets to love another woman again. His victim? I can't even fathom what she's going through.
I finally called him two nights ago. He wanted to talk about how we could mend our relationship, but after two weeks of not hearing his voice and being scared of how I may run back to him, it hit me like a truck: I don't love him anymore. I told him that I wanted him to vacate his apartment for three hours while I gathered my belongings. He said he would do so. I ended the call by telling him that if he felt any remorse, he would go to the police and accept all charges for what he did, not contest them in court, and take his punishment. He started talking about how that wouldn't bring justice to his victim. Then he said that he loved me. Twisted fuck.
I showed up the next morning at the decided time with my sister, he was nowhere to be seen. I'm confident he won't contact me again.
Thank you all so much for helping me through this. I'm going to find a therapist as soon as possible.
TL;DR: my rapist boyfriend won't turn himself in, and I broke up with him. I safely gathered my belongings and now I'm living with my sister.
Edit: I apologize for editing the post, but after receiving a couple of private messages asking me to drop his personal information, I must make one thing clear: I will not, under any circumstances, post any identifying information about him. It is not only against sitewide rules, but if I were reckless enough to do that, he could sue me. Again, I repeat: nobody is getting his information. He is a monster. He probably deserves worse. But it will not be coming from me.
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | raredontstare | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yjb5h7/oop_my_29f_boyfriend_25m_admitted_that_he_forced/ | yjb5h7 | 6,772 | 7,271 | [
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2022-11-01T15:26:21 | 8 Easy steps to eliminate your debt in record time | NEW UPDATE | [removed] | Bubbly-Strike9595 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yjbjxe/8_easy_steps_to_eliminate_your_debt_in_record_time/ | yjbjxe | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-01T15:27:57 | Soon everyone will know he’s been messing with his stepmother and stepsister | ONGOING | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yjblhk/soon_everyone_will_know_hes_been_messing_with_his/ | yjblhk | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-01T16:39:08 | AITA for still going to my sister's wedding after my husband canceled my plane ticket? | INCONCLUSIVE | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yjdlti/aita_for_still_going_to_my_sisters_wedding_after/ | yjdlti | 9 | 2 | [
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2022-11-01T16:44:04 | My (16m) baby sister (14f) lost her virginity to a jerk and I'm sick (re-upload from r/relationshipadvice because it got taken down) | ONGOING | THEBEASTcraftRS | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yjdqyf/my_16m_baby_sister_14f_lost_her_virginity_to_a/ | yjdqyf | 0 | 1 | [
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|
2022-11-01T16:52:19 | OOP and their daughter can see their landlord having sex in a communal greenhouse | REPOST | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yjdzc7/oop_and_their_daughter_can_see_their_landlord/ | yjdzc7 | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-01T17:13:39 | OOP slept with her bf’s mom before they met | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yjekx5/oop_slept_with_her_bfs_mom_before_they_met/ | yjekx5 | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-01T17:21:56 | OOP (25M) Found out he's been dating his father (47M) for almost four months | CONCLUDED | [removed] | Doomofaplanet | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yjetii/oop_25m_found_out_hes_been_dating_his_father_47m/ | yjetii | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-01T17:25:06 | Employee is trying to force OP to accept a loan they never asked for, and it gets weirder from there | EXTERNAL | [removed] | Cleverusername531 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yjewpg/employee_is_trying_to_force_op_to_accept_a_loan/ | yjewpg | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-01T17:31:43 | OOP slept with her mom’s bf before they met | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/ThrowRAMoms_BF in r/relationship_advice**
---
&nbsp;
[**How do I tell my mom I slept with her boyfriend before they met**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/xru345/how_do_i_tell_my_mom_i_slept_with_her_boyfriend/) - 30 September 2022
I (23f) have been encouraging my mom (40f) to date for a while. She's been a single mom most of my life and it seemed her only priority was her children. My mom deserves love just like any other person, she's put us first for so long that it was time to put herself first for once.
Well she met a guy after some encouragement from me and I was happy for her. But recently she introduced me to her new boyfriend (49m), I instantly recognised the guy because we slept together a few times last year. I kept my cool in front of everyone but internally I was freaking the fuck out. I know he knows as well since he came up to me when we had a second alone and asked me not to tell my mom. I don't think I can do that. I want to tell her but I don't want to hurt my mom. I really don't want her and him getting super serious or worse him becoming future step dad or something. How do I tell her without breaking her heart or her hating me?
TLDR: Moms new boyfriend is a guy I slept with a while ago, I don't know how to tell her.
**Edit:**
Thanks for the advice to the people who gave it. Im currently writing a letter that Im planing on giving to my mom. I think thats a good solution. That way I can say what I want to say without stumbling or saying the wrong thing in the moment. As for people Judging what two consenting adults do and Infantilising women fuck off. And the people who are just commenting about porn and other vile shit should fuck off to. This sub is supposed to be a place to get and give advice, not a debate club about morals.
&nbsp;
[**How do I tell my mom I slept with her boyfriend before they met Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/xzy6gk/how_do_i_tell_my_mom_i_slept_with_her_boyfriend/) - 9 October 2022
When I made my post and got some advice I decided to write a letter so I could get my thoughts and feelings out properly, I wont put it here because it is very person and emotional. Anyway I gave my mom the letter than night, I stayed in the room with her as she read it. I had tears welling up as she was reading thinking she would hate me after it.
After she read it I started crying and she started crying, it was all very emotional but my mom assured me that she would never hate me and she was glad I wrote the letter and I think we just hugged for a solid few minuets just crying into each other. We calmed down a bit after that and just spent the rest of the night watching movies and eating junk food.
The morning after that my mom ending things with her bf. There was a bit of drama there with him calling me a sl*t and my mom screaming at him for calling me that but after that we haven't heard from him since and have been drama free.
Me and my mom seem a lot closer now and I feel like I can be more honest with her without fear of judgement or losing her love. Thanks to the people who actually gave advice and didn't make disgusting comments. Your advice was very helpful and got me to pull my head out of my ass and tell her asap.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yjf3nf/oop_slept_with_her_moms_bf_before_they_met/ | yjf3nf | 3,374 | 13,779 | [
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2022-11-01T18:03:37 | OOP - AITA for not giving my mom a key to my girlfriend and I's place? | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yjg1q1/oop_aita_for_not_giving_my_mom_a_key_to_my/ | yjg1q1 | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-01T19:29:29 | OOP and their daughter can see their landlord having sex in a communal greenhouse | REPOST | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/aardvarkdry101 in r/legaladviceuk**
*This was previously posted here a year ago.*
---
&nbsp;
[**Landlord having sex in communal garden??**](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/kt7svq/landlord_having_sex_in_communal_garden/) - 8 January 2021
Hello, I am in England.
I live in a building that is split into three flats. The ground floor is lived in by the landlord (who owns the building), with the upstairs split into two flats. One faces the road and the other (mine) overlooks the garden. We all have access to the garden.
A few months ago, the landlord added a glass greenhouse sort of thing to the garden. The roof is entirely transparent and is at an angle facing my window. He originally stated it was to be for all of us to use for drying laundry instead of bringing damp into the house, and set up a dryer and dehumidifier in there. It seemed great.
In the past few weeks, he has however moved a mattress out there and has been lying on it in the nude and having sex there. The roof has an exhaust port thing that points at my window, so if I am airing out my flat with it open a crack, I get a direct delivery of loud porn and sex sounds.
Is there anything I can do??? It is only my flat who can see and hear this, it isn’t visible from the road. I tried bringing it up but he shrugged it off and said “just don’t look”. I have a young child though so this is just awkward...
**Edit:**
I have decided it is best to write a physical letter to him emphasising my concerns about my daughter accidentally seeing them. I don’t want to sour my relationship with him as he has been an excellent landlord otherwise. I am hoping that a letter will both be seen by his partner so she might stop, and will make it clear that there is more to my worry than just prudishness. I will post an update once something changes, whether it be to report he has promised to stop, or to get some reassurance on contacting police as the next step. Thank you all for your advice.
&nbsp;
[**Update to landlord having sex in communal garden**](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/kx6vts/update_to_landlord_having_sex_in_communal_garden/) - 14 January 2021
Last week I posted needing advice regarding a situation with my landlord having sex in a greenhouse entirely visible from my window.
Because I really did not want to cause a serious issue by getting police involved unnecessarily, I decided to first try a proper letter. I printed out a nice letter basically saying that while I wouldn’t care nearly as much if we were all adults, I do have a small child and I am very uncomfortable with her being able to have a birds eye view of the goings-on.
This seems to have done the trick! Apparently the landlord and wife/partner were not aware of just HOW visible it was from my window. They have both apologised profusely and she seemed totally scandalised. I let them know I wasn’t angry but that it was very awkward with a child, and they essentially said that they’d been going stir crazy with lockdown and hadn’t really been thinking clearly about their actions.
The landlord has moved the mattress out of the greenhouse entirely, replacing it with a small table and chairs. I have only spotted them out there having breakfast since.
It is obviously early days, but I feel that this has probably fixed the issue. I am also happy that I have not ruined the relationship with my landlord (they said they had mostly forgotten I had a child at all as she is so quiet despite them living below), so I think this is about as positive an outcome as I could have hoped for.
Thank you to everyone here who offered advice and made me confident that I was in the right to push it further. I feel silly as I should have thought to send a letter myself first, but I thought telling him directly would be as effective.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yjilxk/oop_and_their_daughter_can_see_their_landlord/ | yjilxk | 3,934 | 7,043 | [
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2022-11-01T21:34:09 | OPs daughter caught lying | CONCLUDED | [removed] | hellotrrespie | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yjm2ua/ops_daughter_caught_lying/ | yjm2ua | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-01T22:14:56 | AITA for yelling at another parent during pickup? | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/likethecomedian in r/amitheasshole**
---
&nbsp;
[**AITA for yelling at another parent during pickup?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xtnmk9/aita_for_yelling_at_another_parent_during_pickup/) - 2 October 2022
I tried to type this out without using the name, and it wasn't comprehensible. So if anyone I know sees this, no you didn't. Here's what happened.
My son's name is Robin. It's just those five letters. It's not a nickname. The mom of one of the kids in his class is convinced his name is Robert. She volunteers at pickup. I'll drive up and she'll go to get my son yelling "Robert, Robert!"
Now, the first few weeks I brushed it off because learning the names of a bunch of different kids is hard. I would just tell her when she came back over with my son "actually his name is Robin." I've said this almost every single day for over a month now. Last week I saw her at a school function and went up and introduced myself and basically said "I'm Robin's father. You might recognize me from pickup. By the way, his name isn't Robert."
Her response confounded me. She said Robin is a girl's name (it's unisex, but it's way more common for boys, so what??) and not a good nickname for Robert, so she'll call him his real name instead. I tried to correct her, since Robin isn't a nickname, but she wandered away. The next time she walked up to my car I got annoyed and said "I'm here for Robin. R O B I N." She did it again.
On Friday, when she called my son Robert, I asked her what her problem was in a very loud voice. I shouted loud enough that a teacher ran over. The volunteer mom ran away, and I tried to explain. The teacher looked at me like I had three heads and said she would go get my son. I got an email later asking me to come in Monday for a meeting.
I don't know how to approach this. Should I apologize for yelling? Should I demand an apology for the constant disrespect? Should I ask the mom not be allowed to volunteer anymore (or at least not get my son)? I feel like I tried to be reasonable, but maybe I was too sensitive?
Verdict: NTA
&nbsp;
[Comment on original post:](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xtnmk9/aita_for_yelling_at_another_parent_during_pickup/iqqqt6k/)
>NTA -- what IS her problem???? Does she do this to any other kids, whose names she decides are inappropriate?
[OOP’s response:](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xtnmk9/aita_for_yelling_at_another_parent_during_pickup/iqqr53d/)
>I have no idea. I know there's a girl named Charlie in the class. I'm somewhat tempted to look up her parents on Facebook and ask. But that would be weird, so I won't.
&nbsp;
**Small update:**
My wife did reach out to Charlie's mom on Facebook to ask if the weird pickup mom called Charlie by a different name as well. According to Charlie's mom, weird pickup mom calls Charlie Charlotte (and Charlie is her legal name, not that it matters). Charlie's mom is not a fan of this, but she assumed it was a mistake and didn't want to say anything because she knows pickup is hectic and confusing and there are a lot of kids with similar names. My wife shared my story, and Charlie's mom agreed to email me this information, so I could bring it up in the meeting if needed.
Charlie's mom also said she would reach out to some other parents with questions about weird pickup mom. A lot of these kids went to kindergarten together, but our son did not, so we don't know many of these parents very well yet. Charlie's mom was really nice and helpful, and she and my wife even set up a playdate for our kids. So, regardless of how the meeting turns out, one nice thing came of this?
**Meeting & pickup:**
So, first of all, my wife came to the meeting with me which was hugely inconvenient for her, but I'm glad she was there, because she doesn't really tolerate BS. So, we got there, and the teacher and principal were there. My wife didn't really let them say anything until she'd gone over everything with weird pickup mom in relation to our son and also Charlie and potencially other kids. The principal was really surprised.
The principal said the teacher would talk to the other mom. I apologized for yelling, and we all shook hands. At pickup that day, weird pickup mom wouldn't look me in the eye. She didn't call Robin Robert or by his actual name. She was quiet the whole time. Sorry it's all so anticlimactic.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yjn3pq/aita_for_yelling_at_another_parent_during_pickup/ | yjn3pq | 4,520 | 14,162 | [
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2022-11-01T23:51:21 | OOP's fiancé said she is holding her womb hostage. | CONCLUDED | [removed] | NeedACountdownClock | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yjpgp0/oops_fiancé_said_she_is_holding_her_womb_hostage/ | yjpgp0 | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-02T02:45:55 | Daughter recoded having sex without her knowledge. NV. | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yjtcyi/daughter_recoded_having_sex_without_her_knowledge/ | yjtcyi | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-02T04:21:31 | My college dorm mate is odd | NEW UPDATE | [removed] | Own_Chip_8094 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yjvaa3/my_college_dorm_mate_is_odd/ | yjvaa3 | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-02T08:02:53 | TIFU by being tricked by a straight guy into dating him UPDATE | ONGOING | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yjz3jv/tifu_by_being_tricked_by_a_straight_guy_into/ | yjz3jv | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-02T12:04:50 | OOP’s husband was messing around with his stepsister and stepmother. | ONGOING | [removed] | lilbubbaloo | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yk3esq/oops_husband_was_messing_around_with_his/ | yk3esq | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-02T12:09:56 | OOP’s husband was messing with his stepmom and stepsister. | ONGOING | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yk3iro/oops_husband_was_messing_with_his_stepmom_and/ | yk3iro | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-02T12:48:32 | My boss suspended me for his negligence so I ruined his life | CONCLUDED | *I am not the original poster. The OOP is \/u/Top_Professional_69.*
*There's only the one post, which was edited to include updates. I've also included some comments that add context.*
*The original post is 12 days old, the updates and comments are 11 days old.*
---
#[My boss suspended me for his negligence so I ruined his life.](https://www.reddit.com/r/NuclearRevenge/comments/y98x5t/my_boss_suspended_me_for_his_negligence_so_i/) - October 20th 2022 - /r/NuclearRevenge
For a little context: I work at a vape shop which is already in a rough space due to regulations and laws the government is putting on us. Due to this we were well ware that certain products we sold/made were highly illegal and enforceable at any time.
I (25M), have been working at my job for a little over a year and a half. The owner of the company is the one who hired me and she was the biggest sweetheart in the world. Unfortunately, she was forced out of her company by her son. He is the type of person who believes that he is always right and if you don't agree with him, he will completely ignore you or fire you. He literally forced his mom into retirement by threatening to unalive himself and continues to use that card everytime she even says she wants to come visit.
Last winter we had a massive snow storm. Getting to work was rough, but we were told that we had to come anyway. We get there and the snow isn't plowed from the parking lot because he didn't wanna pay the guy to do it so we had to. Due to the lot being absolutely massive we couldn't get it all done in time for us to help customers. As they came and went we noticed the snow being patted down into the ground and essentially turning into a slip and slide. Of course he didn't do anything about it and asked me and another coworker to clear all the garbage out of the other side of the building. When I did, I slipped and hurt myself. I didn't file for workers comp, but told them I'd need to rest myself while at work. The next shift I sat almost the entire shift and because I couldn't do anything I sat on my phone, only to get up to help customers. The next day my manager tells me he got out of a meeting with the owners son and I was suspended for a week (5 shifts). As I'm a college student and rent an apartment and have car payments, I couldn't afford to lose 5 days of pay. I marched into his office and laid it out that either he fires me so I can collect unemployment or unsuspend me. He told me neither was happening and that he was gonna use me as an example to the rest of the employees. I was pissed and cursed him out. He doesn't like confrontation so he shortened my suspension to get me out of the office. He then treated me poorly and singling me out for everything everyone else also does, but I was the only one being punished. Then comes the fact that he wanted to "reconcile" by forcing me to do handiman work around the place and didn't give me the tools, equipment, or training to do or use any of these objectives. This was the tipping point for me.
The revenge: Due to being constantly singled out I came to learn that everyone else was unhappy with this fact. I learned all the dirty little secrets about the company including illegal products, labor violations, tax violations, etc. I used these secrets that I learned to call multiple government agencies (FDA, OSHA, DOL) and report him by name. First, OSHA came and did an inspection on my day off. He told everyone they only cited him for a small violation and he was good other than that. I was obviously angry at that but a few weeks later I got a packet in the mail telling me he got cited for everything and he was getting massive fines. I then get called into the office again with the manager who told me I was suspended. He proceeded to tell my manager that he was getting demoted for not writing me up more and that I was no longer getting my raise until I "fixed my attitude". This of course was right after he said "I don't care that you called OSHA". This little act is known as retaliation which is illegal to do to people who called a protected agency like OSHA. He refused to even look at me at this point because if he did anything that would imply he was punishing me for calling OSHA I would have a lawsuit to destroy him.
Now to today: another day off for me and I get a text from a coworker at 11 am. That message was "FDA is here. The manager quit and it's crazy". The FDA and IRS came rolling in full force in black trucks/SUVs. They came in and raided the place, seizing all illegal products and all the paperwork pertaining to the business. They're still there as I write this, so hopefully there will be more to come, but knowing how this works out in most cases I won't have a job much longer and will be on unemployment.
TL:DR: my boss punished me for hurting myself at work, so I called a bunch of government agencies on him and probably got all of his businesses shut down.
Update 1: the ATF also showed up. They confiscated all the house made juices. We apparently don't have a manufacturing license. None of us knew this and that means we may no longer be able to sell products. The IRS showed up because there's a possible cause for an investigation into tax evasion. As I learn more I will continue to update.
Update 2: It seems as though through talks with the lawyer the son decided to actually take the heat for all of it and is going to have to pay massive fines and is possibly looking at jail time. He likely won't ever be able to get a manufacturing license for the rest of his life and they said essentially that he won't be able to open any new businesses. I know he had two new locations rented out and in the process of opening and those are never going to happen now. They're raiding his other business today and that's going to be interesting considering that if he doesn't have the paperwork for that business it could lead to much much more jail time. So as of right now even though my job isn't shutting down yet, his other business is getting raided, he can't open the two locations that he's put a shit ton of money and time into, and he's going to be fined all he's worth and possibly go to jail. Will continue to update!
> *Did you call back OSHA in regards to the whistle blower protection?*
>> I did. After that happened and unfortunately it wasn't big enough of a retaliation for them to do anything. They mainly punished my manager by demoting him next to me for not writing me up.
> *In the future, always always write up an incident report if you get injured at work. Even if it's minor at the time, the injury can get worse in the following days. It protects both you and the company.*
>> There was an incident report. The injury wasn't that large, just required me to sit down for a few shifts, so I didn't apply for workers comp.
> *The way I read that was, the manager doesn't like confrontation. The penalty was handed down by AH son, via manager. So to make OP go away and stop the confrontation, manager reduced penalty.*
>> Exactly. He will literally sit down all day looking at the cameras and then text my manager to tell us every little thing we may be doing wrong.
> *What were the illegal products? I'm assuming something with THC, or maybe high concentrate nic?*
>> It wasn't illegal in the sense that it was harmful. We just didn't have the license to make it in the lab that we have. Making anything we made completely illegal products. We followed all US standards and didn't put any harmful chemicals in.
> *OSHA showed up. Been at my job 33 years. Multiple angry ex employees have reported my employer to OSHA. I have yet to see them show up at my work place.*
>> Honestly, I got a call within a day and I was so confused and surprised. He did lie to us saying they didn't cite him for anything, but I got a copy of the report sent to me and he had to pay BIG fines.
>>> *that actually is the most unrealistic part of your tale. that only that osha actually did anything, but did it promptly? and resulted in consequences? and sent you the report for some reason? shouldn't it be something like "can't comment on an ongoing investigation"? and the same fda that takes an eternity to do anything and the severely understaffed irs actually sent in agents for a raid? and no news reporting?*
> *I hope Mom didn't get burned by your revenge too. That would be terrible.*
>> Doesn't seem like she will, but we've begged her to do something for almost a year because he was making all our lives a living hell. She did nothing. So tbh we didn't care anymore.
> *Protect yourself! If this person is serious about ending his life then he has nothing preventing him from coming after you. Especially when he has your personal info (I'm assuming since you were an employee). Just something to consider.*
>> The complaints were all made anonymously. If he tries to figure out who did it, it can only add to his sentencing. Also it'd open him to a world of hurt when it comes to whistleblower laws.
>>> *I was just basing that off the fact that he "didn't care that you called OSHA" which led me to believe that even if it was anonymous, he assumed it was you. Based on this story it also seems he doesn't give a shit about laws...*
>>>> Yea, but if he doesn't want to literally be in jail for his entire life and/or want to not be completely homeless when he does get out he won't do anything. The only thing he cares about is himself.
---
*Reminder that I am not the original poster.* | Myrandall | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yk4dbm/my_boss_suspended_me_for_his_negligence_so_i/ | yk4dbm | 9,618 | 1,943 | [
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2022-11-02T14:03:52 | OOP - WIBTA for sending neighbor a cease and desist letter? | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/CaptJackIsAFartFace **in** r/AmItheAsshole
trigger warnings: NONE
mood spoilers: >!Happy!<
[**WIBTA for sending neighbor a cease and desist letter?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i3rv2v/wibta_for_sending_neighbor_a_cease_and_desist/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) \- 5th August 2020
Last fall we moved into a new house and less than two weeks later, had a baby. We were pretty focused on the whole parenting thing and failed to notice how often the neighbor on one side was using our property for several things without any kind of permission or discussion.
It started with his kids spending their days in our driveway drawing with sidewalk chalk. We had to ask them to stop because we seriously feared running them over when backing out of the garage as they have absolutely no supervision or regard for cars. They stopped drawing and started using our garage door as a bumper stop while riding their scooters and bikes. They physically bashed into the garage door and dented it. I asked them to stop. After a dozen or so instances, they finally stopped.
In the spring, we noticed that the dad was parking his trailer on our side of the property between our two driveways. The property line is very clear with fences and different types of landscaping. In addition, he was pulling his garbage cans through our gravel and making huge tracks.
As we're in the middle of a pandemic and we have a baby, we decided to write a note and leave it with our information while also lining the property line with large rocks. Never heard from them but they had moved the rocks into a pile and the front of our side of the property. We moved the rocks back again and thought we had made our position very clear.
At the beginning of June the dad/husband came and rang our door. He proceeded to tell us that because he's parked his trailer like that since he moved in and no one has cared before so we can't care either. At no point did he ask if he could park on our side or use our property, he said "It's never been a problem and I should be able to do it." We politely said we did not give him permission to do so and explained that we intended to landscape the area and his trailer and use of our property would ruin the landscaping we had planned.
The entire conversation was difficult because he spoke over me the entire time and talked to me like a child. At the end of the confrontation, he said we were "rude neighbors" and stormed off. Since then, he parks further over, moves our landscaping rocks constantly, and aggressively moves his garbage cans through the gravel leaving marks like he was zig zagging back and forth.
This weekend I started taking photos as proof of his parking and the way he's ruining our gravel with his garbage cans. He came out and glared at me. I, very nicely, again, asked him to stop. He replied "Why?" and when I said because it's my property and we've asked him not to he replied "Whatever." and walked away.
Now we come to today. I'm done. I am so frustrated that this guy feels like he is entitled to unquestioned use of property that is not his.
TLDR Neighbor with free range children uses, parks, and ruins my property without permission and will not stop even when asked. WIBTA for sending a cease and desist?
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jwnzxz/update_wibta_for_sending_neighbor_a_cease_and/) \- 19th November 2020
It's a very happy update!
I drafted the letter with some legal assistance. Prior to sending it, I wanted to ensure I had proper cameras in the event he decided to make things worse. When I installed the camera, the neighbor must have realized why it was installed because they stopped doing all the annoying stuff.
Then, about a month later, they listed their house for sale. They've moved out and we don't have to deal with their entitled asshole attitude anymore!
I appreciate all the assistance and support as I was really unsure if I was going in the right direction.
Edit: I want to clarify. I do not believe that the neighbor moved because of anything I did or asked him to stop doing. I think he had been planning to move for some time and was just an absolute dick of a person. They didn't move because of me, and even if they did, they sold the house for $200,000 more than they bought it 3 years ago. So he is not some victim.
I do appreciate all the kind words. I am also bummed that so many people have shitty neighbors as well.
[New Update in the comments](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yk64c6/comment/iuxquxz/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- 4th November 2022
So I'm OOP and I wanted to let you know that they definitely got their karma. According to the new owner of the house, the AHs went on a vacation to a smallish coastal town in the northwest and for the few days they were in this town the weather was beautiful. So they decided to move there. They overpaid for a house (according to the new owner she said they over bid by $300,000 just to get the house, which was significantly smaller than the house next to me) and made a comment about how nice it will be live on the coast and go to the beach all the time. However, the area they moved is rainy 99% of the time and pretty 1% of the time. It would be like visiting Seattle on a nice day and expecting it to be sunny all the time.
I really hold onto the fact that they moved to a miserable location and smaller house they wildly overpaid for.
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | raredontstare | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yk64c6/oop_wibta_for_sending_neighbor_a_cease_and_desist/ | yk64c6 | 5,609 | 4,586 | [
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2022-11-02T14:37:22 | AITA for yelling at my boyfriend because his parent's dog ruined my anniversary gift? | CONCLUDED | [original and the update is an edit at the end](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ycmc3e/aita_for_yelling_at_my_boyfriend_because_his/)
**I AM NOT OP, original was posted 9d ago(24th october 2022)**
My (22F) boyfriend (23M) and I had our anniversary. He bought me a book for our anniversary that I have been wanting to read for years. I was so excited to go home and read it. We went to his parent's house to use the restroom, and I left my book on the table because we were going to go out for a bit for the rest of our date night. During our date night, his mother called and said their dog had ripped through my book, but that I could still read it. I started crying, and my boyfriend started laughing. I told him that it wasn't funny. We went along with the rest of our date and had fun.
We got back to his parent's house two hours later and I saw that the book was in shambles. Any avid reader would know that just because you can read a torn up book, doesn't mean its actually readable. The first few pages were torn, the edges were bit off, and there was slobber all over it. I began to cry again, and said "this isn't right!" to which my boyfriend started laughing at me. This dog has previously torn up my purse, wallet, makeup, etc., and I let it go, but this was too far. I became really angry and started yelling at him to not laugh at me, and he continued to do so. At this point I grabbed my stuff and stormed off to my car. He came outside and started saying "I wasn't laughing! It is a $20 book I don't see why you're acting like this." To me it wasn't just a book, it was an anniversary gift that I was ready to baby and cherish for the rest of my life. I just wanted to leave as I felt like my feelings were not being validated. His mom came outside and said "don't you think you're being a little dramatic?"
This book meant a lot to me. I am quite poor at the moment, and I am not really a materialistic person. I know it can be replaced, but I felt like his parent's should of taken accountability and replaced the damaged property, and my boyfriend should of validated my feelings.
So reddit, am I the asshole?
Edit: I should probably clarify a few things. No, I did not leave it on a coffee table. I left it on a high table where I have been leaving my things lately. When the dog ripped up my purse and wallet I left it on a chair, so I now leave my stuff on higher tables. I don't like to leave valuable items in my car because we live in a big city and my car has been broken into. Also I mentioned in the replies that I was raised by a single mom, and because of that I didn't have a lot compared to other people. Books also helped me escape when I was thinking about committing sewer slide. Yes I have mental health issues, which makes me more sensitive than others. It's gotten better but I know I am not perfect. I am in therapy.
&#x200B;
**VERDICT: NTA (not the asshole)**
&#x200B;
**Update:**
WOW! Did not expect so many comments. I honestly thought I'd just get a few comments and be able to delete. I want to say that I love my boyfriend, and his parents. I talked to my mom and she gave me a bit of insight. My boyfriend is not a cruel person and does everything he can to take care of me. He has helped me out since I can't work at the moment. My mom thinks he was laughing not at me, but at the fact that he couldn't figure out what to do as its not his dog, so the "i didn't laugh at you" comment makes sense. I talked to him and his mom and gave them my perspective. They understood and his mom apologized. She thought I stormed off because the dog ruined the book, but I told her it was because my bf was laughing at me, and she called me dramatic. We hugged it out. My boyfriend apologized for laughing and said he didn't mean to laugh but that he just didn't know what to do. I apologized to them for yelling, and storming off. I told them I am just going to start leaving stuff in my boyfriends closet. His mother told me she cries all the time because of the dog destroying things she loves constantly. She didn't offer to replace it but I have decided to just let it go because I don't like asking people for things. I think things ended well. I can kind of tell they aren't used to having an emotional person like myself around, so I am going to try to start practicing patience. | bojapoi | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yk6xxs/aita_for_yelling_at_my_boyfriend_because_his/ | yk6xxs | 4,359 | 4,423 | [
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2022-11-02T14:51:21 | OOP Wonders If He's A Scumbag For Automating His Job | CONCLUDED | #I AM NOT THE ORIGINAL PERSON WHO POSTED THIS.
**Original post by u/CS-NL in r/askreddit**
mood spoilers: >!Light BORU Reading!<
---
&nbsp;
[**Reddit, my friends call me a scumbag because I automate my work when I was hired to do it manually. Am I?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/tenoq/reddit_my_friends_call_me_a_scumbag_because_i/) - submitted on 09 May 2012
Hired full time, and I make a good living. My work involves a lot of "data entry", verification, blah blah. I am a programmer at heart and figured out how to make a script do all my work for me. Between co workers, they have a 90% accuracy rating and 60-100 transactions a day completed. I have 99,6% accuracy and over 1.000 records a day. No one knows I do this because everyone's monthly accuracy and transaction count are tallied at the end of the month, which is how we earn our bonus. The scum part is, I get 85-95% of the entire bonus pool, which is a HUGE some of money. Most people are fine with their bonuses because they don't even know how much they would bonus regularly. I'm guessing they get €100-200 bonus a month. They would get a lot more if I didnt bot.
So reddit, am I a scumbag? I work about 8 hours a week doing real work, the rest is spent playing games on my phone or reading reddit...
Edit: A lot of people are posting that I'm asking for a pat on the back... Nope, I'm asking for the moral delima if my ~90% bonus share is unethical for me to take...
Edit2: This post has kept me up all night... hah. So many comments guys! you all are crazy :P
&nbsp;
[**Response**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/tenoq/reddit_my_friends_call_me_a_scumbag_because_i/c4lz24j/)
You aren't a scumbag, but in my opinion, you should be maximizing, because you've created a potentially very dangerous situation for yourself and your coworkers.
Tone the script down a bit so it doesn't seem like a bot, and it doesn't seem like your coworkers are slackers (you currently have 10x their output while maintaining 110% of their accuracy. Sooner or later, at least in my pessimistic mind, somebody is going to ask questions).
Then, and this is just IMO, use your free time to look into methods of progression into jobs that you would actually enjoy working at, or creating more programs, rather than just phone gaming or Reddit. This way you're not only improving yourself during work hours, you're hedging against the company ever discovering that your job is entirely automatable.
If they don't discover it... you've spent your newfound free time in valuable ways. If they do discover it... you can transition into a new job.
TL;DR Not scumbag, but protect yourself against this being discovered.
&nbsp;
____
&nbsp;
[**[UPDATE] My friends call me a scumbag because I automate my work when I was hired to do it manually. Am I?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/vomtn/update_my_friends_call_me_a_scumbag_because_i/) - submitted on 27 Jun 2012
Original: http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/tenoq/reddit_my_friends_call_me_a_scumbag_because_i/
Okay, the past month and a half has been insane. Like I said in my last post, the code was originally signed to only run on the desktop that I was assigned, and also required a password upon starting. I felt secure in that they couldn't steal and rip the code and fire everyone. I then went to my manager and told him what I was doing. He asked me (In Dutch...) "Is the program still on the work desktop, and did you do it on company time?" I replied yes, and yes. I was promptly fired and expelled from the building. Once I left, I called my bosses superior (? or inferior?? the one higher...) and left him a voice mail saying what happened and that my boss fired me for it, but I thought he was being close minded and not open to advancing the company. I also got a call from my manager, telling me I have to give him the password... I told him I am no longer employed and am not required to any longer.
I get a call from my bosses boss, and he asks to have a meeting with me to discuss what actually happened and if it is true that it could save money, he would listen. but I was hellbent on refusing to give out the password. Not to be mean/defensive, but the code was not designed for anyone to use, it was very primitive in the way it had to be setup. I didn't want to be liable for someone using it incorrectly.
I met with him a week later, we discussed over tea about the program. I asked if I was doing anything wrong or immoral, and he said that the only issue was that I coded it on company time when I wasn't supposed too, and that the app not only was fine (no requirement to have it done by a person), but also saved the money lots and lots of money and they never even realized it. (They would have had to hire more people to handle the load, but didn't because everything was getting done.)
Once we talked about it, he said I was very talented and asked why I worked in the line of work I do instead of software engineering, I replied that I found this job first and was making such great money-- which he didn't expect, and asked me how much I was making, me telling him the true amount. He was floored and cracked up laughing, I made more than my boss (but not the guy I was talking too). He told me he would love to give me a job doing software engineering for the entire companies systems. I agreed only if that the current employees wouldn't be fired and would be put into different places in the company. We came to a compromise that some of the useless people (There were a few...) would be let go (these people are morons beyond belief), but that he could find jobs for the rest (Translation was a big one, since us Dutch people have a culture of learning others languages, sales, HR and other departments, and a few of them were offered training for the jobs. A handful was kept on the original team but their job was changed from manual input to now they work with the tool I built. As far as I know, the bonus program was slashed a lot, but they're still making more bonus than before I bet since I was taking it all)
So now I am a lead software engineer over my own department, making the same base pay as I was making base+bonus previously. (No bonus, unfortunately haha) Most other workers moved departments or changed jobs in their department, so most people got a good deal.
Except my boss. They were upset with him before this, and were even more upset after him. He was notoriously a bad manager and he was fired over this. Oh well. They hired one of the previous people on my team to take over his job :)
TL;DR IT WORKED OUT FOR 99% OF THE PEOPLE.
EDIT: one thing is worse: my new desk chair sucks
&nbsp;
____
#Reminder - I am not the original poster. | joshually | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yk7anj/oop_wonders_if_hes_a_scumbag_for_automating_his/ | yk7anj | 6,805 | 13,201 | [
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2022-11-02T14:58:28 | AITA for not buying my daughter a new phone after her old one broke? | ONGOING | [original and update is at the end as an edit](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yckf97/aita_for_not_buying_my_daughter_a_new_phone_after/)
**I AM NOT OOP , original was posted 9days ago (24th october 2022) by** u/catsarebest7898
BG INFO: I have just brought a new house and i have been tight with money for the past few weeks because of some personal things i will not share. I am also a single mother, i hope that clears some stuff up
My daughter (16f) dropped her phone. its still usable but it has loads of cracks. So when i told her icouldnt fix it or buy a new one she wasnt happy, and i understand, social media is her life! But as i stated before i cant afford it. She got angry, and i was suprised when she started SHOUTING at me. I thought she would understand because she is a very mature person, even for a 16 y/o.
Her phone still works, but she is still shouting at me, i even heard her talking to her friend about me, saying that i dont care about her and that im uptight. I feel like im failing as a mother and Its starting to get to me. so, am i ta? Or not?
&#x200B;
**VERDICT: NTA (not the asshole)**
&#x200B;
**UPDATE\*\*\*\*\*\***
I got loads of comments telling me to make her get a job so she can pay for it, so thats what i did!
Kind of..
I sat her on the sofa and said something along the lines of this: 'You need to learn to take responsibility for your actions. So, i wont be paying for your phone as we dont have the money. However, i think it would be a good idea for you to get a job, to pay for a new phone.'
This really didnt go down well for some reason. She got angry and shouted at me AGAIN. I honestly have no idea what she was shouting about, as i wasnt paying attention because she gad already been shouting for at least 10 mins. I told her to give me her phone and go to her room.she asked why and i said something i regret saying. I said she was being disrespectful and ungrateful.
I feel so bad and that im an AH because of this, so am i TA for this now??
&#x200B;
**RELEVANT COMMENTS FROM OOP:**
* I know it not just social media,but i have not got the money and theres nothing i can do. Also, she can still use the phone, it is just cracked.
* I have, even before this situation. She knows i cant afford stuff like this so i have no idea why shes acting this way
# IMPORTANT NOTE
**From OOP's account history we can find this now deleted post** [(bot comment which saved the story)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ya70lw/comment/it9iy54/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3). Even though it doesnt show the original poster , we can see OOP giving info/clarification in the coments [1](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ya70lw/comment/it9jstq/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3), [2](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ya70lw/comment/it9ma5w/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3). In this post OOP makes her daughter break up with his boyfriend which might explain her attitude in the post and update (not trying to justify , just putting the info out there) | bojapoi | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yk7h2h/aita_for_not_buying_my_daughter_a_new_phone_after/ | yk7h2h | 3,146 | 1,557 | [
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2022-11-02T15:15:06 | My [25M] father [55M] had an affair with my Fiancee [25F] | REPOST | **I am not OP.**
Posted by [u/ThrowRA324932493248](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRA324932493248/) on r/relationship_advice
&nbsp;
[**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/osefz6/me_25m_my_father_55m_had_an_affair_with_my/) _- July 27, 2021_
My mom died 4 years ago from cancer and me and my fiancee used to go his place for dinner nothing unusual about that he was a lonely but lately his mood had improved and I was about to find out why.
So yeah my dad invited us over to dinner and then after dinner they told me they needed to talk to me which was odd to her dad we needed to tell you something.
Turns out they have had a sexual relationship for over 3 months and me being a moron asked how many times I was starting to hyperventilate at that point and they were both reluctant to share that.
I eventually got the full story won't write that here painful enough and feel stupid for asking I walked out and left them both and told dad you want her you can keep her you are both finished with me and told my fiancee to give me the keys to my apartment, she was crying as she was struggeling to get the key of her chain I did it for her gave her other keys back and told her I would pack her things and she could come over and pick it up when I was finished.
Her mom came over and picked up her things (she actually sent her mom to do it) I let her in and she had gotten the full story and was so sorry for everything and hoped I would get through this.
My dad and I guess ex-fiancee now has been texting and calling me for the last week not responded or answered any of their calls and my dad even called the cops because he was worried I might hurt myself oh jeez thanks for the concern for my mental health dad maybe you should have considered that before fucking my fiancee..
So I get two officers at my door who told me they had recieved a call from my dad worried I might harm myself I told the officer I was not suicidal and explained what had happened and they both looked disgusted and apologized for bothering me and what I was going through.
The look of pity from the officers made me feel worse I felt just ashamed having to tell these two guys that not sure why I felt shame but I did.
Anyways dad wants me to talk to him I have no idea what to do here I have no other family no aunts or uncles and now no fiancee either anymore.
I have kept busy by going to the gym and trying to live my life as normally as possible my fiancee has moved back with her parents but she is apperantly still in contact with my dad since dad keeps texting me that she is worried about me, apperantly I am the asshole here since he feels that I should not treat her this way.
So yeah I am the asshole here apperantly I mean what do I even do here I have ended it with her clearly but then there is my dad who is now trying to "fix" things and wants me to forgive her.
I honestly just want them both to leave me alone
&nbsp;
[**Update 1**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/owd7hx/update_me_25m_my_father_55m_had_an_affair_with_my/) _- August 2, 2021_
Hey everybody thanks for all the messages and advice I did not expect this post to blow up as much as it did but I just wanted to post an update on how things stand.
First of all I am doing okay in fact I have slept well these last few nights and had support from some unexpected places.
Many of you wanted me to go public and tell everyone well I did not have to my now ex-fiancee took care of that for me she told her best friend exspecting sympathy, instead she raged at her and now most of her friends and mine are now fully aware of what has happened.
Her best friend called me and we spoke for over an hour apperantly whatever angry thought I may have had regarding my now ex-fiancee was nothing to what her and her friends subjected her too.
They have completely cut her off and they even asked her if she slept with any of their fathers.
Her bestfriend also told me that she still believes I will forgive her and that she wants me back (not happening) and seems to be a little shall we say unstable right now, she seems like a total wreck.
I also spoke to her parents and told them to give her time and don't kick her out I honestly despite what she did don't want her to do anything stupid, her parents are probably more pissed at her than I am.
I also met dad we spoke in person and honestly the reason we spoke is that I wanted to pick up some things from home I had a friend of mine with me just incase I felt the urge to punch him.
He made no attempt at small talk and my friend was walking very close by me like was exspecting me to attack him and was ready to restrain me if it happened.
So that's the update GF is a nervous wreck dumped by all her friend, her BFF and I have become good friends (no we are not sleeping together or anything like that) but she has supported me and we have kept talking on the phone, she had been cheated on herself but she could not even begin to imagine what I went through.
Honestly I feel okay my dad I have cut off completely after I got my some of my moms things including her wedding ring, I am taking this I told him he did not argue and you can have this and gave him my enagement ring (not exspensive and honestly I did not know what I was gonna do with it anyways).
He just looked at me and and now finally it dawned upon him just how badly he had messed up I also told him to stop telling her that I may forgive her you are messing with her head and she needs to realize it's over, he said he would not contact her again I told him I did not care if he did or not.
I got in the car and left and felt a lot better.
So that's the update folks I may have gone too far with the ring business but honestly if he wants her then the can marry her.
I have had great support from many people including here and ready to move the hell on.
But if you have any questions I can try to answer if anyting is unclear.
&nbsp;
[**Final Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/prom6g/final_update_me_25m_my_father_55m_had_an_affair/) _- September 20, 2021_
Hi just decided to post one final update since I have been bombarded with questions on how I'm doing and if anything has happened.
I am doing okay my dad and my ex-fiancee have not contacted me at all and have left me alone.
I have had moments were I felt lonely and angry but I had people who have been there for me.
My ex-fiancees BFF and I have gotten close and we decided to go on a trip me and her, we are not together but we have gotten close.
Dad and my ex-fiancee like many predicted have been talking and someone spotted them together in town, I kind of suspected it would happen.
It honestly does not bother me they deserve eachother and just thankful I found out before I married her.
More people have found out what happened now, dad and her have lost a huge part of their social circle, so I guess with many disgusted with them both, they found eachother misery loves company after all.
I also made it clear to my other friends if they wanna contact her and talk to her that also does not bother me I don't wanna control anyone, or make anyone feel they have to stay away from her because of me.
I am not gonna be a vindictive asshole that only hurts me in the long run.
So to summarize I am doing okay, still seeing a therapist and have gotten close to my ex-fiancees former best friend.
I do get depressed and feel anger and lonely sometimes but I have learned to deal with it.
I spent and entire weekend cleaning my apartment to get my ex-fiancees perfume smell out of my apartment since that was a big trigger for me and decided to buy a new bed and a new couch and redecorated a bit.
Sold the old bed and my old couch and honestly it feels like a new apartment, a fresh start if you will.
Thanks to everybody for your advice, concerns and comments they helped alot and needed to vent about it. | rainingsakuras | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yk7wjq/my_25m_father_55m_had_an_affair_with_my_fiancee/ | yk7wjq | 7,996 | 10,794 | [
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2022-11-02T16:50:59 | [A BORU Prequel] Is it okay to sleep around while on a break from a relationship? | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ykad67/a_boru_prequel_is_it_okay_to_sleep_around_while/ | ykad67 | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-02T17:29:45 | OOP slept with her bf’s son before they met | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Mamma-lana in r/offmychest**
---
&nbsp;
[**I slept with my boyfriends son before we met and I am disgusted**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/yd3w1f/i_slept_with_my_boyfriends_son_before_we_met_and/) - 25 October 2022
So I’m a 34f and I have a boyfriend 43m we’ve been dating around 3 months so we decided to meet each other’s kids he met my daughter 16f and my son 6m and it went great.
So flash forward to the next day I met his youngest 15 NB it was good they were very sweet, then his son came down and instantly I remember I met him on a dating app about 4 months ago and we hooked up a few times.
On the dating app his age was set to 25 which for me was still a bit young but I did it anyway, turns out he’s only 19 which to me was a school in its self because he looks a lot older. I am actually so ashamed and embarrassed. I don’t know if I should tell my boyfriend or not I really don’t know what to do.
**Edit:**
I called him telling him that he needs to come over so we can talk and he’s coming in a few hours and I will tell him then and keep youse updated.
**Edit:**
I am now at his house and I’ve called his son down I’ll let you know what happens.
&nbsp;
[**I slept with my boyfriends son before we met and I am disgusted UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/ydbzzn/i_slept_with_my_boyfriends_son_before_we_met_and/) - 25 October 2022
As you remember I 34f met my boyfriends 43m family and turns out I hooked up with his 19 yo son thinking he was 25.
I brought my boyfriends son downstairs with us so we can all talk. We both explained what happened, his first reaction was demanding to know why I slept with a 19 year old (sounds disgusting to even type 🤢) his son then explained how he lied about his age.
My exes rage was now directed at him and his son said he didn’t know why he lied and that he’s sorry. He then good mad at me again, then I said that we are breaking up I told him I understand and that it’s best we block each other and move on.
He agreed but as I walked out I heard him yelling at his son. That’s all that’s happened and I’m planning on blocking him and just moving on from that drama in my life.
Also sorry for taking so long to update.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ykbe0j/oop_slept_with_her_bfs_son_before_they_met/ | ykbe0j | 2,332 | 4,755 | [
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2022-11-02T18:19:42 | Gift for a peacock? (+ peacock tax!) | CONCLUDED | [removed] | Lorem-Oopsum | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ykcou2/gift_for_a_peacock_peacock_tax/ | ykcou2 | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-02T18:47:07 | My employee insinuatedvI was having an affair…with my husband | EXTERNAL | [removed] | AggravatingAccident2 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ykddv1/my_employee_insinuatedvi_was_having_an_affairwith/ | ykddv1 | 9 | 81 | [
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2022-11-02T18:59:37 | TIFU by being tricked by a straight guy into dating him | ONGOING | [removed] | Pinky135 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ykdpcc/tifu_by_being_tricked_by_a_straight_guy_into/ | ykdpcc | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-02T19:05:42 | I’m considering leaving my wife because of her weight | REPOST | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwra_overweight in r/relationship_advice**
trigger warning: >!ppd!<
mood spoiler: >!happy ending!<
---
&nbsp;
[**I’m (32M) considering leaving my wife (30F) because of her weight**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/nug9bw/im_32m_considering_leaving_my_wife_30f_because_of/) - 7 June 2021
Alright before I get called an asshole let me explain. I love my wife, I think she’s incredibly beautiful and even more so after she gave birth to our son 3 years ago.
The problem is that she put on a good amount of baby weight (Obviously) and never lost it. She instead started to gain more weight and was overall pretty depressed. I initially assumed it was PPD and suggested she go to therapy for it. She went to therapy and got some anti-depressants, it took her a while find the right ones, and she’s been fine mentally since she found them.
Physically is a different story however. She has continued over the past 3 years to gain weight. The problem isn’t anymore that i’m not attracted to her, But she will die if she continues to gain weight. She is currently 5’2 about 260 pounds with a BMI close to 50
I don’t know what I can do, I feel like i’ve tried everything. I’ve asked her to go to the gym with me, go on a diet with me, Not buy fast food, have some active hobbies. She’s turned down every single one of these ideas.
I feel like I don’t have any choice but to give her an ultimatum. Either she genuinely tries to lose the weight or I leave. I can’t watch the women I love and mother of my child slowly kill herself . I don’t want to be the dude who gives an ultimatum, but I see no other choice. I guess I just wanted to ask if i’m being an asshole or if theres any other way I could go about this.
**Edit:**
For everyone in the comments telling me you can be overweight and healthy, your right. But No, you can not be Obese and healthy, at least not long term. Heart disease runs in my wife’s family and while your weight might not effect you, being overweight is directly linked to heart disease. I understand weight loss isn’t easy, I used to be overweight, but my concern isn’t that’s she not the same way she looked when we got together, It’s that she may not live to see our son become a teenager.
&nbsp;
[**Update: I’m (32M) considering leaving my wife (31F) because of her weight**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qh3lev/update_im_32m_considering_leaving_my_wife_31f/) - 27 October 2021
So I made a post about 5 months ago because I was getting pass the point of no return with my wife’s weight. Now Expectedly I got called an asshole and a dickhead and every other name under the book for evening mentioning it. But I also got some real good feedback and decided before I made any real decision I would sit her down and let her know how I was truly feeling. Because at that point we had, had multiple conversations addressing it but none of them lead anywhere.
So after we put my son to sleep I asked my wife If we could talk for a moment in the kitchen. Now i’m not gonna lie the conversation was probably the hardest one i’ve ever had. Because despite what everyone believed I do love my wife. Now I don’t want to get into every detail but the basis of the conversation was that I needed her to at least try and be healthier. I also think she needed to hear how serious I was about this and when I told her I was even thinking about separating I think it really put the nail in the coffin.
It’s been about 5 months since then and i’m proud to say my wife has lost 35 fucking lbs. I am so proud of her it’s fucking ridiculous. The first month was a fucking hurdle and a half but now she’s going steady and losing weight at a healthy moderate rate. Recently she even started to exercise with me. In the morning I usually jog, but since her knees are somewhat shot 3 days a week we go walk a mile or two, together and either talk or just listen to music together. I know it sounds corny to say but she even seems happier and her confidence is coming back as well.
Well this was my little update and I wanted to finish it with thanking anyone who actually gave me advice on my first post.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ykdvb5/im_considering_leaving_my_wife_because_of_her/ | ykdvb5 | 4,278 | 30,107 | [
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2022-11-02T19:20:26 | OOP - AITA for not giving my mom a key to my girlfriend and I's place? | ONGOING | I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/own-opportunity-9646 in r/amitheasshole.
[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xovvmn/aita_for_not_giving_my_mom_a_key_to_my_girlfriend/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (27 Sept 22)
**AITA for not giving my mom a key to my girlfriend and I's place?**
Throwaway cause my place of work is on my original account.
I (25 M) have been dating my girlfriend Lacey (24 F) for six years. We met when she was a freshman because she became friends with one of my close friends, and I was enamored with her immediately after seeing her. After a couple of years of saving, we decided we wanted to take the next step and buy a house together. Nothing big, just like an apartment or a townhouse. With the help of Lacey's father, we purchased a townhouse a month ago.
Now for some background, that led to my decision not to give my mom a key. My mother has never liked Lacey. There was and is always a complaint. Her dyed hair, her "revealing" clothes, her clothing style, her facial piercings, her tattoos, etc. The most recent complaint is that Lacey only works a few part-time hours while I work full time ( Lacey is a Ph.D. neuroscience student), but even if she wasn't a student, it's not her business how our dynamic works. If she can't act amicably towards my other half, who has been nothing but kind to her, then I don't want her having access because I know she will intrude. Onto the issue. Two weeks ago, we held a housewarming party for our parents after we were mostly settled in. After dinner, while we were all drinking coffee in the living room, my mom asked me when she would be getting an emergency key. I told her we gave it to our friends because they are closest (that's a lie we gave one to Lacey's parents). She got upset, saying emergency keys are for family only and she needs one. I told her she didn't need one, and if something happened, my friends had access. I could tell it upset her but she stopped. The next day I got a call from her, and when I answered, she was wailing, saying she knew "Lacey was up to this". I told her it was BOTH of our decisions to give the key to our friends and that Lacey isn't an evil villain conspiring against her. She then switched to anger, saying I can't cover for her all the time to which I hung up. Ever since I have been getting guilt trippy texts from my mother and my father about me breaking her heart because I'm shutting her out. AITA? Is it really THAT bad she does not have a key?
Edit/update: well I took the advice of the comments. I texted my mom something along the lines of “no you will not be getting a key and that is my decision alone based on your treatment of Lacey through our entire relationship. I do not want to make her feel unwelcome in a home that she also owns. You and I both know that you will go snooping and show up uninvited and I will not tolerate that. You need to let go of this competition between you and Lacey because I will always choose Lacey.” but much longer. I’m getting chewed out but the alternative is my girlfriend and I being walked all over so…
Update 2: I tried to talk to my dad about it since my mom is just on an angry rampage. No luck. My mother has escalated to calling/texting Lacey to insult her so I’m just blocking them both for now. I sent my mom a final text letting her know I was disappointed that she couldn’t consider anyone else’s feelings but hers and if I decided to reach out again it would be on my time and that I wouldn’t hesitate to reblock if she spoke to Lacey like that again.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ye2q56/update_aita_for_not_giving_my_mom_a_key_to_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (26 Oct 22)
**UPDATE: AITA for not giving my mom a key to my girlfriend and I's place?**
Sorry for not including a link to my original post. Here it is: [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xovvmn/aita_for_not_giving_my_mom_a_key_to_my_girlfriend/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
To say that this month has been a shit show is an understatement. I really didn't think I would need to update beyond the ones on my original post but here we are.
As per my original post, I and my partner have been struggling with my mom crossing boundaries and more specifically badgering me for a key to our new home. I got a message on Facebook from my uncle around twoish weeks ago that my mother was in tears, couldn't sleep, and was a mess. He said that she has tried to contact me but since I blocked her on everything it wasn't possible. She wanted to invite us over for an apology dinner. Later, when Lacey returned home from work I showed her the texts and told her that it is up to her whether we go or not as she is the one who was wronged by my mom. Lacey told me since it was my mother she wanted to give her another chance but if my mom did something like this ever again she was done.
I unblocked my mom, and we talked and set up a dinner at her place. When we first arrived everything was fine. My mom was being respectful and halfway through dinner gave a "sincere" apology to Lacey. Lacey responded that she appreciated and accepted her apology. My mom's face went sour and she asked "are you also not going to apologize to me?". Lacey said that she had nothing to apologize for. For some reason, this triggered a massive meltdown on my mom's end. She started screaming incoherently that "this is what she was talking about" and she was tired of seeing "my son be with a she-devil". Lacey got up, thanked them for the meal, and walked out. I quickly followed behind her as my mom stormed after us shouting insults with my dad trying to stop her, attracting the attention of her other neighbors who now think she's probably crazy. So as the comments originally suggested we are back at square one with them blocked most likely indefinitely. I would love to leave my dad unblocked but I know he'd let my mom contact me.
Thank you to everyone who commented, I truly wish I could have provided a more happy update.
Edit: some of your comments about my dad have made me a lot more worried about what he's possibly dealing with at home. I'm going to talk to Lacey to see if she's comfortable with me reaching out for my dad alone at his work email since I know it's less likely for my mom to have access to that.
**Reminder - I'm not the OOP** | prettiergenghis | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yke9ak/oop_aita_for_not_giving_my_mom_a_key_to_my/ | yke9ak | 6,625 | 4,870 | [
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2022-11-02T19:32:10 | TIFU by being tricked by a straight guy into dating him | ONGOING | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ykem12/tifu_by_being_tricked_by_a_straight_guy_into/ | ykem12 | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-02T21:22:28 | Pro-bono clients are driving me mad. HELP. | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/probonolawyer2017 in r/legaladviceofftopic**
---
&nbsp;
[**Pro-bono clients are driving me mad. HELP.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladviceofftopic/comments/7k37fj/probono_clients_are_driving_me_mad_help/) - 15 December 2017
Somebody suggested I post about my issue on this subreddit.
I recently graduated law school and started working at a non-profit firm, providing free legal services to low income individuals.
I always wanted to work in either government or non-profit, as I always believed in St. Thomas' principles of helping others. However, it has turned to be a complete headache.
The clients are driving me nuts!
The main problem is the walk ins.
They walk-in every day without appointments, and expect me to stop what I am doing to help them. One who expected me to stop during my appointment I had with another client to help her. I will have up to five walk ins in one day. The problem with the constant walk ins is that the receptionist speaks English, and does not speak Spanish, so if they walk in I have to be the one who speaks to them. With the constant walk ins, I have to be a part-time receptionist. The constant walk ins burn me out by the end the day. Additionally, it is hard for me to get the other work I have done if I have to play receptionist all day.
My second problem is how many "no show" appointments I have. I can understand if somebody calls and cancels in advance because of work schedules fluctuate and I'm usually understanding, but some literally do not show up. Two or three times. It's frustrating because it not only delays finishing up their case, but it takes time away that I could be helping another person.
The third problem is when I give them a list of documents they *need* to bring to the next appointment in order to do the next part, and they don't bring them, and then they have to come back multiple times to finish. I have assignments that should have finished in one day that take two months to finish. It makes the process completely slow and all the extra time I am taking to finish these cases, it makes the entire system slow.
It's complete inefficiency and it makes the job not just hard but frustrating. I am always burnt out by the end of the day.
Lastly, while most of my clients are wonderful, some of them are rude. One lady sucked her teeth at me when I told her that it was out of my job description to get her an info pass appointment (I'd have to get up at 5 am to try to get her an open slot). I called another lady back and she said: "It took you guys that long to call me back?" I'm putting 110% in my cases, and put hours and hours in a case to make sure they get the best representation, so it is shocking that my effort is so undervalued to them.
Maybe I was naive to think there would always be some form of appreciation because a private lawyer would cost thousands of dollars, money that they cannot afford.
Any advice on how to go about with pro-bono clients and serving a low income population?
**UPDATE:**
Thanks for the responses. I have been thinking about this all night and it really opened my eyes. Now that I think about it, some of my clients are not just poor, but the poorest of the poor. They are adults, but in reality they're like children. The social norms that we know about appointments, etc., they may not have had the opportunity to learn.
With all that in mind, I am starting to believe I am not cut out for his, no matter how good my intentions are. I am burnt out after only 3 1/2 months.
My only concern is, if and when it is time for me to leave, who helps these people? And if people are constantly leaving non-profit, who helps these people?
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE: Pro bono clients are driving me mad. HELP.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladviceofftopic/comments/7wf7z8/update_pro_bono_clients_are_driving_me_mad_help/) - 9 February 2018
I am a non-profit/public interest lawyer. I work with low-income clients providing free legal services.
I, first, want to thank all the people who reached out in my original post to give me such insightful advice. I truly appreciate it. I wanted to give everybody an update on some changes that have happened in the past month and a half.
Well, first, I have decided to continue working as a non-profit lawyer. However, I have switched to another branch of law. Previously I was working in another area of law, but I now work in housing law. I also now work in a different office than I did before.
The great part about my new department and (new office) is the abundant amount of structure and efficiency. This office does not allow walk ins, period. This was something people suggested in my first post and boy has that made my day easier. Second, the receptionist is bilingual, so I am never called to assist with the front desk. The clients I serve in the housing law department are also very on point when it comes to appointments. Most come on time to their appointments and if they cannot make it, they call in advance to reschedule. (I assume the urgency of evictions would cause people to attend their appointments on time).
The new structure is great, allows me to be efficient and I don’t feel burnt out by the end of the day anymore.
However, with every positive comes a negative. I have to admit that the clients I serve in housing law are much more rude, abrasive and disrespectful. And the rudeness, happens with a lot more frequency.
Yesterday, I witnessed a client scream at my supervising attorney. The client wanted her landlord to sign a paper and was asking the attorney if she could ask/force the landlord to sign the paper. The attorney told her she had no legal means to force the landlord to sign the paper. She proceeded to scream at the attorney for a good minute. Then told her "thanks for nothing" then hung up on her.
Today, I was at the receiving end of the abuse. A client told me to "take my finger and shove it up my ass." Then hung up the phone. I was shocked. I didn't expect that at all. (I know, my naivety is showing again). My supervising attorney has warned me that this behavior happens often with the clients in the housing department. It is the downside of this new department and something I will have to learn to deal with for the period I stay working in housing law.
There are also some strange behaviors like a client who came in as a walk in. When he was told that I only see clients with appointments, he refused to leave. I shaked it off and laughed. There also have been some ridiculous cases such as a man who refused to pay his rent although I warned him several times in advance what would happen, then came in shocked that he got an eviction notice. Another client who strongly insisted that he shouldn't have to pay the four months back rent he owed, although he signed a lease and lived in the trailer park the entire time period he was being charged for. I've had to give the side eye quite a few times.
Overall, I’m not giving up. I would like to stay working in public interest. I've reaffirmed my commitment to serving the underprivileged. I know it will be a challenge, but I know that no field of law is perfect, and there will be problems no matter what type of law I work in. Plus, I have other clients who have shown me that my commitment is completely worth it and have made my job so worthwhile. I’ve signed on for the next year so we will see how it goes. Again, thank you to everyone.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ykhwxk/probono_clients_are_driving_me_mad_help/ | ykhwxk | 7,556 | 5,029 | [
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2022-11-02T21:40:51 | AITA for telling my son I can’t trust him? | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ykifw8/aita_for_telling_my_son_i_cant_trust_him/ | ykifw8 | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-02T23:53:21 | AITA for telling my son I can’t trust him? | CONCLUDED | This was one that broke my heart in a few ways. It's a good reminder that often in children and teens, sudden changes in behavior are due to an outside force. It's also important to remember that there can be things going on behind the scenes in someone's life that we aren't privy to. I sincerely wish this family the best.
**I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/tthrowaway16\_\_](https://www.reddit.com/user/tthrowaway16__/). They posted in [r/AITA](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITA/) and then on their own page. Please remember the no brigading rule.
Trigger Warnings: >!Child endangerment, child abuse, implied child sexual abuse (not explicit)!<
Mood Spoiler: >!sad!<
**Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yddhnl/aita_for_telling_my_son_i_cant_trust_him/): **October 25, 2022**
I have 3 kids. A 15 year old son and 8 year old twin daughters. They all get along well and my son loves his sisters and vice versa.
Sometimes my husband and I have to go to certain events and I ask my son if he can watch his sisters for the night. He usually says yes unless he has plans (I just ask my mom then).
So on Friday night we had an event to go to and I again asked my son if he’d be willing to babysit. He said sure and that was it.
We came back at around midnight and I went to check on the kids and my son was fast asleep while one of the twins was puking her guts out and the other one was crying. I was surprised but I also didn’t really blame my son in any way. They weren’t really making any noise and were clearly asleep before all hell broke loose.
Well I manage to calm my girls down and they end up telling me how their big brother was really mean and grumpy all day and when they asked for food he gave them a jar of peanut butter. The twins cannot have peanut butter (they aren’t allergic but it makes them ill). The girls know as well but they were hungry and he said they HAD to eat it.
My son knows this and the peanut butter is kept out of the twins sight and reach and is literally only in the house for him.
I woke him up the next morning and asked him if all this was true. He just made a noise and was all like “the little snitches... yeah so they had a little peanut butter what’s the big deal?”
I told him that he knows they can’t have it and not only that but I also don’t like how they described his attitude. Especially when he told them they had to eat it.
He just told me to stop overthinking, he forgot peanut butter makes them that sick, he only said they had to eat it because he didn’t want them going hungry, he didn’t feel like ordering, cooking or warming up leftovers either and also the twins were being annoying.
I told him that these excuses are not good enough and that what he did was honestly kind of cruel. I told him that I don’t know if I can trust him with the girls anymore as well.
He just rolled his eyes and told me that I’m being really fucking dramatic and that the twins will be fine, I don’t need to act like this. He’s really upset with me and every time me or his dad say anything, he’ll just reply with “oh I thought I was cruel? I thought you couldn’t trust me?”
He’s not budging and he’s not normally like this so I’m wondering AITA? My sister told me to post on here since I’m so conflicted. Didn’t think it would hurt.
**Relavent Comments:**
"I’m not sure about abuse and assault but definitely negligent. And the excuses were just him being the usual whiny teenage boy so I just ignore them.
As for the rude remarks, I didn’t mention but he gets told off for it every time but he just goes quiet and then comes out of his room hours later and the cycle repeats."
*This response was downvoted quite a bit, and one commenter had a response that foreshadowed the update:*
This is NOT just whiny teenage behavior, this is far more concerning and I think you need to be taking it more seriously. Something is obviously going on with your son and you need to get to the bottom of it ASAP.
*Another comment since I saw a few people talking about the peanut butter allergy:*
"There’s definitely no more peanut butter in the house but I have taken the girls to a doctor and specialist and voiced my concerns but I was always told that they don’t really have an allergy."
OOP is deemed NTA
**Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/tthrowaway16__/comments/yeerte/update_aita_for_telling_my_son_i_cant_trust_him/): **October 26, 2022**
First I’m sorry if I make mistakes or if I don’t make sense. I’m in shock and I’ve been crying for hours. My sister reminded me of my post and then suggested quickly writing an update to help myself process the situation.
Like I said, I talked to my son, just him and I. He implied that something happened to him and seemed really nervous. His hands were shaking, he couldn’t keep eye contact etc. He said that he’ll tell me once dad comes home because he doesn’t know if he can muster up the courage to say it again. This concerned me a lot. I was hoping that it was girl problems and now that I know what it was, I wish it was him feeling like he babysits too much like many of you guys suggested.
His dad came home and we put the girls to bed. Then we sat down to talk. He then told us what happened. I’m being vague on purpose but I have never seen my husband cry and what our son told us was enough to break us both.
My son began to just say whatever came into his mind and said that he had interacted with the person that inflicted harm upon him earlier that day and was in a very off mood. Anything the twins did made him angry and then they asked for food but he was in a bad mood so he offered the fruit and quick and easy junk food I had mentioned we had but they refused to eat it.
He said that he suddenly felt as if he was back where the bad thing happened to him and he ended up telling them that he was going to give them peanut butter for being annoying. The same way that person did something to him for being disruptive and annoying. He told me they were hesitant but they ate it so as to not make him angrier and when he snapped back to reality he got nervous and made them promise not to tell.
The girls then said something which put him back in that bad place but he managed to go into his room before he did anything else.
He said he was really really sorry and that he’s really scared because he can feel himself turning into the person that did that to him. He said that he doesn’t know why he yelled at me so much and he just would not stop crying.
We comforted him and he ended up falling asleep. I’ll be honest though, I’m scared. His behaviour changes are making sense now but I never thought that person would do such a thing to my baby. My poor son who was so fucking scared. We’re going to get a lawyer and again, being vague on purpose but my husband is determined to put that sick disgusting human away. We’ll also be getting therapy for my son.
I was going to talk about some things you guy mentioned but I don’t know if I can write anymore. I’m exhausted. Just know that I took everything into consideration. My son won’t be babysitting for a while due to his mental health. Not because I don’t trust him but because of his own fear. I’ll also be booking a doctor’s appointment to figure out the girls problem with peanuts.
Also parents, please keep in mind that although it’s true that teens can be massive jerks, big changes don’t occur simply due to puberty. There is always a bigger reason. Bullying, peer pressure, drugs, sexual abuse, etc. Anything is possible. It’s easy to think that things can’t happen to your children but look at where that left me.
I thought my kids would be safe. We live in the safest neighborhood and my kids are growing up with lots of privileges many can only dream of. Yet my son was still hurt. By an adult we all trusted. Don’t make my mistake, teach your kids to say no and scream for help. Tell them that NO ONE has the right to their bodies. Tell your sons that it CAN happen to them. I know it’s hard but it’s a lot harder to hear your child cry because it happened.
I didn’t think my post would get any attention but maybe it was for the better, at least now people now what can happen to their children. My son is 6ft tall and has the build of a true hockey player and it happened to him. He’s not shy and is never afraid to speak his mind, but he still kept it a secret.
Don’t make my mistakes.
If I don’t respond to anymore comments, please excuse me. I only wrote this because my husband is taking a shower, my children are asleep and I can’t stand being alone with my thoughts right now. Again, I appreciated all the comments, even the ones criticizing my parenting.
**OOP, I'm so, so sorry. I'm sure I speak for all of us when I say we're sending your family love.** | LucyAriaRose | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ykmaw5/aita_for_telling_my_son_i_cant_trust_him/ | ykmaw5 | 8,802 | 5,818 | [
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2022-11-03T04:10:11 | I think I’m pregnant | ONGOING | [removed] | JustGenuinee | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ykrugh/i_think_im_pregnant/ | ykrugh | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-03T06:05:38 | OOP - I recently purchased a French Press, what do I need to know? | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Android_Is_Great in r/Coffee and r/recipes**
trigger warnings: >!none!<
mood spoilers: >!Adorable. Heartwarming. Lovingly mundane.!<
---
&nbsp;
[**I recently purchased a French Press, what do I need to know?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Coffee/comments/ddw38b/i_recently_purchased_a_french_press_what_do_i/) - r/Coffee - October 5, 2019
Are there any special tricks or anything to get better results out of them?
&nbsp;
[**How do I use a coffee press?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Coffee/comments/df881q/how_do_i_use_a_coffee_press/) - r/Coffee - October 8, 2019
Do I have to grind the beans, or just put them directly into the coffee press? How would I use the coffee press if I want my coffee to use milk instead of water? Sorry if these questions are really basic, I'm a 13 year old trying to make my mom feel special on her birthday.
Edit:
Thanks for the awards! I’ll give an update on whether my mom like the coffee after we celebrate.
&nbsp;
**Additional Comment**
Someone previously mentioned that I need to grind the beans, can I use a blender for that, or do I need special equipment to grind them? If I need special equipment, is there anywhere I can get it for free? Or use it for free?
&nbsp;
[**Birthday dinner recipes**](https://www.reddit.com/r/recipes/comments/dg5uf7/birthday_dinner_recipes/) - r/recipes - October 10, 2019
Hi,
My parents' birthdays are within a week of each other, so I'm throwing a small birthday with our closest friends for them. There will be a total of 9-10 people, and I wasn't sure of what to make for my parents' birthday dinner. I need the whole meal to be vegetarian, and I don't want something too complicated as I am 13 years old. I am a decent cook, based on what others have told me so send some recipes, and I'll see if I can make them. Ideally, I'd like to have an appetizer, a main course, a dessert, and a non alcoholic drink. The adults will probably drink wine, but I need a drink for the kids too.
&nbsp;
[**What are some of the best salads to pair with pasta?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/recipes/comments/dgnnef/what_are_some_of_the_best_salads_to_pair_with/) - r/recipes - October 11, 2019
I can't change the title, but I meant to say PIZZA*
I'm a 13 year old trying to make a birthday dinner for my parents (their birthdays are within a week of each other), so I'd like the salad to taste really good with pizza.
&nbsp;
[**What is the best way to make garlic bread?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/recipes/comments/dgnrju/what_is_the_best_way_to_make_garlic_bread/) - r/recipes - October 11, 2019
I don't know how to make garlic bread, but I'm a 13 year old trying to make it for his parents' birthday dinner.
&nbsp;
[**[UPDATE] How do I use a coffee press?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Coffee/comments/dsrh3f/update_how_do_i_use_a_coffee_press/) - r/Coffee - November 6, 2019
So my mom's birthday was this past weekend, but due to stuff we had going on afterwards, I wan't able to update you guys. So here's my update.
My mom really enjoyed the coffee, along with the breakfast I made and gave her in bed. It consisted of some quick eggs, bread, and coffee. She was blown away by the flavors in the coffee compared to her instant powdered coffee flavor. After we went out for a long hike, I asked her if she wanted a second cup while we were watching a movie, and she accepted. This time, it wasn't so good, but she enjoyed it all the same. By the end of the day, when all of our relatives had come and gone, and we were finished with her and my dad's party, she said she had enjoyed the freshly brewed coffee the most out of all the presents she had gotten, because I had made it. Thanks for everything r/Coffee community!
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | Exilicauda | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yktww0/oop_i_recently_purchased_a_french_press_what_do_i/ | yktww0 | 3,838 | 5,863 | [
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2022-11-03T10:30:07 | I've found out why my husband hides his best friend from me, and I don't think there's anything I can do about it. | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ykylwo/ive_found_out_why_my_husband_hides_his_best/ | ykylwo | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-03T11:30:05 | OOP has doubts about his relationship with mtf girlfriend | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yl01uv/oop_has_doubts_about_his_relationship_with_mtf/ | yl01uv | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-03T12:23:00 | OP's Best Friend Demands Expensive Wedding Gifts (AITA Oct 25, '22) | CONCLUDED | Originally posted by u/StandardPassage7787 in r/AmItheAsshole on Oct 10, '22, updated Oct 25, '22
[Original Post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y0i633/aita_for_refusing_to_get_my_best_friend_a_wedding/)
AITA for refusing to get my best friend a wedding gift?
I (23F) have known my best friend (24F), let's call her Maria, since we were babies. We have been inseparable our whole lives and she is like a sister to me. We both grew up in a poor area and our families struggle a lot with money. We are both in our final year of college now and I don't have a lot of money to spare - I have lots of student debt and I work two jobs to have enough money for food and rent, etc. We both go to a very prestigious college so we have worked very hard to get to where we are.
Around six months ago, Maria met a guy at the shop she works at, called Mike (33M). They started dating pretty quickly and Mike is very rich - he is the definition of living off daddy's money. At first I was a little bit skeptical as obviously Mike is quite a bit older than her but she seemed happy. After a month of them dating, Maria had changed a lot. She was missing lectures and tests to go on last-minute holidays to Dubai, Paris, New York, etc, and always coming back with designer accessories. After three months she moved in with Mike, which upset me as I had to sell our shared apartment because I could not afford rent by myself. I thought they were moving very quickly but I didn't want to seem jealous or petty by bringing it up.
Around a month ago, Mike proposed to Maria, and she accepted. I was happy for her, but after she told me her plans, I was shocked. Maria's dream since we were kids was to work for NASA and she has worked so hard for this - she has taken internships there and was planning to apply there for next year. But her new plan is to get married, graduate college and move to LA with Mike and become a housewife. The wedding is planned for this December and it is the most lavish, expensive wedding that you could think of. Her bridal shower is next week and she has asked me to be her maid of honor. While I don't approve of her plans, of course I said yes.
She's inviting me and some of her new, rich friends she's met through Mike to the shower, and she made a groupchat with all of us in. She sent us a list of the presents she wanted which took me by surprise because this list included designer items and luxury furniture that I could definitely not afford - the cheapest was $550!! I had planned to get her something sentimental and personal, not designer brands. While all the bridesmaids were discussing in the chat what they would buy for her I messaged her privately and apologised that I wouldn't be able to buy anything. She completely went off at me, saying that my financial issues shouldn't get in the way of her wedding. I got pretty upset as this isn't the Maria I've known my whole life and she is well aware of my issues with money. I told her that if this is the way she's acting, I wouldn't buy her anything at all.
She's removed me from the wedding party chat and I've had several angry messages from Mike and the bridesmaids telling me what a horrible friend I am. I'm feeling very conflicted about whether I'm in the wrong, AITA?
*Verdict: Not the Asshole*
[Update 18 days later](https://www.reddit.com/user/StandardPassage7787/comments/yd4shx/update_aita_for_refusing_to_get_my_best_friend_a/)
Thank you everyone for your comments. It has been 3 weeks since I dropped out of the wedding party and I am still getting calls from Mike and the bridesmaids. I spoke to a couple friends and asked for advice and like a lot of comments said they advised just to be there for Maria and try to reach out if possible. I messaged her last week asking to meet for a coffee and after being left on read for a few days she agreed.
I spoke to her explaining my concerns about the marriage and why I decided to drop out of the wedding party. She stayed silent through all of it and when I finished she broke down in tears, so badly she couldn't speak. I took her back to my place and once she calmed down she explained what was really happening.
Like I said, Mike lives off his parents' fortune. Turns out his parents had a deal - he could only continue using their money as long as he got married by 35. As he was quickly reaching this deadline he found a young, pretty girlfriend and rushed into marriage so he could continue his luxury lifestyle. Maria found this out at family dinner back in July; Maria tried to confront him but he threatened her with taking all her money leaving her jobless & without an place to live. Mike's parents also have a prenuptial in the works and Maria confessed she has been stalling it as long as she can. She also explained to me that the bridesmaids/new 'friends' had been picked by Mike as daughters of his father's friends and they all made fun of Maria for being previously poor. Because of this she felt like she had to change hence the dramatic personality change and expensive registry.
It all went down after I dropped out of the party. Maria caught Mike cheating with an even younger girl, she found messages of them sexting and evidence of her coming to their house. She confronted him and he denied everything, deleted all evidence and tried gaslight her into thinking she made it up. She was sleeping in the spare room until we met up, and right now she's staying on the couch in my apartment. Last night she officially called off the engagement and both me and her have been receiving hateful messages all night.
We're making a plan at the moment to help her cut ties with Mike, get back on track with college and find a job again. I'm still mad at her for what she did to me and it will take a very long time for our friendship to get back on track but I am trying my best to support her. Again, thank you everyone for your comments and feedback, I really appreciate it. While she still has a long way to go, I am happy to see that the person I knew and loved is slowly coming back. | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yl1f0o/ops_best_friend_demands_expensive_wedding_gifts/ | yl1f0o | 6,095 | 8,013 | [
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2022-11-03T12:33:38 | OOP's cousin "pranks" his wife and almost ends his marriage | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yl1ni8/oops_cousin_pranks_his_wife_and_almost_ends_his/ | yl1ni8 | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-03T12:49:52 | OOP has doubts about his relationship with mtf girlfriend | ONGOING | *\*\*I am NOT OOP. Original post by* [*u/Muddledegg*](https://www.reddit.com/user/Muddledegg/) *in* [*r/mypartneristrans*](https://www.reddit.com/r/mypartneristrans/) *and* [*r/relationship\_advice*](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/)
*\*\*OOP has posted largely the same text of the initial post in both subreddits, I have reproduced text from mypartneristrans but RA thread is also linked.*
*Let me know in case of any errors, I will rectify them.*
trigger warnings: >!no outright transphobia but may be difficult to read for some, mentions of vaginoplasty!<
mood spoilers: >!sad!<
&#x200B;
# I(CIS, straight m28) am having difficulties coming to terms with my girlfriend's body as my sole, permanent sexual partner(f26) ([LINK - mypartneristrans](https://www.reddit.com/r/mypartneristrans/comments/rvd4qn/icis_straight_m28_am_having_difficulties_coming/)) - January 04, 2022 ([Also posted in RA](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rvc7a4/im28_am_really_unsure_what_to_do_about_my_trans/))
&#x200B;
I really hope this post is not difficult for anyone to read, but just in case I want to make my first paragraph state clearly that this post is about a CIS male's honest difficulties in reconciling being in love with a trans woman when her genitals are not what I ever expected to be with long-term sexually. I am not well versed in trans lingo; I know what my girlfriend prefers and we have a few trans friends but I have never been deeply involved in the community. I promise anything I say comes from a place of trying to be sensitive, but I would like to apologize in advance if I'm insensitive in any way.
**Now; to the post:**
I met a really cool girl when I was living far from home in 2017. We were both in Tokyo, but both from the US south(generally, we were about a 5 hr drive from each other). We met by accident as strangers and shared some fun times together platonically.
I was there for the long haul -- work, school, etc. for another year or more after I met her. She was just on a vacation and was headed back home about a week after we met. We exchanged messenger info and continued talking. Stayed platonic -- I updated her on happenings in Japan, really enjoyed talking to her(it was nice to have another American who was interested in what I was doing honestly, most people at home would talk to me once a week or w/e and I don't blame them the time difference was killer and I had so much going on that I was probably not the best friend to keep up with anyway).
When I was about three months from coming home we video called because she wanted to see my porch view at a new apartment I had temporarily(you could see Fuji from my balcony, super cool). On that call I asked her if I could take her out when I got back. She said yes, but mentioned the distance/etc. which I said was no big deal(and stood by that).
Well, the distance was no big deal. I visited her. We had a really awesome date, though we were an hour and a half from her house and 4 hours from mine so we did not go home together or anything. I kissed her but that's as far as we went. I then had to go on a short work trip to Seattle, kept talking to her, things got a little intense, and I asked if she would let me fly her to stay with me where I was working. She said she couldn't, I respected it, and we finally ended up in a position where we didn't live an undriveable amount of time away from each other in late 2018. I was settled back into the south and so was she.
Asked her out on a second date, told her if it wouldn't be too crazy I would like to just pick her up and go to the mountains for a weekend(or as long as she could stay). She said yes. **It was only at this point, after nearly two years of talking, that she revealed to me she was trans.** She had identified as female since her early teens and passed well enough that I never even had suspicions -- I 1000% see her as a girl who happens to have different genitals, despite not really giving trans girls much thought before that weekend. We had a great weekend, I did not miss a beat regarding the revelation and we made sex work despite me never being with someone having those genitals, but it started a cycle of worry for me that maybe hasn't stopped.
Well, 2019 was pretty good. We had several more long term visits where I rented places for us to stay, she stayed at my place once, and we had a lot of day-dates where I drove to that city that is 1.5 hrs from her and 4 from me.
**Come 2020 lockdown I asked if she wanted to come stay with me for a while. We are now pretty serious and she has been living with me since June 2020.**
I really like her if you haven't figured that out from the post so far. She mentioned marriage for the first time over Christmas, and it hit me like a bag of bricks. I am having MASSIVE second thoughts regarding the idea of not having kids. I am also not really super into her genital situation sexually, and I know that is so awful to say, but I am terrified that one day I will wake up and not be as satisfied as I am now. I am REALLY into her and have made it work mentally but it feels like it takes effort some days and I really do not know what that will look like in 10 or 20 years. I'm into HER, and I like pleasing HER, so it has been manageable for me...but I am so afraid that one day it will not be.
Having two years to become attached to her before I saw her naked I had no problems in the moment accepting her situation down there, and I have continued to be OK with it, but I feel like I am making reverse progress rather than forward progress on being cool with it. I never considered myself gay and have zero attraction to guys. She is a very attractive person and that is what has made this work for me so far but I am having a kind of existential moment of fear that I might wake up one day and not know what I am doing.
**Has anyone else ever had to go through being surprised by someone being trans?** Again, when we began our relationship I was making it work because I loved every other part of her, but she is getting really serious now mentioning marriage and I have not yet really come to terms with the fact that the woman I fell in love with does not have the genitals I expected of my forever partner, and with that comes potential long-term sexual and reproductive repercussions that I never considered. I have always wanted kids. I know I can adopt, but I think I have been living in a sort of fantasy where I acted like she would not always be this way.
**I feel like a piece of shit garbage human. I love her but it is getting harder, not easier for me to reconcile her being trans.** I want to marry her and be the good guy who lives an awesome life with the person he fell in love with, but this feels like a hammer dropping and reminding me that my fantasy she will not always be different than what I expected is just a fantasy and I am on the precipice of committing my life to someone who has features I never even considered being with sexually. I feel like the time I have spent with her was a dream where I kept, deep in the back of my mind, thinking I would wake up one day and things would be "normal" -- but I am facing reality now and I did not know how much I was sheltering myself until this last week of inner turmoil. **I would really appreciate any advice.**
I want to be with her, but it took her casually mentioning marriage for me to realize how much I have been hiding from myself regarding my level of comfort with her body. The problem is I have never mentioned this to her. She asked me one singular time if I was OK with her body, to which I said I loved her body. Which was absolutely true at the time. But some days are a lot harder than others, and if I commit to a life with her I am terrified those hard days will become more common.
Please send help. This is an earnest post from a guy who loves a girl very much but is only just coming to terms with the difficulties of dating a trans woman as a straight guy.
&#x200B;
# Follow-up: "difficulties with partner's genitals" ([LINK - mypartneristrans](https://www.reddit.com/r/mypartneristrans/comments/s39sjf/followup_difficulties_with_partners_genitals/)) - January 13, 2022
&#x200B;
I(male) made this long post about 10 days ago regarding my partner(mtf). Two days after making it I spoke to my partner about my reservations regarding her genitals. I emphasized my love for her, my obsession with her as a person, and told her I just had to talk to her about it because she's my best friend. As expected, she was hurt because I had not shown many reservations throughout our relationship out of respect for her and because I loved her before we even dated. We had been talking for years at that point, before I knew she was trans. This was one of the most difficult nights of my life.
About a week later she has gone through some stages of grief but engaged in some problem-solving attempts and did a great deal of research regarding vaginoplasty, reporting to me, discussing with me. I had no idea this was an option she would consider because she never expressed discomfort and she's kind of scared of change(she, for example, refuses to get tattoos because she might regret them).
We have come to another issue: my penis is way too big for average vaginoplasty sizes. She's seeing 6.5 inches depth as the absolute upper end of vaginoplasty procedures(with 4-5 inches not being abnormal apparently) and I'm around 8 inches so anal would likely continue being our primary means of penetrative(non-oral) sex because I'm sure having me be too long will not be comfortable for either of us.
I almost regret this discussion, but I knew it had to happen after making my post.
Just wanted to provide a real follow-up and a thank you to everyone who replied to me including the many discussions I had in DMs.
I do not know what our future holds. She's still crying every night, which is soul-crushing for me.
&#x200B;
# We have decided not to be together any more. ([LINK - mypartneristrans](https://www.reddit.com/r/mypartneristrans/comments/svp5k7/we_have_decided_not_to_be_together_any_more/)) February 18, 2022
&#x200B;
I made a couple of posts recently
In these posts I outlined that I wasn't sure if my mtf partner had the genitals I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I know that may come off as shallow, but I had this gut feeling that I needed to step back and think about this because I was infatuated with her long before I knew she had a penis and while we had plenty of sex it never felt right.
After nearly 2 months of pain, therapy, and nightly crying after telling her my concerns we have decided that maybe we aren't the fairy tale "met traveling far from home but happen to live in the same area" story we thought we were. I would like to remain friends with her but she has decided to move back to the city she was living in before she moved in with me in 2020.
I paid the deposit on her new place and she stepped through the threshold of the home we had together maybe for the last time Sunday. I am devastated. I still love her of course. The pain is indescribable. She updated me that she got there and sent me a couple of short messages but we aren't talking much after 4+ years of talking daily for hours. I guess we're both exhausted.
&#x200B;
*The relationship saw its end with the previous post.*
*However, tangentially related: Since the break up, OOP has posted in relationship\_advice about his dating choices.*
&#x200B;
# I(29m) am getting some heat from friends for my dating choices. ([LINK - RA](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/u7fy96/i29m_am_getting_some_heat_from_friends_for_my/)) - April 19, 2022
&#x200B;
Hi all,
I recently went through a rough breakup. I have been doing some casual dating just to keep myself busy I guess you could say. I'm 29 but have been either in a relationship or traveling too much to date for like 7-8 years, so I haven't actually dated someone I had not known for years prior.
Anyway, I have a decent friend group. We go on group dates and stuff. They were supportive of me in getting over my ex, but I have dated 2 girls since my breakup in late January and my friends have started making comments about me "dating young".
The first girl was 19. I didn't even know her age when we started hanging out, and it wasn't apparent to me. She was in college but I guessed mid 20s honestly. Maybe my age radar is off...A couple of friends made comments about her but it wasn't that bad.
After we went our separate ways(she actually moved), I met a 21 year old girl. Comments from friends started kind of flooding in with the second girl -- I guess they were uncomfortable with the pattern?
Is it really weird for me to date these girls at my age? I have not thought a single thing about it until friends pointed it out. Age difference barely occurred to me because I do not feel "old". I am a stage or two past where I was at 19 but I am still the same person on the same trajectory.
&#x200B;
*\*\*Reminder - I am not the original poster* | ShakeThatTushy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yl201t/oop_has_doubts_about_his_relationship_with_mtf/ | yl201t | 13,335 | 3,080 | [
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2022-11-03T12:54:35 | Grandparents Don’t Approve Of Black Boyfriend (RA Sept 15, '19) | REPOST | Originally posted by u/Throwawaye615 in r/relationship_advice on Sept 6, 2019, updated Sept 15, 2019. This was shared [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/fdfvyb/grandparents_dont_approve_of_my_relationship_with/) in BoRU two years ago.
Trigger Warning: racism
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/d0fmrl/my_grandparents_dont_approve_of_my_relationship/)
Grandparents don’t approve of my relationship with my black boyfriend, and don’t want me to marry him
What do you do when you find out that someone you love more than anything in the world actually has some bad qualities?
I was orphaned at 8, and my paternal grandparents took me in. They’ve raised me with the utmost love and care anyone could ask for, and I’m not lying when I say that they’d readily die for me - but most parents/grandparents are like that so you all know what I’m talking about.
I’ve always looked up to them, and they’ve always set the very best examples for me; I’ve never ever seen either of them be unkind to a single soul, and they’ve always taught me to be that way too.
Recently though, I received the shock of my life when I saw their reaction to seeing my boyfriend (let’s call him Sam) for the first time (who happens to be black). I’ve never pegged them for racist people, and it was honestly unexpected. They tried to hide it but I could see it on their faces, that they didn’t approve.
Since then they’ve just never liked the guy, and have always been like really nit-picky about him, criticising him about the smallest of things, always judging every single thing he says and does very harshly etc. I’ve tried time and again to convince them that he’s a really good guy, that he loves me and cares about me but to no avail.
Well, he proposed to me, and it was the happiest moment of my life. When I told my grandparents though, it was clear they were upset. This time, unlike before, they didn’t make excuses about why they didn’t like him and just straight up confessed to having a problem with his race.
At first I was incredibly pissed off, but I tried to reason with them and get to the bottom of why they felt this way. They think all black people are really similar to the way they’re portrayed in racist stereotypes. This is all despite the fact that he’s nothing like the racist stereotypes portray black people. He’s a college educated, well dressed, well spoken man with a good job and a decent salary. This doesn’t sway them.
Another thing that really confuses me is my mom, who was Asian. They were apparently not only okay with their son marrying an Asian woman, they loved her like she was their own daughter. They’re also really good friends with my maternal grandparents, who are from Korea/Singapore. When my maternal grandparents found out, they weren’t too happy either, and they were actually much more direct about it compared to my paternal grandparents.
I honestly don’t know what to do. Myboyfriend fiancé has always sorta known that my grandparents didn’t really like him, but he doesn’t suspect that it’s because of his race.
My friends have all unanimously sided against my grandparents and said stuff like “they don’t get to dictate what you do with your life; tell them to either accept it or you’ll cut them off permanently; just cut them off they’re toxic people” etc.
While my grandparents are definitely in the wrong about all this, I can’t even begin to fathom cutting them out of my life. They gave everything they had and more to raise me and give me the best life they could. They’re the reason I am who I am today; they were always there for me, took care of my every need and always put me above themselves. How can I just abandon them like this? After everything they’ve done for me?
On the other hand I can’t imagine losing Sam either.
What do I do?
P.S I gave my maternal grandparents an earful, and told them straight up that they had no right to say the kind of stuff they said about Sam, and that it was extremely rude. They tried to say stuff like “we only want what’s best for you” etc, but I shut that shit down, and told them I won’t speak to them again unless they treat him with respect.
[Update 1 week later](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/d4ofaz/update_my_grandparents_dont_approve_of_my/)
Hey guys, thanks for all your responses on my previous post.
It was all really good advice, but the very best out of it all was the suggestion that I come clean to Sam. I did that, and he reacted in a surprisingly calm manner. I asked him how he’s taking it so well and he told me he’s experienced something similar before.
His cousin had come out as gay a few years back, and he told me how his own grandparents reacted very poorly to his cousins revelation. He told me they absolutely refused to acknowledge the fact that he was gay and said some pretty hurtful stuff along the lines of how his homosexuality would embarrass them in front of all their family and friends etc. They wouldn’t allow the cousin to bring his boyfriend to family gatherings, and threatened to cut him out out of their inheritance unless he “got his head straight”.
He then showed me pictures of his grandparents laughing along with his cousins husband, pictures of them at his cousins wedding etc. He told me they eventually grew out of it and as they go to know him they really bonded with the guy.
Sam joked that he wouldn’t give my grandparents a choice and that within a month they’d be in love with him.
Well I think it’s working. Sam and I have dinner at my grandparents house every night, and each night I notice them more and more at ease and more avidly taking part in our conversations. Sam and my grandpa are both WW2 enthusiasts, and my grandpa absolutely loves having discussions on the subject with Sam.
I decided to update this post because last night something very special happened. I got there before Sam, and I could see the disappointment on their faces when they thought I had come alone. They asked where Sam was, when he was coming etc. Then they said we wouldn’t start eating until he arrived.
I’m just so incredibly happy that I get to keep both relationships. | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yl23tv/grandparents_dont_approve_of_black_boyfriend_ra/ | yl23tv | 6,233 | 14,591 | [
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2022-11-03T13:24:23 | A little girl seemingly disappears into thin air in a small town--but OOP is the only person to notice | INCONCLUSIVE | I am not OOP. This was originally posted by u/sbeckettthrowaway on r/Advice.
—
**ORIGINAL POST** on Jan 8, 2021: [A Little Girl Went Missing in my Town, and Nobody Seems to Remember, What do I do?](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/ktc2wi/a_little_girl_went_missing_in_my_town_and_nobody /)
Okay, i'm using a throwaway because this whole thing is really starting to freak me out. I live in a small town in Florida. It's pretty small, and because of that i'm close to a small handful of my neighbors. Down the road there is this family that lives there, a mom and two daughters.
I went over there the other day to see how they were doing, since it had been a couple days and I was feeling a little bored. The mother, Mary, was there, but I didn't see the girls. I asked where they were and she just looked kind of confused. She said Alex was in her room, as she was being really moody lately.
But when I asked about her younger daughter, Sandy, she just looked confused, and maybe worried? She said she only had the one.
I haven't gotten a good chance to talk to her eldest daughter, so I don't know if it's just the mom, but I asked a few of my other neighbors, and they just looked really confused, like I was spouting nonsense.
It's really starting to freak me out. I can't find anything online about this kind of thing happening, I don't think. Her name is Sandy Beckett.
What should I do? I know i'm certain she exists, i've talked to her so many times. She was a really sweet kid, and everyone just forgot her and she's nowhere to be found.
**UPDATE 1** (made as edit in post):
Woah, I didn't expect this to get as much attention as it did. Thank you to everyone who is concerned about my mental state, but unless I see anything else that might be a sign of some kind of illness or break such as schizophrenia, i'm going to hold off on going to a psychiatrist. I don't want to be committed against my will if i'm not crazy, and something is actually happening here.
I'm getting alot of the same questions so I thought i'd clear a few things up, and give some more details about the situation.
First of all, I'm absolutely sure that Sandy and Alex are two different people. Alot of you are saying that they're both short for Alexandra, and I might just be remembering wrong. I've seen them in the same room together, and interacting. (I think Sandy is short for Sandra anyway.)
I'm also certain they're sisters, not cousins or friends or anything of that nature. When I first met the family, Mary introduced them as her daughters, and everything i've seen points to them being sisters.
A few of you have questioned if I've seen Sandy age over the years, and I have. She's gotten older. She even got a haircut once, when she grew tired of her long hair.
I should also probably give some more specifics about all of us. I'm 17, have lived here for quite some time, and don't really know much of a history of mental illness in my family. I don't know most of my family, so there might be, but beyond a bit of depression on my Dad's side, nothing big that I know of. As for drugs, beyond a little weed I took in the freshmen year of highschool, I'm not on anything like that.
I don't know exact ages for the girls, but Alex is maybe 6 or 7, while Sandy was around 4. As for how often I see them, it varies. With the pandemic, I've seen them significantly less, but before all this I saw them roughly once a week. Sometimes I'd go a while without seeing them, and other times i'd see them just about every day. It evens out.
Some other things I've seen in the comments include the carbon monoxide levels in my house. I'm not sure about how to check that but i'll definitely look into getting that checked out.
If anyone has any other questions please feel free to ask me. I wanted to make this a follow up post, but i'm not exactly tech savvy, so this will have to do. Later today, i'm going to head over to their house again. I'm just gonna hang out with Mary, like i've done in the past, and at some point i'll say I need to use the bathroom, and then I'll check the hall for Sandy's bedroom. I'll let you know how that goes later today. Until then, thanks so much for all your concern, but for now I just need to figure out what's going on.
**UPDATE 2:**
Okay, So as promised I went over to their house today. I didn't bring up Sandy again, and Mary seemed to either pretend the previous conversation didn't happen, or doesn't remember it. She didn't seem concerned for me or my mental health at all, which is good.
After a while of general talking about stuff; some shows we like, covid, etc, I got up to use the bathroom. Mary didn't think anything of it, so I slipped down the hall. Before going to the bathroom, I looked down the hall. The kids bedrooms are still there. I tried to open Sandy's room, but it was locked. I didn't want to be caught snooping, so I quickly went to the bathroom and after a few minutes came back out.
I still haven't seen Alex. I asked Mary where she was, and she said she went down to see a few of the kids a few streets over. I didn't say anything, but that's a really weird answer, for a couple reasons. It's a small town, but the boys she was talking about are a good 20 minute walk. I honestly cant imagine Alex walking down there by herself, and her bike was still on their front lawn.
Any photos on their walls that I remember having the family are now gone. Not edited or anything, fully removed. A few were replaced with photos of Alex, and one was replaced with a painting of a cat, seemingly done by Alex.
I'm really starting to get worried here, as any good explanation is gone, and even though Alex still seemingly exists, I haven't seen her in a while.
Also, I tried to call the school district to get any information about a Sandy Beckett, but they wouldn't give me anything, since I wasn't a parent/guardian and wasn't on any lists of contacts. Not sure what to do now besides be vigilant and try and talk to Alex. Thanks for all your support, guys, it's really helping out. I'll try to respond to more comments, and hopefully give you guys a better picture of what's going on.
**UPDATE 3:**
I'm seeing alot of comments asking about my parents. Without going into too much of my problems, my mother is dead and my father is god knows where. I live with my grandparents. And as much as I want to say that they'll be able to help me out, I honestly have never known more checked-out people in my life. I could tell them I'm doing meth (im not lol) and they'd just be like "have fun". They don't care much for anything around them. They don't talk to the neighbors, and I know for a fact that they don't talk to the Becketts.
**UPDATE 4:**
someones outside. i've never seen em before theyre just standing in the middle of the road im freaking out. nobody new comes down here especially not at 11 at night. i cant go out i dont want em to see me. I havent seen anybody new down here since that new old guy moved in down the road why is someone here. i dont know this person theyre new im freaking out i cant confront them. im going to the bedroom and baracading myself in this isnt the thing thats takin me out. no ma'am. oh god illl up date when I get a chance and i know its safe f*ck
**UPDATE 5:**
people are confrsed about my last uodate. callled mary snd she said it was an okd friend whi wasv loiterin cuz she eas lookin for thr rigbt addresss, soeey noo opicture of persodn i panicced, jf she comees bacj ill tfy and remember to grt a picruee . csnt updsate more im si rired.
**UPDATE 6:**
I'm sorry for my sudden disapearance, after the shit I posted, no less. I'm going to be completely honest here, I don't really remember writing the last update, or the post I made to r/drugs. I'm not sure what all has happened these past few days here, but I do know that at some point I ended up getting sick. Something is wrong with my stomach, and I haven't been in the best physical or mental state. I realized I should probably update, so people don't get worried.
In all honesty, i'm just really tired and want all of this to stop. I'm scared about Sandy, and I don't know what all is happening anymore. I havent seen Mary or Alex since the last time I went over there. This isn't exactly a satisfying update, but i'm really tired and hurting all the time, and am frankly getting really tired with being worried about Sandy. Unless i find something I think is proof of something one way or another, whether im losing a few screws, or something did happen to Sandy. I just want to stop and go back to how things used to be. I'm sorry, guys.
If anything interesting happens i'll be sure to update. when I get better, i'm going to make an effort to go find Alex, but until then, I need to focus on shaking whatever bug I managed to pick up.
**UPDATE 7:**
I'm mostly better now, still a little iffy, but with a bit more time, i'll probably be good as new and ready to keep lookin into this.
As for Sandy, I took some of you guys's advice and went on socials to see if I could find anything about Sandy. I'm not going to give out socials (obviously) because I don't want them getting harrassed, especially if all this sh*t is just in my head.
Honestly, I didn't look too hard, but I plan to. So far, theres been nothing of interest. Mary hasn't posted too much on her Facebook as of late, though with the pandemic, its not like theres much to talk about besides politics. I found a picture of Alex up from a few weeks ago, and it looks new, so I'm confident she's okay. Nothing of Sandy. I'm gonna keep looking, as this seems like a good angle. Only problem is theres a lot of posts to sift through to try and find anything about Sandy.
I'm nervous though about if I find a picture of her. Should I post it? I feel kinda weird combing through her Facebook looking for pictures of a kid, even more so posting it to reddit. Idk I'm just really tired and need to figure this whole thing out. I'm gonna try to respond to some more people on here, but there's alot of comments, some saying the same thing, so I can't get them all. Thanks for all the support guys.
**UPDATE 8 / CONFESSION:**
People found a blog. I don't know what else I expected from Reddit, but they found it, and I need to come clean. Not in the way you think, but I have been somewhat lying.
OP does not exist. There was no neighbor. No grandparents, nothing. The reason things seem sketchy, is because I tried to do something sketchy.
I've seen those compilation videos of "mysteries solved by the internet" and similar titles. I thought if I tried to go about this like it was a current thing, maybe I could finally get some damn closure. I'm not a 17 year old concerned neighbor. My name is Alex Beckett.
In 2014 my younger sister Sandy Beckett went missing. I lived in Bronson, Florida. I tried to contact the police, but they didn't care about what some random kid had to say, especially considering I had been driven by my older cousin Jr. He has been arrested at least three times, once for hunting on private property, some bullshit charge about being a public nuisance or something (he was kinda being a prick, but thats what you get from a conspiracy nut) and for something related to the possession of crack, even though I know for a fact he couldn't have had any.
So the police weren't exactly inclined to care about me telling them Sandy went missing when I showed up in a beaten up Ford truck with the local conspiracy nut who's known for crack despite only doin weed. They basically told me the equivalent of "Go home, honey, and leave the mysteries for your little games."
My mother wouldn't be much help either. She's not exactly what society, or any sober person for that matter, would call a good mother. Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if she f*cking killed Sandy and panicked and somehow got it to stay quiet.
I think what worked against me back then was my age, my family, and the fact that my mom never wanted us kids to go out much. Not many people really knew us, despite being pretty tight knit.
So as for why I did this, I just wanted some answers. I thought maybe the internet could help me. And before anybody asks why I lied about who I am, would you really have believed me if I had some crazy conspiracy that happened when I was so young? I know it wouldv'e been chalked up to some false memory bullshit. Thats not what happened. You don't forget a sister. I've forgotten alot of things, but damnit I'm not gonna forget Sandy.
So I made this more episodic, I guess. Trying to get people interested, so they'd maybe look into this, and help me find answers. only problem is that this is the internet, and nobody takes these kinds of things as real. I've gotten a million comments that this isn't real. Well, bingo, you're half right. I just wanted people to see this, and maybe find some of those crazy internet sleuths to finally find Sandy. I don't even know if she's alive, but I hope she is.
Please. I know I haven't been truthful, and i'm sorry. I just wanted to find my sister. I did some dumb things, but I need some closure.
All in all, I'm sorry for any upset I may cause, and I'm sorry I lied. I hope that some people will still try and help me. I'll give any information I can to help.
—
[**SEPARATE POST**](https://www.reddit.com/user/sbeckettthrowaway/comments/lkpwy2/sandy_beckett/) published on Feb 16, 2021.
Sandy Beckett does not exist. I am mistaken. I am wrong, and remember things wrong from my childhood. I am sorry for being a bad daughter, and making up some stupid conspiracy.
--
[**FINAL POST**](https://www.reddit.com/user/sbeckettthrowaway/comments/n3mvra/post/) published on May 3, 2021.
Please forgive me if my last post caused any confusion. Send your questions, though I probably wont answer many since im busy a lot. Help is very much appreciated, though I don’t need it anymore. I am grateful for the attention my post received but I was incorrect. Was I wrong about my sister, yes, I was. Made the whole story up. To do that was wrong and im sorry. Make believe stories about sisters are just silly and im sorry. The whole thing was ridiculous. Last thing I wanted to do was make anyone worry. Post any grievances you might have about the whole thing, though I probably wont be able to respond. By myself is a hard way to respond to comments. My life has gotten better though, and I’m grateful for that. Mother was a big help, as well, assuring me about what was real and what was made up. She has really been a blessing. Is her love really something I’m worthy of? Still, I receive it. Reading through old scrapbooks shows how much she cares. These are the memories I hold dear. When push comes to shove, she’s pretty great. I’m glad to have her. 18 years just about, can’t believe it’s been this long. I’ll be happy to tell the world she’s great. Come and smell the roses, she would say, and she’s right. Back in the past were happy times, just the two of us. Since my last post confirming it was a mistake things are looking up. I’ll miss this all when I’m older. Be your best, though that’s pretty easy with a mother like mine. Free housing, and meals, though also love. Don’t ever not tell your parent’s you love them. Forget about not talking to them, call them now! Me, I’m gonna go see how my mom’s doing now, since it’s time for family bonding. Goodbye, guys!
[**Top comment**](https://www.reddit.com/r/undefined/comments/n3mvra/comment/gyigqxa/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) in response to OOP:
Read the first word of each sentence.
>Please send help, I was made by my mother to make the last post. She is still reading these. When I'm 18 I'll come back since I'll be free. Don't forget me, goodbye.
—
**Reminder: I am not OOP. Even if this was most likely a creative writing exercise (maybe?), I still enjoyed the journey and hope you did too.** | rickysayshey | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yl2sa4/a_little_girl_seemingly_disappears_into_thin_air/ | yl2sa4 | 15,929 | 1,759 | [
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2022-11-03T13:29:53 | OOP - AITA for telling my girlfriend to stop competing with a ghost? | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Chowderjr25 **in** r/AmItheAsshole
trigger warnings: NONE
[**AITA for telling my girlfriend to stop competing with a ghost?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xfb3d3/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_to_stop_competing/) \- 16th Sept 2022
Some context.
My(25m) father (deceased) studied to be a chef but life got in the way and had to do something else, but he kept his cooking skills. Every Saturday or Sunday, he prepared us a 5-course meal for the family. We (family) are not that good but we get together at least 2 times a month and cook some of the dishes that he used to prepare for us.
My gf (26f) also likes to cook and she is very good at it. She has been part of said tradition (as a guest) and knows the many plates my father made for us.
Now, for the past 6 months she has invited me to eat at her house, she has made every said plates, I didn’t find it strange at the beginning but after a couple of times, every time that she asked me how it was, no matter how much I tell her that it was very good, she somehow ends up dissatisfied with my answer. I have asked her what was the issue but got no answer.
A few days ago, she made my favorite dish and dessert. After I basically stuff my face, she asked me how it was and I told her it was freaking delicious. She started with how delicious? I answered her with 30 different ways of delicious and she was still not satisfied. Then she asked the question, better than your dad’s? And I understood why she was not satisfied.
This is what I said to her and what possibly makes me the asshole:
“Please don’t do that because I will never compare the two of you. Your food is delicious, I mean, I eat half a pot in one sit of how good it was. But if you want me to tell you that you are better than my old man, I’m sorry but it won’t happen and it’s not because of the level of your cuisine but for the mere fact that you are not my old man. You’re good on your own right. I look forward to eating your food just as much as I did every weekend he cooked for us. He’s gone, please stop competing with a ghost because you’re fighting a losing battle.”.
She ended up kicking me out and things have been icy between us.
EDIT: I never thought this would get this much attention. I will give you more information to make things clearer.
* She never met my father, we met 2 years after he passed away.
* I neither my family has compared her food or my brother's partners to our father's or anyone. Our grandma (dad's mother) did that (to us not them) and we made her cut it out because we know it's just plain rude.
* When we get together we're not babbling about our father, we know it would be a drag. We catch up about what we're are doing while someone cooks. If one of them brings a dish, we happily eat it.
* If there's something we can be wrong when we go to mom's house, it's that we don't let them cook (mom's request). My brothers or I are the ones who do it and we do it because we have many mannerism from our father. Although we are not him, it's like he is here. If they want to help, we let them help but we are mainly in charge. We mostly cook what our father's used to prepare, but we also do other things.
* If one of them invite us to their place, we all happily go and eat whatever they prepare because they're also very good at it.
* Lastly, we are planning to talk later today or tomorrow to clear things up and move from there.
**Verdict - NTA**
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ydrqeh/update_aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_to_stop/) \- 26th Oct 2022
I posted a few weeks ago and I got requests for an update, so here it is.
I spoke with my ex-gf the day after I made the post. The first thing she did was to apologized for her behavior; a stern talk from her parents and also from her therapist made her realize that she was acting out pure jealousy.
She told me that she was going to have 2 sessions a week and suggested couples therapy. We talked more in depth and I decided to not break up with her for the moment, I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt and my life was already hectic with work; I wanted to wait to be in a better headspace.
We communicated only through calls and messages, but we were on standby until new information came to light.
A few days ago one of my brothers called me for a work consultation and have dinner with them. During dinner they asked me how things were going and I told them that we were talking more but things were still on the fence.
That’s when my SIL told me something that happened between them.
SILs get together once a week and my ex was included. She said that months ago (just before her behavior started) my ex suggested to them about taking over our family dinners. I’m not talking about them cooking that day or they hosting the dinner at their houses, no, I’m talking to completely erased the whole thing.
SILs refused and told her that the dinner was important for them too. They like it and if she had a problem, to talk to me. My ex-gf still tried to push the idea a few more times until my SILs got tired and stopped inviting her to hang out with them and stopped talking with her, but they stayed civil.
I talked with my other SILs that night and they confirmed the whole thing. The next day I called my ex-gf telling her that we needed to talk. We met at her parent’s house and I went straight to the point. I told her that I found out what she tried to do (she confirmed) and I broke up with her.
EDIT:
She wanted to get rid of dinners at my mother's house entirely. She tried to get my SILs to join her cause but once that failed, she started trying to be better than my deceased father. She did that to get me stop going to my family gatherings or to join her cause to stop the family dinners. I hope this is clearer.
Thank you for taking the time with my mess and also thank you to those who DM me about their own experiences with their families.
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | raredontstare | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yl2wsj/oop_aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_to_stop/ | yl2wsj | 6,051 | 3,949 | [
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2022-11-03T14:20:47 | AITA for not allowing my daughters mother to walk back into her life as if nothing has happened | INCONCLUSIVE | [original and update is at the end as an edit](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ydcsaf/aita_for_not_allowing_my_daughters_mother_to_walk/)
**Original was posted 9 days ago (25th October 2022)**
&#x200B;
My (19M) used to be in a relationship with my daughter's mother Ashley (19) through high school. We didn’t use protection as she told me she was on birth control (I know now very stupid on my part)
Her parents moved so she had to move high schools. She broke up with me and I hadn’t heard from her until two years ago when she showed up at my house with a newborn. She told me she was mine and said she didn’t want her and that she was giving up her parental rights. My parents went mental with me obviously.
Fast forward two years and we have had the paternity done, confirmed that I am the father, got her parents involved who didn’t even know that she had had a baby and been to court and been given sole custody of Lia with the help of my parents. Her parents wanted nothing to do with Lia, so custody wasn’t an issue. My parents have been brilliant and now I am legally an adult sole custody has been given to me.
Ashley now wants to meet her daughter. I have said no for now as I don’t trust that she’s not going to walk away again when she gets bored of Lia. I’m not ruling it out at all, but I don’t want to put my daughter through losing her mum again.
I asked my case worker, and she said after speaking to Ashley that she wasn’t convinced she really wanted to have a daughter either. She made it seem like she thinks it would be cool to have a baby which is not the reason for getting in contact.
My case worker and lawyer have both said that I am under no obligation to allow her back into Lia’s life as she signed her rights away and so did her parents.
I have explained how I feel to Ashley and why I said no but she calls me an AH. Her friends have also been calling me an AH around my college. Ashley doesn’t go to my college but now everybody knows what happened from her friends. Some people didn’t even know I had a child before all this. I just want to know if I am an AH
&#x200B;
**VERDICT: NTA (not the asshole)**
&#x200B;
**UPDATE**
Sorry if this doesn’t make sense. I have been drinking a lot. Lia’s not with me before anybody says anything. She safe with my mom.
Had one hell of a day today. I was at college and my mom phones saying she needed to drop Lia off as she had an emergency. My professor told me to bring her into class with me and she will watch her while I work.
I go and grab Lia off my mom and as I’m walking back in Ashley and her minions turn up. They all start shouting at me saying I should let Ashley look after her while I’m in class. She laughs and agrees so I said ok here you go then. Everything you need is in there.
By this time there is a big crowd watching and the dean has been called. Ashley just laughs and says I don’t think so. Look how ugly she is. I wouldn’t be seen dead touching a baby like that. I lost it with her, and the dean held me back. I must admit I said something I shouldn’t.
Long story short, the dean doesn’t want any more drama in his school and suggests I take some time off if I can’t get my emotions under control.
My mom was angry with me and said I shouldn’t have spoken to Ashley the way I did and told me to look at myself. She told me to think about what I did. I walked out saying I needed to think about stuff.
I am at my friend's dorm and drunk my way through everything he has. My mom has phoned me 147 times, but I haven’t answered her yet. I’ve listened to her messages and Lia’s fine. I’m not that stupid. I messaged her to tell her I’m fine and will be home soon, but I can’t go home until I’ve sobered up a bit.
I have never done anything like this before. I’ve always been there for Lia but today was just my breaking point. I feel at my lowest and I’ve lost everything I worked so hard for.
My dad's working away but he said to ignore everyone, and my mom didn’t mean to upset me.
Final thing. I’m never sleeping with a girl again
Just to make things clear. I would never have left Lia with her. I was just bluffing
*I have marked this as inconclusive as OOP has now deleted their account and we can't expect any more updates.*
**REMINDER: I am not OOP** | bojapoi | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yl43qt/aita_for_not_allowing_my_daughters_mother_to_walk/ | yl43qt | 4,309 | 1,797 | [
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2022-11-03T14:34:47 | AITA for telling my girlfriend to stop competing with a ghost? | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yl4fp4/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_to_stop_competing/ | yl4fp4 | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-03T15:06:07 | My step-daughter wants her "Real Dad" to give her away. | CONCLUDED | **I am not OP.**
Posted by u/godzilla_moon on r/offmychest
&nbsp;
[**Original**](https://web.archive.org/web/20130615010838/https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/1fl2xd/my_stepdaughter_wants_her_real_dad_to_give_her/) _- June 2, 2013_
My step-daughter will be getting married on August 3rd. The wedding planning has consumed most of her and her mother's life (I say her mother because we aren't married, though we've lived together for 10 years) for the past six months.
My step-daughter graduated last December from University. I paid for her to go to college, though it was a state school, it still ran $40K. She does not have a job and has been living with us for the duration of her college career and since her graduation. I also bought her a car to get back and forth from school when she finished high school.
From time to time her deadbeat father would pop into her life and she would fawn all over him. Although he has not contributed a cent to her education or paid any child support, though that is my girlfriend's fault as c.s. was not part of the settlement, she still loves him and wants him in her life. He stays long enough to break her heart by skipping town and breaking some promise that he made her.
The wedding venue holds 250 people max. I gave them a list of 20 people that I wanted invited, you know, since I was paying for everything. They told me that was no problem and they'd take care of it. So I let these people know they'd be getting an invite and they should save the date. Saturday, I saw one of my friends on this list at the golf course and asked if he was coming. He told me that he wasn't invited. He told me that he got an announcement, but not an invitation. He had it in his back seat (along with probably six months of mail) and showed it to me. Sure enough, it was just an announcement, and my name was nowhere on it. It had her dad's name and her mom's name and not mine.
This led to a pretty big fight with my GF, as I found out that NONE of my list of twenty "made the cut" for the final guest list because "250 people is very tight." I was pissed, but not a hell of a lot I could do because the important people in my life had already been offended. My GF said "if some people didn't rsvp yes, I might be able to get a couple people in." But that is an ultimate slap in the face in my opinion. So, I was boiling on Saturday.
Yesterday, we had a Sunday dinner with the future in-law's family and us and a surprise guest, the "Real Dad." At this little dinner my step-daughter announced that her "Real Dad" was going to be able to make it to her wedding and that now he'd be able to give her away. This was greeted with a chorus of "Oh how great" and "How wonderful"s.
I don't think I have ever felt so angry and so disrespected. I was shaking. I took a few seconds to gather my composure, because I honestly wasn't sure if I would cry or start throwing punches or both. Once I was sure I'd be able to speak I got up from my chair and said I'd like to make a toast. I can't remember exactly what I said but the gist of it was this:
"I'd like to make a toast." The sound of spoons against glasses ring in my years. "It has been my great pleasure to be a part of this family for the past ten years." Awe, how sweet. "At this point in my life I feel I owe a debt of gratitude to bride and groom, because they have opened my eyes to something very important." Confident smiles exchanged. "They have showed me that my position in this family is not what I once thought it was." And now a glimmer of confusion and shock begins to spread on the faces in the room. "Though I once thought of myself as the patriarch or godfather of the family, commanding great respect and sought out for help in times of need, it seems instead that I hold the position of an ATM, good for a stream of money, but not much else. As I have been replaced as host, both on the invitations and in the ceremony, I am resigning my financial duties as host to my successor, Real Dad. So cheers to the happy couple and the path they have chosen." I finished my drink. "You all can let yourselves out."
Is this selfish? I'm supposed to shell out 40 - 50 grand for a wedding that I can't invite anyone to? That I am not a part of? I'm so done with this crap. I'm done with my step-daughter, I'm done with my GF. I transferred the money out of our joint account last night. (she has not had a job since she moved in with me) This morning I called all the vendors I had written checks to for deposits to refund my money. At present it looks like I'll lose around 1500, for the venue, but the other vendors have been great about refunding.
TLDR: You want your "REAL DAD" to be on the invitation, to give you away and to sit at the head table, fine, your "REAL DAD" can pay for everything too.
&nbsp;
**Update 1**
The immediate aftermath was tantrum and people sitting there mumbling while not actually saying anything to me, but to each other. After much yelling with the GF about me being selfish, I spent the night in my home office and no one knocked on my door, not once. Today's aftermath is kind of depressing for me. GF brought me Bride's wedding planner to show me how much work I was ruining. I thumbed through it, found a page in the music section for Father / Daughter dances. All of the songs were catered to Real Dad's taste. So I thought they were just being disrespectful, but now I'm feeling like they never really gave a crap at all, especially since the menu included two ingredients I'm allergic to, that actually made me laugh. Either way, I'm glad to be done, returned the planner and asked her when she and bride could move out. Also, I never promised to pay for the wedding. I offered them the use of my home when they were sure it was going to be small, but other than that, all I've heard is how it's the Bride's family that should pay, so, let it be the bride's family then, aka, not me.
&nbsp;
**Final Update** _- June 9, 2013_
Girlfriend and Bride are now moved out. They are moving in with the groom. It was very hard not to be petty with some of the "belongings" they took with them, but it's done and I switched out the locks and now it's time for a brew. I can't believe how popular this story got, but I feel good to be given support by so many. If I find out what happens with the wedding, I will let you know, but I can't guarantee that I will put in the effort to find out. From what I've heard they are trying to "scale things back" and get his parents to help out. GF burned bridges when I found out she tried to write herself a check on our joint account the day after the unpleasantness. By then I had already moved money, so I guess I'm a bigger ass than her, but I could feel it coming. That's all. Thanks. | rainingsakuras | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yl57ek/my_stepdaughter_wants_her_real_dad_to_give_her/ | yl57ek | 6,795 | 24,949 | [
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2022-11-03T15:25:49 | AITA for telling my niece why I kept a distance from her and her parents growing up? | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yl5oky/aita_for_telling_my_niece_why_i_kept_a_distance/ | yl5oky | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-03T15:29:55 | OOP's relationship with niece and her family | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yl5s2i/oops_relationship_with_niece_and_her_family/ | yl5s2i | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-03T15:43:14 | [A BORU Crossover] I'm losing my fiancé because I did something against her wish | ONGOING | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yl64o8/a_boru_crossover_im_losing_my_fiancé_because_i/ | yl64o8 | 9 | 583 | [
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2022-11-03T16:53:29 | AITA for telling my mom I will never let my brother see my baby? | ONGOING | [Original and update is at the end as an edit](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ye5wbv/aita_for_telling_my_mom_i_will_never_let_my/)
*original was posted 8 days ago(26th october 2022) by* [OOP](https://www.reddit.com/user/Corgiboyeatswaffles/)
I (18 f) and my boyfriend (18 m) are expecting a baby. I am currently 9 weeks pregnant and we are extremly happy with this new life that is about to enter both our lives for ever. I live and was raised in Portugal, so excuse me if my english is not the best. I know it is a very young age to have a kid but me and my partner have stuff figured out. Recently my mom has been begging me to tell my older brother (24) to tell him the news. At first I was reluctant because it is still early but I decided I would tell him regardless.My brother is the type of person that wants to be in control on all of the situations around him, and he even says some very concerning ans unerving stuff like, telling me at 14 that "If you get pregnant before I get to be a dad, I will take that child from you and raise it as my own". I never took that seriously until today.
My mom got home from work and told me she had spoken with my grandma to tell her the news, and that she wasn't at all excited to be a great-grandma and that my brother had been there the weekend later saying stuff like "I hate my sister and I'm worried because in my situation right now I can't take that child with me". Those were the words my mom literally told me, making me burst out in tears of anger.She asked me why I was crying and I told her I didn't want my brother next to my baby ever, I am absolutely terrified he comes and demands me to give them to him, she started defending him saying she only thought he was worried and that I was being over dramatic.
I asked my boyfriend and he said he didn't mind letting my brother meet our kid but that he didn't like the idea of leaving my brother alone with them.
My mom has been giving me the cold shoulder the past 2 days since this, saying I'm going to be an over protective mom and that my kid will hate me for it.I'm scared of my brother, sad with my family and I can't see what's the best option.So, AITA?
&#x200B;
**VERDICT : NTA (not the asshole)**
&#x200B;
**UPDATE**:
We talked with my boyfriend's brother about all of this and he is 100% willing to help us out as soon as possible! He will pick us up in two weeks, and we are keeping this information a secret from my family. I need to thank everyone for every comment and advice you guys gave us, we feel heard! I am taking care of CPS matters as soon as (and if) my brother threatens us, once again, thank you so, so, so, so much everyone!
&#x200B;
**RELEVANT COMMENTS FROM OOP**
* We are currently saving up for a house, our intention is to move as soon as we can and hopefully get as far away from my part of the family as we can.
* We have thought about CPS and we have already someone in line to help us out with my mom, since she was a pretty shady individual as a younger person and made me and my other sibling go to foster care so she could live alone. I don't trust her but it's a bit sad to think of a life without my brother in the picture since he was the only paternal figure I ever had, however I do realize he is NOTsafe around my child.
* *Is everyone in your family on drugs? Keep your brother away from that baby. NTA*
Actually, yes. My mom, my brother and some uncles have been involved with drugs since a very young age. My mom and brother are clean, or so they say..
&#x200B;
**REMINDER: I am not OOP** | bojapoi | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yl7vgo/aita_for_telling_my_mom_i_will_never_let_my/ | yl7vgo | 3,605 | 3,226 | [
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2022-11-03T17:11:55 | My partner's psychologist is an anti-feminist | CONCLUDED | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yl8c0a/my_partners_psychologist_is_an_antifeminist/ | yl8c0a | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-03T17:23:55 | I was fraudulently registered to vote. Might get deported. HELP. | REPOST | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/whydoyouhatevoting in r/legaladvice**
trigger warning: >!racism!<
---
&nbsp;
[**[CA] I was fraudulently registered to vote. Might get deported. HELP.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/6ojpvy/ca_i_was_fraudulently_registered_to_vote_might/) - 20 July 2017
I am a member of a college political organization. The president of the club has been super intense on everyone being registered to vote and has been riding me hard about it.
Now the problem is, I'm a Permanent Resident. I'm not a citizen and I know I'm not allowed to vote. I've never represented myself as a citizen or made any attempts to vote. I know it's super illegal and a deportable offense.
I recently found out that the president has registered me to vote! She submitted the application for me and didn't understand why I started crying when she told me. I had not told anyone my status because I didn't think it was in any way relevant to the work we were doing. We mostly hang out and talk politics and occasionally host speakers.
What can I do now? I have an appointment with an immigration non profit next week but I'm freaking out now. I have my green card renewal coming up soon.
&nbsp;
[**[Update] I was fraudulently registered to vote. Might get deported. HELP.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/6s6ltr/update_i_was_fraudulently_registered_to_vote/) - 7 August 2017
California.
Hey there! So I lawyered up - a huge thank you to legal aids and nonprofits!
It made it a lot easier. Police report was filed- and the registration has been retracted as a fraud (pending investigation). I have the president of the club admitting to it in e-mail because she freaked when I told her my lawyer would like to have a word about the situation. She said: "I wouldn't have registered you to vote if I had known you were a fucking illegal." All communication was given to police.
My lawyer contacted USCIS and explained everything and provided the police reports, and they said they should be kept informed but they were taking no action as of now.
My attorney isn't worried as the fraud is well documented.
So that's about it. No deportation.
And all of this has led me to finally apply for citizenship. Woo!
&nbsp;
[**[Second Update] I was fraudulently registered to vote. Might get deported. HELP.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/789sqr/second_update_i_was_fraudulently_registered_to/) - 23 October 2017
I just wanted to let everyone know that everything turned out fine!
The club president was prosecuted.
(I should have found it suspicious that the club was extremely friendly and insistant that I come to their meetings. Looking back now, I was their token brown person for the couple meetings I attended. But hey-free food.)
USCIS didn't give me a hard time about it-surprisingly. My lawyer was awesome and fully reported everything and documented everything. Having an email from the club president admitting to it was great.
I have sailed through the citizenship process and will be taking my citizenship oath in a couple weeks, finally ending my immigration journey.
And for the dozens of people that messaged me slurs and told me to kill myself- fuck you. I'm going to have a great life here and I'm never leaving the US. Die mad about it.
Location: CA
&nbsp;
[**[Final Update] I was fraudulently registered to vote. Might get deported. HELP.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/7fxnxn/final_update_i_was_fraudulently_registered_to/) - 27 November 2017
[CA] I took my citizenship oath and I registered to vote that very night online!
So that's it for my immigration journey and fear of deportation.
I haven't kept up with what happened to the president of the club once I took my oath to be honest. I can't offer any juicy resolution there. My attorney was the one to update me on that situation, but once my naturalization happened and USCIS was permanently off my back, my pro-bono attorney dropped off the map (which it totally fine because legal aid attorneys are probably drowning in cases and I wasn't a priority anymore. Please consider donating to a local legal aid. They work so hard.)
So that's it. I'm here to stay. Thanks for all of the support and kind messages sent my way. It definitely balanced out the death threats and kill yourself messages.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yl8msh/i_was_fraudulently_registered_to_vote_might_get/ | yl8msh | 4,458 | 6,204 | [
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2022-11-03T17:26:22 | Fiancé's aunt sexualized OOP's future sister-in-law(f14) on her Facebook page. Fiancé still wants to invite her to the wedding to "avoid drama" | ONGOING | I am not the OP. These posts were made by [u/throwrainuse](https://www.reddit.com/u/throwrainuse/)
This post was trending on the top of r/ relationship\_advice a few days ago and was updated today
Trigger warning:>! sexualization of a minor!<
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/yb5whj/reconsidering_mym26_engagement_after_my_fianc%C3%A9f25/) \- 10/22/22
For the sake of this, I'm going to call my fiancé Claire. We go back to high school, but only started dating in 2019. Claire's extended family didn't meet for Thanksgiving or Christmas the past two years, and this holiday is supposed to be the first since pre-covid. There was also a family reunion that was cancelled due to covid, so Clair's parents wanted to invite a lot of people to our engagement party because it was the first meeting in so long. However, the event is making me reconsider for a few reasons
Clair didn't want a specific aunt (Janice) to come to the party because she is a handful to deal with. But because they hadn't seen her in almost two years, her parents said they were inviting her anyway. Janice has a history of arguing elections along with voicing disagreements on Facebook that led to ugly back and fourths. She was also outspoken about family who were vaccinated and posted about her "disappointment" too. She disagrees for religious reasons (Christian), and don't get me started on how she thinks the election was stolen. She is the cause of so much nonsense, but Claire's parents didn't want to exclude her to avoid drama. I offered to talk to her parents myself, but Claire asked me not to
The reason I'm writing this is because of something that happened at the party. Claire's sister (Hanna) performed a dance that her parents asked her to, but Janice told her parents that it "wasn't appropriate" for a lot of reasons that made me disgusted (Hanna is fourteen). Hanna performed a contemporary dance to a song her parents wanted, and she wore a dress too. Janice said that some of the moves were inappropriate when no one else thought so. Her dance also received a great reception, but Janice took to Facebook to bash Claire's parents along with posting a picture of the performance that Claire's parents posted. She said they were "failures" at parenting for allowing it, and that it "wasn't supposed to be a strip club". This is the kind of person Janice is, and some other relatives called her out for it too
But Claire's parents said nothing and told Claire to let it pass because they "don't engage in drama", but I disagree because she called her a stripper and used their photos. I asked Clair for Janice's number to talk to her myself, but she refused to give it to me because "others replied already". But that's not an excuse for Hanna's family to not stick up for her, but Claire wants to let it pass. I vented to one of my friends who said Claire might not stick up for her children if we have them, and he also said she "shouldn't need her parents approval for everything". After I vented, I tried to talk again about why I felt it was important to stand up for Hanna, but she kept echoing her parents and staying out of it, and that's why I'm reconsidering. I just wanted to get another opinion and how to talk to her again because I tried twice, and it went nowhere
*Edit: Hanna is 14. Me wanting to call Janice was just something I said at the end when I was bothered by everything Janice posted. I'm grateful that I wrote this post after others told me that I'd be out of place, makes it all worth it.*
*Something I didn't say in the post was the rest of Janice's comment. She called Hanna's performance "porn" after downloading a picture of the performance from Hanna's parents' Facebook and reposting it alongside her rant. Claire and her parents said to "let it pass" because other relatives called her out in the comments, but they had no desire to have the post removed. They still want to invite her to the wedding "after time passed" to avoid more drama, and they don't care about calling a minor porn on Facebook either*
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ydgkgw/update_reconsidering_mym26_engagement_after_my/) \- 10/25/22
I talked to my fiancé again yesterday after some of the advice I received, but I want to clear up a few misunderstandings from my first post. Hanna is 14 and was asked to dance to a song her parents chose at the engagement party. Janice didn't like the dance or the dress she wore. When Hanna's parents posted the album of the party on Facebook, Janice downloaded a picture of the performance and reposted it to her personal Facebook alongside a rant. In her rant, she called her performance "porn" while eluding to the picture she reposted. She also said it gave off "stripper vibes" and that "people who dress like her ask to be r\*ped"
When I asked to call Janice myself, that was an emotional reaction that would've been out of my place. I'm glad I made the post so that others could tell me, and thank you to everyone who did. I never dealt with someone like Janice before. But I want to explain why I was reconsidering our engagement because many said I was wrong to do so. That I was trying to to get involved for drama's sake, and that brings me to my update. We talked for a third time (the first since my first post) from the perspective of some of the advice I received, and I asked my parents for advice too. I also asked Clare to voice how she felt about me in this situation because I wanted to also hear her out
**Update**:
When we talked, Claire said she wanted to invite Janice to the wedding (after talking to her parents and Janice's post about Hanna) because it'd be more drama if they didn't. When I asked how she could still invite her after what she said about Hanna, she said Janice's comments "weren't a big deal" again. So I asked her something that someone suggested in a comment. When I asked how she'd feel if Janice hypothetically made that comment about her potential daughter, she said I was "overblowing" the porn comment because it "wasn't worth not inviting her over". When I asked about the r\*pe comment, she said to "move on" because "it'd be forgotten soon". She also said she'd tell her daughter to "not take everything personally" if Janice said the same about her. She also said that Hanna "was probably looking at that stuff already"
I was already bothered by her wanting to invite Janice before our third talk. But after having it, I was surprised by how much she doubled down and saw no fault in Janice's post. She also said that Janice disapproved of her doing ballet when she was younger, so Hanna "needed to grow a spine" when she was hurt by the post. That comment bothered me, and my parents said she might be upset that I care about Hanna because no one might've cared/defended her at that age. They also said she saw no fault in Janice's actions because her family normalized it years ago. Dad also said she might have similar remorse to our potential children, and Clare said that Janice was coming regardless of what I thought. She was also upset when I told her I reported the Facebook post Janice made. I want to add that I never told wanted them to engage in a Facebook comment battle with Janice. I just became upset because Hanna is a minor who's picture was used without their consent and called porn online, something they think is "no big deal". The parents asked Hanna to perform at the party, but didn't defend her when her aunt cyberbullied her
I've lurked long enough to know that people usually question past behavior that led to situations. But before the engagement party, I didn't see this side of her. We didn't have Janice outbursts the past 2 years due to covid and not meeting for the holidays; the only exception was her rant about family who became vaccinated. Claire and I were excluded from that because we weren't involved and weren't hosting Thanksgiving/Christmas. Some family tried to convince her to become vaccinated (to meet for the holidays), but she refused which led to her rant. Technically, Janice has no issues with Claire now after blaming Claire's parents who allowed Hanna to perform. And when she said that the porn comment "wasn't bad" despite being a minor, I told her that I was reconsidering our engagement because she couldn't see how Janice cyberbullying a 14 year old was wrong (on top of wanting to still invite her to the wedding). She said she's not budging, and that's her stance... even when I offered no-contact with Janice going forward. Aside from being surprised, I'm going to probably discuss cancelling with my parents after talking to her for the third time
\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_
*edit: I tried to suggest going no-contact/blocking Janice after not inviting her to the wedding so that she wouldn't have to tolerate a likely Facebook rant. However, she refused and said she'd still hear about it from other relatives who'd take her side. When I suggested telling others that she didn't want to hear about Janice, she said she "wasn't about to block her entire family"*
*This wasn't the first time Janice disapproved of the sports she and Hanna did. She also did dance when she was younger, and Janice voiced her opinion then too. But they told Claire to toughen up, and she explained that as her reasoning for saying Hanna "needed to grow a spine"* | MadisonBrave | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yl8p3e/fiancés_aunt_sexualized_oops_future/ | yl8p3e | 9,424 | 4,961 | [
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2022-11-03T18:00:02 | Relationship advice- gaming | INCONCLUSIVE | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yl9nhc/relationship_advice_gaming/ | yl9nhc | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-03T19:11:31 | I don't like the relationship between my husband and his "work wife", and neither does her partner. | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/wild-gas8551 in r/trueoffmychest**
trigger warning: >!suicide!<
---
&nbsp;
[**I don't like the relationship between my husband and his "work wife", and neither does her partner.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/y9e1pl/i_dont_like_the_relationship_between_my_husband/) - 21 October 2022
English is not my first language, I just want to put it out there because I see how you people are brutal when grammar is bad.
I'm a beautician (f35) married to an engineer (m34). He is very intelligent and I'm always proud of him. He has a colleague who is also very intelligent (f31), obviously, that he is close to. Before the events that lead me to this moment of seeking help online, I never had any reason to be uncomfortable about his relationship with her. I always felt secure in our relationship. We're both independent people who would just leave if we weren't happy together. We've been together for 5 years, married for 1,5.
My husband and I were on a 3 days trip with my husbands colleagues. A tradition at his work every autumn. We came home yesterday morning. I had a bad taste in my mouth after this trip. It felt like me and the colleague's partner (m35ish) where the third (and fourth) wheel to my husband and his colleague during the entire trip. During dinner, the second night. I was sitting silently playing with my food after almost two days of being ignored. The partner was also silent at first but we started talking a bit asking each other generic questions.
The colleague who was in a very loud argument with my husband (more of a back and forth teasing) suddenly turned around and asked what we two (partner and me) were up to talking quietly. Her partner said that were just getting to know each other since they (husband and colleague) were too busy talking about things we knew nothing about. The colleague laughed and said: What could we discuss with you? Make up and Kim Kardashian?, and she nodded towards me. We have more intelligent things to discuss.
I was dumbfounded. I guess because I'm a beautician I can only discuss Kim Kardashian? I mean any outsider to any profession would be *dumb* listening into two people discussing work related subjects. they could've been as ignorant if I was talking to my co workers about our job. My husband just laughed and the partner said: That's rude. I said nothing because I had distaste for the whole situation. On the last day of the trip I spent most of my time with the partner. I ignored the other two.
Yesterday evening the partner dmed me and wanted to talk about our SO's. He said that he has been feeling uncomfortable about his gf's relationship with my husband and that he went through her messages. He sent me screens where my husband and his colleague are basically calling me stupid and shallow and laugh about it.
Well mostly the colleague saying mean things and my husband laughing and adding in. Sometimes he would say something like: No I love her (about me) and she would answer: You only like bangin hot dumb chicks, and they laugh. When the texts aren't about my stupidity, they're about work and In one of them my husband wrote: I love your brain!!! to her.
I started crying when I saw the screenshots. Never have I ever felt so self conscious about my brains or profession. I love my job and I thought my husband loved it too or at least didn't have this disdain for it. I've been my own boss for over 10 years and I make closer to 6 figures. I never thought myself as a dumb person. I like to think that I'm fairly well informed and I have passion for history, languages, cultures etc but yes I'm not an engineer working on some design for artificial hearts. Still, the texts complimenting the colleague, hurt me more than the ones making fun of me. I don't know why.
I think my husband and his colleague are out of line at best and, well probably screwing. I still don't know what to do. The last thing I wanna be is the insecure wife. If he isn't happy with me why is he here?
ps: I wrote this post last night and fell asleep afterwards. this morning I just went to work. OMG guys! thank you so much for the support and the beautiful words. I will try to read all your comments and messages. I just wanted to make this edit to explain why I haven't answered any of you. I'm sorry and thank you. I will talk to my husband tonight or maybe tomorrow. I will make an update about my situation.
&nbsp;
[**update:I don't like the relationship between my husband and his "work wife", and neither does her partner.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ydd8ic/updatei_dont_like_the_relationship_between_my/) - 25 October 2022
Sorry I did't come back earlier to make an update, I was mentally exhausted and of course busy discussing Kim K. Anyway I want to apologize for not answering your messages because I got over 200 asking for updates. I really hope you can find this.
I have talked to my husband. I just told him that I have talked to work wife's BF and showed him the messages I was sent. My husband asked my why her BF was spying on his gf and I told him that it was because he did't like the way things went down on the trip. I told him how I too was very uncomfortable.
He was very confused and told me that work wife obviously was jealous and that I shouldn't care about her. I told him that she didn't bother as much as the fact that he was fine, no, amused by her attempts to bring me down the entire time. So much in fact that her BF was so uncomfortable that he went through her phone. I also asked him why he was letting her trash talking me in their texts.
Again he insisted that he just felt that she was petty and jealous and did't want to stoop to her level. He said that I did the same when I ignored her rudeness and he thought that was the classy thing to do. I asked him why she was doing this. Was there anything between them and to please tell me now before it got more complicated? He said of course not and if there was something from her end then that wasn't his problem because he loved me and so on and so forth. I asked him about him "loving her brain" and he said it was strictly about something work related and offered to show me the conversation.
Next day I was still brooding, so he came to me, kissed me and apologized and told me that I was right and that he was being stupid but that he never thought about it as disrespect but some female jealousy that he thought was pitiful and beneath him. He promised to do better. I told him that if somebody was trashing you like this in front of me, no matter how petty their reasons were or how pathetic I thought they were, I would've hated them and never wanted them in my life. Unfortunately I started crying then and he told me that he was so sorry. That was on Sunday.
Yesterday, the BF called me again and we talked (we had decided to talk after confronting our SOs). Their conversation was worse and work-wife admitted to her BF that she had feeling for my husband and she suspected that my husband had feelings for her too. They have kissed at the summer work party . I showed my husband the screenshot when he got home. He started to freak out telling me that yes, she did kiss him and he rebuffed her and told her that he wasn't interested.
That was when she got nastier towards me. -So you knew she had a thing for you? and he said yes. I asked him to show me his phone and he had deleted his conversation with her. He said it was because he was embarrassed. He didn't tell me when the kiss happened and now he was afraid I would think it was more than what it was.
I asked him to move out and he is currently at his mother's. He keeps saying that there's nothing between them. That he loves me and would never cheat on me. That he will make her come clean to me. That he will quit his job and never see her again. I'm just so broken hearted right now and all I want is to cry. thank you for listening. I needed this.
**edit: maybe I should have mentioned that he also told me he could prove that it was she who came on to him because it happened in the office cafeteria and there are surveillance cameras and that he could request the clip from that day. I dont know why I didn't include it. Maybe because who kissed who doesn't really change how I feel about this whole ordeal.**
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[**UPDATE2:I don't like the relationship between my husband and his "work wife", and neither does her partner.**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Wild-Gas8551/comments/ye1ca9/update2i_dont_like_the_relationship_between_my/) - 26 October 2022
Hi! I dont feel comfortable making a new update on the true sub because honestly I'm embarrassed that I'm taking so much of your attention. Writing however has helped me a lot, like it's therapy.
My husband showed up at my work today. He said that he has never felt so scared in his life like when he realized that he was losing me. He has contacted the BF, apologized to him and asked him to forward all the texts between him and work wife. He printed them and gave me everything. Over a year's worth of texting. He told me when work wife confessed to her BF. she sent the text about admitting the kiss to her BF(the text I got a screenshot of). My husband panicked and deleted the whole conversation. But now he got everything from the BF and I could read it.
He also had brought a picture with him. Of him when he was young, 12-13ish with a girl. He said he searched this picture now he's living with his mom. He told me that it was his favorite cousin and that she committed suicide when they were 16. She was bullied severely. I never heard my husband talk about this cousin. I know of her from his family but never that they were close or that her death devastated him. He said that he still wasn't ready to discuss her but that now he needed to.
He admitted that when work wife started working for them august 2021 he immediately bonded with her because she reminded him of his cousin. Both goofy, funny and extremely intelligent. They even looked alike a little (kind of true). The bond got stronger when work wife told him about her tough childhood and how she was bullied throughout school. How she suffered and contemplated suicide.
My husband said that he felt like he got his cousin back. Work wife knew that my husband was married (newly wed actually) and it didn't seem to be a problem for her in the beginning. He admitted that he sensed that she was falling for him very soon but that he never really confronted her about it because he didn't want to hurt her feelings. When she saw me in a picture she got very angry with him and said that she was very disappointed in him. I looked the type that would bully people like her and my husband in high school. She was disappointed and asked him what he saw in me. He told her that he loved me but she was sour afterwards accusing him of being shallow. He asked her to give me a chance at the Christmas party.
She didn't change her opinion however. He wasn't bothered that she disliked me because he thought that she was jealous. He knew that she was decided on not giving me a chance and that was fine with him. He thought that this will be one of the things they will have to disagree on.
He is still adamant that he never kissed her back and he is adamant about getting the recording of that party. He said he pushed her and after the party, he had a fight with her about boundaries and confronted her about her feelings. He told her that they could no longer be friends now that she had crossed the line. We went on a 5w vacation the day after that party and he said that if I read the texts from that time I would find that she had apologized several times asking for forgiveness, begging him not to ditch her as a friend.
After summer their relationship was strained but they eventually became closer again. He said he doesn't know why he felt like she needed him in her life like she needed his protection. He always thought about being put in harm's way and he couldn't stand the thought. He swore it was never romantic or sexual. He admitted that he love her like a friend or like if his cousin was still around.
He told me that he has handed in his resignation and will be seeking new jobs. He's realized that he has to let work wife go. He admitted that he even now is worried about her. She is losing both her BF and him, but that he needs to remind himself that she is a grown up woman and not his 16 years old cousin. She'll be fine. And about my fears that he loves me for how I look, he said that he is sorry if he ever made me feel that way and that it is far from the truth. When he think about us, he sees us growing old together and that prospect fills his heart with more love and joy.
&nbsp;
[Comment from OOP:](https://www.reddit.com/user/Wild-Gas8551/comments/ye1ca9/update2i_dont_like_the_relationship_between_my/iu86r4p/)
> i saw the recording too, he does back off and looked angry and left and she ran after him. He said he wanted to apologize
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ylbqgy/i_dont_like_the_relationship_between_my_husband/ | ylbqgy | 13,145 | 10,327 | [
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2022-11-03T20:05:30 | My best friend is 17 dating a 25 year old and me and my friends don’t know if we should tell her parents or confront her ourselves | REPOST | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwrajzure in r/relationship_advice**
trigger warning: >!child porn!<
---
&nbsp;
[**My best friend is 17 dating a 25 year old and me and my friends don’t know if we should tell her parents or confront her ourselves**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/lyogpo/my_best_friend_is_17_dating_a_25_year_old_and_me/) - 5 March 2021
My best friend is 17, and she met this guy online who is 25. They’ve met and gone out and she lost her virginity to him. My friends and I are very concerned for her well-being, and think she’s only going after this guy because he makes her forget about her ex.
We tried finding him online by searching his name and even address online and couldn’t find anything, and his only form of social media is snapchat. He’s asked to film them having sex and he knows she’s a minor. I have confronted her about this and have voiced my concerns to her 3 times now.
Every time she gets mad at me for it because my boyfriend is 20 (I’m 18) and she says I should just be happy for her because she’s finally happy. I want to be happy for her but i’m not just going to sit by and watch her get groomed or something worse just because he “treats her like a princess”.
My friends and I have talked and we either want to tell her parents who are strict as hell bc they don’t know and risk never seeing her again but knowing she isn’t going to this guys house, or all of us confront her even though she probs won’t listen.
**Thanks for all the advice everyone we told her parents**
ETA: the age of consent in our country is 18. To everyone saying it’s not a big deal, you’re sick and need to reevaluate your life, and I hope you never have kids.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE!! My best friend is 17 dating a 25 year old and me and my friends don’t know if we should tell our parents or confront her ourselves**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/m0sojd/update_my_best_friend_is_17_dating_a_25_year_old/) - 8 March 2021
Ok ask so my friends and I went to her parents. They flipped out obviously but they weren’t mad at her they were just really really upset. They went to the cops the day after we told them and the cops couldn’t find anyone by that name so he had given her a fake name.
The apartment that my friend had been going to to meet up with him was owned by someone else...so eventually they figured out his real name and address and turns out he’s 31 AND married, and I can’t be sure but I’m pretty sure they found texts and nudes on his phone from other underage girls.
So my friend is super upset bc he lied to her so much. But so the guy is probably definitely going to jail and going to have to register as a sexual predator.
Thanks to everyone who gave me advice and support. It was a super shitty weekend going through it all but I’m happy we did it.
To everyone who was defending this guy (and WOW were there way too many of you) you need to go get therapy and I hope you never have kids.
And to the guy who told me this: “I seriously feel sorry for your friend. I would feel extremely betrayed by your self righteousness. .......Sad. Hopefully your friend gets on here one day and we hear her side of things.”......STOP COMING ON THIS FORUM. You give shit advice and were okay with an old guy filming himself having sex with a 17 year old. Gross.
Again, thanks everyone. My friend is doing alright. She’s pissed at us for going to her parents but I think she’s more pissed at him for lying to her.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yld7qy/my_best_friend_is_17_dating_a_25_year_old_and_me/ | yld7qy | 3,580 | 8,987 | [
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2022-11-04T02:47:49 | Dad Takes Daughter Out Of Dance Because Her Mother Ruined It For Her (AITA Oct 18, '22) | ONGOING | Originally posted by u/Public_Set_7296
in r/AmItheAsshole on Aug 14, '22, updated on Oct 18, '22
[Original post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wocmi1/aita_for_taking_my_daughter_out_of_dance_because/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
AITA for taking my daughter out of dance because of her mother ruining it for her?
So my daughter is five and she’s been dancing since last year. Her mom is a former gymnast and wanted her to do that but my daughter didn’t like it at all and prefers taking tap and ballet classes instead. I knew this bothered my wife but I didn’t expect her to alienate herself from the other moms and the instructor. She says she feels like our daughter isn’t being used where she should be and that her and the instructor constantly get into it with each other and my wife feels like she has knowledge with her gymnast background and that’s why the instructor should take note of what she’s saying.
My wife is very competitive and I do admire her drive for that but it seems like the pushback between her and the instructor has caused a lot of tension in the class. This has caused the other moms to get mad when my wife would bring up how their daughters were being treated in comparison to ours and now the entire experience is ruined for our daughter.
Since the other moms don’t like my wife they no longer invite our daughter to play dates and other outings which the girls talk about in class and it makes my daughter come home to me and cry about how she wants to go on play dates again with her friends. I spoke to my wife about it and she said that she will make friends in kindergarten and that it’s not that serious. But this is a studio she plans for our daughter to attend for YEARS. I don’t understand how she doesn’t get how her conflict with the other parents won’t cause our daughter to feel excluded. She told me that the other moms are rude and she will always stand up for herself and our daughter and that I need to stop being “scared” of them. My daughter doesn’t even want to go to class anymore, she cries when I get off work and pick her up from class.
The parents and instructors are cordial with me when I come inside for pick up and one even invited my daughter to her daughters birthday party but specified that I be the one to take her. When I told my wife this she blew up and got very upset saying that it’s weird she specified I take our daughter and she can’t go. I told her that’s ridiculous but she wouldn’t budge and it just so happened to fall on a workday so I couldn’t take her. I was fed up, and my daughter kept complaining about hating the studio and not liking dance so I disenrolled her when I went to pick her up and she was crying about never wanting to come back.
When I went home and told my wife she got mad and said I’m an evil asshole and that I should have spoken to her first before doing that. I told her that SHE is the one that ruined our daughters experience with her fighting the parents and instructors and alienating our daughter from the other girls. She kept saying I’m the only one wrong and that I’m an asshole since it’s the best studio in town and others have wait lists for months. AITA?
*Verdict: Not the Asshole*
[Update 2 months later ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y7e2iy/update_aita_for_taking_my_daughter_out_of_dance/)
Hey everyone, didn’t expect that this post needed an update but sadly things have been pretty bad these past two months since making that post.
A quick recap is that my wife got into conflict with instructors and parents at our daughters studio causing her to be alienated and in return I unenrolled my unhappy daughter from classes. I felt a bit conflicted if I did the right thing but after reading your responses I felt content I made the right choice. I even showed her comments but she refused to look at my phone for long.
I thought after getting mad my wife would be able to get over this and see my side but unfortunately things became very bad. She told me a week after she was going to enroll our daughter back in gymnastics like she had initially wanted and my daughter overheard this saying she didn’t want to and started crying. My wife completely ignored this and went on talking to me saying she’s sick of me enabling quitting and that our daughter needs a better role model. I was sick to watch her ignore our crying daughter and told her that we already tried gymnastics and our daughter didn’t like it and she said it will be different this time and that her word is final.
We kept arguing about this and she went on to enroll our daughter into gymnastics AGAIN and started taking her while I was at work. I was furious that she couldn’t respect my wishes but she said I wasn’t respecting her. I told my wife that she has control issues and is trying to live through our daughter and this made her extremely upset. I recommended therapy like a lot of commenters said to and this set her off.
She started accusing me of INFIDELITY, saying that the mother at my daughters old studio who specifically asked that I bring my daughter and not my wife is the reason I’m starting “issues for no reason” with her and that she found it weird that she specially asked for me and not her and that means something more. I said thats because all the moms hate her and didn’t want her around and she cursed at me horribly saying disgusting things I can’t type but I’m am shocked I married someone so vile. She wasn’t always like this, she was a kind caring woman before this whole gymnastics/ballet fiasco started and her tiger mom side came out.
I know it’s crazy and I wish I could say different but I’m seeing this heading towards divorce. We haven’t slept in the same bed for 3 weeks and she won’t talk to me about anything other than the house, our daughter, and the dog. I’m embarrassed to tell anyone this because I find it so bizarre and weird that so much conflict has stemmed from something as innocent as sports. So yeah :/ | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ylmsb1/dad_takes_daughter_out_of_dance_because_her/ | ylmsb1 | 6,048 | 10,257 | [
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2022-11-04T03:35:52 | OOP - AITA for saying that my daughter’s best friend has to go to a doctor | CONCLUDED | **I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Makknb **in** r/AmItheAsshole
trigger warnings: >!Eating Disorder!<
mood spoilers: >!Wholesome!<
[**AITA for saying that my daughter’s best friend has to go to a doctor**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/i683wb/aita_for_saying_that_my_daughters_best_friend_has/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) \- 9th August 2020
The title sounds confusing.
My(47M) daughter’s(17) best friend’s(16M) parents are having some problems right now so he’s stayed with me and will be for few weeks. We have very good relationship. I’ve known him since he was 5 and he’s like a son to me.
Ever since he moved in 2 weeks ago I noticed that he was looking kind of sick. I thought that he was stressed. In the last 2 weeks he has thrown up 6 times, his nose suddenly started bleeding(A LOT)4 times, and he’s just always sleeping and doesn’t have any energy at all, he’s really cold all the time.
I talked to him and asked if he wanted to go to the doctor but he said he was just tired and probably ate something bad and it wasn’t serious. I called his parents just to let them know and they told me that this has been going on for 2 months but he says it’s nothing and refuses to go to a doctor and they can’t afford it anyways so they’re not paying any attention to it. Asked my daughter about it too and she told me that he doesn’t talk to her about it.
Today he threw up again and actually passed out. He’s good now, but I told him that he HAD to go to the doctor and I’d book an appointment for him. He got kind of upset and went to the room and isn’t saying anything to me right now. My daughter said that I was too harsh and I can’t force him to go to the doctors.
&nbsp;
**Verdict - NTA (Not the A-hole)**
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ijyfhq/updateaita_for_saying_that_my_daughters_best/) \- 31st August 2020
First of all I want to say thank you to everyone who gave me advice and I apologize I couldn’t respond or post an update earlier.
We went to the doctor, he has been diagnosed with an eating disorder. I won’t go much into detail. It was really hard for everyone but he’s getting the help he needs now, he goes to physical/mental therapy and he’s slowly getting better. I’m paying for everything and money is not the problem either. He’s still staying with me, I talk to their parents regularly and they approve of everything, they’re pretty thankful. My daughter apologized for thinking I was the asshole for getting him help.
He knows we’re there for him and hopefully he’ll fully recover soon, thank you again for judgment and good wishes :)
*Disclaimer - I don't think this has been posted on BORU before, I tried to search using OOPs username, post title etc. - which did not generate any specific results.*
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | raredontstare | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ylnrt4/oop_aita_for_saying_that_my_daughters_best_friend/ | ylnrt4 | 2,913 | 6,061 | [
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2022-11-04T08:34:44 | My boyfriend cheated on me with many girls | CONCLUDED | [removed] | CommunicationSea8576 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ylsumm/my_boyfriend_cheated_on_me_with_many_girls/ | ylsumm | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-04T09:30:37 | OOP's boyfriend asks her how she'd feel raising a hypothetical affair child. NEW UPDATE. | NEW UPDATE | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yltwyv/oops_boyfriend_asks_her_how_shed_feel_raising_a/ | yltwyv | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-04T09:43:48 | [US Only]Anyone need a new RV shower head? Free to you in exchange for a review, PM if you need one. Not bot！！ | ONGOING | [removed] | zhuque48 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ylu6jt/us_onlyanyone_need_a_new_rv_shower_head_free_to/ | ylu6jt | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-04T10:43:43 | OOP asks AITA for telling my niece why I kept a distance from her and her parents growing up? + Update | CONCLUDED | [removed] | MisterHekks | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ylve2s/oop_asks_aita_for_telling_my_niece_why_i_kept_a/ | ylve2s | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-04T12:09:23 | OOP's boyfriend asks her how she'd feel raising a hypothetical affair child. NEW UPDATE. | NEW UPDATE | [removed] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ylxbfo/oops_boyfriend_asks_her_how_shed_feel_raising_a/ | ylxbfo | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-04T12:11:10 | OOP's boyfriend asks her how she'd feel raising a hypothetical affair child. NEW UPDATE. | NEW UPDATE |
I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/6282782ransm.
[Previous BoRU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ya06hy/oops_boyfriend_asks_her_how_shed_feel_raising_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/xw9tls/im_breaking_up_with_my_boyfriend_of_7_years/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (6th Oct 22)
**I'm breaking up with my boyfriend of 7 years**
I 25 f have been dating my bf 27 m for 7 years and I'm about to end it because of a stupid question he asked me.
Like 2 days ago we were chilling at his place and out of nowhere he asked me if i could ever raise someone else's child. I was confused since I'm child free and so is he so I said that he knows i don't even want kids of my own. He clarified that he means if I'd ever raise and accept a kid that my partner would have in an affair.
Honestly I was speechless, I don't even know what I was feeling in that moment. Anger? Confusion?
I think I stayed there in silence for a few minutes before he tried to justify and say that the "hypothetical child" is not at fault in this situation.
At that point i was starting to get angry and asked him if he's trying to tell me something. He got mad at me and asked me how I could even assume he'd do something like this and that it was just an innocent question.
I started to feel like throwing up so I just left his place. I haven't left my place since then, he has tried to reach out and I assume told our mutual friends about what happened because some of them too have been reaching out and telling me to hear him out. I haven't replied to anyone, I just feel so drained and mad. He went from again trying to say that the child is innocent to saying he's sorry to telling me I'm overreacting and so on.
I don't think I've calmed yet entirely and maybe I will regret this when I will get back to my senses but I decided to break up with him. I don't think I can ever fully trust him after this even if this question was indeed innocent.
He knows my family's history with cheating, he knows i lost my grandpa because he made some bad decisions after his wife cheated on him. He knows my grandma has been abused her entire life by a cheating man. He knows all of this so I don't understand why he'd think it was ok to ask me this. Even if I am in fact overreacting this question planted some ugly thoughts into my mind that i don't think i can get rid of, I'm gonna throw down the drain a 7 years old pretty much perfect relationship because of a stupid question.
**** EDIT: i replied the update in a comment but it's not showing and people keep asking so ig I'll put it here too. And yes, I get it. I definitely need to work on my issues and on my temperament but cheating is and eill always be a touchy subject for me and he KNEW how it triggered me which is why I had that reaction, im not trying to excuse it but I'm just explaining why.
the update: im not sure how im supposed to do this so ill leave the update here ig
Some of you said my reaction was over the top and i should listen to him first and you were right. I admit I might have jumped too fast to that conclusion and I should probably work on that. I decided to meet him and talk, we did and at first he denied that he ever did anything and said he just randomly thought of that question but in the end he admitted that he did cheat on me.
He swore that it was just a mistake and it only happened once but the woman he cheated on me with got pregnant and didn't want to get an abortion. He said that he didn't want to lose me because of a mistake and that he loves me more than anything but confessed that he too wishes to raise that kid and was hoping he could do it with me because being in a relationship with me feels so natural and comfortable to him and he can't imagine raising a child with someone else.
He confessed to his friends and they told him he shoudl try to warm me up to the idea and since he knew that the biggest reason why I'm child free is my fear of being pregnant he figured that I might agree to it because someone else was delivering the baby.
He told me that he was always hoping id change my mind and that while he still regrets what he did we should view it as an opportunity. At that point I was close to losing it and I almost started screaming at him, I know i should probably work on that too, and I asked him why he thought I'd agree with this when he KNOWS about what happened to my grandpa and grandma because of their cheating spouses and he said that this is completely different.
After that I honestly couldn't listen to him anymore so once again I just left. I blocked all of our supposedly mutual friends who kept defending him and I also blocked him. I'm devastated that our relationship is ending like this but he did the one thing that he knew would hurt me the most and I can't see myself ever forgiving him or accepting his child even though he is right that the child is innocent. maybe some of you were right when you said that he dodged a bullet because I would have been a terrible step mom probably
[Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/y439xq/im_breaking_up_with_my_boyfriend_of_7_years_update/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (15th Oct 22)
**I'm breaking up with my boyfriend of 7 years -UPDATE**
Some people asked for an update so i guess here it is.
First of all thank you to everyone who sent me their supportive words, it really meant a lot and helped me as well!
Like I said in my original post I broke up with him. After that I blocked him and his friends so he tried reaching out to my friends and he also came by my place 3 times and tried to get me to listen to him. I didn't open the door and just ignored him. After the 3rd time my best friend and her bf asked me if I'd like to live with them for a while so maybe he'll stop bothering me. It worked!
I also told my parents what happened and they were heartbroken since our families have been friends since before both of us were born and they considered him part of our family but they support and understand my decision 100%.
They also talked to his parents and found out that he lied to them and told them that I wanted to take a break from our relationship because I'm "losing feelings for him and I want to explore my sexuality"(I'm openly bisexual but that is not true and I've never even once told him something like this..).My parents told them the truth and they reached out and apologized for what he did and told me that they support me as well.
Also one of the friends that suggested he tries to warm me up to the idea messaged a friend of mine and he basically said that he knows he f*cked up and that he's terribly sorry for suggesting that in the first place and for being a bad friend to me. I told my friend to just ignore him. I guess it's nice that he acknowledged his mistake but I just don't feel like dealing with any of them anytime soon.
Honestly I'm trying to tell myself that he's not worth it but it still hurts and it feels awful. I thought we were both happy together and that I was enough for him but I guess not.
So yeah that's about it, I'm slowly getting better and I have a lot of wonderful and supportive people around me which helps a lot. I'll stay away from relationships for a while and just focus on myself. I will also try therapy like some of you kindly or not so kindly suggested! Thank you again to the kind strangers who were being supportive! I haven't replied to anyone but I've read them.
Thank you for listening to me and apologizes if there are any mistakes as english is not my first language.
#[Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/user/6282782ransm/comments/ye0vyn/im_breaking_up_with_my_boyfriend_of_7_years_last/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)(27 Oct 22)
**I'm breaking up with my boyfriend of 7 years- LAST UPDATE**
Hello again
Some people have asked for a few more updates and I'll also answer some frequently asked questions.
First of all as some people suggested I got tested for STDs and I'm clean thankfully.
Second of all, I saw some people being mean to my ex's AP but I'd like to ask you all to not think badly of her. She reached out to me because she wanted to apologize and tell me her side of the story.
I agreed to met her and she told me what happened. Basically she and my ex met a few months ago in a club, he was there having a batchelor party thrown for one of his friends. They met there and started talking, he told her he was single and they hooked up. After that they remained in contact and occasionally hooked up.
She showed me proof, their texts, and he had been lying to her about being single and not wanting a serious relationship, she enjoyed the thing they had going on and didnt want a relationship either so they remained fuckbuddies I guess?
They met around 7 months ago and around a month ago she found out she was pregnant. She told him that she wants to keep it and that if he doesn't want to be in the kid's life she's ok with it but she's keeping it. He insisted on being in the kid's life but came clean about being in a relationship with me. From then on she told him that he needs to tell me the truth or she will tell me herself.
So yeah that's the back story. She was really sweet and apologetic and I really wish her and the baby nothing but the best. Hopefully the baby will take after their mother only.
Now on to the questions.
Why aren't we married after 7 years of dating?
I already mentioned in a comment that I do not want to get married. I don't see the point in it tbh. I talked to him about this and he told me he is fine with it as he doesn't see the point in marriage either.
Why don't we live together?
We live in 2 separate places. Basically my place is really really close to my job. The job that I have requires me to sometimes go there out of nowhere but it pays really well. He is currently studying, I'm not sure what's called in english but he's doing the studies you do after getting your master's degree, and his place is really close to his university. Neither of us were willing to give up on this advantage we had so we decided to talk again about moving in together after he finishes his studies.
One particular person has been quite nasty and said that no wonder he cheated on me because I basically trapped him with false hope that one day we'd have a happy family.
I'd like to say that I've ALWAYS been open about my wishes regarding my future. He knew me and what I wanted as we've been friends before dating since our families are close. He told me for years that he is more than ok with what I want. I thought we were very open to each other. I've always voiced my complains/wants/needs and I've always encouraged him to do the same and vice versa. Like I already said I thought our relationship was perfect. This might sound cold and bitchy to some people but even if I loved him if I knew our views don't align I wouldnt have committed to a 7 years old relationship with him.
I still haven't replied back to him or his friends yet and I don't think I will. His parents are still very apologetic to me and it kinda makes me feel bad since it's not their fault. Theyre extremely mad at him and stopped supporting him financially.
I've moved back in my place 2 days ago and he thankfully stopped trying to reach out to me.
I'm still not over it completely as I've spent the last 7 years of my life loving him but having a relationship, any kind of relationship, with him again is out of question.
That's about it I suppose. This will probably be the last thing I post regarding this situation. Thank you for listening to me rant and thank you once again for the people giving me advice and being supportive.
**Reminder - I'm not the OOP**
Thank you u/nadiagirl1! | prettiergenghis | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ylxcsx/oops_boyfriend_asks_her_how_shed_feel_raising_a/ | ylxcsx | 12,187 | 7,778 | [
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2022-11-04T13:11:28 | Please change sub name to r/BestofCreativeWritingUpdates | CONCLUDED | [removed] | LineCritical1981 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ylyo0n/please_change_sub_name_to/ | ylyo0n | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-04T14:54:24 | Fiance (28M) wants to end our relationship because I (27F) didn't choose him first. | REPOST | [deleted] | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ym14ll/fiance_28m_wants_to_end_our_relationship_because/ | ym14ll | 9 | 19 | [
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2022-11-04T14:58:32 | OOP leaves Q Husband | ONGOING | [removed] | 9XcR8lxKcAPT | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ym180s/oop_leaves_q_husband/ | ym180s | 9 | 1 | [
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2022-11-04T15:11:47 | TIFU by jumping into a lake in my bra/panties to save a man that turned out to be an elite military scuba diver in training. | REPOST | **I am not OP.**
Posted by u/CheerfulChaosPancake on r/tifu
&nbsp;
[**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/h7mzd3/tifu_by_jumping_into_a_lake_in_my_brapanties_to/) _- June 12, 2020_
I’m couch-surfing with my sister and her BF; I work for him at the lake-side bar, trying to pay for college. My state is “open” and while I’m not thrilled, I need both the job and my scored sofa accommodations to make it work. To give them their space, and myself a break from the doomscrolling, I take a run by the lake in the mornings. This lake is bombass and draws scuba divers to the flooded town at the bottom.
Today, I was in my own head running when a dark mass floated to the surface 40 feet away. I was on the craggy side of the lake and this dude looked dead. D.E.A.D. Facing away from me, his head was tipped back, eyes closed, bobbing like a fishing lure. No one else was around, so I thought he was quantum crazy out here scuba diving alone at the crackass of dawn, giving himself the bends or some nonsense.
Like a jackass, I didn’t yell at him to check-in. Instead, I toed off my shoes and stripped to my skivvies to save the imbecile. The movie trailer in my head had me taking three glorious steps and launching into the deep blue water, black widow style. Instead, my tender feet hit the sharp rocks and I contorted under the pain like a slinky as I uncoordinatedly pitched myself into the water, doing a side-flop. I was also wearing my contacts so I swam hard in his direction with my eyes closed.
When I open them, he was dead-ass staring at me like I’d lost my ever-lovin’ mind, so I blurted, “Are you okay?”
He removed the regulator and incredulously said “yes”.
My brain blue-screened while I tread water. The lake felt infinitely deep. Before I could terrify myself by hearing the jaws theme song, I turned to nope the hell out of there, yelling over my shoulder, “I thought you needed saving” to explain my idiocy.
As I pivoted, another dude cleared his throat from 30 feet away on the other side. I never heard a sound from him so I freaked out, failing and belting an ear wounding scream at him.
Both asshats laughed as a few more heads surfaced around us. I was surrounded by divers all wildly entertained by my ridiculous high-octane FU. After pointing to me and the beach, the merman that was my original target cautiously swam toward me after I nodded and “escorted” me to the shore.
The beach was much further than I had anticipated, so I was trying to low-key breath, hiding my need to suck all of the O2 from the air. Also, the comedy of the situation consumed me and I started to giggle. Finally, I joked, “Dude, you are lucky you weren’t actually dying because It would have taken everything I have to drag your sorry ass this far.”
He chuckled before offering me a “tow.”
“Hell, no! Not gonna happen.” Even if I had to dog paddle, I wouldn’t openly accept that defeat.
He quietly mocked me the rest of the way to the shore. I’m a secret sap for it.
They were cadets or recent graduates from a military college, here for the summer. They’ve been training in pools and were doing some “open water” exercises; they had been out there at least part of the night. I’m sure I blew-up whatever drill they were running. He’s training for pre-dive school (?) and since I am an expert googler, I’m guessing that means combat diving.
At the shore, I did my best to throw my shoulders back and march out of the water in my sports bra and undies in front of what I can only imagine are some pretty badass men. I did invite him and his clandestine crew for an absurdly overpriced beer at the bar tonight before shame-jogging back into the woods for my clothes.
TL;DR I tried to save an injured diver-ended up crashing some kind of military training.
&nbsp;
**Updates** _- Last updated July 7, 2020_
**EDIT:** It's Lake Jocassee in SC. Also, the mereman cheated: he was wearing a floaty vest and fins, that bastard. Ok, I’ll admit there is a part of me that is attracted to his mysterious appearance from the shadow realm, and I’m definitely imaging that he’s constructed from some kind of aluminum steel alloy, but he was also funny and kind. I was vibing his proclivity for witty and sarcastic comments and have a million questions I want to ask him.
&nbsp;
**EDIT 2:** Okay, at work now and had to turn off the notifications because you snippers are blowing me up. To all the ladies giving advice earlier...yes, I left the dragon-flies at home and went full cute sundress and Jesus sandals. Tried to wear my hair straight, but it's hot as hate out here and it'll be beach wave sweaty before long. My sister's BF has blabbed the whole thing and all of the staff is in full-on ribbing mode. Kinda great actually. They are currently reading the Reddit post so they are cackling at you people too. So, even if he doesn't show, we're gonna have a great night. We have a long way to go since it's just the dinner crowd, but thanks for making my day great people.
&nbsp;
**EDIT 3:** Solid dinner crowd, but no mereman, or frog prince as you people have started to call him. Our lakeside drinking crew will start rolling in another 1-2 hours. I thought you salty bastards of TIFU would chew me up and spit me out, but look at you all showing up in the name of love! You guys are awesome, even if I get ditched it was worth the day with you.
&nbsp;
**EDIT 4:** 1 hour later. Still no show :(
&nbsp;
**EDIT 5:** HE SHOWED! Holy shit, a little bit ago. Yes, I was as dorky as you would have imagined and now I’m typing this from the bathroom like a dumbass again, but I feel like you people are on the ride with me. He’s handsome and funny and he smells great. Yes, I hugged him. I’m southern…its what we do…not the smelling, the hugging. He’s nice, and smart and keeps defending me from my jackass friends at the bar, who have almost called him merman to his face. I think he low-key likes that everyone knew who he was, but not sure how he’ll feel about being a Reddit celebrity. I’ve learned a lot about him, but it wouldn’t be fair to share without his permission. His whole crew did not come, only one and his bud immediately started flirting with my co-worker. That’s a good sign. I think. Holy, shit you’d think I’d never met up with a guy before. Also, my friend straight up asked him if he saw my “dragonfly undies that look like penises with MASSIVE, glow-in-the-dark turquoise blue balls” only she used the Reddit version (thanks for that nickname Reddit). He didn’t answer but smirked the truth to me after she left. It was cheeky but cute. He’s also been sharing some of the shit that he's been taking today from being “saved”. He has the same self-deprecating sense of humor as me. I think we are vibing. So, that’s all the updates for tonight. He’s getting the rest of my attention. Keep sending me those good vibes and peace people.
&nbsp;
**EDIT 6:** Last and final update because you guys are not letting up. I know this may seem weird since I posted this whole situation out into cyberspace for everyone to see, but yesterday it was just a comical story about a guy I didn't think I would ever see again. Something funny to share when we all need a giggle. Today...well...it feels different to talk about him now that we've spent some time together. I like him. There’s chemistry and similar interest and we have plans to see each other again. I don’t need the pressure of Reddit to help me screw things up. You guys know I’m a bit of an expert in that regard. That’s all, so go do something you love and find a way to at least balance the doomscrolling with some belly laughs. Sending much love to each of you.
&nbsp;
**EDIT 7:** “Updates!” You people keep screaming over 3 weeks later. Don’t you have better things to do than pester me about my love life? Ha. The merman, the frog prince, the dashing man from depths, the king of the shadow realm (and the many other nicknames that Reddit has bestowed) is still very much in my life. He’s better than I can describe with my mortal words. Fangirl him if you must because I will understand. Thank you all for the well-wishes and positivity that this post has given. I hope something amazing and magical happens to each of you, and if it happens to be shamefully funny, I hope you will share because we all need as many laughs as we can get. Be safe, everyone. | rainingsakuras | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ym1k3k/tifu_by_jumping_into_a_lake_in_my_brapanties_to/ | ym1k3k | 8,423 | 13,256 | [
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