Datasets:

Kanakmi

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mental-disorders

like 9

My FP is my ex who would have me rot in jail if it were up to him. My best friend always is ready to accept help and generosity but lacks a single drop to ever reciprocate me. Last week FP tried to stir up some bullshit and best friend fed into it. Haven't heard from best friend since, despite knowing im in a bad way personally, my father has cancer and is struggling, we are moving and have no help.... and not a word from her. Usually we would have hung out five times since then. Tonight best friend snap chats herself at a bar laughing with my FP. I feel so fucking angry and betrayed. It's not like these two people regularly socialize. How do I not take this out on her//am I allowed to say this upsets me? Is it even worth it? Friends become a burden when you you give endlessly to them and they never level the scale.

IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS IM IN YOUR WALLS

So I tried talking about my problems to someone and my voice started breaking, heartbeat going up and I had such a tough time explaining my problem. In the end, I was completely breaking down and barely keeping myself together. I've been diagnosed with depression, could it be related to that?

I don't know why, but whenever my anxiety increases, my mouth starts to gather saliva? like I feel like I can't swallow because I feel kind of foreboding if I do. I don't even know if this is directly linked to my anxiety because I know that dry throats and dry mouths are one of the many symptoms.

cant go anywhere do anything without someone trying to break you down . Fucking EVERYWHERE . by EVERYONE you dont this must be this literally EVERYTHING i fucking do . i have to listen to backlash any wonder i keep cutting people out . but never stops following you. human emotions JESUS CHRIST FUCK AWAY OFF

I'm not even going to bother trying to socialize with my coworkers anymore. Every single piece of information I let drop about my personal life gets used against me in some way later on.

i keep thinking these disturbing thoughts to the point that it has become less disturbing, and i don't really like it.. is that normal?

Also we are all working remotely and it's like I already have a tough time communicating in real life and online it is a lot harder to make sure that whatever you're trying to communicate comes across as you intended it to!!! *Screaming*

I oftentimes feel like I am not worthy of love or care because of my anxiety. I constantly feel like a burden on those around me, to the point where I become recluse in my room, which makes my immediate family even more upset with me, making me feel worse in this awful cycle. I always feel like my boyfriend thinks I'm too annoying and would rather be with someone who doesn't have anxious tendencies and constantly needs reassurance. I wish I didn't feel this way because I do feel like I self-sabotage my relationships :/ Just feeling stuck

I’m currently on lamictal/lamotrigine for bipolar and quetiapine, occasionally, for BPD. The lamotrigine really just stops me from having mass manic episodes and made me less impulsive (for a time) but that’s about it. Quetiapine makes me feel AWFUL. Nothing feels real and not in a nice and relaxed way so I avoid it like the plague. Zopiclone (I have terrible insomnia) works wonders for me but it’s effectively a benzo so I can’t take it often. Anyway, I’m going through a horrendous time atm and my appointment with my psychiatrist is on Friday, so is there anything I can research before then and suggest to him? I will take ANY suggestions rn, PLEASE. (Also just to clarify, I’m not asking anyone to play virtual doctor bc that’s just wrong on so many levels, I’m more interested on medications which may have worked for others😊)

I was hospitalized and we all focused on the fact that we're smart and beautiful. I know I'm above average intelligence and that I'm "jack of all trades" as the patients called me and that I'm caring and giving but if every person who gets to know you says you're "too much", that they "can't do it anymore", then who cares? Why do any of those good things matter if people who know You can't love you?

I feel like it's something I'll never get over. My room is sort of a shrine to the childhood I wish I had - lego, teddies, consoles, stacks of kids movies. But they're just objects, I'm never going to have the memories of a happy safe childhood. Same for my teenage years. I spent them in psych wards and the few memories I have back in mainstream school are tainted by anorexia, suicide attempts, etc. I know I have to move on but I feel like I missed so much and it hurts.

I said to my dad that i hated being around him and i didn’t really mean it i was just in a bad mood that day. I feel like a piece of shit. And he keeps reminding me about how i said it and it makes me very sad. I have just felt like i’m not here as a person i feel like i’m watching everything in 3rd person. Ever since my aunt died i have not been able to cry. I try to talk to people about how i feel and they just make it about themselves and i then end up having to listen to them because i don’t want to be rude. I have been listening to music a lot lately and it is sort of helping but barley. i just try to stay in my own lane and it makes everything worse. And my friend group is starting to drift apart as well. My girlfriend is starting to be very annoying and everything is just starting to get in my nerves lately. I often times get jealous over the dumbest things. I just need someone to talk to

Hi guys, I was wondering for those of you who get nausea from your anxiety, how do you tell the difference between being anxious and actually sick? How do you make the nausea stop and realize it's just anxiety? I'm afraid of eating things that are new because I don't wanna feel sick and it stresses me out to try anything

TLDR; I was diagnosed with BPD, but I don't feel like I act in line with this disorder I know this is long, but I'd appreciate if you read. I was diagnosed in with BPD in October when I was hospitalized after a suicide attempt. The thing is I have no idea who diagnosed me or why, and I only found out until I was discharged and read my papers. Though I do have a few BPD traits, I don't feel like I fully fit in with the diagnoses. I especially don't feel like I fit in with online BPD community. I know quiet BPD is a thing and I would definitely be that if I am borderline, but there are some things I don't relate to at all. For example, I see people on here talking all the time about their relationships with others and I just don't relate to it. I don't have any friends, and I don't try to make any. I can't bother trying to make friends when I know I'll never be able to trust them, so what's even the point. I have been like weirdly obsessed with people before, though I've only had a few of those people in my life. Also my mood can be pretty stable most times. If I'm home all day, I'm just pretty bland and don't really feel much, and I can stay home most days so that the majority of my days are stable. But even when I do go out in public I never act out. If I do get upset I'll just save it until I go home and can cry and/or rage until I'm okay. I have very few things I've done just out of impulse that were actually harmful in one way or another.

19M I was out of weed for awhile. And It was already known to me that If i smoked too much I'd disociate. I just got weed yesterday, smoked too much. It started with the classic fast heart beat telling you you over did it. Before I even realized how fast my heart was beating, I was having a panic attack. I disociated, and the whole world seemed fake. It wasn't real, and this dissociation was brought on by the understanding that matter is an illusion and really everything is just energy. Then I felt like I was dying. It was a strong feeling. I got very, very cold, and started shaking violently, I could hear my heart beat pounding in my head. I was also extremely aware of my own body and my surroundings. I could hear my dad walking around downstairs and opening the fridge, i could hear and imagine what he was doing so vividly it was like just hearing it, granted me sight. A monologue ran in my head. Recently I have realized, and during this completely understood, the idea of epigenetics, that your genes change with your environment and even your brain. As a child I always wished for knowledge, which, was a blessing and a curse of a thing to wish for. You're wishes matter, superstitions matter, they all influence you as a person. Everything you do influences you as a person, and the people around you. Anyway, I was sitting in my computer chair, thinking about what felt like everything, and then suddenly a thought shut out all the other chatter in my head, but before I say what I'll attempt to describe the chatter. Different voices, different characters, all saying two or three things or interchanging ideas, before fading to nothing and some other character will continue to argue, all of this while different aspects of my fragmented personality are all desperately trying to keep order, then finally the thought came, " I don't know what I am, I don't know what any of this is" and the thought boomed over and over, silencing the chatter completely. Then i sat, in silence for what felt like a long time, with no thoughts. I had no need for them, I had no need for anything. Then the pounding heart became apparent, and a small child's voice in my head said "youre dying" which freaked me the fuck out so i went and laid down to fall asleep, but as I laid, visions of the stereotypical life camera roll played before my mind. I am not kidding, it was crazy, it was like every single memory, and moment, that meant something to me started flashing before my mind, I would try to stop it by thinking what if i am dying? but another set of images shortly started again. I remember thinking that I didn't want to die, as of recently I have understood why life is worth living, and it felt cruel to die after just having found reasons to live within the past month. I was shown a lot. The universe is empty, we are empty, everything is empty, matter is an illusion, and everything is energy. As the universe expands I believe time flows down a gradient to fill in the gaps, making space-time and that is why time is always flowing in one direction, also i believe the universe is expanding at the speed of light, which is why time stops at the speed of light, and i believe time actually flows at the speed of light, but our brains are built to slow it down considerably, as with all other animals, thats why we often feel like we are but a blip in the grand scheme of things. Eventually I cracked under the pressure and texted my friend "i feel like im dying" He responded with no you're not, and then I was considerably better, but still disociated, eventually the weed wore off, and now I am here. To try and describe what its like is very difficult. You see the world as it is. I was playing video games before disociating after which I viewed as completely pointless, it's just a game after all. And life is quite literally like a game. I then understood why birthdays are a great tradition, use your wishes wisely. It is like a free skill point in a video game, you are able to pick whatever you want with it. I think i seriously messed up my body by saying "i wanna die" over and over again in my head for months, and my mind. It felt like both my body and mind were trying to die, as i had wished them to. While my brain was also flooded with knowledge another thing i had wished for. I find it so ironic that as a child i played so much video games yet never understood the similarities between them and life. Trying out for the foot ball team, if you get, you get +1 endurance, and fortitude, and your comradery skill goes up with the people around you. You do your homework, you gain +1 will power, and +1 intelligence, reading books gives +1 intelligence +2 creativity, and so on. Realizing this, made me realize i Seriously messed up as a child. No one explained this concept to me, and I believe some people have it more innately in them than I did. I just thought, pass I don't like football. There are also negative actions and negative thoughts, if you try out and fail, then you beat yourself up about it -1 confidence, but if you tell yourself you'll get em next time, and you do +1 perseverance. I was hell bent on seeing the world as it was, and still am, thinking I could never try out for the foot ball team im so small and skinny, which was an incredible fallacy as, if i tried out, and made it, and did other sports, i sincerely doubt i would still be as skinny as i was then, but because i didn't, i still am. Not sure what else to add, but those are my theories, and when i mean i wouldnt be as skinny i don't mean because i would continue to be physically active, i believe doing things like football as a kid, changes your body and your brain, not permanently but for a longer period than what most people think. Most think as soon as the seasons over youll lose your strength, i think not, you change your genes and who you are, and next season its easier to get the strength back, and you get stronger than you could have last season (and by the way it doesnt matter whether its American football or football everywhere else, but im speaking from a US dialect). The worst irony of this is, i understand how to grow as a person yet can't as im trapped in my house, ive been working out, but its hard to get the motivation. The important thing is that you keep trying and you cannot criticize yourself if you are trying. Thank you and good luck people. To add a TL:DR would take away from a lot as there's no way to summarize what I said quickly. Guess you lazies out there will just have to read it, and maybe in the process, become a little less lazy, myself included.

I love the internet. It's a special place where I can go and make jokes about my trauma and illnesses and other people join in on the fun who understand my pain. Lately I've been making these jokes outloud to my bf because I'm comfortable around him. Today we were talking about sewing and I told a story about how I made my mom a stuffed cat pillow for her bday one year. She was neglectful and emotionally abused me and always threw away my gifts. I told him that I was really proud of the cat. So proud that I wanted to keep it for myself lol. I really thought this gift would be different and that she would like it... But she threw it away. I started laughing about it and he put his arm around me and said, "that's a sad story, you shouldn't laugh about that. It's ok, honey" And like I'm so not used to comfort and affection that it actually made me *un*comfortable lmao

I am 26 and have been single for 6 years. Relationships are hard due to my emotional instability, pushing and pulling people away (splitting), and deep fear of abandonment/rejection. I get envious of people who are able to maintain long term relationships and have other stable relationships. I’ve had chances to date good men but because of my bpd, it can be so hard. I avoid dating and falling for men because it often leads to my bpd symptoms acting out. Just wanna be in a loving relationship. I start dbt again soon. I also wanna get a dog. I’m so lonely. Ughh, anyone else feel me?

I don’t have a diagnosis but I’m pretty sure I’m slowly developing schizophrenia

When the pandemic came, I returned to my family’s home as I could do my job remotely and thought to take care of them should anything happen. It was cool as I had a group of 6 friends that basically became my Pandemic Party as we all just hung out and stayed as safe as possible from Covid. I started exercising, spent a lot of time outdoors and at the beach, and as things started opening up again started to appreciate and enjoy regular mass group activities. With things seemingly back to normal, I find my life to be boring now and I honestly don’t even enjoy some daily activities as much. I feel like I’ve played a video game and earned massive amounts of money but I have nothing to spend it on. But it’s not the money as much as there’s nothing left to do. I have a stable job but no interest in finding a girl, marrying, buying a house, anything that grownups want to get back to doing with the pandemic in the rearview mirror, etc I honestly think that if I died in the pandemic it would have been ok. Without any ambition, I’m like semiretired or something. Like I’ve peaked. I have at least a 2nd half of my life to live but I keep thinking I’m only going to get older and uglier, see friends less because they’re having kids or ambitions to be generationally wealthy, sit around watching sports games because I don’t care to do anything in my spare time. Just feel I’m going through the motions each day. Nothing excites me. It doesn’t help that I don’t like to spend money. I will be a person who dies with a boatload of retirement money because I can’t get myself to spend hundreds and thousands at any one time I read that people get happiness Far more from experiences than physical items but I don’t think about traveling, going to a concert. I don’t feel alone. I just wonder if it’s ok to just be here alive but fine for the clock to run out

One of the worst parts of BPD is that no matter how much I try to explain it to people and how desperate I get, every time they get frustrated they stop treating it like a disorder and start treating ME as my disorder. Like I understand personality disorders are called that because they can easily be mistaken for a personality but when you’re mad at me and insisting that “I” think xyz thing it hurts because when we said that there was a crying hurting person inside who was betraying my own beliefs due to this hellhole of a disease Whenever I try to bring up the fact that no, my disorder made me say that because I was really hurt and triggered and I’m really sorry but my actual view is X and could you PLEASE keep in mind that when I say Y it means I’m in an episode and need help... people get annoyed about how I’m “making everything my disorder” 🙃 I feel like I’m so loving and caring and strong and good underneath all this but no one gives enough of a shit to want to know what is my mental illnesses and what is me. I just wish my brain could be clear like an aquarium and everyone could see what’s inside. Maybe then they wouldn’t do things that hurt me, or think I’m awful. Please tell me everyone else feels this too because I don’t want to live in a world where I’m totally untouchable to everyone forever

Okay so when I’m relaxing in my room and when I’m just chilling for a bit by myself and hear footsteps outside my room of my parents walking, I feel incredibly on edge. Like its ridiculous how stressed out I get when I hear their footsteps and I don’t know why?? I just get so stressed thinking about if they will come into my room and if they will interrupt what I’m doing cause I like to stay alone. And they will just walk into my room with no care in the world and are very loud when all I want to do is just relax, I’ve told them many times to leave me alone and give me my space but they just say “we are your parents we can do what we want” Please someone give me some advice it’s making me so stressed

Hi there, so my dad has something I’ve never really seen in anyone before. It’s like this weird mental stage that comes around every so often. What happens is he finds something very small, and makes a very illogically explanation to this, and it’s often blaming me or my sister. It will be a next to nothing issue, but he will become obessed with the idea/explanation that we are at fault for it. He ignores any simple words that are spoken to him that will clear it up, instead very angrily saying the same wrong thing over and over. And then eventually he will at once completely settle down. It’s strange as well because he’s a normal person in general, but all of a sudden this stage can just come up on him. Can anyone please tell me if you have any idea of what this mental thing could be? I’ve never heard of something like this, nor seen it. I want to figure this out so I can figure out what triggers this and so on. Please help thanks.

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i started taking 2 10mg tablets everyday about a month ago for social anxiety and the side effects have just become so unbearable :( i feel like my blood sugar is always low and so i end up eating a lot to make that feeling go away, i also feel light headed and my energy is so low. so i've gained so much weight now!! im thinking i should stop taking it and ask my dr to put me on something new, do you guys have any suggestions?

I think I'm saying this because I'm so utterly hateful of other people, I want my old relationships again, because they were integral to my existence. I have a very long list of personality disorders and other issues, and I'm honestly just wanting to steal autonomy from other people. I want people to perish, I wish I could make it happen, but I can't.

I've had anxiety for a long time. Around the age 15 it got very bad. Days where I was especially anxious, or if I had had a difficulty period then I'd get these horrible chest pains. At first I was legitimately afraid I was dying from a heart attack. I still get them and they are so painful and makes me cry because it feels scary. Only way I can deal with it is by hurting myself some how to redirect the pain, and that doesn't work fully. Does others with anxiety get this? And how do you deal with it? Not so related but I realised I might as well bring it up, I also clench my teeth frequently, especially if I'm anxious. Bad enough to give me bad headaches and jaw aches. I've got a lot of ear issues which I think can be related to the jaw. Not sure I have a question about it, I just want to talk about stuff with people who may relate.

Hey guys.. Everyday I wake up with an urge to not take my meds.. why is that?? I hate it. I feel like a part of me is tied down. Anyone here experience this?

Besides the lack of sleep lately I'm just extra depressed and suicidal, I wish I could afford therapy again because it was helping so much. I wish I was a kid again and I just wish everything was different. And I'm a male it's weirdly difficult to get help for that, especially the emasculation part, which is becoming alot worse lately, I feel like I need to be more assertive in every aspect of my life but I'm not that kind of person. Im just confused and hating myself right now. I don't know. I'm just tired. I won't kill myself or anything but god damn it it's been over 12 years why do I still think of it so often :(

Expect that I won't be able to sleep at all tonight and will keep replaying this event in my head for the next week or two. Not to mention I'll always feels awkward around everyone from this point onward because now everyone put a label on me because of this event. I'm feeling very overwhelmed right now. In desperate need of words of encouragements.

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Something so innocuous causing death is terrifying to me. I don't know where I'm going with this post, I guess I just want some reassurance...

Well, I definitely did NOT plan on having a nervous breakdown this summer, but… https://anxiousacoa.wordpress.com/2022/07/31/well-that-didnt-go-as-planned/

I was recently in a pretty good patch for a while but I’m back sliding due to what I’ve finally figured out was anxiety. I’ve been prescribed Lexapro but I have a very sensitive body and I want to know others experiences on it. I’m looking for something to help with anxiety and racing thoughts That DOESN’T cause drowsiness, insomnia, restlessness, or brain fog. I want to be clear minded at all times. Finding medications that don’t cause this even for just a few weeks has been a headache which is why I’ve stopped taking medication in general. I don’t care if it’s only for a few days or weeks it CAN’T happen at all. I know everyone is different so I want to know what experiences you’ve all had on it. Anxiety level - 3-4 during the day 8-9 at the night

I feel like a defective puzzle piece, and I just dont belong to any "bigger picture." I am meant to rot alone in this shit hole of a world.

I was placing a GoPuff order for some ice cream and after placing an order looked through my order history just out of general curiosity. I come across an order from 2 years ago I made the night I eventually ended up in the hospital due to the end of a very long tumultuous relationship. Life is wild.

I have been off my meds for about a month and a half and I just got back on them on Tues. I'm having a really hard time right now with extremely heightened emotions (esp anger and sadness) and I don't know what to do as I don't feel comfortable talking about my emotions and my struggles with family or friends - I struggle with it and get uneasy when doing so. This is kind of a cry for help. I can't stop breaking down crying for absolutely no reason and I feel hopeless. I want to stop feeling like this, forever. If it wasn't for my 2 dogs I wouldn't be here. But again, I still want to stop feeling like this, forever. I want to stop taking meds, but when I looked into it, and based on past experiences, this shit can get worse. I used to smoke tree heavy, but I recently stopped because of trauma. I take: Trileptal 600mg in the AM, 300mg in PM Adderall 20mg in the AM Seroquel 50mg in the PM (this is a new med I'm taking) Thank you so much for listening

Months and years are going by faster every day and I'm going to die soon.

I have a weird problem, i cannot get rid of a song playing in my mind. Whatever i am doing or thinking, it's always running in the background, those few lines. And it's not always the same song. Please help me, how to get rid of this. What do i think when i am not thinking??

My crush and I work together at a fast food restaurant. After every shift, the person on the register has to count the money, and have one of the assistant managers sign off on it. I had to step away from the register for a bit, and my crush finished counting my money. The money was the exact amount it was supposed to be. When I came back, he told me "you're perfect" I know he was probably talking about the register money, but it still made me happy.

so ik this is probably REALLY stupid and nothing to worry over but my cat just almost ate a frog (it looked small when my mom forced it out of his mouth, but i can’t help be anxious that it was a toad) and he killed it and everything but we managed to get it before he could swallow it. my mom said it was a tree frog but i didn’t really see it much, but i can’t help being anxious that it could’ve been poisonous even though idek if we have poisonous frogs here.

I lost my sister last year, it was really tough. Ever since, I see her and I hear her. She passed from a drug overdose and she was in Texas at the time, she had left her family. I can't handle myself most of the time and get overwhelmed. Most time I physically hurt myself. It is had knowing someone you loved and was so close to is gone. We were always together I wanted to be just like her. But now she is gone. And I hate the thought of it. Her name was Andrea Cain and she was 22. I hope she is looking over me and is doing better. Maybe up there she is getting the help she needs. I love you sister and you will never leave my mind or heart.

After my 1st time painting post yesterday, I decided to continue the process. Thank you to all the kind commenters. Here is my latest acrylic painting inspired by some of my bpd feelings. https://i.imgur.com/G15h2NP.jpg I've never been able to express or show my true mental state due to unsafe people in my life and that encouraged me to hide much of my feelings from myself for a very long time (still struggling). I've only really started exploring the depth of feelings when I started therapy 3/4 years ago. Being part of a community of people who encourage it and understand a bit warms my heart in ways I could have never imagined possible. Thank you. P.S. Reddit not allowing me to post images as images (sorry) hence inserted type post

Yeah I don’t have the energy to change the way I’m now. It isn’t that I don’t want it but I just lack about everything. It feels nice to hide in the darkness, but looking at the future now it’s just so scary. Knowing that nothing’s going to change. Absolutely not if I don’t do anything, but it all just seems so meaningless. I want to be worth it, I want there to be a meaning, but here I am just sitting on the couch complaining about how me and my life turned out. I’m so broken, tired and fed up with life.. just let me disappear.

He has been threatening to leave all week ( 1 year together) . I was supposed to be moving to his country I have a 3 year old . Hes NOT the father. Everytime he had previously tried to leave i was feeling like i was going to die and kept chasing him back. I think ive split on him coz he called me a cancerous slut in his own language and said he would burn my house down so i feel like i dont care right now but i know at any point i could gain my emotions back and freak out and beg for hun back Wtf do i do?! Ive been left! I thought he loved me He promised to stay My future is gone How csn hr love us if he leaves Fuck I feel myself gona cry now Someone plz help me

I am visiting with a family member for a few days that is lucid about 70% of the time, but spends a fair amount of time physically and verbally interacting with voices and visions that are not there. When she talks with me, should I just humor what she is saying with me and keep our infractions pleasant, or should I politely tell her that what she is telling me isn’t real? Our last interaction was a discussion about how the US branch of the Mossad is recruiting her from her current job at the FBI for her to attend US Army cosmetology school and about how she was awarded the rank of Corporal Major in Special Forces. She says they are paying her $9000/day in crypto currency, but the Chevron corporation is holding her money for her. She wants my help with contacting the CEO of Chevron in order to have him send her a check for $951,000. How should I respond? She was non-verbal, dangerous and involuntarily institutionalized for about a year and has made a lot of progress and I don’t want to upset that. And I want to spend time with her and not just avoid talking with her.

I just feel so exhausted. Always overthinking and overanalyzing everything and every situation. Trying to make sure everyone around me is happy. Don't make anyone mad. Don't make anyone yell. Not knowing who I am. Am I even a real person. Why do I lie about everything. Stupid things. Things that don't even matter. Always feeling empty. Why won't this hole go away. Why do I get so angry at the flip of a switch over things that don't even matter. Why do I tell people I love that I hate them. I even feel it in the moment. But it's not how I feel. Why am I doing this. How do I stop. Who are you. Who is this person. Why am I like this.

Didn’t work and doesn’t work. I still have the same thinking, values and perceptions but something did creep into my mind. When I’m soundly asleep, I suddenly felt being watched and will open my eyes. I did this not knowing if it’s a dream neither do I feel it’s supernatural related. But I felt a little horror just like how one felt when being stalked, or got a shocked. When I’m soundly asleep, my subconscious took control and whatever I was feeling and dreaming all came from my subconscious (or maybe not, sometimes it’s just random dreaming that everyone does) but this particular instance is not. I still don’t like that man and I feel that he’s a terrible person. Even if I like Japan but I wouldn’t like him because it’s 2 separate matters in the first place. (Ikr, who will actually associate these things together). I still won’t want to have kids now and the more so not with him. Something that has been deeply rooted in my mind causes my long term nightmares or sudden awakening ( I said long term because something similar or different started way long. Last year I guess? I can’t remember.) and that thoughts is that I’m being watched. Not my ghost but by that freak stalking me. So yes, if he thinks that’s love then yes, he is indeed a freak. So that’s what is scary, I’m not being stalked by some gentlemen but by some freak. Manipulating whatever I do. Maybe he should ask the doctors how to make someone who think he’s a freak to stop thinking that way.

So I broke up with my partner about 3 weeks ago ( I met him through mutual friends and he actually got quite close to all my friends ) and so yesterday I found him on tinder, and to my shock, he has used photos of us and covered my head with emoticons and stickers, he could have used 1000 other photos! Anyways this upset me and I feel like this is a jab at me. So all my friends are telling me to get over it and leave it alone, this is upsetting my feelings, am I in the wrong? I want them to say that yes he is being a douchebag!!

Basically,i'm a teenager that's an idiot,i have no friends,no nothing.I was actually dating an girl,but she was also depressive and betrayed me with another guy,and i noticed it and decided to break up with her,but i'm afraid she killed herself..She was the only good thing on my day. My parents also have an huge debt,and each month more and more comes in,and we won't receive any income for some months,which makes me think we'll probably be homeless by then,it is something that adds up a lot to my wish of killing myself. I never actually had any friends in my life due to such bad of a person i am,and never received a hug since i was 4yo. I just feel like i'm worthless,i'll never be useful to anyone neither be a good person anytime,i'm always making big mistakes in my life and being a bad person,i can't find how to be a better person,or how to simply be happy,i'm just tired of this and wish i didn't exist.

I have no one - everyone left me. Why am I like this? Why am I hurting people? I'm so alone - I need someone...

This is really random but im having an attack right now and I have no one to talk to, if youre able please message me id appreciate it so much! I just need to get my mind off it

I am a 23F living in india. My mom and I are best friends since childhood and we do everything together. One day we were scrolling Facebook together when I was 15 years old that is 8 years ago. I was scrolling a facebook post/game that predicted people's death and my mom played the game. It predicted her death in 2020 June/July and in her hometown from a snake bite. Now I've had serious anxiety issues related to that one incident. I used to do weird things to make deals with God to not make het die, like not watching porn ever or not eating chocolate. I got sleeping pills for my anxiety but I never really got any real help pertaining to this incident and I suffer from anxiety that I will lose my parents that they'll die. This covid fear has gradually increased my anxiety and these days I feel it's harder to breathe. I always have to gasp for more air like I'm not satisfied with the amount of air filling my lungs. I am currently fidgeting my leg while writing this post. Since early childhood I freak out when my parents don't pick up my call after being late to something, I assume the worse with everything. Now My mom is going to her hometown this week and it's rainy season where reptiles fear is more I feel I cannot take anymore anxiety and so I'm trying to seek help. Has anyone ever had this irrational fear of losing their parents. This post may help me cope. If you need any more info hit in the comments

Hi everyone. I made a post yesterday about me breaking up with my boyfriend. It went pretty horribly, he called me a monster, evil and that I use my mental illness to manipulate people. I am going over to our place today to get some of my stuff including my two cats. Im really anxious about it because I don't know if he will be there when I come to get my stuff and I am just going by myself. I don't want him to say anything to me or try to berate me. I feel like I am going to throw up from all the anxiety. My mom suggested that I have a police officer escort me there but I feel like that's too much. ​ Just for clarification, he was emotionally abusive not physically so Im not worried about that, I just really don't want to have an outburst and I really just want my fucking cats back. It's like soul crushing to not have them with me. ​ I just need some support or advice on how to handle this.

This may be a lot longer than expected, so tldr at the bottom. My boyfriend (22m) and I (20f) have known each other for 4 years. Been together for 3 and living together for 2.5. We rent my childhood home with some friends. My parents are our landlords. He has always known I have had mental health problems but he was supportive about me going to therapy and was patient with me. That is until I received a BPD diagnosis in July of this year. He then broke up with me after a huge fight and him punching me in the head, telling me we needed to take a break but still live here and that we can maybe get back together as long as I "really work on myself". So that's exactly what I've been doing for 3 months. I see my therapist often, I have a DBT book, I have been trying to figure out my identity a little bit more, and I gave him the space he asked for. The space wasn't easy at first but it became normal as the weeks went on. I felt a little bit lonely and had a pit in my stomach of missing him but I knew it would be okay soon. I have always been hopeful about our relationship and the world's ability to make things positive. Well, a month ago I asked him what was going on with us because we were falling back into our old routines. He said we were "obviously" together again. (Not obvious to me because I need reassurance lol) That is until today. I work third shift. I got home around 630am and he was awake, I started talking to him and everything was fine for a little while. Then I attempted to sit next to him and he told me to go away. I asked him if everything was alright and he stormed upstairs and slammed the door. I let him go for about 30 minutes because I hate talking to him when he's angry, then I went to our bedroom to get dressed. He said hi to me and asked me what I was up to and I didn't respond because I was still upset. I turned around and told him that I want to know what's going on with him and I would like if he could communicate with me better when he needs space. He randomly drops on me "I've been looking for a new place to live for a few weeks. My therapist advised me not to tell you". So after I'm done hyperventilating because his therapist agreed that he should ghost me after 4 years of him being in my life, I said "so your therapist is one of those people who hates those with bpd?" And he said "No, she thinks you're FASCINATING". He had no idea why I was upset about being called "fascinating". So now here I am, laying in bed for the last 12 hours. Having not eaten in a day or drank enough fluids. Scrolling through apartment after apartment because I know that he lacks the motivation to actually leave my home and that it will be me who leaves with our cat. 20 years on and off in this house, so many people in and out, and it suddenly doesn't feel like home because he has isolated me from everyone and turned our roommates against me. He even logged onto my facebook and told people that I'm lying about him having thrown me across the room for the 10th time in our relationship. I have lied before, but I am not lying about the physical abuse. I value my boyfriend way too much, so even telling anyone that he did that is so earth shattering that I almost vomit when I say it. He texted me "you're a liar and everyone knows it" while I was out. His final line in the breakup fight was "I can't be with someone who has BPD". I know he sounds like a shitbag, and he really can be sometimes. But I legitimately do not know a life without him. I have been with him since I was 17 and I learned how to be self sufficient with him, not alone. And yes I'm tired of being belittled, thrown around, made fun of, isolated, and kept out of the loop, but I have always been hopeful for the future. I always gave him the benefit of the doubt. I always hoped he would do the same for me. I feel like I would wait my whole life for things to get better just so that I can be around him and say I know him and say he's my partner. Where do I go from here? Specifically how do I even begin to let him out of my life when he is so engrained? How do I tell my family without feeling embarrassed? And as for today, how do I get myself to the kitchen to eat? TLDR; live in boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me on the premise that his therapist believes it is best for him to ghost me. I value him too much to let go and we live in my childhood home but he lacks any motivation to leave like he says he will. Don't know how to tell parents (also landlords) and feeling like a waste of space right now.

Hi, so last night I went outside my house near my dock and walked on some grass at night and I felt something touch my foot (probably grass) and I didn’t look back. I went inside and started worrying that “what if a bat had bitten me and I didn’t know”. I saw something dark to the left of my foot on the ground. Maybe a shadow? Don’t know but I went back this morning and nothing was there. Now I’m really worried about it. How do I control this?I was also outside with flip flops. I’ve had “bat” anxiety for months now

She gave up on everything but I kept on trying my best to tell her I refuse to give up and that we are going to fix everything but she wouldn’t believe me. I did everything and it still wasn’t enough. I gave all my effort and I really tried but she still gave up just like that. I felt it was over in my gut but I refused to accept it. It was only a matter of time before she was going to break up with me so I just had to take matter into my own hands and do it. It took everything in me to leave because as much as I wanted to fix everything, she didn’t want want to and that made me so fucking sad. It would’ve went nowhere with that because she already lost hope. I thought we were going to make it, but I guess that’s not how she saw it. I don’t even know anymore

I am slowly becoming more and more depressed because I cant fullfill my fetish dreams and its making me so sad. Do you have any tips for me before my fetishes drive me to insanity

The past few days I keep thinking deeply about death and how it's going to happen.. but not only that... I keep thinking about how my only way of experiencing the world is through my body.. like without my eyes I can't see the beauty of the earth, and without my togue I can't taste delicious food. This makes me realize how fragile I am and how without my body none of this exists, and if we really think about it, anything can kill us at any moment (including our own bodies failing). At any moment, all this can be over...every day the future inevitably comes, so what's the point of living if we know FOR SURE it was for nothing? I mean, we technically can't even be sure anything exists. Every aspect of human life and our existence is just fabricated, and every day leads us closer to the end. We spend every day working our asses off trying to accomplish something, only for it to be over, and no one thinks about that. Our lives are built around a society created by other people, most of whom are dead. All we have in our life is our body, that's it.. and we only have the present second that we are in. That's the only thing we are capable of experiencing.. we can't experience the past again and the future doesn't exist.. and once that second is gone it's gone forever. I hate thinking like this.. it really puts me in a funk and makes me feel miserable. I'm dealing with bad postpartum health anxiety and can't seem to crawl out of this torturous, dark, debilitating, negative head space.

So I’m pretty good socially, I think I have decent social skills and can make people laugh with some quick one-liners and things like that. But only recently I realized that I sub-consciously sort of play a character around people I know (I would say friends but I don’t have any). I pretend to be sort of clumsy and dumb/oblivious b/c it makes people laugh. I’ll do this thing where I pretend to mishear someone and say “oh I thought you said [insert funny thing here]. I feel like I’m always doing a bit or something when I’m not around people I’m super comfortable with. Can anybody else relate?

Makes me feel super lonely and worthless, I hate myself for who I am because of it. Most of the time I feel used. can anyone relate?

Finding more reasons to live.

I have generalized anxiety disorder & seasonal depression. I can’t stop picking at hair. It used to be my ingrown hairs on my legs but now it’s any & all hairs. I have scars everywhere. I’m getting laser hair removal to try to stop me cause nothing else will. I do it at night when I’m alone cause I’m ashamed. It makes me feel less anxious for whatever reason. But then I immediately feel guilty after...

I was diagnosed 6 years ago and I feel like I just get worse and not better. I’ve had DBT therapy but I don’t feel like it helps me with how much pain I feel or how severe my suicidal feelings are. I’ve genuinely tried but I feel so stunted, like everyday is a painful Groundhog Day. I don’t have any friends, I’m close to being fired and I have no family. People say it gets better or that the symptoms lessen as you age but I feel like it’s the opposite. I feel like an alien and that I don’t fit in anywhere. I’m in my late 20s and I’m in the same feelings that I had 10 years ago but even worse. I’ve tried to unsuccessfully kill my self multiple times. I just want it to be over. I don’t think there’s anything that will help me, I can’t even make DBT work for me and antidepressants don’t seem to work either.

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I met with a therapist for the first time and she told me that I exhibit many BPD characteristics in the context of romantic relationships (in my relationships with friends and family rarely do these tendencies come out). Naturally, I went home and scoured through Reddit to read other people's experiences dating someone with BPD or dating when they have BPD themselves. The posts were all so disheartening, with the majority (at least 80%) of the comments encouraging the OP to essentially run the fuck away if they don't want to be left as a shell of a person. Even sadder are links to articles like [this](http://gettinbetter.com/BPDlove.html) that make BPD-afflicted people out to be toddlers incapable of having any ability to think logically/reasonably at all, or like [this](http://www.bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a101.htm), where we become sirens who seduce men and destroy them intentionally. A Psychology Today article stated it best: > It's a sad state of affairs because BPD is a poorly understood diagnosis to begin with and individuals with this label suffer enough stigmas... we don't need a misguided, over-dramatized prototype of BPD floating around the zeitgeist. So r/bpd, please reassure me that there is some hope that my relationship can work. Background: me (22f) and my boyfriend (24m) have been together for 1.5 years. He's stood by me patiently through all of the ups and downs, but I find myself having explosive episodes over small things that he does ("Why haven't you done the dishes YET even though I cooked and you said you would help?" becomes a question of whether us moving in together ever in the future is a good idea), I cry almost in any confrontational situation, and I constantly seek for signs of love from him. I'm going to start DBT soon, and I'm already working on cooling down, meditating, reflecting (I even have a list of things I love about him written down, which I read during those periods of inconsolable rage). I try not to bring up any irrelevant points in order to fuel the flames, including past arguments. Even with these efforts, I'm afraid that it'll be all too much for him and I'll lose the best guy I have ever known. TLDR: please share advice or stories where two people can be happy together even when one (or both) are afflicted with BPD.

Today I got the news that I’m being chaptered out of the army so I don’t really care anymore 1. Nothing I’ve done is or will be good enough 2. My mental health is a joke 3. The leadership abandons soldiers at any moment if it benefits them leading to us being increasingly more unappreciated and depressed 4. I have major paranoia issues now 5. I have insane trust issues now 6. I don’t know what to do anymore

How does it seem most people my age have created a life for themselves, are out having fun, doing things typical “young” people do– going out, drinking, hooking up, I don’t feel young. I feel old and jaded, and I’ve never been more depressed in my life than I have these past couple years, especially the last few months x I’m starting to have more frequent and intense suicidal thoughts. I have hardly any friends. I haven’t made a new friend since high school and I didn’t even have many then. It just seems like nobody genuinely enjoys my company, I’m always on the side. I have such low self confidence and self esteem that has really hindered my life in hindsight. I’ve never had anyone show any interest in me romantically or sexually. Have never had a sexual encounter with another person. The sad thing I’m not even objectively unattractive. I just hate myself I guess and am so critical of myself. I will look at a photo of me someone took and think I’m ugly. Oh and to add on to this I’m gay which makes everything that much harder. I feel so inferior to everybody, and like I don’t fit in completely with the rest of the LGBT community. Graduated college in December. Struggling to find a job. Weekends are brutal I just think about how everyone else is out doing something “fun” while I’m here sitting at home with my mom. I don’t even know if I even want to go out. I feel so much pressure to drink or smoke weed to seem fun or cool. I don’t even think I truly want to move to a big city surrounded by all these narcissistic self absorbed asses who think they’re all the “main character.” But it’s what everybody else my age is doing. I just want to stay in my quiet suburban/country life in nature with my plants and my garden but it makes me so depressed and isolated because everybody else my age is moving out to big cities. I just feel so pathetic that I prefer where I am, and young ppl make fun of a life in the suburbs. I’m in therapy but it’s so hard to get my point across. I never come off as depressed or suicidal in my sessions. I have a way of playing down these emotions. I just feel so hopeless and isolated. If anyone is even still reading this rant, I could really use some encouragement right now.

I’ve noticed that i’ve been 10x more lazier than usual, even showering feels like a chore but before i would actually do it but now it takes so much more work ik it might be depression and stuff but i don’t feel like its cuz of that i’ve always been “depressed” but not to the point where it gets in the way of me doing things.

I am getting physically sick over being so overwhelmed. My mental health is depreciating by the second, and I feel as if I have nowhere to turn. Right now, I feel as if I have to be the stable person in order to hold my family up, and I'm starting to collapse under the pressure. We are behind on bills or about to be on some of them, and we already owe money to my parents. I am working as much as I can with respect to still being present for my children, but it's still not enough. My boyfriend is also working as much as he can. I own our home, and I want to sell, because we can't keep up with the bills/repairs associated with home ownership, but we have nowhere else to go. Housing in this market is impossible, renting or buying. I am so overwhelmed right now that I feel like I can't do anything. Chores are being slacked on and life is getting difficult. I don't know where to turn to reach out for help. There's a lot more to this situation, but I need help. I don't know what to do.

This may be more anxiety. Today we went out to dinner. Just a taco place. It was really crowded. I started having auditory hallucinations. My anxiety was super high. I started panicking. So I told my mom I needed to go outside. I threw my plate away and went outside and just set on the ground. That was an hour ago. We're home now. My mom's been really mad at me since. She's not talking to me and I'm a mess, in my room crying with a bloody nose. Really, I need to get out of here. I need my own place. I'll be a shut in and never leave or talk to people but at least I'll be away from toxicity and hopefully stable.

Why I am binge eating - An Essay to myself. I’ll see if I can get this out without shoving another spoonful of chia seeds into my fucking gullet. To say I hate myself right now would be an understatement. I Loathe myself. I have loathes myself. It’s deeply rooted, hiding from my awareness like a clever monster, and it remains so. I’ve managed to ignore it, to distract myself from it, but the hatred persists. And now it’s time to discuss it. From video games in my youth, and binge eating then, to drugs, insane amounts of exercise, partying, and various other addictions in my youth, to self hatred, self mutilation, all of it, everything, all of it stems from self hatred. Self hatred cannot be allowed to live inside me anymore unchecked. This is MY responsibility. Distractions have become TOO impeding, TOO distracting, because they’ve allowed it to grow - and now, it’s not just affecting me. That’s the brilliance of this reality, because it has to be RESOLVED. Not for me. But for my vision, for my research, and to help the future. When this self hatred spills over into binge eating it is unacceptable for that reason. I need to be eating as much as I NEED, and not more. It’s calculated, it isn't fucking rocket science. But there’s a fear, and an anxiety related to this, that after I eat, if I just, lay down, if I just relax, if I just do something, anything else, there’s such a FEAR. an overwhelming fear. Somehow, food comforts that fear, except that it doesn’t, but somehow, it seems to make me MORE aware of it, which is why I keep turning to it, again, and again, and again. I need to keep becoming aware of it, or it will grow, and food offers that opportunity for me. It gives me some COMFORT, which of course, i’ve not been able to find any TRUE comfort in any other way. All other comforts i’ve discovered have been through the mind, but they aren’t truly comforting, truly bringing me awareness. The thing is, it isn’t food I want, and I know that. I’ve known that for a long that, and that’s why I hate this, that’s why i’m frustrated.. I know how much food I need. I know when i’m taking too much. I give a lot back too the world as well, but despite my intentions, despite learning SO much about how to love and comfort myself, this is the last bastion for hatred to hide behind in me. It’s suicidal, it’s self destructive, it’s incredibly damaging to my self confidence and I need to find a way out of it. I feel like if I could just stick to the protocol, which is HEALTHY, well calculated, and not extreme by ANY stretch, that it will become easier. But even with complete confidence in my calculations and understanding of the biology at play, my mind wont accept that love exists regardless of my mind's association with food. There is a deep anxiety. I don’t want to become a victim, and yet, i’m becoming a victim to myself. I don’t want to lay down and feel sad for myself, I hate that, I want to feel the love that I need to push through it. I want to learn how to give myself that love WITHOUT food. I say again and again, tomorrow will be the day, after this time. But I don’t have fucking time for this shit! I’m 27 now. It’s summer. I can easily do this by any scientific reasoning. There’s NO reason biologically, it’s totally safe, so my mind has to stop FUCKING self sabotaging me. This research and it’s results are critical and potentially REALLY beneficial to humanity. Most of it is on the cutting edge of fitness and the health industry in a few specific ways… My FEAR, is that if I stop eating and do nothing after, I can’t find PEACE, because i’m afraid, of becoming a victim. So I act. And through that acting, I victimize myself, sabotage my own goals, and I hate myself right now for it. It has to all stem from fear, and hatred… I don’t want to lose my dignity, so I do. Maybe I need to place this art before my dignity. Maybe tomorrow I just need to let myself suffer. No matter how hard I fight it, inside i’m a beggar. I need love. I need it desperately, and food isn’t love. I just need to accept that more gracefully and i’ll be able to stay on track and do this>.< People need me, this project needs me, but, more importantly, I need myself.

Been waiting more than six months for this appointment (since getting new insurance). Feeling unprepared about what to say, so I’m writing this post to get it out of my head and get some input. I’ve been on Elavil 25mg/at night for nine months and it’s worked so well for sleep that I’m worried about changing anything, but my idea is that maybe another tricyclic antidepressant will make me less groggy in the morning (I’ve changed my schedule to avoid working mornings—luckily I could do that for now, but it’d be nice to have mornings and some of my evenings back). Also, depression is still a big problem in my life, though my suicidal ideation is down, so it’s worth trying another antidepressant or adding some sort of med to the mix if the psychiatrist agrees. It’s possible I walk out of the appointment with nothing changed, but I don’t know if I’m okay with that when I consider how yeah, I’m better than last year, but I’m still not doing so great. Does anyone have experience switching off Elavil to another antidepressant or experience with other tricyclics in general? Every time I get a new med, I panic and end up looking up side effects and getting more panicked—trying to prepare ahead of time and limit my info to what I get from the doc and the pharmacist. I have been prescribed meds that have totally messed me up (who hasn’t?) but I’m trying to trust the doctor today.

I am absolutely shaking right now. I have never felt this much fear in my life. I really do not want to end it all. I would hate to do this to my loved ones who have put so much time and energy into me. However, I am now being put into a situation that is causing me to have extreme panic attacks and uncontrollable thoughts. I am starting a full time job and have autism and anxiety and depression. This scares me immensely, but my parents think it is what is best for me. I wasted most of my Teenage years and now the start of my twenties because of severe panic and phobia of social interaction. My parents say the job will be good for me but, I am so so scared. I have never had a job before and jumping into a full time position feels like a death sentence. I basically have to take the job thought because it upsets my parents to see me this way and, I really can't blame them. I am this close to walking to the nearest hospital and checking myself in but, I can't even imagine the cost of that. I do have insurance but it would still be a large amount of money. Has anyone else been in this situation? The worst they could do is fire me right? The thought of bringing in a lawn mower into my room and letting the carbon monoxide kill me keeps crossing my mind. I have determined it to be the least messy way to go about it. I don't want to think about this but it is what my mind keeps going back to and I am scared. I have talked to the suicide hot line, I told them I wasn't on the verge of killing myself but the thought has been increasing in my mind. Would someone please tell me it is going to be okay? I have to take this job or I don't know what it will do to parents to see me lose yet another opportunity in my life to my mental problems. My mental illness has made it so hard to function but all my parents see is laziness and just being scared of change. I am on antidepressants if that means anything, they aren't doing their job at the moment. Someone please help.

For me my grade 12 chemistry teacher totally became my FP. My grade 12 year was really hard for me because of my depression and BPD. My bf had broken up with me, I had a suicide attempt, and I lost all my friends except for 1. So I kinda latched onto my chemistry teacher because he let me spend lunch and my study block in his classroom. I just emailed him even though I graduated 2 years ago. And I know if he responds I might spiral again. But I did have a legitimate reason for emailing him. Long story short, has anyone else had an FP that was their teacher at school? (During high school or uni. I'm not really asking about elementary or middle school)

I haven't felt right for awhile. I was told it might be anxiety. I'm thinking about a second opinion.

I have self isolated for so long.. I dread social interactions even going to the supermarket is stressful enough.. I don’t work live with my Mum I have built my own prison.. i am just existing. I haven’t had proper sleep for 10 years and I have never had a relationship I don’t how to get out of this void … people don’t understand what I’m going through they probably think I’m weird or lazy.. what they don’t know is that I have committed suicide 3 times… they think I need a job but when I work I can barely function and I am an embarrassment honestly I can’t too basic tasks or even concentrate for 2 mins. I have done part time work in retail and for a estate agency but I was pathetic and came across as retarded. What they don’t know is I sleep max 3 hours a night …I feel like such a waster. To quote Cobain “I hate myself and want to die” wish I could pay someone to shoot me or give me an overdose so I die in my sleep… oh yes I’m a pathetic shrivelling coward too.

i have no social media and i find reddit toxic, but i do enjoy talking with people with bpd since obviously y'all can relate to the struggle. wondering if there's some secret subreddit for peeps with bdp i could be invited to

The depression and anger is the reason.

My boyfriend is annoyed with me most of the time. And no, this isn’t the “all or nothing” thoughts that most of us with BPD recognize. He has misophonia so when I’m chewing food, drinking a beverage, blowing my nose, cleaning my teeth etc, he’ll be annoyed. But it’s also just our communication style that isn’t working at all and resulted in physical altercations recently which I wouldn’t have predicted a couple of years ago. I feel like I can’t do anything right which is a huge trigger for me that brings back trauma and feelings of worthlessness resulting is suicidal thoughts. I try to find more information on aggressive behavior towards the partner with BPD but most are forums or articles about an aggressive partner with BPD. I tried therapy by myself but also couples therapy and give him articles to read about BPD and triggers but it’s only getting worse. My feelings of depression won’t subside and I’m just sad and tired, not being able to do regular tasks or achieve goals because of it. Resulting in more anger of the partner towards me because I’m not bringing enough to the table. I’m becoming desperate and I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel really bad about myself and am convinced I can’t do anything right. I’ve been dissociating for a couple of days now, just to cope. Does anyone have any articles on anger towards someone with BPD? I’ve encountered it multiple times with different people causing traumatic experiences.

So about 3 weeks ago I had a panic attack which caused me to get sick and have a chest cold with a cough and shortness of breath. And now it feels like this won’t go away even though I don’t feel sick anymore. On top of this I always get extremely warm when I start feeling anxious. It always startles me because I could be completely fine and then out of nowhere it feels like the air has been sucked out of my lungs and I never had this before. I went to the doctor and he basically told me that this sounds like anxiety at it’s finest. Does anybody else go through this stuff daily and any way to help reduce it? I already meditate and work out three times a week. Anything helps thank you

I still don’t like that man and I feel that he’s a terrible person. Even if I like Japan but I wouldn’t like him because it’s 2 separate matters in the first place. (Ikr, who will actually associate these things together). I still won’t want to have kids now and the more so not with him. Something that has been deeply rooted in my mind causes my long term nightmares or sudden awakening ( I said long term because something similar or different started way long. Last year I guess? I can’t remember.) and that thoughts is that I’m being watched. Not my ghost but by that freak stalking me. So yes, if he thinks that’s love then yes, he is indeed a freak. So that’s what is scary, I’m not being stalked by some gentlemen but by some freak. Manipulating whatever I do. Maybe he should ask the doctors how to make someone who think he’s a freak to stop thinking that way.

Like in the title. I'm almost 100% sure that I have BPD. I did try to seek professional help, but my psychologist cancelled my appointment few minutes before it would take place. They just said that psychologist didn't came. Anyway. I suspect having since beginning of March. My friend that I used to talk with everyday, said that I'm acting like someone having it. I had no idea what they were talking about, so I re read my messages. I could go from loving life to being severely depressed, from excited to bored etc. I was acting emotional. Whenever I heard "No", I could become suicidal. I do not understand my feelings. Before talking with them, I suppressed emotions, because I thought they were only harming others. I got attached to my friend, because they were the first person to really accept me and show some kind of affection to me. Mostly I suffer mentally, because of loneliness and having no one. I'm touch starved and I'm pretty sure that I'm so desperate, that I would just leave school, only to spend my time looking for someone. I have radical views on the world, so I don't want to have anything in common with someone who drink alcohol, smokes or takes drugs. Another problem is that I do not want to be in a relationship with someone, who is from my country. My friend that I mentioned, I fell in love with them. We talked for 3 months and I immediately felt amazed by them. We talked about sweet stuff, called each other names, until it suddenly stopped. They wanted me to cease saying "I love you, babe, sweetie" Etc. It was like a bullet for me. I felt horrible. They also wanted us to talk less, because I was too attached. I did try to say that I feel distance already but they still wanted us to talk less. After all of this, after 3 months of hoping for us being together, I heard that they were just trying to be nice and "Saying " No" Would be rude". They said that they do it only for my good, because I reacted badly, when they would decline something, but still, it completely destroyed me. In the first moment I was completely confused. They said things that they want to do with me and out of the blue, it's all gone. I was full of rage and hate. I said too many stuff. After that, came grief. I started to apologize and my hopes and dreams were ruined. I was very suicidal and almost decided to do it. Then I felt great, like nothing happened. All in the span of 2 hours. I have no idea how to express my emotions or how to recognize them. All I want in life is some love I never experienced. I go from wanting a relationship to not wanting it, because I would hurt other person. I no longer understand myself, I'm just lost. Considering that my friend betrayed me and lied to me, I have developed even more trust issues. I'm paranoid about everything in existence. I plan stuff few decades before they happen, literally. I do have good social life, but I suppress emotions in real life, not to hurt others. Support from my parents is just nonexistent. I only want someone who I will love and someone who will love me. So, I'm asking for your help. Do I sound like I have BPD? Does any of you can help me? Thank you in advance.

May 17th, 2022 I have never felt like more of a burden in my whole life. Not having a car has been quite harsh on me and also my relationship with kyle. I feel as if I’m holding him back from a lot , and as if I'm super limited because I am reliant on him for transportation. It’s very hard to ask for things since I don't take rejection very well. I miss being able to do things on my own time, and not feel limited…. Take me back to march 2020 , where I just got my car and had a job at lowe’s – fresh out of teen challenge. I miss waking up at 5:00 am and working out, watching the sunrise on the way to work with the coffee I didn't have to ask for. Don't get me wrong , I am so grateful for all that Kyle does for me. But I can't help but feel like a cannonball tied to his leg. I just think all I do is bring him down , so much so he compares me to a full time job. Sometimes our relationship is really hard , we fail to hear each other out , because we take everything so personally. I hate feeling crazy for being upset about things. Like recently Kyle has been glued to his phone. It hurts me to think that I come second to a video game, or an electronic. Lately I’ve been trying to focus on myself , and it’s going well so far – but one wrong move from him and I break like glass – its becoming hard to glue it back together. I absolutely hate how much I rely on him to make me feel good or important. Because some days he doesn't do all that great of a job and it ruins my whole day. I cry, and underestimate myself. Sometimes I feel like the best girl in the world, and others I feel like a waste of space and wonder how the world would be without me. I just want to be happy.

Sometimes when I am completely by myself I have a fear that everyone else has disappeared. I think in general I just have a fear of what I perceive reality to be changing and my biggest fear within that is being all alone. When I think about how we exist and the universe as a whole I get so overwhelmed and freaked out. No one knows how or why we exist, and nothing is guaranteed. It scares me. Anyone else find themselves having irrational fears about reality? Is this normal anxiety or is this something else?

**Several things hidden depression makes you do.** 1. Throw yourself into your work or studies. 2. Express yourself through your creativity. 3. Spend more time with others. 4. You feel pressured to always seem happy. 5. Overthink everything. 6. Lose focus or concentration. 7. Disregard affection or concern from others. [To Read more in details](https://www.iynk.in/what-hidden-depression-makes-you-do/)

the truth: I don't have problems getting men to go out with me. also the truth: I am so mentally ill, anxious, and depressed, that I have trouble finding a partner. I live alone and am single (27), and now am starting to feel like I could be the girl that ends up not finding someone, because I have sooo much emotional baggage and trauma I'm still sorting through. I become jealous of people who are in long term beautiful relationships, while I'm not. what should I do

So long story short, me and my girlfriend have been together in a LDR for 4 months now (Though she lives fairly close). I’ve visited her a few times and even lived there for two weeks. Three weeks ago her parents decided they didn’t want us talking anymore (stating they don’t want her with someone that has a disorder and that has cut himself in the past) but we still find ways to talk every day. My problem is this.... Although I trust her more than I have ever trusted anyone, she’s given me plenty of reason to, part of me still doesn’t trust her.... I feel like she’s going to leave, or cheat, or get caught talking to me, or etc. I just feel like I’m going to lose her/she’s going to hurt me despite having all the reason in the world to believe she won’t.... Although she doesn’t have BPD herself she is insanely attached as well. She has a fear of abandonment too, possibly both stemming from being a foster/adopted child. We are both insanely happy together and although it is very early in the relationship, we plan on getting engaged ASAP and she plans on moving in as soon as she can. She has all the “good parts” of BPD without the bad and I have never loved anyone as much as I love her; and she feels the same way about me. I just wish I didn’t worry all the time.... I wish I could just believe her 100% when she promises me she won’t leave/cheat/etc. but I just can’t.... I have some experience with DBT and am currently about to get back into it. I just want to stop worrying.... That’s all... Aside from my counselor she is all I have and we barely get to talk anymore (compared to how much we were talking before all this) so I don’t really have anyone to vent to... She is my girlfriend, my best friend, my FP, and idk what I would do without her.... I’m very vulnerable when it comes to her hurting me and thats why I’m scared/worried.... I guess when it boils down to it it’s more fear than distrust.... But still.... I’m so tired of living in fear of losing her....

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 months but I’ve known him for about 6 months. We’ve gotten really close and he recently opened up to me about bpd and that he thinks I’m his favorite person. He told me that it’s nothing to do with me but in general if I don’t text him back soon he starts to think I hate him, things like that. I love him so much and I know he can’t help it, so how do I successfully be his fp? What do I do if he becomes too attached? Any advice in general? I’ve already started to reassure him more like if I’m busy with something I’ll text him and let him know itll take me a bit to respond but what else can I do?

Recently I got out of 2 years of depression. Im feeling better but I am confused with myself. Most of the times I want to be with someone and have fun but when I do that I feel overwhelmed by the people around me. How do I make friends and get rid of this shitty mindset?

today is my 21st birthday, i woke up around 5 all excited. went back to bed and woke up at 6:30 feeling extremely suicidal and depressed. last night i was extremely happy all day.. then depression hit me last night before going to bed. i haven’t felt suicidal in awhile, but these mood swings have been on and off like crazy for the past two weeks. i hate myself and my way of thinking.

I have OCD and anxiety in general. Today was a specially "triggering" day as I went out with friends (triggers my contamination OCD) and my father is going through a diagnosis of a tumor close to his brain. I don't know if this is a trauma response due to the news aggravated by caffeine, I don't know if this is "derealization", but i sure feel damn weird. I was very paranoid driving home and thought I was gonna crash, I felt like something was out to get me. Right now I feel a weird perception of reality and my body. It doesn't feel like an anxiety attack, is more like "being detached". I felt my face going numb for a while and I have been seriously considering my cold brew may have been laced with something, although I know thats very unlikely. I think I just need someone to talk to right now, I'm ok but I'm not used to going through episodes like this. Has someone experienced something similar? Can anyone give insight on whats happening and wether I should be concerned?

I wanted to a few days ago, but read the effects of overdosing on Tylenol or Benadryl and got scared. I don’t know how yet. I’ve been thinking about jumping or shooting myself. I just need it to be done. I hope that’ll do it. I’m worthless and alone and fucking stupid. I just don’t want to exist anymore. A permanent sleep would be great. Thanks for reading.

I got diagnosed in october/november of 2020. I was in a relationship with someone for four years but I think I stayed because he was the only person to “love me”. After that he left me and broke my heart. Now i’m single and on each date that I go, or even when I have sex I can’t seem to have a normal relationship with a guy/girl. I am so jealous when I see couples happy and I do not know how to get there... What do you talk about with you SO ? What if you are boring and have no passion in life and whatsoever to share with them? How will they accept you? How do you meet them? Feeling so lonely right now and it’s suck being single and knowing that alot of friends have a SO that loves them. I know it’s very selfish...

the most ill eat in a day is oatmeal for breakfast and maybe a peanut butter sandwich, depends on the day. some days i won't even eat anything at all. im weak, i can barely walk but who the fuck cares. life is pointless

I hate the weekends, I spend them by myself not speaking to anyone. Social media makes things so much worse especially at night when people are out having fun. This weekend tho is going to be terrible, I just know it. I’m going to be by myself on my birthday and I just want to die. I want a strong sleeping pill cuz I know I won’t be able to sleep. I’ve been dreading this day for so long. I just want to leave. I don’t know where I just want to escape:

I cant stop thinking about how he spent a moment with them Especially how they were so intimate Shit

Basically what the title says, I have 2 friends I regulary talk to about mental health help. One of them also has a depressive disorder so we talk about alot of these kinds of things together, we've been friends for nearly 2 years now and it's to a point where we say we're eachothers best friend and she's also called me her favourite person. I've become very very attatched to her, she is the main reason I'm even still here as she's helped me an insane amount. But I'm only becoming more attached and I worry its going to turn into just me coming across as very needy. I talk to her about how I feel I annoy her with the nights I have that are filled with just spirals of emotion. She reassures me that she's not going anywhere and she'll be here for me, of course I have no trouble believing this when I'm doing okay. But when im not doing deep down I know it's true but I can't convince myself that it is. I don't want to sound cheesy or anything but she means the world to me, she's helped me get out of my darkest times so I don't want to ruin a friendship that has helped both people in it. I hope this post makes sense, im not doing to well as I'm writing it so I'm having some difficulties putting my thoughts into text.

Hi everyone! I've suffered with debilitating anxiety/panic disorder for about 12 yrs now. My anxiety is mostly health anxiety. I've recently had bouts of debilitating episodes where I can hardly function...work, be a parent etc. A couple weeks ago I got sick (stomach flu). Diarrhea, stomach cramps, low grade fever and nausea. I felt better overall after a couple of days but the diarrhea continued. So, of course my mind started to think the absolute worst, ya know, colon cancer. Went back to doc and he ran blood work (all came back fine), did a stool culture that I'm still waiting on and sent me for an abdominal Ultrasound. It was fine. He said the last thing is a colonoscopy. I noticed that after I started feeling better (physically and mentally) my bowel movements went back to normal for about 2.5 days. Then I got an email from my doc saying I might have a polyp in my gallbladder. That sent me into a complete panic, again. I was a nervous wreck. I could NOT stop thinking about it and was beyond anxious for 2 days until the doctor could look at my report. The diarrhea started again. So now I'm on about 2 weeks or diarrhea with a 2-3 day of normal bowel movement break. My mom, co-worker who's been a nurse for 24 yrs thinks it is my extreme anxiety that is causing this diarrhea again. But my mind is telling me I have colon cancer, I that I had gallbladder cancer (while I waited to hear from the surgeon to look at my images). The instant I had diarrhea yesterday I went into full blown panic mode. It's all I can think about. It is a living nightmare. I've got an appointment to see a GI doc Dec 14th. I'm terrified something is really wrong me with. Has anyone else experienced anything like this? It's hard for me to grasp that extreme anxiety can cause diarrhea like this. Please any help would be appreciated or support bc I'm going through it and feel very alone. Thank you if you've read this all the way through.

Reddit can be an extremely toxic place when it comes to religion, politics, and controversial topics. But I feel like there are safe places on Reddit (at least in my experience) that have come from mental health subs. There is no denying there is loads of Medical Misinformation but when it comes to anxiety it has helped enormously. I used to be a high-functioning hypochondriac that always thought I had heart failure, cancer, or some type of bullshit I saw on Web MD. Just hearing from other people experiencing it and hearing people being real with my fears and telling me I'm ok practically cured it. I do still deal with anxiety but I just had to thank these subreddits for helping me out and so many others. I already know the majority of people feel this way but I had to express it to make myself feel better. Anxiety is a very underrated issue that can ruin people's lives but has been downplayed due to how common it is. If you're on Reddit dealing with your issues you're already ahead of the pack in your journey to feel normal again.