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Kanakmi

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mental-disorders

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To The People That Dealt With Anxiety/Depression How Were You Able To deal with it and what was your coping methods???

I have finally gotten a college degree and been working in my field, I don’t hate it, I just find myself wishing I did all these different things. I finally bought a reliable car, got engaged, caught up on bills, had a real career, and I’m more depressed than I’ve been in over 4 years. I am feeling completely lost a useless, like ending my life would be easier than dealing with my current responsibilities. I am so depressed. I have tried new hobbies and given up on every single one. I spent all my money again, called in for work twice, and just overall feel completely defeated. Does anyone else feel like they set high standards for yourself, and once you finally achieve your goals it was all for nothing. Maybe I expected a lot of satisfaction from these things, and only felt a brief second of joy. Now I am questioning every decision I’ve made. I lay in bed all day, my fiancé has been trying to help me find a hobby and I appreciate it and him so much, but he doesn’t understand I have zero motivation to even try at this point. I wish I could change everything about myself. Anyone else relate to this and/or have advice for this?

Customer at work needed a tank so I gave him the keys then worried About gettint some residue in my drink IDK? 😅😂

I have generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder. So it’s just like an ongoing anxiety atttack throughout the day pretty much… but when someone is speaking to you, does it ever sound like nothing? Like you know they’re talking but it doesn’t make sense?

I’m so stupid I can’t even cook or clean like what’s the point in living I hate doing normal body functions i wish the universe would just kill me already

hello friends i posted here last night about my boyfriend choking me with a belt until i passed out not even 24 fucking hours later he hit me so hard my ears are still ringing and i smell blood i have built my entire life and future around him. im just on the floor crying because i feel so fucking hopeless. this is going to end in him killing me because i cant fucking bring myself to leave

I can’t take this anymore. I’m so out of it. I don’t care about anything. I don’t feel like me. I cant really feel my emotions. I never know how i’m really feeling. i’m never happy anymore. I feel like something is just weighing me down. I get constant bad vibes that I don’t understand. It’s like i’m feeling bad energy. I have no one to talk to. I don’t understand why i’m feeling like this. It’s been a month of this. Im just so tired of it all. I hate this so much. I cant stop thinking about dying either. I don’t want to die I don’t want my life to be over. I want the old me back. I was the type of person to care about how others felt. to ask and when they answered I would listen. now I simply don’t care. I cant even go out with friends anymore because I feel so disconnected from them and nothing seems fun like it used to. I even feel disconnected from my family. I want my happy self back. I would go on car rides and blast music and just be free. I don’t even listen to music anymore. I have lost myself and I have no idea who I really am anymore. I don’t know what to do.

I am currently diagnosed with depression and anxiety but I have recently starting wondering if the diagnoses is correct as I wasn’t diagnosed by a psychologist. My medication doesn’t seem to help very much and go through depressive episodes (unable to do basic jobs such as, showering, cleaning my room, eating) and then one day I wake up ecstatic (energy for days, drinking, smoking, happy as could be). I am exploring other options as my dad struggles with undiagnosed bipolar disorder. I know I have anxiety as my whole family is diagnosed with it. What are some examples of your depressive lows or manic highs?

It’s day 6 of feeling under the weather. I’m still so tired. Some symptoms have gone away and given me hope but then I just go right back to being exhausted. I’m trying to do so while taking care of a 3 year old. I’m starting to feel anxious and depressed, even a little claustrophobic from being in this body. I don’t know wether to continue to try and rest or to stimulate myself. This is hard. Any words of advice or encouragement would be much appreciated.

I'm not a twink, white, or rich. There for no one will even go an a date with me. I really wish I was straight.

This night, every time I go to bed and about to fall asleep I wake up. It’s been going on for 6 fucking hours. I tried everything like switching bed sides or taking an hour off to relax before going to bed. Now it’s 5:30 in the morning. What should I do?

Hi everyone. I hurt the feelings of a friend I really care about recently. At a time that I should have been more understanding, I unintentionally said some hurtful stuff and put her under a lot of pressure. After a few days, I read back the conversation and couldn't believe I said what I did. My social insecurities kicked in and I questioned our friendship and gave her a hard time about it. I put her under a lot of pressure by interrogating her on how she takes a while to reply, and some other related problems. I know she is extremely disappointed with me. A little context: we both struggle with anxiety and we always mutually checked in on each other, talked about the problems we were dealing with. I can't express how much this meant. She is someone that is very important to me. I am so sorry that I broke her trust. We're supposed to chat over the phone any day now. And I just wanted to get a second input on how I should apologize. I don't want to say anything that can upset her or cause her more stress. I already briefly expressed how sorry I was, and what I should have done over text. But we are probably going to dig deeper when we chat over the phone. Any kind of help would be appreciated. Thank you so much.

This morning I woke up to a call from her screaming at me to get my oil changed and threatening to take my car if I don’t. This would end up with me being unable to work, unable to live in my apartment, and basically force me to move back home. I got the car as a gift 3 years ago. This seems like an abuse tactic to use taking my car as a threat which would then ruin my entire life. I have been able to stop crying since the call which was two hours ago. She then said that she only says these things because I won’t do it unless she gets mad. She does this often and always says that even though she has seen how much it upsets me. Today I had to literally beg her to tell me that she isn’t mad at me so that I could get out of bed land stop crying, but here I am still crying as I write this.

Does anyone else scratch their arms when they are in anxious social settings?? My roommate pointed it out to me and I didn’t know that I did it. It was like this weird tic. And then at a get together I went to a, friend said why do you scratch your arms in settings like this? Idk what to do or how to stop. it’s like I don’t know I’m doing it.

So I’m diagnosed bipolar 1 but my mood changes and irritability are super rapid and happen like 100 times a day so What would that be? BPD? I had a lot of childhood trauma and I tend to push people away and expect them to come back idk it’s just when I post on r/bipolar almost no one relates to how I feel so idk can someone help me?

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Well I must be some kind of desperate to go here (no disrespect to Reddit of course). I don't really know how to start this except by saying that I don't know how to start this but I'll try. I know I have a mental illness of some sort. (You've probably guessed that because this post is on r/mental illnesses) I just can't seem to figure out what the hell it is. I've looked at countless websites and medical...things, but Ive never found that what I feel classifies neatly under one term. It's feels like an amalgamation of multiple, but the two that made the most sense we're depression and some kind of dissociative disorder. But since I'm looking for someone to diagnose me (too scared for a doctor) I'll just list some of the things going on. I hurt myself. A lot. My family has caught me once a long time ago but they just got angry at me and threatened me with normal parental threats. I've done it regularly since but have learned to do it on my legs because I always wear jeans (even in 90 degree weather I'm positive only 5 people have ever seen my legs) and I know I won't get caught. I do it on my wrists every now and then , but just like jeans I always wear jackets and as such haven't been caught that way either. Once on my school bus a kid I'm good acquaintances with (I don't know if he thinks of me as a friend or he's just being nice) saw cuts on the top side of my arm and just kind of nervously laughed about it, considering suicide is a popular joke among people my age it gave him a good out to the awkward situation. I mostly cut myself when I'm angry, although I have to be very mad to do it because I use a pocket knife (a pretty dull one at that) and using that takes some commitment. I've only ever done it on my veins once and it was sideways, i always hesitate and then do it's somewhere else. Im more angry than sad. This is the reason I don't just think what I'm going through is good ol depression. Especially with my brother. It's like every time I see him a light turns off inside me. I don't smile to begin with (not real smiles anyway) but seeing him eliminates what little bit of happiness I have and just makes me hate existence (though I guess you could chalk that up as sibling rivalry). Also when this kid (who I'll call Michael for identities sake) shows up I just instantly want to hit something until my knuckles split open and blood runs across my arm. I do have a reason to hate this fatass though, as he's bullied multiple girls into crying and has even faked being gay to try and get attention. If I was ever to hit someone in the fucking throat with a blunt object it'd be him. I'm very sensitive about some things. This mostly applies to other people, like the girls "Michael" bullied, being that I know them I would immediately jump in to defend them if people like "Michael" did something stupid. I've also found that I get way too attached to objects. I'll obsess over the tiniest action figure or similar object being missing all day until I've ruined all 24 hours of it. I have some kind of social anxiety. Not you're normal, token "oooh I'm really scared to talk I'm just so afraid I'll say something stupiddddddd", but rather I'm touchy and just don't show it. Sometimes it feels like I'm backed into a corner and I'll get these shakes like the ones I get when I haven't had caffeine in a while. I once held up the class after the bell rang at my school (teacher dismisses not the bell) and all the kids in class started yelling at me at once. I just freaked out and screamed as loud as I possibly could, "SHUT THE FUCK UP JESUS SHIT!!!". The teacher was so surprised he didn't even get mad, everyone went silent, and I walked out of the classroom, dramatically throwing my pencil in the trash, (which was, in hindsight, pointless and wasteful). I couldn't think straight the rest of the day. Another very distinct symptom of this is one I still don't understand, and that is the fact that if I know someone, somewhere is mad at me, I cannot enjoy myself regardless of what I'm doing. The voices. I'm constantly hearing voices. Though two out of the four aren't really speaking words (at least not tangible ones) but before I get to them I'll go over the others. The first is the most simple, it's my voice of reason. He's the one who talks me out of doing bad things to myself, or getting in worse trouble. When he "speaks" I doesn't always sound like my voice (or anyone's that I know). This next one is kind of hard to explain so I'll just use a ton of references. The first time I heard this one was a month ago. I was lying in bed with the TV on low volume (I was scarred by the movie dead silence as a 6 year old) and I hear this loud but quiet voice in my ear. It wasn't like talking.... it was more like a sharp whoosh that contained a sentence, and the only real speech I was able to make out sounded something like "banna"? He sounded like a mix of Calypso from pirates of the Caribbean and Papa Legba from American horror story. Either way, it was like an angry African man? Angry might be the wrong word...you know that scene from the new It when pennywise bites into Georgie's arm? Right before that he bares his teeth and I could very distinctly imagine this African man snarling with that full set of teeth. Though, strangely I only ever imagine the bottom half of his face. Ok the last two I don't have a name for so I'll just describe them. I would compare them to to men screaming over each other, except more vicious, like two dogs snarling at each other, their endless barking not really meaning anything. I'm generally indifferent about what I'm not mad or stressed over. A while ago my girlfriend broke up with me and I didn't care in the slightest. Not one tear, not even a quivering lip, just a "goddammit" and a long sigh. I don't think I really even want a relationship. I'm the only person who seems to not want to have sex before high school. I'm the only one who doesn't even really want to have sex period. Sure I still watch porn, and I've gone through puberty so I'm at the age where I should be looking for women but I'm just happy single. My girlfriend recently got back with me (after 3 weeks) but when I got that text I kinda just shrugged it off. Now that I think about it when she asked me out I didn't even say "Yes!" It was more of a "sure" than anything else. She didn't seem to notice though Ok so this one is kind of hard to write and I don't know if it even relates to this but I've started to get into gay furry porn. Now before you keep over laughing I want to clarify some things. One, I am and will always be (probably) straight as a ruler. I watch normal porn, and normal gay porn doesn't do it for me. I think someone else has covered this a lot better than me and he's already said pretty much exactly what I'm going to so link here https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.reddit.com/r/furry/comments/2lzvqt/im_straight_but_gay_furry_porn_turns_me_on/ I also have no interest in being a part of the furry community or buying a fursuit, or making a fursona or other things like that. Before I end this I'd like to rule some things out. This has been going on long before puberty and still happens now, so I know it isn't hormones As I said before im sure it isn't depression, although I show all symptoms for it just replacing sadness with anger, there's still more that I can't just classify as depression. I know all too well how much middle schoolers like to make stuff like this up for attention. But please PLEASE don't classify someone as an attention whore for saying stuff like this unless you can be 100 percent positive that they really are making it up. If you plan to reply feel free to ask about anything you're confused about beforehand, as I'm sure this is an unorganized mess of words, and I'll do my best to help make the window less foggy.

I mean i just get very panicky my heart rate increases and i feel like crying and nauseous and my brain stops working I have a ticklish feeling in all my joints and i want to die

I actually don’t know what to do. I know what I should do, but I just feel like I’m physically and mentally unable to do them. I want so many things in my life to change, I know I have to make these changes all by myself, but myself being completely drained of energy, motivation, or courage won’t let me do anything. I feel stuck I don’t want to stay like this forever but it feels like I will stay like this forever. I just want to live a different and fulfilling life, where I like myself, I know what I want to do in life, and where I’m happy. I’m so so far from any of those things right now, I’m completely discouraged and I’m falling into hopelessness. I actually don’t know what to do, I don’t want anyone in my life to know that I’m like this, and I’m scared to seek help to my family, or asking to see a therapist. Why is life so hard

It sucks....when ever I talk to people I feel like too much, cause I have all this energy and I can come across needy.....and the sad part is most of the time I just want friends or someone to talk to.....even if the talking is trying to cheer them up.....cause I am sad....and I feel better when others do to...but I feel like everytime I open my mouth I say something stupid or weird and....it sucks.....cause the last person I used to talk to everyday was my ex and she always treated me like I was too much and so do alot of other people. I am in therapy and I try and tone my self down but most days all I feel like I am so fucking alone and even when I try and make new friends cause my old ones seem to always bail on me I always seem to come across weird....cause I hope people like me.....but then I get ghosted or ignored.....I am not even bad looking I am just.....alot. I know I supposed to handle my own emotions and I do....but I always end up feeling so out of place....cause I think to much or talk to much.....always to much....I hate it. Ever since I was a kid it's been like this...I can't even drink these problems away cause I used and I quit cause it just seemed to make things worse with the people around me. And I just want a place where I belong, with people who really do like and and actually ask me how I am doing.... but every time I even get close to that it seemed to get ripped away. I fucking hate life sometimes because of it, but I don't know what to do....my therapist says surround my self with like minded philosophical people....but I don't know where they are...and I just feel so alone, so rejected so, isolated. I hate it.

Statistics always show that its mostly females with BPD so im wondering wether or not there’s any guys on here with BPD or any guys here that think they might have BPD. Let me know by replying. Anyways, wish y’all the best w ur problems and struggles.

My doctor prescribed a painkiller after a medical procedure and it’s been a weird experience. I’m usually anxious and it put me in an extremely peaceful state of mind. I had never felt that way before. No overthinking at all. Actually not much thinking either 😂 It kinda scared me to be honest. Did anyone go through that?

i don’t know what to do. i’ve been hospitalized, taken meds, i just want to be happy you know. i even moved from america to taiwan in hopes that i would get better and make some friends that i dont lose in like 3 months. i keep doing things i regret. i keep lying, i called my entire class “cancerous people” and they all hate me now. i hate myself too. idek what the first step should be. can somebody please help me. i sometimes feel like bpd just makes my personality a piece of shit. maybe i am a piece of shit. when i was diagnosed it made sense but now i just think that it might be my own personality thats making me act like a shitty bitch and a terrible person. idk if this is just me, i’m hoping others feel like this or maybe its just because i’m such a shitty bitch. do i apologize to my class for calling them fucking cancer. they hate me though so theres not really a point is there. right now i just want to kill myself, but i dont have the courage to. i’m too scared to throw myself off a 15 story building. but i feel like i’m such a piece of shit that it wouldnt even matter. everybodys telling me to kill myself in the class chat, and i feel like i really should now. idk what to do. i just want a step by step thing on how to help myself, or i’ll just end up killing myself. i keep lying and lying and doing terrible things and just fucking hate everything about me. see, i typed this unconsciously and i really never got hospitalized but i said i did in the beginning. this is just how much of a fucking shitty bitch i am. please help me.

how do you all calm yourself when you feel intense anger coming over you? earlier, my little sister was over (she’s in middle school) and i swear she did not stop talking for TWO seconds. I could feel the anger swelling inside of me and it took everything in me not to explode on her to SHUT THE FUCK UP. but i don’t want her to grow up feeling like she has to filter herself for other’s opinions and whatnot so i try to hold it back. Same w happiness and sadness. happiness seems good but when i’m manic at work, it’s a problem. and same w sadness but vice verse. Tips?

Hi, I'm struggling a lot and just looking for guidance My mom has a life threatening illness that came on suddenly so I had to fly home. The house itself is pretty triggering but knowing my mom is sedated and I was only allowed one visit due to covid is stressing me out. I'm seeing my therapist every 3 days throughout this and I've been taking my meds. I've reached out to a lot of my friends but then I get hit with embarrassment afterwards so I don't want to. I can feel myself just spiralling. I've been drinking a lot as it is my current coping mechanism but I was able to take a day off like 2 days ago. I dyed my hair blue as a "safe" impulse behaviour but I just want to hurt myself and the feeling won't go away. I don't know what I'm asking but I think I just need validation.

Makes me think my brain is hardwired completely different. For instance, just asked a question if I am wrong for being angry that my boyfriend’s brother is ig friends with my boyfriend’s ex from 15 years ago and likes all her pics. Keep in mind my boyfriend is in jail so he can’t have social media. I feel his brother keeps tabs on her for him. I don’t know what to do because this may end our relationship. I have never thought he was really over her and this is upsetting. I haven’t told my boyfriend I know, once I do we will likely break up and he will call me crazy and insecure.

I embarrassed my husband today. He feels ashamed of me. Sitting with this feeling really hurts.

I really do just see myself for what I am and that’s nothing. I have nothing to offer anyone. Zero worth. The more I try to get anyone to care the more I realize I need to give it up. There are people who matter and it’s not me. I don’t and never will.

I'm 19 yrs male

My Boyfriend just told me he’s going on a work retreat 500 miles away for 4 days. He’s NEVER had to do this before as he works in a store. Guys I’m flipping out and nothing but bad thoughts and Jealousy! I hate myself I hate situation and I don’t know what to do.

i am in a hospital as i’m typing this for an unrelated (to covid) reason, but i heard someone coughing really bad and they’re puking and i’m petrified. what if they have covid? i’m scared because i’ve known people that have had it and they had it bad, and what they’ve described is terrifying. i’m shaking rn

Are there any signs that point to one or the other? I know that mental illness is a complex mix of genes/neurochemistry and enviroment and that our enviroment can in fact alter our neurochemistry. However, I still suspect, intuitively, that there are some people whose depression (or other mental illness) falls much more toward the genetic/nuerochemical side of the spectrum and visa versa. I would situate myself closer to the second camp. I was extremely sensitive and high strung, even as a baby, and that combined with my introversion, lively imagination, slow processing speed, pessimism, difficulty at school, lack of siblings or cousins, frequent moves as a child, chaotic and inconsistent upbringing, my natural tendency to think and feel (too) deeply and romanticize or exaggerate "dark" feelings, all predisposed me to a childhood of chronic social isolation, low self esteem, and eventually depression and anxiety. Multiple traumatic incidents and abuse beginning in adolescence didn’t help. Then struggling and dropping out of college lowered my self esteem a lot. I’m trying to climb my way out but I’m overwhelmed. The meds aren’t really working or I can’t tell if they are working since right now I have so many bad habits and a less than ideal living situation and while Ive done a lot to improve lifestyle there is so much more I could do. I’m sure some of it is genetic. There is a lot of depression on my father's side of family, and my maternal grandmother has OCD and anxiety, my mother has OCD and ADHD and my uncle probably has Aspergers. How do I even know if I should bother with finding the right meds? Is there a completely different treatment for different kinds of depression? I was hospitalized once and diagnosed with intermittent severe major depression (MDD).

i had been very angry during session, feeling that he wasn't paying proper attention to some of my symptoms. i talked about wanting to change to a different modality - i do mentalization, but only because it was what was being studied at the academic hospital where i was diagnosed. the model never really made sense to me. i haven't ever done DBT and i have persistently felt that i should, esp as these symptoms seem very related to distress tolerance. my psychiatrist however, really favors a psychodynamic approach and finds dbt "punative." i can't deny -- these symptoms cropping up has been a recent occurance, over all in the 2 years i've worked with him, i've seen a lot of improvement particularly in paranoia. when we stopped, i had basically just badgered him into finally saying what i wanted -- which was "how can we help you form intimate relationships" in essence -- instead of what he wanted to do which was -- it felt to me -- to get me to "accept" the symptoms and like, not be so upset about them? but they scare me and i don't want them to get worse. anyway, i ended with a clipped "thanks" and walked out, he did not walk me to the door like he always does. later that night (last night) i emailed to ask for another appointment. he hasn't written back. it's not like him. now the earliest he would write back is monday. its the most borderline thing in the world to assume global rejection based on having expressed anger at him. but that's what's happening. i want to cry... i am crying. and at the same time -- i had an incredible work meeting today where basically i am treated as the "visionary" of the company and a team of people want to volunteer to execute on that vision. but all i can think about -- whether my psychiatrist is going to reject me. i can get another one. and i wasn't totally satisfied. but if he does it will feel like the end of the world. and the uncertainty is killing me now. do you think i did something so terrible? he specializes in borderline. surely he's experienced worse? he is incredibly kind in taking me at a rate that's even below his sliding scale. perhaps the ingratitude was too much. help **update: thank you for your replies everyone. i heard from him, with a lot of care in his reply, it wasn't intentional, which of course the sane part of me knew all along, but it never makes a whit of difference to my emotions, as i am sure everyone here understands.**

I’ve been a nice guy ever since I was born, innocent and everything. I never wanted anyone to feel pain, doesn’t matter if I knew them or not I just knew that I want to be treated well, so I gotta treat others well. I’ve been beat down to the point where I’m afraid I’m gonna lose my morals. I’m not gonna sit here and complain about the things that happened to me or the things I did when I lost control but my only question is why do I have to be humane, if others will constantly beat you down. Why not show them that it’s not okay to treat others wrong instead of just staying quiet “being the bigger man”. I admit, I’m not proud of the things I did after I lost my humanity, but the rage inside me just takes control. I’ve hurt people, had blood on my hands, made sure the fear was in their eyes not for my pleasure but to ensure that they don’t come after me again. My first instinct now is to hurt people, I never wanted this. The only thought that goes through my head now is when will someone just kill me. Just end this suffering, clearly I was not made for this world and I’m not an asset whatsoever. End me before I make a mess of things because I’m too much of a coward to do it myself.

I hate this body, i hate my life and i hate my family. I loathe myself. I have no interest in life or any aspects of it. I do not enjoy any activities it has to offer. I am not insecure, benighted nor am I vulgar; I simply do not enjoy life. I am not ill educated, but I realize many aspects of life that demoralize me as a person. The concept of religion, school and jobs are cretinous to me. Money is not a merit to me, it is a necessity. I discern my worth and gifts, my smarts and crafts; yet i choose not to use it. these gifts are mine. I could have anything i want in the world but yet i choose not to have them. I am uncouthed, I am not affected of what other people think of me nor what i think of myself. I am not here to impress anyone or live for anyone else. I sometimes stare at the mirror for hours beyond end, staring at my face. Dissociative. I have no interests in life yet yearn to what could be. This is true depression.

My partner is extremely unhelpful during panic attacks. Anyone have any useful articles I could send them? What I'd like them to understand is that: 1) My anxiety is not their fault 2) I need them to not be judgy during a panic attack 3) I need them to have a nice "tone", and no raised voices 4) I need them to validate what I'm feeling 5) I need my feelings to be prioritized during an attack. If anything happens that bothers them. Wait until I'm in a better emotional state to talk about how my anxiety is affecting them. I know my partner genuinely wants to help me when I'm going through it, but they make it so much worse.

I have not slept in 3 consecutive 16 hour overnight flights, all in the last 5 months. I have never been able to fall asleep in cars, or anywhere with other people around. A friend of mine visited me today and slept over. And I couldn't sleep the whole night again. Does anyone else have the same problem? What do you do in these situations? Related: I also can't pee in public bathrooms if there are other people present, even when my bladder is bursting. I have to go inside the stall to pee.

Looking to see what supplements/ vitamins have worked for your depressive mood and lifted your mood?

Hi, so like half an hour ago I realized I made a accounting mistake at my job a couple of months ago and will have to come clean to my boss to remedy it now. It triggered this state I have quite often when I'm on the verge of panic or have a severe anxiety episode - I get light-headed, my movements slow down, I unconsciously start taking very deep very slow breaths and I feel like a robot, kinda mechanical, as if i'm just a passive operator of a machine, moving it around. Mind's blank completely. Just processing a very detached analysis of the situation at hand. Afterwards, I'll get a horrible headache but i'm not there yet. I'm not sure what to call it so I can't even google how to treat it. Any ideas?

Nothing Is normal anymore, I used to be this happy funny kid and now all I do is silently tear up and think about blowing my brains out, like seriously there's nothing else to think about. I feel like nobody cares, I'm not going to talk to my father about this and my friend would only agree with me, hel I didn't know if I should come here. I can never sleep and when I do it's in the middle of class. I keep everything inside and I think it's making go insane. There's some worse stuff on here so I don't know if I belong here. I'm sorry for wasting your time.

There is a person here claiming to be a psychiatrist doing research, who is giving out medical advice and opinions ( i.e. discouraging certain forms of therapy). This is potentially pretty dangerous, and feels predatory. I suggest adding a rule that no one can claim to be a medical professional without providing proof to the mods.

I'm scared to go out because I'm anxious about what if I poop myself when I'm having an anxiety attack or I poop myself out of nowhere when riding a public transport. Does anyone have this kind of fear?

I have a history of anxiety centered around my health mostly. Recently I have been having a flare up of costochondritis, which cause chest pain and shortness of breath, and my anxiety is crippling me. The chest pain has definitely gotten better since I’ve been doing stretches, but my mind is constantly racing because of the shortness of breath. It seems to go subside when I am able to convince myself I am totally healthy and not dying, which only lasts for a few days at a time until I find another symptom to obsess over(back pain, sinus pressure, metal taste in mouth etc) . I haven’t been sleeping, when I do I have horrid nightmares, and I haven’t been able to focus on anything much, combined with the pandemic I have also stopped working out completely and have gotten out of shape. I mostly sit around, and I notice when I do move around a lot my heart rate jumps up which makes me even more anxious that something is seriously wrong with me. I have been seen by multiple doctors recently, gotten a chest X-ray in September, a physical more recently, and every doctor says everything is normal. Multiple negative covid tests as well. When I wake up from sleep I usually wake up in an intense or mild state of panic and anxiousness (causing insomnia - I’m afraid to relax enough to fall asleep because I feel out of control of my breathing) and I hyperventilate until I relax, which takes a minute or two of walking around, petting my cats. The shortness of breath at night seems worse when I tell myself I have to relax and let my body take control while I sleep. This has been going on almost a month and to no ones surprise, I am still here living and breathing feeling mostly fine besides my anxiety. I should be getting meds for my anxiety soon, my doctor just wanted to do routine bloodwork before prescribing me anything. I know that if something was seriously wrong with my lungs or heart I wouldn’t be feeling mostly fine and wouldn’t be able to do certain strenuous cleaning activities and go for 2 mile walks (which I try to do if I’m feeling okay enough to leave the house). I’m pretty sure the only reason I’m posting here is to get everything off my chest out in the open to the community of people who understand most. I have been trying to get into journaling to keep my thoughts from piling up in my head. Anyway I hope you are all doing well and staying safe. Happy holidays y’all - thanks for reading

I want to forget my past. I don't want to remember anything. I want to become a whole new person. There is nothing comforts me about me. I can't handle who I am. I hate myself. I rather die than be myself. I am complete failure and I can't accept it. I want to die or forget everything.

I drove away my favorite person through my own fault really. I got to the point where I was so panicked about being abandoned or replaced that I got really controlling and generally unhealthy for the both of us. After what was a normal, completely off topic conversation he outright blocked me without any warning nor explanation why. I of course can't force him to come back that would be unfair to him, and even if he did the emotional scars left from the experience make it hard for me to imagine ever being friends with him again. Even still, I still feel awful that I was such a toxic figure in his life. I feel awful for having made my once best friend hate me and I feel awful knowing that if I were to do it all again my own mental state would've made me make all the same mistakes all over again. I miss him I really do, and I'm having trouble moving on in the future since it's all just so unclear. Will I ever be able to be close to anyone or will it always end up how it ended this time? I know I'll never talk to him again but I feel so at a loss, I had no closure because of how suddenly everything went from fine to destroyed. I don't know how to move past this and continue on with my life, does anyone know what I can do to stay positive or move on?

I can’t get over FP I am in a loving relationship with someone who is not my FP. He is great. My long term FP was my best friend and someone I’ve slept with on and off for 15 years. Coming into this current relationship my partner expressed clear discomfort with my FP and our history. Now I don’t talk to my FP, and I can’t get over it. I obsess over my FP, I cry when I’m alone and I call him in secret. I know this isn’t healthy. But I miss my FP and nothing will change what he means to me, ever. What am I doing? I obviously don’t understand boundaries or what is good for me. My FP has BPD too and it’s plainly obvious he is in love with me. He knows I’ll always reach out and when I do that I’m likely compounding his issues too. FFS. I yearn so intensely for my FP. Almost daily. He is everything but I don’t want to date him. I think I might be the biggest bag of shit ever. Rant over.

Do you guys know what is signs of schizo OCD or psychotic OCD? I didn't find much informayion on google about them

A friends mom is completely in denial of one of her parents death she says she wants to go see him and completely believes he’s still alive. This happened when he first died about a year ago and she got on medication. But it started happening again. Does anyone have any idea what disorder this could be ?

Hi. New here. 22 F. Does anyone else have heart ‘flutters’ from anxiety or panic attacks? Like a bird flapping in your chest? The docs have told me to live a normal life but it gives me so much health anxiety.

I want to be able to breathe in public. I don’t even notice I’m holding my breath until I gasp for air. I think it is because my sister used to say I breathe loud, why am I so sensitive and why can’t I just breathe.

I think I may have schizophrenia No I’m not self diagnosing so please don’t shoot me but I’m 18 years old currently being treated for psychosis I am on risperdone, diazepam, ziopiclone, flueoxtine and aripirizole and being treated for psychosis. My symptoms have started to reappear again however I have a bad feeling that I may have schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder, when I was younger before all this medication and the psychotic episode I used to feel bugs crawling on my bed for about 4 months I couldn’t sleep properly and my parents didn’t really care they just told me there’s nothing there but it was really distressing and real. I’ve experienced tactile hallucinations from the age of 8. What do you think? Also what lead you to your diagnosis of schizophrenia or schizoaffective. How many episodes of psychosis did you have to go through? Between what age was the first episode of psychosis and what age was you diagnosed?

15 minutes ago I literally felt suicidal and SO deeply depressed and hopeless. Now I'm dancing through the kitchen, cooking and eating at the same time, smoking weed, listening to music and enjoying life to the fullest. Wtf?

I'm 22 years old and I don't know how to drive. It's always scared me and the few lessons I've done with my parents in the past scared me, not even because they behaved a certain way, but just being in control of this giant moving vehicle scares the shit out of me. I don't want to get into accidents and the whole thing scares me. But my girlfriend lives 45 minutes away from me and it's becoming unfair of me to expect her to make the drive to see me every single time. I need to learn how to drive but it's terrifying and I would really appreciate any help or tips or something

Trying my best on medication compliance but made a mistake and suicidal ideation is way up again. I don’t know what comes first, the depression or the noncompliance mistakes, but both increase the other. How many doses can you personally miss before everything falls apart? Seems like a pretty small margin for error.

I can’t ever have a healthy relationship with a woman I am toxic and I treat women like shit especially if they’re close to me. I feel terrible like anything can set me off I accepted I’m this way and my life sucks but I don’t want I live like this. I wish shit was different

Lately I’ve been feeling more of the want to”give up”. I’ve been clean from sh for close to a year now but I’m nervous I’ll relapse. The thought of letting go again and not fighting seems so comforting yet I know I can’t. I know I can’t throw myself off what progress I’ve already made so I’m just struggling at this point. I knew it was going to be difficult to continue but I didn’t think it was going to be this hard. I think I’m more just trying to say that I’m struggling to say the least now.

This is going to be a long one. I just found out my sister got engaged last night. I've never liked the guy (I'll call him D). They've been friends for years the first time I met him, he was just obnoxious and rude and loud, and just left a bad first impression. Every time I saw him after that it just got worse. The last time I saw him was a year and a half ago. I was at my other sister's house, and he happened to be there. My sister's husband was being a complete ass that night and being really condescending to my sister. He ended up leaving the house in a fit without saying anything about where he was going because he got mad at her for not cleaning a pot that was in the sink before be got home, after she had called him several hours earlier to tell him they were out of dish soap and asked him to pick some up on the way home (which he remembered to bring, but still somehow got mad at her for not doing dishes without any soap??). So her husband left, and I was furious for her. I told her it wasn't okay for him to treat her like this, and that she needed to stand up for herself. The usual pep talk stuff. But then in comes D, literally screaming at me, saying I'm basically telling my sister that she should "disrespect" her husband by standing up for herself, and that I needed to mind my own business. It should also be noted that both sisters, sister's husband, and D all go to the same church (where sister's husband is a pastor) so a lot of their feelings on this matter are shared and explained through that. His comments pissed me off. Obviously. But the night goes on. D eventually leaves, husband eventually comes home. And then it's just him, me, and my 2 sisters. We were planning on having a sleepover so we all get ready for bed. Sister and I are in the guest bedroom when we hear the beginnings of a fight with other sister and her husband. He starts screaming at her about the damn dishes again. Things escalate, get scary, we are all scrambling to get out of the house before he hurts us. I end up having to break down their bedroom door to help sister escape because husband had locked her in there with him and wouldn't let her leave. It was terrifying. Sister was terrified. Swore she was going to leave him. But, big surprise, she went back to him the very next morning. I tried to get her to change her mind for weeks after but she wouldn't. Then the pandemic hit, and that along with the fact that I had PTSD from that night and never wanted to be in the same room with her husband again, I haven't seen her since and barely talked to her. Other sister was pissed, like me. Swore she would never forgive the husband, didn't want to be around him. That lasted for a few weeks. Then they made up. So I haven't seen or talked to her either. D was supposedly pissed when he heard what happened, but all I can think is that it's his comments and his thinking that are to blame for the situation in the first place. He told her standing up for herself would be disrespectful, and the fact that they are all a part of this church and that husband is the pastor is why she wouldn't leave a bad situation. But guess what, he got over being "pissed" too. My whole family did too. They love husband. They love D. So sister and D got engaged last night and the thought is making me spiral. Idk if she will ask me to be a part of the wedding or not, but if she does I want to say no. I don't want any part of it. But if I do that, I'm basically resigning myself to cutting myself out of the family because my family would never forgive me. But I'm also not that close with them to begin with and the fact that they're all happy for my sister right now makes me hate them. I am filled with hate. I hate D and I hate my sister's husband and I hate every single member of family who forgave and forgot what happened last year. But then I think about the fact that I'm letting 2 people who are not my blood come between me and my sisters, who I had a really good relationship with before this, I get so mad and think it's stupid. But also I can't look them in the eyes anymore without thinking how stupid they must be for picking such soul sucking dickheads for partners. So I might as well just throw my whole family away then huh

I get super anxious about everything and start overthinking my life. I will get scared of absurd or ridiculous things. Suddenly, I’m watching a tv show and I’ll think it’s going to happen to me too or all the what if’s come to play. I want to know if I’m not the only one who goes a little crazy and are you taking meds for that?

I have this weird feeling that the things people do everyday like their daily activities and relationship problems seem alien to me. Like I'm on some sort of other plane of thought processing. Is this just my anxiety? Like going out with friends seems almost impossible It's weird. Idk how to explain it

I decided to have a lazy day after pretty productive week, since I had no work I literally laid in bed all day and read a good book, once my kids came home of course I had to get up and be productive which is totally fine but this is when my anxiety really really really really hit My head of course broke out into the worst migraine of my life, my chest ached to the point I questioned some kind of cardiac episode . Even now I can’t see straight with this headache . I do admit I had … one glass of water today hehe . I’m drinking now but this always happens when I decide to be lazy and get hit with the worst anxiety of my life . Like I’m hit with every physical symptom possible

I regularly check my temp (a bad habit I’m trying to stop) and whenever I’m already anxious, my temperature rises and then I spiral. Is this a thing for anyone else?

I keep coming across posts about people who aren't "really" BPD, and it worries me. For context, I'm self-diagnosed, with one therapist saying I have it (or maybe just entertaining me?) and one saying I don't. I picked up *I Hate You, Don't Leave Me* in a mental hospital a while back and it resonated with me, so I did my own research and thought I had it. It was immensely relieving to realize that other people feel the same things I do, and it became a part of my identity. I got into a relationship four months ago with an amazing guy and it makes me feel so much better, so my borderline characteristics have waned. For some reason, instead of being relieved, I'm scared. Who am I without BPD? It scares me and makes me want to hurt myself any time I come across something that reminds me that I may not really be borderline and I don't know why it hurts me so badly.

I've been okay for over half a year. My medication has truly done miracles. Most of my BPD & bipolar symptoms seemed to be gone and I was able to get my life back together. I haven't had any *dangerous* thoughts in months. I truly felt like this was over and maybe I would be able to live a normal life. But recently, I feel like I've taken 500 steps back. Like my brain wanted to remind me that these stupid thoughts will always be here. That I'll forever be broken. I'm not in danger, but I can't help but feel comfort in the thought of disappearing again. Everything feels grey again and I'm so tired of it. Everything I worked on mentally for the last 6 months has disappeared. I feel like I've lost.

It’d be great to be able to stop thinking about what other people think and be able to do the things I wanna do without a second thought. I know people in real life that definitely fit the bill of a psychopath and they honestly couldn’t care less they just do what they want. Feeling real jealous of that.

The smallest things set me off, as simple as hearing I have an assignment sooner then realized. Or even as minor as a noise like a loud car or dishes. I get so angry, so hateful, so destructive in the matter of seconds... I feel like a monster for being so angry for no reason I swear I come across as a psychopath. I just want to know how many other BPD suffer from this symptom? Irrational anger.

My ex w/bpd just can't see things from a normal perspective. I've done so much research and have come to terms with how her brain works and her emotional flaws. I'm attractive, patient, everything she could ever want and need (her words) but she couldn't ever be faithful, honest, and tried to get me hurt. She landed herself in a situation where she was with a drug dealer, and things got stolen. Now her life is in danger, and I still don't think its enough of a wake up call. How do I reach through the crap and get her to see the light?!?!?! Please anything that worked for you, any healthy suggestions, would be welcomed. Her children deserve a mother.

I'm upset that I let depression and anxiety take control of my life for so long. I want to just cry but I've been to this point so many times that no tears are coming out.

I wake up at 4pm, sometimes later every single day. Then I sit in bed on my phone and dwell on my past for an hour or 2. After that, if I have the energy I get up and brush my teeth and take a shower. Then I just sit back in bed or at my computer and play games all night until I jerk off and go to bed. I’m in a family of 3 sisters, 2 brothers and my mom and I’m not close with any one of them, they’re all close but I’m the most distant. Tried talking but never worked so I guess it is what it is. I put on a fake confidence just to try and “fit in”. All I think about is when am I going to jerk off next or do anything that’s a sensation or a “temporary euphoria” that’ll temporarily make me feel “good”. All people do is try to give me advice and then laugh at me when I’m not around because they think I can’t hear them or understand what’s really going on. Honestly just want to be left alone all the time. I don’t know what to do anymore, and I feel like I’m no one’s favorite and will always be the last choice for everything.

watching everyone getting ready and knowing i've got nowhere to go. usually i just sign up to work to keep me busy but i lost my job. nothing to do, nowhere to go. looked into some places doing like a public meal thing but tbh those are always just depressing. not sure what i'm gonna do tomorrow, but i'm feeling really isolated tonight

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Everything I have read says don't mix Prozac and alcohol. But realistically, how much of an issue is it? Like if I had one alcoholic beverage would it be horrible? Is it only if you drink frequently or a lot? I just started on Prozac so I have not tried this for myself. I am not a big drinker but at times I like a drink with dinner, etc.

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It doesn’t, and I’ve accepted that. Anxiety will always be lurking.. when I’m feeling better about something, the anxiety shifts to another perceived obstacle. I know I can get help, but it’ll never fully subside. It’s engrained in me.

every day feels like hells and nothing is getting better. i try to sleep in all day but even the few hours im awake feels like pure insanity. nothing i do makes me feel better. im just hoping things get better but nothings happening. im exhausted.

I’ve realised that there’s always something that fills my thoughts and makes me split. One month it will be cheating, then money, then drugs, then porn, then work. I am always wondering when will my struggle be over only to find a new one. It’s like I am always working to accept or overcome something but it never ends, there’s always something new after that. Is it just me?

My partner/FP told me they don’t love me like they used to and that they can’t give me the reassurance i need over text (they’re studying abroad rn) and now I’m getting messages from them like “I keep getting texts and hoping they’re from you” and “can’t wait to see you” like what you hurt my heart and of course I always respond with so much love bc I LOVE THEM. It’s just confusing and painful

Hi together, I'm working up a lot with myself lately, as it's difficult to get help in my country (in Europe) right now. Long waiting times and little chance to get good therapy. I was diagnosed with a mild depressive episode a few years ago, however I have not been well for several years. Therefore I think that this is not the whole truth # Stress feeling I have noticed that a lot of my behaviors can be traced back to feeling stressed. This feeling of stress is, in my opinion, triggered by a high internal "pressure". This arises, for example, from the fear of being abandoned or not doing something right for someone, which could also lead to interpersonal punishments. Unfortunately, I learned in my childhood that if I criticize my mother or say something wrong, I am quickly punished psychologically. She would get loud, not talk to me for a while.... The stress also comes from the outside of course. Time pressure, self-made time pressure, fear of failure.... I am doing my PhD and have been moving up quite fast in management consultancies. The last two years have been a sprint and it has left its mark. # Behavior Back to that stress feeling. It takes on different dimensions: * I unconsciously "hurt" myself by delicately biting my arm or scratching my nail bed. Often I just see the marks afters and think "Oh I did it again". I can reproduce it e.g. by playing a difficult game (e.g. Dark Souls). As soon as I die against a boss fight, I unconsciously bite my arm in the loading time. * I get an extreme craving for sex/masturbation (multiple times a day) and would describe it as Compulsive Sexual Behavior. The orgasm is then no fun and I feel exhausted and bad afterwards. Still, I do it. * I behave in a clingy way and thus ruin relationships because I ask several times in a short time if everything is okay or write messages to get confirmation e.g. that I miss my partner. * I am completely exhausted after a few days, but cannot sleep

So I have a really bad case of BPD and PTSD and a lot of other stupid ass shit and so I'm on like 1500 mg of this stuff. 8I'm a male and I had beautiful locks of gold now strands of shit. But this pill that has helped me so much this past month has taken one of my only joys, putting may hair in a nice top knot. I am losing it incredibly fast and its killing me...I have always been very suicidal and this is really getting to me deep down, i am slightly vain about my hair my wife doesn't mind but its really killing me inside. I feel like everything I love is taken from me... I just hate life right now and it has never been good for me even when I thought it was getting good for me I get hit with more shit... ​ TL;DR My life sucks and i'm losing all my hair

Hi guys hope you’re well. I have health anxiety and convinced myself I had a brain tumour! For starters they are so rare like 1% of the population gets them. The reason I thought this is because for maybe over a year I have noticed that I stumble on words sometimes if I think about it too much quite a lot. Also my tongue just sometimes messes up and just makes a TH sound on an S and everytime it happens I get a palpitation and think oh god it’s the brain tumour. How do I overcome this ?

Not really sure where to post as I am new to reddit. Just needed a place to vent out my emotions and what I’ve been feeling throughout my life filled with nothing but anxious thoughts. Where do i even begin? Life for me at this point feels so scary. Somehow, a part of me just wishes I could go back in time and stay a kid for the rest of my life. Growing up, time passing every single day scares me. Everyday not knowing what’s going to happen in the future scares me. When will i die? What happens if i lose all my loved ones? What if the World ends tomorrow? What if my girlfriend leaves me? What if i never get a good job and just stay a bum? All these thoughts going on inside my head.... it’s driving me crazy. I’m writing this at 2 in the morning and I feel like my head is going to explode. I really dont know where this fear of the unknown is coming from. But in a way, it makes my heart feel so heavy. Can anyone help me out? How do i get over this feeling? I really dont think anyone i know personally knows or understands what IM going through. I’d really appreciate some advice and words of encouragement. P.S i have a 17 hour flight on monday and riding an airplane always makes me anxious

Every now and then I get this feeling like I cannot believe that I have to go on in my real flesh for the rest of my life. It is so scary to fathom.

I’m 23, I have had depression diagnosis for 5 years now, but I was definitely depressed long before that, my first specific memories of deep self-loathing thoughts (writing them down) are from when I was 10. I have tried 7 different antidepressants over 5 years and for the last year and a few months have been going to therapy. Will my depression actually end at some point? It’s wasting a lot of time, energy, resources, also of other people, and at this point I should really be adulting, not crying for three hours every day. I’m having food and a place to live because my parents pay for it still, but it cannot go on for much longer. Is there hope? How do I get actually better?

Everytime I want to do something that brings me an ounce of happiness, I immediately start doubting myself,I say I'm not good enough to do it and that there's no point because I'll just let everyone down. I always give into those thoughts and choose just to not do anything because I feel like I don't deserve to be happy or do any of the things I enjoy. How do I win against this feeling and thoughts?

In January, my grandfather passed away. Relatively expected at his age, but it was really the first death that I dealt with on such a personal level. I struggled to deal with my emotions, so I started smoking again (***legal*** Delta8 cannabis) to numb the pain. I faced some medical scares (chest pain false alarms), and my motivation for work subsided significantly. While I would still do what was asked of me, less and less was asked of me, so I just kept doing fewer tasks. Around this time, my girlfriend told me she lost feelings for me. I was insanely depressed, but I still felt like I had a decent career path ahead of me as long as I could keep coasting during my depression. Two months ago I got fired. The company wasn't doing well and I was the first on the chopping block. I still hold major contempt for them for not helping me through my struggles at all - not a single coworker reached out to me after it happened. I am at the lowest I've ever been and I've been let down fucking again. I don't want to work, I don't want to try, because everything ends up meaning nothing. I don't want to do fucking anything except what I want to do, which still feels like a cycle of short term dopamine rushes. After a couple weeks of continuing to self-medicate, I moved in with my parents and stopped smoking weed, given that I would potentially need to take a drug test if I found a new job. Despite my relatively successful resume, after 2 months of constantly applying to jobs and interviewing almost every day, I JUST received my first offer, for 70% of what I was being paid before. I just learned that I have to take a drug test this week - after nearly 2 months I am somehow STILL pissing hot on home drug tests. At this point I am debating faking the test or just passing up on the offer and continuing to look for jobs while my system is cleaned out. While I wouldn't feel morally bad about faking it, considering I would fail for doing something ***COMPLETELY LEGAL,*** it is just so unfair that I have to risk getting caught doing something so unethical for no reason. My anxiety has never been higher. My girlfriend doesn't love me, I got fired from a good job that gave me a decent career track, I'm actively losing all of my money, and I can't get back on track because of something that I responsibly stopped doing when I realized I needed to. I feel so alone, so lost, and so let down :( At this point, I want to completely give up. I have no friends, no job, no future aspirations, no girlfriend, no passions, no discernable talents, no productive hobbies, and no will to live. The only reason I haven't killed myself is because it would crush my parents.

Hey everyone, I have been struggling with depression mostly due to being very poor, I never thought I would see this day. I’m so happy. I have been recently afford my dream job, to say I’m just happy is an understatement. I feel energised, cleaned my room today, did my laundry, went for a job. Called my mom, she was crying the entire phone call. I really want to make her feel like other women outside. She’s been there for me all the time. I will be working as a structural engineer.

Anyone else get shaky breathing when their anxiety is acting up? Not sure how else to describe it? My at rest breathing is normal, however if I take a deep breath its different. I feel my deep inhale is completely normal, however upon exhale its almost shaky. If I am relaxed its normal and only seems to do this when my anxiety is higher.

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Focusing on what I'm thankful for helps me the most when I'm having a depressive episode, which phone app is the best when gratitude journaling?

I don’t get it, I take antidepressants, beta blockers to reduce anxiety. I try to avoid triggers, think positively, face all the challenges but once I hear thunder I go into full panic, it’s legit killing me I tried a lot. I forced myself to stop wearing headphones but all I got was panicking and chest pains. im so tired of this what do i do? i literally took beta blockers to reduce the physical symptoms

This is partially an 'arm-chair' diagnosis, however, my wife checks many of the boxes for having 'Bpd.' \- Unstable Relationships. * Her closest relationships, me and her sister, are in a state of chaos. Her sister is set to marry in October and she has been almost completely blackballed from the planning (bachelorette party due to drinking, abuse, etc). \- Black & White Thinking. * She's never wrong, everyone else always is. I love you, I hate you. She can let stuff fester for weeks and explode and then be completely 'lost' (i.e. sleeping, distant, toxic) for days. * If someone wrongs her or she feels wronged, she's done. Past friendships were lost due to this line of thinking. \- Fear of Abandonment. * Pretty straight forward; she hates me, then she can't live without me. Wants a divorce, then wants more children and family vacations. \- Impulsive, Destructive Behavior. * Has been an alcoholic or mis-used alcohol for (4) years. She claims not to be an alcoholic and is loosely in recovery (use of alcohol has 'stopped' as far as I know), she claims various reasons for using with no purpose. * Has used/abused/mis-used sleeping pills, weight loss pills and other supplements/substances almost obsessively. \- Distorted Self-Image * Was anorexic as a 12/13 yo girl and felt she did not get help from her parents about it, or was completely denied as having a problem. When she cried out for help, she feels her parents downplayed it or completely dismissed it. * Now using hair extensions and other items to 'beautify' herself, when she doesn't need them, to an obsessive extent. If I tell her I don't like them or she looks beautiful al-natural, she is very defensive or hurt. Any input of my preference is a huge slight that often she brings about later to insult and justify insults at me. \- Problems Regulating Thoughts/Feelings/Emotions * This might be one of the biggest markers, because she has zero accountability around our son when she's bad off. She'll scream fck, not worry how she treats me or behaves in front of him. She gets bad...all bets are off with her actions, behaviors and words. * My only 'trigger' when I engaged her in any confrontation (emotional/physical/mental) is about our son. If she's losing her cool, I ask her to leave, call my folks or anyone or dismiss her, only making things worse. If she's attacked me in her state, I've defended myself, often resulting in her faking an injury or hysterically playing up what happens. \----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Today the light dawned for me, after four years of seeing her abuse/misuse alcohol. I'm asking, parents and loved ones, when someone is episodic, as my wife has been since Thursday, what do we do? I remained calm until Saturday morning, when after preparing a nice breakfast, she went off on a rage-filled tyrade in front of our son. I asked her to go and she broke down in tears, then rage. Later, she was flipping me off, unregulated emotions and at one point, a physical altercation. She turns into a viper, a mean horrible spider. I often distance myself, take our son elsewhere, visit, go to church, but I don't think I can stick it out. She last left rehab 1/19 and I've on again, off again found alcohol, too. That's part of the problem, but there's days/nights I can tell it's more. I've known her for 14 years and only the past 4-5 has it gotten REAL BAD to the point I've ventured every option short of divorce (Al-Anon, therapy for me, Marriage Counseling, rehab for her twice, GP, etc). Her counselor has told her she has "emotional blackouts" though my wife has no real diagnosis for anything. She isn't on any meds. When I searched emotional blackouts, it linked to BPD and she has long checked ALL those boxes. Thank you

Be me. Go to the freezer to get food. Disassociate out of the blue. Giggle. Remember that you suffer from a chronic feeling of emptiness.

I came to the realization that I internally hate myself so much and I'm such a people pleaser that I literally don't do anything that brings me personal joy. Because the things that do bring me joy make me feel embarrassed or ashamed of myself for like them. That's fucking sad. I always thought I liked baking and cooking and drawing. But the reality is that event though I DO love those things, I do all of them not for me but for the people around me as a means to please them. Who even am I anymore...

I do my best for my friends and other people for example like helping them with their assignments, listening to them about their problems while i am not available at all, replying to their messages immediately so that they shouldnt keep on waiting, and many other things and all i get is basically nothing. Instead, they are not even adding me to their group chat, talking behind my back and telling themselves that i am weird, not even replying to my messages and etc. Of course people dont have to do that but literally only one of my friends texted happy birthdays to me even though i never forget their birthdays and wait till 12 am so that i can be the first one to celebrate. Its ok if they dont text me but i would be incredibly happy if someone texted me. Also i always text lovely messages to my friends and tell them jokes so that they can be happy in their life but there is no one for me on my depressing days. You may find these petty but it is literally so depressing and upsetting for me im literally crying for 3 days because of this. Im incredibly weak and sensitive. I am literally losing all my hope and motivation to go on with my life. What is the point of people making fun of me while i try my best just not to hurt their feelings? I literally would write a whole paragraph and do everything they want just to apologize when i did something not even bad. However people dont even give a fuck if i am sad or not. Why are they acting this unsensible? What happened, what did i do to you? Tldr: my friends treat me like i am a piece of garbage while i do everything for them.

I feel so low lately. I have an anxiety knot in my stomach constantly making me feel like ill throw up at any moment. I'm living with my friend and my older brother, they don't get along. She's threatend to move out multiple times, she compares us to the literal abusive and alcoholic filled household she's coming from and it feels so bad. I know she has trauma, i sympathise with that. But it doesn't mean she can dictate every single thing we do or don't do. Trauma isn't an excuse for acting like a jerk.. right? We've been bending over backwards to meet her demands and conditions but she does nothing to try to meet us halfway. It feels like she isn't even trying and it's such a big slap to the face. We've only been living together for a little less than 2 months now and it's already all messed up. If i could rewind and never move in here, i would without a second thought. Its so mentally exhausting to always have some issue going on at home or having to be in the middle of their arguments trying to find a way to solve things that doesn't ruin my relationship with both of them. Im only 18 and i can't stand to be the adult anymore. I love them both and i dont want them to hate me but i feel like they already do. I don't want to have to walk on eggshells all the time. I dont want to have to be afraid that every move i make will start another fight. Im a very non-confrontational person and i cant handle this. Im being blamed for everything thats going on. I cant fucking do it anymore. I was already struggling before all this but its pushing me closer and closer to the edge. I started to SH again after 9 months clean and i have constant suicidal and intrusive thoughts. I dont want to be here anymore. Ive been considering admitting myself to a pshyc hospital but im afraid. How do i handle this?

Like maybe I have a couple of online friends I talk to here and there, but on the weekends I'm just drinking alone lol.. I can't retain anything healthy and it gives me hopelessness/suicidal ideation. I'm so unhappy with my life, and I know it's kind of my fault cuz I have such high standards and I consider people to be shitty super easily (tho usually they actually are... idk) but if I could put up with even 1% of what people would need to put up by being around me... idk, I would maybe have more options, fml and the few that last the first few days/weeks eventually pull the rug. and they do it generally right when I'm beginning to trust them and rely on their company. I hate the search. I hate the wasted effort. I hate the rejection I feel when the masses just can't vibe my vibe. but I hate being alone more so it's like.... I can't stop idk this was just a mind babble but I think I needed to get it out. today's been dark and lots of people have been letting me down recently

Hello, what are some good jobs for someone with anxiety issues? It feels like nothing works and I've been unable to hold onto anything for any decent amount of time. Any advice is much appreciated!

I have a few different disorders, I was diagnosed with BPD first. And later found out I'm autistic. I realised that because I've grown up masking my autism a lot, that I also mask my mental illnesses. I was thinking perhaps the autism is why I have quiet BPD, I express some things (like blowing up my FPs phone) but for the most part I keep it inside or express it non-chalantly when I feel intense emotion. I also have "pure-O" OCD, and I feel like most of my compulsions are only mental because I can hide it. I still have physical compulsions but they aren't very noticeable.

We've been best friends since we were both the new kids in class at the age of 7 and now, as helpful it is to have a good friend I've known for over 20 years, I know he's stealing from me. Me and friend pick up a bag of weed each every week, I pay £30 for mine, he pays £20 for his and we've been doing this for about 2 years now, weekly without fail. He knows about my BPD causing me some social stress so he goes and grabs it, comes back and we smoke up. The issue here is that I had to meet the dealer on my own a couple of weeks back. He's a nice guy and we had a chat, I hand over the £30 that I always pay and he pulls a face and goes back into the house to get me £5 change. I ask him why this week it's cheaper and he informs me that he always charges £25 for my weight. I then realise that my so called 'best friend' who is paid *significantly* more than me and has absolutely no bills to pay for is taking money from me every week and lying to me about it. I know it doesnt sound like much money but that £20 a month he's been taking can go towards a lot of stuff for me. And considering hes been doing it for 2 years, that means he's taken nearly £500 from me since we started doing this. Couple that with the fact that I pretty much just sit there every week and listen to him complain about his life and he doesn't even ask how I'm doing (going through therapy, abusive relationship). He's my only friend so I'm so conflicted. I dont want to lose a 20 year friendship over money but I cant help but feel like I'm being taken advantage of.

My anxiety makes it almost impossible for me to talk on the phone, even people I'm not anxious around irl, I get panicked with on a phone call. So 99% of the time I don't answer calls and definetly don't call people. Well now I had to answer as is was a pretty important call and I'm pretty calm after it, like usually my hearts beating like crazy, I'm sweating and my voice breaks during and after. But now I'm pretty, I just feel short of breath and am a little shaky, but I think it went pretty well! My voice still broke during the call, but not as badly as most times

I've been lonely almost my entire life, always felt under pressure or lack of time. A friend of mine found a server and they will meet up this summer when the exams wil finish, the same time when I will work full time at my family's restaurant. Until now I couldn't meet up because every exam is meant to be tough so everyone was busy, and I really feel tired of this to happen for the fifth year consecutive. I arranged to meet with my close friends two times in the last four months and this makes me sad. I accepted the job so I can save some money and make independent. I'm not sure if the gov. is gonna accept the scolarship, I really don't want to because I wouldn't like to waste my time studying at the university; it cost me a lot of effort to understand that I'm a self-tough person, but there is no encouragement for people like me any place. There are a lot of reasons I'm not gonna share here why I want to leave my mother's house, but I urgently need to leave. Far. The job will last til' october and I am not sure how to get over the summer and find a new place with new job (I've never been at an interview and I'm not receptive to accept the first shitty job). At this moment the global economy is collapsing due to the lack of energetic sources (yes, 80% of consumption that cannot be electrify) so in order to not rely on a comolex lifestyle, I want to look for a low-emission rural house that needs local work, maybe somewhere in Galicia but this looks like impossible to find in internet (also owning a house is so gddmn expensive). There's a lot of shit here, lot's of variables, I want to study by my own before taking a final veredict, because I trully want to do this right. But I'm tired. I don't think I can do this job in the laboural conditions (place is hot af and the heatwaves are unbearable in Spain, 9h/day, only tuesday free, nonstop all the summer) it's just too much and the fact that I did it last year doesn't mean I can do it now. All the breakdowns are tearing my energies apart, my motivation is fragile. I have frequent suicidal thoughts even if zero attempts. It just doesn't have to be this hard, life doesn't need to be this hard but somehow "it is whst it is" and I have to eat everyone's shit, even if it's not intentionally. In moments like this, I want to smoke weed and escape for a moment but it gets worse later with depression attacks. Sometimes I remember Elliot Anderson buying a bag of morphine pills and about to commit suicide and then arrives that inocent child. His tantrums and his illusions makes Elliot brake completely and letting the light dive into his scars. How does it get better? When will the perfect entity arrive at the perfect moment to touch the deepest wound? What if it arrives at an ungodly moment, what if I'm not ready to change myself even if it's impossible to be same again after that? I feel so morally tired I don't know what to do or choose.