Datasets:

Kanakmi

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mental-disorders

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I don't know if this is the right community, but i have serious concerns about a friend of mine. Recently she's been very agitated, she often feels sad and alone, she started to avoid most of the people around her and turned to religion. She says she only wants to find peace. She will say harsh things to me like accusing me of not being a good friend and after a few minutes she apologises saying that she does not know why she acts like that. She is impulsive, she would say weird things out of nowhere and suddenly she can't stand public places like clubs or pubs where she would spend time a few months ago without problems. She says she cannot understand how she is so angry all the time and every little thing drives her mad. I, myself, have to be very careful around her wirh everything that i say because I'm afraid she would get mad from anything. She refuses the idea of therapy because she says she can't put her thoughts into any order and it would be only a waste of time and money. Also she doesn't see a point in doing anything, even her usual hobbies seem worthless. And she started believing different ideas such as "everyone is selfish, nobody cares about you anyway" etc. What is there to do? This has been going on for months, only getting worse. What could be happening to her?

Disclaimer: I’m not diagnosed with BPD. Every time whenever I come onto the group chat I created, which has people that I specifically handpicked who are ‘good friends’ of mine, I always worry if someone has actually left. Whenever I have a notification that could potentially indicate that someone has left, I freak out, then when I realise it didn’t happen, I get a sigh of relief. Well today it actually happened. Someone left. Great. And this same person also said before they wouldn’t leave the group, when someone else left beforehand, whilst I was crying my eyes out. I wouldn’t think that both of those people would leave since I do talk to them often and even to this day I have never expressed me being very upset to the first person that left because it just seems like a ridiculous thing to be upset over…and I understand. They have every right to leave if they want to and I don’t wish to be a control freak over this (I used to be) but…it just still hurts nevertheless. Honestly, these instances also give me thoughts of closing down the group, and I really thought hard about it, but nowadays I do think the positives outweigh the benefits, and it would be better to discipline myself in overcoming these negatives. I’m sorry if any of this sounds stupid…but this has been a problem that has bothering with me for a long time. I don’t want to control other people’s lives…I also sometimes think I’m not good enough in keeping these people in the groups I have created over the years, and friendships as well. So I’m here posting this…and I’ll brace for the worst. I wonder if anyone else has this issue as well.

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Cn: mentions of alcohol I am a 17 y/o trans guy and have never really had a group of friends with whom I had a real emotional connection. I met nice people and felt accepted for the first time when I went to choir for the first time September last year. A month ago I was feeling terrible. I felt very alone and like I didn’t have any friends, because there was no one I had a real emotional connection to (I seriously thought about buying alcohol to drink the feelings away, which is totally not me, especially because I’d never drunk before). I messaged a guy from choir who had previously told me, that I could always come to him with my problems. He told me that he was at a small fire department party (idk how you call that in English) with friends from the choir and suggested to pick me up from home so that I wouldn’t be alone. I agreed and it was super nice. I also took some sips of beer for the first time and everyone was really there and looked out for me that I didn’t drink to much (which wasn’t even a danger)(also 16 is legal drinking age in my country, so drinking was legal for me). The next weekend we met again with friends and when we left he said that he and his best friend would go drink something now and that he’d bring me home first. I asked wether I could stay with them and it was okay and his best friend offered that that I could sleep at her house. We got along perfectly and last weekend we met Friday to Tuesday every evening because holidays had started and there was a carnival in our town. But after that I felt extremely intrusive and annoying, because they all have been friends for years and I’m new. Because I’ve always been told I talk too much and because I’m very touchy and don’t want to make them uncomfortable. This was especially strong because I’m not used to being drunk and therefore this direct, honest and even more touchy and flirty than I usually am around safe people. I told the guy that I feel this way and am afraid of loosing them by being this way in a 10 minute voice message in which I started crying after one minute. He sent me a 9 minute message in which he told me, that if they(“they” always means him and his best friend) hang out with me, that means they like me and that if there was a problem they would tell me. He said that they want me just the way I am and that they love that I talk a lot, because that’s me. When I listened to the message I cried and I know he means it. But I always go back to “they don’t like me, they only pretend too”, “I’m too much, I’m annoying them”, “I’m intrusive, I don’t belong with them”. How do I learn how to value myself and trust others?

Has anyone experienced this?

I wanna scream bloody murder at a certain group of people who probably have no idea, I'm gonna log off now before I actually do that

One of the things that I always think about is the opportunities that I've missed throughout my life. I feel like I made poor choices with how I spent my time, and I feel like I'm paying the price. I see a lot of people diverging into a multitude of hobbies with variety of friends and opportunities and it makes me feel horrible. I was recently diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder and Body dysmorphia disorder and It feels horrible not being able to experience what others are experiencing. I'm scared that I'll waste all my opportunities and stay shy, scared, and alone at an old age, and it's terrifying. I'm already starting to rethink about going to college, but I feel obsolete and worthless if I don't go. I also feel like I'd be missing out on even more opportunities. (I'm a senior, and everyone is working on going to colleges or universities) I want to say that it's all linked through jealousy and envy, and I understand that the solution is to just let it go, but is there an easier way to deal with this? How can I make myself feel better in these tough situations and how do I cope with it? How you ever had to deal with this? Do you have anything you struggle with? How did you deal with it? What would you recommend? Your input would be appreciated. Sorry for the rant, and I hope you have a good day!

Has anyone tried Latuda? I was on Geodon for two weeks and it really helped my racing thoughts and mellowed me out but made me manic at night and so incredibly tired during the day. Has anyone tired Latuda? Does it help with hypomania, restless thoughts, and depression? Thanks!

Hey today I got diagnosed with BPD, but officially was diagnosed months ago without being told. My normal doctor got replaced with someone else and she read my file and accidentally told me without realising I didn't know. Since, I've been doing alot of research. And I'm devastated only because previously I was diagnosed with C-PTSD + other things but with another one I feel lost? And with looking at brain scans I feel confused over how I'm supposed to fix or heal or recover from something that's literally embedded in my brain. But I also feel not as 'crazy' because reading through this sub I've noticed other really specific behaviours that I thought were normal weren't at all. E.g. biting yourself when there's extreme emotion (I literally did that an hour ago because I needed an outlet for the shame I felt of having BPD) At the moment I'm terrified because I've been told I'm hard to work with. Because my mood changes drastically and I, don't know how to fix it. My response to receiving criticism *in a tone that I don't like* (in a tone is subjective because I might just be perceiving it wrong), is to get quiet and focus on what was said so I can learn from it as well as to remind myself that I'm not being threatened, I am in a safe environment, this is not my abuser - I am just being told criticism. But by getting quiet and focussing on what was said - I'm also shutting myself down and making the environment uncomfortable which then I guess could be hostile. I don't know I grew up with someone who I couldn't be safe around, and I'm aware that my survival mechanisms for that situation are now unhelpful during the day to day. But this is a knee jerk reaction - and I feel absolutely embarassed and scared about who I am; while also drained of any desire for the future because who can compete against their biology? And irrelevant but also not at all; I wish the world had a more open understanding for mental health issues? That it's less I'm not deciding to do something and more I'm trying! I'm trying hard! But when I say I'm trying people say try harder and when I say I'm trying and they say try harder they don't understand that - this is literally science. And it takes practice to get out of this In summary: 🤷‍♀️😔 Update an approx hour later: I feel trapped by my brain, and that the only thing i dont want to do (be difficult to be around) is the one thing I've ended up doing. I am ashamed and I am trying to convince myself that my belief of just leave (whatever situation it may be) to make other's lives easier is just unhelpful. But I'm so ashamed I don't like it at all

**30 Days of Healthy - Day 24** **DBT Education:** 1. I read through the handouts. **PLEASE:** **PL:** I know I need to make appointments this week and still need to make that dentist one. **E:** I did ok Healthy Eating Goals: 1. Multivitamin - Yep! 2. Eat <2000 calories - 1600c 3. Eat protein - chicken 4. Reduce sugar - no in coffee 5. Eat Vegetables/Fruit - no **A:** 17 days without alcohol or cigarettes. I did not have any energy drinks today. **S:** Only got 3 or 3.5 hours sleep. I’m going to remind myself today that I will be emotionally vulnerable as a result of the sleep deprivation. **E:** Skipped **ABC:** **A:** I would like to accumulate positive experiences in specific areas daily. I’m adding in another component of positive experience and that is community service. 1. Habitat - 2. Social - 3. Dread - 4. Service - I continued to talk with the organization I’ll be volunteering with. They had me provide participant requirements. I’m looking forward to this. **B:** To align B with my SMART goals these are the areas I want to build mastery in every day: 1. Piano - I practiced for 5 minutes just to say I did. 2. Career - I had a long day and worked on trying to define my path forward. This is a source of stress for me right now. 3. Physical Fitness - Nope **C:** Nope **Summary:** Yesterday was tough because of some issues going on at work. I’m tired.

tw for ideation (?) does anyone else feel like anxiety is like a death sentence? bc that’s kinda the best way I can describe it rn. It constantly feels like my own mind is trying to kill me and I can’t get it to stop.

I recently found out that I am suffering from both Narcissistic Personality Disorder (Self-hatred) as well as Depersonalization Disorder. Currently I'm seeing both a psychiatrist and psychologist, but neither of them have any experience with these two issues. What should I be looking for, treatment-wise? Are there any specific programs designed to treat these issues? Literally any help is greatly appreciated, I really need it...

I’ve always had problems making friends in school, I was always the kid that sat alone at the lunch table. For some reason I though that after I became an adult it would be easier, but that’s not true. I’m a very shy and reserved person and can’t hold even a simple conversation so I often stumble over my words and just make things awkward. None of my co workers like me, I’ve actually heard them make fun of me several times. It just feels like there’s no end to this.

I asked my mom if my mole was a beauty mark and she said yes then a cancer commercial came up on the radio. I know the universe is trying to tell me something..

The other person can manipulate you super easily, without even wanting to or realizing it. It’s like everything they do is ran through a “psychopath filter” before hitting your brain. And it’s complete with repeatedly trying to go back to the person, despite wanting to “leave this toxic situation”.

I've been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder pretty soon, and since then have done everything about it to "cure" myself. Going to therapy 2x a week, medication, communicating everything clearly, which also meant I had to tell my boyfriend because it didn't feel fair to me to keep it a secret. I barely have any symptoms anymore, and I'm almost at the end of the process of therapy. I'm very proud of myself for this, it took a good while. (also self-harm free since a year!) My mother got diagnosed with cancer a few days ago, and i'm having exams. Past two weeks i mentioned i wouldn't be there that much because of exams, and my partner understood. I would be inside studying and barely going outside apart from work. In the middle of the first week of my exams, my mother got the call back from the hospital that she does have cancer. There is so much emotional stress in my life right now, which i can barely handle without reacting too much, but i'm trying. Past two weeks were the most difficult ones ever. My boyfriend is aware of my mother and exams, but still "punishes" me for not being as joyous as i was before everything. Think about intentionally ignoring me, blaming everything that happens between us on me (us not seeing each other, him not calling me ever, etc.). I have seriously tried to be as happy, but I barely get any support from his side apart from some philosophic sentences like 'sometimes the world is just awful'. Whenever he feels that things don't go his way, he googles about Borderline Personality Disorder, sees the hate posts and confronts me personally with them as if they were written about me. I would be apologizing and he would say; 'it's a good first step you know you're wrong'. I am so upset and tired, I'm really trying and I love him dearly but I just feel so done wrong.

I started dating someone new, and he has told me he is dealing with depression. Despite his inability to see the good in himself, I notice how brilliant he is, I find him attractive, I think he’s emotionally intelligent. I don’t feel an “attachment bond” at this early stage, and we don’t have many established communication norms because this is new, but I do feel fondness and care for him. The past few weeks he’s been pretty standoffish. Bare minimum replies to my bids for engagement (e.g. one line response to a relevant meme or cute cat video 24 hours after I send it). Not initiating any conversation or time together. Responding to my initiations with “sure I’ll see if I can be free next week” without following up. In any other circumstance, I would say to myself, “ok, he’s fading, he’s not interested in you and also not comfortable being upfront about it”. That would be an acceptable outcome. Unfortunately, I can’t decipher if this behavior is actually the result of depression, or whether he is uninterested in me. I’m nervous to ask directly, because he already gets down on himself for “being bad at relationships” and I don’t want to make him feel worse. If it is depression doing this, I can’t assure him with honesty that “I love you and I’ll always be here for you” or anything like that, because everything is so new. But I would want to be patient and not take personally his withdrawal from interacting with me. For those here who have struggled with depression during early dating, if I was your early dating partner, what would you prefer I do?

I've managed my mental health well, and since I took my son full time after my ex and I split, and since started dating someone new, I've lost all my friends. My partner works 12 hours a day and is understandably tired most of the time, he's so supportive but I don't really get much social connection from him on a day to day basis. I've tried to talk to some other parents at my son's school but I don't get far and struggle with social anxiety. I've made some posts on r4r but gotten nowhere or ghosted. It's frustrating because I feel like ive been dealing with everything by myself for years and I don't even have someone I feel I could message to share a meme with. I spend most my days with my dogs / working on the property my boyfriend and I bought last year and without someone to talk to, I just have no motivation everyday. It just feels like what's the point. No one cares what I do. The more time I spend without any friends, the harder I find it to casually interact with other people or try and make friends. I swear I act so normal.

I just felt like coming to this subreddit and saying that I validate ya'll. I'm not saying you need it at all, but rather I validate ya'll bc I WANT to. My mum has BPD, and I'm proud to call her and my dad part of the centre of my world. I literally cry in how much I'm grateful that they've always been there for me as my loving, consistent parents. I rly find the negative stereotypes against BPD really distasteful and exaggerated, and find that they're mainly created by people who cannot see past their own perspective. Yes, I do admit my mum has done some hurtful things. But of course I accept that, and try to understand why she did those things to make it easier. Some people don't understand that compassion for others, especially during times where it's extremely hard to do so, can be all they need to improve as people. My mum immediately became a more stable person IMO when I started talking to her calmly during arguments. Sometimes, to help another, you also have to see what you need to work on which can encourage the other person to do the same as well.

Alone and having a panic attack right now. Came here to feel less alone. Nausea, dizziness, sweaty palms, skin crawling, dry mouth, wicked heartburn. Trying to remind myself that it IS heartburn and not a heart attack. Working on my breathing. I hate this so much.

Hello, so I am 20M. Ever since maybe age 19 or so, I’ve gotten this intense anxiety and fear of death. Not the instant random death like car crashes and things like that. But the slow death that comes as a part of natural life. It’s been giving me this constant existential dilemma and fear that I’ll blink and be 80. Or even worse, reach 40-50 and find out my health is too bad for me to last to my 60’s. I want to find a way to turn this into a way of living a healthier more fulfilling life style, but a mixture of (*who’d have guessed it?*) anxiety, and ADHD have really held back my progress. I’m seriously so terrified of time just passing and passing and passing year after year. I’m scared that one day I will hit my biggest accomplishment, and it’ll be underwhelming, and then I’ll just get older and die. I hope all the time and fantasize about the potential idea of by the time I pass on, hopefully 80-90 or so, they’ll have created a way to implant your consciousness into a robot or video game or something where you can basically live like SIMS with the rest of your family, who will join you after they pass on. I’d give anything for there to be an afterlife where me and my wife and my son and other future kids and grandkids can all just live in a virtual house and spend time together. That’s all I want. I want a way for life to extend beyond death and I’m hoping science will be crazy enough by then to do it. But regardless, I need to figure out how to ease this anxiousness for the present day. Every night I think about how I’m getting older by the minute, and how I’ll never get this time back.

Welp I'm depressed and suicidal as usual Nothing can really change that anyway, not like anyone cares or wants to, I know i definitely can't do anything about it and ever time i try to it just gets worse so pretty much i don't have a choice about how i feel or how alone I am all the time i just want it to be over

I’ve been dealing with severe mental health issues pretty much my whole life and it has negatively effected me and stunted me in many areas including work, school, and socially. I am currently unemployed after losing my job due to being in the psych ward for two weeks in September and I have been trying as hard as I can every single day and I still feel like complete shit. I don’t know what more I can do. I push myself and continue to push and push and push endlessly and I’m so exhausted in every possible way. My body feels heavy and sometimes it’s hard to even make it up the stairs because I’m so sad and depressed and drained. I’m starting to spiral more and more and the most recent spiral never even stopped, it’s all just happening faster now. I got a horrible grade on my midterm in the only class I didn’t drop this semester. It’s a subject I know really well and even that wasn’t enough for me to be able to handle it. I’m ignoring messages from family members because I can’t handle replying and see no point anymore. My therapist says I’m working hard and that she sees that I want to get better but I don’t feel even the slightest bit of hope from that. Even though I know in my heart that I want so badly to not be like this I don’t think it will ever happen. I almost got t-boned on the drivers side by a cop the other day because I zoned out while driving and I’m upset that he missed me. I’m starting to lose my appetite again and I’ve been debating going back to the hospital but my family will be so disappointed and angry with me and will never ever trust me to do anything on my own. I feel disconnected from everything and everyone around me. I feel disconnected from myself most of all and it’s a really scary feeling. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so tired.

So I really like this girl that I work with. We're sort of friends outside of work (not many serious hangouts, been to a couple of dance parties together, went shopping once) and were briefly roomies for a few months, but it's been difficult getting closer to her. I think about her all the time and it's kind of been wearing me out. Like I struggle to think about other things during the day and I get super jealous if she's talking to girls who aren't me. I have to get a new job and have already put in my 2 weeks at my current job and the idea of not getting to see her during the day anymore is breaking my heart a bit and I spend a lot of time worrying about losing touch after I leave. I really want to ask her out (maybe once we are no longer coworkers), but idk if I could handle the blowback if she's not interested. This happening to anyone else?

My dad is on vacation and he called me tonight to talk to me about my day. I was in my bed in the dark, trying to fall asleep and now I can’t sleep. He asked me what I ate for dinner and I said I got this pizza place near our house that I never had before. I told him the name of the place and he didn’t seem to know what I was talking about then I realized the way I was mispronounced it red with a sex toy, I’m not gonna say which one. Then after the phone call I went on maps and saw how I mispronounced it, fuck me. Now I’m worrying, was this call getting recorded, will people know that was me, and will I become a meme for my mispronunciation? I’m a very private person and these little embarrassing moments like these make me wanna kill myself. Fuck my life

My boyfriend of a little over a year broke up with me about 4 hours ago. he was drunk and it kind of came out of nowhere. he told me i needed to move out the next day. he is my FP. i am absolutely distraught. i cannot see myself living without him. i never imagined a life without him in it and i’m spiraling. he can’t leave me. i HAVE to have him in my life. i can’t do this without him. any and all advice would be very appreciated

I find it impossible for me. I’m 25 and obviously suffer from schizophrenia. I feel very ugly and have no idea how to even try. Or possibly some of you date while suffering or know someone who does and maybe it’s just a bad idea in general. I’m depressed that women have never shown interest in me. I’m 25 and a virgin. Plus I have low sex drive. Doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy seeing someone naked. But idk.

im spiraling again. i’m quitting therapy bc i can’t afford it anymore, scared im wasting more money applying to grad school just to get rejected, losing my appitate and energy for hobbies, ive been without a job for two months bc my anxiety and depression make me a zombie, haven’t smoked 🍃 bc i’m waiting on a clinic trail for some new depression meds, slowly going no contact w my family, i just feel like there’s too much change around me and i’m out of place. does anyone have any words of advice or strategies to get out of a rut?

m 26 and i have part time job but i sometimes have to uber and I have my liscense but i do not drive and i barely have  a saving. everytime i try to build it up i have a spending spree habbit ( another isssue). anyways i do not qualify for SS , but im hoping to get medicaid . I am greatful to have a place to stay temporarly but i just want to make it work in the long run for myself and bf. I also have a very hard time staying at a job because of my mental health and learning disabitlies , everyone says im not confident too. I am just so sick of ubering and having to wait several house for my toxic mom to get me and to only dont talk /listen to me 45 min each way. i would be homless if i diddnt have a temp place ot stay .

Hello, I was just wondering if anyone in here has ever heard of clinical lycanthropy. It is a delusion that makes the sufferer believe that they are, or are becoming, a non-human animal, the most common being a wolf. While I have never been officially diagnosed with this, I am almost certain that this would be my diagnosis if my therapist was aware of my false memories and what I see when I look in the mirror. For me, I have a false memory that involves me possibly having killed someone, and I see somewhat lupine features when I look at my reflection. I have suffered with this delusion since I was a child, but as of yet have never been officially diagnosed since I have never told a therapist any of this, despite having been in therapy since I was five. I'm currently 23 and my official diagnosis is psychotic depression. Also, I am female. To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what to do. I'm already on an antipsychotic and two antidepressants, but whenever I look in the mirror I see features that I feel are unusual. My best friend has even commented on one of my more noticeable unusual facial features, which only reinforced my belief that I look different from the average human. I really wish I could tell my therapist so that I could work through what may have caused this. I am almost certain that it is due to some repressed trauma early in my life, but I can never bring myself to tell anyone that could be of any help. I want to know what happened to me to cause this. One reason I haven't told my therapist about these delusions is that I doubt she's heard of clinical lycanthropy, or would know what to do. At this point I'm pretty good at reminding myself that my delusions aren't real, but I wish I could find other people who have experienced something similar. Just for the record, I'm not a furry. I don't want to be like this, and it is in no way sexual.

Everything is so exhausting, even talking to my family feels like so much energy. My stomach has been growling since I woke up but all i’ve eaten in those 9 hours is a slice of pizza, and i couldnt even finish that. I’m wasting away and it feels comforting sometimes but i’m scared of how skinny i’m getting. I’ve already gone down from a jeans size 28 to a size 25 in the last 6 months, and at 5’6 it’s not at all healthy. My body shape has gotten more rectangular and my collarbones are way too visible. Even my family has noticed. What do i do?

But at the same time I've felt awful for the last two years. How are things going to get better. I'm sick of people saying it will get better. It doesn't get better. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough. I have been thinking about suicide but I don't think I'd ever do it. I'm just feeling more and more hopeless.

I’m always aware of my breathing and heart rate. I feel lightheaded/dizzy alot, just kinda out of it feeling. Anxiety definitely makes it worse and is prob the root cause. After a busy day when I get home I literally feel like my body and brain is dying like I’m just gonna collapse, it’s scary. I’ll be really hot, weak, not as coherent, faint. Anyone else ever feel like that?

Sitting in the drive thru of Wendy’s with my ex. My eyes keep picking up on things like the songs played, how he knows all of the songs now, and how we can’t even sing together. Everything I say sounds stupid and I wish I could just stop myself from saying anything. I want to cry but he’s right next to me. I wish I could tell him, but I can’t talk to him anywhere near how I used to. Disco Lemonade is playing and inside I’m crying nonstop. I miss being close to someone, feeling like I could say anything and tell my secrets to. Saved by a phone call I was able to release a tear and slyly wipe it. Luckily I have no desire to self harm. That’s good. I know I said I was okay with everything, but it cuts like a knife. I’m hurting so bad. I want to go somewhere and just be hugged :(

Online classes are killing me. I'm always so stressed out and I keep thinking "what if the teacher calls on me and my Internet/laptop stops working?" "what if my mic doesn't work?" and of course "what if I mess up?". The thing is, I'm good at most subjects yet when I have to answer my brain freezes, my voice gets weird and if I say something wrong I tear up and my voice gets even weirder. My mind goes in a million directions and the teacher wants a straight answer and I'm just all over the place. In languages it's fine, I do all the exercises on the page from the beginning of the class so I know exactly what to say when it's my turn. Buts Maths is hell. We do random exercises so I have to actually think about the answer the moment I'm speaking and I panic so much. So what do I do?

And if you do any tips on how to make it stop

I don't really know how to put that but... After 2 years of preparatory class, I have finally decided to drop off my studies 3 weeks before the end of the school year. It's not the first time I think about doing so but I have never really brought myself to do it, and going for it right now feels really stupid... What got me ready were those final oral exams we have to take. School is now basically full training for these exams and it feels just off. I don't enjoy subjects I would have dedicated my life to in the past and I even came to hate one. I have never hated maths so much before. Lessons are not only boring, they gradually became painful. I can't bear the teacher's behaviour anymore. Going in math class is now constant stress to be tested and long story short, my confidence has only dropped during the past 2 years and I easily feel ashamed of any mistake I can make. The only thing that could keep me going was music. I've been playing the piano for 11 years now, entered a conservatory last year and I decided to make it my career but not even music can make things better. I would usually practice at least 2h per days without complaining and now playing for 30min is exhausting and more importantly, not enjoyable anymore. Every mistake I make is irritating and for the first time I would get angry and hit the keyboard when things don't work. I thought quitting preparatory class would finally give me free time, something we gave up on after starting such studies. I thought I would finally 'come back to life', I would watch lots of movies and animes, finish the pile of books I got for all kind of events, finally practice some sport, keep on writing, so many things I yearned for but no. I just do nothing all day. I come back home. I eat (not even healthy meals anymore), I sleep. And I can't bring myself to do something else. I feel like I failed the beginning of my student life. Preparatory classes don't really allow you to have one, but with covid and stuff, it was even worse. No prom, no parties with classmates and stuff. No successful studies, no famous engineering school to go to in September. I can't even go to the school I wanted to attend because I got rejected for reasons that were out of my control. And it is frustrating... All around me, from my friends and family, I see success and fulfillment and I feel like I'm just being a stain in the background. I don't feel particularly sad. I feel empty I guess. No motivation to do anything. I just cry aimlessly all the time or lay in bed wishing it will go better like it always did... I don't really know if it makes any sense to someone who doesn't have any context, but I felt like unloading all of this would clean up the mess in my brain a little bit...

Hey guys. I’m just here to talk and kind of vent about how I’ve been feeling lately. Today was hard. Lately I’ve had the worst Intrusive thoughts. For some reason for the past few weeks ,off an on, I’ve been panicking about the thought of people leaving me. This isn’t a new fear and I’ve experienced thoughts like this for a long time now. However, it’s been a while since I’ve panicked this hard over it. I recognize that they’re intrusive thoughts, but I can’t get them to subside or stop them from causing me panic. I feel like it’s taking me away from actually enjoying the time I have with the people I care about. Has anyone else experienced thoughts like this? Let me know, it would be very helpful to have someone to relate to:) thanks for reading if you did!

I have a pretty Russian white girl face, I’m smart I make money I cook I am a lover and I’m not clingy. My boyfriends beat me. I’m very smart. I make good money at my tech job. I can’t seem to find a lover who doesn’t hate me. Whether I’m skinny, fat, quiet, talkative. Nothing seems to work. Ugly men, stupid men, man with same hobbies as me, rich men, broke man, handsome man. None want to love me. They all beat me and break me down. All I want is love. I don’t want anything except for someone to love and experience long term love with. I must not be worth it. I tried for too long. I can’t kill myself so I drink to oblivion every day I don’t have to work. I get wasted and watch YouTube alone by myself. I just want a lover to enjoy the quiet nights with me.

I was diagnosed with BPD earlier in the year and have since begun DBT to help cope with it and get better. I have improved a LOT...but now that I'm somewhat out of that dark and irrational clouded bubble I was trapped in, I can't help but feel completely sick with myself thinking about some of the hurtful and manipulative shit I pulled in the past, mainly on my ex boyfriend (whom I was head over heels in love with and refuses to speak to me now) who suffered the most from my BPD behavior. While it's true that he's a recovering drug addict and has pulled his fair share of hurtful shit on me also, it doesn't change the fact I acted outside of my morals and thus I still feel an immense amount of guilt. Ive gone 5 months without attempting to contact him which is UNHEARD OF for me. Since getting help I've had many urges to contact him, apologize, and actually take responsibility for everything I did, but never followed through because 1) I think it's too soon and would just piss him off even more 2) Im afraid of going back to how I was before if he doesn't respond the way I want to, and 3) I feel like giving him space is the best way to show that I'm sorry especially now that he has a gf. At some point later down the road when it's more appropriate I want to verbalize and apology to him, but in the meantime, I've been struggling to forgive myself for everything that happened, and even just for being BPD in the first place. Sometimes I feel like I'm just doomed to be an inherently shitty person. I don't know how to deal with it :( TLDR; how do you keep from hating yourself for things you did in the past? How do you forgive yourself for having BPD and move forward? Thanks everyone

i started going to therapy a few months ago and couldn’t even stick around long enough for a complete diagnosis… sometimes the overwhelming sadness is so much that it physically pains me to move and leave my home. i felt like i was burdening the therapist with my absurd problems. the only thing keeping me from killing myself is the fact that my family is poor.. how could i ever leave them with the burden of a funeral? i’m lost. i’ve begun obsessing over the death of certain artists.

i just can’t take it anymore, i no longer have the will to live.

I 29f am suppose to be starting my new job today after nearly 2 years without one & I just can’t do it. I’ve been in a state of panic for the last 6 hours & I can’t calm myself. I’m alone & I have no one to talk to anymore. It’s sending me into a spiral & my fear is so great that I would rather end my life now than attempt to go. I feel like no one understands me & that I’m just becoming a burden. I fear this will be breaking point for my partner & he will leave me. I just want the world to stop, I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I’m so unbelievably tired. Tired of being useless & a disappointment & not living up to who I once was. I feel like everyone would be better off without me.

I struggle with anxiety but luckily it doesn’t control my life. My little brother on the other end has it so bad that he can barely function. He’s 12. He gets so anxious over the stupidest stuff that it gets me extremely frustrated and upset when I try to go anywhere with him. If I don’t have a charger on me at all times he panicked because what would happen of my phone dies?? He obsesses over things to the point where it’s impossible to go anywhere with him. He also has major OCD so the two combines are deadly for those around him. I have a minor case of OCD myself but I’ve managed to control it and learn to not let things bother me and stuff. Everyone is different and his cases are severe. Does anyone have any ideas for me? I’ve tried being patient but I’m at my whits end. He will not let anything go until we do what he wants. When we go anywhere he brings a massive shopping bag of all his stuff because he needs to be near his stuff at all times. It’s exhausting. I can’t anymore. I need ideas

I (female 30s) have recently noticed the worst relationships I’ve ever had in my life were with dismissive avoidants. This happens because I rarely take the time to truly evaluate what I want and set boundaries before trusting and getting attached. I would get into a relationship with an awesome guy who changes after 3 mos and I start getting accused of being needy and clingy simply for wanting things to continue (dates, texts). I learned this hard lesson now that as a woman I actually have a choice on who to date and spend my time with. The dismissives I met became full strength maximum level narcissists and I still stayed with them. Sometimes I feel like I’m in a daze realizing that I am in a bad relationship and that I need to end this again ..soon.

This is a lot, and I am mobile so please excuse me for the odd formatting. Vent thing, I don't quite know. I'm bodily 19. Typing this just to get things out but feel free to comment if you'd like. Hoping others here may understand. Medically recognised to have DID, have ASD, anxiety, cPTSD and other ailments. Psychologist strongly suggests Schizophrenia, a cluster A personality disorder, and other psychotic disorders. We were previously diagnosed with psychotic depression, and she said it didn't seem likely given how I was presenting, and said I was actively in a psychotic episode but I don't think I have the insight to say how. All of this is just really confusing to me, and having a sense of self with this alongside other things like a dissociative disorder that make it so hard to have one makes it even more frustrating. My brain constantly feels like it's jumbled, and I feel like I'm on the verge of slipping from what little sense of "myself" that I have if I don't do something, anything, to keep it. I used to think I was having manic episodes, as I constantly have episodes of irritation, like my brain isn't shutting off and I feel like everything and nothing at the same time, and I need no sleep. Our therapist (who is now leaving in a week) said she thought that may possibly be due to psychosis related things and not mania, but it seems everyone who deals with us has a hard time figuring things us out. My sense of self feels as though it comes in a barely coherent string of confusing words, trauma responses, and being a paradox and contradictive. I'm really tired of having episodes where I feel like I have all the energy in the world and can do anything because a lot of irritation and fleeting thoughts come with that, alongside psychosis things. I frequently have been having episodes where I think I am God, or the reincarnation of God, or Jesus and it makes me nervous because everything related to anything like this seems to be getting worse. There are smaller things I've been having again like seeing bugs move around on walls. I have a hard time leaving house due to social anxiety, but also have the intense fear that people are staring at me, and it is overwhelming. I can physically feel a difference when I am inside vs out. It is less of the fear that others are judging me, and more that they are watching my every move and I can't do anything to escape it but stay inside, and I don't want to be in a situation where I can't leave. I stayed in the house for 7 months around 16 before we got put in placement, and the therapist there was worried it was agoraphobia but I can't tell. When I hear things externally (not relating to DID), it seems to block out whatever I am actually hearing and it makes it harder to tell if it's actually real or not. I usually think I've had a conversation with someone or heard them talking to me and I've been listening, only for that to not be the case and it was all in my head. I have a hard time differentiating between what is real or not, and I feel so odd all of the time. I don't think I'm ever going to understand myself many days, let alone others understand me. I constantly feel like I am opposing myself for many reasons, DID and being a subsystem being one of them, but also the general confusion and not being able to trust myself to judge things because I'm so lost constantly. I know everything and yet I know nothing at the same time. I have background processes that work in my brain, and yet there is nothing ever going on the minute I get too close and it all warps around me and my entire perception of things get messed up. The times my hallucinations get worse is when I am on the stairs, due to being an introject of a fictional character, but also even before how badly things got when on there. I see people there and they usually say really nasty and horrible things, making me feel guilty and I am constantly horrified that I am going to get dragged down them by something or I'm going to miss my step and fall because of how paranoid I am about them. I always intensely think about how I'm going to escape in case an intruder were to enter, always, and leave my window open a bit just to make it easier in case it does happen. I have delusional misidentificstions (being an introject is NOT the same, to preface.)to a few people, and had a really bad one on call with my partner and it really freaked me out, and think it triggered them a bit too. It was bad, and I think I completely lost touch with reality there. I didn't recognise the room, or where I am, or my partner and I constantly felt like I was "back there" in the world I was "originally" from and kept seeing it overlayed with everything else. I feel like I'm just going to keep getting worse, and I don't know how to fix any of it because of how intertwined everything is with everything else, and even then, I have no idea who I am. I've been having more frequent episodes relating to misidentifications, and they just keep getting worse and worse. I feel like I am losing my mind, and I am on the constant verge of shutting down and just ending up being nonverbal for a longer time than usual because of how intense things are. No one else in our system seems to really deal with things like psychosis and paranoid thinking as intensely, and it's counterproductive to me given I am the host so I don't understand why I have to hold all of this. My thoughts feel jumbled and I feel like I'm just going to keep getting worse and nothing is ever going to make sense.

I’m kind of an empath and deal with my emotions and others emotions (tone of voice, body language, and so on) differently than those around me. I’ve read a lot of things on how others feel the same or have the same problems as me but I don’t see a lot on how to deal with it. I just recently started working in an office that’s high stress and tense most of the time. (I really needed the money) This type of environment puts a lot of stress on me and I don’t really know how to take their tense and aggressive energy and not be offended or cowardly towards them. Does anyone else have these problems or a way to deal with this? I mean besides medication or something I’m at a complete loss.

I have been feeling angry a lot lately, over little things, but also over what I believe to be reasonable things, but this anger always seems to get out of control (I often end up turning it towards myself). Does anybody have any tricks to deal with that? Thanks in advance

My doctor is switching me from Prozac and she gave these two options. I have sleep anxiety and agoraphobia, as well a panic disorder. How were the first weeks for you? How about the sleep?

I'm tired. I'm done. I'm going to just get things over with instead of letting myself die inside more as time goes on. Might as well go out on my terms, right?

*** I recently stopped bisoprolol after tapering last week. Next appointment would be after 2 weeks....

I turned 25 recently but I still feel like I’m 17. I honestly can’t tell where the time has gone. I can’t function in this world. I’m ill all the time with headaches and bodily pain, I’m also moody, suicidal, angry one day and clinically depressed another, never had a friend in my life, never had a job, never been in a relationship, I come from a really poor family while living in a really expensive city, been homeless and I’m transgender. Seriously, my life is fucking retarded. I can’t do anything and no medication and no kind of therapy has helped after 5 years. The only thing that I’ve stopped was the self harm but that only stopped after I transitioned. It’s great that I transitioned and I have no regret but transitioning also comes with a lot more consequences. I fucking hate my life. I don’t know what to do. I want to kill myself everyday.

So...I was diagnosed with BPD like two years ago. I've been in treatment for seven years now (I'm 27), but they called it depression at first. I actually think BPD is more accurate to my general state. I've been all this time taking antidepressants, and they work really well for me, but sometimes...I think I miss it? Antidepressants make me feel a bit numb, like I can't reach proper emotions when proper motives arise. Now I have a higher dose so it's worst. It's a bit fucked up, but I actually miss my super intense emotions. I miss exploding with euphoria, even when it hurts, and I kinda miss being so sad I wanna die. Also, my psychiatrist augmented my medication because I tend to dissociate when I have anxiety. And I miss that too! Dissociation is dangerous and terrifying, but also so liberating. It made me feel like nothing matters and that I can do whatever. Sometimes I think I just miss all this things because they gave me an excuse to not behave apropiately. Someone else having this feelings? Should I feel bad for not appreciating having such a good response to antidepressants?

so i was listening to i was all over her by salvia palth bcuz i got it in my youtube recs and thought to myself “i’m going to make myself sad tonight.” once i started listening to it i started to see a funeral around me and a voice saying that this will be my grieving sound if my gf dies any time soon. i then dissociated so hard that i felt like someone was controlling me through radio waves because i kept hearing static and station flipping. this is basically a vent post, but i’m also struggling with ways to ground myself rn, so anything helps

I struggle a lot with my husbnd anxiety. I am far from being an anxious person. I have difficulties understanding feeling fear for improbable scenarios. My husband's anxiety is related a lot to his health. For example, if one night, he has trouble sleeping, he will spiraled into thinking he has a sleeping disorder that will forever impede him from sleeping, holding his job therefore becoming homeless, etc. He has a sore throat, therefore he has catch Covid and will soon die. This year, he suffered a concussion and had mild symptoms for some weeks. It was difficult since we had a new baby and a toddler to care for. Since then, everytime he feels tired, which is everyday when you are a parent, he will spiral into thinking that the slight movement he made has created a concussion, and that he will become mentally impaired, etc. I have grown so tired hearing about it, trying to reassure him that turning your head too fast won't cause a concussion, taking care of our children while he naps his concussion away. I know it is hard for him, I know that he doesn't want to feel that way, but I am at my wits end. He started a new therapy with a new psy (4th in 4 years) but I am eager to see results. I don't see him making efforts but maybe I don't know what efforts for anxiety are? I suggested trying CBD oil. He tried once, didn't see any difference, never tried again. I suggested consulting a sleep disorder therapist to see if he sleeps well. Nothing. He never seems to read the books his psy suggests and only try therapy if I beg him too. I am probably a bitch for all of you. But is my husband really trying to be better? He is using me a lot to reassure himself but I don't want to be a crutch. I want him to be able to do that for himself. Sorry for the rant. I truly love this man. How can I help him?

I don't want this life anymore. I never wanted to be person that I am right now. But yet I am. I never wanted all this emotional trauma. But I have it. I just want to run away and just disappear from the face of the planet. Anyone else feel this way?

hello. i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder very recently and i was wondering if i can still take my protein shakes along with my meds (depakote)? my psychiatrist actually told me that depakote is quite heavy on the liver and that worries me because protein shakes are also heavy on the liver. if anyone knows anything about this i would greatly appreciate it!

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I'm having a hard time making new friends. Well, I met up with someone I met online and it didn't go horribly. I don't plan on hanging out with this person in the future as she had a very uneducated opinion on mental health that was mentioned in passing. I noticed that I had to be extremely vague while in conversation because BPD effects every aspect of my life and I didn't feel she'd understand and I didn't want to be judged. Now I'm really afraid of making friends. I'm "crazy". I feel like I have no identity outside of being mentally ill. I feel like most people wouldn't understand, and that I'll really never have friends. This keeps snowballing more and more and more and becomes a "what's the point of living" thought process. How have you started a new friendship? Any tips? I'm not ashamed of myself, but I don't exactly want to blurt out that I have BPD, you know?

I have my 2 n half year old to think of and my (very few) family members and my boyfriend. But I don't want to be here any more. It's too much! Voices are being dicks and had a "fall out" with my little alterish (not diagnosed DID but I am BPD/Bipolar tendencies) I cut alot atm... every time I do i feel great about the amount of blood and just let it... drip Feel so angry at things and don't wanna "talk" about ME at any time coz I ain't damn worth it. Feel like I have 0 friends that care. Idk if I even want them to care tbh. I hear nothing from them anyway bar 1 or 2 and they live miles and miles away! I love my son I really do but does he really want a mum like me?? What's gonna happen when he is older and my little alters comes out to play he's gonna think I'm nuts and if he says anything at school he's just gonna be bullied :( I want a better life for him and I wanna try and just keep things at bay but I have NO CONTROL over anything. I can't stop thinkingabout the past. My childhood was awful and I miss my sibling but I'm not aloud to see them or talk to them. I keep remembering things about what my step dad did... it's horrible :( all I wanna do is cry and stay in bed and just rot. I hate going out doors. I keep thinking when I get my licence back I will feel better... But what if I don't? And just stay in this hatred for the world. Just wanna leave but still be there for my son and still love him and not miss him.

No one knows I can end this at any time. It is very tempting. I might just do it.

Following very traumatic events I developed a very strong generalized form of anxiety which results in panic attacks and physical ailments. I have tried with antidepressants for a long time but I have not gotten any benefits. Benzodiazepines taken in fairly large doses did not help. I have taken antipsychotics such as quetiapine, abilify, zyprexa the last 2 have taken me out of the state of anguish in which I live but the anxiety has remained unchanged. I don't really know what to do. Any advice is welcome

This was 4 weeks ago, and the barber cut the back of my neck a few times when shaving the hair off the back of it. I went straight home and washed it and there was a bit of redness that’s it. I was developing a cold a few days later and had a lack of energy for a day or two where I didn’t want to do anything, but my temperature was fine. I’m just worried about developing something later, is this something to worry about? I also have health anxiety so

I've been going through a breakup for almost 3 months now. And it's been really difficult. When I was with my ex, I had met some girls he was friends with and we became really close. They were never super close with him, just their boyfriends were really. Anyways, when we broke up I was really sad I wasn't gonna be able to hang with two girls I thought I had become pretty good friends with. I brought this up to them and they both assured me that even though me and ex were no longer together, that we could still be friends and it was okay. We all kind of work opposite schedules and I have seen them here and there...but I feel it's been less and less. I've heard from some people that my ex has been saying some shitty stuff about me, and I'm worried he is saying stuff to them about me too. Now, I realize I did meet them through him, so i can't expect everything to stay the same after our breakup. But, as I mentioned before, they weren't super close with him persay, just had like mutual friends and my one friends boyfriend tattoos him sometimes. I saw one of the girls last week and we got drinks and I kind of expressed my concern about this to her, again. She said she hasn't personally seen my ex since we broke up, and hasn't heard him say anything about me, but either way it wouldn't effect her because I'm her friend and that won't change. I want to believe her, but I am worried it's not true and she's just trying to be nice because she doesn't know how to tell me she doesn't like me anymore either. Then I feel bad for second guessing her. Why am I like this! I've been trying to text her and she hasn't responded to my last two messages that I sent over the period of a week. But then I'll see her hanging out with the other girl on instagram and I wonder why I wasn't invited. I realize I should probably just let it go, and that I can also be overly needy. But I guess I just really thought I had made a best friend and I don't have many to begin with. She was there for me when the breakup first happened and even let me stay at her house because I was too much of a mess to drive. But I'm worried since then that my ex has said terrible things about me to make her stop being my friend because, well, he's a jerk. I can't tell if I'm being paranoid, or maybe she is trying to slowly fizzle out her contact with me. I want to say something, but I've already brought it up before and don't want to be annoying. I'm not really sure what to do about it I guess. Any suggestions? Does anyone else get paranoid about stuff like this? Is it warranted?

I don’t deserve love I don’t deserve happiness I’m supposed to be lonely and suffer. If I can muster up the courage to cut my dick and balls off, I can stop thinking about women and finally become a productive member of society.

over and over and over again, the same self pity through guilt, in a constant cycle

I just think that if it's your life, you should be able to take it. Everyone else thinks that it's weak/selfish, though, 'cause you're not considering others' feelings, but others don't have the slightest idea what it takes to drive another person to want to kts. For example, family and friends are the biggest argument. Friends aren't present in someone's life most of the time. Unless it's a best friends thing, but still, even they have to go home at the end of the day and deal with their own life situation that the other person is ignorant and oblivious to. If you don't know 100% of someone's full life story, you have no say in whether or not suicide is reasonable. Obviously, if someone is contemplating this, then they clearly are trying to eliminate a pretty huge problem that can't just be brought up casually. Literally no one becomes suicidal over minor inconveniences. So, when someone says it's weak, they're just assuming the reasons are minor and don't even know 1% of what someone had to go through. And family. Most people use this as the number one reason 'cause they're completely oblivious to the fact that this isn't a perfect world and not everyone has a picture perfect family, like they clearly have. They can't understand that just because their family would be devastated, doesn't mean everyone on this planet's family would have the same reaction. I fully support suicide prevention, I think it should be the 100% last resort for someone even under extreme cases, but I'm done with the victim blaming and society making out suicidal people to be weak, selfish a$$holes just because they've reached their last resort.

Bro my life has been so horrible it's unpleasant it pisses me off and makes me very sad Since my life is just waking up, having breakfast, going to school, studying, coming home, having lunch, studying, sleeping, dinner is sleeping again It's this cycle that always repeats I have friends but they don't even care about me I don't even know why I consider them friends It's my family it's just me my mother and two brothers and I don't have uncles I don't know why I'm the middle child it's my mother I feel like she hates me because it was because of me that I made my mother my father divorced since I found out about my father I I was having an affair with a woman I don't even know and since then I never spoke to my father again, my mother often even treats me badly, verbally and physically attacking me and I can't hit her because she is my mother and my brothers are the only ones that i consider friends because they care about my existence but they are very reserved many times they even lock themselves in their room But these last few months I have a great idea of ​​running away from home is to end up leaving the city to have a new life Yes people I have money I can survive a whole month and I know it's hard to get a job but I'm willing to leave this miserable life But for now it's just an idea that I still don't have the courage to do and I also don't want to leave my brothers because I'm afraid to leave them. What should I do Leaving everything is starting a new life or continue as is?

I'm just so tired of it. The amount of time I spend working and not even getting paid appropriately for it. The little freetime I have to net even be able to pursue one of my dreams/hobbies. All the responsibilities I'm obliged to. All the overthinking for every choice in my life. I just want to be a kid again. Go out to school, do my thing, go home and be happy gaming or going out with friends. I wasn't worried about anything so I just did it. Now I can't even imagine how it is going outside "looking" for friends. I literally don't know how to do that anymore and even if I did, I'd be so depressed no one would want to hang out more than once. Damn how badly I wish to be able to go back in time.. love to you all, may you find happiness in life

I definitely am as my friends don’t know. These are new friends that weren’t around during my last mental break so they haven’t seen me at my worst. We have had conversations about mental illness and I never brought it up. I think they’ll start making fun of me if they don’t already and I can’t handle that.

24 y/o female Bipolar I psychosis. I had nearly 50 bilateral ECT sessions in 2020 and have lost the majority of my life memories, find it hard to create new memories and retain them, and have little to no executive functioning. i feel like no one takes me seriously but this has been my reality for nearly three years. can someone please confirm that this is possible to happen, and any suggestions how i can live with it?

Shit it will take me hours to write this cuz im deleting and writing. I feel like everyone around me know how to act normal and not act and then think. Like everyone around me grew up and I'm stuck at my teen-age years. Since I was 14 after I got to sucidal and hospitalized for 8 months. I was around people like me I was talking about my problems normally without hiding. All my friends is from special school and with problems. I recently got a job where I live far from home And with people who are not like me I guess you can call them normal society And the problem is I told something to someone and someone said to me I shouldn't have said that and if someone finds out I could get fired. (It's btw already been taken care of) So after some background my question is how do you hide what you have? What do you do tell and what do you hide? I feel like so shitty about myself after I act and regret what I do. How do you know to stop what you're doing and how do you know it's wrong? If you answer to one of the questions thank you.

In the past >1 year it's become a common reaction for me when I'm extremely stressed. Usually it happens when I'm alone and my mind isn't actively focused on something. At first I would catch myself doing it instantly and stop but now I barely even notice myself doing it and I'm doing it more frequently for longer amounts of time. I guess it's a way of self-soothing but it feels like a strange thing to do and I'm starting to feel more embarrassed about it. Does anyone else do this?

Ps also diagnosed as bipolar I know it increases mania I only get hypo mania but what if you paired it with seroquel

So since beginning of 2017 i spent time in my room alone when there was too much drama in the ending months of 2016 and it triggered me into complete isolation. I spent most of 2017-2018 (like 85%) indoors & lost most of my social invited and all my friendships deteriorated as i started neglecting them. I have a “friends giving” dinner tonight and i’m terrified because i have to be around people... im so scared... i know everyone means well to me and wants me to go out but i also know they know i always struggle with anxiety and depression and mental health in general ... I have been known to flake out last minute and be super indecisive these two years and its all my fault. I’m just anxious & i need support plz !

I'm a 24 year old man in New York City and I've always had issues with anxiety and depression. I thought I had been managing relatively OK through talk therapy and exercise over the past few years, including during the pandemic, but now I'm really in a conundrum. I'd been prescribed Klonopin three times over the course of my life - once when the lockdown started; about 18 months later when I was having severe panic attacks and insomnia, and again now after my psychiatrist said that the level of anxiety I feel is unusually high compared to his other patients/GAD patients in general. So he wrote me another script for klonopin, to take as needed no more than twice a week. (A bit of context here: I developed a rare but (at one point) debilitating neurological disorder after taking ecstasy for the first and only time three years ago. To this day I still suffer from migraines, visual damage, and nerve pain. But the first time I tried clonazepam, the layer of static over my vision lifted and I could see perfectly as before, at least until the drug worse off. But when I was on it again the next year briefly, I never noticed the same effect). I was prescribed it again this week and I'm worried I'm abusing it/becoming dependent. Over the past 24 hours I've taken about 2.5 mg (instructions on bottle = 0.5 per day) and I started to notice some (imperfect) improvement to my visual damage. I'm also extremely calm, but vaguely disoriented and my mom said that I sounded spaced out over the phone. I can't take any more because I have an interview tomorrow (not for a real job but a volunteer position), and I need to make my supply last for when I truly need it. So I just don't know what to do. The past two years have been the worst of my life, and I feel like being vaguely sedated like on klonopin is the only way it's been tolerable. I also want to find out if it's possible for it to fix my vision damage, but I would obviously consult my neurologist rather than keep guessing on my own. But yeah, I don't know how I'm going to function knowing that such relief is getting taken away tomorrow and for a while when I have to stop taking it. I have major health anxiety, so every single "even mild covid does xyz to your xyz organ and will put you on he track towards xyz terrifying condition") article makes me physically ill. Plus my grad program (journalism) has been a nightmare - I absolutely cannot go out reporting on the streets unless I'm at least under some chemical influence. My extreme and extremely physical social anxiety has made this master's program a living hell for me, and my extreme anxiety is putting me way behind my classmates, and I've never been a bad student in my life! My psychiatrist and parents want me to try SSRIs or SNRIs again, but they killed my libido for 2 years even after discontinuation and I still don't fully have my sexual functioning back to normal (it's almost there though). I tried buspirone but I did not tolerate it well at all and had to stop. I feel like I'm running out of options and don't know how I'll make it. Since the false end of the pandemic last summer I've just been completely drained of all hope for the future and I feel like klonopin is the only thing that helps me resign myself to that. I almost want to cry I'm so sad that I'm going to have to go back to feeling like that again.

I suffer from general anxiety and this is exacerbated when I'm in a performance situation like at an interview. I rely on alcohol to give me the confidence to perform, helping me be better (more sociable, and open person), it's certainly an issue when I need it for social oriented settings like meetings. I work in a technical area but occasionally have to conduct meetings and presentations. I used to be described various anxiety medication but it always came with several severe side effects, including loss of balance and it never gave me the same effect of 3-4 shots of alcohol when I'm needed to perform. Can anybody advise if CBT therapy can help me, and how many sessions it will likely take to alter my thought process?

i just started a retail job where i'm a sales associate. i completed training and shadowed a few workers as well as checking out customers myself. overall it went well, but i'm constantly anxious even outside of work. all i can think about is how exhausting it was for me mentally and how i'm just gonna keep messing up. i have to work 8hr shifts 5days a week though, and i'm dreading it. i feel incredibly nauseous and borderline crying. i JUST want to relax. i don't know how i'm gonna get through this, i just feel like quitting. :((

Just feel light as air and excited and something positive takes place of whatever sadness and void was there before. Really like this guy. let's see how long it takes before it crashes and burns because that's the life I live :) :) :) Neato

Recently I met a very lovely girl and within a few hours of knowing each other she revealed to me she was diagnosed with BPD. She told me a bit about herself and I was shocked at our similarities, like how she dropped out of school because she wasn't able to cope with leaving home, spiraled a bit and was then diagnosed with BPD. Basically the same thing I went through, though I am older than her. We have been talking back and forth for about two days now and I enjoy it, I enjoy having someone who understand exactly what I mean/think and who can put herself in my shoes and truly empathize with my experiences. However, I am concerned because she told me she has not been to therapy because she feels like professionals don't "get her". ​ In your opinion, is a friendship (and possibly more) something that is feasible between two people diagnosed with BPD? Would we get along or mutually destroy each other? I am more concerned about her and her untreated BPD.

does anyone have any tips on getting over breakups while having BPD and anxiety? My very toxic 6 year long relationship ended a year ago and he has been dating his new gf all most a year. He seems to love her more than he loved me and is always posting her on his instagram. He did this with me for 2 years but then started cheating on me all the time. I try not to look but i cant help it. I stopped looking at his socials for 5 months and for those 5 months i was fine and i randomly decided to look and i literally feel sick to my stomach and f\*cked up now. With bpd heartbreak literally feels like my body is on fire and like i wont be able to survive this. Blocking online isnt too hard but i also have a constant fear of running into them everywhere that prevents me from living my life. does anyone have any tips?

I'm not though. I wish I could be sometimes. That would mean I was in control. I was going to say of the ťhe trainwreck, but that seemed a bit theatrical. I actually appear normal usually.

Suicidal doors, call it Kurt Cobain Suwu leather seats, like a bloody stain I need hella base, I need hella pain You gon' wanna cry, I'ma make it rain Suicidal doors, call it Kurt Cobain Suwu leather seats, like a bloody stain I need hella base, I need hella pain You gon' wanna cry, I'ma make it rain

I plan to talk to him more about my symptoms but how else can I imply that that’s a bad idea and that perhaps I need to take one of those genetic tests to see which meds work for me first?

I recently just finished a nice hypomanic bender this week. Impulsive, super happy, engaging in dangerous behaviors. I didn’t mean to not take my meds but once I past the time to take them I just said f it and kept it on pushing. Now, I have no money, I’m depressed, and feel totally worthless. I’ve barely slept all week(being hypo) but now I’m supposed to start work tomorrow and I’m exhausted. Bipolar is exhausting.

Okay, just to give a small break down of what I've been going through the past 2 years May to December 2019 - had insurance problems and couldn't get tested until December, but test came back negative. Gave me pretty bad anxiety Feb 2020 - heart palpitatuon that made me dizzy and lightheaded. Test were negative but anxiety got worst Feb 2021 - irregular heartbeat with resting heart rate of about 130. Test were negative but still had anxiety April 2021 to now -stomach pain that came out positive for H PYLORI, but may have affected my stomach after treatment July 2021 to now - possibly urinary tract infection All of this shit that keeps happening to is ruining my life. I can't look for another job, because i want to take advantage of my current health insurance and check out all my health issues. Problem is I keep having one health issue after another and it's fucking driving me crazy

it’s my 20th birthday and i’m sitting here as pathetic as ever sobbing my eyes out because my fp hasn’t wished me happy birthday. it’s ridiculous, i went out with family and friends who bought me things and did their best to make me feel loved yet all i can focus on is how my fp hasn’t wished me happy birthday. we haven’t talked since february so i don’t know what i was expecting, but we have a mutual friend so i was at least hoping he would tell her to tell me happy birthday. i miss him so much but it especially sucks today. all i can think about is how special he made my birthday last year and how he can’t even wish me happy birthday this year. i’m nothing without him. i wish i never would’ve made it to 20. my friends all tell me to enjoy my day and get over it but it isn’t that easy, i feel worthless and broken. he was my everything.

Seriously. People think I'm a disgusting monster because of my illness. I can't stand the shit they say both irl and on other subreddits (which I wont name). The shit they say actually really hurts. According to them I will hurt everyone I love, cheat, lie, steal, be a whore, and physically abuse those I love. Even my mother thinks I could become abusive. She told me to my face that she's watching for signs of abuse from me. I'm not some monster but everyone else seems to disagree. Even books like Stop Walking On Eggshells, a book recommended to my family BY MY THERAPIST supports abusing people with bpd because "they are abusive". The logic is supposedly "they abuse us so we should abuse them back!!! Hit them!!!" In the first chapter of the book, the first few pages, it has a list called 'signs of abuse' and says "if your loved one fits into most of these, chances are they have bpd!" The book is disgusting and people with bpd have actually come forward and said it hurt them/upped the stigma/caused them to be fucking abused. I've read a bit but I couldn't get far without feeling upset. There's a whole masterpost on it and a free pdf online. I get that some people have been hurt but they use that to put everyone with bpd into the box of 'abusive cheater'. I can't stand it.

Hi everyone! I have a question weather this is anxiety, growing up or just boredom? Im 22yo, living with my boyfriend for 2years now. Am waiting to go to work and school for 2months now cause of lockdown. I have been feeling strange for the past month or two. Anxious and panicking for no reason. Until now I always enjoyed watching movies all day, be on my phone, do minimal housework but now I can’t stand still im always tiding things up, cleaning something, i don’t even turn tv on. I have always enjoyed time alone for myself cause im introvert. But now I want to do things. If i lay on couch i get anxious and i have to move to get rid of that feeling. Maybe is this a good thing to get things done but I really don’t know what is happening why am i feeling this way?

Hi all, I'm looking for some help understanding my fatigue caused by my depression. I'm a 33 year old male from Australia. I've had depression my whole life in bits and pieces but after the passing of my Mum in 2019 it got a bit worse and I'm just trying to get better bit by bit. I'm in therapy (have been on and off for almost a decade) and I'm on 50mg of Zoloft (Sertraline) that I've been on for just over a year I think? I'm struggling with major fatigue, tiredness and malaise and would like to get some feedback from other people suffering from depression as to what the cause and treatment might be. Medically - I'm fine. I have had multiple blood tests - no vitamin or mineral deficiencies and I don't think I have chronic fatigue (I've chatted with multiple doctors and it doesn't suit my symptoms, plus rest does help with my tiredness). I used to work long hours, do lots of side activities and workout regularly. Occasionally study in between that. I recently bought my first home and rather than being a source of joy I'm too tired to do all the things I'd like to. Now most days I find myself exhausted by regular tasks. I find I need to sleep for 2-4 hours in the afternoon. If I push myself too far I literally send myself to bed, headaches and just brain fog are the results if I push too hard. Once I rest I'm better but only temporarily. It's like my ability to recharge my batteries is gone and I'm only able to recharge to 40% rather than 100%. I feel a lot of guilt and shame about my fatigue. I'm young, reasonably healthy and am currently not working due to intermittent family care responsibilities. People around me do so much more with their day but since the death of my mother I am just. so. tired. Lately I've gained weight due to a combination of poor eating habits, lack of exercise and metabolism age. I've heard that perhaps Zoloft can cause weight gain but my doctors haven't substantiated this. My doctors and therapists have told me to listen to my body and when I'm tired, rest. Frustratingly this works but my quality of life isn't the best. I'm finding it hard to know when I need to push out my comfort zone and when I'm over-doing it. I love to bake, decorate my home, host dinner parties, garden, organise things - now these all feel like horrible chores I can't bear. I understand this is depression. I try hard to push through it occasionally in hopes a switch will flip. In the long term I need to find better ways for my emotional needs to be met. I'm working on that with myself and my therapist. However, in the short term I'm stuck in this cycle of 'I'm exhausted, I can't do anything, my depression worsens, my depression makes me exhausted, I'm exhausted...' My friends are lovely but neurotypical or have different expectations for their lives. Could others please illuminate me on their experience with tiredness and how they manage their expectations for themselves? Could the Zoloft be affecting my fatigue? I was briefly on 100mg (about 3 months) but that was "I need to go to bed RIGHT now" tired, since I slowly went down to 50mg again it's improved but the tiredness feels different. I'll be honest I get a bit snarky about common depression treatments like mindfulness but I need to stop being so negative, would anyone have ANY recommendations for treatment? I'd like to feel that I'm not alone in these symptoms, if they're common or uncommon and how I should better manage them. Thank you for your patience and kindness.

I dont want to live here, anymore. The city has always been violent, but it's spreading to areas I never would have imagined. Shootings are literally a daily event, and I'm woken up by gunshots regularly in a neighborhood that never had these problems. I don't consider myself soft, lived in areas where you needed street smarts all my life and can handle myself, but why live like this? I can't wrap my head around the random shootouts, someone trying to kill someone else over road rage or some high school BS. It's literally constant, now. I'm an extremely polite person, and I just do not belong here anymore. I rarely leave the house and it's hard to enjoy things when I do go out. I feel like I'd fit in very well in places like Iceland, Denmark or Canada, but imigrating to these places is difficult. I'm just so over the insanity.

Please read this to the end and share your thoughts. Firstly, I am aware you’re not professionals. I’m sharing what I feel in hopes of finding people who are diagnosed and who experience/d these symptoms, so that I can learn more about it. If I could afford a psychiatrist, therapist or go see a counselor (my school doesn’t have one) I would. I just want to know what I could possibly have, so please don’t tell me to look for professional help for the time being as it’s NOT available. I’m a 17 year old girl, I don’t smoke, drink or do any delinquent activities, and I’ve never been to therapy or been diagnosed with a mental illness before. My mom had severe OCD though. For the past 2 years, I’ve been feeling like people (who I don’t personally know, could be celebrities or people I used to like or just random people in general) are watching me at home when I’m by myself or with my family, and judging me for the most simple actions and tasks and daily necessities: Going to the toilet? Gross. Preparing a meal? You’re doing it the wrong way. Praying? Ridiculous (?) Dressing in a certain way? What the hell are you wearing. Taking a selfie? You’re dumb, you look foolish. Listening to music? Your taste sucks. Reading a certain book (on wattpad)? What are you, 9? They basically ridicule literally everything I do. I don’t hear them or see them. I don’t feel like they’re speaking either. I only imagine them in ly head, I’m aware of that, except I can’y stop acting weird “around them”. I started doing some some extremely normal stuff in the dark (like going to the toilet with lights off) so that they can’t see me. I’m worried about what they think or that they’re laughing at me to the point that I don’t even enjoy stuff I used to. And I even started talking to myself as if I was making clarifications and justifications to them regarding what I’m doing. For example, I could say “Ew, that’s really gross.” which will match what *they think of me* therefore they’d think it’s out of my control and won’t judge me for it. I was literally just doing the dishes in nothing but a very dim light. *Doing the dishes.* Also, I don’t think these are exactly hallucinations but I sometimes see shadows with the corner of my eye, but I think it’s just as normal as mistaking a pile of clothes for a ghost. —— Those are details that I feel like I would list if I had a therapist: I have violent mood swings that occur very often in a day, could be each 6 hours or each 30 minutes. Maybe even every 2 days. Nothing triggers these mood swings though. These mood swings do not result in me harming myself in any way, however. I also randomly switch from feeling very hyperactive to having no motivation whatsoever. I forget very, very often that I have to write down things on my hand or pieces of paper to remember them. Also, I thought I’d say this because maybe it could be my potential mental disorder manifesting itself: I used to create fake profiles for no malicious intentions whatsoever, except to make friends and experiencing what life would be like if I was that person, as I’ve endured a long history of bullying from my own family and friends. It’s a form of escapism. I don’t think I’m ugly and tbh, I’ve been told I’m pretty many times, I have my insecurities, but this isn’t why I did it. I don’t seem to know why I feel the need to do so, really. Someone suggested I have social anxiety but I don’t act weird around actual people. I’m perfectly fine in crowds. I’m only anxious around those inexistent people. I read a lot about it online and I think I either have paranoia (I don’t believe anyone wants to harm me) or some schizophrenic/schizoïde/schizoaffective disorder. It’s taking over my life and my parents believe everything can be cured by following the path of god or whatever and don’t take my mental health seriously, and I can’t afford therapy myself. Please provide any helpful opinions. As I said I’m well aware you aren’t professionals. I’m just gathering information and opinions to look for methods to maybe reduce these symptoms until I can afford therapy. I know I’m a minor, but I’m sadly a part of a society that doesn’t prioritize mental health for kids nor adults or teens, there’s so much stigma surrounding it. If there’s any therapist in this subreddit who’s willing to only direct me to the right path so I could have accurate information, (I’m not asking for treatment), I’d highly appreciate that. Take care.

I've always been depressed but it's at a point where I cannot function as a human. I barely do anything anymore. Nothing makes me happy or smile unless it's my son (my puppy) or my sister. I don't eat anymore, I can't sleep normally (I sleep for a few hours and typically wake up due to nightmares). I wake up from dreams where I die, typically I kill myself and am in darkness until I wake up. Today my dream was that someone was here to kill my family. Anyway besides sleeping for like 3 hours at a time, I also find it very hard to do school work. Oh and I don't talk to people any more. All I do is sleep and cry. I also have been cutting myself a lot and I only really do that when I can't centre my mind and I'm spiraling. But I've been spiraling for a while. It all started last year when I realized most of my sexual experiences weren't consensual. Idk how to explain that and idk if it makes sense. But other than that, I was raped by my family friend that unfortunately live with us. I have told my family because something similar to this happened when I was 12 and when I told them they didn't believe me. I'm scared they'll think I'm lying again and that would probably send me down an even darker path. I have become a bit dependent on weed to calm me down and help me exist without wanting to die even more. It was working until yesterday when I went out and nearly killed myself because I wanted to get out of my head. I went out clubbing with my cousin and her friends and I felt so depressed as I have bad anxiety and couldn't talk to them. I also thought a lot about life and what's going on in my life. I drank so much that I nearly chocked on my vomit when I was sleeping. I dont remember anything but my cousin and my aunt were so sweet and helped me the whole time. That was a sweetness that I hadn't felt from another human in a while. I cried all day basically. I want to drop out and write on a blog that I created a while ago. I want to go back to school but not now. When i feel mentally prepared. I've just experienced too much pain in too little time. So much things I've uncovered it makes me sick. I recently discovered that my assulter, the one who lives with us texted me a while ago and told me he knows what he did was wrong and told me that he understands if I tell my family and he'll leave this house. The issue with that is that he helps my parents with rent. Originally I was going to give him until the end of this week but then I came to the realization that i don't think he can leave. If he leaves then my parents are going to be drowning in debt and my dad is already breaking his back to afford this house plus other bills. My mother and father both dedicated their lives for the life we now have. I think it might be selfish of me to ask him to leave. I'm not sure how my parents will be able to afford anything. I know that's not my job to worry but I always am. I also often picture myself dying anytime i look in the mirror. I Imagine holding a knife or these knife razors I have and sliting my throat. It used to scare me but now it's almost comforting. It almost feels like I'm preparing myself for that. I do sometimes practice the motion just incase it's not just my imagination. Oh I also forgot i have a repressed memories that have been slowly peaking out. I don't know who but someone came into my locked room at night when I was 8 or 9 and took off my clothes and lifted my legs up to I'm assume touch me or something. I still don't know who it was or why that happened but when I told my mom she didn't even say anything. She just looked at me and moved on. The issue besides that I was 8 or 9 and that happened is that the same thing basically happened again I believe 2 years ago. At first I didn't understand what happend and was scared. Then a few days later I remembered that basically the same thing happened about 10 years ago. What worries the most is that I have a little sister and I worry the same thing will happen to her. I just don't know who did it and I pray it wasn't my father or mother. But mostly that this doesn't happen to my sister. I also have no motivation to work. I have a pretty easy job with a fantastic boss (i work in a gym). I just can't get myself to work. I typically just do nothing except sleep since I can't sleep normally. I also was threatened at work by someone that comes in everyday. He threatened me out of the blue and I get scared that he will hurt me because that's basically what he got at. I'm so for the long explanation, there is more but im tired of typing. Can someone tell me if this is wrong of me. Also how do I go about dropping out? Should I rest on the idea for longer? Idk what to do. But all I know is every day that passes, i have less and less strength to keep going. I often hope that I would just drop dead. But so far it hasn't happened. Please help.

Does anyone else struggle to understand how they’re feeling? I have been to a therapist before but I found I didn’t get much help but a lot of sympathy. I have social anxiety due to having been rejected by peers despite moving to numerous schools. I always felt that people didn’t like me but I never knew why, I started to feel more scared about what I had to say so I went through a period of being so quiet and isolated that people wouldn’t even notice me. I was bullied by teachers too, who would call me stupid and treat me less. I think from then I started to develop a pit of the stomach fear... particularly in the holidays of the new year. I didn’t want to leave home. I went through periods of being depressed as I wasn’t accepted at school and often times at home as well as there was a lot of conflict going on. I just thought I’d write it here because I don’t know why that same feeling pops up sometimes... years have passed and I still spontaneously dwell upon it. Today when I received Xmas presents I was so happy but that ball of anxiety came back and I was immediately depressed- it was that same fear but I’m not sure why. I don’t know what I’m worried about. Nobody in my family understands, it’s like whenever I’m not worrying such as being happy it doesn’t feel right. I feel strange being happy or excited so my mind immediately shifts back to that dull ache of the past. I don’t understand why or how I can make it end...

I live in a constant state of worry and fear.. it never ends. I wake up in a panic I fall asleep with anxiety. I am a 23 year old girl. Why is my life loke thus I can't function right I don't feel real and I feel as if life is just passing me by. I'm in pain both mentally and physically and It's all cause I've been in trauma situations since I was born. The week I was born I was abused and it never stopped. I was born into abuse, adopted into an abusive home I was sexually assaulted til I was 18 by multiple people in my life. I'm finally happy in a good place and now my anxiety is worse than ever? Why that's not fair I am happy in a goof relationship I'm getting married Why now am I experiencing this...

English is my second language and am on my phone, excuse the inconveniences. I'm an hour 30 mins into a 6 hour bus trip. From the very moment I boarded my brain was like 'you know what? We're going to throw up' and I was like no problem, took my sickness medicine, some water and started doing my breathing exercises. I kind of fell asleep and suddenly my brain started screaming 'no actually, we'll drop dead any second now BRACE YOURSELF' I'm not sure what triggered it but I started sweating and panicking but I can't do anything while in a bus. Husband is asleep next to me, I don't want to wake him up cause I know I'll start crying and I don't want to make a scene, so I started writing this to get it out of my head, still shaking and panicking even tho I know I'm not actually dying. This. Sucks. Anyway how's your day going?

Hello everyone, I am from Hong Kong. Now in the United States, there are not many friends here. I hope to meet more friends. No matter where I chat, it is best to be friends who are older than me, friends over 35M. We look forward to hearing from you!

For some reason I feel a lot less body insecurity and anxiety if I'm wearing a shirt full of holes or if I go shopping unshaven and in sweaty workout clothes. Does anyone else experience something like this?

People are merely props in our lives until we give them meaning. Once we give them “meaning” that’s when we get attached cause we feel they are special and irreplaceable. Unfortunately majority of people (esp avoidant dismissive attachment people) view this as weakness and most of the time become abusive because any form of power given to someone can be abused. Power given to someone just enhances who they are, and sadly a lot of BpD or anxious attachment people are tricked by these evil people so they can use us and manipulate us. And then throw us out when they find a replacement. So my question is has anyone ever succeeded in removing the meaning and specialness of a person to us? In narcissism this is called discard and devalue but I don’t necessarily want to devalue someone, I just want to devalue them in my mind so I can let them go.

I know this gets asked all the time and believe me I've been searching through the posts making sure it's not just me, but some assurance would be nice. For the last few days the left side of my face will randomly get kinda tingly. I've been trying to shrug it off but it's pretty easy to get scared about it I think. My family has been telling me it's nothing or possibly sunburn or sinuses that I'm overreacting about. I also think my left hand gets randomly weak too. I take 7.5mg of buspirone early in the morning and pepcid almost daily for my dumb heartburn issues. I've noticed I usually get it around the afternoon or after I've been in the sun. I think it's pretty funny that it literally started happening the day or day after I went to a cardiologist last week cause I've been worried about my heart acting up so it could be me latching onto the next thing to worry about.