Datasets:

Kanakmi

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mental-disorders

like 9

I literally cry when my SO doesn't respond, or responds in a way that I feel doesnt express their love for me. I woke up this morning and cried just because they told me they didnt have school, and for some reason didnt facetime me. Why is this disability so debilitating! Has anyone had any success in handling this disability?

27(M) I lost my job, no girlfriend/wife, no place of my own, no friends. Screwed up every opportunity I've ever had. Everyone around me has a job, homes/apts, starting their own families etc. I constantly have dreams reminding me that I'm a failure. I wake up angry and full of envy and I go to bed feeling the same. I just want to be like everybody else. It won't make me happy, but atleast I won't feel like such a piece of trash. I hate losing more than I love winning. I hate myself.

Ok so, In grade 6 I was a terribly suicidal kid, 0-100 mental health went down fast, no time for regular depression it was either none or the worst case scenario and I chose poorly. Long story short I recovered in grade 9 which is where I am now and still going strong but I found my journal that I kept there, poetry, drawings, days, screams. I even have a picture of me from them and it’s so grounding to see that suicidal kid is still me. He’s still in my chest, my heart, this sad child made who I am and I don’t think I can or have truly let him go. Help. He’s back.

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Hi, I’m 25 (f) and I’ve lived a fairly unhappy and pain filled life. I was diagnosed with anx & depression in my 20’s, I put it down to the trauma I suffered in my younger days. but I had always felt something else was wrong which I could not describe to anyone. It ruled my entire life. My day consists of waking up and wishing I was anyone else but me. Opening my eyes up and having to push through another day, dragging my body around whilst my insides feel like falling apart. I play any old video and put it in my ear so I don’t feel alone I go on auto pilot and try and do some chores, fight my thoughts and keep something on in the back so I don’t feel so alone and fall asleep. I’ve recently understood that I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder. I have no family who believe or care about mental health. Please tell me anything you think I should know or wish someone had said to you. Thank you for reading.

I was recently reading more about borderline personality disorder and the aspect of an unstable sense of identity. I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder just few months. I came out as trans almost 3 years ago and more specifically non binary 2 years ago. I first identified as ftm but now my gender is non binary . I've gone through 2.5 years of hormone therapy and a masectomy but I wonder if my gender identity doesn't have something to do my disorder?

Before i got diagnosed, id always feel as if i was way too sensitive and no matter how hard id try to change, it was impossible. Whenever people make a joke about me, i always take It too seriously and feel as if it was a personal attack meant to hurt me. I either start crying, lash out in anger or go completely silent. I understand its unlikeable but i cant help feeling that way every single time. does anyone have any advice on how to stop taking things so seriously?

Hello anyone reading this, I'm not sure what i need but i guess i need some sort of hope that this can end or get better. I've dealt with anxiety ever since i was a kid. Sometimes it's about speaking too loud, walking weirdly or even posting this post for anyone to see. Today i fell into a spiral over reading about anxiety, cbt, and so many things in relation. I've read on multiple "techniques" on controlling it in the moment (have yet to test them) also going to start journalling again soon and work on my own "self therapy journey" since im inable of visiting a therapist. I dont care about people's judgment of me but once im outside its like i compleltey lose control of myself. I wish i could be in control of my own thoughts when the anxiety kicks in. I struggle with over thinking about everything i have to do over the next few months everyday and it just ends up with me in panic. I promised myself to say hello to one stranger more often but when i think about doing it it feels impossible almost like the words are stuck in my throat. After years of struggling with this ive got a new sense of hope after researching a bit more. I often feel lke im being dramatic about this. apologies about any spelling errors, english isnt my first language :)

I have had such a long journey with this illness. From the age of 14, I heard talks of me having borderline. You can’t officially get diagnosed until your 18, but every year after that the conversation stood the same. I’m 18 now and it’s slowly starting to hit me that I will forever have this. How the fuck am I supposed to do anything with my monster of a brain attacking me 24/7? I try to love it. I try to say I’m just more emotional, or I’m just sensitive. No. I just lack literally the ability to do anything fucking normal. My ex once told me that I’ll forever just be a blank board. People can write on me, tell me who I am and i’ll be that until they erase it. Then i wait for the next person to define me. I’m constantly looking for validation and attention. I’m constantly trying to figure out if I have a personality or if I’m even human. It’s unbearable. Some days are so exhausting. Some days I feel too human, I feel too much and other days I feel like a robot. A robot that’s being programmed about emotions, one that’s taught about feelings but never truly feels them. God, I wish i could just feel an emotion through before changing to the next so quickly. I wish i could appreciate a feeling for once, naturally. I try to think of what might’ve caused this. I had a fairly good childhood. And then it hits me, like what if I’m faking it?? And then I convince myself I’m faking the whole thing and I go nuts. I’m not suicidal. I’m just worried. I’m anxious. My anxiety has been on such a high lately. I took some days off next month, so did my boyfriend. I told him I wanted to be with him and I wanted to relax. I find it unhealthy that I only feel human around him. I’m never scared of my words being judged and I feel safe. I wish i had more people in my life platonically like him. I guess what holds me together is the fact that I have a sense of self around him. I hope my fucking trust issues and abandonment fears don’t make him leave either. Goodnight.

I go to a therapist twice in a week. I take a mix of meds carefully thought especially for me by my doctor that's been with me for over an year. Everything is boring. Nothing feels fun anymore. I can't do anything. There's no motivation, no energy. I feel like I'm just an empty existance being kept alive without a reason, but my family won't let me die. I can't trust anyone. Being alone hurts me way too much, but I've been betrayed by friends, best friends, boyfriends, every kind of people, you can bet it, they have back stabbed me at some point. Then I decided to be alone but being alone is just deadly for me. I crave for someone's company, someone who will do stuff we enjoy together and have fun with me. I don't even belong to any online community where I can have friends or people to talk about something. I have nothing to talk about, since I'm empty. No hobbies, no fun, nothing. I'm completely disabled. I can't leave my home alone. Panic attacks. I can't go to crowded places. Agoraphobia. I don't know where to go from here, when I've tried everything.

Every time anyone says anything to me I get really anxious and don’t know what to say. It’s like I don’t know how to talk to people. I hate it here and I work overtime so I’m always here and I’m going to be here for the next 5 nights all night and I’m already dreading it. My symptoms have been so bad lately I feel so paranoid and anxious and I’m always freaking out it’s so much stress and I feel like I can’t handle it. Planning on starting meds soon because this is getting out of control. Does anyone have any suggestions? I’m losing my shit being here and it’s mainly because my coworkers keep trying to talk to me and it makes me anxious. But if they didn’t try to talk to me I would feel lonely and excluded and even more anxious and feel like nobody likes me. It’s a lose-lose situation. I’m freaking out and hiding in the bathroom.

He wants me to be his girlfriend forever no joke he’s serious he won’t leave me. He just doesn’t think I’m fit to be a wife or mother. FML lol top kek god damn

Mental illness doesn’t exist it’s a metaphor of descriptions just as society views someone who. sells meth as a terrible immoral man, for selling posionous substances, it’s a description of judgement of the person selling drug it’s a personal characteristic judgement, no behaviour, or misbehaviour can be an illness only the sociological construrals of an operative society views that as mental illness if somebody is having a spirtural crisis in India. They’re viewed as having existential differences with the world, walk into the western world and have that experience it’s a result of a biological malfunction within the brain and is treated with coercive, drugging. And you’re labelled as a schizophrenic, now my point follows is a man who sells cocaine just supplying what somebody wants not actually forcing someone to take something, if you want cocaine or a high or a buzz, he’s just a supplier. Now if you get a psychiatric diagnosis you can be forced against your will to take a drug, You have it backwards in terms of stigmatisation saying somebody is wrong for feeling a certain way is stigmatisation, if I told you it’s wrong to become a comedian because it’s inconsequential and does operate a capitalistic economic society, you’d call me authoritative or disempowering you, if you become depressed because you question how you’re living yer life, I label you as a defective person who’s brain doesn’t operate correctly, for having that experience, that is dracion, that is authoartive, that is abuse, that is stigamatisati

Hey :-) I am new here. Sorry if I am not doing this right. I am struggling with my own mental health issues which is now having a huge impact on my everyday life. But one if the biggest things I am struggling with is how to tell my friends and family. I have kept this to my self for so long and I think it is time for me to tell them. But I just don't know how or even if I can. Thank you for reading this. Lola x

Idk if i am the only one who likes to be negative person.

I don’t know how to properly phrase this so please be patient with me here. For the last 6 months I have been dealing with some negative emotions: anger, sadness, extreme frustrations and random bouts of crying at times. And now I have started to get negative thoughts, as in I think about things pessimistically. My friends didn’t reply to my text on the group? They must hate me so they’re ignoring me. And I can’t communicate these things because no one would obviously admit to doing that uk (even if they’re telling the truth, this pessimistic mindset makes it a lose lose uk?) This has been happening in multiple aspects of my life and it is getting burdensome. I do not like being like this or feeling this way, assuming like everyone hates me or if they don’t reply to me that they’ve given up on me, even when later I realize that they had a very understandable circumstance that didn’t let them do x or y. I would say 40% of the time I feel like this way, but when im outside of social interactions or if I’m not affected by a recent social interaction I’m doing well (not amazing but neutral), and sometimes when im socializing I’m genuinely happy. I would’ve go to a psychiatrist long ago but due to the healthcare system in my country having 0 privacy and the huge stigma here, I’m very reluctant to go but at what point should I really consider it? Thank you for taking the time to read and I hope your day is better than mine

I don't really know how to feel right now. I'm a little lost. I want to think that what he does isn't a reflection of me and who I am. I just can't help but feel invalidated.

I suppose it's also a way of procrastination but it also really pleases me to my see everything look neat and organized. I overdo it sometimes with the excessive "oh I HAVE to get that far corner of the wall that I can't possibly reach" but mostly I'm happy about this habit lol

This is a new one for me when it comes to physical symptoms… I was just laying down after a long and I felt completely fine. Put my legs up on the couch for like 15 minutes and I was good. I got up to grab a drink and when I sat back down my legs suddenly got a super heavy feeling. Maybe like a BP change or something? All I know is it made my anxiety sky rocket because it’s a new feeling.. Now I’m afraid something is happening and I’m trying to calm myself down…

i feel so fucking guilty when i cry to my partner or talk to them about my emotional distress while in a bad mental state. i feel like they shouldn't have to deal with that but i don't know what else to do. I know they are there for me and want me to be happy but i can't stop feeling bad about putting all of this on them... it's just so fucking hard to be alive and i can't help but FEEL SUCH INTENSE EMOTIONS and cry to the point where i can't breathe. fuck this. i feel so isolated and alone and distant and separate from everyone in the world, and i am someone who always puts relationships first because human connection is so important to me. i just feel so shitty and the world is dying :(

My childhood was full of abuse, neglect, and nothing else. At best, people ignored me and didn’t give a shit about me, even when I was clearly in a world of pain. At worst, people would beat on me and treat me with cruelty. I was 12 when I snapped. Started fires, started fighting back. My behavior got aggressive. I said and did a lot of messed up shit, scared a lot of people. I got sent to the guidance counselor a lot because of the concerning behaviors I exhibited. I threatened to kill myself/others multiple times. If I could go back to that time and do it differently… I wouldn’t change anything. If anything, I’d be even more violent. Because I still hate this world. That’s all.

Is there any correlation between my hand pain and anxiety. Actually whenever there is a rush of emotions nearly after 18:00 my nerve in my left starts to pain very badly and it can not be controlled unless i sleep . Is it due to anxiety or some other issue?

The title is pretty much it. Wish me luck guys

I all but stopped sleeping a couple days ago and been totally sober but am too self-aware manic to feel like I don't have it under control. Was getting these odd bizarre happy panic attacks so had a couple drinks (instead of Valium or anti-psych) along with heavy dose of OTC sleeping pills. Still up. Any ideas or even just anyone relate?

For a couple years now, when I'm angry with myself I start punching myself in the head. I'm starting to wonder if I got mild brain damage. I'm much slower than I used to be and my memory is quite poor. I'm not positive but I think I'm right.

Title says it all. Sometimes events like this make me really nervous, adrenaline-filled, and clammy. I don’t want to pass out. It’s obviously a mind game. Can I take a 25mg propranolol before I get my tattoo?

So to start it off, I understand everyones anxiety works differently for each individual. That being said. I know the most common social anxiety is people fearing judgement from others while in a public setting. For my case, my fear isn't of judgement and ridicule, I honestly couldn't care less what others think of me, my fear is 'who here is going to attack me?' I only feel this way in larger groups (maybe 15+ people) but like in groups of 5 even 10 I feel relatively safe, but will still make an effort to know where my escape routes are. So my question is, is this common for people with social anxiety? Or might I have an underlying fear of people? I'm very unsure, would love some insight on it. Thank you <3

FP implied he wanted me over , then never texted . I spiraled and got tunnel visioned , crying , freaking out . decided to dig into my bag , tare apart a spare razor , and slice open my hand . This was while I was driving down the highway . I pulled into a gas station and called two friends ; nobody answered . I took a shit and hyperventilated , then said I’m way too much or a bad bitch for this . going into the club to pop my ass . turning my phone off so FP can’t text back . i can’t say how close I am . I almost tore myself apart . I can’t be alone in my house bc I’ll freak out . I have to go wear my mask .

My doc upped my pregabalin from 300mg to 400mg. I’m feeling to spacey, almost like I’m high or drunk. The other day a memory from childhood came back to me and now it’s bugging me. I’m so scared I might go into some sort of ‘mania’ (not sure what else to call it!) again. I hate being reckless and hurting those around me. I’m sorry for ranting here and feeling sorry for myself. I just needed a place to vent a little. I hope you guys are doing okay!

Hello Reddit, I'm currently in a rough patch in my life. I've had to move in with in laws once I was forced to leave my apartment of seven years residence. I'm a schizoid personality type and crave my space. When I was living in town previously, I'd walk and take care of errands, get my space and exercise all at once. Worked just fine but now I'm out in the sticks and can't just get up and go. I feel like I'm suffocating sometimes from constantly having to be "on". Even on this large farm I feel trapped and I'm depressed from it. What are some suggestions to help me alleviate my stress?

As of now, my life isn't great. Today I'm a bit stable but not always. I've struggling with mental illness, family issues and I can't make friends. I mean I can easily talk to anyone but I can't seem to make a connection with them. I've desperately prayed to God to let me die because I've done my share in this life and I think I've suffered enough but I'm still alive. Some of you would say, try therapy or counselling and I've tried that. They just are losers who pretend to help you and are just behind your hard earned money. Rarely there will be someone who will genuinely try to help you but not everyone. I've realised one thing that I'm very strong and mentally I've become now. I'll fight till the end of the line. And you should too. We were born alone and we die alone. It's between what we create a life.

I (21F) moved to Boston when I was 18 to go to college. I realized that I was a lot different from the people who live/come to boston for college and I never really made any friends. They are able to go out and party, go to concerts, go out to eat, drink, etc. I never have that experience while living here, my life has been really boring. (I’ve only worked, and studied.) I definitely try but I work so much, I never really get the chance to. They also dress a lot better, look put together, and just appear a lot better than I do. (i know this also has to do with my insecurities but I can’t help looking at my jeans or shoes and my hair and thinking I look so dirty if though i showered and put makeup on.) I guess what i’m trying to say is how can I turn my life around? I’ve been struggling with sexuality, gender, money, the fact that I do close to nothing with my life and my own self confidence. I feel like i’m living it in auto pilot.

Dear all, I write this for all to see but I only am speaking to someone in particular. Thank you for reading. My pen pal, my companion, my dearest friend. I am so sorry. The words don’t exist to convey all of the feelings I have. I can’t say it enough, it hurts me so. I think about you everyday, all day. I miss you so much. Hearing your voice and spending time with you. I miss watching movies with you and staying up obscenely late just to be in your presence. I miss knowing that we were friends, when all else failed I had you to lean on and you had me. I really messed up, I was wrong on so many levels. It wasn’t only one day, it was a pattern of behavior born from my unwell mental state. There is no argument that I am cursed with anxiety. It makes me alienate everyone I care about. I am petrified of abandonment, but each and every time I cause it. I just can’t believe I let it hurt you, the person I care for most, the person who I only ever wanted to make happy. My anxiety has cost me a normal life, a life with horrible self-esteem and profuse self-hatred. It has cost me the career I intended forcing me to drop out of the PhD program I was attending. And now, worst of all, it may have cost me you. I am so inconsolably sad. It’s hard to live with the fact that I said hurtful things to you and caused you pain. I hope you know I’d do anything in the entire world to make things right between us. Even when things were great, I’d do anything for you, all you had to do was ask. I desperately want to rekindle our friendship, I want to be there for you. Being in your presence was the best feeling in the world. I really like the person you are, the most genuine, kind, understanding and lovely person I’ve ever met. I also liked who I was when we spent time together. I need you so much, everyday. I still do. Not hearing from you is like my personal nightmare. The truth is I deserve to be punished, everything I feel is deserved. All of the hopeless thoughts and loneliness, you deserve so much more. If we can no longer be friends, as sad as it would make me, I’d accept it as your wish. I only ask that I can say goodbye and hope that you remember me as the person who cared so much about you. I still do. I care about you more than anything, as much as one friend can care about another. That kind of caring doesn’t go away, it lasts a lifetime. I thought you could be my lifetime friend, I felt lucky, like I never wanted to spend a day where we weren’t friends. I know you are going through so much, you are fighting your own battles. I hope you know I wish I could help you, take all the pain you are suffering for myself. I wish my words could make a difference. I humbly ask for your forgiveness, to give me another opportunity to earn your trust once again. Over a lifetime you meet a few people that have an impact. You make legitimate connections with so few. We made such a connection and I just can’t bear to see it disappear. Remember, the universe gave us each other, I truly hope I didn’t ruin it. I am learning to cope with major anxiety and to keep it out of my personal life. It’s a struggle and I need you on my side to become the better person I want to be. I’m also learning to be a good friend since I have such little experience. Still, there is no excuse for not understanding. I don’t quite know why I decided to write this. I feel like maybe I needed to put forward a gesture, I don’t know. All I know is I miss you, I care about you, and I am in pain without you. To all the wonderful moments we spent together, I hope to lend you my shoulder to cry on or my company to share a laugh. Until we talk again, I will be thinking of you. Best, Joe.

Trigger Warning of sexual nature. A couple of months I rembered of something from my early adolescence (something between 12 and 14, I can't remember precisely) and ever since it has been giving me anxiety throughout all the day. Basically I was with the sibling I was closer to, we have a two years gap. At the time we used to give each other massages, and that's what we were doing, when I started to slightly dry humping her from the back, I remember I knew it was sexual. After a while I got told to stop and so I did, even if I acted like I wasn't doing anything, and since then we never talked about it, neither she has been angry with me. Then a some months ago I happened to remember and started crying and apologised to her. She said she doesn't remember and that she thinks it doesn't matter so much as I was young and tried to uplift me. I also told to my mom and she said that it was something wrong, but it hasn't to define me as I was too young to fully understand and she as well has been supportive with me. I know, I know that it is horrible and I'm so so sorry for not being able to put it in better words, I really am not at all smug about that shit, trust me, but I just cannot find better words and also I don't want to as it may seem like otherwise I'm putting it in a better light than it really is. I'm ashamed of myself and my life will never be the same, I really care about feminism and human rights, and in the last two years I became very sensitive to those, one more reason why I feel like hell. I feel like I don't deserve any forgiveness, and my family only forgave me because they love me and they're way too good with me, especially my sister who's also my best friend. I just feel like a monster. Every dream I had just fell apart, I really can't look at anyone in their eyes anymore, can't appreciate anything of what I previously did. My mum... I feel like I totally betrayed her. I feel like I don't deserve love, either giving or receiving. I live that event everyday in my mind and it is making me feel guilty everyday of my existence, and what's worse is that it is okay this way. I do deserve nothing anymore. Every project I had has gone.. everytime people tell me they find me a pleasant person and tell me I feel like I'm betraying their trust. There would be so many other details on how this has affected my life, but I'm far from being the victim so I'm just ending this text here. I'm sorry for sharing this thing, I know it was hard to read, and I know some of you will hate me.. I hate myself too. I just.. needed to share this with some humans. Sorry

For me it's been a mix of drugs, alcohol, spending and a lot of sex. For me it's the instant gratification. Just wondering what your fix is?

That's what I've been diagnosed recently, with borderline traits. There's nowhere to really talk about it and not a lot of people who understand what it's like to talk to. So many of the feelings are extremely similar to those in borderline personalities.

No matter how much therapy and outpatient program and yoga and blah blah blah whatever else I can do- it never goes away. I’m 25 years old this year, and I sometimes think it gets worse as I age. It sucks. My anger turned inward has given me a lifetime of physical problems. All because of men. Because they took my power away and because society gives them power and I give them power by idk existing I guess. I hate that they perceive me,think I’m a fat ugly whore, yet still will use me for whatever they need. Funny thing is I don’t even have that many men in my life and I’m not even into men sexually or romantically. Wtf is going on with me

I just need to share this with someone because I'm internally about to fucking combust. I'm at an RAI trying to get an xray to see if my kidney stone has passed, waiting in the waiting area and this family of like 6 people walks in. The receptionist tries to tell them because of covid only 1 extra person can be with the patient cuz they need to keep the waiting room socially distanced. This family tries to argue with them for a few minutes but eventually 2 of them leave. Now there's still more than they're supposed to have and one of the extras is a kid that's been running around the office touching everything including me. I like to think I'm a patient person but I swear if this kid touches me again he's getting punted. I hate parents who leave it up to everyone else to parent/watch their kid and it's even worse when your kid is mask less in an enclosed space during covid. I'm just so fucking mad I hate people

I know I've posted this before but I'm so heartbroken I just can't bear it. Wife just will not agree to work on marriage and has defo defo ended it. She is viewing a house to rent tomorrow morning. It's all getting real now. Our poor 6yr old will be told soon, she will be devastated. She already asks "are you sleeping in spare room mummy because daddy has upset you?" I can't breath I'm suffering so.

I have a pretty diverse skill set (self-taught programming, customer service, management experience) but I got fired from a job I'd held for 11 months (basically told that I can't do that job, lol... office politics as I pissed off my manager) back in September and now I feel unemployable. I send out CVs everywhere and get no response -- or get told I'm unsuccessful. :(

i’m going to look back on this later and be so embarrassed. i sound so desperate but i just need to put my feelings down somewhere and i don’t have friends or family to talk to. also for context, i have emetophobia and contamination ocd. i literally just have a cold, but i’m stressed about it actually being covid or something else. i’m really panicking and don’t know what to do. i’ve tried everything to calm myself down but i’m just spiralling. being ill is my worst fear. i feel so stupid because it’s something so small but i’m panicking so much because of it. my heart is beating so fast, all of my symptoms are really scaring me, and now the anxiety on top of it is making it so much worse. it’s a big cycle and i cant stop it.

what is this fp shit? She’s been mine for months, she’s helped me make a lot of progress with my problems and stuff like that, but now they don’t want to be around me for a few days and the last time someone said that I got cut out of their lives so ofc here we fucking go, I wish she never came into my fucking life

Hello all. I'm a 26 year old female who struggles with generalized anxiety. And I am having the worst time as an adult keeping and finding friends. I spend most of my days working and coming home to my husband and usually have no desire to leave my home without him by my side. (I am aware this is unhealthy) But every now and then it dawns on me how alone I really am. I have one best friend who lives far away with three children and is just in a different part of her life than I. We text and call all the time but rarely see each other otherwise. I make friends at work easily and most think im quite extroverted while I am there. Sometimes these coworkers ask to hang out outaide of work and regardless of how much I enjoy their company I cannot make myself do it. The fear is completely irrational and has no specific origin I just feel imending doom when faced with social interaction outside of my comfort zone. I try to explain it but most people tell me to force myself but even when I do I end up not being able to carry on a conversation or make eye contact for long. Does anyone have any advice to work on overcoming this fear? I want to branch out and make friends and reconnect with old ones but I'm petrified they'll think I'm not really that great anyway. Tl;dr I struggle with anxiety surrounding making friends and hanging out outside of my comfort zones does anyone have any advice?

I feel like my capacity to hold in trauma has totally just popped or something. I had a very traumatic experience recently and I just feel like nothing is real. It really fucking sucks. I feel like at any moment I'm gonna stop existing, like I'm in the matrix. It's weird. Anyone else deal with this? I start therapy Tuesday but every moment is torture. Really wish this feeling would go away.

I just want to express how scared and pissed I am atm but I literally can’t bc I suppress my emotions too much. I try to focus of the good but it’s so hard when you have friends who literally will not understand what you’re going through✨

I’ve always hated Father’s Day. Another reminder of how I don’t even get to experience normal things like a normal person. Another reminder that not even my parents wanted me.. Would I be less fucked up if I actually had my dad as a real father figure in my life? Hahaha probably, but he abandoned me and refuses to except my existence. I’m his first child, his eldest daughter. He’s fucking Nepalis and Hindu and family is the most important thing ever but he still left me. Now he’s married to a lady who is also Nepalis and has at least two other daughters that he loves and cares for. The only reason I know this is because I found his Facebook on my friend’s phone. He had me blocked on my fb.. If he cared about me at all maybe I wouldn’t have been homeless my senior year of high school and I wouldn’t have to be in a fake relationship just so that I can have somewhere to live now. My trauma, abuse, and genetics have blessed me with bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, manic depression, and an eating disorder. Because I can’t keep a job because I can barely keep myself alive everyday I don’t have health insurance. I’ve been denied for governmental health insurance because I can’t work, but my mental illnesses aren’t considered severe enough for me to be considered for disability because they “can get better with medication and therapy.” However I can’t get accurate treatments for myself because I can’t afford it. So it feels like an endless back and forth cycle. If my dad cared maybe I wouldnt be as fucked up as I am and maybe he’d be able to put me on his family insurance and get me the help I need. But he clearly doesnt care and probably never will.. If my own parents didn’t want me but didnt abort me, and still don’t give a single fuck about me now, why is it deemed so bad for me to kms? I’m the only person that cares about me, and well maybe my cat, Pumpkin too. Anyway, again, I hate Father’s Day. -L

Whenever I see panic attacks on tv, they’re really cinematic and involve heavy breathing. I just feel kind of sick and have a sinking feeling and feel dread. Maybe some tightness in the chest. And it makes me feel like a fraud even though I’ve noticed positive differences before and after escitalopram

My exBPD GF has cut me off after I found out she slept with my close friend 2 days after our “break up”. She moved and we were supposed to remain close and be there for each other. I was her FP for 18 months and she lived with me. We were both very important to one another. But now she got a new bf/fp. She has completely stopped talking to me. She doesn’t think that sleeping with my friend was wrong or a big deal. So I’m asking you guys who live with this illness for your opinion. Even though she doesn’t talk to me and when we did talk before she treated me as an annoyance in her new life....does she really not care about me? After all I did for her and everything we’d been through?

Therapist at psych ward accurately guessed a delusion based upon vague info ("Sometimes I think humans ARE NOT human") and this basically haunts me still. Never told her any personal detail about me, I also never disclosed that kind of delusion or similar to ANY medical professional ever so she just guessed and was right on her first try. Terrifying, 0/10

My mum died September 24 and on January 13 my neighbor who was my only mate and best ever mate died in my arms. She suffered daily pains for years as she had endometrioses and cancer and was living off child support an kept getting arrested for stealing and when she become stuck in bed she resorted to buying and selling drugs and I collected those drugs as she couldn't move anything then her arms and head. I can't exactly see family as I got suspected for my mums death and I don't want to see anyone and if there's ever a time I become homeless I'm gonna throw a brick at a speeding police car as prison is ok and other inmates won't mind that conviction at all

It's a semi autobiography depicting Pete Davidsons life growing up in Staten Island. He has BPD and has spoken out about his condition. Recently I made a post asking for film recommendations and this one popped up, I overwhelmingly loved it. I had to pause the film at various points because I was crying, almost ouf of joy. It felt amazing to see my condition represented, I deeply sympathised with the protagonist and most other characters, its a very raw film. It's much more emotional than humorous but there are a lot of funny moments that feel very well placed. I just think this film is beautiful. It's a very honest portrayal of people living with BPD.

I'm a 34 year old man, and I've dealt with depression and anxiety for basically my entire life. It's manifested itself in fits of rage, anxiety attacks, panic attacks, overwhelming sadness, and long bouts of inaction and laziness. I have a hard time maintaining and creating friendships, and while I can chalk some of that up to my own natural introversion and my long-term friends being busy with careers and kids now. But it has become a huge problem that's really getting me down lately. Background info: At the end of 2020, I moved to California. Honestly, the move was originally to try and kindle a flame in a long-distance relationship, but even after that didn't work out, I was in good spirits. I was proud of myself for making a big decision, doing it myself, driving across the country alone. I loved the weather and lifestyle of the area. My anxiety and depression were generally more at bay than they have ever been. But, once things weren't going to work out with this person, I knew I had to go. I tried finding affordable places to live in the area, but even roommate situations were just priced out of control. I moved back home, all the way back to the other side of the country. At first, I was extremely sad and bitterly disappointed. I quickly put things into perspective by understanding that the important thing was taking the chance and really making a change in my life, even if it didn't work out. I don't regret it. This lifted me for a while, and I was re-connecting with a couple old friends and family. I even started making a couple new friends through my old friends. But lately, I've seemingly lost the ability to have emotional connections with anyone. Everything feels disturbingly surface level. The woman I moved across the country for and I had a very deep connection. We talked about philosophies, politics, our feelings and emotions, our pasts; we would always talk about really deep things. Here, it feels like I can't get on that level with anyone. I'm afraid to talk about my real feelings with anyone. I don't want anyone to know I'm hurting. I become very disappointed in people, and instead of talking about it, I keep them at arm's length. I'm having a hard time trusting anyone. On my worst days, I feel really alone in the world. I have put these walls up and I'm unsure how to allow them to be broken down. I'm not sure what I'm looking for. Advice or something else. It helps me to write it out, either way. TL;DR having an impossible time connecting with anyone, very sad about it

i literally wanna kill myself and I’m 13 i fucking hate myself

What do you think of the character Lexi in Modern Love. I know she portrays a bipolar woman but it resonated with me. I don't really know what are the differences between bipolar disorder and bpd but I truly felt what was illustrated.

I hate my boyfriend. We both work in same field But he does 911 And I do transfer...he's always making It seem like my job is less important than his. And he's constantly making it seem like Everything I do isn't as important, and makes Me feel stupid. Constantly questioning things I do or how I treat My patients. I've tried to not talk about work with him but it's a big part of his life. I hate my job even more because of this. What can I do?

Sooo yeah. Im tired of not feeling anything and it just happened. Nothing major honestly just a few cuts and no blood. I’m scared and I feel bad about it but at least I feel something. I don’t know what to do.

I cant even not fuck up therapy. I want to kill myself so bad. He wants me gone i think. Im just a piece of shit with a drug problem. I want to die. So. SO. Badly. I feel like Im going to do it this time.

It's pretty horrendously torturous. I could literally be laying in bed, wondering what others at work are thinking, if they are talking about me, talking bad about me. They could be even talking good things about me and I would just assume they are being negative because that's how I shield from becoming hurt. It's like a mental anguish feeling weighed down by the idea that someone I'm obsessed with is thinking and having conversations with me in my head and I think I am starting to lose my shit. I think everyone hates me, despite most people talking pretty highly of me at least around me then I speak to myself like, why the fuck do I think those things then? Is this trauma or something? I feel like a lost little kid trapped inside my own head.

I want to get rid of all it. Every single living thing on this goddamn planet, including the children and the so called “innocent”. There is no salvation in this world, there is no afterlife, and there is no god to make anything worth living for. There is no true morality or need for kindness, respect, etc in a cruel world in which we cannot be free. There are only the choices you make and the results of the choices which in the end are completely meaningless. This whole world is a shithole and nobody should have existed. It would be great if something just happened and wiped us all off the face of this world. I hate this entire world and every single person or thing in it.

Hi all. I just wanted to share my experience with BPD and work which has caused me some struggle. Hopefully I can hear how you all cope with balancing a working life with BPD cause right now I've got no clue. I'm a 25M, recently BPD diagnosed. I've been suffering with issues at work for years now but these have gotten worse since the nightmare that was 2020. I work taking calls for a telecommunications company, resolving technical issues mostly but also dealing with some challenging people along the way. I dont mind that, its what I signed up for and I've been doing it 3 years now so all good. It's not what I want long term but for now so be it. My main issue is - how the hell do you guys manage your paranoia of being fired?? In my job we're constantly monitored with Real Time Adherence reports and Stat dashboards that show our every move. I try and control my stress and paranoia but the truth is its killing me. Any time one of my managers message me I feel instant anxiety. I had a long depressive episode a couple of months ago which affected my performance and I got given a recorded discussion for it before I even had chance to explain my issues (this side has now been discussed and my leaders know of my BPD, though levels of sympathy, support and interest vary between the 3 of them). How do you all cope with this type of stress? How do I catch my focus when I am in constant fear for my future? Thank you in advance for any/all help that can be offered. I'm still finding my feet in the BPD world so suggestions and resources are more than welcome.

Everyone always talks about anxiety & depression in the winter, and during cloudy days, but sometimes I find I have elevated anxiety & depression on sunny days. I don't know why this is, but I am curious if anyone else experiences this.

I know I’ve always felt like there was something wrong with me ever since I was young but I feel like it didn’t get bad until I was around 19 going to 20. Once I hit that age everything went down hill, I lost control of who I was. Now I’m left with this empty vessel. I feel numb, I feel dead, I feel nothing. I miss being happy, bpd took my joy of life, it took the light out of me and left me in the dark. I want to be happy to be alive, I want to enjoy life but it’s so hard.

I don’t want to jinx myself here, but I’ve been on Lamictal for about 4 weeks now and I think it’s safe to say there’s a big improvement for me. Obviously everything isn’t gone but I’m not spiraling like I used to. Feeling hopeful.

so recently i've developed a fwb relationship with someone i thought i liked, he basically told me that he would never like me back and that i should stop having feelings for him. he's gotten busier this month since he has to go back to school. basically we aren't exclusive, he's made it clear that he doesn't really care if i go ahead and look for other people. side note: he doesn't look for others, but he wants to stay open to other options so i guess that's why he doesn't want to commit to a rs with me. he's told me multiple times that he doesn't want to be my bf because he doesn't have time to do so and he wants to focus on his studies that being said, i have looked for other people before. there was a point of time i went over to his (fwb's) place and after we fucked, we walked around and talked for a bit. i guess the topic came up and he told me that he didn't like me going around with random strangers. i mean, who wouldn't be uncomfortable with that, i guess he was worried for his safety but i also think he said that as he was concerned, because it seemed like i was engaging in self-destructive behaviour and i might have been scaring him. but that's the thing, he acts concerned and then goes on to say that he doesn't care what i do, like what the fuck, make up your mind bro. i don't know what he wants from me. he said he just wants to be fwbs, then he keeps sending these mixed signals. i'm a colossal idiot being played by this stupid fuck. i keep on hoping that maybe he would someday like me back, you know, even if it seems so unlikely. but why would someone like him who's so kind, good-looking and academically inclined, want anything to do with me. i'm such a fucking mess and i don't have myself together. i am just so fucked up i don't know how to feel. i get very very upset about myself, and honestly, i don't even love myself. we are fwbs and also best friends, which is like the worst fucking level of friendzone in the whole fucking world. sometimes i feel like just a sex object to him. he had hurt my feelings multiple times before by not taking my feelings for him into consideration or just saying really mean shit without thinking twice. i told him about it before and he apologised. i care a lot for him, i always want to make sure that he's okay but i find that i'm slowly losing my feelings which is why i keep questioning myself lately. i just don't understand why i'm doing any of this. i just feel so fucking lonely. since he's not around and he won't be for the next few months, i've gotten pretty depressed and i'm looking for people again. i know he told me that i should stop, but it's not like he's going to like me back anyway, so why should i listen to him, right? i'm conflicted. what the fuck am i doing? does it really matter that much? he didn't make me promise him, he said that ultimately it was my choice. so why am i thinking so much? am i caring too much about what he said, i don't know. i don't know why i want to have sex with other people. probably because i feel so fucking sad and empty and numb i just want to feel something.

If any of you need someone to listen I am always here. I have heard everything at this point so no matter what it is I won't think less of you for it. If you are in crisis I can also help with that. I am always here. You are not alone

This is exhausting, things were going great, she was getting therapy and seemed to be improving. She had a stressful situation and then things kicked off again ten fold. She constantly cycles back and forth between me and her family being the villains every few weeks and has ran back and is staying with her parents after kicking me out of the apartment. Currently sitting by the fire in my parents thinking how much longer I can put up with this, no doubt I will be receiving a frantic phone call in a few hours begging for me to come home and that her bpd just got to her again and that she had an episode and is so sorry. She knows she has problems and tries to stop the negative thoughts and emotions but she is just failing no matter how supportive I am. We are both loyal, she has nothing to hide and neither do I but is constantly insecure I’m going to leave her (typical bpd) My family love her and she gets on great with my son and is amazing to him, but her parents have no interest in our relationship due to how she acts when she has an episode and that bothers her a lot even tho it’s her own fault. I’m just ranting at this point but I really don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel anymore. I’m exhausted.

I'm hoping that someone might have sole advice or coping mechanisms that I can try. I've had anxiety for years. Recently, it's off the charts and I feel like I'm going crazy. My doctor knows, I'm on a new anxiety med but haven't been taken it long enough for it to build up yet, and I have an appointment with my therapist but the earliest they can get me in is in a month. I say this so no one thinks I'm bypassing all that to rant in reddit. In the last 3ish weeks, it's like I can't calm down. It's like living in a Halloween Haunted House, nothing has jumped out at you yet but you know there's the potential for something around every corner and in every sound. I've developed new triggers. My SO leaving the house or falling asleep. I've never liked being alone but I've never been *scared* to be alone. My SO has to go to work. I know this. This isn't new. It's never been a problem, and he's so sweet, but I keep making him late because he won't leave until I'm calmed down. And that can't keep happening, so I've just stopped telling him. And then when he leaves I just cry and start shaking. And I do that until I can self regulate or distract myself with something else. But that only works as long as I don't remember that I'm trying to distract myself. And falling asleep. I've always had sleeping problems and sometimes I get nightmares. That isn't what this is, this is the first time in my entire life that I've started to sleep well and I'm not having nightmares. But the act of falling asleep is triggering. Like if I start to fall asleep and I realize it then suddenly I'm awake and my heart is pounding and I'm shaking. So, I have to keep distracting myself until I physically can't stay up anymore. I'm so tired and scared and sad and I just don't know what to do.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaasa Does this mess anyone else up really bad? When I’m with him he’s amazing to me and always says it back. Like he’s autistic and maybe I just have to communicate the importance of the him saying it back to me? :x It’s crazy that one small thing can make me start to question everything though 😅

I am shocked. Clinically diagnosed Borderline since 24 (now 30), off and on medications since I was about 15-16. For the first time in my life, I am committed to trying medications and sticking with them. That "doing better" voice in my head always tricks me into getting off and then I meet my rock bottom again. At my med evaluation, my clinician said that I was presenting symptoms of ADHD. Never in a million years did that cross my mind, but, it made a lot of sense when she explained her reasoning. So she prescribed Wellbutrin since it has some off-label success in treating anxiety, irritability/depression, and ADHD symptoms. If anyone has any input on their experience with Wellbutrin it would be greatly appreciated. I know that every single person is different, but I'm still interested in how it is received by the BPD community. Any input from persons with a dual diagnosis of BPD and ADHD is appreciated as well. Thanks!

Does anyone else sometimes just have your heart race with palpitations on and off? Just a general really terrible anxiety feeling. Especially when you lay down. Also lots of running to the restroom because I’m sick to my stomach. I’m assuming it’s fight or flight mode, but sometimes my body will stay in it for quite a while. Any suggestions how to get out of that mode? I feel so scared.

My boyfriend (long distance relationship) flew from Michigan to Mass to visit again. He walked in my bedroom and immediately said my bed smelled like another man. (I explained to him time and time again) I haven’t had another guy in my apartment since before I started talking to him which was at least a year ago and before that I was in a committed 4 year relationship. He flipped out, called an Uber and left to catch the first flight out of here. He hadn’t been here more than 20 minutes. I tried to reason with him multiple times but he refused to talk at all. He said a few nasty things and left. Watched him put his luggage in the uber and he was gone. Next time I hear from him he’ll probably blame it on his BPD. I can’t put up with this any longer I just want a stable relationship. I’m so hurt, I planned things out for his trip here and I just wanted everything to be perfect. I think I’m just gonna give up cause this whole relationship is drama

I started Latuda about a month ago. I have been pretty level if a little hypomanic while on it. Tbh I have felt calm, more productive and less ruled by my emotions. BUT according to my kids I am hair trigger and flash to anger and back again. They don't know which way is up. I don't feel angry although I am a bit annoyed at times. I am pretty sure I speak firmly, then let it go. Can anyone help me out with this one. All my kids are feeling it but I just don't really see it, or the bits I do seem don't seem like a big deal. I am trying to be more steadfast and keep them accountable for their actions (I have adhd and those symptoms seem less bothersome too, so I can keep on top of things better now). I can't figure out if it's me, or unrealistic expectations on their end because they are used to me being scatter brained. And if it is me, how do I fix what I can't see?

I need a girlfriend because I’m so lonely and I’ve been so happy whenever I have had relationships. But, I’m so desperate (well….maybe not desperate for anybody, just a few people) that it’s so hard for me not to just give a paragraph of text about how I feel to a girl who is not interested in me (probably anyway). I wish desperation in men was attractive, but it definitely is not. Ughhhhh.

Delivery driver came on the same day I placed an order . They delivered like one thing which is weird but okay. That’s never happened before so I panicked and cancelled my entire order. Again.

did anyone had schizophrenia that is caused after drug use such as methamphetamine , lsd , or weed please reply ?

My younger relatives want to know about my mental illness. They are 16 and 13. They want to know why I take meds and why I'm going to the hospital tonight. They want to know why I act the way I do at family gatherings. I'm not sure I want to explain it to them. Its hard for me to understand tbh.

I don't enjoy anything anymore, i don't want to do anything anymore, nothing is exciting, my life is an endless cycle of monotonous days, but i don't have the energy or motivation to do anything new or different, i honestly wish i was dead, life isn't for me

Hello I don’t know how to start this but first hi, I’d like to be relatively anonymous. I’m 21 year old laaaady and I’ve had a lot of trauma in my life growing up and with quarantine I feel like I’m continuously spiraling. My official diagnosis I got a few years ago was the big three: Major Depression, Generalized Anxiety, and Bipolar. I don’t know how to ask for help. I have tried reaching out to friends but they can only do so much through a screen and the conversations usually don’t go anywhere. My parents aren’t super involved and I wouldn’t feel comfortable speaking to them. I have no where to go. I’m uninsured and I lost my job and I’m not making enough money to pay for therapy. So what do I even do? I’ve tried getting into discord’s but I feel really out of place in them. I’ve tried journaling, meditation, exercise, and everything. I just don’t want to feel like this anymore. I’m not sure what advice you can give me that i didn’t talk about but I really needed a space.

After getting diagnosed with PTSD and GAD life has been pretty bad ( most days are ok but quality of life is low). I’ve been on and off In therapy and are not on any medication. I’ve been thinking about going on meds but I also hear so many stories about how meds ruined some peoples lives ( like how the meds didn’t work or made the anxiety worse) . Then there’s another majority of people who have been helped by medication. I’m a little scared about what to do, this anxiety is so debilitating but the thought of going on medication just to make my anxiety worse scares me even more.

Does anybody else get anxiety and feel their brain searching for a specific thing to obsess over? I have the fast heartbeat and panicky feeling and my brain is running through things at a rate of knots. It feels ridiculous.

I'm usually not a fan of hospitals. But this past month has gotten to the point where I've needed to set up an action plan for my deteriorating state. Last on the list was to go to hospital. Tomorrow I will admit myself. I will need it. I've talked to the little amount of family and friends I have. They're supportive. Anxious and scared but supportive. Work has gotten too much. Full time work with 40 hr weeks with my DX's was bareable. Not anymore. My boss has given me the option to resign or to be let go. Due to me not being able to uphold my contract of set full-time hours. Some friends say they can't cause its discrimination due to sick leave. But I've only been there for 5 months and I'm not going to put up a fight. I'll be in hospital for a while to change up meds. I want to leave on good terms All I ask for is some hugs. I'll need them!

Anyone else feel like you have something on the left side of your chest and the only thing you do is keep trying to burp to release pressure? Also my left arm has been feeling tingly a lot lately. I don’t want to over think and think it has something to do with by heart. I feel like it’s acid reflux but now sure. If anyone has any tips to get rid of it it would help thanks

Overstimulation has become a big problem for me at work. I work at Starbucks, in a small drive thru only location. There’s 6 of us in there at a time, and no customers are able to enter. Lately at almost every shift I become overstimulated and my chest starts to hurt and I feel like I can’t breathe. I have to take my headset off. I feel like if any were to brush past me or touch me I’d lose it. It’s too loud, I’m going too fast. My hands shake and I can’t hold onto drinks. I feel made and irritated and like I need to be the only one making drinks because everyone else is in my way. I’m currently on 10mg of lexapro, and that’s helped me with my social anxiety and allows me to stand up for myself and be more confrontational and confident. I just have no idea how to handle these bouts of overstimulation and irritability. Any advice is welcomed. Thanks!

like I’ve always viewed my “trauma” as mild. my mom was unpredictable (as a result of her mood disorder, depression/anxiety, insomnia, PMDD, & substance misuse) and she yelled a lot and got physical on some occasions and i guess you could say i have religious trauma, but ive never viewed my childhood as traumatic. Idk, I feel spineless, like i shouldn’t be this way because my childhood wasn’t great but others have had it so much worse.

You think subs for borderlines would have mods that actually take into consideration how users feel or make decisions that would benefit the community as a whole. Leniency, understanding, flexibility. But no, the mods on r/BPD allow non borderlines to tear down posts from borderlines about their non pleasant issues. Mods on the other thread, wouldnt let me post one post about my idea for a subreddit for only borderlines despite there being no rule against it. Guess ill kindly fuck off then. Bye all, its been real. Im glad i could help a few of you while i could.

confined to my room because i can’t do anything alone. ..i don’t want to reach out to my friends because i don’t want for them to worry and not be happy today. .. but i’m also battling my inner thoughts to disappear. ..should i try to go out and explore my new city alone?

So I was supposed to start meds sometime this month and my appointment was today. Originally I wasn’t gonna comply with taking meds, and was just gonna meet the doctor but decided to ask for meds. Anyways this gave me bad anxiety the past few weeks and today it was terrible. I was shaking, and very neverous about it when talking to my therapist. The doctors appointment was literally 15 mins after my appointment with my therapist in the same building. So I talked to the doctor got very bad anxiety, then picked up the script and went home. When I got home I took my meds. Before the pill even went down my throat I started shaking very badly. Then I started feeling like total shit, and had a panic attack. It started to get worse to as I thought some of the shit I was feeling wasn’t a panic attack but the meds. Turned out not to be the meds as 1 hour after taking the meds I only felt tired and extreme thrist and not the stomach, chest pains, racing thoughts and bad tremors I was having

I suffer from GAD and emetophobia, and I’m currently on holiday in southeast Asia. I have had some amazing experiences on this trip but a rather large portion of it has been ruined by my anxiety. I have had more panic attacks these few weeks than in the last 6 months, mostly due to the extreme heat and how I seem unable to handle it. I can never tell if it’s a heat stroke or a panic attack which forces me to stay inside a good portion of the day. The symptoms of panic attacks and overheating are so similar, it’s immensely triggering. I also struggle with eating new foods as I am constantly scared of getting food poisoning or other diseases, and as soon as I get the slightest stomach ache or nausea I go full panic mode. I am hyper aware of my body all the time and it’s exhausting. I feel so ungrateful for just wanting to go home to the comfort of what I know, because I want to enjoy travelling and I do, my body and brain just can’t handle it. Has anyone got any tips for me? Or just a similar experience

I'm a 20 year old male. I don't do any drugs/drink any alcohol and I'm physically slim and pretty active. I'm not on any sorta medication aside from magnesium for obvious reasons. Have only had anemia back when I was very young but that was thankfully resolved a very LONG time ago. This all started around December of last year, where I woke up in the morning suddenly not being able to breathe well, sharp chest pain and very fast heartbeats. Ever since that day, my life became living hell as I suffered from these symptoms: Heart palpitations frequently, chest pain as well as occasional back pain, discomfort around my stomach when sitting or laying down (almost like a knot in my gut), shortness of breath especially when laying down though it almost sorta disappears when I'm standing up and walking around or when I'm heavily occupied with something. An extremely terrifying choking sensation when my breathing feels like it just stopped and makes me gasp for air, almost like my throat completely closed up before being able to breathe again after a shockwave feeling through my chest and arms, this one happens randomly and especially when I'm swallowing. Dizziness, a lump in my throat which makes me cough alot. Very bad gas issues and acid reflux that causes me to burp and belch all the time, even with a healthy diet and occasional headaches and stomachaches. Seems like alot, yeah... And I don't know how long I can endure this. I've obviously went to the doctors and the ER back in February, got an Echocardiogram and an X-ray which both came back completely fine. I'm now taking magnesium pills but they don't seem to be doing anything at all, these symptoms still hit full force and make me think my life will be cut short. Please, I beg you, someone explain to me if this really is just anxiety being a menace or is it actually something severe that's slowly killing me without me knowing. I just want to feel normal again, I can't live a life like this in constant fear of dying every. single. day.

Currently in the military and waiting on my wife to join me where I am stationed. She is 4-5 months pregnant and I have been dealing with stress from work and trying to get everything settled for when she gets out here. I’m also trying to quit nicotine to improve my PT scores and just become healthy for my little girl that’s due in May. Every night my chest hurts and and I crave nicotine and try to quit but I end up buying more, then throwing them away right after because I’m ashamed. I just need help/advice. I’m super anxious all the time about how I deal with this and if I’m going about it the right way. Thanks in advance.

So, I am going to speak to my boss today and tell him that I would require additional resource person in the team working on the projects that I am currently involved in. I have written it down on my Google note and I am just going to read it to him over phone so that I don't miss any pointers + articulate my anxiety/concern better. My heart has been beating so fast since I woke up and I need to get it off my chest asap. I am just waiting for the call to happen. I can not fall in the same loop of exploitation again and again where I am doing the work of two people. It's important that I flag the issues that are bothering me right now so that later I am not in a position where I have no space to voice my concerns. If mental health of an employee matters to an organisation, then they will ensure to put systems in place to help the employee. If not, then maybe I can try for a couple of months and then move on to a better workplace. Not that I believe there exists one really. Anyway, sharing here because I wanted to feel better.

My mind tells me it will be all right don't worry... even if things don't work out as planned you can always end it, you have seen enough, endured much, there the no point in living a life of endless misery.

I was involved with the UK mental health team 10+ years ago and it as awful. I was just wondering if anyone knows if things have progressed anymore since then? I have had to contact them again and am waiting for an appointment and frankly I'm so scared.

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I see ads for mental health apps every now and then. I was wondering if any of you guys actually used any and if you like it?

I am really sorry if this sound disrespectful to you guys but i feel like i might have BPD, in fact, i have some of the symptons. I always wanted to cut myself or commit suicide, this happens daily. ​ But I can never do it because I'm such a coward and an idiot. ​ I'm sorry if this seems disrespectful but I also love attention, sometimes I even wish something bad would happen to me so that I get people's attention. ​ My emotions change quickly, one moment I'm depressed without hope and the next I'm hopeful and full of joy. ​ I know this might sound pathetic but I like to do it so I feel less empty. ​ Everything is extremely boring in my life, nothing is as fun as it used to be, the same thing every day. ​ My feelings with people change quickly, one moment I love them and another I hate them. (I constantly hate my parents and another love them, I don't understand why.) ​ I also have extremely low self-esteem. ​ I feel empty too. ​ I have too little patience but I never got to explode with anger, as much as I have a lot of will, I can control it. ​ Sometimes I dissociate, it's extremely random. ​ In my experience, I eat too much. ​ I don't know if the cause of this was my parents and my brother, my father was an alcoholic and was extremely impatient, my mother didn't do anything about it if my father did something to me, my older brother oppressed me daily. Yeah, that´s it i guess.

Life isn't for me, nothing good ever happens to me. I realized that I am more suited for death, peace and quiet. Nothing to complain, nothing to compare to. Death > Life. Life sucks and it is only suited for a chosen few in this world. Stupid lucky ass people.

This is the first time I've ever written about or spoken about the thoughts going through my mind on a day-to-day basis and to be honest I have no idea how to format or structure this but I'm hoping I can find people who have experienced similar and might be able to help me. I am a 23 year old male living in the UK, I've never been formally diagnosed with any mental disorder/illness (as mentioned, I've quite literally never spoken to anybody about this) but I have really been struggling as of late. It's always been a worry for me, I always just thought I was a bit of an overthinker and excessive worrier but in recent times (particularly 2022) it's become a lot worse. To keep this post a reasonable length I will just summarise rather than go into too much detail. I have been learning to drive for a number of years, with a big gap in the middle due to COVID-19. I took my first driving lesson when I was 18, I have taken multiple tests and failed all (exact number not too sure, think it is around 4 tests taken to date). This is one element which upsets me a lot. I have had a few friends who started learning later than me and passed already. This is one element which makes me feel totally useless and even though I am still trying I'm not sure if I could take another fail to be honest. I actually have another driving test soon and I'm extremely anxious about this (the thought of this makes me panic but I'm praying I can get through!) I have a small friendship group and although we get along amazingly well, it feels like particularly in recent months we just don't see or speak to each other much at all. They all have girlfriends and jobs and while I understand that this is part of life it doesn't make the loneliness any easier. And no I do not have a girlfriend myself and at this moment I do not particularly want one. As the quote goes '*how can you love somebody if you don't even love yourself?'* At work I am forced to meet strict deadlines and work at extremely high pace (these are the perks of working in finance after all) - I knew that this is what I was signing up for so I don't think that I can really complain, but I think this can tend to cause me a lot of stress and particularly when we have those 'heat of the moment' incidents, which I understand happen (just as an example I have been labelled useless, spineless and an idiot on various occasions before). Sometimes I come home from work just thinking about what is going to go wrong tomorrow, or in some cases if I know a mistake has been made I will be panicking and worrying about the consequences. I am also very self-conscious about the way I look and act, this probably links in to the no girlfriend section slightly, but in my head I believe that I am totally abnormal inside and out, and this can tend to make social interaction difficult for me (what I mean by this is that I'm very reluctant to even try and speak to people I don't know). I've tried various things to sort this but it feels like nothing I do makes me feel any better about myself. There are probably other points I could make here but I feel like the general message is clear. In truth I feel as though I am pretty worthless and offer nothing out of the ordinary compared to other people. I would be lying if I said I haven't thought about the world without me in it on multiple occasions and I honestly feel as though not many people would care. It feels as though between the ages of 17-23 I have achieved absolutely nothing, although in my head this should be the age the somebody achieves the most! The hardest part for me is seeing my parents, colleagues or friends, putting on a fake smile and telling them I'm all good and have had a good day - and then when I am alone, the whole expression changing and many times crying/sobbing to myself. I'm sorry if this is poorly written, as mentioned I've never spoken or written about this before but I felt as though I could not keep it bottled up anymore. I'm still afraid to tell people I know IRL but I feel as though this is a good first step. Can anybody relate in anyway to some of the points I have raised here and offer any kind of guidance? I seriously feel lost and have done for some time and don't know where to turn anymore.

I'm 43. Diagnosed at 15. Married for 7 years. Lately my wife has become increasingly frustrated with my newfound confidence in telling her when she's hurt my feelings. I try to say it in the gentlest, most matter-of-fact way, but it's hard. For both of us. I haven't told her that I'm Borderline and I don't know how to. I just drove her 400 miles at the drop of a hat ("Hey, I need you to drive me to Monterey, find something to do for seven hours with no money, and then drive me home. Also figure out a cat sitter and clean the house) and didn't mention the fact that she was just gonna get stoned and wait for me to cook dinner when we came back. She wants salad as well as chicken and potatoes and chard, and got bristly when I asked if she would be in charge of salad. Guilt tripped me. I asked her if she thought her contribution to our home began and ended with working, and she got bristlier. I don't get a day off. Every day I clean, shop, cook, pick up her cat's poo (which is never in the litter box). Every day I meet her at the car and say "Welcome home, I love you" every day I see her off to work with an "I love you I hope you have a good day." Every day I feel like a dog in a cage. How do I tell her what frustrates me? How can I help her understand what upsets me? That I get ashamed and upset when she takes me for granted? I have never split her black, only ever myself. This isn't good for me, it isn't good for us. How do I tell my wife, whom I love so much, that I'm strapped to a bomb?

My SO is mad at me because I don't really share a lot of my feelings or what's going on in my life. I completely understand where she's coming from. It's reasonable for the person you're dating to share things. I try to be what I think she needs me to be. So I don't tell her the bad things or the things that frustrate me. It feels like I'm constantly whining if I do. She told me to just be myself instead of the person I think she wants. But how do I do that? I know she won't want to hear my intrusive thoughts. The fact that when she doesn't text me back, it makes me think she doesn't want to be together anymore. The fact that when I'm not with her I'm so unhappy. I know most of what I feel isn't real. It's the BPD. I know she's busy when she doesn't text back. But it still hurts. No one wants to hear all that. She's not my therapist and I don't want to use her like one. What is the middle ground?? How can I be myself and not what I think she wants?