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z3pz25 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-24T17:39:47 | My sister is turning into the biggest bridezilla. And I can’t stop laughing. | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z3pz25/my_sister_is_turning_into_the_biggest_bridezilla/ | false | false | [
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z3qps8 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-24T18:11:22 | My sister is turning into the biggest bridezilla. And I can’t stop laughing. | NEW UPDATE | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z3qps8/my_sister_is_turning_into_the_biggest_bridezilla/ | false | false | [
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z3qwhs | \*\*I am NOT OP. Original post by [u/Commercial\_Low1383](https://www.reddit.com/u/Commercial_Low1383/)/ in [r/TIFU](https://www.reddit.com/r/TIFU/)\*\*
trigger warnings: >!ableism, abusive family!<
mood spoilers: >!sad!<
Hi, this is my first post to this community, I decided to post the whole "guacamole" so it's a bit long. I apologize ahead for that.
\---
[TIFU by expecting my family to pay for my birthday party](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/ykkemb/tifu_by_expecting_my_family_to_pay_for_my/) 2022 Nov. 2nd
Yesterday I turned eighteen years old. For the past six years like clockwork everyday on my birthday we'd go to the same place for dinner and I'd always get the same thing. For those who are a bit confused, I have extreme OCD and high functioning autism. Which means I'm very well regulated and like things to stay the same way that they always have been. Back to the story.
Every year on my birthday we go to Applebee's. The first thing I would get is the steak and shrimp parmesan with a side of loaded mashed potatoes, and cheesy steamed broccoli. Hate me or not, with a side of mozzarella sticks. In total its around 30$ A bit expensive I know.
I couldn't really tell something was off until a bit later because when me, my mother, my stepfather, and my older brother sat down. They didn't really say anything. I was confused at first and started tapping my fingers on one another like I always do. The conversation went a little bit like this. (Not an exact replica)
Mother: "Well..." I was rather confused. "Well?" Mother: "Aren't you gonna call the waiter over?" This gave me extreme anxiety. I have extreme issues with speaking with people and I tend to stutter and get very very scared if that's the right word.
I asked her if she could do it and she does it in a huff. My dad and brother staring nonchalantly. As she calls the waiter over the alarm bells are ringing in my head this is never how it went before.
As the waiter gets to the table he asks everyone what they want and everyones orders. As he gets to me, my mother stops him and tells him "Separate Bill" This is when my heart began beating very fast. I dont know a job, all the money I get is from our neighbors raking leaves.
I just kinda freeze. I don't really say anything and I get a really bad stomach ache from the anxiety. This is where I am conflicted on whether im the asshole or not. My mother would explain at the table that now that I am 18 I should be able to pay for my own things. I was already feelings nauseous from the situation so I just said I dont have the money. My mom kinda huffs and shoos the waiter away.
This soured the dinner party. However my mom also paid for my 23 YO brother. My family were calling me an entitled little A-hole the whole ride home. When I got home I just ran to my room and cried. They've been ignoring me the whole day.
I may be bad at social queues, but my family has never acted like this before, I mean never. They've been treating my horrible the whole day. I feel very angry and upset, at my family. If I would've been warned I would've saved my raking money.
I also don’t mean this to be a validation post I have all the information you have. I’m just very confused and im terrible with social queues. Aspergers am I right?
My family gets a little tight on money, I guess I really should've asked before I assumed they were gonna pay it for me. But I missed out on my birthday dinner because I wasn’t mature enough to bring my own money. I’m just gonna rake leaves for a couple weeks to order it from take out.
Edit 1: before you start like attacking my family this could totally just be me missing some social queue or something. I’m very terrible at picking up hints.
Edit 2: I understand what my parents was horrible. But I can’t claim I didn’t do anything wrong when there was nothing wrong beforehand. I’ve cried about it and tried speaking with them but they don’t want to talk to me. I don’t know what I did. For everyone concerned about me, I am fine thank. Thank everyone for the birthday wishes.
Edit 3: also everyone, I’m high functioning autistic, it’s a bit difficult to pick up on social cues and besides the anxiety I’m fine. I’m gonna have a sit down with my parents tomorrow and talk things over. This post kinda painted them as monsters, but, I was a very tough kid. Everyone’s saying to leave and call the state etc, A psychologist deemed me perfectly capable of being independent if I could work on my anxiety. My parents have been loving, but I could be a troublemaker sometimes.
Last post edit: I also don’t want to do a 12 update thing. So when I figure out what’s going on and if I get answers I’ll post it on a mini post on my own account. No need to flood [r/tifu](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/)
TLDR: Family brings me to traditional birthday dinner, expects me to pay for my own food not knowing I dont have any money.
[1st Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/ym3ndw/tifu_by_expecting_my_family_to_pay_for_my/) 2022 Nov. 4th
Link to first post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/ykkemb/tifu\_by\_expecting\_my\_family\_to\_pay\_for\_my/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/ykkemb/tifu_by_expecting_my_family_to_pay_for_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Hey everyone. you guys can call me Tony like everyone else :)Thanks for all the support and just wanted to say thanks so much to everyone. Also I’m sorry that I misspelled cues’
I was able to sit down with my mom this morning. At first I was rather angry with them but she would try to explain her side or events.
She told me that in order for me to be more independent I had to learn that people didn’t always get what they wanted. Even if it’s on our birthday, or Christmas, or any holiday. I asked her why they didn’t just have a sit down and talk with me. She said it wouldn’t be as effective.
She went into a whole lecture about how I’ve been leaching off of them for the past few months and that I need to learn how to be a proper adult.
When I asked her if we were going to go back to Applebee’s so we could do a birthday dinner makeover. Since I learned my lesson. She got angry.
For everyone wondering if I got any gifts for my birthday. From my family no, the dinner is usually the treat.
Am I missing the point of this “lesson” I understand that we don’t always get what we want. I feel like my mom is manipulating me.
I tried asking my brother about it and all he said was talk to mom. Sorry this isn’t a climactic update, I’m sorry that it’s not a happy ending. But this is all the information I have. Thanks for reading redditors. ❤️
Guys, I love my family so much. I do, but I feel like they’re lying to me about stuff. I think they want me to leave the house. If that’s the case I’m gonna talk to my case worker at school whos in charge of my IEP.
Again, I did not mean this as a validation post or anything. I was just genuinely confused and wondered if I had missed anything.
Edit 1: hey everyone! Thanks for the kind advice, currently I am job hunting and scoping out friends to let me stay with them.
Edit 2: comments have been locked. Sorry guys. Feel free to message me ❤️
This will likely be my last update on it ❤️
TLDR; my mother told me it was a life lesson
[2nd Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/yo7jv3/tifu_by_expecting_my_family_to_pay_for_my/) 2022 Nov. 6th
Link to original post on my account: [https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/ykkemb/tifu\_by\_expecting\_my\_family\_to\_pay\_for\_my/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/ykkemb/tifu_by_expecting_my_family_to_pay_for_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Second update: [https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/ym3ndw/tifu\_by\_expecting\_my\_family\_to\_pay\_for\_my/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/ym3ndw/tifu_by_expecting_my_family_to_pay_for_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
I appreciate everyone reaching out. I tried to respond to everyone but I awoke with 500 messages.
I am still at my families house. For more information, my mom has been receiving social security for me since I was eight. It was about 800-900$ a month. This money helped pay rent, get food for the house, etc. My mom tried convincing me to allow her to be my guardian, when I refused to sign anything, I had a evaluation done which included a IQ test, and some basic questions. The whole time my mother would try to lie saying I couldn’t take care of myself, to the point when the psychiatrist got mad at her and sent her out. I think my mom may have Munchausen syndrome. Im not sure and I’m not gonna diagnose her. My stepdad, is not an asshole and is actually way nicer to me than my mom. In fact my stepdad tried putting aside cash for me for when I came of age but my mom wouldn’t let him. My half brother is a lot like my mother personality wise. Always takes her side on everything, never went to college, and doesn’t have a job.
For my mother’s context, (this doesn’t excuse her actions) she has bipolar disorder. However, she blames her disorder for everything. She will say the rudest thing to you and cut you down to your core. Then the next day pretend everything is fine and never talk about it. If you try to bring it up she says I was having an episode.
I understand I have a disability. But it’s a disability that I can live with. I’ve been going to therapy for anxiety and have been doing a lot better than I used to be.
I don’t know what my future holds, I’m trying to look for a job and places to stay at the moment. When I’m able to leave I’m cutting my mom out of my life. My stepdad I’ll stay in contact with, my stepbrother maybe if he can escape my moms influence.
I’ve been severely manipulated, and emotionally abused. I see that now, reflecting on everything. To think, this all started with a birthday dinner I couldn’t have. I’m thinking about contacting my biological dads family, he left when I was younger and I haven’t had contact with his family sense. My mom always told me they didn’t want to see me but then again that could’ve been a lie too.
Hope this answered any questions you had. This will be my last update, thank you all for supporting my through this journey, I don’t wanna clog up tifu
If you’d like to offer advice or anything please message me. I will read every message ❤️
TLDR: mom is bipolar, brother has her personality, stepdad is okay, gonna reach out to biological dads family
[3rd Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/yq6rpr/tifu_update_by_expecting_my_family_to_pay_for_my/) 2022 Nov. 8th
So my mom found the Reddit posts. I don’t how or when. But I think my brother had something to do with it. She went on a huge temper tantrum throwing things across the room calling me the R slur. for “making her look bad” and how almost all of it was lies.
I asked her to explain how any of it was a lie and she completely dodged the question. I remember just crying and asking her why she refused to buy me my birthday dinner on my 18th birthday. She wouldn’t answer me. It was only 30$ guys, I know it sounds expensive but it wasn’t that much considering I never ask for anything on my birthday.
She continued to call me a liar and has since told me that I’m being evicted. (I have been served “papers” but I was planning on leaving anyway) she’s been crying and ignoring me.
Now I am seriously confused and doubting myself. At first I thought I had gotten everything, I had all the information. But am I missing something? Everyone’s been telling me no on here which has risen my confidence. But this was a total shattering moment. I feel like an idiot and I feel terrible, but she called me a leach.
I can’t tell if I’m being manipulated or not. I can’t tell if this is just another lie. I feel like I’m going batshit crazy staying here.
I didn’t mean to get everyone entangled in all of this and I didn’t mean for this to go insanely viral. I didn’t give out her name, I gave out my nickname that I’ve been called. Maybe a few of her friends recognized the post and me. I can’t really tell.
I still plan to reach out to my dad. My stepdad hasn’t really said anything and just sat on the couch nonchalantly while my mother was on her tyrannical speech about how I was Satans spawn.
I’ve said this in almost every post. I’m insanely sorry for clogging tifu. I don’t mean this to be validating or anything. If the mods want me to stop posting I will.
Feel free to dm me
Link to original post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/ykkemb/tifu\_by\_expecting\_my\_family\_to\_pay\_for\_my/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/ykkemb/tifu_by_expecting_my_family_to_pay_for_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
TLDR; Mom is kicking me out after she found the Reddit posts.
[Last Update (on user profile)](https://www.reddit.com/user/Commercial_Low1383/comments/yupar6/update/) 2022 Nov. 13th
Update
Original post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/ykkemb/tifu\_by\_expecting\_my\_family\_to\_pay\_for\_my/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/ykkemb/tifu_by_expecting_my_family_to_pay_for_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Check out my account for the other updates please.
Well, I couldn’t get in contact with my dad. I messaged him on Facebook and tried getting ahold of his friends. None responded.
Currently I am couch surfing with a friend. I would’ve stayed at my house for a bit longer but my mom and my brother had a fight with me and they got physical with me. So I began feeling unsafe in that environment.
I didn’t take much with me but a bag full of clothes and the documents I could get a hold of. I’ve blocked my mom and my brother on all forms of social media.
The friends dad I’m staying with said I could stay as long as I like but I feel like I’m overstaying my welcome.
TLDR; A fight at the house got physical, I am staying with a friend, couldn’t contact my biological dad
\*\*Reminder - I am not the original poster.\*\* | 6,555 | 2022-11-24T18:19:09 | New Update! OOP expects family to pay for family dinner | ONGOING | Standard-River-5629 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z3qwhs/new_update_oop_expects_family_to_pay_for_family/ | false | false | [
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z3qxdi | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/cute_quarter_9399 in r/weddingshaming**
trigger warnings: >!PPD, manipulation!<
---
&nbsp;
[**My sister is turning into the biggest bridezilla. And I can’t stop laughing.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingshaming/comments/wqry1a/my_sister_is_turning_into_the_biggest_bridezilla/) - 17 August 2022
So, a little background. I am the second youngest of 5 kids. My older siblings are two brothers and one older sister, who we’ll call E for the purposes of this post.
E and I have a 5 year age gap, as a result we never really had that “sisterly” bond you would expect most sisters have. Growing up I was always a burden to her, and anytime it was my turn to pick the family movie (or really anything) she would get upset. The reason being that she had control issues as early as 9.
So I’m guessing you can already see where I’m going with this. I’m currently 18 (about to turn 19 - woohoo!) and E turned 24 earlier this year. Her bf “A” proposed to her at a family beach day earlier in June of this year. It was one of those “big white letters and rose pedals” proposals which he set up before my family arrived. She was thrilled, said yes, and my parents were very happy along with my older siblings (the youngest is 4 so I don’t think she understood what was happening).
Now here’s the drama - since the proposal she has gone into full bridezilla mode. At the behest of my mom, E made me a bridesmaid. So I’m roped into all the b.s. so far these are the demands my dear sister has made:
1. All bridesmaids are to pay for their own dress (a $300 dress! In blush pink), shoes, hair, and makeup.
2. All bridesmaids need to attend all wedding and bachelorette events, including:
a. The bachelorette spa day $800 each
B. The bachelorette vacation weekend to Toronto and stay at the Fairmont hotel $1000 weekend just for hotel
C. The dress appointments (even if just for bride), all alterations covered by the person themselves. $300 dress plus approx $300 alterations etc
D. All things to do with wedding (cake, venue, catering etc) they need to attend. The cake and food tasting, they all need to pay $25
E. The guests, and the bridal/groom party need to pay $150 to reserve their spots. And gifts have to be either cash, cheque, or from the list of registry items. She has a spreadsheet of what everyone is gifting, and has said she will return items that aren’t from her registry/match her theme
My mom says it’s bride anxiety, I say it’s just my sister trying to control everything because she wants a December wedding on a ski hill. Bleh 🤮
Anyways, I figure if people are interested, I could update periodically on what happens. Thanks for reading!
ETA: I realized I didn’t include the controlling parts. My bad. Here they are
1. All bridesmaids need to go to hair and skin appointments every 6 weeks to ensure our hair and skin is “flawless” for pictures, it’s out of pocket too
2. Anyone with tattoos needs to cover them (our dresses will do that. They go to the neck, ankles, and wrists. The bride wants to be the only one sleeveless/showing her tattoos and colourful hair style). Either we need to get our hair dyed to a natural colour, or wear a wig at our expense
3. The dresses only come in sizes 00-10 (pretty good range for most. But those who don’t fit are expected to try to lose weight. I’m a size 12, and already my sister is calling me fat. She’s sent me a keto diet book through Amazon.
4. No one (vendors) are to communicate directly to the bride/groom. It has to go through us first. She made a gmail with “lastnamewedding” which we all have access to, and we aren’t supposed to ask her if something is okay. We should just know (this is the part that stresses mom out)
5. We need to remind the guests that they need to pay a deposit of $150 to save their spot, and if we don’t get it, they don’t come. We also need them to confirm what they’ll purchase from the registry or the $ amount they’ll give.
Edit 2: y’all are making me realize my family isn’t normal. I’m going to look into therapy with my uni and seeing if I can move into residence earlier. I want to thank the person who private messaged me about getting my mom off my bank account and also get my birth certificate etc. I think I’m going to do that after I talk to the people at the bank.
I texted my mom (I’m at work right now) if her, dad, and I can talk about it while sister is gone to her fiancés for the night. I’m hoping to show my mom and dad this post to help them understand where I’m coming from
Edit 3: I’m going to take some time away from this alt - just because a lot of you are right. This isn’t normal, our relationship as a family is not normal. I called my aunt while I was at work (for those of you who don’t know, she’s my godmother, and she thinks my mom is nuts) and we talked about it. She’s encouraging me to talk to my parents about everything (not only the wedding, but favouritism etc since childhood) and she’s also on standby in case things go to shit.
My shift at work finishes in a few more hours, then I’ll go home and pack a quick bag of stuff for my aunt to grab before my parents and I talk.
&nbsp;
[**Update to “My sister is turning into a bridezilla and I can’t stop laughing”**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Cute_Quarter_9399/comments/wxirsg/update_to_my_sister_is_turning_into_a_bridezilla/) - 25 August 2022
Firstly, I just wanted to apologize for how long this has taken. My parents originally planned to talk that night, but mom said she wasn’t feeling good and decided to go to sleep early (around 6 pm) and that feeling stayed for a while. We then got busy moving my sister into her fiancés place and by the time everything settled, my parents forgot we had something to discuss, and kinda brush it off to the side. We finally had the conversation two days ago and I needed a day to think and just react to things.
So without further adieu, here is the update.
As you can expect, the update isn’t the best. But not really for the reasons you might think. I don’t know if I have a text limit so apologies if there is a part 2 (link below)
So turns out my dad never knew the whole story, he knew he was responsible for paying for my sisters dress And a portion of the wedding or honey moon. The reason for this is that my parents told me (dad confirmed with bank records) that my parents had been setting up 25k accounts for myself and each of my siblings. The rule was that these accounts could be used for anything once we turned 19 and went off to post secondary. It was our money to use. I just turned 19 and my dad was getting ready to sign the money over to me when we had this conversation. Which caused a bit of a blow up, but right now I need to give some background info I was given.
Right after sister got engaged, she apparently had a conversation with my mom about how she always felt like the child left out (she’s used this line before so I do believe my mom fell for it and was guilt tripped). As a result of a very long conversation, my mom figured that she could divert some of the funds from all the kids accounts to pay for sisters wedding.
For those wondering, my two older brothers are in the military. They aren’t married yet, and live on base. They never used their 25k because the army in Canada pays for your education, housing etc. So my mom had 50k at her disposal. Then combined with my sisters and my 25k it would have been 100k. Mom figured that because I had 17k saved up, she could just give me my 25k later for a car or a house payment…or wedding (bleh)
Sister did this because again, she is a master manipulator (side note: thank you to the wonderful redditors who sent me to various sub reddits for narcissism and support along with those who sent articles on it to me) and possible narcissist. She used some of my moms mental and physical health conditions against her.
When I was born, mom went through very bad PPD, resulting in her leaving to a treatment facility for 4 months. Leaving my sister, two brothers, me, and dad behind. My two older brothers at the time were 9 and 7 at the time and me, only a few months. Sister for reference was 5 or just shy of 5 (I honestly don’t care to calculate), since my brothers were trouble my dad and his brother (my uncle) had his hands full, and a live in nanny did the stuff for me, so my sister had my aunt (who lived with us at the time) and got little to no attention from dad at an age where attention is important. I think that triggered the bad sides of her to come out.
While the nanny did help sister with basics (food, water, bath, clothes, a little play) she wasn’t a replacement for mom. Even my aunt wasn’t a replacement for mom despite her being there mainly for sister and sleeping in the same bed as her, helping her with homework, having girls trips etc.
When mom came back, sister had a huge grudge, but not to mom, but to me. I was the reason mom left. Which led to her trying to smother me with a pillow. Mom caught her in time and it was a “funny” story for us as a family. Turns out that’s a coping mechanism.
Over my childhood, sister has used manipulation to get what she wants, and she did it for the wedding too. Mom felt bad, and decided to give her little dove everything she desired. Common things I heard growing up were “you always give (me) XYZ! I want this!“ *proceeds to have a melt down* as sister grew up it wasn’t little toys and candy anymore. But girls trips. As a result of this, dad and I grew very close. He’s my best friend.
My sister and I had a decent relationship when I was 12-14, but it changed again when mom got pregnant with youngest sister (it was an accident lol) and I became the target again for sisters rage and abuse.
While I know it doesn’t excuse a lot of things, I figured it would be important to give you all the whole story. Since I forgot some very important details in my last post which I added later.
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[**Part 2 to update “my sister is turning into a bridezilla and I can’t stop laughing”**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Cute_Quarter_9399/comments/wxiup0/part_2_to_update_my_sister_is_turning_into_a/) - 25 August 2022
So now with the back info done, here’s what happened:
A day after sister moved out I asked my mom and dad to please finally have the convo with me. Mom was feeling better so we sat down and we’re talking. I told them how I felt, how much of a financial toll it would be on me, how it wasn’t fair etc.
Well, Dad blew up. He didn’t know about the 100k, or the things sisters was doing etc. He didn’t like the fact that mom used a lot of “your father and I agree” talk even tho they hadn’t (I showed group chat screenshots). We worked through the wedding issue (I don’t have to attend) and the 25k for me issue (dad is signing it over early).
Then I was asked to go to my room for a bit because dad and mom wanted to talk. They settled the budget issue on their own. Dad then asked why I didn’t feel comfortable to talk to them earlier, so I showed them this post. My dad snapped. He immediately called my sister and told her to come here ASAP because he needed to talk to her and would not accept excuses. She said she would be here in 4 hours because she was with fiancé and his parents. Dad pressed, and she hung up and blocked him.
Dad told me to go to my room once again, but to leave my phone so they could go over the post and see the comments. I don’t know exactly what happened but mom came to talk to me later. She then told me about the PPD etc (I didn’t know about it earlier). We solved our issues and I finished by asking if sister would go to therapy. Because moms convinced that the 4 month leave caused this stuff in her, mom said she’d try, but can’t force. I told her if sister doesn’t go, I’m going NC with her and possibly LC with mom.
Dad then joined the convo and assured me I would get my money, and I wouldn’t have to go to wedding if I didn’t want to. Since sister is charging $150 per guest, she can pay for her grandios wedding through that. Soon to be BIL and his family aren’t paying for shit apparently, so now they have to or sister doesn’t get to have her ski hill wedding.
Speaking of the $150 fee, y’all were right. It was sister who concocted the whole thing and told mom it was an Italian thing. We talked to sisters MIL when she dropped sister off (sister doesn’t drive) and MIL was shocked that Sister had said that. There is apparently a money dance, but no $150 fee.
So onto what happened when sister came back. She came after 5 hours, and while MIL was there she was sweet as pie. But when MIL left, oh lord the gates to hell broke lose. She demanded why dad disturbed the peaceful evening and demanded he drive her back. Dad said he didn’t care and to sit down. She refused, they fought. Finally she sat down after dad started pulling out various tricks. Including money or telling MIL about sisters true nature (which I guess fiancé hasn’t seen much of)
I was excused to my room again. There was a lot of angry yelling back and forth and a lot of manipulation from sister, including threats of LC/NC or no seeing possible grand kids in the future. She was trying to get mom to go back to original plan (100k plan) and mom and dad weren’t budging.
The fighting continued and stopped when my dad yelled saying mom isn’t her punching bag and her PPD was not her fault and if she was that angry about it, go to therapy.
After that I was called back down, and we went over all the issues. Starting with the Keto book, sister tried to defend saying i was fat and lazy, dad defended me. Sister started to cry and mom told dad to be a little softer, which he did. We finally discussed everything and I felt like part of the family instead of like a punching bag. Sister eventually got an Uber and left because she was “being attacked”. We’re going to wait until Christmas time when brothers are back in town so we can all discuss what we need as a family to go forward and be healthy. But it will most likely be therapy or cutting sister out.
Mom and dad are still figuring out the full budget issue with my sisters in-laws. My parents told them that for such a wedding to happen everyone would need to contribute. In-laws agreed that 100,000 for a wedding is insane. Last I heard, sister will get her 15k for the wedding, which is basically 5k because 10k dress (since it’s already ordered - the other 10k is being held for something tangible) and then her in-laws are being generous and helping with 15 K. 10 to wedding 5 to honeymoon.
As for my schooling, Dad and I are going to the bank tomorrow and we’re going to pay the cancellation fee for the loan I had to take out. The loan only officially starts when I start school so thankfully the cancellation fee is very small. My dad is paying for the fee because he admits that I should’ve never had had to take the loan out. My parents agreed that my first year of university along with housing costs will not come out of my budget (the 17k or the 25k) so they will pay themselves. The full amount that they budgeted for me is going to be transferred into something called a TFSA for later in life.
Well mom and I still have a somewhat rocky relationship, sister absolutely hates me. She blamed me for everything, and said that I have caused irreparable damage to her relationship with her fiancé and in-laws. Because of this, she’s banned me from the wedding and from her life. I honestly don’t care, I don’t really see it as losing a sister I see it as losing a bully. I made a promise to my mom and dad that I would never treat my younger sister like that. I’m going to be the role model she deserves and I’m going to be her protector like my brothers and my father were for me.
I think I covered everything that needs to be covered but if you guys have any questions feel free to ask them. I’m very thankful for the sub Reddit for teaching me what a real family is about, and for teaching me about boundaries and communication.
Have an amazing life you gorgeous humans.
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[**3 month post update to “my sister is turning into a bridezilla and I can’t stop laughing”**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Cute_Quarter_9399/comments/ywwrut/3_month_post_update_to_my_sister_is_turning_into/) - 16 November 2022
Hey everyone! Figured I would update you since it’s been a very long time. I apologize, i lost the log in to this account but just found it.
So onto the update.
Family therapy is going really well, my two brothers were given temporary leave to come back to Canada (they were both stationed overseas for a bit, i believe they have to go back after this) to help the process along. Our family is getting back on track and my mom and I are closer then ever! It honestly feels like I have my best friend back.
As for my sister, honestly, i don’t know what’s going on with her. A friend of mine still follows her social media, and everything seems well. The wedding was moved up to November 26th instead of December 17th like she originally planned. Her and her fiancé have bought a place. Apparently (and this is rumours) she’s pregnant.
She’s cut all of us off, and her fiancés family is talking shit about us, but we’re holding strong.
In other, more exciting news, I’m loving Ottawa! I go back home once a month for in person therapy, but I also have three virtual sessions monthly. On top of that, my oldest brother is getting married! So while I lost a terrible sister, i gained an amazing sister. She’s so sweet, texts me every couple of days, gets me Uber eats orders when I’m down despite being provinces away. She’s so so sweet. She asked if I would feel comfortable being her MOH (she’s an only child and her mom passed away) and I agreed. So by this time next year I’ll have an official new sister!
There’s not a whole lot else to say, but I also have a boyfriend. He’s in the army too (couldn’t get away from it I guess 😅) and very supportive and loving. Our 6 month anniversary is in January, and I’m looking forward to it.
Anyways thank you so much Reddit, you are all amazing, beautiful, soulful humans and I hope you all have prosperous, healthy, and fruitful lives.
I love you all
Sincerly,
Cute_Quarter_9399
P.s i might delete this account
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 9,047 | 2022-11-24T18:20:07 | [NEW UPDATE] My sister is turning into the biggest bridezilla. And I can’t stop laughing. | NEW UPDATE | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z3qxdi/new_update_my_sister_is_turning_into_the_biggest/ | false | false | [
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z3qzpv | I am not the OP. This was posted in r/AmITheAsshole . OOP’s account is deleted.
ORIGINAL POST + UPDATE (same post)
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ucmlqt/aita_for_telling_my_husband_not_to_cosign_on_his/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf April 27th, 2022
Throwaway account (my step son is on here).
I (34/f) met Stephen (49/m) 2.5 years ago. It was an unexpected love match but I found him to be funny and kind and charming and we had loads in common. We got married about a year ago and everything's been great between us.
Stephen was married to Tiffany (49/f) for 7 years, and they divorced 11 years ago. They share a 12 year old son, Taylor.
Tiffany and Stephen both worked in Healthcare and met in school. He's a doctor, she was a nurse. Their relationship ended when Tiffany admitted to infidelity and an affair shortly after Taylor was born. Stephen and Tiffany divorced and she lived with the man she had an affair with for 9 years. She had one child with him and they have since broken up. She then met another man, and had another child with him. They have also since broken up.
This is relevant because several years ago, Tiffany opted to let her nursing license lapse and to stay home with her kids.
The three fathers of her kids all pay child support, with Stephen paying the largest amount due to his income. He has no problem with child support and loves his son. The issue arose after Tiffany's last breakup.
She moved into a rental and then tried to get a mortgage approved to buy a house for her and the kids. But because Tiffany doesn't work and only has child support as her income, she cannot qualify to get a mortgage on her own.
She has asked Stephen to cosign and is laying on a heavy guilt trip about it being "what's best for his son" and that his son needs a home with lake access (I don't know why. We live on a lake and Taylor is rarely in the water when he's with us). The home she's currently renting is lovely, spacious, and she can afford it. Taylor has never expressed unhappiness about where they currently live when he's with us.
When Stephen told me this, I flat out told him not to do it. Not only do I not trust Tiffany not to destroy his credit, I also don't understand why she can't go out and get her license and start working again. There is a nursing shortage in our area and they are generously paid. She has family nearby that will happily care for the kids. We'll take Taylor more often. And if she's unwilling to do this, then why not continue renting.
Stephen told me I was being harsh on her and that it's understandable that she wants to own her own home. He's also said that he doesn't think she would damage his credit by defaulting on the mortgage.
I was married before Stephen but I don't have kids. That being said, it cost me thousands to make sure my ex- husband would never have access to my finances again.
Am I the asshole for thinking that cosigning on a house with his ex is a bad move and that she should go get a job if she wants to own a home?
**VERDICT: NTA**
Update: appreciate the many responses.
Stephen and I had a long talk about this when he got home from his conference. We discussed the issues this raises and we both agreed it's a bad idea that would strain our relationship. He admitted that he was concerned Tiffany would use his refusal to alienate his son, but also knows Taylor is old enough to come directly to him now, if he needs to.
He also apologized for worrying me and assured me he would have never moved forward without my consent, but wanted me to be in the know of what Tiffany was up to. I thanked him for being honest with me about what was happening, and knew I would have felt deceived if he hadn't told me, even if he was saying no to her.
We did discuss the option of buying and renting the home to her, but the idea of maybe being forced to evict her due to non-payment made us both pour another drink.
In the end, he messaged his ex that while he will always be there for Taylor, he can't in good faith cosign on a mortgage for her. She saw it and left him on read.
This is about as good an outcome as I could hope for and my husband and I were able to validate each other's feelings and ultimately come to a decision that we feel is right for us.
Thank you again for your responses and it's been an interesting day reading all of them. I am now going to return to my quiet, lurker profile.
Reminder, I am not the OP. | 6,497 | 2022-11-24T18:22:48 | AITA for telling my husband not to co-sign on his ex-wife's house? | CONCLUDED | aita-reader | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z3qzpv/aita_for_telling_my_husband_not_to_cosign_on_his/ | false | false | [
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z3sjs0 | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwra9067 in r/relationship_advice**
---
&nbsp;
[**Would I (38f) be an idiot if I got back together with my ex husband (37m) who cheated on me 10 years ago?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ioneid/would_i_38f_be_an_idiot_if_i_got_back_together/) - 8 September 2020
My ex, who we'll call Mike, and I were together since we were 14 and got married at 22. We have 2 kids together (15f and 11m). My ex's work takes him all over the country for a week every quarter. In one of those trips, he hooked up with one of his coworkers. I never thought he could do something like that cause our relationship was really solid. He confessed immediately after he got home. I actually would've never found out if he didn't. He begged me for forgiveness, said that he still loved me and it was a lapse in judgement but said he would understand if I wanted a divorce, which is what eventually happened. It was very amicable and he actually gave me more than I expected (house, child support, alimony).
It was a slow process but over the years we became friends again and have a good co-parenting dynamic. Mike's a great father and the kids still love him. I got married 3 years after and he was actually very supportive. I divorced my 2nd husband 2 years ago cause he changed his mind on kids (I want 1 last baby).
Since the lockdown Mike has been over frequently. At this point, our relationship is so good we dont need to enforce any of the set visits and such. Well things have been getting hot between us for the last few months and we started having sex. I'm a woman with needs too and, to be very honest with you guys, he's still the best guy I've been with after all these years. It's like our bodies were made for each other. He always joked that we were like prime Pippen and Jordan in bed and when he said that again, it felt like we were back 10 years ago when we were still together. It was supposed to be just physical but here we are...
Just a few hours ago, he brought up the idea of us getting back together. He gave me the most genuine speech about how stupid he was the night he cheated and how he never stopped loving me in the last 10 years. I was speechless and couldnt say anything so he just gave me his usual toothy smile and said "Its ok, I'll wait" before driving home.
Now I'm lying here in bed typing this out. I'd be lying to you guys if I said I didnt love him. I'd be lying if I said the last few months weren't the happiest I've been in years. And I'd be lying if I said I never forgave him for cheating. I've told him years ago that I already did.
If I had to decide right now I'd jump out of bed and drive to his house and bring him home. It's taking all my willpower not to do so. I love him. However, I also want to think with my brain here.
Pros of taking him back:
He's a great dad and the kids would have him around more
He's a great provider
He says he still wants kids
I still love him
Cons:
I don't know yet, but maybe some of you can help me with that
Any advice on how I should proceed?
Edit: I made the first move when we started sleeping together
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE: Would I (38f) be an idiot if I got back together with my ex husband (37m) who cheated on me 10 years ago?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/irpvm5/update_would_i_38f_be_an_idiot_if_i_got_back/) - 13 September 2020
Its been a few days now since I've posted and reddit has given me some solid advice especially the kind redditors who messaged me directly. I'm very grateful for this cause it helped me calm down and not give in to my impulses.
The morning after I posted, I texted Mike saying that I needed time and space to think about everything. He then replied with "I've waited 10 years, I can wait a bit longer". My heart melted.
When the kids woke up, our son was looking for his dad. He's at the age now where he pretty much idolized his dad. I get why though, Mike is an amazing dad. Our daughter gave me the stink eye all morning.
After lunch, when our son was in his room playing video games, my daughter confronted me about Mike. She basically said how she knew there was something going on (guess we're not that sneaky) and that she didn't want our fighting to affect their lives. She thought we were fighting.
Now, the divorce affected her but not as badly as expected. We made sure to get her counseling immediately after and made extra sure her life was as normal as possible. I'm not gonna delude myself and think she wasn't hurt by it but I'm pretty confident in saying we dealt with it pretty well. Or as well as we could.
I then had the conversation about how we weren't fighting but quite the opposite... We were thinking about getting back together. She thought about it for a while and said she was happy for us and hoped it was forever this time.
The next day I dropped my kids off at my parents house so I could talk to Mike at his place. We had a long talk about how we felt about each other, what we plan to do about it going forward, and as many of you suggested what he planned to do next time we hit a rough patch especially since we plan on having a 3rd kid. He told me that the night he cheated still haunted him 10 years later. He told me how it wasnt worth it one bit and how it was the biggest mistake of his life. He said that if ever we hit a rough patch again, we would talk about it like adults. He even suggested we do couples counseling every now and then even when times are good. I liked this idea. There are some details about our conversation that I want to keep private but long story short we got back together. We are going to take it slow and in every step we take, we both agreed that our children would take priority over everything. He's not going to move in yet but he would spend a few nights a week at home with us.
Later that night, we sat the kids down and broke the news. Daughter didn't say much cause she already knew but our son was over the moon. Since we divorced when he was a baby, the concept of both his parents being together was quite new to him. They obviously asked questions and we answered them. We're also planning on doing family counseling to help make the transition easier for everybody.
Overall, I'm really happy right now. Mike made a mistake 10 years ago but I don't hold it against him and have completely forgiven him for it. I know he loves me now and won't cheat on me anymore. I'm back together now with the love of my life and father of my kids and I couldn't be happier.
As I type this out, Mike is in the next room playing video games with our son. I'm not entirely sure what the future will look like but I'm happy he's back.
Thank you reddit for the advice. It really helped with our talk and how we proceed going forward. I think I'll stay online for an hour or so to reply till the kids are asleep and he comes to bed then it's my turn to have fun.
Peace 😁
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 13,910 | 2022-11-24T19:30:29 | Would I (38f) be an idiot if I got back together with my ex husband (37m) who cheated on me 10 years ago? | REPOST | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z3sjs0/would_i_38f_be_an_idiot_if_i_got_back_together/ | false | false | [
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z3tnlf | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-24T20:21:07 | AITA For not putting my mom in a nursing home | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z3tnlf/aita_for_not_putting_my_mom_in_a_nursing_home/ | false | false | [
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z3tpb6 | \*\*I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Substantial-Emu-7247 in r/AmItheAsshole\*\*
Also I forgot to put it in Markdown mode when I made the post, sorry for the format
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trigger warnings: >!accusations of incest, stroke!<
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\---
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\[\*\*AITA For not putting my mom in a nursing home\*\*\]([https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yprz51/aita\_for\_not\_putting\_my\_mom\_in\_a\_nursing\_home/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yprz51/aita_for_not_putting_my_mom_in_a_nursing_home/)) - November 8, 2022
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I (19M) live with my dad (53m), brothers (17m & 15m), and my mom (43F). My mom is the most beautiful soul ever. Always there for us. Encouraged us in whatever dream or goal we had. Two years ago my mom suffered a major stroke. She fought hard to learn to be able to walk and talk again. And we were with her every step of the way.
&#x200B;
Things were going great until this past year. My mom now has unknown neurological disorders that renders her paralyzed to at times almost a vegetative state. In between those times she’s fine but can’t be left alone. My dad is a truck driver but comes home every weekend and we have a nurse who helps during the day while we’re at school or work.
&#x200B;
I was offered a full ride at one of our country’s top universities when I graduated. My family, friends, and my girlfriend was so excited about it. But none as much as my mom. I was excited too. But I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t leave my mom’s care on just my dad and brothers. My gf thinks I’m sick because I have zero problem feeding my mom, changing her diaper, bathing her, dressing her, carrying her outside to sit in her chair. (Neither does my dad or brothers).
&#x200B;
My gf recently told my mom that she was destroying my life and it would be best if she went to a home where others could deal with her. My mom sat us all down crying and apologized to us for being a burden. Told us she was going to look at homes so we could be free to live our lives.
&#x200B;
When we finally found out why she was saying this, dad lost it. I called my gf and told her to stay the f\*ck away from me and my family. That she was a cold hearted bitch who belongs in hell. She called me a sick pervert. Now I have people talking about how I’m in a sexual relationship with my mom. I’m still pissed because my mom is hurting and depressed. None of us want her in a home. But if it’s really what mom wants are we being selfish if we don’t put her in one?
&#x200B;
Small update: Dad’s taking a couple weeks off. I sent him a link to this so he could read all the comments. Granted ultimately any decisions will be made by him and mom but he wants us all to sit down together and talk. I do want to let y’all know that I’m still going to school but instead of an Ivy League, I’m going to university of Arkansas. My middle brother Jake is studying diesel mechanics. And Johnny the youngest has a ways to go before graduating high school and joining the Navy. Girlfriend is in the ex category. I’ll let y’all know what happens after dad and mom talk with us.
&#x200B;
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\[\*\*UPDATE AITA for not putting my mom in a nursing home\*\*\]([https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yunedc/update\_aita\_for\_not\_putting\_my\_mom\_in\_a\_nursing/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yunedc/update_aita_for_not_putting_my_mom_in_a_nursing/)) - November 13, 2022
&#x200B;
So in the span of just a few days a lot has happened.
&#x200B;
1. Mom found my post. And commented. She also found out that my ex had accused me of having a sexual relationship with my mom.
&#x200B;
2. Yes I got into Harvard. But I gave that up to help care for mom. I go to University of Arkansas. My dreams of becoming a doctor hasn’t changed just the path.
&#x200B;
Dad came home and took mom out. I guess they had fun cause they left frowning and came home stupid smiling. This morning the smiles dropped when we got a knock on the door. Apparently mom invited my viper of an ex and her family over. In true hostess fashion mom was very nice with the small talk for a few minutes, then lowered the boom.
&#x200B;
Apparently a few years ago mom took care of EXs grandparents in a nursing home. She flat out asked if EX thought she was Fing her grandparents because she changed them, bathed them, and helped dressed them. The look on my EXs parents faces was priceless. When asked what mom was talking about, mom explained that my ex was going around telling people that I was in a sexual relationship with her because of me taking care of her. They thought we had broken up because I had cheated. When her dad found out what she’d been saying about my mom and I he apologized to us and then lost it on her.
&#x200B;
After they left we had a family meeting. Mom said she wants to go to a home because she doesn’t want any of us to have resentment for giving up being normal teens or our dreams for her. She also feels like she has become a hardship on dad. Dad just looked at her and informed her that her place was by his side unless it was unsafe for her physically, then he’d just move into a nursing home with her.
&#x200B;
As for me, I told her I’m fine with where I am. My brothers agreed. We go out with friends, though most of our friends prefer to hang at our house, we go on dates, we’re “normal teens”. We did come to a compromise that we’d revisit the issue in a year. Unfortunately the stress has caused an issue so mom is at the “spa” aka the hospital tonight with dad. Thanks again everyone.
Editing to add OOP’s moms comments
1. Every day you, your brothers, and your daddy give me a reason to wake up. I don’t ever want any of you to regret your life choices. I want you baby to reach for the stars because only you can hold yourself back. I don’t want to be a burden to you or Jacob or John or my wonderful annoying husband. And when your daddy gets home you can bet your sweet behind we will be talking about this. And son if Harvard is where you truly want to be, then you go. I’ll be ok. I’m not going anywhere. I fully intend to be here long enough to spoil any and all grandkids I have. And none of you had better make me a granny yet because I’m not ready for that yet. I love each and every one of you.
2. Comment: Your mom is such a badass, saying all that to your ex girlfriend in front of your family.
Mom’s reply: I’m not a badass. But thank you dear for saying that. Makes me feel good. Showed Pops and he said he should get me a leather jacket I can wear on the new bike he got. I can be his badass biker babe. 😂 you have a wonderful life sweetie.
3. Comment: You're the mom?!? I didn't know you as of two minutes ago but I am now madly in love with you, this small tidbit about you and your family's life is more than enough to understand why they want so much to take proper care of you <3 I wish you all the very best!
Mom’s reply: Yes I’m mama. I hope you fallow your dreams and achieve them. Remember the roads of life maybe bumpy and full of obstacles but you can still reach your goals. The stars can be reached sweetie, the only one who can hold you back is yourself. Lots of love.
4. Comment: Not only are you lucky to have each other, it sounds like your community is lucky to have you guys too❤️
Mom’s reply: Actually we’re lucky to have the community we live in. Everybody knows everybody. They are so loving here. I hope you live somewhere where your neighbors look after you sweetie.
5. Comment: I’m glad your ex got told off. She’s absolutely ridiculous. I’m also glad you all were able to come to a family decision on next steps. There are many paths to being a doctor. It’s not always where you go for undergrad but how well you do. But please take the scholarship you will undoubtedly be offered for grad/med school. It’s a pretty penny! Lol
Mom’s reply: I promise you he will. He’s a good man. And he has a good bedside manner. And that’s not the mama in me talking but the nurse in me talking.
6. Comment: You're family, particualry your mom sound great. And she's on her Queen shit for calling out your vile ex in from of her family.
Mom’s reply: Thank you dear. Every person is born with a crown. We just forget we have it. May your days be blessed.
7. Comment: i want to be your mom when i grow up. u/ComfortableOld6914, you're a beast and you've clearly raised a trio of great boys.
best of luck to all y'all wherever and however you guys choose to go and may your ex have triple fudge sharts in an all-white outfit.
Mom’s reply: Greetings dear. Stay young. Enjoy life. Remember to have a set of beliefs and a strong moral code. Hold your head high, and keep your crown on straight. And no matter whether your a guy or a gal, pick the right undies for the day, and a thong is never the right choice because you’ll always be picking a wedgie out all day. 🤪
\*\*Reminder - I am not the original poster.\*\* | 5,807 | 2022-11-24T20:23:22 | AITA For not putting my mom in a nursing home | CONCLUDED | Apprehensive-Net2687 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z3tpb6/aita_for_not_putting_my_mom_in_a_nursing_home/ | false | false | [
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z3udhc | [deleted] | 19 | 2022-11-24T20:55:38 | My friends (both F14) are dating adults (one M20 the other M25) | INCONCLUSIVE | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z3udhc/my_friends_both_f14_are_dating_adults_one_m20_the/ | false | false | [
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z3w8dl | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/hypertext01 in r/relationship_advice**
---
&nbsp;
[**I (28M) is about to propose to my gf (28f) of 7 years, but then I discovered something. Need advice.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/b0h9as/i_28m_is_about_to_propose_to_my_gf_28f_of_7_years/) - 13 March 2019
We've been together for 7 years, and we've been really really happy together. She's sweet, loving, and caring.. She's already been close to my family, and me to hers. We are really connected to each other, same passion, same likes and dislikes, we frequently travel together and all. We rarely fight, and when we do, we resolve issues quickly.. It's like a perfect relationship. We've been steady, we're genuinely happy in love.
Just when I was already contemplating on proposing to her, I felt like she's gone cold for the past month. Just this valentines, we were on top of the world surprising one another with gifts and sweet nothings. But the following weeks felt different.
Her "I love yous" weren't as enthusiastic. The way she talks and communicates with me feels different. She easily gets upset over trivial things. She seems to be a different person all of a sudden. I actually asked her what's wrong, but she assures me everything is ok and something is just bugging her.. I asked again but it seems she doesn't want to open up.. She assures me though that she loves me very much.
Then, just recently, like 4 days back, I was reminded that she has a spare phone just sitting on my drawer, phone was dead and was not used for almost la year. So I grabbed on a charger, booted it up.. and it so happened that her google account is still logged in on the device. Curious, I went to see what she's been up to lately, then I discovered her recent searches/history in google and youtube. I was shocked and I dont know how to react. The searches go like this:
* I cheated on him
* i cheated on him many times
* I cheated should we break up
* Breaking up a long term relationship... and so on
The searches were dated Feb 15 onwards. Almost everyday she looks on the same searches and other related topics.
I am devastated discovering this. I cannot eat, I cannot sleep. But I haven't confronted her about this.
What should I do? Do I need to confront her? We are currently far apart now due to work, but we will be seeing each other next week. I am confused, I am in shock, idk how to react. Please help.
&nbsp;
[**[UPDATE] I (28M) Is about to propose to my gf (28f) of 7 years, but then I discovered something. Need advice.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/b1izig/update_i_28m_is_about_to_propose_to_my_gf_28f_of/) - 15 March 2019
Hello guys. Im providing an update to my earlier post
I dont think there is a need for me to see her again next week. So here’s what happened.
-She texted me she got home and about to sleep at 11:44 PM (she’s closing deals in another city and has to rent a place)
-I tried to facetime her 11:51 PM just to say goodnight, she didn’t pick up. I tried messaging her but no response.
Remember that spare phone that’s with me where her google account is logged in? I browsed on her activity history quickly to find out what shes up to, and was surprised there’s a “google assistant” command recorded at 11:48 PM.
I played and listened. There’s her voice and a voice of another guy. They were goofing around at the google home device. So yeah.
I confronted her and barraged her with a lot of messages, she only replied at around 1 AM. She kept on denying she’s cheating.
Then I laid all the evidences, all the screencaps and even the audio clip recording from the google assistant.
She finally admitted.
I am single.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 10,109 | 2022-11-24T22:17:26 | I (28M) was about to propose to my gf (28f) of 7 years, but then I discovered something. Need advice. | CONCLUDED | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z3w8dl/i_28m_was_about_to_propose_to_my_gf_28f_of_7/ | false | false | [
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z3zwe8 | 1 | 2022-11-25T01:10:41 | I kicked my pregnant sister out because she made my roommate cry. | CONCLUDED | chalkysaucepan | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z3zwe8/i_kicked_my_pregnant_sister_out_because_she_made/ | false | false | null |
|
z4039i | *I am not OP, the original was posted by* [*u/Yam-Throwaway*](https://www.reddit.com/u/Yam-Throwaway/)*. This is a repost, since new updates were posted.*
[*Link to the original BoRU-post*](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/sdb8mm/aita_for_wanting_my_sister_to_pay_me_back_for_the/) *by* [*u/juracilean*](https://www.reddit.com/user/juracilean/)*, which contained the original post & two updates.*
# [Original Post (posted 21.01.2022 on AITA)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s8x7nn/aita_for_wanting_my_sister_to_pay_me_back_for_the/)
This happened yesterday. When I came home from work I noticed my shed door was open and the padlock that I used to keep it shut was broken. And I had a LOT of bags full of soda cans in there. I tend to drink a lot of soda, so I've built up a lot of cans. And I was going to cash them in at the bottle drop soon. There was more than just my cans missing from the shed too. I was missing some gardening tools, a machete, and a gas can. I went to check my security cameras and early in the morning right after I left for work I saw my three nephews break into my shed using a hammer to smash the lock, and taking the cans, as well as the other stuff. I called my sister and she and her husband denied their kids did it. Till I showed up at their house with the footage from my cameras.
They were furious with their kids for robbing me and skipping school to do it. I got the other stuff back. (The gas can was emptied though) But they'd already cashed all of the cans. I wanted the money from the cans and my nephews had already spent it all on video games and junk food. I demanded to know how much they got from the cans and it was nearly $200. I told my sister she now owes me over $200 for the cans and the broken padlock. My sister and BIL went from being angry at their kids to making excuses for them, and then being angry at me for wanting that money back when I know they have three kids and a mortgage. I said it was either that or I go to the police and press charges. They told me to get out, and I said they have two days to decide how to pay me back before I go to the cops. My nephews are thieves and have stolen from me before. That's why I got the cameras.
What my nephews did was most definitely wrong. But I also know my sister and BIL can't really afford to pay me back. And they're blowing up my phone and calling me heartless for giving them the ultimatum when I know they are nearly broke after the holidays.
AITA for doing that?
&#x200B;
**Info from the comments:**
>Yes I do have insurance. No I'm not going to make a claim because the only actual damage done was to a $10 padlock. And I got back everything else but the stolen cans.
>
>The nephews are 16, 15, and 14.
&#x200B;
>Redditor: Wouldn't it be a fair compromise to have the kids work off the money they owe you by shoveling snow, doing yard work and other manual labor? Hell, tell them to walk about town picking up cans. Why make the parents pay for their fuckup?
>
>OOP: Because those kids have stolen from me several times already. I always got the stuff back. But it was a fight. And I've banned their kids from my house because of it. Making them pay me back is the only way to make them learn. I don't want those kids anywhere near my house. Even to do work. I do all of my own yard work regularly and even kind of enjoy it. But those brats just hem and haw any time they're made to do chores. And I'd have to watch them the entire time. It's not worth it to make them work. I'd rather just have the money back.
&#x200B;
>They \[the parents\] can't afford therapy. Both of them work to pay their mortgage, so their kids are left unsupervised a lot.
>
>My sister and BIL have always given me flak when their kids stole from me. When I wanted the stolen stuff back they always acted like I was a jerk and then made their kids give me the fakest apologies I've ever heard. I'm done being nice. Either they or their kids pay me back or I go to police.
# First Update (added in original post)
Well I went to the police. I tried to work with my sister and BIL when I called them this morning because I didn't want to wait till after they were done with work to speak with them. Not only did they refuse any sort of suggested way of repaying me, they actually said that it was my fault for having the cans there to begin with. They said I tempted my nephews with the money. I was enraged and said I was done with them. Then they started blowing up my phone all over again. My eldest nephew sent me a picture of him holding a soda can and giving me the finger. So that was it. I went to the police station and filed the report. Gave them a copy of the video footage of my nephews stealing from my shed. I gave them the broken lock they smashed. Showed them all of the texts, which were screen-shotted and also given as evidence. Hell, I even gave them the photo my eldest nephew sent me of him flipping me off.
I don't know if my nephews have been arrested yet. But I'm assured they will be. Perhaps some community service will change their attitudes. I did tell police that I found it worrisome that my nephews had taken the machete. But it was as I thought. They classified it as a tool. Especially since they took a lot of other actual tools. Other than the machete, they also some gardening shears, a steel rake, two shovels (One of them being one of those folding camping ones), a full two gallon gas can, a cheap power drill I got for like $5 used, an electric hedge trimmer, and a small electric chainsaw that was also used. They didn't touch the lawn mower, weed wacker, extension cords, or the old radio I had in there. No idea why they took what they did. But I guess they figured they could resell them or something. But I got all of that back, minus the gas that was in the gas can. No idea what they used it for. But it was old gas anyway.
After they first broke into my shed, they took what they could by hand. And then they came back with some shopping carts that I'm guessing they also stole. But it took them a few trips to get all of the cans. And they didn't bother to even try and close the door when they were done.
Either way though my nephews are now in trouble for trespassing, larceny and harassment. I'm sure either today or tomorrow my phone is gonna be blowing up like mad when the cops come for those kids. But I said it was my hill to die on, and I meant it. I don't even care if I get the money back now. They had their chance. I've already replaced the lock on the shed with a much stronger one. And the machete will no longer be kept in the shed. I've also talked to a few of my neighbors about what happened. They told me cans have actually been going missing around the neighborhood lately. If anybody had a bag of cans sitting out, it'd get stolen. Can't say if my nephews were the culprits. But if they were, then they've been doing this for months.
I've also spoken with my relatives. And they're fed up with my sister and BIL too. So they're all on my side at least. Which is good to know. I was worried they'd turn on me since I filed the police report. But no, I just got a lot of "Good for you" and "It's about damn time those kids faced some justice". I wasn't the only one in the family they stole from.
Many in the comments tried to say I should offer that my nephews work off the $200. There's no way I was going to do that. The little shits hate doing any work they don't want to do. And will just stand around griping and acting like the world is against them. And they'd have to be supervised the entire time. Which is another thing I don't want to do. Plus, I banned them from my house for good reason. The thefts started with food and snacks. And then went on to DVDs and video games. That made me start putting my initials on cases and discs with permanent markers. So I was able to show when my nephews had taken something of mine. They tried the "Oh he let us borrow them" excuse a few times. But I always called bullshit. And then made them return the stuff they took. Which they always acted like I was a jerk for doing. And then when they were made to apologize to me each time, they were the fakest apologies I've ever heard.
The final straw that banned my nephews from my house was when they used the spare hidden key to my house to get in and stole three six packs of my favorite blood orange beer from my fridge, along with raiding my kitchen for anything else they wanted. One of them took a dump in my bathroom and not only didn't flush, put also intentionally pissed on the floor. They tried to say it wasn't them. But I knew it was. The beer they stole was even hidden in their room. My sister and BIL barely punished them and basically gave me an equivalent to "Boys will be boys". Then berated me when I said they and their kids were no longer welcome at my home ever again.
And that's all why I got the cameras. When I had them installed I told no one. Which was a very smart idea because my nephews had no idea they were there when they broke into my shed. Guess I was their easiest target. When I can afford it, I plan to get more cameras inside my house too.
# [Second Update (posted 26.01.2022 on r/EntitledPeople)](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/scrv4n/my_entitled_nephews_stole_from_me_one_time_too/)
**My entitled nephews stole from me one time too many. This time I got them arrested, and now my sister and BIL have to deal with the fallout. And I really don't care anymore**
In a prior post in a different subreddit, I asked if I was the bad guy for wanting to call police on my nephews for stealing from me. And the overwhelming support I got made me realize that standing my ground was the best thing for me to do.
About mid way last week when I came home from work I noticed my shed door was open and the padlock that I used to keep it shut was broken. And I had a LOT of bags full of soda cans in there. I and my friends tend to drink a lot of soda, so I've built up a lot of cans over the course of about a year. And I was going to cash them in at the bottle drop soon because I like big payouts. It's ten cents a can where I live after all. But there was more than just my bags of cans missing from the shed too. They took my gardening shears, a steel rake, two shovels (One of them being one of those folding camping ones), a full two gallon gas can, a cheap power drill I got for like $5 used, an electric hedge trimmer, and a small electric chainsaw that was also used, and a machete. They didn't touch the lawn mower, weed wacker, extension cords, or the old radio I had in there. No idea why they took what they did. But I guess they figured they could resell them or something.
I checked my camera footage and there was my three nephews (Ages 16, 15, and 14) breaking into my shed with one of their dad's large claw hammers. I recognized the hammer because it's bright yellow and black, and their dad has a bunch of them. It only took them a few hits to smash that cheap lock. After they first broke into my shed, they took what they could by hand. And then they came back with some shopping carts that I'm guessing they also stole. But it took them a few trips to get all of the cans. And they didn't bother to even try and close the door when they were done.
My sister and BIL first denied their kids stole anything from me. So I went to their house and showed them the security footage from my cameras. I'd not told them I'd had cameras installed. And the reason I had the cameras put in was because of prior thefts by my nephews. It started with food & snacks. And then moved on to DVDs and video games. Then pretty much anything they thought they could smuggle out after that. And any time I made them return stuff they'd stolen from me, I was treated like the bad guy and then got the fakest apologies I've ever heard. And they never got in much trouble from their parents either. The final straw happened last year when my nephews broke into my house and stole three six packs of my favorite blood orange beer from my fridge. They used my hidden spare key to get in, and also took a huge dump in one of my bathrooms and not only didn't flush, but also peed all over the floor. And I'm pretty sure it was intentional. The beer they stole was hidden in one of their bedrooms when I confronted my sister and BIL about my nephews stealing it. And I was basically given an equivalent to "Boys will be boys" when I wanted them punished. So I had the cameras put in and told no one. Which was a smart move.
When my sister and BIL saw the camera footage of my nephews stealing from me, they seemed furious. But they were actually madder that their boys skipped school to steal from me. They'd spent all day making repeated trips to the Bottle Drop and cashing the cans by machine. The bottle drop also pays by machine. So they just kept bringing the cans in till they cashed them all. And then they bought video games and junk food with the money. Said money actually amounted to nearly $200. With that and the destroyed padlock I told my sister and BIL that they now owed me $200. My sister and BIL went from being angry at their kids to making excuses for them, and then being angry at me for wanting that money back when I know they have three kids and a mortgage. I said it was either that or I go to the police and press charges. They told me to get out, and I said they have two days to decide how to pay me back before I go to the cops.
I got back everything else my nephews stole, machete and gas can included. Though they'd already used the gas for something. But over the next couple of days my sister and BIL were blowing up my phone with a ton of messages. Both verbal and text. At first they were calling me heartless because it was right after the holidays and they have three kids and a mortgage. Then they started gaslighting me. Then even threatening me. And all of this would go in a repeating cycle. My nephews chimed in from another cell phone and were sending me lots of messages of their own. Which were more fake apologies and gaslighting. My eldest nephew even sent me a picture of himself holding a soda can and giving me the middle finger. So I guess they weren't taking my threats of going to police seriously because "FAAAAMILY!".
When I last spoke with my sister and BIL, they refused to negotiate any sort of method of repayment for what my nephews did. Even when I suggested they just sell the video games that were purchased with the money from the cans. Then they had the audacity to say I'd actually tempted my nephews by having the cans in my shed to begin with. Oh yes. I'm the devil snake that tempted my nephews with a shed full of cans that just screamed "MONEY MONEY MONEY!!" So that was it. I went to the police station that morning and filed the report. Gave them a copy of the video footage of my nephews stealing from my shed. I gave them the broken lock they smashed. Showed them all of the texts, which were screen-shotted and also given as evidence. Hell, I even gave them a copy of the photo my eldest nephew sent me of him flipping me off. I did tell police that I found it worrisome that my nephews had taken the machete. But they classified it as a tool. Especially since they took a lot of other actual tools. So fair enough on that I suppose.
But my nephews were indeed arrested on Saturday. Police came to their house and my sister and BIL were forced to let them in because they had a warrant. Apparently all three of my nephews went from being cocky little shits to crying like babies when they were being put in cuffs. I know this because a neighbor I'm acquainted with that's sort of friends with my sister was there to see it. And shortly after the arrest my sister and BIL were blowing up my phone again. They weren't able to get their kids out of jail till Monday morning. And now the boys are being charged with larceny, willful destruction of property/vandalism, and harassment. The police took this whole case pretty seriously as there has been complaints about my nephews for some time. But nothing was proven until now. The past few months bags of cans have actually been going missing all over the area. Don't know if it was my nephews or not. But they're likely suspects. And with word spreading of their arrest, let's hope other neighbors with security cameras come forward with more footage.
My sister and BIL showed up at my house too. I refused to open the door and told them that this all happened because they are enablers who refuse to hold their kids accountable for their actions. That made them just scream and pound on my door more till I threatened to call police on them too. And since I've done it already, they know I mean it now. So they left without any more trouble. But they went back to blowing up my phone. I didn't block my sister or BIL. Instead I decided to just save all of the messages they send me because I've made the decision to take them to small claims court over this. I don't really need or want the money, and have already replaced the destroyed padlock with a much better one. However the kids aren't the only ones who need to be taught a lesson. In the end I hope I put them in enough of a hole that they learn not to screw with me ever again. I also have the full support of my family on this. My parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. They're all supporting me in this because my nephews have stolen from them too. And after banning my nephews from my house, some of them did the same.
I'm going to push for my nephews to get community service. And the reason why isn't just because it's a good idea, but also because I know that they'll hate that the most. Whenever made to do any kind of work they don't want to do, they just stand around griping and act like the whole world is against them. So hardly anything ever gets done. Perhaps a few hundred hours of unpaid work will teach them some manners. They've been spoiled far too much.
[Link to part 2/2](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z405hx/aita_for_wanting_my_sister_to_pay_me_back_for_the/)
***Edit: Sorry, part 2 is still waiting for mod-approval - normally, they are pretty much instantaneous, but I guess they are in bed with a food coma, preparing for their Black Friday shopping bonanza.*** | 3,255 | 2022-11-25T01:19:58 | AITA for wanting my sister to pay me back for the cans her kids stole from my shed? 1/2 (REPOST, NEW UPDATES to follow in part 2) | REPOST | Corfiz74 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4039i/aita_for_wanting_my_sister_to_pay_me_back_for_the/ | false | false | [
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z405hx | *I am not OOP, the original was posted by* [*u/Yam-Throwaway*](https://www.reddit.com/u/Yam-Throwaway/)*.* [*Link to part 1/2*](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4039i/aita_for_wanting_my_sister_to_pay_me_back_for_the/)
# [Third Update (posted 06.02.2022 on r/EntitledPeople)](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/slng7t/update_to_my_entitled_nephews_stealing_from_me/)
**Sister and BIL had the money to pay me back the entire time**
Well this is stupidly anticlimactic. I figured that my sister and BIL were gonna dig their heels in even deeper after the shit that's already gone down. But they actually caved. I filed a lawsuit against them in small claims for the actions of their kids. In the suit I was asking for $500. This was for the stolen cans, the destroyed lock, the cost of the replacement lock (Which was a much better and more expensive one), the cost of filing with the courts, and emotional damages for the harassment. A friend who's father is a lawyer gave me a free consultation and said I have a very strong case because of the camera footage I have of both my nephews stealing from me, and of my sister and BIL pounding on my front door. Plus all of the messages they sent me.
When my sister and BIL were served, they called me freaking out. They said I couldn't do this to them. So I retorted that this is the price they are paying for not parenting their kids and letting them become entitled little thieves. And if they wish to speak to me again, it will either be when I see them in court, or if they decide to pay me the $500 I'm suing for. Then I hung up on them. Well yesterday evening I was having some friends over after work. We were just chilling out and watching a movie. None of us were in the mood for video games since we were tired from the day. And we just wanted a chill evening. But then I got a knock at the door. When I looked outside, there was my sister and BIL. And they looked very unhappy.
I opened the door, but left the screen door shut. Then ask them what they were doing at my house. They told me that they're tired of fighting because everyone is against them. And fully admitted how badly they effed up by letting this go as far as they did. And just wanted to make peace. My friends were standing in full view behind me. So there were witnesses to this. BIL then slid an envelope through a crack in the door that contained $500 in $50 bills. He said it was from his private savings account. Then told me from now on they'll make sure my nephews are duly punished for their actions. They didn't ask me to drop the charges. But pleaded with me to at least be lenient. I said I was only pushing for community service. Which is pretty lenient. And if we cooperate for that, then hopefully the judge will agree. They sighed and said they'd cooperate if that's all I wanted. Then left without making any sort of a fuss.
My friends all congratulated me on holding my ground. Others in my family later did the same. That's when I found out from my parents that they actually threatened to disown my sister if she and her husband didn't make some changes for the better. So now they are. It may be a forced change. But it's the best we'll probably see out of them. My mom paid my sister and BIL a visit after they repaid me too. She told me that my nephews were not playing video games. In fact, every single video game related thing was put away somewhere. And so was the TV that my nephews would game and watch movies on. All three nephews were in their rooms most of the time. And were very rude and unwelcoming to their grandmother. But my sister claims they are dealing with the situation.
So yeah, I've dropped the lawsuit now that I've been paid what I wanted. But my nephews are still going to court for theft. And are now getting the parenting they should have been getting long ago. I've also been assured that they will not be coming near my house again any time soon. And are strictly only to be either at school, or at home.
**Info from the comments:**
>My nephews won't be welcome anywhere near my house for a long time to come, my sister and BIL are now basically forced to do the parenting they should have already been doing. And everyone else ion the family has been on my side about this because my nephews had basically gotten everyone to hate them.
# [Fourth Update (posted 18.11.2022 on r/EntitledPeople)](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/yyjyqi/update_to_my_nephews_stealing_cans_from_my_shed/)
**My eldest nephew went mental on my house**
To start off with, yes I did get more cameras. One I installed right above the shed. So it looks like I've got the whole area covered. I wanna say that my sister and BIL, as well as my nephews have learned from this whole ordeal. But that's not entirely the case. Especially for my eldest nephew, who just couldn't let go of wanting revenge on me. And he stupidly tried to get it. Here's what happened.
To recap as many previous readers know, my nephews stole an assload of cans from my shed after breaking into it and cashed them in at the bottle drop for about $200. My sister and BIL acted like I was an asshole for wanting the money back for the cans and damages. I ended up pressing charges because they refused to pay. And things turned pretty ugly. I filed a small claims lawsuit, and they had to pay me back for the cost of damages, theft, emotional damages for constant harassment, and the cost of the lawsuit itself. All adding up to $500. Which finally made my sister and BIL raise a white flag and actually start parenting their kids. My nephews got all of their privileges taken away, and were forced by a judge to work community service. Which they hated, and had to be forced just to complete. They didn't get more than 100 hours each because I'd been repaid by their parents when we settled out of court. So the judge pretty much fast-tracked the case. My nephews ended up picking up garbage, and doing work around several local parks. And the man directing them I heard was a retired drill sergeant. So they had no fun whatsoever. My eldest nephew constantly showed his issues with authority, and got into screaming matches with everyone who told him to work. His father had to be called over just to make the boy pick up a rake. The kid openly blamed me for his predicament, and his brothers were both initially on his side. But after a while they realized that he's just crazy and entitled, and they no longer want any part of it. So my two younger nephews stopped following his lead because it finally clicked just how in the wrong they were.
Problem is that my sister and BIL blamed me for the divide in their family, which didn't end well for them as no one in the family was on their side about it. Everything was put on them and their bad parenting. And without me to blame, they just became silent and bitter. Half the family don't want to associate with them, and now their own kids are divided because the eldest refuses to change. It got so bad that my eldest nephew resorted to something so incredibly dumb that you're not gonna want to believe it. In the middle of the night he sneaked out and assaulted my house with a pair of his dad's claw hammers. I say a pair because he literally had one in each hand. The first thing he did was start smashing the new lock on my shed, and it didn't break. But he heavily damaged it to the point it was no longer usable and I had to later remove it with bolt cutters. He also did a lot of damage to the shed door with the hammer's claws. I awoke to the sounds of the hammers, and called the police after peeking out my bedroom window and seeing someone outside hitting the shed. Though I didn't realize it was him at first because he had his face covered with a creepy looking mask. He saw the bedroom lights come on and chucked one of the hammers through my window. There was broken glass everywhere, and I'm lucky I didn't cut my feet on any of it because I was barefoot. Then my nephew started beating on my back door with the remaining hammer. He did major damage breaking the knob and the window on the door, and also tore into the door itself with the hammer claw. I was worried the door wouldn't hold out, so I yelled police were on their way, and he took off before they arrived. The night vision on my cameras showed it was him. He had a mask on, but was wearing his school hoodie, as well as his Nike shoes that were also pretty identifiable since his brothers don't have a pair like them. His fingerprints were also on the hammer he threw at my window. My nephews had already all been fingerprinted when they were arrested the first time. So police matched the ones on the hammer to him.
When the cops came for my eldest nephew, he obviously denied it was him. But there's no one else it could have been. The other hammer was found in his room, along with the clothes and mask he wore. All of which were taken as evidence. The mask was of a Star Wars character I was told is called "The Grand Inquisitor". This time though, his parents did nothing to try and protect him. And they didn't try to pass the blame on me either. They just let their son be taken away screaming. I wasn't there to see the arrest. But I was told by my sister that my eldest nephew was switching back and forth from crying that he didn't do anything wrong, to screaming that it was all my fault and he had to get back at me. The boy had to go through a serious mental evaluation, and was found to be potentially bipolar. Doesn't really excuse what he did though. Later on when he was properly diagnosed as bipolar, he started blaming everything he did wrong on that. And acted like he should be vilified just for getting treatment for it. But he ended up having a month long stint in juvenile hall. They got my nephew properly medicated, and he pleaded guilty to forgo court again in exchange for more community service and mandatory counseling, as well as probation this time. His dad came to my house and personally replaced the broken window and door. Though he barely said a word to me while doing it.
My two younger nephews are still excluding their older brother from pretty much everything. And he still hasn't apologized for attacking my home either. He's also unfortunately repeating a school year because of how badly his grades tanked. Which his parents are still very unhappy about. My two younger nephews dropped by on their own in July to personally apologize to me. They said that they always just followed their brother's lead, and he made everything they were doing seem so fun. But the punishments for the crimes are not worth the kind of fun they were having. And they don't want anything to do with it anymore. They want their fun uncle back and asked if we could start over. I said we can, but they'll have to earn back my trust. Which they happily agreed to.
My eldest nephew had his 17th birthday a few months ago, and basically got nothing. Not even a cake. It was part of his punishment for what he'd done. I can only imagine how much money he's cost his parents in the past year alone. He led his brothers to steal from me and then destroyed my bedroom window and back door. I imagine in total with the lawsuit I'd previously filed, and replacing both the door and window cost them over $1000. Doors and windows are not cheap. Meanwhile my youngest nephew had his birthday a month after that, and got a new mountain bike among his gifts. This really upset my eldest nephew and he slashed the tires on the bike with a kitchen knife. Which landed him in even more trouble. I know a thing or two about fixing bikes, so I went out and bought new tubes and tires for the bike, and put them on it. So the bike is fine, and my nephew thanked me a lot for fixing it.
My eldest nephew resorted to trying to run away because he wasn't being enabled anymore. He just walked out, got on his bike with a backpack full of stuff, and rode off. His parents quickly reported him missing because he left a goodbye letter that basically blamed me and his bipolar for all his problems. In the letter he stated that he can't wait till he's 18 to get away from us all. So he was doing us a favor by getting rid of himself sooner. But he came back three days later without his bike or backpack, and looking beat up. He wouldn't tell anyone what happened. We still don't know. But he was chewed out for continuously using me as a scapegoat for his personal issues, because blaming me was the first thing he did after he got back. I didn't make him steal from me, I didn't make him attack my house, I didn't make him run away. That was all him. And he nearly ended up back in juvie for running off because he violated his probation. But he got off easy somehow.
Currently he spends his days pretty much in his room when not in school, or doing chores, or going to counseling. He finished his community service. But his probation will last till he's 18. He got some lenience for being diagnosed as bipolar. But it couldn't get him off the hook. And believe me, he tried many times. Once they told him what was wrong with him, it became his excuse for everything. But plenty of people go their whole lives with that same mental condition and never do the kinds of things he did. I've been mending things with my two younger nephews, but I don't want to be around the eldest at all. And the feeling is clearly mutual on his part. I've only seen him once in person the past few months, and he glared at me with more hate than I've ever seen from anyone before stomping away. He can't paint me as the villain anymore without being called out on it, so there isn't much he can do other than just try and get through this. For the most part he's totally shut down since school started. I'm told he barely speaks, even at school. My other nephews tell me he's getting laughed at and ostracized. Which I don't think is going to help him get better. My sister and BIL are also not on the best terms with me right now as well. But they can't exactly put any blame on me either. They know it was all on them and their bad parenting. I've basically forced them to be more active in their kids' lives. Which they should have been doing already. They complain a lot of being tired from work and keeping an eye on their kids. So whenever we talk as of late, it's always awkward and forced. They don't come to my house, or me to theirs. But we do see each other at my parents' house. And our mother demands we be civil there. Which I have no problem with.
My two younger nephews have regained most of their privileges. They got their TV and video games back. But my eldest nephew isn't allowed on them at all. I'm told he's got some electronic entertainment in his room. But what kind I don't know. I just know he spends most of his time in there unless he has to be somewhere else. My eldest nephew is also not welcome pretty much anywhere in the family anymore. I've recently heard from my parents that they don't even want to see him on Thanksgiving or Christmas Eve this year because they are sick of his behavior and petty thievery. I guess I can understand that. But even I feel it's a bit harsh. My sister and BIL do as well because they are threatening to boycott if he can't come to either holiday. I can't stand that kid, and would not want him in my house either. So I can understand why they've made that decision. But I don't think excluding him from everything and everyone is gonna make him better. It's gonna take a long time for my eldest nephew to mend bridges. If they can even be mended at all. The way things stand, he may try running off again once he's of age. Unless the last time scared him too much to try it again. But hopefully things will get better for him in time if it's not too late to fix his behavior. I may not like him, but he's still my nephew, and I care. But I'm kinda powerless to do anything. So for now the most I can do is just keep my nose out of it and offer support where I can.
**Info from the comments:**
>Redditor: So hes bipolar and his parents were absolute shit until suddenly he gets into trouble. He probably feels like everyone turned their backs on him. I feel terrible for him, honestly. Bipolar, from my understanding, gets really bad right around 16-18 years old. And everyone in the family wrote him off.
>
>OOP: I wouldn't say they wrote him off. More like they just don't want him around this year. They never said the ban extends to next year. My parents just think that if he's not allowed to come, he'll maybe understand after a while that they can ban him again if he doesn't work on getting his behavior in check. Perhaps after some time of medication and counseling, things will get better. At least I hope.
&#x200B;
>From what I know of Bipolar, it has varying degrees of severity. But you also have to take into account that he was also badly spoiled and let do whatever he wanted. I've heard of kids who had no mental problems exhibiting the same behavior just because they were spoiled growing up. Honestly he probably would have been fine if my sister and BIL had actually did their jobs as parents long ago.
&#x200B;
>Redditor: Question. Why did your sister and BIL procreate when they clearly do not want to parent?
>
>OOP: Them procreating isn't really something I like to think about. However, when they first got married, my sister was in the newlywed fog. That's why she pumped out a kid every year for three years. She got pregnant on her honeymoon, and suddenly got the baby-rabies. She started saying for a while that she wanted a lot of kids. But after she had her third, the enthusiasm was gone. That's when she and BIL started just going through the motions as parents.
***Again, not OOP!***
*I'm kinda torn on this one. On the one hand, OOP was absolutely justified in calling the cops, getting their (unsure about gender, hence use of plural) money back, and giving the nephews and their parents some much needed consequences. On the other hand, their attitude towards their nephew's diagnosis ("he probably would have been fine if my sister and BIL had actually did their jobs as parents long ago") seems very influenced by their severe dislike of him, and lacking in compassion to his situation. I really wouldn't want to live in the nephew's head right now, with his own brain going crazy on him, and him feeling abandoned by his entire family, after years of being coddled and enabled - it feels like they should maybe have given him a softer landing, or thrown him a lifeline. Anyway, it was an interesting read!* | 4,359 | 2022-11-25T01:23:04 | AITA for wanting my sister to pay me back for the cans her kids stole from my shed? 2/2 (NEW UPDATES) | NEW UPDATE | Corfiz74 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z405hx/aita_for_wanting_my_sister_to_pay_me_back_for_the/ | false | false | [
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z40z39 | [removed] | 14 | 2022-11-25T02:04:14 | Thanksgiving Turkey Advice | CONCLUDED | Senor_DAnconia | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z40z39/thanksgiving_turkey_advice/ | false | false | [
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z4281k | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-25T03:06:29 | Am I the only person who suffers from this? | ONGOING | Something-behindyou | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4281k/am_i_the_only_person_who_suffers_from_this/ | false | false | [
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z43nm1 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-25T04:18:50 | I like a boy a bunch, should I confess? | NEW UPDATE | -CrazyEllie_reddit- | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z43nm1/i_like_a_boy_a_bunch_should_i_confess/ | false | false | [
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z43qjf | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-25T04:23:04 | I like this boy a lot, should I confess? | REPOST | -CrazyEllie_reddit- | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z43qjf/i_like_this_boy_a_lot_should_i_confess/ | false | false | [
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z4a3lw | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-25T10:27:20 | Is it possible to get my Fiancés trust back on deployment | ONGOING | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4a3lw/is_it_possible_to_get_my_fiancés_trust_back_on/ | false | false | [
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z4bhvc | *\*\*I am NOT OOP. Original post by* [*u/NorthStar8378*](https://www.reddit.com/user/NorthStar8378/) *in* [*r/AmItheAsshole*](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/)
*Typo in the title - meant to say step in and care for*
*\*\*Original Post and update in the same link*
*Trigger warnings: >!Verbal Abuse!<*
*Mood spoilers: >!a little infuriating but kids get away safely!<*
&#x200B;
# AITA telling my husband I’m not going to tell my ex-BILs to stop spoiling our daughters? [[LINK - AITA](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ys97jv/aita_telling_my_husband_im_not_going_to_tell_my/)] - November 11, 2022
&#x200B;
My ex and I (44f) divorced when our daughters (Stacy 17f and Emily 14f) were young. About a year after the divorce, he passed away. My ex was paying child support but that stopped the day he died. The girls inherited their father’s estate but since he was fresh into his career, it wasn’t much. Things could have been rough as a single mother but his brothers stepped into his shoes.
They took the girls on the weekends and basically bought the girls anything they needed from clothing to school supplies and bought our groceries. They also indulged the girls’ every whim. Stacy loved horses when she was little so uncle John paid for her lessons and riding fees. Emily thought she wanted to play the piano so uncle Jeff paid for her lessons and bought her a piano. When the girls grew out of those phases and got interested in something else, their uncles were there ready to indulged them. I tried talking to the uncles about not spoiling my girls but they said that their nieces needed to explore their own interests and those explorations will help their brain developments. I disagree but was not in a financial situation to push too hard because they were paying so much for the girls, I was basically responsible for only the rent.
I later remarried a wonderful man who brought 2 kids into the family. We had 1 more kid together and things are good for the most part. However kids are smart so my daughters’ step and half siblings started to notice their sisters having more experiences and things than they do. My husband didn’t like the situation and we had some arguments about it over the years. Things came to a boiling point recently when we were discussing how to pay for our two oldest kids’ colleges (Stacy and her step brother Rick 18m). Both are good students and while they haven’t gotten their acceptance letters, I have no doubt they’ll get into good schools.
My husband and I make enough money to live a middle class lifestyle with 5 kids but not enough to put them through college. The reality is that they’ll have to take out school loans. We talked to both of them about loans and this is when I found out Stacy had already talked to her uncles and they’re paying for her tuition and cost of living wherever she wants to go. This floored us and made my husband extremely mad. He got red and started to scream how it’s not fair Stacy and Emily will get to go to expensive colleges and graduate with no loans while our other kids will have to go to state schools and take out loans. He wanted me to call John and Jeff to tell them to stop spoiling the girls. On one hand I agree 100% with my husband that it’s not fair to my other kids but on the other hand I can’t hold my daughters back from something so wonderful.
In the end, I told my husband I’m not going to tell my ex-BILs to stop spoiling our daughters. Was I wrong to tell him that?
&#x200B;
*Verdict: Not the Asshole*
&#x200B;
# Update in the same post - November 11/12, 2022
&#x200B;
Update - thank you all for reading my post and answering my question. Things have gone downhill and I’m now crushed.
I was at work and without my knowledge, my husband called John and yelled at him to mind his own business, told him we don’t want their money, and to stay out of our lives. My husband then went and yelled at the girls as they packed their bags and as they were leaving for their uncle’s. When I got home, my husband wanted to call the police to report them as runaways but I talked him out of it. I went over to John’s house and his wife led me to the kitchen where we stood in silence watching John holding my girls while they cried. For a minute, I pictured their father holding them. Stacy and Emily refused to talk to me when they walked pass me on their way upstairs to their room. John and I had a long conversation about the whole situation. He basically told me he’s doing what his brother couldn’t and both me and my husband can go to hell if we don’t like it. He said the girls should stay with him and his family until things calm down and I agreed. So this is where we are for now.
Also to answer some common questions:
1. My husband makes less money than I do so he’s been unable to save up college tuition.
2. His ex is still in the picture and have visitation rights. She makes less money than him so have nothing saved up much less tuition.
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
*\*\*Reminder - I am not the original poster* | 8,812 | 2022-11-25T11:49:36 | OOP's ex passes away after divorce, ex's brothers step and care for the kids and intend to pay for their college, OOP's husband doesn't like it | ONGOING | ShakeThatTushy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4bhvc/oops_ex_passes_away_after_divorce_exs_brothers/ | false | false | [
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z4cxrh | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-25T13:05:33 | OOP's ex-wife who cheated on him, wants to be with him in the last days of her life. | CONCLUDED | Nihilist_D | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4cxrh/oops_exwife_who_cheated_on_him_wants_to_be_with/ | false | false | [
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z4dadh | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-25T13:22:46 | I regret leaving my wife for my GF. I don't know if I have the right to ask her to take me back NEW UPDATE | NEW UPDATE | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4dadh/i_regret_leaving_my_wife_for_my_gf_i_dont_know_if/ | false | false | [
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z4db3r | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-25T13:23:46 | I regret leaving my wife for my GF. I don't know if I have the right to ask her to take me back | CONCLUDED | littlejbean | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4db3r/i_regret_leaving_my_wife_for_my_gf_i_dont_know_if/ | false | false | [
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z4deux | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-25T13:28:53 | I regret leaving my wife for my GF. I don't know if I have the right to ask her to take me back | NEW UPDATE | littlejbean | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4deux/i_regret_leaving_my_wife_for_my_gf_i_dont_know_if/ | false | false | [
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z4dou6 | *\*\*I am NOT OOP. Original post by* [*u/Handsome\_Trans*](https://www.reddit.com/user/Handsome_Trans/) *in* [*r/AmItheAsshole*](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/)
&#x200B;
*\*\*Original Post and update in the same link*
*Trigger warnings:* >!Theft, fear of violence!<
*Mood spoilers:* >!OOP manages to kick brother out!<
&#x200B;
# AITA for not letting my brother permanently stay with me after our mom kicked him out? [[LINK - AITA](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yr1shf/aita_for_not_letting_my_brother_permanently_stay/)] - November 09, 2022
&#x200B;
I (18f) is the oldest of 3, I have a twin brother and another who is 16 (im going to call him Matt (his nickname) during this).
I have my own appartement with my fiancée (18m) since we graduated highschool (1 years ago). My appartement is situated downtown and there is a lot of busses since it's also next to my school and a highschool.
My twin brother lives with his best friend in another city and Matt was living with my mother until today. (My dad divorced my mom when my youngest brother was 3 and we never talked to him again)
Matt was always a bit of a delinquent and would always direspect everything and everyone. My mom never did anything about it. But earlier today my mon caught him smoking and drinking in his room. She kicked him out because of it and he only had the time to get a bag of essential. (He can go back to get all of his things later).
Matt decided to come to my appartement by bus and I let him in. I was wearing a sport bra/top and a pair of basketball shorts, It's my favorite outfit and I wear it a lot. After we talked for a bit I decided to let him stay the night and told him we would talk more tomorrow since I needed to take care of my fiancée who got into an minor accident a couple days ago.
While I was walking to my room he yelled to me how I shouldn't wear such things because it made me looked like an "easy girl". I got really mad but decided to not say anything.
I took care of my fiancée for a bit before going back into the living room and finding my brother eating and making a mess all over my couch while listening to his show really loud. I was getting even more annoyed and decided to tell him my terms in the moment instead of waiting.
I told him if he wanted to stay I can't let him stay free like that and I don't get money since he dropped out of highschool. I told him I give him 1 month to find a job and he needs to sleep on the couch and he can only brings his clothes since we don't have place for the rest of his things and that in 1 year I want him gone.
He told me I can't kick him out or force him to do anything especially when he needs to sleep on the couch, like he said "like a dirty dog" and then he called our mom who is for stupid reasons on his side and she started calling me a selfish b\*tch.
I think I might be the AH for potentially kicking him out since he is my brother but I'm not his caretaker or legal guardian, I don't have time, energy or money to deal with him.
&#x200B;
*Verdict: Not the Asshole*
&#x200B;
# Update in the same post - November 14/15, 2022
&#x200B;
Update:
First, I wanted to say that everything is alright now, as some suggested I went no contacts with my mom and my brother also, I wanted to thank everyone for their help, informations and wishes that I received.
After the original post, I went to work the Friday and my fiance was still at out appartement. During my lunch break I called my landlord to ask to put on cameras.
He said yes and I told my fiance that he said yes (the landlord) so he (my fiance) instal cameras in the evening after I went to buy some
Saturday my fiance and me needed to leave because he had a doctor appointment so that meant my brother would be alone with my cat
In the bathroom the camera was placed so we could only see the pharmacy and nothing else
My brother was not aware of the cameras and it's not illegal, we saw him take the pills in it and he took the pregnancy test I was hiding (nobody knew about it)
When we got back I told him he had a day to leave and for him and our mom to not contact me again or I'll call the police on him
Of course he had to talk to our mom and I got spammed of messages of her insulting me and other things I can't say here and my fiance decided to call the police
I called my twin and me and my bf locked ourself in our room waiting for the police to arrive because I couldn't face my brother and I was scared for us and what he could do
When they arrive my fiance went and explained everything to them, we showed them proof, the cameras, the texts, and I decided to put a restraining order on my mother because the texts she sent
My brother is now on the waiting list for a child center, I went no contact with them
When my brother arrived (around 1h30 later) I explained everything to him and had a breakdown, I could hear my fiance and brother talking in the living room after I went to my bedroom and they were really mad but I'm thankful that they are ready to defend me so much and how my fiance interacted with the whole situation made me feel safe.
Thank you everyone for the tips, calling the police and going no contacts really helped me calmed my nerves
And for the one who sent me dm's asking about my pregnancy I'm starting my 5th week and when my fiance learned it he was really happy
This was written Monday, I took Sunday to relax and today I had work and needed time to process everything
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
*\*\*Reminder - I am not the original poster* | 4,129 | 2022-11-25T13:42:24 | OOP's mom kicks OOP's younger brother out, he wants to crash with OOP, she is not comfortable with it | CONCLUDED | ShakeThatTushy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4dou6/oops_mom_kicks_oops_younger_brother_out_he_wants/ | false | false | [
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z4fvp5 | *\*\*I am NOT OOP. Original posts by* [*u/throwaway-7772552*](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwaway-7772552/) *and* [*u/groomthrowawayy*](https://www.reddit.com/user/groomthrowawayy/) *in* [*r/AmItheAsshole*](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/) *feat.* [*u/organized-chaos11*](https://www.reddit.com/user/organized-chaos11/)
&#x200B;
*\*\*Original Post and update in the same link*
*Trigger warnings:* >!parental manipulation / neglect!<
&#x200B;
# AITA for leaving my half-brother's wedding early even though I was the best man? [[LINK - AITA](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yq0hoe/aita_for_leaving_my_halfbrothers_wedding_early/)] - November 11, 2022
&#x200B;
English isn't my first language so sorry for any mistakes!
Quick backstory: I (27M) am a result of a one night stand. My mom already had 4 kids from her deceased husband before I came along. She has never liked me, and always treated me like garbage. I used to live with my birth father in (the country where he's from) until I moved with my mom when I was 16. It was her life mission to make me miserable. But I moved out when I was 18 to go to college.
Now, here's the situation. I have three half-brothers (30M. 35M. 47M.) my (35M) brother was the one getting married. When I lived with my mom, he was nice to me when he visited, the other two absolutely despised me.
I haven't spoken to him much in the last years, but to my surprise, he asked me to be the best man at his wedding, I agreed because he was the only good thing about my miserable childhood.
The day of the wedding was the first time I saw my mom and other half-siblings in the last 9 years. They still don't like me.
After I've given my best man speech, I stayed with my fiancée for most of the wedding, since I barely knew MY family let alone the bride's. When I was standing alone my mom approached me and started talking down to me, I was used to it so I just let her talk her talk. Until she said that my brother only asked me to be the best man because he got in a huge fight with the other two over who gets to be the best man, so he asked me just to spite them, and that I wasn't even getting invited in the first place.
I was more hurt than I expected, then asked him if it was true. He said yes guiltily and kept apologizing, saying he was glad I was there. I was still furious so I excused myself and left with my fiancée, but then he texted me a day later saying I'm an asshole for leaving, and that everyone kept questioning why I left, also saying I ruined the wedding for him.
I kind of feel bad now, maybe I overreacted. So, AITA?
&#x200B;
*Verdict: Not the Asshole*
&#x200B;
*OOP's brother makes his own post after seeing OOP's post*
&#x200B;
# AITA for making my half brother my best man to piss off my other siblings then telling him he ruined my wedding? [[LINK - AITA AutoMod](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ysgs4r/comment/ivywjgc/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)] November 11, 2022
&#x200B;
Since my half-brother wanted to bring family issues to social media. Here we are.
My brother posted a few days ago about my wedding. Here's the whole story.
I (35M) asked my half-brother (27M) to be the best man at my wedding because I got into a disagreement with my other brothers over who gets to be my best man. I wanted them to be pissed that neither of them stood with me at all. Not even as groomsmen. AH move. I know.
The day of my wedding was great until he left. He gave quite the emotional best man speech. Brought me to tears if I'm being honest.
The family kept approaching him but he's always been shy. He said hi to some of them but he seemed out of his element. I kept trying to stay with him as much as I could. He, my wife, and his fiancée really hit it off. I was glad. When he excused himself to grab some champagne, I saw our mom approach him, and immediately got worried.
I'd already felt horrible about all the stuff he went through when we were younger, and didn't want him to know the real reason why he was the best man. Our mom kept talking to him, but I couldn't hear what she was saying.
He suddenly looked shocked, and asked me if he was only the best man to make our other siblings pissed. I said yes, I'm not the best liar. I kept apologizing and begging him to forgive me. All of this was away from the guests.
I never said he wasn't getting invited. Our mom did. His invite was one of the first to go out.
He didn't make a scene, but he did leave with his fiancée, everyone saw them leaving and kept questioning us why he left, including my wife. I told her the truth and she got very mad at our mom. The whole atmosphere was awkward from that point on.
I did text him after the wedding. I told him he could've just stayed and then we would've chatted later. But he said that he didn't want to talk to me and blocked me.
The real AH is mostly our mom.
Our sister sent me his post and told me to look at the comments, I was getting bashed left and right. I couldn't text him about it so I thought maybe he'll see this. Still think I'm the AH?
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
*Verdict : Brother's account is suspended and official verdict not available but comments are overwhelmingly calling him the asshole*
&#x200B;
# OOP's fiance responds to above post [[Link to removed comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ysgs4r/comment/ivz1pg9/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)] - November 11, 2022
&#x200B;
Let's make something very clear here.
1- You are the asshole. Point blank period. 2- You are definitely a manipulative person.
You know what pisses me off? Assholes who hide behind the "I'm a good guy!" persona. Your other family are all assholes and they don't hide it. But you, you are worse than all of them combined.
how dare you even try to defend yourself after all you did? f off.
(By the way, I'm the (27M)'s fiancée. I made an account when he did just in case he needed my backup.)
(edit: just to make it clear: YTA.)
&#x200B;
# OOP's update in his [original AITA post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yq0hoe/aita_for_leaving_my_halfbrothers_wedding_early/) - November 12, 2022
&#x200B;
so, i actually deleted the app when i was deemed not the AH. But apparently my brother made a whole post about the situation, so i logged in one last time to read it and safe to say everyone made my day. And my incredible fiancée put him in his place. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. To everyone who commented supportive things to me or my fiancée. And to my brother, I hope you find peace in your life, and also a therapist. bless. :)
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
*\*\*Edited to add OOP's fiance's response to the brother's post. Thanks to those who pulled out the links. It is visible in* [*u/organized-chaos11*](https://www.reddit.com/user/organized-chaos11/)*'s profile as it was removed by AITA Mods*
*\*\* Reminder - I am not the original poster* | 5,392 | 2022-11-25T15:19:55 | OOP asks if he is TA for leaving his half-brother's wedding early where he was the best man | CONCLUDED | ShakeThatTushy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4fvp5/oop_asks_if_he_is_ta_for_leaving_his_halfbrothers/ | false | false | [
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z4iqeu | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-25T17:18:57 | OOP wants to know, "AITA for 'selling out' on my Grandma's secret recipe"? + delicious update | CONCLUDED | ChenilleSocks | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4iqeu/oop_wants_to_know_aita_for_selling_out_on_my/ | false | false | [
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z4j02r | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/notlettingstay in r/amitheasshole**
trigger warning: >!bullying!<
---
&nbsp;
[**AITA for not letting my nephew who recently came out live with us after getting kicked out?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pm2eht/aita_for_not_letting_my_nephew_who_recently_came/) - 11 September 2021
My nephew “Tyler” is 18, he came out this week and his dad didn’t take it well. My sister asked me if I would let him stay with me until her husband calmed down and let him move back in. I’m not close with my nephew due to past behavior and the fact that he’s been a bully to my son (15m) since they were kids.
That was something we tried working out but Tyler never seemed to learn. Since my sister didn’t do much because of her “boys will be boys” mentality I limited interaction with them. Then last year Tyler antagonized my son on social media. Before that happened my son went through something traumatic that I won’t get into details here but it left him with a lot of anxiety about going out.
He made a celebratory post about going to the grocery store for the first time in months by himself without getting a panic attack. Tyler decided to call him a “pussy”, asked “why is he getting excited about something so stupid and not even a big deal.” I confronted Tyler directly because he knew what my son had experienced. He wasn’t apologetic because according to him he was just jokingly giving him a hard time and didn’t mean it in a bad way.
This time I told my sister Tyler is to stay away from my son completely. This new situation doesn’t change the fact that I don’t want Tyler near him. Even with the promises that he won’t do anything I can’t trust him. He’s done it before when I’m not around until it pushes my son to finally tell me. That’s why I’m apparently being an asshole to him given this difficult and emotional moment he’s going through.
My wife and I said we could pitch in for him to stay somewhere (our other family lives far and he’s still in school) but not in our house. The reason she refuses this is because Tyler needs to be with family at the moment and things are complicated at their house right now. She’s trying to calm things down. But says it could be a long while since her husband doesn’t want him back at all. If things had been different i’d accept him into our home in a heartbeat.
But not if it means putting my son in a position to be bullied. My mom understands how awful Tyler has been to my son, the way he’s tormented him and that we’ve tried to make things work, in this situation she does think I’m not being a good uncle (and an asshole) because of what Tyler is currently going through. That it’s more serious. They’re both on us about this but we have had to say no. Are we being asshole?
Verdict: NTA
&nbsp;
[**Update: AITA for not letting my nephew who recently came out live with us after getting kicked out?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pngx19/update_aita_for_not_letting_my_nephew_who/) - 13 September 2021
Well it appears I have been bamboozled, or almost at least, by my sister and Tyler. My mom claims she had no idea and now she’s angry at them too. Had some time this weekend to have a chat with my BIL (Tyler’s dad) because honestly despite Tyler’s awful behavior I was disgusted at ANY parent disowning their child over their sexuality. I called him to talk, not only to give him a piece of my mind but also understand why he’s even being like this.
Like I said in a previous comment his late brother was gay and he never had a problem with that. It was just a shock to see him have such a strong negative reaction. Or maybe he’d always been secretly against it or now it’s different because it’s his own son I don’t know that’s why I called. He had no idea what I was talking about.
So there really was more to the story than my sister was leading on. Tyler came out to them MONTHS ago and him getting kicked out wasn’t the reason at all. I’m super skeptical about this because to me it seemed like maybe he was trying to play innocent to avoid getting shit on. Until he went and got my sister to tell him exactly what she told me. They got into a fight then my sister finally told me no her husband didn’t kick Tyler out of the house for being gay (since they were aware of it for months)
He got into some trouble at school that he’d lied about and while he was grounded for that Tyler had taken his dad’s car without permission and messed it up. He said it just seemed like one thing after another, especially the way he was acting with their other kids, which was the straw that broke the camels back for him and told Tyler to get out.
After the whole thing I was furious with my sister. She apologized a million times. Her only excuse was she was desperate for Tyler having a place to stay and hoped the whole gay thing would make me reconsider until her husband cooled down and let Tyler come back.
I’ve had a day to calm down, told my mom how my sister lied. Now at least we’re more secure in our decision and don’t feel like assholes at all for not letting him come with us. Tyler is at a friends house now, don’t know if his dad plans to let him move back in but one things certain, he’s not staying here with us at all. Not for what he’s done to my son and especially not after knowing all the reasons why he’s not at his parents anymore. That’s their mess to deal with now. Thanks for your judgement and thoughts Reddit. Just wanted to leave this new bit of info on here.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 12,375 | 2022-11-25T17:30:06 | AITA for not letting my nephew who recently came out live with us after getting kicked out? | REPOST | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4j02r/aita_for_not_letting_my_nephew_who_recently_came/ | false | false | [
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z4le79 | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/agirlhasnoname_2 in r/amitheasshole**
---
&nbsp;
[**AITA: I, a female, want to give my fiance my last name, but my father and brother don't want me to. Am I wrong for planning on doing it anyways?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/eh8f8j/aita_i_a_female_want_to_give_my_fiance_my_last/) - 29 December 2019
To start, my fiance is willing and happy to take my last name-- he grew up with a horrible father. He has no attachment to his last name and no siblings. I have a very unique last name and a strong attachment to it.
I brought this up to my father and he said wasn't so sure about it, given my brother is the only male in the family who would carry on the name. My brother found out before I could bring it up to him and called me, saying I was being inconsiderate and couldn't believe he hadn't been asked. This got me irritated, because in my opinion, I have just a right to share my name as he did with his wife. He and his wife have been married for over a year and I think they feel possessive about the fact they were the only ones "supposed" to carry on our name.
I think the fact that this is an issue at all is rather sexist. It's my last name too and if I want to give my future husband--who has never had the privilege of feeling like he belongs to a family-- my name, no one should take issue. I have three sisters who aren't yet married, but they shouldn't have to feel bad about giving their name either. I don't feel like I'm being selfish here, but AITA for breaking tradition?
Verdict: NTA
**UPDATE**
Did not expect this to blow up! My father and brother are amazing people and husbands—I think they were caught off guard by my thinking more than anything else. I’ve let it go for now, but will bring it up again simply to explain my thinking and I believe they will understand. They are rational, empathetic human beings, if a little old school sometimes :)
As for my fiancé— he is absolutely amazing and all my family approves . When I originally brought up keeping my last name, he was the one who suggested taking mine as well. He’s perfectly secure in his masculinity for all those wondering lmao.
Thank you for all the encouragement! My fiancé and I will be rocking our kickass last name soon enough.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 3,913 | 2022-11-25T19:08:16 | AITA: I, a female, want to give my fiance my last name, but my father and brother don't want me to. Am I wrong for planning on doing it anyways? | INCONCLUSIVE | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4le79/aita_i_a_female_want_to_give_my_fiance_my_last/ | false | false | [
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z4n0fc | Originally posted by u/moonchild_86 in r/TrueOffMyChest on April 12, '21, updated on July 19, '2.
Trigger Warning: Eating Disorder
Mood Spoiler: >!Heartwarming & Positive!<
[Original post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/mpi934/i_accidentally_trained_my_cat_to_be_an_eating/)
I accidentally trained my cat to be an eating disorder support pet...
I'm feeling guilty today.
I've had this cat for 3 years now. My Ed got significantly worse about 2 1/2 years ago.
At first, I didn't even realise what she was doing. I had a problem with purging for a long time... She would get between me and the toilet, demanding attention and fuss, while I cried. She would sniff my face and lick it, making it impossible to purge. If I locked her out of the bathroom, she would meow so loudly that I'm sure the neighbors heard.
I finally managed to stop purging last year after recovering and relapsing a few times. The lockdowns have been really difficult, and not being able to go to the gym hasn't helped.
A couple of months ago, my cat stopped eating. She got so skinny, she was really underweight. Vets couldn't find anything wrong, I hadn't changed her food, there was no reason for it.
I'm not sure how it happened... One day, I decided to have breakfast, too. So I sat down with my food and put her bowl next to me. And she finally ATE... I did the same at lunch time. And again, she actually ate.
The same the next day. And the next.
We've been doing it for a while now. She's still underweight, but she's getting there.
I wake up at 7am every day. We have breakfast at 9/9.30. I need those couple of hours to build up to breakfast.
I slept really badly last night. I woke up at 9.10, and I just couldn't do it. Lunch is at 12, I just couldn't eat.
I put Lily's food down by me. She stared at me. Stared at her bowl. Stared at me again. Then walked away.
I'm heartbroken that I couldn't do it for her. She needed me to eat and I let her down...
She finally ate at lunchtime. I had a sandwich. She kept glancing at me, pausing for me to continue before she would eat more.
People say we don't deserve animals.
I don't deserve this cat. She is saving my life, quite literally, and I don't think anyone appreciates or understands how incredible that is.
It's also absolutely terrifying. I don't deserve this cat...
UPDATE
I was trying to reply to everyone, but this took off a whole lot more than I thought it would... I can't believe the awards from everyone, the comments and likes, but most importantly, the massive amounts of support from everyone... Thank you for sharing your stories, your pets, your support, encouragement, and your belief in us to get better. I'm absolutely overwhelmed and I really wish I could thank you all personally ❤️
Please know that I'm reading every comment and will try to reply but I do have therapy today so it may take a while.
Also, we've just had breakfast... Lily had chicken and duck, I had granola and yogurt ❤️
[For those who have asked to see a picture](https://www.reddit.com/r/aww/comments/mpcus4/pretty_girl_with_a_blep/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
*Eta, in case that link isn't working:*
https://i.redd.it/vshzofa7lqs61.jpg
Update July 19, '21:
[Lily and I are both a healthy weight now finally ❤️](https://www.reddit.com/r/MadeMeSmile/comments/ond54f/for_anyone_who_remembers_my_previous_post_will/)
Lily was actually cleared at the vets a few weeks ago but I wanted to wait... Last week was my last eating disorder therapy appointment! So now we have both been cleared... I've also managed to get Lily eating on her own. We both eat regularly but now she doesn't wait for me to start eating first...
I just wanted to update everyone and say thank you so much for your support. It's been more appreciated than you'll ever know ❤️ | 20,139 | 2022-11-25T20:15:19 | OP Accidentally Trained Her Cat To Be An Eating Disorder Support Pet (July 2021 TrueOffMyChest) | CONCLUDED | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4n0fc/op_accidentally_trained_her_cat_to_be_an_eating/ | false | false | [
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z4p2ep | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-25T21:41:17 | My sister invited her boyfriend to spend the night in my bridal suite. | CONCLUDED | ImageNo1045 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4p2ep/my_sister_invited_her_boyfriend_to_spend_the/ | false | false | [
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z4rc5q | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-25T23:15:10 | OOP and her husband resolve their resentment | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4rc5q/oop_and_her_husband_resolve_their_resentment/ | false | false | [
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z4rvkc | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/low-watch-8193 in r/marriage**
---
&nbsp;
[**My husband who has been parenting my daughter for 10 years doesn't want to adopt her after she asked him to be her dad for real and I don't know what to do about our marriage.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/qh9tr4/my_husband_who_has_been_parenting_my_daughter_for/) - 28 October 2021
I had a child when I was 16 and I am not with her father and quite honestly don't know where he is. He wanted nothing to do with my daughter. When she was 6, I met my current husband. He promised me he loved her and would treat her like his own, and he seems like he has. We have more kids together. It was her 16th birthday last week and she told me that she wanted her stepdad to adopt her! I thought this was a great idea and he has always been her dad anyways. He said yes and there were a lot of happy tears, and my younger kids were happy. It was one of the happiest moments of my life.
That night he told me we had to talk. He told me that he did love her, but not the same and he felt a bit weird adopting her because he felt like it would be a disservice to her to have a dad who didn't love her like his other kids. He told me that he wanted to talk to her about it and say that she could definitely take the last name if she wanted but that he couldn't adopt her and that he felt bad about it, but it wouldn't be fair to anyone. He said he knows we are a package deal and would always treat her well and like a part of the family but he couldn't be her dad. He told me he was sorry and he felt guilty and that he would take care of it and I didn't have to.
My heart never hurt more in that moment and I genuinely feel like I have failed my daughter. I told him I didn't want him to speak to her about it, and that if clearly doesn't think of her as his kid than it my job as a parent to take care of her. I don't know what to do. Do I ask for a divorce. I've felt sick, dizzy, and numb all week. How do I tell my daughter? I don't know what to do.
And please don't tell me that stepparents don't have to love their stepkids the same because my daughter doesn't have a father and considers my husband to be her dad. He has helped raise her and disciplined her, and shared her best and worst moments with her. I have never felt so terribly about something in my life. Please help. I think I want a divorce.
edit: my daughter said she wasn’t feeling well so she stayed home from school. She asked us if her “dad” actually wanted to adopt her or if he was pretending to because she said he’s been avoiding her ever since she asked. He hugged her and kissed her and told her he loves her so much but needed to talk to her. They are on a drive right now. I pray he doesn’t tell her the truth.
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[**update: My husband who has been parenting my daughter for 10 years doesn't want to adopt her after she asked him to be her dad for real and I don't know what to do about our marriage.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/qkufhy/update_my_husband_who_has_been_parenting_my/) - 2 November 2021
Everyone was helpful. I know a lot of people told me divorce but I am going to try fix things first. I don't want my oldest to feel like its all her fault, younger kids to resent her, snd I am scared he wouldn't want to see her anymore. We are going to marriage counseling. I am looking for a therapist for my daughter. I let my husband talk to her because I felt like I should give them that and trusted that he wouldn't be stupid. They went on a drive. Don't know what was said exactly but they are both upset. I am going to use fake names to make it easier.
My daughter stopped calling my husband dad and calls him Mike now if she even speaks/looks at him. He seems upset by it but I don't know what to tell him. Isn't it what he wanted? My girl has been very quiet and tired and I told her to stay home from school for a few days but she didn't want to.
My other daughter asked us, "Why is Hannah calling daddy, Mike? Is he not her daddy anymore? Does that mean she isn't my sister?" I corrected her and my husband looked horrified but I once again didn't know what to say to him. I've been calling her "your sister" instead of Hannah when I talk about her and I hope it help.
Once again, thank you. I'm exhausted as a mom and a wife but I am the glue right now and I am doing my best to make the marriage work and to be a good mom.
edit: I see I made the wrong choice. I am telling my husband he better fix it. I will start getting my stuff in order and looking for lawyers
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**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 22,592 | 2022-11-25T23:38:09 | My husband who has been parenting my daughter for 10 years doesn't want to adopt her after she asked him to be her dad for real and I don't know what to do about our marriage. | REPOST | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4rvkc/my_husband_who_has_been_parenting_my_daughter_for/ | false | false | [
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z4sjv8 | *\*\*I am NOT OOP. Original posts by*[ ](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwaway-7772552/)u/throwRAcabin6yr *in* r/relationship_advice
*Trigger warnings:* >!manipulative MIL, unresolved sexual issues, emotional abuse!<
This one is long, but the work OOP (35F) and her husband(35M) put into working through their issues makes it a good read.
&#x200B;
[First post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/siwss3/husband_35m_and_i35f_have_ongoing_resentment_that/) Feb 02, 2022
This happened a few months ago but the issue is not resolved and I need advice on what to do about this now. We have two kids, 4 and 3 years old, and have been together for eight years. We both work and our lives have been the typical stress of working full time jobs while managing two little ones. My husband is good about doing his share of chores and is a great father to our kids, but has been complaining about how our sex lives have become dull and boring.
For our 6th anniversary, I thought I'd surprise him with a vacation. I saved up slowly for the better part of the year to rent a mountainside vacation home for 4 nights. It was gorgeous and isolated and had amenities like jacuzzi and pool and outdoor showers and a lot of things that would help fulfill some of the fantasies my husband has. I spend a lot on expensive wine and drinks that we both would love. I made arrangements for sitters for my kids and then told him about the trip so he could plan time off from work and travel.
We got there and on the first night just as we were getting into some hot sex, my in laws showed up. My MiL came with my SiL and BiL and also my teenage SIL. She said that since we had a big place with so many rooms there was place for everyone. I was shocked and couldn't even say anything. My husband was shocked too but he helped my MiL pick a room and set up her stuff there. I was so upset I took my glass of wine and spend an hour crying in the bath tub while my husband stayed with his family.
I woke up early next morning to find that they had finished off most of the very pricey alcohol stash I had bought for the stay. I went on a long hike and when I got back early afternoon everybody was still asleep. My husband was up and he apologized to me and suggested we have a quickie before we went down to make breakfast for everyone. Which just made me angry, so he went on his own to cook and I packed up all of my stuff and got in our car and left. I had left him behind with his stuff.
He called me many times but I ignored the phone till I finished the three hour drive to our home and then texted him to let him know where I was. He was upset and wanted to come home right away but MiL wanted to enjoy the vacation and since she was his ride, he was stuck there for another two nights and finally came home on the day of our anniversary. I spend that day with my kids and friends and ignored him.
My husband was furious with me for abandoning him and we had multiple fights over this issue. My SIL and BIL send me a text of apology saying they didn't realize it was our anniversary and MIL led them to believe it was a spontaneous vacation for everyone.
My husband also apologized for their coming over but said that that big a house was too much for us anyway and we got more bang for our buck since more family members got to use the empty rooms. That hurt my feelings more because it was my hard earned money that I spend to make his sex fantasies true. When I said this he argued back that all he wants to do is be able to fuck his wife whenever without me trying to make a big production out of everything. This argument has just killed my attraction towards him.
I feel like he likes to complain and wish for things but doesn't actually want to make the effort to make them happen if its in any way inconvenient. That he wants me to make his life easy but doesn't prioritize my feelings. That maybe unfair of me to think so because he does so much for our family but my view has become discolored by this event.
He wants us both to apologize to each other and put this behind, but I am unable to let it go. I do want to fix this though and I need help figuring out how to approach this.
&#x200B;
[Second post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/skx4jp/update_husband_35m_and_i35f_have_ongoing/) Feb 04, 2022
This is an update and a vent.
I got some good advice in my last post and some people had pointed out how me leaving him behind could've upset my husband. So when I had our discussion with him again I started by acknowledging that my leaving like that put him in a difficult place. I explained to him why it hurt my feelings that he'd let his family take over the vacation that I had planned and arranged for our anniversary.
He explained that when my in laws showed up, he was embarrassed of me and for me. Before we left on our trip, I had send him the booking details. He called MiL to inform her we'd be out of town for a few days and she asked for details and he forwarded her our reservation info. MiL looks at it and says this is such a big house how many people are going to be there. She couldn't believe I'd get this place for just the two of us and said that is just like me to be so wasteful.
When they showed up, husband says he welcomed them in, so this wouldn't become another reason for them to make fun of me. He claims he was trying to protect me. If I had a good time with them and cooked for them, they'd like me better. I didn't know this, but apparently I am a running joke in his family. In his opinion, the jokes are not without basis because he thinks I do spend too much.
When we were newly married, he got an opportunity for a big contract at work. The prospective clients were very rich folks that he had to wine and dine and present to and he was pretty nervous about that. I thought I'd help him by organizing his wardrobe for the meetings. I researched men's fashion, bought a few nice things and thrifted a few expensive brands, commissioned a tailor for alterations and redid a chunk of his professional wardrobe. His firm got the contract and he got a huge bonus and he showered me with gifts and thanked me for making him look so nice and boosting his confidence. At that time I was still trying to get in my MiL's good graces so I showed off my work to her. MiL laughed at me saying that some girls don't outgrow the doll dressing phase and I was treating husband like my Ken doll. MiL tells the story with her spin to their family and it becomes a joke that I play dressup with my husband. Husband has forgotten how much he'd liked what I did but remembers his mom's version that I went on a shopping spree.
One time husband got the opportunity to chair an important celebratory dinner for his firm's clients. On his behalf I put together personalized gifts for more than a dozen guests. I pulled this off while pregnant and handling a baby so I did all my shopping online. We both were super busy and the recycling had piled up. MiL took a picture of boxes from department stores and used it in stories about my shopping addiction. Again, husband doesn't remember the work I did, but brings up that picture to tell me that I do spend too much.
He would critique me that I need more stamina in the bedroom, so I started Pilates. He brought up that I used to be more flexible, so I took up yoga. I ended up exacerbating my back problems from my two pregnancies and saw a physical therapist who recommended strength training. Not wanting to risk hurting myself again, I hired a personal trainer. That is another joke to them, that I am a flighty extravagant person flitting from hobby to hobby. Husband now says if I wanna get fit I should've joined a sport, but I throw money at personal trainers.
He had never brought up issues with money before. We don't have debt other than mortgage and he never discussed having a more aggressive savings plan. We both make good money in our careers. But he has developed the view of me that I am spendthrift and shopaholic, without giving credence to my reasoning. I know he loves his mother but finds her immature and so he manages her. He is putting me in similar view frames and thinks he is indulging and managing me. There is a lack of respect for my ability to do things with a good reason and a very condescending attitude towards me.
After our lengthy arguments when he couldn't build a valid case for why my spending is to be criticized he brings up again why I'd rent such a big place for our vacation. I spelled it out that the point wasn't the size of the house, but that it was on private land, away from public hiking trails, had a large heated pool and a jacuzzi. For years he's been harping about wanting outdoor sex. Every time we are on a hike, he wants to do something outdoors. Anytime we are at a pool he talks about his pool sex fantasy. But I am a very private person, the very opposite of an exhibitionist and that's something I would never be comfortable with. So I thought making that happen for him in a very secluded setting would be a nice gift. Turns out he never was into outdoor sex, he'd say that just to make me uncomfortable. He claims he was merely flirting, to get a rise out of me. But I think it was his way of making me feel like I was lacking, to keep me on my toes. He would bring up his desires for different sex acts and I wanted to make him happy so much and so we did everything that can be done in the privacy of a bedroom. Then he figured what was my absolute limit and that he could complain about. No wonder he never got the point of my gift because that wasn't something he wanted. My not being able to do something was more valuable to him.
I loved this guy so much and worked so hard for him and our family and meanwhile he was trying to manage me and play me. All those feelings of love have turned to dust. I know what I want to do now, but I am not sure what the right moves are. I've started therapy and I need to think long about what would be best for my kids. I think he's a great father to them, but then I used to think he was an awesome husband.
[Third post](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwRAcabin6yr/comments/t871o8/update2_husband_35m_and_i35f_have_ongoing/) March 06, 2022
I am mostly writing this down to note what has happened since my last post. I don't have a question so not posting it to the RA subreddit.
I have spent the past month focused on myself and my therapy. I did talk to two different divorce lawyers and I have a good idea of what to expect if I were to pursue divorce.
About a week after my last update I talked to my husband about separating our finances. He was shocked and unhappy that I am taking these steps. I reminded him that how I spent money has become a big issue for him so this ought to make him happy. It didn't.
I have moved my paychecks and savings into a new account at a different bank. I offered to him that we split the house payments and bills 50-50. Though he makes a lot more than me, I do make more than enough. He said he disagrees on the separating finances and he's not going to make a move on that. He isn't taking me out of what are now his accounts. Since I am the one who usually makes the bill payments, he wants me to continue handling that.
He still feels that I am blowing up a minor issue. I admitted to him that I have talked to divorce attorneys to see what my options are and that shook him up. He was pretty angry with me and very hurt and that did make me feel bad. He wants us to go to marriage counseling and I want that too.
The situation with my MIL isn't getting any better. I didn't give a background on that the last few posts I made, but MIL has become a bigger issue since FIL passed away two years ago. She was always difficult and didn't like me from the start, but things have become much worse since she lost her husband. We have a spare guest room and she'd frequently come and stay the night if she ever got into any minor argument with FIL. She has keys to our house and would just show up and sleep in the guest room as if it were her room in our house. These overnight stays became more frequent since FIL passed. She mostly spends time with my older SIL and has moved next to her and practically lives with her, but when she gets upset there, she'll come sleep at our place.
Now along with separating finances, I had decided to move out of the master bedroom into the guest room. Husband is not happy about it because he doesn't want me to leave. MIL is pissed that I have taken over what she thinks as her room. She wants me in the kids room instead. Since this is my house too, that is not happening. She has had many tantrums about me living in "her" room. Husband has asked her to knock it off and told her to give us space while we deal with our issues. He's asked her not to come to our house unless invited and that brought on a new storm.
She came by a couple days ago while husband was at work and told me she's looking forward to me leaving. She told me about women she's lining up as potential dates for my husband as soon as he starts dating and how they are so much better than me. She mentioned two of her family friend's single daughters, Amy and Beth (fake names) who've always had a crush on my husband according to her. I know these women, they are nice, I've nothing against them and I could only roll my eyes at her trying to make me jealous. I told her Amy is very pretty, but husband is an ass man so she should go with Beth and I got such a kick out of the shocked look on her face. Later, when husband came home, he wanted to know why his Mom is telling everyone that I admitted to being a lesbian. I could hardly breath, I was laughing so hard. Told him what his Mom was saying and he was pretty pissed. He called and yelled at her and has banned her from our house, so at least I have that going for me.
&#x200B;
[Fourth (final) post](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwRAcabin6yr/comments/vy5z4r/update3_husband_35m_and_i35f_have_ongoing/) \- July 13, 2022
Husband and I have come to an agreement about our future and I am writing this down for you awesome people who have commented and helped me.
We went through marriage counseling and individual therapy, for both. A lot of issues with regards to how we communicate were brought up. We had been drifting apart for the past two years and a lot of it was due to FIL passing away and MIL, who had completely relied on him, clinging on to my husband. Then there were issues with work and stress of managing two very young kids.
While we addressed many issues in counseling the two main were MIL's interference and our sex life. Regarding MIL, husband has been dealing with a lot of guilt and frustration. He was close to FIL and devoted to him but disliked his mom. After his Dad's passing he felt like he had to take on his responsibilities, something that MIL guilted him into about, and one of the major responsibilities is managing MIL. And MIL's whole personality lately has become fixated on me. It's non stop all the ways that I am wrong and she's smart enough to be both subtle and overt about it with everyone. She's been relentless and I have no idea what she's got against me that she'd go so far and work so hard to put me down. I suppose husband has been continuously exposed to it so much that what she says has become reality to him.
Regarding our sex life, husband was both flabbergasted and upset that I am now seeing his "criticisms" as abuse. He explained that he's always been very happy with our sex life. Early on in our relationship he found that if he ever said something about hey lets try this, I'd sit and analyze our fun times and he found that a major turn on. I am an analytical person by nature and its practically my job to evaluate and write reports and recommendations. It became like a kink for him to watch me do a detailed discussion with him post sex. He did not realize how much effort I was putting into this because to him it was just a fun thing we did.
None of this made me happy with him and the realizations from counseling made me feel that I won't be happy in this marriage. We were living as roommates in the same house and I had stopped doing a lot of stuff I used to do for him, both at home and with regard to his work travel and work social engagements.
For his part, he did acknowledge that he had been unfair to me and he had become so used to me doing everything that he had been taking it all for granted. Then he proposed to me that we start all over again, stay married but start dating each other again and rebuild our relationship from the ground up. He managed his work situation so that he can elect to relocate to a new place, about 8 hours away from where we live and we restart everything together without family influence.
I agreed to that, but I was skeptical about whether he'd move and leave MIL behind. When she found out about the possible relocation she blew up and tried hard to get husband to change his mind and stay close to her. Even SIL came to talk to me to convince him to stay because otherwise MIL was losing her mind and it'd become a much bigger challenge for her.
We did move though and husband has kept his word and things have been pretty nice with him for the past couple weeks. Since I work remotely, moving wasn't a problem with my job. I am going to stay out of putting effort into his career though and focus on mine instead. Other than my own full time job and being a parent who does most of the work and managing the house, I was also doing stuff like his damn PA and I am so over that. Husband has been very supportive with everything and is making more of an effort to be the one who plans things with kids and dates with me.
&#x200B;
ETA - Recent updates from OOP in comments:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/undefined/comments/vy5z4r/comment/ixt0s7f/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/undefined/comments/vy5z4r/comment/ixt0s7f/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
[https://www.reddit.com/r/undefined/comments/vy5z4r/comment/ixug9aq/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/undefined/comments/vy5z4r/comment/ixug9aq/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
&#x200B; | 6,217 | 2022-11-26T00:07:13 | OOP and her husband resolve their resentment | INCONCLUSIVE | rotfang-conspiracy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4sjv8/oop_and_her_husband_resolve_their_resentment/ | false | false | [
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z4vdhy | Originally posted by u/Kindly_Confidence_82
in r/AmItheAsshole on Nov 12, '22, updated a few times over the next 3 days.
[Original Post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ytafu4/aita_for_pretending_to_be_missing_to_teach_my_dad/)
AITA for pretending to be missing to teach my dad a lesson?
I (16F) attend a private school that I live far away (10 miles) from, so my dad has to give me rides to and from school each day because he doesn’t feel comfortable with me getting rides home from any of my friends’s parents since it could be unsafe (long story). It’s usually okay but this past month has been a nightmare. He’s picked me up from school hours late so many times, even on days where I don't stay after for tutoring and clubs so I get out with the rest of the students. Since it’s almost winter it gets dark out at about 5:30, and my dad knows that my mom doesn’t like me being out alone when it’s dark. She tried talking to him about it two weeks ago, but he told her to just mind her business.
Well, this past Tuesday is where I might be TA. I had a club after school and then tutoring, so I didn’t get ready to leave until 5. As usual, my dad was late. At 5:30 I called and asked where he was, and he told me that he’s still on his way. Another 30 minutes passed and he still wasn’t there, so I called him again, and this time he told me that he’ll get there when he gets there. I got pissed and told him that I could've just gotten a ride home from my friend and her parents if he was gonna not show up when he’s supposed to, that he was a lousy dad for letting me stand in the dark for over an hour while he did whatever, and he blew up on me and told me that if I was so impatient then I should just fucking walk home. So I said fine and hung up. I did actually think about walking home even though it would take me like four hours, but I knew that my dad would see me walking so I just walked to the house of a friend that lived nearby and hung out there for a couple hours. I ended up turning my phone off when I got there so I wouldn’t have to deal with my dad’s BS, and then at 9 my friend’s mom took me home and dropped me off.
As soon as I walked in the door my dad blew up at me, asking me where I was and why I left the school. I told him that I was with a friend and he started screaming at me. When I reminded him that he told me to just walk home when he knew that my mom didn’t like me walking home in the dark, but he told me that I knew he didn’t really mean it and that I was awful for scaring him like that by “pretending to be missing” since I came home hours late with my phone turned off. So now I’m grounded at his house, and even my mom says that even though she agrees that he was out of line, I shouldn’t have scared my dad like that to teach him a lesson. I didn’t even mean to scare him or make him think I’m missing, I just turned my phone off because I didn’t want to get a million texts from him. But I guess I can see why he’d be worried. He’s still not talking to me but I can tell he’s still pissed. AITA?
*More info added in a comment:*
A couple of commenters have said things that I want to clear up:
My dad does not have a job because he has enough money to not work. He’s home 24/7 which is why I get so irritated that he comes late to pick me up.
He does not let me get rides home or go over to my friend’s house after school because an elementary school classmate’s dad got arrested for being a creep.
My mom lives in another town and works until 8.
I have asked to take driver’s training so I can get my license and he said no.
Me and my mom have both told him that being late is more dangerous than getting a ride home. He told my mom to mind her own business and that she only has me on weekends for a reason and he told me to stay in a child’s place.
My dad spam texts me whenever we get into an argument which is part of why I turned my phone off. Once my mom took my phone from me and blocked his number because he wouldn’t stop texting me. I know that I shouldn’t have turned my phone off now and that I was wrong for that, but at the time I just didn’t want to deal with him yelling and swearing at me.
[Small update the same day](https://www.reddit.com/user/Kindly_Confidence_82/comments/ytdobf/small_update_to_my_aita_post/)
After I made this post, I asked my mom if she could call my dad and ask why he kept being late to come and pick me up. They talked for a while, and turns out that he’s been late because he’s been with a new girlfriend. Not on dates or anything romantic like that, they’ve just been hooking up at the house and on his way to pick me up he takes her home.
Well, my mom is mad that he left me alone for hours when he knew that he had to pick me up from school so that he could hook up with some girl, and they got into a huge argument so my mom blocked him. She told me that she’s fed up with my dad. I’m pissed too. This isn’t the first time that my dad has put a girl over me, but this time is different. He doesn’t let me get a ride home or go over to any of my friend’s house because he’s convinced that I could be in danger, but he left me alone for an hour because he was more concerned with getting his dick wet? Fuck no.
I talked to my mom and I’m not going back to his house tomorrow night. Either I’ll skip school this week or she’ll drive me there and let me stay at a friend’s house until she gets off work. I’ll try to update you as the situation develops because I think that my mom is going to try and get custody. Thank you all for the support and the comments, even the rude ones.
[Posted in r/advice ](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/ytipb4/i_16f_am_considering_cutting_off_my_dad_51m_what/)
Hello, I’ve already posted more about this situation in another sub but TLDR: my dad has been late picking me up to school every day for a while, we had a huge fight about it on Tuesday so I went to a friend’s house and turned my phone off, and today me and my mom (45F) found out that the reason he’s been late to get me is because he’s been hooking up with his new girlfriend (20s?according to my mom F) at the house and then dropping her off when he’s on his way to get me. My mom is livid and so am I, and she wants to revisit custody and get full custody over me. I’m not going back to his house for a while even though my mom is supposed to hand me back over tomorrow and I might be kept out of school for the next week.
I’m considering cutting off my dad. When I first made the update to my original post on another sub I was confident that I was, but I’ve been thinking it over more and now I don’t know what to do. My dad is still my dad, even if he’s a bad person, and I do think he loves me even if he yells at me and puts girls over me. But people in the replies of my OP sent links about emotional abuse and I read them and they sound a lot like my dad. I can’t get them out of my head. Should I cut him off? Is there any way that I can mend my relationship with him? Please help
[Last update, 3 days later](https://www.reddit.com/user/Kindly_Confidence_82/comments/ywefnv/update_to_my_previous_posts/)
On Sunday evening my dad came to get me from my mom’s house and when my mom wouldn’t hand me over he threw a fit. He blew up on me telling me that I was a horrible daughter for trying to abandon him for my mom’s house and that I was a useless c**t like my mom and that I needed to learn how much he sacrificed for me. He told me that I was cruel for scaring him last week and then trying to leave him alone because my mom turned me against him. It made me cry a lot to be honest but he did leave eventually after my mom threatened to call the cops. He kept spam texting me all night on Sunday and all day yesterday calling me terrible and saying that he wishes I was aborted because I’m not the same as the daughter he knows but my mom has his number blocked on my phone now and she told me not to unblock it.
I don’t know what’s happening on my mom’s end other than my dad wouldn’t let her in the house when she tried to go over to get my important documents but she told me that she’s going to try and get full custody of me still. Knowing my dad he’ll try to fight to keep custody but since I’m old enough I hope that I can stay with my mom.
I’ve been reading some of the links that I was sent on here and I appreciate the resources. I realize now that a lot of the behaviors that my dad has done qualifies as emotional abuse now but to be honest I have very mixed feelings about all of this. I’m happy to stay with my mom and I want to be here but knowing that my dad thinks I’m terrible and wishes that I was never born is really upsetting. It’s just really confusing because he also spam texted me telling me that he loves me and wants me to meet his girlfriend. I don’t know what to think but I have been doing research about going to one on one therapy and I don’t know how to bring it up to my mom. Is there anyone that’s been to one on one therapy that can tell me if they like it or not? I’ve been to family counseling/family therapy before with my parents but I was a kid and I don’t know if it’s different than one on one personal therapy.
Thank you all for listening I’ll try to have another update soon
[New Update Nov 26](https://www.reddit.com/user/Kindly_Confidence_82/comments/z5fce6/another_update/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Another update
It’s been a week and a half since my last post and honestly I thought about not coming back to this account since a lot of people on my AITA post thought that I was the asshole and a brat, but since it’s been featured on r/bestofredditorupdates and more people seemed supportive I thought that I would give another update.
I don’t have any updates on a legal perspective because I think my mom is meeting with a lawyer for a consultation this week so officially I’m still supposed to be weekdays with my dad and weekends with my mom.
I ended up going back to school for the last couple of days of the week of my last update because I had a test and a project to get done. On that Wednesday I went over to my friend’s house after school like I talked about with my mom, but that Thursday my dad picked me up in the middle of the school day and took me out to lunch to meet his girlfriend. I didn’t want to go at first, but I couldn’t really do anything else so I just went with it. He told me that he was sorry for what happened and that he wanted to make it up to me and then introduced me to his girlfriend. She’s actually cool and we got along well. Her major is in a similar field to the one that I want to go into someday, and we talked about it together and she gave me advice for applying to colleges. She told me that she was sorry for the misunderstanding between me and my dad, which annoyed me because it wasn’t a misunderstanding, but I guess he told her a different version of what happened. My dad didn’t say much to me directly at lunch, but he kept interrupting my conversation with his girlfriend to talk about how he’s happy that we get along and how proud he is of how I turned out. I didn’t know what to think of it earlier, but looking back on it now it really ticks me off. WTF?
I ended up going home with him after lunch and he surprised me with some new clothes. He got me clothes in the style that I actually like too. I felt really good about the situation. Then we watched tv and cuddling on the couch until I started getting tired. I went to go take a nap in my room but I ended up falling asleep for longer because when I woke up it was dark outside and my dad told me that my mom was going to get me on Monday because she kept me away from him for most of the week. I found out from my mom that my dad called her at her work phone number and told her that if she tried to come and get me then he’d call the cops on her for harassing him. He actually did call the cops on her while I was asleep because she didn’t listen and came to get me anyways, and they made her go home. That Friday my dad told me that he would pick me up from school, but I told him that I wanted to go home and see my mom. He got upset and asked why because I spent all week with her, but I insisted and told him that we could just text. We argued about it the entire ride to school and he only gave up because I promised I would come over on Thanksgiving and cook and spend the day with him. So I unblocked his number and we spent a lot of the next few days texting. I guess it was dumb of me to, but to be honest I just really wanted to talk to my dad because he was being like how he used to be for once. I wanted to give him another chance.
The next time I saw him was on the day before Thanksgiving when he came to pick me up. My mom didn’t want to let me go but I told her that I wanted to because I honestly wanted to spend time with him, since we had been texting for a few days and he didn’t say anything bad about me or yell. I really regret it. Thanksgiving was a disaster. The morning of he did an inspection and yelled at me because I wore an outfit my mom bought me that he said made me look like a prostitute. And to be clear, no it wasn’t revealing at all, it was skinny jeans and a black off the shoulder sweater. Then he made me do all of the cooking when he told me that we would cook together like he promised. Instead he just sat on his butt and texted his girlfriend because she was having a rough time seeing her family. He ONLY wanted to talk about his girlfriend with me. Among other things he asked me how I would feel with her as my step-mom. As far as I know they’ve only been together for a month or two and they don’t go on many dates so I have no idea where this came from, but it made me feel like shit that once again he put his girlfriend over spending time with me. The only bright side of the day was when I got to eat, but even that got ruined because my pie didn’t turn out right.
I texted my mom to come and get me after dinner because I was tired of being there and I left while my dad was in the bathroom. I told her everything that happened. I cried for like an hour. My dad texted me and asked if I wanted to go see the Black Panther movie with him and his girlfriend but I said no and told him why. I said that I don’t think I want to see him again any time soon because I feel like he was putting his girlfriend above me again. And he blew up on me again and started doing his usual spam texting. So I told him to leave me alone and blocked him.
Its safe to say that I’m done with him for good this time. I feel like such an idiot for deciding to give him another chance. My mom tells me that I shouldn’t beat myself up over it, but I wish I hadn’t. My mom tried to stop me from going and I didn’t listen. But that’s all I have to update you on really. I’m going to hopefully start therapy soon and now I’m 100% certain that I’m never going back to my dad’s. I’m going to see the Black Panther movie with her instead and she said that I can audition for my school’s winter play if I want to! Things are weird right now but I’m excited to live with my mom and do things I want to instead of being a hermit at my house like my dad made me be. So I guess the lesson that I learned is to always listen to my mom.
I will continue reading all of the resources and information that I’ve been given! I appreciate all of the love and support from you all. Things are difficult for me and I feel like trash because of how much things have changed but you guys are keeping me afloat.
And to answer some questions:
- My parents divorced when I was a kid because my dad cheated on my mom. She decided to forgive him at first and we did family counseling/therapy for a while, but after he cheated again she filed for divorce. My dad has primary custody of me because during the divorce my mom couldn’t afford to fight him on custody after a while and he had a better lawyer. My mom has never done anything to endanger or mistreat me. The reason that he told her that she only has me on weekends for a reason is because he wanted to make her angry.
- When I say that my dad has put girls over me before I mean a couple of things. Aside from cheating on my mom and this, he’s had a few girlfriends that hated me and wanted me to go live with my mom full-time. He would cancel our father-daughter dates and pick me up a day later at points because a girlfriend wanted to see him. I’m used to it and that’s why I felt like a dumbass for being surprised.
- I found my dad’s girlfriend on Instagram and she’s 22. People thought that she was 20 because of how I worded my r/advice post, so I wanted to clear the record that she’s six years older than me and not four. I don’t get what she sees in him because he’s almost thirty years older and she doesn’t seem like she’s a sugar baby or gold digger. He is very serious about her though, he told me on Thanksgiving that he thinks he wants to start a family with her. I also don’t think she knows the real reason why I was fighting with my dad.
- I don’t know how to describe my dad’s inspections other than it’s similar to when you get patted down by airport security. He started doing it when I was 13 and he does it often. I’m usually fully clothed when he does it but he has done it before while I was in my underwear. My mom doesn’t know about this but thanks to the advice and help of some redditors I will tell her.
- Yes my dad still spanks me. And because I know someone asked he uses his hand and not a belt or paddle(????)
- I don’t know much about s*xual abuse so I couldn’t tell you whether he does that or not aside from the inspections since people think that counts. If anyone has resources about this I would appreciate them or if anyone has specific questions about things that might count I can tell them if he’s done it or not.
- My dad doesn’t want me going to friends houses, getting rides home, or anything because when I was a kid a classmate’s dad turned out to be a pedophile and he doesn’t want me to be molested or killed. I’ve told him that it’s stupid and makes no sense but he doesn’t listen.
**Our OOP is asking for some feedback on going to therapy. If you'd like to leave some advice or experiences for her, do so in these comments: I will notify her of this repost. Please remember: I am not OOP, be kind in the comments, and do not comment on the original posts as it is against BORU rules.** | 5,500 | 2022-11-26T02:18:20 | OP 'Pretends To Be Missing' To Teach Her Dad A Lesson (AITA Nov 12, '22) | ONGOING | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z4vdhy/op_pretends_to_be_missing_to_teach_her_dad_a/ | false | false | [
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z510v7 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-26T07:10:15 | Could this by chance be a human bone? | ONGOING | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z510v7/could_this_by_chance_be_a_human_bone/ | false | false | [
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z55055 | Posted by u/Purpleindianfrog-379 in r/TrueOffMyChest on Aug 7, '22, updated Aug 22nd and Sept 8th as edits. Edited to add an update from Jan 26, '23
[Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/wix8tc/im_planning_on_abandoning_my_family_as_soon_as_i/)
I’m planning on abandoning my family as soon as I turn 18
My family sucks. I (17m) turn 18 in 2 weeks and I’m getting the fuck out of here as soon as the clock strikes midnight. My parents have extreme bias towards my younger brothers (16 and 15m). It’s been like this forever. I have no idea why. I’ve always been the one who had to do all the chores in the house. I also have always been forced to play every single sport I possibly could to the point where my schedule was packed 365 days a year. My father told me it would teach me to be a real man.
But my brothers never had to do any of that shit. They’re both fat lazy fucks who sit around and play video games all day and all night. They miss school at least 30% of the year and are constantly spoiled rotten by my parents. They already have thousands of dollars from birthdays, Christmas, and other holidays. As soon as I turned 12, I was told I would no longer ever be receiving and gifts from my parents other than “bare essentials.” I was told I had to pay for my phone and any other expenses I wanted to own and to never ever ask for anything. I wasn’t able to own a phone or anything really special for myself until I was 16 because I couldn’t find any actual jobs that paid good money.
My parents also expect me to take care of my younger brothers when I’m an adult. My younger brothers have both decided they will not be going to college and do not plan on working a day in their lives. My father told me “we kept you alive, you owe it to us.” Fuck you. I’m leaving a nasty letter on the table when I leave and changing my phone number, emails, and everything. They will never be able to contact me no matter how hard they try. I know my younger brothers are gonna be screwed for life since they have zero experience on how to survive in the real world but I don’t care. That’s my parents burden now. I hope they go broke from having to fund my brothers lifestyles and I hope they lose everything. I have no sympathy for these people and I will never feel bad no matter what happens to them.
The only thing I owe to my parents is the fact that because of the shitty treatment over the years, I am well capable of surviving on my own in the world. I’ll be going to college to study finance in Virginia (they have no idea I’ve been accepted to any college, never even asked) and I’m also very physically fit due to playing 6 sports a year. However the trauma will never go away. They took away my entire childhood and i will never forgive them for it. They can all go fuck themselves.
UPDATE: 8/22/22
I’m happy to report that I am officially gone.
So the last two weeks after I made this post have been crazy stressful, but I’ll sum them up here. I changed my number a few days ago by calling my SIM card provider. Then I went and got a copy of my birth certificate since I don’t know where my actual birth certificate was (I couldn’t just ask my parents) and I also made sure to check that my bank account was secure and not shared with my parents.
I purchased a plane ticket last week to fly in to Dulles International Airport in Virginia, just outside of where I’ll be attending college in Fairfax. Finally, I called one of my cousins, whom I am very close with, and asked him to please pick me up at around 12:30 AM last night. He agreed with my decision to leave and told me he was proud of me for taking action to improve my life. I packed my stuff up after everyone had gone to sleep and waited. I decided to keep my note to my family short and sweet; all I wrote down was that I was moving to go to college in California (lmao) and that I was never coming back.
So, last night my cousin picked me up, we went to the police station where I gave them my proper identification and informed them that I am not missing and am leaving on my own accord now that I am 18. They told me they’ll keep it in mind and will watch out for that potential call in the next few days. I got a few hours of sleep at my cousins and then flew out of New Orleans International at 6 AM.
I am now sitting in my college dorm 950 miles from home and I’ve never been happier in my life. I can’t wait to meet new people and finally enjoy my youth. Thank you to everyone who gave me great advice on here and commented their support. I didn’t expect this post to take off like it did but I’m happy my story has effected so many. I will update again in a few weeks.
UPDATE: 9/8/22
Damn! This post took off again these past 2 days. My phone has been blowing up with demands for an update so I shall deliver.
Life has been good! I’ve been in contact with the cousin who helped me and also a few other family members from back home. He said that my mother came to their house the day after I left to talk to my aunt about me leaving. She cried and gave my aunt this whole sob story about how she can’t believe I would “abandon” them, and my aunt told her maybe she shouldn’t have treated me so wrongly throughout my whole life which caused a huge fight and ended with my mom being thrown out of their house. So it seems me leaving has caused pretty much the uproar I imagined.
I’ve been doing well, met plenty of new people and made friends via classes and dorm neighbors. I’m in a better mental state than I’ve been in a very long time. I feel so relieved and it just feels like a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders. It feels so good coming on here and reading all the support and positive comments I’m receiving. I’m really grateful for this community! I will continue posting updates in weeks to come. Thanks for everything everyone!
EDIT: 1/26/23 As promised, I am here for another update. I waited a long time in between updates to really let my life unfold so I could fill you guys in on a lot. Things have been great! I went back in to my hometown for thanksgiving and Christmas to spend time with my aunts, uncles, and cousins. Literal blocks away from my parents house but they are not welcome at those events anymore so I wasn’t worried. They still don’t know where I am or what I’m up to and have apparently given up on trying, which I’m perfectly happy about. College has been great, made lots of new friends and have been keeping the grades up (3.9 GPA!!!). I love my new life, honestly. I never went to therapy or anything, despite numerous suggestions from some of you, but I feel like I’ve done well enough without it. I’ve learned in these months how resilient I really am. I got two jobs on the side at different restaurants in the town around campus, mostly dishwashing and working on salads. Simple stuff, but I’m making enough side cash to provide for myself. Since I got a free ride to JMU, I don’t have to worry about a college savings account or anything, so that’s a huge plus. Thanks for all the continued support and comments over the last few months while Ive been silent. I hope you guys enjoy the update. I’ll be back someday! Much love
**Just a reminder that this is a repost and I am not the OP**
**I am flairing this concluded as OP has escaped his abusive family and made it safely to his college.** | 21,758 | 2022-11-26T11:07:13 | OP Plans To Escape His Toxic Family When He Turns 18 (Sept 8, '22 TrueOffMyChest) | CONCLUDED | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z55055/op_plans_to_escape_his_toxic_family_when_he_turns/ | false | false | [
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z58afg | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-26T14:03:39 | A Husband and Wife actually communicate properly | CONCLUDED | Jschlings | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z58afg/a_husband_and_wife_actually_communicate_properly/ | false | false | [
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z5avgs | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-26T16:01:38 | Op and his parents | ONGOING | Ambitious_Forever977 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5avgs/op_and_his_parents/ | false | false | [
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z5crtu | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-26T17:23:02 | Debt collectors wants to see my father in law, well here you go... | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5crtu/debt_collectors_wants_to_see_my_father_in_law/ | false | false | [
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z5fzo4 | **I am NOT OP. Original post in r/relationship_advice**
mood spoilers: >!sort of hopeful!< inconclusive, account deleted
---
&nbsp;
[**My (M27)'s wife (F30) doesn't want to take care of my deceased brother's son (M6) anymore**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qfem9r/my_m27s_wife_f30_doesnt_want_to_take_care_of_my/) - Oct 2021
My brother died from COVID in May. He specially requested me to take care of his son after he went, because his wife also died from COVID in February. I agreed because I loved my brother dearly, I am financially stable and I am prepared. Of course, I asked my wife first. She, in fact was the one who agreed instantly. She have always wanted to be a mother and she was excited but serious to start.
So we took Aiden into our family. He is well-behaved and intelligent (mature for his age) but taking care of a kid is no joke. For me, I work from Monday to Friday (basically the whole day but I still make time to help out and spend time with Aiden). To be honest, it is extremely tiring. However, I won't give it up for anything, I love him with my whole heart and I want to carry out my brother's wish.
My wife stays home and watches over him while I work during the day. She initially had no problem but after 2 weeks, she was tired too. Now, nearly 6 months later she is exhausted and somehow completely done with Aiden. Two days ago, she told me that she wanted to stop taking care of Aiden. I was shocked - both me and my wife promised my brother that we would take care of him.
I asked why - I knew it was tiring, but I could try to help out more - I could try paying someone to help too. She said "No, I'm just tired. I don't want to do it anymore." I got a bit angry at this point. I told her she agreed, and what would we do with Aiden then? She said "Just give him up for adoption, please."
I said no. She got furious - she said that I didn't know how it was like to take care of him full-time. I agree about that but I promised I'll try dedicating more time to help her. I said that I would do 50% of the housework too. I said that I would get a helper, a babysitter, etc. but she wouldn't change her mind. She said she had this idea for a while. I told her I needed to think, and she said okay, I'll give you time to think.
Reddit, what do I do?
tl;dr - After both my brother and his wife's death, my wife and I are now taking care of his young son. My wife is tired and she doesn't want to take care of him anymore.
&nbsp;
[**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qhbgew/update_my_m27s_wife_f30_doesnt_want_to_take_care/) - A week later
I sat down and talked to my wife. I told her that I would not get rid of Aiden but I want to work things out between us. My wife admitted that she loves Aiden but it's hard to take care of him because he misses his parents terribly. She said that he clearly needed a loving family - but it'd be easier to give him up for adoption. I begged her to think more before confirming, and asked her if she really wanted to abandon him. She said no, but she was firm it was the right choice.
I told her I have gotten a babysitter and a helper. They would start in November which is in a couple of days. She was horrified at first but she eventually agreed to let them stay (however she said they would only stay for a month for trial, first). We are still carefully trying to fix things, but it's a huge relief that she accepted the sitter.
I told her that since we got the extra help, she would take the week off. On Saturday, she's going to a spa villa. She is still hesistant about everything, but she has seemed to calm down a little. I'm going to talk to her more about things after her break - I hope that she would soon realise that giving Aiden up is terribly wrong.
I'm going to tell her about the counselling during the weekend after her rest. I don't want to spring everything on her at once, and she's quite sensitive to the counselling topic.
Meanwhile, I am taking time away from work for at least two weeks. I was worried that my boss wouldn't like it, but surprisingly and thankfully after hearing my side, she agreed. I am so grateful that I have enough savings to pay for everything. However, I'll go back to work before December comes.
During my break from work it will be my turn to parent Aiden. After reading the comments, I realised that what I did for the family mostly centered around making money. Money is essential, of course, but I realised that I have not been around enough. I'm reflecting on myself as a husband and father and I'm going to get a coach to teach me how to be better to both Aiden and my wife. I also realie that I have a lot to work on myself and I'm trying to fix myself now.
Things are still complicated, but I can see that they will get better. Aiden will be our main priority. Yesterday, I told Aiden that I would be teaching him how to play the piano and he's excited. In return, he would teach me how to draw dolphins.
tl;dr - I got a nanny and helper. My wife is taking a break. Things hopefully are getting slowly in place.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 9,589 | 2022-11-26T19:41:25 | OOP: My (M27)'s wife (F30) doesn't want to take care of my deceased brother's son (M6) anymore | INCONCLUSIVE | bigbluesandwich | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5fzo4/oop_my_m27s_wife_f30_doesnt_want_to_take_care_of/ | false | false | [
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z5gys4 | Could this by any chance be a human bone?
Posted by u/specialant999 in the r/biology subreddit August 3, 2022
[Link to the picture & post](https://www.reddit.com/r/biology/comments/wejzm9/could_this_by_any_chance_be_a_human_bone/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
**OP wrote the following in the picture description:** “so I basically found this in a beach here in Portugal, Algarve. It was swimming in the ocean near the sand. I want to bring it home but I don’t know if it could be human.”
*Comment of note:*
u/Dr_PoopiePants “Osteoarchaeologist here: I believe this is a human humerus. I think you should probably contact the local authorities.”
——————-
**Update 1**
So far this is what we know (or think we know): This is probably a Human Humerus. It's almost the same size as mine (I'm a 17 year old male - 176cm) and it's also broken. The edges are not sharp so it's probably been on water for a long time. Day 1 I tried to contact authorities but they said to contact other people and didn't even know exactly what to say. Police in Portugal rarely do any shit so I think they might not find anything out. Still I'll try to contact them again Day 2 (tomorrow) - (yes that means I went home with the bone). I'll try not to touch it and keep it safe. I want to have some closure :) Also a lot of people sometimes go missing on beaches because of the strong waves. (I still don't know if it is broken or cut, but it's probably broken). I didn't find any specific news that could help.
Small edit: I already contacted Polícia Judiciária, they were the ones I called yesterday (day 1).
Location: Praia Da Manta Rota, Algarve, Portugal
Day Found: August 2nd
(BTW is there any way I can update directly on the post? Or pin this comment?) - (I'll probably use this comment as a update I still don't know). I'm on mobile so it's kinda confusing.
And thanks to everyone helping :)
—————
**Update 2**
Hello everyone, I just woke up (I barely slept tbh) but I'll try to share my thoughts and things I think might be relevant.
First of fall I wrapped the bone with some paper towel as some people said for me to do it and I'm trying not to touch it.
Turning the bone to authorities might not give us an answer to this case ever, but it's probably the only solution I have. I only got until day 6 to do something (since I'm from another location in Portugal). I don't know if they are able to keep us updated but I'll try to ask for that. Maybe the news will, in case anyone notices it went on the news tell me please. I personally won't report it to news channels because it might be from some member of a family (and maybe the family doesn't want it to appear on the news).
Quick reminder that I know where the bone was found, it's easy to remember since I always stay in the same place in that beach since I was a kid. Anyways it was "swimming" on water for a long time probably, so location might not be that important.
I also don't feel like spending my personal money to have someone tell us about the bone hahaha. And I don't know if I can just give it to a university, maybe I have to talk to the police first (I'll try to ask that, but I doubt they say anything useful).
And thanks to everyone helping, everyone interested and thanks to the ones giving awards :)
I'll probably call them later and after that I'll try to keep you updated :)
(btw: I'm trying to keep me out of trouble or my parents since I'm only 17, I really don't want the authorities mad at me lmao).
Oh and I just received a message from an archeologist saying they know someone that could help (he is a biological anthropologist and works at "Universidade do Algarve"). I'll try to contact them first it may be helpful :)
————-
**Update 3**
Update 3 (Day 2 Night):
I gave it to the authorities. This is what happend. Before trying to call them again I sent an email to that guy I mentioned before. He answered me saying it does look a lot like a Human Humerus and thanked me for reaching out. He said that the bone looked recent, and bones from most recent years are considered a forensic case and not an archeological one. So he said that I should try to contact Policia Judiciária again. So that's what I did (and no I did not call 112 like they said before, they don't seem to know what to do in these cases or even how to properly proceed with it). When I called they said it probably wasn't human because that would be weird and because it was found in a weird spot, they asked some questions and said it was probably nothing to worry a lot about (and I could take some time to actually do anything). Still he told me I could give it to them in Faro's Polícia Judiciária Department (Wich is wierd because when I called yesterday they told me to do something completely different). So there I went with my bone. When I got there and they saw the bone they were like "ok it is probably human" (not those words exactly, but it's like they expressed it). So they asked me a bunch of questions (like the exact coordinates I found it, my phone number, my sister's phone number - since she was the one who actually saw it inside water - and they asked me to describe exactly what happened. To be completely honest it didn't seem very professional (there was a lot of noise and I could barely concentrate, they were like speeding it a little bit so I might not have given every detail they should get, and there was not a type of report that even matched what I wanted to report - supposedly I reported for a possible crime. They wrote it down, made me read it all the way through and said I didn't need to sign or anything like that. Authorities also said there are no missing people in that area. Now they will send it for inspection and verify if it's human or not (if not, the case is just archived), in case it is there are 2 outcomes. 1st one it's if it matches a DNA from someone (they'll probably investigate it more I think) and 2nd one is if it doesn't match any DNA (in that case they'll keep the bone in case something new appears). I guess this is basically it.... They don't know if I'll ever get feedback and, even if I do, it might take a long time (in case it does I may update here or do a new post). We might never know anything, and I guess that's life.
Thanks everyone who helped, everyone who shared and enjoyed the post, and again everyone who gave me awards <3
I really wish we still got some closure.
Anyways I hope the owner of the bone rests in peace :)
#reminder I am not the original OP | 1,678 | 2022-11-26T20:23:50 | Could this by chance be a human bone? | ONGOING | highandsclerotic | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5gys4/could_this_by_chance_be_a_human_bone/ | false | false | [
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z5h53p | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/possible_salad994 in r/trueoffmychest**
trigger warning: >!suicide!<
---
&nbsp;
[**I have just been betrayed by the 2 people I trusted most and I don’t know what to feel anymore.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yoe7k0/i_have_just_been_betrayed_by_the_2_people_i/) - 7 November 2022
I’m sorry if this is annoying I can’t stop thinking about it and for some reason I feel more secure venting it to strangers rather than people who know me and can judge me more in-depth.
I won’t lie, I have been suspecting my fiancé was having an affair but I didn’t have any solid evidence to accuse him even then I had a feeling that I didn’t want to dig any deeper because I was scared incase what I was suspecting was true.
12 days ago I came home from visiting my moms and I headed upstairs to wake my fiancé as he had a habit of sleeping in way past 2pm and then complain that I didn’t wake him, I open the door and all I see is my practically naked sister rushing to try and get out of a lingerie body suit that belonged to me, I don’t know how to explain it but my mind just went blank like whatever I was thinking about beforehand suddenly disappeared you know when you stand up to fast and your head just gets a little dizzy? That’s what I felt alongside the feeling of sickness brewing in my stomach.
I stood there for a solid 30 seconds looking at the 2 people I trusted most look more shocked than I felt, my fiancé jumped out of bed and suddenly came up with excuses it went from “it was an accident.” To “I was lonely and needed sexual relief.” I probably should add my best friend killed herself 2 weeks ago the girl I knew for over 15 years was suddenly out of my life and even though I’m surrounded by people ive told my fiancé about how alone, devastated and guilty that I couldn’t have done anything to help her.
I just left, I didn’t take my car because at that point my eyes were about to just started flooding, I walked to my friends (10minutes) and confided in her about what happened.
The amount of grief I felt from not only loosing a BFF but loosing my relationships with my fiancé and sister within the same 2 week period, now that I’m sitting down to write this I don’t know if any of these relationships will ever be mended or could ever go back to the way they were, I don’t understand why my sister of all people would do this?
There was never any favouritism toward any of us for her to feel spite, I have never intentionally tried to hurt her , I gave her shelter when she had no place to go and despite her not paying a single penny I bought her food that she liked, made sacrifices in my own home for her, hell she kept ranting about how our living room walls gave her a headache (they were white.) so I took time out of my day to paint it a nice grey color.
My fiancé too, I gave that man everything I was willing to have kids with him despite the fact I always wanting to be child free, I was going to start a family so that he was happy.
I gave him comfort whenever something bad happened to him I spent hours watching unfunny movies that he seemed to find hilarious, I even gave him a fucking locket with our anniversary photo in that he decided to wear while sticking it in my sister.
These last days I’ve went from sadness, to being angry then disgusted and it’s a constant cycle Ive not been able to get out of, despite being smoking free for 2 years I’ve picked up a cigarette (I used to be heavily addicted to smoking from 16-21 I’m currently 23.) there’s the moments when I go to do something but automatically loose interest and even times over dinner, I don’t know how to explain it properly as I’ve never felt this way but Im bored(?) of eating I have to physically force myself to eat something and I have no idea what’s going on to my body at this very moment. for some reason it feels as if I’ve went into hibernation, I sleep almost 17 hours a day now and even for the rest of those hours I’m still tired and force myself to stay awake.
Both of them asked to meet up on Wednesday my sisters exact message was; “Hey I know you probably don’t want to hear from me right now but can you meet me and fiancé we want to talk and we want you to properly hear us out. The situation you found us in was not the most ideal situation to put you in a good headspace to talk about it right there and then, please let us explain I love you and you’re my sister and I don’t want to loose you, please.”
I think it’s too late, it was too late from whenever this affair started or even when you started getting sexual desires for my fiancé I miss my sister but according to what I saw the sister I miss and whoever my sister is now are not the same person.
I haven’t talked to anyone yet except the 1 friend im currently staying with at the moment, I’m scared I’ll be seen as a failure of a future wife, but now I don’t even think I want to be a wife anymore but I guess I’d rather share to strangers than people who know me personally, I apologise again.
**[UPDATE WITHIN POST]**
Hi! Me again, I’m back and editing the post. At first I was just going to dump this vent to get it out of my mind but I want to say thank you for everyone’s advice, I guess this counts as a small update? I’m unsure.
So far nothing big has really happened, the friend I’m staying with has offered to come with me to talk to my parents about this also including my older brother, she honestly been my rock through this whole situation and I couldn’t ask for a better support system from one person though I don’t plan on putting that on her shoulders since it would be stressful to be the “designated support system friend.” I’m currently looking into therapy for both my grief and the affair. I’m not well versed legal wise so I’m currently in the process of looking for a lawyer just so legally I know I’m in the clear incase there would be a loophole somewhere.
I did contact my sister and another copy pasted message I replied; “I don’t plan on meeting with you on Wednesday, I’ll talk to you when I’m ready and wether it be tomorrow or years from now it doesn’t matter you both owe me my own time to heal after the 2 people I’ve trusted most went behind my back, betrayed my trust all under my roof that you both lived rent free under, Bye.”
I can’t lie, I was almost ready to tell her to meet me there and then when she sent that message but I’ve realised (and through help of people in the comments that I can’t thank enough) I need time to work on myself mentally rather than repair a long gone relationship with my sister. No I don’t plan on going back to my ex and never will, maybe one day I’ll hear him out but today is not that day.
As for now I’m getting ready to try and explain to my parents everything that happened, I don’t have any evidence between my ex and sister however I do have their messages they sent me which traps one another (I think that’s the right wording?)
But anyways thank you all for the advice and kind comments & messages have a good day or night!
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 6,074 | 2022-11-26T20:31:16 | OOP’s fiancé cheats on her with her sister | ONGOING | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5h53p/oops_fiancé_cheats_on_her_with_her_sister/ | false | false | [
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z5hcah | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-26T20:39:47 | "How do I [M17] tell my best friend [M18] I slept with his sister [F19] and want to continue doing it?" [SHORT] | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5hcah/how_do_i_m17_tell_my_best_friend_m18_i_slept_with/ | false | false | [
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z5j33o | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwrasadfiance2020 in r/relationship_advice**
trigger warning: >!revenge porn!<
---
&nbsp;
[**My Fiance's ex sent me their sex tapes and I made the terrible mistake of watching it**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/i7f1k2/my_fiances_ex_sent_me_their_sex_tapes_and_i_made/) - 10 August 2020
My fiance (27M) and I (29F) just got engaged a week ago. I proposed to him when I heard from our friends that he was sad that his proposal plans were ruined by covid. We have been very happy this past week.
I guess this caught the attention of his bitter ex (28F). She contacted me on SM and sent me a few videos and said that even though I maybe marrying him, I would never be able to satisfy him sexually the way she did.
For some background, early on in our relationship I was a bit insecure about this ex especially how attractive she was, but my fiance assured me that he would never ever consider being with her again, because she was abusive and used to force him into things he did not like. I soon grew out of these insecurities because my fiance was an amazing bf and always made me feel loved and very secure.
But the ex's message brought back all these insecurities and I decided to watch the videos she sent. It was a huge mistake. I have never seen my fiance so passionate/vocal during sex with me. She even had a video of her giving him a bj in a public place, I never knew he was into all that stuff.
I got really upset and decided to check if he had kept any of these videos on his phone. Turns out he hadn't kept any of them, but I found out messages discussing them with his best friend Sarah. Apparently his ex had sent these tapes to him as well to remind him how good it was between them. He had deleted them right away and blocked her, but was debating whether or not to tell me about this, and thus asked Sarah's advice.
The conversation somehow turned into Sarah asking who was better sexually, my fiance tried to evade the question but she pressed the issue for some reason. It looked like she was teasing him and was being playful, but after a while he got mad and sent her a mini rant. The important gist of it was basically this:
> If you look at it from a purely physical perspective, then yeah (ex) was better. She was more my type physically and sexually. She was very aggressive and passionate and always took the initiative which I liked, and she gave one hell of a bj. But she was also abusive and towards the end, she started using sex as a tool, and instead of feeling loved it became a desperate attempt for me to connect with her.
> Sex with (ThrowRAsadfiance2020) made me realize that sex was not just about the physical aspect. I feel loved and secure and happy when I am with her. Even if she is less my type compared to (ex) the emotional connection means that the sex is automatically great.
Although the second half of his rant somehow saves it, I still feel really hurt by his admission that sex was better with her. He did tell me that he liked me being aggressive and taking initiative, and I do try to be more like that, but once things start happening I end up becoming more passive and let him take the lead. I know I can try being more aggressive, but I am afraid I can never be as good as her and I can never be the kind of girl that can give public bjs. Now I wonder if he settled for me despite not enjoying sex as much with me.
Logically, I know I don't have to be the best at everything for my fiance. But it hurts because he is the best bf I have ever had in all aspects that I can think of and I always thought our sex life was amazing. Now I feel like I just got lucky because I was the first person he dated after that abusive pos and the bar was set so low that he decided that our relationship was amazing enough to make up for that I was not as good at sex as she was.
I feel sad and hurt and I don't know what to do, the ex managed to ruin what was supposed to be one of the happiest period of my life. I don't know how to bring this up to my fiance without sounding like a nut with no self control who thought it was a good idea to watch the videos and snoop on his phone.
&nbsp;
[**[Update] My Fiance's ex sent me their sex tapes and I made the terrible mistake of watching it**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/i98ccy/update_my_fiances_ex_sent_me_their_sex_tapes_and/) - 13 August 2020
As for the update, after posting here and reading the advice and reflecting on my actions, I realized what I did was wrong and a violation of my fiance's privacy. I allowed my insecurities to dictate my actions. Even though my fiance is okay with me using his phone, my intent to snoop made what i did wrong. So I decided to just come clean.
I sat him down the next day and told him that the ex sent me the videos as well, and also came clean about the snooping. He was pretty upset, but surprisingly he wasn't that upset with the snooping, he seemed more upset that his ex had somehow managed to cause drama once again in his life. He told me that he hadn't watched any of the videos because in a majority of them he was uncomfortable with recording them and only did it for her and was afraid if watching it made me look at him in a bad way. This made me feel even shittier for what i did and I apologized again and reassured him that they did not in anyway lessen my feelings or respect for him. I wanted him to have some time to process things and decide what to do about the ex and what I did, so I gave him some space.
That night, I decided to cook his favorite meal as a sort of apology dinner and discuss things. He seemed in a much better mood. He apologized to me for not telling me about the tapes right away and for being an idiot and not realizing that she would come after me when he had blocked her. He told me he appreciated me coming clean about the snooping and understood how I got carried away and that I could have just talked to him and he would have given me his phone and reassured me that he hadn't kept any of the videos.
I asked if he was going to press charges regarding revenge porn and he told me that he wanted nothing to do with her and that we should just move on and enjoy our engagement and forget the whole thing. I told him it was completely his choice and I support him and would delete the videos and block her right away.
Finally, I brought up the texts and he apologized to me for the rant. He told me that was the first time in a long time that he had actually thought about who was better and that he had never actively compared me with any of his exes before. He told me he should have just answered it with a simple "my fiancee is better", and tried to apologize again. I told him that he didn't have to sugarcoat anything and that it was his private conversation with a friend and I have no right to be mad when he wasn't really disrespectful about me or our sex life. I also told him that it was okay if she was better and I didn't have to be the best at everything.
He explained to me that after talking to Sarah he thought more about it and that he hadn't really expressed his thoughts well in the text but he would like to explain it better:
> You are the best I have had, I am not lying or sugarcoating anything. If someone asked me who is the most skilled or the most adventurous sexual partner that I have had, then yeah it would probably be her.
>But that doesn't really matter because if someone asked me what was the best sex I have ever had, my first thought would be the time when we had sex right after you asked me to marry you, and then it would be the night when you first told me you loved me and third would be the time when we had sex in the kitchen the day I moved in. For all her skill and experience, she couldn't even make the top 3, and we have the rest of our lives to make sure that she doesn't even come near the top 100. So no, I am not lying when I say you are the best I have had.
I am not going to lie, despite what I said about not needing to be the best, just hearing what he said (maybe i butchered the quote, he was so much more charming and eloquent) made me really happy, so I kissed him and asked him if he wanted to try and break into the top 3 again. Then, we had sex :) . I didn't really specifically try to be more aggressive but I tried to focus more on what he was feeling to reassure myself that he was enjoying it as much as I did. That naturally allowed me to be the one in the lead and it was great. I could tell that he really enjoyed it as well.
I know I have to work on my insecurities and potentially see a therapist, but for now I will try my best to just forget what I saw on those videos and enjoy being engaged to the most amazing man I know.
TL;DR: I fessed up, my fiance was very graceful and even tried to take some of the blame. We made up and will continue to enjoy the post engagement bliss.
PS: I appreciate the harsh comments that told me I was wrong to snoop. But those of you that sent me hateful pms telling me that I was no better than his ex and that I should leave him? Seriously, fuck off. I maybe an insecure nut sometimes, but I have never ever taken it out on him and would never hurt him like she did. And me wanting to be the best sex he has had is not some narcissistic ego trip. It was because to me he is the best sex I have ever had (and hopefully ever will) and I wanted to be the same for him. I don't think there is anything wrong with that.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 7,664 | 2022-11-26T21:54:06 | My fiancé’s ex sent me their sex tapes and I made the terrible mistake of watching it | REPOST | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5j33o/my_fiancés_ex_sent_me_their_sex_tapes_and_i_made/ | false | false | [
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z5jdiw | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-26T22:06:05 | OOP faces the ramifications of playing the "tell me something you've never told anyone else" game with his girlfriend | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5jdiw/oop_faces_the_ramifications_of_playing_the_tell/ | false | false | [
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z5lr2q | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/dgaomdn in r/legaladvice**
---
&nbsp;
[**My teen sons friend has been abandoned by his family and has been living with us for the last few weeks. What should I do?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/n9t6ec/my_teen_sons_friend_has_been_abandoned_by_his/) - 11 May 2021
First off, I totally love this kid. He has been an amazing friend to my entire family. However, his mother and step father recently split up due to his step father cheating and his mothers recent addiction to drugs. He has grown up in an abusive household and is underweight as they never fed him.
Three weeks ago she dropped him off at our house to stay the night and hasn't returned. At this point it's the best thing for him and he is in no way an inconvenience. He is totally welcome to stay. However, he has one set of clothes and I have been trying to reach his family to get him his stuff but nobody is responding. I really don't know where to start.
I want to call police to get his things, but I don't want him to get placed into a foster family. He is in a very fragile state and I wouldn't want to do that to him. Where do I start? What should I be looking to do? I have no way to get him any help because I am not his legal guardian. I really want to get him some counseling and help with school.
So, how do I help him? He is currently 15 if that helps and we live in WA state. Any help would be much appreciated.
**UPDATE:**
Thank you so much for the outpouring of support. I drove him to his house today and spoke with his mother. His mother told him he had 10 minutes to get everything he needed and to get out. So I got to deal with a very hurt child this morning. I think the resounding answer here was to get a family lawyer.
So that's what I am going to do. I am going to sit down and document everything I saw. I am also gonna ask that he do the same.
He is a teenager and deserves a stable environment which I believe my family can provide. So the end game is that we at least get temporary custody of him until he is an adult. My son has been great through this entire thing and has really stepped up and showed how caring he is. Without him, I wouldn't know half the stuff going on.
So I guess we gained a new family member today. I'm happy that he's here, yet disappointed in the situation.
&nbsp;
**Comment from OP on this post:**
>OP here with another update.
I'm just gonna call him Link, after his favorite video game character. Anyway, we have been through an emotional roller coaster. Shortly after this, I discovered that his mother was meeting him after school and supplying him alcohol, THC vapes, and red bulls. My son is a real straight arrow so he told me about this. I told him that I will treat him like any child in my house and grounded him and took his phone.
>
>During this time he resented me. I did also make him appointments with the school councilor. Link went to several appointments. We also had to get his braces worked on because he got broken brackets, as well as needing to purchase retainers for his teeth. I gave him the money, would make an appointment, and send him in alone. Nobody even questioned it. Same with doctors appointments.
>
>During this time he really wanted to go back to his previous situation, which his mother came back and was living in the house again without him. So I sat him down and told him that I cannot keep him at my house and I would not stop him from leaving, but if he did leave, I had a duty to report everything that happened. He ended up leaving and I reported everything to CPS. Gave texts, letters, social media, all to them as I had minimal contact with the mother.
>
>As I have a couple police friends I started digging into who his dad was, and where he was located. We found him in Arkansas married, with two children. I contacted him and had a full length conversation with him. I asked him about hsi situation and what had happened that he left Link with the mother. Apparently he had been paying her $750 a month in child support and she told him not to contact her, but he had been trying to reach out for years. I explained the situation and he wanted me to write a letter in his favor to get custody of Link. Link was in a downward spiral in his current situation, and I felt that this could be a positive for him. So I wrote the letter and didn't hear back.
>
>A few weeks later my son said that Link was taken by an officer in the middle of class. I tried contacting Link, but got nothing. Tried his mom, nothing. Finally, he called and told me that CPS had removed him and placed him with his dad. They flew him to Arkansas with absolutley no notice and gave custody to his father. The other boys were removed and placed with a family member and there was another boy that was his cousin that lived in the house and he was sent into foster care. The cousin was then adopted by the local school principal and is doing well. It's been almost a year now and Link turns 17 soon. We talk to each other daily and usually play call of duty together. His dad jumps on and plays with me and my son.
>
>We have actually formed a good friendship and I trust his dad. His dad works out daily and is in really good shape. He found out about the drugs and alcohol and he was a recovering drug addict, but found peace in working out. So he taught that to Link who now is muscled up and in incredible shape. Link also got a job at subway and is still attending Highschool. He just purchased his first car for $500 from a friend and uses it to get back and forth. Overall, I am really proud of who he has become and still think of him as part of the family.
>
>Him and his dad are planning a trip to my city so that he can see his other brothers, and will be staying with us for a few weeks this summer.
>
>Also, thank you for all the positive comments and feedback. I don't believe I did anything that deserves this kind of notoriety, as I did what felt right. Plenty of mistakes were made and it was a big teachable moment for myself and my family. We didn't expect this, but all the signs were there. One thing we did right was the amount of effort we put into meeting and having relationships with our children's friends. Without it, we may have never known what he was really going through. Take the time to talk to quite kids, as they may have a story to tell.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 10,132 | 2022-11-26T23:50:28 | My teen sons friend has been abandoned by his family and has been living with us for the last few weeks. What should I do? | CONCLUDED | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5lr2q/my_teen_sons_friend_has_been_abandoned_by_his/ | false | false | [
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z5lsux | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-26T23:52:44 | Derealization is apart of my life now | INCONCLUSIVE | Evening-Leather1815 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5lsux/derealization_is_apart_of_my_life_now/ | false | false | [
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z5maat | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-27T00:14:46 | OOP lashed out at her disabled colleague for fat shaming | ONGOING | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5maat/oop_lashed_out_at_her_disabled_colleague_for_fat/ | false | false | [
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z5n0on | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-27T00:48:24 | OP accused of selling out, but adult communication saves the day | CONCLUDED | chimpfunkz | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5n0on/op_accused_of_selling_out_but_adult_communication/ | false | false | [
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z5olza | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-27T02:04:17 | OOP: TIFU by drunk texting my crush | CONCLUDED | Kithslayer | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5olza/oop_tifu_by_drunk_texting_my_crush/ | false | false | [
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z5r4wy | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-27T04:08:51 | OOP Drunk Texts her crush.... 3 years later | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5r4wy/oop_drunk_texts_her_crush_3_years_later/ | false | false | [
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z5s6cd | Some light reading for you today!
**I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/grandmascakes](https://www.reddit.com/user/grandmascakes/). She posted in r/AITA.
Mood Spoiler: >!happy ending!<
**First** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oghjxb/aita_for_selling_out_on_my_grandmas_secret_recipe/)**: July 8, 2021**
My Grandma was a wonderful baker, and had a secret cake recipe that she had created herself. It used some very uncommon spice combinations in the cake and frosting that produced a very unique but delicious cake. She would always make it for our big family gatherings, and it was always the most popular dessert. When she got sick a couple years ago, she decided to share the recipe so that it wouldn't die with her, and offered to give it to any of her kids or grandkids who wanted it. I was the only one who asked for it before she died. I don't know why no one else did, as there were several other bakers in the family. After she passed, I took over bringing the cake to family gatherings, and everyone was happy to still be able to enjoy it.
I also started making cakes for friends & family, and then for others by word of mouth to make some extra cash on the side. My business was really starting to pick up around the time the pandemic hit, as people who'd had my cakes recommended me to their own friends and family. It soon became too much to keep up with in my tiny home kitchen, so I reached out to a friend who had a catering business with a professional kitchen. Since her business took a big hit with covid, I made a deal to use her kitchen to make my cakes and help supplement the takeout business she started to get by.
My cousin, 'Jane' recently found out that Grandma's recipe was one of my best sellers, and said that I had no right to sell out Grandma's recipe, especially after keeping it all to myself. She had asked for it late last year, but I said no. I told her that she had the chance to get it from Grandma before she died, and didn't seem to care enough to bother then.
Since Jane had lost her job she had decided to try selling cakes too, which I think is why she had asked for the recipe. Unfortunately for her, its not going well. The reviews on her cakes have not been good, and no one has been recommending her. Jane said that the only reason my business was doing well because of Grandma's cake (which she wanted to sell too?!?) and my access to a professional kitchen. The kitchen does help with being able to work on multiple orders at once, but my business is doing well because I actually make good cakes! Jane is a good cook, but NOT a good baker. She doesn't follow measurements properly, and instead does everything "to taste", which works for cooking, but not baking. Using too much or too little of any ingredients like flour, eggs or butter, or even their starting temperature will not give you the result you want.
Jane is demanding that I either stop selling Grandma's cake, or teach her the recipe so she can too. I refused, and said she was a hypocrite for wanting to sell the cake herself after getting angry at me for doing so. When she gave me the recipe, Grandma said that her biggest regret was never opening a bakery like she had dreamed (my ultimate dream now too!). I think she'd love so many people enjoying her cake!
*OOP is voted NTA*
**Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z0996m/aita_for_selling_out_on_my_grandmas_secret_recipe/)**: November 20, 2022**
Firstly, I opened my bakery! I found a great spot near my city's office park/main commuter route to the Big City of a caterer/takeout deli that closed. We've been open since June, and business has been great with all the morning/evening traffic, and the lunch crowd from the business park. We sell cakes, pastries, breads, buns, etc. Typical bakery stuff. I also have a cook who comes in for a few hours in the morning to do eggs & stuff for breakfast sandwiches/wraps for the office folks.
A few weeks after I opened Jane stopped by. She apologized and confirmed what I and others had suspected, she only cared about the cake recipe because she was jealous of my success with my custom cake business. She'd always wanted to work in food, but hated the idea of losing her evenings and working in a high pressure kitchen. So when I suddenly started doing so well, she thought she could do the same but didn't know how to start her own catering business. I apologized too for not wanting to share the recipe, but I was afraid that she would ruin my business by putting out bad cakes and no one would want to buy mine either.
I then offered to have her come in 3 days a week to offer a soup/stew of the day during the lunch rush. I had the extra kitchen space for it, and soups/stews really do suit her style of cooking to taste. She loved the idea and they were an instant hit. She had complete freedom to create whatever 2 kinds of soup she wanted each day, just adding things on a whim, and they were always delicious. They got very popular quickly with the office folks, since there aren't many other take out options nearby without driving about an extra 5-10 minutes out besides two fast food burger places.
We soon expanded to her coming in every weekday, and then making a cold soup option on Fridays for the Saturday lunch (closed Sundays). It's been a great arrangement, since she keeps her evenings/weekends and gets that creative control. In the last couple weeks we've also started doing take-home heat & serve dishes too like lasagna, chicken/steak taco or sub kits, etc. I'll do the pasta/bread, she does the other prep & sauces. So far they've been very popular.
She's tried her hand at baking a time or two again, and has declared she just doesn't have the patience for it, and hasn't asked for the recipe again (nor has any other family).
P.S. For those wondering, Grandma had a standing offer for over a year before she died when she wasn't yet sick enough to stop baking, for anyone to come over and she'd personally walk them through the recipe. She was very sad and disappointed that I was the only one who did so. The other bakers would always make excuses about time or say "later, later". Shortly before she died she said that since I was the only one who bothered, the recipe was mine now. It's still my best selling cake.
**Congrats OOP! We all wish you the best with your business, and I'm glad you are able to keep your Grandma's legacy alive. 💜** | 12,740 | 2022-11-27T05:01:19 | AITA for 'selling out' on my Grandma's secret recipe? | CONCLUDED | LucyAriaRose | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5s6cd/aita_for_selling_out_on_my_grandmas_secret_recipe/ | false | false | [
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z5tiu1 |
Originally posted by u/DoN0tYouDare in r/TrueOffMyChest on April 6, '21, updated April 8, '21 and Oct 22, '21.
[Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/mlmb93/please_for_the_love_of_god_let_him_get_this_job/)
Please, for the love of God, let him get this job
My husband has worked for his company for 4 years. It's absolutely destroyed his mental and physical health. Every vacation, he brings his laptop to get his work done. He regularly pulls all-nighters. It's non-stop. The pay isn't even good.
Over the years he goes through spurts where he applies for jobs, he'll land a couple interviews, get his hopes up, only to have to come back a no and he gets defeated and gives up.
Things have been particularly bad lately. He's applied for multiple jobs, interviewed, and gotten rejected. Except for one job. He's done 3 rounds of interviews and a technical evaluation. He's so close. In theory, we should hear back this week.
The waiting is horrible. It has the potential to do so much for him. He works so hard, he really deserves a win. I want it for him so badly. But if it comes back a no, it will be devastating. I don't know what we'll do.
Please let it be a yes.
EDIT: Wow. I absolutely can not believe the amount of love and kindness that has come from this post. I'm absolutely speechless. Thank you so much. I've shown my husband this post, and he also can't believe how many people he has rooting for him. I'll try to update when we hear back. Hopefully, it will be good news.
Thank you all so much for being a light
EDIT 2: Lots of people have asked what industry he works in - he works in marketing as a content marketer/copywriter. Got his Bachelors in journalism
[1st Update 2 days later](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/mmxyyu/update_please_for_the_love_of_god_let_him_get/)
I wasn't originally planning on updating, but after the massive outpouring of love and support we received, it didn't feel right not to.
Got the email today. He didn't get the job. He's honestly devastated and we'll be figuring out what our next moves are. Part of me wants to be encouraging and find jobs for him to apply for, but it's also so hard because he feels so defeated. I don't want to keep pushing him when he's feeling down and it's just hard.
It's hard to watch someone you love hurt and not be able to do anything about it
I wanted to thank everyone for the love and support we received. It was absolutely unreal. The kindness of so many strangers blew my mind. It definitely helps soften the blow a bit to know that there's so many people that gave a damn about some strangers on the internet.
If anyone has any leads on jobs for a brand-side copywriter/content marketer that's either fully remote or local to Utah, I'd love to hear them.
Thank you so much once again. Sorry to let you all down
[Last update 6 ½ months later](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/qdmvu6/update_please_for_the_love_of_god_let_him_get/)
I still get the occasional messages asking how things are going, so I wanted to post a formal update here.
Backstory: I posted 7 months ago about my husbands horrible job situation and how badly I wanted him to get a new job after so much trial and heartbreak job searching. Unfortunately, he didn't end up getting that job. However, a few months later, things did start to improve a bit. He changed departments in his company. The work was more mediocre and not the stuff he was as interested in, but it offered much better work/life balance so we called it a win even though it presented 0 options for career progressions.
Today I am happy to announce that he was offered and accepted a position at a new company! He'll get to do more of what he wants to do in this position and they want him to build a team under him so there's a lot of potential for growth. It also comes with a 60% pay increase which is fantastic.
After so long trying to get out of this bad situation, it almost doesn't feel real that he's finally getting the win he's been working so hard for. I'm absolutely over the moon.
Thank you so much people Reddit for your support and for just giving a shit about a couple strangers on the internet. It really meant so much to us and I'm so happy that I can update ya'll with good news.
**u/don0tyoudare has left this update:**
Hello everyone, OP here. I've been getting lots of messages related to this post so I figured I'd post an update here where people will hopefully see it.
Unfortunately he was laid off in July and has been searching since. Thankfully I got a new job around that time with a significant pay raise so things are definitely tight financially but we're surviving.
If anyone has any leads on copywriting or content marketing jobs or freelance opportunities, would love to hear them (for myself, or others who have asked me in relation to this post.)
The job market is rough right now | 6,243 | 2022-11-27T06:13:46 | A Woman's Husband Is Desperate To Get A New Job (Oct 22, '21 TrueOffMyChest) | CONCLUDED | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5tiu1/a_womans_husband_is_desperate_to_get_a_new_job/ | false | false | [
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z5trvs | Originally posted by u/Mohnemus1 in r/TrueOffMyChest on June 15, 2022, updated over the next several weeks.
Mood Spoiler: >!Wholesome & Happy!<
[Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/vdc4lo/my_girlfriend_kicks_me_off_my_spotify_account/)
My Girlfriend kicks me off my Spotify account every morning. I couldn't be happier.
My girlfriend (F22) and I (M23) live together. My day starts off much sooner than hers does. I'm usually in the office by 6:30am, which is about when she starts waking up. I'm one of the first people in the office, so I always put headphones on and listen to music as I start my day.
I get about 15 minutes of music before it stops and I get the notification that the output device has changed. This is because we have a Google home that's hooked to my Spotify account. When my girlfriend wakes up, she starts her day with "Hey Google, play ..." So she has music when she's getting ready.
I always just leave my phone open to see what she's listening to, and when she heads out around 7:30, I get my account back. I'm sure that she has no idea that she's participating in this little routine, and I have no intentions of telling her. Sure, it'd be easy to swap it to her account, but I love to know that she's awake and starting her day listening to her favorite songs.
Another benefit of this is that I know what her current favorite songs are, so when we get in the car together or we're just sitting around, I know what songs will spark joy. Some days I think she's onto me.
We're both very happy together, and I plan on proposing here in a few weeks. I'm excited to spend the rest of my life with her.
EDIT: More context for everyone!
Hey Everyone! Your support is wonderful!! I'm so happy that you all enjoyed seeing a snippet of my relationship with my girlfriend. She's my favorite person in the world. If you think I'm sweet, you should meet her.
We met about five years ago in college. We argued over a seat in calculus, then ultimately decided to team up academically because we were in the same major. We were best friends for about three years, and now have been dating for two years. We live together with two wonderful cats.
The engagement ring comes in two weeks, and we have a trip planned next month to have a romantic getaway. I love photography and we both love hiking. Due to this, we always go hiking with my camera and tripod. We always take photos together at the peaks, so I plan on doing that when I propose! I'll try to post an update when it happens!
Love isn't some grand gesture, I've learned it's just a lot of little things that add up.
EDIT 2:
**An Update on the engagement!**
For anyone still keeping tabs, I adore you. The ring is in. It's currently hidden in our home. Due to us finding a cute little townhouse to move into, we will sadly be moving during the timeframe that we hoped to go on our escapade, so it got cancelled. I hope to propose soon, but want it to be meaningful. For that reason, I'm unsure when it'll be. For those of you that have stuck around this long, I appreciate you. I hope to return here soon with some wonderful news. Until then, I wish the very best for you!
**FINAL EDIT**
Closure, in case anyone is still paying attention to this!!
I PROPOSED TODAY! I apologize that this took so long, thank you to anyone that is still keeping tabs. There were a lot of moving parts in our lives that delayed the proposal, so I'm thankful that I finally could. In the end, it was wonderful. She cried, I cried, our parents cried, and our friends are all ecstatic. Now it's time to celebrate and begin wedding planning. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with this wonderful woman.
I hope that you all find love, everyone deserves to feel loved. | 9,314 | 2022-11-27T06:28:00 | His Girlfriend Kicks Him Off His Spotify Account Every Morning (June 15, '22) | CONCLUDED | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5trvs/his_girlfriend_kicks_him_off_his_spotify_account/ | false | false | [
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z5tzjm | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-27T06:40:10 | I (29F) think my SO (30M) is poisoning me, but I am not sure and I don't know what to do | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5tzjm/i_29f_think_my_so_30m_is_poisoning_me_but_i_am/ | false | false | [
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z5w34j | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-27T08:44:46 | I (29F) think my SO (30M) is poisoning me, but I am not sure and I don't know what to do | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5w34j/i_29f_think_my_so_30m_is_poisoning_me_but_i_am/ | false | false | [
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z5zqml | **I am NOT the OP. That is u/OnlyTeers. Originally posted on r/EntitledPeople.**
Trigger warning: >!assault, mention of rape!<
Mood spoiler: >!happy ending!<
&nbsp;
[Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/su6w45/my_entitled_neighbor_and_why_im_afraid_of_him/) *posted on February 16, 2022*
**My Entitled Neighbor and why I'm afraid of him.**
Hello Reddit.
English speaker, not on mobile, but still, please no roasts. If something is formatted wrongly, or is hard to read, please let me know!
Info on me: I am a 30F American, with several mental disorders, including Autism, Psychosis, Depression, the list goes on. However something to note, that these do not cause me to loose compassion, in fact. They do the opposite, I am very friendly, and worry to much about others, and that often gets me in trouble.
I live in a SIP housing, Supported Independent (Forgot what the P stands for.) But it is not an adult foster home. In fact most people here come from group homes, I am a rare case which I did not, however I did fall into a massive depressive lap which caused me to require some extra assistants.
Things you need to know about this is there is one washer and dryer (outside my apartment) and staff in house for 12 hours, and then on call for 12. When I moved in I was the only girl, and at first, things were fine. The neighbor in the apartment down from me seemed fine. We will from now on call him Entitled Asshole.
Cast:
Me : OP
Linsey: Staff Manager
Sam: Secondary Staff
Owners: Owners of the building
Conservator: She handles my money and was once his guardian.
Downstairs Neighbor : Super sweet 65+ year old lady.
Entitled Asshole: Neighbor on top floor with me.
Annoying Neighbor: She is on the downstairs apartment.
Friendly Neighbor: She shares the wall with my apartment.
\-----------
To the story.
When I first moved in, Entitled Asshole was friendly, sometimes, he'd ask to borrow a bowl or something, but he was good at returning it. However very quickly he noticed one thing. I drove a car. The model is important. I had a tiny prius. However, he was to large to fit into my tiny car, and thus when asking me super late at night for rides. I would always decline.
I didn't decline just due to his size however, yes it was a factor, but I am night blind. I cannot see at night and thus I refuse to drive late at night. This is where his entitlement starts. He went from nice to mean in the matter of seconds. Blaring loud music, locking me out if I walked out the downstairs door. (Luckily I carried a key.) and other petty things like that.
Soon Downstairs Neighbor moved in, and he did the same to her, but instead she used 420, so he'd ask for that instead of car rides, as I was still the only one with a car that wasn't staff. I got along great with Downstairs Neighbor and she often would cook meals with me, to which he would suddenly be there as soon as he noticed, begging for meals. Quite like the post I made recently. I refused to feed him too, as he never made any effort to help us with prep, cleaning, or even purchasing food.
The office cat he would dump water on, threaten to get rid of, and more until Lindsey (Who owned the cat) gave him to her daughter when she finally moved into a safe place that allowed pets. The reason the office cat was there...Lindsey's dogs kept trying to eat him, so it was safer at the office where he'd get attention then with dogs that could and would kill him.
Then Downstairs Neighbor's keys went missing, she thought it was odd, and a few days they reappeared, however she'd catch Entitled Asshole breaking into her apartment. Despite my suggestions to call the police, or asking if she needed help. She declined and simply started refusing him to come in and finally had her locks changed.
And then, I got the dreaded. Sign. So I had a sign on my door, that people could write on, when I started working from home. This only lasted a few months before my mental health deteriorated and I had to quit but it was simply to tell people when not to bug me. After I quit, it seemed okay but then the true sign appeared. At a craft show I found an adorable sign that said My cats and I talk shit about you. I thought it was so funny, I bought it on the spot and put it on my door. I have two cats and thus I thought that it would fit!
I'd notice sometimes my sign would be flipped around when I got home from shopping or woke up however. Odd, I'd just put it back. Then Entitled Asshole wrote on my door. "Cause issues for me, I'll cause issues for the town." I instantly went to Lindsey and told her about it. She came and sure enough, it was his writing. She sent images to the owner. And he told me to take down my sign. So I grudgingly did. I also removed the pen from my erase board sign so he couldn't write threatening messages to me anymore. However he was never told to remove his 'Blink security' sign on his door which was hand written and right under his peep hole.
Things only escalated from there. He started turning the only lights off in the hall way, he started swearing at me if I walked past him, glaring at me, creeping up on me. He'd stand outfront of my door and I'd see his shadow because of my tinted and distorted plastic/glass panel I had in my door. He then started messing with my laundry. And not because i left it in the dryer to long either.
I had just thrown my laundry into the dryer, and suddenly I hear someone messing with the machine. Odd, I had just put mine in 5 minutes before and I had a load in the washer. I go to open the door and he's blocking it. He had taken my laundry out and thrown it onto the floor, and then thrown his in. Caught in the act he quickly threw his out and grabbed it, putting most of mine back but missing a few pieces. I got out and sure enough, the dryer had been switched to a whole different mode, and my still wet laundry was partially on the ground. I went and complained and again Lindsey talked to the owner. He assigned us days to do our laundry instead of handling this person.
Friendly Neighbor had been coming out of her apartment at this time and had seen what had happened and told me afterword's. A few minutes later he did it again, and I caught him and told him to stop. He cussed me out and left. Please note, I called him out threw a closed and locked door. I was not going face to face with this huge male, when I am a tiny female.
Then the fire alarms started. Yes, the fire alarms. Please note I live in a super old building, the wires for the fire alarms on the top floor are connected, so if say....Entitled Neighbor decided to set off his fire alarm at 3am by pressing the button, it set them off for us ALL. Well, at least Friendly Neighbor, Entitled Asshole and myself. Again I complained, and again, Lindsey and Sam did what they could, but after a week of no sleep. It stopped. However my insomnia had been started due to being afraid to sleep as loud noises cause me to become paralyzed.
Entitled Asshole then would wait till right before noise violations could be called on, and would blare his music in bursts, and right as it hit time that I could call the police. He'd stop. This would be an on off routine, and sadly staff could do nothing as the owner simply said to call the police.
One day on a group shopping trip, I decided to buy us girls drinks, he was in the car, and being extremely rude, slamming doors, glaring at me, swearing at me when no one was around, etch. So I didn't get him one. He shoved Annoying Neighbor as she was trying to help me carry my food upstairs, we had gotten to the door headed up, I unlocked it, he stormed down the stairs and shoved her, then slammed the door behind him. This door auto locks so I had to unlock it again for her. Mind you a few days prior, he had shoved me. We didn't know what to do so we just went on with our day.
The lights continued to go on and off, and my door was nearly broken into at 2am. Again we called the owner, again no response.
Downstairs Neighbor had told me that Entitled Asshole had been talking about how he was a 'tester for god,' and a lot of other unhinged things. Nothing was done.
Finally, I had a panic attack. I had never had one before and I went to the ER. I came back and settled into my bed, slept a few hours and it was my laundry day. Going to put my laundry in, I noticed something. He had put his laundry in, on my day specifically and was doing it, intentionally to goad me. I finally broke. I had enough. I went to ask Sam what she could do and she said she was unable to do anything.
Before people yell about Sam, I questioned her further later. She wasn't afraid for herself. She was afraid because there isn't staff here 24/7. She was afraid for me. I just wanted clean sheets, and I couldn't even get that basic right. I called the owner sobbing, explained everything....nothing happened.
My insurance called me the next day asking about the ER trip. They are sending me an emergency button. I called my Conservator. His ex guardian, and expressed my fear for my own life as he has become increasingly unhinged. She told me to call the cops, I had Annoying Neighbor call them a few hours ago, still no one has dropped by but we will be filing a police report.
I told my doctor what's going on, and she wants my psych medical professional to see me to see about getting me something to help with my fear, as I am growing increasingly frightful and more dread is consuming me. Lindsey refuses to be around him as she is afraid of him, though she has not said it directly you can see her tense any time he comes around. Sam has tried to sooth me.
Every female in this 6 person residence (So four of us) are terrified of him. Finally, we called the owner and his brother, and they are trying to figure out what to do. My mental case worker is trying to find me a new place to live incase I cannot get him out of here.
TL:DR Scared for my life because my entitled neighbor has become unhinged.
&nbsp;
[Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/tzle5h/my_entitled_neighbor_and_why_im_afraid_of_him/) *posted on April 9, 2022*
**My entitled neighbor and why I'm afraid of him (Update)**
You may have read my original post - My entitled neighbor and why I'm afraid of him
So, its been a while since I last posted here, I’ve called the police on him a few times and nothing has been done. Tomorrow I am starting to fill out a restraining order against him. I have tried to cut all contact, and yah.. Today he went outside my door and started saying things about how I’m fat, ugly, and couldn’t get laid. How he was a catch (he’s not) and how he couldn’t pay anyone to fuck or rape me. How he couldn’t even get a dog to fuck me. He used my name and was on the phone, shouting so he’d make sure my noise canceling headphones didn’t ignore him.
I went down to my good neighbors house and called 911. I told them about everything, and they said there was nothing they could do. To file with the courts. So I am.
He’s been screaming at 11am-3am randomly, banging at my door, harassing me, they have had to put locks over the lights to stop him from flipping them on and off. He’s even popped both of one of the workers' front tires. Screwed in 2 screws so when she got it home, it had flat tires. Luckily her family helped her out.
We’re going to do what we can, but the landlord doesn’t seem to care and I can’t find new housing. I’m trying.
As for other notes. That neighbor who was trying to mooch off of my food and he also had pushed had decided to call animal control on me. I have done nothing to her and I take great care of my cats. The day before this event my cat had just been to the vets. She claimed to animal control I had been abusing them, then went to my good neighbor and bragged about lying to them.
I swear….my life is a soap opera.
&nbsp;
[Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/vem39p/my_entitled_neighbor_and_why_im_afraid_of_him/) *posted on June 17, 2022*
**My Entitled Neighbor and Why I'm afraid of him - Update 2**
So, things were so so, but now...its gotten destructive. And I have a light at the end of the tunnel.
For people who have read the past posts, I am sorry to inform you, its worse.
The PPO was denied, but he left me alone, besides doing his laundry at times that were not allowed, and being allowed. He would nit pick, and harrass, chase me off the porch and try to bully me. However yesterday, he tried to attack me.
Please note, where I live, they dispense meds, and they give us 15 minutes with staff per person to catch them up. I came in and was going over some forms for rental assistance to help me get to a new place. Please note I've been constantly putting myself on waitlists, but I was denied due to not making 2400 a month. I make around 1400.
He came in right after me, and wanted me out, I hadn't even taken my meds. When I politely told him it was my time, he started to yell. So...I shut a door to put it between us. And then retreated back to my caretaker. He tried and nearly did, kick down the door, there is a huge mark on it, and he broke the molding around it.
The police were called, and then....nothing. They said they couldn't do anything.
I was in fear already, for he was screaming about how he wanted me to move, how he wanted me gone, how this was his place. And then, when my care taker and I were out, trying to get some stuff so I could settle, I got texts. He was planning on hurting me. He told everyone, he was 'going to get even' he was 'going to physically hurt me' he was 'going to make me pay'. The police came back and I was afraid. I was going to flee to PA where a friend offered to take me....but I had no one to get me there.
I spent a night in a hotel, alone, without my cat, as they wouldn't let me bring her. And then upon waking, my caretaker sent me a text. I was up in line for an apartment. I called them, and I wasn't up just yet. But there were 5 people ahead of me, and only 4 apartments. However from the sounds of it. Two people are not wanting it already, so I am almost guaranteed this place if they do not call by the 25th.
The police when hearing I planned on moving, said they would talk to the chief to try and help the best they could. I am keeping my fingers crossed that this lines up, and by the end of the month. I am free. Because honestly, I can't keep doing this. I will keep you updated.
&nbsp;
[Update 3](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/vk3vew/update_my_entitled_neighbor_and_why_im_afraid_of/) *posted on June 25, 2022*
**(Update) My Entitled Neighbor and why I'm afraid of him.**
It has been a rough few days. I hope you're in for a roller coaster. Please remember, this is update Three for a very very toxic situation.
After I got out, I got a letter, as you know. It sounds like 2 people at least dropped out of the running, leaving the apartment most likely open to me. I filled out my paper work and sent it in yesterday.
Please note that after I spent the night in the hotel, he was taken shortly after for a psych eval. I had three days of peace, my caretaker on the other hand, did not. He called and threatened her, he demanded that the owner of the complex bail him out etc. However...on the fourth day, I got a frantic call from my caretaker.
"He's going to be here any moment, I just got a call warning me." Sure enough. Five minutes later, I got a text from her.
'Call 911'
Instantly, I called, and the police were there shortly. However while we waited I called her. He had pinned her in the office and was screaming in her face, she only had her phone on her but couldn't call due to likely aggravating him more. So she texted me before calling the land lord like he was demanding. When he finally let her out, I had just called and checked on her. She was trembling, and her voice was shaking. She was running to her car, told me to lock my doors, they were. The police, couldn't take him in, since he hadn't touched us.
I stayed a night at my family's and then returned to my complex.
They got a court order to re-grab him for the psych eval. But....6 hours later, he was out again. And was released in the middle of the night. I thought I was hallucinating when I heard his voice last night....only for the male caretaker to tell me. "Hey, I just got a call, apparently he was released."
Instantly I called my care taker. "I will get ppo forms, and print them off, I'll have male caretaker take me to the courts."
When I did this, I returned and waited for her to come back, I had told her. I want her to quit. She helps me a ton and I have autistic and more. But...I care more about her safety. I called my sweet neighbor who is in the apartment next to me. I told her to stay at her family's. She was panicked but she agreed.
My elderly neighbor is visiting family. The neighbor that tried to get my cats taken away was evicted. And the other male neighbor never comes out of his room except for meds. And has two exits. He can get out safely. However...This leaves me and my one cat.
Yes, one cat. If you've been reading, I had forgotten to update. I had to put down my big girl on the 14th of last month. It was so painful, I've never put down a pet before and I hated myself, but cancer was killing her it turned out. So yah, ALOT has been going on.
On a good side, I am waiting to hear back to see if I get the apartment. Wish me luck. I will likely know next week! As their paperwork is being delivered Saturday.
&nbsp;
[Update 4](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/vozxxi/update_my_entitled_neighbor_and_why_im_afraid_of/) *posted on July 1, 2022*
**(Update) My entitled neighbor and why I'm afraid of him**
Hopefully the final update.
Well, he did do some creepy things since the last update, invading my personal space, and of course creeping on me and my sweet neighbor as I was trying to give her a pair of shoes and staring at us through his door. He was closing the hallway door so he could hear if someone had to open it.
I had gone to a restaurant one day as well, my caretaker was coming shortly after. I saw him, harassing's the wait staff that had gotten him fired because apparently he had been sexually harassing all the women, and then threatening when he was told to stop. They told me they didn't want him there but he's been doing a show of force to try and scare people. The waitress was sweet and was ready to call 911 if he got anywhere near me or my caretaker. However, he didn't.
**NOW, for the juicy part, you've been looking for!**
He's arrested. Not just sent to the mental hospitals. Yesterday after he went to the ER and went to a city to go threaten the people from Jamaica that come here to work. The police had enough, they nabbed him. Hopefully for good.
I walked downstairs to see three police hiding slightly as they were waiting for my caretakers, please note, that the land lord has sent his son's here to protect my caretaker. They have been here a few days and hopefully they won't be needed again. Shortly after I hid in my neighbors place with one other friendly neighbor (the sweet one from upstairs) and we watched the police drive off, after one police car disappeared.
I got texted, I thought he was just dragged to the mental hospital. No, they booked him and are charging him. Assault, battery and more. And I hate to say this, but he will likely hurt someone in jail. If I am lucky he will be refused bail, and he won't get out for a while.
Yes, I am still moving. The landlord has proved he wasn't able to handle this situation. Hopefully, my saga is finished. I will update if it's not but for now....I can sleep in peace.
&nbsp;
[Update 5](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/wori1o/final_update_my_entitled_neighbor_and_why_im/) *posted on August 15, 2022*
**(Final Update) my entitled neighbor and why I'm afraid of him**
So, good news.
He's in jail. He was let out on bond but broke it. He is in jail till his sentencing. He did alot of stuff between now and then that I meant to write down but honestly so much has cropped up into my life that I just wanted to give a quick final update.
My new apartment is locked down, I'm accepted, and will move as soon as its fixed up.
I mean, what more could I want? So I'm packing boxes, spending time with my cat and getting on with life!
&nbsp;
[Update 6](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/yzzk0o/my_entitled_neighbor_and_why_im_afraid_of_him/) *posted on November 20, 2022*
**My entitled neighbor and why I'm afraid of him (Final Update - Conclusion)**
So it's been a while. This is the for sure, final update.
He got arrested as you all know, during this I constantly looked to the scanner page for our area. We'd see posts of inmate starting fights, resisting going in his cell, getting out of his cell, having issues in the restraint chair.
My caretaker visited me the other day and let me know what happened finally. The verdict.
NOT GUILTY - Due to insanity. However this doesn't mean he got off scot free. As soon as a bed is open, in he goes to a mental intuition. And hopefully he either gets well, or stays there till I grow old.
I did end up moving. It's a great place here, and me and willow are happy. I've finally started to socialize and have fun, and have been playing alot of my games. Everyone says I sound much better and more relaxed.
Thank you to all who have stayed in for this story. I appreciate you all!
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the OP** | 4,317 | 2022-11-27T12:11:46 | OOP - My Entitled Neighbor and why I'm afraid of him | CONCLUDED | Shelly_895 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z5zqml/oop_my_entitled_neighbor_and_why_im_afraid_of_him/ | false | false | [
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z63gi7 | [deleted] | 0 | 2022-11-27T15:08:12 | AITA for calling my wife unreasonable for backing out of spending Christmas with my family after my mother rejected her cookie sample"? | ONGOING | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z63gi7/aita_for_calling_my_wife_unreasonable_for_backing/ | false | false | [
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z641hg | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-27T15:31:52 | OP is moving to his grandpa's home due to his parents | CONCLUDED | Ambitious_Forever977 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z641hg/op_is_moving_to_his_grandpas_home_due_to_his/ | false | false | [
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z64gs5 | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/far-experience2070 in r/amitheasshole**
trigger warning: >!sexual harassment!<
---
&nbsp;
[**AITA for telling another gym member to wear a bra?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p7iuom/aita_for_telling_another_gym_member_to_wear_a_bra/) - 19 August 2021
I (25f) fucking hate wearing bras. They're uncomfortable, constricting, and expensive. With work from home, I spent the last year and a half basically never wearing a bra and got used to it. Quite frankly, my boobs are nonexistent anyways.
I recently started going to the gym again and started working out braless. I should note that up until now, no one has ever pointed out anything wrong with me not wearing a bra. However, in the middle of a set of squats (yes, MID SQUAT), a guy comes up to me, taps me on the shoulder to get my attention, and tells me that my nipples are poking through my shirt. I get really irritated because why tf is this guy staring at my nipples in the first place and then stopping me mid-set to inform me?
I get really annoyed, try to finish my set, but then this fucker literally grabs the bar, as I ascend and re-racks it for me. He claimed it looked like I was having trouble with the last rep, and that he had come over to make sure I could do it, then noticed my nipples. I'm really fucking pissed off at this point and told him I didn't need his help finishing my set and why the fuck was he looking at my chest in the first place?? He said he was going to spot me, but then noticed my chest and thought it'd be inappropriate.
I pointed out that the safety bar was set, so even if I did fail the set, he wasn't needed. But he just insisted people at gyms look out for each other, and that going forward, I should probably wear a bra so other people wouldn't get uncomfortable and that it may help me stay more balanced in my squats. I'm literally the only girl at the weights section of the gym at the moment, and other guys who were squatting and failed sets never have to worry about this shit. I've seen guys fail multiple sets in a row and no one ever rushes to their aid, but I have a very slight pause, and everyone thinks I need rescuing. So I'm now really annoyed and also kind of uncomfortable that this guy I've never spoken to in my life thinks he's helping me and then has the audacity to tell me how to dress.
So I tell him "You have bigger boobs and nipples than I do. Maybe YOU should wear a bra so people won't get uncomfortable and you won't fail your squats." He then got really defensive, saying he was just trying to help, then called me a bitch. Honestly I'm not sure if I overreacted, but I'm still kind of pissed off so maybe that's clouding my judgment. AITA?
Verdict: NTA
Edit to add: I'm not sure if people think I'm walking around and it's extremely obvious my nipples are showing. I actually really hate constricting clothes. My t-shirt size is x-small but I wear size large to the gym (and pretty much everywhere lately), and you can't tell my stomach from my chest. My nipples might've been showing a little more while squatting because I was wearing a lifting belt
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE: AITA for telling another gym member to wear a bra?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pg5bdq/update_aita_for_telling_another_gym_member_to/) - 2 September 2021
Thanks so much for all the feedback on my OP. A couple people said it was just a validation post, but tbh after you go off on someone like that publicly, getting a lot of attention, you kind of do feel like an asshole, even when you feel it's justified, so yeah.
I finally did start wearing bras again, and not at all because of this incident, but because I'd been dealing with depression that made me not really try to get dressed in general (not just at the gym), and "dressing for success" has been a small way to try to get myself back into a better place mentally.
Anyways, the guy goes to the gym roughly the same time I do most days, so unfortunately, I did have to see him again. Even though I really wanted to grab his bar out of fake concern while he was squatting, I mostly ignored him. Until two days ago.
I was deadlifting, and recording myself to check my form. The guy comes over and says something like "You know sumo is cheating right?" I get this comment a lot, mostly from men half joking, and it's annoying, but I just completely ignore him. He repeats it a little louder, and I continue to ignore him. I guess he sees that I was recording myself because then he asks if I have an Instagram (I don't post my lifts on Insta) and if he could follow me. I keep ignoring him.
Finally, he says something like "see your form is so much better now that you're wearing a bra." And I fucking lost it again. I screamed at him that he's a disgusting, harassing piece of shit (honestly I don't remember exactly what I said but it was, admittedly, very vulgar and got a lot of attention). A worker came over and asked if something was wrong, and I said that the guy was sexually harassing me for two weeks and asked to speak to a manager.
The guy denied it and said he was just trying to help, and that I was being sensitive. But either way, the manager asked what was going on and got both our stories. Because I had been recording my lifts, I actually had a video of him where he commented on my bra, so the manager gave him a 30 day ban and told me that if he ever bothered me again to let her know, and she would permanently ban him.
So I feel kind of vindicated, but I also feel a little frustrated that just one man actually saw consequences for this kind of behavior towards women in the gym. It's nice to see someone have repercussions for their actions, but it's also exhausting dealing with this kind of thing constantly at the gym, even if it isn't quite as overt. But I guess I'll have to keep calm and lift on.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 27,606 | 2022-11-27T15:48:43 | AITA for telling another gym member to wear a bra? | REPOST | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z64gs5/aita_for_telling_another_gym_member_to_wear_a_bra/ | false | false | [
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z64yd3 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-27T16:07:53 | OOP Drunk Texts Crush.... Happy Update Years Later | CONCLUDED | elizacandle | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z64yd3/oop_drunk_texts_crush_happy_update_years_later/ | false | false | [
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z650jw | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-27T16:10:21 | AITA for throwing out my gf's dolls? | ONGOING | thanksyalll | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z650jw/aita_for_throwing_out_my_gfs_dolls/ | false | false | [
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z664gl | **I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/The_PhD_Is_Terrible **in** r/offmychest
**I defended my PhD yesterday and not one of my family/friends showed up. Not even my fiancé. I know I'm a horrible person for it, but I never want to see any of them again.**
&nbsp;
Trigger warning - >!mention of suicide!<
&nbsp;
[**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/3mhpdo/i_defended_my_phd_yesterday_and_not_one_of_my/) \- 26th September 2015
I'll try to keep it brief.
Yesterday I defended my PhD in a STEM field at a highly prestigious program. Unlike many departments, my department's defenses are basically celebrations. You present for 1 hr to anyone who wants to come, your PhD committee asks you a few questions, and then you drink champagne and celebrate.
I created a FB event for it 3 weeks in advance. My immediate family and very closest of friends all said they could come. These included my best man as well as two people who were to give toasts at the wedding. My fiancé was going to take work off to come as well.
Then yesterday came. I knew two of my co-workers couldn't make it because they were out of the country, but I wasn't prepared for what happened.
I presented to a nearly completely empty auditorium. Only my advisor, two committee members, and a few members of nearby labs showed. It was so incredibly embarrassing that I almost couldn't make it through my defense.
After my defense, I looked at my phone. I only had one message from my mom, saying my family wasn't going to make it on time because they left too late. I called my fiancé twice with no answer. It wasn't until 10pm last night that she called me back. It turned out that her best friend from college (who've I known to be quite selfish from previous situations) had tried to kill herself because she found out that her boyfriend had cheated on her. She knew my defense was yesterday but begged my fiancé to visit her all day in the hospital.
My fiancé didn't even say congrats.
No one else has called or texted to congratulate me since I defended yesterday.
I barely held it together on my call with my fiancé but I'm now so upset that I'm considering calling off the wedding, taking a job, and never contacting any of these people again.
I know I'm a horrible person for this, but my big day was completely fucking ruined by their inconsiderate actions.
**EDIT:** Thank you all so much! This means a lot. In reading your responses and generally calming down, I think I'll call my fiancée and family
**EDIT #2:** I did not expect this to blow up as much as it did. Seriously, thank you all for your wonderful support. I'm taking today and maybe even tomorrow to just rest on this before I talk to my family and friends. You guys are giving great advice!
**EDIT #3:** (\~4:30 p PST): I'm heading out to dinner now but I've decided I'm going to call tomorrow. I'll try to update you if anything gets resolved (or if it doesn't!)
**EDIT #4:** (5:46 a PST): Holy crap... This got a lot of replies. I'll update later today but I wanted to address a few responses suggesting that either a). this situation is reflective of me not going to their special events or b). that my family/friends aren't obligated to show.
a). Yes I have gone to and planned special functions for others. One of the friends who told me they would show up defended her PhD a few weeks ago (but from another group). I of course showed up to her defense. I also helped plan the happy hour afterwards. I also helped plan another invited friend's surprise birthday last year, which was huge because she turned 30. So while, I understand why people might think that I'm expecting something while giving nothing to others, I just don't believe that it is the case here.
b). Of course my family/friends aren't obligated to show. Had they said they couldn't come (due to work, etc.), I wouldn't be upset. Had they ignored me, I probably would have just interpreted that as a "can't come" and still would be ok. But my closest friends made it a point that they would be there, and then didn't show. That's what got me upset.
**MAJOR UPDATE (\~10:30a PST):** This morning my fiancée called me after I was more or less incommunicado all of yesterday. Because I had calmed down, we were able to have a rational discussion. It turns out there is ALOT to the story that I was unaware of (because I'm a doofus) ;).
First things first. My fiancée and I are just fine!!
She began the conversation with an apology. She explained that while she was in shock on Friday about her friend, she realized immediately after our call that she had completely ignored me and my defense all day. She knows me well, and knew how upset and angry I was. She thought i had every right to be angry but gave me a day to chill out.
My fiancée is now extremely pissed at her friend. Previously I had implied that her friend was extremely selfish not only due to previous actions but also because she called my fiancée and begged her to visit all day, even though she knew my defense was that day. Many criticized my feelings about this and, as of early this morning, I thought that I was wrong to feel the way I did. I should have been a bit more sympathetic. But then my fiancée told me what happened yesterday. For about 2 hrs yesterday, my fiancée visited her friend in the hospital again. Her friend was feeling a bit better, so my fiancé began to ask about the cheating boyfriend in a bit more detail.
It turns out that her friend did not find out about her boyfriend cheating on Friday. She actually found out the Saturday before. And she had actually suspected that her bf was cheating MONTHS ago. That Saturday, he finally admitted it to her, after she saw him receive a snapchat of a naked girl, yet she did nothing about it because she didn't want to lose him. In other words, she lied to my fiancée about when she found out he was cheating. What pissed my fiancée off the most was that during this past week, my fiancée and her friend talked twice over the phone. Neither time the friend even mentioned it. While I understand that she may have been bottling up her feelings, or may have been embarrassed, her previous actions an things like engagement parties and dinner parties casts some doubt on this.
Regardless of my feelings, my fiancée is incredibly angry with her because she had all week to talk about this, to have her help her deal with this trauma. But she didn't. She waited until the exact most inconvenient time. In my fiancées words, "Trust me. This wasn't spontaneous. She chose to have that reaction on that day."
We are unsure as to what to do about my fiancées friend and the wedding. She is currently a bridesmaid, but maybe not anymore.
About my family: yesterday morning, my fiancée called my immediate family and asked what happened. Sorry but the answer is boring. It was just another case of my parents being incapable of getting anywhere on time. My fiancée advised them not to call me yesterday because I was very upset. My family all texted me this morning ad apologized profusely. They would have called me Friday night after my defense but they honestly weren't sure if I wanted to talk to them.
About my friends: also yesterday my fiancée called the closest of my friends that were invited. These friends, I know for sure, wouldn't lie to my fiancée. Half of them forgot and were deeply mortified that they missed it. I'm told that they will call me later today. It turns out that my best man blacked out Thursday night after originally only going out to grab a beer. And the rest were a combination of "something came up" or "I was sick." Although in one case the person was very clearly ill and anyone could tell from talking to him over the phone.
So that is basically it. My fiancée really pulled through in calling everyone. She didn't have to do that and I'm very lucky to have her. Before I start my job, we will have a real party that is sure to be fun.
Thank you all for your support, kind words, and even critical words. You guys rock!
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 12,207 | 2022-11-27T16:53:54 | I defended my PhD yesterday and not one of my family/friends showed up. Not even my fiancé. | CONCLUDED | raredontstare | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z664gl/i_defended_my_phd_yesterday_and_not_one_of_my/ | false | false | [
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z671qp | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-27T17:28:59 | OP is moving to his grandpa's house due to his parents. | CONCLUDED | DescriptionPopular59 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z671qp/op_is_moving_to_his_grandpas_house_due_to_his/ | false | false | [
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z67ai9 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-27T17:38:26 | Op and his parents | ONGOING | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z67ai9/op_and_his_parents/ | false | false | [
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z6960f | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwra_lost1 in r/relationship_advice**
---
&nbsp;
[**I (17m) just found out that my sister (35) is actually my mother.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hml5aw/i_17m_just_found_out_that_my_sister_35_is/) - 7 July 2020
Sorry if this is super long...
My sister wasn't around much when I was growing up because she was in college then medical school. She'd visit on holidays and the weekends if she wasn't busy. Whenever she'd visit she would spend a lot of time with me and she'd take me places, buy me things and give me advice when I needed it. I always felt like I could tell her anything and she wouldn't judge me for it. She never really got along with our parents and I never knew what it was about but they would argue often and there was always a lot of tension around them. My parents were very loving and we get along so no issues there.
When she started dating her now husband she spent less time with me and she would come over less often. 5 years ago she got married to the guy. I don't like him at all. He's like an overgrown frat guy and he's always teasing me or saying dumb shit, he can never read the room. I've spoken to my sister about it but she says that it's just his way of bonding with people and that he means well and is a nice guy. He's been a pain in the ass for 5 years and just when I was going to give him a chance he fucked it up.
My sister and her husband came over for dinner two nights ago and were going to sleep over because they live 2 hours away. He took that as an opportunity to drink as much as he wanted. He's already insufferable when sober so drunk him is even worse. My sister and I were catching up because it's been a while and I was telling her how I would like to go into the medical field like her. Jackass husband then comes in saying that it's great that I want to follow in my mom's footsteps.
My mom has never worked in the medical field so I was confused and thought he was just being dumb but my sister's face went so pale and my parents were very quiet. I just looked at my sister and could tell that it wasn't just a dumb comment. I locked myself in my room and didn't come out until the next day. There was a lot of yelling and I just learned something huge so I didn' want to deal with it.
When I finally decided to leave the room I saw that my sister was sitting right outside the door and that jerk was gone. I asked her wtf was going on and told her not to lie to me or I'll never speak to her again. She told me that she got pregnant in her senior year of high school and the guy cut all contact with her. She wanted to keep me and our parents were fully supportive of her.
She found out that she got into her dream school but she would have to either give up the school or give me up. She couldn't choose so she decided to keep both. She spoke to our parents about it and the plan was to have them take care of me while she's in school and when can she will take me back. I was supposed to grow up knowing that she is my mom but because she was so busy and stressed out she didn't think that she could handle motherhood.
Our parents noticed that she was pulling away so they adopted me and raised me as theirs. She said that she was young and dumb at the time so she agreed with the adoption. She said that she thought of dropping out and taking me back so many times but thought I was better off without her as a mom.
As the years went by she saw less reason to tell me since I was doing good and was being well taken care of. She started crying and telling me that she regrets her decision and wants to be my mom even though I'm almost an adult she wants us to start over as mother and son. I told her I'd think about it and then she left. I went to speak to my parents. They told me that they did everything for me because they love me and I'm not obligated to leave now that I know. They said that things don't have to change if I don't want them to. It seemed more like they didn't want things to change.
I feel like my whole life is a lie. I know that I was well taken care of and I don't want to seem ungrateful but I was lied to my whole life. I don't see myself calling my sister "mom" and living life as if everything is ok. My parents are the ones who raised me so how could I just leave them like that.
On the other hand if I don't decide to go with my sister she might feel like I'm rejecting her or that I hate her and after 17 years she might really give up on me. I'm so torn and feel betrayed. I can't believe that I found out from that asshole. That makes me even more mad. I feel like I have to pick a side I don't know how to do that. I kinda just wanna run away and forget about all of this. Everyone is kinda leaving it up to me and I don't even know what I want for breakfast on a good day.
How do I approach this without everyone getting hurt?
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE: I (17m) just found out that my sister (35) is actually my mother.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hoi00p/update_i_17m_just_found_out_that_my_sister_35_is/) - 10 July 2020
Sister = bio mom parents= grandparents
I first want to say thank you guys so much. I didn't think that I would get this much feedback.I started a family group chat and suggested that we should look into family therapy. Everyone is on board and is willing to do whatever it takes to make this situation work. I'm very lucky and I can see my privilege, many kids don't get what I got (a loving family) so maybe I was making this a bigger deal than it was.
My sister said that she is going to make more of an effort to be in my life. I think therapy might be good for us. As for douche husband, my sister really wants us to get along but I don't see that happening. Maybe he should come to therapy a few times but only if he's serious about it. She is very mad at him but she wants to work things out with him.
Also, it was really interesting reading stories from people who have experienced something similar or know someone who did. It's crazy how often and common these things are. I guess until you experience something for yourself it can seem unbelievable. It was inspiring to read and some of them were heartbreaking and made me realize that I shouldn't let my anger make the decisions because life is short.
My parents aren't getting any younger. I wouldn't want my last moments with them being something so negative. They still have to earn my trust but I don't see why we can't be on at least ok terms while they do. They've been extremely apologetic since but actions speak louder than words so we'll see.
Another issue that rose is the fact that I don't know where the other half of me came from. My biological father basically disappeared from my sister's life. I don't know if I should even bring it up because no one else has yet. That will be another topic of discussion for therapy I guess.
Thank you so much to those of you who were genuinely trying to be helpful and kind. I got a lot of support. Again thank you.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 5,523 | 2022-11-27T18:51:43 | I (17m) just found out that my sister (35) is actually my mother. | INCONCLUSIVE | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z6960f/i_17m_just_found_out_that_my_sister_35_is/ | false | false | [
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z6blv5 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-27T20:26:48 | OPs sil is trash but she doesnt want to be the bad guy at her own wedding | ONGOING | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z6blv5/ops_sil_is_trash_but_she_doesnt_want_to_be_the/ | false | false | [
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z6bnpn | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-27T20:28:50 | "I dont want my niece to perform at my wedding but I dont want to be the bad guy" | ONGOING | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z6bnpn/i_dont_want_my_niece_to_perform_at_my_wedding_but/ | false | false | [
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z6cv6o | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-27T21:16:32 | My sister is turning into the biggest bridezilla. And I can’t stop laughing. | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z6cv6o/my_sister_is_turning_into_the_biggest_bridezilla/ | false | false | [
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z6cvm9 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-27T21:17:04 | My sister is turning into the biggest bridezilla. And I can’t stop laughing. | NEW UPDATE | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z6cvm9/my_sister_is_turning_into_the_biggest_bridezilla/ | false | false | [
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z6d01u | [deleted] | 19 | 2022-11-27T21:21:52 | My sister is turning into the biggest bridezilla. And I can’t stop laughing. | NEW UPDATE | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z6d01u/my_sister_is_turning_into_the_biggest_bridezilla/ | false | false | [
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z6d68w | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-27T21:28:45 | My sister is turning into the biggest bridezilla. And I can’t stop laughing. | NEW UPDATE | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z6d68w/my_sister_is_turning_into_the_biggest_bridezilla/ | false | false | [
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z6d9jz | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-27T21:32:14 | I regret leaving my wife for my GF. I don't know if I have the right to ask her to take me back | CONCLUDED | littlejbean | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z6d9jz/i_regret_leaving_my_wife_for_my_gf_i_dont_know_if/ | false | false | [
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z6elxe | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-27T22:23:28 | AITA For telling my mom that she doesn’t care for roast beef sandwich meat resulting in me getting kicked out? | REPOST | FairyofTails | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z6elxe/aita_for_telling_my_mom_that_she_doesnt_care_for/ | false | false | [
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z6evht | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/ashaliedoll in r/tifu**
---
&nbsp;
[**TIFU by telling a dude we've been watching him for years.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/cba007/tifu_by_telling_a_dude_weve_been_watching_him_for/) - 10 July 2019
Obligatory "this didn't happen today blah blah" and also I'm on mobile. Strap in suckas, come and revel in my awkwardness.
So, for literally YEARS now this dude has been running around about a 3 square mile in my area. The only reason I've ever noticed him was because of his flowing hair that gracefully blows behind him as he runs and the frequency that we saw him out.
When he started, he was a little overweight but dude is so committed that he literally runs in rainstorms wearing trashbags and is very fit now. So my fam and I are watching this guys transformation happen, which is kind of exciting to me because I'm into fitness.
Over the years I would cheer him on (privately) while inside my car. I would be like "Yaasss! You got this my dude!!" in an attempt to make my kids laugh. It became a THING. It was "There's 'My Dude!" Or "Man, I haven't seen 'My Dude' in awhile. I hope he's okay!" Or my sister would say "I saw 'My Dude' today!" Kind of just an inside joke. But again, this is for years and years.
Even after seeing him all the time while driving, I never actually ran into him in person on my walks...that brings me to the TIFU portion of the post.
I decided to go a different route recently, I look up and through the sunlight in the trees I see a glorious golden mane of hair. I think "Holyshitholyshit. Today's the day I meet MY DUDE!"
He's getting closer now, I feel incredibly stupid. Why the fuck did this 'My Dude' thing even start again?? He's closer now. He's much taller than I thought and that throws me off and I let him jog past.
I think "Fuck. I can't just NOT say anything right?" And guys, I really wish I didn't say shit. I really wish I went home and called my sister and fake 'fan-girled' over walking within inches of this mythical man with the hair. But I'm an idiot.
So I turn and yell "Excuse me?"
And he swishes his marvelous hair around, still jogging in place and just looks at me. I say "We've been watching you for years!"
And he's like "huh?" And I say "WeVe BeEn WaTcHiNg YoU." (Like he couldn't hear me or something. Instead of what he really meant which was probably "what the fuck?")
And he's still jogging like "...what?"
I stammer "We've been watching you run I mean...Me and my family. Watching you run for years! You look great! Way to go dude!" And you guys... I gave him a FUCKING THUMBS UP like a weird xanaxed up soccer mom.
He says "Oh, cool. Thanks." And just kinda runs away. At this point I feel kind of... betrayed? Like, he's basically a celebrity in my house and he just says 'cool'?!? How dare he?!?
Then it hit me how fucking awkward and creepy and fucked up what I said and how I said what I said. I tell my husband and he's like "Wish ya weren't so awkward bud." I tell my kids and they are like "Uh...wow mom." I tell my sister and she cries laughing because of how typical this is of me. To be so awkward I mean. Like, I literally told a grandma "don't eat the baby!" the other day at the store while she was nibbling on her grandkids toes playfully. Like, what is my problem??
Anyway, the main reason I'm even typing this besides so you freaks that like to cringe at others idiocy can read it, is that since I appeared to be some weird version of CIA/FBI/Illuminati/soccer mom to my dude, he has been nowhere to be found! I have not seen him running around at all and I feel so bad that I MAY have maybe possibly kinda weirded him out enough for him to change the entire area he has been running for years, which is awful.
So, My dude, if you see this, I am soooooo not "watching you" in any way other than to admire your hair and admire your dedication to fitness. I apologize profusely and if I ever see you again I promise I won't say shit.
(And to that grandma, if you're on Reddit ... seriously you shouldn't eat babies. I'm not apologizing for that shit.)
Tl;Dr
I told a dude that we've been watching him for years, when I really meant we had been watching him run/get fit and he was doing a great job. Haven't seen him on his route since.
&nbsp;
[**TIFU by telling a random dude we've been watching him for years UPDATE!**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/cbontd/tifu_by_telling_a_random_dude_weve_been_watching/) - 11 July 2019
Today I told my mom about my previous post, made her read it, made her almost cease to exist from laughing so hard and then she says "Yeah, but that guy is pretty weird." And I say "Uhh why do you say that?" and APPARENTLY I am from a family of freakishly awkward individuals.
You guys, my dad DID THE SAME SHIT AS ME and he just... forgot to tell me or my sister about it? (Thanks Dad, you're great.)
So he runs into My Dude at the store and he was like "oh hey, I see you running all the time! You're looking great! Keep it up!" My dad was a coach, so he's got the weird proud dad thing going on. My Dude just kind of looks at him...says "th-ankssss." And slowly backs away.
The End.
JUST KIDDING. Then my mom proceeds to tell me she just saw My Dude running. Please read the following in stereotypical mom voice: "Oh my gosh, I saw him running the other day. His shoes look so bad! I almost stopped. I wish I knew his shoe size so I could get him new shoes! Should I stop and ask him?"
Holy.Shit.
(Don't worry, I said don't fucking do that mom Jesus Christ fuckin' figure it out.) So now that I know I wasn't the first person to tell him that I've been watching him I feel REALLY bad. My family ladies and gentlemen.
Tl;Dr
My whole family is awkward AF and told a guy we've been watching him run on separate occasions.
&nbsp;
[**TIFU by telling a dude we've been watching him for years. Another UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/cc5bt3/tifu_by_telling_a_dude_weve_been_watching_him_for/) - 12 July 2019
First, I want to tell you all that I've truly had fun reading all of your stories, having you desperately want to be my friend, hearing 'what yous appreciates about me', having my possible Canadian heritage questioned and most of all, having my phone ping every 10 seconds for 24 hours straight. Great execution, yer doin' terrific.
As for the update, I've been paying more attention than normal to the sidewalk while I'm driving in hopes of seeing that I hadn't completely obliterated My Dude's ability to feel comfortable running on his route. I'm daydreaming about what I will do when I see him. Will I wave? Will I honk? Will I yell "How are ya now?!?" into the wind as I drive gently blowing his hair as I pass?
And holy shit, what if I am walking when I see him next? Will my common sense just leak out if my ears completely and holy shit...will I PULL OUT MY GOD DAMN PHONE, OPEN REDDIT AND GRIN AT HIM? Will I then awkwardly offer to give him half of my internet gold? Will I make a joke about karma? Fucking probably. I hope not, but Fucking.Probably.
So tonight my mom read my post out loud to my dad while I was on the phone with them. In case you were wondering, he also wishes I wasn't so fucking awkward, bud, but it's kind of his fault if you think about it.
Guys, I know what you're thinking and don't worry, she successfully censored my curse words... until about halfway through when she was having trouble breathing through laughter, even then she swore quietly (bless her heart.) Basically, she thinks I'm famous now and that I'm going to be on 'Good Morning America' (but like, on a slow news day, not like a *good* news day. Her words.) She's a total mom.
After she's done, I'm telling them some of your comments about making shirts and all your ideas about how to get My Dude's shoe size so that my mom, (again, bless her heart) can buy him shoes. Anything from using light sprinklings of salt on the pavement to forcing him to run through Plaster of Paris were thrown out there. Y'all are a bunch of snipers.
Suddenly, my dad says "Oh, by the way, I have seen him running recently. He's okay."
And guys, in this moment I'm so relieved that I didn't fuck this dude's entire world up.
I say, "Oh good, where was he when you saw him? Same route?"
"OUTSIDE OF HIS HOUSE."
"...Wait...you fucking know where he lives?!??"
"Yeah, [that one house on that one street that is not in our neighborhood but on a crossroad.] I see him leave to run and I see him get back home sometimes when I'm driving."
(LoOk aT mE, I'm Ashley's dad and this totally isn't a big deal at all. Shut up dad, it totally fucking is!)
"HOLY FUCK." I say.
"You...you just made it worse." My sister says.
My mom is basically dead at this moment.
"Mom, you cannot buy him shoes and drop them at his house!!"
She says: "Yeah, that would be awkward."
So, good news. He's still running. Bad news, we might actually be stalkers now.
UPDATE:
My dad just called to tell me he saw My Dude... He was walking...wearing a HAT. We've never seen him in a hat so my dad thinks it's my fault for posting about his "luscious locks" (his words, not mine) I hope he's wrong. Jesus Christ.
Tl;Dr EDIT there's a dude in town we've seen running for years, we gave him a nickname and everything. Ran into him in person, told him this in the creepiest way possible. Find out my dad did the same a year before. Later found out My dad knew where he lived this whole time. Also, my mom wants to buy him shoes.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 14,407 | 2022-11-27T22:33:37 | TIFU by telling a dude we've been watching him for years. | REPOST | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z6evht/tifu_by_telling_a_dude_weve_been_watching_him_for/ | false | false | [
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z6fgst | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-27T22:57:39 | AITA for introducing my boyfriend's parents as "Grandma and Grandpa" to my son? | ONGOING | bernardmm | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z6fgst/aita_for_introducing_my_boyfriends_parents_as/ | false | false | [
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z6fk6u | Hello All!
You may have noticed (we hope, but probably not) that our auto-note on posts has recently changed. Specifically, it now starts with:
# Do not comment on the original posts
Commenting on the original posts is known as brigading, and brigading is something that Reddit does not allow. The idea is that Reddit does not want users from one sub heading to another sub to manipulate votes or change the mood/response that members of another subreddit had.
For instance, if we were an anti-cake subreddit, and we all posted links to posts from cake subs that we especially didn't like, and our members went over to the cake sub to tell people we hate their lousy, crappy, dry, unoriginal cakes and that pie is far superior, that would be brigading. Likewise, if a lot of members loved pies, and some members occasionally posted links from a pie sub so that our members would head over there to talk about the lovely, amazing, delicious pies, that would still be considered brigading, even though it is positive.
Now that we have the 7 day rule (all updates/final posts must be at least 7 days old in order to be posted here) it is VERY easy to tell when our members are brigading another sub. It's easy for us to tell, and it's easy for Reddit to tell. Even if you don't comment on our BoRU post, but head over to one of the original posts to comment, it is assumed that you saw the post from the sub that just published it and that dozens (or hundreds) of people didn't randomly discover an old post and start commenting on it and that just happened by magically be at the same time that the story went up on BoRU.
Several lovely subs that posters get a fair bit of material from are considering no longer allowing cross-posting because of brigading. Because of this, we are going to be changing our policies on brigading. Previously, if someone commented on one of the original posts, we banned them until they removed their comments, then unbanned them.
Because of the uptick in bans (and quite a few people being repeatedly banned then unbanned), we will no longer be removing bans for brigaging.
# If you go on the original post and comment, you will be banned from BoRU.
Please help us follow Reddit's rules and refrain from commenting on the original posts.
Also, this shouldn't need to be said, but it probably does:
# If you send the OOP a DM based off of a BoRU post, and they let us know, you will be banned from BoRU and reported to Reddit, which may result in your account being permanently suspended.
Thank you for your cooperating with this, and helping us to make sure we follow Reddit's policies.
Editing to add u/amireallyreal's excellent further explanation of why this is important. Bolded emphasis is mine:
*One issue when 80 people comment on a post that is 7 days old or more, is that it does look a lot like a coordinated effort, especially if the majority of those comments are rude, critical, aggressive, or demanding. There doesn't really need to be one unifying post/comment on our sub saying "yeah, let's target THIS post" for it to set off all the red flags that indicate brigading.*
*Moreover, the mods of other subs don't like it. They don't like having to go to a post that's 7+ days old to lock threads, remove abusive comments, and ban people. It adds a lot of extra work to their plate on top of the regular work they have to do on current posts to maintain their subs.* ***We want to respect the mods of the subs we pull content from. Without their work, there would be no BoRu.*** | 3,272 | 2022-11-27T23:01:04 | Meta - Brigading - Please Read to Avoid Being Banned | META | Celany | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z6fk6u/meta_brigading_please_read_to_avoid_being_banned/ | false | false | [
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z6gdkj | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-27T23:34:13 | AITA for telling my roommate to give her cat to her boyfriend? | CONCLUDED | ko-ok-ko | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z6gdkj/aita_for_telling_my_roommate_to_give_her_cat_to/ | false | false | [
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z6i65g | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-28T00:52:18 | OP refuses to let SIL bully, and husband enable bullying, of their daughter | ONGOING | snarfblattinconcert | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z6i65g/op_refuses_to_let_sil_bully_and_husband_enable/ | false | false | [
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z6k4sv | **I am not the OP. This is a repost sub.**
TW: >!Eating disorder (including disordered eating behaviors described)!<
[**WIBTA for bringing a few of my own dishes to my fiance's family's Christmas gathering?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yyvdqr/wibta_for_bringing_a_few_of_my_own_dishes_to_my/) posted in r/AmItheAsshole by [u/witchyfreunde](https://www.reddit.com/user/witchyfreunde/) on November 18, 2022
This year, my fiance (26M) and I (27 human) got engaged, and I agreed to join him and his extended family for Christmas.
Only problem is the food. I used to have a very serious eating disorder, and was hospitalized (Anorexia w binge/purge). I've gotten over the worst, w/a few small slipups, and I still struggle with food, and count calories, BUT have not purged in 6 months (a big record for me!)
Going low-carb a few years ago REALLY helped me start to eat more normally, and not get triggered. I love food and cooking, and this diet, along with being more health conscious has allowed me to enjoy food/eating again, even if I still struggle, and I'm grateful for it.
I avoid too much sugar, & processed food & High Fructose Corn Syrup. I read food labels and try to avoid ANYTHING with unnecessary added sugar that isn't a dessert. I don't eat fast food, and don't eat bread, rice, or pasta, though since dating my fiance, I've loosened up a little, and occasionally will eat healthier carbs, (buckwheat, chickpeas, lentils). I do enjoy some treats and sweets, but it's important that they're made of good, real ingredients, and not processed, or generic storebought prepackaged treats. (I love baking, and am more comfortable eating my own homemade treats, because I know what's in them & the flavor is way better than storebought)
My fiance's family is more Standard American Diet, and Im worried there wont be much I can eat. His family eats pasta on XMas Eve, and most of the sides they have Xmas day are carby, or have sugar or processed ingredients, & storebought pie for dessert.
I don't want to be difficult, I never ask anyone to make anything special for me, but I'm NOT willing to give up my diet, even for one day. I don't want to be triggered. I also don't feel good if I eat too many carbs or processed food. (Get bloated, heavy, and gassy), and get really anxious & can't enjoy myself because I feel guilty, even if I resist purging. I also am very conscious of my health. My eating disorder damaged my health, and trying to be as healthy as possible going forward is very important to me.
I'm sure there will at least be a salad or some side dish there I can eat, & the main is meat, which is fine, but most sides, snacks, and desserts (storebought/processed) are things I wouldnt eat, and I want to enjoy my holiday meal, (and be able to have a dessert I'd like)
WIBTA if I brought a side dish and a homemade dessert that I know I could feel okay eating and enjoy? I would make enough for everyone, and bring them as a contribution to the meal.
I don't want to seem weird or rude, or offend his family, but I worry it would be rude to show up and not be willing to eat most of the food, and I don't want them to think they have to make anything special for me, or feel bad if there's nothing I can eat. I don't know if theyd think it rude if I brought some food, but it would be extra dishes for everyone, and would allow me to enjoy a special holiday meal and treat as well.
Thoughts?
EDIT: MORE INFO
My SO is very understanding and supportive of my diet, and usually loves the low carb meals I cook, (low carb definitely doesn't mean not tasty or flavorful!) and is willing to order less/no carbs if we're eating out and splitting something. I do most of the cooking, because I enjoy it, (he cooks sometimes, but isn't a super confident or experienced cook, so oftentimes he'll ask me for a recipe, or he'll be willing to cook as long as I can instruct him how) so he basically follows my diet unless we're eating out or going to an event or something. I'm fine with him eating what he wants if he's cooking for himself or we're going out, just I'm not really willing to cook food that might be triggering for me, and I'm a pretty good cook and love finding new recipes and coming up with my own, so he rarely has any complaints, beyond jokes about missing pasta every now and then.
He's told me that his family is pretty attached to their traditions, and there's some 'traditional' family recipes that they always make. I get the impression that they may be sensitive or think I'm rude because of some of the stories he's told me (for example... His grandpa has a 'traditional' green bean casserole recipe that he always makes and is extremely proud of. There's another family member who makes a green bean casserole as well, that's BETTER than grandpa's, but people will go out of their way to make sure that both get eaten, in order to avoid offending grandpa, who's so attached to his recipe.)
*Relevant comment from OOP:*
I haven't explicitly asked him yet (I should...trying to figure out how to bring it up or ask the hosts). He's very understanding of my issues for the most part, but he's told me how attached his family is to their traditions, and that there may be a few people who might be a little put off if I won't at least try the food when we've discussed holidays in the past.When discussing holidays in the past, he's suggested that I could just take a little, or just try some, and maybe I'm in the wrong here, but I'd really prefer not to do that. I would feel bad taking some food, only to waste it and just throw it away later.
Eating-Disorder wise, sometimes it's easier for me to just NOT eat something than to eat a tiny bit. In the past, when I was REALLY sick, I had tried just having a bite of certain things, or eating a small portion, but often that ended up with me feeling out of control, or eating more than I wanted to and being unable to keep track of the calories, which would lead to me purging afterwards.
I personally don't think it's rude to politely decline food that is offered to you, and I've gotten really good at standing up to food pushers and just saying no, even when people clearly thought I was being weird, but from the sounds of it, his family may be sensitive about that, and there's definitely some items that I wouldn't feel comfortable even trying a bite of or having on my plate for a while.
(Verdict: NTA)
\-
[**AITA for uninviting my girlfriend to Christmas because she wanted to bring her own food?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z0jqtb/comment/ix5x3f5/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) posted in r/AmItheAsshole by [u/WrongdoerDelicious81](https://www.reddit.com/user/WrongdoerDelicious81/) on November 20, 2022
(throwaway acct, my GF is on here)
I (27M) invited my gf (27F) of 3 years to my family Christmas. We've never spent holidays together, she likes to visit her family out of state, and I really wanted her to finally spend a holiday with us.
My GF is keto and in recovery from a serious eating disorder (she starved herself and would make herself throw up) and does most of the cooking and I'm ok with that because she's a great cook and always makes tasty dishes and Im happy to make food she'll eat when I cook. Keto helps her stay on track with her recovery and I understand that, but don't see why she can't have the occasional cheat day. She tries to be "healthy" and tries to avoid preservatives and sugar but sometimes has a dessert with me, but will only eat stuff she's cooked herself because she has to know what the ingredients are.
However my family is very traditional and she definitely isn't. My dad, sister and I (mom is dead) have a tradition of eating lasagna on Christmas Eve and on Christmas day, my family is very traditional with the side dishes and desserts, but like to switch it up and do something interesting every year for the main. This year it's going to be pizza.
We love our traditions (ex. Grandma always brings the same sweet potato casserole with marshmallows) and usually use traditional recipes, and buy pies from the store for dessert.
I have told my GF a lot about our traditions, and she asked if she could bring a few dishes and a dessert, since she can't eat most of the food, but I think she's just being picky (like she says she couldn't eat a green bean casserole from a traditional recipe because it has canned soup in it and she doesn't want to eat anything with too many preservatives).
I said no, she shouldn't bring dishes because my family really likes our meal as is and I feel like it would be rude to bring your own food to someone else's event. She doesn't like store bought pies because they don't taste as good as homemade says they aren't worth the calories which seems nitpicky. I said she should just let go a little and enjoy one special meal that's not part of her diet it's not that big a deal.
Then she asked if instead she could just bring her own separate meal and I said no because that seems even more rude.
I told her she should come and eat what she could, and just take some of the dishes she won't eat to not offend my family, but she said she couldn't do that because it might be "triggering" for her to even have that food on her plate.
At that point I just straight up uninvited her, because everything she suggested seemed rude, and like she was being difficult, and this would be the first time she's meeting my extended family and it would make a bad impression.
She got upset and really hurt, and I think she's just overreacting, but her BFF, "Joe" who is also a friend of mine, said I was being harsh and didn't understand how much she might be struggling from her ED.
AITA for uninviting her and telling her she would offend my family and make a bad impression?
(No, I did not ask my family about her bringing food, they usually don't ask anyone to bring extra stuff for the meal so I assumed they wouldn't like it if she did)
*Relevant comment from OOP #2:*
I let her cook what she wants most of the time, and don't complain even though I'd prefer it if she made rice or pasta every now and then.
I know she's dealing with some issues but she's been doing really well this year and I figured maybe just once she'd be willing to change it up a little for the sake of meeting my family...
(Verdict: trending very heavily YTA before being locked)
\-
*Comment on* u/witchyfeunde *'s post:*
>*Commenter: I think your boyfriend posted his side of the story (I don’t know if it’s him because in his post he says he hasn’t proposed yet and calls you his girlfriend).*
>
>*Edit:* [*https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z0jqtb/aita\_for\_uninviting\_my\_girlfriend\_to\_christmas/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf*](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z0jqtb/aita_for_uninviting_my_girlfriend_to_christmas/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
**Reply** from u/witchyfeunde
Holy S\*\*\*... Thanks for sharing that! My SO DID uninvite me the other day. I didn't post an update because I was pretty upset and busy trying to rethink my holiday plans. I spent the night at a friend's house after that happened since I was really and we haven't spoken since, but he's texted and called a few times...
Enough of that post overlaps so I'm definitely going to have to ask him about it... (I changed some of the details in mine for anonymity's sake) I just have no idea how to deal with the situation, and now I'm worried I won't have anywhere to go on Christmas because plane tickets to my hometown have started getting more expensive...
\-
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yyvdqr/wibta_for_bringing_a_few_of_my_own_dishes_to_my/ix660hl/?context=3) from [u/witchyfreunde](https://www.reddit.com/user/witchyfreunde/) on November 20, 2022
UPDATE: I tried to discuss things with him, and brought up the idea of me bringing a few dishes to share.
He said no and that they like their meal the way it is and wouldn't want to change it, and we had an argument and he ended up saying that I just shouldn't come, and that we could just meet the families some other time.
I'm not really sure how to deal with things and it really throws a wrench in my holiday plans, since tickets for me to go back to my hometown have gotten a lot more expensive.
I'm wondering if it might be rude to reach out to his mom (I have a pretty good relationship with his mom) and ask her if it might be okay for me to bring some stuff? (She also knows about my ED). But at the same time, I wonder if that would be overstepping a boundary since he DID uninvite me...
Also THANK YOU to everyone who shared this post with me:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z0jqtb/aita\_for\_uninviting\_my\_girlfriend\_to\_christmas/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z0jqtb/aita_for_uninviting_my_girlfriend_to_christmas/)
I changed a few details in mine for anonymity and the situation overlaps enough to make me question it and want to ask him about it. I don't want to ruin our relationship, but I wonder if trying to educate him more about eating disorders, or telling him more details about how sick I was (I've told him some but not all) might help? Or if that might just make the situation worse.
\-
**Various comments** from [u/WrongdoerDelicious81](https://www.reddit.com/user/WrongdoerDelicious81/) on his post (There are a lot more than just these but I'm trying to just include the most relevant, because there's too many and several are repetitive.)
OP here... Ok I guess I should have asked the family first, I'm just shy and kind of anxious about asking for stuff, my uncle always hosts Christmas and Thanksgiving and can be a little intimidating. He is always the one who chooses what the main is going to be even if other people have different suggestions. A few years ago he REALLY wanted it to be Phad Thai even though my dad has a peanut allergy. My dad ended up not being able to eat the main but they're was enough sides so he got plenty of food.
I have also seen my grandma get kinda passive aggressive with my cousin when he didn't take any of her casserole. She didnt yell or tell him off directly but she kept offering it to him and even put some on his plate anyway when he said no a second time (he doesnt really like it but usually just took some for her sake but decided not to that time), and insisted he have just a little bit since it was an old family recipe and made a comment at one point in the vein of "your too full for my casserole but your eating all that pie?"
I suppose I should have asked but was just intimidated.
\-
OP here...
Thanks everyone for your honesty. I really didn't expect this much of a response and it's given me a lot to think about. A lot of people are saying i need to educate myself about eating disorders and i think that's fair. I don't really know that much about them and my girlfriend has gone into some detail about her experience with it, but I'm definitely no expert.
I'm going to reach out to her and i would like to understand a little better so I can try to be understanding, does anyone have any information or suggestions for good resources so that i can learn more about what her issues may be before I talk to her? This relationship is really important to me, i Love her so much and I guess I just never really understood her issues that much but i would really like to.
\-
I was too anxious to rock the boat but I realize now i need to get over that as i shouldn't have let that be more important than my girlfriends feelings.
I didn't want to tell my family about her issues because I didn't want it to make her or then uncomfortable or have people asking her questions about it but maybe there's a middle ground somewhere
\-
I am going to do some reading and hope i can make things right. I didn't really know how serious her issues might be and i guess it just didn't seem like a big deal to have one day to indulge, but obviously i don't fully understand yet but I'm trying to.
\-
Damn I didn't realize cheating on keto was that bad. I thought she was just overly sensitive and not willing to have a cheat day. I wasn't that familiar with it but I liked the food she cooked so i just kinda went with it but obviously there's more to it than i thought
\-
I haven't seen this other post people are mentioning yet but I changed some details in my post for anonymity.
\[Post was locked & removed by AITA mods minutes after the above comment.\]
\-
[**Comment**](https://www.reddit.com/r/houston/comments/z15qpy/pecan_pie_thats_not_corn_syrup_pie/ixk3xih/?context=3) from u/WrongdoerDelicious81 on [a post about pecan pie](https://www.reddit.com/r/houston/comments/z15qpy/pecan_pie_thats_not_corn_syrup_pie/) in r/houston
I can't stand the goo myself, so i make my pecan pies from scratch... I just made one with almost no goo... I basically only made a quarter of the recipe for the filling, and mixed in a ton of pecans, barely enough goo to coat the pecans, and it's delicious! | 3,052 | 2022-11-28T02:22:03 | WIBTA for bringing a few of my own dishes to my fiance's family's Christmas gathering? | Suspected Fake | minnieboss | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z6k4sv/wibta_for_bringing_a_few_of_my_own_dishes_to_my/ | false | false | [
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z6npme | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-28T05:18:53 | OOP and family are having a Thanksgiving family reunion in a cabin. OOP has family members who don't wanna contribute yet wants to invite more people. What could go wrong? | CONCLUDED | theycallmemomo | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z6npme/oop_and_family_are_having_a_thanksgiving_family/ | false | false | [
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z6qqkq | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-28T08:05:06 | AITA for refusing to change one of my students diapers outside of school hours. | INCONCLUSIVE | Miserable_Airport_66 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z6qqkq/aita_for_refusing_to_change_one_of_my_students/ | false | false | [
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z6qrf2 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-28T08:06:32 | AITA for refusing to change one of my students diapers outside of school hours. | CONCLUDED | Miserable_Airport_66 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z6qrf2/aita_for_refusing_to_change_one_of_my_students/ | false | false | [
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z6ti1d | Originally posted by u/Interesting-Bee9578 in r/relationship_advice on Nov 18, '22, updated Nov 20, '22
*I'm adding in a post from Nov 17 to add some background:*
[1st post in r/abortion ](https://www.reddit.com/r/abortion/comments/yy48zx/10_weeks_along_and_in_an_anti_abortion_state_not/)
10 weeks along and in an anti abortion state. Not sure what else to do
I’m 20 and I already have two kids. I ended pregnant even after taking a morning after pill and my birth control arrived a month too late. I live in a state where abortion is illegal and that father is very against me doing so. I’m living with my parents and my job isn’t stable enough to afford an apartment. I can’t have this baby or I’ll be on the streets. The closest clinic is 4 hours away in another state but I won’t have the money to travel there. Any help is appreciated
[2nd post, RA](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/yyqhha/ex_refuses_to_let_me_get_an_abortion_and_i_just/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Ex refuses to let me get an abortion and I just can’t have this baby
I 20f am about 10 weeks pregnant with my ex’s 20m baby. For context, we dated for a year and broke up in august. It was long distance but he ended up moving back to my town in September, and we hung out a bit.
We started hooking up and it was made clear that we were not together. He still acted as if we were, doing all of the things we used to do, tell me he loved me, etc. I told him not to do that if we were only fwb. He told me he didn’t think of me that way and it wasn’t like that at all. Always insinuating that he had feelings for me and even told me that once.
About a week before I found out I was pregnant, I began to feel a bit nauseous all day long, but it was subtle enough that I could still function throughout the day. I told him this and expressed my worry of being a single mom, as I still live with my parents and I don’t make enough to move out and raise a baby. He told me he wouldn’t leave me alone and would be there for me.
A week later I took two tests that came out positive and I told him. From here on, he starts to tell me it’ll be okay and we can get a place together. I’m still worried but feel a little better knowing he wants to do this with me. Or so I thought.
He then starts to act incredibly distant and stops calling me everyday, doesn’t really want to see me anymore. I figure it’s just him trying to cope with the news. He told me that’s all it was. I feel a little relieved and we end up doing things like normal.
I guess he changed his mind later on and told me he didn’t want to move in with me anymore and would rather he get the baby full time and I can visit. I’m obviously not okay with this because it makes me feel like I’m being pushed to the side. I’m devastated and I have to come up with a way to be able to get my own place, a new job that’s more steady, all before I get kicked out and forced on the streets. He also made it clear I’m pretty much on my own.
At this point I want an abortion but he told me he was very against that. I did take a morning after pill every time and was gonna start birth control but it was too late. I want to buy pills online but I also feel guilty doing it behind his back. I can’t do this alone and I might just cave to what he wanted. I just didn’t want to be all alone. Any advice is helpful.
TLDR; got pregnant by my ex but I can’t afford raising the baby alone. Doesn’t want me to abort.
*Adding some comments from OP for more info:*
Before I found out I was pregnant, If there was a baby around, he would tell me he had baby fever and that I was going to help him out with that. I thought it was just jokes or something. But he’s always told me that.
I told him there’s no way that if I had this baby, that I could just give it away like nothing. I told him that if he wanted to be a single dad, then fine. He got mad at me either way saying I was threatening to leave, even though he said he would get the baby full time and I would just visit.
We had come to this agreement and then he kept on changing his mind, which frustrates me. I don’t want to make a broken home for an innocent baby. We both struggle with mental health and it feels wrong to bring a baby into that, but I also feel terrible for considering abortion. I talked about adoption but he doesn’t want that either. I just feel that I will get attached and he’s okay with me being to the side. I’m not. I don’t know that to do, every decision makes me feel like a terrible person. I had someone call me selfish for wanting an abortion, but I’d also be called that for having a kid I can’t afford or just giving the baby up
[Update 2 days later](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/z0hf45/update_ex_refuses_to_let_me_get_an_abortion_and_i/)
I want to start this update off by saying a huge thank you to everyone who gave me advice, resources, and just words of encouragement. Thank you so much!
So yesterday after I read all of the replies, I had a really long heart to heart with my ex about this situation. I expressed that his distance and the whole idea of me essentially being a human incubator, really put me off. I told him to just be straight up and tell me what he wanted, because he kept changing his mind on everything we agreed on.
He apologized to me and said he really didn’t mean for things to be this way and that he was so sorry for putting me through this. He then told me he didn’t actually know what he wanted and that the whole situation was freaking him out. He continued by asking me if I really thought abortion was a good option, that he had been thinking about it deep down too.
I said that while I was hesitant and scared to, it is the best decision. Neither of us are mentally ready for this child. We spoke on it for a bit and ultimately decided to get an abortion. We’ll be traveling together for it soon.
I’m scared and I’m not sure how I’ll feel going in, but I know that this is the best decision all around. I’m hopeful that I’m making a good choice. Again, thank you so much for all of the advice. It really helped.
TLDR; me and ex had a heart to heart and ultimately agreed to get an abortion
[New update posted in r/prolife 3 days after this BoRU post](https://www.reddit.com/r/prolife/comments/z7wq0c/heavily_considered_abortion_but_i_cant_do_it/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Heavily considered abortion but I can’t do it
I’m 20 years old and I’m pregnant with what’ll be my 3rd child. I already have two toddlers (twins). I was heavily considering abortion, but found out the father only wanted me to do it because he was seeing another girl on the side. I cannot and will not do it.
I want to go through with an adoption but I’m not sure how to go about it. I’m in Oklahoma if that helps. Anything helps, thank you. | 5,265 | 2022-11-28T10:52:29 | Woman's Ex Refuses To Let Her Get The Abortion She Wants (RA Nov 20, '22) | ONGOING | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z6ti1d/womans_ex_refuses_to_let_her_get_the_abortion_she/ | false | false | [
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z6u3mt | Originally posted by u/wastingrage in r/relationship_advice and r/TrueOffMyChest on May 31, '22, updated June 29, July 6, and July 26
[Sharing Interests May 31](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/v2815z/sharing_interests/)
The wife and I have been married for 3 beautiful years. Problem is she doesn’t enjoy my hobbies as much as I do. The mrs used to happily join me on adventures such as camping, or fishing. Now she won’t so much as go on a simple hike with me. We have a 7 year old and since the kiddo, these “adventures” have been a little tough to plan and follow through with, which I understand, but it can be hard on me. I like to get out at least once a week to clear the mind but now that’s been reduced to around once a month. She is upset every time I leave on a quick trip to the Rockies etc. because I’m not helping enough with the kid. I’ve told her numerous times they should both come along but she never agrees to this as she “no longer enjoys those type of things”. Should I give up on the sites I love to see, and adventures I can’t help but indulge in? I do want to be there for my family but I can’t cut these things out of my life forever, but that’s what she expects of me. Advice is greatly appreciated.
*OP is asked how often his wife gets to leave without the kid:*
She has girls weekends/nights out around once a week to every other week. She just doesn’t like camping anymore and she definitely doesn’t like me camping either. She for sure does most of the hard work with our child as I have a job and I greatly appreciate her for it. When she goes out with the ladies I’m there for the kiddo and if she need a break there I am. It’s no problem I just want to camp more is all.
[June 29, '22](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/vnvaq4/my_wife_cheated_on_me_and_says_its_not_her_fault/)
My wife cheated on me and says it’s not her fault.
This past weekend the kiddo and I went on a two day camping trip for some father-son bonding time. My wife doesn’t like camping herself at all anymore and doesn’t even appreciate our kid and I going. This is a big hobby for me and I want to share with my son. Usually we argue a lot about my trips especially if I request to bring our child, but this time she was oddly cooperative about the whole thing, but still insisted she wouldn’t join us. I was surprised but didn’t question anything because I was so excited that she was finally allowing us to go and I didn’t want her to change her mind. I thought we had finally found a common ground and the arguments were ending!
I was wrong.
We had a great trip and returned back on Monday. We expected to come home to an empty house as my wife should have been at her office for a few more hours. I walked the kid up to his room as he was exhausted and ready for a nap. After, I walked into our bedroom to find a naked man in my bed. I recognized him as my wife’s coworker whom I have met numerous times at her work functions.
At first I was in disbelief and even wondered if I was in the right house. Then my wife walked out of our bathroom, also naked, and I had no more doubts. She looked petrified when she saw me. I have never been so angry. I yelled at the dude to get out of my house so I could speak to my wife. He grabbed his clothes and left. Then we started arguing. I never yell at my wife, we always want to keep things civil for our son but I was so hurt I was screaming. Then my wife decides to get defensive saying it’s not her fault that I am barely around and camp so much, even though I hardly go on trips anymore because she doesn’t like it. She says “that’s what drove me to do this, your neglect to this family.” I was in tears at that point. I just don’t understand how her cheating could be my fault.
When I turned around to leave my son was standing in the doorway and I felt terrible for yelling. I quickly consoled him but my wife snapped at me again telling me to get my hands off him. Now she won’t speak to me and says I can’t see MY child until I apologize. Apologize for what? She said we could go on this trip. She planned to cheat and that kills me. It makes me wonder if she has done this before.
I’m stuck staying with my parents right now. I don’t know what to do, I want to see my son. I’m worried I really scared my child and of course I would apologize to him, just not my wife but maybe it is my fault.
TL;DR - My wife cheated on me while my son and I were on a camping trip, she says it’s my fault for camping “too much.”
Update: I’m back home now, decided it was best to get here ASAP. Things are quiet but I’m relieved to be back in the same space as my son. Thank you all for the advice and kind words, it means so much. I’ll keep you all updated if you’d like.
Edit: Thank you all again for the support, I appreciate it :) sorry I can’t reply to everyone there’s a lot of you and things are tough right now. But thank you so much.
Edit: In case of any confusion, I am Canadian.
[July 6](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/vt7lf3/this_is_a_follow_up_to_my_last_post_about_my/)
This is a follow up to my last post about my cheating wife.
For the past week, I have been working with a lawyer to initiate the process of divorce and gaining full custody of my son, with the exception of visitation for now until more is resolved.
Things were awkward and tense for the first few days of me being back home, so my wife, using “wife” to keep things simple and identities private, decided to leave to stay with the guy I found naked with her. I’m disappointed at the example she’s setting for our son, but this makes my decision to divorce even more concrete.
I will continue to share as much as I can if that’s what people would like, but of course, court has its confidentialities that I must keep within boundaries of.
I want to thank everyone for the continued support you all have shown me throughout this tough time in my life, I really do appreciate it.
Edit: I just want to note, please don’t just blame women/use this situation to be misogynistic.
[July 26](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/w948ms/my_now_ex_wife_revealed_she_is_pregnant_with_a/)
My (now) ex wife revealed she is pregnant with a man she cheated with and no longer wants to see our child.
This is another (and most likely final) update about my ex. See my past posts for more information if you’d like.
I expected my last update to be the final post regarding my marriage, but this felt like a necessary thing to share.
Last week I received several texts from my ex saying she was pregnant with an unknown man’s child. Obviously meaning she cheated with multiple other people before the one I found out about. She said she plans to keep the baby and start a family with her coworker (other posts have context). She also mentioned that she wouldn’t be fighting me for custody of our son. I told her I would be willing to split the custody or at least keep visitation rights for the sake of the kiddo, but she insisted she didn’t care about that anymore.
I am honestly in awe. I’m shocked she has given up on everything about the family we had, but I am most hurt for my son.
At the end of the day she isn’t worth wasting any more of my energy on. I have been spending every moment I can with my kid and will continue to do so. I’m starting to feel more like myself again and I can’t wait to get back into adventures and nature :)
I’d like to say a final thanks to everyone for the support and encouragement I will always be grateful for that.
Tobias out ✌️(for now)
*I am flairing this concluded as OPs wife has completely checked out of both the marriage and her relationship with her son* | 14,483 | 2022-11-28T11:26:51 | Man's Wife Cheated On Him But Says It’s Not Her Fault (RA/True July 26, '22) | CONCLUDED | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z6u3mt/mans_wife_cheated_on_him_but_says_its_not_her/ | false | false | [
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z6vj24 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-28T12:40:06 | OOP's boyfriend stores his piss in bottles. | REPOST | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z6vj24/oops_boyfriend_stores_his_piss_in_bottles/ | false | false | [
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z6vo7n | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-28T12:46:27 | OOP's boyfriend stores his piss in bottles. | REPOST | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z6vo7n/oops_boyfriend_stores_his_piss_in_bottles/ | false | false | [
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z71i1o | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-28T16:50:49 | OOP abandoned her children while escaping abusive ex | ONGOING | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z71i1o/oop_abandoned_her_children_while_escaping_abusive/ | false | false | [
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z75nyr | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-28T19:22:47 | My girlfriend[F27] shot herself after I[30M] left her house and is in recovery, causing everyone to ghost me. I left her. | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z75nyr/my_girlfriendf27_shot_herself_after_i30m_left_her/ | false | false | [
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z76at1 | Originally posted by u/thankyou7777 in r/TrueOffMyChest on Nov 15, 2020
[Original post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/jurfnx/to_the_person_who_watched_my_partners_stream_last/)
To the person who watched my partner's stream last night, thank you.
You have no idea how much your one view meant to my husband. After he ended the stream, he woke me up just to tell me that someone tuned in for almost the whole stream. I haven't seen him smile like that in so long.
You don't know the stress he's been under. Having a kid and losing his job, all at the start of a pandemic has taken it's toll. But I finally convinced him to start streaming like he's been talking about doing for years, telling him he was stuck at home anyway so why not. He was so afraid that if anyone tuned in, they would just make fun of him. But you spent almost 3 hours watching and talking to him. You made him feel a little more confident. He's been smiling all morning.
I can't even begin to express the gratitude I feel for you at the moment. Thank you, thank you so much.
*Several people in the comments start asking for his user name*
FULL UPDATE:
Right off the bat, because so many people are still asking for it. He streams on twitch and his user name is [*removed for privacy*].
I don't even know what to say. This blew up like crazy. So many of you went over to follow him and a lot of you tuned into his stream- there was over 100 concurrent viewers at one point. He might get to be an affiliate soon and some people already have donated, it's absolutely crazy. And I have so many messages and notification on here, I'm gonna try to get to everything as soon as I can.
Adam's working on getting a bunch of this set up for his next stream. He's gonna get a camera since a lot of viewers asked for it, and he's getting a bunch of other things set up to make it look nice. He's been non-stop smiles and can't wait to stream more later. Thank you to everyone who gave him a chance, both those who are sticking around and those who aren't. You made his night, and likely his entire day/week/month and possibly year. You have no idea how much this meant to him. You guys are so amazing.
And an extra big thank you to everyone who has been offering to help him get everything set up. You guys are so wonderful and generous. I know a bunch of you were helping him get this figured out and I really appreciate it.
He'll be streaming again tonight, and likely a lot more now. So if you enjoy his stream or want to come check him out, stop by and say hi. Again, thank you all so very much. I wish their was a way to show just how much it's meant to us.
**Please remember I am not the Original Poster. Please do not comment on the Original Posts as it's against the rulles** | 5,687 | 2022-11-28T19:46:09 | Woman Thanks Her Partners Stream Viewer (Nov 15, '20 TrueOffMyChest) | CONCLUDED | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z76at1/woman_thanks_her_partners_stream_viewer_nov_15_20/ | false | false | [
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z776j0 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-28T20:17:50 | My girlfriend[F27] shot herself after I[30M] left her house and is in recovery, causing everyone to ghost me. I left her. | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z776j0/my_girlfriendf27_shot_herself_after_i30m_left_her/ | false | false | [
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z77wy0 | I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/throwawayaccount5276 in r/trueoffmychest.
[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yue3n4/when_people_ask_why_im_not_in_our_family_pictures/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (14 Nov 22)
**When people ask why I’m not in our family pictures, I’m going to tell them the truth.**
A couple of weeks ago, my wife asked if we could have professional family photos taken. I said that money was too tight between our daughter's birthday, a trip to her parents' for Thanksgiving, and Christmas. I asked her if we could wait until after Christmas; she said no. She never brought it back up. I didn’t think anything of it because I assumed she was planning on taking them herself.
The other day, one of my tires blew out, and I went to our emergency fund to cover it. That’s when I discovered that she took three hundred dollars out of it to pay for photos. THREE HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS.
I know it sounds pathetic, but when I saw that shit, I broke down. The last couple of years have been horrible for us. I got laid off and she got sick in the same year. We eventually both found new jobs, but we never fully recovered financially. It took months and months of hard work just to get our emergency fund to that point. Now half of it is gone right before Christmas for fucking photos.
When I confronted her about it, she didn’t even try to deny it. She just said that she deserves to have nice photos. I begged her to try and get that money back, but she said no.
The photo session she booked is next Saturday, but I won’t go. She keeps threatening me, saying that people are going to ask why I’m not in them and that I’m going to look bad. I’m sure she’s right, but I’m counting on it. When people ask why I’m not there, I’ll tell them exactly what happened. I don’t care if it’s in person or on her Facebook page. I’m going to let everyone know what she did.
Since having pictures to show off is more important to her than our family’s safety, it seems only right that her family and friends should know that.
I feel like I’m married to a stranger. The woman I married would have never betrayed me like that.
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/z15x10/update_when_people_ask_why_im_not_in_my_family/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (22 Nov 22)
**Update: When people ask why I’m not in my family pictures, I’m going to tell them the truth.**
I contacted the photographer directly. I didn’t think it would work, but I decided to try it after so many people suggested it. I told my wife that I changed my mind about the photos and asked to see the photographer's other work. She gave me the website. Then I sent the photographer an email explaining the entire situation. I was shocked by how understanding she was. She refunded us right away. The only catch is that my wife is banned from using her services.
I had planned on sitting my wife down to talk. However, the photographer sent her an email before I could. She was pissed. She wouldn’t stop yelling at me until I told her I was considering leaving her.
She calmed down after that. I told her how angry and disgusted I was that she would act so irresponsibly. I asked her why she would do something like this. She said she deserved nice photos after the last couple of shitty years. I pointed out that we both had hundreds, if not thousands, of family photos saved on our phones. She said they weren’t high quality enough, and that we didn’t look nice enough in them.
I responded back that we could have gone to JCPenney, or just fucking waited and budgeted for them. She said that she didn’t want JCPenney style portraits, and that she wanted Christmas pictures. I told her that it doesn’t matter, and that financial safety was more important than fucking photos. I said if she didn’t agree, it meant that we were incompatible as a couple.
She apologized but didn’t agree. She still wants to stay together and try to work through our issues. I agreed to try on two conditions: 1) we separate our finances, and 2) we do a trial separation. She agreed. We’re splitting the bills 60/40, which is proportionate to our incomes, and splitting the emergency fund 50/50. We’re also taking turns sleeping on the couch.
I know a lot of you wanted me to leave her, but I can’t do that. I want to see my daughter every day, not fifty percent of the time. I owe it to her to at least try and make this marriage work. As angry as I am at my wife, we have gone through hell together. I can’t throw that away without trying to make it better.
The trip to her parents isn’t happening anymore. We evenly split the hundred dollars we saved for gas. My wife can’t afford the trip without my half. She’s angry that I won’t give it up. I told her that when I said separate finances, I meant separate finances. Besides, after paying for the tire and the tow, my half of the emergency fund is depleted. I need every dollar to build it back up again. I also want to stay in town with my parents.
I suggested she dip into her half of the emergency fund, but she told me she already used it to book a different photographer for her and my daughter.
Last Saturday, I borrowed a couple of sleds from a buddy of mine and took my kid sledding. I want us to build real memories together, not photos posted for likes. I think that twenty years from now, she’ll remember that more fondly than the photoshoot her mother has planned.
**Reminder - I'm not the OOP** | 22,129 | 2022-11-28T20:44:24 | OOP -When people ask why I’m not in our family pictures, I’m going to tell them the truth. | ONGOING | prettiergenghis | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z77wy0/oop_when_people_ask_why_im_not_in_our_family/ | false | false | [
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z78nit | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-28T21:10:49 | My girlfriend[F27] shot herself after I[30M] left her house and is in recovery, causing everyone to ghost me. I left her. | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z78nit/my_girlfriendf27_shot_herself_after_i30m_left_her/ | false | false | [
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z79yfc | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwra-oldwounds in r/relationship_advice**
trigger warnings: >!self harm, attempted suicide!<
---
&nbsp;
[**Update:My girlfriend[F27] shot herself after I[30M] left her house and is in recovery, causing everyone to ghost me. I left her.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hbr9ov/updatemy_girlfriendf27_shot_herself_after_i30m/) - 19 June 2020
Hello everyone, this is the original poster with a new username. I had made the other account specifically to talk about stuff related to my work but never actually posted with it. I made this one to comply with the sub's rules which I previously did not know about.
I will comment go out with the original to verify but I just wanted to give an update and thank everyone who chimed in from the bottom of my heart. You guys literally have kept me sane and show me that I wasn't crazy. I sincerely thank you all from the bottom of my heart.
Original post:
> This is a sensitive topic and I'm not going to go into detail for obvious reasons. I am actively being kept in the dark by her family and honestly these days have blended together.
> We have been together for almost 3 years off and on. This is by far my longest relationship. We've had a lot of Trials and most of it pertains to our mental struggles. Sometimes it was her, sometimes it was me but we made it work. I know this is going to sound cheesy but I really feel like she is my soulmate.
> There has been an ongoing issue with her lashing out and me enduring it. Twice, I canceled gigs for my job so I could stay up late at night to talk her out of hurting herself. That has been a constant clash between us. She feels I think she's ugly because of scars on her wrists and legs and thinks it is not my place to try to get her help.
> The past year has been rough on both of us and I've not been able to be there mentally for her as much as I was in the past. I am in a place in my career where I have been busy for the first time in my life and I'm fortunate enough to have a full-time job during these times.
> The thing is we haven't really been fighting leading up to this. The last time I saw her was peaceful and I honestly thought we were better than we ever had been. We had just talked about finally getting to go see the ocean once everything had settled down.
> She just asked if I could call off tomorrow to spend the day with her so we could smoke and hang out. I just said I was busy and she took it okay if I thought. Nothing changed. And I left after an hour or so because I really needed to get some sleep.
> I got a call at about 6 the next morning, she'd shot herself with her friend's gun. Her mom told me she would rather not see me there. I didn't go to work so I just sat at my home in shock. Nobody would tell me anything. It's really broken a lot of trust with a lot of people that I would call life long friends. I don't want to know every detail I just wanted to make sure she was okay.
> A few days later, her dad called and said I could go visit her. He didn't say much, just that something else had happened too. She's had other medical problems. She was asleep when I saw her. They think she's going to recover pretty confidently. I was there 10 minutes before her dad ushered me out. I tried to talk to a doctor but he kept nudging me to leave.
> About three more days later, her sister called me and said that she may be coming home soon. And that's when she told me I would have a chance to make things right. I asked what she meant and apparently my girlfriend blamed me for everything. She sent a text accusing me of abandoning her and saying things I never would dream of saying. She also states that I had borrowed the gun for my friend and gave it to her. That doesn't make sense.
> She ended the call with "once she comes home, you can focus on helping her and saving your relationship". That was a week ago and I haven't heard anything since. Social media has been quiet, no calls or texts. The only people I've been around is when I'm at the bar and people are just as surprised as I am to learn that I don't know nothing.
> It just doesn't add up to me. If they think I did these awful things,why would anyone want me back with her? Is she awake right now? I've searched a bit but I can't really find anything out. I have called my friend who owns the firearm multiple times and I am pretty close to just driving up to his house to figure out what is going on or at least get him to tell her family the truth.
> I sent her sister a text telling her the truth in every detail how about what happened when I was there. I even sent her screenshots of us wishing each other a good night and talking about how we could hang out that weekend when I'm off work.
> Anyhow, the main thing of this post as I need advice because I'm planning on breaking up with her at the moment. This was just too far for me and I can't handle it. I feel awful just typing this, I am bawling my eyes out right now but I can't help someone who doesn't want help and would say those things about me.
> I am being treated so horribly for something I didn't do and I need peace. I really love her and I would honestly be in that hospital bed instead of her if I could. But this has crossed a line. Normally we would fight and one of us would cave. I would be mad and within a day be wanting to talk to her again.
> I don't. I don't think I could ever look someone in the eyes after they've done something like that to me. I feel like a piece of shit. Have they even deleted every picture of us off my phone and if it wouldn't stir anything up, I would remove everything related to her from social media.
> I know this is out of everyone's pay grade. I just need to know him wrong thinking this way?Is there something I'm missing?I am just dumbfounded and I don't tell who what is real anymore.
**Update:**
A couple days after the post, I met with the mother in person. I asked her to meet with me through text. She has always loved me since I started dating her daughter years ago. I can confidently say that they are not going to come after me legally or there is any malicious intent. Unfortunately the person I loved did indeed say awful things about me and lie. She will recover from the shooting.
I showed her the messages, I showed her a text where my girlfriend was joking about wanting to keep the pistol grips clarifying it was my friend's gun. I also showed her texts during some of the rougher times, me staying up all night to talk her out of self-harm, etc. She also agreed to me recording us talking with my phone. This time has gotten everyone paranoid and I needed to know that there was no twist or ambush coming.
We both cried a few times talking. I also dropped the bomb that I would be leaving her daughter. She is officially my ex and I feel torn about that but I have to get away. Her mom agrees that it was unfair and horrible for her to lie about me. And that feels so validating and painful, hearing it out loud that her daughter lied. She promised to get her help and apologized to me.She even said that she would still consider me a son.
I have no ill-will towards her family and I hope they have none for me. I understand they were just trying to protect their daughter and based on her story, I was this manipulative monster who tried rob them of her. I also want to clarify that I was unofficially barred from seeing her at the hospital. I could have gone but I didn't want to make a grieving families time harder and I am thankful for the time they did let me see her.
Her sister texted me and apologized as well. A day later, yesterday, I met with my friend who owned the gun. I showed up at his house after he continuously ignored me. It was basically a huge misunderstanding. He was afraid that I was angry at him for letting her borrow the gun and I took his silence on the issue as validating her lie. We're good. I have a friend now.
I have also signed up for counseling and will be going to my first online appointment Saturday. As for my job, I am taking a week leave using my vacation days, the time I was going to use to go to the beach with her, because while I did continue to work throughout all this. I need a break.
As for my ex, I believe she's home. I have blocked her on everything and I have no intention of talking to her again. Some of her eyes were very personal and there is no other way to take what she said. It fucking hurts. I have loved this person more than I have loved anyone in this world.
But this is something I have to do completely or not at all.I have texted our mutual friends, my entire friend group, stating that I would gladly talk to any of them and set the record straight and I've even received a couple replies showing support for me. Which kinda seems hollow honestly.
At the end of the day, I think I will be okay now. I do love my ex, her family has always treated me right and accepted me in when mine would not. I will always be thankful for them. I'm pretty sure my friend group will continue on without me or her though I may end up breaking down sooner or later because of it.
I feel like I've lost out on a chapter of my life. Years wasted.I feel irrationally angry sometimes. I know we didn't have the best relationship but I didn't deserve that. It helps me to keep repeating that to myself. In some ways I might have saved her life. I did make a point to mention to both the mother and sister that I could have posted every bit of our dirty laundry on Facebook, but I'm not going to do that unless provoked.
That is not a threat. They both understood that I mean that in case my ex tries to come after me in anyway. It still hurts like right now typing this. But I hope it will with time.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 8,853 | 2022-11-28T21:57:36 | My girlfriend[F27] shot herself after I[30M] left her house and is in recovery, causing everyone to ghost me. I left her. | CONCLUDED | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z79yfc/my_girlfriendf27_shot_herself_after_i30m_left_her/ | false | false | [
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