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z7d65c | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/[deleted] in r/amitheasshole**
---
 
[**AITA for spending a large amount of money in a trip with my dad instead of paying the debt on my boyfriends house?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/p35pgh/aita_for_spending_a_large_amount_of_money_in_a/) - 12 August 2021
I (29F) recently got in a fight with my boyfriend (30M) and his family because I refused to spend my savings in a house payment that could result in him getting kicked out of the house.
So, context: I've deal with mental health problems all my life, but when I turned 20 I was at my worst. Due to that, I couldn't mantain a stable job while studying in college. My parents have always been suportive with me. They let me live with them and my dad paid for my psychologist, medicines, all my college education and maintained me until I was 24 while also taking care of my mom and my 3 younger sibilings. He's a super hardwork man and I've seen him quit to thinks he enjoys and loves to give me and my sibilings the best he can. Top tier parenting and I love him to death.
Fast foward to this year, I've stable job that pays really well and I've been saving money for the past 5 years cuz I wanted to do something for my dad as a thank you for all the sacrifices he has done for me. His dream has always been to go to Disneyworld (we are not from the USA) and stay in one of those fancy hotels, but he was never able to do it and now that he is retired, he though he would never be able to. So I have been saving money in secret to make it happend, the only one that knew about my savings was my mom and she loved the idea.
I've been with my bf for 1 and a half years now, he has a good job but he is not the best at taking care of his economy. He bought his house before we meet and he is still paying for it. Due to his poor management of money, he start to accumulating a debt in the house payments and a few weeks ago he told me that there is a chance of him losing his house if he doesn't pay the debt.
Last week I finally reached my goal and had enough money to take my dad to his dream trip, just the 2 of us. I told my bf and I was really excited but he was livid and told me that how could I be so selfish and go on a "stupid vacation trip" when he is about to get kicked out of his house. He also told me that if we were in for the long run, I should help him to get out of his debt because that could eventually be my house too (we don't live together, I live in a small apartment). He also told me that his trust was betrayed cuz I've been hidding the money savings from him and "a good partner does not do that".
I told him that it was not my responsibility to pay for his debt, but he keep yelling and me so I left. He told his mom and sister about it and now both of them have been harassing me, going to my apartnent and to my work telling me how horrible I am for not helping him and trying to convince me to pay his debt.
I get that my bf is going though a hard time but this is something I've been working really hard to achive and since my dad is starting to have difficulties to walk, with his eyesight and his health in general is getting worst, I don't want to wait anylonger to take him in this trip. Am I the asshole?
Verdict: NTA
**UPDATE!**
Ok, first thank yall so much for the advice and knocking some sense into me. I read all the comments and tried to watch my situation from all the perspectives you gave me, so thank you!
So, here is what happened. After things calmed down a little, my bf and I talked. He actually apologized and told me that he never intended to come that aggressive, he was just very stressed with his situation and took it on me. He also talked to her mother and sister to stop harassing me. He told me he didn't knew they went to see me, that he only vented with them cuz he was angry but never told them to do anything (which I kinda belive, his family has always been a bit too much). He recognized that it was not ok from him to expect money from me but he did wanted to be with me and he even started talking about living together.
I told him I understood that he was stressed and I also apologized for beeing insensitive and talk about spending all that money on a trip when I knew he was struggling, that was totally on me and I did feel bad for that. But I told him that he had no right at beeing mad at me for "keeping my savings a secret" when he hasn't been transparent with his finances either, I didn't even knew how much his debt was until that day cuz he never wanted to talk about it with me. Basically, I told him I didn't wanted to be in a relationship with someone that reacts that way about something I care so much about and acuse me of being selfish.
So I broke up with him, saying maybe we needed some time apart, and he was NOT happy about that. Long story short, it was a very dramatic and nasty breakup but I got out of there and I am safe for now, thankfully. Yall were right, I dodged a bullet there. I also managed to keep it all from my dad, so the trip is still a surprise for him (gotta thank my mom for that).
I have already started to book things for the trip. I'm planning it to be in october, since I've seen Halloween is a really huge thing there, also hoping the wave in Florida passes (I'll re-schedule for next year if necesary) I saw all the tips in the comments and I took notes, so thank you guys for those too! I'll give my dad the news on his birthday mid september once I've everything booked and ready 💖
Again, thank yall so much!
TL;DR: I broke up with him and I'm taking my dad to Disney in october!
Ps.: sorry for format, grammar or spelling errors, I'm not a native english speaker and it's my first time using reddit lol.
 
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 8,405 | 2022-11-28T23:57:32 | AITA for spending a large amount of money in a trip with my dad instead of paying the debt on my boyfriends house? | REPOST | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z7d65c/aita_for_spending_a_large_amount_of_money_in_a/ | false | false | [
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z7dehp | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-29T00:06:25 | I found out my mom what i though she was + UPDATE | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z7dehp/i_found_out_my_mom_what_i_though_she_was_update/ | false | false | [
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z7dkup | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-29T00:13:15 | I found out my mom what i though she was | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z7dkup/i_found_out_my_mom_what_i_though_she_was/ | false | false | [
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z7e24p | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/strict_mastodon in r/amitheasshole**
---
 
[**AITA for refusing to wear a wig to my friend’s wedding?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c0xp8l/aita_for_refusing_to_wear_a_wig_to_my_friends/) - 15 June 2019
Just as a little background, I grew up in a very strict Christian family where I wasn’t allowed to cut my hair, ever, because “hair is a woman’s crown”. It was down to my knees by the time I escaped at 18. Ever since then I’ve either had a pixie, a buzz cut or have been totally bald, because I cannot stand the heavy feeling of long hair or all the brushing/washing/detangling after dealing with it for so many years. So that’s a big reason I’m so stubborn about this issue. Also, all of my friends involved in this story have always known me as the girl with no hair. Right now I’m bald because I always shave my head completely for the summer.
One of my good friends is getting married in August and she chose me to be one of her bridesmaids. Everything had been cool, she’s always been the sweetest person and she showed no signs of going Bridezilla before this, until she called me up about three weeks ago and asked me if I could do her a favor and wear a wig to her wedding. She explained that she wanted all of her bridesmaids to match and that she wanted us all to look good in the pictures. I told her I really didn’t want to get a wig, and we’ve been on bad terms ever since.
All of our friends are on her side because “it’s just a wig” and “it’s not like she’s asking you to grow out your hair for the wedding, so she’s not the one being unreasonable.” And I know I can be very stubborn sometimes, which I guess is the reason I’m posting here.
The thing is, I don’t know how many of you will be aware of this but a wig that will actually look good/realistic is expensive. I’ve already paid for a bridesmaid’s dress, new shoes, and plane tickets, as well as a small deposit for the person who’s going to do our makeup. This wedding has already cost me a fortune. I could afford a wig if I wanted to, but do I really want to spend the money on something I’ll never wear again when I’ve already spent a ton? Not really.
Also, this is going to be on a plantation in Louisiana. In August. I’m already going to be hot and uncomfortable, and a wig will make things a thousand times worse.
My biggest reason-and this is why my friends are saying I’m the asshole-is the principle of the thing. I feel like it implies I look bad because I don’t have hair, which I personally don’t think is true. Is being bald so hideous I’ll ruin her pictures? Is she going to make her balding father wear a toupee? And I think the “I want us to match” thing is stupid. We’re already wearing matching dresses, why isn’t that enough? I know it’s “her day” and we’re supposed to make her happy, but isn’t there a line?
I’ve offered to wear a cute headscarf as a compromise if my bald head is that offensive, but she’s not having it. I’m still in the bridal party and invited but I don’t know for how much longer, honestly. AITA for not wanting to wear a wig?
Verdict: NTA
EDIT: Just to add two things: 1. She’s not willing to pay or reimburse me for the wig, in part or in full 2. Along with the headscarf I’d also be willing to grow my hair out into a pixie cut, the wedding is at the beginning of August so it’d still be really short though.
 
[**Update: AITA for refusing to wear a wig to my friend’s wedding?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c3xraf/update_aita_for_refusing_to_wear_a_wig_to_my/) - 23 June 2019
So first of all, thank you so much for your replies and advice! I’m writing an update post because things ended up working out well, and because I want people to see my friend isn’t actually a horrible person like people were saying she was.
I texted her asking if we could work things out over a phone call (we don’t live in the same state, so our relationship is over phone and text). It turns out a lot of you were right and my friend was being pressured to ask me to wear a wig. Her future mother in law found out about my shaved head and pitched a fit. Like I said in a comment, my friend can be a huge pushover, and this woman is apparently a nightmare. She’s also paying for vast majority of the wedding, so my friend felt even more beholden to what she wanted.
That’s why she told me she couldn’t pay for the wig: mother in law refused to. Neither of them knew how expensive a good wig can be, my friend only found out when I told her over the phone. That’s also why our dresses, shoes and makeup weren’t covered. It turns out my friend is mortified by what she sees as her mother in law making her look cheap and greedy, but she didn’t want to tell us that because she’s already embarrassed to be relying on her mother in law’s money. (Apparently it’s her fiancé’s family insisting on a huge extravagant wedding.)
That’s why her reasons didn’t ring true to me as well. She didn’t want to hurt my feelings by telling me that her mother in law was being so judgmental of me, so she basically blurted out the first things that came into her head. She assured me she thinks I look great with short hair and apologized for making me think she thought I look bad.
I know people will question how I can believe her, but I’ve been friends with her for nearly ten years and I give her the benefit of the doubt. We’ve been there for each other through a lot and really care about one another.
I’m still side eyeing the plantation wedding but I didn’t tell her that because she seemed so stressed out by essentially being bullied by her fiancé’s family I didn’t want to pile on. I do know for a fact that she only wanted that venue for the big oak trees all over the property, which are admittedly beautiful. I went to the plantation’s website and they do acknowledge slavery’s evils and even have a memorial to everyone who was enslaved there, so that makes me feel slightly better.
I did tell her that asking me as a mixed girl to wear a blonde wig could be seen as racially insensitive and I explained why. She was horrified and apologized over and over sincerely. She wants to stand out from her bridesmaids in pictures, and she didn’t even consider the racial implications of asking me because most of her bridesmaids are blonde. She’s kind of oblivious to things like that (so are a lot of people!) but the few times I’ve had to point out something she said could be hurtful she’s always been understanding instead of defensive.
I decided I’m going to grow out my hair as much as possible for the wedding just to help her not get grief from her monster in law. It’ll still be pretty short, so that’s okay. She’s fine with that too except she was worried I’ll still have to deal with snide remarks from her fiancé’s family. I reassured her that after nearly a decade with short hair I’ve pretty much heard it all. By the time we hung up I felt way better not only about the wedding, but about our friendship.
 
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 6,706 | 2022-11-29T00:33:18 | AITA for refusing to wear a wig to my friend’s wedding? | CONCLUDED | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z7e24p/aita_for_refusing_to_wear_a_wig_to_my_friends/ | false | false | [
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z7iv5d | **I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/CommercialPresent555](https://www.reddit.com/user/CommercialPresent555/). OOP posted in r/AITA. I marked this as concluded because the issue of Frederick has been resolved. OOP has not posted a pet tax.
**Trigger Warning:** >!emotional neglect!<
**Mood Spoiler**: >!OOP gets to keep Frederick the snake!<
**Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yxiavd/aita_for_refusing_to_get_rid_of_my_pet_snake_even/)**: November 17, 2022**
I am 15, and I have a ball python. His name is Frederick. My grandparents got him for me a year ago and paid for everything I needed to get started, but since then I have paid for everything he needs with my own money. I am not exaggerating when I say that I love my snake and consider him part of my family. My mom recently got engaged, and my stepdad-to-be has kids. They are all nice, and we normally get along very well, but we have started to have an issue.
They are scared of/just don't like Frederick. He is really nice and would never hurt anyone and even looks cute, they just don't like him since he's a snake. When they started coming over a lot, I was just told to move his enclosure into my room. However, now that our parents got engaged, they are going to be moving in with us. My stepbrother is going to be sharing a room with me. He is 11. However, he doesn't want to be in the room if Frederick is in there.
Our house isn't big enough for him to get his own room, his sisters are going to be sharing a room with my sister, my parents have their room, and then we have an office. I offered to move Frederick out of my room again, but that won't work for the other kids. My mom has told me I might just have to let go so that everyone can be happy, but I have refused.
I do not, under any circumstances, want to lose him. My mom said I could get a new snake once I'm old enough to move out and it would only be a few years, Both my stepdad and my mom have offered me money and other stuff to get rid of him or that we could get a different pet, but I have refused to accept that. I don't want to sound spoiled or anything, but I want Frederick and only Frederick.
I feel that if my stepsiblings just gave it a chance and actually tried to get to know him even a little bit, they would be able to live with him, but they just won't. They have decided to not like him and won't let me try to change their minds. I know that they will have to live with us somehow, and this will have to be resolved. I asked other family and my friends, and people are split. So please, am I in the wrong for refusing to budge on this?
Edit: I can't sleep so I will talk to my parents in the morning. It's only been an hour, but you guys already have me seriously considering asking about moving in with my grandparents for the time being, probably just until they can get a bigger house.
I will also ask them about just moving someone into the office or keeping Frederick in there, however since his even being in the house is an issue this might not work.
If I do move him to my grandparents' house, I would rather be with him. Thanks for all the support you guys have given me, I really appreciate it.
**Relevant Comments:**
*Someone points out that not EVERYONE is ok with it since OOP isn't, and also sis has to share a room with 2:*
"From what I have been able to tell. the only people who mind are me and my sister. I really only care because of the situation with Frederick. and my sister cares because her room is going to have 2 new people, it's a tight fit. The other kids haven't complained at least, except my stepbrother because of Frederick being there."
*Someone asks if OOP can live with their grandparents:*
"I'm not sure if this is a joke or not, but I'm super close with them. Since I'm older they wouldn't have to do a ton of work, but it still might be a lot. I can ask them if I can stay for a bit, but I don't think I could move in with them full-time or even if that's legal. It's also kind of like how I said I didn't know if I could do it with Frederick because it would be rude to spring that kind of responsibility on them, but like x50. idk, maybe tho"
"It could work. And since I do school online, it really wouldn't even be that inconvenient. If I want to hang out with my friends, they can just drive me, but we mostly play video games with each other and I can just do that from their house. I'll talk to my mom and my grandparents. Thanks"
*As to if the science teacher can take Frederick:*
"I do online school. but it was my science teacher who actually got me into snakes in the first place. (She teaches 7-12, so I've had her the whole time) I told her that they were my favorite animal and she told me she kept snakes and when I got them, she gave me advice on how to do everything. Shout-out to Mrs. Harris if you're reading this"
*Commenter asks if OOP's sister minds Frederick now:*
"Not at all. She was nervous at first, but now she loves him almost as much as I do."
**Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z1vstr/update_aita_for_refusing_to_get_rid_of_my_pet/)**: November 22, 2022**
Hey everyone. I'm back on this account to give you guys an update. I really appreciate the support you guys gave me.
I talked to my parents about options with Frederick the morning after I posted, since I posted late at night since I couldn't sleep. In the end, after some convincing, I am now staying with my grandparents, along with Frederick (my snake for those of you who didn't read the original post)
My parents jumped on the idea, and since I do online school and they live so close by I was able to switch pretty quickly. As a family, we have decided that this is the best for everyone. My parents agreed that the house was overcrowded, and my step-siblings-to-be couldn't live with Frederick, and I refused to part with him.
In the end, my two step-sisters moved into the office, my parents moved that stuff into their room, and I moved to my grandparents' house. Today I came home and got more of my things, and this will be our arrangement until my parents can get a new, bigger house.
So in the end, Frederick is safe and everyone is happy! Everything has been going well so far, but it's only been a few days. Hopefully, everything stays good!
**Relevant Comments:**
*About the mom:*
"She didn't want me to leave at first, but she didn't want to figure something else out, so I convinced her. And even if she did just throw me away as other people have said, I don't really care. All I care about is that I'm still with Frederick."
*About the sister:*
"She's good. She came to visit today and she says that now she is much happier now that there aren't 3 people to her room."
*About the grandparents:*
"Yeah. They're really awesome, not just as in being cool, but they literally inspire awe for me."
**OOP, I truly wish you and Frederick the best. I'm glad you have Frederick and your grandparents. Give Frederick a hug (not sure if snakes like being hugged...) or some treats from all of us- he sounds like a good boy!**
**As a reminder, as per the rules of BORU, please do not comment on OOP's posts.** | 9,248 | 2022-11-29T04:06:20 | AITA for refusing to get rid of my pet snake even though my stepsiblings-to-be are scared of him? | CONCLUDED | LucyAriaRose | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z7iv5d/aita_for_refusing_to_get_rid_of_my_pet_snake_even/ | false | false | [
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z7m8vt | [Originally posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/sk0bbk/a_bartender_wrote_themselves_a_100_extra_dollars/) by u/cxjoshuax21x in r/legaladvice on Feb 4, 2022:
**A bartender wrote themselves a 100 extra dollars on a tip. Credit card company is telling me to pound sand. What are my options?**
A few weeks ago I went to a bar in NYC while on a trip. My bill came out to around 60 dollars. I left a 20 dollar tip that would have brought the total to around 84 dollars. A few days later I see a charge for 184 on my credit card. The bar does not have a phone number. The only way to contact them is through sending them a message on their website. I did and received no response. I attempted calling the hotel next door but they refused to get my in touch with the bar. It's too far for me to go in person. I filed a dispute with my credit card company who has now told me to pound sand because I dont have a receipt. Even though my copy of the receipt would only have the original bill amount of around 60 dollars anyway. Doesnt matter. They need a receipt. Also the bar legally has to hold on to receipts for several years for this reason. Doesnt matter, credit card company wont budge. What are my options?
Edit. Am I allowed to name and shame the bar and cc company here?
2nd edit. Wow this got alot of attention. For now I'm going to file a police report and call my CC company again. I will demand a manager and have the CFPB website open on a laptop and tell them if they dont help me I will file a complaint while in the phone with them and be sure to include the managers name in it. If that doesnt get me anywhere I will get the NYC liquor board involved. Thanks everyone for the advice. I will do another update once the dust has settled. Also I will be switching to another credit card.
---------------------------------------------------------------
[Updated post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/sr3dxq/update_a_bartender_wrote_themselves_a_100_extra/), [restored](https://www.reddit.com/r/bestoflegaladvice/comments/sr88ki/an_update_to_laop_doesnt_appreciate_the_pro_tip/) on r/bestoflegaladvice on Feb 12/13, 2022:
This is what occurred over the next several days. I called the credit card company again who insisted I needed a receipt. Eventually I escalated it to a manager who said they could claim it as fraud. That would involve my current card being canceled and a new one sent to me. They money was returned to my account. The next day I got an e-mail stating the claim was denied, and the money was taken from my account again. I once again called the cc company, and was told I needed a receipt again and that the person who ran the fraud claim shouldn't have because it wasn't technically fraud. I escalated to a manager again. They eventually agreed to just give me a credit of 100 dollars to my account courtesy of the company. Likely just so I would stop yelling at them. It has been a week and the case is considered closed. The bar/ bartender got to keep the money they took, but I also was refunded by the CC company. I asked the manager about this policy of needing the receipt and they refused to budge or say otherwise. Every single person I talked to (about 10) all said that a receipt is needed for ANY dispute. They do not protect their customers. I put a streaming service subscription on the card to keep it active. But will never use it again. I have switched to a different cc company for my daily use card. Thanks for all the attention this got. | 9,891 | 2022-11-29T06:57:04 | A bartender wrote themselves 100 extra dollars on OP's tip | CONCLUDED | beerbellybegone | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z7m8vt/a_bartender_wrote_themselves_100_extra_dollars_on/ | false | false | [
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z7r8rt | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-29T11:18:40 | How do i (35M) break up with my gfg (29f) in the middle of a trip? | ONGOING | Islingtonian | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z7r8rt/how_do_i_35m_break_up_with_my_gfg_29f_in_the/ | false | false | [
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z7ufxo | *I am not the OP - this was originally posted by* *throwaway235939-* *on* r/TrueOffMyChest*.*
# [The Original Post (17.11.2022)](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yy06qb/my_girlfriend_of_three_years_doesnt_know_i_know/)
I (21 F) have been dating my girlfriend (22 F) for three years. I grew up in a really small town so finding other women who liked women wasn’t easy. We met at my college orientation because she was one of the group leaders showing us around. I saw her more and more as the weeks passed because we ate at similar times and we eventually became friends. She always assumed I was straight because I have a very feminine style (I’m sure others can relate to this misconception) but being friends didn’t last very long when we found out we both liked women.
The last three years have been great or at least I thought they were. About two months ago she started getting really cagey around her phone which was a red flag to me. Before that we were both open with our phones and frequently went on them for directions, to look things up, or text our friends if our phone died. Two weeks ago I went through her phone when she was showering (yes yes I know invasion of privacy). It wasn’t hard to find what I was looking for but what angered me the most is that besides her cheating she was making fun of me with the other girl. Both of them making remarks that looking like a “bimbo” would only get me so far. Which is funny considering she constantly talks to me about how she loves my over the top femininity. I was honestly ready to explode right there but instead I took screenshots of their flirtatious text messages and sent them to myself. Both of them are part of an internship that at least from my girlfriends side she’s been working years to get into. In hopes of getting offered a full contract when her schooling is done. As most internships or even jobs are, relationships are strictly prohibited amongst coworkers and results in termination. So the head of the program will be getting a very exciting email very soon :) I also know her schedule like the back of my hand so my friends and me are going to take back all the stuff I bought for her and leave a box of the few things she bought me with a print of the messages taped on top. Maybe not the coldest revenge in the world but I hope she has fun sleeping in a bed with no sheets or a duvet. Also, have fun scrambling to buy the very expensive textbooks I bought for you right before finals begin. <3
Edit: some of the comments are having me rethink sending stuff to her boss. It won’t ruin her career but perhaps it’s too far. However, I do feel a lack of sympathy because of how the two of them talked about me. If I do decide against it I’m going to find something equally petty that doesn’t involve her career. Most of the texts were spent brutally slut shaming me and calling me a bimbo because of my appearance. The other girl going as far as asking my ex for “special photos of me” to see if I “looked as plastic as she thinks I do”. Whatever that means. I haven’t decided yet, all I know is I’m getting ready to go party with my friends.
Edit: Also to all of my cuties and I mean everyone she’s, he’s, they’s, whatever you go by out there who have also been cheated on you’re super sexy gorgeous fabulous sparkly hot and cute and they flop <3
&#x200B;
# Small Update (added to first post)
I just took all of my stuff with my friends and left all of the items she got me in the box with the printouts of the texts messages. I’m about to call her mom (who loves me very much) and tell her EVERYTHING 🙂I’ll probably update later on how that went. She probably won’t find the box for a few hours since she usually doesn’t get home till around 5. Also for those who are curious, no, I’m not gonna take those textbooks back and just dump them. I’m gonna sell them and donate the money to homeless and animal shelters. I’m also gonna give the sheets and duvet to a homeless person.
&#x200B;
# From the comments:
>*On whether AP wanted the nudes because she had the hots for OOP:*
>
>"I don’t think she was attracted to me at all, quite the opposite, I think she’s disgusted by “hyper feminine” women. In her texts she accused me several times of looking the way I do for an advantage in my study because it’s male dominated. Which it’s quite the opposite, I’m often ridiculed by peers or they try their best to not work with me. However on the bright side other female STEM students tend to be very loving towards me and I love them back! I can only describe her as a “pick me girl” and “women who look like bimbos CANT be smart”. I think she wanted to see if my body had work done to “prove her point” about what kind of girl I am."
>
>"I think she just wanted them to laugh about the fact I have fake boobs tbh lmaooooo"
&#x200B;
>Redditor: Please don’t \[...\] tell her boss\[,\] women like her make gay women look baf
>
>OOP: I see where you are coming from which is what is creating my doubt. There’s already a lot of stigma towards the lgbtq and I don’t want something like this to make it worse. I don’t even feel pity for her (I hope she has ingrown toenails for the next twenty years) but I do think about the impact it’ll have on other gay bbs and just our image as a whole.
&#x200B;
>Redditor: If you don’t want to go the career ruiner route send the pics to her parents instead
>
>OOP: I like that idea bc her mom LOVES me, kinda sad to let go of her family bc her mom and me always had fun baking together on Christmas ☹️
&#x200B;
>Redditor: Do you know if your ex sent those "special" pictures to weirdo mccreep?
>
>OOP: Yeah :/ she sent one
&#x200B;
>Redditor: I hope there's an update. Sending it to her boss is definitely not too far, she hurt you and broke the workplace rules. If she wanted to keep the job then she would have followed the rules.
>
>I'd also like to say you're taking this well, you really are good at remaining calm. I'm sure you'll find someone much better.
>
>OOP: I really only have two options, be a crying mess on the floor (which I did cry a lot because it still hurts to be betrayed like that) or pick myself up. I’m still really hurt but being sad while shaking some ass with my friends at a party feels better than being sad all alone and wallowing!
&#x200B;
>Redditor: I avoid people with revenge stories 90% of the times. Who knows what they’ll do to you if you screw up / get falsely accused
>
>OOP: No offense but sending your partners nudes to your affair partner so they can know if you have fake boobs is something you should be scorned for. If you aren’t doing shitty things like that, you shouldn’t be worried.
>
>Redditor: Beyond your hypothetical situation, my point still stands. Ruining someone’s job is way worse than sending a private photo. And they’re still in the wrong, I’m just saying you should just move on.
>
>OOP: Sending a photo of me to someone who could do who knows what with it can certainly ruin my life equal to having her internship taken away. Let’s not pretend like it hasn’t for many people, especially women. To pretend like someone’s nudes being passed around hasn’t caused those things or worse is disingenuous.
&#x200B;
>"I know I’m putting on a brave front but I’m genuinely so sad that this all happened especially seeing her talk about me the way she did and send the photos I trusted her to have. I truly did love her and would’ve done anything for her. A small part of me still loves her now even though I know I shouldn’t. I’m strong enough to not take her back but it still hurts to have this image of who I fell in love with isn’t the reality. I really didnt think she capable of doing the things she’s done :("
&#x200B;
# [Real Update (22.11.2022)](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/z23uqg/update_my_girlfriend_doesnt_know_i_know_shes/)
Hi all! I appreciate all the kind words you all left me, it definitely made this whole thing feel a lot less lonely. I’m finally in a space where I feel like I can update.
So as many of you know I went through with taking all of my stuff back and leaving the things she got me with print outs of all the messages between them. I also ended up dumping a ton of glitter on her (naked) mattress and basically the whole place. I also called her mother who I was very close with and to say she was angry was an understatement. I left her number unblocked because I wanted to see her reaction if she had any at all. As expected, she had a total meltdown. She texted me 84 times begging me to come back to talk, apologizing and saying she didn’t mean it and was just trying to make the other girl feel less insecure, I was the most beautiful woman she’s ever met and she didn’t want to lose me, saying she loved me blah blah blah. It was honestly pathetic. She also called me a ton of times but I didn’t answer. I haven’t listened to the voicemails either. She also thought it was a great idea to wait for me outside of my 8 am class with flowers and I told her if she did it again I’d contact the university for harassment.
I’ve been staying with my friend and it’s honestly been a lot better than I expected. I’ve been partying a lot over the weekend with my friends. Now, after posting my original post I received a flood of comments which made me reconsider and I had a hard time deciding if I wanted to email her internship. To make it short for the people who don’t care that much, I did end up emailing the head of the program. Not because she cheated on me but because the both of them were sending my nude photos between the two of them. I’m still deciding if I want to take legal action on a personal level. But with their line of work, I don’t think their behavior is appropriate. Especially because the other woman’s hateful nature towards specific types of women she deems worthless. I emailed the head of the program the extent of the issue and however he decides to handle it is his choice.
Side note: I did end up giving her sheets and duvet to a homeless woman I found and I plan on selling the textbooks I bought her and donating the money to homeless and animal shelters.
# From the comments:
>"I’m gonna take a couple months for me and jump back into dating when I feel like I’m ready :) this definitely messed with me emotionally and mentally but I’ll bounce back! What I feel now is not what I will feel forever 💖"
*Again, I'm not OOP! To me, this is ending on a hopeful note - OOP got her revenge and her closure, and hopefully can now heal from the betrayal and move on.* | 10,151 | 2022-11-29T13:43:02 | My girlfriend of three years doesn’t know I know shes cheating but she’s about to. | NEW UPDATE | Corfiz74 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z7ufxo/my_girlfriend_of_three_years_doesnt_know_i_know/ | false | false | [
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z7xudz | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-29T15:57:12 | Op is distancing himself from his parents due to their lifestyle. | ONGOING | DescriptionPopular59 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z7xudz/op_is_distancing_himself_from_his_parents_due_to/ | false | false | [
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z7zfgq | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwawayaita90101 in r/amitheasshole**
---
&nbsp;
[**AITA for staying neutral in a situation between my son and my daughter + wife**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/n56eqo/aita_for_staying_neutral_in_a_situation_between/) - 5 May 2021
This all started a couple of years ago and it completely split our family apart. My son, Z (22M), has pretty much been estranged from us since he was 18.
Adam is the son of good family friends, he and my daughter, P (24F), begun dating around when they were 19. The problem is Adam was a bully to my son throughout school, as you can imagine he didn't take it very well. He was furious, however my daughter refused to budge on this. I tried to stay out of the situation but my wife took my daughter's side, partially as were good friends with Adam's parents, but also because she thought Z would eventually get over it.
Unfortunately that didn't happen, instead it made a stark difference in my son's personality, he had become much more aggressive, cold and disrespectful. He no longer listened to what me or his mother had to say, often using intimidation to get what he wanted, he would also disappear for days a time without so much as a word. This would more or less carry on until he left for university, after which he probably spent no more than 2 weeks in total back at home, opting to stay with friends or whatever girl he was seeing at the time.
He has rejected any olive branch we extend. This has completely destroyed our family and it especially hurts my wife as they were quite close before this happened. The last time we spoke was last year before lockdown, he called me a coward for sitting on the fence. I understand why he feels the way he does, but was I really wrong to stay neutral in this? I didn't feel like it was my place to control my daughter's dating life.
Verdict: YTA
&nbsp;
[**Update: UPDATE: AITA for staying neutral in a situation between my son and my daughter + wife**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o7xuxk/update_update_aita_for_staying_neutral_in_a/) - 25 June 2021
I wanted to upload this earlier but I just got around to remembering what the password for this was.
I did not plan on making an update, it was quite clear that we were in the wrong and we accept that, however my son was informed of the original post by one of his cousins, he got in contact and he found it hilarious. My wife managed to convince him to meet up with us and talk. He insisted on me making an update with the takeaways from that conversation, so here goes.
Regarding the post, his exact words were "big up the people who showed love and all the people who called me petty can go fuck themselves", he said this with the biggest smile on his face. He also found it hilarious how, despite me trying my best to make him 'look bad', most of the replies were still ripping into me.
I'm sure a lot of people are interested in how he's doing now, I'm happy to say he has outgrown his abrasiveness and has become a very confident and intelligent young man. He's very secretive about what he's doing now, but one thing he is open and proud about is the charity he runs. He happily went into detail about how he works with disadvantaged children and helps get them opportunities, particularly in sports.
In regards to his sister and Adam, he seemed completely indifferent to them. He said he wasn't particularly interested in talking about '2 losers who no-one really likes'.
It was a long conversation, we talked about a lot but it seemed to end with my son letting us know- that while there might be the slightest bit of contact between us, me and my wife will always be on the outside looking in on his life. While this isn't what me and my wife hoped for, we are looking at it as a chance to eventually build our relationship back up.
This was the main takeaway from everything that has happened, but I know there are probably a lot of questions that people want to ask, I'll try my best to get round to answering all of them.
The original post was removed as I broke one of the rules, my apologies for that- but I'm sure there is a copy of it floating around.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 14,222 | 2022-11-29T16:58:02 | OOP doesn't stop his daughter dating his son's bully | REPOST | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z7zfgq/oop_doesnt_stop_his_daughter_dating_his_sons_bully/ | false | false | [
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z82eio | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/advice93846 in r/relationship_advice**
trigger warnings: >!mentions of suicide, self harm!<
---
&nbsp;
[**My [37M] Son [21M] Slept With My Girlfriend [32], I Don't Know How To Process This Level Of Betrayal**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/98lvk9/trying_my_luck_on_this_sub_my_37m_son_21m_slept/) - 19 August 2018
I apologize in advance if this isn't the most coherent thing in the world, this is partially just me venting to the void. About 4 years ago I lost my wife, the mother of my son, to lung cancer. We had been together since we were 14. It was the darkest time in my life, I had considered suicide on a nearly daily basis. I pushed on for my son, and because my wife made me promise to make the most of life.
We had our son pretty young, I worked two jobs to keep us afloat and thankfully was able to provide a decent upbringing until he moved out at 16, although I still paid (and continued to do so until this happened) a portion of his bills. The loss was extremely hard on my son as well, he came back to stay with me for awhile and we'd work through the grief together every day. I got him into therapy, pushed him to get involved in things to keep his mind busy and when he moved back into his apartment I'd call every night to check on him and visited multiple times a week. We were always extremely close.
My wife told me outright after her diagnosis that she didn't want me alone, so I made myself available. My girlfriend and I met about two years ago and hit it off. She isn't my wife, but I loved her for who she was and we really connected. I was reluctant to introduce her to my son because I was afraid he'd feel I was betraying his mother so I held off for the first year, which I regretted as they ended up getting along very well. We'd hang out together, my son was happy, I was happy. She moved in with me about 5 months ago.
This past Thursday he was over for dinner and movies. We've had this little game since he was a teenager where I'd pop up over his shoulder when he was on his phone in common areas and say "stop looking at that!" in an accusing way to mess with him even though he was never looking at anything. Turns out this time he was doing something and I seen topless photos on his phone. I recognized the photos to be of my girlfriend, same tattoo placement between the breasts. I grabbed the phone from him and he immediately starts pleading his case.
I go into gallery and there are easily two dozen photos of my girlfriend, some of him I'm assuming he sent to her, one or two of them together. By this time he's crying and trying to grab the phone back, I check his texts and he has two weeks worth of conversations with her (under a different name) detailing the fact they've been fucking around behind my back. My girlfriend is in the room begging to know what's going on.
I'm not proud of the fact I lost myself. I screamed at them both, I smashed the phone (yes, I know this is unacceptable, yes I'm in therapy, yes it's the first time I got aggressive with either of them), I demanded details. My son kept apologizing and saying he didn't know why and that it had only started two weeks ago, they slept together 3 times. My girlfriend was sobbing and kept trying to hug me, telling me it was "a mistake", purely physical and that she'd never speak to him again. I screamed at my son that I'd given my life to him, that he knew what this meant to me, that he was all I had left.
I pulled him upstairs and gave him the money for his phone and kicked him out. I went upstairs to our bedroom, turned her drawers upside down and packed her clothes into two travel bags while she kept asking me to listen. I put them outside, guided her through the door and told her she could have someone else get the rest of her belongings this week.
Both of them have been texting me nonstop until last night, at which point I blocked their number. I feel completely detached. The fact that after 2 years my girlfriend, knowing my history, could betray me is painful enough, and absolutely nothing will make me forgive her. She refuses to get her stuff until I talk to her so I'm having a friend drop it off to her. The fact my son, who I dropped everything for, worked non-stop to provide for, who was all I had left in this world could do this to me knowing what it would do is another pain entirely.
It feels like I lost another family member. I ache for my wife all over again. I know everyone processes grief differently but this was two years after her passing, he had a girlfriend and I was there for him (as were therapists) every step of the way, so I have a hard time believing grief is the cause of his decision. I can't see this as a mistake, he didn't trip and fall. It was a conscious choice to betray someone who loved him.
I want to honor my wife by giving my son a chance, to hold on to the little family I have left. But this isn't like he stole money from me, it isn't even something that happened once while drunk. He was there for that grief with me, he knew how hard it was for me to move on. Of all the women, he chose mine. All the apologies or future effort can'r erase that fact or the memory of it. I never did wrong by him, and now I feel like the kid I raised isn't there anymore.
Thanks to friends I'm not drifting into thoughts of self harm again, but I don't know if I have it in me to ever forgive him. If and when that day comes, what steps can I take to process what happened, talk to him without feeling disgust and open the door to trusting him again? And if that day never comes, does that make me a bad person?
**Edit** Some brief clarification since people on the other relationship sub took this and ran with it.
1.) Nothing caused him to move out, he asked and said it'd be cool and I helped pay his bills. No hidden resentment I've ever been aware of.
2.) Yes, popping up over his shoulder sometimes was something we both found funny. No I wasn't actually trying to invade his privacy, yes he was a part of the joke.
3.) Yes I know I was aggressive. I paid for the phone and will be discussing it in therapy.
4.) Yes I know this sounds like something out of a movie, it's not.
**TL;DR**: Lost my wife four years ago, just me and my son ever since. Found out he's sleeping with my girlfriend, feel completely empty inside. Need some sort of comfort or advice on how or if this can ever be fixed between him and I, and if that doesn't happen will I ever feel whole on my own again.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE: My [37M] Son [21M] Slept With My Girlfriend [32], I Don't Know How To Process This Level Of Betrayal**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/99pwu9/update_my_37m_son_21m_slept_with_my_girlfriend_32/) - 23 August 2018
First off, I'd like to thank everyone for the enormous outpouring of support. I've had numerous people offering to their well-wishes privately and such compassion from those who commented. I believe it was this support, as well as that from my friends, that kept me from doing anything stupid. I'll try to keep this as concise and short sentenced as possible.
It's been a busy couple of days, to say the least. I unblocked both their numbers shortly after posting. My now ex called again that night, which I answered. I told her if she wasn't calling to make plans to pick up her stuff I was hanging up, and we decided on the next morning. I called a platonic female friend of mine that night and she agreed to be at my place before my ex showed up as a witness. I had everything packed up and waiting by the door.
She showed up as expected and started crying immediately when I came out with her stuff, trying to pull the bags to the ground so I'd have my hands free for a hug. I put the bags beside her car and asked her to check if I missed anything, which she refused. I agreed to a quick hug, told her to take care and walked inside, my friend pulled the chair she was sitting in on my porch over so it was in front of my door, and told her that she was calling the cops if she didn't leave. She did, and I blocked her number again.
I texted and called my son numerous times, and left a voicemail telling him that we needed to talk, but first he had to come clean to his girlfriend and accept responsibility for his actions. He didn't respond, so I called her myself. We chatted for a while and she told me he was out with a friend. I asked if he had spoken to her about anything recently, and she said no. So I told her myself.
Mostly because I felt it was the right thing to do, as she was a victim in this too, but I'll admit partially because he's a grown man now and needs to deal with the consequences. He showed up to my place that evening, and I let him in. I'm ashamed to say I wasn't nearly as calm as I hoped I'd be. He asked if ruining his relationship made me feel better, and I told him that he ruined it. Pretty much any hope of productive conversation went out the window and it became a screaming match, at which point I told him to get out and figure out how to deal with being as alone as I was. He slapped me in the head.
This is a kid who never even threw a toy out of anger in childhood, who wasn't even spanked. As disgusting and twisted as it is, this exploded into a physical fight with me being struck in the face multiple times while trying to restrain him as I didn't have it in me to hit him, my son very much not being a fighter while in my younger years I very much was, until I took him off his feet and held him to the floor. I've never felt that level of rage before, how incredibly overwhelming it was.
When I seen the fear on his face I let him up and sat beside him on the floor. I told him to get out. He started crying and told me that his mother would be ashamed of him. This made me break down, pathetically so, and realize how fucked up this while thing has been. I agreed that she'd be ashamed of both of us, and we hugged while he cried into my chest, something he hasn't done since my wife passed. He asked if it was too late to talk, and I told him it wasn't.
I cleaned myself up, we sat at the kitchen table and talked. He told me that he'd stopped therapy a while ago and lied about it, because he felt it wasn't helping. He told me that he was hurt when I kept my girlfriend from him the first year, because although he knew it was to prevent him getting attached if it didn't work out, he still felt excluded.
It came out that he hid a very well concealed alcohol problem from me, and even his girlfriend. He told me he didn't sleep with her to spite me, that he was just feeling lost and he made a stupid choice. I asked him why he couldn't have been honest with me before it came to this, and he told me he didn't feel like he could be honest with himself anymore.
We cried together again, prayed together despite neither of us being religious, looked through family photo albums together. We discussed the road forward, and we agreed that the loss we both felt went far deeper than we thought. We decided on attending therapy together, we're going to look into support groups both for his drinking and other families dealing with loss, and now that he's without his girlfriend and I'm aware of the extent of his issues, I agreed to let him move back home with me so I can make sure he attends his appointments and avoids alcohol, and hopefully so we can bond again with the stipulation that any more violence and he's out the door.
He asked me if I can ever forgive him, and I told him honestly that I couldn't, but he's still my son and I love him. And I reminded him of what his mother told him when he was a kid, that everyone messes up, it's what you do afterwards that makes the difference. I'll never forgive what he did, but if he learns from this and becomes a better person then I can forget it and have a great relationship with him regardless.
Aside from the fact my lip resembles the mouth of the vampires from Blade 2 for now which has prompted concern from neighbors and friends, the past two days have been great. We've been talking, we cooked dinner together, we've gone on walks and we're set to start looking into professional help this coming week. He's incredibly apologetic and has a tenderness I haven't seen from him in years. I have no illusions about the amount of work to be done nor how serious this incident was, but I'm feeling very optimistic about the future.
**TL;DR** Ex is out of my life for good. Son was left by his girlfriend, which led to a physical confrontation and an outpouring of honesty. The road ahead looks like it'll be long and full of hurdles, but we both seem committed to each other and getting through it together.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 9,467 | 2022-11-29T18:48:36 | My [37M] Son [21M] Slept With My Girlfriend [32], I Don't Know How To Process This Level Of Betrayal | CONCLUDED | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z82eio/my_37m_son_21m_slept_with_my_girlfriend_32_i_dont/ | false | false | [
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z85z8o | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-29T20:59:31 | Mom had an affair 18 years ago, I [18M] am the product of it. My dad just informed me of all this, and told me he will not pay for my college, while my siblings got their college experience paid by our dad. | REPOST | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z85z8o/mom_had_an_affair_18_years_ago_i_18m_am_the/ | false | false | [
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z863xv | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-29T21:03:50 | AITA OP Has a kid show up in KISS makeup for a family photo and so they take a photo with and without the kid. The comments lambast them for assuming it was a prank and not self-expression. Update reveals it was indeed a prank. Reddit eats crow | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z863xv/aita_op_has_a_kid_show_up_in_kiss_makeup_for_a/ | false | false | [
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z87n89 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-29T22:02:31 | OOP urgently needs fashion help | CONCLUDED | divineOuch | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z87n89/oop_urgently_needs_fashion_help/ | false | false | [
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z880uc | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-29T22:17:27 | I can’t find myself | ONGOING | Tony-12345678 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z880uc/i_cant_find_myself/ | false | false | [
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z89azp | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwawaynocollege01 in r/relationship_advice**
trigger warning: >!death!<
---
&nbsp;
[**Mom had an affair 18 years ago, I [18M] am the product of it. My dad just informed me of all this, and told me he will not pay for my college, while my siblings got their college experience paid by our dad.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ca66sv/mom_had_an_affair_18_years_ago_i_18m_am_the/) - 7 July 2019
Pretty much the title. I have no idea how to process all this, and I am completely unprepared for what lies ahead :(
Both my older brother and sister went to the same college. My brother graduated two years ago, my sister is set to graduate in two years. Both had their college paid by our dad. Dad paid all their college expenses, including rent, food, their cars, pocket money, you name it.
My brother has a job now, his own place, lives together with his fiancee, and has his life together.
My sister already has a good paying job, and my dad still pays for almost everything for her.
I got accepted to the same college, which was always the plan, and was looking forward to talk with my parents about the next steps, and ask them to help me the same they did for my siblings. I always assumed they had money put aside for my college the way they had for my siblings.
Instead I was met with a story about my mom's cheating, how I am the result of her cheating, and how my dad is not willing to support me any more moving forward.
Dad told me that mom had 18 years to let me know and prepare me for the future, but obviously she never did. He said it was never is place to say anything since I am not his son, and didn't want to interfere with mom's parenting.
Apparently my grandparents know I am not dad's biological son, but they haven't bothered to tell me anything either.
My siblings had no idea, and they are as surprised as I am because there was never a hint of anything being off. I might be naive, but I always thought I had a great relationship with my dad. We go to see sports together, we go fishing together, he tutored me when I had difficulties with math (dad is an engineer), he taught me to drive. I never got a hint he stores resentment towards me. I mean, he gave me my name, and has explained what my name means, and he was very proud of it. It's a story he tells from time to time. He likes to talk about stuff like that about me.
My mom has never said a word about anything, and apparently she was supposed to have "the talk" with me, but she never did.
I feel abandoned and unprepared for what lies ahead. I am not even sure I will be able to go to college any more, I always assumed my parents will pay for it. I never had a job, and I am not sure what job I can even get to support me through college, I have no idea how to apply for loans.
All my mom has done is cry and apologize. But nothing of substance, she has no idea how to help me.
I don't even know if I am welcomed home any more, it's all up in the air, I feel shame leaving my room, and if I will be asked to move out I don't know where to go. I don't have any savings, maybe $400 put together.
I am angry at my mom, I am confused about where I stand with my dad. There's a man out there who is my father that never wanted to have anything to do with me. I feel rejected and I have no idea what to do to fix this situation.
Anyone have any idea what to do here?
Do I apologize to my dad? What do I say to him?
Idk, I've been stuck in my room these past few days, reading and browsing reddit. I have no idea what to do.
Edit: Comments are coming in faster than I can reply, but I am making a list with all the advice about financial aid, health insurance, getting my own phone plan, etc, things I didn't even think about before. Thank you everyone.
I will try to answer as much as I can, but there's more comments than I can handle.
**Update:**
Sorry to disappear, nothing bad happened to me.
Managed to talk with my mom yesterday, but I chickened out half way through what I had to say :(
The good news is that I am not being kicked out, or disowned, etc.
Thank you for all your support, everyone, I will follow through and call financial aid at my college in a few hours, and take it from there.
My grandpa had a stroke a week ago, and my dad is helping my grandma with setting up a live in nurse, so he wasn't around yesterday.
I will let you know how I manage.
Thank you again.
**Update 2:**
Sorry for not updating, my grandpa passed away yesterday morning.
Nothing happened to me, but my situation is a secondary concern right now. Regardless, I think I will be alright, thanks to your amazing support and help.
My sister is aware of everything, and told me not to worry, she has my back and I have her support.
I promise to update when and if there are any significant changes, right now I need to support my grandma.
Thank you again to everyone.
**Update 3:**
Hey guys, and update has already been posted. Please don't message me so angrily any more.
&nbsp;
[**[UPDATE] Mom had an affair 18 years ago, I [18M] am the product of it. My dad just informed me of all this, and told me he will not pay for my college, while my siblings got their college experience paid by our dad.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ccpwcu/update_mom_had_an_affair_18_years_ago_i_18m_am/) - 13 July 2019
The reaction to my original post put an uncomfortable amount of pressure on me to write this update.
I am not sure if it's what's you want to hear, but things are more or less back to a "normal" state, if you consider other events.
Unfortunately, my grandpa died at the beginning of this week, and I am still processing it.
I did manage to talk with both my mom and dad, and I know where I now stand in relation with them, as well as my siblings.
I am not sure I would have had the courage to say what I had to say if not for the amount of help and advice in the comments.
I think it is safe to say both my parents love me, and what happened two weeks ago was an overreaction to a fight between my parents. It makes me uncomfortable knowing I am not aware of my own environment, but a stranger in the comments can tell me what's happening in my life with only a few lines of text from my side. A lot of comments were spot on about what is happening in my life.
I have so far went through 40% (I estimate) of the comments, but I have given up, there are too many for me to keep up with.
The conclusion is that I am definitely going to college, it will be the college I have always wanted to go to, and I will have the same experience as my siblings. The money to pay for all this already exists, my family is not going bankrupt as suggested, my dad just had a mental breakup with all the issues around my grandpa and his fight with my mom.
Even if my dad would have went through with his decision, my grandma let me know my grandpa left me and my siblings a sum we will have to split between the three of us, but enough to put me through college.
What started the entire scandal was poor timing on my part, my parents just had a fight, and then I showed up "hey, pay for my college".
My parents were talking about us, their children, and mom said something to the lines of "to think you wanted to split up when I came back pregnant", or something like that, I was not there, this is what she told me. I guess dad was talking how proud he was of his children, and mom wanted to express her "gratitude" for dad raising me as his own, and dad took it as "the affair was the best decision I ever made" or something like that. And their fight escalated from there, and mom told dad something like "what makes you think any of them are yours".
Yeah, it went downhill from there fast. Shortly after that my dumb face showed up, and here I am.
Dad and mom have since made up, mom is still a mess, dad is not handling my grandpa's passing away too well either.
I did talk with my siblings, and my sister raised a storm and rode it here while blasting my parents on the phone, ha ha. My brother was calmer, but made his feelings known in no uncertain terms as well once he got back home.
My grandpa passing away sort of kept spirits calm, I guess, and shifted the focus to dealing with that.
Reading the comments was a mind opening experience. I felt unprepared for the world out there. Many have asked how I had no idea how to apply for loans or grants. Well, in my defense, when you go year after year after year knowing you have nothing to worry about, that your college as good as paid for already, you don't really have to worry about anything else. Of course I knew there are loans and other things students have to be aware of, but it didn't apply to me.
I went from "I am going to college, can't wait" to "you're not my son and I will not pay for your college" in less than 24 hours.
Others have been prepared for this, at the very least they knew they had to get a loan, or get a job, look for a place to live, and so on. For me it was a sudden change in reality.
Going through the comments I managed to put a list together with various "tips and tricks", what jobs are available for students, how to find a place to live, how to get a credit card, a bank account, a cell phone plan, and so on. Really good stuff that I think, even after the return to normal, will help me.
My parents have been called more names then they go by, and that was uncomfortable to read, and I haven't even read all comments. I can't even imagine what else lies in the comments, waiting.
Dad is very sorry, apologetic, about his reaction and behavior. I understand his reaction, but I still feel hurt by it. I understand he was not in the best place of mind, but I can't control my feelings either. We will be alright, and this hasn't irreparably damaged our relationship.
Mom hasn't handled everything that well. But she is coming around, and she answered some more questions for me.
When mom had an affair years ago, and got pregnant with me, my parents started divorce. Mom moved in with the man she had the affair with, but after a few months that guy decided he wants nothing to do with it. He kicked mom out, and she had nowhere to go. So my grandparents took her in, because she was still the mother of their ~~nephews~~ grand kids (I am getting a lot of heat for this "mistake", but know in my family's culture, grandparents call their grand kids nephews as well). Mom and dad got back together, after a lot of work, dad took me as his own, and that's my life since then.
The man who is my natural father is not in the picture any more. Dad didn't really know who he is, and mom hasn't heard or seen him ever since. He was fully aware mom was pregnant with his child, I guess he had more important things to do. But it doesn't sound like he was about to cure world hunger, she met him in a bar, not at a fund raiser.
And I don't feel a need to know any more about who he is. I thought about the matter the last two weeks, since I've been aware of everything, and haven't really felt a desire to know who he is, where he is, if he is still alive, if I have other siblings out there.
I was suggested to go and buy a DNA kit from 23andme, maybe I can find him that way, but I think I will avoid doing this specifically so I don't find him or he finds me. As far as I care, I have a mom and dad and a brother and a sister, and that's my family.
Moving forward I do plan of getting a job, and becoming more independent, but not in an attempt to distance myself from my family, but to feel like I would not be lost in the world if my family suddenly disappears.
My mom admits I've been babied way more than my siblings, and that they should have prepared me more for what's coming next.
I did learn where I stand with my family, and it's safe to say that I am loved, and I have options. I thought I am isolated, but my world is wider than I thought. Grandparents, siblings, my aunt, my cousins, all have my back.
I think my parents are human, and they make mistakes, and even though this was not their greatest moment, I think I will look at everything as nothing more than a weak moment in an otherwise wonderful relationship.
Thank you.
Edit: in my family's cultural background, grandparents call their grand kids nephews as well. Stop calling me names, it was not a mistake, please.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 20,265 | 2022-11-29T23:06:01 | Mom had an affair 18 years ago, I [18M] am the product of it. My dad just informed me of all this, and told me he will not pay for my college, while my siblings got their college experience paid by our dad. | REPOST | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z89azp/mom_had_an_affair_18_years_ago_i_18m_am_the/ | false | false | [
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z8bxzd | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/roby_rod in /r/offmychest**
trigger warnings: >!abandonment!<
mood spoilers: >!good outcome!<
---
&nbsp;
*First thread, 16 days ago, from this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/yvhe6p/10_years_ago_my_girlfriend_abandoned_me_and_our_5/) (now removed).*
My story begins 16 years ago, when I met Lucy. She was an amazing girl, inteligent, beautiful, fancy, funny, just the greatest girl I ever met. I felt so lucky when we start dating. And after a year into the relationship, we had a baby. I was living the dream, living with my girlfriend, raising our little daughter, being a happy family. I loved Lucy so much, and after some years, we were finally getting married.
Our daughter was the most excited one about the wedding, she was going to be the flower's girl. Everything seemed to be perfect. Until, one day, when I was heading back home, a guy wanted to talk with me. At first I believed he may want to sell me something, until he mentioned Lucy. Politely, he asked me to talk in a private place. He then asked me to please, stop everything about the wedding and step back, because he and Lucy wanted to be together. I didnt believed him, until he started to tell me a lot of details about her that would be imposible to know.
I returned home as fast as I could, I didnt wanted this to be truth, and told her about it, hopping all was a mistake. But, no, it wasnt. The next hour she told me everything. She has been cheating on me from the last 2 years. She told me about how all the times she said she loved me, that she wanted us to be together and she loved our family, were all lies. How her new man was younger, stronger, handsome and better lover. She said that she didnt wanted to be tied to me, how she lost her freedom for being a mother and she didnt wanted to be a wife, that she wanted her freedom back. The final stab was when she said she was happy that I finally knew, and now she was able to leave.
I cried, begged, humilliate myself and got on my knees, asking for another chance, to try fix our relationship, but she didnt wanted, she wanted the thrill and excitement that this new guy make her feel. By the next day, she left us.
I felt broken, humilliate, emasculated. But my daughter needed me. She was heartbroken, her mother left, and she believed it was her fault (she heard when Lucy said she didnt wanted to be a mother anymore), she needed me, and I needed to be strong for her. Fortunately we had help, my family and Lucy's family supported us in any way posible, her parents were so ashamed for their daughter's actions that they couldnt look me to the face without apologize for everything she did. I will be in debt with everyone forever for all their help.
Fast forward, 10 years later. After lots of time and therapy, my daughter and I are living happy. She is the light of my life. A beautiful 15 years old lady who I love. Our wounds are healed and we have a very good life.
But then, she came back. When me and my daughter were getting back home, we found Lucy in front of our appartment, waiting for us, wanting to talk.
I recognize her inmediatly, and I would like to say that I did something cool, like ignoring her, asking her to leave, or ar least be hostile with her. But no. Im and idiot, my heart skip a beat in the moment I saw her. She still was beautiful as before, but somehow, she looked even better, maybe the age make her look mature and elegant, maybe the dress, or the make up, I dont know, but I let her in, while our daughter gave us some space and went to her room.
She told me everything she did since she left. Basically, she lived with that guy for some years. She said how much she enjoyed it, all the fun she got and how she believed those were the best years of her life, until she noticed that the excitement of that new relationship was fading slowly, in some point, she started to cheat on that guy too. Acording to her, she wanted to feel alive and excited.
Eventually, that relationship ended, and she started dating other guys. Every relationship became shorter than the previous one, until she only had casual hookups. She also said, that sometimes, she thougth about us, our family, bit she said she was too proud to admit she made a mistake, until last year. She got covid and it hit her really hard, yo the point that she believed she would die, and realized how alone she was, how stupid she was, and the mistake she made so long ago.
After all of that, she said she regreted everything she did and said, and now she was ready to marry me, and be the family we always meant to be.
When she was done I asked her to leave, to give me some time to think. She accepted, saying she would be back the next day. For years I dreamed about her coming back, and now it was happening. But it just felt wrong. Since then, she visit almost daily, wanting to talk about the best years of our relationship, and how we could be a happy family again.
I asked for help. To my family, to my friends. Most of them said I would be making the worst mistake of my life if I take her back. Others said that I could give her a chance. It took me a lot to heal, and some more time to start making new relationships, and I would be risking everything.
One night, my daughter and I had a deep conversation about all this. I always try to involve her in every part of our life, and this issue concerned her too, because is her mother. Sometimes she surprise me being so wise and mature, because she told me "can you really love someone that hurted us so much?". And that was everything I needed. I would never forgive myself if I let her hurt my daughter again. And I said that to Lucy.
If she want to be around, or have a relationship with our daughter, Im ok with it (only if my daughter want it), but I told her we are not getting back. Lucy only said that she would make me fall in love with her again, and that she would not give up.
*[Top Comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/yvhe6p/10_years_ago_my_girlfriend_abandoned_me_and_our_5/iweoj78/):*
> She had the "best years of her life" without you and your daughter. To me that says everything. There's no regret there.
>Be proud of yourself, you put in the hard work and raised an amazing daughter.
> Find someone worthy of that. Your ex ain't it.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE: 10 years ago, my girlfriend abandoned me and our 5 year old daughter, now she wants her family back**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/z1z20x/update_10_years_ago_my_girlfriend_abandoned_me/) - 23/11/2022
I didnt expect so many answer, so, thanks to everyone for your answers and advices. Thanks to the ones who made me open my eyes and help me to realize I still having issues with my ex and Im not over with her, and over all, to the ones who pointed the risk of hurting my daughter that is letting her back in our lifes. I can recognize my weakness, but Im not letting her to hurt my baby again. So dont worry, Im not getting back with her.
Since the post, she had been insisting on meeting, she wanted to talk. I decided to have one last talk with her and setting my boundaries. We met in a public place. The talk was long and hard, I wanted her to be honest, amd I told her the moment I caugth a lie I was leaving. I asked if she was really sorry, or are we her last option? Did she really love us, or are we just a consolation prize? Did she came back for love, or because she was unable to find another man anymore? She was unable to answer any of that. She only said things like "it's not like that" "you need to understand me" "Im not like this anymore".
She kept insisting on giving her another chance, that we can love each other again, that we could be together, she never even mentioned our daughter in any moment, only after I pointed it, she started to mention her. When I tried to settle that we were over, she grabbed my hand and (as some of you told me she would do) she tried to seduce me, pulling down her blouse, showing me her cleavage, and saying we can find a room, so I can do whatever I wanted with her, that she wouldnt say no to anything, to compensate me.
I didnt recognize that woman. She wasnt the amazing girl I met, she wasnt the mother of my daughter, I didnt know who that woman was, but she wasnt my Lucy.
I said her to let me go, that we were over. Neither I or my daughter wanted anything with her, so please, leave us alone, we were living a good life without her. She then went mad, saying I couldnt left her, that it wasnt my choice, that she doesnt have anything else. That I cant take away HER daughter.
I still dont know why, but that last sentence triggered me. (The next are not my exact words, but are close of what I said on that moment)
"Your daughter? YOUR daughter? You are not her mother. You only gave birth to her, but you are not her mother. Tell me, where you were when she was sick? Where you were when she had fever? When she was scared on the night? When her first teeth fell? When she cried on the nights because she missed her mom? Where you were on her first day of school? When she had her first period? When she had her first boyfriend? When her heart broke for the second time? Because the first one who broke her heart was her mother. Wich dick were you riding when she needed a mom? You have no rigth to claim you are her mother, because you never acted like that."
She tried to reply, but I saw how she was unable to find the words. I left her. Back at home, she send me some texts, asking for another meeting, for another chance, that she loves me and she can change, but Im done. You all were rigth, she doesnt love me or our daughter at all, she only loves herself, having her on my life would be bad, toxic, I dont need that. I dont need her.
My daughter and I are going back to therapy soon. Some of you were rigth, I need to work on myself, be stronger, and get over those feelings for her, because they're not real, just a memorie of what I thougth she was.
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 12,240 | 2022-11-30T00:48:24 | 10 years ago, my girlfriend abandoned me and our 5 year old daughter, now she wants her family back | CONCLUDED | Willuknight | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z8bxzd/10_years_ago_my_girlfriend_abandoned_me_and_our_5/ | false | false | [
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z8lmu3 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-30T08:05:11 | My boyfriend is so fucking lazy | REPOST | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z8lmu3/my_boyfriend_is_so_fucking_lazy/ | false | false | [
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z8oq0m | \*\*I am NOT OP. Original post by /u/janeohmy in r/relationship_advice
&#x200B;
trigger warnings: >!Domestic Abuse!<
&#x200B;
mood spoilers: >!Hopeful!<
&#x200B;
\---
&#x200B;
\&nbsp;
&#x200B;
\[I (29F) think my SO (30M) is poisoning me, but I am not sure and I don't know what to do\]([https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/wiftk1/i\_29f\_think\_my\_so\_30m\_is\_poisoning\_me\_but\_i\_am](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/wiftk1/i_29f_think_my_so_30m_is_poisoning_me_but_i_am)) - August 07 2022
&#x200B;
Background:
&#x200B;
I am a generally fit, active, and healthy 29F who gets sick only maybe once a year (and lasts at most 2 days before I'm back on my feet). I've been with my SO (30M) for over a year now and we haven't had any major fights at all.
&#x200B;
However, starting 5 months ago or so, my SO has been sending me food that either he or his family has prepared, and also various supplements, which I take from time to time. And call me crazy, but I've noticed my health start to decline. I'm less able to work out and I've gotten sick frequently. Note that I've been cooking and eating my own food all this time (I don't eat deliveries or whatnot) and have not fallen sick at all. Also note that he and his fam can cook. This isn't one those amateurish cooking food poisoning kind of thing.
&#x200B;
My SO has access to both hospital supplies and agricultural supplies. His fam has versatile professions.
&#x200B;
I've taken a stool test one time I got sick but that came back normal, so I thought that I might just be overthinking it. I have absolutely no way of knowing for sure.
&#x200B;
Nonetheless, I have gotten sick again, and I ordered some delivery. The next day, I felt much better. However, my SO brought over some more food the next day, which I ate. And, lo and behold, I got a bit sicker the next day!
&#x200B;
As for the motive, I do not know at all. I'm not parasitic and shower them with gifts regularly to acknowledge and reciprocate their goodwill. I'm keeping them from finding out my suspicions but yeah.
&#x200B;
How should I proceed?
&#x200B;
tl;dr I think I'm being poisoned by my SO as I've started feeling progressively sicker ever since he started bringing me food and supplements.
&#x200B;
EDIT: No, I do not have food intolerance of food allergies. The food he brings are standard dishes I have eaten from other sources in the past
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
\[UPDATE: I (29F) think my SO (30M) is poisoning me, but I am not sure and I don't know what to do\]([https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/yzo1fp/update\_i\_29f\_think\_my\_so\_30m\_is\_poisoning\_me\_but/](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/yzo1fp/update_i_29f_think_my_so_30m_is_poisoning_me_but/)) - November 20 2022
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
\&nbsp;
&#x200B;
Original context: In the past, I asked what I can do with the relationship if I had a nagging sense that either my SO or his family was poisoning me. The reason for this nagging sense was that I consistently experienced two episodes of food poisoning symptoms that progressed 100% exactly the same way. Chills, headaches, and becoming bedridden, all 3-4 days after consuming the food.
&#x200B;
Some Redditors said that maybe I needed to get help, to see a psychologist or a psychiatrist, or to get therapy. That it was all in my mind. I am well-familiar with Reddit's (or the Internet overall) misogyny, but I gave everything the benefit of the doubt. My personality just makes me this way.
&#x200B;
Some Redditors even commented that this much be fake or that I must be trolling. My post was then locked down and I couldn't reply anymore.
&#x200B;
More helpful Redditors told me to simply not eat the food prepared for me. Sure, except it does nothing for the relationship aspect.
&#x200B;
Update: After several months, my ex finally admitted to it.
&#x200B;
The way I found out was when I confronted my ex outright. Although he tried deflecting and gaslighting at the start, I firmly kept pressing and he finally admitted to it.
&#x200B;
It turns out that his mother had been lacing the food with some chemical compound from their farm. From the original post, his mother one day started packing food for me. And I started getting sick.
&#x200B;
At first, I thought it was covid. However, when I went to see the doctor, he said outright that what I had was not covid. Furthermore, tests concluded I in fact did not have covid. Then I got sick again, and the progression of the sickness went exactly the same way. Exactly the same. The symptoms and the duration. By this time, I definitely felt something was up.
&#x200B;
After days of just throwing the food prepared for me, and not getting sick ever again, when my ex came over, I finally confronted him. As usual, he tried to weasel his way out, but I put my foot down.
&#x200B;
He admitted that his mother did not like me. That she thought I was taking him away from her.
&#x200B;
The conversation went something like this:
&#x200B;
Me: What? Take you away from her? Wtf does that even mean??
&#x200B;
Him: I dunno.
&#x200B;
Me: But her conclusion is to poison me??
&#x200B;
My ex just turned and looked away, and stopped making eye contact. I felt a nagging sense that something wasn't right and didn't make much sense.
&#x200B;
Me: So why did you say anything all this time?
&#x200B;
Him: I told her to stop...
&#x200B;
Me: And how do we know she stopped?
&#x200B;
At this point, he was shocked. His shock shocked me. Something was definitely wrong.
&#x200B;
Me: I stopped eating the food you guys have been preparing for me and just threw them out instead. I haven't had any problems since.
&#x200B;
He didn't say anything.
&#x200B;
Me: But why? Why all this? You knew!
&#x200B;
Actually at this point, I just wanted everything to be done with. But I knew I had to keep pressing to get the answers I wanted to find closure.
&#x200B;
After a while, he finally admitted.
&#x200B;
HE WAS THE ONE WHO WANTED IT. He wanted a way out of the relationship. He had started casually conversing with another woman and said that he maybe wanted to be with her. His conclusion was to have his mom prepare food and lace them with chemicals from the farm. What the fuck was I hearing?
&#x200B;
Me: So why need to poison me? Why not just tell me??
&#x200B;
He thought that if I was sick long enough, he would find an excuse to say the relationship wasn't working. What the actual fuck? At this point, it went without saying that I was beyond just upset. This was a fucking crime being admitted to!
&#x200B;
He also said he never thought I would be that sick. But that I would just be lethargic and felt overwhelmed. He expected me to break up with him too. Well, that I did anyway, motherfucker!
&#x200B;
He pleaded with me to not call the cops on him or his mother. I said I'll think about it and made him leave my place. The audacity of this fucker!
&#x200B;
I have since broken up with him and moved on with my life. Fuck that asshole.
&#x200B;
Tl;dr: Had nagging sense something was wrong. Was proven right by not avoiding but rather confronting the person in question.
&#x200B;
\*\*Reminder - I am not the original poster.\*\* | 10,561 | 2022-11-30T11:05:53 | I (29F) think my SO (30M) is poisoning me, but I am not sure and I don't know what to do | CONCLUDED | PIge | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z8oq0m/i_29f_think_my_so_30m_is_poisoning_me_but_i_am/ | false | false | [
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z8yy22 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-30T18:27:55 | I (37M) have a biological child who I've never seen (17F) wanting to make contact which I don't want but my family does. What should I do here? | INCONCLUSIVE | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z8yy22/i_37m_have_a_biological_child_who_ive_never_seen/ | false | false | [
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z8zguo | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/ayudayudaydua in r/TrueOffMyChest**
trigger warnings: >!none!<
mood spoilers: >!sweet!<
---
&nbsp;
[**I’m finding out my girlfriend of 1 year is deaf as I’m on the bus on my way to see her for the first time.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yr61v8/im_finding_out_my_girlfriend_of_1_year_is_deaf_as/) - 10th November 2022
Holy shit I’m trembling, still 6 hours until I make it. I need to let it out somewhere
I (f20) met her (f21) in a match of LoL two years ago. We talked a lot, became really close and basically started dating one year ago.
We send each other pictures all the time and videos as well so I never understood her apprehension to facetime me. We tell each other everything, I mean EVERYTHING. She’s presented me her parents and I know all her family.
Today I was gonna surprise her by visiting for the first time. I talked with her sister to make sure it was ok. Less than 30 mins ago I get a text from her (and im copypasting a translated version) :
“Hey love you are so sweet and beautiful and you deserve so much better. I know you are coming because S told me. I’m sorry to ruin your surprise is just I’d hate to see your face when you find out. I know we promised to always be truthful but I’ve been lying to you all this time. “
That was her first paragraph and I was shitting myself cause I thought she was breaking up with me, but then she continued:
“You are too caring to ask why I never speak, why I never sent you a voice note. You are just too perfect and there’s no way you’d be with me if you knew. The reason is very simple, I was born deaf. I’m sorry you have to find out this way. I’m just a coward for not telling you sooner. I’ll understand if you don’t wanna be with me anymore”
Holy fuck I was expecting something totally different and now I’m scared cause I’ve never interacted with a deaf person and I want to make sure she gets that I love her either way. I’m still in disbelief that she thought it’d a deal breaker for me.
La concha de la lora I’m scared and needed to let it all out. Sorry for the long text
Edit: thank you so much for your support guys. I made another post explaining everything. Have an amazing day!
&nbsp;
[**Update: I'm finding out my girlfriend of 1 year is deaf as I'm on the bus on my way to see her for the first time.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yrwi35/update_im_finding_out_my_girlfriend_of_1_year_is/) - 11th November 2022
‘Holy shit’ that’s how I would describe my whole experience. I’m back in my house now and I’m still processing everything that happened.
I texted her I was outside and my hands were shaking. I had no idea what to do (i asked her if she can lipread and she said very little). When she opened the door her eyes were already wet and when she saw me she broke down crying, and I started crying as well. I stopped thinking and just hugged her. I started speaking soothing words until I realized it was useless:/
After we both calmed down we went to her room and started typing in our cellphones to talk to each other. At the beginning it was kinda awkward but after a while it was pretty chill:) We cuddled a lot, watched a lot of movies and kissed a lot. It was a really beautiful day.
There were some fuck ups from my side…out of the blue I’d start speaking to her until I saw her confused face. I called her by her name when I was searching from her and tried to show her funny tiktoks(the funny part being the audio yeah im stupid I know)
But overall it was an amazing day. She is more perfect than I could ever imagine. Thank you for all the words of support in the other post! I appreciate you guys:)
Edit: thank you so much for the kind words, when i posted it never expected to get so many comments. I’m grateful for all your suggestions and tips but maybe it’s important to mention that we speak spanish… And as far as I understand asl is not the same in spanish so I have a lot of work to do :D Have a great night!
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 11,943 | 2022-11-30T18:46:27 | OOP finds out her girlfriend of 1 year is deaf as she's on the bus on my way to see her for the first time. | CONCLUDED | kattscallion | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z8zguo/oop_finds_out_her_girlfriend_of_1_year_is_deaf_as/ | false | false | [
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z8ziqp | **I am NOT OP. [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/90yw9j/insurance_company_say_theyre_not_paying_out_as_my/) by u/Manclandlordhelp in r/legaladvice**
trigger warnings: >!General disregard for fellow humans!<
mood spoilers: >!Hopeful!<
---
&nbsp;
**Insurance company say they're not paying out as my dads time of death is in dispute** - Jul 22 2018
In my dad's place of work they have insurance that covers a scenario where if the employee dies whilst having a child under the age of 18 then that child will receive £100k and the remaining balance of the mortgage paid off so the child and his mother can live in the property free of any mortgage.
My dad died in January this year, the time of death was documented to be at 10:58 PM. I would have been turning 18 just an hour and 2 minutes later. So when my dad officially passed I was under 18 and was eligible for the financial assistance package above. Or so I thought.
After putting in the claim via his employer my mother was told to get a death certificate, my birth certificate and a final balance on the mortgage from Lloyds and send it directly to the insurance.
2 weeks passed before we got a response from the insurance saying they're passing all the information on to their medical underwriters for a second opinion and have requested my dad's medical records. A whole month later they told us that they were seeking expert opinion from "multiple medical 3rd parties" and had put the claim on hold.
Today almost 4 months on from the last letter from the insurance we received huge 235 page report via courier which in short says that the insurance would not be paying out any money as my dads time of death is disputed and that he could have had a heart rhythm for at least 2 hours after his death. The insurance says the claim is only valid if the patient is asystole and as there's no proof of that it's conceivable that my dad lived beyond my 18th birthday.
Me and my mum don't really understand all the jargon in these documents and simple Google searches aren't really helping as I haven't been able to find anything like this ever happening.
What can we do here? Are there lawyers who can help us with this?
&nbsp;
_____________________________________________________
Relative comment u/phoenix25:
> As a medic, you can be dead and not be in asystole (flatlined). All the ECG shows is electrical activity in the heart, not whether the pump is actually mechanically pumping. There are many people who have pulseless electrical activity in the heart for some time after death... this does not mean they are alive.
>
> Unless your hospitals are very different than the ones here, your father would not have been hooked up to an ECG for two hours post mortum. He would have been brought elsewhere quickly to clear the room for the next emergency. The insurance company has no proof that he had electrical activity in the heart (although, the opposite is true for you not having proof he didn’t).
>
> The mental gymnastics of this policy are astounding. By this logic, anyone with a pacemaker is basically immortal. The batteries last like 20 years, and keep firing even if the heart is too dead to respond.
>
> My point is: challenge this. Your insurance company are not medical professionals, and will be rebuked quickly by anyone with an ounce of medical knowledge.
&nbsp;
u/Cavannah in response to a different comment basically saying the insurance company is bullshitting:
> Exactly.
>
> The opinions of outside medical consultants who hypothesize that he may have had a heartbeat 62 minutes later is irrelevant in the face of an actual supervising medical professional who indisputably declared him legally dead.
>
> The insurance company cannot have it both ways. Either the medical professional who declared him dead is completely incorrect and thus both incompetent and derelict in his/her duties, or the insurance company is in the wrong with their postulation that they hold above objective fact without proof.
>
> The burden of proof is on them to both disprove the medical fact that he was dead 62 minutes prior to the termination of his contract with the company and simultaneously prove their claim that he was alive after his stated time of death. Something that they cannot do.
>
> Report them to supervising insurance company boards and regulatory agencies. Obviously lawyer up. Take them to court and bleed them dry.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/91bdwh/an_update_to_the_thread_i_posted_yesterday_about/) - Jul 23 2018
I just want to say a massive thank you to everyone who took time out of their day to offer their advice on what is a very distressing time for me and my mother. Things have been tough for us lately and getting all that paperwork yesterday really pushed my mother over the edge.
I just want to say a huge thank you to the user who first sent me a PM with his mobile number and spent 4 hours that night in the phone with me and my mum going through each page of the documents telling us what they meant in layman's terms. I'm so sorry that I don't know your username... I haven't been able to find it with all the messages I've received but it sounded like official plus or something. If you could please PM me again me and my mum want to send you a little gift.
We are speaking to a number of solicitors in my area and further away about what the insurance company are doing. The vast majority say they don't deal with this type of thing as it's complex but the 2 solicitors that said they might take it on have both taken a copy of all the correspondence from the insurance and us and are going to get back to us tomorrow if they'll take the case so fingers crossed for that!
I know that this isn't much of an update but more of a thank you to everyone on here and reddit as a whole. I'll give a final update when this is all over!
So once again thank you all so so much.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.**
OOP hasn't posted again in 4 years, I choose to believe that means it was resolved in their favor. | 5,130 | 2022-11-30T18:48:16 | Insurance company won't pay out because man declared dead at 10:58pm may have still had a heartbeat at midnight. | INCONCLUSIVE | takeabreaker | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z8ziqp/insurance_company_wont_pay_out_because_man/ | false | false | [
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z90qtq | **I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/ThrowRADumbQ12902 \+ u/ThrowRAQ1932012 **in** r/relationship_advice
[**I accidentally found out my (28M) fiancee (27F) has been creating erotic fan art/fiction for years. I am not judging but when I mentioned it to her, she became furious (I have never seen her so upset). I am really confused.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/g86svn/i_accidentally_found_out_my_28m_fiancee_27f_has/) \- 26th April 2020
Me and my fiancée have been together for 6 years now. I love her dearly.
My fiancée has always been huge into drawing in her free time, frankly she is really good at what she does. She has shown me a bunch of stuff in the past and if i recall she always posted it to her deviant art most it is of video game characters. Some of her art work is suggestive.
Yesterday I was talking to a coworker about video games, and I remembered my fiancée did some art for one of the games we were talking about. So I decided try to go and find it. Being lazy I decided to punch in her username into google hoping to find her deviant art.
Except I had a lot more stuff come up. Google showed a bunch of pictures I guess you could call them the NSFW version of art she has done. I ended up clicking on them and being sent to my fiancée's hentai foundry profile.
I just kind of shrugged and didn't care, however in the google search results, I also noticed a link to a Archive of Our Own story with her username. This got me kind of curious so I decided to take a peek expecting it to be just old fan fiction stuff she wrote ages ago. There was a lot of stuff, including recent stuff in her profile. Most of it was I guess what you would call erotic fan fiction.
At this point I found it funny, and when she got home on Friday night I offhandedly mentioned what happened, and how I found it humorous.
She got very very upset at me, and started acting like I caught her cheating or something. I told her several times I am not kink shaming, etc. She told me I violated her privacy and broke our trust. She said that stuff had nothing to do with me and I had no business "snooping". I tried my best to calm her down but she was visibly upset last night.
All of today she has been very upset, to the point where she said she needed to spend some time at her sisters. I have apologized, and told her it was an accident and I have told her several times that I am not being judgmental about what she draws. However she is still very upset.
At this point I am at a loss for what to do.
TL;DR; I found my fiancée has been drawing erotic fan art and writing erotic fan fiction accidentally. She is furious at me. What should I do?
[Top Comment](https://old.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/g86svn/i_accidentally_found_out_my_28m_fiancee_27f_has/fomefd8/) \- by u/WHISPEY
&#x200B;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/gcez2h/update_i_accidentally_found_out_my_28m_fiancee/) \- 3rd May 2020
Doing this on a new throwaway because I cannot remember the password to my original throwaway account.
She came back after I sent a large apology message, apologizing for laughing at her fan fiction and it was not done out of malice and more out of awkwardness.
We had a long talk about it, I explained I wasn't that comfortable with her keeping such a large amount of her life secret/hidden from me. She also admitted that often times when she was saying she was working late in our home office what she actually meant was she was writing/drawing stuff and just wanted to be left alone.
I told her I had no problem with her hobbies, which made her happy. She also told me that she is so embarrassed because a bunch of it is self inserts of her, and some of it would make me unhappy reading it.
I asked her to show me, and she eventually agreed. I read some of it and it didn't bother me at all, (imo to me fantasizing about fictional characters isn't a huge deal as it is simply a fantasy and not real). I asked if some of the things she writes are things that turns her on, and I told her I am willing to try anything at least once.
Yesterday night she actually sat down next to me, and started writing while I was next to her on the couch, and she didn't seem embarrassed at all anymore. So I guess this is good.
Thank you for your help.
TL;DR; Me and my Fiancée were able to work things out, and she isn't so embarrassed anymore about it, and is willing to share with me. Thanks for the advice!
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 10,664 | 2022-11-30T19:31:51 | I accidentally found out my fiancée has been creating erotic fan art/fiction for years. I am not judging but when I mentioned it to her, she became furious. I am really confused. | REPOST | raredontstare | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z90qtq/i_accidentally_found_out_my_fiancée_has_been/ | false | false | [
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z92mbr | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/playfulfood in r/relationship_advice**
---
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[**Dad left us and a decade later wants to reconcile because he has cancer. Am I wrong to be angry?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ax9pfk/dad_left_us_and_a_decade_later_wants_to_reconcile/) - 4 March 2019
My dad left us and started a new family when I was 14. This had a profound impact on myself and my family. Life as a child of a single parent was hard as you can imagine. The government benefits was hardly enough to support 3 kids. We lived below the poverty line. My mom became an alcoholic.
I started working as soon as I legally could to help with the finances. I sacrificed my childhood so that there was electricity and gas in the house. I started failing at school and paid out of my own pocket to hire a tutor. I went to university locally even though I had better offers elsewhere. I have a good and stable career now. My family lives with me but I feel they are not respecting me.
Recently my dad got in touch with my younger sister through Facebook. She met up with him and brought him back to my home. He didn't apologize for the pain he put me through. He made it all about himself and tried to gain sympathy with his plight. Am I the asshole for not caring and not wanting him in my life. I told him to leave. My mother and sister tried to defend him. We got into an argument and I threatened to evict my own family.
We have not talked for days and my home has become hostile. What should I do?
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[**[Update] Dad left us and a decade later wants to reconcile because he has cancer. Am I wrong to be angry?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/axkv7v/update_dad_left_us_and_a_decade_later_wants_to/) - 5 March 2019
You guys are right. I can't force my family to accept my views of no contact with my father. I resent this man so much. I can't stand the sight of him.
After I posted yesterday, I was "invited" to have dinner with my family. To no one's surprise, my dad and his new family where there. I picked out the two most expensive dishes on the menu and we had a chat. I heard his thoughts on the matter of being an absent father but I didn't bring up any of our hardships. My mother and sister made more attempts to make me forgive him.
I did, I forgave him but that doesn't mean I need to have a relationship with him anymore. Again, my family protested that I'm being cruel and heartless. I'm not, many people survive cancer and his lung cancer is in the early stages. I told them I would not be present at any family events if he was there.
My sister shouted at me claiming "He is our dad. You asshole". Yes he is, to which I replied that he needs to take over his responsibilities as a father. I told them I had cancelled the tenancy on the house and we need to move out by end of this month. My sisters need to return the iPhone's that are on contract as I am cancelling those.
Driving lessons will be cancelled, gym membership will be cancelled, subscription services will be cancelled and everything else that I pay for. These are dad's responsibilities now. Ate my dinner and left them the with bill as a little act of petty revenge.
I have been staying with my girlfriend and have not answered any texts and calls from them. I need a break.
I'm done. I'm done taking over dad's role. I'm done with the financial responsibilities or acting as the parent. I'm 25 and I need to live my own life now. I don't think this will burn bridges. It's just a wake up call for them.
Edit: I'm not going to ghost or abandon them. They need to become independent now.
Edit: I'm reading all the comments. I know I have acted like a jerk. I just need some time to collect my thoughts. I might update later.
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**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 7,866 | 2022-11-30T20:43:02 | Dad left us and a decade later wants to reconcile because he has cancer. Am I wrong to be angry? | INCONCLUSIVE | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z92mbr/dad_left_us_and_a_decade_later_wants_to_reconcile/ | false | false | [
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z943g6 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-30T21:37:44 | I am OOP. I have an update to a post that was met with a lot of hatred. AITA for not rushing my dog to the animal hospital under these circumstances? | INCONCLUSIVE | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z943g6/i_am_oop_i_have_an_update_to_a_post_that_was_met/ | false | false | [
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z962ge | [removed] | 1 | 2022-11-30T22:49:53 | OP considers taking employer to court | CONCLUDED | nonbinary_parent | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z962ge/op_considers_taking_employer_to_court/ | false | false | [
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z967pj | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwra-194802 in r/relationship_advice**
trigger warning: >!potential grooming!<
---
&nbsp;
[**I walked in on my son having sex with my brother's wife**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hqhhan/i_walked_in_on_my_son_haveng_sex_with_my_brothers/) - 13 July 2020
I (44F) walked in on my son (18M) having sex with my sister in law (34F)(brothers wife) in a cabin and I think they have been having sex for a while.
My brother(37M) moved in with us in February with his wife and 2 children, my husband(44M) and I have big house on a farm (my husband is a farmer) and with everyone working from home we thaught it would be a good chance to stay together as family and for my nieces to spend time on the farm. I have 3 children and all of them live with us the oldest is 18M and the other two are 16F and 13F.
On the day my brother arrived I went to buy groceries with my son and he went to the pharmacy to get his gym supplements and I baught the food. I saw condoms in my sons plastic bag when we arrived at the house two packs with 36 condoms each so 72 in total( didn't think anything of it thaught he had gotten a GF and wanted to be safe). Everything was fine every one got along my SIL and son would go on an early run around the farm everything seemed normal until last month when they left on their run but I was up baking and I never saw them make any rounds around the farm which was weird, I asked about it and they said they decided to hit the road (i thaught nothing of this everything seemed normal). My SIL and son seemed to have a very good bond.
Yesterday I was coming from a friend's house early in the morning the Sun wasn't up yet and it was little dark but I saw that the cabin we have in the farm was open and the light was on (I thaught maybe one of the employees had forgotten to lock up), so I went to close the door and switch off the light as I got closer I heard people having sex and I took a peak and it was my son and SIL having sex, I didn't confront them I was so in shock.
I still haven't told anyone what I saw and I don't know what to do, should I confront them, should I tell my brother, should I tell my husband I'm so confused. I've been doing a lot of thinking and I'm sure they have been having sex for a while from the condoms (my son was always at the house never brought a GF), the morning runs around the farm( do they really go on a run or do they have sex), the close relationship.
&nbsp;
[**[Update] I walked in on my son having sex with my brother's wife**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hrrf21/update_i_walked_in_on_my_son_having_sex_with_my/) - 15 July 2020
I first want to thank everyone for all the advice I got from my original post, im sorry for not replying to any comments, (I think I only replied to one comment) my head was all over the place. I'll try to keep this update short.
As was suggested by many of the comments I decided to tell my husband first and proceed from there, my husband lost it(he first thaught it was a joke). We talked about the issue and we decided we should first talk to our son before telling my brother.
We confronted our son with what I saw, he already knew what was going on as he saw my reddit post and put 2 and 2 together, he didn't deny anything he confessed, he told us him and SIL have been having sex since February last year( he was 17 at the time). My son said it started on SIL's birthday party he attended they got drunk and had sex in a bathroom and they have been meeting at hotels ever since and sneaking off at family gatherings.
After my son's confession my husband just lost it and told my son to leave the house and go and to our condo in town as he didn't want to see him in front of him at this moment. When my son was gone my husband stormed into my brother's room and told my brother everything( SIL was not in the house at that moment).
My brother lost it and packed his stuff took the kids and left, he asked where my son had gone he said he wanted to teach him lesson, we didn't tell him and he eventually left. SIL didn't return I think my brother might have called her or my son warned her and she is afraid to come back(her things are still in the house).
In all the screaming and shouting my daughter's heard everything and are devastated that their family might be ruined they miss their brother and are afraid my husband won't ever let him in the house again.( my husband hates all forms of infidelity to the core and has always drilled this in our 2 eldest children that they must never cheat on anyone or be in a relationship with someone in a relationship)
I know I did nothing wrong in this but how will I ever look my brother in the eye again, he won't answer and calls or text my husband said i should give him time to heal. My son has left the condo because he is afraid of what my brother will do to him and is now hiding at a friend's and he won't tell us which friend. No word on SIL.
INFO: SIL was the one who initiated sex the first time my son and her slept together, she was the one booking hotel rooms, buying my son dinners and lunches, my son was even receiving an allowance from her.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 16,353 | 2022-11-30T22:55:24 | I walked in on my son having sex with my brother's wife | REPOST | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z967pj/i_walked_in_on_my_son_having_sex_with_my_brothers/ | false | false | [
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z96lc2 | **I am NOT OP. [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/9wkeok/mi_do_i_need_a_lawyer_for_an_age_discrimination/) by u/Agediscriminator in r/legaladvice**
trigger warnings: >!Stalking!<
mood spoilers: >!Good ending!<
---
&nbsp;
**Do I need a lawyer for an age discrimination lawsuit?** - Nov 12 2018
&nbsp;
Please hear me out.
I met up with a guy from Plenty of Fish. He seemed normal when we were talking. So I meet him at the restaurant and there is an obviously much older man than the 30 year old that he claimed to be. I sat down and I told him I was under the assumption he was younger and he had told me he was younger. He claimed they were older pictures and that it must have been a typo (although his profile also said 30) and that he was actually 45 years old. I told him I was not interested in someone almost 20 years older than me and I wished him well. He began to raise his voice a little saying he had already ordered a dish and wine for me and I needed to sit down and eat with him. I went to the bartender and gave a brief explanation of what had happened and the manager walked me to my car while the bartender stayed with the guy to make sure he didn’t follow me.
I went about my merry way for a couple of months before I was served at work with papers stating I was being sued. I called the attorney listed to verify and he confirmed that they were real, he was a client and I was being sued the cost of the entire dinner and his travel expenses because I used his age as discrimination, which was also illegal. I made the mistake of giving him my last name, which is not common and he found my employer on Facebook. Everything has since been locked down or deleted.
Now, again, hear me out. I know this will get thrown out. I’m fully aware he’s crazy. Do I need to get a lawyer for this? Money has been tight and I’m paying off student loans galore. Is it possible to walk in the court room and represent myself and not be completely murdered by their attorney? Any and all advice is so completely welcome!
&nbsp;
___________________________________________________
A comment with some legalese by u/taterbizkit
&nbsp;
> Something like detrimental reliance (I'm out all of this money based on a promise you made that you didn't keep -- I relied on your promise to my detriment) is an equitable claim (a type of claim for damages or relief not based in ordinary principles of law).
>
> No-showing a date under ordinary circumstances wouldn't give rise to a detrimental reliance claim. Under circumstances where it was even conceivable, it would be limited to things she knew about ahead of time -- like if there was substantial travel expense involved for him. Him ordering food or wine without her knowing about it isn't going to be recoverable -- even if it was a $5000 bottle of wine. That said, it's baked into the whole concept of dating that no one is required to participate or remain in a situation that makes them uncomfortable. So like, maybe for a no-show but it's a stretch. Show up, "ew", later bro -- is within the scope of normal dating procedure.
>
> But even so, of the many rules involved in equitable claims, one of them is "to get equity, one must do equity" -- the reason for the failure can't be rooted in something you did in bad faith. Even if there were some substance behind a claim for damages for a ruined date, he misrepresented his age by 15 years. That's bad faith right there.
>
> Detrimental reliance (or "quasi-contract" or "promissory estoppel") is more appropriate for a situation where a unilateral promise is made (which is unenforceable under most circumstances) with the intent to get the other person to do or not do something. It doesn't matter if it was inadvertent or not malicious. The promissor has to know that the promisee would suffer some detriment or change of circumstance if the promisee relies on the promise.
>
> Your employer tells you that you've been with the company long enough that whenever you decide to retire, you'll get half your pay for the rest of your life. You retire, and after a couple of months the checks stop coming. The promise was unilateral, so it's unenforceable under an ordinary legal claim. But you wouldn't have retired if the promise hadn't been made, and your employer knows that. The damage to you isn't the loss of a pension (since that was never enforceable). It's the loss of a job. So the employer should make good on the promise for a reasonable time while you look for a new job.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/a0f75h/mi_update_do_i_need_a_lawyer_for_age/) - Nov 25 2018
&nbsp;
First, thank you all so so much for the kind words and suggestions. I even saw that it made best of legal advice and was floored by the over whelming support from both communities!
Unfortunately, this update has good and bad in it.
I did find an attorney to help me. I made an appointment and tearfully explained my situation begging him to let me make payments as I could only afford such and such amount but I could sell my car if needed. Not sure if it was because of the holidays or he just wanted me out of his office (I kid, he was so nice and understanding) but he told me not to worry about it and I could make a donation or volunteer at a charity. He agreed to start off with a very strongly worded letter and we would keep in contact from there to see what happened.
The bad.
I don’t want to go into much detail just in case, but law enforcement is now involved. I am ok and unharmed, that’s all that matters. What I am able to give out due to it being reported on was after having to change my phone number, he attempted to show up at my apartment and waved a gun at security when they told him they wouldn’t let him in. However, there is now another investigation as he may be linked to another criminal case in my area.
Again, thank you all for the kind words and support. Just wanted to give you guys some closure while I was getting mine :-)
Edit: I did want to add an answer to a big question I left out previously because I was unsure if I should have disclosed it, that previously the amount of damages he was looking at originally was over $6.5k. He claims the cost of dinner was $250 (it was at a frickin’ restaurant that rhymes with Bolive Darden), his gas guzzler of a car at $150 for mileage, but the best was when we were talking, I had mentioned how I wanted to go to South Africa and he allegedly started buying the works for me. /shrug
But seriously, I know I’ve tried to use some humor in this, but I’m a little broken inside. I’ll be starting therapy soon because it has given me horrible panic attacks and I’ve just been trying to cope with how I could have been a statistic.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 10,245 | 2022-11-30T23:09:21 | OOP is sued because she doesn't want to date a man 20 years her senior | CONCLUDED | takeabreaker | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z96lc2/oop_is_sued_because_she_doesnt_want_to_date_a_man/ | false | false | [
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z9893q | [removed] | 1 | 2022-12-01T00:15:08 | OOP finds out her boyfriend cheated, while on vacation together | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z9893q/oop_finds_out_her_boyfriend_cheated_while_on/ | false | false | [
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z98h61 | [deleted] | 346 | 2022-12-01T00:24:08 | OP's Sister Married OP's Abuser; Now OP Is Expected To Care For Her Late Sisters Kids WITH The Abuser (Nov 16, '22 True) | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z98h61/ops_sister_married_ops_abuser_now_op_is_expected/ | false | false | [
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z9bltw | [removed] | 1 | 2022-12-01T02:35:00 | Father takes away 14-year-old daughter’s bedroom and gives it to his newborn son. | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z9bltw/father_takes_away_14yearold_daughters_bedroom_and/ | false | false | [
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z9btb5 |
Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ul107a/aita_for_taking_away_my_daughters_bedroom_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf - May 8, 2022
AITA for taking away my daughters bedroom and giving it to my son?
I(M32) have a daughter Harper(F14) from a previous relationship. I have full custody and her mom is not involved in her life.
5 years ago I married my wife Nina(F31) we tried to have a child but couldn't. We went to the doctor and turned out I can't have anymore kids due to some complications. We decided to use an sperm donor and the result was a son, Mark, who was born a few months ago.
The problems started when Nina got pregnant. Harper wasn't happy about it. When Mark was born things got worse. Before this Harper and I used to spend 2 days a week together, just the 2 of us without my wife but after Mark was born I couldn't do that anymore. I can't just leave my wife alone for 2 days a week with a newborn and Harper has been very angry about it.
The main problem started 3 days ago. Nina and I decided to make a nursery for Mark instead of having him in our bedroom for multiple reasons.
Our home has 4 bedrooms, 2 master bedrooms at one side and 2 bedrooms at the other side. One of the master rooms is ours, the other one is Harpers. It was very hard for Nina and I to go to the other side of the home multiple times at night when Mark wakes up so I asked Harper pack her stuff and go to one of the bedrooms so that we could give her room to Mark. At first everything seemed alright. She said ok and went to her room and started packing but less than an hour later my brother showed up at our home, asking for Harper. She had called him and asked him to take her. She came out of her room with her stuff, told me "you can give it to your son now" and left with my brother. I told her she could only go for one night but it has been 3 days and she is not back and wont even talk to me.
Im receiving calls from my family all calling me an AH and other names.
I dont trust their judgement, they very clearly favor Harper. She was the first grandchild in our family and everyone's favorite also they are trying to accept Mark as my son but I could see that they haven't been able yet so I decided to post here and get some unbiased opinions. AITA?
Verdict: YTA
**UPDATE**
Edit: Here is the update that I promised
I realized I've messed up so I went to my brothers home and tried to get Harper back but he didn't even let me see her, saying she doesn't want to see me.
He said he would only let her go back if:
1. She wanted to go with me
2. We move to another home close to their home because they wanted to have Harper close to them to keep an eye on her and make sure we are treating her right, we used to live very close to them but when I got married my wife and family didn't get along so we moved somewhere farther away which made Harper very sad.
3. Harper will get to choose which bedroom she wants in our new home
4. I should spend 1 on 1 time with Harper at least one day a week
Which I accepted.
This caused a lot of problems since my wife doesn't like some of those conditions. she thinks they are not reasonable. She got angry, took Mark and went to her parents home and is staying there so now I'm also receiving texts from my inlaws calling me an AH.
Right now Im looking for a new home that is closer to my brother's home
I called Harper and my brother convinced her to talk to me for once. she was crying the whole time while telling me that she felt like I didn't want her anymore. Hearing her cry like that really broke my heart. I honestly never meant to hurt her.
After so many apologies and gifts she finally agreed to see me. I will go to my brother's home everyday to spend time with Her. She has also finally agreed to come home with me when I find a new home.
**Reminder — I am not the original poster.** | 11,137 | 2022-12-01T02:43:44 | Father takes away 14-year-old daughter’s bedroom and gives it to his newborn son. | INCONCLUSIVE | pretty_mexican | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z9btb5/father_takes_away_14yearold_daughters_bedroom_and/ | false | false | [
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z9dupw | [removed] | 1 | 2022-12-01T04:10:19 | [Cyber Monday Sale! ] Get up to 80% Off on Windows 10, Windows 11, Office 2019, 2021 and more! | NEW UPDATE | thecornytractor | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z9dupw/cyber_monday_sale_get_up_to_80_off_on_windows_10/ | false | false | [
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z9e2sn | This one was originally posted in BORU 2 years ago by [u/bestupdator](https://www.reddit.com/user/bestupdator/). I found it while doing a deep dive in the sub today and wanted to re-share.
**I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/CommonSabretooth](https://www.reddit.com/user/CommonSabretooth/). She posted in r/JUSTNOMIL.
Acronyms:
JNMIL = just no mother-in-law
DW = Dear/Darling Wife
DD = Dear Daughter
**Trigger Warnings:** >!homophobia, abuse, mention of stalking!<
**Mood Spoiler:** >!The homophobe stays a homophobe, but the wives are alright !<
**Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/gq62ej/jnmil_offered_me_10k_to_leave_her_daughter/)**: May 25, 2020**
When DW \[32f\] and I \[36f\] got engaged, JNMIL broke down sobbing, and said “When will you stop being a lesbian and marry \[school friend who stalked her for years\]?” Needless to say, she wasn’t invited to the wedding.
Because she wasn’t there, she refused to acknowledge that it happened. She’ll tell anyone who’ll listen that it doesn’t “count” and that I’m a predator who preyed on her young, confused daughter. (We met when we were 25 and 29 respectively, and DW exclusively had gfs before me.)
Fast forward to today. DW and I aren’t hugely ambitious; we have jobs that pay the mortgage and bills and enough for the occasional treat, and that’s all we need. JNMIL says that if not for me, DW would be a CEO or doctor or president by now, and that in my jealousy, I forced her to become my housewife. Even though she works.
In truth, we’d both rather have the time and energy to spend on our creative hobbies and each other. But okay.
I am currently working from home. On my lunch break, I went for my daily walk, when a car pulls up to me. It’s JNMIL, leaning out the window. She’s all smiles. She asks how I am, isn’t the weather great, it’s so amazing to see me up and about, I’m such an inspiration to her! (Note: I have one leg.)
I don’t have much of a chance to reply. She says it must be hard for me to be nearing 40 and still live with a “roommate.” I’m used to her BS, but I stopped dead, seeing red. She offered me a gift of 10k for “being such a good friend to her daughter” and to “help me move into my own place.”
Guys. It’s been seven years, and I thought she couldn’t do anything to surprise me, but she keeps out-doing herself.
*Relevant Comments:*
"Said stalker was a close friend of DW while in school. He confessed he’d fallen in love with DW, and she (nicely) pointed out she was gay, it wasn’t going to happen. Stalker didn’t let up for almost a decade. MIL refers to them as “childhood sweethearts,” which tells you everything about her!"
"DW has has been LC since she was 19, when MIL kicked her out, making her homeless, and NC for a few years. The reason she drove around looking for me is that she knows she’s blocked everywhere. If it wouldn’t be used to control us, I’d take that 10k and use it to move us both away, lol."
*As to if they can move:*
"We really love our house (did a lot of work on it, built a huge catio for our cats), but it’s looking like more and more of an option. It’d be nice not to tense up every time a car drives by.
ETA: DD also lives close by, and we wouldn’t want to move more than a few miles from her, in a worst case scenario."
*Although many say take the money in run, someone cautions OOP about doing that*
"MIL has a LOT of money, so there’d definitely be contracts involved.
DW gave up on having a mother after she was kicked out as a teen and left homeless, and we have both been NC with her for years. Sadly, having money and contacts makes her think she can do anything she wants.
Thank you for your kind words. And it’s so wonderful to hear you supporting your daughter like that!"
**Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/gvekbm/update_jnmil_offered_me_10k_to_leave_her_daughter/)**: June 2, 2020**
Hey, all. Thanks so much for all your advice and supportive comments on my last post!
I waited a day to tell DW about my run-in with JNMIL. I was more than a little shaken and didn’t want to upset DW by bringing up JNMIL at a bad time.
After making sure I was okay, DW broke down laughing. She hasn’t spoken with her mother in around three years and was delighted she hasn’t changed. She reminded me of the dozen times JNMIL offered to buy DW and her imaginary future husband a house and car if she left me. We aren’t taking the money, but we treated ourselves to a fancy camera doorbell to keep an eye out for any more JNMIL antics and keep DD safe.
Not the most exciting conclusion, but there it is!
*Comment about DD:*
"We have a very unconventional but wonderful situation with regards to DD (DW didn’t meet her until she was almost 3, and the whole explanation would need its own post!), but JNMIL absolutely doesn’t consider her as anything resembling family. Which has been a blessing, trust me."
**Wherever OOP, her wife and daughter are, I hope they are doing great and living their best lives.** | 5,220 | 2022-12-01T04:20:17 | JNMIL offered me 10k to leave her daughter | REPOST | LucyAriaRose | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z9e2sn/jnmil_offered_me_10k_to_leave_her_daughter/ | false | false | [
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z9hryu | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/janetdoe77 in r/relationship_advice**
trigger warning: >!miscarriage!<
---
&nbsp;
[**Boyfriend of 3 years just admitted to cheating, we're on vacation together, I don't know what to do.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ckzt29/boyfriend_of_3_years_just_admitted_to_cheating/) - 2 August 2019
TLDR; Boyfriend cheated, I want to believe it was a one time thing and forgive him and enjoy our vacation but don't know how.
I (30F) have been in a seemingly happy relationship for a little over 3 years. My boyfriend (32M) is wonderful. We have lived together for about 2 years, rarely ever argue, we have so much in common and honestly he is my best friend. I love him and know that I want to marry this man. He flew to his hometown yesterday, I flew down this morning and we are both catching a plane in the morning to go on vacation together for 6 days with 2 other friends of ours. Everything is paid for and cancellations are not possible this last minute. I've been in our hotel room bawling my eyes out and dry heaving for the past 2 hours.
I ubered from the airport and when he came down to help me with my bags I immediately knew something was wrong. He looked like hell and was visibly nervous. Once we got into the hotel room he started tearing up and told me he had something to tell me, that he knows I'm going to leave him but he can't keep a secret like that from me. He explained how he and a few of his childhood friends all went to a bar and he ran into a girl he went to college with. They never had sex but did go on a few dates almost 7 years ago. She invited him and a group of other people back to her house where they all proceeded to get drunk and do cocaine all night (I know about the occasional cocaine use) and just catch up.
Basically he and the college friend ended up having sex and then she drove him to our hotel early this morning. He hasn't talked to her since and swears that it means absolutely nothing. He said she's not even attractive and that he was just fucked up. He says it was a big mistake and is begging for my forgiveness. A huge part of me wants to ask for every last detail but I'm scared to know that there is potentially more to the story. I don't know. I want to forgive him and enjoy our time away but I truly don't know how.
Are there such occasions where you really can't help yourself and it really was a spur of the moment mistake? Or is there something hidden beneath the surface and my happy relationship has been anything but this whole time?
**Update in comments**
UPDATE:
After basically begging him he told me the name of the girl and I reached out to her. I called her and put her on speaker so we all three could talk. Unfortunately, I'm learning the situation was much worse than the story originally told and I will be on a flight home in a few hours.
This other girl is not unattractive.
The sex was not protected.
He and her had been flirty the entire 3 hours before they finally had sex. Hand holding, sitting on his lap, making out a lot, he gave her oral sex and basically the sex lasted quite awhile with various things being done. Not like the coked out unpleasant quickie I was told about.
I feel like I want to die.
**UPDATE X2:**
First I would just like to say thank you to everyone who has commented or messaged me. I appreciate all the kind messages, words of advice and even some of the more harsher messages and comments. You guys have helped more than you could imagine.
I flew home this morning, took a nap, packed some of my things, took our cat and am staying with a friend for the 6 days he's away. He didn't want to go on the trip but I insisted. I told him if he has ever loved me, to please give me the time and space I deserve. Unfortunately, our relationship is broken beyond repair. The reasoning behind why he cheated doesn't matter because the fact remains that he did. That in all of our time together I've never even considered or wondered about another man and the first chance he got, he chose to have unsafe sex with someone else. I believe that he loves me and quite possibly is sorry. I don't however believe that he has any respect for me or our life together. I don't know that I'd ever forgive him or trust him again. No respect and no trust means no relationship.
We do have a shared life so the ending of this relationship is not quite as easy as me packing and leaving and not looking back. We have shared accounts, both of our names on our lease, shared phone plans and car insurance. Basically, the next few weeks are going to be rough.
&nbsp;
[**(UPDATE X3) Boyfriend of 3 years just admitted to cheating, we're on vacation together, I don't know what to do.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/clqxea/update_x3_boyfriend_of_3_years_just_admitted_to/) - 4 August 2019
I have no idea if anyone cares about the outcome of this situation but it is almost cathartic to write it all down so i'm doing it anyway. I finally have a calm moment to sit at my computer and compose a logical thought.
Upon me returning home he and I had very little communication at my request. I had originally planned to spend the week at my friend's home to process this life altering event but early this afternoon he texted me telling me he was home. Now, some people might think that shows a lot of effort on his part, that he's remorseful and rather than enjoy his vacation he flew home to talk. Perhaps I would feel that way too except I asked for space. I told him that if he had ever loved me he would give me time alone. He couldn't even give me that.
I agreed to meet with him at our apartment to talk. I only wanted to talk about and sort out all the details. Our finances, home, etc. We agreed on paying to break our lease, to stay on the insurance policy and phone plan together for now but unenroll auto pay so we're able to make our payments separately. I also asked for him to reimburse me for what I paid towards the vacation from hell. I wanted to wrap things up enough in that moment to where I would have to see and speak to him as little as possible. I know that some communication in the future will be inevitable but right now I can't deal with it. I told him he can stay in our apartment until we have to leave. I packed some more of my things and left.
I don't know if he looked upset or if he was crying. I honestly barely heard anything he had to say because I was so enraged at the person in front of me, a complete stranger. I don't know if the past 3 years were all a lie, I don't know if he has cheated before or that he would cheat on me again. All I am sure of is that he was capable of lying and cheating now. I refuse to be another cautionary tale of a woman who loved someone more than herself so she forgave a cheater only to be cheated on again.
There is a big difference between guilt and remorse.
&nbsp;
[**(FINAL UPDATE) Boyfriend of 3 years just admitted to cheating, we're on vacation together, I don't know what to do.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/cnqw7o/final_update_boyfriend_of_3_years_just_admitted/) - 8 August 2019
Thank you to everyone that has commented or reached out after my last two posts. I first want to say that I am doing okay, even after what I am going to say in this post, I'm okay. I am going to attempt to make this as brief as possible because I can't give this situation any more of my heart or energy. But it will most likely be long. *Here we go*.
I am all moved out of the apartment, my things going into storage because I am still staying in my friend's home for the time being. This break up has proved to be financially burdensome but somehow money has managed to be the least stressful part of this ordeal. It turns out that I never knew the man I shared my life with for the past 3 years. My ex and I ended up having a conversation on the last day of us moving out. He seemed apologetic and sad and asked if we could talk. He said that he loves me, that he will always love me and he wants us to stay together. He apologized and said he would stop bullshitting, no more lies. I didn't feel the need to have a conversation but I did have just one question. I asked him "why?"
I never could have imagined in a million years that he would tell me that the reason he cheated was because I miscarried 6 months ago. Especially because of how supportive and loving he was during that period in our lives, I felt blindsided and betrayed. He said that he knows that it was not my fault, that there was nothing I could have done differently but it had caused him to resent me. That he was angry. He said he knew how this sounded which is why he never talked to me about it. He didn't want to hurt me - ha. I of course at this point felt sick.
My heart hurt in ways I never knew possible. Even the death of my father did not hurt in ways his words and actions were hurting me. Here is this man that I have unconditionally loved and supported for over three years. I was his biggest cheerleader in life, encouraged him to be his own person and to still live his own life. I wanted him to be happy. We never went to bed mad at each other, we never called each other names, we never not kissed each other goodnight or goodbye in the morning. Our relationship *seemed*great and yet he's telling me for the last six months he has resented me, borderline hated me at times.
He admitted to downloading Tinder and chatting with women over the last six months. He swore that it never became sexual up until the night he cheated and that was only because they had history. I have no clue if that is true. Honestly, I don't care whether or not it is. The cheating is minimal compared to the words he just spoke. We were both crying and I handed him my keys for him to turn in. I gave him a hug and told him that he needs therapy and that I never want to speak to or see him again. I have a therapy appointment next week and will start to work on healing.
I am looking at potentially getting a loan so I can get out of anything left that we have shared. I also want to look into moving to a different city but that is still up in the air. I have changed my phone number and blocked him everywhere. There was never a chance of him and I getting back together and this just solidifies my decision. This will most likely be my last post on the subject but I once again thank each and every one of you.
&nbsp;
[**(THE REAL FINAL UPDATE) Boyfriend of 3 years just admitted to cheating, we're on vacation together, I don't know what to do.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/cska5d/the_real_final_update_boyfriend_of_3_years_just/) - 19 August 2019
I thought my last update would really be the last but a lot has happened in such a short amount of time, I figured I could close this chapter with a neat little bow.
First, I want to say thank you to each and every person that commented or messaged from either post. The outpouring of love is more than I could ever have imagined receiving from strangers. I see so many post on here with much worse stories and I don't know what I did to deserve the love and support, but I am eternally grateful.
Second and finally, me and my ex have not talked. There is absolutely no way for him to reach me directly as I ended up moving in with a different friend for the time being, he does not know about this. He still thinks I am at friend A's home and communicates with her if there is anything that needs to be said in regards to business matters. She does not allow him to talk about anything personal and if he does, she does not pass it along. We have zero things connecting us at this point.
In my last post I talked about possibly moving cities and well, that happened! I was offered a job I had been trying to get for quite some time and the position finally opened up. I have been working from home for about a week, will work from home for another week and then I move!! Rhonda (Kitty) is probably not going to be too thrilled but we have a vet appointment for some kitty meds to hopefully ease the transition. She's top priority, always.
I love my new job, I love my friends, and I love where my life is headed. I wish nothing bad for my ex and have no ill will towards him and truly hope he can find peace in his life.
Often what we lose is nothing compared to what we gain, it's just getting past our human ego and being able to see it.
Thank you again from the bottom of my heart for coming along on this journey with me. I wish you all happiness and love in your lives xx
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 9,465 | 2022-12-01T07:35:33 | OOP finds out her boyfriend cheated, while on vacation together | CONCLUDED | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z9hryu/oop_finds_out_her_boyfriend_cheated_while_on/ | false | false | [
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z9j6ba | 1 | 2022-12-01T09:06:16 | He wanted an open relationship, so I agreed to it. | ONGOING | Sylvrwolf | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z9j6ba/he_wanted_an_open_relationship_so_i_agreed_to_it/ | false | false | null |
|
z9nuti | [removed] | 1 | 2022-12-01T13:26:49 | I found out I have a daughter who thinks I was her mother's rapist. It wasn't rape. What next? | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z9nuti/i_found_out_i_have_a_daughter_who_thinks_i_was/ | false | false | [
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z9o279 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-12-01T13:36:04 | Buying a $2000 microwave was a mistake | CONCLUDED | seanfish | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z9o279/buying_a_2000_microwave_was_a_mistake/ | false | false | [
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z9o3ta | [removed] | 1 | 2022-12-01T13:38:09 | I found out I have a daughter who thinks I got her mother pregnant by assault. I didn't. What next? | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z9o3ta/i_found_out_i_have_a_daughter_who_thinks_i_got/ | false | false | [
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z9q43x |
Originally posted by in r/AmItheAsshole on Sept 25, '22, updated Nov 5th and Nov 24th
[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xnpygp/aita_for_the_way_i_reacted_to_my_parents_open/)
I (18m) live with my parents, Ive been paying rent since I was 16 since my parents would be financially fucked if I wasn't helping out. A few my parents told me they are seeing someone and that their relationship is open. I didn't give a shit since it wasn't affecting me until this guy they are seeing started staying nights. He treat this place like its his, tries to tell me what to do and eats all our (MY) food. I tried talking to my parents about it but they just said its their house so they can have who they want here.
I really tried to put up with it until this guy tried to discipline my dog. I flipped my shit, it was most certainly not the way you discipline a dog and Im already sick of his shit. I yelled the house down, calling him all sorts, like "dumb c\*nt" "piece of shit free loader" and some more vile shit thats probably way to fucked up to say here. My parents rushed to see whats going on and tell me off but instead I told them off calling them terrible parents, that they can shove their house up their ass and that I'm not going to pay rent to live in a house i have no say in. That "dumb c*nt" can cover my rent.
Ive since been staying with my boyfriend. My parents recently texted me asking for my rent. I told them to fuck off and reminded them of what I said. I feel like Im not wrong to not pay rent anymore but I went so overboard with my words. AITA
*Verdict: NTA*
[Top comment:](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xnpygp/comment/ipuo8hp/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
NTA; they turned you into a paying tenant at 16 and I'm glad you're out. Do you have your dog with you? That would've been the final straw for me as well.
*OP's reply:*
Yeah I have my dog with me, were attached at the hip unless I'm going to work.
*RELEVANT COMMENTS FROM OOP*
* When I was 12 my 4 year old sister drowned. I was playing playstation instead of watching her while my parents were in the shed smoking ice (meth). Since then they blamed me and use it to guilt trip me into a lot of shit. Ive only somewhat recently realised its their fucking fault and not mine thanks to my boyfriend. I hate them for it, and wish it was them.
* Yeah, this is a long line of bullshit from them I'm just sick of. Ive had to support them for so long and my mum even refuses to work while I'm paying half the rent and utilities and all of the food they eat. I feel like im the fucking parent half the time.
[1st Update 10 days later](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xx6vqu/update_aita_for_the_way_i_reacted_to_my_parents/)
Its been over a week since I [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xnpygp/aita_for_the_way_i_reacted_to_my_parents_open/). Thank you guys for your Judgments and advice. I have blocked my parents on everything and have gone no contact. After just over a week I already feel like a new person without them in my lives. My boyfriend has been my rock through all this, I was a mess of tears and anger the first few days and he's the one who got me through it. Im currently staying with him (renting) but we have been looking for our own place together since the lease on the current place runs out soon. I went to my gp and got a mental health plan done up so I should be seeing a therapist soon, free of charge. Its not a huge update but Im doing a lot better in so little time from just cutting them out of my life, Im looking forward to the future.
[New update Nov 24th](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRASelfishParent/comments/z3fzm7/update_2_aita_for_the_way_i_reacted_to_my_parents/)
Hey, I thought I would update for the people who have asked. Oh, and before I forget, I need to pay my dog tax [here](https://imgur.com/t/dog/NAEUuN0).
Me and my boyfriend are now in a new place that we are renting together. We just moved in a week ago so have been pretty busy. It feels good to share a house as equals with the man you love. My dog has settled in nicely and seems like even he is doing better out of that environment, he especially loves living with my boyfriend.
As for my parents, I haven't heard from them at all since I have their numbers blocked and they don't know where I live. But I did hear from some family that their boyfriend ran out one night, and they woke up to a lot of their valuables and cash gone. Who could of seen that coming.
And as for me, I've been seeing a therapist. It's been going well. I've been put on anti depressants as well since I've been diagnosed with depression, a few other things, and co-morbid PTSD. Im still obviously a work in progress, but I feel like it's a very good start to getting better. The first few sessions were hard, though, and I had to have my boyfriend with me during them, but its gotten easier to talk to my therapist, and I no longer need my boyfriend there. For once, Im looking forward to the future. | 9,275 | 2022-12-01T15:04:25 | OP Wonders If He Is The AH for not paying Rent To His Parents New Update (AITA Nov 24, '22) | CONCLUDED | KittenDealinMama | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z9q43x/op_wonders_if_he_is_the_ah_for_not_paying_rent_to/ | false | false | [
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z9q8ik | ##I am not the OOP, this is a post from a deleted account on r/relationship_advice by u/Throwra-weddingpay ##
##Trigger Warning: Stillbirth and miscarriage.
#[Original Post: Wife [53F] is not okay with me [55M] paying for part of my ex-wife's [55F] daughter's [27F] wedding - 5 November 2021](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qnmbnu/wife_53f_is_not_okay_with_me_55m_paying_for_part/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
My ex-wife and I were high school sweethearts and married as soon as we graduated. We stayed together for five years and had a daughter. We'll call her Kara. The relationship wasn't working so we split and my ex came out as a lesbian. My ex later had another daughter, Hannah, via donor. I ended up becoming a father to Hannah. My ex didn't asked me to. We were on very friendly terms and already co-parenting Kara, so it came natural. I met my now wife three years later and she was very understanding of the situation and took the role of stepmother to both kids. We also have a son.
Hannah's getting married next year and my ex and her partner and I will all be paying for the wedding. We talked about this before including my wife and everyone was fine with it. But now my wife tells me she doesn't like the idea of me paying for the wedding of a child who isn't really mine. She thinks that money should go towards our son's education instead. I already saved some money for our son that should cover him for a couple of semesters. He can always work part-time or apply for financial aid as well. Still, my wife is upset and thinks I've taken care of her enough and it's time to basically exit her life.
I'm shocked because she seemed to absolutely adore Hannah but I guess she never really considered her family. She made it known that she wouldn't care if it was Kara because she's my actual blood daughter. But I consider Hannah my daughter and my ex's partner has also been a parent to Kara, including financially, despite no relation, so it isn't one sided.
Edit:
I'm putting in $1200 and so is my ex and her partner. The money is coming from my separate account. Any other expenses will be covered by Hannah and her fiance. They aren't having anything extravagant. I have way more saved for my son. If him or Kara get married, I will put in for them too.
#[Update: 12 Dec 2021](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/refyq0/update_wife_53f_is_not_okay_with_me_55m_paying/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
First off, I am definitely giving $1.2K plus a little extra and it's coming from my separate personal account. Secondly, my wife was included in the original discussion about the money. Sorry I didn't make that clear enough in the original post.
I've had the chance to sit down and talk to my wife and it turns out this whole thing isn't so much about Hannah but the fact that we do not have a daughter. Or rather a living daughter. We had another child after our son and it was a girl, but she was stillborn. It was heartbreaking for the both us. We tried again, but she miscarried early on.
She said paying for the wedding is a reminder that the only daughters I will ever have are by my ex. She's sad that she will never get to help plan our daughter's wedding or see me walk her down the aisle. She brought up other milestones and mother-daughter things too, like prom and going shopping together, getting their nails done, etc.
She doesn't really think I need to exit Hannah's life, but she does think it's deeply unfair that Hannah gets to experience having me as a father while our blood daughter doesn't.
I understand where she's coming from and I've been spending much more time with her and our son. I have a trip for us planned after New Years and I bought them both gifts that they've been wanting for a while. I'm just going to continue trying to be the best husband and father I can and make her and our family feel valued. My relationship with Hannah and Kara is just as important but I don't want anyone to feel less than or jealous. | 5,371 | 2022-12-01T15:09:21 | OOP's wife [53F] is not okay with him [55M] paying for part of his ex-wife's [55F] daughter's [27F] wedding | CONCLUDED | Confident-Addition76 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z9q8ik/oops_wife_53f_is_not_okay_with_him_55m_paying_for/ | false | false | [
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z9s9cj | [removed] | 1 | 2022-12-01T16:30:18 | OP wonders if AITA for not inviting one child from my daughters class to a party? | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z9s9cj/op_wonders_if_aita_for_not_inviting_one_child/ | false | false | [
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z9sfcs | **I am not the OOP. Original post is by** [**u/Opposite-Leg2854**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Opposite-Leg2854/) **in** r/AITA
[AITA for not inviting one child from my daughters class to a party?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y27o37/aita_for_not_inviting_one_child_from_my_daughters/) \- Oct 12, 2022
**Verdict: NTA**
trigger warnings: >!bullying!<
mood spoilers: >!happy!<
---
My (28 female) and husband (29 male) have a daughter Payton (7 female).
Payton goes to a small school with 20 kids in her grade. Her birthday party is next month and we sent out invitations to her friends at school. We invited the whole class except one student.
The student we did not invite has bullied Payton several times (we’ve had meetings with the school and parents). Obviously Payton doesn’t want this kid at her party.
The other girls mother called me to talk about it saying how now her daughter is crying she was the only kid not invited and everyone at school is talking about the party. (Payton’s parties are known by her classmates to be very over the top). I explained her daughter isn’t nice to my daughter and that’s the reason she wasn’t invited (the mother knows this). The mother said I’m teaching my child to be a “bully” and use her wealth to make friends. I disagreed.
The mother then asked if she had her daughter apology and write Payton a letter we could reconsider. I told her we would not and it has become a big deal every time I see the mom.
AITA?
Edit for questions:
Invitations were not handed out in the classroom. I handed them to parents directly.
I’ve seen a few people ask exactly what kind of bullying has occurred. So I’ll give a couple examples from last year and this year.
* one time Payton came home crying because the little girl was so mean to her. Telling her she wasn’t pretty, too chubby, etc.
* Payton has come home crying several times because the girl has told her there’s no way she’s a cheerleader (Payton does cheering on weekends) because she wasn’t “pretty”.
* she has told Payton she couldn’t play with the rest of the girls in the class when they were all playing jump rope at recess. The other girls told her to let Payton play so when it was Payton’s turn the girl purposely got her “out” by not swinging the rope nicely. The teacher saw that happen.
* she’s called Payton a cry baby.
And this is only a couple of the incidents that happened.
Update:
Payton’s party was today. She had so much fun. The student that was not invited did show up but did not make it past the community gate. In our neighborhood you have to have someone at the gate in order for people to enter.
We had face painting, balloon animals, a bounce house, an obstacle course, a magic show, and character appearances. We even had a life size Barbie box for pictures and pink everything. There was activities for the kids to do and everything was a hit. Also thank you to the commenter who suggested swag bags. We did have them and the kids loved it!
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 12,269 | 2022-12-01T16:37:09 | OOP wonders if they are the AH for not inviting one child to her daughter's party | CONCLUDED | Karkenna | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z9sfcs/oop_wonders_if_they_are_the_ah_for_not_inviting/ | false | false | [
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\*Collections only work on desktop new reddit | 573 | 2022-12-01T17:13:00 | Looking for a Post? Ask Here! - December 2022 Edition | META | czechtheboxes | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z9tbol/looking_for_a_post_ask_here_december_2022_edition/ | false | false | [
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z9ug9q | [removed] | 1 | 2022-12-01T17:54:31 | WIBTA for making my roommate pay to replace my panties? | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z9ug9q/wibta_for_making_my_roommate_pay_to_replace_my/ | false | false | [
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z9uzgm | **I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/CaveIsClosed **in** r/AmItheAsshole
trigger warnings: >!Creepy behavior!<
[**WIBTA for making my roommate pay to replace my panties?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/nzarvy/wibta_for_making_my_roommate_pay_to_replace_my/) \- 14th June 2021
Mobile user, so I apologize for formatting. The names in this have been changed.
Earlier this year, one of my friends \[29m we’ll call him Taylor\], moved in with my boyfriend \[25m, we’ll call him Charlie\] and me \[23f\]. Taylor and I work together and became really close friends. I introduced him to my boyfriend, and now the 3 of us are friends. However, I am closer to Taylor than my boyfriend is because Taylor and I have bonded over similar traumatic experiences.
The other day, Charlie and I left for a little weekend trip. Taylor agreed to take care of our dog while we were away, which we were happy about. Charlie and I have a security camera in our bedroom. This camera is aimed at the bedroom door and bathroom door (we have a bathroom attached to our room). Minutes after we left, we got a notification that there was motion in our room. We checked the cameras and saw Taylor just standing in our room. Over the next 30 minutes, he went in and out of our room about 7 times. It’s important to note that up until this point we have sincerely valued privacy. We never go in his room unless he states it’s okay, and vise versa. So we were surprised to see him just walking in on his own.
The 8th time he went into our room we saw him go over to my dresser and dig through my panty drawer. He picked out a pair of panties, pulled down his boxers and pants, put my panties on, and then put his boxers and pants back on over it. A few minutes later he returned wearing one of my tank tops when he noticed the camera. He slowly backed out of the room. But then he returned later and continued digging through my panty drawer. He returned multiple times later to dig through my panties. All of this is recorded and saved on video.
Seeing how he invaded our privacy and wore my underwear made me feel sick and needs to be addressed. We don’t want to make Taylor feel ashamed for cross-dressing, but what he did with MY clothing was disgusting.
I know as soon as we get back home I’m going to throw away all my underwear and Charlie is going to install a deadbolt on our bedroom door. We don’t feel comfortable confronting him about it until we return home and are able to deadbolt our door.
Would I be the asshole if I made him pay to replace all my underwear AND pay for the hardware for our bedroom deadbolt? The only reason I need those things now is because he invaded my privacy.
Edit for clarification: Taylor is better friends with me than he is with Charlie. Between the two guys, I am obviously closer to my boyfriend. I do NOT prefer Taylor over my boyfriend, Charlie
**Verdict - NTA (Not the A-hole)**
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/od6d6i/update_wibta_for_making_my_roommate_pay_to/) \- 4th July 2021
Still on mobile, so again I apologize for the formatting. Also, thank you for all the advice and support. You guys really helped me make an informed decision.
I left out some details intentionally because thinking about it and making it public was just too disturbing and I was in denial. Taylor also went in my nightstand to look at and handle my adult toys and he dug through my hamper to presumably look for used underwear.
Now onto the update. Taylor denied everything. Despite the fact that we had it all on video, he tried to make up different reasons why he was in there, tried to downplay it, said he only came in to look around, and then said he doesn’t remember ever entering our room. We told him he could either move out, go to therapy, or we could move out and he would have to find new roommates. He basically told us “no”. He said we had no authority to kick him out and that “blackmailing” him with the videos was illegal. Unfortunately, he was on our lease so there wasn’t much we could do without taking legal action. So we got to work.
We started looking for a new place to live, started looking for a lawyer, filed a police report, and made plans to file for a restraining order. But every single day I was constantly anxious at work and fearful in my own home because it was clear that he had absolutely no remorse. After about a week with no sleep and constant fear, I finally spoke to my boss about the situation. My concerns were taken seriously and they immediately began taking steps to help me. I showed them the videos and they agreed that his actions were completely unacceptable and, due to the nature of our work, he is considered a liability and a danger to other employees. They made sure I was in a safe place before they suspended him while they investigated him.
During his suspension, I met with my bosses where and they continued to support me and ensure my safety. They also made plans to terminate him as he also had multiple negative performance reports. So this whole deal was the nail in his coffin. However, Taylor quit before they had the chance to fire him. The day after he quit, he got all his crap out of the apartment and signed documents removing himself from the lease. He has not attempted to contact me since.
This whole situation has been extremely emotionally draining. It has caused a lot of painful memories and emotions to resurface. Looking back on our friendship now, I can recall multiple red flags in which he crossed clear personal boundaries I set. I can’t believe he was ever someone I trusted and loved like a big brother.
But for now, he is out of our lives and I am relieved. I’m still living with my parents, but I plan on moving back as soon as the apartment locks get changed. That’s all I’ve got for now.
TLDR; Taylor quit, moved out, and hasn’t attempted to contact me since
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 3,296 | 2022-12-01T18:12:42 | OOP - WIBTA for making my roommate pay to replace my panties? | REPOST | raredontstare | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z9uzgm/oop_wibta_for_making_my_roommate_pay_to_replace/ | false | false | [
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z9vqzr |
**I am not OP**. This was originally posted by [u/KaffeineHunter](https://www.reddit.com/user/KaffeineHunter/) in [r/femalefashionadvice](https://www.reddit.com/r/femalefashionadvice/) on 23. Dec. 21.
([https://www.reddit.com/r/femalefashionadvice/comments/rmha2c/need\_stockings\_help\_urgently/](https://www.reddit.com/r/femalefashionadvice/comments/rmha2c/need_stockings_help_urgently/))
The update is within the same post.
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
**Need stockings help urgently!**
&#x200B;
Hey everyone!
My BF and I are going out on a date in about half hour, we have a 1 year old so these things are rare, and it's his birthday He just got home like 5 mins ago from last minute Xmas shopping and while he was out I asked if he could pick me up some tights to go with the dress he wants me to wear. He comes home with stockings, the ones that don't have the little rubber seam bit to help them stay up. And of course I don't have any garter belts either. They keep rolling down my thighs past my dress line and just look...awful. Any advice on what I can do in a pinch to keep these damn things from falling down? Can I tape them to my legs?
Thanks!!!
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
Update: screw the stockings, he proposed!
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
*OOP went with different shoes and without stockings in the end, in case anyone wonders*
&#x200B;
Bonus Post containing ring tax from [r/RedditLaqueristas](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedditLaqueristas/): A few days ago my BF asked me to paint my nails black and holo for dinner tonight
([https://www.reddit.com/r/RedditLaqueristas/comments/rmmmct/a\_few\_days\_ago\_my\_bf\_asked\_me\_to\_paint\_my\_nails/](https://www.reddit.com/r/RedditLaqueristas/comments/rmmmct/a_few_days_ago_my_bf_asked_me_to_paint_my_nails/))
&#x200B;
A few days ago my BF asked me to paint my nails black and holo for dinner tonight. Didn't realize it was because he wanted it to match my new engagement ring!
&#x200B;
*When I first read about the stockings I was a little worried, that the boyfriend wanted her to wear a special dress because that could easily be some controlling behaviour or the start of it. So it was nice to see this comment from OOP under the nails-post:*
&#x200B;
> Thank you! He never usually "requests" I look a particular way, but this dinner he was like pretty dress ✔ matching nails ✔ I can't believe I didn't clue in lmao | 3,796 | 2022-12-01T18:39:54 | OOP urgently needs fashion help | CONCLUDED | divineOuch | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z9vqzr/oop_urgently_needs_fashion_help/ | false | false | [
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z9w4yb | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwra484uei in r/relationship_advice**
trigger warning: >!domestic abuse!<
---
&nbsp;
[**My wife said something strange about her ex, and it's really getting to me (I'm 31M, she's 31F)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/flew19/my_wife_said_something_strange_about_her_ex_and/) - 19 March 2020
My wife and I have been married for 4 years. I will call her Abby. We love each other, have a great marriage, and are talking about having kids soon. I really don't have any complaints.
BUT, before Abby met me, she was with a guy, Brock, for two years. She said she was madly in love with him but had to leave him because he was verbally abusive. Shortly after she left Brock, she met me, and the rest is history.
I thought it went without saying that Abby had forgotten about Brock. However, there have been some odd things that she has said about him that make me nervous, or even a little jealous. She once told me that Brock was so good looking that she had a hard time making eye contact. This was in the context of a conversation about why she put up with his abuse for so long. And when I replayed what she said... She's never said that *I* was too good looking to look at. It's almost like she said Brock was more attractive, and it hurt. I didn't bring this up though because she sometimes gets upset when I mention Brock.
There's also been a few times where she mentioned something that Brock used to do, and she's have this wistful look on her face, almost like she was still enamored with him. This wasn't 100% clear though and it didn't happen often so I let it slide.
I have told Abby in the past that I felt a little jealous because Brock seemed like a more attractive man than me, but she assured me that she didn't think of him that way and that she loved me.
All this being said, my wife said something a bit odd about Brock two nights ago, and it's been messing with my head.
We were sitting on the couch watching Netflix, and Abby had been drinking a bit. We somehow got on the subject of feet, and how we both thought feet were gross and didn't understand why some people liked feet. I held my bare foot up and said something like "can you imagine someone liking my feet, I have gross feet." Abby laughed and agreed that my feet were gross. (This wasn't particularly hurtful, her tone was playful.)
Then after a few seconds, Abby said "The only person's feet I would ever consider attractive is Brock's feet. He had the most beautiful feet."
As you can imagine, this killed the conversation, but Abby didn't seem to notice. She was staring off into space. I just went back to watching TV.
The next morning, when we woke up, she acted like nothing happened. And maybe she really didn't remember, because she was drunk, and it was an offhand remark. But it's been bugging me for the past couple of days. Not just because it was about Brock, but because my feet were ugly, then said his were beautiful. Maybe it's silly but it made me feel really insecure and jealous.
Abby has noticed that something is off about me. She asked earlier this morning if something is wrong. I denied it, but... I don't think I can just forget about this like I want to.
I'm thinking I will need to sit down with her and talk about the Brock situation. We are cooped up together for the next two weeks at least so that makes things complicated, it's not like one of us can leave if the conversation goes sour. And I hope it doesn't come to that. But...
Any advice on how to broach this subject? Should I broach it at all?
&nbsp;
[**Update: my wife said something strange about her ex, and it's really getting to me (I'm 31M, she's 31F)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/fn2thu/update_my_wife_said_something_strange_about_her/) - 22 March 2020
TL;DR my wife occasionally talks about her ex as though she misses him, and then the other night she said he was the only guy she ever knew with beautiful feet. (Yeah, weird... But also hurtful towards me and my nasty feet.)
So I actually tried to post this the very next morning, while replies to my first post were still streaming in, because I talked to Abby almost immediately and consider the issue largely settled. Automod deleted it so I've had to wait a couple days. In hindsight I'm glad I've had to wait because it gave me more time to consider the responses I received.
First of all, I wanted to thank everyone who responded yesterday.
Unfortunately I did receive a bit of bizarre advice-- a number of users called my wife an "alpha widow", still others told me to divorce her immediately because she MUST be cheating. I had a few users calling my wife a bitch. This was a sobering reminder that anonymous internet people don't understand the nuances of my marriage, and people tend to project their own insecurities onto other people's situations. So I'd advise anyone considering posting here-- use discretion in what advice you take.
(Just to get ahead of some of the speculation, Brock has lived in South Korea for two years, he is prohibited by a court order from contacting Abby, and I have open access to her DMs anyway. If she were cheating, I'd be the first to know.)
I also received some great advice about "trauma bonding" and recovering from abusive exes. These responses were the most helpful.
All this said, here's what I posted about that night:
I was sitting on the bed last night, just kind of brooding, when Abby came in. She sat on the bed next to me and looked at me. She must have known something was up because I haven't been myself these last few days and our bedroom has been dead since the feet comment.
Abby asked me if everything was okay. I gave her a weary smile and said no, I suppose not. She frowned and asked if we could talk about it. I sighed heavily and was quiet for a few moments. Abby didn't look nervous or defensive, she looked genuinely concerned. So I figured she must not be aware of how hurtful her Brock comments have been, and I should just be honest.
I started by asking if she was willing to be 100% honest with me. She said that she was. So then I asked if she's happy being married to me, and if she'd prefer being with someone else instead. She seemed a little taken aback by the question and said she would never dream of marrying someone else. My voice was shaking the whole time and Abby looked like she was ready to cry, too.
Finally I lay everything out. I tell Abby that a few nights ago, we were talking about feet, and she had said that my feet were gross, but Brock's feet were "beautiful." I said maybe it sounds really silly and dumb but that comment made me feel really ugly and it broke my heart. (She gasped and started crying at this point.) I said there's been a few other times where she mentioned Brock and acted like she really missed him, because she sounded enamored when she talked about him. I said I think that Brock was probably a lot more attractive than me and she would have preferred staying with him over me.
Abby cried for long time before she was able to say anything. It was probably only two minutes but it felt like forever.
She said she didn't realize that she was mentioning Brock that way and upsetting me so much. She said she couldn't imagine marrying anyone else but me. I said "Even though I'm uglier than Brock?" and she started crying again, like really bawling. After she pulled herself together again she admitted that Brock was a very attractive man, and that she had been infatuated with him. (It seemed extremely difficult for her to get those words out.) But Brock had also been controlling and incredibly cruel. She never felt safe or at ease with him, but she did feel safe with me. She said she had married ME, and wanted children with ME, and that she had never even dreamed of marrying Brock, let alone having kids with him.
Then we talked about some deeper more personal stuff that I'd rather not go into here..
I did mention some of the trauma bonding stuff that some Redditors had mentioned last night, and Abby admitted that she had felt addicted to the drama while she was with Brock. She agreed to talk with her counselor about her unresolved issues with that past relationship.
The conversation took well over an hour and we both cried a lot. But I did feel much better afterwards. We cuddled for a while before I joked that I guess Abby was stuck with my nasty feet for life. She took my head in her hands and said she thought I had the most beautiful feet in the world, because they were mine. We made out and made love for the first time in a week. Maybe that's TMI but I figured a lot of folks here would appreciate a happy ending.
So, I guess the issue is largely settled. I do think that maybe I overreacted a little, but my feelings at being (inadvertently) made to feel less attractive were real. I'm glad I didn't second guess my emotions and suppress them.
Thank you to everyone who offered advice in the original thread. It seems the situation has been resolved.
**Edit:**
though I will add that I still feel a little sad that I am not as attractive as Abby's ex. Not because I'm jealous but because I want to be the best she's ever had in every way, including physically. But I guess I simply have to make peace with the fact that I'm not the most attractive guy Abby has been with. I suppose a lot of us have to make peace with that, huh?
**Edit 2:**
I appreciate all your kind words. I would like to add that I do not consider the situation magically over, but I count it as resolved because Abby and I are both moving in the right direction and actively working on fixing this.
I would also like to add that even with this positive update, I am seeing some disappointing comments. Users saying that I'm immature, that my wife is definitely totally cheating on me, that I am a troll making this whole thing up because my writing style isn't very good, that this sub is a terrible place to share a "serious marital issue" and I shouldn't have done it, etc etc... I also a few interesting PMs trying to rope me into some kind of anti-woman community, and one instructing me to kill myself.
I've read that Reddit can be toxic but this has been eye opening. I do want to post an update maybe a month down the road, but I do think in light of all this negativity, that maybe I will just leave things here.
There is a LOT that I did not post here, and I mean A LOT, I guess it's understandable that some people are treating this as their blank canvas to project their own insecurities.
Thank you to everyone who provided positive input and constructive criticism.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 6,092 | 2022-12-01T18:53:42 | OOP is jealous of his wife's ex | REPOST | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z9w4yb/oop_is_jealous_of_his_wifes_ex/ | false | false | [
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z9yru1 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-12-01T20:29:35 | My white husband confessed to me that he enjoys “race play” fantasies | ONGOING | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z9yru1/my_white_husband_confessed_to_me_that_he_enjoys/ | false | false | [
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za0om7 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-12-01T21:38:03 | Am I the buttface for not letting my boyfriend be the hero while we were getting mugged at knife point? | REPOST | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/za0om7/am_i_the_buttface_for_not_letting_my_boyfriend_be/ | false | false | [
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za1414 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-12-01T21:53:06 | My white husband confessed to me that he enjoys “race play” fantasies | ONGOING | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/za1414/my_white_husband_confessed_to_me_that_he_enjoys/ | false | false | [
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za1dl5 | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwawayegg52 in r/trueoffmychest**
trigger warnings: >!racism, manipulation!<
---
&nbsp;
[**My white husband confessed to me that he enjoys “race play” fantasies**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/z2bdsz/my_white_husband_confessed_to_me_that_he_enjoys/) - 23 November 2022
I’m black and my husband is white. Yesterday he admitted to me that recently he’s started to like something called “race play” which means that he has sexual fantasies about racist situations. To be honest I still don’t know a lot about it but an example that he gave me is that he has a fantasy about being a plantation owner while I’m a slave that he keeps as a mistress.
I can’t stand to look at him any more because all I feel is disgust. He knows that I have been in relationships where I was objectified in the past and I know that people can’t control their sexual interest but I can’t separate this image of my husband being attracted to racist situations from the man that I fell in love with and married. He asked me if I was willing to give it a chance but I told him that I didn’t want to and now he’s sleeping in the guest room because we had a fight about me not being supportive. I think this might end my marriage but I love him and want to work through it somehow
**Update:**
I talked to my husband over lunch. I did what some of you suggested and asked him where he got the idea from and how he started to like it. Most of you were right. He discovered it on a porn site and began watching more porn videos featuring it. He told me that it’s been about two months since he discovered it. Then he asked me again if I would give it a chance for him.
When I told him that I was uncomfortable with it he got upset again and asked why I wouldn’t support him. He even offered that we could try it once and then if I didn’t like it we wouldn’t have to do it again. But when I said no he got frustrated and we started to argue.
He reminded me of all of the things that he has done for me and how much he always supports me and then called me manipulative. He has now left with the car to go spend time with his friends. I’ve been crying for the past fifteen minutes and I don’t know what else to do
**Update 2:**
A couple of commenters have asked about it since the first update a couple of hours ago. I am now trying to see if one of my friends will let me stay with them for a day or two so that I can clear my head. I am no contact with most of my family and the family members that I still talk to live several states away, so staying with family is not an option. And my husband owns the house so I can’t change the locks or tell him not to come home.
**Update 3:**
It is currently the middle of the night here. I left our house and am now staying with a good friend, and I will be staying here until this evening. I’ve been here for a few hours now. I did not see my husband before my friend picked me up, but I left him a voicemail to tell him that I needed space to clear my head. I also did what some of you suggested and said in the voicemail that I felt pressured by him into doing something that I didn’t want.
He has since heard the voicemail and has called and texted begging me to come home. He wants to come pick me up from her house in the morning but I said no. He accused me of abandoning him right before Thanksgiving and his best friend has also texted me to tell me that I’m a bad wife for treating my husband like this when he pays for everything and supports my lifestyle. To be honest it made me cry more than what my husband said. I don’t think I will be able to get any sleep tonight after this.
This is not a part of the update but I have received a lot of questions through comments and direct messages so I will answer a few of them here.
1. I do not know if my husband has a porn addiction. To be honest I am not sure how to tell if someone has a porn addiction.
2. I am 25 and my husband is 33. We have been together for 3 years, almost 4. But we have only been married for 1 year.
3. My husband is the sole earner in our house. I am a stay at home wife and do not have any income.
4. We do not have any children together but were planning to start a family next year. I want children but I am going to put it on hold until I figure things out of course.
5. We have done domination in the bedroom before so this porn did not awaken that kink in him.
6. All of my husband’s ex-girlfriends are white. Aside from two guys that I dated in high school and my husband, all of the men that I’ve dated have been Hispanic or black.
7. Yes we live in the south but I do not feel comfortable disclosing what state.
&nbsp;
[**My husband is accusing me of ruining Thanksgiving because I won’t come home to host for the family**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoSO/comments/z3r8ai/my_husband_is_accusing_me_of_ruining_thanksgiving/) - 24 November 2022
Hello and happy Thanksgiving to all that celebrate. I apologize if this post seems like a ramble but I have had a very difficult last few days so my thoughts are a little incoherent. I was pointed in the direction of this subreddit by a user who private messaged me because she thought that I would benefit from it.
My husband confessed to having a fetish the other day that I am very uncomfortable with. We had a fight about it and he accused me of not being supportive of him because I told him that I wouldn’t give it a chance. This led to him sleeping in our guest room and more arguments, and after consulting with others from a different subreddit I had a good friend pick me up and take me to her house while he was out with his friends.
She offered to let me spend Thanksgiving with her and her family so I left him a voicemail before I left telling him where I was and that I would be home after Thanksgiving dinner. Now he won’t stop texting and leaving voicemails begging me to come home. He has also accused me of abandoning him on Thanksgiving even though I’m supposed to cook and host for his immediate family today.
To be honest I am worried about ruining Thanksgiving. His family loves to celebrate holidays, and Thanksgiving is his mother’s favorite. I host and cook for every holiday except for Independence Day and Easter. I know that his siblings are not going to care, but it’s his parents that I’m worried about.
I have a good relationship with them aside from their nosiness but they are traditional and I worry that if I don’t come home and host it will strain our relationship. My husband thinks that I’m going to ruin the entire holiday if I refuse to come home since he can’t cook and he thinks it will be cruel of me to let his family come to our home expecting dinner when there will be nothing to eat because of me.
**Update:**
While I was preparing dinner with my friend my husband called me. His family has arrived and his parents aren’t happy with his explanation about why I’m not there. He didn’t tell them the truth and I don’t know what he said but apparently the excuse that he gave was not a good one because they blame him for it. His mother has taken over making all of the food and instead of turkey she will be reheating some leftover chicken for them to eat.
Apparently she scolded him for fighting with me during a holiday when it’s supposed to be about spending time with family and reflecting on why you love them. He sounded like he was about to cry while talking. He asked me if I was happy that his with his mother and father was ruined because I wanted to be spiteful and hurt him instead of just putting my feelings aside and spending time with him and his family, and he said that his friend was right about me being a bad wife because I stooped low enough to embarrass him to his family by ghosting them on a holiday. Then he told me that he is coming to get me at 7:30 and hung up.
To be honest I feel awful for making him cry. I know that I should be happy that his parents are supportive even if he did not tell them the real reason, but my husband rarely cries. I feel terrible for hurting him like that. I think that I messed up by not going home but I don’t know what to do.
**Edit:**
Not an update but please stop suggesting that I go to my family. I am no contact with most of my family, including my parents, for a reason that I do not feel comfortable disclosing. The family members that I am in contact with are more distant relatives. And before any of you ask: no, my husband does not have anything to do with why I’m no contact with my parents. I have been no contact with them since before we entered a relationship, and he has never met them.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 5,896 | 2022-12-01T22:01:57 | My white husband confessed to me that he enjoys “race play” fantasies | ONGOING | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/za1dl5/my_white_husband_confessed_to_me_that_he_enjoys/ | false | false | [
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za2bno | [removed] | 1 | 2022-12-01T22:34:25 | Op is distancing himself from his parents but they won't leave him. | ONGOING | DescriptionPopular59 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/za2bno/op_is_distancing_himself_from_his_parents_but/ | false | false | [
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za36af | [removed] | 1 | 2022-12-01T23:04:36 | Am I the buttface for not letting my boyfriend be the hero while we were getting mugged at knife point? | REPOST | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/za36af/am_i_the_buttface_for_not_letting_my_boyfriend_be/ | false | false | [
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za7vse | I am not OOP. OOP is /u/upvoter1541. They posted this as a comment to explain [this AdviceAnimals post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AdviceAnimals/comments/z34orp/buying_a_2000_bosch_microwave_was_a_huge_mistake/) and you can find their comment [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AdviceAnimals/comments/z34orp/buying_a_2000_bosch_microwave_was_a_huge_mistake/ixjvse4/).
Trigger warning: none unless home renovation triggers you, which it might.
Mood spoiler: >!Satisfying!<
The /r/AdviceAnimals post deals with a failed Bosch microwave that was denied warranty coverage because a repair contractor couldn't be found until after the warranty expired.
Original comment posted 23 November 2022:
Clarification: This microwave was purchased December 9 of 2021. We ended up having to sue our kitchen contractors for not actually completing the job. On Monday we finally completed the kitchen and installed this microwave. The warranty runs until December 9th of 2022.
After 2 days, it completely stops heating despite the fact that Bosch normally seems like a reliable brand. Online reviews suggest that other people have had this exact same issue. No problem, right? At the very least it's under warranty until December 9th so it's well within the warranty and can be fixed even if it took a long time for us to install it.
So I call Bosch customer service, explain the problem, she runs me through a troubleshooting step that does not work. It needs a repair. She looks at the repair dates. NONE available in my area until after December 9th. She then proceeds to tell me that it will not be covered under their warranty because it cannot be repaired before the warranty ends. I will have to appeal the decision with another department if I want it fixed. She has given me their contact information.
Yes I tried telling her that this is obviously illegal because the warranty needs to cover the problem if it happens during the warranty period regardless of how long it takes them to get out here to fix it. She disagreed and said that is not how it works and I will have to appeal...
Update posted same day (23 Nov):
I called back, and the first person I spoke with apologized and said the first rep I spoke with was 100% wrong. He couldn't see in his system who she was but said he wished he knew so he could follow up with her. Not only will Bosch cover the repair, but I'd the same issue recurs in the year after my warranty ends, they will consider it the same issue and will fix it again.
But what if I had believed the Bosch rep? How often do they lie to customers, in the hope that they give up on their warranty?
We're super relieved but definitely feel stupid for splurging on an expensive built in microwave. We're really wishing we had just gone for the cheap countertop microwave. Unfortunately the cabinet was custom built for this and is useless otherwise. Or maybe we could build an aquarium into it?
ENDS
────────
Again, I am not OOP, this is a repost sub. Please don't congratulate me on dealing with Bosch so well. My microwave is a crappy $50 from Kmart. | 5,196 | 2022-12-02T02:05:40 | Buying a $2000 Bosch microwave was a mistake | CONCLUDED | seanfish | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/za7vse/buying_a_2000_bosch_microwave_was_a_mistake/ | false | false | [
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zaeipd | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/superzero561456 in r/amithebuttface**
trigger warning: >!armed robbery!<
---
&nbsp;
[**AITB for not letting my boyfriend be the hero while we were getting mugged at knife point?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheButtface/comments/gkh540/aitb_for_not_letting_my_boyfriend_be_the_hero/) - 15 May 2020
My boyfriend is a big hero fanatic and does everything in his power to be like one. It's really endearing and it's one of the many things I love about him, because he wants to be the good he wishes to see in the world. But this mindset he has is why we are fighting right now.
We've been quarantining at my apartment (he's not on the lease), and he suggested we go on a night walk since we've been getting stir-crazy from being inside all day. He figured that it'd be better for social distancing to go out at night. I was hesitant because we live in a bad neighborhood, but he assured me he'd protect me.
On our walk, we were cornered by a man with a knife that demanded our wallets. I remembered John Mulaney's "STREET SMARTS!" bit from the Netflix show and was going to throw my wallet past the mugger so we could run away, but my boyfriend started arguing with the him and was spouting off a bunch of stuff about justice and how the the mugger "wOuLdNt gEt aWaY WiTh tHiS". It looked like he was getting ready to fight.
I was taken aback by this, and I guess the mugger was too, because it gave me enough time to take the important stuff out of my wallet while he was distracted. I interrupted my boyfriend's monologue and said "Take it, just don't hurt us" and threw it behind the guy. When he turned, I grabbed my boyfriend's hand and we booked it back to the apartment.
We got home safely, and I was relieved that we were okay, but my boyfriend was FUMING. He was pissed that I interrupted him from "protecting" me when he could have, in his words, "clearly handled it himself". I told him he could've gotten himself killed. He said that he was "obviously stronger" than the mugger and would've won. I explained to him that the guy had a weapon and my boyfriend didn't, so the odds were stacked against him. Not only that, but I didn't want my boyfriend to get KILLED over a damn wallet.
We argued for longer than necessary, so I shut it down and told him we could talk about it when our adrenaline wasn't so high, but I needed to file a police report while the event was fresh. He stomped off to our room while I called the cops. When I was off the phone, I went to lay with him but he rolled away from me.
The next day, he was still angry, and had already told his friends and family about what had happened to us. I thought that they would be understanding about how I handled it, but they were MAD at me for not letting him have his opportunity to be a hero. His mom even ridiculed me for emasculating him.
I want to reopen the conversation so we can understand each other and move past it, but if he isn't receptive, I'm going to ask him to move back in with his mom. I want to understand where I went wrong if I went wrong, but honestly, I feel like he's being childish and unreasonable. I just want to know AITB, or is he?
TL;DR: Boyfriend tried to play hero when we got mugged at knife point, I managed to get us away safely, he's mad that I ruined his chance.
Verdict: NTBF
&nbsp;
**Update in comments:**
UPDATE: I just want to thank everyone who has commented. It relieves me to know I'm not insane. He's still at his mom's house and I haven't heard from him, nor have I tried to reach out. All of his friends have ghosted me too except for one of them, who is trying to mediate. If I don't hear from him tonight, I'll reach out tomorrow. I plan on updating in the comments depending on where this goes.
Again, thank you to EVERYONE for sharing your thoughts on this!
&nbsp;
[**AITB for not letting my boyfriend be the hero while we were getting mugged at knife point? -- UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheButtface/comments/gkwbmh/aitb_for_not_letting_my_boyfriend_be_the_hero/) - 16 May 2020
So... he called me last night and I answered. He asked if I was okay and how I was doing. Then he asked if he could come over and I said he could. I planned on bringing everything up again myself because he had been very passive-aggressive and refusing to talk about it, but when he showed up, he immediately started apologizing.
Everything you guys pointed out, he started agreeing with. He was saying that he was being delusional, unrealistic, the whole hero fantasy isn't healthy, he jeopardized my safety and that wasn't okay, etc. I wasn't prepared for this behavior, especially compared to how he'd been acting all week.
We talked for hours before we went to bed together and everything seemed like it worked out fine. I was really on the verge of ending things, so it was a relief I didn't have to in that moment. Then this morning came and shit hit the fan.
In my comment update on the last post, I mentioned that a friend was trying to mediate. I texted that friend that things worked out, and they said something along the lines of "I'm so glad you were able to apologize!" ...hmm. Some people mentioned that maybe he told a different story, which isn't something I looked into. but I decided to ask, and WHOO BOY, I'm glad I did.
Firstly, he told everyone that the night walk was MY idea. Then, apparently, we were NEVER MUGGED! Nope! Apparently I just started talking shit to a stranger on the street in an attempt to make him show he was a "strong man" and protect me! And the only reason we were able to get away was because HE deescalated the situation, and that it was emasculating because he was put in a position where he felt like he was FORCED to fight "for my honor".
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.
To make a long story short, he tried to play dumb and back pedal this morning when I confronted him about it, and then when I pressed him to be honest, he snapped again, and said: "What was I supposed to say? The whole situation was embarrassing, and it was going to make me look bad!"
We argued again for a bit, but I was just done. I told him to go and that it wasn't gonna work. He didn't have much stuff so it was easy to put in a spare grocery bag and just toss at him while he angrily left. He's currently outside of my complex waiting for mommy to pick him up.
As far as I'm concerned, I dodged a bullet. Fuck his friends, fuck his mom, and fuck him. Thank you for opening my eyes, Reddit.
TL;DR: He came back ready to talk, it seemed like everything worked out fine and he was understanding. Turns out he lied to everybody about what happened and got mad when I confronted him. I kicked him out.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 20,822 | 2022-12-02T07:03:28 | Am I the buttface for not letting my boyfriend be the hero while we were getting mugged at knife point? | REPOST | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zaeipd/am_i_the_buttface_for_not_letting_my_boyfriend_be/ | false | false | [
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zaihai | [removed] | 1 | 2022-12-02T10:40:46 | OOP finds her husband and her sister naked together in her kitchen | INCONCLUSIVE | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zaihai/oop_finds_her_husband_and_her_sister_naked/ | false | false | [
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zak2wk | [removed] | 1 | 2022-12-02T11:55:01 | AITA for snapping at my In-Laws for saying my husband "ruined" his life? | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zak2wk/aita_for_snapping_at_my_inlaws_for_saying_my/ | false | false | [
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zaq6k5 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-12-02T16:14:49 | Best and latest of minecraft | ONGOING | Goerge1988 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zaq6k5/best_and_latest_of_minecraft/ | false | false | [
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zaqelx | [removed] | 1 | 2022-12-02T16:24:12 | Minecraft LIVE (You don't want to miss) | EXTERNAL | Goerge1988 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zaqelx/minecraft_live_you_dont_want_to_miss/ | false | false | [
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zar8vz | [removed] | 1 | 2022-12-02T16:59:23 | People who got cheated on, did you expose them? If so how? | NEW UPDATE | Aggressive_Order_972 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zar8vz/people_who_got_cheated_on_did_you_expose_them_if/ | false | false | [
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zaszjq | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/cat_beans in r/legaladvice**
trigger warning: >!non-consensual voyeurism!<
mood spoiler: >!frustrating!<
---
&nbsp;
[**Washington State: Neighbor is currently video recording me and has a camera directly pointed at my bedroom window. What can I do?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/5r4lco/washington_state_neighbor_is_currently_video/) - 30 January 2017
I spoke with police here and they said that he legally has the right to record anything he wants.
However, I am sure I have some right to privacy. When the police visited my neighbor regarding the camera, my neighbor did move the camera ever so slightly toward the street. Now, a month later, the camera is directly pointing into my bedroom window again.
My home is about 50 feet away from his. It is clear that this is where it is recording. He has also threatened me when I have asked personally to move the camera, and he replied with, "My house, my rules", as well as a mention of a recording of me calling him the "N-word" (I didn't) on said camera.
I just want it pointed away from my bedroom window. I'm sure he can hear what goes on in the bedroom as well.
What are my options?
Am I allowed to put up a board on my property blocking the camera view from my window? Honestly, that's about all I have left in the tank.
Thanks.
&nbsp;
[**Update - Washington State: Neighbor is currently video recording me and has a camera directly pointed at my bedroom window. What can I do?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/6sjjwt/update_washington_state_neighbor_is_currently/) - 9 August 2017
So a ton has happened since I last posted. I had mentioned in the comments that my neighbor had been basically using sound terrorism to harass us. I began a writing in a log of each event that occurred, with the time, the date, the description, if I called the police (I did for almost every one), and it began to show an alarming pattern—he was playing sounds at random times of the night every single night. After each major event of sounds, I would drop off a written statement to my local police station for the code enforcement officer. The city was now looking at charging him for noise violations based on my complaints.
I took my three page log and copies of seven signed statements and finally had enough of the police taking their time to work on the case against my neighbor. I dropped $95 on paperwork to begin an anti-harassment order against my neighbor. I made sure to explicitly mention the camera pointed in my bedroom window and the ongoing noises.
He was served the temporary order that very day by the local police, and sure enough, the noises ramped up. Before our court date to discuss the anti-harassment order, we were subpoenaed to be witnesses for the noise violation. We also brought the former owner of the home as well as the person who lived on the other side of my neighbor as witnesses to his noise-making capabilities. My neighbor never showed to the court date, and at that point had $1,250 pending in tickets. His lawyer showed up an hour late and the judge graciously accepted his plea to move the date a month forward. Disappointment.
Then the date for the anti-harassment order came. Once again, my neighbor didn't show and his lawyer begged for more time to look over the case. The judge was just and said that everyone has a right to defend their first amendment rights, so he moved the court date for a month later as well. Disappointment number two.
The noises are continuing on the regular at this point and we are trying to record them as best as we can on our phones. It was really hard to do because the noises were short, and happened at random in the middle of the night.
The date for the second anti-harassment hearing arrived and finally, we saw our neighbor come through the courtroom and sit in the back. When it was our turn to explain the situation, we made sure to present our call log, our statements, and videos that we had as evidence against our neighbor. Our neighbor's lawyer tried to get us to give up the call log because he mentioned he was not aware of it before our court date. The judge basically told the lawyer to go fuck himself. The lawyer's only defense for my neighbor was that he worked long hours and couldn't possibly be awake in the middle of the night to terrorize us, and that conversely, WE were the ones making the noises. We then brought up the fact that our neighbor had a security camera pointed directly at our home, and he should have plenty of evidence to prove we were indeed the noisemakers. The judge very confidently approved our anti-harassment order stating no more noises, no more cameras in our windows or at us in general, and our neighbor is not allowed within 25 feet of us. He immediately moved the camera pointing in our bedroom window to being completely flush with the side of the house. Awesome!
This was great news. We finally achieved some peace! And then the date for the noise violation trial came. Just his lawyer showed up, and made a deal with the city lawyer that one ticket would be paid, in exchange for no appeal to our anti-harassment order and to throw out two tickets. It sucked, but they took the deal. Whatever.
And all seemed well.
Then, about a month after the anti-harassment order kicked in, the noises began, again. And the camera began to slowly point into our garage, back in the direction toward the bedroom window.
This time, the police noticed something more alarming.
A red light was going off in the tinted window directly below the camera on the outside of my neighbor's house. They shone their flashlight and spotted a lens. My neighbor had a camera inside his window pointed at my bedroom window the ENTIRE TIME the order was in place, and long before that.
The officers told us to stay quiet, don't be alarmed, but they now were actively seeking a search warrant for the property to seize any noise making equipment and to take down the cameras, as he had broken the order.
The next weekend, my neighbor was arrested and we got to sit outside on the front porch while they disassembled the cameras and seized speaker after speaker, megaphones, etc. from my neighbor's home. They said he had four foot of insulation surrounding the room with the camera, and the front door of the home was completely barred shut.
Unfortunately, they just seized the equipment and will eventually give it back. My neighbor was out of jail the next day, and since they didn't have a search warrant for his hard drives, they couldn't place any voyeurism charges, despite my insistence. They even mentioned they saw me and my husband on a laptop of his.
I'm just happy that the noises have stopped and as far as I know, no more hidden cameras. I'm just glad I could update this crazy situation for you guys. I'm sure I'm not out of the woods yet.
TL;DR: got an anti-harassment order and cameras were supposed to come down, neighbor was a creep and had a hidden camera for a month while the order was in place, probably longer. He got arrested and no more cameras.
&nbsp;
[**Update 2 - Washington State: Neighbor is currently video recording me and has a camera directly pointed at my bedroom window. What can I do?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/83lcds/update_2_washington_state_neighbor_is_currently/) - 11 March 2018
It’s close to a year now that we’ve dealt with the worst of my neighbor. Almost a year ago, we achieved the success of having an anti-harassment order granted. That summer, he was arrested for harassing us, and he stopped with the cameras and the noises.
But something was a-brewing behind those closed doors.
Around early November 2017, we had a knock on the door one evening. It was an officer asking if we had heard gunshots in the area. We had not. Soon into our conversation, he mentioned it was our neighbor who called and complained. They were aware of the situation and assured us that despite the situation, they have to respond to all gunshot calls. I was honestly not surprised that after all the quiet, something started up again.
The next day, a police cruiser parked across the street from our home. I was expecting someone to knock again and ask about gunshots. No one came to the door and the officer sat across the street watching my home for over an hour.
The next day, I emailed an officer I had been working with previously regarding the situation. The officer told me that my neighbor had been calling 911 every single day on my address for gunshots. By the time I got an email back it had been a week.
Every. Single. Day. This man was coming home from work, eating dinner, tending to daily life, and calling 911 on us for shooting guns. The officer said he would look into seeing if this counted as harassment through a third party.
The new year came and went, and in early January, I emailed the officer back and his response was simply that the city prosecutor wanted to set up a phone conference to discuss the plan going forward.
The city prosecutor mentioned to me that at that point in time, my neighbor had still been calling 911 every day. Even the morning of the conference call. She said they contacted all of my other neighbors to see if they heard any gunshots, and asked if they would testify that they have not heard anything come from our property. They also plan to charge my neighbor with some counts of harassment and wrongfully utilizing emergency services. Part of his deal with the arrest over the summer involved him able to avoid jail time by having good behavior, and they are looking for their time back essentially. His arraignment date came, and his pre-trial was set. Came and went. It’s being continued until next month.
I am worried that he will try to continue this case until the end of time. Our anti-harassment order expires soon and we will have to drag him to court once again to renew it, and spend more money. Things are starting to feel pretty dim again and honestly, the recent continuance knocked the wind out of my sails. All I can do until I am called as a witness/victim, is wait.
&nbsp;
[**Update 3 - Washington State: Neighbor is currently video recording me and has a camera directly pointed at my bedroom window. What can I do?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/874o01/update_3_washington_state_neighbor_is_currently/) - 26 March 2018
Remember how I said that the city prosecutor was all on board to help me finish this? Well, things have changed.
The second pre-trial after the case was continued is coming up. I contacted the prosecutor to ask why the case was continued.
Apparently the prosecutor went on an extended leave of absence and gave the case to another prosecutor. Okay, no big deal. I was given the contact of the new prosecutor, and emailed them to check for an update. No response. Two weeks have gone by, and two emails were sent with no response from the prosecutor. I even contacted the prosecutor's assistant, and no one has gotten back to me. Dead silence.
To say that I am disappointed is an understatement. I don't know what to do, because the original prosecutor was so gung-ho about finishing this case and now I can't get ahold of anyone. This is so uncommon, because when I had questions before, usually I would get a phone call with an answer, and at least an email response.
My neighbor keeps adding trash cans to the fence line. These are large, heavy duty cans with lids. I really don't know what it's about but it's making me extremely uneasy. This whole situation is seriously giving me anxiety and I just want it to be over. Radio silence from the only people who are trying to help me is making things so much worse.
What should I do?
&nbsp;
[**Update 4 - Washington State: Neighbor is currently video recording me and has a camera directly pointed at my bedroom window. What can I do? [FINAL UPDATE]**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8n4d3q/update_4_washington_state_neighbor_is_currently/) - 30 May 2018
So it's all over. The prosecutor called me and said of course, they aren't wanting to plead guilty to all the charges and instead of jail time, his attorney wants 30 days of house arrest. Which is what he does already, just sits in his house and never leaves.
The trial was pushed to July and we are moving out of state around that time. I told the prosecutor that we wouldn't be here to be witnesses. I have no soul left or fight in me.
Thanks for all your help, everyone. The justice system has failed us.
&nbsp;
[**Update 5 - Washington State: Neighbor is currently video recording me and has a camera directly pointed at my bedroom window. What can I do? [I lied about the final update]**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8ymomo/update_5_washington_state_neighbor_is_currently/) - 13 July 2018
Hello all. Thanks for listening and following this ridiculous thread of events.
My neighbor pled guilty to 3 (of 19) counts using emergency services inappropriately and one other charge they won't explain. He cannot talk to me or my husband, and cannot bother anyone on this property, ever. He is also required to have a mental health evaluation, which he was supposed to go do on his own when this started rolling. The result of breaking any of these rules will hopefully be jail time.
Now is the new dilemma.
He was outside today looking at our brand new for sale sign on the house. Not kidding, and maybe this is just paranoia, but my realtor called and said someone had scheduled an appointment to view the home this evening at 6pm. We haven't told him about the situation because honestly we thought nothing was going to come out of this and we had lost. Now the new people that will be moving in when we sell are protected, but we figured to let sleeping dogs lie and let our neighbor be the first one to mess things up. We were put in the same situation with the last owner of the home and it isn't illegal in WA to not disclose these things. I think my neighbor is trying to tour my home.
I have no problem with him wanting to buy the home, but I am not interested in him snooping. I know my realtor will be monitoring him but a part of me is wondering if he will be trying to take photos of my stuff, etc. I have partially lost my mind even considering that man will be in our home. What can I do? My husband was thinking about parking down the street when the appointment time was and making sure. I suggested a nanny cam. Both of which are probably insane to do. I am afraid that telling my realtor will also result in a nightmare.
EDIT: It wasn’t my neighbor that toured the home, thank god. But now we have a nest camera set up so we will know.
&nbsp;
[**Update 6 - Washington State: Neighbor is currently video recording me and has a camera directly pointed at my bedroom window. What can I do? [It continues]**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/996s3y/update_6_washington_state_neighbor_is_currently/) - 21 August 2018
So my neighbor decided to throw up some nice floodlights pointed over his fence right at our bedroom window right after his court date. In that time we have sold the home and moved to an apartment in transition to our new destination, far far away.
He turned on the floodlights every night at 10pm and they would clearly shine through the bedroom window even with the black out film, and really shone through our guest bedroom where my mom stayed for a week to visit. Police came out and took pics and drove by several nights to confirm they were still up. Part of his plea deal is to not commit "similar incidences" and further harass us. This comes into play later.
I called the police and they ended up serving me papers saying I was required to be a witness in court. Court day came, they were asking for jail time, and my neighbor's attorney asked for a continuance because he didn't have time to review the new info.
They granted it.
Second week comes around, we rescheduled for a special hearing with a pro tem judge. Mistake.
Today was the hearing and the second time we all had to take off work to show up. The judge immediately told the city prosecutor since she didn't have a formal briefing, that he was not familiar with the case and that it would not be heard today. Typically the judge who does hear the city's cases is well informed and the prosecutor objected to this saying it is not a requirement, you knew what was on the docket today. The judge further mentioned that because specific charges were not filed and they were just asking for jail time given back onto the jail time they waived at the previous hearing, he wasn't interested in doing this today. He read the plea deal and said that "similar incidences" is too vague, and should be thrown out and he didn't know how shining lights on our property was similar to whatever he got in trouble for in the first place. Then he mentioned he had court in Seattle in two hours and wasn't interested in hearing my testimony today. Also, since we will be gone by October, he didn't see the issue in why we were even there - since we moved, we can't be harassed anymore so problem solved.
I broke down in tears of sheer frustration. The prosecutor said I don't have to be a witness anymore and they would talk to the usual judge in the case. And to keep in touch with her. When my neighbor walked out, he did a very dramatic prayer hands in the air, like he knew he won. I give up again. We're leaving, it's over, I will never get my day in court. I will never know what I did to this man to make him harass me so deeply. I will never get two years of my life back.
Edit: The only good thing out of this is the police report that we got after they raided his home last summer. Dude's a weirdo sexual deviant even in the eyes of a very liberal and accepting Washingtonian.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 17,715 | 2022-12-02T18:07:44 | Neighbor is currently video recording me and has a camera directly pointed at my bedroom window. What can I do? | CONCLUDED | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zaszjq/neighbor_is_currently_video_recording_me_and_has/ | false | false | [
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zauxr0 | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/CharmingDentist9993 in /r/relationship_advice **
SHORT UPDATE
---
&nbsp;
[**How do I [M17] tell my best friend [M18] I slept with his sister [F19] and want to continue doing it?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qinhze/how_do_i_m17_tell_my_best_friend_m18_i_slept_with/) - Oct 29 2021
My best friend D [M18] and I [M17] have known each other since we were 4 years old and have pretty much been inseparable since. We went to primary school and currently attend high school together and plan to move out next summer to rent an apartment and go to uni.
Naturally, I’ve known his sister L [F19] as long as I’ve known him. I’ve never had a crush on her but it's obvious she is very attractive. I have talked about this a couple of times with D and made (respectful) jokes about it. She was 1 year my senior in primary & high school and currently goes to our city’s university, which is a different uni than where D & I plan to go to. I’ve hung out with N at loads of parties D & I went to but only twice did something happen between us since we made out, and even that was platonic since it happened during a spin the bottle game and in a closet (lmao). This happened last year, D was present at both parties.
Last weekend L told me she’d visit her parents and I met her and some of her roommates at a gathering this Wednesday. I had no clue she would be there. D was not there because he was ill.
Long story short, L & I ended up making out and went to her place to have sex. Both of us were completely sober. We hung out the next morning and then went our separate ways and today she asked me if I wanted to hang out and do it again this weekend. Honestly, I want to, but I don’t want to keep my mouth shut about what happened to D. I went to his house after I’d hung out with his sister at her place that morning and he asked me how the party was and I just said it was great. I would have told him right then and there but for some fucking reason I didn’t tell him. He is a very chill guy and I know that there is a 99,9% chance he will respond well but for some reason I have been keeping my mouth shut about this for almost two days now to a guy who knows more about me than I do myself.
How do I tell him I had sex with his sister? Also how do I explain I did not tell him right away and that both of us want to do it again. Not telling him is not an option and waiting is only going to make this ordeal worse.
I talked with L about telling D that I slept at her place and we agreed it would be better for me to tell him first. I think both of us just want to hook up and not "date".
TL:DR: Slept with my best friend’s sister, want to continue sleeping with her, how do I tell him.
&nbsp;
*From the comments*
> Wait a minute. You can't tell your business without telling the girl's as well. and she has a right not to have her brother know that if she doesn't want him to.
>
> If you like her well enough to date her, take the other poster's advice and tell your friend that you are interested in his sister and are going to ask her out. You dont have to ask permission, and he has no right to ask personal questions.
>
> I you don't like your bf sister well enough to date her its best to leave her alone.
She wants him to know and she agreed it was best if I told him we had hooked up.
I don't think she is interested in dating.
> what the fuck is a 19 year old doing fucking a high schooler?
I'll still be 17 when I graduate and will just have turned 18 when I enter university. There is no issue with this at all. [In] the Netherlands, age of consent 16.
Obviously you don't know all details but to me this situation is perfectly normal. Maybe if the roles were reversed it would be weird, or if she and I didn't have history, but like this it's absolutely not at all.
Also, if I were to date a girl 1 year my junior in high school, do you think I should break up with her the moment I go to uni, and try to reconnect the moment she enters uni? Would it matter if she was older than me?
&nbsp;
[**[UPDATE] How do I [M17] tell my best friend [M18] I slept with his sister [F19] and want to continue doing it?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qkewuw/update_how_do_i_m17_tell_my_best_friend_m18_i/) - Nov 1 2021
I told my friend I hooked up with his sister and wouldn't mind doing it again. He was calm about it and said he didn't mind. His exact words were "better you than some idiot." I made it a bigger deal than it was, but I won't actively reach out to the sister, when she's not around, for hookups.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 6,113 | 2022-12-02T19:22:47 | OOP: How do I tell my best friend I slept with his sister and want to continue doing it [SHORT] | CONCLUDED | bigbluesandwich | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zauxr0/oop_how_do_i_tell_my_best_friend_i_slept_with_his/ | false | false | [
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zaxw1n | [removed] | 1 | 2022-12-02T21:15:10 | Grant theft Auto (Don't miss out on it)! | INCONCLUSIVE | Goerge1988 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zaxw1n/grant_theft_auto_dont_miss_out_on_it/ | false | false | [
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zaynbh | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/thrwy_sluttydad in r/amitheasshole**
trigger warnings: >!slut shaming, homophobia!<
---
&nbsp;
[**AITA for telling my mom she must have had no self-respect to marry my dad?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q9atd4/aita_for_telling_my_mom_she_must_have_had_no/) - 16 October 2021
Some context: My (16F) high school has an annual fall dance. Not last year, for obvious reasons. But it's back on this year with covid restrictions, of course, and it's been unseasonably warm this season (thanks global warming?) so a lot of the dance will be taking place outside. Anyway, the boys are supposed to ask the girls, and yesterday at lunch, a boy asked me and I agreed to go with him.
My dad has always been a traditional kind of guy when it comes to me and my younger sister (14F). So last night at dinner, I mentioned that I had a date for the dance, and he made a crack about answering the door with his shotgun. The thing is, I'm pretty sure he would do it. I told him that if he was going to be like that, I'd just meet up with our friend group at school. He then got very serious and told me in an angry tone that he didn't want me sneaking around with some guy without his knowledge. He asked me what I even knew about this guy. He then said he didn't want me to to turn into one of those "slutty girls" who give it all away to the first guy they meet and who no self-respecting man would ever want to marry.
That's when I flipped a switch. I like to think I'm a pretty good kid. I get good grades, I play volleyball, I help my sister with her homework and help drive her to her soccer practice, I've never had a boyfriend. So being talked to like I was some lovestruck idiot who was going to wind up pregnant because I'm choosing to go to a dance with a friend really annoyed me. Also, I know a bit about my dad's history. He was in a frat in college, and he's told stories to my cousin (18M), who recently started college at a big state school where frat culture is a big thing.
So I told him that:
a) this guy is my friend and he seems nice, but if he turns out to be a dick I'll figure it out
b) I only agreed to go to a dance. The last time I checked, going to a dance was not a binding sexual contract.
And here's where I may have crossed the line. I told him that I knew he was in a frat in college, and I know what goes on in those places. I also know the stories he's told my cousin. So in the heat of the moment, I said something along the lines of:
"By your own logic, the only slut in the family is **you.**"
Then I looked at my mom and said "you must have had no self-respect to have married him."
By the looks on their faces, I could tell what I said was hurtful. And then of course, I got yelled at and probably won't be able to go to the dance at all. But I feel like it's unfair for him to give me a lecture about "slutty" behavior and self-worth when he's recently been bragging to my male cousin about doing MUCH worse things when he was just a few years older than me. But maybe I crossed the line trying to prove my point. AITA?
Verdict: NTA
**UPDATE:**
oh god oh fuck oh god oh fuck. I did it. I came out, and I did it out of spite. I picked a whole god damn bouquet of whoopsie-daisies.
To be clear, I know I said in the comments that I wasn't sure if I was into guys, but that's kind of because I figured I should experiment with men out of obligation before deciding about my sexuality. But the more my dad talked about the whole pregnancy thing last night and the more I thought about it, I realized that it's just so far out of the realm of interest. And I've had crushes on girls, although it's hard to admit to myself. It's not super duper ok in my family.
So I took the comments saying I need to apologize to my mom to heart, and I realized y'all were right - she didn't deserve that. I made her an omelette and a coffee and brought it to her in bed and sat down with her on the bed so we could talk about what happened. My dad was out of the house. I just explained to her that I said what I did last night out of anger, and that I was hurt that all these horrible accusations were being thrown at me when I feel like I've given them no reason to doubt my judgement. I apologized to her and told her how out of line it was for me to attack her when it wasn't her who I was angry at. And that I feel like my dad doesn't really see me as a valuable person because he believes that I'm not smart enough to take my own decisions seriously, and that if I did make a mistake, I wouldn't be worth anything to him or anyone. I cried, because it was hurtful. She understood and was starting to talk, but then my dad walked in.
Keep in mind, I was still angry at him. And he walked into the whole scene and said something nasty. He saw I was crying and said "oh, hormones, looks like someone's pregnant already." The look on his face said it was a joke. But I hated it.
My mind went into mean girl overdrive. Granted, what I did was not smart. But I was done. So I said, "Good news, I don't think me having sex with men and getting pregnant is something you'll ever have to worry about".
He looked at me.
I looked at him.
He looked at me.
I looked at him.
It clicked.
Now he's out for a drive and the whole house has been quiet. I'm kind of hiding in my room.
Oops.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE: AITA for telling my mom she must have had no self-respect to marry my dad?**](https://www.reddit.com/user/thrwy_sluttydad/comments/r9vg5g/update_aita_for_telling_my_mom_she_must_have_had/) - 6 December 2021
Hi Reddit,
A lot of people have been messaging me asking for an update, and first of all, I just want to thank you all for the outpouring of support. I think we can all agree that the internet can bring out the best and worst in people - in this case, wow. Nothing but the best, no hateful DMs whatsoever or weird shit, just genuine people sending love. This could not be more appreciated, trust me.
So the first thing I'd like to say is a lot of people were worried for my safety, but rest assured I am 100% fine. Apologies for not updating sooner, but as you can imagine, things got crazy and with a multiple balls in the air (metaphorically, I'm gay lol) I just felt the dust wasn't settled enough to post an update. But we're here now!
I want to start by saying that my relationship with my family, especially my dad, is continuously improving. Let's rewind to the return from the trip to Taco Bell.
So where we left off, my sister and I went to TB and hung out in the parking lot for a while. She told me that eventually, we would have to go home, and I realized she was right. So I drove us home. Not gonna lie, I was shaking. I didn't know quite what I would be walking into.
When I got home, the house was weirdly quiet. I think my mom was in my parents' room, and my dad was out on the back porch with a beer. Not catatonic, exactly, but alarmingly still. I'd gotten him some TB before my sister and I left (it always used to be our thing) - a cruchwrap (or what I call the meat frisbee). I went out on the porch and sat down, asked if we could talk. He said yes, but it was minutes of awkward silence. Eventually he told me he was surprised. I asked why, and he said "well, you just don't *look* gay".
This wasn't surprising. Without revealing details about my appearance or my location, I'm from the suburbs and I look like it. To my dad, he has a very specific idea of what a gay girl looks like, so it just didn't quite compute for him at the time. I kind of said "well, I don't know what to tell you there".
There was quite a bit more silence and tension. And, being me, I decided to break the ice by saying something cheeky. I asked him if he had any tips for me from his frat days. When he asked what I meant, I said something along the lines of "oh, you know. For scoring points with the ladies".
This was where the mood shifted. He lost it laughing, and I did too. I knew then everything was going to be absolutely fine between us.
My parents both have a lot to learn about this stuff. While my parents try to be open-minded, they have a lot of confusion about LGBTQ+ stuff (for example, they're not fully there on understanding pronouns. I'm trying to get them there). But they're more and more on board with what it means to have a gay daughter. And frankly, I'm new here, so I'm figuring out what it means to be gay too.
For those wondering, I went to the dance and it was well...a high school dance. A fun time but nothing lifechanging.
I've been coming out to my friends slowly but surely, and the reaction has been hilarious. Essentially the overwhelming response is "yeah... this isn't new information". I guess I was the last one to figure it out.
Again, TY internet strangers for all the support. Much love to you all.
&nbsp;
[**Explaining to my dad that he's disrespecting my SAHM**](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/rtducg/explaining_to_my_dad_that_hes_disrespecting_my/) - 1 January 2022
Hello again reddit,
Some of you may remember me, I posted on AITA a while back about a weird coming out story. You can look at my prof for info. Anyway, my dad, as many of you have pointed out, is certainly a character. He's been really good about understanding in terms of my coming out, but let's just say that we have a lot of learning to do. Anyway, this story has nothing to do with me and everything to do with my mom.
So as I may have mentioned, my mom is a shy personality, she's also been a SAHM all my life. And let me tell you, I get so miffed about the flack SAHMs get in the world. It is WORK. I know, cuz I'm kind of an AH and my mom just was constantly there for us growing up. Now that I'm older and I can help with driving my younger sister it helps, but she still handles cooking, cleaning, organizing our extracurriculars - everything.
Anyway, my dad has had a habit all my life of making a point out of how my mom contributes nothing financially. And I just don't think he comprehends what he has. And now that I came out and the dust has settled, I thought in for a penny, in for a pound, I've learned the value in standing up to him and I think he weirdly respects it. So onto what happened.
He made a comment the other night b/c my younger sister recently had a growth spurt and obviously needs new clothes, so she wanted to take her on a shopping trip. He decided to say something along the lines of "I'm sorry, with whose money?" and that pissed me off. So because it's my break from school I decided to get elaborately weird because I don't have a lot going on. I decided to make a power point presentation earlier tonight (in lime green comic sans font and transitions) explaining what mom does and how insane it is to suggest she doesn't contribute financially to their relationship. I prefaced this by saying something along the lines of "this is what you'd have to do/who you would have to hire to maintain your quality of life if god forbid, mom was gone tomorrow". The text of the slides are as follows. (feel free to correct my numbers in the comments).
Title: "So you think mom doesn't financially contribute to this relationship?"
Slide 1: "The first thing you'd need (especially 5 years ago) is a 24/7 live-in nanny. According to google, the average salary is 35k/year (insanely low) but considering this nanny would have no vacation time or hours per night guaranteed off work, let's tack on another 15k.
Slide 2: Mom doesn't just take care of us, she cooks everything. The average salary of a personal chef per year, according to Google, is nearly 49k/year. Again, factor in 3 meals a day and no vacation time, no weekends. So tack on another 15k at least.
Slide 3: Babysitters and chefs don't provide cleaning services. So you would need a part-time housekeeper, 7 days/week. Let's say 4 hours/day. Assuming they were paid well, $15/hr x 4 hrs x 7 days x 52 = 21,840
Slide 4: Mom deals with all our appointments, extracurriculars, organizing stuff. So you'd at least need a part time personal assistant. Let's just say around the same hourly and schedule as a housekeeper. $21,840.
Slide 5: Mom also helped with our homework, which not all babysitters would do. So you might need a tutor 5 nights a week (sunday- thursday). Likely 3 hours. Average part-time tutor salary in the US is 33k/year.
Slide 6: Speaking of, let's do some of that addition that mom taught me!
35+15+49+15+2(21,840)+33=190,680
Slide 7: Happy New Year, Dad!
&#x200B;
So obviously the fight came. He said I had no business poking my nose into finances, which, fair. But I argued that he made it my business when he kept holding it over mom. He said he works his ass off for us, which he does. But I said he wouldn't be able to dedicate that much energy to work if mom didn't literally take care of everything else in his life for him. And that he should appreciate what she does because they both contribute to the house in different ways. And that she makes his quality of life possible with everything that he does.
I'm willing to admit that I went overboard here but my mom does so much and my dad couldn't get by without her. And she's just so quiet and just takes it. And she's been so supportive of my coming out process and she deserves someone to stand up for her. And she deserves to go shopping, and when she does she deserves to get something for herself. She's basically giving him 190k/year.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 10,137 | 2022-12-02T21:40:57 | AITA for telling my mom she must have had no self-respect to marry my dad? | NEW UPDATE | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zaynbh/aita_for_telling_my_mom_she_must_have_had_no/ | false | false | [
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zb86ee | **I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/MadDadThrowaway8630](https://www.reddit.com/user/MadDadThrowaway8630/). He originally posted in r/AITA. I fixed the title per his edit at the bottom of the first post.
**Trigger Warnings:** >!Food tampering, religious bigotry!<
**Mood Spoiler:** >!Hopeful for the nuclear family unit!<
**Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z4i1cv/aita_for_not_making_my_son_apologize_to_his_mil/)**: November 25, 2022**
I (m41) am married to my wife (f37). I have two kids from my previous marriage, (b15) (g13). I am Jewish, as was my first wife before she passed. My current wife is not. We have no kids together. My kids have always got along with their stepmom and her family fairly well, until recently.
Thanksgiving with my wife’s family is a huge affair, and it’s the only chance a lot of the family has to see each other during the year. My kids and I do not eat pork, but there are always options for us or we bring something we specifically can eat, like vegetarian lasagna.
Wednesday night I had dinner with my wife’s parents at their place. I should mention that my wife is not very personally religious although she attends services with her parents monthly. My PIL are very, very conservative-style Evangelicals. We mostly don’t talk about our religious difference although I once had to stop my MIL from encouraging my daughter to be baptized.
Everything was fine until the end of the meal when my MIL crossed her arms and said “See, we told you nothing bad would happen.” I asked her what she meant. My MIL said she had mixed bacon into one of the dishes (a casserole) to prove a point to us.
I tried to ask very calmly why she would do something like that. My MIL said it was to show that there was no point in following ‘the Old Testament law’ anymore. I asked my FIL if he knew what she had done and he said yes. He seemed more uncomfortable but he talked a bit about how Christ came to free us from the Jewish law and that they wanted to show us how we could be freed from the law as well. (He has worked as a pastor in the past).
By this time my daughter was crying and left the room. My wife got up and followed her. My son has been growing more observant as he gets older (he is more observant than me or my daughter). He flipped out. He screamed at my PIL that they were terrible people, called my MIL some very nasty names, and said he never wanted to come back. My FIL started shouting back and my MIL started crying. I told my kids to get in the car and then told my wife we were leaving. She told me she would stay at her parents so she could help with Thanksgiving prep the next morning.
I was texting with my wife on TG and she told me my son is not welcome to come until he apologizes for the things he called my MIL. I told her that’s ridiculous but she is siding with her parents. I told my kids we would not be attending Thanksgiving. Instead we ordered Chinese and watched movies. My son was fine with it but I could tell my daughter was down. She missed out on seeing a lot of friends she has in my wife’s family. My wife is still at her parents as of now.
I should mention that I too am very angry at what happened and what I feel is the disrespect shown to me and especially my kids. I am torn on whether to encourage my son to apologize contingent on a mutual apology to us.
AITA?
EDIT 1). The title says my son and his MIL. I meant my MIL, his step-grandmother.
*OOP is voted NTA*
**Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z4i1cv/aita_for_not_making_my_son_apologize_to_his_mil/ixuw7dg/?context=3)**: November 26, 2022 (in comments)**
Wow, I’m overwhelmed by the outpouring of support. Thanks everyone.
* When I wrote this post, I was still numb and paralyzed. I didn’t realize how much. Looking back, I agree with many of the commenters and wish I had had the presence of mind to communicate how heinous and violating my MIL and FIL were in the heat of the moment, instantly.
* My wife came back home a few hours after the post. When I said she was taking her parents side, it was about my son apologizing for calling my MIL the b-word and c-word. She claims she had no idea what they planned to do and spent most of the holiday fighting with her parents.
* On reflection though, I am very disappointed in her reaction as well as my own. After some discussion we will be taking some further steps. My son will be making no apologies for anything. My MIL and FIL are not welcome in my home nor will we be going to theirs. All contact with my kids is cut off. I have contacted my rabbi and lawyers about how best to move forward.
* As to my marriage, we will be attending couples counseling. My wife has been a rock and a loving stepmother for our four year marriage, and she has particularly bonded with my daughter. I don’t know if our marriage can survive this though, because my trust has broken, my son especially has had his trust broken, and my relationship with my PIL is irrevocably broken. I will pursue a restraining order if they try to initiate contact with my kids.
I have tried to communicate on here calmly without breaking out into how angry and violated we all feel. Thank you to everyone who validated that.
*Final Comment:*
I have made the decision as a parent to not penalize my son for anything he said in response to being violated and assaulted by my PIL. I am very proud of him and for the way he stood up for the dignity of both himself and his sister. He is a true mensch. | 9,060 | 2022-12-03T05:01:34 | AITA for not making my son apologize to my MIL after an argument? | ONGOING | LucyAriaRose | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zb86ee/aita_for_not_making_my_son_apologize_to_my_mil/ | false | false | [
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zb9q24 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-12-03T06:30:41 | If 12 Noon is High noon...is midnight Low noon? Do that means that tge time now is half passed Dark Noon? :O | ONGOING | AmethystOutlaw | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zb9q24/if_12_noon_is_high_noonis_midnight_low_noon_do/ | false | false | [
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zbaju4 | **I am not the OOP. OOP is u/badmommaaa**
#[POST: 8 Feb 2015 - Me [28F] with my husband [30M] He wanted many children, I didn't want any, agreed on one and it was a mistake](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2v6tmp/me_28f_with_my_husband_30m_he_wanted_many/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Throwaway.
My husband and I have been together for 6 years, married for two. We've had an amazing relationship. He's always wanted a large family, lots of kids, house with a picket fence, you know the deal. I've never liked children, but everyone, EVERYONE I've talked to told me "It's different when they're your own."
So we went ahead and had a baby. Long story short, it's the worst decision I've ever made. Our daughter is a year old and not a minute goes by where I don't regret my decision. I feel lied to by all the family and friends that pressured me and made me feel like it was something I was supposed to do.
Everyone wants kids, they said. Even if you don't think so, you'll be glad you did. I'm kicking myself for listening to them.
It's not the screaming, wailing, shrieking. It's not the neediness, the tantrums, or the lack of sleep.
It's the fact that this is a LIFELONG commitment that I can never get out of. This baby is 100% dependent on my husband and I. We don't have a sex life anymore; Hell, we barely have a marriage anymore. The baby took over all of our time and energy.
I feel guilty for feeling this way. I've been to therapy, and am still going, but what can really help this situation? I resent my baby for taking away the life I loved. I can never have that back. Every damn day I wish I could go back and not have her. I should never have listened to anyone else. I'm at the end of my rope. What can I do?
tl;dr: Had a baby after people told me it would be a good decision and that it would be different when the kid was my own, it was the worst decision of my entire life.
Some comments from OOP (formatted for brevity):
1. I don't want to divorce him. He's been my partner for a long time and I don't want to throw that away.
2. Thank you. I'm on the verge of tears right now. I wish someone had told me it was alright NOT to have them and took me seriously. I felt like having this baby was really my only choice. And thank you for valuing MY life too, my family makes it seem like our daughter is the only important person in the world. I feel like I'm just a mom, not the person I once was.
3. Hubby is wonderful with her. We both work full time jobs, my mother watches her while we work. I cook dinner every night and he does the bath/change/watch over her routine while I do that. This is going to sound bad, but I actually try to make sure my time with her is limited because there's only so much noise I can take, and she gets VERY loud. (No health issues, just a vocal baby.) So he takes care of her about 70 percent of the time we are around her.
4. He knows there will never be another one as long as we're together. He's seen the strain on me and on our marriage, and while he is good with her he admitted it is exhausting.
#[UPDATE: 27 May 2015 - 28F with husband 30M with our baby girl that we shouldn't have had.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/37gjag/update_28f_with_husband_30m_with_our_baby_girl/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Here was my post for those that remember me. I just wanted to give an update, since many of you were very kind and supportive and deserve to know what's happened since then.
It's been three months. We split up. It's been the worst thing, even worse than I thought. I ended up coming clean and showing him my OP, and he didn't take it well. He was confused, said that I was a great mother and he had no idea I felt that way.
I told him I would like to do couples therapy with him, so that he could see how I feel when our emotions aren't going haywire and I can be rational. Basically I suggested he sit in with me when I go to therapy, and he agreed. At first he was more than willing to work with me.
He said he would do most of the child care, which he already does. He said he'd let me do all the fun stuff, playing with her, reading to her, singing, cuddling. To me, none of that is fun! I told him so, and suggested that maybe we could even get separate housing (we both make good money). I could get a one bedroom apartment and see him for dinner, and just go to sleep at a different place. That's when it hit him that I was really serious about not wanting her.
He started crying, told me this wasn't what he expected when we said our vows, and I might have said some things like "Well I didn't expect to be pressured into having a child I didn't want, but that happened."
I stayed with my female co-worker for a few days to calm down. We went no contact for those days. When I came back home, all my stuff was packed and by the door. He was sitting on the couch, staring into space. Our baby was down for a nap, so we had to talk quietly.
He said he was going to file for divorce and ask for sole custody. I said okay. He seemed sad that I wasn't going to fight for her.
I ended up getting my own apartment like I said I would, but it's lonely. I'm fucking heartbroken. I haven't seen my daughter in three months, and a small part of me aches for what could have been, but overall I feel relief that I'm not dealing with that constant stress anymore.
I miss my husband more than I can express. I've gained thirty pounds since our fight. On the weekends when I don't have work I just binge watch netflix and don't shower. The reality of this situation is no one was going to end up happy. I doubt he is. But at least he loves her and I know he's taking good care of her, and that means he isn't falling into the same depression I am. I haven't gotten divorce papers yet, so maybe he isn't as dead-set on this breakup as I thought.
Sorry this wasn't a happy outcome, guys. I just wanted to update and..talk to someone other than my therapist. Thanks.
TL;DR! We split up. I'm miserable. Hopefully it's temporary.
Some comments from OOP (formatted for brevity):
1. His parents, of course, have taken his side. My own mother is currently not speaking to me. I have never felt more alone in my entire life.
I have been in therapy for months and sometimes I spend the entire session crying. I'm getting hate from my own family, saying that I'm being stupid and throwing away my life for no reason. NO ONE has taken my side. So yes, I got my freedom. Yes, I removed myself from my situation, and yes, my daughter will be better off without me.
I do not consider this a pyrrhic victory at all. I consider this one of the worst periods of my life.
2. Selfish?? I spent over a year sacrificing myself for someone else. 9 months carrying a baby, 12 months taking care of a screaming child that gives nothing back. I did it for my husband, out of love, to make him happy. I'm sorry that it's selfish to not be able to do it anymore.
3. Of course I can be wrong. I wish none of this had happened. I was wrong to have a baby. I was wrong to not get an abortion when I had the chance. But that doesn't matter now, it's done.
A lot of people seem to think I will change my mind and be a good mother because I think of what could have been. I don't think that's healthy for all of us involved. I do not think I am a good mother. I don't like being around her. She stresses me out and annoys me, and no, I don't think she's cute. So why would I go back, even if I could? I appreciate your kind words, but I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Maybe the best thing to do is move and get a fresh start.
4. He kicked me out. I wasn't set on leaving. I was looking for options and he decided it was best if I had the decision made for me.
5. I have been evaluated for PPD and do not have it. I've been going to a therapist for a long time for unrelated issues.
I do care about what happens to her, but in the way that you'd care about a stray animal you found in your backyard.
He's blocked my number. I will give him child support, but he has to be able to talk to me for that to happen. I've thought about going to my old place and waiting for him to come home, but I'm not in the best shape right now. I want to at least look human when I see him.
I'm trying to accept that he won't want me back. That seems to be Reddit's general consensus. There's nothing I'd like more for them to be wrong and he still love me, but maybe some things can't be fixed.
6. Raising a child I didn't want and having her grow up knowing that I resented her? As much as it hurts now, she IS better off without me around.
I didn't make the choice to leave--HE did. He kicked me out. I wanted to work on things, and he thought it was best that we go our seperate ways.
7. For him and I to be together again. It's unrealistic, but the hope that something will change is all I have right now.
8. I wish there was a way we could be happy together like we were before. I know that's impossible, but we were truly happy together.
**There have been no updates or comments since** | 10,893 | 2022-12-03T07:21:42 | OOP: Me [28F] with my husband [30M] He wanted many children, I didn't want any, agreed on one and it was a mistake | INCONCLUSIVE | Confident-Addition76 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zbaju4/oop_me_28f_with_my_husband_30m_he_wanted_many/ | false | false | [
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zbch9u | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/[deleted] in r/relationship_advice**
trigger warning: >!rape!<
---
&nbsp;
[**I (37M) have a biological child who I've never seen (17F) wanting to make contact which I don't want but my family does. What should I do here?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/k02e7g/i_37m_have_a_biological_child_who_ive_never_seen/) - 24 November 2020
PLEASE READ BEYOND THE TITLE AS IT'S DIFFERENT TO WHAT YOU EXPECT.
When I was 19, I was raped by an older colleague (34F) after a works night out and she got pregnant. It didn't go anywhere legally as it was my word against hers and she had the kid. Sadly as there's no proof it wasn't consensual, I had to pay child maintenance until it was 16.
Obviously as it was a product of what happened to me, I wanted nothing to do with it. Told her to raise her rape baby herself. The woman died (not sorry about it) a couple of years back and I've not heard anything about the kid since so I had no idea what was going on other than my maintenance stopping. Which was a relief because I finally felt like a millstone had been lifted from around my neck. Because of what happened, I never have been in relationships because of the issues it's caused me and I haven't got any kids or anything like that so I feel like I can start living a bit.
Brought down to earth a bit last month when my mum said the kid got in touch with her on social media and asked about me/my family and told them she was living with her grandparents herself after her mum died until they both died themselves so she's not got anyone now. Now my mum is one of these people with a massive soft spot for kids/young people so feels sorry for her. I told her I don't feel comfortable with her being in touch with us and I want nothing to do with her so keep her away from me. She seemed upset but I thought she accepted it. I will say throughout it all since then, my parents have been an absolute rock - they were some of the only people to support me and I couldn't have done it without them.
So I was talking to my mum at the weekend and she admitted to me that she's not only kept in touch with the kid, but she had met them the week before (and they didn't tell me). Basically they feel really bad for her because of the life she's had and are starting to enjoy her being in their life. Not only that, she's been asking about me and what happened and wants to meet me to talk and ask me questions.
Obviously, I'm upset about it. I not only had a go for going against my wishes, but for betraying my trust like that. She said it's hard for her and my dad because of the way I've been, never had any kids or anything, they have always been sad that they'll never have a grandchild and this may be their only chance. She also told me she thinks I'm being out of order taking it out on an innocent child who didn't ask for this and could at least meet her to talk.
I've said no and not spoken since, which is hard because I normally ring my folks twice a day and my mum keeps on trying to ring me.
I don't know what to do Reddit. I obviously don't want to be cruel but that kid is a reminder of what happened to me and I am just angry she's coming back into my life now when I thought it could be over. And how could my parents do this to me when they know how I feel?
As it stands I have no desire to meet her, and don't see the good that could come from it. But I don't want to lose my parents either.
What should I do?
**EDIT.**
So I spoke to my mum today. She's still insistent on having a relationship with her. I said she can, but tell her I do not want to meet her at all and won't do at all. Would you believe my folks are actually intending on her coming over and having Christmas dinner with us? I basically said if they do that, I'm not going.
**IMPORTANT EDIT!**
I get people disagreeing with my parents actions but do not be disrespectful of them or call them names please. Despite this, they're wonderful people and were the only people who have ever had my back throughout. Thank you.
Tldr: child born of my rape wants to make contact but I don't and my parents have been in contact despite my wishes and are forging a relationship with her and she wants to talk to me and I don't want it which is causing issues between my folks and me. What should I do?
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE I (37M) have a biological child who I've never seen (17F) wanting to make contact which I don't want but my family does. What should I do here?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/k2lbm6/update_i_37m_have_a_biological_child_who_ive/) - 28 November 2020
EDIT I AM MALE! CAN YOU PLEASE STOP ASSUMING I WAS A WOMAN JUST BECAUSE I WAS RAPED!
So much went on since my last post.
I spoke to my parents. I basically laid out exactly why I didn't want contact with her. I explained it's not a personal thing, but rather she is to me the living embodiment of my rapist and that if I were to have contact I feel it would make me re-live it all over again. I reassured them they can have contact with her and I won't stop it but to stop trying to force me.
They obviously agree with me, and said they'll respect my wishes. With regards to Christmas, as it stands she'll go for Christmas day and I won't and I'll go for boxing day. My parents are upset because it means I'll be completely on my own Christmas day.
I also wrote her a letter and gave it to them. I wasn't mean or anything to her but I explained exactly why I didn't want contact and how being in touch with her would make me feel and that until I get better, I didn't want contact and asked her to respect that.
My folks gave it to her and she read it while she was at their house. My mum told me she broke down crying and was really upset - obviously had no idea what happened. She asked them if they'd let her have some paper and write me a letter back and she did - they gave it to me. Initially I went mad that they did give it to me because I felt like they didn't respect what I'd said but they begged me to read it so I did.
And god I'm now confused. The letter was sweet for want of a better word. She admitted in it that she had no idea and apologised to me. And that hurt that she felt like she had to apologise. She also said she'd respect my wishes but gave her contact details and said if I ever wanted to speak to her, she'd be there for me. She also slipped a little passport photo of her in it - which is the first time I've ever seen her and what she looks like.
It's weird because before this, she was just a thing. I could ignore her. But reading that she became real. She has a little girls handwriting. I felt like I could feel her pain in the letter. And seeing her photo - she's a kid. Doesn't look like me, but really looks like my dad but with her mum's hair and eye colour. But she does look sad in it.
I didn't say anything to my parents about it. But I'm now really fucking confused. I know I shouldn't have contact with her, and still don't want it for all the reasons I've said before. It's not good for me and also I don't think for her. But I realise I don't hate her or am angry at her at all. I don't want her to feel guilty about her horrible mother. And now I see she's a person - god it's fucked up. I don't know what's going to happen.
**EDIT**
so I just sent my mum a message asking her to say to her that I read her letter and that I don't want her to feel that she has to apologise because she's done nothing wrong. She's replied back saying she will. I think she deserves to know that at least.
Tldr: spoke to my parents, laid out my boundaries and wrote her a letter. She wrote me one back and now I'm confused.
&nbsp;
[**Reddit, you were advising me on the situation I (37M) am in with my biological child (17F). So today I made a decision and want to see if it sounds as crazy as it is in my own head?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/k4tbsm/reddit_you_were_advising_me_on_the_situation_i/) - 1 December 2020
So basically I've decided to go to my parents house at Christmas - when she's going to be there - and meet her.
I honestly just decided it today. I've been talking to my mum about it all weekend and the past few days, and the more we talk openly it has made everything seem a bit more clear. I have worked out that despite the history attached and no matter our biology, she's just a little girl.
So today, I was talking to my mum on my lunch break and we were discussing Christmas and how we'd do it logistically as at this point, I was only going boxing day. When my mum mentioned Christmas dinner and playing me one up to warm up and eat at home, I just realised what's the point of avoiding everyone and sitting at home getting pissed and playing my PC with only my fish for company. So I went something like "yeah fuck it, get enough for me and I'm coming Christmas day too."
She thought I was joking. When she realised I wasn't, I could tell in the tone of voice she was thrilled. She asked me if I realised the kid's still going and I said I do. She asked me how I feel. I said honestly I don't want to think about all that, I just want to go Christmas day and spend it with my family. And if a young girl's there, I'll just be polite and respectful and treat her how I would any lonely young woman on Christmas day. I asked her to let her know, and text her and see if she's also ok with that. She did, and in the short space of time on my call she got back to my mum really happy, saying of course it is and can't believe it. So that's it, I'm going. My mum texted me earlier saying she's (mum)so happy I'm coming and doesn't have to worry about me being on my own anymore.
I sat there this afternoon feeling a bit relieved. And I'm also absolutely bloody terrified but not in a bad way? More of a facing something uncertain way. Am I nuts? A week ago I posted and was acting like I would rather cut contact with everyone. Now I don't really know what I feel.
I'm thinking of writing her another letter too. Nothing serious, just a bit about me to introduce myself and maybe ask her for one back. Would that be a nice thing to do? Too much?
I mean obviously I might panic and cancel last minute knowing how flaky I can be but I hope not.
**EDIT:**
thanks to the great suggestion of u/Mis_Bee_Have I've set up a new email address solely for the purpose of her and I to communicate so it saves us both having to write letters and wait. My mum's got her email for me so I'm in the process of drafting an email. Fucking hell, I've spent hours in the past week communicating with strangers all over the world on Reddit but do you think I know what to say in an email to a teenage girl living not too far away from me? I'm absolutely blank.
Tldr: I'm going to my parents house at Christmas and the girl who's my biological daughter will be there and we'll meet despite being against it previously. I'm not sure if I'm being brave or mad.
&nbsp;
[**UPDATE I (37M) have a daughter. So what now? What does someone in my position do?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/k7hqt1/update_i_37m_have_a_daughter_so_what_now_what/) - 5 December 2020
So sorry folks, editing my post I accidentally deleted it.
Those of you who check out post history, are welcome to check my post history out. TW: RAPE though. I also posted this on another sub but it got pulled for some reason.
But me and my daughter have been corresponding through email this last few days a lot - it feels like hundreds of emails and getting to know each other. Even though it's been weird, I have really enjoyed it - she's a lovely kid, and I genuinely like her.
So this afternoon we were chatting and I signed off my email "love dad" without thinking. And she messaged me back "dad.... you mean it?" And I was like "I suppose I do." I haven't heard from her since because she's working today but I keep on thinking about it. In fact she texted me a couple of minutes ago with a smiling emoji and a love heart. I responded the same.
I was so scared to embrace her. To me, a couple of weeks ago she was just my rapist's baby. Now - I acknowledged she's mine. Like I'm her dad. She's my daughter. I wouldn't say love is the right word but... she's mine. If someone asked me if I had a kid, I'd say I do.
I don't know how I feel about it on an emotional level. I don't have this warm paternal feeling like I think people probably do but at the same time, I know she's mine. Even though we've never met. But at the same time, I feel I want to meet her before Christmas. I don't know if I can wait. Even if we have a video message. I'm going to video call her tomorrow - fuck me, I'm really really nervous.
I don't think a lot of people have been in my situation ever. But is this natural? Am I doing it right? Should I do anything different? What does a dad actually do? I feel like crying yet smiling at the same time.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 17,483 | 2022-12-03T09:31:07 | I (37M) have a biological child who I've never seen (17F) wanting to make contact which I don't want but my family does. What should I do here? | INCONCLUSIVE | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zbch9u/i_37m_have_a_biological_child_who_ive_never_seen/ | false | false | [
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zbfdrl | [removed] | 1 | 2022-12-03T12:41:04 | Update and conclusion - OP (28F) starts divorce proceedings from husband (42M) | CONCLUDED | bobapotatochips | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zbfdrl/update_and_conclusion_op_28f_starts_divorce/ | false | false | [
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zbfj62 | ***I am not OP!***
This update has been posted 9 months after the last one.
Original post by u/wheresthecoffeebro on r/relationships has since been deleted by mods, here's a [link to the original BORU post and the first update](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/skbggw/op_feels_ready_to_leave_her_husband/). Newest update at the bottom. Large texts split into paragraphs for readability.
Mood spoiler: >!happy!<
Trigger warnings: >!none!<
ORIGINAL: [**I (28F) feel like I'm ready to leave my marriage to my husband (42M)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/rwcpxl/i_28f_feel_like_im_ready_to_leave_my_marriage_to/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)**, posted on January 5, 2022**
*edit* thank you all for the overwhelming support and kindness, means so much!!
*second edit* I just found out he lost his job, and my gut is telling me he’s not being entirely truthful or is insanely down playing as to why he got fired. Now he wants to move down here with me, I 100% do not want him to.
My husband and I have been together for around 8 years and married for a little over a year. We met during work, I felt like he was the one for me at the time but red flags started showing up very quickly. I am a plus sized women and can be very insecure at times and he has never ONCE made me feel any better, he has only made me feel worse. Once when he was spending the night at my apartment when we first started dating he told me "its okay, you can loose weight". The real kicker is he said this when he thought I was asleep. I told him I heard him months later, he made up excuses, I tried to forgive him but the words still sting. The most recent issue is that I was offered a much higher position at my work, this required me to move a few hours away from where we were living and to a different state. This wasn't something I took lightly and I had discussed it with him prior to even applying for the position. Side note: I was asked to apply for this job so the chances of me getting it were very high. When I asked him if he would be willing to move and look for work there he said yes, so I applied.
While I was waiting to hear back, he decided to apply for a job locally that was better then his current position. I thought it was totally fine, it was a better opportunity and if I didn't get this job it would be a good fit. However I got the job. I took the job as soon as I was offered it because he had already said he was excited and willing to move, turns out his plans had changed without him talking to me. He ended up getting the other job and was suddenly completely fine living apart from me, without discussing long distance with me AT ALL. I'm happy he got the job, but I'm mad he didn't even look for work near me or try and be with me. I have been living alone for around 5 months and he hasn't kept a single promise he gave me. He hasn't called often, he barely talks to me and when he does all he really does is complain, and he doesn't visit me often even though I'm only 4 hours away. I don't expect him here every week, but I have now visited him more times then he has visited me. He constantly makes up excuses for why he can't visit, and went as far to say that I should visit twice in a row because I could only visit two days due to how busy I am with work. The thing that I can't get over is the fact he didn't even really try to see me on Christmas, he and I both worked but he didn't bother to try and make it up that weekend. eventually I just told him don't bother.
There are so many other issues I could list with our sex life, how he watches porn constantly but our sex life is almost non-existent, how I feel more like a mother then a wife, how he will always side with others rather then me, but it would be too long of a post. I think a huge reason im staying in this relationship is because I am deathly afraid of being alone. Thank you if you took the time to read this all. Advice is welcome or just words of encouragement.
TL;DR: I think I might be ready to consider leaving my husband who decided he was okay with a long distance relationship when I wasn't.
FIRST UPDATE: [**I (28F) feel like I'm ready to leave my marriage to my husband (42M)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/sj8yv9/update_to_previous_post_i_28f_feel_like_im_ready/)**, posted on February 3, 2022.**
Link to original post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/rwcpxl/i\_28f\_feel\_like\_im\_ready\_to\_leave\_my\_marriage\_to/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/rwcpxl/i_28f_feel_like_im_ready_to_leave_my_marriage_to/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Here is a little update to those of you who wanted one. First of all, I would like to say thank you for all the kind words and genuine advice, though it was all things I had heard before, it made a massive difference hearing it from strangers who don't even know me. All of that and my friends giving me some tough but much needed love, I finally got the courage to talk to my husband.
Not long after I posted my original post my husband called me to tell me he had ended up *LOSING* the job he abandoned me for. He doesn't have a good track record with work (Just in general has been seen as "lazy" ect.) so this wasn't shocking but was a *COMPLETE* slap in the face. Maybe I'm being harsh, but I felt let down *again*. As soon as he lost the job, he immediately started talking about how he was going to move in with me, I became sick to my stomach because *I DID NOT* want him here. I felt and still feel like a fall-back option. I wasn't his priority in the first place but now that he is down on his luck, it's just "easier" for him to move here and start over with my help. I told him to not look at jobs here right away and look where he is, and he somewhat agreed.
After about a week of us not talking he messaged me out of nowhere telling me that he had found a job in my area that "Was a great opportunity", he used the same wording he had used with the job he had just lost. I was talking with a friend when he sent the message, she told me point blank 'Talk to him now, or he is going to show up on your doorstep and you are going to be stuck in this situation for another few years, and you promised yourself you would talk to him this week." She was 100% right, so I went and talked to him.
I told him everything, how I felt, how I am feeling, how heartbroken I am, how his issues and his treatment of me have pushed me over the edge. He realized that a lot of what I said was things I had already brought up, he did own up to somethings, yet not everything. I had given him a million chances during the conversation to tell me the things I should improve on because I am well aware I am not blameless. I should have talked to him more etc. The only thing he could think of was the fact that I don't incite/participate in sex with him. I brought up my issues with sex and my insecurities, he said he understood but I don't think he understood how much it affected me (from my past trauma and other bad experiences), and how he never made me feel better. I then brought up how I hate how much porn he watches (side note: I don't hate porn, I just think excessive use can be bad), and how it gave him an unrealistic expectation of sex, he said, "I feel like I have to watch it to get turned on to have sex with you", that comment made my stomach drop, and my already low self-confidence deep dive even lower. Also, I knew this was a complete lie, as he NEVER initiated sex after watching porn- not once. I knew right then I was ***done***. How could I even consider repairing this when he feels like he needs to watch other people to get turned on enough to have sex with me?! Mind you, he would casually watch porn without jerking off or anything, this man always had porn open like a Spotify playlist.
He is trying *DESPERATELY* to keep me, messaging me constantly how much he loves me, making YouTube playlists of songs, sending me flowers etc. but it's all too little, too late in my eyes. He's also downplaying the situation to his closest friends and family, just chalking it up to me being upset with him. All of this just makes me more upset, anxious, on edge, and quite frankly mad.
I already started filling out paperwork to file for divorce when I am 100% ready and will be asking him to stop texting me as much (particularly all the lovey dovey out of character stuff) and sending me things this week. This whole thing has been a lot, but I am grateful for everyone who took the time to send me words of encouragement. I have realized, and am continuing to realize, my self-worth and I know I am worth so much more than a man who never tried in our whole 8 years of a relationship up until now. There's more I could get into, but I think I'll leave it here. Thank you all again for all your kind words and advice. Feel free to comment on the original post if you’d like to say anything, or would like to give words of wisdom or advice.
TL:DR: I finally talked to my husband about everything and will be leaving him soon. Thank you to everyone who commented on my last post!
**NEW UPDATE:** [**Update and conclusion**](https://www.reddit.com/r/MarkNarrations/comments/yz1umq/update_and_conclusion/) **(posted on** r/MarkNarrations **November 19, 2022, 9 months after the previous post)**
You had been so kind and nice about your advice on my post ( **I (28F) feel like I'm ready to leave my marriage to my husband (42M)** ) in regards to me finally taking the steps to separate and divorce from my husband. Well, I have great news and wanted to share the final conclusion:
Well, everyone this is my last and final update on this.
After almost months and even weeks of simply not communicating with each other I got a text from him out of the blue. He stated that he was in a tough spot financially and needed help- particularly with some car repairs that had "popped up". Now if you've read my last posts then you wouldn't be surprised to find out, that I knew that these issues with his car were not a surprise and more something being put off until it became too late. Regardless, I was livid and upset at reading this message after months and weeks of no correspondence. I had given up on messaging or calling since I felt that I was the only one reaching out, or just simply checking in. So I messaged him just that. I told him how upsetting it was to only hear from him when he needed something, or when things got to a point where he needed help.
His response, unsurprisingly, was to say he did try and reach out to me but that I refused to meet or talk (not true), and how long was he going to be punished for everything, that he thought he was making a good effort (all the flowers etc). He even goes as far to say that the job he had (and was fired from) was similar if not harder than mine (not that it was a competition to begin with), and that by job allows me more freedom to pick and choose my time off. Which both of those statements could not have been farther from the truth. He just kept making up excuses as to why his job went wrong, and honestly the rest of his message rambled on about wanting to talk once a week, and to "let go of uncommunicated expectations". Mind you this was all in one text message, and in response to me saying no to giving him money- and why I wouldn't give him the money. Did I mention he was asking for up to $3000? My response despite my rage, was diplomatic, at least I felt it was, and I owned up to my mistakes in regards to our relationship. At the end of it I simply just said "the reality is, I'm not making my future plans on us being together". He only replied by thanking me for my honesty and if he could have time to think and process the information. Mind you he's had months, over a year in fact, at this point. I said fine.
A month passes by and he tells me he finally got a job, which I was really happy to hear. We made awkward small talk before I had to get on with the things I was doing that day. Finally once things calmed down for me with my work trips and my planned vacations. I contacted a lawyer a couple weeks ago, and asked him all the questions I had to start the process of divorce. I called my husband and we talked, and I finally said it was time for us to be honest with each other and realize it was time to end our marriage officially. To my surprise he agreed, and was pretty calm and diplomatic about it all.
This past week I talked with my lawyer and we started the process officially. I've paid all the fees, and now just wait for it to be official. Thank you to everyone who gave their support and advice throughout this whole process. Means a lot that a group of complete strangers could be so supportive.
Side note: I'm exercising at least twice a week now with a personal trainer, trying to gain my self confidence- and slightly get that post divorce revenge bod, haha let's be honest.
TL:DR: Finally getting the divorce- just waiting for it to be legally official.
# Friendly reminder that I am not OP, this is a repost. | 4,182 | 2022-12-03T12:49:43 | Update and conclusion to OP (28F) feels ready to leave her husband (42M) | CONCLUDED | bobapotatochips | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zbfj62/update_and_conclusion_to_op_28f_feels_ready_to/ | false | false | [
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zbkskd | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/whooooooop23 in r/legaladvice**
---
&nbsp;
[**(va) My son stole a rare toy from my brother. My brother is refusing to take it back and is threatening to get the police involved. What do I do?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/ans8wm/va_my_son_stole_a_rare_toy_from_my_brother_my/) - 6 February 2019
Right now my brother is threatening to "sue" me for my son taking a figure from his collection and get the police involved. Here is the story.
Last week my brother invited me and my family over for dinner. While we were there my son asked to see my brothers collection of toys and figures. My brother has spent a good deal of money on his collection and from what I know it's one of his biggest hobbies. Well, after dinner we left and everything seemed normal
Well, until yesterday. My brother called me up furiously and told me my "little shit" stole something from his collection and I needed to return it immediately. I honestly was upset at this, but if my son had taken something that was wrong, especially if it was from my own brother.
Well, it turns out that my son slipped away during dinner and took a Boba Fett figure from his collection. He confirmed it because he has footage from his porch camera of him taking it out to our car.
I was furious and took it from him. Here is the problem though, after I confirmed with my brother it was his I found out that my son had removed it from it's packaging. Apparently the figure is worth almost 2000$ in it's package and almost nothing out of it. So my brother broke down over the phone and refused to take it back before hanging up.
Well, he just called me again today and said he wanted me to pay for a replacement immediately or he will get the police involved and sue me. I told him I would help pay for one but not fully to which he said "not good enough" and hung up.
Honestly, what are my options here? I can't afford to pay him back right now. If he does go the police will my son get arrested? He's only 15. It was very wrong of him to do but I think my brother is over reacting. What can I expect if he does take me to court or call the police?
&nbsp;
[**Update, my son took the Boba Fett figure.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/aoi94x/update_my_son_took_the_boba_fett_figure/) - 8 February 2019
So, I never honestly expected the post I made to get where it did. I also never expected the barrage of support and hate. I will say these past 48 hours have been a ride and that post has not helped in any way.
So, why am I back? Well, because I feel like I need to be. I'm not here to give some apology to a bunch of internet strangers for how I acted or seek validation. I'm here because I feel that for myself I need to admit my own wrongs and move on to a better place.
So, I want to talk about something first before I get into the update. Many people who responded talked about how me or my brother in a bad light, and with how I reacted in the comments it didn't help the situation. I was also hit pretty hard for how I was not taking my brother into consideration when talking about the issue.
To give some context for this, me and my brother have never had a good relationship. We have never seen eye to eye and after our fathers death he cut contact with me for a good amount of time. We're just to different in some senses. He's a single nerdy guy who has no aspiration for family while I’m the exact opposite.
In these past few years we've tried to fix this. Work as adults to bring what little family we have back together. During our time apart he began collecting old nerdy things, and I won’t lie I never understood the appeal. It is his life though and he can do what he wants.
So, when my son stole and damaged his property I didn't see how it was valuable to him and discounted it. So when he asked for 2,000 to fix it I really didn't feel like it was worth it. Was this wrong of me? Maybe. I don't feel bad about defending my son, I only feel bad that I discounted my brother in the process.
Sorry about that. Like I said, I don't want sympathy. I only wrote that out to allow myself to be true about the situation. back to the update.
So, after all was said and done, my family had pretty much been thrown into chaos. I had no idea what I was going to do and after talking with my wife, we decided we would take many of your advice and have my son pay him back. We collected all the non-essentials he had and planned to sell them to raise funds. During this time I got back into contact with my brother and wanted to talk this out to make sure this did not end badly. I offered to pay in full.
(Also, some people in the comments said that the figure was worth less so I asked him. He had it professionally valued a few months ago when he bought it and it's was worth a total of 2,200$.)
My brother said he plans to not sue us. His renters insurance apparently is willing to pay him the value he has listed, but he would need to file a police report to get it. At first we agreed not to go that route and simply pay him the value of it or one for a replacement if he could get it cheaper. This was the plan until last night.
During the process of taking his things away, my wife found a conversation he had with a friend he has over the internet. It turns out my son stole the figure to sell. He had googled it while we were at my brothers house and found out how much it was worth and bragged to a friend that he was going to sell it at a pawn shop. He didn't realize that taking it out of the package would ruin it so he ripped it out to hid in the car better.
Suffice to say, I am not happy about this. I won't elaborate on this very much more but me and my wife have decided that what is best for all of us is that we let him face the consequences of this. My brother is going to file a police report and collect money from insurance. Some may say this is a bit harsh, but honestly I think this might be for the best in the end. The way my son actively stole from family to make a profit worries me and I believe the only option that I can live with myself making is this. I will stand by my son till the need, but he needs to learn now before he is an adult.
So, thank you all for the advice. The support and hate are what I needed as a true wake up call. Like I said, I don't need pity. I'm doing this so that I can be true to myself, and maybe become a better parent in the end.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 22,369 | 2022-12-03T16:58:33 | My son stole a rare toy from my brother. My brother is refusing to take it back and is threatening to get the police involved. What do I do? | REPOST | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zbkskd/my_son_stole_a_rare_toy_from_my_brother_my/ | false | false | [
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zbmle2 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-12-03T18:14:46 | My (25m) (now ex) girlfriend (22f) cheated on me with my (now former) best friend (24m) | INCONCLUSIVE | lilmxfi | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zbmle2/my_25m_now_ex_girlfriend_22f_cheated_on_me_with/ | false | false | [
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zbnpjx | [removed] | 1 | 2022-12-03T19:02:14 | OP resents his family | NEW UPDATE | Organic-Willow-9804 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zbnpjx/op_resents_his_family/ | false | false | [
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zbny0a | I am NOT OP. Original post by [u/throwoffmychest234](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwoffmychest234/) in r/TrueOffMyChest
trigger warnings: >!cheating!<
mood spoilers: >!upsetting for OOP, but ending is satisfying!<
# FIRST POST: [My wife went out last night and didn't come home until this morning](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/y5f9sh/my_wife_went_out_last_night_and_didnt_come_home/) Oct. 16 2022
This is horrible, I'm furious right now. But I'm also depressed as hell. I know what I have to do, it's just killing me that I have to do it. It’s fresh, and it hurts a lot.
My wife didn't come home last night. She went out with a couple of girlfriends, which is pretty normal for her. She's normally back around 2AM on these nights, so I waited up. Around 2:30, I called to check in. She answered, and I could hear people in the background. She told me they went to a party but were leaving in a couple of minutes. She wasn't home by 3 so I texted. It delivered, but no reply. Around 4AM I called again, it rang a couple of times before she sent me to voicemail.
My wife finally came stumbling through the door at 6:47AM this morning. I know the exact time because I was worried. She was wearing a dress she didn't leave the house in, with mesh leggings I've never seen either. The leggings had clearly been torn, and her makeup was smudged.
My heart sank when I saw her. My immediate worry was that she had been assaulted. She only shook her head no when I asked her that. I asked her what she had been doing then. She only said that I knew what she had been doing, and that kind of confirmed what the voice in the back of my head had been screaming since she walked in. My wife cheated on me last night.
I asked her who it was, she shrugged almost casually and said it was somebody they met at the club. She went back to his house and hooked up with him, then Ubered home. She then said she didn't want to fight and just wanted to sleep. So that's what she did.
She's still asleep now, and didn't even take a shower before passing out. Suffice to say our relationship is over. We don't have any kids, and we rent so it shouldn't be an extremely complicated process. I keep trying to reason myself out of it, pretending there might be something to salvage here. I've always maintained that cheating would be a red line for me though. I think I need to stick to that now.
# Small Update: [True update coming later but for now...](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwoffmychest234/comments/y6gjy9/true_update_coming_later_but_for_now/) Oct. 17 2022
Alright, things have happened. I am no longer at home, I left. I wasn't able to get the day off work today though, so I'm writing this on my lunch now. It's been a struggle keeping myself together today, honestly. I've had to sneak off to the bathroom twice to cry, shit's rough dude.
I'll post something more detailed later on because holyfuckingshit there's a lot. I'm exhausted. I've only slept about four hours total since this all happened.
Does anyone know if I should post the actual update in a new thread, or just update the one I already made? It's gonna be a lot of text, probably longer than the first one by a bit.
Also, to the woman who felt compelled to send me a topless picture. Thanks, but also no thanks. My heart just isn't in that sort of thing right now.
# Final Update: [\[Update\] My wife went out last night and didn't come home until this morning](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/y79ekf/update_my_wife_went_out_last_night_and_didnt_come/) Oct. 18 2022
Original post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/y5f9sh/my_wife_went_out_last_night_and_didnt_come_home/)
Me again, folks. I’m sorry I didn’t get around to this sooner. I wasn’t able to get the day off work yesterday because my boss kind of sucks. I was a complete mess at work yesterday though, so I was allowed to take the rest of the week as vacation, thankfully.
I think I went through all of the stages of grief while my soon-to-be-ex was sleeping. I wasn’t expecting my post to get any attention at all. I just figured I needed to try to talk to someone about it, because I was not in a good headspace. I made the post in the morning, and by noon she was still conked out in the bedroom. I had processed things a bit more, and I had a rough plan in my head that I was starting to set in motion.
I made a short list of questions I wanted answers to, gathered up all my important documents, laptop, etc. Then I went into the bedroom and started packing myself a suitcase. I know a lot of folks wanted me to kick her out. I did consider it, but honestly I’m not overly attached to this place. We just rent, and I’m in a lucky enough situation to be able to say that paying half the rent for a few months isn’t going to financially end me. It’ll sting a little bit, I won’t lie. But I’ll make it, and I feel like being around this place is only going to remind me of her anyway, I need to be looking forward, not back.
She ended up waking up about halfway through me packing my suitcase. There was momentary confusion as she looked around the room then she just started balling. Maybe this is awful of me, but I didn’t bother comforting her. I told her I had the screenshots of her Uber and text messages from her phone, and that plus her confirmation was enough that things between us were completely done. She didn’t answer me, and just cried louder. I debated trying to continue the conversation, but I decided to just pack the rest of my suitcase and head back out to the living room until she came out.
When she finally left the bedroom, she sat next to me on the couch and asked me if we could talk things through. I told her as calmly as possible that wasn’t how things were going to work. I was going to ask questions, I wanted honest answers. She told me she’d be honest, so I proceeded. My voice was shaking the entire time, it was taking me everything to hold it together but I kept going:
**Was this the first time she had cheated?**
She started crying before she answered that, then told me no. She had cheated on me multiple times over the course of our relationship. It was, and I’m going to use her words exactly here “Just sex, a way for me to let off steam. None of it ever meant anything.”
I wrote a comment shortly after making my post that all the love couldn’t just fade away in one swoop. Well, it can. It hit me right then that I wasn’t dealing with my wife. The person I was married to literally wasn’t in the room. This was someone different. She refused to tell me exactly how many times she had cheated, just more than last night.
**Had she used protection?**
No hesitation from her before she nodded her head emphatically. She seemed surprised I’d even ask that. I’m still going to get tested just to be safe, I did some research into timing and I’m going to look after it.
**Were her friends also cheating on their spouses?**
Yes, and no. I tried to get her to tell me which of her friends were cheating so I could get in contact with their spouses. She probably should have, because her refusal led to me messaging pretty much the romantic partner of every one of her girlfriends I could find on social media. There are a couple I don’t know or couldn’t find, but I did my part.
**Why did she do it?**
This was the answer that gutted me the most. I’m going to use her exact words again. “I need to have sexual variety.” I told her that it’s not like our sex life is dull. She clarified. “It’s not the same as something new.”
I didn’t even have a response to that one. I had expected something about me working too much, or not supporting her emotionally. Nope. She just fucked other guys because she felt like it, and wanted to have some fun.
When I didn’t respond. She started asking me about counseling and therapy. I reiterated that our relationship was over. I’d be leaving. What she did next disgusted me. My ex actually tried to have sex with me. She put her hands on me, and started trying to take off my clothes. I felt like I wanted to vomit, and pushed her away after a couple of seconds. She just kept telling me that she would figure out a way to fix it, that we would work through it together. I told her that there was no way, and she started balling again. She went to the bathroom and locked herself inside.
I was just sick of everything at that point. I called her mother, and told her what was going on. The full story too, the cheating, the questions I had asked, and the fact I was leaving. I’ve always had a good relationship with my Ex’s parents. They both decided to drive to town, which is about an hour for them. Once I knew someone was on the way, I just grabbed my things and left. Her waterworks in the bathroom were just annoying me because it felt hollow to me, especially given the answers to my questions. I ended up packing another bag before I left, and took all the things that I could think of that I felt sentimental attachment to, with me.
I found a parking lot and sat in my car until I was able to get in contact with a buddy for a place to crash. I tried to take a nap, but I was running on way too much adrenaline. I knew when her parents had made it to the apartment because she started calling me. When I didn’t answer those, she started texting me. She had gone from sad and crying to furious. Apparently I’m a “fucking piece of shit” for telling her mom everything. Whoops. (I’m not sorry.)
I’ve received roughly a hundred texts from her since leaving. They range from name-calling all the way to begging me to come back, to sending me pictures of the food she ate for some reason. I haven’t responded to any of them, I feel like I said my piece before leaving.
So that’s where I’m at now. We didn’t have joint finances, so that part was easy. I canceled all the subscriptions that go to my credit card just to be sure, and changed all my important passwords. I’m crashing on a friend’s couch for the next bit, but I’ve got some feelers out to some short-term rental places until I can find something more permanent. I’ve got feelers out for a divorce attorney too. A co-worker of mine had a recommendation, so barring something better I’ll probably go with them.
I also wanted to say that I was shocked how supportive everyone was, and thank you for that. Truly, from the bottom of my heart. It isn’t easy for me to talk about emotional things with people close to me. This was an invaluable venting place for me. Thank you all so much.
**TL;DR:** This wasn’t the first time she had cheated on me, I packed up my things and left, and I think I’m on track to being in a better place. Working on initiating divorce proceedings now.
&#x200B;
\*\*Reminder - I am not the original poster.\*\*
**Note: I marked this thread as concluded because although we don't have an update on the divorce the last post was two months ago and OOP was very set on going through with it.** | 7,772 | 2022-12-03T19:12:09 | My wife went out last night, and didn't come home until this morning + UPDATES | CONCLUDED | opinionswelcomehere | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zbny0a/my_wife_went_out_last_night_and_didnt_come_home/ | false | false | [
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zbpvgw | **I am not the original poster. Originally posted by** u/trwayyy1718 **in** r/legaladvice **in 2018.**
Marked as "Concluded" as there have been no updates for 5 years.
In order to hide the tw & mood spoilers on mobile, I have a new capybara fact: much like rabbits, they eat their own poop for additional nutrition. So admire them from afar, but don't go kissing your local capybara on the mouth!
&#x200B;
tw:>!suicide!<
mood:>!as positive as possible at the end!<
&#x200B;
[**My mom commited suicide and now her landlord is threatening to sue me**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8gynwv/my_mom_commited_suicide_and_now_her_landlord_is/) 04 May 2018
Sorry for the grammatical mistakes, I can't type very well now. I'm in CA.
Hello, as the title say, my mom commited suicide about a week ago or so. I've been busy with the funeral/will/life insurance thing and havent been able to open my email.
I did this today and her landlord sent me an email, three days after she died saying that he'll keep the deposit(which I guess is fair) because of the cleaning/painting/fixing the bullet hole, but that he also wants to be reimbursed because the house value will go down after the suicide and that he and the other tenant(my moms roomate) want financial support for emotional damages
He ended the email giving me two weeks to call and negotiate, if not then he'll take to court
I'm gonna be honest, I don't know if I can get into a legal battle right now, I'm barely functioning but the idea of calling and negotiating how much my moms death devaluated the house made me throw up. What should I do?
**Notable Comments:**
[u/RalesBlasband](https://www.reddit.com/u/RalesBlasband/)
*Hey man, some things I wanna say to you.*
*First, as a son whose mother killed herself, I'm sorry. It's been almost ten years, and it still hurts. The pain doesn't get better so much as it gets less frequent. But ten years from now you'll be driving to work on a random Tuesday morning and you'll be blindsided by an overwhelming wave of emotion. All you can do is breathe and give it time.*
*Second, as an attorney who also had to be the executor in such a situation, I can tell you to do the following: retain an estate lawyer, tell the landlord to keep the deposit, to go fuck himself, and to contact your lawyer from here on out. Also, tell the roommate to fuck off. There's a slim to none chance that the estate might be liable for diminution in value of the property, but let the landlord chase the estate.*
*Third, the proceeds of any insurance policies ARE NOT the property of the estate, they are the property of the beneficiaries. Do not comingle the funds with the estate funds. Claim them and distribute to the beneficiaries immediately.*
*Fourth, as others have said, you, personally, are not obligated to satisfy any claim on the estate.*
*Finally, apologies for the language; but in this situation it's warranted.*
&#x200B;
[u/JamesMcGillEsq](https://www.reddit.com/u/JamesMcGillEsq/)
*Found this comment on Reddit awhile back when dealing with something. It helped me, I hope it helps you:*
*Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents.*
*I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.*
*As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.*
*In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.*
*Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.*
*Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.*
&#x200B;
[**(Update) My mom commited suicide and now her landlord is threatening to sue me**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8h82c8/update_my_mom_commited_suicide_and_now_her/) 05 May 2018
Hello there, first I would like to thank you guys from the bottom of my heart for all the messages, comments and PM's you guys sent. It truly made this process less painful and I'll be forever grateful for each one of you.
Especial shoutout to [u/RalesBlasband](https://www.reddit.com/u/RalesBlasband/) for his comment, I'm very sorry for your loss but what you said gave a at least a sense of peace. Thank you
I'd also like to thank [u/JamesMcGillEsq](https://www.reddit.com/u/JamesMcGillEsq/), that comment gave some interesting perspective to what the future looks like.
I'm afraid I might have come across as cold or rude, if so, it was not on purpose I was just very nervous.
I'm sorry for not responding all of you or not responding sooner, I had to talk to my teachers/employers to figure it out my schedule. The comments telling me to get my moms things out of the house made me super anxious and I couldn't think of anything else.
So I did something stupid and called the roommate(sorry guys), that's when it gets weird... the lady was super nice and so, she told me I could go and get my moms things that night(at least her books/letters/small things) and I decide to approach the matter of the emotional support thing.
Now, I would be willing to help her(or completely) pay for the emotional support she may need, as she was the one who found my mom and, while they weren't super close, were becaming fast friends. I guess I felt more hurt that she decided to send a letter with my landlord.
I said I would be willing to pay but that I thought it had to be separate from the landlord. She didn't know what the hell I was talking about.
Yeah... I explained the email and she was furious. So apparently the landlord lied about that... I asked if she would be willing to talk to my lawyer and make it clear she wasn't asking to financial support and she agreed so I guess we'll see. I have an appointment with lawyer on monday and I'll bring this up to her.
All and all, it's seems like this isn't over but at least it seems like it will go on well. I got my moms things out of the house and the lady was kind enough to keep some of the sentimental things I couldn't take locked in her room.
Once again, thank you guys for all the advice, if it weren't for all of them I'd probably have just called the landlord and try to negotiate.
One last thing, I'll leave the emergency number down there(if it's allowed, if not, mods, please tell me and I'll edit it out). If you're feeling suicidal, like you want to hurt yourself, depressed or emotionless, please reach out. I know it doesn't look like but there are people willing to help, my first post proves that!
Anyone who is in crisis for any reason is encouraged to call. The number for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is:
* 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
* To chat online with a national suicide hotline counsellor, click here: [http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx](http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx)
* See the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline website: [http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/](http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/)
* For the hearing impaired, contact the Lifeline by TTY at: 1-800-799-4889 The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
Other Free Suicide Hotlines
There are other free suicide hotlines in the United States for specific populations as well.
* The veterans suicide hotline (Veterans Crisis Line): 1-800-273-8255, press 1 or text to 838255 (available 24 hours a day, seven days a week)
* Veterans Crisis Line online chat: [http://www.veteranscrisisline.net/ChatTermsOfService.aspx?account=Veterans%20Chat](http://www.veteranscrisisline.net/ChatTermsOfService.aspx?account=Veterans%20Chat)
* Veterans Crisis Line website: [http://www.veteranscrisisline.net/](http://www.veteranscrisisline.net/)
* Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Questioning (LGBTQ) Suicide Hotline (the Trevor Lifeline): 1-866-488-7386 (available 24 hours a day, seven days a week)
* TrevorChat online chat: [http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now](http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now) (Available 7 days a week (3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. ET / 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. PT).)
* TrevorText text messaging: Text the word "Trevor" to 1-202-304-1200 (Available on Fridays (4:00 p.m. - 8:00 p.m. ET / 1:00 p.m. - 5:00 p.m. PT)
* The Trevor Project website: [http://www.thetrevorproject.org/](http://www.thetrevorproject.org/)
* Teen suicide hotline (Thursday's Child National Youth Advocacy Hotline): 1-800-USA-KIDS (872-5437) (available 24 hours a day, seven days a week)
* Thursday's Child website (lists many additional teen hotlines): [http://www.thursdayschild.org/frames\_dedication.htm](http://www.thursdayschild.org/frames_dedication.htm)
* You Matter website: [http://www.youmatter.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/](http://www.youmatter.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/)
* Christian suicide hotline (Christian Suicide Prevention): 1-888-667-5947 or email [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]) (available 9:00 p.m. – 1:00 a.m. CT)
* Christian Suicide Prevention website: [http://www.christiansuicideprevention.com/](http://www.christiansuicideprevention.com/)
For International Suicide Hotline Callers If you are calling from outside of the United States, these numbers won't be available to you. No matter where you are, though, help is available.
* The International Association for Suicide Prevention: [http://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis\_Centres](http://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres)
* Befrienders Worldwide: [http://www.befrienders.org/need-to-talk](http://www.befrienders.org/need-to-talk)
**Reminder: I am not the original poster. Originally posted by** u/trwayyy1718 **in** r/legaladvice **in 2018.** | 3,290 | 2022-12-03T20:32:31 | OOP's mom died by suicide and now her landlord is threatening to sue her. | INCONCLUSIVE | Celany | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zbpvgw/oops_mom_died_by_suicide_and_now_her_landlord_is/ | false | false | [
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zbqn7z | [removed] | 1 | 2022-12-03T21:04:32 | Am I the asshole for making my sister leave my house after her “joke” about my son’s mom leaving again? | NEW UPDATE | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zbqn7z/am_i_the_asshole_for_making_my_sister_leave_my/ | false | false | [
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zbsk2k | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/0utofhome in r/amitheasshole**
trigger warnings: >!PPD, PTSD!<
---
&nbsp;
[**AITA for making my sister leave my house after her “joke” about my son’s mom leaving again?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/owrim1/aita_for_making_my_sister_leave_my_house_after/) - 3 August 2021
My son Jack is going to be 2 soon. His mom Annie has a complicated history and how this all happened. Her husband passed away and 3 months after that, we slept together. We were barely friends at the time so I didn’t know until after our first night together that she’d recently become a widow. But she told me she was really lonely and just enjoyed that physical connection.
So for about 8 months that’s how it was, didn’t see eachother too often. Then we found out she was pregnant. She wanted to go through with the pregnancy and I fully supported her if that was what she wanted.
The thing was she still had a lot of grief and when my son was born it was hard for her to connect with him. She said she felt guilty having a baby with another man after losing her husband. By the time Jack was 4 months she hadn’t gotten any better and her mental health completely deteriorated. I took over with him full time after this since she wasn’t in the best place to be a mother.
Annie still visited a few days out of the week for a short period but I was doing most the childcare while she went to therapy. Then she was in the hospital for a while. She couldn’t come over much during covid except for video chats so she’s essentially become a stranger to him.
3 months ago she started coming around more after not seeing him for a while. She’s on antidepressants and therapy’s helped her a lot. Now she’s more set on being a mom and we’re slowly reintroducing him to her. My sister hasn’t been happy about this. I know she’s upset on my behalf as I struggled a bit as a single parent. She knows the situation that happened with her but still thinks she shouldn’t be allowed back into Jack’s life after abandoning him.
And yeah I get her feelings but since Annie’s in a better place mentally then I want to give a shot at Jack having a mom around. I still have my guard up obviously and we’re taken it one day at a time but I see how different she is with him now. My sister hasn’t stopped making comments no matter how many times I’ve told her to knock it off.
She dropped by unannounced when Annie was here and was very openly hostile right in front of Jack. Annie offered to leave and then my sister jokes “make sure you come back this time.” I told her to leave and not come back until she can act right with the mother of my child.
My sister is offended that I’m “taking her side” by kicking her out of my house since she’s only angry on my behalf and it was a joke she made. That’s why she thinks I’m an asshole. For me I was thinking I’d rather get her out asap before saying something else in front of my son. Was I being an asshole?
Verdict: NTA
&nbsp;
[**Update: AITA for making my sister leave my house after her “joke” about my son’s mom leaving again?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qg2hw2/update_aita_for_making_my_sister_leave_my_house/) - 26 October 2021
Appreciate all the words and advice on my last post. There has been some new changes regarding the situation that happened before with my sister and Annie so decided to leave a little update. Many of you were right about my sister’s negativity possibly affecting the relationship between Annie and Jack. It’s also reassuring to know that we were making the right call here. The last thing I wanted was to make Annie feel bad for things that were out of her control.
At first when I talked to my sister we got nowhere. I even brought up what some of you said here, would she feel the same if Annie had been in the hospital getting treatment for cancer or some other physical disease/illness? My sister claimed that’s not the same thing and we had to have a deeper conversation on why it is exactly the same thing. Annie was not in the right place mentally to be a fit parent and decided to get help. There was no need for her hostility towards Annie now that she’s gotten the treatment she needs and we’re taking steps to bring her back into Jack’s life.
My sister and I still didn’t see eye to eye so that’s when I made the decision that she wouldn’t be allowed around us for a while and stuck with the same condition I made in my original post. We didn’t talk for almost 2 months then I guess my sister finally realized I wasn’t gonna budge so she agreed she’d be more nicer to Annie and won’t talk badly about her in front of Jack. Thought this meant things would turn around but unfortunately it didn’t end that way.
Even after giving her a second chance she still couldn’t hold back from sending a message to Annie letting her know she’s only doing this for me but she will never be okay with her, called her a terrible mother among others things. She was counting on Annie not to show me this since it would “cost her son his aunt” like it said in her message.
Oh yeah I was pissed. Another talk with her later I decided she’s not having any contact with us at all. As much as it pains me I can’t have that kind of negativity around my son or his mother. Their relationship has been rebuilding nicely and this is a crucial time for all of us. We don’t need the extra drama.
On a positive note, Jack has really warmed up to his mom and it’s a beautiful site to see. I’m happy Annie is getting somewhere with him and they seem to be getting closer every day. So not all bad news right? Thanks again Reddit for the help. You guys really helped ease my mind with this situation. Least don’t feel like an asshole anymore for making the right choice.
&nbsp;
[**I’m in love with the mother of my child**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/rpvm9h/im_in_love_with_the_mother_of_my_child/) - 27 December 2021
We didn’t start our relationship in the best way. She was looking for something physical. To forget about losing her husband. And it worked out great. She got pregnant 8 months after we started seeing eachother and then we agreed to work together as co-parents. PPD hit her very hard a few months after our son was born, on top of all the grief she still hadn’t fully processed. And she had to be away for a while to get the help she needed. Especially when the lockdown happened
And for the past 8 months she’s been the best mom to our 2 year old boy. He loves her so much and I’m happy with the progress they’ve made and to see her in such a better headspace. All the effort she put in to get healthy mentally so she can be a mom for our son. Took me a few months to realize I’m in love with her. I always wanted to be supportive through her struggles and be there as a friend /co parent.
She told me before that she’s in love with me too. But for me it doesn’t feel like the right time yet. Or idk maybe I’m still scared to create a new change between us. She’s been a wonderful full time parent, the whole reason we wanted to wait on a relationship was so all our energy could be focused on her rebuilding a relationship with our son, which has been going great.
A few times (like Christmas Eve) we’ve had a few moments where we almost kissed and we wanted to. Keep holding back to wait a little longer. It’s starting to feel like torture. I love her very much and I’m eager for the day I can fully express that.
&nbsp;
[**Update: I’m in love with the mother of my child**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/snpqsv/update_im_in_love_with_the_mother_of_my_child/) - 8 February 2022
The history I have with my son’s mother is a bit of a complicated one (have written posts on it so there’s more details). After her having to be away to get treated for PPD and ptsd, she’s been back in our toddler’s life for close to 10 months. He absolutely adores his mom. We were never an official couple at any point during this but there were growing feelings for a long time. Last time I posted here was met with some positive feedback and decided to stop being afraid of taking things to the next step.
Annie , my son’s mom, admitted almost a year ago that she was in love with me. And for me it didn’t hit until months ago that I’m very much in love with her. With everything that happened we still wanted to take things slow for our son’s sake. I still decided to ask her out on a coffee date. And it was a very sweet time. Then in the car heading back to my place we kissed.
What’s crazy is we’ve kissed plenty of time before when we were only casually sleeping with eachother but this one felt like our first genuine kiss. She told me how much she loved me a few times. Made my heart pound like crazy 😅 It’s been over a month since then and we’ve had several regular dates whenever we can leave our son with a sitter. It’s still scary and new for us so we just try to go at our own pace.
She comes over every day to be with our son while I work until late evening so the 3 of us can have dinner together. The relationship she’s building with my son always warms my heart. She struggled so much to try to be his mom and to finally see them at a place where they are really bonding makes me very happy. And love her even more tbh.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 11,629 | 2022-12-03T22:22:12 | AITA for making my sister leave my house after her “joke” about my son’s mom leaving again? | NEW UPDATE | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zbsk2k/aita_for_making_my_sister_leave_my_house_after/ | false | false | [
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zby1bt | [removed] | 1 | 2022-12-04T02:31:22 | I(30M) ended the relationship with my fiancée (29F) for secretly talking to my mother(60F) behind my back. | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zby1bt/i30m_ended_the_relationship_with_my_fiancée_29f/ | false | false | [
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zc0v67 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-12-04T04:54:10 | AITA for telling my mom if she wants to plan a wedding to get remarried? | ONGOING | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zc0v67/aita_for_telling_my_mom_if_she_wants_to_plan_a/ | false | false | [
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zc166n | [removed] | 1 | 2022-12-04T05:10:05 | OOP doesn't want to have sex anymore nor lose/hurt her husband. | NEW UPDATE | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zc166n/oop_doesnt_want_to_have_sex_anymore_nor_losehurt/ | false | false | [
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zc7ssa | [removed] | 1 | 2022-12-04T11:46:00 | Am I the asshole for straightening my daughters hair without my wife’s permission? | REPOST | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zc7ssa/am_i_the_asshole_for_straightening_my_daughters/ | false | false | [
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zc88ri | [removed] | 1 | 2022-12-04T12:06:59 | I destroyed my work project, and I hope I get fired | INCONCLUSIVE | ZombieZookeeper | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zc88ri/i_destroyed_my_work_project_and_i_hope_i_get_fired/ | false | false | [
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zc96l9 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-12-04T12:55:12 | Am I the asshole for straightening my daughters hair without my wife’s permission? | REPOST | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zc96l9/am_i_the_asshole_for_straightening_my_daughters/ | false | false | [
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zca0t1 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-12-04T13:39:24 | Am I the asshole for straightening my daughters hair without my wife’s permission? | REPOST | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zca0t1/am_i_the_asshole_for_straightening_my_daughters/ | false | false | [
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zcb6cg | [removed] | 1 | 2022-12-04T14:32:52 | Am I the asshole for straightening my daughters hair without my wife’s permission? | REPOST | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zcb6cg/am_i_the_asshole_for_straightening_my_daughters/ | false | false | [
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zccdfk | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/[deleted] in r/amitheasshole**
trigger warning: >!racism!<
---
&nbsp;
[**AITA for straightening my daughters hair without my wife’s permission?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pgt58h/aita_for_straightening_my_daughters_hair_without/) - 3 September 2021
I (male 32) have a four year old daughter. Let’s call her Gracie. Gracie is half black, her mother (female 31) being African American. Her mother over all handled all of Gracie’s hair care and taught me how to do simple styles but even those “simple” styles were difficult.
My wife ended up going on a vacation with her friends to celebrate her friends birthday and my mother came over to visit. I hadn’t done Gracie’s in a few days so it became nappy and unmanageable. When I tried to comb her hair the comb broke. My mother said that I should get my daughter a perm so her hair would be more manageable so I took her to a salon and got it permed.
My wife got home and when she saw our daughter she was livid. She screamed at me and then at my mother for even suggesting that but I think she’s overreacting because it’s just hair. Then she brought up our wedding. My mother had tried to get my wife to straighten her hair for the wedding but my wife refused because she wanted her natural hair on her wedding day so she could be as natural as possible.
My mother often comments on my wife’s and daughters hair and I agree with my mother. But now my wife’s telling me that perms chemically burn and damage hair to change the texture and that I “damaged” our daughters hair. Now she’s thinking of getting our daughters hair cut so her hair can “heal from the damages” but I still think she’s overreacting. Besides, I don’t want my daughters hair to be cut. She looks so cute now.
Am I the asshole for straightening my daughters hair without my wife’s permission even though Gracie is my daughter too?
Verdict: YTA
**Edit:**
I’ve read the comments and came to a realization about my marriage and my wife and now I just feel horrible. My wife’s mentioned in passing about her childhood and was always vague about it but after overhearing a conversation between her and my mother in law I just realized how much I truly messed up.
My wife is dark skinned and tall and she got bullied for that along with her hair. She went to a predominately white school in bogalusa and that made her hate herself and her looks for a while. My god my wording was horrible too. My wife is beautiful and so is my daughter and their hair isn’t a problem. I’m the problem and so is my mother.
After hearing my wife’s conversations about me and my mother I realized that my mothers a bully and I’m just a drone/follower. My mother constantly picked on my wife and I just stood by and blindly agreed because she’s my mom. But that woman who I married is my wife and I should have protected her from… my own ignorance and my mothers ignorance.
I took something she took pride in and belittled it. I was too lazy to learn and took my mothers advice. Hell my mothers said so many cruel things that I didn’t think twice of until reading these comments. She’d always make sure my daughter didn’t play outside when she’d go over her house because she didn’t want her to be darker like her mother and that comment made me uncomfortable but I took it as a weird joke.
I’m cutting my mother off and I’m going to apologize to my wife and daughter and start watching hair tutorials again. I’m also going to sign up for a hair braiding class when the pandemic has slowed down once more. God I’m a horrible husband and father. When my wife is willing to talk to (I won’t force her) I’ll apologize and if she wants to leave me over this it’ll hurt like hell but I’ll understand. I’ve just pushed her to the sidelines for so long and couldn’t even see it.
I am the asshole. The biggest asshole here.
**Edit 2:**
I just got off the phone with my mother. My wife listened in on the phone call, I didn’t realize she was in the living room with me until she put her hand on my shoulder during the call. My mother is well, livid. She freaked out on me and threatened to call CPS When I told her I didn’t want her coming around my wife and daughter and refused to even try to understand what we did wrong.
Then I mentioned the damage that the perm could cause to my daughter, (I read a small article by a black owned hair care company about childhood perm horror stories along with the history behind perms and I’m just… disgusted with myself and my mother) and my mother said my wife was being a drama queen. When I told her my daughter might need a hair cut behind this she flipped out and said “I won’t let my grand daughter look like a bull d*ke!” And I was mortified.
She said she’s take my daughter from me and my wife and raise her the way god intended. That caused a screaming match. My wife put her hand on my shoulder in the midst of it and took the phone from home and told my mother if she comes to our home again the police will be called and then she hung up. I put our baby to bed and then we talked. My daughter and wife are beautiful and I don’t understand how for the life of me I thought those horrible things.
Maybe it was like that snl sketch “diet racism.” Hearing those things from your parent and just blindly listening no matter how horrible it sounds. My wife is still mad at me (rightfully so) but she told me she isn’t leaving me over this. She said I have a lot to learn and that if I want this relationship to last I need to open my eyes and realize that the world I live in is different from the one she lives in and different from the world our daughter will live in.
I’m horrified at myself and horrified at my mother. My father called a few moments ago but I ignored the call. I’ll talk to him in the morning about this. Thank you all for talking some sense into me and I thanked my wife for staying with me even though she doesn’t have to. Tomorrow we are asking our baby girl if she wants a hair cut. Knowing her she’ll want to get one like her uncle.
He has these cool designs shaved into hide head. If she wants that she can have that. She’s my world and I refuse to ever be this ignorant and harmful to her again.
**Final edit:**
my wife and I arranged for our daughter to spend the night at my mother in laws house and couples therapy will be in the near future. The comments sections have certainly given me many perspectives of how horrible my words and actions are. I won’t be doing any more replies or edits because this is a throw away account. I think that’s the right term for this. My mother has called the house multiple times from my sisters phone. My sister is 25 and lives for drama so now the whole family on my mothers side is blowing up my phone with many mixed opinions… most of which are horrible.
It’s funny, the only family member who’s opinion reflects this comment sections common consensus is the one who was disowned a few months ago. Well actually that’s not funny. It shows how messed up my family is. Thank you all for these replies no matter how “harsh” or “mean” they might seem, I needed this.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 11,709 | 2022-12-04T15:21:00 | Am I the asshole for straightening my daughters hair without my wife’s permission? | REPOST | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zccdfk/am_i_the_asshole_for_straightening_my_daughters/ | false | false | [
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zcdowr |
I'm not the OOP. OOP is u/strugglingwife1234.
[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/x23pv0/i_never_want_to_have_sex_again_like_ever_but_i_do/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) (31 August 22)
**I never want to have sex again, like ever, but I do not want to lose or hurt my husband. I've been struggling with this for over a year.**
I (29F) am married to a man who we shall call John (30.)
I saw other posts on here of others in a similar spot, and I have done a few things over the last year or so.
I have been to doctors, therapists, asked around online about solutions but my sex drive is just flat dead. Nothing brings it back. Nobody has had answers, yet. I am in perfect shape (so is he, i havent lost love or physical attraction), no body dysmorphia, hormonal levels are fine, I am not on hormonal bc, I dont take any other medications. I tried stupid online bullshit and snakeoil but i think deep down I knew that stuff was never going to work.
We have been together for 7 years, married 3. We are happy, we have a home and good careers, 3 wonderful dogs and our families get along. But I just cannot stomach the idea of *ever* having sex again. It makes my skin crawl thinking about it. I have either been making excuses to put it off or just grinning and bearing it when he was clearly just riled up and i didn't have the heart to look him in the eye and say "ew." I literally have a cry the next time I am alone.
I was his first, he wasn't my first, I taught him how to be *my* lover. Everything was fine for over 5 years, John is considerate, takes his time, made sure we both had fun and felt satisfied. I feel so awful even considering talking to him about it. Before last year, we had done it nearly every day. Over the last year my sex drive has slowly died.
I think that I just do not want to have sex...ever again. Is that so odd? Why is that so wrong?
How do I approach this with John? I plan to sit him down on our next day off together, which is in 5 days. I have that long to decide what to do. I cant do to this to him or myself any longer than that.
Is it right for me to unilaterally cut that part of our relationship out? I do not think so, but everyone says that "i shouldnt be forced to do it just to keep my marriage" (which sounds like crap based on the other posts here. I know sex is important.)
I don't know what to do next. He has been completely in the dark on this because I'm scared of divorce, I don't want him to think I don't love him, or think hes unattractive. I'm scared to hurt my best friend, I don't want him to resent me or to feel trapped.
Just, any advise, please. I feel like I am about to burn our entire lives down.
[UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/x5tf61/update_i_never_want_to_have_sex_again_like_ever/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) (4 Sept 22)
**UPDATE: I never want to have sex again, like ever, but I do not want to lose or hurt my husband. I've been struggling with this for over a year.**
TLDR: did not go well, he left the house and hasn't come back yet. I know he is safe, via his sister.
I decided to talk to him sooner rather than later and took a few days off from work to sort this out. I think he might have left me over “the lying to him for a year” part. I am mostly just venting, but if you have thoughts, by all means. I do not think there is anything I can do alone to fix this.
John was not angry at first, but made it clear that he would not support being in a sexless marriage. He was also a bit annoyed that I asked if he would be ok sleeping with others. He is one of those super honest and holds to his values quite strongly, which is one of the many things I respect about him. There was a lot of emotions, he walked around the neighborhood a few times, would come back in and ask questions, then leave again. (He goes on walks to clear his head, this is not strange.)
He was angry after I told him how long I had kept this to myself, and to be clear, he asked for a timeline. I told him about the doctors, snake oil, and the therapy. I knew he was going to be mad, but John was red and absolutely fucking silent. I've only seen genuinely mad once before and it quite literally paralyzed me to have him look at me that way. John has never, and will never hurt me, but he never made me *feel* small or vulnerable. His size always made me feel safe, but in that moment I felt different. He just walked away, got his laptop bag and said he was going to a friend's house. I have a feeling I know which one, but I did not have a chance to ask.
I have not heard back from him since he left two days ago. I called and texted, but he didn't answer me directly. Instead, I got a call from his older sister, she asked me to just leave him be and let him work stuff out for the moment. (at least I know he's somewhere safe) She asked me what I did to upset him so much and I (foolishly) told her the truth. That went just swell. I completely needed my ass chewed, because that can only help right? (Sarcasm, in case thats not obvious.)
At this point, I just want him to come home. He has been the perfect partner and I just want him to talk to me. He doesn't deserve this, I should've never kept anything to myself. We have a king sized fucking bed that I am sleeping in alone, the dogs are clearly confused, sleeping by the door, because I am the only one feeding and walking them instead of both of us.
My plan, assuming he goes along with it, is suggesting couples therapy. Thats all I got.
#[NEW UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/user/strugglingwife1234/comments/z5et0m/he_is_leaving_but_clearly_trying_to_burn_my_life/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (27 Nov 22)
**He is leaving but clearly trying to burn my life down on the way out.**
John has decided to leave. Divorce proceedings are already messy because John challenged our prenup in court and it was found to be "unconscionable" by the judge because I had violated it by telling him to basically cheat if he ever wants sex again. I had no idea he had even hired a lawyer, so I showed up alone and unprepared.
Why isn't anyone in this whole thing seeing that I am miserable and don't want him to leave at all? I do not understand why having sex is such a big deal for him. We did so many other things together and just because I don't want to do one of them anymore it's all over. What ever happened to consent??
Now we have to fight over the house, dogs, and he is even going after business assets. We could have had an easy split, but he has decided to be petty instead. My only option to protect the business that I started during college is to use lawyers he could never afford.
Our entire life has turned to shit, and I am struggling to find out why I am having to suffer for this.
**Reminder - I'm not the OOP** | 10,416 | 2022-12-04T16:12:28 | OOP doesn't want to have sex anymore nor lose/hurt her husband. | NEW UPDATE | prettiergenghis | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zcdowr/oop_doesnt_want_to_have_sex_anymore_nor_losehurt/ | false | false | [
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zcege0 | **Note, lack of paragraphs is in the original posts**
[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromYourServer/comments/z2xyry/my_managers_just_screwed_themselves_rant/) posted in r/talesfromyourserver by u/AdWorth811 on Nov 23, 2022
**my managers just screwed themselves - rant**
For context, i work at a fast-casual bbq joint. We're open on thanksgiving day, for pick-ups only. People pre-order whole turkeys and hams from our place. Sometimes they'll get sides, gallon beverages, etc. Basically, they're only picking up their thanksgiving meals from us til the afternoon. For the many years I've worked here, I've always been scheduled to work thanksgiving (which we also get paid time and a half for), but this year, I was not put on the schedule. When asked about this, the assistant GM told me that the only people working thanksgiving will be the managers and shift leaders. I'm not only mad, but so excited to see how this goes down for them. These managers have to ask ME how to do certain tasks for the customers, they're going to drown. Not scheduling any of our FOH staff is a disaster waiting to happen. They're not going to know when/if an order needs to be paid for, meaning, they're going to lose a great amount of money tomorrow. Idk, I just needed to be angry for a second. They wanna keep labor down so bad that they're only putting salary employees on the line instead of hourly. I could go on and on about this place.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromYourServer/comments/z4v0n4/update_my_managers_just_screwed_themselves/) posted in r/talesfromyourserver by u/AdWorth811 on Nov 26, 2022
**[ UPDATE ] - my managers just screwed themselves**
Hi, hello, two days ago I posted about how in order to keep OT time down, my GM decided only his salary managers/shift leaders would be working the Thanksgiving bbq train. To start, I want to clear up a few things: - I am aware I am not the glue holding this restaurant together. I clearly stated that it was a terrible idea to not schedule any FOH employees. - I will not disclose the restaurant, but it was nice seeing your guesses!
Alright, now here's how Thanksgiving went. I woke up at 11am (one hour til close) to not one, but two missed calls from two different managers. That's four calls. Not only were there phone calls, but my GM sent me PHOTOS of our POS system asking how to add their rewards / find "recall orders" for our online orders that needed to be paid for. I will not share the photos because I do not wish to disclose my restaurant/location. One of the managers I tolerate actually sent me a snap of him telling me how the day was going after close, close to 2pm (two hours after close). The restaurant had gotten multiple calls from different people asking to place an order for a turkey, and when he replied telling them we've been sold out for weeks, the reply was almost always "thank you for ruining my thanksgiving". Who tries to get a turkey the day of???? So beyond me. I came to work this morning seeing four orders that we mysteriously not picked up (two of which had a whole brisket on their receipt!). There was no prep for me this morning and what prep was left was expired. I quickly found out from our kitchen manager, that we should've made $11k in sales with the three hours that we were open, but instead made $8.5k because...guess what...you'll never believe this.... they have away food that wasn't paid for!!!! In our online order system, all of our receipts look the same if it is paid for or not. The only way to tell is by the teeny tiny text in all the mess below the customers information. To pay for their food, we have to go into our POS system, open "recall orders" > "olo queue" > customers name. These MANAGERS could not figure it out. How? idk. I was told the only two managers who knew how to work our olo system were sent to the back to make teas and lemonade. yea.. also! we've had a rat we've been trying to catch for two weeks and he made an appearance in the dining room yesterday! Luckily it went back into hiding before any customers could see it, but three managers spotted him easily. What a wonderful, wonderful thanksgiving. I got asked by my GM this morning why I didn't answer my phone. Told him I simply didn't see the messages. :)
**I am not the OP** | 5,821 | 2022-12-04T16:41:47 | OP's managers screwed themselves over Thanksgiving | CONCLUDED | beerbellybegone | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zcege0/ops_managers_screwed_themselves_over_thanksgiving/ | false | false | [
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zceszp | [removed] | 1 | 2022-12-04T16:55:06 | Op resents his parents. | ONGOING | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zceszp/op_resents_his_parents/ | false | false | [
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zcf1jo | [removed] | 1 | 2022-12-04T17:03:35 | AITA for telling my mom if she wants to plan a wedding to get remarried? | ONGOING | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zcf1jo/aita_for_telling_my_mom_if_she_wants_to_plan_a/ | false | false | [
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zcf1of | **I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/Guilty\_Balance\_556](https://www.reddit.com/user/Guilty_Balance_556/). She posted on [r/AITA](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITA/).
I know sometimes people on mobile want something written here so they don't see the Mood Spoiler right away. Sooooo I'm taking a page out of fellow BORU poster [u/Celany](https://www.reddit.com/user/Celany/)'s book and inserting a fun fact. Did you know that dolphins use toxic pufferfish to get high?
**Trigger Warning:** >!Homophobia!<
**Mood Spoiler:** >!OOP knows she can count on her in-laws but not her mom!<
**Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yrw0xh/aita_for_telling_my_mom_if_she_wants_to_plan_a/)**: November 10, 2022**
I (32f) recently started planning my wedding with my fiancée (31f) and my mom immediately jumped to help us plan. I thought at first it'd be ok but she will call vendors and venues she likes, will give them my information so they call me about a scheduled time and my mom swoops in to say "it'd be rude not to go since they invited you." It was obvious it was her after the third time when she wouldn't stop giggling and admitted to calling before hand and making appointments. I wouldn't take issue with this but my mom and I have wildly different tastes, every time me or my fiancée tell her something like how want to have this color for the table clothes or these flowers she'll tell us that they look bad and will give us her own plan. She recently showed us a massive binder of different ideas she wants us to look through.
It's exhausting, at every step she will insist on looking at her ideas and when we reject them she'll throw a fit and tell me I don't love her because I ignore all her wishes. I also want to add I think she's had it in her head since I was a kid she'd plan my wedding. Even before I came out and dated men she'd comment on how excited she was for the wedding, and when me and when I told her my fiancée proposed she immediately started berating me about when we'd have the wedding so she could help us plan it. Part of it is that when she married my dad it was a small courthouse affair because she was pregnant with me at the time and never got a proper wedding. My dad also died 17 years ago and she's dates sporadically but never for longer than a few months.
The last time me and my fiancée went to see a venue she tagged along and made all these comments on how gross everything was, pointing out all the tiny things wrong with it all. The person showing us was getting annoyed, my fiancée was getting annoyed and so was I. She eventually said "if this where my wedding I'd NEVER even consider this dump." despite it being absolutely beautiful and within the budget. I snapped and told her that if she wanted to plan a wedding so badly she should get remarried. It was cruel but I was so tired of her trying to have her perfect wedding through me. My fiancée thinks I'm not at fault but the rest of my family doesn't.
AITA?
Edit: adding answers to a couple common questions, is she paying for the wedding? no she's not paying a penny. Why don't you set boundaries with her? We have, she doesn't listen and will cry and guilt me and my fiancée until we go along with her or look at what she's picked out for us
*OOP is voted NTA.*
**Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z6gfbo/update_aita_for_telling_my_mom_if_she_wants_to/)**: November 27**
Hello everyone I took all of the advice to heart and me and my fiancée had a sit down and looked at the comments together and we agreed we both need to grow spines. Our wedding planner is truly a saint and had no problem setting up passwords with vendors like some people suggested and it was a great suggestion so thank you.
We then invited my mom to dinner and told her that she has to stop trying to help us with the wedding.
It started off bad as she brought her binder and had her own wedding dress in her car. Her dress is in very bad condition, would not fit either me or my fiancée and is quite frankly hideous. I would never say that to her face, though I've told her every time she's asked that I want to pick out my own dress and she should keep hers for if she wants to get remarried.
She assumed that we had invited her to apologize and let her plan the wedding however she wanted. How she jumped to that conclusion I have no idea.
We lied about not wanting her to get overly stressed in the hope she'd take it better then telling her that she's been causing problems and that she hasn't been helpful.
She didn't take it well and started crying, and saying all she ever wanted was for me to have the perfect wedding and she'd already given up getting the perfect son in law and grandchildren so at the least we could let her plan the wedding. It stunned us both as she has never said a bad word about me liking women, not when I came out, not when I got my first girlfriend, not when me and my fiancée got engaged.
That put me over the edge and I told her that she wasn't going to plan anything, she was a guest and nothing more and I would be cutting her speech if she was going to behave like a child. She had a full on tantrum so me and my fiancée paid and left her to cry and scream in the restaurant.
That was all fine and dandy until our florist called to tell us my mom had called to try and get the flower arrangements changed behind our back. I called her and she tried to lie until she realized she was backed into a corner and admitted to doing it because she knew what was best and was trying to help.
Needless to say that I've now uninvited her from the wedding with the full support of my fiancée and my soon to be MIL and FIL.
**Relevant Comments:**
*Someone points out that they obviously could adopt, so why is Mom upset:*
"she's well aware but apparently it "wouldn't count" if we adopted or my fiancée carried the child because biologically it wouldn't be *her* grandchild. I can't carry a child because of health complications and me and my fiancée have agreed that if we ever do have kids it won't be for at least a few years. Which isn't good enough for her, she wants us to pop out grand-babies for her yesterday."
"she's gotten it in her head if I was straight I wouldn't have health issues and that I should just try harder to have a child. All reasoning falls on deaf ears unfortunately"
**I didn't want to mark this as a happy ending, because in truth it's sad that OOP has lost her mom for the time being, even if it's for the best. It's sad that the mom can't see past her own prejudices and egocentrism. I truly wish OOP and her fiancée the best.** | 3,921 | 2022-12-04T17:03:44 | AITA for telling my mom if she wants to plan a wedding to get remarried? | ONGOING | LucyAriaRose | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zcf1of/aita_for_telling_my_mom_if_she_wants_to_plan_a/ | false | false | [
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zcf1zc | **I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Inevitable-Access-17 **in** r/relationship_advice
mood spoilers: >!upsetting!<
[My parents are getting my extended family involved since I am distancing myself from them.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/yzf9k7/my_parents_are_getting_my_extended_family/) \- 19 November 2022
I shared my story before on reddit a while ago under a different username. Out of frustration, I deleted my story and account. However new stuff has come up. My therapist thought it was a good idea to share my story since it's cathartic and it feels secure for me.
My parents came out to me as polyamorous and as swingers when I was 16. They told me they started swinging when I was little, which doesn't surprise me given how frequently gone they were as I was growing up. I used to think they used to prefer doing other stuff aside from spending time as a family or with just me. They didn't outright neglect me as we did have dinner, family vacations and I could come from them for advice. However, it was painfully obvious majority of their happiness came from their marriage and adult lifestyle.
When they came out to me. They started bringing the couple they had a relationship with more frequently. It's like they dropped all pretenses of being a normal family. The couple was every 3-4 days or my parents were gone there every other week. It felt like I was pushed aside for this couple. , unfortunately, had to go to community college to save up money so I could transfer for my engineering degree. My parents were nice enough to let me stay while I went to community college. In hindsight, it was a bad idea. I remember when I was 19, my mom had m, my former classmate,Josh, over and I found out the worst way possible. I started avoiding my parents and spent more time in the library. My grades were good enough for me to transfer out of state. My parents visited multiple times but I kept my distance.
It's been two years now, and I get a call from my mother begging me to visit her on her birthday. I gave her the usual bs that I was too busy. My dad then revealed everybody left them and it hurts that I'm pushing them away. I went to the nonmonogamous forums. They said I was too harsh. My girlfriend's parents who I value a lot said I was being too harsh also. So I decided to go. My parents tried to be physically affectionate with me but I initially pushed them away till my mom started crying about it. My mom suggested I spend time with just her by going to the mall together. This was the first time in a while she has ever done that. She told me she was sorry about Josh. I told her how I felt throughout these years. She started bursting in tears and apologized profusely. People were looking at us so I calmed her down by saying it was okay. My father got defensive when I went fishing with him. So I left the next morning and told them to not call me until I was ready to talk to them. My mom said okay. Then my dad called me drunk at night saying I was the best thing that ever happened to him besides meeting my mom. I cried after that call. Now I got all my relatives begging me to talk to my parents and calling me an asshole.
My aunt says she is disappointed in me for not forgiving them. My cousins are keeping their distance. I am still getting calls from my parents. They keep asking me to talk to them.
[UPDATE: My parents are getting my extended family involved since I am distancing myself from them.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/z28ps3/update_my_parents_are_getting_my_extended_family/) \- 22 November 2022
Well, a lot has happened. My mom called me to see if I wanted to do Thanksgiving with them. I told them I am going to spend it with my girlfriend's family. She then complained about me never going to their house for Thanksgiving for five years now. I again told her I needed my space from them. Then she asks "How long are we going to be like this." She started crying after that. My dad apparently took the phone from her. He apologized for my mom's behavior. He then pleaded with me to at least stay about an hour. I stood my ground and told them no. He responded by saying "Well, sorry for bothering you.", and then hung up.
After two hours, I then get two lovely calls from both of my aunts from my mother's side. One was calling me an asshole and another begging me to come through.
My mood is fucked up right now
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.**
Note: This was OP's detailed and original post.
I saw some post over here that motivated me to share my similar situation. My parents used to frequently go out as a couple a lot more compared to other parents. I mean, we did a lot of stuff as a family, but they seemed to really enjoy each other's company more than anything or really preferred adult outings. When I was 16 years old, they opened up to me about their ethical nonmonogamious relatiobnship. They were swingers with a poly quad relationship with another couple who I thought they were just close friends of theirs. They thought I was mature enough to take the news and they didn't want me to find out from someone else. They also wanted to be more open about their poly quad relationship at home. That sort of gave them the green light to go all out with their enm lifestyle. The quad couple visited significantly more than usual. They were openly affectionate with this couple in the house. They sort of asked me to make myself scarce on the weekends more times I can count. I was 19 years old and I was commuting to community college. I remember coming back home a little bit earlier. I walked in and there was a half naked dude getting water from our refrigerator. I was shocked when I recognized him since he was only two years my senior and we went to high school together. He was in shock when he saw me too. My mom came out of her room asking him(lets' call him Josh) when he is coming back for "second rounds". My mom found me in the kitchen wearing her nightgown. Her face flushed red. She was in shock too, apparently. Josh spoke and said "My bad dude. I didn't know these were your parents. Casey(mom) I went to high school with your kid." I told them I'm going to stay at a hotel tonight. My mom quickly interjected and lied by saying Josh was leaving. The next day, she apologized for the awkward situation. She still kept seeing him though. Now, I'm not attracted to my own parents. The sheer thought would make me hurl. However, the fact that my parents such special attention to someone who was my peer, made me insanely jealous. I started avoiding being at home. I was at the library or at my friends' houses majority of the time. The good news was that my grades went up significantly. I was able to transfer to a really notable engineering school in the country to finish my last two years of my mechanical engineering degree. It was also far away from home. My parent pulled the usual "Oh we don't you to go. Can't you find some place close. Alright we'll miss you." bullshit. I got a nice internship for my last two years so I didn't need to visit my parents during the summer or spring break since I could afford an apartment with my friends. They definitely visited me but I made it clear I was too busy for them when they visited. It's been two years now, but I love my life. I have a sweet job that pays really well. I am in a stable, lovely relationship for three years. Her parents love me like crazy. However, my parents were the ones that sort of spoiled my picture perfect life. My mother started calling me every other day even though the conversations were long, painful and awkward. Thet kept asking when was I visiting. I had to make up a bullshit excuse of being always too busy due to my job. My mom begged me yesterday to visit her on her upcoming birthday. I told her I was too busy for her. She started bursting into tears. She randomly started begging me to not abandon them like everyone else did. My father then called and told me that Josh and the couple moved on from them. That took a toll in their life and they just wanted comfort. I told my dad, it makes me uncomfortable to pretend to be close to them when I'm really not. He then called me an asshole. \[UPDATE:\](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/vj3nb2/update\_i\_told\_my\_parents\_that\_their\_lifesty) My girlfriend and her family suggested I go visit my parents for my Mom's birthday next week. My girlfriend's mom told me her heart would be broken if she didn't gave a close relationship with either of her kids. I decided to share my posts on the polyfamilies and nonmonogamy subreddits. I got a few responses that were harsh. Some suggested I was running away from my problems and that I'm being cruel to my parents. It was hard to swallow. I've decided to book tickets to visit my parents. I asked them if I could talk to them about our relationship and they immediately said yes. I really don't want to go but there can be alot of benefit going I guess. I'll keep you folks updated. | 2,972 | 2022-12-04T17:04:04 | Op resents his parents | ONGOING | QuestionPowerful7 | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zcf1zc/op_resents_his_parents/ | false | false | [
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zcftaj | **I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/hostageLulla **in** r/AmItheAsshole
trigger warnings: >!ableism?!<
[**AITA for not sharing my prize with a mentally handicapped person in a contest?**](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bihmbc/aita_for_not_sharing_my_prize_with_a_mentally/) \- 28th April 2019
Every summer my community has a cookoff competition. Usually about 20-30 individuals or couples try to cook xyz and then they can win a portion of the entry ticket fees while the rest go into the community parks. It's not summer yet but they decided to do it early. This year it was pasta sauce. I've been going to these for years, ever since my wife and I moved here but this is the first time I entered as a competitor. It was earlier today.
One of the other competitors, I know her somewhat (only in passing) is a 15 or 16 year old with Asperger's Syndrome and autism. I don't know much about this condition evidently. I'll call her Jessica. I guess a lot of people got wind of her being a part of the competition that we had news crews here taping her to put on the news. We've never had this before as far as I know.
To make the story short, I won the competition. And $1,500. There's no second or third place prize, it's winner takes all. My wife and I were in shock because I like to think of myself as a decent home cook and take pride in my pasta sauce specifically, but to win a contest? We were tickled pink.
We celebrated for about twenty minutes when the event organizers came to us. You might be able to guess where this is going, but they asked if we'd give our prize to Jessica as a "gesture of good will". They said they'd get some publicity since news reporters are here. We obviously said no, $1,500 is a lot of money. So they then asked if we'd like to split it, 50/50, with Jessica. Likewise we said no.
I guess some nearby patrons overheard the conversation and chimed in. Apparently we're assholes and jerks for not sharing the prize at least. After a few moments, there might have been 10 other people all clamoring to us about how we're a disgrace to the community, etc.
We had to leave and haven't collected our winnings yet. We're meant to tomorrow from the mayor's office. I can't even imagine what's going to happen tomorrow.
Are we the assholes for not splitting our winnings with a disabled child for a cooking competition?
&#x200B;
**Verdict - NTA (Not the A-hole)**
&#x200B;
[**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bjai4e/update_aita_for_not_sharing_my_prize_with_a/) \- 30th April 2019
My wife went yesterday to collect our winnings and they shorted her $500. My wife is of the timid type and didn't want a conflict so she took the reduced winnings and had a few choice words but otherwise didn't contest it. They gave the rest to Jessica. They made up a fake story to her that they made a 2nd place prize on the spot and Jessica won it, thanks to the generosity of my wife and I. This was all bogus.
We made a post on our community Facebook page saying we had a great time at the competition but didn't appreciate the comments we received or how we were treated. I guess Jessica's family got wind of this and contacted my wife to meet up earlier today.
Jessica's family gave us the money back and while they were excited at first, couldn't take it under false pretenses. They found it condescending to give Jessica a prize just for having ASD. It was a joint decision between Jessica and her parents.
We talked a bit and learned Jessica only joined because she's writing a cookbook for an Asperger's Syndrome organization. She's apparently an avid cook and has trouble keeping everything consistent every time, so it's half for her and half for this organization. Part of why she went to the competition is to raise awareness of the cookbook itself as well as ASD/ASS and hopefully win, of course. We didn't know any of this at all, and I guess this is why the organizers wanted good PR.
My wife asked her if there was anything she could do and she can. She's going to help out where she can or if Jessica needs assistance. Things like editing, photography, etc. I guess everything turned out okay for everyone in the end, except my contempt for the competition organizers.
PS: [Here's](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bihmbc/aita_for_not_sharing_my_prize_with_a_mentally/em15ywu/) the recipe I used, a lot of people asked for it in the previous thread. [Here](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bjai4e/update_aita_for_not_sharing_my_prize_with_a/em7gekx/) it is rewritten to be less ambiguous/more info.
PPS: Yes, I know "mentally handicapped" isn't the right verbiage. I've learned a lot about ASD in the last few days. I only kept it to be congruent with the previous post. Autism and Asperger's in particular may not always or ever be a mental handicap, I should have said disabled instead judging by a few comments.
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 3,738 | 2022-12-04T17:32:21 | AITA for not sharing my prize with a mentally handicapped person in a contest? | CONCLUDED | raredontstare | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zcftaj/aita_for_not_sharing_my_prize_with_a_mentally/ | false | false | [
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zcgeh8 | [removed] | 1 | 2022-12-04T17:54:33 | AITA for refusing to attend my sisters wedding because of her fiancé? | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zcgeh8/aita_for_refusing_to_attend_my_sisters_wedding/ | false | false | [
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zcghkw | **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwrahelpmi in r/relationship_advice**
trigger warning: >!mention of suicide!<
---
&nbsp;
[**My(28M) wife(27F) left me for 3 months and recently begged me to take her back, I said no and no everyone seems to be against me, I need some advice strangers**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/e025s8/my28m_wife27f_left_me_for_3_months_and_recently/) - 22 November 2019
Well let me give some background information as the situation will be hard to understand without it.
7 years ago I got married to the girl of my dreams Denise(Fake name), we had been dating for 2 years before that and it was like a dream come true, that changed after our marriage. After our marriage she constantly started feeling down and out of it and eventually I got her to go to a doctor who sent her to a therapist and from there we found out she had depression to do with things from her past that she was trying to forget. I decided to be as supportive as I could be, I took care of most of the house work, despite working 40 hours a week and told her to just get herself in order and if she needed to talk to me I would be there for her.
That was 6 and a half years ago, before she left she was still depressed, she basically only lays in bed and complains, she does nothing, we had no intimacy, no sex, no cuddles, no going out, my entire day was filled with work and house work. Day in and day out I worked my ass off, came home to a mess of a house and started cleaning up, starting dinner and so forth at the end of the day I was exhausted and all I could expect was for Denise to unload more of her trouble on me and complain about herself, me and everything around her.
I could not even hang out with my buddies to get away from it all as she would relentlessly call me saying she was scared and everything so I also had no social life, not that I had time for it anyway...But despite it all I pushed through hoping that sooner or later she would break out of it and we could have a proper life together as I loved her and as they say for better and worse and this was quite clearly worse, possibly the worst it would ever be.
4 months ago she got a new therapist and 3 months ago that therapist suggested she needed time away from me as her depression started when we married so I may be the cause of it, the moment she told me I was crushed, I started doubting myself, blaming myself, worrying, but beneath it all this creeping sense of having done everything for her, having sacrificed years of my life as a cashcow and a servant for her to lay in bed and this is my thanks? It is my fault now?
But I rejected that feeling, trying to talk through it, but she decided to leave and stay with her mother, saying she needed time away from me and that I may be the cause of her depression and so forth, honestly the entire argument is a blur in my head.
I spend the next month when she moved out calling her, her family, begging and humiliating myself just to get her back, apologizing for everything I may have done wrong, honestly I was close to ending it all as I was so hopeless at that point.
But that month passed and as it passed I couldn't help but feel relieved, I came home and it was quiet, I could indulge in my hobbies which I had not done in years, the place was not a mess every time I came home, I could relax and two months in I even realized I could hang out with my buddies again, grabbing a beer, enjoying life and slowly I started to realize that I had been miserable this entire time.
Slowly that turned in to more and more realizations before I realized I honestly did not love her anymore, I felt like my youth was wasting away, I could do much, much better than this, I felt like I was a caretaker of a handicapped old lady, hell I still looked good and as I went out I started once again gaining back my self confidence, women would flirt with me, I felt wanted even though I never did flirt back.
After all these realizations I suddenly got a call from my wife, saying she made a huge mistake, she was sobbing her eyes out and how she was an idiot taking the therapists words as fact and how much she loved me. For a moment I wanted to say yes, yes please come back...
But I couldn't, I just blurted it out and said to her she had left me and I was done with this relationship, I told her I would get divorce papers and I told her I had wasted enough time as it was and this final action of hers was the nail in the coffin, after that I just dropped the phone, started crying for a bit before turning in and feeling liberated.
The issue now is, is that everyone in my family is telling me I am making a mistake, I should take her back, I owe it to her to try and make it work, marriage is not always fun etc. The thing is, I never had fun in this marriage, I can't remember the last time I had fun and wasn't miserable, we are both young and fit and we never even go out,
hell the last time we had sex is over a year ago, all I am to her is a fucking servant as it seems and I rather live along then spend one more hour taking care of her. But on the other end, I doubt myself, am I really dumping someone that is depressed? I feel horrible about it, I feel like a failure...I just need advice.
**EDIT:**
Wow, I stepped away from my phone for a while and return to a ton of comments, thank you all so much, I will try to read them all.
**EDIT 2:**
While I have a hard time defending my wife right now, let me clarify something that is popping up in some comments. I know for a fact that she did not sleep around with anyone while we were separated.
&nbsp;
[**Update: My(28M) wife(27F) left me for 3 months and recently begged me to take her back, I said no and no everyone seems to be against me, I need some advice strangers**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/e33cna/update_my28m_wife27f_left_me_for_3_months_and/) - 28 November 2019
Let me start by thanking all the people who responded, there was a lot of insight, a lot of advice and a lot of support and while there were certainly a fair share of people just looking for an argument, insulting me, making offensive comments or trying to rope me in to something called mgtow luckily the vast majority of replies were great and stuff I could work with. Especially those who are in similar situations and those who are in said situation but are the depressed party proved to give me some insight I sometimes did not even consider.
Also I am sorry for not being able to respond to everyone, I really tried my best to respond but there were so many comments I honestly couldn't keep up anymore, but rest assured I tried to read just about every single comment so your advice likely did not go in vain and I appreciate it.
I ended up having a really good think about my entire situation, trying to weight out whether I would be able to give her another chance to begin with, as despite my post would give away was actually something I struggled with, I was a bit of an emotional mess after all and honestly I sort of lack/lacked control over my emotions, as you might have noticed in some of my responses some times I seemed nostalgic, forgiving and nice other times I seemed vengeful, resentful and hateful,
I will admit of the bat that this is all me and like I told some people in messages, I was and still am not in the best of places emotionally. But I have been working on getting my own emotions under control the past few days and I can say I am in a better place then I was a week ago, but it will certainly take some more time for me to recuperate from all of this.
Now off to what people were likely looking to see, what ended up happening this week that made me decide to make an update post?
Well, after all that thinking I decided regardless of what course I would be taking as some people suggested, it would be my decisions and my decision alone, not the decision of my parents, her parents, friends or people on the internet, mine alone. A decision I would be the one living with at the end of the day.
So I decided I would inevitably end up regretting it all if I did not at the very least talk to my wife and get some closure. So that is exactly what I did, two days ago I decided to invite her to our home to talk about what us, our relationship, what I would be doing going forward, her depression and so forth, basically just to get it all on the table.
Now, it would be impossible to narrate this entire conversation and honestly it was about some very personal stuff so I would not want to even if I could, so I will instead try to break it down and give a summary of sorts.
We ended up discussing our entire relationship, I must admit it was very awkward and confronting as it was about a lot of stuff myself in particular had bottled up for so long it was very hard for me not to start yelling. I told her I was exhausted, I told her everything we had been trying obviously had not been working, I told her I felt like a doormat, I told her she was not the person I married,
I told her these 3 months had been liberating for me, I told her I was tired of it all, I told her that I felt like she wasn't doing anything to help herself, I told her she was not doing anything around the house, I told her a marriage is supposed to be a partnership but I felt like I was basically married to myself and that I was the only partner in this relationship essentially I unloaded the stuff I had been feeling for years by now,
I told her I had a hard time not regretting the day I married her at this point and while it obviously really, really hurt her to hear, she told me she knew, she knew I was unhappy, she knew she had been anything but a partner, she knew she was horrible about it all, but she felt like whatever she tried she always ended up fearing getting better, getting demotivated to do anything and that when she left she almost felt like she had burdened me enough, that it wasn't for her, but for me,
but that she went about it the wrong way and ended up blaming the therapist as an easy way out, while it was true the therapist had guided her in some way towards this decision, the decision she made was for the right reasons but the explanation she provided was tailored to her, not to me, which was disregarding the therapists advice entirely.
She said she felt guilty about it all and that, that guilt was just making her psychological state even worse, she said she hated seeing me going to work, coming home exhausted and having to clean everything up, until I just passed out essentially(Which I might add is a massive step for her as she never admitted this.)
But she started admitting a lot of stuff and apologizing for a lot of things in our relationship, she said her time away made her realize how much I mean to her and how much she took for granted and that she should have done better a long time ago.
To which I told her, I felt like I had been enabling her essentially, while I had tried to keep her to her medication and all of that, at the end of the day it was always me picking up after her which probably made it easier for her to slip back in to it all.
Well after hours upon hours of talking we ended up hugging for what seemed like over an hour before going back to talking and she basically said she understood if I would not take her back, she understood if I did not trust her to get better, she understood that I was tired, but she asked me to give her one more chance and she would do anything for it.
I have to admit, my mind immediately wanted me to go to the obvious option, which was not taking her back, not giving her a chance, but honestly in this discussion, she was the person I was once in love with, she seemed to take ownership of things, she seemed different somehow, but I also knew the risks coming with taking her back and honestly I was not about to pull another hail Mary. So I told her I would be willing to give it a shot, but it wouldn't be like before, not at all.
I told her, she would have to prove she was going to put in the effort first, before we could even begin.
Firstly I told her she had to get a part-time job, I don't care what sort of job, whether it is waiting tables, at a clothing store or at some company, it is irrelevant, as long as she made sure to go every single time she was supposed to go, look presentable when going and made sure she did her best at said job.
Secondly she knows I like going to the gym, as such she would be going with me at least 3 times a week, get in shape again, get some exercise in but most of all be busy in a healthy way.
Thirdly, she is going to help her parents around the house while she stays there, no more sitting in her room along with her thoughts, groceries, dishes, vacuuming whatever, she was going to make an effort doing it every single day.
Fourthly as some people suggested, we were gonna go on a date once a week, no more escaping, not wanting to go outside, feeling self-conscious, no more excuses.
Fifthly, We were going to do couples counseling, I know we tried before but we will try again.
Sixth, She is going to go to a new therapist, not lie about anything anymore and do what the therapist tells her.
Seventh, if the Therapist suggests medication, she is going to take them every time she is supposed to take them and I will keep them with me and she will take them in front of me, no more forgetting, no more not taking them, no more complaining and if there are issues with them we will try different ones but regardless, she is going to stick to it.
I told her, once we are doing all that we can go to the next stage of repairing our relationship, but until she does them and keeps them up for a good few months there is not a single chance I will continue our relationship(And yes I know ultimatums are a taboo on relationship advice but I don't think I have much of a choice.)
To my surprise, she actually agreed and to my even bigger surprise despite it only having been two days she was actually helping her mother and father around the house yesterday and has been looking for jobs, her dad also said she seems a lot more cheerful.
Now I know there is a long road left and I know there is a good chance this won't work out and that I should not cheer too early, but honestly I am hoping I get my wife back and I felt I owe it to myself to at least allow her this one last chance, call me an idiot for giving her this chance but well, perhaps I am an idiot.
That was my update, I am not sure whether I will make another, I had honestly not even planned on making this one, I want to thank the people who responded to my other post again for their insight and advice and I hope all of you live happily ever after or something haha.
&nbsp;
**Reminder - I am not the original poster.** | 6,032 | 2022-12-04T17:57:45 | OOP's wife leaves him then begs him to take her back | INCONCLUSIVE | toohottooheavy | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zcghkw/oops_wife_leaves_him_then_begs_him_to_take_her/ | false | false | [
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zcgzpa | [removed] | 1 | 2022-12-04T18:15:27 | I [37] caught my wife [43] cheating two years ago and haven't stopped her. | CONCLUDED | [deleted] | /r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zcgzpa/i_37_caught_my_wife_43_cheating_two_years_ago_and/ | false | false | [
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