Datasets:

derek-thomas

/

processed-subset-bestofredditorupdates

like 0

16jzbpd

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/99Necromancers **TIFU when I (18m) asked my parents for permission to have sex in my room** **Originally posted to** r/tifu **CONTENT WARNING:** >!sexual discussions, language!< **NOTE: OOP made a previous post months prior that was similar to these posts but was removed by reddit** [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/tifu/s/eskDocaWFf)  **Aug 19, 2023** A couple of months ago I asked my parents if I was allowed to have sex in my room. My gf and I usually had sex in the woods, but it became too uncomfortable and unsafe, so I decided to embrace the embarrassment of asking my mom and dad for permission to sleep with my gf in my bed. I never wanted to have that conversation with my parents, but I wanted to show them that I was mature enough to talk to them instead of sneaking my gf in and out of my room when no one was watching. Cue the awkward "can I have sex in my room" conversation. My mom struggled to accept the fact that I was sexually active and got upset at me for expecting her to allow me to have sex under her roof. In other words, the answer was no. I was 17 at the time. My mom completely lost her mind after that conversation and decided to start "hiking" all of a sudden, which was an obvious excuse to patrol the woods where my gf and I had sex. She even managed to convince other like-minded moms to "hike" with her because my gf and I were not the only teenagers hooking up in the woods. I called them The Neighbor Wood Watch. My gf and I were forced to go deeper into the woods to lower the risk of not only being caught by real hikers but also by mother hikers aka the NWW. I was confidently leading the way to our new sex spot until I realized I had no idea where we were anymore. I was low key experiencing post nut clarity but without the nut. There were no signs or trails anywhere. My gf and I spent most of the afternoon retracing our steps instead of having sex. I don't know how long we were lost, but it was beginning to get dark when we made it out of the woods. My gf was not happy with me at all. She made it clear that she was done fucking in the woods forever. My mom successfully made the woods fuck proof and cock-blocked me. Not much has changed since I turned 18. I'm still living at home with the leader of the NWW. My gf and I are not having as much sex as we used to because the woods are off limits and we're too poor to pay for privacy. For the record, if you're in my position due to the increase in moms in the woods, I'm sorry. TL:DR I asked my parents if I could have sex in my room instead of in the woods. My mom said no and made it her mission in life to prevent me from having sex anywhere. [Update](https://reddit.com/r/tifu/s/4uhuAkxY58)  **Sept 2, 2023** "Better to ask for forgiveness than permission" I listened to Reddit and convinced my gf to sleep with me in my room when my parents were out of the house. My gf and I managed to get away with it... twice. The first time was easy. My mom was my dad's plus one at a business event that finished late enough for me to have sex in my own bed and cuddle afterwards. The second time was not that easy because my gf noticed all the mousetraps in our house during her first visit and became aware of the fact that we had an obvious mouse problem. Her fear of mice, which I never even knew she had, was bad enough to override her desire to have sex with me inside my house. I suggested an alternative: my dad's 1989 Toyota Corolla that was gathering dust in our garage. The car was no longer in working condition, but at least it was mouse free. I checked. Instead of sheets, my gf and I had seats. In other words, we would still more or less have privacy since we were still technically at my house, but the risk of spotting Stuart Little's offspring was somewhat lower. My gf and I waited for another window of opportunity before getting naked in the back seat of my dad's Corolla. It was hot. Literally. No air con and none of the windows rolled down. Still had sex though. Cut to the third time my gf and I hooked up at my house. The two of us agreed to do it in my dad's old car again. However, when we were done, we struggled to get out of the car because the one door that worked somehow stopped working. I was unable to open the door from the inside. My gf and I panicked. The clock was ticking. It was only a matter of time before my parents would be home. YouTube was no help to us at all. Out of desperation, I was tempted to break one of the car windows in order to escape. My gf begged me not to do that because A) it was dumb and B) she was worried I might get hurt. My gf and I had an argument about whose fault it was that we were in that situation and what needed to happen to get ourselves out. The unpopular but logical option was to call the owner of the car, aka my father, and ask him what the cheat code was to escape. I didn't want to involve my dad at all, but it seemed like there was no other option that made more sense, so I made the call. My dad didn't answer his phone, which was a relief, not gonna lie. I switched to texting and sent him an awkward message asking if there was a trick to opening the door of his Corolla because I was stuck inside. I expected my dad to text me back and ask what I did to end up trapped inside his car, which would've prompted me to lie, but deceiving my dad was pointless because his message made it clear that he knew what was really going on. How? Well, according to my dad, he realized his old car that used to smell like an old car suddenly smelled like sex. Part of me died inside. I wanted nothing more than to unread that message from my dad. In other news, the key to opening my dad's car was to push against the door as hard as possible BEFORE pulling the door handle, not the other way around. That was my dad's pro tip. It worked. My gf and I made it out of the car. I have no idea how I became the bad guy, but my gf was mad at me. She said she was done having sex with me in the woods, in my house and in my dad's fucked up car. I didn't have the energy to argue anymore, so I accepted the blame for apparently everything before saying goodbye. I was in my room when my parents came home. I was too ashamed to show my face. I was feeling even more ashamed towards the end of the evening when I heard my dad argue with my mom about me. Based on what I heard, I assumed my dad probably told my mom about what happened in the car and she lost her shit. I usually put on my headphones and drown out my parents whenever the two of them argue, but this time I chose to eavesdrop, which was another dumb decision of mine because I overheard my dad defending me by reminding my mom about the good old days when they were young and hooking up in the back seat of his 89 Toyota Corolla. The realization that I had sex on the same seats that my parents had sex on made my penis shrivel up inside my pubes and go into exile. On second thought, I decided to put on my headphones after all. All of the above happened in the past week or so. I'm planning to move out soon, so hopefully that makes everyone calm the fuck down about where I fuck. **TL:DR Listened to Reddit. Had sex at my house before deciding to fuck in my dad's old car. Car door stopped working. Gf and I got stuck. Had to call dad. Dad told mom. Gf got mad at me. Mom got mad me. Dad got mad at mom for getting mad at me. I found out my parents had sex in the same car.** **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

TIFU when I (18m) asked my parents for permission to have sex in my room

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16jzbpd/tifu_when_i_18m_asked_my_parents_for_permission/

16k8gdo

**I AM NOT OOP** \- original post is from r/relationship_advice by u/throwradadsucks **My Dad is having an affair with someone who is my age** **trigger warnings:** >!adultery, grooming, pedophilia, predatory behavior, emotional abuse!< **mood spoiler:** >!infuriating, extremely creepy, but a ray of hope at the end!< [**original post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/mndtvq/my_dad_is_having_an_affair_with_someone_who_is_my/) (posted april 9, 2021) I am kind of reeling. My Mum doesn't want to talk about it and just says I don't understand what it means to be married. Maybe I don't but I really really really don't think this is right. My Dad (49M) and my Mum (47F) have been married 20+ years. They have me (21M) and my younger sibling. Don't want to get into sibling's age/gender as they don't know anything about this. They're younger though. Sibling was diagnosed with cancer 8 years ago and it was a big big journey to make sure that sibling got through it. It took a big toll on the whole family. My mum gave up her job to look after sibling full time. It was over 2 years of back and forth. But we got lucky, sibling is thriving now. My dad has a high powered job and always worked a lot but he always made it home for dinner. But then about a year into sibling's treatment, he started working late or going to golf club a night a week. Then over time it was 2 nights and for the past few years it's been half the week. It was always sort of clear that sibling's illness didn't exactly bring our parents together. My mum got totally into that and tbh she wasn't always very present for me emotionally but sibling was so unwell that I just kind of got it. She's been great ever since. I asked my mum a few years ago if she and dad were happy and she said that marriage is more than just romance and rainbows and that they had a life together. Which didn't really answer my question or maybe it did. About a year ago I finally twigged that my dad was having an affair and it had been going on for a while. Basically I found a document that indicated that he rents a flat on the other side of town. There was just this moment when I realised and my mum saw it kind of sink in and she just shook her head and I didn't say anything. Two days ago I found out who his mistress was. It's a girl who was in my class at school. "Izzie" actually used to go out with my best friend from ages 14-16. My friend was distraught when she broke up with him. It seems like she did this because she had met my dad. He rented a flat and they've been having an affair for 5 years. I confronted my dad and he just told me that it was none of my business, that his relationship with my mother had 'evolved' when sibling got sick and that his sexual needs had 'upgraded' and that Izzie can meet them in a way that my mother cannot. WTF??????! He said and my mother confirmed that he told my mum that he was planning to have an affair with Izzie before it started and that "ground rules" were set so that Izzie couldn't come to our house and that he would still be home x number of nights a week and that no more than £x would be spent on Izzie. My mother gave her permission and that's been the situation ever since. My mother just said she didn't want to discuss it and that relationships change over time. My dad said that he would go and stay in his flat for the rest of the week while I cooled off but that he would come back on Monday and that we wouldn't be talking about it again. I've been living at home during the pandemic as my university has been shut and I haven't exactly got anywhere else to go. Plus my mum doesn't want me to go. And sibling is still in school and doesn't know anything about this. I'm physically kind of nauseous about this whole thing and I don't want anyone to know. My dad is just a total creep. I hadn't spoken to Izzie in a long time but I remember her as really quiet and very clever. She is also very beautiful. Her parents had a very messy divorce during the last couple of years at school and I remember her being very upset about it. I can't believe that she's put in 5 years of her life into this. My friend really loved her - he spent a good 2 years trying to win her back. I don't know what to do. I need a roof over my head but I don't want to look at my dad's smug face again. I hate how my mother can't meet my eye. I feel like sibling knows something's up and I don't want to lie. It's like the house I thought was made of bricks was just made out of straw but I don't know if I have spine to blow the whole thing down. Would we be better off?? Internet people - fresh perspective appreciated! [**UPDATE (removed but recovered via automod comment)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/msrwgc/update_my_dad_is_having_an_affair_with_someone_my/) (posted april 17, 2021) Hi. Thank you for all of the advice and for the general wave of horror at what my dad has been doing. Here's the link to the original post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/mndtvq/my\_dad\_is\_having\_an\_affair\_with\_someone\_who\_is\_my/](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/mndtvq/my_dad_is_having_an_affair_with_someone_who_is_my/) To the people who said that my dad is a cool dude is who 'killing it' and that I was jealous ... I suggest seeking therapy for your tortured self-esteem issues. To the people who said that it was an open marriage /a fetish for my mother too ... nah. I get that polygamy may be a good thing for some people but I think that's often about one person being selfish at the expense of the feelings of their partner. It has become very clear that this has been what is happening here. In the end, sibling found out what was happening. I told her that I posted and she said thank you for protecting her privacy but she was fine with people knowing her age/gender. So yeah. She's a girl and she's a teenager. I realise that my instinct is to protect her from back when she was ill but she's actually one of the strongest and resilient people that I know and she doesn't really need it. When dad came home, sibling and I confronted him again. He was a bit freaked out that sibling now knew too. He explained it all again. He met Izzie and became 'transfixed' by her (barf) and so he told her that he would like to start a relationship. He said that he started by meeting Izzie for coffee to work out ground rules with her and that he also worked out ground rules with my mother but when sibling pushed he admitted that he had told my mother that he would want a divorce if she stood in the way. It really does sound like the freaking weirdest adultery that I have ever heard of. Not that I have actually ever met anyone else who cheated. During the time that he and Izzie were 'talking', Dad found a flat and furnished it for their meetings. Given that over time dad has been increasingly absent, sibling pushed again for an explanation and he said it started off 1 evening a week after which he dropped Izzie back at her parents but over time, they started staying over together for special occasions and then every week until where we are now where he's been here half the week and the other half with her. He also said that the flat they use now is not the same one they started out with because it's now one that Izzie lives in full-time while the one they had for the first few years was just a bedsit. He finally admitted that he has consistently gone over the budget that he agreed to my mother that he would be spending on his 'affair'. Sibling told him that she wasn't happy staying under his roof any more and packed up to go stay with her boyfriend. She told our mum that she loves her and will be back when dad is gone. My mother kind of freaked out and asked her not to go but sibling just said again that she wants nothing to do with our father and she took her case and walked out the door. I ended up confessing all to the girl I've been seeing for a few weeks and I fled there too. I was really hesitant as my situation is extremely 'new' and I hadn't wanted to give her the impression that I'm some gross guy like my dad. She turned out to be very understanding but I've promised that this is a very short term fix. A friend of the girl I'm seeing apparently has a room coming free in his house share and I'm about 95% sure I'll be moving there at the start of May. Affording it may be tricky but I will make it work. Back at the homestead, sibling has also been in touch with our maternal uncle who I think is stepping in to lay down the law to my mum that she needs to kick start a divorce because this situation is utterly unacceptable. If we were in America, dad would have liable for criminal charges. I worried about burning down the house but the house was already very much on fire. My parents will be separating even if people who love my mother have to step in directly. Someone commented about boiling frog syndrome and I think my mother is very much a little boiled frog but I am very hopeful that we can extricate her from this situation to a more positive way of being. And ... ultimately I drafted a text message to Izzie as I think I have her number stored on my phone. Thoughts on whether it would be wise to send would be appreciated: Hi Izzie, \[my name\] here. My dad's probably told you that the family are now all aware about your involvement with him. I just want to make clear that we bear no ill will towards you personally and that we wish you a brighter tomorrow. My dad's selfishness should not dictate your destiny and I hope you find your way to a future that does not include him \[TL,DR\] We are reverse-parent-trapping our parents and getting our mother the heck out of this situation. [**FINAL UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwRAdadsucks/comments/mu98hs/thank_you_and_farewell/) (posted april 20, 2021) Hi to everyone who had constructive advice Just want to say cheers to all who got in touch with helpful things to say. Much appreciated. It's been a weird couple of weeks. My sibling is now planning to move back in with mum (sister will also be bringing her bf with her - so strange, I was literally banned from going on holiday with my then gf at that age but I think she's just being the youngest child who sets her own rules and that's fine. Anyway this is all happening as our father has now left for good. I think I'm staying moved out as I think at 21 I just don't want to be living in my childhood bedroom. But I will be visiting home fairly frequently. My girlfriend has now met mother and sister and although that felt quite out of the blue, it was nice and felt like we (mum, sibling and myself) are going to come through as a family after all of this. No idea what's going on with Izzie but going to keep message in draft for another couple of weeks til the dust settles but then probably send it. I just want to explain that I'm not going to post or update after this because reddit is *weird*. Like *really fucking strange*. So many comments telling me to contact Izzie's parents no matter how many times I said they were a train wreck. So so so many messages telling me that I'm a virgin who's jealous of my dad including a few that were weirdly threatening. So bizarre having strangers screech down the internet at me for 'not minding my own business' when my mother has been subject to coercive control for years. My mother broke down in tears about how trapped my father had left her feeling and that she didn't know how to get out. My uncle told me privately that he has got some serious Sally Challen vibes here and we are just grateful to have caught on to what was happening before my father pushed my mother too far. So apologies to the sane 95% who have been wonderful, including those who expressed concern that we were 'taking over' and 'making decisions' for my mother, because that is a valid opinion and one we do need to consider - you are all wonderful and compassionate humans. But I'm not scared of the remaining 5% sitting there with their shrivelled dicks in hand whacking off to the idea of a man in his late 40s screwing a vulnerable barely 16 year old. Really makes me as a bloke realise the insidiousness of the patriarchy and how it salivates over situations where women have been oppressed. Anyway, I'm off. All best to most of you, but to those who get their kicks via coercion ... get help. Right. Beer time. \----

OOP learns that his father is having an affair with someone his age

CONCLUDED

the-co1ossus

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16k8gdo/oop_learns_that_his_father_is_having_an_affair/

16kq0qh

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/ThrowRASpeechie **Originally posted to** r/twohottakes **Thanks to** u/Direct-Caterpillar77 **for suggesting this to BoRU** **AITA for wanting to leave my boyfriend of 6 years, knowing he may be proposing soon?** Trigger Warnings: >!gaslighting and manipulation!< Mood Spoilers: >!Positive for OOP!< &nbsp;  [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/12reioh/aita_for_wanting_to_leave_my_boyfriend_of_6_years/) \- **April 18, 2023** I (23 female) have been dating my boyfriend (25 male) for almost 6 years. This one’s kind of a doozy, so I apologize haha. My boyfriend and I started dating my freshman year of college in 2017. Everything was going really well, and everything just fell into place. It just felt right … untiiiil the pandemic hit in 2020, and we all got sent home to finish college virtually during my senior year. We have been in a long distance relationship since, because I then began attending graduate school for speech therapy. To save money, I lived with my parents, and he lived with his, who live 3 hours away from me. When the long distance began, my only ask of him was that we be married when I graduate in August 2023. In our families, it is super important that we are married before living together (you already know, purity culture shit 🙃). He saw this as reasonable and claimed it was something he really wanted. Then we could get married and get a place together once I’m done with school. Here is the dilemma. He still hasn’t proposed yet, like we had agreed. He expressed that he was planning on talking to my parents to get their blessing before planning the proposal. He initiated a conversation with my parents about next steps in November 2022, and hasn’t said anything up until last week (he’s been at my house 3 times and never sought after opportunities to say something). He’s putting it off and there’s only one reason why he would. It would be one thing if he had expressed that he wasn’t ready for marriage, whether that be not being emotionally ready or financially ready. But he’s been talking a lot about engagement for the last two years, getting my hopes up, and then nothing happens. One important thing to note is that he is an only child, with a mom who has a meltdown when the idea of marriage/moving out is even mentioned. She’s been an issue throughout our entire relationship, because she is constantly trying to create division between us, whether that is talking shit about him to me, or vice versa. He has now begun expressing fears of leaving his parents when he is the only one there to take care of them, and he is afraid of what they’ll think of him if he leaves for a career opportunity, or for me who is seeking career opportunities in speech therapy in various locations. Onto his conversation with my parents, which is the biggest concern I am having. First, he told my parents he was planning on proposing this summer. He then expressed that he was afraid of commitment and sacrifice. My dad asked him what he meant, to which he responded “well I like my ‘me time’ and my space to play video games and watch sporting events, which my parents give me. I’m scared to give that up for a wife or to help with kids”. This kind of broke me, because he would have NEVER said anything like this before moving back home with his parents. He’s extremely comfortable with his life and doesn’t want to change it. But I want to change mine. I want to move out and get an amazing speech therapy career opportunity when August rolls around. I want to get married and have kids. This was something I had wanted to do with him, but with his unsupportive parents and some of the concerns he’s expressing to everyone but me, I’m really scared to proceed with him, and include him in things such as apartment or job hunting. Things haven’t been the same as they were before we started long distance for a long time. I’ve been trying to remain optimistic through all of this, in case things do go back to the way they were once we got a place together. But that optimism is fading. I thought I could have the best of both worlds (the career and the guy), but I’m stuck at a crossroads instead and am incredibly stressed and heartbroken. This is supposed to be an exciting time, but is just dreadful because of all of this. Any thoughts? Please be brutally honest, especially if I could have proceeded differently with this. **EDIT** The main issue isn’t that he hasn’t proposed, if he had concerns about a marriage or wasn’t ready he needs to tell me. But he either hasn’t told me or whenever I have asked he brushes it off and says he wants to marry me. My main issue is his consistency. He says one thing but doesn’t demonstrate it through actions. I’ve had conversations with him about this and he just says he’ll try to do better. As far as the videogames/sports go I really try not to be nit picky or controlling about what he does in his spare time or how much of it he does. I’ve been gaslit and hurt in previous relationships for “being too controlling” so I try to be extra conscientious of that. I’m supportive of him hanging out with the boys, and try to get to know them as well. Although these things aren’t my go-tos, I try to watch sporting events with him and play videogames with him to try to understand the hype. &nbsp; [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/16c17vf/update_aita_for_wanting_to_leave_my_boyfriend_of/) \- **September 6, 2023 (Almost five months later)** **UPDATE** Holy shit y’all … it took me 4 months but I did it. I ended it. This update is ALSO a doozy, so bear with me. Over the last 4 months, all our relationship has been is just talks of either marriage/engagement or taking me out on, when he never actually does the things he says he’ll do. Lots of gaslighting. Manipulation. The works. Whenever I wanted to have a conversation about serious stuff (e.g. where to live, finances, kids, etc), he brushed it off like it was nothing. This was how I knew he was not planning for the future. Apparently his parents know more about his financial situation than I do (which ugh don’t get me started 🙄). I approached them about it and they showed me how many loans he has. It was ASTRONOMICAL … and he hadn’t paid a dime since he graduated from college 4 years ago. And he had zero expenses. Nothing. This made me upset because not only did I have expenses, but I was working insane hours to pay for school and for my expenses. And he didn’t make any attempts to have a stable, consistent job over the summer. At that point, I was done. It took a lot of courage to leave, especially considering the problems with his mom (I thought she’d bite my head off for dumping her baby lmao). But I finally did it this past weekend. Damn did I dodge a bullet. The whole conversation was very “gas-lighty” and manipulative. I felt like I was witnessing a toddler throwing a tantrum. He was crying, pacing, throwing stuff I bought him, etc. He accused me of cheating when I told him the long distance was affecting my feelings for him. He tried to bribe me with stuff to stay with him (like a Nintendo switch … bruh). He guilted me for all the dates he took me on over the summer and in college YEARS ago (keep in mind I was paying for undergrad and graduate school out of pocket and had no money 🥴). He accused me of never wanting him to be happy. The worst part … when I told his mom we broke up, it was essentially a “don’t let the door hit you on the way out” kind of conversation. She basically said “sorry y’all broke up, have a good life, sayonara Sammy, etc). To be honest, I was hoping she’d yell at me or “bite my head off”, just so I could see her stick up for him a little bit. Just to show me she truly cares about his well being and not just her own for whenever he decided to leave her. I’m sad and extremely anxious, because I left something that was comfortable, and don’t know what the future brings. I hated hurting him, but he has inflicted a lot pain and doubts into my mind. A lot of you said in the comments that I’m young, and that it will be okay. And you’re right. But being a girl in your 20’s is so hard, especially with finding/maintaining friendships and relationships. It’ll be fine though. Thank you for the advice and support, and thank you for taking the time to read all of my word vomit. The Reddit community is truly amazing &nbsp;  **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITA for wanting to leave my boyfriend of 6 years, knowing he may be proposing soon?

CONCLUDED

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16kq0qh/aita_for_wanting_to_leave_my_boyfriend_of_6_years/

16kqwsq

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Equivalent\_Ladder197](https://www.reddit.com/user/Equivalent_Ladder197/). He posted in r/offmychest I added paragraphs for readability, and fixed the spelling of fiancée. **Mood Spoiler:** >!bizarre but so far a happy ending...!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/16d2bps/my_brother_proposed_to_my_fianc%C3%A9_his_ex_and_im/)**: September 8, 2023** My (28M) brother, Mark (26M), used to date my fiancée, Jenn (26F) a year ago. For context, they dated back in August 2022. They were only together for a month before he broke things off with her because he was bored of being in a relationship and never really wanted to settle down anyway. At the time they were dating I was in a different state so I had no idea he even had a girlfriend and I had no idea who Jenn was until I met her. Jenn and I met at a bar when I moved back in October and hit it off really well. She was easily the most beautiful and intelligent woman I ever met and we met up a few times more before we made it official. Fast forward to December and I finally bring her up to my family and propose them meeting her at Christmas. They knew I was in a relationship but I’m not the most open about my personal life so I kept details about her to a minimum until I knew how serious we really were. My parents asked to see pictures and they started passing my phone around the dinner table. Mark saw it and blew up calling me a shit brother for dating his ex girlfriend and he demanded I break it off with her. I refused. When I asked Jenn about it, she confirmed they dated and gave me the details about their breakup. It took a few weeks but eventually Mark stopped bringing up me dating his ex and I thought he was over it. On Jenn’s birthday this year, I took her out to a fancy dinner with both of our families and her closest friends and I asked her to marry me. Mark flipped once again and blew up about me proposing to her, which I and my sisters immediately shut down. The incident happened this past weekend. Mark had been pretty quiet about the whole thing for the last two months. I didn’t see him much and figured he went Low contact with me which I had no problem with, then he invited me and Jenn for family dinner at his apartment with my parents and sisters. I thought it was weird but my parents and sisters were also going so we agreed to go. The dinner was nice, nothing too fancy, and we moved to the living room to talk. About 30 minutes into normal conversation Mark stood up and told us he had an announcement. He made a long speech about being happy to have his family around for his big moment then got on one knee and pulled out this cheap ring while asking Jenn to marry him. Jenn was confused and obviously uncomfortable and demanded that he put it away and stand up. My dad tried to make a grab for Mark but I got to him first and punched him. I won’t repeat most of it, mostly because I was too angry to even listen most of it, but he said something along the lines of wanting to show me that Jenn wasn’t really into me and just wanted to get back at him. Before it could get worse my parents rushed me out and promised to talk to him. It’s been a few days since it happened and I’m still pissed off. I don’t know what to do at this point. I’m scared Jenn might have second thoughts marrying me because of this. Any advice? **EDIT: (Same Post, later that day)** First, thanks for reading and responding. I’ve been reading the comments between last night and this morning and valid points were made. There isn’t an update since the only people I’ve spoken to since that dinner is jenn and my little sister. I want to clarify a few things that i saw in the comments 1. Jenn and I are newly engaged. It was one of those feelings where we both knew we were in it for the long run. As fast as it is, i’m sure about her. 2. When we met, I was the one who approached her, not the other way around. Whether she knew or had suspicions of us being related I don’t know. I asked after finding out they dated and she says she had no idea. I didn’t have a reason to doubt that, but I can admit this (seemingly) overreaction on Marks part does raise red flags 3. I had no idea she and Mark dated when I met her. Mark and I aren’t close at all. We used to be but as we grew up we drifted and talked less and less. Before I moved back, we didn’t really speak much aside from special days like his or my birthday. Jenn knew of my family but not much until I decided I was ready to introduce them to her. When she and Mark met (again) I didn’t get a sense of any residual feelings on either part. She didn’t treat him like a stranger but she also wasn’t overly affectionate with him either 4. I was told this was a relationship that lasted a month. I didn’t think I needed permission from Mark to ask her to marry me, but maybe that was wrong of me. I’m not sure That being said, I plan to talk to Mark this weekend to lay everything out on the table and figure out what’s up. I never asked for his side of their relationship, which is my fault for not doing my due diligence. If anything major or enlightening happens, I’ll update. But for now that’s all I have. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Don't give in to the "but he's faaaaamily" comments:* "Thankfully I haven’t heard the “he’s family” shit much aside from my mom and a few aunts. they know me well enough to know our relationship isn’t enough for me to put up with his disrespect especially towards my fiancée. They’d be wasting their breath" *On fiancée:* "Yeah I don’t think I have to worry about her going back. Safe to say she can’t stand him either lol" **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/16fjl48/update_my_brother_proposed_to_my_fianc%C3%A9_his_ex/)**: September 10, 2023 (2 days later)** First I want to thank everyone for reading. It’s been a busy weekend so I haven’t had the chance to reply to many people, but I did edit in responses to the most common questions I saw in the comments of the original post. Again, thank you. I appreciate it all, even the criticisms. Now for the update: I called Mark and asked him to meet up with me at my place to talk. I told him I would prefer Jenn to be around for the talk as well, but I was cool with it if he didn’t want her there. He agreed to talk to both of us and showed up at my place around noon today. It was pretty quiet for a few minutes before I started the conversation. I apologized for not warning him I would be proposing to Jenn, and I apologized for hitting him. He said it was “whatever” but he appreciated the apology. I told him what Jenn had said about the relationship and breakup when I asked her about it and I asked him to confirm if it was true. I pretty much said that his reaction throughout the is whole thing has been extreme and I wanted to make sure I wasn’t misunderstanding their relationship or downplaying how serious they were. He confirmed that they only dated for “a few weeks” and he broke up with her because he lost interest. Jenn asked if he was acting like this because he still had feelings or regrets about ending things with her. He said he could admit he thought she was more attractive than when he last saw her, but there weren’t any feelings or regrets. He said he just didn’t like seeing a girl he dated, even if it was short term, with his older brother and as a man I shouldn’t have violated him by pursuing things with his ex. I reminded him that I had no idea they dated so it wasn’t like I consciously did this knowing their history together. He shrugged me off and said it didn’t matter, I still should have broken it off. He was adamant that if the roles were reversed he would have done the same thing which I doubt. I asked him why he proposed to her if he didn’t have any lingering feelings. Basically, to sum it up, he was talking about it to one of his buddies who was around when Mark and Jenn dated and the guy put the idea in his head that maybe Jenn knew from the start that we were related and was doing this to get back at him considering Jenn had been hung up on him after they ended. He and his friend thought it would be a good idea to test it and see if they were right, so he came up with the idea to propose and see if she dumped me for him. Jenn asked him to elaborate on why he thought she was hung up on him and he told her that he heard she was asking about him following the breakup and still hanging out at the places they used to go to so it was a valid assumption. Then for her to pop up randomly with his brother affirmed his suspicions. Jenn told him she’d only asked about him once following the breakup and she’d been hanging out at those places with friends before they started dating and she wouldn’t avoid them because of a breakup. She also told him she was offended at the idea that she would go as low as to pursue me, just to get back at him. He shrugged and gave her a half assed apology but said she had to see it from his point of view. He asked her if she really didn’t know and she told him that she didn’t see the resemblance in us until we were in the same room and we act nothing alike so it never crossed her mind and he said okay. That pretty much wrapped up the conversation. He did tell me before he left that I could take back his invite to the wedding because he can’t bring himself to support our relationship knowing he used to date her. I told him he didn’t have to worry about that as he was most likely going to be uninvited anyway. It’s been a few hours since our talk and I do feel better. My parents aren’t too happy about him being uninvited but they understood that it was a mutual decision and probably for the best. My sisters told me they knew he didn’t have a good reason for being an asshole and they don’t blame me for not wanting him at the wedding. As of now, I’m going to limit contact with Mark and I doubt he’ll reach out to me any time soon either. Once again, I want to thank everyone for reading and commenting and if anything significant happens, I’ll update again. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Why didn't she know of your family?* "We hadn’t discussed my family much in the beginning of our relationship. I left home to get away from them (my parents specifically) and started reconciling at my sisters request when i decided to move back home. I was open about not being close with them when Jenn asked and she was okay with being left in the dark considering the circumstances."

My brother proposed to my fiancée (his ex) and I’m pissed

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16kqwsq/my_brother_proposed_to_my_fiancée_his_ex_and_im/

16kqx2j

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Amazing-Mention9502](https://www.reddit.com/user/Amazing-Mention9502/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Mood Spoiler:** >!sad!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16egawg/aita_my_dad_got_a_tattoo_in_the_style_of_our/)**: September 9, 2023** my father (41m) and my mother (40f) divorced three years ago. i live with my mother. my father remarried a year ago. his wife has two children (18f) (15m). me (18f) and my dad got a matching tattoo two years ago. it was a simple outline tattoo of a photo of us. after my dad got married, things started to get a bit more distant between us because he started to spend more time with his new family. besides that, i think he doesn't want to see me around them. i don't know why, after all, i've never treated his wife or stepchildren bad. yesterday he refused to meet me on a weekend when we were supposed to spend time together saying he was unavailable and he reposted a story of him hanging out with his new family that. while looking at the photo i saw that he got a new tattoo on his arm. it was an outline tattoo of a photo of him with his new family, just like the tattoo he got with me. now i know that millions of people have these tattoos and it's not my original design. still i'm disappointed that he got a tattoo with his new family in the same style as ours because i always thought that tattoo was special between us. now i'm thinking of getting it covered or removed. i called my dad in the evening and asked him why he was hanging out with his family instead of meeting me. he said they planned it earlier which doesn't make sense because it was agreed in court after the divorce that I could spend time with my dad every weekend. so "we planned it earlier" is a pretty bullshit excuse. he also knows that i'm totally okay with spending time with his family. when i told him that he said "it's not that simple." i guess i'm too dumb to understand "complicated" things because he doesn't even try to explain it lol. then i asked him why he got his new tattoo in the same style as ours. he said he didn't think it would be a problem for me. i told him "you broke something special between us, how can you not realize that? i think i'm going to get my tattoo covered. you can do the same." in result he thinks i'm overreacting and i shouldn't be so selfish. my mom says what my dad did wasn't such a bad thing. she thinks we should sit down and talk, i'm not sure. AITA? edit: tomorrow i will try to talk to my dad face to face. i hope to discuss openly about whatever the issues are between us and find a way out. i don't think my mind will change about the tattoo, but i will not rush to get it covered. thank you for your advice. if things go well i will also try to write an update. ***Relevant Comments:*** *How did you get a tattoo at 16 and isn't the mandatory visit court order not in place anymore?* "not all tattoo artists are very law-abiding. i turned 18 five months ago and of course the court order is no longer in force. this was our routine for three years, we didn't break it as soon as i became an adult like "ok bye". i just assumed that we hung out together on the weekends unless i was told otherwise." *More on how OOP feels/what they did in the past:* "i never pushed him to meet every weekend for three years. when one of us had a reason, we didn't meet anyway or met another day. still, if he's bored with this routine, i think he needs to tell me straight. because it's heartbreaking when he just says he's busy and hangs out with his family and then just tells me "it's not that simple". and no, he didn't take much action to make up for the less attention he gave me after the marriage. there is no problem between him and my mom right now, they don't talk unless it's necessary. so i don't think he is moving away because of mom. it's also the saddest thing for me that he's enjoying life to the fullest now that i'm of legal age. maybe i'm speaking emotionally but it means that i'm a kind of prison for him. i don't want to think that he's been spending time with me because he "has to". i will talk to him, if he wants to move on to a new chapter of his life and give me less scene there he must say it clearly. thank you so much" *Have there been issues with the other 18 year old now in your dad's family? How about your new step-mom?* "we haven't really spent enough time together to have an issue. his wife is generally kind to me, but i don't know if she thinks bad about me" **Update (Same Post): September 10, 2023 (Next Day)** this morning we had breakfast together and had a long talk. it turned out that the problem all this time was my stepsister. he told me that she was struggling with the whole marriage. the reason he got the tattoo was to show her that he loves her as much as he loves me. he also said that she didn't feel at ease around me, which i was really surprised about. we hadn't fought once, and we hadn't even been together long enough to have any disagreements. that's why he didn't invite me that day. he wanted to be a good father figure in her life. still, he said that i might get closer to my stepsiter in time, who knows when he also said i can get my tattoo covered if i want, but he would never do that to his. for him, the tat still has the same special meaning. honestly, it would really make me feel like an ah to get mine covered while he keeps his, i'm not sure what to do lastly, the hardest thing for me was finding out that they were moving to another state. his wife got a better paying job and he's going to start a business with a friend there. he told me that he will be very busy with all the moving, but will spend as much time with me as possible until he moves. he also promised to visit me often after the move, which i don't think he'll be able to keep i guess he's really moving into a part of his life where i'm not in it, and there's not much i can do about it. thank you all

AITA? my dad got a tattoo in the style of our matching tattoo with his new family and now i want to get mine covered.

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16kqx2j/aita_my_dad_got_a_tattoo_in_the_style_of_our/

16kqx8a

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/superricecnt](https://www.reddit.com/user/superricecnt/). She posted in r/amiwrong and r/AITAH **Trigger Warning:** >!bullying!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!seems to be a happy ending!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/16ec0ai/am_i_wrong_for_dumping_a_kids_lunch_in_the_trash/)**: September 9, 2023** So my (25F) sister bought my daughter (6F) a bento box that cost 50 dollars. Before anybody get on here and trying to shit on why a 6 year old needs a 50 dollar lunch box, it’s not your money so it doesn’t matter. Thursday after school my daughter came home and while unpacking her backpack like I usually do I I noticed that her bento box was not in there. When I asked her where it was she stated that a girl in her class named Audrey (fake name) had taken it and refused to give it back. I asked if she went to her teacher and she said yes but her teacher told her that it’s just a lunchbox and it shouldn’t matter. Now Audreys name isn’t new to my household, she and other girls always picked on my daughter and no matter how many times I went to the school about it nothing was done. To say I was pissed was the least, the next day I went to the school 30 minutes before lunch time and requested a meeting with the teacher and the principle. They brought my daughter down and I explained the situation and they had someone get Audrey. Audrey brought the lunchbox to “prove” that it was hers but I asked them to open the lunch box because my daughters name was inside and long behold when she opened it there was my daughters name as clear as day. When I requested she give it back to my daughter she begin crying. The teacher asked if it would be okay if Audrey kept it for the day since her food was already in there and I said hell no and they had 5 minutes to find something else to put her food in or I would be dumping it out. Instead of finding her a closed container they begin arguing with me so I stood up and grabbed the bento box and in front of all them I threw the food out into the trash can. Grabbing my daughter’s hand I walked out the office with the bento box leaving them to comfort the crying girl. Hours later I told my sister what happened and she said that even though I had the right to be mad I could’ve just let her have it and she would’ve bought my daughter another bento box. I feel like it’s the principle though, why should we have to buy something again for my daughter that she already had because some entitled kid wanted what’s hers ? Am I wrong ? EDIT: I’m seeing I should’ve just taken the food out the box and I’m realizing that none of y’all know what a bento box is and I’m unsure on how to add a picture of it so please just go google it. You put actual food in there, not packaged that’s the best way I can explain it. For example if my daughter wanted soup I would put soup in there and it would stay warm all day. EDIT2: this is more of an explanation because I can’t answer all of you guys questions 1. Audrey did NOT starve, I did not leave her without a lunch. The school offers free lunches. 2. She can afford her own damn bento box. We live in dfw in a fairly high class neighborhood, that’s all I’m going to say. She took my daughter bento because she’s a bully 3. I’ve went so the school board and principle plenty of times where they would say it was being handled when in fact nothing was being handled. 4. I don’t care if I have to act childish. For my kid I would do anything, a lot of y’all are not parents and it shows. 5. My daughter will be switching schools at the end of the semester ***Relevant Comments (from both the AITAH and AIW posts, which were the same)*** *Wtf, the mom sent Audrey lunch in a lunchbox she KNEW wasn't hers?* "Her mom doesn’t and didn’t care. I went to her multiple times over the bullying and was told kids will be kids." "When I got the box home and examined it you can tell that someone had tried to wash away the sticker of my daughters name off. That’s why I’m “assuming” that the parents knew unless the little girl did it which I doubt." *What OOP has done regarding the bullying:* "I’ve done everything I can for the bullying. I even went to the girls parents and school board and it was “ kids will be kids”. Unfortunately because of where our house is there’s only 2 other elementary schools in our district and the other school has a waiting list which we are on. She won’t be able to transfer until next semester. One thing I’m going to do is protect my daughter as for Audrey she’s been steering clear of my daughter." *For those of you who wonder about what kind of bento box you should get:* "Planetbox!! But if you want cheaper I personally use the one from Amazon “ bento box adult lunch box” it’s the stackable one" "Depends on how much you eat tbh! My daughter has the one with 3 compartments and my husband has the one with 5 plus the insulated food container." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/16ff1u4/update_am_i_wrong_for_dumping_a_kids_lunch_in_the/)**: September 10, 2023 (Next Day)** This is the last update and I’m done addressing the comments. A lot of y’all are saying that I should’ve just let Audrey have the bento box since my sister offered to buy another one and I just don’t agree at all. You want me to reward a child who had made it a habit to verbally and physically attack my child by letting her have something that belongs to my daughter and that’s not okay with me. “She’s just a kid your problem is with the school not her”. No, my problem is with the school, teacher, her parents and her. Y’all want me to enable this little girl so bad and I’m not. Y’all think just because she’s a kid she doesn’t know what she’s doing and that’s crazy to me. “Why didn’t you just dump the food on the desk” what would have been the difference? If I dumped the food on the desk she still would not have been able to eat it because the desk is just as dirty. “You should call cps” that’s not my job, that’s the schools job and they obviously won’t be doing that because they are a bunch of kiss asses. I really appreciate you guys comments and reaching out privately about homeschooling but that is not anyone’s decision but mine and my husband. For those calling me entitled, how ? How am I entitled for wanting back what was bought for my kid ? I feel like a lot of y’all are trolling by saying that. The last update got deleted I think so here it is again. My daughter has not had problems with Audrey since. I’ve attempted to speak with her mother to settle things but she is as insufferable as it gets. The principal did offer me a very sincere apology and my daughter homeroom class was switched so she has a new teacher that she loves. Everything happened last week but I decided to post yesterday because of my sister. If I do offer another update it will be sometime next year since she will be switching to homeschool. Thank you to everyone who offered me great advice and for those who did not agree but offer me an alternative thank you as well. Also please stop saying my sister doesn’t care for her niece. She adores my daughter and they are closer than anything. My sister just has a super soft spot for kids. For the person who called my daughter a bitch and cunt you can bend down and suck the shit out of the nastiest ass walking the streets near you. ***Relevant Comment:*** *Many people question the homeschooling option, saying she won't have any socialization:* "The school she will be going to next semester is over a computer and she’s actually enrolled in multiple activities that are outside of school. This is also something me and her father have spoken to her about and it’s something she wants to try. I also work from home and I’m off camera 90% of the time so it really won’t be affecting me. I do appreciate and understand where the worry is coming from though! I wish I could pin this comment because I’ve been getting this question a lot and I was trying to avoid answering it because no matter what I say people will still judge lol."

Am I wrong for dumping a kids lunch in the trash can ?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16kqx8a/am_i_wrong_for_dumping_a_kids_lunch_in_the_trash/

16kqx8z

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/itsybitsyteenyweeny **My (30F) boyfriend (34M) just revealed to me that he has pancreatic cancer, three weeks after he learned it himself** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Emotional manipulation, fake cancer scare!< **Thanks to PitaEnigma for bringing this to the discord BoRU** [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/2sVd073RyB)  **Sept 8, 2023** There's so much more to the story than I can convey in the title. We've dated for 2.5 years. Two nights ago, I got home from work and we started catching up on each others' days, as usual. We chatted for a couple of hours. We had a couple of glasses of wine each. Suddenly, he started bawling, and confessed to me that he'd learned that he had pancreatic cancer three weeks ago. I was shocked. I asked him what happened. He told me that he went for a walk to pick up some mail and got jumped by three people he used to be friends with. He got punched in the side. It hurt a little too much. He got an appointment with someone who could give him an MRI the next day. (Apparently a friend's mom is a tech at an MRI clinic in town and could fit him in.) He got the results the day after that, over email. He'd had a tumor on his pancreas. It had burst. The email confirmed that he had pancreatic cancer. He refuses to show me the email. He says that he deleted it. That he wants to ignore the cancer -- pretend it doesn't exist. He doesn't want to talk about it. He doesn't want me to tell anyone. He doesn't want to get it treated. And I'm lost. I don't know what to do next. I don't know how to help him. I don't even know whether he's telling me the truth. I've held onto this knowledge for two days... and I can't even tell anyone I know. I promised him I wouldn't. I kind of regret that promise now. I haven't noticed any symptoms over the last three weeks because we work different shifts. Since he's told me, whenever he hasn't been at work, he's been in bed. I don't know whether that's a symptom of the cancer, or of the tumor bursting, or of being punched. Can someone help me? **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Disastrous-Oven-4465** >Fishy: - MRI the very next day? Hmm - No referral or order needed? - No X-ray/ CT Scan first? - Emailed the results? - deleted the email?! - tumor burst but no surgery? - no biopsy to confirm it’s malignant - no stage of cancer given? >Has he lost weight? Is it possible he just believes this to be true but has not been to a doctor? **OOP replied** >>He hasn't lost weight, that I've seen. "Tumor burst", but no symptoms of that (not that I'm a doctor, much less understand the effects thereof, mind). MRI, but nothing after -- or before. I feel like he's not telling the truth... but I don't know whether he's lying, either. He was drinking, before he told me... but he also confirmed it the day after -- yesterday -- while sober. I don't know what to believe. * **dearabby1** >None of this is plausible. Your boyfriend is not telling the truth. I’ve worked in healthcare for 30 years and had a family member die from pancreatic cancer. You don’t get an MRI and then an email the next day! That’s NOT how cancer is diagnosed and the news is also delivered face to face. I don’t know why your boyfriend is lying, but 100% based on what you posted here, he is. You need to press him on why he’s made up this story and don’t let him off the hook until he’s told you the truth. It’s alarming that he could create such an obvious lie and deliver the news to you in this way. Swearing you to secrecy is a common control technique for these big lies, because of course his parents are going to ask probing questions and want to meet with the oncologist. **OOP replied** >I've had a sneaking suspicion that this is a lie since he told it to me. But because he doesn't want to speak about it further and doesn't want me to tell anyone else, I feel stuck. All I can do now is leave, I guess. [Update](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/KQ4JuqbIeI)  **Sept 10, 2023** Some people asked for an update during the original post, so here we are. We had a quick conversation today. He admitted that he doesn't have pancreatic cancer, after all. The only reason he told me that he did was because he'd been drinking before I got home, and the two glasses of wine we had together after my night at work pushed him over the edge firmly into drunk territory and made him anxious about the pain he'd been feeling. But apparently he did get roughed up by some old friends, did start feeling pain after that, did sneak in to get an MRI, somehow, and is expecting a phone call from a doctor to tell him about the results thereof. There is no email. He made that up while drunk. And he has chest pain and fatigue. So he's got symptoms of something, just not pancreatic cancer. He pulled that out of his ass because, while googling chest pain before I got home, he learned that the pancreas is roughly around the chest area, and so assumed that his pain was due to a tumor popping, for some reason. So he just told me that it was true because he was drunk, as though that absolves him of the responsibility of lying to me. FWIW, I did notice that he'd been drinking before we chatted that night, but I had no clue that he was drunk enough to lie about cancer. So, I've been holding onto the fear that he has pancreatic cancer for three days now and he couldn't be assed to text me an apology or correct his drunken reveal that he's got cancer. He didn't apologize for saying that to me today while we were discussing it, either. So, I'll be moving out tomorrow and looking for places to live over the next few days, though it'll be shitty with the prices of rentals where I am. I'm very done with this relationship, now. I'm honestly beyond caring whether or not he's lying about the whole damn thing. I'll get an STI test as soon as I can and leave him to his misery, I guess. Thank you for everyone who commented and helped me see how ridiculous the whole situation was. I'll be out of here by tomorrow night. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **hambakedbean** >"Okay okay, it's not pancreatic cancer. It's something else... that I also can't prove to you in any way, shape or form **OOP replied** >>Yeah, that's how it feels to me. I didn't offer to go to the doctor's appointment with him because I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be breaking up with him officially tomorrow and getting the fuck outta here. Lying about cancer is so beyond the pale, even if he was drunk and getting ahead of himself, that I'm not even gonna bother seeing if he's telling the truth this time. He can figure it out on his own with his parents' help. I just hope he doesn't rope another woman into his bullshit. Though I know he will at some point. * **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My (30F) boyfriend (34M) just revealed to me that he has pancreatic cancer, three weeks after he learned it himself

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16kqx8z/my_30f_boyfriend_34m_just_revealed_to_me_that_he/

16kqy50

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Ch1ckenS0up777 **AITA For not wanting to dye my hair back natural for my aunts wedding?** **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Controlling behavior!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/K9OBijFQwi)  **Aug 12, 2023** For context, I am not in the wedding party. I am also a teenager so it’s not like they take me very seriously when I say I don’t want to. I’ve also been dying my hair for years, and it isn’t a bright neon color, it’s a dark blue that actually goes with the theme of the wedding (dark blue and burgundy) On to the whole story. My aunt is getting married in February a few states away, and obviously because I’m her niece I’m attending along with our whole immediate family and LOADS more (I can already tell this will NOT be a small wedding) My grandma mentioned to me things that she would want me to do with my hair, she’s always been nitpicky but she’s from a different generation so whatever. My hair is short and blue, and my natural color is brown. A few months later, my grandma called my aunt so that we could talk about my hair situation and my aunt wants my hair to be completely natural. I understand that it is her wedding and that’s why I’m even asking this. My parents, other aunt, and lots of adults in my life are all on my side. My grandma has been especially forceful lately with getting me to be more feminine (I was super girly when I was little, but now im more androgynous than anything) and I also dress in a more alternative style. Nothing too crazy, just not anything she likes. It feels like they’re just trying to get rid of all parts of my appearance that show my personality. Another reason I’m so opposed is because not only would getting my hair back to normal be EXTREMELY expensive, it would absolutely fry my hair (like, more damage than it’s already sustained). I might be the asshole because it’s her wedding, but because she never even asked me to be part of it I don’t see why it would be an issue other than not being good with her “aesthetic”. Am I the Asshole? TLDR: My grandma and aunt DONT like the way my hair looks and want to change it for my aunt’s wedding. **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** [Update](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/AukgY7jYFS)  **Sept 10, 2023** So I recently re dyed my hair again for school (it’s blue still lol) and after that, my baby cousin was born (this is important I swear) so me and my cousins went with my other aunt (their mom) to go see our new cousin. Pictures were taken and sent to the family group chat so my other aunt saw my hair. I didn’t receive a text about it until the next day and believe it or not she really was nice about it. Of course she wants my hair back to normal but we ended up compromising and I’m going to dye my hair a darker and more muted blue. I’m not a HUGE fan of the blue she wants for me but as long as she isn’t super upset and I get to keep my hair blue, I’ll do it. I love my aunt and I want her to have a good wedding, but I have my boundaries and I want her to respect them (which she has been) I can’t post pictures in this subreddit but if y’all want pictures of our texts and how my hair looks just give me a subreddit to post them in lol. Thank you guys for all the advice! (TLDR: My aunt and I compromised and all is well) **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA For not wanting to dye my hair back natural for my aunts wedding?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16kqy50/aita_for_not_wanting_to_dye_my_hair_back_natural/

16kz6n4

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Character_Jaguar3037 in r/AmITheAsshole** trigger warnings: >!manipulation, death!< mood spoilers: >!sad, dumpster fire reddit comments!< --- &nbsp; [**WIBTA for going to the funeral of my ex GF's brother and missing my « SIL »'s wedding ?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/139o5h9/wibta_for_going_to_the_funeral_of_my_ex_gfs/) - May 6, 2023 I (M25) am in a relationship with Amelia (F26) since 2 years, she is wonderful, we live together and I think we are close to engagement. In the past, I was in a relationship with Julia (25F), we met in high school and had a very passoniate relationship for 5 years but it didn't work. In the end it got quite heated between us and even with her parents, so we blocked each other. Julia had a brother Dan, 2 years younger, and we always shared a special bond. Like me, he wanted to become doctor and I helped him with med school. Even after the breakup, we stayed close (Julia and their parents weren't aware), he was definitely very important for me, almost like a younger brother. Unfortunately, Dan had a car crash and died last week, I didn't know until Julia came to my home to anounce 2 days ago, I am absolutely devastated. She apologized because she wasn't aware that Dan and I were still close, she also thanked me for being there for him when he was fighting depression and that all her family would like to see me at his funeral next Sunday in their hometown (7 hours drive), I replied that I wasn't sure if I could come because I'm running low on money at the moment and my car will be at the mechanic's, she said she could drive me there but she had to be there 2 days earlier to help with the organisation, I said that I will think about it, we exchanged numbers and hugged, she cried a little and said she was sorry for all the things of the past and was happy to see me again. Amelia came home at this moment, and I explained the situation when Julia left (she already knew about my past relationship with Julia and my friendship with Dan). Amelia told me that I wouldn't be able to go at the funeral because the wedding of her sister is the same day and we both agreed to go. I said that I need a bit of time to proceed all that. The following morning, I had a very emotionnal phone call with Dan and Julia's parent, they apologized for the past and thanked me for being there for Dan, that they would always consider me family from now, they insisted that they'd like to host me for the funeral to save me cost. After reflection, even if it sucks for Amelia and the wedding, I cannot imagine missing Dan's funeral, I talked with my co residents the head of unit and they're ok with me missing a few days and cover for me. When I told my decision to Amelia yesterday, she blowed up and said that I'm a huge dick to ditch her and her family in favor of my ex's, she said that I committed to the wedding and I couldn't leave her alone to reconnect with my ex. We had a big argument and haven't talk much since. I had some messages from her friends and her sister, they said that I'm a major asshole for abandonning my GF in favor of my ex. I was sure about doing the good choice but I start to feel bad and second guess myself, so AITA ? *Verdict: NAH* [Top Comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/139o5h9/comment/jj37kwu/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) by u/Old_Beach2325 >I’m gonna say NAH because I understand wanting to be at Dan’s funeral and it’s not like you’re missing the wedding to go party with friends or something. But, I can also understand why your GF would be upset. You’re going with your ex a few days early and staying with your ex Gf’s family who you didn’t get along with in the past to the point of blocking them on your phone. Would you be totally fine with her missing a (hopefully) once in a lifetime family event to be with an ex for a funeral and being with them for days (not just a few hours)? I’m not gonna sugarcoat this, there’s a chance you come back from the funeral with her stuff moved out. &nbsp; [**UPDATE : WIBTA for going to the funeral of my ex GF's brother and missing my « SIL »'s wedding ?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/168wfnl/update_wibta_for_going_to_the_funeral_of_my_ex/) - September 3, 2023 Original post is here First of all, thanks for all the comments. It really helped me to gain perspective on my situation. Nearly 4 four months later, here's the update After intense reflection, I decided to stick with my prior engagement and go to the wedding. I called Julia to explain briefly the situation, also called her parents to apologize and tell that I'll come to pay my respect to them and to Dan's grave once I'll get my car back. They were very understanding. Amelia was still mad at me though. She blamed me for being « tempted » by Julia and her family, again after the wedding, for pulling the long face, I was still very hurt by Dan's death, so yeah I wasn't at my best. Our relationship was really going sour, I felt she wasn't supporting me while I was grieving my friend but she wasn't on the same page. I started to see a new side of her and perphaps we weren't meant to be. After another argument, we broke up, 1-2 weeks after the wedding. She tried to salvage our relationship but the damage was permanent. At this point, I was at my lowest, totally devastated, in just a few weeks, I lost my friend and my relationship, I was really in a bad place. Few days after, I got my car back, luckily it was a minor issue, it didn't cost me much. Once I got a weekend off, I visited Dan's grave and his parents. They gifted me his stethoscope, it meant a lot to me. Julia was also there, and we all remembered our memories with Dan, very nice and emotional moments. I felt very bad about missing the funeral but his family convinced me that what mattered was how I was present for him during his life. After that trip, I started to hang out with Julia again, it just happened naturally, even after several years, I have to admit that we still have a deep bond. Nothing romantic though, we are both grieving Dan, and I just ended my relationship with Amelia. We both agreed that rushing into a relationship would be a bad idea. Currently, we enjoy spending time as friends. Step by step, I started to feel better, the pain is still there but I'm learning to live with it. I try to enjoy my life, to improve as a man and as a resident every day. I'm lucky to have a great support group to rely on, especially one of my co-resident who really stepped up and is becoming an awesome friend, I'm currently living with him until I find a new apartment. I had almost no contact with Amelia since the breakup, probably for the best. I was quite bitter at one point, wondering how I went from thinking to propose her to breaking up in just a few weeks but with time I got closure. I know I have my fair share of responsability, but it is what it is. The past is the past and now I look to the future with hope and optimism. [Top Comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/168wfnl/comment/jyy6u5a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) by u/Inner-Show-1172 >Some of these comments make me sad for humanity. Dan was your friend and you mentored him. If course you'd mourn his loss. Thanks for the update. *Many of the most popular comments on the update amount to, "So Ameila was right you were going to cheat with your ex/you have unresolved feelings for your ex/Amelia dodged a bullet.* **Reminder - I am not the original poster. Marked as Concluded since OOP's relationship with Amelia has ended.**

OOP skips friend's funeral to go to SIL's wedding because his friend's sister is OOP's ex.

CONCLUDED

Johannes_Chimp

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16kz6n4/oop_skips_friends_funeral_to_go_to_sils_wedding/

16l10on

I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Lost_Papaya9278 in r/AmItheAsshole and on her user account trigger warnings: >!infidelity, cancer, depression!< mood spoilers: >!positive!< First BORU post is [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/q2wrxx/aita_for_not_accepting_my_sisters_relationship/) \- posted by u/tequilitas on 7th October 2021 Second BORU post is [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y4p8qv/aita_for_not_accepting_my_sisters_relationship/?share_id=iP44jWZEQLd6gMAtkHK4V&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) posted by u/Apprehensive-Net2687 on 15th October 2022 Thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 who found the update. \*\***New updates are from 9th September 2023 - approx 11 months from the last comment\*\*** &#x200B; [**AITA for not accepting my sister's relationship with my ex despite her having cancer as a teenager?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/px753o/aita_for_not_accepting_my_sisters_relationship/) **- September 28, 2021** My (25F) father married my step-sister's (23F) mother when I was 4 and she was 3. We've lived together most of our lives and are a family. She and I were extremely close. She developed cancer when she was 14 and was sick for about 2 years. She's since made a full recovery. During that time, my parents became understandably over-protective. They also asked a lot of me. I quit my extracurriculars so I could get a job (the money went towards her medical bills) and so I could drive her to appointments. I didn't go to dances and any fun activities I did needed to include her. I did almost all of this willingly, the exception being having to quit my high school volleyball team - I did throw a bit of a tantrum about that, but was swiftly punished. And I think having one emotional breakdown was pretty chill given the circumstances. Anyhow, I go to college and meet my ex, we'll call him Ben, when I'm a junior. We fall in love, blah blah blah. He and I move in together when we graduate, so we've been living together for about 3 years. We were serious until July when I walked into my bedroom and saw him fucking my sister. I broke it off, tears were shed, he moved out, etc. My sister apologized at first but then backed off. I thought she was giving me space but last week she called and asked if we could meet up. She told me that she and Ben were in love and were just telling me as a courtesy before they started posting photos online. Distraught, I left her in the restaurant by herself and did not pay my portion of the bill. She later venmo'ed me asking for the money. She told my parents who then called me to their house, telling me how disappointed in me they are for not supporting my sister's relationship with Ben. They brought up the fact that because she had cancer as a teenager, she never learned proper social etiquette, and has a hard time meeting people. I don't buy this, in part because I've seen her socialize just fine and since we spent a good chunk of the time she was sick together, that would also mean that I should have bad social skills as well, by that logic. They then told me that if I don't accept my sister and Ben's relationship, they may have to go no contact with me. I reminded them that I'm also their daughter and they should understand my point of view, but they are adamant that this is about me being jealous of her. For the record: I'm not jealous of her. I'm not upset that Ben picked her over me. I'm sad about the end of the relationship and do feel betrayed, but lord knows that I don't want to be with a cheater. What I'm upset about is the fact that my sister chose Ben over me. That she slept with Ben knowing he and I were in a long-term, committed relationship, and continues to be with him knowing how much it hurts me. Now no one in my immediate family is talking to me and I'm getting messages from aunts and uncles and cousins telling me that I'm an asshole and a selfish bitch. &#x200B; **Edit:** Thank you everyone so much for your comments. This has gotten more attention than I expected and am having trouble keeping up, so if I don't say thank you, then thank you. I've been given a lot of food for thought. TBH, while I've had moments where I've been resentful or upset about my teenage years, I've always thought that I did the right thing for my sister and for my family. And that time wasn't all miserable; I was very close to my sister and we made things as fun as we could. But I didn't think of it as an abdication of my parent's responsibilities or that they were doing wrong by me, which many of you pointed out. I definitely have a lot to think about. Thank you again for making me feel less crazy about all of this! &#x200B; **UPDATE:** Sometimes you can only laugh. Just got off of the phone with my cousin who saw this post and said he could explain a few things. I asked him why he was on Reddit instead of school, he asked me why I was on Reddit instead of work, and I said touché. He told me that after my conversation with my mom, she went to his house and talked to my aunt. And here's the deal: Turns out my sister is not only in a relationship with Ben but FOUR MONTHS PREGNANT. Which means she and Ben were fucking for longer than I had even guessed. Apparently my parents are so adamant that I forgive her because I'm already ruining their experience of their first grandchild. That's right, I'm less important than my stepmom posting ultrasounds to Facebook. This is where we're at. Anyhow, I called out of work sick the rest of the day and am going to drink a lot of alcohol. Like, a lot of alcohol. And then start thinking about what the fuck I'm going to do. &#x200B; [**UPDATE: AITA for not accepting my sister's relationship with my ex despite her having cancer as a teenager?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q2vfsf/update_aita_for_not_accepting_my_sisters/) **- October 6, 2021** I was asked for an update and thus, here I am. Two things to clarify before I update: I didn’t have a shitty childhood. The favoritism started when my sister was diagnosed. I moved out soon after and have been pretty independent since then. Not saying that how my parents treated me during those years were a-ok, but I wasn’t Cinderella. I did not drink myself into oblivion. I had two white wine spritzers. But I appreciate the concern from folks! Anyhow, the update: I got in touch with my sister and asked her to meet up again at a park (no bill involved). I asked her if she was pregnant and she told me the truth. She said she wanted us to still be in each other’s lives and that she wanted me to be in her baby’s. A redditor (and I forget who, I’m sorry) mentioned that she may ask me to be the godmother and that person was correct. But as many of you pointed out — if I didn’t cut her off, I’d just become her bank and daycare employee. So I told her I could no longer be in her life. And I left her crying on a park bench and felt like the shittiest person in the world. I emailed my parents and told them how betrayed I felt and that I’d be cutting off contact with them. To my stepmom’s credit, she apologized. She explained that she never thought my sister would live to have kids and that she let her emotion over that get the better of her. Understandable. My dad said nothing, which is honestly what sucked the worst about all of this. Ben tried messaging me from a burner account for the first time since the break-up but I blocked him without reading it. I didn’t go nuclear and post the story to Facebook as some suggested but I sent an email to the extended family members who I care about. I explained the situation and how I’d be distancing myself from my family. Some have made it an us-versus-them situation and as much as I appreciate the support, feeling like I’m in some valiant battle just makes me more tired. So I haven’t been talking to much of anyone in my family. I feel lonely and crappy, but I think I made the right decision. Anyhow, not the most exciting update in the world but hopefully everyone knows that I’m not dead. I do really appreciate the support I’ve gotten — it made me smile during a really shitty time. And hey, if anyone in the greater Boston area wants an extra guest at Thanksgiving, lemme know. TL;DR: Ended up cutting off my family. &#x200B; [**People wanted an update?**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Lost_Papaya9278/comments/r1k8by/people_wanted_an_update/) **- November 24, 2021** Hi! Some people were interested in an update, so… I am spending Thanksgiving with a friend and her family. So I won’t be alone! Thanks to everyone who offered to host me, it was so sweet! I’m still not in touch with my family but I know that Ben and my sister are having problems. I know this because he showed up at my place and cried for three hours. I’m going to go to New Mexico in April! Planning is underway. Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate! &#x200B; [**I think my \[26F\] old ex \[26M\] sabotaged my relationship with my new ex \[27M\]**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/rtxy19/i_think_my_26f_old_ex_26m_sabotaged_my/) **- January 1, 2022** To make a long story short, my \[26F\] break-up last summer with EX1 \[26M\] was volcanic. He's now expecting a baby with my step-sister within the next six weeks or so. Since I found out about the pregnancy, he's tried to get in touch with me six times through email/text/burner accounts, has tried to get mutual friends to talk to me for him, and showed up to my place once. The latter was the only time I humored him. He told me he was sorry, he loves me, he doesn't want to be with my stepsister and wants to get back together with me. I told him tough titties. He made his bed and now he's got to lay in it with her. I haven't dated much since July because of my life's implosion, but in November a friend from college messaged me out of the blue. We hadn't talked in a long time. He \[27M, referred to as EX2 for the rest of the post\] and EX1 were good friends but had a falling out over something fantasy football-related the year after we graduated and I stopped talking to him out of solidarity, or whatever. Anyhow, we go on a date. We click. We go on a few more dates. We become exclusive in early December. I was feeling really hopeful about this until this morning. I was supposed to meet EX2 at a new year's party last night. He got there before I left the house and texted me saying that EX1 was at the party and asked whether I still wanted to come. I declined and went to another friend's house and have a pretty good time. I tried calling EX2 at midnight but he didn't pick up, I didn't think much about it. Anyhow, I go to bed late and when I wake up this morning, I have a message from EX2 saying we're done. I couldn't even respond because he'd blocked me everywhere. I talked to a friend who was at the party the EXes were at last night and he said the two of them had spent a good chunk of time chatting with each other but he didn't know what they were talking about. I'm not close with anyone else who was at the party so I don't really have anyone else to ask. Like okay, it was a two-month-old relationship. I'm sad but I'm not bereft. But the paranoid part of my mind is really concerned that EX1 said something that resulted in EX2 becoming EX2. EX2 has made it abundantly apparent that he doesn't want to talk to me again and I don't want to push that boundary. But I'm so confused. I could contact EX1 but I get the feeling that will open a floodgate of drama. I could also try talking to other mutual friends to see if they've heard anything but I also don't really want to spread this as a rumor if it wasn't true. I don't know. I'm at a loss. Any advice here? I'm spiraling thinking that my ex is going to try to ruin every relationship I have for the rest of my life. TL;DR: After a conversation with an old ex boyfriend, my new ex boyfriend broke up with me. I'm afraid that the old ex boyfriend said something to him and I'm worried he'll do it again in the future. &#x200B; [**I'm beginning to think that there's something wrong with me**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/s5rnze/im_beginning_to_think_that_theres_something_wrong/)**- January 16, 2022** My last two partners have cheated on me. The first was a very serious relationship. We lived together, we talked about marriage and buying a house. He even took two pictures of us as kids and photoshopped them together to show what our kids might look like one day (the result was terrifying but hilarious and I had it as the background of my phone for a month). I walked in on him sleeping with my step-sister. Now she's pregnant, due in the near-future, and he's with her. I know he's not happy. I know he regrets what he did. I know that he loved me. And none of that stopped him from fucking my step-sister in our bed. I've spent so long now being upset at her and writing him off as just a bad decision that I wasted time on but now I find myself mourning what we had. My step-sister and I grew up together and have loved each other most of our lives so it felt like that was the betrayal. But he and I chose each other. Out of all the people on the earth, we looked each other in the eyes, committed to each other, and made the promise to stay faithful. And he lied. And he lied and he lied and he lied. And he let me go on loving him while he lied. And then a few months ago another guy comes into my life and for the first time in ages I felt hopeful. I thought to myself that maybe I could actually move on and live my life. I wasn't in love with him but he was the kind of man I thought I could fall in love with. We were exclusive for about a month. Before we made the decision to be exclusive, I told him everything that had happened with my first ex and told him that I could never be with another cheater. I wake up on New Year's Day to a text saying we're done. When I tried getting in touch, I found out he'd blocked me everywhere. Turns out, he met someone at a New Year's party, and hooked up with her. Instead of telling me, he just blocked me everywhere and sent a lackey to message me a few weeks later with the real story and a half-assed apology. I want to be angry and maybe a part of me is. But as I'm sitting here, I'm just thinking... What if it's me? What if I'm just not loveable? What if it's never going to happen for me? The thing is, I've been a pretty confident person. I went through bullshit as a kid but I got through it and grew stronger. I'm pretty good-looking (though I've admittedly put on a little weight in the past couple weeks), I've been told that I'm fun, I hold down a good job and make decent money. I also live my life according to my values. I've always put my family and partner first because that's just how I believed it should be done. And I thought that I would be prioritized in turn. I've lost most of my family because they'd rather have my step-sister's baby in their life than me. My friends have been fair weather, for the most part, and I know that I'm a laughingstock in my friend group, as much as they pretend to pity me to my face. I feel the little spark I've always had fading. I don't chime in on conversations anymore. I've stopped putting on cute clothes when I go out. I don't plan anything so I don't have anything to be disappointed about. Soon I'll be the same age as my mom was when she died. I never knew her but I've always loved her, thinking of her watching over me. I don't remember the funeral but it was one of those funerals where there wasn't a dry eye in the house. She lit up a room, people tell me, she was a good woman. In my worst moments, I wonder what it would be like if I died right now. Would anyone cry? Would anyone care? Would anyone even come? Anyhow, sorry for writing a novella. Just... not sure what to do anymore and who to talk to. If you read all this, thank you. [**Update(ish)**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Lost_Papaya9278/comments/v19p5w/updateish/) **- May 30, 2022** Hello folks. I thought that things on the Internet died after a couple days so color me surprised when I still get requests for updates on the regular. Long story short, I don't have much to update. I didn't end up going to New Mexico because I, conveniently, got Covid the week before I was supposed to go. The baby was had but I have had no contact with the baby or their parents. I've done a pretty good job of insulating myself from news about them/the rest of my family. My life is pretty much the same as it was. So, sorry to the folks who are hoping I have some kind of happy ending to slap onto all of this. Things are improving just because time barrels on and you can grow numb to most anything given enough time and distance. But I have had no grand revelations, have not met the love of my life, nor had elaborate revenge on those who have wronged me. I am going to Europe for the first time in October, though! So that's exciting. I will say this: While I appreciate the solidarity and sometimes colorful language used to describe my sister and Ben in my DMs, I wholeheartedly ask everyone reading this not to waste their energy on hating them. They're now parents to a newborn and regardless of the things they've done in the past, I hope that they can come together as a happy family and raise their child in a loving, healthy home. Hating them doesn't do anything for anyone, including ourselves, in the long run. Anyhow, that's the non-update update. I promise that if I meet the love of my life at the top of the Eiffel Tower (or more likely, stuffing my face with waffles in Bruges), I will post another update. Until then, you can assume that I am living, trying my best, and am very appreciative of all of the people out there in the world who have read this saga and reached out with support (even if I have not had the energy to respond to everyone)! [**Update in comments**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y4p8qv/comment/iskhwv3/?context=3) **- October 16, 2022** Hi! Just wanted to give a more recent, less depressing update: I am currently in my hotel room in Paris, eating a creme brûlée in bed, reading a romance novel, and about to go to sleep early. All is well. &#x200B; \*\* **New Update starts here \*\*** &#x200B; [**Howdy, it’s been a while**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Lost_Papaya9278/comments/16e3h5f/howdy_its_been_a_while/) **- 9th September 2023** Hello! So, it’s been a minute but I still get messages from folks asking how I’ve been and I’m up too early and a little bored so I thought I’d give you the answer: I’m good! Made a lot of really positive changes in my life and I am in a much better place (physically and mentally) than I was last year. To answer some specific questions: No, I’m not in contact with my family. The last straw was in spring 2022. My dad emailed me to ask if we could get lunch and talk. Me, having always harbored the secret and foolish hope that we’d reconcile and go back to normal, agreed. I arrived at the restaurant and waited two hours. When my server gave me a free dessert on the house with a pitying look, I called it and went home. Later I got an email from my stepmom, which I’m sure was full of excuses, but I didn’t read it. But, the really positive outcome of that was that made me realize that I needed to move far away and not come back. Which I did! I’d always been really scared to move away from my family but since I don’t have one anymore, I ended up somewhat spontaneously moving halfway across the country. The spontaneous move was stressful and expensive, but I can now say that moving was one of the best decisions of my life! I ended up reconnecting with an old friend and falling in with her friend group, who are the loveliest people. I’ve never felt safer or more supported and I feel so lucky to have them in my life. And it’s less humid here! That’s a big win. One of our friends is a counselor who helped me find a therapist that I really click with. And it took a few tries and a therapist who didn’t immediately want to do CBT with me, which just isn’t my thing, but I found someone I really connect with. I’m now doing IFS therapy and it has really changed my relationship with myself and helped me realize all of the hurt and pain I’ve been holding onto and start to heal. So… y’all were right and I needed to go to therapy. Give yourselves a pat on the back for that one. I also got diagnosed with depression and am taking medicine for that. It was a bit hard to stomach as someone who always saw her value as being the Happy Person Who Takes Care Of Everyone All The Time but it turns out that sometimes when your needs aren’t met as a kid, you end up becoming the Happy Person Who Takes Care Of Everyone All The Time because you’re afraid that if you show the slightest bit of unhappiness, you won’t be loved anymore, and that’s fucked up. &#x200B; I also met a guy. And I know you’re all saying, *“Papaya no! Your decision making around men cannot be trusted!”* but I assure you that he’s different. Instead of rolling his eyes when I’m feeling off, he’ll either just quietly lay on the couch with me or go for a walk, or he’ll say really dirty things to me in his spot-on Kermit the Frog voice until I’m laughing so hard I can’t focus on anything else. *And bonus!* He’s far too busy painting D&D minis to find the time to cheat on me, so I’m not even worried about that. I did have to invest in a somewhat elaborate Renaissance Faire costume, which is not something I had imagined for myself, but I’m having a great time. I’m gonna marry this dude someday. &#x200B; As for Ben and my sister, as far as I know they’re still together. Every so often she tries to get in touch with some manner of burner account, but I ignore all of it. I’m still bummed that I’m not going to be a part of my nibling’s life and I do, honestly, still really miss my family, but I know this is right for me. Sorry I don’t have any salacious info on them, since I know you’re all really here to hear about their karmic downfall or whatever. &#x200B; But on my end, things are good. Better than they were before I found out I was being cheated on. My current life is built on real contentment, not fear disguised as shallow happiness. It’s not perfect and I have a lot of problems that I’m working through, but I’m proud of myself and I think my mom would be, too. So that’s the update! I think it’s going to be my last one. (At least on this account.) Thanks Reddit for supporting me and making me smile through some of the worst, weirdest points in my life. May you, too, be blessed with internet strangers who cheer you on and offer to sabotage the lives of the people who do you wrong. **Comments** &#x200B; >I think it’s going to be my last one. (At least on this account.) *Girl no, uh uh. We need more juice. I hope you will keep posting about your life when you get married or have kids. I am so happy for you. Few days ago while scrolling though reddit I randomly remembered your post and was thinking what's going on. I am sorry your deadbeat dad failed you. But don't worry he will have his wakeup call someday. I hope those shitty family of yours is blocked. As for Ben and your step-sis, I have a tinge of feeling that the reason she is trying to contact with you is because she messed up with Ben. I am glad you are doing therapy. I wish you nothing but endless happiness and joy.* *I hope you build a nice family with that guy and have children with him (or not whatever you decide). As much as I want to get tea from your evil step-sis it is good that you do not have any information about her or Ben. The further you stay away from them, the better.* &#x200B; *I am wondering why the step sister is still bothering to contact OP? Like what does she need? Money?* *Probably just wanting to reestablish the relationship so she can feel good about herself. Like, "See? We still talk! What I did wasn't that bad!"* *Too bad for her. There are some things you just can't come back from.* &#x200B; Edit - fixed one of the dates from original BoRU. **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

[Final Update] AITA for not accepting my sister's relationship with my ex despite her having cancer as a teenager?

NEW UPDATE

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16l10on/final_update_aita_for_not_accepting_my_sisters/

16l74v9

**The original was posted by** u/Few_Inside326 **on** r/offmychest &#x200B; ​ Mood spoiler: >!mentions of suicide and infidelity!< ​ Mood spoiler: >!Happy!< \---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/14d79eo/my_husband_left_me_for_our_babysitter_2_years_ago/)\- 19 june 2023 ​ I have been struggling with mental health issues for a long time. We hired a babysitter and she wasn't just with kids. She was with my husband too. I started working during that time so I needed it. But my husband goes on to having an affair with her. He just said he fell out of love with me. He doesn't find me attractive anymore. I was crushed and broken. I filed for divorce and now I am a single mother with 2 kids. The woman he left me for is much younger and prettier than I am. She is in her 20s and has a nice body. I am still struggling to lose weight from my child birth. Sometimes I feel this was my fault. If I had just been a stay at home wife we wouldn't need to hire a nanny. He never would have had an affair with her. Is this is my punishment for wanting to be just more than a mom and a wife? Is this the punishment for me for going back to work instead of being a mom? Don't get me wrong, I love my kids. They will always be my first priority. But I can't shake this feeling that I invited doom into my own house. I do hear few people say that I should've kept an eye on my husband. That I should've been a good wife. Otherwise he wouldn't cheat. I still love him. I hate that I still love him. I hate that he is happy while I am miserable. I tried to kill myself few months ago. But I didn't because of my kids. I love them. I know they are not to blame. I feel unattractive, useless, and like a joke. I couldn't keep my marriage. Why does he get to have a good life after hurting me this way? Isn't he the evil person? Why is he blessed in life? &#x200B; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/16e3ns8/updatemy_husband_left_me_for_our_babysitter_2/) \- 09 Sept 2023 (3 months later) Hello people, I know this post doesn't need a special update but I wanted to thank all of you. Your words have kept me going for 3 months. Some even gave me good advice and I can see the drastic changes in my life. The first thing I did was change my therapist. I have researched and came to realize he wasn't good. He wouldn't really help me with triggers and such and would just nod. I was wasting money on him. It took me a month but I found a good one. She helped me process through my insecurities very well. I don't mean to sound sexist but I think a female therapist is better for me because she can relate to things a man cannot. No shade to male therapists, I am sure there are many many good ones but my options are limited. I spend my time trying out new things and spending time with my kids a lot. I no longer feel this agony and guilt over my marriage. I am still healing, it is a long way to go. I started dressing cute, not for men but for me. I started to feel like my old self. I am currently dating someone, It is very new, I haven't introduced him to my kids yet. But he knows I am a single mom and is aware of my situation. One of the main reasons why I avoided dating is because I am afraid of having my heart broken. But now I am slowly overcoming that irrational fear. Even if this relationship doesn't work out, I wouldn't mind. Also the stigma people have for single moms have made me even more insecure about myself. Anyways, thanks to everyone for supporting me. I still read your comments for encouragement. 😘😘 &#x200B; *Some hopeful comments:* >That's awesome, you're awesome, best wishes moving forward you deserve it and it's so great to see you know you do, you're already far from where you were 3 months ago and it's a lot. > >I know it might sound petty, but make sure to make a review on the old therapist, so no other woman with the same issues like yours seek help from him, maybe he specializes in other areas/has a different approach (some just let you vent, be a safe space to talk about whatever, other take a more direct, help you plan your next steps, some help you find cope mechanisms, etc), but dropped the ball in what you needed to move forward, and it has little to do with him being a man, a good therapist would analyze your progress and refer you to a more capable therapist if he doesn't have the time/skills. But anyway its great you found a good fit in your current therapist. &#x200B; ***OOP replies:*** *I did leave a review, not really a bad one like "Oh my god he is the worst therapist ever". More subtle like he might have worked for other people but not for me. he failed to analyze my problems and give me advice or proper counselling. Maybe he is not good when it comes to handling issues with women. I don't think he is objectively a bad therapist.* *Like one of my friends said- "Just because the foundation doesn't suit you doesn't mean it is a bad foundation." He was fenty beauty to my skin lol.* &#x200B; **Concluded since OOP is working toward healing. There are other posts about her struggles too.**

My husband left me for our babysitter 2 years ago and I am still not over it.

CONCLUDED

None

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16l74v9/my_husband_left_me_for_our_babysitter_2_years_ago/

16lh29u

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Hopeful_Funny897 **Am I wrong that I broke up with him without warning** **Originally posted to** r/amiwrong **Thanks to u/queenlegolas for showing me these posts** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Infidelity, attempted suicide, manipulation!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/amiwrong/s/GJlv8uCBiz)  **Aug 18, 2023** My ex boyfriend is making my life miserable So here it goes, I (23f) was in relationship with Chris (26m) for 4 years. We were best friends. Everything was perfect like fairytale. We both had well paying jobs. And we had a great apartment I mean it was his but I used to pay half the rent. I thought this was it. I definitely knew we were gonna get married. But then tragedy struck. One of my coworkers got fired from job because she filed a harassment case against our manager. I knew he was capable of doing it and she had proofs so I backed her up. But then she got fired from work and I knew I was the next one to get fired. Everyone was talking about it. All of us knew I was getting fired and that eventually happened. But I was not sad .Was already searching for new job told my boyfriend he was very supportive. That night he went out with his friends he asked me but I was tired. Everything was fine 2 days later I got message from his friend .He said my boyfriend slept with his girlfriend. At first I thought it was prank or joke but no he was right. He told that they didn't have affair but they did sleep together. It was one time thing. He even showed me the photos. His girlfriend confessed him as she felt guilty. He broke up with her. Asked me to do the same. I was shocked, didn't know what to do. I thought of asking my bf then I got message from him saying I want to talk to you. He said he'll come home and if you are at home stay there I'll be there in 15 min. This confirmed everything. I was crying and then I packed my bags n all my stuff. I left a note saying I know that you cheated and I'm breaking up with you. I did this because I didn't want to face him. If I stayed there he would have manipulated me .He always did this when he wanted something .I went to my sister house n went to sleep. I switched off my phone. Told sister everything n said not to tell my bf I'm here. He was calling everyone in my family n friends to ask about me I already told my family. My bf even visited my sister house I think he knew I was there. My sister kicked him out. I was totally numb. Didn't know how to feel what to do. I was not even crying anymore just sitting there total blank. My sister bf told me I can stay here as long as I want. He is a great guy. Few days later I was waiting for my sister suddenly my ex bf came there and sat next to me. Here how the conversation goes... Chris :Hi how are you Me : good as you can see. C : you're looking great .Looking very beautiful M: what do you want now. You cheated n now here to tell me reason or excuses C:I didn't do it on purpose it just happened .Im Sorry I will never do that again. I love you. It was my biggest mistake I was not in control. You can slap me or punish me but don't leave me. By the way he was crying uncontrollably during this but nothing really worked for me. He was begging literally. M : OK I forgive you. Now leave. C: But what about our relationship M: What relationship. I told you I'm breaking up with you. You asked for forgiveness I accept that. C :you can't do this. You know I messed up I'm regretting it now. I'll die if you didn't come back. M: I really don't have time for this now. You asked for forgiveness you got it now there's nothing to talk about. I left as was barely controlling my tears. I was just putting out a strong face just to show him. He came again next day same discussion. A week later he said I left my thing in his place. It was frame filled with our pictures which I gifted him. He was doing that on purpose. I took all the pictures out n kept the frame. Everyday he is here .Yesterday I told him that stop doing this nothing going to happen. Just go n accept the truth. Today he didn't talk but he was still there. I was out shopping n he was everywhere like every single store I went to. I certainly don't care but that's weird. He just following me at this point. I don't want to see his face everyday. I don't show doesn't mean I don't have feelings. I cry like everyday at night. And seeing him everyday makes it worse. He is ruining my life at this point.He is saying I broke up with him without any warning. So am I wrong for not waiting for his explanation?? Update : Thank you so much for all the suggestion. I'm going to get a restraining order. I also called his friend whose girlfriend he cheated on with he said he will surely help me. My sister bf is coming back tomorrow .Also we are going to my sister's friends house to sleep.Just for today as we are alone in here. Her husband is cop. Update : The girl who he cheated with called just hours ago. She n her bf got back together. They are going for a open relationship. And apparently my bf convinced his friend to forgive her. My sister totally went nuts on that bitch. But Why is his friend still talking to him n he also wants to help me. Are they all together and making a fool outta me. My sister did record the call. I know it's not needed but still .Why did his friend do that or maybe he's planning something else I don't know. I know this is not necessary information for my case. But this happened n I thought I'll share. Sorry if you feel this was not relevant. And I'm getting a restraining order. As of now I have not gone anywhere. Sister still with me trying to cheer me up. [Update 1](https://reddit.com/r/amiwrong/s/vSWVno2ASJ)  **Aug 19, 2023** First of all thank you so much guys for all your support and advice. Alot of people agreed with me that I did was right thing. I didn't owe him anything he messed up the relationship right when he cheated. Also someone said it was looks like it was written by a kid, sorry English is not my first language. So I tried my best. I slept most of time today as I was little down. When I woke up my sister's boyfriend was here.my sister told me when I was asleep she got text from my bf. She showed me the messages. It was long text basically everything he wanted to say. I'll just write the important things . He started with the cheating part. He said I'm ashamed of myself ,how did I do this blah blah... But he's still adamant on I didn't do that on purpose thing. He regrets everything. He has written some details of what happened but I don't feel comfortable sharing that. Then said he didn't tell me because he thought I'll leave him that means if his friend had not told I would've never known he cheated. Most interesting thing here is he is still pushing that I was not in control reason. So he added that his friend n gf got together because they genuinely love each other. They wanted to solve this issue and they looked past the things and came to conclusion that their relationship is important. They know everyone makes mistakes. Everyone deserves second chance in life . Their relationship is strong so they survived this disturbance. He said I'm throwing away 4 years relationship for a mistake that he clearly regrets. He understands that my trust is broken but he'll try to gain it back. I don't know how he'll do that, following me doesn't make me trust you buddy. He said I'm angry n hurt that's I took those desicison and left him. I should have heard him first then have taken the decision. His uncle has been sick so he's going to visit him. So he's saying is I'll get lot of time to think when he's gone n try to understand his situation. He is always around so I'm bothered with him. He said our relationship didn't have any troubles before because we understand each other. That's what relationship are. If everyone thinks like me then no couples would have stayed together. Every relationship has flaws but it survives because they are willing to make sacrifices. And that he still loves me very much. Will do anything to get me back. He can even wait years for me .He will not follow me again but he wants to talk to me after he comes back. Yay good luck with that Chris. My sisters bf said he thinks that my BF is not going anywhere .he just wants us to think he's gone so that we can stop thinking about involving cops. Then we get relaxed he'll start doing that again. He's clearly still trying to act innocent. Honestly even if he telling the truth I have made my decision n I'll not change it. Regarding the restraining order we discussed everything n figured it out. I didn't get much time today because my sisters dog got massive diarrhea so we cleaned the house n took him to vet. He is okay now. So that's all that has happened. I'll update you guys if anything happens again. Thanks for supporting me n showing your concerns. [Update 2](https://reddit.com/r/amiwrong/s/k1TPeRQgaG)  **Sept 7, 2023** So it's been a long time. For people who don't want to read previous one long story short my bf cheated on me his friends gf, I left his home with a note that I'm breaking up with him. But according to him I didn't give him chance to explain himself. Then he stalked me n made everyone worse. Lot of things have happened since then my ex didn't contact me for 6 days no calls, no message I really thought that he was finally gone. But on 1 Sept around 9pm I got call from one of our mutual friend saying that my ex tried to commit suicide. His friends were there they stopped it .It was mess but he is fine now just hurt a little. I was scared n crying never thought he'll do something like that. When I was kid my neighbor had killed herself I didn't take it well. I was traumatized since then I'm very sensitive. I cried the whole night didn't sleep didn't eat. Next the common friend she visited me after seeing him she told that he's okay. But he looks like he doesn't take care of himself. Also I was called whore, bitch and many other names by his friends. She said I should go to see him. My sister disagreed with this as it will give him hope that I'll come back to him. my sister she called my mom told her everything .They know how I take these things cuz after my father passed in 2021 I was depressed. I literally gave up didn't eat, was just sleeping not talking to anyone. It was very hard for me to leave it behind .I got my life back together after all that just for this to happen. My mom said she will fly here as soon as she can. She came here in 3 days later with everything ready.she wanted me to go to Boston with her. So my uncle have a house in Boston .His gf was there. He bought it when they were together now they broken up the house is empty.He uses it whenever he goes to Boston. He often says to all the relatives that if you wanna go there you can live in my house. He told her that we can go there for few days. Mom wanted me to take out of here. She was not wrong bcz my Birthday was in few days. I didn't wanted to go bcoz I have everything here but I guess it's time to move on. So for my ex I left him voicemail and card I know it's stupid of me to do that but I can't leave like this .I'm in Boston right now with my mom. My sister didn't get leave so she gonna be there with her bf. I also feel sorry for all the trouble I caused them. They are gonna come here as its my birthday tomorrow .I really don't know how to feel .I just want to be alone. But I can't say anything as I don't want to ruin or spoil anything. I have done enough. I don't have job, lost my 4 yr relationship I have to start everything from the beginning now atleast my mom is here.Im not feeling good here but it's time to accept it and continue. Maybe things will get better I wish. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Am I wrong that I broke up with him without warning

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16lh29u/am_i_wrong_that_i_broke_up_with_him_without/

16ljgp7

Fun Fact To Cover Spoilers: There is evidence that foxes are able to use the magnetic fields of Earth in order to hunt. Content Warning: >!Transphobia!< Mood Spoiler: >!Happy for OOP overall!< I am not the OOP, that would be u/Few-Grape-2943 who posted this on r/namenerds \- [**Looking for a female who's name is Mordecai.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/namenerds/comments/y2ty3k/looking_for_a_female_whos_name_is_mordecai/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **(October 13th, 2022)** Hello, I want to change my name to Mordecai, but unfortunately in my country (Czech Republic) this name is registered as males name. I'm trans - female to male, and unless I go through sterilisation, and get F changed to M in my ID card, I can't get it changed. My given name is very feminine and I despise it. Now, I have 2 options- I can either choose another, unisex name, or I can find a person who is female, who's name is Mordecai, and present is as "proof" that this name can be used by females. Is there anyone like this? Or do you know someone? I'd appreciate any help. Thank you! \- **Relevant Comments** >Are there any time or location requirements? I found [this woman](https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/39486756/mordecai-arnold) in Alabama who lived from 1894 to 1974. OOP: Holy crap!! Thank you so much! I can definitely use this, I'll let you know whenever this worked or not. \- >I would choose a different name. It’s a well established old Jewish mens name, solidly male. We would love to help you choose a name they will accept however - do you have gender neutral names in your country? Any other names you like? OOP: Unfortunately that's not an option, I've used this name since I was in my early teens, almost for 2 decades by this point. I don't want to compromise on this decision. There are some beautiful gender neutral names (my given name is quite beautiful as well but... that's not really how I feel). Its hard to come in terms with this- admitting dead end, I mean. \- *OOP receives a few more comments from people with evidence of women named Mordecai as well as some people suggesting unisex names to use instead.* \- [**UPDATE: Looking for a female named Mordecai.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/namenerds/comments/11ltgnz/update_looking_for_a_female_named_mordecai/) **(March 8th, 2023)** Hello everyone! A few months ago, I made a [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/namenerds/comments/y2ty3k/looking_for_a_female_whos_name_is_mordecai/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) in this sub. I was looking for a female whose name is Mordecai, so I can legally change my name without getting sterilised (I'm trans man - female to male, sterilisation is required if i want to legally change F to M in my documents, and then use name that is registered as 'males' ). You guys helped me to find a few females who were named Mordecai, so I can prove to the registry office that the name can be used by both sexes. And it worked!!! I got my name changed officially. Thank you all so much for your support and helpfulness. I was, and still am, head over heels happy. edit: thank you all so much! \- *I wish OOP the absolute best.*

Looking for a female who's name is Mordecai.

CONCLUDED

boru_posts

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16ljgp7/looking_for_a_female_whos_name_is_mordecai/

16ll5mr

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/throwRAdzc **My brothers (27m) girlfriend (26f) has an “alter” of my child** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **Thanks to u/Twigz8771 for suggesting this BoRU** [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/Fuoi53GpWz) **Sept 4, 2023** I’m 34m, wife is 32f, brother is 27m and brothers girlfriend is 26f. I’m looking for advice here because this is completely over my head and my initial reaction to this is probably way off. My brother has been dating his gf for about a year now. She’s a nice girl but at times her behavior is odd and erratic. She asked over and over again to babysit for my kids (girl and boy, 3 and 5). My wife and I have always said no. This weekend we had a barbecue and she was acting EXTREMELY strangely-only speaking in a baby voice, not talking to any of the adults, running around with the kids. My wife pulled me aside at one point extremely upset. She has found her in our 3 year olds room, in her playpen/ball pit area, sucking her thumb covered in our daughters blankets with all of her stuffed animals. My wife was completely confused as to what was going on and when she asked my brothers girlfriend what she was doing she responded in a baby voice that she was “tired” and needed “nappies”. My wife came immediately to get me and we both confronted my brother to ask him what the hell was going on. My brother got extremely embarrassed. He said that his girlfriend has “Dissociative Identity Disorder” and one of her “alters” is a 3 year old girl. My wife and I don’t know anything about this disorder so we didn’t really say anything, just told him to please go get her and keep her out of our kids room. He went to get her but within 15 minutes he still wasn’t out. I went to go see what was going on and his girlfriend was extremely upset, insisting that he calls her Avalyn, our daughters name. That was the last straw for my wife. She told her to leave, brothers girlfriend started straight up sobbing using her baby voice saying she’s confused and doesn’t understand why everyone is “being mean to her” and calling her the wrong name. That night my brother called and admitted that not only is one of her “alters” a three year old, it’s very specifically OUR three year old. He said he can’t talk to her about this because when she’s not her “Avalyn” alter she doesn’t remember anything and when she is her Avalyn alter she isn’t “rational”. My wife and I told my brother she’s not allowed at family functions anymore, and she’s not allowed around our kids. My wife was extremely upset and told my brother that his girlfriend was “psychotic” and that she wouldn’t understand why he was still with someone like that. My brother is upset that my wife said those things about her and said he understands we would be upset about her having an alter of our daughter but she can’t help it and we should be more understanding because it’s a disorder due to “childhood trauma”. Did my wife and I handle this the right way? We know nothing about this disorder, and doing research into it, the medical definition doesn’t seem to match the way my brothers girlfriend is acting. Adding from a comment because it seems relevant: **She doesn’t have an official diagnosis.** (putting that in bold because people keep asking). Apparently it was rude of my wife and I to ask if she was getting treatment or had a diagnosis because “therapy isn’t available to everyone” and “self diagnosis is valid.” She comes from a very affluent family and definitely has the resources to get therapy and a proper diagnosis. [Update 1](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/sa7e0RNXz3) **Sept 7, 2023** So to start things off, my wife and I have done a lot of research into Dissociative Identity Disorder. Right off the bat, I’ll be blunt here. I don’t believe in the “fad” DID, or anything that goes along with it. I don’t think people are “programmed” to be systems. I don’t think people make “fictives” over characters from TV or movies. I definitely don’t think it’s possible to make an “alter” of a specific three year old girl. I think that’s all attention seeking BS. **I don’t know about the validity of actual DID, if it does exist, because at this point it is being faked so much it’s impossible to figure out if it’s an actual disorder or not.** I definitely don’t think if someone did actually have DID they would be on Reddit casually talking and making videos about “meeting the alters” and BS like that. (And no, I don’t think being in the DSM proves ANY validity whatsoever.) I do think if you really are convinced you have DID you probably do have some sort of disorder that you should get checked out with an actual, reputable doctor. Now that’s out of the way, my wife and I have heard from my brother after the party. He still thinks we owe his girlfriend an apology. We told him that he owes us an apology for not telling us about his girlfriends erratic and psychotic behavior. (I’m not using the term psychotic to be insulting. I really do think she’s experiencing some sort of psychosis.) My wife told him that due to his extraordinary lack of judgment in bringing her around our family, and our kids, when he knew about this, we didn’t really feel comfortable having him around our children without one of us directly there either. We encouraged him to get her to see an actual doctor and get checked out. We told him we’d be willing to help her look for doctors in the area if she needed support and didn’t want to involve her family in this for whatever reason. But we also told him under no circumstances will she be allowed around our children again unless she goes through intensive therapy, realizes what she did was wrong and apologizes for it. Thanks to everyone for pushing us in the right direction as to what to do. We really appreciated all of your input and comments. **To clarify: I’m not saying DID isn’t real, I don’t know. I think you all know what DID “fad” I’m taking about. I don’t believe in the social media DID. THE “meet the alters” and “watch me switch!” BS. and yes- she does have a TT account where she does pretend to be my daughter.** [Final update](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/KgohVHu9av) **Sept 11, 2023** I’m 34m, wife is 32f, brother is 27m and brothers girlfriend is 26f. My wife and I recently found my brothers girlfriend in our 3 year old daughters room. She refused to leave and was insisting her name was my daughters. We found out she is convinced she has Dissociative Identity Disorder, and one of her “alters” is my daughter. This is probably going to be my last update because we have since cut off all contact with her and my brother, and are in contact with the police. She refused to get inpatient psychiatric help willingly, but her family put her under a 5150. Long story short, she approached our child while she was at the park with the nanny. Luckily, the nanny knows about the situation and removed our daughter immediately, contacted the police, and then contacted us. She tried to tell our nanny that we had told her to pick up our daughter and take her to her grandmothers house. She waited until it was close to the end of our nanny’s shift to make it more believable. Luckily the nanny didn’t even engage with her. She just picked up our daughter and walked away, recording the entire incident to have proof. She ran after the nanny, telling our daughter “go ahead Avalyn, tell her you know me! We’re going to go to grandmas!” Her family told us that there’ll has never been I any abuse in the family. She has never claimed to them that she has DID, though they have long suspected she has histrionic personality disorder. My brother has not contacted us since this happened but my wife doesn’t want contact with him anyway, and I agree with her. Again, thanks for all of your advice and well wishes. Though she’s never allowed around my family again, I’m incredibly happy she’s getting the help she needs and hope her recovery and treatment go well for her, and I wish her the best. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **GotMySillySocksOn** >Mentally unwell people are unpredictable. Time for cameras, restraining orders, and a way to defend yourself and a way for the nanny to do so as well **OOP replied** >>We have cameras and have installed more after the first incident on the perimeter of our property as well as outside of our children’s rooms. We’re in the process of getting a restraining order though it doesn’t seem likely she’ll be leaving the inpatient facility any time soon. **FlipRoot** >>>Don’t trust that. They push people through those places quickly. And mentally ill people like that rarely stay on their meds. **OOP replied** >>>>We’re working on getting a restraining order as well. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My brothers (27m) girlfriend (26f) has an “alter” of my child

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16ll5mr/my_brothers_27m_girlfriend_26f_has_an_alter_of_my/

16ll605

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Sea\_Supermarket\_9728](https://www.reddit.com/user/Sea_Supermarket_9728/). They posted in r/pettyrevenge Another fairly light post for you. **Mood Spoiler:** >!entitled people just don't learn!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge/comments/1681v9l/the_neighbours_car/)**: September 2, 2023** My neighbours can act rather unneighbourly, especially when they are having a family get together. The backstory is They regularly party until 2 am Sunday through Monday, their guests park their cars awkwardly on the road so it’s difficult to manuver around them and they let their dogs crap on the community gardens without picking up. Annoying, but not a hill to die on. I also suspect that the dad is an alcoholic as I see him staggering up his drive most evenings. Recently he bought a bmw convertible. I have a ring camera that picks up a part of their drive (both film and sound). I can tell it’s his pride and joy by the way he throws out the stats on it when showing it off to visitors. Last night I went outside to take my bin to the end of the drive (ready for next day collection) and saw a key fob on the floor at end of our drive next to the neighbours bin. I glanced up his drive and saw the car top was down. So I just nudged the fob under his bin with my foot and went back inside my home. I went on my ring to see that the man had driven up his drive, struggled to get out of his car, dragged the bin to the bottom of his drive, then swaggered back, obviously drunk. He must’ve dropped his keys in the process. I chuckled and went to bed. Last night it rained. Hard. I left the house before the neighbour is outside, I can’t wait to check my ring camera footage later. **Update 1 (in comments of OG Post): Same day, 9 hours later** UPDATE1: (because i don’t know how to link). I’ll keep this short. I checked the bin when I got home and the keys were still hidden so I picked them up. The car was gone. So I looked at the ring camera recording and saw that the wife came out her house and walked down to her bin with a bag of rubbish about an hour after I left the house. She walked back up the drive, stopped at the car and leaned in (I’m assuming to check whether the car was damp), then rushed into the house. The next hour was essentially a lot of the husband and wife going in and out of the house, leaning into the car and screaming at each other. The wife kept screaming “you promised me!!” And the husband debating he did it. Then the husband came back out and tried to start the car (spare key?), started shouting profanities again when it wouldn’t start. He got on the phone to someone, explaining the damage and a few hours later a tow truck took the car away. It’s been silence since then. I have the key, not sure what I’m going to do with it yet, but I know I’m not going any where near them in the mood they were in. I’m imagining dropping the roof down next time he comes back drunk, so his wife can lose her #### at him again when she sees he’s done it again. ***Relevant Comments:*** *You have an obligation to report this if you have evidence of him drunk driving:* "I contacted the non emergency police last year about the state he was driving and what I saw on my camera and they told me that the recording would be circumstantial evidence at best. I asked if someone could pick him up while he was driving home and they responded with they don’t have the resources to do that. It was a disappointing and frustrating conversation." *Throw the dog poop in the car with the top down:* "People have recommended that but I’m not sure whether the house has a camera as well (may not be a ring as I have never heard the tones). I like the idea of messing with his car without actually being caught on camera, so dropping the top or making the alarm go off can be done from a distance and be made to look like drunk husband accidentally did it himself when he parked up." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge/comments/16fs770/update_the_neighbours_car/)**: September 11, 2023 (9 days later)** Well the car is back. It’s sitting on neighbours drive with the top up. I haven’t seen the husband drunk and driving recently, but that may be because his wife seemed to be chauffeur at the moment. I was just going to throw the keys onto their drive so they could find them another day, but last night they had another family gathering and didn’t turn the music off until 4am. I watched the other neighbours knocking on their door, the cops called and then when everyone went away, they cranked the music back up. So now I’m going to wait until the next time he comes home drunk and it’s rainy night and I’m going to drop the top down using the fob.

Petty Neighbor Revenge

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16ll605/petty_neighbor_revenge/

16ll69g

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/SeaCan5697](https://www.reddit.com/user/SeaCan5697/). She posted in r/TwoHotTakes **Mood Spoiler:** >!cute as shit!< This is the same OOP as the one in the post u/Direct-Caterpillar77 made [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/151rik3/im_think_im_going_to_have_to_end_things_with_the/). TLDR's of that post (not directly related, but this has to do with their engagement) 1. TLDR: When my boyfriend and I started dating, I told him I didn't want kids and he said he was okay with it. Four years later, I found out that he's always wanted to be a dad from his family and now I'm thinking that I can't truly make him happy wanting to live a childfree live. So I need to have a conversation and I'm feeling terrible because there is a good chance that we might break up over this. 2. TLDR: Boyfriend assured me that he is happy not having kids and loves me. So we didn't break up and we are now engaged. **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15yafd1/i_feel_like_im_going_to_crack/)**: August 22, 2023** My fiancee and I recently got engaged not to long ago. While we were making plans (deciding on rings & so on), the proposal was very spontaneous and happened months before my fiancee had originally planned. I also originally planned to accept his proposal in his native language. However, due to events that led up to the proposal, I forgot. So I decided I would just keep taking classes + his brother or brother's wife will only converse with me in Polish when my fiancee isn't around. Then I would surprise my fiancee by giving my vows in Polish. The problem? My fiancee doesn't know I now understand a lot of the conversations he's having with his family and some of his friends because I have to pretend I don't understand. This has been going on for MONTHS even before he proposed. I feel like I'm invading his privacy. Cause now I know... He has been planning to surprise me with his originally planned proposal but now it's just an over the top engagement party. He once told his mom he missed her sauerkraut soup so - for the four almost five years we have been together - I make this dish a handful of times a year during fall/winter for him. I had called his mom up for the specific recipe too. Turns out HE HAS ALWAYS HATED IT. But it reminds him of home and his mom and sees how happy I get to make this for him...so he just eats it!!! Like I make a big pot only for him to eat and I don't like sauerkraut. Now it makes sense why he always sends half of it to his brother & SIL (who lives walking distance from us). He has been hiding my favorite candies around the house!!! For the last two years!!!! I will find my favorite candies in places I was surprised to find them in. Like a random drawer here. On a shelf there. Like I get sooo happy and will run to him in my excitement about these random candies I must've forgotten about. Nope. He just buys bags of them and will place them in spots randomly. He just loves how excited I get. I caught him telling his brother when his brother found one of them going through one of our kitchen drawer. His brother thought the whole situation was hilarious cause he's in on the fact that I understood the whole exchange. He has my period in his calendar so that he can be extra mindful + get me my favorite things during the week to help keep my mood up. He has always known that I lied about being a morning person. I said that when we first started dating because he always went to the gym in the morning and would invite me to go with him. Four/five years later, we still go to the gym together and - while getting up at 5am is still a pain for me - it's worth spending that extra time with him especially since we are both busy people. Turns out if I fall asleep before him, he has trouble sleeping. I snore (I have tried EVERYTHING). He has never once complained to me about it but I still use nasal strips & have a special pillow that I THOUGHT helped. However, apparently if I fall asleep after him, he can just sleep through it cause he's a heavy sleeper. So now I make it a point to sleepafter him. He hasn't caught on yet I think. The last thing is something that he has told anyone who will listen. His parents. His uncles. His aunts. His brother. His brother's wife. His friends in Poland. Anyone and everyone who speaks Polish. If I'm in the room and he's on the phone with them, he will always look at me with a crazy big smile and tell them that he cannot wait to marry me. Ugh. I love the man so much. I don't think I can keep this charade up for a year (we are planning for a 2024 wedding). I am not good at pretending. I can't keep hiding my face or running out of the room when he is talking to family/friends. And my birthday will be coming up in a few months so I know he will be planning something and probably think it's safe to talk about it with some people in Polish. I'm going to crack soon. I can feel it. **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/16fx8or/update_i_feel_like_im_going_to_crack/)**: September 11, 2023 (3 weeks later)** I did end up cracking. My fiancee threw that surprise engagement party for us (that I found out about since I've been learning his native language). It was beautiful and sweet and he flew his family AND my family out to be there as well. We did a toast during the dinner portion of the party and I decided to do my portion of the toast in Polish (as suggested by a comment on my last post). I explained in my toast I wanted my learning Polish to be a surprise for the proposal but since that didn't work out, I wanted it to be a surprise for my wedding vows. However, I didn't count on the fact that I would be unintentionally eavesdropping on his conversations and what was supposed to be a surprise engagement party for me was spoiled by me. I also went on to talk about the sweet things I found out through my eavesdropping (excluding the bit about the sauerkraut soup because his mom was there & I will take that to my grave haha) and how it only further proved to me that I made the right choice by saying yes to his proposal. And that while I don't think anyone is ever really perfect, I do know that he is perfect for me. My Polish wasn't perfect and thankfully my FBIL translated everything to my side of the family (I asked him to early on). Now here comes the absolute shock of the year. I don't know if I mentioned this is any of my posts because there was no reason to at the time but I am mixed (black/latina). So a big chunk of my family speaks Spanish - myself included. Granted, I usually do speak English with my family and not often Spanish but my maternal grandparents (who were at the engagement party) do only speak Spanish. I'm pretty sure you know where I'm going with this... After I was done with my toast, I looked over at my fiancee who had tears in his eyes and he freaking responded to my toast IN SPANISH. Turns out he was learning Spanish for the last year and wanted to surprise me on our wedding day. While I don't speak Spanish as often as he speaks Polish so no secrets were spoiled on my end, he wanted me to know that he embraced every part of my life and just wanted to prove that to me by learning Spanish. There were a lot of laughs and tears shed and both our families made it a point to learn simple phrases in the others language so that was really cute to see. All in all, I'm still planning to do my vows in Polish and he plans to do his vows in Spanish & English (since half my family also only speaks English haha). I'm happy I'm not eavesdropping anymore because I did not enjoy invading his privacy despite the sweet things I did end up learning. So that's that. I'm just very excited to spend the rest of my life with this man.

I feel like I'm going to crack (AKA a cute story)

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16ll69g/i_feel_like_im_going_to_crack_aka_a_cute_story/

16ll873

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/kikibonn **My bf (28m) is in a self proclaimed clique with 3 others who've disinvited me from multiple holidays. Should I (28f) accept this?** **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole & r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Verbal abuse, gaslighting, manipulation!< [AITA (F28) for telling both parties I have an issue with my boyfriend's (M28) friend (F27) going to stay at his, after a night out, cause she's fallen out with her boyfriend.](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/uu002E2H6x) **May 12, 2023** I am in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend, and today we've had a really difficult day communicating due to me feeling quite depressed. He's been out drinking all day with 2 female friends and I've asked him if we can chat about a few important things when he gets home. He gets home about 10pm and is pretty wasted so we don't really get any where with out discussion. He then tells me around 11pm the 2 girls are heading over because one has just had a fight with her boyf. I ask him to ask them to go somewhere else as I really want to sort out our issues and he lies and says 'they probably won't turn up. 10 minutes later he says their at the door, but when I dig a little it's actually only one. They are friends but they do have a history he's aware I am not comfortable with them on a 1-1 when booze is involved. Not through lack of trust but more so I feel its disrespectful to me. He begins to hang up on me telling me I'm being irrational when I keep asking him to please respect my boundary. So I tell him if he won't listen to my boundary I will ask her (we went to school together and are reasonably friendly). He continues to give me verbal abuse telling me I'm irrational while she tells me how plutonic they are, but neither acknowledge the fact that as a long distance couple one thing I don't feel comfortable with is drunken sleepovers with old flings as I don't feel like we need the added stress and I know he would flip if I did. I have clearly laid out these boundaries to him in multiple prior conversations. AITA for messaging her when he ignored me? They've both ignored the request and are currently blanking me. Which feels just great **VERDICT: REMOVED BEFORE VERDICT RENDERED** **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Ok_Finance_5188** >How is that ‘reasonably probable”? She can afford to drink all day but can’t afford a cheap hotel? She has not one friend other than OPs bf she can stay with? OPs bf is too poor to give her money for a cheap hotel room? Not to mention the fact that you’re assuming the girl’s bf is abusive simply because they “had a fight.” There is nothing at all “probable” about your scenario. But I think it’s quite probable that OPs bf doesn’t understand reasonable relationship boundaries and will probably be an ex boyfriend soon. NTA. **OOP replied** >I really appreciate both points of view. I too was concerned about this, however she intentionally turned down a lift with her best friend (the other girl) to go to my bfs house instead. >These 2 have a history and her bf is already quite upset by her friendship with my bf. Also when I asked her I was very kind and reiterated it really wasn't her responsibility, it was his, but I hope she understood. [My bf (28m) is in a self proclaimed clique with 3 others who've disinvited me from multiple holidays. Should I (28f) accept this? - 4 months later](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/zJzod0vUas) **Sept 7, 2023** I would love to hear what people feel a fair compromise would be and also if I need to consider if my expectations are too high. For context the clique is my bf, 2 girls and 1 guy. I attended school with the girls and briefly dated my bf's male friend 6 years ago. They also have all gotten off with eachother in the past (kissing only/casually). My boyfriend and I began dating in December 2022, I've known him since childhood but we lost touch for over 15 years. At the beginning of the relationship I sensed negativity from this group of friends, but was reassured by all there was no issue. My boyfriend and myself also cleared things with his friend who I had dated who assured us there were no unresolved issues and that he was happy for us. Fast forward 3 months and they were drinking and book a holiday, my boyfriend initially invited me, but the group stated they didn't want it to be a 'couples holiday' and therefore didn't want me to go. His male friend at this point cited 'our history' as a reason why he felt uncomfortable. I reluctantly accepted this but assured my boyfriend I didn't think it appropriate for the past to be used like this in future as I felt we should all move forward and accept the present. This issue did cause a rift between myself and my boyfriend, affecting how secure I felt in the following months- as i wasn't sure how he would respond in future instances. Another trip was discussed and my bf said he would ask his friend not to exclude me, but a while after this conversation occurred his friend again messaged their group chat to request if it could be 'just friends'. By this point my boyfriend has not stood up for me re. this issue for many months and last week I became fed up of the atmosphere and messaged 2 of the friends asking why they kept covertly uninviting me. They both responded very defensively and the male again reiterated 'our history' as a relevent reason. He also stated the 4 of them have a 'special friendship' and time together as a 4 is 'valuable'. My boyfriend has seconded this, he said initially he would of liked us to get along (which we do) but that that's 'obviously not what they want' and despite my efforts they prefer it just being a just the four of them on holidays and trips. He also said he wouldn't be against supporting the exclusion of me on certain trips as 'you can't force them to want to spend time with you'. All I want is for us all to be mature, squash it and move on but it does feel like noone wants to do the same, it also feels like my past dating history is being unfairly used to justify this. I have no issues with him remaining friends with them I only take issue with the 'cliquey' nature and feel strongly that this can't really coexist healthily with our relationship. Im very comfortable with conflict resolution and would happily move past this but I sense these people aren't and won't want to. We are currently on a break while be both evaluate our boundaries, I know I shouldn't pass the blame onto his friends but it does aggravate me that their preferences are having such an impact on our relationship, and rather than ask them to reevaluate their position he finds it easier to blame me telling me 'your letting it ruin us'. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Athena_0204** >They are really a childish group and your bf is really no help. >Don't force yourself into that group dynamic (it doesn't sound like it would be fun or healthy for you). If I was in your position, I would develop friends and hobbies outside of him and his friend group. Take some trips without him. Don't make him the center of your life and don't give the stupid "friend" group the pleasure of knowing you are bothered. >You should also consider is he balanced in the amount if time he is spending with you and taking trips with you. If not, then have a discussion with him and decide if the relationship is worth the drama. Tldr;boyfriends friends exclude me from holidays and he wants me to accept this dynamic **OOP replied** >>That's the thing I generally don't have complaints about how he splits his time. We're long distance and I live in england for the most part and them in Ireland but myself and him visit back and forth. >>I just don't like the precedent that It's OK for me to be excluded from future trips from the get go. But at the same time, if he himself is saying 'I want it to only be the 4 of us', I don't know how to feel about that considering the way it's all happened, I'm torn between respecting his wishes/ignoring them or insisting on more respect **OOP GAVE ONE FINAL UPDATE IN THE COMMENTS** Thanks all, I really appreciate all the views given. I've explained my feelings to death and I've now walked away. I cannot maintain self respect while accepting a partner who harbours/encourages this type of exclusion and quite frankly bullying towards me. It's an extremely hard choice but needed one for my own sense of self and peace of mind. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My bf (28m) is in a self proclaimed clique with 3 others who've disinvited me from multiple holidays. Should I (28f) accept this?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16ll873/my_bf_28m_is_in_a_self_proclaimed_clique_with_3/

16lln4k

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Livid\_School\_5534](https://www.reddit.com/user/Livid_School_5534/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Mood Spoiler:** >!great parenting by mom!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/145ea8l/aita_for_telling_my_childs_fathers_new_wife_that/)**: June 9, 2023** My son will be a senior in high school this fall and we have been touring colleges. We toured a few this spring and plan to tour several out of state ones throughout the summer. The plan was for myself, my husband, and his father to do the tours together. We’ll be touring 4 schools, and he’s coming to 3 of them. Some background: my son’s father and I split up before our son was 6 months old. Soon after our relationship ended, I met my now husband and we got married when son was 3. My ex has been supportive of our relationship and thinks my husband is a great stepfather. Our coparenting relationship has been challenging at times but we’ve done just fine for the sake of our son. Last year, my ex eloped with this woman, Shelly (not her real name). They dated for only a year or so before marrying. I don’t know her too well since we’ve only met twice but I know she has three kids of her own, her oldest is about the same age as my son. My son dislikes her. He thinks Shelly is mentally unhinged, is way too involved in his personal business, and he blames her for being the reason he hasn’t been able to spend as much quality time with his father lately. Earlier this week, I was coordinating with my ex about the details of our next tour. Everything was great until he mentioned that Shelly would be coming along on all our tours. I asked why and if it was necessary that she tag along. He said that she just wanted to be supportive. I asked him if her daughter was looking at these schools too, since she’s also going to be a senior, and he said no. So why is she coming if her own child isn’t planning on attending those schools? I told him that our son should get a say in who comes to the tours and that I would ask him what he thought about Shelly joining us. After I got off the phone with my ex, I asked our son if he wanted Shelly to come with us. He immediately replied no and that he wasn’t comfortable with her coming. I told our son that he should speak with his father and let him know about what he thinks. Fast forward to last night, my ex calls and is furious that I would “get our son involved in this matter.” I replied that our son is the one touring the colleges and making decisions about his future, and he gets to decide who can come along. Not to mention, our son is almost an adult and at his age is more than capable of deciding who he wants in his life and to what extent. Son has been vocal to his father about his feelings about Shelly. He accepts that his father loves her but he doesn’t see her as family. So I told my ex that if he loves his son and wants to continue having a positive relationship with him, then he needs to respect his wishes and leave his wife at home. End of story. Ex replies that I’m an AH, Shelly cares about our son, and that he should be allowed to bring his wife with him whenever he chooses. Was I wrong? AITA? ***Relevant Comments:*** *Why would 3 adults need to go on these tours? Just take one to each but not Shelly* "You’re right, 3 adults is too much! So adding a 4th is…not ideal. What I didn’t include (because word limits) is that we have 4 tours, and ex is only going to 3 due to one being in conflict with a family wedding. My husband (son’s stepdad) isn’t going to one of them because of a business trip and might have to bail on another one. But it was son’s choice to have his stepdad there because a) he loves him like a dad and b) one of the schools were touring is his alma mater. So the breakdown is actually this: 1. Mom, Dad, Stepdad 2. Mom, Stepdad 3. Mom, Dad 4. Mom, Dad, Stepdad" *Why do you not like Shelly?* "I appreciate your NTA vote. But I never said that I disliked Shelly. I’ve only met her twice so I can’t say for sure how I personally feel about her. But my son dislikes her, and it’s enough for me to have some negative feelings about her. I’ve been completely neutral about Shelly around my son so I’m not stirring things up between anyone. If anything, I’ve been the one trying to smooth things over. But if my son doesn’t want a relationship with her, that’s his choice. I don’t see how her coming along would be a “bonding” experience since her presence makes him uncomfortable. And the only reason my husband is coming is because my son asked him to. My husband has been in my son’s life a long time and they have a strong bond so of course he gets to come and support our son." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update (Same Post): June 10, 2023 (Next Day)** First of all, thanks for the validation and the kind words some left. I’ve read nearly everything you all have left so thank you. I’d like to emphasize for anyone who may have missed it in my original post that my son has been the main one communicating his boundaries to his dad, not me. My son is 17 and more than capable of setting and enforcing his own boundaries. Also, since some expressed that it’s hypocritical for my husband to be there but not Shelly, let me reiterate that my son ASKED his stepdad to come along on the tours! And ex is fine with him being there and it was never an issue in the first place. There’s also a lot more to the story behind why my son doesn’t like Shelly that I couldn’t explain in my original post. If it was up to me, I’d like him to get to know her better but, I understand his reasons, and I honor them. I’m certainly not pitting him against her like some of you implied. I talked to my son late last night about his father being upset about him not wanting Shelly to come along. I told him that I fully respected his choice and reminded him that he can share this experience with whomever he wants. I encouraged him to talk to his dad again, explain his feelings about the situation, and I let him know that I was happy to step in if he needed me. I also added that if he ultimately decided that he wanted to go on these tours alone or with just one parent to avoid drama (which I communicated might be the best option but that’s just my opinion and he doesn’t need to consider it if he doesn’t want to) that that would be okay too. It’s his tours, and his decisions. So he called his dad this morning and calmly told him that he didn’t want Shelly coming along on any of the tours and explained his reasons, which mainly included needing time with his dad sans Shelly, and him not wanting an “entourage” accompanying him on his tours. “Five is a crowd, dad.” (I lol’d when he said that.) This time my ex was more receptive and told our son that he respected his feelings. But then he put son on the spot and told him he should to talk to Shelly directly about her not coming. He was not comfortable with that and requested that I step in and talk to both his dad and Shelly. So I got on the phone and repeated that this was our son’s decision. I didn’t say anything about son disliking Shelly or feeling uncomfortable around her, because that is beside the point. Shelly was clearly disappointed, and said she understood and only wanted an opportunity to bond with her new stepson. I replied that it was sweet of her to want to get to know him better but a college tour isn’t the time nor place. Overall, she seemed to be okay with it. We spoke for another minute or two and then she left the conversation and I talked to ex for a little while. I reiterated to him that ever since Shelly came into the picture, our son feels like he doesn’t get as much quality time with his dad anymore because either she’s there during their entire time together or he’s busy being a stepfather to her kids (son doesn’t have an issue with his step-siblings but also I want to make sure ex makes time for his own kid). I also explained to him that if Shelly not coming was going to be this big of a deal to him, then he shouldn’t come either. He said he understood where I was coming from and apologized for calling me an AH. I asked him if it was Shelly who was pushing this issue or if it was him. Based on his response, I got the sense that Shelly expressed an interest in going, was okay not going if that was really son’s decision, but my ex just really wants her to feel more like a part of his family so it’s a mix of him appeasing her but also wanting his son to get to know her better. So I gave him two choices: either he comes without Shelly and uses those opportunities to have special time with his son, or he doesn’t come to the tours and we find a weekend for him and son to spend one-on-one time but either way, Shelly isn’t going to be there because our son isn’t interested in a relationship with her right now and he shouldn’t force it onto him. He said he’d think about his choices. So all good there! I hope he decides to leave Shelly at home and come to whatever tours he can because I know how important it is to our son. ***Marked as ongoing in case we get any more info on how the tours went!***

AITA for telling my child’s father’s new wife that she can’t come with us on our son’s college tours?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16lln4k/aita_for_telling_my_childs_fathers_new_wife_that/

16llyhf

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/mistymoonbeam_ **Originally posted to** r/trueoffmychest **Thanks to** u/Direct-Caterpillar77 **for suggesting this to BoRU** **Saw sexually explicit texts on husband’s phone** trigger warnings: >!infidelity, manipulation!< &nbsp;     [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/168ps5o/saw_sexually_explicit_texts_on_husbands_phone/) \- **September 2, 2023** Hi. I’m posting here because I don’t know what else to do. I’m pretty sure my husband is cheating on me. He won’t admit to it but I don’t think I’m imagining anything. He left his phone near me on the arm of the couch and I saw some messages pop up from a person with a woman’s name, a woman I’ve never heard of, and the messages were not innocent whatsoever. He seemingly realized he had left the phone there and quickly came back from the other room and grabbed. I was nursing our daughter and our other children were near by. Inside I was exploding. All I could do was give him the dirtiest look and he was like “What?” I told him “You know what.” He said I was paranoid. So I stopped talking to him for the rest of the evening. Once the kids were in bed and we went into our bedroom and I closed to door and asked him what in fuck those messages were about. He said he didn’t know what I was talking about. I told him not to treat me like an idiot, I saw messages from a woman who clearly was not me talking about his cock! That’s the word she used. Why would any other woman be using that word innocently in a text message to my husband?! I asked to see his phone. Normally I’m not like that, but I had to see the messages and whatever else he’s hiding on his phone, pictures, videos. He refused to let me see his phone. I told him that tells me all I need to know then. He said no, he’s just not going to play this game with me. I’m now sleeping in another room for the night. For reference, I’m 35 and he’s 42. We’ve been married for 8 years and we have 4 kids, all girls. Our oldest is 6 and the youngest is alarmist a year. I’m deeply in love with him. He seemed to be deeply in love with me. I feel as giddy and as excited to be with him now as I did when we first met. I feel safe with him and this is the man I always dreamed of. Despite being together for 10 years, I can’t keep my hands off of him and he is the same with me. I’m attracted to him in every way. He’s a great dad, totally engaged and involved, loving, patient, protective, fun. He is into all of this “masculine” stuff but wow he’s the best girl dad and is truly their hero in their eyes. He didn’t know if he’d ever decided to pull the trigger on having a kid, but he says when he met me that changed and we decided to have one and see how it went. We enjoyed the experience so much we did it 3 more times. Despite saying we were done at 4, we’ve been talking about maybe one more. He has a job he’s very committed to. A very good job that supports our family. I had a full time career as well but I became a SAHM when our 3rd baby was born. His job requires travel several times a year, sometimes for extended times. I’ve had a few friends asked if I ever worried about the time apart and what he was getting up to. I never worried. He’s in constant communication with me, calls home to speak to our kids every night, and nothing ever seemed odd. The one thing that I now feel was weird is that there’d be an unfamiliar smell in his suitcase sometimes, sort of perfumed. The only thing I can figure is that he’s been cheating on me when he’s out of town. I don’t see when he’d be doing it at other times. I don’t know what to do now. He’s probably deleting everything that was on his phone now. I feel dizzy. I want to know every single detail about whatever it is he’s been doing. I don’t want to feel like an idiot that will just sit at home and remain the fool. This is my worst nightmare come true. I trusted him 110%. **Relevant Comments from OOP:** >**OP:** I should have known better. I knew my husband did his fair share of sleeping around BEFORE we were married, when he was in his 20s and early 30s. He was even engaged once before we met and he admitted to me that the relationship fell apart because they both cheated on each other, but they were young and dumb, in his words. > >He seemed to be done with all of that when we met. He was forthcoming about it, didn’t seem proud of some of the stuff he’d done, and seemed mature and like he wasn’t interested in sleeping around anymore. People that have known him for a long time, long before I ever met him, would make comments about how I tamed him. Maybe I should have been more cautious given this information but he never gave me any reason to believe he was interested in any of that anymore. He’s never given any indication that he’s not interested in me, even through 4 pregnancies in 7 years - if anything it’s like I felt like he just loved me more and more. I felt like our loves was just growing and becoming deeper and I never felt neglected by him in any way so I never suspected anything could he going on. > >I still don’t know exactly what’s going on and it’s driving me crazy. I just know that I didn’t imagine those texts. Based on what was said, it had to have been a physical thing. When somebody is saying they miss your cock what else could they mean??? &nbsp;    [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/16fmnyx/update_re_seeing_sexual_texts_on_my_husbands_phone/) \- **September 10, 2023 (Eight days later)** I recently posted about seeing sexually explicit texts on my husband’s phone. That’s all I saw before he snatched the phone from where it was sitting. I wasn’t going through his phone or snooping. It was just laying on the arm of the couch and I glanced over when I saw messages pop up. I definitely did not expect to see anything like that. He tried to tell me I was being paranoid, that nothing was going on. Believe me, I tried desperately to think of any innocent reason why I would have seen those texts pop up on his phone. It doesn’t take long to realize there is no innocent explanation. Luckily I followed some advice here and I logged into his forgotten iPad. He rarely ever uses it. I saw the texts that I had seen flash on his screen and a lot more than just that. It seems like after she sent him a message about 2 months ago he told her to not contact him again. He could have blocked her if he was serious about it, right? Eventually he started talking to her and their conversations have been going on pretty regularly since then and they’re almost entirely sexually explicit conversations. Where on earth did this lady come from? I doubt she randomly texted my husband’s number by chance. I confronted him with undeniable proof that I had seen messages and he eventually admitted it’s a woman he met while on a “business trip” and that they were only together a few times but then she started texting him. He slipped and said “Normally, I don’t give them my…” Then he realized hers he was saying. admitted to me that normally he doesn’t give random women he hooks up with his phone number. He didn’t say the full thing but that’s what he was about to say! He was flustered. He couldn’t believe I was smart enough to look at the iPad and that he hadn’t thought about that. He still won’t admit that there’s been anyone more than this one woman. He says he’s not in love with her, there’s no feelings, its just been flirting and sexting and he got carried away. I can’t just pack my bags and leave. I have 4 little kids. So I told him to leave, at least for now. I’m disgusted. He begged to stay and to fix things but I refused to talk to him. He’s staying at a hotel right now. I almost can’t function. I want to smash all of his belongings. One second I’m enraged and the next I’m sad and blaming myself. I know this sounds pathetic, but I don’t want to be a single mom of 4 kids under 7. I don’t want to be married to him right now either. **Relevant Comments from OOP:** >**OP:** I haven’t kicked him out. He’s not permanently moved to a hotel. Who could afford that? I told him I couldn’t look at him and I couldn’t be around him. He tried to convince me to let him stay here. I had to plead with him to please leave for a little while. Eventually he agreed. He didn’t happily pack his bags and leave the house. &nbsp;    **REMINDER - I AM NOT THE ORIGINAL POSTER.**

Saw sexually explicit texts on husband’s phone

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16llyhf/saw_sexually_explicit_texts_on_husbands_phone/

16ly46j

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/rkg990 in r/offmychest** trigger warnings: >!child neglect and emotional abuse!< mood spoilers: >!positive for OOP!< --- [**My Mom neglected me and ditched me for her new family so I decided to ditch her as well.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/1495qfu/my_mom_neglected_me_and_ditched_me_for_her_new/) - June 14, 2023 Little Background of myself i m19) was born: when My mom was 17 and my dad was 19. My dad has been in prison the majority of my life for nonviolent drug charges. My mom got married when I was 10 to my stepdad, just to clarify my mom and dad were never married they dated each-other and eventually hooked up and had me. My problems with my mom started when she got pregnant with my sister and then after she had my sister she got pregnant again and had my brother, and I became like a ghost she hardly paid attention to me. She neglected me emotionally, and I felt like I was unwanted in her life. I didn't matter anymore. As I grew up, I continued to try to get her to talk to me, but she was always busy. With my brother and sister, every family activity they did together, she always excluded me. It was always my stepdad and mom and my siblings except for me. Like I wasn't part of the family. This is how I came to my conclusion that my mom hates me or she dislikes me. As I mentioned before, I have two younger siblings aged 4 and 9. One day, my mom comes into my room; she's all dressed up and racing around, and I ask if she's going somewhere. She tells me no, and I go back to playing on my computer. No later than 15 minutes, I hear the garage door go up, so I race downstairs thinking, "What the heck?" Sure enough, my mom, stepdad, and my sister and brother are all dressed up and in the truck, and I'm standing outside, feeling really uncomfortable. The look she gave me as she jumped into the truck made me feel like I was interrupting her. There wasn't any "oh yeah sorry," it was just a look of absolute disgust. I don't cry very easily, but something about the whole thing really got to me, and I went back inside and cried a bit but then got over it. Wasn't the first time. She texts me 10 minutes later telling me they're just going to the park. I don't respond because I would've just worked myself up again. Fast forward, they get home, I was eating dinner, and my nine-year-old sister rushes in after my mom super excited to tell me about everything they had done. They hadn't gone to the park. My mom had lied to me, saying they went to the park when they'd actually gone to Dave N Busters, they also went to get milkshakes, and went shopping. I was visibly crushed by it, and my little sister noticed I had gotten upset. I could tell my mom was about to start making excuses and making the circumstances my fault so to keep my little sister and brother from seeing that I excused myself to my room quietly. It super sucks. I've been trying so hard to be a good son despite the selfishness of my mother and her chaotically selfish ways have on me, but once I realized that shit isn't normal, I started questioning our relationship. That we once had I didn't see any safe way out without ending up on the streets broke (19 years old unemployed btw) so I joined the Army. It was spur of the moment, and she still doesn't know. I can handle it and it's the first decision I've actually made on my own. I cannot tell you how excited I am for BCT soon. Sorry everyone I just wanted to get this off my chest and share my story. Edit: I would like people to know that I don't hate my brother and sister, I Like my brother and sister they also like me I have good memories of spending time with them. At this point they're the only thing that i consider family and I hope they understand why I moved away I hope that when I come back from the army they will still see me as their big brother. I would also like people to know that my grandparents from my mom's side of the family passed away already and my grandparents from my bio dad side of the family also passed away my grandmother passed away 2 years after I was born And my grandfather passed away when my dad was 15 years old. My bio dad is the only child they had, My mom only has one sister and she's married with three kids her kids are around the same age as me. And she and her husband live paycheck to paycheck and I don't want to be a burden to them that's why I never went to live with them. I'll keep you guys updated for now that's all. I have seen some of the comments below thank you everyone for the love and support. Again thank you all 🙏 [**Hello everyone quick update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/14c9p3z/hello_everyone_quick_update/) - June 18, 2023 Not much has happened i been busy moving my stuff out. You guys, told me not to say anything to her about me living but I find that really hard to do because my sister is outspoken. Everything she hears and sees she tells, so i decided to tell my sister I'll be living for a job, that I was offered I am going to tell my mom the same-thing if she asks. If you guys have any better suggestions or ideas on how to deal with these situation, am all ears. My mom didn't see me moving my stuff out but she did notice some of my things missing and asked about them, I told her I sold some of my things to make some quick cash. I just got a little bit left to move out and I'll be done moving my things. Just in case y'all were wondering Where i left my stuff i asked a friend if I can leave my stuff at her house she said yes. Some of you are probably wondering when am leaving for the army. It's on the 23 this Friday, some of you also ask why the army and not the navy or marines or air force. My friend who let me leave my things at her house has a Grandpa. who was in the army and he convinced me to join the army. But if things don't work out for myself in the army I am going to join the navy or air force or marines. Thanks everyone I'll keep you guys updated if [**Hey guys back again with another update.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/14dsxz3/hey_guys_back_again_with_another_update/) - June 20, 2023 Today my bio dad called me and said that he got out of prison 2-weeks ago, he's living in his parents house. My grandparents when they passed away they left their house to my dad. So i went to see him We had a good, conversation he apologized for not being there for me, i told him if he's truly sorry for not being there for me. He should make up for it by being there for me now, he told me he was going to try his best to be there for me and that he got a job in construction. I told him I was going to the army And he broke down in tears and told me he was proud of me i couldn't help it and cry as well it was a very emotional moment. I told him because he hasn't been there all my life I'm not going to call him dad just because he's my bio dad. I'm going to call him by his name if he wants me to call him dad he has to earn it he told me, that is fine. I plan on going back tomorrow and be there for a while with him of course it's going to be after he gets out of work. [**This is my last post for a while**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/14hb2au/this_is_my_last_post_for_a_while/) - June 24, 2023 Hello everyone 🤗, this is going to be my last post for a while. I am already ready to go; I am here in my biological father's house. My mom doesn't know I am leaving for the army; the only thing she knows is that I moved out of her house and am staying with my biological father. I left a note telling her everything about how she has treated me, except for the fact that I am going to the army. I am going to call an Uber to take me to the station where I am going to get picked up by a bus and then take me to the army. My bio dad is paying for the Uber in case y'all are wondering. Also, I would like people to know that I forgave my bio dad for not being there for me, but I also told him that just because I forgave him doesn't mean I'm going to call him dad; he has to earn it. So I started calling him by his first name, Matthew. Yes, that's his real name. I could see it in his eyes when I called him by his first name that he was hurt by it, but he accepted the fact that he wasn't there for me growing up. And these are the consequences, but I also told him I'd give him an opportunity to redeem himself. Let's see if he really is sorry and regrets not being there for me. I don't know if my mom has read the letter because I'm not there to see her reaction. I did talk to my sister who's 10 years old about me moving out because I got a job she was sad but she said are you going to come and visit us I told her yes when I have the time she was 9 before but she's now 10 this past weekend it was her birthday. My little brother is still too young to understand things so I didn't tell him anything he's only 4 after all. That's all for now thank you guys for everything. Thanks 🙏 for listening to my pathetic life. I'll make sure to keep you guys updated if I have the time to post. **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My Mom neglected me and ditched me for her new family so I decided to ditch her as well.

ONGOING

Appropriate-Wafer849

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16ly46j/my_mom_neglected_me_and_ditched_me_for_her_new/

16m8o6u

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/youngdad_sucks **in** r/parenting **and** r/offmychest **trigger warning:** >!forced marriage, parental abandonment!< **mood spoiler:** >!wholesome!< **Thanks to** u/ihtsp **for finding this update** **New updates from comments start from 7th April 2023** **New post from 11th September 2023** **Original BoRU is** [**here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zkgxya/i_16m_have_a_4month_old_daughter_ex_gf_wants_to/) **posted by** u/toohottooheavy &#x200B; [**I 16(M) have a 4month old daughter - ex gf wants to go to College and I am worried**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/q18swu/i_16m_have_a_4month_old_daughter_ex_gf_wants_to/) **- 4 October 2021** Before anyone says anything - yes I knew about condoms. I was just dumb. Story time. My parents divorced when I was 10 but lived primarily with my mom. Tiffany's (16) parents are together. When our parents found out she was pregnant her parents kicked her out and my mom kicked me out. So now we live with my Dad. During the pregnancy my Dad took my mom to court and got primary sole custody - I know what this means because I had to go to court for my daughter. He sued Tiffany's parents for legal guardianship and they now pay child support for her and they are pissed and refuse to talk to us. I am in my bedroom and my daughter is in her bedroom and my ex is in the "guest room" that is now hers. My dad made a deal with us. We live with him until 18 with no rent payment at 18 we need to decide what it is we do. I wasnt really that good in school and Tiffany is an A student. So I took my GED and my dad got me into Welding school. I finish in 2 months. I also work full time so I do welding school at night. Tiffany goes to school and works on the weekends at Wendy's. This whole thing is a huge ordeal. We literally have no life. My dad helps but not that much because he feels its our responsibility which I agree but still sucks. I work 6 am - 3 pm at a warehouse and go to school from 6 pm to 10 pm. Tiffany is home by 230 and picks up our daughter from daycare. WE help each other a lot and then I head off to school and she stays with her at home until I get home and do it all over again day after day. When our daughter was born my dad made us go to court, we have 50/50 and I dont pay child support because she lives with us. Because I work full time I can get healthcare for my daughter and myself and that sucks it costs me 300 dollars a month and daycare is 400 a week. Literally Tiffany works just so we can pay for daycare and I pay for everything else. When we are short for cash my dad will help because he sees we are trying. My dad has been our rock. When we are tired and exhausted he will step in and give us a break here and there, but he makes sure we have everything we need and keeps us motivated. Tiffany wants to apply to college soon and I am worried because I dont want to keep living with her and I dont think I can keep our daughter full time as a welder working 12 hour shifts. But she says she will start at community college and work but wants to stay with us living together since its easier. Since I will be working and it will be best for us to stay with my dad. But my dad said at 18 we have to pay rent. She doesnt mind but I dont want to keep living with her because we arent together. I am unsure how to tell her this. My dad thinks she should stay with us as long as she is a full time student to finish her degree because i am already getting my career. I just feel that all this is unfair because the burden is on me. I guess I am ranting because I am scared and unsure of what all this means. **Edit:** I guess my thing about her living with us is that we are more like siblings now. We get along and joke and stuff but since she is my ex I feel weirded out by it. Maybe I need to take a breather since everyone is saying its a good thing. Also I needed to hear it from other people and not just my dad and he is pretty solid and i should thank him maybe take him for dinner or something. **2nd Edit:** My dad isnt kicking us out at 18, but he wants us to be realistic to the world and pay bills. The money he gets from Tiffany's parents he just gives it to her, she is saving up money for a car and uses other money for her specific foods and clothes. Before i became a dad my dad always wanted me to live with him at 18 and figure it out and stay with him and save money to buy a house. When he found out I was going to be a dad he wasnt mad but disappointed and said everything has to change. He also is paying for my welding school of 20k and he bought me my car but I do have to pay my own insurance. He does help as long as he sees we are trying and not being lazy. When school recently started he took my daughter to daycare every morning and helped Tiffany with a routine to get school work done. **Final edit:** I have to get to class now. Tiffany wants to be a nurse or PA but the college told her nursing school is hard to get into and its best to have a high school diploma which is why she is still in high school and working the weekends. But someone mentioned a dual thing for community college and we will look into that. So we couldnt get daycare assistance because we are minors and they used my dad's salary. The funny thing is I cant open a checking account for myself because i am a minor but the bank allowed me to open a childrens account for my daughter because I am her parent lol the irony. I read every single comment and its given me a different POV and I guess college seems so far and I was counting years but its really not that bad she is like a sister now and those who asked I doubt we will get back together honestly I am not thinking about anything like that right now I am too tired to think of a relationship or that type of future. &#x200B; [**UPDATE:I 16(M) have a 4month old daughter - ex gf wants to go to College**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/qfj89j/updatei_16m_have_a_4month_old_daughter_ex_gf/) **- 25 October 2021** Idk why I feel like I need to update but here it goes, Tiff and my dad went to the school and were able to get her enrolled in college courses because of her grades. She wont graduate H.S way too fast but she will have enough to finish h.s hours by next December so 6 months early. She reapplied for assistance we got a voucher for daycare so now its 50 dollars a week. She quit her job so she can focus on school but she doesnt start college until spring so thats cool it gives her some time. She still wants to be a nurse so thats cool too. I got a new job that pays more as a forklift operator and will give me an internship for welding which I wont be able to start until november/december until i finish my classes and then i have to do a 2 month internship but they are paying me really good. I started Monday. My dad and I had a long talk about my fears and he reassured me that its ok to be scared but we have a game plan. He is fixing up the basement to make 2 bedrooms and a living room like a little apartment because he said Tiff and I will need space as we grow. He wants me to buy the house when i am 18 like he did with his parents and he will help me pay it as long as Tiff gets to stay until she finishes college and let her make her own choice. We all agreed this is the best option and we are all really much happier now. I guess I just needed to let it out. Tiff and I are great while being parents is hard but its been good now that we feel a bit more secure. My mom and Tiffs parents still havent spoken to us because we arent married. Which does make me sad but its ok we have my dad - Tiff's grandparents bought her a car and said thats all they can do for her and not to contact them again until we are married. The car needs some work but I am going to pay for it to fix it up. It needs brakes, suspension and some regular maintenance. My dad finally told me what all happened and I didnt know but it made me open my eyes to all of this. My dad met my mom in H.S too and they were together and got caught kissing. Since my mom's family are Baptist they forced my dad to marry her. I didnt know in Missouri parents can marry their kids at 15 which is why my dad has been so protective. They were going to marry Tiff and I because she was pregnant and when my dad stepped in they couldnt do it. My mom and Tiffs dad went and got a license for us and were going to marry us in their church. I guess I wouldnt have minded marrying Tiff but I would rather do it later. But yeah thats why they arent talking to us. My dad did say if that happened he would helped us get it anulled but we have no intentions of speaking to them right now. He explained that Tiff is stuck and while I might be afraid she is even more afraid because she has no one and I need to reassure her we are here for her as a family. I guess I couldnt see it that way and its good that I talked to him. I hugged my dad and i have been hugging him every day now and its nice its made us closer. All of this information made me pretty sad and grateful at the same time and it helped Tiff and I really start talking more. Like we talked but we didnt talk and I didnt know she was scared too we are now doing days for us to be kids as my dad says. So we both hang out with our friends who still talk to us at least once a week and Tiff and I do a lot of stuff on the weekends now that she doesnt work. Like taking Jelly to the park and going for walks and we did a pumpkin patch. Jelly seems to be happier too and Tiff doesnt seem as tired anymore. anyway thanks everyone for the help, tips and encouragement. I doubt I will update again and just lurk for parenting advice. **Edit:** just want to say thanks for thinking I am a great dad but I dont believe it just yet. I depend a lot on my dad to help me. Tiff and I are trying we do take parenting classes that they offer us a lot of advice and we have made friends there which is nice. But I dont think we would be this prepared without my dad. Also Tiff is on WIC and we take parenting and co-parenting classes its my dads rules. &#x200B; \*\***New Updates start here\*\*** [**In a comment OOP Updates**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zkgxya/comment/jfddiop/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **- 7th April 2023** Holy Crap guys! I finally logged into Reddit and had tons of messages and I found this post! I honestly just didnt expect this. I might as well make an update! Well Tiff and I are 18 now! I first made my post 2 years ago and Jelly is 2 years old as well. My dad is doing really good now, he FINALLY has a girlfriend and of course he met her at Tiff's community college she is an admissions counselor. Tiff is in CC for nursing and killing it! she will have her associates in nursing and then head over for her bachelors at some point but yeah she doing really good. I am a welder now and I make pretty good money. Tiff and I are back together we started dating again this new years when she kissed me and it just felt right. But she made it very clear we are dating so she is in the basement which we fixed up and I am in my room upstairs and she makes me text her if its ok to come over haha its just a funny thing we do. Yeah I am going to marry her. We go to family counseling 4 times a month 2 weeks virtual and 2 weeks in office because of our schedule we found that this helps us its like couples counseling but not. I am not the best communicator and this has helped me with stressful times with Tiff and Jelly. I feel like I aged the past 2 years. I definitely dont feel 18 I feel a bit older. Jelly is the most happiest kid and she literally lights up a room and I honestly just cant imagine not being in her life every second of the day. She loves Pa (thats what she calls my dad). She has him wrapped around his finger he literally spoils her all the time. I really love being a dad to her. I love taking naps with her and how she is just a daddy's girl, she literally is my shadow. It drives Tiff crazy but she is also really happy. We do go out on dates to like dinner and movies sometimes we just sit in the car and talk and laugh, mostly laugh. My dad has changed a lot and us 4 are really really close he is so much happier and I think his gf makes him happy like made him alive again. He's always doing some weird teaching moments like if Tiff is irritated and walks away he will just say. Well an irritated woman tends to shop to get her mind off things... can you afford that? LOL so yeah he is constantly with his little comments. I havent spoken to my mother at all and I have no intentions of doing so. Tiff's parents did come back and try to build a relationship with her but they always made her feel like shit so she cut contact with them. My dad still wants us to buy the house and I told him we have no plans on ever moving out! so I told him I will buy the house when either I am 30 or when Tiff and I get married and she said not until she graduates and gets a job. So no wedding bells for at least another 2 years. If you ask Tiff she says she doesnt plan on getting married until she is 28 so it might be longer haha. &#x200B; [**Another small update in the comments**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12tlh1w/comment/jh3l1bk/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **- 24th April 2023** >He\[Dad\] explained that Tiff is stuck and while I might be afraid she is even more afraid because she has no one and I need to reassure her we are here for her as a family. Most-excellent dad. tbh this was the statement that made me wake up. At that time I just saw everything as a burden, I lived off of adrenaline and honestly the moment she said she was pregnant until I made that post everything was a blur. I was scared and just really confused about life. I was tired and I couldnt think everything was a fog. Tiff and I talked a lot about how regardless of whatever happens in our future she is my family, we are a family. Being 16 I wanted to just be with my family, my mom walked away and it was just me and my dad and a baby and now a gf. I know that sounds selfish but that is how I was thinking and really overwhelmed. With therapy and my dad it really helped me I wouldnt say get over but really find my own voice and be myself and actually use my words. I just bottled everything in and when my dad said that it really did break through to me. \*\***New Post\*\*** [**My Dad's gf is pregnant, my dad doesnt know and she doesnt know he is going to propose and I am so happy and I need to get it off my chest before I explode and accidentally tell them.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/16g4s6h/my_dads_gf_is_pregnant_my_dad_doesnt_know_and_she/) **- 11th September 2023** My Dad (38) has been trusting me to not spill the beans that he is going to propose to his gf (33) lets call her Kay on his bday in 2 weeks! I helped pick up the ring when it was ready and have been hiding it for a month! But Kay spent the weekend with us and was acting very "moody" I dont want to make it sound bad because its not, but she usually is an early riser and very bubbly but this weekend she seemed very tired and different. I heard my dad yell down to the basement "we will be back" I yelled back ok. I went upstairs to get some snacks out of boredom and went into the guest bathroom not thinking anything about the door being closed and she was there staring at a pregnancy test. We locked eyes and I immediately shut the door. I waited for her to come out or say something but then I heard her crying and I knocked and opened the door and she looked at me and said she's pregnant and started sobbing. My 1st reaction was to yell for joy and then reality hit. I am 18 and my dad will be starting over and I have a daughter and my dad is a grandpa already. She asked me to keep it a secret and she believes she is about 9 wks pregnant she would have to check but yeah. I am finally going to be a big brother! I cant tell him and I cant tell her of the all around great news! I told her to wait until his bday because he would love it. I know my dad, he is going to be estatic probably scared but definitely excited. My dad has helped me become a pretty good father and even a good partner to my gf, hes an awesome dad and grandpa, now we both get to be Dads together. I cant wait to tell him (um did you check the baby's diaper LOL). Sorry had to get this off my chest. I cant tell my gf, my dad or my future step mom AHHHHH. **Edit** Lets clear the air. She is happy to be pregnant and overwhelmed, she was sobbing because she didn't think it could happen because she was with her ex for 6 years and never got pregnant. Also, yes, I am 18 almost 19 with a 2.5 y/o daughter, and my GF and I live in basement of my dad's house. **Update** I survived dinner and Kay brought up a baby and my dad laughed saying oh man that would be awesome but it's not in our cards (this is because Kay believed she couldnt have babies) and mentioned maybe adoption or more grandkids. Sidenote he will have to wait a long time for more grandkids, I learned my lesson. We discussed my Dad's bday and Kay's mom is going to make his favorite dish Enchiladas and its going to be at the house after we convinced my dad to have a small party with Kay's, parents and siblings, us and a few of his close friends. She thinks she is going to surprise him and he is thinking he won by having her family here. I feel like this is going so well and I will update everyone when it happens but I do appreciate the forum to express myself. I am not on Reddit very often as I am switching from 4 10's to 2nd shift and in training of 2nd shift stuff. &#x200B; **Comments** *Please please please come back in two weeks so we can all scream in happiness with you again!!* >I think I am going to have to work OT a lot the next couple of weeks or like limit contact because I cant stop smiling and my heart is pounding. I just hope she waits until his bday because I dont want her to think he is proposing because she is pregnant. idk why that is a thought of mine but like I just want them to be happy and surprised together. *Suggest that she waits, but don't tell her why. :)* >oh yeah I word vomited when she said shes pregnant, that he would think this is the best bday present ever! she just smiled and hugged me. Now that we are texting, I am just saying she has to wait he bday is literally 2 weeks from today and he took the day off (he always does). I told her to go to the doctor 1st and make sure everything is ok. Get an ultrasound and a frame and all that. I just know we are all going to be crying and hugging and more than likely he is going to play punch me about keeping secrets. *18-year old dad gives 33-year old woman advice about first stage of pregnancy...that is so cute.* &#x200B; *This is wonderful! But, why was she crying? Was she not happy about the pregnancy test results? Were those worry tears? Happy tears? I truly wish the best for you and your dad and (hopefully) future stepmom!* >So thank you for reminding me I have been texting her from the basement. She is really happy and they were happy tears and she just wasnt expecting it. Its her 1st so she is overwhelmed. I am too so I didnt think to ask! *Those is all just wonderful news! So much fun to know something so big planned on both sides. I bet it's almost painful not being able to say anything, but now your dad won't be the only one to give a surprise!* >you have no idea! like the proposal I feel like my gf and I knew it was coming. So when he told me he was going to propose to Kay I was excited and hugged him. When he asked me not to say anything I damn near cried from the pressure. How can he ask me to not say anything for 6 weeks?! I cant lie! I start to stutter and get nervous. > >Now this! how am I supposed to answer to my dad when he asks at Dinner tonight how was our day?! Me "uneventful" pffft. I might as well just say I dont feel good and hide in my room. &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

[New Update] I 16(M) have a 4month old daughter - ex gf wants to go to College and I am worried

NEW UPDATE

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16m8o6u/new_update_i_16m_have_a_4month_old_daughter_ex_gf/

16mgs57

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/\_walker123\_](https://www.reddit.com/user/_walker123_/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Mood Spoiler:** >!hopeful ending!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/140rnfs/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_parents_put_a_tracker/)**: June 4, 2023** Context. My (28F) life has not turned out the way I wanted it to. I still live at home with my parents, who are extremely controlling. All my friends have left the country and so I'm on my own a lot. Most of my time is spent at home, at work or going on solo walks. I don't drink. I don't go to the gym or play sports anymore. I don't have hobbies outside the house. I haven't dated anyone for 7 years. All and all a very uninteresting life. My one solace is being outdoors in nature and walking. My parents aren't happy with this. They think women shouldn't go on walks by themselves as it is dangerous (in their words). I know it would be better to ease their concerns if I had someone to go on walks with but I don't. My mum has been trying to get me to put "Share My Location" on my phone with her for years. I understand that she worries about my safety. However, the big problem for me is I know it is not just about my safety. She'll use it to become my stalker. I know this because she has my Dad share his location with her and visa versa. She sits and stares at her screen and will say things like "Oh your father has just left tennis", "Oh your father has just arrived at work", "Oh your father is leaving the pub". Not that I've anything to hide, but it is the one boundary I've held on to and I have been so proud of myself for not caving. Today's Events. Today I decided that I'd take a trip up the coast and go for a walk along the sea. I told my parents about my plans (10:30am). My mum asked that I call her and keep in touch. Once I got there (2 pm), I called her and told her where I was. I also told her what walk and route I would be taking. I didn't tell her when I would be home (but she also didn't ask). I also didn't message to say I was on my way home. My parents were furious when I arrived back (8pm). My dad told my that I no longer had a say and that it was mandatory for me to have a tracker on my phone. I told him that I had done everything asked of me: I had called, explained where I was going etc. I also said they could have called me if they were concerned about my whereabouts. So as a result, I've been punished. The car that I drive is technically my dad's and so he has taken the keys away. He says that I can buy my own car or grant them access to my tracking information.They said they would never do this to me, hold the fact they bought the car over my head. Also, it makes no sense for me to buy a new car now. I'm at the final stage of a graduate recruitment process and if I am successful, I will be moving to London in September. However, I need to survive between now and then and without a car the little life I have is impossible. So, AITA for refusing to let them put a tracker on my phone when their concern is my safety? Edit: My dad hasn't told me that he has taken the keys. I've a work event today (day after post) and he plans for me to not find them when I need to go. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Your parents are incredibly toxic, but you may need to put up with this until you can get out:* "I am in my bedroom with my door closed and my dad just walked past and said "stupid bitch" at my door. Trying not to cry that my wonderful day has been ruined. It does feel toxic." *Can you take public transport?* "Yes I can but the public transport system here is not very good. My work is a 10 minute drive away but via public transport it would take me an hour. I do work from home most days though so that is something. I could also go to parks that are within walking distance for some outdoors." *Do you pay to live there?* "I only pay a nominal amount of £200 a month as per my dad's request. I do feel guilty about it as I know people normally give a lot more than that." *Does your dad know your mom stalks him?* "Yes, he does and doesn't seem to mind." *Do they pay for your phone?* "They don't pay for my phone! Though the car is theirs. Unfortunately the car I bought had an engine failure. I just couldn't afford to buy another car so this was the comprimise solution. I had actually been considering asking to buy the car from them but it now seems silly, especially with the London move potentially happening and this drama." ***OOP is voted NTA, with many people offering resources and tools for her to get out*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16h5wz8/update_aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_parents_put_a/)**: September 12, 2023 (3 months later)** Hi everyone! Quick update for anyone who is interested. Recap: My parents wanted to put a tracker on my (28F) phone "for my safety". I said no and was called a stupid bitch. Drama ensued. Original post [here](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/GiPGFE6Yfh). Update: Things were very frosty the next couple of days. My Mum eventually came to me and said that she was going to address the "elephant in the room". She said that she was very disappointed in me but, as I didn't care about her, she will just have to live without it (the tracker on my phone). I think she expected me to cave at that point but I didn't. I said "thank you for understanding" and that was it. The car keys were returned to the drawer and nothing more was said about it from anyone (including my Dad). To this day, I have no idea why the 180 degree flip happened. Although you all helped me realise that I have an unhealthy codependant relationship with my parents, I think it will just take time to set boundaries and learn how to be my own person. I still love them a lot and I know they love me too (even though we aren't the type of family that says so). Which leads me to my other news...I got the job in London! I have officially moved out and am living there now. It still feels surreal. I know it is going to take some time to get used to living independently but I am ready to be my own person and learn how to do things on my own. Honestly, I had given up hope that this day would ever come. I feel so much happier and can genuinely say I am proud of myself. If anyone has any tips for living away from home for the first time, please let me know! Finally, thank you for all your support and giving me the push I needed. I was in a very dark place and now feel like I can start living my life. Thank you. Small Edit: People are asking about the car / asking me to check it for trackers. To clarify, I didn't bring the car with me so can't check it. Probably for the best. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Put your parents on an information diet:* "So I am struggling with the "information diet" thing. I am so used to calling my mum multiple times a day about anything and everything. It feels like it is a habit and weird not to call them. So that's on me. I need to learn to be able to go longer without talking to them and not telling them everything about everything. But I am finding that hard right now." *That 180 degree flip probably happened because you stood your ground:* "Thank you! It was really hard to stand my ground. I do think that this is what happened, not that they put a tracker elsewhere as they aren't that tech savy (especially my mum lols)." *You said you have a codependent relationship with your parents, but don't downplay their toxicity. They're manipulative and weren't treating you well:* "It does look bad when written out like this tbh. I guess I'm just used to it."

AITA for refusing to let my parents put a tracker on my (28F) phone?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16mgs57/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_parents_put_a_tracker/

16mgs9s

**I'm still not the Original Poster. That is still** [u/Scared-Weakness-6250](https://www.reddit.com/user/Scared-Weakness-6250/). He posted in r/AITA and his own page **New Update marked with \*\*\*\*\*** I removed some of the previous comments included in the last posts for brevity. You can find the most recent BORU [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16baa7d/new_update_aita_for_jumping_out_of_the_way_when/). **Mood Spoiler:** >!still frustrating!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/156xijb/aita_for_jumping_out_of_the_way_when_my_niece_and/?sort=old)**: July 22, 2023 (Removed from AITA, preserved in comments)** Happened today. My folks decided to host a barbeque because I guess that's what older people do. I declined because I really don't like my two sisters, their husbands or their kids (wife and I are child free). Mom then pressured the wife. Long story short, we went. By the time we arrived there were about 20 people there. My sisters and their husbands were already solidly buzzed. Drunk really. My mom was spending 100% of her time trying to keep the nieces & nephews (ages 7 to 11) more or less under control. My dad had strategically retreated to the whirlpool part of the pool with small cooler full of beers. Wife and I made small talk with miscellaneous people, ate food and had a frozen margarita. Sisters/BILs took turns criticizing us for being late, not being in our swimsuits and screwing up the vibe. Whatever. Typical suburban summer get together. About 45 minutes in two of the kids ran at one of the neighbor guests who was standing next to the pool and pushed her in. She was at the pool steps, stumbled in but didn't fall so only got half wet. She was clearly very unhappy about it but she didn't make a scene, just went over to where the parents were, grabbed their towels, dried herself off and left. Sisters and BILs thought it was all great fun. A bit later I was standing a few feet away from the pool chatting away with someone. I saw three of the kids running full tilt at me from the corner of my eye. Obviously I was next. Not that it's terribly difficult to outwit young kids but I just jumped out of their way at the last second. All three of them ran straight into the pool at full speed. Most of the other guests (including my wife and me) started laughing but their moms - who as I mentioned were pretty shitfaced - absolutely freaked out. Apparently two of the kids couldn't swim even though they were in swimsuits. Since I wasn't in swim gear I stepped back from the pool and let other people fish the kids out. The kids were bawling their heads off like they'd lost a limb. At that point all hell broke loose. The four drunk parents were yelling at everyone in general and me in particular for "nearly letting their kids drown" and also because two of the kids had been videoing the trick using their parents' iPhones, which were now at the bottom of the pool. One of my BILs got into the pool to try to retrieve the phones but his BMI and BAC made that impossible. No one else volunteered to help, unsurprising given that my sisters were still bitching at everyone. I told my sisters it was their job to watch the their kids and that if anything had happened to them it would have been their responsibility not mine. There were some pretty strong words on both sides. Wife and I left after the other BIL fell over and face planted while yelling at us. Now they're saying I should have let the little shits knock me into the pool and have their fun (and ruin my phone). So... AITA? Side note: Dad, of course, never got out of the whirlpool. ***Relevant Comments:*** *More about why OOP doesn't care for some of his family:* "It's more of an oil and water sort of thing. I've never been close to my sisters, they're 8 and 10 years older than me. I also don't have much in common with their husbands. They're OK guys but I just don't give a crap about the things that are important to them and vice versa. I do know that the four of them are somewhat envious of our lifestyle. Both the sisters are stay at home moms. Both the husbands make good money - one makes noticeably more than I do - but both my wife and I have professional careers, we don't have kids and we're way more responsible with money. As a result we have a lot more investments, etc. and we don't have to drive cars full of kid debris and we take nice trips once or twice a year. It definitely grates on both sisters and by extension their husbands. So we get some petty behavior from them on an ongoing basis. Overall neither my wife nor I enjoy their company which is why I wanted to skip the get together. Just not worth it to me. But my wife is a positive person and is usually happy to see them." *Kids ok?* "The kids are fine, by the time I left they were inside watching TV. I think they're 7, 9, 10, 10, and 11. It was the middle three who played kamikaze with me. I'm guessing the 11 year old egged them on, she's usually the ringleader." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15u2n72/update_aita_for_jumping_out_of_the_way_when_my/)**: August 17, 2023 (Almost 1 month later)** First off, my folks tell me that my nieces and nephews are all good swimmers and that they use the pool all the time. The 7 year old is still a beginner but he loves the water. My sister just said they couldn't swim so I'd look bad. To be fair none of the kids are allowed in the deep end which is where they fell in. It was the two 10 year olds and the 9 year old who tried to push me into the pool. After we left the party ended on a pretty sour note. My drunk brother in law who face planted while yelling at me had to go to an urgent care place and get his face stitched up. He was too toasted to drive so Dad took him. Dad was very not happy about this. Late that evening my sisters started a group text and said some really nasty crap. Their husbands threw in a few comments as well. Wife and I blocked the four of them. My mom called me, she was pretty upset about what they said (she and dad were in the chat) and I don't blame her. Because of the texts my folks insisted my sisters / BILs come over the next day (Sunday) without their kids to "get some things straight and lay down some ground rules" (mom's wording). The result was a contrite if unenthusiastic apology from the siblings via my mom's phone. I'm glad my wife was with me when they called - her hard stares kept me from saying what I wanted to. I just told them thanks and that we felt no need to discuss it further. Since I thought things were settled I unblocked them. That evening I got a text from one of the BILs telling me the phones cost $XXXX and asking when I'd be paying for them. WTF??? I replied "Never", took a screenshot of his text and forwarded it to my folks with a note that we were done with this nonsense, were going no contact with sisters / spouses and not to invite us to any more holidays or get togethers if they'll be present. Then I blocked the sisters and their spouses again. At that point the shit really hit the fan. Dad called them and ripped them a new one. Among other things he told them the grandkids were not welcome at his place indefinitely. Since my mom regularly provides free babysitting that got them pretty rattled. He also banned them from using the vacation house and told them my wife and I actually own it, not he and mom. This completely freaked them out - both of my sisters' / families use the place a lot including having their friends up for weekend getaways. This was very much out of character for my folks. They'd clearly had it. And for reference, I never wanted my sisters to know we own the place. We bought it for my folks, they'd always wanted a place in the mountains. Keeping the ownership quiet was just a way to avoid drama with my siblings. A couple of days later my sisters and their husbands came to our place unannounced to apologize in person. We were were out to dinner and they left a note. One sister also called me at work too, I sent her to voicemail. We've decided being no contact is the best thing for the indefinite future and haven't interacted with them for the last 3+ weeks. Personally I'm done, they can go pound sand. ***Relevant Comments:*** *How life has been:* "It's been less than a month but I have to say that blocking them has actually made our lives noticeably more peaceful. I hadn't realized how much ongoing low level drama they create. It's not toxic, they're not bad people, they're just tiresome and petty. And I personally don't care about them using the weekend place. It's ours technically, but we bought it for my folks, they control it and decide who uses it when they aren't (we pay for all the operating costs and taxes). One good thing about this blow up is that we now know what we'll be doing with the property when my folks get older. I was prepared to take over managing it, allocating weekends, maintaining it and such, but now we know we'll just sell it and if we want to go to the mountains we'll just rent an Airbnb." *OOP's parents:* "Yeah, my folks aren't dumb. They're pretty laid back though, very much live and let live. I figure they'll ease up on all of this soon but that's their decision. We still won't be attending any family events for the foreseeable future. What sucks for my sisters is that they're probably very worried that I'll keep them from using the cabin (I won't, that's up to mom and dad until they are older). And it puts an end to one of the sisters' fantasy of building a "compound" of houses when "we" inherit the property, which I've known about for some time and had just ignored. Normally the lots up there are only have one area that can be built on, but this piece of property is way larger because it's at the end of a road. At least three houses with great views could be placed on that land." *One fun note on why OOP's post was removed from AITA:* "According to the message I just read from the other sub's moderator the violence was "Property damage". I still don't get it. The phones being ruined I guess? Ridiculous." **Update 2** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/Scared-Weakness-6250/comments/16266ru/update_2/)**: August 26, 2023 (9 days from previous post)** Update to the update (August 26, 2023, a week after the update): Well, it's been an interesting last few days. I thought the shit had hit the fan before but it was more of a fart compared to what's happened this week. For this to make sense I need to provide some financial context. My folks haven't ever been any good at saving money (I've been doing their taxes for years so I know pretty much everything about them moneywise). Their house is paid for and they have minimal debt but they didn't save much for retirement. Both of them get Social Security, dad gets a solid pension and they have a bit of savings but there's no treasure chest in the basement. I bought their current car for them after they retired a retirement present so they could have something nice to drive; it was the first car in probably 20 years they didn't lease. My sisters are convinced the folks are dripping with money and that our parents will be leaving the two of them everything since I don't need more money, so they've never cared about saving either. Turns out my oldest sister and her husband (they have three kids) have been living beyond their means for some time and are in financial straits. They've maxxed out their credit cards and are behind on their car leases to the point that one is about to get repossessed. He'd bragged in the past about making X per year but it turns out to be about half that. She confessed all this to mom on Tuesday because they need a loan and because (and this was a WTF moment for mom and dad) that for the last three years instead of staying at the vacation house regularly she's actually been renting it out once a month or so and pocketing the cash - we're talking $2000+ for a weekend and at least $4000 for a week. With her being cut off from using the place she's had to cancel one group already. She's now worried they'll lose everything. My folks aren't in any position to give them a loan. My other sister was aware of her renting out the place but of course hasn't ever said anything. I suspect she's done the same thing as well because I went up there once to drop off an ATV I'd had worked on and there was a family there who claimed to be staying there with my sister / her family and that they'd "gone to town for something". At the time I let it go - I figured she'd loaned out the house to some friends. But I've always wondered. I found all this out through my folks who are pretty stressed out about it, mom more than dad, he's mainly just pissed off about it all. I know dad feels betrayed. And I imagine he's embarrassed that he's in no position to help his daughter out. He did reiterate that as long as it's up to him the girls won't be using the vacation home anytime soon. My folks let me know what's going on because they figured my sisters would put a full court press on me next. And they were right. On Thursday my sisters came to our place again (without husbands this time) and waited outside the door until I got home. I had to choose between fighting with them in public, them making a scene if I went in without them or letting them in so I let them in. I got a bullshit story from the older sister with the younger one backing her up regarding why I needed to let them use the mountain place again immediately. They also said I've been a shitty brother and that I needed to "step up" and plan on paying for their kids' college tuitions since "that's what family does". I let them pitch their story then called them out based on what my folks had told me. Things went to shit from there. There was denial, crying, cursing, yelling, you name it. I swear my ears are still ringing two days later. Won't lie - I said some really mean and shitty things to them but nothing that wasn't true. They finally left after about an hour. After that I took a shower and laid down. When I got up my wife was home and her first words were that she'd had to block more phone numbers because my sisters were blowing up our phones from new ones. Folks messaged me yesterday asking me to call. I'm sure my sisters have told them some bullshit version of what happened but I'm not up to rehashing it yet. I'm usually a pretty energetic person but this drama has me beaten down. I had just enough energy today to drive up to the vacation house and padlock the entrance gate shut. I'm the only one with a key. I'm guessing that will be enough to ensure my siblings leave the place alone, they'd probably die trying to walk 400 yards uphill to get to the house. **\*\*\*\*\*NEW UPDATE** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/Scared-Weakness-6250/comments/16h06o1/update_3/)**: September 12, 2023 (2.5 weeks from last update)\*\*\*\*\*** September 12, 2023... Yet another update regarding the cluster f that is my extended family. Thought it might be time given what's gone on over the past two weeks. After my sisters came to my place my mom and dad told me they were done with managing the vacation home. Sounded like the sisters had been pressuring them to let them use the place again. Basically my folks handed the responsibility for place over to me and told me it was my problem from here on out. Up until then they'd kept track of who would be using it when and they'd taken care of routine maintenance, replacing worn out items, etc. In any case they decided they didn't want to be in the middle of all this crap. While I don't blame them I'm disappointed because the damn place was supposed to be something for them to enjoy and hang out in and they use it regularly. Plus I've never cared that they let my sisters and their families use it, because really I've always thought that was my parents' call even though I technically own it. But now my folks are going to be in the position of not having access without me being involved and that changes the whole dynamic of the place. I've taken several steps to secure the place. I already mentioned that I locked the gate, it has a heavy duty chain and the best lock I could find. I also did a full reset on all the door keypads and created all new codes. Security cameras got installed yesterday, which is actually pretty cool because the installer convinced me to put a high res one that looks out over the valley. The system cost me way more than I thought it would but the peace of mind is worth it. The installer also put up signs on the property saying the place was monitored by video. I also installed a heavy duty lockout for the water shutoff / drain valve. I hope to hell I don't lose the keys for it because if I do it's going to be a bear to try to remove. Haven't told anyone but my wife that the water is locked off and again, only we have the keys. Last week I got separate calls at my office from both of the husbands trying to convince me to let them use the house "like they always have". The older one had gone up with some friends for a guy's hangout but couldn't get in because of the gate lock. He was pretty pissed and embarrassed about being locked out, I'm sure he would have broken the lock if he could have. During his call he kept bouncing between pushy and victimhood. At one point he threatened to "rip that gate outta the goddamn ground". He also admitted they'd been renting it out to "a few friends", that they needed the money, I was ruining their "business" and that I should refund their guests' money (Me?? F that). I should have recorded the conversation with him but I don't know how to do that from an office phone anyway. The other BIL just sounded like he was being made to call by my sister, he didn't really put up a fight when I told him not to plan on ever using the place again. In any case I told them they can't use the place and not to ask again. At this point I'm considering selling the vacation home. Wife and I won't use it enough to justify keeping it and it's not like there's going to be any family get togethers there anytime soon. I mentioned selling it to my folks, their response was pretty much "whatever". I'd more than double my money by selling it, the place consists of three lots with killer views and is at the end of a private road. But I'll probably wait for a while to sell, doing so now would be an emotional decision. My sisters and I aren't currently speaking and I have no plans to initiate contact. I don't know what the status between them and my folks is and I don't want to. On the upside, we spent an evening with my folks last week, went to a new restaurant that was nice. No one brought up any of this crap. Mom did update us on the nieces and nephews, she's spending time with them at their homes. Sorry this update isn't full of laughs or owns, that's just life sometimes. ***Relevant Comments:*** *They seem very entitled/could you rent it out yourself and/or sue them for profits?* "I agree that my sisters and their families are very entitled. They're also in an extremely weak position in all of this. The place is a bit remote to rent as a long term home. Plus there are times during the winter the road is impassable, so staying there year round is pretty iffy. There are a couple of permanent residents on the road who are at a lower elevation and relatively close to the year round public road but even they have to hunker down or bug out a few times each winter. Regarding making it a vacation rental: doing so would be seen by my sisters as rubbing salt in the wound and would give them a reason to create more drama. And honestly we don't need the money. The place is paid for, it's in great shape, it doesn't cost much to keep the lights on, etc. I did think about lawyering up and covering them with paper. It wouldn't even cost me much, a good friend is a property law attorney. But again, doing so would escalate things and give them reason to create family drama. My primary goal at this point is to minimize my involvement with them and minimize any nonsense that causes my parents stress. I'm willing to take some short term flak and absorb some expenses like the camera system to keep things contained. It could blow up again but I suppose I'll drive off that bridge when I come to it. I don't think we'll sell right away if at all, it's more of a last resort / personal fantasy thought than anything else. There's a good chance that come holiday season my folks will reset and want to have the entire family there. Which is fine, we won't be going of course but I don't care if my parents have guests there. I intend to keep control of the place for the indefinite future though, which will be inconvenient at times because I'll be the only person with a gate key. But I can live with that." *On the audacity:* "Yeah, the renting thing... I just don't have words. One of the harsh-but-true things I told my sisters was that they had risked my property and stolen from me and that made them no better than common thieves. They're response was that our parents hadn't told them they couldn't so it was OK. I just can't think that way. Don't know about the spine but thanks. I think it's more that I just don't care that much for them and because of all this nonsense I'm now having trouble caring if they live or die. That might be unhealthy of me but I'm comfortable with my feelings. I agree about the arm's length thing too. We're staying no contact with them all for the indefinite future." *This is the calm before the storm. They'll try to guilt you again.* "Quite possibly. I know one thing for certain, I'll burn that place to the ground before my sister ever rents it out again. Financially I'm pretty certain my oldest sister (who was renting out the place regularly) is screwed. I know they're trying to take out a second mortgage but unless they can contain their spending that will be a stopgap at best. I admit I didn't realize until recently how much they and the other sister/BIL resented me over my financial situation, but I've figured out it's pretty intense. Honestly I thought both families were doing well, they drive new cars, have nice houses, everybody has all kinds of electronic gadgets, etc. But all that was smoke and mirrors, at least for the oldest sister. I'm finding it impossible to give a shit though. I should probably be more empathetic about all of this but the truth is I really don't care much about my sisters and their families. I don't feel any real bond to them, certainly nothing like I have with my folks or my in laws. Heck, I'm way closer to my wife's siblings than mine. In any case I don't care how my sisters live so long as it doesn't involve me." *Why not just sell it:* "My parents (dad in particular) love the area the house is in and it's close enough that they can drive there with minimal effort. I think they'd prefer I not sell it so they can continue to use it, which is fine with me. And they like getting everyone together so my sisters and their families will end up there. And really that's fine too, we're not going to be there, I hope they have a great time. But as to my sisters using the house again without my parents being there - never again." *Moving forward:* "Yes, this will probably be a long term issue for my siblings. But they can't harass me if we never speak again. All they can do is make my folks upset, and my parents are capable of dealing with that themselves. Eventually everyone will get used to the new reality of the house not being available. I'm going to find a property manager in the area who can unlock the main gate for me and do other routine stuff so I don't have to go up there when my folks want to use it. That will cost me less than the place being used by my sisters 3 out of 4 weekends (I pay all the bills) and the place will stay secure. And also yes, my oldest sister can get a job and/or they can cut back their lifestyle. They probably won't do so until they some massive reality check like getting their Suburban repossessed but that's their problem. We won't be helping them, my folks can't realistically do so. I'm having a hard time pretending to care one way or the other, like John Wayne said, "Life is hard. It's harder when you're stupid.""

Hey, it's a new update to: AITA for jumping out of the way when my niece and nephew tried to push me into a pool, resulting in them falling in?

NEW UPDATE

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16mgs9s/hey_its_a_new_update_to_aita_for_jumping_out_of/

16mgssu

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Any-2172](https://www.reddit.com/user/Any-2172/). She posted in r/AITAH **Mood Spoiler:** >!frustrating and bleak!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16eyzfc/aitah_for_telling_my_husband_that_if_he_doesnt/)**: September 10, 2023** I’m not someone who has ever wanted kids to start with. I knew I was unable to have children from a very young age due to a medical condition, and made peace with this long ago and it wasn’t difficult for me to. I have been married to my husband for 3 years now and absolutely adore his daughter, she’s a literal ray of sunshine joy. And he has been honest with me from day one that his daughter will always be his first priority, something that I actually admired about him. I also understood that he will never be able to leave her with her mother, because she has a drinking problem that can lead to violence. However, recently he started being very judge mental of everything me and his daughter do together. His daughter is now 7 years old and a few months ago fell during practice and fractured her arm. He was very worried about her and I was too, but he has always been very protective of her. When I told him that he should relax she’ll be alright and that he can’t control every aspect of her life as a way to comfort him, he told me that he’ll never be someone like my father. Something that really hurt me but I let it slide. After this incident he started throwing comments here and there about how I’m being careless with her, or how I’m not fit to be around her, or how I sometimes act so childish with her. A few days ago, I was going to pick her up from school but I was 15 minutes late due to a hold up at work, while he was out on a business trip. I felt that she was upset about waiting this long because she never had to wait this long before, but she didn’t complain I just felt it. She was not as upbeat as she usually was, so I decided to cancel my plans for the weekend and spend some time with her. With the promise that all studies will be done on Sunday, which almost always was the usual case. We had a what she called ‘girls only day till dad comes home’. Went shopping, ate out, had a Disney marathon, and spent sometime by the backyard pool. That was over the course of 2 days till my husband came back home. I told him what we did over the few days he was away, which I have of course mentioned over the phone when we talked or his daughter mentioned when he called her. Though, his reaction was not what I expected one bit. His first words to me was ‘do you think you can be a proper mother figure for once in your life’ a sentence that till now still bothers me and echos on my head. We had a big argument which ended with me saying that if he doesn’t see me as a proper mother figure to his daughter, he should send her to live with her real mother. I still feel bad about saying this, and I know that it will upset me to no end if he actually separated her from me. Because I have honestly grown very attached to her. Though still, I do not know if there is something I am not seeing or if there is something I fail to understand. Maybe I do not have the instinct to mother a child or I am not seeing it as a big of a responsibility as it should be. I just do not understand. AITAH. ***Relevant Comments:*** *What happened with the broken arm at practice and does he blame you?* "One of us was suppose to be there with her, as per usual whoever has time on their hands on Tuesday through Thursday nights will accompany her. But that time she had to go with one of her friend’s parent because both of us did not have any time. He had an important business event to attend so he couldn’t back out of it and I had a doctor’s appointment that couldn’t be postponed because the doctor was flying out of state for a while. Though I do not think he blames me, but he blames both of us for abandoning her." *Before you moved in together, did you talk about what role you would have in her life? What exactly was he mad about with the weekend?* "We agreed that she will live with us and on most weekends be with her grandmother, his mother. Also that during week days after school her grandmother will be with her till one of us is done with work and we can pick her up to go home. But my work started to integrate a hybrid working style, so I suggested that the days I’m working from home it’s not necessary to have her spend after school time at her grandparents’ house. I genuinely enjoy my time with her so it’s not a bother to me at all. About the weekend though, he mentioned that I’m acting so childish with her and it’s as if I’m a child myself, or that I’m not fit to be a mother figure that knows when to be strict and when to be lenient. That’s what he kept saying. It felt as if it was just criticism after criticism without me being able to pinpoint what he sees the issue is. And of course yes, it did bother him that I was late to pick her up." *Relationships with their parents:* "We both did not have the best relationships with our parents, which led to not having a parental figure to look up to. He was too attached to his father, but his father was always away. While his mother was always absent to their emotional needs, or that’s what I understood from how he used to describe her to me. For me, my father was more of the parent to spoil so you’ll love him even if it’s at the expense of your own good. Eventually he left when I was in my late teens and rarely called every now and then because he ‘cares’. All this led me to be really hateful towards my dad and close to my mother, even struggling financially for a while because he was really well off and refused to send me any money at the time. So maybe, he is scared that he’ll repeats the circle or something. It’s really exhausting to try and figure him out at this moment, when all he seems to do is just criticize everything I do." "The comment about my dad was said because my father was always the type to disappear when things get bad and reappear suddenly when everything is fixed. So he was the type to always say that no one needs to stress about anything and that my mom is making a big deal out of everything, and a year ago I was hospitalized for a week and my dad did not even call to check up on me except a couple of weeks after I was out and about. Saying that it was probably no big deal and I was over reacting. So the jab about my father I believe was about this situation." *Is he an absent father and could he be jealous?* "I wouldn’t define him as an absent parent, he is just so busy lately with his work as he recently got promoted. Also after her reluctance to spend all the time at her grandparents’ place, This all consequentially left me and her to spend more time together." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16gu025/update_aitah_for_telling_my_husband_that_if_he/)**: September 12, 2023 (2 days later)** First of all, thanks for everyone who commented and tried to help with any insight about this. I really appreciate it. This turned to be more of a rant than expected so sorry in advance. So the issue with his daughter has actually not been about the way I am with her, but a totally different thing. In short, he is not cheating on me but he thinks I might have cheated on him. There was someone in his ears and it’s his mother. Apparently mother in law didn’t like me from day one and I was stupidly oblivious to how deep it ran. Yes a part of me did not allow myself to be fully relaxed around her and I was kind of on guard because she was excessively nice at times, but I never imagined her dislike ran this deep. It was normal for her to call me names behind my back, say I’m not on their ‘level’, tell my husband that I’m using him for his money; even though till his latest promotion I was making more than him, and he always joked to mention Infront of his family that I was the bread winner. Now it makes sense why. Also I was told that Whenever my husband stood up for me, her response was ‘it’s not like she’ll be the mother of my grand child one day.’ It kind of makes sense now why she had a whole hissy fit when I miscarried the first year of my marriage, as I never went into details about my medical condition with her, I just mentioned I couldn’t have a child of my own. Another thing was last year’s Mother’s Day, my step daughter asked her grandma if she can get a gift to ‘mom’ (she refers to me by my first name and never have I heard her call me mom). Her grandmother went on to explain that she should never call me ‘mom’ because I’m not her actual mother I’m just ‘Mila’. This last thing specifically I fully believe because I remember it being around the time that my husband asked me ‘how would I feel if his daughter referred to me as mom’. Her latest scenario was telling everyone that it’s suspicious how sometimes, I ask her to baby sit my stepdaughter for a bit after school even though I’m working from home. Despite the fact that I ‘stole’ her time with her grand child. Yes there was a couple of months, I was so busy with a project that even watching over her while I worked from home was not even an option. I can only imagine how did she twist this. I knew all this from his brother’s wife, when she called me about a few hours ago because she knew I left home and am staying with my mom for a while. In her opinion I should not give MIL the satisfaction of sabotaging my marriage. I left home after we tried to have a decent conversation about what he viewed was problematic of last weekend. The conversation started great, ended horribly with him asking if I want a divorce because I’m not satisfied or happy with marrying him. Though after all of this and as of now, I’m starting to think if it’s all worth it? To be honest if I knew from day one that MIL talked about me like this, I wouldn’t have gone through with the marriage or even a relationship to start with. I feel like I was lied to in a way. I also do not understand why did my husband not talk to me about any of this. If it’s his way of keeping peace between me and his mother, then it’s not appreciated. I’m almost tempted to just call him and tell him that it’s either he cuts his mother off from our marriage or at the very least expect me to not have any relationship with her, or everyone should go on their separate way. My mind is currently working in overdrive and I probably won’t be able to even talk to him and come up with some sort of solution till my feelings are not clouding my thought pattern. ***Relevant Comments:*** *What did MIL say to make him think you cheated?* "What I know about what his mother is saying is all from his brother’s wife. So she told me what she knew because apparently his mother has done something similar at the beginning of her marriage, too. So from what she knows and I understood is that MIL always threw around how I’m probably unfaithful because I get bored fast and have no discipline. I do admit that I never held a job for more than a couple of years because I get bored and shifted careers a lot but that’s my career and I won’t have anyone who knows nothing about my work judge that. As for the working from home, I’m working in an advertising agency and I mostly am responsible for the part of branding for startups. So having a one on one meeting with a client at my home office is ‘suspicious’ for her specifically if I’m sending the little girl away to her. My husband never straight up accused me of cheating, but our last conversation he asked a questions like. Why are you always sending my little girl to my mom all of a sudden if you are the one that offered she can stay with you, what changed? Or what’s up with the sudden change of clothing style? Or since when do you get hold ups at work? Though recently he started wanting to know in specific who was the client that I was with, something I thought was fine because the house is also his private space; By specific I mean like name and how did it go and such. If all is true, it does hurt that he would believe his mother’s lies and made up stories than just talk. I’d rather be hurt that he tells me what his mother thinks of me than have him try to throw mean comments about something irrelevant to his actual worries in an attempt to escape having a conversation about the real issue." *Legit question- why are you meeting clients in your home instead of a Starbucks?* "Honestly, I haven’t thought about it being dangerous as the first initial meeting with the client is usually done in office by another department, so in my head it sounded safe. Though my only problem was that I didn’t like someone I don’t know to walk through the interior of my house till we reach my office, so I had a door leading from the side of the the backyard straight to my office. It may have been careless of me now that I think about it and I may have failed to see the potential danger, but I didn’t have my husband or any one really say anything about it. The way I looked at it was that it’s more convenient for me as the office is an hour’s drive, I also do not like working in a cafe or something so the option didn’t cross my mind." *Have you talked with him since speaking with your SIL?* "No I haven’t and don’t think I’m ready to talk to him, it’s draining. I’m trying to calm down before I do and think about what I want out of this. Because if he denies that this happened, I won’t know who to trust. And if I realize that he is lying to me, i know right now I’ll just snap." *How did your BIL get through this if it happened to SIL too? Could he help your husband?* "From what I understand and she told me, BIL kind of treated her the same way his wife was being treated then gave her an ultimatum. He also rarely visits her with his family except on holidays. SIL told me that if I wanted to talk to BIL about this and have him speak with his brother, he’ll be happy to help though they didn’t want to intervene before talking to me. But I’m still thinking if it’s best to take her on the offer or talk to my husband first myself." *Is there a chance he didn't tell you about his mother because he thought you wouldn't marry him?* "I don’t know. Maybe yes, because majority of people wouldn’t have gone through with a marriage knowing that the package with their husband is heavy to carry. Though it’s a thought that I’m trying not to ponder over a lot because now I’m here and married to him and love his daughter. I got used to the idea of us being a family and now I’m reevaluating everything about my marriage."

AITAH For telling my husband that if he doesn’t like the way I parent his kid, he should give her to her alcoholic mother.

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16mgssu/aitah_for_telling_my_husband_that_if_he_doesnt/

16mgu64

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/bogdaddy62234 **AITAH for breaking up with my GF who was SA?** **Originally posted to** r/TwoHotTakes **Thanks to u/czechtheboxes for bringing this to the discord BoRU** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Sexual assault, dealing with trauma!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/RbxjbftRKL) **Sept 6, 2023** My (32M) GF (24F) and I have been dating for about 2 years now. 4 months ago she started acting what I would call “weird” or different. She started ignoring my calls for a couple of days. For context, we don’t live together. I eventually went over to her house and she opened the door and looked like a wreck. Hair was a mess, face red and puffy, like she had been crying. I ask what’s wrong and she just kind of shut down. She eventually broke down crying more and said a co-worker of hers sexually assaulted her. He had attacked her during a photo shoot when nobody else was around and it was really shocking to hear. I immediately asked had she done a rape kit, been to the hospital, filed a police report, etc. and she said no that she wouldn’t do that. Again, I was shocked, I find out this happened the weekend prior and that she said she couldn’t possibly face him again, or go through a court process. I did everything possible to convince her otherwise, she eventually snapped at me and told me to leave. I initially refused, but she began screaming at me, so I left. I contemplated telling her parents, but I didn’t. I knew she wouldn’t of told them either. I’m hindsight, I probably should have, but I didn’t. I gave her the next 24 hours to herself before reaching back out. We talked more and met up, and I talked to her once again about filing, to which she denied. I told her then she would need therapy to help get over this trauma. A couple of weeks later she said she had begun speaking to someone about this. Now I don’t know who this person is, or if she even REALLY is going, but a month after the situation she seemed better. We were hanging out, laughing, having a good time again. Here’s where it gets a little rough. Our sexual life has obviously been non-existent. I get it, I understand why this is. One time I tried making a move and she legit flinched. Her eyes widened, I knew she wasn’t ready. She apologized, I apologized and that was that. This was almost 3 months ago. We are 4 months past her assault she’s been in therapy supposedly for 3 months and there is no sex period, not even fooling around. Sex is important in a relationship to me, I’ve tried talking to her about it & she just says that it’s “scary” for her and she gets flashbacks. I get that, I 100% do, but how long am I expected to wait with nothing at all? She doesn’t speak to me at all about therapy sessions, never talks about what happened outside of that day, and yet wants to have a normal relationship. I don’t see this as a normal relationship anymore. I’m not legally tied to her, so I’m thinking of just ending the relationship. I love her, but I have needs too. I just don’t want to seem like a complete ass leaving her. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **AmazingReserve9089** >Some would say not waiting until she initiated or said she might be ready was applying light force. Her apology instead of saying wtf are you doing what’s wrong with you is telling **OOP replied** >>Or she was just embarrassed for reacting like she did. If she was that upset she wouldn’t of made me dinner later that night. I understand what you’re trying to do, but you aren’t in my situation & im not a jerk, so I hope you never are. * **Spaviters** >when it happened to me it took me 4 months to even admit what it was. it’s different for everyone, if you love her you would stick around if you don’t love her then do her a favor and leave it’s that simple. in the long run she’s not gonna want to be with a guy that doesn’t love and support her. let someone else be that man for her because she deserves someone to, and it really doesn’t seem like it’s gonna be you. **OOP replied** >>Well that’s not true at all tbh. Saying “oh leave if you don’t love her”. I think though that the best option would be for me to end it because she needs the proper time to heal mentally & it would give her the space to not have to worry about a relationship while working on getting her life back in order. If she doesn’t want to confide in me then I can’t help her anymore than I already have. **Unique-Pause-4126** >>>Have you even looked into support groups for partners of sa survivors? **OOP replied** >>>>No, because my mind is pretty much already made up. I think it would be best for her to not have to worry about keeping up with a relationship and instead focusing on her therapy and rebuilding herself. I could still be there as a friend, but taking that pressure of maintaining a relationship off her shoulders would be for the best. [Update](https://reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/K3vs0mjLbx) **Sept 12, 2023** First of all, I want to thank everybody for participating in the chat. About 80% of the comments were extremely toxic & I figured it would be like that. The post had 50k+ views and over 400 comments all up for debate. I also got plenty of helpful comments and messages from people giving me great advice. For summary if you see this, my GF of over 2 years was sexually assaulted and refused to press charges against the man who she knew attacked her. She has not told anybody about this except me and she was almost ready to keep it from me as well. She refuses to talk to her friends or her family and claims she is in therapy that I needed to really press the issue on. I still to this day have no assurance of that, but I obviously take her word for it. My problem is that despite the lack of communication, our sex life has obviously been non-existent. I expect that to a degree. This assault happened almost 5 months ago now. I’ve tried to engage her sexually one time, to which she didn’t want to, and I get that. At the time it was too soon & I still to this day haven’t tried anything since. I gave her the respect and the boundary to work through it and didn’t want to try it again unless she was 100000% ready so that’s what I’ve done. A lot of people said “oh you’re an asshole” “you don’t love her” this all isn’t true at all and quite ignorant. Just because I want to hook up in some way doesn’t mean I don’t love her or respect her, I just have never been in this situation. I didn’t know how she would react or that with almost 5 months of therapy would she still not want to have sex or at least be intimate in some way. I ended up breaking up with her over the weekend and she was obviously upset about it, but I feel like this was the best option for both of us. We aren’t married, we don’t live together, so it’s not like we have to go through some divorce process or work on getting out of a place we live at together. She can now COMPLETELY focus on her recovery and mental health without having to worry about our relationship. This was on Saturday night and we’ve still kept in touch since. I told her I’ll still be around as a friend and will help with whatever is needed. I’m not just planning on leaving her out to dry. I already know the comments will say “good she deserves better” “now she can find someone worth the time” blah blah I get it. I disagree, but I think I did a lot of things right in this situation. I however don’t think I’m obligated to stick around a relationship I’m unhappy with and get no communication out of. We both talked about the possibility of getting back together in the future and I agreed to it. I can certainly see that as something that happens and I look forward to the future. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **ttnl35** >Bro your biggest asshole moment was trying to pressure her into reporting. The rapist took away her agency and ability to make decisions, you tried to carry on that pattern instead of respecting her choice. >Breaking up with her because she wasn't ready for sex again 5 months after the assault was just the cherry on top. >The reason she deserves better is because your attitude on both those things would be harmful and detrimental to anyone trying to recover from a sexual assault. No one deserves a partner who would make their recovery harder. >You may "think you did a lot of things right" but if the things you think you did right include trying to pressure her into reporting, then you are wrong. **OOP replied** >>She needed to report. That was the biggest mistake she’s made, alongside of keeping everything built up inside herself. Not wanting to speak to anyone, including me, and not telling her parents or friends about it. Now she can let the guy who did it go and do it to someone else. When he does, I’ll be sure to tag you first. * **Maggister_1703** >Your disgusting. She is going through an absolutely horrific trauma. You shouldn't be focused on what you're not getting but being there for her, giving her a support system. Your 100% TA. I have never, ever read something so narcissistic in my life. How selfish can one person truly be? Your relationship obviously didn't mean anything to you if you could just walk away from her when she's dealing with something this horrible when your not getting you way. It's a good thing the relationship is over because she deserves someone who is gonna put her first and support her. You obviously can't provide her with that level of love, respect, or support **OOP replied** >>I have been there to support her and still will be. If someone else wants to step up and not be sexually active, potentially ever, and work with her in a relationship then I would certainly wish the best for them. I doubt that happens though at this time. Once some more time passes and she heals it will be better. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITAH for breaking up with my GF who was SA?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16mgu64/aitah_for_breaking_up_with_my_gf_who_was_sa/

16mgyjv

Fun Fact To Cover Spoilers: Cows are able to bond with each other to the point that cows can have a "best friend" who they are happier to be around. These friendships can last a cow's whole life. (Thank you u/PitaEnigma for the fact). Content Warning: None Mood Spoilers:>! Happy Ending !< *I am not the OOP, that would be* u/ver03255 *who posted this on* r/tifu \- [**TIFU by pointing out that my boss is obviously using ChatGPT**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/168sxhz/tifu_by_pointing_out_that_my_boss_is_obviously/?share_id=Ddbz5jmMmaIlq3NNn_klh&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) **(September 3rd, 2023)** I (27M) am a creative director at a marketing agency. My boss (32M, I'll call him Vince) is the co-owner of our company. English isn’t our native language where we live and work, and Vince has always been a bit insecure with his communication skills. For additional context, I have a strong background in copywriting and copy editing, so I know I sometimes make Vince feel even more self-conscious whenever we need to communicate in English. Despite this, Vince and I have a pretty friendly relationship for a boss and employee. We only have a 5-year age gap, and we’ll joke around about personal stuff sometimes, like when I tease him for sleeping on the couch after working late and irritating his wife. Or when he gives me a hard time whenever I pick terrible gifts for my gf. It’s all in good fun. We’ve even hung out outside of work. Vince scored some court-side tickets to a basketball game last year and invited me along. So all this to say—we’re friendly but still maintain professionalism. However, last month, Vince has obviously started using AI to write things like birthday messages, work anniversary greetings, congratulatory notes when someone lands a new client, etc. on our company Slack. I noticed the change immediately. He used to just write quick 5-word greetings, but suddenly they were these 10-sentence formal messages using words and phrases Vince would never actually use. Last Monday, we had a working lunch at my office to discuss the deck I had just completed for an upcoming client meeting. Then, as we were wrapping up, Vince asked me casually if I’d noticed him putting in more effort with his messages lately. And like an idiot, instead of just agreeing politely, I made some joke and said, “uh yeah, looks like ChatGPT has been doing some heavy lifting lately!” Vince immediately got defensive and started ranting about how dare I call him out, there’s nothing wrong with using ChatGPT for work stuff, it’s efficient and helps him communicate better in English, blah blah blah. I tried to backtrack and say I didn’t mean any offense, I agree there’s nothing wrong with using ChatGPT in moderation. I was just trying to give some friendly feedback that maybe he could use better prompts and customize the output a bit to sound more natural coming from him.But at that point, Vince was too pissed off, called me an asshole (the equivalent in our native language), and stormed off. Of course, I didn't want the incident to damage our relationship long-term. Vince had been an amazing mentor and friend to me. I’d hate for some dumb joke to ruin the mutual respect we have for each other. So, later that day, I just came to Vince's office and apologized. He simply smiled and said it was fine. However, the entire week, he had been giving me the cold shoulder. We only interacted when discussing work. I tried making jokes about other stuff, but he's not acknowledging them. Also, since then, he has gone back to his usual 5-word greetings. I fear that I might have just ruined the healthy work environment over that stupid joke. TL;DR: I told my boss, who's insecure about his English communication, that he's been obviously using ChatGPT lately. He got upset and storms off, calling me an asshole. I apologized, but he has been giving me the cold shoulder ever since. \- **Relevant Comments** >Maybe run your apology through Chat GPT and email it to him. OOP: haha this is something my petty mind thought of, but in the end, I went with an in-person apology, hoping it would do the job \- >I mean if you knew he was insecure about his English why would you make a joke about it? Why Joke about anyone's insecurities? How would you react if someone did this to you at work? OOP: Yeah I know. I guess it was all in the heat of the moment. It's not like his insecurity is indoctrinated in me in a way that I'd totally avoid talking about it subconsciously. I know this is a weak defense, but it's honestly just a slip of the tongue during friendly banter. And since he asked for feedback, I thought I could give him pointers on how to use ChatGPT better while still making light of the situation.And to be fair, we've joked about worse things, like him teasing me for gaining some weight after a vacation or him being an idiot sandwich after cooking a terrible meal and bringing it to work, and we'd just laugh about all of it since we know there's no actual ill will behind those jabs.However, lesson learned though! \- [**TIFU Update: Pointing out that my boss is obviously using ChatGPT**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/16gzyc9/tifu_update_pointing_out_that_my_boss_is/?share_id=sva5LfQLDI-bozOSA9_8Y&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) **(September 12th, 2023)** Original post here My FU happened over a week ago. The entire week, my relationship with Vince had been reduced to professional interactions, and there was no enthusiasm from his end at all. This would've been fine with me if he were just one of my regular bosses, but he was not. I genuinely consider him a friend, to the point that when he and his wife (who I'll call Val) had to fly out of the country for a family-related emergency for a week, they entrusted me and my gf (who I'll call Gina) to look after their 3 dogs. Gina and Val also go to yoga together, and they hang out regularly as well. Suffice to say, while I understand that Vince and I have an employer-employee relationship in the office, we are actual friends outside of work. However, over the entire week, we had little to no communication at all. Fortunately for me, Gina and Val do not care about any issues that Vince and I may have since they've also formed a friendship of their own. And since Gina knew how much I've been stressing about the whole situation, she tried to bridge the gap between me and Vince through Val. Mind you, I never asked her to do this as I didn't want to put her in a difficult position. After their yoga session last Sunday, Gina found out what really went on with Vince. Apparently, he thought one of our clients tried to poach me as their in-house creative director. Vince found out through one of our account executives that during one of their meetings, the client's CEO said something like "If only I had someone like u/ver03255 in my team, our department would have better outputs, nothing of this ChatGPT crap from my writers," then he joked about making a job offer to me. Then, at the end of the meeting, the client apparently asked for my number, which the account executive gave. However, what's really confounded me in all this is that none of this information actually reached me. I was not in that meeting, so I had no idea at all about any of this. The CEO never contacted me as well. I mean, yeah, I was the one who closed the deal with that client after my pitch last year, but I didn't know I made that big of an impression. We've also ever met just twice in person. Apparently, it was all just a series of coincidences and sitcom-level miscommunication. When I made the joke to Vince, he thought I was referencing the client's remark, which was why he got so defensive and triggered when I mentioned ChatGPT. He was giving me the cold shoulder the entire week because he thought I was already negotiating with the client behind his back, thinking that I was actually taking the job offer. Val even told Gina that Vince was really affected by all this. She said that during their dinner the night of the incident, Vince was really bummed. He was expressing how he felt so betrayed if I left the company that way, since I didn't even give him the courtesy of a heads up as he also considers me a close friend. When Gina told me all of this, my initial reaction was to laugh, because it was very on-brand for Vince to overthink, assume, and misread things (even in his personal life). Also, just to be perfectly clear, I absolutely have zero plans of leaving my current job for a position at out client's company. I am very happy with my work (including the workload, salary, benefits, insurance, environment, and my bosses). So, later that day, I called Vince on his phone. He didn't pick up, so I just texted him, "As an AI language model, I think you're stupid. Gina told me she and Val talked about us. You thought I'm quitting, idiot? You'd have to fire me if you want me gone lol also, you owe me beer, Luka's team lost in FIBA WC" Then he called about 15 minutes after, apologizing for everything. He said he just got really paranoid and stressed about everything because the board was breathing down his neck the entire month, and losing one of his top-level employees would be a huge blow to the company. He also said that he would've had no problem if I really did want to move on, but he just thought I'd put some value to our friendship and be more upfront with him. I then cleared everything up and told him that I didn't even have any idea. I also told him I'm expecting an apology email written by ChatGPT, then we just laughed everything off. Everything's back to normal now, and I've also taught him how to use ChatGPT prompts better. TL;DR: My boss, who is also my friend, thought I was leaving the company and negotiating with a client for a job offer behind his back. He then got mad at me when I made a remark that inadvertently referred to a joke made by the client about poaching me. My gf helped clear things up, and things have gone back to normal with my boss now. EDIT: This post (as well as my original post) was NOT written by ChatGPT. If it were, I guarantee you that this would've been much better and more coherent. But thanks for thinking that, I'll take it as a compliment that all my years of training and experience as a writer have led me to this moment: sounding like an AI language model haha /s \- **Relevant Comments** >It's quite funny how you keep saying Vince overthinks things, yet you wrote 2 lengthy posts showing how much you overthink things... OOP: haha I never said I didn't do that as well! I'm a writer by trade, so I really tend to ramble, but maybe Vince really is rubbing off on me lol \- >PSA: DO NOT ATTEMPT IN YOUR OFFICE. This kind of a friendship where an employee can call a boss "stupid" and "idiot" is a very rare exception. You'll have undesirable consequences if you try it with your boss. 😂 OOP: yes, I should've put that disclaimer at the start haha ONLY DO THIS IF YOU'RE PREPARED TO LOSE YOUR JOB \- *Marked as concluded as OOP and his boss have settled their differences.*

TIFU by pointing out that my boss is obviously using ChatGPT

CONCLUDED

boru_posts

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16mgyjv/tifu_by_pointing_out_that_my_boss_is_obviously/

16n2lk4

I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwawaytogetherccc in r/offmychest and r/survivinginfidelity trigger warnings: >!infidelity, cancer!< mood spoilers: >!sad and depressing for OOP!< **New updates start from 12th September 2023.** **Previous BORU is** [**here.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15o79jc/new_update_oops_cancer_survivor_wife_wanted_a/) **Editor's Note - OOP misgendered** u/angelposts**, this has been corrected.** &#x200B; [**I am at a loss as to what to do with my (54M) wife (51F) request**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/14h5dj1/i_am_at_a_loss_as_to_what_to_do_with_my_54m_wife/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **- 24th June 2023** My wife and I have been married since 2001 and together since 1999. She is the most intelligent, thoughtful, caring, loyal person I know, and I have always thought of myself as fortunate to have met and married her. She is, even today, aesthetically beautiful and men have told her this throughout our marriage. She has always shot them down. Earlier this year, she was diagnosed with uterine cancer, stage 1 and had a full hysterectomy. I was never concerned about the cancer, it was diagnosed early, dealt with quickly and she made a full recovery. I took time off work to look after her after the surgery and all seemed well. There were some to-be-expected emotional instances on her part and although I am not an emotional person, we dealt with them together. After her recover, she was insistent that we start “living life to the fullest” and took a 10 day trip to Europe, followed by a trip to Belize. We also have a trip to the UK and Spain/Portugal later this year. I am fine with these things, building memories and crossing bucket-list adventures off her/our list. I also understand that these are a result of feeling fragile on her part. She also took up Yoga, Swimming and healthy cooking classes. I was fully onboard until last week. Last week she came home from work and told me she wanted a “hall pass”. A one-time opportunity for her to have sex with someone else besides me. She said that since her cancer diagnosis her outlook on life has changed and she doesn’t want to be handcuffed from doing things she wants do. She explained that there is this guy at her work that she has always had some attraction to. He is leaving the company and she will never see him again, so this is the perfect opportunity to sleep with someone else. She said that I could say no of course but that she would “be mad/disappointed at me for an indeterminate amount of time and that it would be confirmation of my male toxicity and insecurity.” I don’t consider myself to be toxic and if not wanting your wife of 20+ years to have sex with someone else is insecure than I guess I am insecure. I told her that I appreciated her talking to me about this but approval via coercion is not approval. I also said that I do not appreciate her language in describing my, as of yet, unknown reaction to this very large issue that could affect the rest of our marriage/life. I got up in the morning she basically said that she was sorry for putting such a large decision solely on my shoulders and that to “help” she was taking the decision away from me. She booked a hotel near where her coworkers are having a party/send-off for this guy and she would spend the night there, with him and hoped that I would be here when she got back. That she would answer any questions I have about the night after it happened but not before. She will not tell me who he is or anything about him “because she knows me too well and that I will dwell and obsess over him” and that would make it “too real for me” which is pretty accurate. Her POV is that the less I know the better which contradicts the offer to tell me anything I want to know after it happened. I think she knows I wont want to know/ask anything or she simply will not tell me. Part of me thinks, at least she has been honest with me and she has been through a lot since finding out she had cancer so maybe I should just let it happen. I certainly have no concept of what she went through so I cannot dismiss how this affected her mental state/outlook on life. Part of me wants to put my foot down and say this is not going to happen and deal with those consequences when they happen. Her BFF called me callous for even suggesting that I wouldn’t let it happen, because I have no idea what she went through. I find it hard to believe that she is OK with the possibility of throwing away 20+ years of marriage over some guy that she has had no relationship with outside of work and that I should just call her bluff. Maybe she thinks similarly that I won’t throw away the marriage because of one encounter. I just don’t know what to do. I empathize with her and then an instant later I am angry with her. Part of me wants to know who this guy is? What does he look like, what has he got that is so enthralling for her. Is he just a safe option? Is he married? Does his wife know? Would I be a callous asshole for saying No? What can I do besides walking away? TLDR: Wife battled cancer, won, but now wants to have one night with a soon-to-be former coworker and I have no say in the matter. Accept it or destroy 20+ years of a great marriage.   **Top Comment from** u/Biauralbeats  *Kinda think this is the way your marriage will be from now on. With her epiphany, she wants to relive her life and she is going to do it regardless of your feelings. I think she is being rather selfish and probably only threatens this because she thinks you are beaten down and will simply put up with it. Perhaps not the best time for trips and frills. She wants the single life- let her see what that means.* &#x200B; **OOP replies to some comments** *She thinks because she will never see this guy again and that I have never met him (supposedly) that it wont really affect me or our marriage in the long term.* *I am left with accepting it and never viewing her the same way again or going through a divorce at 54. Not really great options on either front.* *I don't know where her head is and the bout with cancer is affecting her in ways that I couldn't possibly imagine. I don't think she believes I will leave.*   [**Update my cancer survivor wife wanted a "Hall Pass" UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/14kszqw/update_my_cancer_survivor_wife_wanted_a_hall_pass/) **- 28th June 2023** I received a ton of advice that I couldn't possibly respond to. I do appreciate the people who took time to offer advice in the comments or via PM. It has been an exhausting couple of days. I was hoping that my opposition to her plans would give her pause, but unfortunately that did not happen. I said I am a hard no, and I am not sure how I will feel about you, if you go ahead with it. I was met once again with “this is for me, it will be one time, what can I say to help you deal with it, you’ll get over it, we were meant to be regardless of the situation” remarks leading up to Saturday. She left Saturday, ostensibly to meet her coworkers, but in reality fuck the guy. I asked her to text me when she was leaving for the bar and when she did I asked her if she was really going to go through with this. After her response “I am not answering anymore questions tonight, I will see you tomorrow.” I blocked my wife. Then I did something either stupid or brilliant. I went to the bar where the get-together was happening. Well not the bar but a transit bench across the street. I waited for a long time. It was running through my mind the leading up to this event, that I need to know who this guy was, maybe to compare myself against him. To see what he had that I do not. It was driving me crazy not knowing who he was and what was so special about him that she would ruin a marriage for. After what seemed like eternity, a woman that I recognized from my wife’s office left the bar and got in a cab. Soon other people started filing out and a whole group came out and people were hugging a man and shaking his hand. I assumed that I had my guy. I didn’t see my wife and had a brief thought that maybe she called it all off. I unblocked her and there were no messages. Everyone said their goodbyes and left, dude was standing outside for a few minutes and then my wife came out. She looked around, took his hand and started walking away together. Of all the emotions I went through, trepidation, sadness, anger, it was disgust that really encapsulated the event for me. This guy was short, fat, and bald, all the things I cannot compete with. Ultimately, I felt like a pervert for watching from a distance. I followed until they got to the hotel, and then turned around and went home. I woke up Sunday morning and put a lock on the master bedroom door. I moved her things to the spare room and left a note asking her to find other accommodations as quickly as possible. I visited another friend who is a lawyer and he gave me some sage advice and a couple of recommendations for divorce attorneys and made the introductions. My wife had been calling me numerous time since around 11 or so. Once blocked the calls go to voicemail. I listened to the first couple but felt nothing but some satisfaction when she couldn’t get through to me and she was obviously becoming concerned. I didn’t want to go home but I left in such a hurry that I didn’t plan an overnight properly. I got home around 9 and as per my buddy’s advice, I recorded the interaction. I was halfway up the stairs when she came up from the family room asking what was going on? Could we talk? I thought we talked about this? I just answered with I am not interested in discussing this tonight and went to bed. After not getting a response from me through the door she left me alone. I feel kind of like a child for not talking with her and shutting the door on her but I just couldn't look at her. Monday I got up and ready for work, she was waiting for me and asked if we could discuss getting back to normal. I said, you have been doing all the talking for the both of us for the last week, why don’t you continue and left for work. I have an appointment with the attorneys my friend recommended for this week. TLDR: She went ahead with it. I am actually more disgusted by who she chose than the sex itself, if that makes any sense. I asked her to find somewhere else to live.   **Top Comment from** u/RJPONY01 *I can only hope that you've decided to do what's best for you. At the end of the day you're the one that has to live with your decisions. From your previous post it's obvious that your wife, and I use that term merely as a placeholder, has made her decision.* *I know that having something that has been such a huge part of your life end can be daunting, but sometimes it's for the best.* &#x200B; [**Potential Waywards & The BFF**](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/15gntho/potential_waywards_the_bff/) **- 2nd August 2023** *The BFF does not have your best interests in mind. The BFF wants to validate their bad choices by encouraging you to make the same ones. The BFF lives for the drama they help create. The BFF is titillated by the details. The BFF cultivates misery. The BFF is a narcissist, who cant help themselves, so if the statement, JUST GO FOR IT, YOU DESERVE IT, HE DOESN’T APPRECIATE YOU, HE DOESN’T RESPECT YOU, and in my case, YOU FACED YOUR OWN MORTALITY AND YOU SHOULDN’T LET ANYONE HOLD YOU BACK FROM DOING THE THINGS THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY, maybe realize that you should talk with your significant other and explain what you are feeling. You owe it to them to discuss the way you’re feeling about yourself, your partner and your marriage.* &#x200B; **Comments from OOP** *Yeah, once the dust settled I realized that I was desperate to hold on to something that no longer existed. I have initiated divorce proceedings.* *She has regret. Not remorse. Of course those are different things with different meanings. She regrets what has happened because her life is upside down now.* *Someone in a private message asked if her cancer could be back and spread to her brain which I don't know if it has actually happened or not, but I doubt it would make any difference to me at this point. I just don't see her the same way any more.* *I told all her friends husbands about how they enabled this behavior and the fall-out is interesting.* *I said that maybe they are covering for one another, that maybe my wife was just the next link in the chain. This got them going through their wives phones. A couple found inappropriate sexting. All husbands have made their wives cut off my wife (and each other).* **Was BFF one of those sexting?** *Of course. The BFF's husband says that she was definitely in a EA and probably a PA as well. He is still digging.* &#x200B; [**UPDATE I am a loss as to what to do with my (54M) wife (51F) Hall past request**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/15hqmal/comment/juqzt5j/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **- 4th August 2023** *Original was deleted, but was preserved in a comment* **UPDATE 2:** My lawyer wasn’t available for a few days, so I was faced with the reality of having to live with my wife in the interim. I really didn’t want to go home and have any discussion, let alone a discussion about our relationship. When I did get home I was basically ambushed by her friends and my mother in-law. Instead of taking the remorseful approach they decided that a full court press was what the situation warranted and I was basically berated by them. The BFF was definitely the ringleader, but all of them decided to say such things as; she’s been through a lot, you don’t know what she’s been through, you have no idea what it is like to face something like this, this was a one time thing, at least she told you she could have hidden it from you, she will never see the guy again, and my favorite, you are an asshole for what you have been putting her through these last couple of days. I listened with a “dumbass smirk” on my face and when there was a lull in their fury, I asked if they were all done now. Then I asked my wife if there was anyone in her circle of friends or anyone else that she forgot to tell about this. I quietly informed all of them that I was going to sit down with their husbands and tell them about how they verbally abusing me, shaming me and trying to coerce me into staying with a cheater. After I told them to leave, I said that I had no say in entire event and so they have no say in whether I stay or not. My STBXW sort of apologized. She said that she regretted the entire thing. I said there is a difference between regret and remorse. You regret what happened because of the cause-and-effect. You have regret because your life will never be the same, our relationship will never be the same because you where wholly and willfully unconcerned about me and what I wanted. She asked if I had any questions that she would answer them now, no matter how disturbing. I said that the one question I do have is Why. Not necessarily why this guy, why this low-end unattractive, unfit guy, but why someone else in the first place? She said that the cancer scared her to her core. She felt like she was rushing toward mortality and stepping out of that tunnel was appealing. She said that after all this time of being a wife, and mother and worrying about family, this was something just for her. An escape. The guy was just someone who was interested in her for a long time, she knew wouldn’t say no and was completely opposite to me. I said if I was going to risk my marriage, the woman would have to be a serious upgrade from you. I told her that I saw you and him coming out of the bar that night. I watched you walk away from the bar hand-in-hand towards the hotel. I said that you looked too familiar with each other and asked if there was something going on before all this. She said no but who knows if that is the truth or not. I said that after all our years together, your lack of respect for me was astonishing. I finished by saying that I would never be able to look at myself in the mirror again if I condoned that level of disrespect and stayed with you. I said I hope we can go our separate ways amicably and that I have an appointment with a lawyer later in the week. I again asked her to find some other accommodations and she simply said, I am not going anywhere. We are not getting a divorce. I will give you all the time you need and do whatever you need to recover from this. We will get past this. She has asked me to go to marriage counseling, which I refused. Why would I go to counseling, I did nothing to warrant needing a therapists advice. I had her served and gave her a notice to vacate (the house is my premarital asset). She has moved in with her mom but I find her constantly coming by to see if I need anything or making suggestions like ‘what if we had an open relationship only on your side or threesomes’, which seems kind of desperate and pathetic. Rebuffing her constantly and telling her she has to call to ask permission before coming by and finally seems to getting through to her that there will be no us going forward. She has said that she will drag the divorce out for as long as possible, but so far has been compliant. The worst part of all this is telling my daughter that we are getting a divorce and why, followed closely by her begging me to give her mom another chance. I am not sure I would have been afforded the same consideration if I was the one who was cheating. TLDR: A lot of unkind things were said but she has been served and has moved out. Divorce is next with me hoping mediation is reasonable and I don’t get screwed in the end. &#x200B; **Comments** **On his daughter:** >I think it was just a gut reaction. In the weeks that have passed, and the more she understands what has happened, the more irritated she is becoming with her mom. **On his wife:** >I loved my wife. I, and others, found her to be stunning (she looks like Linda Carter). Now, knowing that she affaired down so low makes her a non-entity that I could never look at the same way again. No amount of counseling is going to change the way I see her. **Some Q&A:** *Something had to transpire prior to her hotel excursion. There's no way she decided in a matter of a few days to pick and cheat with AP.* >Getting sex is easier for women. Maybe they were involved in a EA before and this was a culmination. I don't really know nor do I care, unless it benefits me during the divorce. > >From what I know all of her friends have cut her off. They are trying like hell to save their own marriages that they are turning on each other. &#x200B; *After vacating your house, is she feeling any remorse? Or is she still thinking you need to get over it as of today. Going NC with WW should be easy since daughter is an adult. What desperate measures has she taken that you haven't mentioned in your post and comments?* >She was stoic and held her position right up until she was served. Then she became visibly upset and resorted to begging, pleading and bargaining. &#x200B; *Really? No Tears? No emotional meltdown?* *I am sorry that happened to you.* *How can she not see what she has done to you? The whole way this went is so surreal, from start to finish. It is like she has a manic or hypomanic episode.You are doing the right thing by divorcing her. Sorry, but there is no love in her anymore.* *You, sir, have not lost your self-respect and have made the right choice. Take care of yourself.* >Plenty of tears, begging and bargaining after the fact, but that maybe just optics. Maybe she fell out of love and now is regretting her new station in life. She's an attractive woman, she will have plenty of men willing to date her, but I won't be one of them. &#x200B; *Wow! Amazing poker face she really thought she owned you.* >She was confident, overly so. *If you ever feel the need to go nuclear, you could reveal the affair to her coworkers. I but that would be a disaster.* >I want her employed so I don't have to pay maintenance even if it was while she was between jobs. > >There is a woman at her work who has always looked at me in an inviting way so maybe I will try to date her after this is over. That would be interesting on a couple of levels. &#x200B; \*\***Final Update Starts Here\*\*** Original Deleted from r/offmychest, retrieved with Reveddit [**UPDATE 2 - I am a loss as to what to do with my (54M) wife (51F) Hall past request**](https://www.reveddit.com/v/offmychest/comments/16giwsp/update_2_i_am_a_loss_as_to_what_to_do_with_my_54m/k0d85m4/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3&add_user=throwawaytogetherccc..c.new..t1_k07z5ln..&) **- 12th September 2023** &#x200B; There is not much to report. We are in the process of getting a divorce, however where we live, we must be legally separated for 1 year. My STBXW has said that she will give me whatever I want in the divorce if I agree to attend marriage counseling, but I am not interested. There was a bit of back-and-forth while we worked out what separation looks like in everyday life from this point forward. As a result, we have only just agreed to the confines of the legal separation, so as we move towards defining the divorce language, maybe my stance may change. The house was a premarital asset, so she has no claim to it. The only things she could go after are my pension, vehicles and vacation property but I would counter that she has lived rent free for 20+ years and has her own money plus inheritance from her father. I may have offer a top up in retirement as she was a stay-at-home mom while our daughter was young, but that would be the most at this point. I received a lot of messages about her friend group and my daughter, so I will clear up and misconceptions now. &#x200B; My daughter isn’t taking her mother side. She has always been a mommas girl but she is very unhappy with her mom right now. Her initial reaction was just shock and held out hope that we would work through any issues and stay together. Now she accepts that is not going to happen she has been limiting her interactions with her, but at the end of the day, she is still her mom. &#x200B; The friend group husbands were upset at the level of complicity of their wives in aiding and abetting the contact/cheating and made them cut off my wife, but that seems to have been forgotten at this point. The BFF was the ringleader and seems to have taken perverse pleasure in actively creating scenarios where they would be in contact. At the very least encouraging to the point of causing her husband to question her motives. It turns out she didn’t like me at all and this was her way of ‘sticking it too me’. I guess she wins. &#x200B; The BFF’s husband said that there were some sexting in his wife's messages but said he is dealing with it. We did meet up a with him being apologetic for his wife’s complicity, but it is not his fault and just want to move on. I have decided not to date anyone for awhile. I will not be getting married ever again. So that is it. I doubt I will post again unless she wins the lottery and I find it my heart to forgive her… &#x200B; For u/angelposts and his crew at r/AmITheAngel, she couldn't be pregnant with twins because she had a hysterectomy, and that is not how women work &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

[Final Update] - OOP's cancer survivor wife wanted a "Hall Pass"

NEW UPDATE

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16n2lk4/final_update_oops_cancer_survivor_wife_wanted_a/

16n8oeg

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Positive-You-385 **AITA for yelling at my pregnant sister n law and telling my husband to choose me or her.** **Originally posted to** r/AITAH **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Miscarriage, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, physical violence, Egregious exploitation!< **Thanks to u/Twigz8771 for suggesting this BoRU** [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/Y8XtO2CWKf) **Sept 10, 2023** See I know the title sounds wrong, but please here me out. I'm currently typing this all up while my husband's entire family is sitting downstairs. So, I 29 F, have been married to my husband for 8 years. About 2 months ago I had my third miscarriage (31 weeks), I won't be talking about it because it makes me feel so depressed, but you'll need to remember this. About 4 months ago, my sister-in-law (20) came crying at our doorstep telling us she's pregnant and her boyfriend didn't want anything to do with the pregnancy; and had nowhere to go. My husband and I openly took her in, welcomed her into our home with open arms. For the first few weeks, it was really hard for her (understandably.) I sat with her for hours, holding her when she cried, binging our favorite tv shows, eating so much ice cream we quite literally fell into a coma. It was really bonding for us (so I thought.) Here's where is starts going downhill, I take pride in my neat, clean home. My sister-in-law on the other hand did not. She would leave her clothes all around the house, leave her dirty dishes wherever, even went as far and leaving her s3x toys on our living room table. I tried to talk to her directly before I talked to my husband, she immediately started crying and told me should try to be cleaner. I hugged her, told her it was okay, but this is a clear boundary for me. She told me it wouldn't happen again. But it only got worse, she told me I was expected to do her laundry, dishes, and clean her room daily because she's the pregnant one. Well, I do understand how hard it is being pregnant, I just couldn't allow feeling like a maid in my own home (disclaimer, I bought this house, not my husband. it was all me.) Not to mention my recent loss of my child. So, I told my husband, but what he told me shocked me. His exact words were "Hunny, she's going through a lot right now, we really should be helping her out. plus, it might make you feel better, to take care of someone who's **pregnant.**" I was pissed to say the least. Make me feel better?? Shes going through a lot? we need to help her? letting her stay with us wasn't enough??? While I don't want to invalidate her pain, my husband and I were also going through our own problems. Anyways we moved on, I did my best to maintain work and the household chores. My husband works 7am - 7pm so he isn't around to help much, I work full time from home, so it's been super stressful, when I even try to ask for help form my sister-in-law, she always makes an excuse. Even if she's just watching tv. The one thing that pushed me over the edge was I went out to buy my one food that I have actually enjoyed eating after my miscarriage. I wrote my name on it and directly asked my sister-in-law to not eat it. Well, I went to go to my fridge to get it, and you'll never guess. She freaking ate it. Now you may think "It's just food." I buy all the groceries, basically pay all the bills. I don't mind people having some of my food, but the one thing I ask to not be touched, gets touched. I told my husband and of course he rubbed it into my face that she's pregnant, I need to be less selfish, and life is about sacrifices. I was so upset I told him i felt like him and her were the horrible roommate's people talk about on reddit. he didn't take that well lol. Which leads us to my title. My sister-in-law planned a random baby shower party thing, at my house. I personally didn't know If I could even be home when this was happening. I felt so hurt that she wouldn't talk to me knowing everything that has happened and that she would just invite random strangers into another person's home before asking. My husband urged me to go, told him it would permanently affect mine and her relationship. So, I told him I'd go. About halfway through the party my husband and S.I.L announced that they wanted to show the nursery to everyone. I was confused, nursery? she was staying that long? What room did she turn into a nursery? They told everyone to head up stairs, that's when it hit me. They were talking about MY nursery, for MY baby I had JUST lost. A wave of emotions hit me when I saw everyone in my baby's nursery telling her what a good job they did setting it up. MY set up. For my baby, that my body failed to give me. I just lost it. I started sobbing, then that sadness turned into pure rage. I started yelling at my sister-in-law, telling her Shes the foulest human for putting me through everything she has for the last few months. Making me feel like I was a maid, or an object for her convenience. Through choked up tears I turned to my husband whose jaw was on the floor. I turned my head to see his entire family just staring at me. I lost it again. Yelling, I looked at my sister-in-law telling her; How dare she use my nursery, for my baby, how dare she think she has the right. What she told me, made me fall to my knees sobbing. "It's not my fault you couldn't produce a child, why let this go to waste, you're so selfish." My husband tried to pick me up off the floor, but I yelled again, standing to my knees, which were now shaking, I told him. Pick. A dumbfound look on his face. I yelled again; Pick, me or her. He couldn't even muster up anything to say. I just looked at him, pure butyral, I pushed past the crowd of family and ran straight up here to type this out. Even if no one sees this, at least it's helped me let these emotions out. Now's the point where I ask, am I the asshole. ​**~OOP UPDATED SAME POST 17 HOURS LATER/SAME DAY~** **UPDATE** Sorry for any typos or misspelt words. I'm not quite sure if this is the proper way to do an update but hopefully everyone can see it. First, I just want to address a few comments, (you can skip this part if you don't care lol) I know I had a stillborn. The only reason I say miscarriage is because that is what my obstetrician told me was happening. Second off, some people have been saying this story is fake because of the way I described the argument, (falling to my knees, pure betrayal, yes, I figured out I spelt it wrong) I can ensure you it is not. I cannot make anyone believe me, but this is my life, so you can either think it's fake or not. Here's the update everyone's been asking for, buckled up its a long one. After posting my story on reddit, I sat on my bed, wiping my tears and telling myself I will not take this disrespect. I walked downstairs shutting my nursery door on the way, I was greeted with everyone comforting my sister-in-law. I kindly asked everyone besides my sister-in-law and husband to respectfully get the fuck out of my house. After all the dirty looks and shaming, it was just my husband, sister-in-law and myself. They sat their selves on the couch, not saying anything. I sat with them. The silence felt like forever, none of us had anything to say, I knew I'd have to start the conversation. I looked at my husband and said, did you decide? He looked at me just staring. I asked again in a firm tone this time. He ended up mumbling some sort of insult and I couldn't really make out what he said. Something with bitchy. I stood up and told them both to get out, then they wanted to talk. Telling me this is all a misunderstanding, their sorry, blah blah blah. I grabbed a backpack from my shoe closet and told them to pack their shit. My sister-in-law told me I couldn't just make her leave, and I was a horrible person. I laughed in her face and told her this is my house, and I can do whatever I wanted. My husband stood next to me and told her it was only for a little while. I turned to him and said, oh you too, get out. He got all mad and told me we were a married couple and that this isn't how marriage works. I told him, no it is not, marriage is where two people support each other, and not treat their wife like shit. They both ended up leaving after many insults towards me. Oh, but wait, It's not over. This morning as I was getting ready for a zoom meeting with a few other coworkers, when my husband showed up. I let him in telling him to get whatever he needed and to go because I had to work. He started apologizing and telling me he wants to make it right. I told him i just need time away from him. Then he threw in my face "well it's not my fault you lost our children, maybe this would've never happened. My sister was right, you are selfish." I have never ever made my husband feel like he cannot grief with me over this, never made him feel less than because of his pain. I turned around and slapped him in the face. I never condone violence, and I'm very upset I would ever do that to another human, but I just couldn't deal with this. He took a step back and then threw all of my makeup on the floor (which I get) but then he started breaking all of my decor in my bathroom. I yelled at him to stop and that I was sorry, but he just kept going. Even going as far as punching a hole in my bathroom wall. It was like I was seeing all of his bottled-up emotions from our children's death come out. But he went too far when he tried to grab me, yelling in my face, I kicked him off and told him to get the fuck out. He walked out of the bathroom, and I watched him break a few more items as he left. The second he left I had a panic attack, looking at the mess he made, to even just seeing how much he hid his pain. I called my mother and told her everything that has been happening. (I don't talk to my family much due to some past trauma with them.) She told me she was on her way. The second she got here; I just broke down and she held me. Then she stood up and started taking pictures of everything he broke. I asked her what she was doing, and she turned to me and said we're suing this POS. I honestly didn't even argue, I was so hurt by everything my husband did to me. My mom packed up my computer and I grabbed a few outfits. My mom and I drove to a hotel, and she insisted on staying with me, while I finished up work my mom called a locksmith and my attorney. I will be divorcing him as well. So, there it is, here's the update everyone has been waiting for. I feel guilty for just giving up on my husband and 8 years of our marriage, but it's time for a divorce. I can't live like this, and neither can my husband. I wish I could say we moved on, forgave each other and I got to see my sister-in-law have her baby. But that's not reality. If anything, else happens I will let you all know. Thank you, guys, for the support and help with this situation. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for yelling at my pregnant sister n law and telling my husband to choose me or her.

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16n8oeg/aita_for_yelling_at_my_pregnant_sister_n_law_and/

16nbghr

**I am still not the Original Poster. That is** [u/Apprehensive\_Lake828](https://www.reddit.com/user/Apprehensive_Lake828/). He posted in r/AmItheAsshole, r/EntitledPeople and r/TrueOffMyChest. I edited a few grammar/spelling things for readability and clarity. **New Update marked with \*\*\*\*\*** **Mood Spoiler**: >!happy ending for OOP with questionable perjury!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10hqhun/wibta_for_not_loaning_money_to_my_aunt_to_finish/)**: January 21, 2023** **Title:** WIBTA for not loaning money to my aunt to finish college? \*Throwaway account, also I don't live in the USA and English isn't my main language So, I (M25) have recently moved to a house I bought in October. The house was one of the houses my dad's friends wanted to sell so he gave me a discount for the house (he has lots of properties in my city and wanted to sell some because he is moving to Germany for work in April). It is a 3-bedroom house with a small garden in the front and a big garden in the back. I also finish my master's last August and now I'm planning to travel to Europe in October for at least half a year after I'll finish the project I'm in charge of my job in July. Now for the problem, I have an aunt (F32) from my dad's side who started college last October, around the time I bought my new house. She just told everyone she doesn't have the money to pay for the semester and can't continue unless she pays till February. The thing is, no one in our family can help her to pay but me and her brother (M39), who said no and now everyone is on his back saying how heartless he is to his little sister. Even though I bought the house in full (so I don't need to pay for the mortgage and own my house by myself) I had my trip money saved and if I give it to her, she will have enough money for the rest of her college years. where I live college costs around 15-20 thousand dollars for all the years unless you study medicine on average. Now she asked me if I'm willing to pay for her college and she appreciates the gesture, she said that I don't have a mortgage on my house so I can help her, and she would make sure to pay back by the time she finishes her studies and even give interest if she can. The thing is if I'll give her the money, I just won't be able to travel as I wanted to be planned and saved the money for almost 7 years. My mom said that I need to help her cause she is family and she used to help me a lot with me when I was a kid even though she was a kid herself at the time. My dad on the other side said that I should not help and let her figure it out herself. He said that I deserve a break and should just ignore her and the rest of my family if they don't like my decision and that I should just focus on my project and plan my trip when I have free time. I talk with some close friends, and they split. I'm split about this myself because I truly want to help her out but didn't want to lose on the trip that I planned and worked for. So Reddit, would I be the asshole for not loaning money to my aunt to finish college? I would appreciate your full honesty about the matter. **Edit: (Same Post): January 22, 2023 (Next Day)** Thanx to everyone who comments on the post. In the end, I decided to listen to ask my dad why both he and my uncle are so against the idea, my dad told me to talk with my uncle because he doesn't want to shame her. Well, after he said that I went to my uncle's house and asked him why he didn't help just to know if I really should and he said to me that she will most likely not pay back by the time I need the money or she stops learning again like last time. Something I didn't know is that both my dad and uncle helped her in the past when she tried to go to college a few years ago but she dropped out and didn't return the money to both of them. My dad and uncle decided to forgive her and not let anyone in my family know about the money because she is their little sister and didn't want her to be shamed by the rest of the family after what she did. After what he said he told me I should keep it secret from everyone but also not give her the money cause he and dad think she will just waste the money and drop out like last time and just use my money for myself and no one else. Because of that, I chose to call her today in this morning to tell her I know about the last time when dad and uncle gave her money, and even if I wanted her to succeed, she should have planned her college days better. I may have been harsh on her, but she got the message and said she won't ask me again. I do hopes she finds a way to finish her academic studies but I'm not going to help her after what my uncle told me. **Update-ish** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/10mjpld/i_cut_contact_with_a_part_of_my_family_and_i_feel/)**: January 27, 2023 (5 days later)** this is a sort of small update from this story on AITA. TLDR-my aunt needed money for college, I could have helped her but chose not to because she already got help from my dad and uncle in the past, didn't finish college, and didn't pay them back like she said she would. So far what happened after, is I got calls from some family relatives from my dad's side telling me that I should have helped her because this is what a family is for, and I act like an ungrateful brat for only thinking about myself and ignoring a close family relative cry for help. Well, this pisset me off and I chose to write in the family WhatsApp chat about how much I hate them for thinking that just because my aunt was dumb with her money and chose to go to college even though she didn't have the funds it wasn't my responsibility and if there want to help, and why don't they cheap in to help her out or do you just don't really want to help yourself and just like to act all high and mighty in front everyone. After that, I said that to everyone who shamed me and my uncle for not helping her, I'm not going to talk to or see them for a long time or even forever depending on how I felt, and they aren't welcome to come to my house and I would consider them trespasser if they came and called the police on them. I left the WhatsApp chat after that and my dad called me a few hours later, he said that even if he thinks that my reaction is over the top, he does think that I'm in the right and should handle it however I like, even if he doesn't agree with sharing everything publicly. I was happy with the fact he was on my side, and my uncle was also on my side and even said that I was too nice in calling them out. My mom doesn't like how I acted but my dad did said that she thinks the way everyone talks about me is wrong and I should ignore them. I'm not sure if she agrees with me but it is nice to see that she does not agree with the rest of the family even with the fact she was basically on their side before. It has been almost a week and every time I get a call from an unknown number it is some annoying family friend or one of the ones, I said that I'm not going to talk to them saying that I should apologize for what I did and act like an adult. I do block every number now and even if how the act is annoying, I still feel great with all of that weight off my chest and only focus on my work and my trip. **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/1674u0y/entitled_aunt_tried_to_break_into_my_house_and/)**: September 1, 2023 (7 months later)** **Title:** Entitled aunt tried to break into my house and steal my money when I'm still outside of the country. \*Note - don't live in the USA and English isn't my main language Hey, I was not expecting to post on this account but as you can see in the title, things happened last week that I wanted to share on Reddit. This is an update on my AITA & TrueOffMyChest, TLDR-my aunt needed money for college, I could have helped her but chose not to because she already got help from my dad and uncle in the past, didn't finish college, and didn't pay them back like she said she would. I told her I was not going to help her, then cut contact with all the relatives who attacked me on the family group chat and things have been all right ever since. So, I decided to go on my vacation 2 weeks ago because I finished the project I was working on in late May instead of July like we thought we would so I started to plan the vacation, Who is going to look after my house (I chose my 19 brother cause he can live in my home free of charge as long as he takes care of the place and I trust him). Now to what happened when I was in Germany, I got a WhatsApp call from my brother about how when he was away to get food, he found our aunt's car next to the house, and when he went to check he found that she broke the door and was looking throw my staff to most likely to find something of valuable to steal and she most likely didn't know my brother is temporarily live there and thought my house is empty. He called her out and said if she didn't get out, he would call the police and Dad (he didn't want to handle the cops by himself) to try and threaten her. She refused and said that I owed her because now she has to take loans to continue college and she believed that I should help pay her loans because I didn't help her back in January. He ended up calling the cops and messaging our dad and when she realized she went to her car and drove off. When the cops and dad came, he told them what happened and showed the camera footage which shows how she broke the door went through my staff, and wrecked the place. The cops took a copy of the footage and told my dad that they would handle the rest and keep in contact with him when they finished with her. He told me they caught her later in the night in her friend's apartment and they were going to charge her with breaking and damaging my property (my TV, PS5, part of my games collecting, my gaming PC, and some stuff I don't care about as much as them). So now she is in jail and has a court hearing and I need to be in the trial (Luckily my dad's Lawyer managed to only need me to be through Zoom instead of coming back to my country for the trial as long as my dad will be there to represent me as well). Well, I feel like shit on my vacation even though it has been a week, I didn’t know my aunt was capable of doing something like that, and some of the games she damaged are old favorites of mine (Pokémon Colosseum & Platinum, SMT: Digital Devil Saga & Nocturne, Persona 3:FES, Resident Evil 4, and more). now I hope that when I get to France there won't be any more bad news and I can enjoy the rest of my vacation, At this point I just hope the train ride will be nice. **Edit (Same Post): September 2, 2023 (Next Day)** Hey guys, sorry for not responding I had a train to France 3 hours after uploading the post and immediately went to sleep after getting going to the hotel, Thanks for all the support in the comments. Now about what I'm going to do, I will press charges against her for all the staff she damages she did to my staff. I'm not going to go easy on her for what she did and if anyone in my family will be against me, they can go fuck themself. Tomorrow I will have a Zoom call with the Lawyer to see if I can get her to pay for the market rate of all the games she destroyed because most of them are GameCube/DS or ps2/3 games, so they are hard to get now and you can't even get them in my country and because most of them were in good condition. I believe it will be easy to force her to pay for new or at least 2used at best. The trial is on the 12th of September so I will update at least a day later about how it went. Now I'm going to enjoy my time in Frace and have the time of my life here before the trial. **\*\*\*\*\*New Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/16hnq9r/my_entitled_aunt_broke_into_my_house_to_try_to/)**: September 13, 2023 (11 days after last edit)\*\*\*\*\*** \*Note - don't live in the USA and English isn't my main language TLDR - My aunt needed money for college, I could have helped her but chose not to because she already got help from my dad and uncle in the past, didn't finish college, and didn't pay them back like she said she would. I told her I was not going to help her, then cut contact with all the relatives who attacked me on the family group chat and things have been all right ever since. On August 26 my aunt broke into my house and damaged my property because I didn't help her and was arrested after that and there was a trial, the trial was yesterday. Hey guys, it has been a nice 2 weeks and my time in Paris was great. So, let's get to what happened in the trial. The trial was longer than I thought it would be, we were there for an hour and a half. In the trial, her lawyer said to her defense my aunt had a manic episode because of her not doing well in classes to the point she had to retake 2 classes in the summer and if she didn't take them she would have to repeat her first year and also because she was a recovering drug addict (something I didn't know) she chose to use weed with her friend group and that when the idea to rob me came and she did it. As you can see, the defense wasn't good, I mean weed only became legal for medical purposes recently. I mean even her lawyer looked like she didn't have enough to work with, and the judge didn't look happy with this. As some of you suggested, I told my lawyer that the stuff she destroyed (like my computer and games) were important stuff to me and that I lost the data from the games that I accumulated in almost 20 years (not true btw, I have everything save up as roms on my SD card in my room, I just didn't tell that to anyone, thank god I did this) and he believes that she should also reimburse me for this stuff for market value as long as the other stuff like my door, fence furnishers and more stuff. I did my best to look sad when I was questioned about the whole thing, unlike my aunt who looked like she was faking it. After all of this, the judge came with her sentence. She has to serve 3 years in jail (not because of breaking into my house, but because there was illegal weed in her car) but can get released early if she acts well in jail. She now owes me 8,200$ for all the damage she caused, the amount of money for all the stuff she destroyed (as well as the games, they took almost 2k$ by themselves). Luckily, she can pay with her car and some of her expensive stuff I didn’t know she had according to my dad, so I'll get the money eventually. Well, now she is in jail and I'm sure that some of my family (The younger one who liked her or the older course I don't know, it seems that my close family are fully with me after realizing how bad she was) will hate my guts with some of the messages I got in the past 3 weeks, calling me selfish, an entitled prick, a backstabber, a smock and more staff that are way worse than that. Well, this is probably the last of this whole entitled aunt staff and I'm going to enjoy the rest of my vacation, tomorrow I will go to London and have fun there. BTW, if you ever see this somehow, Meseret, hope your time in jail was fun, and go fuck yourself for all you did. I also hope you changed as a person in the last years, but I will never speak to you again.

Final Update: Saga of an Entitled Aunt

NEW UPDATE

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16nbghr/final_update_saga_of_an_entitled_aunt/

16nr6ty

**I AM NOT OOP.** OOP is u/ShinyBumbleberry, posting in r/SexWorkers. NOTE: While the sub itself is NSFW because of the subject matter, there is no NSFW material outside of mentions of the profession and breif, non explicit description of drugged sex. Fun fact to hide spoilers: Nile crocodiles were thought to be just one species until 2011! One is the larger, more aggressive species, while the other is smaller and shows signs of domestication! Triggers: >!Drug use, slight first person POV of altered states!< Mood spoiler: >!A good time was had by all!!< &#x200B; ◈ ◈ ◈ # Hiring a sex worker to be my trip sitter? (magic mushrooms) [*September 27, 2020*](https://www.reddit.com/r/SexWorkers/comments/j0sklj/hiring_a_sex_worker_to_be_my_trip_sitter_magic/) &#x200B; Hi everyone, first post here. This question may be a bit unusual and requires some explanation. **Background:** I (41m) have been visiting sex workers for several years, and I've used psilocybin mushrooms about twice a year for 15 years, but I've never combined these activities. Both activities are legal where I live. I respect the power of psychedelic plants; I believe that they can be used in a healthy and responsible manner for both recreation and personal growth, and I have sufficient experience to control myself during an intense solo trip. I'm also comfortable with my lifestyle choice of visiting sex workers, and I always do my best to be respectful by being clean and polite when visiting a SW. I've often had the desire to be with a woman during my previous shroom trips; to experience the sensations of touching, cuddling, kissing, and more during the trip. For those who've never experienced the effects of these wonderful plants, shrooms can amplify sensations in ways that are difficult to articulate. In the context of sexual excitement, I'd describe it as a feeling of regressing back to virginity/puberty, where every sense (touch, taste, smell, etc.) is like a new experience. But it's actually even more intense than that. **To clear up some common myths:** Shrooms may cause visual distortions and/or patterns, but they do not make a person hallucinate (i.e. perceive things or people that aren't really there), nor do they cause a person to lose control of their own actions (so-called "voodoo pharmacology"). Shrooms are not poisonous or toxic; you cannot die just by taking them. The biggest danger from shrooms is psychological issues, which is extremely rare, but can happen if a person is either not respectful of their power, takes too much, and/or already has existing mental issues (e.g. depression). **My current situation:** I've been visiting a SW (let's call her L) about twice a month for the last year or so (except during lockdown). She seems genuine; I really enjoy our time together, and L seems to enjoy our sessions too. L is very sweet, playful, and friendly. We spend some nice time just talking about things in addition to the physical fun. That said, I acknowledge that L spends time with me because I'm paying her, and I respect that. L isn't secretive about having a boyfriend, nor am I interested in a real relationship (hence why I'm visiting her in the first place), so we're both clear on our respective situations. During our last meeting, I raised the idea of L being my "sober trip sitter with benefits" and briefly explain what I had in mind, and she responded very positively. L smokes weed regularly (mainly just to sleep) and has taken MDMA (ecstasy) once before, but she doesn't have any experience with psychedelics, so she won't be familiar with how my demeanor is likely to change during the trip. In case I decide to go through with this, I'd like both of us to feel as comfortable as possible. **This is my plan:** * I'll visit L again before the trip to discuss details. I'll pay her for a longer session to make sure we have enough extra time to discuss details, expectations, and any questions/conditions she might have of me (she has suggested that I just call her to discuss details by phone, but I'd feel guilty taking up her time for free, and I don't want to rush this discussion). * Assuming the discussion goes well, I'll hire L for a 6-hour outcall (escort) session. A mushroom trip lasts about 4-5 hours, and I'd strongly prefer that she doesn't leave me in the middle of the trip, so this will give me sufficient time to go through the entire trip together with her. * I'll make sure that I and my home are very clean and presentable prior to L's arrival, and make sure to have anything available that she might need or want during her visit. * I'll set up the music for the duration of the trip, and I'm willing to take L's preferences into consideration if she has any (within reason; some music just wouldn't be appropriate for tripping). I normally make a playlist before a trip because I prefer to avoid the need to select music during the trip itself, since ordinarily simple tasks can be somewhat mentally strenuous during a trip. * I want to make sure L is comfortable in my home before I take the shrooms, so I won't take them until she arrives and I'm confident enough that she's comfortable. * I'll take half the dose that I'd normally use when tripping solo. I don't want the trip to be too intense because otherwise I'm likely to become too inwardly focused and uninterested in sex, which would run counter to the objective. * I don't expect to get physical with L during the first 60-90 minutes after taking the shrooms, but I'm not really sure what we'll do during this period. I always find the initial stage of a trip to be the most discomforting, since it usually just consists of waiting for the effects to begin. * I'll probably want to take things very slowly once we start physical interaction, i.e. very gentle massage. I'm thinking of asking L to treat me as if I were a virgin, since it's very likely to feel that way to me. Additionally, my goal is not just to orgasm; I feel that sex is a journey rather than a destination, and I think this will be especially true for this experience. * With regards to sexual activities, I won't ask or expect L to do anything unusual or outside of what we'd normally do. Our usual activities are pretty "vanilla", and we always practice safe sex. **I'd like to hear your thoughts on my idea, especially with regards to the following points:** 1. I've spent several years thinking about this and considering the right person to do it. L is not the first lady I've asked, nor the first who has agreed, but she is the first who feels right for it. Nevertheless, L is a sex worker with all of the usual boundaries that this implies, so with this in mind, should I reconsider, or am I being overly cautious? 2. Considering that I've never had a sex worker visit me at home (I normally visit them), what can I do to make L comfortable in my home that I might not have thought of? 3. My demeanor is likely to be slower, gentler, and a little more outwardly disconnected than when sober, especially during the peak of the trip, which I will explain to L beforehand. What else should I do to prepare L for changes in my normal behavior? 4. Music is an important aspect of tripping for me; I prefer to keep things very mellow and minimal during the peak. I want to strike the right balance for the comfort of both of us, but I think most familiar/mainstream music might be too much for me to handle during the trip, whereas my usual choices might be a bit too unconventional or unfamiliar for L. Chill-out music would probably be the safest option, but not the most inspiring. How should I prepare the music selection to accommodate both of us? 5. Shrooms can sometimes make me feel very "sensual" but not necessarily "sexual". How should I prepare L with regards to the possibility that I may not be able/willing to perform sexually to my usual level, even though I'll probably still be able to enjoy and appreciate whatever we're doing together? That's not to say I would willfully neglect L's enjoyment, but I'll probably need to take things a lot slower than we normally would. 6. Are there any other things I should consider that I might not have thought of? I'd be very interested to hear what other sex workers think of my request. I appreciate that it's a very unusual request that many (most?) SW's would not be comfortable to agree to in the first place. But assuming that a SW agrees, what should the SW expect from the client, and what might a SW ask of a client to make sure they're comfortable with this situation? J**ust to be absolutely clear: L will stay sober during this session.** I'd never ask another person to take a psychedelic drug on my behalf - not even a very close friend, and not for any amount of money - and this goes especially for someone with no experience in an unfamiliar environment. Please also feel free to let me know if anything is unclear about my plan and I'll try to add more information! &#x200B; ◈ ◈ ◈ # I hired a provider to be my trip sitter (magic mushrooms) and had the most wonderful evening of my life! I appreciate you all so much! [*January 17, 2021*](https://www.reddit.com/r/SexWorkers/comments/kzezvs/i_hired_a_provider_to_be_my_trip_sitter_magic/) &#x200B; Hey everyone! This post is a follow up to my first post in September: [Hiring a sex worker to be my trip sitter? (magic mushrooms)](https://www.reddit.com/r/SexWorkers/comments/j0sklj/hiring_a_sex_worker_to_be_my_trip_sitter_magic/). Some readers expressed interest in a follow-up, so here it is! **Disclaimer:** Please don't take this post as advice. I do not advocate clients and/or providers tripping together. Psychedelic drugs are powerful tools that should be respected and never taken lightly. This post is about my own experience only. Every psychedelic experience will be different depending on yourself, your state of mind, who you're with, and your environment. Only trip in safe places with people you trust! **Preparation:** We originally scheduled a mid-November appointment, but circumstances forced us to postpone until January. The upside of this is that we had a lot of extra time to discuss ideas and fine-tune things over several regular appointments between then and now. Here's what we arranged: * **I shared my original post with L.** I also shared details of my previous trip experiences, including a full account of my most recent trip. * **I created a rough itinerary of the evening and shared it with L** (as suggested by a member of this sub). The itinerary gave an outline of what we might do and how I might feel during different stages of the trip. * **We made a 6 hour outcall appointment to my home.** This was an evening appointment because I prefer to trip during darker hours. * **I created a playlist for the evening.** We discussed preferences beforehand and L mentioned a few artists and songs, but she left it mostly to my judgement and preference. The resulting playlist was approx 20% content based on her suggestions, although I tried to keep the other 80% within the realms of general acceptability (nothing too weird or intense). I shared the YouTube playlist with L so she could check it out prior to our appointment. * **I arranged lighting for the evening.** I have a set of programmable smart bulbs that I used to create a light sequence to go with the trip. This means that the lights start off looking normal, but gradually dim and become more colorful as the trip becomes more intense, eventually making the room very dark and creating a nice ambiance that slowly varies. There are no sudden changes, strobes, or anything like that; just slow transitions between different color combinations and brightness's. I sent L a short time-lapse of this to give her an idea of what to expect. * **Prepared the environment.** We normally spend our regular appointments in the bedroom, but I vastly prefer to trip in the living room due to the lighting and speakers. So we stacked two single mattresses next to the couch to form a kind of double bed, as the height of the two mattresses happened to align perfectly with the couch. We didn't even use the bedroom! * **I cleaned my home pretty thoroughly on the day of the trip.** Not only out of respect for L's comfort, but also tripping isn't as fun when you know you've got things to do the next day. * **We scheduled a delivery of sushi and appetizers for 8pm** (as suggested from another member of this sub). This was mainly intended for L, as I often tend to lose my appetite during a trip, but I actually managed to eat a fair bit anyway (tasting different things during a trip is an experience in itself!). **The Appointment:** I won't bore you with a full account of the entire evening, so I've summarized some of my main thoughts below. * L is such a wonderful person and was incredibly understanding of what I was going through, especially during the onset, which is always the most difficult part for me. She knew exactly what to do to alleviate my discomfort and how to turn it into my easiest onset ever, even when it meant deviating from the itinerary. As we relaxed and chatted later in the trip, I often felt as though she was tripping with me! * Feelings of spiritual connection are hugely amplified. I love DFK and normally just kinda lose myself in those moments, but I really gained a lot of appreciation for just how incredibly intimate it is. This may sound strange, but the feeling of connecting with L in this way completely overshadowed any sexual aspect of it during early parts of the trip. * I had some concern over how I might respond to such intense feelings (I made L aware of this beforehand), but a solid understanding and respect for our relationship and boundaries meant that this never became an issue. * This point may be controversial here, but I really gained more appreciation for how L enjoys spending time with me, and how good she is at what she does. Yes, I know it's about the money and I'm sure someone is getting ready to jump in to tell me that I fell for an act, but it's very clear to me that L enjoys what she does. * I'm not going to write erotica here, but suffice to say, sex on shrooms is such an incredible experience. There's something so much more "primal" about it, which contrasts oddly with the higher level feeling of spiritual connection that I mentioned above. It also made me appreciate how sex is a full-body experience (at least for me), and not only about penetration. * We spent most of evening just lying together, cuddling, talking, and doing things other than sex, but that's probably not surprising for a 6 hour appointment. L is so smart and I can learn so much from listening to what she has to say! * L said I seemed much more relaxed than usual, and I was smiling a whole lot throughout the evening. She also expressed an interest in tripping herself, so she was very interested to see the effects on me, and said it gave her more confidence to try it herself. * We talked a lot about sex work. We're both in a similar position that we're comfortable that there's nothing wrong with it (L as a provider, and me as a client), yet we're still not comfortable enough to be open about it with people we know, despite being legal in our country. We both wish we had the confidence to be more open about it, so as to normalize it and lessen the stigma surrounding it. * I still feel lost for words with regards to expressing just how incredible the whole evening was. Not just the trip, but L being such a wonderful person and for making it work so well. I was still in disbelief of how incredible it was long after she left, and I still can't stop thinking about it now. The most wonderful evening of my life! **What Now?:** I initially thought this would be a one-off, but I'm already thinking about the next trip! That said, I'm not going to rush into anything where psychedelics are concerned, so I'll take my time to come up with a new plan to make sure things stay interesting. Here's what I'm considering: * **Increasing the dose.** I opted for about half of the dose I'd take for a solo trip to minimize risks (bad trip, loss of interest in L, etc.), but now I'm interested in trying a higher dose. L seems to be okay with this! * **L tripping as well.** She has expressed an interest, especially after seeing me go through a trip. I'm still not sure about being someone's first trip companion (as the experienced one, I feel like a lot of responsibility for her trip will fall to me by default). I need to think about this more. * **New music playlist.** I was more conservative in my selection than usual, to help keep things mellow and comfortable for L. Based on how it went, I think we could probably branch out a little and be more ambitious in a future trip. * **New light sequence.** Again, I was a little conservative with the lighting. I normally prefer a lot of darkness during a trip, but I wasn't sure if L would be comfortable with such low levels of lighting, so I kept the brightness slightly higher throughout most of the trip. * **New ideas.** We didn't really set many specific expectations with regards to activities (sexual or otherwise) and our usually activities are quite "vanilla", but I'm quite interested in trying some different things next time, which I'll discuss with L prior to the next trip. **Conclusion:** I never imagined I'd meet someone who is open enough to allow ourselves to build the necessary level of trust between us to make this happen. L is a truly special person and I have so much appreciation for everything she has done for me! I feel so lucky to have found the perfect person to share this experience with. I also understand that many (most?) providers are probably not open enough to allow something like this to happen, due to boundaries and privacy, and I completely respect that. Nevertheless, I still want to express how much I appreciate you all for the wonderful things you do for us! Thank you everyone, and special thanks to L for making this wonderful experience possible! Finally, I understand that this is a very unusual topic, so please feel free to Ask Me Anything and I will answer as best I can! ◈ *There was a bit of an AMA, as promised, but* [*only one*](https://www.reddit.com/r/SexWorkers/comments/kzezvs/comment/gjpjdvd/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *gave any update to the situation.* *Mongerism:* >What was the damage $$$? ***OOP:*** >I assumed it would be 6 x her hourly rate + travel, so that's what I wanted to give her, but she wouldn't accept that much, and only asked for 5 hours of her rate instead, which I thought was too low. I ended up giving her an amount between that, and also a tip at the end (which I would've done regardless), but I still feel a bit guilty that I didn't pay her the amount I was expecting to. > >But I guess it can go towards another future appointment with her. 🙂 > >EDIT: L just read this and texted me the following: "I feel guilty for you paying me for having a really nice Saturday."! > >She is so sweet! 😊 &#x200B; ◈ ◈ ◈ # Shrooms and Jacuzzi with my regular provider - Another wonderful and insightful evening! [*June 5, 2021*](https://www.reddit.com/r/SexWorkers/comments/nsy4cv/shrooms_and_jacuzzi_with_my_regular_provider/) &#x200B; **Hey everyone!** This is a follow-up to my previous posts regarding my use of "magic truffles" with my regular provider "L" as my sober trip sitter. I'm sharing this experience because a few people expressed interest in hearing updates about it. The previous posts can be found here: * [Hiring a sex worker to be my trip sitter?](https://www.reddit.com/r/SexWorkers/comments/j0sklj/hiring_a_sex_worker_to_be_my_trip_sitter_magic/) (September 2020) * [I hired a provider to be my trip sitter and had the most wonderful evening of my life!](https://www.reddit.com/r/SexWorkers/comments/kzezvs/i_hired_a_provider_to_be_my_trip_sitter_magic/) (January 2021) **Disclaimer:** Please do not take this post as advice. I do not advocate clients and/or providers taking psychedelic substances together. Only trip with people you thoroughly trust! It is my opinion that the usual nature of a "client-provider" relationship does not allow for sufficient trust to be built to facilitate this kind of experience, due to inherent and necessary boundaries that sex work normally demands. With that in mind, I feel incredibly fortunate to have found such a wonderful person who has been open and understanding enough to make these experiences possible. I really can't stress enough how much I appreciate L for this! **Second Trip in Brief:** Following the first trip in January, I had my second trip with L in mid-March. I didn't feel the need to write a post about it since it was pretty similar to the first trip, aside from taking a higher dose (18g instead of 9g). Other than the dose, the other main difference was the arrangement of an overnight appointment due to the curfew in our country at the time, and I'm extremely grateful to L for being willing to do that. It was my first experience of sleeping (literally) with a woman. I actually didn't get the best sleep, but I think that had more to do with the trip than with L. **Third Trip - Inspiration:** I like each trip to be a new and unique experience, so I wasn't sure what we could do to make a third trip different. I didn't want to risk raising the dose much higher, so it took a while before we came up with an idea for the third trip. It started when L asked if I'd ever showered during a trip. I like to shower with L, but showering during a trip didn't sound especially exciting; more like the kind of thing that one might do to mitigate a bad trip. But it also got me thinking: I do love to relax in a nice warm bath with L at her brothel. So tripping in a bath certainly sounded appealing! Thing is, I don't have a bath, and L's brothel was closed due to the lockdown. And even if it wasn't, being confined to a relatively small windowless room might not feel very nice for a six hour appointment, and I don't think the owner would be comfortable with me tripping in her house either (she is such a nice person; L and I agreed that we wouldn't feel right trying to hide it from her). With all this in mind, L asked if I thought a hotel would be a good option? And so the preparation began! 😃 **Third Trip - Preparation:** I arranged the appointment around a month in advance, giving myself time to prepare a new playlist, discuss arrangements with L, and consider other aspects of the evening. Here's what we came up with: * **The Royal Suite:** After several days of searching online through various hotels, I eventually found the perfect room! Not exactly cheap, but in addition to a huge gold jacuzzi, the combination of solid opaque curtains and black/gold color scheme created a perfect atmosphere for the trip! * **Sound System:** Although the room has bluetooth speakers, I knew they wouldn't be ideally positioned for use while in the bath. So I bought two waterproof bluetooth speakers that can be paired together to make a stereo set. The sound quality is very impressive for how cheap they were! * **Lighting:** Standard room lighting is too bright for me during a trip, so I bought a few LED candles with configurable color highlights to create a nice dim atmosphere. With the curtains closed, it was near impossible to tell that it was still daytime! * **Music Playlist:** As before, I took L's preferences into account to create a mix of music that we could both enjoy; mostly a combination of new-age and reggae, with a variety of other genres mixed in. L's boyfriend even made some suggestions, which was very nice of him! * **Itinerary:** Since I don't drive, we arranged for L to pick me up from the train station near the hotel at 3PM, then arrive at the hotel together. We also scheduled an extra hour to familiarize ourselves with the suite before I took the dose. The only activity scheduled during the trip was the delivery of dinner at 8PM. * **Dose (fresh truffles):** The first trip was 9g. The second trip was 18g. For this trip, I decided to take two full boxes, which came to around 24g. Needless to say, this was a very intense trip, being the highest dose I've ever taken. * **Dinner:** We ordered a three course dinner to be delivered by the hotel room service at 8PM. There was a restaurant-style table set up in the sitting room, so it was interesting to enjoy dinner with L in a way that felt more "formal" than the previous trips, although I ended up not eating too much because tripping causes me to lose my appetite. * **Gift:** After hearing how much L liked my LED candles during a previous appointment, I decided to buy an extra set as a little surprise gift at the end of the appointment (in addition to the usual tip of course). This was actually the first time I've ever offered a gift, so it was such a wonderful feeling to hear how happy she was with it! **Third Trip - Highlights and Thoughts:** As before, I'm not going to write a full detailed account of the entire evening, since much of it is personal between L and I. But I will share some highlights and thoughts about the experience: * **L is such a wonderful trip sitter!** I know I said this last time, but even at a much higher dose, I still do not experience any of the usual uncertainty or anxiety that comes with a solo trip (or even a trip with friends). At one point I mentioned to L that "Trip Sitter" is a real (albeit niche) profession, and I think she can probably do it better than most professionals. I can't even imagine why someone would choose a "professional trip sitter" over a person like L! * **I'm always fascinated by how easily L adapts to my state of mind during a trip.** It often feels like we're tripping together, even though she has taken nothing. She told me that she often feels like she's tripping with me too. * **Conversely, I'm surprised by how normal and composed L thinks I am during the trip.** She has previously told how surprised she was by how "in control" I was while tripping. Similarly during this trip, she mentioned more than once that I could probably pass for sober to someone who didn't know, even during some of the most intense moments. * **We talked about many subjects, including some incredibly deep topics.** L seems to be such a spiritually fulfilled and open-minded person, and also so caring and intelligent; I feel like I learn so much from her! We can easily talk for hours about all kinds of things. * **We talked about the trip itself.** L seems very eager to hear about what I'm experiencing during the trip, especially since she is considering taking truffles herself with her boyfriend. It's also nice for me to have someone with whom I can reflect on my experience in real-time, as it gives me some amazing insights into how my own mind is working, as well as the opportunity to compare the ways in which we think. * **We talked about her work (and sex work in general).** I love to learn about sex work (it's also why I'm here! 😉), and she seems more than happy to talk about it. I understand the consensus that sex workers (mostly?) lie to their clients - as I fully understand is often necessary to maintain boundaries - but I do believe and trust that L is honest and genuine with me on this subject, and I find it very insightful to get such an "inside view" about it. * **I gained so much extra appreciation for the work that L does.** I'm not going to write anything explicit, but I do want to say how much I appreciate what "sex work" really means as a profession during the trip. Under a normal state of mind, it's all too easy as a client to lose myself in the moment, but my mind remains engaged during a trip, such that it becomes very apparent how much more there is to a great experience than simply reaching orgasm, and I have such immense appreciation of L for being so understanding of that! I understand this may be a controversial thing to say, but I really do sense that she enjoys having me as a client, and I feel that this is part of what has made these experiences so successful. * **L gives me a great appreciation for how wide the scope of sex work is.** Sex was a relatively small slice of our evening; we spent much of the time relaxing in the bath, on the bed, having dinner, and just talking about all kinds of things. For years, I only booked one hour appointments and never realized just how much more there could be to a longer experience. * **I feel like this was a healthy experience.** Of course we can all agree that sex is not an essential need in the way that food or shelter is, nor can a sex worker be a substitute for someone who genuinely needs actual help or therapy. But I also think we're often too quick to dismiss sex as being merely an "instant gratification", and the services of sex workers as only luxuries without any benefit beyond the immediate experience. I consider myself mentally healthy, yet I really feel that my time with L has a positive lasting impact on my well-being, and the trip only helps to amplify that. **Fourth Trip?** As long as L is willing, I think it is inevitable that there will be a fourth trip, but I do not yet know what it will entail. These are some of my current thoughts: * **Salvia Divinorum:** For those who aren't aware, Salvia is an incredibly powerful short-lasting dissociative hallucinogen. I have some experience with it, but I'm not really sure how well it would facilitate a sexual experience. My general idea would be to smoke it and then just let L do her usual thing, but I might be so far gone as to be unaware what's happening. Needless to say, this would be a very different experience the previous trips. * **Ayahuasca Ceremony:** L and I are both interested in trying Ayahuasca, and she's already found someone who arranges group ceremonies (as soon as the covid situation allows for it). Of course this would be a non-sexual experience given that we'd be in a group setting with a guide and a few other people. * **Overnight:** I really enjoyed the experience of having L stay overnight for the second trip, so I'd be interested in doing that again. I thought about asking her if she would stay overnight at the hotel with me, but I'm not really sure how much more she would ask for that. * **Super High Dose Trip:** For years I've been toying with the idea of a super high dose solo trip in silent darkness, but it's not something I've ever actually dared to do. So I recently had the idea of asking L just to be nearby (i.e. in the next room), just in case I find myself needing someone, or even just to know that someone I can trust is there for me. In this scenario, I would probably spend the first half of the trip alone, then spend the remainder of the trip with L after the peak. * **New Activities:** We've tried a few different things during regular appointments that I think might be interesting to combine with a trip. We previously decided against doing certain things during a trip on the basis that they might become too intense. **Conclusion:** This has been such an exciting and interesting journey so far, and I'm really looking forward to continuing it! I also want to say again how much appreciation I have for L for being such an amazing person for making these experiences possible. Of course I understand that not every provider will allow themselves to become comfortable enough with a client to allow for experiences like this. I understand that sex workers have boundaries for very good reasons. Regardless, I still appreciate all of the wonderful sex workers I've met over the years; you all do such amazing things for us! Thank you to everyone here, every sex worker I've ever had the pleasure of meeting, and special thank you to L! &#x200B; ◈ ◈ ◈ # I've been asked to tell my story anonymously as a client for a magazine. Could there be anything nefarious about this? [*October 6, 2021*](https://www.reddit.com/r/SexWorkers/comments/q2kuqt/ive_been_asked_to_tell_my_story_anonymously_as_a/) &#x200B; Around one week ago, I was contacted via DM by a Reddit user who was explained that she was a journalist wanting to pitch my story about [hiring a sex worker to trip sit for me on magic mushrooms](https://www.reddit.com/r/SexWorkers/comments/kzezvs/i_hired_a_provider_to_be_my_trip_sitter_magic/) to a magazine, and asked if I'd be willing to share more details of the story. She explained this would be anonymous, and gave me her name so I could Google her work, as well as her email address where I could submit my story. I thought it sounded interesting, so I agreed and sent her a summary from a throwaway GMail account. A few days later, she replied thanking me for the story and asking for some more specific details about what lead to the experience, as well as the experience itself. She then asked if my regular provider would be willing to share her perspective on the story. So I asked my regular provider if she was interested, and she initially said yes, but then followed up with some concerns about the situation, which has seeded some doubts in my own mind about it. There are a few small points I've noticed: * Her reddit account was created almost a year ago, but it has zero post/comment history. * Her email address is a GMail account. But from what I can tell, she writes for multiple magazines/websites, so I guess she is a freelance journalist? * I found articles in her name via Google, then I Googled her GMail address, but I was unable to connect the two. So I've been unable to verify that she is the person who she claims to be. Now, I don't know if any of these things are red flags. 🤔 On the one hand, I'm unsure how this can be nefarious if it's anonymous. But on the other hand, I don't really have any experience with anything like this, so there may be something we haven't thought about or missed? I would especially like to avoid anything that might cause any problems for my regular provider. So now I turn to you: Is this an interesting opportunity to tell my story, or is it some kind of scam? Looking forward to hearing your views! ◈ ◈ ◈ # An online magazine published an article about my regular provider trip sitting me on shrooms. 🙂🍄 [*November 13, 2021*](https://www.reddit.com/r/SexWorkers/comments/qsvu5h/an_online_magazine_published_an_article_about_my/) &#x200B; Some of you requested a follow-up to my request for advice on telling my story as a client to a journalist for an online magazine article. Well, the article has now been published! [The Psychedelic World of Sex Workers Who Trip-Sit Their Clients](https://melmagazine.com/en-us/story/trip-sitting-sex-workers) It was a surprisingly interesting read, as I learned this kind of arrangement seems to be a little more common than I thought, and other people have very different ways of doing it too. I think it also gives a positive view of sex work in general, which is very nice to see! In case it's not obvious, I'm Malakai in the story, and my provider is Rachel (not real names obviously). Thanks to Brit for taking an interest in our story and writing it up in such a nice way, and thank you all here for sharing your advice and thoughts on my original post! &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; ◈ ◈ ◈ ◈ ◈ ◈ *OOP has posts in the same vein on* [*MDMA*](https://www.reddit.com/r/SexWorkers/comments/pwkicv/i_took_mdma_for_the_first_time_together_with_my/) *and* [*Salvia*](https://www.reddit.com/r/SEXONDRUGS/comments/wioexq/update_i_tried_salvia_divinorum_for_sexintimacy/)*, but as the original question regarding psylocibin was answered I opted to leave them out. Also, the article is pretty well-written if that stuff interests you!* *A reminder that I am not OOP, and to always practice harm reduction if you choose to use mind-altering substances!*

OOP wants to hire a sex worker to watch him do drugs

CONCLUDED

TheComment

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16nr6ty/oop_wants_to_hire_a_sex_worker_to_watch_him_do/

16ntzn9

**I am not OOP.** OOP was u/whole-lotta-lonely, posing on a variety of subs. Fun Fact Time: Narwhal tusks grow a new ring every year, just like trees! You can study the rings and learn their age, diet, temperature of the water, and a whole lot more about their ecology! Triggers: >!Child abuse, children being given fake medical treatments, talk of conspiracy theories!< Mood Spoiler: >!Hopeful, more or less.!< **Editor's note:** As most of these posts have same title, the sub they were submitted to will be put underneath to help distinguish them. No real fabulous way to do it, sorry! &#x200B; ◭ ◭ ◭ ◭ ◭ ◭ # I just found my ex-wife is feeding my kids turpentine. r/relationship_advice [*May 1, 2021*](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/n2yvcg/i_just_found_my_exwife_is_feeding_my_kids/) I found this out, like I do most things about life with their mother, through the kids (m7 & f5) as communication has been pretty much non-existent between the ex and I since our split 6years ago. Before anyone jumps to conclusuons, no I don't ever press my kids for information. I've worked very hard to establish an uninhibited, open, no topic is off-limits type of relationship with my kids. Even though I've only got them every other weekend, I want them to be feel comfortable enough to fully express themselves and speak their mind freely around me. This has led to several discoveries about certain aspects of their life that their mother has asked them not to reveal to me, something I am very much against. I dont believe any child should have to hold secrets between their parents, it isn't their responsibility and is something I would never ask of them. That being said, they've come out with nuggets of wisdom such as we shouldn't be drinking tap water because the government puts chemicals in there that makes us docile and obediant, santa isn't real but jesus is and the bible is 100% fact (controversial topic, I understand), and most recently that the government says turpentine is poisonous but it is actually good for you. What the hell do I do here? If I speak to my ex about this (or even let slip that I know it's going on) she isn't going to have an honest conversation about it with me and I fear that she'll just press the kids even harder to keep things from me. I don't want their heads filled with this rubbish but I feel so powerless to stop this. All I can do is try to teach them to think critically but that is only going to be so effective when they're getting told all this nonsense is fact. Help! EDIT: I spoke to my children about it and recorded the conversation to ensure there was no confusion about what was being said. They were being fed a spoonful of turpentine everyday by their nanna for the past 4 weeks while they were all away on holidays, but there is zero chance my ex wasn't aware this was happening. Definitely turpentine... '100% pure gum turpentine' my boy said the bottle read. 'The distilled stuff' he said. They even started singing that Mary Poppins song, "A spoonful of sugar helps the turpentine go down." Feel like I'm in an alternate timeline. Thankyou everyone for being so helpful. I appreciate it so much. EDIT: Tox screen wont be happening until we get a referral. Poisons hotline has no literature on hand for chronic exposure to turpentine (let alone in children) but the kids dont seem symptomatic. We will be visiting either a GP or the hospital first thing tomorrow for a full check up, and a report will be made seperately to that of the medical mandatory report. I don't really see a scenario playing out where CPS isn't getting involved here, and I can't not have my kids medically assessed knowing that this has been going on. Currently preparing for the shitstorm that's bound to ensue. &#x200B; ***Comments*** ▼ [*\[Deleted User\]*](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/n2yvcg/comment/gwn5tha/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) >Sorry, but you found out your ex wife is poisoning your kids and your response is to get on Reddit instead of taking your kids to the hospital and contacting authorities? Hopefully this is as fake as it seems. ***OOP:*** >Ex-wife. > >The kids seemed asymptomatic, had I not been made aware of this I probably would never have known anything was up. That being said, my mother is a nurse and we did have the kids looked at. > >Yes, I came to reddit as one source among several for guidance because I had no f\*cking clue what to do about this or even what my options were.I try not to act rash or emotionally impulsive when it comes to my children. I try to weigh up my options. > >My father has a muddy history so even though he's not the same person he was 15 years ago, a CPS investigation has potential to forcefully alienate my children from their grandparents. Thats just one example of what factors into this. > >I wish this were fake. *\[Deleted User\]* >What the fuck? Asymptomatic? Dude, they’ve told you she’s poisoning them. You should have immediately taken them to the hospital, regardless of whether you can see symptoms. I don’t care of your mom is a nurse—she can’t run tests by looking at them. > >Anyway, I still am not convinced this is real, but if it is, what you just said about your dad makes this all more confusing and sketchy. Take your kids to the hospital and seek legal help. ***OOP:*** >We spoke to the hospital man, we called ahead. There was literally nothing they were prepared to do for us other than what we had already done. They wouldn't run tests unless the kids were exhibiting symptoms or they had a referral, even after telling them what was going on. The nurse was very apologetic but it is what it is. Best they could offer was a place 2 hours away that wouldn't open until tomorrow anyway. > >I know what you're saying, but it just isn't that simple. > >And yeah I understand that seems sketchy, I guess it kind of is. There is no legal help I could possibly get on a Sunday evening and no way we could move things forward without rushing into it. We are going through everything tomorrow, properly and thoughtfully. &#x200B; ▼ [*FastWalkingShortGuy*](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/n2yvcg/comment/gwmm8d5/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) >Jesus Christ, record some evidence, send it to the cops, and have your ex imprisoned for child endangerment at the very least. > >This type of potato is going to start feeding them fucking bleach or urine sooner than later, not even joking. > >She is a dangerous level of stupid that your kids should not be forced to suffer. > >It is your responsibility to take action to protect them from her. ***OOP:*** >Unfortunately the only evidence I have is a secondhand verbal account of the testimony of a 7yo boy... he told my mother (his grandmother) who is a career nurse, who promptly told me what was going on. She's 50 shades deep into crazy conspiracy theories herself and even she was mortified upon hearing this. > >My ex won't say or admit to anything and I don't trust her to be honest if her custody arrangement is on the line, it's all just conjecture at this point. *FastWalkingShortGuy* >Hire a private eye. Get evidence. It's your responsibility as a parent to protect your children. > >You can't be so passive. Do. Something. ***OOP:*** >I agree, it is my responsibility. I have zero intention of being passive about this, I just see my current options hitting a lot of dead ends... that's why I've come here. If I'm going to go the legal route I want to move it through clean. Calculated. No room for error. He said/she said bs won't even get me a seat in the courtroom. > >Private investigator could be something worth following up, though. Thank you. &#x200B; ▼ [*FishGutsCake*](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/n2yvcg/comment/gwmub72/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) >Those poor kids. Good idea picking this idiot to mate with. ***OOP:*** >Yeah look I've got no good defense for that. > >Changed a lot after she got her ring, though. There's a reason I'm not still with her. &#x200B; ◭ ◭ ◭ # Just found out my ex-wife has been feeding my kids turpentine *Posts with the same content were submitted to* r/legaladvice *and* r/AusLegal. [*May 2, 2021*](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/n30u9w/just_found_out_my_exwife_has_been_feeding_my_kids/) So I just found out through my kids that my ex-wife has been feeding them turpentine mixed with sugar or honey as a way to worm them, and also been using it topically to treat mosquito bites. They are 7m and 5f. Reading up on what it does if you ingest it (because who the hell would ever think its a good idea to drink paint thinner as medicine?) it can be devastating and it really doesn't take whole lot to mess you up, especially if you're a child. Think... one tablespoon could potentially be enough to change your life kinda messed up. I don't think talking to the ex is going to yield any results and realistically I dont even expect her to be honest about it anyway. My only evidence so far is the secondhand account of the testimony of a 7yo boy (he told my mum/his grandma and she went and told me). Do I have any legal options here? Should I be collecting evidence and if so what kind? I honestly don't know what to do... I can't have my kids being fed literal poison and to top it off they were saying "yeah the government tells us its poison but its actually good for you." This isn't the first time they've come out with little nuggets of conspiracy soaked wisdom like this (tap water makes you docile and obediant sorta stuff) but this one is truly terrifying. They were meant to go back to their mother today but I've got them in my care until next weekend due to an undisclosed 'emergency' that my ex sprung on me about an hour ago (nevermind that I'm starting a new job tomorrow and wasn't prepared in any way to look after them for a week with no notice) but please if anyone here can give me a few tips or pointers I would be so grateful. I'm stressing pretty bad about this, I don't know what to do. Edit: I'm located in Victoria, Australia if that makes any difference to the situation. &#x200B; ◭ ◭ ◭ # Just found out my ex-wife has been feeding my kids turpentine. r/AskDocs [*May 2, 2021*](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/n32pyf/just_found_out_my_exwife_has_been_feeding_my_kids/) So for the last 4 or so weeks my kids (7m & 5f) have been ingesting a spoonful of turpentine everyday, and been using it topically to treat mosquito bites. 100% gum turpentine, my boy said the bottle read. Paint thinner. I've questioned them about it and I have zero doubt this was happening. Now I've wanted to book in for a tox screen and bloodwork but would have to travel 2 hours to get it done, the only other option being police and CPS (both unfavourable options) or seeing a GP. What am I in for here? What damage would chronic ingestion of turpentine cause a 7yo or 5yo child? What are the things I should look out for? Would turps even show up in a screen in such small volume? And if theres anyone here from Victoria, Australia, would a GP be able to help initiate a tox screen? &#x200B; ​ ◭ ◭ ◭ # Effects of chronic Turpentine exposure in youth r/toxicology [*May 2, 2021*](https://www.reddit.com/r/toxicology/comments/n34ywf/effects_of_chronic_turpentine_exposure_in_youth/) *The contents of this post were not able to be recovered. However, this comment was deemed relevant, as it has information about turpentine therapy:* [*SolomonGilbert \[MOD\]*](https://www.reddit.com/r/toxicology/comments/n34ywf/comment/gwnqr0p/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) >I'm sorry to hear of this happening. > >Usually, we wouldn't allow medical advice requests, but this is an exception. Turpentine has been touted as an alternative medicine cure-all, as has been amplified by disimformation on the internet. There's more information to be found here on what that community looks like here: [https://mylespower.co.uk/category/turpentine-therapy/](https://mylespower.co.uk/category/turpentine-therapy/) > >Please seek immediate medical assistance from a trained healthcare professional and take any discussions surrounding medical advice on here with an enormous pinch of salt. > >That said, this subject is very important to discuss and could help others who may have come across similar cases. ***OOP:*** >My apologies, I will admit I didn't carefully look through the rules of this sub before posting. > >I did stumble across this particular school of thought this evening unfortunately, whilst researching the effects of turpentine ingestion. It saddens me to learn of it's existence, but honestly I'm not as surprised nor shocked as I feel I should be. > >Understandably, advice from strangers on the internet will never be a credible substitute for a trained professional opinion (sorry guys!) but I do appreciate your concern and the willingness of those who helped. Thank you. &#x200B; ◭ ◭ ◭ # FINAL UPDATE *\[posted in the comments of the* r/AskDocs *post\]* [*May 3, 2021*](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskDocs/comments/n32pyf/comment/gwssagx/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) UPDATE ON THE SITUATION: The kids have been medically assessed. They've had bloodwork done (testing for liver and kidney function, as well as any other abnormalities) and have undergone some minor testing. Thankfully, everything has come back clear and they seem to be happy and in good health (apart from my daughter being a little upset about being jabbed with needles). There were, however, some very concerning statements made by my kids to the doctors who screened them, both with and without any family present. Everything said has been transcribed and documented in their discharge papers. CPS has since been informed of the situation. The situation has been reported to the police and a medical release statement has been filed with them. They told me they would remain in contact with CPS and wait for their lead. The kids are legally staying within the care of myself and my family until further notice from child services. At this point in time, I've had no contact with my ex since this all came about. I have a tip on a great family law legal representative whom I will contact in the very near future to discuss my steps moving forward, and about making a claim for primary custodial care. My family fully supports this decision and we are all still incredibly shocked about this whole scenario. I am on the verge of having an absolute meltdown but things actually seem okay for now... my kids are safe. I couldn't be more grateful for how supportive my family and friends have been over the last couple of days. THANKYOU to everyone who gave me their advice and support. I appreciate every one of you. PLEASE DO NOT FEED YOUR CHILDREN TURPENTINE &#x200B; &#x200B; ◭ ◭ ◭ ◭ ◭ ◭ *A reminder that I am not OOP. Please do not feed your children turpentine.*

Just found out my ex-wife has been feeding my kids turpentine.

INCONCLUSIVE

TheComment

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16ntzn9/just_found_out_my_exwife_has_been_feeding_my_kids/

16nvdnb

**\*\*\*NEW UPDATE BELOW\*\*\*** (Original BORU post [here](https://reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/QeMG8a0TMo).) **I am NOT the original poster.** That is u/Status_Negotiation35. She posted in u/AmITheAsshole. Trigger Warning: >!divorce, infidelity, domestic violence against OOP!< Mood Spoiler: >!nuclear revenge and injury, but overall positive for OOP!< **Original** [**Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/158e8nw/aita_for_refusing_to_spend_time_with_my_stepsister/)**: July 24, 2023** Backstory: I’m 15F. My parents divorced a year ago because my father cheated. He married the affair girlfriend like instantly. I think he’s a complete jerk and told the judge I wanted to live with my mom, so I do but they still said I had to go to my father’s every other weekend. I don’t want to see him, so I refused to go at first, but it was stressing my mom out with court stuff. I agreed to go as long as his wife is totally hands off and I can stay in my room and not be bothered except for one family activity of their choice. So that’s where we are, every other weekend, my dad picks me up, talks at me in the car because I won’t talk to him, we go to family therapy where everyone but me talks, I stay in my room until sometime Saturday when I go out with them to do something “fun” and then mostly stay in my room until my mom picks me up on Sunday. I have plenty of stuff to keep me busy, so I’m fine, but everyone else not so much. Affair wife has kids (12F,9M) that would go to their dad’s on my weekends so I never saw them but the schedule changed so now they’re there when I am. 9M is fine, he asks to borrow a video game now and then but he’s like polite about it and gives them back so sure. 12F won’t leave me tf alone, any time I don’t literally have my door locked she’s barging in trying to talk to me or wanting to do something. I tried to tell her to leave me alone in a nice way, but last time I just up and told her I never want to talk to her and I’m going to ignore her from now on. She cried about it, affair wife got mad, my father said she’s having a hard time with the divorce too and I shouldn’t take it out on her. I told him he could stop forcing me to visit then and problem solved. Everyone is mad. My mom says she gets it, but 12F probably is just looking for someone not her parents to talk to. I just don’t see why it has to be me. ***Verdict: NTA.*** **Edit** \- Ok, after reading everything and thinking about it for a few days, here’s what I’m going to do. A lot of people suggested letting them have it in therapy. So, tomorrow I’m turning into an unskippable cutscene in therapy. They want me to talk so I’ve got a whole filibuster planned if I need it and no one else is getting a word in edgewise. My father will be addressed as “Cheater” and affair wife as “Adultress” from now on. If that doesn’t get me dropped off back at my mom’s, when the other two kids get to the house they are going to be told everything about the cheating. I’m rewriting the lyrics to a really catchy song to be about my cheating father so I can sing it at him and get it stuck in his head if needed. Guess we’ll see if that works better than ignoring them. **Edit #2:** It’s been an intense weekend y’all. I dropped all the nukes in therapy. My father nearly got kicked out of the session. He was big mad but he wouldn’t let me go home. As soon as the kids got to the house, I caught 12F and apologized for snapping at her and told her I had just been on edge a lot since her mom and my dad cheated and that’s why everyone broke up. She didn’t know, so she started crying and yelled at her mom and all hell broke lose. Leaving out the rest for reasons, but my mom came to get me, the cops got involved, and it turns out affair wife said she would divorce my father if he brought me back to their house anyway so at least for right now I can stay at my mom’s. I guess what happens next depends on what the court says, but I had to go talk to some people yesterday about what happened plus I was able to record some of it so idk I hope it’s enough for me to be free. [***UPDATE 9/14/2023***](https://reddit.com/u/Status_Negotiation35/s/JFJH4fvDUm)***:*** I’m free! It’s been like a month and I see a lot of people want an update. I had to do less screen time for awhile on doctors orders so I’m finally back. I don’t want to post an update on AITA because I’d have to censor it a lot because of what happened. First: I’M FREE I DON’T HAVE TO GO BACK AGAIN WOOO! So, the thing I couldn’t say on my update to my post was things got physical after I dropped the nuclear option. Adultress went off the rails and pushed me against the wall and slapped me really hard. She has nails so it ended up cutting my face kinda deep and the cuts bled like crazy and I hit my head on the wall. I had put my phone on record and stuffed it in my sports bra band when I heard them start yelling for me to come downstairs so I got the audio for the whole thing. Cheater realized they screwed up I guess so while he was pulling her off me I ran and locked myself in the bathroom and sent the recording and a picture of my face to my mom. Mom was the one that called the cops and she showed up right after they did. They let me go with her and one escorted us to the ER and I had to get a a few stitches and answer a bunch of questions. My mom is super chill but she was the maddest I have ever seen her. I had a little bit of a concussion so I wasn’t supposed to read or be on my phone a lot. I know my mom told the cops she wanted to press charges on Adultress, but I don’t know what’s happening with that now. My mom says the custody situation is fixed for now, I’m with her full time. Cheater can ask to visit me but I don’t have to and Adultress isn’t allowed to have any contact with me at all. To which cheater said that was fine because she didn’t want me at the house anymore anyway. I had to talk to some social workers and a lawyer and I think Adultress may be in trouble about her own kids too but I don’t know. So that’s what happened. Had to start school with a cut up face, but my mom’s a NP and she said they’ll heal up without a scar if we take care of them. And I don’t have to see Cheater anymore. Since the kid’s dad teaches at my school and I have to take a class he teaches before I graduate, my mom met with him and the principle and I gave her the game 9M liked and a bracelet 12F liked with a note to give to him so he could pass them on if he wanted. Probably won’t see them again. I’m feeling a lot better now that I can stay home. Now I can get on with life. ***Flairing as New Update as it contains new info from OOP. More will be shared as it becomes available.***

UPDATE: AITA for refusing to spend time with my step-sister?

NEW UPDATE

piercingeye

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16nvdnb/update_aita_for_refusing_to_spend_time_with_my/

16nxgmz

I AM NOT OOP. OOP is u/wllmwallace, posting in r/relationship_advice. Original BORU poster was u/qwerty98765432101, 2 years ago. Fun Fact: The Ainu people, native to northern Japan, have a long history with tattooing. It was traditionally only practiced by and on women; girls would receive small tattoos around ten years old, which would grow until they were 16. A woman wasn't considered marriage material until she was fully tatted up! Triggers: >!No real triggers. !< Mood spoiler: >!Very happy!< ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ # Can't wait until Thursday....My(48M) wife(44F) is going to be SHOCKED [*April 2, 2019*](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/b8kigy/cant_wait_until_thursdaymy48m_wife44f_is_going_to/) So, wife and I have been together 17 years. We are still stupid for each other, and she is the absolute love of my life, best friend, confidant, and co-conspirator. About two years ago she started having joint aches and pains, and some minor swelling in her hands, wrists, ankles, etc. So off we got to the GP, who gives us a consult to a Rheumatologist. Come to find out, she has rheumatoid arthritis, no worries, she starts treatment. Fast forward to a month ago, when our North Texas weather decided to go full mental, and start changing temps and rain/weather by the hour it seemed. She woke up after overnight temp changes and thunderstorms, and her hands were HUGE, worse, her small petite fingers looked like sausages. And even though she had been previously warned about this, had slept in her wedding ring. So, off to the doctors office....where they had to cut off her ring. So, now for the bad, our rings were special ordered from Ireland and custom designed, and have words in Gaelic around the exterior of the ring, negating any type of "repair", and they were designed and made......17 years ago. She was absolutely GUTTED. I assured her we would figure it out, and it wasn't a big deal, but I could tell, to her, it was. Begin Sherlock Holmes Mode. I googled until I couldn't google anymore. I was able to find that the original jeweler had closed up shop 10+ years ago just due to age. I searched some more. I finally found his personal Facebook page, and I message him, and wait......and wait...... I finally get a response from his daughter, that she had noticed a pending message on her Da's page, and that he passed away just six months ago. I express my condolences, and she asks what was the purpose of my inquiry. I go into this long diatribe about what had happened, etc. She tells me she understands, and is so sorry about what had happened. Fast forward a couple of weeks. I get a message on Facebook from an unknown person, until she explains this was the daughter of the jeweler. She explains that she went through all her dads designs and looked up the approximate dates, and thinks she found the drawings, details, and MOLDS in her dads things, and wanted me to confirm. She sent pictures, and I confirmed that YES - THOSE ARE OUR RINGS! She said she would get all of this to us as soon as possible, and asked for our address. I open my email this morning to find tracking information, and pictures. OF OUR RINGS. She went ahead and had her BROTHER, who had taken over her fathers business make our wedding bands again, in her original size, and two extra in two larger sizes in case her condition causes her fingers to swell/change, and mailed them out to us, at no charge. I asked why they did both as mine was fine, and she said it would not be fair that my wife had to have a new ring, and I was allowed to keep my old one. She told me we needed to put our original set away, and to enjoy our new wedding bands. I asked about compensation, and she said she was honored to keep her dads work and spirit alive. Our "New" Wedding Bands will be here Thursday. Trying to think of romantic way to present her with them as she has NO IDEA any of this took place. \*Edit - I rarely keep anything from her, but didn't want to tell her I was trying only for her to be ultimately disappointed. The absolute hardest thing for me from now until they arrive will be to NOT tell her as we tell each other EVERYTHING. So now I not only need to figure out HOW to do this, but NOT to spill the beans until then. (Our friends nicknamed us Mickey and Mallory as well as Marshall and Lilly from "How I Met Your Mother", because we literally tell each other everything) \*Edit 2 - I thought about taking her to our local favorite restaurant, where I actually proposed to her, she's a nurse (VA Nurse - how we met 18 years ago), and so ALWAYS goes to the bathroom to wash her hands prior to ordering, when I originally proposed, I waited until she got up to wash her hands, dropped her ring in her wine glass, and...."waited".....am thinking of a repeat. *Edit 3 - And to those of you saying "I" am awesome, not in the slightest. SHE is my world, she brought two sons to this add water family that were my pleasure to raise, and are now my best friends. She is the reason I breathe, and supported all of us when I went back to school to achieve my two doctorates to advance my career. She is my hero. I wake up every day to earn her all over again. This was one small thing I was able to do to bring her happiness, her joy is why I have a heartbeat. And I don't give a good flying f* at a rolling donut if I seem sappy. If a man isn't allowed to get sappy over his wife, he shouldn't have one. TL;DR Wife had to have rings cut off due to swelling from arthritis, I went Hardy Boys and found original jeweler, who had passed away, daughter found original molds/order, and recreated rings without my knowledge and mailed them out. Was seeking advice on how to give her the new wedding bands. &#x200B; ✥ ✥ ✥ # *UPDATE - Don't want to have a "Click-Bait" Title - Wife's Wedding Band(s) [*April 5, 2019*](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/b9v8sv/update_dont_want_to_have_a_clickbait_title_wifes/) So, I have just returned from lunch, where my wife received her new bands. We kept it low key, no pictures/video, and semi-private. What we did was planned to take her cut band to a local jeweler after lunch, and invited our two sons to lunch before the "appointment". While ordering, Oldest son asks to see the damaged/cut wedding band, saying he might be able to fix it, he takes it below the table and starts acting like he is squeezing and straining, and then places a complete "fixed" band on the table, and asks his mom if that works, she is ASTOUNDED, and places the band on her finger, but....it is too big. Youngest son says he can fix THAT and asks for the band, wife reluctantly and with a look of "WTF is going on" on her face, hands the band to our youngest, he takes it below the table, and squeezes and strains, and makes it "smaller, but not quite perfect" when she puts it on. She is now trying to figure it out, and as she takes it off and starts to inspect it, I take it away from her and do the same "act" as our boys, but this time, the band fits PERFECTLY on her finger, and she has quite LITERALLY had enough! She finally takes it off, and is inspecting it pretty hard, and cannot figure it out.....until My oldest places her cut and older band on the table, our youngest places the too large band on the table, and I place the next size on the table. At this point she's just staring at all of us, and I explain what had happened, and how I was able to find the jeweler, etc. I even showed her the Reddit post. She didn't start crying until reading about the comments and all the caring and support you guys posted. Lunch was ordered, we all talked about everything, ate lunch as a family, parted ways back to respective work, home, etc. She (wife) did mention that after reading all the replies, she would have KILLED me if I had gone full public display, and all that, so very thankful to those that suggested to keep it low key and semi-private. So, about the jeweler. They responded to my email regarding posting the name/info, and would like to maintain their privacy. The oldest son IS making jewelry and doing repairs ONLY to catch up previous orders and work requests prior to their fathers passing. Once it is all caught up, they are closing it for good. They sent copies of the drawings and mold for our bands and we placed them in our safe at home in case this happens again, we can get something made/designed. I followed up asking if there was ANY way to repay their kindness, and haven't had a response. Regardless, my wife is planning on hitting up some local spots and making them a "Texan" Gift Package and sending it to them. And that's it. She is extremely happy and overjoyed. I am really glad it's "over" as I had NO idea this would garner this much attention, and can now go back to our normal lives. Thanks to everyone for their suggestions, and we are grateful to all the outpouring of genuine caring, thank you to everyone that sent Silver, Gold, and Platinum, it wasn't necessary but greatly appreciated. \*\*\*Edit - I keep reading comments about the Jewelers, and this being fake. The Daughter, Son, and an Uncle are all working part time to finish work that was commissioned prior to their fathers passing. From what was explained to me, none of them were, are, or plan to be in the jewelry business. So, take that however you want, I have tried to be as genuine as possible, and have ZERO reason to be dishonest. I really do feel sorry for the cynical way some people live life. Follow the old adage “If you can’t say something nice.....” TL;DR - Took wife and sons to lunch, pretended to try and fix her band, sons helped in the scenario, wife was finally presented all three bands that were sent, and told about what had occurred. ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ ✥ Reminder that I am not OOP.

Can't wait until Thursday....My(48M) wife(44F) is going to be SHOCKED

REPOST

TheComment

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16nxgmz/cant_wait_until_thursdaymy48m_wife44f_is_going_to/

16o10hf

**Likely Incel Ragebait** **I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Gullible_Agency_8338 **My ex gf wanted me to sign a prenup.** **Originally posted to** r/TrueOffMyChest **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!infidelity, neglect, misogyny, sexual assault, possible baby trapping!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/0QQz4g2oEz) **Sept 1, 2023** This is gonna be a very long read to buckle up and I'm sorry any spelling mistakes or grammar, I'm pretty high right now. I (31m) and my ex (23f), please don't hate on me for the age difference, it wasn't grooming and/or predatory, it was love and only love, at least until near the end. I met my gf while at a photoshoot, I'm a photographer and she was a new to the scene model, she was naive, young and fresh. I was recently divorced due to her thinking I wasn't helping around enough, despite her being a stay at home mom to our four kids but sure. Anyways, back to the model, I fell in love with her basically overnight, she is smart, driven, has already 3 degrees, graduated high school at 15 and was valedictorian and drop dead gorgeous from head to toe. I was surprised when she said yes because most models or most beautiful "successful" women are stuck up and want a strapping, 6+, rich man, while I'm 5'6, losing my hair a bit, have a bit of a dad bod and kinda on the poor side . She was willing to see me for who I actually am. At least before everything hit the fan, she became successful super quick, not to mention she started a business that quickly made six figures practically overnight. I'll admit, I was jealous, she had success, beauty, power, respect and money and I was just her photographer boyfriend. Everywhere we went she'd get the attention and I'd just be the last thought. Then everything got worse, she started calling the shots, she paid for everything and when I proposed, she came to me with a prenup, the prenup basically said if we got divorced, I wouldn't get a dime, i wouldn't even get the our lavish penthouse or our vacation house, nothing, nada, zip. NOTHING. I thought it was unfair. Especially since she practically owes her career to me?!. We argued about it for days on end. Then something terrible happened, while she was at one of her fashion shows, she got raped, she decided to take a month off to heal and postpone the wedding by this point. She became unbearable, she didn't want to have sex, she didn't want to go out. It was all so frustrating, then I made a really bad mistake, I cheated, it was one of my friend's wife and it was only okay, but while I was with her I had an idea. I know it's wrong, I've learned my lesson, please don't hate on me, I've already been through enough. I decided to lie to her about our condoms and my vasectomy ,I thought that maybe if she had a baby that she'd loosen up and stay home and I could become the provider, while she pays for our penthouse and some groceries. I knew I could do it, sure my business was a little bit slow but it would pick soon, I hoped, I knew she didn't want kids and was thinking about getting her tubes tied but I really wanted a fresh start, new wife and new kids and maybe even some her money could help sponsor some of my family.. the possibilities where endless. Unfortunately this didn't go as planned. i was talking about my plan to my friend group, one of the guys told his wife (the one I had cheated with) and she decided to tell everything to my gf from the sex to the baby. When I got back to my place, she had a suitcase pack and her ring on the table, I thought she was surprising me with a vacation, I deserved it, after everything I've been doing for her (I was the one driving her to therapy and helped out with her career). Then she looked up in tears and just said like she was defeated and tired. She told me to get out, that she never wants to see me again, I argued I couldn't lose my good life. I'm the reason she's such a success, it was MY photo that made you successful. The only reason why that stuck up prick is a success is because of me, I kept yelling and yelling to the point where she fell to the floor and begged me to stop, pathetic, I told her to lawyer because I'd be taking she court. Here where she ruined my life, she went to my work and showed proof of infidelity and "violence" and got me fired, she also helped out one of my friends by getting him the best lawyer in the city to help him get a clean divorce from his wife where he doesn't even have to pay alimony or child support and he gets full custody. She showed that she's been the one paying for the child support I owed my wife (she even sued for it back). She showed evidence that I lied about my vasectomy. I was done for, even my lawyer looked at me in disbelief. She even sued for all the money she spent on my rehabs, hospital and therapy bills (it's true I'm an Alcoholic and drug addict) I didn't win, she won everything, now all of my paychecks must go to her and my ex wife. I'm working a stupid office job and I have four obnoxious kids to go home too. (my wife has weekends and holidays basically getting to "the fun mom"). She ruined my life, instead of having a young hot model girlfriend. I'm living with four kids and constantly burned out bc no one wants to help me out. While she's making six figures for only being pretty and walking down a stupid runaway I make 50k and have family support. To make it all worse? She already moved on with a 6'4, business tech owner guy,(M25)I saw them together at a coffee shop. She looked scared to see me, like I was a ghost. I tried to run to her to ask for a second chance but he stopped me, I didn't want to fight him because the guy is in incredibly good shape. (He owns a gym) By the look of it on instagram, he got her a Emerald-cut 24 carats ring. I'm starting to feel a little insecure. She always called me beautiful and her dream man? How could she move on so quickly? He takes her out for amazing expensive dinners and lavish vacation. I spoke to her sister recently and he even pays for her penthouse. He wants to only worry about work while focusses on everything else. She keeps saying I'm half the man he'll ever be. I just feel like a loser. She won everything. If any of you could give me some legal remedies or some kind words that would be great. Thanks for reading. Edit: wow. All you are so rude and mean I'm struggling and all you have to do is laugh? Or say this story is fake? trust me I wish it was. I'm looking for help, comfort and what do all of you terrible people give me? Cruelty. I'm in the lowest part of my life and I feel so insecure because my ex gf went to someone younger and taller. I'm sure all of you have been there. Please give actual CONSTRUCTIVE criticisms. Edit 2: alot of you sound ablelist and racist. One I'm not dyslexic and English isn't my first language, I'm so sorry that my "typing" isn't as smart as all you "college graduates". Two I've been diagnosed with depression and narcissists personality disorder. Please be gentle with my feelings. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Sebscreen** >"But I helped her with her career?" >Dissect that claim for yourself. >If the success of that picture was moreso because of your talent rather than her's, why has she been able to parlay that into a megawatt career while you cannot even land another big client or take another iconic photo? **OOP replied** >>Photography is hard. I'm already having a hard time. Why are you all coming down on me so hard? I've made mistakes yes. But no one deserves to live in a dump being a single father. With no support from the mom **Sebscreen** >>>"no one deserves to live in a dump being a single father." >>>Do you even like your children? Or do you just view them as burdens keeping you from the "life you deserve"? >>>"Why are you all coming down on me so hard?" >>>You really don't understand why people would find a serial cheater, liar, deadbeat, who continues to take zero responsibility for his choices unlikeable? **OOP replied** >>>>Of course I love my children! It's just that I should've been a football star. Living the life that my ex is living. I resent them a little. They got in the way and so did my ex wife (which is why we got divorced). I couldn't handle it anymore. I can't even afford help. All I can do is pay for my kids and pay for what gf sued me for. Why does she get vacations, dinners, luxury hotels, and even a brand new fucking range rover???? She didn't even have to pay for it, he just gave it to her. He wants her to live a soft life while she works. I've worked hard my entire life and this is what I get? * **areteedee** >I was sexually assaulted. Didn't want anyone, including my husband, to touch me sexually at all. Know what he did? He supported me and took care of me while I recovered because he's not a total piece of shit! **OOP replied** >>He is a fucking simp [Update](https://reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/5HTYCEESPO) **Sept 5, 2023** So I hope all you are happy. The woman I cheated with got pregnant and since I'm the last person she had sex with. I'm pretty sure I'm the father. The reason why I know I'm the last person she had sex with is because, her husband (one of my friends) had a really bad depressive episode and health issues and she hooked up with me for two reasons 1) she thought I had money because I would spend my girlfriend money, she used to give me money for my boys nights and other stuff. 2) she used me as a stress reliever. -Now to address some stuff, yes, unfortunately I did cheat on my ex wife with my ex fiancee, she had no idea about the fact that I was technically married. -No, it wasn't baby trapping, I just wanted to "slow down" her career for a little bit. I deserve to restart my life. Especially after everything I've been through. The first round of me having kids was a complete shit show. My ex wife was always complaining about "being burnout", "postpartum depression" and "i feel trapped". She was a SHAM and while I was the one working, she had NOTHING to complain about. I hope all you can see is why I deserve a fresh start with a new wife and new non-spoiled kids. -no I didn't groom her, I met her when she was nineteen and proposed when she was 21. -It's okay to wanna restart your life and wanna remind yourself. And thanks to my ex, I can't do that. I'm practically a single father, living in a dumb and poor. Meanwhile my ex? she's going on luxury vacations, going on yachts (the same yacht she planned to take me on before she dumbed me), wearing luxury designer clothes and living in an upper East side luxury penthouse, probably getting nailed by her new boy toy. My entire life was taken from me -stop using my NPD against me. It's rude and ablelist If anyone has any REAL advice and CONSTRUCTIVE criticisms. Then please help me on how I can get my life back on track. **RELEVANT COMMENTS FROM OOP** **ON WHO THE TRUE VICTIM IS** >No she isn't. If anyone deserves the victim card, it's me. She even stopped paying for my kid's private school. She refuses to talk to me in any capacity. >She ruined my career, not to mention how she actually owes me her ENTIRE career. She would still be the homelessness anorexic bitch if it weren't me. >I'm not that much of a bad guy bc I could easily destroy her career like how she destroyed mine. One leak of the sex tape and it's over for her. **ON BEING CALLED A TEXTBOOK INCEL** >I'll have you know, incels are not as bad as you think they are. Some of them are lovely, a lot of them just need mental health help. Everything was stolen from me. I hope you go through the same pain that I am. And I could've been the famous one while she is the one having kids, being broke and alone. >I don't understand why you all defend these stuck up, no talented women who are only successful because they're hot. Get over yourself [Update 2](https://reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/52Q1LIqgMd) **Sept 7, 2023** I wanna sue for defamation, women get away with ruining men's life way too often. I wanna make her hurt as much as she made me hurt. I wanna take everything from her. The same way that women take everything from hardworking success men, like myself every single day. Because of her, I lost my job and I have to work a miserable desk job. All of you can hate on me all you want. But my life was ruined and taken away from me and just so you feminist know, this is why more and more western women are dying alone. I DESERVE happiness. I didn't deserve my life taken away in such a fast and cruel way? Is wrong for me to want a young, virgin traditional wife ( I was her first ever).I truly loved her, I made mistakes,yes, but I don't deserve to suffer for them. I deserved a new wife and new kids, a new life and a fresh start. People always feel bad for single moms even though 99% it's their own fault and yet I get no sympathy or respect? I'm always tired and burnout, meanwhile my ex is going a luxurious vacations, partying on yatchs, going to fancy restaurant meanwhile I have to eats scraps. She took away my life. I tried to get her to pay for kids school or at least let me stay at her penthouse, she laughed and hung up. She laughed at pain and she took away everything and now while I'm working around the clock to support my family she's going on luxury vacations, getting her nails done, driving expensive cars, going yachts with her new boy toy (a yacht she promised to take me too btw). While I'm living in a dumb with screaming bratty kids who ruined my life, she gets to live blissfully childfre while living a luxury penthouse probably getting railed by her new rich boy toy. I wish would've let me ex wife get those stupid abortions.. It's sad and depressing to see an ex leave for someone younger, richer and taller, being left for someone who's in better shape. My life was ruined forever and I have no idea how to get back. I will get my revenge. She won't get away with it. She will soon feel my pain. Don't worry. The underdog always wins. Always. [Weird update 3](https://reddit.com/r/mindcontrolstories/s/RwM7anCoz9) **Sept 10, 2023** Looking for a story with revenge on pretty, successful powerful women **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My ex gf wanted me to sign a prenup.

SUSPECTED FAKE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16o10hf/my_ex_gf_wanted_me_to_sign_a_prenup/

16o67yz

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/No\_Grand\_4260](https://www.reddit.com/user/No_Grand_4260/). He posted in r/AmItheAsshole This is a repost of this BORU [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/oebnqs/wibta_for_throwing_every_wrestling_match_i_am/), though I reformatted it, added more time/date stamps and added OOP's relevant comments. **Trigger Warning:** >!bullying mention!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!OOP ends up decently ok, but holy toxic masculinity batman!!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/obhgc0/wibta_for_throwing_every_wrestling_match_i_am/)**: July 1, 2021** My (15M) school has recently restarted all of the sport programs after almost a year of no/limited activity. Before that I was part of the swim team, one of the smaller groups at our school. I love swimming and it really sucked that we couldn't go for such a long time. With the restart, the school also made a new system. Every student writes down 3 different afterschool activities in order of interest (so 1. choice is your favorite, 2. your second favorite and so on). The teachers in charge of the groups then pick the students. First pick is students who already belonged to the groups before lockdown, second pick is then random and third pick is if there are still places left open in the group. Since I was part of the swim team before and put it down as my first choice I would basically be guaranteed to get in. But now the results are out and I was placed in wrestling! I never even put that on my list at all, so I went to the teacher and asked whats going on. Turns out the teacher in charge of wrestling specifically requested me for whatever reason... Turns out my dad knows the wrestling teacher quite well and asked for me to be placed on the team. I know my dad hates that I prefer swimming, he always says its not a real sport and that I should do some sport that actually gives me muscles. He constantly tells me I'm too skinny for a guy and has made several attempts to make me go to the gym to work out. I asked the teachers if I can still switch teams but they say no. I also can not just avoid the wrestling club because afterschool activities are mandatory. So last night I had a huge fight with my dad, I called him an ass for forcing me to go to wrestling and that I will just forfeit every single match I have to attend. He threatend me, saying if I do that he will take away all my electronics and I will only be allowed to leave the house for school and nothing else. My mom says I should have the right to choose whatever sport I want, but now that I'm on the wrestling team I should still do my best. Also not to call my dad an ass... But I don't want to participate in something I have zero interest in, was forced into even! Also I was really looking forward to swimming again and meeting my team mates... **EDIT: (Same Day)** Thanks so far for the support. Next week I will talk to more teachers, guidance teacher and also write to the principal. Guess I will also try to talk with my mom again and maybe convince her (also will mention what some people wrote that wrestling could potentially dangerous maybe that will convince her). Worst case I will go through with it and just put in zero effort, if no one listens to me. **EDIT2: (Same Day, 9 hours later)** So this has gotten a lot more responses than I thought. First of all, thanks to everyone supporting me. I talked to my mom again, without my dad nearby. She still thinks I should give wrestling a try but if I really want to change she will support me. So next week I will go and talk first to my swim coach and the wrestling coach and hopefully get it resolved, otherwise I will go further to the principal. I can post an update next week and tell you guys how things worked out. Some of you suggested I should go to the newspaper or something, but I really do not feel comfortable blowing things up like that. Slandering the school is gonna backfire like 100%. I have also gotten a lot of creative things instead of just throwing the match. I do would like to show my face in public sometime so no, I will ignore most of the really weird suggestions. Thanks I guess? I also got a few question about the rule of afternoon activites being mandatory. So we have to do activities for 2 years total but we are free to choose when we do them during highschool. We can choose between a lot of club activities offered by the school not just sports but all kind of activities (music, art, reading / writing clubs, gardening or even game design). School club activities are always free and if you require financial assisstant for like an instrument or so, I think you can also get financial aid. But I don't really know the details. Additionally, if we attend a club or regular activity outside of school we can also get credits for that, just need work it out with the teachers. We also don't get grades or something, it is just noted on our final report. I also do not really know what happens if you don't complete them. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Wtf, swimming is very much a workout:* "Yeah I will try and talk to my teachers again, maybe they will let me switch later cause I know a lot of people are asking right now to switch since they didn't get their first choice or so. And yeah, Dad doesn't like cardio workouts and so on. He also wants me to eat more and lift to get bulky like him." *More on picking students/you could compromise and tell your dad you would go to the gym with him:* "Teachers get to pick students to build the teams back up. Put I don't think the idea was to just pick a random student like me who never was on the team to begin with. Also, hard no on the gym thing. I have tried working out with my dad together, hes a jerk always telling me too lift more and that I'm pathetic for not being as strong as he is." *But if the sport aren't mandatory, why can't you switch activities?* "This is the first time the school has done things like this. Cause lockdown and so on. Maybe they will let people switch later on (results came out this week) but I don't know. The homeroom teacher who collected the vote just immediatly told me no I can't change." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/oeao7l/update_wibta_for_throwing_every_wrestling_match_i/)**: July 5, 2021 (4 days later)** So I wanted to write an update after the situation has been resolved. First things first: I am back on the swim team. For now. Today was a really weird and awkward day. First opportunity I went to talk to my swim coach and explain the whole situation and that I'm not willing to stay on the wrestling team. He was pretty mad at my dad as well as the wrestling coach, so he took me to the secretary, explained the whole thing and asked her to change the list. She was in turn quite mad, because apparently the whole system is a big mess. I'm not even remotely the only student who was misplaced. So then the secretary called in my homeroom teacher. There was a lot of accusation. I was just standing there feeling awkward. Really weird to see three adults being mad at each other. In the end, I was basically told by all three to just ignore the whole thing and that I can just join the swim team if I want to. I figured that was it, until the end of school day then the wrestling coach had me come to his office. He gave me a long talk about how disappointed he is, how he had high hopes for me bla bla bla. I told him I really don't care and that he was a jerk for just ignoring what I want to do. To sum up: Wrestling coach mad at me, homeroom teacher mad at me for complaining, swimming coach mad at school and my dad is probably gonna freak out when he hears that I won't wrestle. Oh well... Lastly I want to thank all the people that encouraged me to stand up for myself. You had a lot of good advice. And some really weird advice. And some really terrible but funny advice. Thank you all! Edit: Sorry forgot the link to the original post [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/obhgc0/wibta\_for\_throwing\_every\_wrestling\_match\_i\_am/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/obhgc0/wibta_for_throwing_every_wrestling_match_i_am/) **Small Update: (Same Post, Same Day)** Mom told dad about the switch as he came home from work. He has so far completely ignored me, not a single word. Actually a nice outcome, I guess. **Last update: July 7, 2021 (Same Post, 2 days later)** I wanted to add a last point here. Last night, I had a talk with my dad and my mom. It was... awkward. Dad apologized for the wrestling thing but also said he wants me to grow up strong so that I can defend myself. He says swimming won't help me when I get in trouble. I was really confused about that because I never have been bullied or gotten in trouble or something like that. Mom later told me that my dad used to get bullied a lot in highschool, so he started working out in college and that helped him a lot. I guess he wanted me to do the same. It's really weird at home at the moment, but I guess he is not a complete ass? Still kinda but I don't know... ***Relevant Comments:*** *Why does the homeroom teacher blame you??? And why did the wrestling coach have "high hopes"?* "The homeroom teachers were supposed to collect the choices and then evaluate them (don't know the details). They also gave us the results. So he had to explain to the secretary why my choices were ignored. She was not happy when he said "because wrestling coach said so". And I guess homeroom teach was mad for being called out like that. As to the wrestling coach, I don't know. I guess he wanted to make me feel bad or something like that? No idea what dad told him." *Report the wrestling coach:* "I guess I could report him, but at this point I'm just happy that things worked out. Don't really wanna potentially stir up more trouble." *Still baffled your dad thinks swimmers aren't in shape:* "He would probably say Michael Phelps is way to skinny to be a "real man"... Maybe I should point out how stretched my dads shirts are from his beer belly." *Moving forward:* "Can't wait until I start studying and can move out..." **Editor's note- since it's been over 2 years since OOP posted, I hope he has continued to be able to swim AND that he's either out of the house or close to being so!**

WIBTA for throwing every wrestling match I am forced to attend?

REPOST

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16o67yz/wibta_for_throwing_every_wrestling_match_i_am/

16ofb3g

**I am not the original poster**. That is u/louiethethird, [posted](https://reddit.com/r/travel/s/WYmmcAh7eh) on r/travel (14/7/23) __Mood spoiler__: My girlfriend and I flew into Italy, rented an RV and drove around Europe for almost 60 days over the 90 day limit. We fly out of Italy and have a layover in Frankfurt before heading back to the states. We are wondering what to expect at the airport. Will Italy be the determining authority on this since it’s where we initially fly out of or will we be questioned in Germany as well? What is the likelihood of a fine, ban, or worse punishment. Any advice or info would be great, thanks y’all EDIT: for everyone wondering if we intentionally did this, no. We traveled to Morocco for two days thinking that would reset our 90 days which we obviously now know it does not. Yes we were stupid and should’ve looked more into it before assuming. __Relevant comments:-__ - This comes from a person who deals with these issues - Here is how it is going to be: You will fly to Frankfurt without any issues (still Schengen, so no border control). Once you will be transfering to your US flight, you will have to cross the border - either you will get a careless boarder guard who will ignore your overstay and just clear you (the info will anyway stay in the system), or he will explain you that you have overstayed and there will be consequences - such as placing you in a 5 year travel ban (Schengen). You will leave (and get to your flight) either way. Now, as everyone is pointing out, this stuff "sticks". It will stay in your EU travel history/system. So the next time you will be applying for a Schengen visa - the person who will make the decision, will see this. And that will be enough of a reason to deny you any future non-essential travel visas (Schengen)... but then again.. it will depend on the consular officer's mood. - I 100% would choose to leave from Italy, not Germany. Germany is notorious for taking these things very seriously, and Italy is known for sometimes forgetting to even stamp people's passports. You're probably in trouble either way, but you're definitely maximizing the odds of it going badly with the current plan. - As a German: Avoid Germany. You‘re scewed if you try to enter Germany and fly from Germany. Germans love their rules. __UPDATE SAME POST :__ we changed our flight to go directly from Italy to the US. It departs tomorrow 9/16 in the morning. I will post another update after going through security. __UPDATE 2 SAME POST:__ just made it through security. No fine, no deportation, no ban, no gulag. No one even said a word to us. They didn’t scan our passport just stamped it. Cheers y’all

Overstayed 90 days in the EU, what to expect at the airport

CONCLUDED

Kimo_imposta

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16ofb3g/overstayed_90_days_in_the_eu_what_to_expect_at/

16olfso

\*\*I am NOT OP. The OP's account has been deleted. Her post was in r/BDSMAdvice\*\* trigger warnings: >!Discussion of domestic violence!< mood spoilers: >!sad ending!< &#x200B; [A private conversation with my (30F) husband (33M) was leaked to my family and now they are certain I'm in an abusive relationship and even want to take action against my husband. I need advice on how to deal with this please.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/comments/nf5zd5/a_private_conversation_with_my_30f_husband_33m/) \- Tues, May 18, 2021 (Note from OP: The updates from OOP were simply added on as edits to the original post so exact dates for each update are unknown.) &#x200B; ***I don't know if this is the right sub to post this problem in, I posted it on a relationship advice sub, and didn't get any advice so someone sent me a message telling me to post it here as this is the place to get advice about this specific problem I have. Thanks in advance.*** **My problem**: *Hi, this is a throw away account I made specifically to ask for advice about this matter. Thanks in advance for your advice.* Me (30F) and my husband (33M) got married five years ago. We've been together for a total of eight years. We have great relationship, we love each other, and he had great relationship with my family. We both have this game we engage into via text and in the bedroom were we pretend to be. One of our pretend to be is him be like a master and we engage in this type of talk over texting throughout the day until we end it in the bedroom. Anyway, two weeks ago we were doing that, I was out with my little sister and I left my phone with her to take some photos (she likes to use my phone to take pictures whenever we are together) anyway a text from him came using this language we use, something like (don't forget to do "this thing" you bitch, I better come and find you ready). Anyway instead of asking me about this, she opened the texting app, and saw previous messaging snapped a photo of this part of conversation with her cell phone. The next day mom called me and told me to come at once. I went and found my mom, my dad, my sister, my brother, and my uncle. My mom was crying and saying she's sorry she didn't see it before, and my dad was angry. I didn't understand anything, but when they told me, I was FURIOUS with my sister and them. I told them Nothing of what they're saying is true. My husband is a great man, and this is a sexual fantasy we sometimes play. The problem is they think I'm lying. My sister is a social worker, and she's convinced without a doubt that I'm lying like all the women she sees in her business to protect my husband cause I love him. No matter what I tell them they don't believe me. I even took my mom to my room and got naked in front of her for her to see that I'm NOT being abused in anyway, but it's like I'm talking to walls. My sister is using her career to convince everybody that I'm being abused. I even gave my mom my phone and made her read the texts and private conversations between me and my husband, and I humiliated myself by making her read those intimate conversations about our kinks and role playing, etc. She was disgusted at first but didn't day anything. Then she talked to my sister and came back to me saying that my sister has seen behavior like this with "abuse" victims where I'm so brainwashed that I don't see how engaging in these types of activities is abuse. And that my husband has groomed me so I don't see the abuse he's making. And when I told her that BDSM was originally my suggestion, she yelled please stop protecting him we didn't raise you to be like that. My sister is NOT a bad person per se. I believe that cause of what she sees in her work she thinks that I'm suffering and projecting on me. I don't know what to do now, my husband knew about it couple of days ago, my brother went to his workplace and made a scene in front of everyone. And now at work there are talk about him abusing me cause of my brother's words. I don't know what to do right now. My husband says we should go no contact with my family since they won't believe anything we say. I told him that we should go to another state. We were planning to start a family and have kids, and with that happening I don't believe it'd be great to have a family where we live right now where such rumors are held over our head. So a new place where no one knows us would be perfect for us. But my husband says if we did that, it'd appear that he forced me to run with him, and would enforce these ideas more into my family. Can anyone offer me an advice please? What should we do? **Important**: My husband does NOT abuse me. I'm **NOT** in an abusive relationship that I can't see. What happens between the two of us sexually is CONSENSUAL. This game we play I was the one who initiated it and suggested it. ***HE DOESN'T ABUSE ME NOR FORCE ME TO DO ANYTHING***. The idea to go to another state was MY idea NOT his. He wants to remain here and face these allegations head on. The only thing he did was he went No contact with them cause the amount of harassments he's getting from them. Last night my mother called me and asked whether I confronted my husband or not. I told her there's nothing to confront as nothing happened and I'm NOT being abused. She said that's what my sister told her I might say cause that's what abuse victims do, and if I didn't make a stand they'll go to the authorities and report my husband. I'm now terrified. My husband already is getting some eye glances from his coworkers now since my brother confronted him there and they already think he abuses me. I don't know what to do honestly. Even if I went to a legal advisor I don't know how that would help at the moment with this situation. Edit: This is not a case of my family just shaming me for my kinks. If it was only shaming then I'd have no problem and could handle it. It's a case of my family convinced by my sister that my husband is abusing me and me being brainwashed to see that BDSM is him abusing me, and they now want to file reports against him. My father even stated that just like he "my husband" abuses me he wants to destroy him like he destroyed me. Cause my sister (the social worker) planted in their heads that me defending my husband is the typical way an abuse victim feel just like a Stockholm syndrome. And that I should be saved and sent to therapy. TL;DR! My sister saw some texts between me and my husband engaging in some BDSM play, she misread the situation and now is convinced I'm in an abusive relationship. And she had convinced my family as well, and they're causing us a lot of trouble right now. **Update**: My family filled a police report accusing my husband of domestic abuse. I had a visit from the police, and they kept asking me whether I'm being abused or not, I kept saying I'm not, and since one of the cops is a friend to my brother she kept telling me to come clean, and don't worry he won't be able to hurt me anymore when I talk, it was so much that I asked them to leave and not speak to me again without our lawyer present. She gave me her card, told me to call her anytime my husband tries to hurt me again, and that she'll be checking on me to make sure I'm OK. I called my lawyer and me and husband will be meeting with her first thing tomorrow morning. She advised us to NOT speak to the police again, since in our state BDSM is NOT legal. The reason for that is that according to the law you can't consent to receive pain via any activities like hitting or rough sex, and also using restraints during sex makes the person restrained in the eyes of the law "unable to consent" even if they say they consented to be tied. So, yeah most of the time the police understands the BDSM community and knows that it's not abuse. However, their understanding and not arresting people engaging in BDSM is a courtesy, if a police officer decided to follow the law to the tee, they'd arrest the person engaged in the BDSM act, the one who's in charge "the dom or master". So, she advised us not to speak to any of my family members nor the police until she met us both and establish a way of protecting my husband. As for my husband, his boss at work told him that the family and some friends of the family is calling them telling them how can they (the company) hire a wife beater and abuser, and if he can't solve these issues and if it kept escalating he'll have to fire him since they don't want to associate the company with any any of that. **Update2**: Those past 15 days have been HELL. After my family called the police on my husband and they came to our house things took turn to the worst. We live in a relatively small town and most people know each other so news traveled fast that I'm in an "abusive" relationship and my husband "abuses" me. Our lawyer advised us NOT to speak to the police, and also NOT to mention to anyone at all that we engage in BDSM activities. The reason for that is that according to the law you can't consent to receive pain via any activities like hitting or rough sex, and also using restraints during sex makes the person restrained in the eyes of the law "unable to consent" even if they say they consented to be tied. So, if we mentioned to someone that we engage into BDSM and they went to the police, our words acts like a confession or something like that. And YES police most of the time do NOT follow the law to the tee regarding BDSM cause they know the law is flawed in this aspect, however, IF they want for example to ruin someone's life they can then follow the law and arrest that person. You get what I'm trying to say. Everyone in my family now knows that my husband abuses me, and the reason that he hasn't been arrested yet is cause I'm too "afraid" to come forward, and there's no physical evidence. So, my entire family is now pressuring me. My husband was confronted by one of my cousins and they exchanged fists outside of a local shop. They were both arrested, but my husband stayed locked up for sometime and my brother's friend (the officer that came to our home) roughed him up pretty bad there, calling him a wife beater and an animal and all other vile words. As I mentioned the word got around very fast, and a week and couple of days ago my husband was fired from his job. Our lawyer told us we can sue the company but my husband refused since the only thing he wants now is to move to another state and put this nightmare behind him. Our lawyer issued a restraining order against almost all of my family members including my mom, dad, brother, and sister, and she made sure that these orders specify that they can't even contact my husband at all even via text or emails. My husband since then was preparing himself to move away. And last night he went to another state. He'll be staying with one of his childhood friends till he finds a place to rent. He told me to stay for a bit and not follow him right away cause he needs a break from everything. That I don't really understand, I was abused just like him but whatever. Of course all of this drove a big wedge between me and him. And a couple of night before we got into a fight and he said to me that if I didn't suggest and encourage him to get into the BDSM with me non of these things would have happened, and we both exchanged some hurtful words. Well, now he's in another state. He doesn't pick up my calls since yesterday. He just texted me that he's at his destination and safe. Before he left he told me that if I chose to follow him he will never engage in any kind of BDSM activity with me again, never ever again and that I need to think about it clearly to decide if I want to remain married to him or not without those activities especially that I was the one who pushed for them before. I really don't understand why he's punishing me like that it's not like I had anything to do in this shit show. Anyway, that's the situation right now. I'm here and he's there. And I have a lot of thinking and decisions to make. My family all are sending me texts to congratulate me that I "pushed" him away! I keep sending them back to leave me alone and never contact me again. Finally, I want to thank everyone of you for your support. And I wish that no one EVER encounter anything like what happened to me EVER. I wish you all a happy life. Sorry if my thoughts are all scattered but I'm really in a bad place, I just decided to write and vent here maybe I can feel some kind of relief doing that. **Update3**: My husband opened his phone and sent me this one message then closed it once again: "*Please stop trying to reach me, I don't want to talk to you. I'm OK and well. By the way I changed my place to another one so don't call X (his friend) I'm not staying at his place and I don't want to know where I'm right now. I don't feel like talking to you or anyone that we know for some time. Respect that and stay the fuck away. I don't know when I will be able to speak to you again, and I won't blame you or even question if you filled for divorce right now, I think it'll be great for everyone and will make your family happy*" After this message he closed his phone. He deactivated all of his social media accounts yesterday, and I don't have any way to know how to reach him. I honestly don't know now what should I do! I called his friend the one he was supposed to stay at and he told me he booked a ticket to another state the same night but didn't tell him where he was going and didn't give him any contact information. So now I don't even where he is at to follow him and complete our plan or leaving this hell place. I don't know anything right now! **Update4: (last update I won't be posting anymore)** My husband doesn't want to continue with me. He'll file for a divorce and I'll receive my papers through my lawyer. I can't reach him any more. I'll be moving out of my town to a new place that I've managed to rent in another place out of state. I'll be changing all of my numbers and social media accounts have been deactivated. The only person who can contact me is my lawyer to forward me my divorce papers once they arrive. I won't be posting anymore about this issue as it's now over for me and want to throw it behind by back all. Thanks for anyone who sent me sincere advice. And the one's who are attacking me via comments and DMs, thanks as well. I know you're hurting in real life and this is your only way to feel validated. I wish you find happiness in your real life. &#x200B; \*\*Reminder - I am not the original poster.\*\* If you or someone you know is dealing with domestic violence, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233) or text START to 88788. Their website is [www.thehotline.org](https://www.thehotline.org) where they have more resources and info.

A private conversation with my (30F) husband (33M) was leaked to my family and now they are certain I'm in an abusive relationship.

CONCLUDED

G1Gestalt

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16olfso/a_private_conversation_with_my_30f_husband_33m/

16opnct

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Throwaway6829206 **in** r/stories trigger warnings: >!child sexual assault/rape, mild violence!< mood spoilers: >!frustrating!< Replaced J with Jack for easier reading from the original.   [**Cut off my mother because she allowed the guy who SA'ed me to visit my daughter. 10 years later she wants to fix our relationship and get to know her grandkids.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stories/comments/166nwsy/cut_off_my_mother_because_she_allowed_the_guy_who/) **- 31st August 2023** 13 years ago I was SA’ed by my boyfriend's(now husband) ex best friend(we’ll call him Jack) when I was 16. My mother never liked my husband ever since we started dating back when we were 13. She always wanted me to be with Jack because Jack came from a “good family”. So when Jack assaulted me she didn’t believe me despite all the evidence that he assaulted me. Jack mom was also my mom's boss so I think that might have had a huge part in her not believing me. So while I was waiting for trial I moved in with my boyfriend and his parents. During this time I found out I was pregnant and I knew it wasn’t my boyfriend’s because we were never intimate and I was never with anyone like that before hand. Jack ended up taking a plea deal got no jail time in exchange for him never having any right to see my daughter. When my daughter was born my mother asked me to move back home and said sorry for everything and she did. A year after my daughter was born I went to college a few hours away and my mom retired early to watch her while I went to college. During the week I stayed on campus so I didn’t have to drive back and forth and on the weekends I came home and I also called every night to make sure my daughter was okay. My second year of college me and my boyfriend eloped and my mom did not like that one bit even though we’ve been together for 6 years at that point and he takes care of my daughter like she’s his and still does to this day. So one day we had a big snowstorm and my Thursday and Friday classes were cancelled. So I went home early without telling my mom and guess who was in the kitchen when I walked in Jack’s mom, my mom and Jack. Jack was also holding my daughter when I walked in. They were surprised to say the least and I started flipping out naturally and grabbed my daughter and packed a bag with her stuff. My mother and Jack’s mother were pleading with me to not leave while I was packing. When I went to leave my mom was crying now begging me to forgive her. I said I would never forgive her and went to walk out. On my way out Jack grabbed my arm and said I should be nicer to my mother. My mother called me hundreds of times but I never answered her. I left got an apartment with my husband and daughter. Got a babysitter for when I was in class. A week after this incident my mother put over 100k in my bank account to buy me over or get me to talk to her. I really don't know. My younger sister just got married and my mother was at the wedding and I had to be civil to her. She asked about my daughter and son and current pregnancy. She told me how she wanted to fix things with me and see her grandkids before she eventually dies and how she’s always believed me about the assault. She just didn’t want to be fired. I asked her if she still hangs out with Jack’s mother. She said sometimes but mostly at church I left the conversation at that. She’s my mother. I love her. I miss her; she raised me and my sister all by herself( well with the help of a few Nannie’s to) but I don’t know if I will ever be able to completely forgive her. I haven’t decided what I’m going to do yet. Long story sorry about that, I just wanted to vent about the current crap in my life.   **Comments** **User 1** >Jack ended up taking a plea deal got no jail time in exchange for him never having any right to see my daughter. File 2 restraining orders, 1 for your mother and 1 for Jack. Then contact the district attorney and inquire about Jack's plea deal and advise that he had violated it. Your "mother" never believed you and was only concerned for herself. Keep the 100K and go N.C. **User 2** Op THIS!!!! Jack broke the agreement. Your mom broke your trust. Leave them both in the dust. **User 3** Jack also grabbed her arm. That's assault. &#x200B; **OOP on her daughter** She's 12 maybe when she's older I'll tell her who her father is, but as of now I see no reason to tell her about it. He is legally not allowed to have any contact with My Daughter. Like I said and I'll say it again when she's older I am most likely going to tell her about him and how she came to be. She is to young right now imo to learn about all this. I have been to therapy went to it for years because the pain he in which caused to me. I still don't see why she needs him in her life. You haven't given me any good reasons the only thing you keep telling me is he's her biological father. Why does that matter so much? She has a dad. Yes he might not biologically be her father but he does everything a father is supposed to do. My husband is her dad and thats all she's know her whole life. &#x200B; **OOP on the light sentence** *How did a rapist get zero time? What is missing from this story?* >He was a minor just like me when this happened so that might have a part in it as well. *Rape is rape. This went to a trial and he was convicted of rape and he got no time? Is that what you are saying?* >Okay I'm not a lawyer to completly understand it heres what I was told. In exchange for J having no legal right to my daughter and pleading guilty he got no time in jail. **OOP on the plea violation** I didn't pursue legal action because at that point it was almost three years since it happened I just wanted go on with my life. &#x200B; [**Update on: Cut off my mother because she allowed the guy who SA'ed me to visit my daughter. 10 years later she wants to fix our relationship and get to know her grandkids.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stories/comments/16ix1eh/update_on_cut_off_my_mother_because_she_allowed/) **- 14th September 2023** For the first time in 10 years I called my mother. I wanted to talk to her more and see if we can move forward from what happened and to see if I can forgive her. So I called her and she answered right away. The conversation went well at first. We were talking about current things in our life. My mom is finally actually dating someone for the first time since my father left her. And then the conversation somehow turned into church which led to her talking about Jack. She just felt the need to inform me how much my daughter looks like his other kids. Cause apparently I'm supposed to care. I told her I did not want to talk about him, but she continued. My mother informed me that he’s a better person now, and feels terrible for what he did, and how I should forgive him because it happened so long ago. “*I should be over it by now*.” I got pissed at her. My mother has never heard about what happened from me. She only ever listened to his story about what happened. So I told her what happened, what really happened, and how her talking about the man who assaulted me will make me have zero respect for her. I told her to never call me to keep our relationship the way it’s been for the last years because she is never going to change. I feel really hurt but I mostly feel really stupid for thinking my mother has changed at all. I don’t understand why I’m not good enough for her to make her stop talking to him and his family. I’m not going to bring any of my kids around her. It sucks that I can’t let my kids see their grandmother but she has hurt me too much and how would I know she won't hurt them somehow. I can’t trust her to be around them. There were a lot of comments on my first post and I wasn’t able to respond to all of them so I will answer a few questions I saw here. **Why did I keep my daughter?** I personally could never get an abortion I believe it's anyone's choice to do so but I couldn't do it. I thought about giving her up for adoption and was thinking about going through with it but once I saw her when she was born she was my little girl. When I look at her I don't see him I see her. The loving and amazing kid she is. **Jack’s mother didn’t do anything wrong so why do I not like her?** Jack’s mother has deep connections in the town I lived in at the time so she told everyone that I was a lying slut. That Jack didn’t assault me we had sex and I felt guilty about it and I lied saying he raped me. **Where did the 100k come from?** This is something I still don’t know. My mother has always had money but not that much money. **How many times did my mother allow Jack to visit my daughter behind my back?** I also don’t know the answer to this one. I asked my sister if she knew this was happening because she was still in high school living with my mother. She said she never saw Jack at the house so she doesn’t know either. **Does my daughter know my husband isn’t her biological dad?** No, my daughter does not know he isn’t. Only really close family members know he isn’t. When my daughter gets older I will tell her.   **Comments** **User 1** Speaking a sa survivor, cut her off. **User 2** I’m sorry that happened to you, but sometimes family is not those who share blood with you, but actually act like one. I’m glad you left your mother and your relationship with her behind, it might be hard for you but eventually it is the right thing to do. A mother is supposed to love their children about all else, and if she cannot see how much she hurts you by talking to someone who’s harmed you badly, then she is not worthy of your time. **User 3** That 100k may have been given to your mom by Jack's mother to try and buy you off as she knows he just violated his release agreement and can go to jail. If she gave it to you directly, she could also find herself in trouble. So, she may have sent it through your mom. I was very happy reading how you have stayed strong throughout all you have been through. I know you probably love your mother very much. But sometimes it's our own family that can hurt us the most. So don't feel bad if you have to leave her behind and focus on your own family. Put your energy and strength into your husband and kids. And live a happy life. **User 4** Oh my god. File a restraining order for your mother, Jack, and Jack’s mom. If I may ask where is your father at. I don’t think you mentioned him unless you did and I missed it somewhere. I am so sorry you have to go through this. >My father lives a few states away with his wife and their kids. I talk to him every now and then but not often. He left my mom when me and my sister were really young so we never had a relationship with him. &#x200B; **Flairing as concluded as the OOP looks likely to be going completely NC with her Mum** **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

I cut off my mother after she allowed the guy who SA'ed to visit my daughter. 10 years later she wants to fix our relationship and get to know her grandkids.

CONCLUDED

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16opnct/i_cut_off_my_mother_after_she_allowed_the_guy_who/

16outrm

I am not the OP of this post. The OOP is u/throwrausedfinances, and I want to give credit to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for picking up the first update. OOP added another update on September 12th, and I again received permission to share here. As many people asked last time, Jason is a family friend who is 16 Trigger Warning: >!homophobia, online slander, child pornography accusations!< **May 8th, 2023**: [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/13tmz3j/myf23_fianc%C3%A9sm25_graduation_party_for_his_masters/) We met in college and decided to not get married until we graduated to focus on our studies, and we have been dating for four years. He proposed to me during his last semester of his master's program, and he is studying to become a teacher. I graduated with my bachelors not too long ago, but his graduation party is showing a side of him that I believe to be a dealbreaker. His graduation party will be held at his father's who has a pretty big backyard, and many of the people from our wedding will be going. However, unlike our wedding invitation list, he said he didn't want to invite Jason (fake name) and his parents because he recently came out as gay, and that led to a conversation Jason and his parents were invited to our wedding, so that made me ask why he didn't want them at the graduation. He said that the wedding was an "us thing" and that he was "willing to compromise because it was our wedding". But when it came to the graduation, he said it was a "him thing because he was the one who graduated", so he didn't have to compromise "because he did the (school) work". When I asked what he meant by compromise, he said he'd tolerate Jason at our wedding because "that's what couples do", but the graduation was about him. When I asked if he'd support potential future children that came out, he said he'd "tolerate it for me" although he "disagreed with it" It is my fault for not asking that question earlier before we became engaged, but he made his stance clear. He said he'd be more distant to a child that turned out to be gay and would probably "let me do more of the parenting if so". He's always been a gentleman and amazing to me, but he grew up religious (parents were Christians) although he's said he's not anymore. I don't think we have a future after he said he would distance himself from a child who came out and leave it to me, and I just want to ask how to tell him so. I'm thinking another conversation like we had, but I want to ask for the best way to go about it. What would be the best way to tell him that I don't think we have a future together given his stance? **Update** \- [rareddit recovered June 11, 2023](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/147c1z7/update_myf23_fianc%C3%A9sm25_graduation_party_for_his/) A lot of people suggested talking to my fiancé in an open space or my parent's home about my dealbreaker, but I wasn't able to do my parents home although I got to talk to them and they agreed with my reasonings. They said they were disturbed by how easily he admitted he would distance himself from a potentially gay child and that it was a good thing it came out before the wedding. I also got a lot of people calling me out for not broaching the topic of gay children or how he felt about LGBTQ in the years we dated, and that's on me for never thinking to bring up. Going forward, it will be something I ask early on before getting emotionally invested in a relationship Because I couldn't speak to him at my parent's place, we ended up talking at a place we went for lunch, and I told him that I couldn't go forward in the relationship because he repeatedly said he wouldn't accept any children who came out. But when I said that, he didn't try to take it back and said that he was willing to "compromise" for me. He said it was better than "pretending" to agree with coming out and that he was being honest, but I told him I was done because of his beliefs, and he didn't take it well. He took it fine at the restaurant and finished lunch without saying much else, and he kept saying I was overreacting and that he couldn't believe I wanted to end the relationship over him wanting to compromise. My parents have been helping me with cancelling the wedding, but he took his spite online He made a Facebook rant a few days after that doubled down on a lot of the things he said, and he said he made it to explain his side of things. He said that I was breaking up with him despite him honest about his willingness to compromise and "not hiding it like many couples internalize things". He also said our country was "changing things that was always wrong" such as gay rights, and he said that people were "trying to shove gay rights down everyone's throats". He also said that you "can't say anything these days because of cancel culture and MeToo catering to sensitive people", and he said that the value of education was dropping because people were "becoming more stupid". He also said that that was why he wanted to become a teacher because there "weren't enough good ones", and those were just a few of the things in his rant. He also said that MeToo "enabled people from the consequences of their behavior" when they should instead "look at themselves in the mirror and how they dressed" too. He never said anything about MeToo during the duration of our relationship or anything that outspoken about gay rights until his graduation planning, and it was honestly surprising to read what he wrote. As I said above, I will be asking these questions at the start of dating going forward Lastly, some people suggested reporting my ex-fiancé to the school in my previous post because they said he could be harmful to gay students, and I especially agree after the post he made. I did receive a lot of hateful DMs from people who agreed with my ex and said that I'd be wrong to contact the school. Some even accused me of considering "cancelling" him in DMs and a few comments on my last post, but I don't see it as that. I see calling the school as something that's important because this mindset is harmful to so many, and he is already a substitute teacher at an elementary school (he began subbing before he graduated). I want to ask what would be the best way to go about it; whether that would be an email, phone call, or potential visit to do it in-person. I have already screenshotted the post he made, and I've only answered questions about the breakup from people who have called so far. My parents are helping me with some people who have called them too, but that is my last **Second Update**: [August 20th, 2023](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwrausedfinances/comments/15wkn9p/last_update_myf23_fianc%C3%A9sm25_graduation_party_for/) I didn't really plan to make another post, but I received a lot more DMs after my update was shared in r/BestofRedditorUpdates that made me wanna come back, and I read through many of the comments there too which made me wanna address something. To those who called me out for not seeing any signs of his homophobia earlier; you're absolutory right. I just assumed the best and never thought to question it, but I will now ask the tough questions going forward at the beginning of future relationships such as political stances along with opinions on race and gender, and that should help prevent time from being wasted on people similar to my ex. I just assumed the best because we have another friend who is trans and was always cool with him, and my ex used to like the posts that he made when he came out some years back. He also liked a post that he shared at a pride walk, so there was that too. Going forward, I won't assume anymore because at the end of the day, a like really doesn't mean anything I sent an email with an attachment of his now-deleted Facebook rant to a few places; the school he subs at/was subbing at before he graduated, and the school district along with the county office of education where we live thanks to advice provided by a commenter who I DM'd for more advice. I also told people I knew about why we were breaking up and showed them the post, and that did most of the talking for me. I broke up with my ex before contacting the school, and I decided on a text because we didn't live together and also had my dad return the ring to his parent's home where he gave it to his mom and had minimum interaction. I was too scared/cowardly to do it myself, so I took them on their offer to drop it off for me. In the text, I told him that I couldn't marry him due to his homophobia comments and opinion along with telling him that my parents would drop off the ring so that it was in writing, and I blocked him after sending. He didn't have any belongings at my place, but he's been livid about the way I handled it, and I'll admit that I was afraid to do it face to face because I was a coward, but he took to Facebook again He made another post talking about how dad returned the ring instead of me and that I didn't give him "credit" for being honest about his willingness to compromise and proceeded to "ghost" him, pretty much erasing the purpose of his deleted post by referring to the same points. I'll admit that I was cowardly about how I handled it, but what really surprised me was when his dad took to Facebook about it too, and he accused me of "cancelling him" for an opinion he shared along with saying that "communication in marriage is dead". He called me "retar\_ed" in his post and that "people like me was the reason Trump lost" because "no one had morals". He also said that Trump "needed to win again to stop cancel culture" because his son was "punished" for his opinion. I want to remind you that my ex was not religious despite his parents being big Christians, but I'm guessing he vented to them about it and is back involved in some way given the post The last thing I'll say is this, and I kept it to the end because I'm not looking for advice as I'm only taking it from a lawyer on this matter that my parents have helped me contact. My ex called my job and apparently told them that I had CP and that that was why he left, and I don't know where he pulled that out of his ass from. I don't know if he was talked to about the emails I sent to the district involving his post, but my dad seems to think that it might be retaliation although he's not sure because it's only been a few weeks. He thinks it could be retaliation for my letter to the district or for ghosting him, but we're looking into a lawyer as I was recently made aware of the accusation at my job when I was talked to, and that is where my focus lies. I'm not going to make any future posts because I've still received a lot of hateful DMs telling me that I was wrong to report him to the school, but I stand with my decision to do so. I really appreciate the advice I received and hope that at the least, telling the school will have done some good. Someone also suggested looking into LGBTQ things to support and give energy to, and I'll look into that once I'm past this job situation **Third Update**: [September 9th, 2023](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwrausedfinances/comments/15wkn9p/last_update_myf23_fianc%C3%A9sm25_graduation_party_for/) I said that last time was gonna be my last post but I really mean it with this one. Before I get into why though, I just wanna say again that I'm sorry for not seeing his homophobia earlier. Many people have cursed at me in DMs asking how four years of dating never showed it, and I thought I apologized in my last post, but I kept getting those messages, so I just wanna say again that I'm sorry and that going forward, I'll ask for political/gender beliefs on the first date to not waste time with potentially hateful people I'm just tired of being yelled at about it, and there have been some supportive comments too. But the majority of them are either calling me out for not seeing it OR for "wrongfully canceling" him and agreeing with many of the points his father made in his Facebook rant. If the news was on TV as we were doing something/eating, my ex didn't voice his homophobia then as many asked. And when we talked about kids, it was wrong of me to not ask what he'd think if they came out; lesson learned for next time. As previously mentioned, we also had a friend who came out, and he's very close to them and accepting. But with that out of the way, I'll get to why this is my last post aside from the majority of hateful DMs My ex's dad hasn't stopped posting about me on Facebook, and it's all pretty much the same cancel culture rants from last time and calling me a "leftist" among other things. I have also received a number of social media DMs spouting similar hate to the DMs I received on Reddit, and I directly blame him and his dad for this. I mentioned last time that I was looking into a lawyer, and my parents have helped me with the search which has been helpful because of how his dad continued His dad posted my socials and home address to one of his Facebook posts (thus why I deleted my Instagram), and he said that he was going to "cancel me back" too. Another reason I contacted a lawyer was because I received a threatening DM, but that's the most I'm gonna go into specifics. I only received one of those, but it was enough to make me and my parents want to be on the safer side, and that's another reason why I'm done making these posts because I want this whole thing to be over soon. I really appreciate the supportive DMs I received in the midst of the hateful ones, and I also appreciate the majority of supportive comments from BORU that was sent to me by someone in a DM too. I really hope the whole thing is over soon because it's been draining, but hopefully the lawyer can at least provide some peace of mind

(New Update) My(f23) fiancé's(m25) graduation party for his master's might be my deal breaker

NEW UPDATE

throwra2982

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16outrm/new_update_myf23_fiancésm25_graduation_party_for/

16p0f1f

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Honest-Manner-1144](https://www.reddit.com/user/Honest-Manner-1144/). She posted in r/AITAH **Trigger Warning:** >!harrassment !< **Mood Spoiler:** >!best for OOP!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16izfw9/aitah_for_telling_my_brother_his_perfect_woman/)**: September 14, 2023** My (20f) older brother Adam (38m) is one of those men who listen to incels online and say horrendous things about women. My parents (both 63) adore him, their beloved son and favourite child, they enabled him through everything and feed his ego 3 meals a day. My brother and I both had the option of our parents paying for college, I happily took it while he didn't, he stuck to the family business and lived his life free of everything and honestly that's totally okay. He's 38 and unmarried (as I said, normal and very much okay, not the problem), he's never been a loner or left out, has probably had around 50 girlfriends since high school to now. One night as we were all having dinner with some of our family over because they were visiting. my brother expressed that he wants to get married soon. I was so happy for him and immediately smiled, my father asked "To who?", and he went "Well she doesn't know yet, but I have my eye on this girl Ella next door, the blonde one, she's smokin' hot and fricking gorgeous". The table was filled with a bit of confusion and some support, I reacted differently. I asked him "Ella next door? Isn't she 19?", he seemed confused and asked me what the big deal is, to which I replied "She's younger than me, you were already 18 when I was born.". His response is what made my already insufferable brother look worse to me, he said "Men get their life together, and when around my age and successful we want new meat to have children with who carry our line on, real young women who are fertile". I told him this was weird, creepy and twisted way to talk about women, I got trashed by my parents. He went on to ask Ella out and obviously, she rejected him. According to my parents he was persistent and she told him "Weren't you like 19 when I was born, weirdo." Now they suspect that somehow I am the mastermind who brainwashed and told Ella to reject him because of what I said during dinner, since nobody would really reject their "perfect boy". They are blowing up my phone, waiting for me at my job, asking for me at my college, so that I can "fix what I did to make Ella say no and make her say yes". I've never talked to that girl, I'm glad she didn't put up with his bullshit though. There is nothing to fix, I've done nothing. My mom is asking me to publicly apologize to my brother at a "little party" they're having this weekend because thanks to me our family has "labelled him a creep" and "it probably got to Ella". I don't want to do that, my mom is saying stuff like "When I won't be here you'll remember what you did to me", my dad says he regrets having a kid so much later than his first because I have no manners and am embarrassing. I'm telling them it's human decency to understand Adam is creepy but they're calling me a hater and demanding I apologize or they'll cut contact. AITAH for embarrassing him? I honestly don't see how but I need some insight from others and I'm going to show this post to my parents since they SWEAR I'm "chronically online". ***Relevant Comment:*** *Dear lord, I hope he never babysat for her:* "No he never babysat anyone, he can't even make his own food." ***There is no consensus bot on AITAH, but a majority of the comments seemed to be NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16jq29c/aitah_for_telling_my_brother_his_perfect_woman/)**: September 15, 2023 (Next Day)** Okay so as I said in the previous post, I made that post to show to my parents because they were saying that nobody genuinely agrees with me and my family was just led astray by me. I wrote that very late and went to sleep, then woke up only a few hours later because I had to meet my parents at this place near my work before I go to work so we could talk. (Also sorry about the chat thing, I haven't used reddit before so I accidentally posted it with a live chat and had no idea what I did, I was sleepy) ***Editor's note- on the first post, somehow it was a "live chat" so comments are difficult to see.*** My parents informed me that my brother had been harassing Ella on social media, making posts about her and threatening her boyfriend (just found out she had one through my parents), I hadn't contacted them much the last three to four days so I wasn't really caught up with his drama. They also asked Ella if she had talked to me, and she told them the truth, that we've never spoken to each other. Ella threatened a restraining order because my brother can't handle rejection, so you can imagine how that works when they live next door. Her parents are apparently furious and mine decided to ask the priest at our local church for his opinion, since he disagreed with their behavior and they're very religious, they've backed down a bit. However, the real reason my parents are mad at me according to my dad is the "family pride", I honestly don't even want an explanation. My mother told me she still hates me for what I did, my father said that he wants no contact with me for "shaming family" in front of others and disagreeing to apologize, but he'll pay for my last two years of college because he's done way more for my brother financially and that's only fair in his eyes (honestly there's nothing more that I need). I didn't even bother with the post because they had made up their minds and my mom never liked me much, so I expected her to be completely against me. I was already thinking about backup plans regarding my college, but I'm glad it didn't get to that. Since the priest disagreed with them, to save "family pride and reputation", they've given my brother a few months to move to his own place (that they'll pay for, probably). This came as a shocker to me, my mom said that if I wasn't "jealous of my brother" it wouldn't have to come to her baby boy leaving the nest, I reminded her that he's almost forty and she started screaming so my dad had to take her and leave. Afterwards I went to work then had to attend two late lectures after work, when I came home I was drained. For people finding it hard to believe because of my parents reactions, look through the comments of my previous post, there's people who side with my brother and call me all sorts of names, so you get the picture. ***Editor's note- yes, there were quite a few, though they were mostly downvoted*** And to all the people who side with my brother because they like his "perfect woman idea", just because you try to normalize weird stuff doesn't mean it's normal. Plenty were saying that they didn't understand why I reacted so fast in that way, my entire childhood my brother has been an adult, and up until I was a teenager I've never been able to even talk to him because of how much older he was, he was always annoyed by my presence anywhere because I was a kid. Now put yourself in my shoes, it's just weird. I'm not sad about the no contact situation, I know that it was very impulsive to explode in front of others, but I didn't want any of the younger people around the table to think that's okay, because it isn't, it's objectifying and humiliating. I have a job, an apartment and have plenty of friends, I won't be lonely and I won't be grieving the fact that my parents don't want me around, it's their choice. Thank you to everyone who was kind and gave me advice, I appreciate everything.

AITAH for telling my brother his "perfect woman" speech was creepy?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16p0f1f/aitah_for_telling_my_brother_his_perfect_woman/

16p0f2d

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/SpringDear333 **AITA for joking about my husband in front of our work colleagues after he refused to socialize?** **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/Y6powEm5zQ)  **Sept 9, 2023** About a month ago, I (F38) was promoted to a higher position at my job. I am now in a more senior position than my husband (M41) at work. My husband has always told me how happy he was that I got the promotion. But sometimes I get the feeling that he’s embarrassed that I’m technically his superior now. Last night, we had a work-related social event. It was supposed to be an opportunity to build team cohesion and that sort of thing. My husband didn’t really want to go (he’s pretty introverted), he also said he had a migraine and didn’t want to make it worse. I told him that it would be weird if he didn’t come, and people might think that he’s jealous of me getting the promotion. After some more persuasion, I was able to convince him to come along. When we got there, he greeted a few people but ended up spending most of the time sitting in a corner on his own and only chatting with a few people at a time. Aside from that, the event was pretty good, and most of our co-workers were present. At some point, I was in a large group when (Sarah F46), who had not yet seen my husband there, asked where he was and jokingly asked if he was as serious and mysterious at home as he was at work. I told them he was the complete opposite at home. I said that while at work he seems organized, at home he’s a bit of a slob. I joked about how he always leaves his laundry all over the floor and I mentioned things like how he complains too much about random trivial things like the neighbors' kids sometimes playing on our lawn. I also mentioned how he has a fear of heights and how he was shaking the entire time when we crossed a rope bridge during our honeymoon. I did say a few other things like how I sometimes feel like I’m his parent. Everyone was interested and surprised to hear all of this, and we did share many laughs together. At some point, my husband walked into the conversation and quickly pieced together what we were talking about. The rest of the conversation was awkward after that. On the drive home, my husband was not speaking. When I asked him if everything was alright, he said that I surprised him. I was annoyed by him being vague, so I told him that I knew that he wasn’t feeling 100%, but that he was acting childish for not socializing and acting offended. He said that it was childish and rude that I was sharing his personal details with our colleagues. I then told him that he was blowing things out of proportion, but he didn’t respond, and the rest of the ride was silent. When we got home, we argued again about the night's events. My husband said my behavior was appalling and that he questioned if I had any respect for him. I was angry by his outburst so I told him that he was only being sensitive because I was technically his superior now and that what was really bothering him. The argument ended there, as my husband didn't want to "waste any more time" and went to bed. This morning, I texted my younger sister what happened, and she accused me of being insensitive. AITA? **VERDICT: POO MODE ACTIVATED 💩** **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **UMAbyUMA** >YTA. From your description, I don't see your husband being jealous of you. Instead, it appears that you might harbor a hidden sense of superiority due to your higher position. You might not be willing to admit it, but it seems like you're doing your best to subtly belittle him in various situations and in front of others to highlight your own status. **OOP replied** >>Its hard to say it all in one post, but I do get the feeling he's uncomfortable with me being in a higher position than him. Since getting the promotion. I've noticed that he seems to insist more often to pay for things (like when we go out to eat, etc) more often. >>Also, he's been complementing my cooking a lot lately which I have interpreted as his way of trying to reestablish what he thinks are traditional roles in our household. * **Few-Salamander-7736** >YTA! You basically outed yourself this entire post from a) admitting your husband is an introvert and then pointedly sharing embarrassing stories about him to b) actively gaslighting and getting angry with him when it sounds like he was being completely reasonable in his complaints. I recommend therapy. Not couples therapy btw. Jesus OP, seems like you have a lot you need to fix at both work and home with this one. **OOP replied** >>By introverted, I meant he doesn't really like social events with large gatherings. Aside from that, he's usually more social. People like him because one-on-one or in a small group he's very friendly and funny. [Update](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/WkvwJXQZqK)  **Sept 15, 2023** I’ll start this post off firstly by saying I was completely in the wrong. There are zero excuses for how I treated my husband that night at the work social. He is, without a doubt, the personification of a perfect husband. Honestly, at times, I find myself wondering if he's too good for me. He’s the kindest person I know, he’s incredibly supportive of me in every way, he’s funny, he's very intelligent, easy to talk to, and yes, he’s also very good-looking. I feel heartbroken about the things I said, especially about the fear of heights thing. My husband only bothered overcoming it and crossing that rope bridge for my sake after all. After reading the comments I received and doing extensive self-reflection, I profusely apologized to my husband, and I told him that I do love and respect him. I apologized not only for the things I said that night but also for my general behavior since I got my promotion and my accusations of him being jealous. Being him, he accepted my apology immediately and even said that he had already forgiven me because he considered my actions to be a mistake rather than intentional. He then actually apologized as well because he thought that he had spoken out of anger and escalated the situation when we got home. Since then, I’ve been trying my best to be worthy of him. He told me that we should let the whole thing be in the past, but I think I always cringe when I think back to that night and the time leading up to it. Things at work have also been pretty smooth. My husband doesn’t mind going in and chatting with our colleagues. Yesterday, he, in fact, expanded on the rope bridge story with one of our colleagues, so I think he’s comfortable. Now, I’m really just hoping now that I can be as good a spouse as he is. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for joking about my husband in front of our work colleagues after he refused to socialize?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16p0f2d/aita_for_joking_about_my_husband_in_front_of_our/

16p0f5o

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/ThrowRA\_savefiance80](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRA_savefiance80/). He posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Mood Spoiler:** >!ok ending!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15p4yob/aita_for_wanting_a_childfree_ceremony/)**: August 12, 2023** I am a (30M) and am marrying the love of my life (28F) in December of 2023, and we are in the crazy mess of figuring out wedding invitations. For context, I have 3 brothers: Otis (37M) who is married to Gina (34F) with 2 kids; Carl (34M) who is married to Nancy (28F) also with 2 kids; and Yuri (32M) who is married to Betty (30F) who are childfree. My fiancé has a brother John (22M) who isn't married but has 1 kid; and 1 sister Tina (20F) who has a boyfriend Paul (22M) and they have one kid. All of the kids are 7 and under, FYI. All of our family members are in the wedding party, with Otis serving as my best man. Along with all of this, we have several friends who are married with children as well. All told, there are 22 children amongst our family and friends, and all of them are amazing kids, but they range in energy and demeanor. So...when planning, my fiancé and I decided that while it'd be hard to ask our guests to leave all of their kids at home; that we'd instead like to have a childfree ceremony. We'd provide a childcare agency to watch the kids during the ceremony and part of the reception (introduction, first dance, speeches, things are likely really boring for kids) then allow them after all of that is done. We were thinking of covering 3 hours worth of the wedding, then the rest of the reception the kids could join us all and have fun. We pitched the ideas to our families and friends and while everyone has had a varying array of opinions, Gina apparently is very angry with us. She called me saying it's not fair that her kids can't attend the whole wedding, and asked why we wouldn't want kids at the ceremony. I said that the ceremony was the most important part to us, and that we didn't want any distractions like crying or kids yelling they're bored or anything like that. She practically demanded that wouldn't happen because her kids are "perfect angels." While I do agree her kids are well-behaved most times, I said it's still 22 kids at a ceremony, and one is bound to cry or make noise, and we didn't want that interrupting our vows. Plus, I didn't want to single out anyone's kids by saying some were invited and some weren't, so we figured this was the best option. Apparently she got agitated, because she said if her kids can't attend every part of the wedding, then she and her kids won't be attending AT ALL. I didn't yell, but I was getting upset because Otis loves his wife, and that would put him in a terrible spot if his wife didn't attend. I asked her to understand that we're trying to figure this out, and she said I'm an a-hole for even considering anything child-free and excluding their kids from our ceremony over something stupid and hung up on me. My fiancé and I are in 100% agreement with this, and everyone else in the bridal party isn't as hostile about it, so I'm asking: AITA for wanting a childfree ceremony? ***Relevant Comment:*** *NTA, but do prepared if the parents want to go check on their kids or if kids have trouble with new people:* "The companies we're researching seem pretty good, and we're hoping that the kids will be fine for that little bit, and if the parents really want to spend time with their kids instead of the ceremony they can choose that. There's no perfect option so thanks for bringing this up. It gives us more to think about." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16jljuk/update_aita_for_wanting_a_childfree_ceremony/)**: September 15, 2023 (1 month later)** UPDATE: First off...thank you everyone! My fiancee and I read the comments, and we really got some amazing insight. We thought we'd get some YTAs, but we got none surprisingly. And it really helped us put our wedding in perspective. It really brought us closer, as we've communicated with each other so well. We also looked at other stories of children attending weddings and those stories are SOMETHING. We decided to reach out to other family and friends and ask them directly what they thought. As it turns out, the only people who are even considering bringing their kids are Otis and Gina. Everyone else is apparently so ready to have a child-free night, and Carl even asked me why pay for the childcare since pretty much everyone we know isn't bringing their kids. So as this point...we'd ONLY be paying for Otis and Gina's kids. I didn't mention their ages because I didn't think it'd be relevant, but just for context they have 7 year old twin boys. My fiancee and I went to dinner at their house. When we arrived, their boys were playing in the living room, and Gina sent them upstairs just as she was finishing up. We sat, had light talk for a bit, then I mentioned that their kids are the only ones coming to the wedding, and that we're still willing to cover the child care for just their two kids. Gina let loose, saying once again that her kids are "perfect angels" and that inviting them won't ruin our "love BS." I could hear the kids playing upstairs, so I said, "like now? You hear them up there. What are they doing?" Gina rolled her eyes at this, but Otis called for the kids to come downstairs. And when they came down, both of them were naked. Completely naked. They also had red and black marks on their faces. Gina, looking very annoyed, asked then what the hell were they doing, and in unison, they chanted, "We're playing SURVIVOR!" My fiancee and I both were holding in our laughter, and even Otis had a moment of stifling a chuckle (He can't deny it. I saw it with my own eyes.) Gina told them to clean up and put on their PJs, then gave a look that would have set us on fire if it could. I said, "well, angels are usually naked in paintings," and Otis and my fiancee both bursted out laughing. Gina stood up and stalked to the kitchen angrily. I yelled back, "I'm sorry, Gina!" but the other two were laughing their butts off. Gina came back with a glass of wine and said, "Fine. Fine. We'll come. But you're covering a babysitter for the night instead of wedding childcare. If they can't come to the ceremony then I'd rather they just stay home. But we'll come." Now you might think this is an unfair ask. But...I'd rather drop $200 for a one night babysitter than a grand for wedding childcare. But...that's an issue for another day. Thanks everyone for the amazing advice! I am SO EXCITED TO GET MARRIED! ***Relevant Comments:*** *From OOP:* "One thing I really want to add but I had a word limit on the update: Otis and I met weeks earlier to discuss, and he absolutely had my back. He was very happy the kids would have had childcare, and was always going to come to the wedding. He said he loves his wife, but I'm his "favorite little brother" and there's no way he'd miss my wedding for anyone or anything. I admit it got me a little misty that my brother was willing to say (and possibly) do that. The talk led to the dinner stated in the update. I'm really glad this all worked out with communication. The nudity I could have done without, though." *Commenters dislike Gina:* "I'll admit she's not my favorite SIL sometimes. When we began bridal party planning, she REALLY threw in her two cents about everything. I think she sees herself as a matriarch type figure since she's married to the oldest brother. She does the hosting because her house is the biggest; she can be pouty when no one asks for her advice first; and I've heard she wasn't happy to not be MOH, even though my fiance really doesn't know her or connect with her as well. I'm piling on a bit. She really is a great mom, and she loves my brother so much. When he was really sick a little while ago, she organized us all to visit so that he was never alone unless he needed rest. As annoying as this whole thing was, I do love her like a big sister, and I'm glad she's still coming." **Editor's note- marked as ongoing in case we get wedding updates!**

AITA for wanting a childfree ceremony?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16p0f5o/aita_for_wanting_a_childfree_ceremony/

16p0fs3

**I am not The OOP, OOP is [deleted]** **My (22F) boyfriend (24M) cheated on me whilst high on acid because he thought it was me.** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!drug use, possible sexual assault!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/GoDvBhnSIG) **Sept 15, 2023** My partner (24M) and I (22F) joined our friends on a trip to a beach to try acid for the first time. There were only 5 of us, two boys and three girls (two couples, one extra girl). We took acid while there was still sunlight because apparently it takes ages to take effect, and we spent this time drinking beer near our tents with a campfire going on. Mind you, as we were descending into tripping balls on acid, we were also getting quite drunk. I'm very lightweight so I didn't have much to drink; my partner on the other hand had plenty. When it started to kick, it was fun. It was funny. I felt like the sand was grassy and I kept hearing Billie Eilish singing to my ear when really it was the wind blowing so hard it was whistling. This is where it goes downhill. Maybe like 4-5 hours later, I decided to go on a walk and had two friends join me because I couldn't go to sleep. My partner wanted to stay in our tent because he wasn't feeling well, so I said sure. Our other male friend who was coming to walk with me told his girlfriend to stay with my bf so that she could look after him, in case anything goes wrong. We thought all was well, until we got back. When we returned, first thing I heard was just obnoxious moaning and breathing. Me and the others panicked so we immediately went into my bf's tent and lo and behold. Both naked, someone's gf on top of my bf. I ended up vomiting and passing out on the shore, but I heard a lot of yelling and crying. I woke up being in my tent and saw my bf sleeping next to me. Honestly, I had to really think whether I hallucinated him cheating or that it really happened. Our other friend's girlfriend had apparently left during the night without letting any of us know, so there were only 4 of us. My partner's excuse was that he genuinely thought that the girl was me. The smell, the eyes, the hair, etc. When I realised it was all real, I just cried and had been crying since. I've never felt so broken, betrayed, confused, and hurt at the same time. I want to make excuses for him and think maybe it was just a mistake, but he full on cheated. Four years down the drain, just like that. I'd been staying at my sister's since we got back, but he hasn't stopped texting/calling me to apologise and say that he's disgusted of himself and that he genuinely thought it was me. I haven't spoken to him since, but I'm so tempted to. I miss him but I'm just so hurt. I'm so confused. Should I break up with him for it? EDIT: He'd been planning to propose to me for a month. He apparently made a custom order for an engagement ring to suit what I specifically liked. Told him that he can forget about proposing, as he'd fucked up big time. For context, the night it happened he said that it was so dark in the tent he could barely see anything and that the only light source was the campfire behind the tent. He wasn't wrong in that part, but surely you could feel and hear the difference? The girl had a deeper voice than I did and smelt entirely different from me (we have different perfumes), and she was blonde. I dyed my hair straight ginger. Dropping the proposal bomb on me just left me all the more confused and torn. How am I supposed to break up with him when he had been planning this all along? I feel like the asshole now even when I know I'm not. He knows I'd been waiting for him to propose for over a year now. **~OOP UPDATED IN THE COMMENTS~** FINAL (?) UPDATE: So much has happened in the past hour. Our friend was able to get in touch with the girl who was caught with my partner because he went to the girl's house and no one ended up being there. I'll try to break it down as best as I can, starting with my partner whom called off work to come to me so that we could sit down and talk about it once and for all (I asked him if he could possibly leave work early as I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep). Anyway, from his perspective, while being in the tent alone, he couldn't tell whether he was asleep or not. He thinks his eyes were open, but it wouldn't make a difference whether he blinked or stared into the abyss. He said he was really dizzy but really hyper, but then also really tired and that all these feelings made him nauseous but not to the point where he needed to throw up, just enough for him to feel the need to lie down and relax. He said he heard the tent open, but he didn't react because he naturally thought it was me. He said "You going to bed?" as the girl he thought was me just plummeted herself onto the sheet next to him. He couldn't recall whether he heard a response, but he said he felt a kiss on his arm. He went in to spoon her and say good night, until he felt a kiss on his lips. He kissed back, and it progressed from there. He said he consented with his body as he thought it was me, but not because he was hallucinating, but because he couldn't see anything. He had his eyes closed most of the time because he couldn't see anyways, apparently. Then they got naked, and she straddled him. They didn't have intercourse, but instead were dry humping naked. He said he couldn't even feel anything, as if no one was on top of him. Then the tents were ripped open and he thought it was just her closing it behind her, but it was us. Then, he saw us and got really confused. This was when he thought that maybe he was hallucinating, hence the no reaction. He thought that there was no way he could see me outside the tent when I was straddling him naked. Then the guy started yelling, the girl got off him, and he went out of the tent naked. He said he forgot he was naked and got so confused as to what was happening. Then he saw me vomit, and then pass out. The whole time our guy friend was yelling at him, he carried me back into the tent and stared at me for a good minute. He looked at our friend yelling and asked if this was real. Then, he realised it was. That's when he started getting agitated, stressed, and started crying because he realised he just cheated on me. Then the girl disappeared and they didn't notice until the guy stopped yelling to ask the girl what she was doing being on top of him. He told me that the girl never spoke, only moaned. He thought it was me as we had a similar hair length and was confusing her eyes for mine whenever he caught a glimpse of light on her. I gave him a hug when he finished explaining. We were both crying at this point. Still are. I asked him if he needs help reporting this girl to the police, and he said no. He said that he thinks she confused him for her partner too, and I said there's absolutely no way that happened when she could see her boyfriend across the shore walking with me. He said that he didn't feel assaulted because he was reacting to it with the same energy, but that it was definitely weird finding out it wasn't me in the end. Still, I urged him to think about it carefully but offered my support because I know how disgusting and weird it is to even think that we'd get raped by the same people we trusted, but that it needs to be addressed. He said he'll think about it. I said my side and how I saw it, then we sat in silence for awhile and ended up talking about the good moments that happened that night. We were both relieved that we talked about it, and it genuinely felt like he was telling the truth. I've known the man for five years, he physically cannot lie. He said he understands why I thought he cheated, because he also thinks he cheated. He brought up the proposal because he was terrified of losing me, but admitted to the bad timing of it. I shared my own guilt and apologised for leaving him in the hands of someone else, for allowing it to go that far, for everything. Now he's taking a shower and going back to work after and I'm shaking as I'm typing this. As for the girl, buckle the fuck up. We finally heard from her from our guy friend and apparently she'd been MIA because she was in the fucking hospital. She got her phone taken away by her mum. Our friend went to the girl's house because he was sick of waiting for a response and no one ended up being home. He then got the mum's number from a neighbour they were close with and called her, and then was able to speak to the girl. Fucking weird if you ask me? Her own mum told our friend she was home safe, but she'd been in the hospital this whole time. She said she left because of how disgusted she felt when she realised what she'd done. She said she just wanted to lie down but confused our tent to be theirs (They were all the same colour). When she heard my partner say "You going to bed?" she said that she thought he said "No sex?" and immediately heard her boyfriend's voice instead of mine. As in, confused my bf's voice to be her bf's voice. So she initiated small kisses and when he reciprocated, she was reassured that it was, indeed, her boyfriend. Completely forgotten about the fact that he was twenty footsteps away from her. Completely forgotten that she was asked to watch my partner in case anything happens. And so, when she realised what she had done, she left without saying anything and took an Uber home. Then jumped out of the moving fucking car because she thought the car wasn't moving and that the car wasn't moving because she was home. Ended up fracturing her arm, staying longer in the hospital for suicidal ideation and getting infections and I think she's being fined for endangering herself and others for being high on acid. She did end up saying that she accepts whatever happens to her, whether we report what happened or beat her up etc. Our friend said she sounded very remorseful and worried for all of us, especially my partner and I. She said herself that she thinks she raped him because she was the one who had initiated it. We're waiting to hear more from him about her and he's now on his way to visit her. A lot about it is still very unclear to us and doesn't add up. Needless to say, I am both relieved and horrified to have heard both parties' perspective. This has been such a big fucking day. It doesn't feel real. We will continue to work on this and may probably need therapy. The situation ended up being a lot bigger than me and I feel that the only ones to blame were ourselves. We allowed this situation to happen, and it didn't matter if it was intentional or not. We were irresponsible and really stupid. We thought the beach was an awesome idea for the solitude, silence, and the view, but we didn't factor in the darkness and the consequences of drinking and taking acid at the same time. Hell, one of us could've even drowned despite the ground rules we put out and despite it being a low tide that night. It was really, really dumb and set up to fail from the very beginning. As for our relationship, we're coming to an agreement to have some space between us physically as it felt like it would've been too soon to start sleeping on the same bed, and to get therapy together. We'll talk about it more after his shower. I'm going to continue to stay at my sister's, but I'll also be seeing him regularly to continue supporting each other. We're both still shaken up and quite traumatised from it all, but we're both willing work it out. We've heard one another and decided to trust each other, and obviously created very heavy boundaries regarding drugs and alcohol. I'm not the type to develop trust issues, so I'm hoping healing from this will be easier than how everyone makes it out to be. For the people that have commented and shared their own experiences, thank you. Especially to those who have challenged my perspective and called me out on my own shortcomings. Excluding the ones who were flat out insensitive assholes, y'all can choke. I thank those who had given me sound advice, those who educated me, and those who had given us well wishes. I really, really appreciate the time you've invested into this. I'll answer questions but I might delete this profile shortly after. Thanks everyone. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My (22F) boyfriend (24M) cheated on me whilst high on acid because he thought it was me.

INCONCLUSIVE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16p0fs3/my_22f_boyfriend_24m_cheated_on_me_whilst_high_on/

16p271o

I am not OOP. OOP is u/ThrowRAnostepson. I have received permission to post this ([proof](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parents/comments/11io1t8/comment/jyhiw0u/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)) . Trigger warnings: >!death, possible infidelity, bullying, references to childhood trauma, child neglect, child abandonment!< Mood spoiler: >!melancholy!< **OOP first** [posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/u08gec/my_late_husband_had_a_son_he_never_told_me_about/) **in** r/relationship_advice **on April 9th, 2022. She makes a very similar post on** r/AmItheAsshole **on the same day.** My life was turned upside-down last month when I was informed of my husband’s death in a work-related accident. This would, of course, be hard enough to cope with, but shortly before the funeral a young man at my house, claiming to be my late husband’s son. My husband didn’t speak a word about him to me. He claimed to have not known about me or either of my daughters (12 and 8) until he was notified of my husband’s death and found the obituary in the online version of our local paper. The young man was 18 and must have been born before I met my husband; he also claimed his own mother died years ago and was never to his memory in a relationship with my husband. So the boy’s existence is not proof of infidelity on my husband’s part. However I still feel just as betrayed. My husband never breathed a word of him to me. This boy lives in the UK where my husband sometimes worked (I live in the US); he traveled a lot in his line of work and I can’t help but wonder how many other secret children did he have? how many times did my husband visit this boy and never told me about it? What else was he not telling me? This boy had pictures with himself and my husband at various ages. He says he was brought up at a boarding school and my husband visited him sometimes. Though I very much want to, I have no reason to doubt his story. The boy asks to come to the funeral. I want to say no but I feel like I have no right. My kids see me talking to this stranger and poke their heads in to ask what’s going on. Before I can stop him, the boy introduces himself to them as their half-brother. Now not only do I have to figure out how to cope with all this information myself, but I also have to find some way to explain it to my children? My 8YO doesn’t seem to get the full implications of her father keeping this kind of secret from all of us but my 12YO is clearly upset although she won’t talk about it with me. At the funeral the boy kind of lurked in the corner but when lunch was served afterwards he approached both my girls and was playing games like tag with my 8YO and some of her friends who joined in. I didn’t think this was appropriate and when I told him so he apologized and said he did it to raise her spirits and it’s what people did for him when his mother died to cheer him up. Something about his answer irked me and I got the impression he was trying to manipulate me into feeling sorry for him and using my children to do it. My mom and my sister came over to help me after I got the news about my husband. Of course I talked to them about what was going on and they were shocked. My mom brought up the point that the boy might be after money. All of our important assets were in both of our names and I am the only beneficiary of his life insurance policy. But I was not sure what could happen if he tried to sue. I asked the boy frankly if money is what he was after and he said, “No, I couldn’t take any of your money. You have kids to take care of.” It irked me the way he said that as though I was offering money and he was trying to show how good he was by turning it down. It felt as though he expected me to give it to him anyway. I asked the boy what he wanted and he said he wanted to get to know my children because they’re his sisters. In my opinion, they might be his sisters, but he’s a stranger to them regardless of biological relation. Apparently at the funeral he told my 8YO he was going to ask me if he could take my girls to the aquarium and so that got her hopes up about it before I could even make a decision. I said yes only if my mom or sister went with them bc I wasn’t about to let my girls go with a strange man no matter what. Over the next week he also took my girls to the park, ice-cream place, and the lake, with my sister as a chaperone every time. I agreed to this and it was helpful because it gave me a chance to break down and cry to my mom without the girls around. When he left and my 8YO hugged him and told him not to go and he said “I promise I’ll come visit again.” I stepped in and said “No I think it would be best if you didn’t come back here.” He looked hurt and my 8YO cried but I was sick of him promising things without getting approval. She thinks it’s a cool mystery like from a TV show that she has a secret brother and she doesn’t realize how disturbing it is that her father hid his existence. My sister asked me later why I told him not to come back and I told her I think the whole thing is weird, I don’t know this boy or his real intentions, he could be some kind of weirdo trying to get my girls alone. My sister says I judged without ever getting to know him and he seems like a very sweet young man, he grew up mostly without a family, and he could have been jealous that my girls got all his father’s attention, but instead he wanted to connect with them. My opinion is that even if those are his intentions and he’s totally innocent, I still don’t want him around my home or my girls. To me he is just proof that my husband lied to me for years and it makes me sick to look at him. My girls don’t need this drama either, and even my 8YO is going to be traumatized once she is old enough to realize how much her dad was hiding. Me or my girls don’t owe him anything. My sis says that I don’t have to want him in my life but I don’t have the right to deny the girls their brother. She pointed out social workers do everything they can to avoid separating siblings because of the trauma. I said it’s not the same thing because my girls have only known this “brother” for a week. My sister said it’s also important because my girls’ brother is now the only person they know of “their culture”; my husband was like 1/8th Hawaiian (the rest white and Asian) and so the girls and their brother are like 1/16th, the boy appears to be white, and my daughters and I are black. But this boy was raised in the UK and he isn’t part of Hawaiian culture and honestly I think culture is something natural and not something to force because of your genetics. my girls don’t live in Hawaii they live in Oregon so that is their culture. Not “black culture” or “Hawaiian culture.” I don’t force myself or my girls to participate in African culture just because of our genetics. I thought my 8YO would get over her “brother” and she did go several weeks without asking about him, but yesterday she asked about him again. I feel bad about ever allowing them to go anywhere together and bond. I wish I’d handled the whole thing differently, and now I don’t know how to explain the situation to my kids. My 12YO hasn’t asked about her brother but she has been extremely closed off since her father’s death and I don’t know how this issue might be complicating what she’s feeling. I just need outside opinions to know what to do about this. ***Most comments were calling OOP the asshole or saying she needed to allow her daughters to know their brother. Some people asked OOP why she didn't ask for a DNA test, to which she replied***[this](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/u08gec/comment/i44c0en/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)***:*** > I thought about maybe asking the boy about a DNA test. But I don't know what it would achieve. I don't want him in my life or my daughters' life either way and even if the DNA test came back negative it would only raise more questions. And I don't know if it would open up any legal troubles where now I owe the boy money from my husband's estate if it comes up positive? ***A few*** [comments](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u0a1gn/comment/i451x24/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ***suggested that the brother might be lying and scamming OOP. Here's one from*** u/Arilyne ***on April 10, 2022*** > I’m going with NTA. Call me a skeptic but get a DNA test first. Something about this entire situation sounds fishy. I wouldn’t even have let my kids hang out with him. > > The way he phrases his answers does sound manipulative. “What people did for him when his mom died”, he didn’t need to convey this information to you during your husband’s funeral, but he did. The way he phrases it sounds like he’s trying to make you feel bad for trying to establish boundaries. And yes, it sounds like he’s trying to guilt trip and gaslight you. Making you feel like you’re crazy and paranoid. > > Further, he didn’t outright reject your money. He phrase it yet again in a way that he’s fishing for a longer haul. He could have easily said “No, I DON’T want your money” but instead, he said “No, I COULDN’T take any of your money”. See the difference? > > And the moment you let him into you and your kids lives, he has been persistently around. Offering to take your kids out without you or any adults being present indicates a possibility he’s manipulating your young child to get what he wants. The appropriate approach would have been to ask if you, as the parent is fine with him taking your kids out. > > He has now heavily inserted himself in you and your kids lives. All through your children. You need to start asking questions. Alarm bells are ringing in my head. **In response to the comments about it being a scam, she initially makes these edits to her post:** Well the comments alerting me to how this might be a scam attempt have opened my eyes. I didn't want to introduce this stranger to my kids, but when he showed up to deliver such shocking news my children came in and asked what was going on. He introduced \*himself\* before I think about how to tell my children. He asked if he could show up to the funeral and I felt like I couldn't say no to that, but then used it as an in with my children. He offered to them behind my back to take them somewhere so then I felt like I would be the bad guy if I said no. It rubbed me the wrong way but I brushed it off. I was in a vulnerable state, not thinking clearly, and he took advantage of that. I should have trusted in my instincts from the beginning. The idea that there could be scammers that prey on grieving families is just horrible and I had no idea of such a thing. I've contacted a lawyer to figure out how to establish if there is truth to his story and what my legal obligations are to the boy. I'm also going to have a long talk with my sister to see if during their outings he had done any kind of prying that might have led to him learning information about my family that he could use somehow. I'm already in the process of getting therapy for my children and myself. EDIT 2: People have been saying a lot of nasty things about me and I don't think I'm going to get much more productive input out of this, so this is going to be my last post on this topic. I considered taking the post down but I decided to leave it up so people can be aware that scammers operate like this. That they can be so good at what they do that even hundreds of third-party outsiders will take the scammer's side. In hindsight I can't believe I didn't see it and I cannot believe I ever let such a person step foot in my home or even speak to my children. (Apparently the goal was not to ask for money right away, it was to get close to me and my children and ask me for money later for a fake emergency. Other commenters elaborated on how it works.) If my daughter asks about her "brother" again I'll have to tell her she was tricked. I don't want to do that to her unless I'm completely sure. So I most likely will be asking the boy for a DNA test, birth certificate, et cetera. However not until I have the chance to speak to a lawyer. [Update:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/upqygx/update_my_late_husband_had_a_son_he_never_told_me/) **posted to** r/relationship_advice **on May 14, 2022** I was wrong and IWTA. My husband’s son (I wasn’t trying to demean him by calling him the boy, I was avoiding using names) was telling the truth. My husband’s name wasn’t on his birth certificate but the DNA test did show he was related to my kids. He also had more photos, cards and voicemails, tons of evidence to prove that my husband did keep regular contact with him. Apparently the son’s grandparents were his legal guardians. My husband occasionally gave them cash as under-the-table child support.I did notice, that Husband sometimes made large withdrawals when he went overseas. He said it was because shops there don’t take his card. I wanted to believe it was a scam because I thought it made more sense than Husband having lied. Talking to my husband’s son a bit more revealed he’d been lying to him too. Apparently he told him he was a cowboy and a pro football player, then when Son googled him he switched to saying he was a gangster who had done prison time? Needless to say, none of that is remotely true. I can’t fathom what could possess him to behave this way. Lying to me, lying to his kid, not raising his kid. I’m questioning everything Husband ever told me and wondering if it was me who died, would he have abandoned our kids as well? I feel horrible for that boy. I’m in therapy and working on ways to cope and forgive Husband for my own peace of mind. She’s helped me work out why I reacted to husband’s son the way I did. I thought he was manipulating me and my kids, but what I actually sensed was that he wanted something from me and my kids. I felt like me and my daughters were not in a place to give anything emotionally or financially\*,\* so I recoiled from him. But that doesn’t mean he’s a threat. My kids went to therapy as well, 12YO has weekly sessions. However my 8YO hated it so I've pulled her out for now. Many people have shared their own stories of being separated from bio relations and the effect it had on them. I don’t understand it because genes don’t mean much to me, however, I don’t have to understand to respect it. I personally don’t feel like I’m in any place to have any kind of relationship with Husband’s Son and I don’t think he wants one with me (he now appears scared of me, which I do feel bad about, I wasn’t trying to hurt him or scare him) but I will allow him to visit sometime if my girls want to see him. Sis agreed to continue to supervise. As far as money goes the lawyer advised me that there aren’t many assets that Son is entitled to because they were in both my and my husband’s name, except for a few investment accounts that were only in my husband’s name, thankfully not where the majority of our savings are. I know people think I’m an evil witch for caring about money but I need it to feed, clothe, and educate my own children. **OOP** [posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/comments/vb3hy0/i_never_asked_for_this_and_i_dont_know_how_im/) **again to** r/stepparents **on June 12, 2023.** I don't feel like I really count as a stepparent, I don't know if I'm in the right place for this. When I went to other subs for advice it felt like an angry mob and I'm hoping people here might be able to relate to \*some\* of the things I'm going through. I didn't know my husband had a son until after I became a widow. His son is 18 and lives in the UK where my husband regularly visited him without telling me. My husband apparently kept our family (myself and my 2 daughters, 13 and 8) a secret from his son as well. The son found out about us after my husband died and showed up at my door to introduce himself. I didn't handle it well at the time. I was in a fog and not prepared to process anything, let alone the fact that my husband had been hiding a secret of such magnitude from me. I let him get close to my daughters, but when he said he would come back to visit I reacted negatively and told him not to come back. After talking things through with my mother and sister I realized that I didn't have the right to keep my daughters from their brother if they wanted a relationship with him, I reached out to the boy to confirm his story and decide on a time to visit. It was supposed to be late next month. My sister was supposed to come out and help and supervise all interaction between my children and their brother, because I am not mentally prepared to be around him and I'm not sure I ever will be. Even though I know my feelings are irrational, I honestly want nothing to do with this boy. I know my husband's behavior is not his fault and that he is a victim, too, but even just looking at his face is a reminder that my husband lied to me for our entire relationship. If I had known he had a child I might have chosen a different life. I got pregnant in college with my oldest. He was older with a stable job and able to provide for me and my child. He made all these promises - he'd take care of me, he'd take care of our baby, he'd help me get through college, he'd be the good father he never had. And he already had a child he wasn't raising. God. If I'd known that I might've had an abortion and walked away. I fell in love with him when he said those things and now I feel like the person I fell in love with never even existed. I don't know if he ever loved me or our kids. I don't know if he was playing a game with us, or using us to build an image. I don't know if he was faithful to me on all those overseas trips. I can't trust anything he ever told me anymore. None of this is his son's fault. He's innocent. I know that. But even remembering his existence brings up so many feelings I can't deal with. Which is why my sister said she would help supervise. She played chaperone when my husband's son was getting to know my kids eventually, she said she'd be willing to do it again. We picked a time and she said she'd be there. Today, she tells me she can't do it. Her job is understaffed and she can't get the time off work. My mom can't do it either, she has a surgery coming up and won't be able to travel, my dad will also need to be home to take care of her. I am not going to leave my kids alone with their brother (what my sister suggested) since he is frankly still a stranger to me, and to them. There might be a 99% chance he has pure intentions, but that 1% chance isn't one I'm willing to take. There are all kinds of stories out there about children being abused my trusted family members. So my only options are to cancel the visit (which my kids, especially my 8YO are looking forward to, and I don't want to take away one of the few things they've been able to feel happy about since my husband died), or be the chaperone myself. This will also mean I need to take time off work (I can manage, but it's not ideal.) I just don't think I can do it. I didn't choose to be a stepmother. I'm sure the boy doesn't really want me as one either. I apparently scared him when I told him not to come back and when we talked on Zoom since then he acted nervous and flinchy, like he was afraid I was about to hit him or something. I feel bad about that as it wasn't my intention. I don't think I can do this. I feel like the meeting is a disaster waiting to happen. Like it's only a matter of time before I lose my temper and ruin the meeting that my kids have been looking forward to. I just have this feeling of dread. I don't know if anyone can help. Maybe it's a longshot. I have therapy on Thursday and I hope it'll help me sort things out. I just feel like I can't do this. It's humiliating to even share this problem with anyone, and even if I try to talk things out with one of the few people I do trust, it's always think about your kids, think about your husband's son, put yourself in their shoes. People even show more sympathy for my husband than me: maybe it was a coping mechanism for his childhood trauma. Maybe he had a good reason. I'm just burnt out on putting everyone else first and trying to fill the role of both parents for my kids right now. I feel like it's only so long before I snap and the rope just got a lot thinner. EDIT: Thank you for the kind words and advice. When I posted I was thrown for the loop and on the verge of a mental breakdown. Having had time to sleep on it, I feel that things are going to turn out okay. I'll look into some of your suggestions such as professional nanny/baby-sitting services to go along with them. My sister has also said she may be able to work remotely during those weeks and be able to supervise while the kids hang out in his hotel room, McDonald's, library, or somewhere else while she can work while watching. Not ideal because it means they would have to cancel some planned activities. Canceling or postponing the trip would be a last resort. I won't make any decision rashly. I'm going to take a few days to think about things, talk it out with my therapist on Thursday, and have a definite answer by Monday. It might not be impossible for me to supervise. At first I panicked because I didn't think I would have to and felt unprepared, but I might be able to psych myself up for it with time. I've been through worse trials than this. Sometimes I just need to remind myself that I'm stronger than I feel. I appreciate the kindness and civility from this community. I wasn't sure if my post belonged here but you all seem much more understanding than other subs and I truly appreciate it. **An** [update](https://www.reddit.com/r/stepparents/comments/wiz1xu/update_chaperoning_a_visit_between_my_late/) **posted to** r/stepparents **August 7, 2022** I don't think I'm going to post in this community anymore, as I don't really count as a stepparent but I got some kind words from people here previously. I just wanted to say thank you all for being kind to me and presenting me with solutions when I was overwhelmed and panicking. And let you all know how the visit went.He stayed for about 1.5 weeks. Before he came over we talked a few times on Zoom, with me, him, and his grandparents. I told him my sister was not going to be able to supervise and I was frank about how apprehensive I was feeling about being the one to supervise. I don’t think he was thrilled about me supervising either. He knew and felt comfortable with my sister, not me. So the feeling was mutual. But we decided to go ahead with the visit anyway. We made a few changes in what they had previously planned when my sister was going to supervise, but not many. We also discussed contingency plans for if something went wrong and one of us needed space. Just knowing that I would have an out if I needed it was a huge relief and helped immensely. Overall things went relatively well, he and I were civil, I got uncomfortable but not to the point where I couldn’t cope. He and my girls got along well. With the exception of one incident, when my girls got into a spat with each other, and he tried to intervene, which made them both mad at him. But it was quickly resolved after each girl had their time stewing about it. I will say he was very good with both my girls, but especially my 8YO, who has been having a very difficult time lately even before her father died. She’s been struggling a lot with school and trying to find the right treatment for multiple diagnoses, she’s been acting out and been very easily frustrating for a lot of the adults in her life - including me, I admit. I love her and I do my best but she is difficult sometimes. But with her brother, it’s like they are kindred spirits or something. He was a real trooper acting out scenes from the movie Encanto with her over and over! I realize it is probably really good for her to have an adult in her life who doesn’t want anything from her except to spend time with her. Before the boy left I gave him a thank you card expressing this to him and that I do genuinely hope he chooses to stay involved.Overall it was a positive thing, I’m glad we went ahead with the visit, and thank you again to those of you who left supportive comments. It was a much better experience posting here than when I tried to seek advice in other subs. > ***OOP hasn't posted again about any issues with her daughters' brother. When I reached out to her for any updates, I got*** [this reply](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parents/comments/11io1t8/comment/jyhcg4s/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) (**August 30TH, 2023)** Thanks for the sympathy. > > Things are more or less the same but I’m learning to live with it better and better each day. > > I got my 9YO daughter into equestrian therapy which she enjoys (we have made a point to not call it therapy) and it is probably good for her but it hasn’t made a noticeable difference in how she seems to be behaving or coping. She’s still at her old school, but I have made the decision that if a spot opens in the charter school she’ll definitely be switching. My 14YO is bouncing back a little better and enjoying her first year of high school so far. The high school is large with lots of options for extracurriculars and such that are very little cost which I think is good for her since she was previously involved in a lot and we had to cut back due to financial constraints after my husband died. > > My husband’s son came for another visit last month. It didn’t go as well. He brought his girlfriend. She was polite but not very interested in my girls. I think my 9YO was a bit jealous that she had to share her brother’s attention with the girlfriend and was a bit mopey and prone to mini-meltdowns during that time. So it wasn’t the most fun time ever for anyone. Unfortunately. My husband’s son and his girlfriend are invited to Thanksgiving at my parents’ house. We’ll see how that goes. I at least feel more accepting of him being around now. Last year it was hard to even look at him(I know, none of this is his fault, but it was hard to see him as his own person and not just a reminder that my husband lied) and this year I felt a little better. > > I still don’t know and am just trying to accept that I never will know why my husband lied to me or how much he lied about. The best I can figure is that it was some kind of coping mechanism that he developed growing up in foster care to keep all his different “families” separate from each other if that makes sense. He didn’t keep in touch with anyone he grew up with (not former foster family but also not even friends from back then) nor did he ever even talk about them. He told me very general vague details about how it was a horrible situation but very few specifics. I always thought it was odd but wanted to respect that his past is painful for him and wished he could tell me more but didn’t want to pry. I don’t know and I never will know but I have a hunch that it all ties together for him and he just has a compulsion to keep different parts of his life separate. It’s the best reason I could come up with after agonizing over it for so long anyway. ***Marked as concluded because it seems OOP has more or less accepted things as they are. Again: I am NOT OOP. This is a repost.*** &#x200B;

OOP finds out after her husband dies that he had another son he had been hiding from her

CONCLUDED

Sw33tSkitty

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16p271o/oop_finds_out_after_her_husband_dies_that_he_had/

16p2fnh

**I am not OOP. OOP Is** u/facts_n_opinions **and she originally posted in** r/parenting**.** Trigger warning: >!metaphorical suicide reference, hints of possible bullying or exclusion!< Mood spoiler: >!heart-warming!< [**Original post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parents/comments/153ss2f/my_son_9_entered_himself_in_the_school_talent/) **from July 19, 2023: "My son (9) entered himself in the school talent show wanting to name every single iPhone ever made...."** Poor soul struggles to make friends. Both the school and our family are constantly trying to help, but my sweet little boy simply cannot hack it. Despite all this, we keep trying. He is on the spectrum and LOVES talking about space and Apple. I am slowly teaching him social skills, but it takes a lot of face plantings for anything to stick. He absolutely drives us crazy with talking about Apple products over and over and over. One time he talked so much about Apple while I was driving that I zoned out to the point where I ran over a cone. Last night he hit me with the ol' "I entered the talent show". I truly did not expect him to proceed with "I'm going to recite every iPhone ever made". Usually, I try my best not to hurt hurt feelings, but I simply cannot sit on the side lines and watch my child commit social suicide. I gave an absolute no and reminded him all he talks about is Apple, and that his classmates do not want to sit there and listen to him talk about iPhones, again. He bawled in my arms and said he had no talent. I let him cry it out, then we looked online at different talent show ideas. He didn't like anything he saw. Then a lightbulb went off. This kid loves sound... he likes loud, annoying sounds that make me want to scratch my noise sensitive ears out. So I downloaded him a DJ app and Tidal. We found 6 songs that carried a lot of the weight, the he began mixing. HE WAS AWESOME! I couldn't believe how easily he took to it. By the end of the night he was able to echo out songs and do all of these cool sirens/sounds while waiting for the beat to drop. He even came up with fading out the last song and set an vibrating alarm on his watch (6 min) in order not to lose track of time. We agreed that as soon as the alarm goes off, if he isn't done, he will move on to the last song and fade it out quickly. We packed him a cool little outfit to wear with mirrored sunglasses, his ipad and speaker, then off he went to school. I have been praying all morning. His teacher was really excited for him and I hope he doesn't back out. Even if he does, I am hoping he will stick with this hobby and maybe enter in the next talent show. **OOP** [updated](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parents/comments/153ss2f/comment/jsmndi0/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **in the comments on July 19th, 2023** >It went really great. Better than I expected honestly. The kids got up and danced and his teacher said this is a moment she will always remember. She told us she wasn't supposed to say this but he was the best out of all the kids. When he walked out of the door, he was beaming like a light. I think it's the first time he's ever felt connected with the kids. ***I've asked OOP if her son has stuck with the DJing hobby, but haven't heard back yet. I'll edit this post with the reply if she gets back to me.***

OOP's autistic son thinks he has no talents... but discovers one just in time for the talent show

CONCLUDED

Sw33tSkitty

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16p2fnh/oops_autistic_son_thinks_he_has_no_talents_but/

16p3ll3

This is a New Update on a story previously shared here. If you want to skip to the new post, I have it marked with 🔴🔴🔴. Originally posted by u/apprehensive-you-913 in r/AmItheAsshole on Aug 3, '23 updated 10 hrs later and Sept 8, '23. &nbsp; Trigger Warning: >!Mental health, high risk pregnancy, miscarriage!< &nbsp; **[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15h93am/aita_if_i_uninvite_my_sil_whos_in_love_with_my/)** Aug 3, '23 &nbsp; AITA if I uninvite my SIL who's in love with my husband? AITA if I uninvite my (32f) SIL (30f), I'll call her Tina, from my baby shower because I think she's in love with my husband? My husband (33m) and I met each other at a ski lodge 9 years ago. I was with my young daughter and a female friend and her child. My husband was with his 2 brothers and 3 sisters and a few friends. There was a singing competition and both of us were set up by our friends to enter it. Sparks flew during our duet and the rest is history. Back to our first meeting. This was the 1st time I caught on to my SIL's disturbing behavior. After the singing competition, he and I went to the cafe to chat. His middle sister, Tina, who was adopted at birth, came storming up to us and demanded he come back to their group. She never looked at me and whined when he shut her down. She ran off crying and apparently took her sister's room keycards and locked them out so they had to stay with the friends in their room. Fast forward to when we bought a house together. We had a housewarming and invited family and close friends. Tina showed up in a sexy club outfit. She ignored me the entire time and hung all over my husband (bf at the time). She kept recalling tales of them when they were little and how close they were. She'd kiss him on the cheek, hug him, and touched his arm when laughing, he was visibly uncomfortable so I stepped in. At first, I just thought she had a crush on him, but the way she was acting looked like she was the girlfriend and not me. She was going around reminding/telling everyone that he use to say he never wanted to have kids, but now he's playing daddy to my daugther. One of my friends said she thought Tina was weird for talking about how "hot" his modeling photos were when he did print work back in college and that her favorite photo was of them at a beach in Hawaii during a family vacation a few years back. The most bizarre thing she told a few people was that he had never dated a woman of color before and now all of a sudden he's in love. It's only bizarre to me because she's biracial, so I don't know why this would bother her, unless she's jealous of me because she wished she were me. Then things go south at the end of the night when he gets down on one knee and proposes to me. She started crying and ran to the restroom. Their dad went to check on her and then drove her home. I knew exactly why she was upset, but my husband always equated her behavior to jealously because she never had healthy relationships. After that tantrum, she skipped our wedding, baby shower, our children's birthday parties, and other family events that we attended. I was fine with extending invitations because I knew she wasn't going to show up. She had some sort of mental break down and was in and out treatment for years. Now I have to say, I wish nothing but the best for her and I don't know what kind of issues she's going through, but I don't want her disrupting our peace. I'm currently pregnant and our baby shower is at the end of this month. I'm having it a few months early because I'm at risk for going into labor early, like I did with my other two children. My MIL called to RSVP and stated Tina would be riding with them and if it was ok if she brought her new boyfriend. I was surprised because we hadn't seen her in years, but I was apprehensive to agree. Eventually, I did agree and hoped that she resolved whatever caused her so much distress when she was around my family. Well it took all of 24 hours for her to start her nonsense. She text my husband paragraphs at 3am telling him him how she felt about our family. First, she went on to say how much she missed them being close and how I came in and destroyed their close relationship, when I barely said 50 words to her in 9 years. She asked him if he was happy with his life because again, he use to say he never wanted kids or to get married. She then asked if he thought about her in all this time and if he could meet up with him before the shower and talk alone, face to face. That was the last straw for me. I asked my husband if he knew she was in love with him and he just shrugged and said he didnt't doubt my theory. Apparently, when she was 11, she asked if they could cuddle and kiss and he said no. He admits her behavior since then has always been weird and dramatic, but he didn't pay her much attention because there were many siblings and they all hung out all the time. I asked him if he could uninvite her and this "new boyfriend" because I think she's going to bring drama to our baby shower. He said he wants to talk to his parents first to see what kind of state she's been in, but I know in my gut that she's ready to ruin our day with her theatrics. So AITA for wanting to uninvite her to the baby shower? Edit: For those of you wondering if anything intimate ever happened between them, the answer is no. I am 100% certain of this. He has a total of 3 adopted siblings (2f and 1m). He says he sees them as blood-related siblings because the 3 of them were adopted at birth. He's the 2nd youngest, and they're all within 1-4 years of each other, so all he knows them as siblings. He said he chooses to ignore her because she's always been dramatic. He's always worried about her physical safety because she's suffered from depression for as long as he can remember so he tries to handle things gently. He's not opposed to uninviting her, but he does want to know what his parents think about her mental state and whether she can behave. 2nd Edit: So I keep seeing something about High School Musical. I'm a little too old to have watched that show/movie, but didn't know about that plot. I changed some details of how we met so this post wouldn't be immediately recognizable, but it's very much, unfortunately, my life right now. My husband is on his way home right now, despite having another 3 hours left at work, because his phone kept blowing up. He didn't sound good on the phone, but he wouldn't tell me what was wrong. I don't want to call back his mom and other sister to ask what's going on, but I'll try to post an update when, hopefully, we come to a final solution because I'm stressed and over this. &nbsp; **[Update](https://www.reveddit.com/v/AITAH/comments/15h93am/aita_if_i_uninvite_my_sil_whos_in_love_with_my/)** 10 hrs later &nbsp; **UPDATE: *** This will probably be my last update since my husband and I decided that we need to be completely removed from SIL's drama/trauma so we can focus on having a healthy pregnancy and family life. I have an appointment with a perinatologist (a high-risk prenatal doc) tomorrow morning that was scheduled weeks ago to check on the baby. Thank you to those who were concerned about me and the baby. So I don't even know where to start, so I apologize if this update seems all over the place. I also have to point out for the person who went through my comment history. I switched the numbers, genders, and event details so I wasn't as easily identified in real life. I have a professional license so if someone recognized me and thought I was being unethical due to the nature of the post (I've avoided certain verbiage because of my job), I could be brought in for a review, which I would much like to avoid so I'm sorry I can't be 100% truthful with all of the details. I tried my best to keep the most important information as factual as possible. My husband ran home because Tina BLEW UP his phone, texting and calling. Now, my husband ALWAYS texts or calls me on his lunch break to check on me, even before the pregnancy, so I knew something was wrong when he didn't. Since he left Tina on read, she started calling and sending a slew of unwarrented and degrading texts about me and our children, so basically Tina being Tina. He didn't run it by me, but he sent her a long paragraph, which he showed me when he got home, basically telling her off and told her that he would rather never speak to her again than listen to her talk bad about our family. He told her she would never be invited to any of our family functions and that she needed to check herself back into the hospital if she thought their sibling relationship was ever closer than it actually was. He closed it by saying he would let the family know the reason she was uninvited and that he hoped she's either seeing a therapist or would find one immediately. I'm not surprised at his response because the things she said pushed him to that breaking point. I think the worst thing she said was that my 2 miscarriages years ago, which would have been our first child together, was caused because we don't actually belong together and that my body couldn't even carry any of my children to term (32 and 33 weeks deliveries). I expected her to bring something like this up, but I could tell it really hurt him, and that's why he didn't hold back from her. He then blocked her and told me he's changing our phone numbers. He called his parents and the oldest/bio sister, whom he is close with, and explained to them why she's never allowed to visit our home. He shared all of their text exchanges, and they were mortified. He asked them not to share our address and when we changed to new numbers. They assured us that none of them shared this information with her because she actually asked for his work schedule and mentioned driving up a day early to "surprise" him. My FIL had the most to say, and I get it. It's his baby girl, but he hadn't shared much info beforehand with anyone besides his wife. He said he always knew she had a "little crush" on him, but after her outburst at our housewarming years ago, they had a conversation about her behavior and she told him that she had been keeping a diary about him since she was a teenager. She explained it was to process her emotions and to challenge negative thoughts. All I heard was that she wrote about him FOR YEARS! So there's several journals in their home, probably enforcing her beliefs. Apparently, she only stayed away from my husband because my FIL kept her in check and was able to get her hospitalized several times for being a threat to herself. I don't know if all her issues stem from her unrequited love for him, typing that just made me nauseous, but I hope she gets the help she desperately needs. He asked that they speak with her about his last text, but that we don't want to know the outcome. They told us they would deal with her and apologized for thinking she had resolved her issues. My in-laws are saints, and I thanked them for believing us and keeping her away for all these years. Luckily, she's currently living with them due to her issues, so they're going to speak to her tomorrow morning. The bio SIL called me when we got off the phone with the in-laws. She told me that she was really sorry because she's the one who hooked the new bf and Tina up and suggested that she show him off at the baby shower, but admitted they had only been dating for like 2 weeks. She said she sent the texts Tina sent to my husband to her the bf (because that's one of her best guy friends and she wanted to protect him) so I'm pretty sure they're probably not a thing anymore. I'm kind of nervous how Tina will deal with two rejections so close together. The two sisters aren't that close, and she was audibly disgusted to find out that her sister has been pining for their brother all these years. She has a theory, though. She thinks it started with the older bio brother, Sean, because when Tina was little, she would follow Sean around all the time. He's older, so he went off to college abroad. Tina was about 10, and then he permanently moved to Europe. It seems like the crush transferred to my husband when Sean left. Sean hasn't been back to the States since he graduated high school, and no one really has contact with him, so she said she can't call and ask him about it. I have to admit I'm kind of curious and would have been interested in hearing what Sean had to say, but I'll rest assured knowing our involvement in the whole thing is over. Someone pointed out that Tina is potentially dangerous and could hurt me or our children, and this really scared me. My husband is going to upgrade our alarm system and purchased more cameras. I don't work summers and will most likely be out on bed rest by the time I have to go back to work, so he wanted to ensure the kids and I were safe when he's away from the house. I forgot to mention we live about 5 hours away, so she would really have to go out of her way to show up here if she somehow found out where we live. So that's it, basically. This will most likely be my only update. I also want to point out for those that think my husband was intimate with her at some point to cause her erratic behavior, if that were the case, she would have loved to throw that in my face over and over. Plus, a guilty man would have tried to silence her a long time ago to keep me from finding out. You don't have to trust him, but I do. Thanks again for all the helpful input. I'm feeling a little more at ease and can't wait to see our closest friends and family at our shower. &nbsp; 🔴🔴🔴 &nbsp; [New update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16drkz7/update_aita_if_i_uninvite_my_sil_whos_in_love/) Sept 8, '23 **UPDATE: AITA if I uninvite my SIL who's in love with my husband?** I've been going back and forth on whether I should post an update. Many of you posted supportive feedback and some were kind enough to share their experiences with obsessive persons and how I should handle my situation so it helped me write this update. I included Tina's initial texts after we changed our phone numbers. We were receiving calls from her on our house phone from her work number but we disconnected it once we found out it was her. I wasn't sure how to organize my thoughts on this post, but I think it will be easier to give an update by listing each person involved. Again, I had to alter some information because of my career and the fear of being doxed. Tina- It's been quiet for a few weeks because Tina is currently receiving treatment. At first, I thought it was going to be messy because she found out my husband's new number and texted him several times (attached). He ignored the texts and blocked her. Her reaction to this rejection caused issues for her (losing her job, relationship, etc.), but ultimately, she is getting help now and I hope this time she can heal from whatever it is that is keeping her from living a happy life. Sean- Many people speculated that my husband or Sean did something to Tina that caused her obsessive behavior. First, I thought Sean was my husband's biological brother. This was my assumption because he looks like their father in the pictures I've seen in family photo albums and my husband never referred to any of his siblings as "the adopted one," which I love, but it has caused some confusion on my end because only two of them stand out from the others. This is important to mention because it explains Sean's departure from the family. Sean left after high school because he found his birth family in his native country. He searched for his birth parents all senior year of high school and found older siblings. His parents are deceased, but he started visiting his siblings while studying abroad. He became heavily involved with their religion and customs. After college, he cut ties with my husband and his whole family. My in-laws received a few postcards at first, but they haven't had any contact with him in several years. I can't say definitively whether I believe something happened between Sean and Tina, but his departure makes sense and I can only hope nothing happened. My husband- Again, I want to make it 1000% clear that there's no doubt in my mind that my husband never aided in Tina's obsession. Those who are doubtful, I get it, but respectfully, I trust my husband implicitly. Me- I feel like a weight has been lifted (even if temporarily). My baby shower was amazing and knowing she was far away getting help allowed me to fully enjoy my friends and family. I'm looking forward to meeting our baby and I hope we have peace from this situation for a long time to come. *OP added this info about the text in a comment:* >Wait what was the text? OP: I thought it was attached to the post, but I guess not. Basically, it was Tina begging him to speak to her and how she misses the old days. She said she guesses that our kids and I come before their "old" family, and she understands if he doesn't answer her back. In my opinion, she was trying to guilt him into responding, but it backfired because he blocked her immediately, then showed me and forwarded it to his parents. I heard she's no longer in the facility receiving treatment, but my in-laws assured us we won't be hearing from her again. That answer is good enough for me. ​ &nbsp; **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

AITA if I uninvite my SIL who's in love with my husband? New Update

NEW UPDATE

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16p3ll3/aita_if_i_uninvite_my_sil_whos_in_love_with_my/

16p41yb

This is a New Update on a story previously shared here. If you want to skip to the new post, I have it marked with 🔴🔴🔴. Originally posted by u/thrway_dadnc in r/AITAH on July 27, '23 updated on Aug 7, '23 and Sept 15, '23. &nbsp; Trigger Warning: >!Parental neglect!< &nbsp; **[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1571e4d/aita_for_telling_my_father_ill_cut_ties_with_him/)** July 27, '23 &nbsp; **AITA for telling my father I'll cut ties with him if he doesn't come to my wedding?** Throwaway because my younger sister knows my main account. My (26F) father (59M) is a slightly known musician in my home country. Due to his career, he missed out on most of my milestones while I was growing up. School plays, a few birthdays and both my high school and college graduations, to name a few. Mostly events he was informed of months in advance, and canceled on me either weeks or days before. He always apologized for doing so, but never really seemed to feel guilty. I remember we almost had a fight because I didn't want to watch a video he had missed my high school graduation to film. It hurt me so much as a child that I stopped expecting him to show up. It still bothered me when I got older, but at that point I understood that it was his job and I should be grateful he even had one. I'm getting married in early September. My fiancé (28M) and I have been planning this wedding for a year and a half. The date was decided and invitations were sent months ago. Almost every guest has already RSVP'd. I've reminded my father of the date several times this past year, and he kept assuring me he had "blocked the entire week of the wedding" and would be there. A couple days ago, my father called to inform me he'd had to schedule a concert for my wedding day. He apologized and said he'd "make it up to me" with a gift. I don't want a gift. I want my father to come to my wedding. So I told him that either he figured out a way to reschedule (which I know he could probably do if he tried), or I'd cut ties with him. What followed was one of the biggest fights we've ever had. He called me ungrateful, spoiled and selfish for giving him that kind of ultimatum and expecting him to change his work schedule for my own benefit (which he has asked me to do on many occasions before). He yelled, and I held myself not to yell back. We're still fighting over this. Most of my family is on my side, though both my mom (divorced from my dad) and my fiancé have warned me not to make any moves I might regret. My sister (20F) is on my father's side, which doesn't surprise me. I love my father and I really don't want to stop talking to him, but I'm done with him expecting to be able to miss out on my life with no consequences. That being said, I'd be lying if I said that I don't feel guilty. Just writing this all down made me feel like a huge brat. AITA? ​ EDIT: Thought I'd clarify some things: -My mom and my fiancé are 100% on my side. They told me to be careful because they know I don't really want to go NC. Also, my mom has barely spoken to my father in almost 20 years and my fiancé is with me because we love each other, not because of who my father is. -My father is not a struggling artist. He's been in this line of work since before I was born. I wouldn't consider him rich, but he lives more than just comfortably. If I thought he couldn't afford to reschedule a concert, I wouldn't blame him for not being able to come to the wedding. And yes, he paid child support and provided for both me and my sister. -I do have other people who can walk me down the aisle. My stepdad (which would make my dad furious, so I might do it purely out of pettiness) and at least two of my best friends would be more than willing to. -My father isn't paying for any part of the wedding. He offered to, but I declined. I don't live with him anymore, and both me and my fiancé have good jobs. When I was younger, I told myself that once I didn't need his money anymore, I'd never ask for it again. -My sister isn't the golden child. He missed many of her milestones as well. ​ EDIT 2: I've tried acting indifferent before. It doesn't work. He interprets it as forgiveness. It's the reason why he still does this. &nbsp; *In the comments:* >Don't cut ties till after you get his wedding present. OP: I could care less about presents. Specially coming from my father - pretty much anything he gives me comes with strings attached. >That sounds like you have more problems with him than him not showing up to stuff… OP: Yep. We've had a rocky relationship for a little over a decade now. For various reasons, including his tendency of using how much money he'd spend on me and my sister against us. That's why I try not to ask him for anything. It's got nothing to do with why I'm threatening to cut contact, though. >NTA. But if he's busy providing for the family he's nta either it's a lose lose situation sure it's a important moment in your life but this could be one of his last tours before he hangs up his boots and walks away from music OP: As far as I know, he has no plans of retiring anytime soon. >What will you tell your children when Poppa misses their milestones? Oh that’s just how he is. >Make the choice now if you’re going to subject your future children to the same pain as you OP: I wouldn't be surprised if I had to force a relationship between him and my future children. My paternal grandfather died when I was 15, and I barely remember his voice. Because not only did we only see each other once or twice a year (he lived in a different city), he also never tried to have a conversation with me. >"expecting him to change his work schedule for my own benefit" >What does he mean? He changed his own work schedule to fall on prior commitments! OP: As he explained on the phone, he forgot about the wedding date while scheduling the concerts with his manager. His current girlfriend reminded him hours later. I knew he couldn't actually "block the whole week" (he'd promised the same thing before my high school graduation), but he could still avoid it. >If he can’t be bothered to walk you down the aisle (one of THE most precious moments a father should look forward to!), then you were never important to him at all. This was the final indication you needed to move on. OP: Before he canceled on me, he specifically said he wanted to walk me down the aisle. I didn't want him to (I hate the whole "giving the bride away" thing), but I'd agreed, because I thought it would be important for him. >I need to ask if your father has not missed much with your sister and that’s why she’s taking his side? Was he available at her milestones? OP: Nope, he missed most of hers as well. My sister keeps taking his side for three reasons: She still lives with him She has been belittling me since she was in elementary school This is probably my fault, but I've been sheltering her from these things her entire life. The only reason why our father went to her high school graduation was because I berated him. As a teen, I took over her fights with him and played mediator whenever I had to. Basically, she never had many problems with him because of me. She doesn't know half of what I've done for her, and I don't really want her to. . This specific concert is in a smaller city. For these, he can usually reschedule until ticket sales are announced (which they haven't been yet). There is some bureaucracy involved, which is why I've never asked him to do so before, but it is doable. . He's doing well financially. He's been on 4 vacations to a nearby town he likes this year alone. He paid for my education, and is still paying my sister's. He's not Scrooge McDuck or anything, but rescheduling a concert won't affect him too much. &nbsp; **[Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15l46tt/update_aita_for_telling_my_father_ill_cut_ties/)** Aug 7, '23 &nbsp; **UPDATE: AITA for telling my father I'll cut ties with him if he doesn't come to my wedding?** Hey guys. A lot has happened, but I'll try to keep this short. I'll start off by saying that your comments on my first post were very eye-opening. Though some of the assumptions you made were wrong, I could see where they all came from, and most of what you said was so spot-on it was painful to read. Someone said that my father doesn't see me as a person, but as an extension of himself. That one hurt the most, because it's the best definition of my relationship with my father I've ever seen. My father wasn't neglectful in the traditional sense. My parents divorced when I was 7 years old, and my mom had primary custody of me and my sister, but we still went to his place several times a week. My mother is a teacher and couldn't raise us on her salary alone, so he was our main financial supporter even after the divorce. Because of all of this, he seems to believe he was the best father ever. Whenever we fought, he always insisted I was wrong and ungrateful. Those same arguments were used whenever I demonstrated I was upset over him missing out on my milestones. In his head, for instance, I couldn't get angry if he missed my high school graduation or if he didn't pay attention to any of the projects I developed in college, because he was the one paying for my education. I decided to stop complaining about this when I was younger, having realized I wouldn't be able to get him to see my side. This wedding incident felt like a turning point, though. Especially since he wasn't paying for anything this time. It made me accept that he doesn't care how much he contributed anymore, but still believes I don't have the right to be upset. I now realize there's no winning this. If he doesn't come, I'll be devastated. If he does, I'll always remember I had to force my own father to come to my wedding. At this point, I'm not even sure which is worse. A few days ago, I had a discussion with my father over the phone, in which I expressed all of the above and more. And as expected, he called me dramatic, accused me of alienating myself, and berated me for talking to him the way I did. I hung up on him. This is how our fights have gone since I was a teenager, and it never solves anything. We haven't spoken since. I sent him a long text, basically saying I didn't want to hear from him until he was ready to both give me a sincere apology and own up to the status of our relationship is his fault. This is all wishful thinking, I really don't think either are gonna happen. I love my father, and I know he loves me to bits. But I can't do this anymore. He's been around my entire life, and still barely knows me for who I am. It's his turn to make that effort. Right now, I'm trying to muster up excitement for my wedding. I lost most of it these past weeks. My fiancé, my mom and my friends are all trying to cheer me up, and it's starting to work. I'm definitely feeling a lot better than last week. I'm really grateful to have them in my life. So that's it for now. Thank you all for your support on my previous post. &nbsp; *In the comments:* >An alternative to your dad walking you down- what about that mom and sibling that you mentioned? OP: My mom, maybe. Definitely not my sister. I'm also considering my stepdad. Truth be told, I never really wanted to do that part in the first place, so we'll see how it goes. >I wanne say it might be best to have some therapy alone or with your new husband to learn and stop getting hurt by your father. OP: Yeah, I'll look into therapy. I refused to for a long time, because I hate the whole "opening up" thing, but now feels like a good time to start. >He will come running if you decide to have kids. But be careful and remember how he treated you. He will do the same to your kids. OP: That worries me, too. My paternal grandfather was so aloof I have no memory of his voice (he died when I was 15), nor do I remember ever having a conversation with him. He knew that was his fault and expressed regret, but not to my dad, who always idolized him. I think about having children frequently, but I never imagined my dad as a grandfather, because I have no doubt he wouldn't recognize those mistakes. &nbsp; 🔴🔴🔴 &nbsp; [New Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16jd0hg/final_update_aita_for_telling_my_father_ill_cut/) Sept 15, '23 **FINAL UPDATE: AITA for telling my father I'll cut ties with him if he doesn't come to my wedding?** Hey guys. This will probably be my last update. First of all, I'm happy to announce that I finally got married to the love of my life almost two weeks ago. For the last six years, this man has been my rock, my best friend and my biggest supporter, and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him. I give him, my mom and my friends (especially my awesome MOH) full credit for helping me regain my excitement for my wedding. And it was amazing. Everyone had fun, the food was great, and no one got too drunk (a constant concern of mine, some of my friends have that tendency). I went home knowing I'd spent my wedding day surrounded by people who loved me. But my father wasn't there. After thinking very carefully about the matter and talking about it with my paternal family (all of whom were taking my side), I realized I wasn't ready to go NC. Especially since I will have to see him at least once a year for the holidays. But I legitimately don't want to invest in our relationship anymore. So for now, I'm going extremely LC. I will act civil (though probably cold) whenever I'm around him, but that's it. I'm not answering his calls or texts, he's no longer welcome at my place, and I'm no longer inviting him to anything, including my birthdays, work events and my future children's milestones. I'm leaving the door open in case he ever wants to try to make an effort to be better (therapy, apologies and actually caring about my accomplishments), but I'm more than ready to close it. I ended up talking to him one more time, again through the phone, a couple of weeks after my last update. I told him all of the above. And when he yelled at me, I asked him to name a single project I'd worked on in college (I had told him about four, and explained one of them in detail several times, none of which he'd remember the next day). He couldn't. I asked him to at least loosely describe one of them. He couldn't either. I kept asking him about multiple details about my life that I clearly remembered telling him about (always at least twice). Nada. He claimed I'd never told him about any of this stuff. I said that not only had I informed him of these things frequently, we'd also had that exact conversation dozens of times before. And the outcome is always the same: he's a great father, and I'm ungrateful and dramatic. I told him I'll always love him and be grateful for the things he did for me, but I'm done. He only cares about me as his daughter, and not a grown woman that exists outside of his life. He never actually cared about anything that wasn't about him. I'm done with him thinking I'm not worth the same respect that I have bent over backwards to give him my whole life. We haven't spoken since. My cousin told me her mom (his older sister) berated him on the phone a few days later. My mom has offered to do the same, but I declined. He's been trying to talk to my sister about it, but I told her to stay out of it. Things have been getting a bit better between me and her. I considered having my stepfather walk me down the aisle, but he remembered me saying I never wanted my dad to give me away in the first place, so he encouraged me to do things my way. I ended up walking alone, to a string version of Metallica's "Nothing Else Matters". About half way through, my 3-year-old goddaughter came up to me and grabbed my hand, and we walked the rest of the way together. It was perfect. And so much better than anything I could have planned. My father texted me during the wedding, probably to ask for pictures. I didn't reply. For now, I feel numb. There is very little about the situation that didn't break my heart, and I'm not exactly happy about the outcome. Most of the time, I'm too sad to think about the silver linings, but too exhausted to actually feel sad. That being said, I'm also ecstatic. I never thought I'd be as happy about my wedding as I am. We also just got back from our honeymoon, so it's been easier to focus on the good times. Also, some people have PM'd me asking who my father is, or even speculating about it. Please don't. This is still my family. In spite of everything, he is still my father and I love him. I came here for advice, not revenge or sabotage. I wouldn't have created a throwaway if I didn't want to be kept anonymous. That's all, folks. Thank you for all your kind words and advice. &nbsp; *In the comments:* >*Regarding her goddaughter running to her in the aisle:* OP: It was beautiful. I found out later that her mom encouraged her to do it so that I wouldn't walk alone. *For anyone curious, OP shared in the comments that [this](https://youtu.be/m1cKYWuVOAk?si=3MmOO83U-iFtq-f3) is the version of Metallica's "Nothing Else Matters" that they used for the wedding.* &nbsp; *Flairing this concluded as the wedding has happened and OP has indicated that this will be her final update* **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

AITA for telling my father I'll cut ties with him if he doesn't come to my wedding? New Update

CONCLUDED

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16p41yb/aita_for_telling_my_father_ill_cut_ties_with_him/

16p4ipv

This is a New Update on a story previously shared here. If you want to skip to the new post, I have it marked with 🔴🔴🔴. Originally posted by u/st23mv in r/AITAH on Aug 20, '23 updated on Aug 22, '23, Aug 26, '23, and Sept 8, '23. Some of the comments are long so I have marked each new post with a 🔷️ if you wanna skip the comments. EC activities is Extra Curricular (sports, clubs, etc) T20 School refers to the top universities in the US (Harvard, Duke, etc) OP has since posted in other subs indicating that he has received an award for being the top student in his grade, has a perfect GPA, and is in AP classes. He takes his academic studies very seriously. Trigger Warning >!parental neglect, custody issues, blended family issues!< Mood Spoiler >!infuriating!< &nbsp; **[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15wre32/aitah_for_insisting_on_living_with_my_dad_to/)** Aug 20, '23 &nbsp; **AITAH for insisting on living with my dad to attend a better school?** I'm 15M, living with my mom since she and my dad divorced. My dad just got married to a woman with two sons (13 and 8 years old) and they all moved into her house. ​ Where I'm currently living with my mom isn't great, especially compared to where my dad lives now. Even the schools there are much better. My school doesn't send students to T20 while this other school sends students to 20, so it is a huge difference. ​ I talked to my mom about it, and she thought it might be a good idea for me to live with my dad for the sake of the better school. So, I brought up the idea to my dad. ​ He told me he needed to think about it and would get back to me. After a few days, he told me it wasn't possible. ​ Naturally, I asked him why, and he explained that their house only has three bedrooms (theirs and one for each of his sons). He said this is a new phase in their lives and they need time to adjust to living together. He also mentioned that my stepbrothers and I haven't spent much time together, so there's a chance of conflicts arising. He thinks I should get to know my stepbrothers better before making a big change that could disrupt the family dynamics. ​ I didn't agree with his answer, though. I told him I'd be totally fine sharing a room with my 13-year-old stepbrother, and we've never had any issues when we've hung out. I also pointed out that saying no to this opportunity could seriously affect my college plans, given that the school in that area is much better. I explained that I spend a lot of time at school studying or in EC activities, so I'll not impact a lot in family dynamics. I'm very obedient and I'll do all chores that they need at house. I'll spend the weekends at my mom house. ​ But he stuck to his decision. ​ I really want to move-in, so I reached out to my grandparents and uncles to talk to my dad. They had a chat with him, and he called me afterward, pretty angry. He said I should've accepted his first answer and now the whole family is against him, thinking he's not acting correctly. ​ AITA? &nbsp; *In the comments:* *Note; OP posted an identical post in r/AmItheAsshole [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15whh0f/comment/jx209ry/) and this first comment is from that post* >the issue is he moved into her house. You may have no problem sharing a bedroom with your step brother, but maybe he does. It's his room. *A few people have this argument. OP points out a [similar post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15ne57c/update_aita_for_not_allowing_my_stepson12m_to/) where everyone found the step mom at fault and thought the step son should move in:* **AITA for not allowing my stepson(12M) to live with us** *There really a few people who think he's being selfish but the overall judgment is Not The Asshole* &nbsp; 🔷️ **[2nd post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/15wu3aa/i_wanna_live_with_my_dad_but_i_cant_seem_to_get/)** Aug 20, '23 - r/advice &nbsp; *Most of this post is identical so I'm only including a bit of it* **I wanna live with my dad, but I can't seem to get him to be cool with it** I get that their house doesn't have enough rooms for each kid, but I'm willing to share. I understand it's a different dynamic for those used to having a room to themselves, but it's new for me too. I admit I don't know my stepbrothers that well, but up to now, I've never had any relationship issues with anyone in my life. I've always been respectful and helped with chores, and that wouldn't change now. I don't understand where the fear that I could cause harm to them is coming from. I genuinely see this opportunity as really important, but I'm at a loss for how to convince my dad to let me live with them. I'm in need of ideas. &nbsp; *In the comments:* >I know you’re only a teen but you need to grow up a bit here. You’re being very selfish. Why would you want to be somewhere you’re clearly not wanted? It’s your stepmom’s house. It’s not like your dad bought the house with her. OP: First, I'll be there every weekend because it's also my dad's house. Actually, if I attend school there, I'll spend Monday through Thursday there, and I'll be with my mom on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. So, it's just one day of difference. Second, there's a significant distinction if I go to school in my dad's district or my mom's district. I want to get into a good college. College can make a huge difference in the life. &nbsp; 🔷️ **[1st Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15yn86x/update_aitah_for_insisting_on_living_with_my_dad/)** Aug 22, '23 &nbsp; **UPDATE - AITAH for insisting on living with my dad to attend a better school?** ​ Well, I guess any chance of me studying near my stepmom's house is over. ​ A few days ago, I messaged my dad asking what time he'd pick me up on Friday to spend the weekend at their place. He didn't respond. So, I asked again and he said he wouldn't be picking me up, that I wouldn't be spending the weekend there. ​ I asked why, and he said it's not his weekend, it's the next one. ​ I was really pissed off by this, because he never used to use the "weekend is his or not" excuse. Before he got married, we spent practically every weekend together. ​ To me, this showed that he truly chose his "new" family over me. He knew I was already upset about the school situation, and he did this to show that I'm not welcome there. ​ I told him that it's okay for him to choose his "new" family, but he didn't need to pick me up anymore, that he could just forget I exist and I'd do the same. ​ I logged into Instagram (which I don't use) to block him, and I saw a picture of him at an amusement park with my stepbrothers, and he had written: "Me and my boys." He didn't even invite me to go with them, I have no idea when that was. He truly excluded me from his life. ​ I got even more furious and sent him a message telling him to enjoy having 2 sons now instead of just one, and that I wanted him to go f*** himself. ​ My dad called me multiple times. I answered once and he started scolding me, saying I'm acting like a child, and I hung up on him and didn't pick up again. ​ He sent several messages saying he wants to talk to me. ​ I was really naive in this whole situation. He replaced me months ago. I couldn't bike to school because of the knee surgeries I had, and I just realized now that he never once took me to school. It was always my grandparents or my mom. ​ Lately, I've seen him very little and I thought it was because of the surgeries and recovery, but apparently, he only had space for "every other weekend," whereas before his new family, he was always available for me. ​ My mom is upset with me too. She says I lost my reason, that I have to talk to my dad, that I'm not behaving appropriately. ​ As far as I'm concerned, I'll never talk to my dad again. Now I'm gonna spend the night locked up in my room 'cause if I step out, my mom's gonna try to force me to talk to him. I don't know if I'm doing right or wrong, but right now I'm just really angry and sad. I never thought my dad could replace me like this, I thought he truly cared about me. Edit: People are saying that my mom is taking my dad's side. Nope. She doesn't want me to be in a fight with my dad. She's saying that we need to talk, listen to each other. I guess no mom wants her kid to be in a fight with their dad. But I don't want to talk to my dad tonight. UPDATE: He sent a lot of messages last night. He's saying that we need to talk in person, that I'm misunderstanding everything. ​ He came over early this morning, but I told my mom I didn't want to talk to him and locked myself in my room. ​ He wants to come tonight to talk. &nbsp; *In the comments:* If my stepmom moved into my dad's house, would he have the right to say he didn't want her kids? If something happened to my mom, would I not be able to live with my dad? . My parents split up when I was little. Since then, I've been living with my mom. I never really considered moving in with my dad, because it just didn't make sense. I have my grandparents really close by here, for instance. My dad has always been around. He used to come over many times during the week. This whole "every other weekend" thing he mentioned now wasn't a thing. In my view, the school situation is something he should have looked into and discussed with my stepmom, who would've wanted me to study there. We're talking about a huge difference in school quality. I don't think it's reasonable for adults to equate the challenges of sharing a room with the potential life-changing impact of education. My dad and stepmom are smart enough to get that, but it seems the reality is that they didn't want me there. You see, I would understand if we were talking about a house already crammed with two kids per room, but that's not the case. The reality is what I mentioned in the post. Ever since this relationship started, my dad has been drifting away from me and I didn't notice. I'm realizing now that it's become really apparent. . I can't believe at any point that my dad really put in the effort for me to come live with him. He never sat me down to talk with my stepmom or my step brother to see if we could reach some kind of understanding. And after my grandpa and uncle talked to him, he didn't reflect on it, but instead he called me and gave me the biggest lecture I've ever had in my life. It wasn't something like "I wanted you to come live here, but it's not possible right now." It's like "I have already decided and you are push my family against me" Actually, he never even said any phrase like "I wanted you to come live here." It seems like he never truly wanted it. . Furthermore, this was an excellent opportunity to teach my stepbrothers that education was important. So important that I would be moving there, and everyone would have to put in an effort to adapt. It's also quite interesting to talk about my stepbrother's privacy as if I wasn't giving up my own privacy. And what about my privacy when I visited my dad? That was something I'd never have, since I'd never have a room to myself. . I'd really need some feedback from my dad about what's actually going on. Does my stepmom not like me? Have I done something to upset my stepbrothers? What can I do to improve my relationship with them? He hasn't said a word. I don't have a real reason why I can't spend the weekend there. So, I'm left with the impression that he simply doesn't want me around them. *In response to a deleted comment:* First, there's a point you're misunderstanding. You think I wanted to simply move into my dad and stepmom's house. That's not it. I wanted the opportunity to study at a much better school than my current one, and for that, I needed to live there. Of course, living with other people is incredibly complex. I've never denied that. But I saw it as a unique opportunity in my life. What many people here seem not to understand is that we're poor. Getting into a good college, I believe, would be a significant change for my future and my family's future, especially for my mom, whom I could provide a better retirement for. You can't grasp the magnitude of this. You even compared wanting an educational opportunity to getting a PS5. Do you know when I've asked my parents for something like a PS5? Never, because I've always known our financial situation. And you're wrong again about how you say going to that school wouldn't make a difference. It absolutely would. Admissions officers focus much more on the high school years than any other years. Having sophomore and junior years there would make a huge difference, though of course, it wouldn't guarantee anything. Additionally, you keep insisting that I'm only looking at my own side. That's not true. What I've been saying is that I don't agree with equating the difficulty of sharing a room with the educational opportunity that existed up to now. This equivalence I find unfair. And I'll emphasize again that this change is being seen as only bringing advantages, when in fact, I'm also giving up having my own room, leaving the place I've lived all my life, among other things... I must admit I was taken aback by your assumption that I'd live with my grandparents if my mom died. I'd fight to live with my dad, and that's what's right. You're essentially saying that in your view, I'd never have the right to live with my dad, especially since he remarried. In that case, he might as well give up having his name on my birth certificate. Clearly, my dad's life changed dramatically with this marriage. What I didn't expect to change is him saying that now it's only every other weekend, when it's never been like that before. I never expected that change at all. And here's the thing, you're arguing that changing the dynamics of my stepmom's house is complicated, yet at the same time, you don't see an issue in changing the dynamics of my relationship with my dad? Do you not realize the inconsistency there? It seems like I'm the only one who has to accept these changes and lose out because of them. So far, there hasn't been any visible effort to make me more comfortable with all these changes. Lastly, my parents probably don't have the money for me to go to a family therapist. &nbsp; **[Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1621l5x/update_2_aitah_for_insisting_on_living_with_my/)** Aug 26, '23 &nbsp; 🔷️ **UPDATE 2 - AITAH for insisting on living with my dad to attend a better school? ** Sorry for the delay in updating you all. I couldn't come here earlier due to being grounded, and you'll understand why. ​ I talked to my dad, but I told him I'd only talk if my mom was there too. ​ The three of us sat down at the table. ​ My mom said I'd be the first to speak, but when I started talking, she said it wasn't what I should say and that I should apologize first. ​ So, I apologized to my dad for swearing at him. Then, right after, my mom said I'm grounded for two weeks for swearing at my dad, stating that nothing justifies swearing at your own father. It's my first time being grounded in my life. ​ Then, it was my dad's turn to talk. He said I'm being immature and unfair. He explained that he has other people in his life who are important now, so he can't give me the same attention as before. I tried to talk, and my mom told me to listen quietly and that I'd have my chance to speak later. ​ He mentioned that I act like everything has to be according to my will and circled back to the school situation. He told my mom that I talked to my grandparents and uncles, and my mom got upset about that, adding another week to my grounding. And when I tried to complain, she said she was disappointed in me for not understanding that I should respect my parents' decisions, so I figured it would be better not to argue further, as it would extend my grounding. ​ So, I'm grounded for three weeks now, both for swearing at my dad and not respecting his decision. ​ Finally, he said he's always done everything to be present in my life and give me the best he can. He said he feels unjustly treated after years of dedication, and I treat him like he's done nothing for me. I have to agree that he was very present and dedicated until recently, but I can't feel that anymore. ​ When I started talking, my mom said if my tone got aggressive, the conversation would end, as it's meant to be a friendly discussion, not a fight. ​ I tried to stay as calm as possible so that the conversation wouldn't end before I could express what I was thinking. ​ I said I understood that there are more people I need to share my dad's attention with now. However, these people are always with him since they live together, and the little time I'd have with him would only be on weekends. I mentioned that for the first time, he brought up the legal aspect that I'm only entitled to be with him every other weekend. I said this showed that he deliberately chose to decrease the time we spend together. ​ I also said that having new people around doesn't mean he can forget about my feelings or me. I told him that the photo he posted at the Amusement Park with the caption "Me and my boys" hurt me deeply. My mom hadn't seen the photo, so I showed it to her, and she was upset with my dad too. ​ I said I understood the difficulty of me moving to my stepmom's house, but I felt extremely unjustly treated by the arguments presented. It was as if my stepbrother's difficulty sharing a room with me was just as important as a good educational opportunity for me. I said he should be concerned about my future, but it seems like the only opinions that matter are those of his new kids. ​ He said I was misinterpreting things but that he'd be more careful about posting pictures and captions that could hurt me. ​ About the weekend issue, he said we're all still adjusting, and indeed, he'd like me to be able to come over every weekend like it used to be. But now he needs more predictability since more people are involved. I mentioned again that he was putting others' desires ahead of mine and that my wishes were never a priority compared to theirs. This showed me that he had a preference. ​ He fell silent for a moment and then said he'd fix this situation. I'll always be welcome to visit and stay where he lives. He also said he wouldn't bring up the "every other weekend" visitation arrangement again. He said the school issue is more complicated but that he's still looking into a solution. ​ He again said I need to understand that circumstances change, and I'm still his priority, but now there are more people involved. He mentioned he knows it's not easy for a 15yo, but I'm smart enough to know he's speaking the truth. ​ He invited me to spend the weekend with him, but I declined, saying I don't feel welcome at this moment. He said he loves me and that if I ever doubt that at any point, I can call him. ​ So, that's where we are. We're at a bit of an impasse. He's been sending me several messages every day to show he's there for me. ​ I feel like I'm being a bit unfair to him. On the other hand, I feel like his new family doesn't want me around. ​ I don't know where this will lead, but I appreciate the support from those who wrote in the last posts. Edit: As I mentioned, I'm grounded right now, so I don't have much time to respond. I just wanted to say that I think you guys are being a bit hard on my dad and my mom. ​ My mom didn't punish me when I slammed the door in her face and locked myself in my room in the middle of the week. She knew I could get upset, like I did during the week, and the conversation wouldn't lead anywhere, as is normal with us teenagers. She stood by me, for example, in the situation with the photo. So cut them some slack, she's trying to maintain a balance between supporting me and exercising parental control. Of course, I don't like to be grounded and don't agree totally, but she has her points. ​ I'm still sad about the situation with my dad. But I see that part of the conversation was positive, he told me to forget about the every other weekend thing and that I can go whenever I want. He's been sending me messages, even my 13-year-old stepbrother messaged me inviting me over. So I can see that he's making an effort, but I didn't want to go over there this week. ​ That's why I said I'm in a bit of a dilemma. At the same time, I don't feel comfortable going to his house, but I've seen an effort from him in these last few days after the conversation. And if I don't go, I'll never build a relationship and feel more at ease. &nbsp; *In the comments:* >About his mom not letting him talk/express his feelings She just wants to teach me how to control my behavior. Whenever I started talking fast or getting nervous, she would tell me to stop, take a deep breath, and then go on. . I can say anything as long as I maintain respect for the authority at hand; in both cases, the authority was my dad. I swore, so I didn't maintain respect and was punished I didn't respect my dad's response and even exposed something of a personal nature to others, so I was punished. I've learned my lesson and won't repeat the mistake. 🔴🔴🔴 &nbsp; [New Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16diiqm/update_3_aitah_for_insisting_on_living_with_my/) Sept 8, '23 **UPDATE 3 - AITAH for insisting on living with my dad to attend a better school?** Hi, everyone, ​ My posts have been shared on r/BestofRedditorUpdates, so a lot of people have been asking for an update or messaging me. I appreciate the messages, which have generally been supportive (thanks, folks). I wouldn't share more updates, but I will do this one that I hope will be the last one. The last update is here ​ My mom already lifted my punishment; I didn't stay grounded for that entire time. I actually got closer to her during those days of punishment, which was good because we talked a lot. ​ My dad continues to message me every day. He's been making an effort to ensure I don't feel rejected. Last weekend, I went to my stepmom's house, and it was interesting because I think I finally understood that my dad was right; I was being spoiled and trying to force my move there. ​ I was there on Saturday afternoon, and a neighbor kid came to talk to my stepbrother, and I overheard part of the conversation. The neighbor asked if he could sleep over, and my stepbrother said no because I was there. ​ I felt really bad about that. It was probably the first time I understood that my presence there would impact a lot for everyone in the house, and I was being really selfish by not putting myself in their shoes and understanding this. ​ My stepmom married my dad with certain expectations for their life, and suddenly, I unilaterally wanted to change that life. And they probably can't afford a bigger house in the same neighborhood to accommodate me. ​ Of course, if something happened to my mom, they'd take me into their home. But forcing a situation that they likely discussed before getting married was wrong and selfish. I think I was too focused on the ends justifying the means. I value my education a lot, so I was trying to force a situation that would, at the very least, be unpleasant. ​ I was also selfish when I demanded that my dad include me in everything, like in the photo at the amusement park. I still don't like what he wrote, but he'll have to have moments alone with my stepbrothers. ​ Anyway, that's it. I don't think there will be any more updates after this. I've learned my lesson that I need to listen to others more, put myself in their shoes, and control my reactions, which can be unfair. So, I've discovered that AITAH in this story. ​ Again, thanks for the supportive messages. *In the comments:* >Your dad still has to provide decent accommodation for his custody time and that means a proper bed. OP: I sleep on a mattress, but my dad said they're going to buy a bunk bed and so on. >I’m sorry you are being forced to make the sacrifices for everyone around you. OP: But the other alternative would be for other people to make sacrifices for me. So, it's better for one person to make a sacrifice than for everyone else to do it **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

AITAH for insisting on living with my dad to attend a better school? New Update

NEW UPDATE

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16p4ipv/aitah_for_insisting_on_living_with_my_dad_to/

16pc3uv

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/pomozoc **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **I [39M] can't live together with my [38F] wife anymore, I'm trying for 3 years to save my marriage but it only gets worse. Should I divorce or try harder to fix this?** **Editor's Note: Added spaces to make the post readable** Trigger Warnings: >!depression, anxiety, physical abuse, undiagnosed ADHD, divorce, manipulation, and parental alienation!< Mood Spoilers: >!Emotional, unhappy!< --- &nbsp; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15x5nza/i_39m_cant_live_together_with_my_38f_wife_anymore/?share_id=ikSn3u-17oUKTZq5dG_R2&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **August 21, 2023** A bit of context, we have a son [8M] and we are married for 9 years, together since university (19 years in total). We both have grown in poor families, and we worked really hard to get a decent education. We both lost our parents one by one while being together and we have no immediate support group (all our siblings are scattered around the world, as well as friends and distant family). We moved to the UK 6 years ago for better jobs and to provide our son with better education and to offer him a good start in life (we both grew up in a poor country in Eastern Europe). We have good jobs with decent income (I work in sales, and she is WFH) and we work really hard, but we still don't own a house, we did plan it, but in the last 2-3 years we abandoned these plans because we cannot communicate properly; partly due to work stress and tiredness, partly due to mental health issues like anxiety and depression, but mainly because of spending habits, she always picks expensive vacations "for our son" and I always comply because if I don't it's hell; I try to explain that time spent in family anywhere, even at home must feel like a vacation but she constantly tries to escape to overseas vacations. We did couple counselling and individual therapy, I was on antidepressants for a couple of years and we manage our stress better now. We try our best to hide our issues from our son, but he is growing more aware and whenever he feels we are starting an argument, he is trying to distract us with silly questions and recently with bad behaviour, in order to draw our attention from our argument (although we are just having a conversation) and it breaks my heart. One of the main issues is she has undiagnosed ADHD (99% sure), she can't focus on a conversation for more than 15 seconds, starts to provoke me, and gets manipulative and emotional, eventually bringing out the worst in me, and sometimes I lose my calm. If I try to ignore it gets worse and the problem remains unsolved. If I try to tell her it is not a good time, or not when our son is here she blames me for everything, even when we have to discuss daily problems like our son's education, errands, bills or intimate stuff. She never admits wrongdoing, and when she does, she is being sarcastic and puts it on me: "yes master, you are always right, as you say.. etc. I am not trying to portray her as the devil, she has good parts too, I have my parts to blame, but when I try to admit my wrongdoing, when I try to change and fix my behaviour, she sees it as a personal win and goes on more and presses me harder, basically, if I offer her a finger, she would take my whole hand. We haven't had sex in almost a year, I just can't and she won't initiate due to being proud, but she always blames me for this, but I can't do it... I need an emotional connection which isn't there, as I have explained. Our therapist suggested divorce in an individual session because we are unhappy and we don't love each other, therapist words: "if you are unhappy together, your son will also be unhappy, he will be happy if at least one of you is happy no matter if you are together or separated". I am worried about our future, about our son's future and try my hardest to make things work. I don't know what to do, I mentioned to her yesterday about divorcing, and since then she went mayhem: constant blaming, she also manipulates our son (daddy wants to leave us - although I want to be 100% involved in my child's life, our son is way smarter, kinder and empathic than we ever were and I explained to him I will always be here for him and never leave him). I have never been more afraid, I don't know what she is capable of (she once hit me during the pandemic and told her GP that I used violence... the police came weeks later to investigate and found no wrongdoing and when I brought this to the couple's counselling she denied that she hit me and blamed me again). I am tired of being afraid, any decision will be better now than doing nothing and accepting my fate. Please help me. TLDR: I've been with my wife for 19 years; we face communication issues, stress, and potential ADHD. Our 8-year-old son senses our tension. Therapy hasn't fully resolved our problems; our therapist suggested divorce. After mentioning it, she reacted strongly, even involving our son. I fear her unpredictability due to a past false accusation. &nbsp; [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/16j9g2z/update_i_m39_decided_to_break_up_with_my_wife_f39/?share_id=BMOx2SMdcKxs87N7B-icw&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **September 15, 2023 (Three and a half weeks later)** [My original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15x5nza/i_39m_cant_live_together_with_my_38f_wife_anymore/?share_id=ikSn3u-17oUKTZq5dG_R2&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) So, after thinking a lot about this, I decided to confront my anxieties and tell my wife I want a divorce, but first, we need to separate (me moving out) and discuss shared custody and other plans. As stated in my previous post, I previously mentioned divorce to my wife and she probably thought I was bluffing. We arranged a meeting for yesterday (we have busy schedules and our son was at school) and put all the cards on the table. I was rational and calm and she listened with her eyes fixed on me without blinking for the whole 10-20 minutes (which is unusual). I have explained that this is the mature thing to do and it will benefit everyone, we can't continue like this because it will destroy everyone in our family eventually. But when I finished and asked her what are her thoughts, she started to beg me to reconsider: she will change and she will rethink her life choices and we will make it work... She begged me all day long until we went to bed she kept messaging me, sending voicemails, etc. all saying the same thing: please don't leave, we will make it work. She was all emotional and I could not get her to reason, this was her continuous reply in various ways and forms, trying to remind me of the good times and moments. I know that half of her so-called emotional arguments are true, they are exactly where my doubts are, and where our things really were working out. And she promised the other bad things she will improve and she will be a better mother and wife. After I slept over this, I am having second thoughts again. I have been rational all the time, but now I am torn I can't even drink a coffee. People that have separated or were on the brink of divorce but gave up and moved forward being together, how did you work out things and how is life after? What were the boundaries set and how did they work? **Relevant Comments from OOP:** *You are unhappy together, you haven't had sex in a year and she is manipulative and blames you for most everything. You can't change people, they can only change themselves. You can give her a chance if you want but in your previous post you mentioned that you told your therapist you don't love each other any more so what's the point?* >**OP:** I agree with you. I am trying to see if there is any way we can bring to life what we once had. I am now very confused and the mixed feelings are tearing me apart and I can't think rationally. If there is a chance that she will change, I will double that and take it and also change myself. I just need to see if there is anyone who experienced this. it may be wishful thinking, but there might be some couple that made it work and have been in our situation. &nbsp; *Ask her this. If she could really change the way she acts and treats you, why didn’t she do it before? Why didn’t she change when she was physically abusive, instead of lying about it? If threatening to leave is the only way she will change, how long do you think it will last? Does she even know what it is she’s supposed to change? Ask her. Her answer will have nothing to do with the real issues.* *You’ve known her a long time, do you honestly believe she is capable of changing?* >**OP:** She thinks that she never had a female role model in life, her mom was a domestic abuse figure and her dad was physically abusing/beating her mom until they grew up. >I am always trying to use soft power and convince people, rather than forcing them, that is why I feel now she is being forced by my decision and she really wants to change, but I don't know if it will be long-term. I believe people can change, but only if this comes from themselves, not from exterior pressure. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

I [39M] can't live together with my [38F] wife anymore, I'm trying for 3 years to save my marriage but it only gets worse. Should I divorce or try harder to fix this?

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16pc3uv/i_39m_cant_live_together_with_my_38f_wife_anymore/

16pud86

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Any-Tune87 **AITA for uninviting a girl from my boyfriend's birthday party without him knowing?** **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole & r/offmychest **Thanks to u/czechtheboxes for suggesting this BoRU** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!sexual assault of a minor,  incest!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/mrpIZ8XcQA)  **May 2, 2023** I am new to reddit. My boyfriend (m28) and I (f27) have been together for 8 years and are in a pretty serious relationship. Recently my boyfriend joined a new course where he is getting extra training to be suitable for a job role he has applied for. He has been talking about this girl (f22) in his class. He says she is quite but kind and has anxiety issues and was talking about an incident where she ended up crying in front of the whole class while presenting. Apparently, after that incident my boyfriend approached her and offered her help before the next presentation. So since then they have been working together and my boyfriend mentions several times that he feels something is wrong with her as in she would constantly shake, would not sit next to him, would startle really easily. My boyfriend told me how she finally confided in him. She told him she was r*ped by her brother when she was young and when she told her family they never believed her, so the abuse continued for years until she ran away from home. I felt sorry for her, but I found it weird that she told my boyfriend all that information as if she was trauma dumping. For the next couple of days, my boyfriend became more close to her. He invited her to the house to work there. I admit, she is a beautiful girl. When my boyfriend introduced us she started being weird and complimented a lot. Like a lot. Saying things like "You are more beautiful then what he describes" and "He is so lucky to have you." I found that very weird from her. 2 weeks ago we were planning his birthday party and my boyfriend decided to invite her too. I told him it was a bad idea and that she could end up having a panic attack at the party which will make everything awkward. He didn't listen and he invited her. Few days before the party she calls my boyfriend and I pick up the phone because he was in the shower. She said she called to ask what the dress code was and that she was excited for the party. I told her then that I think it was best she doesn't come and that it will only cause awkwardness if she ends up having a panic attack. I told her that I found it weird that she was getting so close to him and telling him information that normal people would think twice before telling anyone. I told her (which I am not proud of) that just because she was r*aped doesn't mean she can get away with acting for attention. I admit I was harsh, but she was acting cute and innocent.. She apologised and cut the call and didn't come to the party. Now I feel bad, because my boyfriend recently told me how she stopped talking to him and that she hardly stays in class anymore. He said he saw her crying that day and when he approached she didn't say anything and walked off. He said he is scared he may have done something to upset her. I don't think I did anything wrong, I just think I was harsh but she needed to know she was crossing her line. I'm more upset that my boyfriend thinks he did something wrong. AITA? **VERDICT: REMOVED BEFORE VERDICT RENDERED** [Update - I have ruined my 8 year relationship with my boyfriend who now doesn't even want to look at me.](https://reddit.com/r/offmychest/s/qKO5M3elsu)  **Sept 15, 2023** I (27f) have ruined my 8 year relationship with my compassionate boyfriend (m28) by being petty to one of his friends. I posted on reddit couple of months ago and received so much hate. I was rude to one of my boyfriends lady friend who was a victim of child r*pe. I won't go into details but I was worried my bf will leave me for her because of how nice he was to her. I am not a bad person but I was called all sorts of name by people. I admitted in the post I was harsh on the girl but didn't think my post will end up in Am i the devil forum. I told my bf the truth of why his friend wasn't talking to him and his reaction broke me. He started crying and saying how I could be so cruel to her and him. He said he was only helping her because he aunt was also a victim who suffered all her life till she decided to stop fighting. He said he could never and would never think of leaving me for another woman because he loved me a lot. I cried with him and told him how sorry I was and I wanted to apologise to the girl. He said she has left, hasn't come back and no one knows where she is. He said he tried calling her but her number comes as invalid, he said he tried asking around and no one knows where she is. He is afraid for her and now so am I. I am scared that girl might have done something to herself and I can't live with that. My bf has since said he wants a break and called me yesterday and told me he wants to break up. He said if after 8 year relationship I can't trust him then I never can. He told me he was planning to propose me on my 28th bday but he thinks there is no point in moving this relationship forward. I am heartbroken and have tried to reason with him and begging him for a second chance. But he said he can't be with me anymore and can't look at me with love. I am heartbroken and shattered. I ruined my relationship, possibly have caused an innocent person to fall in harm and I can never live with that. I feel guilty and angry at myself for getting my feelings in the way. I wish I could find that girl and apologise and I wish my bf changes his mind but both seem unlikely atm. My mum is trying to console me but my sis is being harsh and telling me the only one to blame here is me. I don't know who to talk to because I know the reaction will be the same everywhere and everyone will have the same judgment. I wish I could turn around time and change things. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for uninviting a girl from my boyfriend's birthday party without him knowing?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16pud86/aita_for_uninviting_a_girl_from_my_boyfriends/

16pugju

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** [u/aitabear](https://www.reddit.com/user/aitabear/). He posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Trigger Warning:** >!child leukemia!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!happy ending in this situation!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16c5zni/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_wife_wake_our/)**: September 6, 2023** My wife, kids (12f, 10f, 8m, 6m, 4m), and I just spent 3 weeks at our cabin while we got some repairs done on our house. Our 10 year old, Rose, has leukemia. A lot of the activities around the cabin are outdoors and Rose doesn't usually have the energy for that, so one of her favorite activities has been watching the wildlife from this big window seat in the master bedroom and taking pictures of what she sees. Her goal since she started doing this was to see a bear. There are some in the area but it's not too common to see one. She has me take her up to the window seat after dinner and usually falls asleep watching for bears. Towards the end of the 3 weeks, I had to take her to the hospital for chemo. 3.5 hours each way. That night she fell asleep in the window seat again and when I got up to carry her to bed, there were 2 bears close to our cabin. I called my wife over to see and I took a picture on Rose's iPad but my wife wanted to wake Rose up so she could see. She hadn't gotten to see a bear this trip. I told my wife she needs to rest and that showing her the picture would be enough but my wife still tried to wake her up. I stopped her again and got Rose in bed. The next morning I told Rose that there were bears last night and I showed her the picture. She asked if I woke her up. I said yes because I didn't want her to get upset but my wife told Rose that I wouldn't let anybody wake her up. We did not see any more bears for the rest of the trip and Rose has been devastated. She refuses to speak to me and deleted the pictures I took for her because apparently it doesn't count. She's even refusing to sleep next to me (she's been sleeping between me and my wife since she got sick) so my wife has had to sleep in Rose's room since the trip. My wife is even talking about taking Rose back to the cabin for a week to try to see a bear. I don't think it's a big deal but my wife and Rose are still upset with me so I wanted to know if I was the asshole. ***Relevant Comment:*** *Reasoning:* "My wife takes her to the zoo at least once a week. She's there for nearly every special event, including the first day they brought the bear cubs out." ***OOP is pretty much unanimously called YTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16krjmn/update_aita_for_not_letting_my_wife_wake_our/)**: September 16, 2023** My wife, my FIL, and Rosie have been at the cabin for 4 days now. I ordered stuffed animals, window decals, art sets, a kiddie telescope and binoculars, a camera, and a couple chairs for her to sit outside. My wife, FIL, and Rosie were able to go out a lot more than when we were there with the family and they were even able to visit a national park in the area. Between Rosie’s new gear, the trips to the national park, and staying up late bear watching every night, she saw bears on more than one occasion. She’s feeling much better and they’re coming home on Monday. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Well why tf didn't you go with her?* "I have to work and we have 4 other kids. If I would’ve gone with her my wife would’ve had to stay home" *Sweet:* "She actually managed to see them 3 times. Once at the national park and twice from her window. My wife FaceTimed me so I could see her reactions and it was adorable. I have a few more surprises waiting for her at home" *Those surprises- did you take the bears home /s* "Haven’t been able to pull that one off yet. She just has new clothes and toys waiting for her at home. Update: they got home a little early. Rosie LOVES all of the toys and clothes in her room." "She does have a new stuffed bear and the window decals I got for her to play with at the cabin included bears."

AITA for refusing to let my wife wake our daughter up to see a bear?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16pugju/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_wife_wake_our/

16pugoy

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/artwhizinthesnow](https://www.reddit.com/user/artwhizinthesnow/). He posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Trigger Warning:** >!sexual harassment!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!happy-ish ending!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16ei1cp/aita_for_telling_my_dad_that_hes_the_reason_my/)**: September 9, 2023** My (19M) girlfriend (19F) have known each other since we were toddlers. Her dad (55M) came to this country in the 90s to work and made many good friends, which my dad (55M) was one of them. In the latter half of the decade, he returned to China to marry my girlfriend's mom and brought her back to my country. It's a very inspiring story. We grew up together and it was a running joke between our dads that we would get married one day. Once we started going to middle school and high school together, we went to separate elementary schools, we got a lot closer. We started dating when we were 14. Her dad became very cold with me, which was expected considering I was dating his daughter, but my girlfriend said he would warm up to me in about two to three years. He did, until recently. After we graduated high school, my girlfriend moved in with my family since we're closer to the university. That's when her dad started to become cold to me again. I thought maybe it was because I took her daughter away, but my girlfriend's mom told me that my dad has been saying really sexual stuff about me to her dad. I confronted my dad about this and he confirmed it. He's said stuff like how I'm inside her or how we don't like wearing clothes when we're in the bedroom. I told him to maybe tone it down a bit, but he told me to chill out and that they're just jokes. I told him that if my girlfriend is the one I'll marry in the future, I want her dad to like me and that no dad wants to hear about their daughter's sex life. He said I'm overreacting and that I'm being an a-hole. AITA? EDIT: When I say her dad got cold after she moved in with me, I don't mean right away. We had sweet moment when they took me on a Christmas family vacation and I had a one on one with him. It was sometime after that that he started getting cold to me. EDIT: When I told him to tone it down, I meant no sex talk, not less sex talk, especially WITH HER DAD. Like they used to joke about how we'd get married one day and we'd be one big happy family. Or when we did start dating, he'd be like "Haha my son kisses your daughter all the time." Tone down to that. ***Relevant Comments:*** *How things were before:* "It sucks because last Christmas, they took me on a family vacation, my gf's dad took me to one of his restaurants, without my girlfriend mine you. I'm pretty sure he wants to pass down his restaurant back at home and maybe eventually the rest of them, to one of his son, but my gf and her other brother want to be involved. I think this was his way of getting me interested in the business. He told me how he was happy that his daughter chose such a great guy. It was such a sweet moment and recently he started getting cold like in the beginning of my relationship. MY DAD RUINED IT!!!" *Can you talk to her dad and clear the air?* "I don't know how to talk to him about it. Like he has an image of me sleeping with his daughter. Like I think he knows that we are doing it, but I don't think he wants to hear about it, which I 100% understand. When I ask my gf about her dad's coldness, she said he'll get over it eventually. Before I found out why he was cold to me recently, she tried to talk to him about me, but he said he's busy. I think the image of me and her is engraved in his head and I hate it." *What does your mom think about all of this and of what your dad says?* "So my family is catholic, but my mom is fine with me having sex with my gf because we've been together for a long time and our families believe we'll get married in the future and she wants us to be happy. Her rules is that I'm allowed to have sex, but she doesn't want to see it or hear it. She essentially wants to pretend it's not happening." "I don't know if my mom's aware **\[of what dad says\]**. I'll try to talk to her about it, but I'll try to talk to her about it, but she doesn't like sex talks because it makes her uncomfortable. That was the point I was trying to make in my first reply, but I forgot to, sorry lol." *Confronting his dad:* "I'm not really a confrontational person, it's just that I've worked so hard so develop a relationship with my gf's dad and my dad's unintentionally flushing it down the toilet. I don't usually get mad and I know that if I get really loud, my dad will get louder and it'll just keep escalating until it's really out of control." "I have to admit I'm scared of my dad, so that's why I'm going going move out with my gf and keep my gf far far away from him" *What does your girlfriend think of all of this? Is she impacted?* "She just kind of ignores it and avoids my dad, so probably mildly. She says it's not that big a deal, which is why my post focused more about her dad than her because he cares more than her. However I'm going to try to move out with her." "She said she doesn't care, but I feel like she does and she's just saying that because she lives under his roof" *More on what his dad says:* "Stuff like my son is constantly in your daughter. Or damn do they make the bed creek. Or my son washes his bedding nearly every morning. And more. So they aren't far fetched, but weird and creepy." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16ke0cg/update_aita_for_telling_my_dad_that_hes_the/)**: September 16, 2023 (1 week later)** **(Editor's note:** I changed letters to names for readability) It's been a week and I have good news and bad news. Good news is my gf has a family of angels. I called my gf’s brothers, who I’m very close to, let’s called them Brother Allen and Brother Ben, and asked if we could stay with them until we find a more permanent place to stay. They insisted that we stayed free of charge as long as we contributed to the grocery bill and kept the place clean. Ben is a professional chef, while Allen is in university for business, and is likely to have their dad’s family business past down to him. They had a spare room for us to sleep in, and Ben even gave us his bed to sleep in, while he sleeps on an air mattress, because “I don’t get any b\*tches.” Anyways, Allen and Ben invited their parents over, because their parents, especially their dad, can’t resist a free meal from their professional chef son. Ben made a delicious dinner. When we were finished, Allen and my gf took the dishes into the kitchen to help Ben clean up, and my gf said before she left, “Daddy, he has something important to talk to you about.” I was left alone at the table with her parents and I was tomato red. I mustarded up an apology and explained that I never told my dad any of that stuff and I don’t know how my dad knows about it, and that I would never share to anyone, because that stays between my gf and I. I also emphasized that his daughter is the love of my life and I love her more than anyone and anything in the world, and that I have immense respect for him. He said nothing and just stared at me for a good minute, before shouting at Allen to bring him some beers. He opened two beer for himself and I, his wife doesn’t drink, and clinked bottles with me. He explained that he forgives me and that he believes me. He added that he thinks my dad is a weirdo, and that they used to go out for drinks or fishing all the time, but now he’s stopped, to avoid hearing about his daughter’s personal life. He put his hand on my shoulder and told me that he trusts that his daughter chose the right man, which made me want to cry. Bad news is my parents are getting a divorce. When I left, I sat my parents down and explained to them why I was leaving. My mom hugged me and cried, while my dad said and did nothing. My gf and I left right away. Turns out my dad didn’t take it well and my parents starting fighting a lot. Now, my mom is divorcing my dad. I especially feel bad for my mom, because this was her second marriage, and the longer one, and I feel like it might discourage my mom from finding love again. TL;DR, I fixed my relationship with my gf’s dad, but I unintentionally ruined my parents’ marriage. ***Relevant Comment:*** *You didn't ruin their marriage your father did. And this was probably the straw that broke the camel's back.* "Dear lord, I hope he wasn't fantasizing about my girlfriend" *Your mom sounds great too:* "She really is. I hope she finds a wonderful man that will be right for her."

AITA for telling my dad that he's the reason my girlfriend's dad doesn't like me

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16pugoy/aita_for_telling_my_dad_that_hes_the_reason_my/

16pugsw

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/kitti\_wampus](https://www.reddit.com/user/kitti_wampus/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Mood Spoiler:** >!best outcome for OOP!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1650q5f/aita_for_telling_my_boyfriend_that_he_cant_move/)**: August 29, 2023** I (30F) have been dating my boyfriend, (32M) for about five months now. I own my home as I purchased it this February and it is my second home. I made a good amount on my first home and put most of that money towards this house. I have a good career making about 80K and my mortgage is $1500. My boyfriend rents a room from his friend who owns a townhouse. His friend travels a lot for work and is hardly ever home. Maybe 1 week out of the month or so. My boyfriend pays $800 a month, which includes utilities. It's a nice place and my boyfriend makes good money as well, probably around 60-70k. So recently, his friend was thinking about selling his townhouse and just moving in with his girlfriend. He told my boyfriend this, who then came over one night and sort of sprung all of it on me and told me that he should move in with me. I was really shocked as we have only been dating for five months and I really don't think that is long enough time for me to think about letting him move in. I tried talking about it with him and told him I needed some time to think it over. He was visibly annoyed, but let it go. So yesterday, I got a text from him stating that his friend plans to list his townhouse in Oct and my boyfriend needs to be out by the end of Oct. My boyfriend doesn't have a lease or anything, but he texted me and said he needs to move in with me short term as that's not enough time to find an apartment. I texted him back and said we could talk that night. When he came over last night, he was ranting/begging me to let him move in. About how he didn't make enough money to get an apartment, and that it would just be less stressful for him to move in with me. That if he could help pay half than it would be good for me too, etc, etc. I shut down that idea and told him we have not been together long enough for me to want to take that step. He got upset and called me heartless, and then left. He texted me today and apologized, but still asked that I think about it a few more days. I told my friend and coworker today about everything, and he said that I'm an asshole for not letting him move in. I was really shocked, but my coworker kept going, saying that in this economy people can't afford to live by themselves and that five months is long enough to move in together. I didn't say anything, but just remained quiet. So AITA for telling my boyfriend that he can't move in with me? ***Relevant Comment:*** *Could boyfriend be lying about why his roommate is moving:* "His friend is really selling as his girlfriend's apartment is very close to the airport, while the town home is about 45 minutes away. I did look up similar homes in the neighborhood just to see if it was a possibly that my boyfriend could buy it. The average price is around 350k-450k. I'm meeting my boyfriend tonight, so I will suggest it when we talk, but I am not sure if that is something he wants and or could afford." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update (Same Post): Between August 30-September 1 (1-2 days later)** Well, today has been a stressful day, but I appreciate all the comments. I'm still reading through them all, but I wanted to give an update. First, my coworker surprised me this morning, as I came in, and he had coffee and a sandwich sitting on my desk. He was waiting for me and said he was an idiot and that he was sorry. I've been at my job for over a year now, and this is the first time we've had a disagreement about something. He said he went home and told his girlfriend that he knew he upset me. His girlfriend chastised him and told him he was in the wrong. They talked about it, and she told him that my boyfriend is an adult and that he needs to act like it. We talked this morning a little, but work got busy today, so we didn't talk much the rest of the day. As for my boyfriend, he texted me this morning and asked if he could call me at lunch. I said that was fine, and then I stepped out at lunch to take his call. I started talking first and told him that he can not move in with me. I explained that we are not at that stage yet where I feel comfortable having him move in. I told him I would help him look for an apartment, help him pack and move, and help with anything else he needed, but I was firm on it. He was quiet for a while, and then he told me that he can't afford an apartment on his salary. This didn't make sense to me. As far as I knew, my boyfriend didn't have any outrageous debt and he has a good salary. He's an account manager, and he told me a while back that he makes less than 75k. He also drives an older car so no car payment, and he got a scholarship to play baseball in college. So I asked him how he couldn't afford an apartment? He spent about five minutes talking about how he has other bills to pay and that eating out daily was getting expensive. (My boyfriend does not cook. His job has a cafeteria, so he eats breakfast and lunch there and orders food every night for dinner. This was my only concern in the five months we have been dating.) He talked for a little bit more and every time I asked him a question about it, the responses were vague. I even asked him if he has a lot of credit card debt or something, but things were just not adding up. Finally, though, he told me that he lied. He only received a partial scholarship to play baseball, and he has an "embarrassing" amount of student loans. My boyfriend went to an expensive private college, so I can only guess how much that cost. I was pretty shocked, but things started to click into place. He talked a little more about how he really can't afford a higher rent payment than what he is paying now. I did ask how much and if he was paying on them now, but he said sort of. He maxed out the total for federal loans, but he also has a lot of private loans. He's paying on the private ones currently, but not the federal ones. He said everything kinda of came crashing down on him at once as the payment pause ends in Oct, and his friend wants him out of the townhouse. I told him it was a lot to take in, but that it still wouldn't change my mind about him moving in. He said he understood, but he wanted me to come over for dinner tonight and talk more about everything and our relationship. He said he didn't want to lose me over this, but he did tell me he was hurt that I wasn't ready to take the next step. I told him we will talk later and hung up. Now, I have a few hours before our dinner, but I am on the fence on breaking up with him. I feel like I got some of the information, but not everything. I thought about it all afternoon and realize that I need to hear him out, but also see how he plans to move forward. He is not moving in with him. Part of the reason I felt so strongly against it is because I felt like he only wanted to move in because it would save him money, and not because he cared for our relationship. I make a comfortable salary and can pay my bills. I have student loans, but a reasonable amount and I live within my means. I have no car loans or credit card deb. I worked hard for what I have, and I want a partner who wants to work towards a future together, and not one where they rely solely on me to pay for them without putting in the same amount of effort. I cannot tell if my boyfriend wants to make this relationship work because he cares about us, or if he just sees an easy option for his financial problems. I will hear him out tonight and make my decision then. I have not experienced any other red flags or behavior from him, but I am much more cautious now and will listen to what and how he speaks tonight. **Update 2 (Same Post): September 16, 2023 (18 days from OG post)** Not sure anyone is still looking at this, but I ended breaking up with my boyfriend. Without going into everything that was said, it basically came down to the simple fact that he did not want to move in to further our relationship. He only wanted to move in because he wanted to save money, and he "hoped" that I would help him by letting him move in and lowering his bills and rent, so he could pay off his debts. To be completely honest, the whole thing made me feel so gross. I started to question why he was even dating me and at that point, I knew it was over. My ex surprisingly took the breakup well. No fighting or begging me to change my mind. We went our separate ways, but neither one of us blocked the other on social media. Yesterday, my ex posted that he was in a new relationship and that they were moving in together. I really don't want to think about anything relating to our relationship, and I ended up blocking him on everything for peace of mind. So that's the final update. Not ready to start dating just yet, but spending time with my friends and family and hoping to enjoy the fall weather.

AITA for telling my boyfriend that he can't move in with me?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16pugsw/aita_for_telling_my_boyfriend_that_he_cant_move/

16pury9

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/throwRA-9495 **AITB for breaking up with my fiance for being in love with another woman?** **Originally posted to** r/AmItheButtface **Thanks to u/Twigz8771 for showing me these posts** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Emotional cheating, lies of omission!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheButtface/s/blh6AIcvO0) **Sept 7, 2023** Original Post: My fiance (28M) and I (24F) recently took a vacation to see one of his friends (we'll call her Rebecca). This is the first time I've met this friend, I started dating my fiance right before the pandemic and this was his first time seeing her since it started. The trip itself was fine, but I don't have much in common with Rebecca since she's older than me (I think she's in her early 30s but I don't know exactly). My finace was definitely having a great time though and I didn't think anything of it at the time. When we were leaving for the airport to come home, they hugged each other goodbye and I heard him say "I love you" to her, and she said she loved him too. I've never heard him say "I love you" to any of his other friends. I was pretty upset on the way home and didn't talk much. I was thinking about the trip and how they were acting around each other, how he seemed happier than I remember seeing him in a long time. When we finally got home he asked me what was wrong and I told him I couldn't believe he would tell another woman he loved her right in front of me. He got defensive and said it was a different kind of love and that she's one of the closest friends he has, and that there's not a romantic connection between them. I asked him if he ever had romantic feelings for her and he got quiet for a minute before saying he did have feelings for her years ago before we started dating, but she didn't return the feelings and he put it behind him. I got really upset at him and told him I don't want her at the wedding, and he said that he can't do that because he already asked her if she wanted to be one of the groomsmen. I got more upset that he didn't run it by me first and told him that if he loved her so much that he can marry her instead, and I left. I'm staying with my mom now and he's been trying to reach me to talk about it but I haven't answered him. A couple of my friends say I'm overreacting and I'm starting to think maybe that's true. AITB? EDIT 9/8/23: You all have made your point. I feel awful for how I reacted. I'm not used to having partners that are comfortable around their friends enough to tell them they love them. I let my insecurities get the better of me and it was wrong of me to take it out on my fiance. I left this out from the original post but I have been cheated on before and I think that's where this stems from. I finally responded to him and asked if we could talk this weekend and he agreed. I hope I didn't ruin this forever because I do love him. [Update](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheButtface/s/2StQWX2VvS) **Sept 9, 2023** After getting my ass properly handed to me on the original post, I finally responded to my fiance's text messages and asked if we could talk. He agreed, and we talked on the phone. I apologized for my actions and I brought up the idea of me going to therapy for my insecurities and trust issues, as some of you suggested. I also mentioned that I was partially upset because even though I know we took the trip to see his friend, that I felt like a third wheel because we didn't get to spend that much time alone together, and that he's so close with Rebecca that I felt out of place. He said that therapy was a good idea, but he was still hurt by what I said and said he needed some time alone still to digest everything that's happened. After we talked, I sat with my thoughts and decided to reach out to Rebecca to apologize as well. I messaged her on instagram and told her a I was sorry for acting like a bitch and that I was going to go to therapy, and that I shouldn't let it bother me that he used to have feelings for her and asked her out. She replied back and was very confused. She said he had never asked her out or mentioned anything about him having feelings for her. She explained that she was aromantic and doesn't feel romantic connection, and can be oblivious to when people have feelings for her. She said she always thought of the relationship more like a sibling one, and thought he felt the same. I was so confused and upset at that point that I had to take a walk to clear my mind. I left my phone behind (probably a dumb idea) but I didn't want any distractions. I got home from my walk and I had a bunch of missed calls and texts from my fiance, saying we needed to talk asap. I decided to call him back and he picked up the phone and started yelling at me, asking why I talked to Rebecca and told her what I did. I explained that I thought it was the right thing to do and that I owed her an apology. Apparently after I talked to Rebecca she talked to him and asked him if what I said was true. My fiance was caught off guard and didn't know what to tell her. I asked him what he said and he said he ended up telling her the truth. I asked him what the truth even is. He was quiet again and then said the truth is complicated. I'm like, wtf does that even mean? He said he doesn't think his feelings for Rebecca ever truly went away, but that he is more in love with me and wants to marry me. He wants Rebecca to always be a part of his life and that's why he asked her to be his best man (he told me she was just a groomsman before). I told him I was tired and needed to go to bed. I cried myself to sleep last night. I don't know what to think anymore. My mom says that I can continue to stay with her. I'm scared and alone and I don't know what to do. [Final Update](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheButtface/s/URn2o6HUXj) **Sept 16, 2023** I've officially called it off. I couldn't trust my fiance anymore after he lied to both me and Rebecca about his true feelings. He was apologetic, but he seemed to understand he was in the wrong and that there wasn't any going back to the way things were, so he didn't fight it or anything. Luckily for me, my mother has been incredibly supportive. I've moved back in with her and she's letting me stay for as long as I need until I can get back on my feet. I still plan on going to therapy. Even though my intuition was right, I was still immature about the situation and insecure enough to have that intuition in the first place. If I had been wrong, I'd be a major buttface. I shouldn't let my past experiences with cheating partners affect future relationships. Even though he lied to me, I don't hate my fiance. Love is a complicated thing, and sometimes it's hard to move on from the feelings you have. I don't know what will happen, but I do wish him the best going forward. Despite everything that's happened, I'm pretty happy with my life right now. Things have definitely been better, but I'm making the most of it. My mom and I have become closer, and my friends have helped me explore new hobbies in efforts to help cheer me up. I've discovered an interest in creative writing and am excited to see what I can do with that. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITB for breaking up with my fiance for being in love with another woman?

SUSPECTED FAKE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16pury9/aitb_for_breaking_up_with_my_fiance_for_being_in/

16q4rju

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Torntrust2323 **Originally posted to** r/confessions and r/trueoffmychest **Hired a PI to Watch My Fiancée on Her Girls' Trip and Now I'm Torn** **Editor's note: Added spaces to make the post readable** Trigger Warnings: >!Infidelity, emotional abuse, manipulation!< &nbsp; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/16ds50f/hired_a_pi_to_watch_my_fianc%C3%A9e_on_her_girls_trip/) \- **September 8, 2023** Hey everyone, long-time lurker, first-time poster here. I never thought I'd be the one to spill my story on a confession subreddit, but here we are. To cut a long story short, my fiancée and I have been together for five years. Every year, she goes on this girls-only trip with her close friends. Something in my gut had been bothering me about these trips. Maybe it was the slight changes in her behavior afterward or the cryptic conversations I'd overhear. Instead of directly confronting her, I did something I'm deeply ashamed of. I hired a private investigator to watch her during her recent trip. I got back the results a few days ago, and as much as I regret violating her privacy, my suspicions were not unfounded. The PI presented evidence of her being unfaithful. It shattered my heart. Now, I'm caught in this storm of emotions. On one hand, I deeply regret snooping and not trusting her enough to talk about it. On the other, the betrayal from her side feels even more significant. I love her, but I can't see a future together anymore. How do I even approach this situation? Do I confess my snooping? Or just end things without revealing the reason? Any advice is welcome. &nbsp; **Top Comments Replies to OOP:** >Just tell her you know. You don’t have to give details. She’s not going to tell all her details. Be glad you didn’t marry her &nbsp; >Move on, dude. When she asks why, say I know you're cheating on me and leave it at that. Don't tell her anything else. Her "punishment" is never knowing how you know. > >When you completely stump her and she has no idea how you know, she'll start yelling at you, accusing you of all kinds of shit, telling you you suck in bed and she needed more, that you have a small dick, whatever, anything to get you to scream back. Don't lose your cool. Keep it together and just leave. Then ghost her. > >You're done, here. &nbsp; [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/16kgmcy/update_hired_a_pi_to_watch_my_fianc%C3%A9e_on_her/?share_id=xNintTgeduql9qQeLH_wu&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) \- **September 16, 2023 (Eight days later)** Link to original: [https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/16ds50f/hired\_a\_pi\_to\_watch\_my\_fianc%C3%A9e\_on\_her\_girls\_trip/](https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/16ds50f/hired_a_pi_to_watch_my_fianc%C3%A9e_on_her_girls_trip/) Hey everyone, I've received many messages asking about the situation and I thought it was only right to keep those who cared in the loop. When my fiancée returned from her trip, I tried my best to handle things maturely. I gave her a chance to be honest, asking if there was anything she wanted to share about her trip. Instead of coming clean, she gaslit me, making me question my own perceptions and reality. Having the evidence I had, I confronted her about the affair. She was taken aback and immediately asked how I knew. I told her the truth, that I hired a PI. I didn't want to falsely accuse any of her friends as some of you suggested, even though, honestly, part of me was tempted. She was furious. I've never seen her that angry in all our years together. Additionally, feeling it was the right thing to do, I shared the evidence with one of her friends' boyfriends so he could be informed and consider getting tested, if necessary. It was clear to both of us that our relationship had reached a breaking point. We broke up right then. Despite it being my house that I've financially covered for us, I left and checked into a hotel, giving her space and asking her to pack her things and move out. We didn't communicate for a few days. When she finally reached out, she expressed a desire to talk and perhaps find a way to mend things. But the trust was broken, and I couldn't see a future for us. I told her no. And now, the part I didn't see coming: she's considering pursuing palimony payments. For those unaware, palimony is financial support provided to a partner in a non-marital relationship after separation. I've been informed that due to the relationship laws in our state, this could very well be a real concern. I've initiated the process of hiring a lawyer. During our relationship, I took on the majority of the financial responsibilities, including the mortgage. We had an unspoken understanding - "my money is our money, her money is her money" due to our significant income differential. I never thought that my generosity would come back to haunt me. There it is, the update many of you asked for. I wish I had a happier conclusion to this chapter, but life has its twists and turns. It seems she might have the upper hand in this final act, but I'm hoping for a fair resolution. Thank you for the support and advice; it has really meant a lot.  &nbsp; **Top Comments Replies to OOP:** >You have proof of infidelity, this should have the palimony case thrown out. Her actions ended the relationship, nothing else. &nbsp; >If she goes after palimony show the evidence you have. Would probably get it thrown out. > >ETA - if she has been going on these trips since the start of your relationship, that would probably be more damaging and she never showed good faith into the relationship in the first place. &nbsp;  **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Hired a PI to Watch My Fiancée on Her Girls' Trip and Now I'm Torn

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16q4rju/hired_a_pi_to_watch_my_fiancée_on_her_girls_trip/

16ql7yb

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/thatonehuman_ **I broke up with my fiancé and he says he’ll call the police if I take our cat with me when I move.** **Originally posted to** r/legaladvice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Manipulation, verbal abuse!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/legaladvice/s/6sUb7MtaCX)  **Sept 10, 2023** Me and my ex found a kitten in the backyard back in June. I have been paying for all of her food, litter, toys, and carrier (and I’ll be paying for the vet appointment too in a week) for the entire time we’ve had her. I have proof and store receipts of me paying for all of her things. He hasn’t paid a single cent for her. He never has money and has had three different jobs since we moved in together in march. I’m leaving him and he says I can’t take her with me. He does not clean it her litter or feed her and I have video proof. He also trashes the room and never cleans it, and I have video proof. If I left her with him she would be alone all day for five days a week. For the two days that he is home all he does is play video games all day. He says if I bring the cat with me when I move he will call the police. What can I do? **RELEVANT COMMENTS** expatinpa **Quality Contributor** >When he calls the police they are going to say this is a civil case. So take the cat. Don’t tell him you are taking her, just take her. >He’s trying to bully you, and the cat appears to be the one thing he thinks he can use to control you. Don’t fall for it. About all he can legally do is sue you for the value of the cat. A stray kitten has little monetary value. >Even if he did have a case for theft (which he doesn’t) I certainly wouldn’t leave the cat with him and to hell with the consequences. **OOP replied** >>I see, so there could be a court case in the future? **expatinpa** >>>Small claims at most. >>>If he did call the cops, they’d tell him (with maybe a straight face, but possibly not) that this is a civil matter. >>>Do not leave the cat with him. [Update](https://reddit.com/r/legaladvice/s/l3387gaUCY)  **Sept 16, 2023** So on my last post a lot of people had also mentioned that I should make sure I wouldn’t be responsible for the lease when I move and maybe I should have explained the situation a little bit more. Me and my ex rented a room in a house. We have a live in landlord who is pretty lax, and another roommate. He is very understanding and I would not have been responsible for the lease after moving out even if my ex did not pay. I also remember someone else asking how it was possible that I have proof of him not doing things. I basically had blog videos of the days and the timestamps of the litter box not being cleaned and me cleaning them up and text messages and videos of me having a conversation with him about how I’m the only one taking care of her and him admitting it on camera and in text. That was the proof that I had. Today my ex moved out. When I made my last post, he said he was going to stay and pay rent without me, but before the month was up, he decided to move back in with his parents. Today his whole family came to the house to take his things into a U-Haul. His father came at me cursing and yelling in my face, which I have videos of and his mother came into the room and took my cats cat tree that the landlord gifted to me. That’s fine because I’ve already ordered the exact one and it’s coming in a few days. They are insane people and I am glad to have them out of my life. The cat is with me. I took her to the vet the other day and got her vaccinations and got her chipped and registered in my name and when my ex found out he was very mad but he would not have been able to afford $581 charge anyway. My ex also said that he was going to take all of my things back that he bought for me when we first started dating like my Xbox and my TV and my headset but I flat out refused and I told him that I legally do not have to give those things back and he did not try to fight me on those because he already has his own Xbox and TV and he wouldn’t have room for double of everything anyway. So that was the update. I have my cat I have all my things, and he is out of my life for good until I have to take him to court to fix the whole front bumper and hood of my car for crashing into a dining room table chair on the highway when I let him drive my car home from work. That’s a whole other story. Thank you all for the advice. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I broke up with my fiancé and he says he’ll call the police if I take our cat with me when I move.

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16ql7yb/i_broke_up_with_my_fiancé_and_he_says_hell_call/

16qnu8z

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Efficient-Respond-84 **AITAH for smashing a little girls face in the cake** **Originally posted to** r/AITAH **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Infertility issues, still bith, mention of faking illness for attention!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/5GfoFdLSUX)  **Sept 9, 2023** Throwaway for obvious reasons. Yesterday we had a delayed birthday party for my nephew (8m) as he had his appendix removed during his birthday. In a long line of illnesses that he has had over the last few years that was the most reason issue. He was born premature. The last two years it was immediate family only. This year we went all out. We got the bouncy castle, a chocolate fountain, booked tickets for go-karts for next weekend, a big cake with different marzipan roses and plant leaves molded in chocolate from different trees. He is very interested in Botany and insects. The cupcakes also had different flowers, leaves and insects on them. This cost my sister a lot as they were painstakingly made due to the details. My brother in law's friend is married to a woman that is a bit special. He is not a very close friend but he is included in events. They were both married previously and have 3 (him) and 2 (her) children from previous relationships. All of them above 15. They do have a 10 year old daughter (Meghan) together known as their rainbow baby as she was born after 2 IVF rounds, 4 miscarriages and one stillbirth. She will gladly tell everyone about her health, journey to conception and miracle baby even if you try to shut her up. She wore a cream coloured dress at my sisters wedding, Upstaged another friend of hers proposal by announcing her pregnancy, when her own SIL graduated she faked being ill as she has only gone as far as college an not beyond and couldn't take the attention her SIL was getting. She fakes fainting spells when she doesn't get the attention she needs. Her daughter does the same. She will fake a seizure when the conversation topic moves on from her etc. At the party I was in charge of food and I set up the cakes, cupcakes and other refreshments in the front room as there would be lots of children running around and we didn't want grubby hands all over them before my nephew blew out the candles. Meghan kept disturbing me going in and out of the room and her mother egged her on. She asked if she could take pictures of Meghan eating a cupcake and then they would join the others in the garden. I said no and locked the door after I had set everything up and put the key in my bag. After about an hour or so of games people started to move towards the table area and my sister asked me to go get the candles and cake ready. Meghan ran ahead of me and as I entered the hallway she unlocked the door which to me was a surprise as the key should have been in my bag. Her mother was almost shoulder to shoulder with me when Meghan dipped her nose and cheeks in the cake and had this deranged trying to be cute smile on her face. She picked one of the flowers of the cake and ate it. Her mother cheered her on and took a picture before I could react, saying that the first pick of the flowers was hers anyway for being special. A few more people were in the hallway at this point including my nephew and sister. He didn't look happy. I don't know what came over me, but I walked up to Meghan and smashed her head into the cake. The aftermath was not pretty. Her mother started screeching which brought more people into the small hallway and the front room. Meghan started crying and her father threatened to do some not so nice things to me before my brother in law managed to interfere. He had to literally drag him out of the house. Some people in the crowd laughed others stayed quiet. Then those who missed it asked questions and I explained what happened. Meghan and her mother who were still in the room tried to justify their ations even saying that I was the one that ruined the cake. Others sided with me that nobody wanted to eat a cake with Meghan boggers. In the end they left. My sister has cancelled Meghan and her family's go-kart tickets. She also billed Meghan's mother for the cake. Meghan's mother forwarded the bill to me via a Whatsapp message and I refuse to pay for it. She said what her daughter did was fixable, but how I reacted was not. She also billed me for Meghan's dress dry cleaning, I have no intention of paying that either. There has been quite a commotion on Facebook and Whatsapp groups as my sister is threatening with small claims court. Older generation say I am the Asshole as I reacted inappropriately. AITAH for making a mountain out of a molehill. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Signal_Historian_456** >NTA What the hell? Why exactly is this family invited at all? And what did the dad‘s say to each other? **OOP replied** >>There was some shouting on the driveway. Her father sent me threatening text. My BIL wasn't happy about it. They went to discuss the matter at the local pub. Couple of the other guys went to mediate. The are not back yet. * **OOP ON IF SHE APOLOGIZED TO HER NEPHEW** >Thanks for the thoughtful reply. I have already apologised to him and as he is still upset about the cake today I told him I would make it up to him. He says he knows the cake was ruined due to Meghan's behaviour but was still sad that his birthday party became about Meghan and her mother. Even when the children were done eating the remainder of the food they talked about the incident and didn't talk to much about his party. >Thinking back I guess I should have put her mother's face in the cake. Oh well, done is done and I don't have a time machine. [Update](https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/fOMMivV0HF)  **Sept 17, 2023** I ended up paying for the drycleaning and apologised to Meghan. Meghan's father agreed to and paid for the cake and some extra cash to make up for a ruined birthday. Meghan's mother is banned from future family events, her father will only be invited to certain things minus his wife and Meghan. My nephew has put it behind him and I will take him to an amusement park of his choice an pay for him and his closest friends. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITAH for smashing a little girls face in the cake

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16qnu8z/aitah_for_smashing_a_little_girls_face_in_the_cake/

16qnv4k

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Flashy_Guess7973 **Originally posted to** r/TwoHotTakes **My husband made our nanny quit** Trigger Warnings: >!postpartum depression, divorce, gaslighting, manipulation, sexual harassment!< Mood Spoilers: >!Frustrated, Eye-opening for OOP!< --- &nbsp; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/16hw433/my_husband_made_our_nanny_quit/) - **September 13, 2023** I 29f am married to my husband 34m and we have a nanny 21. We hired our nanny over a year ago when I was pregnant with our baby girl while I had a toddler 2 at the time now 4 as well and couldn’t do much and my husband couldn’t be with me all the time due to his work. She is amazing with our girls, she has helped me so much during the last few months of my pregnancy and especially postpartum. None of my friends are pregnant yet so they couldn’t always help me and I don’t have mom nor am I close to mother in law, I didn’t have anyone to confide in like that. Our nanny has so much experience and was so amazing to me. She made me amazing soups and stews from her culture that were made to help pregnant women. It was amazing, she would make my toddler have quiet time which was even more amazing. She is always on time, she’s very clean, an amazing cook, really fun with the girls, and a good teacher as well. Our nanny and my husband only met once and that was during our zoom meeting and they have never met after that. Since she gets here after my husband leaves and leaves before he comes back, they’ve never crossed paths before. 3 weeks ago me and husband got really sick and so my husband stayed home from work. Due to how sick I was I forgot to relay this information to our nanny. Our baby has been extremely clingy the past few months and will cry if left alone. I usually bring her in the bathroom with me but the bathroom downstairs is much smaller so our nanny can’t do that as comfortably. She decided to just start using the bathroom with the door cracked open and would give our baby a toy outside so she’s not tempted to come in but can still see her. I’m aware of this and am fine with it since it’s only us girls home. while my husband was home unbeknownst to her, she went to use the bathroom with the door open and my husband saw her. She completely freaked out and apologized profusely. She was wearing a romper so she was almost completely undressed when he saw her. I had no issue and apologized to her that I forgot to let her know my husband was home. Everything was fine but I sensed she was extremely uncomfortable which I kept apologizing for. The next few days my husband started going to work late and coming home early to which there would be more interactions between him and the nanny. When I hired our nanny one of the things she told me was that she wasn’t comfortable with adult men in the house which was not a problem since our arrangement didn’t allow it. When he would see her, he kept trying to make personal conversations which our nanny redirected to the girls. Last week, she spoke with me and reminded me of the agreement we had which was no adult men in the house and that she was uncomfortable. I completely understood where she was coming from. I spoke with my husband and he apologized to her and me. The next day he went to work normal then 2 days later he told me he had to work from home since his office is getting worked on. We talked to our nanny and my husband told us that he would stay upstairs the whole time. Which worked for the rest of last week. Monday he “accidentally” forgot his coffee and went to get it while our nanny was there. He was asking her personal questions. He asked her how was her weekend which she responded “good” and then he had the nerve to ask her if she saw her boyfriend. She responded no and that she didn’t have one. He went on to ask her what type of men she was into, i went downstairs quickly to stop it. And apologized to our nanny. When we got upstairs I yelled at him for talking to her like that and reminded him what he agreed to do and that was to stay away from her. I noticed he was monitoring the nanny cam a lot and he told me he was just checking in on the girls. Yesterday I had a really bad stomach ache because I’m lactose intolerant and my husband accidentally put whole milk in both of our coffees. I asked him to go end the day with the nanny and lock up the door after her. Unbeknownst to me, he started asking her what type of men she was into and was telling her how he’s dated black women before and is into them. Our nanny is black….and equally problematic, im not. He also “jokingly” grabbed her shoulders to pick her up move her aside to get to fridge. Why he didn’t say “excuse me” is beyond me right now. Last night our nanny tried calling me but I was sleeping because I took some medicine for my stomach. I woke today to see a text from her that she was quit because she didn’t feel comfortable coming to the house anymore. I texted and called her and she hasn’t picked up. I’m beyond angry at my husband and took some time to calm down but really I can’t. I don’t think I can replace her and truly I don’t want to. I don’t want start this all over again. We know each other so well, we have inside jokes, we have memories that I can’t recreate. She is someone I have felt comfortable enough to confide in with everything. She has been with me throughout special moments with the kids and even for me. I’m not upset with her at all and completely understand she may be shaken up by yesterday so I’ve accepted giving her some space. I just really wasnt prepared for this. EDIT: explaining First: for people saying our nanny is wrong because my husband lives here and should be comfortable. She came highly recommended from a woman from our church and WE wanted her. She gave us her requirements and one of them was that she’s comfortable working with adult men in the house. WE agreed, including my husband. Whenever he has finished work early, he stops by somewhere else to work or hang out until nanny leaves. Nanny isn’t “mentally ill” for not wanting men in the house. She has explained to me that she’s had issues with husbands making weird advances or sometimes wives accusing her of things so to a voice problems she just doesn’t do men in the house. (Also I explained why nanny used bathroom with door open. It doesn’t happen often as she normally tries to go when baby is down since toddler doesn’t mind. Second: I still have a nanny because I’m now trying to start work. Third: I do not like my husband nor do I condone his behavior. We have had issues since he became useless to our family. My needs weren’t grave when I was pregnant. I just needed certain foods, medicine, and help with showers but he wouldn’t help with anything and this was with our first child. And the second one we got a nanny. I have thought about divorce before but I kind of need his money, if it was just me I’d like have divorced him already but I have kids. So I am aware of what he was trying to do, I have talked to and scolded him. Fourth: I usually make our coffees but he made them yesterday because baby kept me up all night and he was home. I put the drink in glass containers with labels that it would be easy to mix up. It also tasted the same. Also, I use Reddit regularly but I’m on a completely different side of Reddit there are so many things people have said here that I’ve had to look up. I’m not making up my story and can post some screenshots of messages I have to our nanny. And some of you are extremely cruel to say that you hope my husband does this to our girls when they’re older. What a disgusting this to say. &nbsp; **Editor's Note:** **(OOP has commented that she had to split her update into two parts due to the character limits. The second part was posted twice in both the comment box and a new post)** &nbsp; [**Update #1 - Part 1**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/16l4pwl/update_my_husband_made_our_nanny_quit/) - **September 17, 2023 (Four days later)** This is going to be a bit long because this is the last time I will post about this. Sorry I haven’t been responding to comments or giving any updates sooner. I tried posting some clips and my account got banned for 3 days. Holy cow I did not expect so much interaction here because I was simply venting. I do have a regular Reddit account but I usually post about about housing and jewelry so I an account for this. I’ll address some things here before the update. I didn’t marry my husband for money, we dated when I was in college and then he proposed. We loved each other a lot and everything was great in our marriage. When I got pregnant with first child in beginning it was good, he was helpful then somewhere along getting the nursery ready he started being a bit distant. I always handled everything in house since I didn’t work. But even in the 3rd trimester he refused to help and would always say he’s tired but would play basketball outside or video games. he started working later and it caused some problems. We got couples counseling and it fixed some things and we were pretty good. Hence the second child happened. The second pregnancy was really bad, I mean at my first trimester I was in and out the hospital and when at home walking or standing was really hard so I would need help getting to the shower, and things like that or my medication which he didn’t help with and avoided me. So there would be days where our daughter would only eat left over snacks from our room because I couldn’t move. If you asked him where the cleaning supplies are in the house he wouldn’t know because he’s never cleaned here before. And he would buy food on the way home and eat and then when he’d get home he’d say he forgot and offer to go get some knowing that where we live he’ll have to drive at least 20 minutes and by the time he’ll get home the baby would already be sleeping. People who said our nanny was being “prioritized” over my husband is ridiculous. My husband isn’t trapped in the house and we didn’t move our lives around the nanny. The hours she’s here is when my husband is at work. He chose to avoid seeing her and that’s why if he finished early he wouldn’t come home. She’s not completely full time since she has classes. She comes one week Monday-Friday, and the next M-T-W. People can argue the nanny was only good to us because she got paid but she went out of her way to help me so much. When I went into labor for our baby now, my husband was out with friends and silenced his calls knowing I was almost due that week. I called him a bit past midnight several times and he sent the “I’m not available” text that’s automated. I called an ambulance and then called our nanny who then came to the hospital and stayed with me the whole time. My husband has missed both of our babies births the first was understandable since he was away on a business trip and the baby came earlier than expected. And also this pregnancy literally left me crippled, I couldn’t walk for months without pain since some bone was broken and things were torn during delivery(all of that pain and they ended doing a c-section). I literally just started walking slightly normally last month….. The reason we can’t let the baby cry when left alone is because she has developed this weird habit where when she cries, she lets herself fall backwards and sometimes forward. Which is really scary, I can take that risk sometimes but our nanny doesn’t want to which is understandable. When we met her she let us know requirements for working with us. The main ones were that she didn’t want adult men in the house and that she needed cameras in the house in places where she will be with the kids. Which we gladly agreed to. She doesn’t go to our church, a women from our church recommended her. But she very well known in our town as she babysits regularly for families and have worked for a lot of them. Also contrary to popular beliefs, she doesn’t hate men or have some sort of trauma with working with men. It has just proven to be “inconvenient” for her. And I have seen texts and heard recordings she has from when she worked with men in houses. Her experience ranges from then extremely over paying her to asking her to help with something in their bedroom to sending her nudes. She made her rule at 17. There are also cases where wives accused her of wanting their husbands due to her making small talks so it has just been easier for her to not be around men when working. She’s not uncomfortable or intimidated but she just prefers not to. For a lot of the interactions they had I went to watch on the camera after nanny talked to me about being uncomfortable. She has defended herself against my husband before quitting. Despite all of the negative comments im very glad I posted this as a lot of things people suggested for me getting a divorce are things I hadn’t thought of or knew were possible. I said this in a comment but I’ll say it here. If it was just me, I would leave my husband because I have friends that can take me or I can even live in shelters but that’s not possible with 2 young children and one is breastfeeding still. It’s not reasonable for me ask a friend to take in and feed 3 people 2 of which are small children that cry a lot. As of now I have been saving since I started working a bit. But my husband isn’t a direct danger to my girls as they don’t really see each other. When he gets home they are already in bed. My husband distanced himself. I mentioned this in the comments as well but our baby is teething still and our girl is having nightmares. We had the baby in the bedroom but toddler started coming to our room and they would both cry at night and instead of my husband helping, he moved to a spare room because it’s “annoying” to him. This is broken up into 2 &nbsp; [**Update #1 - Part 2**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/16l4qvp/update_my_husband_made_our_nanny_quit_2/) - **September 17, 2023 (Same day)** (wouldn’t let me post the whole thing as one) Yes my husband makes the money, but that doesn’t release him from any responsibilities with the children we have. He literally doesn’t spend time with them. He doesn’t get birthday gift because he forgets but then when confronted he’ll say “you have the credit card, you should have gotten something” when I try and explain its not the same as HIM getting a gift. This applies to me and our girl. Im truly blessed to have our nanny in my life. I know in my last post it seemed like a one sided relationship but I also feel like if I mentioned what I do then it would come off bad. But I’ll say it anyway since some people are saying disgusting things. I have treated this woman as my best friend and younger sister. When she has needed a car because hers needed maintenance, I gladly let her use mine. When she didn’t know certain things with her ex boyfriend, I was more than happy to tell her. I’ve had no issues helping with payments for unexpected things since she’s saving for her own place. we have helped each other. This woman has taken care of me and family so much. When I was depressed postpartum with our second daughter due to my injury, she went above and beyond making sure I was well. She would call me on her off days to check in on me. She made extra food and put in freezer that I can bake or microwave. I moved downstairs because it was hard going up and down the stairs and she helped so much with that. When she went through her first break up with her ex, I also helped her, when she needed help, I was more than happy to help. I agree people say we have a relationship that is beyond employee and employer and I won’t disagree. We’re not lesbians like people are saying, but I think of this girl more of a sister and best friend. If you want to disrespect my husband, I don’t care and he has made it clear in every one of our arguments that he can take care of himself so go ahead. And I will tolerate disrespect towards me But I won’t for any towards her because she has done nothing wrong. She is in the right profession clearly because everyone who have worked with her can always vouch for her goodness. She has also worked for men but they still have respected her conditions since they were off to work. People saying she’s not experienced because she’s 21 and I should get someone older is dumb. When I was looking through care.com even some that I interviewed, there were women over 30 with less than 2 years of experience so age isn’t entirely the factor for someone’s ability for childcare care. I have friends older than me who have never dealt with a child and don’t know a lot of things in regards to them. Our nanny has been working with kids her whole life. She watched children including her younger siblings(she is oldest of 4)a lot when she was young, she worked the nursery at her old church and even taught Sunday classes sometimes, babysat throughout middle school and started nannying in high school. She is CPR certified for children and adults, first aid, child transport, cleaning sanitation, health and safety cooking, and has 4 more certificates for child studies and development for different ages. She’s well qualified and experienced. My husband being home was completely unplanned as we both woke up sick randomly so he couldn’t go to work. He is aware of the situation for using the bathroom with the baby as he’s seen me do it. But I don’t think it was intentional as the bathroom that was being used is the one by the kitchen and when get downstairs to go to kitchen you have to pass it and I doubt he was thinking about it because we’re both sick and coughing our lungs out. I should have let him know and I should have let our nanny know as well but like I said I was completely out of it and didn’t think about it. He is an awful person but I don’t think he put the milk on purpose. As I said, he doesn’t usually make the coffee, and I had the milks in glass bottles labels that are transparent in black writing, if you’re not paying attention, that can happen. I drink my coffee with lactose free milk and he drinks his with regular milk. And I didn’t taste the difference. Also nanny wasn’t calling while she was there. She called me later after she left. The actual update: Our nanny reached out to me and apologized for quitting so abruptly. But I told her she didn’t need to apologize at all because I messed up. We talked a bit and I asked if we could meet and she was more than happy to. I told her about the new information I got in terms of divorcing. I will be reaching out to several lawyers. I paid her 8 weeks severance as per our contract and she gave me back half to keep in secret from my husband. (She won’t have a problem finding jobs as people were constantly trying to poach her. she also speaks several languages one being French and families here are looking for that.) she wants to still help with the kids but we are trying to figure out how that will work. We are staying in contact without my husband knowing and hes going to office on Tuesday. I don’t really want to fight with him about his crush since he’s so adamant that he was just trying to make conversation. People saying he just wanted to know about the person caring for his children, during our zoom meeting with her, he didn’t ask any questions. Nor after a day of work has he asked “how did it go with the nanny” or “how are you liking the nanny” anything like that. Thank you for all of the advice given, I hope I have cleared everything. **Additional Information/Comments from OOP:** *Replied to a deleted comment* >**OP:** Hi thank you so much. I keep getting these comments and messages saying for me to “just leave”. I’m not putting my children in danger by having them out on the streets or in shelters where children get kidnapped and women get raped. They are both small and will cry a lot, not everyone wants to have crying babies in their house especially when they’re not baby people. I’m trying but it’s getting so tiresome having to keep explaining why I can’t “just leave” so thank you &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My husband made our nanny quit

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16qnv4k/my_husband_made_our_nanny_quit/

16qnv53

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Angel698](https://www.reddit.com/user/Angel698/). She posted in r/EntitledPeople. **Trigger Warning:** >!miscarriage; possibly psychosis of sorts!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!sad but hopefully people can get help!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/16anhjm/entitled_sil_wants_custody_of_my_baby/)**: September 5, 2023** Background: Me (36f) SIL (40f) I’ve been married to her brother for over 10 years and there’s always been some jealousy and resentment from her. She’s always felt like I had the life she wanted, not necessarily with her brother, but the marriage, family, job stability etc. I have 3 kids 10f, 8m, 3 months female. She got married last year and they decided to start trying for a baby, but she was unfortunately told that she can’t have children naturally. She was understandably devastated and the family comforted her as best as we could. We recently had a family dinner and in the middle of it she says “Angel698 I think it’s really unfair that you got to have 3 kids and I can’t have any. Your baby is my last chance to raise a child so I think you should give her to me during the week so I can create a motherly bond with her and you can have her on weekends.” Before I could respond the entire table erupted with everyone talking at once so I took my older kids upstairs. When I got back to the dining room her husband was asking what the hell is wrong with her and why would she even think to ask that. She was trying to justify herself when I asked them to leave. I also said that she’s no longer welcomed at my house or around my children until she gets help. She started screaming that I don’t deserve my life or my children and that I stole her baby from her. Her husband and MIL kept apologizing and dragged her out of the house still crying and screaming. Now my kids want to know why their aunt wants to take the baby. Edit: I’ve been reading the comments but it’s too many to reply to so here are a few points. 1. We have a security system and cameras already installed and no one has keys to our house 2. I will not be able to get a restraining order as this one incident isn’t enough to justify it. 3. My husband and I spoke to the older kids about it the same night and we’ll be having another talk with them to reinforce that SIL is not a safe person anymore. 4. Our country does not have the right to bear arms and I also have no interest in getting a gun. 5. I’ll be informing the school and daycare of the issue and giving them her photo. For those questioning the validity of the post I completely understand. If I had heard about this last week I wouldn’t believe it either, but it’s unfortunately the situation I’m currently dealing with. ***Relevant Comments:*** *More on security:* "We already have a security system and cameras because there’s been a trend of house break ins in our area lately. No one has the code or keys to our house, not even the in-laws so we’re safe on that front. Unfortunately a restraining order won’t happen because it will take a lot more than this to justify requesting one. We’ve never relied on her for childcare or pickups so she’s essentially a stranger to the daycare and school." *Diagnosed as infertile after a year is pretty early, is she sure she is?* "She was having issues not related to trying to conceive and the fertility issues were discovered in the course of trying to sort out those other issues. Her tubes are blocked and although IVF may be an option they’re not in a position to do that now or in the near future" *Was her husband aware she was going to try that?* "He wasn’t. He actually called the next day to apologize again. He said he knew she was having a hard time accepting the infertility and they were looking into counseling for it." *Your quote from her is not how real people talk:* "It’s not verbatim, there were pauses in between and responses. So after she said the first sentence I looked at her like wtf then looked at my husband and he asked her what she’s talking about. She ignored him and continued speaking directly to me. I didn’t want to detail every aspect of the conversation" **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/16l6raf/update_entitled_sil_wants_custody_of_my_baby/)**: September 17, 2023 (12 days later)** Link to previous post above. TLDR Sister in Law found out she can’t have kids and demanded that I give her my baby every week. So my sister in law has been admitted to a psychiatric facility. In the comments of my previous post I mentioned that her husband was seeking out counseling for them to deal with the infertility prior to this incident. After the incident he sought out a psychiatrist rather than a counselor and they had their first session last week. I didn’t get the specifics of what happened but basically she made some statements that the psychiatrist felt indicated she was a danger to others (my baby and me) and she was placed under an involuntary hold. My BIL has been nothing but apologetic through this entire ordeal and he kept her away from us since the incident. MIL was staying with them to keep an eye on SIL. She tried to leave the house in the middle of the night to see ‘her baby’. Also BIL found her researching how to induce lactation and she said it was to make sure she can feed the baby properly when I come to my senses and give her up. From what BIL has said seeing me breastfeed is apparently what triggered the entire episode. It was the first time SIL was around the baby for any length of time and she was holding her when she got fussy because she was hungry. Naturally I took her to feed her and this made SIL feel inadequate because it triggered the thought that she would never be able to do that which lead to the events of the last post. I’m grateful for all the advice that was offered on my last post as some of it was really helpful. We won’t be moving as it’s not feasible for us at the moment but we have taken extra steps with security both at home and at the kids’ school/daycare. This whole thing is taking a toll on the family but MIL, FIL and BIL are taking care of SIL and my husband and I are focused on ensuring the safety of our immediate family and minimizing the effect on the kids as much as we can. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Therapy for the kids:* "My kids were able to have 2 sessions with the guidance counselor at school. One with both of them and then individual sessions and my husband and I are looking into a therapist to have a few family sessions as well. I don’t want my kids to be fearful and unable to enjoy their childhood because of this."

Entitled SIL wants custody of my baby

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16qnv53/entitled_sil_wants_custody_of_my_baby/

16qnvcm

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Good\_Sort7315](https://www.reddit.com/user/Good_Sort7315/). They posted in r/AmItheAsshole. I fixed the spelling of fiancée. **Mood Spoiler:** >!happy ending!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16cynk6/aita_for_hiding_my_saving_from_my_fianc%C3%A9/)**: September 7, 2023** I recently got engaged to my fiancée after 2 years of dating, and told her we should probably start looking at houses. She told me that we didn’t have the money for a deposit on a mortgage, but I personally have a lot of money in savings. It’s a little bit more than $160,000. My girlfriend was initially just shocked because it is a lot of money for a 24 year old to have saved (I’ve been extremely lucky in life). After a couple of days she began to be annoyed at me. She felt like I was hiding this from her. I told her that I didn’t hide it from her, I was just raised to not talk about personal finances with anyone other than someone you’re married to, and I figured engaged is close enough that I’m happy to talk about it. I also said that I had actually used these saving to help her before (I’ve paid her rent a few times when she couldn’t and paid a couple thousand dollars for her dog to get surgery). She was still quite angry and has been giving me the silent treatment for the past day. My parents don’t see the problem (duh), her parents understand my perspective but think I should have told her when we moved in together last year. None of our friends know because I don’t feel comfortable talking about it with them. I’ve already asked her if we can talk about it when she’s ready and she just said she’d let me know when she was. I don’t think this is relationship ending, but I know she probably wants me to admit I was wrong. I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong. So I’m asking you guys more so out of curiosity for what others think. ***Relevant Comments:*** *You moved in together and haven't talked about finances? Moreover, did you directly lie about it or conceal it?* "I never lied or specifically concealed it. There are moments where I probably could have brought it up but didn’t feel it was necessary. When moving we discussed how we would pay for rent and other things, I make more money so I said that I’d take on more of the financial responsibilities. I pay for 3/4 of the rent and the groceries. Everything else is 50/50. Beyond just what we currently make per payment cycle nothing else was discussed." "We haven’t spoken too deeply about finances beyond what we make per payment cycle when figuring out rent and all that. I was aware of her struggles before we moved in together but that was more because she volunteered that information to me, and I assumed it was just her way of asking for help." *On that same note:* "I discuss my wages with people, but I don’t discuss my savings usually. Savings just feels more personal to me, and to an extent I don’t want to be seen as bragging." *Has she disclosed HER finances to you?* "I know that she’s not in debt, my help was often to keep her from going into even a small amount of debt because I know that even that can be life ruining if you don’t know how you’re going to pay it off. I don’t know specifics about her financials beyond that and how much she makes." *Have you communicated about future plans together that might be impacted by money- ie, kids?* "We have spoken about what we want in the future but a specific timeline has never been discussed. To me it’s now that we discuss it. We’ve committed but aren’t married yet. We know our wants line up and now we should be ironing out the details." *How do you have savings?* "I’ve honestly just been super lucky. I got a job straight out of high school that let me work full time, get paid, and receive a degree after three years. My parents let me live with them and paid for my food until I was 21 so I saved almost all of the money I made in those years. Plus inheritance that I got from my grandparents. I was disciplined and saved but without all those lucky circumstances I would never have had this much." *This interaction:* Commenter: OP, I don't think this sub is for you. You'll get a lot of sexist responses to your fiancée ***(editor's note- mannnny commenters called the fiancée a gold digger. At best)*** and it could ruin your relationship. I'm not going to guess how your relationship works and you don't need to listen to anyone telling you stuff without knowing more about your relationship. OOP: We do unfortunately live in a world that teaches people to distrust women for the crime of being women. All of these responses calling my fiancé a “gold digger” or things to that effect are making me much less confident that I did nothing wrong. If those are the people agreeing with me I’m very concerned. ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Mini Update in Comments: September 9, 2023 (2 days later)** **Commenter:** Might she be reacting to having previously thought that his past generosity were big sacrifices for him, and she’s now rethinking those situations and how OP presented them? **OOP:** My fiancé and I have started talking about everything and I’m reading back over this post by myself just to see what everyone said. This comment is actually a big part of where I think our communication broke down. When it came to helping her with things I always told her it wasn’t a big deal, which I thought was me telling her I had the money and it wasn’t harming me financially. She took it as me downplaying it to stop her from worrying. I never directly communicated that I wasn’t going to be put out by doing those things and that’s 100% on me for being so flippant. Because I had all the information my statements meant one thing to me, but I entirely failed to consider what it looked like to someone without that information. **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16lm98w/update_aita_for_hiding_my_saving_from_my_fianc%C3%A9/)**: September 17, 2023 (10 days from OG Post)** UPDATE: AITA for “hiding” my saving from my fiancé My fiancée and I have spent the last week talking a lot about this. We started talking about it the day after my post. There was actually a lot to talk about, because she had a lot of thoughts and feelings. When we started talking I told her about the post very quickly. She was initially put out by me making the post but after I explained that it was more for me to make sure I hadn’t done something egregiously wrong and let her read through it at her own pace she was more okay with it. Though I did warn her that a lot of the comments were making wild assumptions about her. After she’d read through my post, a few comments and my replies we talked about it a little. The main thing we talked about from the post was the silent treatment. She was very apologetic, and let me know that it wasn’t her intention to be giving the silent treatment but can absolutely see that it would feel like that to me. She said that she was just struggling to parse through a lot of thoughts and emotions. Like I said in a comment, a big part of where our communication broke down was my flippancy when it came to helping her with money previously. To me it was showing that I was able to do it without hurting myself financially. To her it was me trying to stop her from worrying. Without the information I had I can definitely see how she thought that. She had always just assumed I was only doing a little better than her. There was also a little bit of feeling bad about herself because of this. She’s 26 and felt like because I was younger and had so much more she had failed. I reassured her that it wasn’t a reflection on her and that I had just been very lucky. She asked me how I got the money, and said that she was also concerned I had done something illegal to make it. I broke down how I saved the money in detail for her. She also expressed that she had already felt unworthy of me because I “do so much for her”. I reassured her that I did things for her because I loved her, and that hadn’t changed. I also explained everything she does for me and how to me I feel like she does so much more for me. She was also worried about the power dynamic that this created. I reassured her that I didn’t see us as any different and that what was mine, I viewed as hers. She also said she was worried about what else I was hiding from her, and I reassured her that I wasn’t hiding anything. I told her she was free to look through anything of mine anytime she wanted. She told me it wasn’t necessary and that it was an emotional concern not actual distrust. Obviously a week of reassurance isn’t going to solve a lot of these emotions. We both already go to therapy separately and she is planning on bringing up a lot of this to her therapist by herself. We also decided that couples therapy would be a good idea. Not to repair our relationship because neither of us think it’s broken, but to strengthen it and allow us to talk about the ways to most effectively communicate with each other.

AITA for “hiding” my saving from my fiancée

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16qnvcm/aita_for_hiding_my_saving_from_my_fiancée/

16qvpca

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Wide_Bluejay2685 **in** r/TrueOffMyChest trigger warnings: >!graphic description of a miscarriage, domestic abuse, child death, post partum anxiety(PPA), mental breakdown, PTSD/trauma response!< mood spoilers: >!hopeful!< &#x200B; [**My wife is so over protective over our children that it’s crumbling our marriage**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/15ncskf/my_wife_is_so_over_protective_over_our_children/) **- 10th August 2023** My wife (Let’s call her Laura) and I have been together for fourteen years and married for nine. We were together since high school and had our firsts everything. By some luck, we managed to get through the odds of high school lovers breaking up and managed to get married at twenty. I enrolled in university while she worked part-time to support our expenses. We were grateful as my parents had paid for my college and her parents helped us rent out an apartment so we didn't have too much debt or any other financial obligations. We had a small wedding in between when I was in Uni with just immediate family. Within a few months after our wedding we realized that she was pregnant. Needless to say, we weren’t thrilled. Our initial plan was for me to finish university and get a job so that she could go back to studying and get her degree before we plan a family. Before everyone yells at me, no we weren’t being careless. We used protection. She was on birth control and I used condoms every now and then too for the sake of additional safety. Our baby girl was a force to reckon with and no birth control was stopping her from coming into the world and kicking our asses. Laura wasn’t so overjoyed during the initial months of her pregnancy. I did mention the A word once if she wanted to and told her I would be fully supportive either way. She instantly shut me down saying that wasn’t an option (she comes from a pretty religious family. We didn’t even have sex until two years into the relationship. We were only allowed to move in together because I popped the question and made her my fiance.) Around the fourth month, we found out the gender and I saw my wife slowly warming up to the idea of having an actual human being inside her and at almost 18 weeks, she felt the first movement of the baby inside her stomach. Now that I think of it, it was an instant change. Though I didn’t realise it then, looking back it was all right there from her very first pregnancy. Before we got the pregnancy news, she had applied for an accounting course and had gotten an admission (I had found a job by then). She had even started her classes and continued attending them though she was pregnant. I first noticed her reluctance around week 30 when she continuously took a few sick leaves even though she wasn’t sick. I confronted her about it and she broke down saying she didn’t want to attend Uni while pregnant because her stomach was getting big and everyone was noticing that she was actually pregnant. At first, I thought she was embarrassed to be pregnant in front of her classmates at a relatively young age. But upon further talking to her, I realized that she wasn’t embarrassed. Rather, she was afraid someone would try to hurt her. She was terrified of falling down the stairs or slipping or eating something she wasn’t supposed to or drinking alcohol accidentally etc. I was confused and like any other person thought her fears were way too irrational. Why would anyone try to purposefully hurt a pregnant woman? I asked her if she felt like she was being threatened by someone and she simply shook her head no. She begged me to let her drop out just until the baby was old enough to go to daycare or be placed with a babysitter. She promised me she’d continue with her studies after. Fast forward a couple more months and she gives birth to our beautiful baby girl. I was so instantly in love with her and so was my wife. During the remaining months of her pregnancy, my wife rarely went out and that too only for appointments at the doctor. I called her mother and asked her to be with my wife for some time so that she wouldn’t be alone all day. My wife wasn’t a big fan of that idea either but she liked the idea of not having to do rough jobs around the house since her mother would help her out. After delivery was the worst. My wife didn’t let anyone help her out with the baby. Since my wife and I are the oldest in our families, our little girl is the first grandchild on both sides. Everyone was so excited to meet her but my wife was so on the fence and overwhelmed with anyone holding our daughter that it started annoying everyone. Soon everyone started talking behind her back. I tried my best to defend her and asked all our relatives to give us space since she was a new mom and needed her space. Laura didn’t let anyone help her out with our daughter. She barely let me take care of my own child. She was overworked and running on no sleep but would still let no one help her out with our baby, not even me. Once, she fell asleep for almost six hours after not getting any sleep for days. I didn’t wake her up because I wanted her to get some decent sleep and took care of our baby by myself. I fed her the bottle of milk Laura had pumped and changed her diapers etc. When Laura woke up all hell broke loose and she started having a mental breakdown calling me a terrible person for basically letting her sleep and she called herself a horrible mother for not being awake to care for our child. At this point, even I was overwhelmed and frustrated. I put our daughter to bed and shut the door before sitting her down and having a long talk/argument with her. She started crying explaining she was scared something would happen to our child if she wasn’t there to take care of her. She had read about conditions where babies have passed away suddenly or while being entrusted to someone else who is not the mother. I didn’t understand if this was normal or not. At that time, I wrote it off as a mother being concerned about her baby. I have heard about new mothers having their hormones all over the place. I told her I understood she didn’t want another person near our child but that she had no right to keep me away. I explained that we are a team and we would be raising our baby together not just her alone. Since that day, she loosened the knot just a little with me to give me enough gap to take care of our baby to give her time to get some good sleep. As our daughter grew older, I tried to convince her to go back to college and that we could send our daughter to daycare or ask one of the grandparents to babysit while she was at Uni. She quickly shut down the idea saying that our daughter was a toddler and now was a very important time for her since she will start retaining memories. She said there’s no way she’ll let her daughter get attached to someone else as it was her responsibility to raise the baby and not anyone else’s. I tried my best to convince her that her education was important. I told her that if someday God forbid something happened to me, she will need a degree to get some decent job so she can take care of our child and herself or that she will be struggling to make ends meet. This seemed to get through her and she finally agreed to study but that too was only an online course that she could study at home. She just had to write an exam at a test centre as per requirement. When our daughter turned three, we found out that my wife was pregnant again. We were still on protection so I was confused as to how this happened. I asked her about it and she admitted to sometimes forgetting about taking her pills on time. I wanted to get mad at her but it felt wrong to put all the blame on her because the burden of contraception didn’t have to fall all on her and I wasn’t being very careful either. Since I had a stable and comfortable paying job, money wasn’t a big issue. Since our parents had helped us out in the beginning, we were able to save up a bit over the years without any huge student loans. It was the same thing all over again with baby number 2. She wouldn’t leave the house much. The only people she really let be around her were me and her mother. Sometimes her sister too. She rarely left the house except for anything our child needed or for appointments etc or if she had any exams she needed to take. I tried talking to her about it again but she was never interested in addressing the issue of being so possessive. The baby was born and there she was all over again, never letting anyone other than me or extremely rarely even her mom around her and the kids. I remember seeing dark circles under her eyes and telling her there was no need for her to take on so much of the load by herself. That she could let me take at least a quarter of it when I’m home. She kept saying she didn’t like the way anyone else handled things etc. Even our sex life took a big hit after our second baby because my wife was exhausted and drooping by the time she returned to bed. Sometimes she’d even get the kids to sleep in between us because she “felt horrible” making them sleep alone in another room. She stopped that once she saw an article about a baby dying because of co-sleeping after which she gave me a huge lecture to make sure that I would never do that. I literally had no intention anyway. I was desperate by this point but as time went by, I learned to give in and just let her handle the children the way she wanted. Whatever she was doing, it was all anyway for the safety of our children so I guessed it couldn’t be too bad. Our kids grew up and I made sure to use protection always while having sex after that much to her dismay. But at that point, I didn’t care. Laura had calmed down a little since the kids got older and I in no way wanted it to go back to how it was with a new baby. Laura was still very involved and overly cautious of our children. She found work close to our house once our youngest was old enough for preschool. She would drop them both off at school before heading to work and pick them both up before returning. We have school buses on our route but whenever I mention it she brings up the statistics of school bus accidents and bullying saying it’s not a good idea. Our oldest has a best friend and had asked us to let her sleepover at her friend's house and my wife almost blew up at the request. My daughter cried all night and I had to cuddle her to sleep to comfort her and promise her loads of books (she loves reading) to get her to stop crying. I had to convince her best friend's parents to let the sleepover be at our house instead. Our youngest is five now and my wife is pregnant again with our third child. She convinced me one night (I will not go into too much detail about how she seduced me but if you are a man reading this, you’ll know how tempting it is when they whisper in your ears and tell you to finish inside). Since my wife had calmed down relatively from before, I thought maybe as we got older, she’s gotten a bit easier on herself and the children. Now all of this was just important background. What actually happened was something that occurred a week ago. While playing a sport in school last week, a random small boy in my daughter's class accidentally kicked a ball in our daughter's direction and hit her head. The teachers quickly took her to the hospital and she had to get stitches. Safe to say, my wife went ballistic. She got hysterical and started crying. Our daughter is okay and the stitches will heal in no time but my wife is not taking it well. When the boy’s parents visited us to formally apologise with their son (an eight-year-old boy who looked terrified off his wits), my wife went crazy angry at the parents. She started threatening to sue them for damages and get restraining orders. I have no idea where all that idea came from. The parents were shocked. I quickly apologized to them and sent them on their way. My wife kept rambling about suing them. She then talked about pulling the kids off school so she could home-school them. According to her, that is the safest choice plus with all the school shootings she’s been hearing around the country. She kept going on and on about how school was unnecessary and dangerous. After that, I did something I’m not proud of. I yelled at her. I was so mad and frustrated and annoyed. Years of pent-up frustration just poured out of me. I think for a moment I forgot she was even pregnant with my baby. She looked at me with teary eyes before getting up and walking away. It’s been almost a week now and neither of us has taken the effort to apologize or speak to each other. The only communication we have is regarding the children. I am absolutely adamant about not pulling the kids out of school. They deserve to have a normal school life with friends and a typical growing-up experience. I’m not about to take that away from them because my wife gets crazy protective over them. I don’t know how to handle this. Other than this one issue, our life is great. She’s honestly the best woman I could have met. I know she loves me like shit and I love her too. The funniest part is before the kids, my wife was an extremely shy person. She hated confrontation and would run away from arguments. She had a tough time making friends because of how shy she was. But it all changed once she became a mom. I must say in the beginning, it was beautiful for me as the father of our children and her husband to see how a shy and timid woman could go fierce and loud when it affected her baby. But the love/obsession she has over our kids now is getting too much to me and now to even our kids. It’s already starting to suffocate my daughter. It’s putting a dent in our relationship because she always wants to have the final say when it comes to decisions regarding the kids. I want to have an equal say in the matters of our kids without being made to look out like a villain for having a different opinion than her. We have another one on the way and at this point, I’m scared. I’ve already booked an appointment with the doctor to get a vasectomy. I’m done with our third one. I’m already dreading how she’s going to be with the new little boy born. I’m already looking into therapy but it’s going to be a bit hard to convince her. Is there anything else I can do to get her relaxed over the children? I hate watching our relationship crumble like this.   **Comments** *You should’ve solved this before having a second child, never mind a third. Your wife need therapy desperately and she will destroy your children’s ability to function in the real world.* >The last thing I’ll have to ever worry about my wife with our kids is her physically hurting them. She panics when they hurt their knee by falling on the ground. She’s way too sensitive to even see them get vaccinations because she can’t stand the sharp needles stabbing them. I’m not concerned about her physically hurting them, I’m more concerned about her probably mentally draining our children. &#x200B; *You need to go talk your GP about this, you should have done that right after the first baby was born and she started to act like this, but its never too late to act AND you MUST act, you are already noticing the effects on your daughter, this will only get worse and it will have a deep impact on your childrens mental health, your wifes irrational behaviour is emotionally abusive for your children Pick up the phone and make an appointment with your GP right now* >I am absolutely. I 100% realize this isn’t something to take lightly anymore. I’m booking an appointment with a marriage counselor like one of the comments suggested so that she doesn’t feel like I’m calling her crazy by suggesting she go directly to a therapist. I’ll talk with the counselor to refer her to a therapist. I’m not putting my foot down with this anymore &#x200B; *I strongly suggest she be evaluated for PPA. She needs some serious therapy YESTERDAY before she does irreparable to those kids. It’s non-negotiable at this point.* >I looked into PPA after seeing all the comments. It’s so relieving to finally put a name into what I’ve been seeing for years. The symptoms are all everything I’ve seen in her over the years. If I could describe it, I’d say she has an extreme case of ppa that it stops her from functioning right with a newborn baby &#x200B; *Did you ever tell her that she could trust you? For myself, I sometimes feel the need to say something out loud to help with making it a reality, and not something only inside my head. It’s just a thought on what might help ease her anxiety. I’ve experienced a lot of those same emotions during my pregnancies.* >I’m going to try making more of an effort to let her know that she can trust me. I think words of affirmation helps her lot. I just hope she truly believes me &#x200B; [**\[Update\] My wife is so over protective over our children that it’s crumbling our marriage**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/16kybf8/update_my_wife_is_so_over_protective_over_our/) **- 24th September 2023** Just a warning, somethings mentioned towards the latter of this post may be disturbing to some people. Okay, so to the update. To say things happened is an understatement. My wife found my the post on my phone two days after I had posted it on the site. She saw my notification go off one night when she was up because our youngest had a slight fever. I think at first she assumed I was having an affair or something and so she went through my phone quickly while I was asleep (It’s not a deal breaker for either of us. We have each others passwords and are free to go through the others phones whenever we want). It’s just that I was way too stupid and forgot to turn the notification off on Reddit. My wife went through the whole post and comments that night. I woke up early morning the next day and couldn’t find my wife in bed. I assumed she’d be with my son since he was a bit sick. I checked his room and he was alright but my wife wasn’t there. I searched around the house and then found her sitting in the living room in complete darkness. I turned the lights on and she looked like a living ghost. Her face was tear stained and she didn’t look like she was aware of where she was. I rushed to her scared if something happened. That’s when I found my phone with her and my heart dropped instantly. I tried getting her to talk but she just wasn’t budging at all. After trying to get her to speak for so long, she finally just looked me in the eye and asked, “I am dangerous to them?” Her voice broke and it hurt to hear her like that. I didn’t know what to tell her. “They said I’ll kill them.” It was like she was hyperventilating and it was terrifying to see her like that. She told me to leave her alone and continued just staring into nothing for a long time without responding to me. The kids woke up since they had school and went to find my wife like they usually do every morning. The moment my wife saw the kids trying to get to her, it was like she was seeing a ghost. She looked terrified and she got up from the sofa and quickly walked away to our room and shut herself inside it. The children were confused and scared, so I told them I’ll drop them off at their grandparents today and that I’d let them skip school. They were excited and quickly went off to get ready. My daughter came up to me after a while and asked me about what’s happening with her mother. She’s intuitive, that little one. I explained that her mother was just a little sick and needed sometime to get rest and get well. She told me to “hug mummy when she feels like crying cuz that helps.” I hadn’t really realized my daughter has seen my wife anxiety attacks and it hurt my heart to know that I was oblivious to it. I dropped the kids off at the grandparents before heading back home. I had already booked a session with the therapist for that week after reading all the feedbacks. I got back home and my wife refused to talk to me or eat or move or literally even do anything. I was a bit scared that she might try to hurt herself. But then, she never does anything that could possibly harm herself when she’s pregnant. I’ve noticed that. She asked me about where the kids were and I could visibly see her displeasure that she was trying to hide when I told her I dropped them off at her parents house. But I guess the comments were still fresh in her mind and so she fought trying to fight me on that. Things were difficult for almost a week. I extended the kids stay at the grandparents and asked her mum to help out explaining the situation. They were super supportive and they even dropped the kids off at school everyday too. I explained to my wife that I had booked a session for therapy and that I was taking her there no matter what she said. This was the only one thing she didn’t fight me on that whole week. To be honest, it was so difficult to find her crying herself to sleep every night. She had random outbursts of panic attacks and I sometimes found her talking to herself when I got back from work. She started going to therapy and for the first few sessions, it didn’t look like there was any difference. She just kept silent. She was on maternity leave so work wasn’t an issue. I took her to her parents house every alternative day because I could feel her suffocating without seeing the kids and I knew she was too conflicted with her emotions to ask me to take her to see them. We visited with breakfast but my wife avoided them like a plague only seeing them from a distance. Our son tried his best to wiggle his way into her arms cause he missed her and this was the longest he’s gone since he was born without her. But my wife started having panic attacks when he tried to do so which in-turn hurt him. That week was terrible. I spend extra time with our children when she was at home to ensure they know that we love them and that she loved them so much. I told them mummy needs help and that she’s sick and that I’m doing everything to make sure she’ll be okay. After about two weeks, I got the kids back home. My wife had gone to more that five sessions by then and while it wasn’t all sparkles and butterflies, she started talking to the children again, though she continued to maintain her distance always. I was now the primary caretaker. She would always be there to tell me what to do because well she knows everything about them better than I do. She was talking again to me and her mother. It was a bit better. Around a week ago, after one of her sessions, she came back home and told me that she needed to talk to me. I put the kids to bed and we locked ourselves in our room to speak. My wife explained how she always wanted to tell this to me but she never got around to it and that the therapy sessions with the doctor had finally made her realize that it wasn’t fair of her to not explain something like this to me. Like I mentioned in my previous post, I had suspicions that something happened in her first pregnancy that completely altered her attitude towards everything. And I was right. Around her twenty fourth week, nine years back, my wife met someone. It’s crazy how one incident changed the rest of our lives. My wife was still enrolled in Uni and she had quit her part time job at a diner following the pregnancy. But my wife still frequented the diner to do her homework’s and assignments etc when she doesn’t have classes since it’s only walking distance. On a day like that, my wife was in the diner and had to use the washroom. She headed to the women’s washroom and after getting inside, she heard noises and painful grunts from someone. It looked like a woman who was moaning in agony. My wife went closer to the stall where the woman was and asked if she needed help. The woman was hesitant but after sometime opened the door to take the offered help. Turns out, the woman was miscarrying. She was a middle aged woman and was around seventeen weeks pregnant. It was a huge shock to my wife then but she didn’t hesitate to get down and try to help the woman. The woman was bleeding into the toilet. My wife tried helping her relax and at some point, the woman realized she was pushing the fetus out and asked my wife to catch it since she wanted to bury the baby properly and not just flush it down the drain. My wife explained how she felt like dying when she felt the fetus in her hand. She explained that he was the size of her hand and was all bloody. She wrapped the baby in some spare cloth and helped the woman back on her feet since she was still bleeding. Somehow, she managed to bring the woman to the hospital where the doctors took care of her. My wife stayed with the woman the whole day. The woman had lost her consciousness around half way but once she was conscious again, my wife sat by her side to offer moral support. It’s during this time, the woman told my wife about her story. She explained how her boyfriend is abusive. He had hit her prior that day and she somehow managed to escape but her stomach had taken a pretty big hit. She got inside the first restaurant she saw when the pain became unbearable. The woman told her how this was the second baby she’s loosing. Apparently around a year ago from then, she had entrusted her seven and four year old girls with her boyfriend when she went to work. But he threw a party and instead of keeping an eye on them, he was too occupied. The four year old was playing outside and ran into the road when she saw a cat. A speeding car hit the child and she died on spot. As a father, it boiled my blood to hear just how another man could be so careless about his child. I don’t understand how she stayed with that man for a year more after. What a pathetic excuse of a human being. That woman told my wife that no one would care for a child as well as their mother would. She told her to never trust anyone else with her children because no one puts enough effort to ensure the safety of her child as much as she could. My wife has never met her again after that day, but that one incident altered her brain chemistry so much that she started viewing everything and everyone as a threat to our children. It all made sense why she was so carefully even just walking when she was pregnant. I mean I can’t imagine what it must have been like to see a lifeless fetus in your hands. There’s no wonder why she would avoid every possibility that might lead to it. Also made sense why she never could trust anyone else with the kids. She probably trusted me with them too only because she loves me and knew deep down that I couldn’t hurt her or the kids. I can’t imagine what it must have been like to be in your second trimester and have to deliver a miscarried baby. My heart hurts for her every time I think of it. It feels maddening that one day changed our lives so much. My wife told me that she loved our children so much and that she’s living for them but she also explained that she’s willing to understand that they are separate human beings who need to grow on their own without her. She doesn’t claim to understand yet but I know she needs time. As of now, the sessions have proved a tiny bit helpful in some of her attitude changes. I’m hopeful that she may come around better as she continues this. She has to unlearn years of trauma related behaviors. I’m sure they take time. Her therapist gives me regular updates to her condition and she sounds positive about being able to treat my wife. So maybe, it isn’t too bad. The doctor has recommended to put my wife medications for anxiety and stress after the baby is here. She’s due in a week. So I’m still nervous about the whole baby number three situation. But I’m not letting a new baby stop her from attending therapy. I’m going to make sure she continues for her sake and for our kids sakes. &#x200B; **Comments** **User1:** *Damn man. That's rough. It's also some solid spousing on your part, so pat yourself and the grandparents on the back. I hope your wife can find peace with that horrible situation.* **User2:** *Never underestimate the damage trauma can do. Even just one instance can change your life forever.* *It sounds like your wife has some very real PTSD from what she witnessed and the story along with it. I'm really sorry.I suffer from this and found out this year I have CPTSD, it's no joke. There is so much that I do and I know it's not right or necessary but every fiber of my being says it is. If I don't then something really bad will happen. It's not logical.* *I'm glad she is getting the help she needs and I think you should too. It's not easy being with someone who is suffering with mental illness. It also sounds like your kids have been exposed and maybe it wouldn't hurt to have them see a child therapist to see if they would like to talk about anything. You could always let their school counselor know what is going on (just a bit) and see if they can talk to your kids and help.* &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My wife is so over protective over our children that it’s crumbling our marriage

ONGOING

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16qvpca/my_wife_is_so_over_protective_over_our_children/

16qvqb8

**I am NOT OP.** **Original post by** u/Special-Soup1839 **in** r/TrueOffMyChest **and** r/offmychest trigger warnings: >!false allegation of stealing!< mood spoiler: >!frustrating!< **Original BoRU is** [**here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/164aexk/i_broke_up_with_my_then_bf_3_months_ago_because_i/)  **New update is from 16th September** **There is an additional update from the OOP in the comments which has been added in.** [**I broke up with my then bf 3 months ago because I thought he had stolen 846 dollars from me. I just found the money.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/15u3ab0/i_broke_up_with_my_then_bf_3_months_ago_because_i/) **- 18th August 2023** I can't say this on my main account and I need to write this out but oh my God, I fucked up. I fucked up badly. I just found the money. It was in the chest of drawers i put it in but the drawer I put it in had a small opening in the back(I didn't know it was there) and the envelope of money fell down there. I would never have discovered it but the drawers broke so I was taking the chest apart and there was the envelope. It's the same envelope because it has my handwriting on it and the receipt from the bank. I have to apologize but this is going to be so bad. I told my friends and family about this, about how I suspected that he had stolen from me since he was the only one in my house that day. No one else had a key and I haven't left that room or my house with the money. God, he lost mutual friends because of me. I ended a 2 year relationship over this. I just didn't believe him when he said he didn't take it. I hurt him for no reason and then I blocked him. A apology won't be enough. I'm going to contact him tomorrow and then I'll tell everyone else. Wow, I fucked up.   **Top Comments** u/Positive_Dinner_1140 >After you apologize to him you need to make sure you tell everyone. I doubt he will want to speak to anyone who didn’t believe him but they still should know the truth. u/Choice-Intention-926 >You have to defend him as loud as you slandered him. u/ilove-squirrels >Over 30 years ago I lived with a guy that I really, really loved. His sister came to visit and lost a couple hundred dollars. I got blamed for taking it. It was ugly. I cried so hard and just couldn't understand how anybody would think I would steal from them, especially him. We split up. > >She found it not long after I left. > >Even this many years later I think about that every now and then and it still hurts that I was called a thief when they were the ones that lost their own money. I lost some friends during all that. > >It sucks. &#x200B; [**I'm meeting up tomorrow with my ex who I thought stole 846 dollars from me. I was wrong since I found the money.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/15w57d4/im_meeting_up_tomorrow_with_my_ex_who_i_thought/) **- 20th August 2023** Posting here since it was removed in another group. I'm meeting up with him tomorrow. A little after my first post, I logged off and messaged him on social media. He read it within minutes and messaged me back, "We have to meet in person to talk about this." He didn't want to discuss it further online and tomorrow is the only day we are both available to meet. I do want to say that anything that I post here isn't an attempt to get sympathy or justify what I did. I'm aware what I did is wrong. I'm also not trying to get back with my ex or be in his life in any way. All I'm trying to do is apologize. The reason I made this second post versus doing an edit on the first one is because I don't know if edits are allowed and I don't want the first post to be removed. Obviously I can't undo what I did but maybe someone who is about to do a rash decision might read it and realize how one decision can really mess up someone's life and to maybe think about it before they do it. When I made my post, and realized it was getting popular, I thought about deleting it and I almost did multiple times. There's nothing like having thousands of people tell you how wrong you were to really drive home the fact that you fucked up in a major way. After messaging my ex, I then went and talked to everyone I told in person which was my immediate family, and our two mutual friends. When I broke up with my ex, I only told my family and those two friends that I couldnt find my money and thought he had taken it. My family and those two friends were shocked but believed me. After messaging my ex, I told everyone the truth that I found the money and they were all stunned. My dad was really disappointed because though I never discussed it, he thought I had concrete proof for ending it. One of my friends was livid and went straight to apologize. The other friend's reaction was unexpected and she just said ok and said she wasn't planning to message him. In addition to those people, I have told the guy I'm dating, and the new friends I have made just so everything is clear. I asked my family and two friends, "is there anyone else you told so I can clear things up". My mom had told a few family members and I called them and told them what happened. They live out of the country and would never meet him. They also didn't really remember but the general viewpoint I got from all of them was that I had to be careful with what I said because it could hurt someone. I then asked the two friends, one who said they had told her bf and the other one said no one. The one with the bf, who wasn't planning to message my ex, forbid me from talking to her bf and so it ended there. What I have done is told my family and two friends to give my number out if they remember the people they told and if that person wants clarification from me. I don't care who it is. They can call me and I will clear it up. I thought about making a public apology online but I can't really do that now because this situation is too specific. I also really don't want random Internet people knowing who I am especially because of the messages I have gotten privately. Just a quick comment about these private messages: I appreciate the messages I have gotten from people who have been affected by rash decisions/lies from others or people who have done what I did and how it affected the other person's life. It has made me realize how badly I could have ruined my ex's life and I still don't know the extent to which I did though I told a few people. However, there are the other messages, the ones where people are hateful, angry, racist(I never said what race I was) or misogynistic(never said what gender I am and some of you really hate women). I just want to say, the person who hurt you, I'm not her/him/them. Ok, im sorry that happened to you but saying hateful things to me isn't going to help you in any way and isn't going to stop you from feeling the way you feel. Going a step further and wishing that Im tortured, raped or murdered is even worse. So maybe work on that and I realize that's ironic coming from me but when you go to these extremes, youre even more screwed up than I am. It's only been two days but that's basically it. This is probably going to be a long process for me but yeah these are the consequences. So I'm doing what I can. Yes I am aware that this doesn't fix what I did. I am aware that nothing I can do will fix it but I have to at least try to make amends.   **Top Comments** u/dunnndunnnDUNNN >Glad to see that you're taking massive accountability of your mistake. Hope there is another update after you've talked with your ex, but wishing you the best of luck in cleaning up this mess. u/this-guy- >It's impressive that you took steps to repair the ex partner's reputation. I've had friends and colleagues make a few mistaken assumptions in the past, and I suspect that if any of them discovered their error they'd be more likely to find a justification for their actions and leave the error in place. So, even though you won't be able to repair things completely you will at least have made some effort to atone for your mistake. &#x200B; **\*\*New Update Starts Here\*\*** [**Update: I met with my ex who I accused of taking 846 dollars from me and then I found the money.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/16ktj7w/update_i_met_with_my_ex_who_i_accused_of_taking/) **- 16th September 2023** So I met with my ex and it didn't go great. We met at a park and I can't even describe what happened. He went through several emotions from not wanting to see me again, to wanting me to explain, to yelling, to waking back and forth, and finally to wanting to try things again. I think the saddest part is he just started crying. Seeing him go through this just hit home how badly I fucked up badly and I'm only now seeing the full extent of what I did through his eyes. He wants to be my friend(don't ask me why he wants to be friends with me. don't ask, I don't know why)and I'm against that. I'm not a good person to romantic partners(again, not trying to martyr myself) but he is insistent. He says that being his friend will help him heal so I will try. I could have fucked up his life majorly and I don't know emotionally/mentally how much I ruined him so I'm going to try to help him the best I can. Yea I'm aware I'm the asshole but I'm trying. I know nothing will fix this but I'm willing to try to help him since all of this is my fault. In the past week, this being friends might work out. Also I put so little about what we talked about because that's what he's comfortable sharing. He also knows about these posts. These are a few questions I'm also answering just based on the endless questions I have been receiving. Again, anything I put on here isn't a justification of my behavior. I'm not excusing what I did. I am taking full responsibility for everything that's happened. &#x200B; **Why did you not remove the drawers to look for the money?** I did remove the drawers to look for the money. The money fell through the drawer and into a hole in the chest. There were all new bills so it was a pretty flat and thin envelope. When I removed the drawers, I didn't see the thin hole. When my chest broke, I was going to send it to the landfill. My landlord told me, if I broke it up into pieces, he would get rid of it for me. Only when I broke the chest into tiny pieces did I find the money inside the inner portion. If I had just got rid of the broken chest even without the drawers, I would have never have found the money and I would still to this day believe my ex took it. **Why did you have 846 dollars?** I closed an old bank account I didn't use and i removed the rest of the money and planned to go to my bank in the morning to deposit the money. **Did you look for the money at all?** I did. I looked for the money for two weeks. I went room by room and basically deep cleaned my apartment looking for it. I moved the drawers, the chest and still didn't find the money. **Why did you think your bf took it?** I have cameras covering my driveway and my living room. Once I deep cleaned my apartment looking for the money, I went to the camera footage. This footage showed me getting out of the car with the envelope of money, walking into my house and then walking into my bedroom. I heard myself tell my bf where I was putting the money so the next day, I went to look for it and it was gone. Thinking I would find it and then never finding it in the next two weeks just made me suspicious. My ex was the only one in my house those two weeks and he was the only one, who saw me walk into my bedroom and put the money away. I convinced myself that he had taked it because he was the only one with me. The video footage , in my head, was the proof I needed because I saw myself walking into the house with the cash and him being the only one with me and then the cash disappearing. ***Why is 846 dollars enough for you to end a relationship?*** I genuinely believed he had stolen for me and I just thought, why would I want to be with a thief? I did ask him if he had taken it but he said no. I didn't believe him and I eventually broke up with him because of it. **Who did you tell?** I told my 2 best friends the full details and told my family that we just weren't together anymore. I didn't go on social media, or reach out to his family, friends or acquaintances. **Why did your mutual friends stop being friends with him?** The mutual friends we had were my 2 best friends and we've been friends since we were like 4. They became his friends because one worked in his field and another shared the same hobby as him. When I dumped him due to my suspicions, they chose to believe me and drop him. **Why did your friend forbid you from taking to her bf?** She was embarrassed. I didn't know this but she vehemently defended me to her bf who said I essentially had no proof that my ex actually took the money. In the moment, she just reacted and didn't want to be wrong. I take the blame for that because she just believed me as her best friend. I have since talked to her bf and cleared up everything. She has also apologized to my ex. **How are you in a relationship months after your breakup?** I'm not in a relationship. I have gone on 4 dates in the past month before I found the money with this new guy and we're not exclusive. I didnt realize dating meant relationship so my bad. I did however give the new guy a rundown of what i did and he's fine to wait for me to clear things up. ***Edit:*** Please stop messaging me privately about why he wants to be friends with me. I don't know, he said that we have to try being friends. He's insistent on it. I have told him this is a bad idea. He doesn't think so. I also offered him the money already and he said no. I offered to clear things up with his friends and they knew nothing about it. I also didn't go on these dates with the new guy this past month. It was the month before I found the money, the month before my first post. Yes I'm aware that's still quick after a 2 year relationship since that's only 2 months. I also haven't seen the new guy since then(about a month) at all except for a phone call telling him what happened. We're not in a relationship or exclusive. For all I know, he's probably dating other people. I'm not trying to get back with my ex at all in any way. Even I know that trying to get back with an ex, after what I did, is horrible and it wouldn't be an apology. It would be me trying to go back to the way things were before I fucked up. I'm not trying to be in his life at all but he won't budge on his decision. Again, nothing is a justification for what I've done even though ppl are going to insist that it somehow is. This was also be my last update about this and I'm logging off this account. I will continue to live my life while trying within reason to make amends. But thanks for the different perspectives and advice. **Bye.** &#x200B; **Comments** **User 1:** *He wants to try what again? It sounds like you have moved on. The worst thing you could do at this point is to lead the poor guy on.* **User 2:** *Poor guy, I just feel so sorry for him. It's great you are trying to make amends but his entire life was torn apart due to something he didn't do. A 2 year relationship down the drain and you've already moved on with someone else. My heart absolutely breaks for him. I'm curious, if he would be willing to get back together again, why wouldn't you? Considering he did nothing wrong. Just curious.* **User 3:** *Kinda feels like she was looking for a way out of the relationship. She went from 0 to 100 in a sec with accusations and bad mouthing and moved on so fast, when she thought he had stolen from her, it's all she wanted I guess.* &#x200B; [**OOP updated in the comments of this post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16qvqb8/comment/k23cw9n/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **- 25th September 2023.** Huh, widely different perspectives depending on where you post. I kept getting notifications on my email which is how I found this post. I'm mostly fine, not that anyone is asking. Im still sorry obviously but my friends/family are reminding me constantly that you can make amends without making it your sole purpose in life and basically thinking you're a horrible person. I left my posts up because maybe other ppl will read this and not jump to conclusions despite the "evidence" they might think they have. &#x200B; My ex is, um, well it depends on the day. It's either I don't want to talk to you or we have to be friends. He was in therapy before he met me but it was a set amount and through talking to him, he wanted to take more due to everything thats happened. He's been working more to afford it and i cant afford it with internships and school. I asked my dad who offered to pay for what his insurance wont cover for about 6 months. I did offer to pay my dad back when i can but he said the lesson i learned is payment enough. My ex was hesitant at first but accepted after the fourth time of me asking so thats what been going on. I also have spoken to his friends who dont like me but at least they can be there to support him. Eventually i think he will realize being friends is a bad idea and that's when I'll go away. &#x200B; Also to the ppl who wish me harm in my messages, I owe you nothing and I'm not the person who hurt you. Also nothing has happened so maybe start a support group and pray to a God, maybe throw in a deity and you will be more successful. Yes, I'm aware that's obnoxious and rude but I really have no fucks left to give to ppl who wish me harm. I'm also not giving my ex sexual favors like some ppl suggested to fix things. &#x200B; Finally i realized, wow you can do something horrible and face virtually no consequences. My family and friends are still with me and other than my ex's friends not liking me, there havent been any actual consequences for my behavior. It has just made me so mindful of how I react in the future when faced with situations since my actions can easily ruin someone's life. So that's all thats happened. This will really be my last message on this profile. I'm really logging off. Thank you again for all the advice. &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

[Final Update] - I broke up with my then bf 3 months ago because I thought he had stolen 846 dollars from me. I just found the money.

NEW UPDATE

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16qvqb8/final_update_i_broke_up_with_my_then_bf_3_months/

16r1la6

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/No-Economy-4110 **My wife is addicted to making up Reddit stories for TikTok and it's ruining this marriage** **Originally posted to** r/offmychest **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Phone and internet addiction!< **EDITORS NOTE: Prior to making his own posts, OOP commented on his wife's Liz posts.** **FROM THE NOW DELETED POST** **I Caught My Husband With My Daughter** >Liz, what the actual fuck is this story. You showed me that you were posting this right before you went to bed. >I hope you wake up and see this, this is not healthy and I've been telling you not to post stories on reddit anymore. It's a new throwaway, a new fucked up nightmare scenario that you keep creating so you can get some chucklefuck on TikTok to make a video about it while playing Minecraft Parkour. >I'm taking your ass to therapy and if you refuse it's over. I'm tired of it, I cannot reach you like I have been as you shut down any attempt to talk about this issue so everyone here deserves to know the truth. This is a 100% completely fabricated story. * >You know exactly what I'm talking about, I see your phone light on from the guest bedroom since you chose to sleep in there tonight. * >Yeah, now you go to sleep after I catch you. Just know if you get fired from your job for this and you still can't quit, it's over for us. I hate to shame you publicly like this but you won't listen to me or anyone else [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/offmychest/s/b4bOWsFKB6) **Sept 11, 2023** Hello Reddit, longer term lurker and first time poster here. Need some advice My wife of 3 years, aged 25, has been constantly on Reddit and TikTok for the past 8 months to the point where both take up anywhere from 9-13 hours of her battery usage. She got into them heavily after I sent her one and it just spiraled to the point where she is writing her own for clout (I guess). Two of them that I know she wrote herself were about a man who's dad thought he was cheating on his boyfriend and cut him off for a year, then coming back "begging to reconcile." One that she showed me she wrote earlier tonight before bed was where a 43 year old woman found her husband cheating with their 20 year old step-daughter (what the actual fuck by the way). That one she posted and it's already gained so much traction that it'll probably be on TikTok by morning. We work at the same company and she has gotten written up for being on her phone multiple times to the point where she might get fired. I've tried to get her to go to therapy because a lot of these are disturbing scenarios she's writing about but she says it's just "a creative outlet." I'm worried for her and honestly if she doesn't quit I'm most likely gonna seperate from her, as she's shown me such a dark and twisted side of her mind through these. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Ok_Zookeepergame4233** >I never thought would’ve expected to read about a relationship between two grown adults ruined by Reddit. My god we’ve come a long way **OOP replied** >>It's actually fucking appalling. I only ever use reddit for news or stocks and junk. Meanwhile she's actually seriously addicted **AutumnEclipsed** >>>If she’d that addicted, she’s going to find this if it gains traction. How do you feel about that? **OOP replied** >>>>I hope she does. I hope it's a wakeup call, she brushes it off whenever I try to make conversation about it. >>>>One of those stories I mentioned is already locked + deleted so it's a start. * **CuriousOdity12345** >Or is this the wife and a new wave of stories? >THE PLOT THICKENS! **OOP replied** >>God damn you >>I laughed, have my upvote * **OOP's REPLY TO LIZ** >Go to bed [Update](https://reddit.com/u/No-Economy-4110/s/5MmXya4flA) **Sept 17, 2023** Hi guys. Long story short, we're getting marriage counseling and therapy. As far as I know, she hasn't made any new accounts and hasn't posted any other stories on here other than her last one. Her boss came to me and commented after her third day post-reddit fight and commented on her work ethic, stating that she has improved. "Not remarkably improved, but it's a good start." I did get Liz's permission to make this update as I want to be as fair as possible but just know that she said herself that every one of your comments gave her a brutally fair reality check. I tried telling her what some of y'all told me in that if she wants to write horror, go do it in one of the horror story subreddits but that the offmychest one wasn't a good spot for that. Anyways we're slowly getting better and spending more time with her. I've also come to realize that I haven't been a perfect partner to her and I've started packing her lunch as well as buying her flowers every day after work. I've realized how much I truly love this woman and I do not ever want to push her away or lose her. So yeah, thanks to everyone for their support! Also making an edit here, please do not harass anyone posting any stories on the pretense or feeling that they might be Liz. She has given me 0 reason to not trust her, as she has had less phone usage time both at work and at home and it's also discrediting other people who are experiencing irl events and venting to Reddit about them. I know I am to blame for part of that and I deeply apologize to anyone who has been falsely labeled as Liz. [The Irony Of It All](https://reddit.com/u/No-Economy-4110/s/fOzZbj8Vmg) **Sept 17, 2023** My coworker just showed me that the post I made did in fact get made into few tiktoks. Oh the irony * **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My wife is addicted to making up Reddit stories for TikTok and it's ruining this marriage

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16r1la6/my_wife_is_addicted_to_making_up_reddit_stories/

16r4lb9

**I am not OP** **I AM NOT OP Posted by** [**u/throwramen83**](https://www.reddit.com/u/throwramen83/) **in** [**r/AmItheAsshole**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/) [AITA for telling my mom am never coming back](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/cKBZrcnsoz) \- August 11th 2023 My (16f) mom and dad are divorced; my mom has remarried and has three stepchildren, while my dad is still single and I live with him. I see my mom on some weekends, but I don’t spend the night at her house because I like to spend the weekend with my friends. So I spent the summer with my mom. I didn’t want to, but she has been telling me how she misses me and how she is going to make sure I have a good time. I said yes because she is my mom, plus she had been practically begging, making it hard to say no. The whole time I was at her house, I just wanted to go home. Instead of everyone washing their own plate, we all take rotations, so I am left washing like 15 plates every other day because they serve food family style and there are so many chores. My mom didn’t even let me meet friends all that much. And there was constant noise while at my dad's house He makes me food, and I washed the plate for the two of us. He allowed me to bring friends over, and me and him cleaned the house together, but since we are two people, the house is never that dirty to begin with. My dad let me talk to him informally; if I asked my mom what up, her husband would go into a rant about how I shouldn’t talk to her like that, and I was left babysitting a lot there. Me and my dad eat out every Sunday, like we go to a nice restaurant and try different cuisine. While here to eat out, we all have to beg my mom and husband. And if I am feeling sad, my dad always takes me for a walk or to go get some food. If I am sad here, nobody notices it, like I am not seen here. I just miss my dad and never want to return here. My mom is sad I am leaving and said we should do it again for every holiday. My dad is picking me up today because I start school on Wednesday, and I said that I was never coming back here and went to pack all of my things. My mom's husband decided to come and give me a speech about how I shouldn’t say stuff like this, and this just made me not want to come back here again because why does she always report me to her husband when I told her that in private? I told my dad what I said, and he said I don’t have to come back if I don’t want to, but my response was a bit harsh. Was I being an asshole? Edit - I am not cutting off my mom, I meant am never sleeping at her house ever again. I said it harshly because I wanted her to know there was no room for debate. I didn’t want to spend summer here but she kept pressuring me to come and making me feel guilty because I don’t live with her. I wanted her to know straight of the bat that am not repeating this experience. **Comments** **Clarifications on what she meant** "I meant I was never sleeping in that house again, am still gonna see my mom." "Exactly she acting like we spent time together, we barely communicated together in private and anytime I got too comfortable and tried to make joke to talk to her, here come her useless husband telling me I should talk with respect, like why can’t I ask my mom what up or ask her why. My dad never took offense when I asked him why, I never even knew that people consider it disrespectful. All the time we went out it was to spend time with her husband kids and I wasn’t allowed to go out with my friends because I was busy babysitting. Like why would I want to come back when the person I came for(my mom) barely acknowledged me?" "If I knew how to block you or delete your comment I would. My dad has never encouraged me to leave or distant myself for my mom. Him and my mom are on very friendly terms and I dislike the fact that you would make that narrative when my dad is the most chilled person I know. I didn’t mean I would cut my mom off I just meant I am never sleeping in her house again." "My mom only cooked then she delegated the chores to me and her husband daughter (13f). The other kids are 7m and 10m. She will mostly call her husband daughter if there was a spill or the younger one made a mess and then she will call the both of us if it came to deep cleaning the whole house. Her husband was like that to, if he bought a plate upstairs he would ask his daughter to take it down and if she didn’t hear him he will ask me, like he doesn’t have legs. Her husband said the younger one are too young to do chores; he won’t even let them clean their own spill." "I am throwing a tantrum because I don’t want to sleep in house where I don’t get to speak my mind and be a nanny for kids I don’t even like. Why should I clean up after 5 people? 2 of the kids are too young to do chores so me and mom husband daughter are basically doing all the chores. If something is a mess it either one of us that is being called. I guess that says a lot about the type of person you are if you can justify making kids responsible for housekeeping. And if my dad partner was actually nice to me and leveled with me then I would have no problem accepting her but if she is constantly trying to to change the way I speak, interrupt conversations with my parents and tell me that I am responsible for looking after her kids like some people I know then am not going to like her. Edit - my to mom" **Her relationship to step sis** "Yeah we did kind of bond since we shared a room and she was super nice. I think we can be really good friends if we both agree not to mention her dad but she also 13, so am not sure if we can have more in common outside complaining about doing chores. But I will invite Her over since she was really nice too me." "Yeah it really surprised me how my mom could let her do so much work, like she will see a spill and call Amy like she a maid. If I saw someone spill something I would clean it because it doesn’t take more than 2 minutes. I really saw a side to her that wasn’t pleasing at all." [UPDATE: AITA for telling my mom am never coming back](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16in4la/update_aita_for_telling_my_mom_am_never_coming/) \- September 14th 2023 Context: So some context for some people that were confused My dad and my mom have been divorced since I was like 5, and my mom has lived with my grandparents for as long as I can remember. She didn’t move out until she married her creep of a husband. My mom has always had me on weekends, but most of those weekends I remember spending them with my grandparents and cousins. My mom hasn't always really been there because she was working. So some people have been asking me for an update. Me and my mom still aren’t close. I made it clear to her that I am never visiting her home and that I still hope we could hang out outside of her home because I didn’t like the way I was being treated, and she said ok but proceeded to say that it not my fault my dad spoiled me but she will respect my decision (whatever that supposed to mean), but I have been calling and texting her every week to hang out, but she always declines. I think she holding a grudge, but if she doesn’t want to put any effort into our relationship, neither will I. This is just how she is; she says she is not angry but does passive-aggressive stuff. Anyways, I asked my mom, or more like begged her, and I got a sleepover with her husband daughter, Amy. Me and Amy have been begging for it for like 2 weeks. So she came to my house, and we had a lot of fun. Her dad didn't give her any money, so my dad brought her a couple things from Claire plus some auntie Anne's and food from the food court, but there was a deal at Claire, so everything he brought her didn’t even reach like 20 dollars; it was just some earrings, a bracelet, and a diary. And in my house, I have like three big trash bags full of clothes that I was going to let my cousins go through because some of my cousins give me their clothes, so it's a thing in my family where we give each other clothes that are too small or we are not going wear anymore. I was going to give them away or diy them and try some TikTok trends. When Amy saw the clothes and I told her I was giving them out, she asked if she could have some. So me and her went through Pinterest, and I dressed her up with style and packed the clothes she liked in one big trash bag to take home. It didn’t really occur to me that this would cause issues. But when my mom picked her up Sunday, she didn’t have any problems; she said that it was nice that I gave her clothes. But later in the evening, her husband called my dad and was yapping about how we gave his daughter our old clothes and started saying that we looked down on them. It causes so much drama. This morning he came and dropped off the Claire's stuff that my dad brought for her and the trash bag of clothes I gave her. I texted her and told her I would give her back Claire’s stuff on Tuesday because her school is like an 11-minute bus ride from my school. But I am not sure if we are going to be allowed to hang out again. Edit - I wrote this around Labor day because it happened around Labor Day. I visited her at her school and gave her the Claire stuff, I would have given her the clothes but she can’t hide that amount of clothes in her bag. **I am not OP**

AITA for telling my mom am never coming back

ONGOING

Ok-Silver7362

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16r4lb9/aita_for_telling_my_mom_am_never_coming_back/

16rcf2q

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/BlissBoneMarrowGuy **The Bone Marrow Guy of Fort Bliss Long story, resources and AMA** **Originally posted to** r/MilitaryStories **Special thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU** [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/MilitaryStories/s/ndwQZxOZYe) **March 5, 2023** That's the name I was unofficially awarded at least once by every command team I've interacted with in this journey I've undertaken since November 2021. "Hey sarmage, specialist uh shit...uhhh the Bone Marrow Guy is here to see you" And such the honorable title was bestowed upon me through trial and dementia, I'm a very forgettable young man. I'm a 22 year old signaleer Specialist, with less than two years on Fort Bliss. But that didnt really stop me, all across 2022 I built and ran Fort Bliss's Bone Marrow Donor Registry program singlehandedly. The first to be done at Fort Bliss in 10 years and has broken several records across the military. Fort Bliss was the number two base in the military for registrations in 2022. It's a pretty fun hobby. But everyone always wants a backstory and this is the place for stories. I got the idea from a punk rock concert a friend took me to. I don't really like punk rock at all (or really any edgy white people music) but there was an organization with a table at the door called Punk Rock Saves Lives that caught my interest. They were voluntarily swabbing the people who came in, to register them as potential bone marrow donors. I really liked the idea and simplicity of execution. So put it in my pocket, currently too busy working 14 hours a day working in the middle of the New Mexico desert with the afgan refugees in Operation Allies Welcome [Mohawks save lives](https://imgur.com/BGJgKKO) Eventually I reached out between crushingly long shifts and started learning about the program and registry process. Planning to work with them until they learned I was in the army. They told me they couldn't touch me saying "yall are property, you have to go through those who are responsible for your spit." They then gave me a number to a guy who's done it before, who then gave me another number, and that guy gave me an email, and I worked my way up this email ladder til I found someone who finally connected me with those in charge of Salute To Life, the DoD Bone Marrow registry organization. I started working with them, learning how their events went, and fitting them to work better with Fort Bliss' high OPTEMPO. With the goal of the events being more efficient both in time and registrees. Getting a brigade command team to agree to a PFCs equivalent of baby's first COA without changes basically meant I had to meticulously plan every detail of the thing, present reasons for every step to stay the same, and literally lie and say "Salute to Life says this is the best way to do this." Because leadership wants things easy and simple, they want a table set up at the brigade HQ and it to be put out to soldiers that they can go here to register. My brigade in particular loves this method and uses it for their blood drives. Garnering a whopping 6 blood donations in their last brigade-wide drive with the table method. Fighting brass wanting to do this with my drive is my part time job. I pitched it to my brigade and a few months of planning later and nonstop politics, gaslighting, power moves, crying later I had the DTO and orders put out that every battalion was given a month to give me dates when they could do the drive in march. Two months pass and March is literally two weeks away and we have two dates out of 6. I'm freaking out. So the brigade surgeon sent an email warning all the CSMs that theyd have a visitor, and I went hunting. A full day of going office to office to office doing nonstop politics, gaslighting, power moves, and crying I had dates for every battalion. A week later i did my first event. They did not make a single change to my CONOP. I'd host battalion formations where I'd come hand out wooden SPC coins (to match my fresh promotion) to every company commander as my thank you for allowing me to siphon their soldierly spit (always got a laugh from formation), then give a 7 minute brief then have the soldiers register right there in their people box. The entire event was designed to take 30 minutes from when I opened my mouth before I was shoving boxes into my ford fiesta, knocking off my window rolling handle half the time. Training a brand new group of confused volentolds each and every event on what the hell this was and what the hell they are doing and why the hell im the one doing it. I did this just within my brigade at first, but as I am a crackhead and had learned from my office hunting I can just walk into an office and convince a battalion to host my drive, I became what has been described as a more annoying equivalent of a broom salesman. I started just walking into a random brigade HQ, going BN office to BN office getting them to allow me to come to their formation and host a drive. I had a pretty foolproof way of not "jumping the chain of command" TECHNICALLY. I would enter the battalion office and wander around looking confused, then some SGT or officer would see this poor confused specialist and ask if I need help with anything. Then I'd immediately say "yes actually I'm wondering if you could take me to your CSM." [Salute to Life speaker at one of my events](https://i.imgur.com/uhkMyNn.jpg) [Nature's desk](https://i.imgur.com/s4Yon8D.jpg) [People registering](https://i.imgur.com/TAeFGrM.jpg) I've done probably a little under 200 meetings most of which that I just fabricated by walking to a CSMs door, knocking saying "Hey CSM, do you mind if I steal a few minutes of your time" (CO, OPS SGM, S3 OIC, whatever abbreviation was in the office at the time). Then immediately sitting down and hammering out a time, demanding my volunteers, and encouraging them to offer incentives to those registering as donors, such as late work call, day off, or three day weekend. Then meeting with every single one of their company commanders and most of doing the same things so everything runs smoothly. The trick I learned is to come up with a really sounding impressive title and position that alludes to me having more authority and oversight than I actually have. I have to make a units leader take me seriously or be unsure as to if they are able to say fuck off within 20 seconds or else I wont get the event. "Hello SGM, I am Specialist bonemarrowguy, I run Fort Bliss's Bone Marrow Donor Registry program through Salute To Life, the DoD Bone Marrow Donor registry program, I've done events with every battalion in your brigade and now it's finally time for me to meet with you and try and work together on this and finish out the brigade." Nothing runs smoothly, every event and unit was its own unique aneurysm and stress and problem solving. Something went wrong at every single one and I'd have to just deal and fix it in the minutes before I went up and spoke. If you were one of my volunteers, or the NCOIC doing the formation and interacting with me before hand you could probably physically see my hairline retreating for cover in those minutes before I snapped into public speaking mode. (shitting my pants and fighting my way through my own naturally very quiet voice) Fitting all this in my spare time, during lunch after I get released or when there's nothing to do but sit at work. "Hey Sarnt mind if I go do meetings, I'll be back in an hour, also I have a speech tomorrow at 630, 930, and 1600" Today my drive has grown bigger than I could have imagined originally. I've done 30 events now touching every unit on east fort bliss to some degree. I ran a two-week drive at the Army Hospital here, WBAMC, spending 12 hours a day there. I had three tables set up in three busy areas in the hospital with volunteers I sourced from my own brigade somehow, AIT students from the hospital, and random friends I called the leadership of. They were given the simple job of registering everyone in the hospital they could with the implicit instructions of having absolutely no moral fabric of any kind. "I don't give a shit if they are in a rush to perform a surgery, give them a kit to fill out when they are done even if they sign it in blood. I don't care if they are late to an appointment, give them a kit and hunt them down when they are waiting to get called." [Bones with hunks of wood screwed in. When someone would register theyd ring a bell on the table and all the tables would clack these above their head.](https://i.imgur.com/tbdRXEI.jpg) [Bone clacking](https://i.imgur.com/hCPuuBi.jpg) [My cute tables](https://i.imgur.com/pBvCliF.jpg) -The hospital drive got 669 registrations, three times the previous record for hospital registry drives. -Fort Bliss is the number two base for registrations across the military for 2022. All the other records for 2022: -1st Armoured Division is the number one division for registries in the military. -2nd brigade 1AD is the number 1 brigade in the military -3rd brigade 1AD is the number 2 brigade in the military -4-27FA is the number 1 battalion the military As of right now the only achievement and goal I had and cared about has finally been reached. Fort Bliss is picking up my drive, taking my designs, and will be executing them across the post every year from now on. We are designing the OPORD now. Now you may ask, why do I post this? To brag? No, of course i wouldn't admit to that publicly. I also actively avoided being identified as long as I could til I got doxxed by a TaskandPurpose article. The only purpose of this accounts existence and this post, is to educate you on bone marrow donation and you likely misunderstand every single thing about it. It is also my literal mission to get people to host these drives at your unit. It's so easy, I just made it hard by being ambitious and choosing 1AD to be my first duty station. -----Why you should register--- I passionately believe every person should be registered as a bone marrow donor. It's both in your interest, and the interest of the person to your left and right. Bone marrow extracting isn't what it used to be or what you think it is. It's simple. Nobody is digging into your spine, not for the last 40 years, sorry to tell you if that's your thing. The grand majority of bone marrow donations are stem cell. If you've donated/sold your precious plasma then you've basically done the modern process of donating bone marrow. One needle each arm, a pill that sheds bone marrow into your blood stream and some waiting and you've saved a life. That's 85% of all donations. The other 15% is through your hip unfortunately, general anesthesia and a sore leg for a week like you actually didn't skip leg day for once. Nothing to let someone die over. Registering isn't a dedication to donating one day. The chances for one are similar to a raffle at IHOP. 1 in 430 chance you'll ever be a match throughout your entire lifetime until age 65 when you're taken off. And on the chance you have a near perfect genetic match and fufill someone as handsome as you's make-a-wish you can choose to not donate when you get the call. (Though I personally wouldn't invite you to the cookout) Being on the registry also serves you. If you're already on the registry, and your diesel fumes and vape clouds catch up. You'll be far more likely to find your handsome match quicker and fulfill your own wish. You might already have a match identified in the registry before you need it. Eat your heart out Dwayne The Rock. -----if you want to join the chaos and start running your own events on base--- YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE IN THE ARMY, I just happen to be. You yourself can run your own event at your company, be you Active, guard, reserve, or a dod civilian who can get in base. Branch does not matter, qnd id love to help a spaceforce guy do an event. You do this drive at a scale you are comfortable with. I absolutely encourage you to do so, even if it's on fort bliss and we compete. It's so simple I can do it as someone who's never gone to a board and can't spell bone marow. You won't be taking any bone marrow, despite what half the formation thinks when they hear the bone marrow guy is coming with his dinged-up hot pink hydro flask. You are a spit collector, your currency is boxes of hundred of spit swabs. I am happy to answer any phone calls and answer questions, walk you through things, and even be on the phone for meetings to help digitally hold your hand. I don't care, I'll do it. I banged my forehead on every single pipe so you won't have to. I've fucked up and fixed it so many times you cannot surprise me. I've created tons of resources to help you do your drive, whether you're a lowly lower enlisted like myself, saucy 1LT, brigade level leadership, or a division. I'll be putting them on this post along with updates. Contact Salute To Life, here is the email for the lead coordinator I work with, [email protected] [email protected] Feel free to DM me for any information, I can show you how I run my events. It's labor intensive, but absolutely worth it when you get a call saying your work made a match somewhere in the country. [Event](https://i.imgur.com/jYKCyhC.jpg) [Coin](https://i.imgur.com/n3Pyjs6.jpg) [Coin](https://i.imgur.com/pK37jAS.jpg) [The continuity book for my drive](https://imgur.io/gallery/PDimlAL) Painstakingly describes every detail of the process. Made to be usable by units of all sizes and singular soldiers. Kind of a one size fits all book, take and adjust as needed. I've sacrificed so much for this drive. I've had panic attacks, break downs, lost relationships, damaged my relationship with my leadership on disagreements, missed out on time I could have spent doing college. worked so hard during the hospital drive I ended up in the hospital in ICU on a breathing tube from an infection. I don't care though. It is my greatest pleasure to finally say that fort bliss is taking my drive, now I just have to make sure they do it right and hope it lasts. It makes it worth it every time someone reaches out and completes a drive, it makes it worth it when those affected reach out and tell their stories. [Why You Should Register As A Bone Marrow Donor](https://reddit.com/r/army/s/9l2JvHUFE4) **June 8, 2023** OBLIGATORY INTRO Hello, I'm the Fort Bliss Bone Marrow Guy. I'm a specialist in the army who started an initiative at my first unit about 8 months after I arrived out of AIT. I ran around shamming out of work to go suave my way into Battalion CSM offices all around post so I could organize Bone Marrow Registry drives at their unit. Doing this for a year I registered 3000 soldiers all around Fort Bliss. After catching some good ol media buzz hunting for good PR, building a bunch of resources off everything I learned the hard way while doing this work, and some semi-ethical power moves. 1AD decided to pick up the program as a yearly initiative across every unit on post. It's called Operation Ring the Bell. This program has the sole objective of registering as many soldiers as possible into the National Bone marrow donor registry through Salute to Life. Currently I'm working to cement it into Fort Bliss yearly operations and SOP. As well as working to get other bases on board and mirror the same yearly program. Though my real love is when other individual soldiers like myself reach out and learn how they can organize these drives at their unit. Whether it's just for awards, recognition, or their own big heart; I don't care because it saves lives. I will make every effort to ensure they get whatever they need to get those registrations. As well as every single drop of credit for their work. WHY YOU SHOULD REGISTER Bone marrow is that funky spongy bit in the middle of all of your bones. This is where white blood cells are made, which make up your entire immune system. Chemotherapy destroys your bone marrow's ability to create white blood cells, often making it incapable of recovering on its own. So you're on heavy-duty antibiotics until you find a donor. Getting a donation is a lot like jumpstarting your 29% APR dodge charger, a little bit of juice and the whole system can start right back up again so it can drive on to get pulled over for illegal tints another day. Registering as a donor does not mean you will be donating today, this year, in ten years, or more likely at all. Bone marrow is entirely unique to donating blood or plasma in this way. The only way you'll ever get a call to donate is if you are almost genetically identical with someone who needs your specific bone juice asap. The chances of you ever donating are astronomically low. That's why registering is so vital. If the vape clouds and diesel fumes catch up and you find yourself laying on the hospital bed. Tossing back antibiotics every day like breathmints before prom so that a rogue sneeze in another room doesn't wipe you out. You're going to need a bone marrow donor. You're not just going to need any bone marrow donor. You're going to need a very very very specific donor. And it's actually very unlikely that they are going to be from your family. 70% of the time you need to find your genetic twin from some random place in the country. You have to hope that there's someone somewhere that's your genetic twin and just as handsome as you are and that they registered as a donor. You're going to have to hope joebillybob from Nebraska took a minute from wearing shorts in the snow to donate some spit and get on the registry. His DNA is so close to yours that they can take his bone marrow and plop it into yours, and your body will recognize it as its own DNA and not just immediately reject it and kill you. This system seems pretty rigged from the start, but the system is lucky that it's made to find donors for humans. And humans love to make more humans. This system works because there are 8 billion of us on the planet and by sheer probability you're going to have a just-as -handsome genetic twin somewhere with a just-as-ate-up hairline as yours. But the only way to find each other is for both of you to register. Notice I haven't been just describing this system as you donating. 14,000 Americans a year are diagnosed with leukemia. Tens of thousands of people a year are diagnosed with other illnesses that require chemotherapy or other methods. Registering to the database isn't exclusively to give you the chance to rack up some huge good karma. You or someone you know just might be so unlucky to be one of them. If that happens and you need a marrow donation; -Unless you want to wait around in a sanitized room for months waiting to just get processed into the registry you'd likely better register now. -Unless you want to see your friend, brother, sister, spouse, children deathly pale lying in that hospital bed sick for months while you and your family rushes to get registered to see if you're the lucky 30% whose family can save them and having to waste crucial time just to get your DNA sequenced and made searchable in the database. You had better register sooner than later. You could have a million reasons for saying no to registering but if the biggest excuse is that you're afraid of that big needle going into your bones or your spine. That reason is no longer valid. They do not touch your bones anymore. 80% of all registrations are done by PBSC. That's stem cells, but from your blood. If you've donated plasma you've essentially done the exact same process of donating bone marrow. Two needles, two arms and a pill that sheds bone marrow stem cells into your blood accompanied by some sitting around watching "grey's anatomy" for the 15th time. Completely painless, completely noninvasive. That percentage of PBSC has gone since Ring The Bell started, and it's only going to go up more each year as medical technology improves. You will not have a spinal tap, that hasn't been an option in decades. If you need to travel they cover wages, travel, per diem, and allow you to bring someone along, all expenses completely paid for. Hundreds die each year waiting for their nurse to run in and tell them they found a match. Dozens die each year hearing their nurse tell them that their match said no when they called. Parents dying before they can see their kids grow up. Children dying before they get a chance to grow up. You will never have to donate if the time comes and you're a match, you will never be forced to save someone in need. You could register today just to safeguard yourself for the future, and that's absolutely fine. But if you ever find yourself desperately needing a donation, spending months or even years nauseated and sick from the medication, you'll be praying that your only genetic match in the country picks up that phone and says yes. [The Fort Drum Bone Marrow Guy]( https://reddit.com/r/MilitaryStories/s/JTZDQEgqgP) **Sept 6, 2023** Hi Y’all!! I’m a 21 year old 92Y (Unit Supply) SPC stationed at Fort Drum. !! I solely manage and lead the Department of Defense Bone Marrow Registry program, AKA Salute to Life, here at Drum. I help soldiers, their dependents, retirees, and DOD Civilian personnel join the national pool of potential bone marrow donors to directly save the lives of cancer patients. I learned about Salute to Life when I was in 92Y AIT through a Reddit post by the Fort Bliss Bone Marrow Guy. He ran bone marrow registry events by himself to help save the lives of patients suffering from leukemia, lymphoma, multiple myeloma, and other blood and bone related diseases. He got me in contact with Salute to Life’s Sr Recruiter CMSgt (ret) Chad Ballance. Chad gave me all the tools I needed to succeed in my endeavor. He explained all of the ins and outs of how our program works and how I can lead the charge here at Fort Drum. I learned everything about STL in the course of 8 months and developed my own speech to present my operation. I have made it my mission to find donors here so we can give hope and life to those babies, toddlers, women and men fighting cancer. Essentially what I do in 5 easy steps is: 1. Walk into a Battalion HQ, get in touch with their command team and inform them of who I am, who I represent and how my initiative helps save the life's of cancer patients in need of a bone marrow/ stem cell transplant. 2. I schedule a date to run a registry event at said Battalion with the help of the command team. 3. I show up at said event with pens, registration kits, brochures, banners, QR codes, and instruction sheets. I give the Battalion formation a short, yet very informative 5 minute speech about the importance of registering as a marrow donor. 4. I give soldiers instructions to either come join me at my table or carry out with their tasks. 5. | help soldiers register by scanning a QR code on their phone which leads them to a ~ 5 minute questionnaire where they put their personal information (I have zero access to this information) then I provide instructions on how to do the mouth swab. Once the event is complete, I go ship the kits to Salute to Life, the DODs Marrow Registry Program. A few weeks ago I had the honor of meeting with my DIV CSM, CSM Mobar and the MEDDAC command group and explain to them the objectives of our operation for Fort Drum. The meeting was a success and I was authorized to deliver my message across every brigade, battalion, and company across post. I work at an aviation brigade and we started doing aerial gunnery a week or so after my meeting with Division, this meant that I would start working nights and have free time during the day to speak to battalions. This change in schedule gave my operation an opportunity of a lifetime. I would work 2200-0600, go home, rest, wake up at 1100. At 1200 I started going battalion to battalion all over Fort Drum asking commanders and CSMs if I could run events in their Battalions. In less than 48 hours I visited every single headquarters BN command team and got a green light from 13 of them, 13 events scheduled in TWO days!!! Another 9 TBD on a date, but confirmed to be on board and support my cause. This initiative I’m leading would still be “stuck in the mud” if it were not for all of the amazing support I have received from Fort Bliss’ “Bone Marrow Guy”, Chad Ballance, my Company, Battalion, Brigade and Division Command Teams. It makes me incredibly joyful knowing that I have the unwavering support of them all. In the past four weeks I have helped over 430 soldiers and their families register as life saving stem cell/ marrow donors. I’m hoping to reach 1000 in the next 2 weeks. Dm me if you have any questions about how you can be part of this incredible program or any general questions :) **OOP IS IN THE THREAD** [HERE](https://reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/dm1qRZSTUl) Hey Hi Howdy Strange to see my posts ever leaving the comfy soft walls of the insane asylum of r/Army and r/militarystories. I also can't be as inappropriate as I used to be because now strangers are looking at me and I'm scared to seem...well like a soldier. But thank y'all so much for your support, (and for those registering, your spit ((I love that stuff)) For those saying it's wide spread, it's not. This effort is very much a collection of individual soldiers across the army working together closely together to try and GET this wide spread. We've got some very ambitious ideas for the Army, and I've personally got real beef with the way it's currently done in the military. As of right now, only 6.4% of the U.S. population is on the registry. And all registrations in the Military go through Salute to Life. They currently work entirely in a kind of hippie "open to the universe" style of getting registrations. Branches dont care to actually use this program. No registration efforts happen at any installation without individual soldiers reaching out and making that effort happen, and the second they stop the unit goes right back where it started. There's absolutely no continuity or actual committed effort or investment to make these registration opportunities happen in the Army. (Except Fort Bliss 💅) Except until we got our teeth and stupid false confidence into the equation. In just the last couple months, literally june-july. My program designing for Fort Bliss was coming to a close, and I believed this was the furthest this effort could go. I mean how much could a single 23 year old with a nicotine addiction and almost no social skills really do? The answer is really jack shit. But...now...FIFTEEN 20 year olds with nicotine addictions and no social skills....The sky is the limit we hope I dunno. Not but for real, in June I was about to hang up the bone marrow and just become "Guy" and I looked forward to it. Then I had a meeting with this organization for the army, AUSA, with a formerly really high ranking CSM who worked there. And he absolutely loved the idea and started promising all these people he'd get me in meetings with, made me see this as possible to be Army wide. SUPER MOTIVATED ME "IMMM READYYYY" Then he asked me "what products do you have?? Send them to me" "I'm not even CLOSE TO READYYYY" See because this was just a hobby, constantly fighting with leaders for every single minute I spent towards it. I'm a grunt enlisted soI can't even read and he wants PRODUCTS? PROFESSIONALISM?? PREPAREDNESS??? almost everything I had was in my head or in that continuity book, I was a professional wing-it-er. I can't exactly send this dude a 38 slide PowerPoint and go "HAVE FUN BUD" So I started grinding, reaching out to every soldier I had helped before, started posting. Started researching and networking and plotting. We needed to be ready when the time comes for this guy to put us in a meeting with the next shiny shiny brass guy. Then he just kind of never did. Totally ghosted me. But he did leave one thing, which was an idea and a ton of blue-circled ambition. So we decided we didn't need him and started our own path to do the same thing the hard way. I have an amazing team absolutely pulling opportunities out of their ears, and I am just scrambling to legitimize this hobby to meet those opportunities. by the hair of my FUCKING feet. We are aiming to get the entire army to establish a sustainable actual effort across the army, at each unit. Tasking young soldiers like myself to execute these drives for their unit each year. Now, through the amazing work of DrumBoneMarrowGuy we have established our program at Fort Drum as of last week. The first time we have actually breached the fences of the Fort of Bliss. We are attending the Army National Conference October 9-12th literally just to hunt down high level army leaders so high on the totem pole we should literally not even be close enough for them to smell our peasantry. We are going to pitch our program and try and make it land somewhere. And doing literally everything we can to make an impression. I'm cutting wood planks into wood blocks and making challenge coins that are actually business cards with a QR code linking to our pitches, data, and everything. As well as our Instagram I am currently building to be kind of an interactive information sheet. There are four others I somehow got AUSA to pay for expenses to attend. I'm making us all really fucking loud polo shirts that technically count as business casual wear, but are really billboards begging their attention. We are also doing an AMA in the next couple weeks on military stories. As of right now, we really have nothing. But we are taking that nothing and treating it like a liar in middle school, making it seem wayyy bigger and cooler than it is. "OUR LEGITIMACY GOES TO ANOTHER SCHOOL I PROMISE ITS SO SEXY" But we have Bliss, we have Drum (kind of), Last year I accounted for 57% of all army registrations that year. Now we account for 78% of all Army registrations and 30% of all Military registrations this year. 5218 soldiers registered in less than two years while balancing our actual jobs and lives. Fighting our leaders for every minute. It's hard, it's really hard work. It's stressful it's overwhelming and we deal with so much disrespect from leaders. Shit put me in the hospital earlier this year. I've had panic attacks, laid in bed staring at the ceiling just trying to cope, we've had team members drop off due to too many challenges. I'm working 18 hours days putting stuff together for October. But we are laser focused, we are plowing through. Because this isn't about us. It's bigger than us. The cost to us is far outweighed by the benefit to those it could help. I don't care what happens, or how much it takes, how much studying Army documents trying to figure out the exact right language that works, how many times I miss a meal to keep working. We can do it. We will. Because I really believe we will make the Army the largest source of donors in the United States. Make it actually take a strong hand in its registration efforts. Make it sustainable and bring in hundreds of thousands a year. Give hope to those who can't find donors. We just need to convince the Army that it should care. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

The Bone Marrow Guy of Fort Bliss Long story, resources and AMA

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16rcf2q/the_bone_marrow_guy_of_fort_bliss_long_story/

16rdao2

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/pilihayden01 **AITA for not wanting my parents to know that my boyfriend is Latino** **Originally posted to** r/AmITheAsshole **Trigger Warning:** >!extreme racism, racist slurs!< --- &nbsp; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bwso48/aita_for_not_wanting_my_parents_to_know_that_my/?share_id=qtDvP-fw8NL-AVO59_WlM&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **June 4, 2019** My boyfriend was born in America but his parents are from Argentina, and he speaks Spanish, eats traditional culture and has various traditions from Argentina. But he is very light skin ( as his ancestors are from Europe ) and his name is Benjamin. So it isn’t very obvious that he is a Latino except that you hear him speaking Spanish. Now, I don’t have a problem with him beign a Latino but my parents are very conservative. The “ all Latinos are criminals “ type of conservative. My brother once had an “exotic” girlfriend and my parents didn’t like it at all. So when we decided that it was time to him to met my parents, I told him to hide that he was Latino. He was alright with that. Once we were having dinner with my parents they ask about his last name ( Rossi ) and he explained that his grandparents were from Italy. My father, beign like he is, said “ for a moment I thought you were an illegal “ ( because for him all Latinos are illegals ). Then my mother followed with another comment and my father with another and they basically started insulting all Latinos. I could see my boyfriend being really uncomfortable, specially when my father ask him if he agreed with them. Lather that night, when we had left my parent’s house he told me that he wasn’t going to hide his ethnicity any longer, that he felt insulted. I understand my boyfriend but my parents love him. And I don’t want to sacrifice my relationship with them because of my boyfriend, but I don’t want to left him either. I think that he should hide it a little longer at lest until they accept him or once we are already living together or something. **VERDICT: ASSHOLE** &nbsp; **Editor's Note: Update is in the same post with the Original** &nbsp; **Update** (Posted in the original link) - **June 5, 2019 (One day later)** After all your comments I saw it. I was being a horrible person and i was also being racist when I tried to defend my parents. I wanted to fix things. First I apologize with my boyfriend, he said it was okay and not my fault, although I am not sure anymore if he is being honest and not lying so that I don’t feel bad. And then the hard part, telling my parents. I decided to go alone.I had started this mess and I had to fix it, and I knew it wasn’t going to be nice so i didn’t want my boyfriend to also go through this. I went for lunch with my parents. After we finished we were talking. I started with “hey did you liked Benjamin?”, they did like him. Then I told them that I needed to tell them something, they looked me directly in the eyes probably thinking I was pregnant or something. And then I told them. I was prepared for shouting, but no, It was only silence. After a couple of minutes my dad said “ so you date one of those..” and continue with a lot of insults. My mother tried to convince me to dump him, I told them “ didn’t you like him? He didn’t seem like a nice guy?, but then my father went about how they always seem nice when you meet them but then they become into monsters. The discussion when for a couple of minutes, me trying to let them see that he was a nice person and then ignoring me and continuing with their insults. I simply left. I feel like shit now, for what I did and for what I have now done. My parents are racist, but i love them, they raised me and give me a lot of good memories. But I also love my boyfriend and I decided i prefer keeping my relationship with him. I don’t know why Amy parents going to do, not talk to me ever, or talk to me but only to insult him. But I did it, it didn’t fix what i did but at lest I feel a little bit better. Thanks for all the people that respond to my post. I know a lot of you aren’t going to forgive me and are going to call me a racist. But at lest you help me see what I did wrong and how I was hurting my boyfriend. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITA for not wanting my parents to know that my boyfriend is Latino

INCONCLUSIVE

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16rdao2/aita_for_not_wanting_my_parents_to_know_that_my/

16rhuq7

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Reasonable-Ad1135](https://www.reddit.com/user/Reasonable-Ad1135/). He posted in r/AmItheAsshole I changed letters to names for readability. **Mood Spoiler:** >!child abandonment; emotional abuse!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16l3o6z/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_to_stop_being_a/)**: September 17, 2023** So I (25m) and my girlfriend (25f) , let's call her Alexa, have been together for 3 years. A few days ago it was her brother's (George) wedding and we attended. Us and a few of our friends were at the same table later at the venue. Turns out my girlfriend's half sister (26f), let's call her Rachel, was invited and was assigned at the same table as me and my gf. I have to note that Rachel is my mother in law's daughter she had right before she had Alexa and then completely abandoned Rachel with her dad to live her life with Alexa's dad. They hadn't found out about Rachel's existence until mother in law confessed to George that she had a daughter before them. So George reached out and found Rachel and she was happy to maintain a relationship with them, but Alexa was completely against it and didn't even want to meet her. That's why Rachel and Alexa don't get along. That was 4 years back. I also have to say that i have met Rachel and we got along well. Since Rachel didn't know anyone else at the wedding George put her at the same table as me and Alexa and our friends. The second Alexa saw her , her mood changed. She kept throwing little "innocent" insults at her and then said she was just joking. Rachel didn't really seam to mind until Alexa said "So , Rachel how's your dad?" I almost lost it then. Rachel's dad passed when she was 15 and everyone knew. Rachel didn't say anything but just looked at her with an almost pitiful look. She then excused herself and went to get a drink. I turn to Alexa and tell her that if she doesn't stop being a bitch and apologizes I will leave her right there and then. Alexa got defensive saying that I'm defending Rachel because I'm attracted to her and that i want to give her a "pity f@ck" because she's the poor orphan. She said all that in front of everyone. I ignored her for the rest of the night and when it was time to leave i left her at home and went to sleep at my house. ATAH? ***Relevant Comments:*** *Was Alexa, George and Rachel's mom at the wedding? Was there any sort of reconciliation ever between mom and Rachel?* "Yes, she was, but George made sure she was sitted at a table far from ours, so she was out of Rachel's sight. She didn't even acknowledge the fact that Rachel was there, and I don't think Rachel came for reconciliation but only for George's wedding since they've been hanging out a lot as siblings." *Did you say anything to Rachel afterwards?* "At one point, we were left alone at the table, and I apologized for what Alexa said . She told me that I don't have to apologize for other people's actions" *You need to leave her completely, not just leave her at the venue:* "I didn't want to cause a scene at my friend's wedding, the incident was already enough i think. But yes i will break up and update you all" ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update (Same Post): September 18, 2023 (Next Day)** First of all I want to thank everyone for their advices. I was going to break up with her anyways but it's nice to know that people agree with me. Here's how it went down. I hadn't talked to Alexa much after the wedding because i was still very mad for her behavior. I stayed at my house and avoided her calls and attempts to contact me in any way. She came to my house twice but I didn't answer the door. I wanted to think, and I made the post yesterday because I had started doubting if i was right. I now realize I am. I went to her house this morning and asked her to talk. She started apologizing to me for what she said but I told her that I'm not the one she should apologize to. She realized what I meant and stopped talking. I kept going, and I told her that it's over between us and to never call me again. She started freaking out and said that she would apologize to Rachel if it meant I didn't break up with her. I agreed , knowing that I would leave her even if she apologized because she's only doing so I stay. Still I wanted to hear her apologizing because it was fair to Rachel. She called Rachel right there and then and after a while Rachel picked up. Alexa started telling her how she's sorry for what she said , and that it has been eating her up for the past few days and she can't sleep etc. Lies, and from what I saw Rachel knew she was lying. I don't think Rachel even cared to hear an apology since she just said a simple ok and hung up. Alexa turns to me and asks me : "Are you happy now?". I wasn't and I told her. I turn to leave and tell her that I'll come pick up my stuff while she's at work. She started freaking out and screaming at me how i tricked her into apologizing to a "bastard" and that it's not her fault her mother "went around making mistakes" before she had her and how there's a reason Rachel was left by her mother. At that moment I knew that whoever was in front of me isn't the same person I fell in love with. I just left. She has been calling me for hours now but I blocked her. Rachel called too, to ask if I'm "still alive" since she learned from George that i broke up with Alexa. I told her that it's good riddance and apologized again for the wedding incident. She once again told me that it's not my fault so i don't have to apologize. So that's it. I'm quite happy to be honest and it's not like I'll miss the toxicity. Thanks everyone for your comments!

AITA for telling my girlfriend to stop being a bitch and apologize?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16rhuq7/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_to_stop_being_a/

16rhuyd

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/derpypets\_bethebest](https://www.reddit.com/user/derpypets_bethebest/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. **Trigger Warning:** >!grooming; parental death!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!creepy and unsettling!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16ix6hb/aita_older_woman_is_trying_to_mother_my_bf_and/)**: September 14, 2023** TL/DR: My (25F) boyfriend (25M) has a family friend (50sF) who sleeps in his bed, walks around in her bra, and watches us cuddle. His mother just passed. Now 50sF says she considers herself his “mother” and is trying to ice me out. AITA? We’ve been dating for 1y +. Three months in, his mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He had to move home several states away. I moved out (at his request) for 3 months (got my own place). His mom and I got along amazingly, she even left family jewelry to me in her will. He’d told me about his friend (25F) who’d had a crush on him in high school- fine. He also told me that he’d stayed at her apartment for a night when he’d gotten there- also fine. But things got weird when I met her mom… We went over to hers for dinner, and she and her mom only talked about how close he was to them. They told me that when he’d gone over to 25F’s house, he’d stripped down to his undies so she could do his laundry, and that she did his hair. (He’d never mentioned this.) They have a special nickname for him and tease me for not using it. The daughter even went upstairs to change into the same outfit I was wearing. The mom was even more possessive. For months now, she’s iced me out over and over…I didn’t hear from him for 2 days and later found out she’d taken him on a trip to NY. When he moved back, the mom flew in to help and asked him to stay in her hotel room for the night. (He could have stayed at mine.) I asked “one bed or two?” He said my suggestion was gross, she’s like a mom to him. She keeps crossing boundaries- she takes sips of his drink at dinner. When I take a bite of his food, she immediately asks him to “make her a bite.” This summer, they insisted that they all take a vacation together- I wasn’t invited. A few days ago his mother passed. He decided to stay in his condo alone for the night. 50sF flew in at 1 AM and went straight to his condo. There’s no couch and it’s a 1 bedroom. She slept in his bed for two days. I was shocked but I didn’t say anything, this is NOT the time- he can barely talk and is processing his grief. But I was so appalled and insulted. She also told me not to come over to check on him. She even asked me to drive her around and run errands for her. I ignored that and went over. Every time I tried to get close to him, cuddle in his bed, sit next to him, she took my place or made him move. Then she got ice cream on her shirt, and she took it off in the living room(!) As I was laying next to him, she hovered over us. His uncle and grandparents seem to have an issue with her too. He told me that she and his family were “fighting over him.” He never stops her from crossing the line. He needs to solve that, or I need to eventually walk away because I can’t feel like an intruder in my own partnership forever. WIBTA to ask for some boundaries here? Or am I being jealous and controlling? ***Relevant Comments:*** *Why haven't you spoken about this with him before?* "His mom has been terminally I’ll all year and he’s been in such a low place, I hardly saw him in person and this is an in-person talk. I didn’t want to spoil our time together when I did see him or burden him with trying to re-negotiate existing relationships he’s getting support from during this rough period. Now that she’s passed and he can start healing, I’ll wait a little while and talk this out with him. The really weird stuff started happening just recently when he’s at his worst so I’ve been holding off." *Water cup and boundaries:* "He said about them stealing his water cups that he gave up trying to stop them a while ago because they keep doing it, so they kinda wore him down and are persistent on some things like that. He one time said something to the mom like “stop being weird around (me)” and they didn’t talk for a week or two but they worked it out. I don’t know exactly what was said because I didn’t dig into it but that was the only time and it was really early on when this stuff started and then never again." *Is he the sole beneficiary/could she be after money?* "He is the sole beneficiary, but she is a very wealthy woman and there’s no reason for her to go after the inheritance. I also come from wealth and they know I wouldn’t be after his money either. So that’s not a factor, I do think she would only be happy if he was with her daughter and have long thought that, but the daughter is dating someone else, so it’s kinda a weird thing to hold out hope for…" *More info on the last few days:* "She flew him back to their home state two days ago and beyond a text telling me they’d arrived, I’ve heard nothing since 🫤 I know he’ll be back in the next few days, he has work next week, but I get a sick feeling when I think too much about it. I have no idea what’s going on over there rn and am super concerned but I don’t want to blow up his phone either. I’m tired of walking on eggshells though I won’t lie." *Why didn't you tell her to put a shirt on???* "I thought she was gonna do a quick shirt swap, he was in the bathroom and I figured if she was just swapping shirts quickly it’s no big deal. But she “got distracted by her phone” while changing and stood on her phone in the bra long enough for him to come out of the bathroom and the whole time he was saying goodnight to me. It’s actually creepier than I described above (kinda wordy and hard to explain but I’ll do my best), she’d opened the little laundry closet and was standing by the a little closet door like 5 feet from us and it blocked my full view of her from where I stood as we said goodnight, I’d moved there after she took her shirt off to try and give her privacy if it was the quick swap I thought it was. But I could see her watching me give him a hug through the crack of the door over his shoulder, I was like what the fuuuuuuck" *Boyfriend's response to "one bed or two"?* "He seemed grossed out by the suggestion there was anything sexual between them, and I do genuinely believe there is NOTHING blatantly sexual going on (from his end) and that realizing the stuff she’s doing is grooming-esque will be a huge eye opening shock to him. I think he’s been conditioned to see her as “mamma bear” or “mother hen” for him and his friends (there’s another guy our age that she has a similar closeness with) and he thinks this is all totally platonic because they’ve broken down his barriers one by one slowly" *His mom was friends with this woman?!?* "So when I first came onto the scene, his mom was not a fan, he said she felt replaced by this woman (even before it got really crazy) so I didn’t bring it up much with his mom since it was a touchy subject. As his mom got worse, this friend started coming over to his house and befriending his mom. I think she put up with it to make him happy and make him feel supported as he was dealing with her getting worse. That woman was a saint. I adored her. The moment his mom passed, she pissed off his grandparents and uncles immediately after spending the last two months befriending them. She HAS a son already! But I had a holy shit moment yesterday and realized there’s another guy our age that she has a similar closeness with like my boyfriend. And I realized this is a pattern. There’s girls in the friend group that’s always at their house so I didn’t connect it before but she isn’t close with the girls like she is with my BF and this other guy. (He is single, before you ask)" ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update (Same Post): September 15 (next morning)** I called him this morning, I haven’t heard anything in three days. He was asleep (whoops 😬). He said he would be driving back with her either today or tomorrow. He’s taking the family dog, and it’s a 14 hour drive. I asked him to let me know when he’s coming and keep me in the loop. My current plan is to show up when they get in, regardless of the time, and tell her she needs to get a hotel or she can even sleep on my couch (ughhhh but they might get in at a weird hour where she can’t check in, preferable over sharing his bed). She is not sleeping there. I feel sick to my stomach and am trying to do calming breathing but I can’t imagine letting another night in a shared bed go by. That’s all I’ve got for now! I’ll update what happens when they get here, lemme know your thoughts on the current plan! **Update 2 (Same Post): September 15 (That afternoon)** EDIT *UPDATE 2* So he texted me saying he was in the car headed back, and I couldn’t stop myself. I said something, and I’ll provide exact quotes from the texts below, the links to see the screenshots can be found on Imgur [HERE](https://imgur.io/a/1n9B0iN) as well if you want to see it that way. —- ME: Have a safe drive, but I need to be upfront with this: where is (the friend) staying tonight? I think she needs to get a hotel room. HIM: Don't think we are making it the whole way today got a pretty late start. Probably a hotel then drive remaining tomorrow but we will see. I don't want to kick her out right now. She leaves Sunday morning bc no flights tomorrow. ME: Are you comfortable with her sleeping in your bed? HIM: I don't care to be honest. She's like a parent to me so its never made me uncomfortable. I'm sorry if that makes you uncomfortable I don't have my couch yet otherwise I would sleep there. But I'm not going to make her get a hotel when she's like family to me I need you to be ok with this right now please. I can't handle more questioning about my decisions than my family has already done every single day for the past week. So please just say you are ok right now. We can talk about this a different time if you want to but I'm barely keeping my shit together —— So I just…wow. I was speechless. I know he’s struggling hard but I couldn’t believe he would blatantly say her staying over was more important to him than my clear discomfort. I do want to have an in person discussion about this with him, for those who would say leave now (I hear you, but it’s hard to do a 180 in a day!) Edit: I made a mistake on the last update, left out two middle texts by accident. But the overall message was the same. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Why tf is she coming with him anyway???* "She’s coming with him because they’re driving the family dog back that he’s taking on now that his mom passed, it’s like a 14 hour drive and he doesn’t like to drive so she hopped on it. It’s his place, she had nothing to do with it financially, and I dread them taking this trip together but I will arrive in the middle of the night if I have to when they get in and tell her to take her bags and stay in a hotel" *How long has this been going on:* "He’s known them since he was 14, she made a comment like “I’ve had him 11 years, almost longer than his family did” the day after his mom died and I felt so skeeved out by that wording" **Update 3 (Same Post): September 18, 2023 (3 days from last post)** Forgive the delay, we talked yesterday but I was tired and didn’t get to typing it up! We talked in person. Basically he agreed with everything. They won’t let him have a relationship and they need to “stop the weird shit”. He agreed, he wants us all to be friends and I said I could try IF AND ONLY IF the weird shit stops now and forever. I doubt it. He agreed she’s possessive and controlling and it needs to stop. I challenged why he’d say this now but on Friday I said there’s an issue he told me to leave it alone. Felt hypocritical. He said if he puts up boundaries with them, they will “retaliate” (his word) against ME and blame me for ruining their friendship. I pointed out how toxic and unhealthy that is, and he agreed. I want action taken, words don’t mean much now. If he can’t put up boundaries immediately and hold to them, I’m gone. But even if he does hold to it, I can’t constantly worry about this. She can’t fight to posses and control him every time there’s a crisis, especially not a mutual crisis (house burns down, pet dies) when I’m struggling too. I am still lost at what to do here, his mom died a week ago and leaving him after he just said he wants to fix it is tough. When it’s just us, things are fantastic. For those saying leave now > I do hear you. I’m not shutting my ears to you, it’s a lot to switch from seeing a future to considering leaving it all right now. **Edit:** **OOP replied to a comment on her AITA post telling her to get the boyfriend (and herself) therapy because this sounds cult-like:** I am still checking :-) I appreciate your comment, I agree the whole thing is very cult like and so intense. I’ll look around for therapists (i need to go to one at this point anyway let’s be honest) and see if they have professional recommendations or referrals. **OOP commented on this BORU post September 25, 2023:** Hi everyone! I’m the OOP! I see a lot of people here saying now isn’t the time to leave him because he’s grieving and it would be really unkind. I completely agree and that was the root of my AITA post - the timing. I am upset but this doesn’t seem like an appropriate time to walk away.I am still with him and supporting him through his loss, she is back in her home state. He’s been distant with me which isn’t new, he often doesn’t text me regularly and I won’t hear much for a day+ at a time.The recent events really opened my eyes to a year of being put on the back burner for him to text when he’s bored or wants attention from me. I have been balancing that with trying to be understanding of him being totally overwhelmed watching his parent succumb to cancer in front of him.All in all, no matter who is wrong or right, I don’t want to do this anymore. If we’d been married and spent happy years together I’d stand by my partner through their healing and cold shouldering. But this has been our entire relationship and I feel like it’s set up an expectation of me being the one to do everything for him while expecting nothing back. I can do it for a little while longer while he gets himself together and picks himself up but I know I eventually need to move on.Everyone’s comments have been so eye opening and I’m a huge pushover (obviously) and I needed the kick in the pants to realize how far this has gone.

AITA Older woman is trying to “mother” my bf and ice me out. I think she’s overbearing and I need some boundaries.

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16rhuyd/aita_older_woman_is_trying_to_mother_my_bf_and/

16rhwd9

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/LikawaiiSteam **A newbie at work said I'm not a gamer because I don't play COD. Later he finds out I'm his senior** **Originally posted to** r/GirlGamers **Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU** **EDITORS NOTE: COD stands for Call of Duty** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Sexism, attempted gatekeeping!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/GirlGamers/s/UkE7LsVYP9) **Jan 6, 2022** Hey, So this has happened fairly recently (just before the new year) and I find the entire situation hilariously funny. At my work I'm one of the senior members of the staff, basically lower than a manager but higher than a team leader. I mainly specialise on a few specific systems and a part of my job is to help people who have issues with them and also I do a lot of quality control and working at the background on the said systems. It's also worth noting that possibly due to some black magic my ancestors practiced everyone in my family look a fair bit younger than they really are (nothing stupid like looking 30 at your 70, more like looking about 10-15 years younger than actually is depending on the age) Me and my work friend were discussing persona games. I was really excited about getting P5R from my bf for Xmas and been playing that a lot. My friend was saying how he couldn't really get into persona games, he tried persona 4 but it is just not his type of game. By the time the events happened we were still talking about games but moved on horizon zero dawn and how expensive the next game is (about 80£). Now that's when one of the apprentices who joined recently hears us and decides to join the conversation. He says something along the lines that he plays games too and asks if I play COD. Now I don't like multiplayer games. They are simply not my cup of tea and the maximum I can do is an occasional coop game with people I know, but mostly I play single player games. Of course I say no, I dont play COD as I don't really like it and for me it feels a bit overrated. The apprentice looses his interest, says that "maybe I'm not as much of a gamer as I want it to look like" and goes back to his training, telling me I should do the same if I want to succeed, instead of talking about anime games (I think he overheard bits about persona). I let go of a small laugh and carry on with the conversation that I had before with my friend. About 2 hours later manager comes around as he wants to introduce the apprentices to the team properly. Of course he mentions the job titles. Now the poor soul finds out my name and the fact that I'm not an apprentice as he thought but actually his senior who he has no chance of avoiding talking to whilst doing his job. His face turns red, his eyes are widening and I can see he is trying to figure out how to get out of this situation, but can't. I find the situation hilarious and just curious how this will play out, as he will have to talk to me at some point. Holidays pass and I had to pop to the office today to grab something and find Uncharted: the Nathan drake collection on my desk and a message saying he wants to apologise for what he said. What do you think? Shall I forgive him or let him suffer from the awkwardness a bit more? P.s haven't played uncharted games yet if this makes any difference. [Update](https://reddit.com/r/GirlGamers/s/NMcNCNgif2) **Jan 19, 2022** Hey, I thought I'll give an update on this post So last week I had some training scheduled with this guy to show him some advanced bits about the job. Everything went fine and I have thanked him for the game and decided to ask why he said what he did. I've also mentioned that I'm not here to judge him for liking COD, but he shouldn't be shaming people for not playing the games he likes. He has apologised again and it felt he needed to talk to someone about it. He has explained that he grew up playing final fantasy and pokemon games and absolutely loved them. He also enjoyed single player games like uncharted, tomb raider and the last of us on console, however when he started college his "friends" started making fun of him for enjoying single player games and basically bullied him into believing that he can't be classed as a gamer if he doesn't play or like games like COD or Battlefield and that gamers must like competitive games. He felt left out as his college buddies would only talk about cod/battlefield, girls and parties and felt the need to fit in, so over time he started adapting their believes. He even said he is not good at those games and mostly played them to talk to people and not to feel lonely. I've told him again he should never be ashamed for enjoying other games more and that a lot of gamers prefer single player to multiplayer. He shouldn't stop playing games he likes because some kids think it's uncool and that friends that bully people to get them to do something they want are not actually proper friends. He got the point and my work colleague (who heard the initial exchanging) reached out to him as well saying if he feels lonely or wants to try something different he can loan him some games to play and he can always join his team in rocket league if he needs a chat. So I guess its a happy ending? **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

A newbie at work said I'm not a gamer because I don't play COD. Later he finds out I'm his senior

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16rhwd9/a_newbie_at_work_said_im_not_a_gamer_because_i/

16ri13s

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Motor-Buy370 **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole and her own profile. **AITA for not inviting any of my siblings to my wedding** Trigger Warnings: >!death of a parent, child neglect!< Mood Spoilers: >!New Beginnings for OOP!< --- &nbsp; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16d28do/aita_for_not_inviting_any_if_my_siblings_to_my/) - **September 7, 2023** So i am (23f) getting married in a few months. And I have few significantly older siblings 34f 36m 38m 38m. All of them are now married and since i was a teen when they got married and they had a child free wedding, i was not invited to any of their weddings. my oldest sibling first had a child free wedding and then the others decided to follow. When my oldest brother got married i was 10, so sure i kind of getting not inviting me. But i was still extremely upset, my oldest brother got married to a woman i really love and i can't even witness it? the other brother got married when i was 12, so again sure get not inviting a 12 year old, but i was very well behaved child and again his sibling. my sister got married when i was 15, at first she didn't want a child free wedding, but all of the family members convinced her because "omg it's so refreshing to be in a wedding where children don't bring havoc" so she decided for a cut of to be 16.... and when i asked can i be a one exception since I'm 15 and your sister... she said no with a very serious tone "if we make an exception for you, what about other children? it's not fair" I got upset and screamed that what is not fair, is not participating in any of my siblings weddings. my parents got upset with me and grounded. and lastly my brother got married when i was 17. at that point i didn't care, i knew there was going to be child free wedding, and that once again I'm not invited. i didn't ask, beg. my step cousin who just turned 18 just made the cut and i didn't. well as i said i didn't care. sent a quick "congrats" and that's it. my parents got furious on why i didn't even congratulated them, i just ignored them and spent all the time in my room with my now soon to be husband since I'm getting married i decided none of them are going to be there, since i wasn't allowed to be there too. when they didn't get the invitations they all came to my house and demanded to know why didn't they get one. i simply explained "you didn't want me in your wedding i don't want you in my" i explained how hurt i was that i was not able to see any of my siblings get married and they should experience the same. they said that the weddings had alcohol so they didn't want any young impressionable kids there. and i said all i wanted was to be included in the wedding part, i didn't care about the after party. mom then started screaming again about how unfair i am and how she wants all of her kids to be together on that beautiful day...ironic but i am not backing down, i firmly believe in not inviting them. AITA? &nbsp; **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** &nbsp; [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Motor-Buy370/comments/16ll2yh/aita_for_not_inviting_any_if_my_siblings_to_my/) - **September 17, 2023 (Ten days later)** They didn't approve the update so i will post it here, hope someone sees it. We talked the day after I made the post. I said that the only way I'm going to invite them if they explain absolutely everything. otherwise no invitation. after some weird looks and silence the truth came out. I am their cousin. My father's brother was raising me alone and died so i was raised by my uncle. they do not know who my mother is. I was young, required a lot of attention, wasn't their sibling, so they kind of distanced themselves from me. my brother said that even hated me sometimes. my parents sat there ashamed for never telling me. my cousin just looked awkward. i just left. We eloped!!! So after all the drama we talked and realized we were doing the whole wedding thing because we thought the other wanted it. We were not against the idea of flashy wedding, but calm day with just closest people was closest to our hearts. So we did that, just us and some of our friends. We are keeping the money for our dream country to visit. my parents had the audacity get angry that there was no celebration but i don't care to be honest, it was a day for us. that's it, i hope the update was not disappointing. special thanks for everyone writing me messages telling us that we were too immature to get married! &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITA for not inviting any of my siblings to my wedding

CONCLUDED

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16ri13s/aita_for_not_inviting_any_of_my_siblings_to_my/

16saqgv

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/NatalieCaileen **Books for adults with lower reading level** **Originally posted to** r/suggestmeabook **Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU** [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/suggestmeabook/s/uxNflYWoAe) **Jan 29, 2022** I haven’t read much at all in my life, but it is a deep desire of mine. Due to some learning disabilities / differences, reading has always been difficult for me so I have generally avoided it despite having an interest in it. But I want to try, so I’m looking for some recommendations. One of the only books I’ve finished in my adulthood was My Side of the Mountain. I really enjoyed the story and I think the reading level was good for me. The length was very digestible. I think I really like wilderness stories but I’m open to other themes as well. I’d love some help finding some other books to try out. I’m guessing somewhere around middle / high school reading level, nothing too long. Thanks! **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **chatmagique2** >I wonder if you might like the Hatchet series by Gary Paulsen. They have that wilderness survival theme * **ShantazzzZ** >Call of the Wild is really good and manageable for any reading level. Maybe the Harry Potter books also. Have you thought about graphic novels? **OOP replied** >>I’ve heard Call to the Wild would be good, I’ll give it a go. Yes, graphic novels have been a great alternative for me. Thanks! * **overheard26** >Just want to say I think it's great that you're pursuing something that you want to do but is really hard for you. Mad respect. **OOP replied** >>Thank you, I really appreciate that. [Update - 11 months later](https://reddit.com/r/suggestmeabook/s/cf7Llchd2f) **Dec 22, 2022** Hi all! Almost a year ago, I made a post on here asking for some book recommendations that might be good for an adult who struggles with reading. I want to say thank you so much for the tremendous amount of responses I received. They were all so kind and helpful to me. There was a lot of folks who asked if I could circle back to update on how my reading journey is going. So here’s the update! I read several books this year! More than I’ve ever finished in my entire life. One of them I even finished in only a few days! I’ve dabbled in different styles & stuff to see what I like and what feels manageable. I’ve had good luck with some memoirs or similar kinds of biographical stories. I’ve had great luck with Steinbeck, as was recommended in several comments, and have gone for a few of his shorter novels. I’ve tried reading and listening to books in all the ways that were suggested and have found them all helpful in one way or another. My biggest achievement was reading Cold Mountain by Charles Frazier, a book I have always wanted to read. It took me all damn year but I read it cover to cover, and loved every minute. Frazier’s descriptions, of the landscapes specifically, are some of the most beautiful, and aching, things I’ve ever heard. I look forward to enjoying other books of his. I’d love more recommendations for similar books & authors if ya got ‘em! I added many of the books suggested to me here to my list, though I haven’t gotten to many of them yet. I’m looking forward to diving into them more. I’ve used the tips & tools suggested here to find books that interest and suit me. There were so many great resources on my original post that were so helpful to me and I hope others found something helpful in them too. I felt nervous and uncomfortable making that post and all who responded filled me with such confidence and hope that I could enjoy reading. Thank you. So much. TLDR: Thanks to this subreddit I’m finally enjoying reading. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Books for adults with lower reading level

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16saqgv/books_for_adults_with_lower_reading_level/

16sdevi

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/CaptainGalactoid **(M25) My (F23) GF was sexting her (M21) cousin and exchanging nudes during our process of moving in together last month. My skin is crawling.** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!infidelity, incest, mentions of childhood sexual abuse!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/WmZSSvbVhP) **Sept 17, 2023** Oh my fucking god. I’m so disgusted. We’ve been together for 1.5 years. I am still processing this. Earlier tonight I found my girlfriends Reddit account and decided to browse her post history. She had a post where she admitted to kissing her cousin and “feelings sparks.” In the post she also said that she knew it was wrong and feels bad for enjoying it. She said “it won’t happen again.” No sign of remorse in the post. I figured this was good enough evidence to snoop through her messages as I already had a gut feeling that their relationship was more intimate than it led on to be just from seeing how they interact together. And how she talks about him. I had a weird gut feeling. But it was her COUSIN - automatic benefit of the doubt. So I snoop and lo and behold she’s creating nude albums for him, saying how wet he makes her, and him saying he wants to punish her for being so bad. My love this, my love that. I want to throw up. As far as I know it goes back to August 7th, when her original Reddit post was made. I don’t know if they’ve had sex and I don’t honestly care to know. I actually really don’t want to know. She is sleeping right now and doesn’t know that I know any of this. My plan for the morning is as follows: Coffee. Tell her I know everything (I took pictures of their conversations). Tell her she shouldn’t come back unless it’s with a moving truck - explicitly telling her I do NOT want to see her cousin here helping her move. Pack my valuables and leave for work. Is this sound decision making? I’m so fucking flabbergasted right now, I could honestly use any advice if I’m missing something before morning comes. UPDATE: morning is here. And reality is hitting. Going to make my coffee and wait for her to get up. As per the move out, I will be having a close friend or two by my side just for safety/witness’s sake. This is all insane. I haven’t confronted her yet but I will post another update when everything is said and done. It seems like we’re going to have to have a conversation where we both agree upon she moves out since I can’t technically kick her out because we’re both on the rental lease. Thank you all for the advice so far. UPDATE 2: I left for work as I can’t take the day off today. I haven’t told her yet but I will update tomorrow, when we’re both home on a day off. I’m taking your advice of being present the whole day when shit hits the fan. So tomorrow will be it. I’m sorry for the blue balls I’ve given everyone asking for an update, but there will be an update tomorrow. Thank you all, seriously. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **AlphaIota** >Honestly, I know you are disgusted, but she needs some help. Clearly her mental health isn't being handled in a healthy way. I know it's hard to do, but please realize that while you are hurting, she is legitimately mentally unwell. She needs help. I would try to contact one of her parents, preferably the most empathetic one, and break the news. Apologize, say you unfortunately have evidence, and give him/her a number to reach you if they have questions. **OOP replied** >>I agree and I believe it’s the repeating cycle of C-PTSD. I truly don’t believe this is out of any malignant will of hers. However this behavior cannot continue and she needs real help before she can think about dating ever again. A support group or something. Her mother was unfortunately enabling of abuse in her past, so I’m not really sure anyone else is trustworthy with this knowledge in her family. The whole situation is awful. * **OOP ON HAVING EMPATHY** >Thank you for saying this. I almost feel bad having empathy for her, and I just can’t stop feeling like we’re both victims for different reasons. I obviously care for her deeply and I know her traumatic history, and I’d hate to see her abuse progress. However, it’s not my burden. She betrayed my trust with someone so close in her life that I feel like I can never trust her again. And it’s just gross to think about the fact it’s her cousin. Someone she will see semi frequently too. Another commentor mentioned telling my GF’s mother to create a barrier between her and the cousin, which sounds like a good idea. I don’t know what happens from here, but I just don’t think it’s healthy to stay any longer. **ANOTHER COMMENT BY OOP** >Yeah that is what I am afraid of. As far as letting her friends and family know - I’ll probably leave it up to her. It’s so shameful I don’t know if they’ll ever know the truth. A part of me feels bad because she has a history of familial sexual abuse, but I still can’t do the mental gymnastics of how this adds up. She has complex PTSD from her abuse, and her cousin is a total piece of shit for perpetuating her cycle. I don’t know who to blame I just don’t know if I can handle THIS since she seems so complicit. Trauma is a bitch [Update](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/lbezP7jt0M) **Sept 19, 2023** A lot of people asked me for an update to my original post here /r/relationship_advice/s/38l83ol03J. This update is also included in my original post because IDK how the updateme bot or follower notifications work exactly. Thanks y’all. ——————————————————————————— It’s done. She came home. I confronted her with the Reddit post and about the sexting. She actually denied it at first. Rather unconvincingly. I couldn’t believe it. She asked me how I knew it was her Reddit account and to show it to her while she pretended to read it, and how I had corroborated it with the post I knew was in fact hers. I told her she didn’t have to play this game, I know she’s lying. She laughed and just stood their quietly when I showed her the countless pictures I had taken of their conversation. She knew she was caught. I asked her if she wanted to tell me about it, and all she said was “when do you want my things gone.” She knew. God I’m so angry. Before the confrontation I felt sad and confused and remorseful almost for her situation and how fucked it is - with Complex-PTSD and everything, but now knowing how complacent she was in it, I feel nothing. Just anger. I don’t know why she did this. She doesn’t know why either. She sat on the bed and that’s when the tears started. She said she’s so sorry from the bottom of her heart, but I felt nothing. I was just looking at her as she was crying, her hand covering her mouth, realizing what she’d done to us. I didn’t care. And I didn’t want to look at her anymore. She told me that she was going to try to fix it all before I found out, and how she never wanted it to get that far. How she just talked to her cousin about how she was done. She also told me she was worried that I would find her Reddit account through that post (isn’t there a theory that cheaters want to be caught?). I told her it didn’t matter now, even if it just would’ve been a secret. I’m happy I know this information instead of it being a secret. She asked me who I told and I told her the few people I have (besides the thousand who have seen this). She asked me what they said about it and I just summarized each friend’s response in a couple words. She told me not to tell her mom, and I guess I’m not going to. I honestly don’t care anymore. It’s her life. I’ve never had a relationship come to an end because of cheating, and it’s honestly one of the most unfulfilling, nastiest, fucked up things someone can do. She asked if she can fix this and I said no. The foundation is ruined. I asked if she had sex with him and she said no, but I don’t care I’m going to get a full STD panel done anyway. I told her she should get a one bedroom apartment because her home is unhealthy, especially with her cousin there. And that she needs some serious work before she ever decides to date someone else. That was my only parting advice. She told me she was going to tell her family with her cousin and honestly I don’t give a fuck what she decides to do from now on. She said she’ll get a moving truck sometime this week and tell me when she’s coming. I told her I don’t want to see her cousin here helping and she just nodded her head. She packed some things for the week and left. All and all it went fine. I don’t know what I’ve learned from all of this and our time together, but I’m numb. Just numb. The end was utterly unfulfilling, and just fucking shattering. Don’t cheat. 2 rather poetic bs things that happened: • I saw my favorite insect today, a praying mantis :D, on the front porch. For me the mantid symbolizes strength, wisdom, and precision, which I carried with me during the confrontation. • On her way out, I just stared at her shadow on the wall, carrying her literal baggage. Her shadow self is heavy. She needs to connect with it. It represents to me all of the good things and times we’ve had together encapsulated in that dark figure. I wish the best for her. I hope she can heal. But she can’t do it here with me. Not after this. I don’t hate her I’m just really fucking angry. Idk that’s really it everyone. Thanks for listening. Thank you all sincerely for the advice. One of my boys will be filling her spot. And I’ll have the boys over when she moves and I may start packing her stuff now. For now I’m just going to drink some tea. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Intrepid-Middle-5047** >I'm crushed for you. I've been weirdly invested in this and I've been rooting for you and wondering how you've been doing. It's weird for me to be this concerned about a complete stranger before on a super personal level like this but I hope this makes you become a better person and not a bitter person, you know? The bit about her shadow was intriguing to me the most now lol can you explain that to me please? **OOP replied** >>Yeah sure. Thank you for the concern and kind words. I’m sure (pretty positive) there is a philosopher that has explored the “shadow self” that’s more well versed in it than me. BUT, to me the shadow self is the part of you that is disconnected, hidden, and well - literally and figuratively dark. It’s about recognizing your past and connecting it with your present to form your full self. Her shadow being cast on the wall was just symbolic to me of her trauma, her unrealized potential, the many good things I saw in her (that I wish she could see) that she could never connect with, leaving. She was carrying bags, so her literal shadow obviously was too. Just added to the poetry of the whole image. The departing shadow. I’ll never see it again but she’ll see it everyday. I don’t know. It’s abstract and heady but I’m an artist so I read into shit way too much haha. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

(M25) My (F23) GF was sexting her (M21) cousin and exchanging nudes during our process of moving in together last month. My skin is crawling

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16sdevi/m25_my_f23_gf_was_sexting_her_m21_cousin_and/

16sdfao

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is still** [u/Amazing-Mention9502](https://www.reddit.com/user/Amazing-Mention9502/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. **Mood Spoiler:** >!sad!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16egawg/aita_my_dad_got_a_tattoo_in_the_style_of_our/)**: September 9, 2023** my father (41m) and my mother (40f) divorced three years ago. i live with my mother. my father remarried a year ago. his wife has two children (18f) (15m). me (18f) and my dad got a matching tattoo two years ago. it was a simple outline tattoo of a photo of us. after my dad got married, things started to get a bit more distant between us because he started to spend more time with his new family. besides that, i think he doesn't want to see me around them. i don't know why, after all, i've never treated his wife or stepchildren bad. yesterday he refused to meet me on a weekend when we were supposed to spend time together saying he was unavailable and he reposted a story of him hanging out with his new family that. while looking at the photo i saw that he got a new tattoo on his arm. it was an outline tattoo of a photo of him with his new family, just like the tattoo he got with me. now i know that millions of people have these tattoos and it's not my original design. still i'm disappointed that he got a tattoo with his new family in the same style as ours because i always thought that tattoo was special between us. now i'm thinking of getting it covered or removed. i called my dad in the evening and asked him why he was hanging out with his family instead of meeting me. he said they planned it earlier which doesn't make sense because it was agreed in court after the divorce that I could spend time with my dad every weekend. so "we planned it earlier" is a pretty bullshit excuse. he also knows that i'm totally okay with spending time with his family. when i told him that he said "it's not that simple." i guess i'm too dumb to understand "complicated" things because he doesn't even try to explain it lol. then i asked him why he got his new tattoo in the same style as ours. he said he didn't think it would be a problem for me. i told him "you broke something special between us, how can you not realize that? i think i'm going to get my tattoo covered. you can do the same." in result he thinks i'm overreacting and i shouldn't be so selfish. my mom says what my dad did wasn't such a bad thing. she thinks we should sit down and talk, i'm not sure. AITA? edit: tomorrow i will try to talk to my dad face to face. i hope to discuss openly about whatever the issues are between us and find a way out. i don't think my mind will change about the tattoo, but i will not rush to get it covered. thank you for your advice. if things go well i will also try to write an update. ***Relevant Comments:*** *How did you get a tattoo at 16 and isn't the mandatory visit court order not in place anymore?* "not all tattoo artists are very law-abiding. i turned 18 five months ago and of course the court order is no longer in force. this was our routine for three years, we didn't break it as soon as i became an adult like "ok bye". i just assumed that we hung out together on the weekends unless i was told otherwise." *More on how OOP feels/what they did in the past:* "i never pushed him to meet every weekend for three years. when one of us had a reason, we didn't meet anyway or met another day. still, if he's bored with this routine, i think he needs to tell me straight. because it's heartbreaking when he just says he's busy and hangs out with his family and then just tells me "it's not that simple". and no, he didn't take much action to make up for the less attention he gave me after the marriage. there is no problem between him and my mom right now, they don't talk unless it's necessary. so i don't think he is moving away because of mom. it's also the saddest thing for me that he's enjoying life to the fullest now that i'm of legal age. maybe i'm speaking emotionally but it means that i'm a kind of prison for him. i don't want to think that he's been spending time with me because he "has to". i will talk to him, if he wants to move on to a new chapter of his life and give me less scene there he must say it clearly. thank you so much" *Have there been issues with the other 18 year old now in your dad's family? How about your new step-mom?* "we haven't really spent enough time together to have an issue. his wife is generally kind to me, but i don't know if she thinks bad about me" **Update (Same Post): September 10, 2023 (Next Day)** this morning we had breakfast together and had a long talk. it turned out that the problem all this time was my stepsister. he told me that she was struggling with the whole marriage. the reason he got the tattoo was to show her that he loves her as much as he loves me. he also said that she didn't feel at ease around me, which i was really surprised about. we hadn't fought once, and we hadn't even been together long enough to have any disagreements. that's why he didn't invite me that day. he wanted to be a good father figure in her life. still, he said that i might get closer to my stepsiter in time, who knows when he also said i can get my tattoo covered if i want, but he would never do that to his. for him, the tat still has the same special meaning. honestly, it would really make me feel like an ah to get mine covered while he keeps his, i'm not sure what to do lastly, the hardest thing for me was finding out that they were moving to another state. his wife got a better paying job and he's going to start a business with a friend there. he told me that he will be very busy with all the moving, but will spend as much time with me as possible until he moves. he also promised to visit me often after the move, which i don't think he'll be able to keep i guess he's really moving into a part of his life where i'm not in it, and there's not much i can do about it. thank you all **Update 2 (Same Post): September 19, 2023 (9 days later)** today my stepbrother replied to my story and we started talking. i told him about the latest things and he told me a lot of things i didn't know he said that it's true his sister doesn't feel at ease around me, but she never said anything to my dad about not inviting me. in fact, her discomfort isn't so great that she couldn't stand to be in the same place with me. it was my stepmother who asked him not to invite me that day. and she came up with the whole idea of the tattoo he said his mom doesn't like my mom at all. he's not sure if this is based on something or not. when i asked my mom about it, she said she never met that woman even once. i think her dislike for me comes from her baseless hatred for my mom and my dad played along with her also, i didn't mention here, but my dad told me they are moving in november. my stepbrother told me they are moving next week and that was the plan all along he told me he is sorry for what happened to me and only told me these because he thought i had to know the truth. he also asked me not to let his mom know about this conversation. my dad wasn't really like that, he was a good man. i mean, all those lies, cutting me out of his life, that's not like him. i don't understand why he turned into such a person, but i really don't want to talk to him once more to get it. he's moving away next week anyway i told my mom about this and asked her to call my dad, tell him that i would never see him again. my mother passed this on to him without mentioning the conversation. i also blocked my dad from everywhere soon i will get the tattoo covered. luv you

New Update: AITA? my dad got a tattoo in the style of our matching tattoo with his new family and now i want to get mine covered.

NEW UPDATE

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16sdfao/new_update_aita_my_dad_got_a_tattoo_in_the_style/

16ta5xq

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/No\_Decision\_913](https://www.reddit.com/user/No_Decision_913/). She posted in r/AITAH. **Trigger Warning:** >!parental death!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!sad but hopeful for OOP!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16lyb6c/aitah_for_leaving_my_boyfriend_when_his_ex_died/)**: September 18, 2023** I (F26) have been with my bf (M30) for 2 years now. He has two kids (M6, F4) with his ex gf. She moved to another state with kids to be near her family when they broke up three years ago. He got them on vacations only. I knew all this when I started dating him. I had no issue with this but told him forefront I can't be a parent. I was parentified by my mom and raised my 5 younger siblings. The oldest of them is 6 years younger to me and I had to change his diapers and feed him formula. I went LC with my family went I left home at 18. I can't imagine doing that again. He was also snipped after last kid and didn't want more kids. He was fine with me not wanting to be a parent and just be a bonus adult. We were taking it slow and I didn't even meet his kids until a few months back. We took a trip together and got along great. Things changed 2 months ago when his ex died. Kids were really crushed as they moved into his house. We were not living together but he asked if I could move in to help him out. Just for a while. I couldn't refuse and stayed. But I started hating it again. I hated how clingy the kids became and how much responsibility I had. I did my best but my mental health started getting worse everyday. I didn't even get help from my bf, cause he was struggling too. Last week was especially bad since younger kid had cold and wanted me to nurse her back to health exactly as her mom would have. The soup wasn't same, the song and story wasn't told the same way, I didn't hug her the way her mom did etc were some of the long list of complaints. I know she is grieving but I was already working from home, and stressed too. When I told my bf he should take over he said they need me more since I am a mom. It triggered me. I didn't want to be held to a mom's responsibilities again. I told him I can't do this. He said I needed to stop acting like a child and step up. I understood if I stayed my whole life would be like this. Never measuring up. Never being enough. And all the responsibilities of a mom. I left yesterday. Moved in with a friend. My bf (ex bf) is blasting my phone calling me an AH. AITAH? ***There is no consensus bot on AITAH, but the top comments were mostly NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16nmahp/update_aitah_for_leaving_my_boyfriend_when_his_ex/)**: September 20, 2023 (2 days later)** Last few days were chaotic and full of confusion, to say the least. I didn't answer a lot of questions and I am sorry to all of you for that. I was not in the right state of mind and was overwhelmed by all the replies. As is human nature, all the reasons I was a AH and cold hearted bitch messed with my mind lot. To answer a few questions: 1. I didn't leave without goodbye. I had told the kids goodbye. I didn't want to cause too much strain and said I was leaving for a while for work. I did just tell my ex I was leaving, I couldn't take another round of "stop acting like a child" and "grow up". 2. I don't normally work from home. He asked me to stay home with his daughter stating he doesn't know how to take care of a sick kid. She really was sick at first and I went along with it. But he refused to even help in the evenings. 3. Most of your assumptions about him was true in the sense I almost always ended up looking after the kids alone. He rarely did his part. It was either he was exhausted, he couldn't face them, he didn't know how to deal with their grief or I did it better. It was not what we agreed upon when I moved in to help. I was supposed to help him, show him the ropes but I ended up feeling like a single mom. 4. As parent, he got custody. His ex's parents said that was for the best since they were already retired. They did not want to raise the kids. Anyway, I was able to move back into my earlier apartment. Thankfully the landlord hadn't rented it to anyone else. I did have a lease but I did not want to keep paying rent and had come to agreement with landlord to sublet the apartment for month to month till I am back. Being back in my space I feel much more calmer. I also met with my ex. After the initial blasting, he called me yesterday asking if we could meet. I wanted to get more clarity too and agreed. He came over (finally got a babysitter ) and we had a good talk. He apologised for everything he said and demanded I do. He said it was a big unexpected change for him too. He was scared and didn't know how to raise them, being a vacation dad. Having children home everyday and thinking this was how its gonna be for rest of his life (his words) had him terrified. I said I understood. But I cannot be a mom to those kids. I cannot take up his responsibilities. I want to help, but not in that capacity. I needed boundaries. He said he expected as much. He agrees he should never have asked so much of me. He asked if I could help him, still. That the kids missed me and asked when I will be back. He needed me. And I refused. I told him I will help him. I will come around some times, when I can. As a friend of dad's would. But I won't move back in. I won't be a step mom. He asked if I was breaking up with him. The truth is I don't know. I do love him, but it won't work out in long term. And everything he did and said is still raw on my mind. I said as much to him. I can't be in a committed relationship with him. I won't go anywhere, I will help and support as much as I can, but as a friend. I guess we are ending that relationship. I met kids this morning. I went over there with some pancakes. They asked when I was coming back to live with them. I told them I have my own home to take care of but I will visit them when I can. While surprised, they seemed to be accepting the situation. They had questions of course, but accepted I will just be daddy's friend. His daughter asked if I could still be her bestfriend. I agreed. I guess that won't be too hard. She gave me a hug before he took them to school and daycare. I actually feel so much better too. This was a role I can deal with. I don't know if its the right way. I hope it works. Thankyou for all your replies and guidance.

AITAH for leaving my boyfriend when his ex died leaving him to take care of his kids full time?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16ta5xq/aitah_for_leaving_my_boyfriend_when_his_ex_died/

16ta63o

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/CapableElephant6355](https://www.reddit.com/user/CapableElephant6355/). She posted in r/TrueOffMyChest This story is **VERY MUCH still ongoing**, without a lot of closure right now. A reminder if you want concluded stories, you can filter this sub by flair. **Trigger Warning:** >!possible infidelity; possible gaslighting!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!far more questions than answers; frustrating and bizarre !< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/168kiyg/two_tampons_may_mean_my_marriage_is_over/)**: September 2, 2023** I (29F) have been with my husband (30M) for seven years, married for four. I’ve never had reason to suspect he was unfaithful to me or even remotely dissatisfied with our marriage—he likes to joke that we’re still living the “honeymoon phase” nearly five years and two kids in. I wouldn‘t have questioned that, or him, were it not for a surprise I found in his car last month. When buckling our daughter into her carseat, I noticed something slotted between the cushions. I pulled it out and saw that it was a tampon. This wouldn’t have been so unusual had I not had an IUD that has stopped my period for the past year, and I didn’t even recognize the wrapper style. I brought it to my husband’s attention, and he didn’t seem to understand what it was, let alone why I was holding it, until I told him where I’d found it and why I was almost certain it wasn’t mine. He shrugged and said it probably belonged to his coworker, Fiona. It’s not uncommon for my husband to carpool to lunch with his coworkers, and we’re both fairly close to Fiona and her husband, so I figured it was entirely possible the tampon had slipped out of her purse whenever he had driven with them or offered her a ride. No big deal. I put it out of my mind until we had dinner with Fiona and her husband a couple weeks later. I had sincerely wanted to believe my husband. I just couldn’t get over the way it had been tucked in the seat and how my husband had seemed not to have any regard for it whatsoever. Maybe playing dumb. I don’t know. I did something that I now feel kind of crazy for doing: I faked an “emergency” and asked Fiona if she had any tampons while we were out together. She handed me one almost identical to the tampon I’d found in our backseat, and I breathed a sigh of relief. So the tampon there was probably the same tampon here, and in all likelihood, there was an innocent explanation as to why it had been left in the backseat in the first place. I thought I’d seen the last of the out-of-place feminine hygiene products until I found another tampon this morning. This time in my sock drawer. I feel physically ill at the thought of my husband having an affair and even more nauseated at the thought that the woman might have left these tampons out for me to find. If it was my husband’s coworker, why would she give herself away by offering me one the other night? In any other situation I would want to talk to my husband about this, but I feel too sick, and embarrassed, to approach him with what I’ve found. What should I do? ***Relevant Comments:*** *I've had a period 30 years and never put a tampon in a sock drawer. Trust your gut & get cameras:* "Neither have I. I’ve considered so many explanations for the tampons that wouldn’t implicate my husband, but none of them make sense, really. I’m terrified to set up a camera if it means confirming what I suspect right now." *Has Fiona been over to your house and had time to plant the tampon?* "She’s been to our house many times and vice versa. To my knowledge, she wasn’t over any time in the past week, so if she planted that second tampon, she had to have found a window of time when I wasn’t home. Any time she and her husband visit, we all stay downstairs, and you’d have to go *really* out of your way to make it to our bedroom (i.e., around our dogs, over the safety gate, past the other bedrooms). Not saying it’s impossible, but definitely tricky to do on a quick bathroom break, I would guess." *How old are your kids? Could they have found a tampon and put it in a random place?* "2 and almost 4. Both have a mischievous streak, so I didn’t want to rule out the possibility of one of them moving stuff around, but I can’t imagine how they’d get their hands on one, possibly two random tampons that I never bought." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/16nu84v/two_tampons_may_mean_my_marriage_is_over_update/)**: September 20, 2023 (18 days later)** Contemplating every possible source of two tampons has been my personal hell for the past few weeks, but I wanted to share an update. Shortly after posting on here, I told my sister what happened. The tampon in the backseat and the sock drawer, my husband’s cluelessness, the tampon from Fiona, and all the things I suspected but didn't want to believe. We compared tampons (save for the backseat one I had already discarded), and they were a match, just in different absorbencies. I hadn't left either in a place where my husband or daughters would have found them and moved them around. My daughters didn't know what they were or where they had come from. My sister was convinced it was Fiona—either fucking my husband, fucking with me, or both. Direct confrontation of either party still seemed like a bad idea, so she suggested inviting Fiona and her husband over for our Labor Day barbecue. Unfortunately, they already had plans. My sister and I agreed that it was too soon for cameras without any other evidence, so it was just a waiting game from there. Watching my husband for any changed behavior (there was none), our house for any misplaced/foreign items (there were none), and even the girls for any new "friends" they might have met. My sister's husband was adamant on this last point, and partly why he was inclined to believe that the tampons were harmless. If anything had been happening in or around our home, he said, it would be nearly impossible to keep it from me *and* the girls, since my husband was the one taking them to and from daycare and most other activities during the week. I felt a good bit of consolation in that. It wasn't until my younger daughter (2 y/o) came down with something last week that I felt any differently. I wanted to be the one home taking care of her, but my husband insisted that I stay at work while he stayed home with her. I was OK with that, my sister and her husband figured it was a good sign that he would take the time off at a moment's notice, and at that point, we were all already beginning to put the tampon fiasco behind us. By the third or fourth day, I was just happy to see a near-healthy child and a husband who was helping see her through it. Toward the end of that week, though, I came home to something strange. The toddler that I'd left that morning in an old PJ set was now dressed in a onesie I'd never seen before, with a tiny clip in her hair. I can't say I have the sharpest memory, but I have a pretty good sense of what my kids wear on a day-to-day basis, and particularly what kinds of clothes they wear. I'd sworn off the full-length sleep suits with snaps across the front long before we'd ever had our second (the long snaps are just a pain in the ass and a no-go for efficient diaper changes, IMO). It's just not something I would dress her in, and my husband knows as much. He doesn't plan for, or buy, the girls' clothes, and he certainly doesn't accessorize them, so I was bewildered. And kind of floored at the thought of someone around our sick child without my knowledge. I didn't think twice, and I went straight to my husband to ask if anyone had been over to see him or the girls. He seemed confused, like before, and asked me why I would think that—it had just been him and the kids all day. I asked him again, if someone had so much as stopped by to say hello, and he denied it. He told me to calm down. I might've lashed out and come forward with the accusations right then and there, but our older daughter was in the room, and she sensed something was up. In a calmer voice, I asked him a third time if anyone had been around our children, and my husband swore that the girls hadn't been around anyone but him. He also denied buying new clothes or doing anyone's hair. With our daughter in the room and my emotions all over the place, I decided to leave it. I couldn't make sense of it then, and it hardly seems clearer now, after I've driven myself half-crazy with explanations that aren't adding up. ***Relevant Comments:*** "To answer a couple questions: * My 2 y/o can only string together a couple words at a time, and when I ask her about her time with Daddy or her clothes/bow, she answers based on the cues I give her (e.g., “Who gave you that pretty bow?” and she repeats “pretty bow” back to me, or “Mama/Daddy” over and over). My older daughter (almost 4) was at daycare that morning, and she can’t recall anything different from that day. Doesn’t remember the PJ change or the hair clip, so my guess is she was changed sometime that morning, but I’m not totally sure. * I have a 45 min commute to work, so stopping by for lunch isn’t really feasible. My sister has been kind enough to leave work and drive past a few times here and there, and she hasn’t seen anything out of the ordinary. * We have a Ring camera at the front door, and I’ve got the app on my phone with notifs on. Nothing there yet. If anyone has recommendations for more discreet surveillance, I’d be open to it—I’m just the least tech-savvy person and worry another camera will be easy to detect lol \*\*Edit: And yes, we get our carbon monoxide detectors tested regularly." *Is it possible one of the hair clips came from daycare?* "I could see the hair clip being a possibility, but less likely on the onesie. My younger daughter hadn’t been to daycare in days, and if either of them had returned with something like that before I would’ve noticed—especially since it was the kind of onesie I hate with a passion lol." *People comment that they can't wait to find out the ending to this saga:* "My money’s on the Hollywood horror ending. Hopefully dreamed up the dogs too so I can finally stop picking up their imaginary shits and whatnot." **Edit: OOP replied to this post** She clarified she DID ask the husband where the onesie was from, and added this: \[he said\] “Must be one of the old ones.”Which would be weird, but plausible. I swore off the long side-button onesies after our first kid, and we donated the rest of them. Is it possible that one slipped past us? Sure. What doesn’t make sense to me is how adamant he is that he didn’t change her into the onesie or give her the bow. He says I’m misremembering what I left her in that morning. I’d give him the benefit of the doubt on the onesie existing in our house somewhere, but to insist that I buttoned her up in a piece of clothing I despise and then forgot about it is something else. **Edit 2 from Lucy-** Hey- a reminder that this has NOT been posted in this sub before. There is a 7 day rule in this sub, and I ALWAYS follow it. Perhaps you are thinking of the other sub which is in NO WAY related to this one or run by the same people. I don't frequent that sub, nor do I check what they have posted because it is an ENTIRELY different subreddit. One of the problems there is that things get reposted several times. For this post, I posted this after 7 days exactly, at 12:00 AM Eastern. I'm tired of getting dms and comments being dicks about this. So if you have a complaint, make sure you're *absolutely sure* this has been posted in this sub before, and send me the link. **Edit October 20, 2023:** I made a new BORU post with OOP's final post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/176pxc8/new_update_with_answers_two_tampons_mean_my/)

Two tampons may mean my marriage is over

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16ta63o/two_tampons_may_mean_my_marriage_is_over/

16ta6pz

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/maviswood **AITA for lying to my boyfriend about my body count?** **Originally posted to** r/TwoHotTakes **TRIGGER WARNING: >!Emotional abuse!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/MSr7EPdBai) **Sept 14, 2023** I (23F) found myself in a tricky situation recently and wanted to know if I was in the wrong. 3 years ago, I started dating a wonderful guy named Alex (28M). Our connection was immediate, and everything was going incredibly well. When the topic of our sexual histories came up, I panicked. I was worried that my number might be higher than his, and I was afraid that he would judge me for it so instead of being honest, I decided to lie and said my body count was lower than it actually was. At the time, it seemed like a small fib that would save me from potential judgment. However, a few days ago, Alex and I were at dinner with some friends when the topic of body counts came up. As the conversation continued, I started getting intense anxiety, I knew I had to come clean to Alex. So, I waited until we were back home and I confessed and told him my real number. Alex was visibly hurt and felt betrayed by my dishonesty. He told me that honesty and trust were essential in a relationship, and he couldn't believe that I had lied about something so personal. He then called me a lying bitch, which shocked me, but I also understood why he was so angry. I talked to my friends about this yesterday, and they were divided on the issue. Some thought that I shouldn't have lied in the first place, while others believed that my lie was relatively harmless and that Alex should understand why I lied. Since then, Alex has hardly talked to me. This morning he said he is struggling to rebuild his trust in me and that he needs space. I got a text from him an hour ago, saying he is going to stay with his mom for a few days. I feel like I fucked everything up and I'm scared he's going to leave me. AITA for lying about my body count? EDIT: My number is 5, including him, but I told him it was 3. EDIT #2: I figured an update was easier to answer some questions than replying to comments. Right before he asked me my number, he was telling me that he's disappointed in his sister because she recently told him her body count, and he told me hers was 6... He joked that mine better not be that high... (No, I didn't ask or even think to ask about his sister's body count, he just brought it up, which I thought was kinda weird) So, I was worried, and I knew one digit wasn't a big difference, but it seemed like it to him. I know I shouldn't have lied, I feel terrible about it and I wish I could take it back. We are texting right now, and he explained that he's upset with me because of my number, he said lying about it is obviously an issue too, but he's more mad that I've slept with 5 guys total. He said 4 was his limit, which I just find odd because his number is bigger than mine (but I didn't care about his number, I didn't even want to know, but he told me anyway). As for the name calling... He has called me names before, over small things that I chose to ignore because I'm a people pleaser and don't want to make it a big deal. I was used to it to be honest, my parents called me all sorts of things growing up. I asked him if we could talk on Saturday about all this instead of texting, so hopefully we can talk more about it. Thank you all for your responses, I appreciate everyone's takes on this. [Update](https://reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/8WDvrbGG9p) **Sept 18, 2023** Thank you to everyone that commented. It opened my eyes a little bit and I’m realizing more things he has done that isn’t okay or healthy. It was wrong of me to lie, but this situation and his reaction made see the not so fun side of him. Due to my parents, I’ve learned to just be a people pleaser or else I’d get called names and/or they’d stonewall me. In the past, I have dated men that have called me names or have been controlling, and I truly didn’t realize I have chosen some shitty men, until I came to Reddit where strangers pointed things out to me. Alex does this thing where he will express love towards me and compliment me, but then he’d also tell me something negative about me - for example, last week I came downstairs after getting ready for the day, he told me I looked beautiful but told me my shirt made me look fat. He’ll tell me my eyes are gorgeous but he doesn’t like how short my eyelashes are without makeup. He’s told me I am beautiful but he prefers me with foundation (I have blemish scars) and mascara. I’m realizing a lot of things now, and quite honestly it makes me uncomfortable now that I’m noticing it. We talked on Saturday, he finally told me he’s ready to talk. The conversation didn’t go well. At all. I told him again that I was sorry for lying and questioned him if one person was really holding him back from staying in a relationship with me, he told me it was a dealbreaker so he ended things. He called me a “used whore” at the end of our conversation, packed, and left to go live with his mom. I understand lying is bad and unhealthy. I still feel bad about it. I made a promise to myself to either be honest about my body count with the next person I choose to be with, or just keep my mouth shut. I will never lie about it again. I learned my lesson. This morning, Alex messaged me. Asked me if we could talk… I stupidly said yes. He came over, with flowers, chocolates, and a bottle of my favorite wine. He told me he was so sorry for how he acted and that he doesn’t want us to be over… He begged me to forgive him. I told him I need some time cause my brain just isn’t functioning properly. That seemed to upset him, cause he got sad and started to stonewall me, so I asked him to leave. He wants to come over again soon and hopes I’ll take him back. But now, I am realizing I don’t want to be with him, but I don’t want to hurt him. I hate that I’m a people pleaser, it makes this so much harder. But I don’t think I’ll continue the relationship. [Update 2](https://reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/BeopatAZXT) **Sept 20, 2023** I wasn’t sure how updates work and I’ve had so many people tell me to keep them updated and I wasn’t sure if I’m supposed to make a new post for everyone to see or what. Also I’m honesty kinda wanting to talk to someone that’s gone through something similar, because this has been a crazy week and I truly didn’t think he’d have such a crazy reaction over my body count. Has anyone experienced anything similar with their SO? But anyways, here’s the recent update: **HE MIGHT HAVE SEEN MY POST ON THIS SUBBREDDIT…** I am currently safe at my friend’s house. When she got to my house yesterday, he was still at the door. His behavior completely changed in that moment. He was just acting sad and pretending like he was just there to grab a few things, acting like he wasn’t just threatening to break the door.. I texted her from inside and told her to not talk to him and just come inside quickly. He tried to get past her when she opened the door. She grabbed his hood and pulled him back (not aggressively) and said “You need to leave or I will call the police.” He instantly backed away, caught eye contact with me, then he said “I saw your post” as he shook his head, and then my friend closed the door behind her and locked it. I just have so many more thoughts running through my head now. I have social media but I hardly share anything or post anything, and I especially haven’t since all this happened. So I know he doesn’t mean posts on Facebook. He knows I listen to THT so I’m worried he found the subreddit and saw my post and it seems like it made him even more angry. I am planning on filing for a temporary protective order today, because I’m worried he won’t stop, especially if he saw this post. I also have someone that is going over to my place to change the locks, my friend is gonna go over there while they change the locks and also grab me a few things, I’m just too nervous to go there myself right now. I truly feel like I’m ready to be on my own. I am heartbroken I started finally seeing all these red flags, but I’m also so grateful for every single one of you. You all helped me open my eyes and gave me encouragement and strength to leave, so thank you, thank you sooo much for all your kind words and advice. I’m hoping this is the last update. I will update on this post if anything else happens but I’m hoping he’ll finally leave me alone so I can move on and work more on myself. I have my first therapy appointment next month and I’m kind of excited to start my healing journey! Again, thank you everyone!! **OOP HAS UPDATED THE LAST POST SEPT 27, 2023 AFTER THE BoRU WAS POSTED** Probably my last update: Hi everyone! I have some more updates I thought I’d share with you. My last update I mentioned I’d be filing for a protective order against him, but I stupidly didn’t right away, due to work issues. Before I could file a protective order, he started sending me messages from random accounts all day. He told me he saw my post on the THT subreddit and told me I’m a cunt for posting our personal issues, and said that he’s sad people said such “horrible” things about him. I refused to respond to these messages, which seemed to make him more mad. Then he messaged me again, saying he’s sorry for his aggression and it’s just because he loves me so much.. And then later that day he sent me pictures from another random, new account. It was of him IN BED WITH ANOTHER WOMAN. His message said “No one needs you. You’re worthless. I’ve already moved on and she’s perfect. She let me take her virginity, she’s pure, unlike you.” I was in shock. But then it made me think… it makes no sense that he called me a “used whore” because of my body count, but he is okay with going and sleeping with another woman so soon, and it increases his own number.. so it’s confusing. The day I was gonna file (I planned on doing it soon after lunch, was gonna get out of work early to do it), he showed up at the cafe I usually have lunch at during my lunch break. He made a big scene, he was screaming at me, saying I should be lucky he wanted to date me, that I’m nothing to him now, and kept saying “You probably cheated on me with a bunch of men”. I told him if he didn’t leave me alone then I was going to call the police. He told me “Whatever, they won’t do shit for a whore.” So… I called the police. He left before they got there. Thankfully because he made a scene, the police understood, got witness statements, and even drove me back to work so that I felt safe, even though it was just a short walk. I left work as soon as I got back and went to file a protective order. I got a temporary protective order (ex parte order) until the hearing which is on Friday. I thankfully haven’t heard from him since our last encounter at the cafe. I am still feeling uneasy when I leave my apartment though, sometimes I wonder if he’s secretly watching me, but that could just be paranoia. We’ll see how to hearing goes. Thank you everyone! Your kind words/advice have kept me going, helped me fight for myself, you gave me the encouragement I needed to leave, so thank you. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for lying to my boyfriend about my body count?

NEW UPDATE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16ta6pz/aita_for_lying_to_my_boyfriend_about_my_body_count/

16ta8c5

**I am not The OOP's, OOP's are** u/Purple_Ad_823 & u/ThrowRA1440 **AITA for being upset about debt my girlfriend took on to help her family?** **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/HhMkcUPGAw)  **Sept 18, 2023** **Posted by** u/Purple_Ad_823 **(OOP has posted across multiple subs the exact same post)** My (33M) girlfriend (33F) and I have been together for one year and we’ve recently started talking about our financial situations in preparation for marriage in the future. I found out that my girlfriend has a 600k mortgage under her name for the family home where her and her family currently live. She co-owns the home with her brother and their family has lived there for the past 8 years. The payments for the mortgage and all other bills are paid by everyone living there, so my girlfriend only contributes about a quarter of her income to paying the loan. There is 22 years left on the mortgage and she let me know that the plan is that they would not be selling the home once we got married and she would move out of it, while the mortgage and bills will then be paid by her family who will continue living there. Her parents are both older and her mother has a disability, so she let me know that her brother and her bought the house to help their parents have a secure place to live and this house is important to keep for her family’s wellbeing. My girlfriend has no other debts aside from this mortgage and she earns a six figure salary (more than I do). She has mentioned that she is willing to work a second part-time job to help us buy our own home in the future if needed, and she also has an emergency savings, investments, and other savings to help with a future down payment. She plans to continue getting salary increases and is very hard working and ambitious, but I’m worried about the mortgage in her name. This is making me reconsider the relationship - AITA for being upset about this? **VERDICT: NO ASSHOLES HERE** **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Maddiesmydog** >Look if you love her and she loves you forget about money. It comes and it goes. You both can make more to cover bills. If she makes you happy forget about money. She’s trying to help her parents. Her intentions are good. She’s a keeper. **OOP replied** >>I know but I always wanted an expensive house and I don’t think I can get that with her so why shouldn’t I get my million dollar home? **OOP ON HIS GIRLFRIEND AND HER FAMILY** >Thanks for your help! My girlfriend is very close with her family and has had a very loving experience with them growing up, so she is of the opposite mind when it comes to these things. I think it’s something she highly values. Appreciate your perspective **TWO LAST COMMENTS FROM OOP** >No I’m not a sociopath, I just always wanted a million dollar home so why should I sacrifice that? If I leave, I might find another woman who doesn’t have debt that I can achieve my dream with * >I’m not looking for an excuse, I want to buy an expensive house so why should I not get the million dollar home I’ve always wanted? If I were to leave, maybe I would find another woman who doesn’t have this debt and can help me buy the type of property I’ve always wanted. [My boyfriend (33M) posted about wanting to dump me (33F) for debt I took on to help my family - update](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/Zu4v5kuSQV)  **Sept 20, 2023** **Posted by** u/ThrowRA1440 My boyfriend posted about wanting to dump me for taking on a mortgage to help my family. His original post can be found here: /r/PersonalFinanceCanada/s/rJNzYzi4uw As you can tell, I found his post and I have broken things off with him. I wanted to post an update to let you all know - I’m so grateful for all your comments and for everyone who provided their thoughts. Reading the post was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to go through, and this situation has caused me a lot of anxiety and worry, but I’m glad I found out. I worry that I may not ever find a partner willing to stick it out with me because of my situation, but I know I have to keep going. I’ll keep working hard and hoping that I’ll find someone who won’t ask me to compromise my values to make him happy. Thank you all so much - I appreciate you! **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for being upset about debt my girlfriend took on to help her family?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16ta8c5/aita_for_being_upset_about_debt_my_girlfriend/

16tlh5u

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/IWantSteamedHams **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole **AITA Guy I went to school with refused to say he knew me, and then got upset when he wanted something from me** Trigger Warnings: >!mental breakdown, emotional manipulation, verbal abuse!< --- &nbsp; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16dl77v/aita_guy_i_went_to_school_with_refused_to_say_he/) - **September 8, 2023** My wife and I had a new years resolution to do more hands on volunteer work this year. So me, being an IT guy, I found a group that refurbishes computers for students. I thought it was a slam dunk, sounded like an easy thing to do and it was aligned with what I do for a living. On my first day and orientation, I ran into a guy that I went to school with around 10 years ago. I spent 3 years in school with this guy and I immediately recognized him. The guy is on my LinkedIn as well, so I know him. We did projects together, there are pictures of us at graduation. I 100% know the guy. I went over to say hi and he was sort of evasive about saying anything to me. I was initially confused because I thought we were on good terms. When I said, “hey man, it’s me from school” he said he knew who I was, but apparently once graduation was done he decided to “move on” from school and be done with it. He told me he wanted to deal with adults and wanted nothing to do with people he went to school with. This was despite the fact that we were now in our thirties, so we weren’t exactly students anymore. So that kind of hurt, but whatever, I respected his decision and left him alone. There were a dozen other people there so I went about with orientation and everything. I didn't see the guy again for the rest of the day. A couple hours later when we were all done I had met a few people who were actually sociable and we decided to go across the street to a pub. I was in a good mood and told them the first round was on me because I had a good day. So we go over to the pub and that guy shows up and sits down at the table. I asked what are you doing here, I’m not buying you a drink. You don't know me. Guy called me an asshole and a bunch of other colourful language and walked away. I explained to the group I was with the situation and they were like WTF? I got an email from the event coordinator yesterday. Apparently the guy complained about me. Said I’m not a team player. Luckily, the coordinator heard my side of the story and was fine with it so I'm good, but I have to continue dealing with this guy if I continue going to volunteer. So, what the hell. I like the organization an want to continue with it. A few people have mentioned to me that I should have just bought the guy a drink, but out of principle I won't but a drink for someone who disrespects me. Am I the asshole for telling the guy to leave the table at the pub? Edit: Just for clarification, this was a college friend, not a high school friend. Edit: So I got some more info. I messaged another guy I went to school with who also knows the guy. He told me that they used to hang out a lot until around 4 years ago when out of the blue the guy just stopped talking to him. He sent him a crazy long text message basically saying the same thing that he said to me, "I moved on" and "I don't want to associate with old classmates." &nbsp; **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** &nbsp; **Relevant Comments from OOP:** *OP, At minimum this guy seems unpredictable. First he wants nothing to do with you, then sees you socializing and joins the group to buddy up. I'm not sure what to make of his behavior; he is an AH for sure. I really can't "judge" your reaction, because I would want to steer clear of the guy too. Then he tops it off by whining to the event coordinator. YIKES! Maybe mild YTA..?. You might have confronted him about his earlier comments to you when he walked up to your group. That might have been interesting.* >**OP:** In my defense, I was really hurt by his comments to me. I did presentations and projects with the guy and he refused to acknowledge that he knew me. > >I could have buried the hatchet by buying him a drink, but I don't think he would have cared. But then again, I don't want to associate with people who treat me poorly like he did. *Did he ask you to buy him a drink, or did he just join a table of people he recognized?* >**OP:** I have no idea how he ended up at the table at the pub. I have no idea who invited him. He must have seen us walking over. *Then he might have just been hanging out with coworkers dude* >**OP:** Well considering he wasn't around the group of us the entire day I doubt it. The people at the table didn't seem to know him. They were confused why I asked a stranger to leave. I had to explain what was going on to them. &nbsp; [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16nzj1d/update_aita_guy_i_went_to_school_with_refused_to/) - **September 20, 2023 (Twelve days later)** So this whole saga has been resolved. I hadn't been to the volunteer session since the whole incident happened and I was mostly over it. I contacted a few other classmates and they basically told me that the guy I had the issue with did the same thing to all of them, the only difference was that I actually ran into the guy in person so that's what made it super awkward. I emailed the event coordinator earlier today because I was interested in volunteering this weekend and next weekend and I wanted to make sure that guy wasn't already on the schedule. Turns out he was there last weekend and he had an absolute meltdown against one of the other volunteers. I don't have any specifics but apparently it was bad. They told him to leave the premises and he isn't allowed back. One of my new friends from the bar incident saw it happen and the guy just lost his mind without any provocation. I'll get more details this weekend. So I guess the issue is resolved. I am still extremely confused, but I am just going to move on. Edit: So I called the organizer this morning to see if I could find out what happened. I was afraid they weren't going to tell me because of confidentiality or something but they told me I would find out no matter what so they may as well just tell me. Apparently last weekend one of the other volunteers was talking to him and he told them he wasn't interested in talking and the volunteer called him rude. So that didn't sit well with him and a few minutes after he just starting screaming at them. He started yelling "am I being fucking rude!" over and over until he was told to leave and not come back. I'm leaning on him having some sort of mental issues but I'm not an expert so who knows. He probably needs help from someone qualified. All I know is you can't behave that way in public. &nbsp; **Relevant Comments from OOP:** *Thanks for the update - sounds like he's got something going on in his life and I doubt it's good. I'm now super curious about what the meltdown situation was!* >**OP:** I'll find out this weekend when I am there. I am absolutely baffled on what it could be, because what can you do to get fired from a volunteer gig? *That part is not his fault but this whole scenario was essentially what I'd said what could be an explanation and what made the OP an AH in my opinion on the original post.* >**OP:** I'm 99.9% sure that I had nothing to do with the incident that got the guy fired. I wasn't there for it and it involved completely different volunteers. If the guy held onto some resentment for me weeks after the incident and that got him fired, that is completely his issue. &nbsp; **Additional Comments from OOP:** >**OP:** Okay, well let me just put this to bed once and for all because you have made so many incorrect conclusions I need to say something. &nbsp; >I had not seen the guy in question for over a decade after graduation. People go their separate ways, life gets in the way, it is what it is. I was always in good standing with him during college. I worked with him on multiple projects, we always got along and since he lived in the same town as the college (I was from out of town) he had me over at his house multiple times for lunch and dinner (even over the summer) over the 3 years we went to school together. There was no bullying, this was college, not high school. If I was bullying him he would have told me to take a hike during that time. We were actually friends, we just went our separate ways after we got our piece of paper from the school. &nbsp; >When I saw him a few weeks ago I was genuinely surprised to see him since what the hell are the odds? When I went up to talk to him and he dismissed me the way he did I went through the following emotions. Confusion, a lot more confusion and frustration. He made it extremely clear that for whatever reason he did not want to speak with me, so me being the adult, I respected his decision. As confused as I was I left him alone and went about my day. That is exactly what he told me he wanted so I respected that. It definitely bothered me, but I found other things to do and moved on the best I could. &nbsp; >During that day I met other people who were actually there to socialize and we had a good time, that's why I went to the bar afterwards with them. I said in the other thread that I had no idea how he ended up at the bar. No one at the table invited him, he literally just appeared and sat down at the table while I was ordering the first round. They had no idea who he was when he sat down. They were surprised as hell when the next thing happened. &nbsp; >Out of absolute bewilderment that he was just sitting there after saying those absolutely insane things to me earlier I reacted the only way I could think, I told him to get up from the table and leave. I wasn't rude about it, I basically said "dude, go away." He then unloaded a bunch of bad language against me. He then complained to the event organizer that I had done something wrong. Fortunately, they were on my side, and because the incident happened outside of their place they kind of didn't care. &nbsp; >If he wanted to try and take back what he said and reverse his decision he should have made an effort to do it earlier, without an audience. He knew where I was all day, I hadn't gone anywhere, I was in the same building as him for hours. I don't know how I would have reacted to that, but since it never happened I got nothing. &nbsp; >After that I reached out to some former classmates and they basically told me similar stories. That guy just picked a day and cut them all off for no reason whatsoever. One on them hung out with him for over 5 years and then cut him off with no warning. If bullying was involved why would he hang out with those people for years? &nbsp; >I think the guy had made the decision thinking he wasn't ever going to run into another former classmate again and him running into me just threw him off. &nbsp; >But anyways, after that incident with me I had no contact with him. I have no way to contact him. The closest thing I have is LinkedIn and I haven't heard anything. &nbsp; >The incident last weekend had nothing to do with me. I wasn't there, I was nowhere in the area when in happened. I reached out to the organizer to find out if he was going to be there the next few weekends because I didn't want the drama to deal with him. That is when I found it he got fired. &nbsp; >He got himself fired from the volunteer gig, not me. He decided to start yelling at another volunteer after he felt disrespected or whatever set him off. If being told he was rude was enough to set him off it was probably just a matter of time before he went off on someone. &nbsp; >You can't look at someone and know if they have mental issues. If that is the issue I am not at fault for not knowing that. People don't just hand you a card saying they have mental issues. I certainly didn't have enough time to figure that out, our interactions lasted less than 5 minutes total. &nbsp; >Here is the interesting thing, at no point in this whole saga have I ever laughed at him. Where is that coming from? Can you please link a comment where I said I laughed at him? I also never said this was all about me, half of the issues were completely independent of me. He got himself fired when I wasn't there. I genuinely feel sorry and sympathy for him, I also feel a lot of confusion because of it. I would try and reach out and get an answer but I don't have the ability to contact him and he made it clear at the initial meetup that he doesn't want that. I'm also in my 30s now and I don't really need to deal with this anymore, so I consider the matter as resolved as it is going to get. >Do you have something you need to tell the class? Because you are projecting like crazy. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster**

AITA Guy I went to school with refused to say he knew me, and then got upset when he wanted something from me

CONCLUDED

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16tlh5u/aita_guy_i_went_to_school_with_refused_to_say_he/

16tqpqb

&#x200B; I’m not the OP. That is u/Popular-Law-2601 but the account was deleted. The update was made by OOP's new account u/Popular_Law6381. **Trigger Warning:** >!gaslighting, grooming, sexual harassment, domestic violence, emotional and physical abuse, murder threats, victim blaming, mention of homophobia!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!bittersweet!< &#x200B; **AITA for not wanting to be around my partner's brother anymore? - september 15th** [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16jmoq0/aita\_for\_not\_wanting\_to\_be\_around\_my\_partners/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16jmoq0/aita_for_not_wanting_to_be_around_my_partners/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) &#x200B; We're all male. My partner and I are gay. His younger brother is straight. They are very close and his brother spends a lot of time at our house or we at his. We've been together for 8 years but I've known them for longer. I always got along with his brother but for some time he's been acting weird. At first I didn't really notice anything. A little over a year ago he started touching me more. Nothing inappropriate but almost every time he's close to me. If I'm walking by he'd pull me to his side or he'd start playing with my hair. Lately he also started pulling me into his lap or coming up behind me and putting his arms around me. He also sometimes makes comments about how I look. I know that none of this is really a big deal or anything that could be called inappropriate but sometimes it makes me uncomfortable. I brought it up to my partner but he said he didn't notice anything and that I could just be overreacting. I thought he could be right because I'm close to finishing uni so I'm more stressed than usual. I had brushed it off until 2 days ago. My laptop broke down while I was trying to finish an important paper and my partner had his at work with him. I asked his brother if I could borrow his laptop and he came by to drop it off. I finished the paper yesterday evening and downloaded it. I somehow messed up and accidently put it in some random folder. I had titled it "\[my name\] \[title of paper\]" so I typed my name in the search bar. My paper did show up but there was also another folder with my name on it. I know this will probably make me the asshole to a lot of people but I was curious so I opened it. It was filled with pictures. Most of them were pictures we took over the years with me and other people in it but a few of them made me feel sick. Most of the pictures were harmless but between the normal pictures there would be some of me sleeping or changing. Some were just me playing with my dog but taken from a strange angle that made it seem like someone was trying to take a picture without being noticed. I had to stop looking because my hands started shaking and I felt like I couldn't breathe. My partner came home shortly after and I showed him what I found. I told him I don't want his brother around me anymore. I won't keep them from seeing each other but I didn't want to be there for it. He looked at me like I'm insane. He tried to calm me down but wouldn't listen to what I said. He just kept repeating that I should stop being so childish and that none of what I was saying was a reason for me to not want him around. He said I shouldn't have found those pictures anyway and that I should know better than to snoop through other people's things. I didn't really know what else to say because he kept talking over me and trying to twist my words. I slept in the guest bedroom and haven't seen him before he went to work. He'll be home soon and I know he'll expect an apology for how I acted but I still feel sick thinking about it. Did I really overreact? Edit: When my partner came home we had another talk. I see now that I was making a big deal out of nothing. My partner explained that he knew about the pictures and had taken some of them himself. He tried to explain it to me yesterday but I was too hysteric to understand what he was saying. I'm sorry for wasting your time. &#x200B; **Comments:** &#x200B; OOP posted this in reply to some comments: I talked to my partner yesterday and it turns out the situation is different than what I thought. I see now that I was making a big deal out of nothing. My partner explained that he knew about the pictures and had taken some of them himself. He tried to explain it to me yesterday but I was too hysteric to understand what he was saying. I'm sorry for wasting your time. &#x200B; *Your partner is gaslighting you. You are not being hysterical, there is no reason your partner’s brother should have a folder with pics of you sleeping. And he shouldn’t be touching you like that. The whole situation is really, really wrong and your partner is manipulating you into thinking it’s ok.* &#x200B; OOP: I was just being stupid. If my partner agrees that his brother can have the pictures it's not my place to deny it to him. I should've listened to him from the beginning, I'm sorry &#x200B; *But they're pictures of you. You didn't even know they existed.* &#x200B; OOP: I wasn't supposed to know about them. If I hadn't snooped through his private folders this wouldn't have happened. I shouldn't have caused so much trouble &#x200B; — &#x200B; *NTA* *Little brother is not straight and is creeping on you. If it were just the pictures, I'd have said something similar to someone else's comments: then since you were already snooping it would make sense to quickly see if he's got folders with pictures of other family members.* *But there's playing with your hair, being all touchy-feely, complimenting your looks. No matter what sex and orientation, if I wasn't in a relationship with someone I wouldn't put my arms around them unless they were offering a hug, and I definitely wouldn't play with their hair.* &#x200B; OOP: Maybe I put too much importance on that, I'm sorry. He used to do that when I first lived with them in a kind of teasing way but when I got older he stopped until some time ago &#x200B; — &#x200B; *> I know that none of this is really a big deal or anything that could be called inappropriate* *In what world is what you said appropriate behaviour toward someone else's boyfriend? It's not and whoever said it was is dead wrong. Your partner is blind and weirdly too okay with this going on between you and his brother – especially after expressing your discomfort.* *I can't believe your partner is dismissing you for having a problem with his brother's weird obsession. He gaslit the fuck out of you when you were freaked out and trying to explain yourself and twisted it to make you feel guilty and in the wrong.* *I'd get away from them both ASAP.* *NTA* &#x200B; OOP: I moved in with them before my partner and I started dating. He used to do things like that all the time when I was younger so it's not really something unsual. I didn't even realize he'd started doing it again at first. It kind of feels different now but that could just be me being dramatic &#x200B; — &#x200B; *You keep saying the situation isn't what you thought. So then, what is the situation? What did your partner explain to you that makes this all okay?* &#x200B; OOP: He explained that he knew about the pictures and that he doesn't have a problem with it. He also took some of them and gave them to his brother. That means he doesn't have a problem with it. If he agrees with it then I don't have the right to deny him &#x200B; *So he may have also given him permission to grope you without your consent... No one has the right to decide for you who can have your photos or anything else .... These 2 brothers are perverts and you are their victim* &#x200B; OOP: My partner took the pictures so he can decide who he wants to give them to. I'm not a victim. I was being stupid and blew this out of proportions. &#x200B; — &#x200B; *Info: how old are you?* &#x200B; OOP: I’m 26 &#x200B; *You said you lived with them 10 years ago. Did you move in when you were 16? Also, how old are your partner and his brother* &#x200B; OOP: I came out to my parents when I was 17 and they kicked me out. I've known my partner and his brother for a long time so I moved in with them &#x200B; *How old were they when you moved in with them, OP?* *Edit: I ask because you mention elsewhere that they built the house 20 years ago, and it’s setting off alarm bells a little, in that it seems that they were both very interested in you when you came to them for shelter at 17, going by how long you and your partner have been together and your age in the photos.* *For your original ask, YNTA in any shape or form.* *Your partner and his brother, absolutely.* &#x200B; OOP: I've known them since I was 10/11. They were pretty much the only people I could go to so I asked if I could live with them. I talked to my partner yesterday and it turns out the situation is different than what I thought. I see now that I was making a big deal out of nothing. My partner explained that he knew about the pictures and had taken some of them himself. He tried to explain it to me yesterday but I was too hysteric to understand what he was saying. I'm sorry for wasting your time. &#x200B; ***In the same thread:*** &#x200B; *INFO: how old is your partner and his brother?* &#x200B; OOP: My partner is 41 and his brother is 37. I've known them since I was 10/11 so I didn't think it was important I talked to my partner yesterday and it turns out the situation is different than what I thought. I see now that I was making a big deal out of nothing. My partner explained that he knew about the pictures and had taken some of them himself. He tried to explain it to me yesterday but I was too hysteric to understand what he was saying. I'm sorry for wasting your time. &#x200B; *So you were 18 and he was 33 when you started dating? And he’s known you since you were 10/11…* *you weren’t making a big deal out of nothing. It made you uncomfortable. Just bc he is comfortable with it does not mean your discomfort is invalid. Your emotions are valid and worth more than you are giving them credit. His feelings are not worth more than your own even though he’s helped you so much. I’m so sorry you are in this position. I wish you all the best. Good luck love.* &#x200B; The account was deleted but a week ago OOP commented an update from a new account u/Popular_Law6381. &#x200B; **UPDATE - september 20th** [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16jmoq0/comment/k1alm5g/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16jmoq0/comment/k1alm5g/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) &#x200B; Hey, it's OP. I had to delete my account but I wanted to update you on the situation. When I made this post I fully expected to be told that I was in the wrong and to stop turning it into such a big issue. Your positive response was a bit overwhelming and I'm sorry if I offended anyone with my responses. My partner ended up seeing the post and he wasn't happy about it. He made me delete the account and "punished" me for making him look bad in front of strangers. It took me until this morning for your words to truly sink in so I just accepted it. I'm currently in the hospital after I had to beg him to go. I had surgery immediately and will be released tomorrow. I won't go back to him. He basically confirmed everything you said but I was too stupid to realize it. After "punishing" me he literally said "this time you're lucky, next time I'll kill you" I have a friend at uni that my partner doesn't know about. He'll pick me up and help me get my important things from my partner's house while he's at work. I'll also be staying with him for a while. I'm still scared that he'll somehow find out but even if that happens I'll have somebody with me. I really hope this update gets posted, because I want to thank everybody who took the time to comment on my first post and even provided me with resources. I'm sorry it took so long for me to realize that you were right &#x200B; **OOP made a post on his profile after receiving your messages and comments** **Thank you for your messages - september 28th** https://reddit.com/u/Popular_Law6381/s/1zJMf3gGHo This morning I woke up to a bunch of messages and comments. I haven't managed to read and reply to all of them yet but I promise that I will. It wasn't my intention to make anyone worry about me. My partner doesn't use social media. He thought by making me delete the account it would automatically delete the post as well. I'm safe now. I was released from the hospital last week and my friend and his roommate came with me to collect my things. My partner came home while I was looking for my important documents. He tried to stop me from leaving but they protected me. I'm staying with them until I'm better. I'm very grateful to them because we don't actually know each other that well. I called him a friend but it's more like just someone I know. We had to do a group project last semester and would talk from time to time. I've never been good at making friends. He peobably is the closest thing I have to a friend which is pretty pathetic when I think about it. I'm really thankful that he believed me and is helping me. Once again, thank you for your messages. Sometimes it still feels weird and there is a lot going on in my head that is probably wrong but I'm getting better

OOP asks if he is the asshole for not wanting to be around his boyfriend's brother anymore

CONCLUDED

blackbeardsdaughter2

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16tqpqb/oop_asks_if_he_is_the_asshole_for_not_wanting_to/

16tvwrx

Fun Fact To Cover Spoilers: The largest college campus in the world is Berry College which is located in Rome, Georgia. The school is a private liberal arts school on 27,000 acres of land. CW: >!Child Abuse, Affairs, Parentification, Ableism, Substance Abuse Mention !< Mood Spoilers: >!Hopeful for OOP and Her Dad!< *I am not the OOP, that would be* u/throwaway_sh1tmom \- [**I will never speak to my mom or sister again once I turn 18.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/y7bfxn/i_will_never_speak_to_my_mom_or_sister_again_once/) **(Originally Posted October 18th, 2022)** This is purely a rant, you can call me a monster I don't care. Previous post got deleted for some reason. I (17f) will never speak to my mom or sister again on my next birthday. Growing up my parents were great. That was until my mom threw it all away and decided to cheat on my dad. My dad divorced and the affair baby, my sister (10f) was soon born. I was 7 at the time. In the court, my mom somehow managed to get full custody. I think she played dirty and brought up past issues my dad used to have. He had a substance abuse problem before I was born. My dad doesn't really say anything bad about my mom however, he says that there is nothing he can do and we just have to work with it for now and wait till I'm 18. I see my dad once a week on the weekend and I get to spend 1 week a year with him every Summer. But I am stuck with my mom the majority of the time. My sister is profoundly disabled, to the point where she requires assistance for everything. She is useless. Since she was born, all my time outside of school has been dedicated to her. I stopped learning the piano, going to friend's house, playing basketball because I had to help her. I have been wearing the same clothes at home for the past three years since my sister has priority over everything. Dinner; only once she eats. I don't know why I call her my sister her, should be half-sister, but she is not even worth that. My dad used to pay a lot more child support than required for the first two years after the divorce but 90% of the money went to my sister so he stopped and started paying the minimum- still only 10% goes to me. I don't blame him for this, why should he support an affair baby. He tried to take my mom to court about not using the child support correctly but it was unsuccessful. Only in the past three months have I managed to get a bit of time to myself without having to take care of the affair child when I'm not at school. I told my mom I had to spend a couple of extra hours after school three days a week, she initially refused but she accepted only because I told her I needed it to prepare to get into a good college so I could get a good job to take care of my sister. I lied. Instead I go to my best friend's house. Her parents are super understanding. My mom doesn't even care enough to even check if I'm at school. I also go to my dad's best friend's house every day, sometimes just for 5 minutes. Because I don't have sufficient equipment at home, and if I take it home from my dad my mom will sell it for some new thing for my sister, my dad leaves all my stuff at his friend's house which is 10 minutes away from where I live. Every day before and after school I go there to change and get stuff and his family have also helped me with my college preparation. I have found a college near my dad's house which he will pay for and will let me live there. My mom knows nothing about this. She thinks I am going to a college close to home and will continue to look after my sister with her. She is oblivious but then again, even if I made it obvious at home she wouldn't notice. I will be free in 2 weeks and I will live at my dad's friend's house until school finishes and then I will move to my dad's since it is far from school. I will never speak to my mom or sister again after that. I can't wait to spend more time with my dad and his family. I have a step-brother who is the same age who is amazing and we will go to college together. He actually makes me feel happy and I like spending time with him. My dad's friend has bought a small electric piano so I can play it once I go there and we have found a basketball club for me to join. It will be great. I won't be burdened by my sister again. You can call me a monster since she 'didn't ask for this life' but I don't care. I didn't ask to have to take care of her. My life has value too. Just because she suffers doesn't mean I have to so that the playing field is levelled. My dad is amazing. He also won't have to be financially responsible for a child that isn't his once he stops paying child support for supposedly me. My mom and sister will probably struggle enormously, they might even go homeless. I don't care. I will not know them in a fortnight, but it's not like they know me or really care about me. I'm just a slave to them. I hate my sister, not for what she is, which is nothing, but for ruining my childhood. I hate my mom more. I hope she becomes homeless and a more worthy family can live in the home. Not this abuser. I will be free in 14 days. I am currently at my dad's friend's house right now, he and his wife are more like parents to me than my mom is. They actually ask about my dad and care about my feelings. I am lucky to have such great people on my dad's side. There is no one on my mom's side. She had no siblings was outcast from the rest of her family when she cheated and didn't abort the baby. None of them wanted to have to deal with my sister. If they didn't do that, I might have had a childhood. But at least now my mom will have to deal with the consequences of her adultery herself and can't enslave anyone else. I don't blame my mom's family for abandoning her, they're quite clever for recognising early on that my mom would just rely on them all the time. My dad isn't just the 'fun' dad who get to look great. He actually cares about me. When I'm sick at school and I needed to get picked up he would drive and hour to do it or get his friend to do it. My mom couldn't do it since she was busy or needed a rest after looking after my sister. My happiest moments in the last 7 years have all been away from my mom and sister and I will be able to have that all the time soon. My dad has organised therapy sessions for me to help me settle. He's also organised a trip for 2 weeks during one of the holidays which will just be between me and him since we've missed out on a lot because of my mom. I hope she suffers. \- **Relevant Comments** *In response to a now deleted comment* OOP: (*Referring to her sister)* She's responsible for taking away my childhood. I have never got to have a hobby, or do anything fun since sue was born. My day simply consisted of waking up, helping my sister, going to school, coming straight back and helping her again. Before my dad's friend started helping me I lost some weight because I could only eat after she was satisfied. My mom has not stepped up for me, for my sister yes but not for me. She doesn't even bother talking to me or asking how my day went. My dad doesn't care about how I talk about my sister. He knows that she is the affair baby who still impacts him as almost all the child support he pays for me basically goes to her. He tells me not to talk about her badly which I don't do except here. But I hate her for what she's caused. I don't hate her for the person she is but I don't care about her. She's ruined my life and I will soon be free from her \- >Reading at first, I though, My Gosh, awful kid!... BUT as I kept reading, My thought was.... You didnt have your sister, it shouldn't be up to you to provide her care! > >Start collecting things NOW, if you havent started, while some things are easy to replace, its a Huge pain in the butt, and time consuming, Leave them in a trusted place, or even better send them to your dads! via mail, then you can honestly say, You have no idea where they are, technically, you wont know where he put them! > >Start counseling, You seem to have a good strong head on your shoulders, but even the strongest branches need support at times, > >As for your sister, she didnt ask to be born, where is her Bio dad? is he paying child support for her? she isnt going to understand why you arent around, and I do feel bad for her about that... But I also understand you have had so much responsibility piled on top of you, that you want to walk away cleanly.... who knows maybe one day, you will want to see her, maybe not, but dont slam that door completely, shut it, walk away, but know it can be opened again, ON YOUR TERMS. > >I wish you luck and much happiness in your new life, youve earned and deserve all the happiness OOP: I don't know much about the bio dad, I don't think he is paying anything, it doesn't seem like it. From what I know, he basically vanished after the affair. \- >I have no major advice or anything OP but listen to the people in the comments about important documents and heirlooms. I know you are full of anger, but be smart and strategic here too so you won’t be able to be caught up again. I truly wish you good luck on everything and hope you pursue your goals and passions. See this new chapter of your life as a rebirth OOP: Thanks for the advice and the people telling me about preparation. I have already transferred important things, my mom does not care enough to notice anything wrong. \- >Still odd. Like after a certain age YOURE allowed to choose which parent you want to live with OOP: My dad tried to but they came up with some bullshot about not disrupting the family unit and the fact that I was settled in my school and my dad lived an hour ago. I was never outright given the choice to live there. Maybe if I ran away it might have worked out differently. >Did your mom shut it down or the court? OOP: Both, it was the only time my mom even pretended to give a shit about me. \- In response to a removed comment: OOP: I won't experience the life my mom has because I will love all my children, not just one. And I'm sorry to say but my dad does want me. I don't care about the affair itself but she is an affair baby, thats the truth. I care about the affair because it means I have had to take care of the product of it. Its not so simple, if I continued to live my life, I for one would have been punished by my mom and also would be responsible for anything that happens to my sister since I was told to look after her and even though i hate her I'm not going to be responsible for something bad happening. I couldn't just leave, my dad tried to get me to move but the courts just ruled in my mom's favour. I never expected her to abort a baby and never mentioned that. I know the child support is a considerable amount and this is because she has full custody of me, yet most of it goes to taking care of my sister. I have not had new clothes, new school equipment for three years at my mom's and the child support is supposed to cover that. Luckily my dad has sucked it up and paid extra for me to have necessary equipment stored at his friend's house. He also won't have to support a stranger from now on. even if I don't deserve anyone, I will have lots of people My proper family are thousand times the people my mom is. >You will if you have a disabled child. 🤷‍♀️ or a child who behaves like you OOP: I'll still make to sure to show them love, and I won't make on be a babysitter so they won't behave like me. This situation is entirely my mom's creation so I don't feel sorry for her one bit. She chose this and to push her difficult life which she created onto others \- [**UPDATE I will never speak to my mom or sister again once I turn 18**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/y7bfxn/i_will_never_speak_to_my_mom_or_sister_again_once/) **(Originally Posted November 6th, 2022)** Hi everyone, people asked for an update once I turned 18 so here it is, albeit a few days late. I'd like to start off by thanking everyone who gave support and advice on collecting documents, it means a lot. To others who messaged asking for explicit pictures when I turned 18 and those who said that they hoped my dad would abandon me, I'm sorry but neither of those will be happening. At midnight, I left my mom's house and went to my dad's friend. I just left a note in the kitchen for my mom. I won't be seeing her or her daughter again. I went to my dad's friend's house and my dad decided to surprise me and come with my step-mom, step-brother and half-sister. They were waiting for me and we had a small celebration with some cake. My dad excused me from school which they understood and did the same for my siblings and we went to his house for the second half of the week. I'm just going back now for tomorrow. The last few days have been great. We went to a theme park and did loads of stuff in the area. I had my first therapy session yesterday which was ok but it was a bit difficult to open up. I also had a piano lesson yesterday. My half-sister who is only 5 can already play some scales so she sits beside me and we play together when I practice. Her smile is so cute when everyone is clapping. My dad is going to come to his friend's house tomorrow and spend a few days there with me. I blocked my mom when I left so I haven't been bothered by her but she has been blowing up my dad and step-mom's phone demanding money to take care of her daughter which obviously they won't give. She will actually have to step up to take care of her daughter without pawning all the responsibility onto others. She threatened to sue my dad for parental alienation and find a way to get money and then sent voice notes of her daughter so my dad just blocked her. If she contacts him again with a different number he will go speak to his lawyer. I also want to mention how supportive my step-mom has been. I haven't really mentioned her enough since I've just been so excited to be with my dad again, but she has been equally as helpful. Unfortunately I can't be adopted since my mom is still alive. Even though it doesn't mean much since I'm legally an adult now, it would really mean a lot to her. I need to think of something to show my appreciation for her as well, I've been a bit too invested with my dad the past few days. Finally, just another thank you to everyone. I have felt happy the past week. \- **Relevant Comments** >I'm going to make a suggestion that you should call CPS for your disabled half sister. Explain that the primary care giver has left and that she may not be being taken care of and probably requires monitoring for a while. > >While obviously you have no requirement to do so please remember that your shitty situation was due to your awful mother, not the 10 year old half sister and she doesn't deserve to starve or be neglected. OOP: My mom won't neglect her. She loves her too much. Now that she can't leech of my dad she will make a big fuss all over social media. She already has started. She's spun some sob story about how my dad alienated her from me and is getting tons of support. My dad is taking her to court now. But if it all goes bad, she won't hesitate to call CPS herself, she's done it before to get me to come back from holiday with my dad. >That's fair enough. I made the suggestion because a couple of things you mentioned made it seem like she is dependent on her financial benefits and wasn't all that interested in physical care. Usually CPS can monitor but don't tend to separate parent and child unless there is a significant concern for the child's welfare. OOP: I think she'll manage. She just won't be able to indulge in luxuries like before. For example for dinner she would buy loads of different meals every day. My sister would have a bit of it, drool over it and then not like it so she then eats a different thing. She would get like 6 plates of different food for her and tell me to eat the leftovers which had spit all over them. She'll have to actually try and manage things properly now. \- *OOP then posted on* r/AmItheAsshole *about her mom though the post was removed but archived in the comments* [**AITA for refusing to send money to my mom or her daughter.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/110nprk/aita_for_refusing_to_send_money_to_my_mom_or_her/) **(Originally Posted Febuary 12th, 2023)** Hi everyone, I'm 18. Background: My parents divorced when I was 10. My mom cheated on my dad and my half-sister was born with severe disabilities. My mom used my dad's past, long before I was born, to get custody of me. Life was hell for the next 7 years for me. I basically gave up everything for my half-sister, I never could spend time with friends because I had to look after my sister. Everything my dad bought me was sold by mom so she could buy stuff for my sister. I was denied food at home. My sister would drool all over her food and refuse to eat it then so I had to give her my portion and eat her saliva-ridden food which I refused to do. As a result of these things as well as many other, I moved out as soon as I was 18 3 months ago and haven't spoken to them since. My mom is really struggling now, especially with the extortionate child support my dad to pay, although it wasn't ever used for me. She recently tried to take my dad to court for parental alienation and my dad countersued and won with all the evidence of her misuse of child support and her attempts to actually carry out parental alienation so she had to pay my dad a significant sum. Therefore she is struggling even more now. She's gone on Facebook showing pictures of my 'starving sister' and my dad and I are getting barrages of messages from random people saying we should support them and we were once a family. I've told them all to f off but I spoke to my friends and they said I should just tell my dad to give her some money as its cruel to my half-sister. But I don't think it's fair to my dad to have to give his ex-wife money for the person who broke his marriage and my mom has only herself to blame, especially after she wasted her own money on a frivolous lawsuit which backfired. My dad was prepared to let it go until my mom did that. AITA? *No verdict was reached before being removed but most comments said NTA.* \- *Marked as concluded as OOP no longer living with her mom and is able to get independence.*

I will never speak to my mom or sister again once I turn 18.

CONCLUDED

boru_posts

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16tvwrx/i_will_never_speak_to_my_mom_or_sister_again_once/

16u056l

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/SeanMc96 **My (27M) ex-girlfriend (26F) wants to try again** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!PPD, child neglect, verbal abuse!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15rvb08/my_27m_exgirlfriend_26f_wants_to_try_again/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug. 15, 2023** My ex-girlfriend and I first got together six years ago and from day one, we got on like two peas in a pod. Then after two and a half years together, she fell pregnant. We had spoken about kids before and we both wanted a family but not after just two years together. We spoke about it a lot, asked a few of our friends that already have kids and eventually decided to go for it. We also agreed that even if our relationship doesn't last, our child's wellbeing would always come first. Right before the lockdown in 2020, three weeks before the due date, we welcomed a perfect little girl and both of us were completely infatuated. It was a big adjustment but our girl was an angel and we settled into parenthood rather quickly. Everything was going great at first but three months later, it all changed. I was working late when I got a text from my mother to tell my mum girlfriend dropped our daughter off with her while she ran some errands but four hours later, she hadn't returned and now she wasn't answering her phone. I called too but she didn't answer me either. I got out of work, collected my daughter and went home to find a note from my girlfriend. She said that she couldn't handle the stress of lockdown and the baby and she just needed some time to clear her head. She also said not to call and that we would talk soon but days turned to weeks with no contact from her or anyone else other than her sister who visited her niece often but never mentioned my girlfriend. Fast forward three years and my ex-girlfriend is slowly starting to reach out again. It was slow at first, liking photos of our girl on Instagram and the odd comment but that was it until last week. She sent me a text saying that she had seen how well our daughter and I are doing and asking if we could meet up. I was reluctant but we agreed before our daughter was born that her wellbeing is what mattered the most so reluctantly, I agreed to meet for a coffee so she can see our girl but I'm having second thoughts. How do I forgive her for walking out on me and more importantly, on our daughter? [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/160wthp/update_my_27m_exgirlfriend_26f_wants_to_try_again/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 25, 2023** As agreed, my ex and I met up a few days ago in a local cafe and I got there early to try and work out what I was going to say to her after three years. While I hadn't mentioned it in my original post, I had no intention of bringing our daughter along (my ex had contact numbers of my family members so she was with a co-worker) and when my ex arrived, she was a little disappointed but not all that surprised to see I was alone. The next few minutes mainly consisted of small talk before we eventually addressed the enormous elephant in the room. Where she had been hiding for three years of our daughtrs life? She admitted that she'd had suffered a lot with post partum depression and she couldn't bear to show it in front of our girl. She acknowledged that leaving the way she did was wrong but she wanted to be able to focus solely on herself while she got therapy. I asked why it took her three years to resurface (she sent a text for our daughter's first birthday but that was it) and she broke down admitting that she was so scared of what I thought of her for disappearing. In a way she was right to be scared because while I could come to terms with being dumped, I was furious because she left our daughter. Throughout our conversation, I could tell she's grown a lot as a person over the last few years which is something. We spoke for well over an hour and when I finally got up to leave, she asked where we stood. I told her that I appreciate that she's been really trying to turn over a new leaf but it's going to take time for me to fully move on but as a show of good faith, I showed her a video of our girl. It's about six/seven months old but it's my favourite. (It's her and one of my dad's cows mooing at each other) Just before I left, I got her phone number so we can maintain a bit of proper contact rather than through social media and I agreed to send her a couple of photos of our girl. I appreciate all the advice I got last time and I'm wondering where my ex and I go from here? My hope is that we can coexist and maintain a healthy friendship for our daughter's sake but after what happened before, it's hard to fully trust my ex. What do you guys think Side note: Two things I didn't mention to my ex. • I have zero intentions of rekindling our relationship. I'm open to co-parenting if she can prove she's not going to pull another disappearing act but that's it. I really loved her once but I'm a different person now and that ship has well and truly sailed. • At one point, I considered putting our girl up for adoption. She was about nine months at the time, I was mentally and emotionally drained, work was stressing me out and coming home to my daughter just didn't give me any joy as much as I love her. I was going through the process but one night, I looked in at her in her cot, she looked back at me and the look on her little face. A cute little smile and her blue eyes shining like I was her whole world. It told me that things would get better so I cancelled the adoption and never looked back. [Update 2](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/DuPwADrVoP) **Sept 20, 2023** It's been a few weeks so I thought I'd give another update regarding progress with my ex. First off, thanks to everyone for the advice and support. It's been such a huge help. So, down to business. Per my ex's request, I accompanied her to a session with her therapist and she reassured me that she and my ex have made good progress but she still has some issues to work through. Specify, her relationship with her parents. She told me they separated and her mother had a temper but I didn't know how bad it really was. After the session, my ex left and I hung on for a minute to ask her therapist for her opinion regarding reintroducing my daughter to my ex. She recommended holding off for now and offered me a free session to talk about it so I'm going to see her next week. On a more positive note, my daughter started preschool two weeks ago, is already making friends and has been absolutely loving life. And I sent my ex a few photos of our girl to show some support so things are looking up. Thanks again to everyone that has commented so far. The support I got has been incredible. Makes the struggle of raising a child alone a little better 😇 **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My (27M) ex-girlfriend (26F) wants to try again

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16u056l/my_27m_exgirlfriend_26f_wants_to_try_again/

16u0ctx

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/aita-rage in r/amitheasshole** trigger warnings: >!abuse!< mood spoilers: >!very sad!< --- &nbsp; [**AITA for telling my wife that I didn't care about her feelings?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/167n3n4/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_didnt_care_about/) - September 1 2023 sockpuppet account for obvious reasons. my wife and I are in our mid-30s. We've been together since 2014, married since 2019. No kids. about ~4 times per year, my wife has what I can only describe as a rage attack. She has an (untreated) disorder that causes her emotional regulation issues, and she sees a therapist (though not a psychiatrist). They are very frustrating to me. She is functionally "unreachable" as she goes through them, and she just... gets mad. At me, obviously, but just everything in her life, no matter if it makes sense or not. It's like her amygdala just freaks the fuck out at a tiny thing (mild conflicting opinion from me, or not being able to find her phone, etc) and pumps out anger hormones. she returns to a baseline afterwards, apologizes earnestly and honestly, and returns to her normal self. Her normal self has big emotions too, but I almost enjoy them - I don't feel emotions as deeply as her, so it's nice to feel along with her, if that makes sense. three nights ago, she had one. We had a little disagreement, so I went into the kitchen, and she threw something at the wall and started just *yelling*. She wouldn't let me leave the kitchen. Again there is no reasoning with her when this happens, words mean nothing. I escaped, told her to go to bed, cleaned up the mess she made, and that was "that". The next day, she came home from work and started apologizing, and I told her that I wasn't really willing for this to happen again, and she has to take action to prevent this from happening. We kept talking and a couple minutes later she said, "I feel really bad, you know" and my response was **"right now, I don't care how you feel. I'm telling you this can't keep going on."** we dropped it and moved on. a couple hours ago, she brought up that it was hurtful that I told her I didn't care about her feelings, but I think that's a pretty reasonable way to respond when I was on the floor of our condo cleaning up her rage choices the night before. AITA? **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE.** &nbsp; [**I [36m] feel like I am quiet quitting my marriage to my wife [34f] and it is heartbreaking.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/16lcg2e/i_36m_feel_like_i_am_quiet_quitting_my_marriage/) - September 17 2023 I am sorry for this random throwaway account. you can go through my history to get the whole picture (I think aita has a save of my post there) but the long and short of it is that my wife has a rage incident probably four times a year. she just sees red. The most recent one, two weeks ago, she launched a full can into the wall. the rest of the time, she is as sweet as can be. I gave her one last chance to fix her behavior. And I mean it. but the problem is that "meaning it" means I have to prepare to enforce that boundary if it ever happens again. and I'm just sad about it. I'm doing the internal emotional work to make sure I won't fold if it comes to it. that I'll actually walk. she's a wonderful wife. she's my best friend. we do everything together. she makes me laugh. but I look at her now and I know that there's a chance I'll have to leave her to protect myself, and it makes me feel so distant from her. I know she's noticed. I'm usually a very outgoing person and I've been more withdrawn. I know she feels bad and sorry. should I give her this context? would that be overkill, like I'm still punishing her even after I accepted her apology and told her she had one more chance? or should I continue to work through my feelings on my own? tldr I'm being distant from my wife and I want to know if I should tell her why.

AITA for telling my wife that I didn't care about her feelings?

ONGOING

Gwyrstotzka

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16u0ctx/aita_for_telling_my_wife_that_i_didnt_care_about/

16u5she

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/utkarshari](https://www.reddit.com/user/utkarshari/). He posted in r/AITAH. **Mood Spoiler:** >!weird overall, but happy ending!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16m452f/aita_for_leading_a_woman_on_by_being_nice_to_her/)**: September 18, 2023** This happened a few days ago and has completely blown up in my face. I (M32) was out with friends and it was one of those situations where people showed up with their friends and it was a blend of different friend groups. It was a courtyard cafe so our tables were close by and we were all occupying a good chunk of the place. I don't make new friends easily so I was just focusing on my coffee and talking to my friend Katja (F 35) when her friend Marit (F 30) Joined our table with her colleague. She is a cute woman with smart looks and a brilliant smile. We started talking and it was your usual "what's your favourite" kind of topic. We were discussing cartoons, movies and books. Apparently, we are both dorks who hide our dorkiness really well. Then something unique happened, we recognised that we had an audience. Katja and Marit's colleagues were busy with themselves but there was a kid (m, age unknown) sitting with us listening to our conversation and we noticed him when he chimed in with his own favourite show "Steven's Universe". At first, we looked at each other and then the kid and then again at each other and laughed. It was so interesting that he had pushed his chair from the adjacent table to our table and decided to join our conversation. So we started talking to him and asked him about his life, friends and school, typical stuff. I saw his mother smile at us from the table so she approved of all this. She was a friend of one of my friends and remained busy with her group. Over the next hour, we basically talked to each other and the kid and Marit slid her chair a bit closer to me and we were subtly flirting with each other. When it was time to leave we exchanged contacts and decided to meet again the next day to see where things go (We are both single and share many interests). The kid's mom let's call her Brianna (Age unknown) came over and we just exchanged some pleasant greetings she described how great the kid was and we all agreed. We all went our separate ways. I did give Marit a hug before leaving. The next day I got a message from one of my friends saying how rude I was to Brianna and that if I was not interested in her, I should not have gotten her hopes up. I was surprised because Brianna and I did not talk for more than 15 minutes and I never showed any interest in her. I never flirted and I did not notice if she was flirting either (not surprising because that is one of my blind spots). I replied that I did not know what this was about but I definitely did no such thing. I had plans with Marit that evening so I kind of forgot about this and hoped that it would resolve on it's own. I went out with her and biked together to her home (common in the Netherlands), and by the time I reached my place, I noticed that I had strings of messages on my phone. Brianna had gotten my contact from my friend and was saying that I was an asshole for being a father figure to her son. She said that he had not stopped talking about how nice his evening was with me and how is she supposed to tell him that I had no interest in being in his life. I was leading her on by showing her that I could offer what she was looking for but then I was playing this game of showing disinterest to make her follow me around as a show for dominance. Apparently, all the podcasts have tuned men into assholes and we don't see women as people with emotions anymore. I was literally sitting there with my hand on my forehead trying to make sense of it. Our mutual friend messaged me again and said that she expected better from me. She had found out from Katja that me and Marit had hit it off and she accused me of being superficial and being a jerk to Brianna because she is a single mother and I should grow up and be more mature. I replied that I never led her on and they needed to clear this out because it sounded really crazy. Tbh I have never been interested in dating someone with a child and my friends know this. But I never said that to Brianna. So that was something our mutual friend either told her or was just saying to me personally. The next day it blew up even more with half of our friend group calling me a jerk for stringing Brianna around. I messaged Katja and asked her wtf was going on and she said that she was surprised too and assumed that something happened after we left and was under the impression that I asked Brianna out and rejected her. I told her that I asked Marit out not Brianna and she found that more logical given how we were obviously flirting that day. I am seriously thinking I have crossed some boundary here by talking to that kid that day and probably his mom is freaking out because of it. Tldr: The Kid's mother accused me of leading her on because I talked and entertained her son for an hour and now he is asking about me while I have no interest in dating his mother. **Edit (Same Post):** I am getting some new information from my friend group. It seems like the mutual friend of Brianna and I is in cahoots with Brianna. I will do another update when I have all the information. Katja has been a huge help in clearing things up with my friends since it is clear that they all were fed some completely different story by Brianna and the mutual friend (I will call her Ellen from now on). ***There is not a consensus bot on AITAH, but replies were overwhelmingly NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16ogszo/update_aita_for_leading_a_woman_on_by_being_nice/)**: September 21, 2023 (3 days from OG post)** First, some people expressed that I should use fake names instead of letters so I will do it now in this post. ***(Editor's note- OOP went back and changed his OG post from letters to names)*** The woman I am going out with - MaritThe woman who introduced us- KatjaThe Woman who is crazy and expected to go out with me because I was nice to her kid- Brianna (The only reason I used B was because she was acting like a B word)Our mutual friend - Ellen Another important background is that I am not Dutch. I am an expat and so is Brianna and Ellen. Marit is Dutch and so is our friend Katja. Some good Dutch people commented and were surprised how this could happen in the Netherlands and they are right. Dutch people are one of the most straightforward people I have ever met. I asked Katja to find out exactly why people think that I lead Brianna on because she was also under that impression. She contacted a few people and got the whole story and it is crazy af. The whole thing started a few months ago and was the brainchild of Ellen. I was coming out of a relationship and she wanted to hook me up with Brianna from the start. I however was not ready to jump in and was not very social for the first few months so the chance never came. Brianna and I have shared talks before but I was not paying attention and she never registered in my brain. Ellen had hyped me up to Brianna for quite some time and that is where the whole issue started. She had her convinced that we are very compatible and share similar interests. She was convinced that if we could just have a chance, we would immediately click. I have no idea why she thinks that because we are definitely not alike in any way. Not to mention she knows that I don't want to date someone with the responsibility of a child. She just thought that I would rise up because I am so good with kids. This brings us to the day we were all out and I met Marit. Katja too had similar designs but she did not oversell me and just bought her along for a nice evening. All this time Ellen and her group wanted to introduce Brianna to me but the way I clicked with Marit, they knew they missed the bus. They sent her kid to our table in hopes of derailing our conversation because we cannot flirt if there is a kid sitting with us. It was another matter that ended up helping us even more because his presence removed any first-time nervousness and we went from verbal flirting to non-verbal. When Brianna came later she hoped to use the kid as an icebreaker and we had a chat about how cute kids can be and similar stuff. But I never asked for her number and she left with Ellen not so happy. My hug to Marit pretty much pissed them off. I do not know if it was Ellen's idea or Brianna's but they decided that if they could malign me in the group and assasinate my character, they might end up drawing a gap between me and Marit. So they made up a story that I asked Brianna out and showed her down for being a single mother and how she has nothing good to offer anymore because women lose their value to men when they are a single mother. This is why they mentioned the podcasts and stuff. Since Marit also has friends in my group, she would find out, be disgusted by me and dump me. How do we know? One of the people sitting at their table dumped all their beans on Katja. What they did not expect was that I would be quick to ask Marit out and meet her the very next day. So when the whole thing blew up she messaged me the day after we had a date and already knew something made no sense. Katja and I explained everything to her and she was very supportive and joked that she has to work so hard to get this misogyny out of me. We created a group chat and showed our friends some pics from our time together the next day and the whole thing was cleared up. Brianna and Ellen are outcasts now and apart from professional relations some people will need to keep with them, they will no longer be invited to our usual hangouts. Everyone is scratching their head at what their end game was. The consensus is that they expected to isolate me and then be my only support system and redemption. Anyway, the only petty thing Katja did at the end was send my pic kissing Marit on her cheek to Ellen as an F you before blocking her. Unless there is a new drama from the two, which I doubt there will be, this is probably the end of all the craziness. ***Relevant Comment:*** *Someone expressed that being nice doesn't seem to be worth it anymore, because people can be crazy or take it the wrong way:* "I would like to see it differently. Being nice brought me closer to a brilliant woman and we have a great story to tell if things go right." ***Editor's Note:*** *A reminder to not comment on OOP's original posts, as that is considered brigading. Also, remember that this sub has a 7 day waiting period before posting. If you have seen this post before, it was not on this sub as this was posted exactly 7 days after OOP's update.*

AITA for leading a woman on by being nice to her kid?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16u5she/aita_for_leading_a_woman_on_by_being_nice_to_her/

16u5t4n

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/fudgethislife **My F23 and bf M22 got into a huge fight and he’s given me two days to “come clean”** **Originally posted to** r/TwoHotTakes **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!sexual assault, emotional manipulation, eating disorder, gaslighting and verbal abuse!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/aRZcqA5s7y)  **Sept 20, 2023** My F23 and boyfriend M22 got into a huge argument and he’s given me two days to “come clean” and I’m not sure what to do about it. For context, We’ve been dating for a year now and we’ve had our fair share of ups and down. Last year, he’d found out that I was sexually assaulted several years ago and it created a huge fight between us. He’d accused me of hiding it from him. Moreover, he demanded to know about any past relationship experiences I have had. We solved this and talked it through and moved on. Or I thought we did He’s been going through a lot of family issues lately so I’ve been giving him support. (He’s out of the country at the moment so our relationship has moved to long distance). His coping mechanism is making jokes, they’re not funny tbh and can be quite hurtful at times. So last night while I was talking to him, he kept making jokes about withdrawing from sex after marriage. (We come from a religious background so we are celibate until marriage). He says that there’s no point until we need to have kids so kept trying to jokingly ask to go through the back door instead. I kept attempting to change the topic and he would bring it up again, so I shut it down because this is related to my sexual assault. Rather than apologizing he exploded at me saying that I didn’t think about how my assault effects him and how it makes him feel. And that I need to see it from his perspective. Also I do martial arts, I was training for the team and my training partners are mostly men. He says that he was hurt that I was training with other guys behind his back without his permission. He says he’s going to give me two days to come clean about anything else in my past that he doesn’t know about. Honestly, I’m feeling lost. how should I handle this situation ? EDIT: For those of you telling me to move out. I just need to clarify that I have my own place. We don’t share any residence or finances. He doesn’t have the keys to my place either Also about the jokes, he’s not asking to go through the back door now. He’s saying it in a “if we were married” context. I’m not justifying his actions at all, but just to clear up some confusion Also I’m celibate by choice. Being sexually assaulted severely traumatized me that I’d rather wait until I married [Update 1](https://reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/hlX5ks5yUH)  **Sept 21, 2023** I know you’ve all been asking for an update about my situation so here it is. My bf spoke to me last night and honestly his responses were shocking. I still had a bit of hope that he’d recognize his actions as being wrong but he didn’t show a sliver of remorse. He began the conversation by saying that although he’s aware that a two day ultimatum is unhealthy, he said that it was necessary. Moreover, he said that I had provoked him to talk and so I deserve what I got. For context I had asked him to express his feelings. His explosion and the ultimatum had nothing to do with his feelings about his current situation. He said that he would get back with me as long as I came clean and that I would have to cut contact with who I train with and look for a female coach. He said his future wife is not allowed to have such contact with other men. He also compared my martial arts with men as cheating; he said it’s the same as him fucking another girl and not telling me. His response is just as you all predicted. It’s controlling and suffocating. I’m planning on ending things tonight. Right now I’m on a train on my way to see my therapist, I need some mental clarification before I follow through. Thank you all for your support. I’ll try my best to update again soon EDIT: the breakup text has been sent! And therapy went really well [Final Update](https://reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/oOxwFHqYTa)  **Sept 21, 2023** This will be my last update for this. I’d sent the breakup text in a simple polite manner. He responded demanded my reasons why and when I told him all the things that I had mentioned in my previous posts (bad jokes, claiming my trauma etc) it turned into another argument. He finally relented and told me why he had suddenly travelled. A relative of his had a failed attempt at suicide. That honestly broke my heart. But I don’t understand why he couldn’t be clear with me instead of directing all that hate at me every time he goes through issues. Several hours went by and he sent me a long message explaining himself. It broke my heart honestly to find out he was going through this. Maybe a breakup wasn’t the right choice or maybe it was. I’m not sure I could’ve handled that kind of behavior any longer, it’s been too many arguments with gaslighting over the year and control. But also I feel terrible for leaving him when I should’ve been there for him. Did I make the right move or did I mess up? EDIT: So he sent me this “You took you your revenge greatly I can’t stand still I am this close to faint And I had urge to vomit so badly” For context I suffer from an eating disorder and he is well aware of my symptoms. I made the right move. Blocked **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My F23 and bf M22 got into a huge fight and he’s given me two days to “come clean”

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16u5t4n/my_f23_and_bf_m22_got_into_a_huge_fight_and_hes/

16u5txg

**I am not The OOP's, OOP's are** u/PsychoSemantics & [u/_River_Song_](https://reddit.com/u/_River_Song_/s/dy9MVECpLL) **Warped Con revokes first place for a cosplayer for reasons not in the rules. Streisand effect ensues.** **Originally posted to** r/HobbyDrama **Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU** [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/HobbyDrama/s/l6p5p8cbIj) **Nov 19, 2019** Warped Con is a pop culture convention somewhere in the UK (I'm in Australia so i have not actually been myself, this showed up in a cosplay group I'm part of). They held a cosplay contest with cash prizes for the various winners and runners up, and this is the cause of all the drama. https://facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10162434689565440&id=599520439 **(LINK DEFUNCT)** 3 months after the convention, the cosplay contest winner Beth Malcolm/Amazonian Cosplay, reached out to the convention organizers and politely asked when she would be paid the £750 they promised her. There was no response until she followed up her message and mentioned small claims court, at which point they got extremely snippy with her and 30 minutes later, made a post to their page stating that her prize and title had been revoked because she "was friends with the cosplay organizer" and that this had broken a rule. All hell broke loose as people commented, pointing out that there was nothing in the rules about this, that Beth was not friends with the -judges- (the people she's friends with are affiliated with the convention but had zero say in the cosplay competition results) and that in a community as small and close knit as the UK cosplay scene, it would be ridiculous to have such rules for contests. Warped Con responded to this by deleting comments and doubling down on their decision. They also claimed Beth had been rude to them (if you look at the linked post above, there are screenshots of her messages to Warped Con and she was extremely polite) and then they turned off reviews for their page. After they realized they couldn't contain the sheer volume of complaints and community anger, they tried to justify their position even further with this post here. https://facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=2136902849952753&id=1900771063565934 **(LINK DEFUNCT)** As you can see in their replies to comments on that post, they're "looking into hiring international judges" to try and enforce their new, bullshit rule. Despite the fact that Beth is not friends with any of the judges to start with! It's pretty clear that they weren't expecting to have this decision questioned or scrutinized to this level and are going all George Costanza on it rather than admitting they were pissy at her for mentioning small claims court (which she had every right to, considering 3 months had gone by with zero communication or payment). This situation has gone viral in various international cosplay groups on Facebook and people are pretty pissed off on Beth's behalf. The convention are still trying to make themselves out to be the misunderstood good guys and instead they've triggered the Streisand effect, but they aren't backing down. Everyone doubts they'll attract many cosplayers to next year's event, and that's assuming they even get the ticket sales for there to BE another event. They clearly didn't have the money to give her and decided to punish her by revoking her prize after small claims court got mentioned. TLDR: convention organizers get pissed off at cosplayer asking for her prize money after 3 months of waiting, decide to revoke prize as revenge. Edit: fixed the FB links to not be mobile [Update](https://reddit.com/r/HobbyDrama/s/2gkwWLKbLv) **March 7, 2020** Hey Hobby Drama! A few months ago a situation of mine ended up on here /r/HobbyDrama/comments/du1nd5/cosplayconventions_warped_con_revokes_first_place/ and I just wanted to correct some of the errors/fill some holes AND give an update to the situation! SO here’s what happened and how i caused a scandal haha. I’m a cosplayer from the UK. I entered my Cersei Lannister costume into the contest at Warped Con, which had an advertised prize of £750. It was a first time event, so having a prize this high in the uk (rare) had me all *cash eyes* haha. My costume took me two years to make from hand (it has blacksmithing and over 500 hours of hand embroidery! https://www.instagram.com/p/B16WLy2DyOH/ ) **ABOVE IMAGE, OOP SITTING ON THE IRON THRONE AS CERSEI LANNISTER** This costume is the complete love of my life. So I attended the event with my friend, and I was lucky enough to win 1st place! My friend I attended with won 3rd place. Happy days. Fast forward 3 months. The terms and conditions of the contest stated that we would receive our prizes within 12 weeks of the competition. I had not had any communication from the convention since the event. I had had a couple of emails and received my certificate from the team who had been externally hired in to coordinate the contest, however they informed me that Warped Con had decided to pay all the winners directly instead of through their company, so there was nothing more they could do. I knew this company already, as I had been brought in to judge a convention contest for them in April, however I was not and am not an employee of this company. ANYWAY. Its the week of the final week of the payment deadline. I email the con. I attempt to call them. I instagram message them. I facebook message them. I do not get a response to a single one of my messages asking very politely when I will be paid. The day the deadline passes (halloween funnily enough) I message them to say that if i didn't get a response, I would be seeking legal action to claim my money. They responded early in the morning as you can see, https://i.imgur.com/JIRrKZN.jpg threatening me, but very clearly stating that I will be paid my money and they acknowledge that I am owed this. **TRANSCRIPT OF MESSAGES** **MESSAGE 1** Hi Beth. While we fully acknowledge this is to be paid and will be paid to you, that does not give you the right to speak to us in this manner. If you want to proceed to small claims then of course there is nothing ican do to stop that, but you wont speak to us like this and get a response. Choose your words more carefully please and we in turn will do the same. We are not your lap dog. Kindest Regards. **MESSAGE 2** Please be aware we are notifying you of the following post we are about to put on the Warped page so you arenaware of the situation. Thank you From the language theyre using, I totally got the gist that these two middle ages white male conservatives didnt enjoy that a little girl in a dress was telling them off. As you can see from their message, 20 minutes after their message to me stating that I am owed the money, they make a facebook status. Status can be seen in the other post. Basically they’re ‘apologising for the delay in paying the competition winners’ and state that this was because they were ‘investigating’ me as they conveniently received reports that I had colluded with the judges to win, and they had decided now to disqualify me for breaching their rules for being associated with the competition organisation (their evidence for this rested on the fact that i was facebook friends with the organiser of the comp, because yknow, thats how us cosplayers do our marketing. sigh) and would be bumping up the other winners (with them somehow magically producing a 4th place winner out of their ass that DEFINITELY wasn’t a friend of theirs. Anyway there are 4 major issues with this: • I had never met the judges before that day and to this day cannot even remember who they were • Twenty minutes before the status they said in black and white they would be paying me my money. • NOWHERE in the rules of the competition does it state that you may not have any association with the organisation or judges. If this was a rule, noone in the uk cosplay scene would be allowed to compete. I archived the page of their website and downloaded the dated pdf of the rules so they couldnt try and retroactively change it, and yeah. This isnt a rule they had. https://drive.google.com/file/d/1HlMWdLaBttcaJgBvmSZ19LY_4dRL8vR9/view?usp=sharing • My friend who won 3rd place in the competition, who they were still planning to award the prize, had judged an event for said organisational company, ONE WEEK BEFORE WARPED CON, showing that their ‘investigation’ was completely fabricated. SO THEN I make a facebook post about the situation, and all hell breaks loose. Warped ban me from their facebook page so I’m unable to defend myself in the comments. Hundreds and hundreds of people, friends and strangers, proceed to meme the shit out of warped con. The post gets hundreds of shares from all over the world, everyone supporting me. Its great and funny but I just remember how I rang my friend up after seeing their post in floods of tears. Its stupid, but I put so much passion and love into that costume, so to be basically told that it isn’t possible for me to win with it unless I cheated? That fucking stung. Eventually they delete that post after being sufficiently dunked on. They then make a second post, doubling down, and delete all the comments. A couple of days later comes a THIRD post and things don’t get any better. During all this I’m still not able to defend myself publically to their slander of me as I’m banned from commenting on their page. Eventually they end up deleting all their social media. Their website was quite comedically changed to just read ‘nope’ https://warpedcon.com/ About 3 weeks after this whole disaster, they eventually pay the new winners. So 2nd place got my £750, 3rd got 2nd’s £425 and the ‘4th’ got 3rd’s £275. In the meantime while all this was going on, (besides me doing an interview with bbc news?!) I was preparing a legal claim through small claims court. You see, with just the basic ‘i entered competition, they didn’t pay, i want my money’ I already had a case. However what they then did on their social media, increased my likelihood of winning a case TENFOLD. It’s like they were collecting my evidence for me. Their poorly thought out responses gave me comments such as them contradicting themselves and stating they don’t think the judges were biased at all for example. My personal favourite is them admitting that no, this wasn’t in the published terms and conditions of the competition however they decided to make ‘cant be affiliated with the organisation’ an INTERNAL rule for them. Because yknow, thats totally a legally binding rule. So I submit my legal claim. I ask for the full amount of money, plus the monetary equivalent of a vip ticket (which was supposed to be part of the prize too), plus the legal fees I had to pay that were £60, plus taxes. Because I was just being SLIGHTLY petty. I provide a full timeline of events, a plethora of evidence, and off it goes. They have 14 days to respond to it and are allowed to request an extension. Surprise surprise, on the 14th day at 4pm, they request an extension. Another 14 days (we’re at the beginning of December now) and they respond, rejecting my claim. Honestly, I wish I could post their response in the legal documents, because it was genuinely hilarious. They had one paragraph of misspelled text, half of which had been copy and pasted from a wikipedia article irrelevant to our situation, and their only piece of ‘evidence’ was, QUOTE ‘beth and the competition organiser are facebook friends’ thats IT. Their ENTIRE case of collusion rides on the fact that we’re friends on facebook. Never mind so are all the other winners that they didn’t disqualify because they didn’t threaten legal action or cause a fuss, nope, just me. So I’m obviously like pft if thats all their evidence, this will be an easy win. So i reject ther response and we moved forward. I get a call from a mediator, and I speak to her. She asks if i would be willing to set up mediation with them to try and find a solution, and when I explain how they’ve been deliberately waiting till the last hour of the legal deadline, she states she’s going to forward it straight to court. Christmas hits, and I’m asked to submit all my evidence and legal docs etc. I do so. It’s now the second week of January, we’re due to receive our court date in about a week, and I get this email which genuinely made me jump up from my office desk at work. https://i.imgur.com/JHkPn6Q.png **TRANSCRIPT OF MESSAGE** Hi Bethany, I tried getting in touch with you on Facebook but I think you must have blocked Warped or something. so im emailing you instead. TL;DR We would like to make BACS payment to you for the Warped Competition I did want to take the time to try and explain to you why we have changed our mind and offer an apology If you could send us your bank details we will get this payment over to you look forward to hearing from you. Regards Andy As you can see its entirely bullshit (they blocked me, not them) and their ‘apology’ in the next email is even more bullshit (the £60 is me saying ‘cool i will accept your offer if you’ll cover the legal fees ive paid so far) https://i.imgur.com/qEXyYZe.jpg However I know that THEY know its bullshit. And I known they would have been SQUIRMING having to write that email. Its obvious they sought legal advice and realised that they were going to lose, badly. One hilarious thing to note, is that because of their tantrum and not paying me in the first place, this whole debacle ended up with them having to pay an extra £1300 ON TOP OF the original prize money for everyone (because they bumped everyone up, THEN paid me hahahaha) Week goes by, and FINALLY I have the money in my bank account. I preordered the special edition animal crossing nintendo switch, and bought a 3d printer for my cosplays. Anyway fuck Warped Con, I got my money and will continue to cause a fuss against companies that try and screw cosplayers out of money. I seem to cause at least 2 international cosplay scandals a year, so feel free to follow my instagram, @ amazoniancos to keep up with them bc they’re always juicy. Also I make cool costumes. Thanks <3 ​ EDIT: Seeing as some fuckwad is accusing me of ommitting information to 'hide my poor behaviour' because I dared to make a joke in a drama subreddit about having had a couple of dramas, despite all these screenshots being in the links in the previous post, heres the messaged I had sent to warped before they sent their message i screenshotted above, along with a tweet I made before it. Not pictured because I can't find scaps, the EXTREMELY professional emails I sent over the 3 months of waiting with no communication, and the phonecall voicemail I left on their answering machine. https://imgur.com/a/ZhFtLKA **TRANSCRIPT OF THE 2 MESSAGES** **MESSAGE 1** >Hi there. I was the 1st place winner of your costume contest, and as such won a prize of £750. It has now been over 8 weeks since the competition, which was the maximum delay i was told the prize would be, and yet I haven't recieved it yet. Really disappointed and frankly quite angry it has taken this long. If I don't get my prize by the end of this week I cant pay my rent, so l'm sure you can understand my frustration. Please could you rectify this asap, as I would hate to have to take more drastic measures against your event, which I did so love attending this summer **MESSAGE 2** >Hi there. I haven't had a response from you in any form of media contact, so I shall be taking this as your team avoiding the issue. If my prize money is not in my account before the 1st of November I will be seeking legal action and opening a small claims court case against your team, as not delivering on a promised competition prize is illegal false advertising. Hope to hear from you soon. **OOP HAS APPEARED IN THE THREAD AND A LITTLE UPDATE** [HERE](https://reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/kf1sglQHsf) Oh wow this is a throwback! I'm the cosplayer in question, thanks for sharing my story! This was so long ago, and I've done so many better contests since then xD I made a bigger and better game of thrones costume recreation and competed in the UK championship, and went on to win the World Championship after that (almost exactly a year ago!) Am still creating lots of costumes, can't wait for future events! Also, yes WarpedCon went bust after this, and are no longer running events. I'm sure COVID sealed the deal however I suspect they wouldn't have run another event anyway due to the bad press this incident got the name. And a good ending to this is that since this, I've helped countless cosplayers word emails etc to conventions that have tried to get out of paying them their prizes, and all have been successful so far in getting paid! ❤️ **Centrist_bot** >Glad to hear you’ve thrived from this. Can you link to the better GOT costumes **OOP** Here's my big one I finished last year! https://reddit.com/r/pics/s/XU0vwuBlOR **Description of photos** OOP as Sansa Stark in hand made costume, showing the details of the perfect work **EDITORS NOTE:** u/UnsolicitedLimb found the original sites: [Here](https://reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/0YtKFzfPaK) **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Warped Con revokes first place for a cosplayer for reasons not in the rules. Streisand effect ensues.

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16u5txg/warped_con_revokes_first_place_for_a_cosplayer/

16ucjna

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/meldiwin /r/AskAcademia. Thank you to OOP for giving permission to share their story. ** trigger warnings: >!Misogyny, references to abuse!< --- &nbsp; [*Should I talk About The Abuse I went Through As A Woman In Academia At The Panel I am invited In **](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskAcademia/comments/12bvsd0/should_i_talk_about_the_abuse_i_went_through_as_a/) - 4th April 2023 Hello I am grateful for how things turned out now, I was able to get my first journal publication recently, invitations, tomorrow as an apart of the conference, I will be a panelist at a panel addressing women in my field, and the panel has also men. Most of the panelists are well accomplished, they have quite a smooth trajectory. This conference is dedicated to our field, I attended the first edition back in 2018 and the I never attend for almost four years up till this year when I got a couple of invitations to the conference so this means a lot. My story is quite complicated, I was abused 2018 and forced to leave the lab in 2018, which lead me to move across different countries, I started an activity to get my voice out and thankfully it took off! The aggressor told me that I will not make it in the field and no one will take me, they do not believe in me. I told them this is your belief, but I believe in myself and if there is a crack in the building will not fail, believe me, I still cry over the pain and moving countries as a woman by myself with a very bad situation, I wanted to take my life. I lost my mom at a young age and the same year all this happen I lost my grandma, I was devastated I am even crying now. Although the successes made me cry for what I went through I feel the price I paid is reimbursed. I used to feel ashamed and scared, should I say the story, I never shared it clearly, I always cut when someone ask because of the shame I felt. I want to share this to expose this behavior, I know the rest of the panelists tomorrow are promoting their publications and how successful they are since I saw their shared material and that makes me afraid to share my story. I would appreciate your advice, deep down I am sick I am not perfect but I did not deserve that. ***Comments were generally supportive, although many warned OOP that it might not be the best time or place, and to be cautious. OOP gave more context:*** This is a panel about Women in XX field, I am not a random person, I made achievement and I was highly endorsed by big name in our field to be in this panel, this aware of the struggles I went through but not the full scale, so I have done achievement, nomination and I think I am coming from a place of power not weakness I think. The questions are: 1- How encourage more diversity in the field? 2- What motivated you in career development? What happened to me affected my career it was very wild and I know some women experienced something but they dont speak up, and I think since I am a minority it was very worse and when I spoke to people they drop their jaw. The other speakers are just listing their grants, etc typical academic thing, I am younger relative to the rest of the panel but I did something in my field and this is the reason for the invitations I have specifically in that conference. I dont know if this would back fire or not, I am just confused. &nbsp; [**Update: Should I talk About The Abuse I went Through As A Woman In Academia At The Panel I am invited In **](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskAcademia/comments/12cy3j0/update_should_i_talk_about_the_abuse_i_went/) - 5th April 2023 Here is what happened today on the stage when i shared my story \** Thank you everyone for sharing their thoughts, appreciated**** before going on the stage I was a bit nervous, the hall was very crowded, and I honestly felt scared about how I can share what happened but at a high level without mentioning the details so much. I started by defining myself, my research and what I am passionate about, my opinions about diversity and inclusion and I claimed maybe we are diverse but fully inclusive yet, and inclusion is not only restricted to race but also intellectual, etc. In the last part where I shared my story, the question was what motivated my career in the field, I honestly dont know what happen but I spoke from my heart without going to the specifics I shared what happened and it was a pretty magical experience and I felt relief I was crying this for more than 4 years. I concluded I wanted this to be informative for women and men by choosing the right match since there is no bad or good people it is all about the right match. Before saying this where the audience clapped very warmly I said I am not a victim, I am speaking from a place of power and success and we should speak up. I couldn't imagine how people were very eager to ask questions the room went crazy, and the audience started to open up with their personal experiences and which was warm also panelists started to open up and not be afraid and quote my words. I felt incredibly proud to share the story deliver in quite a good way dont know how! After that people started coming and asking and sharing appreciation for sharing this. Of course, other people dont like or appreciate me, and others do not care but I think I must speak up it sickens me when you tend to keep it inside and play it nicely to keep our places and trade our dignity and honesty. I paid a huge price, but I felt incredibly relieved and powerful. Speaking up I think inspires people to feel they aren't alone and action is needed on small scale to stop such behavior if we did not we are enabling these behaviors. So yeah it went very well it was my story! &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Should I talk About The Abuse I went Through As A Woman In Academia At The Panel I am invited In

CONCLUDED

Surprise_Institoris

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16ucjna/should_i_talk_about_the_abuse_i_went_through_as_a/

16uh8ke

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/SituationFluid6098 **Ending my 5 years marriage over a paternity test my MIL requested.** **Originally posted to** r/TrueOffMyChest **Thanks to u/Twigz8771 for suggesting this BoRU** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Emotional manipulation, accusation of infidelity!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/FRPWvQ7eb6)  **Sept 14, 2023** I'll try my best not to make this a word wall. Idk where to start. This whole situation is embarrassing and i am just done with it. I've been with my husband for 5years now. (married for three). Well long story short, his mom was always overwhelming and boald with her input on everything to put it nicely. I genuinely think it's not fair to be mad at your partner for something he didn't do himself. He can't control what his mom do or say. But what's also not fair is him not addressing it when I am clearly uncomfortable or upset and instead just talking me into brushing it off or going with it. I never nor would I ever have a back and forth with my MIL. Just not worth barking at each other. I always kinda brush it of if it's a snarky comment or if it's a "better way" to do something in her opinion, I'll just tell her thanks for the suggestion but we are fine. It's actually true, the saying "When you marry someone, you marry their family". I think the way to handle it is each spouse should keep his side of the family in line for lack of a better way to say it. I deal with my parents and their shenanigans and I expected him to do the same. He never did. He always asks me to give her some grace. Well it's hard when that person is insulting you. For a while now she has been making comments about how my son doesn't look like my husband when he was a toddler. Basically accusing me of sleeping around. This, rightfully so upset me. Sorry, my genes are strong what do I tell you. I was short with my husband because he didn't address how out of pocket and disrespectful this whole thing is. It has been a week since my husband, -well, soon to be ex husband- told me that he would be doing a paternity DNA test, not because he thinks that it's not his son but to shut his mom up. Yes, exactly what u read. Idk which one is worse, him accusing me of cheating or this shit. But all i know is this is audacious. I didn't cheat and I am not concerned one bit about the test results. I wasnt going to stop him from taking a DNA test or whatever but I just know I don't want to deal with this any longer. I am looking for an appartement and I talked to a loyer the day after he brought this DNA test thing up. And I've been acting more then normal since. We'll be getting the results in two days. I cant wait. He would be also getting divorce papers with that too. I know for fact he won't see it coming. I tried my best to make this whole thing work and manage my relationship with my MIL as gracefully as possible. But thinking about it, it's not just my MIL thats the problem but how he is handling things is also a problem. And side note, I never been more glad that I didn't leave my job when I got married. He makes more then enough to take care of the financial side of things. I thought I would get board, I only have to be on site 2days per week also I really love my job and the company so i didnt leave. Best decision i ever made. He is unreliable to say the least. I know that divorce can be hard on kids, but I experienced the other side. Living with two parents that hated each other and violently fought almost all the time is as hard maybe even harder. They thought that staying together would be good for me and my siblings. Newsflash, it wasn't. It was traumatizing to say the least. I don't remember, I either read somewhere or maybe my therapist toldme that "when you fight with your spouse you shouldn't see it as me vs you. but more like, me and you vs the particular situation or problem on hand and try to figure it out". But its really hard to do so when you start Hating that person. I don't want my son to live like that because I tell one thing I just can't stand my husband anymore. Idk if this is a weird way of saying it but I just don't respect him anymore if that makes sense. I just see an unreliable man and I know for fact that our fights won't be the same as before. I would've said what a waste of 5years but I have a sweet and smart gremlin now and having a child really pushs you to be better and to do better so I can't complain. [Update](https://reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/SD1B0AeQkf)  **Sept 21, 2023** Here to update you as a lot of people were interstated. But real quick, I have a comment about my last post. Please, if you are going through something serious, think twice before posting it. Obviously, I was expecting people to tell me I am overreacting or even that je m'invente une vie sur reddit. But there are also people who would leave you with comments like "You're a disgusting piece of shit. I hope he takes your child from you in the divorce and you realize what kind of monster you are." and go about their day. Which was my cue to stop reading comments that night. The UPDATE: The day he was supposed to receive the results, I called my FIL and invited them to come over that evening. He was working when he got the results. He sent them to me and told me he would talk to his mother to finally put this to rest. I informed him that I had already invited them for this evening and I am just waiting for my apology before I leave. I asked that he come home so we can talk before they come over. He called, and I basically told him that this is not working for me anymore. I've already talked to an attorney, filed for divorce, and it might be more expensive than a paternity test, but it would be more effective making his mother happy. (And no, I don't care that he was working when I told him. I don't think you would have either.) He left work and came home. Long story short, we had a spectacular fight. He said that I am not thinking about my son and I am overreacting because it's not like he went behind my back. And if he knew that I was this upset, he wouldn't have done it. But he knew; we fought about it when he brought it up. He just didn't care. When I gave him the divorce papers, he said he's not signing anything and he'll ask his mother to apologize when his parents arrive and get done with this. Listen, I don't need him to sign it to get a divorce. It would only make things complicated, that's it. His mother said, "She has nothing to apologize for. She wouldn't apologize for having suspicions. She didn't accuse me of anything and I can leave if I want to." So that's that. I did leave that night because I wasn't going to get an apology, and he didn't seem to understand that him reinforcing that it's okay for her to meddle is why I want a divorce in the first place. He eventually told his parents he'll be coming over from time to time to check up on them (he is their only child) and not to bother coming over anymore until she apologizes. She wasn't amused. She told me I am taking her son away and some "wh_re" would take my son too. She is not someone that you can talk to, I'll tell you that much. It's like talking to a wall. All she knows is insulting or being passive-aggressive on a good day. We're not getting a divorce. We talked the day after. He said I can always file for a divorce, but we should at least try couples counseling because he doesn't want to co-parent. **[ Edit:** He doesn't want to lose his son, plain and simple. Although it's not like if we were to get divorced he wouldn't be able to see his son, but whatever. He did say, when we talked the second time, that he can see how he was wrong, especially knowing his mother. He also mentioned that he'll just shut her down if she meddles this time. But what can I do with just words? I hope he can learn a thing or two on how to deal with his mother in counseling because she is truly overwhelming.] If counseling would help him understand that a couple means two people, not three, and our marriage is a bit crowded right now. That's enough for me. People saying that I am overreacting in my last post made me ask myself, do I actually want a divorce or am I just mad? I wanted the divorce at the time; it seemed like the only solution. But if counseling would help us, I can try to work things out. I hope this is a good decision. If not, I am not stuck. I'll take my son and leave. I have a friend who got divorced in 20days (an uncontested divorce). When you are on the same page regarding how things would be divided, including custody, it's a matter of how long the court would take to review and finalize the divorce, and you'll be done. That was my plan. Nonetheless, I am the one working from home, and my son is still so young. It's totally up to him. If he wants to see his son every day when he gets off work, or if he wants to see his son just a couple of times per week. Because I am not tolerating this anymore. Oh, one last thing. People in my last post were debating if paternity tests should be mandatory or not. I thought that from what i wrote, it was clear I didnt cheat and I have nothing against the paternity test itself. It should be obvious to everyone that it's not fair for the child nor the man to be tricked into living a lie. If he was the one who had suspicions, that's a big deal. We would've talked about why he thinks that, taken the paternity test for his peace of mind, and made sure we can trust each other then move on, all without anyone interfering let alone requesting the fucking paternity test. **[ Edit2:** someone asked "Curious why they asked for the test and why you’re so against it? I don’t want to assume there was some troubles in the past but I feel like there’s a lot of lead up and information left out here." At this point, I've shared so much that these aren't too many details, I guess. I am not religious. I also dated women at a certain time. She doesn't like that and thinks that me not being religious or not being straight means I have no values or something. She hates that her son married a non-religious person. He is a believer, but he's a non-practicing believer. Either way, his religion or my lack of belief doesn't cause us any problems in our day-to-day life. I hope this clarifies things for you. ] **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Ending my 5 years marriage over a paternity test my MIL requested

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16uh8ke/ending_my_5_years_marriage_over_a_paternity_test/

16uqi7g

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** [u/Round\_Macaroon\_190](https://www.reddit.com/u/Round_Macaroon_190/) **Originally posted to** [r/offmychest](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/) **I'm leaving my family** Trigger warning: >!forced marriage, religious coercion, abused, infidelity, harassment!< Mood spoiler: >!a bit frustrating but satisfying too!< &#x200B; [**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/15jkedv/im_leaving_my_family/) **posted on August 6, 2023** I'm typing this in a mix of fear and nerves. I am the youngest (22) of five kids M30, M28, F28 (twins) and F25. My parent's are heavily religious and we live in Utah. Growing up, everything had to be done perfectly it didnt matter if it was grades, looks, social activities or even friends. I'm different from my siblings as I was never interested in the maths and science like they were. I've always been the writer, the painter. I remember once when I was 13, I made a painting of a dove in a snowy field and won 1st in the competition. I told my parents who got angry that I had 'wasted my time with something so worthless when I should have been using the time to study.' I still had A's in every class. My mother won't even say more than a few words to me, she's always seemes like she hates me and I don't understand. Father burned the painting to remind me of what was truly important before taking all of my art supplies until I showed more responsibility with my time. It's been like this as long as I can remember. I work full time, and have since I was 15 at McDonalds dashing every bit of money I could. Father took half my checks as 'tithing' to help teach me what being an adult was like. I applied to several colleges but was told by my parents that they would not be helping me with tuition as they did for my siblings because they thought sending me to college would just be a waste of money. So I got angry. I am so tired of being the black sheep just because I like the arts more than maths and science. And then, I heard them talking when I got up in the middle of the night about the 'perfect man' they'd found who is willing to take me in. Through our church. I am terrified, and so I'm leaving. I've got some money saved up, a good amount and I'm leaving the country. I found a job that lets me work remote doing freelance design work and I've had my passport since I was a kid because of our family vacations overseas. I'm taking nothing other than a change of clothes, my laptop and important documents I took out of my father's office. I booked a flight that leaves in five hours and I'm never coming back. I'm not even going to take my phone since I'd need to get a new number anyway. My best friend, god bless her, had been the one booking things and getting everything ready since I couldn't tip off my parents. She's also smuggled some of my more important things I can't take to hold onto for me. She's parking down the street and I'll leave with my smallest suitcase to me her. I don't know how they'll take this, I'm terrified they'll find a way to drag me back, or track me down. They went to bed over an hour ago, but I'm too anxious to sleep. I don't know if I'll have any updates, but I just hope they don't stop me. &#x200B; [**Update 2**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/15n4kgl/update_2_im_leaving_left_my_family/)**: I'm Leaving (Left) My Family (posted on August 10, 2023)** Wow, so much has been happening lately that it’s kept my head on a swivel constantly. I’ll start with the good part of the update before moving on to the less… happy bits. So, I was advised to remove the location destination from my post, so all I will say is that I’m in South Africa right now and it’s amazing. The food is astonishing, and a poster here messaged me to recommend that I try ‘Bunny Chow’ which is actual authentic curry in a bread bowl, it was phenomenal. I got to chatting with one of the hotel staff, she’s about my age and we really hit it off. She went with me to a local shopping center to get some new and better clothes. At least I’m used to wearing dresses, so that doesn’t phase me and they’re very light weight and breathable unlike a lot of US dress fabrics. She also told me to always shake out my shoes every morning just in case. I’ve started apartment hunting, and it’s well within my budget, like super low compared to how sky high it is in the US. It’s honestly jaw-dropping. Like $81 dollars for a studio apartment with a loft and kitchenette. So yeah, housing won’t be an issue, and it is a bit odd to be house… shopping? For myself when I’ve always lived with my parents. Now onto the less pleasant bits. I finally opened the emails, deciding it was best to probably get it over with. My father’s email was filled with anger, there is no other way to put it. He said that by taking off irresponsibly like I did cost them the friendship of someone they’d planned on introducing to me. He never admitted that it was the 53 year old they’d basically sold me to. Father stated that because of the social relations that had been damaged and impacted by my actions, I owe them approximately $85,000 in reparations. He also claims that he will be taking me to court if I don’t pay it in full within 30 days and return home as I obviously cannot be trusted. I plan to ignore that as I believe him to be bluffing. He ended his email/rant with “You belong to me, and I won’t tolerate such defiance when we’ve put a roof over your head and taken care of you for your entire life. You were never the child we expected, it’s time you make up for your deficiencies. I expect you home within the next two weeks.” Yeah. No. My Siblings were basically copies of my father’s email, admonishing me for throwing the efforts of our parent’s in their faces before running off like a coward unwilling to face the fallout of my actions. I skimmed them honestly, before just deleting them. It’s nothing I didn’t expect. However, my sister in law, she’s married to my eldest brother, sent her own email before asking me not to reply as she would be deleting every sign she sent it from her end. She congratulated me on stepping out on my own and getting away from my parent’s and their demands. She said that she herself hadn’t been strong willed enough to stand up to her parent’s when they basically betrothed her to my brother. Which makes sense as I remember that they met and then married within 6 months, and even then I thought that was a bit strange. She pleaded with me not to return, and not to reply. That was it. It was a bit unnerving honestly, as I do believe her, and I’m sad that she is stuck the way she is. The last email was from my best friend. She said that the morning after I flew out, my parent’s had been on their doorstep demanding to see me. Apparently they believed I was hiding with her. They refused to leave, screaming for me to stop pretending I wasn’t there. It caused enough of a scene that the police were called, but they only talked to my parent’s briefly and let them leave. It really angered my friend, who’d wanted them arrested for threats and trespassing. The police only claimed that there “Wasn’t a pattern of behavior that would warrant them being arrested and charged.” Before just leaving. She didn’t know when they realized I wasn’t there at her house, but they didn’t come back thankfully. However, word has spread of me ‘fleeing the safety of my parent’s home’ and how they wanted me to return as they ‘were concerned and fearful of what may happen with me out on the streets alone’. The church ward has actually done searches of the area trying to find me. I don’t know what they’ll do from here, but they have no idea I left the country, let alone the state. My friend has no plans to say anything, and neither do I. As far as I’m concerned right now, they can live with that state of wondering for the rest of eternity. I don’t think I will renounce my US Citizenship, as there may come a day when I need it and it’s better to be safe than sorry. But I have full plans to gain dual citizenship as soon as I am able to. That’s it for now, no other parts yet, but if anything changes I’ll let you know. I want to thank you all for your comments and private messages, it feels like I’ve got friends and family on my side and I cannot tell you how much that means to me. Truly, thank you, all of you. &#x200B; [**Update 3**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/15ooz8m/update_3_im_leaving_my_family/) **posted on August 11, 2023** So much advice and support from everyone, I cannot thank you all enough. I thought with all the comments and questions I thought I’d answer here and explain what’s happened since my last post. Ironically, my use of maths instead of just math comes from my mother who is British and met my father in England when they were 22. So I do come by it naturally and my siblings say it that way as well. I thank you for drawing my attention to the tt videos broadcasting my story, though why they changed the name I don’t know. I did report them but we’ll have to see if they ever pull the videos down or at least edit them. Second is people questioning why I chose South Africa and Johannesburg of all places because of how dangerous it can be. I do understand the risks, but there is nowhere on this planet that is inherently danger free. Africa is massive and incredibly diverse, finding someone would be very difficult and because those videos got so much attention I have left Johannesburg sadly. I’m very far though obviously still in Africa. The area I’m in now is incredibly safe, and came highly recommended by several people. Settling here will be very comfortable and the people are wonderful. I may even attend the university here and get a degree. I haven't replied to the emails, but I have saved them and printed copies and laminating them just in case. I will not be renouncing my US Citizenship, and my passport is good for another 8 years. I don't hate religion, regardless of what it is. In my eyes, a persons relationship with God is incredibly personal. If a person connects with him via camping, or walks, long drives listening to music, acts of service - that's their choice and it’s just as valid in my opinion as sitting in a pew is. Possibly more as they're at honest with themselves instead of just putting on a false façade for the public eye. I plan on ignoring any further emails from my family, other than printing them out just in case. They’ve made several phone calls to my friend whose had fun with them. “The first time your father called yelling that I hand you over I pretended to be cowed and gave him your ‘location’, it took him to a strip club. He came back screaming at how I head embarrassed him, I just hung up on him honestly.” She did that each time they called, giving a different location each time. Her favorite was sending my parents to a nudist retreat, my mother passed out apparently. My friend is looking to move and eventually plans to join me but will jump around a bit so that they don't follow her to me. I did finally read my uncle’s email, but it was just a copy of my father's with the added comment that he and his fellow cops would be looking for me to bring me home safe before I ‘got myself in trouble and hurt.’ I am being watchful, and I know better than to wander into dark alleyways and abandoned places. That’s all I’ve got for now, if anything changes I’ll let you all know. It’s heartwarming seeing and reading how many people are on my side and in my corner. I’ve actually begun printing out everyone’s messages and comments to put in a binder I can look back on later. Truly thank you all, I mean it. **Relevant comment:** *On being forced to marry even though OOP is an adult:* **OP**: Pressure via local church wards, it is easier to move on when I don't have them standing over me forcing their choices in place of my own. I honestly don't know if I'd be strong willed enough to stand up to my father in person just yet. Maybe one day in the future when I know who I am outside of what I've been forced to be. &#x200B; [**Update 4**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/161ncdd/update_4_im_leaving_my_family/) **posted on August 26, 2023** Hello everyone, it’s been a while since my last update and a few things have happened that I was told by my friend that I needed to share since everyone was still clearly rooting for me. I have settled in a bit here, and am now enjoying the fun of paperwork, oh so much paperwork. I have secured an apartment, and while it’s two bedrooms, one is for my friend when she comes to join me. I’ve made a few acquaintances here locally and am beginning to stand on my own a bit. My biggest challenge has been dealing with feeling uncomfortable because I don’t know all of those ‘unspoken rules’ the way I did in the US. As such, I’m constantly second guessing myself but hopefully that will fade with time. So… Family. My family has learned I left the state, how they did, I’m not sure. They do, however, seem convinced that I am still in the continental US. My friend works as a cartoonist, and while she doesn’t make a large amount of money, she makes more than enough to live comfortably. She’s getting ready to leave herself and decided to send my parents a… farewell gift. She didn’t tell me about this until just a little bit ago. She spent a few hours carefully drawing my parent’s as they visited each location she sent them to, including their reactions and all scenes were ended with the phrase ‘Abade-Abade-Abade That’s All Folks.’ Sadly while I’ve never seen looney tunes? As she named it, she said she portrayed my dad as similar to a… coyote? I’m still not a 100% sure what that means, but she said everyone else would. Before then ordering me to watch it. Maybe one day. She should be joining me around October 9th, after country hopping several times. All the things she hasn’t sold are in a secured storage unit, including the things she’s been holding for me. The biggest… revelation came after my father… well he had a meltdown apparently after I never responded to him. He got into a fight with my mother in church, and many things were said. Among those, according to several that my mother had cheated on my father, which, well… led to me. Which is why she never liked me I guess as I just reminded her of her mistakes. My father took her back in spite of that, but well, there it is. It caused a big stir in the ward, and meetings were held though I obviously don’t know what was said or done. I may never know honestly. I am trying to move on and am even contemplating getting a tattoo. Part of me really wants to, while another points out that if I … change enough and father finds me, he won’t want me then. That’s all really for now. I’m not sure if I’ll have anything else to share but if anything happens I’ll let you all know. Thank you for all the messages and comments, I do read them all. And it means more than you’ll ever know. &#x200B; **Marking as ongoing because there is no word on whether or not the friend got there safely.** **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

I'm leaving my family

ONGOING

margiebabie

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16uqi7g/im_leaving_my_family/

16usyu8

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Neshdim **in** r/relationship_advice trigger warnings: >!depression!< mood spoilers: >!positive mainly!< Thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU.   For context OOP lives in Turkey, normally military service is 6 months, but there was a law passed in 2019 that allowed for one month's service with a payment of 31,000 Turkish Lira ($1130 USD). &#x200B; [**I (25M) went to serve in the military for 1 month and came back to find my GF (24F) had changed**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/16e128g/i_25m_went_to_serve_in_the_military_for_1_month/?share_id=oGVKFaODeJiHqNrYIm8PK&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) **- 9th September 2023** Hello reddit. Me and my gf have been dating for 2 years. I was planning to propose in the next 3 months and I was extremely sure that she was going to say yes, as we have been planning our lives together. She was hinting that I should propose by sending me cheeky proposal posts, signaling that she wants an engagement ring on her finger, and she sometimes would say "When we get married..." We live together. Admittedly we started fast and we rushed into things. We started living together a month into our relationship. We have been living together ever since. She was always so loving with me. This is the best relationship I've ever had. She always made me feel loved, cared for, and even if she is somewhat selfish by nature, she ALWAYS put me first. And she loves me very much. And I love her very much. I have been the perfect boyfriend. I kept on taking her on dates, giving her gifts, helping her around the house, solving her problems and giving her affection and care. We never fought, not even once. But then, things changed. I had to go and serve in the military for a month. She dropped me off to the bus station, kissed me, hugged me, cried, said that she loves me and would miss me a lot etc. While I was in the military, she sent me texts saying how much she misses me & and she called me frequently, speaking in a loving manner. After about 4 days though, this stopped. During the month we barely spoke, and only when I called. She sent me 20 texts at least. When I came back, she came to welcome me. She was very distant. She didn't even seem happy that I was back. Everything felt off about her. We went back to our home and I asked what was wrong and why she was acting this way. We spoke about it for hours and she said that during my absence she realized that she had too much love and wanted to cool off a bit. She said we rushed into things and she wants me to move out, as she was not ready for this kind of life where we live together. She said that she wanted to live a little and not do everything together. She wanted to go on dates with me and experience the things we haven't experienced because we immediately moved in together. She wants to go out and have fun on her own too and she wants the space for herself, her own order of things. She is studying medicine and she's in her last year, and she wants to focus more on that too. I said okay, I will move out. But I don't feel like this explains her being so distant. I asked if there was somebody else and she said no. She said that she only wants to live her life like a 24 year old and not a 30 year old. I don't keep her from dressing the way she wants or I don't get jealous when she goes out with friends. But I understand that me being there 24/7 can make her feel burnt out. She said she loves me and wants to keep working on the relationship and everything will be better for us this way. But I feel kind of icky about this. I feel like our relationship is dying. Everything changed so fast and she doesn't even say I love you back when I say it. I feel like there's a distance between us all the time. I got a house and I'm moving out tomorrow. I canceled my plans to propose and I'm ready to take it slow like she wants to. I feel like this can break us though. Can our relationship survive this? Why can this happen? What's the outlook? **Comments** OOP on the military service >Yes, it was mandatory service. I should have made it clear honestly. My mistake. *You were absent for a month. Which could have triggered some abandonment wounds and left her feeling like she needs to focus on being there for herself. It isn't your fault. It sounds like she is still figuring out how she feels. Give her time. Treat her kindly and have compassion. She just went through alot.* >That's another possibility. The month of me being absent coincided with the start of her internship, during which she was extremely busy, would never eat, even had a patient die in her care. It seems to me her affection and sweetness is coming back, and I hope everything stays well. **User1** *Whether there’s someone else or not, she’s making it clear she doesn’t want to be with you. She’s just trying to be nice about it by saying you all can still work on it. Take the hints. Move out and move on. It sucks for a 2 year relationship to end, but life goes on and I promise you will meet someone else even better at some point.* **User2** *Its better to end things in 2 years instead of being in a unhappy relationship for 10 years* **User3** *You’re in a relationship for 2 years.* *You go away for a month of military training.* *After 4 days of your absence, she realizes she’s been making a mistake with you for the past 2 years and wants to revert to the early stages of dating. While you’re going through (what I’m assuming is) stressful training, the communication slows to a trickle.* *My friend, this is a tale as old as time. I’m a Senior Noncommissioned Officer in the US Army, and I’m here to tell you there’s a significant likelihood Jody got your girl.* *Who’s Jody?* *Jody is the person who fucks around with your significant other while you’re gone.* *Jody’s gender is irrelevant. Sometimes Jody has been waiting for the opportunity to pounce, and sometimes your S/O has been waiting for an opportunity to open the door for Jody. Many soldiers get the “Dear John” letter while they’re in initial training or deployed away from home, and Jody is often a catalyst in the S/O’s decision to end things.* *It could be worse: sometimes your S/O empties your bank account and lets Jody drive your car and use your stuff.* *It is entirely possible that there’s nobody else, but I’ll bet a dollar she starts dating another person in less than 45 days. Maybe she’ll tell you she doesn’t want to be exclusive anymore, maybe she won’t.*   [**UPDATE to: I (25M) went to serve in the military for 1 month and came back to see my GF (24F) had changed**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/16euexx/update_to_i_25m_went_to_serve_in_the_military_for/) **- 10th September 2023** First of all, thank you for your thoughtful comments. It meant a lot for me to see you coming to my support and providing valuable insights. She said "I love you" unprompted the evening of the day I made this post. I thought this was my go sign and started up a conversation about our relationship. It was a really good talk. She was honest and I could feel it. I will be honest with you too. To address the obvious thought everyone had: I thought she could've cheated as well but nothing like that happened. She has made it clear that she didn't cheat in a respectable, clear way and tone. And I am convinced she didn't. I trust this without any doubts now. Although all the comments about Jody made me laugh! I needed a good laugh. This being a "soft breakup" was my other concern. I asked her if she considered breaking up with me and she said the thought came into her mind, but she didn't want to as she loves me and was sure that she would love the future we will have. She didn't want a life without me. I asked if me moving out will eventually lead to a breakup and she said she doesn't think it will, that she thinks it'll only make us stronger. The problem was, as it turns out, that I went from being a happy person to someone who was worrying and depressed. She only realized this was the case when I was gone and I wasn't around to spread negativity anymore. She said that she fell in love with me because I was happy and eccentric. She mentioned that while I was doing things that a good boyfriend would do, she felt I was doing them out of duty and that I used to be very excited about buying her flowers. But lately, when I came home with flowers, I didn't celebrate this small occasion with her. I just gave them to her and went to bed. I admit, I have been very sulky the past few months. I was always worrying about my career, finances, and not being able to accomplish my future goals. I had already realized this while I was serving, and worked through it myself. I think I am in a better place now and she says she saw that I am. Her solution to this was me moving out. My negative energy (I wasn't aware it was so contagious) wouldn't affect her anymore. Because it did, and she already has a lot to worry about. She needs a positive attitude to stay strong and I was making that harder. She also realized that we were too codependent and too much in a routine. She thought me moving out would solve this also. I agree. We both were very independent people at the start, but then we got lost in love. I was always waiting for her to come home and she was always waiting for me to do anything. This ordeal made life somehow stale. She realized that because I did so much for her, she became heavily dependent on me to solve her problems, making her feel weak and incapable. Because of this reliance, she even had a hard time paying the bill and this got to her. She missed her old self, the one with confidence and power. I realized that I lost myself too. I was a social person who commonly took the initiative to do something, with a lot of flash and crash in my life. I lost that, I lost friends and I lost my active lifestyle. She wants to go out with friends and not include me in everything. She wants to not worry about the things she says while with friends because I might be uncomfortable with it. She wants to sometimes take long walks alone. She doesn't want to ask me every time she wants to buy something. She doesn't want to feel guilty when her day-to-day plans don't include me. A problem some of you may have big issues with: She admitted that she received flirtatious male attention when doing her internship at school. I wasn't surprised as she is very good looking and with a very feminine personality to boot. She says she would never cheat on me, and didn't want to respond to anything, never considered anyone else but me in her life, but she liked it. She enjoyed the ego boost and that made her feel guilty. Guilty that she could like such a thing while I was away facing hardship. I said it was normal to like attention from the opposite sex, especially when you're lonely. I appreciated that she immediately tried to shut down advances and stayed committed and loyal to me. I don't think this will be a problem and she looked very relieved when I thought it wasn't a big deal. In the end, she said that she missed the old me, the one that was happy and excited about the little things. She said she loves me very much and she is ready to continue the relationship we had before if I could get away from my sulky self finally. She tried to make me happy but I was feeling bad for too long. Me regaining myself meant us regaining the amazing relationship we had. Us shedding away our codependence meant us having a stronger, more stable future where nothing like this happens again. After the talk everything changed for the better. She looked so relieved and I gave her my word that I will try to not fall into this situation again. She hugged and kissed me, and gave me a gift she bought for me while I was away. I took her out to a nice place to drink and celebrate afterwards. I felt happy and unencumbrant for the first time in a long time. We had an amazing time and discussed many things. We came back home to have the most intimate and amazing sex we had since the beginning of our relationship and stayed up all night cuddling and listening to music. So, things are looking good for us right now. I thank all of you again for your support and especially the longer messages that were speaking from experience really helped me. I am very happy we got over this and I'm very excited about the future. Thanks again, reddit. &#x200B; **Comments** *This really bothers me. I'm glad you both worked it out, but I hate the way she treated you.* *Instead of talking to you, she became cold and distant. That's awful. Instead of being there to support you're emotional issue about concerns of your life, she asked you to move out. That's awful.* *Instead of just saying let's hang out without each other and with our own respective friends, she asked you to move out. The better solution is to just... do those things she is bothered by. There is no reason she can't go out with her friends without you... there is no reason she can't just... pay a bill...* *Reading this made me think that the thing you both need, is couples therapy. Maybe even individual therapy could be good for you both.* >Maybe, if it comes to that I'll be open to therapy. I know her solution sucks and there are other ways to go by solving this but will it comfort her the same? She wants this and this is the solution she thinks will work. If this doesn't work, I have no blame. If I insist on another solution and it doesn't work, she'll be thinking "Maybe if we tried my solution..." >I'm playing ball. Worst case scenario I'll already have a house to go back to. Most importantly these are her wishes and I respect them. If one day my wishes arise, she will respect them too. >You're right in your way of thinking, and I'll not forget the way she became distant during my time in the military, but I've already forgiven her. Our relationship was more than this ordeal, and she has been more than supportive in the past. &#x200B; *You’re far too trusting and she’s out of touch with herself at best. You don’t move out your long term partner, enjoy the attention of others, and admit you want to hang out with friends without “thinking about what you’re saying” (I.e respecting your partner) because you want to work on your relationship. You both are just drawing out your breakup pretty clearly, she just wants to be single. I just hope she has the integrity to end things if she comes to that realization herself instead of jerking you around or becoming manipulative.* &#x200B; >I can see how it's not positive, but at the moment I think I'll ride this. I'll be prepared if it doesn't seem to work out, but currently we're okay and I love her, that is reason enough. > >People are saying that she'll cheat on me, and she wants to live the single life, I don't think so. I was supposed to move out today but she asked me to stay. &#x200B; >Of course, you're right. She didn't support me during a time where I needed support the most. But I can see her perspective. When I did go through a tough time, she was with me. She did support me then, she really made an effort, which is why I can understand she could be tired of the whole thing when I was away. &#x200B; >If we do break up, that's fine. I'm a young man and I can handle some heartbreak if it comes my way in the future. No reason to abandon someone you love just to avoid that. If we don't, that's amazing. But I want to work on this, and as long as she does too hopefully we'll end up building a better relationship for the both of us. &#x200B; *I don't know why you're getting downvoted for this, it's a mature way of looking at the situation. Literally all relationships are a kind of work/maintenance, and it only falls through if one of you stops doing the work. If you don't want to be the one stopping the work and ending it, that's your choice. You can't control other people, so they might stop doing the work down the road (just like anyone) and it sounds like you understand that. Kudos* >It's because I didn't break up and decided to try to stay and fix things at my expense if necessary. It's a commendable notion I would think - but apparently people don't like it. Thanks for your input! &#x200B; **There is a small [update from OOP](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16usyu8/comment/k4ajzyn/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) in this post.**   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

I went to serve in the military for 1 month and came back to find my GF had changed.

ONGOING

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16usyu8/i_went_to_serve_in_the_military_for_1_month_and/

16v1ccz

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ThrowRAgarliccollide **My (23F) boyfriend's mother (56F) keeps putting an ingredient I'm allergic to in her dishes.** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Attempted poisoning, emotional manipulation!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/h4CWuRIBvr) **Sept 19, 2023** This has been somewhat of a nightmare so any advice would be amazing. My boyfriend is also 23 for clarity. I have a garlic allergy. It's not lethal, and I definitely wouldn't get anaphylaxis or something from it. The problem is that I get asthma if I eat it and it'll really mess with my digestion later. Everyone in my life knows that I can't have garlic and I won't have garlic. It makes eating out a nightmare because of how prevalent it is. So usually my boyfriend and I have date nights at our apartment and we cook for each other. But my boyfriend's mom has a family tradition and she insists we all come to dinner at least once a month. She's a fantastic cook and usually a really nice lady to be around, but there's one problem. She wants me to come every time, but she always adds garlic! To every dish! At this point, I've just started taking an inhaler and just eating the Hawaiian rolls she always serves. My boyfriend drives us, and we just go get fast food right after. We've talked to her over and over again about the garlic. I've asked her over and over to please not use garlic. And she says she doesn't understand how it's "such a big deal" because "it's not like you'll die". I've tried skipping the meals, but she throws a fit and drags her entire family into it. I've been with my boyfriend for three years now and I'm best friends with his sister. I'm at my wits end. How do I get this through to her? TLDR: My boyfriend's mom insists on serving food with garlic at every meal even though I'm allergic. ETA: I have brought my own food before, usually something simple like a mac and cheese. I did it twice, but both times she was angry and basically made for an incredibly unhappy evening. [Update](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/evRPZF7M3k) **Sept 21, 2023** So, hi again, and thanks for the advice! I also saw that there was already a YouTube and TikTok video on my post which was weird, but I digress. Anyways, onto the update. To those of you who said she just didn't like me: you were 100% correct. After my boyfriend woke up yesterday, we had a long talk about how bothersome his mother's refusal to take out garlic is. He agreed that we should skip the dinner until she takes it out. Something about it still bothered me so I ended up calling her and just bluntly asking her. She kept evading the question, saying she's just a garlic lover, that she doesn't understand what the big deal is, et cetera, et cetera. Finally, after like thirty minutes of back and forth, she finally admitted that she just doesn't like me. I think I'm correct in drawing the conclusion that she was trying to drive me from her family with garlic shenanigans but maybe I'm just overthinking, I dunno. Anyways, I asked if it was because of my job (receptionist), my age, background, whatever. And she just flat out told me that she doesn't like that I have my septum and tongue done, and that I color my hair "unnatural colors". She thinks it's unprofessional and proves that I'm too much of a "wild child" to date her son. Which sucks, because I really like this woman but I guess she was just polite out of courtesy rather than actually liking me herself. After I ended the call, I went to go find my boyfriend and he basically fessed up and said that yeah, his mother was not a fan and kept basically hinting that we should break up. Mostly by mentioning stuff like "my friend Jenny has such a cute daughter" and that sort of thing. Which hurts like hell, but I'm glad I know. Anyways, my boyfriend and his sister have both agreed to just start up a group dinner once a month. I'm going to stop going to the dinners, and my boyfriend will just go without me. TLDR: Woman just doesn't like me. Update: I can officially say I've gotten the ick. This man sucks. Update 2: I'm going to break up with him tomorrow. I'm too sleepy and pissed, but I'll post an update on my profile. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Cats_Meow_504** >Honestly, this is one of those situations in which you would be justified to leave. >Your boyfriend could have told you she didn’t like you. He could’ve told you he suspected she was doing it on purpose. >My boyfriend would never have me at his parents’ home for food if they did something like this. (They wouldn’t. They’re lovely people who know I can’t always eat certain foods.) >Your boyfriend has done absolutely nothing to protect you from this behavior. >You can do better. **OOP replied** >>I'll be honest, this entire reveal has left a bad taste in my mouth of "what else have they hidden?" I just...I dunno, it bothers me that he didn't tell me and his reasoning for not telling me was that he hoped she'd get over it and he wanted to spare my feelings. Which...is really goddamn shitty. **Niccels11** >>>Op, what about your best friend? Did she know what her mother was doing? **OOP replied** >>>>She did, unfortunately [Update 2 - We did break up!](https://reddit.com/u/ThrowRAgarliccollide/s/oLWdhtZyh9) **Sept 22, 2023** Hi! Me again. I broke up with him and basically spent the day fielding texts from him asking wtf was going on and why I was freaking out over his mom. As I said in the update, I got the ick. The more I thought about how he didn't defend me to his mother, refused to tell me about her underhanded tactics, the more I just didn't like him anymore. It was like a switch flipped. So when he woke up, he got a call from me saying this wouldn't work out. We had a long conversation that basically turned into him being defensive. In the end, I was firm. I also sent a text to his sister along the lines of If you've got questions, ask your brother. Before I blocked her, of course. It's kind of shitty that I lost my best friend and my boyfriend, but on the bright side, at least it wasn't cheating and they just suck. Thank you everyone for the advice, and hopefully I find a better man with a better family. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Andre3000insideDAMN** >This is why I would never recommend anyone field advice from Reddit. Why in the world would you block your best friend/bf’s sister because your bf wouldn’t tell you his mom doesn’t like you? Also, there was no real reason for your ex to tell you that his mom didn’t like you. He’s not going to stop talking to his mom because she doesn’t like who he’s dating (which is very common btw). He was probably hoping that she’d come around to you eventually. **OOP replied** >>I'd prefer not to get served meals with something I'm allergic to. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My (23F) boyfriend's mother (56F) keeps putting an ingredient I'm allergic to in her dishes.

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16v1ccz/my_23f_boyfriends_mother_56f_keeps_putting_an/

16v1cwa

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/avocadoshower **[Clam-Chowdering] Billie said Rhode Island clam chowder was for true seafood-lovers and Alice wasn't having it!** **Originally posted to** r/HobbyDrama **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Derogatory slur used, verbal abuse, death of a friend!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/HobbyDrama/s/oWHSN1sKru)  **June 9, 2018** I like to make soup, particularly clam chowder. A few years ago, a Facebook group started, involving several of us who regularly posted comments on different recipe/soup groups. We swap recipes and tips and some people have gone to clam chowder festivals and met up. It's all been fine. Until last year. Last year, Billie entered a Rhode Island clam chowder into a church potluck "best recipe" contest and she won second place. She was over the moon and posted about her success. The picture of the the clam chowder and red ribbon also included the index card that was printed with her recipe. On it, she had written that Rhode Island clam chowder is the best for true seafood-lovers, because it contains neither the dairy of New England clam chowder or the tomato of Manhattan clam chowder. Well, Alice read this and she was pissed. She posted a long rant about how she was a true seafood lover, she eats it every time its on a menu (which doesn't seem super discerning, but whatever), she's married to a professional fisherman [not sure that that's true--she lives in Oklahoma?] and how when she went to Pike Place Market in Seattle, people thought she worked there, that's how much she knows about seafood, etc. Billie politely replied that she was just giving her recipe some personality, and that it was a cute way to explain the differences between Rhode Island/Manhattan/New England clam chowder. (There are other variations, too, but those are the two most commonly known.) That's when Mallory (Alice's clam chowder group BFF) jumped in and said recipes don't need "personality", the food is the personality, and that thinking that made Billie a "retard." Alice liked this comment. George jumped in and said "retard" was inappropriate language, and Mallory either needed to delete the comment or be banned from commenting. This sent Mallory and Alice on a spiral of pure profanity, which was unfortunate, because George is not a mod and actually had no power to ban anyone. (The mod of the group is either over it or dead--she hasn't posted in forever.) Once Alice realized nothing she said could really be muted, she went all out. She told Billie to go fuck her Rhode Island clam chowder, because only New England clam chowder is legitimate clam chowder. Billie had wisely quit on this whole thread and didn't respond. But George did. And if you thought Alice was pissed about Billie's true seafood-lover comment, you ain't seen nothing yet. The man straight up doxxed Alice because she insulted Manhattan clam chowder! Her home address, her phone numbers, her workplace, all of it. Then, he started sending her clam chowder in the mail! Like, it was beyond. Alice's husband came in and threatened to go to the police, but George hadn't technically threatened Alice. He'd just sent her clam chowder. (Would the police consider it a crime? We may never know. After about 80 curse-filled comments, Alice's husband told George to fuck himself one more time and left.) So everyone who used to be mad at Alice for attacking Billie got mad at George for attacking Alice. And it went round and round for like an entire weekend. Finally, Alice and Mallory just stopped posting in the group and George feels free to comment on every single post about every single type of clam chowder with his pro-Manhattan stance, which everyone ignores. I don't log in very often and had almost forgotten about all of this UNTIL the other day. When Billie posted that she's planning on trying a new recipe for her church potluck this year and that she'll keep us updated!!! [An update to the drama that is a clam-chowder facebook group.](https://reddit.com/r/HobbyDrama/s/aKhnHPQrsE)  **July 18, 2018** I checked back in to the clam-chowder facebook group. Things are pretty calm around there...ahahaha. Just kidding. There is #drama. For those of you who may not remember, I previously reported on some clam-chowder brouhahas that stemmed from Billie's description of her second-place-prize-winning Rhode Island clam chowder. Here is that story. Billie recently posted that for her 2018 church potluck, she'll be making a [minorcan](https://authenticflorida.com/authentic-minorcan-clam-chowder-recipe/) clam chowder. Alice (ugh) commented that she doesn't care for the minorcan, as it is "too spicy." Billie replied "Well, that's because you're a basic bitch." And that mic just got fucking dropped. [Update 2 - with a side of season 2 "The Good Place" spoilers.](https://reddit.com/r/HobbyDrama/s/SGehnuR306)  **Sept 5, 2018** As the title suggests, there are spoilers for season 2 of the NBC television show "The Good Place." As r/HobbyDrama regulars may remember, I am part of a drama-laden Facebook group that originally began as a recipe-swap for clam chowder lovers. As viewers of the show "The Good Place" know, season 2 began with multiple reboots of The Good Place. This was controversial for some viewers...not in the least, George. (Oh yes, George is **back.**) In version 802, The Good Place included a clam chowder fountain. This soup is heavily criticized by the character of Eleanor, who apparently calls it "a hot latte with bugs" at one point. She also says that clam chowder is "hot ocean milk with dead animals." These descriptions made me laugh. They did not make George laugh. Since starting season 2 on Netflix, George has attempted to lead a clam-chowder-group rebellion to the show. He has apparently drafted letters to NBC asking that they apologize. He wanted to send some clam chowder to the cast, to convince them of the food's merits, but was "crushed" to learn that, apparently, Ted Danson and Kristen Bell are vegetarians. And because season 3 will be in a new reality, George would be "very happy indeed" if Eleanor's love of shrimp ("shrampies" in the show's parlance) is replaced by a love of clam chowder. No one is on board with this, namely because most people don't watch the show. Billie did comment that "that man in the glasses looks like the guy from Cheers" and Ryan (a usually quiet member) did post a few memes from the show, but got very little reaction other than George's outrage, so slipped back into the shadows. It's not big drama. But it's chowder drama. [Update 3 - Someone didn't get an invite to the clam chowder festival](https://reddit.com/r/HobbyDrama/s/Oxipa1hVpL)  **Feb 15, 2019** It's been awhile since I have had any updates to the crazy that is my clam chowder Facebook group. For those of you who aren't familiar, here is the first post and here is the second...If you didn't click, just know that a small, closed group of mostly older clam chowder enthusiasts exists on Facebook and there is **drama.** Well, after not really being on Facebook for awhile, I recently dipped back in and boy, did I miss something. Seriously. Somehow, someway--Billie is now friends with Mallory, she of the "retard" comment of yesteryear! I honestly missed how that happened, but apparently, they've started swapping seafood soup recipes in general, not just clam chowders. It's been going on for awhile, and Alice (Mallory's apparently former clam-chowder group BFF) keeps posting kind, supportive comments on these recipe conversations--which all take place on the general page, not in closed conversation--but Mallory is straight up ignoring them. Billie replied once, to a comment Alice left in November. She said "That's nice, dear" and nothing else. Which is about as Bye, Felicia as I think Billie can get. And while Alice is supportive of these new seafood soup discussions--she even made a lobster bisque, you guys!--guess who is not happy about the expanded topic of conversation? Our man George. He's on a mission to get everyone back on track, keeping it all clam chowder, all the time. He has apparently been in contact with Facebook to be added as an admin, because the person who started the group has been absent for years. That way, he can someday remove the posts he finds offensive. In the meantime, he regularly posts rules and regulations about what can and cannot be discussed, but everyone is ignoring it. Someone even posted about the Super Bowl, which left George "speechless" at their "audacity" to "ruin" the "sanctity" of clam chowder group. Anway--George, Alice, and Mallory are all supposed to attend a clam chowder festival in a couple of weeks. When George posted this, trying to set up a meetup, no one responded. (Probably because George has had little breakdowns that have resulted in him mailing people clam chowder, so meeting him in real life seems like a super sketchy idea...) Mallory promised Billie that she'd take detailed notes and pictures and report back, and Alice commented that she would also be there. After several days of no one responding to that, Alice added that things at work were getting "really hectic" and she might not make it after all, sad face. George helpfully commented that he would still definitely be there ("perks of being retired, m'dears!") and would be open to walking the festival with Mallory. Silence. Billie just wants Mallory's comments from the amateur days, though. She thinks professionals are "too fussy" with their recipes. She's also "disappointed" that the competition seems limited to just Manhattan and New England clam chowders, and she'd like to think that in the future, the festival organizers will be a little more open minded. Mallory and Alice both liked this comment. Maybe there is hope for them yet? [Update 4 - No drama, just some sad news](https://reddit.com/r/HobbyDrama/s/z6WM2ZldW9)  **June 22, 2019** I don't log into Facebook much these days, so I missed this when it was posted a few weeks ago, but I felt the need to pass this along. After a brief illness, our main man George passed away. He was 83. He is survived by his sister, nieces, many friends, and his life partner of 41 years/legally-recognized husband of the past 4, Jeremy. His beloved Italian Greyhounds gave him great comfort in his final days. May we all pour out a hot mug of Manhattan chowder for our main man, George. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

[Clam-Chowdering] Billie said Rhode Island clam chowder was for true seafood-lovers and Alice wasn't having it!

INCONCLUSIVE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16v1cwa/clamchowdering_billie_said_rhode_island_clam/

16v1dur

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/CheesecakeTricky131 **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole **Thanks to** u/Direct-Caterpillar77 **for suggesting this to the BoRU** **AITA for not wanting to name my baby after my late MIL** &nbsp;  [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13n9slf/aita_for_not_wanting_to_name_my_baby_after_my/?share_id=Imqg3fPpSgHnKffKG_-MV&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) \- **May 20, 2023** I (26f) am 5 months pregnant and me and my husband's (28m) daughter. And we can't agree on a name for the baby, like we can't even sit down and make a list of names to consider. My husband keeps insisting that he wants our daughter to be names after his mom. Her (fake) name was Mildred, so our daughter would get bullied for having an old lady name since that's just how kids are and will always be. He keeps saying we can just call her Millie but her name would still be Mildred and would still be on the role call as Mildred. Not only that but Mildred was horrible to me. She was sweet as sugar around everyone but as soon as it was the two of us she was the cruelest person imaginable and made is abundantly clear she despised me. I don't want to name my daughter after a woman who hated me from day one. My husband has never believed me when I told him how Mildred treated me and thought that it was just normal for a MIL and DIL to disagree and that I was just overexaggerating. He and Mildred where very close, he's visit her all the time, call all the time, everything. Towards the end he'd visit her multiple times a week in the hospital, usually for hours at a time. He'd go straight to her after work and stayed until he was told to leave. Her death devastated him so I understand that he wants to honor her but I can't ignore how she treated me when he wasn't around. I feel like I'm losing my mind, my husband doesn't want to call our daughter anything but Mildred and I want to call her anything other then Mildred. Am I really the asshole? edit: My husband won't compromise, he doesn't want Mildred as a middle name, his reasoning be that "no one cares about middle names" and that since it won't be her first name it won't really be honoring her, at least not enough since Mildred is our daughters grandmother and not a great aunt or something **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** &nbsp; **RELEVANT COMMENTS** ***LittleLostSadDeer:*** *NTA, but your husband is for denying your feelings.* *Here’s a question I haven’t seen yet: did your MIL even like the name “Mildred?”* >**OOP:** she liked everything the "old fashioned way" so I'd assume so, I never asked if she liked her name, she died a few years back, before me and husband seriously considered if and when we wanted kids ***AntiqueAd8143:*** *I would die on this hill op Mildred is an ugly and old fashioned name. The fact he doesn’t believe you about how she treated you alone is a huge red flag and honestly I would give your husband a wake up call And let him read all The comments.* ***Aggravating-Pain9249:*** *Please tell your husband, it is NOT normal for a DiL - Mil to always argue or disagree.* *Most well adjusted people understand boundaries and try not to over step, apologize when they do, and try their best to get along.* *He sounds like he was a momma's boy and it was her death that finally cut the strings. I would bet he never supported you when disagreements occurred.* *If you are willing to agree to Mildred as a middle name, he should be happy. It is an old fashioned name, and teachers often call out kids by their full name, at least at first.* *This is a hill I would die on. You had a bad relationship with her. That name is just off your list, so it can not be considered.* *NTA* >**OOP:** It's a hill I intend to die on, unfortunately my husbands wants to die on the opposite hill &nbsp;  [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16p881r/update_aita_for_not_wanting_to_name_my_baby_after/?share_id=ESJFtDeiYL_2y2f-OkZ2t&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) \- **September 22, 2023 (Four months later)** We found a compromise. It took me having to track down an ex to tell him that Mildred wasn't all sugar and spice and everything nice but he finally understood and we had a long talk. He still wanted to call the baby Mildred but agreed it was a little too old, we compromised on "Amelia" with Millie for short so that there's still an homage to Mildred as they were very close. I'm ready to pop and we're happier then ever. &nbsp;  **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITA for not wanting to name my baby after my late MIL

CONCLUDED

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16v1dur/aita_for_not_wanting_to_name_my_baby_after_my/

16vdl4u

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/lemongrab_11 **Originally posted to** r/AITAH **Thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this to BoRU** **AITAH for wanting to divorce my husband over a sport** **Editor's Note: Added spaces to make all posts readable** Trigger Warnings: >!infidelity, gaslighting, manipulation!< --- &nbsp; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1676kkd/aitah_for_wanting_to_divorce_my_husband_over_a/?share_id=rvXJtdXBAlEh_lQlRlnNG&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **September 1, 2023** Obviously this isn’t only about a sport but let me get into it. I should preface by saying Me (F23) and my husband (M26) have both been toxic with each other so I’m no saint either. Recently he started playing a sport with work friends which is cool. Sunday he said he would like to go play, we always hang out with each other on the weekends so I was a bit upset but he told me he’d be back at 9pm since he was leaving at 5:30pm. He ends up going and stays out till 1am. I was pissed since he kept texting me that he was leaving. The reason he came home at 1 is because someone bashed their head and they took him to the ER. He left his phone in the car and couldn’t text me about it. I got over it. Monday he says he wants to practice again after work and told them he has to leave by 6 to get home for dinner. He ends up staying till 10-10:30pm (again he kept texting me “I’m leaving now sorry” and wouldn’t leave) he apologized again but I was upset. Tuesday & Wednesday he does the same thing. I haven’t even seen him at all and I’m upset. I tell him that he can’t be coming home that late, I want to spend time with him and have dinner before bed. We get into a huge argument because he gave me a compromise, he would go Tuesday, Thursdays and Friday, Saturday or Sunday if there’s a game. I said I would agree as long as he came home at 8:30. Two hours of playing was not good enough for him (they usually play for 4-6 hours). He told me I don’t understand what it’s like to want to be better at something and that all I want to do is be in bed, that I’m parenting him by barking orders. He got into a small car accident Thursday morning someone hit his truck from behind I went to go check on him. Since then he’s been driving my car to go to work (35 min commute). I’ve been getting rides from coworkers (3-4min commute) but it’s inconvenient for them. I asked him if he would pick me up from work today and he was like uhh I was hoping to play today. This along with everything that has been going on and everything he’s been saying to me was the final straw for me. So I told him I wanted a divorce. He told me since everything isn’t about me recently I’m threatening him again and I don’t respect him. There’s more but what do I do ? Am I in the wrong ? Posting anonymously because he’s on Reddit and if he sees this I don’t care at this point. UPDATE: He came home at 11 yesterday and texted me “not that it’s any of your business but (some guy he plays with Im assuming) had a seizure”. Then he texts me in the morning letting me know he’s going to the gym and to pick up his phone and wallet that he left at the “gym”. &nbsp; [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16pt27u/update_aita_for_divorcing_my_husband_over_a_sport/) - **September 22, 2023 (Three weeks later)** My intuition was right, let me explain. After I posted that I tried to make things work with my husband. He said he didn’t know if he wanted to be with me that he would let me know on what he decides. I begged and begged. He said I had hurt him for mentioning divorce, that it doesn’t matter anymore, there was a 0.1% chance of us being together, that he’s been going to church and wanted different values for himself, that he could even reinvent himself if we divorced. He said I could stay instead of going back to my parents and do the things I said I would work on for me, not him and to not get my hopes up. He continued to go to play this sport, Everytime I texted him he was cruel and continued to tell me there was barely any chance of us fixing our marriage. Fast forward I decide to leave because why would I stay when he kept saying that. When I left he got angry, said he knew I wasn’t going to do the things he asked. When I landed I begged again, I said I would stay two weeks here and then go back to talk. He continued to say the meanest things. I told him I was done. This time for good. Got upset at me and again verbally abused me. The next day I get an anon fb message. He’s been having sex with someone for over 2 weeks. This hurt. Knowing that I wasn’t crazy about him playing volleyball till 11pm. I haven’t confronted him and plan to do it soon. How can he throw away 5 years of our marriage, being with each other since we had nothing. I don’t understand why he would be the person he always despised to be the most.. his dad. I’m so lost. &nbsp; **Relevant Comments from OOP:** ***seandersen143:** Don’t confront him, see if who messaged you has proof and send everything to his command(officers, not staff NCO’s) including any verbally abusive texts. He’s military, so blow his shit up. Chances are the town his base is on has a Cheaters of “name of town” Facebook group. Post his shit there. A wives of “name of base” group? Post it. You are young and will recover from this* >**OP:** The person who messaged me never sent me proof, I’m sure it was the person he’s with. I’m also sure that she’s in the military as well so she doesn’t want to get in trouble which is why I want to catch them in person and record it &nbsp; ***biteme717:** NTA, and out his affair to EVERYONE. He's been cheating for a while. Get tested for STDs and never speak to him again. Co Parent through an app. He's a liar, cheater, coward, and a pos man* >**OP:** No kids luckily.. I go back in a few days and I will be telling everyone including his CO ***biteme717** Exactly this and make sure that he can't dispute the proof.* >**OP:** Yes he doesn’t know I’m coming back, I rented a car and will be following him for a day to get proof I need, the only proof I have is the anon texts and seeing on the cameras that he’s been staying somewhere over night &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITAH for wanting to divorce my husband over a sport

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16vdl4u/aitah_for_wanting_to_divorce_my_husband_over_a/

16vekr4

"content warning" : >!alert for parental alienation, drugs, physical and emotional abuse, suicidal ideation, attempted suicide, attempted murder and suicide.!< The original op is u/Basic-Cherry-3008 &#x200B; [https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/vwqg72/im18\_just\_found\_out\_that\_my\_fatherm42\_baby/](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/vwqg72/im18_just_found_out_that_my_fatherm42_baby/) 11 July 2022 I grew up thinking my mother had abandoned us.That is what he always told me. He told me my mother packed up and left us when I turned 2 years old. I grew up to resent and hate her. Mainly because I saw how my father was working super long hours to make ends meet. I hated how my grandma basically had to raise me. When I would ask her about my mother, my grandma painted a picture of a bitter, spiteful, hateful spoiled/ entitled woman. I felt very justified in my anger and hate for her. That's what my family told me and I had absolutely no reason to doubt them. A few weeks ago I found her on social media while at my boyfriend's house. And I was so.fucking.mad.She was out there living her best life. She is a cook ( chef?) in a Michelin star restaurant. She travels, has a huge apartment, and apparently is married to a gorgeous man. In a fit of rage, I DM'd her cruising her out for abandoning me to live her frivolous life and that karma would come to her. She obviously saw it. Instead of going off on me she just asked me to meet her and that she felt like I had a right to express my anger to her in person and that she owed me as much.I was starstruck because my father said she never stood for the consequences of her actions. Without telling anyone I agreed. She invited me to this amazing restaurant. She paid an Uber for me and everything. It was very awkward at the beginning. I kept berating her. I was so angry. I cried a little. She just sat there and took it all in. I then asked her...why she abandoned me.She then asked ( this is all paraphrased) " Do you really want to know the whole story? It is not nice and you will not like it. I am ready to be the bad guy in your head forever and keep my distance."I just kept pressing her. And then she told me the real story. This is again paraphrased and to my best recollection. She told me that my father and she met shortly before ending Uni. At that time my mother had said she did not want to stay in uni town.A few months after dating my father told her, that his landlord was evicting him because the apartment was needed for immediate family use. She offered him to stay while he found something else. Moths passed and he was not doing anything. Then she got a job offer in another country. She told my father, that he could take over her apartment or come with her. They had this huge fight where my mother told him that she was not ready for the type of commitment he wanted. She wanted different things in life than him and that as much as she loved him...that they weren't compatible.They stayed living together and then one day she found out she was pregnant. She told me honestly, that she was thinking of not having me. She did not feel ready to be a mom at 22. She did not feel maternal feelings. She said she was already struggling with depression and late-diagnosed ADHD. My father convinced her to have me. He said he would take me because he had a right to me. That he would go after her because that baby was also his. So she had me.She said that the time after birth was really bad. My father was dragging out the legal procedures, he refused to vacate the home. My mother said that while she felt love for me and that there were moments when she felt overjoyed, it was overshadowed by huge waves of suicidal ideation. She was scared that she was gonna hurt me. She also showed me some of the court documents of that time that backed up her claims. In the end, she was so desperate that she agreed to stay with my father if he agreed to be the main caretaker. He did but only half-assed. My mother then told me that it got so bad, that she tried to commit suicide around my second birthday after a particularly nasty fight where my father admitted to having tampered with her birth control. She showed me the papers of the involuntary 72 hours commitment and the legal documents where she was found unfit to be a parent afterwardI felt nauseous after all that. I would have not believed her, hadn't she brought so much "evidence" with her. She then asked me what I meant in my message that we were struggling.I told her that we were not exactly rich and that I was struggling to come up with the money to go to University in another city. She was bewildered and asked me what my father had been doing with the monthly payments she was making. I told her that we don't receive that money. Then she took out another stack of papers. .... Guys.... she is sending child support every month. It is almost 3k every. month.Edit: She is court-mandated to pay me 1.5k. She doubled the payments out of her own will. She doesn't have to pay that amount. She wants to She was very concerned about this and told me she would talk to her lawyers ASAP to transfer the money to me directly.In the end, she apologized to me. She is very sorry to have put me through this. She was very sorry for not being stronger and she was very sorry for letting me grow up the way I did. She was crying... I was crying. She then told me to take my time. She would contact me again regarding the payments and that it was up to me if I wanted to see her again. That she couldn't be the mother i wanted but the least she could do is help me with anything that I need.I hugged her. I cried. She cried. I boxed up my food and she got me another uber home.At home, my father was not there. So I went straight to bed and left early the next morning and am staying with my boyfriend. My whole life is a lie. [Just found records of domestic violence from my father(42f) to my mother (40f). My(m18)life keeps crumbling.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/vxk2nu/just_found_records_of_domestic_violence_from_my/) 12 July 2022 I have found out that my mother never really abandoned me because she didn\`t want me, but because she tried to commit suicide and was deemed unfit to parent and that my father basically baby trapped my mother with me. After the post yesterday, I went snooping even more because I do not trust my father anymore.I found records of domestic abuse perpetrated by my father toward my mother. He was charged but never ended up going to jail or did a very reduced sentence. This would have been when I was 2 after my mother was committed. I also found a Restraining Order filed by my mother against my father.It was so much worse than what she said. He did not only abuse her emotionally but also physically. I am feeling so disgusted. I could just scream. I returned to my boyfriend again. My father has been calling a lot asking why I had spent so much time away from home.RN my excuse is a family emergency of my boyfriend.After yesterday's I wanted to confront him but now I don't feel safe. Any advice? [Caught my father(m42) in a lie... should I(m18) just cut my losses and cut him off from my life?](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/vzs3z5/caught_my_fatherm42_in_a_lie_should_im18_just_cut/) 15 July 2022 &#x200B; My life was put upside down for the past weeks.Tldr is that I found out my mother did not abandon me but tried to commit and was deemed an unfit parent due to her mental issues. She was giving my father 3k a month as child support. 1.5k was court-mandated 1.5k was out of her own will.I also found court records of my father being charged with physically assaulting my mother on more than one occasion. So after staying for a while with my boyfriend, I decided to go home for a while because I wanted to get my legal documents and all of that. My father came back home and we talked a bit. I just asked him " by the way.... did my mother never send you child support for me?"My father just scoffed theatrically and went on this rant about how courts are always accessible to the mother and how they told him he couldn't expect anything from her and so on. He pulled that whole story of him begging her for money when he didn't have enough money for my school supplies and her turning him down. I know this is a lie. My mother kept itemized records of all her money wires to my father. every month since she had a job. meaning for over 15 years she has sent my father money. In the beginning, she sends him 400, then 600, then 1000, and eventually 3000.Then he kept talking saying how hard it was. That he wished he would have gone after her more. But that the courts were not in his favor. He told me how even now we were barely able to go paycheque to paycheque. His rant was surreal.After he left to go god knows where I went snooping through his room where I found a stack of cash in his sock drawer. It was over 5k crammed into the back of his drawer.Things are getting worse. I feel so weird. I can not describe the ick. I have all my documents and wrote my mother so we could maybe meet again.Should I just ghost my father? [Update: I(m18) just found out that my father(m42) baby trapped my mother(f40) with me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/w8waj2/update_im18_just_found_out_that_my_fatherm42_baby/) 26 July 2022 CAUTION VERY LONGWhat has happened in my other two posts? I found court documents that confirmed that my mother had been physically assaulted by my father. Upon further research, I determined that my father spent 3 months in jail for the assault. That was when I was 4 years old, which would explain why I do not remember anything at all about that.I met with him a few days ago. This is when I asked again about Child support. Posing the question like " Hey dad, did my mother never give you any child support for me?". He denied ever receiving Child support, citing that courts will go easy on women. That same day I snooped around and found a stack of cash with over 5k in one of his drawers. I did have the data to the household account, but the 3k monthly payment was never figured in that account. Also, I scouted for withdrawals for more than 100 dollars at a time that maybe could explain the 5k stack ( which was only composed of 100-dollar bills). Nada.Some background Until posting here, I never realized that my relationship with my father was not normal. I explain more about his behavior in the previous, but as a bit of an explanation :He made me his "accountant" from a very young age. I had to keep track of expenses etc. And so many times I was having panic attacks because we would not make it to the end of the month with the money on the account. So many times my father would berate me if I ever asked to go out (e.g to the cinema) because we couldn't afford it. When he would allow me to go out it was always attached to an endless list of requirements that were absurd. Again let's take the example of the cinema. I would ask him a week prior and he'd say yes but that I had to clean the house, drive grandma to the doctor, pick up xy, Leave some dinner ready for me, and many more. So that if I did not complete one single detail ( like not bringing out the trash) he would pick up a fight with me making me feel guilty and thus staying home. He would constantly make me feel worthless. Saying I would not survive in uni, that I was not talented to do this, that I was not good enough to do that.He is extremely reactive. one time in the car I teased him that I would be for the other football( soccer) team tonight and he kicked me out of the car making me walk home alone.There are so many more examples. I thought it was merely my fault or that other dad were also like this. But suffice to say... it is not normal. What happened now?I did in fact contact my mother after finding all this out.I "confronted" her with the newfound information. She admitted that it was quite bad and she did fear for her life. My father apparently had friends in law enforcement that were following my mother and making her life impossible ( giving her tickets for the most inconsequential stuff, pulling her over for random "controls") everything possible to intimidate her or to find dirt on her. My father put her to the ultimatum of just singing over without a fight or he would make her any my life impossible. My mother told me that he had been abusing her since I was born. As early as one-week postpartum. So when my father uttered the ultimatum she felt hopeless and just tried to end it.It did not work and after she was released my father served her and battled for full custody. Because she was deemed unfit to parent it was really easy for him. She told me the court actually went pretty hard on her. About a year after that my mother attempted to establish visitation with me. She reached out to my father who invited her over. He told her that she could be in my life if she agreed to be together with him again. My mother told him no and then a fight ensued. That was the night he assaulted her. He assaulted her so badly that she wound up in the hospital. In the hospital seeing her wounds they had to report it. So he was sentenced to a year but only served 3 months.At that time custody of me was with my grandmother. My father resumed custody of me at the time of being release. I was able to corroborate all this after reaching out to my aunt who has not spoken to our family in 10 years. My aunt Mia basically documented my mother's abuse. She took pictures of her bruises, and recordings of my father screaming and threatening her. She told me that she testified against my father in court and that she could just back up everything my mother said because he was the same to her. I insisted on seeing the pictures and recordings. My aunt was resistant to this. But apart of me did not want to accept that this was reality. So yeah... my father is a fucking monster.I told my mother about everything monetarily that I had found out. She said that legally there was not much we could do. But she spoke with her lawyer and seeing as I am 18 she started the motion to start transferring me my Child support money. She said that for the time being she would give me 1.5k monthly while she still had to pay my dad the money. As soon as the process is greenlit I am going to get it all. She also agreed to pay for my Matriculation fees as well as for the deposit and first month's rent of an apartment in my uni town so that I could be as independent as possible. For now, I have only sent in my applications a couple of weeks ago, so I should get any news on that front latest by September. We decided that confronting my father was not a good idea. For neither of us. So we decided on telling my father that my boyfriend's parents invited me to vacation. But he does not know I am gay. So we plan on telling him that this is the last vacation to say goodbye to my friend.I have talked to my boyfriend and his parents. They did not even hesitate and immediately said yes. They now know everything and support me 100 percent. So my mother and his parents are sending us for 2 weeks to a nearby country where they have a summer house. I told my father about the plans and he said that as long as his parents were paying that it was alright. He did tell me that I had to help him with a million things before leaving again. So I am already seeing a fight on the horizon.But I have managed to get all my important documents and open a bank account thanks to my Aunt's help. So on Thursday, I am officially leaving for 2 weeks and I pray things to get resolved beforehand. I am taking all important stuff with me already in case things go south fast. Anyways. This has been an extremely difficult time. And I feel overwhelmed with this all. So please don't reach out probing me for an Update. I will update when I feel it is right and when i feel like I can do it. This has been very helpful. Without you guys, I would have never noticed that I had also been abused and that there is most likely more to the story. Even more than what I have found out. It has also proven very therapeutic to write this all down in a somewhat orderly fashion. So thank you so much for all the support and advice. [NEW UPDATE: I(m18) just found out that my father(m42) baby trapped my mother(f40) with me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wrvcjj/new_update_im18_just_found_out_that_my_fatherm42/)18 August 2022 I AM NOT IN THE US. Don't speculate with US laws and standards. They do not apply I am the original OP. I saw that u/alejamix had posted a recompilation of my posts on this sub and I figured this is the best way to reach out to all of you who have written me and are curious as to what is happening. This is the link to the original threat here with all the older UpdatesThings went south fast. The Wednesday night, the night before I left, my father picked up a fight with me for not taking his car for an oil change. He called me everything under the sun. Saying I am selfish and a brat, that he raised me better. He then had my grandmother come and say how disappointed they were. That I was clearly not mature enough to leave for a Holliday, let alone move away for university. They held me awake till 4 am under the guise of a family meeting, which was basically just a reprimanding session of all I had done wrong in my life. And to be honest... I was demoralized. I was ugly crying and feeling awful. Thankfully my boyfriend called because I had not answered several texts of his. He helped me transport all my stuff while my father was sleeping.And I left without telling him bye. He texted me around 1 pm and my father was acting like everything was normal. So the two weeks passed very quickly. I got a mail that I got into a university that has a very good program for political science. So I accepted and put myself on the waiting list for University accommodation. Then shit blew up. My mother suddenly stopped giving my father half the money. So she was only paying what she was legally obligated to pay. My father was losing it. He began calling screaming at me to come home at once. Then calling me crying to tell me that the bitch of my mother had reappeared and was suing him (?) and now we did not have enough money to pay for the mortgage. I called my mother to ask if she was actually suing him. She said no and said that she had just gone through the courts to start paying me directly instead of my father, which was granted.Then my grandma started texting me. Saying I had to come home right away because my father had had a cardiac arrest. Obviously, I went back home with my boyfriend. Only to find our house in literal shambles. There were beer cans, string liquor stuff, and cigarettes everywhere. Everyone that was betting that my father was using all the money on drugs and lavish stuff.... hey... congratulations... You were right. Apparently when I left my father decided to have a huge party. He invited all these friends that he made in fancy bars. I know that because the lady that was in the hospital with my dad, his GF apparently. She did not know about me, she kept talking about our house as his "summer residence". I asked her a few questions. She answered. She is actually pretty sweet but put off by my father now that she knows how he lied. So apparently my father would take the 3k and spend them almost fully on appearing to be richer. He had bought some clothing pieces that were high quality. He would hang out in these fancy hotel sky lounges where he met his GF. Then would take her and her friends out to expensive restaurants and clubs. She did not fully admit it but insinuated that they did coke often during those outings. Much like the party that leads my dad to OD. It was not only cocaine that they did. I also think an amphetamine?Anyway, I thanked her and told her that the money was not my father's and she had been lied to. She stayed till my father came to and we could bring him home. Which is when she dumped him. And then I broke it to him. I was leaving. He lost his shit. He punched me. He broke my nose. I was really afraid. He was not even fully recovered. In the hospital, I told the nurse how it happened and the police got involved. My mother took me in the very next day. She is helping me with all the legal things regarding my father. She helped me move out. Helped me move cities. it all happened very very fast. My boyfriend has been staying over because i am very afraid. My father has been blocked but I have been getting threatening emails.So that is that. It is good and bad EDIT TO ANSWER FAQ:Why did my mother not take me in if my father was so abusive?I explained it already in the last posts. But Tldr. she had lost her rights due to her trying to commit suicide. It did not get better as my father and his friends in law enforcement and the judges in our small town are heavily biased toward against women. how did you stumble upon so many documents so conveniently?I didn't. I very sought out those documents. I reached out to Mia myself and insisted in her showing me what she had. None of this was perchance. I have sought out every single document. They are available to the public. Plus if you know what you are looking for you will find them easily by going through your parents' files. This was not convenient. This was hard work If you are 18 why is your mom still paying CS?Here you are legally entitled to CS and governmental CS till you finish University or/and till you reach your 25th birthday. Are you gonna sue your father for back payment?No. That would not be of any help. It would be extremely hard to prove that he blew it all. In the end, I was fed and clothed and I had a place to stay with heat, electricity and internet, and running water. It would take too long and not be good for anything but revenge. My mother is terrified of him and I am not keen on seeing him. We are gonna pursue a restraining order and are documenting all his Mails and contact attempts. Someone pointed out to keep an eye out for my father opening accounts or credits in my name. We are looking into protecting ourselves in that area.Get a firearmNo. It is not legal nor makes any sense How come your mother had a lawyer on retainer so conveniently?She didn't. My first post was well over a month ago. My mother reached out to a lawyer shortly after to transfer my CS from my father directly to me in a very clean-cut way. Since then that lawyer has recommended us to another firm that is taking my/ our case.Everything about school and University: I am not on a waiting list for what I am gonna study. I am on a waiting list for the dorm. Till then I am staying with my BF in a long-term Airbnb in the city.School starts in October, not next week. Again I DO NOT LIVE IN THE US. &#x200B; [Update post for you guys](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/y0izxm/update_post_for_you_guys/)10 October 2022, The post was deleted but the publication was rescued in a comment I am Alex's Boyfriend. Alex's father attacked him on Sep 19th. He almost passed. Yesterday he was finally moved from the ICU into a standard room. Legal procedures against his father have been brought up so i can not disclose anything. I will update you if anything changes Re: Alex's health. &#x200B; [I am finally free! My father died and I feel no sadness](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/14lbztd/i_am_finally_free_my_father_died_and_i_feel_no/) 28 June 2023 Final Update My father died in the mids of our lawsuit. He had brutally attacked me because I was going to leave him and the CS checks that he had been blowing on drugs and women, would stop with my departure.Last year my whole world crumbeled, when I found out that my mother had not left us. My father had abused her and made it impossible for her to take me. He has made my life absolutley misserable. I have detailed this over the past few months here.After I was let out of the hospital, my mother and I got 2 amazing lawyers. One for the assault case and the other for the misappropriation of the money. The process for the CS case was quick. He had to pack back 50% of the money given to him in the past 3 years to me directly. No further fines.However... the assault case spiraled. It was found out that he was going to attempt to plead not guilty in the case of temporary insanity. He had detailed his plan to get away with this to his gf. Who is not an awful human and showed the police what she had. So it went from assault to attempted murder. With his gf leaving him, him owing a bunch of money, looking at a hefty prison sentence, and no more money to bail himself out... he took his life on Friday.I was numb the whole week. But today the realization washed over me... I am finally free. I don't have to look over my shoulder, I don't flinch when I hear steps, I don't have anxiety while checking my phone. I am free. I am finally free

I(m18) just found out that my father(m42) baby trapped my mother(f40) with me.

NEW UPDATE

Pristine-Payment

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16vekr4/im18_just_found_out_that_my_fatherm42_baby/

16vl719

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/WeddingShawl in r/AmItheAsshole** trigger warnings: >!Abuse!< --- &nbsp; [**AITA for taking back a shawl my wife made for a bride-to-be after she was uninvited from the wedding?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/167f1jx/aita_for_taking_back_a_shawl_my_wife_made_for_a/) - 2 September 2023 My wife, Lena, crochets a lot and often gifts it to friends and family. When her 2nd oldest brother got married, she made the bride a shawl to wear over her dress in the evening. The bride loved it and ever since Lena has made shawls for everyone in her family getting married. Now Lena’s oldest brother, George, is getting married again. Lena doesn’t have a relationship with George as he was abusive to her as a child, but if she has to see him then she is polite but distant with him. She doesn’t want to cut off the rest of her family because of George. I work with George and while we aren’t friends, we are friendly at work – Lena encouraged this, when George got moved to my team I was going to request a transfer not wanting to expose Lena to George as my team do a lot of get togethers with our significant others. As it is a family wedding, Lena’s mom asked her if she could crochet a shawl for George’s fiancee and Lena agreed. It was arranged that once it was finished I would take it to work to give to George so that Lena didn’t have to see him. Earlier this week, the shawl was completed and I emailed George at work to let him know that I would bring it in today as the wedding is tomorrow. When I got into work this morning, I gave George the shawl and let him know that Lena and I were looking forward to the wedding. Come lunch time, Lena called me to let me know that George’s fiancee had called her and told her that she was no longer invited to the wedding citing the place they are having the wedding and the reception at is too small for the number they have coming so are having to make cut backs. However I was still invited to the wedding. I was mad at this because they clearly only invited Lena to get a shawl, which to me is just rude. If they had asked Lena outright to make one, she probably would have done because she loves to crochet. On my way out of work, I noticed George wasn’t at his desk but the shawl was. I was still mad that they had used Lena to get a shawl and I just shoved it in my work bag. I left a note on his desk telling George since Lena was no longer invited, the shawl and I would no longer be attending either. On my way home, I told Lena what I had done and asked her if she wanted to go out instead, so not to waste having a sitter. Lena was upset that I had taken the shawl as it was causing an uproar in her family group chat where people were calling her petty because I took it back. Lena wants me to give it back. I don’t think I should, they don’t deserve Lena’s kindness. However, at the same time, I don’t want Lena to be upset with me over George and a shawl. Am I the asshole for taking back the shawl? Edit: I have messaged the group chat, letting them know that I took it and if they should be pissed at anyone then it should be me but I would also do it again because no one gets to be a dick to Lena. VERDICT: NOT THE A-HOLE &nbsp; [**Update: AITA for taking back a shawl my wife made for a bride-to-be after she was uninvited from the wedding?**](https://www.reddit.com/user/WeddingShawl/comments/16jeov6/update_aita_for_taking_back_a_shawl_my_wife_made/) - 16 September 2023 I have absolutely no idea how to post an update in AITA so I figured it was best to post it here in case anyone is interested in it. So, everyone will be glad to know that I have not given George back the shawl. I mean part of the reason I haven't given it back is because he's on his honeymoon (I hope has rained for the 2 weeks), but even if he wasn't I still wouldn't give it back. Later that evening Lena apologised for being mad at me, she said that she should have never agreed to make the shawl in the first place and was grateful I had taken it back. Lena and I had a long discussion about her family and how they treat her. I told her that I would always stand up for her when it comes to her family because I will stand strong when she can't. I asked her what she thought about going lower contact (we were already low contact) with George, his now wife, and her mom. Lena said that she wanted to go no contact with George, his wife, her mom, and to go low contact with everyone else but her 2nd oldest brother and his wife (we'll call them Michael and Sarah). She said she wanted to do this because of how toxic the group chat had become which she has now left and has shown me that she has left and deleted the chat. We have both blocked everyone but Michael and Sarah. I’m gonna wait a couple of weeks before I broach therapy for Lena again. I just want the dust to settle a bit as I don't want her to feel pushed into anything. The story the wife gave Lena about there not being enough space was bullshit, Michael confirmed that George had told him weeks ago that they were well under numbers for their venue. It was just a shit attempt at a power move. I know some redditors were concerned about my work life after I took the shawl. I spoke with my manager and told him that Lena had made a shawl for George's wife but they had given a shit reason for uninviting her to the wedding the day before the wedding and I took it back. When I told my manager this, he sighed heavily before telling me that he wished I hadn't taken the shawl because George could make things difficult for me but that he would have done exactly the same thing because George is a nightmare. I told him that I'd like to move to another team because it wasn't good for Lena to have to be around him. He told me to leave it with him and he would see what he could do. I'd have moved when George was first put on my team but Lena encouraged me not to as she didn’t want me to rock the boat with her family. I heard back on Monday that I will be getting moved to another team at the end of the week. This other team is desperate for someone, so when my manager reached out to other managers to see if anyone had an internal vacancy this manager bite his arm off. The day of the wedding, Michael called Lena and asked what our plans had been for the day. Michael knew that Lena wasn't invited to the wedding and rightly assumed I wouldn't go if she wasn't welcome. Lena told him that we had planned to go out for dinner and drinks. Michael told her that sounded like a plan and to text him where we were going for dinner. Michael and Sarah had decided to skip the wedding after seeing the meltdown of George, his wife and their mom in the group chat, apparently they continued spouting abuse at Lena even though she had left the group chat. When the family turned on me and our children was when Michael and Sarah decided they weren't going to the wedding at all, they were just going to go to the ceremony after Lena had been uninvited. They messaged George to tell him their flight had been delayed and they wouldn’t be able to make it – their flight wasn’t delayed, it was just the excuse they used and George never responded. Michael had seen George's abuse of Lena first hand, he had tried to protect Lena where he could but there was only so much he could do as a child himself and didn't want to be on the receiving end of George's temper either. As an adult, he took the first chance he had to move away from his family while only maintaining contact with Lena. So we went out with Michael and Sarah, having a much better night than we would have done at the wedding. There was no snide comments, no belittling, nothing. Lena was happy as she got to see Sarah and that was what she was looking forward to. Lena being happy was all I wanted. It’s all I ever want, my family to be happy. Both Michael and Sarah’s phones did keep going off all night as MIL and George kept messaging them angry at their non-attendance, especially after Michael posted a picture of the four of us together having drinks on Facebook with a caption about how he was choosing Lena over George going forward because she doesn’t use people to get what they want like George did over a crochet shawl. Michael admitted to me later that he did this to anger George because he’d have a melt down at the reception and then his in laws could see what an ass he actually is. Given the gleeful messages I got from Michael last week after he had heard back from a cousin who attended, George had a complete meltdown. Lena knows about this post, but she is not comfortable with me posting pictures of her work. She considered unravelling the shawl but she found it difficult to undo all her hard work which I understand. It’s the very reason I didn’t unravel it myself and tell George it was an IKEA shawl – well that and I didn't want to face a mad Lena. After talking with Sarah about what to do with it, she has decided that she’s going to keep it but she will dye it. Michael suggested that she wears it to the family Christmas – we aren’t going to see Lena’s family at Christmas so it won’t be happening anyway. Michael and I are at the same level of pettiness as I had previously suggested (as some people comment on my original post) that I could wear it to work when George is back. I didn’t show Lena many of the comments, she doesn’t need to see people calling her a doormat or saying she needs to grow a spine. Those people clearly haven’t had their spirit completely broken by the people who are meant to love them unconditionally or were completely cut out of family events. When George graduated from uni, Lena was left at home, she was 8 years old and left home alone all day. Christmas was spent mostly in her bedroom, because her grandmother didn’t want Lena around as her presence would just upset George, until she was 14 then she would sneak out and spend it with me and my family. Lena was just left out of everything. Her dad used to work away from home a lot, so he had no idea what was going on, he just assumed Lena liked her own space. Not that she would just stay in her room because she was used to being neglected by her family. TDLR: We’re going no contact with George, his wife and Lena’s mom. Lena is keeping the shawl and we will discuss therapy in the future. Neither of us attended the wedding, nor did Michael or Sarah. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITA for taking back a shawl my wife made for a bride-to-be after she was uninvited from the wedding?

CONCLUDED

NagaApi8888

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16vl719/aita_for_taking_back_a_shawl_my_wife_made_for_a/

16vvt5b

Fun Fact To Cover Spoilers: Gravity on Earth isn't uniform. Gravity can be stronger or weaker depending on where you are. CW: >!Child Neglect, Abandonment, Ableism!< Mood Spoiler: >!Hopeful but uncertain how things turned out!< *I am not the OOP that is* [u/painsomnia](https://www.reddit.com/u/painsomnia/) *who posted this on* [r/entitledparents](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/) \- [Karen Expects Total Stranger to Babysit Her Child, Even After Being Told NO](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/kyoqay/karen_expects_total_stranger_to_babysit_her_child/) (January 16th, 2021) Sooo this is a weird one. Not my story, but a friend who messaged me right after it happened to vent, cuz WTAF?? Karen = Entitled Mother SK = Sweet Kid F = My Friend So Karen moved into the apartment next to F's a couple of weeks ago. Karen has struck up short, polite conversations with F just 2 times in that period, with the 2nd being yesterday, the day before this whole fiasco unfolded. This morning at about 9am, while F was having a nice Saturday breakfast (she gets up at 6am on weekdays, so this was a weekend lie-in for her), someone started aggressively banging on her front door. When F answered, Karen was standing there with SK (5yo girl), who had a little backpack on. Sounding very flustered, Karen said she was sorry to have to ask this with no notice, but could F please watch SK for "a few hours", because Karen had "somewhere really important to be". Now, something you need to understand about F is that she can't stand kids and has no idea how to deal with them. Like, she tenses up and gets super awkward if a kid so much as waves at her in the supermarket. F is also disabled. She uses a motorised wheelchair sometimes and a walking cane for short distances or when she's just pottering around her own home. She lives with her girlfriend, who is also her carer. Her chronic illnesses involve fainting spells and a lot of brain fog, so by her own account, she's absolutely not someone who should be left in charge of a child. Karen has seen F using both her wheelchair and her cane, and has seen F's girlfriend (who was at work when this all happened) helping her in and out of their car. So F responded with a firm NO, explaining that her medical conditions meant that SK would not be safe in her care and that she's not well enough atm to have any guests (let alone an unattended kid) in her home, anyway. Karen immediately flipped from pleading and simpering to hand-on-hip indignation, at this point, accusing F of "faking" her disabilities (because, of course, if she can walk AT ALL, then she obviously doesn't actually need a wheelchair, right?? 🙄) and threatened to report her to Centrelink (welfare) if F didn't watch SK for her. Nevermind the fact that F isn't on welfare, lol. Her girlfriend has a high-paying job and F works somewhere between part-time and full-time hours from home most weeks (she's a goddamn machine and I don't know how she manages it). News flash: not all disabled people are unable to work. Although, of course, getting employers to actually hire us is another matter, cuz ableism. So F basically said, "I'm not on Centrelink and I don't appreciate being blackmailed. Find another babysitter, because I am NOT IT." And closed her door. Karen kept banging on the door for a bit, but eventually left. About 20min later, F heard a very faint, timid tapping on her front door. She said if she hadn't been so close to it, she probably wouldn't have heard it. She sighed heavily, having kinda already guessed what was happening. She opened the door and there was SK, who had clearly been crying, clutching the shoulder straps of her little backpack. She said, very softly, "Mummy said I could stay here today." Now, like I said, F cannot stand kids, but even she said that SK was an absolute darling throughout this entire fiasco and the most she ever did was cry, because her mother is clearly a goddamn monster. Karen had driven off and sent SK to F's door, clearly thinking that if she left F with no alternative, she'd just play along and babysit SK for her, anyway -- especially since F had literally no way of contacting Karen. WRONG. F escaped abusive parents at a young age and this shit made her furious. She got SK settled in front of the TV with a drink and some snacks, and called the police. "Yeah, my neighbour just abandoned her 5yo daughter outside of her apartment and the kid showed up at my door, asking to come in." When the officers arrived, F told them the full story and while they were appalled, she said they weren't surprised. One said, "You'd be shocked at how not rare this kind of thing is." Which is honestly kind of the worst part of all this. The officers took SK with them and were really sweet with her, explaining to her that she wasn't in any trouble and had done the right thing, and that they were there to look after her and find out where her mummy had gone. F found out later that they were able to contact SK's father, who is currently working on finalising a divorce from Karen and was also appalled, but not remotely surprised by what she'd done. Here's hoping he gets full custody of the poor kid after all this. \- [**Update: Karen Expects Total Stranger to Babysit Her Child, Even After Being Told NO**](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/kz26yb/update_karen_expects_total_stranger_to_babysit/) **(January 17th, 2021)** This update has also been added to the original post, so if you've seen that, this is the same update. Hey guys, thank you so much for the awards and all of your interest in F's story! I messaged F asking if she had any updates and oooh boy, that was an emphatic yes, haha. This morning, she had another knock on her door, only it was the dad with SK in tow. He went there to apologise for what his ex had done and so he and SK could thank F for looking after SK and for calling the police. She said he seemed like a good guy who was clearly putting his kid first in all this, which was really reassuring to hear. He told F that, according to his lawyer, her calling the police and handling everything the way she had would basically be a giftwrapped custody battle win for him, because wtf kind of court would ever grant Karen custody after the shit she'd pulled?? His lawyer was over the moon when the dad called him, haha. F also asked the dad wtf had been so important that Karen had abandoned her own daughter over it. You guys ready for this? It's so goddamn cliché. It was an appointment at a nail salon. She'd brought SK several times previously and just demanded that the staff babysit her and refused to even acknowledge the kid during her "me time". When she'd called yesterday morning to book a last minute appointment (cuz Karens 🙄), the staff put their foot down and told her she could no longer bring her kid to her appointments and would be refused service if she did. The dad also said that Karen had shown up so late to the appointment that they'd refused to see her, anyway. Again, cuz Karens. So she abandoned her daughter cuz she wanted her "me time", getting her nails done. The dad told F that "me time" is an excuse Karen uses to ignore her kid, basically any time she feels like it. "DO NOT talk to me during my me time!" etc. The dad also asked F if she would be okay to help with his custody battle. He said he understood that her health isn't great and that his lawyer had said a written statement would be fine. He said while it probably wasn't essential, since they had the police report, he wanted to have as much evidence on his side as possible, just to be sure. Of course, F agreed. Karen hasn't yet shown up at F's door to scream at her, so F's thinking maybe dealing with the police put some actual fear of consequences into her, lol. We shall see. I will, of course, post further updates if I receive any. \- *Marked as inconclusive as while things are hopeful for the kid and the dad we probably won't know what happened to them*

Entitled Mom Expects A Complete Stranger To Watch Her Kid

INCONCLUSIVE

boru_posts

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16vvt5b/entitled_mom_expects_a_complete_stranger_to_watch/

16vwxsj

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/CastrowuzRight **AITA for telling my(26M) girlfriend that she(25F) needed to apologize to my friend(25F) after she went off on her on a trip?** **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/SE2TG44TAg)  Sept 13, 2023** This weekend, I took a little friend vacation with my close friend group. A few of them invited their SOs and I’ve been dating my gf now for a long enough time that I don’t think it would be awkward to bring her along. So my gf gets along with all my friends very well excluding one. My friend Jessica is a very nice girl, and in a lot of ways is very similar to my GF. I think that this is just one of the cases where people who are similar just repel because on paper the should be very good friends. They aren’t outwardly rude to each other however it’s clear they just don’t vibe. So 3 things happened on this trip that lead to disaster. • First our day there we planned on going to the beach. While we were getting ready my gf realized told me she was feeling bloated and she forgot to pack a one piece to wear. I told her we could just chill in the room and she said she wanted to go down to the beach but we should go buy one at the resort shop. On our way down we ran into Jessica and I told her we were going down to the shop to look for a new bathing suit. Jess then offered to let my gf borrow one of hers, my gf immediately rejected and said we’d buy one. • We were at a bar drinking and dancing. Jess is only like 5’5 and probably less than 130. She’s also pretty much skin and bones, so she’s a light weight. Eventually she got pretty lit and was finding everyone and trying to get us to take a shot. When she got to us, I was down but my gf wasn’t. I told her it’d be fun but she said no and Jess said we were being boring. So I just took a shot with Jess. This set her off. • The finale issue was that next day me and my gf were late for breakfast because we were getting intimate and lost track of time which was wrong of us. So apparently, Jess said she’d come get us and as she walked passed our door she heard zoo noises and then she went back down to everyone else and said that we were occupying each other and may be a minute. When we got down stairs, the group was cracking jokes which I thought was nbd. Then they said Jess heard us i which my gf got mad. This was apparently the straw that broke the camels back. My GF snapped on her and told her that Jess has been being catty to her all trip and she’s been just trying to have a good time. She told her to stop being such a pickme bitch to her. This caused Jess to cry. I told my GF she needed to apologize to her and resolve whatever beef they have. My gf said that Jess needs to apologize to her for acting like she did and that I’m being a dick for taking her side. We’ve been fighting about this since we got back and things are now awkward with Jess. My friends are split on this as some think that my gf was being overboard while some think she may have had a point, which I don’t understand. AITA? Edit: Okay, I get it. I’m gonna apologize to my gf and tell her that I was wrong to defend Jess and that I’m going to talk to Jess to make sure she doesn’t ever speak to her like that again. **VERDICT: ASSHOLE** **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **WHEN ASKED WHY HE HAS YET TO ASK JESS TO APOLOGIZE, AND THE FACT HE HASN'T GIVEN HIS GIRLFRIEND A NAME IN THE POST OR IF HAS HAD A PAST RELATIONSHIP WITH JESS** **OOP** >I have never had sex with Jess. There is no secret relationship between me and Jess. Anything that’s happened between me and her my girlfriend knows about because I told her when we started dating **Plagu3Bunn1** >>What happened between you and Jess before then? I haven’t seen a comment of you admitting/explaining **OOP** >>>Fine. When I first met her like 4 years ago she gave me the worst blowjob of my life. Again, I told my girlfriend this when we started dating because I didn’t think it was right for her to not know >>>That’s it. We haven’t been physically since and I haven’t wanted to been **chloeinthesky** >>>>Annnnnnd there it is [Update](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/A9RrphyGQn)  **Sept 23, 2023** So I’m back, I know everyone hates me but I was asked for an update so here we are. I just wanna say everyone was right. I was an asshole. I was being a pushover. I was being a shit boyfriend and partner. I did prioritize Jess over my girlfriends feelings and that was so shitty of me. Me and my girlfriend are currently on a break. I tried to apologize to her and make sure she understood that I knew how wrong I was. I told her that I was sorry for letting Jess disrespect her and be catty and that I’d never let that happen again. My girlfriend said that Jess has been like this to her since we started dating and said that I’ve just been either ignoring it or unable to see it. Through a tearful back and forth my girlfriend told me that she wouldn’t let herself feel second to Jess. She said that when I figure out what’s going on there Jess and I, then talk to her but until then she wants to get some distance from our relationship. So that evening I was heartbroken, but I wanted to still make it clear to Jess that she would not be disrespectful to my girlfriend if we got back together and that she owes her an apology no matter what. I thought it would be better to have this as a face to face conversation as there’s a lot of ambiguity over text so I went to her place. XShe apologized to me and said she would call my ex to apologize to her. I got home in the morning I just spent a lot of time reflecting on the bad decisions I had made and how much I hurt my girlfriend and how right everyone who said I was being a shitty boyfriend was. So I will admit, I fucked up. I didn’t protect the person I was supposed to protect. I was too blind to see Jess being catty and mean to her. If she takes me back that won’t ever happen again. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **WHEN CALLED OUT ON LEAVING JESS'S APARTMENT IN THE MORNING** **OOP** >Who says we had sex. Maybe she just was there why I cried **WolverineNo8799** >>Your not denying that you had sex. So just be a man and admit that your ex girlfriend was right to dump you and you care more about your "friend" than anyone else. **OOP** >>I don’t care more about Jess. I just thought that if we did it once it would get rid of whatever sexual tension between us and we’d be able to move on but now we both want to keep doing it even though we both know we shouldn’t which is why I said I can’t have her in my life if I want my girlfriend back **WHEN ASKED WHY  HE DOESN'T JUST DATE JESS** **OOP** >Our feelings for each other are complicated and I know immediately getting into a relationship with Jess would destroy my ex **giag27** >>The moment you fucked Jess… you ended any possibility of getting back together with your ex… nail in the coffin. I think you need therapy. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for telling my(26M) girlfriend that she(25F) needed to apologize to my friend(25F) after she went off on her on a trip?

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16vwxsj/aita_for_telling_my26m_girlfriend_that_she25f/

16vwyhb

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Normal-Bottle641 **My husband doesnt want to have intimacy with me unless it is to conceive kids** **Originally posted to** r/offmychest **Original BoRU [here](https://reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/UWw6Y5VGkM) **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Intimacy issues, possible religious trauma!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/15ygzmo/my_husband_doesnt_want_to_have_intimacy_with_me/)  **Aug 22, 2023** Sorry english isnt my first language. I (f26) have recently gotten married to my husband, Edward (m26), two months ago. We both attended the same church ever since we were born, and i started to like him over the years. At 20, we started gradually talking to eachothers and got engaged at 24. My husband is very religious and never misses a service. I, too, am religious, but not as much as him. We both respect the other's choice and its not really an issue between us. However, when we were dating and engaged, he didnt come near me in any way. For example, we rarely held hands, and he never hugged nor kissed me on the cheeks even tho its a form of greeting thats very used in our culture. It bothered me a bit, but i think that he was doing it out of respect. The roller-coaster was our wedding night. During the ceremony, we dannced for the first time, we held hands, and when we got to our hotel we hugged and he kissed me for the first time on my lips. It wasnt like making out or anything, just a peck. Thats it. Nothing else. We didnt do anything more. Not even cuddled. We just showered and went to sleep cz we were extremely exhausted. Right when i was about to fall asleep when we were talking, he told me that he wont do anything unless it is to conceive kids. I wasnt sure of what to say so i just remained silent and dozzed off. This literally crushed my expectations. Ofc, i understand that he doesnt want to do anything. But really? Not until we decide to have kids? (Which is minimum 2 years away). I love my husband with all of my heart and i would never leave him as he is the best and most respectful human being ive ever met and an amazing person overall. But i cant seem to accept this. Ever since i was a teen, i have been addicted to wattpad and spicy stories, so of course, i have always dreamt of my wedding night. I didnt really want to keep my expectations really high cz i knew that it will most likely not come to reality. But i never thought that THIS could happen. I was dissapointed for the rest of our honeymoon, which lasted a week. I know its my fault for not talking to him about it, but i was really afraid of doing so. You see, im our culture, its not appropriate for a woman to talk about these things, nor initiate intimacy. Plus Edward is religious like i said, so i was afraid of him judging me if i did anything that he could consider unholy or whatever. I even tried to seduce him for the past couple of months but he wouldnt look at me. Not in a mean way, but he would just laugh it off and give me a peck or something like that. Its really starting to bug me because i have a somewhat high drive and really want to do things with him. I cant help it. I dont really know whats the reason behind this, and i dont know how to address the subject with him. Once more, i will not even consider leaving him, so please all advice will be appreciated 🙏🏻 [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/15zg8oc/update_my_husband_doesnt_want_to_have_intimacy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2)  **Aug 23, 2023** Hi. Long story short, for the people who dont want to read a whole story, it turned out that my husband is embarassed of himself and thought that it wasnt normal to feel aroused. So, after posting yesterday, i was literally bombarded by hundreds of comments suggesting that Edward might be a homosexual and using me to cover up his sexuality. I wasnt ready at all for such a possibility and it had never crossed my mind actually. Compared to other people from our community, we are one of the few who arent homophobic and we previously discussed our sexualities before. I dont want to really get into this topic, but Edward was really honest with me at that time that he is straight and that he cant just picture himself being homosexual, religious or not. Besides, we both have online jobs, so we are together literally the whole time and have mutual friends, so i would quickly have noticed any suspicious behavior. Today, i decided to confront him like many of you suggested. I had been repeating continuously my scrpit in my head and went for it. We were both chilling after having lunch, so i asked him if he wanted to talk about sex and intimacy. He said yes and was curious about what was bothering me. I was direct and simply asked him why he wont do anything with me unless it is for kids. Edward got genuinely surprised and confused by my question. At that moment i just wanted to dissappear from this universe and evaporate. Because of the embarrassment, i am not physically able to recall how the conversation went exactly, but it turned out that he thought it wasnt normal to feel aroused around me nor to have sex unless for procreation. I felt really bad for him. Apparently, thats what he grew up thinking, and thats what his friends and environment he grew up in abused him into believing. I cannot imagine that they did this to him. Im sure it was to make fun of him and mess around which lead to completely messing up his view on sexual matters and desires. AND, there is no way that they also believe in this themselves. This conversation went on for a couple of hours. I realised that it must have been very hard on him to talk about this specific topic so we had a rest from this subject and took a nap. After that nap, he apologized for not talking about this with me beforehand. We discussed many other things, and the fact that he never displayed any affection before our wedding was due to his beliefs. And dont worry, we also talked about our wedding night. But basically, he got aroused everytime he came near me, so he felt extremely ashamed of showing it or acting on it and thought i was just teasing him. He also didnt want to do something that could be considered bad according to what they fed his mind with. Not gonna lie, i expressed to him my resentment and the way he never asked for my opinion on this matter. He apologized again and said that he was afraid of what my reaction would be if he expressed himself. We tried to sorta sort things out and we promised to start working on physical touch. Edward said that he would never do anything that could make me feel down ever again and that he will always be ready to answer all of my questions. This realization was really like a slap across the face for him, so i suggested going to therapy. He immeadiatly agreed and started tomorrow we will look for a therapist. Going on reddit wasnt really the best idea but it really gave me a push. Having this conversation was def something we should have done sooner, way back when we were engaged. Also, to everyone telling me to leave, just because the problem was about intimacy doesnt mean i would leave him. Of course, if this took another turn and if i found out that he was cheating on me or lying, i would have mmediately divorced him without looking back. I know that intimacy is very important to couples and healthy relationships, but if Edward is not comfortable and has issues with this matter, i have no choice but to understand him. He has always been there for me and always showed me his love and support, just not throughout physical ways, so the least i could do is understanding him and respecting his boundaries. Until we talk everything out, i will not pressure him into doing anything and would rather do it step by step. In the end, we cried together and laughed about ourselves. Then, he made us some snacks that we had while watching our favorite tv series. Now, Edward is sleeping right next to me, closer than usual. I feel happy about it even tho its not much, but definitely considered improvement. I also feel much more better than yesterday. There are still many things that we need to discuss and so many more steps to take. I think i might update our situation later on but rn i would like to thank all the kind comments and nice people who tried to reach out and cheer me up. So yeah ##**NEW UPDATE** * [Update 2](https://reddit.com/r/offmychest/s/30c2tcs8Pk)  **Sept 23, 2023** Hi I know its been a month since i last updated you guys but i was really busy and i have some good news! Also for the new people here i have the other parts posted on my page So, like i mentioned in my last update, we started looking for therapists and found some sort of center a couple of days later. Basically theyre like a group of therapists specialized in different types of issues, so once we explained to them our situation, they assigned us to a couple's therapist. She was actually very understanding of our situation and we have had a few sessions with her which are very eye opening. She navigated us throughout our emotions and basically was more like a consultant than a therapist. As for my husband, he was assigned to another therapist and has sessions with him twice a week. Its not just because of our issue, but they found out that my husband has some deep childhood traumas that he needs to work on. This journey will take him a couple of months apparently and this is something that he definitely needs so hes totally ready for it. As for our intimate life, our therapist advised us to show each others more affection before taking things slowly and watching educational videos as references. So for a week we tried showering each others with random hugs kisses and cuddles and this was really addicting. For edward it was really something new, but now he wont stop with the back hugs and its very comforting. Then, i started teasing him to take things to another level like the therapist said since edward is still trying to build up the courage to do so. After a while, we made out for the first time. It felt super great and from there we started getting touchy. We did this for like 2 weeks and got freakier each day. The videos were really helpful. We also took our first shower together and played around. All these little achievements really made me so happy. And for the big thing, we finally made love 2 days ago :) It was very great and we took it slowly but we both really enjoyed it. It felt like a different level of closeness and im very proud of my husband for finally taking this step without feeling bad or guilty about it! Not only that but we also went on some dates as a change of routine and tried new restaurants which i really love. Edward surprised me with my dream restaurant and we had a blast! Our communication is 10 times better than before and it really feels like the wall that was standing between us is completely gone. There are still many things that we haven't tried, so we're really excited 😅. I also told him about my smut obsession yesterday and he asked me to give him a list of fanfics that i really like so that he could make them happen irl. THAT WAS REALLY SO AWESOME I STILL CAN'T GET OVER THIS HAHA. And lastly since our honeymoon wasnt really a honeymoon, we are thinking of going on one this christmas maybe so i can't wait! Btw to all the comments that suggested using toys, we talked about it but the therapist said that this could be too early and that edward might get addicted to it if we use them during our firsts. So i guess we will wait. Thank you everyone for all the kind messages i received. I dont think that there is anything else left to update, so thanks for sticking with me! **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My husband doesnt want to have intimacy with me unless it is to conceive kids

NEW UPDATE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16vwyhb/my_husband_doesnt_want_to_have_intimacy_with_me/

16vxynp

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/brunetteskeleton](https://www.reddit.com/user/brunetteskeleton/). She posted in r/tifu. **Mood Spoiler:** >!crisis averted!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/16ltd1b/tifu_by_accidentally_ordering_my_nudes_to_my_very/)**: September 18, 2023** So basically my bfs birthday is in a few days, so I was going to make him a photo album of my spicy/ nsfw pictures (mostly me in bra and panties and my boobs, no vagina pics). Well I recently moved out of my parents house, and I haven’t changed the address on my google account. When I placed the order a few hours ago I completely forgot to change the address. I went to bed and as I was falling asleep I was jolted awake by the thought “holy shit I don’t think I changed the delivery address for the photos”. I checked and sure enough I didn’t. I ordered from google photos and you can’t cancel the order or change the address if it’s been more than 2 hours since you placed it (it’s been about 5 already). I’m so effed because my mom is very nosy and always goes through my mail and packages. Literally whenever I order stuff, if I don’t get to the mailbox first thing in the morning she opens it and then brings it to me. I’ve asked her to please stop doing this so many times but she never listens and always makes up some bs excuse. Now since I’m living in a different state there’s no way I’ll be able to get to it before her. So yeah if I call her and ask her to send the package to me, she’s going to open it and see my nudes. If I ask her to please not open it because my nudes are in it, she’s going to scream at me for taking nudes (she’s paranoid of apple and google and other big tech companies and sees them as evil) and start ranting about how google is probably gonna upload my photos to sites and send them to my college and work and ruin my life or something along those lines. She’ll probably also tell my dad and I really don’t need him to find another reason to be disappointed in me lmao. TLDR: I accidentally ordered my nudes to my very nosy parent’s house and it’s too late to cancel the delivery or change the address ***Relevant Comments:*** *Maybe this will teach her not to open up someone else's mail?* "Yeah but idk if it’s gonna be worth all the fallout I’m about to get from it. Our relationship is already a bit rocky atm and she’s super against nudes/ sex, if she knows I take nudes of myself she’s going to kill me" "She’s against premarital sex, which she knows I have and is not happy about, that’s one of the main reasons our relationship is so rocky atm" *Someone points out that based on OOP's previous posts, they may have a rocky relationship because OOP is dating someone in their mid 30s:* "Yeah that’s a big source of the rockiness right now. She likes him, he’s a great man and they get along well, but she’s still uncomfortable with the age gap and especially the fact that I’m living with him and we’re having premarital sex" *You're an adult, what do you have to be afraid of?* "I’m 21 but my parents are very overprotective and I grew up very sheltered. She still sees me as a child. I’m afraid of upsetting her because me moving out upset her a lot, and she doesn’t quite approve of my bf and the fact that I’m living with him now. She’ll probably guess that the nudes were supposed to be for him and then get even more mad. I’ve just been trying so hard to smooth over our relationship and this is gonna put a big dent in that" *As long as your mom isn't financing your life, you're good:* "She still pays for my insurance and my college :(" *Many people suggest she email/call google customer support:* "I sent them an email already but I will try calling them too in the morning" *Could you ask your dad or siblings to handle it if they're in the house?* "My 3 siblings would definitely look and then roast me to no end (they’re all still obnoxious teenagers). My dad I’m not sure if he would look but if he would omg I would literally kms. If I told him not to look because they’re nudes in there, well I’d also rather kms than him know that I take nudes of myself and am sexual in any way. Best course of action would be to tell my mom not to look because there’s nudes in there, but that’s going to make our already rocky relationship even more rocky because she’s completely against taking nudes and will be convinced that I’ve ruined my life and that google is going to blackmail me or something" *Would your siblings tell your parents though?* "I think they would tell my parents, they’re all very immature and I’m honestly worried that one of my brothers would show his friends or post them somewhere. Or use them as blackmail. Maybe my sister would help me if I really begged her but even then it’s probably just better to have my mom get mad at me then her potentially find out from my sister and then get mad at me anyway" *Clarification- why are you ordering your nudes online?* "It’s just printed photos and I was gonna put them in a photo album and give it to my bf for his bday in a few days. It was just supposed to be a funny joke gift especially since he already has most of the pictures on his phone but it’s gone horribly wrong and I now regret everything lmao" *Don't take nude photos because they can be used against you:* "I know, I never thought I would ever take nudes until I met my current bf. He never pressured me for them or anything, I just love him so much and I want him to know how much I love him. Luckily I’m not stupid enough to put my face in any of them, and they’re all lingerie and titty pics, which I don’t consider to be as embarrassing as if it were my vagina or something" **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/16nklzc/tifu_by_accidentally_ordering_my_nudes_to_my_very/) **1: September 20, 2023 (2 days later)** Hey everyone, thank you so much for all the suggestions and feedback on my last post. I took many peoples advice and emailed both google and FedEx. I just got an email back from google saying that they had gotten my address change request and that they changed it! Thank god! The problem is that FedEx hasn’t gotten back to me yet about the address change. However, they did just send me an email with the tracking number. It’s concerning me a bit because it says the photos are in transit and it still has my parents address listed. I’m really hoping that google did actually change the address in time and that there was no miscommunication. Hopefully FedEx just hasn’t updated yet or something. I guess right now all I can really do is wait and see what happens. I’ll post an update in a couple days when HOPEFULLY I get my photos (and not my parents), if anyone still cares. TLDR: A couple days ago I accidentally ordered my nudes to my nosy parents house. I emailed both google and FedEx, google replied saying they changed it, FedEx hasn’t and says the package is still going to my parents address. ***Relevant Comment:*** *OOP clarifies why she wanted them printed in the first place:* "I wanted to make a photo album of my nudes for my bf as a funny gift for his bday. I don’t have a photo printer so I had to print them out elsewhere. I wasn’t about to walk into a store in person and have them print out my nudes, so I ordered them online to be printed and sent to me so that I don’t have to see whoever prints them lol" **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/16q365k/tifu_by_accidentally_ordering_my_nudes_to_my_very/) **2: September 23, 2023 (3 days from last post)** Hey everyone, I just want to thank y’all again for all the advice and support, as well as all the smart and creative things people came up with to explain/ rationalize the situation to my parents in case the address change didn’t update in time and they got the photos. I guess I won’t have to use any of it though, because I just checked my mail and the photos are here! I’m sorry to disappoint some of y’all, I know it’s not the most dramatic or exciting ending, but god am I relieved it turned out this way! I’m excited to finally give my bf his (now belated) birthday gift! Unfortunately the surprise was ruined, he already knows about the photos because he saw how stressed out I’ve been the last few days and asked about it so I had to tell him. He loved the gift idea and has been amazing about the whole situation, helping me contact FedEx and supporting/ comforting me about the possibility of my parents getting the photos instead. He joked that for my birthday he’s going to get me a colored photo printer so I can print more photos for him and not have to stress about it again haha. TLDR: I got the photos, I can finally give my bf his birthday gift and rest easy knowing that my parents aren’t going to see my nudes and disown me!

TIFU by accidentally ordering my nudes to my very nosy parents house

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16vxynp/tifu_by_accidentally_ordering_my_nudes_to_my_very/

16vxzfa

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/dryaffection](https://www.reddit.com/user/dryaffection/). She posted in r/AITAH **Trigger Warning:** >!blood (in discussion of medical issues- I marked it in the post)!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!sad but hopeful!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16o3zz9/aitah_for_blocking_my_husband_and_considerinf/)**: September 20, 2023** For a little context, I have not been feeling very well. My physical health has been decaying because of my periods. I loose too much blood this affects my hemoglobin and the rest of the normal functioning of my body. Yes, I have seen the ob/gyn specialist but they find nothing wrong in my reproductive organs. I got my period and went to the doctor's office because the pain was unbearable and I was loosing lots of blood. When I arrived, my blood pressure was on the limits of normal 100/60. Taking into consideration the amount of blood I was loosing. Doctors immediately transfered me in ambulance to the nearest hospital. While I was being transported, I tried calling my husband and sent me directly to voicemail. I sent him text messages and no response. I then called my mom and my baby's nanny because I wouldn't make it home for a few hours. I was treated by doctors, they inserted lots of needles but I was getting better. An hour later, my husband texted me back just saying that he hadn't seen his phone and asking how was I. I explained that my mom was with me at the hospital but our daughter was home alone with the nanny. He then told me that he couldn't make it home either. No explanation, he just told me: "I wish I could and I would've gotten home early if I had seen the messages earlier, but unfortunately I didn't so I can't." Excuse me? Your wife is at the hospital. Your daughter alone with the nanny and why the heck he couldn't go take care of her. After demanding an explanation of what could be more important than his family he told me that he couldn't make it home because his male best friend needed help. I was shocked. I felt unimportant and betrayed. Suposedly your family should be your number one priority. And we weren't his. I don't even care what his friend needed him for. I bet that could have waited in cases of emergencies like these. I am writing this down from the hospital still, just trying to get it off my chest. I blocked him. I don't even know if I really want to talk with him about how he made me feel. I am considering separation and divorce. If I couldn't count on him today what assure me that this won't happen again? So, am I the asshole? ***Relevant Comments:*** "He refused to even give me specifics on his friend's situation for me to understand. He just left me and my daughter hanging. He still won't call or text me." *Didn't you block him though? How could he contact you?* "Only from whatsapp, not calls or any social media. But still haven't heard from him." *Is this the first time something like this has happened?* "Its not the first time he doesn't prioritize our family in many different contexts and I guess I am reaching my limit. Thanks for reading" *Any updates on what was going on with you physically?* **Editor's note- this comment gets into graphic detail. If you are squeamish about blood, probably don't read.** >!"I will update with what the doctor said once I go to my appointment tomorrow to have the whole panorama. In the ER I was expulsing clots the size of my fist, blood pressure sinking, soaked the bed twice. I spent over 8hrs in that hospital. Thanks for your concern❤️‍🩹"!< ***There is no consensus bot on AITAH, but the majority of comments were NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16owb3s/update_am_i_the_asshole_for_blocking_my_husband/)**: September 21, 2023 (Next Day)** Hello everyone on reddit. Thankyou all for all your kind, sweet words and support. I didn't expect to recieve that much comments, I tried to read aa much as I could but they're too much. I really appreciate you taking the time to read me and sharing your different opinions on the matter. I just needed to vent how I was feeling and also read other people's point of view because I thought, maybe I could be wrong and overreacting. This is not the first time he doesn't priotize us, I guess I'm reaching my limit. Anyway, I unblocked him after a few hours because if anything worse happened, he had to be able to contact me and viceversa. So, I spent most of the night in the hospital. It was the first time I came in because of my period. I was pretty scared to be honest. My vitals were sinking up to point it was 80/50 last time I was kinda aware of my surroundings. Fortunately, my mom stood by my side the whole time. She said I was totally pale and unresponsive. I don't know what whould've happened if she wasn't because then I would've been all alone. Doctors gave me a blood transfusion and IV liquids in order to keep me safe. My hemoglobin levels were way too low because of the amount of blood I had lost the past two days. I got discharged once my vitals were stable and I was feeling better. I really wanted to go back home to my daughter. She must have been scared too, I said its my baby but she's a 4yr old toddler. As a mom, she's still my baby. Sorry if I confused you guys. I'm now resting at home after speaking to my boss that I was not ok and had a medical leave. Yes guys, I have my own income, I'm an elementary english teacher. Anyway, the nanny was very comprehensive and kind. She had to spend the night so I obviously paid her the over time and also a generous tip as grattitude. My husband never showed up. Neither to the hospital or home. I finally texted his male best friend to know what the fuck was happening as he disappeared and clearly didn't care for me or his child. And we were right, it was not a life or death situation. His male bf told me that yesterday he had an emergency with his mother and asked for my husband's help. Aparently she had a cold that was getting worse so they thought it was pneumonia or c-19. Fortunately she's ok and it was just a false alarm. His bf, lets call him Bob, wasn't even aware I have spent most of the night in the hospital. It was not my call to tell him, it was not his fault. So I thought it wasn't fair for him for me to storm off over him while he had no fucking clue of what was happening. I personally believe it is also important to support your friends but what I don't understand is why he needed specifically my husband. He has siblings and his father who could take care and help his mom. I thought maybe he needed my husband's money but he could've just transfer it to his bank account and come to our family. Instead, he spent the whole night with his Bob's family and stayed over. He left early from their house to go to work. In all that time, he didn't call or text to see how I was doing or if the baby was ok. I'm still very angry, disappointment and heartbroken. I guess I just proved my whole point, even though we are his nuclear family, we're not his priority. As far as I know I could be dead and he wouldn't been seen up until my funeral. My friends and family are coming over in order to help me with my baby and to care for me. I'm feeling pretty weak but afterall, grateful that I'm alive. I'm still anemic, feeling weak and We haven't spoken yet. And not even a freaking text to see how I'm doing while he's at work. I'll update you once we do but definetely doesn't look good for him. I don't deserve this bs, neither does my daughter. I do love him, but I love myself even more and I'm receiving not even the bare minimum. ***Relevant Comments:*** *OOP's spelling/grammatical mistakes:* "I'm sorry if my grammar its not the best. I'm not US native, we live in Central America where our native language is spanish. So, I give english classes to spanish speaking children. I promise I speak better than how I write, I apologize." *OOP responds in Spanish to a comment telling her to leave him ASAP:* **Spanish**: Acabamos de "hablar". Solo se volvió a ir dejándome nuevamente sola con mi hija. No puedo parar de llorar, lo cual me causa aún más dolor en mi vientre. Necesito descansar y ya con la mente más fría, tomar acción y buscar un buen abogado. Me harté. Gracias por leerme❤️‍🩹 **English** (from Google Translate): We just "talked". He just left again, leaving me alone with my daughter again. I can't stop crying, which causes even more pain in my belly. I need to rest and with a cooler mind, take action and look for a good lawyer. I got fed up. Thanks for reading❤️‍ *So he never even spoke to you?* "Not even once. Las night we "spoke" once he came back home. He didn't even apologized and came in arrogantly like: maybe I kinda fucked up but its no big deal. You don't understand the context. When I confronted him he just acted indiferently and asked me to stop being so emotional and start being rational. I then told him he should leave, I just had enough. He left with no fucking hesitation. I cried my heart out, my eyes are very swollen. What broke most my heart is my 4yr old toddler was trying to comfort me: "dont cry mommy, you're not alone. You have me." Its been a rough night. He texted me this morning to ask how I'm doing, haven't answered and not sure if I will. If he didn't care before, he neither does now. I'm so tired. I'll try to recover energies for my appointment today. Wish me luck " *Hire a PI to see if he's cheating:* "Not interested on what's he's been up to tbh. He's an adult with the understanding thar all his decisions have consequences. If he cheated or not, I don't care anymore. I just want piece of mind. I totally don't deserve this. I mean, I'm not perfect either but I would've never done this to him or anyone I cared about." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16qhc6l/part_2_am_i_the_asshole_for_blocking_my_husband/) **2: September 23, 2023 (2 days from last update)** Hey everyone! I'm sorry I wasn't able to update you sooner, I've had a lot going on. Thanks again for your best wishes and the support I received. So, I went to my doctor's appointment yesterday and the doctor that checked on me was a total ass. She didn't even let me explain my whole medical case such as the tests that have been done previously, the symptoms, amount of blood discharge, nothing. She just asked basic questions and ordered other tests, once they're done, I am supposed to se her again. I'm not fucking going with her, I already called my insurance and requested for another doctor who actually gives a fuck. As for my husband we finally spoke. He apologized and recognized he was wrong and kept on giving excuses. I listened to what he had to say but I finally told him that this was a deal-breaker for me and that we should separate for a while. I was not going to deal with his bs anymore and neither will my daughter. I did not hesitated, not even once. I didn't cry in front of him. He was trying to fool with the wrong person. He packed up his shit and left. I don't care where he went or with who, I just wanted him out of MY house. As soon as he left I broke down and cried again but he will not hurt me or my daughter ever again. He has no idea I have a scheduled appointment with a divorce lawyer. He will be served soon, I hope. As for myself I am recovering and feeling a little stronger. Thankyou all, again!

Am I the asshole for blocking my husband and considering divorce after him not prioritizing our family?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16vxzfa/am_i_the_asshole_for_blocking_my_husband_and/