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168mwm2

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/sci31123](https://www.reddit.com/user/sci31123/). He posted in r/relationship_advice. I replaced letters with names. **Trigger Warning:** >!false underage sexual assault allegations; mental health issues; !< **Mood Spoiler:** >!the healthiest ending for OOP, but no closure !< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/152ckkp/cousin_f24_falsely_accused_me_m31_of_sxual/)**: July 17, 2023** I first posted this on 'relationships' and it got autoremoved and I got no answer when I tried to get them to check it manually. Please note that NO ONE involved is under 18 anymore and the situation DID NOT involve sxual abuse. That's the whole point. Hi, I've never had an account on Reddit before, but someone on another forum linked this subreddit and I've been reading some stories. If this is the wrong subreddit, please let me know. Also english is not my first language, so bear with me. It's pretty much like the title says. I just feel so lost on what to do. This is tearing up wounds and old rage is building again. Let me give some backstory. I've grew up in what was probably the most normal of normal households. Parents worked a lot, but still managed to care for me and my 3 older sisters. We were never super close as a family, but never had any issues either. Same goes for my extended family. They always lived a few hours away, but we saw each other during summer holidays or christmas and always got along great. But when we got older we naturally grew apart as everyone had their own lives. I'm 31 now. In 2014, when I was 22 and attending Uni, I got a phone call from my mother that turned my life upside down. I remember I didn't even answer at first, because I was gaming with friends. But she called again immidiately after the first call. This was an unwritten rule in the family. If you call twice like that, it's important. Like someone died-important. So when she called again, I excused myself and answered, only to hear chaos in the other end. Like people were arguing. But when my mom realized I had answered, it sounded like she went to another room and closed the door. I just asked what was going on and I heard she was crying. My memory of this conversation is a bit blurry, but she basically asked me if I had something to confess to regarding "Eve". Eve is my cousin on my moms side and is 7 years younger than me, 15 at the time. At that point I hadn't even seen Eve for several years. I just said no and asked what this is about. She just cried even harder and started accusing me of sxually assaulting Eve back when we were children. That Eve had told everything to my sister, and that my sister told my mother and my aunt. Eve had told them that back when she was 9 (and I 16), she'd been playing in my room when I came in and started feeling her under her clothes and kissing her. My mother screamed at me to say something, but I couldn't even speak. It was all so absurd. I remember thinking that must be some bad joke. The last thing I remember saying was that it's not true and that E is lying. But then my mom goes on saying that how Eve gave such a detailed description of where and how. Then she kept asking something like "did you do this?! did you do this?!" and I just scream back at her "no!" each time. It all ended with my mom putting me on speaker and both my mom and dad saying that they don't want anything to do with me and never to contact them again. Two of my sisters texted me later that day, pretty much saying that I'm disgusting and then blocked me. I know it's weird, but after that call I went to have a long shower. To this day I still don't know why I did that. After calming down, I started calling and texting everyone, even Eve. No one answered and the ones who hadn't blocked my number by then quickly did so. The only thing I heard back was from my father who texted me to stop contacting them and that they need to heal. That was 9 years ago and I haven't spoken to anyone in my family since that day. To say this f\*cked me up is an understatement. I was living in a haze for weeks after that and hardly ate at all. It didn't help that this was right before I was supposed to defend my bachelors thesis and was already stressed out. Luckily my co-writer sensed something was up and saved me by controlling the conversation so that I got the easy parts. Without him I sure I would've failed. Needless to say, no one came to my graduation. Then started the worst period of my life. I spent the first year expecting the cops to knock on my door and arresting me for sexual abuse. I didn't land any jobs, just living off my saved money. I drank a lot and did oxy. I also grew resentful and violent. The only reason I didn't hurt anyone is because no one was around. My neighbour called the cops on me once after I had smashed a glass, but I managed to convince the officers that I had just dropped it, and they went away since there were no others inside my apartment. Instead of sleeping, I spent my nights planning how I could hurt Eve and make sure no one ever found out. Even thinking how I could actually do the things she'd accused me of, but much worse. (I know, I'm not proud of that) I landed my first "real" job in my field in late 2015. Only then did things start to improve. I focused all my time on my job, as it gave me something "normal" to do. Recovery was a slow process, but I drank less (sober now for 4+ years) and smiled more. I lived cheap and earned good money, so I made a point of buying myself a nice gift for my birthdays, a VR headset, a motorcycle, Lego etc. And last year I moved from my shitty apartment and bought a small house. It was an old dream of mine to have my own garage and a garden to care for. This has boosted me even more. So my life is "OK" now. I still got problems. I've been on anti-depressants for the last few years and while they help, it's not in a happy way. They simply remove the dark thoughts and replace them with dead ones. My trust in other people is close to non-existent. I've tried dating, but only been on two dates with two different women. It's really hard to speak like a normal person when it comes down to it. And what would I tell a potential partner when she ask about my family? "Oh you know they accused me of a heinous crime and we're not talking anymore. But I didn't do it, I swear!" My field is very male dominated, so the only woman I really speak to is my therapist, who I like a lot. If this text was difficult to follow, I apologize. I'm not good with words on the best of days, and I started rambling a bit when it all came back to me. It's already getting long so I will fast forward to my current issue. A few days ago, I received a text from my mother. It felt unreal and I was scared to open it at first, so I just stared at the notification for hours before opening it. Yesterday, another text followed. Translated, they basically say: Text 1: Hi, <my name> It's been so long since we talked. We miss you and want to know how you're doing. <Here she writes a long text about my sisters and how my neices and nephews are getting big. I didn't even know I was an uncle.> Know that we love you and always will. \-Mom and dad Text 2: Hi, <my name> We understand if you don't want to talk to us after what happened, but please listen. Last month, the subject of you was brought up at a family gathering. During this, Eve was downplaying everything that had happened to her. It got so awkward that she finally admitted that nothing happened and that she probably just dreamt it. We were all appalled by this. When we last spoke, we wanted to protect Eve and did the only thing we thought we could do. We know that's not excusing how you were treated. What Eve did was wrong and we're all angry at her. We have called everyone that knew and told them the truth. We all want to speak with you and your sisters want you to meet their families. Please write back if you can find it in you to forgive us. \-Mom and dad So yeah. That's my situation right now. I haven't answered, but they no doubt know I've seen it. Truth be told, I'm seething. Soo many old, shitty memories are now stirring again. I don't want to forgive them and I wouldn't trust myself to be in the same room as them right now. Part of me wants to call my family and unleash everything on them, to guilt them with everything I went through until they all hit their rock bottom. Then dedicate my life to make my cousins life as miserable as possible. The other part wants to ignore them and continue with my OK-ish life with my motorcycle and my garden to keep me company. I don't have any friends. The only people I speak to are my coworkers, but we're not really close. I've called my therapists clinic, but they told me she's on vacation and won't be available for weeks, and I don't want anyone else than her. So that leaves internet strangers. So please, where to go from here? Do I ignore them and continue as is?Or do I answer? And if so, what to even write? I'm pretty sure meeting them in person would be a bad idea for a forseeable future, but I'm not even sure how my life can improve from picking up those old threads. As embarrasing at it may sound, I've dreamed about the day when they apologized to be them throwing themselves to the ground and kissing my feet. Texting seems so anticlimactic now. **TL;DR** My cousin falesly accused me of sxual assaulting her when we were minors and I was disowned. Now it has been revealed that it never happened and my family is contacting me and wants to make amends. I don't know how to respond. Edit: holy shit, I went to bed yesterday after answering a couple of comments. I was happy then when someone just said to wait for mt therapist to come back, something that had flown over my head. Now theres 1300 comments. I can't possibly answer all, but I'll try to read all when I get home from work. I just want to address something I saw a few people mention. That my therapist wouldnt leave for that long without telling me. I don't know how this works in other places. But this is a state run clinic, no hourly rate or anything. I got assigned to her when first going there, which means she will continue to "get me" on meetings that follows. But that is not 100%. If she's on leave or sick, I might get someone else. 4-6 weeks of vacation is not uncommon. Edit 2: Some people have messaged me about an "Update" video on tiktok. Please note that this is not by me. All I have written you can see on this page. ***Relevant Comment:*** *The top comment advises him to wait until his therapist returns.* "Tbh I didn't have the mindset to think that I could wait that long. I just heard weeks and thought it might as well be years. Thanks, I think I'll do that." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15zgdn4/update_cousin_f24_falsely_accused_me_m31_of_sxual/)**: August 23, 2023 (1 month and 1 week later)** Hi, It's been a while since my last post and I can't count the people asking me for an update. So I tought I'd post one, even though there's not much to say. First, I'd like to get a few things out of the way: 1. Thanks all who wrote and offered support and advice. I'm sorry I couldn't reply to all, but know that I've read them. Also, thanks to everyone who reached out to distract me with talks about my hobbies. I know I wasn't very respsonsive, but I know you meant well. To the openly hostile ones, borderline threatening me to quit anti-depressants and counseling and instead accept <insert religious figure here> into my life. No. 2. Many people told me I should pursue legal action. I didn't mention this in my first post, but I decided against that long ago for a few reasons. Best case, she would get a slap on the wrist and I wouldn't gain much at all. I just don't think it's worth the legal headache. And if I somehow would end up losing, I'll owe her legal costs. 3. A lot of people have been messaging me about the fake updates. As I wrote in an edit to my other post, there are some fake updates on Tiktok and Youtube. So if you saw something on other platforms that you didn't read in the text below or in the post linked above, it wasn't by me. While I don't really care about people making fake updates, I just want everyone that read my original post that these videos are not by me. Someone even claimed they "had access" to my original post on [r/relationships](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/), which contained these "updates". That is false. With that cleared up, I'll add what actually going on with my life right now. Know that I wrote the original post in an anger and because I was completely lost on what to do. I needed a kick to the head and I got that within like the first 5-10 comments. That was really all I needed. I've met my therapist. I was first scheduled for september, but she managed to move it and we've had two talks so far. She also read the original post and many of your comments. While she would've perferred me to confide in a colleague of hers, in the end she was glad you guys told me to calm down a bit and wait. She knows first hand how I can get when angry. I wont go through everything we talked about, but it comes down to that I may respond to my parents at some point, but if I do, it wont be anytime soon. I've started writing everything down that I want said to my family and then my therapist and I will go through those things continuously. For those who asked, they haven't tried to contact me further. I WILL NOT be updating this issue anymore. Not on reddit (including DMs) or anywhere else (in case of more fake updates). Nor will I be commenting unless it's something very important. I don't want to be rude and I appriciate all the support, but it really is draining sometimes. I was almost glad when the moderators locked the comments on the first post. I'd like to end by saying thanks again to all the people who's been wishing me well and checking up on me. And for the people writing to check that I'm still alive, don't worry. You don't have to do that. I'm off work for a while and not by the computer much. I'm busy painting my garage.

Cousin (F24) falsely accused me (M31) of sxual assault. Now my family is contacting me after almost 10 years

INCONCLUSIVE

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/168mwm2/cousin_f24_falsely_accused_me_m31_of_sxual/

168mwxg

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Ok-Temperature-189 **My son broke his bully's nose** **Originally posted to** r/confessions **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!physical violence, slurs, verbal abuse!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/160n2n9/my_son_broke_his_bullys_nose/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 25, 2023** I have done almost everything I could do regarding this situation, I've contacted the parents, I've contacted the school.. the parents basically blew me off and told me that it was a situation of "kids being kids" the school pretended to care, but didn't do anything in their power to actually stop it.. I have asked my son plenty of times if he wanted to switch schools. It was always a no because he doesn't want to leave his friend. I can understand that considering he's had a rough go ever since he's started school.. he's been diagnosed with both autism and adhd so it's really hard for him to make friends. The little prick has been doing this to him for years.. but lately it has gotten much worse. He's been shoving my son in the halls/lunch line causing him to fall many time and calls him things like "retard" and "slow" he used to pick him up by his backpack and toss him to the ground before he had a growth spurt, but now my boy is taller than most kids in his grade (5th) still, he didn't know how to stick up for himself.. my wife always encouraged "killing them with kindness" but it never worked in his favor. I have told him repeatedly for the past year that he needs to stand up for himself and fight back.. yesterday he came home crying and it just broke my heart to see how much pain he was in. I wasn't mean to him, but I was very stern and told him that if he didn't fight back the next time I was going to take him out of that schooI whether he liked it or not. Well.. today I got a call from my wife after work and she told me what had happened.. he was on his way to lunch and got shoved onto the ground causing his knees to be a bit bruised, my son then got up and left hooked him right in the face causing his nose to immediately bleed.. my son said that the boy started to cry and he even kinda felt bad (heart of gold) his parents have contacted us, they're threatening to sue and told us that his nose had been broken.. my wife is mad at me because I've been over the moon since. I don't condone violence, but in this situation something had to be done..anyone who thinks otherwise hasn't seen the pain that little punk has caused for my son. If his parents didn't want it to come to this then they should've taken it more seriously when I told him them how much of a big asshole there kid is. I had my fair share of bullies as a kid and I never did anything about it.. I'm glad that I'm raising a son that is much tougher than I was. I hope that this has taught him to never be afraid to stick up for himself.. I'm a very proud dad today. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/162eazx/my_son_broke_his_bullys_nose_update/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 27, 2023** I just want to start off by thanking everyone in support of my son and for giving me advice regarding their threats to sue. I would have replied to some comments, but I've been extremely busy at work and haven't had the time. My wife has been in contact with the parents since and has suggested that I stay out of it considering my short temper (that's probably for the best) it seems she's handling it well and thinks that they are not going to try and sue.. which is good, but I'd be lying if I said that a part of me wouldn't love to whip there asses in court. We're not too well off financially rn though and I know that leaving it off at a broken nose is the best option. I saw all of the comments saying how I should reward my son for doing what he did.. so last night I bought him a video game he's been asking for and ordered pizza. It's not disney world, but it's what I could afford to do. There's been a shift in his overall mood and he even told me that he can't wait to go back to school thursday. It seems this situation has given him a confidence boost and I am loving it! This update might be a bit boring, but that's all I have. Thank you again for all of the kind words you people had for both me and my son. Appreciate it. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My son broke his bully's nose

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/168mwxg/my_son_broke_his_bullys_nose/

168mxsl

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/horrorfiasco **AITAH for testing my girlfriend** **Originally posted to** r/AITAH **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Catfishing!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15w41tm/aitah_for_testing_my_girlfriend/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 20, 2023** I (26m) and Clara (fake name, 23f) have been dating for 3 years. I have been cheated on in past relationships, particularly in Highschool, and have had a tough time getting over it. Yes I know I should work through it and see a therapist, but I’m not sure I’m ready to uncover everything to a random stranger. Anyways, Clara and I have a very incredible relationship. We like most of the same things and support eachother in the things we may not agree on all the time, we have an amazing intimate relationship and like the same things in the bedroom. All in all, I couldn’t ask for a better girlfriend. However, I guess I was feeling especially insecure one day and felt almost as if it was too good to be true, as in the past my exes also seemed to be so perfect before it tragically fell down in infidelity. While she was at work, I made a fake Instagram account and messaged her using an AI created face and texts asking her to do explicit things. It took some time, but she responded and denied the offers. I’ll admit I got carried away playing the character of douchebag and got a little forceful and aggressive until she blocked me. I was proud of her for not cheating and for remaining loyal and thought nothing about it for the rest of the evening. She came home that night and completely broke down and showed me texts that had awoken her PTSD from “some guy” on Instagram. I proceeded to pretend as if it wasn’t me and comforted her, though she didn’t seem to lighten up after that. I got frustrated and we had an argument and she called me an asshole for “expecting her to be okay immediately.” We slept it off and got over it. Fast forward, a few weeks later, Clara was setting up a party for her sister and asked me to text her and get some details because it wouldn’t sound suspicious from me, I didn’t understand what she expected so I allowed her to do it on my behalf, and in doing so, she found the account and the messages and has since left and not returned, she won’t return my calls, and has since sent her brothers to come pick up her stuff but they wont help me either. I have texted her and called her and left messages explaining that she was overreacting and she be more understanding of my situation considering I’ve been cheated on before and she hasn’t. It’s really frustrating because it’s not like the guy on Instagram actually did anything to her, and she’s making it such a big deal. I’ve felt a little bit of remorse, because I miss her and want her back. So, am I the asshole? **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **catfoodonmyshelf** >YTA. You don’t even feel remorseful other than the fact you want her back. What exactly did you say when you got “carried away” and a “little forceful”? **OOP replied** >>It’s not just because I want her back. And it was essentially things along the lines of her sending dirty images to the account and that “he” would hurt me if she didn’t. But I’m completely fine and the “guy” doesn’t even exist. So I’m having a hard time understanding why she’s making a big deal out of nothing or how it’s my problem. **leemonshark** >>>i’m assuming, if you have been dating for three years, you knew her trauma. you knew her triggers. and you exploited it for what? to feel a little bit better about yourself? you made her feel completely unsafe so you would feel more secure. not only is it asshole behavior, it’s manipulative narcissistic behavior. my recommendation: THERAPY. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/162jci2/update_1_aitah_for_testing_my_girlfriend/) **Aug 27, 2023** For those that don’t have any context on this story, I’ll provide the link here but please do recognize that it isn’t exactly an easy or comfortable read. [OP](/r/AITAH/comments/15w41tm/aitah_for_testing_my_girlfriend/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) UPDATE: (8/27/23) Alright. Let’s unpack this a little. First off, I would like to take the time to say thank you. I truthfully am grateful for the replies that each of you have given me. For a day or two, I’ll admit that it hurt that nobody agreed with me or anything. But because of that, it gave me time to reflect and realize how much of an issue it really was. It was rather eye-opening, personally. I have issues, and a lot of them and I need to get over them. Now, to update on the situation. To the redditor that suggested therapy and expressed their genuine concern for me and advice, I thank you greatly (MysteriousText2005). I decided to buckle down and get into therapy, and they wasted no time getting me in the following evening and even though I was very nervous, we got through it and I am going to be very frank here and say how embarrassed I was because of how much more helpful it was than I had anticipated. As for my relationship with Clara, to be truthful, I accepted that I had lost Clara and ruined our relationship and was ready to walk the lonely road. However, a few days ago she reached out and expressed that she wanted to meet and talk for lunch. We had a very deep conversation for the majority of the day, and it was incredibly healing for me. Admittedly, part of me wanted to say “Okay see, you’re all better now and don’t need the therapy.” But I knew that was the part of me that was scared. Also admittedly, I had expected for Clara to tell me that she was moving on. Instead, she gave me a second chance that I feel that don’t deserve, but would be stupid to pass up on. I decided to take it a step further despite the nervousness I have about it and suggest couples counseling, which she loved the idea of. I’ve expressed my concerns, and she has understood. However, we both agree that this is really important and we want this to work. I’m so grateful for the incredible amount of grace that I’ve been given, and will never make the mistake that I have made again. Thank you again for your help. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITAH for testing my girlfriend

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/168mxsl/aitah_for_testing_my_girlfriend/

168myqp

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/simoan\_blarke](https://www.reddit.com/user/simoan_blarke/). He posted in r/AmItheAsshole Your palate cleanser for the day. **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12slfni/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_it_is_unreasonable/)**: April 19, 2023** I (36M) moved from Europe to Japan about 7 years ago and have been dating my girlfriend Mie (26F) for over a year. While we have cultural differences and the occasional language barrier - my Japanese isn't nowhere near perfect and neither is her English - we never had this sort of a fight before. For context, Mie is a huge fan of a Japanese idol group. (Girl pop band basically.) She's going to their concerts and events once or twice a week for about 3 years. In contrast, I'm generally a metal / heavy rock person and never really got into Japanese pop, let alone idols. A few months back we went to a metal concert together. As fair is fair, I offered her to go to one of these concerts with her. She is very excited about it and got us tickets this month for a show two weeks from now. This is where things get... weird. I changed up my playlist to listen to this band's songs so I know them better and could sing along. However, as I learned yesterday, idol concerts are something else. You are expected to sing along and follow a very tight choreography for each song. Most people that go to these shows are enormous fans and do this, so not doing it would make one stand out like a sore thumb. We went for karaoke last night and she was singing the band's songs as usual, and trying to get me to follow the choreography for each song. After doing this for about an hour, we stopped to talk about this. I told her that it's already pretty hard for me to memorize the lyrics well enough so I can sing along, and to learn the proper moves for 15-20 songs - we don't know the setlist so it might be twice as much - over the course of two weeks, for a single concert, is a bit harsh. (I believe I used the words "I don't really want to learn all of this stuff for one concert" and "want" didn't really translate over well.) She exploded. She yelled at me that I would not embarrass her but it would still be weird - which should be pretty much the same thing? - and she already told her favorite idol that we will be there and she should be on the lookout for us. (I'm 6'9"-ish so I couldn't hide in the crowd even if I wanted to.) When I suggested that I could just stand on the side so i don't make her look bad she told me that we have reserved spots at the concert and we cannot move around. So I'm not really sure what to do. I'm more than happy to go and have a great time since it means so much to her and it sounds like great fun, but investing dozens of hours practicing dance moves sounds over the top - I wouldn't do that for bands that I love and have been listening to for decades, yet alone for a band that i am not a "superfan" of. And it seems there is no middle ground - either i would learn all of it, or bust. So Reddit, please tell me - AITA? Edited to add: thank you all for your comments - apologies for not replying to them all, but I read everything. I will try to reach some proper middle ground... wish me luck. Will post an update in about two weeks after the event. ***Relevant Comments:*** *How normal is this? Is this about her not feeling appreciated or setting unreasonable expectations?* "it might be a bit of both. we talked about it and it seems to me that she feels I'm not appreciating her interest enough by trying to manage expectations the way I did. for context i didn't shut her down but made it clear that I cannot learn this stuff this quickly. on the "norms" part: looking at live videos of past events, this really seems like the baseline for the front rows. not just for idols but general popular bands too, rock included." *She's gone to concerts so often even during the pandemic? Also you used the imperial system for height but where are you from?* "yes. shows and events were going on during the pandemic too, with social distancing, mask mandates. and plastic walls during meet and greet events. I know of the band and their music because she is listening to them all the time and sings them during karaoke. that said, I never imagined the moves are expected from anybody but the greatest fans. (she's clearly one of them and I respect that, I love people with passion towards their interests.) and yes, she has been to about 50-100 events, often travelling hundreds of kilometres. she's working shifts so going to Okinawa or Hokkaido during the week isn't that big of a deal to her. plus she didn't want to show me to the other fans because of some of her insecurities. that would be a different post on [r/relationshipadvice](https://www.reveddit.com/r/relationshipadvice) tho. I was born in Eastern Europe in a post Soviet country, but I figured I'll humour the community and use imperial. :)" *More on the idol system and gf's thoughts:* "i kind of understand why she is so devoted. she has left her parents when she turned 18, and has been moving around ever since, staying in a bigger city for a year or two and then moving on to work a different job somewhere else. she doesn't have too many friends and none are really too close mostly due to actual physical distance. a sense of belonging to a fan club or community makes perfect sense under these circumstances. i talked to her about this earlier because i was worried about a full-blown parasocial relatonship. (i have an ex-friend who wastes all his time and money away on another idol and heavily implied he was actually spending time with this idol in ways that is regarded inappropriate in the industry, and he basically spent hundreds of thousands of yen on gifts for this girl every month. so i know how bad this can get.) it ended in a pretty big fight between us but overall she convinced me to give her the benefit of the doubt. she regards these idols as "attention machines" - you put money in (events/concerts/fan club membership/etc), attention and kindness comes out. you don't put money in, no attention and kindness comes out. she has no illusions whether they care about her. but she does speak very fondly of the community." *She actually believes her favorite idol is going to be looking for her? Is she nuts?* "she isn't; the idol knows her very well. (I mean that's kinda part of the idols' job) i don't think the band qualifies as underground idols, but they do have regular, very small and focused fan events with 50 or so people, so they know their core fanbase personally." *Who is the band?* "Metamuse (formerly known as ZOC)" ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update (Same Post): May 16, 2023 (1 month later)** Update: again, thank you all for your comments. The concert was on last Sunday. I did learn some of the more simple / iconic choreography BUT - drum roll - the venue was SUPER small. Meaning the floor had a dedicated X for every single ticket number, consisting of 5 floor tiles each about one foot long and wide. Other than your own little floor tile you would share the rest with four other people. Guess what this means? Nobody had the room to move and were just waving their light sticks. Mie introduced me to the idols prior to the concert. (She had a meet & greet & photo package in-between the early and late afternoon concert. Yes, she attended both, I only the later one.) This was probably the most awkward part where the girls were trying to talk to me in English, "Hiiiii, thanks coming!!" style. (None of them speak it.) Was funny though. All in all, I had fun at the concert, people paid me no heed as I was in the backmost row, girlfriend is happy, the idols were cute, the music had its ups and downs, the experience was surreal but I will probably not go every week. All's well that ends well, I'd say!

AITA for telling my girlfriend it is unreasonable to learn a full setlist dance choreography for a concert?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/168myqp/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_it_is_unreasonable/

1690p6i

**I am not the original poster. Original post by** u/unprepare_d **in** r/AmItheAsshole. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!Racial prejudice, family conflict, Child mistreatment, Animal cruelty!< mood spoilers: >!tension, dilemma, second post ends on a positive note, Legal Battles, Threats and Ultimatums, Pet was reclaimed!< --- &nbsp; ###[**AITA if I tell my daughter Grandma is ashamed of her race**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g6l1l5/aita_if_i_tell_my_daughter_grandma_is_ashamed_of/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Thu, April 23, 2020* Here because I genuinely don't know where else to turn. When I was 21 I had a one night stand that resulted in my wonderful daughter. Her father ghosted me the day after we hooked up and I decided to raise her as a single mum the day I found out I was pregnant. Throughout my pregnancy, my best friend (we'll name him Sean) became my absolute rock. We grew closer as a result of it and was even there when I delivered my daughter. We became a couple 6 months into my pregnancy and he officially adopted my daughter 3 years after she was born. We've been together for 7 years, married for 1, and have recently found out we're expecting our first baby. However, this has caused some tension from his family. His family are black and while most of them have been great, his mother (my MIL) did not support our relationship, especially his choice to adopt our daughter. She refuses to acknowledge my daughter and corrects her every time she calls her grandma. Since finding out we're pregnant, she has been going around telling everyone she is expecting her first grandchild and how we're going to be a real family. My husband just ignores her because 'this is just what she does'. However, it all came to a head recently when she said she would happily babysit our new baby, but wouldn't want our daughter around. When I asked why, she started saying how embarrassing it is for her and her son to be seen with a white child that clearly isn't theirs and that she will never be part of their family. Since then she's been texting updates regarding her grandbaby. I refuse to speak to her, but my daughter keeps asking why she doesn't get to speak to her grandma. I feel so ashamed to tell her that her grandma doesn't like her because of her race. I just don't see why she can't be fully accepted and part of a family just because she's white. I want to tell her the truth and go low contact with my MIL but my husband said I would be an asshole if I told my daughter what my MIL has been saying. WIBTA if I told my daughter her grandma is ashamed of her race? ***Judgement: Everyone Sucks*** &nbsp; ####EDIT Wow this blew up. Just thought I'd clarify a few things. My MIL is of Caribbean decent, where nobody 'disrespects' their elders. My husband has told me numerous times how she used to chase him round the house with a hairbrush if he raised his voice at her so I suppose that's why he keeps saying to 'just ignore her'. I know I probably would be an asshole, but I just don't know what to do. My daughter is such a people pleaser and she makes so much effort to try and get her grandma to like her. She keeps asking what she can do to make Grandma like her more and it just breaks my heart. Also to that woman who had the nerve to comment about the number of baby daddies I have and how weird it looks having a white and mixed child, screw you! ####EDIT 2 So I showed your responses to my husband and we had a long talk about his family and our daughter. He agreed that the comments and her attitude have been out of order and he has quietly been talking to my FIL to get her to stop. However, every time his dad brings it up, she either ignores him or completely blows up. I put my foot down and said I refuse to subject our daughter to this any longer, especially as her behavior is getting worse and she's already favoring the baby who isn't even here yet. I told him that this is going to damage our daughter in the long term and if he doesn't do something about it, I will not let her see either of the children. He got a bit huffy at the idea of his father not seeing them, but agreed to speak to her tonight. He's completely on my side, but I think he's a bit scared of the woman? I will update you with what happens. &nbsp; ###[**UPDATE: AITA if I tell my daughter Grandma is ashamed of her race**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gp66o7/update_aita_if_i_tell_my_daughter_grandma_is/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Sat, May 23, 2020* Apologies for the late update. This gained far more attention than I had anticipated and feel I owe everyone a sort of resolution to the problem. So my husband called his mum and dad on Facetime, while I stayed out of view to make sure he said exactly what needed to be said. He explained that her behavior to our daughter is unacceptable and that it's not fair she is subjecting her to this sort of treatment. He explained that if it was her biological grandson receiving this sort of treatment from my mum, she would be absolutely livid and be the first to call her a racist. What she was doing was no different. His father apologized and agreed with what he said. He tried to coax MIL to apologize but she huffed and said 'I have nothing to apologize for, that child is not ours and never will be.' My husband and FIL both argued that she was being heartless and my husband warned her if she continued to treat our daughter this way, she would not be allowed to see our baby. She flipped. She called me a lot of racist names I won't repeat on here. She also said she would see her grandbaby whether he liked it or not, that I was a bad influence, that I was manipulating him and turning her son against him. Eventually my FIL apologized and ended the call. We had a sit down with my daughter and explained that she couldn't see Grandma because she was in a 'time out'. My daughter asked if it was because she 'says mean things' and we both said yes. She then asked 'When she comes out of time out, can I see her again'? and I said 'absolutely, once she is out of time out you can go and visit with your new brother or sister'. She seemed satisfied with that as she then asked if she could go and play in the garden. My husband has since been texting our FIL, but she refuses to apologize. Until she does and takes steps to improving her behavior, she will not be allowed to visit. Thank you for all your advice on the matter, we both agreed with a lot of the comments that now was not the time to bring her race up to our daughter as she doesn't see herself any different from her dad or his parents. She seems to be ok with it so far, although we are taking it day by day. **EDIT**: I think I'm going to keep the account as, since I originally posted this a few days ago, there's been further developments which I feel I may need some advice on. Thank you for all your help x &nbsp; *OOP submitted further updates to r/JUSTNOMIL* ###[FIL left MIL, now the whole family is against us](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/gpmt9u/fil_left_mil_now_the_whole_family_is_against_us/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Sun, May 24, 2020* *The beginning of the post is a summary of everything written above, so I skipped to this part.* Since my [previous update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/gp66o7/update_aita_if_i_tell_my_daughter_grandma_is/), she’s thrown FIL out of the house for disrespecting her and his sisters are now calling me screaming at me for tearing their family apart. FIL (now living with us) also warned me that she plans to seek legal advice to try and get custody of our baby and threatened to hurt my husband if she ever saw him. I don’t know what to do and really need advice on how to handle the situation. I'm due to give birth next month and the stress is really starting to get to me. &nbsp; ###[MIL had our dog removed from our home and could potentially have her put to sleep](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/grr67d/mil_had_our_dog_removed_from_our_home_and_could/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Wed. May 27, 2020* Today has been the absolute worst and I've been an emotional wreck. We have a gorgeous 2 year old staffy x lab who we have raised since she was 8 weeks old. She is my daughter's best friend and she is like mine and hubby's second child (dog owners will understand). MIL has blamed me for the breakdown her marriage, the breakdown of her relationship with her son and has turned his entire family against us. For two days, the calls had stopped and I stupidly thought that everything was calming down. Oh boy how wrong I was. This morning, we had a knock at the door from the police saying we had an illegal dog on the premises and they needed to inspect it. They were told we had a pitbull and needed to inspect the dog. My husband let them in and Zara (the dog) ran straight up to them, tail wagging and so happy to meet new people. The officers took her measurements - which she happily let them do - and they said her measurements and appearance made were found to be similar to that of a pitbull and they needed to take her away. Me and my FIL both started arguing with them, explaining that she wasn't a pitbull and she was a lab mix. They asked us to give them a lead so they could take her for tests. They said if she was found to be an illegal breed they would have to put her to sleep. Everything went to complete chaos as you can imagine, but they did eventually take the dog away and we are now facing a court battle to get her back. A few hours after they took her, my husband got a text from MIL saying "U take my grandbaby, I take ur dog". My husband didn't respond but went into a complete rage and stupidly broke his phone in the process. I feel absolutely heartbroken and am terrified they will kill our poor baby for absolutely no reason. Does anyone have any advice on how we can get our dog back? &nbsp; ###[UPDATE: MIL had our dog removed from our home and could potentially have her put to sleep](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/gs2ynx/update_mil_had_our_dog_removed_from_our_home_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Thu, May 28, 2020* *Recovered deleted post* Thank you everyone for your help. We have a busy day ahead of us and wanted to give a small update before we go complete radio silent while we deal with this. We got a call early this morning from the breeder. She was overly apologetic that this was happening and couldn't believe one of her puppies was being detained. I asked her if she had any pedigree papers for the labrador and here's where it gets interesting. She's a fully KC registered breeder. All of her labradors have papers and certificates of their heritage. Her staffy? She is also KC registered with the same information!! She's emailing us the information over this morning and we're heading down the police station first thing. Thank you to everyone who has been so helpful and supportive of us. I'll make sure to keep you all updated when we finally get our baby girl home. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

AITA if I tell my daughter Grandma is ashamed of her race

INCONCLUSIVE

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1690p6i/aita_if_i_tell_my_daughter_grandma_is_ashamed_of/

1690qpw

**I am not the original poster. Original post by** u/stuffedinashoe **in** r/tifu. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!NONE!< mood spoilers: >!it’s a funny embarrassing story, everything turned out fine in the end!< --- &nbsp; ###[**TIFU by saying “titty” during a game of Heads Up with my girlfriend’s family**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/gp6p0b/tifu_by_saying_titty_during_a_game_of_heads_up/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Sat, May 23, 2020* For anyone who doesn’t know what the game “Heads Up” is like: Player A holds a card/phone up on their forehead, which they cannot see. If the card/phone says a term like “Netflix,” people on Player A’s team will give clues so Player A guesses the term. A good clue for this would be “it’s not Hulu, but...” and Player A would guess Netflix, get it right, and move onto the next term. My girlfriend’s family come from the Midwest - classic old-fashioned, church-going, people. Very nice people but very reserved. I, on the other hand, come from a family of Italians from the east coast. Admittedly, this means sometimes I should have a better filter than I do. So there we all are, enjoying some drinks and playing a fun game of Heads Up. The clue was “Janet Jackson.” I’m not sure why I blurted it out. Maybe a mix of embarrassing competitiveness and the liquor, but I immediately screamed “TITTY OUT AT THE SUPER BOWL!!!” Time stopped. I saw my entire relationship flash before me. I’ve never been in a situation where one second feels like an eternity until this moment. Everyone stopped yelling clues. My girlfriend didn’t even guess. Everyone just stopped and stared at me. I became so anxious, started sweating. I can only imagine my face at this moment would’ve made the Top Posts of All Time on r/WatchPeopleDieInside. My girlfriends parents’ friends broke the ice. They said “Ok well I think it’s time for us to get out of here.” Everyone followed suit. I awkwardly said goodbye and I’m sorry but I knew what I had done couldn’t be undone. My girlfriend ignored me the rest of the night, still including now, where I’m hiding in the bathroom writing this post. I’m not sure what the ramifications will be and if our relationship will survive, but it’s not looking good. My girlfriend obviously doesn’t care about the word titty - I think more so the fact that her boyfriend SCREAMED “titty” out of nowhere in a friendly game of Heads Up. The ironic thing is I think that was an A+ clue. If we were playing with my family, not only would everyone have died laughing at someone screaming “Titty,” but they all would’ve guessed the term correctly. It was that moment that I realized just how different two families can be. **TL;DR:** I screamed “TITTY OUT AT THE SUPERBOWL” during a game of Heads Up with my girlfriends conservative family. &nbsp; ***All Updates were added to original post*** ####**UPDATE** A lot of people saying she isn’t the one, break up with her, etc... uhhh no. We have the same sense of humor. She isn’t as conservative as her parents. Her parents joke around and curse, but when someone screams TITTY in an inappropriate setting it’s a little crass. Woke up and she was fine - just said she was annoyed the night ended like that. Going out to dinner with them tonight so let’s hope I don’t shout any more expletives. So many miserable people telling me to break up with her after hearing one small story. &nbsp; ####SECOND UPDATE We went to dinner with the same group and we laughed about it. I was a little confused because they acted like it wasn’t a huge deal all of a sudden. Maybe they realized they were a little uptight? Not sure. But I say hello and my girlfriends dad’s friend said “hey man, I wonder how Janet Jackson is going today” and everyone laughed. I said something along the lines of “I let the tiger out of the cage last night so that’s my bad!” They laughed and said it’s fine, it was just getting late. My girlfriend and I are fine - she isn’t the monster you guys make her out to be. How would you feel if you knew your parents were conservative and your boyfriend shouted titty out? Probably a little annoyed, and she had a right to be. For everyone saying I should break up with her, she’s awful, it sounds like a “fun” relationship /s... you guys are miserable human beings. What kind of person do you have to be to tell an internet stranger to break up with his girlfriend of two years because of one small story? Sounds like you’re just a bunch of miserable people who want others to be miserable as well. Probably incel idiots. To everyone who got the point of the post (that it’s a funny embarrassing story) without reading too far into it, thank you for the kind words. A lot of people said not to listen to the idiots and I appreciate that. Not that I would ever listen to the internet about my relationship, but it was appreciated. Also obligatory “thanks for the gold and silver!” &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

I said “TITTY” during a game of Heads Up with my girlfriend’s conservative family

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1690qpw/i_said_titty_during_a_game_of_heads_up_with_my/

1697brf

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Fearless-Opening5181 **in** r/AmItheAsshole trigger warnings: >!infidelity!< *thanks to* u/Sufficient_Bag_4551 *for suggesting this BORU*   [**AITA for taking my daughter to Disneyland?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15wh54l/aita_for_taking_my_daughter_to_disneyland/) **- 20th August 2023** I kinda already think I’m not, but my family is convincing me I am. I (28F) when on a vacation with my daughter (5F) and my husband (29M) as a last vacation before we’re a family of 4. I’m 7 months pregnant and we wanted to spend time with our daughter before her brother was born. When I was around 13, me my mom my dad and my little brother went on a Disneyland vacation. It was fun and all until my dad left his phone in the hotel and they wouldn’t give us it back. He had to get a new one and my mom and dad were so upset that we never went back. I thought this was irrational since it was my moms favorite place. We went at least once a year growing up. After that whole ordeal my mom hated it. So when me and my husband wanted to go on a *before baby arrives vacation*, we decided to go to Disneyland for around 3 days. My daughter loves the princesses and the idea of magic so when we told her she was overjoyed. I told my mom when we were at lunch together that we were going on a trip, when I told her it was Disneyland she was enraged. I was extremely confused because I thought she forgot about it honestly. She called me a backstabber and just really rude words. She stormed out of the restaurant and I paid and left a few minutes later. A few hours later my dad called me and screamed at me that “this family doesn’t go to Disney, if u weren’t such a spoiled little (b word) u would understand that” I was shocked. It was MY money I was spending and I thought everyone was over it, my mom texted me a long paragraph about how she would go no contact and wouldn’t be my mother anymore if I still went, the trip was fully paid for so I responded “okay I guess u only have a son now.” And blocked her. I’ve gotten atleast 60 calls from family and a few texts telling me I’m wrong. We still went and got back yesterday. We all had a blast and my daughter rode her first big girl coaster. She loved every minute of it so in my opinion it was all worth it. **so, AITA??** **EDIT 1:** Woah, posted this around 2 hours ago and have gotten a lot of comments. first off, thank u for all the NTA’s. I was kinda scared that I was gonna get attacked. I think once I get home I’m gonna unblock my mom and ask if we can meet up. We haven’t spoken since all this happened. hoping we can meet up for lunch and we can talk. Also, I’ve been seeing a lot of comments where people think something way bigger happened. I can’t remember anything else happening tho, I’m gonna ask if and when we talk tho. I’ll keep u all posted. btw I’m in cali and I don’t get off work until 5 PM-5:30ish so once I get off and get home I will talk to my mom. I’ve seen a lot of people wanting a update so I’ll try and get one to you all soon. **EDIT 2:** Holy shit lol I truly didn’t expect this to go viral. I’m getting ready for work and just wow! so last night I unblocked my mom, messaged her and basically said “I wanna talk, I know that our last fight was really messy but I wanna meet up for lunch and talk.” and she responded! She said yes and we’re meeting up today. My dad is also coming because I want a apology from him for what he called me. I truly can't even process the phone call that happened. I want to get answers as fast as possible because I’ve seen so many comments saying this wasn’t over a phone. I have really bad memory and this was 15 years ago, but I remember most of it because that whole situation was very messy. I will definitely be updating u guys after the lunch. I’ve also seen people saying my parents might not like Disney because they are more liberal, I don’t think that’s the reason tho. 15 years ago tho was very different as well. I’ll ask that when we meet up but I don’t see it as a real reason. I’ve also seen people saying it’s very unreasonable to go no-contact/very limited contact because of this, which I agree with. I think she was just saying that to scare me, which is still very gross. But we still went and she messaged me back so I guess we will just see, my husband also might come with me because I don’t know how my parents will react when I ask them my questions. They know we still went so I’m not to scared but I can’t be sure. I’ll update with how the lunch goes soon!!   **Comments** *NTA at all!! The fact that your parents are really upset about a phone is crazy, yes they wouldn’t give the phone back it’s unfortunate shouldn’t be a reason to hate Disneyland with a passion. This happened what like almost 20 years ago!? The OP parents shouldn’t be punishing there granddaughter, there’s definitely different employees there, and the trip is already payed for and I’m sure the OP and the husband already took time off work. And then calling you names and saying they’ll disown you is not ok. What would you have to tell the child why y’all wouldn’t be going to Disney oh cause years ago grandpa forgot his phone and they wouldn’t give it back but he’s got a new phone but they still got beef so now you can’t go!?* >this is why I was so shocked, my mom even said in her long ass text that we should “cancel the trip and forgive & forget for the family” when me and my husband had taken time off work and we had canceled her preschool days for the trip. we spent like a good 2-3 months planning this and I wasn’t going to disappoint my daughter cause grandma and grandpa didn’t check the room before they left. &#x200B; *So why wouldn't your parents just call the police on the hotel back then? Or some sort of higher manager? If it was that important, you'd think they'd have fought for it.* >we did, they put it in lost and found and it was very confusing on our end. it got to a point where we just gave up and he got a new one. after all these comments I’m starting to get scared maybe something bigger happened?? think I might unblock my mom and ask her. &#x200B; *NTA, and there's something not right about your parents' story. It sounds like either Disney never actually found the phone and your parents assumed they were "refusing to return it", or the phone was somehow destroyed, or there was illegal material on the phone, or they wanted to charge a shipping fee your parents didn't want to pay, or if was something else entirely like your father misbehaved and was banned from the property. Either way, their story is not truthful. Hotels don't just refuse to return personal belongings, and a lost phone is not good enough reason for a seething lifelong grudge. Congratulations on your incoming new family member, and I'm glad your daughter enjoyed the trip! What a special memory for her.* >thank you! she had so much fun and she has been wanting to go ever since she watched tangled, I definitely think after all the comments I’ve been getting that there is something way bigger at hand then just a “lost phone” tho. once I get home from work I’m gonna try and talk to my mom and ask if she even still wants to talk to me. I truly don’t understand why my dad and mom would hold a grudge this long &#x200B; *NTA at all!! The fact that your parents are really upset about a phone is crazy, yes they wouldn’t give the phone back it’s unfortunate shouldn’t be a reason to hate Disneyland with a passion. This happened what like almost 20 years ago!? The OP parents shouldn’t be punishing there granddaughter, there’s definitely different employees there, and the trip is already payed for and I’m sure the OP and the husband already took time off work. And then calling you names and saying they’ll disown you is not ok. What would you have to tell the child why y’all wouldn’t be going to Disney oh cause years ago grandpa forgot his phone and they wouldn’t give it back but he’s got a new phone but they still got beef so now you can’t go!?* >this is why I was so shocked, my mom even said in her long ass text that we should “cancel the trip and forgive & forget for the family” when me and my husband had taken time off work and we had canceled her preschool days for the trip. we spent like a good 2-3 months planning this and I wasn’t going to disappoint my daughter cause grandma and grandpa didn’t check the room before they left. &#x200B; **Judgement is clearly NTA** [**FINAL UPDATE on the same post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15wh54l/aita_for_taking_my_daughter_to_disneyland/) **- 22nd August 2023** We’ll here it is fella’s, ur final update. around 1PM yesterday we went to lunch, my husband didn’t come because he had an important meeting at his work. I wasn’t that scared anyway because we were going to a pretty popular restaurant it wasn’t like I would be alone with them. We got there and sat down, I started talking to my mom and dad and started asking my questions. It was mostly just “why would u get so mad?” And “it’s my money and I wanted to make my daughter have a fun vacation with her parents before she has a brother?” And I was met with them gaslighting me and thinking because they don’t love Disney I can’t go. I was in the verge of tears, and leaving. so I asked my final question that I really wanted a answer on. “This can’t be over a f\*cking phone, there has to be something going on to make u blow up like this.” they then told me what really happened. So my dad did actually leave his phone. when house keeping went to clean the room for the next family to arrive, the woman who was cleaning took the phone and took it to lost and found. She saw my moms contact on my dad's little smart phone and called her and we went to pick it back up, but the woman also saw another contact that said “baby”. My dad was cheating for a good year to a year and a half, she told my mom and my mom blamed that woman for “ruining her marriage” by telling her. That’s why they hated Disney, cause it ruined their marriage. I walked out after that, I didn’t pay either. I don’t think I’m gonna talk to them after this, only if my daughter and son want to. They betrayed my trust and never apologized either for what they called me a few days ago. I don’t know why we never got the phone back, probably will never know, but here is the official ending of this crazy ass story. &#x200B;  **Comments** *Your mother was in denial about your father’s affair so she just decided to hate an entire company?* *That’s hardcore delusion, and that’s she’s still with your dad after all of that? I don’t blame you for wanting no contact after that.* *My theory is if they got the phone back they'd have to face the fact that your dad was having an affair. By leaving the phone behind they could pretend the contact "baby" and the affair didn't exist.* &#x200B; **Flaired as concluded as we now know why the parents dislike Disneyland.** **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITA for taking my daughter to Disneyland?

CONCLUDED

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1697brf/aita_for_taking_my_daughter_to_disneyland/

169atvc

I am not OP; that would be u/throwrawhich2 I received permission from the OOP to share to this community, and she posted the update to her profile because her other posts to other communities were locked. **Nick's pronouns are referred to as they/them by OOP** Trigger Warning: >!online harassment, physical abuse!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwrawhich2/comments/10ceyt6/myf19_boyfriendm20_invited_family_to_a_comingout/): **January 15th, 2023** Long time lurker and never thought I'd be posting, but I suppose that changes today. Nick and I met in high school and have been dating for two years, but I'm rather concerned about a recent event. I'll get straight into it. My boyfriend's parents planned a backyard party for their 20th birthday last weekend, but my boyfriend wanted it to also be a coming-out party as bi. They came out to me a few weeks prior, and their parents were super supportive and cool. Nick invited some of their friends to come too, and their parents helped find a hotel for family to stay at with decent rates. However, something regarding one of their friends made them cancel the party entirely, and it has me rather concerned One of their friends (Jeremy) has been a little distant since learning about them coming out, and it's a friend they knew since middle school. This was a few weeks before the party, but it made them really sad. Jeremy said he couldn't come to the party before becoming distant in text/ghosting, but he promised to be there before the news of them coming out. I tried my best to comfort Nick, but they said they wanted space, and I tried to respect it. I didn't text them for a few days because they said they would when they were ready. But when they did, Nick said they told his parents to cancel the party last minute because they weren't in the mood to enjoy it, and it was cancelled by the time they told me. I told Nick I was sorry and that I was down to celebrate in another way if they wanted, but they didn't want to celebrate at all, and I told them I respected their decision However, some of the family who booked hotels/agreed to stay with other relatives still came up on their birthday weekend because some of them had other plans for the weekend too. Their extended family hadn't seen each other since pre-covid, and the party was gonna be the first time in awhile due to some relative's vaccination disagreements. But when Nick's parents cancelled the party at their home, many of them made reservations for a restaurant and sightseeing since they had already booked the weekend, and we were invited to join them. Many of them sent e-gift cards to Nick's email, but Nick was upset which really surprised me. Nick had never ranted on social media before, but Nick tagged a bunch of relatives who wished them happy birthday on Facebook and called them "assholes" for coming up on "their weekend" despite the party being cancelled. They also said it was rude of them to make plans when it was "supposed to be their weekend" and that they "wouldn't have gathered without him", and they blocked a bunch of them too Nick's parents tried to call him after they sent the post, but they didn't tell me what they talked about. But when I told them that that was no way to be, they hit me for the first time and said I "couldn't relate" to them. I get that they were hurt by Jeremy, and I tried to tell them that their feelings were valid. But at the same time, they never hit me before, and they disagreed about the post too. I only told one friend who said they'd hit me again if they did it once, and I haven't told my parents yet. I don't see them the same way after this and don't want to subject myself to it in the future, but it's hard because I wonder if it would've happened if Jeremy never ghosted them. But my friend said that Nick probably had another side I never saw until that moment. I just want to ask how to address it with them because it's hard, but I don't know if I should if they could try to hit me again. Should I do it with a friend or maybe after telling one of my parents too? I'm leaning towards the latter, but I just want advice on how to leave without making them feel that their identity is to blame like Jeremy made them think [Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwrawhich2/comments/10ceyt6/myf19_boyfriendm20_invited_family_to_a_comingout/): **March 22nd, 2023** I just want to clarify a few details before going into the update. Jeremy said he was coming to the party before Nick came out on social media (and said their birthday party would also be a coming-out party for convenience instead of having two parties), but said that something came up afterwards. Nick knew Jeremy before they met me, so they were really close which is why Nick was hurting When Nick cancelled the party, they did so very last minute to the point where it was inconvenient for family (who was coming up) to cancel their plans as Nick wanted (which was also very unreasonable because some were coming from far). Their party was also the first time extended family was gonna see each other since covid (due to vaccination disagreements between certain relatives prior), so they already had plans outside of Nick's birthday such as sightseeing the day after and eating at a restaurant, and Nick and I were invited too (they were gonna pay for Nick at the restaurant for their birthday too) As for the update, we're no longer together, but I didn't get to send a text like I wanted (telling them that I was leaving because they hit me and not because they came out because I didn't want to misinterpret it after how they were hurt by Jeremy) because they broke up with me in a post first where he vented about our argument (the one where they hit me, but of course didn't include that) and said we were done Their rant also reiterated how it was "common decency" to "not hang out without the birthday person" at the restaurant/sightseeing that was ALREADY PLANNED FOR THE DAY AFTER THEIR PARTY, but they still don't seem to get it. They also said that they "wouldn't have gathered if not for their birthday" and that they were disrespectful by doing so. Thing is, their extended family was super supportive of them coming out when he initially did on Facebook, and they even sent them money/gift cards when the party was cancelled too. They also ranted about Jeremy in his slew of rants, and they said they're not friends anymore too. They were rather specific and vulgar in the posts about him too, and it really showed an ugly side of them. I told a few people that they hit me, but not on social media and over call because I disagree with getting into online feuds, but I did make it known that they hit me to some of their/our friends who have since stopped hanging out with him too I tried to call them after the post they made about me, but they didn't pick up when I tried twice. I'm trying my best to move on, but it's just surreal how they took out their frustration towards Jeremy on seemingly everyone. I was able to talk to my parents since my first post, and they said that it's okay to be hurt but that it's also wrong to take it out on everyone too. So I'm just trying to stay away from dating because it's been a lot and I want to get as far from it as I can \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ (Notable Comments) u/NotSoSmartChick: "I didn’t read anything in your post beyond them hitting you. Game over, this relationship needs to end now. If it does not, I guarantee you with 100% certainty they will hit you again. And again. And again. I don’t care why it happened. Don’t care if they’re sorry. Don’t care if they are genuinely remorseful and swear to seek help. You need to be done" u/threeforagirl: Jeremy is irrelevant. If it wasn't him it would have been something else that was a perfectly good reason for him to physically assault you and verbally abuse his family. Treat him as a danger. Do not talk to him. Stop worrying about this violent and erratic man's possible hurt feelings. Your safety is far more important than his feelings. He didn't care about your feelings when he hit you. And tbh he will know perfectly well why you're leaving. It's because he hit you. If he wants to tell himself it's because he's bisexual, that's his massive personality problem. Get out. Use extreme caution. Tell your parents. And do not have a confrontation or explanation: that is potentially very dangerous to you

My(f19) boyfriend(m20) invited family to a coming-out party on his birthday, but became upset when they cancelled and family still came up having already booked hotels. They then took to Facebook for a rant and hit me when I called them out

INCONCLUSIVE

ThrowRA3837374

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/169atvc/myf19_boyfriendm20_invited_family_to_a_comingout/

169hin7

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Throwra-brokenwife **My(41f) husband(52m) has a second family on the side** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Infidelity!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15jtz9k/my41f_husband52m_has_a_second_family_on_the_side/) **Aug 6, 2023** I’ve been sitting with this information for almost two weeks now and I still don’t know how to proceed. My husband has been in what seems like a committed relationship with another woman and he’s playing happy families with her and her three sons. They’re even planning on a having a baby. A week ago I stumbled on a tiktok account of this lady sharing her recipes and in the background I recognized my husband’s back. I wasn’t too sure at first but after taking a real good look and as his wife I know that fools neck, back,legs and the clothing he was wearing, so I went looking through her posted videos just to piece together a confirmation of it really being my husband and I continued to keep an eye on him and his movements but he seemed normal. It’s clear to me now that he has his cheating down to a science. Every time he went on his work trips she’d post these videos saying she’s cooking a new recipe because her man is coming back from his work trip. She’d plate the food up and I’d recognized his grubby hands by their look and the way he’d hold the cutlery (he has a peculiar way of holding it, kind of looks like a neanderthal discovering forks and knifes ) I can’t believe this bastard has been with her for three years. I don’t know how he found the time to start an entire relationship on the side. I thought we were happy. He tells me loves me all the time. Always brings me a gift from his work trips. When he’s home we have a great sex life and pretty much have sex four to six times a week. We talk all the time. We’ve been married for twenty one years and we have two daughters. We lost our eldest son 10 years ago but we worked through it and got closer then ever before. We are even due to have our twenty second anniversary and it’s his turn to plan it (we alternate who plans the anniversary each year). I know he’s been planning an elaborate party for us. So why is he cheating? I am so angry and don’t know what steps to take. I am utterly distraught. I thought we were happy. I thought he loved our little life. I feel like I can’t think and I barely know where to start. I can barely focus. What do I do and how do I do it? I love coming on here and reading things and giving advice but now that it’s me I feel like I can’t think. I nearly burned my kitchen down because I literally spaced out and forgot that I was cooking. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **CrystalQueen3000** >Collect all the evidence, all of the videos and a timeline of all of his “work trips”, contact a divorce lawyer and hit him with divorce papers. >I’m normally of the approach that splits should be as amicable as possible but this fucker has a whole second family… Be the definition of a woman scorned **OOP replied** >>I’ve been downloading all her tiktoks and screenshot everything she has posted on her instagram. I have also been collecting all our bank statements but I can’t find anything incriminating. At this point I’m thinking he has a secondary bank account I don’t know of and he’s probably having the post delivered at his office or at his mistresses house. >>I’m actually considering hiring a private investigator to do a deep dive since I can’t find any other evidence of his cheating. **Constant_Cultural** >Do you have real evidence or just pictures of a guys back? **OOP replied** >So no there are no pictures or videos of his full face/front body. She always has him obscured or puts emoji’s where his face is. But looking through various pictures and videos posted I have recognised his body(hands,entire back,lips,haircut,scares) ,his clothes, his suitcases, his cars interior, his grandfathers watch and his laptop(there’s nothing special about it but my daughters have put a ton stickers on the bottom part) >So piecing all of that together I am certain it’s him. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/16412nj/update_to_my41f_husband52m_has_a_second_family_on/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2)  **Aug 28, 2023** Firstly, thank you all for your kindness and for all the great advice you’ve given me. I am truly grateful! The past couple weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions. I have been able to engage the services of a great divorce lawyer and I was advised to not let my husband know that I knew of his affair. I was then finally given the go ahead a few days ago, and well at first he refused to admit to anything, but I was prepared for that and I showed him all the online posts his mistress made. I also showed him pictures taken by my investigator. He still denied it. Then accused me of being insane. Then after hours of me just throwing evidence after evidence at him, he finally admitted to the affair. He tried to twist things so that he could weasel and lie his way out of it but I was relentless. I did not let him twist reality and make me doubt the plain truth. We argued all day and all night, it was exhausting. The next morning he tried get on my good side because I woke up to him having made breakfast and he was begging me to not hate him and to find it in my heart to forgive. I told him I could not and that I wanted a divorce. That brought on the waterworks and he called me a heartless and a unforgiving bitch. He then left to take his things to his parents house as I had asked him to leave. While he was at his parents I went to his mistress’s home. My sister went with me (she waited in the car) and well she let me in and we talked. She wasn’t even surprised I was there (I had already suspected she was aware of him being a married man but I still gave her the benefit of the doubt). She was actually gloating when she told me about how in love he is with her, how good he is to her boys and how he bought her the house, the car and all the other money he spent on her. She then told me if I wasn’t such a lazy bitch and gold digger (how I’m a golddigger I don’t understand as I work and earn more than him) he wouldn’t have been so easily taken and how my lack of submission and servitude was the reason he cheated. As she was flapping her gums, he arrived and he was pissed off at her. They argued as he told her not to speak to me like that and he in no uncertain terms told her that he wants to be with me, that she’s ruining his chance at saving his marriage. I just thanked her for being forthcoming and continued to laugh my way out of the house because yes my husband makes great money but as his business partner I own half of his business and as his wife I own half of all his other asset’s. So I am glad that she gloated and that she confirmed that he paid for most of what she has. Now I know for certain that he nor she deserve an ounce of my sympathy, and I will take back everything he ever gave her, and much more! **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **No-Koala-7019** >Is he still trying to get you back, or is he now with the mistress. **OOP replied** >He was at the house earlier today and begging on his knees then screaming please please don’t do this,then flipping out. He finally left after I had threatened to call the police. >He’s also constantly sending me crazy ass texts saying we shouldn’t let the devil get between us, he’s also sending me inspirational quotes and stories, links to marriage councillors and begging me to go to it. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My(41f) husband(52m) has a second family on the side

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/169hin7/my41f_husband52m_has_a_second_family_on_the_side/

169hkpt

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/AkireCha **WIBTAH If I (26F) break up with my BF (28M) of 4+ years over his 40+ body count?** **Originally posted to** r/AITAH [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/162nfin/wibtah_if_i_26f_break_up_with_my_bf_28m_of_4/) **Aug 27, 2023** We dated for 3 years, broke up for 2 years and now we are trying to make things work again for the past year or more. We have an insane amount trust issues due to his infidelity in the past. Things have been hard but we are doing better than ever. Tonight we had a discussion and he brought up the fact that he had slept with 20+ women in one year while we were broken up. Before we dated he had slept with 20+ women and I thought that was his "hoe phase" but now I am finding out he doubled it since. I am struggling to view him the same. I am almost disgusted by how many women he went through in just 1 year. It makes me question his fidelity going forward, his view on sex and whether its just a transaction to him or not, I am worried about his impulse control, and I'm worried that what he acts like when he's single (doing coke and fucking anyone) is a testament to his character and not just some phase. And then on a personal level I am afraid I dont live up to the sex history he has and the caliber of woman he can get. This has all made me extremely insecure. He told me to try and figure out if this news changes whether I want to be with him or not and get back to him because he doesnt want to feel judged. I wanted to marry this man, have his kids, all of it. Now I cant even look at him. Will this pass? Or should I just end it. TLDR Bf broke the news of his 40+ body count and now I am disgusted by him. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **[deleted]** >NTA >>"his view on sex" >IMO, that's what it comes down to. It's not a good or bad thing to have any kind of body count. It's bad to be hypocritical about it (what flies for me doesn't fly for thee), but it's definitely fair to use this information. Just be honest with yourself about why you judge things (he is not the kind of person you like vs you're insecure and would continue to be unless addressed). You seem already clear that you want family, but the person you're with is more of a square peg you're trying to fit into that picture. **OOP replied** >>I think that talk is what will make or break this. >>I view sex much more intimately than him, he sees sex as just a casual encounter. Can those 2 people even be compatible? [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/163dzpz/wibtah_if_i_26f_breakup_with_my_bf_28m_of_4_years/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2)  **Aug 28, 2023** Did not expect the original post to blow up so much. Definitely goes to show how controversial a body count can be to everyone. I've learned that everyone is owed their own opinions and personally 40+ people in your 20s is alot. But I do have views more so on the conservative side of things. So, to each their own. I want to give a bit of a backup story and answer some questions. First time we dated, we were living together and I was a paranoid, insecure and controlling girlfriend. It pushed him away and ruined the relationship. When I went through his phone once, I found he was on multiple dating sites but had never physically met up with anyone. I do still considering that cheating regardless of not having physical contact. During our breakup, he had a brief relationship but spent most of that time exploring his single life. I can't be mad at that, I wasn't in the picture and although I can have my opinion, I really can't judge what happened during that time. Personally, I was in a relationship with the first man I had sex with after we broke up. I dated him for the majority of the two years we were broken up. So even if he fucked 20+ women, I am pretty sure I was having more consistent sex than he was altogether. I think some of my hurt is stemming from jealousy. Either jealousy that I didn't get to have a "hoe phase" or jealousy that he was able to get a plethora of women back home with him. (I am bi but don't have much experience with women) But I definitely don't want or need a hoe phase, and I don't think having threesomes with him would be healthy for my mental health. I am trying to navigate these emotions the best I can. Now for the update. I didn't sleep at all after he told me about his single life. When he woke up, I decided to ask some important questions that were sending my mind in a spiral. I asked why he did it, if he was attracted to the thrill of pursuing new women, if he was attracted to the variety of women, or if he was desperately looking for a relationship. He explained that he was just a single, horny man. And he would take girls home and either he didn't like how the sex went or he realized immediately that he couldn't stand them and would just have casual sex and move on. He explained that he wasn't attracted to the variety or pursuit, and he didn't actually enjoy not being able to find someone compatible. We kept in touch during this time and he would tell me how he still loved me, how he couldn't help but compare to me and my mannerisms or personality. And no one ever matched up. So when we finally did get back together, he would always tell me he was so happy he wasn't out there single because all he ever wanted was me and he jumped right back in my life the second I gave him any bit of wiggle room. I asked him for validation and he gave that to me. I needed to know why he wants to settle down with me, if he still talks to or knows any of these girls, if he used protection, if he still desires other women etcetc. He gave me all the validation I needed to know that regardless of his sexcapades that he loves me and wants to be with only me for the rest of his life. And I believe that. If he could be with 40+ women or more and he chooses to sit here and talk with me for hours about how much he loves me then yeah, that's gotta show that he's putting in effort and time to make sure I feel special. He used protection the entire time and we both had STD tests done before we started hooking up again. All of the women were found at a bar so there's no chance of him being able to still contact them. I will just have to trust him on that. I think the next step is to get back into couple's therapy with him and discuss how things move forward with this new information. But to me, I still love him just the same. He is still the same man to me, still the man I want to marry and love for the rest of my life. It may be taboo to try and make a relationship work after trust issues but I have always had them. I have major trauma from abuse in past relationships and I will always struggle trusting people. This is something we both agreed on having to work and deal with and he has showed tremendous effort in accommodating my feelings in our current relationship. Thank you to everyone who answered with stories I can relate to or advice from similiar relationships. It helps alot to hear that other people are capable of making that dynamic work. I appreciate all the responses, whether they helped or not. I am taking everything with a grain of salt because I really can't rely on reddit strangers to give me answers in my romantic life. I just enjoy venting. And especially thank you to the person who messaged me to inform me that mods were deleting answers that were agreeing that high body counts are a red flag, trying to control the narrative. Again, to each their own. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

WIBTAH If I (26F) break up with my BF (28M) of 4+ years over his 40+ body count?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/169hkpt/wibtah_if_i_26f_break_up_with_my_bf_28m_of_4/

169vzjz

**I am not the original poster. Original post by** u/AQuietBorderline **in** r/MaliciousCompliance. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!NONE!< mood spoilers: >!Mild annoyance, Amusement, Satisfaction, Argument and tension within the family, potential relationship issue between the dad and stepmother!< --- &nbsp; ###[**My French Stepmother Learns The Hard Way That Americans Can Cook**](https://www.reddit.com/r/MaliciousCompliance/comments/l5tri8/my_french_stepmother_learns_the_hard_way_that/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Tue, Jan 26, 2021* This happened today and my brother and I are still are laughing about it, except Gabrielle (said stepmother) and Dad (who is embarrassed). Dad came into town to visit my brother (let's call him Mark) and me for a few days and brought Gabrielle with him. Gabrielle has her good traits...but she does have this one really nasty trait. She is notoriously picky/critical when it comes to food. You know the stereotypical snooty and rude French character in movies/books who always complains "that is not how this is done in France"? She's this way when it comes to food. Going out to eat with her is embarrassing. She constantly sends back food, is insistent on food being made a certain way and always demands certain things done a certain way. One time, she asked the waiter to bring some mustard to the table...not 2 minutes later, she called him back because "the mustard is old, bring us a new unopened bottle". More than once, I've had to apologize to the wait staff on my family's behalf and told the manager that I will vouch for them should Gabrielle leave a bad review on their site. She's made waiters and managers cry, she's *that* bad. Honestly, I have no idea why Dad puts up with her when she does that, even though I know he's just as embarrassed as Mark and I are. We can only chalk it up to Gabrielle having a magical hoo-ha. When they got here yesterday, for some reason, they insisted they wanted to go out to dinner. Dad recommended our new favorite new diner, which is known for its breakfasts at any time of the day. We live close to a major interstate and the saying about truckers knowing all the best diners and holes in the wall in all 50 states and then some is true. It's a greasy spoon in every sense of the word. Right out of the 1950's, every leather booth filled with truckers or locals, waitresses who automatically know their regulars' orders by heart and don't put up with crap from anyone, a bustling kitchen and while spotless, is just worn enough to let you know many people have been there. In other words; it has character. It may not look like a 5 star restaurant, it has some of the best breakfasts you're ever going to eat. I was hesitant to take Gabrielle there if only because I didn't want to ruin the staff's day. Mark and I have been there enough times that the wait staff/cooks know us. However, Dad wanted Gabrielle to experience "a true American classic" and was offering to pay. So off we (reluctantly) went. Luckily, we got there during a not really busy time, so I told Dad to find a parking spot and I would go in to get us a table. The reason I did this was so I could warn the staff about Gabrielle and apologize in advance for anything she did. Fortunately, our usual waitress (let's call her Mary), thanked me for the warning and warned the rest of the staff. We go in, get our booth...and Gabrielle tries pulling her usual stunts. I won't go into everything she did because we'll be here forever but I'll leave a highlight reel. 1) Gabrielle sent Mary back three times with the coffee because (in order "it was too cold", "it was too hot" and "not enough cream". Finally Mary (who doesn't let anybody push her around) just slapped the coffee pot on the table along with the cream/sugar and told Gabrielle to make do because she wasn't going back to get her damn coffee. This made Mark and me chuckle and Gabrielle steam. 2) While waiting (and probably still stewing from Mary's little come back with the coffee), Gabrielle decided to accost Stephanie, who had just started and tell her to get some fresh biscuits. Not ask. Tell. Poor Stephanie (who is understandably anxious about her job) does as told and then Gabrielle made a fuss about the packets of butter not being soft enough, despite Stephanie explaining that all the butter was kept cold for safety reasons. Gabrielle made a snide remark about how Stephanie couldn't wait five extra minutes to let the butter soften...which made Stephanie tear up and me about ready to tell Gabrielle to go fuck a French chef if food was that important to her. 3) When our meals did arrive, Gabrielle was quiet during the meal, not making comments. I was unsure what was going to happen as a result. Either she really liked it (which I doubted, seeing as I've never seen her compliment anyone's cooking whenever we've gone out) or she was planning some nasty barb (which I feared). When Mary dropped off the bill, Gabrielle took it before Dad could and said she was paying. Because I was sitting next to her, Gabrielle left a big fat 0 in the tip line and left a note about "It's cute that American chefs think they're good cooks when they've never stepped in a real kitchen before. Prove me wrong" before closing the little book the receipt came in and hiding it so nobody else could see what she wrote. I was pissed when I read that note and was about ready to slap Gabrielle. I know the chefs/servers who work at this particular diner learned their skills on the job and, if you ask me, they have every right to be as proud of their work as someone who went to culinary school would be. While I'm looking at going to culinary school myself to become a pastry chef...I respect people who've learned by working in kitchens/on the floor because they have first hand experience. I took out $100 using the ATM at the diner and gave it to the staff as a tip along with an apology for her behavior, embarrassed and angry. Fortunately, they didn't hold it against us (except Gabrielle) and told me that Mark and I were always welcome back. I also decided I was going to get back at Gabrielle. There was a benefit to this lockdown. During this time, bored out of our wits and wanting to better our skills, Mark and I have been binge watching recipe and cooking how to videos online along with practicing. And while I don't like bragging...I'd say we've become quite good. We know how to smoke our own bacon, cure corned beef, make creamy scrambled eggs and bake flaky croissants...and that's just a sampling. When we got home, I told Mark my plan and he was grinning ear to ear. The next day, while Gabrielle and Dad still slept, Mark and I got up early and got right to work. We prepared scrambled eggs, home cured/smoked bacon, biscuits and a fruit salad. Dad woke up early and smelled the breakfast, waking up Gabrielle by saying that the kids were making breakfast. Dad came downstairs first and Mark asked him to set the table. Gabrielle came down as we were finishing up and she sits down, not offering to help. While Gabrielle commented about how it smells just like a restaurant she went to in France and couldn't wait to taste everything, Mark and I served Dad and our plates before putting everything back. Gabrielle looked at us, confused. I looked at her, "Oh, I thought you were going to a French cafe for breakfast" I said. "You did write on the receipt at the diner that you thought it was cute Americans think they're good cooks if they haven't set foot in a real kitchen and you wanted someone to prove you wrong." Dad looked at Gabrielle, his eyes wide as all the color drained from Gabrielle's face. "You wrote what?!" "Well, hop to it." I said, sitting down. "Enjoy your French breakfast with your French chefs." Gabrielle's face reddened before she left. I don't know if she was embarrassed or angry...but we were able to have a nice breakfast without any of Gabrielle's complaining. She did come back after getting breakfast and has been nice and quiet all day. Hopefully she's learned her lesson and Dad grows a backbone. &nbsp; ###UPDATE *Wed, Jan 27, 2021* *Added to original post* RIP my Inbox! Holy smokes! I'm glad most of you enjoyed my story and had their own stories to tell about Gabrielles in their lives. I'm so sorry you have to deal with people like her as well...they really are the worst and give both good French and stepparents a bad lesson. Dad and Gabrielle were supposed to stay with us for a few days before I returned to work next week (all 4 of us got sick with the Bug at one point or another during the last 6 months and have remained symptom free, thank goodness so no need for us to quarantine once they arrived). They left this morning...but not before they had a vicious argument last night after my brother and I went to bed. And when I say vicious, I mean it was so loud we could hear every word. Thank God the neighbors couldn't hear otherwise we might've had the cops called on us. Dad chewed Gabrielle out on what she wrote on the receipt and reminded her that she had promised him she'd be on her best behavior. After all, this restaurant was special to not just Mark and me but Dad as well. Gabrielle defended her actions, saying that it was not what she likes, etc...until she finally blew up and revealed the real reason she threw that tantrum in the restaurant. It turned out Dad was planning on surprising Gabrielle on a trip to one of the best restaurants in town to celebrate the anniversary of their first date (which was yesterday). She had found the reservations by accident and thought they were going to it the night they arrived when he was planning on taking her tomorrow to make it a real surprise. So us going to the greasy spoon instead of the super nice expensive restaurant really upset her and she thought he was catering to his kids instead of her. The argument finally ended when Dad took to the couch downstairs, fed up with her BS. So they left this morning...Dad did tell me before they left that he was going to have a serious talk with Gabrielle about her behavior and that until she learned her manners, he was not going to take her out anymore, even to our place. Hopefully that will be either the wakeup call to Gabrielle to behave...or to Dad that he should get out. Oh and to those who said this story is fake (one person asking how we were able to smoke bacon, for your info, we have a pellet grill/smoker and we constantly are curing and smoking bacon because it's so good)... don't you guys have anything better to do? &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

My French Stepmother Learns The Hard Way That Americans Can Cook

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ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/169vzjz/my_french_stepmother_learns_the_hard_way_that/

169w065

**I am not the original poster. Original post submitted to** r/relationship_advice. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!Death of a loved one, Homicide, Suicide, Graphic description of wounds, References to past traumatic experiences, including rape and drug problems!< mood spoilers: >!Confusion and Distress, Sense of loss and emptiness, Grief and mourning, Memories of a deceased loved one!< --- &nbsp; ###[**I don’t really know what to say. The police just showed up in front of my door and told me my stepfather killed my mother**](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hw6zxn/i_dont_really_know_what_to_say_the_police_just/) ***Submitted by*** [u/_makebuellerproud_](https://www.reddit.com/user/_makebuellerproud_/) ***on Thu, July 23, 2020*** *Recovered deleted post* I know this doesn’t sound real. I have my boyfriend and my best friend here. I’ve known this for about 2 and a half hours. It still doesn’t seem real. I don’t really know what I want to accomplish with this post. But I swear it is real. It’s 3:51 AM in Berlin right now. We were trying to finish watching the movie that we started before the police rang at my door... I don’t know what to do. &nbsp; ####EDIT The police just called me. My stepfather killed himself. I wish I could destroy him. Right now I just feel empty ####EDIT 2 I don’t even know why I’m posting here. I’m usually just a lurker. I guess I just want somebody to know. I feel like the whole world should know. My mother is the most amazing person and she had always been my idol. I just... I don’t know how to feel. I’m in our apartment and I feel like everything I see is her. My evening started so different. Everything started so different. I haven’t slept yet, I don’t know how I will. Though sleeping is usually my talent. Mom wakes me up every afternoon if she feels like I’m sleeping too long. Since I moved back in, during the COVID lockdown. &nbsp; ###[**UPDATE: My stepfather killed my mother and then killed himself. I don’t know what to do.**](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hwtmm4/update_my_stepfather_killed_my_mother_and_then/) ***Submitted by*** u/ThrowRAmotherdead ***on Fri, July 24, 2020*** *Recovered deleted post* Hello. My last post got capped so I made a throwaway account. It’s been about 24 hours since the police stood in front of the door to my mom's and my apartment and told me that my mother is dead. I’ve cried so much today, I feel like it’s been an ocean of tears, so much that I just feel empty now. I miss her. So fucking much. It still just feels like a bad dream. This can’t really be real. Her death was on the news and I saw a picture of a body in a blue body bag being rolled into the back of a wagon. That is my mother. In that bag. Oh my god. I'm going to rundown what happened again. Maybe this will make it more real for myself? I don’t know. My boyfriend and I were in the park playing Speedminton on Wednesday evening when my mom called me and told me she would be coming home. I asked her if everything was ok and she said yes, not to worry about it and my boyfriend was still welcome to come over if he liked. I told her ok, I would see her in a moment. We both went home and she wasn’t there. I wasn’t worried, my stepfather and my mom have been together for a while and they’re very much in love but they can fight a lot sometimes. They always make up very quickly. I tried calling her several times to know if she wanted dinner and sent her text messages, and texted and called my stepfather as well. They didn’t answer. This wasn’t so unusual either, I thought they just made up. I’m guessing by this time he had already stabbed her. I feel sick writing this sentence. The police showed up at 3 in the morning, informed me, stayed in the apartment while my boyfriend called my best friend who rushed over with a taxi. Everything is kind of a blur from then on. I remember sitting down to write the reddit post because I didn’t know how to feel or what to do and I guess I wanted to scream my pain into the internet void. At that point my stepfather hadn’t killed himself yet. He had taken his car up into the country side where my mother has a tiny little house at the lake which is her pride and joy. With her garden. Both of them went up there every weekend together. He killed himself there. The fucking bastard. I’ve never been so angry in my life. I loved him, he was a part of my family, we got along really well. Some part of me wishes I could strangle him. Or scratch his eyes out. I just want to scream in his face, how he could do this to me. To her. My lovely mother, fuck she is such a fucking light, she is such an incredible person and we are so close. I told her everything. And not just because she’s my mother she is truly an absolutely amazing person, everybody who met her loved her. I stayed awake until about 6 AM. I smashed a few glasses. I cried a lot. We finished watching the movie. Today I had to call all of the people. My grandparents, her brother, her friends. I had to call my stepfather's children in the UK and tell them what happened. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for them. My mother was the victim, their father was the murderer. I feel so bad for them. I’ve gotten so many calls and messages from people who are offering to help me in any way I need, who cry on the phone and ask me if this is real. To have to tell people over and over again what happened, really wrecked me. Especially my grandparents. My granddad... I don’t know how he is going to get through this. He just kept screaming No No! Not my (Moms name)! I have to go to the Police today to give a statement. Probably talk about their relationship. I have to be there in 4 1/2 hours and I haven’t really slept yet. I can’t really eat either. I just feel like throwing up, just thinking about food. I wanted to thank all of you for your comments on my first post, I know we don’t know each other, that I’m just some faraway voice on a screen with a terrible fate but I did feel better reading your hugs and encouragements. I will have to think about getting a lawyer. My dad is sleeping in the other room. We’re going to have to figure how to go from here. Some part of me honestly doesn’t see a point anymore, there’s so much pain in my life, I’ve had so many bad experiences, I got through a rape and a drug problem and everything was on its way up. And now this. But I love my mom more than anything and I can’t disappoint her and I’m going to need to be here for my dad and me. I’m sorry for the long text, I just feel like I need to get something out. I feel so lost and empty. I miss my mom. &nbsp; ###[**UPDATE: My stepfather killed my mother and then killed himself. I don't know what to do.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ibmiwf/update_my_stepfather_killed_my_mother_and_then/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ***Submitted by*** u/ThrowRAmotherdead ***on Mon, !7 Aug, 2020*** Hello, I guess in some way I wanted to give you people an update on what has been going on with me. When I posted my first post, I was slightly drunk, it was the night the police showed up at my house and rang the doorbell and I was confused. All of your messages — messages from random strangers — helped me in some way. I’d like to thank whoever sent me that poem by Mary Elizabeth Frye - Do not stand at my grave and weep, we used that for the invitation to her party. And also Bianca who painted that beautiful painting of her which she sent me by email. Thank you. &nbsp; >***The poem by Mary Elizabeth Frye*** > >*Do not stand at my grave and weep,* > >*I am not there; I do not sleep.* > >*I am a thousand winds that blow,* > >*I am the diamond glints on snow,* > >*I am the sun on ripened grain,* > >*I am the gentle autumn rain.* > >*When you awaken in the morning's hush* > >*I am the swift uplifting rush* > >*Of quiet birds in circled flight.* > >*I am the soft stars that shine at night.* > >*Do not stand at my grave and cry,* > >*I am not there; I did not die.* &nbsp; Also, fair warning, this might be quite a long post, this might trigger someone and I’ve been writing this post over several days as more information keeps trickling in and the picture of that night is becoming clearer and clearer. I think I'm also mainly writing this for myself. What happened that night (the 23rd of July) is just still so surreal. I'm sitting at my mothers desk right now, in her little office in our apartment that I grew up in, in Berlin. Her presence in some way is all around me. It has been 23 days since the police showed up in front of my door at 3 in the morning and asked if they could come in. Since my stepfather hung himself. Everything has been so confusing It's all sort of a mixture between crying, screaming, yelling, throwing things, and just emptiness. I go through phases (someone linked that famous post about grief and god it's so accurate) and it's really hard to cope. Since that night I haven't ever actually been alone. This is somewhat exhausting to me in some ways but probably also very important. I’m going to go through the series of events and facts because I also want to set it right, since in the media (since some of you found the articles online and connected the dots) there is so much false information, it’s hard to believe. My Mother and my stepfather were together for 8 years and he has only been living in Berlin since then. He has children from his previous marriage, that is all I will say. I am my mothers only daughter. He did not call me and confess to what he did (as many report) but he called some vaguely mutual friend who he walks his dog with sometimes. This was some time after 11 PM. At this point he was already up at the summer house. It takes about 1 hour and 45 minutes to get up there. This means my mother had been dead for about 2 hours (it says so in the police report as well). The summer house did not belong to my stepdad, but to my mom. She poured all of the little money she had and renovated it by hand. It does not in any way belong to him. The police showed up at my moms and my apartment late at night, they didn’t know the address of where he might have gone and were also worried he might come and harm me since he had the keys to our apartment as well. I was watching a movie with a friend of mine. I posted on reddit a few hours later, the news articles started coming out the next day, connecting my stepfather to a celebrity. I posted because I needed help. This celebrity and my stepfather are by no means "friends.“ They are acquaintances and there is no reason for him to be brought into any of this. That was Wednesday night/Thursday morning. On Friday I was at the LKA (criminal police) and gave a 3 hour statement about them and their relationship. ***(This next part is about my feelings and mainly about my mom, feel free to skip it)*** Since then my whole world has been turned upside down. My mother, the person I honestly loved most in the whole world was just torn from me. It feels like I have this big bleeding hole inside of me. I’m not crying all the time, sometimes I feel ok, but more like empty. My mother has been with me my whole life, the whole 21 years and I’m not just saying this because she is dead, she is honestly the best mother you could wish for. She is goofy and caring, her laugh is infectious, she has such integrity. She is the most animated person, when she tells a story she will get up from the table and gesture all around. Her eyes are so shining. I think I might show some pictures of her, because I want people to recognise her beauty. I want the whole world to know she is gone. Because this is an honest and devastating loss to the world, believe me. She is so talented. She got her bachelor in Art History in America, she has worked odd jobs all her life. She’s always been a hippie. When I was little she started working at this English-language summer camp in Thüringen in Germany and she used to take me there for many weeks with her, on a hill, on a farm in the middle of a giant forest. She’s a magician in the kitchen, she can open the fridge door and magically make something out of leftover ingredients that nobody would ever think tastes good (noodles and carrots anyone?). She likes to make everything herself. She would let milk go bad and make her own ricotta, I have a thousand jars of her homemade chutneys and jams. She baked her own bread years before the pandemic. She made her own vinegar, her own syrups and alcohol and her hot sauces are legendary. I used to come home and open the fridge door and I’d ask her which of the many bowls she had covered with little plates were edible, and which weren’t ready yet. Since she’s dead I have found so many started experiments of things I don’t even know what they are. I wish I could ask her. There are so many things I wish I had the time to ask her. Writing this is making me cry again. At the beginning of the pandemic, March I believe, I moved back in with her and she ordered 14 different bottles of white wine on Lidl and every night we’d drink one together while we cooked and I’d write notes on the color and the taste and we’d give it a 1-10 on the Lidl scale. She’s one of the funniest people I know. And she is so forgiving. Even when I was younger we would get into huge blow up fights sometimes and we’d scream. But five minutes afterwards she’d come into my room and she’d apologise and tell me she loved me more than anything in the world. We told each other we loved one another all the time, sometimes just randomly and hug each other. I’m so so grateful for this. I would say we had a rare mother-daughter bond. I love her with all my heart, she has always been my idol, my role-model. If I’m even half the person she is, as generous, hilarious, creative, emotional, forgiving and understanding, I will be lucky. I see her face in front of me all the time. I can hear her laugh. Fuck, I’d really give anything for her to be with me right now. Anything. It really tears me apart. If it weren’t for her, I would have probably been dead 1 1/2 years ago. She pulled me out of my dark holes, she loved me unconditionally. She isn’t just my mother, she is my best friend. And I will never ever forgive him for taking her from me. Especially since more and more facts are coming out. ***(End of emotional bit)*** It’s important to preface that I knew their relationship, or to be more exact, I was the closest to both of them together. And it’s important to understand that he wasn’t some creepy, abusive, scary bad guy. I loved him. He was like a best friend to me. When he came into my mothers and my life, I took him in with open arms. I’ve confided in him, I’ve told him secrets, we’ve had running jokes. We made bets with each other that I usually won and he had to pay up. He was my family. This makes me feel just as conned. I feel cheated. I feel like I’ve been blind. I’ve had bad fights with him as well and I knew about their fights but I didn’t see this coming, not even a little bit. I would never put my mother in harms way. I guess this is why she must have kept things hidden from me. The murder happened in his apartment (they had separate apartments) and afterwards he drove his car up to my mothers country house that they both spent every weekend at. Hunting mushrooms, planting and building things, going swimming in the lake that's right in front of the door. This was their refuge and I’m assuming this is the reason he went there. Since the day this has happened I’ve always assumed he blew up about something, lost control and he killed my mother while he wasn’t clear headed. This is what made sense to me. That he killed himself because he killed my mother. Because he didn’t know how to continue. But the more time goes by and the more facts we uncover (we being my mothers friends and I, not the police), the more it seems it was the opposite. That he killed my mother because he wanted to kill himself. And that he was covering something up. Since the night the police showed up, they’ve been asking me if I could know where their laptops are, they both had a laptop. And both are missing. They found the empty cases, but they’re gone. This sparked suspicion in us. His phone is gone as well, my mothers is not, the police gave it to me. Then there are the other facts. (TRIGGER WARNING) Despite what it said in the media, she didn’t have multiple stab wounds in her chest. There was only one very precise and very small wound that caused her death. He only let someone know what he did after he was up at the house. When he arrived at the cabin, he apparently parked normally, even greeted one of the neighbours. The pieces are falling into place. That this was cold blooded. I don’t really know why I’m writing all this down in a word document and why I’m going to post it on reddit, but I need to share. I feel so much hatred and so much anger. I feel it boiling underneath my skin and it keeps threatening to come out. I’ve smashed so much stuff, I’ve gotten so angry. Sometimes I snap and I scream at people and other times I just cry and beat my pillows. And sometimes I’m very calm. I can still feel joy. And my mother has this amazing circle of friends that I’ve known my whole life and who are supporting me. I saw her body in the coffin and I will never be able to get that image out of my head. She was so tiny, it breaks my heart. I’ve also slept two nights at the cabin and in the dark every shadow looked like my stepfather. I’ve become scared and started locking my doors at night. Murder used to seem something so far off, something that happened to other people, in a different world, separate from mine. But now it’s not. And I won’t let him spoil her place, her house. I won’t let him take that away from her and from me. I refuse. I just miss her. I miss everything about her. It hasn’t been that long yet and all I want is for her to hug me and say my name and say she loves me and that she thinks I’m an amazing young woman. I want her to cuddle with me in bed which she did for so many years until I felt myself too old. I want to sit at the kitchen table in the morning with her and have her ask me what I dreamt about last night and have both of us talk about our dreams. For her to talk with me about my story ideas and my poetry and to talk with her about the book that she was writing and will never finish. It just hurts so much, I don’t know how to ever get past this. She has always been the most amazing person I know and I can’t get over this. I don’t know how to get over this. I feel lost. I feel like I have to grow up very fast now and carry her with me. There's so much more to tell. So much. But I should probably stop somewhere. I would appreciate all advice. Thank you for reading. ####EDIT [image link](https://imgur.com/gallery/lkjz7Wd) [*There are three images: The first is a framed black-and-white photograph of OOP and her mom taken on the day OOP was born. The second shows OOP's mom carrying a young OOP on her back. The final image is a solo photograph of OOP's mother.*] &nbsp; ###[**OOP added in this thread**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/169w065/my_stepfather_killed_my_mother_and_then_killed/jz8tb46/) Hey everyone, Imagine my surprise scrolling through Reddit on my living room couch this fine afternoon, when I see a little picture of my mom and me in my feed. Was not expecting that at all. And then to look further down and see all of these wonderful and heartfelt comments underneath, I couldn’t believe it and I actually started crying again. This is the reason I reached out back then into the void (as I called it), at my darkest time and Reddit reached back and gave me something to hold on to. When you lose your faith in humanity in that way, I needed the love that came from so many strangers all over and the support. Yesterday was actually my birthday, I just turned 25 so it has been a bit over three years and I can’t believe that three years have passed. I can’t stand to believe that much time has passed without her. Thinking about it makes it hurt more. I miss her so much. Thank you to everyone for worrying about me and wishing me well. I’ll give a quick update and one of these days maybe sit down and write something more out. I’ve been in therapy for almost two years now and I have a wonderful therapist that helps me greatly. It took me a while to find her and there was a lot of trial and error with former therapists but she’s amazing and I’m so happy I have her. She actually says that I have improved greatly (in a number of things, I’m a mess) though my mothers murder is something that I’ve buried very deep down below in the darkness of my psyche and we haven’t quite reached it yet. My therapist says it’s important not to force everything out at once but to go step by step. She says that I’m protecting myself by keeping it numb. I think I agree. I do feel a particular kind of numbness ever since that happened. A few times during a session we cracked through that wall and what spilled out was… well horrifying pain. So I’m fixing everything else that needs fixing, slowly and steadily and it’s going very well! I feel like I owe this to my mother, since I seem to have a tendency to get myself into toxic relationships as well and I am not ready to go down that path any longer. Hence, myself taking a break from relationships (I think a comment mentioned that I said that in my podcast). Shortly after my mothers murder I got two cats, since my mom and I had cats growing up and she loved them so. One of them looks exactly like the reincarnation of our cat Noss, which I know she’d love. I still live at home and I live in her room now, with all of the hundreds of books she collected and my own collection of novels I’ve added. My father and I held onto each other tightly throughout these last few years. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without him, he’s my rock. My father threw himself into working on the cabin. I think he loves being out in nature but I think mostly he also loves feeling like he can do something for my mom. Every time he drives up he brings flowers and we have a little picture of her leaning against a tree with a candle in front of it and he puts them there. I also know my mom would be positively thrilled with seeing everything we’ve done. I really feel her up there and have completely eradicated my stepfather from that place. It started out with stubbornness but by now I just really believe there’s nothing at the house of him and if there was it can go and fuck right off. I’ll post some pictures with a link later. I’m very lucky because I have some absolutely lovely friends. Especially in the past few months I’ve recognized just how amazing they are and how much support I have coming from there. Sunday evening I planned to celebrate my birthday in a park in Berlin and I was so touched by how many people showed up (I teared up multiple times throughout the night). We spent a lovely night drinking and playing Cards against Humanity and Werewolf (Germans will know what I’m talking about). My closest friends (J,E,T) helped me so much with setting up, T baked me a cake exactly like my mother used to make me (after very slyly getting me to talk about it a few weeks earlier). A lot of bad things have happened in the last few years, I won’t lie. But also many good things and I continue to fight on. If you guys are interested I can give an in depth report also on what else we found out back then but I should probably get up off of this couch and go enjoy the last Berlin sun rays. This also got way longer than I expected. Thank you all for your lovely comments and well wishes ♥️ &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

My stepfather killed my mother and then killed himself. I don't know what to do.

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/169w065/my_stepfather_killed_my_mother_and_then_killed/

169ykxv

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/ThrowRAdownsizing **in** r/AITAH trigger warnings: >!debt issues, financial mismanagment, mental health issues, verbal abuse!< mood spoilers: >!positive overall!<   [**AITAH for telling my fiancé that if he expects me to contribute 50/50, we have to make some serious lifestyle changes?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15x4g62/aitah_for_telling_my_fianc%C3%A9_that_if_he_expects_me/) **- 21st August 2023** **Post was deleted by the mods, but preserved on the user's account** [**here**](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRAdownsizing/comments/1629iia/aitah_for_telling_my_fianc%C3%A9_that_if_he_expects_me/) My (26F) fiancé (26M) sat me down yesterday and gave me a long talk about how he feels like I don't contribute enough to the household, particularly in the financial sense. I was a bit caught off guard by this, but was willing to hear him out, since he wasn't wrong. He makes a lot more than I do, and we've always split bills accordingly, which ends up being about 80% him. I asked what he wanted me to pay now, and he was adamant about it being 50/50. I asked if everything was okay with his job, or if he needed to take fewer hours, and he wouldn't answer me. I honestly wouldn't have gotten upset if there seemed like an actual reason behind it, but he just said he'd been thinking about it a lot, over and over, every time I asked what brought him to this conclusion, what was going on, and eventually he just said "this is how it's going to be, take it or leave it." Those exact words, in response to literally everything I said. Full shutdown. No explanations. I told him that was fine I'll take it, and then asked if he'd made a zillow account yet, or expected me to. He looked confused, and asked why we would need a zillow account. I explained that there's no way I can afford half rent on our current place, so we'll probably have to move into a one-bedroom apartment. He got mad and asked why I didn't have savings. I told him that I do, but I'm not paying rent out of my savings, because that's a terrible and unsustainable idea. I also began to go over what our new food budget would be, our new entertainment budget, and that we'd probably have to sell the cars and get one less expensive one because I can't afford half of the payments on an Audi and a Land Rover. Then I explained that date nights would probably have to be reduced too, and we could still do, like Buffalo Wild Wings or something, but I preferred Thursday nights because you get two orders of boneless wings for one. Basically, if he wants me to pay half, we're living within my means, not his anymore. He kind of agreed to it, but since then, he's been incredibly angry. He's not saying or doing anything, but it's like he's walking around the house in this cloud of pissed-off. I sent him six zillow listings, all of which he's called uninhabitable for various reasons, some of which I think were valid, others I disagree with. He's now saying that I'm being unfair and manipulative, and that he tried to come to me with a serious concern about our relationship and I'm making it impossible for him to talk to me, and bulldozing over him. AITA?   **Comments** *Can I ask what your salary and his salary are? Like general numbers? A charitable take on his actions could be that he resents not having more money, and is trying to "inspire" you to try to up your salary or change into a more lucrative promotion/career so you can both be living the high life. He might be imaging how great it would be to have 200% of his income, instead of 120%. If that's the case, he's still going about it a shite and douchey way. Personally, I agree with many other comments re: someone has insinuated that you're a gold digger, and he was expecting you to break up with him, not problem-solve.* >I make around 35K a year. He makes around 120K a year. > >It's not like there's some magical "be rich suddenly" button I can press. I'm a preschool teacher, and I don't have a college degree, and I certainly can't afford a college degree at this point without asking for help or taking out insane loans. &#x200B; *NTA. To me, it sounds like something happened with his job and he's not able to tell you yet, for whatever reasons. I would try to have another calm chat about it with him, also showing him how much you'd be able to afford long term. Don't move forward with your plans of getting married until you both agree on your finances.* >I asked about the job, and he wouldn't give me a straight answer. The frustrating part is that I honestly do not mind downsizing, and if I found out tomorrow he lost a job, I'd literally be fine selling what we have and living in a trailer together off just my income, but this feels like some weird power play instead. &#x200B; *I get a feeling that his aim was to try and make you more ambitious, you need to equal him in ability to pay the bills, so you need to either get a promotion or a new job paying the same as him... So NTA, but your partner is a prick for not thinking things through and trying to strong arm you into doing something without discussing it first* >I don't know how I'd go about doing that, all things considered. It's not like there's some magical "be rich suddenly" button I can press. I'm a preschool teacher, and I don't have a college degree, and I certainly can't afford a college degree at this point without asking for help or taking out insane loans. &#x200B; *if you can barely afford your basic living expenses why the hell are you driving an audi (or range)? this is a classic example of lifestyle creep. if you barely make enough to contribute to rent, driving a luxury car is shameful. you’re NTA, you’re just a spoiled and unrealistic person* >He gave me the audi as a birthday present. It was not something I was aware of until it was in the driveway with a big pink bow and confetti. Literally like a car commercial. He's always had a bit of a flair for the dramatic. &#x200B; *NTA. What podcasts does he listen to?* >I don't know in detail. Joe Rogan I'm pretty sure, and "Cumtown," and I think a guy called Sam Hyde. They're apparently funny. I don't super get that kind of humor. **Red flag** **Judgement - NTA** &#x200B; **[UPDATE - AITAH for telling my fiancé that if he expects me to contribute 50/50, we have to make some serious lifestyle changes?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/161j2fk/update_aitah_for_telling_my_fianc%C3%A9_that_if_he/) - 26th August 2023** Hi everyone! This got way bigger than intended, so I figured a follow-up was owed. So, last time I posted was Monday. Monday as a whole was spent just sorting through what I felt, and what to do next. There was a lot of silence and a lot of anger, and a LOT of reddit advice, some of which I found very insightful, some of which was less so. Also some people think I made this up as part of a viral marketing sponsorship between buffalo wild wings, audi, and zillow, which honestly would solve the money problems if true, but alas, is not the case. On Tuesday, after I got home from work, I sort of just walked up to him on the elliptical and explained as calmly as I could that I had questions, and if he actually wanted to marry me, he needed to be willing to answer them. I asked if he thought I was a gold digger, yes or no. He said yes. I told him that I wasn't willing to be in a relationship where I have to prove myself by sacrificing any sort of stability, and that led to a bit of a screaming match, and eventually, a confession. So it turns out we cannot afford anything we have right now. We are in serious credit card debt, the cars are both on the verge of being repossessed, and I did not know about any of this. He's been cutting corners on actual necessities, including psychiatric medication. That in combination with some comments from his family led him to some pretty dark places. My fiancé had a full breakdown and apologized for calling me a gold digger, which was nice to hear, but this whole thing had me pretty shaken up. I went to stay with a friend for a little bit. Yesterday, my fiancé and I did in fact go out to BWW and get the two for one boneless. We talked, a lot. I'm still writing fiancé for now, and I really hope we can work through all of this. We talked about how to sell the cars-- we don't particularly have a choice at this point-- and about my income, his income, and the sort of life we want to have. If we do stay together, we'll be changing how we live a lot. We need to get out of debt, we need to get on our feet. I know some people are gonna say I'm being dumb for not immediately dropping all contact and giving up on the relationship, but I can't do that. I can't look at the guy I love, who went off his meds to try and make a good life for me, and think he's not worth sticking around for, at least to try. I don't know what the future looks like at all anymore though, and the wedding is very postponed at the moment. Sorry this wasn't a more fun update.   **Comments** *OP, has he come clean to you about what got you guys so deep in the hole? For it to get to the brink it did, lifts more red flags in the air. He could be coping with an addiction problem, or something else that could destroy your life. You have got to figure this out ASAP. Please don't make any wedding plans; this is not the man you wanted to marry.* >He has. It's not gambling or drugs, like a lot of people are saying. It's an addiction to nice things. He's got a lot of financial hangups, and comes from a family that replaced love with money, so he got it in his head that the only way to show love was to provide a very fancy sort of lifestyle, which was way over budget for us. It's going to be a hard pill to swallow, cutting back on everything, but it's what has to happen. &#x200B; >I didn't write everything out in this post, but we did go over how the debt got this bad, and I'm currently aware of pretty much everything. There are some accounts I still need to look at this weekend, but for the most part it's all above board at this point. We're definitely looking at the relationship, and I'm going to be taking a much more active role in life planning if we do continue. &#x200B; >The wedding is on pause for an unknown amount of time. I'm already looking into places I can afford, and will probably end up renting a trailer. And no, I'm not lying for him. I told him point blank that hiding this stuff is what got us into this mess, and he's not going to be able to keep it under wraps if he wants to stay with me. We need to be up front about our financial situation, whether he's embarrassed or not. >I think that with some hard work, we'll both end up in a better position. We need to get out of debt, and I'm taking the reins for a bit since he's never lived frugally before, but if all goes well, we'll get through this. &#x200B; >I don't plan to leave if he sticks to what we're talking about and actually takes steps forward. I love this man, and I'll fight for what we have. If he won't fix things, won't listen, and continues to disrespect me, I'm gone, but I genuinely believe we will get through this. I know he can do better, and I believe he wants to. Now he has to prove it. &#x200B; *Don't gloss over the comments from family. If you marry him, you're marrying them too. If they're generally toxic to his mental health, you need to talk about whether NC is necessary. If not, he has some serious repair work to do to fix the impression they have of you. Or has to take on the job of shielding you from their bs.* >His family don't like me for a number of reasons. They don't like that I don't have a college degree, they don't like that I grew up low-income or went to public school, and they don't approve at all of the fact that I'm religious. His mother in particular has called me a hick, a redneck, and several other things I won't put down here. Up until this point, though, he's been pretty good about defending me. &#x200B; **Most important question** *I’m glad that you were able to get the $8.99 two for one boneless with half Lemon Pepper and half Habanero Jerk Sauce, and start to work this stuff out.* >Actually it was the $19.49 two for one boneless with half wild sauce (for me) and half orange chicken (for him) but it did help. *Still this is an Ad for Buffalo Wild Wings* >Now if only they'd pay me for the promotion, the problem would be solved! &#x200B; **Flaired as ongoing as there is a lot of work ahead**  **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITAH for telling my fiancé that if he expects me to contribute 50/50, we have to make some serious lifestyle changes?

ONGOING

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/169ykxv/aitah_for_telling_my_fiancé_that_if_he_expects_me/

16abeh7

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/SirDackADoo **in** r/jobs \----- **ORIGINAL:** [I have slipped through the cracks at my company and have not done anything for the past month](https://www.reddit.com/r/jobs/comments/3dfnuq/i_have_slipped_through_the_cracks_at_my_company/) \- July 15, 2015 As the title implies I have been going into work for the past month, sitting at my desk and surfing the web (mostly reddit) or playing computer games silently, and then going home. Some backstory, I used to work in a department that was quite autonomous within the company and was actually created by my boss who was an associate VP in the company. I was hired directly (circumventing the usual HR procedures) by my boss as an executive assistant because he was a family friend. It was a pretty decent paying job for a recent grad and I was kept moderately busy answering calls, scheduling, preparing presentations/reports, etc. However, my boss was fired last month and the department was shutdown (my company leases office buildings and my boss wanted to start leasing industrial properties as well and failed) so all the coworkers in my department were either let go or reassigned. The problem is that when HR was going through this process and interviewing my coworkers, I was never called to meet with them (probably due to the way I was hired). While my department was being dismantled I kept coming into the office and going to my original desk. The peculiar thing is that when new employees were being moved into my department's area of the building no one was assigned to the executive's office so therefore no one was assigned to the executive assistant desk. The new employees that moved in were mostly overflow from different departments so no one really works together or has the same manager. It's been a month and no one has really questioned what I do or what department I'm a part of (I can easily deflect any work related small talk), and I'm still getting paid. I'm pretty certain if I bring attention to my situation I will be immediately fired because I was the specially hired executive assistant to a VP who lost the company a fair bit of money. I have been looking for alternative jobs but all the jobs that I'm qualified for don't pay nearly as much as what I currently make. Also, I would have to actually do work if I got a new job. The only reason I still come into work is that I don't want to throw up any red flags because each employee is recorded entering and leaving the building by scanning their badge. I'm thinking about riding this gravy train as long as I can before I eventually get found out and fired. Any comments or suggestions are welcome. \----- **FIRST UPDATE:** [UPDATE: I have slipped through the cracks at my company and have not done anything for the past month](https://www.reddit.com/r/jobs/comments/3g15f6/update_i_have_slipped_through_the_cracks_at_my/)) - August 6, 2015 Thank you to everyone who commented on my previous post, your comments gave me some more motivation to look for another job before I inevitably get discovered and fired. That being said, I have not been able find another real job as of yet but I have gone for several interviews so that's promising. Anyways on to the good bit. Its been almost 3 weeks since my last post and I have still gone completely unnoticed by everyone which is simultaneously a relief and really depressing. It's the lack responsibility and purpose that's becoming increasingly maddening. Similar to u/notdoingshit, I have discovered that not doing anything all day is worse than actually doing some work. Playing video games and surfing the web all day don't make the days go by faster anymore. Therefore, in the past week I have started working under the table for my aunt when I'm in the office instead of sitting there and doing nothing. I know this is a very ethically dubious thing to do but the money's good and it's helping me pay off my debts. Some background, my aunt runs a small specialty store by herself and receives a lot of email inquiries that she can barely keep up with. She knew about my situation and asked me to help her respond to these emails. Basically all her emails are forwarded to a gmail account I setup and I spend probably 3-4 hours everyday responding to inquiries and forwarding relevant ones to my aunt. Doing this is helping me to stay sane as well as padding my wallet ($400 a week). I have asked her and she can't afford to pay me full time and I can't afford to work part time, so I can't leave my job unless I find another decent full time job, which I'm still looking for. I know that I will most likely be discovered at the end September during the quarterly review, but if I have to I'm gonna hold on to the very end. I just wanted to share how I have descended deeper into the rabbit hole. I will welcome any comments or suggestions that you guys have about my situation. \----- **SECOND UPDATE:** [UPDATE 2: I have slipped through the cracks at my company and have not done anything for the past month](https://www.reddit.com/r/jobs/comments/3is4it/update_2_i_have_slipped_through_the_cracks_at_my/) \- August 28, 2015 Things have been pretty quiet at my work for the past 3 weeks. I still come into work everyday, spend the mornings answering my aunt's emails and my afternoons looking for other jobs and aimlessly surfing the web. However, I may be facing a huge problem this Friday. There is a mandatory picnic/corporate team building thing this Friday that involves each employee being separated into departmental teams, which is problematic because the department that I was previously a part of no longer exists. It's the most important event of the year for our company and attendance is absolutely mandatory. Of course you can miss it if you're sick or have a personal matter, but due to a fair number of people calling in sick at last year's event all employee absences will be reviewed and verified by HR, and they will conduct in-person interviews if necessary. I cannot attract even the smallest amount of attention from HR without risking being discovered as a corporate leech so I don't think calling in sick is an option. However, I can't participate in the team building exercises without it being discovered that I'm not currently assigned to any department and I'm in a state of perpetually paid limbo. The best idea that I've come up with so far is to come the picnic with crutches and pretend that I've sprained my ankle or something, so I can fulfill the attendance requirement and just watch the team building exercises and not take part of them (based on the itinerary most of the events are active and involve being on your feet), but then again doing this will attract attention to myself which is a very bad thing when management and HR are around. I welcome any suggestions on the best way to get out of this predicament. \----- **THIRD UPDATE**: [UPDATE 3: I have slipped through the cracks at my company and have not done anything for the past month](https://www.reddit.com/r/jobs/comments/3jjs1n/update_3_i_have_slipped_through_the_cracks_at_my/)) - September 3, 2015 Sorry for the delay in my update I've actually been going for interviews (two interviews so far) this week at an unnamed multinational insurance company, so I've been busy preparing and generally stressing out. Anyways, on to the events of last Friday's company picnic. I did think about not showing up like many of you suggested but I was sure there was an attendance sheet so I thought of another way to go about things. I arrived at the picnic about 15 mins early when everyone was still busy setting up things, found the attendance sheet (or rather booklet) at the sign in table which was thankfully unattended, and discretely rifled through it until I found my name and signed next to it. I then shuffled away to the parking lot, and drove home to spend the rest of the day drinking beer and watching an ungodly number of Narcos episodes. The interesting thing is that when I found my name on the attendance sheet I saw that I was listed as belonging to my former, now defunct, department. If the names had been sorted by department it would have raised some red flags but thankfully they were sorted alphabetically so all the departments were jumbled together and I was lost in fray. I'm just one misplaced entry in some spreadsheet or database that someone like me has been too lazy to double-check. Hopefully I get called back for the third and final interview for the insurance company so I can finally leave this job. \----- **FINAL UPDATE:** [UPDATE 4: I have slipped through the cracks at my company and have not done anything for the past month](https://www.reddit.com/r/jobs/comments/3skia2/update_4_i_have_slipped_through_the_cracks_at_my/) \- November 12, 2015 I apologize for the two month delay after my last post but there have been some very big developments in my employment/living situation and I've been very busy (also I forgot). I was eventually able to find another job for which I had to relocate to another city (not a big deal it's only an hour from where I originally lived). Anyways onto the good stuff. About two weeks after my previous post, I interviewed for my current job and was offered a position so I had to find a way to quit without drawing any attention to myself. I waited all week until Friday at 3pm, which is when all the pay cheques are sent out, and then I waited another hour and a half before I went to HR to submit my resignation. As I expected the HR person I was directed to speak to about ending my employment was barely functioning (it was 4:30 on a Friday). She barely acknowledged me and just gave me a form to fill out and told me she would enter all the information into the system on Monday morning and then follow up with me. After that I walked out of the building and decided to treat myself to some ice cream before I went home to finish packing up my things for my move the next day. I did receive a call from the HR lady Monday morning and she asked why I was listed as being a part of a defunct department and who my supervisor was. I kinda panicked and told her I didn't know what she was talking about and that all of my information should be in the system before telling her I had to go and hanging up. I guess that worked because I have not received any other calls or emails from that company for the last two months. This is will probably be my last post about the situation I was in unless something similar happens to me at my new job which I hope doesn't happen. Thanks for reading and commenting on all my posts. \----- **Reminder - I am not the original poster**

I have slipped through the cracks at my company and have not done anything for the past month

CONCLUDED

westcoastcdn19

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16abeh7/i_have_slipped_through_the_cracks_at_my_company/

16ado4j

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/shellygotsugar](https://www.reddit.com/user/shellygotsugar/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Mood Spoiler:** >!Oop gets some perspective, but overall it's sad!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/164ch7c/aita_for_telling_my_mom_im_not_paying_for_her/)**: August 29, 2023** Soon after graduation and before I (32) even started my current job my mom (57) asked me to help with elective cosmetic surgery’s. I told her I can pay up to 3k but that’s about it. The issue is she helped put me through school sending me some of her govt assistance etc. which was extremely helpful to a broke college adult. Yet, accepting her assistance gave me soooooo much anxiety, because when I would say “thank you I truly appreciate the help” her reply 100% of the time was always “don’t worry I’ll get a return on my investment” . Even typing that reply gives me serious anxiety I can’t explain it. So now she’s seeking her return. She wants about 10k worth of a new body! Im the only successful kid of 8 siblings and I’m in the middle. Literally all my siblings are broke and have some sort of addiction. I didn’t create the body she has alone, me and my 7 other siblings did! She’s been gaslighting me like crazy “you promised you would pay for everything, you promised me that it wouldn’t be an issue etc” and honestly I almost believed it until I reminded her there’s no way I can say that when I know my savings is at zero dollars and zero cents! I’m starting over from scratch! 401k, savings, investing, etc Im light years behind where I want to be if I want to retire comfortably. She’s throwing in my face how I have enough money to travel (I’m doing very cheap budget weekend traveling once a month, I’m talking megabus, grey hounds, motel stays, etc ) but not enough help my own mother with something “I promised her” . TLDR: AITA for wanting to give my mom 3k instead of 10k for elective surgical procedures? Also, is it even called a mommy make over when your youngest is 22? ***Relevant Comments:*** *Clarifying:* "To clear some things up: 1. She didn’t put me through school she gave me food stamps every other month 2. I see a lot of “it’s a parents job ..” the thing is I’m grown so like she absolutely didn’t have to that’s why I agreed to the 3k. She definitely didn’t send me 3k worth of groceries 3. It’s making me feel nauseous typing this because she’s spreading the word to my siblings about how my profession makes soooo much money and of course they are asking for money (and I’m stupidly giving) .. as my older siblings frequently state “I’ve basically raised you” which is true my mom threw me and the younger siblings on the older siblings and then when they moved out it was my younger siblings on me to raise. 4. I asked for a compromise that if she waits a couple years so I can be stable then I should have the 10k but she doesn’t want to have a make over in her 60’s 5. I’m a sucker I know .. but I am thinking about how myself as a woman has insecurities and if my mom has them then sure I’ll help. It’s just the entitlement that’s causing me to say no. But it makes me feel really shitty" ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update (Same Post): August 30, 2023 (Next Day)** Last Update: Wooooow you guys are on it! So I read every last message! Even if I didn’t reply. And now that I’m thinking about it .. you guys are right! And here’s what you’re right about. When I was about 10 or so in school during Mother’s Day week we made cards .. I gave my mom a hand made card, when she opened it she looked me straight in the eyes and said “the next time you give me a card please have money in it, atleast a dollar” and I remember saying something along the lines of I don’t have any money or like I don’t have a job and she said “well until you get a job I don’t need anymore cards” and since then I have neverrrrrrr given someone an empty card. So yea y’all were spot on my relationship with my mom is transactional. It’s basically “conditional” love I get from her. And the condition is the more money she gets from me the more she’ll love on me. Since my first job at 16 I’d give her all money and she’d allow me to keep a set amount. Never seeing a cent of my dads child support either. And tbh as a woman far from her friends and family not being able to talk to my own mother would just be too hard. I’m trying to figure out now if I want to keep buying her love or go LC/NC (like some of you suggested) .. and tbh I can’t “afford” (mentally) to not have her in my corner even if I know I’m paying her. The heavy feeling of this realization is ALOT! While I don’t like the feeling I have now until I get “sick and tired of being sick and tired” I’m sadly willing to pay her until I’ve had enough. I’m only scared that with this stupid brain and now broken heart she could rinse me dry. I saw someone say put a savings for health issues etc.. I’ll do a separate account for her and throw &50-$100 in increments but it won’t be for her health issues.. it’ll be because im a daughter yearning for her mothers love and is willing to pay for it .. for now atleast. Thank you all sooooo much! And yes I’ve gone to therapy and no surprise she echoed a lot of what you guys said. And now idk if I can go back as this is a truth I don’t want to dwell on too much because it’s sad af! … A daughter paying for her mother ls love. It is what it is .. thank you all again!

AITA for telling my mom I’m not paying for her full mommy make over?

INCONCLUSIVE

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16ado4j/aita_for_telling_my_mom_im_not_paying_for_her/

16adoif

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Mindless-Charge-5996](https://www.reddit.com/user/Mindless-Charge-5996/). She posted in r/AITAH. This was the top trending post on AITAH for awhile. Unsure of why it was removed. Thanks to the lovely [**Direct-Caterpillar77**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Direct-Caterpillar77/) who sent me this story and found the screenshots and text of the first update. **Trigger Warning:** >!emotional/verbal abuse; possible infidelity!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!frustrating, sad and overall ugh!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15fvhbg/comment/jy3p3ul/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2)**: August 28, 2023 (Removed on AITA, recovered on Am I the Angel)** I F27 and my husband M29 have been together for 3 years. In those 3 years I have never have known him to be selfish, occasionally immature yes, but even that was rare. These problems arose when those stupid cake smashing videos got popular and my husband thought they were hilarious. I've never thought they were funny and he knows that, yet he was always showing me the videos of those poor wives getting the happiest day of their life ruined by their asshole partner for some cheap laughs. He also knows I have a history with cake smashing. My family does the cake smashing thing. I remember it was my 17th birthday and I pleaded with my mom to not do it. She promised and I trusted her. I had my hair and makeup done up all nice and right as I blew out my candles my mom pushed my head into the cake and one of the decorations on the cake ended up slicing my forehead. Not enough to go to the hospital but enough for some substantial bleeding. My birthday was ruined and after I wouldn't come out my room. My mom still calls me a brat for that. I told him if he ever did something like that to me I'd leave him. He started laughing but I was being for real. Though he really was not taking me seriously. Now skip to a few days ago when my wedding happened. Everything was perfect, I was happy, he was happy. I was excited for our new lives as newlyweds. I felt like a princess in my poofy white dress and done up hair with perfect make-up. All very expensive things I would like to mention. We get to the cake cutting part and as I turn to him he scoops up a huge chunk of our wedding cake and smashes it all over my face. Everything just seemed to go in slow motion for a few moments. He's just laughing at me, and then says "you should see your face" and continues to laugh. Other people in the crowd (mostly my family) is also laughing at me. Then I just start walking away, he realizes that I'm leaving and tries to catch up with me and says I'm being extra. I push him away and order an uber. As I got outside most of the crowd is following me telling me to come back. I get into the uber and drive away. I drove to our apartment and packed most of my things and went to stay at a hotel. I currently though am staying at a friend's house. My family and his family has been blowing up my phone for days. Saying I'm being childish and my husband is a good man and it was just a joke. My husband has been calling me off the hook telling me to please come home and that he wants to talk. That he's sorry and didn't think I'd get that "emotional". This was supposed to be the happiest day of our lives and he embarrassed me in front of everyone for some prank that he knew I hated. Not only that, he ruined a 500 dollar cake. He ruined my makeup, my hair and the top of my dress. The cake got all over. Though I still do love him and I'm wondering If I really was to hard on him, that seems to be everyone else's opinion. So AITA? ***Relevant Comments:*** "He apparently didn't plan this and it happened fairly quick so the only person who was recording that I know of was the person I paid to do it. I already messaged him to not give those recordings to anyone...I don't need that type of attention god forbid it got out. Plus everyone was to busy laughing" *Musing on why he would do this:* "I guess maybe he though he could change my mind? That is the only reasoning I can think of because that's the same thing that went through my mind. I don't even know if I will get back together with him, he is acting as if smashing cake in my face was funny and that I was just being "emotional"." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/redditonwiki/comments/163so5e/husband_smashes_cake_on_wifes_face_update/) **(Recovered in screenshots): Sometime the next day on the same post** Update: I decided to speak to him bright and early this morning. I'm leaving him. Some of you might be happy about that and some of you might not be. I decided to call him and get his reasoning for why he did what he did. He told me he just thought it was a funny prank and that if it was at the wedding on a happy day that he could change my mind. Plus since it was a tradition in my family that I wasn't following, he thought that he could get points with my family. Then told me he's sorry that I took it as a disrespect. I told him he shouldn't be saying that "he's sorry that I took it that way". He should be apologizing for hurting me. Where is the "I'm sorry". I told him he hasn't apologized with accountability once. All his "apologies" have been back handed. I also reminded him that I didn't have a good relationship with most of my family nor my mother who he forced me to invite. I told him he knew I was already the black sheep of my family and the verbal abuse and public humiliation I received by my mother for years really messed with me and he knew that. Then he says this. "Why should I have to apologize because you can't take a joke" I blew up, I told him "are you serious, if it was me who hurt you to this degree the first thing I'd do is apologize, while you can't even force yourself to be decent for a few secs and just apologize to me." I also told him that he was trying to get in good with a family who abused me by public humiliating me and that is something that is unforgivable. Marriage means you stick by me, yet you showed you obviously do not. It's not about you ruining my dress or my hair or even the cake, it's about how you KNEW how I felt about this and the trauma I had connected and you didn't care. He then tried doubling down and saying it wasn't his fault for not apologizing because my family was telling him how dramatic I was and how I was hurting them by leaving the wedding for a joke. He said he loves me and he doesn't want to break up over this nonsense and that I should just come home. I told him I wasn't coming home and it wasn't even about the cake anymore, it's because I cannot be with a man who won't apologize when he's wrong and who gaslights their significant other into receiving the blame. He started cursing me out at this point but after about a minute of hearing him scream at me I hung up. I guess he started telling my family because within a half an hour my phone was blowing up again. The worst ones had to be from my mother and his sister. My mother was telling me I am going to end up alone because I can't take jokes and I'll never be able to keep a man with my attitude. Even saying that my clock is running out fast and when it did no one will want me and I'll be alone. His sister was telling me that I'm a disgusting b-word for hurting his brother and wasting his time. That she wishes that he would have broken up with me 2 years ago when he first wanted to. So ig now I know he wanted to break up with me. What I also know is that he was cheating on me for 6 months with his ex who wanted him back but then she dropped him because he stayed with me. The thing is, I had a good relationship with his sister and she knew he was cheating on me??? I guess she put everything out on the table since I was leaving anyway. I blocked most of my family and I blocked all of his family. I also blocked him and I'm getting the annulment. My friend said I could stay with her for a few months till I get back on my feet. I told her I really appreciate it. So yeah that's the end, I'm crying while typing this. I wasted 3 years on a man who never really cared about me. I've lost what little relationship I had with my family and now I only have the few friends I have been blessed with. I'm going to have to pick up the rest of my stuff. I also told him before I blocked him, if he broke anything of mine I would bring it to court. Thank you for all the kind words and encouragement. I'm gonna go to sleep now since I haven't done so in 24 hours. **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1653ixa/my_husband_smashed_cake_into_my_face_on_our/) **2: August 29, 2023 (next day)** So my last post got taken down and I've gotten a lot of messages. I just wanted to update you all about a few things I haven't gotten my stuff from my ex yet, I just haven't had the energy to because I'm still extremely upset...obviously. From the videos online to the comments I received on my original post to ALSO the comments I looked at on repost of my post. It kind of made me think that there probably was a lot of red flags and I was just used to being abused so the bare minimum was enough for me. After speaking about it with my friend she said that he definitely had a lot of red flags and she even told me I should stay far away from dating until I get some help because I was obviously not seeing the red flags right in front of me. I'm not going to go into it but sometimes I'd have to cook 2nd dinners for my ex because he didn't like everything I made. His mom apparently didn't get him used to vegetables, so he won't eat them. Or making fun of my cramps on my period. That's some of what I was referring to when I said immature. Someone texted me saying if I was sure that he cheated on me. No I am not sure, at the moment it just felt like it made sense because of how horrible he was being. Though they made a good point. The sister very much well could have just been trying to kick me when I was down since I was leaving anyway. I have no evidence and I probably will never have evidence. I unblocked him to just tell him I was going to come over in a few days to get my stuff and if he could just not be there and that I'd leave my keys. He said fine and that was it. So he will not be there when I get the rest of my belongings. I will also bring a friend with me in case he does do something. I'm still not speaking to my family and I think I'm just going to go no contact like people suggested. I saw a video from a woman speaking about me and someone in the comments said I was groomed into this treatment which is why he felt it was okay to do this. Maybe she's right. When I get my Financials in order I think I'll try therapy and wait a few years before attempting to date anyone. I also kept getting this question. "How did the uber come so quick" The wedding venue was in a city, in a building. Uber took 30 secs to order and 3 mins to get there. Plus who was really going to stop me from getting into the car? My husband gave up tbh pretty fast once he saw me trying to get into the car. I thought it was weird but I realize now. Playing victim because he didn't get his way. Some of you may be saying how did you not realize you were being abused? I don't know sometimes it just happens that way. My brain is kind of dead at this point. Again thank you to literally everyone for all the sweet comments and even people messaging me privately. I haven't responded to them all but I will try to since you took time out of your day to see if I was okay. I really appreciate that To people who say this is fake. I don't care 🤷 I went on this app because I figured I'd get like a few comments and maybe some insight. I got that insight (wayyy more than I thought I'd get in a million years) and now I'm going to move forward with my life. So this is the last update, I'm going to respond to the pm's and then forget about this account and hopefully my old life. It's genuinely to depressing for me to think about. Edit: I'm okay though I feel lonely and depressed but I have my friends supporting me so I'm not that alone. I'll be okay and get myself out of this hole. I realize this post is a bit to doom and gloom. Edit:I'll bring a policeman with me if you guys say that I should.

AITAH for leaving my own wedding because my husband embarrassed me?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16adoif/aitah_for_leaving_my_own_wedding_because_my/

16adsq1

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/fsinlaw **AITA for telling my brother’s fiancé that we don’t owe her a family?** **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15mb8ih/aita_for_telling_my_brothers_fianc%C3%A9_that_we_dont/) **Aug 9, 2023** My (F25) (step)brother Nico (29) has recently got engaged to a woman called Jenny after dating for two years. We all tried to welcome Jenny, especially knowing that she grew up in the foster care system and didn’t have family. We tried to get to know her, but she seemed to want an instant intimate connection rather than building one. Me and my younger (step) sister Chelsea (22) bore the brunt of her neediness but our parents have also expressed concerns. Since she met us she has been trying to insert herself into pictures, family disputes, and social events. She has no boundaries. We’ve all talked to Nico about it so many times, even sitting him down as a family and he keeps saying he will talk to her but nothing changes, and it’s got worse since the engagement. She tried to make me her Maid of Honour, demanded my mother throw her a bridal shower, started calling my parents Mom and Dad even though they asked her not to, and reached out to distant family members that we don’t even talk to to tell them about the engagement. Last week we were all (Chelsea, Nico, me, and our partners) staying at our parents’ place. Jenny, Nico, and my bf were the only ones not up yet and the rest of us were in the kitchen. Chelsea, my mum, and I were talking about taking a weekend trip. Jenny came in, having overheard us, saying it sounded like fun and proceeded to invite herself along. I was pretty annoyed by this and said she couldn’t just invite herself. Jenny said why wouldn’t she be invited, and I said because marrying Nico doesn’t give you a blanket invite to every single thing all his family does. Jenny got upset and said she would really like to be included in our family, since it was the only one she knows and she doesn’t have a proper family. I said I know that and we all sympathise but that doesn’t mean we owe you a new one. The whole room was silent and Jenny got up and went back upstairs. She didn’t come out the rest of the day but Nico came down to chew me out over what I said. Our parents defended me saying he had an opportunity to talk to Jenny and he didn’t. He and Jenny left the same day and he’s now only keeping low level contact with everyone. When I’ve spoken to him since he’s just said I went way too low with what I said to Jenny and that I’ve set her back mentally and that she’s really down. I do feel bad, but I also feel like Jenny has been overstepping. We are all open to a relationship with her (we all have good relationships with partners in the family) but she never really made a genuine effort to build relationships with us, she just decided she was entitled to them, which I think isn’t fair. I don’t know if I should reach out to Nico or Jenny with a more fervent apology, which I will if I have really screwed up here. I don’t want to be the reason Nico stops talking to us. I just feel like he dropped the ball by letting it get to this point. Edit - okay I’m adding this because I thought it was implied but maybe not. We do push back when Jenny is being intrusive. I can’t count how many times I have said “Jenny I’m not comfortable talking about my sex life/therapy/medication etc., it’s really personal, can we just change the subject”. We move on from the conversation but the next time I talk to her it’s back to square one. Same with my parents, they politely ask her not to call them mom and dad, and she stops for the duration of that conversation, and then starts again next time. We’ve never had a more in depth conversation with her, we offered, and Nico said no, he would talk to her. Edit 2: for everyone saying I should consider Jenny family because she’s engaged to Nico, that isn’t what I meant with that comment. I commented this elsewhere but I’m copying because it encapsulates when I was trying to get across. I never said or meant that she isn’t part of the family. I guess what I meant with what I said was, you can’t parachute yourself in and expect us to be the family you deserve. Because the family every person deserves is one with their mom and their dad and it’s happy and it’s from birth, and you don’t have do anything to earn it. Sadly, not everyone gets that. I know I didn’t. And I know how much it must suck for her to feel like she has to work for what other people got for free. I have a shitty bio dad, so I kind of know. You think “why do I have to be good and clever and kind and a million other things to have a good family while all anyone else has to do is just be born”, and it’s the worst. But when you come into a family that already exists that’s the way it is. They learn to love you and it takes time. My stepdad didn’t love me the second he met me, or love me just because he loved my mom, he got to know me, and figured out who I was as a person and he loved me for me. We wanted to have that opportunity with Jenny. And maybe that doesn’t feel good enough for her and I guess it’s not really fair that she doesn’t have the other kind of unconditional love but I don’t think that’s up to us, or anyone, to fix. That’s just my view. **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/164f4mz/update_aita_for_what_i_said_to_my_brothers_fiancé/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2)  **Aug 29, 2023** Wow that post blew up. In no small part to my extensive replies while sitting in an airport lounge on a layover 😂 I am still getting dms asking for an update so here goes. First, Thanks everyone for your advice, I received some really insightful messages and comments which were really helpful and heartfelt. Long story short we decided to have a session with a family mediator. It was me, my bf, Jenny, Nico, my parents, and Chelsea. I’m not sure I can’t fit in all the insights from the session so I’ll keep to key things. Firstly, for all those wondering if Nico ever actually told Jenny what we said. Nico talked to Jenny about our concerns precisely twice, a third of the times we brought it up. She said it was presented to her as an offhand comment from our parents rather the intervention it was. Second, Basically one of the main things that came up was how Nico kind of “sold” our family to Jenny as a blended family she could slot into, and she got really invested in that. Nico said he kept hoping that it would all work itself out once Jenny felt more secure in their relationship. Then came the real crux. Jenny said she wasn’t just looking for a relationship with Nico, but with a whole family. And we all had a long discussion about what that looked like for us in an ideal world, and it was vastly different. Then the mediator asked her the question “if you never get the relationships you want from this family, do you think you’ll still be able to have a happy relationship?” And she said she didn’t know. This kind of triggered Nico, who said he felt like Jenny was making him feel like he wasn’t enough on his own, that she wanted a family from him more than a relationship with him. Then Jenny got upset and said why couldn’t we all just try to be the family she needed. At which point my boyfriend had an uncharacteristic moment of insanity and went off on her, then he and I left the room. I was right in the middle of lecturing him when everyone else came out except Nico and Jenny and said that they need the rest of the session to discuss what had been said. Nico came back to our parents’ place later and said he and Jenny are “taking a beat” because she’s ruminating on what the mediator said and he’s pretty crushed that she might not want to be with him if he doesn’t come with a ready made family attached. He said he was prepared to pretty much give up a family for her, but she won’t even give up the idea of one for him. He’s now staying with my boyfriend and me until further notice. We haven’t has any further conversations with him and Jenny, he’s not in the headspace for it. If they stay together I foresee a lot more mediation. At the end of the day, everyone on the thread was right in some way. I was an AH for saying what I said in the way I said it, and this conversation between all of us should have happened earlier. * **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for telling my brother’s fiancé that we don’t owe her a family?

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16adsq1/aita_for_telling_my_brothers_fiancé_that_we_dont/

16as0ch

**I am not the original poster. Original post by** u/another1bitten **in** r/AmItheAsshole. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!loss of a loved one!< mood spoilers: >!grief, loss, humorous approach to death, nice ending!< --- &nbsp; ###[**WIBTA if I played “Another One Bites the Dust” at my brother’s wake?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/df2xqn/wibta_if_i_played_another_one_bites_the_dust_at/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Tue, Oct 8, 2019* My brother died. He was an incredible, funny guy, I miss him like I lost one of my limbs. Maybe it’s stupid, but I want people to remember the person he was. My dad and aunts have been involved in planning his funeral and they have been planning a very Catholic funeral service. He wasn’t Catholic and wouldn’t like the very expensive casket, the flowers, the church with a lot of people he didn’t know there. He’d think it’s way too fancy, way too much. He and I had morbid discussions a lot (side effect of me being a goth teenager, I guess). He told me he wanted to be cremated and his ashes thrown into a ceiling fan while “It’s Raining Men” played in the background...obviously not an option....Also, together we made up a funny funeral playlist, including songs like “Highway to Hell” and “Another One Bites the Dust.” To remember him, I want to bring a speaker and play “Another One Bites the Dust” at his wake. I would explain it to the people at the wake and say that I wanted to preserve the person he was. Maybe I could give a speech, or tell the story and explain how he saw death with humor, not sadness. There will be a lot of extended, older family members there who weren’t very familiar with him and are Catholic, so I’ve been thinking maybe not. But I really want to preserve his memory as he was, not what people think he should have been. I think my cousins and sister would get a kick out of it. WIBTA? ***Judgement: Asshole*** &nbsp; ###UPDATE *Added to original post* I didn’t really expect this response, but thank you. My brother would have been absolutely thrilled by all of your comments. I swear, I almost sense his hand in it. I don’t know if anyone will see this update, but here goes, This morning, I talked to my dad about the wake. I suggested, as some of you did, that maybe I could give a eulogy and talk about my brother, and then play a instrumental cover of the song. I found a violin one that I really liked. My dad listened to the cover and looked at the list that my brother and I made. He actually smiled and laughed, and said that it seemed like a great idea. I hadn’t really been thinking about my Dad as much as I should have, I thought of him as opposition, I guess he cared way less about the Catholic stuff than I thought. I also reached out to some of my brother’ s friends. Some of them had already been planning a party in his honor and they were happy to listen to some of my ideas. We are going to play all the songs on the list, plus a few others that apparently he told his friends about and not me, and we’re going to start working on logistics for scattering (not human!) ashes from a ceiling fan. Thanks again. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

WIBTA if I played “Another One Bites the Dust” at my brother’s wake?

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16as0ch/wibta_if_i_played_another_one_bites_the_dust_at/

16as0u7

**I am not the original poster. Original post in** r/AmItheAsshole. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!Privacy and Online Safety, Privacy and Online Safety!< mood spoilers: >!conflict, OOP and her niece were able to come to an agreement!< --- &nbsp; ###[**AITA for deactivating my niece's social media when she refused to do an internet safety course?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mf7ca8/aita_for_deactivating_my_nieces_social_media_when/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Sun, Mar 20, 2021* I have custody of my sister's daughter, a 13 year old. She became old enough for social media a few months ago and I let her create profiles on her birthday. I said the condition was that she make her accounts private, and only accept follows/friend requests from people she knows. She showed me her accounts, which were set to private, so I believed her. I also followed her, so I could see what she was posting, which she agreed to. A couple weeks ago I decided to check her profile, as I hadn't seen one of her posts in a while, despite her being on there all the time. It's public, not private, so she changed her settings, and I'm no longer following her. I'm assuming I was softblocked as I can still see her profile. However, the part that concerned me most was her bio. She has her full date of birth, full name, town name, ethnicity, other info about her, and photos of her and her friends in their school uniforms, with the school crest visible. I told her why this was a problem, but she responded that it wasn't a problem. I told her she has 2 options: take an internet safety course, or delete/deactivate all her profiles. She chose the first option. I paid for a short course (an estimated 4 hours to complete). It took a couple days, at which point she told me she'd taken the course and passed with flying colours, even showing me the certificate that said she passed. I gave it a day, checked her profile, and it was exactly the same, except I was blocked, and had to go on incognito to check it. I also checked the course website and it said that "you" (as in the user) spent 17 minutes on the course. That was the last straw, so I told her to delete/deactivate everything, and I put software on the PC, which I've used to block social media. I can't do much about apps on her phone but it's something. She's told my mother what I've done, and mum is outraged. Says I had no right to take away her social media, that I should reinstate it, and apologise for being paranoid and controlling and let her make her own choices about her personal safety. I've said she's 13 with no concept of internet safety, she can have social media back when she understands how any aspect of online safety works. My mother feels this is unreasonable and that I have moved the goalposts as she completed the course like I asked, but there's no way she completed a 4 hour course in less than 20 minutes. Mum says she's 13, not a little kid, and I need to trust that she knows what she's doing. I said she has to earn that trust first, and mum again accused me of moving the goalposts and said her completing the course should have earned that trust. AITA for not letting her have social media? ####EDIT To be clear, this is more about my conflict with my mother, and her accusations of me being controlling. I don't expect anyone to call a 13 year old an a-hole. Also, to clarify a few things: I'm a woman. My niece's mother is my older sister. My sister, and my niece's father, are both uninvolved in her life, which is why I have sole custody and have legally adopted her. The mother I mentioned above is my mother, who is also my niece's grandmother. ***Judgement: No A-holes here*** &nbsp; ###[**UPDATE: AITA for deactivating my niece's social media when she refused to do an internet safety course?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mi2iz6/update_aita_for_deactivating_my_nieces_social/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Thu, Apr 01, 2021* It's been a few days. I read through every comment on my original post, and saw all your feedback, particularly the parts about my niece being unlikely to trust me after this. I sat my niece down one final time. I talked to her again about all the information she wanted to add, trying to explain again why it was a bad idea to put her full name, her date of birth, location, and whatever else online. She still didn't believe that it could be dangerous. So I asked her what information she wanted to put exactly. She told me. I googled it. The entire first page of results was all about her, or my sister (her mother), or me. It showed her school website, as she's been mentioned in the newsletter. Her full name also brought up her personal phone number, and a website for details of the adoption. I then showed her what was linked with my name, despite my very careful social media presence. The results included a background check website that listed all my former names, my number, my address (where we currently live), and more behind a paywall. She now completely understands what I was trying to tell her. We worked out a new deal. She's allowed social media, but instead of all the information she wanted to add she's only allowed her star sign and that she's a minor. She can give a location but it has to be our county, not our town. Her profile will be on private and she can only link up with people she knows IRL. I will follow her from a fake account, so her friends don't see her aunt on her friend lists. These restrictions will lessen in due time. If she does anything to screw it up, it all gets deactivated again, and we won't even revisit the topic of social media until she's 15. As for my mother, I called her and told her to back off. I said that I have custody of my niece, so I make the decisions, and mum doesn't get to make that harder for me. That if she really thought my niece putting her full name, date of birth, location, etc, online was safe, she's an idiot, and it pisses me off that the only times I hear from her, it's so she can tell me that I'm doing something wrong, when she herself was given the chance to adopt my niece and refused. Mum essentially said that she can't believe I'd treat her like this and I shouldn't expect to hear from her for a while. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

AITA for deactivating my niece's social media when she refused to do an internet safety course?

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16as0u7/aita_for_deactivating_my_nieces_social_media_when/

16as1vj

**I am not the original poster. Original post in AskaManager**. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!NONE!< mood spoilers: >!OOP is satisfied with how things played out!< --- &nbsp; ###[**Can my husband’s employer constantly record all the conversation in our house?**](https://www.askamanager.org/2020/08/can-my-husbands-employer-constantly-record-all-the-conversation-in-our-house.html) *AUGUST 24, 2020* I am a stay-at-home mom living a work life vicariously through your blog. My husband is still working at home due to corona. His company has been very cautious. All of their on-site campuses have been closed, with all employees working from home. They were given company computers and phones to use, and my husband has a good relationship with his manager. They have no requirements about having a secluded office away from noise. My husband doesn’t have space for an office, so it is smack-dab in the middle of the playroom. On more than one occasion, clients can hear baby noises. The company has not yet flagged it as a problem. Enter stage right: a system update to my husband’s work-provided phone. (His work phone and work computer are connected, and both were updated.) This new update means the phone is continuously recording everything around it. When I’m downstairs with the kiddos, I chat with my husband, especially during slow times. My husband’s phone has a mute button, but it randomly will click off without warning. Is this legal? Like, maybe recording my husband is fine, but is it legal to record me? If they hear us talking, can they use what they have recorded against him in any way? We talk about fairly innocuous things, kids, money, family, but I don’t want to get in trouble. And if it is illegal, how should my husband approach the issue with his manager? &nbsp; ###[**UPDATE: Can my husband’s employer constantly record all the conversation in our house?**](https://www.askamanager.org/2020/12/update-can-my-husbands-employer-constantly-record-all-the-conversation-in-our-house.html) *DECEMBER 10, 2020* My husband seemed to be in a mild state of shock reading your post and then reading the comments. To quote a [great literary mind](https://books.google.com/books?id=00gTAgAAQBAJ&pg=PT27&lpg=PT27&dq=Mr.+Fish+was+most+astounded.+Mr.+Fish+was+most+aghast.&source=bl&ots=UAoPXwGpl8&sig=ACfU3U18KxN86Zu9SwLjuclFYMVWljye_g&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwivsqrSwrvtAhUlq1kKHWuTAtAQ6AEwCnoECAcQAg#v=onepage&q=Mr.%20Fish%20was%20most%20astounded.%20Mr.%20Fish%20was%20most%20aghast.&f=false), “Mr. Fish was most astounded. Mr. Fish was most aghast.” After reading, he looked at me and stated matter-of-factly, “The Internet thinks I should quit my job.” A few commenters picked up on details that I left out for anonymity, but yes. It was for a finance-related call center. It’s often true that the workers in the phone mines don’t get treated too well. This appeared to be no exception. And to respond to some commenters, my husband does care very much, but he didn’t write in because he’s not the one addicted to AAM. In his (spoiler, prior) industry, calls did need to be recorded to meet regulations. Normally, in order to work from home, you would need a secluded, private place to work. These are not normal times, though, so my husband was working in the playroom. He was given equipment, but no way to preserve privacy. We had some legal problems on our hands. Anyway, my husband chose not to bring it up with his manager again. It was a system update, but here’s the kicker. The system update was intentional. 100% intentional. When telling me the story the first time, my dear husband left out an important detail. He found out that the system was constantly recording because his manager started talking to him out of nowhere through his headset when a call wasn’t happening. No ring. No beep. Just his manager’s voice echoing in his head. My husband was like WTF and texted to me not to talk to him when he’s not on a call because it might be recorded as well, but he neglected to tell me what had just happened. (He forgets to tell me details like this all. the. time. Like three years into our marriage, he remembered to tell me that he accidentally was a part of an MLM for a week. Important stuff.) So, nobody on his team expressed they even cared about the system update. They were getting coached on calls by using this system and so they found it useful, I guess. Plus, another feature of the update was people were taking up to five times as many calls. The company also decided to slash his team’s commission structure. More work. Less money. Nobody was happy. Being listened to was the least of most people’s worries. So, my husband dusted off the resume and decided to pursue a career he has wanted since he was a wee lad. I helped him with his cover letter using the advice from your site, and helped him show some personality. Despite not having the required degree and certification, they loved his enthusiasm and saw that he had the necessary skills. They hired him less than a week after he started his job hunt! We celebrated. And my husband wasn’t at the old place long enough to see his pay get cut. His old manager was very understanding and threw a low-key party and will serve as a good reference for him in the future. The new job is not free from issues, though. Re: the email I almost sent you with the subject line, “How to respond when your boss texts you ‘I love you’.'” We were able to spot the potential problems before accepting the offer blindly, though, and ultimately decided the benefits outweighed the risks. Flexible schedule, decent starting wage in new industry, vs serious office drama. As for me, housewife and raiser of small humans, I will hopefully be able to write you with my own questions someday in the not-too-distant future. I have decided that I want a career. This is a big deal for me. Like, I was taught growing up that women should not pursue a career. Education was only a back-up plan. I guess I thought when my kids left the house, I would seamlessly transition back into the workforce. Your site showed me that is not so, and also that education really is not the most important thing employers care about. So, with my husband’s newfound flexibility, he is watching the kids at least five hours every day so I can study and get my degree, at which point I’ll decide if I want to get my PhD or get a job. I’m still relatively young, and I’m grateful I made this choice now instead of having a midlife crisis. I’m grateful for an awesome husband. I’m grateful for the privilege I have to get a good education. I’m grateful for that lawyer you reached out to. He nailed it on the head. And I’m grateful for your perceptive advice and the commentariat’s support, and your politics-free zone to help me keep my sanity this year. I can’t believe how much I’ve learned just from reading your site, and someday when I’m not a poor student, I hope to buy your books and give them to all 20+ siblings of mine for Christmas. (I told you I was raised believing women should bear children, right?) And thus concludes a long-winded update of the year from Hades. May next be as good as this year was bad. – *The Wife (sometimes) in the Playroom* &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

Can my husband’s employer constantly record all the conversation in our house?

EXTERNAL

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16as1vj/can_my_husbands_employer_constantly_record_all/

16au9vo

**I am NOT the original poster.** That is u/Status_Negotiation35. She posted in u/AmITheAsshole. Trigger Warning: >!divorce, infidelity!< Mood Spoiler: >!nuclear revenge, but overall positive for OOP!< **Original** [**Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/158e8nw/aita_for_refusing_to_spend_time_with_my_stepsister/)**: July 24, 2023** Backstory: I’m 15F. My parents divorced a year ago because my father cheated. He married the affair girlfriend like instantly. I think he’s a complete jerk and told the judge I wanted to live with my mom, so I do but they still said I had to go to my father’s every other weekend. I don’t want to see him, so I refused to go at first, but it was stressing my mom out with court stuff. I agreed to go as long as his wife is totally hands off and I can stay in my room and not be bothered except for one family activity of their choice. So that’s where we are, every other weekend, my dad picks me up, talks at me in the car because I won’t talk to him, we go to family therapy where everyone but me talks, I stay in my room until sometime Saturday when I go out with them to do something “fun” and then mostly stay in my room until my mom picks me up on Sunday. I have plenty of stuff to keep me busy, so I’m fine, but everyone else not so much. Affair wife has kids (12F,9M) that would go to their dad’s on my weekends so I never saw them but the schedule changed so now they’re there when I am. 9M is fine, he asks to borrow a video game now and then but he’s like polite about it and gives them back so sure. 12F won’t leave me tf alone, any time I don’t literally have my door locked she’s barging in trying to talk to me or wanting to do something. I tried to tell her to leave me alone in a nice way, but last time I just up and told her I never want to talk to her and I’m going to ignore her from now on. She cried about it, affair wife got mad, my father said she’s having a hard time with the divorce too and I shouldn’t take it out on her. I told him he could stop forcing me to visit then and problem solved. Everyone is mad. My mom says she gets it, but 12F probably is just looking for someone not her parents to talk to. I just don’t see why it has to be me. ***Verdict: NTA.*** **Edit** \- Ok, after reading everything and thinking about it for a few days, here’s what I’m going to do. A lot of people suggested letting them have it in therapy. So, tomorrow I’m turning into an unskippable cutscene in therapy. They want me to talk so I’ve got a whole filibuster planned if I need it and no one else is getting a word in edgewise. My father will be addressed as “Cheater” and affair wife as “Adultress” from now on. If that doesn’t get me dropped off back at my mom’s, when the other two kids get to the house they are going to be told everything about the cheating. I’m rewriting the lyrics to a really catchy song to be about my cheating father so I can sing it at him and get it stuck in his head if needed. Guess we’ll see if that works better than ignoring them. **Edit #2:** It’s been an intense weekend y’all. I dropped all the nukes in therapy. My father nearly got kicked out of the session. He was big mad but he wouldn’t let me go home. As soon as the kids got to the house, I caught 12F and apologized for snapping at her and told her I had just been on edge a lot since her mom and my dad cheated and that’s why everyone broke up. She didn’t know, so she started crying and yelled at her mom and all hell broke lose. Leaving out the rest for reasons, but my mom came to get me, the cops got involved, and it turns out affair wife said she would divorce my father if he brought me back to their house anyway so at least for right now I can stay at my mom’s. I guess what happens next depends on what the court says, but I had to go talk to some people yesterday about what happened plus I was able to record some of it so idk I hope it’s enough for me to be free. ***~~Flairing as Concluded as it appears OOP got her wish to permanently stay with her mother.~~*** ***Not concluded! Update*** [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16nvdnb/update_aita_for_refusing_to_spend_time_with_my/)***.***

AITA for refusing to spend time with my step-sister?

CONCLUDED

piercingeye

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16au9vo/aita_for_refusing_to_spend_time_with_my_stepsister/

16b76hg

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/throwaway2007_ **My boss basically told me to "suck it up, get demoted, or quit but if you quit, give us 6 months notice so we can replace you"** **LINK TO PREVIOUS** [BoRU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1531eou/my_boss_basically_told_me_to_suck_it_up_get/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Originally posted to** r/antiwork [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/antiwork/comments/135e8d0/my_boss_basically_told_me_to_suck_it_up_get/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **May 2, 2023** In the industry I work in, I was tossed into a position where I was going to be "wearing a lot of hats." My boss has been relentless ever since he put me into a new role just 2 months after I was hired for a different one. It took him 8 months to provide me with a job description for this new role. This role was intended for him originally but he said he needed someone else to take it on because he was already slammed. There was no structure at all and he had no plans for it. He would leave out information or not include me in key meetings with executives or donors. If he made a mistake, he would say it was me that did it. If a plan he had failed, it was my fault. He made sure to make everyone believe that I was dramatic. Fast forward a year later and I am very overwhelmed. Im given impossible deadlines and workloads that have started to affect my mental health. My boss will ask me to do stuff out of work hours or to work overtime to prove that I am giving my all. I decline these things because to me, I work my 40 hours and that is it. After many people urged me to talk with my boss about the burn out Im feeling and him sending messages to my team asking us to approach him if we feel burn out, I did it. His response was to put down my entire team and that we are "unmotivated" and that I need to decide whether I can work harder because if not, I should find a different career or calling in life. He tried to paint it as him guiding me to "help." He told me that I am working above my paygrade and that I should either accept a demotion, suck it up and try harder, or give him a 6 month notice that I am quitting. He brought up how I might have something psychologically or mentally wrong with me and that I need to figure out what I want in life. Little does he know, the former college I used to lecture at has invited me to apply to a new position on the campus that pays almost more than double than my job pays me now and it comes with many more benefits. I would also be working with people I loved working with before. I would be apart of a union. I am praying and hoping that I get this new position so I can give him a one day notice about my departure. [Update 1 - My boss is having me write an essay with details of my minute by minute workday to prove I'm working hard.](https://www.reddit.com/r/antiwork/comments/138poc7/my_boss_is_having_me_write_an_essay_with_details/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **May 5, 2023** If you saw my last post on this subreddit, you know my boss is an asshat. He recently started to question my workload and the workload of my coworkers because we are all stressed and burnt out. He tried framing this assignment as him trying to help us to see if he can help us better time manage things, but we've gone to him with requests and feeback before and keep getting told "You just have to work harder, that's what I do." I had to block off my entire calendar to do this task today but I am going to write the most obnoxious and highly detailed essay just to piss him off. In grad school, I was notorious for overwriting and taking my time to "get to the point." Who knew that fun little skill would come in handy today. To answer the two popular questions: 1. No, I can't quit on the spot because I can't afford it. 2. Yes, I am looking for other jobs/actively applying. Edit: Thank you everyone for the suggestions :) I wrote the essay using parts of Chat GPT and it came out to 8 pages long single spaced. I would share snippets of it but it does have identifying details about my clients and work place. If my boss has a reaction to this, I will share it to the subreddit! [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/antiwork/comments/14gqzpv/update_my_boss_is_having_me_write_an_essay_with/) **June 23, 2023** Many people asked me if I could give an update on this situation at work. The essay, which turned out to be 8 pages long, did not help me at all. If anything, it ignited a fire of retaliation on his end (which was my full intention). My boss, being the narcissist that he is, came to the conclusion that although I provided all the deliverables and met all the expectations we set out... I am just not "living up to his standards" and he would like to conduct a performance review with me. He will also be having me do a performance improvement plan. I questioned him heavily in our last meeting about the necessity of a performance review if I am performing to the expectations set out. He tried to claim that there was something serious that needs to be addressed and he needs HR and the Executive Director involved. He tried to say he was going to be giving me "constructive criticism" but his constructive criticism consists of creating elaborate lies about my work ethic. He tries to cover up his mistakes, terrible memory, and lack of organization by blaming his staff. In my last performance review, he told HR and the ED that I never finish my work and that I make mistakes... that was the first time I had ever heard about that. Our project management system captures everything and it shows that I am on track, no late tasks, and complete all work given to me. I will be quitting before he tries to conduct this performance review. I have been interviewing at other places with better pay and benefits. My entire organization is falling apart and four people have quit within a month (we are a staff of less than 40). I am jumping ship at the perfect moment! EDIT: Thank you all for your support and suggestions! To answer the most popular questions: 1. I am going to quit on the spot within the next two weeks, I am not sticking around to be gaslighted any longer. 2. The essay was already written with the assistance of Chat GPT. 3. Yes, I've been applying and interviewing at other places :) 4. HR, the Executive Director, and the CEO at my nonprofit organization do not care about their employees. They have a high turnover rate for a reason and they retaliate against any staff that brings up concerns. They won't fire you but they will make your life a living hell until you quit. FINAL EDIT: I hear some of your concerns about the hostile work environment and will be contacting the Department of Labor. I also wanted to address all the folks in the comments who are assuming that I am being irresponsible by quitting. I have other options lined up, I'm waiting for responses. I will NOT be staying at this job and waiting to get fired. I have been hospitalized from the stress that my work has been putting on my heart condition, this will not end well if I stay. I am in my mid 20's, an athlete, and hold a graduate degree. I shouldn't stay to prove a point, I should go where I'm valued! ##**NEW UPDATES** * [Update 3](https://www.reddit.com/r/antiwork/comments/155dtad/final_update_my_boss_is_having_me_write_an_essay/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **July 21, 2023** Since I had so many people in my message requests and comments the last couple of days begging for an update from this post, I thought I would jump on here and close this little journey of mine out. **To make it VERY clear, I am leaving this job soon (Interviewing with a couple of different universities right now) and I work at a non-profit that is very disorganized. There is no way I am sticking around to get fired to prove a point, there is no severance pay in this org.** I tried to take some of your comments and my family's advice by going to HR to bring up the issues that have been occurring with my boss in terms of him lying about my work ethic, micromanaging me, and alluding to firing me. HR did not care at all and tried to tell me that she cannot document my complaint even though I have a paper trail because it is "He said, she said and then there is the actual truth." Also fun fact, she kept calling me by the wrong name AND said "I don't even know what you do here." During my next meeting with my boss, I was brutally honest with him about his poor management style (obviously in a professional way). He tried to not make it obvious that HR came to him and told him everything because he said "Concerned coworkers have come forward to tell me some things you have been saying." But none of my coworkers know the extent of the issues and only HR knew the specific details he ended up bringing up. He gaslighted me the entire time saying "I never said this, you misinterpret me and by the way, I document every single thing we talk about so you must be confused." I shut him down with only facts and just stared at him while he tried to rewrite the reality of everything. He kept begging me to say anything that could make him he could feel better (LOL). He ended the conversation by admitting that we are having a performance review and putting together a PIP not because of my actual performance but because I "misinterpret" everything (I'm assuming he means the long minute-by-minute essay). I can promise you all... I do not misinterpret anything, especially with my message screenshots with him, the voice recordings I have taken of him, and our project management system exchanges. I do not care anymore, my ED does not care, and nor does my CEO. Our Board of Directors is basically non-existent so there is no one else I can go to for help. All of the jobs I have been interviewing for are 15k-20k differences in the pay I receive now and the benefits are AMAZING. I will not fight to stay at a place that only gives 3 days of sick pay, 6 days of PTO, and 4 paid holidays off. I have learned from this experience that you should never never NEVER back down from your truth even if it means writing an 8-page overtly detailed essay about my work tasks to prove a point. Thank you all for your support! :) [Update 4 - "If you want to leave, please give us 6 months notice" and Im only giving one days notice now.](https://www.reddit.com/r/antiwork/comments/15vhrja/if_you_want_to_leave_please_give_us_6_months/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 19, 2023** My toxic work environment has just worn me down. Any piece of solution or feedback I give to my organization always lands me in the conversation of "You can either be a team player or you can transition to another job outside of our org but please give us 6 months notice so we have enough time to find someone for your role" They really couldn't fire me because I was the only one running my program. They also can't afford unemployment. Well, I received a job offer yesterday and I will be making 20k more a year than I currently make at my organization. My plan is to give a one days notice after having my boss and the executive team tell me to basically quit and to give them a couple months notice.... yeah, Im good. The icing on the cake is that two others in my team are putting their two weeks in at the end of next week so my organization is really about to feel the wrath of the underpaid and overworked. Sometimes being professional doesn't matter to me when I know that they weren't professional at all in the first place. EDIT: There are weirdly folks in the comments who think that I work in corporate or some technical industry. I currently work in non-profit and I am transitioning back into higher education. I don't care about "burning bridges" with an organization that is notorious for high turnover and treats their employees like children. Everyone who has worked with me that isn't my manager or the executive team is willing to be my reference no matter what. Finally, I am not just walking out because although I hate my organization, I don't hate my actual job. I work with disadvantaged youth and I want the opportunity to say goodbye to them because I know I won't have any way to do that once I leave. EDIT #2: I am a female... For all the people not understanding or grasping, I didn't leave earlier because I live paycheck to paycheck. A lot of people in the comments are creating assumptions that I am quitting to throw a "tantrum" instead of communicating. None of you have been on my email threads, in my meetings, or in my slack messages to see how I've professionally defended myself. Everything my organization has an issue with has to do with non-work related things. [Update 5](https://www.reddit.com/r/antiwork/comments/1621o6p/update_if_you_want_to_leave_please_give_us_six/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 26, 2023** For the people who were asking for an update! I took a lot of your advice into consideration and did not even give a notice. I just sent an immediate resignation. I waited till my paperwork with HR was confirmed to be done at my new job before I walked out. I said goodbye to a handful of other coworkers and just went to go hang out with family. I have been taking a little vacation before I officially start on Monday. For all the people assuming I am a man, work at a fortune 500 company or in corporate... I am a female and I was working in non-profit. A very toxic npo as well. My former employer took a whole day to acknowledge my resignation and just said they were "sad to see me go" but I know I caught them off guard. They are trying to keep it a secret at work but people notice my Slack account was disabled so I have been getting messages and phone calls from coworkers. They were all proud of me and wished they could do the same. This caught everyone off guard. I was sitting in meetings that morning talking about the future because I wanted to make it less suspicious that I was leaving. To all the bootlickers on my last post who wished that my job offer fell through so I could "learn a lesson" or that I'm "burning bridges", you are actually so vile. There is no bridge I need to run back to, these are two different industries lol I worked in higher education for about 6 years before I made the transfer into nonprofit because I was passionate about the mission. I soon found out that my CEO and management cared more about themselves and the donors than the people we served. I waltzed back into higher education and was welcomed back with a bigger pay. I don't regret anything and I feel so alive. As Karl Marx once said, "You have nothing to lose but your chains!" **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My boss basically told me to "suck it up, get demoted, or quit but if you quit, give us 6 months notice so we can replace you

NEW UPDATE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16b76hg/my_boss_basically_told_me_to_suck_it_up_get/

16ba9zs

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Well\_Hi\_There\_9091](https://www.reddit.com/user/Well_Hi_There_9091/). He posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Trigger Warning:** >!homophobia!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!happy ending!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1654ujk/aita_for_bringing_my_boyfriend_on_a_family_visit/)**: August 29, 2023** My (24M) brother (27M), sister (37F), and I thought it would be nice if we all organized a little trip to go visit our mom, as it's been a bit since we've all seen her. My sister brought her husband (38M) and two kids, and I brought my boyfriend (24M). I thought it would be okay, since my mom adores him and vice versa. I even asked my mom if I could bring him, and she was fine with it. However, last night after everyone else went to bed, I was hanging out on the porch shooting the shit with my BIL. We were just chatting, but after a while he mentioned how he thought it was "inappropriate" that I brought my boyfriend along. I asked why he thought that, and he said it made him "uncomfortable" to have a non-family member at a family visit. For context, I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years; he's not a random fling. I told my BIL that I didn't think it was a big deal, and that as long as I wasn't fucking him on the kitchen table during family dinners there wasn't any reason for him not to be there. BIL got pretty pissed at that, and to be honest I feel like I may have gone out of line. He said again that I shouldn't have brought my boyfriend, then got up and went inside. I feel pretty shitty. I know this isn't about him being a non-family member; it's about him being, well, a him. I understand that a lot of people have issues with gay couples, and I don't want to cause issues or have my BIL think that I'm forcing my relationship into his face. Also, I feel like that table-fucking comment may have been pretty unhinged. I just don't know what to do; for one, I don't want to cause unnecessary strain on my relationship with my BIL, but at the same time, I want my boyfriend to be comfortable and I don't want to get him involved in anything or make him feel bad for being here. I think I could have avoided this whole thing by just leaving him at home. So, AITA for bringing my boyfriend along on a family visit? Edit: Okay, I'm a stupid bitch for not including this, but no, this isn't the first thing he's said about me being gay. I've been getting some shit for the table comment, in part because my awful writing skills made it sound like I immediately escalated the situation without any prior conflict/issues. That's not the case. I just want to clear some things up so I don't have to do it in the comments. * BIL has made several (okay, *many*) homophobic comments about me/my bf over the past couple years. Some of them were behind my back and later relayed to me by other family members, some of them were directly to me, but the point is, this isn't a one-off. I don't want to justify my obviously rude comment, but this is kind of an ongoing thing. * No, he isn't speaking for someone else. He himself is upset about my boyfriend being here, and he's the only one (as far as I know) that's uncomfortable. This post is about him and him alone. * I don't know if it was totally clear, because at least one person has seemed to have gotten this mixed up, but that comment was just to him. Nobody else was there. I might be rude as fuck, but I'm not crude enough to say that in front of everyone else. I hope this clears things up a little more. I should have been more upfront from the beginning. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Have you ever flat out told him that what he says is homophobic?* "Not flat out, no. Occasionally, he'll be an asshole to my poor boyfriend, who hasn't done shit to upset anyone. In that case, I'll tell him to chill the fuck out and leave him alone. If he's being like that to me, however, I basically just tell him to lay off. I've never said anything along the lines of your comment to him, but I know other people have." *Is your sister also homophobic?* "I've been so scared of starting shit that I haven't really talked to her at all about it. That's a good question, though, of whether she's homophobic. Not really, but she also doesn't really defend me when her husband goes after me. However, between her and my brother, he would take someone out for me, while she just vaguely chastises her husband every once in a while if he takes it too far. So I guess you could say not directly, but she doesn't go out of her way to stop it." *It sounds like your sister is because she's not sticking up for you and it will only get worse:* "Nah you're right. I do want to marry him, and I definitely don't want that energy. Of course, he wouldn't be invited, but I totally get your point about it getting worse. It's honestly pretty sad that it took me until your comment to even think about my sister potentially (and probably) being homophobic. The putting-on-a-show thing makes a lot of sense, especially when you make that racism comparison. Thank you so much, both for your support and really putting this into perspective for me. It's late as fuck and I'm falling asleep right now, but I'll have that conversation tomorrow and post an update on how it goes. I don't have a great feeling about it, but I agree that I can't keep putting it off." *Why would you even want to have a relationship with this guy?* "All my attempts at any sort of relationship are for the benefit of my sister. Everyone hates my BIL, none more than my brother, so I was trying to give her one last chance to be like, "oh, my little brother and my husband get along, how fucking sweet" or whatever the fuck. Obviously that's not the case, and now I'm pissed at her because I realized that she's been condoning this all along. They defend me, but he keeps doing it and she keeps bringing him. Nobody, including me, really knows what to do anymore, but I'm going to try to figure that out today. If either of my nephews ends up being queer, I'm going to fucking rescue them. Trust me, don't worry about that because I already have." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update (Same Post): August 30, 2023 (Next Day)** As some of you suggested, I everyone together and had a family meeting thing. Basically, I restated the conversation from last night, and asked if anyone else had an issue with my boyfriend being there. Here are some highlights: * My mom started dying laughing when she heard the table comment and had to leave the room, but when she came back she was pissed as fuck at my BIL, and even more so at my sister. * She and my brother both told off my sister and BIL, saying that he's disgusting, she's disgusting for going along with it, how could you treat someone this way, what did they (me and bf) ever do to you, etc. I didn't even have to make the point that he's technically not family either, because my brother made it for me (love him). * Lots of arguing. BIL saying he can't help being uncomfortable, my sister defending him, on and on. * My mom kicked them out of the house. She said that until they could learn to treat my boyfriend and I right, they will no longer be allowed in her home. Fuck yeah! * Call me petty, but when I got up from the table, I did sort of bend over it like a couple of people have told me to do. It was really subtle, but deliberate, and christ almighty did my BIL get *pissed*. Anyway, it all went pretty well, I'd say. My sister has been texting my mom, brother, and I and calling us various names and threatening us in all caps, but that can be dealt with. Thanks so much to everyone for their support. I appreciate all of you!!

AITA for bringing my boyfriend on a family visit and making my BIL uncomfortable?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16ba9zs/aita_for_bringing_my_boyfriend_on_a_family_visit/

16baa7d

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is still** [u/Scared-Weakness-6250](https://www.reddit.com/user/Scared-Weakness-6250/). He posted in [r/AmItheAsshole](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/) and [r/AITAH](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/) New update is marked with \*\*\*\*\* **Mood Spoiler:** >!shit hits the fan and there's a new twist!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/156xijb/aita_for_jumping_out_of_the_way_when_my_niece_and/?sort=old)**: July 22, 2023 (Removed from AITA, preserved in comments)** Happened today. My folks decided to host a barbeque because I guess that's what older people do. I declined because I really don't like my two sisters, their husbands or their kids (wife and I are child free). Mom then pressured the wife. Long story short, we went. By the time we arrived there were about 20 people there. My sisters and their husbands were already solidly buzzed. Drunk really. My mom was spending 100% of her time trying to keep the nieces & nephews (ages 7 to 11) more or less under control. My dad had strategically retreated to the whirlpool part of the pool with small cooler full of beers. Wife and I made small talk with miscellaneous people, ate food and had a frozen margarita. Sisters/BILs took turns criticizing us for being late, not being in our swimsuits and screwing up the vibe. Whatever. Typical suburban summer get together. About 45 minutes in two of the kids ran at one of the neighbor guests who was standing next to the pool and pushed her in. She was at the pool steps, stumbled in but didn't fall so only got half wet. She was clearly very unhappy about it but she didn't make a scene, just went over to where the parents were, grabbed their towels, dried herself off and left. Sisters and BILs thought it was all great fun. A bit later I was standing a few feet away from the pool chatting away with someone. I saw three of the kids running full tilt at me from the corner of my eye. Obviously I was next. Not that it's terribly difficult to outwit young kids but I just jumped out of their way at the last second. All three of them ran straight into the pool at full speed. Most of the other guests (including my wife and me) started laughing but their moms - who as I mentioned were pretty shitfaced - absolutely freaked out. Apparently two of the kids couldn't swim even though they were in swimsuits. Since I wasn't in swim gear I stepped back from the pool and let other people fish the kids out. The kids were bawling their heads off like they'd lost a limb. At that point all hell broke loose. The four drunk parents were yelling at everyone in general and me in particular for "nearly letting their kids drown" and also because two of the kids had been videoing the trick using their parents' iPhones, which were now at the bottom of the pool. One of my BILs got into the pool to try to retrieve the phones but his BMI and BAC made that impossible. No one else volunteered to help, unsurprising given that my sisters were still bitching at everyone. I told my sisters it was their job to watch the their kids and that if anything had happened to them it would have been their responsibility not mine. There were some pretty strong words on both sides. Wife and I left after the other BIL fell over and face planted while yelling at us. Now they're saying I should have let the little shits knock me into the pool and have their fun (and ruin my phone). So... AITA? Side note: Dad, of course, never got out of the whirlpool. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Thoughts from OOP:* "I realize they're just kids and they were just having fun. The fact that they though this was OK is more of a reflection on their parents than them. Just wish we hadn't gone. It's nice to see my folks and their neighbors but I really, really don't like my sisters or their husbands. They don't hide their envy of us and they're just exhausting to be around." *More about why OOP doesn't care for some of his family:* "It's more of an oil and water sort of thing. I've never been close to my sisters, they're 8 and 10 years older than me. I also don't have much in common with their husbands. They're OK guys but I just don't give a crap about the things that are important to them and vice versa. I do know that the four of them are somewhat envious of our lifestyle. Both the sisters are stay at home moms. Both the husbands make good money - one makes noticeably more than I do - but both my wife and I have professional careers, we don't have kids and we're way more responsible with money. As a result we have a lot more investments, etc. and we don't have to drive cars full of kid debris and we take nice trips once or twice a year. It definitely grates on both sisters and by extension their husbands. So we get some petty behavior from them on an ongoing basis. Overall neither my wife nor I enjoy their company which is why I wanted to skip the get together. Just not worth it to me. But my wife is a positive person and is usually happy to see them." *Hopefully next time your wife won't feel guilted into going:* "That's probably the one positive thing that will come out of this. Wife is much more tolerant and forgiving than I am towards my siblings but based on what she was saying on the way home I think she's had it with them as well." *Your dad sounds awesome:* "Yeah, my dad's very chill. He loves being around groups of people (used to be in sales), likes people to enjoy themselves and is definitely enjoying life as a retiree. He and two other guys with him just sat there and watched the show. Mom's cool too but the situation upset her." *Kids ok?* "The kids are fine, by the time I left they were inside watching TV. I think they're 7, 9, 10, 10, and 11. It was the middle three who played kamikaze with me. I'm guessing the 11 year old egged them on, she's usually the ringleader." *You phrased the part about your parents hosting a bbq oddly:* "I had to shorten the post to fit in the character limit. My folks are gregarious and like to have people over. They have the classic great-for-entertaining house and are always coming up with a reason to get together. They'd wanted everyone to be at their place for the 4th of July but one of my sisters and her family were on a vacation, so this was a "fake" 4th of July party complete with flags, red white and blue decorations, barbeque, a margarita machine, etc. Sparklers were promised to the kids. My nieces and nephews were the only kids there, all of the neighbors are older like my parents." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15u2n72/update_aita_for_jumping_out_of_the_way_when_my/)**: August 17, 2023 (Almost 1 month later)** First off, my folks tell me that my nieces and nephews are all good swimmers and that they use the pool all the time. The 7 year old is still a beginner but he loves the water. My sister just said they couldn't swim so I'd look bad. To be fair none of the kids are allowed in the deep end which is where they fell in. It was the two 10 year olds and the 9 year old who tried to push me into the pool. After we left the party ended on a pretty sour note. My drunk brother in law who face planted while yelling at me had to go to an urgent care place and get his face stitched up. He was too toasted to drive so Dad took him. Dad was very not happy about this. Late that evening my sisters started a group text and said some really nasty crap. Their husbands threw in a few comments as well. Wife and I blocked the four of them. My mom called me, she was pretty upset about what they said (she and dad were in the chat) and I don't blame her. Because of the texts my folks insisted my sisters / BILs come over the next day (Sunday) without their kids to "get some things straight and lay down some ground rules" (mom's wording). The result was a contrite if unenthusiastic apology from the siblings via my mom's phone. I'm glad my wife was with me when they called - her hard stares kept me from saying what I wanted to. I just told them thanks and that we felt no need to discuss it further. Since I thought things were settled I unblocked them. That evening I got a text from one of the BILs telling me the phones cost $XXXX and asking when I'd be paying for them. WTF??? I replied "Never", took a screenshot of his text and forwarded it to my folks with a note that we were done with this nonsense, were going no contact with sisters / spouses and not to invite us to any more holidays or get togethers if they'll be present. Then I blocked the sisters and their spouses again. At that point the shit really hit the fan. Dad called them and ripped them a new one. Among other things he told them the grandkids were not welcome at his place indefinitely. Since my mom regularly provides free babysitting that got them pretty rattled. He also banned them from using the vacation house and told them my wife and I actually own it, not he and mom. This completely freaked them out - both of my sisters' / families use the place a lot including having their friends up for weekend getaways. This was very much out of character for my folks. They'd clearly had it. And for reference, I never wanted my sisters to know we own the place. We bought it for my folks, they'd always wanted a place in the mountains. Keeping the ownership quiet was just a way to avoid drama with my siblings. A couple of days later my sisters and their husbands came to our place unannounced to apologize in person. We were were out to dinner and they left a note. One sister also called me at work too, I sent her to voicemail. We've decided being no contact is the best thing for the indefinite future and haven't interacted with them for the last 3+ weeks. Personally I'm done, they can go pound sand. ***Relevant Comments:*** *How life has been:* "It's been less than a month but I have to say that blocking them has actually made our lives noticeably more peaceful. I hadn't realized how much ongoing low level drama they create. It's not toxic, they're not bad people, they're just tiresome and petty. And I personally don't care about them using the weekend place. It's ours technically, but we bought it for my folks, they control it and decide who uses it when they aren't (we pay for all the operating costs and taxes). One good thing about this blow up is that we now know what we'll be doing with the property when my folks get older. I was prepared to take over managing it, allocating weekends, maintaining it and such, but now we know we'll just sell it and if we want to go to the mountains we'll just rent an Airbnb." *OOP's parents:* "Yeah, my folks aren't dumb. They're pretty laid back though, very much live and let live. I figure they'll ease up on all of this soon but that's their decision. We still won't be attending any family events for the foreseeable future. What sucks for my sisters is that they're probably very worried that I'll keep them from using the cabin (I won't, that's up to mom and dad until they are older). And it puts an end to one of the sisters' fantasy of building a "compound" of houses when "we" inherit the property, which I've known about for some time and had just ignored. Normally the lots up there are only have one area that can be built on, but this piece of property is way larger because it's at the end of a road. At least three houses with great views could be placed on that land." *They're note genuinely sorry, they just want things from you:* "I agree completely, their apologies aren't sincere. And I have no plans to interact with them anytime soon. Regarding them using the vacation home - that's really my parents decision. Yes, technically I own it and cover all the expenses but I bought it for them and gave them day to day control over it. They're good people and they always wanted a getaway place for the family but there's no way they could have ever bought it themselves. I could afford to buy it for them because I've been fortunate financially, save / invest like a demon plus I got a massive bonus the same year I sold my home and moved in with my now wife. I don't care if my folks let my siblings use the house but I will admit I'm enjoying my sisters' discomfort over finding out that I could afford to buy the place and let my folks use it while never mentioning it to them. Dad changed the lock code when they went up last week so now only he, mom, my wife and I have it. With regards to mom babysitting the kids, she tells me that once a week she and sometimes dad have been going over to each sister's place and spending the day with the kids. When school starts she's going to pick each set up from school once a week on separate days and take them home / spend the evening with them. She says the five of them together stress her out but separately they're fine. Mom and dad have both told me they don't plan on having my sisters and their families back to their place in the foreseeable future and that they're enjoying the quiet. My guess is that they were already tired of the old dynamic and used the pool party nonsense as an excuse to make some changes to the relationships." *One fun note on why OOP's post was removed from AITA:* "According to the message I just read from the other sub's moderator the violence was "Property damage". I still don't get it. The phones being ruined I guess? Ridiculous." **\*\*\*\*\*New Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/Scared-Weakness-6250/comments/16266ru/update_2/)**: August 26, 2023 (9 days from previous post)\*\*\*\*\*** Update to the update (August 26, 2023, a week after the update): Well, it's been an interesting last few days. I thought the shit had hit the fan before but it was more of a fart compared to what's happened this week. For this to make sense I need to provide some financial context. My folks haven't ever been any good at saving money (I've been doing their taxes for years so I know pretty much everything about them moneywise). Their house is paid for and they have minimal debt but they didn't save much for retirement. Both of them get Social Security, dad gets a solid pension and they have a bit of savings but there's no treasure chest in the basement. I bought their current car for them after they retired a retirement present so they could have something nice to drive; it was the first car in probably 20 years they didn't lease. My sisters are convinced the folks are dripping with money and that our parents will be leaving the two of them everything since I don't need more money, so they've never cared about saving either. Turns out my oldest sister and her husband (they have three kids) have been living beyond their means for some time and are in financial straits. They've maxxed out their credit cards and are behind on their car leases to the point that one is about to get repossessed. He'd bragged in the past about making X per year but it turns out to be about half that. She confessed all this to mom on Tuesday because they need a loan and because (and this was a WTF moment for mom and dad) that for the last three years instead of staying at the vacation house regularly she's actually been renting it out once a month or so and pocketing the cash - we're talking $2000+ for a weekend and at least $4000 for a week. With her being cut off from using the place she's had to cancel one group already. She's now worried they'll lose everything. My folks aren't in any position to give them a loan. My other sister was aware of her renting out the place but of course hasn't ever said anything. I suspect she's done the same thing as well because I went up there once to drop off an ATV I'd had worked on and there was a family there who claimed to be staying there with my sister / her family and that they'd "gone to town for something". At the time I let it go - I figured she'd loaned out the house to some friends. But I've always wondered. I found all this out through my folks who are pretty stressed out about it, mom more than dad, he's mainly just pissed off about it all. I know dad feels betrayed. And I imagine he's embarrassed that he's in no position to help his daughter out. He did reiterate that as long as it's up to him the girls won't be using the vacation home anytime soon. My folks let me know what's going on because they figured my sisters would put a full court press on me next. And they were right. On Thursday my sisters came to our place again (without husbands this time) and waited outside the door until I got home. I had to choose between fighting with them in public, them making a scene if I went in without them or letting them in so I let them in. I got a bullshit story from the older sister with the younger one backing her up regarding why I needed to let them use the mountain place again immediately. They also said I've been a shitty brother and that I needed to "step up" and plan on paying for their kids' college tuitions since "that's what family does". I let them pitch their story then called them out based on what my folks had told me. Things went to shit from there. There was denial, crying, cursing, yelling, you name it. I swear my ears are still ringing two days later. Won't lie - I said some really mean and shitty things to them but nothing that wasn't true. They finally left after about an hour. After that I took a shower and laid down. When I got up my wife was home and her first words were that she'd had to block more phone numbers because my sisters were blowing up our phones from new ones. Folks messaged me yesterday asking me to call. I'm sure my sisters have told them some bullshit version of what happened but I'm not up to rehashing it yet. I'm usually a pretty energetic person but this drama has me beaten down. I had just enough energy today to drive up to the vacation house and padlock the entrance gate shut. I'm the only one with a key. I'm guessing that will be enough to ensure my siblings leave the place alone, they'd probably die trying to walk 400 yards uphill to get to the house. **Edit- I created a new BORU post with his latest update** [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16mgs9s/hey_its_a_new_update_to_aita_for_jumping_out_of/) on September 18, 2023

NEW UPDATE: AITA for jumping out of the way when my niece and nephew tried to push me into a pool, resulting in them falling in?

NEW UPDATE

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16baa7d/new_update_aita_for_jumping_out_of_the_way_when/

16bo4h6

**I am not the original poster. Original post by** u/ThrowRA-jeffjack **in** r/relationship_advice. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* content warnings: >!Alcohol intoxication, consent, discussion of potential rape!< mood spoilers: >!Disagreement, regret, breakup, relief!< --- &nbsp; ###[**Boyfriend (18M) is upset that my (18F) brother (26M) didn’t let him spend the night with me when I was very drunk and passed out.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/i3il7r/boyfriend_18m_is_upset_that_my_18f_brother_26m/) *Tue, Aug 04, 2020* I’ve just turned 18 and can now legally drink where we live. So my brother invited me, my new boyfriend and a few friends and cousins over to hang out and maybe get drunk. I drank way more than I should have. People left one by one and I was only there with my brother and boyfriend, I don’t remember much except that I woke up in his spare bedroom in the morning and my boyfriend wasn’t there. Apparently I passed out on the couch, brother took me to the bedroom to sleep, boyfriend wanted to spend the night there but my brother said no. My brother says he didn’t let him stay because he doesn’t know him and he didn’t know if we’ve been intimate, and I was completely incapacitated and couldn’t consent to sex or anything intimate. So he felt like it’s safer to not allow him spend the night there with me. Boyfriend insisted that he didn’t want to have sex, just cuddling. He got confrontational with my brother and accused him of being controlling and said he has no right to decide if he can spend the night with me, which my brother told him “I can decide you’re not gonna spend another minute in my house”, boyfriend said he’ll leave but he’ll take me with him. Brother stood in his way and told him to either leave or deal with the police. Boyfriend left. So here we are. My brother thinks I’m dating a complete idiot and asshole, my boyfriend thinks I have an asshole controlling brother and I’ve spent the last two days regretting drinking that much. My own feeling is that it would have been okay if my boyfriend spent the night with me in the bed, but absolutely not okay to have sex (we haven’t had sex yet, dating for less than a month). I understand why my brother acted in a protective way, I was drunk and letting a guy who is interested in me sexually spend the night with me is just unnecessary risk. I also understand my boyfriend’s disappointment, but he should have respected my brother in his own house. So now my boyfriend has demanded an apology from my brother for being mistrusted and for interfering in his relationship, and my brother has banned him from future events and parties at his place for being an asshole. My boyfriend would also like me to demand an apology on my own behalf from my brother for him acting the way he did, by assuming he can decide who I can or can’t spend the night with. I’m in this mess, and I need to make this disappear if I am to have some peace and make everything normal again with my relationship and family. What do I say to my boyfriend? I think he needs to drop this and move on, and over time show to my family that his behaviour on the night wasn’t who he really is, to earn their trust. **TL;DR:** Brother didn’t let my boyfriend spend the night with me at his house when I was very drunk and incapacitated. They got confrontational and it ended up with my boyfriend being kicked out of the house. Boyfriend now demands an apology and I need a way to get him to drop it and move on. &nbsp; ###[**Boyfriend (18M) is upset that my (18F) brother (26M) didn’t let him spend the night with me when I was very drunk and passed out.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/i9m1rr/update_boyfriend_18m_is_upset_that_my_18f_brother/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Fri, Aug 14, 2020* Based on the advice of you guys, my parents and my brother, I broke up with my boyfriend. So I asked my boyfriend what he expected to happen that night if he was allowed to spend the night with me. He repeatedly said nothing but let slip that maybe he hoped we’d have sex in the morning. So you guys were right, he wanted to have sex that night with me and he probably would have if he was allowed to spend the night with me. Even the thought of it gives me a lot of stress. I always knew rape is a danger a lot of women (and men) face, but never felt it so close to me. Maybe because I’ve always been with people I trust. I don’t know. I never thought it could happen so easily to me. It would have happened to me that night if my brother hadn’t protected me the way he did. I’m going to be a lot more careful about my own safety from now on. I won’t be as trusting to strangers and I’m now learning my drinking limits so that I won’t overdo it especially where I might be vulnerable. My brother also told me to never accept a drink from the people I don’t 100% trust. Thanks reddit! &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

Boyfriend (18M) is upset that my (18F) brother (26M) didn’t let him spend the night with me when I was very drunk and passed out.

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16bo4h6/boyfriend_18m_is_upset_that_my_18f_brother_26m/

16bo54d

**I am not the original poster. Original post in AskaManager**. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!None!< mood spoilers: >!Frustration, disappointment, relief, satisfaction!< --- &nbsp; ###[**Boss organizes a poker game to determine end-of-year bonuses**](https://www.askamanager.org/2021/10/boss-organizes-a-poker-game-to-determine-end-of-year-bonuses.html) *OCTOBER 6, 2021* Is it legal for my husband’s boss to have his employees play poker to determine their bonuses? The backstory begins last winter, when a declaration was made by the owner of the company, “Michael,” that Christmas poker would be played in the office! So Michael walks in like Santa Claus with thousands of dollars worth of quarters in his jolly sack, and the Hunger Games of bonuses ensues. Coworker was pitted against coworker, and they duked it out for coins. My husband is apparently decent at poker and came home with about a thousand bucks (yes, in quarters) and a few new video games that he will never play. Most others weren’t so lucky, and the bottom people were given about $200 in consolation prizes, though they had worked there much longer than my husband. I suppose it feels different this year because last year he was new, and didn’t even know if he had worked there long enough to merit any sort of bonus. But this year, he did some critical work for the company and was told he would get a big raise and bonus a few months ago. Then he was told that finances were tight for the company, so not to plan on any pay increases until next year. Now we find out that Michael used company money he could have used to compensate my husband on an extremely expensive poker prize for this year (a used Hummer). Does he have ground to stand on legally from this experience? And if it isn’t, what do you do? File a report with the Better Business Bureau? &nbsp; ###[**UPDATE: Boss organizes a poker game to determine end-of-year bonuses**](https://www.askamanager.org/2022/12/update-boss-organizes-a-poker-game-to-determine-end-of-year-bonuses.html) *DECEMBER 19, 2022* This is an update to the Christmas bonuses determined by poker with a promised grand prize of a used Hummer. I wanted to know if it was legal, or if my husband had any recourse. The advice was helpful, though it was disappointing that we were quite limited in what we could do. Regardless, the story that shook down is moderately fun to tell. Spoiler: my husband quit. I sent the email while my husband was hard at work gambling, so there wasn’t much we could do then. He came home with a $25 music gift card. The boss’s number two talked him out of buying the used Hummer. Everyone let out a sigh of relief, which resulted in the boss being prickly all evening about his employees not appreciating such a great opportunity that they missed out on. My husband saw that as the nail in the coffin of many other issues, like the poor compensation, and started to job search. We thought that was the end of the Christmas Bonus Sequel. With a new sunrise brought a new great idea. The boss decided it was so much fun that they should do it again! In a month! At that point we began studying the comments people left on the poker post. A few commenters suggested my husband begin using his work time to study poker. It was tempting, but my husband was responsible for upcoming deadlines and couldn’t swing it without leaving the company in the lurch. (And he still needed the job, at least for the time being.) Another group of commenters mentioned looking at whether there was disparate impact among protected groups and whether or not there were accommodations for religious people, for example. Mormons doctrinally do not believe in gambling. We know because my husband and I were in the process of leaving the Mormon church. We were tempted to play the religion card because the boss thought my spouse was still Mormon, but the boss actually had access to check and influence the worthiness status of my husband if anything seemed off because of his leadership position. The boss was quite disapproving of people leaving, and of course, much worse religious discrimination happens where we live in Utah all the time that goes unchecked. So we aborted the mission. My husband decided the night of gambling part three he just wasn’t going. The boss was very upset, and tried to make my husband feel bad by sending videos of matchbox races for money. The regret we must have felt! The cherry on top: my husband had started interviewing and accepted a new job before the third gambling night. The job didn’t start for another 10 months (big 4 accounting), and my husband appropriately waited until the final two weeks of work to give his boss notice. It. Was. Glorious. The boss freaked out. He sent via text “name your number and we’ll pay you whatever you want.” My husband politely declined. The boss then repeatedly called and asked him if he was a bad boss and said he just felt so insecure with my husband leaving. My husband had been working max 10 hours a week the past year to finish his work, left ample documentation, and still, his boss did not know how to hire someone to file this particular simple tax form. It was a moment of sweet comeuppance. As a side note, I am also the wife in the playroom from the [surveillance post](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16as1vj/can_my_husbands_employer_constantly_record_all/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) in 2020. [*Post I submitted yesterday*] Readers may be happy to hear that I am only a year out from graduating with a 4.0 GPA and a degree in science communication and chemistry. After that, I will begin writing and illustrating science themed children’s books. I frequently read the [comments](https://www.askamanager.org/2020/12/update-can-my-husbands-employer-constantly-record-all-the-conversation-in-our-house.html#comment-3214040) on my post to remind myself that internet strangers liked my writing and motherhood doesn’t have to be my entire identity. It is a source of inspiration and motivation to me, so thank you for the virtual support, Alison and co. Cheers from a person who now occasionally enjoys an alcoholic toast! May your year be merry and full of bourbon-fueled bonuses. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

Boss organizes a poker game to determine end-of-year bonuses

EXTERNAL

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16bo54d/boss_organizes_a_poker_game_to_determine/

16bu045

I am not OOP. This story was posted by u/BlindVisionary98, on r/pokemongo. All updates were made on the same post as edits. trigger warnings: >!none!< mood spoilers: >!positive ending!< **---** [Trespassed in all City Parks for playing Pokémon GO](https://www.reddit.com/r/pokemongo/comments/15sb576/trespassed_in_all_city_parks_for_playing_pokémon/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **- Posted on August 15th, 2023.** Story of today: The park is fairly large, and we just loop around getting PokéStops and using incense. The park has a couple of public fields and some private stadiums; however, the stadiums are closed after a certain time. When the stadiums are closed, we usually walk close to the fence to access some PokéStops and gyms on the other side of the fence, but we've never gone to the other side of the fence when they're locked. We saw a raid that we could participate in together, but it had about 10 minutes until it started. So, we decided to walk in circles around the parking lot to incubate eggs while we waited. Then we saw a park security truck pull up and just watch us circling the parking lot. I glanced a couple of times to see if he had a problem, but he never said anything to us. So, we continued walking in circles in the parking lot. We completed the raid, caught the Pokémon, celebrated, and then walked to another cluster of PokéStops. Even though the guy in the truck was watching the whole time, he stopped following us once we left the raid site. After we hit the last large PokéStop cluster, we decided to head back to the car. As we were almost there, we saw a police SUV roll up on us, and we basically told them we were playing Pokémon Go. He tried to call the park security, who then called 911 to let them know that we were fine but still insisted on the trespass. The cops said the park had been dealing with break-ins and that to the park police, we appeared as if we were staking out the places. In the end, we got trespassed, but the police were very relaxed and recommended that we make an appeal to the Parks and Rec Department building tomorrow (which we will). But it was a little heartbreaking since that park was really close to our house and good for Pokémon Go. I thought I'd share this story because it was pretty surprising. Also, the fact that the Park Security wanted to avoid talking to us completely, even when the police were talking to us and they drove right by. **TL;DR:** My girlfriend and I were playing Pokémon Go at a really nice park with lots of gyms and PokéStops. Just as we were leaving, the cops stopped us and ultimately informed us that the City Parks and Rec wanted to ban us from all City Parks in their jurisdiction (around **14 parks**). **---** **Update #1:** Called Parks and Rec department phone attempting to appeal and was giving another number to call. That number didn’t ring on the phone, so I called back and they said they’ve been having problems with the phone I’m given the courts number, had to leave a voicemail **---** **Update #2:** Finally got a hold of public safety (administrators of the trespass) and told me they can’t do anything and that I have to call the park / the person who had me trespassed. So I called and am now waiting for a call back from the park recreations manager **---** **Update #3:** Being ping-ponged by different numbers. Park recreations manager had their assistant speak to me and said I needed to write a letter to the city council in order to get it appealed? Ended up calling a variety of elected council members but mostly got hit with voicemail. Decided to call my district city representative and they forwarded me over to the assistant city manager which is talking with directors of both public safety and parks and recreation and said they’ll get back to my shortly. If all else fails, seems legal action will be the only way to go **---** **Last Update #4:** TLDR; Finally got to speak with the director of the park. It was a misunderstanding overall and the trespass was lifted. What rubbed me the wrong way was that the one who issued a trespass was a part time security guard who reported us “trying to climb a fence” which is just not even remotely true. Director of the park was upset that the security guard didn’t talk to us at all. She mentioned he should’ve felt safe coming up to us. She read to me the report and it never mentioned us circling the same parking lot he was in watching us for 10 min. Report only said we tried to climb a fence and then walked away to another complex?? We never even touched the fences we would walk by. Want to appreciate everyone support whether it be for legal action, courses of action, or talking points. Will be going there tonight to play and hope to encounter that part time security officer :) &#x200B; **---** **Reminding once again: I am not OOP.**

Trespassed in all City Parks for playing Pokémon GO

CONCLUDED

ForeskinSlayer

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16bu045/trespassed_in_all_city_parks_for_playing_pokémon/

16bu3f6

**I am not OOP. OOP is u/Expensive_Page_8666 on r/AmItheAsshole, r/relationship_advice and her profile Trigger Warning: >!Child neglect, parentification!< [WIBTA for telling my sister I won’t attend her wedding because I hate her fiancé?](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/urb9MqEt46) August 26, 2023 Older Sister - “Brooke”, 32 F Fiancé - “Mark”, 32 M Me - no nickname necessary, 25 F Younger Sister - “Jenny”, 22 F My sister, call her Brooke, has been together with Mark since freshman year of high school. As far as I understand it, they did not want to get married initially because Brooke is vehemently child-free, and Mark agrees with her, but they have decided to hold a wedding/commitment ceremony next spring after a lot of years of back and forth. The problem is, I’ve known Mark since I was a kid (he started coming around to the house a lot when he and Brooke were sophomores in high school, so I was eight or so when I first met him as Brooke’s boyfriend, and I have basically hated him the whole time. I’ve tried to be polite, particularly now that we are all adults, but I just don’t want to go to the wedding of my sister and the guy she’s always put before her family. As an example, when Brooke and Mark started dating, Brooke went from eating dinner at home with the rest of us every night to going out two or three times a week with Mark and his friends. This was against our parent’s rules, and caused a lot of arguments that negatively impacted both me and our younger sister Jenny (who was barely in kindergarten at the time and didn’t understand what was going on). Brooke and our parents started fighting basically every night, and it was incredibly disruptive to our home life. My sister went from being my best friend to a stranger, and Mark was the one encouraging it. The stress of those years was so bad that I had to repeat fourth grade (failed math), and I was bullied really badly for that. I stopped going to school looking nice because there was so much tension in the home that no one was paying attention to whether or not I had clean clothes. Jenny also struggled academically and socially but I was able to step in and help her more with things like getting dressed and packing her lunch, so she doesn’t remember those years as negatively as I do. Of course, as soon as Brooke and Mark graduated he convinced her to move across the country to go to college. Our parents were really hurt by this and there were a few years where she didn’t come home over Christmas or summers. Eventually things cooled down when I was in high school and Brooke started making more contact with our family, but Mark would do things like glare at our parents over the dinner table and suddenly declare that it was time for them to go. I don’t think I should have to go to the wedding of my sister and this guy that stole her from us, and I am planning on RSVP-ing “no” when the time comes. Our family has been minimally involved in wedding planning, and I am not in the bridal party or anything like that (they are all friends of Brooke and Mark’s from the hospital where they work). WIBTA? Edit: I am getting a lot of feedback that Brooke was potentially parentified. If anyone has recommendations for podcasts or books about that, I would appreciate it. I think I need to learn more about her experiences before I decide about the wedding, since we did use to be close and it would be unfortunate to lose the relationship entirely (which is what some commenters think will happen if I skip the wedding). Thank you. Edit 2: Please stop attacking my parents. They have their faults but they did not have many resources when we were young. It’s important to me to support them now that they are older and can’t work but I also want to support Brooke and understand better now that I have not been handling this in a mature way. I will be apologizing to her and asking for more of her perspective on things from our childhood. I’m going to stop reading now but I appreciate your help. Thank you. [Comment:](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/HzmpacSN6U) >I think you're being childish and petty over stupid shit. I think it's insane that one of your examples is she wasn't eating at home as often. > > >Frankly you are blaming your sister for shit you aren't entitled to. You failed math. No one else made you do that. > > >Your parents sound just as immature. Why aren't you blaming them for creating a toxic home life? Why aren't you mad at them you had to take care of your younger sister? She's their child! > > >The way you talk it's like you feel ownership over her instead of being an individual. It's weird. > > >It's like grow up and get over it. Jesus. YTA. [Comment:](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/oXfJByHizS) >INFO > > >None of the problems you described were Mark's fault. Brooke started having the usually teen feelings of wanting to be more independent and getting invested in her relationships and that conflicted with your parents' rules. That's not on Mark. You have not described any single action or statement that makes it clear whether Mark is controlling or just objects to your parents trying to control their now adult daughter. > > >So why is your issue specifically with Mark? Or is he just the easy scapegoat for your family not being as comfortably and conflicted-free as when you were a child? > > >>The stress of those years was so bad that I had to repeat fourth grade (failed math), and I was bullied really badly for that. I stopped going to school looking nice because there was so much tension in the home that no one was paying attention to whether or not I had clean clothes. Jenny also struggled academically and socially but I was able to step in and help her more with things like getting dressed and packing her lunch, so she doesn’t remember those years as negatively as I do. > > >These are all things that are your parents' fault, not Mark's fault. Your parents were neglectful. Mark may simply have been invested in getting Brook away from a bad family situation. Verdict: Asshole [How do I apologize to my 25 f older sister 32 f for how parentified she was by our parents?](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/7isaHxqlXN) August 27, 2023 My sister left home after high school and for a long time I blamed her and her boyfriend (now fiancé) for that. I want to learn more about parentification and her experiences growing up because I am starting to understand that our parents were not fair to her and put a lot of unreasonable caregiving responsibilities on her (she did most of the cooking, laundry, and helping me and my younger sister with schoolwork while my parents were busy working long shifts at their jobs). But I do not want to trigger her, and I think this period of her life was probably very difficult. How do I start this conversation with her? What questions should I ask? If there is a good opportunity to apologize, what should I say? Thank you for your help. Edit/Update: I decided to talk to my younger sister first, so I texted her this morning and asked if she could call me to talk about our older parents. She did, and I started off by asking her what she thought about our parents generally, and how they handled the “Brooke and Mark” situation more generally (I’ll use the nicknames from the other post but these aren’t their real names). We had a good conversation, the details of which I won’t share, but the general tone was that yes, my younger sister thinks our parents put way too much responsibility on me and Brooke for raising her, and that she plans to keep firm boundaries with them as she finishes school and starts working. I asked her about the money she sends home and told her that if it was a financial burden on her she should stop, but she said she never sends more than she can afford and that she wants to do it since she does Not want to come home and do the caregiving tasks that I’m doing for them. She also asked me about my plans for the future and I told her that I don’t know but that I eventually want to have the nursing assistant credential and work more hours outside of the home. Apparently she and “Brooke” have also had some conversations about our parents finances and they have a pact that when they die (which hopefully won’t be for a long time) that I can inherit the house solo, even if they are given shares of it in the will, which I appreciate a lot. I now feel more comfortable with what I will want to say/ask Brooke and I think it was a good idea to talk to Jenny first. Jenny told me that Brooke isn’t mad at me and will like to hear from me, which is a big relief. [Comment:](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/F2z8gEW8f8) >I saw your AITA post, and I am glad you come to this conclusion. I have younger siblings too (I am the eldest), and if they come to me, wanting to have a conversation I would be open for that. > > >However, you are correct to assume that you need to be careful in approaching this to her. > > >I do not know about your sister, but if I was in her position, I would be more open if you start it with an apology. Not for your parents, but for your treatment towards her and your FBIL. Tell her that you understand that this might open up old wounds, but if she is willing to talk, you would be happy to be there for her. > > >Keep the door open, but leave the decision to start a conversation on her, when she is ready. > > >I hope you have a better relationship with your sister in the future, and I hope it is not too late. I hope it means you can also be happy for her on her wedding. [Update](https://reddit.com/u/Expensive_Page_8666/s/6gcKMMhvZg) posted on her profile, August 30, 2023 I really appreciate everyone who commented on both posts, thank you for your feedback and help deconstructing the situation. I talked to “Brooke” Tuesday night, after my parents went to bed, and it was really beneficial for both of us, I think. I apologized profusely for how bitter I’ve been over things that happened when we were younger, and for how I’ve treated “Mark” when he’s been such a strong support for her all these years. Brooke accepted the apology for herself and on Mark’s behalf, and also offered to give me Mark’s cell number so we could start to build up more of our own relationship. Brooke also shed some light on more context for those rough teenage years. Like some of you predicted, she did really find solace in Mark from all of the pressure at home, and in particular, the pressure to go to church, dress and act in the way the church demands, and pretend to believe in things she disagrees with. She and my parents would argue over new beliefs she formed from conversations with Mark, including some science-denying opinions that I was surprised to hear my parents used to believe in (at this point, they are much stronger believers in secular medicine, probably due to increased medical issues that they’ve needed to treat, but apparently when Brooke was growing up they only supported homeopathy and natural medicines). She also found it interesting to hear some of my perspective on how our parents have changed as they have gotten older. Since I am their primary caregiver, I have spent more time with them than either Brooke or Jenny, and I have witnessed a lot of positive changes in them over the years. She was also interested in my plans for the future beyond our parents, and was touched that I wanted to try and pursue nursing like her, eventually. I’m going to try and learn more about personal finance, and Brooke is willing to help me by sharing her journey there, and I’m hoping that this will help me save up more of a nest egg for the future. In terms of therapy, I do like my current therapist, who is a licensed social worker, since he has some really useful recommendations for how to take care of my parents while taking care of myself and avoiding burnout, without being creepy about trying to get me to date in our small town. I will also check out text therapy though, since that might be a nice option to give me more contact with the world outside of our very small country community, and this whole exercise has really illuminated the benefits (and the cons, but the benefits outweigh them) of getting an outside perspective on some problems. I think me and Brooke will have a much better relationship moving forward, and I also think going through this process has helped clarify some priorities for me, and that’s incredibly valuable. Thank you all for your help. [Comment:](https://reddit.com/u/Expensive_Page_8666/s/nDXiLA234I) >Not many people make it this far, but congratulations on taking the steps to better yourself. Good luck on pursuing nursing. I hope you will go to the wedding. Reminder: I am not OOP. Do not go to the original posts and comment on them.

WIBTA for telling my sister I won’t attend her wedding because I hate her fiancé?

CONCLUDED

swtogirl

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16bu3f6/wibta_for_telling_my_sister_i_wont_attend_her/

16bvifs

**I am not The OOP, OOP** is u/BotanicalPirate **AITA for not serving meat at my wedding?** **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15wq8zf/aita_for_not_serving_meat_at_my_wedding/) **Aug 20, 2023** My fiancé (26f) and i (26f) are currently planning our wedding and despite us being on a low budget, we somehow are managing to make this wedding work out smoothly. After searching for affordable catering, we found a catering company that would not only have us the option of having people served instead of a buffet style (not that that’s bad, but it just wasn’t what we wanted) but had a whole menu that was entirely vegetarian. I’m talking stuffed portobello mushrooms, stuffed peppers, lentils, scalloped potatoes, quinoa pilaf, bread pudding, and a whole lot of other tasty mains and sides. I am not vegetarian. I do eat fish on occasion, but my fiancé is completely vegetarian. We also have several people coming to our wedding from different cultural backgrounds including my fiancés Jewish father, our Jewish roommate, and Muslim friends of ours, all of whom have never eaten pork. We also have gluten sensitive friends. And most of all, i don’t want my fiancé of all people to have to question the food she is eating on her wedding day, when that’s a problem she struggles with almost every time we go out to eat with friends and family, or go to family functions at other peoples homes. She usually ends up eating chips and guac, or just sides of potatos. She can’t even eat the tortillas my family makes traditionally because it contains lard and that’s “just how wella made them”. i had been keeping my mom included in the planning for our wedding, so today I decided to show her the catering company that we had been thinking of. The first thing she asked was “what about people who aren’t veggie?” And in response I said “people can’t eat veggie for one meal?” And she just got quiet. I again tried to hype up the menu, stating “doesn’t the menu look good though?” And mentioned everything stated above, and she, again, was silent for a good 10 seconds and said that one of the sides just looked good, and moved on. Sometimes it’s hard for me to read my moms emotions, sense she’s not very confrontational, and her mind wanders quite a bit (her words, not mine) so i wasn’t sure if I pissed her off or not. There hasn’t necessarily been any drama surrounding this, but there is already existing drama considering this is a wedding with two brides. And I’m afraid of this decision creating more drama for us to have to deal with. I thought I was being inclusive to everybody by not serving meat at my wedding, but now I’m second guessing myself. Anybody friend I talk to is going to say what i want to hear. So I’m asking Reddit instead. Even better if you eat meat and find yourself in this situation. Would I be the asshole? Edit: i am truly not trying to claim my mother is the asshole. Nor did she say anything necessarily bad. She just asked a question. I merely was second guessing my decision because she said something. I was worried it would become a bigger issue. Edit 2: there is a section on our website that provides people with the option of listing allergies they have so we can plan accordingly. Also, we plan to have the full menu listed on our website, which will also state that it is fully vegetarian. **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **KaliTheBlaze** >NTA, but I’m side-eyeing you a bit for letting your friends and family constantly sideline your fiancée. That dynamic where there’s never food for her is horrible. I would have had some big fights with my family, and refused to come if they weren’t going to make some attempts at including my partner. (As it happens, I’m the one with dietary restrictions, and his family is lovely about it, particularly his aunt who always hosts Christmas.) **OOP replied** >>This is… a fair assumption. I wasn’t able to include more regarding this because of the character limit. Most times we don’t know what Food is offered until we get there. I didn’t even start eating fish up till recently. Before this, i was also vegetarian for years. My family does try, especially my sisters, but my family is big. So they don’t often remember that they need to include exclusively veggie food when most of the meals consist of meaty Mexican and Italian dishes. We’ve eaten veggie for years so it has kind of turned into a losing battle. “Speaking to Brick walls” and all that. Her family does the same, though, it’s usually when we make plans to eat out. That’s why for once i wanted to plan an event for my future wife where she could try everything if she wanted. I didn’t want her to be limited. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15zog1x/update_aita_for_not_serving_meat_at_my_wedding/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2)  **Aug 24, 2023** First off, thank you everyone for your responses! Its not as popular as some of the other threads on this subreddit but I sure wasn't expecting so many people to respond to my post or even see it. This is kind of an update, kind of not. I mostly wanted to make this post to clarify some things from my previous post as well as go over certain decisions I've talked over with my fiancé since posting. Most commenters in the original post seem to think that I am accusing my mom of being the AH in this situation. From my unedited original post I can kinda understand why. But it was genuinely not my intention. I am not angry at my mom. I didn't even think our interaction was bad. Neither does my fiancé. I just stated my interaction with her because she was the first of what I thought would be many similar interactions of people asking why I don't want meat served at my wedding. I saw some comments saying my family was inconsiderate to my fiancé and I'd like to clarify. My mom largely cooks the meals for my families get togethers. So when there are "veggie looking" meals that have ingredients such as lard or gelatin, it isn't because she's trying to be inconsiderate or a dick. When I mentioned her being forgetful I genuinely meant it. She has a medical condition (wont say what) that she has been recently getting regular treatments for. There is no cure for it, and over the past few years it has caused a lot of confusion for her. She used to not be this forgetful, and would regularly try to make us veggie dishes when she knew we were visiting, but because I now eat fish, she sometimes either thinks that this extends to my fiancé, or she forgets that certain ingredients are technically meat products. She tries to make "Wellas tortillas" with crisco instead of lard when she remembers, but she usually unfortunately doesn't. I thought stating our genders at the beginning would be enough indication but if it wasn't clear, we are both women. Yes, my mom loves her and is accepting. Anyone in my family that didn't approve of this was not invited. Since making this we agreed that we should also have a heads up listed on our RSVP's when we send them out instead of just the website. We don't want to assume that all of our guests will be tech savvy enough to find the menu on our website, much less scan the barcode to get to it. We will have a section listed for when they RSVP asking what everyone's food allergies are, if any, and 100% intended to modify the menu as needed. We have not booked this catering yet and they are pretty accommodating to switching up the menu if necessary. I will try to clear up more in the comments if I can. Thanks everyone for reading! Edit: where the hell did I say vegan?? **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for not serving meat at my wedding?

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Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16bvifs/aita_for_not_serving_meat_at_my_wedding/

16c5pfa

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/National_Eye_271 **AITA for calling my boyfriend a lying POS for not buying me the perfume I wanted for my birthday** **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!emotional manipulation!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/gSYoN5KO0A) **Aug 30, 2023** I (21f) am really into beauty (makeup, skincare, perfumes, etc) and collect perfumes. There’s one perfume I’ve been wanting for quite some time now but it’s been way out of my budget. I’m a college student working a part time job at the movie theater which pays about 13 bucks an hour and I have other priorities to pay for so it’s taken a while for me to save up. I’d finally saved up the amount I needed and was planning on buying myself the perfume as a birthday gift (my bday was 2 days ago). I told my boyfriend (20m) this and he told me to go spend my money on something else and he’d buy me the perfume instead. I told him he didn’t have to considering it’s expensive but he insisted. A few days before my birthday I asked him if he was sure about buying it and told him again that I had no problem buying it myself. He told me not to worry about it and said he’d already bought and wrapped it. I thanked him and figured since he’d already bought it that I could spend my money on something else. I took my best friend and my younger sister out to a nice restaurant and to the movies after. I wasted more than half the money I’d saved up but obviously didn’t think anything of it. So on my birthday my boyfriend gave my gift and it was a body spray and bath bomb. I asked him what happened to the perfume and he told me it was a lot more expensive than he’d expected and way out of his budget. I got mad at him and asked him why he lied to me and told me to waste my money on something else when he could have easily told me he couldn’t afford it and I’d have bought it myself. He called me a spoiled brat and said I was expecting too much from him. I called him a piece of lying shit and left after that. I got a few texts from him and his friends calling me names and saying I’m using him for money (??). I also got a text from his mom, who I had a great relationship with, calling me childish for throwing temper tantrums when I don’t get my way. I honestly don’t see how I’m in the wrong here but I’m not the type of person to not say sorry if I am. So aita? Edit: hey everyone! Just wanted to say tysm for the feedback and some birthday wishes!❤️ I’m going over to my boyfriends place in an hour to speak with him and his mom (he lives with his parents) and I’ll probably break up with him. I’ll update u guys later! **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** **RELEVANT COMMENT FROM OOP ON WHY SHE WANTS SOMETHING SHE CANT AFFORD** >Hi, I saw this comment and just wanted to respond. I started collecting perfumes when I was 16. At the time I was living with my parents who paid for all the essentials me and my siblings needed. I did have a job at 16 working at a local ice cream shop but I was able to use all my money on shopping considering I didn’t have any priorities to pay for. Right now I live in a dorm and have to pay for things like books, essentials, groceries, etc. I usually work the closing shift at work around 5 times a week which is a little over 400$ weekly. If I put away 30 dollars every time I get payed I still have enough money to pay for the things I need. It took me almost a year to save up (including money I got from family members on Christmas). This money that I had saved up wasn’t money I needed to pay for important things, this was money I’d saved up over time that was meant to be spent on something I wanted. I’ve payed for everything that needs to be payed for this month and am getting payed next week. I’m very good at saving money and not spending. This was money that was supposed to go towards the perfume, not other more important priorities. I respect ur opinion and am not trying to change ur pov but I just wanted to clear that up and explain. & >I get what ur trying to say, but like said, I’m putting a small amount of money away each month. I make 1,800 a month. I’m taking student loans from my parents (meaning they are paying for my college tuition and when I get my education and a higher paying job I will be paying them back) I use about 1,200$(or less, it depends) to buy things I need. That means I have around 600$ to use and save. If I put away 30$ of those 600 I still have 570$ left. That amount I put in savings and I’m able to invest some of it. So I have a lot more money saved up but I’m using that in case of emergencies or more important things. I could take money out of that and use it to buy the perfume but I don’t want to because the perfume isn’t an emergency and I’m saving that money in case of something important. I’m not saving every penny I don’t need for things I want. I’m not left with 30 dollars at the end of every month. And the part about collecting, I’m collecting it for myself. It’s not about selling them when I need extra money or when I don’t want them anymore. For example, I’d say Jackie Aina collets perfumes. I really like her videos and want a collection like hers when I’m more financially stable and able to provide myself with that. I have all my finances under control and know what I’m doing so u don’t have to worry about that! I’m not saying this to be rude but just wanna clear that up. [Update](https://reddit.com/u/National_Eye_271/s/4v46auX1f7) **Aug 31, 2023** Hi everyone! I just wanna say thank u so much for all the feedback and nice comments! So many of u guys were so sweet and some even offered to help me out financially. U really don’t know how much that means to me ❤️ So I did go to his parents place to clear things up. I sat down with him and told him I didn’t think I could continue the relationship. He started crying and saying he’d save up his money and never lie to me again. I told him that the perfume isn’t the problem and I wouldn’t have cared at all if he’d been honest with me. It’s the fact that he lied then got his friends to call me names and harass me. He said he never did that and showed me their text messages. I did read through them and all he said was that I didn’t like his gift (which isn’t the case). I asked him if he’d deleted messages but he denied. I showed him the messages I got from his friends and he got mad and called them. He basically cursed them out and told them not to talk to me again. He even offered to cut contact with them but I didn’t really know what to say to that. I did apologize for my word’s though cause I did feel like I was being too harsh. I did confront him about his mom and he apologized for that. He admitted to lying to her so she’d take his side. He said he knew that she would take my side if she heard the truth and he already felt shitty enough about lying and making me upset so he didn’t wanna hear it from his mom too. I did get upset at that because he was jeopardizing my relationship with his family just to save face (I wouldn’t even have told his mom so he just involved her for no reason). He apologized and called his mom to his room so her and I could talk. I showed her the messages between him and I and explained what really happened. She apologized over and over again and even offered to give me the amount that I needed. She scolded my boyfriend and he also apologized numerous times. I genuinely believe he’s sorry but I honestly don’t know how to feel. We’ve been dating for 2 years and he’s always been an amazing boyfriend to me. I love him more than anything and I do see a future with him. I just want some time to think about everything though. He did ask me to stay the night and I agreed. He’s sleeping on my chest right now but I’m gonna try to go back to my dorm soon. I know a lot of you guys told me I should end things, I was really considering it but now I’m not sure. I just need time to think this over (I did write this yesterday so sorry if it’s a bit confusing. I’ve stayed off my phone and social media for the better part of today so I didn’t realize that my update didn’t post! Sorry about that. Nothing has really happened today. My boyfriend has sent me a bunch of paragraphs about how he’s sorry and loves me but I haven’t answered yet. I’m not really sure what to do at this point. But that’s pretty much it) **OOP ADDED IN THE COMMENTS** I want to clear a few things up since I saw some people talk about it in the comments on my original post: • I am not ungrateful for the gift he got whatsoever! I have no problem with inexpensive gifts and would have loved it if he hadn’t lied to me. I’d have 0 problem with him telling me it was too expensive and getting me the gift that he got if he hadn’t lied and told me to spend my money elsewhere • I asked him over text if he was sure about getting it and he said yes and even asked me to send the link. I did so I’m assuming he did know about the price tag beforehand. • I do not think going out with my sister and bsf was a waste of money. My first language is Swedish as my parents are from there and we lived there until we moved to America a few years ago. Sometimes I translate sentences in my head and it comes out wrong. In Swedish I would have said “jag slösade mina pengar på att gå ut å äta” which would translate to “I wasted my money on going out to eat”. When me and my friends say that in Swedish it doesn’t come off in an aggressive way and more in a “I spent all my money on xyz” type of way if that makes sense lol. That’s my fault and I’m really sorry if it came out in a rude way. That was not my intention! • Some of u guys were asking what perfume it was and it’s the Baccarat Rouge 540 extrait and it retails for 465$. 5.Some of u were also wondering what body spray he got me and it was the strawberry pound cake from BBW! • I wanna add that I’ve never had a reason not to believe him. He’s never lied to me and isn’t a stingy person. I have no issue with him thinking it’s too expensive. I don’t like him lying and telling me to use the money I’d specifically saved for towards something else. **FINAL EDIT FROM OOP** Edit: You guys were right. I sent him a breakup text a few hours ago and he’s been spamming me. I haven’t been answering and I’m glad I saw that he was manipulating me with his crocodile tears **FINAL COMMENTS FROM OOP** >Thank u💕 ur right and I did end up dumping him. Reading this post back again I cringed at the fact that I didn’t realize his crocodile tears were just a manipulation tactic. I’m gonna focus on myself and my education right now and hopefully will find a man worthy of my time in the future * >Yes, if he’s willing to get his family to dislike me over a stupid argument he’d probably do much worse in the future. I’m proud to say I’m single now and even though it hurts I’ll hopefully thank myself in the future ❤️ thank u so much for all the messages. & >Yeah it was extremely slimy and also scary to think that his tears probably weren’t real and just a way to guilt trip me into staying. I know my worth and don’t want to stay with someone who does anything to hurt me or tarnish my image. I wouldn’t want my little sister to date anyone like that so why should I? I’m single now and ready to focus on me and my studies 🥰 it hurts right now but this is for the best **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for calling my boyfriend a lying POS for not buying me the perfume I wanted for my birthday

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16c5pfa/aita_for_calling_my_boyfriend_a_lying_pos_for_not/

16c5qmy

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ThrowRA7288 **AITA for telling me girlfriend I don't like the person she's turning into?** **Originally posted to** r/AITAH **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Infidelity, emotional abuse!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/165kdpe/aita_for_telling_me_girlfriend_i_dont_like_the/) **Aug 30, 2023** For some background, my girlfriend and I have been together for 5 years and met in college. For the past 4 years things have been great. I've always thought I was the luckiest guy in the world, she's incredibly out of league. About a year ago my girlfriend woke up in the middle of night and had a panic attack. She couldn't breathe and I ended up calling an ambulance. She had no history of panic attacks but was really stressed at work so we think that's what triggered it. She's currently taking time off work, which I absolutely support but refuses medication (the doctor recommended anxiety meds) saying she didn't think medication would help when the panic attack was stress induced. She also doesn't have many friends and I think that could also be a contributing factor. She has been overall happier. Over the last six months however she's been changing a lot about herself and I don't know how to address it. She's dyed her hair an unnatural color, she's started wearing more black/dark blue, she's gotten into heavy metal and rock and she's gone vegan. I've been slowly asking her what's with the new look, new interests and she said she's met a girl online who lives in our city who is into the heavy metal scene and she's taking a liking to it and has made many friends because of it. I was fine with the new interest and friends but I was cautious because it's such a drastic change in a short time. This past Friday while she was meeting up with her friends I asked if I could come along. She said she didn't mind but asked if I was sure since it's not exactly my scene. I honestly just wanted to meet these new friends. We get the to show and I'll admit I was kinda surprised that metal heads are so nice (sorry to all the metal heads reading this). The only person who didn't acknowledge me or talk to me was this one guy about our age. After the show everyone was hanging out and her attention eventually got pulled away from me. She started talk to the one guy who never said hello to me and maybe I missed it earlier but talking to her was the only time I saw him smile the entire night. She also clung too him quite a bit which made me uncomfortable. At around midnight I couldn't find her and I texted her it's getting late we should go. She texted back she wanted to stay and if I wanted to leave she understood. I got angry but just texted back "fine". She came home at 4am completely drunk. I was awake but pretended not to be. Saturday morning I was very distant with her while she nursed a hangover. She eventually asked if I was mad at her and I said yes. I told I'm happy that she's not stressed anymore and meeting friends and finding new interests but she's a completely different person then she was 6 months ago. She argued she's the exact same person but I countered that with the her of 6 months ago would never have told me to go home alone at midnight while she got shit faced with people she barely knows and come crawling home at 4am. She got defensive and we fought, she ended up leaving and saying she was gonna stay with friend for the night. She came home Monday morning and we talked and I told her I'm worried about her and she said she's fine, she's finally in a place where she's happy and I should be happy for her and if it's such a problem then we should take a break. I was shocked that she was so willing to just throw away 5 years and told her as much. She shrugged and said she has to put her happiness first and I asked when her happiness shifted from building a life with me to partying with random people she met, she rolled her eyes and got up to leave. I told her I don't like who she's turning into and she called me as asshole and accused me of not wanting her to be happy outside of our relationship. So AITA? [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1661vmd/update_aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_i_dont_like/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 31, 2023** I realized I never mentioned ages in the last post, we're both 25. The short version is...we broke up. Before I got home from work I texted her and asked her to be home so we could talk. When I got home she wasn't there and I hadd to wait about an hour for her to get home. I asked her plainly if she wanted to break up. She said yes. I asked her why and she told me it's not me, that I've been absolutely wonderful but she's changed and has realized she hasn't been happy for a while and that included within our relationship. I was pretty hurt honestly. I asked her why she never said anything sooner and she said she thinks because she hadn't realized how unhappy she was until she started feeling happy again. I said she still should've come to me about this earlier, she shrugged. I asked her if she's been sleeping with that guy. She said no but she hesitated. I asked why the hesitation, and told her she might as well be honest now that the relationship is over. She said they kissed that night at the aftershow, after I left and made out later but swears it didn't go further. I told her it's still cheating and I wasn't sure if I even believed her. She rolled her eyes and said I asked for honesty and that's what I got, believe it or don't. I told her I want her out and asked her to take whatever she could now and we'd make arrangements for her to get anything she can't take with her now. She didn't even seem sorry that she cheated, or that she threw away a 5 year relationship. Anyway, that's the update. This really sucks. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for telling me girlfriend I don't like the person she's turning into?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16c5qmy/aita_for_telling_me_girlfriend_i_dont_like_the/

16ck92h

**I am not the original poster. Original post by** u/bjornsecular **in** r/RBI. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!Harassment, Sexual Harassment, Obsession!< --- &nbsp; ###[**A former co-worker is using burner numbers to sexually harass my husband and acting obsessive**](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/lssh0n/a_former_coworker_is_using_burner_numbers_to/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Fri, Feb 26, 2021* I know this is long, but really I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this. In late November of last year my husband, “Paul” was tasked with training a new hire named “Frank” who was brought in from outside the company. Paul does not usually lead training, however, Frank’s supervisor was overwhelmed during the last quarter. Frank worked at Paul's office for a little over a month. Frank seemed friendly at first, albeit an excessive texter. Even Paul’s boss (Frank’s future boss’s boss) complained that they received social messages from Frank during non-work hours. Sometimes Frank’s messages would be incoherent, and needier if he did not receive an immediate reply followed by multiple question marks. My husband addressed this with Frank during his training, and for the most part, the messages became infrequent. After Frank was placed at his branch the messages subsided. In early January Paul’s boss asked if he could discuss a work matter with Frank because whose direct report was on vacation. Later that day, Frank sent Paul a message that said “Babe!” Paul thought perhaps Frank had accidentally texted the wrong person. Paul didn’t respond. Frank sent more messages regarding work, and when Paul didn’t immediately reply, Frank made a sexually suggestive comment. Paul responded, “Stop making things weird." Frank apologized, but then added, “you’re hot though.” My husband told him, “you need to stop, this is not a line I want to cross with you.” Frank then said something along the lines of he was available if Paul wanted him. Paul said, “I’m a happily married man,” to which Frank replied, “that’s what all men say.” Paul again told Frank to stop. I had previously met Frank when I visited my husband’s office, Paul has pictures of me on his desk; his sexual orientation and marital status were not ambiguous when Frank sent those messages. Paul told me what happened as soon as he arrived home from work. I said he should screenshot the messages and report them to HR. However, Paul felt so uncomfortable with the messages, he deleted them. Paul assumed Frank was drunk and once of clear mind, he would be embarrassed and forget that it happened. Over the next few days, Paul received between 2 – 3 messages daily from Frank. They were about work, however, towards the end of the week Frank became apologetic and told Paul he had hoped they could still be friends. Paul has only briefly known this person, has never hung out with him outside the office, nor has he engaged in social texts. Paul has not answered any of Frank’s messages since the first time he told him to stop. A couple of things occurred to me over the next week: - A week after Frank was placed at his new branch, Paul received messages from an iCloud account. They said, “Hey sexy,” and when Paul didn’t reply, they were followed by “?.” Paul immediately blocked the account assuming it was a scammer. In the last few months, Paul received frequent texts from unknown numbers with local area codes that addressed him by name. Paul thought they were all from Robo-scams. I realized that this started to around the time Frank began his training. - When I visited my husband’s office, Frank he barely acknowledged me when we were introduced. That night I joked with my husband that during my visit Frank was like a shadow and seemed to appear every time I turned around. After a week of unanswered texts, Frank again apologized and asked if Paul would call him. He had called Paul's office earlier to see if he was there. Subsequently, Paul contacted his assistant managers/co-workers and asked them not to share his schedule with anyone who calls. Frank messaged that he would stop texting and was sorry if he bothered Paul. Later in the night, Paul started to receive messages from an unknown number with a local area code. The first message said, “Hey, remember me?” I *67 the number from my phone to see if it was a computer or actual phone line. When I called, it rang twice and then went to voicemail The person never stated their name, and the texts were incoherent. The texter asked, “Are you trying to end my career?” They claimed to be a former employee and then said they previously dated Paul. We have been together for two decades and I’m the only person Paul has ever dated. The messages continuously baited Paul to call the number to find out who was texting him. Finally, they said, “You used to be sweet.” Paul didn’t block the number immediately because he wanted to see if the person would incriminate themselves. Paul received 20+ messages throughout the night. He never responded to any of them and the number is now blocked. He paid a small fee to look up the number and found that it belongs to Onvoy. The person used a VoIP to text. Paul tried to look up a VoIP registry online. Paul reported the anonymous number to the FTC with the text logs. He took screenshots of all the undeleted messages between him and Paul and the anonymous number. Paul also called local law enforcement. He knew they wouldn’t be able to do anything because no direct threat was made. They told him to keep the number blocked. Paul paid service to retrieve the texts he deleted that came directly from Frank’s number but it was unsuccessful. iCloud back-up was not activated. The next week at work one of Paul’s assistant managers approached him. They follow Frank on Facebook and were alarmed by his posts. The day after Paul received the texts from an unknown number, Frank made similar posts online, and added, “With me, you’re either ride or die or dead.” Paul compiled all the information he had and shared it with his boss and company HR. Over the next few weeks, Paul continued to receive texts from Frank. Sometimes one a week, or once every other week. After a month-long investigation, HR touched base that their legal department found several red flags, however, they can’t disclose info because of confidentiality. Nor were they going to fire Frank. Paul has been away on business for the past two weeks and I have been home alone. Paul told me he received texts from Frank that asked how his business trip was going. Just to reiterate, Paul hasn’t responded to Frank’s messages since he told him to stop, which was over a month ago. Last night I saw I had several missed calls from Paul around midnight. When I called him back I could tell he was worried. Same as before he started to receive texts from a (different) number with a local area code. They said, “I miss you, why do you hate me?” The number called him consecutively for an hour. Paul had to turn on the do not disturb option. The following text messages he received were sexually explicit and some referenced me. For the most part, I feel safe at home. We have a PO Box and an unlisted street address. There are exterior and interior cameras at all of the entry points around our home. Also, our neighborhood has 24 hr. security. However, I’m worried sick every time Paul leaves the house. We’ve wanted to start a family for a very long time but have struggled with infertility. Unfortunately this past month I suffered another miscarriage. This person has added unnecessary stress to our lives. Last night I was shaking and could not sleep. Any advice on how to find out where the texts are coming from, or how to handle harassment would be much appreciated. Paul and I already discussed going to the police once he returns home. ####EDIT More info - We were definitely frustrated with HR’s response. My husband was told legal would review all of the information he shared. He spoke to them on the phone several times, hour-long conversations. They asked if he felt safe and he said frankly, no. Things escalated in such a short period. They took certain precautions i.e. he was never in the building alone, he didn't work past sunset, he parked towards the front, and security made sure cameras are facing the parking lot. They seemed supportive at first. However, the investigation took a month and they told my husband there wasn’t enough to fire Frank. The HR rep did say she was surprised by legal’s resources, she didn't realize how much they have access to, and that they found several red flags. But they are unable to share what they found, or when/if Frank would be disciplined. Everything was treated like it was supposed to go back to normal even though it doesn’t seem like it was discussed with Frank nor did it stop. I used hyphens for "Paul" and "Frank" because I tried to leave out identifying info. I slipped up when typing and at one point used Frank's real name which I corrected. I doubt he would find this post but this whole situation has me exercising precaution. &nbsp; ###[**UPDATE: A former co-worker is using burner numbers to sexually harass my husband and acting obsessive**](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/lt4d45/update_a_former_coworker_is_using_burner_numbers/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *11 hours later* Thank you to everyone who took the time to read my original post and offer suggestions and support. I have received a lot of helpful advice and I’m so appreciative. There were a few details I left out because of length but I tried to answer them in the comments. My husband is still away on his business trip but will be returning home tonight. Paul does plan to get a new phone number once he returns home. We discussed filing for an order of protection. One source of comfort is that we have a PO Box and our street address (we rent) is not available online. With a restraining order, we would have to disclose our address. We're weighing the pros and cons. My husband and I spoke this morning and he filled me in on a few new details. His boss called him last night after he sent her screenshots of the texts from the VoIP. They have a great working relationship and she disclosed a few things that she wasn’t necessarily supposed to share. Legal was not able to link the VoIP texts and calls to Frank. There have been two separate numbers (that we know of) that have been used to harass my husband. Paul used Spokeo to look up the information and both numbers are owned by the company Onvoy. My husband’s boss suggested that next time he receives a phone call from the VoIP number to answer and record the conversation. I don’t know if he should do that. If anyone knows how to search VoIP numbers so we can connect them to Frank that would be a huge help. After Frank was placed at his new office last December, he has repeatedly asked to transfer back to my husband’s branch. Paul is well-regarded within his company and next in line for a promotion. During Frank’s training, he would often make comments about how alike they were. Paul thought Frank was referring to their similar background in business, however, I searched online and Frank might have lied about some of his previous work experience. Physically, personality-wise, and familial background they are very different. I don’t think the harassment is just based on attraction. There have been several messages where Frank calls my husband his “friend and mentor,” which is bizarre because they only worked together for five weeks. There were a few comments about Paul deleting the initial texts from Frank. I was also frustrated by his decision but I understand why. Paul had a rough childhood and his first instinct is to avoid conflict. The texts made him feel so uncomfortable he didn’t want to open his messages and see them. He had hoped that they could forget what had happened, however, the situation escalated. To be clear, those were the only inappropriate texts sent directly from Frank’s number. His subsequent messages say things like, “Hey, haven’t heard from you in a while.” “Hey, how’s it going?” The texts from VoIP are explicit. There are similarities in verbiage and format from Frank's texts, Facebook posts, and the VoIP texts. I did do some research on Frank. I searched our state’s court dockets and found that he was arrested for a DUI a month before he started work at the company. Paul's boss had previously complained that Frank was repeatedly messaging her about when his background check would be completed when he was hired. She thought it was suspicious but nothing was flagged. At one point during training, Frank texted a co-worker from a random number. The co-worker asked if it was an alternative contact and Frank explained that it was his SmartWatch. When everything happened I tried to find as much info as possible. When I Googled his primary number nothing came up. However, the co-worker shared the “SmartWatch number" which is listed online as Frank’s primary contact for the past two decades. It also shows several numbers attached to Frank’s name and it is noted next to one of them that it is a VoIP. There were previous addresses linked to Frank’s phone number. According to one address, a “Frank L Smith” and a “Frank L Miller” lived at the same residence with the same people. I looked up both of those names and they have different birthdates within a few years of each other. I was curious because Frank had told my husband he was divorced and I thought perhaps he had changed his last name. “Frank L Smith” had the same birthdate as the court docket I found. The biggest thing my husband’s boss told him was Frank recently asked for an out-of-state transfer which is currently being processed but not certain. Paul has mixed feelings about this; he first felt relieved but then frustrated that the company's approach was to make Frank someone else’s problem. And it doesn't guarantee that it will stop. &nbsp; ###[OOP made an update in the comments](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16ck92h/a_former_coworker_is_using_burner_numbers_to/jzon280/) Oh wow, I read this sub all the time but never thought one of my posts would be on it. I don't want to go back through and read my original post. I don't remember everything I included. When this all happened, I had undiagnosed hyperthyroidism. Elevated thyroid hormones can make anxiety symptoms more pronounced if you're unfamiliar with the disorder. I was experiencing heart palpitations, hand tremors, and uncontrollable shaking—if you Google hyperthyroid symptoms, I checked every box. It also caused issues with infertility. I subsequently went on an anti-thyroid medication, and the following fall, we became pregnant. I had a healthy pregnancy, and we now have a beautiful 13-month-old daughter who loves cuddles and exploring the world around her. I changed specific identifiable details in my original post. For one, my husband and the creep's names, and two, I was vague about their workplace. I was frustrated at the time with my husband—" D"—and it caused disagreements. I was upset with him and his company for offering limited resources. But I support my husband and his decisions—I didn't want him to blame himself for the harassment or deleting the texts. D was acting politically toward the entire situation, which I hated. The big picture was D knew that he was under review for advancement that offered substantial raises and benefits.  D works for a popular national retailer, and with a promotion, he would move out of store level into corporate. I think this drew "the creep" to my husband in the first place because D was receiving a lot of positive attention (before the creep's arrival). At the time, I did my research into the creep. He is a job jumper—a bit of a Tom Ripley without the charm or attractiveness. He polished up his LinkedIn. For instance, he listed his hire date with the retailer when all the stores were closed during lockdown.  Shortly after this happened, the creep was fired anyway for time theft. A month after he was let go, he texted my husband through a VoIP. He truly believed that D still didn't know it was him. Because the creep was no longer an employee, my husband didn't have to operate above board and ripped him apart. It gave the creep the attention he wanted, so after that, D didn't block his number and just ignored his messages. The creep moved a few states away and started a new job. Around three months later, D got "No Caller ID" calls repeated for five minutes straight. But no more texts. This happened every three months for about a year. I discovered later that an app can unmask no-caller IDs. D downloaded the app on his phone, and whenever he received those calls, it would come up with the creep's full name. D has a running log. We've talked about taking that info to a lawyer for a restraining order, but eventually, the phone calls became further in between. My husband received them in April 2022, and then December 2022 was the last time. I think the creep calls when he is drunk and sad and wants to feel powerful. Some needed clarification as to why my husband didn't want to change his number. D has had the same phone number since he was 16. He has a brother who struggles with addiction and sometimes goes missing. His brother has my husband's phone number memorized and can always contact him wherever he is. My husband now has a company phone, so when he received the no-caller IDs from the creep, he turned off his personal phone. I understand the sentiment about getting a lawyer and HR protecting the company's assets. We weren't naïve to corporate culture. D often has to partner with HR for customer or associate issues. But I also see the other side that my husband loves his job and the company he works for. A year after all of this happened, he was promoted, and we moved to another part of the country where our daughter was born. We were able to buy our first home, and his pay allows me to work part-time from home while I take care of our daughter. I think about what happened occasionally, but it’s no longer a constant. It has influenced how I interact with new people. I'm more aware of what I share with others, especially regarding our child. Looking back, what upsets me the most is some people's preconceived notions or attitudes toward the situation. Insinuating that my husband led this man on, was naïve, or even received his promotion as a payoff, diminishing everything D's worked so hard to achieve. I see cases every day where people are harassed through VoIPs, and similar to what happened with us, law enforcement is of no help until the situation escalates.  I had a thyroidectomy early this summer to remove two tumors from my thyroid, and I no longer have to take medication. However, my hormones have been out of whack, especially being postpartum on top of it. I've had to deal with some additional health issues. But revisiting this situation reminds me how much we've already overcome and that I can handle anything.  &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

A former co-worker is using burner numbers to sexually harass my husband and acting obsessive

INCONCLUSIVE

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16ck92h/a_former_coworker_is_using_burner_numbers_to/

16ck9n5

**I am not the original poster. Original post by** u/babymorticia **in** r/confessions. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!drug addiction, overdose, death, references to self-harm and suicidal thoughts, muscle deterioration, methadone treatment!< mood spoilers: >!intense and harrowing, fear, regret, and realization, commitment, hopefulness and determination!< --- &nbsp; ###[**I died for 10 minutes last night and I’m addicted to heroin. I said it.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/j3849d/i_died_for_10_minutes_last_night_and_im_addicted/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Thu, Oct 01, 2020* Last night I overdosed on heroin. Straight up and to the point. My fiancé saved my life. It is something that has made me never want to use again. I hadn’t eaten or slept in 3 days. I used way over my limit on an empty stomach. It started off with me losing the ability to read. I couldn’t type in words or read my phone screen. I was trying to hear “one more song” apparently and he noticed I couldn’t put any cognitive thoughts together. This is when it went black for me and I had to be told what happened next. I lost the ability to speak. My mouth was agape and I began to lose color. I wasn’t moving. He asked me to take a shower. Apparently I mumbled the word “carry” and he did, swiftly. He turned on the shower and I immediately went unconscious on the floor of his bathroom. I had stopped breathing completely. He started CPR on me. My heart was barely there. And then my heart stopped. I was gone. He said I was white. My eyes were rolled back into my head completely. My limbs were limp. I was a corpse. For ten fucking minutes. My fiancé is a recovering addict and we’ve slipped as of lately, so we have Narcan in the house. After calling the hotline, I was given 4 tubes of Narcan. And I remember all of a sudden gasping for air being slapped across the face while my boy was begging me to come back. Asking me to “say something”, “say anything, please.” Immediately I was apologizing. Sobbing. Shaking. I was hot and cold and sick. I was just pissed off because I wasn’t high. I had no idea I was just dead. I had just died in his arms and I was mad because I wasn’t high anymore. All I did the next few hours was cry. My levels were up and down and I didn’t sleep again through the night. I am a dead girl walking today. And it’s terrifying. It’s scary. And it’s the most eye opening experience I’ve ever had in my life. I can’t tell my parents. I have to hide it from friends, everyone around me because of my status as a public health figure. I am scared. I am getting this shit off my chest. ***Comments*** >**imregrettingthis** > >*Did your fiancé get you into heroin?* > >>**OOP** >> >>*No, he did not. Circumstances can seem to make it look that way.* &nbsp; ###[**UPDATE: I died for 10 minutes last night and I’m addicted to heroin.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/j4bkxr/update_2_days_ago_i_posted_confessing_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Sat, Oct 03, 2020* 2 days ago I posted confessing my temporary death and addiction to heroin to strangers having no idea it would blow up the way it did. This is my response: Hello family. Throughout the day I kept getting notification after notification. People were upvoting, commenting and sharing their stories. The thing that kept ringing in my head most to me was that I had been given a second chance. I died. I had overdosed on heroin. But I had been given a second chance. There was a lot of painful things to digest as well. I see myself as a very positive person, and reading things such as “you should've used a bullet, less messy” and “you’ll never be a productive member of society” also stuck with me a bit. These things were somehow not as powerful as the hundreds of people telling me that I was strong and able to get well. I read about people losing husbands. People losing children. People losing their friends. The worst ones to read were about people losing themselves. People out there had lost the people closest to them and they were willing to type out paragraphs about how important I was. A stranger on the internet with narcan burnt veins. This morning I went to the methadone clinic and spoke with a physician. I have been set up with a schedule of local meetings in my community. I emailed my therapist for the first time in months. I called my mother and father and told them the entire situation. I printed out the post with all of the comments and have it taped above my bed. While yes I am a public health professional, and my clients do deal with issues, it’s time for me to take care of my own. I help people grieve- but I am not ready for people to grieve me. I have been given a second chance and I’m not going to fucking blow it. Thank you Reddit. You’re golden. &nbsp; ###[**Weird Muscle tightness?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Methadone/comments/m93msy/weird_muscle_tightness/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **Submitted to** r/Methadone *Sat, Mar 20, 2021* Hey guys! I’m currently tapering off 65mg at 1mg a week. I am having the weirdest side effect. Super tight rigid muscles. I use topical muscle cream. Every type possible. (Icy hot, tiger balm, cbd balm, therworx) A muscle roller. Acupuncture mats. Even a chiropractor massage gun. Seen a chiropractor. Nothing helps. I’m just so tight. This all started with the methadone. I’m ready to get off. I am confident I will never use again. But what I am more ready to be done with is this muscle shit. Has anyone dealt with this? It’s like the feeling that everything needs to be popped. Ice can sometimes relieve pain. But I just want to be normal again. And feel less like big muscle knot. Anyone? I’m trying next week to maybe see if I can get some gabapentin from my pysch due to this maybe being due to anxiety. But ah! This sucks! I’m just hoping someone has dealt with this. &nbsp; ###[**Methadone has ruined my life/Why I’ve become a case study at the hospital and clinic/tapering**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Methadone/comments/mep5lu/methadone_has_ruined_my_lifewhy_ive_become_a_case/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **Submitted to** r/Methadone *Sun, Mar 28, 2021* So, A few weeks ago I posted about severe muscle pain. I also had issues with urination and breathing. Anxiety that popped up that was worse than my anxiety before the done. This intensified and got to the point where I was hospitalized, and given numerous blood and heart tests. The final solution by doctors? Get off the methadone. As soon as possible. Apparently my body has an adverse reaction to the medicine that In which it actually causes me pain instead of taking it away. As an opiate, this is super confusing. I don’t understand, the doctors or clinics don’t understand, and I’m becoming a “Case study” at both places. I’ve spoken with the head doctor at the clinic, my blood work shows the muscle damage. Muscle deterioration. I am no athlete, runner or Olympian. This was cause for severe alarm and I was tested for several diseases and insufficiency me. This in my body is caused by the methadone as well. I’m such a rare ass random case. Where I’m not being helped, I’m hurting. It’s my first weekend of takehomes. I’ve been at the clinic for around a month and a half, now at 50mg after being dropped from 65 on Wednesday. There’s a lack of negative literature of methadone treatment and hopefully my case will be able to help people learn. It’s unbearable pain. Pain that began the minute I started methadone. All signs and symptoms are pinpointed to the first week of use. Not taking the methadone today? I am close to myself again. I can move. I can walk around. I am smiling. I can have relations with my fiancé again without agonizing pain and crying. I’m tapering down 10mg a week. So hopefully this nightmare will be done then. I have been given clonodine and liporodam for my stomach (sorry about spelling agh) I’ve only had symptoms of muscle pain. That’s it. But unfortunately, methadone has done something to my body that makes all of my muscles seize up to the point of pain. There’s a light in my eyes when I’m off it. My clinic offered me the chance to jump off at 60 (I don’t want PAWS and I’m not an idiot) so I plan on tapering all the way down. But I just wanted to vent/ share this here. I know nobodies probably ever dealt with this. But I am going to taper all the way down. I’m not jumping. I’m doing this the safe way. I am confident I am done with drugs. This has proven enough to me it’s not worth it. This pain is not something I can do forever. I need my life back. Hopefully due to me not being on it long, my body won’t be in as much WD pain as other, but I’m ready to fight that for freedom to be me again. Thanks for reading my medical phenomenon post. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

I died for 10 minutes last night and I’m addicted to heroin.

INCONCLUSIVE

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16ck9n5/i_died_for_10_minutes_last_night_and_im_addicted/

16ckack

**I am not the original poster. Original post by** u/The_lucky_dumb_one **in** r/AmItheAsshole. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >! None specifically... but there are emotional discussions related to academic achievements and family dynamics.!< mood spoilers: >!uncertainty and guilt, sadness, reflection, resolution and closure!< --- &nbsp; ###[**AITA for going to my sister’s dream school when she just got rejected?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b84xxt/aita_for_going_to_my_sisters_dream_school_when/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Mon, April 01, 2019* So, I got into Cornell last week. Honestly I think it was fluke. I’m not smart, at all. I got a 28 ACT, a decent GPA (because my school grade inflates considerably). I had some decent extracurriculars but nothing remotely competitive enough to get me to a school like Cornell. But anyways... My twin sister is the opposite of me. She’s a GENIUS, she has way more impressive stats (34 ACT and she only took it once, compared to my 3 times), she has way better grades, way cooler extracurriculars. Everyone always looked up to her as the smart one. I didn’t and still don’t mind, it’s true. The only reason I can fathom I got in and she didn’t is that she applied to the engineering college while I applied to Arts and Sciences (I don’t know if too many of you guys are familiar with Cornell, but they have a bunch of different colleges you can apply to, each with their different admission criteria). Well last week, decisions for ivies came out. Unfortunately for my sister, she didn’t get into a single one, including her first choice (Cornell). She checked as SOON as it was available and called me bawling. I consoled her and told her everything was going to be okay, that who cares what school you go to, that she was brilliant and was going to be successful no matter where she goes. Well anyways, I pretty much resolved that I was getting rejected, so I didn’t even bother to look at my email until later that night. Well, I guess surprises do happen sometime, because I’m a Cornellian. I got in. I just don’t know how but I did. I really want to go guys. But this would devastate my sister. All week she’s been crying and solemn and sad. She’s been angry at her friends who got into top schools (especially the ones with lower stats). She’s decided to go to NYU, but she just hasn’t been herself. I haven’t told our parents (I think they assumed I didn’t get in because she didn’t). Am I being selfish? Should I just go with her to NYU? We always thought we were going to school together but like... it’s Cornell. I couldn’t in a million years imagine I’d get in. I’ve been researching obsessively about it and I can’t shake the desire that if I don’t go, I’ll regret it. Ithaca looks beautiful, it’s a small town (which I would LOVE to get away with from the huge city that is New York). It seems like a dream opportunity. Am I being a bad sister? I KNOW she would be upset; we were supposed to go to school together. It would crush her. I really don’t have anyone else to talk to :(. AITA for going to her dream school? Especially considering how much harder she’s worked compared to me... **TL;DR:** Dumb sister (me) gets into Cornell. Smart sister didn’t. She’s depressed. It was her first choice. I want to go tho. AITA? ***Judgement: Not the A-hole*** &nbsp; ####UPDATE *Added to original post* So everyone here told me that I should go, so I decided to tell my sister. Well, she started screaming from excitement and got (not actually) mad that how couldn’t I tell her earlier and she’s so proud of me But seconds later, her excitement just turned to....sadness. She went from like super giddy to depressed in like seconds,, and she started bawling. Like uncontrollably bawling. I tried to comfort but she pushed me away and locked herself in our room... I going to give her some alone time right now and we can talk more about it later. &nbsp; ####UPDATE 2 *Added to original post* Please let me know if my updates are annoying; I only expected 3-4 comments and didn’t know so many people were interested, so I thought the least I could do is update So after 5 mins of the previous post, my sister sent me a text. It said: **"** *I’m sorry for how I reacted; please don’t be mad. I’m so happy for you and your accomplishments. It’s just that after I got rejected, I at least had the consolation that I get to go to school with you and we can go together. But now you’re going to be where I wanted to be and I’m just so sad. I worked so hard and did everything I could to go to the best school I can and I just feel like all my hard work was just wasted effort. I’m sorry I’m ranting I just need more time* **"** I’m not going to lie guys, when I read this, I cried. A lot of you are saying that I obviously I have to have attributes that made me desirable but I really don’t. I don’t deserve my acceptance. I did my homework between classes, barely studied for anything, took the easiest AP classes available, etc. Meanwhile I see my sister always taking the hardest classes, studying as hard as she can, always volunteering. She deserves it, not me, and seeing her so hurt pains me. I’m really strongly just considering going to NYU with her. Everyone at Cornell will just be just like her and I don’t stand a chance. And I know if I go to Cornell, we’re going to drift apart which would suck because we’re best friends and I just don’t want to lose my sister :( &nbsp; ####UPDATE 3 *Added to original post* So I told my parents and they did NOT react how I would've expected them to. First, they tried to insist that Cornell made a mistake between our applications (which would be IMPOSSIBLE; if we applied to the same school within Cornell, like we both applied to Arts and Sciences, then it would be somewhat probable, but we applied to different schools with different admission committees. They couldn't have mixed them up). Then they went on to explain how I should go to NYU with my sister. I thought it was strange, because they definitely would've supported my sister going to Cornell if I didn't get in. My sister apparently thought so too, because she asked why would I not go to Cornell, and they said how it was unfair that I basically slacked off in high school and was able to go, when my sister was the hardworking one who busted her ass all of school. I don't know if I'm being dramatic, but that hurt. I knew they always thought my sister was the smarter one (they've made it clear multiple times), but to hear them say that I don't deserve my spot sucks. Even though they're probably right. I stood there in silence, but my sister stood up for me. She asked them how could they say something so cruel to their daughter, that I 100% have every right to be there, and that they should apologize for being so rude. My parents were SHOCKED because we're both very passive people, and neither of us ever talked to them like that before. This started an argument and long story short, we're currently in our rooms. I'm just so thankful to have her stand up for me. I realize that I have internalized a lot of the comments they've made over the years. I'm glad I have my sister actually believe in me. I still don't know if I want to go to NYU or Cornell, mostly because I just don't want to go to school without her. She's my best friend, and going 4 years without someone who just thinks so positively about you just seems so long. At the end of the day, I ALWAYS thought the NYU was going to be the school I was going to, so I wouldn't lose much by choosing it over Cornell. I'm going to talk about it more with my sister and look into both schools more. Thanks again everybody for your comments; I wouldn't have realize how important of a person my sister is if you guys didn't give me the courage to tell her that I got in. **Update 3.5** No new news but I just wanted to say that I'm reading every single comment and I apologize if I don't get to you individually and I appreciate everyone's overwhelming support! You guys are amazing :) &nbsp; ###[**UPDATE: AITA for going to my sister’s dream school when she just got rejected?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ca82iu/update_aita_for_going_to_my_sisters_dream_school/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Sun, July 07, 2019* First off, THANK YOU everybody for your overwhelming support. I had thousands of messages in my inbox giving me advice, offering prospective, etc. After my last mini-update, I eventually got overwhelmed with messages, but if I missed your message, please don’t hesitate to DM again! So later that day, my parents actually came to me and apologized for everything. I know everyone in the last post really hated them, but my parents are really good people. They have flaws, but all humans do. It’s not like they spent their free time brutalizing me; they knew I was smart and even encouraged me to apply to schools like Cornell. They just automatically assumed my sister would get in especially versus me (which, if you look at our scores, I can’t say they should be blamed). Nevertheless, they realized that they were being jerks and they apologized for making me feel like I’m not as capable as my sister. That they were shocked, but it was no excuse for what they said or how they made me feel and they love me and apologize for what they said. Anyways for the moment you’ve all been waiting for I decided that I want to go to Cornell! It was such a tough choice and wasn’t made without serious consideration, but ultimately, I’ll be happier in Ithaca. Plus, my sister is going to try to transfer after our freshmen year (if she still wants to go; she may find that she loves NYU after all that time). Whatever she decides, I have no doubt she will be extremely successful. Plus, it’ll be good to spend some time apart from each other and grow as people. NYC is only a short bus ride away, so we can definitely see each other during holidays and breaks. I want to thank everyone again for their overwhelmingly positive support. I know I couldn’t have made my decision without each and every one of your messages! I’m sorry if this update is as exciting as many others tend to be, but I hope it gave the few interested people some closure :) [Finally, to the trolls who are saying this is fake](https://imgur.com/a/zQwutjO) **TL;DR:** I’m going to Cornell! &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

AITA for going to my sister’s dream school when she just got rejected?

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16ckack/aita_for_going_to_my_sisters_dream_school_when/

16cmxrg

I am not OP; that would be u/throwraalerting **Trigger Warning**: >!homophobia!< **Mood Spoiler**: >!frustrating!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/162cq55/myf21_fianc%C3%A9sm22_parents_are_making_his_sister/): **August 26th, 2023** The reason I'm making this is because my fiancé's and I need help with a situation on 9/3 that recently came to our attention. My fiancé's parents are extremely religious, but they've been worse to his sister (fifteen) than him. When he was growing up, they didn't force him to attend like her, and he admits that he was a golden child. He would miss church/youth because of sports, and their relationship was fine when he moved out because they weren't as strict on him. He was allowed to work and have secular friends, and they didn't make him do purity like she did. But we were recently made aware of something that will make us rescind their invitation before cutting them out of our lives, but we want to ask for advice before doing that His dad made a Facebook rant about how he discovered his sister being gay due to parental controls showing search history, and he also ranted about the importance of them as such. He also said he spoke to someone at church and that she probably will too. However, on 9/3, she's going to be prayed over during service, and we're worried about her/how it seems she's being made to apologize, and we want to ask if there's anything we can do (the church is fairly big with over a thousand). We're going to uninvite anyone who attends that Sunday in agreement with her parents, but the wedding isn't our priority right now. Is there anything we can do to help her out of this situation while we still have a connection with her parents? We'd especially appreciate to hear from anyone who might've been in similar situations with unacceptable parents edit: *we live in New York, and the church where his sister is being forced to receive prayer at/apologize is on Long Island, NY* *We're trying to see if we can see her sometime next week before 9/3 as school is out, and we're on good terms with her parents as of now. We live in New York too, but a few hours away from them* *We want to talk to her in-person due to the parental controls on her advice that started this whole mess when her father outed her on Facebook, and we've taken her shopping in the past without her parents, so that's the angle we're thinking of if we can see her* *We're debating what to do if we see her and she says she doesn't want to be present on that Sunday and if that would be enough to have her stay with us through Sunday without legal issues, and we know that that would burn a bridge with her parents too. Her safety/mental health is more important, but we're considering if doing that would hurt our chances of potentially taking her in before she turns 18 if it comes down to the courts* [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/166t37f/update_myf21_fianc%C3%A9sm22_parents_are_making_his/): **August 31st, 2023** My fiance was able to call his dad shortly after my first post, and he asked if we'd be able to come up and see them this week. He didn't get into a confrontation on the phone because we figured that would hurt our chances of seeing her (or risk being cut off for disagreeing, thus why we haven't recinded their wedding invitations or anything hasty). He asked if we could come to attend church with them on Sunday in light of the post, and he said we could come on Saturday and spend the night along with doing something on Saturday afternoon. So as of right now, we plan to drive up on Saturday morning (we live a few hours away), and we talked to one of our friends for advice that we're close with about what to do once we're there, but we're hoping to find some more advice because we're debating some ideas for Saturday, and we're open to any suggestions we get The reason we asked if we could go to church with them was because of an idea I had, but I want to ask about it here. My fiance asked if we could take her shopping when we go, and we've taken her shopping in the past without her parents. If she states that she doesn't feel comfortable with what her parents are making her do at church, would that be enough to drive her somewhere else like a hotel or back to our place to avoid it if she wants? Or would that interfere with any chances of being able to legally take her in before she's eighteen? Some people commented that she should be old enough to not go to church/anywhere if she doesn't want to, but would her parents have grounds to accuse us of kidnapping and take her back? That's where we're at so far, and we're considering a lawyer too and have looked up some this week that we're considering reaching out to. I'm also going to share this on a legal sub, but we're open to any advice we can get and especially from anyone who's been through something similar edit: we just received advice on r/legaladvice that answered our questions in regards to our ideas, and we will not be taking her to our home or anywhere due to legal concerns. We're still planning to visit to see how she is and are considering reaching out to an LGBTQ organization for support as some commenters suggested, and this is the advice we received: [https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/166txp5/comment/jylw69m/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/166txp5/comment/jylw69m/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ (Notable Comments) >(geophagus): "Depending on the parents, taking the girl “shopping” instead of church when it’s a 15 year old could be considered kidnapping or something similar" &#x200B; >(dada7912): "Unfortunately there is not much can be done the world is very much backwards when it comes to the rights of kids vs parents. In reality she has a little over 2 years to play the fool and pretend to be someone she isn't and she'll need her brothers and your support as a result. Don't expect her to have any relationship with her parents in three years time" **Some people offered different advice advising OOP that they had grounds to try and remove her from the situation** >(sloanautomatic): "I don’t see any reason why you can’t let her stay at your place until grandpa has had a chance to cool off. This is not kidnapping in the US. The long term is really less important in sone ways….This week, she needs to not be around him. Your spouse can go to the church that day in her place. She has the legal right to emancipate herself, but it sounds to me like dad needs time. Ten years from now he’ll be beaming and bragging about the grandbabies she and her wife have on the way. If grandpa is going to do something rash like disown her, etc… Then this would save a lot of time, and she could skip all the trauma he’s got planned for her" &#x200B; >(jamey1138): "In most US states, teenagers can choose to live with adult siblings without any legal issues arising. Every state has a basic requirement, under Federal law, to provide a free public education to any resident of the state, so if she moves in with you she can absolutely enroll in your local school district as soon as the day she moves. Not sure what would be stopping her from moving in with you literally today, if you really want her to come move in. (No judgement, here, either: family situations like this are hella complicated, regardless of the legal landscape. I’m just saying, the law isn’t the complicated part" **OOP's edit at the bottom of his update seemed to indicate that they plan to still come up to see her, but not risk kidnapping as that could destroy their ability to remain in her life**

My(f21) fiancé's(m22) parents outed their daughter(f15) on Facebook and are making her receive prayer/apologize during church

ONGOING

ThrowRA3837374

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16cmxrg/myf21_fiancésm22_parents_outed_their_daughterf15/

16cp2zq

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Educational-Law-226 **in** r/AITAH trigger warnings: >!childhood bullying, possible repressed trauma!< mood spoilers: >!positive!<   [**AITAH for telling my friend that being settled for isn’t the worst thing in the world?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15sact1/aitah_for_telling_my_friend_that_being_settled/) **- 16th August 2023** My friend Anna and I were talking about her dating life. Anna is an incredibly beautiful woman and she could have her pick of men. She broke up with her boyfriend because she was out of his league and he knew it. He would act in insecure ways. Anna stated that she didn’t want to settle for someone less than the best. She asked me why would anyone settle and brought up my marriage as a positive example of love. I told her that my husband settled for me and he wasn’t attracted to me and we still had a happy marriage. Being settled for isn’t the worst thing in the world. My husband Allan and I are happily married high school sweethearts. He was heavily bullied in middle and high school. When I moved into his hometown in sophomore year, I stood up for him. By the end of senior year, he had friends and he asked me to prom. 10 years later, we are happily married. However, I know that my husband doesn’t find me attractive. I’m naturally taller and more muscular than the average woman. It’s a huge insecurity of mine. A year after we married, my husband drunkenly confessed that he didn’t find me attractive (he prefers petite women with delicate facial features) but he was grateful for what I did and felt obliged to thank me. Which is why he asked me out to prom, why we dated throughout college, why he proposed. He still loved me very much but wasn’t attracted to me. The next morning he was hungover and had forgotten his confession. He doesn’t drink much because he doesn’t have a filter and tells the unvarnished truth. I felt crushed but our marriage was very good otherwise. I never told him what he said that night. He was a great husband. I don’t think most men are attracted to the way I look anyways. I explained this all to Anna and she was grateful for the advice. That night, Allan started crying. He was crying silently but I woke up. I hugged him and asked what was wrong and he admitted he overheard our conversation. I didn’t expect him to overhear since I was in the basement but he heard his name and decided to listen in. I apologized for hurting his feelings but it just made him sob harder. I don’t know what I did wrong/if I did anything wrong? AITA? Edit: I wasn’t advising Anna to settle. She would never be happy settling for someone. I just told her that settling isn’t the worst thing in the world and my marriage is one of settlement. My husband settled for me and we’re happy. My advice was to stay true to herself and her beliefs. If she’s not happy, then the relationship can’t move forward.   **Comments** *I don't think you are the asshole in this absolutely not in anyway. But I am curious if your husband ended up talking to you about it?* >No, we haven’t really gotten around to it. He’s been down for the past few days and any time I’ve tried to gently prod him, he started crying and I comforted him. I’ve decided to leave it alone until he feels comfortable to talk but I feel guilty in case I did something wrong to hurt him that deeply &#x200B; *NTA but you need to talk to your husband about this. Either he is really struggling with guilt about his confession or is really triggering with unhappiness in the relationship, and either way you two need to talk about it. Also whew you are a saint for dealing with that confession so gracefully.* >I have tried to talk to him about what he overheard. He has just started crying, sometimes even sobbing, and I just comforted him. I didn’t want to hurt him more so I’ve left the topic alone for now until he can tell me how he feels. > >I don’t think he’s unhappy in our relationship but you never know. > >I wish I was a saint. It would probably hurt less but I love my husband and didn’t want to hurt him by bringing up his confession ever. &#x200B; *It sounds like he thinks you think you settled for a guy who doesn’t find you attractive. Like he broke both your hearts.* >I didn’t settle for him. I’m lucky to be in this relationship at all &#x200B; *No, i hope you don’t believe that.. what I’m saying is is that maybe that is the reason for his his tears. I do think you are both need to have a loving convo. I meant what I said about him feeling like he broke both of your hearts because I would have felt that way. Both devastated to have said it and devastated that the person I loved would have heard it, you know.* >I hope that’s not why he’s crying. > >I’ve long since moved past it. In fact, since I was young I didn’t think that there would be people who would be attracted to me. So, it hurt many years back but even then I wasn’t shocked, probably because I had already gotten used to the idea of no one being attracted to me. > >I’m grateful my husband loves me and I’ve told him that. &#x200B; *I would be kind of worried that he’s been considering separation…. You should really look into scheduling some couples therapy to mediate what’s going on here… regardless, him being this upset warrants him seeing a professional outside of the relationship that he can confide in. I’m very sorry OP* >If he’s considering separation I’d be heartbroken but I’d have to support him. He doesn’t deserve to be in a marriage where he isn’t happy and if he wants someone he is attracted to, he has to leave me. > >I’ll let him know that it’s okay if he wants to separate and bring up couples therapy. &#x200B; **Overall Judgement - NTA** [**(Update) AITAH for telling my friend being settled for isn’t the worst thing in the world?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16301fu/update_aitah_for_telling_my_friend_being_settled/) **- 27th August 2023** Hello, I’m back with a short update. I got a lot of messages on my post and it was a bit overwhelming. I want to say I am a people pleaser not just for my husband but for my friends and family too. I want them to be happy. I love my husband and want the best for him. We are very monogamous and I value fidelity. We had sessions of couples therapy and he now has a personal therapist. It was surprisingly easy to find someone that suited us but I did pay a lot of money for our sessions but they left me feeling baffled. Our counselor was a no nonsense but comforting older woman. We went through our life, how he was bullied, how we met, how we married, our careers. I told her about how he had drunkenly told me he wasn’t attracted to me but that didn’t matter because we loved each other and I don’t know what made him upset. She asked us honestly if we wouldn’t be happier as best friends but married to other people. Allan adamantly said no. She brought up affection, sex life, those things. We told her we had an active sex life with a couple quirks and we’re very affectionate, etc. which she focused on. She basically said someone is lying at some point because you can’t have all of those thing together. She asked Allan to walk through his attraction and he snapped and said he didn’t want to talk of having disgusting/bad thoughts about me. It was a very long conversation after and I’m still confused but essentially he thought that anyone sexualizing or having those kinds of thoughts about me was bad, especially other people. He loved me for me. It wasn’t even about me being his wife, or me being a woman, or those common things. He thought anyone who had thoughts about me was bad and I should be protected from them. Allan told the counselor that I was too soft and gentle and pure to think that there are bad thoughts about me and bad people. I’ve never heard that before from anyone. I told our counselor nothing bad has happened to me. I was worried if Allan had trauma in his past that made him wary of others since he had been bullied so viciously in school but he said that I was thinking of him again and I should think about myself. He said I still didn’t realize that the world is scary for me. The counselor asked about any guilt he felt about attraction and he broke down. A couple of years ago, I had intensive surgery and Allan helped me with everything, even eating, showering, and getting around. He confessed that when he helped me with bathing or dressing me, he accidentally looked more than he should and he could feel that I was starting to realize he was having those thoughts about me and shut down. I don’t really remember that but he’s my husband. I didn’t and don’t mind if he looks. He talked about how much he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. My counselor said I have grown up to think of others wants and desires above my own and I do have people pleasing tendencies but on the whole I’m pretty mentally healthy. I got a few booklets and packets to fill out. My husband was told he needed intensive therapy as soon as possible. He had his first session a few days ago. I don’t know where this is going or what happened to make him think the way he does. He didn’t grow up in a religious environment. His parents are very affectionate and have a strong marriage. I still love and support my husband. &#x200B; **Comments** *Oh wow! This is NOT how I expected the update to go but it makes so much sense.* *I thought YOU would have had the serious trauma and that's where the people pleasing tendencies come from. Turns out that doesn't have anything below it and your husband has the serious trauma. I'm glad he is getting help, and it sounds to me like he said that because he was projecting his own shame for being SO attracted to you. I hope that he has significant healing from his trauma, and that you can start to heal your self esteem now that you know that none of this was a reflection of you at all.* >I have no real trauma. I get up happy, healthy, and well loved. I’ve always been a people minded person. I’ve taken care of my siblings as the oldest daughter but that was because I wanted to, not because my parents forced me to. Because I was taller and looked older than the other children, I’ve alway been treated as older and more mature than my age. It was what confused me about my husbands comments on me being more innocent and basically more naive than others and how worried he was about me. No one has ever said that about me. &#x200B; >I don’t know where my husband’s trauma comes from but we’ll work through it together. I know he will heal and we’ll be stronger. &#x200B; *Wow. Hubby feels guilty for being attracted to you while he was your caregiver. He doesn't realize many men would leave if wife were sick. I hope he finds why he feels like this.* >He feels that it’s bad or evil for anyone to have those thoughts about me. I don’t know why. &#x200B; >Allan was wonderful during my recovery. I never felt uncomfortable at all. I know many husbands that wouldn’t care for their wives like he did. I don’t know why he feels guilty. He said he was supposed to take care of me but subconsciously had those bad thoughts and looked more than he should. But I don’t know why any thoughts of being attracted to my body as my husband are bad to him. He’s my husband. &#x200B; *Wow. Your husband is pretty much worshipping you to the point that he views that to desire you sexually is a sin. In other words, he is basically marrying his Virgin Mary so no one could taint her image. So in his beliefs, you have to be out of his league, because there is no way for him to reach his goddess. Yes he does need therapy, this is not how the marriage work. You love him and he loves you, but he is about to place you on the altar and to sing his rosary. That is not healthy.* &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Husband overhears OOP telling her friend that settling isn't the worst thing in the world.

ONGOING

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16cp2zq/husband_overhears_oop_telling_her_friend_that/

16cry35

**I am not the original poster. OP is** [**u/WillLifeGetEasier**](https://www.reddit.com/user/WillLifeGetEasier) **and was posted to** [**r/motherinlawsfromhell**](https://www.reddit.com/r/motherinlawsfromhell)**,** [**r/relationship\_advice**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice)**, and OP's profile.** This post is heavy, so I'm sharing fascinating facts about crows and ravens because I have a newfound affinity for the little buggers. I had a family I was getting friendly with this year, and they were recently chased off by hawks teaching their younglings how to hunt. I miss them. 1. Older crows help parents raise their young. 2. When a crow dies, its neighbors may have a funeral. 3. Proportionally, some crows have bigger brains than we do. 4. Crows can recognize your face and hold a grudge. 5. Crows understand impulse control (unlike me.) . . **Trigger Warning:** >!mention of miscarriage, bleeding, emotional abuse, attempted suicide, depression, and death of parent.!< **Mood Spoilers:** >!This is a hard read. It's heavy, infuriating, and depressing. OOP is in a dark place, so if you're feeling a little dark yourself, best skip this one. !< **March 23, 2021 -** [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/motherinlawsfromhell/comments/mba9ds/she_wants_the_baby_to_call_her_mom/)**: She wants the baby to call HER mom** My mother in law (57F) told me she wants my (25F) unborn child to call her mom. Her reasoning, "I am more important to my son than you. There's only one thing you can give him that I can't." She also insists that she can have a baby too if she wanted, I'm not "special" for being pregnant. This makes no sense to me, but she's batshit crazy to me at this point. She genuinely believes that I stole her son from her and don't deserve to have my own child refer to me as mom. Please help, I'm going crazy. \*\*\*\*\*\*\* **March 28, 2021 -** [**Original Post:**](https://www.reddit.com/r/motherinlawsfromhell/comments/mezvkq/update_my_mil_has_won_tw/) **My MIL has won** I posted previously about my MIL competing with me now that I'm pregnant and suggesting she could have a baby herself, she said the only thing I can offer my husband that she can't is children. We've been married for almost 4 years now. I would have responded to your comments and advice but my life fell apart. Trigger warning ahead. She has officially won. I was at 14 weeks and had a very bad fall where I landed on my on my belly. She put her stuff all over our living room floor to store it here for some reason and I tripped on the mess. I began miscarrying 20 minutes later. She was here when it happened and knew it was happening. I was texting, calling, crying.. yelling from the bathroom to get his attention. He came in, saw that I had blood overflowing from my shorts and said he urgently needed to help his mom. He left. I went through the brunt of miscarriage myself, I held the remains in my hands. I begged him over text to come to the bathroom and help me. To hold me.. to go through this with me. He finally came in a half hour later and saw the blood everywhere, I'm anemic and couldn't stand anymore. He made a comment about how it was going to be a lot to clean up. So I tossed off my clothes, climbed into the shower, and bled there. I asked him to buy me large pads and said I'd clean the mess. He came back half an hour later with the pads and kept explaining that his mom needed him. They knew I was miscarrying but she needed help moving things and it was "urgent." She was outside when I cleaned up the bathroom and went to the kitchen for food. I was weak and struggling. She didn't make eye contact with me or talk to me at all. Probably because she knew she had won. She took my husband away from me during the most traumatic point of my life.. and he went WILLINGLY. I feel so lost. He spent the night at his mom's house and left me alone. He isn't back yet. I've been alone with his kids from a different relationship (who he only gets to see one 3-day-weekend a month). He hasn't texted me and I haven't reached out either. I don't know why I wasn't important to him, why the miscarriage wasn't urgent, why he didn't want to hold me. Why he won't come home. I'm so lost and alone and my heart is broken. She's probably celebrating while I'm mourning. \*\*\*\*\*\*\* **April 5, 2021 -** [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/motherinlawsfromhell/comments/mkjok6/update_on_my_situation/)**: Update on my situation** I've posted a few times, you can see my post history. I'm eternally grateful for all of your advice and emotional support during the hardest moments of my life. You've kept me strong enough to write you this update: I ended up discharged from the hospital after 24 hours and he still wasn't home. I confided in my family and they booked me a ticket home. They were horrified that this had happened, and a little hurt that I didn't reach out when it was happening for help (I don't know why it didn't occur to me). I packed my things and flew to them. He still hadn't responded to my texts, voicemails, or calls so I left him a handwritten note. A few days after being with my family, I get a loooooong text from him. He said that he had to stay with his mother for the entire week after I had miscarried in our home (basically because of her) because... and get this folks... ***she*** felt triggered by my miscarriage and needed his emotional support. He argued that she needed him as she and his father are divorced. During this time, he didn't want to bring me up to further cause her distress so he went no contact with me for a week. He said he thought I was strong enough to wait for him. He thinks I've overreacted by flying home, he wants me to come home. I took your advice folks, I prepared for his shitty excuse and didn't let him manipulate me. I called and told him that when his mother had miscarried after he was born, she had her own husband to comfort her. While **my** husband left me alone and ignored me for a whole week. I told him everything you guys mentioned: it was medical neglect during a crisis, child abandonment of his own kids (my stepkids) who were supposed to be under his care, and abandonment. I could have died and was very weak when I had checked in to the hospital, I was even weak when I left. I told him I needed space to heal. I was finally getting emotional support from my family and am in a safe place. I'm not ready to see him. He said that he is her only son, he had to help her. I reminded him that **HE** was **MY** only husband and I needed him. The miscarriage was happening to me, not her. He asked me if "we were still good." Absolutely not, I was blunt and told him I didn't see our relationship repairing after what he did. His actions will haunt me for years, I cry myself to sleep every night. I miss my baby and marriage, both of them died the same day. I haven't filed, but I plan on filing for divorce when I'm ready for it. He is upset, he cried and told me I was being overly emotional because of the loss. That I wasn't in my right mind and said he'd fly out to see me and bring me home. I put my parents on the phone and let them chew him out. I don't know what they said, but he hasn't called since. He's texted a few times but I haven't responded. I know it isn't a happy update, but I wanted everyone to know that I'm safe now. MIL can keep her son. She hasn't contacted me at all since this all happened and it's been a blessing. I've heard from mutual friends that she is blasting me to everyone over social media, but I'm going to stay out of it for my own peace of mind. Thank you so much for caring about me and taking the time to reply and send messages with support. \*\*\*\*\*\*\* **May 19, 2021 -** [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/user/WillLifeGetEasier/comments/ngjyp3/an_update/)**: An update** I see that a lot of people have followed so I figured I'd update my situation. My parents told him off when he first called and told him not to contact me again. He has since sent me lots of texts and voicemails.. They alternate between reminding me of good memories, blaming me for what happened, being angry at me for not taking him back/responding, and apologizing. I feel bad dragging my parents in the first time, so I haven't told them about these messages. I haven't responded but have read every text and heard every voicemail. I can't bring myself to block him. He's posted on social media saying he misses me and is waiting for me to come home, the post insinuates a LDR and not that we aren't together. A week ago, a neighbor (this is my childhood home) recognized him waiting outside our home and called the police. He left before they came. It made me so anxious and afraid, I am always worried that he'll be outside and peak through my window to make sure he's not.. but I honestly do miss him and am still dealing with heartbreak. I loved him with all of my being and it's taking time to come to terms with what transpired and how he treated me. It's brought up memories of other times he wasn't kind or considerate, other instances where he put others (mostly his mom) before me. I realize I was brushing off a lot of red flags. His ex has reached out a few times, the kids had a visit with their dad and it was unusual for me to not be there. I didn't respond. His mom has never reached out to me, which makes me happy and angry. Personally, life has been tough. I see pregnant women and cry, I still have my pregnancy app and it updates me on the fruit size of the baby each week and little facts. I can't bring myself to delete it, I'm so anxious about the due date I had and how it's approaching.. I have covered all the mirrors in my space, I hate seeing how flat my stomach is. I hate seeing my stomach at all. I feel like I failed to protect my baby. What if I hadn't tripped? It's been very hard for me to let go of this baby. I'm in therapy and my therapist is kind and patient, she has suggested that I think of ways I want to honor this child. She said it's healthy to not want to forget and move on, but I need to find a way to honor her and keep her memory alive that doesn't consume me. I definitely think she's right and have been looking at tattoo ideas and jewelry I can have made. My dad has a lawyer ready to help me with the divorce process but I haven't filed. My mom cares a lot and keeps trying to suggest old childhood friends or her friend's sons for me to "talk to" and get my mind off things. I don't think I could ever be in a relationship again. I feel numb and broken and like a huge piece of me is missing. I have been working for the past 2 weeks and am planning on moving out, I feel like I'm burdening my parents with my problems. They fuss over me and are sometimes over the top sensitive (my brother was watching a movie where a character was giving birth and they made him turn it off even though I wasn't in the room). I don't want to disrupt their lives and I feel so bad that they have to comfort me. I don't want to be hugged or constantly checked in on, I'm not trying to be ungrateful I just feel like it all doesn't help. The random tight hug and "are you okay" are constant reminders of what happened. I'm trying to keep going, I'm trying to do my best but I feel so empty and unhappy. Sometimes I wish I had bled to death in that bathroom. Sometimes I wish I had left the blood and left him before he had the chance to abandon me. So many regrets and scenarios play out in my mind. I often feel my mind heavy with dark thoughts and think I'd be better off dead. It's tough but I'm going to try to keep moving. My heart just eels so heavy all the time. I know it's not much of an update, but this is where I am. \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\* **July 14, 2021 -** [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ojy5lb/how_do_you_stop_loving_someone/)**: How do you stop loving someone?** I (25F) am at a loss, the person I love was horrible and hurtful to me. I have not seen him or talked to him in months but for some reason I can't stop feeling hurt, I think of him and my heart breaks all over again. I'm so ashamed to admit it, but I still love him. A part of me even misses him. I don't want to love him anymore but I can't turn this off. How do you stop loving someone and completely let go? Any tips/advice would be greatly appreciated. \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\* **November 11, 2021 -** [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/user/WillLifeGetEasier/comments/qrfzwv/a_ramble_of_an_update/)**: A ramble of an update** It's been a few months since my last update. I know I should've done better.. I got a job, I went to therapy, I talked things out with my parents, I got my own place. I was working really hard. Somehow loneliness set in, my ex said he was grieving and in shock. Things didn't pan out properly because he couldn't comprehend what was happening at the moment. He reacted poorly and regrets it. He said I left him grieving alone and chose to suffer alone too. It struck a chord. So I decided to see him, he looked like a wreck. I felt like crying though when I saw him, he said it was proof that I missed and loved him. We talked a lot, called more often. Texts throughout the day. He wants me to move back in. He wants to try repairing the relationship. I never got around to filing for the divorce, I didn't feel ready for it. My family kept encouraging me and sometimes I felt worked up for it, but I could never just go along with it. I don't know why I'm even talking to him, my parents will be disappointed if they found out. I miss him, I tried really hard to stop loving him and to think about something else. I followed some of the advice when I asked for help. I tried meeting people, I didn't feel a connection with anyone. Moving on is easier said than done. A big part of me wants to go back, wants to be safe and happy with him. Wants to believe things can be saved. I don't want to be alone, I also don't hate him. But I know his mom will be there, I know he messed up big time. I'm just so confused. My head and heart are saying different things. In therapy, I feel like I want to prove that I'm healed and strong and doing okay.. I kind of numb myself and say what I think will make the therapist happy, "Do I have nightmares? Not anymore!" Same with my parents, they want to see me socialize and smile more, "you got it!" But I can't fool myself.. I am so sad and I don't want to deal with any of it. I can't successfully avoid it either. I'm staying away from alcohol, I don't want to go down any dark paths. But I wish all the time that I got a do over, I came across a time machine, I didn't fall. I wish I got to have my baby. It broke my heart when my baby's due date came and then passed. No cute maternity pictures, no baby bump, no sweet baby in my arms, no beautiful cries of life. Maybe that's what has me flipped around. I feel so lost, I feel stuck. I can't get what I want, I can't move on. I thought I was making progress and I know I was a fraud the entire time. So many of you have offered a safe space for me to talk, but I don't know why I can't do it. I don't want to deal with any of it, it hurts too much. I want to be okay, I want to be me again. Maybe if I'm with him, I'll find myself again. I lost more than my baby that day. \*\*\*\*\*\*\* **July 15, 2022 -** [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/user/WillLifeGetEasier/comments/vzkdux/tw_depression/)**: TW Depression** I haven't been on in a very long time. I'm sorry. I lost my mom, she had a brain aneurysm in her sleep. We didn't see it coming. I thought I had so much more time with her, I thought I'd open up to her eventually and she'd be there for me. I didn't consider that she could be gone. Life has been dark, my family has fallen apart. She was the pillar. I attempted and failed at taking my life. My dad didn't seem to care, he has an empty look to him. I had to receive inpatient care, they let me out after a few weeks. I lost my job. I just feel numb. I don't know who I am, or what I'm doing. Or if I'm worthy of anything good. If I deserve love or peace. If the lump in my throat will go away, I want to cry but can't. I thought the next time I'd post here, it was finally going to be a success story. That your anonymous support would pay off. I get email notifications every month, new followers and new messages. I couldn't bring myself to show my face here, to put out this update. Everything is dark. I feel so alone and lost. I can't talk to anyone, I just push them away. \*\*\*\*\*\*\* ***REMINDER - I am not OP. Marking as Inconclusive as OOP hasn't posted in over a year.***

OOP's MIL has won

INCONCLUSIVE

BooBeans71

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16cry35/oops_mil_has_won/

16ctuau

Fun Fact To Cover Spoilers: The longest film ever made, if experimental indie films are considered, is titled *Logistics* or *Logistics Art Project.* It is 51,420 minutes which is 857 hours or 35 days and 17 hours. According the wiki, the film is about "They conceived the idea to follow the production cycle of a pedometer in reverse chronological order from end sales back to its origin and manufacture." Content Warnings: >!Anger Issues, Mentions Of Violence!< Mood Spoilers: >!Inconclusive, Hopeful!< *Please note, this has been posted on this sub before by* u/mcgriff4hall*. The original flair was "inconclusive". I am not the OOP, that would be* u/ThrowRADanceDanceTas *-* [**My parents are kicking me (18/M) out by months end. My Step Dad is claiming I've done nothing with my life and have no direction.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/pknxgn/comment/hc5cytk/?context=3) **(Originally posted September 8th, 2021)** Parents divorced at an early age. My Step dad was strict but, he was a good father. I'm the oldest child. Due to Covid I didn't go to College this year. I skipped it and rightfully so as I have health issues. I'm taking classes online. I don't work and haven't for at least 2 weeks. I left my job at gamestop after they stopped giving me hours and weren't promoting me. My Step Dad came in while i was finishing up course work. He told me I had two weeks to get out or he was forcing me out. I asked him why and he says I have no direction, no goal, I'm doing nothing with my life. I'm 18 you can't seriously expect me to figure my life out. But, he disagrees and claims yes, I should have a good idea what I want. He says that a parents job is done after I turn 18. All I do is play video games. I don't have girls over, no friends (were in a pandemic. I only go out to work. Fuck off) I'm wasting away inside when I should be doing more. I told him I was looking for a better full time job that had a good career path and I was taking online classes. I even offered to pay rent. He said no. From his POV i'm wasting away and he won't allow me to become a loser. Adversity brings innovation and strength and life will be hard but, he knows I will look back and thank him. I don't know what else to do. I feel like he thinks I'm worthless. I spent a lot of time inside last year for good reasons. We are in a pandemic. I don't want to die. Am I being unreasonable? My Dad says yes, yes I am. I don't know what to do. This isn't really just. My Mom mostly goes along with what he says but, idk, how can I convince her to convince him to let me stay? Or is my Dad justified? I am a loser for not having any plans past 18? \- Relevant Comments *The comments in general are supportive of OOP and are offering advice, both on how to survive on his own as well as how to handle this with his parents. I have included OOPs comments and, if still available, the comments he was responding to. In general, those heavily critical of OOP were downvoted.* \- *In response to a now deleted comment* OOP: You sound like an asshole. Go figure. "Your parents have zero obligation to support you" Just dump'em and hope for the best at 18? I won't take care of you when you're old by that logic. "u failed to consider them and just presumed that you could stay there indefinitely without even talking with them. Then you didn’t go to college. Then you quit your job. Speaking as a parent, that’s what set your dad off." You didn't read. I went to Online classes. I guess this pandemic doesn't exist to you. Does it? I forget you morons always act as if the pandemic isn't real. "Your reasons for avoiding college and quitting your job don’t sound particularly strong" You're a moron. Go figure. A pandemic isn't enough? I'd rather not get sick and die. I've already had a friend die. Don't know why that's not a good reason. "without another job to replace it, just sounds entitled." You don't read do you? I left because I was going nowhere and getting no hours. I'll give you no job lined up but, fuck off I made a mistake. I didn't realize. it was my first job. Not everyone is perfect like you. I wanted something more. More hours. Not 8-12 hours a week. That's non-sense. I was only making barely anything. It was my first job. You're a fucking asshole. \- >You're probably making yourself look a little better in this interaction, and fair enough. By your own description this is in character for your SD and he's likely trying to help you and motivate you. If I had to guess he's probably tried to give you advice and direction, but is maybe thinking you just want the free ride. Don't give up hope, if they have been good to you this far, work with them to find your path. Life can be so much easier not doing it alone with your families support and resources of time, money, and experience. Put aside your video games and see if they want to spend more time together where you can discuss these things naturally and let them feel like they're a part of your life and you value their opinions. Just some thoughts to see if anything rings true. OOP: I mean I got advice: work harder and never settle for less. I was tired of so little hours at gamestop. I begged, I busted my ass and got no reward. No thanks, nothing but more hour cuts. \- >So... he says all you do is play video games. How close is this to the truth? You eventually need to become a productive member of society who is financially self sufficient. Your parents should reinforce that. You should be working or else training for a job/getting educated. Or both. You just quit a job with no better job to move into - bad idea. Are you spending 40 hours a week looking for another one? If not, start doing this now (60 hours a week if you are in danger of being kicked out). Generally, the rule is, don't quit a job until you have a better one. It is OK if you don't know what you want to train for at 18. In that case, work minimum wage jobs until you figure it out. Then take classes to get that job. if you can afford it,, go to college.. A satisfying high wage job with great promotions is not going to fall in your lap. See ifmyou can get a job and stay at home. Trying to live independently is no joke. living in a shelter will get everything you have stolen, even your shoes. Don't go there. OOP: It is true. In my defense it's miserable. I'm not used to being indoors but, this pandemic has made everything so bad. My area is just horrible. I'm just deathly afraid to really risk my life in this pandemic. I risked my life working at Gamestop and now I have the vaccine so I'm not as afraid. But, yeah, I have underlining health issues and I'm afraid of getting Covid-19. I guess that makes me a failure. I realize I should risk my life to make money. \- >When you say “dad” near the end, do you mean bio dad or step dad? I would hope your bio dad would not agree with your stepdad. Not because of any “conflict” between them but because you’re his son & no one should be treating his son in such a disgusting manner. Where is your mom in this? Tell your stepdad to fuck off, he’s not your father. Is the house the one you lived in before your parents divorced? So then it’s your mom’s house first of all. Unless stepdad has his name on it. But still, I’d tell him you lived there first, he should find another house to live. That is YOUR HOME. I’m 28. I moved out when I was 27 after I got married (different circumstances for me though… my husband is in the army & was gone for a while so I lived at home rather than move all over the country & waste money). But even now, my mom says I can come back & live with her whenever… because it’s my HOME. It’s one thing to kick someone out after months or years of them not showing initiative… but you are. Online classes is doing something. Hell, I can’t even attend in person classes right now, they aren’t offering it. You’ve only not had a job for 2 weeks… not months. Your stepdad is an asshole. He’s being completely unreasonable. OOP: Step. My bio parents broke up when I was young. Bio Dad had a new job oppurnity in Ireland (he actually is from Ireland and has family near Dublin which is where he was going). My Mom refused to uproot her entire life to move across the world. They divorced. I see my dad every year. My Parents are still on good terms and my step dad and bio dad are friends. No step mom. Bio dad is married to his job. But, the house is my Step Dad and Moms home. They bought it together. \- [**Update: My parents are kicking me (18/M) out by months end. My Step Dad is claiming I've done nothing with my life and have no direction.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/pnh50u/update_my_parents_are_kicking_me_18m_out_by/) **September 13th, 2021** I lied. ok. I'm sorry reddit. I admit i lied. I know the reason and always have. it's the same reason my parents divorced. My anger issues. It's the reason why I quit my job. I got angry and stormed out without really being a mature adult about it. My Parents see the writing on the wall and see it's only getting worse. I confronted my Mom and after a shouting match she came up to my room and tearfully told me "This is why we want you gone. You can't control your anger and it scares us". I fly off the handle at the slightest provocation. When I play games I get super game rage and destroy things. I do have a habit of breaking things and self harm. Step Dad told me they'll let me stay if I get help and prove I can control my anger. He thinks maybe if I have direction or goals I can manage my anger. But, I have to prove I can. Until I do I have to get out. They're afraid of me. They're afraid of my anger and they dont know what else to do. They've tried talking to me before, they can't afford therapy they just hoped it'd go away. But, it hasnt and frankly its getting much worse. I don't disagree. I exploded in rage on someone last thread. I got so mad I broke my keyboard in rage. Over what? A comment I didn't like. Don't even ask what I did when they initially told me I was being kicked out. But, yeah, I have anger issues and I don't know how to control them. I'm sorry for the deception. I just didn't want to admit I have anger problems. I still see myself as innocent. I know deep down I messed up but, my emotions say otherwise. \- *I wish OOP the best and hope he's able to get help.*

My parents are kicking me (18/M) out by months end. My Step Dad is claiming I've done nothing with my life and have no direction.

REPOST

boru_posts

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16ctuau/my_parents_are_kicking_me_18m_out_by_months_end/

16cugpw

Originally posted by u/st23mv in r/AITAH on Aug 20, '23 updated on Aug 22, '23, and Aug 26, '23. Some of the comments are long so I have marked each new post with a 🔷️ if you wanna skip the comments. EC activities is Extra Curricular (sports, clubs, etc) T20 School refers to the top universities in the US (Harvard, Duke, etc) OP has since posted in other subs indicating that he has received an award for being the top student in his grade, has a perfect GPA, and is in AP classes. He takes his academic studies very seriously. Trigger Warning >!parental neglect, custody issues, blended family issues!< Mood Spoiler >!infuriating!< &nbsp; **[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15wre32/aitah_for_insisting_on_living_with_my_dad_to/)** Aug 20, '23 &nbsp; **AITAH for insisting on living with my dad to attend a better school?** I'm 15M, living with my mom since she and my dad divorced. My dad just got married to a woman with two sons (13 and 8 years old) and they all moved into her house. ​ Where I'm currently living with my mom isn't great, especially compared to where my dad lives now. Even the schools there are much better. My school doesn't send students to T20 while this other school sends students to 20, so it is a huge difference. ​ I talked to my mom about it, and she thought it might be a good idea for me to live with my dad for the sake of the better school. So, I brought up the idea to my dad. ​ He told me he needed to think about it and would get back to me. After a few days, he told me it wasn't possible. ​ Naturally, I asked him why, and he explained that their house only has three bedrooms (theirs and one for each of his sons). He said this is a new phase in their lives and they need time to adjust to living together. He also mentioned that my stepbrothers and I haven't spent much time together, so there's a chance of conflicts arising. He thinks I should get to know my stepbrothers better before making a big change that could disrupt the family dynamics. ​ I didn't agree with his answer, though. I told him I'd be totally fine sharing a room with my 13-year-old stepbrother, and we've never had any issues when we've hung out. I also pointed out that saying no to this opportunity could seriously affect my college plans, given that the school in that area is much better. I explained that I spend a lot of time at school studying or in EC activities, so I'll not impact a lot in family dynamics. I'm very obedient and I'll do all chores that they need at house. I'll spend the weekends at my mom house. ​ But he stuck to his decision. ​ I really want to move-in, so I reached out to my grandparents and uncles to talk to my dad. They had a chat with him, and he called me afterward, pretty angry. He said I should've accepted his first answer and now the whole family is against him, thinking he's not acting correctly. ​ AITA? &nbsp; *In the comments:* *Note; OP posted an identical post in r/AmItheAsshole [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15whh0f/comment/jx209ry/) and this first comment is from that post* >the issue is he moved into her house. You may have no problem sharing a bedroom with your step brother, but maybe he does. It's his room. *A few people have this argument. OP points out a [similar post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15ne57c/update_aita_for_not_allowing_my_stepson12m_to/) where everyone found the step mom at fault and thought the step son should move in:* **AITA for not allowing my stepson(12M) to live with us** *There really a few people who think he's being selfish but the overall judgment is Not The Asshole* &nbsp; 🔷️ **[2nd post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/15wu3aa/i_wanna_live_with_my_dad_but_i_cant_seem_to_get/)** Aug 20, '23 - r/advice &nbsp; *Most of this post is identical so I'm only including a bit of it* **I wanna live with my dad, but I can't seem to get him to be cool with it** I get that their house doesn't have enough rooms for each kid, but I'm willing to share. I understand it's a different dynamic for those used to having a room to themselves, but it's new for me too. I admit I don't know my stepbrothers that well, but up to now, I've never had any relationship issues with anyone in my life. I've always been respectful and helped with chores, and that wouldn't change now. I don't understand where the fear that I could cause harm to them is coming from. I genuinely see this opportunity as really important, but I'm at a loss for how to convince my dad to let me live with them. I'm in need of ideas. &nbsp; *In the comments:* >I know you’re only a teen but you need to grow up a bit here. You’re being very selfish. Why would you want to be somewhere you’re clearly not wanted? It’s your stepmom’s house. It’s not like your dad bought the house with her. OP: First, I'll be there every weekend because it's also my dad's house. Actually, if I attend school there, I'll spend Monday through Thursday there, and I'll be with my mom on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. So, it's just one day of difference. Second, there's a significant distinction if I go to school in my dad's district or my mom's district. I want to get into a good college. College can make a huge difference in the life. &nbsp; 🔷️ **[1st Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15yn86x/update_aitah_for_insisting_on_living_with_my_dad/)** Aug 22, '23 &nbsp; **UPDATE - AITAH for insisting on living with my dad to attend a better school?** ​ Well, I guess any chance of me studying near my stepmom's house is over. ​ A few days ago, I messaged my dad asking what time he'd pick me up on Friday to spend the weekend at their place. He didn't respond. So, I asked again and he said he wouldn't be picking me up, that I wouldn't be spending the weekend there. ​ I asked why, and he said it's not his weekend, it's the next one. ​ I was really pissed off by this, because he never used to use the "weekend is his or not" excuse. Before he got married, we spent practically every weekend together. ​ To me, this showed that he truly chose his "new" family over me. He knew I was already upset about the school situation, and he did this to show that I'm not welcome there. ​ I told him that it's okay for him to choose his "new" family, but he didn't need to pick me up anymore, that he could just forget I exist and I'd do the same. ​ I logged into Instagram (which I don't use) to block him, and I saw a picture of him at an amusement park with my stepbrothers, and he had written: "Me and my boys." He didn't even invite me to go with them, I have no idea when that was. He truly excluded me from his life. ​ I got even more furious and sent him a message telling him to enjoy having 2 sons now instead of just one, and that I wanted him to go f*** himself. ​ My dad called me multiple times. I answered once and he started scolding me, saying I'm acting like a child, and I hung up on him and didn't pick up again. ​ He sent several messages saying he wants to talk to me. ​ I was really naive in this whole situation. He replaced me months ago. I couldn't bike to school because of the knee surgeries I had, and I just realized now that he never once took me to school. It was always my grandparents or my mom. ​ Lately, I've seen him very little and I thought it was because of the surgeries and recovery, but apparently, he only had space for "every other weekend," whereas before his new family, he was always available for me. ​ My mom is upset with me too. She says I lost my reason, that I have to talk to my dad, that I'm not behaving appropriately. ​ As far as I'm concerned, I'll never talk to my dad again. Now I'm gonna spend the night locked up in my room 'cause if I step out, my mom's gonna try to force me to talk to him. I don't know if I'm doing right or wrong, but right now I'm just really angry and sad. I never thought my dad could replace me like this, I thought he truly cared about me. Edit: People are saying that my mom is taking my dad's side. Nope. She doesn't want me to be in a fight with my dad. She's saying that we need to talk, listen to each other. I guess no mom wants her kid to be in a fight with their dad. But I don't want to talk to my dad tonight. UPDATE: He sent a lot of messages last night. He's saying that we need to talk in person, that I'm misunderstanding everything. ​ He came over early this morning, but I told my mom I didn't want to talk to him and locked myself in my room. ​ He wants to come tonight to talk. &nbsp; *In the comments:* If my stepmom moved into my dad's house, would he have the right to say he didn't want her kids? If something happened to my mom, would I not be able to live with my dad? . My parents split up when I was little. Since then, I've been living with my mom. I never really considered moving in with my dad, because it just didn't make sense. I have my grandparents really close by here, for instance. My dad has always been around. He used to come over many times during the week. This whole "every other weekend" thing he mentioned now wasn't a thing. In my view, the school situation is something he should have looked into and discussed with my stepmom, who would've wanted me to study there. We're talking about a huge difference in school quality. I don't think it's reasonable for adults to equate the challenges of sharing a room with the potential life-changing impact of education. My dad and stepmom are smart enough to get that, but it seems the reality is that they didn't want me there. You see, I would understand if we were talking about a house already crammed with two kids per room, but that's not the case. The reality is what I mentioned in the post. Ever since this relationship started, my dad has been drifting away from me and I didn't notice. I'm realizing now that it's become really apparent. . I can't believe at any point that my dad really put in the effort for me to come live with him. He never sat me down to talk with my stepmom or my step brother to see if we could reach some kind of understanding. And after my grandpa and uncle talked to him, he didn't reflect on it, but instead he called me and gave me the biggest lecture I've ever had in my life. It wasn't something like "I wanted you to come live here, but it's not possible right now." It's like "I have already decided and you are push my family against me" Actually, he never even said any phrase like "I wanted you to come live here." It seems like he never truly wanted it. . Furthermore, this was an excellent opportunity to teach my stepbrothers that education was important. So important that I would be moving there, and everyone would have to put in an effort to adapt. It's also quite interesting to talk about my stepbrother's privacy as if I wasn't giving up my own privacy. And what about my privacy when I visited my dad? That was something I'd never have, since I'd never have a room to myself. . I'd really need some feedback from my dad about what's actually going on. Does my stepmom not like me? Have I done something to upset my stepbrothers? What can I do to improve my relationship with them? He hasn't said a word. I don't have a real reason why I can't spend the weekend there. So, I'm left with the impression that he simply doesn't want me around them. *In response to a deleted comment:* First, there's a point you're misunderstanding. You think I wanted to simply move into my dad and stepmom's house. That's not it. I wanted the opportunity to study at a much better school than my current one, and for that, I needed to live there. Of course, living with other people is incredibly complex. I've never denied that. But I saw it as a unique opportunity in my life. What many people here seem not to understand is that we're poor. Getting into a good college, I believe, would be a significant change for my future and my family's future, especially for my mom, whom I could provide a better retirement for. You can't grasp the magnitude of this. You even compared wanting an educational opportunity to getting a PS5. Do you know when I've asked my parents for something like a PS5? Never, because I've always known our financial situation. And you're wrong again about how you say going to that school wouldn't make a difference. It absolutely would. Admissions officers focus much more on the high school years than any other years. Having sophomore and junior years there would make a huge difference, though of course, it wouldn't guarantee anything. Additionally, you keep insisting that I'm only looking at my own side. That's not true. What I've been saying is that I don't agree with equating the difficulty of sharing a room with the educational opportunity that existed up to now. This equivalence I find unfair. And I'll emphasize again that this change is being seen as only bringing advantages, when in fact, I'm also giving up having my own room, leaving the place I've lived all my life, among other things... I must admit I was taken aback by your assumption that I'd live with my grandparents if my mom died. I'd fight to live with my dad, and that's what's right. You're essentially saying that in your view, I'd never have the right to live with my dad, especially since he remarried. In that case, he might as well give up having his name on my birth certificate. Clearly, my dad's life changed dramatically with this marriage. What I didn't expect to change is him saying that now it's only every other weekend, when it's never been like that before. I never expected that change at all. And here's the thing, you're arguing that changing the dynamics of my stepmom's house is complicated, yet at the same time, you don't see an issue in changing the dynamics of my relationship with my dad? Do you not realize the inconsistency there? It seems like I'm the only one who has to accept these changes and lose out because of them. So far, there hasn't been any visible effort to make me more comfortable with all these changes. Lastly, my parents probably don't have the money for me to go to a family therapist. &nbsp; **[Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1621l5x/update_2_aitah_for_insisting_on_living_with_my/)** Aug 26, '23 &nbsp; 🔷️ **UPDATE 2 - AITAH for insisting on living with my dad to attend a better school? ** Sorry for the delay in updating you all. I couldn't come here earlier due to being grounded, and you'll understand why. ​ I talked to my dad, but I told him I'd only talk if my mom was there too. ​ The three of us sat down at the table. ​ My mom said I'd be the first to speak, but when I started talking, she said it wasn't what I should say and that I should apologize first. ​ So, I apologized to my dad for swearing at him. Then, right after, my mom said I'm grounded for two weeks for swearing at my dad, stating that nothing justifies swearing at your own father. It's my first time being grounded in my life. ​ Then, it was my dad's turn to talk. He said I'm being immature and unfair. He explained that he has other people in his life who are important now, so he can't give me the same attention as before. I tried to talk, and my mom told me to listen quietly and that I'd have my chance to speak later. ​ He mentioned that I act like everything has to be according to my will and circled back to the school situation. He told my mom that I talked to my grandparents and uncles, and my mom got upset about that, adding another week to my grounding. And when I tried to complain, she said she was disappointed in me for not understanding that I should respect my parents' decisions, so I figured it would be better not to argue further, as it would extend my grounding. ​ So, I'm grounded for three weeks now, both for swearing at my dad and not respecting his decision. ​ Finally, he said he's always done everything to be present in my life and give me the best he can. He said he feels unjustly treated after years of dedication, and I treat him like he's done nothing for me. I have to agree that he was very present and dedicated until recently, but I can't feel that anymore. ​ When I started talking, my mom said if my tone got aggressive, the conversation would end, as it's meant to be a friendly discussion, not a fight. ​ I tried to stay as calm as possible so that the conversation wouldn't end before I could express what I was thinking. ​ I said I understood that there are more people I need to share my dad's attention with now. However, these people are always with him since they live together, and the little time I'd have with him would only be on weekends. I mentioned that for the first time, he brought up the legal aspect that I'm only entitled to be with him every other weekend. I said this showed that he deliberately chose to decrease the time we spend together. ​ I also said that having new people around doesn't mean he can forget about my feelings or me. I told him that the photo he posted at the Amusement Park with the caption "Me and my boys" hurt me deeply. My mom hadn't seen the photo, so I showed it to her, and she was upset with my dad too. ​ I said I understood the difficulty of me moving to my stepmom's house, but I felt extremely unjustly treated by the arguments presented. It was as if my stepbrother's difficulty sharing a room with me was just as important as a good educational opportunity for me. I said he should be concerned about my future, but it seems like the only opinions that matter are those of his new kids. ​ He said I was misinterpreting things but that he'd be more careful about posting pictures and captions that could hurt me. ​ About the weekend issue, he said we're all still adjusting, and indeed, he'd like me to be able to come over every weekend like it used to be. But now he needs more predictability since more people are involved. I mentioned again that he was putting others' desires ahead of mine and that my wishes were never a priority compared to theirs. This showed me that he had a preference. ​ He fell silent for a moment and then said he'd fix this situation. I'll always be welcome to visit and stay where he lives. He also said he wouldn't bring up the "every other weekend" visitation arrangement again. He said the school issue is more complicated but that he's still looking into a solution. ​ He again said I need to understand that circumstances change, and I'm still his priority, but now there are more people involved. He mentioned he knows it's not easy for a 15yo, but I'm smart enough to know he's speaking the truth. ​ He invited me to spend the weekend with him, but I declined, saying I don't feel welcome at this moment. He said he loves me and that if I ever doubt that at any point, I can call him. ​ So, that's where we are. We're at a bit of an impasse. He's been sending me several messages every day to show he's there for me. ​ I feel like I'm being a bit unfair to him. On the other hand, I feel like his new family doesn't want me around. ​ I don't know where this will lead, but I appreciate the support from those who wrote in the last posts. Edit: As I mentioned, I'm grounded right now, so I don't have much time to respond. I just wanted to say that I think you guys are being a bit hard on my dad and my mom. ​ My mom didn't punish me when I slammed the door in her face and locked myself in my room in the middle of the week. She knew I could get upset, like I did during the week, and the conversation wouldn't lead anywhere, as is normal with us teenagers. She stood by me, for example, in the situation with the photo. So cut them some slack, she's trying to maintain a balance between supporting me and exercising parental control. Of course, I don't like to be grounded and don't agree totally, but she has her points. ​ I'm still sad about the situation with my dad. But I see that part of the conversation was positive, he told me to forget about the every other weekend thing and that I can go whenever I want. He's been sending me messages, even my 13-year-old stepbrother messaged me inviting me over. So I can see that he's making an effort, but I didn't want to go over there this week. ​ That's why I said I'm in a bit of a dilemma. At the same time, I don't feel comfortable going to his house, but I've seen an effort from him in these last few days after the conversation. And if I don't go, I'll never build a relationship and feel more at ease. &nbsp; *In the comments:* >About his mom not letting him talk/express his feelings She just wants to teach me how to control my behavior. Whenever I started talking fast or getting nervous, she would tell me to stop, take a deep breath, and then go on. . I can say anything as long as I maintain respect for the authority at hand; in both cases, the authority was my dad. I swore, so I didn't maintain respect and was punished I didn't respect my dad's response and even exposed something of a personal nature to others, so I was punished. I've learned my lesson and won't repeat the mistake. **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

AITAH for insisting on living with my dad to attend a better school

ONGOING

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16cugpw/aitah_for_insisting_on_living_with_my_dad_to/

16d05z6

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/throwaway_6030 **AITA for calling my baby's mother petty for not letting me be in the delivery room?** **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole & r/amiwrong **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Mention of infidelity, emotional manipulation!< **MOOD SPOILER:** >!You reap what you sow, frustrating!< **Thanks to u/czechtheboxes for suggesting these posts, and u/Choice_Evidence1983 for helping recover one of the posts** [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/nTBsmN2jKE) **Aug 10, 2021** My ex and I were engaged but broke it off early into her pregnancy. We had a lot of issues, but our breakup was precipitated by her catching me sexting people behind her back and a couple of flings. Overall, we have kept it amicable through her pregnancy but I definitely wouldn't call us friends. I called to check on her since she is due within the next month and asked what the plan for delivery was. I guess I assumed I would be in the room when the baby is being born. She told me due to COVID precautions she is only allowed one person with her while she is in the hospital and she's going to have her best friend with her-that I could meet the baby once she gets home. I got angry and told her it was petty and vindictive to not allow me in the room to witness our child's birth. She snapped back and told me she needs someone who brings her comfort and she can be vulnerable with and that's not me. AITA for calling her petty in this situation? Edit to add: Since these have been questioned in the comments -I cheated on her. Yes some of it was before she was pregnant, she broke it off cause she caught me sexting when we were laying in bed one night and then found all the other stuff -We ended on the note we would try to be friends for the baby. We were going to try to go to counseling and see if we could fix things and work it out for the baby but then she caught me in a lie (not cheating again but related to lying trying to minimize her hurt due to what I'd done) and she cut me off completely other than giving me updates after each appointment and inviting me to a 3D ultrasound. It's been entirely her choice to not be friends. -Her best friend hasn't even been around for her pregnancy since she's been traveling for work. She's only coming back now to help with labor and recovery then leaving again. -Last, part of why I feel it's pettiness motivating her choices is cause she is using COVID as a reason to keep my family from meeting the baby. She told me she thinks only my parents should meet her until she gets a bit older, and wants them to wear masks. But she's still working as a nurse getting exposed to COVID DAILY so how is it really that much of a concern to her. I feel like it's about control over the baby. **VERDICT: ASSHOLE** [Update 1 - AITA for refusing to cover part of my ex-fiance's hospital bills](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/q1TdQFntx1) **Oct 14, 2021** [Recovered with rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q88qn3/aita_for_refusing_to_cover_part_of_my_exfiances/?share_id=rnBRmhZ0MufxdeMs_Uf_2&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) **Oct 14, 2021** My ex and I broke up early in her pregnancy, we've remained somewhat amicable, we had a couple fights about me not being in the delivery room but have been ok since. She had our baby about 4 weeks ago, and I told her to keep me updated on any hospital bills she might get because I would pay half. I was visiting the baby and my ex brought out the bills, typical stuff, the baby's pediatrician and her delivery, after insurance it was going to cost us about $1000 each. Then she pulled out a bill for an anesthesiologist and when I asked what that was about, since she didn't have a c-section she said it was for her epidural during labor. I kind of chuckled and told her she was on her own for that bill (which was $900 on its own, almost the cost of everything else). She asked me if I was being serious and I confirmed I wouldn't pay that portion, that is was her choice to get an epidural, it wasn't essential to her safely delivering the baby and plenty of women have given birth without one. She told me I was being ridiculous and that "if you could feel how being in labor felt you wouldn't be questioning getting pain relief at all". She stayed pretty silent and cold with me until I left. I talked to my Mom after the fact and she thinks I'm in the right, she had me and my siblings without anything. I think I might be the asshole though because when I talked to my sister about it she said pain relief can make or break your experience. So, AITA for refusing to pay this additional expense? **VERDICT: REMOVED BEFORE VERDICT RENDERED** [Update 2 - AITA for telling my baby's mother she only breastfeeds to keep me from having visitation](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/RwvLIzSFjd) **Dec 2, 2021** My ex and I have a baby who is almost 3 months. I come and visit her at my ex's home for 3 hours at a time once or twice a week. I've been itching to get alone time with the baby so we can bond better, but she breastfeeds only, won't take a bottle and won't take formula. I've tried numerous times to get baby to eat the bottle so I can have visits at my place with her but she just screams. All through her pregnancy my ex said she might try breastfeeding but wasn't sure. Then covid got bad again and because of her job (she's a nurse) she freaked out and wanted baby to have antibodies since she's vaccinated and has also had covid before. Right now the baby won't smile at me like she does for her Mom-in fact over the last few visits as soon as I hold her it's instant waterworks. My ex tries to stay out of our way or only come out of her room when the baby is hungry but that doesn't make any difference. Out of frustration I handed the baby back to my ex and raised my voice a bit, saying basically that our current arrangement isn't working and I want my visits with the baby at my place. My ex asked how that would even work since she won't eat from me and I said to her "we both know you only breastfed to keep me from her in the first place, she'll figure it out". Part of the frustration also comes from the fact that none of my family has met my child yet-my ex offered to host them in her home but my Mom is a homebody and won't drive there in addition to them living an hour away. My ex started crying after I said that and told me she refuses to let our baby starve for my "fragile ego" and I'll have to fight her in court, which she was trying to avoid for the sake of the baby. Part of why I think I'm the asshole is because if the baby truly won't eat for me she'll be miserable. But everyone in my family reassures me that if she gets hungry enough she'll eat, and I'm convinced my ex breastfed in the first place to make visitsharder for me. So AITA? **VERDICT: REMOVED BEFORE VERDICT RENDERED** [Update 3 - AITA for refusing to pay half of childcare](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/kkmUc7xTpC) **June 29, 2022** I have an infant child (almost 1) that I coparent with my ex, we went to a mediator rather than the courts to come up with our parenting plan. Our current arrangement is I take her for 4 hours 3 times a week. My ex has her the rest of the time. We went through mediation and agreed on no child support but that we would split 50/50 expenses for her. The issue came up when my ex asked for half her childcare expenses. Her sister watches the baby on the nights she works (shes a nurse and works 3 nights a week) and when she sleeps. I don't always take the baby when my ex is sleeping from working the night before. So for the last month I guess it came out to $200. I told my ex that I wouldn't pay it-she was responsible for paying for the child care when she has the baby. She got upset and told me it was in the parenting plan for 50/50 and that this month was higher because I worked all the days she worked and that it fluctuates based on when I'm able to take the baby. I then got upset and told her that I'd take her for 50/50 and I wanted to know every penny she made, what she spent on my child with receipts unless she agreed to a set amount in writing for how much I'm actually obligated each month. When I called the mediator and demanded a change on our paperwork she acted shocked because of all we had agreed on previously, so I'm wondering if I'm an asshole. I'm pissed because she's playing games with me and my kid. TLDR baby mama wants half of childcare expenses even though I don't need childcare for my time with her **VERDICT: REMOVED BEFORE VERDICT RENDERED** [Update 4 - Am I wrong for telling my ex that my daughter shouldn't have certain clothes restricted to her house?](https://reddit.com/r/amiwrong/s/vs2YejHIlJ) **Sept 1, 2023** My ex and I have a toddler together. We haven't been together since before she was born and we split all expenses 50/50. My ex usually buys whatever the baby needs, shows me the items she got and the receipt and I'll send her my portion of it. Most of her clothes are from target or similar stores. My ex often sends me pictures of my daughter since she has her more. I've noticed since she was born that she's got some super cute clothes sometimes, in really pretty prints that I've never seen before and werent part of what we purchased. If I repost the picture to my social media people always ask where her clothes are from. I asked my ex where they come from, and she said she buys some boutique type bamboo clothes that are like $40 an outfit. I asked her why the baby never comes over here with those clothes because I feel like the fact I split clothing costs is unfair since I don't have access to all her clothes. My ex said I've ruined countless clothes (because I don't baby her and put a Bib on, I let her be a kid) and she spends her own money on the clothing she likes for our daughter and I'm not entitled to clothes I haven't paid for. I told my ex she's being a bad parent by restricting clothing to only her home and our daughter will feel bad about it. My ex then said "if you want her to have the same clothes I get you're welcome to purchase them yourself" TLDR- ex buys toddler expensive clothes, won't let me have those clothes any my house I only get the cheap stuff **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for calling my baby's mother petty for not letting me be in the delivery room?

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16d05z6/aita_for_calling_my_babys_mother_petty_for_not/

16d0bwz

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/thrownaway20512 **AITA because I told my fiancé that her academic/work-related disappointments are a product of her own choices?** **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Accusation of emotional manipulation!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/5Fh9IKrtXK)  **Aug 29, 2023** I (29M) have been with my fiancé (29F) for around 15 years. We are pretty much inseparable in EVERY aspect, except for when it comes to academic dedication and career planning/development. I grew up poor. So my only goal growing up was to have a financial security. This naturally lead to me always being hungry for academic achievements. My fiancé's family did not have any financial troubles. She was always a party-goer, so she never wanted to utilize her potential. She always said that "your whole life is not about studying, you should have fun while you're young". And I really try to match up that life-style. We'd spend days doing stuff together, doing whatever she felt like doing. This, as exhaustive as it was (I was running on <4h of sleep), kept her happy, and I was having fun with her, so I didn't mind. There'd come a time where I'd decline going out or doing stuff for prolonged amounts of time (usually while crushing deadlines were quickly approaching and I was becoming overwhelmed), and she'd get irritated. I even tried to arrange study dates, but that failed miserably, because she'd always do the bare minimum and then move on (which was considerably faster than what I was able to do). This became an every-day reason to fight. I've completed all my degrees (including masters) with the highest distinction, have landed a high-paying job and I mainly work from home. You can say that I achieved my goal, and it took a lot of crying to get here, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. She, on the other hand, never got accepted for masters, graduated late, did not get to work in her own field, and struggles to make ends meet on her own to cover her own half of the bills. I've been trying to be comforting, offer her solutions, and reassure her that I don't mind covering up for us, because I truly love her and I know she'd do the same for me. For the past couple of weeks, she has been blaming everyone for the impasse she has hit. Her teachers for her bad grades, employers for requiring prior relevant work experience (which she has none), her friends for tempting her to go out, her parents for not giving her their will/sustaining her (they are both like mid-50s), and me for not pressuring her to study enough. I usually shrug it off, understand that she is just frustrated and disappointed, and try to be a good boyfriend for her. Lately, she is also nagging me for not spending time with her (we spend everyday afternoon together after my shift). So, In the culmination of a series of intense discussions, I told her that she is the sole person responsible for her current situation, and that she wasted her potential and ultimately rendered herself below average, now facing the consequences. She called me an ass, and left the house. It's been eating me away since. AITA? **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** **OOP ADDED IN THE COMMENTS** [HERE](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/g7miiAUGwD) >Hi, just for some extra info, because others also pointed it out and I wanted to make this clearer (so there are no misunderstandings): >I really didn't feel like I had any say in her academic/work success and development. I only tried to get her to study with me and care more about her studies as a genuine concern for her further development (and because she also said that she wanted to do well in her field), but as I mentioned in another comment, that stopped when she asked me to. >So, I do not criticize her for her life choices and her habits, she can do what she wants and I've completely embraced that willingly since these events took place in college originally. I don't really care if we are not "on the same level academically", this is completely irrelevant to me, she can do her own thing, I can do my own, I really really don't mind that. As I've also mentioned, I don't even care about the pay-gap, I'm more than happy to make our ends meet, this is not about money or her being lesser in any way. Never considered her inadequate in any sort of way. >My referral to her past habits were just context to what precedented the prior events to her dead-end. I did not add any comment on those, because I have none. Those were just there to summarize the general idea of her not being interested in advancing her academics earlier on, and now that she wanted to advance her career, she has been met with a wall that she thinks I built. Her "wasted potential" was, again, for the time-period during college, cause she is a natural problem solver, and highly intelligent, so college honestly would've been a breeze for her, because I've seen how brilliant she is when she puts effort into something. >P.S. Again, I'm not saying the above to defend myself, I've read all the comments and they all have been helpful in their own way. I'm just hoping to give clearer context in terms that I do not wish to demean her through this post, and I do not look down on her in the general outlook of our lives together. Mods, if this comment is inappropriate, I'm sorry, delete if needed. [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/jRjOnPoty1)  **Sept 1, 2023** Hi all, I took your feedback in, understood that my phrasing was largely misguided, and stood my ground more firmly against my fiancée’s accusations while maintaining empathy to the best of my ability. I want to clarify that my previous post wasn't meant to judge others’ journey, and I don't criticize anyone based on their academic success. It was specific to the situation presented, and my phrasing was evidently poorly chosen. My mistakenly more abruptly phrased point was that she could’ve made it in college, but didn’t wish to, and while that’s okay and completely up to her, she shouldn’t blame others for how her career has advanced. I finally contacted my fiancée and asked her to meet me so we could talk. Apparently, both her parents and her sister took my side on the matter (important for later). She had fled her parents’ house and was living with a friend. I told her I love her and explained how I didn’t mean to imply that she squandered her potential irreversibly and told her that I believe we can fix things if we work together. I apologized for my ill-tasted comment, and I repeatedly told her that my point was never to demean or disdain her, and that I do not consider her to be below me. I tried to explain that none of us obstructed her journey to success, and that we do not bare accountability for her academic path, but we are all here to support her. I encouraged her to try whatever she thinks is best right now, and promised that I’d support her, emotionally and financially, so she can make any dream of hers happen and we can finally move on. I expected to meet in the middle ground, acknowledge our respective mistakes and work together to grow our relationship. But, I was met with silence at first, a chuckle, and then she told me that I patronize her for offering to cover her bills, followed by her explaining that my support is a way to make myself feel better about my accomplishments, as if, and I quote, “I can’t make it on my f*ing own”. She concluded that I was trying to manipulate the situation by acting like the good guy, and that in reality her current situation (professional and with her parents) is my doing. Now, some commenters from the previous post mentioned the above narrative, so I was very conflicted on how to answer the above in a non-condescending way and wanted to respect her feelings. The best thing I could think of was recommending couple’s therapy, as per your recommendation, which she declined saying that throwing more money away won’t make up for the emotional neglect. I couldn’t answer here, mainly because I was on the verge of crying. After a few minutes of silence, I suggested ending the relationship and she instantly agreed. Thank you all for your comments, they certainly added to me seeing things more spherically, and made me a better person than before. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **MagicUnicorn37** >"Apparently, both her parents and her sister took my side on the matter (important for later)." >You say important for later, but you never come back to it and explain why... So why is it important to know? The statement alone doesn't change the update, knowing that they agree with you... why bring it up? **OOP replied** >Hi, good catch, the original post included a mini story regarding her parents but it exceeded the 3k character limit so I tried shortening it up, and now realise that it indeed doesn't make sense alone. >In a very short manner (so I don't appear dodging the rules), she told me that she believes I've convinced her parents that she's the one in the wrong here and that's why they took my side when she went there, when in reality we didn't really talk with her parents up until a day after she had left (her dad called me to tell me the same thing, that while I was in the right to call her out, he didn't appreciate my tone and warned me). The same applied with her sister, who just had texted me the same night (as their fathers call) to ask me what had happened. >Long story short, while we didn't come in contact with her family earlier, she believes that I had already prepared them to take my side. Sorry for the inconsistency, and appreciate the catch! **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA because I told my fiancé that her academic/work-related disappointments are a product of her own choices?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16d0bwz/aita_because_i_told_my_fiancé_that_her/

16deryt

**I am not the original poster. Original post in** r/relationship_advice. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!Discussions of rape allegations!< mood spoilers: >!Emotional distress, Shock, Doubt, Regret, Empathy, Reconciliation!< --- &nbsp; ###[**I found out I have a daughter who thinks I was her mother's rapist. It wasn't rape. What next?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/dntbn9/i_found_out_i_have_a_daughter_who_thinks_i_was/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Sun, Oct 27, 2019* ***submitted by*** u/perplexeddad *Recovered deleted post* I received an email last week from a woman claiming we are a DNA match and she is my biological daughter. It was a long and emotionally charged letter. She said she knew she was child of rape, and while she had no desire to form a relationship with me, she wanted me to know that she existed and to understand the pain and anguish I had caused her and her mother and grandparents. The letter was gut wrenching. I was shocked but also skeptical. I have been married 25 years and I have three great kids. I have never raped or abused a woman ever! I thought this had to be a prank or scam. I had done home DNA ancestry testing two years ago, and it had not shown a child I wasn't aware of. But when I logged into my account, there she was. I did some sleuthing and figured out that her mother was a woman, Terry (fake name), I had dated for about a month during our first semester of college in the mid-1980s. We broke it off mutually and remained friendly. The very last night of the second semester, we hooked up at a dorm party and went to my room and had sex. It was a casual hookup and I remember it as 100% consensual and very passionate. Also unprotected. Afterwards we went back to the party and had a great time dancing and mingling with friends. We both went home the next morning for summer break. Terry didn't come back to college the next year, which I gave very little thought to since we weren't close and hadn't bothered to communicate all summer. One of the reasons Terry and I were incompatible was religion. She was Catholic and I'm Jewish. I was not religious but she had grown up in a strict household. My supposition is that when she discovered the pregnancy, she told her family she had been raped rather than admitting to premarital sex with a Jewish ex-boyfriend. But who knows, maybe she had other reasons. It kills me that I have a daughter in her 30s who has been fed lies about her father. I can't imagine growing up thinking I was a product of rape. That has to be so hard psychologically. I am in pain for a child I didn't even know existed just a few days ago, and who hates me. I have been debating what to do. I have not written back to my daughter. I badly want to tell her the truth, in a way that she can believe (but how?). My wife, who has been a rock the last few days, keeps telling me to give this some time and thought. My best friend says I should hire a lawyer. I don't know what to do and it's eating me up. Advice, please! &nbsp; ###[**UPDATE: I found out I have a daughter who thinks I was her mother's rapist. It wasn't rape. What next?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/dsmcm0/update_to_i_found_out_i_have_a_daughter_who/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) ***submitted by*** u/ThrowRA_perplexed19 *Wed, Nov 06, 2019* I hired a lawyer. He recommended that I respond to my daughter's email to unequivocally deny the rape allegation. I wrote her a short message and described how and when Terry and I met. I was careful not to attack Terry and to offer sympathy. I explained that our sex was consensual. A week went by with no response. Two days ago my daughter wrote me and said Terry now claims she was raped a month after she and I had sex, and that she was told by her doctors that the baby was born premature 8 months later. She's basically saying she was misled by her doctors. I find that very hard to believe, but if it's true it is awful and if it's not I guess it gives Terry a way out without exposing her big lie which is maybe best for everyone. Yesterday I spoke to my daughter for the first time. She was crying and so was I, so it wasn't easy to say much. Before we hung up, I told her that I loved her because she's my flesh and blood, and I hoped we could get to know each other and meet my grandchild. She sobbed so much after that, and said she's been waiting her whole life to hear those words. My wife and I told our kids about a week ago. They are teenagers and took it really well. All three are interested in meeting their new sister and niece. My wife...my beautiful, caring, bestest friend ever....she's been nothing but supportive. She has offered that we invite my daughter and granddaughter to visit over the Christmas holidays, even suggesting we pay the airfare and offer them our guest room. My daughter is going to call me again tonight and I'm going to propose she come, or offer to fly to her if she's more comfortable. We have a lifetime of catching up to do. Meantime as for Terry, I feel like my daughter and I were robbed, but I really don't want to dwell on it. She hasn't reached out to me and I don't plan to either, though I'm prepared to be cordial if she does, and to listen to her story and be open minded. ####EDIT I'm overwhelmed by all the love coming at me from Reddit. Thank you all for your support, compliments and helpful opinions. Really, really. I promise I will post an update! Silver and Gold! Feels like I'm Burl Ives. Thanks, kind strangers. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

I found out I have a daughter who thinks I was her mother's rapist. It wasn't rape.

INCONCLUSIVE

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16deryt/i_found_out_i_have_a_daughter_who_thinks_i_was/

16desgk

**I am not the original poster. Original post by** u/NuclearBreakUpTA **in** r/confessions. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!Mention of abusive relationship!< mood spoilers: >!hopeful, romantic, and joyous!< --- &nbsp; ###[**I realized I'm catching feelings because she's in the hospital**](https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/dyugs4/i_realized_im_catching_feelings_because_shes_in/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Wed, Nov 20, 2019* I decided to use a throw away, but there's a lot to say in this one... Here it goes. Two months ago, almost to the day, my verbally abusive fiancée left me. We were together nearly 8 year and she really changed who I was as a person. I have since started therapy and realized that I was in an abusive relationship amongst other things. I have basically gotten over my ex. She hurt me in so many ways that I stopped loving her. We have a child together that I love dearly and that we share custody over. She broke up with me because I didn't want more children. Just over 6 weeks ago, I reached back out to a friend I had in high school. She was the nicest person I ever met and we bonded over our mutual traumas. We fell out of contact and my ex never let me reach out to her because she was a girl. We started messaging back and forth, and there hasn't been a single day that we haven't talked. She only talks to me and another girl who she has feelings for. I know she is interested in pursuing a relationship with her, but she is taking her time and doing things slowly for her own reasons. The only time we get to see each other is on the Saturday's when I don't have my son. She had been feeling sick since Thursday, but she made the effort to see me on Saturday regardless. We ate some food and watched some television until she started feeling sick. She wouldn't speak up about it because that's just how she is, so I told her I was bringing her home because my priority was making sure she was okay. She threw up 4 different times in the 35 mins ride back. She was sitting in my passenger seat, moaning and groaning, while I would periodically pull over to hold her hair while she threw up on the side of the road. I'd then give her water, hold her for a few minutes, and then help her back into the car. She was absolutely miserable and I realized just how much I actually cared about her. I brought her to her house, and for the first time actually walked her inside. She was grateful that I helped her with all her stuff and making sure she didn't forget anything. I walked her to her bathroom, and asked if she wanted me to stay (in her kitchen) while she showered since she was home alone. She declined saying I'd already done enough. I asked if she had water, and she said she would drink from the tap. I went back to my car and grabbed an extra 2 bottles plus the one she was drinking and brought them back in for her. It was just a small gesture, but I could tell that it meant a lot to her. She hugged me, made me promise to text her when I made it home, and promised that she would text me when she got out of the shower and into her room. I let her know when I got home safe, texted her goodnight, and told her to feel better. On Sunday, she had her brother drive her to the hospital. They gave her pain medicine, a muscle relaxing shot, and sent her home. On Monday, she got sick at work and was sent back to the hospital. She was in agonizing pain, and they kept her there over night and gave her a CAT scan. This morning, she texted me saying they had her on a liquid diet and that if she was doing better, they'd send her home. Three hours later, she was throwing it all back up. She texted me saying she was back to square 1. She only texted me periodically today because the pain was becoming unbearable, but I tried to keep her spirits up as best as I could and let her know I was here for her. They're keeping her over night again tonight. I don't know what the point of typing all of this out is, but I realized that I really care about her. I always loved her in a platonic sense of the word, but all I want is to see her better and just back to her usual self. I felt romantic feelings developing for her since the first time we hung out, and after seeing her Saturday, I knew for sure they were real. However... I refuse to say anything about it. I won't be adding to the confusion about whether or not she goes official with the girl she's texting. I refuse to, as a personal line I will not cross, attempt to date her until I'm certain that I want to be with her long term. She's too good of a person for that. I'd feel like the worst person in the world if I pursued a relationship with her before I was emotionally stable enough to be there for her like she deserves. I'd be the biggest asshole on Earth if I broke her heart, so I just can't bring myself to tell her how I feel. If she decides on her own that she doesn't want a relationship with the girl she's talking to, I'll tell her. But if not, I'm going to try to keep self improving in the meanwhile and be a damn good friend to her. This ended up being a lot longer than I expected, but I needed you to feel how I felt in these moments. Sorry for that. TL;DR I'm falling for a girl who is talking to a girl and who is now in the hospital which made me realize I'm catching feelings. &nbsp; ###[**UPDATE: I realized I caught feelings because she's in the hospital**](https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/e4hu0o/update_i_realized_i_caught_feelings_because_shes/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Sun, Dec 01, 2019* I'm posting an update on this one because I don't have anyone else to talk to. My friend who was in the hospital is home and happy, and we got the chance to hang out yesterday night. Earlier this week, a few days after she was home, I told her exactly how I felt when we were on one of our many long phone calls. I didn't ask how she felt or what she wanted, I didn't care. She's very shy and reserved and I wanted to give her the time to really think about things. So back to yesterday. She was babysitting her niece who I got to meet for the very first time. I brought a couple of things for the little one to color, and we took a trip to get some toys for her to play with as well. Her niece ended up absolutely loving me, which also made my friend happy because her niece doesn't open up to people like that. An hour before I had to go, her niece went in the other room to watch a bit of TV, and my friend was just chilling in the kitchen with me, playing with Floof, some white dough-y thing. I needed to know. I needed to know exactly how she felt about me, so I finally brought it up and asked. I asked if she thought she felt something more, if she saw us getting together in the future, if she was interested in pursuing something beyond the friendship we already have. And she said yes. She. Said. Fucking. Yes. She was too nervous to say anything without prompting, but she said she thinks we could have a beautiful future together. Just over two months ago, I took a chance and reached out to her, asking to hang out. We have talked non-stop since then. We both agreed to take things slow, which I think is the right thing to do. I'm over the moon right now. I've been in a really dark place for a really long time and I'm just not. I won't be updating again I don't think. I don't know if this violates the subreddit's rules but I don't really care. I have nobody else to tell... So here I am. Thanks guys. &nbsp; ####EDIT Holy moly this blew up. You guys are all awesome and I appreciate every single one of you, especially for the reddit gold! I'll post an update in a few months since you guys asked for it and because I never expected this type of a response. We're still talking non-stop and she's absolutely amazing and making me smile so much that my cheeks hurt. I really don't know what to say guys... She gave me a little sea turtle sticker to put on the back of my phone and every time my fingers brush up against it I can't help but smile. I'll be calling her in a few minutes when her sister comes to pick up her niece and I'm looking forward to hearing her amazing laugh. Like I said, I'll update you guys in a few months. Every single one of you is amazing, thanks for reading! ####EDIT 2 Just finished a 3 and a half hour phone call with her. She has the most amazing laugh and getting to hear it for over 3 hours had me smiling so much my cheeks hurt. Is this what it's supposed to feel like guys? I have never felt this mixture of being completely vulnerable and having no fear of being hurt at the same time. I really want to laugh and cry all at once. I'm going to bed now... I don't really have the words to describe how I feel and it's so god damn amazing. Goodnight reddit. Thanks to all of you for being able to share this moment of happiness with me. This whole week is going to drag on until I get to see her again on Saturday ####EDIT 3 Good morning! Shout out to ***rhino7005*** for giving me platinum. Gonna go ahead and disperse the love since that's what you're supposed to do. I got to wake up to a good morning text from her, so now some of you can wake up to reddit awards! Cheers guys, happy Monday. ***comments*** >**p_chi** > >Your follow up update has really touched me and I'm happy for you both. I hope and pray her energy is vibing with you and grows. This lovely feeling of happiness for someone I have no idea who they are is grand. Thank you for updating us. I lost what you've recently gained and it also makes me want to laugh and cry for you. I will close my eyes and send my thoughts of Love kept within me to you both. It's all I can do. It might sound strange but not to me, I like to think I'm uniquely weird like that :) > >>**OOP** >> >>I am completely smitten by her. She is just so sweet and amazing and beautiful.. She loves animals and she's childish and weird. I don't have the words. I really don't. I talked to her so much last night and she almost made me cry. >> >>I apologized for complicating her life. That I'm sorry that I would always have my ex in my life and that she would deal with her as a result. >> >>"So what?" She says. "I know exactly what I'm getting into. I know I have to deal with your ex and that you have a beautiful baby boy. That doesn't matter to me. I like you. I like you a lot. I think that I'm good stepmom material... And even though I don't think you'll ever get back with your ex, at least if you do, he gets his parents back together." >> >>I cried. I cried so much because I don't fucking deserve her. I don't deserve to have someone so empathetic and sweet and just... Ugh. I just want to spend however much time I get with her making her happy. I don't deserve her but I'm going to spend every day making sure she gets the happiness she deserves. &nbsp; ###[**UPDATE in comments**](https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/e4hu0o/comment/f9xtubx/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Sat, Dec 07, 2019* We had a date last night. We kissed for the first time and I still can't get the taste of her lips out of my mind. It was cold out, but we went to the beach near her house and just held each other for a bit. Even the way she hugs is amazing... I don't know how to describe it. Just the way that she'll slightly adjust so that she can move me a little closer and hold me a little tighter gives me chills. I'm not gonna fuck this up guys. I can't. She's too amazing. I sent her a goodnight text tonight trying to put into words what it meant to see her. I woke up to her responding with this: **"** *Awwe you're so cutee. Tonight was an amazing nightt. I feel very comfortable and free with you and it's nice knowing I can be myself around you. I haven't felt like this in so long I forgot what it felt like. You really are an amazing soul and I really enjoy spending time with you. And when you kissed me I felt all warm and fuzzy. Made me get so many butterflies. It was so nicee. I haven't gotten butterflies like that in sooo long.* *There's something about you I really adore and I can't get enough of it. Everything about you makes my heart flutter. No one has ever made me feel like this before. What I thought was happiness is nothing compared to how you make me feel. Normally I ignore feelings and people and keep my distance but not with youu. You make me so happy I wanna talk to you all the time. It scares me thoo cuz I let you in so easily- spent so long building these huge barriers to keep people out and then you come back in my life and gently knock them down. But thats okay because I know you care about me and I trust you. And I don't give my trust away to just anyone.* *You proved to me you deserve it and I know you won't destroy it. You're so so sooo amazing and I can't wait to see where this goes 😘 Yess we may have to wait a bit to kiss and nuggle but I still can't wait to see you and meet little (my son) tomorrow we're gonna have such an amazing time ❤ I hope you're sleeping well. I waited a bit to reply to you because I wanted you to wake up feeling as happy as you make me when I read your messages 🤗 I'm going to bed happy tonight because of you 😘 Sweet dreams handsomee* **"** I would be lying if I said waking up to that didn't bring me to tears. Everything about her is so amazing and she's meeting my son today. I can't wait because I know they'll adore each other. **Tl;DR:** Had a date with her and it was amazing &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

I realized I'm catching feelings because she's in the hospital

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16desgk/i_realized_im_catching_feelings_because_shes_in/

16detvu

**I am not the original poster. Original post by** u/aitaposthrowaway **in** r/AmItheAsshole. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!Parental conflict, mention of parental alienation!< mood spoilers: >!Anger, frustration, working towards a resolution!< --- &nbsp; ###[**AITA for shouting at my ex in front of my daughters?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/htmhgb/aita_for_shouting_at_my_ex_in_front_of_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Sat, July 18, 2020* I (37M) have three girls; 8, 10, and 12. Their mother walked out on us for another man when our youngest was around 4. My ex still stays in contact, though, and pays child support. A few weeks ago while doing laundry, I saw red spots on my oldest's underwear. I asked her if she knew about it, and she cried and told me she tried to call her mom, but my ex didn't call back. She'd been stuffing toilet paper in her underwear, hoping that would work. I explained to her that periods are nothing to be ashamed of, and found some great resources online for us to review together. I took her to the store to pick out brands of feminine products she wanted to use (she picked Playtex Sport because she's a gymnast). After we were done, I decided I should do the same thing with my other two. My 12yo volunteered to be part of preparing them, and we made a whole night of it; it was wonderful, and I learned a lot. I even learned what a menstrual cup is, and how they benefit the environment. The other day, my ex called back. I'll usually arrange a video chat and leave the room so they can have some alone time, and when they're done chatting, I'll come back in to talk boring co-parenting stuff like school, bills, etc. This last time, my ex was FURIOUS with me for talking about periods with the girls. She shouted at me that I was sick and perverted, why didn't I call her myself if I knew it was so urgent, I could've called one of their grandmas/aunts, but my mom has dementia, while her mom and sisters call me a loser because I teach kindergarten, so I'm not fond of them. My ex told me I was being immature and should have just toughed it out for the girls. This really pissed me off, so I shouted back that maybe if she wasn't such a deadbeat and answered her goddamned phone once in a while, she could have handled this. I brought up everything she does that hurts them; she hasn't been to a single soccer game, piano recital, or gymnastics meet in two years, every other weekend when they come home from her house, they go straight to their rooms, only to emerge hours later asking me why she loves her new husband more than them, and what did they do to make her leave. My ex responded by saying I should tell them it's not their fault I couldn't satisfy her, and I screamed "fuck you", and she just smirked and pointed behind me, saying "Look what you did" When I turned around, my 8yo and 10yo were standing in the doorway crying. It broke my heart; I never shout, so I know I scared them. My 12yo stormed in and started screaming at her mom, and while I appreciate her sticking up for me, this is not a battle I want her fighting. My ex hung up before I could fully deescalate the situation, and let's just say the girls have been given free reign of the ice cream and limitless hours of video games, because I feel so bad. I even watched all the Twilight movies with them, so don't say I don't love them. But in this instance, AITA for shouting? ***Judgement: Not the A-hole*** &nbsp; ###[**UPDATE: AITA for shouting at my ex in front of my daughters?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/iaznff/update_aita_for_shouting_at_my_ex_in_front_of_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Sun, Aug 16, 2020* It’s been almost a month since my original post, and a lot has happened since then. Many of you asked for an update, so here goes: Last weekend, the girls were at their mom’s. After she dropped them off Sunday night, my 12yo asked to talk to me in private. We went into her room, and she showed me two recordings she’d taken on her phone; one of my ex trying to convince them I was abusing them, and one of her and her husband arguing about how much she was paying in child support, and I’ll be honest here - my cousin is a family court lawyer and basically raked her over the coals. It wasn’t pretty, but I was still extremely hurt over the affair. I even got alimony. Anyway, my 12yo told me she didn’t want to go to her mom’s anymore, but she said she felt she had to because she’s the oldest sibling and it’s her job to protect the younger ones. I’ve always instilled this value in her (I’m an oldest child myself) but seeing this just made me even more upset, because now it’s just another battle she’s fighting that she shouldn’t be. She’s also just started to figure out that her mom cheated, and over the past couple weeks she started firing tons of questions at me about the timeline of their relationship I couldn’t really answer, and after showing me the recordings, she literally demanded I answer her, yes or no, did her mom cheat on me. It wasn’t easy, but I told her the truth, with the promise she wouldn’t tell her sisters (as much it sucks, that’s my job, not hers). The way she cried on my shoulder was the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever experienced, but she was catching on and I figured if she’s going to find out regardless, it should be in a setting where she’s comfortable. After she was done crying, I told her to email me the recordings she took, and called my cousin. We’ve just started the paperwork, but my cousin is certain we can get my ex nailed for parental alienation, and since she got a promotion a few months ago, I should be able to renegotiate the child support payments as well. Most importantly, the recordings should be enough to give me grounds for supervised visits only, which is what I want. I still want the girls to have a relationship with their mom (especially since the younger two still want to see her), I’m just going to have to make sure I’m present at all times when they’re with her. Coparenting is oodles of fun, kids! Anyway, I also want to give a huge thank you to all the supportive comments and messages. I only saw most of the DMs recently because I use the Reddit is Fun app on my phone and for some reason it doesn’t show chatroom messages. I’m not the best with technology, seeing as my most valuable job skill is herding 5yos, but I wouldn’t trade it for any other career. Thanks for all your support, Reddit! &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

AITA for shouting at my ex in front of my daughters?

INCONCLUSIVE

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16detvu/aita_for_shouting_at_my_ex_in_front_of_my/

16dk3j6

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/alwayzzsweeti33 **in** r/TwoHotTakes trigger warnings: >!racism, use of a racial slur, physical violence!< mood spoilers: >!positive!<   [**My husband fought my brother**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15wi64j/my_husband_fought_my_brother/) **- 20th August 2023** I(26 female) have been married to my husband Mikaah(28 male) for almost 9 months. I have a younger brother, Wesley(19 male) who never really liked my husband. We met in middle school but we didn't really start talking to each other until our sophomore year of highschool. Mikaah has always been a patient and happy person. But everything went south last Saturday night. Very big detail, Mikaah is black. My family and I are extremely white. My brother has always been a little racist but never enough were it was taken literally. That's why I never brought Mikaah around him because Wes and his friends have a VERY bad habit of saying the N word. Mikaah knew about Wesleys habit and said as long as he didn't say it to or around him, he didn't care. Fast forward last Saturday night, my parents invited us to dinner to celebrate my cousins pregnancy. It was at my uncle's house and all the kids were upstairs while the adults were downstairs. Of course there was heavy drinks and my brother ended up getting a little drunk. Mikaah got up from his seat and to go get something to drink when my brother BUMPED INTO HIM. Mikaah said excuse me but Wes cut him off mid way and said "watch your step dumbass n\*\*\*\*" . Then Mikaah lost it. He started punching my brother even when he started screaming and bleeding. Usually I would stop Mikaah but in this situation my brother definitely deserved it. My dad, my uncle, and my sisters husband spent 5 minutes trying to pull my Mikaah off. When Mikaah finally stopped, he kicked my brother one last time then left. Everybody started babying my brother even though they said they didn't feel bad for him. When I saw Wesleys face its was red, bloody, and extremely swollen. I immediately left cause I just couldn't see my brother like that. When I got home Mikaah was watching a movie on the couch. I got beside him and started crying. He asked me if I was mad at him and I told him of course not, but that was a little extreme. He got defensive and said my brother disrespected his ethnicity and he couldn't even look me in the eye. He packed a bag and said he was staying at a hotel I tried talking him out of it but he just walked out. My family is going berserk on me asking me why I didn't stand up for my brother, while Mikaah won't talk to for any reason at all, and on top of all that I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant. What should I do?? &#x200B; **Comments** *Violence is never an okay reaction to words (unless the words are an objective threat of violence). Your husband is in the wrong. But nothing I would end the relationship over, but he needs to learn to solve disputes like an adult.* *Your brother is a peice of fucking shit though, you need to cut him out of your life completely. No one should ever talk to another person like that. Honestly you should have seen this coming, why are you tolerating a racist brother? Why are you tolerating racism in your family? If you love your husband cut them all out of your life, why are you putting up with this shit? I know cutting family out of your life can be difficult but god damn.* >Thank you sm. Ive tried cutting my brother off but I just can't, and my parents make everything like that hard for me. But this time I'm gonna cut them off PERIOD &#x200B; *What if your brother said that to your child?* >I dont have to worry about that cs my baby will never be around my family. As long as I'm alive anyway &#x200B; *If you are pregnant then your baby is going to be black would you let your brother speak to your child that way? He is not a little bit racist, he effed around and found out, tell your family to eff off and quit supporting a racist or they won’t be seeing your half black child* >My family won't ever be around my child(ren) EVER &#x200B; *Your brother played and got burnt, I find funny that you think your family is diferent than him, he learn that somewhere OP and aparently instead facing the issue you hide your husband, this was last straw, you are pregnant imagine your brother calling your son that, you need to apoligize becuase your husband has seen you take their side for long enough even if you don't think you did.* >I've never taken their side. Me and my family have gotten in arguments about stuff like this before. Even when Mikaah and I were friends &#x200B; >I'm not racist myself, and now that I see my parents are too, they never really showed it. It's always only been my brother, and my parents think it fine bc "it's just a word" but me my 2 sisters and my other brother have never would it ok. Actually we think it's crazy cause my mom's grandma is mixed &#x200B; *Question: is the scary part seeing your brother be beaten or seeing your boyfriend beat someone? Cause like there's justified violence and I think this qualifies but I wouldn't want my partner to see me like that* >Seeing my husband beat my brother. It only shocked me because usually he's a patient and kind person. Honestly seeing my brother get beat up was kinda funny know that I think about it > >Still haven't talked to Mikaah and he doesn't even know I'm pregnant. But I'm think about moving to a different state with my baby and husband, without telling my family ofc &#x200B; [**Update in the same post two days later**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15wi64j/my_husband_fought_my_brother/) **- 22nd August 2023** **Update:** My brother thankfully didn't press charges, and Mikaah finally came home. I apologized to him and he said he forgave me and he was embarrassed and he'll never pull a stunt like that again. He's more than excited for our baby. Were planning to move to his home town sometime in September for a fresh start, without telling my family of course. I changed my number and blocked them all on everything, so basically were nc. &#x200B; **Comments** *Your brother isn't a "little racist" your brother is a lot racist. and you not being actively anti racist are complicit in the racism and therefore just as bad. Bringing your black husband around family members you know are racist is DANGEROUS.* *What if your brother HAD decided to press charges against your husband after provoking him and then calling him the N word? Who do you think would be the one sitting in jail with their life ruined?* *Don't think that because you've blocked your family now that you deserve some big pat on the back. You have a lot of work to do before you bring a black child into this world and I hope you take it seriously* >There's no "if". The situation has been dealt with > >I never said I want a pat on the back or some kind of reward. I did what's best for me and the people I love. Ik I have a lot to work on, but the not like I'm only one. Keep your negativity to yourself. Ty and have a nice day   &#x200B; **Flairing as concluded as OOP is going NC with her family and her husband returned.** **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My husband beat up my brother

CONCLUDED

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16dk3j6/my_husband_beat_up_my_brother/

16dvoux

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/lucinefromhoenn](https://www.reddit.com/user/lucinefromhoenn/). She posted in r/TwoHotTakes **Trigger Warning:** >!grooming; underage;!< **Mood Spoilers:** >!creepy but OOP is safe!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15zn7xd/i_think_my_friend_is_sabotaging_my_relationships/)**: August 23, 2023** for starters, i (17f) am very close with my brother's (29m, we'll call him austin) best friend (40m, we'll call him dean). i consider dean one of my best friends, and we bonded pretty quick after he moved in with my brother and i almost two years ago. originally, when i first met dean, i was dating a boy who ended up cheating on me two weeks after my birthday. to add onto that, my mother's death anniversary is two weeks after my birthday, so needless to say, i was a complete wreck for a few months. dean had been the one to encourage me to break up with my then boyfriend, and dean told me i was much better off without him. in fairness, im grateful i listened to dean and he was 100% correct about that ex. a few months later, i had met another boy (16m, we'll call him mick) who i connected with quickly, and when i had rambled to dean and austin about mick, dean had asked me what his full name was. at the time, I hadn't found it strange so i had told him. a few days later, mick approached me and asked if i really did know dean, and why dean had been so adamant on mick not talking to me. i felt a mix of anger and confusion, but i remained friends with mick and didn't bring him up to dean anymore nor mention why dean had talked to him. awhile later, dean and austin started going out to the movies once a week with their friends, and they had invited me along. i met their friend who was closer to my age than the others (21m, we'll call him matt) and matt and i had bonded great. we instantly hit it off, and i did find myself getting a bit of a crush on him, but i wasn't going to act on it in any way. i enjoyed simply being matt's friend and teasing him for simple and stupid things. yesterday, dean and austin took me to the movies, and matt and another friend of theirs was waiting for us. dean teased me about being "cutesy" with matt when we had our usual back and forth banter, and i denied it entirely. throughout the whole night, dean kept implying that i had a thing for matt. while it was true, i still didn't need everyone knowing and i didn't know how dean even knew when i treated matt the same as i treated dean and austin. when we got back home, i thanked dean for bringing me along and dean had told me he pulled matt aside and explained to him that me and matt could never be a thing. he also added that if he found out matt was trying to get with me later, both dean and austin would unalive him. i know austin plays into the protective older brother persona, but i also know that austin wouldnt care if i dated his friends because theyre people he approves of. dean however, I don't know why he would've said this. he's never been over protective of me or anything until pretty much last night. so, at this point, im more confused than ever. do i confront dean? do i reach out to matt and try and figure things out? i also feel like i can't really explain this to austin, since im afraid he'll think im overthinking things. what do i do???? edit: i would like to add that matt has never flirted with me in any shape or form. all of our conversations have been purely platonic, and i talk to matt the same way i talk to austin. i can understand where the confusion may have been coming from. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Isn't the weird part a 40 year old hanging out with children?* "personally, i was kinda weirded out by it but honestly if austin trusts him so much, I guess he can't be that bad" *Dean definitely wants to sleep with you- hopefully you don't view him romantically:* "respectfully, i would never be with dean. the age gap wouldn't bother me, but it's just the fact that we're so different from each other and how he thinks he always knows what's right for me without listening to me. so, if that's what he's waiting on, it'll be a long cold day in hell before it happens" *No 40 year old man should be interfering with your love life. He probably is waiting until you are legal:* "he tells me a lot about his ex fiance he was with for 6 years. she's currently 23, and if i did my math correctly, those numbers make me want to reach out to her and ask what happened." "it almost makes me wonder if i remind him of the ex fiance since he has compared us so many times" *Can you try having a fake boyfriend and see what he does?* "I definitely want to try the fake boyfriend experiment. he always seems to take interest in whenever i bring up another boy's name. ive had to explain to him countless times that one of my best guy friends and i will never be a thing because said friend is a gay man and i am far from a man lol. dean always seems to think that any compliment is actually the friend hitting on me, which is 100% not the case." *What is a 40 year old doing living with a 29 year old anyway, and what happens if you share how you feel?* "i know if i tried to tell him about how i feel, it'll turn into one of his spiels about how he knows what's good for me because he's experienced so much and all that so. dean started living with us when he was 38 (and my brother 28, respectfully). dean and austin met years ago when austin was 20 and dean was 30 and had just moved up to my state. they've been best friends since, and austin wanted to help dean when he got kicked out of an apartment he was staying at and it wasn't possible for him to live with his ex fiance." *About Matt:* "matt hasn't flirted with me at all, as far as im aware of. I haven't flirted with him either. but I do agree that with them knowing him better, there may be something weird about him i don't know. you never truly know people" "when i said banter, i meant in the way siblings argue. im close to a lot of my brother's friends, and i talk to them that way a lot." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1640f63/update_i_think_my_friend_is_sabotaging_my/)**: August 28, 2023 (5 days later)** first off, i want to thank everyone for their comments. the past few days have been tiring, but i think im slowly getting some answers. to start, i talked with mick thoroughly about what all dean had said to him. i had asked to see the texts, and mick obligated. from what i saw, dean had convinced him to stop talking to me because i was "already busy enough" (i work a part time job and do Backstage crew for theater, i am not too overwhelmed for relationships/friendships.) and that i was already talking to someone. awkwardly, i told mick the real story and everything that had happened. for the time being, im keeping mick as just my friend, but i urged him to block dean from every platform of social media. i haven't tried to reach out to matt about if what dean had said to him was true, but i did reach out to dean's ex fiance (23f, we'll call her britt). i was a bit surprised she had gotten back to me as i had assumed she didn't like me whenever she visited dean (they're in contact still only for the sake of their 4 yr old child they have together). we talked extensively about dean, where she had met him, and whatever else i could think of. unfortunately, dean wasn't lying about when he met britt. they'd met when she was 17, he'd taken her under his wing and began dating her when she was 18. he got her pregnant when she was 20. when i talked to her about my own experiences about dean, she had seemed confused on how i was so close to dean. from what he told her, dean had said that i never really wanted anything to do with him and i was already out and running around with my friends whenever he came back home. truthfully, dean's always invited me to hang out with him and watch him play video games, with or without austin. it was like that for months, so i don't know why he would've lied about my friendship with dean. he talked me down from anxiety attacks and nights where all i wanted to do was cry. britt seemed uneasy. she asked if austin knew, to which i said yes. she asked me later if i wanted to stay with her for a few nights, with her gaining permission from austin. i checked in with austin before i agreed, im ashamed to admit that i was surprised britt had been truthful about her contact with austin but he agreed. so that's where i am now. britt hasn't been cold toward me at all, and we shared an awkward laugh over how dean had told us both that neither one of us would like the other. i wish i had reached out to britt sooner, she's made me realize that maybe i don't know dean as well as i do. a comment in my previous post made the suggestion of bringing up a new "boyfriend" around dean. i brought the fake boyfriend into most conversations i had with austin and dean or just dean. he always seemed a bit annoyed, bugging me for his name and all that. i had lied and told dean that i was staying at the fake boyfriend's house while i stayed with britt. the night before i left, he seemed restless and he kept asking austin if he had any beer left or sleep medicine since he "knew he wasn't going to sleep at all tonight". i don't know what to do. i want to tell austin, and britt had strongly urged me to, but i don't want to ruin austin and dean's friendship. they're insanely close, and they love each other dearly. im worried about what losing dean will do to austin. i don't want him to think he's alone in any way. i know he'll want to murder dean if he even thought that dean was trying anything with me, and i obviously don't want austin to get in trouble. im just so worried about austin, I don't know what to do. ill keep updating this thread. ***Relevant Comments:*** *You NEED to tell your brother:* "in a few days, ill tell austin. I can't do it right now, I need time to think about how to tell him and to let austin know i don't blame him for any of dean's actions." *Dean may have been using your brother to get to you:* "dean's known austin a lot longer than he's known me, so i want to believe he also truly cares about austin as much as austin cares about him. and yes, i plan on telling austin in a few days time. i need to figure out what i want to say to austin, and make it known i don't blame him or anyone else for dean's actions. ive showed britt and mick this comment, and they both have me covered in case dean tries anything with the police. turning me into a britt 2.0 wouldn't have surprised me, in honesty. dean was correct about us being similar. we're both stubborn, we both have issues with anxiety and standing up for ourselves, and so so so much more. and yes ill stay safe! ill update when i can." *Where the heck are your parents:* "my mother passed away 5 years ago and I have a strained relationship with my dad to where he doesn't want to live with me." *How does your brother not know he's a groomer when Britt was so young?* "britt had said dean told austin that she was older than she was, and austin only figured out she was just 23" **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1685t8n/final_update_i_think_my_friend_is_sabotaging_my/)**: September 2, 2023 (5 days from last post, 10 from OG post)** hey all! i want to thank all of the comments from the last two posts. yall have given me really solid advice, and i appreciate it. i realize how stupid ive been the past few days, and even months with my friendship with dean, and i feel like i owe you all an apology for not dropping him immediately. britt and i took austin out to a small corner cafe in our town not far from home, britt and austin did some casual catch-up and whatnot before i began telling austin everything. i told austin about how dean had been putting himself into my relationships, and how he had lied to me about so many different major things. what i would like to add from the past that i haven't mentioned in the previous two posts is how dean would make so many comments on how i looked, sometimes several in the same day. the closer we got, he got more touchy. he wouldn't touch me somewhere that made me uncomfortable, he would just poke my shoulder a lot to annoy me or ask for hugs. i never really thought anything of the gestures because austin treated me the same (minus the hugs, he isn't very affectionate.) ive always just ignored comments and compliments about how ive looked so i didnt really think about it. but it was always when austin wasn't around. there was once where dean had moved his hand to my hip when we were watching a movie, but it didn't escalate (thank god). i confessed everything to austin and showed him my evidence. britt backed me up and while i wished mick was present with me to show his evidence, my brother doesn't really like any of my friends so i knew mick wouldn't have been welcomed. britt also revealed her true age when she had met dean and later austin as well. austin looked crushed, then furious. i expected him to be mad, but not also hurt. truthfully, i was terrified he was going to blame me for the attention, but he didn't. I know my brother better than anyone, so my overthinking was really stupid yet again. he asked me how long it'd been going on for, and i told him it had started after i broke up with the ex who cheated on me. he wanted to know why i didn't tell him, and I told him i knew how much his friendship with dean meant to him, so i wouldn't interfere with that. he got angry and said that he would've taken my safety over his friendship 100 times over. he apologized and seemed truly crushed. i still feel bad about ruining his friendship with dean, but austin had been insistent that he wouldn't miss dean anytime soon and i wasn't to blame for anything. i got to give my brother a real, genuine hug for the first time in months (i usually only get a real hug when it's our mother's death date anniversary or it's one of our birthdays). i went home with austin that night, who instructed me to stay in my room until he told me it was alright to come back out. he figured that if i had gone to britt's, dean would've come crawling back to her when austin kicked him out and austin wanted dean nowhere near me. there was a lot of yelling, and austin threw the phrase "fucking pedophile" a lot at dean. dean didn't yell at austin, only calmly tried to talk him down before austin interrupted him and told him he had 20 minutes to get his shit and get out of the house before austin would start beating the shit out of him. austin came and collected me roughly 15 minutes later, and i spent a lot of the night by his side. we watched horror movies on the couch and made stupid jokes about the movies. britt had called austin, but it was only to let him know that dean had turned up at her doorstep and he had made the right call. dean had pleaded with britt for him to stay with her, but she rejected and confessed that i had been in contact with her for a few days. she knew everything, and he wouldn't be allowed anywhere near her or his son ever again. she confessed that she didn't know where dean was exactly, but the most probable story was that he was living in his car. so, here we are. this all was a few days ago. i blocked dean's number and austin did the same. britt's stopped by a few times with her kid, checked up on both of us and letting austin spend time with the kid. im glad he'll have a better father figure in his life now. austin hasn't been as open about sharing his friends with me now, which i can live with. britt's the only one im still in good contact with. austin was almost considering having me quit my job at our local gas station in case dean showed up, but i put my foot down on that. i never work alone, and most of the coworkers i share shifts with are men so, ill be just fine. i promised austin I would talk to my boss about the situation and to make sure im not alone (especially on night shifts) and that if he does show up, i don't have to deal with dean. for now, i think that's everything. thanks for sticking with me on this really weird ride. ***Relevant Comments:*** *You really need friends your own age. Also call the cops:* "all my friends are my age, don't worry. i have maybe one that's only a year or two older than me, but the rest are around my age. as for the cops things, we probably should have but my family was always the type to where if you could handle a situation yourself, why involve the cops so. if he comes back around, i know the cops will definitely be called." *You don't need to apologize for ANYTHING. You're young and inexperienced and he preyed on that.* "thank you :( ive felt so weirdly guilty about everything like i did something wrong. i know this is the best outcome, but I still overthink and worry im in the wrong."

I think my friend is sabotaging my relationships

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16dvoux/i_think_my_friend_is_sabotaging_my_relationships/

16dvq0b

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Which_Consequence340 **My fiance cheated on me and I'm pregnant** **Originally posted to** r/TrueOffMyChest **MOOD SPOILER: PLEASE READ THE TRIGGER WARNINGS. You may find this post upsetting, infuriating and traumatizing** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Controlling behavior, infidelity, talk of abortion and miscarriage, verbal and emotional abuse, public humiliation!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/14ov70d/my_fiance_cheated_on_me_and_im_pregnant/)  **July 2, 2023** Pretty much what the title says. My fiance and I have been together three years and I love him more than anything. I know three years isn't that long and I've had longer relationships but mine with him is definitely the most serious by far and not just because he proposed. I've never loved anyone more than him and when I fell for him it was a much stronger and intense connection that I've ever had for anyone in my life. I'm only 26 so I know have time find someone else but I'm so incredibly heartbroken in ways I didn't even imagine I could break. This is by far the worst pain I've ever felt. I don't know how it happened. This was the healthiest relationship I've ever been in, and I was so excited to get married and have our child. He doesn’t even know I'm pregnant because his birthday is next month and I wanted to surprise him. There were none of the usual signs like our relationship declining for the past several months. It was like one day the switch just flipped. I noticed he was first off like two weeks ago after we came home from my friends place after hanging out. He seemed distant but I just chalked it up to him being tired, but then he continued to be a little distant. I know his boss has been on his ass lately about a work project, he's an engineer and I thought he was just stressed about it. These past two weeks we haven't been having intimacy either but that's not out of the normal because when he's really stressed, either with family stuff or work, he isn't usually in the mood. On Friday I went out of town to visit my sister and I just got home today. Originally the plan was for him to go with me but he told me he really needed the weekend to work on his project which I didn't find suspicious AT ALL. He knew what day and what time I would be coming home. Yet when I got into our home the kitchen hadn't been cleaned from what was obviously a romantic dinner and when I got to the bedroom the sheets were a mess and and a woman's lingerie was on the floor by the door. And his pants and their shoes were in the hallway very obviously hastily taken off on the way to our shared bedroom, our shared bed, our shared everything and OUR sacred place. It just seems so careles. He knew what I would see and didn't even bother to clean up. Did he really think I'd stay? Did he really think I just wouldn't care? He's not picking up my calls and when I texted him I realized he'd blocked me. If he was into someone else why didn't he just say that? Why would he let me find out in the most hurtful way in the world? Even worse I know who the girl is because she left her jewelry and its someone who I was insecure about when our relationship first started but that I got over the longer we were together. I don't know what to do, I had to get out of our home so now I'm just crying on my front lawn. I'm too mortified to call anyone close to me and a million thoughts are running through my mind. What am I going to do with the baby? I can't even imagine trying to co-parent with him after a betrayal like this. Why did he do this? What changed? Did he get bored of me? Why wasn't I enough? Why her? Why me? What am I going to tell people? How am I ever going to trust someone again? Where am I going to live? which of of our mutual friends will choose him? Does this mean I can't be friends with his sister anymore? Just so many questions with zero explanations. I can't even put into words how soul damaged, emotionally crushed, and absolutely wrecked I am. I'm so hurt I can't even talk about it. I can't even call my therapist. So now I'm typing it all out because I just HAD to tell SOMEBODY what was happening, even if it was strangers on the internet. A mini update is on my page for anyone who wants it, but I didn't want this post to get too long, so I made a separate post for the update. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/14wiy5c/my_fiancee_cheated_on_me_update/) **July 11, 2023** **UPDATE 1:** Mini update: Hey everyone thank all much for the kind words. Sorry I haven't responded to any comments or anything but really I was just so overwhelmed. I ended up calling my therapist, and currently, I'm staying with my best friend, but just for a few days until I can get a flight to where my parents live. My therapist recommended that I leave this situation off the internet and usually I would listen to her but I know some of you genuinely do care to hear what happens to me so I'm going to post the final update probably tomorrow if I'm not too devastated or the day after. After that, I will most likely delete my account. First thing firsts, I am keeping the baby, where I live I'm too far along to get an abortion, the time span to get one is really short. I'm currently two months, and I haven't started showing. My ex fiance didn't notice because the birth control I take makes me not have a period. But if I'm being completely transparent, I probably would have kept this pregnancy anyway. Second, I took pictures like all of you suggested, and I'm meeting a lawyer later this week. Third, I called his sister and I have no idea what he told them about me, but I've never heard her have so much venom, like what she had on that phone call with me. I told her what happened and she wasn't shocked at all and said in this exact wording 'wow, you really haven't figured out why he did this to you at all have you' and then as she was telling me to never call anyone in their family again I had to shout over her that I was pregnant in case she blocked me. I could hear the shocked silence and told her I would literally piss on a stick in front of her if she didn't believe me. I think she could tell from my voice that I was telling the truth and told me that she would get her brother to meet me at the house later today to talk. And I that I had to tell him I was pregnant myself and she wouldn't 'do that burden for me' she then abruptly hung up. His sister and I have always been close, and I remember how I used to wait all day in the hospital when she was getting treated for her breast cancer. I have no idea what could have made her hate me this much, what lies he could've told her. I just cried so much after this phone call. My best friend is going to go over with me when I talk to him and she's going to wait outside in the car. See you guys tomorrow or later this week. I'm reposting this because I've gotten some comments saying they couldn't see my update. I think it got taken down because I mention the abortion laws where I live. I'm not trying to push any political agenda, or cause a hot topic in the comments, I'm just being truthful about the area in which I live. Sorry that I'm posting later than I said I would but I ended up having a miscarriage because of the stress and needed time to process. **FINAL UPDATE:** when I got into our home my fiance was very callous and cruel. He berated me and would not let me get a word in. He screamed at me that I needed "to drop the victim act" or else he would tell all my friends and family the truth about me. I asked how could I be playing the victim when he's the one who cheated and then let me find out in a abusive, disgusting, and psychotic way. Before I get into the rest of this update I feel like some background information is needed. Before I got with my fiance my hair was completely virgin, it was a brown color that looked red in the sunglight and photos that i LOVED, and his was pink. When we got close I learned that it was pink in support of his sister who got diagnosed with breast cancer. About 8 months in, I decided to dye my hair pink for his sister's upcoming breast cancer surgery. Him and his entire family was touched by the gesture and everyone ended up dying their hair pink before her surgery. My fiance was especially touched because he knew how much I really liked my natural color. After his sister went into remission we started to doing cute matching couple hair of all different colors. When we visited my friend a couple weeks ago she was making a video of memories from over the years because one of our friend's big 30 is coming up and she plans to show it at the party. After we came home from her place this was when I first noticed he was off. He saw a video on her computer of me with very bright red hair which is not my natural color even in the sunlight which is maybe a shade red above auburn. Before i go any further this video was from mid 2019 before we got together and was NOT real dye. It was one of those non bleach, non damge, hair waxes that come out after a single wash. In this video I'm making out with a former male friend of mine. We were bar hopping and you can see us in the back kissing as we're walking to the next bar. Last summer my fiance and I dyed our hair bright red like what's on the video and he thought that I had cheated on him because he knows my hair was virgin before I dyed it pink in support of his sister. While we were arguing he kept telling that I had cheated first and that my f*cking hair was red and that's how he knew that I had cheated with (old male friend's name) that I cut off because we'd slept together once before I got with my fiance and that made him uncomfortable. And that he'd saw it all on (my friends name) computer. And that's why he slept with his female friend because he'd wanted me to hurt like he did. I kept yelling at him that I had never cheated on him and had genuinely no idea what the hell he was talking about. I was so confused, upset, hurt, and angry that I started cramping in the middle of our shouting fest. My fiance thought I was faking it until a large amount of blood started coming from private area. He called the ambulance and my friend came inside to check if I was okay because I'd been there for a while at this point. At this point I'd hadn't even gotten the chance to tell him I was pregnant and my friend had to do so as I yelled out in AGONIZING physical pain. The ambulance came in 11 minutes but by the time I reached the hospital it was too late. My baby was gone. From there word got out and my friend (the one with the video) heard about everything and she came and showed him proof that the video he was talking about was from before we were together and taken in mid 2019. She showed me too because up until that point I had completely forgotten about that night and had no idea what he was talking about. I then explained to him that it was just hair wax. I'm devastated about the baby. Despite everything I truly wanted to keep it and I feel so hollow now. So wrecked. I don't know what to do about my relationship he has genuinely apologized to me and I know he only did what he did because he thought I had cheated on him, but I don't know if I'll ever be able to get over this. If I'll always resent him for the miscarriage. But I still love him so much and I still can't even imagine life without him. Before his mother learned the truth she made a scathing Facebook post about me and 'my cheating' and since then his entire family has all formally apologized to me but I'm still getting calls from extended family members and friends who still havent heard the truth calling me hurtful things and telling me I deserved my miscarriage and that's what I got for trying to 'baby trap' him. It's another kick to my already broken soul. And as of right now my social reputation is in tatters because of the post. My fiance or rather ex fiance wants to make one big post just addressing everything but I honestly don't even have the energy and I can't imagine of all this drama for all of our loved ones to see that cut me so deeply just plastered on Facebook. His mom has tried to call but I've been declining all of them because also in her post she added some really nasty things she didn't like about me before she found out about the 'cheating' that I didn't know she felt about and I just feel really hurt about every mean thing she wrote about my personality, looks, character, depression and anxiety episodes, and past. I'm currently staying with parents in a AirBnB because I felt like I had to confront everything's front on and stay here but they wanted to be here to support me. Guys I thought I was broken before but I'm going to be completely candid and say that I've considering not living since the miscarriage. A part of me also feels like my relationship which I loved more than myself is over which just makes me feel so sick. So many things are being said about me and all I want to do is dissappear, but I know that I can't for the sake of the people I love and I won't. Anyhow that's the update. I don't know where my life goes from here but it felt only fair to update you guys one last time. ##**NEW UPDATE** * [New update](https://reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/bF8ylhmtKr)  **Sept 2, 2023** Hey guys I know it's been a bit and many of you were very worried about me. To be honest I just couldn't handle reading all the responses and just needed a mental break. Also I wasn't expecting as many comments as I received so I just ended up silencing my notifications. I'm finally ready to respond now so here's the update. No my fiance and I are not getting back together but I did forgive him. We had an incredibly long talk about everything and I know he's genuinely remorseful about what took place but I knew nothing would ever be the same in our relationship so I just had to leave it behind. We made the Facebook post and many people called to apologize but I didn't forgive any of the ones who made light of my miscarriage and I'm very distant with all the others who just cut me off before even hearing my side. I sold the ring and with that I bought myself a plane ticket for next month. My parents and I are American but we used to visit this one country almost every summer when I was growing up and they moved there after i finished high-school. I'm going to move there too. I really like the country but i never planned on moving there because I had a life here for me. College and then getting into a relationship with my ex, i was just really happy. Seeing as how that's over now there's nothing holding me back and I have lots friends there from over the summers. 3 girls have even offered to be roommates and have called me at least 4 times every week just to support me. But the for the moment I think I'm just going to live there with my parents. Thank you everyone for the support and how much you've worried about me. I'm no where near healed but I know I'm on the right path. Bye guys **ADDED COMMENT FROM OOP** [Here](https://reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/yUjzIiGrvg) I know it may be hard for you guys to believe it, but he is genuinely sorry. It's in no way enough to balance out what happened, but at heart, he's not an evil guy, just a stupid one. Which somehow, to me, at least, feels a little more pathetic. When he found out the truth, he was sick. I mean that figuratively and quite literally. As in, he kept throwing up every time he tried to apologize to me and even had some very real panic attacks. I know they were real because I felt his pulse spike when he had them around me, and he even passed out at work, his boss called an ambulance. The doctors told him it was an anxiety attack. They wanted him to consider medicine or at least meet with a psychiatrist, but he refused. I'm not going into that topic because it involves some very personal information that I would never tell about him. Even after what his family did, I'm just not that person, and I refuse to let them make me into someone I'm not. He paid for all my medical bills and agreed to sell our house and told me 100% of the profit could go to me. Not to mention, he had no qualms about me keeping and eventually selling the engagement ring. He's wished me the best on my journey and has let me know repeatedly that if he could take it all back, he would. But he can't, so I have to move on. Finally, a lot of you have been saying that he used this opportunity to cheat with someone he always wanted to. He swears that that was not the case, and he only slept with her specifically because he knew that I was insecure about her the same way he was insecure about the guy he thought I cheated with. This is the only thing he says that I'm not sure is completely true. But it doesn't matter anymore because I will never call this man my husband. * **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My fiance cheated on me and I'm pregnant

NEW UPDATE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16dvq0b/my_fiance_cheated_on_me_and_im_pregnant/

16dvsps

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/-TerrificTerror- **Am I wrong for expecting people to pay my kid?** **Originally posted to** r/Parenting **Original BoRU** [here](https://reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/mGOqXp8vef) [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/14se2l3/am_i_wrong_for_expecting_people_to_pay_my_kid/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2)  **July 6, 2023** My child (9) has recently gotten in to baking. She's really passionate about it and it has sparked most of our familymembers to stimulate said passion by requesting her to bake small items they happen to be craving right as they're coming over/have invited us over. They're always very small things like "ooh i'd sure love some brownies" or simular and since people asking/complimening her genuinely makes her heart smile I only support it and don't mind paying for the ingredients. Now, one of my familymembers is hosting a gathering and asked my daughter to bake 75(!) cupcakes. They said they would take her shopping for ingredients. She asked me if she could and I said sure (I supervise oven-related steps and have to be present). Afterwards I contacted said familymember to get some specifics as to allergies and other nonsense and brought up the fact that she was so excited to have her very first, paying customer. Said familymember was apparantly appaled at the expectation of paying my child for hours of labor and stated that since she is a minor and doesn't have a genuine business yet she shouldn't expect payment because "taxes" I replied that if she feels that strong she should order from a "genuine business" because there is no way in any universe I am going to let someone exploit my child like that. She accused me of "promoting childlabor" and when I retorted that she appeared to be fine with said childlabor until she had to pay for it she hung up on me. Now, some additional info; - I didn't expect a full hourly wage, just something extra to thank her for her hard work. - She has been putting every cent she gets in allowance or earns towards more baking supplies, I expect she would have done the same with this money but that's entirely up to her. - If said familymember decides not to pay I am still going to let her make the big order, pay her in full and take the food down to a local foodbank so she still gets the money and the experience. As fellow-parents, how would you have approached this situation? I feel like I potentially robbed my kid of an experience she would have enjoyed out of personal principle. EDIT: Some more info as it appears to be mentioned a lot. • This is not a close familymember. She is the kind of relative you only see at funerals or weddings. • All the money my children earn goes to them 100%. • Yes, I do pay them for the chores they do. • No, I am not trying to turn my daughters hobby in a business, I am only supporting and teaching her wherever she takes is. • I do not feel any kind of strong emotion towards said relative. I don't dislike her at all. • We aren't American. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **TheCarzilla** >Does your kid enjoy being with this person? Sounds like it could have just been a fun afternoon activity with someone special, while you’re turning this person into a “paying customer.” I’d be insulted if I offered to my niece/granddaughter/who ever that I bring them shopping for ingredients so we could do cupcakes together, and then I somehow turn into a paying customer. As for the exact count of 75, any time I’m cooking with my kids, I do so with the full understanding that I’ll end up doing 92% of the work anyway **OOP replied** >1) She sees this person twice a year and has no relationship with her. 2) She promoted herself to customer as according to my daughter she said "How would you like your very first customer". 3) She would be baking them from home and I would be driving them to the event, the relative would not be involved. Even if she were to be the only thing she needs help with is putting things in or taking out of a hot oven. So she does 99% of the work herself. **COMMENT FROM OOP** >>"Did the child expect payment" >Yes she did. The relative said, according to my daughter; "How would you like your very first customet". >My daughter isn't an idiot. Customers pay for services/goods and when she asked me if she was allowed to do it she rven offered to share the profits with me for "supervising" her, which I obviously declined. >>"Sounds like you may have made a fun, pleasant experience a stressful one." >As of now she is still unaware of this, I am going to resolve this. Either she bakes for the relative and gets paid by her or she bakes for the foodbank and gets paid by me. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/14u3igf/am_i_wrong_for_expecting_people_to_pay_my_kid/)  **July 8, 2023** First of all, thank you for all the advice. Some things were really helpful and I have put a lot of it in use. To those accusing me of trying to profit off of my child, monetizing something that should be fun or being a shitty parent in general; go headbutt a moose. I have sat my daughter down and explained to her that the relative did not intend on paying her, that she was welcome to do the work for free if she so desired but that she also was allowed to decline her request. We proceeded to have an entire discussion about the differences about doing someone a favor (like a pan of brownies) and "labor" (like catering an event.) I emphasised it was her decision and she would have my help & support whichever way she went. She ended up asking that if it were possible for her to attend the event in stead of recieving payment so she could see the people eat her cupcakes (and brag about making them), which the relative declined because it was a childfree event and she could not make exceptions. We both found this fair enough and she requested a set of baking pans in sizes she doesn't have yet as payment, which the relative also declined because "why should she give her gifts while it was the relatives time to be celebrated." She went on to say that my child was ruining the party by refusing to do dessert because "she counted on it". My daughter was starting to feel guilty and I stepped in, gave her a list of local bakeries and at home bakers she could contact and wished her a fantastic day. Reassured my kid and we went on to go shopping for the baking tins ourselves. About 2 hours later the relative, undoubtedly having contacted bakers/bakeries called and offered my daughter a giftcard for a local shop that sells all kinds of cooking and baking supplies, she happily accepted and we thought that was that. The relative really stepped up her game in making up for the nonsense as she arranged for my kid (and myself to supervise) to be allowed in the venues kitchen and make the cupcakes there, as the venue owners (who also cater the venue) feel like young passion should be encouraged. I have ordered her her very first tiny apron and she is beyond excited to experience a commercial kitchen, and watching her heart smile makes my mom-heart happy. ##**NEW UPDATE** * [Final Update](https://reddit.com/r/Parenting/s/aaBYN4hpcA)  **Sept 2, 2023** Heya all! As promised I am letting you guys know how things ended up going for my 9yr old catering my relatives event. (For those who want to catch up, here are the original posts /r/Parenting/s/J6rVYJVbHq /r/Parenting/s/axgbh1srzo Today was the big day. This morning we went over to the venue where she was allowed to make a grand total of 76 cupcakes (because the chef found that 75 was an absurd number to order cupcakes in.) She got to use professional materials and got tips and tricks from an actual patissier. Her smile didn't leave her face for half a second and she genuinely had the time of her life. She got everything she was promised as payment and got the businesscard of the chef she worked with, and the promise that if she's still baking when she hits 16, there 'll be an internship waiting for her. My kid has been beaming all day, it was absolutely worth it. Thanks for all the kind words and advice! **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Am I wrong for expecting people to pay my kid?

NEW UPDATE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16dvsps/am_i_wrong_for_expecting_people_to_pay_my_kid/

16dvtfr

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/LeluWater **WIBTA if I asked my husband to stand up for me?** **Originally posted to** r/AITAH **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!VerbL abuse!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/8kKYSZxvjT) **Sept 1, 2023** I (28f) and my husband (29m) are very happily married. My husband is in the army and I won’t see him until December. He left a few months ago. Before he left, he dropped off his triathlon bike at a local shop to get repaired. (I say local but the shop is 2 towns over. Approximately a 40 minute drive) Last week I was able to talk to my husband for a short while and he mentioned that his bike is ready and will I pick it up for him? Well a few days ago I was able to get to the shop and I inquired with the owner about the bike. The owner is an older man, maybe mid 60s age. I was the only customer in the small business and there were 3 young teenager-ish employees working on other bikes. I gave my husbands name and asked if they were able to find the parts needed to repair the bike. That’s when the old man went off on me. He was absolutely screaming the entire time Me: “Were you able to find whatever parts were needed?” Him: “You think I remember that?? This bike was done two months ago! We called you in June!” They had obviously attempted to call my husband in June but he doesn’t have access to his phone. I immediately apologized and attempted to explain that I didn’t personally get any phone call, and that my husband is in the military. But he wasn’t listening and cut me off. Him: “Yeah well I’ll tell you something, I was in the military too, I have cancer in my ear from being in the military!!” Me: “Oh, Thankyou for your-“ Him: “DONT THANK ME!” Me: “…ok” Him: “We appreciate you coming in here but being late to pick this up isn’t helping us out!!” Me: “I’m sorry I didn’t know about it” Him: “It’s $540.00” That price was way out of my budget, I had no idea it would be that expensive but I payed anyway, I didn’t want to argue with someone who was already screaming and practically spitting in my face. I still don’t know if the price for the specific repair is justified or if he charged me more because he was angry. He ran my card, and one of the teenage employees loaded the bike into my vehicle. While outside I apologized to the kid too, and mentioned that I only get to speak with my husband for 10-20 minutes once a week and I didn’t even know that the bike was ready The kid was like: “Yeah, it was just bad timing” and walked off Whatever that means I cried the whole way home. I had my first genuine trauma response in ages because of that awful interaction. I didn’t get out of bed for two days. I don’t respond well to being screamed at due to childhood abuse from my father. I get to talk to my husband sometime this upcoming weekend. WIBTA if I asked him to call the shop owner and stick up for me? Or are we in the wrong for not being punctual in picking up the bike? As far as I know there’s no posted rules about how long you are allowed to leave a bike there and I didn’t see any posted rules on their website about it either. On one hand I understand that owning a small business is hard, and maybe they really could have used the money earlier in the season. But on the other hand, the prosperity of the small business isn’t my personal responsibility, I had no idea the bike was ready, and I didn’t deserve to be screamed at like that. I feel like it was an incredibly inappropriate interaction on the shop owners part, especially considering I was more than polite and apologetic the entire time. Should I ask my husband to stick up for me and call out the shop owner for being cruel? Would I be the asshole if I did? Am I already the asshole? I need advice on this one. [Update](https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/GqmXyuBHMF) **Sept 2, 2023** For the purpose of this update I’m going to call my husband Adrian (fake name) Thankyou for the few people who replied and gave me a verdict and advice. I was able to speak with my husband Adrian briefly today. I told him about the situation. He seemed upset and said he was going to call the bike shop. According to Adrian, in his call logs, texts, or voicemails, he never even received a message from the shop in June stating that his bike was done being repaired. (Which is one of the original points that the old man owner tried to make when I stopped by the store.) Adrian called the bike shop today and spoke with the owner. It ended up turning into a screaming match between Adrian and the rude old man who runs the place. My husband told the owner that if the shop had a problem, then they shouldn’t have taken it out on me. And if there was an issue it could have been discussed between Adrian and the owner. My husband also mentioned to the owner that he never even received an update about the bike two months ago. The shop owner tried to argue and say that wasn’t true, but neither Adrian or I got a call from this place. The owner ALSO still tried to justify his actions toward me. (How could he actually think yelling at an innocent 3rd party is okay??) After hearing the old man not back down or apologize for yelling at me, the conversation escalated. It was a heated exchange. Lots of back and forth. Adrian eventually ended up blocking the shop’s number and vowed to never recommend anyone to go to that store again. My husband said he was really agitated from the conversation and that he needed to go cool down. He promised to try and call me again later today. I feel like I should mention that Adrian is a total social butterfly, very kind, and easy to get along with. So having a disagreement of this nature isn’t the norm for him. It’s not like either of us go around picking fights. In regards to the bike repairs being $540.00usd, apparently that was around the expected price for the repairs that needed to be done. The repairs were extensive, but still much cheaper than buying a new triathlon bike. I’m happy about my husband sticking up for me, I feel comforted knowing that he cares. It also makes me feel good about our future together. I know that isn’t the point of the post but it feels good having your partner defend your honor. I also feel vindicated knowing that I wasn’t the asshole and that I wasn’t overreacting. As for the shop owner, I hope he has to mow his lawn on a hot day, and gets one of those bad hangnails that rips the skin down the side of your finger. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

WIBTA if I asked my husband to stand up for me?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16dvtfr/wibta_if_i_asked_my_husband_to_stand_up_for_me/

16dvvxh

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Existing-Narwhal-742](https://www.reddit.com/user/Existing-Narwhal-742/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Mood Spoiler:** >!tentatively hopeful!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15ve2da/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_i_want_to_spend/)**: August 19, 2023** I (28f) have been with my girlfriend (28f) for over 6 years now and due to her mental health we haven’t had a chance to go on a date in a very long time. I have invited her out multiple times but she always refuses which again I fully understand why. We finally planned to go to my favourite park and have dinner afterwards (which she offered to pay for) and I was so excited to finally spend quality time with her. We live together and spend time together indoors but it isn’t the same as going out on a date so I was really looking forward to it. She decided to visit her sister and nieces yesterday and stay the night which I thought was lovely, they haven’t seen each other in a while so it’s not a problem. So this morning I get ready to have a shower as we planned to meet for lunch at the park, she checks in with me to make sure that everything is still good and then messages me to tell me that she invited her nieces and sister along as they would love to go to the park. I’m a little confused as I thought this was a date, which I mention and she said that spending time with the girls would make the date even better for her. Now I do not have an issue with going to the park with them, honestly if this was just a random park trip I would have said bring them along anyway as that would have been nice but… this was supposed to be a date? So I explained to her that I wanted to spend quality time with her today and I wished she asked me first before inviting anyone along. She got upset and starts saying that the girls will always come first and that she hasn’t spent any quality time with them at all this week but has done so with me. In my eyes a date is very different to spending time alone at home. We had a little argument but I made it clear to her that my issue isn’t the fact that we were going to spend time with the girls that day, I love spending time with them and her sister but that this was supposed to be a date. I said we could have just rescheduled the date and had a park outing with them today instead but she was telling me that I’m selfish and that she can’t believe how I can be such a terrible person. She then said this word for word “if we had planned a candlelight dinner by the beach or something, and they want to go they can. If you want to date me you should get used to them crashing our dates” I have not yet replied to her message. I feel as though that it’s important that it’s just me and her otherwise it isn’t a date and at the moment I don’t feel special to her or valued as a partner and I should now go into every date with the expectation that she will bring someone along with her. She has now cancelled as she showed her sister our messages and they said they don’t want to go out now because of this mess. I spoke to my sister and she agrees with me that a date is between the couple, not family. So Reddit, AITA when I said I wanted to spend our date with just her and not anyone else? EDIT: Thank you all for the support! I have posted a quick update in the comments. Nothing big just addressing a few Q’s! ***Relevant Comments:*** *OOP's thoughts on sister:* "I was quite uncomfortable by this to be honest and apparently her sister doesn’t see anything wrong with anything my girlfriend said and agrees that the girls should be the priority. I don’t know exactly what she said but I had a quick talk with my girlfriend, which unfortunately didn’t really go anywhere but we plan to talk again in the morning so hopefully I’ll have a full update by then, and she said her sister went full mama-bear mode despite the fact I mentioned multiple times the issue isn’t spending time with the girls which they both seem hung up on. But to be honest she has always been quite… aggressive I guess I can describe it in her love for her daughters. For example, my girlfriend and I both caught covid around Halloween last year, we planned a small kids party as the girls love Halloween and dressing up but obviously we had to cancel it and she got upset and said we have disappointed her daughters who were looking forward to a party. We offered to just postpone it but she said it’s too late and she will just have to do something else with them so they still have a good Halloween. I remember we visited them a month after and out loud she said that Sarah (fake name, the oldest daughter) asked why they didn’t have a kids party for Halloween and was sad about it. Almost immediately Sarah looked at her confused and said “I didn’t say that”. I tried very hard not to smile and laugh at that. Of course she didn’t say anything after that because she was caught out." *"Get used to them crashing our dates" is incredibily extreme:* I completely agree with everything you said. I also just tried to speak with my girlfriend about everything and it’s pretty much solidified what I will do next. She clearly placed their needs above my own mental health and told me I am being abusive to them and will give them trauma later in life because I have only seen them once since they have been off school the past three weeks. I work full time and after I visited them earlier this month my wisdom tooth got infected and I was in too much pain to do anything let alone be around kids, not to mention the fever. Luckily it passed during the week last week 🙏 But she basically screamed at me calling me a bunch of horrible names and I think this is where I will cut things off with her. Thank you all for the advice. I will probably provide a full update post at a later date as I’m not sure what will happen from here." **Quick update in comments (4-5 hours later)** "Hey everyone, so super quick update - I decided to go for a walk by myself to the park and I enjoyed it! Of course I would have preferred to be there in different circumstances but I didn’t want to just stay home and wallow in self-pity. I got back home just under an hour ago and spent this time thinking about what to do and after reading all of your messages I just wanted to thank you all for the support, I’m glad to know I wasn’t just making a big deal out of nothing as I was starting to believe. I of course do not want to be a low priority in any relationship and will speak to her about it when she gets home. I still haven’t responded to her message as I would prefer to speak in person which I will do when she gets home from her sister’s house. A few notes to answer some questions- No she does not work due to the intense therapy she receives. I won’t go into detail about her issues as it is not my place to say. As mentioned above she is currently going through DBT therapy which has been helping a lot hence why we were able to finally schedule a time for the date today. I do support her financially but she has also helped me out to many times as she does receive her own form of income, she even offered to pay for the dinner today so it definitely is not just one way, so I highly doubt she is just with me for money. No she does not have kids of her own only her two nieces, f3 and f5. I will make a full update again once I have spoken to her properly, in the meantime I will do something for myself and do some gardening! Once again thank you all for the support!" ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/168jo95/update_aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_i_want_to/)**: September 2, 2023 (2 weeks later)** Just want to start with thanking everyone who commented on my original post, I was honestly not sure whether I was right or in the wrong. It helped so much to be validated so thank you all again. A lot has happened since I made my first post so I’ll try to condense it as much as I can. After reading your comments and realising I actually do have a reason to want to spend a date alone with my girlfriend I decided to try to talk to her when she got home and also explain a few things to her that I did not realise myself until reading your comments, sometimes it’s hard to get your point across properly through text so it’s always best to speak face to face. When my girlfriend came home later that day I tried to talk to her but she blew up and nothing really was solved so I tried again the next day and it went pretty much the same way, she was denying she had done anything wrong and telling me I was the one in the wrong. Eventually I just told her that I couldn’t do this anymore or be with someone who thinks that what she did was ok, I think this sent her into a panic because she became even more verbally aggressive to the point I just left the convo and didn’t talk to her. We barely spoke for a few days while I tried to figure out what to do until she came to me and asked to talk. She explained that she had thought about what I said to her when she came home and understood why I was upset. I then found out that her sister had been feeding her a lot of hate about me and explained that because of her mental health condition she can be very easily manipulated into a certain viewpoint, which I honestly do see. She apologised and I did tell her how hurt I was by everything and it will take a long time to get over this to which she said she understood. Some of you suggested placing boundaries in the relationship, I brought this up in the conversation, suggested a few boundaries and she has agreed to and respects this which I was quite shocked to hear. Since that day things have been ok between us and we have been taking things slow, she has also come to the realisation that the relationship she has with her sister is extremely toxic and how manipulative she is. A fight happened between them a few days ago, I don’t really have the space to go into detail but it really put into perspective how narcissistic and manipulative she is. My girlfriend has since again apologised to me for everything and I have accepted her apology. I can see how she was being manipulated by her sister. I’m not sure what will happen moving forward but just wanted to give an update as people have been asking and to let you guys know that things between my girlfriend and I have now been sorted. Thank you all again for your comments on my first post, it really did help with resolving this situation! I just hope that my girlfriend doesn’t get sucked back into her sister’s way of thinking again. We will just have to wait and see! ***Relevant Comments:*** *Are you able to let go of your resentment, but also if she is so easily manipulated how do you move forward?* "At the moment we are taking things slow so I can’t say for sure how things will turn out but I am hopeful that things will change in that regard. Of course, I am still hurt about the way she treated me that day but I hope in time it will pass and we can have a healthy relationship. Only time will tell" *Can she go to therapy? It seems like she needs a professional* "Absolutely I completely agree, she is already in therapy and is actively working with her therapist on the issue and others in her life. In just the past two weeks alone I’ve seen a big change due to the work they have been doing which is great to see" **Editor's note- a reminder that OOP is female!**

AITA for telling my girlfriend I want to spend our date alone with her and not with her sister and nieces?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16dvvxh/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_i_want_to_spend/

16dw1ua

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/TAnotanincubator](https://www.reddit.com/user/TAnotanincubator/). She posted in r/relationship_advice **Trigger Warnings:** >!verbal and emotional abuse; mental health issues!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!generally hopeful for OOP!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/166k1rj/my_35f_husband_36m_wants_to_keep_everyone_away/)**: August 31, 2023** Apologies for the long post, I just want to present the circumstances fairly. Also, I have no idea whether this actually needs to be said, but please don't post this elsewhere. **(Editor's note- I have OOP's permission to post and she clarified in the comments of this post that she meant do not share** ***outside*** **of reddit.)** Even before I got pregnant, my husband has always been very concerned with the safety of our children. We've had conflict over the year about it, mostly due to how he chooses to handle the conversations about such decisions. He will, from my perspective, come out of the blue with a hard line statement (e.g. "We're not doing X with the baby ever," or "I don't want Y to happen until they're such-and-such age"), and then he characterizes any questioning on my end as fighting him. I want to be on the same page with parenting choices, so it feels wrong not to even ask his reasons or to provide counterpoints when it seems like he's being a bit extreme and not really considering the whole picture. His opinions in this area usually involve something that *I* have to do differently, and he will misrepresent any resistance as unwillingness to sacrifice for our child the way he would. I am currently 35 weeks pregnant, and last night when we were watching TV my husband just randomly stated that he didn't want anyone visiting the baby until she is six weeks old. I asked if that included my mother, and he said it did. When I asked his reasons, he mentioned germs and safety, so I looked up some advice from doctors online (which just advised caution with out of town guests, and to set boundaries for contact) and he said I was only doing that to prove him wrong. I said I'd like to ask our midwife, and he said that I was just using that to stall and get my own way since the appointment isn't until next week. I asked him why safety is a concern once the baby is born, but he's apparently fine with my mom being in the room during the birth itself, and apparently this is just...different? The conversation eventually came to a standstill and we paused it for the night. He left the room and texted me a lot of negative things, but nothing was really out of line until he said that he'd do anything for our child so why am I not willing to just do what he asks? This is something I've called him out for more than once, presenting himself as some martyr and me as a villain who won't put her child first. This is completely and verifiably untrue, but he doesn't care when he's been questioned. I spent a long time after we went to bed trying to empathize with his feelings and think about a middle ground. We picked up where we left off this afternoon, and he explained he handled it badly because he didn't realize how little margin he had last night, but he didn't change his opinion at all. I offered to compromise by keeping the baby isolated for the entirety of his time off (2.5 weeks PTO, since he doesn't get paternity leave), and when he goes back to work I'll have my mom come by now and then to help me out. She won't stay the night and she will respect whatever boundaries we set, even to the point of keeping a change of clothes for her at the apartment so she doesn't bring outside germs. I asked him not to choose, just to take time to consider it. He rejected this immediately and said I was trying to force his hand when he only wanted to keep the baby safe. I reminded him that not only did I not find any information supporting his view on complete isolation, but my mom especially is very respectful of boundaries and rules regarding other people's children. He brought up several issues with my family that mostly were due to him not actually stating a boundary but expecting them to follow it. I also reminded him that I've bent over backwards to make sure he felt acknowledged as an equal parent and that I don't just tell him how things are going to be. He didn't have much to say to that. The conversation kind of went around and around, he started getting dismissive and a bit mean, I started raising my voice, etc. We both left the room, but when he returned, he said he was tired of the conflict and just agreed to the compromise on the condition of my mom not kissing the baby, which I had already reassured him of. This would be fine, except that I know this will come up again, and he is going to complain about being railroaded and that he just gets beaten down when all he wants is what is best for the baby. It may be pride on my part, but I have next to no tolerance for people trying to manipulate me by twisting a situation like that. I'm not some monster that forced his hand, I actually spent time thinking about his feelings and tried to prioritize him as a father. Anyway, I was angry, so I was a bit spiteful and just told him either actually spend time thinking on the compromise or we will just do whatever he wants because I'm over the argument. He doubled down on being a victim and went to work, and I'm just angry and over it. A few bits for clarity that I couldn't fit in: 1. This is a low risk pregnancy, no issues with the baby thus far, and no reason to suspect premature birth. So the safety concerns are not for a baby that is any more at risk than the average. 2. He keeps the same energy with his own family, including his mom. He doesn't want ANYONE outside of us to be around the baby for that time, and he clarified that he isn't keeping my mom away out of fairness either. 3. I told him while I understand the desire for safety, I really need my mom for emotional support. I am already showing signs of perinatal depression and anxiety. It is not to a level of real concern yet, but I have no idea how birth will affect me, and a big part of why my symptoms aren't as bad right now is because my mom is around so often. He basically spent the rest of the conversation saying he already knew that, but now he can't rely on me or trust me because I don't know how I'll handle things mentally. He also said he didn't understand why I needed her there because he would already do everything even while he's working, and implied that I don't really have to do much because he'd be there. I don't think he means that last part the way he said it, but it was still uncalled for. 4. My husband and my mom get along quite well. The worst thing he's ever said about my mom is just that she didn't seem to want to chat with him one morning. There has never been any conflict between them, so I don't think its about my mom at all. 5. A lot of issues like this come up due to his OCD. I am flexible enough as a person to handle the intricacies of the disorder, but I really struggle with being both sympathetic and also not a doormat when it comes to how he chooses to communicate and handle his feelings. He can't help how he feels about this, but I think it's reasonable to expect him to be respectful when he communicates with me about those feelings. 6. A lot of his safety/wellness concerns come from his own past. He and his brother were born prematurely and have lasting health problems due to his father being a source of stress and abusive towards his mother. Many of the things he wants to do for our child are a direct correlation to things his parents didn't do for him, or things he didn't get that a child deserves to have. That's why this issue is so delicate. 7. This is not an everyday issue. He is usually very supportive of me and does care about my feelings. It's just when he gets something in his mind that bothers him, he puts me to the side and refuses to reconsider because he's now correlated his own issue to the safety of the baby and it's nonnegotiable. I genuinely feel at a loss. Am I being unreasonable here? I don't think it would be right for me as a parent to not ask questions when he makes a decision that affects the family. I want him to care about what is best for me as well as what is best for the baby, and not essentially tell me to get over it and to make sacrifices like him, but I feel like I'm already doing that. How can I be respectful of his feelings as an active father but also not leave myself without extra support? How can I help him understand that the health of the mother affects the health of the baby? ***Relevant Comments:*** *What is he doing to manage his OCD?* "He's come a long way from when we met as far as handling his OCD, mostly due to me confronting him about it in the past. But outside of me giving him alternative methods to cope, he's not gotten significant help for it. This is a concern I've brought up to him before, that he'd damage his child emotionally while trying to protect them physically. I know it's serious, and it is something I obviously need to address again. I plan to push individual therapy for both of us." *More about husband and brother and their father:* "I've asked my husband before whether he thought his father always just had evil intentions, or if he genuinely (wrongly) thought he was doing what was best as a dad. He knows there is likely some similarity between how they handled the stresses of fatherhood, and I will definitely be reminding him that his father continually refused therapy for his own trauma, and now both of his sons want nothing to do with him." *This is a partnership. Does he always act like this with decisions?* "It's sad because we are usually great about discussing things and resolving them, but things like this just randomly come up and it's like he forgets who he married and chose to have a family with." *To people who say she shouldn't have married him if he displayed this behavior from day 1:* "That is hard to read, but I can appreciate your perspective. He wasn't this way from the beginning, just a few incidents here and there, but I watched him genuinely improve over time in a meaningful way. Even now, these problems arise and we usually deal with them a lot better than we have this one. I know I should have pushed therapy for him and for myself a long time ago, and I do regret that. I do have a limit though, and if he doesn't choose to do this work for the sake of his child and himself, I will do what I have to to protect my child." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/168j3li/update_my_35f_husband_36m_wants_to_keep_everyone/)**: September 2, 2023 (2 days later)** My previous post can be found [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/166k1rj/my_35f_husband_36m_wants_to_keep_everyone_away/) I want to thank everyone who commented for their support and advice. It was really important for me to think on how I needed to step up for my child and address my husband's problematic behaviors before they go too far. I want them to have the best of both parents, and that can't happen without me being proactive when he gets panicked and controlling. I took some time away with my mom after posting here the other day, and I shared our conversation with her. She was understandably angry and worried for me. She assured me that she and my father will always be there to step in if he doesn't get himself together. I ended up showing her my post and the comments, and she was glad that other people recognized how unhealthy this situation is. She did say I seem a lot more demure in my writing than I am in real life, so I wanted to clarify that though I was conflicted about how to handle things with my husband, I was coming from a place of feeling guilty for possibly being selfish rather than actually considering just doing ridiculous things simply because he demands it. I am not conflict-averse, but I like to compromise when I can to avoid the trouble. This is obviously one of those areas where compromise cannot be made in favor of his fear. I understand that now, and I thought very hard on how to approach our resolution to this issue. He asked to resolve things yesterday. He began by explaining that his demand had come from a place of being absolutely overwhelmed, but that wasn't an excuse to act the way he did. He backed off of the ultimatum completely. He said he wants what is best for the baby and for me, and that he would just like people visiting to observe basic boundaries that I had already reassured him would be followed to the letter. He apologized unreservedly for his behavior, and said he was so worried because he knew if anything bad happened to his child, it would just break him. I was really affected by a lot of the comments and I tried to keep your advice in mind when I responded. When he was finished, I told him I understood that he was coming ultimately from a place of concern, but he needs to consider how this attitude will affect his child in the future. It won't just magically disappear, it will continue unless he decides to get help. I told him he needs to weigh the importance of his child's mental health at least as equal to their physical health, and I asked him how different he thought his own life would be now if both of his parents had gotten therapy. I also told him his father probably felt a similarly concerned about him and his brother, but that made him miserable and vindictive, and they've been fully NC because of that for decades now. I think that part really got to him, honestly. He said he doesn't want to be anything like his father, so I told him the solution is therapy for him and reminded him that I am also planning to go to therapy so I can give our child the best of myself. He waffled a bit about it, saying he had already planned to go again but had put it on the back burner for the sake of taking care of medical needs so he could continue to provide. Normally I would have let this go, but I pressed him and said our child deserves for him to prioritize this sooner rather than later, and he needs to go in the next month or so. He agreed to this, and I felt that he was too stressed to handle me rehashing every detail where he messed up, so I prioritized the necessary information. I believe this made an impression on him, and I will be continuing to push him to get help and to learn better ways of handling his OCD. I don't think he will, but if he regresses, at least I have my family close by to support me and they will intervene if needed. Thank you again for all of your help.

My (35f) husband (36m) wants to keep everyone away once our baby is born, including my mother.

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16dw1ua/my_35f_husband_36m_wants_to_keep_everyone_away/

16ef0jv

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/upinadown in /r/AmItheAsshole** mood spoilers: >!resolved nicely!< --- &nbsp; [**AITA for getting mad when I found out my wife gossiped about me?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15peoew/aita_for_getting_mad_when_i_found_out_my_wife/) - 8/12/2023 Sorry for the throwaway account. I am 36 and my wife "Ashley" is 33. To get it out of the way, I have an above-average sized dick. I'm not going to the guinness records or anything but every partner I've ever had remarks on it. In the past, this has also meant that every single one of them tells their friends, and that gossip gets around. This makes me EXTREMELY uncomfortable, to the point that I had to start telling anyone new "do not talk about my dick to your friends". They all agree, and then they all do it anyway. It is very frustrating. Until I met my now-wife, who was totally respectful of the boundary. We have been together for 6 years and married for 3. No kids yet. You probably see where this is going. We were with some of her close girlfriends at a bar last night and I suggested we go to another pub, and her friend semi-drunk responds, "if big dick says we go, we go!" Ashley froze up and I went cold. Turns out that she told ALL her close friends when we met, right after I told her not to. And now they use Big Dick or BD in their group chat to refer to me. Ashley says they only say it when I do something worthy of the name, I don't even know what that means and I don't want to. So I left them and went home. Ashley was apologetic at first but kind of thought it was funny that I figured it out, and only learned how angry I was after I literally walked out of the bar. She says I'm overreacting and that what she talks about with her friends is totally normal. I said I don't care how normal it is, that I can't trust her anymore. AITA? &nbsp; [**Update to my post**](https://www.reddit.com/user/upinadown/comments/15t8006/update_to_my_post/) - 8/16/23 the AITA mods didn't want it so it goes here I am sorry if it comes across snippy in parts. to the several people who posted this to tiktok, I hope your favorite food tastes like sick people's diarrhea forever. All of her gc friends found the post. (I know it is my own fault I am just mad). so I have to write this knowing they'll all see it. so we talked it out on Sunday and it turns out that, yes, I have a valid frustration, but I really was overreacting a little. I know this because they all saw the post and agreed that they trusted me enough to read the groupchat. I had to have my wife hovering over me but that was fine. background: when me and my wife met, she had just moved to my city. She had also just found newish friends who were nice enough to invite her places and add her to the girl gc. so she was a little insecure in general just because everything was so new. also, for context, they are a little younger than her, so maybe a little bit less mature about sex talk. then she met me and we were getting to know each other. I really liked her so on an earlyish date I took her to a really nice restaurant, like way outta my six years ago budget but hey I was trying to impress a pretty girl. And then we went back to my place. the next day my wife recounted the date in very normal terms and one of the girls says "damn a nice dinner AND sex, that's Big Dick stuff right there". like this was even before BDE was a thing. and she responded >😶😶😶 to me that means "I am not gonna talk about that" but apparently to the gc that was a confirmation about my penis size. And a minor meme was born. the thing was, I used the search function, it was 99.9% of the time NOT used about sex. The one time it was, my wife asked them not to talk about me like that. It was used like, >wife: "oh he got me flowers today :)" >one of them: "BD coming through again!" like should my wife have told them to stop? yes. she admitted that and apologized. but also she explained, like, if it had gone on for a while, and THEN she asked them to stop after months and years, wasn't that even worse? like how does she say that without basically confirming things about my dick? so I can see that side too. also, it had kind of petered out over the years, as memes do, and as everyone got a little older. until one friend got drunk and a brain neuron fired off in a really weird way. ultimately it doesn't really matter, the horse has left the barn and the barn door is open. My boundary was fudged but not just absolutely disregarded like I thought. everything could've been a whole lot worse. Thank you to the absurd, truly comical volume of people who shared their thoughts.

AITA for getting mad when I found out my wife gossiped about me?

CONCLUDED

Gwyrstotzka

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16ef0jv/aita_for_getting_mad_when_i_found_out_my_wife/

16ehpw2

**I am not the OP. That is u/Charming_Educator612. Originally posted in r/TrueOffMyChest. This is the new update to a previous BORU post, which can be found [here](https://reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/1AEhf55Koi).** Trigger warning: >!homophobia, harassment!< Mood spoiler: >!positive, OP has good parents!< &nbsp; [Original post](https://reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/OxBoCOZNho) *posted on May 31, 2023* **I accidentally caused a war between my family and my brothers wifes family with one innocent text message.** So my brothers wedding happened two days ago. And it turned into a complete chaos which I know even though I don't were there. You might wonder why I didn't attend the wedding if its my brother's. Well its because of his wife's family. He did sent me an invitation to the wedding because he wanted me there but his fiance told him I couldn't attend because I had a boyfriend. You might be confused. But I'm a man. A bisexual man to be exact and I have a boyfriend who I wanted to bring to the wedding. She said even though she doesn't have a problem with that and he doesn't have a problem with that her extremely religious parents who already forced her to do the wedding in a church would most likely banish us from the wedding and cause trouble between our families. After she told him that my brother told me I couldn't attend and told me why. You might think I was angry. The truth is I was relieved. I hate going to big events with lots of people because of my social anxiety and I already was used to not being able to attend certain events because of my sexuality so it was nothing I haven't heard before. So at the day of the wedding I stayed at home with my boyfriend. Its worth mentioning my parents apparently didn't knew I wasn't attending the wedding. I was chillin at home cuddling with my boyfriend when I suddenly got a text message from my parents asking me where I was because they couldn't find me at the wedding party. I told them I wasn't attending the wedding and if my brother hasn't told them anything. They said no and asked me what happened. I didn't saw any reason to lie so I sent them a text message telling them exactly why. Now I have to admit I don't exactly know what happened after I sent them this message because they read it but didn't reply. And why do they care in the first place? They didn't notice I wasn't there before until the wedding was already over. They only noticed when the wedding party started. However. Apparently my parents talked to my brother about it and all of a sudden my abscence was the main topic of the wedding party. From what i heard, two fronts formed. on the one hand my parents and the rest of my family against the family of my brother's wife and apparently he as a husband now felt compelled to take her side and tried to argue in her favor. Its crazy to think that I was just sitting at home living my best life with my boyfriend while all of that shit went down on his wedding. The wedding party was ruined and my brother appeared on my door angrily screaming at me why I felt the need to ruin his wedding. I was confused and asked him what happened and he told me everything. I told him it wasn't my intention. I just told our parents what happened because they didn't know and wanted to know where I was and I thought he told them beforehand. He screamed at me that I ruined his wedding. I told him its not my fault he wasn't honest with them. I just respected their wish to not attend the wedding. I couldn't know it would go down like this because like I said I couldn't attend several events before because of my sexuality and my parents never said anything about it so I thought it would be the same thing here. But I gotta admit its kinda sweet that my parents and the rest of my family stood up for me. They haven't done it before. Thats a more than welcome change. But I still feel kinda bad because apparently I really ruined the wedding party. &nbsp; [Update 1](https://reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/fYCwmsyBcE) *posted on June 2, 2023* **UPDATE: I accidentally caused a war between my family and my brothers wifes family with one innocent text message.** Didn't thought I'd give an update but many interesting things happened. So after my brothers visit his wife and him went to honeymoon. And the way the weddingparty went might have been even worse than I imagined. What happens now is incredible. When I said in the main post that two fronts had formed, I only meant that metaphorically, of course, but it's no longer that. While nothing much interesting happened in the first two days afterwards the terror started as soon as my brother and his wife went on their honeymoon. My mom and my dad visited me and told me how the wedding party escalated and they were so close to physical violence. I thought it was funny at first but this truly bothers me. I also wanna point that you did a great job at convincing me its not my fault but hearing my parents side still gave me a bad feeling in my stomach. However like I said the terror started shortly after they went to their honeymoon. And when I say terror I mean that my SIL's family found both my facebook and instagram account and started spamming me with hateful messages. I received insults and hateful messages from various different accounts who all had one thing in common. They all had somewhat of a christian theme and all of them had the same last name. So it wasn't hard to find out whose accounts it was. Mainly because I don't know my SIL's family at all. I only know her and I know her parents were homophobic christians. But whatever. They not only started attacking me they also found the account of my boyfriend over my account because we're linked as a couple and started to send him the same messages. the messages contained on one side typical bigot stuff like: "you're burning in hell for your sins". One even called me and my boyfriend "two devils in disguise". The other side were just blatant insults. You get the idea. I called my parents and told them what they are doing. Then I sent a text message to my brother with screenshots of the messages his wifes family sent me to which he replied that I "shouldn't disturb him with that during his honeymoon as I already destroyed his wedding party". I couldn't believe it. He was just like them. He did sent me an apology AFTER my mom told me she called him. But none of this is the main reason I'm giving you this update this early. Because I got a call this morning from an unknown number. I hesitated because I thought it was one of them. And I was right but it was none of the people who insulted me. I heard a womans voice who introduced herself as the half sister of my brothers wife. She said it didn't went unnoticed what her family was doing and she wanted to apologize for them. I told her I'm not going to tell anyone in her family about this and that I don't blame her for her families actions. She thanked me and hung up. I don't know why but I have this feeling she only did this to protect her family from being reported. My mother wrote to me earlier that she wants to report the insults and the harrassment of these people and that she demands for my brother to divorce his wife or she will disinherit him from her will because "thats not how she raised him". A little radical in my opinion but I understand where she's coming from. This entire thing escalated so much its unbelievable. Thank y'all for your support on my first post. &nbsp; *In between updates, OP posted this on his profile:* [Why am i so casual about this entire situation?](https://reddit.com/u/Charming_Educator612/s/AZ0FqGcgPq) Some of you were wondering why I seem so calm and casual in the update when I'm discriminated against. The truth is that I am in a relationship with my boyfriend for three years now and the things that happen now are nothing compared to what I've been through. I receive hateful messages almost daily. Not only from their accounts but in general. And I learnt to ignore that. There have been way worse situations. Such as when my boyfriend went to visit his family and I couldn't go with him. We kissed each other goodbye on the trainstation and when the train left and no one saw it a group of guys attacked me. I was sent to hospital because of severe injuries. Just to give you an idea what I had to deal with in the past. And don't get me wrong we will report my SIL's family but what they are doing is nothing I haven't seen a thousand times before. &nbsp; [Update 2](https://reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/b0Wwevu0bc) *posted on June 12, 2023* **Update 2: I accidentally caused a war between my family and my brothers wifes family with one innocent text message.** Its been a few days. First of all. Me and my boyfriend are fine. Luckily for us they didn't go any further than their text messages. My mom filed a report against them. I don't know the current situation about that as I haven't filed the report myself. The reason I update you is a different one. First of all. One person in my SIL's family is actually going to testify in my favor and against her family. It really takes courage to do so. Its the same person that called me in the last update. Somehow they found out that she is into women. No reason to hide it anymore. However she said she's fine and is going to stay at a friends house. I have so much respect for what she does. Imagine the strength you need to testify against your own family. I now feel bad for assuming she only called me to safe her family from being reported. More importantly. What is the current situation with my brother? Well my mom talked to him and told him to leave his wife or she will disinherit him from her will. He decided to stay with his wife and my mom made her threat come true. He's no longer in her will. My father did the same. When I visited them I also told them that I wish that this entire situation went different. They assured me its not my fault but I feel like if it wasn't for me then my family wouldn't be ripped apart like this. Haven't talked to my brother since then. My boyfriend feels similiar. He also told me he kinda feels responsible for all this chaos. I assured him its not his fault. But honestly I wasn't even sure if I could say this in my position. On the other hand it was my SIL's families bigotry that ruined everything and everything would've been fine if I could've just attended. But now its time for me to grow distant to this situation. We see what the report will do. I followed your advice to document everything. The insulting and harrassing messages continued until two days ago. So I have much to say about them. Unfortunately homophobia is still very much normalized in our society. I already said it in a post in my profile but the reason I'm so calm and casual about the situation is the simple fact that I'm used to situations like this. They don't get to me anymore. If I let any insult get to me I wouldn't make it for a long time. Its a coping mechanism. I've been into situations where I was sent into hospital because I kissed my boyfriend in public. So insults and harrassment like theirs is nothing I haven't seen before. I want to say thank you for all your support on my first two posts. &nbsp; [Update 3](https://reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/HVwbrVY3fQ) *posted on August 22, 2023* **Final Update: I accidentally caused a war between my family and my brothers wifes family with one innocent text message.** I think some of y'all are waiting for an update so here I am. Keep in mind that this update will probably be the last one. So last time I told you my mother was pressing charges against them and to my surprise we won. They weren't going to jail or anything but they had to pay for their actions. LITERALLY. There was one incident where my SIL dad was actually trying to find out where I lived and asked my brother who told him. Only god knows what he would've done to us if we still had lived there. But in the time span of the last two months me and my boyfriend moved to a different place which my brother didn't know anything off. Also their social media accounts were deleted. However I don't know if this was part of their punishment or if they did it themselves. My mom has also carried out the threat towards my brother and disinherited him from her will. After he came back from his honeymoon he begged her to put him in again. She said only if he apologized to me. She invited me and my boyfriend over and my brother sat in the living room with this mad look on his face. She made him apologize but I didn't accept this apology because I could tell it wasn't sincere. He did it because he had to and not because he was actually sorry. I told my brother that I am disappointed in him for who he became. Before that we had this huge bond usually never judged each other for stuff like this and all of a sudden he has such a problem with me having a boyfriend. I just don't get it. I told him that I miss the old him. He didn't respond to anything. He just sat their quietly staring at the bottom. After I finished he just got up and left. This was the last time I spoke with him and its already been a few weeks since this happened. My parents paid much more attention to the discrimination I face since this incident. They wanted to learn more about the problems I face as a queer person. I really love them. My dad even got a bisexual pride flag for me and asked if he could hang it in our bedroom. I love that I have such great parents. I just wished for my brother to become the person he once was. Btw. since the case with my SIL's family is over I didn't heard anything about their lesbian daughter. She supported us during the process but we lost contact afterwards and I just hope she's fine. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the OP. Please don't comment on the original post.**

I accidentally caused a war between my family and my brother's wife's family with one innocent text message

NEW UPDATE

Shelly_895

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16ehpw2/i_accidentally_caused_a_war_between_my_family_and/

16eiimp

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/LoveMyWife_99 **in** r/AITAH trigger warnings: >!prenatal/anetnatal depression, possible parental abuse, mention of alcohol abuse, classism!< mood spoilers: >!positive!<   [**AITA for telling my wife I can't give our baby fetal alcohol syndrome?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/162jjks/aita_for_telling_my_wife_i_cant_give_our_baby/) **- 27th August 2023** I M23 had Friday off for a long weekend and I had two beers to wind down since I haven’t really had any for maybe three months, and my wife F21 has only been pregnant shorter than that. It's been long overtime hours for a while to prep for when my wife needs to stop work closer to due date, so I just wanted 2. Later we were cuddling in bed and started making out, and after a bit I tried to go all the way with her and she immediately got mad. I was confused and asked her what was wrong, and she was getting all cranky and saying how I didn’t even care if it would hurt the baby. I was confused and thought she meant that the baby could be poked and I tried to explain that the baby would be totally safe and I wouldn’t ever want to hurt our baby. She got even madder and she started talking about fetal alcohol syndrome. She was saying how if I finished then the baby could take the alcohol and get fetal alcohol syndrome in her. I was so flabbergasted because that’s definitely not how it works, and I even looked it up later to be sure that I wasn’t just stupid. But she said it would happen like that, and I tried to soothe her that it wasn’t the case- I think now I should have said that it would be okay to not do it anyway if she was worried because I don’t want her stressing and the baby, but I didn’t think of that then and tried to softly argue about me not able to get the baby hurt like that and she might have thought it was just me trying to get laid even though I was soft about it. She started crying about how I don’t care at all again and I tried to hug her and she pushed me away and cried some more. I apologized a bunch and offered to show her proof online to calm her and she just locked herself in the bathroom. I tried to sorry through the door but she wasn’t having it and I eventually went to bed by myself alone and slept hardly a little Saturday morning she was in bed and red from crying so I hugged her and it was okay again for a bit. I tried to softly talk about it again because I don’t want her thinking I'd endanger our baby but she got upset and I admit I kept talking. I was confused she was never like this ever before, and usually if I softly talk about it and listen to her all the way and don’t make her feel silly then she listens to me all the way too and we solve it. I don’t think we even have a fight before. But I though it would be like before and she says I’m not educated enough to know the truth because I work in a awarehouse, and I admit it upset me. She was grown up sheltered and that's why doesn't know but I would NEVER say that to hurt her and I’m hurt she’d say that. I said does she really want not want to talk about it and she said an emphetic YES. So I’ve been giving room and she keeps crying quietly on other parts of the house.I’m worried now she’s mad for me not going to college. It’s quiet right now here. Should I just tell her I was wrong and not try to start trying if I drink again before baby comes? AITA   **Comments** *I would also talk to her doctor about classes that you guys can take together to help with her fears, whether they are rational or irrational and it would help educate her about pregnancy and the emotional and bodily changes she's going to be going through.* >I will also do this thanks > >Sometimes I drink only 3 times a year but really never more than maybe 6 times a year, I pointed 6 months because that's why it hasn't comr up yet. She maybe is in fact woried I'm alcoholic because her brother is badly bit I haven't been drunk in 2 years because she doesn't like it &#x200B; *NTA but your wife needs to go back and take a basic biology class* >Her mom waived her from some of them to try and keep her from being fast so she has read some books to cover missed classes but must not have read about this &#x200B; *Wtf does “being fast” mean in school? Like she didn’t want her to skip a grade? Then just keep her in the one class meant for the specific grade. I’m so confused on what that means* *“Being fast” is older slang for loose, promiscuous, wanton.* >fast means whore but it's more polite to say &#x200B; >She thought her daughter would have sex indescreminately which she calls being "fast" and it seems rude to say whore &#x200B; [**Update: aita for telling my wife I can't give our baby fetal alcohol syndrome**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/165x8a9/update_aita_for_telling_my_wife_i_cant_give_our/) **- 31st August 2023** Thank you everyone for nice comments and helpful advice, a lot it was useful and really saved the day even here. Quickly first a lot of questions asked over and over and over so I have some answers since they keep asking. 1: My wife probably didn’t know this because her mom came in all angry and waived her out of part science in high school because she thought it would make her fast because she blamed science class on my wife’s older sister elopeing at 18 so she was trying to fix it. My wife has read to catch up learn missed science class and maybe forgot to check that 2: Yes my wife does read baby books from the library and she writes down in a notebook with tabs so she’s not a moron like some dickweeds on here were brigading me that she is she knows about not putting baby on stomach at night, don’t give honey, don’t give water, everything you all have said is she’s known and I don’t think she’s going to accidentally negligent our baby. Also and I hear you and I will make more times to read books too now so she feels better. 3: Yes she had obgyn before but just one appointment without me, we now have second scheduled Friday early emergency for checking hormones and I will be coming with her to help support and make her feel less scared and alone. 4: She does not drink ever because her brother has a big problem so it is not jealousy of me drinking. Also have since confirmed not because she doesn't want sex. **So update:** I gave her space Sunday morning while reading comments and she was so quiet but kept sitting near me and looking at me a lot more than usual and like she was going to say something but stopping. I took advice and called the best option family member which is her older sister. Sister came and my wife broke down crying and I hugged her and she starts saying sorry a lot. I hugged and said talk to your sister because I'm worried and don't worry about talk to me and she said she'd talk to me after. Sister and her went in another room and alot of crying from my wife and calm nice talking from her sister. A while and they came out and sat with me and my wife hugged me again and crying and I was just so happy that she wasn't cold shouldering me anymore. Her sister explained that partum depression runs for the family and as soon as I call she knew it was the same as sister had and their mom had too. Some comments said that but I wasn't think it could happen to my sweet happy wife ever so I was shocked it was event that. But sister explained that nobody talked to my wife about it and my wife cut in with more sorrys and explained that she didn't know for few weeks why everything felt so much wrong and she was panicking while I was all day gone doing overtime and didn't want to bother me and just bottled. And I told her I want to go to obgyn together and wanted to call next day monday to go together and talk about how to help and she cried and agreed that she needs help. Also she apologized for being mean and said she had panicked because I pushed and she scared herself that I wouldn't stop and I would hurt baby and I was horrified and told her I would always stop if she wants and she said yes that she know now but was scared then and felt like it was pure panic. So she said her aunt who we though was great friend, and even brought casseroles when I had appendix out was talking to my wife's mom and helping mom and had brought fake information that alcohol was like that because apparently her mother is raging that I got my wife pregnant. Even though we're married. I was surprised? but her mother knows about her problem with fearing alcohol and wanted to revenge against me. It shouldn't have worked because I never drink more than every couple months and not drunk because I promised my wife. But, mother in law thinks I'm alcoholic because I'm blue collar so she thought it would work and apparently its been month since she thought that. And after our fight my wife did google and was horrified to see she yelled and went crazy of wrong information and she thought if she said sorry I would hate her and she just kept away and almost did and then didn't say sorry. And it has been crying her for so long and I was horrified that I didn't try again to check with her to help her. She sobbing at me how she never wants me to think she hates my job because I work so hard but she also is so wild and upset home alone 10 or 11 hours alone even if I get enough money she can stay home alone with our baby later when it's born. So we talked and decided if we rent apartment with 2 bedrooms instead of 3 bedroom house we can have normal hours and still keep her home to rest with baby like she wants. She's crying grateful thank you and apologize so much and I make sure she knows that she said that scared and I'm not mad that she tried to protect the baby because now she knows I'll back off and not push. I checked that she didn't want me to have sex and she was horrified and said she wants sex and please don't stop trying and she'll say if she wants to not have sex. Sister is going to come stay over during day for a while until we see if we need medicine or not because her sister's daughter is old enough for school now so she's free for the daytime and she can make sure my wife's okay. I now dropped overtime and she's say that she feels so much better already but has really dark thoughts of maybe the baby died in her stomach or that it is bleeding to death in her after I sleep so I wake up with her until she feels okay and we cuddle. I didn't know she was having such a hard time so much even when I come home I have her tell me any time she worries and she worries that she'll be a horrible mother all the time so now I get to remind her how great and wonderful she is about learning and how wonderful she was with sister's kid as baby and she's going to be a fantastic mother. And she just changes to happy tears and feels so much better and I get to hug her again and yes I'm very sad that she has to feel so bad but I am so happy that I can know now and help her. Thank you so much everyone who was nice to tell me to call obgyn and to find a good family member. Also we are not in the bible belt for everyone asking. We are not talking to her aunt anymore. I asked if I could take charge from my wife and she said yes so I blocked both mom and aunt. They will not see the baby or talk to my wife again and sister and I will protect her. Edit: also shes quitting wendys because the chili smell makes her barf at work because we can maybe afford with just my money   *Your MIL is toxic. Please be careful going forward. Holy shit. I'm not a psychiatrist, but she is insane. Who does that to their own daughter? Personally, I think you should help your wife start setting some boundaries with her and family members that are also toxic. Good luck!* >Her mother is stupid but also evil which is worse User 1: *I guess I'm confused... her depression made her not know you can't give a fetus FAS?* User 2: *No, her mother keeping her out of science classes and her aunt lying to her about how FAS works made her not know how FAS works.* OOP: >Yes that is the why she didn't know how FAS. And then because she was panic from maybe depression she also didn't take time to listen and talk because of that. Worked against to keep her from fixing that she didn't know. &#x200B; **Flairing as concluded as the original issue is resolved and OOP and wife are going NC with MIL and aunt.** **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITA for telling my wife I can't give our baby fetal alcohol syndrome

CONCLUDED

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16eiimp/aita_for_telling_my_wife_i_cant_give_our_baby/

16ejc06

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/WhiteSeal9723 **in** r/relationship_advice thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU. trigger warnings: >!death, infidelity, possible sexual assault!< mood spoilers: >!neutral!<   [**I \[22F\] found out my boyfriend \[22M\] had sex with his dying friend**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/166j7r5/i_22f_found_out_my_boyfriend_22m_had_sex_with_his/) **- 31st August 2023** I wouldn't have found out if one of our mutual friends didn't slip. My boyfriend and the girl did it when they were on vacation with other friends. She had a terminal illness and is dead now. I'm confident that he was never attracted to her. They never had a relationship beyond that. She did have a secret crush on him though. She was the little sister of their friend group. This incident happened late Nov or December 2021. She died in March 2022. He was visiting the hospital when she died. He's never had a death in his life before so it really shook him. For the past year, his mental health has been very unwell (I don't know if I'm allowed to specify in the sub). It's not solely because of her death but it was the catalyst. He rarely, if ever, talks about his feelings except with me. I hate myself because I get angry inside whenever he mentions her. I can't express my jealousy because she's dead anyway. This jealousy is eating me up. I just know that it wasn't just fucking. They totally had emotional sex because of her condition. I don't even know who initiated it. It was probably something like how she didn't want to die a virgin. My boyfriend and I had never even had sex all the way then. To clarify, he didn't lose his virginity to her but she did lose her virginity to him. We have an otherwise perfect relationship. He's always been a good boyfriend even when he's at his lowest now. I had bad episodes before and the lowest of low points. He was the first who stood by me. My family is strict and didn't approve of us but he tried hard to win even my extended family over. We've been together for more than 3 years and have known each other since high school. No history of infidelity from both parties. I don't know if I can talk to him about this. I don't want to push him to the brink. But I'm also afraid that he might be dismissive of my feelings. What to do? **EDIT:** I'm ready for the downvotes with this edit. I really mean it when I said that he stood by me. He practically fought to get me to keep living more than once. His poor mental health (to put it mildly) is the first time this happened. We were also best friends before we ended up together. I think it's unfair to be so black and white about this. Sorry for the edit. I understand and am considering the breakup advices. The rude replies just irk me. **EDIT 2:** The replies have several insults already. This sub needs to be moderated better. **EDIT 3:** Out of everyone, only one Redditor brought up that the sex might not be consensual. That crossed my mind too which is part of why I feel bad about jealous/angry about this. More info about the vacation I didn't get to post: Other friends planned it with some help from the girl. She wanted to go to that place for a long time. There were 7 of them including my bf and the girl. It lasted for 3 days and 2 nights. He asked me to come with when he was invited but I declined. Beach getaways aren't my thing. I know it was supposed to be a getaway trip for the girl. I was only acquaintances with the rest and I didn't want to intrude on her final trip with friends. (And this bit me in the ass later on lol) **TLDR;** My boyfriend didn't tell me that he had sex with his dying friend. We were together when it happened. He's still depressed about her death. I feel jealous and I don't know what to do. &#x200B; **Comments** *I’m confused too. If he had sex with her while you two were together, it’s still cheating. And you need to leave.* *If he had sex with her before you two knew each other or became a couple, he’s not at fault. You can still feel uncomfortable and jealous but you’ll have to learn to not think about it and forget in the sense that you can’t fault him for who he was with before you two were together. It wouldn’t be fair for your relationship.* >We were already together when they slept with each other so yes, it's cheating. I wasn't close with the girl but I do know her. I can't even fault her for having sex with him because she's already dead &#x200B; >I don't think he'll ever cheat again. It's just not in him and he has never showed attraction to any other men/women before. Like aside from a celebrity crush or two, there is nobody. He's more of a hopeless romantic than I am. > >But I do admit that what happened keeps popping up on my mind. I dunno why but maybe because I feel that he didn't trust me enough to tell me? Or maybe because he thought/agreed to doing that in the first place? It's really been bothering me. I don't know how to talk to him about it. &#x200B; *Did you give him permission?* >No. I only found out recently through one of our friends. That friend thought I knew already. Apparently, it was a spur of the moment thing? Our mutual friend was at the vacation. He found out afterwards but in that timeframe. He said he doesn't want to talk about it anymore because it's not his business lol. He did say that the girl is dead already anyway and my boyfriend remained loyal to me after it. I dunno. > >The dead girl wasn't my friend but I did know her btw. She also knew that I'm in a relationship with him. &#x200B; *The fact that mutual friends know and did not tell you would be enough to end it for me. His friends conspired with him to keep this a secret. He had no intention of telling you.* >Only two friends know. The mutual friend thought I knew already. He kinda panicked when he slipped tbh. The other friend is someone I'm just acquaintances with. We don't even have each other's numbers and socials. She wasn't in the vacation too. > >The mutual friend panicked after I told him that I didn't know. It was in the same conversation where he accidentally slipped. &#x200B; >We've been in a relationship for more than 3 years now but have known each other since high school. We haven't slept together yet when that happened with the girl. We did things already back then but not all the way yet. We've had sex several times now. > >The girl wasn't his first time btw. But he was my first and the girl's. > >Worth noting that we aren't Westerners. The girl was Catholic (as in she studied in an all girl's school Catholic school lol). My boyfriend and I are both agnostic. I wasn't saving myself for marriage but doing it all the way still felt too soon for me? I grew up in a strict, conservative family so I probably had reservations because of that. It's confusing to me too.   [**UPDATE: I \[22F\] found out my boyfriend \[22M\] had sex with his dying friend**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/168bhpp/update_i_22f_found_out_my_boyfriend_22m_had_sex/) **- 2nd September 2023** Very long post. Sorry this is all over the place. I'm a mess as it is and English isn't my first language. I keep editing the post because I don't know how to format Thank you all for giving me the courage to approach him about this. I couldn't take it anymore so I talked to him immediately It's not an angry or accusatory conversation, just very emotionally draining for both parties lol. I asked him as many questions as I could. So he said that he regretted it immediately but he can't fault his friend much (more out of compassion for her illness). He didn't tell me because he didn't know how I'd react and was afraid that I'd dump him. He didn't want to hurt me (but he did anyway because he didn't talk until now ). The guilt is part of why his mental health is awful. He said he keeps feeling more guilty especially every time we're together, when he talks about his mental health and I support him, etc. It is true that he is mourning her but atp it's more that he is distraught over "betraying the one he wants to spend his life with" (his words. we sound like we're on a soap opera or a wattpad story wth). He didn't know how to talk about the latter so he covered it up with mourning her when we talked back then. My bf said that if he could, he would've asked me for permission then. He would have respected my decision and wouldn't have done it. Though a part of him would also feel guilty about not fulfilling his friend's wish when she dies. He added that he believes that it would be later outweighed by our relationship/ feelings for me though. When I asked him if the sex was emotional for him, he admitted that it was because they were close friends and she was dying. He only did it because of their platonic relationship and her impending death. He wouldn't have done it in other circumstances. It wasn't romantic for him. As for who initiated, it was the girl. He was tipsy but not drunk. She kissed him and made the first move. He knew that she had a crush on him. He was never in love with her, never attracted, never saw her as a partner even after what happened, etc. It was spur of the moment because of strong emotions. He didn't get to ask me for permission because it happened exactly at that moment. She didn't directly tell him to fuck her but she confessed her feelings for him after kissing him and touching him. He confessed to me that he felt kinda awkward around her afterwards but he tried to move past that because they were friends (and she was literally dying lol). I think it's so messed up that sleeping with him specifically was one of the dying girl's dreams. Maybe she just didn't care anymore because she was going to leave us anyway. I'm still conflicted. She wasn't even a btch when she was alive. The girl is dead. I'm alive and with my boyfriend. What more can I do to her? Honestly, I feel like I tainted his memories of her too. They were good friends then and now she would be remembered as that girl who ruined our relationship. I feel bad about that too :/ I asked him if he would've told me what happened and he said he didn't know. He might take it to the grave because he wants to forget it even happened. But he also said that he might've told me when he felt confident enough to do so. Either way, he regrets not telling me immediately what happened. I tried to ask him if he thinks she planned the trip or planned to be alone with him to get him to sleep with her but he didn't let me finish. Unlike with other questions, he got angry. I think he doesn't want to face that he might've been assaulted especially by a friend who died. His mental health is awful already and this is a heavy subject so I didn't ask more about that angle yet. I asked him if he slept with her again after that or with other people, he said no. I asked what if he had another dying friend after this. He said he won't do it again given how much it affected us and our relationship. Especially because he didn't want me to be this hurt again. He said it's not worth it etc. Another thing I asked him was what would've happened if the girl got cured after they did it. He said that it would have ruined their friendship or it would take a lot of time for him to forgive her. He said she shouldn't have brought that up in the first place. I asked him if he would've dumped me for her and he said never even if she was dying already. I don't know why I ever thought that he'd be dismissive of my feelings. He's always been supportive of me before this. I feel bad for doubting him lol In our talk, my bf said he'd do anything to gain my trust back again. He kept apologising and asked me to stay with him. At the same time, he said that he understands my POV. He wouldn't blame me if I left him and never forgave him because he's aware of his betrayal. He said that it still counted as cheating and it was wrong etc. When I say in this post that "I feel bad" about feeling certain things, he didn't gaslight or manipulate me into it. He was reassuring me that what I feel is valid. I also talked to the two friends who know about this issue. Apparently, our mutual friend didn't tell my bf that I found out. He said he didn't want to get involved but would support both of us either way. I asked him if their friend group was drinking on the trip. He said the group did on various degrees and times. Like even when just playing chess or watching a movie. Our friend didn't drink except once because he's a lightweight. The girl didn't drink too because she's sick. I asked him if he thought it was possible that my bf was drunk when it happened. I think this is the first time our friend considered that because he stopped for a bit then said "...probably". The one I'm not close with didn't know a lot of details. But she gave him an earful when he told her that he slept with the girl during the trip. She just didn't ask for more details because she didn't want to get very involved too. My bf didn't explicitly ask them to hide this from me nor did he ask them to tell me. At least I know my bf's side now. I think a cool off is the middle point of the dump him/reconsider advice I got. I can feel how contrite it is and the scenario was too sketchy. We'll do what we can to work on things. We still love each other so much. Thank you once again for the advice and support. **EDIT:** I'm ready for the downvotes and name-calling here. Lots of people are filling in the blanks on what happened and what didn't, how my conservations with him and the friends went, etc. There are other things in play that I didn't put in my post. I just didn't include everything because this post is long as it is and some details are too personal to divulge. I posted because I think I owe the sub update (which I realize is now wrong too, I guess) Anyway, I'm inclined to believe that yes this was cheating but I doubt it was enthusiastic consent. Yes, he put the girl's feelings over mine. But again, that's a girl who faced her impending death. He genuinely thought he was doing his friend a favor. We're experiencing the consequences of that action now but I know that it didn't come from a place of malice. To people saying I'm making out the girl to be a rapist or that I completely hate her, then you're completely wrong. It's not exactly the same but due to past experiences, I know how precious life is. I understand where she was coming from. She was a nice girl in the times I've met her (most of which happened before she diagnosed). You all have no idea how traumatizing it was for her and everyone around her to see such a vibrant girl with so much potential wither before your eyes. Call me a cuck but I actually would've said yes if both of them talked to me. &#x200B; **TLDR;** Boyfriend didn't tell me because he was afraid of getting dumped. He was never in love or attracted to her. He feels guilty and hopes to still stay with me. Though he also said that he understands if I wouldn't. The "affair" might not be fully consensual. He disapproves of his own actions either way. I might tell him that we need to cool off. &#x200B; **Comments** *If nothing else, he proved he has AWFUL judgement. Just absolute shit decision making skills. I would not want to build a life with someone who did this.* >Out of the top comments so far, I agree with this. I don't think he's a cheater cheater. It's more that he has shit decision making skills, too much of a people pleaser, doesn't know how to enforce boundaries, and gets stuck in his own head a lot. All of that tracks with what I've known about him in years including when we weren't dating yet. &#x200B; *What the hell is a cheater cheater? Are we pretending it’s not cheating, and it’s just shit decision making skills?* >By that, I meant a serial cheater or someone with a wandering eye. Sleeping with your dying friend who comes to you in tears because she wants to be with you before she dies is not the same as sleeping with your coworker while you're on a business trip. > >I'm not disagreeing that my boyfriend cheated. I'm just saying that it had to do more with the girl's predicament than his libido. Still wrong but the circumstances aren't comparable. &#x200B; *The cooling off period that the two of you agreed to sounds like a good idea. In a sad way your bf sounds like a compassionate person. Let things cool down with space between the two of you, then decide whether you want to reconcile or split up. You may want to keep an eye (through your common friends) on whether his depression improves, if his action with the dying woman and not telling you was what was driving him down that should improve. Good luck to you, regardless of what route you take on the future of the relationship.* >**In a sad way your bf sounds like a compassionate person.** > >I will get downvoted to hell for this but this is one of his fatal flaws. He's too idealistic for his own good. He stretches himself too thin for other people, pretends to be fine all the time, doesn't talk when things are already making him uncomfortable etc. Aside from our relationship issues, his other depression reasons have something to do with his idealist tendencies. This turned into kind of a rant sorry. Thank you for the comment. What you said is my plan. &#x200B; *In a traumatic situation, is he a freezer? I freeze. I let what happens, happen. With what’s going on with his mental health, if she came into him strongly and he hadn’t been sober…* >I wouldn't say that he's a freezer. It's more like he goes on autopilot and does whatever is needed to get things over with, fix things, or comfort/please the other party as needed. He only breaks down when he's actually alone and things begin to sink in. &#x200B; >It's not farfetched for me that he went along with whatever was happening and just wanted to please her then. His friend was already touching him while confessing her love and telling him that she was a virgin. Said friend only had a few months left to live. It didn't take a genius to figure out what she wanted from him. > >I keep saying this but god I don't want to paint the girl as a seductress other woman villain. She was dying and lived a very sheltered life before that. Abstinence was her only sex education so I have no doubt that she didn't know that what she did was improper. I really don't think she would've done that if her situation wasn't so drastic. She's been into him for a while but only made a move when she was on her deathbed. &#x200B; >People are saying that this is me deluding myself but whatever. I've known everyone in this story for years compared to these people who've only read 2 reddit posts and my replies. **Flairing as ongoing as the status of the relationship is not yet decided.** **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

I just found out my boyfriend had sex with his dying friend

ONGOING

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16ejc06/i_just_found_out_my_boyfriend_had_sex_with_his/

16ejvbi

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/broccoliuniversity Thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this to BoRU. **Bachelorette ruined my friendship** **Originally posted to** r/wedding [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/wedding/comments/14p69fb/bachelorette_ruined_my_friendship/?share_id=MbM3AnxiOo1JrphD2jHOA&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) \- **July 3, 2023** This is a long vent… I am the MOH, and organized a weekend get away for the bride and her bridesmaids and a few friends of hers, 10 people total. None of the girls, including myself, are friends with each other outside of the bride. I had a really hard time organizing this event because in the group chat no one would reply and I was left high and dry for a lot of the decision making. Eventually the same two girls would chime in and would offer to help. About a month ago we made a group chat just the three of us to figure out last minute details of the trip, since we are the only 3 really involved in the planning. The bride from the beginning has said she didn’t want involved in the planning at all, keep in mind… Anyways, the weekend rolls around, and the bride ends up ignoring me most of the weekend, she only spends time with her other friends, I have yet to get any appreciation or thank you from her about the planning. Also keep in mind everyone spent around $1500 for the Airbnb, activities, etc., while the bride paid for nothing. The last day comes and things are tense, I’ve hung out mostly with the two other girls from the group chat because they’re really the only ones I’ve become closer with. During the bachelorette weekend we used the group chat once to organize a surprise we had set up for the bride (we had set up decorations and a picture taking area, a full table spread of cheeses and meats, a custom made cake, and bride-personalized drinks, all which she completely ignored when she saw it). The last night there the other girls got invited to some retired hockey players house and the cab ride is $100 one way to get there. Considering the cost and that it was really not my vibe, I said I’d stay back, and the other two girls I was with most of the time also decided to stay back. The next day when we were packing up to leave things the uncomfortableness was palpable, no one would look at us or talk to us. I was the only one with a truck and the other girls shoved all of their stuff in my car so that there was no room for anyone to drive with me back home, which was an 8 hour drive. We get back home, we meet at the brides house and unload my truck. As I’m pulling out of the driveway, the bride runs up to my car and says, “I want to see your phone and messages with the group chat with \[insert names of the two other girls\]”. I say no, that’s really uncomfortable and it’s invading their privacy. She said fine and walks off and says nothing to me as I leave. From what I’ve collected and can infer, it probably seemed like myself and the other two girls were “cliquey”, however I personally talked with everyone else lots, but was getting ignored by the bride. I’m at such a loss. We are adults and I am being asked to share my text with a group of girls that I was asked to interact with outside of the bride in order to organize her bachelorette. And now she’s worried we have become friends without her (this is something I’ve been told explicitly). I want to pull out of the wedding for how poorly I’ve been treated, she has been a horrible friend, and her asking to go through my messages has been such a breaking point for me. Edit: for those asking, she wanted to see the chat because she said said that she is insecure about me talking with the other girls about her, so she wants to see what is in our group chat. I absolutely had nothing to hide, there is nothing in that group chat. But I said no and told her she can ask the other two girls and then can see it because it’s their messages too. It was more of a thing of principle, I don’t think you get ownership of your friends and should be allowed to see all their messages because you’re insecure about them being friends. As well, she hadn’t spoken to me the whole weekend and I was feeling very ignored, she had many opportunities to ask to go on a walk with me and talk about this, but instead she had waited until I was backing out of her driveway, in front of all of the other bridesmaids (except the other two from this group chat who had already left). Also keep in mind it was after about an 8 hour drive and I was dead tired and wanting to get home, so either way I wasn’t going to sit and have a conversation. I also didn’t get what the purpose of seeing a group chat would give—the three of us girls were there in person the whole weekend, if we wanted to talk about the bride we wouldn’t have been texting about it. And lastly—the whole reason we had this group chat was to plan the bachelorette because none of her friends ever replied and stuff needed to get done, and the bride has explicitly said over and over and over she wanted no involvement of it being planned. &#x200B; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/wedding/comments/16872ok/update_bachelorette_ruined_my_friendship/) **- Sept 2, 2023** The wedding was yesterday, I didn’t go and haven’t spoken to the bride since I told her I was dropping out of the wedding two months ago, another bridesmaid also dropped out, the third girl mentioned in the original post did go but said she regrets not dropping out. The bride got mad at her for several other miscellaneous things in the few days prior to the wedding. I found out from the other bridesmaid that dropped out that the bride had been talking about me behind my back for the year leading up to the bachelorette, and had plans to completely ghost me and cut me off after the wedding, keep in mind she made me her MOH…. Big lesson learned is to listen to your gut and do what’s best for you. &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Bachelorette ruined my friendship

CONCLUDED

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16ejvbi/bachelorette_ruined_my_friendship/

16eq790

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/DiscussionAwkward291 **AITAH for wearing white dress on my birthday 2 weeks before BIL and his fiancé are getting married?** **Originally posted to** r/AITAH **Previously posted to BoRU [here](https://reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/L9iWdYlDW2) **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Infidelity, miscarriage!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15vh902/aitah_for_wearing_white_dress_on_my_birthday_2/)  **Aug 19, 2023** I don’t know if I can include the dress but Thursday was my 40th birthday. I usually don’t celebrate birthdays, my husband just makes me dinner and give me a present and then my mom invites me for breakfast and gives me a present from the whole family. But when I turned 20 and 30 I had a bigger party and now too. I invited immediate family and my closest friends. The party was yesterday and it was a great day. I’m so hungover now. I noticed that BIL (husbands brother) and his fiancé were a bit standoffish but my soon to be SIL is always standoffish with me so nothing new. Today my husband woke up to a long text message berating us because I wore a white dress. They’re getting married in 2 weeks and I should have known better. Tbh I swear on my grandma’s grave that I didn’t think about any of this. SIL thinks that I alway wear inappropriate clothes that draws attention to me so now she’s demanding to see what I will be wearing at her wedding. I asked if they’re asking everyone. No just me. I said then I refuse. Now they say I’m an AH for wearing white and them for refusing to show the dress I’m wearing to the wedding. Threatening to disinvite my husband and I. My husband is conflicted. I don’t know. I think I’d rather have my husband go alone than being treated like a child. Am I the AH for wearing white to my party? And Am I the AH for refusing to show my dress for the wedding? I will try to include the dresses [my birthday dress](https://cocoandlola.com/products/sadie-split-knit-midi-dress-in-crystal?shpxid=0896fc27-0e4b-4280-b678-cc39d76cf9b2) [the dress for the wedding](https://www.thereformation.com/products/johan-dress/1312829BLK.html) Thanks [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15w803x/update_on_my_situation_with_fsil_and_the_dress_im/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2)  **Aug 20, 2023** Ok, so I was very surprised about the amount of support I got! Thank you because I was starting to doubt myself. I just want to make it clear that the only on I care about right now is my husband and his feelings because somehow I felt that he is in the middle of the crossfire right now. So I talked to him and apologized for my pettiness. He was surprised and said that I had nothing to apologize for. Requesting to only “approve” of my dress out of the 270 guests is insulting and disrespectful. You don’t do that to family. So I told him that maybe I shouldn’t go to the wedding after all. SIL never liked me anyway and I’m sure I’m only invited because she can’t not to. She’d be happy if I didn’t attend (the whole thing felt like she was finding an excuse to disinvite me). My husband then can go and be there for his brother. Everbody wins. My husband called my BIL to tell him that I couldn’t come and he will be attending by himself. BIL said ok cool. Problem solved right? No. No FSIL texted me saying that I “needed to show her the dress and refusing to show her means that she is right and I have chosen something inappropriate and trashy”. I texted back “Oh, I thought you’ve spoken to your fiancé, I won’t be attending” She texted an hour later “Yes, I have spoken to my fiancé. If you remember from yesterday, none of you are welcome if you don’t show me the dress. So if you still refuse, neither you nor [my husband’s name] can attend” I talked to my husband now and he literally had no words. He said to stop texting FSIL and that he will fix this. So I’m staying the hell out of this😅 Edit: there are a lot of confusion here about how we are related Me: 40f My husband: 40m My BIL (my husband’s older brother): 46m My FSIL (my husband’s older brother’s fiancé): 28f **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Afraid-Tea-5745** >You should send her a pic of your dress worn by your husband. She is crazy. But also BIL should date women his age. **OOP replied** >>Lool! >>BIL is another Gem. He cheated on his ex because she had several miscarriages and when he got caught he said it was because he was depressed for not having a family. They divorced. This was 3 years ago. Now his ex is pregnant with her new man (who is actually FSIL’s ex bf), and BIL is devastated she moved on faster than him so I think this whole marriage is to one up his ex tbh because she’s not married yet. >>If course these are all speculation and gossip. I thought maybe you would appreciate some background story/gossip **ughwhyusernames** >>>So how did everyone involved meet? Just curious about that drama story. **OOP replied** >>>>BIL and his ex-wife were neighbors with FSIL and her then BF. >>>>The BF suspected his gf was cheating and he found out who it was. He contacted ex-wife. >>>>Apparently they’re dating now and expecting. >>>>BIL and FSIL are getting married now. >>>>I met my husband at my first job 15 years ago. Been married for 6 years ☺️ **ughwhyusernames** >>>>>And was her BF also older? Or was the ex-wife also younger? Are they still neighbours, like they just swapped houses? >>>>>You and your husband sound like lovely people. Congratulations to him on not being trashy like his brother. **OOP replied** >>>>>>Ex wife is younger than me maybe 36-37? Unfortunately she doesn’t speak to me at all because she didn’t want anything to do with the whole family. >>>>>>Ex bf is probably 30-35 I don’t know. >>>>>>No, when they got divorced BIL couldn’t afford buying ex-wife out of the house let alone live in it with only one income. So he bought a one bedroom. FSIL lived with her parents for a while until she moved in with BIL. >>>>>>Ex wife also got her own place but now she moved in with her baby daddy in a house they bought together. * **Fancy-Meaning-8078** >So ... You wore a white dress to a party celebration that is all about you?! The nerve of you ! As long as your hubby wore a matching shirt to be your arm candy on the event you two hosted I see no problem. >The bride can wear what she wants to her party, this was Not her party. >Congratulations on you big 40 you are now officially too old for this shit. Let that angst mentally teen bride & groom deal with themselves. **OOP replied** >>I literally told my husband this morning that I’m too old for this shit😂 * ##**NEW UPDATE** * [New update](https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/9pimohjkRr)  **Sept 3, 2023** Ok, yesterday was the wedding (for concept please read my other posts). SIL was still adamant that I show her my dress if either of my husband and I would attend even though I told her that I wasn’t going. BIL told my husband that he was being an ass not giving his wife, a bride, what she wanted which was a simple quest (no matter how silly you think she’s being, you should have been the bigger person and not engage in this petty business is what BIL told my husband). My husband said that he didn’t want to go to the wedding either. SIL still texted me and demanded I send her the pictures, even though we are officially uninvited now. She called me attention whore. My other SIL (that is the sister of my husband and BIL), heard of all this. She went through with her plan even if I begged her to just ignore it (my husband told me to stay out of it since it’s none of our business anymore) but she went through with her plans. She told the other women who were invited what happened and to dress in short dresses and even some showed up in white. I think it was so easy to pull because none of my husband’s family like SIL or BIL for that matter. SIL spent the wedding angry and crying and at times refused to leave the restroom demanding her husband to kick out his sister amongst others. The sister and a few others left before dinner was served. BIL&SIL got toasters from at least 50 of the couples they invited. I have also found out that at my birthday, my husband surprised me with a designer bag and a trip to Milano that we’re taking at the end of this month. SIL thought that it was a direct insult to her because she loves Italy and her husband refused to plan a honeymoon since the wedding would cost him a fortune and he couldn’t afford a honeymoon too. So she thought I stole her honeymoon. MIL called me demanding that I should fix what I ruined by giving my birthday gifts to SIL (MIL offered to pay for name change on the reservations). My husband was livid hearing this because he’s planned out this for months. Now SIL is saying I have ruined her wedding by being in cahoots with my other SIL and the rest of her family. I intentionally had a big party to ruin her wedding party. I wore white so I would look the main character in the pictures and I stole her honeymoon dream. I wasn’t. I even begged other SIL to forget this whole thing and not to make more drama on SIL’s wedding but here we are I have blocked SIL &BIL because I don’t want any more problems. Edit: I forgot to add a thank you to all the support and compliments about my dresses and talk about how “hot” I must be. I’ve always loved myself and I’ve always done what made me happy and fashion has always been an interest of mine. Thank you for the ego boost and I will not let others bully me because of my age or what I choose to wear and how I express myself. I follow many 40+ 50+ 60+ ladies on IG who have the same views on life, beauty and age and I will not let stupid women (and men) like SIL bring me down. If she’s 1/2 as confident in her skin when she’s my age, she’ll be a happy woman. * **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITAH for wearing white dress on my birthday 2 weeks before BIL and his fiancé are getting married?

NEW UPDATE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16eq790/aitah_for_wearing_white_dress_on_my_birthday_2/

16eq9bl

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Quirky-Bad7653 **AITA For “lying” to my partner about having kids and laughing about it?** **Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole **Thank you to u/lostravenblue for suggesting this BoRU** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!fertility shaming, Verbal abuse, emotional manipulation!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/168r51z/aita_for_lying_to_my_partner_about_having_kids/?share_id=achb_Xq7_cED0hBg3grr7&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1)  **Sept 3, 2023** [Wayback machine](https://web.archive.org/web/20230903092956/https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/168r51z/aita_for_lying_to_my_partner_about_having_kids/?rdt=36823) AITA For “lying” to my partner about having kids and laughing about it? So I recently became engaged to my (34f) partner (35M). We met on a dating app 3 years ago and hit it off from the start. 5 years ago I got my fallopian tubes removed. I’ve known I don’t want to give birth since I was 15years old and have never changed my mind. I always said that if a child came into my life I’d love it, but I’m not actively seeking that out. On my dating profile it explicitly states “child-free and infertile” verbatim. At the beginning of our relationship, my now-fiancé regularly referenced other things I put in my profile, so I had assumed he’d read that part and kids never really came up in other convos. Well last night, he mentioned that I should consider stopping my birth control since now we’re engaged, and given our ages, we should start trying for kids. I honestly thought he was joking and laughed. He got frustrated and asked me why I thought it was funny, and I reminded him that the second line of my dating profile said I was ostensibly infertile. He was shocked and called me a liar. I happened to remember that I sent a screen shot of my dating profile to a friend for review around that time and pulled up the old convo with her to show him the time and date, and that indeed it stated I was child-free. I told him I had my tubes taken out so there was no chance of me getting pregnant without outside help (ivf is technically still an option, but I don’t want to put my body through that). He stormed out and his mom called me crying that I’ve ruined his life. His sister sent me a long message about how getting my tubes removed should be illegal and how I’m a monster for stringing my fiancé along. TBH, his family never really liked me because they think I’m beneath him. a cousin told me it’s because I’m fat (true, but I’m also pretty active. Regular walks with my dog, hiking, biking, swimming, paddle boarding, and a little snowshoeing, none of which my fiancé does with me) and a career woman in a male-dominated field, plus we share the household labor 50/50 and I make more money than he does. Because of this I don’t take what they say too seriously but I’m starting to feel bad. His family believes I stole years of his life and ruined future chances of being a father by lying about my fertility status. He asked for space when he stormed out, so I haven’t reached out to him. I do love him, but I’m starting to have serious second thoughts given his families reactions. I realize now that we should have talked about this before, but AITA for how I handled the situation? **VERDICT: POST REMOVED BEFORE VERDICT RENDERED** [Update](https://reddit.com/u/Quirky-Bad7653/s/SSI3z6gVDM)  **Sept 3, 2023** Update: So my fiancé came home this morning and I asked him if he wanted to talk. He said there was nothing left to talk about. I asked if he wanted the ring back and he got angry. I’ve never seen him like this and I tried to speak calmly to him but he was just yelling about how I was giving up and wouldn’t even talk to him. I reminded him that I’d asked if he wanted to talk and he said no, to which he responded that he didn’t think I’d “go all crazy over a disagreement.” This was a huge wake up call for me. I asked him why he’d never brought up kids before hand and he said because he knew I would get all weird about it. I tried to get him to clarify but he just kept saying he couldn’t talk to me when I was like this. I swear I never raised my voice and tried to speak calmly the entire time. I told him I can’t have kids, nor do I want any. I don’t want to give birth. That seems like a deal breaker for him, and his family. He said his family had nothing to do with this, and I asked why he told them then? He said because he was hoping they’d talk sense into me. I told him I was ending the relationship and staying with my dad for the time being. This didn’t go over well. I’m still kind of shaking. As I was leaving I asked him how long he’s wanted kids, and he admitted he never thought about it, but he knew I didn’t want any, but now that we were engaged, it wasn’t just about me, he had a say in children. I told him I physically could not get pregnant without IVF, and asked him how he expected that to work? He responded that I didn’t know what I was talking about. I left after that because I just didn’t have the energy to try and convince him, and I didn’t want to further agitate him. When I told my dad everything, he was furious. Apparently when my fiancé spoke to him about proposing (he did not ask permission, both my dad and I are opposed to that tradition. Just basically letting my dad know his plans), my DAD asked him if he was okay never having kids as I’d had my tubes removed (my dad says he specifically brought up my surgery and the impossibility of natural pregnancy). My fiancé told my dad that it’d always be my decision. I’m thankful this happened before we started any of the wedding planning, but it feels like I swallowed a boulder. I know I need to be more adamant in the future about my stance on kids and I promise I will have these discussions with future partners openly and from the start. I blocked his family from messaging me after they added me to a group message and started throwing Bible verses at me and saying that I’m a defective woman for not wanting kids. I don’t have the energy right now to be petty so I just blocked them. My dad is going to help me move my stuff the next couple of days. I need to talk to the landlord and figure out the lease. I’m financially stable enough to pay most of the fees I think but I doubt my now ex-fiancé can afford the rent on his own. The only text I’ve received from him just said “You’ll regret this”. I don’t believe this is meant as a threat, but I’m being cautious just in case. Thank you all for the feedback. It was helpful to understand where I went wrong. This was my first long-term relationship and I fucked up a lot of the communication, but I know it’s not just on me. I tend to be the kind of person that doesn’t like to re-hash things if I feel like we’re on the same page, but with huge decisions like this reiterating is necessary, and people are allowed to change their minds, which means re-hashing is necessary in a healthy relationship. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA For “lying” to my partner about having kids and laughing about it?

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16eq9bl/aita_for_lying_to_my_partner_about_having_kids/

16eqb5w

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Few_Vegetable2038 **OOP HAS SINCE DELETED HER ACCOUNT** **AITAH for shouting at my sister while she’s on her deathbed?** **Originally posted to** r/AITAH **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Self harm, emotional manipulation!< **Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting these posts** [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/JOMr49b2uK)  **Aug 30, 2023** My (26f) sister Nancy (39f) and I have had a strained relationship for as long as I can remember. For a bit of background, Nancy’s parents were my late aunt and uncle, who passed away in a car accident when she was 6 and my parents adopted her. Growing up, I realized that she got more love and care than I did, but I just wrote it off because I didn’t want to blame her for her trauma or how she handles triggers. When I was a teen, I got tired of her always needing to trump my accomplishments or be the centre of attention. I finished high school when I was 16 and after I received my matric results, my parents planned a big party for me but the week before, Nancy “fell” down a flight of stairs and my party had to be cancelled. As I was sitting in the waiting room with my parents, I had an epiphany and realized that a lot of her “accidents” coincidentally happened when something big was planned for me. For example, a month before my 21st birthday, which was going to be spent on a cruise, she started having “dizzy spells” and a few days before, she “fell” off the roof as she was trying to “patch a few leaks”. Rightfully, I was upset, and my parents lashed out at me for being selfish when my sister got injured trying to do something to help them. When I graduated with my MBA at 22, she very sick after eating shellfish, which everyone knows she is deathly allergic to. The day after my partner proposed, she got into an “accident” while driving on a sunny day with great road conditions, saying that she didn’t see a light pole or something. He threw me a surprise engagement party and guess who accidentally ate prawns and was rushed to the hospital halfway through the party? To avoid any drama at my wedding, my partner and I decided to elope with a few friends, and it was the first time something was all about me, for once. My parents were bitter about not being part of wedding celebrations so we planned a reception type thing for friends and family on our 2nd anniversary. My dad will walk me down the aisle and my mom will do the something old thing, etc. They had been buzzing with excitement and looking forward to the “wedding”. The event is this coming weekend and guests have already started flying in as they want to celebrate the whole week and treat it as a reunion of sorts. But like every other big moment of my life, I am writing this post sitting in the hospital waiting room because Nancy apparently had a big psychotic break because her boyfriend dumped her in FEBRUARY so there’s a psychiatrist admitting her for 21 days as he believes she’s a danger to herself. My parents are trying to talk me into postponing because it would be heartless of me to celebrate while my sister is “cuffed to a bed” for the next 3 weeks. I had a meltdown of my own and told my sister that if she wanted to go to Heaven that desperately, could she not have done it when we were younger so I could be spared from all her drama and now there’s a handful of family members who are calling me a cruel bridezilla for taking my stress out on my sister when she’s so unwell. I told all of them that I would be proceeding with the “wedding” as a lot of time and money had already gone into it and they’re welcome to mope around the hospital to support my sister. They told me that I was unfair for making them have to choose between a party and my sister who is on her deathbed. ETA: I know she isn’t in her deathbed. Any sane person reading this post knows so she’s not on her deathbed. But to my family, this is a life or death situation because “only God knows what they’ll do to her in there” and they’re especially incensed by the very limited visitation because they’re convinced the psychiatrist is doing it so she can get pumped full of medication and so the hospital can make money yada yada yada. [Update](https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/jxjhvnZgdk)  **Sept 3, 2023** First, my sister tried to discharge herself by signing a refusal of hospital treatment, which wasn’t successful and she apparently had a whole meltdown and hurt one of the staff members so she had to be sedated and restrained. After I heard about this, I decided to call her psychiatrist up again and told him that this is part of her MO, she’ll get hurt and then once she’s gotten enough attention or something of mine has been cancelled, she’ll then get herself discharged because she’s miraculously feeling better. And I think that’s what she was banking on now but what she didn’t consider is that psychiatric hospitals operate very differently from regular hospitals. I also think she realised that for the first time, her plan wasn’t working and I’d still be celebrating something and tried getting out so she could physically disrupt the ceremony but oh well The day after I made the post, I took the suggestion quite a few people made and created a whole spreadsheet of the “incidents”. I went through the discharge papers my parents still had at their house and went through a deep dive of my iCloud to find old pictures and stuff of special moments in my life and then compared all the dates. Lo and behold, there were 11 special moments and 10 discharge papers, all with eerily close dates, from a few years before my 16th birthday to now. I showed this list to my parents and… nothing. They decided to stick to their guns, telling me that my sister has always been clumsy and the stress of big events would obviously make her more prone to getting hurt. I then asked them why she never had any accidents before or after her own milestones, like her graduation or her engagement party and I didn’t get an answer. I felt my heart break into a million pieces and decided to just cut my losses because I really was talking to walls. I then told them that I was okay with them not attending the wedding ceremony they had guilted me into having and that I had enough people who truly loved me there to support me. I also told the other flying monkeys in the family that they had my permission to stay away and go sit in the hospital, waiting on someone who currently isn’t allowed to have any visitors. I then switched my phone off so that I could focus on getting ready for Saturday and all communication had to go through my partner, who was filtering out everything before it reached me. The ceremony started off great and I actually don’t regret doing it, even though I didn’t want it in the first place. It felt so darn good to see relatives and friends I hadn’t seen in a while. Halfway through, my parents arrived and my dad started talking to other relatives about how disappointing it was that he didn’t get to walk me down the aisle a second time and how he didn’t raise me to be so selfish by celebrating things while my own sister is probably chained to a bed with no one there to support her. My relatives then talked him into leaving and I didn’t hear about his tantrum until this morning, which I’m very grateful for. My relatives also had to deal with a friend of my sisters turning up to the reception in a white dress but the joke was on her because I was in a modern traditional BaSotho dress and I still fully stood out as the bride. Right now, I honestly just feel… numb. And defeated. And it feels like I’ve lost my family even though they were never really family. It hurts to be in this situation and a part of me is mourning what could’ve been or what I deserved but never got. A lot of people told me that going NC is never easy and I think it’s finally starting to sink in. But a lot of people also told me to focus on the good. I have a lot of good things going for me now and I should be in the moment. This might not be the dramatic update people were expecting but that’s all there is for now. A few people asked so here’s a link to the inspo photo I used when getting my dress made:  https://za.pinterest.com/pin/612489618088792313/ **Marking as inconclusive since OOP deleted her account** **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITAH for shouting at my sister while she’s on her deathbed?

INCONCLUSIVE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16eqb5w/aitah_for_shouting_at_my_sister_while_shes_on_her/

16eqepy

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/aita\_weddinglashes](https://www.reddit.com/user/aita_weddinglashes/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Mood Spoiler:** >!overall postive for OOP!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vnqcq/aita_for_not_paying_for_my_friends_eyelash/)**: August 19, 2023** Obligatory throwaway acc. My (26f) best friend (25f, I'll call her Callie) is getting married in a week and I'm one of her bridesmaids while our other best friend (26f, I'll call her Sam) is the maid of honor. They are my best friends and have been through literally everything in my life with me I can't say Callie has been a bridezilla by any means, but she does have a very specific look in mind for her special day. I was told I needed to strip all of the color out of my hair (it was blue and is now a chestnut brown), and had to get new foundation to cover my tattoos as well as shapewear. I did all of this because it's her day and it's not hard to redye my hair after or put foundation on my tattoos. The actual problem happened yesterday. Callie made an appointment for her, Sam, and I to get eyelash extensions because it will make the day easier, less makeup to worry about and we all suck at putting on falsies. Callie had asked all of the bridal party if we wanted to go and only Sam and I said yes. To put it frankly, all of Callie's savings and money is going to the wedding so she is currently low on funds to an extent, and Sam has never exactly been good at saving money. Meanwhile I'm decent enough that I have some savings set aside and a low budget specifically for this wedding. I figured Callie had put aside money for these extensions and didn't think about it past my money. As we were checking out with our lash girl, I paid for mine and Sam paid for hers, but Callie just stood there looking at me. I asked her what was up and she just said waiting for me. I asked what she meant, and that we should hurry because we had a lunch thing to get to. She said she couldn't pay for her lashes and that she thought I knew I would be paying for them. I said that I was not aware and I should have been told beforehand because I couldn't tell sets of $200 lashes. She said she assumed I would "just know" because of how much money has already gone into the wedding and Sam obviously couldn't pay for it. I said I would not be doing that because I simply could not afford it. If this had taken place before next week it would have been more likely but I can't now. She started raising her voice and dug out her wallet and paid with her credit card. Sam pulled me aside and said that it was shitty of me to not just pay and that I knew what this wedding meant to Callie. I said if it meant that much, why didn't Sam just pay then. I was told by the both of them that maybe it was best if I just didn't go to lunch and that they would talk to me in a couple of days. I know that this wedding means a lot to Callie, she has always wanted to be married, but I don't think it's fair of her to assume I would pay for the extensions just because she has stretched her budget thin. However, if I am in the wrong, I will find a way to make up for this, pay her back or something. So Reddit, am I the asshole?? ***Relevant Comments:*** *It's also ridiculous she wanted you to change your whole appearance:* "I didn't mind changing my hair, it's just hair in my opinion and I already have an appointment set up for October to go get it redone and my tattoos, it's just foundation, but this just seemed ridiculous to me and for Sam to also think it's fine." *She should have asked you before hand:* "I think that's a lot of the problem for me. If she had asked prior to, I might have at least thought about it. But springing it on me, in front of the lash girl who is a personal friend of mine, just seemed like a weird request. Plus SHE invited me to go out and get these done." *Financial situations:* "It's not like I make a lot more than them. In fact, I make less than both if them. Sam just has a habit of buying anything and everything that she wants/needs without thinking about how much money she actually has. And Callie had a decent budget for this whole thing, I don't know what happened. I don't want to believe that their using me for my money during all this, but all of these comments are definitely making me question some stuff. As for the physical changes, I can understand a lot of it. I'm the one with tattoos in the party and they're fairly big and a lot of color and my hair is just hair.." *You should rethink these friends:* \*"\*They've been my best friends for 12 and 17 years.. They've literally been through everything with me and me with them. I don't want this to be a friendship ender but I think I need to reevaluate some things." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1692e7t/update_aita_for_not_paying_for_my_friends_eyelash/)**: September 3, 2023 (2 weeks later)** Hi all! First I want to say thank you to everyone who commented on my original post and got me to finally open my eyes to how my "friends" had been treating me. I took a couple of days after posting to think of how I wanted to proceed and then I took a chance and texted "Callie" and "Sam" asking if we could meet up. They agreed and we went to a coffee shop. As soon as I got there, they were both there and were whispering about something and as soon as they saw me, they stopped. In that moment, I realized that's how they've always been, adjoined at the hip, whispering together and stopping when I walk in, never taking me seriously and it was like a switch flipped in that moment. I stopped caring. After getting my coffee, I sat down and we kind of just stared at each other before I finally asked if either of them felt bad about how they treated me. They both seemed surprised and asked how I got to that conclusion. I said that I had had time to think it over and while I felt bad that Callie had been having to dip into her emergency fund, that was not my fault, nor my problem. If anybody's, it was Sam's because she was MOH. I said I had been more than accomodating, changing my hair, getting a specific foundation to cover my tattoos, getting shape wear when it makes me uncomfortable, all of it to make her day amazing. They tried to interject but I just shook my head. I told them that they had been my best friends for a very long time, but probably too long. I went on to list a bunch if times they made me feel like shit which I won't bother you with here but I ended by saying I wouldn't be attending the wedding in any capacity and Callie could pick up the shoes, the dress, the shape wear and the foundation from my mom's house because I was done. They started panicking and tried apologizing but I just got up and asked them to please not talk to me for the foreseeable future and left. They both tried to call and text me for days afterwards but I ignored it. I also got a bunch of texts from the other bridesmaids who clearly had not been told the full story and texted all four of the others with the full story. I didn't hear anything back but got a bunch of calls and voicemails from Callie and let's just say they were not nice. I finally texted her and told her her attitude towards all of this just proved my point and that I didn't think we could be friends anymore. I guess the wedding went on as planned which I guess I'm glad for. And to everyone who was upset about me changing my hair, I'm happy to inform you, it is now neon pink! I think that's it, I'll be moving states with my boyfriend in about a month and I'll be cutting contact with Sam as well so I don't expect anything else will come of any of this. Thank you to every single one of you and I hope the update is what most of you wanted! It's definitely not what I expected but it is what I think needed to happen! ***Relevant Comments:*** *Did Callie actually pick up the stuff?* "Yea she did the day before the wedding so I'm guessing she didn't find anyone to fill the spot🤷‍♀️ she also threw a huge fit at my mom's trying to get her on her side but my mom refused to put up with it" *Way to go girl. You sound so strong in this:* "I'm going to cry😭 thank you. It's hard and I'm still coming to terms with everything but I feel strong, for once in 12-17 years of friendship. The move is scary but I hope it'll be a good thing." *On the move:* "luckily I have a job lined up so I'll have coworkers who will (hopefully) want to welcome me and show me around, and I'll have my boyfriend so I won't be too lonely. I'm gonna look into joining a book club, or some type of club to get myself out there." *Were they using you for money the whole relationship?* "Looking back now, I realise they had me paying for A LOT of things. I paid for lunches, I paid for gas, I paid for coffees, I got them really nice (in my opinion, I guess) gifts for holidays and birthdays and they'd get me things that you'd find in like, souvenir shops is how I'd describe it. Yea I paid for a lot of things. A lot more than I probably should have." *What did your mom think of these "friends"* "She was... Indifferent for a while. I didn't tell her a lot of things that happened in high school because I didn't see it as toxic and I didn't actually tell her what happened with the eyelashes until I dropped off the dress and stuff a few days after the coffee shop. She got a little mad at me for not having a backbone but then she let me cry on her couch with a tub of ice cream and Mac and cheese. Then she let me know that she was never a huge fan of these girls because she didn't like how they criticized my hair, my clothes, my bedroom (all of which I never knew she had heard until now) but decided I was a big girl and if it didn't bother me, it wouldn't bother her." *What was this about shapewear? Were they trying to change how you look?* Yea, essentially. She and Sam had always made little digs about my weight, the way my body was shaped, the way I dressed. I'm certainly not overweight, but definitely on the chubby/curvy side and because I'm not skinny like them, she felt the shape wear was necessary so that I would look more uniform, like with the tattoos. I'm the only one that was asked to be a bridesmaid that had tattoos and "strange" hair" *Boyfriend must be happy you kicked them to the curb:* "Oh he was for sure! When this all originally went down, he told me he didn't like any of it but that he couldn't tell me what to do and if I felt this was just a misstep from them, he would believe me but now that it's all over, he definitely let me know exactly how he felt about them for the last 4 years. While I wish he could have felt like he could tell me awhile ago, I appreciate his faith in me to know when enough is enough."

AITA for not paying for my friends eyelash extensions for her wedding?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16eqepy/aita_for_not_paying_for_my_friends_eyelash/

16eqfwn

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Apprehensive\_Lake828](https://www.reddit.com/user/Apprehensive_Lake828/). He posted in r/AmItheAsshole, r/EntitledPeople and r/TrueOffMyChest Thanks to u/married2nalien for sending me this! I edited a few grammar/spelling things for readability Mood Spoiler: >!entitled people gonna be entitled, but OOP is going to be ok!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10hqhun/wibta_for_not_loaning_money_to_my_aunt_to_finish/)**: January 21, 2023** **Title:** WIBTA for not loaning money to my aunt to finish college? \*Throwaway account, also I don't live in the USA and English isn't my main language So, I (M25) have recently moved to a house I bought in October. The house was one of the houses my dad's friends wanted to sell so he gave me a discount for the house (he has lots of properties in my city and wanted to sell some because he is moving to Germany for work in April). It is a 3-bedroom house with a small garden in the front and a big garden in the back. I also finish my master's last August and now I'm planning to travel to Europe in October for at least half a year after I'll finish the project I'm in charge of my job in July. Now for the problem, I have an aunt (F32) from my dad's side who started college last October, around the time I bought my new house. She just told everyone she doesn't have the money to pay for the semester and can't continue unless she pays till February. The thing is, no one in our family can help her to pay but me and her brother (M39), who said no and now everyone is on his back saying how heartless he is to his little sister. Even though I bought the house in full (so I don't need to pay for the mortgage and own my house by myself) I had my trip money saved and if I give it to her, she will have enough money for the rest of her college years. where I live college costs around 15-20 thousand dollars for all the years unless you study medicine on average. Now she asked me if I'm willing to pay for her college and she appreciates the gesture, she said that I don't have a mortgage on my house so I can help her, and she would make sure to pay back by the time she finishes her studies and even give interest if she can. The thing is if I'll give her the money, I just won't be able to travel as I wanted to be planned and saved the money for almost 7 years. My mom said that I need to help her cause she is family and she used to help me a lot with me when I was a kid even though she was a kid herself at the time. My dad on the other side said that I should not help and let her figure it out herself. He said that I deserve a break and should just ignore her and the rest of my family if they don't like my decision and that I should just focus on my project and plan my trip when I have free time. I talk with some close friends, and they split. I'm split about this myself because I truly want to help her out but didn't want to lose on the trip that I planned and worked for. So Reddit, would I be the asshole for not loaning money to my aunt to finish college? I would appreciate your full honesty about the matter. **Edit: (Same Post): January 22, 2023 (Next Day)** Thanx to everyone who comments on the post. In the end, I decided to listen to ask my dad why both he and my uncle are so against the idea, my dad told me to talk with my uncle because he doesn't want to shame her. Well, after he said that I went to my uncle's house and asked him why he didn't help just to know if I really should and he said to me that she will most likely not pay back by the time I need the money or she stops learning again like last time. Something I didn't know is that both my dad and uncle helped her in the past when she tried to go to college a few years ago but she dropped out and didn't return the money to both of them. My dad and uncle decided to forgive her and not let anyone in my family know about the money because she is their little sister and didn't want her to be shamed by the rest of the family after what she did. After what he said he told me I should keep it secret from everyone but also not give her the money cause he and dad think she will just waste the money and drop out like last time and just use my money for myself and no one else. Because of that, I chose to call her today in this morning to tell her I know about the last time when dad and uncle gave her money, and even if I wanted her to succeed, she should have planned her college days better. I may have been harsh on her, but she got the message and said she won't ask me again. I do hopes she finds a way to finish her academic studies but I'm not going to help her after what my uncle told me. **Update-ish** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/10mjpld/i_cut_contact_with_a_part_of_my_family_and_i_feel/)**: January 27, 2023 (5 days later)** this is a sort of small update from this story on AITA. TLDR-my aunt needed money for college, I could have helped her but chose not to because she already got help from my dad and uncle in the past, didn't finish college, and didn't pay them back like she said she would. So far what happened after, is I got calls from some family relatives from my dad's side telling me that I should have helped her because this is what a family is for, and I act like an ungrateful brat for only thinking about myself and ignoring a close family relative cry for help. Well, this pisset me off and I chose to write in the family WhatsApp chat about how much I hate them for thinking that just because my aunt was dumb with her money and chose to go to college even though she didn't have the funds it wasn't my responsibility and if there want to help, and why don't they cheap in to help her out or do you just don't really want to help yourself and just like to act all high and mighty in front everyone. After that, I said that to everyone who shamed me and my uncle for not helping her, I'm not going to talk to or see them for a long time or even forever depending on how I felt, and they aren't welcome to come to my house and I would consider them trespasser if they came and called the police on them. I left the WhatsApp chat after that and my dad called me a few hours later, he said that even if he thinks that my reaction is over the top, he does think that I'm in the right and should handle it however I like, even if he doesn't agree with sharing everything publicly. I was happy with the fact he was on my side, and my uncle was also on my side and even said that I was too nice in calling them out. My mom doesn't like how I acted but my dad did said that she thinks the way everyone talks about me is wrong and I should ignore them. I'm not sure if she agrees with me but it is nice to see that she does not agree with the rest of the family even with the fact she was basically on their side before. It has been almost a week and every time I get a call from an unknown number it is some annoying family friend or one of the ones, I said that I'm not going to talk to them saying that I should apologize for what I did and act like an adult. I do block every number now and even if how the act is annoying, I still feel great with all of that weight off my chest and only focus on my work and my trip. **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/1674u0y/entitled_aunt_tried_to_break_into_my_house_and/)**: September 1, 2023 (7 months later)** **Title:** Entitled aunt tried to break into my house and steal my money when I'm still outside of the country. \*Note - don't live in the USA and English isn't my main language Hey, I was not expecting to post on this account but as you can see in the title, things happened last week that I wanted to share on Reddit. This is an update on my AITA & TrueOffMyChest, TLDR-my aunt needed money for college, I could have helped her but chose not to because she already got help from my dad and uncle in the past, didn't finish college, and didn't pay them back like she said she would. I told her I was not going to help her, then cut contact with all the relatives who attacked me on the family group chat and things have been all right ever since. So, I decided to go on my vacation 2 weeks ago because I finished the project I was working on in late May instead of July like we thought we would so I started to plan the vacation, Who is going to look after my house (I chose my 19 brother cause he can live in my home free of charge as long as he takes care of the place and I trust him). Now to what happened when I was in Germany, I got a WhatsApp call from my brother about how when he was away to get food, he found our aunt's car next to the house, and when he went to check he found that she broke the door and was looking throw my staff to most likely to find something of valuable to steal and she most likely didn't know my brother is temporarily live there and thought my house is empty. He called her out and said if she didn't get out, he would call the police and Dad (he didn't want to handle the cops by himself) to try and threaten her. She refused and said that I owed her because now she has to take loans to continue college and she believed that I should help pay her loans because I didn't help her back in January. He ended up calling the cops and messaging our dad and when she realized she went to her car and drove off. When the cops and dad came, he told them what happened and showed the camera footage which shows how she broke the door went through my staff, and wrecked the place. The cops took a copy of the footage and told my dad that they would handle the rest and keep in contact with him when they finished with her. He told me they caught her later in the night in her friend's apartment and they were going to charge her with breaking and damaging my property (my TV, PS5, part of my games collecting, my gaming PC, and some stuff I don't care about as much as them). So now she is in jail and has a court hearing and I need to be in the trial (Luckily my dad's Lawyer managed to only need me to be through Zoom instead of coming back to my country for the trial as long as my dad will be there to represent me as well). Well, I feel like shit on my vacation even though it has been a week, I didn’t know my aunt was capable of doing something like that, and some of the games she damaged are old favorites of mine (Pokémon Colosseum & Platinum, SMT: Digital Devil Saga & Nocturne, Persona 3:FES, Resident Evil 4, and more). now I hope that when I get to France there won't be any more bad news and I can enjoy the rest of my vacation, At this point I just hope the train ride will be nice. **Edit (Same Post): September 2, 2023 (Next Day)** Hey guys, sorry for not responding I had a train to France 3 hours after uploading the post and immediately went to sleep after getting going to the hotel, Thanks for all the support in the comments. Now about what I'm going to do, I will press charges against her for all the staff she damages she did to my staff. I'm not going to go easy on her for what she did and if anyone in my family will be against me, they can go fuck themself. Tomorrow I will have a Zoom call with the Lawyer to see if I can get her to pay for the market rate of all the games she destroyed because most of them are GameCube/DS or ps2/3 games, so they are hard to get now and you can't even get them in my country and because most of them were in good condition. I believe it will be easy to force her to pay for new or at least 2used at best. The trial is on the 12th of September so I will update at least a day later about how it went. Now I'm going to enjoy my time in Frace and have the time of my life here before the trial.

Saga of an entitled aunt

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16eqfwn/saga_of_an_entitled_aunt/

16f2zs0

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/insanepeopleonfb **in** r/ChoosingBeggars &#x200B; **Note - ORIGINAL POST + UPDATES made on Facebook and screenshots were posted on Reddit** &#x200B; [**ORIGINAL POST - Screenshot From FB**](https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/comments/a35hv9/bride_demands_guests_wear_1k_attire/) **- 5th Dec 2018** Hey everyone! Who's ready for Hawaii 2019? In anticipation of the wedding, and believe me, I know it's a longgg way away...but... I would still like to announce the dress code! I am giving you a long notice of a year and a half so that you will have time to find and pick out something nice. The dress code is very specific because it will be used to create an incredible visual effect. If done right, it will make our synchronized dancing along the \[redacted\] beach really pop. SO, without further adoo.. **WOMEN (100-160 LBS)** * GREEN Velvet Sweater * ORANGE Suede Pants * Loubotin heels (the famous RED heeled shoes. when we spin and lift our feet, the effect will amaze you) * Burberry Scarf **MEN (100-200 LBS)** * PURPLE Fuzzy Jacket * Soda Hat * All White Trainers * Plain Glow Sticks **WOMEN (160 LBS +)** * All BLACK sweater and pants. Any material. * BLACK heels **MEN (200 LBS+)** * All CAMOFLAGE * BLACK sneakers **CHILDREN** * RED from head to toe. Remember the kids will form the shape of a heart, it needs to be true red not blood orange or some bullshit! Additionally, we will require that you wear formal attire after the dancing has ended. Please bring a change of clothing. Remember, the venue is extremely upscale, and we want to be looking our absolute BEST ladies and gents please, if you look like trash, so will we. All jokes aside, we want you to invest in an outfit valued at at least $1,000. This includes jewlery, accessories, makeup, and hair. Remember ladies and gents, this wedding is 24k themed for a reason. You have a year and a half to get working. No excuses! Mwah &#x200B; >[Comment by u/RatherBeYachting](https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/comments/a35hv9/comment/eb3km58/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- > >Has anyone considered how awful this color scheme is? I had a hard time picturing this shit in my head so [I made a very low effort paint mock-up.](https://imgur.com/a/P5T8L8c) > >Edit: I totally skipped over [the Burberry scarf and the glow sticks](https://imgur.com/a/HgJvTqO). What kind of monster makes people wear a Burberry scarf in Hawaii? &#x200B; [**UPDATE - Screenshot From FB -1**](https://www.reddit.com/r/ChoosingBeggars/comments/a3d60u/update_bride_demands_1k_attire/) **- 5th Dec 2018** ..Hello Invitees! .. A VERY Important Update. Please read. It has come to my attention that someone went all the way down in this groups creation to screenshot the dress code requirements. The screenshot was taken wildly out of context and has gone semi viral on Facebook and Reddit. I have seen MY POST twice on my regular Facebook account. I could not be more crushed, betrayed, or saddened. I trust each and every one of you so intimately. Knowing someone went behind my back and made fun of me is one of the worst feelings everywhere. And boy, will you be paying. Therefore, I am announcing one of the most unique parties you will ever be invited to in your life (besides my actual wedding.) In honor of the snitch who sold me out, I will be hosting the first ever Polygraph Party at my house, this Saturday at 8:00PM. Bring your inner Sherlock Holmes because we will be hunting out the snitch who put me on blast. You think I'm kidding? I'm not. We just bought a real polygraph test for $99 on Amazon. After the testing is over and we find the rat who did this, we will all celebrate with drinks and appetizers. If you can't make it to the Polygraph Party, you will be presumed guilty unless you can provide a valid excuse. We can make this party a unique and good one that will be told for years to come. I promise, as long as you're innocent, you have nothing to worry about. I highly suggest whoever did this just tell me. I won't retaliate, I will simply cut all ties and communication with you (and talk shit about you for a long, long, time.) If you have any information about who violated my trust and my wedding planning, I will give you $100. Next-- if any of you are unhappy with the dress code requirements, it's okay! You can come talk to me .. Instead of participating in the dance, you can help the crew clean up after dinner, volunteer to take videos of our dance, or even contribute to the honeymoon. Anything counts... Finally, I am outraged at the comments these internet trolls have made about the dress code. DO YOU FUCKING KNOW ME? DO YOU KNOW WHY WE ARE DOING THINGS THIS WAY? No??? Then shut up! Go back down to your scum basement and play video games and never fucking make comments about people you don't know. My husband and I are certified spiritual healers with over ten years of experience. You all know this. Our wedding colors, fabrics, and intimate synchronized dance are something we hold very dear to our hearts. The expensive clothing represents the riches we wish to come. The black and camouflage outfits represents the aura of the devil that we must shoo away. The soda hats represent our wishes for an abundance of life saving liquid. You get the picture. We met at a psychic's desensitization chamber over 12 years ago in Italy, as you all know. Why not bring our traditions and beliefs into our wedding? Would you show up at an Indian persons wedding and make fun of their culture and their tradition? If not, don't judge ours. Anyway, I am so tired having to explain myself over and over. Please keep me updated. &#x200B; [**UPDATE - Screenshot From FB - 2**](https://www.reddit.com/r/insanepeoplefacebook/comments/a5bq7f/remember_the_bride_with_the_crazy_dress_code/) **- 12th December 2018** Polygraph Party Results-- Many of y'all have been asking how Saturday's Polygraph Party went. It was fantastic. Attendance was 100%. The $99 Polygraph machine from Amazon was a bit shitty, but it did the job. I asked y'all simple questions such as "did you leak my dress code to the internet?" and "do you secretly hate me?" Friends, it is with only the deepest joy that I can announce the identification of the snitch. My former friend, Stephanie, was immediately removed from my property. She confessed to leaking my posts and ridiculing me online. My original dress code has gone viral because of her AND THE OUTSIDE WORLD WILL NEVER FUCKING UNDERSTAND THANKS TO STEPHANIE. Good riddance!! Now the Hawaii 2019 wedding can go on! Thank you to my best friends Lynn, Jackie, Kristie, and Jax. You were very helpful in allowing me to set up my Polygraph text and eliminate the snitch, Stephanie. Dress Code Update: PLEASE buy your soda hats ASAP. We will be hosting another event in a few weeks in which we will be modifying them. IF you would prefer a helicopter hat, by all means, go buy one. Time is of the essence. Ladies, let me be CLEAR. Your secondary outfit MUST total at least 1k. We are 24k themed after all. Please submit photos of your synchronized dancing outfits no later than ONE MONTH. I will be telling each and every one of you what is wrong and how to improve it. &#x200B; **ETA -** u/CrushMyCamel **added additional Info in the** [**comments**](https://www.reddit.com/r/insanepeoplefacebook/comments/a3ejdq/comment/eb5hlgn/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) >There is so much to love. > >EDIT: [one of the guests responded lol](https://i.imgur.com/wzEqcXS.jpg) > >EDIT 2: [hahahaha here we go - Outfit Example](https://i.imgur.com/QXCwY8V.jpg) > >EDIT: [According to the same source this is the polygraph she ordered. ](https://i.imgur.com/l0EHPk3.jpg) &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Bridezilla with a crazy weight-based dress code goes viral.

EXTERNAL

Mist0fCapricorn

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16f2zs0/bridezilla_with_a_crazy_weightbased_dress_code/

16f6rrf

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/cidWashedGene **in** r/TwoHotTakes **Thanks to** u/Direct-Caterpillar77 **for suggesting this BoRU** trigger warnings: >!possible autism/NPD mental health issue, verbal abuse!< mood spoilers: >!positive!<   [**I fucked up and told my fiancée I don’t want to sleep with her as much now that she’s pregnant. Please help.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1651l15/i_fucked_up_and_told_my_fianc%C3%A9e_i_dont_want_to/) **- 30th August 2023** I wanna start off by saying that I do not understand lying. Like the skill needed to know when to lie or know how to tell good lies is lost on me. Since I was a kid I have been very honest and I can probably count on one hand the times I’ve lied to others. It’s just not something I’m good at. This especially becomes an issue when it comes to tactfulness. My partner has, on multiple occasions cut me off when speaking to others when she knows I’ll say something bad. It’s just not a thing I’m good at. My fiancée is 7 months pregnant. We are both very excited to be parents. The pregnancy has put a strain on certain aspects of our relationship, primarily sexually. We used to have sex at least thrice a week. Since she’s begun showing, we’ve gone down to maybe once every other week. I’m not overly bothered by it and I thought she wasn’t either. I rationalized the decrease to her being more tired now that she’s growing a person in her and things becoming more sensitive. So it turns out this wasn’t the case. She recently told me that she wants to have sex more than we used to before pregnancy. I’ve done my best to oblige but we haven’t been doing it as much as she wants and now it’s clearly on me. Yesterday I rejected her advances and she got upset and told me that she doesn’t feel beautiful anymore since I won’t touch her. I told her that I still of course think she’s beautiful. She then asked me if I thought she was still sexy. I told her that she was indeed sexy. But then she asked me if I want physical her less now than when she was pregnant. So as the title implies. I did tell her that I did want to have sex with her as much as now. But I assumed this was a normal feeling. Pregnant woman are built for function. So I told her that I found her more sexually attractive before she was pregnant. She cries calls me every name she can think off, gets out of bed and throws some clothes on and goes to her parents place. She’s now not returning my texts or calls. I want to apologize and assure her that it’s not her fault and how she looks now has no bearing on my love for her.   **Comments** **User 1** *For the love of god DO NOT “assure her that it’s not her fault and how she looks now has no bearing on my love for her” Just don’t.* **User 2** *And DO NOT tell her “pregnant women are built for function” Jesus christ. Fucking brutal. That’s your whole ass wife making you a whole ass baby, she’s not “built for function”. Fuck.* *Built for function really did it for me - what the fuck OP? What do you even mean by that? Sounds like you’re describing a multi van.* **User 3** *OP is on the spectrum and doesn't realize it. I refuse to believe a neurotypical person of average intelligence can say something so fucking dumb and not realize how and where they fucked up. There's really no right answer here. If you're truly not attracted to pregnant women, then you probably don't need to be getting women pregnant. This is just a fucking mess all around.* **User 4** *This is 100% what I thought immediately. Not being able to lie/not understanding tact and social cues are dead giveaways. Totally agree with everything you said. This isn't meant to be an accusation but a revelation. Love, Another ND* **OOP Replies** >I have been tested multiple times for autism, my specialist is moving away from autism and is looking at other personality disorders. > >English is not my second language, but it is my fiancée’s second language. Her native language is French and we speak mostly in English. This conversation was part French part English &#x200B; *Well will it be ok for her to tell you ur dicks little and she wants a bigger dick* >I don’t think I would care. > >But if I asked her that I would want a genuine answer. I don’t understand the logic behind asking a question for an honest opinion and getting mad at the opinion. > >If she told me, “I don’t feel as attractive, I need you to tell me that I am sexy” I would’ve done that for her because I want her to feel good. I just thought she was asking a question &#x200B; [**Update: I’m the asshole that told my fiancée that she wasn’t as sexually attractive now that she’s pregnant**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/166cxju/update_im_the_asshole_that_told_my_fianc%C3%A9e_that/) **- 31st August 2023** So I want to start off clarifying some things, I’m not going to try to defend myself as I was very clearly in the wrong. First I want to clarify, on the part where I said, “Pregnant women are built for function”, that is not something I said to her. I also think what I was saying was misunderstood, and people drew the wrong meaning from it. I worded it badly, and I want to make it clear, I do not think that a woman’s “function” is to get pregnant. I worded my point badly. Second, I’m pretty sure I’m not autistic. Over the last few years I’ve been tested a few times and each time it determined that my neurological condition most likely isn’t autism. It is likely something else and my specialist is looking more towards personality disorders, I’m going to start evaluation for NPD soon. Last, I want to make it clear that I’m not unattracted to her. I still do find her beautiful and will always think she is beautiful. Last night I went to her parents house and begged her mom to speak to her just so I could apologize for hurting her. My fiancée decided to hear me out and I expressed how sorry I was for my actions and my words and not making her feel as beautiful as she truly is. I told her that if she wanted to take time away from me I would understand but I just wanted to make it clear how sorry I was. She said she wanted to come home that night. When we got back home she rightfully gave me shit and told me that she’d never forget what I said to her. She told me that I needed to work on this problem and that I cannot be the way I am when we are married or when our baby is old enough to understand what I say to him. I understood that. I’ve told her that I’m going to start working with my therapist more on my social skills. I don’t want to hurt her like I did or hurt our child like I did her ever again. &#x200B; **Comments** **OOP on the misunderstanding** >Okay I was speaking from a biological perspective. The point I was trying to convey was that, now that she’s pregnant, her body is essentially going from normal maintenance to devoting all it’s energy and resources it can find to growing our baby at the expense of pretty much everything else. As a result, her body is going to change to fit that, which I don’t think is a crazy thing to say about a pregnant body. As a result there are going to be changes to her body that are made to be less about how she wants to look, and more about what is good for the baby. > >When I was saying that pregnant women are built for function, I was trying to say that pregnant women’s bodies change to suit the baby, not necessarily the mother. I mean, the baby is taking calcium from the mother to develop their own bones, draining vitamins from the mothers diet, and pressing down on her bladder to make room. > >I was not trying to say that now my fiancées purpose was to make babies. &#x200B; *What exactly do you consider a non-pregnant woman's biological function to be? Or a mans? Just to make babies? You know there is more to life and to human beings than that. That's why people are saying it's dehumanizing. A machine is built for function. A human has nuance to their existence. That does not end just because her body is altered to suit the baby.* *I have a degree in biology and I understand biological instincts impact our behaviors and thoughts but you still have to understand that not everything can be boiled down to such simplistic ideals.* >See this is what I mean. You’re willfully misinterpreting what I was saying. I wasn’t making commentary about the function of what a woman’s role in a relationship or role in motherhood was. I was referencing what her body is quite literally doing for our baby. > >Objectively speaking, her body is right now making changes in order to support our baby. I really don’t understand how that’s a controversial take. **Another user jokes:** *I’ll see you in the Dead Bedrooms sub in a year.* &#x200B; **Flairing as ongoing as the original problem looks to be only partially resolved.** **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

I can't lie and I told my fiancée I don't want to sleep with her as much now that she is pregnant

ONGOING

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16f6rrf/i_cant_lie_and_i_told_my_fiancée_i_dont_want_to/

16fdoh4

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Ayakashadow Thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this to BoRU. **My dad said he wishes he had a son rather then a daughter.** **Originally posted to** r/offmychest Trigger Warning: >!child neglect!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/164sh8r/my_dad_said_he_wishes_he_had_a_son_rather_then_a/) **- Aug 29, 2023** I apologize in advance for my bad Grammer or spelling. I'm writing this quickly and on a phone. I (17f) am not very close with my father (41m) due to him not wanting to spend much time with me. when I was little, me and my mom (39f) did lots of fun activities together and she always played with me and entertained me resulting in us having a good relationship now years later, but whenever I'd try to get my dad to play with me or watch something with me he'd be uninterested and tell me to go play with my mom. This happened practically everyday with me wanting to watch him work on his car or ask him to play but he always pushed me off and as I grew up, I believed that my dad just didn't like me so I asked him to play or teach me stuff less and less. He would only do stuff with me on my birthday and holidays though he always made sure I was fed when I was hungry and if I was upset he'd comfort me but other then that he would avoid me. Now to today, I was in the kitchen getting a snack and my dad was outside in the backyard on the phone with one of his friends. I could hear what he was talking about from the open kitchen window but I was ignoring it until he said my name in their conversation. I listened in more and heard him telling his friend that he wishes he had a son more then a daughter because he never wanted a girl and didn't try to build much of a relationship with me because of it and said he had tried to get my mom to have a 2nd kid to see if he could get a son but my mom didn't want 2 children at the time so he just ignored me when I was able to walk and talk so he could focus on other things and let my mom raise me. I went to my room after hearing this and am writing this now. I want to tell my mom because how hurt I feel but I also don't want to cause a argument between them since they are really close. Does anyone have a few suggestions on what I should do? Should I ask him about it or just tell my mom? &#x200B; [Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/16540iw/update_my_dad_said_he_wishes_he_had_a_son_rather/) \- **August 29, 2023 (Eight hours later)** Hi everyone, I have a short update for my situation from my last post. I firstly want to say how grateful and heartwarming seeing your comments were and your kind words really helped along with the few people who messaged me asking if I needed someone to talk to, I really love you all. On to the update. My mom got home from work and I waited until she wasn't busy to talk to her. I asked her to come with me to my room and once we both were in there with the door closed I told her what I overheard and how I felt, not just about his hurtful words but also how I've felt my whole life with how he treated me like I'm a stranger. My mom was quiet as I talk and once I finished she hugged me and told me how she's really sorry and hugged me while telling me how I'm the best thing to ever happen to her and that it didn't matter that I'm a girl because she'd love me either way and that's how parents should be and she'd always be there for me. After a bit she went to confront my dad who just admitted it, they got into a arguement from it which ended with him going to stay at my grandma's house for a bit. I'll add another update if anything new comes up. Edit: I forgot to mention but my mom also told me how she's been doing her best to fill both roles of my mom and dad since my dad wasn't. &#x200B; [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/169d8rn/update_2_my_dad_said_he_rather_have_a_son_the_a/?share_id=PTIQi0RKZJTTkHZj_aCMD&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) \- **Sept 3, 2023 (Five days later)** Wow, first off I want to say thank you to everyone who commented on my last 2 post. I've been given lots of advice and support which I really want to say thank you for, you have no idea how much it means to me. On to the update. My dad came home last night and my mom was hesitant to let him into the house but he said he needed to talk so she let him in. He, Me and My mom sat in the livingroom and he started apologizing for what had happened and was telling my mom and me that he regretted what he said and would step up to be a better father to me and to make things right. My mom told him that what he did was not acceptable in any way and that it's not a matter where apologizing will fix it. I then asked how exactly did he plan to make up ignoring me my whole childhood and not being a dad to me and how I'm turning 18 in a couple months and then I'll be a adult and won't be a child anymore, I then said that ignoring me all my childhood and pushing me away because of what's between my legs was a horrible thing and I don't forgive him. He started apologizing more and had some tears in his eyes which sort of surprised me but my mom asked me to head to my room so I did and I could hear my mom saying stuff and then my dad leave the house again. She came into my room after and told me that she would be not allowing him in our home anymore and gave me a hug before telling me that she texted his mom the night he left for a few days about what happened and apparently my grandma tore into him about it and kicked him out so he had to stay at one of his friends house. **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My dad said he wishes he had a son rather then a daughter.

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16fdoh4/my_dad_said_he_wishes_he_had_a_son_rather_then_a/

16fk6hd

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Jenzade **in** r/AITAH trigger warnings: >!child abuse/violence, substance abuse, parental neglect/endangerment, parental abandonment, mention of sexual assault!< mood spoilers: >!positive!<   [**Am I the asshole?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15nxaq4/am_i_the_asshole/) **- 10th August 2023** **Am I the asshole for pepper spraying my moms Boyfriend ?** I (17F) live with my mom and my little brother. Six months ago my mom moved in her new boyfriend let’s call him David. David is short tempered, loud ,obnoxious, and overall just a free loader .When my mom first moved him in, she told him he would need to pitch in. These are things that everybody in the house does even my little brother(8). I myself do the kitchen the main bathroom, my room,my bathroom ,the living room, on top of contributing about 500 a month toward bills. I never much minded this because my mom bust her ass every day at work and does extremely long shifts at the hospital. Even still, she doesn’t make that much so I decided to start taking over our phone bill and the rest of the money goes to food for the house. I graduated from high school early in June 2022 and decided to take a gap year before college so I can save up and help out more so my mom could get on her feet.This all was going really well ,until David moved in. David is “self employed ” meaning he does Uber for about three hours a day max. The rest of the day he spends in front of the TV running up the electric bill. But it’s not enough for David to add more to the bills he does not participate in paying .David selfishly eats and drinks everything in the fridge and anytime he’s confronted about it he says “it’s just food one of you can run out and get some more”. If that wasn’t enough, David never cleans up after himself. He’ll do things like leave the refrigerator open , spill things on the floor or counters, and just not pick it up, leave plates of food on the couch or by the window . I have even found cups in the bathroom! And it’s not just disgusting, living habits it’s his disgusting personality to match with it. David is constantly rude to my little brother. He yells at him for doing harmless kid things like laughing too loud at the TV or struggling with homework. He’ll even go as far as to say” if it was up to me, I would beat him every time he does that”. I’m quick to remind David that it’s not up to him so he can get the thought out of his head but apparently it didn’t click for him. On Saturday me and my brother were sitting at the table doing arts and crafts like we usually do over the weekend because during that time I don’t work. That day, in particular we were making slime. He did really good on a math test and it was some thing he had been wanting to do for a while. As he was playing with it, some of it accidentally got on his clothes. it honestly wasn’t a big deal because it’s Elmers glue and detergent . I went into the bathroom to go get a washcloth to wipe it out. The best I could before I went into the wash, and that is when I heard a loud, clapping noise and then my little brother let out a bloodcurdling scream . I wasn’t sure what happened so I grabbed my pepper spray and ran in to see what had happened. David had slapped my brother across the face after seeing the slime on his shirt. I walked into David yelling at my little brother and I was completely horrified.I picked up my brother carrying him to my room. I tried calming him and seeing if he was ok. While I was doing this, David was following behind me still yelling so I took my pepper spray and sprayed David while telling him to get the fuck out of my house. Once he was out,I removed the spare key from the back door, locked everything, threw all of his shit out of the window and immediately called my mom. I was honestly shocked by her response to the whole situation because she told me while it was wrong of David to slap my brother I took it too far and possibly ruined her relationship with David and she wasn’t sure how she would fix it with him. With that sentence alone I’m pretty sure she just ruined my relationship with her and I’m not sure what to do from here . My little brother is still really shaken up and so am I. I’m pretty sure she’s planning on moving David back in. I’m really lost on what I should do. Did I make the situation worse? What should I do ? Am I the asshole? **OOP Comments** >We don’t really have any other immediate family I have my dad however me and my brother have different fathers. I know my dad would be OK with it but I’m not sure my mom will let me take my brother and I’m afraid by getting the police involved we could get separated. > >My brother’s dad is not in the picture he had lied to my mom about being married .When she got pregnant, he said he wants nothing to do with my brother .I wouldn’t even know where to contact him if I wanted to. Neither of us have heard from him since my brother was 2 > >I genuinely have no idea where he is. He cut all contact with my mother he pays no child support or anything like that so I don’t think there’s a way to track him through the courts. my mother is estranged from her family because a close relative SA her when she was young, I have no way to contact him and quite frankly I don’t want to because I’m not sure it would be a better situation given the allegations. *Being in separate homes that are both safe is a fuck of a lot better than being together in a house where you are both in constant danger. PRIORITES.* >That sounds great theoretically but I actually have spent time in the system and it was anything but “safe” David is not back in the house as of this moment and I’m trying to get everything in order before my mom tries to move him back in. In the meantime, I have moved my brothers mattress into my room and he is sleeping there just in case anything happens. I promise you he is my top priority. *And what happens when you head to college and dude is still there? Please listen to what folks are telling you and start a paper trail of the abuse. Take pix of bruises etc. if he has them.* >I was supposed to go to college in the beginning of September, with a full ride, but I’m considering not going. It’s starting to look like my only option is moving in with my father and bringing my little brother with me until I can get stable enough to support us both on my own (if I can convince my mom to let me take him and everything works out legally) *I’m so sorry all of this has happened to you and your brother. I wish I could help. I’ve read a lot of good advice on here. Please follow all the on s saying to contact police.* >Thank you I’m definitely taking everyone’s advice into consideration. I’ve been up researching restraining orders and different ways to legally approach this since it happened, so I can see my best options moving forward .Any advice I’m given right now, is definitely taken into consideration, and not ignored. I appreciate you and everyone else’s kind words, and just in general taking the time to listen to me as that is something that I’ve been struggling to get my mom to do with this situation, and it means so much to me. &#x200B; **Judgement - Definitely NTA** &#x200B; [**Am I the asshole for pepper spraying my mom’s boyfriend (Update p1)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15odz4i/am_i_the_asshole_for_pepper_spraying_my_moms/) **- 11th August 2023** Wow! For starters, I just want to say thank you to all of the amazing people who gave me advice and validated my feelings in this situation . I was starting to feel like there was no way out in that I couldn’t escape .From the bottom of my heart, I appreciate everyone’s words so much. A few common questions and comments that I would like to clear up. **First off**, we do not have any other immediate family to stay with. My mother is estranged from her family because a close relative SA her when she was young.Even if I could reach out to them that would most likely not be a safe option. The only person is my dad however, since me and my brother have different biological dad’s I’m not sure if that will be harder to go about legally. **Second**, I have got a lot of inbox messages, of people cursing me out and berating me for not immediately going to CPS and the cops. I know now that it is what I should have immediately done when the situation happened and it comes across as me just being selfish.However I spent time in the system myself when I was younger because of a substance abuse, problem with my mom. It was not pretty!! I had to deal with things like mental, physical, and sexual abuse. The main reason I didn’t go to authorities immediately is because I do not want to put my brother in that situation. **Third** is some people have asked, why hasn’t any of his teachers said anything ?School has not started back up yet and my brother is in a camp. This specific camp helps kids who have things like autism or ADHD get immersed in learning, so things are easier for them when they transition into school(note the test). My brother is autistic, but highly functional and does have ADHD .David is on the pick up list for camp so I took the week off of work to spend at home with my brother because I don’t want to risk anything happening and my mom won’t take him off the list. I am not in any way, shape or form trying to cover for my mom or David!!!! **UPDATE:** Today I left my brother with a friend of mine very early in the morning hopefully by time I pick him up tonight everything will be sorted. I got back home around 7am and called my dad letting him know about what’s been going on . He said he suspects that my mom might be using again because that’s the only logical answer for why she could be acting like this. I’m not sure why I didn’t piece that together and it’s definitely my fault for not noticing the signs(the spoons I kept on finding in the bathroom, the nose bleeds, the behavior. I honestly feel like an idiot because I didn’t even consider it being a possibility. I thought she had changed . Anyway, my dad said that me and my little brother and more than welcome to stay with him. My mom arrived from work at about 8:30(if that’s even where she’s been). I asked her if she was using again she denied it the first few times I asked, but eventually admitted it. Based off of everything else, I said, some of you might’ve already guessed it but she also admitted David has been taking them with her. I made it clear to my mother that me and my little brother will be staying with my father moving forward. I will no longer be supporting her (or her drug habits unknowingly). We got into a screaming match, and she left the house .Honestly, it doesn’t even matter if she brings David in the house or not at this point .After finding out that she’s using again my brother is not safe around her either, me and my brother are leaving either way!!! I have pictures of my brothers face from when the incident first happened and I am about to be on my way to the precinct . That’s everything that has happened so far. I’m sorry if it’s not much of an update, but I will keep everyone posted on what’s happening and again thank you to everyone for the advice. **Comments** *Hey OP, I hope everything is alright with you.* >Everything is much better now me and my little brother or settling into our new lives *Your dad is great for offering up his place to you both. I hope you (and maybe even him) are able to get custody of your brother so he is forever safe. For college, don’t give it up. Maybe cut back in classes and go to one near you or even online for a bit. You and your brother both deserve happiness.* &#x200B; [**Aitah Final update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/168zrgo/aitah_final_update/) **- 3rd September 2023** Hi,I’m sorry to everyone who has been waiting for update. I know it’s been a while, but I just wanted to have time with my brother to get adjusted to our new life. Me and my little brother are now safe and living with my dad . My father hired a good lawyer, and everything has been worked out legally. My mother has since signed away all her rights to me and my brother. She was charged with endangerment of a minor and so was David. She has been sentenced to three years of probation. David has received a prison sentence of 364 days. I have decided to go no contact with my mother and so has my little brother. Before anyone ask NO I AM NOT FORCING HIM TO NOT SPEAK TO MY MOTHER. My brother recently opened up to me, and said that my mother would treat him badly when I wasn’t around. Doing things like putting her cigarettes out in his food and still making him eat it or spitting on him. I wish I could have known earlier and been a better sister to him. I plan to spend the rest of my life, making it up to him. I’m happy to say that I decided not to drop out of college before even starting, and I want to say thank you to everyone that advised against it . I am not living on campus in my first semester I have decided to commute instead it is about an hour drive away from where my dad lives however, my father doesn’t mind driving me until I’m able to save up for a car. I plan to live on campus either my second or third semester but I just want to make sure my brother is fully adjusted to his new home before I leave them anywhere. He will be starting school in about a week and I know it will be a challenge for him. Being that we live with my dad now he won’t be able to go to the same school anymore and starting at a new place will be a big deal for him. Overall everything worked out I do wish my mother and David got more of a consequence for their actions but I guess some type of consequence is better than none at all. I again want to say thank you to everyone who supported me through this journey and gave words of encouragement and amazing advice. Through this process, I did lose some of my friends and people who I thought really close to me but all of support really helped me get through it.   **Comments** *I am so proud of you for stepping up to the plate for you and your brother. And I agree it's best to stay far away from your mother. All the best with your studies and your future endeavors. Plz continue to keep your brother safe.* >Thank you for the support and kind words. i’m going to do the best. I can moving forward to be there for my brother. &#x200B; *Edit - changed the date of the first post to the 10th rather than 11th, as it would have been the 10th August in OOP's timezone.* **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP wonders AITA for pepper spraying my moms boyfriend

CONCLUDED

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16fk6hd/oop_wonders_aita_for_pepper_spraying_my_moms/

16flbag

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/sandraal530 **Any ideas? Found in a hotel bar, unmarked envelope.** **Originally posted to** r/Austin [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/Austin/s/Wp5UWsGZPc) **Aug 31, 2023** [Picture of the invitation](https://imgur.com/a/w63yMwd) **TEXT OF THE INVITATION** Serendipity has whispered your name in the winds of chance, this parchment came JOIN US FOR A Celebration Of Fate Jeffrey's Austin 1204 West Lynn Saturday, the 2nd of September | 7PM If you have found this invitation, you and one companion are cordially invited to a seated dinner with drinks. This invitation serves as your reserved place at our table; kindly present it at the hostess to be seated. SAY "YES" TO DESTINY OR FOREVER LINGER IN CAPTIVATING UNCERTAINTY **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **TacoMaster42069** >Could be an invitation to a Time Share dinner. >or >An epic Eyes Wide Shut party. **jkvincent** >>Plot twist, it is both a sales pitch and a freaky sex thing **mareksoon** >>>A sex pyramid! **largechild** >>>>MLM (Male Looking 4 Male) * **theicarusambition** >If you're unsure about going, I'll go and update everyone. If it's an MLM or time-share deal, I don't mind sitting through it for a free meal, if it turns out I have to pay, I can swing it. If I get murdered, whatever, I've lived a decent enough life. Let me know if you want to give up the physical invitation (assuming you need it to get in). >u/sandraal530 offer stands lol **g0bsmack** >>This the Reddit hero we need. Somebody HAS to go. It would be a shame not to find out. * **luxmesa** >This seems like the opening of a horror movie. Like the host has a series of elaborate and poetic murders planned * **AD_NYC** >The Rainy Street Ripper is getting really creative with their advertising * [Update](https://reddit.com/r/Austin/s/YdJTt0XRwC) **Sept 3, 2023** Well Reddit, it is with great pleasure that I provide an update to this post. Original post The winds of destiny smiled upon us last evening as no murder, sex parties or MLM schemes visited us Saturday night. A table of 12 trickled into a private room at Jefferys to nervous conversation and inquiries about how we all discovered our elaborate invitations. Some of us, including me, had them handed down from a friend. One couple staggered in 15 minutes past the appointment hour with a story about originally being turned away as the party was full. I can only surmise that the original host maybe backed out last minute opening up the additional 2 seats. As others have pointed out, more invitations were scattered around town than available seats, and some were turned away with an offer of a gift card, and that they would find out more at a later date. Our diverse table was enjoying the mystery and partaking in chit chat when we were presented with a “mystery game” of discovering who among us was was lying and were indeed the esteemed host of the intricate dinner. There were a series of conversational prompts that were meant to get us to open up in an attempt to identify who this traitor was. Unfortunately, dispute most of our suspicions that the wealthier, later to arrive couple were involved, it turned out no one eating with us was the liar. A player among us guessed as much and won a $500 prize. We had a great time and ended up at an after party at one of the couples homes (still my prime suspects that they are at least involved by proximity to the mystery individual, loved Jeffrey’s and had the means to throw this on). They additionally owned a company (CEO rumor) and the female had similar conversational prompts to the game. I still don’t understand why someone would put this on and not show up? What is the gain? So theories: • Original creator of event couldn’t make it or backed out, why the last couple was only allowed to enter after the dinner was underway and were originally told the room was full. This was meant to just be for fun. • There will be some type of marketing that comes out of this, but no disclosures were signed so ….?! • Host was present, and didn’t reveal themselves when it became too obvious (wealthy couple) • Mystery game was a unique gift to an individual present Things to note: no new alcohol or menu items provided. Takeaways: Met some cool people, ate some good food and got zero answers but so is life! Edit to answer some questions: Everything was paid for including drinks. The cash prize was in an envelope in the middle of the table, underneath a flower arraignment. There was a lot of shrieking when this was discovered. Jeffrey’s employees had been directed on how to conduct the evening. Social media can be very cynical at times. This was an adventurous experience with strangers. We all had a wonderful evening, and if we never find out who put this on, I hope it brings them some joy to know the rest of us really enjoyed it. “The biggest risk, is not taking any risk”. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Any ideas? Found in a hotel bar, unmarked envelope.

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16flbag/any_ideas_found_in_a_hotel_bar_unmarked_envelope/

16flfs5

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/AdministrativeGift58](https://www.reddit.com/user/AdministrativeGift58/). He posted in r/relationship_advice. Thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for the recommendation! **Mood Spoiler:** >!overall positive!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/16288lj/all_my_friends_think_my_22m_girlfriend_21f_is/)**: August 26, 2023** Hi Reddit I (22M) started dating my girlfriend, let’s call her Alice (21F) about 7 months ago. We met while working on a group project for one of our college classes. From the moment I met her I felt an instant connection. She was beautiful, smart, and we shared a bunch of common interests. Long story short we flirted for a few weeks before I finally asked her out and we’ve been happily going out since. Now here comes the problem. About a month ago my friends and I were planning to hangout and I invited Alice. While me and Alice are from the same home town we met during college and a majority of our relationship has been during the school year. While we know each other’s college friends we’d never met each other’s hometown friends. I know that Alice has really bad social anxiety so I was hesitant to invite her at first, but when I did ask she seemed nervous but really excited. The party seemed to go really well. Alice was smiling and laughing the whole time and even got to go on a rant about a topic she really liked. When it was over she even told me while I was taking her home how much she liked my friends.When I asked my friends what they thought of Alice they all said she seemed nice. All except my best friend “Ruben” (22M) . When I asked him , he told me that he hated her. I immediately questioned why. Hoping it was them not mixing well, as I can acknowledge that Ruben and Alice are complete opposites when it comes to interests and personality, but Ruben told me he hated her because of how creepy she is and I was better off dumping her. Now this threw me off as I had never once considered Alice creepy. She’s actually the cutest girl I'd ever met and I’ve never felt more comfortable around someone as I do around her. Before I could even ask what he meant he went off on a rant about how uncomfortable she made him and started citing stories I told him about our dates during college. Stuff like how she’d stare at me without staying anything and just “enjoyed looking at me”, how she eat the same meals whenever we went to dinner, how unjealous she was when a girl came up and flirted with me, or about her deep knowledge of poisons and love for murder mystery’s and true crime. Both of which she could talk about for hours but neither of which she actually talked about at the party. He said that while he wrote them off before since they didn’t seem to bother me, which they don’t, but that after meeting her in person and seeing how weird and flighty she was, he can tell that she’s a secret psycho and will end up either breaking my heart or physically hurting me. I tried to explain to him how any weirdness was, probably just because she was nervous about meeting them for the first time, but he insisted that we’ve had friends SOs have anxiety before and it was that she was plain weird . I blew him off at first cause he sounded fucking crazy, Alice isn’t perfect but she’s far from creepy, but after two weeks of him telling me to dump her and me getting tired of telling him to drop it. I reached out to a few of our friends to prove him wrong, but to my surprise they all agreed that Alice was creepy. Most of them said that the way she spoke really threw them off, which is fair since Alice can be weirdly formal sometimes but I didn’t notice her doing that at the party at all And typically it’s much more funny then unsettling. Most of my friends told me it wasn’t enough to break up with her since they still genuinely found her sweet and fun to be around, but I did have one other friend say it was worth breaking up over and he was just too embarrassed to tell me at first. I have no plans of breaking up with Alice because all the stuff they’re calling creepy I find cute when she does, but are they right? Is it creepy she does that stuff? Should I talk to her about it? Should I just tell my friends to fuck off and ignore there concerns? I feel bad for even questioning about this but with all my friends agreeing it’s starting to gnawing at me, and I just need some clarification If it’s actually creepy or if they’re just being dramatic. **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/16a1r8j/update_all_my_friends_think_my_22m_girlfriend_21f/)**: September 4, 2023 (9 days later)** Wow thank you all so much for you helpful comments and validation. I’m glad y’all agree that the stuff Alice is doing wasn’t really creepy. Anyway to get into the meat of this update. Since i posted originally I spoke with each of my friends individually and talked to them about what they said. Pretty much all of them apologized and some even offered to apologize to Alice herself, which at the time I said no to since I didn’t really want them interacting with her, but we’ll get back into that later. The only one who didn’t apologize, as I’m sure you guessed, was Ruben. I want to address some comments suggesting that Ruben could either be attracted to me or maybe even Alice. I don’t think either of those are true as Alice is the first girlfriend Ruben has ever acted like this with even though I’ve dated plenty of girls, and Alice isn’t his usual type. He may still be attracted to her, I mean she is fucking gorgeous but Ive known the guy since 3rd grade and so I know he’s pretty picky about the girls he’s with. So I don’t think it’s that I think he’s just a major dick. I’ve known Ruben literally my whole life, since our moms were college friends and moved close to each other when we were young. With so much history I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt by just asking him to drop it since I really didn’t care if he found her creepy I really liked her and he’d just have to deal with it if he wanted to continue being friends. He didn’t apologize or even say he was wrong but he did agree to stop commenting on it. Which isn’t perfect but works for now as I consider if I really want to continue to be friends with him. Yesterday I met up with Alice for a casual date it wasn’t anything fancy just a home picnic (I have really bad allergies so we couldn’t do it outside). We had some candles and our favorite foods and we watched movies and dissected our favorite tropes. About half way through our third movie Alice brought up Ruben since she heared about an upcoming car show/auction her dad told her about and she remembered me saying that he loved vintage cars and suggested the three of us and a friend of hers who was also into cars could go together, so she could get to know him better. It felt crazy that she suggested this days after mine and Ruben’s fight and it made me feel sick with how sweet she was being to such a jerk. I gave some weak excuses about how she hates car shows and doesn’t have to do that or how Ruben wouldn’t be comfortable doing that. My girlfriend being the angel she was said she could tough through it or even just let me and Ruben go together if he wasn’t comfortable with her yet and she’d even pay for the tickets cause it was a private showing. This was the point I broke and told her everything that happened. She took it really well just calmly listening while I rambled through my explanation and even ended up apologizing to me about weirding out her friends. I tried to explain it wasn’t her fault and she didn’t need to apologize. As a lot of you suspected she ended up telling me how she believed she was autistic but since she hadn’t gotten an official diagnosis so she wasn’t comfortable telling people. After a lot of guiltily back and forth between the two of us she told me she didn’t want me cutting off my friends since they did apologize and didn’t say anything cruel just pointed out her neurodivergent tendencies which aren’t an insult to her, but I put my foot down that I for sure won’t be bringing her around Ruben anymore and plan to distance myself from him and my other friends for the time being which she agreed was fair. She also wants to meet up with my friends who want to apologize to her since they seem genuine in there regret. Overall things turned out pretty well and thank you all so much for your input. **Editor's note- honestly Alice sounds like a catch and I want to be her friend.**

All my friends think my (22M) girlfriend (21F) is “creepy”. Are they right?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16flfs5/all_my_friends_think_my_22m_girlfriend_21f_is/

16flg82

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/ValleysHiraeth](https://www.reddit.com/user/ValleysHiraeth/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Mood Spoiler:** >!light reading!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/117r01h/wibta_for_continuing_to_wear_a_swimsuit_in/)**: February 20, 2023** I'm currently spending the week visiting a couple that I've been friends with for many years now. I get on really well with both of them and it's nice to catch up and spend some time in their part of the country. They have a nice house and recently added a private hot tub area out the back and said I was welcome to use it. It's got a small sauna, the hot tub, and an outdoor shower - it's all enclosed for privacy. They're fairly open about the fact that they use it naked. I know they've visited European spas where swimwear isn't allowed and stuff. They're not naturists but they just prefer not to wear anything in spas. They've got some little jokey signs up in the spa area about being nude and another about etiquette like showering before getting in the hot tub and sitting on a towel in the sauna etc but one of the etiquette rules said that swimwear was not allowed and I ignored that. I get that it's their thing but it's not something I wanted to do so I wore my swimsuit. I left it to dry with the towels which they noticed and asked if I'd worn it. I told them that I had and they told me that it wasn’t appropriate because they don't allow swimwear. For me it just felt weird to get naked because it's just a preference and anyway no one was around when I used it so I didn't feel the need to follow that particular rule. I followed all the others. I said I just don't want to be out there naked and have someone come along and see me. I said I'd do it if they promise not to also use it while I am or I don't mind them being naked but I'd rather have something on. They both said that it's not a big deal to be naked in a spa and that if I used it when they are out or working then it's unlikely either of them will come out at the same time as me but they won't promise to give me private use. They're saying as it's their house I should respect their rules and use it without my swimsuit but they're basically saying that I can't object if they then come and join me while I'm naked. It wasn't a super heated argument just a debate about the principle. They've told me I shouldn't use it if I'm not willing to do so nude and accept that they may also want to use it at the same time. WIBTA if I ignore them and just keep wearing my swimsuit when I use it? ***Relevant Comments:*** *Where are they from?* "She is from the Netherlands and this is happening in Wales. I said I'd be more comfortable if they let me use it privately at first but she wouldn't agree to that if it was when they usually use it. I asked if I can wear a swimsuit with them at first and she didn't agree to that either, just said I could practice during the day while they're out which seemed rude." *Could it be for health/safety reasons? Ultimately you are not entitled to use their spa, especially if you don't follow their rules:* "This is a fair point and others have mentioned that there is more to it than just a cultural preference. I don't want to be TA here and in fairness I've had it to myself the last two times I've used it when they weren't home so I'll try it now without a swimsuit and later I'll speak to them when they're home about why they have the rule. We didn't speak too much about why the first time and more about the logistics of it." **Small Update from OOP in comments: (next day)** "I did use the spa again today when they were both at work but kept my swimsuit on. My friends are definitely not sexual predators and it's kind of wild how many people jumped to that conclusion. BUT so many people said check for cameras and I thought 'you never know'. Had a good look around and there's nothing and pretty much no way to see into the spa either so I wanted to clear that up. They came home from work and didn't say anything about it and I didn't leave my suit out to dry so they clearly have no idea I used it again while wearing it. She's Dutch but she hasn't lived there in a while so I was being a bit more stubborn because we're not in the Netherlands and kind of wanted to make a point about the swimsuit but I've seen plenty of comments about it being unhygienic and unsafe which I hadn't considered before." "I think perhaps on reflection I was being a bit defensive and stubborn. It's just a different culture. They're great people and I wouldn't want to ruin a friendship so will speak to them tomorrow." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update (Same Post): February 26, 2023 (6 days later)** This post got way more attention than I was expecting and some of the comments are WILD so I wanted to put an update to say how the rest of the week went. Firstly, they weren’t trying to do anything sexual and there were no cameras. Before anyone asks, yes I did check for the sake of being able to say that I have. There was nothing in my room, the bathroom, or outside by the spa. A Redditor sent me an article about it and a link to an app for detecting them so I’m as sure as I can be that the place wasn’t bugged. I (28F) have known them (26F, 29M) for seven years. She is from the Netherlands originally and he used to live there but we are currently in Wales. I’ve stayed with them before but the spa is new since my last visit. As some of you stated, IWBTA if I kept using it and ignored their rules so I tried it sans swimsuit while they were out at work and that went fine. Obviously felt odd at first but nothing too scary and I can see the appeal and reasons for going without. I spoke to 26F that evening and we sat down so I could ask why they have the nudity rule besides it not being a big deal to them. (Not mentioning Reddit thanks to the hundreds of accusations against their character on here.) She was very understanding and I think we communicated a lot better than the first time it was discussed. She explained that the main reason they chose to spend money on it was so they would have somewhere here that they could use without swimwear. They understand that it isn’t for everybody, but they bought it for them not for anyone else. She said people here have plenty of options if they want to visit a spa in swimwear and basically I don’t have to use their stuff if I don’t want to be naked.  They mainly had two issues: 1. She felt it was rude the way I had asked before to use it whenever I wanted and that they would have to work around my schedule, which is apparently how I made it sound. I did apologise for way I came across. 2. She also made a point that it was not appropriate that I suggested I stayed clothed while her husband was naked in there. I said it had caught me off guard as I wasn’t expecting it to apply to guests and just assumed it was that they wanted to be nude but wouldn’t expect me to be also. Apparently, the spas they use in the Netherlands require that everybody be naked to use the saunas and pools etc. Even the changing rooms are mixed gender and you just wear a dressing gown in the restaurant. Most will have a couple of swimwear days where the opposite applies and swimwear is mandatory, so it’s an all or nothing thing which makes it fair for everyone and that's why they objected to me coming in with them with a swimsuit on. She said it is better for you and the equipment to be naked, especially more hygienic and easier to maintain for them. She explained how important it is to use the shower before and when moving between the hot tub and sauna, as well as to dry off and sit on a towel when in the sauna. Just lots of info that I didn't really have any idea of before. They were happy to agree times that I could use it alone but had assumed I’d understood that during the day when they were out was the time they had suggested so that I could have privacy. She said if I want to use it in the evenings that I could just check with them and agree separate times so no one intrudes on each other, and that they’d never have barged in without checking that I was either not there or that I was covered up if they thought I was using it nude. I then asked whether I could have worn one of my swimsuits if it was washed appropriately so as not to cause issues for them cleaning the hot tub and she said that would be fine if I really didn’t want to be naked. She didn’t recommend wearing a swimsuit in the sauna but said I could go in wrapped in a towel if I wanted to be covered up. She said she didn't mind me joining her while she used it naked but that I should just ask 29M if he minded that because she would find it weird if one of his male friends wanted to come in when she was naked but insisted on being dressed. She suggested they could put some swimwear in to wash so we can all use it together before I leave if I really wasn’t comfortable with the nudity, which was kind of her. I owned up to using it again wearing my swimsuit and we laughed it off she just didn’t get why I cared because they weren’t even home. I did then say that I tried it again without and wouldn’t mind trying it again with her. She and I went in together without swimsuits and she just kind of reassured me that I don’t need to be self-conscious or anything and to take my time. Then on the last night I built up the courage to go in with both them. It was completely platonic before anyone asks. Scary at first but also exhilarating. I was definitely making a big effort to maintain eye contact but 29M was very respectful and I felt at ease with them in the end. I didn't forgot that I was naked or anything but after a little while I was just ok with it which I wasn't expecting to happen so fast. So no big drama in the end and, while the thought of nudity in front of others still makes me feel uncomfortable, I'm very glad that I gave this a go. Thanks to everyone who offered their advice and support to this first time nude spa goer x

WIBTA for continuing to wear a swimsuit in friends' hot tub?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16flg82/wibta_for_continuing_to_wear_a_swimsuit_in/

16fpzlq

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/fairlyaround **in** r/queerpolyam mood spoilers: >!Happy!<   [How to tell person I'm dating that I'm Polyamorous?](https://www.reddit.com/r/queerpolyam/comments/14ybo1x/how_to_tell_person_im_dating_that_im_polyamorous/) \- 13 July 2023 So, I (17 almost 18 ftm trans) have started dating this incredibly wonderful person (18 gender non conforming) that I've also been friends with since 2016. We share pretty much all of the same friends, and we're very close. Now, I've made jokes and dropped hints in the past prior to us dating that I am polyamorous, but I don't know if they've picked up on it. They are amazing, and so far my only partner, and it's going to stay that way until I tell them and gauge their opinion on the matter. I don't want to hurt their feelings, though, that's what I'm scared about. Another thing about our relationship, is that there's strictly no sex (I'm aegosexual/acespec with a slight repulsion), so I'd be completely fine if they brought up the idea of opening up the relationship even for that sole purpose on their end, y'know? So, I don't know, I just would like to hear from someone with a fresh perspective. Any help is much appreciated. Edit: I just wanna say thank you to everyone who has commented and given their two cents on the matter. And thank you for being nice, kind, and most importantly patient with me. I'm going to copypaste (with slight edits for context) a reply I posted to someone's comment right here, not that it excuses my ways of communicating the fact prior to starting the relationship, but here it is. We share basically everything with each other. My memory's been a bit foggy lately due to recurring trauma flashbacks and just stress at work and home, but I did some thinking and I remember mentioning in passing a couple of times before we started dating that I was Poly, whenever it came up in conversation with our friends, which is rare, so they might have forgotten. So, not the best, but I'm going to explicitly bring it up to them again soon, so I just want to say thank you again to everyone who commented. I appreciate it 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷 Edit 2: I messaged them asking if we could talk, would you all mind if I posted an edit or an update later on depending on the result of the conversation? Either way it goes, I want it to be done as amicably as possible and in the right way, and again, I appreciate everyone, and I mean EVERYONE'S advice. I know I messed up, and there's not much I can do to fix my mistake in the past but work on the future to rectify that mistake.  Relevant Comments: >*i don't think dropping hints and sneaking around the fact that you are poly is a good idea. sit down with them and straight up tell them. the longe \[sic\] you wait, the more difficult it's gonna be. also be prepared that they might not be on board with poly. it's a possibility that the both of you are not compatible in that way. it's also a possibility that you are.* &#x200B; >*Should really tell them straight up first. Do they also know you're ace? That could be a bigger deal breaker than disclosing youre poly tbf.* OOP: They do know I'm ace, and they said they were fine with that. But I know they're allo, which is (partly) why I personally would be fine if they saw other people. Half of our friend group is polyamorous, and they've hooked up with at least one of them so I know that's kind of different, but from what little I know about their opinions on the matter, they seem pretty indifferent/chill with it. I'm going to try and bring it up to them tonight. &#x200B; >*Words lol. Direct ones.* OOP: simple and to the point, i respect that :)but seriously though, I will, I promise. I know I messed up by not doing it beforehand, but I'm trying to message them rn telling them I need to talk to them about something, but they're not responding &#x200B; >I’m a little concerned that your very close friend you’ve known for seven years does not know that you are polyamorous. What does being “very close” mean to you? OOP: We share basically everything with each other. My memory's been a bit foggy lately due to recurring trauma flashbacks and just stress at work and home, but I did mention in passing a couple of times nefore we started dating that I was Poly, whenever it came up in conversation with our friends, which is rare, so they might have forgotten. &#x200B; [UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/queerpolyam/comments/150wdlb/update_how_to_tell_person_im_dating_that_im/)**: how to tell person I'm dating that I'm polyamorous?** \- 16 July 2023 (3 days later) &#x200B; Well, don't I feel like a fucking idiot lmao. THEY KNEW THE WHOLE TIME, TURNS OUT I DID (explicitly) MENTION IT TO THEM. AND THEY WERE OPEN TO CHANGING OUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS FROM MONOGAMOUS TO POLYAMOROUS ONCE WE HAD A SERIOUS TALK ABOUT IT AND SET SOME RULES/ETHICS IN PLACE. I WAS SCARED FOR NO REASON. I figured I owed you guys an update, and I wanted to say thank you so much for your advice and stuff. Mission: Success &#x200B; OOP Also commented in a different subreddit: I started going out with a friend of mine, and I couldn't remember if I had told them I was poly. So, I told them tonight, and they were like "yeah, you told me lol," so we discussed it some more in a more serious manner and they were totally completely 100% open to being in a polyamorous relationship style, so yay! &#x200B;  **Reminder - I am not the original poster.** *(this is also my first BORU)*

How to tell the person I'm dating that I'm Polyamorous?

CONCLUDED

dracona

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16fpzlq/how_to_tell_the_person_im_dating_that_im/

16ftll5

**I am NOT OOP. Original post by** u/lofnwashere **AITAH for not allowing my daughter to attend my BFFs wedding to her biological father?** **Originally posted to** r/AITAH Trigger Warnings: >!rape of a minor, verbal abuse, and emotional abuse!< \-----  [AITAH for not allowing my daughter to attend my BFFs wedding to her biological father?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/164w9d9/aitah_for_not_allowing_my_daughter_to_attend_my) **- August 29th, 2023** I know how bad that sounds and I'll start by admitting this is fully based on my feelings of betrayal, hurt, and disgust. I (27F) have an amazing daughter, A (12F), and I'm married to the most amazing man, T (27M), in the world. My daughter and I have been living in Japan for the last 9 years, the home country of my husband. I returned to the UK for the first time since leaving this month (Aug 2023) to meet my nephew. My best friend, R (26F), and I have been best friends since we were 3 years old, she has always been my rock through everything, especially when I was pregnant with my daughter. As you can see, I gave birth to my daughter when I was 15. Her biological father, D (33M), has had no interaction with either of us since I the night I got pregnant, nor ever showed an interest, until now. To address the elephant in the room, D raped me when I was 15 and he was 21. I come from a very religious family, aka, my father is a Deacon, there was no option. HOWEVER, I absolutely adore my daughter and do not equate her to that horrible experience, she saved me and I have spent every day loving her thanks to a lot of support, therapy, and her just being the most loving little sweet peach out there. A few other things to note: She doesn't know the nature of her conception as how tf do you explain that to any child under any circumstances My husband adopted her, and she knows they're not related biologically, but they absolutely adore one another D gave up all parental rights in a plea deal for a lesser sentence Now, onto the main thing: I came back to the UK to meet my nephew, but booked to stay for a few weeks to visit my family and friends, but it was all a surprise. No-one except my mum knew we were coming over. It was very fun and so lovely to see everyone's shock and surprise, my daughter is having the best time with her aunts, and they're all so excited to see her in person. I decided to also surprise R, turning up at her house, ringing the door bell and seeing the man who raped me was definitely the last thing I was expecting. I assumed by some twisted and cruel coincidence, that I got the address wrong, but then R comes to the door calling him babe. It honestly felt like a horrible clichéd teen movie were the main protagonist caught her best friend and boyfriend together. I knew she was seeing someone, but said that she wouldn't let me meet them until it was in person — she's my best friend, I had no reason not to trust her, I know that makes me stupid as hell but I just never could have thought she'd do this. It's been 3 days since then and she has been blowing up my phone, begging to talk, I finally gave in because, as established above, I'm a moron. She said she was sorry for how I found out about them, and if I could forgive her for falling in love with my "ex", which not only pissed me off but also my husband who knows everything this whole ordeal put me through. I cut her off, saying I couldn't have this conversation especially since my daughter was in the room and she replied saying something like "well she'll have to find out about the wedding soon for dress fittings", I asked her what she meant because no way did I hear that correctly and she said that as her "soon-to-be step-mum" she wants her as the flower girl, as we have always said since we were growing up that our kids would be flower girl/ring bearer, I told her in absolutely no way, shape, or form would my daughter be attending that wedding. She said I was being petty and jealous and that I can't stop her "real dad" from being a part of her life, we've not spoken since this morning on the call, but I'm already receiving messages from our mutual friends saying that I've caused her to breakdown and ruined her wedding but I genuinely believe I am not only morally right but also legally? So, I'm putting my most personal story online and asking you, AITAH?   [UPDATE #1](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/165be1b/update_aitah_for_not_allowing_my_daughter_to/) **- August 30th, 2023 (One day later after OG Post)** Just to prevent any disappointment, this isn't a proper update but moreso a post for more information with a little update at the end, you can skip to that if you want. Firstly, thank you to those who took time to assure me that I'm not in fact crazy for believing myself to be in the right. Secondly, to those saying this is fake, please manifest that harder so I wake up from this nightmare. Thirdly, my bad for the title — I also would have taken it as my BFF marrying her own dad. Answers to questions I've seen/received: Moving to Japan at 18, I am in a very lucky and privileged position to have an Uncle who moved to Japan following his deployment in the Navy many a year ago. Additionally, my parents wanted me to finish high school and 6th form before shipping me off to the other side of the world to avoid judgement from the community — if they could have sent me to Neptune, they would have. Plea deal, I used this term as it is more commonly known, but if you want an accurate depiction of what happened, I'll do my best to explain but I am a) not a lawyer and b) talking about a period of my life I do my best to forget. D was charged with the Statutory Rape of a minor which is a Category 1 for Harm because it resulted in a pregnancy, it was also considered a Category B for culpability because it wasn't premeditated and was played off "if the age of consent was lower this wouldn't be an issue" type of thing. There are nor plea deals in the UK but there are plea bargains which are used to encourage people to plead guilt so there is no trial (or shorter trial if it's already began) through offering lesser charges or reduced sentences. There was other factors involved, he plead guilty, had no previous arrests or convictions, had a letter from a psychiatrist saying that he lacked maturity due to some disorder, and he "showed remorse" during the hearing, because of this, his charge was reduced to a Category 2 harm and Category B culpability case, sentenced to 5 years in prison, placed on the sex offenders register until he was notified of being removed. He served around 3.5 years of that sentence before being released and was on the sex offenders register until last year sometime because a review showed he had changed or something, I'm not really sure, my friend explained it to me today but we're like 3 rows down the grape vine at this point, so take that with a pinch of salt. 3. Deacons, there are around 738 active Deacons in the UK currently, my father is not one of them. Hasn't been since 2019 as he has been living in the US looking after my grandmother. Not that I have to explain, but currently only 2 of my 4 sisters live in the UK, with another living in Sweden to study and another living in the US. I recognise completely the privilege we have to live all over the world. If this means you think I'm lying, then I repeat, please keep manifesting that so I no longer have to deal with this. 4. I am many things, but my daughter is my whole world and I will do anything to protect her. I was not on here to see if I should allow her to go to the wedding, I had already decided that there was no chance in hell that was happening. Don't call me a bad mother, everything I have done has been what I believe to be in her best interest. 5. My BFF was the first person I told about what D done to me, it was her and her mum who took me to the police station. It was her who sat with me crying in the school toilets when I was being sick. It was her who watched all the videos sent to me by the baby support class. I don't know what changed. She has been going through a lot, facing many issues through COVID but nothing I can think to explain this change. UPDATE: My husband has tried to change our flights but due to the air traffic control issues in the UK, this hasn't been possible, as of yet but we will keep looking into it. I have contacted my lawyer, he says that there is no legal claim from their side, so that has eased me slightly but I'm an overthinker so my mind continues to rage on with all possible outcomes. With regards to talking to my daughter and explaining everything, she isn't completely in the dark over the circumstances. She knows it was a bad situation, and whenever she has asked questions regarding her paternity, I've done my best to explain to her without outright stating "you were a product of rape" because I don't want her to ever question whether she is loved or wanted. She is going into that really vulnerable age and I'm trying to be as sensitive as possible surrounding it, but my husband and I have decided that due to the circumstances, we need to tell her. I've already contacted my therapist and she has arranged for a chat with a child psychologist when we return, my daughter will then have the option of speaking with my husband or I present, or having sessions on her own. I've been dealing for years with my trauma, and it was selfish on my part to wait this long, but my childhood was taken away by this man and I believed I was protecting her, but I now know I.was protecting myself. R's number has been blocked on all our phones and she cannot reach us through social media either, for the time that we remain in the UK, she will never be without my husband, my mother, or myself. Thank you all for your words of support. My mind has been spinning nonstop, but I'll power through for my daughter. EDIT: My friends mother passed away in 2020 before she had ever mentioned a partner, but I know for a fact, she wouldn't approve. She would have kicked her ass up and down the street. She was a wonderful woman   [Update #2](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/169redr/update_aitah_for_not_allowing_my_daughter_to/) \- **September 4th, 2023 (Six days after OG Post)** Hi there, I never thought I'd have to be one of those people doing an update on a reddit thread but here we are, welcome back to what is, hopefully, the final update needed for this horrific experience. First of all, I want to thank you all again for your words of support, and those reaching out to me privately and on the comments, I believe I've read most of them but there was so many I couldn't reply to all. Secondly, we're back in Japan. Home never felt so warm. We arrived back yesterday morning, my in-laws being godsends and picking us up at that awful hour. Onto the full update and everything that is to come: My husband and I sat down with our daughter and explained that we'd be leaving early, and honestly that was so difficult in itself that I almost backed out of explaining everything to her about D, but she is honestly the most amazing human in the world, it felt as if she was the one getting me through it. Her and I had the conversation as my husband fulfilled a promise to my brother-in-law to make his famous Pad Thai before we left. The conversation itself, wasn't that bad, turned out she was already privvy to some information that it was SA related — my father, the delightful man that he is, explained last Christmas that some sins are easier to forgive and I'm not exactly sure on the wording he used but essentially warned her that my "bastard childbirth" was forgiven by God because it was forced upon me, but she needs to stay pure to be let into heaven — I had heard part of the conversation but not the full thing, got into an argument with him about the way he speaks to my child and how he's not to force his beliefs onto her, as I refuse to raise my daughter the same way we were raised. This is not an invitation to voice your religious beliefs/opinions. You do you. No judgement here. Essentially, after his comment, her own very sneaky research, she put 2 and 2 together, matched my age, and concluded the nature of her conception without telling me. Obviously, for me to confirm it, that was a whole other thing. We both went through the 5 stages of grief in that short time, I apologised for keeping her in the dark, and this conversation will obviously continue throughout the years, but on her terms. She's a bright girl, she is very aware of things around her and I know that she will go on to do amazing things, I'm also trying to prepare myself for any questions, arguments, or issues she brings to me, I expect that once we settle back home, there will be further emotions and I'm willing to work through my own trauma in order to help her through her own, and my husband, he is the greatest support either of us could have. She has her consultation with the therapist on Thursday, she wants us all to go together and then she can decide on what course she wants to take from then on out. She's just been catching up on her sleep yesterday and today, and without going into the details of what went down with R, she understands not to reach out to her and if she receives anything from her to tell me or her dad straight away. She pushed for a few answers, but my husband working his usual magic (promising her ice cream) encouraged her to settle for the very basic answer of "your mum and R had a falling out and it's pretty bad", she's smart though, so that answer won't work for long but it gives me time to discuss it with my own therapist and the child therapist. So we'll see where to go from here. I've had no communication with R or anyone who reached out to me to complain that I ruined her wedding, one friend went as far as to confront me at the pharmacy on Friday, but luckily my sister was ready to fight and he backed off. No-one knew we were leaving other than immediately family, so there was no hassle there. I truly hope that one day I'll understand what R has done, what has happened to her — and our former friendship — to lead to this, but alas, for now, it remains unknown. I truly hope this is the end of the saga, that we can start moving forward, and beginning my daughters journey of recognising she is not the product of a hateful and violent experience but instead the product of love, beauty, and comfort given to her by her father and me. Sorry for the boring ending, but it's my life... so I'm not actually sorry as I'm over any type of drama, but thank you to those who cared and reached out. May none of you reading this ever feel this betrayal, hurt, or destruction ♡ ***Marked the flair as concluded as OOP has ended her friendship with R, arrived home in Japan, and talked with her daughter about what happened.*** **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITAH for not allowing my daughter to attend my BFFs wedding to her biological father?

CONCLUDED

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16ftll5/aitah_for_not_allowing_my_daughter_to_attend_my/

16fztoc

**I am not the original poster. Original post by** u/aitaweddingdresscu **in** r/AmItheAsshole. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* mood spoilers: >!anger, jealousy, embarrassment, reconciliation!< --- &nbsp; ###[**Am I the asshole for cutting up and altering my wedding dress into a functional dress instead of giving it to my sister who can't afford it?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/erfvwt/aita_for_cutting_up_and_altering_my_wedding_dress/) *Mon, Jan 20, 2020* I need an unbiased opinion on this because I don't know if i was the asshole. Throwaway because I am active in other communities and I don't want this to mix. So I was supposed to get married 2 months ago to my ex partner of 5 years. Sadly we broke it off because he cheated on me on his bachelor party with a striper. I had this beautiful dress that cost me arround 2k dollars (out of my pocket). I had been very depressed since everything happened because I felt it was somehow my fault for not being sexy enough or not giving him what he wanted. So last weekend I decided to "take my power back" and I began altering the dress. I have been sewing for 15 plus years so I know what I am doing. I cut it a bit, changed the color to something less wedding-y and after a week of work I had a beautiful gown that I could use for more stuff. The problem comes now. I uploaded that picture of the dress to Instagram with a caption that said something along the lines of " you can change the worst memories" or some shit like that. My sister hits me up and asks me if that was my old wedding dress and I told her yes. She then called me and asked me why I had done this. I asked her why it was such a big deal. And she told me that I could have waited till after he wedding. I was so confused. Then she reminded me that when we were staying at the hotel where my wedding was supposed to happen my mom and sister where there cheering me up and my sister said something along the lines of "oh well if you are not using it i will". We all laughed so I thought it was a joke because it was never brought up again after. She just asked me once what material it was so I assumed she wanted something similar. Now my sister is mad at me and my mom says she understands our povs. But that I could have waited 5 more months till after her wedding to "take my power back" AITA? &nbsp; ####EDIT Yes he fucked the stripper please stop asking me ####EDIT 2 What the fuck is wrong with some of you. Suddenly I am the asshole for leaving my ex for cheating on me because it doesn't count because it was his bachelor party? Do you know how relationships work. Are you also going to tell me that if he cheated on a Saturday it wouldn't count? Or if he left the country? This is hilarious coming from a sub that says cheaters are the worst people In this world. Cheating is cheating period. &nbsp; ###[**UPDATE Am I the asshole for cutting up and altering my wedding dress into a functional dress instead of giving it to my sister who can't afford it?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/hbq2g3/update_am_i_the_asshole_for_cutting_up_and/) *Fri, Jun 19, 2020* I posted approximately 5 months ago about my sister being mad at me for not giving her, what was supposed to be, my wedding dress. So after being assured that I did nothing wrong I decided to try to talk it out with my sister. So I tried calling her but she had blocked my number. I was very confused and talked to my mother. She was trying to still stay out of it and I got a little mad and said that it was not fair. That my sister was not right because she never formally asked me and how was I supposed to just guess that she wanted it. She tried to justify her but in the end also accepted that my sister was wrong. Nonetheless she told me to just give her space and that she will just come to terms with it herself. I waited a few days till I met her in the supermarket. At first she tried to act like she didn't see me but I planted myself infront of her. She was just rolling her eyes saying she had places to be. And I just said "you know I hope you notice how unfair you are treating me" and then left her alone. That night I received a call where I was berated for being selfish for about 20 minutes by her. I asked her if she was done and asked her if we could talk it out like adults. She came over the next night and we had an exhausting fight. Screaming crying and after all was said and done she actually apologized for everything. She was kind of jealous of my dress and of the wedding I almost had. And she was embarrassed that she couldn't afford everything I could and that she felt like she failed as an adult and as a mother. And honestly I get it. Not because I think she is a failure, but because I get how it feels if your brain tells you you failed at life because you don't have things that other people have. She apologized also because she was trying to blame me for her problems and that everything was easier if she wasn't the one to blame. We talked a lot more time till I told her that she didn't need a fancy dress and that we could search something basic and I could help her to decorate it with something. She agreed and we actually did get to customize a very basic gown. As we didn't have much time it's not super fancy. Sadly due to the outbreak the wedding, that was supposed to happen this month, was canceled. They had a courthouse wedding where she wore one of my dresses and she is celebrating in August if it's possible. That's everything. So even if I was not an asshole and my sister seemed like a brat... She was dealing with some heavy feelings and I still love her. Thanks for the judgment and advice. &nbsp; ***NB:*** *This is a repost. Original BoRU [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/iq5aar/op_called_off_her_wedding_after_her_fiance/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)* **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

Am I the asshole for cutting up and altering my wedding dress into a functional dress instead of giving it to my sister who can't afford it?

REPOST

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16fztoc/am_i_the_asshole_for_cutting_up_and_altering_my/

16g0u3v

**I am not the original poster. Original post by** u/throwra-twin22 **in** r/sex. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!Infidelity!< mood spoilers: >!Surprise, confusion, discomfort, relief!< --- &nbsp; ###[**My girlfriend wants me to sleep with her twin sister**](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/n0rsiq/my23m_girlfriend22f_wants_me_to_sleep_with_her/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Thu, April 29, 2021* So I ((23M) am in this very bizzare situation right now. I've been dating this amazing girl ((22F)) for a little over 2 years and it's been an absolute blast. She's attractive, cheerful, kind, supportive. We have a great relationship. She also happens to have an identical twin and they are pretty close. They've been staying together here since they started university (they go to different universities though). They are a bit different personality-wise, but the twin is also a very kind girl and we get along pretty well. Naturally we all hang out together very often and I am pretty comfortable with both of them. I think of her twin as my own sister in a way. Anyway, the twin was dating this guy (30M) for almost a year. I never particularly liked him, I thought he was an arrogant prick, but I tolerated him when we all hung out together for drinks once in a while. Well, turns out I was correct. He was cheating on her with his ex and they eventually broke up (this was 6 months ago). Needless to say that the girl was devastated. She took it very hard. She became kinda depressed and her self esteem and self worth weren't doing that great. The fact that it was her first relationship didn't help either I guess. She started not wanting to go out that much. We tried to do our best to drag her out of course to see and meet new people and why not even hook up with someone. I even tried to set her up with one of my friends, who was single at the time and honestly a great guy overall, but no bueno. And it's not only us. Her own friends also tried to help her, but she just won't cooperate. She says she wants to meet nice guys, yet she is always bitchy and whiny about it, never liking anyone. She keeps comparing them to that prick. Simultaneously she keeps whining and saying she is not pretty enough and other crap like that, which is not even remotely true, but no matter how many times we tell her she just won't believe it. Now I know she is feeling pretty down about the whole thing and I understand that and don't hate her, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't find it annoying, because it started affecting our relationship. My gf always worries about her and tries to help her a little too much, they proceed to fight and then my gf takes it out on me. And we're not even at the good part yet. So yesterday my gf was staying at my place. We had sex and afterwards we were lying down talking. You know usual stuff. Until she says she wants to ask me for a big favor. I am like sure. Then proceeds to tell me she'd like me to have sex with her sister. At first like any sane man I thought that either she was joking or that I fell asleep and was dreaming I was starring in one of those porn movies with twins. Sadly she wasn't joking at all and I was wide awake. She probably realized I had a wtf look on my face and then proceeded to rationalize it. She told me that her twin already had a slight crush on me and at the moment I am probably the only guy she truly trusts. She said she thinks it will greatly improve her sister's self-esteem and mood. She told me she already talked about it with her twin and the twin was ok with it. She reassured me multiple times she won't get mad about it and she won't even be present, she could just stay at my place while I go to theirs and do the deed! It will only be one time and I could just pretend her sister was her she said. Hell I don't even have to take the whole thing seriously, I just need to have sex with her sister and then "hold her tightly" for a bit so that she feels wanted and desired and crap like that! She was practically begging me to bang her sister. Meanwhile I was standing there listening to her without being able to utter a word, that was how surprised I was. In the end I said I'll think about it for a bit and left it at that. I couldn't fucking sleep that night. That was yesterday. Today I am kinda avoiding my gf, we texted a bit and thank god she hasn't mentioned anything about it... yet. I am freaking out. Twin threesome jokes aside, I don't think this is normal. She was talking about it like it was nothing. The sex itself is probably not such a big deal for me, I mean they look almost exactly the same and I am pretty comfortable with her twin, but I think if I accept it can potentially ruin our relationship. She says she won't get mad, but I heavily doubt it, and I also heavily doubt it will help her sister, unless something suspicious is going on that I am not aware of. Also, I am fearing that if I have sex with the twin, not only things might get really awkward between the three of us, but the twin might later get jealous and start sabotaging our relationship. My gf was pretty serious about the whole thing though, she looked like she really wanting me to do it. I am having some really dark thoughts right now. Perhaps the twin is manipulating her and is taking advantage of my gf and me. Perhaps my gf is weirder than usual. I feel guilty having such thoughts for two girls I hold in high regard. Oh man I fucking have no clue what to do. I am thinking of suggesting that we get her to therapy to feel better or something. I've talked about this with two of my friends, but the fuckers just won't take the situation seriously. I am getting paranoid at this point, but I just don't want to ruin this nice thing I have with my gf, that's all. &nbsp; ###**UPDATE** *Added to original post* I read and skimmed through most of your comments guys. Anyway, here's a brief update. So I met with my girlfriend earlier today and it went pretty good I think. We met and talked (she brought it up). Turns out she was feeling like shit the whole time yesterday, deeply ashamed and terrified. She started crying saying she was regretting it all day yesterday and she now is 100% sure she doesn't want to share me with anyone, she doesn't even want to imagine me being inside another woman, and was terrified that if I said yes then she wouldn't be able to do anything to stop it since she suggested it. She mentioned that she is deeply sorry and is now afraid that I think she is not normal and I am going to leave her and stuff. I reassured her that I love her, I think she is perfectly normal and I am not intending to leave her or anything like that. Once things calmed down a bit, we talked about what prompted it. Apparently she and her sister talk an awfully fucking lot about sex and relationships and are very open about it, which in turn means they are talking about our relationship and me a lot. According to my gf, the sister has fantasized quite a few times about me, how I would look naked or when having sex, but my gf never thought anything of it since it wasn't particularly serious as in I'll steal your bf (and to be fair throughout the relationship I never once got the impression that the sister was hitting on me at any point or doing something looking to escalate things). My gf admitted she was actually flattered her sister found me attractive and desirable. Things got more intense this last month though and the sister was way more vocal about it. My gf eventually started entertaining the idea of me getting intimate with her sister. Not in a "it's hot" kind of way but more of a "wanting to share something I greatly treasure" kind of way as per her words. They talked about it and the sister was very on board with it. That's pretty much it. We are both meeting the sister in the evening to clear things up, hopefully things go back to the way they were, I mean it's not like anything bad has actually happened. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

My girlfriend wants me to sleep with her twin sister

INCONCLUSIVE

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16g0u3v/my_girlfriend_wants_me_to_sleep_with_her_twin/

16gczj3

I am NOT OP. Original post from r/AmItheAsshole by u/JacobXRIA . Original Title: AITA for telling my brother it is not my fault his parrot likes me more than him? Original and Update in the same post: [\[ here \]](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16ajunn/aita_for_telling_my_brother_it_is_not_my_fault/) Mood spoiler: >!happy!< Potential trigger warning: >!animal neglect!< &#x200B; (Sept 4, 2023) My brother has an African Grey. He’s asked me to take care of her for one month while he and my SIL went on their honeymoon. When he dropped her off, I asked ‘Where are her toys?’ He said ‘I never bought any toys for her. Waste of money.’ I thought that the bird might be bored so I bought her some toys from a pet shop. They might be the reason she started allowing me to pet her or it might be something else that made us grow closer during that time. When my brother came back and saw how cuddly she got with me, he got upset since she’s not that affectionate with him and said that I ‘bribed her with toys’ to make her like me more than him. I told him that if it’s the toys then it’s not my fault he didn’t get her any, which upset him further. Only realized I was kinda mean with that jab afterwards. Am I the asshole? Verdict: NTA (Not the A-hole) &#x200B; UPDATE: (same day) I talked to my brother and showed him the comments here and a few articles outlining how African Greys need a lot of stimulation to be healthy. He was surprised to find out that his pet might start plucking out her own feathers and harming herself out of boredom and depression. Admitted that he wasn’t ready to deal with high maintenance bird, before saying I can keep her. So I have a bird now!

AITA for telling my brother it is not my fault his parrot likes me more than him?

CONCLUDED

corniku

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16gczj3/aita_for_telling_my_brother_it_is_not_my_fault/

16gh2wi

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/ExIsADipshit](https://www.reddit.com/user/ExIsADipshit/) and her other account, [u/ExIsADipshit2](https://www.reddit.com/user/ExIsADipshit2/). She posted in r/AITAH **Trigger Warnings:** >!child abuse/neglect; threatening behavior; !< **Mood Spoiler:** >!Happy ending!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1678sfx/aita_for_defending_my_husband_after_my_exhusband/)**: September 1, 2023** I (38F) have a 9 year old son Max and 6 year old daughter Olivia with my ex-husband Dan (35M). Max has severe Autism and requires a lot of care. I remarried 3 years ago and my husband (Luke) is incredible. My ex (Dan, 35M) has them 6 hours every week. This week this was on Tuesday and as I was away for a funeral, Dan took the day off work to be with them in the morning and evening. Ex and his girlfriend (Sophie) picked them up as planned at 11AM. My husband took this time play a round of golf with my brother. They finished the game at 4pm, and the golf is 30 minutes from our house. I got a call at 5pm exactly from Sophie SCREAMING at me about me abandoning my kids. I was confused, and eventually realised Luke wasn't home yet, so I told her where the spare key is so they could wait for Luke to come home inside. Unfortunately, Luke's car had gone kaboom on the motorway and he was in a complete coverage dead-zone. He was able to call emergency services, but nothing else would connect. When the Police arrived, the first thing he did was ask if someone could contact Dan to tell him what happened. Sophie was already on the phone to the Police to report me and my husband for "child abandonment". They said one of us should have been there and my ex doesn't feel safe inside our home (?), so they've left the kids inside our home and that the Police needed to go and "save" our kids and arrest us. The Police person speaking to them told them multiple times to turn around and that they were the ones who had abandoned them. This whole time I'm getting messages from Dan saying how this was unfair on him and Sophie and that I'm a terrible parent for leaving them with "someone who doesn't give a shit about our kids". At this point I didn't actually know what was going on, all I knew is that Luke wasn't home but Dan had found the spare key. At no point did he tell me that they've left the kids alone. Luke got hold of me via the Police and I arranged for a friend to go round there as soon as she could, but the Police already had a unit there after the call with Sophie. After this, I've decided to get try and get his 6 hours a week taken away. I've given him so much leeway over the years and this was my limit. Our son is dependent on an adult and our daughter is 6, and the only thing he would say to defend himself is "well I kept up my side of the agreement by bringing them back after 6 hours." This has caused a whole other shitstorm, to the point where Sophie sent me messages that the Police are now investigating. Dan hinted he is going to try and get the kids taken into care because of my husband "abandoning" then. I had multiple people ask me why I'm staying with someone who abandoned my children. His parents have threatened to try and gain custody of the children, saying the children need a stable family unit, and calling my husband abusive. I said "fuck this" and put the whole story, with evidence, on my private Facebook page and people quickly understood. But now I'm being branded a drama queen and an asshole for publicly blasting the father of my children, putting my husband above my kids. I don't understand how, he's more of a father to them then Dan is! I feel like I've taken crazy pills, AITA? ***Relevant Comments:*** *Did you mean the police investigating you or Sophie?* "I worded it badly in the post, Sophie sent me messages, and the Police are now investigating those messages. Said some horrendous stuff about my kids and even worse stuff about me. Hopefully enough for me to prevent her from ever being near by kids again." *More info on police involvement:* "I won't speak too much on the Police involvement, but I will say they won't be investigating them being left alone. That's being handled by a more appropriate service. I made the report about the texts she sent and they are treating is as an ongoing pattern of behaviour rather than a one time event? I'm not entirely sure what they meant by that, but I think they'll consider other stuff that has happened and lump it all together? I am speaking to an Officer on Monday." *In response to someone saying you shouldn't eliminate their father from their life:* >I don’t think removing your kids from him 100% is good for your kids. We're going to have to politely disagree here. He left them alone in a house and refused to go back even after the Police told him he had to because they weren't his responsibility beyond that time. If that's not evidence that they're safer without him, I don't know what is. He chose this path, not me. >They don’t get to choose who their father is. You're almost correct, they don't get to choose who their biological father is. *Heavily downvoted comment, but OOP's response gives more info:* >I’d urge you to hold off on your decision until some time has passed. You want your decision to be well-thought and not reactionary, after all. It's been 3 days. Assigning my very rightful anger about my severely autistic child and his 6 year old sister being abandoned to being "upset" is demeaning and dismissive. How many times is an appropriate number of genuine child endangerment before taking action is appropriate in your world? This wasn't a mistake, this wasn't something he regrets. He still thinks he did nothing wrong. Also, the fact you're just assuming I'm making a "reactionary" decision and "jumping to no contact" on something as serious as the contact my children have with their father? Patronising as fuck. As for any other behaviour in the past, he has 6 hours a week for a reason. I won't be going into our history as it's not required here. *I can't believe they called the police to tattle on themselves:* "I don't believe this part of the story, it's why it's not in the post, but Luke swears it's true. I think he's exaggerating it slightly. After he asked the Police officer to get someone to contact Dan, they came back and told him about the call from Sophie (based on the address given) and how someone at HQ was trying to tell them to go back to the kids, and said "I've dealt with some real bright sparks in my time, but that's a unique kind of dumb."" *Did your ex mean he was going to try to take the kids, or that they'd go to foster care?* "He recently moved into Sophie's place and I remember hearing something about a cold day in hell before she let's them sleep there overnight. For all his (many) faults, he's self aware enough to know he can't look after them. He meant taken into foster care, his parents meant into their care." *Block Sophie:* "She's muted. Police said I could block her but they're looking into her actions being harrasment, so ongoing messages is very helpful to that." *What did Sophie say in the messages?* "About me, she said I was a shit parent, accused me of neglect, said my car might have an accident, threatened to fight me, accused me of cheating on my ex with Luke, despite him living on a different continent at the time... Just unhinged shit. I've had stuff from her in the past but never to this level. I won't go into what she said about my kids." ***There is no judgement bot, but most of the comments say NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16b3psa/update_aita_for_defending_my_husband_after_my/)**: September 5, 2023 (4 days later)** I immediately forgot the password to the account I posted this on, but I am the OP. I hope that's ok Mods. [https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1678sfx/aita\_for\_defending\_my\_husband\_after\_my\_exhusband/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1678sfx/aita_for_defending_my_husband_after_my_exhusband/) That happened a week ago, post was made a few days after it happened. The post I made on social media had kicked up quite the fuss, but most things have been sorted. For now. And my post is still up telling people what happened. My brother (Pete) was friends with my ex-husband before we ever got together. He also never really got involved in our relationship, or separation. He's never really been involved in my life beyond being a good uncle. He's a nice guy, but we have never been that close, he's always been closer to my ex, and now with my husband. When he found out what happened, that completely changed and he put himself right in the middle of it all. My brother was always the "beta" in his friendship with Dan, I always suspected he was scared of him. Well not anymore. He called Dan and ordered him to meet him at Dan's parents (who he knows quite well). Dan was "advised" that bringing Sophie to this meeting wouldn't end well for him. I don't know exactly what was said, but the result of their conversation is that Dan's parents are going no contact with him. I don't like them, they've never liked me, but I've never doubted they loved my kids and would protect them with their lives. Pete did tell me that Dan made it clear he wouldn't break up with Sophie under any circumstances, even if it meant he wouldn't be able to see his kids. Pete explained what happened to my ex-in-laws, that the version of events I posted was true, and went through the timeline/proof. Dan argued and bitched and moaned until his Dad told him to leave. I think the fact that my brother, who is known for caring about beer, women and sports and nothing else, took this so seriously got the grandparents to wake up. I spoke to them and although their apology was barely worth hearing, we came to an understanding. I'm not going to allow any visits/contact between Dan/Sophie and my children going forward. Our agreement was informal, no courts orders or anything. If he wants to see them, he will have to fight for it, which I know he wont. Those 6 hours a week are now going to be with his parents, on the condition that if they allow Dan to be around the kids, even once, they will be cut off from our lives. They were fine with this. Today came and they picked the kids up and spent the day with them. They called me after 5 hours and asked if they could bring them back an hour later than planned. They were having a lot of fun painting and the kids wanted to finish what they were doing. No problem, thanks for checking. I cannot stress enough how much I dislike them, but knowing my kids are with people who **want to be with them** is such a good feeling. Dan didn't even text me asking if he was going to have his scheduled time today. I spoke to a Police Officer yesterday about the messages sent to me by Sophie. I'm going to gloss over some details, for reasons, but they are moving forward with an investigation. There's a continued pattern of behaviour, and it has been escalating. She's made some very specific threats and over the weekend sent me a message that contained information she would only know if she had followed me to where I was at the time. Luke has set up external cameras on our house, including making sure our cars are covered by cameras at all times. Our neighbours know what happened last week, so they're going to keep a lookout for her as well. I feel awful that I let this person be around my kids for almost a year, I let her be around them but didn't know her well enough to spot she was capable of behaviour like this. I spoke to Olivia to ask what she thought of Sophie and she said she was grumpy and not fun, but nothing to indicate she hurt them or anything. This reaction to the whole situation is just unhinged. Luke has been a star through this. He's resisted the very strong urge to find Dan and beat him with a Golf club ("He's not worth replacing a driver") and made sure the kids know he loves spending time with them. Olivia calls him Daddy anyway, but she knew she was abandoned last week and he's shown her that he's here for her. He's always loved Max and been amazing with him, but I know he's found it difficult to connect. He asked for advice and I told him just to try things he enjoys and see if Max engages. Well... Max spent 5 hours on Sunday with a golf putter in his hand hitting a ball to the putting machine thing Luke has in the garage, and apparantly he's a natural. Luke now has it outside as Max became "automatic" in the garage and needed a "bigger green". So... I'm now reevaluating my life. Living with one Golf obsessive was barely managable, two may be more than I can endure. I'm currently typing this looking at Olivia's painting of a birthday cake. Deranged threats aside, I'm happy with how things are right now. ***Relevant Comments:*** *More on investigation:* "The Police are actively investigating and taking steps regarding Sophie. They have more than enough information to move forward, just a matter of going through the processes now. I don't know how the system works but I believe there will be an arrest soon. And no, they aren't charging with child abandonment, but that issue is being looked at along with the bullshit with Sophie. I don't know what the plan is from the Police beyond they have all the information. They're just focusing on the immediacy of her threats rather than what happened last week." **Edit- OOP commented on this post and addressed a question about the police efficiency:** "All they’d done when I posted the update was come and see me to take full statement and copy of everything that was sent. Not quite sure where the unbelievable efficiency is in my posts?"

AITA for defending my husband after my ex-husband abandoned our children?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16gh2wi/aita_for_defending_my_husband_after_my_exhusband/

16gh3bm

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/sicklampbro](https://www.reddit.com/user/sicklampbro/). They posted in r/antiwork **Mood Spoiler:** >!honestly super weird!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/antiwork/comments/16a0o47/my_boss_wants_us_to_sign_a_noncompete_agreement/)**: September 4, 2023** I work at a retail/piercing shop for $12 an hour. She gave it to us Saturday, and wants us to sign it tomorrow in front of a notary or it’s our jobs. We are in America, so everything is closed today for Labor Day. There are rumors she is being investigated for tax fraud (an old coworker has been trying to get unemployment and failed because there the state has no record of them being paid). Obviously we aren’t signing it. The entire document is 11 pages long and there is a whole lot in here that seems sketchy, but these are the parts that stand out to me as the worst: * The Employee agrees that during the Employment and for a period of two (2) years after the end of that term, the Employee will not give advice or lend credit, money, or the Employee’s reputation to any natural person or business entity engaged in a competing business in any geographic area in which the Employer conducts its business, and the Employee will not, directly or indirectly, as employee, owner, sole proprietor, director, member, consultant, agent, founder, co-founder or otherwise, solely or jointly with others, engage in any business that is in competition with the business of the Employer within the following geographic areas: (Town) and surrounding counties. * The Employee waved any moral rights that the Employee may have with respect to the Confidential Information. * In the event that the Employee is required in a civil, criminal or regulatory proceeding to disclose any part of the Confidential Information, the Employee will give to the Employer prompt written notice of such request so that the Employer may seek an appropriate remedy or alternatively to waive the Employee’s complied with the provisions of this Agreement in regard to the request. * The clauses, paragraphs, and sub paragraphs contained in this Agreement are intended to be read and construed independently of each other. If any part of this Agreement is held to be invalid, this invalidity will not affect the operation of any other part of this agreement. I posted on the legal subreddit to ask for legal opinions, but wanted to both share the audacity and I guess ask for other opinions. If this is illegal I want to bring her down so she can’t treat other people like this in the future. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Let them fire you and collect unemployment:* "The only issue with that is that old coworkers have been trying to get unemployment from here for weeks and months but the state has no record of us being paid, apparently, so it’s been a very difficult process…." *A job that pays $12 an hour is not worth signing a non-compete agreement (from legal sub)* "Absolutely not, especially the more I learn the more I’m planning on quitting. I just don’t want to leave this as it is in case she does talk people into signing it either now or down the road." *Licensed or apprenticed?* "I’m licensed, but currently in my apprenticeship." *Location:* "Said it on the legal subreddit, sorry - we are in Kentucky." *Wtf is wrong with your boss (from both posts)* "I could write a whole separate post on how she treats us lol. One time she got mad at how a display was set up an hour before closing so she destroyed it and left." "We ask ourselves the same thing. She was out of state and uninvolved until a few months ago, and every since she came back it’s been a shitshow. I’d have quit then if it wasn’t for a bunch of other life factors." *What do you think happened that she wants everyone to sign this? (from legal sub)* "Honestly, I have no idea. Since posting this I’ve found out from an old coworker that the state has no record of her being paid for the 2 years she was here, and the IRS has opened 3 cases against her. I think she’s trying to cover her ass legally so we can’t say anything but I’m really not sure?" **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/antiwork/comments/16aybgg/update_my_boss_wants_us_to_sign_a_noncompete/)**: September 5, 2023 (Next Day)** The TLDR is that our boss gave us a ridiculous 11 page non-compete agreement and told us we had to sign it Tuesday or we were fired. One of the piercers, "Allie", came in yesterday and turned in her key and then blocked our boss. Our boss just told us that this was all a ploy just to get Allie to quit. We didn't have to sign this. The two hour meeting culminating in her giving us this document was a waste of time. It was all literally just to get one person to quit, because she wanted to fire her but didn't want to pay unemployment. This caused so much stress and strife at our store. People were having panic attacks over possibly losing the job they'd work at 1+ years because they didn't want to sign a ridiculous paper. I know of at least two other people who actively started to look for more jobs. I feel like I'm in shock. Making us sign was horrible but tricking us into thinking we had to sign it, just to get rid of one person? That's so evil? What the hell? I guess my job isn't in jeopardy now but I'm still looking for a new one. How the hell can I work for someone that would do this to someone who worked here for over two years? ***Relevant Comments:*** *Was it actually to get rid of one person, or did she say that to avoid losing more people?* "I wouldn’t be surprised if it was to get rid of this one person, because she really didn’t like her. She’s losing people anyway though, this is so fucked." *Did you let Allie know? She deserves to know so she can get compensated.* "We only just found out, I don’t have her contact information but we’re trying to get it to her as soon as we can. She will definitely be backed up, she was a good coworker and friend." *Everyone should report this:* "Oh for sure. We’re looking into reporting it now." *More on boss:* "Oh, yeah. I have no idea. She is weirdly paranoid and kept repeating “to protect my business”, but no one is out to get her. Business is slower but that’s because there’s now a piercing shop on every other corner, instead of only two in town - and things are more expensive. People don’t have $70 to drop on a belly button piercing." &#x200B;

My boss wants us to sign a non-compete agreement that is (probably) illegal, or it’s our jobs.

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16gh3bm/my_boss_wants_us_to_sign_a_noncompete_agreement/

16gh7s5

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/sotb1234 **I (24F) found out that my husband (35M) made a disgusting bet with his friends when he met me and now I can't see him the same way** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice & r/AmItheAsshole **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Emotional manipulation, emotional deception!< [Original post](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/CzShNpdaK9) Dec 7, 2022** He (35M) is friends with my (24F) stepbrother (36M) since they were in college, and to be honest they were always respectful to me and I NEVER knew they were bad enough to do what they did to me, I thought they respected me for being their friend's younger sister, but I was wrong. To put you in context, their group of friends dissolved when they grew up and followed different paths, and a few days ago they decided to meet again. Well, that meeting was held at my house and at one point during dinner one of his friends started saying things like he (my husband) was very lucky that our thing worked out, and when he said that some laughed and my stepbrother and my husband got very nervous so I asked what he was talking about, and when my husband tried to shut him up I knew something was wrong so I asked the same thing again. He told me that when my stepbrother introduced us he told them that I was really arrogant and a loser and that I needed someone to "teach me a lesson". And I admit, I was very arrogant, I used to be annoying because I thought that no one was smarter than me and that they were all idiots. Well, they (except my stepbrother) decided to bet to see who would get to sleep with me first, evidently it was my husband and we've been together ever since (this happened six years ago) And I would feel less hurt if he had always been an asshole because it would be my fault for falling in love with someone like that, but he was always SO sweet and cute to me since we started talking that I would never have thought that he was making fun of me behind my back. When his friend said that everyone shut up because my face said it all, I got so pissed off that I just laughed and went to our room. My husband followed me and began to swear to me that he is no longer like that, that he loves me and that he regrets what an asshole he was before he met me, and even though we talked a lot and I tried to forgive him I can't look at him the same way. This morning he went with me to my appointment with the doctor because I am pregnant and when he cried when he saw our baby, I was disgusted, because I don't know if he is being sincere or not. I don't know when I'll trust him again but I want to do it but I can't, does that even make sense? Could things go back to the way they were before this mess? [AITA for forcing my husband to celebrate his birthday only with me because I don't like his family?](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/opMk5etfC9)  Jan 15, 2023** edit: A few weeks ago I found out about a horrible bet that he made with his friends about me before we started dating and it was not easy to forgive him so I told him that I would forgive him if he didn't invite his family, that's why I said I "forced" him in the title The thing is, my (24F) husband (36M) comes from a family that really doesn't know what boundaries are. Ever since they found out I'm pregnant they tell me what to eat, what to wear, how to act etc and I can't stand them anymore, I tried a thousand times to like them but I can't they are really overwhelming. I am about to give birth and I just want peace and I know that with them that is impossible, so I asked my husband to go to a restaurant to celebrate his birthday because I wanted to be at peace at home. He refused because he said he wanted to stay with me so I told him not to invite his family then because they get on my nerves. And at first he didn't like the idea so much because he never celebrated a birthday party without his family but then he accepted. So we celebrated just the two of us at our house, and of course his family got mad at us, especially me because they know it was me who didn't want them to come. But I don't regret the decision I made because it's the first time in six years that I've dared to face them and tell them not to do something I don't like. So AITA? **VERDICT: REMOVED BEFORE VERDICT RENDERED** [Update](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/ZDCps3MkC0) **Sept 5, 2023** On my first post I (24F) got a lot of nice comments and even messages so I thought it would be a good idea to post an update. After I found out about the bet we had so many fights that we thought it was the end of our marriage and decided to start couples therapy hoping for the best and thanks to that we were able to move on. He (36M) apologized many times and we had many long talks on this matter but today I can say that everything is in the past. Today we have a beautiful seven month old baby girl and I am five months pregnant and to be honest I have never been happier. Of course there are days where I think about what he did but then I think about the present and what he is today and I forget about everything because the truth is that he is another person now, well, he was never really mean to me because from the moment we started talking he was always caring and sweet, only now I know that everything is genuine and he's not faking it, although according to him he never faked anything bcause he liked me a lot when he knew me intimately. I don't think our marriage is perfect because from time to time we have fights but for that reason we are still working on our relationship. Because we love each other and we want this to work and we want to grow old together, so that's all there isn't much more to say. Thank you for your kind comments and messages. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I (24F) found out that my husband (35M) made a disgusting bet with his friends when he met me and now I can't see him the same way

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16gh7s5/i_24f_found_out_that_my_husband_35m_made_a/

16guypq

**I am not the original poster. Original post in** r/EntitledPeople. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* mood spoilers: >!Frustration, Conflict and Communication Issues!< --- &nbsp; ###[**Entitled coworker tries to schedule meetings outside of contract time and criticizes my non-work plans**](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/nsvs16/entitled_coworker_tries_to_schedule_meetings/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Sat, Jun 05, 2021* I have a coworker who is really disorganized and waits until the last minute to schedule things and so that frequently means calling a meeting at 4:00 on a Friday. For reference, my 8 hour workday ends at 3:00, so these meetings make for 10 hour + days, and because the coworker is so disorganized and unprepared, we frequently have to cover things that they should have done ahead of time, like creating an agenda or desired outcome, at the actual meeting. Because these are required meetings (usually only once or twice a month), I have to go to them no matter when they’re scheduled, and get extended pay for working overtime, but my co-worker is supposed to give at least a week’s notice, and I’d definitely rather have the free time than the money. Typically if I don’t hear by Thursday afternoon that they have scheduled the meeting for 4:00 on a Friday, I make other weekend plans, like hiking or bicycling or going out somewhere. Yesterday (Friday) the co-worker attempted to schedule the meeting at 4:45, but didn’t put it on my calendar until 3:05. I should have been off by then but I had an end of day meeting that went over by a few minutes so I was doing a last check of email and then shutting things down for the weekend. I saw the meeting request and responded that that wasn’t enough notice for a meeting that far outside the workday, and that I normally would not have even seen the notice until the following Monday, and cc’ed my boss just so they knew I wasn’t trying to shirk any duties. Of course co-worker is upset because they’re required to hold the meeting by law and it’s the absolute last day to do it without filing an extension (which they’ve been told by my boss they’re not allowed to do unless there’s extenuating circumstances) and they’ve known about it for 2 months, they just didn’t plan for it. My boss calls at 3:10 saying can you please do this now and end at 4:10 and we will address it on Monday, fine. I was planning on leaving town but I can leave a little bit later. Coworker responds to my boss by email and says they’re using personal time between 3:10 and 4:45 so they can’t hold the meeting until then, and that nothing I’m doing could possibly be important enough that I can’t attend the meeting at 4:45. Boss calls coworker, coworker confessed that their child’s birthday party is at 6 that evening and that they have to go try to find a cake and party supplies for the party before the meeting, which is why they can’t be available. Boss gets annoyed and says that we (boss and I) will do the meeting now and coworker will have to answer for it on Monday. Boss and I hold meeting, it takes 20 minutes, I’m out of there by 3:45. Coworker sends me a nastygram by text at 10:15 pm saying it’s my fault they’re in trouble and that they have a child so I should understand that people with children come first, and that my activities/hobbies are pathetic and it wouldn’t have been that hard for me to just attend the meeting they scheduled and that they’ll have to go back and fix everything my boss and I did incorrectly because they like to do it a specific way (my boss had already submitted it). I responded that I hope they enjoyed their child’s birthday party and to have a good weekend. They respond that they forgot to invite people so no one came, and thanks for rubbing that in their face. **TL;DR:** Coworker plans last minute meeting outside the workday, gets mad when I can’t attend, boss and i have to do meeting for them. Coworker gets mad they got in trouble and insults my personal life. &nbsp; ###[**UPDATE: Entitled coworker tries to schedule meetings outside of contract time then criticizes my non-work plans**](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/nv3nsb/update_entitled_coworker_tries_to_schedule/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Tue, Jun 08, 2021* I had a meeting yesterday with my boss regarding the meeting that boss and I had to do for coworker, and the rude text messages sent by co-worker. My boss will be sharing extensive documentation with HR, including their own notes, and I have been asked to pull all of my calendared meetings from the last 6 months and send them to HR. I already had screenshotted them because I had to submit extended hours. Glad I did because coworker tried to delete them/uninvited me from them when they caught wind that it was an issue of contention. My boss couldn’t go into details obviously about their course of action with the coworker but I do know their meeting with HR isn’t until Thursday and their meeting with my boss was after mine yesterday, which was after my work day but not theirs. Another coworker sent me a text saying that coworker came out of the meeting with red puffy eyes that looked like they had been crying but otherwise nothing juicy to report. As for next steps, the one course of action I do know is that coworker will be required to provide a written apology by Friday of this week, and it will get added to their personnel file. If my company follows their usual process, which my boss hinted at on Friday, coworker will basically be given the opportunity to resign from their current job and resume their old job, OR they can be administratively removed from their current job and be placed in their old job (their current job is an unfilled vacancy) to take place August 1, but in the meantime they will no longer be in charge of the project I have had to work with them on and our grant department will do it instead. I have not heard from co-worker for the apology, but am expecting something vague and half-assed, probably by email at 11:59 on Friday, or what I expect is even more likely, they will put it off and claim they need the accommodation to not have to do it and drag it out with HR. &nbsp; **UPDATE: Apology Received!** ***Added to original post*** *Sorry for projecting my stress onto you, you didn’t deserve to get lashed out at. It’s been a rough year with the divorce and getting used to a new job. I am stepping down in August to take care of me and [child name] for awhile. I’m sure that gossip is already spreading like wildfire. Thanks for putting up with me.* *-coworker* &nbsp; **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

Entitled coworker tries to schedule meetings outside of contract time and criticizes my non-work plans

CONCLUDED

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16guypq/entitled_coworker_tries_to_schedule_meetings/

16hcruq

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/CardamomChaii **BF (32M) did not celebrate my (33F) birthday this year + no gift/gestures. His bday is coming up. What do I do?** **Previous** [BoRU](https://reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/sYygb17GHe) **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Emotional manipulation and Emotional abuse!< [My (33F) Boyfriend (32M) of 4.5 yrs seems not to care about my pleasure when intimate](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15lwcnr/my_33f_boyfriend_32m_of_45_yrs_seems_not_to_care/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 8, 2023** My boyfriend (32M) and I (33F) have been together for 4.5 years. He has been my only intimate partner and he was the person I thought I was going to marry, but, things have been rocky lately. We're trying to work through those issues, but there is one issue that I don't know if I can work through, and that has to do with intimacy. Ever since we were first intimate, he does not seem to prioritize my pleasure during the act. For the first little while, it was a lot of exploration and thought that maybe he'd need time to discover what works for me. But I noticed that there were no attempts being made. I then decided to have a conversation with him about it, where he seemed to understand and agree that it was important that we both enjoy the act. The next time the situation presented itself, he did not attempt again. I had the conversation about it with him again and he apologized and said he would try again. This continued to happen, and I continued to stay and wait. In the 4.5 years we were together, we have been intimate for 4 years and I can count, on one hand, the times he has tried, but, given up. I first thought it was me and that I was the problem. So I went to therapy and spoke to a therapist about this. She asked me if I have been able to in the past, and I told her I have. She asked me if I communicate with my partner about what works for me and what does not before the act and during, and I have too. She told me that I am not the problem and it seems that my partner is just not interested in equality in that realm of the relationship and that it likely extends beyond that too. I thought, maybe just some one on one time away would help, so I have booked countless air BnBs for us, cottage get aways, city staycations...you name it. But nothing has been enough for him to prioritize me in that sense. I had a final conversation about this and he promised that from then on, that would be his priority. A few days ago he had 2 opportunities but he did not try. Today, he called me saying that he would like to dedicate some time to just making sure that I was pleasured, this week. I told him that I decided that I don't want to be intimate with him any longer. And then he proceeded to fight with me on the phone. I politely told him I was not interested in fighting and I hung up. Are there male partners out there like this? Have I exhausted everything? Am I being just plain stupid? tl;dr: Male partner is not prioritizing female partner's pleasure, 4.5 years in, after countless conversations. What to do? [My Boyfriend's (33M) birthday is coming up: watch suggestions under or around $500 CAD?](https://www.reddit.com/r/Watches/comments/15rfhb1/my_boyfriends_33m_birthday_is_coming_up_watch/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 15, 2023** [BF (32M) did not celebrate my (33F) birthday this year + no gift/gestures. His bday is coming up. What do I do?](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15t3vvk/bf_32m_did_not_celebrate_my_33f_birthday_this/) **Aug 16, 2023** BF (32M) and I (33F) got into a big argument a few days before my birthday (about a month ago) and he did not do anything to celebrate my birthday. It's been a month since my birthday and while the argument was resolved, he did not offer to do anything to celebrate my birthday, or get me a present during this time. His birthday is coming up this weekend and I always go above and beyond for his birthdays each year. Given he did not celebrate mine, how should I approach this? TL;DR: BF did not celebrate my bday, and his bday is coming up. What do I do? [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15v2r7j/first_update_on_bf_32m_did_not_celebrate_my_33f/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2) **Aug 18, 2023** **Firstly and most importantly, thank you everyone for the love and advice on the original post. I've taken most of it to heart and I will do better by myself and you!** BF (32M) called just now (after not having spoken or reached out in about 48 hours. Also it's his birthday this weekend), and he told me (GF; 33F), in a very somber voice, that he missed me so very much and that he was incredibly sad that we hadn't spoken in a couple days. I could hear he was driving and I was on his car's bluetooth. I asked him where he was headed to, and, without pause, he told me that he was on his way to a last-minute party invite at his friend's house, which is about 1.5 hours away. But he quickly followed up with, "it's just a distraction because I miss you and love you so much." I asked him, if he was "truly missing me" and "wanted to work things out," (as he said on the phone) and had an evening free, how is it that he didn't consider reaching out to spend some time together to discuss things? It's not like we had discussed not seeing each other. The last time we spoke, I asked him why things that were important to me were not to him and he was silent, and I didn't hear from him again. _(Of note: I have enough respect for him that I decided if a break up was right, which is likely, I would have that conversation in person. But that has not happened in the 48 hours since we last spoke!)_ He had no response and then after a pause, he asked if I had some time tomorrow to sit down to talk instead, given he was looking forward to the party now. I started crying because it made me incredibly sad to realize this was all just a game to him. All talk. Completely disingenuous. No heart. **This is 4.5 years together. I was an idiot. But, what a guy.** TL;DR: Update to the post about birthday present for BF (32M) who did not celebrate GF (33F)'s bday. He called. His birthday is this weekend. He was missing me. He had an evening free. Accepted a last minute invite to a random party and was on the way there [Update 2](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/I56wsmw4AP) **Sept 6, 2023** At the risk of sounding like a broken record, firstly, thank you everyone for the love and advice on the original post and the update that I was kindly reminded/taught in the comments, was indeed not a real update (I've learned now!) :) Next, to those kind individuals who sent me inboxed messages of concern, who even reached out to reddit out of concern for me, to those who drew parallels to their own situations, past and present, thank you for opening up your wounds and sharing your wisdom with me. I realize that we may never meet in person, but I genuinely thank you. You're in my heart and I have so much love and respect for what you have persevered through and flourished despite. My hope is that this lengthy post will make amends for the "not-so-update update" that preceded. :) As suggested by most, a break up was necessary, and, it indeed it has now occurred, officially. However, I was not the one to do the breaking up, which is a bit of a turn of events. After my post, I had to travel for work/school (I am a PhD student), and it turned out to be very helpful for me to distance myself from him and his family. Where and when I thought back to his mom and sister crying about our breakup (and of course I felt for them in moments!) your thoughtful comments reassured me that his family's tears for our reconciliation were more tactic-based than genuine. I often travel for school. I'm a PhD student in STEM at an Ivy League, which, for better or worse due to the size and funding of the institute, entails many international conference presentations and the dissemination of research results. There have been likely over a dozen such events over the course of my degree, and I have asked him to come to every one, discussing how his support in person would mean so much to me. His responses were always, "Oh I'd love to. I'll try." When I was at the meeting destination and he still was "trying," I'd offer to send him a ticket. I'd send him screenshots of tickets available for him to purchase. I'd reassure him that all expenses were already paid for and he'd just have to worry about the flight expenses. But he never came. I brought up these scenarios this time I was away, and I asked him, genuinely, why nothing that was important to me, was of value to him. I realize this sounds hyperbolic, but I assure you, it breaks my heart to admit that it is not. He did not have an answer when I asked. His response was merely, "nothing I say matters. What do you want me to say? Sounds like you have made up your mind about me not caring." I was upset, I was disappointed, but above all else, I realized I deserved more. He went radio silent for the next couple of days and the next time I heard from him was 3:00am, a few days later when he called night before my presentations (that were scheduled in the morning) to "wish me luck." And I did not hear from him again. I flew back to our city a few days later and I called him the following day. We spoke, and he was clearly very congested. He told me he had not slept in days, and had to go into work but was feeling horrid. I quickly went and picked up a vaporizer for him, picked up his favourite foods from 2 restaurants and drove to his work, to drop off the items and see him. He hugged me and reminded me that we hadn't seen each other in 10 days. In the moment, I missed him. I loved him. I was stupid and I fell for it again. Fast forward 48 hours, and I messaged him saying it would be nice if we could spend some time together and talk about things. I let him know that while I enjoy spending time with his family (which was almost all of our significant recent in-person interactions) I felt it was important that we spend some one on one time with each other too. He responded with, "Ok. I'll plan." I then asked if he had some time to perhaps discuss some ideas together and, I'm not sure why, but he went off the rails and said that I need "everything to happen immediately" and for me to "give him some time" and that I was "being unreasonable." Something in me felt different, and so I pushed the topic and I stood up for myself. I called him out on his bluffs. I let him know that historically his "I'll plan" statements were dismissive in the sense that they would diffuse a situation but nothing would come of them. He said that I was lying. So then I reminded him of his many lies and inconsistencies in the relationship. I know I should have just stayed quiet -- the old me would have. But I couldn't take the beating. See, he would often make these grand promises and never follow through. "I'll buy you *insert designer brand* jacket!" ..."You should get the *insert designer brand* bracelet to go with your necklace! Let's go grab it one day." ..."That's your favourite car? *Insert fancy brand* I feel like you would look great in a black one. I'll buy it for you!" For context and background, I've worked very hard for what I have and I've been fortunate to not have to ask him to buy me anything. In the 4.5 years we were together, I have bought every item of clothing, jewelry, and material item otherwise, that I have wanted. Including the car I drive. Where he had paid for a dinner, I would make sure I paid for the next. If he refused to accept my paying at the restaurant, I would pay attention to things he mentioned he needs and I would pick those items up for him. I was never a financial burden because early on in the relationship, he told me his ex-GF of 5 years had been. He told me that he spent $40 000 on her apartment furniture and that she had his credit card for spending. He told me that she had another $20 000 of his for her "spending account" for when they went out together. I believed him...like all the other lies he told me, because why would someone lie about these situations and topics? See, I was not certain how hyperbolic and dishonest these scenarios were...these promises that he made me...until I tested them, last night. I said, "hey, I have an idea as to how you can make up my missed birthday! Remember that car, jacket and bracelet you always talked about? Let's go grab those, please." He paused. And he asked me 3 times if I was being serious. I told him I most certainly was. I sent him a link to the items. He said Ok. And I said that I had a stipulation. My current car was not financed. His current car is not financed. And so I wanted the car bought out. He said, "Nope. I'm not buying a $40 000 car in cash. Enjoy your *insert my car*. It's a beautiful car." (For reference, I drive a Japanese car that he has made snarky remarks about and he says "beautiful" sarcastically because he has commented on how ugly the colour is. Although it's a newer model and reliable, it's not "fancy." And I'm ok with that. I'm happy with it. I enjoy my car. In comparison, he drives a German car that is older and more "expensive" by nature of its branding. While my car is technically worth more than his...he always makes fun of my car and while I have asked that he stop, he tells me that I cannot take a joke.) I realize that there are some nuances here that likely point to his insecurities. After his sarcasm about my car, I really had enough. I said, "I guess the $40 000 you spent on *ex GF*'s apartment was financed too. Noted." And off the rails he went. His messages were as follows: "Wtf. Bro where the f\ck are you getting all this sh*t. Her apartment was given to her by her work. Wtf are you talking. I never ever said anything along those lines. Now you are making me mad. Please stop here. I never said anything like that. Curses come out coz now I'm f*ckin mad. How many f*ckin times I told you she borrowed money for furniture which she paid back slowly. N yes my money was with her which I did take back. There was no mention of any 40K. Wtf. There was nothing for 40K. Wtf. Read what I said above and keep reading until it stays in your goddam head. I did not lie about this and I am not going to repeat myself over n over. Thanks for the last 3 hours of fixing things. It was a fuckin' waste of time. Stfu. Yeah I lied but you can't be wrong right. Stfu. Here take a picture. I don't need your this kinda love. Keep it to yourself. N go make someone else insane. Go take someone else's sanity. N then you lecture about love n f*ckin care. Enjoy your night now. Mission accomplished."* I did not respond until earlier today when I messaged asking to meet. I then called asking about the same thing. He usually does not work late on Tuesdays and so I asked if we could meet and discuss things in person. He said, "You don't know my f*cking schedule. I'm at work until late today. I don't want to see you or speak to you in person." "Who the F*ck do you think you are?" (And that's when I hung up.) A few hours later, I called again and I asked him if he would like to meet after work. I don't mind waiting. He said no. I asked him if things were over then, and he said "when were we together? You wanted to leave didn't you? So here is me letting you leave. You were the one that walked away. You broke up a few weeks ago, remember? When were we ever together? We didn't get back together. Let me remind you. We were over. You made sure we were over. So yes, we're over. You made sure of that." So then I said, "Ok, I understand. Thank you." I took a few hours to just have that settle in. And then I called his sister to ask if I could drop something off at their door and she could just make sure that it's placed inside. I wanted to drop off the "promise ring" he gave me because I feel there are no promises he has kept. She did not pick up. I called 4 times. I messaged. I messaged his mom too. No responses or replies from either. I guess the tears were a tactic. Just like silencing me by ignoring all of my calls. I spoke with my best friend and she suggested just leaving him the cash-equivalent of the ring in an envelope with a note. But I don't know what the note should say. So any help or suggestions would be helpful. Things are over and I know this is the best thing for me. I cried quite a lot this afternoon. I cried for his twisting of the narrative. I cried for allowing someone to make me feel "less than" for so many years. I cried at the time I lost. I cried at the love I gave and the abuse I endured. But at least we're not together anymore...officially now. TL;DR: Boyfriend's actions suggested he did not care about me. I tried to discuss this and he became violently (verbally) upset and broke up with me. I have a promise ring I want to return but I'd like to melt it (just as the trust was eroded this melting will be symbolic of those promises being eroded too). I would like to then send the monetary value to him instead, with a note. Any suggestions for what I should include in the note, if anything at all? ##**NEW UPDATE** [New Update](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/J78ik3QPwK) **Sept 6, 2023** I had a late night last night and shared a very very long post about what happened. I received many comments overnight into this morning and I realize that the comments fell into one of two categories: • "How can you be so smart and yet have no self respect and remain so stupid when it comes to relationships?"(Yes, there's a group of us. We exist. Yes, introspection is needed and being pursued actively) • " I understand that you were in an abusive relationship and it took you, arguably, too long to leave. I'm glad it's over for you and you can look forward to focusing on you, and healing." I have read through every comment and every reply. Thank you for everything. I thought, there were points from my update last night that I wanted to highlight, and the remaining details shared had their moment, but, they don't have a fruitful space for me here, right now. (They'll have a space in therapy sessions.) So thank you to everyone for the love and advice on the original post and the update that I was kindly reminded/taught in the comments, was indeed not a real update (I've learned now!) :) To those kind individuals who sent me inboxed messages of concern, who even reached out to reddit out of concern for me, to those who drew parallels to their own situations, past and present, thank you for opening up your wounds and sharing your wisdom with me. I realize that we may never meet in person, but I genuinely thank you. You're in my heart and I have so much love and respect for what you have persevered through and flourished despite. So, here's what happened: I'm a PhD student in STEM at an Ivy League, which, for better or worse due to the size and funding of the institute, entails many international conference presentations and the dissemination of research results. After my original post, I had to travel for work/school, and it turned out to be very helpful for me to distance myself from him and his family. Where and when I thought back to his mom and sister crying about our breakup (and of course I felt for them in moments!) your thoughtful comments reassured me that his family's tears for our reconciliation were more tactic-based than genuine. The interactions with my BF while I was away were limited and unpleasant. When I returned I reached out to him to try and discuss the situation between us but the discussions turned volatile and verbally abusive. Some lies he told were brought to light, his responses were disrespectful, and he broke up with me. I was immediately emotional and decided that the promise ring he had gifted me should be returned to him. I reached out to his family, whom I believed I always had a lovely relationship with, to ask if someone was home for me to drop something off that belonged to him. I called a few times. I sent a text message. I received no responses last night. This was very uncharacteristic. I then thought to send the ring back, but I was not sure if it should be the monetary value of the ring or the ring itself. I posted on here asking about what the note should be, if there even should be one with the ring. So I posted a very long-winded update and I headed to sleep. I woke up this morning and I came to campus and have been reading through your responses and the ones that are helpful are the ones that help me to realize that there is no point in returning anything. There is no point in spending more money, time, or energy on him or his family. There is no point in trying to help unreasonable people see reason through discussion or conversation. Truly, there is no point. I have decided, upon taking your comments into consideration, that it is best that I store the ring away in some box, at the back of my closet, and maybe in some time, when I have distanced myself emotionally from the situation and worked on moving on in a healthy way, with much introspection (yes, I realize this entails therapy that has already been booked), I can decide on what to do with the ring -- whether that's sell it and donate the money to a charity (thank you for that wonderful suggestion), or, throw it away. Posting on reddit provides an unbiased space to share experiences and thoughts and while I'm relatively new to this space I appreciate all of the feedback and consideration from those individuals who were brash and honest, to those individuals who were unkind in their words, but mostly to those individuals who were honest, but kind in their interactions. The world needs more of you. Thank you. In the meantime, as some kind individuals who inboxed me separately suggested, I will focus on myself, on spending time with my family and friends who love me. I will work on rebuilding my self-confidence. I will work on learning to love myself more so that I never allow something like this to happen again. Onto bigger and better things, right guys? With love, OP TL;DR: I posted a long update last night. I read the input of all the lovely folks on here and I decided that it's better to take that long-winded update out of this space. So in short, BF broke up with me. He was awful. His family turned out to be awful. It was an abusive relationship and I allowed it to erode my self-confidence and self-love. I'll work on rebuilding that now. The promise ring that I had asked about returning to him? I'll keep it and decide on what to do with it (sell it/throw it out) at some point. In the meantime, I won't interact with him or his family - they are not "my people" regardless of how much I hoped that they were at some point. I'll focus on family, friends, school and me. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

BF (32M) did not celebrate my (33F) birthday this year + no gift/gestures. His bday is coming up. What do I do?

NEW UPDATE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16hcruq/bf_32m_did_not_celebrate_my_33f_birthday_this/

16hct2c

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/anguy1284 **Am I the a$$hole boarding the plane and leaving without my wife?** **Originally posted to** r/TwoHotTakes **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Death of a parent and death of a spouse!< **Special thanks to PitaEnigma for bringing this to the BoRU discord** [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/yoWKIGMOZo) **Sept 1, 2023** (Sorry ahead of time for the length of this one, but there is a lot of key details I think are important) I know how this sounds, but hear me out. This is also not my usual account but I don’t want to risk my wife seeing this, as it is currently a sensitive subject. My wife (female 43) and I (Male 47) have a daughter (Female 21) who goes to college out of state. We will call my wife Meg and my daughter Jess. Jess is in her Junior year of college. Over the summer she was employed by her university and was able to stay in the dorms. After summer she was moving out of the dorms and into her own apartment off campus. Meg and I live in the PNW (Jess goes to school on the east coast). We usually go to visit Jess a couple times throughout the semester, typically parents weekend and move out day. She also comes home during the holidays. Let me start by saying that traveling with my wife is not a great experience. I am very type a, I like to have everything organized and make sure that we get where we need to be early, especially when traveling. My wife is the opposite, very “go with the flow” and “we will get there when we get there”. I do my best to meet in the middle, but not when traveling by plane. Last year, during parents weekend Meg and I were going to fly out to see Jess. Our flight was at 10am. Our airport isn’t huge, but not a tiny airport either. I told my wife that we needed to be at the airport 90 minutes early, and we live about 30 minutes for the airports. This being said I wanted to leave at the very latest by 8, since we would also need to park and walk a little bit. I of course got up at 6, to make sure everything was ready and accounted for. My wife does not like to get up early. It took me attempting to wake her up 5 times before she eventually got up at 740 then wanted to make coffee, shower, and eat a bowl of cereal … let’s just say that we didn’t leave the house until 9. It ended up being busier at the airport than normal (likely due to many colleges having parents weekend) and it took so long to get through security that we missed our flight. Rightly so, the airline refused to refund our ticket. We were able to get new tickets but not until the next day and missed Friday afternoon and Saturday morning with our daughter. Jess was disappointed to say the least. Fast forward to now. We were flying down for a long weekend to help her move. We take one flight from our town to a bigger town nearby, then fly from there to my daughters college town. Again it was a long morning of me pushing my wife getting her to move along. Due to the last airport mishap I wanted to make sure I told her we needed to leave extra early as to not miss the flight again. We got there on time, with a bit of time to spare, and my wife was annoyed. Kept going on about how now we just have to sit and wait for 45 minutes for them to start boarding. We took our first flight and landed in the connecting city, at a much larger airport. We only had about 1 hour layover. We got off the plane at 915 and our next plane started boarding at 940. We had to take multiple rails to get from where we landed to our terminal. We got to our terminal and had about 15 minutes until our plane was set to board. My wife tells me that she wants to get coffee. There was a little market next to our terminal that sold hot food and coffee. I asked if she wanted me to go grab it for her. “No I want Starbucks” she said. Well Starbucks we a rail ride away, and a little bit of a walk. I told her we couldn’t do that, we didn’t have enough time. She stated that we had enough time and if I wouldn’t go with her she would go by herself. I tried to discourage her but she was determined. She walked away, at a brisk pace for her, and said she would be back in time. 15 minutes went by and she was no where to be seen. The started calling boarding groups, I called my wife hoping she was near by, she didn’t answer. They called a few groups, then called ours. In a panic I called my wife again, 3 times, finally on the last call she answered and said she was on her way, it was a long line and she had to wait a bit. I told her they were almost done with boarding and she needed to hurry up. I waited by the gate but the attendant said they would need to shut the gate in 2 minutes. I waited and waited, but she didn’t show up. The attendant asked if I wanted to board, otherwise she was closing the gate. I tried to plead with her to wait a couple of minutes but she insisted that she couldn’t. So, I boarded the plane. A few minutes later my wife calls me saying the the attendant won’t let her on, they had already removed the boarding ramp at that point. She told me I needed to tell them to let me off the plane to be with her and I said no. It is not fair to do this again to Jess, I said I told you we didn’t have time but you decided to go anyways. I told her to go purchase a new ticket for the next flight and I would see her when she arrives. She got to Jess’s school and seemed unbothered by the whole situation, didn’t even really talk about it. I thought maybe she realized it was her fault and just wanted to drop it. Boy was I wrong. We are now home and she hasn’t talked to me since the trip, over a week ago, and is insisting that I am an asshole. So, am I the asshole? UPDATE: Wow, I know a lot of people say this but I really didn’t think this would get as big as it did. Thanks everyone for the responses. I have been trying to read them in batches when I have time, because I have been getting some good suggestions. I wanted to answer a couple questions I saw as well as add a bit of extra info. For those who are outside of USA, PNW is Pacific Northwest. As far as how she acts in other situations, she generally doesn’t have any issues. She is never one to be late to work or anything like that, or just seems like travel is her poor area. I never noticed things like this until we started traveling often to see our daughter. This is why I never considered ADD/ADHD, she really shows no other signs of this. I saw posts implying that my wife might have an addiction of some sort, I’m not sure how that would line up but I don’t see that being a possibility I didn’t think the following information was important, but my daughter made a comment, and so did a friend that I discussed this with, so I thought maybe I would mention it here. Jess is not Meg’s daughter. I was married one before and my wife unfortunately passed away due to complications during Jess’s birth. I remarried Meg when my daughter was 6. My daughter made a comment that Meg doesn’t like want to come to see/help her and that is why she is always running late, but I have offered to go alone and Meg was always very against that idea so I wouldn’t think that is the case. Update 2 posted in comments, wouldn’t allow me to add any more info here (kept giving me an error) **RELEVANT COMMENT FROM OOP** [Comment Here](https://reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/Zej1d7GizS) **Same Day** I can’t say that Meg and Jess have had the easiest relationship. Meg always wanted to have another child but we were unable to conceive. She did make comments that she wanted children of her own and that caused a little riff in our relationship at the time because I wanted her to see Jess as her daughter. But they really never had the typical mother daughter relationship, it was always very much pushed that Jess was my daughter. Meg did make comments about being excited to have an empty nest, but I assumed this was just because we would have more room. Jess is a great kid and really never says anything bad about anyone, but she had made comments before stating that she think Meg is jealous of her, but this never made sense to me. She has also told me that she doesn’t want Meg to come to her school for parents weekend as she would rather spend it just with me, or wait for fathers weekend. But Meg always says she wants to go and I have never gone without her. This being said I have never seen any negativity directed at Jess from Meg, or resentment. Maybe I am missing something? **~OOP UDATED IN THE COMMENTS~** [Update](https://reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/aqAC3EHlpe) **Sept 6, 2023** UPDATE: Hi everyone, thanks again for all the advice, I read as many of the comments as I could and took in all the information. I wanted to provide an update. My wife finally started talking to me again. When she did i told her that I wanted to have a conversation about the situation, but I wanted to give it a couple of days for emotions to settle down. Some of the comments here gave me a great idea and I wanted to see what she thought about it. For all future trips I will have my tickets, she will have hers. I typically drive to the airport and leave my car in one of the pay lots, so I would drive myself and she could Uber. She will have all the freedom she wants to do what she wants but it is up to her to arrive on time and board the plane. I let her know that it was starting to feel like I needed to keep track of both of us, I phrased it in a way to make it sound like I didn’t want to be controlling over her and let her manage her own time. She wasn’t happy with this, but she reluctantly agreed. Now to get to the bigger issue that I didn’t realize we had until reading the comments of this post. Call me oblivious, but I really never thought there was any issue between Meg and Jess. After talking to my wife she wouldn’t admit to any issues, and stated that she would never intentionally delay a flight so that we couldn’t see “our daughter” and acted offended that I would ask such a thing. If that was her actual purpose, I don’t think I would be able to prove it. But, it will be at the forefront of my mind in the future. After talking to Meg and Jess, we decided on the following. Meg and I will be visiting Jess on parents weekend. But, I will be attending fathers weekend from now on, and I will be attending by myself to get some alone time with Jess. Jess seemed very excited and surprisingly Meg didn’t seem to have an issue with that this time. Thanks again to everyone who took the time to read and give me advice, I really appreciate everything and I hope these steps can work towards a resolution for the issues. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Am I the a**hole boarding the plane and leaving without my wife?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16hct2c/am_i_the_ahole_boarding_the_plane_and_leaving/

16hd18l

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Wandering\_aimlessly9](https://www.reddit.com/user/Wandering_aimlessly9/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole, r/toxicparents and r/relationship_advice. (She clarified her gender in a different post) I added a few extra paragraph breaks for readability. **Trigger Warning:** >!intentionally exposing a minor to an allergen; gaslighting!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!frustrating but OOP seems to be heading in a good direction!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/toxicparents/comments/1547nb2/parents_vs_grandparents/)**: July 19, 2023** Long story short my parents have a history of lying, gaslighting, manipulation and such. Previously it was in regards to my little having celiac and them swearing to follow the diet they know WELL but then sneaking her foods with gluten while lying to her they were gluten free. We put them in time out for a month or two then had a “discussion” with them. (They were allowed to speak when asking questions for clarification.) in that we set a lot of boundaries which would be loss of “grandparent privileges” if they didn’t follow. (They keep all grandkids every Friday night bc family should stick together and they want to see them and spend time with them. Plus “it gives you guys a break.”) it does NOT give me a break. What I get is 3-4 hrs of round trip driving to meet my parents half way and then waiting for them to call only to have to drop things at the last second bc they know we live further but won’t give us an hour heads up like we have repeatedly asked for. So I can’t plan anything on Saturdays. Then…driving round trip for another 3+ hrs. Not to mention cost of gas. But they like spending time with their cousins so we do it. Also note that the older grandkids only go to see each other so if my kids don’t go my sister’s kids don’t go which means grandparents get zero Friday night kids. Last night my mom called. My dad had a “mild heart attack.” He’s fine she said. He ejection fraction was 35% and he was in congestive heart failure. He’s on meds that are dropping his blood pressure but the doctors are working on it. Of course I wanted to know what hospital. Oh no. You don’t understand. Dad is find. This happened 4-6 months ago. They got the diagnosis 4 months ago. After talking to my mom and processing thing I realized something important…my dad picks my kids up on Fridays. My dad watched my little for a week at their insistence when I had to take the oldest to get medical care. He was alone with a 5 yo and no other adults. I calmly clarify with my mom that they’ve known for months and are just now feeling the desire to tell me when he’s been driving my children around all this time. Well yes. And “we knew you were going to do this.” I informed her that I had a right to know because it is my responsibility to make an informed decision about what situations my children are put in. My mom blew it off (she likes to gaslight) telling me they would never put my children in danger or harm them. I asked her what would have happened had dad had a heart attack and wrecked killing my children. She then ended the conversation saying if I was going to be like this she couldn’t talk to me. I wished her well and ended the call. DH **(Editor's note- DH usually stands for Dear Husband on these subs)** said a 3 month time out and after that we could talk. He feels 3 months would teach them that we are serious. I’m so lost and I won’t deny it…I’m pissed. I want to mourn my dad’s failing health but I’m too pissed off that they took my decisions away bc “they know better.” It was a manipulation and it’s more gaslighting. My parents both came from really bad homes. If someone had called CPS back then they would have done an emergency order on my dad’s parents. They tried so hard to not continue the abusive and did really well. This is part of why I’m torn. I know they are trying. But their trying isn’t good enough anymore. [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15b85qg/i_caused_my_dads_heart_attack_40f_65m_what_do_i_do/) **in relationship advice: July 27, 2023 (1 week later)** **Editor's note-** I removed some of the paragraphs that repeated the information in the above post. **Title: I “caused” my dad’s heart attack (40f, 65m) What do I do?** **(Following her telling her mom they were in time out from seeing the kids)** Well she didn’t tell my dad. So dad kept asking if the girls were coming this weekend. Finally I responded and said “per my convo with mom last week it was decided the girls will be staying home for the foreseeable future.” Accusations started flying on his behalf where he informed me he didn’t want me to know because I caused his heart attack. I explained to him the 10 months of lying (by omission) is why the time out is in place. I informed him I get to decide if he was healthy enough to drive my children after a heart attack and in chf. If anyone in the family has a right to decide who drives their children around it would be ME the RN who is their mom. I also told him gaslighting would stop. I was the bigger person and didn’t say, “I didn’t cause your chf because I didn’t give you your genetics and I didn’t give you the food you ate for the past 60+ years. I didn’t make you weigh 350 pounds or convince you to smoke for 30 years. I didn’t make you sedentary for the past 5 years. Those are all on you.” I’m even refusing to finish reading his message and the additional ones he sent. Seriously I’m lost. I don’t know what to do. He’s denying they ever gave her gluten. He denies the convo where he admitted to it or the multiple times we caught him and educated where he said he wouldn’t. We think he’s developing dementia as he has had MANY head injuries over the years…head on collision at 55mph, falling off an oil rig 30 feet up (not sure how he survived those). I have questioned my mom before anything happened in Nov about dad forgetting things and she denies it saying you forget things when you’re older. But yeah. They are in time out and will no longer have unsupervised access to the kids. I’m just lost. I want a relationship with my parents. They are getting old. They will be dying soon. But this isn’t healthy. ***Relevant Comments:*** *How did you "cause" the heart attack, and could they both have early onset dementia?* "Apparently the “cause” of the heart attack was when I told them they were poisoning her and it could kill her. I totally get it. They may both be. I haven’t seen signs in my mom. I see more signs of her denying things/gaslighting." **AITA** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16ar0ic/aita_for_telling_my_parents_we_are_moving_via_text/)**: September 5, 2023 (5 weeks later)** So here is the gist…my parents don’t like rules/boundaries. They think they have the ultimate say in regards to my children. Ex: during the pandemic doctors diagnosed our little with celiac. My parents had been following a gluten free diet for our oldest so we didn’t think anything of them transitioning the little in their home to the diet. Long story short we found out (by my dad’s own admission) that my parents had been giving my little gluten bc I “want them to be like me and be sick” (eye roll) and “if you take a food away for a long time that’s how people develop allergies” (eye roll). We did a time out so I could cool off. Then we had a come to Jesus meeting where I laid down the law. They agreed to the rules. Any deviation would result in no more unsupervised visits from the kids. Well…10 months later I found out my dad has had a heart attack and was in congestive heart failure. They hid it for…10 months. Blah blah blah. He’s fine. They are “justified” because I wouldn’t have let the kids go with my dad (him driving) and they “have a right” to the kids. He also blamed me for his heart attack (when it was really 2-3 McDonald’s meals every day when he was working, 350 pounds and a sedentary lifestyle, constant sugar intake, and an overall unhealthy lifestyle that lead to his CHF and heart attack.) I reminded them one of the criteria during the gluten discussion was no lying. My dad said it wasn’t a lie bc they didn’t tell us. I reminded him he raised me that leaving out important facts was lying by omission and this fit that criteria. Then there was him saying I was bitter and trying to control them. I put us in another time out bc I needed a break and that when the time out was over…there would only be supervised visits. He still contacted me each week to see if he was coming to get the girls. I ignored bc…time out. Finally he mentions my nephew acting as if something is wrong only to find out…nephew wants to know when my kids are coming back. Unexpectedly in the middle of the time out…my husband got a job and we are moving out of state. Ouch. (This has NOTHING to do with my parents. The timing was an unfortunate consequence.) Here is the catch. A few weeks before the pandemic started my husband discussed a possible move out of the country for his job…that crumbled when the pandemic hit obviously. However leading up to it my parents were throwing a fit “how could you do that to us” “we have rights to see our grandchildren” “family comes first no matter what” “you are hurting the children by not letting them have regular access to their family” and my favorite “we can sue for grandparent rights.” (In our state grandparents have no rights if the parents are married. I don’t know about the state we are moving to.) I don’t want to deal with the accusations. I don’t want to deal with the fight. I just want it done and over with. So AITA for doing it by text and not a call? ***Relevant Comments:*** *Clarification on the gluten free diet and who diagnosed:* "I apologize. The doctors diagnosed celiac. My parents had been following a gluten free diet for the oldest so we assumed it wouldn’t be a big deal for my parents to transition the little to the same diet. They follow it for the older one. My father informed me they were giving her small amounts of gluten so she didn’t develop an allergy and that they (my parents) had decided the reason “we” put her on a gluten free diet was bc I was lonely being sick and wanted others “like me”. I have allergies and a gluten sensitivity. I do not have celiac. But yeah. (Sorry for the confusion)" *Why oldest is gluten free:* "She has something similar to celiac called gluten ataxia. Instead of attacking the intestines it attacks the brain stem. When exposed to gluten she loses the ability to walk. We do have medical documentation." *Never let them be unsupervised with your kids:* "They will never have unsupervised access again. I have put a full stop to that. My father informed me that he will never do supervised visits so I sucked it up and did what Reddit said (I kid you not I did)…then you won’t see them again. Any phone calls…any video chats…any mail. Will all be supervised. Including any gifts that come in the mail for them. All will be opened and read/combed through ahead of time. (My mom likes to send cards and gifts when they are in trouble. “We love you no matter what anyone says. It breaks our hearts that you are away from us.” Then she sends a gift that is all girly for the little who is girly…and a super girly gift for the oldest who is a Tom boy. She does Rubik’s cubes, ninja warrior stuff within her ability, mountain biking…and my mom sends her oragami flowers, adult coloring books with girly themes like lipstick and make up.) Everything will be monitored from here on out." *Don't give them your new address or let them come visit:* "It makes me feel bad but I don’t want them to come visit. I have never felt comfortable in the nice homes we’ve owned. They were all foreclosures and were so beautiful but half the price. I’ve always felt the need to tell people we could never afford something so nice. My husband said it was bragging but I honestly never felt like I deserved it. Then my husband asked me “what do you think your parents would say about the new house we picked out?” And I said “mom will tell me it’s nice and that she deserves something like this but my dad never loved her enough to give her something like this. Then my dad will tell me it’s nice but it’s going to cause so many problems because my mom will want him to do upgrades to their doublewide and that it will devolve into fights and him spending thousands of dollars for her to say it’s not good enough. So thanks.” And at that moment I realized…every home. The same reaction. They deserve it more. I don’t deserve it. And I realized…they are the reason I never feel like I deserve a nice home." *Why do you still keep in contact with them?* "In all honesty…it wasn’t until I joined Reddit and started reading things and saying “that’s toxic as hell get out…let me tell you about the time my parents did xyz.” After a few of those responses I started realizing what my parents were saying they were doing out of love and family obligation…was actually toxic. I’m working on it. With each issue I get closer and closer to the no contact. I’m hoping (however fruitless it might be and I realize it’s maybe a 5% chance of getting better) once I start laying down boundaries that they will start to realize their actions are inappropriate and what led to the issues." **Update (Same Post): September 6, 2023 (Next Day)** Update: Thank you all. I didn’t expect the outpouring of love. I AM learning how to deal with things. Once we are moved I will be finding a therapist. Thank you to those who sent me resources to help. I truly do appreciate them! We’ve decided to tell them after my husband has officially moved (or is about to walk out the door so he can be there). We will be hanging back a week or two but he will establish a new residency for us the next day so we will be official new state residents before they can do anything. They can’t get an address bc…well we won’t have one yet lol. We have always taken an approach of you deal with your family and I will deal with mine. BUT…you have helped me see…once I tell them, he can deal with them…and I’m ok with that. (So is he to clarify.) And I will NOT be embarrassed or ashamed of my new home. It will be beautiful. It will be a dream. It will be a place a make a ton of memories in and they will NOT ruin it for me this time!!!

AITA for telling my parents we are moving via text? A saga of breaking away from toxic parents

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16hd18l/aita_for_telling_my_parents_we_are_moving_via/

16hn91t

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/OptimalAd6885 **Thanks to** u/Direct-Caterpillar77 **for suggesting this to BoRU** **Trigger Warning:** >!Death of a parent, suicide!< &#x200B; **AITAH for making my bf get out of the car when he made a comment about my dead mom** **Originally posted to** r/AITAH [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/167oxfi/aitah_for_making_my_bf_get_out_of_the_car_when_he/) – **September 1, 2023** We’ve been together 10 months, live together and argue pretty frequently about different things but this time the line was definitely crossed. The story starts with his car getting towed, we don’t know why and he’s upset. I know it sucks getting your car towed, so I offered to give him a ride, help out however I can, and continued to be nice to him in spite of him not being very nice to me. I take him there, we wait until he gets to the front of the line then he tells me to take him to his mother’s so he can get money then the bank to deposit it, which is 30 minutes away. So I take him to do that and he’s still being rude to me, saying it’s my fault his car got towed, how I “took the easy way out” (which I guess is defined as paying my $8 monthly parking fee on time), blaming me for what’s out of my control. At this point it’s been about 3 hours, he still hasn’t thanked me for what I did, and I felt unappreciated. After the bank, we agreed his mom should take him back to the tow place, so I started heading back that way. I then asked him what the address was and he said he didn’t know. I asked “You don’t know where your mom lives?” And he replied, “At least I have a mom.” For context, my mother committed suicide when I was 3 years old and my father just passed away in June. Their deaths are something I’m still coping with. So when he said that, my bitch switch flipped on and I pulled the car over, telling him to get out and walk. I understand that didn’t help the situation at all, and he had the right to be angry to begin with, but his car being towed was completely out of my hands and I don’t think I deserved to be treated that way. Literally not even an hour before we figured out his car was gone, we were out shopping and laughing and all around having a good day. The comment was unnecessary in my opinion but maybe I should’ve just cut him some slack and give him a ride. AITAH? UPDATE I’ve been getting a lot of feedback for this post, mostly positive which I really appreciate. I want to give an actual update once some real action has taken place. As of right now we are broken up, I don’t plan on forgiving him, and he will be moving out as soon as the necessary papers are signed. Thank you, Reddit, for giving me the wake up call I needed. &#x200B; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16bds91/aitah_for_making_my_bf_get_out_of_the_car_when_he/) – **September 6, 2023 (Five days later)** If you didn’t read part 1 I left a link for it. Before I get into it, I wanna say thank you for the advice and support. It’s nice to know I’m not crazy or the only person going through something like this. For those of you asking, I am F21 and he is M23. Most of you will be happy to know we are no longer together. We went to the apartment office, signed the necessary papers and he will be moving out within the next 60 days. I will be taking over the lease for the 2 bedroom. Until he moves out, he’s staying in the guest room. We still have not spoken since that day. I’ve never felt more confident about this decision. I would have done it a lot sooner, because he’s said and done some pretty sh\*tty things that tested my limits. My excuse was I’ve never been in a serious relationship for that long before, I thought it would work out and things would change. That day really woke me up and made me realize I deserve better than what I was getting. What we had was not love, and any feelings I had for him before are gone. Lastly, thank you for the condolences in regards to my late parents. My home life was always a bit rocky, I wish some things happened differently as one can imagine. It’s a touchy subject, and I definitely do not tolerate anybody making any sort of derogatory comments towards them. Especially not from somebody who’s supposed to be the love of my life. What makes his comment even more irritating is the fact he never met either one of my parents. My dad lived in a different state from us when he was alive, which was the main reason why. To be quite frank, I don’t think my parents would have liked him anyway. As for me, I’m just tryna figure out how to love myself again. I don’t have any interest in pursuing another relationship or anything sexually. I’ve been 21 for about 6 months now and haven’t even been to any good bars or clubs with my friends. As a matter of fact, I’ve barely been able to spend time with any friends (or family) since we’ve been together. I definitely plan on making each day count with the loved ones I have left. &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITAH for making my bf get out of the car when he made a comment about my dead mom?

CONCLUDED

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16hn91t/aitah_for_making_my_bf_get_out_of_the_car_when_he/

16hsvv1

**I am not the original poster. Original post by** u/BoatInevitable2681 **in** r/AITAH. *Reminder - Do not comment on linked posts!* trigger warnings: >!Matters related to adoption!< mood spoilers: >!Conflicted Feelings, Resentment, Annoyance, Tension in Family Dynamics!< --- &nbsp; ###[**AITAH for refusing a relationship with my biological mom?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16886xw/aitah_for_refusing_a_relationship_with_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *Sat, Sep 02, 2023* I (16F) was adopted when I was a baby. My bio mom was in her early twenties when she gave birth to me, I’m not sure exactly how old she was or how old she is now. She wasn’t ready for a baby so she gave me up for adoption. My (adoptive) parents don’t know anything about my dad or anything more about my bio family. My parents told me a month ago that my bio mom reached out and asked if she could meet me. They said it’s up to me and I can if I want. I decided to meet her just out of curiosity and because I wanted to know the details of why she gave me up, who my bio dad is, etc. She drove to our town and we went for coffee. She told me I can ask her what I want and she’ll be honest. I asked her why she gave me up and she said she was young and thought she would be throwing her life away with a child. She went on to get married and be quite successful in her career (she’s a scientist). I asked her why she decided to look for me and she said she always wondered what I turned out like and now that she’s settled in her life, she would love for us to have a relationship, especially since she’s struggled to conceive and she’s come to terms with me being her only child. That hurt my feelings to be honest. Like she only remembers that she has a child now that she can’t have any more? She probably wouldn’t have even reached out if she didn’t have trouble conceiving. She said she would like it if I could come over on breaks and stay with her and her husband. I told her thanks for reaching out and answering my questions but I’m not really interested in a relationship with her that she only wanted because she can’t have more kids. I told her I get giving up a child when she was very young and I genuinely don’t blame her for it but it’s been 16 years. I don’t need a relationship with her now and I’m not really comfortable with it either. She looked really sad but said she understood. She went back to her city and has been texting me every so often dropping hints that she wants me to come visit her. Yesterday she sent me a picture of a room she decorated in pink (I don’t even like pink) and said she’s excited for when I come visit. Clearly she hadn’t gotten the hint so I told her to please stop this and that I wasn’t going to visit. I kind of feel bad and guilty somehow but I really don’t want to keep forcing myself to speak to this lady or go visit her. I don’t want her to think I’m spiteful for her giving me up but I just don’t want a relationship with her and her husband. AITAH? &nbsp; ###[**UPDATE: AITAH for refusing a relationship with my biological mom?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/168zddm/update_aitah_for_refusing_a_relationship_with_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *The next day* Didn’t expect to update at all and definitely not so soon but I had a call with bio mom. She hadn’t responded to my message asking her to stop and that I wouldn’t be coming over, and she called me about an hour ago. She asked me to explain what makes me so uncomfortable about having a relationship with her and why I’m being so mean when she’s just trying to bond with me. I told her what she said about wanting a relationship with me now because she can’t have other kids makes me feel like I’m her last resort and she would’ve never reached out if she had kids. She said she’s sorry for saying that but I did ask her to be honest about why she looked for me and she was just being honest. I said yes I did and thanks for your honesty but that doesn’t mean I have to be happy with your response. She said if I don’t look at it as being her last resort, I can gain another mom and dad with her and her husband because they have love to give that they don’t have other kids to give to. I could tell she was trying to make the situation sound better but honestly it was just making me feel worse. I said I don’t want or need another mom or dad, and that she doesn’t get to give me away when I was inconvenient then think I’m going to welcome her into my life with open arms just because she wants to play the role of mother bear to someone. I told her she’s literally a stranger and it’s bizarre that she wants to have a close relationship with me just because we’re blood. I admit this was meaner than I intended it to be and I did regret saying it, although it’s 100% what I feel. I said in my post yesterday that I wasn’t spiteful but I probably am. I don’t know why she can choose to pick her career over her child then expect a mother-daughter relationship when other people have done all the work of raising me. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe giving me up for adoption was easy for her at all, it couldn’t have been. But she made the choice to further her career instead of raising me. Clearly that choice has been the best one for us both because she got the career she wanted and I grew up in an amazing family with the best parents I could’ve asked for. So I don’t really resent the outcome but I resent the audacity she has to think we can just magically develop a mother-daughter bond because of HER desires and despite my own. I know a lot of you said to not burn this bridge because I might need her one day and that may be true. My feelings on this might change but I don’t think there’s going to be a time where I think she handled this correctly and had my well-being at heart. This entire thing has felt like it was just about her and not even the slightest bit about me and what she thinks I need or want. After I said what I said, she said fine and that she won’t contact me again. I told her I’m sorry for being harsh and I really don’t want to be mean or cause her any hurt but this is hard on me too. Lastly I said thanks to her for placing me up for adoption because I have an amazing life and I wouldn’t change it for anything. So that’s it and that bridge may be burnt, my bad lol. As some of you suggested, I think I’ll ask my parents to contact her for medical information and dads side of the family incase I want to reach out. I know many people won’t agree with what I did and how I went about it but honestly I feel good. I’m less anxious now that it feels like this chapter is closed. All I gained from her wanting to meet me is anxiety and uncertainty. I feel better now that I’m not wondering what’s going to happen with her. If I end up wanting anything to do with her in the future, I’m not sure what I’ll do but I’m not worried. I’ll cross that bridge when I get there. Thank you to everyone for your advice, I really appreciate it. &nbsp; *Thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BORU* **Reminder - I am NOT the Original Poster!**

AITAH for refusing a relationship with my biological mom?

ONGOING

ParadoxicalState

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16hsvv1/aitah_for_refusing_a_relationship_with_my/

16hvuo8

**I am not the OOP, OOP is** u/old-guy-50 **Am I wrong for tell my 14F daughter the truth about her aunt?** **Originally posted to** r/amiwrong **Trigger Warnings:** >!Attempted kidnapping, infidelity!<**Mood Spoilers:** >!Positive ending!< **Editor’s Note: Added spaces to make the post readable. Re-posted with Mods permission. My apologies for the cutoff after a necessary edit.** [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/168gsfl/am_i_wrong_for_tell_my_14f_daughter_the_truth/) **– September 2, 2023** Sorry this is long but the background is important. Okay, so 23 years ago last month my youngest sister Anna moved in with her third college roommate in as many years. For context both my middle sister, Cora, and I had the same roommate all four years of college. The new roomie (Bree) was cute, smart as hell and new to dorm life. Bree’s brother Ed moved her in and I moved Anna in. I was 27m at the time, Anna and Bree were 20, and Ed was 22. Anna and Ed really hit it off and Ed asked Anna to dinner that night. Jokingly I asked Bree out as well. Anna thought was I being serious and basically pushed Bree and I out the door. Ed and Anna never left the room…. Bree and I went out for dinner and when I say I fell in love I’m not kidding you I was done for. I order dessert just to keep the conversation going. I lived only 20 minutes from their campus in a house I had bought myself. I asked Bree if she would like to come over and for the first time in my adult life I was turned down my a chick. But turned down or not I was hooked and started asking Bree out regularly. Ed was a grad student on campus and he and Anna also kept dating. The girls were in their junior year but since they were both dating the other’s brother they lived together for their senior year too. Bree and I got engaged that October and That is when Anna’s switch flipped. Ed was still in grad school and Anna was going to have at least one more semester of college because she had change her major so much. They were in no position to get engaged. Anna was a constant pain in the behind during the wedding planning. She tired to cancel vendors, change orders and even attempted to destroy Bree’s Dress. Ed threatened to break up with her if she didn’t stop. She did. But the day of the wedding she tried to spill something (still don’t know what) on Bree’s dress but go her own instead. She missed the whole wedding changing. At the reception my sister Cora and Bree’s brother Dean (Older than Ed and Bree) got engaged. All planned by Dean and Bree since both families were going to be there. Anna again had a fit but calmed down at the thought of getting engaged at Cora’s wedding. Ed didn’t want to ruin the day anymore so he kept quiet. Later after Bree and I were gone. Ed caught Anna in a closet with a family friend doing the nasty. Ed of course broke up with her. . Anna threw a fit destroyed the venue and ruined Cora and Dean’s engagement party. For ten years Anna was in our lives with a cycle of men she would cheat on, rotating jobs, and having total meltdowns making our lives miserable. It all ended when she was arrested for fraud and spent the last 13 years out of our lives. Now she is back. My and Bree’s youngest asked me why Aunt Anna and I don’t get along. Anna had told her some lies and my daughter was confused because one involved Uncle Ed cheating on Anna. I set down and told my 14 year old the story I typed here. My wife thinks she is too young to be told all this. Am I wrong? Edit to add: when Anna got out of prison she showed up at family dinner un-invited and seemed to get all the kids, mine and Cora’s, into conversations. Since all the kids share Uncles the eldest called BS early. Its the 14 year old who questioned me. All of Cora’s kids called BS. Anna isn’t supposed to be around the kids anymore. Second edit my wife wants me to add that our daughter’s BS meter is not broken. She called BS on me when I said my wife is the first woman to turn me down. **Relevant Comments from OOP:** *I hate to break it to you but your 14 is a lot smarter than you and your wife giver her credit for. Telling the truth is always the best and it lets her know not to go anywhere near Anna. I see a restraining order in your future.* >**OP:** We had one years ago but it has expired. I filed for one a week ago and hope to have it approved after the long weekend.I agree she is a lot smarter than my wife gives her credit for. I felt she could handle all of the truth but my wife cut me off. I had so much more to tell her.I think the fact that she is my wife’s “last baby” make Bree a lot more protective of her. *I need a link chart for this. So three siblings (Anna, Cora and OP) all dated three siblings (Ed, Dean and Bree)? Cora and Dean and OP and Bree got married. Cora and Dean got engaged at OP and Bree's reception, which also became Cora and Dean's engagement party? Anna cheated, and she and Ed broke up. Anna became a criminal, absent from the family, now back.Is Ed married to another sister? Is there another brother for Anna?I don't think you're wrong, but I don't know how she followed all of that. I would have checked out.* >**OP:** Ed married a wonderful woman. We love her. If Anna is married or dating I don’t know I literally saw her for the first time in 13 years a little over a week ago.After we left our reception everyone stayed to celebrate the engagement until Anna vandalized the place. We do redo the engagement party later. &#x200B; [Update #1](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/16avw5w/update_on_telling_my_14f_daughter_the_truth_about/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- **September 5th, 2023 (Four days later)** Original Post [https://reddit.com/r/amiwrong/s/UawPxIehsR](https://reddit.com/r/amiwrong/s/UawPxIehsR) It happened today, and I’m not sorry. The restraining order was denied because the judge is a softie. We filed an appeal before leaving. While we were filing the appeal Anna rushed to the school and tried to pull my teenager out early. My daughter was at lunch with friends in the outside eating area. Its gated but the video shows Anna walking up to the gate, speaking to my daughter and then walk to the office. Now I’m very glad I told the truth and my wife is as well. Our daughter pretended to gather her things and walk to the office to meet Anna, but instead told a teacher her Aunt is crazy and trying to kidnap her. The police were called Anna was arrested and I bet we get our restraining order tomorrow! The school acted quickly and perfectly keeping my daughter and the rest of the students safe. Im grateful I talked to my daughter and I get to hear the words every husband longs for from his wife. “I was wrong and I’m sorry.” My wife actually said those words! My daughter is aafe, Anna is back behind bars and my wife admitted I was right. I thought today was going to be bad but it turned up aces! Thank this community for listening. This has been good for me. Edit to add the last three hours. I’m shaken and so is all of our family. I just calmed down enough to post. Almost as soon as I hit POST there was a knock on my door and it was the sheriff. For background we know him. Dean, Ed, and Bree were raised by their grandfather the former sheriff and the current sheriff has known them his entire career. The family had gathered because we wanted to support each other. Anna had also attempted to remove Ed’s 14 year old daughter from school. The girls were upset so we were all together. What the Sheriff shared baffles me. Anna had drugs and a gun in the car she was driving. We don’t know what she had planned or how he got the gun. We all looked a picture and it is not one we have ever seen. Anna will be arraigned tomorrow on charges of attempted kidnap, procession with intent, and bringing a weapon onto school grounds. I can’t begin to tell you how shaken we are or scared I am for my children. My son is two hours away at college but he is coming home to be with his sister and us. I am very proud of my daughter she asked if she would be allowed to speak at the arraignment and the sheriff has promised to ask. I’m not sure if it’s allowed but I’m proud she wants to stand up for herself. We have to be at the courthouse tomorrow at 9am and wait for Anna’s case to be called. They have to arraign her within 24hours of arrest so we know it will be before noon. Her trial make take up to two years to be prosecuted, her fraud trial was three years long, but this part is quick. They are asking for no bail as no one will take her into their homes. My mother and father are beside themselves absolutely devastated and blaming themselves. A mark of the amazing woman Ed ended up with is knelt in front of my parents and told them it was not their fault. Anna has asked to speak to our parents, Cora and myself, but at this point we all have declined. We are too angry too upset and too hurt. I’ll update tomorrow after the hearing. &#x200B; **Relevant Comments from OOP:** *Why did you file for the protection order? How did you know you'd need it? Did she threaten anyone?* >**OP:** We first got one on 2006. Anna was out on bail in her fraud trial. Her ex boyfriend bailed her out not anyone in our family. We had just bought our house. Anna came over ranting about how we stole her life and threw brinks through the windows. One missed my son now 19 by inches. Bree ran and hid in a closet with him and our almost newborn (I think she was three weeks old) until cops got there. I didn’t get to share that with my daughter, my wife cut me off. That got us the first one. It expired while she was in prison so she was not breaking it showing up to dinner. She threw a nut fit about me kissing my wife the night of dinner. I filed that Monday but couldnt get a hearing on it for a week. Since the the judge didn’t think her behavior was enough we lost. Anna lost her mind and went straight to the school. *I am so sorry this is happening to you. Kudos to you and your wife (and Ed and his wife) for having the forethought to call the school AND for telling Gwen about Anna's unstable-ness. Lets hope she gets many more years in jail and never sees you or your families again.Question: Are you parents finally able to see how sick Anna is or are they still in denial?* >**OP:** My parents have always seen problems. They paid for therapy for YEARS for Anna. Had her Evaluated for mental illness, punished her actions, called her out for misbehavior the list goes on. They have NEVER been in denial. They always expected Anna to suffer the consequences of her action and NEVER once have bailed Anna out. Even when she stole a candy bar at 11 she had to confess to the store owner and pay for it from her money. My parents are NOT the typical boomer parents who needed the commercial reminding them they had kids. They were super involved and did everything to get Anna help early and often. Anna just never learned. [Update #2:](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/16bp78v/final_update_on_telling_my_14_year_old_the_truth/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)\- **September 6th, 2023 (One day later)** You can check my other posts for more background. Today my youngest sister was arraigned for attempting to kidnap my daughter. For clarity, my daughter’s name will be Gwen. For anyone following my posts I am naming people ABCDEG I skipped F because I am not creative enough to get a female name my daughter won’t hate me for. SO….. If you have ever have to go to arraignment court what happens is everyone is let in at 8:45am and you have to wait for the case to be called. Anna’s lawyer asked my parents, me, and Cora to meet with Anna as she was pleading guilty to some of the charges and would not be released today. My wife and her brothers agreed we should go and maybe get some answers. We got no answers only rantings of how we are horrible people to keep her out of our family and that we abandoned her. We turned her niece against her and we resent the fact that she is so much better of human being than we are. My mother is a mess. She hasn’t been able to stop crying. We waited for a long time and Anna was the last case before the lunch break. The Judge made a statement about yesterday’s judge and how we should have walked out of here with a order of protection. He also said he doubted a OOP would have helped. He ordered a psych eval before trial. He read a report that said she was okay for arraignment so he proceeded . He did allow Gwen and her cousin Helen to speak. I have tried to attached a photo of what Gwen wrote, but Helen decided not to speak at the last minute. From Gwen: My name is \_\_\_\_\_\_ Until yesterday school was my safe place. I never worried about anything. I am not Miss Popluar but I have good friends and my classmates are good people. Yesterday someone who should love me, who should want to protect me took away my safe place. I have Aunts who would jump into fire to save me. Now I know I have one who would push me in. I only met her 10 days ago. In that short time she has shaken my foundations. I am asking this court to make right what she stole and please keep her away from me and my family. I’m only 14, but inn the past 10days I feel like I have aged 20 years. I know (Anna) wants me to ask for mercy, but that is not safe for me to do. To say I am proud of my little girl doesn’t begin to cover it. Yes her brother, sister and cousins did help her, but she read this in a courtroom in front of the judge. Anna did attempt to interrupt but was threatened with contempt. Anna pleaded guilty to possession charges. She fought the attempted kidnap. Her argument is that the school would have never released the girls to her based on the school policies and therefore she had NO reasonable expectation of success. HOWEVER She was the last case on the docket by design. While one solicitor was in arraignment court another one was in with the grand jury. About 20 minutes before Anna was called she was indicted on kidnapping charges. The judge actually smiled when is denied bail. Yes everyone is getting therapy. It is likely two years before Anna’s trial because of the motions and legal blah blah. So when we left the courthouse about an hour ago this ends this crazy 10day ride of Hurricane Anna. THank you to everyone for your support and advice. My family and I enjoyed your comments. While we thought joining Reddit to vent about Anna would be just for fun, we should have remembered this is Anna and nothing is fun around her. She can suck the joy from every experience. **Relevant Comments from OOP:** *I am so sorry this is happening to you. Kudos to you and your wife (and Ed and his wife) for having the forethought to call the school AND for telling Gwen about Anna's unstable-ness. Lets hope she gets many more years in jail and never sees you or your families again.Question: Are you parents finally able to see how sick Anna is or are they still in denial?* >**OP:** My parents have always seen problems. They paid for therapy for YEARS for Anna. Had her Evaluated for mental illness, punished her actions, called her out for misbehavior the list goes on. They have NEVER been in denial. They always expected Anna to suffer the consequences of her action and NEVER once have bailed Anna out. Even when she stole a candy bar at 11 she had to confess to the store owner and pay for it from her money. My parents are NOT the typical boomer parents who needed the commercial reminding them they had kids. They were super involved and did everything to get Anna help early and often. Anna just never learned. &#x200B; &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster. Once again, my apologies for the cutoff.**

Am I wrong for tell my 14F daughter the truth about her aunt?

CONCLUDED

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16hvuo8/am_i_wrong_for_tell_my_14f_daughter_the_truth/

16hy6h2

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Madhippy3 in r/rpghorrorstories** --- &nbsp; [**Got kicked from group for not being murder hobo-y enough**](https://www.reddit.com/r/rpghorrorstories/comments/bmv3jh/got_kicked_from_group_for_not_being_murder_hoboy/) - 10th of May, 2019. Up until tonight I was part of a DnD5e group that consisted of six people (including myself) which met on r/lfg and played via roll20. The DM A Chaotic Good Cleric of Valkur A Chaotic Neutral Changling Rogue A Neutral Good Wild Sorcerer My Neutral Good (homebrew) Phoenix Warlock and, a Lone Wolf, Ranger. ​ I had thought during the time I was in the group that my tension with the only characters was only in-character. No one ever approached me till a few days ago that my resistance to just going along with the murder hoboism was upsetting people out of character, and I only learned when the DM started messaging me that the others were complaining to him about me. To make a few things clear, at session 0 we never discussed this would be a murder hobo game, we emphasized this was a roleplay heavy group, and no rules against party conflicts. So until recently I didn't even know I was causing an incident. I tried to defend my actions over the last few days as just part of consistent roleplay and to compromise by offering to play a Chaotic Neutral Bard, but DM said he didn't want a new character he wanted me to change my current (now old) character. Also want to make clear even now I do not feel bitter towards the players and DM, only hurt. To explain how the tension started I need to go all the way back to our first session (for the record we have had 7 or 8 so far) and to the Ranger who I will bring up a lot over the course of this post (In fact over proof reading the post it is entirely about him). I really didn't think I had issues with any other PC or any of the players till a few days ago. There was little to not like about the other PCs in and out of character. A tall, dark and brooding stranger, a party girl, and a level headed sailor (Sorcerer, Rogue, and Cleric respectively). I'll go over my warlock when I think it is more relevant to the story. It started with the Ranger player's inspiration for the character as an emotionally broken war veteran who is quite literally a hobo. He got the idea from a book which if I could remember the name would save me a lot of time describing his behavior. Moving on without that his first action in the game is to insist the DM start his character in jail for vagrancy. Which meant to get the gang together we all had to somehow get arrested session 1. Once we met him it was pretty clear what kind of character he was going to be. Completely aloof and uncaring of the world around him. His second act as a character was to demand more pay from the employer who bailed us out of jail, and to wipe his dirty hands on the employers fine robes. All of this is not really bad, but I think it is worth bringing up because my self described "Paragon of Neutral Goodness" didn't take a liking to this character early on. There are a series of small incidents that I think was good roleplay by the Ranger's player and gave me opportunities to roleplay calling him out for being a jerk to everyone around him with the crowning achievement of the jerk meter was stealing a 1000 gold piece spy glass from out benefactor. But I am going to skip all those to cut to the chase. Two things stand out more than anything else to me. First was his voluntary absence from the group. Every time we had down time he never hung out with us as a party. If given the chance he left our "hub town" and went to a village about 2 days distance away. The rouge and I on multiple occasions tried our hardest to get the Ranger to participate in our group game, but he would actively brush off quests we tried to get him involved in. That is probably the only exception I have to the tension being all in-character. I thought others wanted to involve him so he didn't sit in silence for hours, but I was wrong on that count too. Second major incident, which started this whole affair was when the Ranger player decided it was in-character for his PC to set a warehouse we were investigating on fire in the middle of a crowded commercial district of our hub city. This lead to an out of control fire which I have dubbed that "San Francisco Fire of 1492" (the real fire happened in 1851 for those who would like to google it). End result of the fire was 12 innocent dead, and around 100 injured people. While the whole group was trying to put out the fire the Ranger decided he was going to flee the seen of the crime and that is where my last session with this group ended. Here I think it is a good place to quickly go over my own character to give perspective on what had come before and what was coming after. Short version is my Warlock was raised as a farm girl with dreams of learning magic and becoming like the heroes of legends the bards song about. My intent had always been for her to have a strong desire for justice regardless of law vs chaos. So when the Ranger did such a heinous thing as in the case of the fire that did so much damage and his flight, I thought it was only natural for not just a neutral good character but anyone with a moral compass to want to bring the Ranger to justice. This did not sit well with the group. They assumed I wanted to hunt the PC down. I didn't I wanted to continue the quest, but I got how they came to that conclusion and explained I only meant that my Warlock would attack if the Ranger returned. They didn't say it then, but apparently that was not good enough. Despite a lack of rules against PvP and even some light PvP from the Ranger during our sessions (he would punch people he was mad at. Attack rolls and everything) apparently I had crossed a line. I received a message for the DM on behalf of the party. I had made the other player uncomfortable with the way I was treating their characters (I never got an answer if the "I" referred to me as the player or me as the warlock). It was a shock to me. As stated before no one brought this to my attention during or between past sessions and I thought I was getting along with all the players out of game and all but one of the PCs in game. It was made clear to me that the DM was going to force friendliness and cooperation from all the players going forward. I argued that would break the consistency of the character I was playing and would be out of character for the whole party to welcome the Ranger back in as if nothing happened. It was raised to my attention however I was the only player not going along with the idea or welcoming an arsonist back into the group. I told him I wouldn't change my Warlock's morality to fit the groups "forgive and forget" attitude. I did, however offer to retire the "goody toe shoes" and make a bard who could forgive and forget. As stated above, this was not acceptable to him, and a day after my compromise I was let go from the group and blocked so I couldn't even say good bye (I swear I wasn't going to cuss them out or anything like that). ​ If you are still reading this thank you. I needed to vent and say how much it hurt to be so out of the loop of the group politics, informed to late to make things right, and let go so easily. If any of my old group are reading this, I want to repeat I am not mad, just hurt :( Edited to have flair. &nbsp; *8 hours later u/30milestoparis* [*commented under the post.*](https://www.reddit.com/r/rpghorrorstories/comments/bmv3jh/got_kicked_from_group_for_not_being_murder_hoboy/en0rpvs/) Hi! I'm the DM for this group, and I figure I'd clarify some things. -You were not kicked for being not murder hobo-y enough. I tried to reiterate this to you several times in our conversation, because you tried to spin it that way even in our direct messages. As you mentioned in your post, you made other players feel uncomfortable with several of your actions. * You would consistently interrupt me, even if I was just describing the environment. This would include describing the world in a different way than I just had. - You constantly questioned rulings, even if it had nothing to do with you. I have no problem, when I ask help with the rules, anyone letting me know what RAW states. However, the final decision was mine, and if you didn't like it, you let your feelings be known. - You would actually lay out what you thought was a better story in the middle of a session, while I was DMing. - You would roleplay as the other PCs at times when you felt that you had a better understanding of their character and how they would respond to a situation. - You roleplayed murdering and eating some of the other player characters. - You went on a fifteen minute monologue of how you leveled up. Twice. The party is Level 3. - You attempted to murder a prisoner that had surrendered when, as your mentioned, you are a NG Caretaker Warlock, all while the party's back was turned. That unsettled everyone. - Above all, you were rude and derisive to the other players. I have tried to tell you, this is now the fourth time now, that the issues with you had nothing to do with the the ranger. They had to do with your attitude and how you treated others at the table. You spent this post talking about the ranger and how he was the source of your problem, but I made it clear that it was you. I tried to warn you, give you the chance to apologize, and work to be better. Others wanted to immediately kick you, but I actually happen to like you quite a bit, despite the five page essay I received describing my "Poor DMing" and "Incomprehensible Story" long before this came to the breaking point. However, you took way too long to be conciliatory. When I mentioned these issues at first, that specifically pertain to your attitude, to you, you proceeded to lash out at me, the ranger, and even the rest of the party for how morally bankrupt and apathetic they are. This happened over the course of three days, in the midst of my graduation, my looking for graduate programs, getting a job, and moving. I cannot describe how hurtful and emotionally exhausting those messages were to me as a DM and as a person. I understand the need to elicit sympathy when you feel hurt, so perhaps I should not have posted this. But for the other people that will read this, I want them to understand how misleading posts on this subreddit can be when only one side tells the story. Like I said to you before, I wish you the very best in life and in your future D&D campaigns. I really, really do. I just hope that, in your future adventures, you consider the other players at the table and their feelings. Edited for formatting. &nbsp; *1 hour later u/420mathtime* [*commented under the post.*](https://www.reddit.com/r/rpghorrorstories/comments/bmv3jh/got_kicked_from_group_for_not_being_murder_hoboy/en19muz/) As the chaotic good cleric in this setting, I pretty much started this all off. I mentioned to two other players that the OP made me want to quit playing. It was a mix of both player actions: talking over other group members, constantly interrupting other players RP scenes that they weren't part of, trying to center the game around their character, taking it personally when other players didn't get along with their character; as well as character issue: In character monologue about killing the other players and eating one, talking about hiring an assassin to kill other players, constant monologues, wasn't nice to anyone in the game except the NPC's the character knew, major inconsistencies in the character, complete mary sue, attacked and nearly killed an unarmed person who surrendered. In character chat the OP mentioned getting the drop on and killing the rogue (this is prior to the scene mentioned in the initial post), while the rogue has been trying to be inclusive and nice to the player. I'll let the rogue address their issues if they desire, but the aftermath of most sessions involved the rogue and myself discussing something that the OP did at the "table" that really was either rude or hostile.. In the end, the vote to kick the OP was unanimous, and was actually unrelated to the majority of the comments above, instead focusing entirely on the level of disrespect shown the DM (OP sent the DM rants about their "poor dming") and that we didn't want to play with someone who showed no respect to the DM. &nbsp; *16 minutes later u/mervley* [*commented under the post.*](https://www.reddit.com/r/rpghorrorstories/comments/bmv3jh/got_kicked_from_group_for_not_being_murder_hoboy/en1bgzm/) The group’s changeling rogue here. I must say I absolutely love the title of your post. Cannot be further from the truth but I guess you are entitled to say whatever you want to say. If we are to talk about being a murder hobo, are we gonna ignore the fact that you sent death threats to my character? While I have not ever been mean to you in or out of the game? You said, in a chat that we considered canon, without indications saying that it’s a joke said that you should definitely get the drop on my character first and then kill them, because your character thought the whole group was conspiring against you. After the post session, in the voice chat, you said ‘next time I see the ranger, it’s gonna be pvp’. While we did not want pvp, at all. I explicitly said my rogue would not be willing to work with him anymore after this, but no, I did not wanna kill him. Ranger’s player understood where we were all coming from, and decided to make changes with the DM. Also you forget to mention all the backseat DMing you did, how interruptive you were to the other players (talking over them while you were not in the scene at all), how aggressive you were to the DM when this whole issue was brought up, telling me how to play my rogue on multiple occasions while I had not asked for your opinion, how you sent him a long unwanted essay on how to improve his DMing. This wasn’t about the fire or the game. A lot of players found you quite unpleasant to be around. I wanted all this issue to resolve amicably and I was the one who tried to convince the others two give you a second chance. I see that I was terribly wrong in that decision. &nbsp; *4 hours later u/Skaadoosh242* [*commented under the post.*](https://old.reddit.com/r/rpghorrorstories/comments/bmv3jh/got_kicked_from_group_for_not_being_murder_hoboy/en1srgp/) Hey! I am the Wild Sorcerer of the party! Let's start with the Ranger topic. There is no way that our characters are going to forgive about the whole fire hazard. We stated this in the after session. I did not like the fact that you decided to rip someone's character apart saying that he was ruining the whole group and telling us that there will be pvp when the ranger is seen next after we, as a group claimed no pvp that is not planned between characters. You also as a player claim to not be a fan of it as well. The OP's character was Neutral Good. You fail to mention the backseat DM-ing, which was one of the main reasons that we brought this up to the DM. I wanted you out as soon as i heard about a 5 page essay about how poor of a DM he was and how to improve. Criticism is one thing, but you should not tear someone apart like that. I think it was rude to send in the first place and to basically send it as if you have power over a DM in general astounds me. I want our DM to be able to have freedom and more power over us as players so he could feel free and be creative with the story. I still recall you attempting to kill the one npc who surrendered and proceeded to chase him out of the cave. I mean correct me if I am wrong, but I do not think that is neutral good. Of course not to mention the player character chat with you thinking my character is quite "chewy" and wanting to jump on our rogue in case she would kill you first. Lastly, I wish you luck with the next group that you join or run. There is no such thing as perfection nor should anyone be perfect. Yes, it was your attitude that set my decision in the case, but i just could not let go of the fact how you spoke in the after session and that there was even more backseat DM-ing than what we had experienced. Again, I wish you luck for any future groups for you. &nbsp; *For brevity and for the sake of ease of reading I am only going to include the the )OP's response to the original [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/rpghorrorstories/comments/bmv3jh/got_kicked_from_group_for_not_being_murder_hoboy/en1ewo0/) from the DM. They responded to each reply above however, these can be found in the replies of the above comments by sorting by controversial.* Here is my promised reply. I am sorry for the length but a whole lot of context is required for each point. To start off with a quick apology. It was irresponsible of me to not mention that I there were other complaints, but at the time they seemed irrelevant and here is why I mistakenly thought that. In my final few messages with Paris I had apologized for being a bad player and back seat DMing. I didn't agree with all of Paris's methods, but I acknowledged it was still shitty of me to undermine him like that and I promised to improve. I also didn't go over interruptions because both of use acknowledged that our connection via Discord was often crap and I would be talking because I couldn't heard him. I am honestly surprised Paris even brought up the interruptions when we had acknowledged the difficults we have been having over the Discord, and I was sure we had worked out the back seat DMing after all (paraphrasing here) he said to me in his final message that it was to late because the PLAYERS didn't want to play with me anymore so I didn't think that was part of the decision. If I was wrong I apologize to you Paris for making that jump to conclusions. I do have to argue that I never brought up how I thought it would be better run IN SESSION. It isn't in session when I send you messages via Discord about my concerns and voicing it aloud to group in our "Post Game" discussions. If you felt like in those discussions I was talking behind your back I am sorry, but you leave the call immediately after the session ends and we are on for an hour more BSing and giving our 2 cents on the session. I was by no means the only one either. You might want to ask the Rogue and Cleric about how they felt when you made the Rogue fail a 17 or 19 intimidation check against some warehouse guards, but the next night when the Ranger went to the same warehouse (different guards) you had him fool them with a laughable drunk act without a single Deception Check. You had better believe that was brought up last Sunday. I argue that I never roleplayed others characters. I'll admit I questioned why the Cleric was so "Meh" about his god, and I called out the Ranger in the "Post Game" for being a disruptive character his actions in the warehouse being a break from his character, but that hardly qualifies as "roleplaying as the other PCs". Next point is just silly. For context with everyone else, the Ranger's player made an "out of game roleplay" channel on the Discord Server. It was never used for weeks. Then we ended a session getting arrested (again) and I used it for some silliness as my character went made in the cell and thought the other PCs were out to get her. It wasn't roleplaying, it wasn't in the sessions, it wasn't serious for heavens sake I made an Oregon Trail joke about a character who didn't exist falling off a wagon and breaking his leg. Honestly, considering NOBODY talked to me for more than a week that they felt uncomfortable I don't know how you expected me to know I was alienating the group. As stated in my OP nobody talked to me about anything I did that made them uncomfortable. Poor communication kills and in this case it killed me. I didn't have a stop watch and I doubt you did either, but I would argue it was no longer than 5 minutes to describe how my character got the Eldritch Book. And yes it was twice, but that was your doing not mine. You were focusing on other characters and I just wanted to get it out of the way without interrupting so I posted what was happening to my character in the chat bar, which for the readers information is a practice we have been doing since the 2nd session of the game to take care of multiple narrations. Then YOU asked me to describe how I got the book so because this is a ROLEPLAY HEAVY group I RP'd it. "Attempted to murder a prisoner". I won't lie now I am annoyed, this is silly Paris. 1) He wasn't a prisoner he was a bandit/slaver hiding in a corner while we dealt with the boss. 2) I didn't try to kill him I called for the damage to be non-lethal which is something this game allows you to do. 3) In-character, I didn't know what side he was on when I entered the room. I was guarding the parties' back in a narrow tunnel 40 ft from the action with my attention away from what was in front of us. 4) Lastly none of the PCs saw that attack so why should they have concerned themselves with it? A non-lethal attack of one slaver couldn't possibly have been as traumatizing to the players as the time the Cleric dropped a 24 dmg 15ft^2 thunder wave in the middle of the commercial district of the city, killing 6 guards just doing their jobs. If I am wrong about that I BEG the other redditors to tell me so. My post to you with my concerns about the stat of the game wasn't "five pages". It was somewhere between 2000 and 4000 characters. I know because Discord made me split it up into 2 parts. I told you I was upset that you made me wait FOUR HOURS to even be addressed in our session, I stated my concern that you made the game to easy with gold and magic items we didn't deserve, and that I was mad that you compelled me to go to to a place I DID NOT want to go in the session and didn't treat any of the other characters that way. And I might have called your story "incomprehensible" I do not remember that, but you fail to tell the other redditors why I would have said that. You added a new plot hook every session before we were done with our our last. It got to the point I had to make a list of different plot hooks you were dangling in front of us. And yes, the group's "Post Game" discussed this too. We discussed the magic circle we spent an hour going circles around, we discussed whether or not you were hinting at us to go to Waterdeep, we discussed how 4 Gru stars became 5, and we discussed how underwhelming the scene at the ducal court was. I hope the players are talking to you about these things, because I was FAR from alone. I said in that same message that I thought your story was great, but I wanted to see it be more organized. I am sorry I didn't get that across to you correctly. ​ Now the crux of the matter. I vehemently deny I was rude to ANY of the players. I wasn't rude to any of the PCs besides the Ranger who IRL would be a sociopath and needing institutionalization. This is blatantly false Paris and I refuse to let you try to turn this around on me. That antamosity didn't carry over into IRL as I had a wonderful conversation with the Ranger's player during the "Post Show" of my second to last session long after the other players had logged off. Sharing life stories and the books we liked to read. I genuinely thought and despite everything think the man is awesome for what he has done with his life, and how he overcame all the shit life put him through. I told him in no uncertain terms that I thought respected him and thought he was a better person that I was. I had an issue with his character that is it. As I stated to you in our messages I think the Ranger is an inspired character idea, but one that could never work in a group based game. The Ranger wasn't the problem to the rest of the group because everyone else was murder hobo-y enough to let his antics go without raising an eyebrow. I thought this was a roleplay heavy group and didn't think my PCs spats with the Ranger where any worse than when he would punch the Sorcerer for being a proactive character. This was about the Ranger because the relationship between my Warlock and the Ranger was the point of contention. You asked me to stop roleplaying my character to play nice to one PC, not 2 or 3 or 5, ONE PC. I told you that was unacceptable, but I would make a Bard that could be less uptight, but you didn't let me. You cannot pretend that the plea for everyone to get along and cooperate in-character wasn't about my interactions with the Ranger everytime we were in the same room. I am sorry I made them uncomfortable. I am sorry I couldn't say my peace before I was kicked from the Discord and Roll20; I only wanted to say to the group how I was hurt by their actions and I wished they had communicated with me, I am sorry that you had to find this here; but I had no where else to vent, I am sorry to the redditors that I failed to provide useful information; if you change your mind I understand. But I also want reddit to know I am NOT sorry for this message. It is the truth from my perspective, which is limited by the fact NO ONE talked to me and I only heard this through 1 person. For me the problem was and forever will be a lack of communication that I was hurting people. Paris you say everyone talked bad about me to you. I was kicked by the group because people didn't talk to me before it was too late, and I posted this here because the group blocked me before I could wish them well. I was hurt, thats why it is in r/rpghorrorstories and not just a goodbye letter on r/RPG. Edit 1: Accidentally hit "send" to soon. Edit 2: I just thought about what I will miss the most. The Rogues art. She was INCREDIBLE, and it doesn't seem appropriate for me mention who she is, but if Paris gets her permission I think he should give her a shout out. Its amazing stuff. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Got kicked from group for not being murder hobo-y enough

CONCLUDED

Bi_Shakespeare

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16hy6h2/got_kicked_from_group_for_not_being_murder_hoboy/

16i84yc

**I am not the OP. Original post is by** u/RockFluffy7995 **in** r/TrueOffMyChest TW: >!Death!< Mood Spoiler: >!Positive outcome!< *Editor's Note: OOP used acronyms to name the people in this story, but I've gone ahead and added names instead ("B" became "Beth" and so on), since I find that much easier to read.* \~\~\~ [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/xs8dhd/my_daughters_grandparents_want_custody/) \- Sept. 30, 2022 **My daughter’s grandparents want custody** For a little backstory, I (31M) met Beth (30F) when we were in middle school. We became quick friends and saw each other every day. We did everything together and made a pact to always help each other. Like she would help me talk to girls and I made sure she was safe at bars. She was the kindest person I knew and was my person. When we were in college, Beth got pregnant with Jenny (7F) from her boyfriend at the time. She was excited at first, but her parents and the father were against her having the baby. Beth stood firm that she wanted to keep it. Because of this, Jenny’s father left her saying he wasn’t ready to be a father and never came back and her parents threw her out and told her to not come back. It was a very hard time but I told her I'd never leave her, so we moved in together and we decided to do it together like everything else we did. The day Jenny was born was probably the best day of my life. I’ll never forget the first time I saw that girl’s eyes and, even though she wasn’t mine, I felt like I was hers. I was her uncle until she started calling me “dad”, which we took as a joke. But we really never stopped her. Our little family was unconventional, but it was ours. Two months ago Beth was killed in a car accident. It was the worst day of my life. Beth and I were never together, but she was my soulmate, my better half, my everything. She was the best mother and person I've ever known. I still can’t completely describe the way I feel. Immediately, I became Jenny’s legal guardian. It’s been hard to adjust to it just being me, and I am so lost but want to do my best for Jenny. Which brings me to last night, when Beth’s parents showed up at my door wanting to see Jenny. They want to be part of Jenny’s life and regret what they did to Beth, which I completely understand. But last night they told me that they think it’s best if they take legal custody of Jenny because they’re “real family.” They hadn’t been involved in Jenny’s life AT ALL before then and only met her for the first time at Beth’s funeral. I didn’t know what to say and told them to leave, which made them angry and they told me they want to keep talking about it or they’ll take me to court. I’ve been so anxious all night and I can’t sleep. I’ve been googling to see if it’s possible for them to even take her just like that. She’s my baby and I’m the family she’s always known. Beth and I never really talked about the legality of my role, because I was just her dad plain and simple. But maybe we should have. I don’t know who to turn to or what to do. I never thought I’d do any of this alone. I’m just scared and I miss Beth so much. \~\~\~ [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/16b525h/update_my_daughters_grandparents_want_custody/) \- Sept. 5, 2023 **UPDATE - My daughter’s grandparents want custody** I’m sorry it’s been so long and that I never updated. After I posted that thread last year, I read the comments, made my notes, and frankly I just forgot about it. I intended to come back and update but I didn’t feel like there was enough to say, and then it slipped my mind. I had more important things to do, helping my daughter adjust and just trying to stay sane. But after the anniversary of Beth’s death (along with the news I’m sharing below) i remembered and felt really bad. So I’m sorry for not coming back. Before I give my update, I wanted to clear some things up. \-We don’t live in the continental United States. \-Beth’s parents (let’s call them Mary and Larry) are really devout Catholics and couldn’t stand that she “had relations outside of a marriage” and especially since Jenny’s dad took himself out of the equation. That’s why they kicked Beth out. \-I have been coparenting Jenny for her whole life and contributed 50% of everything. I am committed to give that girl a good life. \-My parents have always been supportive and have been pivotal in this whole ordeal. They saw Beth as a daughter and see Jenny as a granddaughter. It’s nice to have them. \-I had always been labeled as a caregiver in her school records. \-I held her when she was born. Birthdays, her little kindergarten graduation, her first trip to Disney—I have pictures of it all. There are none with Mary or Larry in them. Beth purposefully threw away everything she had of them, not that she had much to begin with. \-I had been dating someone at the time when everything started but I realized I didn’t have the emotional bandwidth to be good to her, and I needed to prove stability in my home life. She understood and we ended things respectfully. We may reconnect some day. But my love life is not my priority. \-I talked with Jenny about the situation and, from the start, she understood what they are to her. It broke my heart to hear her say, “why would they do that to mommy?” \-Jenny and me are in therapy right now. While I am not 100%, I know that I have to be strong for Jenny. But here’s the update: After reading your comments, I did exactly like some of you said. I talked with her school and told them what was happening. I’ve known the staff there for years (My mom is a school counselor) and they were so good about Beth’s death. Anyway, I told them that I, and only I, was allowed to pick her up from school. Thankfully the grandparents never tried anything like taking her. They have not been allowed to spend time with or around her. And that was on Jenny’s request. I respect her wants. They did send her Christmas and Birthday presents, but I hid them. I didn’t know if accepting something from them would hurt this situation. I haven’t given them to her yet. It’s been so long I’m not sure I will at this point. After my post, I talked with some lawyers around the city, honestly I spent a lot of money on this, but it was way worth it. Beth had a Will and requested for Jenny to be cared for by me upon her death. She never told me this and I still don’t exactly understand it; but it was a really really happy surprise. My lawyer honored that and helped me—I took a loan out but the debt is worth it. I compiled everything I could. Pictures, permission slips, stupid school mail, everything. Grandparents tried to fight me the whole way through, calling social services and talking to all of my neighbors, trying to find anything possible to prove I was a bad father. It was brutal and messed up, I don’t think I’ll ever recover for the past year. I could deal with the attacks on my character and them scrutinizing everything I’ve ever done as if Mary and Larry have always cared. However, in April once Jenny came into the conversation and was asked awful questions about me, I couldn’t help but double down. Part of me is embarrassed and ashamed that I begged. At the meeting, after Jenny was take out of the room, all I could do was cry. I said something like, “please, I beg of you. Think about Jenny here. Take you and me out of the equation. Take what you did to Beth out of the equation. Jenny does not deserve this. Think about her. Please. If you want to make it up to Beth, as you say, think about what’s best for Jenny. I’ve loved her for her whole life. I’ve been there. I’ve held her. She is everything to me. I know you have regret. Be good now. Love Beth now. Respect her wishes. Please.” The next part is probably anticlimactic, but dear reader, can you believe that it worked? Larry looked down at his hands in what I can only describe as shame and asked to speak with the lawyer privately. When I came back. Larry admitted that they had made a mistake all those years ago and it wasn’t until Beth’s death that he realized it. He was tired of fighting. Mary didn’t seem too happy, but they dropped everything. Since then, we’ve had no contact. I guess guilt runs deep. But onto the good news! Last month it became official, I am now legally Jenny’s father (I had been working on the adoption since Christmas). I can’t begin to describe how happy this makes me. Jenny has been getting better and is slowly getting back to her usual bright self. But I can see moments when she shuts down, like sadness washing over her. That worries me, but we’re working with a therapist on this. I still miss Beth and I will miss her every day of my life. All I can do to honor her is to make sure Jenny has a home and is loved beyond measure. I will tell Jenny about her mom and how every time she smiles, I see her. Thank you for all of the messages and the comments—I am sorry I did not respond to them before. Thank you for your support and your faith in me. It means a lot to be supported, even if by some people in the void of the internet. Edit: Thank you for your comments below. I’m going to try to respond to them this time. \~\~\~ *Marked as concluded, since OOP officially has custody now!* **Reminder - I am NOT the original poster. Don't forget that commenting on the original posts is not allowed.**

My daughter’s grandparents want custody

CONCLUDED

SJDude13

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16i84yc/my_daughters_grandparents_want_custody/

16i87j7

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/happiest_whileeating **I found out I have stage 3 cancer** **Originally posted to** r/TrueOffMyChest **MOOD SPOILER:** >!Good outlook for OOP!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/CUNaW8j8J6)  **Feb 18, 2023** It's shit. I'm only 14, the type I have is hodgkins lymphoma. I will need 12 rounds of chemo and to tell I'm devastated is an understatement. I found out I have cancer, a couple of days ago and was praying it wouldn't be advanced, but look here we are. My life was going so well, I was doing amazing in my sport but I can't do it for atleast the next six months. And then the lack of practice will be so hard to get back to my current standard when I can go back. The reason I went to the doctor was because of lumps, barely visible but there on my neck. I had other symptoms but didn't connect it at the time. This is such a punch in the gut. Literally will miss so much school. I don't really like school but falling behind is the worst. I waited months to get the lumps checked and naturally it spread. I'm fortunate lymphoma is an easily treatable cancer, but my journey will still be hard. Yes I'm heartbroken but I will get through this. Sorry for the post needed to vent. Take this as a sign to get your lumps checked ASAP <33333 Edit: I didn't know straight away. Doctor sent me to er to get an ultrasound and loads more tests than 2 weeks later I found out I had cancer [Update 1](https://reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/tEEi1wQAke)  **March 2, 2023** Hello everyone, if you didn't see my original post it is still on my account but for brief context here just around 2 weeks ago I was diagnosed with stage 3 Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I am also 14! So wanted to say thank you to everyone who messaged and left such nice comment's. I'm so sorry I couldn't respond to everyone but I did read all your comments and took advice. So some people wanted updates so here is the first one. Life has been as normal as it can get really, still trying to go to as much school as I can, got my first pic line in ( is that how it's spelt?!?!) And all that jazz hahaha. But tomorrow I am starting chemo and am super nervous but my mam took the day off work, bought me some of my favorite sweets and bought me a new blanket to bring. I have a bag packed with this blanket, slippers and a few other little bits <3 I'm bringing my bear teddy, I've had for years and he is literally an icon in my household. I'm doing as well as it gets but it's going okay. I'm still in shock but I've learned to accept it and am content with it. I'll update throughout my journey, not every part but the important ones. Love you all<3 [Update 2](https://reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/ykedpaKWqE)  **June 16, 2023** Hey everyone! I thought I was give you all a little update as to how I'm doing as it's been 3 months since my last post :D Life has been brutal to say the least, my family have been so helpful in the past couple months and I'm so grateful! I lost my hair but shaved it during my 3rd cycle as I just couldn't even brush through the little i had left and wanted to put some control in the entire thing. I'm currently on cycle 7/12 so I'm nearly there last the half way line. The side effects hit me a lot worse than what I honestly thought, I've been so fatigued and have loss the nerves in my hand which was really weird, I have gained about 3 stone due to chemo, lost every piece of hair I have(really miss my eyelashes), have been so nauseous and much more. I'm pulling through and have been doing well overall. I haven't been doing any sports which sucks but instead I'm painting in my free time. I'm on my summer holidays so I don't need to worry about school for 3 months which is nice. All the teachers and staff have been so nice and understanding for those few days I did go in. Sadly wasn't many. I've been in and out of hospital which sucks, i might as well live there lol. Luckily the cancer has responded well to treatment, so even though I'm not going to be cancer free for another little while I'm on the right track and I'll be fine! Thank you for everything<333 Edit: forgot to say, i have stage 3 Hodgkin's lymphoma [Update 3](https://reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/XsEKAiDbvJ) **Sept 7, 2023** Hello, In case you haven't seen my posts, I was diagnosed with stage 3 Hodgkin's lymphoma in early February. These few months have been brutal but I knew I could do it and I did! I'm excited that my hair will slowly but surely grow back. It's such a surreal feeling and it's still scary as it's early remission days but I'm confident it won't be coming back. I can finally and hopefully have a more normal life again ( with a lot less hospital visits ). Plus my birthday is in 2 weeks and I can't wait!! Tomorrow I ring the bell and literally going to let the whole world know I'm okay. Thank you for the people who sent me messages and wrote lovely comments. You all helped me keep going during the hard times. I love you all 💓 **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I found out I have stage 3 cancer

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16i87j7/i_found_out_i_have_stage_3_cancer/

16i8knt

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/IMighthavefuckedup97](https://www.reddit.com/user/IMighthavefuckedup97/). He posted in r/AITAH and his own page. **Mood Spoiler:** >!suspicious af but also bizarre!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16bc3j1/aita_for_telling_my_best_friend_why_i_wasnt/)**: September 6, 2023** I might have fucked up. Me (32M) and my best friend Alex (32M) have been friends since diapers, we're basically family. After college we both moved back home so we could live at home and get our feet underneath us. Alex started dating Stella (35F), a lovely girl, around 4.5 years ago, and from the get go she seemed to politely dislike me, idk why, oh well c'est la vie. Alex and Stella moved across the country in 2021 after Stella earned a promotion at work, In 2022 Alex proposed, she said yes, and they set a wedding date for the end of September 2023. I got a save the date card at the beginning of the year, and based on the conversations I had with Alex assumed I would be in the wedding party, either as a groomsman or the best man, but never received any official confirmation from either of them. Couple months before the wedding I saw that wedding invitations had gone out on social media, and figured mine was on route. It never came. I waited a couple weeks, figured it might have just gotten lost in the mail, before I checked in with him. I called Alex and had a brief conversation with him where he was clearly agitated and said he was dealing with a lot, would be incommunicado for the near future, to direct any wedding related questions to Stella, and he'd called me when things cooled off. I called, texted, and emailed Stella several times over the course of a week but she didn't respond to any of them. At this point I figured I wouldn't be attending the wedding, and that things were really fucked up for some reason between the two of us. Yesterday, a little over three weeks after our last conversation, Alex dm'd asking if I was free to chat. I jumped at the opportunity to get some answers, and after exchanging pleasantries Alex jumped right into a spiel saying that he knew I was super busy with work and dealing with a lot of personal stuff but he'd love it if it could attend his wedding, even just as a guest, and wanted to know if there was anything he could do to help make that happen. I just blurted out that I's love to but hadn't received an invitation. Alex stared blankly at me and said "what?", and i just kinda verbal vomited out that I hadn't received an invitation, that was the reason I'd called him a few weeks ago, that I'd contacted Stella about it but she never got back too me and left me on read, and that I had not idea what he was talking about me dealing with too much to be involved in the wedding. After a very pregnant pause, he said he needed to go sort things out, and that he'd call me when it was done. My phones blowing tf up since with wedding attendees asking me wtf happened and why the wedding might be off now. My girlfriend has reaffirmed to me that I did nothing wrong, but I've had people from all sides saying I stuck my nose where it didn't belong, and caused a stink, which is really fucking with my head. AITA? EDIT: after he dmed me we switch to video chat, meant to include that whoops EDIT2: I may not be able to respond to everyone's response but i have read them all an appreciate each and every one of them, my girlfriend is also having way too much with this and is kindly giving me shit for doubting myself ***Relevant Comments:*** *Why didn't you ask any of your other friends if they knew what was going on?* "I asked a couple who i knew could be trusted to keep it on the DL who were both surprised i hadnt gotten an invite and encouraged me to talk to Stella I've had some bad experiences in the past where shit interpersonal drama was happening, i reached out to people looking for answers and it made it 10x worse, i tend to just shell up and wait nowadays" *Is there any reason she might think you were a bad influence if you've known him since diapers?* "Its possible, Alex was raised kinda sheltered and i wasn't, i think we only got in trouble one time in HS, not like she has much room to judge though, AFAIK her HS experience was pretty bog standard, in college we all got into some shit as most people do" *Extra info on Stella:* "Funny part is everyone loves Stella except me and another guy in the group whose autistic EDIT: I just want to clarify something, i did not mean autistic as a pejorative, because of his neurodivergence he has a completely different perspective, one i find incredibly valuable" "yeah kinda, shes really good at doing that fake polite thing, especially too me, everyone else eats it up, he doesn't, but has learned over the years not to say anything" *Are you gay?* "NGL i expected this question way sooner, but no, i'm not gay, or queer, not that there anything wrong with that" *Possible biases she might have:* "ethnicity, no socioeconomic, kinda? religions, kinda, im agnostic, so's Alex, Stellas a non practicing Christian different school? no we all went to 4 year university, bathing? lmao no thats nasty controlling behavior? none that i know of past info? not that i can think of, Alex was raised fairly kinda sheltered and religious, me and Stella had more traditional HS experiences, college was more or less the same for all of us" *There must be missing info here:* "I dont disagree, i feel like Im missing a lot of pieces of the puzzle, but Alex delegating to Stella is pretty normal, he gets overwhelmed easily in high pressure situations and tends to defer and shes much more an "alpha" personality, thats one of things he loves about her The weddings might be getting called off AFIAK because she lied to him, people are mad i "exposed" this instead of going along with her story. The weddings massive, this isn't some small personal affair with 25 people" *Why tf would you think you're the asshole?* "a. when youve got a bunch of people spamming your phone it makes you question whether you were in the right or not b. I didnt want to cause a bunch of drama and make shit worse for what i though was an honest mistake at first, blowing a whole friend group when the person youre "going against" is way better liked than you is a dangerous choice, also a lot of those people just assumed i was invited c. Alex is pretty easily overhwelmed and tends to defer, one of the reasons he loves Stella is shes a go getter who will handle stuff for him, IDK why he didn't or why he had to go incommunicado though, guess ill find out soo i hope" **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16cwkhf/update_aita_for_telling_my_best_friend_why_i/)**: September 7, 2023 (Next Day)** Alex and i texted Tuesday night/Wednesday morning, he said he was handling stuff and asked if id be free too talk Thursday afternoon with him and Stella, which i agreed to. This is just a rough summary, and I probably forgot some stuff, frankly I'm too mentally fried to weave a narrative rn so its just gonna be bulletpoints. a couple of pieces of info about Alex to provide some context \-Alex was raised fairly sheltered and religious until he was 18, when he went to college and opened, as a result he still has some, idk, blindspots about certain things \-Alex has mild to moderate OCD, its managed with low levels of medication and maintenance therapy, which is one of the reasons he gets overwhelmed easily, especially from unexpected stressors, and weddings are chock full of those. Now for the actual update: \-**The wedding**, it's still happening, I will be the best man, and I've been read in on all the shit i need to do. The person who was filling in for me, Matthew (34M), one of mine and Alex's good friends whose also neurodivergent is thrilled to not have "spend the day peopleing".and can instead. "party his ass off". As a result of this clusterfuck Alex/Stella/whoever parents are paying for the wedding will be comping me+gf's plane tickets and hotel stay and my best man tux \-**What was the main driver of this mess in the first place?** Stella's pregnant, yay....... they found out a couple days after the wedding invites got sent out, apparently they were passively trying, then actively trying in 2022, but stopped and swapped back to heavy BC once the save dates went out because Stella did not want to be pregnant on her wedding day. This led to several changes to the wedding, threw a bunch of other planning into disarray, sent Alex into an OCD hole for a couple weeks which is why he was agitated when I called him and why he needed tome to get his head around it all and get the intrusive thoughts managed, and one of the reasons why Stella ignored/missed my messages/calls. \-**Why did Stella not respond to my messages?** Besides surprise pregnancy, Stella said that shes on her phone for work a ton, and gets hundreds, if not thousand of emails/text/calls per day, she misses some stuff, especially since she didn't have my contact info saved (lol), I also emailed her work email instead of personal email which i don't have, and my own personal email handle is not my name. In future I was told to be more insistent in my communication with her to breakthrough her everyday noise, duly noted. \-**What happened to my invite?** Stella claims that she sent me one but must have sent it to my old address, i did move in March to my current residence and the save the dates were sent out in January \-**What did Stella tell Alex about me not being in the wedding?** Apparently nothing, according to Stella he either 1) believed one of his intrusive thoughts was real when he was he was in his OCD hole, 2) he got confused when she told him one of her cousins with a similar sounding name to mine wouldnt be attending, or 3) some combination thereof. According to Stella she always wanted me in the wedding. \-**Why did Stella not contact me after I didn't RSVP back?**. She assumed there was something going with me and Alex and that we'd sort it out and he'd tell her, in the meantime she was busy with work, wedding planning, and unexpected baby \-**How did a bunch of wedding guests find out about this mess?** Alex called his mom for advice after our convo, mom had church friends over, church ladies overheard a good chunk of their convo, church ladies are gossipy fucks. Alex has spent a decent chunk of time the last couple days putting out fires so to speak After about am hour Stella left to go deal with some wedding stuff and me and Alex chatted about shit for a couple hours. Do I believe Stellas explanations? kinda, the babies real AFAIK, confirmed by medical professional, she does have a cousin i know she's close with who has a similar sounding name too me, and she does work from her phone a lot, but the rest of it just seems a little too convenient, and I feel like I'm left with more questions than answers. Good news is since I'm in the wedding I should have great access to figure out wtf is going on, I hope. TLDR: Wedding still on, surprise baby messed everyone up ***Relevant Comments:*** *I don't believe Stella at all:* "neither do i, it should be a mildly entertaining mess based on the guest list" *Checking with Alex:* "After she left i asked him he was sure he wanted to do this and that id support him no matter what, he said yes to he seems committed, ive generally found when people are this determined to see something through any action taken to get them of course will fuck up your relationship just as much at itll fuck their determination, better to just be there, be supportive, and be ready for the mess" *OOP's theory on what really happened:* "She intended to wait and see how long she could delay my invite until Alex noticed, the pregnancy situation gave her a good crisis to take advantage of and she did, she hoped hed be stuck in his OCD hole until the wedding ended, thats the rough version anyhow" *Examples of why you think she doesn't like you?* "i dont think shes ever given me a real smile, its all dead eyed fake ones body language is usually defensive around me, lotta crossed arms, hunched shoulders she makes a lot i subtle snide remarks, IE i got him an 100 dollar bottle of Japanese whiskey a few years ago, she mentioned how it would look great on the bottom shelf" *Why you weren't best man in the first place:* "Alex treated me like the best man in the first place, his OCD kept him from making it official because he couldnt the "right" time according to him"

AITA the for telling my best friend why I wouldn't be attending his wedding?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16i8knt/aita_the_for_telling_my_best_friend_why_i_wouldnt/

16ic8ij

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/ThrowRA8124 **in** r/relationship_advice &#x200B; trigger warnings: >!threat of cancer!< mood spoilers: >!definitely positive!< &#x200B; [**I (32f) and struggling to come to terms with my (34m) fiancés decision**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15ok4ju/i_32f_and_struggling_to_come_to_terms_with_my_34m/?share_id=M30-xIYDAj_D_SljRi3ec&utm_content=1&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) **- 11th August 2023** My fiancé and I have been together for a couple of years now. When we first started seeing each other, we were both on the same page as far as goals for a relationship. We both wanted a child, and to get married. Everything has been great, I adore him, and I know he loves me as well. I have never had such a great relationship. Recently I’ve been faced with some medical issues that have left us with the choice to have a child now, or never have one at all. This was very hard to come to terms with, but I know that I would rather try now then risk never having one. He, on the other hand, said he wasn’t ready. He explained to me why he isn’t. Hes worried about finances, he’s worried about our relationship failing because of stress, every worry he has is completely valid and I don’t fault him one bit. He himself has cried to me over this decision and has expressed how sorry he is that he can’t commit to this right now. I’m absolutely devastated that he doesn’t want to go for it. And I’m stuck between assuring him that his fears are valid and also being upset at him. And I hate that I’m upset with him. I’m having a hard time being intimate with him right now, I’m holding so much sadness. How do I move forward in our relationship in a healthy way?   **OOP on her medical issue from the comments:** I had high grade pre-cancerous cells found on my cervix. They recently removed them, however my margins were not clear and they found endocervical involvement on the tissue they removed. From what has been explained to me by my doctor, it is very likely to return and I will need to go do this again. They removed quite a lot of my cervix during my last procedure, and I’m left with enough to have a healthy pregnancy, but once they do it again, that won’t be the case anymore. Cervical cancer is slow to progress, so the prognosis is as far as that is concerned isn’t bad. They are monitoring closely to make sure it doesn’t get to that point. He has been heavily involved and understands all of my medical issues. He has been a great support. He isn’t worried about me not being there, as far as that. Or if he has, he hasn’t let on to me. He HAS expressed that he is worried I’ll wake up one day and decide I don’t want to be with him anymore, and that was one of his worries as far as trying for a baby goes. But I don’t understand that one. I have never given him any indication that I want anything but him. And I can’t figure out why he is concerned of me doing that. But I also don’t want to dismiss that fear either. I have decided already to have a hysterectomy. I just really wanted to try for a baby first. Like you, I dont trust that the cells won’t spread slowly, but I was reassured I would be ok if we wanted to go for it first. I progressed quickly (within a year) from a normal pap to CIN3, which as far as I can tell, a pretty quick progression. Now that this decision has been made, I think I need to just go to my doctor and request I have the hysterectomy &#x200B; **Comments** *This is tricky as if you choose to accept his decision then you potentially lose ever have children. Will you grow to resent him? Can you handle that? It’s time to ask yourself if your desire to try for a baby is a hardline.* >You’re right. I need to really sit with myself and decide what is my hardline. I don’t want to resent him. I very much love every aspect of our relationship. And it kills me to see HIM so upset about his own decision on the matter. &#x200B; *Nobody is ever ready for a child. You adapt. That's the main point of the human race adaptable to the situation. You cannot predict the future. You over come challenges.* >Well we’re not NOT financially ready. We both have good paying jobs and great health insurance, we own our house with a great mortgage rate. A child is something we can absolutely afford. But kids are expensive, I can’t blame him for being hesitant because of the financial impact. &#x200B; [**I (32f) am struggling to come to terms with my (34m) finance’s decision (UPDATE)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1674m1t/i_32f_am_struggling_to_come_to_terms_with_my_34m/) **- 1st September 2023** Well, I’m pregnant. We’re both in shock honestly. After I posted the OP, we had another discussion and he told me “*the right decision shouldn’t hurt this much*”, indicating that he was upset with his decision not to try for a baby when we had the chance. About two days later, I noticed something felt off with my IUD. I scheduled an appointment and my doctor took a look and said “*well that’s not where it should be*”. So for at least a couple weeks my iud was not offering any protection against pregnancy…and whelp, we unintentionally got pregnant during that time. However, it’s all ok. After I had my IUD removed because of its misplacement, he told me he didn’t want me to get back on birth control. So while it was unintentional to get pregnant, it’s not unwelcome from either of us. He was ready to try, and although it’s much sooner than either of us thought, we are optimistic about the serendipitous turn of events.   **Comments** *Is the pregnancy viable? I'm a bit confused you said he doesn't want you to go back on birth control, but if you're pregnant then you wouldn't be going back on it?* >Yes, it’s viable. Maybe I did not write out how the events happened in a coherent way. My iud felt out of place. I made a doctors appointment the next day to get it checked and the doc confirmed it had fallen from my uterus. We were unprotected from pregnancy during the time it was misplaced, and I happened to be in my fertile window while this had happened. &#x200B; >My iud had to be removed. My fiancé and I talked and he said he did not want me on birth control anymore anyways, so I did not get my IUD replaced. So moving forward from this appointment, we were not going to be actively preventing pregnancy. &#x200B; >But as it turned out I had gotten pregnant while my IUD was in, but not in my uterus. We were both not expecting that, we obviously knew there was a chance of it because my iud was not where it should have been, but it was still not planned and took us by surprise. We are happy with the surprise though. > >It was about a two week window of getting my iud removed and finding out I was pregnant.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Its now or never for me to have kids and my financé told me he's not ready and I'm devastated by his descision

CONCLUDED

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16ic8ij/its_now_or_never_for_me_to_have_kids_and_my/

16id3cf

This is the continuation and final update to "[OP doesn't undeerstand why her fiance suddenly becomes best buddies with her cheating ex and threatens to break up, then her ex comes forward with a shocking truth](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/upbct4/op_doesnt_undeerstand_why_her_fiance_suddenly/)." I am not OP. OP is u/Nightlessnights and her [initial post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uom88t/aita_for_telling_my_bf_i_wont_marry_him_if_he/) was on AITA. Trigger Words/Warning: >!Cheating, Physical Aggression, Lying/Manipulation!< Mood Spoilers: >!Sadness, Betrayal!< [AITA for telling my bf I won't marry him if he keeps his friendship with my ex??](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uom88t/aita_for_telling_my_bf_i_wont_marry_him_if_he/) \- Fri May 13, 2022, 3:23AM, EST Throwaway. Fake names So my bf Dylan and I have been dating for almost 5 years, and he proposed 9 months ago. We've known each other since high school, however, at the time we were only friends since I was dating my ex, Jason. Long story short, he cheated multiple times and we broke off. That's when I went to college, where I started dating Dylan They only knew each other from high school but never had an actual friendship. Well, Dylan decided to host a party in order to celebrate our engagement, and one of his friends brought Jason. And surprise surprise they became friends. Now they text every day, go out on the weekends, or even have dinner together constantly. At first, I didn't think too much of it, but now I am uncomfortable. I talked about this with Dylan after he came back home from work. I established that his friendship with Jason is concerning to me and how he spends more time with him, but told me I was exaggerating. We kinda had an argument about how Jason cheated and lied to me for years and how could he be ok with that, he said that people can change and that he didn't mean it, blah, blah, blah. We didn't talk much after that, but then he apologized and told me he'll take me to dinner at my favorite restaurant the next day in order to compensate for the time, we haven't had these weeks. I was really excited, I even went to get my hair done and bought a really pretty dress that afternoon. We'd see each other at the restaurant since he "can't get out of work earlier". Well, an hour passed and there was no sign of him. I started to get worried and called him repeatedly. Then he arrived, looking terrible. He was drunk and even smell like cigarettes. I asked him where he was at and tried to avoid the question, I asked him again and his guilty face told me everything. He was with Jason. I was livid and left the restaurant. We had an argument outside and he confessed that he'd promised Jason to go with him to visit this new bar at his house and didn't want to fail him. But I said it seemed he cared more about him than us, that he should get married to him if he is that important. He said he was the only one who understands him, not like me. I exploited and told him that if he doesn't cut him off then I won't marry him. He started crying and called me an AH for putting him in that position, then he left. Now his mom and sister are calling me also the AH, and manipulative of his life. I am at my sister's house but I really don't know if what I did makes me the AH or not. (OP added the following edit to the actual post (so no timestamp) about a couple of hours after the original post.) Edit: Jason called me, he asked me if we could see each other to talk about something. He didn't disclose what it was but he said it was important. Top Comment (before OP's update in the comments): NTA please don't marry him, he has already shown that you are second in his life to your ex. That's incredible, he should be caring about how you feel not your ex. Please break up with him and find someone who will truly care about you. You are worth more than that. ([OP added the following update in the comments](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uom88t/aita_for_telling_my_bf_i_wont_marry_him_if_he/i8jjrzh/?context=3), Sat, May 14, 2022, 12:47AM, EST, about 21 1/2 hours after the original post.) I wasn't sure If I could actually write an update, I'm not fine, this has been so much, but you all pretty much wanted to know if I was ok, and thank u to those who sent supportive messages. I really appreciate it. So for the update. We went to a coffee shop near my house and we talked. He said that he was sorry for what Dylan did and that if he had known Dylan had a plan with me already, he'd have canceled immediately. Because he cares for me, and that he was sorry for our past issues, that he has changed, and he's a better man now. I went straight to the point and asked him what he wanted. He continued by saying that he only was telling me this because he cares and wants me to be happy. The thing is that Dylan is gay, not bi, GAY. Jason has known since high school because he cheated on me with Dylan. I knew Jason was a cheater because someone sent me pics of him kissing other girls, but I never saw him with a guy, so I didn't know he was bi. He said it was just a fling, and cut contact with him after it and for a long time. Then Dylan reached out to invite him to a party (yes, our engagement party). Where he cheated on me with Jason again. We didn't live together at the time so when I thought he was in his house, he was actually banging him. Jason "realized" what they did was wrong, and that he didn't want me to be with an AH like Dylan. So he flirted with Dylan in order to make him leave me so I could find someone who can actually treat me the way I deserve. At first, he thought Dylan'll do it but little by little realized he won't let me go cuz he is so afraid to tell the world he is gay. Jason threaten him, that if he loved him he'd leave me. Dylan refused so Jason pretended to lose interest in him. Dylan became obsessed and afraid he'd leave, so every time he could, he'd talk to him, see him, etc. But since he never confessed his true self he decided to tell me so I just don't waste more time with him. I couldn't hold my tears, I was so heartbroken I didn't realize Jason was hugging me. Continued saying that he was sorry but I needed to know the truth and that if I ever need anything I can call him. I left and packed all my stuff from the house. I took everything and went back to my sister's. There's still no sign of Dylan, he hasn't even called or texted. Nothing, and I'm starting to believe what Jason said it's actually true.I am feeling betrayed, lied to, and mad. I don't what to do next, but at least I know the truth. Thank u for reading. [Update: AITA for telling my bf I won't marry him if he keeps his friendship with my ex??](https://www.reddit.com/user/Nightlessnights/comments/urwzed/update_aita_for_telling_my_bf_i_wont_marry_him_if/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Tue, May 17, 2022, 5:33PM, EST Hi, I really don't know completely how to use Reddit or knowing something about Reddit etiquette, sorry if It's not the usual way to see an update. I didn’t plan on posting again, but my sister asked me to give u a final update so I could have some closure. She told me about this forum, so all credits to her, I guess. I didn’t intend to make this a conflict for the LGBTQ+ community. Saw comments harassing them. So please stop, it’s because of it, that some still are afraid of revealing their preferences which can lead to situations like mine. I also received supportive and harassing DMS, about how I'm a drama queen, my story is BS, how I couldn't realize that Dylan was gay and things like that don’t occur in real life. Spoiler, shit like that can happen, and it hurts when people minimize that. I'm not saying that you should believe everything, but people write their situations to understand what they did wrong. And for you to simply reduce their pain just because you haven’t experienced something like that, it’s petty. Try to give the benefit of the doubt to those reaching out. You don't know the impact of your comments. With that being said I guess I owe you an update. Dylan never called me, so I decided to force him on telling me the truth. He was with a friend (That friend told me) so I visited him. He didn’t want to talk to me, but I insisted. He started by saying he was sorry, he needed to clear his head and then will come back home. I told him it wasn’t necessary; I didn’t want to get married anymore. He was mad and started reclaiming me. I told him that I knew everything about Jason and him and how a coward he was for using me to hide his sexuality. He was crying, saying that it was BS, Jason's lying, that I want to belittle him. After a few minutes, gave up and implored me to not tell his family or anyone. I said I wouldn’t do it but still, I won’t marry him. I gave him the ring but he grabbed my hand. Told me how could I do this to him, that I want to hurt him, I owed him this. I asked him to let me go, he was hurting me, but he didn’t. My friend had to pull us apart. Dylan was screaming and getting aggressive, saying that I should stop lying, I cheated on him with Jason and I wanted to blame him by saying he's gay when he isn’t. My friend told him to get out and he did. After it, his fam called asking what I'd done to him, calling me a liar and a snake. Told them to talk to Dylan and if they continue harassing me, I’d get the police involved. Jason also reached out, sent me flowers, and I threw them away. I told him to leave me alone and never contact me again if he didn’t want me to get a restraining order. I haven’t heard from them since that. Dk how to go start fresh. We were supposed to get married on July 5th. Damn, I’m supposed to pick up my dress this weekend. My mom and sis told me they’ll help me with it but they’ll need me cuz I paid for it so I’m the only one who can cancel. Today I cut my hair and cried on the way back. I'm crying while writing this too. It's been so much, and I feel like shit. So, I guess that’s it, sorry the post got long. One of the top comments (abbreviated): Good for you for cutting off a liar. I don't care about who loves who (LGBTQ+) but cheating and lying is cheating and lying. In addition to cheating and lying about himself, he lied about you to cover his cheating and lying. He wants a woman to help him hide from his family. There are women who will do that, even on a temporary basis, but it's straight-up emotional torture to go about it in deception with the woman from whom he's asking help. THEN, to drag everyone else into abusing you.... wow. \*\*Reminder - I am not the original poster.\*\*

AITA for telling my bf I won't marry him if he keeps his friendship with my ex?? - Final Update

CONCLUDED

G1Gestalt

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16id3cf/aita_for_telling_my_bf_i_wont_marry_him_if_he/

16iyuct

Fun Fact To Cover Spoilers: The deepest cave in the world is the Veryovkina Cave in the country of Georgia. It is 2, 223 meters deep (7, 257 feet). Content Warnings: >!Scams, Porn Addiction, Addiction, Overdose Mention, Mental Health Issues!< Mood Spoiler: >!Abrupt Ending, Upsetting, Baffling, Unsatisfying!< *I am not the OOP. That would be* u/adriator *who posted these on* r/StoriesAboutKevin\*. These are all stories that take place at various points about the same Kevin. Two of the posts are NSFW however they can be skipped so I marked them.\* \- [**Kevin forgets he's the one who called me**](https://www.reddit.com/r/StoriesAboutKevin/comments/fkx0fd/kevin_forgets_hes_the_one_who_called_me/) **March 18th, 2020** For the backstory: This Kevin is my friend's brother. She (my friend) was my classmate in primary school, while Kevin was my sister's classmate, and we still hang out often. Kevin's never been good with technology, he can barely boot up his PC and launch a game (Even Skyrim is too complicated for him... He was overwhelmed when he tried out Minecraft). At least he knows how to use a smartphone, to a degree.. What do I mean by "to a degree"? Well, about a year ago, he called me, and the conversation went something like this: Me: Hello? Kevin: WHAT DO YOU WANT? Me: Uhh.. Kevin, YOU called ME. Kevin: ... Me: ... Kevin: ... Kevin: Ohh, yeah. Well, I wanted to ask you about.... I've got lots of other stories about him, like the one where he said he talked to God while asleep.. Except he doesn't believe in God. Or when he said we're all stupid for believing in God, and it's all a hoax.. Except he falls to a $100 aura-opening hoax a few days later. Or the most recent one about the recent state of emergency in our country. If you'd like to read them, I'll gladly post them. \- [**Kevin talks to a God who, apparently, doesn't exist**](https://www.reddit.com/r/StoriesAboutKevin/comments/flkz6b/kevin_talks_to_a_god_who_apparently_doesnt_exist/) **(March 19th, 2020)** I posted yesterday about my friend Kevin who forgot he was the one who called me, so as promised, here's another mind-blowing conversation with him. Something you should probably know before I start.. Kevin is a wanna-be occultist. He's been reading on the internet about meditation, auras, demons, summoning spirits for quite a while (perhaps two years? Ever since he OD'ed and ended up in a hospital barely alive....but that's also a story for another time) So here's the convo as follows: Kevin: You're stupid for believing in God, you know. Me: Oh, yeah? And why is that so? Kevin: Because he doesn't exist. Me: And how would you know that? Kevin: I spoke to him. Last night. In a dream. Me: Wait...Can you repeat that? Kevin: I SPOKE TO HIM LAST NIGHT!!! Me: You spoke.. With whom? Kevin: YOUR GOD, JEHOVA! Seriously, you should know that, you're a Christian! Me: Kevin, I thought you said he doesn't exist. Kevin: Well, he doesn't!! Me: But- How did you-...You know what? Nevermind. Aaand that's just one in a million of such stories about him. I'll post more most likely tomorrow. \- [**Kevin thinks he's the only true occultist in the country**](https://www.reddit.com/r/StoriesAboutKevin/comments/fly8aa/kevin_thinks_hes_the_only_true_occultist_in_the/) **(March 20th, 2020)** A lot of you guys have asked me about him believing to be the only "true" occultist in the country, by providing a completely rational argument, which I did use in a prior conversation with him, that a lot of other religions claim to be the only true one. Well, I've decided to postpone the story I'd planned on posting today and just post this one, if only to try and understand his deep delusions a bit more. For others who are reading my stories for the first time, here are the links to the other two. I'll probably make an index page at some time, and am totally planing on making a long series of (not necessarily) my interactions with Kevin. For those of you who expressed an interest in me writing a book about Kevin, I've noted your suggestions and definitely will at some point publish those stories, not as a series of dialogues, but a coherent story with a beginning and a timeline of these conversations. Please do note that those stories are 100% true, I have nothing to gain by lying here. It also makes me happy that you're enjoying my conversations with Kevin, and as much migraine-inducing as they were while I tried to communicate with him, they are twice as much enjoyable of a read now. Without further ado, let's get to the conversation: Kevin: It's so infuriating!! Me: What so? Kevin: No one else understands me. Me: Kevin, we do understand you. Your sister, your parents, us (My sister&me) are just trying to help you be a better person, both socially and academically. (We were talking about school-related issues and his failing grades) Kevin: SEE? YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME. I'm not talking about damn school! Me: Uhh.. Then what are you talking about? Kevin: THERE'S NO ONE! LITERALLY NO ONE IN THE COUNTRY WHO ISN'T A DAMN FRAUD! Me: (Finally realizing what he's on about) If there's no one legit Kevin, then how on Earth do you know so much about satanism? Kevin: It's not satanism, it's O-C-C-U-L-T-I-S-M! And of course, I've read all about it on the internet! Me: You.. You've read about it on the internet? Perhaps on a shady blogspot blog? Kevin: JUST YOU LAUGH! It's all true, I'm the only true occultist in the country, and I'm going to find someone like me on the internet! (And he did, and successfully got himself scammed out of $100 by a Montenegro fraud, but that's a story for another time.) Me: Don't you think in a country this large and populous, there would at least be someone else who knows the same stuff you do? Kevin:... Kevin: No, I told you I'm the only one. There's definitely no one in the country like me. Me: And how would you know that with certainty? Kevin: I MEDITATED UPON IT, OKAY? At that point, I just lost the will to further argue with him. Enough migraines for today! \- **Relevant Comment** >How the hell did he pass preschool? OOP: The thing is, he wasn't this delusional as a kid. He had his quirks, like taking his older sister's powerpoint presentation in sixth grade and forgetting to change the name at the end, but he was a good kid, he loved dinosaurs, video games and wanted to be a scientist. It all started when he went to high school, he started smoking, drinking excessively, doing drugs and reading on conspiracy theories, demons, auras and meditation on the internet. \- >Good on you for quitting without melting your brain. This is definitely a man who is going to ingest something fatal/in a fatal quantity down the road for one reason or another. OOP: He already did. After I warned him not to take ecstasy pills (because I knew he had no boundaries), he went and took three at the same time. He barely survived. I'll post a story about that too. \- [**Kevin gets scammed by a Montenegro faux shaman**](https://www.reddit.com/r/StoriesAboutKevin/comments/fmje92/kevin_gets_scammed_by_a_montenegro_faux_shaman/) **(March 21st, 2020)** Someone asked me to tell you guys how Kevin got scammed out of $100 by the Montenegro fraudster pretending to open Kevin's aura, se here it is. But before I get on with the story, if you're unfamiliar with the context I'd strongly advise you to read the previous few stories: In short, Kevin has been reading on occultism, auras, summoning demons, charkas, and other stuff on the internet (You know those shady black blogs with red letters? Yeah, that's where) and now he believes himself to be kind of a God (a conversation which I'll recount tomorrow), but there's only one thing stopping him from achieving Godhood - his closed auras. Therefore, Kevin has been visiting a self-proclaimed "witch" in the neighborhood who has been reading his palm, telling him the future by using a coffee cup, etc. (I also warned him multiple times prior to be wary of such scams, both in person and on the internet) But that's also a story for another time, because circa three months ago, Kevin went radio silent. He'd usually text me once or twice a week, and look at all of my stories on instagram, but I haven't received a word from him for at least two weeks (It was perhaps three weeks after the New Year's Eve). So I decided to ask his sister what's up and why Kevin hasn't responded to my calls or texts that day. Oh boy was I in for a wild ride, KS - Kevin's sister Me: So, hey, what's up with Kevin, he hasn't responded to my texts earlier? KS: Oh, I didn't have the chance to tell you, our parents took away his phone and the computer. Me: Wait, what? Why? KS: He found and contacted a fraud in Montenegro and asked him to open his aura. Me: FFS, I told him to be wary of internet scams. How much money did he give him? KS: Around a hundred bucks, not sure. Yeah, you're not gonna hear from him for a while. I felt a sudden urge of "I told you so, Kevin!" hormones hitting me up, and I just couldn't hold myself and laughed so hard I lost my breath. Me: Well, at least he's learned his lesson, right? KS: Well... No. What did she mean by no? I was about to find out, the next time I met Kevin. Me: So, Kevin, I heard you lost $100 to a Montenegro fraudster, is that right? Kevin: He's not a fraud. Me: What do you mean, he's not a fraud? He literally scammed you out of $100. Kevin: He opened my aura! I'm feeling much better. Me: Dude, you're an idiot. He didn't do jack shit, he scammed you. Kevin: Oh, yeah? And how do you know if he scammed me? Do you even know WHAT AN AURA IS? (Sometimes I ask him "Okay, I don't. Can you tell me?" and he starts to mumble and tells me to look it up on the internet) Me: Dude, think rationally. How could someone who is over 500 miles away do something like.. (sigh) open your aura? Did he cast a charm out loud, did he kill a cat and drank it's blood, or what? What is this, casting a spell over the internet? (chuckle) It's bullshit, and you know it. Kevin: You wouldn't understand something as delicate as this. He's not a fraud and that's it. That's when I decided to just let it go and stop trying to argue with him. It's just so much hassle for it to end up with "I'm right and I don't want to listen to you!" His parents eventually returned his smartphone after like a month, but he hasn't received his computer back yet. I'm not sure which story I should post next, probably the one where he "gets touched by the hand of God", but if you want to be notified when I do post it, subscribe to my profile or sort by new tomorrow at around 19:00 GMT +1 on [r/StoriesAboutKevin](https://www.reddit.com/r/StoriesAboutKevin/)! \- \~NSFW Starts Here\~ [**Kevin touches himself in the bathroom**](https://www.reddit.com/r/StoriesAboutKevin/comments/fn4at9/kevin_touches_himself_in_the_bathroom/) **(March 22nd, 2020)** Before we start, if you haven't already, you should probably read my other stories, if only to better understand the bizarre flood of nonsense this Kevin's mind presents us with. So. Another day, another chance for Kevin to make us regret even being born. As usual, I talked to Kevin's sister and we agreed to meet at 9 PM that evening. I kind of got used to them being late, as they'd always show up up to a half an hour late, but tonight it was different. 9:30 PM comes and goes, 9:45 PM, 10:00 PM.. I'm starting to get worried. So I call Kevin's sister, she picks up the phone and I can hear her audibly sigh. Kevin's sister - KS, Kevin's mom - KM KS: \*sigh\* Damn it, Kevin. Come on! Me: Soo.. What's going on guys, why are you late? KS: Kevin spent the last hour in the bathroom. We'll be there in a few minutes. A few minutes go by, and I see Kevin and KS on the corner of my street. KS is visibly angry, but Kevin, on the other hand, is pretty happy and gleaming. Me: Why are you so late? KS: \*her voice shaking\* ASK HIM. Me: (fearing to ask) ...Kevin? Kevin: I WAS DOING A RITUAL, OKAY? Me: \*sighing in defeat\* .... What kind of a ritual is done while taking a shit, Kevin? Kevin: I wasn't just pooping, I was also meditating! And you know what? I WAS TOUCHED BY A GOD! Me: Kevin... I thought you said YOU were a God? Kevin: Well, technically, yes..- Me: \*chuckling\* So, you were touching yourself on the loo? KS: The idiot was panting like a horse. I could hear him from my room. At some point, our father shouted "KM! LISTENING TO MUSIC AND WANKING OFF, THAT'S WHAT YOUR SON DOES ALL DAY LONG!" Kevin: SHUT UP! AND JUST SO YOU KNOW, THAT \*IS\* THE RITUAL. AND IT WORKED! I FELT A PRESENCE INSIDE ME! Me: You could say the spirit \*penetrated\* you, Kevin! KS: Wow! \*Laughs\* My brother got raped by a demon! That's the point when Kevin got so red in the face he looked like he'd blow up. He stormed back home and didn't want to talk to us for a few days. This isn't the end of his wanky rituals, tho. But they're too gross to write about them right now, I feel like I'm going to vomit. I'm sorry if this grosses you out, God knows it almost made me vomit a couple dozen times. \~NSFW Ends\~ [**Kevin "the God" fails his second year of high school**](https://www.reddit.com/r/StoriesAboutKevin/comments/fnp0w1/kevin_the_god_fails_his_second_year_of_high_school/) **(March 23rd, 2020)** Aaand it's time for another Kevin story. I've written in some of my previous stories how Kevin believes that he's a God. (You can find a link to the other stories at the bottom of this post) So here's another conversation on this topic. Context: Kevin's going to a medical high school. Kevin's studying to be a kindergarten teacher. Kevin doesn't like helping people. Kevin doesn't like children. Kevin doesn't like medical school. Kevin doesn't like studying at all. Then why did he choose medical HS? I have no idea. Kevin: (Rambling about his rituals again) Me: Soo Kevin.. Kevin: Why are you interrupting a God? Me: So you're a God right? Kevin: YES! And I can do anything I want! Me:...Okay, your Godness, if you can really do anything you want, then why don't you sit the fuck down and study for your final exams? (Kevin had a failing grade in THREE different subjects) Kevin: I have more important business than to waste time on such mundane humdrum. Me: Kevin, you're going to fail & will have to redo year 2 of your high school. Is that what you want? Kevin: Everything's going to be FINE. Me: No, it's not. You're going to fail math, microbiology and pathology. Kevin: No, I'M NOT! You'll see! THIS GOD WILL MAKE IT ALL FINE! .... ....Kevin failed his second year of high school and had to redo it all over, losing 1 year of his life. Oh, and he made a huuuuge mess at the school because of this, because of which the math professor ended up transferring to another HS. EDIT: I've written down in a comment what happened next with Kevin's education and why did the math teacher transfer; For ease of read here it is: When this mess all started, Kevin already failed Microbiology and Pathology. But in our school system, if you fail up to two classes, you get one chance to redo the final exam and pass them both with the lowest passing marks. Kevin was about to fail his third subject, which would mean automatic failure and redoing of that school year. But Kevin's math professor decided to give him another chance before she'd fail him, and scheduled an "oral exam" which was held during regular class time, one week before the school year ended, during which Kevin would be asked to do the simplest tasks they'd learned about that year in math in front of the teacher and the rest of his class. Kevin was asked to draw a 90° angle on the blackboard. Kevin didn't know how to draw a 90° angle. His math teacher said she was sorry, but she had to fail him. Kevin pleaded her not to fail him, because this'd be his third failed subject, which would result in him failing the whole year. I'm not 100% sure of the details, but the failing grades from Microbiology and Pathology weren't yet written down in the school diary (they still used back then the old fashioned physical book diary for grades) so his math teacher said "This isn't your third failing grade, this is your first one." Which was technically true at the time, but later that same day the rest of them got submitted to the school diary and Kevin had three failing marks, which resulted with him failing his 2nd year. Kevin was MAD. Mad at the math teacher, called her a hoe, a witch, etc.. And complained to the school board. The school board denied his complaint, and placed him in the new second grade (with the one year younger generation). I told him not to bother, he had his chance, I warned him multiple times what'd happen, all of us tried to help him but he didn't move a finger all year and now wanted to pass by crying in front of the teachers. Nope. Kevin then went to the county school inspector (which is a relative of his) who swooped at the school like a vulture and did a full-scale inspection. Now, why did the math teacher transfer? Well, you see, that medical school (with the principal on top) had A LOT of irregularities. Corruption, parents paying for better grades, students who don't even meet the minimum criteria of attendance (which means their parents paid for them to get in, which is illegal), a lot of dysfunctional tech, broken toilet stalls, no toilet paper or soap, etc, etc. All of which resulted in the school being fined and the rest of the teachers hating on, NOT KEVIN, but the math teacher. The rest of the staff didn't even want to talk to her, gave her stink eyes in the hallways, made her life hell, etc, etc. I mean she was a bitch, but she got hated on for all the wrong reasons. She eventually transferred to teach in another school. What about Kevin? Kevin got another chance the next January to fix all three of his failing grades and be moved to 3rd year. Kevin didn't lift a finger for eight months. Kevin didn't study. Kevin didn't say a word during his final chance exams. Kevin finally failed his 2nd year, and that's where he stayed for the remainder of that school year. \- [**Kevin the kindergarten teacher who hates kids**](https://www.reddit.com/r/StoriesAboutKevin/comments/fod8rw/kevin_the_kindergarten_teacher_who_hates_kids/) **(March 24th, 2020)** As usual, you'll find the links to my other stories at the bottom. Some of you wondered why did Kevin choose a medical high school if he hates people? Well, here's a conversation I've had with him on that topic. Kevin: I HATE PEOPLE. Me: Kevin, you're attending a medical school. You're supposed to help people! Kevin's sister: He had to wash a plastic baby doll the other day as practice work. He grabbed it by the neck and threw it in the shower. Me: Kevin... You're studying to become a kindergarten teacher. Kevin: It's not my fault! I HATE CHILDREN TOO! Me: Then why the hell did you transfer to medical school? (Something you should know, Kevin didn't have enough points to be accepted at a medical school. He enrolled in an Economics high school, and spent the first week there, until his father pulled some strings and transferred him to medical school. If you've read my last story, you'd understand how hypocritical was sending a county investigator to the school two years later) Kevin: WHAT ELSE DO YOU RECOMMEND? Me: Kevin, there are a lot of choices here. You could have applied for an economics high school, high school for technical sciences, mechanical sciences, catering school, gymnasium (grammar school)... Kevin: Booo-oooring. Medical school was my only option. Me: You could be a police officer, like your dad. Kevin: Are you insane? I'm not going to do a physical job. Me: Well then, what would you like to eventually be, besides a wanna-be occultist? Kevin: HEY! And yeah, I'd like to be a scientist. Me: What kind of scientist? What science would you like to study? Biology, Chemistry, Physics? Kevin: I don't know. Me: Not to mention you need math for literally every one of them. Kevin, you suck at math. You've failed year two because of math. Kevin: Shut up already. Kevin's really tied to his mother, who's a nurse, and went to a medical college. So, I guess that'd be my first guess why. \- **Relevant Comments:** >I don’t get it. Is he studying to be a medical professional or a kindergarten teacher? OOP: The full name of the course, roughly translated to english would be "medical assistant/nurse - kindergarten teacher". It's a course in a medical school. >I’m still very confused. That’s like a course called “nuclear physics - English literature” OOP: No, it's really not. They study pediatry (and a lot of other medical subjects) there, and work as interns in a hospital's pediatry ward alongside the kindergarten. So we always have more than qualified medical staff around our children who are able to help them at any time needed. It's a career path that revolves about educating and helping children - of course, they can later on finish a college degree and eventually get a phD in pediatry or pedagogy. \- \~NSFW Warning\~ [**Kevin the porn addict watches porn in a bar**](https://www.reddit.com/r/StoriesAboutKevin/comments/foytg5/kevin_the_porn_addict_watches_porn_in_a_bar/) **(March 25th, 2020)** WARNING: THIS STORY IS NSFW. But since y'all are probably working from home now.. Here's another thing to note about Kevin: He is a porn-addict. He wanks EVERYWHERE in his room. I won't even step foot in his room anymore. What I mean, his mother would change his sheets on Monday (while loudly wondering "What's all this gray stuff on your sheets, Kevin?" Poor woman) and they'd be all fucked up by Tuesday nightfall. Anytime he's not talking about occultism, he talks about porn. Even when we're with other people, or in public. That's one of the reasons why I stopped inviting Kevin anywhere) Today, I'm gonna tell you two different (yet somehow related) stories. It's a double-feature! Yay! Here's the first one: Just to help you imagine the ambient, here's the context; A colleague of mine invited me to go get a beer at a local bar. At the last minute, Kevin called and asked to come with me. I naively said "Yes, sure, why not. Be at the bus stop in 10 minutes." On the way to the bar we had a little monologue (I say monologue because it was mostly me talking with Kevin absently saying yes and no). Well, pretty soon we got to the bar, I introduced Kevin to my colleague, we ordered a beer (Kevin ordered tea, he doesn't drink anymore.. Not after that huge mess which I'll tell you about sometime soon) and the two of us (my colleague and I) started talking about something related to a project we had coming up. Kevin was looking intently at his phone, not even blinking, with a small smile creeping up on his face. At one point, Kevin abruptly raised his head and cut me off mid-sentence with: Kevin: So, $adriator, you got any porn to recommend? I was pretty shocked at this, to be honest. My colleague unsuccessfully tried to hide his laughter, while the other tables stared at us. It was just then that I realized Kevin was watching porn on his phone, in the middle of a bar! (With sound off, tho) I just replied with a cold no, and continued what I'd been talking about. Kevin spoke perhaps once or twice, and continued watching porn on his phone. I told him that was very embarrassing and rude on his part; but he did not seem to care. Me: Kevin, what you did tonight was very rude and embarrassing. Kevin: What did I do now? Me: You cut me off mid sentence just to ask if I've got any porn to recommend to you? Are you insane? Kevin: Well, IS THAT YES OR A NO? Me: It's a fuck you, Kevin. I'm never inviting you anywhere again. The second story: After the shitshow with the Montenegrin fraudster shaman, Kevin's father took away his phone and searched it. Instead of finding more about that fraudster and Kevin's occultism, his father found hundreds of open tabs of hardcore milf porn in Google Chrome, and thousands of porn pictures in his gallery. Kevin just recently got his phone back, after two or three months of not having it. I think his parents also wiped his phone, but I'm not 100% sure about that. Well, if you're writing down a list of Kevin's mental problems, add porn addiction to it. \~NSFW End\~ \- *You Can Read Part Two* [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16iyuo1/kevin_the_self_proclaimed_god_part_two/)

Kevin The Self Proclaimed God (Part One)

INCONCLUSIVE

boru_posts

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16iyuct/kevin_the_self_proclaimed_god_part_one/

16iyuo1

*Link To Part One:* [*https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16iyuct/kevin\_the\_self\_proclaimed\_god\_part\_one/*](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16iyuo1/kevin_the_self_proclaimed_god_part_two/) Content Warnings: >!Scams, Porn Addiction, Addiction, Overdose Mention, Mental Health Issues !< Mood Spoiler:>! Abrupt Ending, Upsetting, Baffling, Unsatisfying!< \- [**Kevin doesn't wash his hair for a week because he thinks it'll grow faster**](https://www.reddit.com/r/StoriesAboutKevin/comments/fpmnrg/kevin_doesnt_wash_his_hair_for_a_week_because_he/) **(March 26th, 2020)** As usual, you can find the index of my Kevin stories here. Something to note: This happened when Kevin was in his first year of high school, he came to a new environment, started hanging out with the school junkies, and trippin' some death-metal style. Naturally, he wanted to have long hair, just like his favourite singers. So Kevin started wearing black leather jackets, Dr Martens shoes, camo pants, and even bought dark prescription glasses. The only detail he was missing? Long hair. You see, until that moment, Kevin had very short hair. So, what would the next logical step be? Let hair grow out. What did Kevin do? Well, you're about to see.. Me: Hey Kevin, what's with that punk-rock style? Kevin: It's death metal, dude. \*Starts screeching and playing a death metal song on his phone\* (If you've never heard a death metal song before, it's just some random weirdos screeching, literally like hyenas, and playing their electric guitars very loudly) Me: Whatever. And please turn that music down, you're bothering the neighbours. (And me, lol) Kevin: That's just because your taste in music is shit! Me: Yeah, yeah. You're the one to talk. Besides, what's with the greasy hair? Damn man, that's awful & oily. Kevin: I decided to let my hair grow. I want it long like this singer! \*Shows me a picture on his phone\* Me: Okay, I figured that out. That still doesn't explain the grease. It looks like it hasn't been washed in a week. Kevin: Well it hasn't been. I've read on the internet if you wash your hair once a week it'll grow faster. Me: \*pikachu face\* Kevin, it doesn't work like that. You really shouldn't trust everything you read on the internet. Kevin: Oh yeah? And what do you know? Do you have a professional licence in hairstyling? Me: Kevin, I have common sense. At least you're showering daily.. Right? Kevin: ..... Me: .... Kevin: ..... Me: Stay away from me, okay? \- [**Kevin doesn't know what a curfew means**](https://www.reddit.com/r/StoriesAboutKevin/comments/fse3r7/kevin_doesnt_know_what_a_curfew_means/) **(March 31st, 2020)** Howdy slims! It's been a few days since I last posted. As usual, you can find the list of my stories here. Context: A 17-5 curfew (police hour) has been established in my country since March the 16th. Police and the military are patrolling the streets and arresting/fining anyone in violation of the curfew. Kevin, who doesn't usually leave his house before 21h anytime we go out (Every time I asked him if we should go out earlier, he refused) sends me a message at 16:50. Kevin: So, wanna go out later to the city? (We live in the suburbs) Me: What? Kevin, it's almost 17 h. There's a curfew. Kevin: Huh? Me: You know, the coronavirus outbreak? The world pandemic? Kevin: .... Kevin: Is that a yes or a no? Me: No. \- [**It took me 45 minutes over the phone to teach Kevin how to register**](https://www.reddit.com/r/StoriesAboutKevin/comments/fv58ky/it_took_me_45_minutes_over_the_phone_to_teach/) **(March 4th, 2020)** Something that has to be noted before you start reading: We were talking over the phone. No screen sharing, no screenshots, just our voices. You could say I have evolved a third eye for Kevin's idiocy after all this time. Let's start: Kevin: Hey, you wanna play a video game on our computers? Me: Oh, yeah, sure, which one? Kevin: IDK, find a multiplayer one. Me: How about a Yu-gi-oh trading card game online? (Was it duelingnexus?) Kevin: Sure, I loved Yugioh as a kid. Me: Oooh-kay Kevin, you've gotta go to this link I've just sent you on facebook and register there. Kevin: I don't see anything. Me: What do you mean? Perhaps the page didn't load yet. Try refreshing it. Kevin: I DID. NOTHING'S HAPPENING! Me: Kevin, do you see anything? Perhaps a Yugioh logo or sth? Kevin: Yeah, there's a Yugioh logo, but no register button. Me: Kevin, there's a huge green register button on the upper right side of your computer screen. Kevin: .... Kevin: Computer screen? Me: Yes, Kevin, it's not going to be in your wardrobe mirror. Now, what do you see on your computer screen? Kevin: It's black. Me: What do you mean it's black? Did you computer turn off or something? Kevin: What do you mean computer? I'm on my phone. Me: KEVIN!! You told me at the beginning if I wanted to play on a computer!! Kevin: OOOH, yeah, right. So I have to play this on a computer? Me: YES, KEVIN. YOU HAVE TO PLAY THIS COMPUTER GAME ON A COMPUTER. TURN ON THE COMPUTER. (Not necessarily true, but I doubt this has a mobile-browser version for a tiny 6 inch screen) \*10 minutes later\* Kevin: Okay, I've turned on the computer. What now? Me: What do you mean what now? Go to the website and register. Kevin: How do I do that? Me: FFS Kevin, just press the link I've sent to you on facebook. Kevin: Done. What now? Me: Do you see a register button? Kevin: Yes. Me: Press it. What do you see now? Kevin: It's asking for my e-mail and password. Me: Well, type your email in there, chop chop! Kevin: ...What's my email again? Me: Kevin ho- wha- HOW COULD I KNOW YOUR EMAIL? Kevin: Well I most certainly don't know it. Me: Wait a moment. \*I go and create an email for Kevin real quick\* Me: Okay Kevin, type in [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]) in there. Kevin: HOW DO I TYPE THE MONKEY? Me: The.. The what? Kevin: You know, the monkey!! Me: Oh, right, on our keyboard layout it's right alt + v. Kevin: It's not working. \*I see a vision of Kevin pressing the left alt button\* Me: Kevin, the right alt button. Kevin: I TOLD YOU IT'S NOT WORKING! Me: KEVIN. YOU'RE PRESSING THE LEFT ALT BUTTON. Kevin: Oh, right... Kevin: Well, what should I put for my password? Me: Just put anything in there, like kevinkevinsky2001. Kevin: Why not kevinkevinsky1999? \*Now, I completely lost my temper here. The reason why Kevin wants to put 1999? Because he likes older girls, and wants others to think he's older... Even his instagram account is kevinky1999\* Me: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? JUST TYPE IT YOU MORON. IT'S NOT LIKE ANYONE ELSE'S GONNA SEE YOUR PASSWORD. And that, me lads, is how I taught Kevin how to register in almost 45 minutes!! Bonus story: \*three days later\* Kevin: Hey, $adriator, what's my yugioh password? Me: How the heck should I know? I told you to write it down. Kevin: Well I didn't. Me: Why not? Kevin: I didn't need it. Me: Obviously you do now. Have a nice day. \*click\* \- *I wish OOP the best.*

Kevin The Self Proclaimed God (Part Two)

INCONCLUSIVE

boru_posts

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16iyuo1/kevin_the_self_proclaimed_god_part_two/

16j2ct8

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Mysterious_Minute37 **Originally posted to** r/amitheasshole and r/daddit **AITA for lying to my family about my daughter?** trigger warnings: >!infidelity, child abuse!< mood spoilers: >!a loving father!< &nbsp; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11g6c9q/aita_for_lying_to_my_family_about_my_daughter/) \- **March 7, 2023** I (30M) am in a relationship with my wife (29F) and we have been together for 8 years but we grew up together and were friends from elementary. I also have two children (4F) who we can call Chloe (Fake name), and a baby boy (5months) Around 5 and half years ago one of our best friends had passed away from cancer, we had known him since we were like 9 so this hit us both hard. During this time, we argued a lot and we spent time away from eachother but eventually figured things out and realised we were better together. Maybe 2 weeks after we got back together, she told me that during our time apart she was with another man who happened to be someone who we both were friends with in highschool who we can call Jonah for the sake of the story. Now it was a bit upsetting at first but after some discussion we were able to accept it and move on. Another 2 weeks or so pass by and we find out she is pregnant. I know Ava isn't mine. I've known from the start and have accepted that fact. But I love her, she's my daughter and nothing will change that. When I looked into my daughters eyes for the first time it was heartbreaking to see the face of a man that I considered my friend for all those years. But I didn't tell anyone, not even my wife, until Ava was 2 years old. When I confronted her about it she admitted that was her fear because Ava honestly looks like a carbon copy of Jonah. She asked if I wanted a paternity test and I denied because I really am scared I could lose legal rights of my baby girl. The past 4 years, she's been my girl. I love her more then words can describe and I got over that heartbreak so quickly. I love her and my son equally. Here where the issues start. Ever since my son was born, my family have started to question my daughters biology as my son looks just like my wife and I whereas my daughter looks nothing like either of us. My mom recently came up to me and said I need to do paternity test for Ava as "I can't have my boy raising a baby that isn't his." This really upset me but I kept my cool and just told my mom that Ava is my daughter. I never told her in the first place because she treats my sisters step son like crap and I don't want my girl to be treated like that. Well my mom was committed and went to my wife and managed to trick her into telling the truth. She came back over to me and yelled at me for raising an illegitimate child. We left the situation fast but my mom hasn't stopped texting me about how I lied for 4 years and that my wife is a cheater. I explained to everyone after in a calm way that my wife didnt cheat and just went into a bit more depth. While my other family, besides my mom, don't care that she isn't mine, they are upset at me for keeping the information away for so long. But I personally think it was none of their buisness in the first place as my own daughter doesn't even know. So AITA? Edit: I said Chloe at the top but continued to use my daughter's real name. I'm in idiot but I still don't think its enough to give away our family identity so it's ok. Sorry about that I'm new to reddit Edit 2: So no Jonah has no idea about her. He's not safe. He has a child himself who I saw on his cousins Facebook. Jonah blocked us after my wife and I got back together. But he lived in my town for another 3 years so I heard news on him. Due to this subs rules I can't say what, but he is a very bad man from what I know hence why our friendship broke. He did stuff which should have him away for life but he isn't. He said stuff about children which absolutely deserves jail time for life. I fear for his child but I'm not putting my daughter in a situation where she could be badly hurt. I tried to keep it low-key in my post and comments about him but it's not possible to do that anymore as I would just seem like a selfish AH if I don't explain. It's all for my daughters safety &nbsp; **Relevant Comments from OOP:** *NTA. If you both know her paternity and you accepted her as yours, she’s yours. However, the suggestions for talking with a therapist on how to mitigate your mom’s negative narrative is important. It’s amazing what young kids can sense, and how they internalize it. Protect her as much as possible from that! As for the “sperm donor” issue. Please get some legal advice. It may seem like he would never find out if you don’t say anything, but life has a way of screwing things up. Knowing how to best protect yourself and her legally could save you guys if something happens down the line. Legal counsel has to follow confidentiality laws so they wouldn’t tell/ force you to tell “Jonah.” Good luck and keep focused on the love you have for that sweet girl! It will get you through this!* >**OP:** Thank you for the kind advice. We definitely will be looking into therapy for our girl and also for us on how to deal with this. And we will look for legal advice for extra protection on our girl. *NTA and love is thicker than blood. She is your girl. Is there any way you could move from your area though so there is no chance or your paths connecting with Jonah and your mom would have less access to your family?* >**OP:** We plan on moving anyone for personal reasons but we definitely are considering moving further away **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE**  &nbsp; [**I love coming home from work**](https://www.reddit.com/r/daddit/comments/11scazc/i_love_coming_home_from_work/) \- **March 15, 2023 (Eight days later)** My oldest is 4 and she's still a toddler but she's also my little best friend. And she's so welcoming. I get home from work and everyday I see her at the window at the exact same time waiting for me. She's usually in a princess dress that she's playing in. I walk through the door and she's automatically in my arms yelling "Daddy! I missed you" best feeling in the world. Then I see my baby boy crawl through or he's in my wife's arms. He's immediately snuggled in my arms. &nbsp; [**Update #1 - My kid found out she isn't mine**](https://www.reddit.com/r/daddit/comments/159jwyw/my_kid_found_out_she_isnt_mine/) \- **July 25, 2023 (Four months later)** She's 4. Young. If you read my other post, you will see that she isn't biologically my daughter. She is my ex best friends. But I've loved her since day 1. Nothing can change that. My family had an issue with this. But I cut them off. (Ik in my other post I said nobody else cared but it turned into a bigger deal because of my mom.) The only people I have kept I'm contact with is my sister (one of them). She has always supported me and even since she found out about Ava's biology she hasn't cared and still loves my daughter the same as she loves my son. Thing is my kids stayed the night. Half way during my kids time there I get a text from my sister saying my mom is there, she showed up unexpectedly. My mom knows I don't want her around my kids. So I drive to collect my kids and thank my sister for telling me. When I get there I find my sister angry and holding my sobbing daughter. My son is in my mother's lap. I leave without sparing a look at my mother apart from when I took my son from her. When we got home, my daughter was still crying. I picked her up and cuddled her super close and asked what happened. She looks at me in the eyes and says "Grandma says your not my real daddy. I want you to be my real daddy. I don't want you to love baby brother more then me." I think at this point, lying would do her more harm in the future. So I sat her down and explained that I'm her real daddy because I love her and raised her. I'm just didn't help make her. She was confused and asked if I made her baby brother. I didn't lie and said yes. I also explained how I love them both equally, the fact I didn't make her doesn't change that. I hated seeing her little heart break. But lying more would of hurt her more. She clings to things. Information. Now every night at bed she asks me "Daddy you still love me like you love (baby brothers name) right?" It's like she's scared I don't love her the same because my mom said I love my son more because he is mine. I love her just as much as I love him. I don't come on reddit much but I'm just really lost here. I know me telling her the truth would save her a lot of future trust issues and stuff but it breaks me that she thinks I don't love her the same as the baby. My plan was to tell her when she's older, but she's at the age now where there is a chance she will remember this. Edit: I wanna add that bio dad doesn't know. He's a dangerous man and I wouldn't ever trust him around my kid. He would try get custody and neither my wife or I trust him around out daughter. She needs to be protected. I was under the impression she was mine. But I knew from day 1 she wasn't. I confronted my wife when my kid was 2. Extra info. Feel free to ask questions Edit 2: If you really think bio dad should know, pm me and I will tell you why he shouldn't be able to ever get near her. I'm not gonna say here because it seems too much for reddit. If that's your issue then just speak directly to me &nbsp; **Relevant Comments from OOP:** *Good for you OP! How do you legally protect yourself from the bio dad if he asks for a paternity test? Should an adoption take place? Or is the idea that she needs to keep this under wraps at her school, etc.? Just curious how this all works.* >**OP:** She's legally mine. I'm on birth certificate. He is in another country and has a kid of his own. But as far as I know I'm pretty sure he is in jail rn for something. Or that he just got out. Idk. He not near us. But he was for a few years. Not once did he try to claim her as his own. We lived within 30 mins at one point and he didn't even know about the baby. &nbsp; [**Update #2 - Update on my mother telling my kid she isn't biologically mine. Progress**](https://www.reddit.com/r/daddit/comments/164qgtt/update_on_my_mother_telling_my_kid_she_isnt/) \- **August 19, 2023 (One month later)** So we had some amazing suggestions and I want to thank everyone who offered good advice for me and my little girl. We used the idea of leggos and building blocks. She has a favourite bunny Teddy that she sleeps with all the time. Literally all day everyday we see that Teddy. So what I did was sat down on a matt and we had a daddy daughter challenge thing. She got me to make a structure of her mommy and I got her to make one of her bunny. By the end of it, she made her bunny. So now I put up infront of her the Teddy bunny and the leggo bunny. I asked her which one she loved more and she obviously said her Teddy bunny and I asked her why. She said "because it's my bunny and I had it forever." So I made it a point to say that the bunny is like her. I've loved her forever and that she's so special to me that I love her so much she couldn't be replaced even though I didn't make her. Just because she didn't make the bunny doesn't mean she doesn't love it. I used a similar example but in a different way to explain to her about her baby brother btw. It satisfied her and she is happy with that example. We use the term now "I love you like you love bunny" obviously it's a silly little term but it helps her understand it so much better. &nbsp; **Relevant Comments from OOP:** *This is a lovely development. I am curious though, and my apologies if you already mentioned it, but what was the aftermath with your mom and the rest of your family? I literally cannot imagine my mother or any other loved one pulling something like that. It just doesn't compute.* >**OP:** Thank you and it's fine! Mom we don't speak at all anymore. Many of my other family members have cut contact like my siblings and stuff because they all love my daughter dearly and hate what she did. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITA for lying to my family about my daughter?

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16j2ct8/aita_for_lying_to_my_family_about_my_daughter/

16j342u

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/DodgersDude-ta](https://www.reddit.com/user/DodgersDude-ta/). He posted in r/AmItheAsshole This is a light, palate cleansing post. **Trigger Warning:** >!mention of racism!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!happy ending!!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uibzfy/aita_for_refusing_to_take_down_my_dodgers_gear/)**: May 4, 2022** I am a fourth generation Angeleno (Los Angeles native) and a die hard Dodgers fan. I had to move out of state because my work moved its HQ to Texas and because it was becoming too expensive to live in LA. I currently live in Houston. My wife and I fucking hate it here. We regret it and we’re looking to move soon. We still love LA so we have reminders from home everywhere. I adore baseball so my car has Dodgers stickers, I wear Dodgers shirts on the reg, and I have a Dodgers flag flying on the front lawn. My neighbors don’t like it. Of course they don’t because it’s Houston so they’re Astros fans. For those who don’t know, the Houston baseball team, the Astros, cheated during the 2017 World Series and got away with it. So yeah, we get told to get over that year often. Recently I got a letter from the HOA telling me to take down my flag because it’s an “eyesore”. I say so way Jose because there is nothing in the bylaws limiting what flags I can have up. Also my neighbors have more offensive flags up and I don’t see anyone complaining about that. I threw the letter away. But we still get neighbors telling us to get over that game and to deal with it. As for me, my wife thinks we should take the flag down until we move. And is not happy when I told our obnoxious neighbor that, “we won our World Series title fair and square, until you guys.” AITA? I don’t think I am, but my wife does. ***Relevant Comments:*** "My friends and family have been suggesting alternatives to my beloved Dodgers flag. This ranges from a Japanese flag (wifey is Japanese-American), to a pride flag to a Lakers flag to the Aussie flag from the Simpsons." *Moving back:* "But seriously, there are so many reasons why we want to move. The biggest is the racism my wife has had to put up with the last two years. We’re expecting a baby girl in October and my wife refuses to raise our daughter in Texas." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16ddrag/update_aita_for_refusing_to_take_down_my_dodgers/)**: September 8, 2023 (1 year, 4 months later)** I made an [AITAH post last year](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uibzfy/aita_for_refusing_to_take_down_my_dodgers_gear/). It was about whether I was an asshole for keeping my Dodgers gear up with the sole purpose of pissing off my Texan neighbors. It didn't get much attention, but I'm back with an update. We moved! We moved back to Los Angeles over the summer. Things weren't as hard as my wife and I would have thought. We looked around online and recruited our family and friends to what we called "Operation: Get Out!". The objective as to find an affordable place to live and gtfo. Given everything going on over there, we didn't want to raise our daughter in Texas. Also all of our family and friends were in California, and we wanted her to know her grandparents. With the help of my father-in-law, we bought a small house half-an-hour away from Los Angeles. It's a fixer upper but my wife has been loving the renovation projects so far. We just finished the kitchen and the nursery. My wife can't wait to tackle the living area next year. She loves getting to channel her inner Joanna Gaines. I found a new job that lets me work from home a couple of days a week, so I can stay with our girl. Speaking of our girl, she hadn't been born when I made my post. My wife and I took a "babymoon" trip to Mexico to enjoy our last vacation before she arrived. Only Hannah decided that she didn't want to be born in Texas and crashed the trip! I'm a little disappointed that we broke the cycle of the fifth generation born in Los Angeles. But Hannah is a healthy, strong little girl and that's more important. And we have an interesting story as to why our half-Asian daughter now has Mexican citizenship. Thank you for confirming that I'm not an asshole. Viva los Dodgers! ***Relevant Comments:*** *On daughter having Mexican citizenship:* "All of our Chicano friends are obsessed too. They’ve been showering us with Mexico-themed baby stuff since we came back home. Our daughter’s godmother wants to throw her a Quinceanera when she turns fifteen."

AITA for refusing to take down my Dodgers gear when I live in “enemy territory”?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16j342u/aita_for_refusing_to_take_down_my_dodgers_gear/

16j34kd

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/BaskinRobbyn](https://www.reddit.com/user/BaskinRobbyn/). She posted in r/TwoHotTakes **Mood Spoiler:** >!ending seems ok!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/16amfh0/my_fianc%C3%A9_is_asking_questions_about_my_sex_life_i/)**: September 5, 2023** My fiancé also uses Reddit and has seen things I posted before and I don’t want him to see this. My fiancé has been trying to get me to tell he is the best lover I’ve ever had. From a purely physical/sexual chemistry, this isn’t exactly the case. Of course I love sex with him so much I’m going to commit to sex with him and only him for the rest of my life. We have a very active sex life and we both have a lot of fun. That enough for me. Fun loving sex is all I want in a relationship. I’ve had amazing sex before and it’s not really all that. I’d much rather have my fiancé who is good in bed, and an amazing man and partner, than be with the guy who I would say I was the best sexually with, who was an immature borderline alcoholic douchebag who only wanted to see me when we were going to have sex. Amazing sexual chemistry and physical compatibility means nothing to me if every hookup leaves me feeling used after. So obviously, I can’t tell him in this way. I know how boys are, and I know this would shatter his ego and change our relationship forever. The other thing is, I don’t want to lie to him. I want to tell him the complete truth. To me, it feels more disrespectful to placate him and lie to him about this. When he asks me if he’s the best, I’ve been telling him that I don’t compare sexual partners (which I don’t typically do), and that I love having sex with him. Which leads to more probing questions which I do my best to dodge. I’m unsure of what the best way to give him an honest answer is. ***Relevant Comments:*** *If your pursuit of "honesty" actively harms him, that's an issue:* "Maybe that’s the issue. To me it’s just sex. I’m sure he’s had other great experiences before me and he’s had bad experiences with me. To me it shouldn’t matter if sex was better with another guy if I’m with him now because obviously that means that amazing sex wasn’t worth it" *What's the harm in telling him he's the best? Just lie.* "If i tell him he’s the best, I’m worried he may get complacent. It took a lot of work with him to get to good, and if I tell him he’s the best it may make him think he doesn’t have to try as hard" **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/16dfbul/update_my_fianc%C3%A9_is_asking_questions_about_my_sex/)**: September 8, 2023 (3 days later)** So I’ll get on with the update but I just want to make a few things clear first. For the hundreds of incels and incel adjacent men telling me that I’m settling for my fiancé kindly get some help. I am not settling for him. He is not a meal ticket, in fact I outearn him by a decent amount. I’m HIS meal ticket. The presumption that just because I’ve had better sex that I’m settling is so far from correct. Next, I frequently was asked why this came up. So my fiancé has told me multiple times that I’m his best sexual partner ever. Which may or may not be true. That being said, he’s been with a smaller number of women. I had about a 1 in 4 chance, so it’s nothing to brag about. Because he told me this, he became curious if he was mine. Lastly I just want to say to all the insecure me who commented and DM’d me in a genuine nice way, I’m sorry you feel that way. But remember she chose you. She chooses you every single day she’s with you. If she didn’t think you were special and amazing and the “best” person available for her you wouldn’t be with her. Most men don’t do the bare minimum, if you are focusing on her pleasure you’re already doing better than 80% of men. Chances are, if you’re not the best, but you have a good sex life, you’re pretty damn close. If you’re not her Michael Jordan, you’re probably her Larry Bird. So onto the update. So yesterday night the question came back up again. I told him I wanted to have an open discussion about the question and I had evaded answering because I genuinely needed time to think about it. First I told him that, I didn’t want to sleep with any man anymore except him for the rest of my life. I told him that if I couldn’t have sex with him and only him, I wouldn’t ever have sex with anyone again. Which is all true. Next I told him that I would never choose a relationship based solely on how good the sex was and that being an amazing lover is worthless if I don’t feel emotionally cared for. That being emotionally cared for transforms sex into something completely different and that is what I want above all else in bed. Someone who I feel emotionally cared for me and makes me feel safe, sexy and above all else, loved. Here’s where I’ll lose people I gave him the honest answer. I told him that I have had experiences that were exceptionally good due to factors outside of skill in bed. However when I look back on those experiences they aren’t something I want anymore. I want him. I felt like this was a very careful way to give him a genuine answer that still made it clear I put him over all other men without dodging or lying. The last thing I mentioned was that we have our entire lives together to create new sexual experiences and for us to learn each other’s bodies and make each other feel things that we’ve never felt befor, but the only way to do that is if we don’t focus on what happened in the past and what we can do in the future. I said that I have no doubt that he’ll be the best I’ve ever had if we both put in a little more work into perfecting our sex life and communiting our needs as desires to each other, which is something we don’t do as much as we should. I told him I’m willing to validate him as much as he needs me to to ensure that he doesn’t feel insecurity about this. He took it very well. He told me he did feel insecure since I’m his best and I’m so much more experienced and was worried if he’s not but what I said made him feel better and he agreed that we should be doing more communication. So our homework is to now look to the future, think about what we can do to take our sex life to the next level without worrying about the past. We also decided to book a cruise for the holidays. So we could do 3 things we’ve both never done before, go on a cruise, visit another country, fuck the absolute hell out of each other on a cruise. So I’m feeling optimistic. Thanks for all the suggestions i would’ve royally fucked that up without them. Edit: l can’t believe I need to say this, but the guy in question is not my best due to his penis size. Drop it, men are needlessly obsessed with the size of other mens dicks. It’s weird. If you need to know, there was not a drastic size difference **Edit- adding OOP's comments:** *What is "the best?"* "His own metrics. One of the first times he asked I gave him a more concise answer about how sexual satisfaction isn’t completely tied to physical things. His response was to then tell me that when he asks for best he means the sex were I had either the most or the most intense orgasms. By his own metric he wasn’t the best. I wanted to best convey my own metrics and why I don’t think his metric is all that relevant, but his metric can still be worked on." *Regarding not wanting him to "get complacent":* "I stand by what I said there. Imagine if I had told him, yes you’re the best I’ve ever had. That makes it harder for our sex life to improve. Because if I tell him, he’s the best, but then maybe a month later I want him to change something it might be harder to get him to listen to what I’m saying as he already has in his head that he’s just the best. I thought an honest answer would make it clear that the quality of sex doesn’t matter compared to sex I’ve had before because I don’t want to have sex with any of those guys. What matters is our ability to make sex better for the both of us in the future. That requires work, transparency, vulnerability, communication and above all else honesty. If he wants to be the best, I’m happy to experiment with him to find new depths of pleasure. I can’t start that journey with him if it starts with a lie about our sex life."

My fiancé is asking questions about my sex life. I don’t want to lie, but I need to know the best way to answer honestly without hurting him.

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16j34kd/my_fiancé_is_asking_questions_about_my_sex_life_i/

16j37lq

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/JadedPhoenix80 **I (42f) recieved a text telling me my fiancée (46m) has a girlfriend** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **Previous BoRU posted** [Here](https://reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/LqFarHpIbi) **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Harassment, mentions of past stalking and an abusive relationship, accusation of infidelity!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/q1uxSF41kT)  **May 10, 2023** (42F) have been with my fiancée Caleb (46m fake name) for over 2 years. We are supposed to be getting married in August. Up until this morning I thought we had a great relationship. No major fights, spend almost all of our spare time together. Our sex life is ok (I could use a bit more, but I'm not complaining), and I have always told him that I was game ANYTIME he wanted to. I have not noticed anything to make me question him. I have had issues with trust in the past, but I have not had ANY suspicions that anything untoward was going on. I received 6 missed calls at about 3:30 this morning from 2 numbers I don't recognize. I answered one and no one spoke on the other line, so I hung up. The 2nd number then called back twice, which I ignored and went back to sleep. I woke up this morning to 2 text messages from the 2nd number saying (going to copy and paste): "Hey, this is caleb's girlfriend" name spelled incorrectly, and "I've been seeing Caleb for a few weeks now and thought you should know" name spelled right. I just replied "And who are you?" to the text. I'm really numb, and have no idea how to proceed. Do I forward the screenshots to him and ask wtf is up, do I wait till I get home from work and ask for his phone. I am so lost and comfused, I had no suspicions whatsoever. Any advice would be welcome [Update 1](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/mC63J4ivCE)  **May 25, 2023** My last post got locked due to my lack of karma, or something like that. I'm not sure how to edit my original post, so I'm updating this way. I also don't know how to link to my original from mobile. I didn't say anything to Caleb until I got home. I think I had a suspicion that the texts were not legit, but I needed outside perception. I walked in the door and told him that we needed to talk, and showed him the texts. He legitimately looked confused, then I showed him my call log. He was blown away, then immediately offered me his phone. I looked through it, and found nothing. No hidden apps, nothing in the trash or call logs, nothing in his gallery, nothing in his social media. I had texted the "person" earlier that day (0800) asking if they had any proof, by way of screenshots, dates they were together, or photos. I wasn't salty in the messages at all, and I stated that we were supposed to get married in August. When I didnt hear back for about 8 hours, I sent another text saying Iwas calling BS, and that I didn't know what their endgame was, but I wasn't going to fall for it. About 1945, they got back to me, "I had no idea you guys were engaged he said you lived two hours away. Tell him to lose my number". I responded with "Can you send me some screenshots? When did you see him last? Do you have any pics together? He is denying everything. I'd appreciate it". About 5 minutes later they came back with "Honestly I have no interest in breaking up a marriage and I should have minded my own business. We slept together a few times and it really wasn’t a big deal I apologize for any issues i’ve caused". That really got to me, so, my response was "You helped, but it was he's choice. I would appreciate having proof" then I sent one right after this one saying "And you should tell him yourself" After about 20 minutes I texted that this was BS again. They responded almost right away and sent this final message "I’m at work. Can you stop? Stay with Caleb, don’t, do whatever. I wanted to make you aware of something that involved you. I thought i’d be doing you a favor but you continuously accusing me of making up bullshit and texting me four times after I don’t respond for more than 10 minutes is making me think you should just keep him. Unless you’ve fucked over someone, im not sure why you’d assume someone is fucking with you. Also I don’t see what I would benefit from this considering he’s engaged and lied to me about it and I blocked his number already. Have a good one". The tone in this one changes, and something said in a previous message changes my suspicions. • I am originally from a town about 2 hours from where I live now, but I have lived here for almost 4 years • Caleb doesn't tell people where I am originally from. The city/metro area I live in has about 1.5 million people, and it is never asked. • I was in an abusive relationship up until about 9 months before I moved here, and when we split he displayed very stalker-ish behaviors. The ex even went so far as to use a number spoofing service to contact me after I blocked him. • Caleb gave up his phone easily, and without hesitation. His non-verbals showed genuine confusion regarding the whole situation. The conclusion that I drew was that this is someone from MY past trying to either, destroy my relationship, or test how strong it is. I'm thinking that whoever it is discovered that I'm in a relationship somehow, and wanted to shake it to see what would fall out. We ARE still together, and are still getting married. [Final Update](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/1m1uYTHaVm)  **Sept 8, 2023** IDK how to link my previous posts, see my profile for context. On August 26th Caleb and I flew to Las Vegas and got married as planned. Other than me getting sick with a nasty viral upper respiratory illness (which I am STILL suffering from) he whole 5 day trip was perfect. My parents-in-law, one brother and sister-in-law, and 2 friends joined us. We were able to knock off some bucket list items as I've never been to Vegas before. When we got back I asked Caleb if I should send some wedding photos to the number(s) that started this mess, and he said "Definitely"! Was it a little bit petty? Absolutely... Did I get a response back? Nope... I'm going to sit back and enjoy my happily ever after with the person whose crazy matches mine...HeHe. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Icy-Setting-7537** >Just read your history. So what happened with the texts you got? I didn’t really see an outcome **OOP replied** >>After the last ones I posted...nothing. They just stopped **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I (42f) recieved a text telling me my fiancée (46m) has a girlfriend

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16j37lq/i_42f_recieved_a_text_telling_me_my_fiancée_46m/

16jgnfq

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/crs2nice **in** r/relationship_advice and possibly r/AmItheAsshole trigger warnings: >!infidelity, unresolved anger, mention of miscarriage & limb removal as metaphors, possible parental alienation!< mood spoilers: >!somewhat positive!<   thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting the BoRU. *The first post was likely posted to* r/AmItheAsshole *but was deleted by OOP (see first comment). The same post was then posted to* r/relationship_advice *and the user's account .* &#x200B; [I (37M) told Cheating Ex-wife(37F) “No” when she asked for a better co-parenting relationship for our daughter (15F). We have not spoken to each other in 6 years.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/s3x8pn/comment/hsnz5he/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **- 14th January 2022** My ex-wife (37F) cheated on me (37M)6 years ago and when I discovered her in a 4 month affair with a married man. We share a 15 year old daughter together and co-parent exclusively through my sisters, or email. I found out because AP wife sent me all of the pictures and videos that they took cheating on us with on his phone. Some of the deal breakers for me was she did anal, facials with AP but flat out refused to do those acts with me citing that those acts were disgusting, against her integrity as a women. She literally told me "her body, her rules." Before presenting her with the evidence I had, I had given her a chance to come clean. However, she gaslighted me. Even swore on our daughter's "life". I told her if you had any integrity, or respect for me at all you would tell me the truth right now. She held firm that I was crazy and making wild accusations with no facts. So I then present the facts. When confronted with the evidence. She broke down and look me in my face and said She is a piece sh\*t and knew her betrayal was beyond disrespectful and ultimately something I would never forgive. I told her going forward under no circumstances except health, safety, and the life or death of our daughter should she contact me. We divorced soon after. **Fast forward 6 years later....** Last month my daughter asked would I attend a dinner that she was cooking to prepare for her baking/cooking competition. I of course agreed, but the kicker was her mother/my ex wife would be there too. She knows why we divorced and accepts my NC with her mother. Mind u I haven’t seen or spoken to my exwife in close to 6 years. At the dinner some of my former in-laws and exwife were there and we’ll as my sisters and myself. My daughter food was delicious and everything went smooth. One week after the dinner I received a phone call from my exwife that I obviously answered because I thought something was wrong with our daughter. Nothing was wrong with our daughter but exwife wanted to sincerely apologize for her actions in the past and the damage she did to break up our family. She said that our daughter almost had a break down with the fear of her asking me to be in the same place as her and that our current dynamic is not healthy. She wanted to know was there any way to healthy coexist for future events with our daughter. I did not interrupt her and let her finish what she had to say. When she finished talking, I responded by saying “No” and discontinued the call. Here is where I need advice, my sister told me my exwife is truly ashamed and sorry for breaking up the family and just wants a healthy environment for our daughter. Sister tells me to move on and to think about our daughter mental health. I reminded my sister that what value am I to my daughter life if I am unhappy. Exwife does not make me happy. So Reddit I need an unbias opinions, Should I forgive my exwife and move on to build a better coparenting relationship with my wife for my daughter sake. &#x200B; **Comments** *YTA you were told this on the other thread you have since deleted. Grow up and be a better parent. Still curious to find out how your current GF feels about your intense emotions over this ..NGL* >Thank you for your opinion. My current GF is amazing and she understands my position on my exwife. She does actually feels just the way I do. My GF used to share a mutual friend with my exwife and even her friend says no one trusts the exwife anymore, and none of her friends husbands like her. She is universally disliked. The few friends she does have are also divorced, and kind of the outcast type. *M’eh I’d still be concerned if my BF was this obsessed and angry about a relationship that ended years ago. But fair enough* &#x200B; *Your current situation may be working for you, but not your daughter, and your daughter just hasn’t said anything because she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. Talk to your daughter and ask her to be honest, and then go from there. But it seems like you are holding onto an unhealthy amount of hatred for your ex-wife after all of this time. Listen to your sister when she tells you to just move on and think about your daughter.* >I have not confirm what my exwife said is true yet with my daughter. We alternate weeks. One week on One Week off. my daughter will be here tomorrow morning. My daughter has no problem voicing her concerns or advocating for herself. I feel like there is something more to this. *As a child of divorce, I can say that it is VERY stressful when dealing with parents who can’t stand each other. I don’t think you have to forgive your ex or even create some new friendly relationship with her, but at the very least being more open about communication just with general stuff about your daughter and showing her (you’re daughter) that she shouldn’t be afraid to want both of her parents at important engagements like her dinner. In short, you don’t ever have to forgive your ex, but you do have to move on for the sake of your daughter.* &#x200B; **Overall the advice is that he needs to move on and be a better coparent for the sake of his daughter.** &#x200B; [**UPDATE: I (37M) told Cheating Ex-wife(37F) “No” when she asked for a better co-parenting relationship for our daughter (15F). We have not spoken to each other in 6 years.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/s5n0lj/comment/hsz7olo/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **- 16th January 2022** I spoke to my (15f) daughter yesterday and what she had to say was an eye opener. She told me that she knows that I love her and would do anything for her so she doesn't want to abuse my love for her from me by making me do things I normally would not otherwise do. She says her mom is struggling with "sadness" sometimes and tells her all the time that "Your father" is not ever going to move past hating me which makes it hard for everyone else to stop judging her for her past as well. Apparently my exwife is venting her grievances with our daughter because she has so few friends. **Context:** *Ex-wife lost majority all of our childhood friends, as we all grew up together. None of the husbands want their wife's hanging out with her due to the fact she used girls' night as an excuse to be with AP and some of the wives knowingly and some unknowingly covered for her.* *This caused a lot of drama. It is a common belief that some of the other wives were cheating as well, but no other proof can be found. Since my divorce with the ex, the other wives have essentially removed her from the group to save their marriages.* &#x200B; Daughter also explained to me that she missed our family being together if she was being honest but understands that me and her mother love her. She then asked me about forgiveness, and then about "unforgiveness"- things people cannot be forgiven for. I told her that is ultimately a standard you have to set for yourself. It comes from the morality and values you have within yourself. I explained that sometimes you can dislike the actions, but not dislike the person. AND sometimes you cannot unassociate the actions from the person. example: Joffrey Baratheon from GOT. (She Hates Him with a passion). I said her mother is someone who actions I cannot unassociate with her. I said it doesn't mean she is a bad mom, it just means she is someone who I cannot disassociate with her actions. As a result, me and her relationship can never be the same. I then told her just because someone says sorry that it doesn't means that everything is ok. Unfortunately some actions have consequences, and in her mother's case her actions are apart of who she is as a person. Daughter than asks me if I have ever forgiven someone who has hurt me before, and I said yes. I have forgiven alot of people. Forgiveness is a very important quality to have as a person. Ultimately, we had a very good conversation last night and said me and her mom will always be there for her when she has big life events. I will be talking to my exwife soon about her comments to our daughter. &#x200B; **Comments** User 1 *Your daughter seems like a very mature and thoughtful person, and it sounds like you have great communication with her. Best of luck with everything moving forward.* User 2 *His daughter probably told him what he wanted to hear. As someone from parents with the almost exact story it’s EXTREMELY stressful to have two parents who cannot have a conversation. I’m in my 20s now but growing up was very painful and damaging.* *I wish my parents would have grown up and put their love for me first but their hate came first.* User 3 *Tbh from the previous post I got very weird vibes and all this hatred is really unsettling to say the least.* *OP hate his ex more than he loves his daughter.* &#x200B; [**(UPDATE 2) I (37M) told Cheating Ex-wife(37F) “No” when she asked for a better co-parenting relationship for our daughter (15F). We have not spoken to each other in 6 years.**](https://www.reddit.com/user/crs2nice/comments/yj0bqx/update_2_i_37m_told_cheating_exwife37f_no_when/?share_id=GpkzLssdS2x2Z_RQ2yIdI&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) **- 1st November 2022 (approx 10 months later)** So, after my last post I decided to schedule an appointment with a 2 separate Therapist who specializes in Marriage and Family counselling after divorce. I saw these 2 therapists over the course of 5 months. I did 5 sessions with each Therapist one women and one male. In the sessions, I went over all my issues I dealt with my ex-wife and the current dynamics we have in a place now. I showed both therapist my reddit post and wanted truly 2 non-bias opinions from 2 professionals of the opposite sex. The advice they both gave me provided the contrast I needed to make necessary changes if any in my life. The first thing I did was invite my ex-wife to join me in 3 planned therapy consultations in which I would pay for. The goals were simple. First, create avenue for my ex-wife to start speaking with a professional instead of our daughter about our issues. Second, give her closure (not forgiveness) but an opportunity to give her any answers she may need to recovery and be a better mother and person to our shared child. Last, build and commit to a plan that we will follow on how we will deal with parenting our daughter and behave at shared life events. She accepted my offer. &#x200B; **First Session** The first session was all about sharing our POV on the current state of our lives, and what we both want for our daughter. I shared that I am currently enjoying my life as my professional and personal life are flourishing in the sense that I have achieved balance, joy, and core life goals and accomplishments are being met. For my daughter, I shared that my goal is to ensure that she is happy, enjoys her childhood, loved, and understands the value of self-respect and commitment to core values. I always share with her that everyone loves to believe that they are exceptions to the rules, but sometimes following the rules are what makes a person exceptional. Having a clear sense of what is right and wrong and behaving in that fashion is very important to who you are. I shared my biggest regret in life would be if my daughter turned out like how her mother used to be 7-8 years ago. (it was brutal saying this in the session. But I truly believe and fear this.) &#x200B; Ex-Wife then shares the current state of her life. She is very passionate about her career, (Interior -Exterior Designer) she quite literally turns houses into homes. She shares that she is currently working on herself because her past few relationships ended poorly because of her baggage from our marriage and divorce has made her very afraid of commitment. She also wants our daughter to be happy, loved, and a hard worker. She responded to my comment about me being afraid of my daughter turning out like how she was 7 years ago. She said her pride was hurt by that comment, but years of therapy help her realize she must accept that her actions of the past have warranted that kind of comment from me. She said she knows our daughter does not want to be like her because our daughter has asked her many times besides cheating on dad, what is the real reason why he will never forgive you. She said people cheat and get divorce all the time and they are still friends. However, Dad truly thinks you are bad person, but a good Mom. For years she thought I was poisoning our daughter against her, but quickly realized that was just her own guilt eating her away. The session ended quickly after that. &#x200B; **Second Session** This session my Ex-wife asked a lot of questions. I mean a lot. Nevertheless, I answered all of them honestly and bluntly. The 3 main questions she asked were the following. **1. How did I heal from the wounds that she caused, and what advice could I give her as she is still trying to heal from the wounds, she caused herself.** I explained that the damage she caused wasn’t like a stab or a cut wound that you could stitched back together. I said her damage was more like she amputated a limb from my body. My recovery wasn’t focused on healing, but rather on how to walk, lift, or learn how to eat with my feet because I no longer had hands. I recovered from what she did by reteaching myself how to not be defined by my disability (become a victim), but more importantly gaining strength from it. I ended by saying I am still recovering, there is no healing this wound, the leg is gone. I said my advice to her would be do not amputate your next partner. Stop focusing on healing and starting prioritizing recovering from the damage you caused. Some things can not be fixed, but they can sometimes be replaced, or provide life lesson on how to behave in the future. **2. How can she replace what she has broken?** I reply by giving an analogy when a woman has a miscarriage, she doesn’t replace the child she has lost when she has another baby. She values the life of the child she has because she knows what it is like to lose a child or not have a child at all. She doesn’t replace what she has lost, she has to use her previous lost as a vehicle to find love in what she has now. I reiterated that she cannot replace or fix this. Her actions are permanent and cannot be undone. She must recover and use her experience to be better next time. **3. Is there anything she could do to allow us to be friends again?** I replied by saying No. However, her being a great mother to our daughter and showing her how to recover from making the mistakes she made in her past would go a long way in making sure our shared interest is met. I explained there is no scenario in which I can give you forgiveness, because it is not a gift I can give. This gift must come from yourself. I cannot be responsible for your happiness or forgiveness. **4. Would you allow me to keep trying?** I respond sure. &#x200B; **Last Session** In the last session we made to major agreements. We came to an agreement that I would allow her to contact me outside of emergency if she agreed to not speak about our relationship with our daughter. Please let her be a kid. She can call me directly if she wants to coordinate vacations, holidays, or gifts. I will agree to do one counseling session a year with her until our daughter is married or graduates from college. The goal is the session is to build a stronger co-parent relationship and ensure we are not letting our past ruin share experiences with our daughter. Overall, it has been 3 months since our last session, and I believe that I did what was in the most important immediate need for child which was ensure she does not feel she is responsible for me and her mother’s happiness when it come to her life. She is back to being a now 16-year-old teenager, worrying about boys, clothes, and social status. Which I am perfectly happy to deal with. As for my ex-wife that is a whole another thread. **Comments** *You're a good father. Don't ever doubt that man.* >Thank you. I truly try and make my daughter the best women she can be.  **OOP Comments on another deleted post (15th December 2022)** >My ex-wife has been doing this to me lately. Calls me 3-5 times a week. Literally to ask me for “advice” or to say she saw one of my friends. What she is really doing is trying to integrate back into my life. The only reason I answer is because we share a daughter. &#x200B; Flaring as concluded as the original issue of better coparenting for the sake of his daughter is at least resolved. There were no subsequent posts dealing with the therapy sessions or his relationship with ex-wife. **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My daughter(15) almost had a breakdown in fear of asking me to be in the same room as my cheating ex-wife. We have not spoken to each other in 6 years.

CONCLUDED

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16jgnfq/my_daughter15_almost_had_a_breakdown_in_fear_of/

16jn93b

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwaway-34142 in r/AmItheButtface trigger warnings: >!violence against women!< >!dementia!< >!dead parents!< --- &nbsp; [**AITB for being upset by friend who has become close friends with my high school bully who palmed me in the face?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheButtface/comments/x4gyll/aitb_for_being_upset_by_friend_who_has_become/) - September 15, 2022 I [25f] was severely bullied throughout middle school by Edward [24m]. Everyone knew he was a bully. He once said he didn't want to sit next to me because I was ugly. He was always making fun of me. It was a daily nuisance and harassment. Geraldine [25f] was my best friend in middle school. By midway of 10th grade, Geraldine and I had grown apart as best friends. We were still friends & basically had the majority of our classes together and sat next together in every class, but just weren't "best friends" anymore. Senior year she started dating my middle school boyfriend or my first boyfriend, Daniel. She didn't tell me they were dating. I found out after the fact and when they went public. I was initially uncomfortable but I decided to let it go and be happy for them. I reasoned that we were in middle school and only dated for a month! In high school, bully Edward was a close friend of Daniel as they were on the football team. I didn't see much of Edward in high school until senior year when we joined the same after school club. I tried to be friendly and talk to him thinking he'd changed as we were 18 by then. Well, he took it upon himself to keep bullying me. At talent show practice, he told the teacher to eliminate me as a dancer. Then that night, we were in a group. He told the girl dancers, "I understand what everyone is doing here, but what is she doing here?" Everyone was shocked. He then kept on telling the teacher to eliminate me. I went up to him to tell him to stop. He ended up palming me in the face, shoving my face to the side with force. My contacts fell out. I ran out crying. I reported it to the teacher. When we were released, I had lost it. I started screaming at him and told him, "why don't you go hit your mother?!" His mother had died our freshman year. Edward got in trouble. He never apologized to me although the teachers told him to or he would be kicked out of the club. I never told the teachers he never apologized to me and just let him continue in the club. I also didn't file any criminal charges. (Too long to write, afterwards his friends intimidated me and called me a "snitch" when passing next to me). I remember afterwards Geraldine told me, "it was wrong for you to say that about his dead mother." Edward got in trouble for forcefully pushing another girl out of a line a few weeks later. Only verbally reprimanded though. We went to college. Geraldine and Daniel broke up after the first year of college. Daniel and Edward stayed friends. Geraldine and I stayed in contact, I moved states. We called each other each year to wish each other happy birthday. We'd call each other in crisis, and of course, we were friends on social media. I had considered her a life sister, although we didn't see or speak to each other as often, we had the common bond from childhood. Then last year Geraldine tells me that she and Edward are now close friends. She "sees" him as a little brother now. She said she knew I wouldn't like it. She KNEW what he did. Although he never bullied her in high school, I remember her saying how he was a bully. I was in shock! Even if we only spoke a few times a year, how could she be friends with a man who thinks it's okay to put his hands on a woman?! I ran into him as an adult, still no apology! I was told this friendship with Edward is also her gateway to get back with Daniel and get back in his circle. I have cPTSD because of Edward's bullying and other bullying I endured. I'm in therapy for it now. Am I the buttface for being upset she is friends him? &nbsp; [**AITB for being upset by friend who has become close friends with my high school bully who palmed me in the face? [UPDATE]**]( https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheButtface/comments/x5xd0e/aitb_for_being_upset_by_friend_who_has_become/) - September 18, 2022 Thank you to everyone who took the time to respond to my post the other day. This is the original post. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheButtface/comments/x4gyll/aitb_for_being_upset_by_friend_who_has_become/ I confronted Geraldine and told her my feelings. I think when you grow up with and have so many childhood memories are tied to someone, it is hard to let go. I think I was trying to give her one last chance to take accountability and apologize for her actions. Well, it didn't go well. We were messaging. She said she felt blindsided by me telling her how I feel about her being friends with my assaulter. She then tried to say, "we were both in the wrong" because I retaliated and told him "to go hit his dead mother" after he palmed me in the face. Worst of all, she tried to allege that I hit him first. She alleged "you and him were arguing and you put hands on him first." She WAS NOT even there when the incident happened. She was nearby but didn't see it. She only saw the aftermath of when I was screaming and made the statement about my assaulter's dead mother. There was NO argument. I have NEVER put my hands on anyone. This is the first time I heard this nonsense version of the story from ANYONE. I went bezerk on her! I was 18 when this happened. I work an industry where your background is THOROUGHLY checked and an accusation that I assaulted someone when I was 18, would have been serious and maybe triggered a background investigation on me when I was applying for my license. Geraldine then said this wasn't the platform to have this conversation, it should be by phone. I said okay, I'll call tonight at 9. She didn't respond. Today, she wrote me that she talked her therapist (She's in NYC, therapists available at all times) and she isn't in the mental space to talk about this issue. She is dealing with something personal and doesn't have the headspace. There is some truth to her saying she isn't in the mental space to speak. I was told her mom was diagnosed with dementia about 6 months ago and she isn't taking it well. (Note, she became close friends with my assaulter a YEAR or TWO before her mom got sick). So, I'm not pressing for her to speak to me about the issue anymore. My thoughts though: 1.) How could any person reasonably say a man unprovokingly assaulting a woman half his size and a woman who has just been assaulted and is in fight-or-flight mode who makes a hurtful statement in retaliation deserve the same moral condemnation? 2.) The statement that "I hit him first" is infuriating and an insult to my character. I have NEVER hit anyone in my life. I was one of those smart geek girls who wore glasses in high school, that's why bullies like Edward targeted me. Our mutual friend even said "that doesn't even make logical sense. If that were what happened, how come he was in trouble but you weren't?" 3.) I messaged Geraldine she was being a bully-enabler and a woman-beater excuser by what she was doing. It's like wow, this person said they were my friend and had this image that this is the type of person I was? I'm letting her go. It hurts like hell, but my decision is FIRM. Accepting friendship from someone who thinks I would be capable of assaulting someone would be accepting a devalued version of myself. That and someone who would believe the version of a known bully without asking me first. I also don't understand how she could be so oblivious to basic and logical conclusions. SECOND EDIT: I also now know she spoke to our mutual friend about it today and Geraldine allegedly replied to my remark that she chose the bully's side by saying, "Maybe I was on my man's (her ex Daniel, not the bully Edward's) side." She means Daniel, her ex-boyfriend who is close friends with bully Edward and the reason she befriended Edward as a way to get back with Daniel. She also told our mutual friend that my comment to her that she was a bully enabler and woman-beater excuser was "piercing". (Her dad used to beat up her mom, he died when she was 3, but she knows about it.) Comments, thoughts? THIRD EDIT/CLARIFICATIONS**: WHOAH, I DID not know this would blow up on Reddit. To address some comments, yes, I suffer from people pleasing issues and fear of abandonment/rejection/letting go issues. I also embarrassingly suffered from and still from low self-esteem. I am currently in therapy.** To those who doubt that I was severely bullied by Edward for no reason in middle school and other questions: Yes, I had friends in middle and high school. But I was also very passive and taught to "turn the other cheek" on those who bullied me, although a few times I impulsively defended myself. Edward and another dude were the class bullies. My last name was right behind theirs, so my seat was assigned next to them in class, and I had all my classes with them unfortunately. No, I never did do anything to Edward to cause him to bully me. He just bullied everyone, I was assigned to sit next to him and was the quickest and easiest target. I asked the teachers to move me SEVERAL times, they would not and said to "just try, they'd get to it...blah blah blah." This 3 teachers I asked to move me. I didn't report Edward for not apologizing to me because people told me, "I was taking it too far." I was shamed by others, including Geraldine, and even myself for retaliating and making the statement about his mother. I felt this was "my way to right my wrong." Most importantly, Edward's friends tried to intimidate me afterwards. Daniel and his other friend intentionally came to where I was sitting, pretended to look at a poster and began to say "snitch" multiple times. Yes, Edward had other victims. He forcefully pushed a friend of mine and Geraldine's out of line a few weeks after. I was a witness. He got verbally reprimanded but that's it. Yes, I currently have lots of friends as an adult and friends from college. Geraldine and I stopped being best friends halfway of 10th grade. We grew apart on both sides. We stayed friends though. We went to church together. We had all most of our classes together and sat next to each other. We did the college application together although applying to different schools. We also visited each other when we came home one college break that coincided I think the first or second year of college. We def. texted every now and then throughout college. We saw each other in person senior year of college. Then it turned what I mentioned in the OP. I work in the medical field. Background check for history of violence is REQUIRED for those who will interact with certain types of patients. Atleast in my state. Wow, I didn't understand enablers and how they cause cPTSD victims to have flashbacks and make it harder to let go of the past. Thank you for the information. Will talk more to the therapist about it. No, I don't want or need no apology from Edward. I ran into him maybe 2 years at a restaurant while visiting my hometown, he said nothing to me. It was silence. A friend ran into him as an adult over a year or two ago She said he was still the same rude bully and even told her, "don't speak that shit to me!" I'm good. Most importantly, I always thought it was hard to let go of Geraldine because I thought childhood friends were life bonds even if you didn't speak daily anymore, that and the majority of my middle and high school memories are tied to her. But after reading the comments (including some harsh but maybe necessary comments), I'm slowly realizing, this isn't just about salvaging my childhood memories. This is about "validation." Geraldine being close to my abuser was essentially telling me,"you're a liar, you hit him first" or "what he did wasn't that bad." What happened to me was dismissed and undermined. I had to defend myself and my character. This is me trying to get some validation and recognition that what happened to me was real and affected me in the long term. How can I let go of the past if I am STILL validating it today? 'm going to try to make an app. with the therapist tomorrow. Lastly, Geraldine and I are DONE. She is blocked. Thank you all! [**AITB for being upset by friend who has become close friends with my high school bully who palmed me in the face? [SECOND UPDATE]**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheButtface/comments/16b5sr0/aitb_for_being_upset_by_friend_who_has_become/) - September 5, 2023 I'm the original OP for this post written last year in 2022. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheButtface/comments/x4gyll/aitb_for_being_upset_by_friend_who_has_become/ I wanted to provide an update as to what has happened in the last year. No, despite what you suggested, I didn’t get revenge by befriending the girl who used to bully Geraldine our senior year of high school. Although that girl never bullied me, I just could not make friends with someone like her and who still hadn’t even apologized to her victims. Geraldine’s plan to befriend bully Edward in order to get her ex-boyfriend who cheated on her Daniel back didn’t even work. I saw on Daniel’s little sister’s facebook wedding pics of Daniel and his bride coming from a court house. Then 6 months later the sister announced she was an aunt. I found through our facebook class page (several classmates became cops) that Edward did 30 days in jail a little over 1 year ago. DUI with a crash. His SECOND DUI within 1 year. And for lying to the Police: he switched seats with his girlfriend and lied and told the police it was her who was driving. Apparently, he was belligerent with the hospital staff when they tried to treat him and refused any alcohol test. I’m not surprised to hear this. And like most high school bullies, he’ll likely go on to wife beating. You guys were right about Geraldine using the issue with her mom having dementia to escape moral accountability. Our mutual friend randomly slipped that Geraldine hadn’t spoken or called her mom with dementia in 4 or 5 months apparently, atleast as of April 2023. Our mutual friend was the one trying to spend time with Geraldine's mom so she wasn't alone...And Geraldine saying she was not in a mind state to talk to me — she was talking to our mutual friend about the matter for MONTHS, i.e. how she felt “blindsided” and then later that "she didn't care." I don’t know what ended up happening with Geraldine since April because I asked our friend in common not to mention her to me anymore. I did close the chapter by revealing a BOMBSHELL secret I had planned on taking to my grave. Senior year of high school, a few months before the incident, I ran into Daniel’s mom at a prayer group. Daniel’s mom said to me, “you know you are the one I wanted for my son, not Geraldine. Then a statement about how she reluctantly had to accept "that girl." ” I was in SHOCK and told her how Geraldine was a nice girl, etc. I also revealed a SECOND BOMBSHELL secret. A few years ago, the summer after college, I ran into Geraldine's ex Daniel at the same prayer group. He told me, "message me so we can hang out." (I guess I really did have a glow up in college). I never messaged him. I never told anyone because I didn’t want to hurt Geraldine’s feelings. But now I have nothing to lose, so I finally shared with our mutual friend and a few high school friends. I have in all honestly moved on. This will be the last time I speak about this. The real reason I made this update was to use this platform to educate people that severe bullying absolutely can cause complex trauma. There's literally studies on this. Bullying is a horrible umbrella term that encompasses things from teasing to violence and things that adults would get arrested for. And contrary to popular belief, some people bully because......they simply enjoy dominating others, especially those they perceive as weak. Secondly, I wanted to use this platform to inform others about about reactive violence when victims snap and go into "fight or flight" mode. Lastly, I think Geraldine may have seen this post because there was a fellow redditor following me around on many different comment threads and attacking my character and calling me names. The person's profile said he/she was living in NYC too. Very odd. I asked the redditor and he/she swore she wasn't Geraldine, but who knows. EDIT: Some questions you guys had: Yes, there were more things that Geraldine did that I didn’t share in the original OP. A few days after Edward palmed me, Geraldine randomly told me “You know ‘they’ are saying that you shouldn’t have been in his face.” She said it with an angry face too. (She’s referring to the fact that I went to tell Edward to stop telling the teacher to eliminate me as a dancer. And then you know what happened…) I was still in denial at the time and didn't want to see why she was saying that to me and dismissed it. And a year later, our freshman year of college, (we went to different colleges), when I tried to talk to her about her "holier than thou" statement shaming me for retaliating against bully Edward, she still maintained that what I did was wrong. She also would change the language and say he “smudged” me, when I had told her he “hit” me. (Again, she was NOT there in that part of the auditorium when the assault happened. She was only present when we got released and went outside and I was cursing out Edward). All this just reinforced my decision to move on. I truly feel like I have. No, I have absolutely no idea if Geraldine and bully Edward are still friends. At this point, I truly and honestly don't care who she decides to become friends with so I never cared to ask or inquire. Yes, letting go and cutting her off hurt like hell since wehave known each other since we were 6. But I truly feel liberated now that I have nothing connecting me or reminders forcing me to relive the trauma of Edward. Thank you for holding me down against the weird and absurd theory by some redditors that I, a female at 5’3 125 pounds, must have attacked first a 6’1 200 pound male and known bully who had a history of hitting women before me. I laughed too. Same for the “holier than thou” ENABLERS shaming me for blowing up and finally retaliating against the bully. As you guys stated, none of those people would be saying that if it were their own child, and people like that are why the world is the way it is. Yes, I did the EMDR therapy you guys recommended. It WORKED! I finish this month. It's been life changing! THANK YOU again! THIRD UPDATE - 9/16/2023 WHOA! I got notification this morning that my second update post/story blew up again. The spread of awareness of cPTSD is AWESOME! (I hope the message didn't get lost in all the trolling). I saw some comments about arrested development (i.e. I sound like I’m still a teenager) and recounting the incident in detail as if it happened recently. Well, that’s cPTSD and what a traumatic event does to a person. The memories are never processed to the long term memory part of the brain and it can be as if you stuck reliving memories and emotional states for years and years. Likewise, with delayed processing of emotions should have been processed as a teenager because the brain was too busy in survival mode during the teenage years. **For those who didn’t notice and who keep missing this: The original OP was over a YEAR ago, one right after the confrontation and before the EMDR therapy and processing. OVER a year ago. It's done. The purpose of this update was awareness.** Lastly, cPTSD and experiencing cPTSD symptoms are not something to be made fun of; I’ve learned to accept that trolls and the follower mentality and even the usual keyboard warriors are expected on a site like this. But anyone who can ridicule, poke fun or exhibit apathy in a story involving trauma to another person, consider yourself very lucky and privileged. Reddit Nation - I love you! Thank you, once more, for the support! **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITB for being upset by friend who has become close friends with my high school bully who palmed me in the face?

CONCLUDED

Ugandabekiddingme2

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16jn93b/aitb_for_being_upset_by_friend_who_has_become/

16jnpza

Fun Fact To Cover Spoilers: The busiest airport in the world is Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport in Atlanta, Georgia. Content Warning: >!Cheating, Lying, Sex Mentions Though Nothing Explicit!< Mood Spoilers:>! Upsetting, Somewhat Hopeful!< *The OOP is* u/Thr0wthisthingaway *who posted this on* r/relationship_advice \- [**41M questioning sexuality after making a new friend.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/csi07o/41m_questioning_sexuality_after_making_a_new/) **(August 19th, 2019)** Throwaway account as I am an avid Redditor. I have been contemplating writing this out because I feel like that action alone could offer me some much needed introspection. I will try not to drag on but I apologize If I do. I (41M) have always considered myself comfortable with who I have grown to be, I have worked hard in life, have a 4 year degree, a great career, financial stability, loving friends, wonderful family. In many ways I have done well for myself, however, in terms of love, I am missing my mark. I have been single for about 7 years, prior to that I have dated my fair share, never was engaged or married, but I've had long term relationships, weekend flings and everything in between. Following my last relationship I decided to take a break from the dating scene and work on my career goals. So far, it's paid off, jumping 2 promotions in 7 years. I have felt unfulfilled in that department, but I was surprised how easily I could go 7 years without missing dating or companionship. I just simply don't miss it much. A friend invited me out for beers and darts a few weeks ago. We usually go to the same little pub, where we know most of the normal faces. It's not uncommon for us to mix with the people playing at the board next to us. This night was no different, 2 guys set up on the board next to ours, we made small talk with them here and there, one of the men said his goodbyes and left, the other guy stayed behind and shot darts by himself, we offered him (lets call him James) a place on our board and shot some games of cut throat. things got fun, we drank quite a bit and we were having a lot of fun. My friend said he was ready to take off but James and I were having a good time so we decided to stay a bit longer. My friend took off, James and I had a couple more rounds, we had quite a bit in common and It felt like I was hanging out with an old friend. He told me he had a rec room with a pool table and dart boards at his house with a built in bar. He showed me a few pictures of the room and I was thoroughly impressed. He suggested we go hangout there and I was on board. Since neither of us drove to the bar, we caught an Uber to his house which was only a few minutes away. We shot a few games of pool and chatted about more personal stuff, our past relationships, careers, college, upbringing, etc. James is a lot like me, never married and a career-minded guy. Things sort of took a turn in conversation when James asked me about my sexuality. He asked if I ever had a phase or experimented. I sort of laughed a bit and said no no, that wasn't something I'd ever done. He made one or two small remarks about it in jest and that was it. About another hour past and I told him I was taking off, we exchanged numbers and agreed to hangout again the following weekend, foregoing the bar and hanging out at his place to cook out on the grill. I get home, off to bed, I get a text from him asking if I made it home safe, I didn't think too much into it but I did tell him I got home safe. The next day, Sunday. I got up and did my normal Sunday shuffle-off-the-Saturday-night-booze of going on a jog, hitting my favorite lunch spot and recovering the rest of the day on the couch. About 3p I get a text from James asking If I was interested in coming over around 6p, he was going to grill some fish up and have a couple friends over. I thought that would be fun, so I went. We had another good time, this time I only stayed a couple hours and when I got there he told me his two friends cancelled so it would just be us. It wasn't a huge deal, he was good company. I took off around 9p. He sent me a text about 10 minutes after leaving saying he had fun and is looking forward to the weekend plans we made. I texted him back that I was looking forward to it as well. The following day James sent me a text telling me about something funny that happened to him at work that morning, I don't keep my phone on me during work so I didn't see it until lunch time. I feel like it's important to note, I don't text people throughout the day, I guess I'm sort of old school but I don't chit chat with people via text often, so to me, James is reaching out more than I'm used to friends doing, but I didn't mind. I looked forward to talking to him. After work I went to the gym per usual and home. I saw someone who kinda looked like him, it made me think of him. On one of the TVs in front of the treadmills they were showing a TV show we talked about, it made me think of him. At the grocery store picking up dinner stuff, I walked past the seafood section and it made me think of him. We texted throughout the week, I even started keeping my phone at my desk so I could text him. This isn't like me at all. Finally Saturday comes around and plans go off like normal, I actually got to his place a couple hours early. He suggested I invite my friend I was with when we met (well call him Mark), I did and Mark came along with me. We all had a terrific time, James cooked for us, we had plenty to eat and drink, spent time in the pool, shot darts, it was a blast. The end of the night comes around, Mark said he wanted to take off and again, I felt the urge to stay and hangout longer. Which is exactly what I did. This time we sat on his pool deck until 2 am talking about everything you could imagine. I realized the time and had to take off, he understood and instead of shaking hands he hugged me, this is not usual for me whatsoever, but it felt so naturally acceptable, like I WANTED him to do it. I left and this time I texted him from my Uber telling him that I'll let him know when I arrive safely. That was a week ago, we didn't hangout this past weekend but we've texted daily and made plans to go hiking this coming Saturday. I thought about the way I feel about him and I've concluded it's the same way you feel when you meet someone who you fall in love with. Coupling that with his questioning me if I've ever fooled around with guys or had an 'experimental phase' kind of makes me think he feels the way I do and he may be gay or at least bi-sexual. I'm torn as far as what to do, because I love this feeling and I think I'm falling in love with this guy. It feels so strange to type that out but I think it's true. He is definitely flirting with me and I have decided I am definitely flirting back with him. Should I have a talk with him directly about this? Should I make a move on him? What if I do and it feels wrong? I have so many questions and I don't even know where to begin. Has anybody had this sort of thing happen? Is the reason I had no qualms with being single for so long because I lost interest in women subconsciously? I have never outwardly been attracted to guys, but this isn't an attraction to a person physicality, this is deeper than that, which is why it's really screwing with me. Sorry I rambled a lot, but just typing this has been therapeutic. Thank you for reading. TL;DR: Straight-identifying guy makes new friend at a bar, talks to him everyday, conflicted if I'm falling in love with him. *Update One and Update Two Are On The Same Link* [**Update One**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/cxzlcz/update_41m_questioning_sexuality_after_making_a/) Lots of you were wanting an update following our hangout on Saturday, the trip went well, we spent the entire day out hiking. I was very observant in our interactions, however, I didn't want to be so observant that I overthought anything or misinterpreted anything, so I went with the flow and the vibes were great. We hiked a trail for the better part of the day before stopping to rest before making the trek back down, when I had the opportunity in conversation I mentioned that I had thought about his question about me ever having a male-male experiment and I told him that although I hadn't ever really had one or considered it until that point, it stuck with me and I thought I might be curious to try it. I delivered this passively, just so not to put HIM on the spot, to my comfort, he received it well, he had some genuine sentiments about how short life is and how things are not always so black and white in terms of how things should be. It felt like the time to make a move but I just didn't do it. We were sitting less than 2 feet apart, looking at each other during this conversation and I just didn't do it. It was a matter of nerves getting the best of me. Plus, what if things went south, that'd be a long, awkward walk back to our car, followed by a long ride back to town. Fast forward to the following week, during the week we texted as much as normal, this time I've loosened things up using more emojis, being generally a bit 'flirty' and a bit risque but in a masculine, teasing way (using fitness and physique to goof with him) We got together last night for some drinks at the pub we met at, following that we went back to his house to play the new NBA 2k20 demo on PS4, I'll admit I'm not very good at video games and needless to say he beat me pretty bad, but I kept the competitive spirit alive and we had a blast. At the end of the night, around 11p I went to leave, I had been working myself up to kiss him all night, figuring it would be easier with some drinks in me. I went in for our hug, when I pulled back I kept my arms around his back, let him pull back until he was spaced back, he looked me right in the face and sort of smirked ' and I laid it on him, I went right in and kissed him. It was short, I didn't use much tongue, but I pulled back and said "I guess I can say I've experimented now, right?" and he sort of chuckled and said "yeah, I guess you can, man" he had a sort of confused smile on his face, I had one on mine AND IT WAS FIREWORKS IN MY STOMACH. I played it cool, I left and texted him when I got home that I was home safe and I thanked him again for a good time. He replied with a similar sentiment and to my surprise didn't ask me about the kiss. He asked if I wanted to come over Monday night for the Notre Dame game and a cook out, I told him I'd love to and I'll bring some ribs to cook. We have texted as normal today and I can't tell you how excited I am for Monday and to see what happens next. I know I waited awhile to update but I felt like I had nothing to update at the time of the hiking trip so I wanted to wait until I had more to report. I will post another update in the comment section here after Monday. Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who has given me advice and been so supportive. I feel like I'm living my life for the first time at the age of 41. **Update Two** **(August 31st, 2019)** Going forward I will be posting updates via my profile. If you'd like to follow me, I invite you. I will post updates as I have them until I have nothing left to update as well as answer questions! UPDATE #2 FOLLOWING MONDAY'S NOTRE DAME GAME: Leading up to Monday, we texted like normal, he convinced me to download Snapchat, which I had heard about but sort of wrote off as an app where teens and twenty-somethings exchange dirty pictures or where cheating spouses go to because the chats don't stick around. I bit and we had been snapping goofy pictures using the filters, things we bumped into throughout the day, this guy is seriously hilarious. He has this goofball sense of humor and knows how to bring light to any little interaction he comes across. Anyway, so Monday rolls around, I'm excited to hangout and nervous all at the same time. I knew he'd have other friends there, all of which I'd never met before and that wasn't helping the nerves. I get over there around 2. He has one friend already there and is expecting more. They trickle in and I'm doing my best to mingle with all the new faces, everyone is super friendly and made me feel like one of the boys. We cut up after the game, played some pool, James had been a bit distant from me that night, but it was understandable that he was manning the grill, and entertaining 8-10 people, he couldn't be everywhere at once. I was going to try to hang out until everyone cleared out so I could talk to him about the kiss, which is exactly what I did. I did my best to not elongate conversations so as to give off the "the nights winding down" vibe. After some time everyone left with the exception of one friend who was sleeping off the booze on his couch. I asked James if we could talk outside. We walk outside and the conversation went something like this: "I know I kissed you the other day, and I don't know if that was something I should have done, it just sort of felt like the right thing to do in the moment. I've just been thinking about our friendship a lot and I think I may be confused about what we are or where we're heading." I was absolutely out there now. No turning back, I basically just told him I had developed feelings for him and wanted to know where he stood with me. He didn't even hesitate to respond that he'd been wondering the same thing, why I haven't brought it up before now. Obviously I told him I had never been bisexual or gay before, but the texting all the time, the flirting, the KISS! He reassured me our friendship had a no-walls, open door, open communication thing. I could come to him with whatever was on my mind and I just teared up. It wasn't crying, just tearing up but it was so many emotions all at once. I gave him a hug and told him I appreciated that, we sat down and I explained to him how confused I've been these last couple weeks. How this is all new to me, he is such a good listener. I sort of just rattled off everything that's been on my mind regarding us, my confusion in sexuality, my fears. He is an active listener so he had a sentiment or an answer for most of the things I said, they were all comforting. He told me he has feelings for me, that he wasn't sure if he came on too strong. He is not openly gay, he has been bisexual since his teen years and he explained it that as he's gotten older he's hiding it less and cares less of what people think. Not all of his friends know, and the ones that do know don't care. A few of the guys from the party knew he was bi.I don't know what I would call the gut feeling I had, but explaining everything, talking about it, airing it out WITH him was like when you're reading a good book late at night in bed, the story's been confusing, you need answers which you think are coming any minute but flipping the page and a new chapter starting. Do you keep reading now or do you save it for tomorrow? I felt like we had gotten enough out in the air that we are on the same page. I have feelings for him, he has feelings for me, this is new for me, this is nothing new for him. He explained that nothing has to change in our friendship, if we wanted to get physical we could but I shouldn't be pressured. I wanted to kiss him, not like the first one where it was just a slight slip of my tongue and a lip press. I turned to him and put my hand on his knee and leaned in, he gently grabbed the back of my head, we kissed. Full on made out for what seemed like ever. It was the most satisfying kiss I've ever had. This where the physical stuff ends for me. (for now, anyway) I'm not ready for anything further than kissing at the moment. By this time it was nearly 3 in the morning and I had to go. He walked me to my car and we made out a second time before I got in. He told me to get home safe and I did. I texted him to let him know I got home safe and hopped in the shower. I was so emotionally charged that I couldn't get to sleep until around 5 AM. I ended up calling out of work Tuesday. James and I have plans to hangout again this weekend. He wants to go out for food and a place called Topgolf with me and some of his friends from the party, I've never golfed before so this should be interesting.. lol. I'm really looking forward to it and I'm just taking things day to day at this point. I know where we stand and I'm happy. Thank you for all of your support. I have hundreds of inbox messages with encouraging words, people who are confused about their sexuality etc. I just want you all to know that nobody should be afraid to be who they are. You only get one go around this earth and it would be a shame to waste it hiding from what you truly are, based on other peoples accord. I am learning this myself and I'm telling you, it's liberating. I'll post any other updates here, above this one. If anything big happens in the meantime I will post it, otherwise the next one will be after the weekend plans. [**UPDATE Following Topgolf**](https://shorturl.at/bQSUW) **(September 9th, 2019)** So, despite all the advice on this topic, despite my best efforts to loosen up, I woke up Sunday more sore than any workout has given me. Golfing really did take its toll on my body! For those who warned me of this, you can now say I told you so. Saturday was terrific. I met with James and 2 of his friends at his house around lunchtime, we went out for a bite to eat and hit the road on an almost 2 hour trip out to Topgolf. James drove us, he and his friends are all big sports guys, more than just keeping up with scores and highlights, they all love going into rosters, predictions, they play fantasy leagues for most every sport and it's a bit hard to keep up with them I must admit. I found myself secretly googling some things they were talking about along the ride. Nevertheless, he has a fun group of friends. During the trip up they found out I've never owned a gun and have only shot one when I was a kid. They convinced me we need to change that and go hit a shooting range sometime real soon. So we get to Topgolf, got a bay and let me tell you, this place is awesome. A bit pricey but I guess it's all in the experience. We had a good time hanging out and they had a hell of a surprise when I was shooting better than one of the guys who'd been golfing since he was a kid. One of his friends got pretty drunk and sat out the last hour or so (I'll call him Justin) in the truck. His friend who stuck around (I'll call him Chris) left to take a phone call. James had been flirty most of the night, but not so outwardly that his friends could pick up on it. I tried to follow suit, but I was not as confident as he is, admittedly. When we had a few minutes to ourselves he asked me if I wanted to stick around when we got back to the house, go for a swim or just watch a movie. I told him I would love that. We didn't stay too late, we took off pretty quickly after Chris got back. On the ride home, it was pretty quiet. Justin was passed out and Chris was buried in his phone. We dropped Justin and Chris off at their houses on the way back and went back to James' house. He made us a couple drinks and we sat on his patio talking about how fun the days been and just cutting up about the golf and his friend getting plastered. I hadn't brought a swimsuit along so James lent me one, He was pretty reserved and seemed a little shy once we got to his house and for the first time I felt like I had the lead in the way things went. I think he was being a little reserved so as not to come on too strong. When we were swimming around, I approached him and just went for it. I put my arms around him and kissed him. It got a little heavy and he went for a reach. I sort of stopped him and by moving my hips back and he got the idea, we just kissed and floated in the pool for at least half an hour. He suggested we go watch a movie and lay on the couch. That sounded so nice, I can't even tell you. We toweled off, changed clothes and that's exactly what we did. We put on a movie and just laid on the couch. I was so comfortable laying on him that I fell asleep not even halfway through the movie. He let me sleep through it and woke me up when it was over. He told me I could stay the night if I wanted to. I did. He closed up the house and shut everything down, led me to his room and we jumped into bed. I don't want to make this too NSFW but we did end up fooling around (we didn't have sex) and it was honestly better than I played it out in my mind. Like a lot better. I was really, really nervous but I don't know why I was so nervous.. We fell asleep and I woke up to him up and already showered and changed, he told me he got a text that he needed to be somewhere ASAP, I didn't delay, I got up and dressed. He joked that he wanted to make me breakfast and that he owed me a home made breakfast next time. That made me smile so big. He walked me to the door and kissed me before I opened it. I left and he sent me a text about an hour later saying he had a really good night and wanted to do it again this coming up weekend. I told him I am supposed to take this weekend to help a family member with a move, but maybe we could get together one day after work. He said that was a good idea, we texted all day yesterday off and on and I couldn't stop replaying every single second of our interaction. From before Topgolf, to back at his house, to the bedroom stuff. It all keeps replaying like I'm editing a movie. I just keep analyzing everything I can remember and I think if I keep doing that it's going to drive me crazy, but it's like I am trying to relive parts of it to feel the same feelings I felt in the moments. I think we're going for food this Wednesday so I will be sure to let you all know what happens after that. Thank you to those sticking around. This platform is really helping me work through this whole situation and in some ways it's giving me a confidence I don't think I'd have otherwise. So thank you, once again. [**Following Wednesdays meetup**](https://shorturl.at/jkruA) **(September 12th, 2019)** This will be a short update, but we did meet Wednesday so I wanted to update you all on that since I don't think I'll see him again until next weekend. Possibly again throughout next week, but that's not certain yet. Regarding where he had to rush off to so fast following our sleepover, since a lot of you messaged me and speculated on that; he had a work related obligation to take care of spring up, nothing fishy, I promise! I also don't really want to go into the NSFW details here, a bunch of people messaged me asking for a play-by-play, which I didn't want to do, but maybe one day I'll make a post tagged NSFW describing what it was like to be with a man for the first time. So Wednesday, we decided to go for a late lunch/early beer at a place neither of us had been to, I dipped out of work a couple hours early and we met up. It was super casual, I was a mix of emotions anticipating seeing him. I felt a little vulnerable after been sexual with him, which I was, for lack of a better term, clunky with.. But that all washed away when I saw him standing in the restaurant seating area, I just became overjoyed with happiness and smiled like a school kid seeing their first crush. We stayed about 2 hours, both got a couple flights of beers, tried new beers that I'd never heard of, ate food I'd never order on my own, James really brings this side of me out that life is too short not to try new things because you never know what you'll fall in love with until you give it a chance.. We talked about possibly going to the shooting range either next weekend or maybe just sticking around the house for BBQ with some friends. I told James I wanted to start introducing him to some of my friends. Until now only one of my friends has met him and only 2 others have even heard about him, and they know very little about him. We parted ways with a hug, when he pulled me in, he did kiss me on my neck. It made my hair stand up and gave me goosebumps. I drove home with a smile and we talked on the phone for about an hour before I headed off to bed. He hasn't texted me yet today but he did open the Snapchat I sent him this morning. I will make sure I post again if anything else happens, but as promised I'm gonna continue updates for you all! [**I told my sister about James**](https://shorturl.at/kmGX8) **(September 15th, 2019)** The headline really sums it up. As I said in a previous update, this weekend was dedicated to helping my sister (37) move. She recently broke up with a long time boyfriend and is making a move 200+ miles away to live with a longtime friend, I agreed to help her with the move, I met her at her house, helped get the U-Haul loaded up with the boxes of stuff and what little furniture she's bringing and rode with her out to the new place, We'd stay the night in the new place and she would drive me back this morning. I just got home about an hour ago. We had a considerably long ride back and since the entire trip to the new place and most of the night she vented hardcore about her now ex and talked about how good it felt to be rid of him, I figured I would ask her advice and possibly give her some good news on the ride back. She and I have always had a strong bond, we've both kept our dating lives mostly to ourselves other than normal day to day things, meaning we never divulged into the super personal relationship stuff. I basically started off our conversation by telling her, I had a little dating news of my own. She responded somewhat surprised and asked where I met her. My stomach felt like it nearly caved in and I sort of perked up and said "Well.. I met him at \_\_\_\_\_ and we hit it off and have been talking almost everyday and I think you'd really like him" She sort of paused and I was looking at her while I told her, she just started smiling and turned to me and I could tell she wanted to scream at me with some sort of happy emotion and she just goes "Marcus!! Are you kidding me?! That is wonderful!" "Wait, am I the first person you've told?" I told her she was indeed the first person to know, she reassured me she wouldn't blab to our parents or anyone for that matter, which I trust she wouldn't. She had so many questions about how this happened, I turned her to the Reddit community, showed her the posts, we read hundreds of comments together, she was in tears over how heartfelt and how supportive a group of strangers could be and how helpful and amazing this is for me and my life. We had pulled off at a rest stop to look over the posts and talk. She was just flabbergasted over everything - in a good way. It felt so good to tell someone about him, until now I have had you all to discuss this entire thing with, which has been a saving grace, but knowing that this is someone who is a part of my family, somebody I could go on record to say knows me just as well as I know myself, it was so elating. Such a happy range of emotions. I haven't told James that I told my sister about him, he knew I was helping her this weekend and we haven't talked much. I think I'm going to call him and see if he wants to go out for a drink tonight to celebrate. By the way, my name is actually Marcus. :-) [**Recent Happenings!**](https://shorturl.at/fwAOW) **(September 26th, 2019)** I want to apologize for not updating everyone sooner, I logged in to read the new comments and I was surprised by how many people were concerned with how things were going and sent me messages wishing well and anticipating a new update. The reason I haven't updated lately is really because I wanted to spend some time working on things and focusing on how I felt about things and experienced them without the (much appreciated and loved) help of Reddit. I wanted to make sure I was doing this for ALL the right reasons and I didn't feel like I was only doing things in rapid succession to fuel the desire to know what was going on by all of you. I wasn't. I felt like not having the updates would be good for me but I think they help me more than I was willing to realize at first, so from here on out, I promise I will update at least twice a week! A number of things have happened over the last 10 days. I called James to tell him that I had told my sister about him, he seemed enthusiastic and really happy to hear how well received it was, we talked about all of us getting together when she came back for a visit. He asked me if I'd like to meet his mom (his only local relative) for dinner at her house the following night, I was a mix of nervous and excited but of course I said yes! I thought about it the entire next day, played out every single way the scenario could unfold, what I would wear/say, etc. James picks me up from my house that afternoon and reassured me his mother is a sweetheart and he only told her he was bringing a "dear friend" to join them. To add, his father is no longer with us and his mother lives alone here in our town, James and his mom are very close. We get there and of course she is thrilled to see him. He is so sweet and just vibrant. The way he lights up when he sees her, his voice changes a bit when he talks to her, he becomes softer, more attentive and calm. It's so attractive to me. I swear I fall deeper and deeper in love with this man every time we see each other. Anyway, we get there and she greets us and walks us in, her house is small, very cozy and smells like cinnamon and apple. It just feels like a mothers home. This is the house James grew up in, there are family pictures, pictures of him playing sports, trophies, and medals all over. I try not to peer around too much, but once his mother shuffled off to the dining room from the living room to check on dinner, I told him I was gonna ask his mom to see his baby pictures, jokingly. He turned bright red and we both laughed. We joined his mom in the dining room to a plate of food, she made us Shepherds pie and insisted we eat these lemon torts she made for us when we were finished. The conversation was light and happy, she asked me how I knew James, so I told her the abridged version that we'd met through chance and became fast friends. I wasn't sure that I should say anything about us, not 2 minutes after I told her that, James turned to her and said "Mom, Marcus and I are seeing each other, he beat me at golf so I don't think it's gonna last long, so enjoy his presence while it lasts" and smirked widely at me and we all laughed out loud. My laugh consisted of 90% nervousness. To my surprise she sort of gasped and said "oh my goodness, you two! That's so sweet!" She treated me like a son in law, it was so SO comforting, I breathed a sigh of relief, and we finished eating. I did what I told James I would and told his mom I wanted to get a better look at James pictures she had placed throughout the house. She wasted no time walking me trough the house showing her little boy off. James stayed behind and cleared the table and washed the dishes (what a gentleman!) It was so incredibly sweet to be so well accepted, welcomed, even, into his families home and that she would share stories about him growing up, photos, just everything. James has been open to his mother about his homosexuality and she has accepted that and has been supportive in his life. After dinner, James asked if I wanted to go to his house for a night cap, which I told him, I wanted him to come to MY house for one, since he'd never been there. He was of course on board and that's what we did! We stopped off at a Total Wine and got a nice bottle of wine to celebrate what we've accomplished so far, although, I think he knows I'm the one who's hit a lot of milestones in my life with myself and my sexuality. He's certainly happy to be here with me but he knows this is all so very new for me. My place, while modest, is clean, upkept, modern and comfortable. He flattered me and complimented all kinds of things about my home. It isn't nearly what his home is, but he was happy to see where I lived. We drank down our wine and spent time on the couch watching a movie. We ended up arm in arm and before long, hot and heavy. I slept with James. I won't go into details here, but I will make a post next update marking it NSFW and discuss what it was like and what happened. Don't expect too much graphic detail, but I will talk about it. It was amazing. He's such an affectionate person, he stayed in my bed with me until almost 2:30 in the morning holding me. He finally had sobered up enough to make the short trek home, I stayed up and waited for him to tell me he'd gotten home okay, which he did. I fell asleep replaying everything from the dinner to the night at my house over and over again in my head. I'm so content with everything in my life right now and It brings me joy to share it with you all. We have plans to hangout this Saturday, we are going to see a movie and then going swimming at his house. I'll be sure to update following that. Thanks for sticking with me, Reddit! [**It's been awhile - I'm sorry.**](https://shorturl.at/jrC37) **(March 9th, 2020)** Reddit! Hello! I'm not dead like some commenters have said in my posts, I haven't moved, none of that is true. I abruptly stopped posting on Reddit because I told James about the posts, I showed him the posts and he wasn't thrilled. It could have been the way I told him, the timing, who knows if it could have been handled differently but I showed him the account, the thousands of uplifting, positive comments and he was blown away, not in the way I was hoping he would be. He felt like the constant updates on everything we were doing, everything that happened was a bit too personal to be sharing with eager strangers, I defended you all, explaining that without the guidance and push from all of you, I may not have had the courage to act on my feelings, hell I may have just repressed them and never knew what to make of them and we may never have gotten where we were if it hadn't been for Reddit. He insisted we keep our relationship a bit more private and ultimately I agreed and accepted, promising I wouldn't log back in to the account or talk about our relationship to anyone anymore. weeks passed, then months and things seemed to be going great, until they weren't. I found out that he had been cheating on me with not one person, not two people, but more than 10 times with more than 5 partners! I admit that I had gotten jealous a few times and had asked him about some new friends he'd made and had been very friendly with, he always brushed it off and assured me I was the only twinkle in his eye, but something nagged at me to look at his phone. I had a chance to do it, so I did. He left it on his coffee table and fell asleep in the bedroom, I snuck out, grabbed the phone and unlocked it. I told myself I would ONLY check messages between him and his new friend, I scrolled through and it didn't take long to determine that my suspicions were right, loving messages, dirty pictures, it was heart wrenching. I started shaking and wanted to just run away. Something told me to go through the whole phone so I looked further. Found out he had a Tinder account and another dating app full of messages from men and women, there's no way of knowing exactly how many people or how many times he cheated but I could account for at least 10 meet ups between 5 people and more than a dozen people with dirty texts and picture swapping. I collected everything that belonged to me from his house, pulled my house key from his key ring and took off. He woke up and called me very early in the morning to ask where I was, I told him I found him out, I lashed at him for what he did to me, and he lashed back for violating his privacy by rooting through his phone. I was appalled. I violated your privacy? What about my trust?? My heart?? Did that mean nothing? This guy I fell so hard for was an absolute monster. When I took a hard look at our relationship I realized he was controlling and manipulative. He'd talk his way around my better judgement and he convinced me of anything he wanted me to believe. This happened 2 Thursdays ago. I waited to get on here and post until today because I wanted to clear my mind and collect my thoughts. I am so sorry I didn't update you, I feel like I let you down. I hope you all understand my absence. For now and the future, I will keep my spirits high. This whole experience has been an emotional roller coaster, it's taught me things I never knew about myself and it's shaped me into a new man. I'm hurt yes, but I'm optimistic and in high spirits. I have a good support system between my family and friends and I know I have you all. You've always been here for me and I couldn't thank you all enough.

A man questions his sexuality after making a new friend

CONCLUDED

boru_posts

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16jnpza/a_man_questions_his_sexuality_after_making_a_new/

16jwrbx

**I am not the OP. Original post is by** u/Ok_Sort_2256 **in** r/AITAH TW: >!Infidelity, (claims of) attempted suicide, mental health issues!< Mood Spoiler: >!Good for OOP, all things considered!< \~\~\~ [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15rpx32/aita_for_not_wanting_anything_to_do_with_my/) \- Aug. 15, 2023 **AITA for not wanting anything to do with my brother even after he tried to delete himself?** I (27m) haven't spoken or seen my brother "Kevin" in 5 years. I barely speak to our parents or anyone in the family. When I was 22 and Kevin was 25, I found out that my girlfriend of 3 years was having an affair with Kevin. I broke up with her and moved back into my parents place, showing my parents the proof of the affair. After a month of ignoring Kevin's attempt to reach out and being cold when he would come around to apologize my parents told me it was time to forgive him. They even went as far to stage an intervention with my ex, Kevin, and extended family, to give me reasons why I should forgive them, especially Kevin. All this did was hurt me more. I told him what they did was unforgivable, especially when it came to Kevin because he was my brother. I looked up to him, I would've done anything for him, we were really close and he betrayed me in the worst way. A couple of months after that I got the chance to get far away from them and took it. I went no contact with Kevin and my parents. For the last couple of months I've been in contact with a cousin because my grandmother has been having health issues, and it got worse so I went back to visit her in the hospital. On the way out I unfortunately ran into Kevin. He wanted to talk but I pretended I didn't know him and he started to cry saying he was sorry and he wanted to have a relationship. I told him he must have me mistaken for someone else and left. My cousin then called me later saying Kevin has a really bad mental breakdown about what happened. Apparently ever since I cut contact with him, his mental health has declined a lot. Then my parents called me and begged me to see Kevin, that being there for him would give him a peace of mind. They pressured my cousin into giving them my number. I told them I wasn't gonna do that. Mom started crying saying she wanted her family back, that she wanted her sons being close again. I told her that Kevin, her and dad ruined that, that I didn't care about them anymore. My dad then asked if we all sat down, talked, and apologized for all the hurt we caused each other, that things could be the way they were before. I said I didn't want to talk and I have nothing to apologize for. The next day, my dad called and I could tell he was crying, he said Kevin tried swallowing a bunch of pills. Apparently they told Kevin what I said and it pushed him over the edge. My parents found him in time and now he's in the hospital. They think I can make his mental health better if I just have a relationship with him again but I don't want one. I don't feel it's fair to put his mental health on me. I don't even know how I would even help him when everytime I think of him all I feel is rage, hurt, and betrayal. He's my brother but I just don't want nothing to do with him. So am I the asshole for not wanting anything to do with my brother? \~\~\~ **Relevant Comments:** \-*Before I moved away and my parents were trying to get me to talk to my brother I told them I wanted some space from him. They didn't listen, they kept setting up meetings for us to talk. When I told them I needed space from them, they doubled down on me never leaving me alone. Always in my space and in my ear. My brother wouldn't stop trying to get me to talk to him even when I asked him to. I told him I needed to get my thoughts together before I talked to him and he just wouldn't back off which made everything worse. The first couple of weeks when I moved away my parents kept asking when I was coming back, when I was going to fix things, when we were going to go back to normal. When I told them to just back off, let me think, let me decide if or when I wanted to talk to my brother but they didn't. It's why I went no contact because I couldn't get peace, I couldn't think clearly with them in always telling me what I should do. Not what's best for me at that moment. I did miss them at first but now they're doing what they did before.* [(Source)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15rpx32/comment/jwc1vbt/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \-*They said they were sorry but they couldn't help it. That they were in love and are soulmates. They wanted to tell me but didn't know how. That they never wanted to hurt me because they loved me but I needed to understand them. That's all it boiled down to, they were in love with each other for a while and finally couldn't hold it anymore. They basically kept repeating the same things over and over again just in different ways. I don't know if they were dating during the intervention, they could have but I'm not sure.* [(Source)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15rpx32/comment/jwoyuit/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \-*They dated a year after I left but broke up because my grandparents and some other family members crucified them* [(Source)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15rpx32/comment/jwccie7/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \-*The intervention was a bunch of people telling me why I should forgive Kevin and my ex, especially Kevin. It was a bunch of excuses from Keven and my ex. All the apologies from Kevin were "I'm sorry but".* *Kevin always had excuses, he never seemed truly sorry. It seemed like he just wanted to be over and done with, like it was a petty argument.* *The affair was 1 year, then after I left they dated for a year.* *I found out because I had to use her laptop and her messages are connected to her laptop. A message from my brother popped up, which I thought was odd because they would barely socialize with each other. So I decided to check the messages and there were pictures, videos and texts.* [(Source)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15rpx32/comment/jwox8vp/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \~\~\~ [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16dters/update_aita_for_not_wanting_anything_to_do_with/) \- Sept. 8, 2023 **Update- AITA for not wanting anything to do with my brother even after he tried to delete himself?** First of all I want to say thank you for everyone's advice and how they experienced similar things and how they dealt with it. I know I didn't reply much but I read everything so thank you so much. First things first, a bunch of people were saying I should thank Kevin for saving me from my ex gf, which is really horrible because he's my brother, not some random dude. No, I don't want Kevin to die, I just don't want a relationship with him. I was going to propose to my ex. My brother knew this. He knew how much I cared about her so yeah I'm not thankful towards him at all. I still talk a good bit of my extended family, especially my grandparents. I'm also in therapy too. On to the update- Kevin actually didn't try to commit suicided but he had a really bad mental breakdown which led my parents to take him to the hospital. My parents decided to tell me he tried to commit suicide to get me to see him because they believed that I could help him. Kevin is okay now but he'll be closely watched because he is suicidal, I don't know if he's getting the help he actually needs or if my parents are just keeping him home. How I found this out was from my uncle Rey. He called me because my mom ran crying to him after their plan didn't work and told him everything so he called me after he found out. I then called my parents and told them any chance we had at reconnecting was none. Not only did they lie about what happened to Kevin, they used him as a pawn which hurt him more than anything. That they are sick in the head and need help. They tried to explain that they only wanted to get their family back together. That they missed how close Kevin and I used to be. I told them that would never happen especially because of what they did, that Kevin didn't need me, he needs professional help. My dad then screamed at me saying it's my job as his brother to help him. That I'm supposed to be there for him no matter what. That Kevin loves me but made a mistake that he shouldn't be punished for. My mom then started agreeing with dad saying it was time for me to come home and be a happy family again. I told them I was done and never to contact me again. They started calling me days on end but then suddenly stopped. My grandmother is out of the hospital and back home. She's the reason the calls stopped. I didn't tell her anything that's going on because I didn't want to stress her but she found out through Rey. According to Rey, when he told her what had been happening she demanded him to take her to my parents house then she ripped them a new one that they started crying, especially dad since it's his parents. She told them that they wouldn't no longer be a part of this family even though they were barely a part of it anyways. She also went to see Kevin and told him that he needs professional help and if he wants it she'll help him get it. She also told him that she would not kick him out of her life completely but he had to fix a lot of things about himself to really be back into the family. Grandmother is also a little mad at me for not telling her what was happening. I was trying to justify it but she hit me on the back of my head and told me it didn't matter which made my grandpa laugh. They told me that they would make sure my parents wouldn't get through to me and to make sure that Kevin is getting the help he needs to get better. I told them I appreciate them but to not get so stressed especially with Grandma coming out of the hospital but again a solid hit to the head shut that down. They told me as grandparents they're supposed to help they're grandkids, especially the ones that really need it. Grandma went to explain that she knows the hurt Kevin has caused but he needs help desperately and I agreed with her. Grandpa then explained that they would help him and make sure my parents are doing right by him. They will also make sure that nobody in the family contacts me that I wouldn't want to be contacted by. My grandmother told me if I hide anything from her again I wouldn't want to be caught by her. So no more secrets from Grandma. So that's it for now, Kevin should be getting the help he needs and my parents are getting their asses kicked by grandma. I'm fine with how the situation ended. I've been staying in contact with my grandparents more and I've been talking to more family. \~\~\~ *Marked as concluded for now, since OOP is being left alone and has his head-smacking grandma to back him up!* **Reminder - I am NOT the original poster. Don't forget that commenting on the original posts is not allowed.**

AITA for not wanting anything to do with my brother even after he tried to delete himself?

CONCLUDED

SJDude13

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16jwrbx/aita_for_not_wanting_anything_to_do_with_my/

16jyjmf

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Original\_Station\_321](https://www.reddit.com/user/Original_Station_321/). He posted in r/AITAH **Trigger Warning:** >!discussion of childhood trauma!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!communication helps!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16c18xw/aitah_for_telling_my_wife_our_sons_ridiculous/)**: September 6, 2023** My (48M) wife Mary (50F) has always coddled our son Mickey (28M). Mickey was born premature and spent time in the NICU. Mary was very protective of him. She was a helicopter parent and constantly overextended herself for Mickey’s sake. One thing that annoyed me was that she would constantly hug and kiss our son. That wasn’t a problem. The problem was she would be sad and moody if he didn’t give her one. She also had a payment for a kiss thing with Mickey. I tried to Mickey would grow older and he wouldn’t appreciate being coddled by his mom so much but she was convinced her precious baby boy wouldn’t be a mean nasty man who hated hugs and kisses. I guess she was right. Mickey got married a few years ago to Diane. She’s a stand up woman with a good head on her shoulders. She’s straightforward and logical. I was a little worried about Mary because everyone knows how mothers and daughters in law don’t get along but she loved Diane, at least until Mickey came to her with his marital problems. In the past couple of years, he told Mary Diane was drifting away from him. They were very close to being separated though I don’t think my son would’ve ever divorced her. Long story short, Diane passed out at the wheel and got into a nasty accident. She was later told she had an autoimmune disease that has fatigue as a side effect. Diane needs a wheelchair most of the time but she’s not paralyzed. Mickey has been taking care of her and he’s doing a pretty good job. They seem to have a happy, stronger marriage. Today, my wife was a nervous wreck. She told me Mickey and Diane visited. Our town is not wheelchair friendly so Diane needs a lot of help. Mary told me that Mickey asked Diane to pay him with hugs and kisses and he was smothering her with affection. I asked Mary if Diane seemed afraid, upset, or annoyed. She said no. I told Mary I didn’t see a problem with an inside joke between a married couple. Mary burst out that it was wrong because of how helpless Diane was. I told her that one, Diane wasn’t helpless, and two, our son’s ridiculous behavior was her fault. Mary modeled that hugs and kisses were required to show love and Mickey was doing what he learned. Hell, he learned the whole paying with a kiss from Mary! She stormed off and has been giving me the silent treatment. AITAH? ***Relevant Comments:*** *Your son's behavior probably didn't start with his wife's illness, so NTA:* "It probably didn’t start when Diane got sick, but I know Mickey did it a lot more. I think he feels guilty and worried for Diane’s health so he’s showing his love the best way he knows how. I don’t know why my wife is so upset. I would’ve thought she would be flattered and boast that she was right." ***There is no consensus bot on AITAH, but most comments were NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16eex40/update_i_said_our_sons_ridiculous_behavior_was_my/)**: September 9, 2023 (3 days later)** A lot of the responses said that my wife Mary was jealous of Diane (our daughter in law) or inappropriately close with Mickey (our son). But she welcomed Diane with open arms and treated her as the daughter she never had We invited Diane and Mickey over for a bite. Well, Mary did. She commented a few times under breath that Mickey was doing too much PDA and sent him to the grocery store. Then she interrogated Diane on if she felt comfortable, if anything was bothering her, and told Diane to let her know if anything ever worried her because Mary would pick her up. No judgement. I was baffled. Diane thanked Mary but said she was fine. Mickey came back and we had a nice time though I noticed Mary kept an eye on them the entire time they were at our home. After they were gone, I turned on Mary and asked her what the hell she was doing. She stammered that she had no idea what I was talking about. I told her she was being really weird and asked her point blank if she was jealous that Mickey was doing “their thing” with Diane. She broke down and said she wasn’t jealous, she was downright uncomfortable. Then she told me that she hated the way Mickey used an innocent thing between mother and child for husband and wife. I asked her why it bothered her. She said that it looks bad - a man demanding affection in exchange for helping his physically disabled wife. She emphasized that Diane was more helpless here than she could be. We live in a mountainous town that’s not wheelchair friendly. Diane can’t drive anymore. She had to rely on Mickey. Mary had to ask Diane and make sure she was really okay. I asked her if she had so little trust in her own son to be a good person. Mary said her own father seemed like a good person to others but he was not a good father or husband. Mary’s late mother was physically disabled and likely had anxiety and depression because of her disability and her husband’s controlling behavior. She wasn’t allowed to go out of the house and had no money. Her husband threatened to throw her in an asylum if she tried to leave, with or without the kids. So Mary’s mother (my MIL) would reward children with kisses and hugs if they helped her out. They did chores, like washing dishes or laundry or helping her make a meal, in exchange for extra hugs and kisses since her mother didn’t have an allowance to give them. Her mother passed away when she was a teenager. Mary had never mentioned much of her childhood before now. Mary passed that tradition down to Mickey but it changed it a little bit since she liked to spoil Mickey. Seeing it in a not parent to child context and with Diane being physically disabled was pretty disturbing to Mary and she was getting panic attacks thinking about it. Mickey does look like his grandfather. He takes after Mary’s features so I think it also made her upset. I sat her down and said that I understood where she was coming from and we could figure it out together. I called up Mickey and told him the history behind his grandparents and Mickey said he got why it trigged his mom and he wouldn’t do it front of Mary anymore. Mary said that she felt hurt I assumed she was jealous and insecure of Diane instead of worried for her. I deeply hurt her feelings. I apologized but she’s still hurt. Edit: I got messages saying I was unclear on what Mickey was doing that made my wife so upset. So, Mary’s mother would give Mary a hug and a kiss for doing the dishes, for example. Mary would give her mom a hug for making dinner or sewing up her clothes, since her mom didn’t have much energy. When Mary had Mickey, she would get him ice cream or a trip to the park and ask for a hug in exchange. Now, when Diane needed help getting in our house, Mickey would joke that he would help in exchange for a kiss. Or he would help her at meals and ask for a hug or kiss then. Now, Mickey would never not help his wife if she didn’t give him a kiss, just like Mary wouldn’t have denied him a snack or a trip to the park as a kid if he didn’t want a hug, but it’s triggering for Mary because of her past. Mickey promised to stop making the “a kiss as payment” joke, not stop affection with Diane. I feel bad because Mary said I assume the worst of her. Maybe it was the natural conclusion but I shouldn’t have accused her and just asked her what was going on.

AITAH for telling my wife our son’s ridiculous behavior was her fault?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16jyjmf/aitah_for_telling_my_wife_our_sons_ridiculous/