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16vy3a3

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Shot-Independent8641](https://www.reddit.com/user/Shot-Independent8641/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole, r/AITAH and her own page. **Mood Spoiler:** >!Happy ending for OOP!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16l9www/aita_for_calling_my_former_bully_beyond_repulsive/)**: September 17, 2023** **Throwaway and this happened recently so bear with me** I (F18) started university this year. My school is located outside my home province, so I wasn’t expecting to see too many people from high school here. However, I did see this one guy from high school, Thomas (M18), here. To say Thomas and I had a difficult past is a bit of an understatement. He tormented my friends, especially me, during our preteen years and for the first two years of high school. He would always call me the most hurtful things and was your typical bully. I don’t know why he hated me, though I think he probably thought I was an easy target. He stopped picking on us around grade 11, and I thought that was it. Apparently, according to some of my friends, he turned over a new leaf around that time. Fast forward, and I see him during orientation week. He approached me and said hi. I returned his greeting, and we made some small talk, but I tried to keep things relatively short. During this chat, I learned that (surprise, surprise) we're in the same program and even in the same residence building. He seemed happy with this, as in his words, it was nice to see a familiar face. Over the next few weeks, we’ve been chatting pretty regularly given that we do have pretty similar schedules. I’ve been trying to give short, polite answers, but whenever we talk, he just doesn’t shut up. I sometimes suspect that he actively seeks me out for a chat. Earlier today, when I was at the campus gym, I saw Thomas. I tried to avoid his general area in the gym and kept my AirPods in my ears, hoping that he would not notice me. About halfway through my set, I heard him call out to me. We talked for a bit (I was annoyed at this stage, as he did interrupt my workout), and then he starts asking me if I need help with any of the equipment or anything like that and that he could personally train me. I declined his offer, and then he bluntly asked me out. I didn’t think I heard him properly, so I asked him to repeat what he said. He then said he wanted to take me out for lunch or something like that. I said something along the lines of now wouldn’t be a good time, but he persisted and said that it could be fun. At this stage, I snapped. I told him that I thought he was beyond repulsive and dumb as shit if he thought I’d go out with him. He looked very shocked at this, and before anything else could be said, I grabbed my bag and left. Later, I told my roommate about this, and she said that I was sort of an ass, but that she could understand where I was coming from. AITA? ***Relevant Comments:*** *In all this time you've been talking, has he ever apologized?* "He kinda of apologized back in grade 11, he's made no reference to our past aside from "its nice to see someone familiar" for the past few weeks." ***OOP is voted NAH in AITA, but a majority of comments on AITAH are NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16q34o0/update_aita_for_calling_my_former_bully_beyond/)**: September 23, 2023 (6 days later)** **Before I go on with the update, I'd like to thank everyone who responded to my first post. I appreciate it!** Given that we are in the same res and share several classes (and a 3-hour Monday lab), I have been catching some glimpses of Thomas from time to time throughout the week. I saw him a lot on Monday given our lab, but we didn't speak. Throughout the rest of the week, I didn't see him too much and was starting to think things would end there. That was until Thursday night. I was hanging out in the dining area of the res, catching up on some readings. It was around 9 pm, so the area was largely empty. About 15 minutes into my readings, I saw Thomas and who I’m assuming is his roommate, walking around (I think they were just grabbing some food or something). I continued doing my readings, and then I just saw him (I guess his roommate left by this stage) standing pretty close by. When I looked at him, he asked if he could speak with me. I said fine. The only reason I think I did bother listening to him was because I felt faintly bad for lashing out the previous weekend. He told me that he was very sorry for bothering me in the gym when I appeared busy, and he should have known that I’d still have reservations about talking with him given how he treated me in the past. He went on for a good few minutes about how terrible he was and how much grace I had for even speaking with him for the past few weeks. Then he started saying things like how there were no excuses for his behaviour and so on. I asked him that if he thought there were no excuses, then why did he picked on me. Since I was a pretty quiet kid, I said that he probably thought I was an easy target. He denied this and just became quiet around this stage. I asked again, and then he said that he did it because he liked me “for a very long time,” were his exact words. He also said he wanted me to go out with him last weekend so that he could apologize more formally because he respected me. I will admit, I felt really annoyed at this stage, so I told him his apparent feelings were a cop-out and that he probably thought it would make me forgive him. I told him that him telling me this made my stomach churn. He looked a little surprised at this and didn’t say anything. I then told him that if he had any of his so-called respect for me, he’d keep his distance. He agreed and said that he was sorry for bothering me again. Friday passed by pretty smoothly, and I don’t remember seeing him at all, so hopefully, he got the message. ***Relevant Comment:*** *You mentioned in your previous post that he bullied your friends. Is he saying he had a crush on them as well?* "When I told my friends about it, they were saying that if he went to one of their universities he'd probably say the same thing to them." &#x200B;

AITA for calling my former bully "beyond repulsive" and "dumb as shit" after he kept bothering me in the gym?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16vy3a3/aita_for_calling_my_former_bully_beyond_repulsive/

16wd6la

**\*\*I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Character_Welder5023 **in** r/amithebuttface\*\*\*\*\*\* trigger warnings: >!Bodily Functions!< **AITBF for not wanting to disrupt my daughters life for a ring** ([Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheButtface/comments/16j2jsr/aitbf_for_not_wanting_to_disrupt_my_daughters/)) - Thursday Sept 14 2023 Yesterday, I was making steak, carrots, corn and mashed potatoes for dinner, and I was wearing my diamond wedding ring. Unfortunately, I lost it in the process, but I didn't realize it until a few hours after supper was finished. Panic set in, and I began retracing my steps, but it was nowhere to be found. After racking my brain, it dawned on me that I had the ring on when I was cooking for some reason. On the off chance that it fell off while I was preparing food, my husband decided to use a metal detector to find it "just in case". Much to our surprise, we discovered that our middle daughter had eaten it. She's always in a rush and eats a lot, so she just shovels it in. While I find it hard to believe that she swallowed my ring, it does make sense it was her out of anyone given her eating habits. Our doctor said it should pass on its own in the next few days. Now, here's where the conflict arises. Our daughter has an incredibly busy freshman schedule with her swim team practices and schoolwork. Missing practice could be a huge setback for her, and she's really dedicated. My husband is insisting that we do everything in our power to retrieve the ring, even if it means keeping her home from school and practice until it's recovered. I on the other hand, feel partly responsible for this mess. It was my mistake to wear the ring while cooking, and I don't want our daughter to miss out on her commitments and opportunities because of my carelessness. She's worked hard to be where she is, and I don't want to jeopardize her academic or athletic future. I talked to her and explained the situation, telling her that if she happens to see the ring, she should try to recover it. She agreed to keep an eye out for it, but she didn't seem thrilled about it. Now, my husband thinks I'm not being fully committed to getting the ring back. He believes we should do everything in our power to retrieve it, even if it means disrupting our daughter's life for a while. TL;DR I accidentally lost my diamond wedding ring while cooking. We found out our daughter ate it. I don't want to disrupt her schedule by keeping her home to guarantee that we retrieve the ring. My husband thinks I should be more committed to getting it back. &#x200B; **\*\*Relevant Comments:\*\*** NBH. Tell her to place a trash bag in the toilet before pooping. Once she has pooped just squeeze the poop while it’s inside the bag. If the ring is in it she will feel it and can give you the poop bag to retrieve it. \---------- Is your daughter a freshman in high school or college? Are you just going off of a metal detector or have you had an X-ray to confirm the ring is there? I’m sure she didn’t seem thrilled because you basically asked her to dig through her own poops for a ring… not because you want the ring back. I’m a bit torn between you and your husband’s perspectives, but probably because I am very attached to my rings and jewelry in general. Have you talked to your husband about why he’s so invested in the recovery? Is it because of the cost of the rock or the sentiment of the whole ring? Maybe once you get your daughter checked out you can impress upon her that it is really important to you and hubby and that you absolutely don’t want to interrupt her life, but pooping is pooping and she can give it her best to find it. Also, you’re 100% not “guilty” or irresponsible for the ring coming off. Women’s water weight fluctuates dramatically in our hands based off of diet, water intake, temperature, hormones… you’re not running a constant body monitor so you couldn’t have known. \----------- **OOPs reply** She's in college. We did have an xray done when we were at the doctors and its there :( The doctor didn't seem too concerned about it causing any issues, but told us to watch out for certain symptoms indicative of a problem. I never even thought of specifically asking about the setting or if the solitaire prongs would cause an issue .I think my husband is attached both to how sentimental it is and to some extent the cost. I haven't actually had a deep conversation with him on this yet, just surface level. I'm attached to it as well but I'd put her before anything that can be replaced. I really really do hope that she'll be able to recover my ring. She did say that she will try. &#x200B; **OOP's update (**[same post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheButtface/comments/16j2jsr/comment/k1n7lo7/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)**) -** Sept 21 2023 I spoke to my daughter about the option of using a bag for her poop to help retrieve the ring. Unfortunately, she declined the idea but agreed to continue keeping an eye out for anything visible in her stool, just as she had been doing. However, that same night, she used the restroom at home, and I offered to help her look for the ring afterward. Without going into too much graphic detail, let's just say that I was quite surprised by the size of what she produced. \[TMI\] This left me doubtful on whether she would ever find the ring. I had initially been hopeful. Unfortunately, that was not the case. On Sunday, when both my daughter and my husband's schedules aligned, we decided to use the metal detector again, but this time it did not beep. I believe we have insurance on the ring, and I won't be getting a 1.5-carat ring again without it. **\*\*Reminder - I am not the original poster.\*\***

AITBF for not wanting to disrupt my daughters life to recover a diamond ring

CONCLUDED

Super_Listen_202

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16wd6la/aitbf_for_not_wanting_to_disrupt_my_daughters/

16wr1ll

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Mission_Ad884 **I miss my annoying wife** **Originally posted to** r/offmychest **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Death of a parent, depression!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/11opt40/i_miss_my_annoying_wife/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **March 11, 2023** First of all i want to say that english isn't my first language so sorry in advance for any mistakes. I have been married to my wife for over 4 years now. From the point we we're dating, until 3 months ago she was very annoying. She would've prank me by scaring me, she would've put her cold hands and feet in my shirt while we we're laying in our bed. She would've scream my name in a very panic way just to follow with "I love you". She would've take the cap out of my tyres just so I wouldn't have air in them and couldn't use the car (just in weekends when I didn't need the car so it wouldn't been a problem but it was annoying). She would've make me a small cup of coffee with salt in it and the list goes on and on. But I didn't mind it because I loved her so much. 3 months ago things took a turn tho. She lost her mom unexpectedly and is understandably very sad. Her mom was such a sweet woman, who raised my wife alone sincer her father left when he found out he would be a father. She was a model to my wife, her hero. She teached my wife how to be a woman, she teached my wife how to love. She helped my wife thru her heartbreakes. She was overall my wife's most important person of her life. After the lost of her mother, my wife is the most calm woman I have ever known. She doesn't do any annoying things anymore. She doesn't make my salted coffee anymore. She doesn't scream my name anymore. She doesn't scare me anymore. She doesn't let the air out of my tyres anymore. And I miss it very much. It was annoying as hell, but atleast I knew she was happy, she had the most beautiful smile and now it's like gone. She isn't even crying anymore, she just lays in bed and cuddles with me like most of the day. She doesn't smile anymore. And I miss her being happy. I miss her smile after I would drink her salted cup of coffee, which I of course knew it was coffee with salt, but it such a small price for seeing her smile. I just miss my annoying wife. Edit: corrected some small spelling mistakes RELEVANT COMMENTS MrSlabBulkhead >If she isn’t already in therapy, you should get her into it. >In addition, please show her real love and affection, both physically and verbally. She needs that love, and feeling that love will coax the old woman out of her. OOP replied >>She already is in therapy and I try to show her the best love I could show someone in my life * katzill4 >Time my friend is very powerful. Give it a try. I wish you get back ur annoy-loving wife back soon. Till then be patient and just give her the love she deserves OOP replied >>I know that time will heal her. I am not expecting her to go back to normal in like a short amount of time, but I will be there for her in every moment * Huachuma_Blues >That woman is still in there, believe me. I lost my mother a couple of years ago, in a sudden and awful way. Mourning takes time as mentioned here already. Almost 3 years and I'm still not over it, but it gets better and you learn to live again. >She may not tell you, but now is when she needs you the most. Shine back that love to her. >That's how it was for me at least. Sending your wife and you lots of love OOP replied >>I am trying to shower her with love the best I can, I hide little pieces of paper with "You are loved" in random places around the house just so she could find them and many other things :) * [deleted] >I am glad that your wife married you - she is the luckiest in my view - be with her - it will take time for her to heal OOP replied >>In my opinion I am the luckiest to have someone like her. She is my best friend and I love her very much * widellp >Sounds like you need to rig a bucket of ice over the door to wake her up. Maybe put some Vaseline on her windshield wipers. Im just joking, give her time , that first prank she pulls on you is going to be epic. Please come back and tell us what it was. Good luck and stay the coarse. OOP replied >>I will for sure update you guys with the first prank she will do. Thank you for your kind words! :) [Update 7 months later](https://reddit.com/r/offmychest/s/wIPJPDa3qj) **Sept 24, 2023** Hello guys, long time no see, I posted on here 7 months ago After my initial post, I didn't expect it to get much attention, but it somehow did. And I am glad it did because some of your suggestions really helped me a ton. Sorry it took so long to post an update, but the progress my wife made was somewhat slow and I didn't thought about giving an reddit update, but here it is. Firstly, I want to explain to you my relationship with my wife's mother. Me and her were friendly, I respected her as a mother figure to my wife and a somewhat mother figure to me, but she didn't really like me. She was friendly to me, never had an argument with her, it wasn't something personal with me, but she didn't really like my presence. I think it had to do with the fact that she didn't trust men anymore because of my wife's father. But, although she didn't like me, she respected me as her daughter's partner and accepted me and even gave me good advice in life. Now update with my wife: She is way better now, still not her full self but she started doing being a bit annoying. After some of your advice I decided to wait a bit to prank her, until i thought she was ready for a prank. After like 1 month one morning I woke up before her, got out of bed, went to her side of the bed and started fast kissing her cheeks waiting for her to wake up. When she woke up she looked at me a bit confused and asked what I was doing. I just got on top of her, took her in for a hug and started kissing her more. After like 10 seconds I stopped (i didn't want to lay on her very much to not make her feel unsafe or uncomfortable) got up and yelled "I love you". Her reaction was very good, she was giggling the whole time i was kissing her and after I yelled she said that she loves me too. I then told her I'm going to make some coffee for both of us, and you guessed it, I salted her coffee. She again reacted very well and spit it all out and started laughing histerically. In my opinion that made her a bit better but she was understandably still very sad. But her first prank was unexpected and very funny. After like another month of me doing little pranks on her (mostly yelling i love you and very rarely salt in her coffee) she took revenge, and so she did. I don't know what she got, but it was some type of chocolate cake that when you poke it with a knife it explodes in your face. I didn't know what the occasion for cake was but hey it was cake so I didn't suspect anything, and so I tried cutting it up and it exploded on my face. My wife was of course laughing very hard and I just got the rest of the cake that was on the table and slapped it (gently of course, not a full on slap) on her face and so we were both covered in chocolate cake. We were laughing so hard we both fell on the floor and after a few minutes we started hugging eachother on the floor and stayed like that for like an hour (?? i dont know why we did that instead of cleaning ourselves up first but it was amazing :)) Now, she's still very sad, but she started being annoying again (not that much though) and she's overall way better than when she was when I first posted on here. But, the biggest surprise, is that she is pregnant. With a girl. Yes, she is going to be a mother, and I'm going to be a father, we are both so excited and we already know the name of our precious daughter. My wife asked me, a bit scared, if we can name our daughter, her mother's name. And I of course said yes because firstly it's my wife's most important person's name (or second after our daughter) and secondly, it's a very pretty name. So yeah, this is the update, my wife is excited to be a mother, but very upset that her mother isn't going to meet her first grandbaby. I'm glad she is way better now than 7 months ago, and I'm very proud of her because she's a very strong woman and a very amazing wife and I don't doubt that she's going to be an even more amazing mother. Thank you guys for all the advice on the last post. It was very helpful and I am really grateful for everyone that took their time of the day to give a random stranger advice on reddit regarding his not-annoying wife. I don't know if this will be the last update or not, but I'm really glad I came on here to seek for help. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **MR_CHILLIBUTCHER** >Man I am so happy for you. Congratulations you're going to become a dad. I was eagerly waiting for the update. If I were in your situation i would have made sure that i would do anything to make sure she becomes normal. Yes she is going to be sad but be there for her. All the best mate **OOP replied** >>I don't think she'll be her normal self ever again, and I don't expect her to. But still, I'm here for her, helping her any way I can. Thank you for the good wishes! * **kitsunecutie** >I remember your first post and I am overwhelmed with joy for the progress she has made, the excitement for this new chapter in your lives, but also for your enduring love that helped you through such a difficult time. >May it only continue to get better 💗💗 **OOP replied** >>Thank you very much for the good wishes :) Can't wait for the new chapter to come :) . **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I miss my annoying wife

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16wr1ll/i_miss_my_annoying_wife/

16wr1y4

**I am NOT OOP. OOP was u/ThrowRA_Gad and they have since deleted their account** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **Thank you to** u/Direct-Caterpillar77 **for suggesting this to the BoRU** **I (28M) can't have children, and my wife (27F) doesn't want to adopt.** Trigger Warnings: >!infertility, child abandonment, emotional manipulation, prejudice against adoption!< Mood Spoilers: >!Sad, new beginnings for OOP!< &nbsp; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/16poh4v/i_28m_cant_have_children_and_my_wife_27f_doesnt/) \- **September 22, 2023** TL:DR My dream is to be a father, but I'm sterile. I want to adopt, but my wife is against it. And I was adopted. She wants to undergo artificial insemination, but I'm against it. I'll share a bit of my personal story to help you understand the whole situation. I was abandoned by my biological parents when I was very young and was adopted when I was 8 years old. My adoptive parents were wonderful to me, and I have a brother who is the biological child of my adoptive parents, three years older than me. I believe that being abandoned had a profound impact on me, and I've always had a strong desire to be a father and have children. I met my wife when I was 19 and she was 18. I've always been open with her about my history, providing all the details, and I made it clear that my dream was to have a family with more than one child. She also expressed a desire to have a family, and this was never an issue. We got married, and it's been about 2 years since we decided it was time to have our first child. We started trying, but she didn't get pregnant, so we sought medical advice to understand if there was any issue. It was then that I found out I'm sterile, and my wife doesn't have any medical problems. I was devastated, but since I myself was adopted, I saw adoption as the ideal solution. I suggested to my wife that we should adopt, but she was against it. She cited reasons that are, in reality, based on prejudices against foster kids. I was deeply saddened by this because when you talk about one of those children, you're also talking about me. We've had many discussions, but I haven't been able to change her prejudiced views. On the other hand, she proposed that we should undergo artificial insemination with an anonymous donor. I disagreed with this because it would cost a lot of money, and I feel it's unfair to act so selfishly when there are thousands of children waiting to be adopted. Our marriage is going through a serious crisis because of this. I can't comprehend how she can hold such opinions about adoption while being married to me. I'd appreciate any suggestions on how to change her mind. I've seriously considered separation because being a father is the dream of my life. However, I still love my wife. Would separating over this issue be too extreme? I'm really lost. Edit: I forgot an extremely important point when I wrote: My wife said that if we had a child through artificial insemination, we would be the biological parents, even though I'm not the biological father. I completely disagreed with that. I believe we need to be as honest as possible with the child. &nbsp; [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/16qofga/update_i_28m_cant_have_children_and_my_wife_27f/) \- **September 23, 2023 (One day later)** When I wrote the previous post, I knew my relationship was over, and it was as if I wanted a stranger on the internet to come up with some brilliant idea that could save my marriage. This Saturday, I talked to my wife, and we decided that it's best for us to break up. I loved her a lot, and I'm sure she loved me too. I think I chose my words poorly in the other post and left out important information, so I'll explain in more detail what led to the separation. I've never been against biological children because we're all biological children of someone. However, I've always been against spending money to have biological children. If we're going to spend money, I believe it's more fair to spend it on adoption since there are thousands of children wanting a home. This isn't a new position of mine, but for some reason, in these 9 years of our relationship (dating + marriage), my ex-wife and I never discussed this. When I found out I couldn't have children naturally, I told my wife that I wanted to adopt. She then mentioned there were methods for us to still have biological children, mainly in-vitro fertilization. So I explained my stance on the matter to her. She even had consultations on her own, tried to convince me, until she came to the conclusion that artificial insemination would be the best option since being biologically related wasn't as important to me, and the costs would be much lower. That's when our discussion on the topic escalated. She saw that I wouldn't budge, so she started saying extremely negative things about children who are up for adoption. She said things like these children are problematic, which is why their biological parents don't want them, that these problems can't be solved with love, care, and psychological support, and that most of these children will end up drug users or simply have no future. I felt personally offended because I myself was a child abandoned by my parents. And when I told her that, she simply said I was an exception. I feel that her saying these things is like a black person being married to a racist. I feel that if she had known from the beginning that I was a child who was abandoned, she wouldn't want to be in a relationship with me. I feel that she would hate me without even knowing me. Furthermore, she has the right to be a biological mother, and I was taking that right away from her, which was also extremely unfair of me. For these reasons, I ended our relationship. Unfortunately, in the previous post, many people also made prejudiced comments about children and the adoption process. The adoption process is not traumatic; it's the process of being abandoned by biological parents, the waiting to be adopted, and many other things that can be traumatic. I understand those who say that children have traumas, but please, give them a chance. They're not to blame for what happened to them. I know not everyone is ready to adopt, but at least don't speak ill of the process or discourage those who want to adopt. I was adopted at an older age than the average, graduated from college, and never caused any trouble for my parents. Of course, I have my personal issues, but I don't think I ever caused any problems for my parents because of them. The happiest day of my life was the day I was adopted; I remember that day every day. &nbsp; **REMINDER - THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

I (28M) can't have children, and my wife (27F) doesn't want to adopt.

CONCLUDED

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16wr1y4/i_28m_cant_have_children_and_my_wife_27f_doesnt/

16wr2es

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/throwRAbeemovie **I (21F) told the guy I’m dating (29M) that something he says makes me uncomfortable, and he took it as an accusation. + 3 year update** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Possible baby trapping!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/hxunY0pc6z)  **July 21, 2020** I asked another sub about this, but they said it was better suited here (which is probably true). Apologies for this being long or jumbled, I don’t condense words well and I have a lot of feelings. I’ve been stressing about this for the past few days, and I feel like I’m losing it a little. I (21F) have been seeing a guy (29M) for about two weeks. I know the age gap is sketchy - I’d asked for advice on that when he initially asked me out about three weeks ago here, for context. We’ve been having a great time hanging out, I like him a lot - we drove to a store two hours away and had a blast, we’ve watched some of our favorite movies and tv shows together and have had a running list of stuff we “gotta” watch together. The only thing that’s been bugging me a bit is that when he references almost any woman (celebrity, someone from the past, etc) he’ll say something sexual. Nothing gross of course, but stuff like, “she’s really hot”, “...and the only reason we never hooked up was because..”, some joke about getting a boner from some actress, etc. The other night, I came to bed and he joked that he worried he wouldn’t sleep if he couldn’t his dick down because of [hot actress] from a show we just watched. I thought I should be honest and say something, & this is as close as I can recall: “Hey, can I be honest with you about something? I get uncomfortable sometimes because it seems like every time you bring up any woman, you sexualize them. It makes me worry that you see me as a sexual object or that I’m just a notch on your belt, which is fine if that’s your prerogative, but I need to know that.” I offered to sleep on the couch if he was uncomfortable with me saying that. He was quiet and got up and I found him sleeping on the couch (in his house). I tried to tell him to sleep in his own bed, but he asked me to please just let him sleep. In the morning, he was short and was offended I’d say that especially after how he’s been with me (caring and thoughtful). We’ve talked over text since then - he sees this as me “accusing” him of oversexualizing me when he hasn’t done anything to warrant that (true), says I’m “projecting” from relationships with people ten years younger than him, and said that this clearly wasn’t going to work out if I was going to try and “police” his language (which was odd, because he’s very progressive). He thinks it’s concerning that we’ve been seeing each other for such a short amount of time and that I “unloaded” on him at 1AM (fair), and that it triggered his fight or flight. He said he’s uncomfortable being alone with me now (thinking that I might perceive him as sexualizing me, esp. because we did have sex once. I told him it’s clear I’d say something if I was uncomfortable, because that’s what I did here, but that didn’t change, which is understandable). I’ve apologized for hurting him by bringing our relationship into it, and explained that I thought I was being transparent and honest, but he said it was seriously insulting and said that no other woman he’s dated has brought it up as an issue - which I didn’t find to be a solid argument, because everyone has different preferences or levels of comfort with this subject matter. For context, he really is very sweet and caring. That night he’d stayed up watching an entire season of a show with me because it was important to me, I loved it and I thought he’d love it. I think he’s taken it slow physically because he’s respected a potential power difference - we didn’t even kiss the first few times, we just slept next to each other and were affectionate/cuddly. He’s admitted that he likes me and likes being around me ‘even at work’, which felt big because I know he’s not great at being emotionally vulnerable. I’ve tried to reciprocate whenever he is to show him that I value how hard that can be. I’m definitely of the belief that people are rarely good or bad, just complicated - and that anyone can improve and become a better person if they try. I thought this was an opportunity for that. I have a tendency to avoid bringing up conflicts like this because I fear hurting people, but I really thought this would be received as openness/transparency and something to talk through. I asked a few friends-coworkers for their thoughts yesterday because I was with them, and they each thought it was a valid concern. One said it’s like when you tell someone what they said was racist & they’re defensive instead of receptive to change, and the other (who’s closer to him) said that he thinks he’s has been having a bit of struggles with self esteem/vulnerability (both late 20s M, if that matters). They also brought up that he might see himself as having more life experience and thus being ‘right’, even though there isn’t really a right or wrong here. But he’s so pissed that I’ve been questioning if it was just hurtful. I think he’s ending things between us (he’s pretty much said that he’s out, but also continued to talk to me about it, and reprompted the conversation later by bringing up something that upset him about it, & he’s shown that he likes me a lot and has invested his time (and lack of sleep staying up with me) in this, so I thought it was worth trying to work through. I’m at a loss here. I’m really sad because I feel like I’ve ruined things with someone I liked a lot and cared for. What do I do now? Is there anything I can really do to try and remedy/work through this (time/space, ask for a guy friend to help explain, etc)? And if not, how can I be more considerate and thoughtful about expressing this kind of concern in the future? Thanks for your input in advance, sorry for any repeats/rambles - any advice is appreciated. ❤️ [Update - 3 years later](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/U3O5aLuUKW) **Sept 24, 2023** Hey y’all! I know my first post wasn’t huge or nothing, but I randomly remembered it recently and thought I should post in case anybody wondered what happened three years later lol. So, after that fight, I (now 24F) learned that I just needed to accept that he (now 32M) knows better, and that I was just too immature to understand—SIKE! I dumped that motherfucker a few months later! [CW: baby trapping, general creep behavior] Everyone who was like “this is a major red flag and this guy seems like a creep” was 1000% right. I was lonely and stressed at the time, had standards that were way too low and was a people-pleaser/pushover. I’d been in an abusive relationship when I was a young teenager, which does not necessarily teach you the signs; if anything, you’re more prone to similar relationships in the future. This dude was definitely beginning the emotional cycle, and I am so lucky that my time with him was brief and casual. If I had to pick, one of the most disturbing things he did after this was (repeatedly) playfully saying that if I got pregnant, we’d “have to” get a shotgun marriage - with a prenup to protect mommy & daddy’s money, of course. Same dude who insisted on “raw dog or no dog” (barf.) Thank god for IUDs! Anyway, we briefly saw each other some more after, but pulled away because I was heading back to college soon & simultaneously realizing that being thirsty didn’t mean I should drink poison. I spent my last few weeks in town smoking weed and playing Mario Party with my awesome work friends. I had one last lame hook up when I visited a couple weekends after classes started and it just reminded me how much he sucked. He would still try to text me for a little while after that, and I wish I could say I was a badass and reamed him out but I just gradually ghosted him lol. I came back to work around the holidays and I got looped in that he was pursuing a relatively new hire (19F, of course), and when I talked to her I found out he made up some bullshit that painted me as a “crazy ex” figure, so I showed her receipts of me ghosting him and his general douchebaggery. He did a whole “boo hoo I feel so guilty” so, she struggled to pull away at first too, but thankfully succeeded! Gross P.S. - she didn’t make the mistake of dating him, but still ended up getting the baby joke-threats. After that, I finished my senior year and moved back to a city I lived in when I was younger, and met this handsome dork who swept me off my feet with how sweet, goofy, thoughtful, loving, and intelligent he was (and still is). Our two year anniversary was a few weeks ago, and right now he’s watching a video essay about weird old-timey medicine. I can’t wait for him to tell me all about it later :) To anybody in that 18-22 range dating someone 27+ and you’re getting orange flags from - dump ‘em. It ain’t worth it, and YOU are worth more than this. Struggling to hold strong? List off all of their cons, then stare and ask yourself - would I want this kind of love for my child? Love yourself as fiercely as a good parent would. Thank you so much to the kind strangers who took the time to spell it out for me - you planted seeds that I needed, and helped me realize how embarrassed I was to be begging for scraps! TL;DR: That dude sucked and I left him within a few months. Now I’ve graduated, moved to a new city, and share an apartment with the love of my life! **THIS IS A REPOST SUB I AM NOT THE OOP**

I (21F) told the guy I’m dating (29M) that something he says makes me uncomfortable, and he took it as an accusation. + 3 year update

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Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16wr2es/i_21f_told_the_guy_im_dating_29m_that_something/

16wr3az

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/throwralkgf **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **Thank you to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this to the BoRU** **Overheard a conversation between my(F24) child’s father(M32) and his partner(F31)…I don’t know whether to address it or not.** --- &nbsp; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/16chno9/overheard_a_conversation_between_myf24_childs/?share_id=4MuJ6POGhjDljTbuJJ-A-&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **September 7, 2023** We have a 9 month old son together and he and his partner have been together for 7 years(on and off). When my son was concieved, we were dating and they were not together, so no cheating happened. It was a short relationship, ended just because. In the midst of them getting back together, I find out I’m pregnant, we got through that and now we co-parent. He has our son during the day while I’m at work, and I have him through the nights. Co-parenting has been smooth. My son’s father and his fiancee are going to take a trip to his parents cabin for a family reunion which is supposed to be for 4 days, and he wants to take our son so all of them can meet him. I did mention feeling a little uneasy about not being with my son for such a long time (I’ve seen him everyday since the day he was born). I wasn’t looking for a way to come, but he did say I could come if that’d make me more comfortable. So. I got back from work yesterday so I went to go pick up my son. He was sleeping, so I had to wait a little. They went to their deck, and the deck is very close to the bathroom, which I was in. When I was in the bathroom, I heard her saying how embarrassing it would be for me to be at her engagement party and how I didn't need to be everywhere. From what I gathered, they found out that her family is also coming for the reunion and they’ll be throwing a “surprise” engagement party for them. Needless to say, I got out the bathroom, pretended like I didn’t hear anything, and just left with my son. I felt really weird dropping him off today, because what if I am imposing too much on their relationship? I have absolutely no issues with her, she’s been nothing but nice and pleasant and really cares for my son. I’ve already decided that I am not going, and I’ll tell him that, but I was wondering if I should tell them I overheard what was said? Only reason I'm hesitating is because I don't want her to feel like I intruded on a private convo but I also do want to know what can I do to make things better. **Relevant Comments from OOP:** ***kushqueen17:** Can I ask how you and him ended things before you found out you were pregnant? Currently in a relationship with the same age gap and I feel like I can’t fully relate to this man and have been having thoughts of ending it but don’t know how* >**OOP:** Sure! It was really amicable, we ended things a few months after dating. I feel like our relationship was more so based on initial physical attraction, and once we dug deeper, we realized we weren't all that compatible. We actually ended things in a quick conversation. I just told him how I felt, he told me how he felt, and we decided to split and part ways (...and then I find out I'm pregnant lol) &nbsp; [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/16qx261/update_overheard_a_conversation_between_myf24/) - **September 24, 2023 (17 days later)** Hellooo, 2 1/2 weeks ago I posted about overhearing a conversation between my son’s father and his fiancee. Context: My son’s father and his fiancee were having a *surprise* engagement party during his family reunion. Because they were going to be gone for 4 days and I have never been without my son for more than a day, he offered that I could come (this was before I knew about the engagement party). Upon picking up my son one day, I overheard his fiancee saying that it would be embarrassing having me there and I don’t always need to be around. I just wanted to mention, that I was not mad in the slightest bit at what she said! I noticed that a lot of comments read my post in a way that I was offended by what she said, but I wasn’t. I stated in the og post that the reason of me wanting to bring it up was to know if there was anything I was doing that felt like I was intruding. I took it upon myself to spend significantly less time over there, and she ended up asking me why I no longer come and sit down. Although I didn’t mention the fact I overheard , we talked about my reasoning behind it, and she said I'm always welcome to come in and stay when I'm picking him up . Cordial convo, like I said, she is a really nice woman. I also ended up letting my son go for the 4 days. I was a little wary about it at first, but this is my son’s dad. My son is with him and his fiancee almost every day, so I stayed back while the 3 of them went. They sent so many pictures, their party looked so beautiful, and all of them looked amazing. I was worried about how my son would be at the night, but he slept great. That was really good to hear. I on the other hand went outtt during the weekend. I had him at 23, so prior to that, I was pretty much doing what young adults do. Ever since I had my son, my friends have been begging me to just go out, but I’m constantly declining because in the back of my mind it’s “If I’m not at work, I have to be with my son”. Since my son was with his father, my friends and I went on a weekend trip and it was really fun. We went dancing, had drinks, and went to a couple restaurants. I did miss my son A LOT, but it also showed me that I can take breathers every once in a while. I feel as if everything worked out. Thanks to all that helped! **Relevant Comments from OOP:** ***Chaoticgood790:** Great update! Glad this worked out bc it really didn’t seem like there was a bad person in this scenario. Just needed to communicate. Good job on all the adults. Your son will benefit from it* >**OOP:** Yeah, there really isn't. I feel like a lot of people tried to view it as who is the bad guy. Like for example, some people said it's her fault for getting into this situation, others blamed my son's father for dating me (even though they were completely broken up) , and some people even blamed me for choosing to have my son. It was weird, because no one (imo) is in the wrong and I think some people (even though there was a lot that helped!) just wanted to create this big dramatic soap opera in their head when it isnt that...at all. &nbsp; **REMINDER - THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

Overheard a conversation between my(F24) child’s father(M32) and his partner(F31)…I don’t know whether to address it or not.

CONCLUDED

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16wr3az/overheard_a_conversation_between_myf24_childs/

16wr5p9

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/burrrritoo](https://www.reddit.com/user/burrrritoo/). He posted in r/relationship_advice. **Mood Spoiler:** >!communication for the win!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/16f4531/my_32m_girlfriend_31f_doesnt_want_me_as_her/)**: September 10, 2023** Back story- My girlfriend and I went out for the first time about 10 months ago. I hadn’t realized then, but she had JUST gotten out of a long and very serious relationship basically without any warning. She was shocked, hurting, confused, and I think just looking for a fun casual night. I suppose we hit it off way better than expected and started seeing each other pretty consistently. She was clear she wasn’t ready to jump into anything too quickly, but soon enough we were essentially boyfriend/girlfriend. Going out 1-2x a week, texting every single day, and (as far as I know) not seeing other people. Around the holidays I met her family and although we really got it off, I think it freaked her out a bit. She continued to text daily, but barely. She didn’t want to come over and made excuses to not go out. After a month we saw each other finally, and things went back to the way they were. In May a similar thing happened, and we actually stopped talking for a week. After that week she reached out, we talked and went out. While out to dinner she and I both acknowledged how hard it was to not talk to each other, how we felt, and she asked me for us to be official. I felt the same and was elated to say yes. Since being official, she met my family, I’ve spent some more time with hers, we did 2 mini trips together, and I even joined her family vacation for a few days. The family loves me and her little sister is getting married in about a month. It’s my impression that the sister and her fiancé (who also loves me) wanted me at the wedding, and basically said things to me just assuming I was going. I know it can be a pain to invite guests later in the game, so it really means a lot. The issue is that my girlfriend hasn’t invited me, and has basically told me she doesn’t really know if she wants me there. My girlfriend is the maid of honor and she and her sister are absolutely best friends. I guess she feels like with it not only being her sister, but also her best friend, there’s a lot of pressure on her/us about having me there. She doesn’t want the pictures and memories for the rest of her life to feature one guy she was dating at the time. By the time of the wedding we’ll have basically been seeing each other for a year, though maybe only made it “official” for \~4-5 months. I don’t feel like I’m “just some guy” and can’t help but feel offended. I know this probably has to do with her last relationship ending abruptly and without warning. I think she’s still learning how to trust again. But at the same time, it feels like she’s telling me we aren’t going to make it, and if she chooses to not have me there it becomes a bit of a self-fulfilling prophesy. I’ve tried to ask a little about it a few times but she honestly gets so worked up and stressed out when it comes to this wedding that I don’t want to mention it to her anymore. At this point I haven’t been officially told anything either way, invited or not. At what point should a significant other be invited as a date? ***Relevant Comments:*** *Several people point out that being the plus one of a wedding party member can be boring, especially if don't know anyone else:* "I didn’t really think about this. Everyone there who I’m close to will be in the wedding parties" *OOP clarifies what this situation means:* "Thank you. I don’t see the lack of invite as an ultimatum, and if I don’t attend it doesn’t mean I am ending the relationship. This is more of me seeing this as a bad sign, and wanted to know if me getting upset over this is warranted or not. It’s concerning if after a year of going out she doesn’t see me as a serious partner. But if it’s more of a stressor and this is just easiest on her, then that’s something I feel we can work past." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/16qy8l0/update_my_32m_girlfriend_31f_doesnt_want_me_as/)**: September 24, 2023 (2 weeks later)** I never expected to hear from so many people when I made my original post- thank you to everyone who contributed. I wanted to give an update since there were a few who had asked. The responses from everyone seemed to be pretty split down the middle- half of you saw this as a huge red flag and suggested I end everything, while the other half thought it was okay and the best thing I could do for my girlfriend was to just support her. Being that everything else in our relationship seemed to be going so well I wasn’t going to ends things over this. My next decision was to also not approach the subject again. She had gotten so stressed out the last time that I didn’t see how bringing it up again could help the situation. If she was still teetering on what to do I wanted to let her make the decision on her own, not sway her based on what *I* wanted. People suggested I find a way to enjoy the weekend on my own or with friends. Well what do ya know- there’s a big BBQ festival in the city my friend lives in. Everyone knows the best way to distract a man with swirling thoughts is through meat. Well, yesterday that all changed because she asked me to go as her date. She apologized for being so late about it, but she described going through what a lot of you had written. She’s helping *a lot* with this wedding and is under an enormous amount of stress. She wasn’t sure about bringing me out of fear that it would be another thing she would have on her mind, where she wants all her focus on her sister. She says the way I’ve just been supporting her lately made her realize she won’t need to worry about me. Yes, I probably won’t even get to talk to her until dinner. No, I won’t know too many people since all her family I’m close with will be in one of the wedding parties. However, I’m important to her and she wants me there with her regardless. She apologized for the last conversation making it sound like I was “just some guy” that she was worried about having in pictures. She argued (jokingly) that it wasn’t exactly how she said it, but neither of us can remember the exact verbiage anyways. She was also really appreciative that I haven’t been pressuring or nagging her about this and let her come to her own decision. The fact that I gave her space on the subject yet continued to support her was what made her realize how much she wanted me there. So thank you all, almost all the responses I’d received were genuine and much appreciated. I’m really happy with how things turned out and are going! Now I just need to figure out my suit situation… ***Relevant Comments:*** *Did you go to the BBQ festival?* "It’s the date of the wedding in a few weeks so I’ll have to miss it 😔" *So you're canceling on your friend?* "I appreciate that. This wasn’t something with just the one friend and I- they’re having like 10 people come over for this. I still feel bad bailing, but since it’s almost a party I don’t think I’ll be quite as missed"

My (32M) girlfriend (31F) doesn’t want me as her wedding date

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LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16wr5p9/my_32m_girlfriend_31f_doesnt_want_me_as_her/

16x1a9v

**I am NOT OP.** **Original posts by** u/liferant15_ **in** r/AITAH **and his user account** **The AITAH posts were also posted to** r/amiwrong trigger warnings: >!child neglect, verbal assault, mention of food disorder (AFRID)!< mood spoilers: >!positive for OOP!<   [**AITAH for taking my daughter out to eat**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16pha1y/aitah_for_taking_my_daughter_out_to_eat/) **- 22nd September 2023** So I (39M) have a (16F) daughter from a previous marriage. For context, I met my now wife (37) when my daughter was 10, and she had a son (7M) when we met. Our relationship was great, and our connection was really present throughout our relationship. 5 months into our relationship, I introduced her to my ex (35F) and my daughter. my ex and wife were cordial, and my daughter warmed up to her quickly. From what I know, they had a good relationship. My daughter grew up sort of a picky eater. For example She won't eat things like oatmeal, tomatoes, garlic, mushrooms, barbecue ANYTHING salty, or sour, etc. She loves spicy food, sweets, and all that. (And you could not trick her into eating anything she didn't like. When she was 13, i put 1 garlic clove in the melted butter i was using to make her grilled cheese. Idk how, but she could taste it, and i knew for a fact tbe taste wasn't that strong. Her taste senses amazed me. Oh, she ignored me for a whole week and didn't eat anything i cooked for her. I never tried anything like that again). I work a 5-8 shift, but yesterday I got off around 9 because my group and I wanted to hurry and finish our part of a work project we had. When I got home, my wife had already prepared dinner and left my plate in the oven. I heated my food and stood at the island and chatted with my wife, who was with our son in the living room. As I was eating, I realized that my wife had cooked garlic stir-fried rice, barbecue chicken, and a vegetable salad consisting of corn, tomatoes, mushrooms, and spinach. I stopped chatting with my wife and just observed my plate for a good 5 minutes. My wife asked what was wrong and if I disliked the food. Finally, after an eternity, I asked what my daughter had eaten because Everything she cooked were all foods my daughter disliked. She was quiet for a few moments before finally saying that my daughter had not eaten since lunch. Needless to say, I was upset. I asked her why she didn't switch up the meal to accommodate my daughter's palette. She got really defensive and started saying my daughter was being dramatic and it was just food so she could still eat if she was hungry we argued and I reminded her that it wasn't that simple for a picky eater like my daughter. After a while of going back and fourth I decided to end the conversation by ignoring my wife, i felt that my daughter wishes were disregard. I took my daughter out to eat, I also brought her some sweets and we bonded and talked a lot. I discovered my wife has been purposely cooking food my daughter doesn't like. My daughter has never been one to complain so she has been using money from her paycheck and she wasnt going to eat this particular night because she had no intention of pulling money out of her account savings. We got home around midnight and my wife was upset that I took my daughter out instead of convincing her to eat her cooking. Me and my wife are going to have a long chat when I'm off work.   **Comments** From a downvoted deleted comment *YTA She can eat what’s cooked or buy/make her own. It’s time to stop the normalization of soiled and entitled picky eating. I know I’ll get downvoted to hell and I don’t care. Truth hurts.* >It's not as simple as just eating what my wife cooks. I've seen my daughter vomit because she can't keep certain foods down. &#x200B; *Just have to say - 1 full clove of garlic in some butter for a grilled cheese (assuming like 1-2tbsps of butter max) is a lot of garlic....* >My daughter does cook her own food, and she has a job, so she even orders her food. On the night of this incident, my daughter ran out of her pocket money. The reason I was staring at the food was because I was examining it. I got off work at 9 came back around 9:40 took my daughter out around 10 something it took us about 15-20 minutes to get to the ramen restaurant about 30 minutes to eat it about 20 minutes to get to the candy palor place. Afterward, we drove around and just chatted. I was certainly in no rush to get back home. &#x200B; *Info is your daughter allowed to make herself something to eat when your wife makes something that she doesn't like or is she banned from the kitchen* >My daughter is allowed to cook in the kitchen. My wife handles all of the grocery shopping, and from what I know, my daughter's personalized grocery list only consists of about 12-16. I did ask her why she wasn't cooking, and she said she wants to save her food for her school break that's coming up. My wife only goes on 1 grocery throughout the month, so my daughter is mindful of the portion of food she eats. &#x200B; [**(UPDATE) AITA for taking my daughter out to eat**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16pqfq5/update_aita_for_taking_my_daughter_out_to_eat/) **- 23rd September 2023** I got home about an hour ago and was reading the comments for about 15 minutes (I'll be answering questions at the end of this post) The talk with my wife went ok-ish. I asked her what was going on. My wife was hesitant as she didn't want to have this talk at all. But finally she said she hates cooking for my daughter. She said that it was to much to go out of her way to constantly go out of her way to accommodate her and how annoying it was to always make sure the food is cooked to a certain texture and seasoned to my daughter's liking she then revealed that she stopped cooking food the way my daughter liked because our son didnt like it. She then proceeded to say that my daughter just needs to grow as it was only food and wouldn't kill her and how her being picky was just to draining. I asked why she didn't have a sit down with our kids to make some sort of compromise and she said her son needs came before my daughters. She also revealed that she had straight up stopped buying more than half of my daughters personalized grocery list because it was a waste of money and that our son what snacks that he wanted. I was dumbfounded and asked her if she was just going to let my daughter go hungry, to which she responded by sayibg all she has to do is eat the food she cooked. I asked her what was draining about putting 1 or 2 pieces of plain chicken aside. She said that I wouldn't get it because I didn't cook for my daughter like she did. Which was true as I'm at work from 5-9 and i only cook dinner on weekends, holidays and holiday breaks . She apologized to me but suggested that I should convince my daughter to eat the food she doesn't like because it would make everyone's life easier. I then asked her If she would think the same thing if it was our son and she didn't respond which was answer enough. I don't know what to do now, If she's willing to let my daughter go hungry how else would she be willing to neglect my daughter? What should I do now? **(Q-A)** My daughter is in no way overweight ans she doesn't only eat junk food for vegetables she eats carrots, lettuce, corn, asparagus, and cucumbers. For fruit she eats watermelon, dragonfruit, apples, and mangos. My daughter can in fact cook. The only reason she did not is because her fall break is coming up and my wife didn't buy her entire grocery list so she saving it. Which is honestly crazy because no kid should have to worry about how much food they can eat when they're hungry. My daughter told her bio mom and she upset and is suggesting that my daughter goes to live with her. My daughter chooses who she spends the year with herself and if she wants to go I won't stop her because I don't want my daughter in a house she's being neglected in. Also I DO NOT in ANY way force my wife to cook for my daughter, in fact she insists on cooking for her, and if she came to Me and said she didn't want to cook for my daughter I would understand and wake up early to fix her food for the day or switch my schedule around. My wife goes on 1 grocery run for the entire month so if she isn't getting everything on my daughter's grocery list of course my daughter meals will be limited. I talked with My daughter and she isn't mad at my wife at all and is even pushing me to forgive her. It's frustrating cause my 16 year old daughter is trying to fix our marriage while my wife basically said she could care less about my daughter. My daughter is also willing to go grocery shopping with my wife and pay for her own food so there isn't anymore conflict. Some people were saying she might have AFRID disorder and I'm definitely going to look into it. Any advice on what course of action I should take with my wife? On one had I love her on the other I can fathom the idea of being with someone who is willing to neglect my daughter.   **Comments** User 1 *Someone intentionally neglecting my child would be a dealbreaker for me. Love is not enough to forgive intentional neglect of a child. Lack of communication for not coming to you with these issues is another huge red flag. Plus, you’re now aware of the food thing, but what other passive aggressive things is she doing that you’re not aware of? I’m sorry I don’t have advice…. I just see red when people are mistreating kids.* User 2 *Yeah, for me this would be Reddit Solution #1-Dump her. You don't fuck with my kids, I don't care who you are. That shit don't fly.* &#x200B; >*Some people seem to be confused. While I do love every other aspect of my wife, my daughter is definitely coming before anything. I've already started looking for divorce lawyers. The only person who is suggesting I stay with my wife is my daughter. All of my family and friends are upset because they've had no problem accommodating my daughters palette and are calling my wife unreasonable, and I agree.* &#x200B; >*People are also asking why I don't go grocery shopping for my daughter. Instead, this is because my wife insists on doing everything so I can focus on work. Which hasn't been a problem until this incident. Also, if my daughter leaves, I will have absolutely no reason to stay with my wife, she suggesting the same compromises that most people in the comment section are.* *it has been a problem the whole time, you just didn't know about it because your daughter would rather starve then speak up and your wife is perfectly happy starving her.* &#x200B; [**(UPDATE 2)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16pv53p/update_2/) **- 23rd September 2023 (5 hours later)** Im gonna clarify some things and answer the most asked questions Do I intend to stay with my wife? No, I've already decided on divorce Why do I refer to My wife son as "our son" and my daughter as "My daughter" My daughter doesn't call my wife mom she calls her by her name, which makes sense since her mom is still very involved in her life. Naturally, I'd refer to my daughter as "my daughter." As for my exes son, I've known him since he was 7, and he didn't have any farther figure in his life he calls me dad and I treat like my own. I thought it would be easier to understand throughout the story. Why won't my daughter just cook her own food? Well if yall read the story throughly yall would see where I said that my wife admitted to not buying most my daughter's grocery list. This Of course limits the food my daughter can cook and eat herself. She believes that it's a waste of money and should be used on snacks her son prefers and extra food. how bad is my daughters relationship with her bio mom? My daughter and her bio mom relationship is very good she's never been neglectful towards her from what i know of. She lived with her bio mom from ages (12-15) I think she's keen on staying with Me to try a different arrangement and get a break from her bio mom as I know she Can be a little crazy. And I mean that in a good way. Why doesn't my daughter she eat the food my wife makes instead of throwing a fit? It's not as simple as just eating the food. She gets physically ill. Seriously we try every now and then to expand her palette (no luck) she literally will gag and vomit the food. Am I going to let her pay for her own groceries? Absolutely not. A child shouldn't have to worry about making sure they can eat no matter what age they are. That's the parent Job. how is my wife only going grocery shopping for a while month? On the first of every money my wife goes grocery shopping with our budget being 1k- 1.5k my work schedule: 5am- 9pm. Off on weekends and holidays. Why am I letting my daughter leave instead of my wife? My daughter has a choice to stay with me or her mother she's choosing to stay with me. My wife will be the one leaving once the divorce is finalized. have I told my wife or the kids that I've decided on divorce ? No , not tonight. I will be having a sit down with both my kids separately and one with everyone together. I do teach my daughter how to manage her money. My daughter is a junior so she is usually busy with a lot, she also plays soccer, volleyball, and is on the student council at her school. She shouldn't have to worry about having a meal to eat when she gets home. Not saying that she to young to go grocery shopping herself. But you get the point. My daughter isn't upset with my wife. She sympathizing with her because she knows it difficult to accommodate someone with her taste pallete and Is still insisting that I give my wife another chance. Which is heartbreaking because my wife openly admitted to putting her own son needs before my daughters. Which I'm not mad at. protect yours right? But still I don't play favorites with her son and my daughter and if our roles were reversed I'd bend over backwards to accommodate him. People are also confused on how I didn't notice before. My wife always told me that she made a separate meal for my daughter which I believed. I mean I had no reason not to. And my daughter is a huge people pleaser so of course she didn't say anything probably because she was scared to drive a bridge between me and my wife. And for the narrow-minded people saying that my daughter is being dramatic think of it as you being forced to eat something you are extremely allergic to. You wouldn't want to and you shouldn't be forced to. People are saying that my wife's neglect towards our daughter is far more serious so I'm going to put my daughter in therapy because I know she won't just come out and say what other issues her and my wife have been having. My daughter isn't literally going hungry she has a job. Still she shouldn't be spending money on takeout every night. Me not forcing my to eat for she can't keep down isn't me spoiling her and for the people saying she should just suck it up need to seek help. I feel extremely guilty as parent for not seeing my daughter was being neglected sooner and I hope my relationship with her can he fixed. I'm also going to look into all the conditions yall are saying my daughter might have. Feel free to ask anything in the comments of your still confused. &#x200B; **Comments** *Dude where do you live that groceries for 4 people are 1.5k a month…* >Is this an actual question? Prices are rising every day now. We live in California. And it's 1k- 1.5k. I don't spend nearly 2k on groceries . &#x200B; [**(Final Update)**](https://www.reddit.com/user/liferant15_/comments/16qpku5/final_update/) **- 24th September 2023** Sorry it took so long to get back to everyone, I've been reading all the comments for a while now, and I just want to say thank you for all the support First, i want to address the comments saying that I'm divorcing my wife because of a dietary issue that needs to wake up. The issue runs far deeper. my wife purposely neglected to buy my daughters grocery list after INSISTING (every time) to do the grocery and food organizing on her own. She purposely neglected my daughter and disrespected her. There is literally no telling what else she is willing to do to my daughter. Therefore, i no longer trust her. I'm honestly disappointed in my wife. Just to clarify, my daughter ISNT spoiled she works for half of the things she owns. She pays for her own school books and her own phone bills ( her choice) she also is a straight A&B student. She literally is one of the biggest people pleaser you will probably ever meet. She is also a very calm, natured person and doesn't hash out her problems by fighting and yelling. She's very mature. As stated in my 2nd update, I had a talk with my son, my daughter, and my wife. I talked with my daughter first and told her I was divorcing my wife. She was shocked and kept persisting that I gave her another chance and that she isn't in any way upset, I told her that I understand but I was upset for, and I assured her that this wasn't her fault and that I just wanted the best for her. She got very defensive and said " you need to be worried about your own happiness, I'm leaving for the military or college in a few years and your going to be a old man with no one there for you" I laughed and said that I could be 130 and still make the best out of being alone" after that we laughed, we cried, she apologized, and we comforted each other. Next, it was time to talk to my son. He looked so taken aback, then started full-on crying. I told comforted him, telling him that it wasn't his fault and continuously apologizing to him. After he calmed down, I explained the entire situation to him. He looked embarrassed and tired, and he started apologizing for his mother's actions. After a while, he cleared his throat and said, "So does this mean you won't be my dad anymore?" I was heartbroken by that sentence and started shedding a few tears. I told him that he would always be a son and that I would still financially support him even if he cut contact with me. He cried and assured me that he wanted me as a dad and expressed that he knew that his mother wouldn't let me see him. I assured him and comforted him. About 2 hours later, it was finally time to break the news to my wife. I had both kids present, and most of you all suggested getting evidence, so my phone was in my pocket so I could record the entire conversation. I started the conversation off by asking what she had against my daughter. She was dead silent before I finally spoke again, saying, " I'm divorcing you, so you should start looking for a lawyer. I asked her to explain why she was neglecting and disrespecting my child. At this point, she was crying but not making any sound. My daughter spoke up and suggested we have this conversation later, i argued against the idea with my daughter until my wife spoke up and said she did it because my daughter is the spitting image of her mother, my ex. Obviously me and my kids and I were confused what does her looking like her mom had to do with anything. I asked her to explain further, and she started crying. I could barely understand, but apparently I was cheating on her wife my ex(Not true) she said I would flirt with her on the phone while laying right next to her.( also not true, who in their right mind would even do such a thing). She said that the relationship I have with my ex isn't normal ( I'll explain our relationship throughly in the comments) And NO I do not in any way condone cheating and I haven't cheated on my wife once. After saying that our relationship was normal, she started full berating my ex. Now, like I said before, my daughter is a naturally laid back and calm person, but she DOES NOT condone any type of disrespect towards her mother. She left my wife wife a verbal assault so foul Mike Tyson wouldn't recover from it before stomping off to her room. If you're wondering if I stepped in, the answer is no. I'm not sorry either. ( I won't repeat what she said here because I don't want anybody attacking my daughter) The conversation basically ended there. I went upstairs to calm down my daughter, and my son stayed downstairs to console his mother. I'll be taking my wife to court for visitation rights with my son. I'll also tell you all all the things the wife said in the comments to respect reddit 3000 word limit. &#x200B; **Comments** **User 1** *Wow, so basically your wife has been withholding food from your 16 yr old daughter, because she doesn't like your ex?* *There's nowhere you can go with this other than divorce, and anyone trying to say that this is any way your daughter's fault needs to give their head a wobble.* *I feel so sorry for the kids, especially your son, I really hope that his mom loves him more than wanting revenge on you. I'm glad to read that you will be going for custody, I would imagine that at his age, his wishes will be taken into account.* *You're a good dad OP.* **User 2** *It is not uncommon for a step mother to be jealous of her husband's ex-wife and be spiteful etc. to the step daughter who looks like her mother, i.e. husband's ex-wife.* *I personally experienced this as a child as I am the spitting image of my (late) mother.* &#x200B; **Editors Note -** *OOP has not updated with any comments since the last post, so for now we don't know what his STBXW said.* **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP wonders if AITAH for taking my daughter out to eat.

CONCLUDED

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16x1a9v/oop_wonders_if_aitah_for_taking_my_daughter_out/

16x1qfz

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Anxious-Mulberry-229 in r/AITAH** trigger warnings: >!talk of abortion!< mood spoilers: >!frustrating, OP sounds like he's giving a press conference!< --- &nbsp; [**I can’t see myself settling down with my pregnant girlfriend of 5 years, AITAH?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15v3d4t/i_cant_see_myself_settling_down_with_my_pregnant/) - 19 August 2023 I (29M) have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (28F) for 5 years. We've had discussions about our future goals, including settling down, having children, and other similar aspects. Initially, we were both on the same page. I believed she was the one for me. However, lately, I've been feeling a sense of boredom and monotony in our relationship. Our sex life is great, she's a wonderful cook, and she's objectively attractive. There isn't anything inherently wrong in our relationship, but the thought of being stuck in a repetitive routine is becoming overwhelming for me. Additionally, three of her close friends are either engaged or married, and she keeps pressuring me about when we’ll take that step. I had been contemplating ending the relationship because I found it increasingly difficult to pretend that everything was fine. However, last week, she told me that she had taken three different pregnancy tests, all of which came back positive. To say that I was mortified would be an understatement. Despite my best efforts to conceal my reaction, she could tell that something was off. She asked me how I felt about the situation, and I must admit that my choice of words could have been better. I asked her if abortion was an option, which caught her off guard. The following two minutes were filled with an uncomfortable silence. After that, she got up and left the apartment. Since then, she hasn't spoken with me at all, and I assume she's considering breaking up with me. Meanwhile, her friends and family have been calling me names, but I have chosen to ignore them as their opinions hold no significance to me since they aren't directly involved in this situation. Despite me feeling free and so much better now that we aren’t together anymore, I still can’t help but think I might’ve been the AH. I’ve uploaded a post with a few explanations if anyones interested [compiler's note - no further post to be found] **From the comments**: **OP**: I’m reading everyone’s comments. I’m using this as a time to self-reflect before meeting my girlfriend once again. I don’t feel the need to reply as I’m not sure if my reply is even warranted. This is my first reply to any of the comments but I want to use this as a way to say I appreciate everyone’s replies. I understand I lack some empathy here, I’m just not in a stable place at the moment but your comments are helping. Thank you everyone for your honesty **u/IdasMessenia replies**: > lack some empathy Some? SOME? Bro. Self reflect your ass to therapy. She deserves so much better than what you’ve shown in your posts and comment. Edit: I hope there is some positive update eventually and we don’t get another answer from OP that sounds like his campaign director wrote it for his press conference. &nbsp; [**Brief update: I can’t see myself settling down with my pregnant girlfriend of 5 years.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15vkzlo/brief_update_i_cant_see_myself_settling_down_with/) - 19 August 2023 This isn’t the actual update, I just wanted to clarify a few things as this ended up blowing a lot more than expected. Firstly, it's important to note that I don't simply view my girlfriend on a surface level. I wanted to highlight the aspects that appear ideal in a relationship from an outsider's perspective. Regarding my statement that she is "objectively attractive," let me clarify. Yes, I do find her attractive, and I always have. However, it's important to note that she has evolved over the years. She invests a significant amount of time and money into skincare, facials, and luxury brands. She enjoys enhancing her appearance, and I support her in that. In fact, I have personally gifted her various items related to her interests. It's essential to understand that I love her for who she is as a person. The Reddit post merely touched upon three aspects of her identity, but she is so much more than those specific qualities. Three, we always have sex with protection. We got a bit too drunk four weeks ago and the condom might’ve not been put on properly, but we’re usually very safe. I also don’t need a DNA test as some comments suggested, I’m the asshole here, not her. Furthermore, I want to emphasize my genuine love for her. However, when my life underwent significant changes and the associated pressures began to mount, I started to feel trapped and overwhelmed. Growing up, I witnessed the instability of my parents' relationship, which has undoubtedly influenced my perspective. While she is not my first girlfriend, she is the one with whom I have had a long-lasting relationship. I recognize that these factors do not excuse my feelings or actions, but they serve as an explanation for my emotional state. In response to the numerous comments requesting it, I have been seeking therapy for a while but I’ve been putting it off. I’ll try to look into it properly now to address and work through these issues. Regarding my relationship with her family and friends, there is a mixed dynamic. Her father tends to be overprotective, which has made it challenging for us to establish a strong connection. However, we have managed to find some common ground and maintain a somewhat amicable relationship. Her mother, on the other hand, is kind-hearted but tends to be reserved in her communication. Despite this, we have managed to navigate our interactions fairly well. Over the years, our friend groups have merged, and we typically gather with different individuals from the group on a weekly basis. However, since learning about her pregnancy, I have distanced myself from everyone to process the overwhelming situation. It is important to note that I do not view them as bad people, and I appreciate their efforts to reach out to me. However, I am currently feeling emotionally drained, and outside of my pregnant girlfriend, I do not feel obligated to be emotionally available to anyone else in my current state. I do plan on reaching out to my girlfriend when I work out the best way to go about this. That is all. &nbsp; [**Update: I can’t see myself settling down with my pregnant gf of 5 years**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16kbbet/update_i_cant_see_myself_settling_down_with_my/) - 16 September 2023 It had been some time since I’d made my last post, it surprisingly blew up so here’s an update. I attended therapy and realized my negative feelings when it came to monotony stemmed from a lot of factors, none relating to my actual relationship. For the sake of privacy and still coming to terms with it all, I won’t share the factors. My ex-girlfriend and I had met a couple of times since, I grieve what could’ve been every now and then but I acknowledge it was my own fault that I’d lost her. We’ve decided to remain civil for the sake of our future child, and I feel she’s doing much better now. Though we’re not together anymore, I bring her whatever I’d heard pregnant women might need. Whether that be maternity outfits, compression socks, tea to help with nausea as well as raspberry leaf tea, pregnancy pillows, etc. I love her, but I’m not good for her. We aren’t meant to be together, and I will be there for her regardless. Her friends and family still don’t like me much, but I’m fine with that. I’m just doing what I can for the mother of my child and someone I care for. Just thought I’d share this update, it’s not much but it’s what’s been going on. And fellas, bit of advice if you’re on a similar boat, no pregnant women deserves to be abandoned even if you’re not in a good mental state. Work on yourself, though it won’t be easy, and step up to the plate. I’ve rightfully been seen as awful by the people of Reddit, but I am doing what I can as of yet and can only hope for the best. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

I can’t see myself settling down with my pregnant girlfriend of 5 years, AITAH?

INCONCLUSIVE

BobTheBloviator

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16x1qfz/i_cant_see_myself_settling_down_with_my_pregnant/

16xa9je

Trigger warning - >!ableism and indications of domestic abuse!< Mood spoiler ->! Sad!< **I am not OP. OP IS** u/Throwra3681g **and they posted on** u/AITAH [AITA for telling a friend she can’t relate?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16mawh9/aita_for_telling_a_friend_she_cant_relate/) \- September 18th 2023 Am probably gonna delete laterI have recently became disabled. I can no longer make use of my legs. My disabled friend came over and visited me at my mom house even though I have told my mom to tell all my friends that I want to be alone anytime someone visits but she insisted and my mom let her in. She came in with food, we were eating silently, we didn’t say anything until this bitch opens her mouth and says she can relate to my pain, what the absolute fuck? I told her how can she relate to my pain when she was born that way and someone did this to me, I told her to get the fuck out of my house now, I think she said some things but it kind of a blur I just remember shouting get out. &#x200B; Someone I loved disabled me, everyone told me to leave this person my stupid ass wasn’t even scared I just couldn’t bare the thought of leaving him, maybe it because I have never met my dad so my pathetic self was looking for any guy. My mom literally wipes my ass now, I am sobbing because the person that warned me about this relationship is the one taking care of me. I am now my mother burden. I have to worry about court, physical therapy even though the doctor has made it perfectly clear I may never walk again and finding a job/ filing for disability. I no longer know how to live alone, my cousin had to carry me in the house and help me get into bed. And the worst part is I only have myself to blame because people warned me. So how the fuck can she relate, no am genuinely curious how does she fucking understand what am going through. Now people are texting me and telling me I don’t have the right to take my anger out on others and I should apologize, telling me I have changed blah blah blah. Like am literally crying my anger out because all I want to do is curse everyone out. I don’t know. I feel like everyone is against me and making me the villain of the story. Am I wrong here? Her words just really triggered me, am I being too sensitive……… **UPDATE -** I thought I would give a little update before I log out of this account- I apologized to my friend no excuses made. I understand that she was just trying to level with me and help me now. I also apologized to some other friends who I have been ignoring and to my mom for any overreaction or whatever. I really appreciate the comments that were written with some grace for me and telling me how it is, it really gave me some clarification that I wouldn’t have been able to see on my own. And regarding therapy, it was suggested by my doctor but I don’t want to do it, I don’t think insurance is gonna cover the whole thing and my mom and siblings are already spending so much money trying to disable proof the house to make it more accommodating for me. I really don’t want to ask her for anything else after all that they have already given me but my doctor did tell me about an anonymous group so maybe I will go there. And I don’t want to open up in detail about what happened to me either, I was beat up I know that, I can see that everyday so I don’t think I need to shrink to point that out or whatever. Thanks to everyone with compassion some of your words genuinely had me sobbing and is what I needed to not be so angry. I don’t know if I have truly changed but I will try. **COMMENTS** Someone asked why she came to reddit to post. "It easier to tell people I don’t know then actually open up to the people in my life. I just don’t know how to talk to my friends and family anymore and wanted to get this off my chest" "I am just really angry, and am trying my best not to lash out at my mom and I swear I wasn’t an angry person before but it really hard for me to control my anger these days that why I have been trying to distance myself from my friends for the time being." &#x200B;

AITA for telling a friend she can’t relate?

INCONCLUSIVE

Ok-Silver7362

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16xa9je/aita_for_telling_a_friend_she_cant_relate/

16xh7jn

**Need help looking for an update?** Comment below! &#x200B; * View last month's [Looking for a Post - September 2023](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/167r42f/looking_for_a_post_ask_here_september_2023_edition/) thread. If you posted in previous threads and didn't get an answer, you can repost your question here. * We launched a discord. Please feel free to join. [Discord link](https://discord.gg/Hx2hym2juy) * **Do NOT harass OOPs. Do NOT comment on original posts.** You will be banned if you do so. * Always read the rules of subs you are participating in. **Do NOT harass OOPs.** * If an update found here has not be posted to BoRU yet and you feel it belongs as its own post, please feel free to submit it. * If you found an update that is not eligible for posting yet, leave it on the pinned comment in this thread. * If you found an update that is eligible but you don't want to post it yourself, leave it on the pinned comment on this thread. &#x200B; # DO NOT HARASS OOPs. Do not comment on posts linked in this thread or on posts linked in BoRUs. Doing so will result in a permanent ban from this sub and possibly the other sub. Leave your comments here in BoRU and again, do not harass OOPs. Please see the [brigading policy](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z6fk6u/meta_brigading_please_read_to_avoid_being_banned/) &#x200B; &#x200B; **Tools to search for a post** View our [How to search for a post wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/search) &#x200B; **Popular Posts** A list of the [most frequently requested posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/faq_lfp) such as the PS5 saga, Peegate, and the Thanksgiving Turkey. The one about the woman whose FIL and husband thought she would die in childbirth has no update. If you're looking for the one where OOP's husband gets violently sick when OOP's sister announces her pregnancy, you can [read it here](https://www.rareddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ze6pf2/my_husband_started_acting_strangely_upon_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button). &#x200B; **Want to know the origin of a flair?** See this [list of flair origins](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/recommended_reading/flair_origins) &#x200B; **Looking for something to read?** * [r/BestofBoru](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofBoru/) \- a companion sub of curated, concluded updates * [r/bestofpositiveupdates](https://www.reddit.com/r/bestofpositiveupdates/) * [r/OhNoConsequences](https://www.reddit.com/r/OhNoConsequences/) by BoRU mod [u/mermaidpaint](https://www.reddit.com/u/mermaidpaint/) * r/BestofRedditorSagas for posts with a large number of parts * [Best Updates of 2021](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/rzxz1z/announcing_borus_1st_annual_best_of_winners/) * [Recommended Subs & Collections](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/recommended_reading)\* \*Collections only work on desktop new reddit &#x200B; **Don't harass OOPs. Don't comment on original posts. Thank you.**

Looking for a Post? Ask Here! - October 2023 Edition

META

czechtheboxes

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16xh7jn/looking_for_a_post_ask_here_october_2023_edition/

16xmbch

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/The_Almighty_Lycan **Do you have experiences with neighbors getting addicted to your eggs?** **Originally posted to** r/homestead **Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU** [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/homestead/s/JnTsjdi5Y2)  **Sept 12, 2023** I have 5 buckeye hens and one rooster who on paper (due to work I'm not really home enough to do a count) give me about 2 dozen eggs a week. Now, when I'm out of town that quickly leads to an excess of eggs in the fridge so I make sure my house eats the most recently laid (because fruits of my labor) and anything older is fair game for friends/family/neighbors to buy. About a month ago, the one of guys who own the junkyard by my house bought 3 dozen and ate them all within a week. He kept coming trying to buy more and I had to sit down and try to slowly explain (he doesn't speak much English) that he bought all the extra eggs that were available so I'll need some time to get extras again. His response is that his wife doesn't like the taste of grocery store eggs anymore and only wants the ones from my hens (felt good to hear there's a noticable difference in quality from someone else) Fast forward to today, he seen the girlfriend collecting eggs from the coop for her breakfast, tried to buy the 3 eggs in her hand on the spot along with trying call her a liar when she said there weren't any extras to sell at the moment. Now on top of building another coop and checking on new hens I purchased, I also have to play politician.....over eggs. Anyone have similar experiences with selling produce/ eggs/etc to neighbors and whatnot or did I make a mysterious feed blend that turns people into crackheads? EDIT FOR NEWCOMERS OF THIS POST: - There was no trespassing, he was working on the roof of the office and called down, not trespassing/harassing • Being as I'm not home, I don't know the tone of the conversation so "playing politician" means figuring out if it was said jokingly, out of frustration, or legitimately upset. Worst comes about I'll be informing him of either a price increase for priority customers or that I'll only do business with his wife or brother to make sure cooler heads are the only ones interacting. • It is plausible that they're selling my eggs for a profit, however Im really only selling older eggs so that the birds can pay for their own feed. As far as I'm concerned, I'm getting what I ask for with zero complaints about the cost so unless we go through another egg shortage I'm fine with what I'm getting since I'm not focused on turning a profit. My homesteading is just like my guns/hunting/fishing hobby. It's a mental write off/easy way to justify how much things cost because it's busy work to keep me active and it puts food in the fridge so it's beneficial. • Duck eggs to me taste like chicken eggs, however Ive only eaten them scrambled with cheese and salt cured. Salt cured yolks are delicious with noodles, almost had a cheesy flavor, as far as scrambled the eggs just have a thicker/firmer texture. Still good either way • This post is more of asking about similar experiences. Seeing as this is the first interaction and I wasn't home to get a feel for the tone of the conversation, it's more of a " people are crazy" and not a horror story post...but if that changes I'll update. Conveniently I got more hens (4 barred Plymouth, 2 RIR, and what I believe to be a white Plymouth) mostly because the gf and I eat half a dozen beggs a day for breakfast when I'm home, and my bucket girls only gift me with 3-4 total eggs a day, so they wouldn't be able to keep up with just us, not adding the roommates intake and anyone I've sold to **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **NightFightsDay** >You need to re evaluate how many people with no stake in this situation are telling you that your neighbors' behavior is concerning. **OOP** >>I do not feel a need to be concerned just yet because I know the girlfriend has a tendency to be a little over dramatic about some things (events were listed exactly as she said it) and because there is a language barrier which might have added to how things sounded. When I get back home and talk to them to make sure everyone understands that my household needs comes before their's. Previous times he's seen me collecting eggs and asked if there were any eggs there's never been an interaction close to that hence me treating it as a "huh that's weird" situation right now [Update](https://reddit.com/r/homestead/s/oBei3U4AvH)  **Sept 16, 2023** So I made it home a little bit early and sure enough, that guy was up on the roof when I went out to check on the birds and get everyone fed/watered. I told him to give me a moment so I could continue with my morning routine and went into the junkyards office to talk to his brother who speaks better English Though everyone's concerns of a hostile situation/harassment were valid I went in neutrally to try to see if it was legitimately something to worry about or a misunderstanding because of a language barrier. The result is that it indeed was a misunderstanding. From what I was told, it is 4 households that have been buying eggs when they're available even though I've only met the two brothers (which explains them burning through so many eggs so quickly). I was also informed that they buy fresh eggs off of a few other people, however since my house sits right behind the junkyard it is simply just more convenient for them to purchase from me. The misunderstanding was when I said "no extra eggs available", that we had eggs and we're just selling to other people (which I said is my right and what not). But It all got cleared up and I informed them that we also eat about half a dozen eggs per day for breakfast when I'm in town, and that with Winter time soon approaching they'd have to find another source because my hens would slow down or completely stop laying. I try to be patient and clear things up if there's any misunderstanding instead of cutting ties with people. Homesteading is a very expensive way to live poor, and you never know how the people around you can have a beneficial relationship so I always opt to be friendly at first. Seeing as I drive an old pickup, friends at a junkyard can very obviously be useful, along with after this interaction I was given a business card to contact them as they have a concrete and roofing business as well, which I feel can be very beneficial when i eventually find a place to call home and need help. By trade I am an electrician, so my plan with homesteading is to be self sufficient enough to sell/extra produce for things I don't feel like buying myself while also being able to trade work with people to lighten the bill when I need things done. Never waste an opportunity to make friends, we're all only human and it's borderline impossible to do everything alone **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **scaryoldhag** >You have a solid character. Thanks for not escalating, as many seem to do first. **OOP** >>A reasonable level of patience has never lead be astray. I knew there was a language barrier so I figured there was just a misunderstanding and I'm glad I was right **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Do you have experiences with neighbors getting addicted to your eggs?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16xmbch/do_you_have_experiences_with_neighbors_getting/

16xmkff

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/_banjo_massacre_ **Originally posted to** r/insaneparents **My mother refuses to tell me anything about who my biological father is after a decade of asking** **Editor's Note: This is a very long one that needed to split in two parts.** **A big thank you to** u/Direct-Caterpillar77 **for the help with transcribing the text messages** Trigger Warnings: >!Parental alienation, sexual assault, verbal abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, emotional manipulation, child abuse, gaslighting!< Mood Spoilers: >!Emotional, happy for OP!< ---- &nbsp; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/insaneparents/comments/16isinx/my_mother_refuses_to_tell_me_anything_about_who/) \- **September 14, 2023** **TRANSCRIPT OF TEXT MESSAGES** **OOP in Blue** **OOP's mom in Black** **OOP:** Hey Mom, hope you're doing well. I'm just gonna get straight to the point with this... Recently, \[My aunt\] friend \[Aunt's friend\] found some old photos of someone named \[My Dad?\] in an old album that I'm sending with this text. It's hard to ignore the resemblance between him and me in terms of the chin, eyebrows, face shape, and physical build. My \[aunt\] \[Aunt's friend\] and now even \[My fiancee\] are convinced that's he's my father and they are actively trying to find him since these photos are from when they lived in \[Area I currently live\] They're looking through old yearbooks they can find online, tracking down the address and street info of where they think he lived, they're even looking for his two sisters and his parents to see if they're still in the area. It'll take some time and investigation, but I know that eventually they're gonna find him.. I also know this is an uncomfortable topic for you, and I know I've asked you about \[My dad?\] before, but I hadn't seen these pictures when I did. I've been thinking a lot about family lately especially with the wedding coming up and \[grandpa's\] passing a couple months ago, and I'd just really appreciate it if you could share any information or thoughts you have about this. It's important for me know more about my background and to understand my history better, and I hope we can have an honest conversation about it. I don't want to keep asking about this, but I'm also never going to stop wondering. And I think it would be really awkward if we found \[My dad?\] and it turned out it really wasn't him. I don't even know yet if I want to try to meet whoever it really is, I just need to know who they are and where I come from. I hope you can understand why I feel this way. **OOP's Mom:** Ok but he's not hard to find. He's a lawyer now and living \[Place he lives\] with his family Hope that helps Last I heard he was the president of a frisbee golf league and had his own practice **OOP:** 🙁 okay **OOP's Mom:** In case \[My aunt\] forgot his last name \[is My dad's? last\] **OOP:** Is it really him? **OOP's Mom:** I think he played rugby as well Nope But have it **OOP:** Okay, can you tell me anything about who it really is? Please? **OOP's Mom:** As I am sure you are aware I am out of town. When I return, if you would like to get together to discuss this I would be glad to. **OOP:** I've been asking for years now and this is the most forthcoming you've ever been, and you're not actually giving me anything here, just denying. If you could give me any info and show me you're actually willing to share, I'd be willing to meet and discuss further. **OOP's Mom:** That's your choice **OOP:** 🙁 okay I do just want to be clear as to why I'm not just going to meet without you providing any info, and it's because I'm not going to waste my time for you to just repeat that \[My stepdad\] is the only father I've ever known. First of all, he's not \[my grandpa\] was more of a father to me. \[Two of my uncles\] \[Uncle #3\] were more fatherly to me than \[stepdad\] ever was. And now whenever anyone asks about who my dad is, my first thought is to think of \[Teacher who took me in after I graduated\] And second, I don't care really care about what father I've known because I'm asking you about the one I don't. I'm not even looking to have a relationship with whoever it is, or replace you or \[Stepdad\] as my parents or anything like that, I just want to know where I come from. I don't understand why you've been and are still being so difficult, and I really don't want mean to be mean about this, but you have told me literally nothing. You won't even give me a reason WHY you won't tell me. How else am I supposed to respond when you won't tell me anything, at all? I'm more than happy to meet in person and discuss with you, but you have to show me that it's actually going to be a meeting of some value. You're not just gonna give me an ultimatum of meet you in person or never find out, that's just not fair after how you've acted in the past. Like I said, I don't want to waste my time hearing you repeat the same thing you've said me every other time I've asked. I want to actually make some progress here, and until you can show me you're actually willing to meet me in the middle on that then I'm not willing to trust you'll uphold your promise to discuss further. **OOP's Mom:** Ok **OOP:** Considering that this is like the #1 reason why our relationship is the way that it is, and you actually giving me some answers on this might actually do something to repair that relationship, I don't understand why you won't tell me anything. It's like you don't want to have any kind of relationship with me. Do you really hate me that much? Do you refuse to tell me anything to push me away? **OOP's Mom:** I do not hate you at all. I love you very much! I offered to meet to discuss all of this. I gave you all of the information I have for \[My dad?\] so you can pursue that if you wish. You continue to believe anything and everything that \[My aunt\] tells you about my sex life which she knows nothing about and I find that absolutely disgusting of her. This is not a conversation for text and if you do not wish to speak with me then that is your choice. While this may be A reason that our relationship strained it isn't the only reason. Even after I give you answers I know things will not change, so please don't act like they will. Regardless, my offer still stands. I will be back by Monday. I'm off Mon/Wed afternoons and all day Fridays for the next couple of weeks before I go back to work full time. Just let me know. I hope you and \[My fiancee\] have nice relaxing evening! The wedding is getting so close. I bet she is so excited. I'm not sure if he told you or not but Grandpa is able to come after all! I'll be bringing him with us. He is really excited that he's able to make it. If for some reason you decide you don't want me can always there \[my younger sister\] bring him, so don't worry about that. **OOP:** Mom I have already explained, you need to prove to me that you are actually going to give me information. It has been ten years since I found out, and for that entire decade you have refused to give me any information about my father. That has been your choice and it is why our relationship is the way that it is. I do not believe anything and everything \[My aunt\] says. That is why I am trying to confirm it with you, because I don't think it's \[My dad?\]l still want to know. who my father is. If I believed \[My aunt\], I would already be on my way to \[My dad?\], but I'm here asking you just to tell me one fucking thing and you still won't. I don't understand why you won't. It literally makes no sense. And you're right, our relationship will not just go back to normal if you tell me. But if you never tell me, then our relationship will NEVER improve and only get worse. That is also your choice, and one you continue to make. I won't have a relaxing evening tonight, because of this. Because you still, after a decade refuse to tell me anything about my father. That's great that grandpa can come, I didn't even know he might not. I don't really want you at the wedding, but I'm not going to uninvite you or prevent you from coming. I wish you could come and we could escort you down the aisle, or have a mother-son dance with you, but I don't feel comfortable doing any of that with you because you continue to lie to me. **OOP's Mom:** Ok, that's your choice. I have given a lot of information today. And offered to meet and tell you whatever you want to know that I know. I cannot do much else. **OOP:** Do not try to deflect from what I'm talking about. You've given me a lot of information about \[My dad?\] who you also say is not my father. So unless you're recanting that, and now saying that he is my father, then like I said, for a whole decade you have refused to give me any information ABOUT MY FATHER. And like I said, I will happily meet you and discuss with you, but you HAVE to convince me that you're actually going to tell me anything. Because, unless \[My dad?\] IS my father, you have for a decade still refused to tell me anything. &nbsp; **Relevant Comments from OOP:** >**OP:** Just to give a little context, up until I was 15 I thought my stepdad was my biological father. In a fight where he choked me and pinned me against a wall, he finally told me he wasn't my real dad. Ever since, I've been asking my mom who my father is, and every time I ask she just says that my step-dad was the only father I ever knew. > >My aunt has a theory about who my father is. She was living with my mom around the time she got pregnant, and there was a guy that my mom had dated that she suspects. Over the weekend, my aunt found photos of who she thinks it is, and I actually do resemble him. So I decided to show my mom those photos, and ask her again, and this was how that went. > >I honestly don't really know if I'll ever find out who my father. Nobody other than my mom actually knows who it could be, and I don't know how I can figure it out without her. And I know she says in these messages to meet her in person to discuss this, but over the last decade we have met about this topic 4 or 5 times and every time she just says "your stepdad is the only father you've ever known." Maybe if I did meet her, she actually would tell me, but I really just do not want to get my hopes up just to get burned again. > >Anybody have any advice? lol 😢 > >Edit: holy shit...I really didn't expect this response and I will do my best to respond to some comments tomorrow but I gotta go to bed, this whole situation as reignited some feelings I think I've been bottling up and I have been feeling very overwhelmed today and I am just very sleepy. Thank you all for the support tho, I really really do appreciate it from everyone. Definitely considering a DNA test, as many have suggested. > >Edit 2: so my Aunt that has been the driving force behind this theory is a little OCD and she has been writing notes in an appointment book every day of her life every year since she was 12. She found her appt book from 1997, and confirmed that around the time I would have been conceived was when my mom started dating the guy she suspects, to the point that my mom was seeing this guy daily. This was at the end of June. At the beginning of August, my aunt, my mom and her roommate went on a vacation to Florida, where my mom started throwing up after everything she ate. My aunt and her roommate got suspicious, made my mom take a pregnancy test, and it was confirmed. Only after that did my mom break up with the guy she was dating, and then immediately moved away. It's possible she cheated and was ashamed, or she was SA'd and didn't want to admit it to anyone, but because of how the timeline matches up so well, and the different ways I resemble this man, my aunt is going to reach out to make contact with him, and ask him if he thinks it's possible. Then if he does, we'll check DNA to confirm. *I'm with the other posters, get a DNA kit, see if anyone pops up.* *Can you check your birth certificate for a father's name, or official birth records?* >**OP:** I have my official birth certificate, the father section is blank. It's one of the only documents I was able to get from my mom when she and my stepdad kicked me out. Like I didn't ever get a SSN card from her or any other documents, like medical records. I kind of had to start over and get all the rest on my own. &nbsp; [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/insaneparents/comments/16on9rg/update_my_mother_refused_to_tell_me_who_my_bio/?share_id=O9ip-aeHGtOewq7ETE2-o&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) \- **September 21, 2023 (One week later)** Hi all, last week I made a post about how my mother has refused to tell me anything about my biological father for the last 10 years, and so many of you responded with so much support and kindness, it was really overwhelming and I appreciate you all so much. Many people asked me to provide an update to the situation, so I wanted to write this up to share how things have progressed since then. I also wanted to provide more context about my mother and step-father, and how things devolved the way they did. This is gonna be pretty long, so sorry in advance. TL;DR I found my biological father, we met earlier this week and took a DNA test to confirm. And he’s coming to my wedding next weekend. My mother, on the other hand, will not be welcome. Before I get into how it all went with my dad (can’t believe I can say that now!!) I wanted to share some more context about what my life was like growing up. I saw a lot of people making some assumptions about me and my relationship with my mother, and I wanted to share more details with you all about that, just to give more context on what this journey has really been like. I have some very very fuzzy memories from when my mom and I lived alone. When I was younger, I hadn’t really put the pieces together and I hadn’t ever suspected my step-father wasn’t my biological father. I would tell my parents then that I couldn’t wait to grow up, and be tall like him (he is 6’11”) and asked if my hair would turn dark like his had (he has black hair, but had blonde when he was young like me) along with other things I would talk about wanting to share in common with him. My parents always assured me it would happen one day. When I was 13 and in 6th grade, a teacher of mine asked me a question I hadn’t ever been asked and had never thought about: Why is my last name different from both of my parents. I answered her and said that they got married after I was born, and that I just assumed they didn’t want to change it. But I went home, and asked my mom, and thats the first time I remember her really clamming up about the subject. After that, I started getting suspicious she was hiding something, and that made me think about my younger years a little more. My step-dad and I had never really gotten close since their marriage, we didn’t go out and do anything together. The year after they had gotten married, they had my sister, and that’s when I think I started getting pushed to the side a bit. That’s also when the spanking started. At first it was normal, just slaps on the ass, but eventually it escalated to slaps on the ass as hard as possible, then further to making me bend over a bed with my pants at my ankles and whipping my bare ass with a belt. The abuse wasn’t just physical, though. My step dad would call me things, like dumbass and shit for brains, for both big and small mistakes. I threw a snowball and hit his car one winter, caused absolutely zero damage, but that earned me my first belt whipping and an earful of yelling. For a while, my mom seemed to just ignore these things. Then at some point when I was in my early teen years, one of my cousins came to live with us and I watched as my mom began to change too. I witnessed my parents emotionally abuse my cousin, in just really cruel ways. They would yell at her for little mistakes, called her dumbass to her face and to me and my siblings as well, they made fun of her for getting bad grades. When we were that young, we had chore charts with a bunch of different tasks we had to do everyday, and I remember one time when my cousin was tasked with wiping down all the baseboards in our house. My mom found one spot that still had mud, so they made my cousin re-wipe all of the baseboards with her toothbrush. Another time my cousin had made a mistake and been yelled at, and she was kind of really quiet and clearly upset. Because of that, my stepdad told her to get out of his sight and go stare at a wall in her room. And she did that, for over an hour just sitting and staring at the wall. When my stepdad found her like that, doing what he had told her to, he laughed and called her a dumbass for actually sitting and staring at the wall. I saw all this, and I’m really ashamed to say that I participated in mocking my cousin, too. When they would pick on her, they would leave me alone, or compare me to her in front of her and tell her how much better I was at cleaning things or at school. And she would cry in front of them, and they just smiled and laughed at her and called her ridiculous. I acted like my parents, and to this day the way I had treated my cousin makes my stomach turn. Eventually, my cousin moved back to her grandmothers house, and my parents seemed to calm down a little bit. But at the time, I didn’t realize they were just going to shift their focus to a new target: me. Just after I turned 14 years old, things with my parents had been getting sore again, but I had a bike and I used it to escape the house as much as I could. One day, at the very beginning of the summer before my freshman year of high school, I had a bad accident. I climbed on top of a jungle gym at a park with 2 of my friends, and I slipped and hit my head. An ambulance had to come, and I had to stay in the hospital for a couple days because I had a subdural hematoma, concussion, and needed staples. All of this cost a lot of money, and I think this is what finally broke the dam with my stepdad. Within a week of my injury, while still recovering from the concussion, my stepdad berated me for being an idiot, a dumbass, for costing him so much. He called me shit for brains any chance he got. And I knew he was right, I had been an idiot, and I hated myself for what I had done. For my entire freshman year at school, things just kept getting worse. I knew my stepdad was resenting me more and more, so I spent less and less time at home, riding around on my bike as often as I could. Usually with friends, but sometimes just alone. At the end of my freshman year, after I turned 15.,my stepdad and I got into a an argument. My brother and I had gone to the basement to have a little “campout”(thats what we would call it if we slept somewhere that wasn’t our room) but my stepdad came and told him not to do that with me. As we went upstairs, I told my brother sorry that Dad was being mean about it, and thats when he turned around, charged at me, grabbed me around the throat and slammed me against a wall. I punched his face, but he just laughed and asked me “What the fuck are you doing?” Then he punched me back, and I started seeing stars. He let go of my throat, and I ran away, going upstairs to my room in the attic. He followed close behind, and I thought he was going to kill me, but instead he just very calmly said “You want to act like this, fine, you stupid ni\*\*\*r. But just so you know, you are not my son, I am not your father.” And yes, that n-word is the one you think it is. We are both white. The next day, my parents told me to call my grandpa and ask him if I could spend the summer with him. He said yes, and I left 2 days later, to another state. It was pretty nice to get away from them, and it was a nice summer. My grandpa bought me an iPod touch so I would be able to keep in touch. At the time, my parents refused to get me any kind of phone. When I got home, things were cold. My parents wouldn’t talk to me much, and I never really felt safe in that house again after that. When I was able to finally tell some other family members about what was happening, my aunt offered to let me come live with her. My grandma was super supportive, and wanted to help any way she could. But when my mom found out about this offer, all hell broke loose. She cut off both my aunt and grandma, forbid me from talking to them, took away my iPod, and grounded me from riding my bike or leaving the house. I felt so trapped, and I told them if they were gonna cut me off from everyone like that that they would seriously regret it one day. I wasn’t threatening them with violence, or even myself, but because of that my step-dad called the cops, told them I was suicidal, and I was committed to a mental hospital for 2 weeks. That was also a nice escape away from home. Even though it was super strict there, I was being fed, and the employees that worked there would actually talk to me. They listened to my story, and one of them gave me some of the best advice I think he could’ve. He told me that the best I could probably do was keep my head down and wait until I was 18. And so, when I was released, thats what I did. I would only ask for things like to learn how to drive, which my parents refused to ever do, and otherwise I was quiet and obedient at home. My parents would give me the cold shoulder most of the time, and I felt very isolated for the next 3 years of my life. When I graduated, I reached out to my grandma and aunt for the first time, and we were able to reconnect. My aunt bought me a phone and put me on her cell plan, and from there things escalated with my parents. They were livid I had met with my aunt and grandma, and essentially stopped talking to me completely. I was working on building a videography business, and I had been able to start working with a company in the city where I lived doing wedding videography, so I knew I would be able to save up money if I could just wait a little longer. Then the contract came. My parents did not believe my videography work was a real job. I had just started right after graduating high school and only got the opportunity to film 4 or 5 before I was given the contract. This contract required I get a whole other job, minimum of 25 hours a week, I had to get myself a drivers license (but they wouldn’t teach me how to drive, I had to find and purchase a car for myself, I had to pay for insurance for myself. There were lots of little things I had to do. I asked them what would happen if I didn’t sign the contract, and my stepdad said that if I didn’t he would kick me and all my stuff out onto the curb that day. My mom just sat in silence. So, I signed. The next day I told one of my high school teachers that I needed advice. He was great at listening, and he and I had become friends as much as a student and teacher can. When I told him the entire story, he did something I didn’t expect. He said he had already assumed that something was bad at home, and that he had talked to his wife already, and that they were offering to let me come live with them. And I did. From there, he and his wife helped me learn how to drive. Within 3 months, I got my drivers license. The next month, I got my first car. After 6 months of living with them, I was able to move into an apartment in the city, and I’ve been living on my own ever since. I’m 25 years old today, and over the last 10 years I’ve tried to reconcile with my parents, either visiting for a quick christmas or inviting my mom and siblings over to my apartment. In that span of 10 years, I recall 8 separate times I asked my mom who my father was. 5 of those times were in person, 1 was over the phone, and the last two were over text. The last post I made was that second attempt over text. The last time I asked my mom in person, I asked her about the man that my aunt had suspected to be my father. To my face, my mom denied he was my dad. Last week, when I texted her and asked again, with the photos of him, she denied him again, and said he was not my father. This time, I didn’t believe her. So last Friday, after I made my post, I called this man. He thought it was possible that I was his kid, so we met in person the following Monday, to see each other in person, but also to take a paternity test. After the test, we spent pretty much the rest of the day together, talking about his and my life. He’s an amazingly sweet guy, really kind and caring, and he told me that day that if I really was his son, that he had already made a place in his heart for me, and that he would be really disappointed if I wasn’t his kid. On Wednesday, our DNA lab results came back, and we were a 99.999999% match. I had finally found my biological father. Some of the things my mom has done in this situation confuse me greatly. She never told anyone the truth, and even lied and told people about either a wrestler or a random guy she had a one night stand with were my father. After she had me, she actually called my bio-dad once, and she told him she had a son but that I wasn’t his son. Someone else told him I was half black(he is also white), and so he never thought I was or even could be his son after that, and he didn’t really even know I existed until I called him last Friday. She also denied that he was my father on two separate occasions, explicitly. And I really don’t know why she kept me from him, or kept me in the dark about him, because he is seriously so nice. He’s already called me family, shared images and stories about his wife and kids and extended family, told me stories. Last night, he got to meet my fiancee for the first time after we got our positive match, and then he gave us $5000 to help cover some of our wedding costs, just out of nowhere. He thinks his kids are going to be excited to have a big brother, and he wants to do his best to make up for lost time with me, even though he has an 8 week old baby right now, and I just can’t be any more overwhelmed with happiness and excitement, just at the fact that he wants me in his life. I was so scared for so long my dad just didn’t want me, so to have him act like this has just been…kind of surreal. This is getting long, and I think I’ve summarized pretty much all the relevant context to this situation. If anyone has any questions, I’ll do my best to answer them quickly. I’m also going to post images of the contract my parents forced me to sign so you all can see what that was like, and how even in that kind of a document they would belittle/demean me and the things I did for work. To all that offered support and were so kind to me on my previous post, I appreciate you all and hope that you’ve enjoyed this roller coaster of a story. To anyone that read all of this, thank you for taking the time 🙂 **Editor's Note: OOP has shared a picture of the contract that he was asked to sign** **Relevant Comments from OOP:** >**OP:** [Here are images of the contract I was forced to sign](https://imgur.com/a/C8yB4v1) > >On the first page of the contract: It reads “Parent/Adult Child Household Agreement”. The text said “This contract was set forth on October 30, 2016 in order to establish rules for [OOP’s name] while living in this household as an adult child. This contract runs from this date till February 13rd, 2017 or when the above party leaves for another living situation. On this date, the contract will be reviewed if the above party is still in residence. Both mom and dad reserve the right to change this contract at any time and as a courtesy will give [OOP’s name] 5 days notice before the change takes effect. > >Summary: Parents created a list of how much OOP will pay for rent which covers housing, and all utilities including electricity, water, etc. The payment was to be up on 13th every month. If Rent isn’t paid by 20th of the month, OOP will pay a late fee of $50. The rent comes to the total of $280. > >On the second page, it shows that OOP must agree to complete the lists of chores to help the parents such as feeding/watering and cleaning messes for dogs living at the house. OOP also was required to do some other chores like vacuuming, taking out trash, sweeping and so on. OOP isn’t allowed to have any overnight guests without approvals. He was required to obtain a part time job (25 hours a week). If he loses a job, he will have up to 2 weeks to find another job. If no new job is found, OOP would have to do extra household chores to help those who are working. > >OOP was given a date to obtain valid driver’s license, a minimum of liability insurance, and a vehicle to drive. He is responsible for his gas, insurance, and maintenance of the vehicle. Parking will be on the streets. OOP was also responsible for doing his own laundry once a week on Wednesdays. He has the responsibility for his own personal space and will keep it clean and orderly. > >OOP was asked to be respectful, responsible, and safe to himself and all members of the household all times. Then below of the contract, he signed the agreement as the adult child along with a parent’s signature (likely to be the mother’s). &nbsp; *This is wonderful news! Your last post made me so angry with your mother and I’m thankful you were able to provide us with an update!* *I am curious though, what does your dad (yay!!) have to say about all this? Does he have any insight on who your mother was around the time you were conceived? I’m still wondering if maybe she had multiple partners and suspected he was your dad, but wasn’t fully sure. The reason I wonder about that is because the comment she made on your last post about her sex life. Aside from that, her keeping this from you for 25 years tracks with the abuse you experienced in her home. To put it bluntly, your mom and stepdad are pieces of shit.* *On the topic of her, does she know you found him? What has she had to say for herself? What’s her lame ass excuse for keeping you from him? I hope she’s embarrassed and ashamed, but I have a feeling she’s not capable of feeling either of those emotions.* *I’m so happy for you OP, that you can put this chapter behind you and move on with your new life. You’re getting married, you have your dad and a whole new family! How exciting!* >**OP:** My dad is over-the-moon excited just like me, I think we're both champing at the bit to spend time together and make up for lost time, but he's got an 8 week old baby and I don't want to take time away from them. His wife is also very shocked at the moment, so we're going very slowly with all of that, and I totally understand and appreciate the position she's in right now. > >As far as his take on what happened, my mom was very hot/cold with him back then, sometimes being all about him one day and then putting up a wall the next. As far as anyone knows, my mom was not sleeping around at the time and solely focused on my dad. I also don't think she doubted he was my father, because we realized she's been keeping up with his life for the past 26 years since they were together. I don't think she just did that by coincidence, y'know? > >As far as her tho, I don't think she knows I know. I think I'm gonna call her, see if she'll lie again, and then I'll confront her with the truth if she does. But yeah, idk if she's the kind of person capable of feeling shame or anything like it. She's the type that, in her mind, she can do no wrong. [Continuing in the Part Two of the BoRU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16xmkre/my_mother_refuses_to_tell_me_anything_about_who/) &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My mother refuses to tell me anything about who my biological father is after a decade of asking - Part 1

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16xmkff/my_mother_refuses_to_tell_me_anything_about_who/

16xmki3

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/thefreakychild **Christian neighbor asks my atheist/satanic self an odd, yet oddly sweet, favor.....** **Originally posted to** r/atheism [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/atheism/s/6CwkZgKKO0) **Sept 8, 2023** Story time: So, there's this old guy that lives across the street from me. We'll call him T, and T is in his early 80s. His wife died about 6-7 years ago, and now he lives alone. Over the past while, I've checked in on T to see how he's doing, bringing him some homemade meals every so often, giving him rides to the grocery store and shopping with him, making sure his companion cat has food, and just generally trying to be a good, caring, thoughtful neighbor and friend to a dude who probably needs it. Today, while I was working, T called me up and asked if I could bring him to the store, and I said 'Sure, of course! I need to go there myself. I'll see you at 5:30 after I get off work' So, off we go. He gets his list of groceries, I grab a few things, and back to his house we go to unload and get things put away. While doing so, for the very first time, he brings up religion... Which is also when I realized I was wearing a t-shirt with and image of baphomet on it T is really respectful, says that he's Christian, I acknowledge that I do not believe, and I thought that was that. Well, it wasn't. He goes on to expand on how he believes that the rapture is soon to come. (We're talking like next week, soon) I do that, 'ok, uh huh, sure' polite non-argumentative thing. Mentally checked out of the conversation, but present enough to respond appropriately yet politely not agreeing. At the end, he says 'the only reason I bring it up isn't to prostheltyize, but to ask you something.' "What's that?" I responded. "If it does happen, can you watch over my cat if I'm gone?" He asks. Ya'll, for real, I wasn't ready for that shit... Not at all where I thought he was going with it. Of course, I said 'yes of course' and backed it up with saying 'no matter what happens or why you may not be around anymore, if your cat is still around she'll be in good hands with me' Like, on one hand, it's an absolutely hilarious situation, but damn the heartfelt earnestness of it got me. Sweet, but silly, all at once. Anyone else had an experience even remotely similar? Edit 1: Wow, thanks everyone for all the wonderful comments and sorts of both support and of concern for T. I can't reply to everyone, but I just wanted to say this. We all have a choice in how we approach the world. We can do so in a positively impactful way, or we can do so in a way that isn't. It's completely your choice, and who am I to say which is more valid or responsible? I choose to conduct myself in a way that I perform acts of service for my community without, and free of, the thoughts or beliefs that doing so will return some sort of eternal reward. I urge everyone to do the same. None of us get out of this alive, so we may as well support and uplift each other when and where we can. Edit 2: Hot damn, ya'll... thank you so much for all the comments and love... For those asking for updates, I absolutely will post and update to this over the next week or so and let everyone know how T's doing and all that. For all those wondering, the cat's name is Lily. She's a super sweet orange and white fluffball. Be kind to each other. We never know what someone else is going through in their life, and a simple offhand moment of kindness to your fellow human could mean the absolute world to them and for you it's just another Tuesday.... Edit 3: Finding it kinda funny, and a little disheartening, that I've received so many 'you can't be atheist and Satanist' type comments..... Folks, read up on the differences between theistic satanism (a vanishingly small segment of those who identify as Satanist) and modern (TST, and some aspects of Church of Satan) aligned satanism. I use Satan and Satanism first and foremost as a way to utilize the social connotation of the imagery (to set one's self apart visibly) and for its 'othering' aspects mentally. I can get down with the 7 tenets, but I do not consider myself a TST satanist or member.. At my core, I guess you could say I'm fundamentally a humanist with baphomet wallpaper. Read up a little bit before making an uninformed comment. Cheers all, I challenge you to do something good both for yourself and for someone else today.... [Update](https://reddit.com/r/atheism/s/4q0yZ6VkZK) **Sept 25 2023** So, some of you may remember my post from a couple weeks ago. /r/atheism/s/tAJ8tEq4nI Obviously, the Rapture didn't happen.... I've seen T several times before and after the day, and he seems to be doing ok... he hasn't referenced the date being missed, and I haven't pressed the issue.... Overall, I imagine he must be somewhat embarrassed, but who am I to rub that in? Ya know? The cat is doing well also, and I brought her over some nice freeze dried salmon treats yesterday for him to give her.... Either way it goes, I'm still being the same exact sort of neighbor as I was before this. Offering help when and how I can, providing that help if asked, and going over to just chat with him on the front porch for a while... If he never brings it up again, that's just fine by me. I just wish him a content and fruitful life for however long he has left. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **DrunkenKarnieMidget** >Lots people suggesting pranking this guy. Seems both pointless, and cruel to do such a thing to a neighbor that has brought no ill-will to OP, despite being aware of their theological differences. **OOP replied** >>Yeah... It's actually rather depressing and distressing that so many people are advocating callus and tone deaf reactions and actions.... >>We're better than that. >>I get it though, a lot of us have religious traumas that paint our view of religious practitioners and how we approach them. >>But, who are we to visit those traumas and trauma responses on individuals who have not harmed us directly? >>If anyone were to ever look at, and study, methods of deradicalization and deprogramming from religious cults, they would find that overwhelmingly the most effective and efficient methods begin and end with compassion, empathy, and making sure that the person is heard, cared for, and is able to make positive connections that differ from where they were at. >>Being constantly and openly so antagonizing does nothing more than feed a confirmation bias to the religious that 'godless heathens' are spiteful and 'evil', just as they have been taught to believe.... It actively drives people away from deprogramming and deradicalization...... >>We've got to be better than that... **THE OOP HAS APPEARED IN THE THREAD** [Here](https://reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/QjJJ7ceRMT) Hi. OOP here. You can start at any time, there's nothing holding you back from being the person Mr. Rogers would want you to be. Good works for your fellow human don't have to be grand gestures or actions. Sometimes it's as simple and small as offering someone else the same compliment that you would want to hear for yourself. [And here](https://reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/gOU25wD6Sy) OOP here.... There's never anything but one's self stopping them from being a compassionate, empathetic, and good person. I have my faults, as we all do, and I am sometimes prone to anger and resentment... I am no role model, but I do make a conscious decision each morning when I wake up to confront the day with grace and forgiveness and to extend that to my fellow human when and where reasonable and just. Be the person Mr. Rogers would want you to be. Nothing's stopping you. Take careof, and be kind, to yourself, friend. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Christian neighbor asks my atheist/satanic self an odd, yet oddly sweet, favor.....

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16xmki3/christian_neighbor_asks_my_atheistsatanic_self_an/

16xmkli

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Miserable-Mousse-637](https://www.reddit.com/user/Miserable-Mousse-637/). They posted in r/amiwrong **Trigger Warning:** >!infidelity!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!ugh but also hopeful for OOP!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/16lwdn0/am_i_wrong_for_not_agreeing_to_become_a_sahw_when/)**: September 18, 2023** I’m retiring in about 3 ½ months (January, 2024), and my husband and I disagree on how the division of labor should be once that happens. Since meeting my now husband, I have been very vocal about my plans to retire when I turn 40. I’ve planned my life around this goal, lived below my means ever since college, and gave up things to meet this goal. We got married in our early 30s, so it’s only been 7 years since then. He also saves for retirement (I finally got him to up his amount to 20%), but won’t be able to retire until at least 62. He’s instead chosen to spend his money on things that make him happy, and I fully support and encourage him in that –everyone has different goals in life. We are both child-free by choice so that isn’t a factor here. I’ve said in the past that I’m not going to be doing all of the cooking, cleaning, and finances once I retire because I don’t want to replace one job with another. I currently do all of the cooking, most of the finances, and probably 25% of the cleaning. I think that it’s fair as my husband usually works more hours than I do and I’m a picky eater so it just works out the best. He recently made a casual comment about how he’s going to start working more overtime once I retire because he’ll have less household stuff to do. I asked him what he meant by that since my retirement doesn’t really change anything for him, and that I preferred he didn’t work more overtime so that we could spend time together. He said that most husbands with stay-at-home wives don’t clean the house. I didn’t know what to say because I thought we had already discussed this, so I tried my best to change the subject, but we had an argument about it yesterday at dinner and he’s now giving me the silent treatment. I slept in the guest room last night as he locked our bedroom door and wouldn’t let me in. I just don’t know how to get through to him. Even though I’ll no longer be working, I won’t be a stay-at-home wife (by my own definition). To me, a stay-at-home partner is the “manager” of the home and doesn’t bring in much, if any, income. Their job is to take care of the home. I’m not trading one job for another, I’m retiring. I’m still bringing in income, I’ve just planned my life so I no longer have to work 9-5 to do so. I have multiple hobbies that I have been super excited about devoting more time to. I love rock-hounding, crocheting, and hiking. I’m an unpublished writer and have always dreamed of becoming published. I have a lifestyle blog and a pretty active Pinterest following; I’m not super consistent and they’re not big enough to monetize so I count them as hobbies not “side jobs.” I also have a very long travel bucket list. I’ve already started looking into non-profits in my area I could volunteer for. I know I still have limited hours in a day, but even if I only volunteer 1 day a week, I still feel like I could be helping our local community. I know we’ve had conversations about this and he’s always been supportive, even of me leaving for a few weeks every so often to solo travel, he’s always been excited for me. I’m totally confused about this change and I’m freaking out. I thought I communicated my expectations, but he’s saying that he doesn’t ever remember talking about it and that he’s not okay with me retiring if I’m “just going to be lazy.” I don’t see it that way, am I wrong? ***Relevant Comments:*** *How are you currently splitting expenses?* "We split expenses proportionally based on income. I pay 70% of expenses and that will continue once I retire." *More about husband:* "To be fair to my husband, this post is about an argument we’re having. I didn’t put in my post all the great things about him and all the other things we agree on. I struggle with depression and anxiety and he’s the only partner I’ve had that has helped my mental health rather than hurt it. He’s usually very understanding, kind, and reassuring. The things that make me good at money management make me bad at enjoying life. I’m very serious and can be a realist (despite my fantasy worldbuilding lol), but he’s an outgoing, fun guy who has taught me to live in the moment and relax. The reason I thought to post here is because this argument is not normal for us and his attitude and behavior caught me off guard. He does pull his weight, all the jobs he does are the ones I’m literally physically unable to do or ones that I hate and he doesn’t mind. So I very much enjoy our arrangement." *Locking you out was not ok:* "I will definitely address what happened last night. Locking me out is one of main things about what happened that concerned me enough to ask for outside opinions. But from reading the comments, I think I may have been too quick to shut him down instead of coming up with a compromise or figuring out why he was changing his mind on the topic." *When is the last time you brought this (retiring early) up with him?* "I went on a weekend backpacking trip about 5 months ago, and when I got back I made a comment about how I can’t wait to be able to hike more often. We ended talking about my travel plans for the next few years. Because I do all the cooking, that was brought up as well, he wanted me to make all of his meals ahead of time before I leave, but we ended up agreeing that I would stock the fridge and he would either cook for himself or get takeout. If he retired, he wouldn’t do more work either, I know this because it was hard enough getting him to agree to do the chores he does now. Because I do all the cooking (breakfast, lunch, and dinner), most of the finances, grocery shopping, and kitchen cleanups, vacuuming/mopping, general picking up around the house, dusting, I also manage any repairs. We live in my dream house, but because it’s old it needs a lot of care. My husband wanted a newer home so I agreed to take on all of that. I also manage the carriage house that we rent out. If I did any more of the chores I wouldn’t have time for anything else. He does landscaping, cleans bathrooms, takes care of his turtles, cleans windows and blinds, and takes care of his laundry and the communal laundry (towels, sheets, etc). I think it’s fair as we both do most of the chores over the weekend (obviously except daily chores) and we both have free time." *It feels like you two are living separate lives at this point, at least as far as finances go:* "Well, other than joint expenses, we keep our finances separate. When we first started dating he had about 100k in debt, I helped him get a plan in place to pay it off and payed about 20k of it myself. I own multiple rental properties that I bought in my 20s that aren’t marital assets. Most of the stuff I gave up was in my 20s before we met because I made less money. I never went out and lived on 35k/yr even though I was making 70k pretax. Now I make enough to save half my income but still have around 100k left for expenses. I pay 70% of the bills, but I’ve given up trying to get my husband to think more seriously about retirement. I love him and we agree on everything except finances. It’s never really been a problem until now." *Why DON'T you want him to work overtime when it would allow for him to save more?* "If he wants to focus more on retirement, I would be more inclined to do more of the housework and have him work overtime. But I would want him to agree to putting that money into retirement instead of spending it like he has in the past. Even with this arrangement, I still wouldn’t want to do everything." *What does he spend it on?* "He spends a lot on expensive legos, action figures, and limited addition comics (I knew what I was getting myself into, we met at a convention). I pay 70% of our expenses. That includes date nights, our house, and our cars. I have hobbies as well, I crochet but buy cheap yarn (I don’t sell anything so it doesn’t matter to me), I love geology but I find new rocks instead of buying expensive specimens, etc." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/16ruuq9/update_am_i_wrong_for_not_agreeing_to_become_a/)**: September 25, 2023** So he came home very late that night after ignoring his phone. We didn’t end up talking about it and I slept in the guest room again. He works from home Tuesday and Thursday, so the next day he was home when I got off of work. I spent the day gathering my thoughts and preparing to have a calm discussion. I tried to remain calm, but he was so defensive and accusatory that I was getting very frustrated. We weren’t very productive and we ended our talk with him denying that I pay 70% of the expenses even though we planned this out and budget together based on it. I told him I’d go through our expenses to prove it. And being the person that I am, I did so the next day. This is where the problem starts. When I was going through our expenses, I found a charge on my husband’s credit card from 2 weeks ago that I did not recognize. It was not an insignificant amount so I originally looked into it just to see if it was a household or personal expense to use in my calculations. It turned out to be a bill paid to a law office. For very obvious reasons I wanted to know more information on why he was being billed by a law office. I looked up the office and it was a divorce attorney specializing in property division. I logged into his email (I have proof that he has given me permission to access his email at any time to go over expenses and expenses-related issues) and found his conversations with said lawyer. He was trying to find a way to overturn our prenup so he gets half instead of what is agreed upon in our prenup and wanted to try and get alimony as well. I had no idea he wasn’t happy until we started arguing on Saturday. That morning, he woke me up with breakfast in bed, a total surprise since it wasn’t a special day and he almost never cooks. 2 weeks ago, we had a Star Wars movie marathon and ran around the house in a lightsaber battle. Last month, he communicated that he felt like we weren’t spending as much time together as we normally do, so I planned more date nights. He’s gotten me flowers at least once a week for months now. I just didn’t understand why he wanted to divorce, without even trying to express what he was feeling to me first. When I went all the way back to the very first emails (late July), a woman we’ll call “Ashley” was brought up. I tried to think of a way to confirm my suspicions without him suspecting that I know what he’s been up to. On Saturdays, we sometimes get takeout, so I purposely left my phone upstairs and asked him if I could use his to order the food, and I was taking too long to “figure out what I wanted” so he went downstairs to finish what he was doing, giving me more time. It was hard to wait that long without letting on what I knew, but from Thursday to Saturday I began to get a plan in place. I spoke with a divorce attorney and scheduled my consultation, and made sure I had any legal and financial documents I may need. On Saturday when I went through his phone, I found instagram messages between him and “Ashley”. By going through the messages and looking at her account, I figured out a lot about her. Ashley seems to be a nice girl he met on Tinder back in May. She is 27 and married to her high school sweetheart who can’t bring in enough income for her to be a stay-at-home-wife. Considering my husband works in tech (and by looking at the messages, lied about how much he makes), he is obviously the better option. He’s lied to her about wanting to have kids and has told her that it’s the reason he is unhappy in our marriage. I don’t know what he’s thinking she’s going to do when she finds out he had a vasectomy. Ashley is apparently willing to be a “proper woman” and do “wifely duties” (these are her words not my husbands). From cross checking dates, when he’s supposed to be hanging out with friends or at a work thing, he’s actually with her. She has a weird work schedule so she sometimes COMES OVER TO OUR HOUSE on the days he works from home and I’m in the office. She is convinced that after they both go through their respective divorces, that they’ll live in the house together, get married, and have kids. He has just gone along with everything she says. He’s told her that I’m lazy and hardly make any money, and that I wanted to quit my job and not do any work which is why he’s “finally” gotten the courage to leave me. He said that he’s taking extra care in the divorce because he “doesn’t want to leave me with nothing.” He also told her I changed my mind about having kids and that I’m denying him his masculine desire to continue his lineage. Now you may be thinking. Are you stupid? How did you not know? The answer is, I had no idea and I must be dumb as he played me for a fool. I’m trying to put some humor in this for my own sake, but I’m sobbing as I write this. I just got back from my new attorney’s office with a lot of forms to fill out and I’m so overwhelmed and still feel confused for some reason. Like this must just be a really bad dream. I reached out to Ashley’s husband so they’re probably heading towards divorce as well. He seems like a nice enough guy, also totally blindsided by the affair. I told my husband I was divorcing him last night and told him he could either sleep in one of the guest rooms or get a hotel room. He chose the latter. So, that’s my update. Our prenup has a 99% chance of holding up in court, but we also have an infidelity clause that I’m hoping to prove so I can keep 100% of the house. I was willing to put my dream house in the infidelity clause because I knew I would never cheat, he was fine with it at the time as well, but is now blowing up my phone about it. If I can’t prove his affair (which is unlikely considering the evidence I have), I would have to pay him about 25% of our equity in the house. Which is enough for a downpayment on another house, so he wants me to not bring his affair into our divorce. Which is weird to me since he had no qualms with bringing the affair into our marriage. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Did he text you asking you not to bring up the affair in the divorce? Because that's evidence* "Yeah… I never said he was the smartest. In the texts he’s saying to not bring up Ashley (doesn’t mention an affair), and that she shouldn’t be involved in our divorce, that we should keep things to ourselves, etc. But I sent myself screenshots of the messages from his phone that prove infidelity." *About his "lineage" line:\]* "The funny thing is that he just made it up! He got a vasectomy before we even met and is even more staunchly no kids than I am." *About Ashley:* "I’m pretty sure she’ll find out the lies from her husband since I told him everything. I’m now hoping her husband will get a big promotion suddenly or something where he’s “finally” making “enough money”, but now they’re divorced and she is stuck with my husband or left finding someone else." *Has he been watching Andrew Tate at all?* "I don’t think so, I think he’s been trying to emulate a very masculine, well-off, traditional man in how he presents himself to Ashley. From the outside I could see him doing a good job at that. He’s a lego/Star Wars/Marvel nerd who also happens to be tall and still has all his hair. He’s always been confident in himself and what he likes, and everything he’s said that sounds ridiculous like that I know to be false, and I highly doubt he believes it himself." *I wonder how long he's been doing this:* "I know that they met on Tinder in May, but I don’t know if he’s ever done anything like this before. Since it’s very likely I’ll be able to prove infidelity in court, I don’t necessarily need to know if he’s had other affairs, but I hope he’ll tell me the truth if I ask. Maybe he will if I ask him after the divorce is settled so it wouldn’t hurt him at all." *Ask her husband to send you evidence too:* "Yes! I’ve sent him all the screenshots I sent myself from my husband’s phone. Ashley also isn’t staying with him, and he’s trying to get her to tell him the name of the hotel she’s staying at to see if it might be the one my husband’s at. Neither one of us share locations with them so that’s probably why it took so long to find out about the affair." **Mini update in comments (in reply to the one above)** "I guess a mini update to what I replied to you about earlier, but it turns out Ashley is staying at the same hotel as my husband. Go figure lol"

Am I wrong for not agreeing to become a SAHW when I retire?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16xmkli/am_i_wrong_for_not_agreeing_to_become_a_sahw_when/

16xmkre

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/_banjo_massacre_ **Originally posted to** r/insaneparents **My mother refuses to tell me anything about who my biological father is after a decade of asking** **Editor's Note: This is a very long one that needed to split in two parts.** **Note #2: The update post contains another text message screenshot post with OOP and his Grandpa and another phone call with OOP's mother** **A big thank you to** u/Direct-Caterpillar77 **for the help with transcribing the text messages** Trigger Warnings: >!Parental alienation, sexual assault, verbal abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, emotional manipulation, child abuse, gaslighting!< Mood Spoilers: >!Emotional, happy for OP!< &nbsp; #**Editor's Note: This is Part 2 of a continuing post. If you have not read Part 1 linked below, please do so before continuing onto this one.** [Recap in Part One of the BoRU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16xmkff/my_mother_refuses_to_tell_me_anything_about_who/) &nbsp; [**Update #2**](https://www.reddit.com/r/insaneparents/comments/16s2j9c/part_3_my_mother_refused_to_tell_me_who_my_father/) - **September 25, 2023 (Four days later)** **TRANSCRIPT OF TEXT MESSAGES BETWEEN OOP AND OOP’S GRANDPA** **OOP in Blue** **OOP’s Grandpa in Black** **OOP:** If you calm down and are willing to listen to what I have to say, instead of trying to tell over me, you can call me back and we can talk. If not, I’m not sure if you should come to the wedding next weekend, either. [My mother and stepdad] are already aware they aren’t welcome. **OOP’s Grandpa:** I’m not sure we really have anything to talk about anyway. [My name] I’m not even really sure why you called me as your grandfather I assume just as I treated my grandparents I thought you were looking for some advice or wisdom. What you appear to be doing was trying to talk me into something that I’m not gonna buy into I’m not getting involved in the way that you may want me to with what’s going on between you and your parents you and [Sister] you and [Brother 1 and Brother 2] I have no idea what you’re trying to do. And by the way you ere the one talking over your Grandfather I’m not sure any of my grand children have ever spoken to me and yelled at me like you did and hung up on me. [My aunt], you and whoever else decided to take on this family drama at this time makes absolutely no sense to me this should’ve been one of the happiest times for all of us with you and [Fiancee] getting married. And I’m especially sorry that you see fit to dis-invite me to your wedding. And if you read your words that’s actually you just did. If and when you get over the past 10 years and all that’s been involved with it instead of trying to convince people to take sides between you and your parents maybe we can talk some more. I don’t think you were looking for grandfatherly advice but if you want some it would be probably be a good idea to just leave well enough alone especially till after the wedding find your happy place with [Fiancee] and enjoy this prenuptial time together I know both of you will find happiness with each other and have a good long life together. I love you both always have [My name], Grandpa. **OOP:** I was not calling for grandfatherly advice. I was calling to tell you my mother and I are no longer on speaking terms, and that she will not be attending the wedding. Now, because you have taken her side on this, you will not be attending either. She lied to me, she said she hadn’t even slept with my father and that it was impossible for him to be my dad. I was trying to explain the whole situation, and instead you wanted to argue with me and berate me for calling my mother the liar she is. So, I have absolutely no shame in saying that [my mother, my stepdad] and now you are not welcome at the wedding. Understand that this is not something I wanted to do, this is the result of your choices in this matter. If you’d like the opportunity to listen to how my mother lied to me yet again, I recorded the entire phone call she and I had today. You can listen to if you want: [OOP installed a text message of Google Drive] **OOP’s Grandpa:** [My name] I’ve said my peace on this subject so many times over the past 10 years that I’m sick of it. What’s happened in the last two weeks which I suspect includes your grandma you, and [My aunt] and I have no idea why [my aunt] got involved with this it’s really none of her business. However, by trying to convince family Members to take sides on this issue including me which I have not done And you certainly have the right as an adult to think what you think. Do you not realize that your mother is also my daughter and I love her as much as I love you and yet…. regardless of what you think and you have every right to do that I’m not taking sides on this issue because what I see at a distance is that the poison from all this is spreading rapidly throughout the entire family you need to think carefully about the drama that is going to separate many of us from each other for some time to come. What a shame. I don’t know how it could be worth the damage that’s already done. I know you have found all the happiness in your world that you need do you have a great job you have a great woman in your life and I wish you all the happiness take care grandson. **OOP:** I wasn’t trying to get you to pick a side. You have already taken your side which is try and convince me to fix my relationship with [my mom] I have tried, I have told you I tried, and that she, on every front has been obstinate in that goal. This is not “family drama”, my grandma has nothing to do with this, [my aunt] is only involved because I asked her to be because my mother refused to tell me the truth. You keep digging that hole through, [his name] keep showing me how you are think I’m wrong for “starting drama” with my parents who LITERALLY ABUSED ME. If you or she, or [my stepdad] arrive at the wedding, you will be asked to leave and escorted out. I’m not putting up with her bullshit or your sanctimonious “family above all” spiel that you continue to bang over my head, and yet seemingly forget about when you speak to my mother. &nbsp; **OP’s post below the text messages** Hey everybody. I didn't expect to have any more stuff to post about this situation, but in discovering the rot within my mother seems to have also been inside my grandpa all this time. For some context on this text exchange, lots of people on my original post about my mom encouraged me to give her another chance. My sister also really wanted me to give her an opportunity to tell me the truth. I knew, and told everyone else, that my mother would lie to me. However, I wanted to give her one final chance, not for my benefit, but so that I could show others that I had been right not to give her that opportunity in the first place. So I called her multiple times on Friday, texted her, no response until Saturday morning. I pretended that I was still looking for answers, and I let her try to gaslight me about this once again. What she didn't know was that I already had the answers I was seeking, and she also didn't know that I recorded the entire phonecall. (I live in a one party consent state) I will post the transcript of that call in the comments so you all can see what she had to say. Immediately after that phonecall, I tried to call my grandpa, because his plan for the wedding was to come to my parents house, and then they would drive him to the wedding with them. I was calling him to just tell him that my parents would no longer be coming, and to try to find another way for him to get there. When he answered the phone, I asked if he knew anything about what my mom and I had been going through this week. He lied and pretended he knew nothing. As I told him the story, he kept cutting me off and asking me questions, trying to question the credibility of my aunt or questioning whether or not I was really sure that I had found my dad. Then, he started yelling at me for calling my mother a liar, and I realized that she had already called him and told him her own version of the story. I tried to get him to stop yelling, and told him if he didn't stop and listen for a second, that I would hang up. He didn't stop, so I hung up. This text exchange is what followed that. He is no longer responding to me, giving me a similar silent treatment to what my parents used to give me. &nbsp; **Additional Comments from OOP:** On Friday I called my mom to give her one last opportunity to tell me the truth, as many people on my original post about this issue suggested, but she did not answer or respond until Saturday morning. Saturday, she called and I missed the phonecall, but immediately called back within 5 minutes. My mother did not know that I was recording the audio of this conversation, and if anyone doubts it’s authenticity I can provide an edited version with names and locations cut out for anyone to listen to. Here is the transcript from that call, with names and locations and any other identifying info redacted: *phone ringing* My mom answers. Mom: Good morning Me: Hi, sorry… we’re washing plates right now for the rehearsal dinner tonight and I just was not by my phone. Mom: Oh- that’s fine. Me: I just needed to step outside before I could call you. Mom: That’s okay, I just got up. Me: Yeah, um… look I just really wanted to clear the air, just… I really am sorry for going off on you- Mom: You don’t need to apologize, it’s fine. Me: But um- this is just really important, and I just want to know something. I’ve been talking to [my aunts name], obviously, and other people and… [my aunts name] said there was another potential, that it was some wrestler or something like that, or… I don’t know, I’m just trying to figure something out. Mom: Mhm. I think it’s a really poor choice for you to talk to your aunt about these things because I think that she's probably filling your head with some sort of fantasy about what has happened and what could potentially happen. You know, there are specific reasons we’ve never talked about this and why I have always said to you what I’ve said to you about [my stepdads name], and why you have never had this person in your life. Me: Can you just tell me why, then? Cuz you haven’t ever given me a reason why you won’t tell me anything. And you’re saying- Mom: (cutting me off) Well you act like…you act like I…like I chose that life. Like I chose to be a single mother.. at 19.. like that’s what I chose, and I chose not to have a dad for you. Like that’s the life I chose. Me: Can you just tell me- Mom: Which is not the case. Like who would choose that life? Me: I don’t know. Mom: That’s not what happened. Me: So what- can you tell me what did happen? You don’t have to who it is or why…just- Mom: I will tell you, first of all, that [my bio dad] also knows that I was pregnant. Me: Yeah. Mom: And that he was not your dad. Like he and I had that conversation. Me: Okay. Mom: Right? Me: Yeah. Mom: So that ship has sailed. Me: Okay. Mom: And then the other person also knew that I was pregnant and also knew… didn’t want anything to do with me or the baby. Me: Okay. Mom: That person also left college because of it. And I don’t know where he went afterwards. Me: Okay, but it was him? Whoever that other guy was? Mom: Yeah…yeah. Me: How do you know? Mom: How do I know what? Me: That it was him. *long pause* Mom: Uh, because I’m not a whore? Me: Okay…I don’t really understand what you mean. *long pause 2* Mom: Because I had only slept with that one person. Me: Okay. Um…and he just didn’t want me in his life? And you were trying to protect- Mom: He didn’t want me in his life, or anything else. Me: Okay. Mom: Yeah. It didn’t have anything to do with you, obviously. He didn’t know you. Me: Yeah. Mom: He was in love with somebody from high school, I have no idea if that worked out for him. No clue. Me: Okay. Well, I have something else I need to clear the air on. Um…when you responded with all that information about [my bio dads name] last week- Mom: Mhm. Me: -I thought it was kind of suspicious that you knew all that stuff so I called [my bio dads name] on Friday…last week…and explained the situation and what was going on. And he thought it was possible, too. And he and I met on Monday, and we took a DNA test, and we got our results back on Wednesday, and he is my biological father. *longest pause so far* Me: So I wasn’t really calling to get answers, I already have them, I was just hoping you would tell me the truth and I don’t know why you’re still lying to me. It could just be that you don’t know, but I’m telling you that I know who my dad is- Mom: Okay. Me: -and he’s coming to the wedding, and you and [stepdads name] are not. I was really really hoping you would tell me the truth just now, but you denied even sleeping with [my bio dads name], and he’s my dad! I…do you have anything to say before I hang up and we never speak again? *long pause 4* Mom: I’m uh…shocked- Me: (I interrupt) Mhm, because you never slept with him, right? Mom: -because he and I, I’m not joking, he and I had that conversation. Me: No, he told me that you called him after I was born, and he asked if I was his son and you just straight up said no. Mom: Exactly! Me: How did you know? Why did you tell him that when I’m his kid? Mom: I just told you. Me: I’m his kid! I don’t understand why you think hes…why you…I don’t understand how you think that you telling him back then is some kind of proof when he is my biological father. Like you were wrong then…you’re still wrong. Like I…you don’t have anything to say about that at all? Mom: I just…am completely shocked. Me: Yeah? Me too. Me fucking, too, mom. Because I asked you 7 years ago if he was my dad and you straight up told me no. I asked you last week, and you straight up told me no. And, you know, I get it if you weren’t sure, but you should’ve just said “I’m not sure.” The fact that you acted so certain and shot it down 7 years ago…Do you know…he is…I spent all day Monday with him after we took our test, and he and I have been talking all week since…He is so nice. I don’t think you understand how good of a feeling it’s been to meet him, and interact with him, and find out that he had no idea that I could have even been his kid. He has been so accepting about this all…he wants me in his life. He lives 15 minutes away from me and has lived 15 minutes away from me for like 5 years now. My dad has been 20 to 30 minutes away since we moved to [town i grew up in] when I was 7. And since I was 15, you’ve known how important this was to me, and you wouldn’t give me any information. I told you…I told you years ago that if I found my dad without you, that that was going to be it. Do you remember that? This was the last thing that was holding any chance of our relationship being fixed and you held it from me. Even until I called you today, you were still telling me there was no chance because you didn’t even sleep with [my bio dads name]? And then you, you have the gall to act like I’m dumb or crazy or just misguided- Mom: (interrupting) That’s not what I said- Me: No no no no no. No. You acted like I was misguided to listen to [my aunts name]? She was fucking right. She knew 7 years ago. She has been trying to convince me, and you…I don’t even know, you’ve been like gaslighting me to convince me to doubt, and it worked. It fucking worked, and I…I am just done with that. So…I’m just done. Mom: Okay. Me: Okay…Do not come to the wedding. I don’t want to hear from you, I don’t want to see you ever again. I hope that you let the boys come next weekend, but if you don’t that’s your choice. And I want you to understand that everything that has happened has been your choice. You keep saying it’s my choice, it’s my choice…this has all been you, because you fucking lied. And you gaslit me. And you treated me like shit, and you watched while [stepdads name] treated me like shit, and you knew how much it hurt that I didn’t know my father, and you kept going with it. *last long pause* Me: We’re done. Okay? Mom: Okay. Me: Goodbye. And then I hung up. I fully intend to follow through and never speak to or see my mother again. My grandfather, I have given the opportunity to apologize and listen to what I was saying, but he has yet to respond, and I highly doubt that he will. &nbsp; **Relevant Comments from OOP:** *i am so confused about her lies. why would she say she never slept with him when there was a chance he was your biological father? it's 2023, d.n.a. tests are available at walgreens now. this seems just like such a stupid hill for her to die on.* >**OP:** I think she thought if she told me this stuff, that I would drop the search and give up. Her comment on our phonecall about how "that ship has sailed" felt more like an attempt to get me off the right track. > >And I think her being so shocked was more about how I had already purused that lead and gotten the truth, and was actively catching her in a lie. *Who are "the boys"? Are these close relatives who your mother could feed misinformation about the wedding un-invite?* >**OP:** They are my other half siblings from my mom and stepdad. I have a sister and two brothers from them. And my mom has been feeding them misinformation about me to them, claiming I was invited on family vacations (never was) and that I just refused to go because I didn't want to be with them. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My mother refuses to tell me anything about who my biological father is after a decade of asking - Part 2

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16xmkre/my_mother_refuses_to_tell_me_anything_about_who/

16xmkwt

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Savings-Carpenter249](https://www.reddit.com/user/Savings-Carpenter249/). He posted in r/AITAH **Trigger Warning:** >!emotional abuse!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!cathartic!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16okpp0/aitah_for_telling_my_parents_they_were_horrible/)**: September 21, 2023** Hi, first time posting. I (16m) was born when my parents were very young. Like my mother was 16 and my father was 17. Both families decided it would be the best for me if effectively my maternal grandparents raised me and my bio parents got to live their lives. That is not to say I didn't know who my actual parents where, this is not one of those situations like in movies where the mother pretends the daughter's child is actually her own, I and everyone knew who my progenitors were. My father moved away when he was 18 but my mother remained in my grandparents house until she was 23 and I was around seven but that doesn't mean we were close. She always treated me more like an annoying little brother rather than a son; she didn't like spending time with me, never attended any of my school functions or showed interest in my academic work or took me to do any fun activities. Whenever I was talking about my day she would roll her eyes or change the topic to shut me up. When she moved out I barely saw her, she just came to family gatherings and said and awkward hi and not even look at me. It hurt even if by that point I already considered my grandparents to be more my parents than her. My father was still living away (they weren't together at this point) but would come once or twice a year to visit his own family around the holidays and always made it a point to visit me and take me to do some sort of fun activities like going to the cinema or my favorite restaurant, things like that but to me he was more like an strange man than a dad because when I compared him to my friend's fathers who picked them up from school every day and went to their games and played with them on the weekends I didn't understand why this man who I saw maybe twice a year was supposed to be the same. Anyway fast forward to a year ago. My father moved back to the same city where we live. He tried to hang out with me more often but I wasn't really interested although sometimes I complied. I don't hate him I just don't know him. I even had a bedroom in his apartment which is cool because he lives in the center of the city. Behind everyone's back both my parent's had started hang out and a couple months later they announced they were dating. It was a shock. They asked me to move in with them to my father's apartment which I refused but they argued that we could finally be a family. I was about to start an argument on them when my grandma just said that changing school districts would be very inconvenient and I could lose all my friends and the situation deescalated by itself although my parents didn't let go of the idea. My parents asked for me to spend more time with them and this was particularly frustrating because even though I never had any particular tension with my father I most definitely do with my mother, I don't like being around her and she's treated me poorly my whole life and I feel like she's now only trying to save face because she knows my dad wants me there. Now onto the issue: Last week they both came into my grandparent's house. They announced they were going to buy a house nearby in the neighborhood so that I can finally move in with them. I immediately said no and when they said that changing schools would no longer be an issue I found myself in a corner and I said that was never the problem and that I just simply don't see them as my parents and don't want to live with them. That's when they dropped the bomb on us: Not only they wanted me to move in with them so we could be a family but my mother was pregnant so we were going to be a bigger family even. I was shocked and I blew my lid on them. I told them they were the worst parents in the world and that they abandoned me for 16 and now they were going to bring another child into the world and do the same to them? And they never apologized for treating me like garbage and like a mistake they made and making me feel like I wasn't supposed to exist and dumping me to be other people's responsibility and only now that they feel like they care they want to be my family. My mother screamed back at me telling me I was a brat and that she wasn't going to make the same mistakes twice raising her second baby and I told her she never raised me to begin with and my father said that they were young and trying to do the best they could. Well guess what the best you could was pretty effing bad. I stormed out and went to my sobbing. I been very depressed for the last week. They have both called and texted since but I ignored them. My grandparents agree with me that I shouldn't move and that my parents shouldn't expect me to be all loving and forgiving after how they've treated me however they believe they are starting a new chapter of their lives now that they are more mature and stable which I guess leaves me behind. I've also had time to think that I'me the same age my mother was when she had me and what a huge responsibility that must've been however I still can't forgive them. AITAH for the way I reacted to the news? Edit: Thank you everyone for the verdict of NTA. I feel better and it has somewhat cleared my mind. Also huge HUGE thank you to all that are commenting about how awesome my grandparents are. I'm planning on showing them this post so they can see how much everyone can see the amazing kind of people they are and they deserve all the love and appreciation I could possibly give them and more. I've also come to the conclusion that I have a lot of resentments and unanswered questions as well as misgivings about the future that I need to set straight with primarily my father. He needs to know how I grew up and I need to know why he abandoned me, I also feel like I need to warn him about my mother because I am worried about my sibling being abandoned an mistreated like I was, so I'm preparing a list of points and questions that I want to bring up to him and we'll meet tomorrow or the day after and I'll confront him with all of these to hopefully get some sort of closure or resolution. ***Relevant Comments:*** *More information on relationship with mom and dad:* "My father really really wants us to be a "happy family". When the three of us are together you can see him beaming with joy like he can't actually stop himself from smiling and making comments like "This is everything one could possibly want" and stuff like that. I think probably my mother has sold him a completely different story on what our relationship was growing up when he left and he doesn't seem to notice the tension between me and her. As far as my living arrangements they would have to pull me screaming out of my grandparents and they signed away their paternal rights sometime after I was born so I don't think they even have a legal foot to stand on if it came to that but I just hope they can come to respect my decision ." *When you're ready, consider meeting your dad alone to find out information from him:* "I was thinking that too, I want to have a conversation with my father mostly about my concerns about my mother and what to do moving forward. The more I think about this the more I'm scared about my little sibling because I'm not sure how my mother would take care of them" "I'm starting to feel like there's a lot of things that I don't know about the time when I was born and why I was effectively abandoned because my other set of grandparents (paternal) don't live far away and I see them occasionally but it's always more uncomfortable with them, they have other children and grandchildren whereas my mother is an only child so when I visit them I feel like the odd one out because I'm usually alone in a big family enviroment. But about why my dad didn't reach out to me I don't know and I want to confront him about that. As far as I'm aware when he was away he didn't keep much contact with my mother either this is just since he came back, that's why I feel like I need to talk with him and set things straight because I feel so lost honestly" ***There is no consensus bot on AITAH, but a majority of comments were NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16qzpk8/update_aitah_for_telling_my_parents_they_were/) **1: September 24, 2023 (3 days later)** Hi everyone, thank you all for the responses, it really helped a lot. It's been an emotional couple of days and a lot has happened, my mind is a little bit dispersed but I felt like I owed you all an update, and I'm doing to try and be as clear as possible. For those of you who didn't read my OP the gist of it basically was that my(16m) parents had me when they were very young (16f, 17m), they got separated and left me to be raised by my maternal grandparents. My mother was around but couldn't care less about me but my dad went away and we had very sporadic but positive contact. Now he's come back, they're back together, they're having a new baby and want me back into their lives. I refused and told them they're horrible and shouldn't have kids which brings us to the OP. First of all I shared my post with my grandparents and they were so surprised by it. They were very happy to see how many people commented about how amazing they are and I, in turn, also took the opportunity to tell them how much I loved them and how much I appreciated everything they had ever done for me. They are my real parents and nothing is ever going to change that. There were some tears and they told me they loved me and how proud they were of me. They never thought of themselves of doing something special or worth so much appreciation, they were just taking care of family but they are the best. After that I started trying to collect my thoughts and arranging a meeting with my father to discuss the things that were bothering me; why did he abandon me, why did he think he could just reappear into my life like that, that I wasn't going to move in with them and I didn't consider them my parents because they never acted as such, etc... We met at a park and he went to hug me but I stepped away and he looked hurt and he just apologized for what happened the other day and went into this speech about how we could try to transition into living together part-time and respect my boundaries and I went blank, I didn't expect for him to talk so I pulled out my phone and just showed him the post I made the other day and he started reading it in silence. After a while he read it all and some responses and he just asked me if this was true and I said yes and he asked me if I had questions he would answer honestly. I asked what happened when I was born and he told me that when my mother got pregnant all options were laid on the table: abortion, adoption, marriage, gramps taking care of me, only one of my parents taking me in... My mother was deadly scared of adoption **(editor's note- contextually I think OOP meant abortion here)** because some religious group had told them some horror story about dead babies and mothers being killers or some bs like that so she wanted to give me up for adoption but my father refused, he couldn't bear the idea of having his child living somewhere and never seeing him again, so he proposed to taking me in as sole caretaker and leaving his college plans to stay in our city but his parents weren't thrilled with this plan and pushed him to go to college so that he could provide economically for me. They offered themselves to take care of me but they were significantly older than my maternal grandparents (she was and only child and, at the time they were just forty whereas my father has five older siblings and his parents were already in their sixties) and since taking care of me meant taking care of my mother for a while as well my maternal grandparents decided it was the best decision for them to take me. Also, intermediately after I was born, my mother had post-natal depression and the doctors advised them to not completely remove them from her side or more damage to our relationship could be done and my grandparents wanted her to eventually love me as a son. One thing to note about my father that I didn't mention in my OP is that even when he was in college he worked part time to pay child support and once he started working in a law firm he started sending more money to my grandparents and set up a college fund for me, which was news for me. My grandparents don't know about this but my mother does so I don't know what to do of this information. My father thought of me all the time he spent away and believed he had left me with a happy family and that he was working to give me a better life but I followed his life trough social media, he went to parties, vacations, had girlfriends and did lots of fun stuff and barely had any contact with me, I asked him why couldn't have he made more of an effort to be a part of my life? Like I understand if he needed to study in another city and work there but it's no effort to call or text, coming once a year just doesn't cut it. He looked ashamed and apologized to me and I took advice that I saw in a lot of the comments here that I would forgive but not forget and that maybe we can build a relationship going forward but it will always be marked by his actions in the past, if he hasn't been my dad for 16 years, he can't start now. He seemed sad but accepted my conditions. I then told him about my concerns about my mother, told him how bad he treated me as a child, that I did not think she would be a good mother for my sibling and that I wanted to go low/no contact with her. He said that after he left for college and they broke up he would call her once in a while to check up on things but that quickly ended and when he came back she explained to him that her and I had a great bond and, even though we didn't see each other daily, it was because I was "in those teenage years" and that she loved spending time with me and had been a very hands on mom. I told him that all that she said was a lie and that she never cared for me, he obviously read the stuff from my post but I also told him other things like when she would ask my grandparents "babysitting money" for taking care of me or that she would call me annoying or disgusting to my face when we still lived together and that severely messed me up. He was very serious and said he would talk to her but that he really would not allow a child to be treated like that and that he was sorry for letting that happen to me. Lastly he told me I would have a bedroom in his house but he understood perfectly that I would never live there. He was quite emotional at this point and got chocked up at this point when he asked me if, even if I didn't consider him my father I would consider his baby my sibling. I said of course and that I planned to be a very active part in their life if I could. He started crying and asked if he could hug me and this time I agreed. I am happy about the resolution of our conversation and I really do believe he will be a good parent for my sibling. Once again thanks to everyone who commented and took interest in my story, I don't know if I'll update again. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Find out who has the college money:* "My father has it, I have no idea why my bio mother kept the info from us but my father stressed that the money was for me" *Except she's back with him and could lie about it...* "I mean, I'm just assuming here, but for sure he's the main provider in the household and I know he's been giving her all sort of expensive gifts and stuff now that they live together but that's not my problem and I don't care. I didn't even know about these college fund until yesterday so whatever happens between these two honestly is their business as long as my grandparents or my sibling are not affected he might as well buy her a diamond necklace with it." *Your grandparents are great, but should have protected you from your mother better:* "it was hard for them and I assure you at every possible turn they have taken my side and have scolded my mother for her treatment towards me and taken measures about it even forcing her to go to therapy and they made it really clear to me, explicitly, that I was like a son to them and they wouldn't choose her daughter over me, especially after seeing how she treated me, but it's hard for them because they love her" *Child support payments:* "The monthly child support went and still goes to my grandparents, is the college fund that only she knew about but that money my father said only he has control over but I didn't know it existed and I'm not particularly worried about it, I've never considered my father as a provider and I've been making plans about my future in my head without this money always and it's nice to know I have this now but if it weren't here I would find my way." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16s2hi3/update_ii_aitah_for_telling_my_parents_they_were/) **2: September 25, 2023 (next day)** So, a lot of you warned me about the shit hitting the fan, sort to speak, when my bio mother talked with my dad and today that's exactly what happened. My father sent my a text early in the morning warning me about the fact that he was going to confront my mother and that he didn't want anything to splash to me and reassured me that he believed me completely and I braced myself because I expected for her to call me berating me or something. I truly don't care about what she thinks but these past few days have been emotional draining and I wasn't sure if I was ready for another full blown out confrontation. Using Reddit to vent has been helpful tho. After a few ours my mother pulled into our house and let herself in screaming like mad and calling me every name in the book saying I had "ruined her relationship" and asking me "why had I been blabbing about private matters that don't concern anybody". I said that my childhood matters to me and my father who is also going to be the future father of her child and that her actions ruined her relationship. She called me an asshole and said I was the biggest fucking mistake she's ever done in her life (I didn't know she could still hurt me but that was a low blow) and I said that I would do anything in my power to take her baby away from her because she was a monster of a mother. We were screaming at this point and my grandparents, who were in the backyard, must've heard us, and entered the room and separated us and heard part of the fight. I was fighting tears and my grandma walked me upstairs to my room as my grandpa screamed to my mother how dared speak to me that way. My grandma soothed me a little and then went to confront my mother with my grandpa. I heard from the door how they ripped my mother a new one. They confronted her for telling me the things that she did, for treating me like garbage all my life and for lying to my father. They told her how disappointed they were in her for always treating me with disgust and how many excuses they made for her thinking she was a child trying to raise a child but she was now an adult and her behavior continued the same and they said they were on the path of disinheriting her. My mother was screaming about how hard it had been for her and how much she hurt but my grandparents were having none of that; They raised me and she was allowed to have the life she wanted and to take all the decisions she wanted without repercussions ever and I even heard them say that if there was any custody battle ensued over the baby to come they would take the fathers side unless she radically changed everything about her behavior. They went outside for a while so I don't know what they said but eventually they came into my room and my grandparents looked extremely serious and my mother was red and crying and apologized to me through gritted teeth. I didn't respond but my grandparents said on her behalf that she was going to start therapy immediately and she was no longer welcome in the house. I called my father after the debacle and he was furious. He talked to my mother before going to a work meeting thing or something and he confronted her about everything. Apparently it was nasty but he was willing to work on the relationship for the good of the baby on the condition that my mother would also be working on improving her relationship with me so that whenever I visited them I wouldn't feel uncomfortable. After he left he made her promise she wouldn't contact me until they talked again but there's my mother for you folks. I asked him to think on what's better for himself and for the baby and to not hold today against my mother if he doesn't want to. Also, a thing that has come up a lot in the comments of my previous posts is that my progenitors only want me as a babysitter and that I should steer away from them and baby from my own sake but I want to make a point about that. I can't say nothing about their intentions, I know nothing about that, but I am really very excited to have a sibling. Growing up I had a very small family, it was just my grandparents and me. On my paternal side I had a huge family with aunts, uncles and cousins but whenever I went there I always felt like the odd one out. They tried to include me and invited me for Easter,Christmas, bbqs and stuff but I didn't really know them and although they were nice I always felt like I had a big sign on my head that said "that kid John had in high school". I can't wait to have a sibling and love them and always be there for them and show them what a family is. I want to be that person they can always rely on for them and I want feel that bond with someone so even if I have my misgivings about my parents (and I do, a lot) I do not about being a big brother. I hope this is the last update and there is no more family drama in the future. Thank you all for all your help. Having this site to air out my frustrations and having a community to back me up and give me feedback has been amazing and you truly have helped me out a lot to deal with all of this so really thank you so much.

AITAH For telling my parents they were horrible and saying they shouldn't have more kids?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16xmkwt/aitah_for_telling_my_parents_they_were_horrible/

16y38n2

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Late-Satisfaction228 **in** r/AmItheAsshole trigger warnings: >!mention of parent death, potential financial abuse, possible PPD!< mood spoilers: >!sad!<   [**AITA for refusing to help my step daughter with her baby?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16r25ml/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_step_daughter_with/) **- 24th September 2023** I (F38) married my husband Sam (M47) five years ago. Sam always knew I did not want to have children of my own. He was fine with it. He has a daughter Leah (F25). His wife died when Leah was 10 years old and I met him when she was 15. I didn't meet her till after a year of dating. She was a sweet young adult and we got along great. I did not move in with Sam till Leah left for college though. Leah got pregnant last year. Her boyfriend did not want to keep the baby but she wanted to keep it. He broke up with her. Leah moved back in with us cause she could not afford her lifestyle without him. She worked as a teacher and he was the bread winner. I had concerns about how she was going to raise a child on a teacher's salary by herself. I suggested getting him to pay child support. She did not want that. Sam thought I should stay out of it. Fine. But once she had the baby around 4 months back, Leah seemed to realise having a baby is not the sunshine and rainbows she thought it was. She barely got any sleep during the last four months. All the while Sam was helping her with the baby while I did almost all chores myself. Now her leave is ending. She did not want to leave baby at daycare or with a nanny. Sam and I both work as well. She asked if I could stay home with the baby. I said no. First, it is not my baby, and I never wanted to raise a child. Second, I have work. She asked Sam who asked me to do it instead. I refused stating the reasons again. Sam couldn't stay home because he earned more than me and covered more bills. I asked why Leah can't stay home with the baby herself. She said how she was young and had to build a career. I said many people take breaks to raise kids, and she broke down crying about how she was so tired all the time being a mom and she needed something else in her life too. Sam feels bad for her and thinks we should help her. I suggested she pay for nanny with her income but Leah doesn't want strangers looking after her baby. Both of them are pressuring me to stay home with baby so she can go to work. I am standing firm on my decision. Leah said yesterday how she wished her mom was alive since she would have had her back. She said I didn't love her and my husband is also mad at me. AITA for refusing to help my stepdaughter with her baby?   **Judgement - NTA** **Comments** *NTA. This is Leah's baby, that she alone chose to have. That doesn't obligate you to change YOUR life to suit her desires. The whole business of saying you don't love her because you won't quit your job to watch her baby is so manipulative and messed up and i'm shocked your husband is siding with her.* *If I were you i'd sit down privately with husband and remind him that Leah is the one that chose to have this baby and she is solely responsible for it; that you never signed up to be a full time babysitter and it's unreasonable to expect you to quit your job and that you're disappointed and hurt that he is not understanding of that.* &#x200B; *NTA. Leah needs to put her baby daddy on child support and take off the rose colored glasses. She chose to have a child by a deadbeat. Why would you stay home to raise her child? She’s getting more than enough help as is.* >Her mom was a SAHP. Maybe thats why. *So in her mind, if you were her real mom and a SAHP you would be raising this baby she chose to have?* >I guess so. &#x200B; **On a downvoted YTA comment OOP also replies** *Im going to go against the grain and say YTA (kind of). Too many people here on Reddit are selfish and childless and don't seem to realize raising a kid on one's own is extremely hard. You've definitely had years to see this kind of situation coming, and seems you kinda stuck your head in the sand hoping it wouldn't happen. In the end, it takes a village to raise a kid, and like it or not you're a major part of this family now and you need to help out. Sure, it's not your responsibility to quit your job and take over predominant child-rearing responsibility, but you certainly should help out and you should feel a little bad for trying to avoid it at all costs* >I would think otherwise. People are not childless, they are child free. They CHOOSE to not have children. They REALISE how hard raising a child is and don't want to take that task. &#x200B; >It is self serving. But I doubt people who are having children are doing that for selfless reasons. Unless a person is adopting a child to provide for the child, people having children are having them out of their own SELFISH DESIRE to have children. &#x200B; >Its two sides of a coin. Choosing to have a child is a choice the parents make. No one else made that choice. Parents need a village. But no one else is obligated to provide the village. Choosing to be each other's village is good. But forcing people who CHOSE to not have children because they REALISED how hard it is to help raise YOUR child that YOU CHOSE to have is more selfish. &#x200B; *If "that's her home too" then she's effectively stepdaughters mom, too. And any mom that turns to run from her daughter during her time of greatest need is a deadbeat fucking mom. If "She is family" than she should be a contributing part of the family and help raise the new addition to said family. That isn't what OP's doing though...* >You are right. I was not physically caring for the baby. You know what I was doing? Every single chore in the house including cooking for them, cleaning after them and their laundry. After working entire days and splitting almost all bills. I did not pay for baby items or furniture. But I was splitting bills for groceries, electricity and water. The stuff they both, Leah and her baby used and Leah did not pay anything towards. &#x200B; >I have bought numerous clothes and toy sets for baby. I didn't add it in baby cost because I consider that gifts. &#x200B; >Help comes in many forms. Her meals that she did not have to cook, laundry she had done, cleaning up and grocery shopping she never had to worry about was all help that I gave. I wouldn't have pointed it out except for this comment. &#x200B; >I never had a mom daughter relationship with her. I am just 13 years older than her, never been a mom or parent myself. Chose not to. We were friends. She never treated me like a parent either. And as part of her family I helped out in any and all ways that I can. Until they demanded I sacrifice my life and career for them. > >So if you think that equals a deadbeat stepmom, no one can correct you. &#x200B; [**Update : AITA for refusing to help my step daughter with her baby?**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Late-Satisfaction228/comments/16s0uvc/update_aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_step_daughter/) **- 25th September 2023** First of all, thankyou for your support. I needed it more than I realised. Your replies, advices and suggestions gave me a lot to think about. I was taking this situation independently and not really seeing the whole picture. I had some tough conversations with my husband and step daughter. I showed my husband the post and replies. He was upset I posted about this in social media but I convinced him it's anonymous and we would not have any ramifications. The sad truth is, even with overwhelming number of NTAs he refused to see the point. He accepts I have always been true about my boundaries. But he still needs me to step up and help out more. Be more understanding. I realised the fact is he sees his daughter as his babygirl and me as the adult in this situation. So he needs me to act like an adult and support the child. I tried to make him realise she is not a child, she made her own decisions and she needs to be an adult. He says I won't get how a parent would feel and he needs to be there for her. I realised his long term plan is to keep supporting her as long as he can and she wants it. To be frank, I sort of respect his stand. A father wanting to be there for his daughter and wanting to live for her is admirable. But that is not the life I envisioned. Loving grandmother that babysit occasionally? Sure. But raising Leah AND her baby? Nope. Before we decided on anything extreme we had a talk with Leah as well. To know what her plans are. We revisited the topic of Child Support and this time her dad was adamant to know why. Your replies made him concerned, I think. Well apparently the reason is Leah is still in love with him. She is scared pushing a court case and responsibility on him, on a decision she made will scare him away. She is still holding on to hope he will come back. We don't think she is being realistic. But have decided to table that talk for later since Sam is anyway ready to fund the baby's life. And child support can be demanded with back pay when she decides to follow up. We offered her multiple solutions. Such has lesser work hours, career change, nanny, daycare. She did not accept any offer. She loves the school she works at and does not want to leave it. She claims reducing hours will impact her career trajectory and since she wants to work, she might as well work full time. She does not want to leave baby with strangers (nanny/daycare) and is refusing to hear it. She wants her baby to grow up with family feeling loved and she can't be at peace unless she knows one of us is with the baby. Sam is refusing to cut down hours himself since he can't afford bills himself. Let me clarify. He had refinanced this house to pay for her college education, did not want her to have any loans. I had suggested we downsize from this three bedroom house to a one bedroom one, we can both afford. He wanted to have space for his daughter. I understood that but I couldn't afford to pay for it. We came to a understanding I wouldn't pay for it and won't have any rights to the house either. That is his biggest payment. We split rest of expense proportionate to our income till Leah moved back in. She doesn't help financially. I contributed to normal day to day expenses but all baby related expenses are being met by Sam. If Sam stops working or reduce hours, he won't be able to do all these. I would take up being bread winner but we would have to downsize and Leah would at least have to cover all baby related expenses herself. Neither of them wants that. The conclusion of all discussions were the same. They needed me to stay home with baby. Sam wouldn't be putting anything to my savings or retirement funds cause he won't have funds for that. He also thinks it isn't necessary since I can just go back to work when baby starts school. Long story short, I left. Packed all my clothes and stuff, out everything I have heard in my car and is now crashing at a friend's home. I don't have any rights to the house or own any furniture there so leaving was easy. I have booked an appointment with my lawyer. I think this is the best decision I can take for myself. Both Sam and Leah called me selfish AH for leaving. I guess it will have to be this way.   **Comments** *So sorry this is ending this way for you, but you are not being the selfish one here on any terms. Your husband should've put your name on the house regardless of your ability to pay for it; when you become a couple everything becomes (ours) and not just (his), even if he is the bread winner.* *So either way, you were going to end up out and without anything in the end. Too me that says that the love he supposedly had for you was superficial and he didn't think of you or your needs in anything. Couples are supposed to look out for each others needs and take care of each other unto death.* *This means what's mine is yours and what's your is mine. Sadly, you probably made the best choice you could've made, and I'm sorry that your husband wasn't more understanding of your needs as he is his daughters.* *Unfortunately your husband is obviously easily manipulated by his daughter and refuses to see that she is an adult and should have the common sense to look after herself. This will not bode well for the daughter down the road, as she will have no abilities to be responsible for herself or her child once her father passes, and only God knows when that will be, hopefully not for a very long time, but one never knows. I wish you all the best* &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITA for refusing to help my step daughter with her baby?

CONCLUDED

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16y38n2/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_step_daughter_with/

16y49vb

**I am not the OP.** **Originally posted by** u/can-i-please-stay **in** r/TrueOffMyChest **and** r/tifu **and her own user account.** Trigger Warning: >!chronic illness, difficult pregnancy, sex, bodily fluids after sex, early labor, extremely traumatic (almost fatal) child birth!< Mood Spoiler: >!It’s Definitely A Happy Ending!< **Original BoRU is** [**here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/116oz9l/my_husband_regrets_getting_me_pregnant/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) **posted by** u/KittenDealinMama **Thanks to** u/MrSlabBulkhead **for finding the update.** *Updated to the new format and added in some comments, Reveddit also showed the date of the updates in the same post.* **New Updates start from 13th April 2023** &#x200B; [**My husband regrets getting me pregnant**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/10us6yj/my_husband_regrets_getting_me_pregnant/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **- 5th February 2023** My husband of 7 years and I are expecting a baby but he's lost almost all excitement and it's breaking my heart. He's always wanted to be a daddy from the day we started dating but I have a long term chronic illness so we made sure this little baby was very planned and we had everything set up to help me face the challenges that come with a harder pregnancy. At first he was so excited, falling asleep with his hand on my tummy and just genuinely over the moon but then I started to get sick. All that love and excitement turned to fear and he blames himself. I keep trying to tell him that I knew all of this could happen before we started trying and I made the choice to go through with this. He keeps saying " if it's you or the baby I'm saving you I can't live without you" and "you could of happily lived your life with a pack of dogs and me, this is my fault" and it just breaks my heart. He said "pregnancy is meant to be a magical experience and this is anything but magic" he's already planned to get a vasectomy and doesn't want another baby or to try again if this one doesn't make it. I know it hasn't been easy on him watching me get everything that could go wrong in a pregnancy go wrong for me and I know he feels helpless but I'm scared he's resenting our baby for putting me through this. I wish there was some way I could reassure him and get his excitement back. All I can do is let him help me in any way that makes him feel like he has some control in a situation where no one can control what's going to happen next. I wish I wasn't sick but that's just part of who I am and he unfortunately fell inlove with the sick girl. We're each other's whole world and I hate that I can't give him the magical experience he wanted. I wish I was magic. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. &#x200B; **Update in the same post - 7th February 2023** So I had a chat with my husband like a lot of you suggested and I think we both feel a little bit better. He told me how excited he is and that he loves our little baby already so much it's just hard for him to see the love of his life struggle. He believes once baby and I are in the all clear and I'm making a full recovery all that fear and anxiety will go away. He apologised for worrying me because he's worried about me and explained it's just hard because he sees me at my most vulnerable when it's to much and I cant hide how hard it is. I explained to him how even very healthy people can have a lot of problems during pregnancy and that my body us doing far better than we expected. Our medical team is really happy with where I am and how we are coping and that I understand it's the unknown that's causing the anxiety. He seems a lot lighter now and we've really gotten to the root of his worries. Hopefully I can carry our little one full term (another 8 - 10 weeks) but if the worst happened (I had a big flare up that triggers early labour) baby is at 30 weeks and has a large medical team ready for them at any given moment so the odds are very in babies favour. I did just want to address a few questions people have had to put your mind at ease. My condition isn't genetic so baby is perfectly healthy and we get scans and testing done to monitor him and me to make sure he's still happy swimming around in there. We have spoken to 3 specialist and done years of research before considering all options. One specialist suggested the hormones your body creates while pregnant could possibly reprogram my neural pathways and help my condition (its a very slim chance) so we chose to try once before going down the adoption route. My husband is very serious about the vasectomy and I respect his choice and we've decided if we want another child down the line we will either adopt or open our home to foster care. I'm pretty sure that's all I've got for now I've been requested to update when baby comes along and let you know how I do! Keep all the positive thoughts for me I know ive definitely planned for the worst but expecting the best! Thank you for all chatting to me and sharing your stories it genuinely helped to see we weren't alone in feeling this and that others have made it through. I value your input so much &#x200B; **Comments** *((HUGS)) Tell him you love him and can't wait to have his baby. I think he may feel bad/guilty for you feeling sick and having issues.* >I tell him this every day! I'm gently trying to support him through this. He's always so good at being my rock when I get flare ups or end up in hospital so I think it's only fair I be there for him. I know he's scared he'll loose us both and I'm hoping when we come out the other side with a little baby all his anxiety fades and he allows himself to feel excited again. *Can one of your Drs help talk to him?* >I asked him if he would like to talk to some one and he just said "nothing to talk about, we aren't doing this again and we're doing everything we can to make it through. We've got this" I'm his emotional support and the only person he's let in or been vulnerable with. So I've just got to step up and be there for him and let him know he's doing a great job. I might need to talk to some one though. It's hard when your body fights you and fails you &#x200B; [**TIFU by making love to my husband**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/110t5ku/tifu_by_making_love_to_my_husband/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **- 12th February 2023** I'm currently 31 weeks pregnant and my husband has been to scared to have sex with me. I'm high risk so he sees me as completely fragile and hasn't had sex with me for weeks. Pregnancy hormones have made me twirly so we have done other things but I really missed the connection and intimacy of sex. We have such a good sex life and so in a fit of pregnancy hormones I started crying asking him to touch me. Now this man would bend over backward to make me happy and make me happy he did. After my first climax he layed back ready to complete himself. Now this is where I might of Fucked up. I climbed on top and it was good, like really good! Until the gush. I didn't think much about it at the time and went to sleep. It wasn't until 4am when I was still very wet that I thought oh no i might of Fd up. So now I'm sitting here waiting to be tested to see if sex with my husband was just REALLY good or if he broke my waters. If the test comes back negative he will never find out I was worried or he'll won't touch me again until the baby arrives. Im definitely going to be more careful and not get carried away on his magic ride. TL ; DR convinced my husband to have sex with me 31 weeks pregnant don't know if he blew my mind or broke my waters **Update in the same post - 13th February 2023** Just got back from the hospital, had all the testing and lots of cheeky smiles from the nurses. Turns out he's just that good folks! The cup and a half full of liquid that had me worried and my bed soaked was all him and pregnancy hormones. He's definitely more freaked than the doctors were and he has me on a strict on my side with plenty of support if we get intimate again. though the doctors say everything is fine and sex shouldn't be a problem for us with my condition. They reassured me I did the right thing coming in and that if any more cough gushing were to happen definitely come back and get checked again. I'm minutes away from my hospital so no one worry! I'm well looked after and my baby is super happy and healthy. **TL;DR** *Husbands just a legend and my waters didn't break.* **Comments** *Not gonna lie, I giggled like a 12 year old at the TLDR. I hope you are ok, OP along with the baby. But like most, I need a damn update.* >Haha definitely just blew my mind he's going to be walking tall for the next week on this high note &#x200B; *If my wife knew English a bit better i would think youre her. Similar situation happened few weeks ago, she gets on top finishes, than it happened. She starts to pee uncontrolably, im laughing, she is crying and not stopping. Than it happened, bloop i was 100% sure i felt poop hitting my balls but it was only liquid. She is crying even harder. Im comforting her and let me tell you once you think you got shit on, beeing covered in pee doesnt feel that bad at all.* >Hahahaha I pee before sex so we both knew it wasn't that and there was Definitely no bloop!!! nice big wet patch and a smug smirking husband though. Pregnancy is so weird glad everything's ok though &#x200B; **New Update Starts Here** [**Baby update Final**](https://www.reddit.com/user/can-i-please-stay/comments/12kex9i/baby_update_final/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) **- 13th April 2023** My little one is perfect but I almost died and then had to endure the worst pain I've ever felt in my life which surprisingly wasn't the child birth. We had several ultra sounds and my medical team determined for both our sakes it was time to get our little guy out. I went in for my induction on Sunday where they placed the balloon inside me. Worst balloon ever! My chronic illness was flared and I could only stand the thing for a few hours before I was screaming in pain buckled over, I couldn't let anyone near me to examine my cervix without my body starting to show signs of shock. They removed the balloon and decided before any internal examinations I'd have to have the epidural installed. I took that spin needle like a champ! 6 times they had to try place it for the right spot and I sat still for over 45 minutes while they installed this wonderful little pain blocker. They broke my waters at 8am and then started my labour. The birth it's self was amazing, I've never felt more powerful and incontrol in my life. The pain was bare able and I'm no stranger to breathing through the unbearable. He came out naturally and was placed on my chest, it was like the whole world got wrapped about that moment. It was just him and us, my little family. &#x200B; **Editor's Note -** *The following section gets intense so you may want to skip the next 8 paragraphs* &#x200B; Then I felt it, I reached for the gas and started breathing through the placenta but the look in my husbands eyes said it all. 8 minutes, I had 8 minutes with my beautiful son before they pulled him off me. They couldn't stop the bleeding, a button was pressed and the room filled with people. I had the head surgeon mount my bed. She pressed down on my stomach and used herself as a plug to try stop the blood. My husband said he'd never seen me become more serious, I locked eyes with him and told him "skin on skin, look after him, don't let him out of your site. I love you" and then I was being wheeled out. The surgeon saying "we might have to remove your uterus but we'll save your life" They took me to an elevator that opened straight into the operating room. The surgeon refused to get out of me even as they slid both of us from the bed to the table. 6 medical staff pinned my arms and legs all trying to place a line. It was something out of a nightmare, my body bucked with every push to my stomach and all I could think was "if I die because I have shitty hard vains to find I'm going to be so pissed" I understood why she refused to remove her self because the moment she did I felt the table around me flood. I closed my eyes and I was out. Meanwhile my husband was left with our minutes old baby in the same room I'd just left staring at the piles on blood. The midwife dimmed the lights and left him there alone. She tried to mop up the site but id trailed blood all through the corridors and elevator. She got him a room and he had to do all the things we were going to do alone. It was several hours before he was told I'm waking up and coming back to the birthing suit for more care. He said he heard me before he saw me and his heart broke. I woke up with a nurse I didn't know and asked for water, she kept refusing to give me anything but these small tubes. When she got sick of me asking she gave me water and a drunk like it would save my life. I've never been that thirsty before. My pain was beginning to become unbearable. I started begging her for help. She offered panadol and when I informed her that my epidural should have been restarted before I was woken up she argued with me that that's not how they normally do things. 2 surgeons came over to assess me and I literally begged. I begged them to help me, my pain was getting past a point I could control. They informed me they had to put in a different type of balloon to stop the bleeding and filled me with gaus. They agreed to give me a temporary top up of pain relief then do hand over. That nurse wheeled me to the room and started hand over (which means neither of them can help me until everyone is debriefed) You probably guessed it, the pain medication wore off. My pain was a 15 out of 10, I'd of given birth to my son 10 times again if I never felt that pain again. I begged them to help me, I screamed for them to end my life, to rip it out, to kill me. Anything to make the pain stop. I was trapped in my mind, it felt like I was being held under water, thrashed around by the waves not knowing which way was up. It was dark and I couldn't focus, I was completely lost inside my own mind trying to find a way away from the pain. Then I heard it "You're scaring him, you have to calm down" I have never seen my husband before that moment, his face was so clear it was incredible. So vivid, later he told me he could see it, he saw me return. He'd been right there trying to reach me telling me they were bringing me pain relief I just had to hold on but nothing was getting through. He repeated "your scaring (our sons name) please baby, please" and suddenly I could hear. I whipped my head around so fast and pin pointed his little bassinet and his blood curdling scream. I shut up, I shut up so quickly and focused on his little cries harder then I'd ever focused on anything. I quietly mumbled my pleas for help and my husband held my hand. The surgeons agreed to restart my epidural and I slumped. I'd lost most of my blood and had to get transfusions, I was in hospital for over a week 80 percent of that I was paralysed for. I had machines on my legs constantly moving the blood around for me, we removed 18 stickers from where they tried to get lines in for my bloods and fluids. I'm black and blue still from everything and I haven't been able to feed my own baby because of how much blood I lost. All that happened to us but I can tell you I've never felt more love than I do for that perfect little person I made. He's healthy and happy and just the calmest little baby anyone's ever met. I'd go through he'll for him and I'd do it woth a smile. He's already taught me how strong I can be fore him. He was able to find me when I was lost thrashing trying and failing to find a way from my own pain. My husbands traumatised and we are both seeking therapy to work through the entire experience but he's such a good dad. Oh my gosh he's so amazing and truly we catch each other just staring at the other all the time. He says I was born to be a mother and I did such a good job. I think he's waited his whole life to be a dad and he's finally his full self. We will only be doing this the once for obvious reasons but I'm so glad I chose to do it with him. I got home a few days ago and I'm bouncing back really well. Still a long way to go but I have so much love and support that I'm not afraid any more. We've got this. So from my little family to you, thank you for caring and supporting us. Thank you for messaging me through my pregnancy with well wishes and know we are all here safe, loved and happy. TLDR: birth is scary, motherly instincts can pull you from the darkest places and Baby, mum and dad are all home safe and well. &#x200B; **Comments** *My god, I’m so sorry you had to go through that tough of a delivery and recovery! Thankfully you got through it. Reading this, I gotta say that you might not believe you are, but trust me: you are astoundingly tough. I hope the recovery goes well.* *I also have to say, your husband sounds absolutely amazing! I’m certain both of you will be great parents and your love towards one another will be something everyone else hopes and dreams of. Congratulations on the beautiful baby, and the best of luck to your future as a family!* >Thank you so much I never knew the strength I had locked inside until this little one came along *My wife’s an L&D nurse and she always says to her patients that they are stronger than they realize. You are no exception to this.* &#x200B; **I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

[Final Update] - My husband regrets getting me pregnant

NEW UPDATE

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16y49vb/final_update_my_husband_regrets_getting_me/

16yhyd1

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Glittering-Sea-4908](https://www.reddit.com/user/Glittering-Sea-4908/). He posted in r/offmychest Please remember the no brigading rule and do not comment on OOP's original posts OR dm him. **Trigger Warning:** >!pancreatic cancer!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!sad- seriously very sad!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/16n26qg/should_i_tell_my_gf_im_dying_before_i_break_up/)**: September 19, 2023** Basically as title says. I (25m) found out I have an illness that will kill me. It’ll take over my body and there’s no cure. All the doctors can really do is prescribe shit to make you “comfortable” I’ve been with my girlfriend for 3 years now and she’s the absolute love of my life. Always loyal and there for me. I’ve been in and out of hospital many times over the course of our relationship. Mostly due to me racing dirt bikes, the most serious incident was a stab wound and I remember how scared and screamy she got even though I just needed stitches and got to go home the next day. This is not something where I can just go home the next day. I’m breaking up with her because she deserves to be happy with someone healthy who can give her the life she wants, and children. I’m scared she’ll want to stay if I tell her what’s going on. Part of me wants to lie and say I cheated so she hates me and leaves. We have lots of mutual friends she’ll find out eventually it was a lie and connect the dots on why I did it. But thinking about her crying from that lie breaks my heart. I don’t even know if this is the right sub to post it on. I just don’t know what to do. Break up with her and tell her it’s for her own good? Lie? Guess I also needed to vent because it just hit me this morning. I found out last week but it just hit. I won’t see 30. Edit: For people asking me what my diagnosis and prognosis is. It’s pancreatic cancer, something like 95% of people diagnosed with it die in about 3 years. I wasn’t even paying attention for not putting that in the post at the beginning, that’s my bad but as you can tell I’m a little overwhelmed these days. Reading this replies there’s no way I can reply to them all so I will do my best to do it here. First off, thank you to those saying kind things. Second, I realize how dumb I was being for wanting to lie to her. I made reservations at her favourite restaurant and I’ll tell her afterwards. Part of me hopes she doesn’t stay but we’ll see what she chooses. ***Relevant Comments:*** *OOP's thoughts:* "I’m more scared of her staying rather than leaving. I stayed by my friends side even having to make the decision to unplug him. It’s not a pretty sight watching someone you love deteriorate. I’d prefer her to leave but we’ll see what happens after dinner" *Do you regret your decision to stay by his side?* "I don’t regret it. But I’m not like her. She’s similar to my friends mom. Cried everyday and couldn’t even visit him after the third month. It sucks but it’s true, some people can’t handle hospitals and there’s nothing wrong with that" *Do you have someone to make medical decisions for you?* "I have a Health Care directive in place already. I don’t want anyone to be burdened with those decisions. I know how stressful it can be" *Proposing:* "I’ve thought about marrying her ever since I saw her. It’s cliche and cheesy but I immediately fell in love with her eyes. However, after getting this diagnosis I don’t want to marry her. I can’t let her be a widow this young. I’m already on the hunt for a ring which she’ll receive with a note and a gift from me after I’m done. I don’t want to marry her anymore but she’ll know she’s my one and only forever. Sorry for being cheesy or corny but at this point idc about any of that. I’m dying lol" *Symptoms (for those of you who might want to get tested:)* "Went to the doctors for a checkup because I was losing a weight despite my history of gaining/maintaining my weight. I work out 6 days a week and while I’m no pro athlete I’m by no means out of shape. Doctor blamed it on stress from work (which is true my job is stressful) and said I can follow up with a specialist if I want medication for the stress. Went on with my life best I could but kept losing weight and everyone got worried. Went back to the doctors and they ordered blood work. Got the results which obviously were not good and got sent to a specialist. While everyone thought the stressful job was the true reason, I was getting tested and scanned at the hospital where they (and I) realized I have slight jaundice. They then asked what my crap was like and I thought abt it and told them. Apparently your poop tells you a lot more than just general health. Tests and scans showed I have a growth. Blah blah blah you’re now caught up to where I was told I have cancer and now we’re here." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/16ro3zr/update_i_told_my_girlfriend_im_dying/)**: September 25, 2023 (6 days later)** Title: UPDATE: I told my girlfriend I’m dying Took her to dinner at our favourite date spot, had some amazing food and some drinks like always. The date continued like normal we drove down to the beach and started walking till we got to our spot. She spoke first and said that she could tell there’s something I want to say because I have “that look” on my face. She then made a joke about how it’s too soon for us to get engaged so if there’s a ring in my pocket it better say there. This made it so much harder, she thought there was a ring in my pocket when I’m about to tell her there never will be. Absolutely broke my heart. I told her she’s right there’s something I want to say, and I told her everything. From how I found out to what the diagnosis means to the prognosis. I made sure to not sugar coat it or leave anything out. She deserved to know everything. For the next hour it was a mixture of asking me if I’m sure and how could this be possible and crying. She immediately said she’s going to stay by me and I don’t need to worry about anything. I told her she needs to take a few days to think about it. I had already arranged for her best friend to be waiting in the other parking lot to take her to her house. I went home alone. Before anyone calls me names for not driving her home, I didn’t want her to be alone after finding out but I also didn’t want her to see my cry. If she saw me tonight she’d get more scared. It would hit her that I’m terrified and she’d lose her shit. I got an update that she fell asleep because she cried so much. I sent an Uber eats of her favourite dessert to her friends house so it’ll be there when she wakes up. As soon as I’m done typing this I’m meeting up with my 3 closest friends to hangout. I’ve known two of them for 20 years and the other one for 18. Were very close and share too many TMI details. If anyone has suggestions on how to break the news of this to them I’d greatly appreciate it. In the meantime I’ll be drinking for two; me and this bast\*\*d cancer 🥃🥃 **EDIT: Same Post, Next Day** Thank you for the kind words. Couple things to add 1. I’m in Canada so I have free healthcare I’m not worried about the cost of fighting this 2. I still haven’t seen my girl as she’s still at her friends house. She’ll text me to ask how I’m feeling and gets mad when I say I’m fine or make a joke. 3. TELLING OTHERS Couple things you need to know about my friends. Two of them are in medical school and the other in law school. They’re still idiots though. I started off by asking one of them to make a cancer joke, ending it quickly with “too soon man too soon” and that’s how my best friends found out I have cancer. Medical school friends started telling me about new drugs and treatments while my law school buddy demanded to see my medical directives form and that’s also how they found out I’ve been an organ donor for years Parents: Still don’t know Sister: Can’t even pretend to have a clue on how to tell her, I still see her as my baby sister so it’s tough lol Boss: Asked for a one on one this morning and told him my diagnosis. He said he’ll help me abuse the companies benefits as much as I want. I told him all I really want is to show up to work like nothings wrong and no one find out until I pass out at work. He agreed My daily is a 2022 R1 (blue crotch rocket for you non-motorcycle folks). I love that bike and have been asked if I’ll stop riding due to this. Short answer is hell no. I’ve known I had something bad inside of me way before getting cancer, life goes on and so will I. I’ll do my absolute best to keep y’all updated if you’d like. Thanks ***Relevant Comments:*** *About the 'stab' wound he had in the first post:* "Motorcycle accidents happened on track or trails. Getting stabbed was a Tuesday night in the UK lol" *The ones he's told:* "So far I’ve told four people and given them all the choice to walk away with the good memories we’ve had. 3 friends told me to F off and that I can’t get rid of them. Waiting on my girl now lol" ***OOP has indicated he wants to give a further update.***

Should I tell my gf I’m dying before I break up with her

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16yhyd1/should_i_tell_my_gf_im_dying_before_i_break_up/

16yhyfe

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Throwra456723 **I threw a low blow at my wife, and now she's barely talking to me. Please help!** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!emotional and verbal abuse!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/D7FAEsRWY9)  **March 23, 2022** My(29m) wife "Ali" (27f) and I have been together for 6 years and married for 3. We met in college, and at first, my mom (who was always a sahm) was worried that my wife wouldn't make a good housewife. However, as the years went on, she saw how my Ali and I made a beautiful partnership. She saw how we supported each other through college/grad school, job hunting, financial issues, health problems, and more. She saw how I would pick up the slack when Ali was busy and how Ali did the same for me. We also split our chores at home. My mom now absolutely adores her. Since I only have brothers, and I'm the only married one, she thinks of her as the daughter she never had. Now on to the issue. This past Monday, I was just having a terrible day. Those where everything goes wrong. I got a flat tire on my way to work, was late to work, my boss yelled at me, I dropped my lunch, and left my wallet at home. It was just an awful day. I got home and was starving. Ali was cooking dinner. She seemed to have been anxious because when she is, she starts talking a lot and really fast, which I normally find sweet and endearing but not that day. So she starts going on and on about her day. I just wanted her to get done with dinner. So, out of nowhere, I just yelled. "Do you ever just shut up? Boy, was Mom ever right!" She asks right about what. Instead of keeping my mouth shut, I tell her about my mom's concerns about her not making a good housewife. Her eyes welled up with tears, and she stopped talking, finished cooking dinner, and went straight to the shower and then bed. Now, she wakes up before me and leaves breakfast and lunch ready, comes home and leaves dinner ready, and goes straight to shower and bed. She doesn't want to talk or watch TV or anything. If I ask or say anything, she gives me one - or two word responses. She doesn't even look angry at me, just defeated. I don't know how to fix this. I feel like flowers and chocolates won't cut it here. Plus, I don't even know why I said that because my mom doesn't even have those concerns anymore. Please help! [Update](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/XgQqr1aQDK)  **Apr 1, 2022** I'm not sure how to link my previous post, but it is still on my profile. I first want to clarify/answer some questions from the first post. Pregnancy- Ali is not pregnant. Before getting married, we decided to wait until our careers were established for two years before we started trying for a baby. That would be next year. We are both very careful. Plus, I asked, and she said she wasn't. Her doing all the chores- She does not do all the chores. Before we moved in together, we made a list of all the chores that needed to be done. Then we flipped a coin and chose the chore we wanted, then we alternated on choosing the rest of them. She chose the first one which was cooking. She cooks, and I clean the kitchen. She grocery shops, and I put the groceries away and so on. So, even with the fight, she kept doing her chores, and I kept doing mine. Although I would fully understand if she stopped doing them altogether. Me apologizing- I did try to apologize multiple times, but she said she didn't want to hear it. I just wanted to give her space but should've tried harder. I read every single comment and private message; it was hard, but I asked for advice. I 1000% got what I deserved. Now, onto what I've done to begin fixing this mess I've made. • As some of you suggested, I wrote a heartfelt letter explaining myself and sincerely apologizing and begging her to speak to me whenever she felt comfortable. • She said she would go to the guest room, and I said no that I would go there because this fight was entirely my fault and would only return if/when she allowed me/felt comfortable. • I called my mom and let her know what I did. She rightfully tore me a new one. Then came by the next day with some gifts for Ali. She apologized for ever feeling that way and assured her that she didn't feel that way now. That she truly loves her like a daughter. They spoke more, but I wasn't privy to that conversation. • As some of you suggested, I made an appointment with a counselor so I can learn how to properly deal with my anger and not lash out at innocent people. On Reddit's suggestion as well, I printed out a list of marriage counselors in the area who accept our health insurance. I gave her the list and said that if she's willing to go with me, all she has to do is choose a name, and I'll do all the leg work. She said she's willing to go, and she chose a name. She works in the mental health field and chose someone who is reputable in our area. She already sees her own therapist and is working through this with her, I assume. -I was able to talk to her, and she said she was really hurt by what I said. That she was questioning what my family (especially my mom) and what I thought of her as a wife and a person. Like all the memories with my family are tainted now. Were they pretending? Was it just my mom? What are they saying behind her back during special occasions? If we have kids, will they think she's a bad mom, too? When my mom helps her with something, is it to be nice or because she thinks she's not capable? That she was angry, I didn't trust her with those concerns earlier in the relationship, so she could either address them with my mom or even see what I thought as well because she might have made a different choice about marrying into a family that had doubts about her. -She also said that she was already anxious about a hard day at work (she works in the mental health field, which can be stressful), and I yelled out of nowhere. She told me that if I had just communicated to her that I had a bad day and was hungry she would have just made me a snack and told me to chill while dinner was ready, but instead I just lashed out. Or if I had texted her earlier, she would've ordered me lunch or given me her card number so I could order something for myself. Also said it was about teaching me a lesson about what a quiet housewife looks like and that it's obviously not something I want. And that if it is, she's obviously not someone I'm going to get it from. So, to make a choice about what I want. I told her I just want to be with her. I don't want a housewife; I want her as my partner for the rest of our lives. I just felt like a complete ass because I just had to communicate, and she would've been there for me. I had no right to hurt her. She was a partner, and I was a dick. -As you guys also suggested, I have been taking over her chores (as well as I can because my cooking is definitely not as good as hers) and spoiling her with her favorite things and foods. I'm spoiling her even more than she spoils me since she loves giving little just because/thinking of you gifts and doing sweet things to make my life easier. I've also been doing things like drawing baths, serving her favorite juice (she doesn't drink at all) lighting candles, and playing her favorite crime podcast so she can relax when she comes home from work. She even asked me to join her on the last bath. She said she was glad we were working on things. No promises , but we'll keep working together and see what happens. I obviously fucked up here. I'm still trying to fix it, and I'm hopeful. It's not all unicorns and rainbows, but I'm going to do whatever it takes to repair and rebuild what I ruined. If it ends up not working, then I'll know it's because I was a big ass who didn't properly communicate and didn't keep his mouth shut. Any other questions I'll try to answer. I just got overwhelmed last time and before I knew comments were locked. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I threw a low blow at my wife, and now she's barely talking to me. Please help!

INCONCLUSIVE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16yhyfe/i_threw_a_low_blow_at_my_wife_and_now_shes_barely/

16yhz2z

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Charming_Golf274 **First time I dressed up for a double date and my friend didn’t like it** **Originally posted to** r/TrueOffMyChest [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/WOMdeEXrku)  **Sept 12, 2023** My friend Joel(20M) ask me(21M) to join him for a double date with Jean(20F) and her friend Sam(19F). Joel got a date with Jean but she wanted to make it a double date as she wanted to introduce Sam to the dating scene in a more friendly kinda way. I agreed to it but Sam wasn’t amused by the idea of me being her date but agreed because she was happy with just the experience. Why? Well me and Joel are two totally different types of guy, he is the charming and athletic guy while i am the chubby and more reserved one. Doesn’t help i am balding this early in life. The times i have met her at university has been while i am wearing the same clothes. I have a set of clothes only for university, sort of like a self imposed uniform. Every day is different but i repeat weekly. So, yesterday i got my hair cut as low as possible without going into shaving, fixed my beard and i have to say i was looking mighty fine. Got out my “brand new” clothes. Now, today we had our double date after 2pm, I arrived late but only by 5 minutes. Joel was texting me like crazy until I arrived holding a rose for Sam. I am a bit corny but I thought it would be a nice gesture. Joel wasn’t happy for some reason, Jean looked surprised but Sam, she smiled widely and her eyes sparkled a bit. We start our date and Sam and I are having a bit of a blast. We decided to go out bowling before going for ice cream in recommendation from Sam. We got along but not really enough to say i like her more than a friend. Maybe a second date, solo this time, would be nice. As we are hanging out I could feel glances from Joel and small smiles from Jean. I know Jean is smiling because Sam is having fun but I didn’t know why Joel was so angry with me. After the date Joel unloaded on me. How i was cringe for bringing Sam a rose, that i was there to entertain Sam not distract Jean from him. That i dressed too formal and too fancy. I was only wearing a white shirt, flannel over shirt and jeans with my converse. He also said i should have stayed at home if i was going to act like i did at the date. I just talked with Sam, shared a meal with her, and went to get her favorite ice cream from her favorite store. He was there, and Jean was 100% onboard with the ideas. I barely talked with Jean, he had all the playing field for himself. Not my fault Jean was more interested in seeing her friend happy. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **reebsk** >Sounds like he was annoyed that you showed him up on the date. He is probably used to attention and thought being next to you would make him look better. Think DUFF. Sorry, just going based off your description. Girls care way more about thoughts and effort than just "attractive", thats why you were getting the attention of both girls. **OOP replied** >>I knew from the start he was planning to use me to look better. But I wasn’t expecting him to be rude about his date with Jame and blaming it on me. * **adios-bitchachos** >Lol maybe the only reason Jean agreed to date your friend was so she'd have an excuse to get Sam out on a date with somebody and Joel is salty about it. >Don't worry about it. Sounds like you and Sam had a nice time and Jean is happy that Sam enjoyed herself. Joel is just being insecure. >You absolutely should ask Sam to go out solo. Even if you decide she's not for you romantically, it sounds like you guys get along well and could be great friends **OOP replied** >>I think i will ask her out, she mentioned she was into retro gaming and we have an old school arcade close to campus. [Update](https://reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/vLP6HMgDX5)  **Sept 26, 2023** A lot of people wanted an update so here it is. Lets start with my friend Joel. I explained him what happened and how it made me feel and he apologized. A bit of a forced apology but its been two weeks and he has actually changed a bit. I explained that he should be more attentive with his dates and took it to heart. He is still the same guy but now he at least tries to actually connect with his date. Jean, well not much, we started hanging out but i don’t know much about what happened with her and Joel. Just that it didn’t worked out. I will take that. Now, Sam. Well, i asked her out for another date, this time a solo date and she said yes with a big grin on her face. We went to the arcade and we had a blast, maybe too much. That night I returned to my apartment at 3 am and exhausted. That was a night filled with firsts. With that said, we hit it off, I thought we wouldn’t click but after a few drinks at karaoke really made her loosen up a bit and we talked for about 3 hours in our second date. Had two more dates and now are officially dating. I showed her my last post and she was amused by all your replies. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

First time I dressed up for a double date and my friend didn’t like it

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16yhz2z/first_time_i_dressed_up_for_a_double_date_and_my/

16ywaz4

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Savvy_vonna in r/TwoHotTakes** trigger warnings: >!none!< mood spoilers: >!sweet, heart warming!< --- &nbsp; [**WIBTA to not tell the parents something vital that their baby did?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/16sqxxp/) - 26 September 2023 Hello! I (F 23) am a nanny and accidentally experienced something with the baby I watch (M 3mo) and I am torn whether to tell the parents or not. A little back story, baby boy is the youngest and LAST child that the parents are going to have. Mom had him by C-Section and, since she didn’t want to have any more kids, got her tubes completely removed during the procedure. He was a suprise baby, as she was planning on getting her tubes removed over a year ago, but got pregnant with him. I stay home alone at their house with baby all day while the older kids are at school and parents are at work. During tummy time with him on his play mat… he rolled over for the first time. I have been having my phone close by the past week in case he did it so that I could send it to the parents if he happens to do it, but I left my phone on the couch and it happed so fast there was no way I could have grabbed it and took a video in time. I picked him up and got a little emotional. I was so happy to be there to experience one of his firsts… but I was also sad. Then… I became torn. I thought that maybe I shouldn’t tell them. These are the LAST FIRSTS that they will get to experience since they will not be having any more children. If I don’t tell them, then when he does it in front of them, THEY get to experience his firsts. The only reason I’m torn is because every day mom comes home she always talks about how she thinks he will roll over anyway now, and I want so badly to tell her but I don’t want them to realize they missed out on something they will never get to experience again. So WIBTA? Edit: Many are concerned that baby might be in jeopardy because of swaddling. A few weeks ago when parents saw signs of rolling over they cut all swaddling. So no he is not being swaddled *Most comments were of moms saying the wouldn't want her to tell, so they can have the "firsts" and of teachers/nannys sharing stories about not telling parents so they can experience it* &nbsp; [**Update in comments**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/16sqxxp/comment/k2d5wln/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - a couple hours later UPDATE!!! Thank you all so much for the advice, I ended up not telling mom and dad and instead said, “hey I think baby is getting really close to rolling over!” Mom said that he can get on his side but not all the way and that she would be watching him like a hawk during tummy time after I left. About an hr ago she messaged me saying, ”HE ROLLED OVER!” and how happy she was that he is making his milestones even though he was premature. Both mom and dad were home and got to see little man roll over. I knew I made the right call. Hope this updates brings a little happiness, and thank you again for all the advice! &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

WIBTA to not tell the parents something vital that their baby did?

CONCLUDED

s_kowalski

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16ywaz4/wibta_to_not_tell_the_parents_something_vital/

16ywsm2

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/ Helloshorty123 in r/MaliciousCompliance** mood spoilers: >!:)!< --- &nbsp; [**The Calender Was Up To Date**](https://old.reddit.com/r/MaliciousCompliance/comments/16r11xo/the_calender_was_up_to_date/) - Sep 24 2023 So, I (24f) work as a coordinator, and part of my job requires setting up a lot of meetings. I was trying to set up meetings within two different time zones, and the time difference was of 14 hours. Natrally, they weren't going to be easy slots. After a lot of negotiating, I was able to get three early morning slots of 7:00am, 7:30am, and 8:00am. I text the guy that I understand working hours start from 9am, but these are the only possible slots because otherwise it is too late at the other side. I tell him that after a lot of negotiation, I have these slots and since I need to schedule a few more meetings, I would be grateful if he could tell me his preferred one, so it is easier for him. The reason I asked the guy first because he was expected to present product functionality, and I was trying to make it easier for him. He refused to reply until the last very moment. And barely looked at my message and told me that his calender was up to date. And just stopped responding. I was so mad. I am negotiating for you. I know your calender is free at these slots because working hours start from 9am. I WANTED YOUR EASE. He refused to even see my message after that. So I was like okay. Your calender is up to date, and I'll use it. So now he has a 6am slot for the meeting. Because he refused to check my messages and email, he didn't even see the invite, until his boss had already accepted it, and the other party as well. I will not sit and watch him give his presentation at 6am. Can't wait for tomorrow :) (I am not in the same time zone, my meeting time would be 4pm) Edit: corrected grammar &nbsp; [**Update: The Calender was Up to Date**](https://old.reddit.com/r/MaliciousCompliance/comments/16shaf0/update_the_calender_was_up_to_date/) - 2023-09-26 The Fallout - Oh boy was it some fallout. So everyone is waiting in the meeting. My boss is here, his boss is here, the other party is here, I'm of course there. Also before the meeting I did tell my boss (not in a complaining manner) that I had issues setting up slots, due to the lack of responses from our own team. I didn't name him. I was generally talking about everyone, but my boss knew. Initially, my boss was supposed to the set the meeting himself, because countless members have had issues working with him. But he was out of town and I took over the task. So, he joined in almost 10mins late. Need less to say my boss (the guy reports to my boss as well, since his boss reports to mine) is pissed off. Not the first time, he has been difficult to work with. He finally comes in, and does his presentation. The presentation went fine. But did he look tired? Yes. Was I happily watching him present at 6am? Yes. After the meeting ends and the other party leaves, my boss asks him to stay back in. And man was my boss pissed. And I guess it was like the stick that broke the camel's back. All the occurrences of him refusing to work with people, his attitude issues, his condescending incidents were brought up. The guy did not say a word. His head kind of hung low while he listened to my boss ripping him a new one. Needless to say, I enjoyed each and every second of it. Now he is required to take mandatory HR training sessions for team communication. And I'll be setting those up too, so hopefully he'll be more vocal about what is preferable. **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Malicious Compliance - The Calendar Was Up To Date [Small]

CONCLUDED

Throwawayaccount-4

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16ywsm2/malicious_compliance_the_calendar_was_up_to_date/

16yxzny

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/youngdad_sucks **in** r/parenting **and** r/offmychest **trigger warning:** >!forced marriage, parental abandonment!< **mood spoiler:** >!wholesome!< **Previous BoRU is** [**here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16m8o6u/new_update_i_16m_have_a_4month_old_daughter_ex_gf/) **Original BoRU is** [**here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zkgxya/i_16m_have_a_4month_old_daughter_ex_gf_wants_to/) **posted by** u/toohottooheavy &#x200B; \*\***New Updates start from 26th September 2023\*\*** &#x200B; [**I 16(M) have a 4month old daughter - ex gf wants to go to College and I am worried**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/q18swu/i_16m_have_a_4month_old_daughter_ex_gf_wants_to/) **- 4 October 2021** Before anyone says anything - yes I knew about condoms. I was just dumb. Story time. My parents divorced when I was 10 but lived primarily with my mom. Tiffany's (16) parents are together. When our parents found out she was pregnant her parents kicked her out and my mom kicked me out. So now we live with my Dad. During the pregnancy my Dad took my mom to court and got primary sole custody - I know what this means because I had to go to court for my daughter. He sued Tiffany's parents for legal guardianship and they now pay child support for her and they are pissed and refuse to talk to us. I am in my bedroom and my daughter is in her bedroom and my ex is in the "guest room" that is now hers. My dad made a deal with us. We live with him until 18 with no rent payment at 18 we need to decide what it is we do. I wasnt really that good in school and Tiffany is an A student. So I took my GED and my dad got me into Welding school. I finish in 2 months. I also work full time so I do welding school at night. Tiffany goes to school and works on the weekends at Wendy's. This whole thing is a huge ordeal. We literally have no life. My dad helps but not that much because he feels its our responsibility which I agree but still sucks. I work 6 am - 3 pm at a warehouse and go to school from 6 pm to 10 pm. Tiffany is home by 230 and picks up our daughter from daycare. WE help each other a lot and then I head off to school and she stays with her at home until I get home and do it all over again day after day. When our daughter was born my dad made us go to court, we have 50/50 and I dont pay child support because she lives with us. Because I work full time I can get healthcare for my daughter and myself and that sucks it costs me 300 dollars a month and daycare is 400 a week. Literally Tiffany works just so we can pay for daycare and I pay for everything else. When we are short for cash my dad will help because he sees we are trying. My dad has been our rock. When we are tired and exhausted he will step in and give us a break here and there, but he makes sure we have everything we need and keeps us motivated. Tiffany wants to apply to college soon and I am worried because I dont want to keep living with her and I dont think I can keep our daughter full time as a welder working 12 hour shifts. But she says she will start at community college and work but wants to stay with us living together since its easier. Since I will be working and it will be best for us to stay with my dad. But my dad said at 18 we have to pay rent. She doesnt mind but I dont want to keep living with her because we arent together. I am unsure how to tell her this. My dad thinks she should stay with us as long as she is a full time student to finish her degree because i am already getting my career. I just feel that all this is unfair because the burden is on me. I guess I am ranting because I am scared and unsure of what all this means. **Edit:** I guess my thing about her living with us is that we are more like siblings now. We get along and joke and stuff but since she is my ex I feel weirded out by it. Maybe I need to take a breather since everyone is saying its a good thing. Also I needed to hear it from other people and not just my dad and he is pretty solid and i should thank him maybe take him for dinner or something. **2nd Edit:** My dad isnt kicking us out at 18, but he wants us to be realistic to the world and pay bills. The money he gets from Tiffany's parents he just gives it to her, she is saving up money for a car and uses other money for her specific foods and clothes. Before i became a dad my dad always wanted me to live with him at 18 and figure it out and stay with him and save money to buy a house. When he found out I was going to be a dad he wasnt mad but disappointed and said everything has to change. He also is paying for my welding school of 20k and he bought me my car but I do have to pay my own insurance. He does help as long as he sees we are trying and not being lazy. When school recently started he took my daughter to daycare every morning and helped Tiffany with a routine to get school work done. **Final edit:** I have to get to class now. Tiffany wants to be a nurse or PA but the college told her nursing school is hard to get into and its best to have a high school diploma which is why she is still in high school and working the weekends. But someone mentioned a dual thing for community college and we will look into that. So we couldnt get daycare assistance because we are minors and they used my dad's salary. The funny thing is I cant open a checking account for myself because i am a minor but the bank allowed me to open a childrens account for my daughter because I am her parent lol the irony. I read every single comment and its given me a different POV and I guess college seems so far and I was counting years but its really not that bad she is like a sister now and those who asked I doubt we will get back together honestly I am not thinking about anything like that right now I am too tired to think of a relationship or that type of future. &#x200B; [**UPDATE:I 16(M) have a 4month old daughter - ex gf wants to go to College**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/qfj89j/updatei_16m_have_a_4month_old_daughter_ex_gf/) **- 25 October 2021** Idk why I feel like I need to update but here it goes, Tiff and my dad went to the school and were able to get her enrolled in college courses because of her grades. She wont graduate H.S way too fast but she will have enough to finish h.s hours by next December so 6 months early. She reapplied for assistance we got a voucher for daycare so now its 50 dollars a week. She quit her job so she can focus on school but she doesnt start college until spring so thats cool it gives her some time. She still wants to be a nurse so thats cool too. I got a new job that pays more as a forklift operator and will give me an internship for welding which I wont be able to start until november/december until i finish my classes and then i have to do a 2 month internship but they are paying me really good. I started Monday. My dad and I had a long talk about my fears and he reassured me that its ok to be scared but we have a game plan. He is fixing up the basement to make 2 bedrooms and a living room like a little apartment because he said Tiff and I will need space as we grow. He wants me to buy the house when i am 18 like he did with his parents and he will help me pay it as long as Tiff gets to stay until she finishes college and let her make her own choice. We all agreed this is the best option and we are all really much happier now. I guess I just needed to let it out. Tiff and I are great while being parents is hard but its been good now that we feel a bit more secure. My mom and Tiffs parents still havent spoken to us because we arent married. Which does make me sad but its ok we have my dad - Tiff's grandparents bought her a car and said thats all they can do for her and not to contact them again until we are married. The car needs some work but I am going to pay for it to fix it up. It needs brakes, suspension and some regular maintenance. My dad finally told me what all happened and I didnt know but it made me open my eyes to all of this. My dad met my mom in H.S too and they were together and got caught kissing. Since my mom's family are Baptist they forced my dad to marry her. I didnt know in Missouri parents can marry their kids at 15 which is why my dad has been so protective. They were going to marry Tiff and I because she was pregnant and when my dad stepped in they couldnt do it. My mom and Tiffs dad went and got a license for us and were going to marry us in their church. I guess I wouldnt have minded marrying Tiff but I would rather do it later. But yeah thats why they arent talking to us. My dad did say if that happened he would helped us get it anulled but we have no intentions of speaking to them right now. He explained that Tiff is stuck and while I might be afraid she is even more afraid because she has no one and I need to reassure her we are here for her as a family. I guess I couldnt see it that way and its good that I talked to him. I hugged my dad and i have been hugging him every day now and its nice its made us closer. All of this information made me pretty sad and grateful at the same time and it helped Tiff and I really start talking more. Like we talked but we didnt talk and I didnt know she was scared too we are now doing days for us to be kids as my dad says. So we both hang out with our friends who still talk to us at least once a week and Tiff and I do a lot of stuff on the weekends now that she doesnt work. Like taking Jelly to the park and going for walks and we did a pumpkin patch. Jelly seems to be happier too and Tiff doesnt seem as tired anymore. anyway thanks everyone for the help, tips and encouragement. I doubt I will update again and just lurk for parenting advice. **Edit:** just want to say thanks for thinking I am a great dad but I dont believe it just yet. I depend a lot on my dad to help me. Tiff and I are trying we do take parenting classes that they offer us a lot of advice and we have made friends there which is nice. But I dont think we would be this prepared without my dad. Also Tiff is on WIC and we take parenting and co-parenting classes its my dads rules. &#x200B; [**In a comment OOP Updates**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zkgxya/comment/jfddiop/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **- 7th April 2023** Holy Crap guys! I finally logged into Reddit and had tons of messages and I found this post! I honestly just didnt expect this. I might as well make an update! Well Tiff and I are 18 now! I first made my post 2 years ago and Jelly is 2 years old as well. My dad is doing really good now, he FINALLY has a girlfriend and of course he met her at Tiff's community college she is an admissions counselor. Tiff is in CC for nursing and killing it! she will have her associates in nursing and then head over for her bachelors at some point but yeah she doing really good. I am a welder now and I make pretty good money. Tiff and I are back together we started dating again this new years when she kissed me and it just felt right. But she made it very clear we are dating so she is in the basement which we fixed up and I am in my room upstairs and she makes me text her if its ok to come over haha its just a funny thing we do. Yeah I am going to marry her. We go to family counseling 4 times a month 2 weeks virtual and 2 weeks in office because of our schedule we found that this helps us its like couples counseling but not. I am not the best communicator and this has helped me with stressful times with Tiff and Jelly. I feel like I aged the past 2 years. I definitely dont feel 18 I feel a bit older. Jelly is the most happiest kid and she literally lights up a room and I honestly just cant imagine not being in her life every second of the day. She loves Pa (thats what she calls my dad). She has him wrapped around his finger he literally spoils her all the time. I really love being a dad to her. I love taking naps with her and how she is just a daddy's girl, she literally is my shadow. It drives Tiff crazy but she is also really happy. We do go out on dates to like dinner and movies sometimes we just sit in the car and talk and laugh, mostly laugh. My dad has changed a lot and us 4 are really really close he is so much happier and I think his gf makes him happy like made him alive again. He's always doing some weird teaching moments like if Tiff is irritated and walks away he will just say. Well an irritated woman tends to shop to get her mind off things... can you afford that? LOL so yeah he is constantly with his little comments. I havent spoken to my mother at all and I have no intentions of doing so. Tiff's parents did come back and try to build a relationship with her but they always made her feel like shit so she cut contact with them. My dad still wants us to buy the house and I told him we have no plans on ever moving out! so I told him I will buy the house when either I am 30 or when Tiff and I get married and she said not until she graduates and gets a job. So no wedding bells for at least another 2 years. If you ask Tiff she says she doesnt plan on getting married until she is 28 so it might be longer haha. &#x200B; [**Another small update in the comments**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12tlh1w/comment/jh3l1bk/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **- 24th April 2023** >He\[Dad\] explained that Tiff is stuck and while I might be afraid she is even more afraid because she has no one and I need to reassure her we are here for her as a family. Most-excellent dad. tbh this was the statement that made me wake up. At that time I just saw everything as a burden, I lived off of adrenaline and honestly the moment she said she was pregnant until I made that post everything was a blur. I was scared and just really confused about life. I was tired and I couldnt think everything was a fog. Tiff and I talked a lot about how regardless of whatever happens in our future she is my family, we are a family. Being 16 I wanted to just be with my family, my mom walked away and it was just me and my dad and a baby and now a gf. I know that sounds selfish but that is how I was thinking and really overwhelmed. With therapy and my dad it really helped me I wouldnt say get over but really find my own voice and be myself and actually use my words. I just bottled everything in and when my dad said that it really did break through to me. &#x200B; [**My Dad's gf is pregnant, my dad doesnt know and she doesnt know he is going to propose and I am so happy and I need to get it off my chest before I explode and accidentally tell them.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/16g4s6h/my_dads_gf_is_pregnant_my_dad_doesnt_know_and_she/) **- 11th September 2023** My Dad (38) has been trusting me to not spill the beans that he is going to propose to his gf (33) lets call her Kay on his bday in 2 weeks! I helped pick up the ring when it was ready and have been hiding it for a month! But Kay spent the weekend with us and was acting very "moody" I dont want to make it sound bad because its not, but she usually is an early riser and very bubbly but this weekend she seemed very tired and different. I heard my dad yell down to the basement "we will be back" I yelled back ok. I went upstairs to get some snacks out of boredom and went into the guest bathroom not thinking anything about the door being closed and she was there staring at a pregnancy test. We locked eyes and I immediately shut the door. I waited for her to come out or say something but then I heard her crying and I knocked and opened the door and she looked at me and said she's pregnant and started sobbing. My 1st reaction was to yell for joy and then reality hit. I am 18 and my dad will be starting over and I have a daughter and my dad is a grandpa already. She asked me to keep it a secret and she believes she is about 9 wks pregnant she would have to check but yeah. I am finally going to be a big brother! I cant tell him and I cant tell her of the all around great news! I told her to wait until his bday because he would love it. I know my dad, he is going to be estatic probably scared but definitely excited. My dad has helped me become a pretty good father and even a good partner to my gf, hes an awesome dad and grandpa, now we both get to be Dads together. I cant wait to tell him (um did you check the baby's diaper LOL). Sorry had to get this off my chest. I cant tell my gf, my dad or my future step mom AHHHHH. **Edit** Lets clear the air. She is happy to be pregnant and overwhelmed, she was sobbing because she didn't think it could happen because she was with her ex for 6 years and never got pregnant. Also, yes, I am 18 almost 19 with a 2.5 y/o daughter, and my GF and I live in basement of my dad's house. **Update** I survived dinner and Kay brought up a baby and my dad laughed saying oh man that would be awesome but it's not in our cards (this is because Kay believed she couldnt have babies) and mentioned maybe adoption or more grandkids. Sidenote he will have to wait a long time for more grandkids, I learned my lesson. We discussed my Dad's bday and Kay's mom is going to make his favorite dish Enchiladas and its going to be at the house after we convinced my dad to have a small party with Kay's, parents and siblings, us and a few of his close friends. She thinks she is going to surprise him and he is thinking he won by having her family here. I feel like this is going so well and I will update everyone when it happens but I do appreciate the forum to express myself. I am not on Reddit very often as I am switching from 4 10's to 2nd shift and in training of 2nd shift stuff. &#x200B; **Comments** *Please please please come back in two weeks so we can all scream in happiness with you again!!* >I think I am going to have to work OT a lot the next couple of weeks or like limit contact because I cant stop smiling and my heart is pounding. I just hope she waits until his bday because I dont want her to think he is proposing because she is pregnant. idk why that is a thought of mine but like I just want them to be happy and surprised together. *Suggest that she waits, but don't tell her why. :)* >oh yeah I word vomited when she said shes pregnant, that he would think this is the best bday present ever! she just smiled and hugged me. Now that we are texting, I am just saying she has to wait he bday is literally 2 weeks from today and he took the day off (he always does). I told her to go to the doctor 1st and make sure everything is ok. Get an ultrasound and a frame and all that. I just know we are all going to be crying and hugging and more than likely he is going to play punch me about keeping secrets. *18-year old dad gives 33-year old woman advice about first stage of pregnancy...that is so cute.* &#x200B; *This is wonderful! But, why was she crying? Was she not happy about the pregnancy test results? Were those worry tears? Happy tears? I truly wish the best for you and your dad and (hopefully) future stepmom!* >So thank you for reminding me I have been texting her from the basement. She is really happy and they were happy tears and she just wasnt expecting it. Its her 1st so she is overwhelmed. I am too so I didnt think to ask! *Those is all just wonderful news! So much fun to know something so big planned on both sides. I bet it's almost painful not being able to say anything, but now your dad won't be the only one to give a surprise!* >you have no idea! like the proposal I feel like my gf and I knew it was coming. So when he told me he was going to propose to Kay I was excited and hugged him. When he asked me not to say anything I damn near cried from the pressure. How can he ask me to not say anything for 6 weeks?! I cant lie! I start to stutter and get nervous. > >Now this! how am I supposed to answer to my dad when he asks at Dinner tonight how was our day?! Me "uneventful" pffft. I might as well just say I dont feel good and hide in my room. &#x200B; **\*\*New Updates Start Here \*\*** &#x200B; [**Update - My Dad's gf is pregnant, my dad doesnt know and she doesnt know he is going to propose and I am so happy and I need to get it off my chest before I explode and accidentally tell them.**](https://www.reddit.com/user/YoungDad_sucks/comments/16sxhcw/update_my_dads_gf_is_pregnant_my_dad_doesnt_know/) **- 26th September 2023** UPDATE- Well here is an update! The past 2 weeks has been hell to keep all this in and not accidentally tell anyone anything! But this is how it all went. It took me a while to make this update because I have been in my feels. Monday my Dad tried to sleep in like usual but my daughter was not having it so we made him breakfast in bed and they watched Disney movies and danced until 11 am. The rest of the day I spent cleaning the house and prepping for everyone, my gf Tiff went to go pick up Kay's parents at 3:30 and were at the house by 4. Kay showed up around 4:30. Just some info - Kay's parents are older and live with her at her house so they can save their money from working to retire faster and possibly spend the winters in warmer climate and summers here with Kay. Dinner was amazing and we all had a great time and Jelly was definitely stealing the spotlight trying to "help" blow out Pa's candles but he didnt mind so much. The whole time my heart was racing and I was trying to figure out how to help my Dad propose and help Kay tell him. So the way it happened - was that my Dad put the engagement ring in a gift bag to make it look like it was a gift to him and he planned on opening it last to surprise her, she planned on her gift having the ultrasound picture last to surprise him, as you see this wasnt working because they were both adamant on which gift being last. Again, I am struggling trying to middle man because he wasnt listening and I didnt want her to get upset. So we finally convinced him to open Kay's present before his. Arguing with the birthday boy was giving me dirty looks from everyone and Tiff ended up elbowing me in my ribs to cut it out. I was stressed. So my Dad opens Kay's gift and sees the ultrasound in a frame but didnt look at the name or anything just the ultrasound and he stared me down and then looked at Tiff and yelled *"youre pregnant? Im having another grandbaby?"* literally he yelled it so loud, everyone yelled congrats and Tiff yelled back *F*ck No\*. The look of confusion on everyones face and Kay over there snort laughing and Kay said "no Im pregnant". My Dad just blank faced stared at her for what felt like eternity which was really like 10 seconds and asked are you sure? She said yes and showed her name on the ultrasound and thats when my Dad just started crying and hugging her. He was so happy and his hands where shaking and he was hugging everyone saying he was going to be a Dad again. I nudged him and he quickly ran to get his gift and got on one knee and proposed. Now everyone is crying Kay said yes and honestly we probably could have cured some land drought with all the tears in the room. Kay's mom almost had a heart attack and her Dad couldnt stop hugging Kay and my Dad. Tiff was surprised I kept this for so long and didnt even tell her. I did ask for them to not stress me out like this if they planned a gender reveal and to just give it to someone else lol. the stress from all this literally made me nauseous! *here is where I am in my feels and why it took a while for me to write this.* When my gf was pregnant I didnt have that sense of joy and happiness and feeling like my Dad did. He is so excited and now he is engaged and you can just see and feel it all over him. He wouldnt stop touching Kay's stomach and kissing her. When Tiff told me she was pregnant I was scared and wanted to run. I love my daughter and she is so awesome but even going to the dr appts Tiff and I would cry after because how real it was and we werent happy. I wouldnt change any of it but some part of me feels robbed obviously this is our own fault but that doesnt take away the feeling. Then the other portion of reality hit, Kay has her own house her own family, my Dad has us, but I have my own family now and this will change everything. When is he going to move in with her? Do I take over the mortgage payments? I planned on building my credit to get approved but I thought I had time, but it seems like time was yesterday. What now about my family? She doesnt want to get married out of need but want, but what happens if something happens to me? Where will they go? where will my daughter live? How do I secure their future like my Dad did for me? anyway I hope this was the update everyone was looking for! I just want to thank everyone for giving me strength to hold on to this secret. When I felt like I was going to explode I would just come back and read the comments! &#x200B; **Comments** *Congratulations! I have been following your story for a while and am so happy it all worked out. Regarding your “feels,” I totally understand where you’re coming from but please don’t feel bad. You and your father are at completely different stages in life and you couldn’t help your feelings at the time of Tiff’s pregnancy. We can’t change the past, only the future. And I know your head is swimming with anxiety but your dad has proven how much he cares about you and your family so I know it will all work out. The only constant in life is change but you’re surrounded by good people who will get you through it. Good luck to you.* >yeah I know, I definitely dont want to take a way from their happiness so I havent brought it up. Just racing thoughts is all. My dad is a great dad. &#x200B; *Firstly, huge congrats to your Dad and all of you. Couldn't think of a better family for this little one to be born into.* *Secondly, do not forget what you have already overcome. You had all these worries with a teen pregnancy and look at you today? As a loving family unit, you will work it out together. Your Dad and Kay would never abandon you. You're in a better position now than you were before. And you're not alone. I promise everybody worries about the future and making ends meet but it's not all on your shoulders. Remember all you've learnt from therapy too - about sharing your thoughts and communicating well. Deep breath. You're doing amazingly well!* *Can't even begin to convey how proud I feel for an Internet stranger! I think you and your Dad and whole family (and Jelly most of all) give us all the feels!* >Youre right. I just worry in general and I feel like I should just handle it. My Dad just handled it but again I am not sure if he was ever really worried but he never seems worried. He just does stuff &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

[New Update - Can OOP keep both secrets ?] I 16(M) have a 4month old daughter - ex gf wants to go to College and I am worried.

NEW UPDATE

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16yxzny/new_update_can_oop_keep_both_secrets_i_16m_have_a/

16zawjs

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Mar_Reddit **Originally posted to** r/tifu **Thank you to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this to the BoRU** **TIFU by pranking a friend into thinking that someone she's a huge fan of messaged her.** --- &nbsp; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/16rtt4s/tifu_by_pranking_a_friend_into_thinking_that/?share_id=o-wIIsmCfXvGgQy8S6SKc&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **September 25, 2023** Yo So I do animation as a pass time. I've met a lot of people in the animation community and I've learned a lot from them! I likely wouldn't be where I am in animation without their help and hand holding! In this community, I met this girl who has an INCREDIBLE talent for creating models. I'm talking models fit for actual film production! They're INCREDIBLE. I've commissioned a few models from her and they're all GOD tier. I love them to bits! Now see, she enjoys this 3D animated series online that she bases her models artstyle on. I happen to love this series too, and commissioned my models to be in the same artstyle. The other day, she did this "Anonymous message" thing on her social. Where you could send her an anonymous message and she'll reply to it on a public post. I pretended to be the voice actress of her favorite character in this show and told her that I loved her work and that she was incredible. **[EDIT: ^ THIS WAS IN AN ANONYMOUS TEXT POST LMAOOO. I didn't "do a voice" lmao. I see where people were getting mixed up now.]** She got SUPER excited and posted it with gusto. When I saw how excited she got.... I realized I probably goofed.... I thought she would say "lol bs. Next," or something. Just cause that's how I would've responded if someone claiming to be someone I was a huge fan of messaged me. I realize how naiive and stupid that thought process was of me now. Anyway, I told her it was me and she called me a bastard and told me to actually fuck off. Which.... is fair.... I knew she enjoyed this series & characters but I didn't know it meant so much to her. So right now, I've sent her a short apology and am giving her space... waiting for a little while for things to cool before I send her a much more genuine apology explaining myself and letting her know that I understand if she doesn't want to work with me on models anymore. If she doesn't, that's 100% fair and I deserve it. I wanted to make this post cause I feel better typing these things out. And I know I deserve to be called a dickhead by internet strangers for this one. GOD I feel like such a cunt... Update: I found the VA of her favorite character on cameo. Thanks for the suggestion! I've booked to have her give my friend a personal message about how good a modeler she is and how talented she is. I'm leaving the apology out of it. That part is my job. Hopefully it all comes through and I can send the message along with my apology. TL;DR I posed as my friends favorite characters voice actress in an anonymous message thinking she wouldn't take it seriously and she got SUPER excited. I felt bad not realizing how much this meant to her and told her it was me. Now she's pissed at me and I feel like a piece of shit and I deserve it :( &nbsp; [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/16ssc7i/tifu_by_pranking_a_friend_into_thinking_that/?share_id=6tfzImAqoOcBwkURSe3TH&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **September 26, 2023 (One day later)** Welp.... I bring unfortunate news. In my last post, I had updated by saying that I was following what someone suggested and getting in touch with the VA. Which was a great idea! They had a cameo! I paid the extra fee to get it express done within 24 hours! 24 hours has come and gone.... let's just say I better get my fucking money back. So I was going to go back to plan A: Giving appropriate apologies since things cooled down. Come to find out.... I'm blocked. Which... sure did sting. I had hoped that we could have at least talked about it.... but I suppose I'm not entitled to her time. I really didn't think something like that would do this much damage, else I never would have done it. But oh well, not much I can do about it now. I suppose all I can really do now is maybe hope that she's just want to take some time away from me before talking about it, but I guess that's wishful thinking. I had taken note though that she unfollowed me on Twitter but she didn't block me. So that's why I'm holding on to hope that she wants to talk eventually. That has to be her choice, not mine. So I'm not going to DM her on twitter. Getting that message from that VA sure likely would have helped, buuuuuuut fuck me >:( So I guess the best I can do now is maybe talk to a mutual friend to let her know how sorry I am and then just leave her alone and let HER decide if she ever wans anything to do with me without any extra intrusion beyond that. Her having any more involvement with me has to be HER decision. I can't force her, and I'm not going to try. I think I've done enough. The prank would have been funny in my personal friend group, but I should have realized that different friends have different boundaries. What would have been funny in my friend group likely wouldn't be funny to her. Not to make this about me or to throw a pity party for myself, but I don't have many friends :( It's just... depressing how quickly this all happened. So little communication. Absolutely zero chance to make it right. But I suppose I'm not entitled to that chance I guess. Realistically, even if I did nothing to her and she had just decided she doesn't want anything to do with me, who am I to say otherwise? TL;DR title story happened, friend is super upset to the point of immediately blocking me. Fuck why am I like this **Relevant Comment from OOP:** ***NikkerFu:** So no cameo?* >**OP:** Nope. > >I'll keep trying cuz I at least owe her that much. But getting that message to her is about as far as I'm going to go. &nbsp; **REMINDER – THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP**

TIFU by pranking a friend into thinking that someone she's a huge fan of messaged her.

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16zawjs/tifu_by_pranking_a_friend_into_thinking_that/

16zcwv7

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/squockattock **DM wants to bang a player, who is also a problem** **Originally posted to** r/rpghorrorstories **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Sexual harassment, stalking, threats to kidnap, transphobia!< **DM stands for Dungeon Master** [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/rpghorrorstories/s/wHIqrYKj9Y) **July 21, 2020** To preface this, I also am a woman who prefers women. This was my first woman DM, and, out of the four years I've been playing D&D, I've only ever had male DMs. Everyone of them had had weird sexual hangups, and the games I DMed had a That Guy who made my life miserable(that's another story and not why I'm mad right now) So when I found a lady DM, I thought for sure my problems were over. I was so, so wrong. Alice is a great DM for the most part(And no, this isn't her real name) she's fair with loot, she's engaging, her characters are compelling, and her plot hooks are great. She's got a great sense of humor, and is quick witted. She just desperately wants in this girl's pants. We were playing D&D 5E, to start with. When the campaign began, none of us realized she had a crush on Mary(Also not her real name) we had known each other for a few months before from a discord group we were all in, and wanted to make a D&D campaign. Alice volunteered to DM, and we agreed. We grabbed a few more people and off we were. It took a few session for me to realize that things were a little skewed in Mary's favor. She had the best NPC responses, the most interesting encounters, the rich noble character was finding the most gold, and at this point, we hadn't come across any merchants, and we weren't getting any items either. I'd seen favoritism before and, honestly, it didn't bother me. I can work around not having any loot. As long as my character has money for rations, she can sleep in a stable. It was fine. Then I get a message from the DM saying "Hey Mary is gonna split from the party." It was like session 4 at this point, and we'd just had a session the day before. I said cool, and found out from another player that they were going to have private sessions every night for like two weeks, skipping our regular game night until this was resolved. So I asked to listen in on this. They were cool with it. It was...wow. Mary's character was hit on by nearly every male NPC and a few lady NPCs. There was action, romance, a forced marriage(yes, forced, by magic) and suddenly the PC had found a man who would never ever desert her, loved her for all she was, a passionate man who yielded to her desires, etc. I have to admit, I was very excited for my character's arc. I've never had a DM pay this much attention to me before, and was excited at the prospect of having my character thought of so much. Nope. I asked who was going to get solo sessions next, and Alice said, "Oh I won't be doing this with everyone else. It would be weird." I was confused, so I asked what she meant by weird. She confessed they were role-playing the smut parts when their verbal sessions were over, and she didn't want to do that with anyone else. It was then that it dawned on me that Alice had a thing for Mary. I'll admit, I was pretty upset. I felt slighted, but after a talk with my partner, I realized that, in the end, it's just a game, and if both parties are willing, it was fine. As long as things didn't start getting unfair. Things started getting unfair. The sessions became the two of them speaking about 80% of the time. The paladin actually tunes out the game unless he's being spoken to directly. The barbarian left the game because she wasn't getting to speak ever, and myself and the warlock mostly just interject when we can. The warlock went to the city she was from, and she also didn't get a solo session, and actually had to ask questions out loud whenever anyone asked her a question. Like "I don't know Alice, DO I know that??" So far, Mary has had: + A two week solo session complete with an all new cast of characters the DM admits the rest of us will never meet + a month-long solo session for her second character complete with fleshed out politics, a full cast of NPCs that we only met like three of + Her first character is the only one who can get us out of certain situations. + Her second character just happened to study the exact thing that we're looking for, in a world where no one else knows anything about it, not even the characters, and she's like 17 so she's really really smart. + Pages on pages of information(she complained once the DM gave her 14 pages of back story about the city we were in. When we went to the city I was from, I got half-sentences as we went along and no solo sessions) + Only she has the solutions for very specific puzzles Alice crafts that need a spell only Mary has. You might be thinking, "Okay so what has Mary done?" Well. We were in a city full of creatures none of us knew about, not even the paladin, who was from this area, but he was the only one who could speak Infernal, so he was our translator. Alice still posited every question to Mary. "What's Mary doing? What's she feeling? What's her reaction?" and finally, Mary said "I'm tired of being the one who has to do everything!" Alice said "Fair enough," and had the paladin deal with things.After about fifteen minutes of them going back and forth, Mary finally pipes up. "Well, I'm just going to go to bed if I'm not doing anything," and leaves the call. It was about 6 pm. Not bed time at all. Alice says she'll see what's up and leave the call. We wait, and ten minutes later, Alice pops back in. "Yeah, she's tired and if she's not doing anything, she feels like she's wasting time. She's gonna cool off, then come back." We were like "Okay?" After that, any time Mary wasn't in the spotlight, she'd leave the call, saying she was wasting time. "Call me when it's my turn." The rest of us were pretty damn patient when it came to her and Alice, so this infuriates me. It's an ongoing thing. Any time Alice tries to deviate from her, she throws a tantrum for "wasting her time" and Alice has to go and get her. This isn't even mentioning the weird comments they make towards one another during the game. Alice has tried to get Mary to be her Little(dd/Lg dynamic) and Mary isn't interested in that. She's got a boyfriend. Her boyfriend doesn't mind the smut, but the dynamic is a no. And I know this because our characters were talking at the breakfast table and Alice all of a sudden started talking about it out of nowhere. Mary said "Can we talk about this afterwards? Our characters were talking." Alice said "Oh, right," and they went back to the two of them RPing. I've put up with DMs showing favoritism before, but this is the longest campaign I've ever been in. I had no idea it got worse. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **bingseoya** >how old is Alice and how old is Mary? You mentioned someone (unsure if it was actually the character or the player) was 17 and i just... don’t know. it feels creepy that a possibly legal adult is roleplaying smut with a possible minor, or wants to bang a minor. **OOP replied** >>Alice is 30 and Mary is 23. Mary's character is 17 **OOP ON IF THEY CALLED ALICE OUT** >We make comments all the time. "Now isn't the time to flirt, can we move on?" and "Yes, we know, you wanna bang her, what's my stealth roll result?" and the ever-popular "For the love of fucking god, can y'all do this later??" >Mary has told me herself she know Alice has a thing for her. We had an ooc discussion when Mary got with her boyfriend that she was afraid Alice wouldn't want to be her friend any more. And Alice asked us once "Am I paying too much attention to Mary?" and we all said "Yeah kinda." >I'm usually way more blunt about things, and I have no idea what's holding me back. We've been playing for almost a year and when this isn't happening, it's a great campaign. We have great moments and the party was pretty cohesive until Mary's new character came along, who for some reason hates the warlock. Now if no one listens to her new character, she leaves the call. [Update](https://reddit.com/r/rpghorrorstories/s/HWk0jLtKUI) **Nov 4, 2020** Okay, now that things have cooled down a bit, here's an update to my previous post. So, one thing I failed to mention during my last story is we are all in the same area roundabout, so we're doing discord calls because of COVID. Mary did not feel comfortable with us knowing where she lived quite yet, since she lives with her younger siblings and parents. We met at Alice's place usually, or my place. This is important. To pick up where I left off, Mary had started getting really testy during discord calls, and giving us whiplash. I asked the warlock if they noticed the same thing, and they did. I wasn't completely nuts. I confided in them that I felt a little upset that Mary was getting so much attention, and Alice was neglecting the rest of us a bit. They agreed and we ended the conversation with some inane chatter about unrelated things. The very next day was a session, and everything seemed mostly fine. Mary was in a good mood, Alice wasn't being overly flirty with her, and we were continuing our mission. We begin, and the first thing out of Alice's mouth is "Since someone seems to think that I talk to Mary too much, how about we talk to the paladin?" So...they fucking snitched. Things got a little more tense after that. my characters were coming up empty on rolls from 18's to nat 20's, where, as usual, Mary was gleaning a ton of information at 11's and 12's. After posting this story and speaking to my partner, I decided that I should leave the campaign. Now, contrary to what I said before, my character was actually pretty entwined in the story, and I wanted a clean break for everyone else. So I made a plan to speak with Alice about things, to tell her why I was leaving and to work things out without killing my character(since killing my character would essentially kill the mission, with the way she made player deaths work) Before I could talk to Alice, I got a long, and I mean a very long text message from Mary essentially saying she was tired of the way Alice had been not only treating her, but her friends, and she was cutting her out of her life. She wanted to stay friends with the rest of the D&D group, but she was leaving the campaign because Alice had begun making her incredibly uncomfortable and nothing she did was shaking her off her trail. She noted that Alice was focusing on her in a major way, and had tried to point out to Alice that what she was doing wasn't fair. When that didn't work, she started being bratty during games to show Alice that she wasn't all that great. I was like, "Alright." I told her that I did want to stay friends, and found out some extra shit that Alice was doing. Long story short, she was being racist, transphobic(she told me that she didn't agree with my identity but she'd "overlook it.") she was spamming Mary with messages constantly while she was sleeping, and kept telling Mary that she was going to find her house and come kidnap her, kidnap her younger siblings so she'd have to see her, she was going to schmooze her parents into inviting her over to dinner, a bunch of weird shit. Any time Mary wanted to hang out with someone else, Alice would get jealous and make Mary feel bad for "leading her on" and "being a tease" and "not giving her a chance." Mary never said anything about this because she didn't want to rock the boat and break up the D&D game. That was a running theme with the group, actually. Turns out, none of us actually liked Alice, we were just under the impression that each of us was a package deal and if we cut Alice out of our lives, then the rest would also get cut out. So all of us stayed quiet and silently put up with everything she was doing. Despite everything, we were mostly enjoying the game, but for Mary, the breaking point had arrived. So, happily, we all cut Alice out of our lives. Things were fine, at least for the first few days. First, we started getting phone calls. The warlock was the only one to answer, and she was given this sob story about how Alice was just in love, she loved deeply, passionately. Alice made her promise that no matter what happened, she wouldn't block her and would stay friends with her. The warlock promised, hung up, then blocked her number. I also received a call, but didn't answer. I've been through weird shit enough, I don't need more manipulative people in my life. The paladin and barbarian(who, remember, was no longer in the campaign) also got phone calls, but they didn't answer either and blocked her number. I don't know what possessed her to do this, but she drove to my house and banged on my door. I live in an apartment complex, so she got an angry neighbor cussing her out while she yelled at my door, finally leaving when he told her off. I sent out a message to our group chat that she came to my house, and Mary said she was going to go stay with someone for a week. No one else got a visit knowingly from Alice. I've started my own campaign, and so far the rest of the group seems to be having fun. It's been a couple of weeks, and nobody has heard from Alice. I sincerely hope we never do. I don't know if I can trust anyone to DM for me again. I've got another game I'm in, and the DM is really good, but I feel like he's the exception rather than the rule. **RELEVANT COMMENT FROM OOP** [Here](https://reddit.com/r/rpghorrorstories/s/I4Rni3tsVB) We haven't really heard anything else from Alice. If she tries to pull anything else, we can get the cops involved, but we don't have any proof of any stalking. Mary is doing better, I know she just wants to put everything behind her. I think she's planning on moving once COVID is done **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

DM wants to bang a player, who is also a problem

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16zcwv7/dm_wants_to_bang_a_player_who_is_also_a_problem/

16zd7b9

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Friendly-Fox-4575](https://www.reddit.com/user/Friendly-Fox-4575/). She posted in r/offmychest **Mood Spoiler:** >!looking positive!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/16kepf1/my_husband_deserted_me_without_a_word/)**: September 16, 2023** I'm still reeling from this and just need to vent. My (48F) husband (50M) and I have been homeless for about a year after he was fired from his job but staying in motels. I do work online and have been able to keep a roof over our heads. He hasn't worked in a year. So on Tuesday, when he said he had a job interview, I was excited. He walked since the truck broke down and was sold. He said he needed both phones for numbers, so I gave it to him not thinking anything about it, especially since I could still get in touch with him with Text now. After about an hour, he texted me and said he got the job and just had to fill out paperwork and get his drug test and would only be a couple of hours. Then I saw 3 expenses on the bank card in the county over and knew something wasn't right. Those couple of hours turned into that night, the next morning. He not only wasn't answering my texts or calls, but he blocked me completely. He had both phones, both bank account cards, and my valid ID. Before I had a chance to cancel the cards because it was my money on there, he had pretty much wiped out the account. I still had a few days left at the motel, so called around. My dog, cat, and I are safe at the moment, and I opened new bank accounts but have to wait on the cards to arrive. But, we can't stay here forever. I'm hoping the card arrives soon and I can get my ID done so we can get back into a motel, which is the only option at the moment until I can build up enough money for rent deposit, etc. and find a cheap apartment or house. I do have a paycheck coming Thursday, though I'm not sure what to do after Monday when I can no longer stay where I am. As far as I know, my husband is with another woman. He contacted his brother just long enough to say he was safe but wouldn't give an answer why. We've been married for 9 years but started dating back in 1988. We weren't arguing and I thought everything was fine. Not a word, and I'm just devastated. I just can't fathom why he just left me and our pets like that with no access to money and tried to clean it completely out, a vehicle, or even a live phone. He knew that most likely we would be out on the streets, but luckily, we did find a temporary haven for a few days. I guess he just found a piece of ass he wanted more than someone who supported him and was loyal through these bad times. I figure he found another woman with more money or something who could take care of him like I did. Anyway, thank you for letting me vent. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Do you have family or friends to help you?* "Not really. All of my family are deceased, and the one person I could call is helping me right now but can't stay for more than a couple of days. We've had to move so many times because he couldn't keep a job or wanted to try someplace new, I think I became really isolated from everyone. I thought another friend was going to help, but they said they thought about it and didn't want any drama at their house if he decided to show up, which I can't blame them. It's pretty much just me, the dog, and the cat." *Many people tell OOP that he doesn't deserve her and that he's a POS:* "Thank you. I've been thinking a lot the past few days and have started to think/realize he was using me to support him. I lost one writing job last month and just started another one this month. I guess he didn't think I'd be able to support him. He left before he knew that I'm actually going to be making more money than before. I just have to wait until the first pay on Thursday." *Check your accounts to make sure he can't access:* "I canceled the cards and signed up for a new account in just my name and changed my direct deposit. If he thinks he's going to get any more of my money after what he did, he's delusional." *Does he have a drug problem? Also hotels can get expensive.* "No, he doesn't have a drug problem. But his new Facebook profile he made yesterday just came across my recommendations. I'm leaving it for now so he doesn't block me before I can contact a lawyer. I do see where he is and who he's with, and now it's starting to at least make some sense. Yeah, they are super expensive. I was trying to save up but that got wiped. With just me and without someone who likes to spend whatever money he gets right away, I should be able to save up in no time. ETA: He loves people when they can give him things but as soon as they question him or can't be of use, he disposes of them. I thought I was immune to that. Guess not." *A heavily downvoted commenter asks how she possibly could have no savings after being together 35 years:* "I have a job, he didn't. I've had the same job for 14 years. And I have taken care of us waiting for him to find another job. We had savings but when he got fired we went through a lot of it pretty quick. I don't need to stay at a shelter. After I get my paycheck Thursday to recoup some of what he cleaned out I'll be fine and my pets will be fine. It's just getting through the next few days. Then I'll be better than ever." *Have you been MARRIED 35 years?* "Off and on since 1988 but got married 9 years ago." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/16mzotd/update_my_husband_deserted_me_without_a_word/) **1: September 19, 2023 (3 days later)** First of all, I would like to thank you for everyone's kind words of encouragement and advice. I'm sorry I wasn't able to respond to everyone. Myself and my pets are still safe. My new bank cards should be coming in today or tomorrow. With my paycheck on Thursday, I get to move into a studio apartment I found! It's small but bigger than a motel room and has a kitchen. They allow pets and even have a little fenced-in dog play area. I'm still working to beef up my paycheck for the deposits and food. After I get settled in, I do have an appointment with legal aid counseling for the area. So, things are definitely looking up, and I really feel like I've got this and can take care of myself. Where I work has announced that there will be a huge increase in work available and should continue through the next year. And if it even tries to contact me, I'm not buying anything he says especially if he tries to weasel his way back in. He can talk to my lawyer. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Be free of that dead weight:* "Thank you. I've lost 10 pounds in the last week, but I feel like I'm even lighter with the additional 220 pounds I lost. lol" *Still no word from him?* "Nope, not a word, and it's been a week. At this point, I don't even want to hear from him. Knowing him, he may try to contact me within a few weeks and say he deserves to explain himself. You know, after his side piece or whoever he's with finds out who he really is. And, I'll tell him I and the cat and dog deserved to not be put in the situation he put me in but whatcha going to do? He deserves nothing." *Make sure he can't find you:* "Yeah. Someone suggested maybe getting a PO box. I'll ask the lawyer about it when I speak to them next week." *Hopefully his family is not supporting his bad behavior:* "The family members I've spoken to have completely cut him off. They said they had hoped he would grow up, but they find this situation disgusting and they won't give him any help if he comes asking." *Can you go to the police and charge him with theft of the money in your account?* "Unfortunately, it was a joint account. I did contact the police but they said since his name is on the account, it is a civil matter. So, it's something I'll have to talk about when I speak with the lawyer. I have all documentation showing that the only deposits were coming from my paycheck, so hopefully, I'll be able to get at least half back." "I have direct deposit information for the accounts showing where the money came from and screenshots of his last transactions." **Bonus Post: Pet Tax** [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/CatsWithDogs/comments/16nnna4/naptime_for_two_best_friends/) **(September 20, 2023)** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/16s44qq/update_2_my_husband_deserted_me_without_a_word/) **2: September 25, 2023 (6 days from last post)** I just wanted to give another, and hopefully, final update. I still haven't heard from him, but I don't want to, and the lawyer I speak with on Thursday can take over tracking him down. I and the furballs are in our new apartment, safe and sound! It took a lot of hard work and every penny I had from my paycheck, but we made it! I still need to get furniture, but we have a roof, and that's a great start. We're going to be all right, I know it. And, even though I need time to know and love myself again and heal, it was kind of a confidence boost to be flirted with by a couple of the neighbors. lol Thank you for all of your support, love, and kindness through these past couple of weeks! ***Relevant Comments:*** *How she feels now:* "Thank you! I have noticed that I am starting to feel happier than I have for a while. Now that the drama has died down, I'm enjoying the peace!" "Thank you! It was hard to push through, but since I didn't have to worry about him, everything seemed to fall into place. All this time, I thought it was my fault for not making enough to get us into a place. Found out, it wasn't." *Make sure you file for legal separation:* "I meet with the lawyer on Thursday so will probably cover that then. The first step was to get into a stable place. The next step is to see what all I need to do legally." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/16us66j/last_update_my_husband_deserted_me_without_a_word/) **3: September 28, 2023 (8 days later)** I thought that the last post would be my last update, but I know many people were concerned about me seeing a lawyer, which I did today. The retainer won't be too bad, but it will need to wait until next week for payday. But, it's the beginning of the next step. And, I did hear from him! I received a short email, which was the only way he knew how to get in touch, which just said, "Sorry. How are you?" It took a lot out of me not to respond because there is still a lot of hurt and grief I'm processing. But, I'm proud to say that I just sent a message back with the number of the law office I was going to, then created a filter to send future messages to the trash. It hurt, but it felt good at the same time. I truly want to say thank you for all of your kindness and support during this time. I have had several people reach out and messaged me to share similar experiences, and it breaks my heart to know that this has happened to so many other women and men. EDIT: After a few people mentioned it, I did create a folder for any of his messages to filter into so that I can keep and forward them to the lawyer. At the moment, I didn't even think about that. Thanks for the advice!

My husband deserted me without a word

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16zd7b9/my_husband_deserted_me_without_a_word/

16zdejz

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Affectionate-Term233](https://www.reddit.com/user/Affectionate-Term233/). She posted in r/AITAH **Trigger Warning:** >!emotional infidelity, cancer, overall low self-esteem!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!sad- seriously sad. But with a glimmer of hope!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16o1u5b/aitah_for_gleefully_telling_people_that_i_was/)**: September 20, 2023** I (34F) have always been a “filler” person. My parents each had a child they obviously favored. My mother favored my younger sister, my father my younger brother. I am the friend that is ignored in a group. I am the employee whose birthday is forgotten. I’m the person who doesn’t get dates. I’ve gotten used to it. As a result of being this agreeable, filler, boring person, I think the people around me don’t realize that I’m a real person who has needs like everyone else. The prime example was when I said that my chest hurt and I coughed all the time. the people I spoke to (and I know only a few people) said that it was not a big deal and that I’d be fine. I’d never complained before so I should be fine. I took that to heart and wondered if I really should have told people that I didn’t feel well and wondered if I was making it up in my head. It took me a long time to actually tell the doctor my symptoms because I thought i was overreacting but I had to get checked out. Well, it turns out that there was something wrong with me. I have stage 2 nsclc. **(editor's note- lung cancer)** I’m still independent and handling this alone. I drive myself to and from appointments, I pick up my my mediation, I reason with doctors and insurance. I haven’t slacked in housework or at work. In fact, I’ve worked even harder. Today at work, I told my friend I couldn’t help her move as a favor because I had a medical appointment that day. She pressed me for more details and I just said that I have treatment for nsclc. I didn’t want to give more information than that. My husband complained that I told her the information gleefully as if I’m happy about the news. I told him I’m happy to be diagnosed because it’s proof for myself that I’m human with needs like everyone else. I wasn’t crazy. He said I shouldn’t act like this. My husband has been unstable and touchy about random things this year, so I don’t know if he has a point. AITAH? **Edit to the same post: (Same Day)** I’m in therapy. My therapist and I are working through things and she’s been very helpful. I feel somewhere between a filler person and an automation. Filler people aren’t real, they don’t have complexities in life and they exist solely to make others shine. Machines don’t get sick. The diagnosis was something that was concrete. I exist, I’m a person, I’m not crazy and it’s not in my head. I don’t want attention from others. I cried and felt relief in the same moment. Thanks to the comments, I think I I know why my husband has been unstable and touchy. The beginning of this year, the love of his life got into a car accident and broke her femur. She survived and is healthy now. I think that could be part of what’s concerning him. My illness is a reminder that she could have died and she could still die and life is unpredictable that way. I alone wouldn’t inspire such emotion in my husband. The comments made me realize that my husband likely felt helpless at the concept of death. I traced back when he started to become touchy and moody and realized it was when she got into that car accident. My husband has asked to help. But there’s nothing for him to do. I have taken care of everything so far and will continue to do so. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Ummm you buried the lede with that "my husband's love of his life got in a car accident" statement:* "The love of his life, my husband’s first love, the one that got away, whatever you want to call it. They were childhood friends. They dated and broke up when my husband was young. She’s a passionate person that wanted to live a passionate life. My husband never got over her and blames himself for losing her. I met him shortly after he broke up with her. We dated for 2 years. Through bits and pieces I’ve realized how much she means to him. He was an hour late to our wedding. I found out later that his father had to talk him out of leaving me at the altar. It would embarrass his family. He had doubts because of her. I mentioned her once and he snapped at me to never mention her name again. He looks her up constantly as she frequently posts on social media. They remain tangentially connected. He is always interested in news of her. He loves her deeply still, I know. She got into a car accident earlier this year and broke her leg, her femur specifically. I didn’t think to connect his moodiness and general upset with that until now. She could’ve died in the crash. My illness is a reminder to him of how fragile life is and that she could’ve died and she could still die purely due to chance." *You are the main character in your own life:* "It’s funny because when I’m alone I feel normal and when I’m amongst strangers and acquaintances I feel normal but when I’m with anyone else I actually know, I’ve already been relegated to the background." "My therapist said that my lack of emotional demands or what she calls “reciprocal emotion or behavior” means that I attract those who don’t care to reciprocate. We’ve touched on it but we haven’t worked through this yet (lot of other things to tackle.)." *If he's offering, let him help you:* "I genuinely can’t think of anything for him to help with. It just so happens that I’m good with planning and executing tasks, so I have a handle on things. On the flip side I’m not creative or imaginative." "I know I’m being blasé but it’s not as if I’m hiding how I truly feel. It’s unfortunate that I have an illness but I don’t feel upset or scared. What happens will happen. I don’t know what my husband could help with. I’ve handled everything. I’ve even set up plans in case I do get hospitalized. I don’t think I’ve relegated my husband to the sidelines. I made a ton of dumplings and other food and stored them in the freezer so that if I’m hospitalized he’ll eat something nutritious instead of takeout. (He can cook, he just doesn’t like it and won’t do it unless he had to). I have always centered people around me. Maybe that’s why I feel like filler." ***There is no consensus bot on AITAH, but reactions were mostly NTA with some YTA for how you treat yourself*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16uy597/update_aitah_for_gleefully_telling_people_of_my/)**: September 28, 2023 (8 days later)** The past week has been a rollercoaster of emotion for me. My therapist had suggested that I write my thoughts and emotions in a journal but I always convinced myself there wasn’t enough time in a day. Writing that post made me realize that I was dealing with a lot of emotions that I suppressed. I did resent the people in my life who just took and took without giving back. I had told nobody besides my therapist about how much I feel like a ghost of a person and how I pushed things down and NEVER complained. So I spent hours writing down my thoughts in a diary. I realized that I needed to be more honest and stop tiptoeing around people to make them comfortable I told my husband that I knew about his past with his ex girlfriend. I knew that they had unresolved feelings and he needed closure about her and their relationship. He kept checking her social media throughout the years but it intensified this year after she was in the car accident. He was shocked that I knew. I encouraged him to reach out and get that closure he wanted. We had a good conversation. He hugged me and reached out to her pretty much immediately. I think he was waiting for that push from someone. He was so happy after the conversations they had, he was glowing. She’s apparently coming to our city in a month and they’ll meet in person. He’s been more affectionate and genuinely lighter like there’s a weight off his chest. I went through the motions of life. I started ignoring calls from my parents. I didn’t want to help out anymore. I was too tired. My mom called and said I was being arrogant and moving away from family before asking me to help with something. I didn’t reach out to my friends. I have only a few and we would text every day. I realized we texted because I always reached out. I told someone else about my diagnosis. My neighbor Nancy is a woman in her late seventies. She’s one of the few people I feel seen by. She cares about me and if I had told her about my health issues she would have told me to go to the ER. I know why I didn’t tell her but I wonder why I hope for care from people who have demonstrated no care for me instead of those that do. She was so worried for me. We had planned a fun day trip to see a flower festival next spring. I drove home on my first week of the second cycle and for the first time I was exhausted. I had to pull over and rest for an hour before I felt well enough to finish driving home. I was so exhausted I didn’t want to move and I sat on my driveway. It hit me then that I didn’t have “nsclc stage 2a”. I had lung cancer. I could die. I just started sobbing. All I could think of was the stupid flower festival. I haven’t lived my life. I love my husband, my family, my friends. But I don’t want to be married to him, I don’t want to cater to my family, and I’m tired of my friends. I want to live. I want to be well enough to drive and see the flower festival with Nancy. It’s only been a week and half of change and my emotions have gone from low to really high and back low. I’ve been dreaming of my life after I beat cancer and leave my husband and friends. I don’t even know if I can stick with it but I am determined to be strong. My therapist says change from within can start small or big. She’s proud of me and thinks I can get through this.

AITAH for “gleefully” telling people that I was diagnosed with an illness after they dismissed me?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16zdejz/aitah_for_gleefully_telling_people_that_i_was/

16zdokz

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Big\_divorce\_9546](https://www.reddit.com/user/Big_divorce_9546/). She posted in r/TrueOffMyChest **Trigger Warning:** >!infidelity!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!sad & frustrating, but a decision is made!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/16tnf25/in_12_hours_i_will_get_the_answer_divorce_or_open/)**: September 27, 2023** I gave him an ultimatum. Either an open marriage or divorce. I caught my husband of 12 years cheating on me. I do know the girl because she is a part time cashier at the local grocery store. He has been spending a lot of money on her. I got the proof and confronted his ass. He did what most cheaters do. Deny and gaslight. When he couldn't make up more lies he finally caved and started with his big man tears of "don't leave me baby", "I swear I will change". I gave him options. Either we open our marriage, and keep our home and keep our children and they will grow up in a house and not shift every weekend, you can keep your side chicks as long as you do not bring them into our home, we will have set of rules and boundaries. I laid out all the boundaries and conditions: 1)He cannot spend money from our joint account, he can spend money from his personal expenses however, in case of emergency, he will put his family above his side chicks. 2) Never bring them home or into our space where we have our kids. 3) No family members or friends. 4) Always use protection and regular STD checkups. 5) We will tell each other about the dates and when are we going, who are we with. We do not have to share pictures of our partners. 6) If he gets a woman pregnant, it's the end and if I get pregnant by another man, I will either get an abortion or put the kid to adoption or if the father agrees he can keep the baby and I will sign away my rights and yes he is more than welcome to divorce me and I will not push him for child support for another man's child. Or, we will get a divorce. We will split everything evenly, the house is in my name so, I will keep the house. We will only contact through parenting app. No bad mouthing to our kids. If our kids want to know the truth later in life we will tell them. We will have a healthy co-parenting relationship. He can have as many girlfriends as he wants but he shouldn't force our children to accept them. It's for our kids to decide. I gave him 48 hours. 12 hours is left. We will see what he decides. If he cannot then I will make the decision for both of us. My decision is divorce. ***Relevant Comments:*** *This just sounds like revenge:* "Because I am an idiot. This is not the first time he cheated. I forgave him. I found sexting and he blamed it on his sex addiction and I forgave him because we had children. Even now he blamed it on me that I do not give him sex. I mean he is a bum and doesn't do his part of chores. Always complains. So, I gave him what he wants, he wants to have sex with multiple woman I am giving him that under my condition, so that he cannot blame it on me that I never did anything on the sex part. Knowing him I know he will not decide it. I have to take this decision for us. Like I always do." *Just divorce, don't do this open marriage option because he won't stick to it:* "You really think he will agree to the open marriage? I am already checked out. I am just giving him a choice so that later he doesn't say I didn't try to make it work or deprived him of sex. He was literally crying and hyperventilating when I brought up the divorce first. He wanted me to give him another chance. I gave him under my condition. He said he will do anything I ask for" *But it's a cheater's dream scenario:* "Yes, but on the other hand, he will also have to face the fact that his wife is sleeping with other people. You think if he agrees to an open marriage I will stay at home wait for him? No, I will look into fun outside my marriage. If it was really beneficial for him, he would have said yes when I brought it up. He is still texting me wanting to talk and saying this is not the way. And my most favorite line of all "we will go to church". As if that's going to help." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/Big_divorce_9546/comments/16u77ur/update_i_choose_divorce/)**: September 28, 2023 (Next Day)** **Title:** Update. I choose divorce Well, I gave the verdict before 12 hours was up because I knew he will not choose any of the option and rather gaslight me. I gave him 48 hours, he couldn't decide. He still wanted to talk. And see if we can work things out. I told him to pack his stuff and get out. He begged and pleaded. I stood firm. He said if several couples make it work and what not but I am not a doormat who will waste several years of her life building a foundation that was already broken. I have contacted my lawyer. I will serve him within this week. I already had the divorce papers ready but I didn't serve him because I gave him the option of what it is going to be. Soon, our family will know. And I will not hear anyone who says to give him a chance. I did and he failed. I don't believe in cheating makes relationship stronger crap like that one guy in my comments told me. I know I cannot even look at him the same way. I am done being weak and making excuses for him. That's it. I am siting in my empty house. My kids are with my mother. I don't know where he is or what he is doing. I guess I knew this would have been the ultimate fate of my marriage even if we choose open relationship. But I guess I didn't want my kids to come from a broken home. But then again my kids would have lost it anyways. My mother forgave my dad and he never cheated but I knew that in the back of her mind she still had suspicion that my dad was cheating. She never fully trusted him. No matter how much she said they are ok and after the incident their love was stronger, no matter how much she was praised for being a strong woman for giving her husband a second chance, I knew she wasn't fully trusting my father. He didn't know it but people around them knew. And she sighed a relief when he died. It just meant she doesn't have to pretend anymore. Sorry, I am just rambling. I am a mess right not. I am just coping by posting on reddit and talking to internet strangers. The point is I don't want to live like my mother worrying where he is, if he is really going to work or not. Being a cell guard in my own marriage. I won't lie when I told him I will get a divorce, I felt lighter, as if a weight as been lifted. Thanks people. ***Relevant Comments:*** *About his previous cheating:* "7 years ago. We went to therapy and worked things out. He was a loving husband and what not. But soon he feel into his usual pattern.""I gave him a chance because my own mother gave my dad a chance and their marriage stayed till my dad died (I doubt she ever fully trusted him or loved him the same). I thought I could make it work as well.🤷‍♀️" *OOP's epic response to someone who blamed her for her husband cheating: (not necessary for the story, but well written and requested to be added)* There is so many things wrong with your comment. It will take a minute. First of all the fact that you put sex and food on the same line is wrong. Starving someone is literally a crime. You are murdering that person. How is not having sex murdering that person? In which state it is a crime?Secondly, I had sex with him. It was not an issue. I saw how he threw tantrums like a kid when I rejected. The first time he cheated I forgave and was more active in sex. But the amount of orgasmless sex or as I call it sandpaper sex I had to endure was mind boggling. Should I have cheated? So every woman who has not been satisfied for their husband should have cheated. I mean you did say people who do not get food at home will look outside. But if that happens you will not blame the man for "ruining" the marriage by not satisfyingly their wives. You will blame the woman for being selfish.Also guys always complain about their wives do not have sex. Have you ever asked the wives why? Are they ill? Are their emotional needs being met? I was a mom who worked and came home and did every chore, cooked, cleaned helped with the kids. He did his part but I was doing most of it. Do you guys ever stop and think that maybe she is exhausted that's why she is not having sex? Do you guys even care about a woman's pleasure? Most women have a normal libido. If you guys kill it by not romancing them, or fulfilling their emotional needs, they will resent you. They will not see the sex as something pleasurable but rather a chore. That's why women feel like they are maid.You guys want sex on demand. Do not care that you have to ease a woman into it. You guys do not want wives. You just want a live in sex worker. This is why men leave their wives when they are terminally ill or have sickness. Because they are not having sex or meeting your demands. That's how I was treated and took it as an act of love. Trust me, it is not a woman's libido that ends a marriage. It's man's lack of patience, effort and the ability to control his d!ck.Also you say a woman ruins a relationship with her low libido. Trust me if a woman has a lower libido she will tell you before getting married or you will see the sigh. But you guys insist on these women being your partner so much. Because idk guys think their magic stick will turn women into Mia Khalifa. **Edit- OOP updated today October 4 on a different sub. Text is below. (That sub doesn't always like crossposting, so I'm not linking it here.)** I discovered my husband was cheating on me few months ago. It took me some time to gather evidence and get all my things align along with the divorce lawyer. He cheated on me 7 years ago while I was pregnant. I forgave him, we tried to make it work. Things were almost fine. I know things will not be the same as it used to be but it was good. The second time, I caught him I was 100% done. I tried everything and sacrificed a lot and it was all in vain. I confronted him 10 days ago and he did what all cheaters do. Deny, manipulate and gaslight. He moved out of our house and is living with his parents. He has been calling nonstop. His last message he told me he broke up with his AP. But honestly what is the point now? His mother called and said she was sorry and asked if there is a way I can forgive him and try to work things out. I told her absolutely not. I already gave him a chance and he blew it. She was upset but didn't push the matter. The kids are staying with my mom and step-dad. I have been in contact with my lawyer. I did cry the first day when he moved out. But haven't cried since. I went to the mall, got some good quality makeup. Went to the gym, went to the library to read in peace. I did make an appointment with my therapist. But mostly, I have been binge watching shows like criminal minds, Law and Order. I don't know why. I should feel sad but I do not feel sad at all. Can someone explain this to me.

In 12 hours I will get the answer, divorce or open marriage

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16zdokz/in_12_hours_i_will_get_the_answer_divorce_or_open/

16zx782

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Throwaway_Ian_ **in** r/TrueOffMyChest **and** r/NoStupidQuestions **\*\*There are additional updates from 5th October 2023 at the end.\*\*** &#x200B; trigger warnings: >!forced sexual act/sexual assault, trauma response, mention of sexual acts!< mood spoilers: >!happy for OOP!< Thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU. &#x200B; [**AITH for dumping my gf hating oral**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16l47xm/aith_for_dumping_my_gf_hating_oral/?share_id=2O_E1417J1UVAUlxfVBdT&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) **- 17th September 2023** At the risk of being called insensitive, here's the situation: I (M, 40) met my girlfriend, Nicole (F, 39), 1.5 years ago. When we first met, we decided to take things slow because I wanted to genuinely get to know her before becoming intimate. We didn't even kiss until our third date and only became intimate after 3.5 months. We both have good jobs and enjoy each other’s company. She is talking about moving in with me and have a future with me Here's the issue: Nicole has expressed that she doesn't enjoy giving oral sex. She mentioned having a traumatic experience in high school (20 years ago when her boyfriend forced her), which has made her hesitant and in need of time to feel comfortable. I've always respected her boundaries. In the meantime, I've been happy to perform oral sex on her, and she enjoys it ! On our anniversary, I asked if she would be willing to give it a try again, and she reluctantly agreed. However, just seconds later, she changed her mind and stated that it still grossed her out. I asked if I had done anything wrong, and she assured me that I hadn't. It's just the concept itself that bothers her. Am I wrong for considering ending my relationship over this? I don't want to give her an ultimatum or force her into anything she's uncomfortable with. ETA: I have respected her boundaries . She was a firm no on anal and I accepted . As for oral she said she needed time . I accepted it . Now she says the whole concept grosses her out . I asked is it the texture , taste ? So I make sure I don’t finish in her mouth , she said nope to the whole thing ETA : I have suggested talking to a therapist ( both of us ) but she got furious so I stopped &#x200B; **Comments** *If that matters to you, and many people like to give and receive oral sex, then it's perfectly in your rights to end a relationship with someone who you feel you're not sexually compatible with.* *Just be kind and patient about it either way. Maybe you can see a sex therapist together so you can work collaboratively on sexual communication and supporting each other?* &#x200B; **General judgement is NAH** *NAH you're not sexually compatible. There's nothing wrong with that.*   [**Update : AITH for dumping my gf who hates giving oral**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16luilm/update_aith_for_dumping_my_gf_who_hates_giving/?share_id=AJtR8Pe1G7uPDHIwRAXhu&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) **- 18th September 2023** I'm at the end of my rope here! It seems like everything I do is wrong. This morning, I had a chat with Nicole. I apologized to her and said I was being clueless and dumb. I thought you didn't care about me and got upset. In reality, it was me who was insensitive. You've been through trauma, and I was literally recreating the scene and was offended when you rejected it. I was an idiot. I’m very very sorry . I'm going to see our GP to refer me to a therapist because I feel like I'm pretty clueless about trauma, and I don't want to trigger you or hurt you without knowing. She started crying and screaming, saying, 'Can't you just let it go? Why is it a big deal for you? Why are you making a big deal and telling on me to the doctor?' I tried to explain that I just want to work on myself so I don't hurt her again. She told me to get the fuck out, so I just left for work. I'm in my car now, wondering what the fuck did I do this time wrong. Am I the a\*\*hole for bringing up the topic and apologizing? Should I have just let it go? ETA : oh dear god ! Do you really think I was planning to see a therapist ( pay out of pocket ) to change Nicole’s mind so she gets guilt tripped in performing something that she hates ? No therapist in the right mind would agree ! So unethical! Therapist would laugh at me and would have kick me in the balls ! I have never been through a traumatic event or even been so close to someone who has ! I know I’m privileged . I just wanted to show her I made a mistake . Im on her side and wanna learn . Seriously! I can’t be the only one who is clueless ETA : she broke up with me . She said her priorities are getting married , having kids and I’m obsessed over blow job . She started screaming and said she never wanna hear from me . I apologized again and ask if I can I at least get a chance to explain ? She said no and hung up &#x200B; **Comments** *Yes and hopefully her next partner isn’t so concerned with getting his dick sucked he has to turn to Reddit multiple times for backup! A blowjob is not a necessity of life. Porn is really doing a number to people’s expectations.* >I’m convinced people here who claim oral is gross never been eaten or sucked well because it’s amazing &#x200B; *Not everybody likes blow jobs, not everybody wants to give blow jobs, both are fine, everybody can just do what they want, the problem is finding partners you’re compatible with.If you like getting pissed on, theres somebody out there who is dying to piss on you.* &#x200B; [**Did your sex life tank after getting married?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/16mtr8p/did_your_sex_life_tank_after_getting_married/) **- 19th September 2023** I recently got dumped but before that my ex was talking about getting married and have kids so I have considered it before . I’m 40. I’m in no rush but I like to get married one day . I’m hearing from married people that once you get married say goodbye to sex life or oral sec is only for dating why the hell she does that when you are married ! Is this true ? With my previous exes ( I don’t have any kids ) that we dated more than 2 years ( not the one who just dumped me ) we had great sex life but we had other issues so the relationship went south . **OOP Replies to a comment about fertility** >Omg I’m gonna die alone and childless ! Maybe I should call my ex ! &#x200B; [**Is it stupid to contact an ex from years ago ?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/16npo8s/is_it_stupid_to_contact_an_ex_from_years_ago/) **- 20th September 2023** So I’m recently got dumped . My ex from years ago , Erin, added me on Instagram a while ago . According to her posts she is single .. is it wrong to contact her ? Maybe hook up ? History : Erin and I were fwb ! Then she said she loved me so we started dating . I was never in love with her . I ended it after a while . But this is years ago. **Update** : we decided since we both had a recent break up to just be FWB at this point . We spent the whole weekend together and it was unbelievably fun &#x200B; **Comments** *I'm almost excited by how bad an idea this is.* >Update : we decided since we both had a recent break up to just be FWB at this point . We spent the whole weekend together and it was unbelievably fun &#x200B; *That's an exciting development, OP. Keep us posted as the situation deteriorates.* >Why can’t you just be happy for me , mate ! Haha . Deteriorate? She has already texted me that she had so much fun and wanna Meet me again soon to “reciprocate”. She has already reciprocated very well but I guess she wants more &#x200B; *I’d go with… hey!!! It’s a been awhile Then see what happens* >We are FWB now and both agreed on ! So much fun ! She loves doing stuff that my ex hated it &#x200B; [**I ( m40) woke up to recent my ex’s ( F39) drunk texts**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/16oghju/i_m40_woke_up_to_recent_my_exs_f39_drunk_texts/?share_id=Hf5RNeGYwhbcIKwGUcWq8&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) **- 21st September 2023** She broke up with me not even a week ago ! To say I miss her is an understatement! I act like not a big deal but everywhere in my house is a reminder of her . I stopped myself from texting or messaging her on social media . She said she hated me and never wanna hear from me again so I’m not gonna harass her ! I passed out on my couch while watching Netflix last night .in the morning , I saw so many weird texts from her that was sent around 11:30 at night . So many typos ( she normally never has any!!) and broken sentences which made me believe she was drunk . She said I wasted her time ! I’m an asshole for not even reaching out ! I’m old and dumb ( well I’m 40 she will be 40 in a few weeks). Then she said she misses me and love me ?! Wtf ! I’m confused ! Should I just ignore ? Or should I contact her asking if she is okay !? If she wanna talk ?! &#x200B; **Comments** *Definitely let sober her contact you first* >I’m not gonna lie I was so happy she texted because I miss her lol I had to stop myself so many times in the last few days not contact her &#x200B; >I blocked her on my phone ! Yet so far she has sent me 3 emails and many text messages from other numbers ! All the same things ! Telling me how awful I am how I wasted her time and stuff ending with asking me if I wanna get back together ! &#x200B; [**Do all FWB situations have a horrible ending ?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/16tr5d4/do_all_fwb_situations_have_a_horrible_ending/) **- 27th September 2023** My ex from years ago and I reconnected lately . We both just recently got dumped so we talked and decided not to jump in to the whole relationship thing. We are now good friends who have sleep over a few nights a week She is awesome and sexually very compatible. Is this too good to be true ? **Comments** *I mean, I'm married to my FWB. It started as just hookups out of loneliness, but the longer we hung out, the more things grew.* >Oh wow amazing &#x200B; *I don't know if they all end horribly, but it's obviously a doomed thing. Eventually one of you will get a bf/gf or want to move on, and the other one will be losing a thing they want to keep.* &#x200B; **\*\*New Updates added\*\*** [**How early in pregnancy can paternity test be done**](https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/170kba0/how_early_in_pregnancy_can_paternity_test_be_done/) **- 5th October 2023** My ex girlfriend informed me that she is pregnant. I asked if it’s mine and she got furious at me . She said “instead of working on yourself and thinking about getting back together and raise our baby , you are accusing me of cheating ?” If the baby is mine I will do the right thing and help her out but I have no plan of getting back together . Do I have to wait until the baby is born until I can do the test ? Can this test be done while she is pregnant? &#x200B; **Comments** *A prenatal test can be done. Noninvasive and also invasive. Talk those options over with a doctor. Given the post history it’s not far along.* *I recommend offering to get back together if shown to be the father on the test, and then just don’t get back together if shown. Gives you a few month head start on the lawyers.* >I don’t think she cheated on me?! Who knows ! Fml &#x200B; *I don’t think it’s cheating necessarily as much as she could be inventing a pregnancy to force you back into the relationship.* >How can I find out if she is honest or lying *Request that test then go to the doctor with her.* &#x200B; [**AITAH for not marrying my pregnant ex girlfriend**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/171il0d/aitah_for_not_marrying_my_pregnant_ex_girlfriend/) **- 6th October 2023** Nicole (40, F) and I (M, 40) were together for less than 2 years. She broke up with me 2.5 weeks ago. At first, she said she hated me and didn’t want to hear from me ever. I respected that and did not contact her. One night, she drunk-texted me about wasting her time and suggested getting back together. I ignored it since she was obviously drunk. Recently, she informed me that she is pregnant. I asked if the baby is mine, which made her furious. She accused me of accusing her of cheating ! . Even though she hasn’t had a doctor's appointment yet (which I told her I wanted to attend with her) she has informed my entire family that I got her pregnant and abandoned her and the baby. My Christian mom, siblings, friends, and cousins are pressuring me to propose to her. Today, she called me three times at work, suggesting meeting over the weekend with my family for a small wedding. I lost it! I don’t even know if the baby is mine, and I won’t marry someone just because of a baby. She called me an asshole and hung up and called my family again , and my entire family is mad at me. &#x200B; **Comments** *Why does your families opinion scare you? Tell them the story, then tell them to back off. You do you, getting married because of a baby is a bad idea anyway, and stability is not what just came to mind reading that. But if you are the dad, you will have to deal wth her, and bare in mind that she'll have you by the balls if your are not a prince about it. That kid is innocent so don't be a knob. As far the sub YABTA.* >My mom loved my gf when we were together. She called my mom crying and lied that she found out she was pregnant and I broke up with her and she is lonely and scared . I explained to my mom and she said Nicole is carrying your baby ! You need to marry her asap and stop making excuses &#x200B; *Yeah, tell her what actually happened, then tell her to mind her business. Unless she wants to marry the girl. Honestly this girl sounds llike she's just very emotional about this. Have the two of you even sat down and talked yet?* >I did try to calmly talk and told her I’ll be there for my baby but she got angry and said I’m pathetic and should Work on myself and marry her ! She hates me but why is she insisting on getting married **Edited for the additional updates.** **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP wonders if AITH for dumping my gf hating oral

ONGOING

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16zx782/oop_wonders_if_aith_for_dumping_my_gf_hating_oral/

16zxf2y

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Tasty-Magician4632 **in** r/TrueOffMyChest **and** r/AITAH trigger warnings: >!death, cancer, verbal/emotional abuse, physical violence, suicidal tendencies!< mood spoilers: >!sad for all!< **Thanks to** u/fallenarist0crat **for preserving the update and** u/PheMommaNon **for finding it.**  Thanks to u/Choice_Evidence1983 for finding the first part of the update, now added in. &#x200B; [**My (31F) fiancé’s (30M) ex (29F) died and my relationship is in shambles**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/14i216e/my_31f_fianc%C3%A9s_30m_ex_29f_died_and_my/) **- 24th June 2023** My fiancé (30M) and I (31F) have been together for nearly three years. We were super excited for our wedding that’s gonna take place 6 months from now. I had a hard boundary against exes in the relationship and we both agreed that. No pictures, no contact, no stories, nothing. Prior to meeting me, he was in a serious relationship for about the same time as us. However his ex (29F) one day told him she no longer loves him and they broke up. He was heartbroken and it took him months to heal. Since his ex was blocked, her mom contacted my fiancé and told him she had cancer and wanted to meet him one last time. This was a difficult decision considering my boundaries but I felt really sorry this girl was losing her life so young so I supported my fiancé’s decision to see her, but on the condition I’ll be in the same room as them. Apparently, she had developed skin cancer and doctor had drawn up a prognosis for her a few months before they broke up. The ex told both of us that she wanted him to lead a happy life with a woman who could share a life with him, and wished us well. That’s why she lied about not loving him anymore, and that she always loved him all this time. She recently died three weeks ago and my fiancé is a mess. I can’t unsee the way they both held each other’s hands, and the look of nostalgia and love in his eyes for her, as I was looking on, feeling like an outsider. It’s so difficult and hurtful to see him cry about another woman who he once loved. I literally can’t unhear things he said to his mom in the kitchen one day: “I wonder what life could have been like with her, WE could’ve been a happy family of our own. She wanted kids with me and we could’ve named her Rose like she wanted” Where does this leave me? Why am I in his life still if he’d rather be with someone else? I promised myself that I’ll only ever be with a guy for whom I am his one and only and first priority. I saw that in him before but now I don’t know. Trust me, I am not a heartless person and I would rather not put myself in any position where I’ll be consider myself a monster. But this feels incredibly complicated and extremely hurtful to feel like a third wheel in my once happy, thriving relationship. He has been reaching out to me for support and I lent a listening ear and he has been telling me so many stories from his time with her and I didn’t like one bit of this. My therapist told me while having empathy is important, I shouldn’t have to lose myself in my relationship even if circumstances are hard. Two days ago, he received a package in the mail and it was from the ex’s sister. Apparently it was a photo album from their old times that the ex wanted him to have. My fiancé held it so gently and teared up little.. and I literally broke down on the floor crying, having a panic attack. I think I almost unloaded all of what I’ve been feeling, the third wheel, the unfairness of the whole situation based on what my boundaries around exes had been, my anger at the ex for inserting herself in our lives for no good reason when both of us were literally so happy with how things were panning out regarding our wedding, questioning where his loyalties lied - and I think I did it in one of the most hurtful ways. I told him that we need to pause our wedding plans for now and wanted a week or two off to think about our relationship. I am at my sister’s place and haven’t been able to sleep or eat properly ever since. It’s almost as if I’m falling out of love with my fiancé and he has been calling me and texting me non-stop. I feel so guilty right now. He had suicidal tendencies years ago and I am afraid I might trigger that. He says his ex already died and it’s gonna break him if I left him too. “If I left him TOO?” - emphasis on the “too”, I’m just done. What the heck am I supposed to do?? TLDR: I had a boundary against exes in our relationship, but my fiancé's ex, who had cancer, wanted to meet him one last time. I agreed on the condition that I would be present. During the meeting, I saw their lingering affection and heard him express regrets about their past. Now I feel like a third wheel and question his loyalty. I've asked for a break from our wedding plans and I'm struggling with my feelings. He's been reaching out, but I'm afraid of triggering his past suicidal tendencies. I'm feeling guilty and unsure about our future.   **Comments** User1: *I mean, I have some pretty significant exes. If one of them died, I would be sad. But even if they made some deathbed confession of undying love, I would file that under interesting but sad. I would make very clear to my SO that I wasn't pining after what could have been.* >You sound like a very kind partner. I wish my fiancé thought like you do. &#x200B; User2: *It's kind of contradictory for her to break up with him so he could find happiness with someone else, only for her to confront him later with the truth which sends his mind in a tailspin and essentially damages his current relationship with the woman he was supposed to have happiness with. That's messed up. I know he's grieving right now, but hopefully he will realise how this situation looks like from your perspective. You're feeling like a third wheel when you should be his #1.* &#x200B; User 3: *Damn dude, have some sympathy. Someone he cared about left him, let him move on, called him back to tell him he never stopped loving her, died, his current girlfriend is having some issues and what to leave him and you’re painting him the villain? Maybe they will break up, maybe they won’t, maybe they need to maybe they don’t. But give the guy some props, he did everything he was supposed too and through no fault of his own is getting his shit kicked in by life.* &#x200B; [**Update: AITAH for resenting my fiancé for grieving the death of his ex?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14jbtl6/comment/jpofqnr/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **- 27th June 2023** *Post was deleted and preserved in a comment.* &#x200B; To those some of you who had the most vile things to say to me, maybe because you have the baggage of a widower or plain no relationship experience or can’t understand that human emotions are complex, your lack of awareness is showing. After the initial shock of those judgemental comments wore off, I decided it was better to completely disregard any judgement that questioned my boundaries and how I handled my feelings. There simply cannot be 3 people in this relationship and I refuse to believe otherwise. Many of you thought they could do better by teaching me about marriage vows, but all of you are forgetting that marriage vows also mean FORSAKING ALL OTHERS in mind, body and spirit. She might be not physically present, but he would be in a different headspace emotionally, a part of him permanently will belong to her memories and there’s nothing wrong with that inherently, but it’s just not for me. Some of you have different standards for partnership and that is ok, what is not ok, is shaming those that have them and pretending you are better than me and would’ve not felt hurt if you were in my shoes. I guess, on Reddit, if you can't accept downright emotionally cruel behaviour from your grieving partner, you are "insecure". Guess what, I'd rather be "insecure" than accept that my partner's heart longs for someone else. There were also some Redditors that were truly a piece of work because they assumed that my therapist was stroking my ego. Why do you assume that your opinion matters more than that of a literal professional? Lol and no, it was she who advised me to be flexible about my boundaries when I supported my ex to see his ex. But even she didn't anticipate how bad it got with the whole love confession. Everyone who says that I am jealous of a corpse or competing with a dead person, I think you're ignoring the elephant in the room. Like, these phrases don't even make sense to me. How is it even possible to be jealous of the dead? The elephant in the room is my fiance's emotional and relational fidelity - a full, 100% commitment to me and only me, which isn't possible if you are dating a freshly grieving widower or someone who is actively longing for another person that isn't + current partner. Plus, all of those people who are questioning my boundaries have no idea what they are talking about, and rather embody the pick me, unbothered non-jealous girl trope on Reddit. And maybe I made a mistake in staying in that room, but I guess also not? Because my fiancé said if I wasn't there he wouldn't have told me anyway because of how complicated it would've gotten. I guess it was the right call after all no matter how many people like to disagree. And the fact that I knew what was going on in his heart enabling me to leave confirms why I need those boundaries. Had I been firm about him not going to see her, I wouldn't have been left feeling like a divorcee. I don't have the energy to elaborate on how many fond stories I have listened to since her passing, but one thing stands. The fact that he moved on from the initial breakup only because she decided to end things, makes me feel like he's only settling for me and the only reason I am with him today is because of how he couldn't build a life with her - and that's a terrible foundation for a relationship where both partners should feel like the first choice. Him reliving what his future could've looked like has damaged any trust I've had in him beyond repair. I can't unhear things he has said and I don't think ever recover from the damage it has inflicted on both of us. Stepping outside of my situation has allowed me to see things differently and I recognised this wasn't his fault - he was experiencing grief all over again, but also it wasn't fair to me. It's frankly, not the kind of relationship I wanted which came with such a profound baggage. And you may ask why? Maybe because I do realise that I don't have to set myself on fire to keep others warm and act as if everything is fine. A lot of comments have pointed out how poorly the ex also handled the confession, which shouldn't even have taken place at all. I forgive her because think she unfairly paid for the loss of my relationship with her life and she didn't deserve that. I think her last-minute theatrics didn't end well for my relationship because life isn't a movie and there are real feelings involved. So yes, I broke up with my fiance, and it was not pretty. After calling me for the hundredth time, I finally agreed to speak with him as I had the time to think about things. Objectively, I had been feeling pretty inadequate, second fiddle and an emotional dump pretty much and it has wrecked with my sense of self. I went to our home and gave him the ring he proposed me with. I told him I don't see him in my future anymore as seeing him grieve a future life with an ex made me lose all feelings for him. I just feel numb. He started hysterically crying and begged me to stay because now I was breaking up with him the same way his ex once did. This made me cry even harder as he still couldn't see beyond his grief. He asked me and screamed why am I doing this. He said a lot to cruel things to me which are honestly painful but things really escalated here. He said he isn't letting me go and wants us to fix things. That's when I knew I wasn't safe where I was standing. I had to call my sister and his mother at his place to help ease him so that I could leave the house as quickly as possible. As his mom and my sister looked on, here was an exchange: **Ex-Fiance**: I doubt you ever had a heart **Me**: Oh, what do you know about MY heart, when you know nothing other than your OWN suffering? **Ex**: Someday, I hope you'll have the decency to admit how much you regret hurting me, just like she did. And maybe, just maybe, life will serve you a different kind of cancer in the next three years to teach you a lesson. We all looked in shock and horror and his mother gave him a well-deserved slap across his face. To say that he instantly regretted that would be an understatement. He cried like a dam broke through. I had to give him his meds for one last time. My sister muttered "I hope you are ashamed of yourself" and grabbed my arm and took me out of the house. I might just look for welfare checkup for him as soon as I've gained some sanity and sense of normalcy. I care about him still as a person and certainly don't want to demonise him anymore but this is NOT the man I fell in love with. I guess I have to stay single for a while and find someone actually worthy of my time. When I love, I love with my full heart. And I want someone who can appreciate that. Wishing everyone, even the naysayers peace and love. I'm going to be logging off Reddit to take care my mental health now. I'm sorry, I won't be here to engage anymore. Again, wishing love and peace to all who cared. &#x200B; **Comments** User1: *I was the girl who dated a widower & being quite young I didn't know better, didn't set the right boundaries. They were high school sweethearts and she barely made it to her 20s before she passed but that was enough for every argument to somehow turn into me not measuring up to the version of her in his head. We were together the same amount of time as them but he'd built her into an angel on earth and I never could compete. At least he didn't wish multiple cancers on me, though. Yikes.* &#x200B; User2: *Wow this was relatable to me in a lot of ways. It seems death will often cause people to put the one who passed on a pedestal and that’s not right. The living get punished for it when we didn’t do anything…* &#x200B; User3: *I think that based on how she handled all the comments about her boundaries, she likely would dismiss anything like that from other people near her too, including her own therapist. She seems so set in her ways and certain that she didn’t do anything wrong and that she’s the real and only victim here… I’m afraid she won’t learn from this whole mess.* &#x200B; User4: *To expect your partner to forget and earase their past relationships, to not mourn someone's death and the life they could have had is ridiculous and utterly selfish in my eyes and I'll accept the down votes for it.* *Not to mention, no where in either post says that OP tried to even communicate her feelings to her now ex. She simply kept it bottled inside and then exploded. She needs to learn how to communicate as well as set healthy boundries.* *But she doesn't care. She came to reddit for validation and shouted a big screw you to anyone who doesn't agree with her.* *Every single one of you, the ex, bf and OP all suck here. All of you were cruel and heartless to each other. The sooner ex-bf and OP realize that and make choices to better themselves the better.* &#x200B; User5: >Oh, what do you know about MY heart, when you know nothing other than your OWN suffering? *Pretty much straight from Sense and Sensibility (1995). I hope OP never sees that film, or it's going to be a painful reminder.* &#x200B; **Post was deleted before any overall judgement.** Edit - The missing part of the update was added in thanks to u/Choice_Evidence1983 finding a fully preserved copy at [r/AmITheDevil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/14jnogk/comment/jpm4fl8/?context=3) **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My fiancé’s ex died and my relationship is in shambles

CONCLUDED

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16zxf2y/my_fiancés_ex_died_and_my_relationship_is_in/

1700bb1

(**EDIT:** title should say [am-i-the-asshole-official.tumblr.com](https://am-i-the-asshole-official.tumblr.com), i forgot the "official") [https://www.tumblr.com/am-i-the-asshole-official](https://www.tumblr.com/am-i-the-asshole-official) utilizes Tumblr's new poll feature as well as Tumblr's ask function to have people submit their AITA stories while the audience votes in the poll. The winning poll option is the judgement. Most people submit their stories anonymously, and people will occasionally make throwaway sideblog accounts to offer commentary or answer questions. This is why I will refer to OP as both an anonymous submitter and by a username. [**AITA for refusing to propose to my boyfriend?**](https://www.tumblr.com/am-i-the-asshole-official/720153136967434240/aita-for-refusing-to-propose-to-my-boyfriend-we?source=share) **submitted anonymously to am-i-the-asshole-official on June 14, 2023** We both wanna get married and our families & friends are cool and everything (honestly he's my mom's favorite child at this point), but he says I should have to do the actual proposal and I say he should. He thinks since I hate every restaurant he takes me to (I work in food service I know what I'm about he picks BAD places) I should just be in charge of it, I think since he makes way more and he's stupid picky about jewellery (he knows what the different gemstone cuts are. He has OPINIONS on gemstone cuts. I am marrying a monster) he should have to buy the ring, and we both need it to be a special romantic surprise enough that we're not about to co-propose or some shit. We're also both guys, so there's not really any traditional rules to fall back on here, either. It's been mostly fine, but his 30th birthday was the week before last and he's LEGIT mad I didn't propose then. We took a whole trip and had dinner with his entire family (we live a 2 1/2 hour flight away) and shit, so if I were gonna do it, that would've been the time. I told him I've already said I wasn't proposing, and that he can do it himself or we can be boyfriends for his 70th birthday too, and he said "If we're not married by the time I'm 70 you will be LUCKY to still be boyfriends" and stormed off to our room, and now he says he's fine but I'm 90% sure he's been training the cat to bite my hands? It's happened every single time I try to pet her and he looks very smug about it. So did I fuck up here or what? PS If I'm not the asshole how do I talk him into proposing already I am DYING over here I wanna marry him so BAD. He BRIBED the CAT to BITE me I NEED this man to be my husband N O W . *Winning verdict was Everyone Sucks Here at 42.1%.* [**UPDATE**](https://www.tumblr.com/am-i-the-asshole-official/720311739568259072/update-whats-up-its-the-proposal-guy-you-said?source=share) **submitted anonymously to am-i-the-asshole-official on June 16, 2023** UPDATE What's up, it's the proposal guy. You said you wanted to know how this turned out, so I figured I'd tell you. First some context though, because I'm mean and I wanna keep you in suspense longer. 1- I don't wanna doxx us so I'm not telling you where we live, but suffice to say, neither of us are American, and gay marriage has been legal here for less than five years. For both of us, this is the first relationship we've had where marriage was even an OPTION, and I think that's where we've been getting some of that whole 'this has to be a REAL proposal with EVERYTHING' idea. 2- I gotta figure out how to explain this properly. So, I'm pretty used to being the GUY guy in relationships? I was always the one who did the nice gestures, not the one they got done for. Before I met my dream guy, I didn't really notice or care that it was such a thing, I just assumed that's how shit worked. Also, I promised I wouldn't talk a lot about his stuff here, but his last boyfriend before me SUCKED. Anyway point here is, it turns out we both REALLY like feeling swept off our feet sometimes, and a big part of finding each other has been getting to feel special for once? That's a stupid sappy way of putting it the point here is I think all that's what morphed into "I need to be the one getting proposed to, also it has to be completely perfect", and then our Petty & Extra genes got involved. So I'm sitting in bed thinking about all that up there, and watching all the comments coming in basically being like "Dude, you are BLOWING this" on repeat, and telling me to compromise, and I look up and see him flossing in the bathroom and making all these doofy faces at the mirror, and it's like a switch just flips in my brain, and I'm like "Oh, I'd rather he gets to have his perfect proposal than we both have an okay one". I'm gonna do it. Morning rolls around, and while I'm 'out for my jog like normal' I hit up a pawn shop for a temp ring (the ring pop thing is cute but NOT HIM). I found one I was at least confident wouldn't get ruined the first time he got his hands greasy (he fixes old machines as a hobby it's hot as hell), got back home, and hid the box in the toe of my nasty ass workout shoes in the bedroom closet, since I figured he'd check there last. He was still asleep, because he stays up late no matter what and then is SHOCKED he's tired the next day, so I called and booked a table at our usual anniversary spot. (Side note about the 'he picks bad restaurants' thing. This isn't an 'I like Greek, you like Chinese' situation, dude's just BAD at finding places. He either assumes pricey is tasty and I get to eat some overrated gourmet bullshit, or he'll try and find something hip and underground and risk giving us food poisoning again, and he REFUSES to give up and pick somewhere we've been before when it's his turn to plan date night. I'm obsessed with him <3.) Date was set, I'd propose on the 21st. Some of you might have noticed this, but fun fact! It's currently the 16th. Last night I'm doing dishes and he's been sent to our room for mug collection duty, and he's taking FOREVER, so I go check just in case he found the ring, because the man's a gift tracking BLOODHOUND. Turns out he hasn't, he's found my Angry Box. I assume other people have an Angry Box? Basically, we had this huge messy fight right when we first moved in together, and I never wanna let it get that bad again, so I have this shoebox where I keep a bunch of our stuff I can look at if we're fighting and hopefully cool off. There's one of those photo booth roll things, letters we wrote when he moved back with his parents for COVID, the wine cork from our first date, shit like that. Anyway, he's just sitting on the floor staring at it, and I explain about the Angry Box, and then he! Proposes!!! Kind of. He definitely didn't have anything prepared, because by 'propose' I mean 'ugly cried & rambled at me for several minutes before I figured out it WAS a proposal', but once I got on the same page it was amazing. I said yes, and he had to admit he didn't have a ring for me because he was CONVINCED he'd win and I'd do it, so I grabbed mine because, yeah, he was right. He was like "this is the ugliest ring I've ever seen" and I was like yeah well the plan is to replace it later and he went "No. You can pry this off my cold dead fingers. After I'm buried with it." So I guess it's not a temporary ring anymore. I'm just gonna go ahead and skip to this morning. I pointed out we still have the reservation, and he said I should propose there anyway because "We can get a free dessert. They have those creme brulee shot glasses you like. And for love, or something" and I said ok deal, but that means you gotta get me a ring to keep it fair, and his eyes LIT UP. When I swung by his work for lunch he was still on the phone with a jeweler and he had a whole page of notes on three other ones. Pray for me. OH PS: I was RIGHT that he'd been the one behind the cat biting me, but it wasn't about the proposal stuff, it's because I paid my baby sister three dollars to shout 'fuck you' every single time he enters a room she's in for (if you ask me, he should be madder at my sister for charging so little), and he did it by giving her a bunch of treats for biting his hands too, so now neither of us can pet our baby girl without oven mitts on. HOLY SHIT I love this man. *Response from AITAO mod:* >Oh my goddddddd I love everything about this <333 I awwww'd out loud on a voice call, like, six times while reading. You two are friggin perfect for each other and so obviously smitten with each other and I wish y'all all the happiness in the world > >PS Are y'all planning to have a big wedding? If so oh boy I can't WAIT to get that one in the inbox [**AITA (I'm NOT) for planning the seating for our wedding in a logical way?**](https://www.tumblr.com/am-i-the-asshole-official/728571620197908480/i-am-not-the-asshole-and-i-think-this-whole-thing) **submitted anonymously to am-i-the-asshole-official on September 15, 2023** I am not the asshole, and I think this whole thing is stupid, but I was promised that if I sent my side of things to this blog I could pick the hotel for our honeymoon, and I am marrying a man who once tried to take me BACKPACKING of all things, so this ask has become a necessity. In light of that: AITA (I'm NOT) for planning the seating for our wedding in a logical way? I got engaged in June, apparently in part because of my partner writing in to this blog (I don't know how to find or link to his posts, but I'm the man who got the cat to bite him, if that rings any bells?). At any rate, for the past ten weeks, I've been in the beginning stages of planning our wedding with my fiance, whom I have been secretly attempting to remove from the planning process as much as possible. I have ALREADY been given a list of his must-haves, and I AM incorporating as many of them as our budget allows. This has NOTHING to do with the emotional side of the event, and EVERYTHING to do with the fact that this is an idiot with no real planning experience or taste who thinks he knows more than me. For the most part, this has worked very well. I'm the one who's been collating all the contact information for things, so I just replaced all the emails for the tacky companies with false addresses, responded to his inquiries as the companies to say the date was already booked or the price was outside our budget, and let him filter his way to the ones I DO like on his own. I also made a fuss about being "willing to compromise" on the few things he's picked I'm completely fine with in the hopes I can use it to make him compromise later, and have been humming portions of the songs I want on the playlist in the hopes he'll think he came up with the idea to include them himself. None of this is the real problem. The PROBLEM is that he is deliberately ruining my seating chart, by moving our horrible friend's seat when I'm not looking. The man in question dated both of us at one point in our VERY early 20s (both ended BADLY), is generally the messiest person we know, and will almost certainly get sloppy drunk and try to make a speech IF he does make an appearance. I'm banking on the fact that he won't, because he's also ridiculously wealthy, and will almost certainly send us some very lavish gift in lieu of coming. He is SUPPOSED to be sitting beside my fiances aunt, at the same table as his grandmother, his work friend, and her girlfriend, because all four of these women are stone cold terrors who I believe are more than capable of keeping him in line on the slim chance he does come. My fiance INSISTS they won't be able to have any fun if they're running interference all night, and keeps moving him to sit at the head table instead. You know, where WE are. I finally caught him switching the label magnets on my planning board last night, and confronted him. I tried leveraging how much I've been compromising already, that he's almost certainly going to RSVP no, and that I shouldn't have to deal with him on our big night. My fiance said he knew about all the fake emailing and such, and told me, and I QUOTE: "Look, the mind game shit was hot when it was just about the colour scheme or whatever, but I actually care about this. So you can suffer with everybody else, or you can do the normal thing and not invite a guy you hate to our wedding, you weirdo. "I said that if I did that, it would take out half his groomsmen, he called me an asshole and said I should go explain this to "literally any rational adult" so they could tell me I was in the wrong, and now here we are. Would you recommend calling my fiance's bluff, since he doesn't want the man sitting near us either? Or should I focus on ensuring he'll turn down the invitation no matter what, so the matter of where he WON'T be sitting can be a moot point? *Winning verdict was You're The Asshole at 41%, with Everyone Sucks Here a VERY close second at 37.3%.* [**OP responds from sideblog under the username proposalanonaita**](https://www.tumblr.com/proposalanonaita/729234103751376896/i-am-not-the-asshole-and-i-think-this-whole-thing) **on September 23, 2023** Well, that's... definitive. In all honesty I'd forgotten about this by now, but I'm sure you'll all be very happy to know my fiance actually checks tumblr, and is being completely insufferable about the fact that 700-odd strangers think that I'm an asshole. I WILL concede, the risk to reward ratio involved in sending the rich ex an invite is probably more trouble than its worth. Probably. On everything else, however, all of you are so comically wrong I'm about to spend the rest of this post responding to questions I'm seeing crop up in the comments repeatedly. To that end: **Why do you hate the groomsmen/Why are you uninviting the groomsmen/&c.** \- When I said that uninviting everyone I hate would take out half the groomsmen, that was a technique called "exaggeration" I and many other people use when arguing. I certainly don't LIKE several of his friends, but he's well aware of that fact already & we're perfectly capable of interacting politely when needed. This isn't a legitimate grievance, they're just loud and don't really 'get' me. The rest of his side of the aisle is lovely. **Do you even like him/Why do you talk about your fiance like that, I would never insult my partner in public** \- I wanted to mention this one specifically because I was completely baffled about it for so long. To me, the COMPLETE opposite is true; I would sooner film a sex tape, show it on the jumbo screen of a sport arena, and provide director's commentary throughout than admit to loving my partner in public for anyone to hear. It would be much less revealing. Anything heartfelt I have to say about him I am going to say TO him, behind a closed door, with no one else around. The ONLY exceptions are the time I had an appendectomy (which involved MANY drugs and SHOULDN'T count), our vows, and if he dies in public. **You are toxic/Both of you are toxic/You shouldn't be getting married at all/&c.** \- Oh damn, you're right. Let me just call this whole committed relationship off real quick, obviously you know everything about me and my partner from reading a few words online! I don't respect you and I'm going to find a way to marry him even harder specifically to piss you off. **Why are you making a seating chart before you have your RSVPs back** \- You're the only one asking the right questions on here, congratulations. The venue has several rooms we can pick from, arranged VERY differently, and I needed to get an idea of what each set up would look like at maximum capacity to choose between them. I'll admit making a full chart was going a LITTLE overboard, but spending an afternoon methodically calculating who should sit with whom is surprisingly effective for excising the jitters. Also, it was an excellent bonding moment with my mother, who is a fellow hater at heart and had insane amounts of intel on the extended family's beef. I think she was more choked up watching me put labels on my magnet board over FaceTime than she will be seeing me in my suit, frankly. **Stop doing mind games on your partner/Don't manipulate your fiance/WTF is wrong with you quit it** \- No. It's VERY effective foreplay. Also, he is genuinely quite bad at event planning. I'm not about to let him blunder into a subpar special day when I could just do it CORRECTLY and give him the perfect wedding instead. Duh. To that point, no one asked specifically but I think it would help assuage some worries to reiterate that AS STATED IN THE POST I am NOT pulling any strings when it comes to his actual stated wants, this is ONLY about the minutiae of planning for a very large event. He wants all his younger siblings to play a role? Absolutely, I will find jobs for all SEVEN of them to do, including the kindergartner who curses at me. His best friend moved abroad and can't afford travel fare? She can now, because I'm chipping in to get her here as a surprise. He really wants Thinking Out Loud by Ed fucking Sheeran on the playlist since it was on the car radio when he realized he loved me? I wish to GOD I were a crueller man because that tacky garbage will be our first dance song so my basic bitch of a betrothed can get all weepy about it. He thinks orange and pink "works fine" for a color scheme?????? Objectively deranged, someone needs to save him from himself. To conclude, I have ACCEPTED that I shouldn't invite the ex, I will be taking NO further criticism at this time, and now that that's all settled I'm going to leave this be and go talk over my fiance's TV shows. He hates it so much <3 &#x200B;

AITA for refusing to propose to my boyfriend?: The ultimate saga from am-i-the-asshole.tumblr.com

EXTERNAL

passingthrough3333

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1700bb1/aita_for_refusing_to_propose_to_my_boyfriend_the/

17055eo

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/New-Poem7862 **A request for my Dad - a 99 year old Marine** **Originally posted to** r/USMC [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/USMC/s/yWjqkTFpYz)  **Sept 20, 2021** Hello.  First of all, thank you to all Marines on this subreddit for your service, your courage and your commitment.  My Dad, a 99 year old Marine, is in hospice in a local nursing home. Dad graduated boot camp at Parris Island in 1940. He served 5 years, and achieved the rank of Sargent.  Dad saw more than two years of action in the Pacific Theater as a member of the 22nd Marines (Reinforced, 3rd Section, pack howitzer battalion). He fought in the battles of Guam, the Marshall Islands and Eniwetok. He received his honorable discharge in 1945. I would like to find an active duty Marine who would volunteer to visit my Dad (in uniform) and salute him.  Being a member of the Marine Corps was one of the things that Dad was most proud of. He is the best man - and the toughest man - I have ever known. I'm hoping that someone can point me in the right direction to find a Marine who would volunteer to do this. Dad is in a nursing home in Rochester NY in Monroe County.  Any help would be appreciated. Thank you Marines! Semper Fi. Fideli certa merces. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **13toros13** >this is going to be great. Should not be hard to find someone to answer this call. Im sure we could also record some video messages **OOP replied** >>Thank you. I was able to get in touch with a local recruiter in Rochester and he is looking into this for me. If anyone wants to record video messages I'll keep an eye out and make sure to show them to Dad. >>Thanks to everyone who replied to this post. All great ideas. I will keep you all informed. >>Semper Fi. >>PS. Picture of my Dad in WWII in the Marshall Islands. [Dad in the Marshall Islands WWII](https://lightroom.adobe.com/shares/30166b94151a40068fde46749101ad2f) **UPDATE FROM OOP** Hello Marines, An update on my 99 year old Marine Dad. As it turns out, Dad's social worker here at the nursing home (Air Force Reserve) has a great network of Marines. When she asked for a volunteer to visit Dad,, many local Marines replied that they would be honored. So instead of one visit, we're expecting many. We expect Dad's visits to begin tomorrow. Sincere thanks to everyone who replied to or liked this post. I will give you another update later this week. Semper Fi. [Update](https://reddit.com/r/USMC/s/zV89NwHklO)  **Sept 26, 2021** Earlier this week, I posted on this site asking for help finding a Marine to visit my Dad - a 99 year old WW II Marine in hospice in a nursing home in Rochester, NY.  The great news is that Dad was visited by not just one but four Marines. Our family wishes to express special thanks to Scot, Ahmed, Isaac, and Nate. Most of these Marines were from Company E, 4th Light Armored Reconnaissance Battalion, Syracuse, New York.  I'm sure everyone can understand how much those visits  meant to Dad. They also meant a great deal to my brother and me, as we were able to  to experience firsthand the camaraderie and brotherhood that connects Marines across generations. And even though much has changed between 1940 (when our Dad joined the Marine Corps) and today - it was easy for us to see our Dad's values and attitudes in these four Marines. We also wish to express special thanks to Dad's social worker Christina (Air Force), who leveraged her Marine Corps network to find Marines to visit Dad. It took her less than one hour to get a response. That says it all.  Finally, we want to thank the Marine Corps community on r/USMC. Because so many of you took the time to up-vote and comment on my original post, the message spread quickly and remained a hot post for much of the day. Thanks so much for your posts to Dad expressing respect and encouragement. He heard them all. Thanks to all who DMed expressing their support, asking for more information about Dad, and for updates. Thank you to the Marine who DMed me to say that he would be returning home from deployment in 10 days - and that it would be his honor to drive the 7 hours (round trip) from Albany to Rochester and back to visit Dad. I expressed our gratitude but told him we did not want him to make that long trip.   I will be posting updates on Dad just to keep you all informed. Thank you all.  Semper Fi. Fideli Certa Merces.  **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

A request for my Dad - a 99 year old Marine

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17055eo/a_request_for_my_dad_a_99_year_old_marine/

17084qp

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/OneNefariousness8522 **I (25M) was planning to propose to my girlfriend (26F), but she admitted after a night out that she cheated on me and is begging for forgiveness. How do I go about this?** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Rape, depression, dealing with trauma!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1629j9m/i_25m_was_planning_to_propose_to_my_girlfriend/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2)  Aug 26, 2023** I've known my girlfriend since we were in kindergarden. She's helped me through thick and thin. Through periods of depression, when my parents were being abusive, when I lost my grandparents, through it all. She's genuinely my hero. She's also so warmhearted, caring, selfless, and the best person I know. About a month ago, I told her parents and mine that I wanted to marry her and we agreed to rent out our favorite amusement park, where I would propose to her, which is also where I confessed my love to her. It is still rented for 29th August. It was all so perfect, until yesterday, my girlfriend said that she's going to a karaoke event with her female friends. At 2 AM today, she returned, clearly drunk, and collapsed in bed. This morning, she woke up in tears and apologized profusely. After she'd calmed down, she explained that she was drunk and decided to have sex with another man at the party after the karaoke and regretted it afterwards a lot. When I asked why she'd do this, she said that she was so drunk that she completely blanked on the fact that she was in a relationship with me. That sounded to me like she would have sex with other men if she wasn't with me, so I asked if she was unhappy in bed, but she reassured me that that's not the case and couldn't ask for anything more from me and regrets everything she did. I had so many more questions that I wanted to ask, but my heart completely broke and I began crying. She hugged me and said that she would do anything to get my trust back and constantly asked not to break up over this. I said that I need some time to think and went into a separate room. I have now been sitting in this room heartbroken for many hours now and don't know what to do. She said that she'd do anything to get my trust back, so I have hope that there's something I can change to ensure that she never cheats on me again, like always going with her when she goes outside, but that feels really controlling and disgusting to me. Is there any way to not break up and still have trust again that she will never cheat on me again? If I do break up though, I don't think I can ever love anyone like her again. Please try to understand and comprehend that I've known her since not long after I was even born. We were often in the same class, doing the same school work together, playing together, eating together, doing everything together. I spent many years trying to confess my love. We've spent many years living, loving, smiling together. She feels like a part of me by now. How can I just throw that part away and pretend I'll be fine? I'm saying this because I know it's common on this subreddit to basically just say "move on", but I really don't think that's possible for me. So I'm really looking for responses that suggest how we can stay together with rules to ensure that this never happens again. I would also like to hear suggestions about whether I tell mine and/or her parents of the incident? I'll have to tell them to cancel the amusement park event, so I probably will have to tell them what happened, but I could excuse the cancellation as me "not feeling quite ready yet" or something. I'm mainly considering this because I don't want her parents to be mad/yell at her or be cold towards her, because, as I explained before, she's always been my hero, and I don't want someone who's helped me so much get hurt, especially because I've experienced how much that hurts. [Update](https://reddit.com/u/OneNefariousness8522/s/YRrGpGryDw)  **Sept 28, 2023** The title is probably a good enough summary to let you read this post without lacking much information anyway, so here's the update. A day after the post, I decided to ask for clarification as to what exactly happened. I was mentally prepared for every possible response, except the one she gave me. From all of the information she gave me, I have tried organizing the most important information below. Before the karaoke, the boyfriend of one of her friends, whom I'm acquainted with but not particularly close with, decided to join last minute. Let's call him Richard. During the karaoke, her female friends kept daring her to chug beers. She told them to stop daring her after 3 drinks, but they kept insisting, and making her feel bad by saying stuff like "You never drink much anyway, so just for today, try to have some fun" and "stop ruining the moment", and other stuff, so she continued (can confirm that my girlfriend normally drinks far less; 2 beers max normally). She says that she remembers drinking 10 beers in about an hour. She says it's likely she drank more after that but doesn't remember anything after the ten drinks, except waking up back home. She says that the drinks very likely made her blackout drunk. In my original post, I didn't provide much detail about when she returned from karaoke due to the word limit on posts, and me not thinking that the information would matter much. Regardless, the day she returned, her female friends were carrying her by her shoulders and I had to also carry her to her bed. Her legs were barely moving, her body was not holding upright, and she wasn't able to form coherent sentences. Although, until then, I did not have any experience with a person who blacked out, I can only imagine that her situation was a blackout. So, I do also believe that she got blackout drunk. When she woke up, she had ten missed calls from her friends! When she called back, her friends explained what happened while she was blackout drunk. During the karaoke, Richard said that he needed to talk to her (my gf) for a moment to strategize on how they'd sing as partners. The friends decided to continue the karaoke while Richard and my gf "strategized". After half an hour, neither Richard or my gf were back, so they started checking for where they were (Richard wasn't picking any calls). After an unknown amount of time, Richard's gf saw Richard having sex with my gf. Of course, Richard and his gf broke up, and then all of the females brought my gf home. After finding out about this, my gf was mad and shouted "How dare he rape me" (I was in the basement before I saw my gf cry, which is why I didn't hear this), but her friend said he's saying she consented. My gf says that she was speechless and hung up, because she couldn't believe she consented to that and started crying because she believed that she cheated on me by consenting and thought our relationship was over. She didn't know that legally, if a person is drunk, consent or not, you cannot have sex with them. I was surprised she thought this, because, even if you don't know the laws on this, how could it possibly be morally, or even solely logically speaking fine to ask for someone's consent when they're barely able to communicate or think? I was really shocked by this story and started feeling really bad for my gf. I explained to her that this is rape, not consensual sex. I hugged her and tried to comfort her and asked if she needed anything and how she was feeling. She said that because she doesn't even remember anything after the drinks, she doesn't feel any of the responses normally felt after rape, like trauma. She said that she's mainly disgusted by Richard but also mad at herself for losing control so easily because of a dare and hurting me like this. We went to the police station to report this. The investigation is still ongoing. Also, to be honest, I was still a little suspicious that the story could have been made up or misconstrued, so I went to the karaoke place that they went to and explained the situation and asked if I could see the camera's footage. They agreed, and there was footage of the exact situation that I was told playing out. There was also footage of Richard asking my gf "Sex?" and my gf responding in a very drunk and barely audible voice "I like". That bastard really thought that was "consent". I have of course also provided this footage to the police. Although the police's investigation has not concluded, the evidence I saw is in my opinion enough for me to believe her. My girlfriend volunteered to explain the situation to both of our parents because she wants to take accountability for her actions. Her parents were very apologetic and sweet about the situation which I appreciated a lot. My parents brought us both together to make sure that all of us were on the same page and we had a big group hug and my dad said something that really resonated with me; "This situation is really shitty for everyone, but I know that love will prevail in the end". Unfortunately, it was too late to go back on the theme park that we rented that day, so we (me, my parents, her parents) agreed to proceed with it but without the proposal and invited a bunch more people. I told both mine and her parents that I would decide when the time is right to tell her that we initially rented that amusement park to propose. I told her about a week ago when things were more back to normal and her feelings seemed very complicated as one would expect, but I think her summary of her emotions being "devastated but understanding" is pretty good. Thanks to the advice of many redditors, we have decided to take couples therapy, which has been really helpful in helping us understand each other and get even closer. She proposed herself that she never wanted to drink alcohol again. She said that "it never even tasted that good anyway and never made me happy in the long-term". She said that she mainly just drinks to fit in, but now plans to stop. So far, that goal has been going great. We also realized that we both always want to do events like karaoke together but sometimes worry about bothering the other. Even on the day that she went with her friends, she wanted to go with me, but thought that I looked busy, so went alone. I was not busy. We have worked hard at being more communicative and expressing our feelings more, and it has seriously been great. I have also told her about my reddit post. I want to thank everyone for all of the advice, even if it was a little mean. We are both so happy right now and I have faith that despite this bump in the road, we'll keep riding this car forever. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I (25M) was planning to propose to my girlfriend (26F), but she admitted after a night out that she cheated on me and is begging for forgiveness. How do I go about this?

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17084qp/i_25m_was_planning_to_propose_to_my_girlfriend/

170ryxb

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Concerned-dad2823 **in** r/AITAH trigger warnings: >!grooming/predator behaviour, past grooming!< mood spoilers: >!sad!<   [**AITA for not inviting my brother on our family BBQ cookout because of my daughter?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16nqle6/aita_for_not_inviting_my_brother_on_our_family/) **- 20th September 2023** So, our family has this big BBQ cookout once every 2 months. People take turn on whose house it is going to be next. This time it is in our house. These events are really big in our family, almost like a festival so, everyone closer to us will come. Recently, my daughter who is 13 years old, seemed really upset and tried to make it postpone or just to avoid it. Which is odd because she loves these family cookouts. She wouldn't tell me the reason until she finally did. She said she is not comfortable with her uncle Frank, my brother. I asked her why she thinks like that. She says he gives her weird vibes. Some things he does that really makes her uncomfortable- hugging her tight, holding her waist gently, always gives some excuses to be near her, she claims she caught him looking at her chest. He also makes comments like- "you are going to be a heart breaker.", "you are turning into a really beautiful woman", "You are mature for your age". Last cookout he asked her if she has kissed anyone. When she was shy he told her "don't worry, I won't tell anyone. It will be our secret." I asked her would she be comfortable if we do not invite him? She agreed to that. I did just that. I only invited my mom, my dad, my younger brother and my sister. Frank knew that I didn't invite him. I just said what my daughter told me. Frank took it as an offense and said my daughter is lying. In fact she was the one who always comes onto him. I told him, I cannot have him around her. I am sorry but I have to respect my daughter's boundaries. The whole family is divided. But most of them took Frank's side. They think my daughter is just lying for attention. I can tell she is not lying because I heard her crying because she thinks her family hates her. I told her that is not the case and not to blame herself. My brother said since Frank hasn't done anything it would be unfair to uninvite him because what he said was just words. Not like he meant it. And just tell my daughter to stay away from him if he makes her uncomfortable. The only person is on my side is my wife. She is sure Frank is showcasing predator behavior towards our daughter. She was groomed when she was a teenager and says this is exactly how it starts. I don't know. I do want my daughter to feel safe. Frank has never shown any type of predator behavior. In fact I heard him say a lot of times that Pedophiles should be sentenced to death. He is over protective of his own daughter. But on the other hand I cannot ignore my daughter's feelings. Did I do something wrong here?   **Comments** User1: *"Your 13 year old came onto me" is about the biggest fucking red flag in the world. You are being good parents and if your family takes his side, they deserve to be cut off. NTA.* &#x200B; User2: *Who the fuck could actually utter that phrase anyway? A predator. No one else has ever said a kid was hitting on them in defense of smarmy comments. Plus, with the penalty of being accused of being a predator why would you risk it and argue for continued invites? If nothing really happened he’d say “WTF! I’m going to stay away from your house until you get to the bottom of that because I’m not down for being labeled a pervert and going to jail. I really think you should seeks counseling for your daughter as those are serious accusations.” You’d never say but….but….she came on to me first!* &#x200B; User3: *Yikes, protect your kid. It's truly disgusting that he twisted it and blamed a minor child and said she was coming on to him. The adults in your family supporting him need a reality check.* *You may need to protect her legally down the line. You may need to report this. This may be beyond your child. Are there any children your kid age in the family/his social circle?* *Admittedly, I'm worried about his kid, also. The accessible child. Any way you can alert your niece's mother to protect her child?* >My daughter is the first oldest daughter. My sister has a son, I have a son. My younger brother has no kids, but is engaged. Frank has one daughter. &#x200B; *Your wife is right. This is how it starts. People like your family are the reason it continues to happen. I applaud you for having your daughters back on this because I didn't have anyone, my mother didn't believe me, and I grew up feeling alone and powerless. NTA and keep your boundaries; Uncle Frank is definitely a predator.* >So sorry it happened to you. I never in my life thought Frank would do something like that. I wish this is just a bad dream. But it is not. I want to protect my family. Even it if from my own family. **Judgement is NTA** &#x200B; [**UPDATE-AITA for not inviting my brother on our family BBQ cookout because of my daughter?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16ogxzk/updateaita_for_not_inviting_my_brother_on_our/) **- 21st September 2023** This isn't much of an update to my last post. But there was a big fight. I can't tell all the details but I can say one thing is clear that my brother Frankie will not be near my daughter. My daughter is very upset because of the fight. Some people are still calling her a liar and an attention seeker but I can see how it is effecting her mental health. So, I have decided to cancel the cookout. Instead we (me, my wife, my son and my daughter) will go to a Korean BBQ instead. Hope this can cheer her up. I will give a full update about the whole thing later on. Take care. &#x200B; **Comments** *I am so so so sorry about the fight and the probable loss of some of your family. But may I also say* *THANK YOU for choosing your daughter!!* *It will be hard for her because she will feel guilty and think maybe she should’ve just stayed quiet so the family drama wouldn’t be happening. That is going to suck for her. Hopefully her mom can help her since she went through something similar, or maybe she should see a counselor or maybe a support group?*   [**UPDATE 2-AITA for not inviting my brother on our family BBQ cookout because of my daughter?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16to7rz/update_2aita_for_not_inviting_my_brother_on_our/) **- 27th September 2023** Ok, it has been a hectic few days for us. Yes, I did take my daughter out for a Korean BBQ, she enjoyed it, might have got a little sick because she thinks she can handle spice. But happy nonetheless. Well, the talk with my family didn't go so well. They were all defending my brother. They all think either my daughter was lying or trying to frame Frank because she was at that age of being a rebellious teenager. I don't see the point of where she had to lie. She had no bad blood with my brother. She would always say Frank was her favorite uncle. She has no reason to lie. I didn't listen to them. I canceled the cookout and told them anyone who will call my daughter a liar or a bad name will never be invited to our lives. I said this especially to my parents they believed me but still tried to defend my brother. Lastly, I talked to Frank in public. He denied everything. He was insistent on my daughter being a liar and that she admitted to having a crush on him. I do not believe that. I told him to not come to our house, if he wants to meet or talk to me we will go in a public place but he is never to be seen around my daughter. My younger brother has been quiet because his fiancée berated him for taking Frank's side. You see she works with an NGO that helps women who are suffering abuse and assault. She came to our house and had a little chat and explain things to my daughter that this is not her fault. I am glad my brother picked right. My daughter has been sad. She loved the cookouts and BBQs and now we might never attend because Frank might be there. She cries and thinks this is her fault. She even said she will say sorry to Frank and take back what she said just be done with it because she doesn't want people to think she is a bad person. It honestly made me sad that she thinks like that. It is not her fault. She shouldn't apologize for something like that. She is still very much disappointed. We will arrange a therapy for her. I don't want to lose my cheerful daughter over this. Frank's girlfriend did call me to curse us out by the way and she is blocked. That's it. I am going to focus on my family from now on. I don't need people who blame my daughter instead of the culprit in my life. &#x200B; **Comments** User 1: *Your are a great parent ! Your family suck however . I’m glad you are taking your daughter to therapy and working on her self esteem . Frank sadly will trip up in the future but it won’t be with your daughter and that’s all you can control ! Once he is caught and outed remain no contact with his defenders even if they try to apologise. They really really suck !!* &#x200B; User 2: *Nobody wants to believe they raised a child molestor.* *Even if only a 'potential' one. Op I wish you the best.* &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster. This is a repost sub.**

AITA for not inviting my brother on our family BBQ cookout because of my daughter?

ONGOING

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/170ryxb/aita_for_not_inviting_my_brother_on_our_family/

1711i7q

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/colossal_screwup **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole **WIBTA if I wear a Halloween costume that makes my friend's partner uncomfortable?** Trigger Warnings: >!Homophobia!< --- &nbsp; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/j84dbs/wibta_if_i_wear_a_halloween_costume_that_makes_my/) - **October 9, 2020** Hey reddit peeps. I really need some help here. My (21M) bf, "Alex" (23) absolutely love Halloween. Our whole friend group loves the holiday and we make a point to have a Halloween party every year. We're sad that we can't have our usual party this year but we're still planning on having a little Halloween party thing on zoom, so we still have an excuse to dress up and get drunk together. Anyway, our friend Sasha has been dating a guy (let's call him David) for about a year now. We don't have many complaints about David, he's pleasant enough to us (excluding a couple of slightly homophobic comments which he apologised for after he found out Alex and I were a couple) and (most importantly) he makes Sasha happy. However, when we were talking about costumes on call the other day, things got a little weird. Our friend group consists of five girls and three guys. We're all pretty big AHS fans and the girls all decided that they were going to go as the witches from Coven (their costumes are absolutely stunning). Alex and I are planning on dressing as Michael Langdon and Mr Gallant. Anyways, we asked David about his costume and he told us he'd actually planned for the three of us to go as Ross, Joey and Chandler from friends. Now I love me some Friends but Alex and I have already bought most of the pieces for our costumes and we don't really want to change it at this point. We told him as much and apologised. If he'd asked us earlier then we'd have most likely agreed to this. He left the chat about ten minutes later but nothing really seemed off. Until he texted me later in the day. He told me that he was uncomfortable with us going as Michael and Gallant as they often get shipped together and are most likely "fairies". David told us he was uncomfortable with us flaunting our sexuality at every chance we got and that it was making him uncomfortable. We apparently ruined Harry Potter for him when we dressed up as Remus and Sirius last year. Anyway, David is still insistent on us changing our costume. We've also been accused of trying to isolate him as he isn't too into AHS. He can dress up as literally anything he wants, there's no rules. I really don't want to make anyone uncomfortable and I don't want David to feel like he's unwelcome but Alex and I were really excited about our costumes this year. I know this seems like a stupid thing to be worried about but we don't want to cause trouble for Sasha as she really likes David and we don't want her getting caught in the middle of some stupid argument over a goddamn Halloween costume. I'd feel awful if we were the reason that they started to have problems in their relationship. WIBTA? Edit - Okay I did not expect this to get so many replies, thank you so much to everyone who commented and offered advice, I really appreciate it :) Oh and just quickly, AHS stands for American Horror Story. My stupid ass thought I'd already written that, sorry. I've seen a few people asking if Sasha knows about David's behaviour. She doesn't, well, didn't. Not long after they started dating, David made a few comments about being against gay marriage and, knowing full well that Alex and I hope to get married some day, Sasha blew up at him. She was disgusted that he'd think like that and she almost left him after that incident. We felt awful for her as she really did like David and he kept making promises to her that it wouldn't happen again and apologised profusely. Sasha made David apologise to us and asked Alex and I if we would be okay speaking to him again and, believing it was a one off occurrence, we said sure. He made Sasha really happy after all and she'd never stay with him if we weren't comfortable being around him. We kept the homophobic jokes to ourselves but told him that they were homophobic, to his credit he did apologise (though it was most likely not sincere). We told Sasha about this whole situation about an hour ago and sent her screenshots of the conversation. She was disgusted and we heard a good five minutes of their argument before Sasha apologised and told us she'd call us when she'd dealt with him. We've had a text from Sasha apologising for all this, but it's not her fault. **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** &nbsp; [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jqziz5/comment/gbq6c5u/?context=3) - **November 9, 2020 (One month later)** I was gonna post this a few days ago but my professor decided to dump about a million projects on us at once so it had to wait a little bit. Alex and I took the advice of you lovely people and talked to Sasha about David's behaviour. We even sent her some screenshots. She went absolutely apeshit at him. Long story short, she broke up with him. This is where the story should end, but David is apparently a bit of a petty asshole. We did originally only plan to have a small zoom call party with a couple of friends but some mutual friends and people from some of our classes had asked if they could join (about 15 people all in). We were okay with this and decided to just have a larger zoom party with them for a little bit then leave and have a call with just our small, close knit friend group, people we don't mind getting completely trashed with. We informed everyone of this and everything was going great. Until it wasn't. David is roommates with a mutual friend (Ryan) and is friends with a few people in our mutual friend group. So he decided he was going to join in with the festivities, knowingly making Sasha very uncomfortable. He made a few passing comments about how he left Sasha because she's a f*g hag and kept asking her if they could call in private. He got shut down pretty quickly (Ryan is not one for that kind of drama so he told David to get a grip). It made the whole thing pretty awkward to say the least. About an hour or so into this mess, Ryan shuts off his camera and mutes his mic (he and David were using the same computer) after yet another comment from David. When he turned the camera and mic back on, David was sulking beside him, just generally looking like a scolded child. Alex and I decided to mess around with him. Yes it was petty. No we do not regret it. We started dropping in some AHS lines whenever we could. E.g. "So, you like leather?" "I like a lot of things." Any sort of suggestive dialogue we could think of between Michael and Gallant (not a massive amount to work with but ya know). We could see David practically biting his tongue to not say anything. Eventually (after a whip comment from Alex) he left. Ryan just shook his head and laughed it off. Everyone else found it pretty amusing and myself and Alex were pretty pleased with ourselves. The rest of the night was a hell of a lot better. David actually tried to contact Sasha a few days ago but Sasha's dad was pretty quick to intervene. He is a big guy, I wouldn't want to piss him off. Long story short, David is out of all of our lives now and Sasha is looking a lot happier. I know this probably isn't an update that anyone wants but I wanted to post it anyways. Edit - Shit, I did it again. AHS stands for American Horror Story guys, sorry. My bad, I keep forgetting to add it. Also just wanted to say thank you everyone for the kind comments and awards :) &nbsp; **REMINDER – THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP**

WIBTA if I wear a Halloween costume that makes my friend's partner uncomfortable?

REPOST

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1711i7q/wibta_if_i_wear_a_halloween_costume_that_makes_my/

17123vu

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Fuzzman2012 in r/AskAnAustalian** Spoiler covering factoid: Kalgoorlie comes from the Wangkathaa Aboriginal word “karlkurlah,” meaning ‘silky pear.’ (A plant that is very common in the area). Boulder was from the Great Boulder Mine. trigger warnings: >!one angry local!< mood spoilers: >!heartwarming!< [**I'm to journey to Australia in the next two months and I'm incredibly nervous, any tips for a first timer?**](https://reddit.com/r/AskAnAustralian/s/biud7ggrrX) - July 17th, 2023 Hello, I'm an African-American man, recently hired as a camera operator for an independent Media Network in New York and my team (which consists of 3 people) are to travel to Sydney, then Kalgoorlie,in the next two months. I'm being kept in the dark about a lot of the trip so I feel nervous and unprepared. This is my first time in Oceania and I'm the only black man in my group so I know I will stand out. I always wanted to visit Australia but I have really bad social anxiety. Is there anything I can do to make locals know I'm friendly. I just need some advice , I don't know how to explain it. **Notable comments:** You're going to get more shit for being a yank than for being black. You'll be fine mate. As stated you're going to get some shit for being American just don't take it seriously. Have a laugh. --- [**[Update] I'm to journey to Australia in the next two months and I'm incredibly nervous, any tips for a first timer?**](https://reddit.com/r/AskAnAustralian/s/4rw2v8MQEV) - September 13, 2023 Hello everyone, a month ago [I made a post about a business trip me and my crew were making to Sydney and Kalgoorlie, (we also made stops to melbour and Kakadu)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskAnAustralian/comments/1510shg/im_to_journey_to_australia_in_the_next_two_months/), and I mentioned how nervous I was being this was my first time in Oceania and being the only black man in my group. I just wanted to thank everyone for the advice as it really got me prepared and saved me in some situations. I had a great time even if it was a business trip (mainly documenting about the local wildlife and some other historic and political assignments that I can't disclose here) but the trip it was still electric. And I really mean it I loved my visit here and was pretty down when are trip was cut short. I was surprised how culturally similar many places are to the U.S. People were open and friendly, being the camera operator, everyone (the younger folk mainly) wanted me film them and it was electrifying striking up convos with them and the food was delicious, the Chinese food here might even top the ones I've tried in the US, though very expensive in the city area. We went to some AFL games and was warmly welcomed (I already understood most rules thanks to you guys). I did get asked a lot if I was into or play Basketball and I was sad I couldn't converse more about it due to my limited knowledge (I more into soccer), and I also want to thank you guys for warning about the ball-busting comments as I did get a few of those but it was in good faith, Australians really know how to be the life of the party, I'll tell you that. The only issues some of my crew had was finding driving sometimes stressful due to the care hire only having a manual transmission despite our reservation and we didn't have very much experience driving manual -- it turned out fine. I also got a ton of stares in Kalgoorlie that my anxiety was going through the roof, I didn't know if they were staring me or the camera but other than that it was an interesting experience. Some older folk were a bit passive aggressive but calmed down after my crew mate explained why we were filming and I almost got into an incident with a kangaroo (it was really aggressive) and a small snake that I was later told was a king brown. Great trip all around, enjoyed every bit of it and I wish we could have stayed longer. Hopefully next time I can visit on a vacation rather than business. **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

I'm to journey to Australia in the next two months and I'm incredibly nervous, any tips for a first timer?

CONCLUDED

homenomics23

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17123vu/im_to_journey_to_australia_in_the_next_two_months/

1712mr5

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/throwaway8522233 **TIFU by stalking my husband's reddit account** **Originally posted to** r/tifu [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/tifu/s/K6JD78YKDY)  **Sept 28, 2023** Using a throwaway because he probably knows my main and I don't want him to know I know yet. This also technically started a few days ago but it's been stuck in my head since and I need to get my thoughts out. When we met and the entire 3 years we dated before we married, I was always firm about not wanting kids. My husband told me that his stance on kids was along the lines of "kind of undecided, but overall not a good idea". Always said he used to want kids but changed his mind later in life. I wholeheartedly believed him until I decided to snoop. We're both pretty avid reddit users and he wanted to brag to me about how many upvotes one of his comments had. I watched him as he clicked on his profile to find it, and I caught his username and a glimpse of another comment where it looked like he was talking about me. We've never tried hiding each other's accounts from one another so it's not like his was secret, but I still feel a little bad for letting curiosity get the best of me. I looked up his username later in the day to check out what he had to say about me. To his credit, he was gushing about me and it was really sweet. But, quite a few of his other comments also talked about how he wishes he could have children of his own and that the only thing stopping him is me. Talks about how his desire to be with me outmatches his desire to have kids, but he's still heartbroken that he can't have both. I still don't know what to make of it. On the one hand, I'm hurt that in the almost 10 years we've been together he's never talked to me about this and Instead lied to make it seem like we were on the same page. I feel immense guilt that I've taken such a choice away from him, especially after reading about just how badly he wants it. On the other hand, and I can't believe I'm about to type this out, it's making me rethink my stance. For the first time in my 32 years of existence, I'm uncertain about whether I want kids or not. I've always thought "pregnancy/birth sounds like a nightmare and I simply don't have the mental bandwidth to devote all of my time to raising a child" but suddenly I'm having daydreams about it all. Hell, just last night I fell asleep while fantasizing about what would happen if my birth control failed and we decided to just roll with it instead of getting an abortion. Every argument I try to come up with against it is easily refuted by how our life is currently going. We own our house, we both have good jobs that pay well, and I work from home on my own schedule so we wouldn't have to worry about daycare or extended maternity leave. The fact that I'm even reconsidering is absolutely terrifying. What if I think on it for another year, decide to go for it, and then regret it? What if I'm only thinking about it now because I want to make him happy? What if I decide to ignore these thoughts and later regret not trying before we got too old? What if he thinks he wants me now but later resents me for not letting him live the life he's always wanted? Anyway, this got much longer than I thought it would be. I'm using this sub instead of something like r/confessions because I do consider this a fuck up. I regret looking into his reddit account, I wish I could go back to a few days ago where this wasn't on my mind and I thought things were going great between us. I'm sorry if this isn't as interesting as "tifu by sleeping with someone's mom" or whatever usually gets popular, I just needed to get all this off my chest. TL;DR: Stalked my husband's reddit account, found out he's secretly always wanted kids even though I don't. Now it's fucking with my head and I don't know what this means for the future of our marriage or what I even want for my life anymore. EDIT: I was not expecting this post to blow up as much as it has. I'm sorry I haven't responded to many people but I promise I've read almost every comment. I was gonna sit on it for a few more days before saying anything to him but everyone calling me out for essentially being a pussy is making me realize I should just talk to him tonight before I let my weird anxiety blow it more out of proportion than it already has. I still haven't decided whether to bring up how my views have changed regarding children as I don't want to get his hopes up if I change my mind back, I'll see how the conversation goes. To address a few things I've seen mentioned by you guys: • Don't worry, I'm not throwing out my birth control tonight and jumping straight to baby making. I'm honestly still leaning more into the not having any kids side, and if my mind changes more it's still not happening until we both want one without a shadow of a doubt • "Just talk to him! Communicate!" I appreciate the concern, but keeping it to myself forever was never an option for me. Our communication is(usually) fantastic and I'm planning on sitting down with him, I was just panicking a bit while writing this and wasn't sure the when/how/what all I'd like to share with him. • "Why do you think doing the same thing he did will solve your problems" ...you know what, you got me there. I'll probably show him this post eventually anyway so I'm not sure how much water these comments hold, but you may be right that I shouldn't have shared this with strangers on the Internet. I will say though, I kinda get why people do it now. To quote one of my own comments: "it's like having a sea of little angels and devils on your shoulders" which tbh is a little cool and almost cathartic I'll update tomorrow morning if anyone is interested(is it better to edit this post or make a new one? I'm unfamiliar with tifu), but otherwise thank you all for your help! For the hate reddit gets for being toxic and negative, all of you had either very insightful advice or were funny to hear from [Update](https://reddit.com/u/throwaway8522233/s/U3lIGIdvUZ)  **Sept 29, 2023** Hi again guys. A few of you asked for an update; I hope it's okay I make a new post rather than edit my og or try to cram it into a comment as my original was getting a bit long/messy and this update is also pretty long. I was not expecting my story to be interesting enough to get such an insane amount of attention. I'm a tad embarrassed my inner thoughts had so many eyes on it, but the secret little egocentric in me thanks you all for my 15 minutes of fame LOL. I'll put an actual tl;dr at the bottom, but the gist of this update is my husband is an incredible partner/human being and I'm an idiot who holds onto my big ball of anxiety for no real reason. Almost all of your replies were very sweet and supportive(I didn't respond to most of them but I read them all), but it didn't stop me from feeling super nervous about confronting him. It's hard to explain but I get a little overly stressed about things that aren't as big of a deal as I make them(have been wanting to get checked out for whatever anxiety disorder I probably have but just haven't gotten around to it). I was hoping to let him decompress when he got home from work before I brought the topic up, but he knows I overly deep clean when I get nervous so when he walked through the door and saw me taking a toothbrush to our oven he knew something was up and asked about it. Obviously I didn't take notes on exactly what was said but I'll do my best to paraphrase. I started out by saying "don't freak out, this isn't anything super serious, it's just me being classic Jane" I then went on to explain that I was extremely sorry for invading his privacy but that I looked up his account and read some of his comments and he interrupted me by...laughing He didn't just laugh, this motherfucker(said with love, I'm not actually mad) saw what a wreck I was and had the audacity to GUFFAW loud enough to startle me. He then said "so that WAS you!" You guys were right, he found my original post. I feel silly for thinking he wouldn't, but I figured it wouldn't get as popular as it did and between him spending most of the day at work instead of on Reddit and saying he wasn't a fan of subreddits like these that he would somehow miss it. In my defense I had changed enough details about our lives that he wasn't totally sure until I told him I found his account, but yeah he had his suspicions. He sat me down at this point and basically said "I know you well enough to know you don't actually want kids, this is just a phase." I won't go into details because it's pretty personal, but he presented his arguments for why he thinks that and he is 100% right. He then followed up with "I don't think you interpreted what I wrote correctly" He doesn't want to share his account with everyone so I won't copy/paste the comment, but when he wrote that he loved me more than he wanted kids he didn't mean that he was giving up that life just to make me happy. He meant that being with me completely changed his outlook. Us being together meant that we could travel anywhere we want together, have romantic dates where we stay out as late as we want, get freaky until 4am without worrying about being too loud or having to wake up a few hours later to our child crying for breakfast. He realized he didn't want kids when he married me because he didn't want to share our life together with anyone else. When I asked him why he said he felt heartbroken that he "couldn't have both", he explained that he didn't articulate that comment very well. He wasn't necessarily heartbroken that he could never have children of his own, but rather he was grieving the loss of his imaginary children and a mentality he held onto for his entire life up until he changed his mind. I imagine it felt a little bit like my freak out in the original post where I was scared and confused by my own 'change of heart' but on a bigger scale over a longer period of time. That one's a little tricky to paraphrase and may not make sense to some people, but the way he explained it made complete sense I swear haha. Anyway, everything went smoothly and we decided by the end of our conversation to stick with having no kids, but will regularly check in with each other about it in case we ever change our minds. TL;DR: finally had the talk, husband explained his side and all is right with the world again. And he was not mad I found his reddit account, if anything he found it kind of amusing **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **gypsytron** >This sounds wonderful, but I would like to point out in your last post, you had entirely written of kids because of fear. Given the actual opportunity to daydream on it, you were 100% into it. I think you should give it a serious consideration. You two are in the time window when it would be best to get going on this. You are in the best place a person could probably be to do it. It gets a bad rap from people online, but I seriously cannot express enough how much I love being a parent. Maybe it isn’t for you. Fair enough. I am not sure. You really sounded like you were into it until you convinced yourself otherwise. Having a kid forces you to give up a lot of the things you enjoy, in exchange for something that will truly make you happy… If you are one of the people built for it. Sorta sounds like you are. If it’s just fear holding you back, think of it again. I am sure this will get attacked, but I think you should write about it, and maybe talk to a therapist about it. Just my 2¢. Good luck either way **OOP replied** >>It's definitely something that will be a bigger blip on our radar because of this whole ordeal, meaning we'll check in with each other every now and then to see where we stand. >>That being said, I promise you he made total sense of why I started thinking that way despite my overall stance probably not having changed. It's really tough to explain/give validity to his claim without sharing what he said, but it's a bit too personal so I'd rather not share. >>And just in case anyone starts worrying: he did not coerce or pressure me into rejecting these thoughts. He just knows me better than I know myself and once we talked it clicked with me and the baby fever completely disappeared **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

TIFU by stalking my husband's reddit account

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1712mr5/tifu_by_stalking_my_husbands_reddit_account/

171jib6

**I am NOT the OP, this is a repost.** Trigger warnings: >!one of the most emotionally constipated people on earth, otherwise NONE!< Original by u/maybeabigotthrow (May 10th 2016) [**Me \[22M\] with my roommate of 1 year \[23M\], I'm worried I might be homophobic towards him?**](https://np.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4iowpi/me_22m_with_my_roommate_of_1_year_23m_im_worried) First things first, let me say that I’ve never thought of myself as being discriminatory before. I had a gay friend in high school and we made it through some tough times together, I never felt weird about him dating a guy. So all of this is coming out of nowhere. "Alex” has been my roommate for one year, and I pretty much knew upfront about him being gay. At some point we became friendly enough with each other that we could even joke about it, as in, sometimes he’ll pretend to flirt with me and I’ll pretend to flirt back. I’m straight and he knows that, but I don’t feel threatened by him flirting with me and he says most straight guys do. The problems started because of this: Alex brings guys home sometimes. At the start I thought I was okay with it, since it’s really not my business who he sleeps with. He’s usually discreet enough about it that I don’t see/hear anything I wouldn’t want to see/hear from anyone else, but for some reason I’ve started feeling weird if I even see him with other guys. I don’t know when it started but one time that really sticks out to me is when I came home and saw him and some guy making out on the couch. I don’t know how to describe what it was like to see that, except that for a moment I felt so bad I thought I was going to throw up. Alex was embarrassed (he didn’t think I’d be back for a while), but I told him it was okay since I was embarrassed too. I felt bad for being as disgusted as I was, since there’s NO good reason for me to have a reaction like that. I thought maybe they just caught me by surprise and that’s why I reacted so strongly, but it turned out it wasn’t a one-time thing. After that, every time he has a guy over (not that often, but every once in a while) I just start feeling like shit and wishing that guy would leave, and I can’t stop thinking about what these guys might have done to him even though I don’t want to imagine that. It makes me really uncomfortable and grossed out. And these are just guys he fools around with, I don’t know what I’d do if he ends up getting an actual boyfriend. Alex has started to notice and it’s affecting our friendship. The other day I came home right when some guy was about to leave, and the guy tried to be polite to me but I ended up being rude to him (don’t remember what I said, but it was really obvious I was pissed). When the guy left, Alex asked me why I was being an asshole. I didn’t know what to say, but then he asked if I had a problem with him sleeping with other guys. I said no. For some reason that pissed him off more and he said I can’t complain since I used to bring my fuckbuddy over and he was forced to see me being affectionate with her sometimes. (I was in an FWB situation with a girl in the early days of me and Alex living together, but I broke it off after a few months and I haven’t done anything with anyone since.) I agreed with him and told him I was just having a bad day and I don’t care who he sleeps with, but he looked more upset and told me he’s going to a friend’s place to cool off. I said okay. When he was leaving for some reason he casually said, “and you’ll be okay if I sleep with him as long as I do at his place and not ours, right?” Or something like that. I told him it’s none of my business what he does at someone else’s place, but when he said that I felt sick to my stomach and couldn’t stop thinking about it. He didn’t show up later that night even though he was supposed to hang out with me and my sister. He’s never blown me off before and it made me feel like shit, but part of it was my fault since I made him feel like I was judging him for sleeping with guys. Now he’s acting like nothing happened but I’m worried I might mess things up if it happens again. I want to keep him as a friend, but he’d be hurt if he knew that whenever I think about him with other guys it disgusts me. How do I deal with this? I’ve never been homophobic but I’ve suddenly developed some kind of homophobia where just the idea of my roommate’s sex life makes me uncomfortable. And I don’t react like this to other gay people either, it’s just Alex. I don’t know if this means I’m only okay with gay people as long as I’m not living with them or what. Does anyone else have experience with this? I want to get over myself and stop whatever this is, but if I can’t I’m going to have to leave since the last thing I want to do is hurt Alex, and if I stay here and keep automatically judging him for his lifestyle that’s what’s going to happen. tl;dr: Roommate is gay, I am not but I thought I was okay with him being gay until I realised I feel crappy when I see him with other guys and it’s started to affect our friendship. How to deal with this/stop being such a dick? **Relevant** [**Comment**](https://np.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4iowpi/me_22m_with_my_roommate_of_1_year_23m_im_worried/d2ztraz/) by u/nicolascageist: *are you sure that weird feeling isn't jealousy...? i mean, this only seems to revolve around Alex specifically* **OOP** [**Response**](https://np.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4iowpi/me_22m_with_my_roommate_of_1_year_23m_im_worried/d2ztyj7/): *I thought about that, but I don't know what I'm meant to be jealous of. He definitely has a more active sex life than I do, but reacting like this to something like that seems really strange and irrational.* **Relevant** [**Comment**](https://np.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4iowpi/me_22m_with_my_roommate_of_1_year_23m_im_worried/d2zui0g/) by u/nicolascageist: *But we humans aren't always rational. Are you 100% sure you're not into him at all yourself? It's also possible to have weird homophobic reactions to Alex only but I'd guess there'd be something more under the surface.* **OOP** [**Response**](https://np.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4iowpi/me_22m_with_my_roommate_of_1_year_23m_im_worried/d2zvk0j/): *If it was possible for me to be into him, wouldn't I have been into other guys before this? Alex likes to say that sexuality is fluid but he also talks about knowing he was gay when he was pretty young, so what you're saying seems kind of strange since I was only into women before.* **Relevant** [**Comment**](https://np.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4iowpi/me_22m_with_my_roommate_of_1_year_23m_im_worried/d2zvwso/) by u/nicolascageist: *Oh well there's always the first one :) everyone is different, Alex may have been aware of himself since forever but that doesn't mean everyone's like that. Tons of people realize they're not 100% straight muuuch later in life. I was 24 when I first fully realized that.* *Is your "disgust" directed at Alex or the other guys? Because from reading your post, it seems that your feelings towards Alex are the same and that's kinda why I thought maybe you're not 100% straight in this case lol.* **OOP** [**Response**](https://np.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4iowpi/me_22m_with_my_roommate_of_1_year_23m_im_worried/d2zwvin/): *It's hard to pinpoint but I think it's mostly the idea of him being with other guys that makes me feel disgusted. I think it's just them I resent. I can't imagine being disgusted by Alex specifically.* *Not really sure what to say to the rest of that, sorry. I might need to think about this.* Update (May 25th 2016) [**UPDATE: Me \[22M\] with my roommate of 1 year \[23M\], I'm worried I might be homophobic towards him?**](https://np.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4kz72i/update_me_22m_with_my_roommate_of_1_year_23m_im) The day I made the post, I met up with my sister Laura \[24F\] and I showed her the post. She read the whole thing and called me an oblivious walnut and said it sounds like I have a crush on Alex. The same conclusion some of you came to in the original post. Anyway, she talked me through it and we confirmed I’m not as straight as I thought I was. She also pointed out something in my original post, where I said the more I tried to reassure him I didn’t mind who he slept with, the more he got upset. Also: how he brought my old FWB situation into it. I just thought he was understandably mad with me for being an asshole, but Laura thought it sounded like maybe Alex wanted me to be jealous? We moved on from that topic pretty quickly, though, since I couldn’t really handle the implications of that when I’d JUST started to understand that I like this guy. The next few days were mostly me sitting on my ass trying to wrap my head around everything. I was scared of messing up our friendship and losing him, but I was even more scared that I might just let this pass without saying anything and then he gets a boyfriend and I have to see him with another guy…etc. Because if that happened I would probably have to end it anyway, since as we’ve established, I’m not great at dealing with him being with other guys. Probably could have planned it better, but I told him. Right after a Tarantino marathon, if anyone’s interested, since nothing says romance like graphic violence. I told him I’ve been such a dick because I was jealous. I don’t think he got what I was getting at because he just laughed a little and said I didn’t have to be jealous since it wasn’t like I’d have any trouble finding people to sleep with me. No clue how I explained, it’s a blur. Luckily he saw how nervous I was so he knew I was serious. We talked. Long story short: all that flirting was real, but Alex didn’t have any hope of it going further because of me being an oblivious “straight” guy. So he’s been trying to get over me. He laughed really hard when I told him about how I mistook my jealousy for homophobia, and he teased me by saying he’d never expected me to be the jealous type. Then again, we both ended up laughing a lot of out of nervousness and awkwardness. I’ve never seen him like that before since he’s usually pretty confident. In the end we agreed to maybe try something out, and we kissed. Never kissed anyone with a beard before, so…interesting experience, but also really good. (Plot twist: it turns out I don’t have any problem with Alex kissing guys if it’s me he’s kissing.) Since then we’ve kind of been easing into the whole dating thing, I guess? I know this place is wary about roommate relationships and I get why, but it’s been great so far. We had our first proper date last weekend and it was incredible, though a bit weird since we’ve done that a thousand times already and this time there was a new context. At home we still do our normal thing, but sometimes we get distracted. Last night I almost burned dinner because I had to kiss him and we got kind of carried away, haha. We’re taking the whole sex thing slow though since I’ve never done anything with another guy before. I’m a little worried about coming out to my family and my other friends, especially since this is almost as new for me as it would be for them. My parents are very openminded and my mom especially loves Alex. But I have some more conservative family members on my dad’s side, and I can already imagine them blaming Alex for turning me gay. They can also be pretty racist (Laura’s boyfriend is Latino so she knows all about that) and Alex is mixed. It’s something to think about in the longterm, I guess. Alex has said he doesn’t expect me to jump out of the closet right away, but if we end up calling ourselves a couple then I’m not going to keep him a secret or anything. So…we’re trying. And I am not a homophobe, and nobody needed therapy. Honestly, I can’t remember the last time I was this happy, and I never would have expected this when I made that first post. It’s a good thing some of you picked up on the actual problem and tried to get it through to me despite me being an oblivious walnut, so…thanks, guys. **Relevant** [**Comment**](https://np.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4kz72i/update_me_22m_with_my_roommate_of_1_year_23m_im/d3j4q5l/) by u/nicolascageist: *Oh man, I'm so happy my suspicions turned out to be true and everything turned out well! Kinda funny how your sister shared my thoughts exactly, I just didn't want to scare you with being too straightforward in your last post (lol). Thanks for the update!* **OOP** [**Response**](https://np.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4kz72i/update_me_22m_with_my_roommate_of_1_year_23m_im/d3j4wtz/): *Yeah, you totally called it before anyone else! I actually reread my comment thread with you and cringed a little at how clueless I sound..."me??? Jealous??? Why would I be JEALOUS???" Haha. Fortunately I have my head on straight now...or not straight, you know what I mean. Thanks a bunch.* \~\~\~ *Note: the first post was flaired as "Non-Romantic" which is hysterical given the update.* *The two posts were deleted by the author but you can still see their responses on* [*their Reddit profile*](https://np.reddit.com//user/maybeabigotthrow)*. Text provided via a writeup on Gay Star News (also deleted, but recovered via* [*Wayback Machine*](https://web.archive.org/web/20201126025506/https://www.gaystarnews.com/article/straight-guy-worries-hes-homophobic-gay-roommate-ends-falling-love/)*).* **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Me [22M] with my roommate of 1 year [23M], I'm worried I might be homophobic towards him?

CONCLUDED

pineyapples

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/171jib6/me_22m_with_my_roommate_of_1_year_23m_im_worried/

171mk81

I am not the OP. OP is u/no_possession1846 and she posted on r/AmItheAsshole. Important Trigger Warning: >!Childhood physical and sexual abuse!< [First post (post was deleted, comments were not) made on July 20th, 2022 on r/AmItheAsshole.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w3d99a/aita_for_accidentally_telling_my_fiance_i_hate/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) [Wayback Machine copy of post.](https://web.archive.org/web/20220720084024/https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w3d99a/aita_for_accidentally_telling_my_fiance_i_hate/) **AITA for ACCIDENTALLY telling my fiancé I hate his sister and she won't be a part of my wedding?** This situation is literally RIDICULOUS but this whole thing has caused almost nuclear warfare across the family so I'm here to get a consensus. Throwaway for privacy even though there's a good chance my fiancé will see it. I (26 F) have been with my fiancé Chris (26 M) for four years now. He and his sister (21 F) Lilac are VERY close. They had a pretty traumatic childhood and always promised each other to be there no matter what. Lilac is a good sister to him but as a person, truthfully, I can't stand her. She is literally the textbook definition of a bubbly blonde. She is overly charismatic, always giggling, and in general, just acts too immature for my taste. She likes to pull pranks every once in a while on my fiancé and he gets her back but the whole ordeal just seems childish and obnoxious to me. Ever since we got engaged, I knew I didn't want her in my wedding party because that means I'd have to spend time with her at my bachelorette and other parties. Fast forward to last night and my fiance asks me when I plan on asking Lilac to be a bridesmaid. I got quiet and truthfully said I didn't plan on doing so. This upset him because he said wants his sister to be a part of the most important day of his life and that if I didn't do it he was going to make her a “groomswoman” to make sure she is included. I can't lie, this set me off. I went off about how I want to feel respected by him and be able to enjoy my wedding day. He said he also wants to enjoy his day, which to be fair, I understand. This is where I may be TA, I told him that I have always disliked his sister and wished he would just not include her for once on a day that isn't even about her. He got quiet and went into our guest room to be alone. A couple of minutes later I got a text from Lilac that she completely respects my decision to not want her in the wedding party but she's hurt to know what I actually feel about her. I didn't want her to find out at all and now he's told his whole family about our argument. Half of them are attacking me and half of them are saying it's my day so I should be able to enjoy it. Honestly, this whole ordeal is stressful for no reason because Lilac isn't even upset I don't want her in my wedding party yet the whole family is upset and my fiance has been very short with me all day. AITA? Edit: Just because I hate her personality doesn't mean I'm mean to her. Being around her drains my social battery but I have never been mean to her nor did I want her to find out ever, especially in this way. I am just super introverted and our personalities collide. I don't want her at my bachelorette party because I want to enjoy it fully and not feel anxious the whole time because the personification of a human firecracker is attending. Update: I am probably going to make this my only update for a while if not ever. We talked this morning, sorry for not posting it earlier, my wifi company has been having some issues. We still are not resolved. He doesn't just want her as a groomswoman but wants to ask her to be the "bestwoman" (best man but as a woman). This is still not resolved because I am not comfortable with that and it's more stressful because the whole family has turned into flying monkeys because his sister is the apple of their eye, so they took what I said as a serious attack against her. [Post made the same day on Relationship Advice (again, post deleted, comments remain).](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/w3wats/deleted_by_user/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) [Wayback Machine copy of post.](https://web.archive.org/web/20220720214724/https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/w3wats/i_26_f_told_my_fiance_26_m_i_cant_stand_his/) **I (26 F) told my fiancé (26 M) I can't stand his sister and refused to put her in my bridal party.** I need advice on what to do next because I feel completely lost on what to do. I (26 F) made a post about this on another forum but now I need advice because of the fallout. I got engaged to my partner of four years Chris (26 M) a couple of months ago. To be honest, I can't stand his sister (21 F) for the life of me. She's just too much and the Ditzy blonde personality doesn't mesh well with my introvertedness. I told him I did not want her in my bridal party because I'd have to spend time with her at my bachelorette party and I want to enjoy myself. He got upset and said that he would make her a groomsman and recently said he wants her to be the bestwoman, which I am not comfortable with. This has caused a massive argument between not only me and him but his family as well. He also told his sister what I said, so now her feelings are hurt as well. Any sort of advice is appreciated. &#x200B; *Post was deleted but the majority of judgements are YTA. Unlike most posters who are overwhelmingly voted the AH, OOP continues to engage in the comments and make updates.* *OOP made a now deleted comment that gives critical info on the nature of the trauma that Chris and Lilac endured.* [*Link to Unddit recovery of comment.*](https://imgur.com/a/HsoJQeH) Triger Warning: >!Childhood sexual and physical abuse!< \>!I agree that it is probably that. (TW) as a kid she was raped by her father almost every day and growing up he used to try to defend her and ended up (obviously) getting the shit beat out of him by his dad as a consequence so I understand where his need to protect her is coming from but it's damaging our relationship. Shes an adult who can use her big girl words to communicate if she needs his help. It just worries me that he treats her like a helpless puppy.!< *More info from OOP’s comments:* *A comment asked for an example of how fiancé's and sister's relationship is inappropriate:* Response: About a month ago she went drinking with her friends in the state over. He was so paranoid all night, he wouldn't drink alcohol or even relax because "what if something happens and I need to go get her she is an inexperienced drinker!" we couldn't even have intimate time that night because he was so anxious. *A comment asks for clarification on how the sister is overinvolved in their lives and if she is usually included in activities that OOP has with her fiancé:* Quite often, yes. They are pretty much attached at the hip. Edit: I feel I should add more context to that comment. He invites her over EVERY Friday night and they do takeout /Mario Kart nights. Her rowdiness causes him to do the same and it's hard to relax when you have two adults yelling at each other while playing video games. She also gets him going with the same annoying verbiage she uses. She tends to develop random catchphrases. Recently it's been "get googed" don't even know what it means but my fiancé will start repeating it as well. *OOP adds the following in another comment:* He spends every Thursday and Sunday night at her place so I don't know if they'd be willing to move to her boyfriend and hers place 100% but I should communicate it bothers me. *A comment asks why OOP is not comfortable with Lilac being best woman?* Response: I just want my wedding to be about me and my husband. Not her, me, and my husband. It'd be nice to see him prioritizing my feelings instead of hers for once, especially on our big day. *Second update added to the AITA post.* Second Update: He called me about two hours ago (he is currently staying at Lilacs) and asked if we could talk, I obliged and it was a very difficult talk, to say the least. I asked him to come home and he rejected. Firstly, he apologized for telling his family and said it was a rash mistake he made in the heat of the moment. Then he said that if I wasn't willing to have her as a bridesmaid that it is unfair of me to ask him to not have her as his bestwoman and that he is not willing to compromise his sister's role in our wedding. This made me cry and tell him that I am tired of feeling second place next to another woman and that I was going to be his wife so I wanted to feel like he had my back when I needed him. This really upset him and he said that as Lilacs big brother he is also supposed to have her back when she needs him and she needs him now when the supposed love of his life is blindsiding him with hurtful information about her. He told me that it was true, he does put Lilac first and he won't stop because he raised her. He said that he is willing to go to couples counseling, but first I need to apologize to Lilac for what I said and stop griping over the fact he wants her as his bestwoman. The call was filled with lots of tears and we finally decided to give it a rest and talk tomorrow so that we could both process what was going on. Final update made July 26th, 2022 (deleted before comments can be made). [Wayback Machine copy of original.](https://web.archive.org/web/20220726192442/https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/w8si6o/update_aita_for_accidentally_telling_my_fiance_i/) **Update: AITA for ACCIDENTALLY telling my fiancé I hate his sister and she won’t be a part of my wedding?** So it's been a week and I feel like it might be ok to do an update now. Just to not waste anyone's time, yes, me and Chris are no longer together. After our initial fight, he decided to stay with his sister, and through that Lilac ended up reaching out to me, and apologizing for ruining our relationship/her family hounding me for what I said. She invited me out for brunch the following day so we could talk things over and it went well. The conversation was very long so I just want to include the important points. I apologized to her for taking out my feelings on her because he is the one who allows her to disrespect our relationship and she apologized for not coming directly to me to make sure I wasn't uncomfortable about anything that she was doing. I also said that while what I said was true, it was harsh and I never wanted her to know how I felt. She told me I had nothing to apologize for and that she wasn't expecting me to like her, just be kind to her. She also told me that if the wedding did continue she would stay out of both bride/groom sides out of respect for my wishes. Now onto that, yes as I said in the beginning Chris and I are no longer a couple. He stayed with Lilac for most of the week and invited me out for dinner the other night. During dinner, I offered the prospect of postponing the wedding and seeking couples counseling. Firstly, he apologized for running off to his family during our argument. He denied couples counseling and said that while he will continue therapy to fix his trauma bond with his sister it was not something he wanted to do with me. He said that even if he does completely heal himself that he wants someone in his life who loves his family, specifically his sister as much as he does. He said he truly loves me but that we were not the best match for each other. He told me I was more than welcome to keep the ring and because our current home is under his name he told me that he would give me two months to move out, and would be happy to extend it if I was having a hard time. This obviously hurt a lot so I've spent a lot of my time trying to heal and find an apartment. So yeah, that's the update. \*\*Reminder - I am not the original poster.\*\*

AITA for ACCIDENTALLY telling my fiancé I hate his sister and she won't be a part of my wedding?

REPOST

G1Gestalt

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/171mk81/aita_for_accidentally_telling_my_fiancé_i_hate/

171v3w3

**I am NOT OOP. OOP posted to two accounts,** one deleted and u/Densepart2 **My wife wants a baby but I’m afraid she will stop loving the kids we have now** **Originally posted to** r/TwoHotTakes **Editor’s Note: Added spaces in the original post text to make it readable recovered by AutoMod Text at r/AmItheDevil** Trigger Warnings: >!teen parenting, emotional manipulation, emotional abuse, bullying, racism, and physical abuse!< --- &nbsp; ***Posted from the first account that was deleted*** [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/16b22m3/my_wife_wants_a_baby_but_im_afraid_she_will_stop/) - **September 5, 2023** When I was 15 i went to my first party I ended losing my virginity. I later found out she was pregnant. She wanted to abort but when my parents found out they were against the abortion and ended up convincing her to keep the pregnancy and we would pay her for it and when babies would be born she can sign away her parental rights and we’d never bother her. Which is what happened. She gave birth to my twin boys that I love dearly. We were pretty well off so I had a nanny and it never slowed down my education. In college I(22)met my now wife H(20), I instantly fell in love with her, she was beautiful, very smart and oddly skilled with knives. She was very caring and some times into our relationship I told her I had kids and she was fine with it. Later in our relationship she met the boys and they fell in love with each other quickly. We later got married at 25 and 23 and she moved in. The boys loved and cared for her. They would nap with her and even even on her periods where she would have some bad cramps they would take turns feeding her while one lays on her stomach for the warmth and pressure. They would give her lots of kisses and hugs and truly I was so happy to see my 3 favorite people get along. I’m a pale man with white hair and my boys favored that while my wife is a dark skin women. Once, my wife dropped off the boys and kissed them and their classmates picked on them for having a black mom and to retaliate they said she was their nanny. We talked about it and my wife chose to never accompany them to school again. My wife has this trip that she has always wanted to go on this trip with her kids and has dreamed of this since she was a kid and went with her parents. She told me about it and we went together to go visit the place first she hasn’t seen it in a long time and wanted to make sure it looked same as she remembered and 2 to don’t trust her anymore since the last time she suggested a place she used to love we ended up in strip club for disabled people. She was even more excited to take the boys and she made matching clothes for them and boys helped her. 5 months ago I celebrated my 7 year wedding anniversary with my wife and posted it. It was great until one of my kid’s classmates found it and showed other people and my boys started getting picked on for having a black mom and especially one “so dark”. They were lashing out at my wife and saying very racist and disrespectful things to her. 2 months later I got a call from a woman who claimed to be the mother of my children and surly enough it was true. We’ll call her b. She came back saying she wanted to check up on the boys and see how they were doing. I talked to my wife about this and she figured it would be good for the boys to meet their biological mom. They met and a month later my wife’s trip was approaching. The boys suggested that B comes along but there was only 4 tickets and this trip has been planned out and book 3 years prior and it would be difficult to accommodate a fifth person since for most of the events, tickets were sold out. My older son suggested B comes instead of my wife since it’s a family trip. My wife started to beg and plead with them that they had been planning this trip for a long time and it was their trip. I told the boys that, B would not be going on this trip. I went on a business trip for 2 the next day and while I was away. There was a party the boys asked to go to that I specifically said no to and instructed my wife to not let them go either. The boys tried to go when my wife reminded them of what I said, and they told her she wasn’t their mother and to stop acting like it. My repeated that it was order and she couldn’t let them go. The boys blamed her for their bio mom not being able to go to the trip and long story short one of my boys slapped her. I came home Saturday morning as I always do because everyone is home and they all wake up early to come greet me and my wife would usually be making something delicious with loud music playing and my boys would be arguing over something and they would always run to hug me. This time I came the house was quiet, no one was downstairs, I went to check on the boys and they were in a bad mood and I went to find my wife and she was in bed just laying there. I later found out what happened and scolded the boys and canceled the trip. They begged and pleaded with me and apologized to my wife. She said there was no need to cancel the trip since I spent so much money on it. So I suggested she goes with B and the boys. She pointed out some safety concerns since we don’t really know b as well and she’s not exactly strong so she forced me to go. While on the trip I called her a lot but she preferred to text. A week later we got back and noticed the plants were dry even though my wife’s prides herself in her garden. the inside looked exactly as it was when we left. I checked our house alarm system and noticed the door hadn’t been opened since it closed when we left. I found my wife laying in her sewing room with all of my alcohols even though she had never drink any before and I also noticed all of the clothes she made for the trip had been cut apart. She continued not to speak or move for the next 2 days so I had to bathe her but she wouldn’t take any food. After some time she started to eat and hold me back when I would hug her and we finally talked. I apologized for everything that has happened and she accepted my apology and forgave the boys. I noticed the 2 days that followed that she didn’t really speak to the boys like she used to. She hasn’t hugged them, kissed them, or made any cute comments about how much she loved them. A Friday also passed and she usually does game nights but she hasn’t. I confronted her and she told me she wasn’t their mother, and her job was to make sure they were taken care of and she wasn’t hurting them in any way. It has been like that since, the house is quiet, our relationship is back to normal and she’s affectionate towards me and everything but she’s not like that with the kids. A backstory about my wife, she has always wanted kids. She wanted only 2 kids to be specific because she didn’t want to drive a minivan. Before we got married we talked about the kids and she told me she didn’t want any since she now has 2 which are boys. I asked twice after that because I make enough and we have a 6 bedroom house so It wouldn’t be a problem. But she gave me the same answer telling she already has 2 kids. Today she told me wanted a baby. I feel if I do agree she will completely let go of the kids we have now. How should I go about this? Has anyone else who’s remarried had an issue with their kids not getting along with new partner? &nbsp; ***Posted to u/Densepart2*** [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/16edpof/my_wife_wants_a_baby_but_im_afraid_she_will_stop/) - **September 9, 2023 (Four days later)** I deleted my account because there was just so much being said and I needed some time. I took the advice that everyone suggested. Here is an explanation that I didn’t have before. Last school year the boys took a trip to DC where they stayed with their friend whose uncle was dating B. … They talked and b told them how she has been looking for them and missed them and etc. everything was going well, they were telling her about their lives and how they live basically telling them how well off we were. And then they mentioned my wife and she was telling me about how she was happy for my wife but she has always loved me. It’s important to note we didn’t know each others names until my parents were involved. So reading this, it was odd. She basically told them how she has been trying to fix our relationship but I moved on. And I guess this is where the hate towards my wife started. I arranged a meeting with B and the boys and asked b in front of them if she wanted custody. She went on a long rant about how she doesn’t have any money and how she wouldn’t want the boys to change their lifestyles living with her. As much as I didn’t want to, I showed the boys the contract she signed. And told them how she wanted an abortions and we had to PAY her to keep the pregnancy. I told her since she wanted to be in the boys lives, I wouldn’t mind it but we could have split custody and I wouldn’t pay her any child support and the boys are being cutoff financially until they can earn it. So she won’t be having access to my money. She agreed in front of the boys and left saying the boys can come stay with her in DC. We haven’t heard from her since. She’s blocked the boys and me. Both boys will be going into to address their issues with the bullying and this whole situation. Something I should have done a long time ago, I know. She said she didn’t hate me or the boys but that trip is still something she wants to do with her kids. She still loves the boys and has told me how sad she feels when she sees them trying to call b. I know that right they just want to be held by her but I don’t think that’s something my wife wants to do and I’m certainly not going to make her. I’m sending her to Florida for the moment, so she can be away from this. And we can get therapy and hopefully when she’s back she will feel a difference. So points to address: I have never hit my wife and I truly do adore her. I have never dealt with conflicts with the kids or a situation like this and this was all new to me. I wasn’t looking for sympathy, simply a new perspective since none and my wife have a thing where we don’t like telling people our personal problems. Thank you for those that were supportive and gave advice. I know there are other people posting an update that aren’t me but this is the real account. I have proof from screenshots I have taken of what people sent me in messages and notifications. **Relevant Comment from OOP:** *Question: was the party a high school party or a college party? I’m having issues grasping why a grown ass woman is around a large group of teenagers and sleeping with said teenagers* > **OP:** It was a “high school” was hosted by a classmate and they also invited college students &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP**

My wife wants a baby but I’m afraid she will stop loving the kids we have now

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/171v3w3/my_wife_wants_a_baby_but_im_afraid_she_will_stop/

171wru2

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/throwaway4meeeeeee86 **Originally posted to** r/AmITheAsshole, r/EstrangedAdultChild, r/entitledparents, and their own profile. **AITA for not allowing my mother to bring her boyfriend I don't know or want to know to my wedding?** Trigger Warnings: >!potential grooming, emotional manipulation, emotional abuse, physical abuse, verbal abuse, domestic violence, and alcoholism!< Mood Spoilers: >!Frustrated!< --- &nbsp; [**AITA for not allowing my mother to bring her boyfriend I don't know or want to know to my wedding?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15zb0wx/aita_for_not_allowing_my_mother_to_bring_her/) - **August 23, 2023** I (33NB) am not close with my mother (55f) at all. She divorced my dad (60) when I was 7 and almost immediately married my stepfather "Mark" whom despite everything, I was close with. They remained married until I was 16. I was upset when she divorced him and went to live with my dad and stepmom. In my adult life, I've chosen to remain close to my stepdad and even attended his wedding to his current wife, who is a very nice woman. My dad and my stepmom are great people. Since her divorce to my stepdad, my mom has been in and out of relationships, each time claiming this guy is the love of her life until they do something she doesn't like and they aren't the love of her life anymore. Both divorces with my dad and my stepdad were for very petty reasons (dad, I think because he wouldn't allow her to get a new car because the budget was tight). I think the one that lasted the longest was 6 years and I think it's the current guy she's with, according to my sister. After I left home, she never did anything with me without her boyfriends. When I was 25, she broke up with her boyfriend and tried to cry to me about it. After working with my therapist, I set the boundary with my mother that if she wasn't willing to do anything with me without her boyfriend to not bother and I didn't want to talk about her love life. She was very hurt and we fell out for awhile but she came back around about a year later and has respected my rule since but we only get together about 3 or 4 times per year. I understand that my mom's relationships and love life are important to her so I respect that we don't get together often. Fast forward to this year, I'm getting married to my partner (35M) of a decade in October. It's a small intimate backyard wedding and reception/bbq. We live in a rural area and our backyard wedding will have roughly 40 people. My dad, stepmom, stepdad and his new wife have all been invited. My mom asked if she could bring her boyfriend, I said no because I don't know him. My mom asked if she could bring him to meet me so I could meet him before the wedding. I said no and that I still had no interest in meeting her boyfriends. She said she understood but she felt it was unfair that I wasn't allowing her a +1 to my wedding when my dad and my stepdad were allowed to bring their spouses. I told her that the difference was that I knew their spouses. She wanted to know why I was so adamant about refusing to get to know her boyfriend. I explained to her that I saw no need since she'd just break up with them and move on to someone else eventually as she has always done before. She started to cry and told me I was being unreasonable and treating her as if she's a wh**e. Both my fiance and my sister feel like I should suck it up for one day and let her bring her boyfriend so she can be comfortable there. I'm seriously considering it but I wanted to know if I'm TA here for sticking to my boundary at my wedding and what your thoughts are. UPDATE: After reading everything here, I've decided to email my mother and invite him. I was already leaning towards telling her that he can come when I posted. I decided to set some ground rules for my mother: 1. He is there as a +1 to my mother only. I made it clear to her that he is not my family and he is not my stepfather so I will appreciate her not telling other people at the wedding he is my stepfather. Mark is my stepfather and he will be there. 2. He is not to be in any family photos (in fairness, my stepdad Mark won't be in any family photos either, only my mom, dad, stepmom, and my siblings). 3. He is not to approach me at any point during the wedding and reception. 4. This does not change my previous boundaries. I'm only allowing him to come for her own comfort and to create a sense of fairness. I respect the fact she is in a relationship but that her love life has nothing to do with me and I wish to keep it that way. 5. I told my mother that these are my terms for him being at my wedding and my terms are final and that I hope she can respect the fact that I'm trying to be reasonable. I used this opportunity to remind her the reasons I put the boundary up in the first place. These reasons included forcing me to do activities with her shorter term boyfriends in the past, forcing me to only discuss her love life while showing no interest in my life, and putting her relationships above her own children. If she responds, I'll let everyone know. Update 2: My mom called me within 10 minutes of getting the email. She thanked me for allowing him to come and said they would abide by my terms. She said she felt really hurt that during her actions during her "mid-life crisis" are why I'm refusing to meet her current boyfriend (who she says she's been with for 7.5 years) and that she thought things would eventually calm down enough where I would be comfortable meeting him. She said she now realizes that it will never happen. I told her that I'm firm on my stance. I think she started to cry but she said she understood and only wants him there because being around my dad and stepdad and their "new" wives (my dad has been married for 23 years and my stepdad for 12) makes her anxious and he helps keep her calm. She said she respects my stance and said it's her own fault I feel this way. I felt this may be the start of a guilt trip so I politely ended the call. **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** &nbsp; **Additional comments to the post from OOP:** >**OP:** >Update: I will update here since mods told me I was maxed on my post. > >I want to thank everyone here for commenting and giving their opinions. Without context, I think it's a little hard to understand why I'm the way I am towards my mother. This past has given me a chance to reflect on my own behavior towards my mother. The truth of it is, I find dealing with her to be exhausting and I want to explain to everyone why. > >1) My mom is a gold digger. And that isn't my dad or stepdad talking shit about my mom. They're classy guys and would never do that. This is my own conclusion. My mom said regarding both divorces "I'd still be married if [dad or stepdad] just gave me what I wanted." She's also tried to start fights with my stepmom because she realizes my brother and I prefer her over our actual mom. It's true, I'm closer with my stepmom. I go to her for all the mom things because she listens and cares. My stepmom doesn't make every thing about her. I believe my mom suffers from main character syndrome and expects to be the center of attention at every event and if she isn't, she gets drunk which leads me to my next point... > >2) My mom is an alcoholic. She was in a DUI 8 years ago and crashed into another car. Thank goodness no one was hurt. She doesn't drive anymore, lives in the city an hour away, and uses public transportation. But she still drinks a lot, at her height, she drank roughly 3 bottles of wine per day. I don't really know or care if it's more or less now. One of the other boundaries I set is I won't be around her if she's been drinking because that just stresses me out more. I'll be honest, I'm anticipating she's going to cause a drunken scene at my wedding. > >3) She slept with my brother's best friend 8 years ago when they were 21. This was a boy who my brother had known since pre-school and this ruined the friendship. 8 years on and my brother will never forgive her for it. My mom thinks my brother needs to get over himself and that she did nothing wrong. Technically speaking, she didn't do anything illegal and everyone was a consenting adult but it still felt so wrong that she slept with someone my brother was so close with. It's why I don't really want my partner around her. She dates younger guys. This current boyfriend is 10 years younger than her, which is a little better. I don't judge her for dating younger guys, that's okay. It's not okay to sleep with someone you watched grow up. > >This whole post helped me see just how exhausted I am by her. I realized I don't want to deal with her BS anymore. I also agree that I have maybe at times shown it by being TA and being unfair and unreasonable towards her. I just don't like myself when dealing with her. It puts me in a bad mood. However, the idea of having her more in my life makes me nauseous but I want to keep the peace with the larger family (grandparents, aunt, uncle, etc.). I've decided to take a page from my youngest brother's book and keep contact to just family functions. He's cordial to her at family events and keeps the peace when he's around her but he keeps his distance and won't see her outside of a family event. So I'm going to do the same. I realized she could get sober, go to therapy, and change her entire life around but I'm still going to see the woman who drinks all the time, sleeps with my brother's friend and just treats people like garbage. It's not fair to anyone; not me for having dealt with her, and not her if she ever did or was actively working hard to change her life. I do want to make sure she's taken care of, fine, and healthy but I also want to not be emotionally involved anymore. Figuring that out is above Reddit's paygrade. &nbsp; **Relevant Comments from OOP:** ***Resident_Test_2107:** Honestly I think you need to distinguish the hurt you felt as a kid when she broke up with your 2 father figures from what would happen now if they broke up. You are an adult, not a kid. Her break ups are her business, and don’t impact you directly. Expecting someone to come to a wedding with her two exes there with their new wives is ALOT. Expecting her to suck it up to put you first feels like you are trying to play out some drama and feelings you have left over from feeling hurt/abandoned as a kid by her breaking up your home. Divorce happens, it sucks for the kids but so does an unhappy marriage. Feels like time to go back to therapy* >**OP:** In my early 20s, she used to call me whenever she had a breakup and expected my sister and me to be emotionally supportive. She wouldn't spend time with me without her bfs around. She was insisting I meet some guy (who typically is a lot younger than her, like late 20s, or early 30s which good on her but still weird for me) she was dating for a few weeks. They'd break up after a year and she'd immediately find someone new. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. This was the pattern from when I was 19-25. I always had to spend time with both of them. All she would talk about is her relationship. She would never ask me about school, my job or my relationship. She's only met my partner twice. There's a lot more I can add about how my mom constantly prioritized her relationships over being a parent but they aren't pertinent to this story. > >She got with a really toxic guy when I was 24 who stole a bunch of money from her. We all warned her he was a scumbag but she didn't listen. After that, I told her I wanted nothing to do with her boyfriends going forward. She got really mad saying I was disrespectful and that any child should want to see her mother happy. But I just got tired of dealing with her relationship drama and I don't ever want to deal with it again. I'm sure the guy she's with is nice since he's been around this long but I'm just done. &nbsp; [**I don't want to be around my mother but I want to be around family**](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/163omu4/i_dont_want_to_be_around_my_mother_but_i_want_to/) - **August 28, 2023 (Five days later)** I posted last week in r/AmItheAsshole and I got some personal messages telling me I should check out this forum. I've decided to estrange myself from my mother. We haven't gotten along since I was 16 and the last several years have been really bad. We only get together about 2-4 times per year and it always ends with us fighting. I'm tired of it. I'll be honest. I've considered many times cutting contact with her but the one thing that's preventing me from fully severing ties is her parents - my grandparents. I love them very much and they are still hurting from my brother choosing to sever ties with her and keeping in low contact with that side of the family. My brother had valid reasons for doing this to her and he will get together with my grandparents if my mother isn't there but it's hard because they want to see him at the holidays and during special moments. I'm getting married in Oct and this will be the 1st event where my mom and brother are in the same area (I've told both of them to stay away from each other but I'm anticipating there will be drama because my mom doesn't like to hear she can't do something). I want to make it so we can see each other and be cordial at family events but not hang out otherwise. My youngest brother does something similar. I don't want to write her a letter because I fear that will cause more drama but I expect she'll eventually call and want to do something with me but I want to say no unless it's at a larger family function. How should I do this? &nbsp; [**My mother thinks she's entitled to alcohol at my wedding**](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/16qavjn/my_mother_thinks_shes_entitled_to_alcohol_at_my/) - **September 23, 2023 (A month later)** My fiance (35M) and I 33(NB) are getting married in two weeks in our backyard. We will be having a catering spead for our reception afterwards. We decided to have a dry wedding for two reasons: my mom is an alcoholic who is known for making a scene when she gets drunk and my fiance has a brother who binge drinks and has had alcohol poisoning on more than one occasion (he doesn't drink all the time but if he starts he can't stop until he either passes out or someone physically restrains him from getting more). I also have an Uncle (mom's brother) and a stepdad who are in recovery and don't need the temptation. Neither fiance and I are big drinkers so we decided to just avoid any problems and just have a dry wedding. We will will have a less dry reception party/honeymoon with some our friends later on. All of our families have been supportive, my uncle was especially grateful to us for doing this since he takes his recovery very seriously and has been 7 years sober. I sent out wedding invitations 4 months ago and said it would be a dry wedding and asked people not to bring alcohol. Now today I get this call from my mom, who I also sent an invitation to 4 months ago: Mom: Is it true you're not having alcohol at your wedding? Me: Yes. Fiance and I decided we didn't want alcohol during our special time. Mom: That's so silly. It's going to make your wedding boring. Me: Well, I'm sorry you feel that way but [fiance] and I have made our decision. We want everyone to feel comfortable at our wedding. Mom: Clearly, you don't care about my comfort! What if I want to have a little drink to pass the time? Me: Like you did at [A different Uncle]'s wedding where you got so drunk and made a horrible scene calling [Uncle]'s wife a golddigger? Mom: It wasn't my fault! They made the drinks there too strong. Me: Right...I really wish you would address this need to have alcohol wherever you go. Mom: I don't NEED to have alcohol. I just think your wedding will be boring without it. You want to have a fun wedding, don't you? Me: It will be a fun wedding. We don't need alcohol to have fun. Mom: This is so stupid. Why should everyone else be punished just to make it comfortable for a few people? It seems like you care more about [Uncle] and [Stepdad] than anyone else. Me: Or maybe I just want to avoid any scenes. Mom: I JUST TOLD YOU, THAT WASN'T MY FAULT! Me: Just like your DUI isn't your fault? Mom: How DARE you bring up that difficult time in my life. I was going through a lot emotionally. What the hell is wrong with you kids?! You need to mind your own business. If I want to drink, that's my business! Me: Well my wedding is my business. We do not want alcohol there. That's final. I can't stop you if you decide to pre-game my wedding but I've already made it clear to [uncles and brothers] that if you cause a scene, that you are to be made to leave. Mom (starts crying): Why do you kids hate me so much? What did I ever do to deserve to be treated like this by my children? Me: Are you really ready for me to go down that list? Mom: None of you understand! None of you will ever understand! I'm the mother of the bride, I should be treated better than this. Me: I think I've treated you pretty well during this process. I've acquiesced to your boyfriend whom I don't even know coming to my wedding. I've even given in to some of your other demands. So please tell me how you've been mistreated? Mom: You didn't invite me to go dress shopping! The mother of the bride always goes dress shopping with her daughter. I barely know [fiance] because you never bring him around me. How do I know that you're marrying the right person? Me: That's because [Aunt] made my dress. Mom (sarcastically): Well isn't that just special... Me (sighing): As for the rest, I think you know why. We aren't really close enough for you to have any say in who my significant other is. Honestly mom, I'm done with this conversation. If you really feel that strongly about this, I'll understand if you don't want to attend my wedding. Mom: OH I bet you'd like that wouldn't you? One way or another you will respect me as your mother! Me: Sure, mom. I'm hanging up now. Bye. Guys, I'm so livid right now. I have half a mind to uninvite her. I spoke to my dad and her brother. My uncle thinks her drinking is getting really bad again and has been wanting to hold an intervention. I told him I'm focused on the wedding right now but that I definitely agree this was out of line and something needs to be done. What do I do? I don't want her ruining my wedding but I'm so tired of dealing with this. Sorry this is probably above Reddit's pay grade but I just needed to vent. Update: I sent a text reiterating the rules. She said she knows where she isn't welcome and said she won't attend. My dad told me not to worry about this anymore and that he'll see to it she doesn't ruin my wedding. Update 2: I sent this text to my mom: Mother, At this point I'm going to officially uninvite you from my wedding. I'm not going to allow you to change your mind and I'd prefer it if you not come to my wedding at all given your poor behavior. At this point, I've decided I don't want any further contact with you unless you decide to curb your toxic behaviors and drinking. I wish you the best, I hope you can find a way to heal but I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry if this hurts you but I can't handle you in my life anymore. If you try to force the issue, I'll be forced to take legal action up to and including contacting law enforcement. Please don't contact me again. I went to delete her from my Facebook page only to find a post that she had just written saying how being a mother is a thankless job and how she doesn't understand how she raised rude and judgemental kids. She ended it by saying she hopes her kids get over themselves someday. I'm done. This sucks but it's been a long time coming. My head hurts. &nbsp; **Relevant Comments from OOP:** ***HawthorneUK:** I'd lay down the law with her, and uninvite her if she won't accept that she needs to be sober while she's there.* *Have somebody who is willing and able to eject her if (when) she sneaks alcohol in and gets drunk anyway.* >**OP:** That's what I'm thinking. Her own brothers are saying they will eject her if she even causes a scene. My youngest uncle (whose wedding she ruined by causing a scene) made me a vow that he will not allow what happened at his wedding to happen at mine. > >My brothers (her own kids) despise her so they said if she even breathes wrong they will make sure she leaves. &nbsp; ***One_Strain_2531:** Honestly best bet is pack a suitcase of her stuff and drive her to a rehab place. She clearly has a drinking problem and tries to gaslight others into believing she doesn't have a problem. If she doesn't get better in or after rehab then you might have to go low or no contact with her. Sorry* >**OP:** She had to spend a year in rehab due to her DUI and the property damage she caused. It had no effect. I've decided to cut her from my life. &nbsp; [**Small update**](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwaway4meeeeeee86/comments/16r0vet/small_update/) - **September 24, 2023 (One day later)** Firstly, I want to thank everyone for the support. You have no idea how much your love and constructive comments mean to me. I'm glad I'm not alone. It's not a huge update. But I guess my grandparents and uncles have had enough. They've decided to stage an intervention next weekend. If she refuses to get help, she will no longer be welcomed at family events and she will no longer be part of the family. They told me not to worry about it. My sister will go as she's the only one of her children that even has a real relationship with her but even my sister said that if she doesn't get help, she will cut her off too. I'm hoping and praying this works but given that she spent 1 year in rehab and the second she was off probation chose to drink again doesn't give me a lot of hope. My dad told me he's hiring the local biker gang to act as security. We live in a small town and the nearest big city is about an hour away so it would really expensive to have a security company come out. I don't have a problem with that. This is the type of gang that helps out abused kids and animals and they do a lot of good where I live. The worst I've heard about them is they doled out some rural justice to a guy that was beating up the sister of one of the members and ran him out of town. When my mom got her DUI, she ran into someone's house and car (when she tried to back out, no one was hurt, thank goodness) and I guess it was the house of a relation of someone in the gang so they agreed to help and my dad is paying them to be security just in case. They know my family (one of my dad's cousins is a member) and they know my mom (I think she dated a guy in the gang at one point) and what to look out for. It may be moot if she ends up in rehab. I'm not stressing about her anymore. I have 13 days until my wedding. I'm going to focus on the final touches and just enjoy myself. My biological mom made her choices. Now that I've stood up for myself, I feel nothing but relief. My stepmom will be there and I see her more as my "real" mom so it's all fine. I've been through a lot of therapy already so I've had to make peace with how my actual mother is. &nbsp; [**I'm officially estranged from my mother**](https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultChild/comments/16r170y/im_officially_estranged_from_my_mother/) - **September 24, 2023 (Same day, fifteen minutes later on a different sub from "Small Update")** Well it happened yesterday. I got into a fight with my mother and officially estranged myself from her. It sucks and I had a gnarly headache when I was done. Her drinking and behavior just proved too much and I had to univite her from my wedding. I feel sad it came to this but the most powerful feeling I have is relief. &nbsp; [**Update: My mother thinks she's entitled to alcohol at my wedding**](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/16wdimk/update_my_mother_thinks_shes_entitled_to_alcohol/) - **September 30, 2023 (Six days later)** I didn't think I'd be back so soon, but it's my mom's world and we all just live in it. My mother got 911 called on her for domestic violence on Tuesday. She apparently started throwing wine bottles at her boyfriend who locked himself in the bathroom and called the cops while she destroyed their place in one of her temper tantrums. She wasn't making any sense when the cops got there so they restrained her and took her to a hospital. She's been stuck in the psychiatric ward ever since. My sister was listed as a contact for her and she got the call about mom on Wednesday. The doctors at the hospital spoke to my sister and they think she may be showing signs of alcohol related dementia and some sort of psychotic disorder like bipolar disorder. They currently have her in alcohol detox and from what my sister was told, it's pretty bad. They won't allow her visitors until she's out of detox, not that anyone really has a desire to visit her anymore. My sister and I decided enough was enough and we've petitioned a guardianship for her yesterday at the request of a social worker who interviewed my sister, my uncles, my grandparents, and myself. A guardianship means they can hold her while it winds through the system rather than her being released after 72 hours. My grandmother's upset as she thinks all of the issues should be kept in the family and the state shouldn't step in. My uncles and grandfather are on the side of having a guardianship. As far as they're concerned, she's not welcome in the family anymore and they won't allow her to continue to take advantage of anyone in the family anymore. My sister and I say let her be a professional's problem and let them figure out what to do with her. My brothers don't care and have effectively washed their hands of her years ago so their stance is whatever keeps her as far away as humanly possible. We can't deal with her anymore and why should we? With the guardianship petitioned, I'm working on washing my hands of this situation entirely. I'm sure I'll be interviewed about why a guardianship is necessary but other than that, I don't plan to have any further contact with my mom unless she apologizes and makes amends for her behavior, if that's something she's even capable of anymore. I just don't see that happening and any compassion or understanding I had for her in the past is gone. Whatever state her life is in, she brought it on herself. I just want to move on with my life without her in it and be done with her for good. It doesn't look like she'll be released from the hospital any time soon so there's no risk of her attending my wedding. I did talk to her boyfriend yesterday after sister and I filed our paperwork and we decided to invite him to lunch. He's decided to break up with her for good and we learned just how bad things were with her. He's a real nice guy who's been caught up in a bad situation and had no clue how bad she could be. I feel really bad for him. I did decide to invite him to my wedding as I can tell he's a lonely dude who's been to hell and back. Not sure he'll show but the offer is there. There was a time I'd have allowed an event like this to ruin the run up to the wedding but I've been able to separate my mom's behavior from the wedding. It hasn't put a damper on it. Now that my mom is squared away, I can enjoy myself. I just put the final touches on the catering order and am expecting the last of my supplies. My aunt wants to put the final touches on my wedding attire. If I haven't mentioned, both fiance and I are huge steampunk fans and so we're wearing steampunk attire and encouraging everyone else to dress in steampunk (not required, though). My "wedding dress" is actually more of a suit situation but it looks bad ass. I don't think I'll update again as I want to put all of this behind me and I don't plan to have any contact with my mother going forward. I'm looking forward to a bright future with my husband. My mom can stay in the past and as cold and heartless as it sounds, I'm glad she's not going to be my family's problem anymore. &nbsp; **DISCLAIMER: OOP HAS UPDATED AFTER THE BoRU WAS POSTED** **SO PER RULES UPDATE IS INCLUDED** [**Post-wedding update**](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwaway4meeeeeee86/comments/1744oi5/postwedding_update/?share_id=ztHb-zBzD3Mkm6rrDxyOH&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **October 9, 2023 (Nine days later)** I just signed into this account again with a lot of people begging for updates. I don't have a lot. I guess my entire story is now in the best of Reddit. Thanks, I guess. I never knew dealing with my alcoholic mother was worthy of a best of post. I just wanted to rant and sanity check myself. Only news on my mother is she's out of detox and currently in a "catatonic state" refusing to speak, eat, or drink water. They may install a feeding tube if she doesn't let up. I think she's trying to be dramatic and get attention, so do my uncles. I could be wrong, but honestly I don't care anymore. We're not sure she has dementia but she definitely has something going on but doing any kind of evaluation while she acts like this is difficult. She also has liver disease, needs dialysis and possibly even a transplant (if she qualifies). The doctors made it very clear if she doesn't quit drinking, she will die within the next 5 years and it may even still be too late. I think I'd feel more sad but I've had to realize that I lost my mother long ago. I did invite my mom's boyfriend but he chose not to come. He's decided to get help for his own alcohol issues, according my sister. I wish him the best. As for the wedding, I'm now happily married and on Wednesday I took a pregnancy test that came back positive. We're super excited but haven't told anyone in our family yet. The wedding was fantastic and the day went off without a hitch. We had a blast and are heading out on our honeymoon on Wednesday to Costa Rica. My brothers and stepbrothers very sweetly hazed my husband during the at-home bachelor party and made it clear they're excited to have another brother. My stepmom did all of the mom stuff during the wedding. That was already planned before all of this. No one snuck in alcohol, there weren't any scenes. The worst that happened was my sister crying due to all of the stress she's been under. I do have some sympathy but most of it is self-inflicted though because she enables. But all in all, it was a great day and I was surrounded by those I love most. I know a lot of people asked for pics on my wedding suit. I will see if there's some way I can crop identifying stuff from it and post it here once I get my wedding pictures back. Otherwise, I'll figure out a way to post the outfits themselves. That's all I have. I'll try and update after my honeymoon. Now it seems like baby is coming so no promises. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP**

AITA for not allowing my mother to bring her boyfriend I don't know or want to know to my wedding?

NEW UPDATE

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/171wru2/aita_for_not_allowing_my_mother_to_bring_her/

171wrum

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Dangerousbean1984](https://www.reddit.com/user/Dangerousbean1984/). He posted in r/AmItheAsshole. I added a few more paragraphs for readability. **Trigger Warnings:** >!child endangerment!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!happy ending!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14w06da/aita_for_yelling_at_my_sons_teacher_and_making/)**: July 10, 2023** Last Thursday I, 36M got a call from my son's school telling me I needed to come and collect him because he had passed out during class. My son has passed out a good few times before, so we've made sure he knows what to do when he starts to feel faint to make sure he doesn't hurt himself. However, when I arrived at the school my son was holding an ice pack to his head, when I asked about it the nurse told me he had hit his head when he fell, I wondered why he hadn't lay down like we taught him to do, I brushed it off and decided to ask him about it later as he was still kind of out of it. The next day I asked him about it and what he told me made my blood boil. Apparently when my son had first started to feel like he was going to pass out he tried to tell his teacher. When he stood up to talk to her he was immediately yelled at to sit back down. The next time he tried to tell her she told him that he didn't look sick so he wasn't allowed to go to the nurses office. Then, his class was doing an activity that required standing for practically the rest of the lesson, before the activity started my son, yet again told this teacher that he felt like he was going to pass out and asked if he could sit the activity out. The teacher responded by yelling at him, claiming he was just being lazy and was making excuses. My son's friend was getting worried about him so he told the teacher, who then started yelling at his friend, accusing them both of trying to get out of lesson. Not even a minute later my son passed out, and according to his friend and a couple other classmates, she acted very shocked, as if she hadn't been ignoring him trying to tell her how he felt for the last 5 minutes. I'm extremely worried about the impact this will have on my son, as when the fainting first started he didn't tell any of his teachers as he was scared that they were going to yell at him, this resulted in quite a few injuries from falling. It has taken a while for him to start telling them when he's feeling faint and I'm afraid this incident will cause him to stop asking and he will hurt himself. I had wanted to go down to the school that day but my son had stayed off and my wife wasn't home from work yet. The following Monday I arranged an appointment with the Principal. After I explained what had happened, he called in my son's teacher, who then tried to deny the fact that he ever told her anything and he had just randomly collapsed. This is where I may be TA. By this point I was pissed, I began to scream at her, yelling about how my son could have gotten hurt. I was so pissed I hadn't even noticed that she'd started to cry. By that point I was asked to leave by the principal. My wife and some of my friends think I'm in the right, but my parents and the other half of my friends think I went too far. I don't know about this one What do you guys think, AITA? \[Edit\] I'm just gonna answer some frequently asked questions that the answers weren't included in the original post 1. We are not in the US so a 504 plan is not in place, however we do have something similar 2. 2)My son is in the middle of getting a diagnosis, doctors say the most likely option is POTS 3. 3)My son is 13, and I would say he's a fairly well behaved kid, only sometimes getting in trouble for stupid shit that 13 year old boys do, he usually stops after he gets a verbal warning. We've never had any major issues with his behavior 4. 4)Yes, the teacher was aware of his episodes ***Relevant Comments:*** *What exactly is the protocol?* "The protocol that has been put in place is that he will ask the teacher to go to the nurse, the teacher then has a couple options of what he/she can do, they can A) choose a trusted student to take him down B) Get another teacher to cover their class for a minute while they take him down C) Get another teacher to take him down or D) Call the nurse to come up to the room (which is only if he suspects he won't be able to make it to the nurse without passing out on the way)" *What country did this happen in?* UK ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16whgdq/aita_for_yelling_at_my_sons_teacher_and_making/)**: September 30, 2023 (2.5 months later)** The new school year starts tomorrow and we've just been notified that this teacher will not be returning for the new school year. The email we received claimed she has 'decided to move onto new opportunities'. However, me and my wife have had a talk with some other parents and unsurprisingly that is not the case. Apparently my son was not the first or last student she has done this to. This teacher is notorious for never letting anyone leave her classroom for anything unless she can physically see something wrong with them, even then there has been a few instances when she's told students having things like eczema flare ups to wait until the end of class. She even tried to do the same thing to my son when he was having another episode, luckily since the last incident he's learned to ignore her, and him and his friend went down to the nurse despite what she said. At the beginning of summer, my wife got a call from one of the other mothers, who explained that the teacher had tried to the same thing to her daughter, as it turns out she had a friend on the school board and is very well liked by all parents and staff. She arranged a meeting with the teacher, the principal, the school board and the superintendent to discuss this teacher's behavior, before the meeting she spent ages compiling evidence against this teacher. She managed to get the medical forms of the students she'd denied access to the nurse to (with permission from the parents of course), she somehow got all the reports of her behavior towards students, she got statements from students, parents and other members of staff. She even got a couple students who had more serious incidents to come to the meeting with their parents and recount what had happened, we couldn't be there since we were going on holiday (vacation) but both my son and his friend filmed them telling what happened and we it to the mother to play at the meeting. When it finally came time for the meeting the teacher had not anticipated that the mother would be so prepared, and after an hour in the meeting, the teacher was finally fired after 6 years of mistreating students. If you're wondering how she kept her job so long, I was too, turns out she was a nepo hire, the principal is her uncle. For all those wondering how my son is doing, he's doing a bit better, though his episodes have been happening more frequently as of late. Thank you all for the advice and well wished on the original post, salt does seem to help sometimes. **Editor's note-** thanks to u/shewy92 for this link to find out more about POTS: [https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/postural-orthostatic-tachycardia-syndrome-pots](https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/postural-orthostatic-tachycardia-syndrome-pots)

AITA for yelling at my son's teacher and making her cry?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/171wrum/aita_for_yelling_at_my_sons_teacher_and_making/

171ws6f

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Key-Salamander5906](https://www.reddit.com/user/Key-Salamander5906/). He posted in r/AITAH **Trigger Warning:** >!infidelity!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!sad, but OOP has a good head on his shoulders!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16l0k7h/aitah_for_giving_my_wife_an_ultimatum/)**: September 17, 2023** I (35m) have been married to my wife (37f) for 7 years and we were together another 3 before that. We had a daughter (5f). On the outside our marriage appears to be perfect. She and I own a nice house with a good school district, have a great kid and both work full time. Her job requires her to do some travel and wants her in the office 3 days a week. My job does not pay as well but I work completely remote and spend a lot of time talking my daughter to soccer or doctor’s appointments as well as keeping up around the house. Before anyone asks this is not a weight gain issue. I am active and fit and my wife is the same. For the past 4 or so years my wife has shown basically no interest in our marriage and acts more like my roommate than partner. We have basically no romance or intimacy. When I say intimacy, I know some people will jump to sex but to me intimacy means acting like a couple. Hand holding, kisses, cuddling and obviously sex. None of those are really things my wife wants to do and makes it painfully obvious that she isn’t interested. Before she and I were very much an amazing couple. My wife also shows no interest in my life. She has forgotten important events like our anniversary and my birthday. Our last anniversary she said she needed to cancel the dinner plans I made for the two of us because she had to work late on a Friday and travel for work the following week. I brought this up to my therapist who suggested couples therapy and is willing to give some recommendations. I brought this up to my wife who immediately shut it down saying “there’s nothing wrong with me, I don’t need therapy”. I have made multiple suggestions to her for how we can possibly improve our relationship. Family vacation? “Our daughter won’t appreciate it”. I don’t see what 5 year old wouldn’t want to go to the beach for a couple days but maybe I’m wrong. A romantic getaway for just her and I? “No I’m too busy at work”. Or “can’t we just spend time together at home?” Taking our daughter on a bike ride and going out to lunch on a weekend? “I want to just relax”. So I gave up trying to initiate anything with her and recently began looking for an out. I watched my parents in a failing marriage for a decade and don’t want to put my child through that. I talked to a lawyer and got papers ready and can buy a condo in town (to keep our daughter in the same school district with her friends) since I can’t afford our house by myself. I recently confronted my wife when our daughter was at a playdate. I told her that I am seriously considering leaving her since I feel as though I don’t matter to her and our relationship is never a priority to her. I told her I have an exit plan and if she doesn’t make changes by the new year I am going to file for divorce and full custody. She and I got into a big fight where she basically told me I was manipulative and an asshole for blindsiding her like that. I told her that none of this would be an issue if she cared about us or at least pretended to. I told her I don’t want our daughter to see how unhealthy our relationship is. All of this happened yesterday. So Reddit AITAH for what I said to my wife and our argument after? Edit: I have brought up my concerns about our marriage to her multiple times. Things usually improve for a short while but are quickly back to the status quo in a week or two. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Counseling/therapy:* "I have brought up the idea of therapy and that I didn’t feel as though she was there for me at several points during the past couple years. I have tried to get her to at least try one session with me and it is shot down every time. I have told her my feelings several times now and each time she says she will try harder and maybe does it for a week or two then things go back to how they are." *Could she be having an affair?* "It’s possible she’s having an affair but she does actually go out with her friends a lot. They usually go out and get dinners once a week. Either that or she’s meeting the guy at these restaurants. Personally I don’t believe that since I have friends in the area too and someone might see her." *This exchange:* Commenter: It’s one of three things, she’s fallen out of love but is sticking around for your kid/financial reasons, two she’s defined herself as asexual and has no requirements for intimacy or three she’s been using her nights out with the girls as cover for having an affair hence the complete lack of care/intimacy as she’s getting it elsewhere. OOP: I guess all three of those are possible. The first would make sense because she makes way more than I do. The second one is probably what I’m hoping for. It would be the least painful. The third one is probably my worst case and I really really don’t want it to be what is happening. I’ve spent 10 years with her and having it thrown away like that is the most depressing thing I can imagine. *OOP clarifies what he does in the marriage:* "Bills are paid from our joint bank account. Each of us also contributes money to a personal account that we would use for individual expenses such as a night out. Chores are me doing the majority during the week. I can usually get away from work long enough to vacuum, do laundry and basic stuff like that during the day. Bigger chores like car maintenance and lawn care are usually my or our weekend projects." *Is she a bad mother/why full custody?* "No she is not a horrible mother. That part was definitely an overreaction on my part that I should not have said." *OOP after reading many of the comments that day:* "After reading a lot of the replies and some helpful links someone posted that outline an abusive relationship I will be speaking to the lawyer first thing tomorrow. I think it’s time I did something for myself and my daughter." ***There is no consensus bot on AITAH, but a majority seemed to be NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16wajxj/update_aitah_for_giving_my_wife_an_ultimatum/)**: September 30, 2023 (13 days later)** Hi everyone. First of all thank you for all of your replies and messages. I received a ton and haven’t been able to reply to them all. It has been a crazy couple of weeks unfortunately. My marriage is over and after talking to my wife I realize it has been for a long time. The day after my post, I began the divorce process with my lawyer. Everyone who said I was an asshole for saying I was going to get full custody, that is true. I was angry, frustrated and said something I shouldn’t have. We are going to split custody, with me having the week days and my wife having weekends. That said, everyone who said she was cheating, congratulations you were right. She has been for around 4 years now, which is about the time she started withdrawing from our marriage. She has been cheating with this coworker because she felt like she was not attractive after having a child and I was busy with work and childcare. More recently, she has begun to develop feelings for him and was considering leaving me for him which she is now free to do. When I gave her the ultimatum she was surprised that I was considering leaving her and thought I knew about her affair at the time. We sat our daughter down and explained that we are splitting up but we both love her more than anything. My daughter was understandably upset and is having a tough time. I am have looking into therapy options for my daughter and told her that she can always tell me how she is feeling. This is the hardest part of everything so far. My wife and I are going to be geographically close. I’m going to be moving into a condo in early January and my wife is going to move in with her coworker about 15 minutes away. With the sale of our house I will be able to pay off a large portion of my new home. According to the lawyer we can have everything wrapped up by new years if it goes smoothly but with the holidays I’ll be happy with early January. I’m the mean time I’m going to start rebuilding my life. I did not get married with the intention of getting divorced but here we are. I am going to work on myself and my relationship with my daughter, starting with a vacation. I am going to surprise her with a trip to Disney this winter. It will be expensive but I really want to make her happy and create some happy memories. I’m going to miss her on weekends. Maybe one day I’ll explain this all to her when she is an appropriate age and we can talk about it more. In the mean time I am going to work on myself and try to be the best version of me that I can. I don’t know what the future holds but I guess I’ll know eventually. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Make sure to put you and your daughter first here- you don't owe your ex anything:* "Yeah she and I have talked about basically making sure shared bills are paid. All other communication is through our lawyers. All of her issues are on her now and not my problem." *Did she admit to the affair or did you find out?* "I found some credit card statements that did not make sense. So I confronted her. According to her (and she’s a liar so who knows) the feelings developed a couple years ago and she was not sure how to address it. I personally don’t care what she feels at this point." *About daughter having to spend time with the ex's 'new' man and possibly putting a 'no overnight guests' clause in the divorce, at least for a while:* "A clause around this is definitely worth looking into. I want my daughter to have as stable of an environment as possible. I will be speaking with my lawyer again on Monday. Thank you for this information." **OOP also posted on a different sub after this, but with no new information. That sub also often does not allow cross-posting, so I did not include it.**

AITAH for giving my wife an ultimatum?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/171ws6f/aitah_for_giving_my_wife_an_ultimatum/

171wsby

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/More-Size-6733 **OOP has since deleted her account** **I am leaving my husband without telling him why** **Originally posted to** r/Marriage **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Infidelity!< **Thanks to u/Twigz8771 for suggesting this BoRU** [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/Marriage/s/6X0TqESi7s)  **Sept 6, 2023** I found out that my husband was planning to have an affair with a woman from his company that works for another branch. He visits that branch twice a year. And she visits his twice a year. They have been flirting for 6 months and they were going to sleep together last Friday when she was here. I sent my husband a picture of me with new lingerie about an hour before her plane landed and he was supposed to pick her up. He had already told me he was working late and then going out with his colleagues for drinks and not to wait for him. I wrote that this (I) was his desert after the lobster pasta I’m making (he loves lobster pasta). He was home within the hour. When we were together he said he was glad he chose to come home. Instead of working you mean? I should hope so! Yeah, I mean of course, he said. I don’t have the energy to confront him or tell him that I know. I don’t want to hear excuses and apologies. The lease is in his name because I moved into his apartment when we got married and we still haven’t found “our” home that we’re saving for. So I don’t need to worry about that. Our savings and joint accounts are easy to access and divide and I can do that the day before leave. I have found a subcontract today on an apartment for 12 months, if I get picked I can move October 1 already. Then I will serve him the papers and tell him the reason is that I’m bored with our relationship and I have fallen out of love. I think it’s better that way. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **WHEN ASKED HOW SHE IS SURE OF HER HUSBAND PLANNING AN AFFAIR/OR IS SHE SEARCHED HIS PHONE** >It started with a lot of pop up about hotels on our ipad. Combined with a him being busy and texting more than usual I became suspicious so I went through his phone. They have been talking all summer about meeting for sex. She lives 3h plane ride away so now I know why he was searching hotels in our and her city [Update 1 - I have just signed a sublease. I’m leaving my husband at the end of the month](https://reddit.com/r/Marriage/s/KPkIz2VZuX)  **Sept 10, 2023** Hi everyone! I hope you remember be. Before diving in to my boring life, I want to ask you who reached out and asked for my recipe for my lobster pasta. How was it? Please share your dishes with me☺️ I have now signed the lease (it is a sublease with 12 months then month to month afterwards until the owner can sell his apartment). I’m so happy that i have found it. I feel like I’m born again. I have felt nothing but pain and despair for weeks. Now I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m still resolute to just leave and not tell him the reason why. I think this is the only way I can cope with this pain without losing my mind or my dignity. Many asked how that would make me look. Honestly, I don’t care. Those who love me, love me unconditionally and those who judge me, is their opinion really worth it? [Update 2 - Filed for divorce. First night in my apartment](https://reddit.com/r/Marriage/s/uEwtPuofwA)  **Sept 30, 2023** I have been on high drive this weekend. No moving on Sundays but I was fortunate to get the keys Thursday. I have been discreetly packing my clothes and yesterday (Friday) the moving truck came and took all my stuff and my furniture that I bought to my new place. I changed my address to my parents’ because I don’t want my husband to know my new adress if he googled it. When I was in my new apartment it looked gloomy and so tiny. I just broke down crying. Like I have postponed my tears and now I could finally feel safe to be vulnerable. Around dinner my husband started bombarding my phone because I left him a note that I was done with our marriage and filed for divorce. My plan was to never speak to him again but today after a million messages and missed calls I folded and answered him. He was very confused and in total panic but I just kept saying that I wasn’t in love with him anymore and that I was bored in our marriage. He was confused and begged me to come home and explain. Then he started trying to find other solutions. Maybe I was bored with my job or with our apartment. Maybe we could move and start anew somewhere else. I couldn’t hold my tongue and just said “yeah maybe we can move to [city where the other woman lives], that would be very convenient for you”. He was silent for a second then asked what I meant. “You know, because the main office is there and you have better chances to advance in your career?” Silent again, then he said listen, I don’t care about my career now. I care about you. I love you and I can’t lose you. He will do anything to make me happy. I said the only thing was that he left me alone and understood that it is over because the sooner he realized it was over the better. I hung up. I probably need a new phone number because I don’t trust myself not answering him again I was so disappointed in myself for talking to him when I decided I didn’t. My parents in law have called and wanted an explanation and I just said that I wasn’t in love anymore and wanted an out. They’re both confused. All and all it is better than them knowing the real reasons. Id rather have them confused than sorry for me or worse try to explain his behavior and ask me to forgive him. I’m way better this way I don’t think there’s a need for lawyers. We don’t own anything together and we don’t have children. I have already taken my half of the savings etc and I never stood on the lease of his apartment. I see no reason to have lawyers. I already sent my divorce papers to court and with or without his signature I will be divorced (in 6 months if he signs too, in 1-2 years if he refuses to sign and I submit a new application every 6 months). [Lobster pasta recipe](https://reddit.com/u/More-Size-6733/s/euKmeXJ5UP)  **Sept 30, 2023** 2 people Lobster stock 2 lobster shells 1-2 shallot 1 garlic clove 1/2 fennel 1 carrot 2 tablepoons olive oil 1 tablespoons tomato paste 1 dl white wine 200g canned cherry tomatoes 1dl water 1 teaspoons cayenne pepper Salt After straining the stock Ad saffron, 2 dl heavy cream and lastly cognac (or any brandy) ad the pasta and lobster meat. Parsley, cherry tomatoes and sugar snaps (if you want that) **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I am leaving my husband without telling him why

INCONCLUSIVE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/171wsby/i_am_leaving_my_husband_without_telling_him_why/

171wsux

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Typically_Stupid **I (23F) found the true reason why my boyfriend (24M) broke up with me.** **Originally posted to** r/TrueOffMyChest **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Terminal illness, mention of infidelity, manipulation of cancer, pancreatic cancer!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/JtEgk01qK5) **Sept 30, 2023** I was 18 when we started dating. It was the best 4 years of my life. I truly thought he was my soulmate, the one I’ll grow old with, the one who will be with me no matter what. But atlas, it wasn’t. This happened a year ago, and I’ve just found out. Every Saturday he would take me out for dinner. This Saturday was no exception. He took me out to my favourite restaurant, we had fun like our normal dates. But no, this was different, his face was kind of rather sad? But happy because we were having a good time. But nearing towards the end of our dinner, he had tears in his eyes but had a warm smile. I quite quiet that time. Before he broke down saying, he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. I was so confused. We had a good time, we were about to move into a home together, there was nothing wrong. I just didn’t understand. Until he told me, he cheated on me. It broke my heart. This was ironic, because at the start of our relationship, he had very strong feelings against cheating. Of course, I broke up with him on the spot and left. Crying. Something in me, did not believe when he said that, but I chucked it up to “wanting to forgive him”. I ignored him whenever I bumped into him and just moved on. However, just a few hours ago, his mother (who I met) came by. We had a great bond so it didn’t really bother me that my ex’s mom was around. I looked up to her as my mother figure because mine left me and my father. She came by, her eyes filled with tears and gave me an envelope and just left. I opened the envelope, it was a heartfelt message form my ex. I won’t really write everything but the gist of it was, he had pancreatic cancer. And he only broke up with me because he didn’t want to see me heartbroken over him. He said that he had only estimated time of 2 months left. And if I wanted to see him, I could, but if I didn’t he did not blame me. This brought me to tears. I feel a mix of sadness and hurt by why he had lied to me. This is far worse than cheating in my opinion. I want to see him but I don’t want to at the same time. I love him but what he did to me is unforgivable. I don’t know what to do at this point. If I go there, a part of me wants to be with him during his last moments, another part wants to go and scream at him at the top of my lungs about how much hurt he has caused. I’m at a lost I don’t know what to do. [Update - 13 hours later](https://reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/u1bLC1k8xb) **Sept 30, 2023** Hi wow, I really did not expect this much support, for that I thank you for taking time out of your day to berate me or tell me to go to him. I really appreciate that :) I had a blissful 3 hours of sleep last night English is not my first language so if I misspell words, I apologise for any inconvenience trying to read Im probably going to recheck my English again (if I have time) The number of people pushing me to go meet him was astronomical and for those who thought this was fake, i really don’t know how to change your mind, and I truly don’t plan on changing your perspective in this. Believe what you want to believe, you’re not in my situation, I am. This is a hot mess. I had some thought to it, slept on it, and just decided to see him after my work. I went to go see him. He looked very pale and thin, and one of his symptoms is jaundice so he was sort of yellow? A pale yellow. Seeing him so weak, just shattered my heart even more. We talked about life first. Before I addressed the elephant in the room, I bought up his inconsistencies. The cheating story. Then his mother showing up at my door with his note. So, he apparently wanted to just leave me with a note but his mother advised him otherwise. His mother does know me well, if I had been left with just a note, i would surely come back to bug him. The note was what he wrote and was planning to give to me via my best friend. He said when he was going to give it, he “lost” the letter, since he knew he mom was against it, he blamed her, causing a strain on their relationship. She pushed him to meet me and tell me he had CANCER not of that CHEATING story. So her took me out, and “didn’t want me to leave heartbroken” and gave me that cheating story. Like as if I wouldn’t be if he cheated. it hurt more because it was like everyone knew except for me. I was kept in the dark for almost 1 year. Not even my best friend said a thing. That hurt the most. And his mother was the one who decided to give me the note (I guess to fix the strain on their relationship?), and the one who wrote the “if you want to see me you can, if not, I won’t blame you” part (I assume this because she was the one who gave me the note). He was under the impression that I had magically found out through my best friend. I made a promise to just spend his last few weeks with what he wanted to do. As for my best friend and his mother. I feel betrayed more from my best friend, at least his mother didn’t keep me in the dark for long. My best friend decided she won’t tell me. She was the one to comforted me when I told her about his “cheating” during that time, she told me he was an a** and not go back to him (I was thinking about going back and getting details about his “cheating”) told me that real man don’t cheat and told me the perks of dating females (she’s lesbian). At this point, idk how to deal with this suppose “best friend” i think the best is to cut her off. Here’s some background info (for those who asked, I’m too lazy to retype this to the people who asked): His cancer was diagnosed early on (his father died of the same cancer, doctors suspected that is was genetic and so he got tested) but he made a decision not to get treatment as to not put his family in financial position where they can almost go homeless, he was diagnosed at early stage 3. So he could’ve been saved but decided against it. He is at the hospital, not the hospice. The nurses there are shifting from cancer treatments to palliative care to make sure he’s more comfortable. This has really changed my view on nurses. It’s his decision I cannot change. When he passes, I would still want to remain in contact with his family for like a support for them. I will not be cutting them off. Imo cheating has the same equivalent to lying to your partner about your health. Maybe cheating slightly worse. For this crazy b***h, I’m going to cut her off, I just want to bury the hatchet and just move on with my life. I feel guilty for not feeling sad for my boyfriend, but that talk was really an eye-opener. It kind of took away all the guilt I had for leaving him at the restaurant that night, I feel more relaxed that he’ll spend the rest of his life with me and his family. And no, i do not live in America, i shall not specify my location, healthcare here is okish, the cancer treatments are especially expensive. I’ll try and answer any questions you have (keep it mostly vague). And to those people to reached out to me to personally to ask if I’m in a right mental state, yes, yes i am. Thank you for asking. So, I guess this is the end. Hope you have/had a good day. Thank you for reading.

I (23F) found the true reason why my boyfriend (24M) broke up with me.

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/171wsux/i_23f_found_the_true_reason_why_my_boyfriend_24m/

171wt1t

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/assholeasks](https://www.reddit.com/user/assholeasks/). They posted in r/AITAH and r/TrueOffMyChest **Mood Spoiler:** >!frustrating, but a bit of hope!< **First** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15zq820/aitah_for_telling_my_wife_she_cant_buy_bottled/)**: August 23, 2023** **Title:** AITAH for telling my wife she can’t buy bottled water? I don't know if my pride/ego is bruised, if I'm misdirecting my frustrations, or if I'm just pathetic so I'm turning to the opinions of random internet strangers. Today my wife did the biweekly grocery store run. She likes going alone and before she left I offered to make her a jug of ice water because it’s hot and I knew she was going to get thirsty. Her “jug” is a $50 Stanley cup. Even though it was bought months ago it was out of our budget but she begged for it and swore she would use it all the time. About 45 minutes later she got back and had two huge bottles of Evian water. We are on a very strict budget. We do not get food stamps because I make “too much”. She had $35 to get what we needed and I know Evian is expensive. I asked her why she bought water when I offered to make her water before she left. I guess you can compare it to “We have McDonalds at home”. She tells me they were on sale 2 for $7 and she just wanted it. That is not a freaking sale. I immediately got frustrated because we don’t have money for “wants”. Hell we don’t have money for “needs”! That $7 could have bought some protein to add to our meals. I already skip as many meals as I can get away with so there is enough for her and the kids. We have been surviving on beans, rice, spam, eggs, and frozen veggies. I would be a slut for some chicken right now. That $7 could have bought a few small toys for our kids' birthday next week. Two of them have birthdays and I had to explain to them we can’t celebrate this year because I had to replace our a/c system. And before someone says I shouldn’t have kids if I’m poor, it’s too late to abort them. My work boots are falling apart, I walk to work every single day and carpool back home to save on gas and we don’t have valid car insurance because I had to choose between that or electricity. I hate that I’m a man who gets pissed off over $7 water. I'm embarrassed. I’m tired. I’m hungry. I don’t see how anything is going to get better but my wife needed her Evian. I told her she needs to take her cup of water every time she leaves the house or sell that stupid cup and I instantly got sick to my stomach at how controlling and petty that is. I’m the asshole, right? *Just to add we have filtered water at home which is what I meant when I said I'd make her a water before she left.* ***Relevant Comments:*** *Biggest question is why she doesn't realize the effect this has on the family:* "I'm so frustrated because I was just pouring my heart out to my kids who have a birthday coming up. Explaining that we needed a/c more and that I would make it up to them. "If I had extra $ I'd get you guys something". And then here comes my wife with expensive water and now they think it's a load of crap. I hate this." *Have you actually laid out a budget and shown how this impacts it?* "My next three paychecks are already budgeted. The $7 she used came out of the $35 grocery money." *Does your wife work?* "She stays home with the kids because daycare would cost too much." ***There is no consensus bot on AITAH, but the top comments were NTA*** **Second** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/16cvxj8/i_dont_know_who_i_married/)**: September 7, 2023 (2 weeks later)** **Title:** I don’t know who I married I know the title might sound dramatic and I know my family is my responsibility but some tips or advice is appreciated. Before someone says I shouldn’t have kids if I’m poor, it’s too late to abort them. I posted last week about how my wife did the biweekly grocery store run and had $35 to get what we needed and she spent $7 of it on Evian waters. Before she left I offered to make her a jug of ice water because it’s hot and I knew she was going to get thirsty. Her “jug” is a $50 Stanley cup. Even though it was bought months ago it was out of our budget but she begged for it and swore she would use it all the time. We do not get food stamps because I make “too much”. I work full time and pick up as much overtime as I can while my wife stays at home with our kids. I do everything I can to stay afloat. She tells me they were on sale and she just wanted it. That is not a freaking sale. I immediately got frustrated because we don’t have money for needs let alone wants. She is embarrassed by going to the food pantries so I try to do it on my lunch breaks or on my one day off. We have a tight budget, I walk to work to save on gas, I pick up overtime when it’s available, and I’m at the point where there aren't enough hours in the day for just me to make enough money to get us to break even. I told her she needed to find some part time work. She has been a stay at home mom because daycare is expensive but now all but one of our kids are in school. Today she told me she would need a new interview outfit and to get her haircut. I said we don’t have money for that, our fridge completely died a few days ago. She then started talking about all the things she would do buying/doing for herself once she starts working. I told her the money would be going towards getting caught up on bills, getting the kids what they need, and to maybe start saving a few bucks. She said it would be HER money which caught me off guard because my paycheck isn’t considered MINE nor have I ever insinuated that it is. Our kids only got one pair of new school shoes this year and no clothes, it bothered me more than it did them. My oldest has a field trip next week that she won’t be able to go to because we don’t have the $50. My wife chose bougie water over a few gifts from the dollar tree for our kids. When I asked why she doesn’t care that our kids are going without her response is “It’s only one bday they are missing”, “field trips aren’t that big of a deal”, “at least they have something to wear to school”. Very nonchalant “it is what it is” attitude. She had a rough childhood where she never got celebrated, got gifts, never had new school clothes, ect so it’s not a big deal to her. I’ve never seen this side of her and I don’t like it. We have never been so poor so is this just her survival mode method? TL:DR; I was off work without pay from surgery 6 months ago and everything snowballed from there. My kids are seeing that she doesn’t care and it’s upsetting them, and me. ***Relevant Comment:*** *You married a horrible person:* "It's only been the past few months that this "side" of her is showing. I'm just confused if it's just the stress or what but she can't just shut down and put everything on me." *Get a water filter:* "We have filtered water in the fridge" **Third** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/16o7olz/am_i_wrong_for_telling_my_wife_she_needs_to_get_a/)**: September 21, 2023 (2 weeks from last post)** I know our vows are for richer or poorer but hear me out. **Almost a month ago I posted** about how my wife did the biweekly grocery store run. About 45 minutes later she got back and had two huge bottles of Evian water. We are on a very strict budget. We do not get food stamps because I make “too much”. She had $35 (this was just a “filler” trip) to get what we needed and I know Evian is expensive. She tells me they were on sale 2 for $7 and she just wanted it. That is not a freaking sale. I immediately got frustrated because we don’t have money for “wants”. Hell we don’t have money for “needs”! That $7 could have bought some protein to add to our meals. I already skip as many meals as I can get away with so there is enough for her and the kids. I would be a slut for some chicken right now. That $7 could have bought a few small toys for our kids' birthday next week. Two of them have birthdays and I had to explain to them we can’t celebrate this year because I had to replace our a/c system. And before someone says I shouldn’t have kids if I’m poor, it’s too late to abort them. I was just pouring my heart out to my kids, "If I had extra $ I'd get you guys something, you know that". And then here comes my wife with expensive water and now they think it's a load of crap. Our kids only got one pair of new school shoes this year and no clothes, it bothered me more than it did them. When I asked why she doesn’t care that our kids are going without her response is “It’s only one bday they are missing”, “field trips aren’t that big of a deal”, “at least they have something to wear to school”. Very nonchalant “it is what it is” attitude. She had a rough childhood where she never got celebrated, got gifts, never had new school clothes, ect so it’s not a big deal to her. But it is to them. I walk to work to save on gas, I pick up overtime when it’s available, and I’m at the point where there aren't enough hours in the day for just me to make enough money to get us to break even. I told her she needed to find some part time work. She told me she would need a new interview outfit and to get her haircut. I said we don’t have money for that. She then started talking about all the things she would do buying/doing for herself once she starts working. I told her the money would be going towards getting caught up on bills, getting the kids what they need, and to maybe start saving a few bucks. She said it would be HER money which caught me off guard because my paycheck isn’t considered MINE nor have I ever insinuated that it is. Daycare has been the reason why she is a SAHM, it was too expensive. I’ve spent the last week and a half calling around to find daycare since my other kids are back in school and I finally found an opening. **Today I told her that our kid can start next week and that she should have no trouble getting a job by then. Hell, even a serving job would work.** All of a sudden I’m controlling and she says she doesn’t work well under pressure. I love my wife but I love my kids more. She is barely taking care of the kids and at this point she is just another mouth I can’t feed. Am I wrong if I kick her out or leave? **For the love of god reddit, I've posted this in other subs. If I had asked this question without explaining what has been going on it would be pointless. I'd have a bunch of comments asking "why are you thinking about divorce?"** ***Relevant Comment:*** *In response to someone who says they both suck because they shouldn't have had kids if they can't afford them:* "I wasn't poor when we had our kids and it's too late to abort them but thank you." **Fourth** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/16wqgoq/update_am_i_wrong_for_telling_my_wife_she_needs/)**: September 30, 2023 (9 days later) (This post is marked as an update to the last one)** I have had a lot of people ask for an update on my first post so here it is. I just want to clear a few things up first. We were not poor when we got married and we weren’t poor when any of my four kids were born. Things didn’t go down hill financially until after covid, a hospitalization, and our central a/c went out. Plus the cost of living and inflation, how many of you are one disaster away from crumbling? I’m making the most money I’ve ever made yet I’m struggling. To those who said I need a better job, I have the best one I qualify for. There are only 24 hours in a day, I can not get a second job unless I want to give up sleeping. One of my kids already asked me if I still live with them because I’m gone by the time they wake up and are asleep when I get home. We need more income and my wife needs to work because we have no money for extras and yes that includes birthdays and emergencies. I can not “step up and be a better man” when there are no more steps. If you don’t understand that then scroll on. I also want to say I am not divorcing her over spending $7. It wasn’t about the money, it was the fact that she chose her needs over our childrens and I’d hope any parent in that position would second guess being with their partner. My kids come first. Now I sat her down and laid out our budget, explained how just me working isn’t going to cut it because “times are tough” and are only getting tougher. We don’t get food stamps. We don’t get government help. I told her if she wants to keep eating with a roof over her head but NOT work then she needs to leave and apply for benefits as a single mother. Our fridge is empty, we have four mouths to feed and she won’t even go to a food pantry. She broke down crying saying food pantries make her feel like she is a kid again in foster care begging for scraps. She said she didn’t stress about the field trips or birthdays because there was nothing she could do and it would be a learning moment for them. She said she wants to start working but doesn’t have anything that fits her anymore because she hasn’t worked in over 9 years. She has no self confidence because of the weight she has gained. She said her anxiety is holding her back. I sympathize with her but also we can’t wait around until we get extra money before she starts working. Every penny of my checks are spoken for before it even hits my account. We can’t wait. She said she will try to look for jobs that she can do from home that don’t require her to “look pretty”. She has ads on craigslist to clean houses/cars which would provide immediate income even if it’s $50-$100. I’m embarrassed that that amount of money would be life changing. I also put up ads for mechanical work I can do on my day off. I do love my wife but she has to actively want the best for our kids and help provide for them. As for daycare I found a private sitter for my youngest who is working with me on payment and will continue to until I am on my feet. It's a coworkers wife. This will open up my wife's entire day to look for employment and start working. *More info on the sitter:* "I found a private sitter for my youngest who is working with me on payment. It's a coworkers wife. This will open up my wife's entire day to look for employment and start working. I'm tryng."

AITAH for telling my wife she can’t buy bottled water?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/171wt1t/aitah_for_telling_my_wife_she_cant_buy_bottled/

1722f9j

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/liebesgschichtl in r/beziehungen** **The original post was in German on a German subreddit. The post, the update and the comments were translated using ChatGPT.** Fun fact to hide TW: The written language in German comprises the 26 letters of the Latin alphabet. In addition, there are the three umlauts Ä, Ö and Ü and also the Eszett (ß). The Eszett is a letter that only exists in written German. Literally translated the Eszett (aka "scharfes S") would be called "spicy S" (or "sharp S" but that doesn't sound as funny). trigger warnings: >!physical and verbal abuse!< mood spoilers: >!happy end!< --- #First Post [**My (F27) boyfriend (M29) has a problem with me visiting my ex-boyfriend (M28) and won't admit it.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/beziehungen/comments/161recf/) *Saturday, August 26 2023* TLDR: In two weeks, I'm visiting my ex-boyfriend (who has become a close friend), his family, and friends for a few days. My boyfriend claims he's fine with it, but his behavior suggests otherwise. Overall, our communication is good, but I'm bothered by his sudden change regarding this situation. My ex and I were together for four years, but we amicably separated six years ago as we grew apart, typical of young love. Since I spent two of those four years living at his parents' house, I grew close to his family and friends, some of whom I still stay in daily contact with, including my ex (mainly on Snapchat, but we don't chat much – it's mostly for sharing updates or keeping streaks). That's why I visit the town 100km away every year for the annual "town festival," to see old faces, share stories, and have fun. The festival lasts from Friday evening to Sunday afternoon, and I often help with serving, setting up, and cleaning. I've been dating my current boyfriend for four months, locally. It's a relatively new relationship, but I've learned from past relationships the importance of open communication, which has worked well for us. I've never hidden the fact that I'm still friends with my ex, nor that nothing has happened between us since the breakup. A few days ago, we discussed our weekend plans for the next few weeks, and I mentioned my upcoming visit to my ex's home in two weeks. He didn't take it well, even though he had never had an issue with our friendship before. He finds it "weird" and "odd" that I'm visiting my ex while being in a new relationship, and I agree with him. I'm aware that it's not the norm. I've never given him a reason not to trust me. I've never cheated in past relationships, and having experienced being cheated on myself, I know how painful it is, and I'd never do that. He says he trusts me, or rather, he says he "has to trust me" because he has no other choice. He doesn't forbid me from visiting my ex, but his tone and behavior indicate that it bothers him. When I asked him how he feels about it, he simply said, "I can't change it, so it doesn't matter what I think." I understand that communication is a learning curve, and this is his first longer-term relationship, so I'm willing to be patient as we both navigate this. However, it's been five days since we first talked about it, and there's no improvement in sight. I'll definitely still visit my ex because my main goal is to see people I'm not in touch with on social media. But I don't know how long I can tolerate my boyfriend's lack of communication. It's just a tiny part of our relationship. Most of the time, he communicates openly. It's just in this case, he's not, and it's bothering me immensely. Edit: Thank you very much in advance for all the comments. Unfortunately, I have a very busy weekend ahead, so I won't be able to respond to everyone, but I will read every comment. Just from quickly skimming through, I've already noticed some things that will definitely give me food for thought. Edit 2: Just a few things I've read a few times; I offered my boyfriend to come along. My ex's parents took me in like their own child, and I'm sure they would be excited to meet my boyfriend, their "foundling." However, my boyfriend declined without giving a reason. He also didn't want to meet my ex beforehand, claiming it would be "weird." Edit 3: My "main issue" is that I'd like to talk about the whole situation, possibly find a compromise, and ease both his and my conscience. However, it's challenging when he doesn't want to discuss it with me. That would be fine; we don't have to talk about everything. But he denies that there's anything to discuss, yet at the same time, he makes passive-aggressive comments that suggest he's not okay with it. Edit 4: I wouldn't have a problem if he visited an ex. I generally trust him until he gives me a reason not to. But apparently, that might be naive of me? Edit 5: I won't be staying in my ex's house; I'll be staying with his neighbor, with whom I'm in daily contact. Edit 6: I can't exactly pinpoint my question for you. I think I just wanted to get this off my chest, sort out my thoughts. --- #A few comments > You would do that to me exactly twice: the first and the last time. Unbelievable behavior. > Who does something like that 😅 I would never in my life let my girlfriend go to her ex, let alone stay overnight. Even maintaining contact with the parents and, even worse, the ex, I can't comprehend. I couldn't do it in my life, and I think it's very rare for another guy not to care if his girlfriend talks to her ex. Usually, it's a big no-go. I don't know anyone who would be cool with it. > I can understand that you don't want to simply give up on your acquaintances/friends from the past. However, please be aware that this is a tough pill for your boyfriend to swallow. He's your ex, and I assume you'll be staying there as well? That would be a problem for many. Your boyfriend seems to be doing his best to cope with the situation and isn't forbidding anything, yet you're still dissatisfied? He's showing you that it hurts him, and you (in my opinion) are just finding faults in him (communication) instead of seeing what you're currently expecting/demanding from him. I don't want to attack you, but I want to give you some food for thought: your views on meetings with ex-partners and perfect communication may not necessarily align with his. Give him some time to process this, instead of counting the days when, in your opinion, he's not "functioning ideally --- #Update [**UPDATE: My (F27) boyfriend (M29) has a problem with me visiting my ex-boyfriend (M28) and won't admit it.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/beziehungen/comments/16shlu6/) Tuesday, September 26 2023 (a month later) *removed TLDR of first post* First of all, a massive thank you to everyone who commented. As I mentioned, I didn't have time to respond to everyone over the weekend, but I read everything multiple times. You tore me apart in the comments, but that's exactly what I needed – a wake-up call. I realized that I definitely mishandled the whole situation by presenting my boyfriend with a fait accompli. That was pretty selfish of me, probably because I haven't been in a serious relationship for six years and had gotten used to a lifestyle where I only had to consider myself for decisions. But that's, of course, no excuse or justification for my actions, so on to the actual update. After the weekend, I initiated another conversation with my boyfriend. First and foremost, I apologized and basically explained to him what I wrote above. That my freedom over the past few years had apparently made me selfish and uncompromising, and that I definitely need to work on myself and how I communicate things. I then tried to explain to him in more detail why visiting my ex was so important to me. His family took me in when my parents kicked me out back then. They loved me as if I were their own child, just when I needed it most. Not just once did they pull me out of a depressive (in one case, even suicidal) pit, and I will be forever grateful for that. I'm still in regular contact with my ex's friends and meet up with someone from the group about every two months. I tried to make him understand that I'm not specifically going to see my ex but everyone who lives in that village. The annual town festival is THE weekend of the year when everyone comes together there. I told him how sorry I was but that the visit had been arranged for almost 10 months, and they were also counting on my help with the festival, and I would feel guilty. I had been looking forward to the festival for so long that not being able to go would break my heart a little. But despite all of this, none of these things were the end of the world, and they could somehow be straightened out. If he really wanted me to, I could cancel it. His reaction surprised me. He communicated that, thanks to the detailed explanation, he now understood and was happy for me to see those people again. He said that what had originally bothered him was how I had communicated it. He told me to go and have fun. However, he couldn't come along due to other commitments. The following two weeks were quite uneventful. Whenever the visit was mentioned, he genuinely seemed happy for me. Fast forward to the Friday I was supposed to leave. I came home from work at noon, packed the last of my things, and was ready to drive off. Except I couldn't find my car keys. I was sure they were on the hook that morning, but they weren't there. I searched the entire house. Nada, nothing. I then messaged my boyfriend, who was still at work, asking if he had seen them. After half an hour, he replied that he didn't know, but he could check his pockets to see if they were there. I thanked him and waited. Another half-hour passed, and he messaged that they were indeed in his pocket but that I didn't need to come to get them (it would take 30 minutes each way by public transport) because he'd be home in an hour anyway. I thought, alright, I'll wait for that hour and then leave. That way, I'll see him again before I go. After an hour and a half of waiting, I called him. He was still out with a colleague having a drink. At that moment, I had already given up on leaving that day without being overly tired. I told him not to rush, that I'd wait. So, I laid down on the couch and watched some TV series. Shortly before 11 at night, my boyfriend came home slightly tipsy and acted like everything was normal. I asked him if he could give me the car key so that I could leave early in the morning. After a few minutes of hesitation, he said that he had left it at work. Up until that point, I had remained calm because mistakes can happen. But then, I got angry. I asked if he was serious. Yes, he said, he was sorry, but there was nothing he could do now. The office was closed until Monday. But we could have a nice weekend at home. At that moment, I still didn't want to believe that he had orchestrated all of this, although the thought had briefly crossed my mind. I also couldn't talk about it anymore and started crying. To calm myself down, I decided to take my luggage and stay with a friend. In response, he left the room without saying a word and returned a minute later with the car key, which he had suddenly "found" and asked me to stay until the next morning. After another 15 minutes of crying, I drove to my friend's place anyway, and the next morning, I went to my ex-boyfriend's. Because I was there to help with the festival, I didn't have time to think about the situation or talk to him. But during the car ride home, I spent a long time trying to find a logical explanation for his behavior. I failed miserably. It's not even his car. He hardly ever drives my car, and when he does, he usually asks beforehand. So, I was pretty sure that all of this was planned. When I got home, he acted as if everything was okay, but he still seemed passive-aggressive. After unpacking, I confronted him during dinner about whether the whole thing was really an "accident." After repeatedly asking him because things seemed illogical to me (e.g., why he should take my key to work at all), he suddenly got very angry. He said he never said or meant it that way. Was I too stupid to understand his words? Both he and I exchanged insults and shouted at each other. Then a plate flew in my direction, and I left and spent the rest of the day with friends. I knew the relationship was over, but he may not have realized it yet. The next day, while he was at work, two friends and I packed all of his things, and then we waited for him to come home. He probably thought he could talk his way out of it again, but I told him it was over. He didn't want to accept it until he saw his packed things. He became loud and aggressive again, but after a ten-minute tirade, he finally returned my house key (threw it on the ground and spat on it) with the words "You damn slut, you'll regret this when you die alone! But at least you can screw your ex without a guilty conscience. That was surely your plan, that's what you wanted, right?" and then he left. Since then, I've blocked him everywhere and haven't seen him, and I hope it stays that way. I used to think that stories like these, when you read them on Reddit, are often exaggerated or even made up. And now something this crazy happened to me. I have no idea where it came from or how deep these aggressions were lurking inside him. To be honest, I'm still shocked by what came out of him. I've never been so afraid of another person and actually don't want to deal with the incident anymore, which is why the ending is probably quite short and lacking detail compared to the rest of the story. TLDR: I sincerely apologized and promised to work on myself. My boyfriend told me he forgave me and it was okay for me to visit my ex, but on the day I was supposed to leave, he hid my car keys to stop me. I ended up going anyway, and when I returned home, he exploded because I went. He threw a plate at me. Now he's also my ex-boyfriend (but I definitely won't be visiting him). --- #A few comments > You made the right decision to break up with him. Such manipulative behavior destroys trust, and you can't have a relationship with someone who plays such games. I'm sorry it escalated this way. Aggressive behavior is also unacceptable. Obviously, it made him very insecure that you went to see your ex. I think almost anyone would have felt strange about it. I would have asked him if he wanted to come along instead of excluding him. Before the relationship failed, your communication failed. However, that does not justify his behavior under any circumstances. > The comments section is wild. Many seem unable to distinguish between "allowing/prohibiting" and "you can do XY, but I have the following opinion and will probably draw those consequences." The end result may be the same, but the former implies a power imbalance, while the latter does not. Allowing or prohibiting things is done with children or people over whom one thinks they have control. The other option is a relationship on an equal footing, where each person can decide for themselves about possible consequences. So, if someone wants to visit their ex, you can say, "You are welcome to do that; however, I don't like it for these and those reasons, and I will reconsider our relationship." Then both sides know where they stand on this matter and can make a decision with appropriate consequences. For some, this might be a deal-breaker, for others not. Hiding car keys, manipulating, and throwing dishes are absolutely unacceptable. It's good that OP decided to end the relationship. --- **Reminder - I am not the original poster and the posts and comments were originally in German** *Marked as concluded as they broke up.*

My (F27) boyfriend (M29) has a problem with me visiting my ex-boyfriend (M28) and won't admit it.

CONCLUDED

throwra-c137

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1722f9j/my_f27_boyfriend_m29_has_a_problem_with_me/

172gfiw

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Primary-Shine-5657 **in** r/amiwrong trigger warnings: >!jealousy/insecurity!< mood spoilers: >!positive!<   [**Husband upset with my behavior at a concert**](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/16rgce7/husband_upset_with_my_behavior_at_a_concert/?share_id=dkrT5FU9umQWwZFMV_Qjj&utm_content=2&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) **- 25th September 2023** My husband (30m) and I (26f) went to a concert last weekend and we’ve argued about this a couple times since but aren’t seeing each other’s pov. I love this band and I have a favorite member. I am not attracted to this person, I just think he’s super talented. Want to mention the whole band is in their 50’s. I was front row and really hoping to get a guitar pick as they will toss a few into the crowd after the show. As the guy was leaving the stage I shouted his name and made like a praying gesture toward him saying please! He came to the edge of the stage and tossed me the pick and I caught it. I was jumping up and down saying thank you! He nodded at me and left. That is 100% the extent of our interaction and my husband witnessed the whole thing. He didn’t like it though. Was super mad, accused me of bouncing my boobs on purpose for the guy?? (I do not have much to bounce lol), it wasn’t that just a natural excited reaction. Says the guy had been checking me out and i was attention seeking. He found my ‘behavior’ super disrespectful and embarrassing. I didn’t do anything at the show besides that except sing and dance a bit like everyone else. It’s a metal show it’s not like a really sexy environment just head banging or jumping around a little. I just had jeans and a top on, low cut but like I said I don’t have any cleavage. Was I over the top? Is this like a known weird groupieish thing to do at shows or is he overreacting? Edit for added details: No alcohol involved. Role reversal would not bother me. Husband is not typically jealous/insecure but I am a pretty low key and shy person so he doesn’t get much occasion to be. Apart from concerts I don’t go out to bars/clubs, never without him, and I dress pretty modestly. If you really want to know the band message bc it’s kinda obscure and I don’t want to id myself further   **Comments** User1: *NTA. We are also metalheads, and my husband would be stoked for me if a band member gave me some memorabilia. It's like a gift from the gods.* User2: *My husband and I were on the railing for Fall Out Boy this year and Pete Wentz winked at me and then threw me a guitar pick and my husband jumped up and down with me lol* User3: *I love that your husband fangirled with you! This is the correct reaction!* User4: *Definitely!! This is the only correct reaction.* User5: *Just name the band already so I can decide if you’re the asshole or not lol. In all seriousness some people just don’t “get it” when it comes to concerts and live music. He sounds jealous* >Lmao it’s Mr Bungle. I have to know which direction that tips the scales *Lmao how can your husband NOT have a thing for Mike Patton?* >It wasn’t even Mike it was Trevor I don’t have a thing for any of them though &#x200B; *NTA, but I can’t stand the fan girl/boy thing either or anybody who obsesses over somebody else that doesn’t care about them or knows they exist. I feel for your husband in that regard because it would definitely be embarrassing to have your spouse obsess in any type of way over somebody that isn’t you. Whether you think you’re right or not, your husband was most definitely turned off by it enough to freak out on you for it. So I’d maybe take his feelings into consideration instead of asking Reddit because all the people telling you he’s an asshole and you’re right aren’t going to fix anything.* >I can understand that but in your opinion having fun at a show and asking for memorabilia and being excited about it is ‘obsession’? I can understand if there were other behaviors I’d be interested to hear what you think. Front row might seem kind of intense but it cost the same (low) price as any ga ticket. Did wait in line for a couple hours but that’s not too crazy when you’re short lol. I wear some merch and own their music. That’s about it &#x200B; **Overall Judgement - Husband is overreacting** &#x200B; [**Update: Husband upset with my behavior at a concert.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/16ukoze/update_husband_upset_with_my_behavior_at_a_concert/) **- 28th September 2023** Thank you for the response on my last post. I got some genuinely helpful advice and wanted to update. First, I know that post was validation-seeking but I just needed to know if I was crazy or not for thinking my behavior wasn’t out of line. A lot of people brought up points I hadn’t thought of regarding why my husband may have reacted the way he did. And I had some conversations that made me think more about other jealous/insecure behaviors my husband displays that I have been accommodating without really thinking about it. So I decided to have a talk with him. I did not apologize for anything but validated his feelings about it, reassured him of my lack of any physical or romantic interest in that person and my absolute love and devotion to him. He ended up apologizing for making accusations about my intentions. We had a further discussion about some other behaviors around his jealousy/insecurity and the root of those feelings, which I will not get into except to say that he took responsibility for them and intends to work on it. We ended up in a really good place and I feel great about things. I know this won’t make everyone happy when the range of responses I got was everything from divorce your abuser immediately to stop being a fatherless hoe, but it is what it is. May seem dramatic for a small issue but as I said, underlying issues. Thanks again. &#x200B; **Comments** *The fact an adult came to reddit for advice before just speaking to their partner is baffling* >I know it’s stupid, but we did talk and it didn’t go anywhere. We could not see each other’s point of view and he was not able to express why he felt the way he did. Asking gave me perspectives I didn’t have before and it was helpful. I understand what you mean though. &#x200B; *So did you compromise about anything, or did you manage to get out of this without taking any personal flack at all? The word I'm specifically looking for is compromise. As in, your husband said he would take it easy and work on his insecurity, right? What have you done to better your relationship with him?* >I want to do more to show him that he is loved and appreciated and that he and our life together excites me and I let him know that. I should have included that. &#x200B; *Thank you for the reply and clarification. You're only right that you should have included it because we readers can only go on the words you give us... if you don't include the words, it doesn't exist for us. I'm glad you and your partner are on a better path. Just food for thought though... this sort of thing... "If my husband isn’t okay with that, that’s up to him to decide what to do".... that's not healthy language.* *That's dangerous, and shows some subconscious issues of your own that you should address before they become a problem. You need to remember that your husband is your lifeline, and he is just as responsible for your comfort as you are his. If you treat him like that, telling him it's up to him to decide, chances are he will decide.* >I understand what you’re saying with the language. But at some point there’s a line, right? I’m not willing to police the way I naturally express joy at a concert when I don’t feel my behavior is inappropriate in any way. &#x200B; >I’m willing to do my part in addressing the underlying issues of why it makes him feel uncomfortable. I’m not saying I think it will come to that but at some point if that’s not acceptable for him he would have to evaluate if I’m the right partner for him. But yeah that’s not where we’re at all, we are in a good place.   **OOP** [**comments**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/172gfiw/comment/k3zndml/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **on this post as regards Mr Bungle** *Hi I’m OOP! No one will probably see this but just wanted to say thanks for the support here, it’s very kind. Also just to note- maybe ‘obscure’ is the wrong word but no one I know knows mr Bungle. So many guesses were huge bands like Metallica, I was just trying to put it in perspective that this person isn’t like a mega star at all lol. Also for people saying they aren’t metal, they pretty much exclusively play thrash now! Very much a metal show.* &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My Husband is upset with my behavior at a concert

CONCLUDED

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/172gfiw/my_husband_is_upset_with_my_behavior_at_a_concert/

172gv2g

I am NOT OP. Original post by a deleted user in r/amiwrong Post was deleted but preserved at r/AmITheDevil trigger warnings: >!infidelity!< mood spoilers: >!positive for 'Arthur'!< **New Update is from 30th September** **Previous BoRU is** [**here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15djbgw/oop_gets_his_parents_uninvited_to_his_brothers/)**.**  [**Am I wrong for accidently getting my parents uninvited from my brother's wedding?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/153jbne/comment/jsjllcg/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **- 19th July 2023** &#x200B; Back when my(25m) ex "Maria"(24f) and I were dating we set my brother "Arthur"(24m) up with his ex "Jen"(24f) who was Maria's (I guess now ex) best friend. Maria and I dated for about a year, and Arthur and Jen dated for about 9 months. We'd constantly do things together since Maria and Jen were best friends. Out of our little group, my personality matched Jen's the most, which led to us getting close. I felt so comfortable around Jen, and we both had a moment of weakness. We were at a party, and we did the deed. We snuck around for about a week before Arthur and Maria found out. Jen and I decided we'd be better together, so we broke off our relationship and started dating each other. Jen and I dated for about 6 months, and it was amazing until I found out she was cheating on me and she left me for the other guy. I was heartbroken. I thought I found my match. I kept thinking about how good Maria was to me. In hindsight, she treated me way better than Jen ever did. I went to message her to beg her to take me back but decided to look at her Instagram pictures first and that's when I found out that her and Arthur had started dating in the 6 months Jen and I were together. They've been together for 4 years, and I found out from my parents that they're getting married in September. It hurt so much finding that out. What hurt even more was the fact that I didn't receive an invite. I mean, I know things have happened between us, but Arthur and I are brothers. We're family. When I told my parents I hadn't received an invite, they phoned Arthur and tried to get him to invite me, but all that ended up doing is getting them uninvited. I tried calling Arthur to get them re-invited and to get myself invited but he didn't answer any of my calls. My parents haven't said anything, but I feel like they're mad at me for getting them uninvited from Arthur's wedding. Am I wrong for accidently getting my parents uninvited from my brother's wedding?   **Top Comments** *Dear god you expected the person you cheated on to take your cheating ass back and you're shocked, shocked to discover your brother doesn't want your cheating ass at his wedding. Go figure.* &#x200B; *I’d bet mom and dad tried the “If you don’t invite your brother we won’t come” trick.* *I can picture brother unemotionally saying “cool by me, I’ll save you to trouble of having to RSVP no. You’re not invited.”* *They fucked around and found out.* &#x200B; *I’d argue his parents ruined it for themselves.* *What parents would petition the groom for an invite to the person who cheated on the bride and helped the grooms ex GF cheat on him? The betrayal is so massive. And NC and no wedding invite is the unlubed dildo of consequence from those actions.* *To advocate for OOP is to take sides. And given OOp’s behavior, it makes me wonder if OOP is the golden child, or at least favored a bit more.* &#x200B; **The Brother Responds** [**My brother slept with and ran off with my ex and now wants an invite to my wedding, getting my parents uninvited in the process**](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/156wgjj/my_brother_slept_with_and_ran_off_with_my_ex_and/) **- 22nd July 2023** Original post by u/throwaway6789123451 in r/EntitledPeople &#x200B; I(24m) wasn't even going to make a post about this, but my brother, who I'll call Turk(25m), made 4 posts about it, so I thought I should share my side of the story. I'll use the same names he did for the sake of simplicity. My fiancé is "Maria"(24f) and my ex is "Jen"(24f) A little over 5 years ago, my brother started dating Maria, my (now) fiance. 3 months after they started dating, they set me up with her (now ex) best friend, Jen. The 4 of us did a lot together since the girls were best friends. Turk and Maria dated for a year, and Jen and I dated for 9 months. At the end of our relationship, I came home early and found Turk and Jen having sex in my bed. After I processed the situation, I called Maria because I'd want to know if I was in her place. She came over, and we confronted Turk and Jen. They dumped us, and I found out 2 days later, started dating each other. It broke me. I came home to find my brother fucking my girlfriend only to run off with her. I had to move back in with my parents. It was infuriating because they kept talking about how happy Turk and Jen were. Throughout the next couple of months, Maria and I started talking. We were two people in similar shitty situations, and we found some comfort in each other. 4 months after we got dumped, Maria and I officially started dating. 6 months after we got dumped, Turk found out that Jen was cheating on him and she left him for the other guy (I actually only found this out today from reading Turks post). Maria would get the occasional message from Turk, trying to reconnect but she ignored him. Anyway, moving on to now. Maria and I are engaged and getting married in September. My parents were invited until my mom called me and threatened to not come if I didn't invite Turk. I told her to not bother coming regardless. In my mother's eyes, Turk can do no wrong. When he fucked and started dating my ex, I told my parents everything he did and my mom tried defending him. Our relationship isn't the greatest but it was somewhat decent. After I uninvited my parents (I only uninvited my mom but my dad texted me and said he's not coming if my mom isn't) Turk blew up my phone trying to get ahold of me. This is the first time he's even tried reaching out to me in 4 years. Like I said before, Turk posted about this situation here on reddit as well and apparently my parents told him that Maria and I were getting married and that started this whole thing of them getting uninvited. He's stopped calling me but he's blowing up my phone with texts begging me to re-invite my parents and possibly give him an invite. So yeah, I just wanted to get my side out there. &#x200B; **Top Comments** *Your mom downplaying what he did to you is kinda telling who's side she's on. I've come across that piece. It seems in Turks eyes; he didn't do anything wrong either. And trying to get ahold of Maria is also trying to steal her from you...* *You're better off without all of them from your life, moving forward. Good luck with your upcoming wedding.* &#x200B; *Turks a dick.* *You should give them invites but to a different location. Like a graveyard since he cant stop digging up the past with Maria. Just make sure noone gives them the real address .* >That's a funny idea &#x200B; *Your entire family is toxic asf. How dare they take Turk's side?! At this point, OP, cut your losses. You said you're parents think Turk can do no wrong. That'll never change.* *They constantly disregard your feelings, which isn't ok. You were broken from witnessing Turk & Jen having sex in your f\*cking bed! How could your parents think that's ok? So, what did they expect when you didn't invite your brother to one of the most precious times of your life?* *I'm proud for you for standing up for yourself & Maria. That takes a lot of self-respect & strength. I'm thrilled for you to have found someone who completes you. Let's go! You deserve happiness.* *As I said, though, get out of there. More guilt trips & toxic behavior from your family will ensue otherwise. You deserve better* &#x200B; >Thank you so much. I think this is the beginning of the end of my relationship with my parents. &#x200B; >My parents and I have a pretty rocky relationship since my brother can do no wrong in their eyes, yet I do almost all wrong in their eyes. They threatened not to come if I didn't invite my brother, and I said don't bother coming at all. &#x200B; **New Update Starts Here** [**Small update about my brother who slept with and ran off with my ex then tried to get an invite to my wedding**](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/16vvo4w/small_update_about_my_brother_who_slept_with_and/?share_id=KDErkOBC-F-XV1tSOXrId&utm_content=2&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) **- 30th September 2023** Here's a summary since my original post is pretty long. My brother, Turk, set me up with my ex. I walked in on him and my ex having sex in my bed, and It broke me. My wife, Maria, was also cheated on, so we understood each other. Maria and I dated for four years until we got married a couple of weeks ago. 2 months before my wedding, Turk talked to my parents and got my mom to try to get him invited, but all that did was get my mom uninvited. My dad didn't come because my mom didn't. That's basically it. My wedding was amazing, it went so smoothly. I didn't hear from Turk. He didn't even show up as far as I know. My parents didn't show up and try to make a scene or anything, which was good. My mom didn't text me, but my dad texted me saying congratulations. I guess Turk talked to my mom because she texted me shortly after my honeymoon, basically begging me to forgive Turk because he's my brother. I didn't text back. It's not worth it. That was a week ago, and I haven't gotten any other texts from my mom or Turk since. And that's it. The funny part is that Turk is still trying to get our mom to solve his problems. But all of that's behind me now. &#x200B; **Comments** User1: *Congrats on getting married. Glad it was drama free. Hopefully your parents learn to respect your boundaries in the future.* User2: *Things like this are so weird, with Mom saying forgive him because he’s family, but no one ever saying to fck your family’s partners. Congrats on your marriage! Now go forth and live your best life.* User3: *What's more, they usually don't advise the sibling they want forgiven to go grovel to their brother/sister... or even offer a common apology. Not that anyone is required to forgive somebody for an offense of that magnitude no matter what they do, but I've noticed that the parents who demand that the injured sibling forgive don't even also demand that the offender do everything in their power to earn forgiveness. It's just supposed to be handed to them on a platter.* User 4: Exactly. Where is the contrition, apology, and the attempt to make amends? That's what is usually required before forgiveness could be considered. But, there's none of that here. &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

[Final Update] - Am I wrong for accidently getting my parents uninvited from my brother's wedding?

NEW UPDATE

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/172gv2g/final_update_am_i_wrong_for_accidently_getting_my/

172njns

[**aita for forcing my teenage daughter to go to church?**](https://www.tumblr.com/am-i-the-asshole-official/720776246555033601/aita-for-forcing-my-teenage-daughter-to-go-to) \- Submitted anonymously to [am-i-the-asshole-official.tumblr.com](https://am-i-the-asshole-official.tumblr.com) on June 21, 2023: &#x200B; aita for forcing my teenage daughter to go to church? my daughter (14f) told me that she did not believe in god about a year ago. our family goes to church every sunday, and she has taken to protesting about wanting to go. it is a family tradition that we all go together, so me and my husband continued to take her to church with us. mind you, we attend a very nice, judgement-free, liberal sort of church, and nobody there is judging her for her beliefs, but we do ask that she sing the hymns and participate in prayers to be polite. she has come to me and told me that she doesn't like going to church, and that she feels as though we are trying to "fix" her, even though i have assured her that this is not the case. we let her wear more masculine clothing to church, too, to make her happier, and if there are younger kids present who need to be watched during the service, the church pays her to do it. our family has always seen attending church as a way to feel closer to one another and to god, and i am worried that it will split the family apart if she stays home from church. i cannot stress enough that we are not forcing our beliefs upon her, we simply want her to participate in a family activity. so, aita? &#x200B; *Judgement was YTA at 81.9% of the vote.* &#x200B; [**Update**](https://www.tumblr.com/am-i-the-asshole-official/720872954014138368/aita-for-forcing-my-teenage-daughter-to-go-to) \- Submitted anonymously to am-i-the-asshole-official.tumblr.com on June 22, 2023: &#x200B; hi!! this is the "aita for forcing my 14 yo daughter to go to church" anon and i saw a bunch of people saying it was bait and how weird it was that some old christian woman was typing in all lowercase on tumblr, of all platforms. a couple people suggested this was the 14yo daughter writing from the moms perspective, and they were absolutely correct! i was trying to put myself in her shoes to see if i was just overreacting, as she often tells me i am. its been so validating to read peoples comments and rbs, and dw im def not talking to her more than necessary after i move out <3 just wanted to clear things up!!

aita for forcing my teenage daughter to go to church?

EXTERNAL

passingthrough3333

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/172njns/aita_for_forcing_my_teenage_daughter_to_go_to/

172pma6

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Suspicious\_Set\_9294](https://www.reddit.com/user/Suspicious_Set_9294/). He posted in r/askgaybros **Trigger Warning:** >!homophobia!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!sad!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/16w43hl/boyfriends_family_excluded_me_from_the_family/)**: September 30, 2023** For context, I’ve (26M) been with my boyfriend (27M) for seven years. He comes from a big family with many siblings but we don’t get to see them very often because everyone has such busy lives. Some months ago his parents started planning a family vacation to which we, his brothers/sisters, their partners, and children were all invited so we could all see each other and have a good time. When he first told me about this vacation I was very excited as I had never been to this particular destination. I was looking forward to seeing his family. His parents have always been really kind to me and treated me like a son. Last week my boyfriend and I were having dinner and I had noticed that he was acting a bit off, so I asked him what was wrong. He told me that it’s probably for the best that I don’t go with them on this vacation. I was confused, asking him to elaborate. He told me about a conversation he had earlier with one of his brothers who expressed concern about a gay couple being around and “influencing” his children that would be there. As far as I’m aware, it’s only this specific brother that’s uncomfortable with it and the rest of the family has no idea. I was honestly lost for words. Saddened and disappointed by the blatant homophobia and fear mongering I would never have expected from one of his family members who seemed so accepting for all these years. My boyfriend told me he’s still going on the trip without me because he’s family, it’s not a big deal, some people just have the wrong idea about “guys like us”, it’s just the way it is, that later we’ll go somewhere just the two of us. He leaves tomorrow. I guess I just feel really sad and alone right now. Any advice on how to deal with this? ***Relevant Comments:*** *Lots of concern over bf capitulating to their homophobia. OOP has several thoughts:* "I don’t understand it either. I’m really hurt that my boyfriend is going without me. He introduced me as his boyfriend from the start. I will say his family has always treated us well and I never had any reason to believe they didn’t like me until now. This came out of left field." "Maybe my vision is just clouded right now but i honestly don’t know what to think. He’s been trying to make me feel better about it and making promises for the future, but the fact he’s comfortable going on this trip in the presence of an admitted homophobe is really troubling for me. I’ve tried to understand his perspective, but if the roles were reversed I would absolutely not go on that trip." *I kind of question your bf's longterm commitment to you:* "Yeah, that really worries me. We’ve been talking about marriage and other things and now this has got me feeling like he’ll just pack up and leave me whenever he feels like it." *If the whole family is going along with brother's request, then the whole family is homophobic:* "I will ask my boyfriend about this before he leaves, but as far as I’m aware everyone else wants us there. I don’t think they even know about this. The impression I got was his brother called him on the side and expressed that he was uncomfortable with the representation of a gay couple." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/16xn35v/update_boyfriends_family_excluded_me_from_the/)**: October 1, 2023 (Next Day)** Hi everyone. This is an update to my [previous post](https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/16w43hl/boyfriends_family_excluded_me_from_the_family/). Thanks to everyone who left advice and support on my original post. I felt so sad and alone in that moment and your support has meant so much to me. I read and agreed with a majority of your comments, it really opened my eyes to what was going on. I apologize for not being able to respond to every comment, though I did read all of them and it helped me decide what to do moving forward. After everything that happened I decided to reach out to my boyfriend's parents to let them know what was going on. They were very apologetic and apparently had no idea about any of this. They assured me they definitely want me there and would talk to the brother to see what's up. I made it clear however that I was no longer comfortable going on this vacation and they were very understanding. I honestly did not want to be there under the insane narrative that was suggested. My boyfriend and I then sat down to talk before he left. I was really angry that he didn't defend me or even himself from his brother's blatant homophobia. He became defensive and told me it's not about me but about the children, that he doesn't want to cause any friction within the family by not going. I told him that if he feels comfortable going on that trip and leaving me here, I would not be here when he returns. He went on to tell me that I'm overreacting about the whole thing and I can't argue with how other people want to parent their children. This was a big red flag to me. It almost felt like I was talking to a straight person who doesn't understand what we as gays deal with. It was a gut punch knowing all of his straight siblings and their partners were allowed to be there with no fear of "influencing" any children. The rhetoric was insane to me regardless, what if any of those children turn out to be gay? I didn't have any representation of that growing up, wish I did. It's not like we would be there having sex in front of everybody or something. We were literally just going to be spending time with all of the family and relaxing. I felt like something was missing though, like I didn't have the full story. So I pressed him for more. After some back and fourth I eventually got it out of him that the reason he's being like this is "in case you and I don't work out and I've just created a bad relationship with my family over nothing." So I asked him if he had doubts about our relationship to which he said he doesn't and I'm the love of his life, and while he doesn't agree with his brother at all he doesn't want to cut him off entirely. I genuinely felt like I was talking to a different person. This is the same man who cut off homophobic friends in the past, but he draws the line at family. In fact, I had to cut out some of my own family who weren't supportive of our relationship years ago. To have my boyfriend tell me I wasn't enough for him to defend our relationship was very hurtful. At the least he could have said if I wasn't invited he wouldn't be going either. It just felt so spineless to me. We've had a happy, heathy relationship of seven years with a great sex life and nothing but love and amazing memories with each other. We really grew up with each other. I've been with him since I was 19. Just days ago we were talking about marriage, moving, and being together for the rest of our lives. In the end he decided he was going on the vacation. After he left, I texted him that I will not be treated like this and we're done, his shit will be waiting outside for when he returns, he can have fun "influencing" his brother's children by simply being himself. Since then he's completely changed his tune, blowing up my phone apologizing and offering to come home early. Ultimately what did the relationship in for me was the uncertainty of the future. I felt so disrespected and dehumanized by the whole thing. I've tried to understand his perspective but I just don't. I couldn't imagine doing something like that to him. It felt like he wasn't on my side anymore, that our relationship and commitment meant nothing to him. Honestly, it hurts right now but I'll be fine. I kinda feel stupid, like I wasted seven years of my life with this person who doesn't even care about or respect me. I'm staying with a friend right now and doing my best to get through this. Take care everyone. edit: I understand some people don’t agree with my decision. It wasn’t an easy one to make. I did and still do love my now ex-BF very much. For me it felt like the right call. Him walking out was a dealbreaker for me. Felt like he just didn’t care about me or our relationship anymore. ***Relevant Comments:*** *A few (downvoted) people say he gave up too quickly:* "What I’m struggling with is how would I trust this person again? I didn’t do what he and his brother did, surprising me a week before this vacation that I would be personally excluded because of something out of my control. He knew well ahead of time that doing this would really hurt me and instead of staying with me and comforting me he decided to leave me behind." "I get what you’re saying and it was the reason for my hesitation initially, but the thing is, what he did was a dealbreaker for me. It would be the same if cheated on me, it’s over. Don’t know how I’ll feel in the future but right now I want nothing to do with him. I don’t know how to trust him again. He willingly left me here knowing how I felt about it, that sent a clear message to me that I don’t matter enough for him to reconsider." "It was just like until I said I was done there was no other option. He downplayed my feelings and told me I was overreacting. He was so fixated on going and didn’t care that I wouldn’t be there. When he walked out of our place I just froze up and I knew it was over then and I couldn’t lie to myself anymore. I can’t see how it’s something “so small.” What he did sent me a message that our relationship isn’t the most important thing to him and he doesn’t care about me." *Internalized Homophobia?* "I feel it might be some kind of internalised homophobia. Another comment was mentioning my ex-BF’s childhood and that reminded me that he was bullied in school for being gay and presented very masculine ever since. He was always most vulnerable around me. I can only assume he wanted his image to be a certain way around his brother and so he just goes along with it." *Once more to reiterate the timeline:* "It’s not like my ex was blindsided like I was - he knew well ahead of time the way this would make me feel and the implications of such a decision, but didn’t care until it got too real." *Still nuts that it's been 7 years and the brother is only now being homophobic:* "I’m right there with you honestly. Still don’t know why. I’ve searched my memories for anything over the years and I can’t find anything. It really just came out of the blue. Chances are his brother was always homophobic and hid it until the right opportunity arose." *I guess it's good you weren't married yet:* "Actually it’s funny you mention that. I was thinking to myself about why we never got married after all of this time. We had been talking about it, but it seemed to always be a ‘one day’ sort of thing. Now I wonder if it had something to do with his family. I’m open to having a conversation with him about everything once some time has passed, though I have no expectations of it going anywhere. The part that really bothers me is that from my posts describing what happened you’d think he had serious doubts about long term commitment, and maybe he did, but until a week ago I NEVER got that impression ever once in our entire time together. I genuinely believe this was some sudden form of internalised homophobia taking place. God does it suck though. Going from seven amazing years together to just nothing. I’ve learnt a lot and I’ll cherish the good times, and I’m mostly feeling alright, but sometimes it really hits hard."

Boyfriend’s family excluded me from the family vacation.

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/172pma6/boyfriends_family_excluded_me_from_the_family/

172pmas

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Icy_Maintenance_2283 **Originally posted in Discord brought up by u/soayherder to this BoRU** **I’m gay and my wife of 3 years found out** **Originally posted to** r/offmychest Trigger Warnings: >!Emotional manipulation and infidelity!< --- &nbsp; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/16xbwp8/im_gay_and_my_wife_of_3_years_found_out/) – **October 1, 2023** I (M24), found out I was gay. A few weeks ago I came out to one of my gay friends, let’s call him Sam, and he suggested we go to this gay bar nearby, at the time, I thought I was Bisexual. But this changed everything. The realization that I was gay was shattering, I couldn’t look at my wife in the same light anymore, and I could tell she knew something was up. I had never seen myself as a gay man, but Sam tried making sure I was comfortable, and helped me explore more with my sexuality. I have never condoned in cheating, but he was so open and helpful about the situation I was in. Everyday I came home late and she knew something was going on. I couldn’t bring it up. One night when I got home I saw my wife sitting on the couch waiting for me. She demanded I told her what was happening and told me that one of her friends saw me going into a gay club a few days ago with Sam. She yelled at me claiming I was cheating and told me to leave. I packed some stuff and went to a hotel for the night. I’m sitting on the bed of the hotel room and I don’t know what to do. I still love my wife, just not romantically. Please tell me what I should do, I think she’s filing for divorce. I don’t want her leaving me. She’s my best friend and I don’t want to ruin everything because I don’t feel anything towards her romantically anymore. EDIT: I read some of the comments, and I admit I am in the wrong. One thing I’d like to make clear is that I have never touched another man sexually, or spoke to another man romantically, even when I went to these clubs. I can’t deny that I was cheating, and I will never forgive myself for it. I know I have to move on and apologize. I don’t want to force myself back into her life, and I believe that she deserves time to think before I contact her. I am willing to wait until she is ready to see me again. What I did was wrong and impulsive. I am currently at Sam’s house and he keeps telling me that I deserve better. I’m happy he’s here for me, but some of the things he’s saying about my wife and feelings are making me want to leave. I know he cares about me but I don’t know if he has the right intentions. I’ll update you guys if anything happens. Thank you so much for the support. &nbsp; [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/16xhf73/im_gay_and_my_wife_of_3_years_found_out_update/) – **October 1, 2023 (Same day, three hours later)** I read all of the angry comments and feedback, and as much as I want to say it was harsh, it wasn’t. It was honestly the reality check I needed. After I edited the post, I left Sam’s house. I see now what he was trying to do and it was disgusting. What I am and was doing is selfish. I really do care about my wife and I want what’s best for her. I should’ve thought about her emotions sooner, and spoke to her about what was going on. I want to give her time, and I am planning to go ahead with the divorce. I really do care about her, but I know I have to let her go. I am planning on cutting all contact with Sam, I want to do the right thing. After I post this I’m going to text my wife about this situation and apologize. I don’t want to go back home until she’s ready to see me, If I do end up going back home it will be while she’s at work. I know she probably isn’t taking this well and neither am I. I don’t want to force her into seeing me, even if that includes her cutting all contacts with me. I’m going to talk to my therapist tomorrow. Thank you for all of the comments, even the rude ones, I really appreciate the feedback and I understand now what I did wrong. &nbsp; **Relevant Comment from OOP:** ***Indecentguest:** You’re not a victim, you made a choice, you chose to be gay with your mate. I hope your mrs finds someone who will satisfy her sexually and raise your kids right.* >**OP:** I don’t have kids, and I know i’m not a victim. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP**

I’m gay and my wife of 3 years found out

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/172pmas/im_gay_and_my_wife_of_3_years_found_out/

172pme7

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/engineerdoinglife](https://www.reddit.com/user/engineerdoinglife/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole, r/relationship_advice and her own page. **Mood Spoiler:** >!sweet!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16wjpjb/wibta_if_i_told_my_husband_im_disappointed_with/)**: September 30, 2023** My husband (34M) and my (31F) wedding anniversary was this week, but we delayed celebrating until this weekend. We do traditional gifts for anniversaries and this year is flowers/fruit. He is not great with gifts and asked for ideas last month and I sent him a link to an Etsy shop that makes “birth flower jewelry” and told him I’d like something with our sons birth flower. I also let him know he could just get me flowers or anything else and that would be fine as well. For his gift I picked up chocolate covered strawberries, wine (because grapes,) and went to a fancy cheese shop to get some fruit infused cheeses, meat, etc to make a really nice charcuterie spread for tonight. I’m going to create a “picnic” in our living room, and I think it’s going to be really cute. I also got him a card and wrote a heartfelt message. Just for reference. I assumed that he had figured my gift out BEFORE our anniversary, so imagine my surprise when I opened a prime box and found a jewelry box. I didn’t open it but it was labelled birth flower necklace” so it was obvious. Honestly I’m a little disappointed but I’m not sure if I’m being unfair and could use some perspective. 1. If he ordered the gift via prime that means that he didn’t order it until after the actual day of our anniversary had passed. 2. The box was labelled with MY birth flower, not my sons. Which is not what I wanted. 3. The box/labelling looks very cheap, and looking on Amazon I think he ordered a low quality piece (think Chinese Amazon front, <$20.) when we were younger I would wear jewelry like this and it would always fall apart, color my skin, and/or tarnish quickly. I’m a bit upset. I spent a significant amount of consideration and money on his gift and he totally flubbed mine in a way that specifically seems very uncaring. He’s going to be giving me the gift tonight so I have about 4 hours to figure out how I’m going to respond. I don’t want to ruin our plans with a fight but I’d like to (gently) tell him I’d rather he order something I will actually wear. Or should I just thank him, not say anything, and just not wear the gift? Am I being entitled? ***Relevant Comments (from both AITA and relationship advice)*** *Has your husband done anything else for your anniversary? Perhaps his love language is different...* "Our date is in about an hour (baby bedtime + time to “get ready” for our at-home date lol so I will know then! Thanks for the thoughtful response. His love language is physical touch and quality time. Gifts isn’t on his radar so he definitely struggles. He’s done well the last couple of years (the traditional marriage gift theme was his idea to help narrow down ideas.) Maybe he has something else up his sleeve, maybe it’s just a bad year. Either way he’s a great husband and partner and I don’t want to hurt his feelings, hence posting this before the date. Again, thank you for the thoughtful response!" *Charcuterie isn't good either:* "He really likes charcuterie actually. He told me his parents regularly did that for their Friday night date nights and he thought it was cool growing up so now we do also. I just wanted to do a very fancy version." "He’s very into charcuterie actually lol. He buys the cheap meat/cheese trays literally every time he does the shopping, so that’s why I decided to do an elevated version." *If you already do that for date nights, yours isn't special either:* "Fair enough! I think maybe the fruit/flowers restriction threw us both for a loop. I thought that by doing an elevated version of something he likes it would be a thoughtful gift, but based on the comments I’ve missed the mark." *One more 'your gift was cheap' for OOP's context:* "It’s was nearly $200 all in but okay lol" ***OOP is voted NTA, but on both subs people encourage her to wait and see what happens and talk to him another night*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/engineerdoinglife/comments/16x2bnv/update_to_wibta_if_i_told_my_husband_im/)**: October 1, 2023 (Next Day)** We had our anniversary date last night and it was really lovely. Just to recap, every year we follow the traditional wedding gift themes so this year was fruit and flowers. Despite many commenters belief that I have trapped by husband and unfairly insist that he must buy me things and selected a yearly theme to make it harder for him… he was the one who originally suggested following the traditional gift theme! I love that we do it, I think it’s a nice tradition and every year we can look back at the last themes and reminisce on what we did, gifted, etc. Based on some of the feedback saying that “my” gift was actually for both of us, I didn’t set out the chocolate covered strawberries with the rest of the food/wine. I gave them to him separately and made sure to let him know they were just for him and he didn’t need to share. He did insist on my having two so that I could try each flavor, and then ate the remaining 10 all himself so safe to say it was a hit. The charcuterie spread was excessive and delicious. He asked me to explain the various items and was an especially big fan of the huckleberry goat cheese spread with prosciutto. Some commenters asked about my husbands love language; its physical touch and quality time. The nice thing about the “picnic” was that we could cuddle while we ate and when the food/wine was gone we “celebrated” like mommies and daddies do. A surprising amount of people wanted to make sure that was a part of the gift as well? Y’all are weird. A few commenter also pointed out that I didn’t know if the necklace was all he had done, and they were right! In addition to the necklace, he had also bought flowers and MY favorite wine. “Well yeah, grapes are a fruit!” So we both had that same idea lol. I didn’t say anything about the necklace until this morning. I told him I loved that he remembered I wanted a birth flower gift but would be be okay if I exchanged it for one with our sons flower instead? He responded “don’t worry about it, it was really cheap, i just remembered this week that you’d mentioned it so I figured I should get something like that. If you want something else let’s just order it.” I should have known better than to spend time stressed about the conversation, he’s a very laid back guy. So yeah! A great night. I’ll just add a gentle reminder that these posts don’t paint the full picture of a person, a relationship, or a life. My husband and I are very happy, we have an amazing life together, and he is a great partner to me and father to our son. I’m not some evil “bridezilla” (as someone commented), and he is not an abusive asshole (but thanks to the person who contacted Reddit cares.) We decided last night we are ready to start planning baby #2, so I’m excited to continue building our life together! Be well Reddit! **Edit: I had a request to show this comment exchange from this post!** u/whyagaypotato: My headcanon is that he ate all 10 in one sitting immediately after they both ate the first 2. No breaks for breathing, only vacuum. OOP: I am cackling at this comment because that’s literally what happened

WIBTA if I told my husband I’m disappointed with the jewelry he ordered me?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/172pme7/wibta_if_i_told_my_husband_im_disappointed_with/

172pmi0

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Different-Face-6704](https://www.reddit.com/user/Different-Face-6704/). He posted in r/AmItheAsshole and his own page. I added paragraph spaces for readability. PLEASE READ THE WARNINGS **Trigger Warning:** >!incest; sexual harrassment!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!wtf wtf wtf seriously wtf!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16vaa8h/aita_for_leaving_the_restaurant_after_my_sister/)**: September 29, 2023** I've had this account for a bit, but I prefer lurking instead of posting. My (19M) sister 'Hailey' (20F, not real name) is a very open and flirty person. She's never put a label on her sexuality but she has said she's attracted to everyone. Ever since we were in high school, she'd often flirt with girls I was interested in. She'd also flirt with my friends when they'd come over to hang out. Sometimes Hailey would even come into my room without knocking just to talk to them. It was very uncomfortable and some of my friends even stopped coming over to my house because of it. This made me really angry and I told our parents (45M and 42F) but they'd always say I'm being homophobic and to leave her alone. So she'd always get away with it. A few months after she graduated, she moved out of the house and I haven't had to deal with her flirting with my friends anymore. Seven months ago I met my now girlfriend 'Layla' (18F) and we really hit it off. We've been together a little over four months. One thing to note about Layla is that she's really shy, so she's never voices any concerns until after the fact. Well I really wanted her to meet my parents so we set up a quick dinner at a nice restaurant on Tuesday night. Without even telling me, my parent's invited Hailey (who was almost 30 minutes late). For the better part of the dinner, she would constantly flirt with my girlfriend. She'd give Layla compliments about her clothing, body, facial features, and even offer her number multiple times. My parent's would just laugh along with her antics saying it's just how she normally is. But I could clearly see Layla was uncomfortable so I paid my side of the bill and took her home. When we got to her house, I asked if I could spend the night and she said yes. And that's where I've been for the past few days. My parents and Hailey have been blowing up my (edit:phone) calling me all sorts of names, which has me thinking I was in the wrong. I haven't answered any of my sister's messages but I told my mom where I am. When I asked Layla about it she said the compliments were nice at first but she got uncomfortable. So AITA for making a big deal out of my sister flirting with my girlfriend? ETA: I didn't put my reasoning, sorry. My parents think I'm an asshole for ignoring my sister's messages, and an even bigger asshole for walking out of the restaurant. They say I was entitled and rude. Does this make me TA? **Editor's note-** there was a second edit, but OOP deleted it to make room for his 3rd and 4th edits, which pointed to his update. I have been unable to recover the second update. ***Relevant Comments:*** *On OOP's relationship with his sister:* "I'm already really low contact with my sister and have been since a few months after she moved out. Last time I saw her was Easter for a few minutes. I'm thinking of going LC with my parents but my gf says she would feel bad if this is the reason I stop talking to my parents. I don't want her to think it's her fault, but I'm pretty sure she's going to blame herself anyways." *Would your parents think it was cute/funny if you flirted with Hailey's dates?* "Hailey has never been in a relationship long enough for them to meet our parents, which is why I think she has so much fun flirting with everyone. It just makes me angry when I can visibly see my friends and gf getting uncomfortable with it. A few told her to stop before but she didn't." "That actually reminds me of a time one of her female friends came over a few years ago and I hinted that she was pretty. My mom said I was a creep and had to stop 'stalking' my sister's friend." *I bet if you had a BROTHER your parents would be far less fine with this:* "I've often wondered that and a few of my friends have mentioned it before. But my parents have always shut down the conversation before I could bring it up.Besides this, Hailey and I used to be very close and we had a bunch of stuff in common. But then she came out and it's put a huge strain on our relationship." "I'm sure my sister was actually my brother, my parents would've said something a long time ago. I think they don't want to risk losing my sister and her claiming homophobia over them if they speak to her about it." *Have you tried talking with your sister?* "I've tried talking to her privately when this started but she would run and tell our parents that I was bugging her. Then my parents would tell me to leave her alone. It was a constant back and forth all the time." *Why do they think you are entitled?* "They say I'm entitled because I told my parents beforehand that I would be paying for the entire bill, so they didn't end up bringing any money with them. Apparently my sister paid for them after I left." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/Different-Face-6704/comments/16xm40v/update_to_my_aita_post/)**: October 1, 2023 (2 days later)** Apologies for posting this on my main page. I tried to post an update through the AITA subreddit but it wouldn't let me. Sorry this update took a few days, I'm still reeling from everything that happened. First of all I want to thank all the people who left comments and judgements. I won't say much as I'm sure you all want to know what happened. It's a lot. I'm still disgusted and don't really know how to feel about all this. Friday night I messaged my mom and dad to let them know I wouldn't be conversing with them unless Layla was given an apology. Up to this point, that still hasn't been received and I don't think it ever will. I also let them know I'd be stopping by on Saturday to pick up my things from the house. Well Saturday morning I go over to the house and bring my gf's dad (who we'll call Carl) to help me. Sitting on the porch is my sister who tells me immediately she wants to talk. Anyways we go inside and sit down which is when she says she has to tell me something without me freaking out. Basically in a much more dimmed down version my sister tells me she has had feelings for me since high school, which is when I started going to the gym and slimming out a lot more. She said the main reason she flirted with all my friends is because she wanted to 'divert' her attraction somewhere else. According to her this is also the reason she moved out so quickly, because she couldn't stand being around me and knowing she couldn't have me. I left. I didn't get any of my stuff and honestly I don't know if I'll go back to get it. I blocked my sister on everything as soon as I got back to my gf's house and my mom keeps messaging me telling me to apologise for walking out again. I don't know how to feel. I'm absolutely disgusted. I feel like throwing up all the time and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to get up and go to work tomorrow like everything's normal. I haven't told my gf or her dad yet and I don't know if I'm going to. I have no idea if my mom or dad knows but even thinking about it makes my head hurt. This is so much worse than I thought it was. Wtf I know a lot of people might start commenting about how this is fake and I don't really care. I wish it was. ***Comments:*** *Do your parents know?* "I don’t know if my parents know and I have no intentions of asking. At this point I’m just trying to calm down and think about what I’m going to do next."

AITA for leaving the restaurant after my sister flirted with my girlfriend and made her uncomfortable?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/172pmi0/aita_for_leaving_the_restaurant_after_my_sister/

172pn71

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/bleachdyeproblem **AITA For Refusing To Bleach My Hair For A Wedding?** **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Emotional manipulation!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/g0y8jzCT37)  **Sept 18, 2023** So I have a weird problem and after I told my boyfriend he told me this sub would be the perfect place to get help on. So I (25 F) am meant to be in the bridal party of my friend Zoe’s (26 F) wedding in December 2024. A couple days ago, she met with me and the rest of the bridal party to discuss what the plan was for hair, makeup, dresses, etc. At first it seemed reasonable. She’s going for a winter wonderland type of theme, so blue dresses (all in different shades, lined up as a gradient) with silvery accents, snowflake jewelry and soft makeup, even blue contacts for those of us without blue eyes. Last one’s a bit weird, but it’s no big deal to me, I’ve worn color contacts for Halloween. The bit that ended up being an issue for me is that Zoe requested we all get our hair dyed. A couple members of the bridal group are natural blondes (with dyed ends), and so is Zoe (but she wants to go platinum for the wedding), but the rest of us are two brunettes, a strawberry blonde (she wasn’t “blond enough”?), and a redhead. I’m one of the brunettes and I’m the only one in the group who has never dyed or bleached their hair. I’ve considered it, but I can never stay settled on what I want to do, and I’d hate to spend money on something that I end up hating. On top of that, my mom spent from ages 5-13 flat ironing my hair almost every single day. It really damaged my hair. I’m almost certain it’s resulted in my hair being thinner than it used to be. I know bleaching can also damage your hair, and I don’t feel comfortable taking that risk yet. I told Zoe I wouldn’t be able to dye my hair. She insisted it would be fine, as my hair seemed quite healthy and she would be paying for the bleaching treatments for all of us. I again said no, thanks so much, but I can’t. I asked if I could just wear a wig and she said no, that wigs are cheap and unnatural, and she wants us to have our real hair bleached instead of some cheap imitation for the day. After more back and forth, she told me I should go home and think about the fact that I’m ruining her vision and that I’d be ruining the photos and wedding video that she and her fiancé (30 M) will be putting together for his grandparents (84 M & 82 F) to view, since they won’t be able to fly in from Argentina. I apologized, paid for my meal, and left. I really don’t want to dye my hair, but I also don’t want to ruin Zoe’s picture perfect day. I don’t think I’m being difficult or wrong here, but am I? Edit: For a little clarification on how things stand and what’s expected, I’m a 6-7 on the hair color scale. The other brunette is a 5. Zoe wants the six of us to be at 9-10. She only wants herself to be platinum. She currently sits at a 10 on the scale. Also, I do not have dark eyes. My eyes are green. Two of the other girls do have light brown eyes though. Edit 2: So I woke up to this thread being locked and full of too many comments to read at once. Guess it’s a good thing I don’t have work today? I want to go ahead and thank everyone for their effort to help/advise/educate me through these weird last 24 hours for me. I’m going to try and meet up with Zoe in a few days and speak to her about this whole mess and see if we can find a compromise that doesn’t involve bleach. If you still have thoughts or advice, I’m going to slap a copy of this post onto my profile. I’m also going to try and filter the comments to Q&A and answer some questions. Thanks again **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** [Update](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/LbPxQw1Ppw)  **Sept 27, 2023** I met with Zoe yesterday afternoon and we talked things over. I pointed out a lot of things that were brought up in the comments and presented them as the concerns of me and a couple of friends of mine, and not the concerns of the millions that saw it online. Turns out, she was part of those millions. Someone sent her one of tiktoks that my Reddit post was read in and she has been thinking about things. She told me she felt a little embarrassed about this all being out there online, even if nobody knew who we are, and I apologized. I explained that I really didn’t have many people who weren’t involved in the wedding to speak with about this, and I needed the advice. She also apologized, and said that she realizes now that the bleaching was a completely out of line request. She said that since she’s only bleached her hair once, and because she’s naturally blonde to begin with, she didn’t know anything about the process for bleaching dark hair and didn’t know it would be so difficult, take so long, and could cause so much damage. She said looking back knowing what she knows now, she feels like she was a huge bitch. I reassured her that she wasn’t a bitch, she was just uneducated and passionate about something, and we clashed. We hugged it out, and things are good now. About the wigs, there will be none. She’s scrapping the group blonde idea. I convinced her that she would stand out far better if her whole bridal party wasn’t blonde and that dark hair (and red hair) would work amazingly with her winter theme. The contacts are also being scrapped unless any of us decide we want to use theme. They’re a very piercing blue and kind of cool looking. About the grandparents, Zoe said Frank’s family in Argentina isn’t of German descent, so nothing to wonder or argue about. She was however horrified when she put all those pieces together and thought about how it looked. She had really been thinking Elsa vibes, not Aryan Nation vibes, and that embarrassed her more than the story being out there by itself. She didn’t even know Nazis fled to South America after WWII. Zoe has officially messaged everyone in the bridal party to let them know about the change of plans and to apologize for the outburst and the stress this put on everyone. She’s also very excited for us all to come up with a new hair/makeup look and to go dress shopping. Also, those who asked if the groomsmen were being held to the same standard, I don’t know, and after finally getting this whole fiasco over with, I didn’t care to ask. Zoe and I have made up and everything’s fine now. Sorry if this update wasn’t the crazy story everyone was looking forward to! EDIT 10/1- I considered whether or not I should post this, because I feel genuinely fucking awful, but I think I need to just get it out there. Zoe’s wedding has been called off, the engagement has been broken, and there’s no telling if Zoe and Frank will even have a relationship at the end of this. To keep things short, (this is all second-hand from Zoe via text) Zoe went to Frank the next day to talk to him about everything. He had been gone until the morning after she and I met up due to a work thing. Turns out, three of his groomsmen, including the best man, have already started the bleaching process. It went well of two of them, as they were both pretty light-haired, though not quite blonde. His best man Brandon, however, has orange hair now. It’s not terrible, but it’s not great either. In addition, it’s patchy because he did it at home with a buddy while they were both drinking and now he has to go into a salon to get it fixed, plus his hair already feels fried. Frank told Zoe that since half his side has “taken the plunge” and because it “fucked up Brandon’s hair” for the moment, that the rest of the bridal party (and he apparently singled me out by name) need to “suck it the fuck up and get it done”. This resulted in a huge argument, Zoe called off the wedding, and Frank ended the engagement. Zoe’s sleeping at her parents’s place and they’ve not spoken since. I feel awful. I know I have a right to boundaries and autonomy and shit, I know this isn’t my fault, but I feel like if I’d never made such a big deal out of things and just gone through with it, this never wouldn’t happened. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **danceanidance** >Why did they bleach their hair now for an event that's over a year away? **OOP replied** >>I don’t know. It’s so fucking stupid. If I had to guess for the two lighter haired guys, maybe they wanted to go blonde and try to maintain it if they liked it? Brandon is mystery though. He does some of the dumbest shit when he’s drunk for no reason. It’s like his leading personality trait for the ~2 years I’ve known him. EVERY time I hear about him it’s because he did something stupid and alcohol was involved. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA For Refusing To Bleach My Hair For A Wedding

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Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/172pn71/aita_for_refusing_to_bleach_my_hair_for_a_wedding/

172pnqy

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/user2636269291 **My boyfriend of eight years told me he wanted to open our relationship.** **Originally posted to** r/TrueOffMyChest **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Emotional manipulation and an emotional affair at the very least!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/2fqRaRSuit)  **Sept 2, 2023** I’ve (28F) met my boyfriend (29M), many years ago through some friends, he was living in another place. On the other side of the country. We instantly took a liking to each other and became bf/gf. In the first year of our relationship, it was distant. Both agreed after I finished my schooling, I would go live with him. I had to leave behind everything. Friends and family, a perfect job offering with an amazing salary with this company I had interned in previous years, which I loved btw. I thought he is worth it. So I moved to where he lives, everything was good. We talked about our future, both agreed we get married at 30. We focus on our jobs and ourselves. We fought but could never be mad at each other for longer than a few hours. We bought a house together with a nice yard, the perfect home for our future together. Last night, while we were eating dinner. My bf told me he wanted to talk about something, I said alright and we proceeded into the conversation. He started off by saying he loved me and that I’m “perfect” to him. I thought he was going to propose to me. Instead he told me that he is polyamorous. That he had just realized that and that he wanted to open our relationship. I asked if I did anything wrong for him wanting to open the relationship, wondering if I didn’t satisfy him enough emotionally and sexually. He said no and that is just who he is. I told him that I only believed monogamy. I can’t personally see myself with anyone but him. He told me that I was being ignorant when I told him I only wanted him. I backtracked into what I was saying, so I’ve asked him if he already thought of another woman. That he wants - instead of me. He tried to deny it but he said there was a woman he met. That she also poly. That they never did anything and that I shouldn’t worry about it. I couldn’t believe it - I didn’t know what to say, so I finished dinner in silence. That night I choose to sleep in the guest room. I couldn’t bare to look at him. I started thinking of all the things and opportunities I had missed. Like my dream job, my friends, missing life achievements of my nieces/nephews, and not spending enough time with my mother before she passed away. All of the eight years I had just went away - left a sour taste in my mouth. I regret the life I had in the past eight years. Keep thinking of who would’ve been, what I would be doing. This morning, he didn’t go to work because he said “felt like shit” because I slept separately. So we talked about everything, I told him that I cannot be with someone like him. That I didn’t want to enter an open relationship. I told him I wanted to leave. He started crying and said he couldn’t change who he is, why I would say that I regret our time together. I told him because he wasted my time and our future together just disappeared. I told him it would take me time to learn to not love him anymore. I thanked him for the past eight years together. He said he takes it all back and that he’ll stop talking to her, that he doesn’t want our relationship to end. But I can’t do that to someone I love, I cannot hold someone back from becoming who they are. If he is, poly, I don’t care. But it’s just not who I am. I’ve packed all the things that I own, I’m gonna move back home, live with a friend, applied for a job I actually liked. I’m sort of embarrassed to admit to family and friends why our relationship ended because it feels like I wasn’t good enough for him. I feel like I wasted my 20s for him. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Sea-Ad9057** >I wonder if he is also OK with you seeing other people **OOP replied** >>When I asked him how he would feel if I saw other people, and bringing other men into our home we made. He said he wouldn’t mind and that we wouldn’t bring the other person into our bedroom but into the guest room. Which felt super icky. * **Safe_Dragonfly158** >Never had the monogamous vs poly talk? **OOP replied** >>The only talk we had was about us, marriage and children only. >>I never had the desire to pursue anyone in eight years. It was only him. >>I know what poly is, and understand it. But it’s not for me. [Update - my now ex-boyfriend of eight years wanted to open our relationship](https://reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/RYuTrKQ4VL)  **Oct 1, 2023** Thought I give an update of what happened. it’s been a well over a month since my ex-boyfriend wanted to open our relationship. I’ve moved away and now I have my own place. My new job is much better than my last one. Everything has been good for me. Spending a lot of time with family. When we told our mutual friends, and our families why we ended our relationship. They thought it was a shitty-situation and were on my side. For the house that I’ve recently purchased with my ex, we decided to put it up for sale and split everything evenly. I haven’t talked to him since we broke up but I’ve heard he started dating the girl he told me about. Which I knew was coming so I wasn’t really surprised. I’m not really in the mood for dating at the moment, probably give take more time for myself. In the end, I am happy. I’ve learned a lot and everything has been good. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My boyfriend of eight years told me he wanted to open our relationship.

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Direct-Caterpillar77

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172pnut

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Reasonable_Opening20 **Originally posted to** r/TwoHotTakes **My husband doesn’t think I’m qualified for something I went to school for.** Trigger Warnings: >!sexism and emotional manipulation!< --- &nbsp; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/16vbso8/my_husband_doesnt_think_im_qualified_for/?share_id=dKnjeMc96K3Rxoz-3PyFP&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) – **September 29, 2023** I worked so hard this last year (my senior year of university) and was only a few credits away from a digital forensics minor/ concentration. I was pregnant, and said I might as well. I’ve always been great with technology; so this wasn’t a surprise to my family. Back story: Husband was my fiancé until March of this year, we had our baby in May. From Aug-May he was starting his new career as an engineer and had to drive and hour to and from work every day. He ended up getting a job closer to us but this story takes place around the time he was rarely ever home with me. When I took cybercrime, the program was so new that I honestly did not know what to expect- I was actually one of the first students to ever receive the concentration. Here are some of the classes I took for an example: Top:tech/crime/ victimization Intro to digital forensics/ cybercrime Advanced Digital forensics/ cybercrime Foundations of cybersecurity Computer Information Networks Introduction to databases in Information Technology Systems thinking theory in system integrations My focus was on so many different things entailing information technology- I was in over my head!! It took me 4 semesters total but the last 2 were extremely difficult to comprehend. I did though, I was extremely pregnant, planning a wedding, working on my senior seminar AND learning cybersecurity concepts. I got a 3.75 in my concentration. We had to do a project which was a packet snatcher and traffic analysis with wire shark. We used a few other programs before this as well. The purpose of this to truly understand the contents of the event logs and the data packets, my teacher wanted us to have a good foundation in the protocols risking the (TCP/IP) suite. Other things we learned included: intrusion detection systems, forensic techniques, network traffic. I had so many issues trying to learn the back door attack (this is a way to access a computer or server while bypassing encryptions that may be in place for security. We learned about malware’s, network threats, protocols, the history behind these attacks, DoS attacks, even SQL injection attacks. We had to research the actual architecture of these so we could learn strategies to use the back door technique; granted we didn’t use real malware but a simulation of these for assignments. I can’t go over it all because there is too much material to even lay out here or try to get strangers to understand. My point to this all, I joked about applying for an ENTRY level informations technology job and my husband seems to think I don’t qualify. I’m offended. He has no clue how hard I worked to get the minor before graduation. I don’t understand either, he is an electrical engineer- not an IT specialist. I was 8 months pregnant and couldn’t even walk for graduation the least he could have done was acknowledge the hard work and effort I did for my future. AITA for thinking he was out of hand to question my capabilities??? &nbsp; **Relevant Comments from OOP:** ***Slashfyre:** This comment seems like a display of the miscommunication going on with this post. I don’t think your husband or anyone else is saying you’re not knowledgeable enough to be qualified for an it position. He likely means you’re not qualified because you don’t have a computer science major. Without a relevant major or previous work experience, you will likely have a hard time even getting to the point of interviews where you can actually share your relevant knowledge in the field. You should absolutely still apply for jobs that interest you though, worst they can do is say no.* >**OP:** I wish it was just miscommunication. Nope he made it clear he believes I don’t have the knowledge to qualify, it is what it is lol. When I try to have a nice conversation about anything technology related, he begins to “teach” me things I already know. If makes me feel worthless and uncomfortable when he talks to me like I’m a kindergartner- about things Im advanced in. God forbid I start talking about network issues with his dad or brother- he will begin talking over me and saying I’m wrong before I finish my sentence. It’s like everything I’m saying is not even worth his time because he assumes I’ll already be wrong. &nbsp; [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/16x955k/update_my_husband_doesnt_think_im_qualified_for/) - **October 1, 2023 (Two days later)** Wow the amount of responses I’ve received in regard to my original AITH post was unexpected and very humbling for me to read. It broke my heart to see how selfish my partner was being when potentially robbing me of success. Your value does not decrease just because others can’t see what you’re worth. I know he didn’t mean to, but you should never ever tell someone they can’t do something. Especially, your wife/ husband. I also realize, he doesn’t even specialize in IT so anything he says is actually irrelevant lol. I guess I just wish my husband was more supportive and not so pessimistic. That kind of attitude keeps you in a box, so limited, not able to grow! I opened a podcast today and it couldn’t have been a better topic.. she said “So many people around us, while they might mean really really well, and love us dearly pull us into our past or for their own comfort zone want us to stay the person we were or are. You need people who want the best for you, not just what they think is best for you in them.” Only I can see it in my heart and mind. Of coarse others will try to disagree, even if they have no right to criticize; because they only know me as the person I was in the past. Meaning, he won’t be able to see me thrive in this field, until I finally am actively thriving. He cannot mentally comprehend I am capable of it, because he’s stuck on the old me. It will only be until I actually succeed and demonstrate it; make technology a more realistic version of myself. I wish I could tell my husband a quote I read from a success story I recently read. “If you have a goal or dream, don't let others around you dissuade you from pursuing it. Don't buy into their narratives. Believe me when I say, you can accomplish far more than you think if you simply don't give up on your dreams and are willing to work extremely hard for them. Challenges can be overcome and shortcomings can be improved upon. And, by following your dreams, you won't find yourself looking back one day wondering what might have been.” Well. I’ve tried to have a conversation about things, my husband shuts it down. I showed him Reddit, he barely read the thread, he stands on his opinion. I AM a badass, intelligent, tech savvy individual and have been since before he was in my life. I’m not going to let him tell me what I can or cannot do. He also doesn’t know: I’m already talking to someone about a position in software development. They came to me! She has faith in my skill set and thinks I can do so much more with my background. The job is also way cooler, and she’s willing to teach me a lot that I’ll need to advance in. I’ve gone from considering an entry level job, to potentially joining a team of software devs/ engineers. WOW has my mindset changed in just a couple of days. I’m keeping my options open, but what this Reddit has thought me is: Nobody. Not your friends, not your family, not even your spouse will be a reliable support system in your success story. Only YOU are. It will hurt, and you will question your capabilities, but it’s even more a reason to prove them wrong and believe in yourself. It hurts that he can’t believe in me, even if it was jumping out of a plane; I wish he was my #1 supporter and valued my intelligence more. Even if he didn’t, I wish he was nicer about it. I feel like a part of our entire relationship has died after this weekend… because the one person I wish cheered me on during what seems to be the impossible, put me down at a vulnerable time in my life. I want someone who cheers me on SO much even if it’s ridiculous and clear that I’m gonna fail. I want someone who is okay watching me fail AND succeed. I want someone who has faith in me. Who knows I can do anything I set my mind to with determination. This job is irrelevant at this point, I just found out my number one supporter isn’t rooting for me anymore. Surround yourself with others who lift you up, not drag you down. 1. It’s not your job to live up to other people’s expectations 2. Comparison is a losing game 3. Focus on progress not perfection 4. Your worth is not tied to achievement 5. Your thoughts are not facts 6. People make their own choices 7. You deserve unconditional love Thank you strangers for having faith in me finding my purpose. Cheering someone on, can impact them so heavily for the greater, and you guys did that for me. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP**

My husband doesn’t think I’m qualified for something I went to school for.

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/172pnut/my_husband_doesnt_think_im_qualified_for/

172po9c

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/SupermarketLumpy8280 **My husband shares naked videos of me to his family and friends** **Originally posted to** r/TrueOffMyChest **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Predatory behavior!< **MOOD SPOILER:** >!all ends well!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/MbAif95Uy1) **Sept 15, 2023** I’m at a loss for words. I found out that my husband sends videos of him and I having sex to his family and friends. His brother let me know yesterday and then tried to make sexual advances towards me. I know it’s true because he was describing what happens in the videos. I promised his brother I would not tell anyone about this because I’m not supposed to know but I am f*cking furious, as you can imagine. I don’t know what to do. I feel trapped in this situation. Some guys are such dogs. What would you do in my situation? Edit: I’ve been thinking a lot and reading some of the comments. I’m overwhelmed. I realize how f*cked up this situation and family is. I’ve been married to this man for 15 years and I never ever thought he would do something like this to me. It feels like I’ve been sleeping next to a stranger for all these years. I’m so shocked. I am not surprised by my BIL making advances at me because he is a huge POS that cheats on his wife all the time. I already knew that about him so that doesn’t shock me at all. I know it seems crazy that I haven’t told anyone because I am so embarrassed but this just happened and it’s very hard for me to process. It makes me sick to my stomach thinking about everyone knowing about this but I know it all has to come to light. I want to get all of the evidence together and look through his phone. I need to make sure my BIL isn’t lying about all of this to take advantage of me. I don’t want to explode yet, I’m an emotional mess and I’m trying to act rationally before all the evidence is deleted. I don’t know who I can trust. It’s hard for me to act normal and my husband knows something is off but I am keeping this to myself right now until I figure out the best course of action. Trust me I want to scream at the top of my lungs and expose my BIL and my husband. I am so disgusted by them. Also wanted to add, thank you to everyone for the good advice. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **curious382** >That is such a profound violation of your privacy, and as BIL has shown, your safety! >OP, please take time and space to process these overwhelming traumatic thoughts and feelings. Just give yourself time to absorb this information and the maelstrom of emotions to unravel and clarify a bit. >Then, do what's best for you. You deserve to have your boundaries respected to protect your safety, privacy and comfort within yourself, within your marriage, within your extended family. THIS IS NOT "THE WAY GUYS ARE." This is the way these particular people are. Your husband's circulating intimate videos is as disgusting, demeaning, dehumanizing, devious, cold, cruel and hurtful as you feel it is. You couldn't possibly overreact to a betrayal of this cruelty. >You are not safe with these people. Don't give a second thought to your BIL's wanting secrecy "to protect the family." He's another sexual predator coercing his target to help him operate in secret, using fear and shame. Every person who shared your intimate videos without strenuously objecting and immediately acting to inform and protect you is complicit. >There's a thin chance that BIL knows of these videos because of invading your husband's privacy, and is manipulating you to be vulnerable to his coersion through the shame, pain and rage you feel towards your husband. He MAY be the only bad actor. One thing you DO know is BIL is a sexual predator. He's the last person you should consider a confidante. >I am so sorry this has happened to you. It is not your fault to any degree. There is no shame in consensual marital relations kept private within the marriage. You have been done wrong by those you should be able to trust and rely upon. **OOP replied** >>Thank you for this message. It brought tears to my eyes. I feel like you really understand how traumatic this is for me. I have a suspicion that BIL could be lying and maybe got the videos some other way (even if it was from a mutual friend) and is now trying to take advantage of me. I feel bad for his wife as well. Getting evidence is my first priority. [Update](https://reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/6s6i7nb4OI) **Oct 1, 2023** I’m still getting questions about what happened so I wanted to post a quick update. I’m not sure how to link the original post but it is still in my profile. A lot of the commenters were right. BIL was lying. I do feel bad and I should of trusted my husband because it genuinely felt like something my husband would never do to me. I checked my husband’s phone in the middle of the night and there was no trace of him sending anything to anyone. BIL started texting me inappropriate things even though I continued to turn him down. I asked about the video and took screenshots of the conversation so that I could confront my husband. Husband swore up and down he did no such thing and called BIL right away. BIL tried denying everything (true POS) and told my husband I was lying. My husband then told him he had screenshots of my conversation with BIL. BIL admitted to sending them to himself with my husband’s phone. I asked if he sent it to anyone else and he says he hasn’t. I don’t know if I should believe him. He tried telling my husband that a lot of guys are like this and tried to play it down like it wasn’t a big deal. My husband and I are discussing pressing charges. He cut his brother off completely. I had an awkward talk with MIL and she was in disbelief. She said that he would no long be allowed at family events and that she can never look at him the same again. She also told me she would handle talking to BIL’s wife. I am still so disgusted that this happened and that BIL was trying to take advantage of me. I don’t understand why someone would ruin their relationship with their family over sex. I guess he really was hoping I wasn’t going to tell anyone about this. Thanks to everyone that gave me good advice in my original post. BIL’s life is going to be ruined because of this and he truly deserves it. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Apprehensive-Care20z** >Sorry you are going through that, what a violation. I second the motion to file a police report against the BIL. >I'm not clear on one thing: you checked your husband's phone, and there was no evidence of anything being sent. But the BIL said he sent the videos to himself from the husband's phone. So what's up with that? Is there evidence of that? **OOP replied** >>BIL deleted the messages where he sent the video to himself. I’m guessing he did that to cover his ass or so that my husband wouldn’t see that they were sent to BIL in the first place. * **Dianabma** >Hi,OP! But how did the BiL knew about the videos?And how come that he had so much acces to your husband’s phone? **OOP replied** >>I don’t think BIL knew about the videos. I think he is just a huge creep that was hoping pictures or videos existed or maybe he was even looking for something else and stumbled upon the videos. My husband has severe sleep apnea. It’s been diagnosed but he’s never wanted to get a CPAP machine to help him. As a result of his sleep apnea he falls asleep while we watch movies and basketball games all the time. I wouldn’t be surprised if BIL snooped in my husband’s phone when he fell asleep during a game or something. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My husband shares naked videos of me to his family and friends

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Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/172po9c/my_husband_shares_naked_videos_of_me_to_his/

1731yrm

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Double_Requirement18 **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole **Thank you to u/Similar-Shame7517 and u/czechtheboxes for bringing this to Looking for a Post thread** **AITA for not letting my nephew use my car for prom, but said I might let his sister use it?** Trigger Warnings: >!Property Damage!< Mood Spoilers: >!spoiled kid learns a lesson!< --- &nbsp; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13bqorr/aita_for_not_letting_my_nephew_use_my_car_for/) - **May 8, 2023** I (32m) have a nephew Josh (18m) and a niece Sarah (16F), and this argument came up when visiting my sister. My car is a very modified classic car, A 72 challenger with a modern motor swap, 6 speed manual, and more mods putting out over 1000 hp. It is not a beginner driver friendly car. Josh didn’t get his license until 3 months ago, and I am pretty sure he fubbed numbers to take the test for the 3rd time. I have seen him drive once, and even offered to ride with him before to help pump his hours up and to continue to drive so he can feel more comfortable. Sarah goes to car shows with me and has a modified Miata that she drives everywhere. She got her license 2 weeks after turning 16 and has had it for 8 months now. She drove with me every day after getting her permit, and just has that drive to drive. Before anyone says I have my favorite, Josh and I game EVERY night, and I built him a custom PC for getting honor role. He is AMAZING at tech, loves gaming, and if he decides to continue, I will be paying for his college and will offer him a job at my business which offers specialized tech services. I have told both of them the dollar amounts I have saved up that will be for them for the future. If they want to use it for school, training, down payment on a house, travel, it will be theirs as long as they can tell me they have a plan. I bought both of them their first cars after they got their licenses and try to keep everything as close to fair as I can with them. I was over for dinner and Josh said he can’t wait for prom and was asking if he could use my car to drive his date. I told him I was not comfortable with him driving my car, and that I would gladly drive him and his date, and even wear a suit and funny hat to be his driver. He threw a fit and said that I would let Sarah take the car if she asked. I said if she kept driving and showing the control she has, I would consider it. I told him I feel he has not been driving long enough to be able to control this car, and that I would be worried for his and his dates safety. I also told him I would trust him with my PC before I’d even let Sarah play the sims on it and it’s just how they are different people with different interests. My sister said I should have just said no, but I have always told them I will never lie to them and explain myself why because they are almost adults and deserve to hear the truth. (I won’t be rude to them however). He has since not played games with me, and not responded to my texts. His father says I am TAH, My sister said I should have just said no but now should just let him use the car, Sarah says she would be scared to drive the car, our parents said I should have just said no. AITA? **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** &nbsp; **Relevant Comments from OOP:** ***mikej2461:** Dudes 32, pkays video games with his nephew everyy night, puts money away for the nieceand nephew. I think its time ge grows up and finds outside interests and let the parents rent their son a super car. Seems like a really wierd situation.* >**OP:** I run my own tech company, my wife died to cancer 4 years ago. I decided to live my life the way I want, and that includes spending time with my family. > >I do not drink, I do not smoke. My house has been paid off for a few years. My bills are my business (keeping the lights on, and my employees paid/happy) and insurance. > >I'm not going to be a slave and if I can keep them from having to slave away I will. ***Commentator asks what car Josh has*** >**OP:** The car that we (he, his parents, and I) picked out is a more practical Subaru. Nothing fancy but a reliable car that will get him and his date to prom without issue. > >There was a... situation over Mothers Day weekend. He is lucky I don't take his car back as payment. (Yes. My name is on both of their cars.) > >I may post an update after everything is fixed. &nbsp; **Editor’s Note: OOP has posted the update twice, one below the original post and on his own page** &nbsp; [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Double_Requirement18/comments/14yl945/josh_update/) - **July 13, 2023** My parents returned from “snow birding” and so “we” decided that they would use my house to host Mothers Day. I won’t go into detail, but after being told this, I made a nice dinner for my family and had everyone over. I tried to talk with Josh but he was still obviously upset that I did not change my mind to let him use the car. At one point while hosting outside, I hear a “Thunk” and Josh’s dad gets a smirk on his face. Sarah goes pale and just mutters a “he didn’t.” The family goes to see what the source of the noise was and finds Josh putting a bat away and a very obvious dent in my fender. A wave of calm comes over me and I know exactly what to do. “Get in” I tell him. Firmly. After a minute of this he hops in the passenger seat and I take off. For legal reasons I will not explain exactly how I drove my car, but the happened in Mexico crew would be proud. After we get back to my house, he is pale, and I need a new set of tires. My sister yells at me that I could have killed him, his father is quietly drinking my beer, and my dad is trying to help Josh walk, with the adrenaline pumping through him. Sarah mutters a “Told you so” as I tell my sister that she and her husband have to pay to fix my fender or else I will get the authorities involved. My mother is crying upset, and the day was ruined as people packed up and left and more words were said yelled. Currently the car I bought for Josh is sitting in my driveway. I have already fixed my fender and sent a bill to my sister who told me to shove it and that “Family doesn’t treat family this way.” I have called my buddy who is the local Sheriff, and can have charges pressed, I do have video footage of him willfully damaging my property, HOWEVER. Josh apologized for everything. The drive was the wakeup call he needed and said he would get a job to pay for fixing my car even though his mother has told him it’s my problem to deal with. He said he was being a stupid kid and needed to grow up. I told him on top of fixing the car, he now gets to take Sarah’s place of cleaning my work building and garage. His car is now just my car again, and he needs to figure out all the rides he needs to keep everyone happy. He told me to come get the PC I built him, But I told him to hold onto it for now. The bill. A little over $2000. Luckily I had the car painted last year, and still had some mixed paint without the hardener in it. Worked the dent out, replaced the fender brace, replaced the inner fender, replaced that portion of the stiffening kit, and had the fender repainted and feathered into the surrounding body panels. Vintage cars are not cheap to work on. There has also been an incident involving Sarah, (100% not her fault) and so she is staying with me until things can get figured out. That will be posted elsewhere. &nbsp; **Relevant Comment from OOP:** ***ConditionBig6373:*** *Wow!* *That update was wild!* *I hope your sheriff friend is able to get them to see sense.* *Has Josh said anything to his parents about you being right NOT to let him drive?* >**OP:** He did. >My sister is upset with me for the reasons involving Sarah. It's almost funny that the people who claim "you don't do this to family" are the first to throw family out when something doesn't "fit." &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP**

AITA for not letting my nephew use my car for prom, but said I might let his sister use it?

CONCLUDED

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1731yrm/aita_for_not_letting_my_nephew_use_my_car_for/

1737ey2

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/liedabtfertilityta **in** r/AmItheAsshole User has since deleted their account trigger warnings: >!transphobia, infertility issues, depression, miscarriages!< mood spoilers: >!positive all round!<  Comments have been added from the original BoRU found [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/lx4h8h/update_aita_for_lying_about_my_wife_having/). &#x200B; [**AITA for lying about my wife having fertility issues?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jvwnht/aita_for_lying_about_my_wife_having_fertility/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) **- 17th November 2020** My wife is trans and we met for the first time after she fully medically and surgically transitioned. Nobody besides her family (and my sister, who found out on her own) really knows this, and she wants to keep it that way. Anyway, we both wanted to have kids young so we adopted our little girl before the pandemic started. Because of everything that's been going on, my parents didn't really get to meet her until last week, and my sister and her husband were also there. My parents are very conservative, and they've been a bit disappointed about the fact that we adopted--nothing really explicit, but just subtle things. After they met our daughter, though, they melted a little (because how could you not?) but they still wanted to know why we adopted. I felt a bit clever saying "fertility issues," because we do have fertility issues, just not the kind my parents probably thought. My sister didn't say anything at the time, but she let loose on me later. I forgot that she has fertility issues, and she started yelling at me saying that she's been spending ten of thousands of dollars on in-vitro, how depressed it's made her, how her marriage is on the rocks, and how she's traumatized from her miscarriages (I didn't know she had any). She told me that she trusted me with that and that I'm immature. I told her that we technically do have fertility issues, and she said it's different because we "chose" to have ours and we knew what we were getting into. She said that it wasn't our issue to appropriate. All the women I dated before my wife were cis but I didn't fall in love with any of them. I don't think I "chose" to fall in love with her, so that made me pretty upset. I wouldn't have felt like I was in the wrong until my sister told me that I could have just said that I felt like it would be better for the world to adopt. I still think it would have been met with a lot of suspicion and criticism from my parents, but that would have been the easiest way to avoid anybody getting hurt, and now I've built this unnecessary rift between my sister and I. My wife says that we do have fertility issues and she feels bad for my sister because of everything she's going through, but ultimately we have nothing to apologize for because we told the truth. I don't know what to think about all this. AITA? &#x200B; **Comments** *NTA. Wouldn't "I felt like it would be better for the world to adopt" also be judging your sister who went through IVF and miscarriages in the hope of having a biological child? You couldn't win here.* *That said, if you love your sister, find a way to reconcile. She has been through a lot, and she lashed out in a way that was emotional and not rational. Don't waste precious time waiting for her to make the first move, even if she should.* >I love my sister very much (I was the annoying little brother growing up, if you can tell.) Right now, she says she doesn't want to speak to me, but I'm definitely going to be checking up on her a bit better from now on. So many people have been talking about how in-vitro affects your hormones and I definitely understand how she's traumatized from her miscarriages, so I'm really not upset with her and I just hope we can repair things as soon as possible. &#x200B; >I'm a little bit afraid of her saying anything about my wife to our parents, though. She was judgmental when she found out about her being trans at first, but she grew into accepting it, and I just hope she doesn't take any steps backwards as far as that goes. I would find it hard to forgive anyone who targets my wife like that. &#x200B; *NAH but how does the wife feel about this? I'm hoping and assuming you guys discussed how to approach this matter with other people before?* *In regards to your sister... I mean, i understand your sister is having some fertility issues, but this shouldnt diminish how your wife feels in being unable to birth a child for you guys as well.* >I didn't really phrase it right, but my wife and I did discuss my telling my parents that we had fertility issues beforehand, since we knew the discussion would come up. Thank you for responding. &#x200B; *And who says OP's wife ISN'T devastated that she can't bear a child herself? Just because she knew it was impossible from the start doesn't make it any less disappointing.* >It's been devastating for my wife too. Not only is it a major source of dysphoria for her, but it was difficult for her to come to terms at first that she could never have biological kids. > >Our daughter is the most important girl in the world, and we'd never trade her for any biological kid, but it's still something that very much affects my wife. Thank you for responding.   **Judgement - NTA** &#x200B; [**Update- AITA for lying about my wife having fertility issues?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/lwxfsj/aita_for_lying_about_my_wife_having_fertility/) **- 3rd March 2021** So, it's been about three months since the incident in the post. Our daughter is still the most precious girl in the world, and my wife was very complimented by a few of the commenters! Even though, at the end of the day, I don't think it was wrong to refer to it as "fertility issues," I apologized to my sister once she cooled down anyway. She's been going through a lot. Sometimes things aren't about being right so much as they're about family...thanks to everyone who told us we had nothing to apologize about, though! My sister forgave us, and we hugged it out (she even apologized about telling her she was appropriating issues, which honestly offended me the most), but that wasn't the end of it. My wife couldn't get rid of this nagging feeling that maybe something could go wrong again and my sister or her husband would tell my parents, so she told me she wanted to come out to them. It was a hard decision for us, because I love them and I was terrified they would disown me and spread gossip about her, but...what can I say? My wife owns me lol. It's her over everyone else for me. She kept getting scared every time we agreed we were going to say something, and it ended up coming out when my mom was telling my wife how much I cried when I broke my arm...she said the most she ever cried was getting a soccerball launched into her balls. I love my wife. She had to explain it a bit to them, and they're still a little uncomfortable...but nothing has really changed? At first, they were horrified, but...they always really liked her and I guess they couldn't just erase that, especially after she explained her situation to them. If anything, I'd say she's made them a bit more open-minded. And I actually got my sister and her husband looking into adoption...everybody wants a daughter like ours! Anyway, thanks for the advice, everyone! I hope this update makes everybody's day a little brighter. &#x200B; **Comments** &#x200B; *I'm imagining her on the soccer field vowing, "never again".* >I lost my shit laughing at this and then I showed my wife, who also lost her shit laughing at this. Thanks for making her day! &#x200B; *I remember your last post. Very brave of your wife and congrats on it working out.* >I don't know how she does it! Thanks. > >Whether I was the asshole or not, I sort of realized working it out was the most important thing. In some situations, nobody's the asshole, just a lot of people in unique circumstances who are really struggling and sometimes make the mistake of taking it out on each other. Once I extended my hand by giving an apology, stuck out hers. &#x200B; >There's a lot of focus in general on "who's right?" when, in some situations, it's just better to apologize and move on. It's what family does! And I said it in another comment, but sometimes you've got to recognize that even if somebody acted out, you have to look at their situation: my sister was struggling, and she took it out on us, but by extending her some grace and apologizing, I think we all left the situation with greater respect for each other and understanding. &#x200B; *oh gosh I'm so happy to see a positive update!!! i remember seeing the original. especially thrilled to hear that your parents accepted your wife's transness. it's always so scary coming out to historically conservative/bigoted people, especially parents. sending so much love to your family, both immediate and extended!!!! have a great Spring!!!!* >Thanks! We really had no idea what to expect when it came to my parents. I was surprised by their reaction, but I think people in general have a great way of adapting. My parents always liked my wife, and you can't just turn off liking someone. Nothing about her changed at all, and I think they realized that. &#x200B; >When we first started going out, as someone who grew up in a conservative family, I really had no idea what to think when she told me she was trans. At first I asked her "you want to be a guy?" because I was just so confused. Once she told me what it actually meant in her situation, I thought it was going to be this big thing I couldn't get past. I spent the whole day thinking about it, how our relationship was going to be completely different, and then, on our next date...nothing changed lol. &#x200B; >She was still her and it really didn't make a difference for me or our relationship. If anything, it's made our relationship better because her experiences have shaped her and I wouldn't want a version of her that acted any differently...and I'd never thought of adopting until that was one of my only options. A world where we never adopted our amazing daughter isn't one I would want to live in. &#x200B; >Sorry for the tangent and thanks for the well wishes! Have a great Spring, and sending love to you as well. **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITA for lying about my wife having fertility issues?

REPOST

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1737ey2/aita_for_lying_about_my_wife_having_fertility/

1737fme

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Beetz_Don **Originally posted to** r/offmychest **Realized that my best friend has a very inappropriate relationship with his mother.** Trigger warning:>! rape, grooming, incest, infidelity, divorce!< Mood spoiler: >!bleak, a bit of hope for OOP's friend!< &#x200B; [**Original post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/sh6nv7/realized_that_my_best_friend_has_a_very/) **(January 31, 2022)** My best friend who i grew up with used to get teased a lot about being a “mommas” boy. Honestly now that I look back on it he’s always had a very weird relationship with his mother. As we got older and started getting into girls more he would say weird stuff and normally I’d laugh it off and call him a weirdo or when we got older I’d tell him he needs to get out the house more. When we were checking out chicks he’d say stuff like “my mom has a way better body than she could ever have” or “my moms boobs is way bigger” and stuff like that. As far as I can tell it’s always been him and his mom. Growing up I had never seen him get a girlfriend, I mean he talked to girls and stuff, but I never physically saw him have a relationship with any girl until the one he got married to. Fast forward to this last weekend that just passed and his wife who I’m really cool with says to me “I hate it when he goes on his family trips cause whenever he comes back home to me he’s always cold and acts like a jerk to me”. So then we started talking about his family trips. I remember when he started taking family trips when he got married. I always thought that because he was old enough and mature now that he’d go and spend time with his father or something, I don’t really know, but when his wife said it was just him and his mom and they do this family trip every month or so…. We started talking. Things got even weirder to the point his was said “okay enough crazy for one night”. He takes “family trips” over the weekend with just him and his mom every other month? Started to become more frequent the longer his marriage went on…. I spoke to him today and just joked around about stuff pertaining his situation and he got kinda agitated towards me. He said “what you think I’m banging my mom?” “What kind of freak does that?” and I just rolled with it. Kinda laughed it off and said I was just fucking with him, but his reaction was not genuine at all. There is a lot more to add, but I really don’t want to fully go into every detail. If his wife is cool with it, should I be too? He’s like a brother to me, so should I just let this go and forget about it? I don’t want to ruin our relationship or sour it or even possibly uncover something that makes him do something extremely irrational? If it has been going on this long I want to try and help him. TL;DR I think my best friend has been sleeping with his mom for years and his wife added to the suspicion, but she turns a blind eye to it, what should I do? Edit: Thank you to everyone for your responses and especially thank you to people who took the time to write out thorough, mature, positive and helpful advice. I really do appreciate it a lot. After walking around and giving it thought for a few hours I called his wife and I asked her to talk about something serious that effects us both. I’ve taken the time to write down a few of your advice and suggestions and make points about certain things. I’m hoping she’ll be willing to talk about some of this stuff with me and open up so we can get down to the bottom and talk it out with her and see if she’s willing to go forward with any of this or if we should choose to leave it alone. **Relevant comments from OP giving more information** ***On the wife:*** "His wife just did a huge sigh and brought up his family trips out of the blue. We started talking more and things got a little weird… she started telling me things about his mother picking him from work early or picking him from work even though that was his wife’s job and him not saying anything. Also she said sometimes when they get into arguments his mom comes and picks him up and he goes over to her house so he cool off and stuff but he always puts his phone on airplane mode because he needs the space and she respect his space and a bunch of other things. When she brought up the fact that he only goes to the family trips with him and his mom and we talked about that more, that’s when things got super weird and she didn’t want to talk about it anymore. She absolutely refused to continue anything having to do with the conversation anymore. So I haven’t brought it back up with her" "His mom doesn’t act in a strange way at all. She’s acts normal. She does hate his wife, says she’s lazy, she doesn’t have any ambition to do anything other than sit on her ass all day." ***On his friend's family:*** "(...) I know his father was never in his life and he doesn’t like talking about his father. I honestly thought deep down that he was going and seeing his dad to build a relationship now that’s he older, mature and married. Some people do that, but now I’m so sure about that." "(...)No matter what happens in this world his mom is never wrong. One time when he was in college there was this girl named Tiffany and she was super quiet and never really talked to anyone. She always dressed super nice with skirts and dresses. Anyways, because she wore skirts and dresses all the time his mom called her a whore and a slut, even though he wasn’t sleeping around or ever being slutty, she kept to herself mostly. I told him multiple times to take his chance and take a shot and he never did one single time. Every time it was like “is my mother says she’s a slut then she’s a goddamn slut and I’m not taking any chances of catching anything” and stuff like that. It was so weird. Reminded me of that Adam Sandler movie with his mama calling Vicki Vallencourt was the “devil”." &#x200B; [**Update 1**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/so5arf/update_to_my_best_friend_and_his_inappropriate/) **(February 9, 2022)** Hello to everyone again. So many people had asked me for an update and PM’d me asking to be updated about the situation, so here it is: Over this past week me, my wife and my friends wife sat at their house and had a long discussion on how to approach this very delicate situation. We decided that’s it best to just simply come out and say something. Talk about what is going on and what we are feeling. His wife definitely wanted to talk about everything, but she didn’t want to do it alone so she asked if we could sit in with them and let her get down to what’s really going on. Fast forward to Saturday and we come over to have this… I don’t even know what to call it… “Big Talk?”. I’m sitting with my wife on one couch and him and his wife is sitting on the other couch watching tv and talking. His wife grabs the remote, turns the tv off and says we need to have a talk, all of us. For some reason she chose to completely ignore everything we went over, how we were going to try and break the ice and lightly touch on the situation and try and be welcoming, warm and understanding. How we setup little spaces so we could backtrack and everything, Nope! She just went straight in for the throat with “what’s going on with you and your mother?” and “you need to be honest with me!”. Everything we planned went right out the window within the very first few seconds. It was like she was attacking him, backing him into a corner instead of trying to be there for him. I was angry, I won’t lie, but it’s his wife so I couldn’t say anything. She bombarded him with all these questions and accusations and when she finally let up I was able to quickly get in and try and bring the volume of the room down a bit. I brought up stuff from our past when we were kids and in school and some of the things he’s said that seemed off and his behavior that was awkward. I laughed a little and threw in a few jokes and thank goodness my wife was there to laugh and try to help make light of some of what was going on, but his face… He had this look of disgust and defeat. He never commented back on anything, not a single peep, just sat there quietly and what seemed like he was festering in his own misery. As soon as I was done his wife immediately went back to full on attack mode with “you just gonna sit there while we ask you these questions?” and “your quietness speaks volumes!” After about 30 minutes of us asking him questions and stuff he stood up and balled his fists and finally responded. He was angry that we would suggest these things and asked us if we were all sick people and tried to turn the tables on us. That’s when his wife stood up and started crying and accusing him of lying because whenever he lies he touches his face a lot and looks at the floor, which is totally true. She started crying more and screaming asking him very personal questions about their marriage. To that day I was always kinda jealous of their marriage. They always seemed happier than us, never really argued, very passionate towards each other and they never ever really complained ever, but when she started talking…. Wow was I wrong… she said stuff like “is that why we never have sex because your out there fucking your mother?!?” and “you are fucking sick in the head, you need help, you therapy and a psychiatrist!”. She brought up all these things about them never having sex, never spending time together, he never gives her compliments, treats her like shit, ignores her when she’s talking to him, holds grudges against her for months at a time and the list goes on and on, then she stopped and started dry heaving and put her hand over her mouth and saying she’s gonna throw up. My wife got up and held her she continued to dry heave and call him a sicko. Then he just said “fuck all of you” and stormed out of the house and started walking down the street in the neighborhood. I ran up and caught up to him and asked him to come back and calm down and he ignored me entirely. He called his mom and she came and picked him up a few blocks down the road where he was just standing while I tried talking to him. When he got in the car he slammed the door, rolled down the window and said “never ever talk to me again I’m deleting you out of my life for good!” Then rolled the window up and that was the last I spoke with him. I went back to his house and tried to console his wife with the help of my wife. She told me all the issues they were having and how deep down she knew what was going on, but he was happy and she didn’t know how to handle it. On Monday I went over to his mother house and she refused to open the door and even threatened to call the police on me if I didn’t leave. His wife hasn’t seen or spoken to him since that Saturday, but we all know exactly where he is. I’m going to give everything some time to cool down a bit and call over there on Friday and hopefully talk to him or his mother. His wife went to file for divorce. She asked me not to come over anymore. My best friend has blocked me on everything. I don’t know what outcome I thought would happen, but I didn’t want this. I’m angry and I blame his wife. Honestly this could have went so much differently, so much more pleasant, but no… she snapped and just went into full on attack mode. Maybe she’s been living with this for years and it all finally violently erupted. Maybe this was her out and she didn’t care about saving her marriage or ruining our friendship. I’m angry that we planned all this shit, planned everything and then boom, there goes the dynamite. Whatever the case is, that weekend I lost my best friend and that hurts so much. I don’t even know what he’s going through right now. Was he being honest? Was he telling the truth? Was he lying to us? So many questions and so much heartache right now. Anyways, I went and purchased Scum over the weekend to help get my mind off of things. Sit there and lose a few hours in a different reality seems good right about now. A lot of you wanted an update, no happy ending, no questions answered, friendship ruined, marriage ruined. So yeah, there’s that I guess. TL:DR Me and my best friends wife accused my best friend of having sex with his own mother and he got angry and stormed off where his mother picked him up. Best friendship ruined, marriage ruined and still no answers to anything sadly. &#x200B; [**Update 2**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/13je51t/update_2_my_best_friend_and_his_inappropriate/) **posted a year later (May 16, 2023)** After not talking to my best friend for over a year and thinking that I lost him forever, I received a very interesting call two weeks ago. It was him and he wanted to talk. He asked to meet at our normal hangout spot and I said: “yeah” and he said the date and time and before I could continue to say anything else… he hung up on me, I didn’t know what to think honestly. I was happy, but I also was extremely worried. When we met up and he looked like shit. His face was pale, bags under his eyes and he looked miserable. I ran over to him and gave him a big ass hug. I started crying and said how sorry I was for accusing him of that type of stuff and how he’s my brother no matter what and all this other stuff, mostly just spilling my guts and blabbering away to him. He hugged me back and we both cried and apologized. Two grown ass men crying like babies. After the initial water works we sat down and he told me how his wife had divorced him and how she spread all these lies about him and stuff on her Facebook. How he had gotten fired from his job because of those lies and all of this other stuff that all came from that messed up half ass attempt at an intervention. I just sat there feeling like complete trash knowing that I caused all of this. Just as I was about to apologize he cut me off and said: “wait… there is something I need to tell you man”. “Remember when I was younger and my parents got that divorce and I told you that mom got really crazy afterwards?” Yeah I remember. The divorce was bad and ugly, his dad cheated on his mom with some super young chick at a fast food place. He told me that after the divorce she started drinking a lot, sometimes she wouldn’t even be able to take him to school or go to work the next day because she’d be so sick. The drinking got worse and one day when he was 15 and sleeping in his bed, his mom came home super late and came into his room completely hammered and sexually abused him and then had the audacity to snuggle up in bed with him and pass out. After that night, she’d drink, get drunk and then sexually abuse him and when she was sober she’d act like nothing happened. She even started telling him that he was the man of the house and that he had certain responsibilities now that he’s the man of the house. This abuse continued all the way up until January the 1st of this year. He finally had enough and put a stop it. He said he hasn’t seen or talked to his mom since March of this year. I just started crying man, like seriously crying. Here I was thinking I was his best friend and I didn’t even know what was going on all these years. I kinda expected something, but I wasn’t 100% sure and I didn’t have any type of proof at all. He even said how he thought about killing himself up until he met his wife and she took him out of that house, but his mother would still call him over or plan getaways just to get him away from her. His mother hated his wife with a passion. I never knew he was suffering alone all of these years, how could I even begin to call him my best friend or my brother and I was never ever there one time for him out of all these years he was going through stuff. He asked me to not say anything to my partner and if I could keep this between me and him, of course I agreed without hesitation. We spoke about him getting help and he made me promise not to say anything about this to anyone. He said he doesn’t want his mom to get into any trouble and he doesn’t want her to suffer because she’s already suffered enough by his dad. I cannot for the life of me believe that all these years she’s abused him and he’s still willing to sit here and protect her. Even made me promise not to do anything. Honestly??? I want to burn her house down with her in it and I’m sorry if that sounds cruel but that’s what she deserves. I am so incredibly angry and sad and everything in between… I know I said I wouldn’t do anything…. But I cannot sit around and let her get away with this. All these years and she’s just going to live her life carelessly while he now has to spend the rest of his life seeking help and getting his life in order?!? FUCK THAT!!!! Oh man… I don’t know what to do, what I should do? I love him, he’s my brother so I will be there for him and help him get the help he needs but damnit… she… grrr! I am going to keep his secret safe with me. He’s back in my life and I’m given another chance. I won’t mess this up again by jumping the gun. I’m just so damn angry. My heart is hurting and I feel so terrible. I really want that woman to pay… but at the risk of losing my friendship??? TL;DR: My best friend of over 25 years has been getting sexually abused since he was 15 by his own mother and I never knew, he’s made me promise to not say anything to anybody or do anything that would get his sexual abuser in trouble and now I’m lost, angry and feel like shit… I don’t know what to do next honestly? &#x200B; [**Update 3**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/13je51t/comment/jlzfuio/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **in comments of last post (May 28, 2023)** It’s been almost two weeks. He seems like he wants to get help, but he doesn’t ever make the effort to do so. Maybe he’s afraid or ashamed? I did call the rape crisis line and I spoke to a few people, everyone said pretty much the same thing. I cannot force him to get help, he has to both need and want to be helped. He has to put the effort in doing so. I also went to the police station and asked a few questions, but nothing can happen any further until he chooses to come forward with anything, but I’m not going to push him to do anything as of right now, I mostly just wanted some information and answers about a few things. My question is, does anyone know of anything I can do to help give him the support to motivate him to take the first step in getting help or am I rushing things? I moved him in with us for a while, until he gets back on his feet. The McThrift hotel he was staying at was disgusting, but he’s good with us now. We’ve talked and also played a few co-op games together, but whenever the talk comes up about what to do next… he switches it to finding a job and getting himself together. He has mentioned a few times needed therapy and getting help, but never acts on it. Would it be okay for him to just up and get a job and move on or should he try and get some help before that? &#x200B; [**Last mention**](https://www.reddit.com/r/GamingLaptops/comments/145msr0/my_best_friend_lost_everything_trying_to_buy_him/) **(June 2023)** of friend on OOP's page is him asking in r/GamingLaptops, whether a specific gaming laptop is the right one to buy for a friend who lost everything. &#x200B; **Marking as ongoing and hoping OOP's friend is doing okay** **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Realized that my best friend has a very inappropriate relationship with his mother.

ONGOING

margiebabie

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1737fme/realized_that_my_best_friend_has_a_very/

17393o0

I am not OP. That is u/OppositeLeopard on r/relationship_advice. I have searched a lot but I believe this has never been posted on here. Cleaned up some formatting and spelling mistakes. This is my first post, so please be gentle :) TW: >!Racism, parental alienation, attempted kidnapping!< Mood spoiler: >!positive outcome for OP!< [**First post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ctawvv/if30_divorced_my_ex_husband_m36_because_of_my/)**: 21 Aug, 2019** I will be rambling a little as I am very mad right now. Sorry for my bad English. It is not my first language. My ex and I were married for well over 5 years and together for 10. His mother was a nightmare. She would spent her time belittling me and tried humiliating me. I could take it as I loved my husband and didn't want to make him choose between her or me. Of course I would always tell him what she would be doing and he would always brush it off as her being "a loving and over protecting mom". When she would say something racist (I am Hispanic and they are white) he would laugh it off, when she would make a comment of me being a gold digger (even though I earned more than my ex) he would just say "Oh mom". He would also get mad at me if I ever stood up for myself. But the straw that broke the camel's back is when we had our daughter. My MIL would always try to parent her and say that I would do something wrong. My daughter has an irritable colon and she cannot ingest any kind of fucking oils or artificial things. And guess what that looney of a woman did?? She fed my 3 year old daughter essential oils (she is not anti vaxx, just very stupid) to make her go to sleep. She was in the ICU. I had it and I confronted my husband who said "She only did what she thought was best". I lost it. I went to my parents and drafted a divorce agreement. (That's the best course of action. I saw a post earlier describing a situation that is much more dangerous than mine involving allergens and an epi pen). His face was like that Pikachu meme when I served him. He didn't know why I was doing that because we were "happy". So now a year has passed and my life was hell. My Monster in law tried every dirty trick in the book to take my daughter. To name a few: * She accused my brother of molesting her * She accused me of neglect * She accused me of taking drugs and leaving them in reach of a toddler (I take thyroxin for heaven’s sake!) * She accused me of endangering my daughter by leaving a random man in my house The list goes on. During this time the excuse of my ex was that I broke his heart and I had to understand his mother. She only wants what’s best for him. Luckily I got good representation and even got my daughter full time minus some weekends or visitation. I could prove that my daughter was endangered by his mother. So now to the advice part. I knew that my ex needed to be permanently in my life because of my daughter. And I was learning to live with that. He was very cold with me because again ... I broke his heart. Now two things have come together: * My ex BIL got married to an African American woman, so of course my ex MIL flipped. * I started dating again. My ex BIL is a great guy and he actually stood up for his wife (go figure, it is possible!) I stay in contact with him because we are friends and he was a mediator and fought with his brother quite often. So my BIL actually stood up for his wife and my ex husband got his panties in a twist. My BIL basically opened his eyes to how shitty he was being. And that their mom treated me the same way she treated his wife. And finally my dense ex started understanding. The guy I am seeing is great. I have even met his parents and his mother is normal. She treats me like a human being and has invited me already to many family functions and tries to make me and my daughter feel welcomed. My ex got wind from the situation through a mutual friend and guess who is now flipping his shit? He started bringing flowers and chocolate ( I don't even like chocolate!!!) to pick up our daughter. He sends me cards and sms with hearts and who knows what. Yesterday was the "best thing". My daughter was at my mother’s place and I was at home with my boyfriend. He appears in front of my door crying and clutching my engagement ring begging me to come back. I said no and that he should go away. He wouldn't and started demanding that I come out to talk to him. My boyfriend told him that he would call the police, and in his pathetic fashion he threatened to beat my boyfriend up. I closed the door and let him pound sand. Today he picked up my daughter for a day trip and when they came back my daughter was asking if I loved my boyfriend more than her. Now I am at a loss to what to do. I already told my daughter that it was impossible because my love for her is infinite and there is nothing bigger than infinite. But now I know that my ex is trying to make my daughter hate me. I am at a loss because I won't use my daughter as ammunition. But also ... what the hell am I supposed to do?? I will never return to that man but I can't take away the father of my daughter. Do you guys have any advice? Edit/mini update : thanks you all! I needed to vent and was feeling helpless and am so thankful for you wonderful people. I talked to my lawyer who confirmed that we could have a case for domestic violence by proxy. A social worker will be visiting us in the next few days to talk to my daughter about this. Edit: Because apparently people want to spin the narrative on me. I don't care if he wants me back. I don't love him anymore and will never get back together with him. Staying for the sake of our daughter would not make sense as it has been proven that kids grow up happier in divorced homes than unhappy homes. I tried talking to my husband when we were still married and he would always brush it off. He would brush off everything his mother did. I complained to him and told him we needed go to therapy which he declined. He has his daughter on the weekends. The court gave me majority custody because of his mother. Jeezus guys I guess in some of y'all's eyes I should have kept being by my ex's side as a submissive bimbo. [**Second post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/cu0na1/update_I_f30_divorced_my_ex_husband_m36_because/)**: Next day** I just posted here yesterday but it feels like weeks have happened. So I have just left my daughter with my mother and am going to my lawyer again.I followed some advice you guys gave me and we sat down with my daughter to "chit chat". We knew we couldn't prompt any kind of responses by asking overly specific questions as per her therapist. So my mother asks my daughter (let’s call her Cat) "Cat what do you and daddy talk about?" And Cat just listed many toddler things like she talks about kindergarten, games etc. When I was kind of relieved that that comment my ex made yesterday may just be a one off, came the big bomb. "He also shows me pictures of houses and tells me I can have now 2 rooms with loads of stuff!!" I ask if her dad is buying a new house. Nope. Turns out that nut wants to take my daughter out of the country. He shows her pictures of beach houses and even bought her a bag so she can put her stuff inside it. Which explains why so many of her clothes have gone missing. At first I thought that maybe my ex hadn't told me yet because it hadn't come through. But no he told my daughter to keep this as a secret because mommy would get sad if she knew that daddy was going away. So I am fucking livid. And also sad because I will have to tell my daughter no. Once again I feel lost. Edit /Update : I talked to my lawyer and we have taken measures that I can't discuss here but we are on it. I have my daughter’s passport as we flew last month to visit extended family. Also I am a US citizen so even if my ex MIL tried to have me deported, that wouldn't be possible. [**Final update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/czwgg3/final_update_I_divorced_my_husband_because_of_my/)**: Sep 5, 2019 (two weeks later)** So I thought of giving you the last update as you helped me through this. I didn't have enough evidence to request an ex parte, aka emergency child custody. So my lawyer and I had to work on steps to prevent child abduction. We got a custody decree that included provisions including passports, travel restrictions etc. We also had to be very wary of the signs. He in fact quit his job and on a realtor's page, I saw that he was putting his mother's house on sale. That and my daughter's words was all we needed to notify law enforcement for them to keep an eye out. I couldn't prevent my daughter from seeing her father. We tried to continue business as usual without my daughter feeling something was up. I got a call from the police department regarding the passport situation. My daughter's passport had expired very recently (five years validity). My ex husband had tried to request a passport for my daughter without my knowledge. Which was stupid because even without the decree, I had to be present or submit a notarized document of me stating that he could request the passport. After that things actually went very fast. He was investigated because he violated the decree and it was found out that MIL had bought 3 tickets with no return date to Mexico. I could request an ex parte. After a shit ton of documents I submitted it. In most cases the judge will evaluate behind closed doors. We had the hearing yesterday (it takes usually 10 to 20 days) which was very good for me. ATM I have sole custody for my daughter. This is all temporary. My ex has visitation rights if I was present but he can't take her anywhere. This is once the investigation of him is closed. I was cursed out by my ex and ex MIL and they said they will try to contest this but they have no leg to stand on. My daughter will continue in therapy. Specially after this. I will not prohibit him from seeing her but he needs help. This was really scary and a very intense two weeks. I don't think that I will update again but I wanted to thank you all for your tips and support. I am really thankful as I am finally not anxious the whole time! Thank you really much! **Reminder: I am not OP. Marked as concluded, as OP hasn't posted in four years, and the ex husband and MIL have been dealt with.**

Woman divorces her husband due to an awful MIL, ex husband wants back in after a year of hell from MIL

CONCLUDED

aksnitd

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17393o0/woman_divorces_her_husband_due_to_an_awful_mil_ex/

173ikzy

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Ok-Meal-1617](https://www.reddit.com/user/Ok-Meal-1617/). He posted in r/amiwrong **Mood Spoiler:** >!oof!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/16x5m3r/am_i_wrong_for_telling_my_gf_to_rein_in_her_daddy/)**: October 1, 2023** throwaway because my cousins know my actual account My gf 'Shay' (f27) and I (m26) are on a small vacation to my hometown. She's only ever met my dad and extended family (aunt, uncle and cousins) over the phone so I thought this would be a great opportunity to introduce everyone properly. But since we've arrived, Shay's behavior towards my dad has been seriously off-putting. For example, I thought it would be fun if we all went horseback riding. My younger cousins do it as a hobby so I thought it would be nice to do an activity we'd all like. But Shay wouldn't even get on the horse because she said she was scared. It's been years since I've been on a horse but they were so calm and honestly not a problem at all. I offered to stay with her while the others enjoyed themselves but she insisted I go because my dad already offered to stay behind (he doesn't usually go horseback riding either). It was weird that she didn't want me there too but I left it be. There have been other instances too, like how she asked my dad to show her around town instead of staying with me and meeting my old friend from high school. It was an impromptu meet up (we literally ran into him while we were looking for somewhere to get lunch with my dad) but it would've been nice if she made the effort to get to know him instead of going with my dad. The final straw was when we were all at my aunt's house for dinner. Shay made cupcakes (baking is kinda her thing) and she made some chocolate and peanut butter ones specifically because they're my dad's favorite. She made a few different types of cupcakes but none of the others were my other relative's favorite flavors. When we got back to our Airbnb, I confronted her. I know Shay's dad left when she was a teen and they're no contact so I figured she might be clinging to my dad because it's nice to have a fatherly presence and not something she's used to. I asked her (jokingly) to rein in her daddy issues and to stop being so clingy with my dad. She blew up at me, telling me that she's trying her best to fit in and that I've put no effort in making her feel welcome. Neither of us were willing to compromise and I ended up sleeping somewhere else for the night. I need to talk things out with her today but before I do, I want to make sure I'm not in the wrong. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Honestly most reactions are summed up in the following:* **Commenter 1:** "Sorry bud, I think you are the one with the daddy issues. I don’t see any sexual about the way she was acting towards your dad based on what you described. So you are mad because your girlfriend was “too nice” to your dad and was trying “too hard” to fit in and be friendly? Makes absolutely no sense." **Commenter 2:** "1. The horseback riding thing is totally normal. She doesn't like riding and didnt want you to miss out 2. You wanted to blow off plans with your dad to visit with your friend. This is rude af to me and she didn want your dad bailed on. Brownie points to her for trying to be polite to your family 3. Cupcakes. Why the fuck do you care? It's a nice gesture she made a bunch for everyone in your family I want to hear more about how she feels and why is she saying you haven't made her feel included or welcome? She's the one in a new environment trying to impress people. That's Hella stressful and you're being weird about this shit?" *OOP's responses:* "My aunt and uncle are just as important. And so are my cousins. My mom isn't around anymore so my aunt is the biggest female influence I have in my life. Shay knows this but hasn't put in any thought to spending more time with her. Maybe I'm wrong but I thought bonding with her would have been more of a prime focus" "I'm not insecure about this, it's just undeniably strange that she's doing so much to spend time with my dad and not putting in that much effort with my other family members." *In response to that, a commenter says:* No. It's really weird that you bailed on hanging out with your dad to hang out with some guy you went to high school with. *OOP's response:* "they were one of my best friends in high school and we unfortunately lost touch in our college years. Also my dad said it was fine for us BOTH to go with my friend. He really didn't care that much" "ok so if she is an outsider which admittedly she is, why would she blow off meeting an old friend of mine and learning about these old stories and memories?! If the roles were reversed I would love to chat with one of her old friends and see what she was like before we met, get some funny stories about back in the day etc." *Out of curiosity, where did you end up sleeping?* "I slept at a friend's house. A few people live there so before you ask, it wasn't like I was having some 1 on 1 time with someone else." *Female friend?* "It's a house shared by like 6 people, of course a few of them were women but they weren't why I was staying there" *Has your dad stolen a girlfriend before? Do you have a reason to not trust him? Also, it makes sense she would make cupcakes for the primary parent and not extended family.* "No, my father has never stolen one of my girlfriends before, this isn't some soap opera. As for the cupcake thing, I get where you're coming from but the only family I have is my dad, aunt, uncle and three cousins. That's it. And yet she only made my dad's favorite?! Even if she made my dad's and one other relative's favorite I would say that's fair but it's the fact that everything revolves around my dad is what made me question it (wrongfully so according to the comments which I accept)." ***Most commenters agree OOP was wrong*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/16xxylb/update_told_my_gf_to_rein_in_her_daddy_issues/)**: October 2, 2023 (Next Day)** Ok I get it, I'm wrong. Even though a lot of you were really harsh in the comments of my last post, I appreciate the honesty and think I needed it. I read every comment and I understand it was wrong of me to joke about a potentially triggering topic around my gf. Me joking about it was an asshole thing to do and any concerns I had I should have said in a much better way. I went back to the Airbnb today and you'll never guess who was there with my gf. Yes, it was my father. He was in the kitchen cleaning up what looked like leftovers from breakfast. He said he stopped by a café that's at the end of the street and bought us breakfast but I wasn't there when he arrived. By that point, Shay told him everything about our argument and he wasn't happy. Where was Shay when I arrived back? My dad said she was in the shower/ getting ready and that they were going to go to my aunt's house looking for me. They both presumed that's where I was considering I wasn't at the Airbnb nor was I with my dad. We talked and I helped him clean up their breakfast. While I did, I saw the receipt in the to go bag. Considering the café he bought the breakfast in is literally 5-10 minutes away and he came straight from there to the Airbnb, it's safe to assume he spent at least 2 hours maybe 2 and a half hours at the Airbnb before I arrived. But sure, that's normal. I didn't bring this up or even question it. I've learned my lesson about bringing up "stupid" and "immature" concerns. My dad reiterated a lot of the things people said in my post like how Shay didn't want me to miss out on the horseback riding, that she wanted to give me time with my friend without being the third wheel and he said that his favorite cupcake flavor came up while they were walking around town together. It was an embarrassing conversation and while we didn't discuss everything I wanted, it's a start. When my dad left, I spoke to Shay and apologized. She was really quiet and when we talked about it further, she was crying a lot. The only thing she really said is that we have underlying issues from before this vacation and that this whole ordeal just adds to it. We were supposed to go to a game's night at my aunt's tonight but Shay said she isn't going and that she wants some time to think. I respect that. I don't know if Shay wants me to stay at the Airbnb tonight or not but I'm glad she didn't immediately break up with me like some of you suggested. ***Relevant Comments:*** *You saw the receipt- was it food for 2 or for 3?* "food for 3 but they didn't even bother saving the food they got for me" *Did you tell her where you slept last night?* "yeah I mentioned that I stayed at my friend's house for the night. She didn't mind" *Where were you for 2 hours this morning?* "still at my friend's house. I woke up later than normal because I was stressing over this the night before" *This comment exchange before OOP's edit:* Commenter: "My dude, I sought out your one comment on your update because I want to make sure you see this. Your whole story reads like you either have self-confidence issues or you've had the wool over your eyes before (presumably not involving your dad). What you are creating here is called a self-fulfilling prophecy. You're looking for a problem that isn't there and potentially creating the catalyst to make it or something like it actually happen. For whatever reason, you don't trust your GF here. And if there are underlying issues from before this trip, I get the feeling you might not have trusted her ever. She's in this relationship for a reason, dude, and the reason is not your dad. Look past your insecurities and discover what you've got here before it's too late." OOP: "I don't have any self-confidence issues but I'll take what you've said and really think about it. I didn't think there were any issues between me and my gf before this trip. She's been nothing but supportive of me and I always imagined a future with her." **OOP's Edit: (Same Day, Same Post)** we broke up. she's staying at a hotel tonight and then leaving tomorrow.

Am I wrong for telling my gf to rein in her daddy issues while we're visiting my family?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/173ikzy/am_i_wrong_for_telling_my_gf_to_rein_in_her_daddy/

173il5d

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Ayakashadow **My dad said he wishes he had a son rather then a daughter.** **Previous [BoRU]( https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16fdoh4/my_dad_said_he_wishes_he_had_a_son_rather_then_a/)** **New Update is marked with:** - - - **Originally posted to** r/offmychest Trigger Warning: >!child neglect, slurs, physical violence!< --- &nbsp; [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/164sh8r/my_dad_said_he_wishes_he_had_a_son_rather_then_a/) **- Aug 29, 2023** I apologize in advance for my bad Grammer or spelling. I'm writing this quickly and on a phone. I (17f) am not very close with my father (41m) due to him not wanting to spend much time with me. when I was little, me and my mom (39f) did lots of fun activities together and she always played with me and entertained me resulting in us having a good relationship now years later, but whenever I'd try to get my dad to play with me or watch something with me he'd be uninterested and tell me to go play with my mom. This happened practically everyday with me wanting to watch him work on his car or ask him to play but he always pushed me off and as I grew up, I believed that my dad just didn't like me so I asked him to play or teach me stuff less and less. He would only do stuff with me on my birthday and holidays though he always made sure I was fed when I was hungry and if I was upset he'd comfort me but other then that he would avoid me. Now to today, I was in the kitchen getting a snack and my dad was outside in the backyard on the phone with one of his friends. I could hear what he was talking about from the open kitchen window but I was ignoring it until he said my name in their conversation. I listened in more and heard him telling his friend that he wishes he had a son more then a daughter because he never wanted a girl and didn't try to build much of a relationship with me because of it and said he had tried to get my mom to have a 2nd kid to see if he could get a son but my mom didn't want 2 children at the time so he just ignored me when I was able to walk and talk so he could focus on other things and let my mom raise me. I went to my room after hearing this and am writing this now. I want to tell my mom because how hurt I feel but I also don't want to cause a argument between them since they are really close. Does anyone have a few suggestions on what I should do? Should I ask him about it or just tell my mom? &nbsp; [Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/16540iw/update_my_dad_said_he_wishes_he_had_a_son_rather/) \- **August 29, 2023 (Eight hours later)** Hi everyone, I have a short update for my situation from my last post. I firstly want to say how grateful and heartwarming seeing your comments were and your kind words really helped along with the few people who messaged me asking if I needed someone to talk to, I really love you all. On to the update. My mom got home from work and I waited until she wasn't busy to talk to her. I asked her to come with me to my room and once we both were in there with the door closed I told her what I overheard and how I felt, not just about his hurtful words but also how I've felt my whole life with how he treated me like I'm a stranger. My mom was quiet as I talk and once I finished she hugged me and told me how she's really sorry and hugged me while telling me how I'm the best thing to ever happen to her and that it didn't matter that I'm a girl because she'd love me either way and that's how parents should be and she'd always be there for me. After a bit she went to confront my dad who just admitted it, they got into a arguement from it which ended with him going to stay at my grandma's house for a bit. I'll add another update if anything new comes up. Edit: I forgot to mention but my mom also told me how she's been doing her best to fill both roles of my mom and dad since my dad wasn't. &nbsp; [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/169d8rn/update_2_my_dad_said_he_rather_have_a_son_the_a/?share_id=PTIQi0RKZJTTkHZj_aCMD&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) \- **Sept 3, 2023 (Five days later)** Wow, first off I want to say thank you to everyone who commented on my last 2 post. I've been given lots of advice and support which I really want to say thank you for, you have no idea how much it means to me. On to the update. My dad came home last night and my mom was hesitant to let him into the house but he said he needed to talk so she let him in. He, Me and My mom sat in the livingroom and he started apologizing for what had happened and was telling my mom and me that he regretted what he said and would step up to be a better father to me and to make things right. My mom told him that what he did was not acceptable in any way and that it's not a matter where apologizing will fix it. I then asked how exactly did he plan to make up ignoring me my whole childhood and not being a dad to me and how I'm turning 18 in a couple months and then I'll be a adult and won't be a child anymore, I then said that ignoring me all my childhood and pushing me away because of what's between my legs was a horrible thing and I don't forgive him. He started apologizing more and had some tears in his eyes which sort of surprised me but my mom asked me to head to my room so I did and I could hear my mom saying stuff and then my dad leave the house again. She came into my room after and told me that she would be not allowing him in our home anymore and gave me a hug before telling me that she texted his mom the night he left for a few days about what happened and apparently my grandma tore into him about it and kicked him out so he had to stay at one of his friends house. &nbsp; --- #NEW UPDATE &nbsp; [**Update #3**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/16xzl1c/update_3_my_father_said_hed_rather_have_a_son/?share_id=JreCUJ_E2eGPJ_8Qnhner&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **October 2, 2023 (One month later)** Hello all, it's been almost a month since my last update since nothing much had happened with the situation until last weekend, if you want to know the full story then look at my previous posts then come back to this one. I was home alone last weekend watching the mandalorian (hope I spelled it right) as I was resting after being hit by a car (story for another time but I'm fine) and as I was laying in bed I heard knocking on the front door, I went to check and saw my dad standing there, his left eye was completely blood shot looking and he asked to come in. At first I said no and said if he wanted to talk we could where we were at. He started apologizing for everything and then tried to guilt me into forgiving him and to try and get my mom to let him stay again but when I said no he got a bit mad and started to rant about what's been happening with his life recently. I wasn't really interested and just waiting for him to back up so I can shut the door when he started to calm down a bit and then drop a bomb and said that he wasn't very interested in me growing up because I was not his kid. I was dumbfounded hearing that and asked what he meant and he said "If you were my child you would not be a girl so you aren't my kid". I actually was shocked he thought that was how it worked and I was not his child because I wasn't born a boy. Like wtf, I started to tell him that he's a actual ret*rd if he thought that's how it worked and that made him mad and he slapped me and started to yell so I pushed him backwards and he fell off the porch so I shut the door quickly and locked it before calling my mom who immediately called the police and rushed home as he was yelling and trying to get the door back open. After a few minutes the cops should up and he was taken in a ambulance to a hospital because the fall backwards broke his wrist, then he was arrested for assault on a minor since we have cameras that caught the whole thing on video. My mom had been comforting me the past week because I had to deal with that and now we are okay. I probably won't update again unless something major happens but I wanted to say thank you to everyone who has reached out and left nice comments on all of my posts. &nbsp; **REMINDER – THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP**

[New Update] - My dad said he wishes he had a son rather then a daughter.

NEW UPDATE

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/173il5d/new_update_my_dad_said_he_wishes_he_had_a_son/

173il85

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/palashpandey9 **Need help!! Lyft driver drove off with my pet cat** **Originally posted to** r/lyft & r/Austin **MOOD SPOILER:** >!cat I safe and back home!< [Cat tax](https://imgur.com/a/iXCs44t) [Need help!! Lyft driver drove off with my pet cat](https://reddit.com/r/Lyft/s/fJjVoPxQ5K)  **Oct 1, 2023** I don't know what else to do at this point so this is a hail Mary. I was taking my cat to a vet appointment at the Bansfield pet hospital (11150 Research Blvd Ste 100A, Austin, TX 78759), I was sitting behind the driver and had the cat carrier on the floor of the passenger side back seat. Once we reached, I got off from the driver side door and started walking to the passenger side door to pick her up. Before I could open the door, the driver started driving. I banged on the back and passenger windows and screamed running behind him but he drove off. I tried contacting the driver through lyft. They were not helpful at all. You can only send three messages and call the driver there times. The driver didn't respond for about 2 hours and then said that he doesn't have her. I called 911 but they transferred me over to 311 and filed a report. I have not heard back from anyone yet. I don't know what else to do. The driver has stopped responding again and I don't have any way of contacting him other than the app. I have offered them money for bringing her back but they just don't respond. Is there anyone who can help?! What else can I do?! About my cat: Tux is a shorthair black and white tuxedo. She has a blue collar with a red colored heart shaped pendant with her name and my phone number on it. She was in a blue soft carrier case when I was traveling with her in the car. [Update 1](https://reddit.com/r/Lyft/s/o2wnqnxmuU)  **Oct 1, 2023** UPDATE: The driver just called me. He said multiple things: 1: He called me because APD contacted him. He said he wanted to reach out to me directly to share what he knows. 2: He claims he is allergic to cats and "would have canceled the ride if he knew I had a cat in the carrier". I am very doubtful. 3: He said that he drove off quickly because he got startled. 4: He said that he picked up several people after me. He picked a party of two in Lamar down 183 right after he dropped me off. He then picked up and dropped off people in south Austin. As I said earlier. Please do not dox this person publically. I'm sharing everything that you all have found with the police. I just want my cat back. I don't want a trial by Reddit for anyone. I'm going to pursue this through the proper channels. Thank you all for your time. You guys have restored my faith in the community. [Update 2](https://reddit.com/r/Lyft/s/d974NpemdI)   **Oct 1, 2023** UPDATE 2: I have gone through the dumpsters of all the gas stations on the way from the hospital to 183 and Lamar last night. I haven't found anything yet. I have reached out to Lyft to ask them if they can share the contact info of riders after me or share my info with them but haven't heard back yet. APD officers I talked to last night said that a detective would contact me early morning today so I'm waiting for that call. I have shared all the updates I have till now with the officer whose contact information I have. [Update 3](https://reddit.com/r/Lyft/s/sk07L5ZMLG)   **Oct 1, 2023** UPDATE 3: I talked with the driver again to offer them money but they said they don't know where she is. I asked them if they remember anything more and they said they picked people from apartments in North Lamar and dropped them near the In-n-out near the UT fraternities. I'm printing out flyers and going to post them at both of those locations. I beg you all to not harass the driver. I'm very suspicious but I don't have any hard evidence against him. I don't want people to harass someone who hasn't been found guilty of anything yet. I thank you all again for your help [Update 4](https://reddit.com/r/Austin/s/atDeYxxo7y)   **Oct 1, 2023** UPDATE 4: Hey everyone, someone here suggested that it might be worth it to visit homeless encampments because they might have picked her up from the sidewalk. I'm not very familiar with the area, can someone please send a list of potential areas I should visit? I can go there and pass out flyers and offer a reward. He said he went to North Lamar from bansfield hospital to anything on that route would be the best. Also, I just spoke to KVUE. They said they will run a segment at 10 PM tonight and put it on their social media as well. I'm really hoping someone picked her up thinking she was abandoned and would bring her back after seeing this. Thanks so much again. [Update 5](https://reddit.com/r/Austin/s/DleSMcDpS0)  **Oct 1, 2023** UPDATE 5: Just got off the phone with APD again. They said they have assigned the car to the animal cruelty unit and have multiple officers working on the case. The officer said that usually they prioritize other cars over animal cases because it's property crime but because of all of you guys they have a large team of people following multiple leads. They have already reached out to Lyft and have for the rider and GPS data and and following up on it right now. Again please do not harass the driver. He has already been contacted by multiple police officers and has already given his statement and is cooperating with the investigation. I have no way of verifying anything he has said, same as most of us, I'm relying on the police to do their work. Since my last update, we have put up flyers on Lamar and all over downtown and UT frats. I'm still distraught it was reassuring to learn that many officers are working on this. I'm trying to distribute flyers near the homeless encampments right now. I also just got a call from a Lyft executive, they said they are trying to help organize a search party with their people in Austin. They are also trying to find footage of the car from other cameras around. [Update 6](https://reddit.com/r/Austin/s/7OQyE5xIsf)  **Oct 2, 2023** UPDATE 6: One of our fellow Redditors has graciously offered her time for a group search. We are going to start at the banfield hospital at 9:15 tomorrow. I got a call earlier saying someone saw a cat that looked like Tux at the UT campus (Osborne and Co) as well and I'm searching there right now but haven't had any luck yet. Just wanted to share in case anyone can join. Please feel free to text or DM me and we can arrange a plan. Or we can just meet there and discuss as well. I really appreciate all of your help. I have never seen a community so willing to help before, I am eternally grateful to you all. [Update 7](https://reddit.com/r/Lyft/s/YpNTYaXt0Z)  **Oct 2, 2023** UPDATE 7: The investigators from Lyft found Tux! She was at https://maps.app.goo.gl/8MQzG4kVFpufmQUK7. The did not find her carrier. Snippet from the investigator who found her: "Cat ran up a set of stairs on the back of the building next to it. The team was able to get her caught up at the top of the stairs and she was too scared to jump from up there. I was able to give my over shirt to the team member at top of the stairs to wrap her up in and had an extra cat carrier that I brought with me just in case of." She looks very tired, is covered in fleas and dehydrated. She started eating wet food again which is a good sign but I'll monitor her and take her to the vet as soon as she calms down and stabilizes a bit. I would update again once I hear from the vet. Thank you everyone. I cannot thank each and everyone of you enough. Also now, that I have her back, I want to nail the POS who stole her. I'm going to ensure that they go to jail. Fuck these people. I want revenge now. Fucking coward saw what was coming for him and left her on the side of the road. There's plenty of cameras around, he's not going to get away with this. [Update 8](https://reddit.com/r/Austin/s/nMZVHZEw0g)  **Oct 2, 2023** UPDATE 8: Just got back from the vet. Tux has clean bill of health. I'm quite sure she thinks she was just playing the game Stray in VR 😂 Thank you everyone for helping. You guys have restored my faith in the community. Pictures of Tux back home. https://twitter.com/palashp40616755/status/1708940161310986695 **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Need help!! Lyft driver drove off with my pet cat

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/173il85/need_help_lyft_driver_drove_off_with_my_pet_cat/

173ily7

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Purrmaow **Roommate wants me to use the microwave in a closet** **Originally posted to** r/badroommates **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!controlling behavior!< **MOOD SPOILER:** >!Frustrating for OOP!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/badroommates/s/K9R7ni9REq)  **Sept 26, 2023** I moved in with my roommate recently and I’ve noticed that she’s quite inconsiderate of other people’s needs. I also think it’s important to highlight that her parents own this house. It’s a two bedroom apartment and we have our own private rooms but we share some common areas such as the kitchen. Now, my roommate is very specific about how she wants to the kitchen to be: she basically doesn’t allow me to keep any of my daily use appliances such as my blender on the countertop. She’s okay with having her appliances on the kitchen countertop but anytime I place something that I use, she immediately removes it without any communication. Now this is not even the worst part. Apparently, she doesn’t use a microwave or cook in general so she wants us to keep this microwave inside a cupboard with pots and pans and expects me to either take it out and lift it up every single time I use it or plug an extension cord everytime I use it and plug it out after I’m done. Please note that this cupboard shelf is literally on the ground level and doesn’t even have enough ventilation to use safely. I have back problems so after tolerating this for three weeks, I told her that I’m finding it really tedious to have to do this and it would be much more convenient to have it on one of the countertops. She refused, she said she’s not going to let me have it on that space. I asked her for alternative options and she suggested that we move the microwave to a closet (which is not even in the kitchen) where we store cleaning appliances and coats and other miscellaneous stuff. This closet does not have an electrical outlet so obviously I would have to repeat the same shit of pulling out an extension cord every damn time I use it. Also when I brought up my back pain she gaslighted me by saying that there’s no way I have pain while I’m bending down to microwave my food. She did not acknowledge it and just dismissed whatever I said by saying that she doesn’t use the microwave so she’s not okay with it being on the countertop. I’m sick of this and I think it’s really unfair. I would appreciate some advise especially considering this power dynamic. UPDATE: Thank you everyone for suggesting that I should stand my ground. I finally confronted her and it turns out she didn’t want to have the microwave on the countertop because she’s afraid of “all the RADIATION in the air” and that it makes her very uncomfortable. I was at a loss for words but I succeeded at having her agree with me so that’s a win! [Update](https://reddit.com/r/badroommates/s/JwTo5wKxvi)  **Oct 2, 2023** If you haven’t read the original post: My roommate doesn’t allow me to keep any of my appliances on the countertop in the kitchen and instead expects me to use it in a cabinet under the counter or in a closet for which I have to plug/unplug an extension cord each time I use it. After having a discussion with her via text, she told me that she’s afraid of all the “radiation in the air” but that’s what she decided to “get over”. I assumed this was her saying that she’s okay with me putting it on the counter but boy was I wrong. A couple days after this conversation, the microwave is back in the cabinet. Apparently she just “allowed” me to have it on the countertop for a week ,after I told her I have chronic back pain and she thought my back pain would magically disappear in a week’s time. I confronted her about this immediately and her response was that she never agreed to having it on the countertop permanently. She’s very rigid about the rules and honestly I’m so frustrated because she’s probably going to act entitled in many different situations. I wish I could just move out but I can’t. I still have more than 6 months on the lease, I’m not allowed to sublet this place and there’s a housing crisis in my city. She’s obviously aware of this and she had the audacity to tell me that there’s a lot of people who would be more than happy to live in this apartment. She even asked me why it’s “such a big deal”. I hate this power dynamic and the fact that she cunningly uses the housing crisis and her parents being the owner as a leverage for acting this way. I’ve considered reaching out to her parents as they are the landlords on the lease, but I’m afraid that they might support her and potentially evict me. It’s fucked up. I’m a student and I unfortunately don’t have anywhere else to go if I decide to move out. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **maniacalmango0** >Where do you think the daughter got the “radiation in the air” thing from? It’s 100% the parents **OOP replied** >>Yeah that’s what I’m worried about. She said she knows a lot of people who are also afraid of microwave radiation. I can’t believe this gal has a degree in science T_T * **AVTR_99** >That explains her shitty it’s all about me attitude. She knows her parents own it and is using that as leverage. Sounds like an annoying situation to be in and I feel for you. We’ll see what the parents/landlords say but they’ll probably only see there daughters side of it. >Not sure if you’ve already tried but maybe ask her to keep it on the countertop permanently but unplugged when your not using it. >She sounds batshit crazy though and probably just wants it all her way **OOP replied** >>I tried to explain to her that the radiation doesn’t “leak out”. If she doesn’t understand this then she most certainly won’t have the ability to understand the difference between a plugged and an unplugged microwave **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Roommate wants me to use the microwave in a closet

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/173ily7/roommate_wants_me_to_use_the_microwave_in_a_closet/

173imtq

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/bffsleptwithsis **Originally posted to** r/AITAH **AITA for calling my best friend creepy for sleeping with my little sister** Trigger Warnings: >!death of parents, dealing with trauma, possible sexual assault, and grooming!< --- &nbsp; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16ukmbx/aita_for_calling_my_best_friend_creepy_for/) - **September 28, 2023** Hi Reddit, I'm honestly at a loss right now and need some outsider perspective. So my (27f) parents died in a car accident a few months ago and now my sister, Lily (18f) is staying with me at my apartment. I love having Lily here, I didn't get to see her as much after I moved to the city where we're currently living and my job. It was much smoother transition than I expected. I reintroduced her to my best friend, Cole (27m) almost right away and they seemed to get along fairly well. My sister's birthday was in July and the night after it, she went to a new 18+ club that opened in our area. I didn't think much of it and just wanted her to be safe. After that night, Lily seemed more stressed and I assumed it was because of her first year at college coming up (she's taking online courses for the first year) and just tried to give her advice on how to handle it. Yesterday after Cole came over to drop off some brownies he had baked, my sister came up to me with tears in her eyes and admitted that she had bumped into Cole on the night after her birthday and they ended up sleeping together. I was shocked but from how sad and ashamed Lily seemed, I asked if Cole had taken advantage of her. Lily said no and that it was 100% consensual but Cole asked her to keep it a secret Lily didn't want to stress me out and was afraid of me being mad at her but she couldn't hold it in much longer. After reassuring Lily that I wasn't mad at her and that she was completely right for telling me, I went to my room and angrily called Cole. I yelled at him over the phone and told him how creepy it was that he fucked my freshly eighteen year old sister and that he was way too old to be messing around with girls her age. We went back and forth for a bit before finally hanging up and I went back to talking to Lily about this. Cole told his family and our mutual friends what happened. During the night and even this morning, I've been bombarded with texts from them saying that I was an ass for calling Cole creepy and that since it was a consensual sexual encounter with Lily being of age, it shouldn't matter. I haven't shown Lily the texts, I don't want to make her feel worse than she already is. With how consistent everyone has been with calling me an asshole, I'm wondering if I really am. So, Am I The Asshole for calling my best friend creepy for sleeping with my little sister? EDIT: Yeah I realized I made it sound like Cole and Lily only met after our parents' death but she has known him before. Granted, they didn't talk much to my knowledge back then since she was a kid and I didn't include her in what I was doing very often. Edit 2: It's just Cole's mom, dad, and brother who are harassing me about this outside of our friends and at this point I think that he might've twisted the story for them to get this riled up over what I said. ***AITAH has no consensus bot, but top comments show OOP was NTA*** &nbsp; **RELEVANT COMMENTS FROM OOP** ***junker359:** Generally I'm going to assume any story where a bunch of people you barely know text you to berate you is a fake story. I also think it's weird that your supposed best friend has never met your family before?* >**OP:** He has, he's known Lily since she was 3. I'm also close with his family and like I said it's our mutual friend group yelling at me for what I said. ***Junker359:** You said in the story that you had introduced him to her when she moved in with you. Anyway yes, if this is real and he has really known her since she was a small child, then it's creepy* >**OP:** I meant reintroduced since she hasn't seen him in awhile, like I said until now I have not really seen my sister due to my job and being decently far from where I used to live with my parents and sister. &nbsp; [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16yarky/update_aita_for_calling_my_best_friend_creepy_for/) - **October 2, 2023** Hey Reddit, these past four days have been busy but I'm back with an update. To start off with, I ended up talking to Lily about what happened that night and she ended up revealing that shortly after I reintroduced Cole to her, he began texting her, saying he wanted to help her grieve. Lily had told Cole about her plan to go to that club and by the time Cole had shown up, she was decently tipsy. Lily had woken up in Cole's bed the next morning and after he had woken up too, he told my sister to lie about what happened by saying she was at a friend's house because I would consider it to be a betrayal of my trust if I knew they slept together. After further discussion, Lily and I decided that grief counseling was best for her. Lily said that she regretted for not getting it at the start because to her, that's what started this. As for Cole's family and our friends, I decided to ask them what they were told by in two seeperate group chats. I was fucking right that he didn't tell them what actually happened: Both his family were under the expression that Cole and Lily had told me already what happened at first and that I seemed okay with it, but when Lily wanted to talk further, I blew up on him out of blue. I told them what actually happened and while Cole's family seemed hesitant to believe me, they'd said that they would talk to Cole. As for our friends, they believed me and while some apologized, some were saying that it shouldn't have been an issue in the first place because my sister was legal, so I had to drop those people. I've blocked Cole and I haven't confronted him further but I'm preparing myself for the worst when I do. Also to clarify some things: I'm a woman first of all, and second for all, I don't think Cole had ever romantically liked me the past fifteen years of us being friends. There just hasn't been any sign of that but then again, this proves that I don't know him as well as I thought so idk. Thank you all for the advice and I'll update you again if anything more comes out of this. **Relevant Comment from OOP:** ***ToastDoesIt:** I'm sorry but I'm going to need you to clarify if that's you paraphrasing her saying she "woke up in Cole's bed" or if that is exactly what she said. Because if those are her direct words and this nearly THIRTY YEAR OLD MAN immediately jumps to "don't tell your sister"?? It makes me see RED FLAGS all over this. It sounds like he did take advantage of your sister and that you might need to ask her a few more... pressing questions about the specific events of that night to be sure. Hell, a talk with a (preferably female) officer might be helpful to clarify the lines that seem a little blurred here.* >**OP:** I'm not paraphrasing, what she initially told me when she came home after leaving Cole's apartment was that she stayed at one of her friends' places since it was so late in the night and she didn't want to wake me up. &nbsp; **DISCLAIMER: OOP HAS UPDATED AFTER THE BoRU WAS POSTED** **SO PER RULES UPDATE IS INCLUDED** [**Update #2**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17422z4/update_2_aita_for_calling_my_best_friend_creepy/?share_id=h4tf1jZv7Z29llcOoAHYM&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **October 9, 2023** I wanted to post an update a few days ago but I've felt emotionally and mentally exhausted. Per your guys' advice, I asked Lily if she actually remembered having sex with Cole and she said that she remembered Cole buying her a drink then later on, Cole convinced Lily and her friend who was tagging along with her to let Lily go home with him. Lily remembers getting in the uber and being inside of Cole's living room and bedroom but not the sex itself. I mentioned that its possible Cole drugged her with that drink, and if he did then its rape and Lily can press charges against him. Lily said if he did, she would want to press charges against Cole. We both got a bit emotional afterwards and I apologized to Lily for not noticing that something was wrong when it first happened. As for Cole's parents, they threatened to cut him off financially if he didn't tell them the truth and Cole admitted to what Lily said in the first post. Cole's parents apologized to me over the phone call and I told them what Lily said and if he did drug her, then there's a possibility that we'll pressing charges against Cole. They seemed to accept that and apologized one more time for harassing me before hanging up. Also while clearing my phone of Cole-related things ( pictures, videos, calender dates, etc), I remembered a time when he was picking me up for a concert when we were 18-19. He looked at my outfit when I got into the car and mentioned how easy it would be for someone at the concert for them to rip it off and take advantage of me. I'll be honest, I was far more timid and more afraid of confrontation so despite feeling weird about his comment, I brushed it off so we wouldn't fight over it. So there's one red flag I missed and regret not saying about it. Like I said in the last update, thank you for all of your support and advice. I'll update you guys if anything major comes up. EDIT: Oh, and I'm changing all my passwords (probably my apartment door lock too) that Cole has access to. Just in case he tries anything. &nbsp; **THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP**

AITA for calling my best friend creepy for sleeping with my little sister

NEW UPDATE

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/173imtq/aita_for_calling_my_best_friend_creepy_for/

173imu5

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ThrowRa_yoy **BIL's (36M) husband (38M) makes me (24F) feel uncomfortable and I don't know how to tell my husband (30M) without them thinking I'm homophobic.** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Verbal and emotional abuse, emotional manipulation, gaslighting, misogyny and accusations of homophobia!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/RGB86P0YO8)  **Sept 25, 2023** This man (38M) has known me (24F) since I started dating my husband (30M) a few years ago, so you can imagine that we shared a lot of moments and I consider him my family. But lately he's been treating me like I'm the new girlfriend who's been dating his brother-in-law for a week, if you know what I mean. I gave birth ten weeks ago and I still feel tired and every time I say that out loud when he's around he tells me I'm overreacting, that it's been two months and that I have to stop taking advantage of the situation to use my husband. He is the one who takes care of everything in our house, he does the laundry, cooks, cleans, and some nights he takes care of our daughter, but he does it because he wants to because more than once I wanted to do those things and he told me that I should rest or things like that. The other day was my husband's birthday and I decided to bake a cake and prepare a special dinner to receive his family, and of course he had something to say about that. He started making fun of me saying that it was time for me to get my ass off the couch to do something productive. And he doesn't say those things when my husband is around, he says them when we are alone, and I try to ignore him because I don't want problems but I can't do that anymore. Yesterday he sent me an article about sex after giving birth and how many times husbands cheat on their wives because they are tired and don't want to have sex, and said something like I should pay attention and not let my marriage be ruined by "my laziness". And the truth is that my husband and I had sex again a few days ago but that's not something that I want to tell everyone, but he assumed that because I'm too tired to do certain things or because my husband decided to take care of me and do everything I don't satisfy him. I swear I can't stand him anymore, I don't know why he changed or why he suddenly treats me like trash but I've had enough and I want to tell my husband but I don't know how. I know I sound like a fool for not knowing how to communicate with my husband but in the past this man has had problems with my other BIL's wife because he accused her of being homophobic, and since then everyone took his side and hated her since then and I don't want that. I honestly don't care if he's gay or whatever he wants to be, I just want him to leave me alone, because I have been struggling a lot with guilt for letting my husband do everything and listening to the things he says hurt me because they make me feel like I'm being a burden on my husband and that he will soon get tired of me. My fear of being accused of being homophobic has to do with the fact that I come from a religious family and I'm sure that if I say something about him everyone will take it the wrong way. so how can I face this? Confronting this man is not an option because he is not a peaceful person and I don't want him to yell at me or accuse me of things that I'm not, so what can I do? How can I talk about this with my husband or my BIL (I honestly don't know if he knows how his husband is treating me so I thought it would be a good idea to talk to him too)? [Update](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/jvhAa2prJR)  **Oct 2, 2023** After posting I decided to take the advice of one of the people who commented on the original post and left my phone near my husband with the chat open for him to see. He saw the chat and asked me since when did I let his BIL send me those kind of things, I told him that I never let him and he simply started giving me "advice" without me asking for it, and I told him everything and fortunately he believed me and said that he would talk to his brother about his husband's behavior. That same day he called his brother and they had a long talk and of course his husband was hysterical and told him a bunch of lies about me. According to him, ever since my daughter was born, I haven't stopped "bragging" about motherhood because I know that he can't have children, that I always tried to make him feel less for being a man and things like that that are not true. Of course the majority of the family believed him because they know that I come from a very religious family and they believe that that's why I'm capable of doing those things that he accused me of. They always believe everything he says because he and my husband's brother have been a couple since high school and suffered a lot of homophobia, and they are constantly trying to protect them from it, even if you are not homophobic. I would like to say that he hates me and thus justify him but he was always like that. A while ago he had a fight with his other brother's wife and also accused her of being homophobic. They had a fight because he told her children that they should like boys because girls aren't as fun, and things like that, Then she told him not to tell them that, that everyone will decide if they like girls or boys in the future and he got offended and he accused her of being homophobic because according to him she would not have said that if he had told her children that they should like girls. When he accused her of that, the whole family turned their backs on her and no one talks to her. And now they're doing the same thing to me and as much as I try not to care I just can't. I have known his family since I was a teenager and I considered them family. I don't understand why they do this to me when I need them most. And the worst part is that my husband has been acting weird since then and treats me differently like he is avoiding me. and it terrifies me to think that maybe he will end up believing him. That's it, there's nothing more to say. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

BIL's (36M) husband (38M) makes me (24F) feel uncomfortable and I don't know how to tell my husband (30M) without them thinking I'm homophobic

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/173imu5/bils_36m_husband_38m_makes_me_24f_feel/

173yfs2

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/8billionaliens in r/AmItheAsshole trigger warnings: >!Animal neglect!< mood spoilers: >!Happy Ending!< --- &nbsp; AITA for telling our mutual friends the real reason I adopted a cat? https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vfix7t/aita_for_telling_our_mutual_friends_the_real/ - 6/18/2022 I (28F) recently agreed to foster a cat who I was told had massive behaviour issues and was going to be taken to an animal shelter if I didn't agree. I expected spitting, hissing, biting, not litterbox trained etc. Cat arrived with nothing to her name, cat is 5 years old. No box, bowls, toys, food, nothing but a flea collar that was clearly months old and too tight. Cat was absolutely filthy, ex-owner told me they couldn't provide money at the time for me to set the cat up, and I allowed it as I'd been told they were in a nasty financial position. We agreed to keep a tab of vet bills/food bills to be paid. As they are leaving, she mentions the case of white claws she stopped to pick up on the way. I was gobsmacked. I set about getting what the cat needed, and began to try to gauge its behaviour. Turns out this animal is the sweetest, smartest, kindest being I've ever had the pleasure to know. Took cat to vet, and cat is incredibly ill and underweight due to neglect. Got her medical shampoo for her skin, antibiotics for the massive infection she has, and then called her ex-owner and told her to send me her microchip details as I would be keeping the cat. She says thats fine, cat was never chipped anyway. Doesn't pay anything bar $40 of the bills. 2 days later turns up at her job with hair and nails done. I sat on it for 6 weeks, and stewed and stewed, until I found out she had been speaking to someone about a kitten. I didn't embellish anything, I simply told 2 of my closest friends what happened and why the cat stayed with me. The truth spread like wildfire, and most people have now turned their back on her. My only intent was to stop her from getting another animal, not for it to end up like this. I feel like I could be the asshole because this has affected her work and friendships. So, AITA? EDIT: Well folks I think we can safely say that I am NTA, wanted to thank you all for your judgements (no matter what they were). The Darkness has been given all of the wonderful messages, love and scritchies. You can keep an eye out on cattax for a post, due to this blowing up. Keep safe, be nice to each other and the animals! EDIT2: Also, I want to assure you all that she will be okay, we are in for several surgeries (corrective and necessary) and a long recovery. But I've got her every step of the way, she will have the best of everything, forever! Cat Tax https://www.reddit.com/r/cattax/comments/vg4zxs/paying_void_tax/ &nbsp; UPDATE: AITA for telling our mutual friends the real reason behind a cat adoption?https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16yjjml/update_aita_for_telling_our_mutual_friends_the/ - 10/2/2023 I received some messages asking for an update on the tiny void baby I adopted a year and a half ago. Unfortunately for me, the fall out of telling people the actual reason eventually led to myself and my ex splitting. Fortunately, I think it was by far the best outcome. I ended up naming her Freja, and she is still the light of my life. For the last year and a half, we've battled hard to get her healthy. She's had her shoulder and jaw realigned, 6 teeth removed due to extreme dental issues, and we've finally managed to get her ear infections under control after 9 rounds of medication and a surgical cleaning. I spent around 5k getting these issues fixed, and I would do it all again in a heartbeat. She has also gone from being extremely underweight (2.6lbs) to a healthy 7.7lbs. She is my baby, whole world, and it's hard imagine what my life would be like without her. Previously she would only eat the worst food you could buy, we've managed to get her to eat premium grade wet and dry food, as well as transition onto eating some real food (fish, chicken). She plays now, loves anything that has feathers, and is always extremely grateful for any new thing she is given, be it a small toy or a new cat stand. She has 2 sisters now, and 2 dog brothers who she loves to terrorise. She has become a "the sky is awake, so I'm awake, so GET UP!" child, no sleep ins allowed. She is my teddy bear and sleeps in a king size bed every night! &nbsp; edit: Here is the info we found on how it ended her relationship. Comment: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16yjjml/comment/k3dq80w/?context=3&share_id=l6HDcDqBkxpbdPwUcsIvZ&utm_content=1&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1 FKAlag: Telling people the previous cat's owner was awful led to your relationship breaking up? You're either dating a very awful person or there's a lot more to this story than we're being told. Reply from OOP: It was a DV relationship, I walked on eggshells for 4 years. Outing the woman who abused my baby to a company that employed half of the town just made it worse. She was on drugs, and so was my ex, I'm just happy to be away from all of that and to have escaped with myself and my girl alive OOP now has a wife who came with 2 cats and a dog. It sounds like the OP has a happy home full of fur and love! **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITA for telling our mutual friends the real reason behind a cat adoption?

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PennyPaparazzi

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/173yfs2/aita_for_telling_our_mutual_friends_the_real/

1741qd6

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Particular-Wolf65 **Originally posted to** r/amiwrong **Am I wrong for not wanting to invite my SIL’s additional partner to my wedding?** Trigger Warnings: >!harassment, emotional manipulation, potential medical illness!< --- &nbsp; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/16kn45m/am_i_wrong_for_not_wanting_to_invite_my_sils/) - **September 16, 2023** My (43F) fiancé (38M) are getting married at the end of next month. It’s a second marriage for both of us, so we’ve agreed to keep it incredibly small and intimate. We’re only inviting 25 of our closest friends and family due to a tight budget and wanting to keep things simple. Fiancé’s sister (42F) is used to being the center of attention, and it’s been a real issue for my fiancé his entire life. She’s the “golden child” and his parents spend most of their time and energy catering to her, from driving her to doctor’s appointments, to cooking and delivering home cooked meals, to paying her bills regularly. His parents even used to pay him to go clean her apartment for her when he was in college. She is often in some kind of “medical crisis”, which I suspect may be Munchausen’s or at least severe hypochondria. Despite all of that, I’ve always had good interactions with her, and we generally get along. The current issue revolves around SIL’s romantic relationships. She’s married to a man that she lives with, and I’ve met several times at holidays and dinners at my future in-laws house. However, SIL also has another partner I’ll call G. G is a older woman who is married to SIL’s cousin, who is also a woman. Everyone in the family is aware of the relationship and it’s been going on for several years. I met G for the first, and only, time this past Thanksgiving. Before we arrived, we were told G was now identifying as “he” and we were all to address them as masculine. Ok, no big deal, especially when I’d never met them before. When we arrived, I was introduced to G, and I was surprised to see them wearing a very revealing dress. I’m not one to body shame by any means, but G is very heavyset and older, and this dress had their breasts spilling out and was short enough to make it obvious they weren’t wearing underwear. This is the way they chose to dress to a family Thanksgiving in a New England November. On top of that, it was obvious both by smell and appearance that they had personal hygeine issues. We then had to spend the rest of the afternoon watching SIL indulge in PDA with G that was really uncomfortable, while she gushed about having “two husbands”. The whole situation was off-putting and impossible to ignore, ensuring SIL was the focus of the day. It was an awkward experience I have no desire to repeat. As stated at the beginning, when we sat down to do our wedding invites, we were focused on keeping the list incredibly short, which left out several people we would have really liked to include. When we gave an invite to SIL, we addressed it to her and her husband. Future MIL told us we needed to invite G as well because of their relationship with SIL. My fiancé told her SIL only got a plus one, like everyone else, and neither my finace or I had any kind of relationship with G. Aside from the fact we both find G incredibly off-putting, and can’t trust they’ll dress or bathe appropriately for a wedding, we know that SIL bringing G will just ensure the focus will be on her and her relationships. My fiancé doesn’t deserve that on his wedding day, and neither do I. We thought the matter was settled, but my finace had a family holiday yesterday at his parent’s house that I wasn’t there for. G was there, once again wearing a very short dress and in obvious need of a shower. My finace made it through the entire evening without the wedding coming up - right until he had one foot out the door. As he was walking out, SIL told him, I have two husbands, and they’ll both be at your wedding. Finace was taken aback, but really had to leave. He plans on sending an email to his SIL and parents explaining that G is not invited to the wedding and they need to respect our decision on that. If it comes down to it, we believe that may mean SIL won’t be coming to the wedding, and could cause a bit of a rift in the family. Am I wrong for wanting to stand our ground and insist G was never invited to the wedding, and is not welcome to just show up? EDIT I’ve been accused of being out of line for misgendering G by using they/them pronouns. To clarify, G asked us to refer to them as “he” at Thanksgiving, but that has been in flux since then. Because we’re not always in the loop about what’s going on with SIL and her partners, we find it’s more respectful to refer to G in gender neutral terms than to risk actually misgendering them. Our issues with G have nothing to do with their gender identity, but the fact that we find them off putting for a variety of other reasons. Future FIL feels the same for the same reasons. The other thing people are taking issue with is SIL’s medical issues and me saying I think she’s a hypochondriac. I am well versed in chronic illness and invisible illnesses. SIL does indeed have some actual health issues. However, she continues to make them worse by constantly going against doctors recommendations, especially regarding her diet. I didn’t want to dig into it, but there is a lot more going on there. Also, oddly enough, accused of being rage bait, and my fiancé interjecting on the thread was me pretending to be him? This honestly made us laugh. And made me a little offended that someone said his writing was too similar to mine. He’s been reading all the comments along with me, and trying to help clarify where he can. Thank you to everyone for their feedback. Fiancé is emailing his family tomorrow about all of this, and this has been helpful with suggestions of what he’s going to say. I’ll update as things progress. &nbsp; **Relevant Comments from OOP:** >**OP:** My finace is honestly the very best man on the planet, and this day is just as important to him. He rarely gets to be the center of attention, and this is the wedding we’ve both always wanted but didn’t get to have the first time around. I honestly offered to elope months ago, but he really wanted us to have a special day with those we care about the most. ***Sad-End-5831:** That was a ride. I think the best case scenario is that SIL is a no-show for all involved. I don't think she is great for your husband's mental health and you both deserve a stress free wedding.* >**OP:** I agree. At this point we’re guessing she’ll be sick with something and not come. We were trying so hard to keep this small and easy - I even suggested we elope. I won’t allow SIL to upstage my fiancé on our wedding day no matter what happens &nbsp; [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/16vqbnd/update_am_i_wrong_for_not_wanting_to_invite_my/) - **September 29, 2023** While my fiancé was trying to figure out what to say to his family about the whole situation, his mother emailed us to make sure we were going to SIL’s birthday and to ask if we were getting excited about the wedding. I told my fiancé he clearly couldn’t wait any longer to address the situation with his family directly. So he emailed them, clarifying SIL only got a plus one to the wedding, and we needed to make sure that was being respected. He also said we didn’t appriciate being told by SIL she would be bringing both of her partners to the wedding without even talking it over or asking us if that was ok. The ensuing meltdown has been ugly to say the least. MIL began spamming my fiancé with angry and unhinged emails, accusing him of being anti-poly, and somehow, antisemetic (his family is Jewish, obviously including him as well). SIL has said she won’t speak to us. FIL advised my fiancé not to respond to MIL until she calmed down. Over the past few days, she’s now emailing him about random garbage, acting like nothing ever happened. FIL asked to talk to finace face-to-face today. I thought it was an odd request as they usually just talk on the phone and we live 3 hours away from them. Finace had to be in the area for work today. My theory was he planned to offer to help pay for the wedding so our budget would be a non-issue. Not the case. He actually told my fiancé that they all though the budget was a big excuse since we hadn’t asked them for any financial help with the wedding. He told his dad the whole reason we didn’t ask for help was because we wanted to keep this small and simple and have control over the guests and not feel obligated to invite people we didn’t want there. I didn’t even invite one of my brothers I don’t get along with. FIL agrees that G presents a lot of issues, and asked if they could convince them to be more appropriate for the wedding, if that would help. My feeling is at this point it’s become such a huge issue, that SIL will go out of her way to make everyone uncomfortable no matter what to prove a point. This is a hill it appears everyone is willing to die on. SIL still won’t talk to us for fear of going “nuclear”. FIL told my fiancé we all have to figure this out, or it’s going to cause a huge rift in their family. I think the damage is already done. No constructive advice was offered. At this point I just want to email them all myself and say it’s a non-issue as SIL is no longer invited. Finace isn’t ready to take that step yet. Still not sure what we’re all going to do, and the wedding is getting closer by the day. I told my fiancé I’m not even excited for this wedding anymore, and I just want to call the whole thing off. I don’t want to spend the rest of our lives having our wedding be the event that tears his family apart. I’m sad and I’m angry and not feeling like celebrating anything. &nbsp; **Relevant Comments from OOP:** ***groovymama98:** NTA* *"FIL said we all have to figure this out, or it's going to cause a rift in our family." But from your description of the family, what he really is saying is, you two need to fall in line and do what sil wants, period. Because when sil isn't happy, it makes mine and your mom's life miserable. So son, it is up to you to give up your expectations of your wedding and make it about sil. Because, you know, she is more important than you even on your wedding day.* *I would get my favorite people and elope!* >**OP:** Yup. All of this. SIL’s wishes are the only ones that matter. I didn’t even mention that MIL told us we couldn’t have chocolate in our wedding cake because SIL is caffeine sensitive. It was already chocolate. Now it’s extra chocolate. &nbsp; **REMINDER – THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP**

Am I wrong for not wanting to invite my SIL’s additional partner to my wedding?

ONGOING

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1741qd6/am_i_wrong_for_not_wanting_to_invite_my_sils/

174bzbb

**I am not The OOP's, OOP's are** u/drumsespressoTama & u/spantney **Stolen Drum Gear - Manchester Area** **Originally posted to r/drums** **Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU** [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/drums/s/PW3AvHaYne)  **July 29, 2023** My good friend u/spantney who’s very active in this community had a lot of his drum gear stolen this weekend while up in Manchester, UK for Radar Festival. Posting here for awareness, if there’s anyone on the secondhand markets, pawn shops, FB marketplace, etc. please keep an eye out if you can and please message u/spantney directly if you spot anything! Mods, I hope this is ok to post. Please share with anyone you know, especially in the Manchester area. Thanks for your help. [Picture of the smashed window on the car and message requesting help](https://imgur.com/a/37FnrNg) **TRANSCRIPT OF THE MESSAGE** spantney Please help me share I'm pretty sure someone tried to steal my car in Manchester last night. l'm up in Manchester for Radar festival. Due to festival logisitcs I had no real choice but to keep my equipment in the car overnight and l've woken up to the following scene. Most of the gear I had in the back has been taken, to the tune of several thousand quids worth. Please keep your eyes peeled for the following: 1 x Tama Starphonic Copper snare drum in a protection racket case 1 x Tama Walnut/Birch drum set in Phantasm Oyster finish minus the bass drum (they couldnt get that out the door) all in pro racket cases 1 x roc n soc cycle throne in red with backrrst 1 x black camera bag with multiple zoom cameras and a samsung S10 smartphone in it. 1 x blue holdall which had loads of misc hardware, tom arms, plus my in ears in it. 1 x Tama snare drum stand 1 x Mapex cymbal boom stand Absolutely, absolutely gutted. If anybody sees or hears anything please let me know. Many thanks, Ant **MESSAGE from u/spantney in the Original Post thread** [Here](https://reddit.com/r/drums/s/8yi219Hc6c) Thanks everyone and the legend u/drumsespresso for posting this up. If anybody sees or hears anything about my stolen gear then please let me know. To all the guys saying it was a rookie mistake...I totally agree with you. Believe me when I say, nobody is kicking me harder over this than myself. I actually think they tried to steal my car, as it had been taken out of the gear I left it in and the ODBII port had been tampered with. Luckily I isolated the battery on my car so the car was dead. They've then helped themselves to all my gear. I'm very fortunate to have been gigging for the best part of 20 years now, and this is the only issue like this I've ever had. I certainly won't be making this mistake again in a hurry. I had a bit of a rough time with the logistics for this show. I couldn't park at my hotel due to the car park being about the same size as a postage stamp. The hotel had 1 working lift and I was on the 6th floor. It would have taken me at least an hour to load the gear in from my car from the car park down the road. So I wrongly chose to chance it and leave the gear in the car overnight. An expensive lesson learned. However its absolutely shocking that such precautions need to be taken because some crackheads fancied all the gear I've worked so hard to acquire. [Update](https://reddit.com/r/drums/s/9sh5HNSD7O)  **Aug 3, 2023** Hey all, I just wanted to give a quick update to my stolen gear, as per the post which good buddy u/drumsespresso put up at the weekend (thread) I'm super happy and lucky to report that almost all of my drums & hardware have been recovered. Some people tried to sell my gear to 2 shops about a mile away from where it was all taken this week. Luckily I'd had the foresight to email all the music & pawn shops I could find within Manchester and warn them that I'd had my gear taken. Unfortunately my EAD module, in ears, cameras and other electronics are not amongst the recovered items which I'm a bit gutted about but even the police have told me that getting anything recovered is an immense rarity, so I'm gonna chalk this one up as an expensive lesson and a least a majority win. Been really humbled by the massive amount of support I've had from all my musician mates, family and the wider drum/music community. These scenarios do showcase both the worst but also the best of humanity and I'm a firm believer there are far more good people than bad. The bad ones just leave a really sour taste in your mouth. Anyway thanks to all who commented on the original post, especially the people who said I was an absolute plank, because they are totally right. Cheers all, Ant X **RELEVANT COMMENTS CONCERNING THE THEIVES AND INVESTIGATION** [Comment 1](https://reddit.com/r/drums/s/HOI4UtN08l) **0ddmanrush** >How did they catch them? **OOP replied** >>The staff in the shops just recognised the gear because of the pictures I'd sent in. Plus the lady who did all the talking apparently didn't seem to know much about drums. The first store has provided CCTV images to the Police and the Police have confirmed that the pair walking around with all my shit were known to the police...career criminals by the looks of it. **MountainGoatAOE** >So... Will they arrest them? It's baffling to me that such people are always "known to the police" for years and they can just keep doing what they do. **OOP replied** >>Yeah I totally get you. With regards to them being arrested, the police have enough evidence to charge these people for handling stolen goods. The police have asked me whether I want to press charges or not. Part of me wants to, but the other part of me just doesn't want to deal with potentially having to go to court hundreds of miles away and the stress associated with it. The likely outcome is they'll get some community service, I might get £100 compensation paid £1 a month for the next 10 years or something like that. Do I want to put myself through it... **SimonLoader** >>>I know it’s a hassle but that’s how people like this get away with it for so long, it’ll be someone else’s gear they’re trying to sell next week. As for what sort of sentence they’d get the police usually build files on people like this so that when they do finally catch them they’ve got more than one crime to charge them with. **OOP replied** >>>>Mate you are 100% right, I'm very torn with what to do. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely 1000% want to make these peoples lives miserable because of the stress and upset they've put me through, BUT I have to be pragmatic about things. I suffer with stress and anxiety quite badly as it is. The police have told me if they charge these people, it will likely go to court. I'll have to go up to Manchester to do this and Manchester is 300 miles away from where I live in the South-East. The police have also said that I'd likely have to get the guys from the stores involved also. One of the shops in question is a smaller family run store from the local area where this happened and they flat out told me to try and not get them involved in anything too deep. Its a shitty situation and I wish I had the time & energy to pursue it all through. * [Comment 2](https://reddit.com/r/drums/s/WJHccV8W4m) **Crafty-Bath3898** >Dude, people suck, glad to hear this update though and ya to get anything back is a rarity! So that is really good to find out, the electronics are a bummer for sure. Damn.... **OOP replied** >>Its weird because some people suck but other people are awesome and got me my gear back! Yeah the electronics is a tough pill to swallow but I'm happy from a financial point of view that its gonna be a lot cheaper for me to just replace those bits than that stuff, plus the kit, plus the hardware, etc. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Stolen Drum Gear - Manchester Area

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Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/174bzbb/stolen_drum_gear_manchester_area/

174bzxa

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/CausticQuandry **Almond smell?** **Originally posted to** r/chemistry **Thanks to u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU** **MOOD SPOILER:** >!mildly uplifting!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/chemistry/s/cehqQpmSXz)  **March 31, 2016** I am a chemical technician specialized in electroplating. I keep smelling almonds. My first thought was that somehow potassium cyanide was mixed with hydrochloric acid but, asI am not dead yet, I'm guessing that is not it. Any ideas? I'm worried but my supervisor isn't answering the phone and the next shift of chem techs will not be here for another 4 hours. I am the only person on this side of the plant but we have a few 3rd shift production employees up front. Should I evacuate everyone or am I overreacting? **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **AuntieMarkovnikov** >If I smelled almonds in an electroplating lab known to use cyanide I would get me and my coworkers out of there. Are there no electronic monitors in place? FYI - I have done a lot of work with HCN. **OOP replied** >>HCN was my first thought. I have had no alarms at all tonight. Doing ph and analysis on my copper strike and copper cyanide solutions atm but nothing seems off at this point. [Update](https://reddit.com/r/chemistry/s/8yYQ25PsDZ)  **Apr 1, 2016** Update- They found the source of the smell. A second shift tech thought it would be a great April Fools prank to put almond extract on the steam lines to my plating tanks. He is of course fired. I have been commended by our safety director and our CEO. Thanks everyone who helped me and I thank god it was just a prank, albeit the most humorless and despicable prank I've ever seen. Edit for those PMing me and for the comments regarding this. Pasting a comment with edits. • Our safety director and the waste water treatment/chemical manager are apparently in some hot water as well. The plant manager and the president are bringing in a third party contractor to see what we need to do to have a safe work environment. We are currently one of the leaders in our industry for safety. Over 6 million work hours since our last incident. We call anything where someone misses a work day for job related injuries an incident. If no work hours are missed then it is just a "close call". As much as management talks about safety it is well known among the ranks that if you get hurt suck it up because they will find a reason to fire you once your better. Here is a personal example. A grate was removed so a cleaner could get under the catwalk on one of our plating lines. The proper safety protocol was not followed and the maintenance gates were not put up. I'm walking along the catwalk, go to squeeze past a carbulator we had going to a nickel tank. Squeeze thru, take a step, and down I go. Fell about 5 feet onto pipes and severely bruised my ribs. If I can find my old phone I'll link a pic. I never missed one day of work and it took a month before I felt better. The guy who did not follow safety protocol was written up but I received a verbal warning for not being observant enough. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** midnight-cheeseater **Organometallic** >Whoever did that is one sick freak. You don't joke about with lethally toxic chemicals. He deserved to get fired - that is really not funny. >Extremely well done to you for taking the initiative and reporting the problem. I wouldn't be at all surprised if you get a promotion sometime soon. **OOP replied** >>I agree. Absolutely nothing funny about what he did. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Almond smell?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/174bzxa/almond_smell/

174c0gb

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/PastelWitchNamedDot **My (25F) boyfriend (27M) was rude to an employee at a store. How do I get him to understand that's not okay?** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Holocaust denialism!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/5Nd16uqoJ1)  **Sept 28, 2023** As the title says, I (25f) and my boyfriend (27M) of a few months were at a store recently. I was looking at a display of fall themed decor they had near the front when an employee came up to us and asked us if we needed help finding anything. She directed it more at him so I didn't answer. But to my shock he answered her with a "shhh" and walked away. The disrespect was off the charts. I work in retail so I've had my fair share of horrible customers but I don't even know how I'd react if someone outright shushed me. He walked off after that and the employee and I were just standing there awkwardly. I apologized to her and then went off to catch up to him. I made us leave the store early because that was so embarrassing. When we got in his car I asked him what he was thinking being so mean and he just said that her voice was too loud. From what he said he didn't even really mean to do that, it just came out as a reaction to her loud, high-pitched voice. I didn't think her voice was too loud but he made it sound like she was impersonating a squeaky toy. I reminded him of all the times I texted him from work and told him about a nightmare customer. He countered that this was different because I'm chill and sweet. He can't stand high-strung people. I countered that he's never seen my customer service persona so he has no idea what I sound like when I'm on the clock. He has no idea what she's really like and probably really hurt her feelings. He asked if we could please just drop this because he was tired. This was in the evening time after dinner. I said fine and he took me back to my place. This was a couple of days ago and we haven't really talked about it since. I can't stop thinking about it, though. Hopefully, he listened to what I said but I'm not too sure. I want to bring this up again and let him know that it's not okay to talk to anyone like this, no matter the location. I also really don't like his reasoning. It feels made up or too immature. I'm someone who dates for the long haul. I'm looking to settle down and start a family. I'm not sure I want to create life with a man who thinks it's okay to be mean to someone just because of the pitch of their voice. They can't help what their voice sounds like. I think another thing that's bothering me about this is: would he have done this if she wasn't on the clock? Like, if she didn't have to worry about being professional and could stand up for herself, would he still have shushed her? I'm thinking not. I really like him and this was out of character. Or I guess, out of character of what I've seen so far. [Update](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/2CQmjh4MSR)  **Oct 3, 2023** So I wasn't thinking I'd make any update, let alone so soon. My plan was to watch and see if being rude like that was normal for him or just a one-time fluke. Fate had other plans, I guess. A couple of days after my post I found out he's a holocaust denier. We were talking about what's going on in Florida and its education system. I asked him if he could imagine not learning about something like the Holocaust. He got quiet and sort of fidgety before stating that a lot of what history says happened is up for interpretation. That snowballed into a pretty big fight. Turns out he's a holocaust denier. He started saying that some stuff doesn't really add up when really examined. I'm honestly having a hard time remembering all the bullcrap he spewed. Like there was something about the Jews and the Allied Forces teaming up against Hitler and making up the Holocaust? Something like that? Conspiracy theory stuff. I dumped him. Like I said in my first post I'm someone who dates for the long term. I'm looking for a life partner. Can you imagine how bad it would've been if I found that out after I was already married to him? Or if I had a kid with him? I've been in a bit of a funk because I really did like him. However, I'm not going to date an antisemite. Let alone an idiot. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My (25F) boyfriend (27M) was rude to an employee at a store. How do I get him to understand that's not okay?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/174c0gb/my_25f_boyfriend_27m_was_rude_to_an_employee_at_a/

174dprf

**I am still not the Original Poster. That is** [u/ThrowRAmissjay](https://www.reddit.com/u/ThrowRAmissjay/). She posted in r/AITAH and her own page. New Post is marked with \*\*\*\*\*. You can find my previous BORU post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13y2fok/aitah_for_breaking_up_my_engagement_because_what/), from 4 months ago. **Trigger Warnings:** >!sex shaming, religious bigotry!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!more hopeful now, but still a sad look at society!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/13ix593/aitah_for_breaking_up_my_engagement_because_what/)**: May 16, 2023** I (26F) am not from USA so I might have some grammatical errors. So, my dad left my mom and I when I was only 5 years old. I also have a brother (21M). He left the country with his mistress and never tried to contact. We were really poor. My mom had to do some immoral stuff to get food on the table. She was a stripper and also sometimes pleased men to get money for us. She put me and my brother through school. I understood why my mom did what she did because we had no money and she wanted us to have a life better than ours. And I am not ashamed because of it. I also started working part time when I was 14. I was a good student so I got a scholarship to a good university. My mom eventually stopped stripping when my brother got a part time job too. She now only works as a waitress. I met my fiancé, Javi (27M) in college. This was my first serious relationship. We both loved each other. I never told Javi about my mom's past because my mom made me promise to never say that to anyone. I kept that but it felt so wrong to keep this huge information away from my fiance. Javi knew about us. He only knew that my family was extremely poor. He doesn't care about that. He is a very sweet guy who always takes care of me. He even covered some of the cost of my brother's education as well even though I told him not to. My mom also likes him, that's why she told me not to tell Javi anything about her past or what she did for a living. So, a week ago, my mom and I went to Javi's house to meet his parents. I didn't realize his uncle and aunt would also be there. Upon seeing his uncle my mom's face went white as if she saw a ghost. His uncle also kept staring my mom as if he knows her. My mom felt uncomfortable and said that she wants to go home. Javi was confused by it. But nonetheless we left earlier than we anticipated. The next day my fiance came to our place and shouted at me that I lied to him. He said that I am a gold digger just like my mother, and my mother is the reason why his uncle's first marriage broke. I asked him to explain what the hell is he talking about. He said that his uncle knew my mom because he was a regular customer of her and often hired her for her services. His wife caught them red handed and immediately filed for divorce. My mom was crying and said that she didn't know he was married, she never asks men about their marital status. I told him that he has no right speak to my mom like that and his uncle was fully to blame because he was a married man who was hiring escorts for himself. My mom has no obligation towards his marriage. Javi still blamed me and mom and said that he felt deceived. He said to my face that he doesn't want to date a "whore's daughter" because I will probably invite men just like my mom. My mom had to beg him to not break the engagement. I am tired. If I do end up marrying him, my mom would always have to suffer because of it. I don't want that, so I gave him back his engagement ring and told him to never show his face. My mom is angry because she thinks this is my only chance to get married because no other guy would marry into a family where the mom works as a sex worker. But I think I did the right thing because I am not ashamed of my mom, I didn't even wanted to hide it in the first place. I wanted to tell him the truth but my mom refused it. So, AITA? Edit: I need to clear things out a bit. Javi knows everything about my life. He knows my dad fled the country and we had to live in poverty because of it. He knows my mom got pregnant way too young. I did give him hints that my mom had to do shady things to get by (he probably thought my mom stole things). But I didn't disclose that she was a sex worker. I wanted to tell him but my mom said not to because she doesn't want this to escalate. Also I never asked Javi to pay for my brother's education. He did it from the goodwill of his heart. I did promise to pay him back. I am not after his money. I do love him a lot. Even though we are broken up now, I still miss him. We have been together for 6 years. It is not easy to throw away those 6 years just like that. ***Relevant Comments:*** *More about culture:* "I know that. And I understand why he is upset. Sex work is heavily criticized in my country to the point even doctors refuses to treat them. I understand his family's stigma especially his uncle was caught with my mom. So, they have a reason to hate her. I hoped that he would be a little bit understanding about our situation. If my mom didn't start working as a stripper, she would have never been able to send us school or college. I did love him a lot." *Can you and your mom go to therapy?* "It is hard to find a good therapist around our area. Yes, I have money now but my mom doesn't want to disclose her past because in the past she was denied care because of her profession." *More about the uncle:* "Everyone knows what the uncle did. I do not have to broadcast it. His uncle was a regular client of my mom. She knew him because he would often hire her and also because his wife slapped and beat her when she found her in his uncle's house." *Some people shame her mom for sleeping with married men as an escort:* "First off all, it is none of my mom's business to tell those men to stop hiring escorts. Do you know that more than half of the men who hire these sex workers are actually married? Are you really telling me that my mom is an asshole for not turning down 50% of those men? Do you know what that means? It means losing 50% of her income. Do you know what it's like to lose 50% of your income? If she refused those services then she would have never been able to keep a roof. Secondly, it's their marriage. My mom is just a service working who provides her services to men who hire her. It is none of her job or business to snoop or tell those men not to cheat. It's that man's ugly character that cheats on his wife with an escort. By your logic a waitress shouldn't serve a married man food because only his wife gets to serve him food and no one else." "Listen my mom was a sex worker. It was her job to offer services to anyone who is willing to pay. Even if she refused to do that, do you think that man who wanted an escort would stop? No, someone else would take that offer. It is not her responsibility to save a marriage that is already broken. She is a sex worker, not a marriage counselor. What she does is business. The man himself doesn't care about his marriage then why should my mom who is not romantically involved with any of them? You offered your judgements it is fine. But I must say your judgements are rather poor because you are blaming a poor woman who only did what she did to put food on our plate. Would you rather she loose more than 50% of her income than care about some random man's marriage that the man himself doesn't care? It is not my mom's job to provide loyalty. It is 100% on the man who hired an escort in the first place." ***This sub doesn't give an overall judgement, but most of the comments were NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/13se8eq/update_aitah_for_breaking_up_my_engagement/)**: May 26, 2023 (10 days later)** Hi everyone. I wanted to say thank you so much for your support. I never thought I would get so much support from strangers than people from my own community. I was however expecting a lot of hate towards my mom considering her profession but it is less than what I expected. I don't know if this qualifies as a proper update but there have been few changes. After I broke the engagement, I have been getting calls from my friends and Javi's family that I am making a huge mistake. My close friends know that my mom used to be a sex worker but mutual friends of mine and Javi does not know about it. So, they are also questioning me if I ever did that. Javi did apologize. He said he got carried away by his emotions and he loves me. Ngl, I love him too. I wanted to get past all of this. I know people have told me that I should not get married to this guy. But I was weak for a moment. Until he told me that he is willing to let things go and start anew if my mom does not attend any wedding functions. I was shocked. Weddings are a big deal in our culture. There are many functions and parties surrounding the wedding. How can he ask that I do not involve my mom. He told me that because of my mom's past it would be difficult for his family members to be around her. He convinced his mom with difficulty about this engagement. Also since his uncle is going to be there, it will only remind him of bad things. At that moment I realized that I was never a consideration. It was always him and making his family happy. My family is beneath them because we are not from a respectable background and come from homes of sex workers. I stood firm and told him no, it is not going to happen. I will not give into their demands because the way I see it my mom did not do anything wrong. It is funny how quickly people will judge a woman based on her work, that she had to do to feed her kids but no one will come forward to help her in time of her need. Javi threatened that I am making a huge mistake by letting him go. I just left. I do not have the energy to deal with it. I think this news is spreading like wildfire now. I may have to move out of the city because if this news reaches to my workplace I know damn well people will ostracize me. So, I might look for job in a different area. Lastly, I messaged him saying I am sorry for not telling him earlier about my mom but I loved him a lot. I am sad that he chose this topic to ruin a 6 year old relationship. I will be going to the bank and pay back the money he paid for my brother's education. I am still crying and jilted to say the least. Also, I saw that my post was shared in different religious groups bashing my mom. Saying that I deserved it. Well, let me tell you religious fanatics that most men who claim to be religious are not at all. My mom had many clients who claim to be religious including pastors and preachers. So please before blaming my mom look inside your house and your family. You might find chameleons hiding within your family too. Edit: People who are asking why I am paying him back, it is because I don't want him to use it as an excuse to call me a gold digger who used him for his money. I don't want to be in his debt. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Can you move elsewhere where people don't care?* "Thanks. I am encouraging my brother to apply for his masters abroad. Even if I missed the window he would be out of here. He won't have to face the scrutiny. And no sex work is legal in here but very much frowned upon especially in our town." *You made the right choice and someone else will be out there* "Thanks, but I wonder if anyone would ever be accepting of my life. Because if they do they might have to face insults and ridicule from the society. Who wants that? I just know even if it hurts, I cannot be with someone who was so disrespectful towards my family." **\*\*\*\*\*New Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16bpeii/new_update_aitah_for_breaking_up_my_engagement/)**: September 6, 2023 (3.5 months later)\*\*\*\*\*** Hello, I don't know if you guys remember me but I posted here like 3 months ago. I am so happy for your support and all the award you guys have given me. I wasn't supposed to come back now. But, I think I needed to make an update on this. But first I need to make a summary just in case you forgot. So basically, my ex-fiancé disrespected my mother because she used to be a sex worker and she did sex work because my sperm donor cheated on her and left her with his mistress to a different country. My ex-fiancé was mad at me and my mom because his uncle used to my mom's client and is one of the reason why his aunt divorced him. Long story short I broke up with him. Now to real update: As I suspected, the news of my mom's old profession did spread like a wildfire. Some of mine and Javi's friends literally cut me off because they don't want to deal with a sex worker's blood. I guess it is for the best because it shows they are not my real friends. My real friends stuck with me. This impacted my brother a lot. I know living here would make things difficult. My brother will be graduating soon, I advised him to look for masters in a foreign country like in USA, Canada or UK. Because of this whole fiasco, I, along with my mom, moved to a new city. I took a transfer from my work. My boss, bless her heart, is the most amazing human being. She literally defended me. She told my coworkers not to bother me about anything other than work. My personal life shouldn't be any of their business. She has been so supportive of me and my family. She never questioned me or judged me. She transferred me to a different city on my request and even managed to find an apartment for me and my mom. She is like Michael Scott but mature. That is the only positive outcome from this. As for my ex, he is seeing another girl his parents set him up with. But he did call the first 2 months just to get me back. I had moments of weakness because I loved him so much but the vile things he said about me and my family just played like a recorder. I am still trying to heal from everything. I just hope I can get my brother out of this hell hole into a better place. People here are fucking hypocrites and backdated. Nobody wants to change. Even people my age are so conservative. There has also been another bomb that dropped on us. That is my POS sperm donor found me on facebook and messaged me to meet. I don't know what the hell does he think that I am going to forget those 20 years we struggled because he was a coward. selfish snake. Thanks for listening

New Update to: AITAH for breaking up my engagement because what my fiancé said about my mom?

NEW UPDATE

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/174dprf/new_update_to_aitah_for_breaking_up_my_engagement/

174dsim

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/GFLicenseThrowaway](https://www.reddit.com/user/GFLicenseThrowaway/). He posted in r/AmItheAsshole Short post. **Mood Spoiler:** >!satisfying ending!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16xln17/aita_for_not_saving_my_gfs_drivers_license_and/)**: October 1, 2023** My (28m) GF (26f) is always late. Always. No matter if it's 5 mins up the road or catching a plane. Before we get into it, no she isn't on the autism spectrum, she doesn't have ADHD or time blindness. She just DAWDLES. ALL. THE TIME. She snoozes her alarm at least three times every morning, then lays there going through her social media. Eventually she gets up and takes a long ass shower, dresses (Which takes her forever, and she usually sits wrapped in a towel on her phone), then lingers over her coffee. 9 times out of 10 she's running late for work, and ends up speeding to make it on time. Naturally, she's gotten a number of speeding tickets. I've tried to help her - eg putting her phone where she can't reach it from bed so she has to get up to snooze it, but she literally just grabs it and goes back to bed. You try to get her to move her ass and she just digs in her heels and takes even longer. Her response to people calling out her lateness is "better late than dead on time". Anyway, again, she was running even later than normal for work, and really had to speed to make it. A week goes by and sure enough, massive speeding fine in the mail. She now has to hand in her drivers license because she's got so many demerit points, she'll be without one for 6 months. Instead of just dealing with it, she TELLS me "I'll need you to cop this one and say you were driving so I don't lose my license" and of course, I refused, telling her she needs to live with the consequences of her actions and maybe she should stop speeding, and wake up earlier. This argument went on for a few days until she finally conceded, then proceeds to tell me "well, you'll have to drive me to and from work until I get my license back", and I tell her I won't be doing that - her work is literally in another direction than my work is from home, and doing so would add another two hours of driving per day. She says it shouldn't matter as my work has flexible hours, but I stood my ground and refused, and said she can take public transport - there's literally a bus stop 2 mins walk from our house and the bus stops maybe 5 mins walk from her work, and it's quite regular, She says she hates public transport and refuses to ride it, so I said then it's Uber for her, or organise a car pool, but bottom line, it's not my responsibility. She called me an AH and is giving me the silent treatment, said a decent boyfriend would go to those lengths for her and that it's only 6 months. So, am I AH for not "saving her license" and refusing to drive her to and from work for 6 months? TL,DR: Gf is always running late, speeds to work, gets caught, loses license, expects me to cop the blame so she can keep her license, I Refuse, she then expects me to drive her to and from work but it's literally out of my way, says I'm the AH. EDIT: We live in Brisbane, Australia for those wondering ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update 1 in** [Comments](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16xln17/aita_for_not_saving_my_gfs_drivers_license_and/k36wnpu/?context=3)**: October 2, 2023 (Next Day)** ADD: Wow! I wasn't expecting such a response, and definitely not everyone being on my side. She told me all her friends think I'm TA, which is a big part of why I came here in the first place. After seeing the responses here, I messaged a few of them... and the ones she actually DID contact said NTA. As for why I'm still with her... I'm starting to question that myself... I've not been really happy with her the last few months and this is starting to make me question the entire relationship. **Update 2 in** [Comments](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16xln17/aita_for_not_saving_my_gfs_drivers_license_and/k39be49/?context=3)**: October 3, 2023 (Next Day, 2 days from OG post)** So today I asked her she looked at the train / bus timetables and she hit me with (paraphrasing) "OMG you seriously aren't going to help me, you really expect me to catch public transport blah blah blah". Reflecting on this and past behaviour, and her attitude towards the whole thing, I'm going to break up with her. Thank you everyone for your help. **\*\*\*\*\* Final Update 3 in** [Comments](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16xln17/comment/k4m4dnw/?share_id=Y76XKzqhNxcHJq2DDH2Yp&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1)**: October 12, 2023** I've certainly had more pleasant experiences in life. She didn't take it well, lots of yelling and screaming, then doing a complete 180 and crying and begging, trying the sympathy card "you know I can't afford a place on my own" (true, I own the house and don't charge her rent), then promising she'll do better and change. I pointed out to her this is not the first, or even the tenth time this has been brought up to her, and that I'm no longer happy in the relationship. I listed a number of issues as well, and she started to call me an arsehole and listed MY issues, to which I responded "well then I guess it IS best if we break up", which didn't go down well. She moved in with a friend temporarily, and I've told her I'm going no-contact, I will let her friend know when she has mail etc delivered here, but for now I think it's best we don't talk to each other. Her friend says she's carpooling to work with a co-worker, but as usual, she's always a few minutes late then the coworker is there to pick her up lol. TBH, it's a massive relief, I didn't realise how stressful being with her truly was until now, and while I'm still down, I think the future is bright ahead

AITA for not "saving" my gf's drivers license and refusing to drive her to and from work?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/174dsim/aita_for_not_saving_my_gfs_drivers_license_and/

174nubs

**I am NOT the original poster.** That is u/Cool_Interest6435. He posted in r/daddit. Trigger Warning: >!child abuse, drugs, abandonment!< Mood Spoiler: >!sad, inspiring, hopeful!< [Getting my teen daughter need tips](https://www.reddit.com/r/daddit/comments/16jg7ia/getting_my_teen_daughter_need_tips/): September 15, 2023 Hi dads, when I (m32) was a teenager I dated a girl “K” One day K broke up with me out of the blue with no explanation. Fast forward 15ish years later. The police showed up at my apartment Long story short K was pregnant with my kid 15 years ago. She got charged with a bunch of drug charges and when they asked if her daughter could go to any family she said I was the dad. Well after a paternity test, I do have a 15 year old daughter with K. So my daughter Is going to come live with me today. I'm not a “dad” I don't have kids or a significant other, just dogs. So I'm pretty clueless when it comes to being a dad or taking care of a kid especially one who's a teenager. After talking with her social worker, she says she's K was neglectful to my daughter and isn't going to be used to being taken care of or having structure which will be a big adjustment for her. The social worker says I need to be patient with her and just show her love and support even if she doesn't want it. I have a room all ready for her in my apartment It is pretty basic because I didn't want to overwhelm her. So yeah she's coming today… just hoping for some support maybe some tips. ***Responses from OOP in comments:*** **Commenter:** Start by talking to her. Let her know you're here for her. Get to know her, and then support her interests and hobbies. Let her decide how she wants to decorate her room. It's a bit more work starting from the middle like you are, because you weren't there to learn who she was as she was figuring it out herself. Make the environment safe and welcoming to her, and give her the privacy she needs. She's not in a position she needs someone to come down hard on her, she's in a position she needs someone that she knows she can turn to no matter what is wrong. **OOP:** I met her twice definitely more difficult starting from the middle it would be a lot easier with a little kid or baby I know this is a big adjustment for both of us so I'm not going to try and go all strict dad on her it's more about support I think \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **Commenter:** You don’t want to be overly strict, but most kids (even teens who swear they don’t) do better with structure. Don’t go overboard scheduling her day, but create firm and reasonable boundaries and stick to them. Especially anything related to health and safety, like curfews, vetting people she hangs out with, etc. **OOP:** Yeah that's what her social worker was saying the best thing she needs is to have some structure \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **Commenter:** Holy hell. Welcome to the club in the craziest way possible, I guess. First things first, I can tell you that you're probably not going to want to do this alone. You're going to want as many other people on your team as possible. This is going to be a HUGE adjustment for both of you. The difference is, she's coming into it with half as much life experience and no base of support at all. Don't try to take this on alone. Second, if I were to put myself in your shoes, I'd say that the one thing I'd try to remember over everything else is empathy. It's going to be tough, but think about everything this kid has been through. Also remember that this is your chance to be [what sounds like] the first positive influence on this kid's life. You could honestly be the difference between whether this girl's life goes in a positive direction or a negative one. I know that's not exactly fair to you, and it's a ton of pressure, but this is your chance to step up and do what may end up being one of the most important things you've ever done in your life. That's the role of a dad in a nutshell, really. You're the person who's going to model what a man should be. You'll mess up, it'll be tough, and sometimes you'll feel like a complete failure, but if you show up, care, and support her as best you can, then you'll be okay. Good luck, man. You can do it. **OOP:** Damn that's a lot of pressure 😅😅 My parents definitely plan on helping out a lot and I have a few close friends who are willing to help out I want to be a good role model for her because she deserves to have that \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **Commenter:** Make sure you have menstrual supplies on hand - pads and tampons at a minimum. Once she’s settled in, start by taking her to Target to get some toiletries and nice things for her room. Let her pick out bedding and some decorations she likes so her room feels more homey. This would be a good way to start chatting a little while having a distraction to make both of you more comfortable. Treat her to a sugary drink from Starbucks while you’re at it. Don’t be afraid of awkwardness; teens are accustomed to adults being corny and earnest, so just lean into that and pretend it isn’t totally weird. Edit: also if it’s available to you, get her into therapy. It might take awhile to get an appointment, so be prepared for a wait **OOP:** My mom was helping me get stuff ready so I already got pads and tampons for her, I plan on taking her shopping sometime this weekend If she wants to… I'm honestly prepared for the awkwardness because we don't know each other \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **Commenter:** Definitely avoid drinking or substance use if you do/enjoy it. If her mother was heavily involved you want to be the exact opposite. I know it’s an awkward way to meet your child but show excitement!!! Let her know how happy you are to have her in your life after having no clue she existed. Ask her what she needs from you!!! Let her know you want to support and be the best for her that you can but you need help because you’ve never parented before and don’t know the person she really is. Be GENUINE and kind. In as many ways as possible try to figure out what you guys can bond over and do together to form that relationship!!!!!! I’m proud of you for stepping up and not being a deadbeat dad. Keep your head up and look at this for what it is. A POSITIVE! You get your daughter in your life AND get to be a great influence on her. **OOP:** Yeah I occasionally drank and I figured it would be best to stop doing that for a little while because of everything with her mom I am honestly both nervous but excited to be a part of her life I never thought I would start of being a dad to a 15 year old instead of a baby but I'm happy to have her honestly even if I don't know what I'm doing \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ [The past few days with my daughter now living with](https://www.reddit.com/r/daddit/comments/16mxdj4/the_past_few_days_with_my_daughter_now_living_with/): September 19, 2023 I (32) posted on Friday that my daughter (15) was coming to live with me. Who I had no idea about until her mother went to jail on a bunch of drug charges. It has been a big adjustment for both my daughter and myself. I told her when I first picked her up that I know this is very new for both of us so I know it's going to take some time to adjust. She has been through a lot from what I can tell. She's very underweight, and not used to constantly having meals. I put a snack bin in her room so she hopefully doesn't feel the need to hide food at least stuff that isn't supposed to be left out. I told her she could get food from the kitchen whenever she wanted but that seemed to overwhelm her so it's now a snack bin. I also have breakfast and dinner (lunch on weekends) at a consistent time so she just knows a meal is going to happen. She also has nightmares and screams, of course, she hasn't told me what they're about (I don't expect her to yet) but whatever it was it was it was traumatic for her. So I'm in the process of finding a therapist for her. For some more positive things, I got her to open up enough to find out some things about her. Firstly, she loves my dogs we took them on a walk together. She's smart loves to read. And she likes to play basketball. I of course told her some stuff about me.she's pretty quiet and reserved. I expected her to not be really open with me considering I am a stranger to her. But things so far aren't too bad going relatively well. ***Responses from OOP in comments:*** **Commenter:** You are doing awesome, Dad. She has safety and security in what appears to be the first time in a long time, maybe ever. If I may, though, I’d like to give you a heads-up about something. I had a friend at work some years ago who was in the same boat as you. He had acquired custody over his daughter when her mom was imprisoned (but in this case it wasn’t a drug charge, it was vehicular manslaughter for hitting a pedestrian while driving drunk). He first learned she existed when mom was in trial and his first time to actually meet her was when mom was already in prison. A few months after he was looking after her, she ran away. They found her, she’s safe and back with him, so that’s all well and good. After some therapy it came to light that all the positive, supportive, affirming, safe environment was so alien to her that it scared her and she ran away because she didn’t know what to do. She was not used to having it, so she didn’t know how to handle it and respond to it being there, and there was also an element of being afraid it was too good and would all disappear or be taken away. I wanted to give you a heads up that those same concerns and fears may read their ugly faces in your daughter’s mind, too. Encourage her, but don’t push her further than she’s comfortable with. You seem to already have that down, I’m happy to see, since the free access to food was overwhelming so she has a snack bin for now. Excellent awareness and instincts, Dad. You got this! **OOP:** Thank you for bringing this up \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **Commenter:** Alright dad, so far so good, keep it up. Now I'm probably going to bring the mood down a bit because my work experience has severely jaded me. If you're daughter's mom is a severe drug addict the likelihood that your daughter was physically or sexually abused is really high. It's not uncommon for druggie moms to either outright sell their daughters or simply not give a fuck what happens to their daughter as long as they are getting high. Now hopefully nothing like that has happened to your daughter, but on the off chance it has you need to be prepared for her disclosing to you. Ideally she'll disclose to her therapist first, but my experience says the first real trusted adult is who they are going to tell. That'll likely be you. If she discloses the best thing you can do for her is just listen. Don't ask questions, just sit there and acknowledge what she's saying. Now if she has disclosed to you, the majority of states require that you notify social service and law enforcement, you're gonna have to tell her you gotta report this. That news is probably gonna hurt her, so make sure you do it in a manner she knows you care and is ultimately in her best interest. Also your goal is to listen, acknowledge, and inform her your required to disclose all in one setting. If you get that accomplished, you can ask her something like "anything else you want to tell me right now?" and if she say no, then leave everything be, and don't reapproach her about the topic. If she wants to come back and talk about it some more, again just listen, but never prompt her to talk about it. Once she discloses and you report it, DSS/Law enforcement will take over and do their thing, your job from that point on is to support her. Again I hope something like this hasn't happened to her, but it's better to be prepared than blindsided. Source: cop who investigates child sex abuse cases and is a forensic interviewer. **OOP:** Thank you, I definitely want her to feel comfortable enough to tell me things but I'll never force it and of course just listen to what she feels comfortable saying \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ [Good but sad moment with my daughter](https://www.reddit.com/r/daddit/comments/16vu575/good_but_sad_moment_with_my_daughter/): September 29, 2023 So probably a lot of you guys seen the post about me (m32) recently finding out about my 15 year old daughter and getting custody of her. Well things have been going pretty good so far, today she was sitting in the kitchen doing homework and once she finished she started playing with my dogs but left a few papers out after putting the rest away I asked what those are she said oh just some test I had this week… I asked if I could see them. She said sure she had gotten A’s on 3 test (chemistry, history, and geometry) after being at the school for less than 2 weeks. I was honestly very impressed not because I don't think she's not smart but because She just started at a new school and is having big life adjustment. I told her that was amazing and ended up going on about how at her age I didn't care about the school aspect of school just cared about sports and my friends. She said I enjoy learning and reading it helps me get away from life... Then it hit me it was her way of escaping from the assumingly not good life with her mom and focus her mind on something else like learning and reading. It honestly makes me really sad to think about… ***Responses from OOP in comments:*** **Commenter:** Celebrate the wins, dad! Showing encouragement and interest in her academic success/talent will only help her treat it as a positive gift rather than an “escape.” **OOP:** I could tell she is used to not getting encouraged or at least told a good job because she kept saying yeah but it's no big deal \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **Commenter:** You’re doing a wonderful thing. Keep it up. In the first post you said you aren’t a dad, but you totally are. You’re doing all the good dad things. Your last update was really wonderful about how you are giving her psychological safety with food and now here with complements to her work. She sounds like she’s a great kid who has been through some awful times. Stick with her through thick and thin and let her know you will always be there for her, and that you love her always, even when you may be fighting or disagreeing. One important tip I’ve used often in my life is to never end a fight without saying that you still love them. It offers a lot of emotional support when they are having a tough time. It works wonders with my kids **OOP:** Thank you… I still don't think of myself as a dad honestly I think that just comes with time though doing “dad” things \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **Commenter:** Mom lurker chiming in....You are a damn fine Dad!!!! Seriously proud of you! Keep listening, encouraging, helping, and building trust. You're Dadding. She is very lucky to have you in her life. She has had a rough beginning, that can't change. However she has a successful future now thanks to you. She knew school, books, and learning were always there for her. Now she is learning you will be there for her encouraging her every step of the way. 💜 this mom is happy for you both 💜 **OOP:** Thank you, I honestly feel lucky to have her in mine as well she's a good kid just been through a lot which even though I don't know the details it makes me sad to know she had to go through tough things at such a young age \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **Commenter:** I appreciate your updates. Keep it up, keep being there for her. As she gets more comfortable with you and feels more at home she may start to push boundaries and initiate conflict. It could get complicated but stick it out. She'll need it. **OOP:** I know that will be really difficult but I know it's because she's just not used to being cared about or just having more overall life stability and will want to see what she can get away with possibly \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **Commenter:** I love reading these posts. You are doing all the right things and have a good sense of how to react. I’m sure you’ll have tough patches but always appreciate the successes. And encourage her to treat the good grades as successes even if she just thinks it’s expected. Don’t overdo it because you want it to be expected. Just don’t ever undervalue her hard work. **OOP:** thank you, I definitely don't want her to think I expect it as long as she tries I'm fine... She might put pressure on herself when it comes to grades though \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ [Daughter broke my heart](https://www.reddit.com/r/daddit/comments/16zb663/daughter_broke_my_heart/): October 3, 2023 I (m32) have been posting on here kind of a lot recently. Basically, I recently not only found out but also got custody of my 15 year old daughter. Even though I don't know a lot just based on speculation her mom wasn't a good mother and the poor girl has been through a lot. Earlier we were out to eat because I didn't feel like cooking and I found out my daughter never had tacos. So we went out for tacos, and we were having a very casual conversation until a mother with her two young daughters (I would say both girls under 10) came in you could just tell the girls were having fun with their mom and all 3 just clearly loved each other. Well, my daughter got quiet and kept staring at them. I didn't want to pry so I kept quiet. She didn't say anything until randomly on the drive home she said sometimes it's hard seeing girls have a good relationship with their mom… I get jealous because my mom and I never did. Then she started crying and let me know she wanted to be left alone the rest of the night. It was hard seeing her cry and upset it is also difficult to know even though I'm now around in my daughter's life and I'm trying to be a good parent. she still spent the first 15 years of her life not having a good relationship with her mom and I can't fix that I wish I could but I can't which sucks because she didn't deserve to be neglected and possibly abused. I'm just in my feelings and really sad for my daughter. ***Responses from OOP in comments:*** **Commenter:** It’s amazing that she’s already so open with you. You must be doing something right. Keep it up, dad **OOP:** She just randomly will say stuff then shut out for like at least a few hours and not talk I don't know if it's because she feels safe but then feels weird about talking how she feels or what it is \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **Commenter:** I’ve been following your updates. How has your relationship been going with her? How have you been doing? **OOP:** Okay I definitely feel like I've grown attached despite living a very different life compared to before having my daughter around and having to change really fast I can tell she's a good kid seems like she has big goals but I can also tell she has a guard up constantly just By how she carries herself and how she acts We mostly talk about my dogs, basketball, and football. I've shared stuff about me and she's shared what she wants about herself \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **Commenter:** Give her a hug and be there for her. **OOP:** She Actually hates hugs or being touched in general luckily I didn't find that out the hard way but from her social worker... But that just another sign with abuse \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **Commenter:** Just wanted to say… I have a 16 almost 17 year old daughter. Our situations are different but from what I can somewhat tell their moms are the same. My daughters mom was an absolute deadbeat drug addict who only appeared in her life when it was time to go to court and try and screw things up. Long story short I have full custody of her since she was around 10. My daughter feels the same way as your daughter does. In fact my daughter goes into some pretty dark places whenever she thinks about her mom or whenever mom tries to communicate with her. If she’s having trouble or issues I generally know it’s because that side of the family is at it again. I’m just posting to say I understand and it sucks. Don’t be discouraged… yes you might have missed out on the earlier years but you guys have a lifetime to establish a good bond, and as someone who has both younger and older kids, there are some really cool things you get to do with your older kids that you can’t do with em while they are young or they will enjoy much more as an a older kid. **OOP:** I'm sorry about your daughter's mom I can tell my daughter's mom is a very touchy subject for my daughter thank you I'm going to try and make up for the years of not being around I did explain I didn't know about her and that's why me not being around wasn't a choice I made \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **Commenter:** Dammit Dad! You are killing it! You are there now. Tacos? Check! Ask her what else she missed out on and do it! **OOP:** I feel like she missed out on a lot of normal childhood experiences which makes me sad for her \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ ***Flaired as Ongoing as OOP is continuing to post updates fairly regularly.***

Guy has to figure out dad stuff on the fly when cops inform him he fathered a daughter 15 years ago

ONGOING

piercingeye

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/174nubs/guy_has_to_figure_out_dad_stuff_on_the_fly_when/

174otu6

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/DollarVanDollarVan **in** r/relationship_advice trigger warnings: >!neurodivergent behaviour!< mood spoilers: >!positive!<   [**My \[38F\] fiancé \[37M\] only realized that he can’t find his passport the night before our honeymoon and now we can’t go.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/16k1frg/my_38f_fianc%C3%A9_37m_only_realized_that_he_cant_find/) **- 16th September 2023** Some context: a family member gifted this trip to us for our wedding. It’s the only “nice” thing we’re doing for the occasion because otherwise we’re going to just go to the city hall and have dinner with family. After this years’ ongoing strike (you can guess the industry) and a bad financial year before that, I’ve been the sole breadwinner and while he’s been very helpful around the house, it’s starting to breed resentment and fear in me. I’m so nervous that this event will only be gasoline on that fire. Could you please give me some perspective, Reddit? My fiancé is so kind and we get along so well and I love him dearly, but these lapses in judgement are beginning to grind me down. This was the kind of trip that we’ll never be able to afford on our own, so I’m feeling this hard. TLDR my fiancé only looked for his passport the night before our honeymoon and can’t find it so now we can’t go because we’re tight on cash and this was a gift. Please help me not go insane.   [**Update 1: The Following Morning (Same Post )**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/16k1frg/my_38f_fianc%C3%A9_37m_only_realized_that_he_cant_find/) **- 17th September 2023** First of all, thank. you to everyone who wrote such kind advice and also thank you to those of you who called him irresponsible because you're really appealing to the anger in me right now. I wrote this post in the middle of the night as we were still looking for the passport. Hope remained that we might find it, We did not. It's the weekend, so there's no chance of getting it until Monday. We called one agency and they said that they no longer do day-of passports after covid, but there's a chance that we might be able to get into the federal office on Monday/Tuesday. I honestly should have gone alone, but the one detail I left out above is that his aunt and her family were also going to be on this trip and I felt uncomfortable joining them without him. Will update Reddit on whether or not I end up making it on Tuesday. I'm still really emotional and am perhaps not acting too rationally right now, but I'll let you know whether I end up making it or not. I'm also not going to lie — I've said many, many things that I regret.   [**Update 2: Later That Evening (Same Post)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/16k1frg/my_38f_fianc%C3%A9_37m_only_realized_that_he_cant_find/) **- 17th September 2023** While I spent most of my morning continuing to indulge in self-pity and anger that I was not arriving at an all-inclusive five star resort but instead was waking up to a dimly lit apartment, torn apart from us searching for the passport just hours before, I did manage to eventually turn the day around when a mid-day group therapy session (our first, actually!) really did turn the day around. Few points below + some good news to wrap everything up at the end. After therapy we continued to talk out some of the major themes of this mishap — his lack of preparation, how this ties into how hard it's been that he's not working (btw, he does actually work/proactively look for work, its just that he's in a very difficult industry and there's some complexity that I won't get into), how I tend to catastrophize and — as many of you have pointed out — should continue to consider how making marriage work means working with each other's strength and weaknesses. Also, wanna call out that he has only travelled internationally as an adult once before so there was a certain amount of ignorance that's forgiveable on his end + we're both neurodivergent creative types so... this is the type of behavior I need to come to expect and decide if I can put up with. I think... I can? I just need to be more proactive about helping him in spots where he's weak versus judging him and testing him to see if he'll succeed. Since many have asked — Yes, he did apologize and admit to his role in this situation (it's all his fault lol). He keeps assuring me that he'll make it up to me throughout the week. His aunt emailed and told us that it all worked out in the end — she gave the room to another family member, our flight was refunded, and she assured us that she'll reschedule the trip whenever we're ready. I am however punishing him by forcing him to allow me unlimited reign over the TV. BBC historical miniseries are on the slate for the rest of the weekend! I'm also trying to figure out if I should go back to work later this week or take all these days off. Hmmmmm..... Thank you to all of you who replied below, I'm far too zonked out to respond to you all, but I appreciate those who gave me some very valuable passport/travel tips, made me feel seen, and/or reminded me that sometimes humans do stupid things. <3 &#x200B; **Comments** **User1:** *My partner didn’t look for his passport till the morning of our honey moon to France. It was 5.30 am. He couldn’t find it- he just had an expired one.* *To his shock I was pretty calm. I told him to go to the airport with me. They marked us as “arrived” but we weren’t allowed to board. We then went straight to the passport office and stood outside the doors til they opened. Got an emergency passport by 12 noon.* *Then we rebooked the flight for the next day (because we turned up at the airport we actually were allowed to transfer with minimal extra costs). So we missed a day of our honey moon.* *Edit: We got an “urgent passport” not an emergency passport. At the time this happened they had a rapid access service - they did charge a priority processing fee.* &#x200B; >**OOP:** Neither of us were exactly calm through this, haha. I admire your ability to think rationally during a stressful event. I know that I reacted so strongly because of the underlying issues in our relationship and circumstances, > >After the emotional hurricane that wrecked our apartment last night passed through and we could communicate, we did explore the possibility of using a passport service (one day is no longer possible post-covid to the agent we talked to) or going to a federal office through a local congressman who takes request. At best, we'd be able to make it out on Tuesday, and we were going to try to make that happen. > >Ultimately, his aunt emailed with news that she had given the room to another family member (update: I didn't mention before that we were going w/ his fam bc I was trying to keep details vague) but that she'd love to book us with a new trip when we're ready. (This aunt is incredibly generous, and tbh I'd be more hesitant to take her up on it if she hadn't made it all thru pharma lobbying). I think I'm ..... okay with this situation! Plus, this way we'll end up going alone. > >I MOST appreciate replies like yours bc it makes me realize that other dudes have made this same mistake. I was absolutely having a pity party about how irresponsible it is, but it feels a lot more freeing to move forward acknowledging that humans make mistakes sometimes and the next move is to make the best of it. &#x200B; **User2:** *We tried this when my wonderful husband did something similar (dogs chewed the passport and we were denied due to damage). They switched our flight to the next day, and we spent at least 12 hours on the phone calling every passport office on our side of the country to get an appointment. We would wait on hold for half an hour, agent would then tell us if anything was open (usually not) and then we’d have to start over. The closest emergency office to us is 1.5 hours away, but it’s appointment only. They actually tell you they will NOT accept people who come to stand in line. I’m not sure when or where you got an emergency same day passport right in the airport, but it doesn’t work like that in the US anymore.* &#x200B; >OOP:The plan was to go through our local rep's office to get an appointment at the local federal office (since we did call a passport agency and they explained — like you said — that they no longer do same days). So, we were gonna wait til Monday and buy a ticket for Tuesday (leaving us with a 4 day hm which isn't the worst, ya know?), but *THEN* his aunt reached out saying that the room was taken by another fam member but she'd get us a new trip in the future. > >Admittedly, I am processing all of these recent events with unrestricted daytime sofa-edible-time so who knows how I'll feel later, but atm I'm happy with how this has all shaked out. > >also, major props for waiting on hold that long, I would absolutely *not* have the patience for it, no matter how much my fate depended on it &#x200B; **User3:** *Did he learn his lesson?* >OOP:He claims that he has learned his lesson but time will tell! I will be a petty tyrant in our household until he submits a request for a new passport. &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My fiancé only realized that he can’t find his passport the night before our honeymoon and now we can’t go.

CONCLUDED

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/174otu6/my_fiancé_only_realized_that_he_cant_find_his/

174qtnt

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Reasonable_Bat5495 in r/TrueOffMyChest** trigger warnings: >!possible cheating!< mood spoilers: >!bit confusing, maybe wholesome!< --- &nbsp; [**Concerned my daughter may have caught my husband cheating**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1646d3o/concerned_my_daughter_may_have_caught_my_husband/) - 29 August 2023 I just tried posting this in an infidelity group but my account is too new. Im going to try to post this here even though I know this isn’t an actual advice page. I was bathing our two daughter (5 and 2) about a week ago. When I was drying them off, my daughter was talking about being naked and how you’re only naked in private and for things like taking a bath. I told her yes that’s true. Then she said “that lady was naked on daddy.” I was confused. “What do you mean?” “Daddy and that lady were naked there.” She pointed to our bed. Wtf? I asked her who the lady was and she shrugged like she obviously didn’t know. I can’t think of what possible scenario she could have seen that could have been misconstrued as a naked woman on my husband. My mind was kind of blown and I can’t stop thinking about what she claims she saw. He’s on his phone a lot. Always texting people. I haven’t asked him why he always has his phone glued to him, even in the shower. I feel uncomfortable demanding he hand over his phone. He gets up very early to go to the gym now. Going to the gym isn’t new for him, but he used to go after work. Now sometimes he goes before work and after work, supposedly. He is constantly horny and has been for the past few months. I’ve asked him what’s wrong with him. He says he doesn’t know, but it’s like he’s 18 again and he’s constantly getting hard and can’t stop thinking about sex. He never had a problem in this area but he was also never like this. He’s become obsessed with sex and constantly wants it. At first it was flattering and I felt desired and he wanted it seemingly from me so often that I never imagined he could be cheating. Now I’m wondering why did he suddenly go from being a normal man with a normal health sex drive to being like a teenage boy? None of these things by itself is super suspicious, other than what my daughter said. She doesn’t know anything else and had nothing further to share with me about what she saw or what daddy was doing and I don’t want to involve her any further. What would you make of this? Do you think I’m being overly suspicious? Should I just come right out and ask him what in the hell our daughter was talking about? I’ve thought about it but if he has something to hide I don’t think he’ll admit it to me that easily. Thank you for any help with this one. &nbsp; [**My daughter might have caught my husband cheating follow up**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/16ad86q/my_daughter_might_have_caught_my_husband_cheating/) - 5 September 2023 I posted about a week ago about my daughter making a strange statement about a naked woman on top of daddy in our bed. The original post can be found on my profile. Sorry, I don’t have the energy to recap it all right now. I was overwhelmed with how many comments it got and was unable to respond to most of them there. This past Friday night I brought it up to my husband. I didn’t really want to bring our daughter into it but I felt like mentioning this strange thing she said that she saw would be the least accusatory way to bring it up. Like “You’ll never guess what she said…” His reaction was just to laugh, but it was a genuine laugh, not a nervous laugh. He said “Yeah, probably when she peaked in the door like 2 weeks ago, but you were busy.” He was laughing the whole time he told me this. He said “That time it took me like 30 minutes to finally come, that’s why. I lost it.” He didn’t want to tell me he lost it and had to “get back in the zone” if you will because he knew I would have jumped off and ran to see what she needed. For that I’m a little upset with him. What if she needed something, felt sick, was scared? He claims she peaked in the door and immediately left, that he had noticed the door crack open but she left and he didn’t want to interrupt what we were doing to say “Guess who just peaked in here.” I don’t know if I believe it completely because I still think it’s crazy that I could have been that into it that I wouldn’t hear the door open. Logistically, yes my back would have been to the door if I was on top and he could have easily tilted his head so that she could 1) see if was him and 2) he could have seen that she was there and then left. How would she assumed it was some random naked lady? He says I don’t use my mommy voice during sex, it was dim in the room, she only peaked it, and was probably very confused and wouldn’t imagine her mommy would be naked and doing whatever weird thing she just saw me doing, acting so funny. I kept telling him I didn’t believe him, I didn’t believe him. He was insistent on yes it happened and I didn’t notice, I was really enjoying myself, and he’s sorry if it makes him an asshole for not stopping me so I could run after our daughter who probably needed nothing and just wanted to come sleep in our room which she frequently does. He was like “Seriously? You think I’m cheating on you and that I’d bring somebody here when I was alone with our daughters?” He handed me his phone. I told him I didn’t want to look at it. He insisted I look at it and go through everything to “prove himself.” I asked him what about his increased sex drive? He claims he doesn’t know why he’s so horny all the time, he’s just been working out a lot, eating healthy, and he claims he’s just super attracted to me lately like I got even more attractive to him since I gained like about 10 pounds. I asked him about the multiple gym trips per day. He told that’s just what works for his schedule right now and he just had a routine he’s really into, but he can change it if it bothers me that much. I asked him if he’s on anything. He was like “On any what?” I said “Anything that could enhance your results at the gym and also make you super horny.” He said “fuck no! I wouldn’t take any of that stuff.” I asked him about my pubic hair. Why so opinionated about it after YEARS of not caring. He said it has absolutely nothing to do with anyone else. I removed way more hair than normal sort of by accident not too long ago, like a few months ago, and he said he thought it was really hot, just something different and fun and it felt really good. He seemed to be hurt that I thought he might be cheating but also found it ridiculous and almost humorous. I have to admit that I don’t feel 100% about it but that might say more about me than it does about him. Im not going to install nanny cams or hire a PI. Im going to try to do what I should do, which is to trust that he’s telling me the truth. **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP thinks her daughter may have caught her husband cheating

CONCLUDED

ScarletWitch912

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/174qtnt/oop_thinks_her_daughter_may_have_caught_her/

174qxcu

I am not the OP. These posts were made by u/throwrabroadsprec with the latest update being posted on October 2, 2022 posted to the bottom of the update on her personal subreddit Trigger Warning: >!child molestation, physical abuse!< [First Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/we3l7z/fiancem24_opened_up_about_childhood_trauma_but/) **(August 2nd, 2022)** Our wedding is a few months off, but I want to state I have no issue delaying it at all. He (Nick) was my best friend long before we started dating, and he's been there for me when I was going through stuff too. I lost my job due to layoffs in 2020, and it was an office job I was hoping to move up in. I had been there for a few years, but covid did a number on the company that led to many of us being released. I started as an intern, and it destroyed me when I was released. Nick was there for me when it happened and was amazing, and he helped me apply for other jobs too. I moved back with my parents after rent became too high (I lived alone at the time), but he spent so many nights applying together and texting me job openings. And on other nights, he'd bring snacks or flowers or movies to get my mind off of it in the early stages. Eventually, I found a new job, and he even sent flowers as a surprise one day too because I was nervous and uneasy about starting over. I brought him games and concert tickets (after finding work) to try and give back after how he helped me through that time, and I feel we became closer because of it The reason I'm writing this is because of a recent conversation. We have been looking for apartments the past few months, but he told me that we needed to talk. We talked two days ago, but I'll give some context first. He has been no-contact with his parents since 18 when he moved out with a roommate and roomate's then-girlfriend. We both attended a Christian school, and I knew that his parents were overly-strict with him back then. He was even hit for keeping friends they didn't like, and he had wanted to move out for some time. His roommates were two years older than him, and he stayed with them for almost two years until they became engaged and wanted to move elsewhere, and Nick had a job to rent a room by that time. His roommates are great friends with us, and they even prolonged moving out together until Nick was ready. But when he wanted to talk, it was about his parents I didn't know what he wanted to talk about, but when he said his parents, I was a little surprised. He seemed uncomfortable from the start too, but he said he wanted to apologize for something too. When I asked what for, he said he "should've said it earlier" but that he was "afraid of losing me". He also called himself selfish and was really hard on himself, but he said he "wasn't sure if he'd be able to satisfy me" because he "hated himself" among other things too. When I asked him why, he said he did "before high school" and that he was getting anxious leading up to our wedding. He told me that his parents made him feel that way, and he also reached out to a therapist too who suggested being honest with me. His parents were really strict about purity growing up (and I knew that), but this was the first time he was specific because he was ashamed of telling anyone (said he even struggled to tell the therapist). His parents used to hit him for finding stains in his laundry when he was as young as 13, and they told him that that was the "same as committing adultery". They also told him that masturbating would "destroy his family and future marriage", and they would have random checks of his bedsheets along with laundry too He eventually got around them by doing laundry at night, but they also put a camera in the bathroom to make sure he wasn't masturbating too, and he said they had a video of him masturbating along with using the restroom. They also used to check his private area randomly too, and he began to sleep on his back because he felt guilty for feeling pleasure while he slept. He became better as he grew older, and we've made out on many occasions. He also previously said he wanted to save sex for when we were married (he is not religious in any way now), but admitted it was because he was "afraid of letting me down" because he was convinced he'd never get married. When I asked him why he thought that, he said he read things about purity "ruining intimacy" and that he was afraid of not being enough. I told him that I loved him regardless of anything and that I was so sorry for everything he told me. I also told him that I didn't think less of him for not saying it (until reaching out to a therapist) because it was really difficult, and I told him that it was good to reach out to a therapist too However, he believes he'll "never overcome it" and that "people like him shouldn't get married". I tried to tell him to not be so hard on himself, and I told him that I thought nothing less of him too. If anything, I said I thought more of him for reaching out for therapy. But he said he was miserable because "everyone said he had great parents" growing up and that they wouldn't believe him. He recorded some of the lectures/punishments his parents gave him (on his phone), but believed it wasn't enough to do anything legally. He also said he was unsure of pursuing it (and breaking no-contact) and was debating working on himself with his therapist instead. I told him that the choice was his and that I'd support whatever he wanted to do. But I felt that my words couldn't make him feel better even when I hugged him because of everything he went through I don't know how to make him feel better, and that's why I'm asking for help. It's not about the wedding; I want to help him. I'm considering suggesting postponing it indefinitely so that it doesn't make him feel anxious or rushed, and I honestly don't care when it happens. I just want him to get past the belief that people raised on purity shouldn't get married as he said, and I don't care how long that takes. But aside from suggesting to postpone, is there anything else I can say or do too? We hung out at his place yesterday, but we just watched TV and he wasn't ready to talk about it again. He said we could in a couple of days, but he was really quiet and just wanted to chill yesterday, and he has another therapy session coming up too. I really appreciate any suggestions and if you read all of that [First Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/wipvb0/update_fiancem24_opened_up_about_childhood_trauma/) **(August 7th, 2022)** The main thing I wanted advice on was what to do with the upcoming wedding. I had no issues delaying it and figured it could be better to postpone indefinitely for two reasons. He mentioned having anxiety as the wedding drew closer (still a few months out) along with the real reason he wanted to wait until we were married before having sex due to his fears about "not being enough" and that "people like him shouldn't get married". The second reason was that he recently sought out therapy, and I didn't want to rush that/progress based on a wedding date. I wanted to tell him that I was more than fine with postponing, but was afraid of it coming off the wrong way. As someone commented, I didn't want it to sound as if I was having second thoughts. Someone else said there wasn't much I could do to "make him feel better" aside from telling him that I believed him which can sometimes do a lot We chilled at his place and watched TV the day after we talked, and he didn't want to talk about it that day. He said we could in a few days, and we eventually talked about it again. He told me that there was another thing he didn't mention when we first spoke, and it was about his parents. When they would do their random checks of his private areas to make sure he wasn't masturbating, they would touch it to look for dried semen when he didn't want them to, and that was in addition to underwear/sheet checks too. He said he was 12 when he first remembered it happening and that they did that for a few years. Like the other night, he struggled to tell me and said he struggled to tell his therapist too in the beginning. She was the one who told him to talk to me and be honest I decided to tell him that I wanted to offer postponing in case it was making him anxious and to not rush his therapy progress, and he was happy that I asked because he said he "didn't feel he was improving at all". He's been no-contact with them since 18, and he wasn't sure about pursuing it legally because he wasn't sure if he wanted to reopen contact/drama with others as he believed they'd tell their church. He received flack for going no-contact from a few people from church who reached out to him. He also hated how everyone said he "has great parents" at church because he knew they wouldn't believe him, and that was why he never told anyone there. I mentioned in my first post that we met in a Christian high school that we both attended, and we are not religious at all now. My only question from here is how to help/encourage him beyond saying I believe him when he feels he's making no progress. We agreed to postpone indefinitely, but that is my last question because it's been challenging albeit nowhere near as challenging for me as him [New Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwrabroadsprec/comments/wiq2em/update_fiancem24_opened_up_about_childhood_trauma/) **(October 2nd, 2022) Posted to the bottom of the update post** Mostly making this because a lot of people have asked how we were doing and have provided some really helpful advice, and this will be the last time I update this. I don't have much in the way of an update besides the conclusion he came to. He's still with his therapist as of now, but he still has doubts about his progress and says he struggles to not get stuck in the past. And, for that reason, he was unsure about pursuing anything legally with his parents due to uncertainty about reestablish contact after being in no-contact for so long, and he doesn't know how his mental health/potential trauma would react to that. As a reminder from my previous post, people from his parent's church tried to reach out when he initially went no-contact with his parents at 18, and some of them were rather condescending and said he didn't appreciate having awesome parents from what little they saw on the outside Due to the fear of not knowing how he would mentally handle potentially breaking no-contact in hopes of anything legal, he decided not to pursue it and instead stick with therapy, and he's been with the same therapist since my last post although he has doubts about results. I told him that results don't happen overnight and that I'd support regardless of what he chose, and we're in no rush to get married either because of everything he's trying to overcome. He's been a bit depressed from time to time despite therapy, but someone commented that some things you don't really overcome but rather learn how to carry, and I think that that'll take time in this case because of everything he's been carrying for a long time. Some people suggested sex counseling as well, and it's something I'm looking into for the future as well, but the priority is helping him overcome this first. I never considered sex therapy until some suggested it here, so I really appreciate all the advice because I didn't want to go to anyone in real life for advice on something so sensitive, so being able to do it here anonymously really helps

(New Update) Fiance(m24) opened up about childhood trauma, but I(f24) feel powerless to help him

INCONCLUSIVE

MadisonBrave

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/174qxcu/new_update_fiancem24_opened_up_about_childhood/

17552hr

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Vangabusdriver **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole **AITA for telling a mom her kid isn’t special?** Trigger Warnings: >!verbal abuse!< Mood Spoilers: >!righteous vindication and happy news!< ---- &nbsp; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15ccym5/aita_for_telling_a_mom_her_kid_isnt_special/) - **July 28, 2023** I (35M) work for a bus company that’s hired by camps and schools to drive school busses. Right now, part of my job is a summer camp bus route. One of my big rules is that there’s no spray sunscreen on the bus. The windows have to be kept up because of the ac so the sunscreen stinks up the place and I don’t wanna be breathing it in. Most kids follow this rule just fine, but one kid R (7M) has the same conversation with the bus counselors every day. He says his mom wants him to sunscreen on the bus, the counselors tell him he has to wait until we get to camp. Sometimes it ends there, sometimes the same conversation repeats a few times because he’s seven and doesn’t get why mom’s rules and the bus rules are different. A few days ago, R’s mom storms up onto the bus at the morning stop and gets in my face. She says that some high school dropout with a job an idiot could do would never get how hard being a working mom is and how dare I make her kid wait even a few minutes in the sun once he’s at the camp without sunscreen. Now I’m not usually one to fight, I’m a pretty small guy(5’6”, 130lbs) and this lady was probably bigger than me. But I yelled back at her that she isn’t special, her kid isn’t special, and I’m not gonna bend the rules when other working parents seem to follow them just fine. The bus counselors made her get off, but of course she called the camp and complained. They reviewed the tapes and talked to me and bus counselors and I’m in the clear. The lady is no longer allowed to drop her kid off, so the dad has to. Pretty much everyone (my supervisor, the camp director, the counselors, even some of the older kids) have expressed that I’m in the right here. The only person making me question myself is my wife (33F). She told me that a man should never yell at a woman no matter what, and that I could never understand the pressures a working mom goes through because I don’t have a “real job” and should have just bent the rules. I told her why I can’t do that, but she just shook her head at me and has been mad the past few days. To be clear, my wife and I don’t have any kids besides our dog, and we both grew up with two working parents. I was sure I was in the right but now my wife has me wondering if I’m the AH? **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** &nbsp; **Relevant Comment from OOP** *Commentator: NTA, your wife is wrong and a terrible wife to be honest. Driving a bus is a real job.* >>**OP:** I wouldn’t go as far as to say she’s a terrible wife, I do love her after all. I just think she doesn’t get where I’m coming from here. She works as a data analyst and has a bachelors and sometimes I think she’s embarrassed to be married to a bus driver who barely graduated HS. But hey, one of us gets drawings from grateful kids and gift cards at Christmas and one of us knows how excel works! &nbsp; [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16zyzq8/update_aita_for_telling_a_mom_her_kid_isnt_special/) - **October 4, 2023** Hey! I know it’s a been a while since I posted so I wanted to add what I think may change some of the opinions about my wife being an a-hole in the situation. Things were kinda tense, but a couple of weeks after the incident she sat me down and told me she was pregnant. The stress about my job, about being a working mom, about our finances in general, are what made her lash out at me the way she did. She apologized, and I forgave her. The baby is doing well, knock on wood, and my wife and I have discussed me going to night school to at least finish out my GED. It’s something I always planned to do, but life gets in the way ya know? After night I don’t know if I’m planning on getting any sort of degree until we’re settled more. For now I’m still driving busses, the school year is well under way so I’m not dealing with any sunscreen right now, thank the lord. &nbsp; **REMINDER – THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP**

AITA for telling a mom her kid isn’t special?

CONCLUDED

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17552hr/aita_for_telling_a_mom_her_kid_isnt_special/

1755350

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ejfun **I'm attempting to fulfill my fiance's fantasy tonight for his birthday - help!** **Originally posted to** r/sex **MOOD SPOILER:** >!Spicy, sexual dialog and wholesome!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/sex/s/XqPDwAHYsR) **July 16, 2014** My fiance's 30th birthday is today! I wanted to do something fun for him tonight. He's at work right now and I'm planning on surprising him tonight by fulfilling one of his fantasies. For context, we have been together for a little over 2 years. He is 30M, I am 27F. He's always wanted a night where we pretend we don't know each other. He can be himself, but I will be another girl (I'll take on a different personality). He prefers if I'm a particularly.... "slutty" version of myself (I tend to dress on the more conservative side, but have no problem dressing differently for tonight). He has a thing for Megan Fox. **My plan** • Once I lock down details, I'm going to send him a text message a few hours prior that says something like "Meet at [x] bar at 7:00pm. No questions." • I'm going to meet him at the bar in a sexy outfit (tight dress, new lingerie underneath), wear more makeup than I'm used to, do my hair a bit differently • I'll take on a friend's life story (whom he doesn't know) so I don't have to keep making up lies • After a couple of drinks, I'll ask to come back to his place (... our place), and we'll have some fun birthday sex Aside from those details, I'm not really sure what to do for the "meaty" part of the evening. How do I make sure I don't lose character? Should I change my style of having sex? Anything that would make this evening particularly steamy? Any other tips? This is the first time I've done anything like this, and I'd really love to hear your thoughts and / or personal experiences. Happy to answer any questions. Thank you :) **TL;DR** - fiance's fantasy is to have a night where I am an unknown "slutty" girl and we meet at a bar and then go back to "his" place. Want your help to make this go smoothly! **EDIT** You guys are amazing - those were some great tips. I'm finishing up a couple glasses of liquid courage and then I'm leaving in just a bit to go meet him at the bar. I promise to post an update tomorrow! **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **yoohoohoo** >Slutty girl need slutty shoes! don't forget about details like that. Pick some place you guys don't usually go so the chance of running into someone you know will be low. take a taxi there if it's possible so he can "take you back to his place". >Say stuff like you got a nice place... enter after him... ask him stuff like "which way to the bathroom?" >after sexy time go out of the room change back to normal PJ and then say something like babe I am sorry I missed your birthday... did you at least have a ok time? [Update](https://reddit.com/r/sex/s/75TbPjChDC) **July 17, 2014** Hi friends! I promised I would post an update to this thread about fulfilling my fiance's fantasy last night, so here it is! It's a huge wall of text, sorry! I have to start off by saying thank you to everyone for the excellent advice and motivation. I read every comment and suggestion - was able to come up with a plan that worked super well! He wakes up for work at 5:30am, so I had to be efficient - didn't want to keep him up too late. **4:00pm:** I texted "Meet me at [x] bar at 7:00pm. Reply "ok". No questions" (he replied "Ok" :) **7:00pm:** I texted "Get yourself a drink" (he replied "Ok, I did...") **7:10pm:** I walked into the bar 10 minutes late (great idea, Indras1). I see him standing by himself with a vodka soda. I tell him he looks familiar and I must know him from somewhere. I decided to go with the "sexy secretary" theme. I wore a white button down shirt, black pencil skirt, dark tights, and black leather heeled boots. Nothing too outrageous - but definitely different from what I wear everyday. Per everyone's suggestions: I did my hair very differently (made it stick straight and wore it slicked back half up, it's normally curly), got my nails done red (usually go with neutrals), wore a shit ton of makeup (even went with my unusual choice of lipgloss), and wore an outrageously costume-y ring (thanks for those suggestions honey-biscuit!). I wore my engagement ring hidden on a necklace. All those details helped me especially stay in character. He even said he almost didn't recognize me at first. **7:15pm:** He picks up on what I'm doing immediately, which is great. I had a plan to pass him a note that said something like "You are you, I am not" - but he got it right away. I told him I had a really shitty day and ask him to buy me a drink. He obliged. **7:20pm:** Drinks in hand, we start having a chat. I had a couple glasses of wine before my walk over there (it was really sweet that a few of you mentioned to not drink and drive, by the way), so I was able to stay in character. I was REALLY surprised that I was able to - I thought I was going to laugh or falter... somehow I never did. We talk about each other's lives - I ask him about his, and he asks me about mine. I had my friend ask me a couple of questions beforehand to prep, but I didn't really plan too, too much. I knew where I was from, what I did, where I lived, and kind of my general persona. I even chewed my gum and twirled my hair excessively to play the part! (That was someone else's suggestion, but I can't find your comment, I'm sorry!). I even used dpash's suggestion and put a temporary tramp stamp on my back. I was way overly flirty and even got his number. I came up with this silly rule that I only go home with a guy if I've met him three times. I turned around and walked a few steps and reintroduced myself twice :P **8:00pm:** Super impressed with this part - my fiance says his apartment has a really nice rooftop and we should go back to his place for a drink. I didn't even have to ask! We walk back the few blocks. **8:10pm:** We stop first in the apartment to grab drinks. He says "Sorry, we're out of wine" and I say "You should always check the fridge for some leftover white!" He smiles and finds some in the fridge (I put it there before). **8:15pm:** We go up to the roof for a drink. It was an amazingly beautiful evening and was still quite light outside. One of my favorite parts of the evening was that he was touching me ever so slightly - light hand on the knee, hand on my back - but in that first few dates kind of way. IT WAS SO SEXY. I was really turned on. Anyway, we chat for just a drink, and then I can't quite remember how, but we end up back in the apartment. **8:45pm:** I ask to use the restroom and for a glass of water (other great suggestions on not "knowing" the apartment). When I got to the restroom, I took off my outfit and had a super surprising red lingerie get up (including garter belt, which I've always wanted to try. That shit is HARD to figure out the first time, by the way). Anyway, I come outside and his reaction was priceless. He just stammered "Oh my,.. oh my GOD" over and over again. Felt really good :) I ask him to play some music so I can dance for him. He plays a song for me and I somehow manage to pull together a dancy dance. The song finishes and I ask if he wants another - he says yes. I do another that includes a lot more physical contact with him. He kisses me for the first time (it felt like a first kiss) and says it's time for the bedroom. **9:00pm:** I changed the bedspread beforehand (to his old one when he was still a bachelor) and cleared off my endstand. He even said "wow" when he walked in he was so surprised. I don't want to go into too many details, but the bedroom part was amazing. Left on the lingerie and the boots. We just ravaged each other. I was so turned on (think he was, too). Lots of fun stuff - nothing too, too crazy - but definitely hungrier than normal. It was great. We were totally spent afterward. **10:15pm:** Told him the last train was leaving and I had to run. Kissed him goodbye and walked out of the bedroom and closed the door. **10:20pm:** Changed into my normal grey shirt and boxers. Took off all of the makeup and put my hair in a bun (Thanks MHaaskivi!). Walked in all normal and told him I was sorry for missing his birthday (Thanks yoohoohoo!) and gave him a super sentimental card. He laughed and said he absolutely loved it. Went back to our typical reading before bed... lights out. Guys, it was amazing - my fiance totally loved it, but I think I liked it as much as he did...if not more. There were a bunch of you who wanted to try out this idea - DO IT! It didn't require that much planning (you can do it on a super budget and stay at home, or even go all out to a hotel like a few of you suggested). It was SO fun. It was super sexy and felt like it just reinvigorated our sex lives. Happy to answer any questions if you want help planning! This thread was so full of good advice. Cheers, everyone! **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I'm attempting to fulfill my fiance's fantasy tonight for his birthday - help!

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1755350/im_attempting_to_fulfill_my_fiances_fantasy/

17554pd

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Reasonable_World1680 **Student photographed me in a bikini and is sharing it around school** **Originally posted to** r/Teachers **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Violation of privacy!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/Teachers/s/S3XwJZeumL)  **Sept 28, 2023** Not sure of this is the correct flair but it seemed the best fitting. I was just enjoying my weekend with my kid at the pool and I saw one of my students was there. I didn’t really mind since I thought he’d at most come up and say hi or otherwise just not notice me or leave me alone. I didn’t see him after the first sighting of him so I just assumed he’d gone home and didn’t think anything of it. I came into school the next day and noticed lots of students were looking at me. I teach high school so they’re smart enough to not let slip to me what was wrong. It was bothering me but since the only answer I ever got was “oh…nothing Miss”, I just left it and hoped it was nothing important. On my lunch break another member of staff a similar age to me (early 30s) told me an image of me in a bikini was going around the school and one of the student had shown him it thinking it was funny. I’ve since seen the photo and it’s not exactly flattering. My child can’t be seen but it shows most of my belly which is bigger than I’d like and I’m clearly out of breath (I can’t remember why but it will have been from chasing my 6 year old about). I’ve found it really embarrassing but I’m not sure how to approach it. I know which student took it but how do I bring it up with them? Does anyone have an idea of what I should do? Thanks in advance. [Update](https://reddit.com/r/Teachers/s/lB8WqueFtz)  **Oct 1, 2023** A couple of days ago I made a post here about a student who took a photo of me at the pool and shared it with 90% of his year and some teachers. A few people asked for an update so I thought I’d make one. Firstly, thank you to everyone who gave advice on what I should do. There was so much that I couldn’t follow it all but it was a huge help to me in making decisions going forward. I’ve spoken to the students parents although they didn’t seem too bothered by the story of what he’d done. The thing which seemed to shock them most was the idea of me wearing a bikini! They told me they’d “speak to him” which is probably just an attempt to get me to shut up and leave them alone. I’ve also informed admin who said they’d look into it but I haven’t heard anything since so I doubt anything’s going to happen on that front. As far as I can tell, what the student did wasn’t technically illegal so there isn’t a whole lot I can do to him. Laughing it off seems like the best option for me. Also, special thank you to all the creeps messaging me and asking me to send them the photo **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **Most-Candidate9277** >What does your husband say about all of this? **OOP replied** >>He’s been very supportive **ON WHY THE UPDATE WAS REMOVED** >Basically a student had photographed me in a bikini when I was out at a pool with my kid and shared it with a bunch of his classmates. It was taken down because I named the creeps who’d been messaging me sexual messages **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Student photographed me in a bikini and is sharing it around school

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17554pd/student_photographed_me_in_a_bikini_and_is/

17555af

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Sea_Category_5313 **AITA: For not wanting to pay for my sister’s medical bills?** **Originally posted to** r/AITAH **Thanks to u/czechtheboxes for suggesting this BoRU** **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Teen pregnancy, emotional manipulation, child abandonment, PPD!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/lALx28glK2) **Sept 4, 2023** My parents had me at 16. They were both in high school. After I was born, my father dropped out to work full-time and take care of me, so my bio mother could stay in school. Eventually, after finishing high school, she realized that motherhood wasn't for her and left my dad and me. I was 2, so I don't really remember her being around. After that, my father worked three times as hard to provide for me. He also met a nice woman whom he later married when I was 7. I consider her my mom (I'll call her my stepmother to avoid confusion). My bio mother didn't contribute in any way, not even financially. In fact, the last time she contacted me before now was on my 3rd birthday, which was just a quick happy birthday card through the mail. I never had ill feelings towards her decision because I had my dad, mom, and brother who filled the emptiness she left. My parents have never said anything negative about her. Her leaving me was not something I thought about every day, so you can imagine my confusion when she reached out on social media to talk. I thought about it for days before I agreed. We met in a restaurant for the first time in 25 years. It was awkward small talk at the beginning before we delved into why she left. My bio mother teared up while explaining why. She suffered from postpartum depression and felt trapped by the constant cycle, so she felt compelled to leave. She explained why she reached out and made it clear that she didn’t leave because of me. Of course, I sympathized with her, as I saw my stepmom go through postpartum depression with my brother and saw how much it affected her. We met a couple more times before I was invited to meet her new family. She had a husband, and also had 3 children, 13F, 11M, and 7F. After weeks of this, I had my most recent meetup with my bio mother. She looked distressed while greeting me, so I asked if anything happened. She then explained to me in a quick response that her oldest daughter, 13F, has health issues (I won't say what due to how sensitive it is). She explained she needs $25,000 for medication and has accumulated medical bills of $20,000. She asked if I could pay it off. For context, after graduating and receiving my postgraduate diploma, I landed my dream job that earned a good sum of money. I'm certain she may have heard about where my job was from somewhere and saw it as an opportunity. She gave me time to think about it. It didn't take long for me to say no to it. I felt used and exploited. She never wanted to meet me; she just wanted money from the child she left to help the other child that she loves. After giving her my response, which wasn't much, just a simple 'no, I don't feel comfortable with that' through text, I was soon bombarded with text messages from her husband telling me what a nasty piece of work I was, followed by more texts from my bio mother about how I'm so cruel for not helping out my sister due to my grudge against her. And then, to top it all off, I was getting some messages from family members from her side of the family questioning why I'm being so difficult. So, am I really terrible for not paying for my half sister's medication and medical bills?" **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **digitydigitydoo** >INFO: not that it really matters, but did she even pay child support to your father? Because, if she didn’t, she might owe you $20,000 **OOP replied** >>the only thing she paid for after leaving was a 3 dollar birthday card lmao * **ANOTHER COMMENT FROM OOP** >Im glad she showed what she really wanted early on so I could cut her off quickly. Also my mom adopted me when I was 6 :) [Update](https://reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/0W4tYxswJF) **Sept 4, 2023** Hey everyone, thanks for the feedback & Support! I just wanted to answer some questions and provide some clarity. I've learned more about what was happening in my bio mom's family. First of all, I questioned why she had three more children despite her postpartum depression. It turns out that she and her husband found out early on about the severity of their first daughter's illness. They had two additional children (11M & 7F) as "savior siblings" for their oldest daughter's medical treatment. Neither of them were matches. I've currently blocked her and her husband. I didn't go into this expecting to reconnect with my bio mom. That wasn't the plan. I already have a mom and I didn't need another one. I just wanted to give her a chance to explain herself. I never wanted a mother-daughter bond, just to be cordial or friendly. My family supported me in meeting my bio parent and I didn't blindside them. I'm happy with my own family and don't need her to "complete" it. It’s not her leaving that bothers me, it's her current actions. But even through that all I will sympathise with her only on the basis that she suffered with ppd. When my bio mom left, my grandparents and biological aunt stood by my dad. They raised me alongside my parents. They say she's always been mentally unstable and manipulative. I feel bad for my half-sister, but I can't give her the money. Sometimes I wish I had ignored my bio mom from the beginning. Also I blocked the strangers calling my phone a while back just forget to add that in. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA: For not wanting to pay for my sister’s medical bills?

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Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/17555af/aita_for_not_wanting_to_pay_for_my_sisters/

1755axx

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Soft\_Career\_8688](https://www.reddit.com/user/Soft_Career_8688/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Trigger Warning:** >!emotional abuse!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!positive ending!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13ok0xa/aita_for_saying_my_in_laws_treat_me_like_a_live/)**: May 22, 2023** I F(26) & husband M (27) live with his parents. His father had some health issues and needed some care and we agreed to move in to help out. FIL is generally doing better now, but there’s still a few things he can’t do anymore that my husband does now instead. We’ve discussed moving out (I want to) but my in laws are very resistant to the idea, stating that there’s plenty of room here and they don’t know what they’d do without us etc. While we don’t pay his parents to live here, (their decision) we pay for groceries for everyone and several household bills - electricity, internet, tv packages etc (the house is mortgage free) I also do all the household cleaning & cooking. I arrange and take all their pets to their veterinary appointments too. I do work from home so this is easier for me and as I’m able to be flexible. We also pay half of any house modifications / upgrades as ‘it’ll be your house one day’ Recently I have begun to feel resentful of the fact that once they are all done with work they can come home and relax, where as I finish work and have to cook and clean and have no help. On the weekends I spend half of the day cleaning the house while they do what they want. This all came to a head last week, I was really unwell, I felt the worse I’ve ever felt and wanted nothing more than to sleep however once it got around to dinner time I was woken by my MIL to ask when I was getting up to make dinner. I didn’t want to cause an argument so I just got up and made dinner for them, but as I was in the kitchen struggling not to pass out, the three of them sat watching a movie, waiting for me to bring in their food. I didn’t say anything at first, i waited until my husband and I were alone to bring up my concerns with the lack of help. My husband apologised and offered to help more which I accepted, but the next day was an exact repeat - I had to drag myself out of bed to cook and once I’d brung in their food my MIL says ‘oh you look truly awful! Poor you! Oh btw later would you mind giving everywhere an extra clean? I don’t want to get whatever you have’ at which point I accused them of treating me like a live in maid & not caring about me outside of the services I provide for them. I pointed out that I wouldn’t be in the communal areas if I hadn’t been dragged out to cook & that they could have handled one meal themselves. My husband sat there in silence. He thinks I should have brought it up more carefully, at a time when I wasn't so 'emotional' i agree that i probably should have, but i was sick & stressed. i want to move out but husband and inlaws are still against it, nothing has changed with what they expect from me, i got no apology just silent treatment from MIL for a couple of days. so, am i the asshole? ***Relevant Comments:*** *OOP clarifies quite a few things in this comment:* "Thank you for all the comments, this is my first post so I’m not sure if this is the best way to address some of the questions but here we go * It didn’t start off with me doing everything, before we moved in with my inlaws, my husband and I split everything equally and that worked great. Once we moved here, I picked up a bunch of the household chores because I work from home and I’m here, it just made sense. Slowly over time there’s just been things added here and there and that has snowballed into the current situation. * I have stood up for myself a few times, but it’s an incredibly difficult situation… I’m very aware this is not my house, they are not my parents and the things I would say to my own parents are not the same I feel I could say to his. I moved across the country before we got married none of my friends are here, most of my closest friends are my husbands friends wives etc. I don’t have any family nearby. I’ve always felt as though if I push too hard it would be everyone against me and I didn’t realise before now how toxic of an environment that is. * The inheritance of the house isn’t something I want / need. This was never supposed to be a long term thing and I guess I’ve just felt pressured to contribute to certain things involving the house because we do live here and my husband will get the house one day (he’s an only child) Overall it’s just been very eye opening to realise maybe I’m not being as silly as I’m often made to think. All the little things spiral into one big mess and my husband should be sticking up for me not contributing to the problem. I’ve tried talking to him about things several times and he’ll be helpful for a couple of days before resorting back to mummy’s little Prince. I know I’ve been needing to get out for awhile, I think this is just the push I needed to make such a massive life decision. Thanks Reddit" *What exactly is it that your husband does that your FIL can't do?* "At this point, I’d say he’s recovered enough that he should be able to do most things. But it’s mostly walking his dogs, anything involving any sort of lifting. Nothing that couldn’t be done by outside sources if we were to leave" ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update In** [Comments](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13ok0xa/aita_for_saying_my_in_laws_treat_me_like_a_live/jy7isow/?context=3)**: August 29, 2023 (3 months later)** I’m not really sure how to best go about updating? But I guess here is as good as any. Firstly thank you to everyone that reached out, I haven’t been able to get back to everyone but I did read every message. Now for the part you all want 😅 After making this post I started putting my wages into my own bank account. I removed all of my savings from our joint savings account, and transferred everything from my own ‘safety’ account, just in case. This turned out to be the best decisions because I found out I was pregnant roughly two weeks after this post. I’d been told at 15 that due to some medical conditions I’d never be able to get pregnant naturally so it was a complete shock. Once I had a scan to check everything was okay (thankfully it was) we told my in laws and this is what gave me the final shove I needed. Immediately names were being thrown around and my MIL started talking about going reducing her hours to part time / early retirement so she could be around to raise the baby. This rubbed me completely the wrong way, I didn’t want anyone else raising my baby? Colours for the nursery and themes etc were all being discussed constantly but never with me or my opinions being taken into consideration and within a week i felt as though I was just an incubator. The final straw happened when myself, my husbands cousin (f29) and MIL went shopping. I had been looking at the different kind of breast pumps before being told that I would be bottle feeding so everyone could help out. I didn’t want to cause a scene in the middle of the shop so I moved onto outfits, but everything I picked up or looked at was either the wrong colour or style or something. I’d picked out one outfit, which would be my first baby purchase, and MIL snatched it out of my hands before I could pay telling me that it was the wrong sort of outfit, it wasn’t gender neutral enough and ‘if the baby is a boy like we’re hoping then it’s far too feminine.’ I didn’t need to be told what I could and couldn’t dress my own child in, nor did I appreciate the suggestion that they would all prefer a boy. Let alone being told how I would be feeding my child. So, I left. I tried talking to my husband on three separate occasions and he either made excuses or blew me off entirely. I couldn’t handle it anymore. I packed my bags and went to stay with my sister for a week. My husband called once and asked me to go home. Once. I made it clear I wouldn’t be returning to live in that house, that I would raise the baby on my own if he didn’t want to leave but I would not allow my child to be raised in such a toxic environment. As a big surprise to no one, he stayed put. After that I got spammed with texts in the family group chat, but I left and deleted them all. I’ve started the divorce process and hopefully, as I’ve saved everything disgusting message from either my ex or his family about both myself and my baby they wont get any form of custody. Although, since I announced the gender they’ve all gone quite silent. I now have a small three bedroom house, I’m only renting for now while I wait for the divorce to finalise, but it’s plenty big enough for the two of us. My daughter will grow up surrounded by my family and plenty of cousins to play with. The house is pretty bare at the minute as I only got the keys a couple of days ago, but I have time before she gets here to make sure everything is ready. Thank you again for all your kind words, the situation didn’t play out how I’d hoped, but I can’t help feeling like it’s for the best.

AITA for saying my in laws treat me like a live in maid & wanting to move out?

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LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1755axx/aita_for_saying_my_in_laws_treat_me_like_a_live/

1757zy0

**I am NOT OP. Original post by \[deleted account\] in** r/Ghoststories **who later surfaced as** u/OneQueasyDude **in** r/BestofRedditorUpdates Trigger warnings: >!mentions of abuse, possible suicide, nudity!< Mood spoilers: >!sad!< Original BORU [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/til9yi/new_update_when_i_was_around_10_i_met_a_strange/)   [**When I was around 10 I met a strange boy who seemed to appear from nowhere, him and I became super close friends but after about a year he disappeared. I never found a way of contacting him again**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Ghoststories/comments/oisgly/when_i_was_around_10_i_met_a_strange_boy_who/) \- 12 July 2021 This is going to be a long one, so you'll have to bear with me while I try and explain everything. But there is a TLDR at the bottom if you want to read that instead. Okay, so I was probably around 10/11 years old the first time I remember the boy turning up. It was the middle of summer and my friends and I were swimming in a lake in one of my parents' fields. I grew up in a small farmers town, with a population of no more than 200 and so everyone knew everyone. There were two schools in the town, one for boys and one for girls, I'm not sure why they split them by gender, and I'm pretty sure both have merged now, but that's what it was like when I lived there. I'm going to tell it how I remember it happening, but my friend who was there at the time remembers it slightly differently than I do. So, as I was saying, my friends (I think it was about 4 of us in total) and I were swimming in the lake at the bottom of one of my parents' fields. It was about a 15 minute walk from my main house. We had been playing there for a while, when we heard someone calling to us. We looked over and saw the boy standing at the edge of the lake, completely naked. Once we noticed him he shouted if he could play with us. He looked to be around the same age as us, maybe a little older but not by much. He was super pale, like white pale. I remember being amazed and kind of jealous of his super bright green eyes. He also had shoulder length white blond hair, like Draco Malfoy blond. I looked to my friends and we said yeah and he came in the lake with us. None of us recognised him. Which as I said was weird because we had all lived in this tiny town for our whole lives and everyone basically knew everyone living there. He introduced himself as Richard but he said he prefers if we called him Richie, so we did. I remember asking Richie where he was from, but he would go all awkward and would never give a straight answer. Anyway, after a while more of playing in the lake Richie seemed fun and I invited him to come back to my house for supper, he straight away said he would love to come and my friend was like "Don't you need to ask your mum?" to which Richie said something like "Oh she won't mind.” Remember how I said Richie was completely naked, well that wasn't so strange. In fact I'm pretty sure we all were. My friends and I were all boys and we would skinny dip in the lake normally so it didn't stick out to me when he first arrived like that. But what did stick out to me was when we got out of the lake dried and dressed ourselves, Richie had no clothes with him to get dressed into. Which I remember thinking was super weird but he said something like "Oh I must have forgot to bring them." Which again, I thought was very weird, like how do you forget your clothes. I wasn't sure how my parents would react to me bringing home a naked boy, so I gave him my briefs and my overshirt to put on. But yeah, that stuck out as very odd. My friends went back home and Richie and I went to my house. My dad was like “where’s his clothes?” I just made something up. I’m pretty sure I said something like his clothes got wet so we left them in the sun to dry. I got him some trousers to put on. We ate supper, which I remember him having 3 or 4 plates of. As I said, Richie is a super skinny boy, I was pretty small and skinny at the time. But he was definitely more skinny than I was, so I was confused how he ate so much lol Richie was super polite and sweet to everyone while he was at my house. After supper I took him upstairs to my room and we played on my Nintendo 64 together. He had never seen one before and was super amazed by it. At the time I thought he had never seen one before and was super amazed by it. At the time I thought he had never seen one because they were so old, this was 2010. But my family was poor and that's all I had. It started to get dark and I asked him if he wanted to sleep over, he was really excited by that and said yeah. I checked with my parents but I knew they wouldn't mind because they were both super drunk. So we continued playing on N64 until it was super late. After a while, I said it was time that we went to bed as I was tired but I don't remember him seeming tired at all. Richie asked if he could shower before as we had been playing in my fields and he was really muddy. As he was showering I made my bed for us, and put a movie on the TV for us to watch as we went to sleep and I got into bed. Richie came in like 5 minutes later and was completely naked again. I was like "did you walk from the bathroom like that?" he was like yeah and didn't seem to care at all, so even though I thought it was strange I didn't say anything. He got into my bed, I asked him if he wanted any pyjamas and he said no it was too hot, which to be fair I do remember it being really hot that day. I had a Scooby Doo movie on and he was really excited by it, and didn't know anything about them, which I guess isn't too weird. But looking back, he didn't seem to know any pop culture stuff at all, I mean, we were pretty behind the times in my small town but we still knew most pop culture. I had slept in quite a lot the next day, but when I woke up Richie wasn't in my room. I went and asked my mum if she'd seen him and she said he left early that morning after his parents rang our house, how they knew he was with us or where to ring I'm still not sure. Richie had taken some shorts from my room because my mom said he couldn't leave without clothes on. I was a little disappointed he left without me, or at least without saying goodbye or without leaving any way of contacting him again. He turned up again a couple days later when my friends and I were swimming in the lake again. This time he brought clothes, but I'm pretty sure he only brought some briefs and a shirt with no pants. Which again, I thought was weird. Over the next year, him and I became super close. We were like brothers. Over the year, I asked if I could see his home or meet his family. But any time I asked anything personal about him, he would go awkward and not want to talk about it. Or he would just change the subject. But I could see it made him feel uncomfortable, so I didn’t push him to tell me. He did tell me he was homeschooled, which I thought was cool. Because I’m my mind that meant no school. As I said, we became really close over the year. I felt like he was more than a friend to me. It’s difficult to explain, it’s almost like we clicked from the first time we met. We became close really quick, and I felt like I could tell him anything and he would always help and support me. He helped me through so many hard times, and he definitely encouraged me to be a better person. It was almost as if he could sense when I was going through anything. For example when my Grandma passed away, I went out into my fields to cry as I didn't want to do it in front of my family. But after sitting down in some random place Richie turned up and sat next to me, he said some things that I remember helping me a lot. When I asked him how he found me he said that we was just on a walk. Not too long after this, he just vanished. It had been a little over a year since the first time he appeared at the lake. It was around September the year after, so it had been around a year and 2/3 months. He never turned up again, never said goodbye, never left a trace. I was massively upset, I really really missed him. I would walk around the fields looking for him and I would hang out by the lake where we first met. Hoping that he would turn up, but he never did again. I still don't know what happened to him, I've tried searching social media for him but with no luck and since he would never tell me that much about his life I don't have that much to go on. I asked my parents what they remember of him. They said they remember him being odd, and that they were unsure about him at first, especially how he had a tendency to strip naked whenever he felt like it. But they also said that he and I were inseparable and wherever I was he was sure to be found there too. They said they remember me being heartbroken when he stopped appearing, and they weren't sure whether they should call the police about him being gone, but they never did. (I kind of wish they did) I suppose this is a long shot, but if you're reading this Richie, reach out to me. I'd love to speak to you again and get some answers to all the weird things about you. It’s completely possible that there isn’t anything paranormal about Richie, but it is definitely strange. TLDR: A boy turned up out of nowhere in my small town. He was quite weird and didn't know much about pop culture. Him and I became super close friends really quickly and spent almost every day together. Until one day, after about a year, he disappeared. Never turned up to hang out with me again. I didn't have any way of contacting him as he would always avoid answering any personal questions. UPDATE: I am visiting my parents for a couple weeks, I will search the house for any photos us Richie and I that I could share here. Though, with 7 older brothers and a lot of family photos I'm not sure I'll find anything. Also, there is a fun day at the local church to celebrate the schools breaking up for summer holiday. As suggested by a commenter, I am going to attend the coffee morning where all the old people who live in the village go. Even if this means waking up at 7am. I am going to be asking around to see if anyone remembers Richie. I will update this thread tomorrow if I find anything! Thank you everyone for your help! UPDATE 2: I have asked around at my local church today, no one seemed to remember Richie. I started to lose a little hope. But word must have spread around that I was looking for someone. Because an old lady (I'll call her Sharon in this), who I know, but haven't ever really spoken to before, came up to me. She says she thinks she might know Richie's maternal great aunt. She is going to try and find the contact details for me so I can reach out and see if the great aunt has any info on Richie. Sharon says if Richie is does belong to the family she's thinking of, then he would have lived at a cottage around an hour and 15 minute walk from the main village. She said the cottage is secluded, with no neighbours. Sharon has no idea why they disappeared, but she said she isn't that close to Richie's great aunt. I hope this is good news, I might actually be a step closer to finding Richie again. I'll update with anymore news if I find any. I'm hoping that this possible aunt is still alive and hasn't changed contact details. Wish me luck! UPDATE 3 I have contacted Richie's potential great aunt (PGA for short lol), with no luck. I called the number that Sharon gave to me a couple times. With no answer, though I have left a message explaining who I am. I am sent a letter first class to the address that Sharon gave me as well, which should get there tomorrow or the day after. Hopefully the PGA is still living at the address and I am able to get some answers. In the letter I also explained why I was interested in contacting her, and I gave my phone number if she would like to call me instead of writing back. I will update as soon as have anything new. Oh, and one more thing. I visited the cottage where Sharon thought Richie could have been living. The cottage is abandoned, and run down. Seems likely that he could have been living here. It gave off massive creepy vibes though. UPDATE 4: I have heard back from the PGA, I'll name her Jane. Someone suggested that I check if the number was linked to any apps like WhatsApp. It was, and I reached out to Jane on there. This seemed to do the trick and she messaged me back relatively quickly. After describing Richie to her, she said pretty confidently that she is related to Richie. This is where things take a bad turn. Jane hasn't been in contact with Richies family for many years. But she does have the phone number of Richie's older sister. I had no idea he even had any siblings at all. Jane insinuated that I won't find what I'm looking for when contacting Richie's sister. I fear the worst, it seems as though something has happened to Richie. Jane told me that Richie's sister will be able to tell me more, gave me her number and then hung up the phone. I'm incredibly anxious to reach out to Richie's sister. This could be the end to the search that has taken me so long. But I fear that it isn't the ending that I have dreamed of. I will update this thread once I know more.   **Second post** [**UPDATE: When I was around 10 I met a strange boy who seemed to appear from nowhere. He and I became super close friends but after about a year he disappeared. I never found a way of contacting him again.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Ghoststories/comments/olfakz/update_when_i_was_around_10_i_met_a_strange_boy/) \- 16 July 2021 This is an update to my original post from a couple days ago. Which can be found here Though my original post was only around 4 days ago, that is eternity in reddit time. So I am not sure if anyone will even care about this update. First and foremost, I want to thank each and everyone one of you who have helped with through this process and have helped me find closure on my childhood best-friend and my first and only true love. This journey has been difficult, many years I have searched for answers on where Richie is now. Sadly, it is not good news. Deep down, I think I feared and perhaps avoided searching for Richie in case this was the outcome. With the help of everyone here and so many lovely commenters, I tracked down a distant relative to Richie. Who put me in contact with Richie's older sister. A sister that I did not know existed. For the sake of clarity I will name the sister Sarah. Sarah helped put into context Richie, his odd behaviour, his unwillingness to show me his home and his disappearance. Sarah and Richie both suffered abuse and neglect at the hands of their father. Their father, who suffered with severe mental health issues and drug-related problems for most of his adult life. Their father was terrified of the outside world, and thus kept them secluded away in secret. According to Sarah, their father was convinced that the world was months away from ending at any given time. He was convinced that the devil was planning to take over his mind and body. And was convinced that Jesus had spoken to him, and told him the only way to keep him and his family safe was to keep them secluded from the outside world. Sarah shared that their father would not often be physically abusive, which I suppose is of some relief. Richie and his family would move often throughout his childhood. Never staying in one place for too long as his father feared that the devil would soon find them. Sarah said they were most likely moved in the middle of the night with no forewarning. Though she can't remember the specific time they were moved from my town. This helps to explain how Richie seemed to appear one day, and disappear 15 months later. Richie passed away at age 15, around 2 and a half years after vanishing from my town. Sarah struggled to go into the details of Richie's death and I didn't want to push her into sharing something that was painful for her. Though it seemed that Richie took his own life. Sarah told me that Richie would often speak of me, and the time we spent together. And that all Richie ever wanted to do was to come back and find me. Sadly, he never managed that. She said she thought that I was just imaginary. She isn't sure how Richie would sneak out of the house to meet with me, but said that their father would keep them locked in their rooms for days and sometimes weeks at a time. Sarah told me she has a collection of Richie's diaries, which I do remember him writing occasionally. She has offered to send them to me, which is lovely of her. She told me that a lot of the writing is about me, about our time together, about how he wanted to find me again so we could run away together. Again she never thought I was a real person. Hearing that was so incredibly bittersweet. I look forward to reading those diaries, even though it will be incredibly difficult at the same time. She said she is glad that Richie managed to have an impact on someone on this world. I wish that I was able to express the impact that Richie had on my life. I wish I could tell Richie the impact he had on my life. I want everyone to know Richie. I want everyone to know what an amazing, kind and beautiful person Richie was. This post is difficult for me to write. Deep down, I think that I resisted searching for Richie more in case this was the outcome. Sarah told me a lot more information, but I've decided to leave out most to respect her privacy. Sarah is away and safe from her father, which I am so glad about. Again, I just want to express how thankful I am for all of you who have helped. For all of you who have offered emotional support. Thank you so much. Richie, I love you. I'm sorry I couldn't help you. I'm sorry I didn't pick up on the signals that you were in danger. I hope you can forgive me. Richie you were the only true friend I've ever had, it's so hard for me to write this. I feel so sick that I didn't do more. Richie, I want you to know you saved me so many times throughout my life. So many low moments in my life have been helped because of the memories of you. I am so sorry I wasn't there for you the same way you were there for me. I love you so much Richie.   **OOP updates on BORU itself** [***New Update*** **When I was around 10 I met a strange boy who seemed to appear from nowhere, him and I became super close friends but after about a year he disappeared. I never found a way of contacting him again + Updates.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/til9yi/new_update_when_i_was_around_10_i_met_a_strange/) \- 20 March 2022 Hello everyone, Almost one year ago I made a reddit post searching for answers about a childhood friend of mine that went missing, it received a moderate amount of attention and with the people of reddit's help I was able to track down the relatives of my missing friend. I posted this under a different, now deleted account, however I have sent the mods of this subreddit proof of me being the OOP I deleted the reddit account because honestly I didn't want to think about what happened to Richie anymore as it was too painful for a long time after I discovered the truth. Recently that post has resurfaced on this subreddit and so I thought I'd give you all an update on where I am today and how I'm doing as well as how Sarah is doing. It still pains me to think about Richie, and think about how I could have and should have helped him and how I failed to save him. It does really hurt to look back on it. I really don't have many friends and I suffer from pretty bad anxiety, and I just wish I had Richie here with me. Sarah and I still occasionally talk, but not really as often as I wish we could. I have met her IRL once, which was nice. I hope that me posting this update is alright on this subreddit, it just seemed to me that so many were touched by Richie's story that I thought I would put this out there and I'm happy to answer questions of anyone who has them.   **New new update** \- On the same post This post got a lot of replies and I am trying to make my way through and answer as much as I can. I didn't think this post would get so much attention, especially since this was posted relatively recently. To answer a couple of the common questions: Yes, I am currently in therapy. I started it not too long ago along with some medication as I have suffered for a while with severe anxiety. I am currently requesting permission from Sarah before I post any of Richie's journal entries, as I feel she should have final say on if she wants those out on the internet. No, I am not writing a book about Richie. No, this is not a promotion for a book. If anyone was to write a book about Richie and his life I would think it should be Sarah, however she does not have any interest in sharing her story. She would much rather leave the past in the past, and honestly I can't blame her. It really breaks my heart that there are so many people in here sharing that they knew a Richie, or they were a Richie. I feel like so many children, even now, go under the radar, the lives they live and the abuse they receive with no one there to help. It hurts to think that there could have been so many with us today that have sadly passed on and are no longer with us. I think everyone has a right to be remembered and I am so glad that Richie has had an impact on so many people here. Also I'm sorry if I don't respond to a comment, there are a lot on here that I thought would be too difficult to respond to. I can say a million times that I shouldn't feel guilty, and I know that also. But it is very hard not to, and it's very hard to hear that I did all I could do when Richie isn't around anymore. That might sound mopey or ungrateful, I am grateful of all the love I have been sent. I am just not entirely sure if I deserve it.   **Reminder - I am not OP.**

When I was around 10 I met a strange boy who seemed to appear from nowhere, him and I became super close friends but after about a year he disappeared. I never found a way of contacting him again

REPOST

ScarletWitch912

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1757zy0/when_i_was_around_10_i_met_a_strange_boy_who/

175hog8

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Spiritual_Manager648 **in** r/HotWifeLifestyle Tw: >!Cuckolding and graphic sex descriptions!< mood spoilers: >!Hopeful for OOP!< &#x200B; **Breakthrough after 5 years with wife - Dec 3, 2022** https://www.reddit.com/r/HotWifeLifestyle/comments/zba3tw/breakthrough_after_5_years_with_wife/ Wife and I are both 28 and have been together 5 years. I’ve always been into sharing her but she’s been cautious about it and always wanting to only fantasize rarely. If I bring it up as an option she would tell me she wants to be monogamous and she doesn’t want to sleep with someone else. I let it go for the most part except for the occasional fantasy or joke but mostly just left it to me fantasizing about it alone. Tonight that changed. She asked me if I’m still into having an open relationship out of the blue. I said no because I don’t want to sleep with another women. She seemed kind of disappointed. I said but I am still into you have the freedom to sleep around. She said well what would that mean - seemingly excited. She is going out to the bars tomorrow night with her friend. So she asked if she met a guy how would it go? Would she text me to ask permission or tell me what she’s doing. I said yes please text me I want to know you’re safe. She said that would be no problem. Then she told me she loves me. Now she’s asleep but im really regretting not asking more questions. I was so shocked by her brining it up out of nowhere I was too stunned to think. I am wondering if she is actually thinking about it or she is just teasing me or testing me to see if I’m still into it. I don’t know what my next step should be. Let her decide and take the lead or try to get more involved. Edit: I talked to her. She doesn’t have someone in mind. She has just been having age anxiety recently. We want to move soon out of the city and start a family. I’m her first partner and she has been friends with a girl who has been single now and having fun. She admitted she maybe is a bit jealous she couldn’t experiment and has been fantasizing about sex with a stranger a lot. She was very happy to be able to tell me this and not feel embarrassed. I asked her when she fantasizes about this like does she do it when I’m not around and she got all red and told me it’s how she cums when I go down on her. I found this so hot. We talked about what she wants and she doesn’t know. She doesn’t know if she would actually go through with it but it’s nice to know she has the option. She said she would 100% use condoms and be safe. For tonight she said she wanted to just dance with some men and see how it went but she doubts she will go home with one. I told her how this all makes me so happy and excited. It was really just amazing talking about it so honestly. I told her to dress really sexy and so we are looking forward to that. &#x200B; **Successful update breakthrough with wife - Dec 6, 2022** [https://www.reddit.com/r/HotWifeLifestyle/comments/zdx2uv/successful\_update\_breakthrough\_with\_wife/](https://www.reddit.com/r/HotWifeLifestyle/comments/zdx2uv/successful_update_breakthrough_with_wife/) My wife (28) went out on Saturday to some bars near our house with her girlfriend. We ended up talking before she went and had an in depth conversation about what she wanted and what her desires were. Felt surreal to finally be hearing her show interest in other men after pretty much nothing for the past 5 years. Was so fun to watch her get ready knowing she was trying to look her best. She wore a sheer black top with a black bra underneath and short skirt with nylons. Looked so sexy and knowing guys would be all over her was so exciting. Was super hard to sit still and not go crazy when she was gone. She didn’t really update me too much just telling me she was safe and when to pick her up.I picked her and her friend up at 2 am and they were both very tipsy and giggling. Her friend knew the deal and was teasing and giggling about the men my wife was flirting and dancing with. It was so crazy to be openly talking about it with another person. When I dropped her friend off my wife let me know what happened. She got to a dance club and immediately started getting attention. She danced with a couple men and maybe an hour later finally met one who she was really attracted to. He was a great dancer and she told me he held her really tight. He was confident and started kissing her and leading her to a darker corner. He pinned her against the wall and made out with her. She told me how Alive and sexy she felt. This is kind of what she had fantasized about for awhile now. She told me she could feel his hard cock pressed against her and he was a great kisser. He got more daring and pushed his hand up her thigh past her skirt are rubbed her pussy and grabbed her ass. I had to ask about what she touched and she told me his cock though his pants. She ended up somehow snapping back to reality and knowing I was going to get her and she was responsible for her friend getting home gave him her phone number and a last kiss. My heart was pounding it was hard to even focus driving letting alone breathe listening. It almost didn’t feel real that she was telling me this. I couldn’t believe how far she actually went and how she was now telling me so honestly. I could tell how excited she was almost like a teenager who just had sex for the first time. I asked her if she wanted more . She answered yes I wanted him to fuck me. Will you text him? Yes . Would you see him again? Yes. She was a bit too drunk and felt sick by the time we got home so we both passed out. The next morning without saying anything about that prior night we had the most passionate intense sex we have had in years. It was obvious we were both so turned on. Couldn’t have asked for a better start to trying this lifestyle out and it was well worth the wait. &#x200B; **Update 2 - breakthrough with wife after 5 years - Dec 11, 2022** [https://www.reddit.com/r/HotWifeLifestyle/comments/zhxv18/update\_2\_breakthrough\_with\_wife\_after\_5\_years/](https://www.reddit.com/r/HotWifeLifestyle/comments/zhxv18/update_2_breakthrough_with_wife_after_5_years/) Over the past week my wife has been texting her new friend. They set plans to get drinks tonight. She hasn’t send him any naughty photos or sexted but the conversations are extremely flirty. She can’t hide her excitement and to be honest the sex has been incredible all week. We have been talking a little bit about what she will do and some ground rules but she’s been kind of insistent that it was just drinks and a movie back at his place. Regardless we played the hypothetical of if it happened what we would be comfortable with. This morning tho reality set in. We both woke up and we often have sex in the mornings on the weekend. She has been frisky all week so I was excited… yet she denied me. After a little back and forth she finally admitted why. If the hypothetical happened tonight she wanted to be nice and fresh for him. So basically she’s saving her pussy for another man. Don’t know if that’s actually a thing but that’s what she is doing. She also completely shaved this morning which she hasn’t done for awhile. I think at that point I knew her intentions and I think she is trying to pretend it will just be drinks but it’s obvious she will fuck him if she can. Which is great! But now I’m of course of having second thoughts. Over 5 years I never thought I would back out but now insecurity is creeping in. I keep thinking about this other man seducing her and fucking her better than I ever could. There is something very comforting about being her only partner ever - we have a decent sex life but she doesn’t really know anything else. All of this is extremely sexy in one way (that’s why I’m here) but also hurts in another crazy way. I can tell she’s excited and she is now fully into seeing him. She’s not as shy as she used to be about it- it’s almost like a new found confidence and something I have not seen. It is strange almost seeing her pushing for the next step now after being so deferential before. I am now currently trying to deal with all sorts of new insecure thoughts. I told her some of them and she on one hand is very understanding and said if I want her to cancel or just get drinks that is fine. But on the other I can tell she’s slightly annoyed that I encouraged this and now I might just pull it out from underneath her. Like I’m playing with her. She has a point. Im fairly sure I want her to go. I just know im going to be losing my mind while she’s gone. Our only ground rule is them using condoms. I wonder if there is anything else im missing here. Other than that my wife might become a hot wife tonight and sleep with only the second guy in her life. Absolutely nerve inducing but hopefully worth it. Update: I helped her get ready at about 8 pm. She was super nervous and excited. We both were. I asked her how likely she was to go home with him and she told me honestly she wanted to try it. She wore a sexy low cut blue shirt and a skirt with nylons and heels. Underneath she wore a black thong (she never wears thongs) She spent a lot of time making her make up and hair look amazing. It was so nerve racking watching her prepare like I have not see in years. She looked stunning. Her date actually couldn’t get to the bar until 9:30 so we delayed it a bit. I drove her to the bar and dropped her which was surreal since I was literally driving her to her date. Knowing when she left she probably wouldn’t be just mine anymore. I told her I loved her and how much I wanted her to have fun but safe . She said she loved me too and she would keep me updated - I could tell she was also super nervous but excited. Now it’s 11:30 and I just got a call from her and she’s going to go back to his place and watch a movie on Netflix. She said she is a little tipsy and he’s very cute. Ugh… it’s definitely happening. So insane. I actually thought about asking her to come home in that moment but couldn’t say it. I am very excited for her and waiting for the next update and to know when to pick her up. Her kissing him and him undressing her keeps running through my mind over and over. Update 2: she did it … she fucked him. Losing my mind now she sent me this text. Just a text but seeing it made me almost pass out. [https://imgur.com/a/2DSzHXx](https://imgur.com/a/2DSzHXx) (Image description \[via text messages\]: OOP's wife reveals that they had sex and is safe. OOP is elated and asks if she needs a ride home. His wife asks to stay a little longer and states that the sex was amazing and lasted so long. They make plans to pick her up later that night. ) Just a couple texts but now trying to read into what she is saying and waiting for her next text without spamming her.Update 3 . Speechless. She’s staying the night. [https://imgur.com/a/qQt4G5Z](https://imgur.com/a/qQt4G5Z) (Image description \[via text messages\]: OOP's wife reaches out and says they couldn't make it very far into the movie and had sex again. She asks if it's okay for her to stay the night. OOP tells her if she thinks it is a good idea then he is on board with it. He requests some kind of detail from their experience. OOP's wife tells him that the sex is "really, really good" and that he puts her in all sorts of positions that she's never tried before, including shower sex.) Update 4. Finally feel asleep around 4 am. Was so hard to sleep and so many thoughts racing through my mind. I kept trying to sleep but kept thinking of different scenarios with her and him. Thank you to some of the people that spent time distracting me to the fact my wife was having sex all night and sleeping in another guys bed. I got up this morning around 7 and was still horny. She hadn’t messaged me. So another couple hours of complete angst. She finally texted me around 10:30 that she was up and I could come get her anytime. Felt so weird driving over to the guys house to pick her up after what had happened. He lived in a really fancy apartment building and I waited outside. Finally seeing her come out was overwhelming I almost cried. I could wait to hug her so I got out of the car and just hugged her and she hugged me tightly and we told each other we loved each other. The first 5 minutes of the car ride were a little awkward like we both didn't know what to say or how to start talking about it. She was just saying she was so tired and didn’t sleep much. Of course I said so you were having sex all night . She responded yes pretty much haha. That kind of broke the ice and she was giggling but I could tell she was super tired. I didn’t want to push her on details especially since was so tired so I just told she can relax when she gets home and I support her love her and expressed how lucky I am. She def liked hearing that and said how lucky she is too. We got home and basically just cuddled until she fell asleep and she’s still sleeping now. I still don’t know too many details but I know she’s exhausted which is a good thing haha. I will update again when I hear more, but I think having her back took away a ton of my anxiety and now I’m just excited to hear more of what she did and maybe even have sex if she’s not too sore.Update 5: She ended up sleeping until about 3 pm. She was very sore and still kind of tired so I made her tea and gave her some Advil. I just told her I loved her and supported her and no rush with the details - I know it is probably a lot and you are still processing. She said thank you so much and she wanted to tell me but wanted have a couple hours to just act normal. We ended up grocery shopping and doing some errands.Later that night we made some cocktails and got into bed and she said are you ready to hear what happened. My heart was racing - almost thought I would have a heart attack. She asked me how detailed I wanted it and I said as much as you can remember. She made sure at first this will turn me on but what she went into depth. I will put some bullet points about what I remember.She got dropped off at the bar by me. They met up and she was so so nervous even more nervous than before. After one or two drinks they started really hitting it off he had his hand on her leg. She was wet already. They went to a darker spot in the bar and got a booth where they both sat on the same side. He had his hands on her and they started making out. She said he was an amazing kisser. His hands went under her skirt. She said she felt so naughty being like that at the bar but liked it surprisingly and didn't want to stop kissing him. They got a couple more drinks and she got pretty tispy until he finally got them an uber to his place.They made out in the back of the uber and his hands were all over her including up her skirt. They got to his place and she wasn't nervous anymore and she really wanted him. She also said they had a ton of chemistry. He made drinks and they started a movie but it quickly moved back to kissing and she got on her knees in front of the couch and gave him a blowjob. this was so hot as she doesn't do this often so she must have been super horny. I know I will get asked he was big. She was also a bit taken back by the fact he was uncut but she liked it. She really wanted to make him cum but he wanted to fuck her. He had her get undressed but stay on the floor sucking him until she was fully naked. He then told her to get on her back on the couch with her head on the arm rest. I asked her if she was nervous and she said she was honestly so horny and wanting him so bad she was almost begging for him to go faster getting the condom on. (ugh) She said he got on top of her and teased her while making out. She really enjoyed this part because he would get close to entering her but then rub against her. She got so wet she said that when he finally did it felt so so good. He started out slow and kept it slow for awhile and she said his tongue was down her throat. It felt very good. He then without her expecting it pulled out and flipped her over the arm rest and pulled her ass up and entered her from behind. she said the entire motion was so incredible and feeling him re-enter her and then she said he went hard, very hard. He held her hair and spanked her. It was rough sex. He then slowed down a bit and touched her clit and she came really hard. He then came also. She also told me he talked dirty to her which I've never done and she liked that also. She lay panting on the couch out of breath and he got her water. the both stayed naked and put a blanket on and got back to the movie. 15 minutes later she was in his lap and he was touching her body and they both were wanting another round. He then suggested the bedroom. While going to the bedroom she saw his bathroom which had a huge rain shower. He saw her staring and asked her to get in. She showered in front of him while he watched (hot) and he came in she gave him another blowjob in the shower. He then carried her out and put her on the sink and got another condom and fucked her on his sink and then carried her down to the floor and fucked her there.they then went to the bedroom where it was blur. They did tons of positions and she said it felt like an hour. She described as very rough again at some points slow and some kissing. Very acrobatic. He told her he wanted to finish on her face. She agreed. We have never done this and she had never expressed any interest in it whatsoever. she told me she was still a bit drunk and it kind of sounded fun. He straddled her with her on her back and came all over her face - a lot. Holy fuck. I am happy she was honest here but wow. My wife in that position is mind blowing and just stomach churning. I asked her if she liked it. face turns red - "yes". With his cum on her face she started getting up to clean up and she pushed her down and fingered her to another orgasm. Then she was able to clean herself off. Thought this was super hot. Getting late and he convinced her to just stay over. tried to go to bed naked but ending up touching each other again in bed. He put on another condom and tried to enter her but she was sore and it was hurting. Asked her if she had tried anal. Of course we have never done this either. This is almost unbelievable at this point. She has never shown interest in it and I have never seen her act like this - i mean very hot but i am shook. She said she wanted to try - for some reason she wanted to say yes to everything. He held her and used a finger at first with lube and then slowly worked his cock inside her. She told me it actually felt kind of good. When he went faster it started to hurt so they stayed slow. It started to hurt her after about 10 minutes so they both were exhausted at this point and fell asleep at about 6:00 am or so. This is why she has been very sore all day also.woke up about 9 am. They tried to have sex again but she was sore and he was also sore. I came and got her after this. Honestly did not expect her to go this far. She apologized during a lot and said she maybe was a bit too drunk. I encouraged her though and supported her during her telling me and saying it was all super hot which I think gave her more confidence to tell me everything. She also had her hand on my cock and knew I was hard. It didn't come up from either of us but its kind of obvious that we have never had sex like this. I don't ever remember her being this into it. To be completely honest I thought sex like this was made up and not really something that happened outside of fantasies or stories. I am hoping she has found a new side of her and maybe we can explore some of that. There are definitely feelings of insecurity and jealousy that I am processing and I did tell her and she said some comforting things, but still. However - I think the experience was good but very nerve inducing and I do feel closer to her somehow especially the honesty about it was so almost therapeutic knowing she will tell me anything. We decided to discuss next steps in the next few days while we still come down from this crazy event. Thank you for everyone who messaged me and all the advice. It helped to know how to react when she got home and give her space she said she had expected me to be all over her but it was so much nicer for her to tell me on her own time. **Update 3 - breakthrough with wife after 5 years - Feb 22, 2023** [https://www.reddit.com/r/HotWifeLifestyle/comments/118obph/update\_3\_breakthrough\_with\_wife\_after\_5\_years/](https://www.reddit.com/r/HotWifeLifestyle/comments/118obph/update_3_breakthrough_with_wife_after_5_years/) Back 2 months ago I wrote how my wife had her first hotwife experience after 5 years. I promised I would update and its taken awhile. The last 2 months have been a complete rollercoaster. I wanted to update as I think it will give people an idea of how things can go and maybe help other couples navigating. One thing I don't think I mentioned (but is relevant) in my original posts was that my wife and I were both virgins when we met. Of course sex was a bit awkward for both of us and looking back was fairly vanilla and mediocre. What I thought was good sex was me being selfish and not really finding what she liked. She also admitted she closed down and didn't communicate what she needed. This resulted in just kind of bland short sex once a week which only got exacerbated with time. One reason I started developing a fantasy around this was for another guy to sort of break the rhythm maybe have her feel more sexy. She is so hot and it was fun imagining her embracing her sexuality. Since I wasn't able to do it I started imagining someone else doing it. At the same time unbeknownst to me she was also a becoming frustrated and unsatisfied. She had made a new friend who was single and they discussed our sex life which then led her to finally bringing up my offers of a hotwife scenario. She had her first experience - linked above. Was probably the most intense night of my life. I did not sleep at all. I actually still think about her first night the most despite the rest of this update. Just the idea of her being with another man for the first time. Her telling me about it after. How nervous she was going to his place and undressing in front of him. Her heart racing. Realizing she was absolutely soaked. Then having the best sex of her life... She comes home. Too sore for sex. She is so tired she basically sleeps 17 hours straight. Finally get the details and they are insane. (posted on the link). We keep going over the details during the week. So so hot. But here some mistakes start happening. We don't have sex - she's somehow still sore days after. She continues talking to him and texting. Of course I'm super horny so I don't see any issue with it. I ignored that she did go way beyond what we agreed to. She stayed overnight. They tried anal. Over time how out of control the situation was started to seep in. In some ways her losing control and trying new things was exactly what I wanted but it was also not part of my fantasy anymore - it was hers and she was in control. As we talked about it more it was obvious she really enjoyed it - beyond what my fantasy for her was. She wanted more and as far as she felt I shouldn’t let her do this once and then get upset and yank it away from her. When we had talked before I didn’t expect it would go this well and had told her it would be ok for her to have a longer term partner and develop some sort of small emotional bond - this was something she said she needed. Now it was obvious this was happening as they spent the next week texting. We had a pre planned trip to Florida the following Sunday. The trip was planned to be 3 weeks during the Christmas holiday. She convinced me she wanted to go out with one last time before we left. My horny self said yes even tho at this point I was having second thoughts. She ended up going out with him again to a bar and sleeping at his place as I waited at home again. No photos . Not too many updates. I was tortured at home.I actually picked her up from his place on my way to the airport after packing her bag for her. After his she’s always in an amazing mood. It’s a sight to behold - just so happy and content. Picking her up it was obvious she just showered. Later I learned she had just given him a blowiob in the shower right before I was arriving to get her. We get down to Florida and we have 3 weeks to spend just ourselves. In my mind this is where a lot of the reconnection would happen. I was super excited to spend time talking about what she did with him and feel close to her. We didn’t have sex since she first saw him but I was justifying it that we would have plenty of time in Florida. The first night it’s going as planned we talk about they did that weekend which ended up being very wild. However she won’t have sex with me. She starts crying and admits they have not been using condoms. Tbh I had figured as much and was suspicious they were using them (other redditors privately messaged me to tell me it was likely they didnt) - I did trust her tho and were condoms were my one real rule. She admitted they used one for about 20 minutes the first night and had not since. This is again where I make mistakes. I’m horny and have not had sex in now weeks after so much stimulation. I just basically tell her it’s ok and that happens - I let my hornyiness get the best of me and I’m curious and want to know so bad why they stopped. I’m literally so hard hearing this even while she’s crying that she made a mistake. It’s overwhelming to know he’s been cumming in my wife’s pussy repeatedly over the past 2 weeks. Hearing her cry I wanted to comfort her and pretty much forgave her immediately. She agreed to get an STD test and to use condoms in the future but this was the reason - she said - she was avoiding sex. She wanted to protect me from her risky behavior. We ended up talking about him and the sex and I decided to just be completely open to what she felt with him and not judge her and support her. This advice I had gotten from people who messaged me since if I showed jealousy she would close up and hide things from me. Over time she got very honest - at my urging. I would coax it out of her what really happened and how she really felt. To put it lightly - her eyes were opened on the first night. The sex was very good - she felt like a women in her words (wanted, sexy, desired, naughty) She allowed herself to be vulnerable and explore - she admitted years with me had maybe closed her off to this stuff. This was her first time with another man and she had low expectations going into it but quickly he made her feel "animalistic". Her pussy was pounding so much she could feel it in her ears. She orgasmed with ease - and she let him dictate. She didn't feel embarrassed or shy - she wanted to show off for him. Could have been the alcohol but it doesn't matter because it still happened. After we went though this I started having real issues with what happened. It was hard to just support her and not worry and feel extremely insecure. I felt like in a way she had betrayed me. Not only the not using condoms but the way she told me of what she did. She sounded infatuated and just drunk on the sex. I could tell she was texting him often - even while being with me. She told me he wanted a photo of her bare pussy each morning when she woke up and she was obliging that request. In a way it was all personal jealousy when i wasn't horny - the fact this dude made her feel that way, a way i had not made her feel in 5 years. This would make me sick when I wasn't horny and make me cum when I was. I was also worried that she would start thinking she married the wrong guy. She was unstable also, bouncing between apologetic, euphoric, angry. Every since I had known her she had always been level-headed. Now I was seeing a new side to her - all caused by him. I don't want to go into all the details but we ended up arguing a lot. She realized she was being crazy but in a way she didnt care. She wanted to have the experience with him and she had a point that I let it happen. She wouldn't say this but she kind of set it up as she wanted to keep seeing him no matter what. People are going to kill me on this but I basically agreed to everything she wanted. I feel like this was a big turning point. I stopped fighting her and went back to finding what I enjoy in what she does. I accepted that I chose this now. One friend on reddit gave me good advice this was my only real opportunity to make this work. Our biggest mistake was both being so inexperienced getting into this. She didnt know how to control her feelings around sex and I didn't make boundaries. She is going to have to ride this out. She continued seeing him after we got back from Florida. I would say our relationship resembles more of a c-word relationship at the current state. I tried to have sex with her and couldn't get hard. I have not had sex with her since she has been with him. She sees him about once per week - they have wild and crazy sex trying all sorts of new things and I do love to hear about it after. She has started sending me photos of them together and getting me more involved that way. Things have actually gotten way better over the last few weeks. Right after Florida in early January I think she did actually think she was in love with him - she even said as much to him in the heat of the moment. Now things have definitely cooled down and they seem to see each other as sex buddies. Apologize for the huge delay in updating. Thank you for everyone who messaged me to give advice. I realize this is probably not what people want to hear and I am going to get demolished for how I handled it. I want to give people a true experience that I went through while trying to do this lifestyle. The main thing I learned was my fantasy was so much different from reality and so much different from her fantasies. My wife is a completely different person now - I still love her just as much but there is no doubt she has completely changed. She dresses sexy, she is is very confident, she has starting getting waxed, she loves sex (with him) she feels young, she is happy and fulfilled and aside from the arguments and missteps she is very grateful and loving to me. It all is all worth it to see her like that. &#x200B; **Last update 4: breakthrough with wife after 5 years - Sep 22, 2023** [https://www.reddit.com/r/HotWifeLifestyle/comments/16on6ss/last\_update\_4\_breakthrough\_with\_wife\_after\_5\_years/](https://www.reddit.com/r/HotWifeLifestyle/comments/16on6ss/last_update_4_breakthrough_with_wife_after_5_years/) After the last update they kept seeing each other through the spring. It included sleepovers and usually averaged one day a week and sometimes more. We morphed into a c-word relationship which looking back yes was hot (in some ways) but it totally benefited her. I was promised I would get to watch or participate and tbh that wasn’t really my interest starting out but when you are basically excluded it started sounding very good. This never happened due to her lover not allowing it. I think giving up all control was really the beginning of the end and becoming her c-word really led us down a spiraling path where I couldn’t say no to her. For most of the time I think she tried to make it work. But looking back now it was obvious she was slowly starting to feel more attached to him and tbh fall in love. Early on I got photos from her and him but slowly they stopped sending them. She would tell me in great detail what they did together and I would get off to it and it seemed like that was the one way we connected over it but that tailed off too. I was living almost vicariously through her. Their sex life was so vibrant and frankly animalistic. They needed each other. They tried everything and it was wild. It was really what I wanted but I couldn’t make it happen. They did things she never would have done before. Things she said were 100% off the table or stuff both of us didn’t know existed. On the other hand, My entire sexual life was based around what he did to her and if she would tell me or send a photo. I got one photo of her in a leash naked on her knees. I didn’t need porn after that. Unfortunately the sharing started slowing down after awhile despite them seeing each other often. I was literally feeding of whatever scraps they gave me. At a certain point - when I wasn’t horny- I realized how bad it had gotten and I could feel I was losing her and started panicking. I tried to beg her to slow down or even stop. I hated that I caused all this and now it was out of my control and I wanted control back. To my surprise she agreed to take a break and for awhile things seemed better. We took a vacation to Costa Rica together. In the end tho it just felt awkward. She admitted she missed her lover - we couldn’t get any spark back to have sex also. At the same time she independently had started saying she was non monogamous and claiming she had done a ton of research on the topic. This for her excused wanting a full relationship and could let her tell me it’s normal to have strong feelings for him. My main argument with her was I never agreed to let her have a full boyfriend.She then basically told me she owed him at least coffee to explain where were all at. At this point it was clear she didn’t really respect my opinion and I don’t think she even noticed it. She would try to placate me to keep me docile but after retrospection I do believe she was hedging her bets. I was proven right Imo. I don’t have full proof but it’s kind of obvious she wanted to have a full relationship with him for awhile (he had been flaky) and she was testing the waters there while keeping me on the back burner. She was setting the stage for a clean break if he was willing. After the “coffee” I think she got commitment from him that she wanted and basically it just went downhill from there. She pulled the non monogamous card and started seeing him more than 2 days a week. She even started saying she loves him. She stopped undressing around me. Tbh I was pathetic in this stage I just let her do whatever she wanted. I was honestly hoping he would break it off with her. That was my only hope. I was delusional. I kept thinking they would get bored but in some ways (I think) the anticipation between sessions made it more exciting. They would build up through sexting about what they wanted to do or try the next time they could meet. Then they would usually meet Saturday and she wouldn’t sleep. This would repeat. She was a totally different person at this point. I won’t say in a bad way but before all this she was shy and would defer. Now she was bright full of confidence any depression was gone. To me this was gut wrenching even tho I know I shouldn’t be selfish. She was in love and happy in a way that honestly she never was with me. I think internally I just gave up at this point and convinced myself she should be with him. I got my wish. She and him moved all their stuff out when I was gone. She dumped me and initiated a divorce and moved in with him. Quickly she changed. Any text I sent was not responded to quickly and if it was it was short. I finally started saying some pretty mean stuff to her and she told if I continued she would block me. She told me no contact was for my own good so I could move on. They live a couple miles from me and I often have this terrible idea of spying on them. What is crazy to me is how clean it was generally. We have mutual friends and they seem to be totally fine with her decision. Her parents are fine with it. In the end she found apparently true love and moved on from a dysfunctional relationship. The entire thing took a huge hit to my self esteem. I will admit I let myself go a little during the pandemic. Gained weight, hair loss unfortunately and when she met him she got in amazing shape started looking nice each day. He was in shape and her friends would swoon. It seemed all natural and predictable. Now months on I’m finally on the path to recovery. I found some friends on this sub that talked me through everything. Started running. Started accepting she won’t come back. Working on improving myself. So that’s where I’m at now. I won’t say the lifestyle is a cause for this happening - certainty not a solution to any issues you may have. My ex was her own person with desires and different things she wanted. I placed my own fantasies on top of hers and set off a ticking time bomb. When he and she met I couldn’t control what happened. They had amazing chemistry. We didn’t. For her that wasn’t a Hotwife fantasy that was love and a sign he was right for her. I would really caution against couples who are young and don’t have much experience. At the end of the day tho maybe her and I weren’t meant to be and now it’s my chance to find someone who wants me. Sorry if this is long and rambling I tried to fit the most relevant parts in but there is tons of stuff I’m missing. **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Breakthrough experience after 5 years with wife sleeping with another man on r/HotWifeLifestyle

CONCLUDED

BoricuaDriver

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/175hog8/breakthrough_experience_after_5_years_with_wife/

175i1zw

**The original poster is** u/ThrowRA-mild12 **and** u/ThrowRA-Mildattack12 **in** r/relationship_advice and r/TwoHotTakes &#x200B; TW: >!infidelity, child abandonment, drug abuse!< Mood spoiler: >!kinda weird!< \----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *This was posted on both* r/TwoHotTakes and r/relationship_advice &#x200B; [I (49f) am dating my husband's affair partner's dad (51m). She (24f) doesn't know. What to expect?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/15im82s/i_49f_am_dating_my_husbands_47m_affair_partners/) \- 05 August 2023 I don't know how to put this. But this is a bizarre situation. I used to be married to my husband Alan before we got divorced 3 years ago because he had an affair with the intern working in his office. Needless to say he made the typical excuses like "I fell out of love" "She makes me feel special" "Our sex life was boring". What makes it worse is his AP was my daughter's (24F) friend. So it was overall disgusting from his part. My daughter and son (21M) doesn't have a good relationship with their dads anyways. Especially my daughter having cut his dad off out of her life. I was pretty devastated to say the least. My whole world fell apart. I am still in therapy for some issues. Onto AP's Father and I: AP's father, Ezra knew about all of this. He once came into my house and apologized for his daughter's behavior and that he has taught her better than this. His wife abandoned him and his daughter when she was little. So, he hoped that AP knows about how much disappointed his father is. For some weird reasons we continued to talk. Probably because we were both betrayed spouses. He helped me go through with the pain. He eventually asked me out and said he hasn't had loving feelings for anyone since his wife left him. He knows it will make things complicated. I am also wrong. I was feeling vindictive at that point. In my mind, I kept playing "You can have sex with my husband, I can have sex with your dad". I know it is silly and childish. But after we started dating things have been great. He is a great partner and a lover. I do like Ezra. We have had multiple conversations about this. I had my doubts about it but so far no red flag. Ezra has expressed that he wants to tell his daughter about this. I am not sure what to expect. How can I tell her that I am sleeping with her dad. My daughter knows and thinks this is hilarious. Also the only reason I am continuing this relationship is because I know the AP will get bored of my husband one day. Because I heard whispers from outside that he is having troubles with the AP. Like what should I expect from this? How will I handle the AP when she gets to know about me and her dad? TLDR: I am sleeping with my husband's AP's dad and he wants to tell his daughter about our relationship. &#x200B; *OOP's original account was spammed so she made another update few days later because of public demand. This was made in* r/TwoHotTakes &#x200B; [I am the woman who is having an affair with ex-husband's AP's dad. I am here with an update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/15kc3ye/i_am_the_woman_who_is_having_an_affair_with_her/) \- 07 August 2023 I am really pissed off at reddit because they removed my account because they thought it was a spam. I already appealed but I still got no response. All my posts and comments were removed. But I think in r/relationship_advice they saved my post. post. Also why do you guys think this is fake? I mean what do I have to gain by making a fake story on reddit? Since a lot of you have asked for an update, I am giving you one. So before going on with the update I want to make one thing clear about my previous post. When I said I will am only continuing this relationship because I heard my ex and AP would break up, I meant that I am glad there would be less drama. Yes when I started dating Ezra, it was supposed to be a fling but I slowly developed feeling for him. I like him but this situation is complicated. Just imagine me being my ex-husband's step-MIL. It sound weird. That's why I am continuing the relationship. Ok, now for the update. Yesterday, AP came for lunch at Ezra's house. It was a surprise. I was there. When she saw me she asked what am I doing here. Ezra told her that he has been dating me for couple of months and this is what he wanted to tell her next week. He didn't know it would be too fast. AP was obviously not happy. She kept saying she doesn't approve it, it is so weird, how can he (Ezra) do this to her? There was screaming from her part and told me to get out. Ezra wanted to calm her down but nothing worked. I wanted to tell her to sit down and talk but she was about to grab me but before that Ezra stopped her. He also yelled at her that she has the audacity to tell him who he should date when she shamelessly dated a married man, and that too someone who is her friend's father. At least his relationship is inappropriate because we are both same age. She needs to look at her life and it's poor choices. She lost her friends, she lost respect in the eyes of her family, she almost lost her job because of her affair. She has no say in who he dates when she didn't listen to him about Alan (my ex). If it makes her uncomfortable she needs to deal with it herself. Because my ex and her relationship makes everyone uncomfortable. Ezra even said she was turning into her mother. A selfish women who abandoned her family. That seems to have triggered AP. She shouted that he must have done something. That is why she left him. She even made comments like my husband left me because I must have done something. Which is odd because while the affair was going on my husband wasn't distant at all. Or showed any signs of cheating. I got to know that from my daughter. There were few more screaming matches and she left. I honestly felt bad and then it hit me. She maybe carrying her anger towards her mother to her relationship. She must be under the impression that her mother must have left and cheated because something her father did. I don't know what lies my ex told her but she used that to justify her affair. In her mind she is saving a man from a bad marriage because she wanted to save her mom or dad. I know it sounds complicated but that's what I think. She is carrying trauma into her relationship. That very night, I sat down with Ezra and told him we need to take a break from out relationship. He said it is not necessary he doesn't want to talk to her anymore. I tried to explain things to him. Her daughter dating my husband has made things complicated enough. And me dating him would make this thing even twisted. And moreover, the issue seems to be bigger than us. His daughter needs him. She seems to be lost and confused. I mean her own mother had BPD and drug problem when she was 10 and left home. After 3 years when she came back things were a bit stable. Then again cheated and left when she was 18. I know 18 is an adult but she was still very little when her mom left. She never had that stable home and guidance. She is confused right now. She needs her dad now more than ever. He needs to focus on his relationship with his daughter first. It took a while but he agreed to at least give it a try. And yeah, I did get a really colorful message from my ex after his AP left. He said it was inappropriate and shit. I pointed out his hypocrisy that he didn't think it was inappropriate to fuck his daughter's friend or asked for my permission. Why does he think he has a say in my relationship? That's about it. I am really hurt. I do miss him but we are both adults with kids. We cannot act like children. If something happens, I will let you know. I don't know if reddit will remove my post or not. EDIT: I think I need to make it clear, I am not officially breaking up with Ezra. We are taking a pause or a break from our relationship. I talked to him today, he said he will try for few weeks, if nothing changes he will go NC regardless of where our relationship goes because he cannot have a toxic man involved in his family anymore. That is why I wanted to take a break so that he can focus on his daughter now and try one last time to talk some sense into her. &#x200B; *Some comments:* Senior\_Value\_ >You are being callous by breaking with him. You know very well where he stands. He wanted to make it work with you. His daughter is completely and entirely wrong in this whole situation, and if she can't come to terms with his relationship with you, it's on her to learn how to deal with it. > >But you seem to have entered in this relationship with such a feeble resolution. If so, it would have been better if you hadn't begun it at all. I feel sorry for him. The man is alone now. He can't stand his daughter. And you gave his daughter what she really wanted, for him to be alone. Do you think she's one to have empathy and go back to have a healthy relationship with her dad? I'm sorry, but you made an already bad situation become even worse. OOP's reply: >I think me and Ezra both know what is best in this solution. No matter how shitty his daughter acted she is still his daughter and I know he misses her. You think this is fair to anyone to keep a father away from his daughter? Also, I am not officially breaking up with him. We are taking a break so that he can focus on his daughter. I just talked to him, he said he will try ones last time to talk some sense into his daughter after that he will go NC with her regardless of where our relationship stands. > >Only time will tell. I do have feelings for him. But I think it is best we pause or relationship so that he can focus on his relationship with his daughter. &#x200B; Further on AP from OOP's comments: >If I am being honest, she already had her consequences. She lost her friends. She became friends with my daughter in college, they were roommates. All her friends dropped her. Her reputation was tarnished, she lost her father, the only family she had. She almost lost her job. Nobody trusts her. > >I know she did me wrong but she is was still in her early 20s when this happened. People in their early 20s are still learning a lot of thing. Heck, if I could go back in time, then I would stop myself from marrying my ass of an ex-husband. Ezra and I talked about this. He is willing to try out something and talk some sense into her. We are not officially breaking up. Just taking a pause. &#x200B; [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/16v4oo0/update_2_i_am_the_woman_who_is_having_an_affair/) \- 29 September 2023 I still haven't got my account back after countless appeal. I know a lot of you have been asking for an update. I know people are invested in this story. Things are normal now. Ezra and I are back to normal. It has been 2 weeks since. I don't know in details what happened. But I am just sharing what Ezra shared. He and his daughter had talks and fights about this whole situation. His daughter's defense is that I am a selfish woman. My ex was unhappy in his marriage. I am only dating her dad to get revenge on her. Ezra retaliated and said if she has any other proof of me mistreating my ex-husband other than his words. How does she know he is not lying to get into her pants? How does she know if he was the one who mistreated me in our marriage? She made a lot of assumptions about me without even knowing me. She doesn't understand the lies and manipulation he told her just to get her. That a man telling you he is going to leave his family of 30 years for you is not something to be proud. If a man can betray his family so easily for a younger woman he can betray anyone, even her (his daughter). Also lastly he said she has no right to say anything against his relationships when she didn't even listen to any of the word and advices he had against dating my ex husband. She lost her right to judge him the moment she became a homewrecker. She said that she is an adult and she can do whatever she wants but she is a hypocrite if she objects her father's relationship. If she is uncomfortable with me around then she should suck it up. Just like he is still uncomfortable with her dating a 50 year old man whose daughter is almost the same age as she is. As for my ex husband he hasn't stopped commenting how weird this is. I shut him down by saying him dating a girl same age as his daughter is weirder. At least I am dating someone closer to my age. Did he really give a shit about what his daughter is feeling when he is out here fucking her former friend? Then he has no right to call this weird. I don't know if my ex and AP will stay together or not. I think she will make it work somehow just to spite her own father. But from what I have seen she has been doubting her relationship with my ex. Ezra got her into therapy. He is also attending along with her. And we got back together because we both realized we have strong feelings for each other. We are already very old, we have come a long way in our life. Our children are grown. We have achieved all the milestones and now we just want to relax and have fun. Bonus I don't have to have pregnancy scares because I can tell I am already going through menopause. That's it. I may update again if something big happens. &#x200B; **Reminder, I am not OP.**

OOP is dating the mistress's dad. + UPDATES

ONGOING

Genuine_friend012

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/175i1zw/oop_is_dating_the_mistresss_dad_updates/

175p4f3

I am NOT OP. Original post by u/ThrowRAnotmydad113 in r/AITAH trigger warnings: >!child abandonment!< mood spoilers: >!generally positive!< &#x200B; **Original BoRU is** [**here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1527wyu/wibtah_if_i_ask_my_stepdad_to_walk_me_down_the/) **posted by** u/ParadoxicalState **on July 17 2023** **New Update is from September 25th 2023.** *I've also added some comments in for the first 2 posts.* &#x200B; [**WIBTAH if I ask my stepdad to walk me down the aisle instead of my dad?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14nnjw5/wibtah_if_i_ask_my_stepdad_to_walk_me_down_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **- Sat, July 01, 2023** When I (28f) was 4 years old, my dad cheated on my mom with his now wife and mom divorced him. She got 50-50 on the custody. I hated going to my father's house because I didn't want his wife to tell me what to do. My dad reduced his time when he got married. I was 6 at that time and wasn't even invited to his wedding, but his step kids were. His excuse was that I am still bitter and will ruin the ceremony. Overtime, he only paid just the child support and I was completely neglected. When my dad had my half brother, he was busy with him and ignored me. He even stopped taking me to his house for the weekends. He would ignore me. He would tell me that he wouldn't talk to me unless I act like a good child aka call my stepmom "mom" rather than her name. He would make excuses not to take me to ice-cream or do any activities. There was a time when I graduated elementary school and he promised that he and I will go fishing. He ghosted me and told my mom there was an emergency. I was again abandoned. By that time my mom started dating my stepdad, Lenny. Lenny was the father I never had. He was a single dad but he still treated me like his own child. He taught me how to swim, how to drive my car, he attended all the school functions I was in. He was there every time my dad abandoned me. I went very low contact with my dad, only contacting him on Christmas. I don't even call him on father's day. So fast forward to now, I am getting married. I have asked Lenny to walk me down the aisle because he is the only dad I have ever known. My dad and his family will be coming as a guest. This infuriated my dad. He told me I am his only daughter. I shouldn't keep him away from his rights as a father. I am getting calls from his side of the family too. My father is upset and I am sidelining him. According to him, he has been a great father and I am being unfair to him. Also he doesn't want Lenny to walk me down the aisle at all. I told my dad he can walk his stepdaughter on the aisle and he will only be a guest. I have made my decision. He called an asshole and told me he didn't paid child support just so I could grow up to be an ungrateful brat. So was I wrong? I know he is my dad but I just don't feel like he is. &#x200B; **Comments** User1: *Just tell him he's still bitter and will ruin the ceremony. Uninvite him. ETA Definitely NTA* User2: *Op could also tell him that he may have been a good dad it just wasn't to op, and the only one who is acting like a brat is the one who is supposed to be the father.* User3: *I wouldn't tell him that, walking your daughter down the aisle is a privilege not a right. He may have fathered her but he sure as hell wasn't a good dad.* &#x200B; [**UPDATE: WIBTAH if I ask my stepdad to walk me down the aisle instead of my dad?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/14vwsq8/update_wibtah_if_i_ask_my_stepdad_to_walk_me_down/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **- Mon, July 10, 2023** Sorry guys, I didn't get the time to respond to replies. But I did read them in my spare time. I am currently at the airport waiting for our plane to our honeymoon so I thought I should give you an update. And I got married 2 days ago. I can say that I am relieved to know people don't think I am doing the bad thing. So, I did just that. I just texted my dad that I am not changing my decision, if he wants to come to my wedding he can. I am not going to force him. That didn't work. He called my mom and asked to talk to me about this situation. I was hoping he would drop this but no. He had to act as an entitled person. I wrote him a long ass message. I did not want to talk to him without getting interrupted. My dad interrupts a lot. I told him that give me one good reason that I should let him walk me down the aisle when he never been a dad in my life. He never cared enough to make his marriage work with mom and decided to betray her and our family. Despite all of that I still loved him but every time he left me and abandoned me. Lenny has been my dad growing up. I doubt he even knows anything about me. He is just some guy who used to pay my child support and with whom I share DNA. He is nothing like my dad because he missed all the big events in my life. He never cared or even tried to be there for he and he has the audacity to call me his daughter. Since he didn't do his fatherly duties, I don't think I should do any daughter duties towards him. How can he possibly think he could "give me away" when he already gave me away 20 years ago. Few minutes go by and then he calls me and asks if this is what I have thought about him my entire life. I asked him where was he when I was graduating? Where was he when I won first prize in my dancing competition? Where was he when I needed someone to guide me? I dare him to tell me one thing about me. How much does he know me? When was the last time he initiated any conversations with me? He went silent. He asked me if I was still mad about the past? I told him past was the reason I know he is an unreliable man. All these years if he has taught me anything it is that he is a shitty father and someone like him cannot be trusted. I made the biggest mistake of my life believing he would come through. The only reason I never even bother because of what he did in the past. Lastly I will not push him to come to my wedding. That is his choice. It's not he is paying for it anyways. That was it. Later I got a message from my stepmom that what I said has broken my father. He is very much upset. I told her well if he upset by the truth then he shouldn't have asked and pushed my buttons. He has ignored me all my childhood. He doesn't get to play the dad. My wedding went smoothly. I would say majority of my father's side of the family bailed. I had mom's side and some of Lenny's family as well. But overall it was fine. I cannot be more thankful to Lenny. Though it still hurts getting betrayed by my own dad but I am okay. My kids will know Lenny as their grandfather. &#x200B; **Comments** User 1: >He went silent. He asked me if I was still mad about the past? *Good grief. Way to try and shift the blame to the victim! What a jerk he is. A good friend of mine didn't have her father walk her down the aisle -- she had her mother do it. Her dad was invited to the wedding, but he was just another guest.* *You did the right thing.* >**OOP :** He didn't come. In a way I am glad he and his wife skipped it because I would be worrying about his sulking face. User1: *Just a thought -- have you thought about asking Lenny to adopt you? Adult adoptions are a thing -- I adopted my (used to be) stepson when he was 23.* >**OOP:** Never really thought about it. Lenny is married to my mom so it never occurred to me that I needed to be adopted. He always treated me like his child. He basically adopted me. But we never finalized the papers &#x200B; **\*\*New Update Starts Here** \*\* [**FINAL UPDATE- Aita if I ask my step dad to walk me down the aisle and not my dad?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16rtyhz/final_update_aita_if_i_ask_my_step_dad_to_walk_me/) **- Mon, Sept 25th, 2023** It's been a long time. I am here with an update. I am not sure how many of you remembered my last post. First and foremost, I am pregnant. I am really really excited about my pregnancy. My mom and step-dad has been really happy. I was NC with my dad after the wedding. From my mother, I came to know he wanted to contact me. I don't know what excuses does he have now. My mom didn't give me his number or any contact information. I guess he heard about my pregnancy and wanted to contact me. I haven't heard from him but heard from my aunts that he has been devastated since the wedding. He wanted to come to my wedding but he wasn't sure if I wanted him there. I mean even if he is not walking me down the aisle I still wanted him at my wedding. They have been pushing me to talk to my dad and at least hear him out. I don't think I can. He was been pining over the fact that he will not get to see his first grandchild. He is very upset and cries all the time. My step-mom also called me from a different number to persuade me to talk to him. She says I am breaking their family by being petty and I should just let it go. My father is sorry for everything. Well, I responded in a very mean manner which I sort of regret. I told her "You mean like you broke my family 20 years ago by sleeping with my father?" She says I am being bitter about things that happened 20 years ago. It wasn't just 20 years ago, it was 20 years of neglect and countless therapy sessions. Some wounds just don't heal. They are so severe that you have to amputate that part of you forever. But I don't think she understood anything I said. My father has other biological children. Since he was there for them all the time maybe he should seek them out to give him grandchildren and not the forgotten daughter he threw away because he prioritized his dick over her. Sorry for this long rant. I am just a bit emotional. And someone suggested that I should ask my step-dad to adopt me. I am happy to say we are in that process. As for my sperm donor, maybe someday I will have it in my heart to forgive him. But not now. Maybe that day will never come. &#x200B; **Comments** User1 *If you want to establish a “friendship” with your biological father, then set boundaries. And if he crosses those boundaries, well, that’s for you to decide. If you’re not ready, then you’re not ready. Don’t let anyone push you into something you’re not sure of. As for your biological fathers wife, she doesn’t get a say so in what you decide to do or not. If you don’t want your biological father around your child, that is YOUR decision and she can’t persuade you otherwise.* >**OOP:** I just didn't want to be disappointed anymore you know. I tried and tried again and again but it will not happen. He will never change. Every time I see him I see betrayal User2: The nerve of the home-wrecker accusing you of breaking up their family. >**OOP:** It was kinda hilarious to hear her gasp as if I accused her of murder lol. User3: *Good for you for continuing to stand up for yourself and now your family! He wasn’t there for you when you cried for so many years, so why the hell are you expected to turn around and parent him 20 years later? It’s not your fault his delusion of what his “family” looks like is now broken because he was entirely absent and now must acknowledge the consequences of his actions.* *Keep him away from your kid, and I wish you a life time of peace!*  &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

[Final Update] WIBTAH if I ask my stepdad to walk me down the aisle instead of my dad?

NEW UPDATE

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/175p4f3/final_update_wibtah_if_i_ask_my_stepdad_to_walk/

175xrig

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/hjalmundal **Originally posted to** r/offmychest **Thank you to** u/Direct-Caterpillar77 **for suggesting this to the BoRU** **My dad begrudges spending money on me** Trigger Warnings: >!child neglect, emotional abuse, infidelity!< --- &nbsp; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/zu6asi/my_dad_begrudges_spending_money_on_me/?share_id=diIw4lEIsInwEpDYn8ZDt&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) \- **December 24, 2022** I've changed the names in this in case anyone finds it and recognises it. I need this off my chest as it bothers me a lot and has been for more than a decade now. My (24f) parents split when I was 9 years old; they were teenagers when they had me and I remember their relationship wasn't always the greatest when they were together. Lots of arguments and shouting. When they split, I stayed with my mother (42f) in the house they had bought together, whilst my dad (41m) moved away to live with a friend of his, 'Mike'. That was a lie: Mike was actually Emma, whom he'd been seeing whilst he was still with my mum. Dad eventually married Emma but then they divorced a few years later; he's now with another woman, Jane. After my parents split, my dad didn't bother to see me for months, and paid nothing towards my mum to help take care of me; he later tried to have us kicked from the house so he could redecorate it and sell it, despite me and mum having nowhere to stay. Eventually, mum found us a rented place nearby to live in. We lived there for nearly ten years, during which time my dad finally started to visit me and also paid Child Support, though very reluctantly. He was unwilling to help my mum in other ways: once, my school shoes were ruined when the weather had been consistently bad for weeks and my mum couldn't afford a new pair, so my dad gave her the money then skimmed it off the next Child Support payment. I should note here that my dad is an engineer and has always earned at least 10k more a year than my mum, who is a secretary; for most of my teenage years, my mum was on less than 20k a year whilst supporting the both of us. My dad's ex-wife was also an engineer, and his current girlfriend earns somewhere along the lines of 22k. Even though he earned more, my dad begrudged having to pay for me. Whilst he was with his ex-wife, I was rarely invited to any outings. When I was 13, he stopped putting my name on Christmas and birthday presents to family members and insisted I now had to get my own; since I obviously didn't have a job or an allowance, this usually fell on my mum or other family members to pay for. For my 18th, he promised to take me to Glasgow for a comic con there, but it was cancelled; I can't remember the exact reason, but I believe it was because a celebrity we were hoping to meet had cancelled attending. Either way, I never got an 18th birthday present as he offered no replacement. A similar thing happened for my 21st: he booked to take me to the Warners Bros. Studio Tour in London, but then convinced me to cancel a couple of weeks before we were due to go due to the bad weather for driving down (the weather turned out to be fine). We were supposed to rebook when the Covid pandemic hit, and he's occasionally mentioned rebooking the trip since restrictions have lifted, but he is yet to make any plans and I doubt he will fulfil this, just like my 18th. He has also recently stopped paying for me if we go for something to eat; I wasn't too bothered by this (as I am in my 20s) until recently, when I realised he had only stopped paying for me once I decided to attend uni. I only started attending when I was 21, and whilst I was working from age 17-21, he always paid for me; now that I have my student loan, I pay for myself and a few times he has convinced me to pay for his and his girlfriend too. I don't know if this is because he thinks I have some surplus of money because I really don't: I pay rent, my phone bill, commute expenses etc. Recently, I have been very short on money; I have started my masters degree and the loan is a lot less, not to mention I work in a pub that's rather quiet so I only have 1 or 2 shifts a week, and that money typically pays for my commute or my lunches that week. When he asked if I wanted to go for something to eat one weekend last month, I knew I wouldn't be able to afford it so I turned it down, and he didn't offer in any way to spot me one time; where we were going, it would've cost around £15, max, to help me out one time, and I would've offered to pay him back once I had the money. The boiling point this year was last week, when his girlfriend admitted to me that they hadn't bought me anything I had asked for for Christmas. This wouldn't bother me, except I had asked for three books that I desperately want to read. Her excuse was that they were budgeting so they had to buy presents early on, but I sent them my list in October, and one of the books was £7. If he had gotten me that, and only that, I would've been happy, I want to read it. Instead, I'm getting a bunch of things that I dont want or need; they always get me makeup that goes to waste. It's especially frustrating this year as I have gone out of my way to pay extra for postage to get their Christmas presents on time, AND I got them things that they asked for, yet they can't even return the favour for me? My dad did have an accident this year with his hand that put him out of work for a while on sick pay, and he has been on strike a lot, as I suspect a lot of people have, so I understand that he's shorter on money this year. But, again, one of the books was £7, and this is without even mentioning the fact that he has a brand new car - a made to order BMW - thst he got just a couple of months back, and a four bedroom house. At my undergrad graduation, he was bragging about all this to my mum, the same woman he couldn't be bothered helping to raise me for years. I can't even bring this up to my dad if I wanted to, he always turns things around on me as if it's my fault. When I was 16, I was upset that every time I saw him, we would just go into town and wander around bored for ages, whilst he ignored a lot of what I was saying. When I told him about this, he said it was my fault because I never gave any ideas for alternative plans. Another time, he berated me until I was crying when I had mentioned we rarely talk because it was my responsibility to get in touch with him, ignoring how he rarely got in touch with me. It's just incredibly frustrating, especially as he plays the doting father-of-the-year in front of others. I'm at the point now where I don't care much for him; I'm tired of being seen as some kind of financial burden, and I don't see why I should have to keep forking out to make sure he gets what he wants for his Christmas and birthday and whatever when he can't do the same in kind for his only child. I'd rather spend my time and energy on the parent who's always been there for me, not the dad who only occasionally decides he wants to be one. This might sound bratty, especially the money and presents, but it's nearly sixteen years in the making and I am very tired. I just needed to vent this somewhere, as my dad will likely never change, and bringing it to him directly is something I'm not mentally prepared for. &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** ***RobbieBlaze:*** *It's good to be aware. I think you are on the path of the right decision for you. If you don't feel like he is putting the effort in he's probably not, and that's leading to an even more stressed relationship.* *You can continue which will inevitably lead to you breaking communication completely once these feelings boil over. Or You can be direct and let him know where he stands and where you stand which will create the space for positive change to come through.* *The only downside would be if he went absentee but it sounds like he's already there.* *Good luck op* >**OP:** I feel a bit silly that's it's taken me so long to finally reach boiling point, others have been warning me for years and I've ignored it and let it get to this point. > >I think I'm on the track for breaking communication. Rather than being direct because I'm scared it gets turned round on to me, I've let me grandparents (his parents) know about all this, as they were largely unaware, and they're not happy at all. We're keeping peace over Christmas but my nan refuses to let it sit. I think it will end in no contact but honestly that doesn't bother me as much as it would've ten years ago. > >Thank you 🩷 &nbsp; [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/170sveh/update_my_dad_begrudges_spending_money_on_me/) \- **October 5, 2023** Around nine months ago, I posted here about money issues surrounding my dad. The TLDR is that my dad just does not like spending money; he's promised me this big presents over the years and cancelled them without making plans to rearrange or get something else, and begrudged getting me a £7 book that I really wanted last Christmas because they were 'budgeting'. For Christmas last year, one of the presents he got me was a pack of baubles - not proper ones but cheap, plastic things with Harry Potter stickers on. He also got me a cheap, Primark version of an oodie, also Harry Potter. It just goes to show how little he knows about me; I'm not nearly as obsessed with Harry Potter as I was when I was 14, because I've grown up and because I disagree with JKR's views. If he bothered to know me or listen to me, he'd know this and would have realised I'm more into ASOIAF and Lord of the Rings and video games now. He should also know that a pack of baubles isn't an appropriate Christmas present; quite literally everyone who has heard about this has questioned it or called it pathetic, the only people defending it are my dad and his girlfriend. One of the things I mentioned in my previous post was that he had bought tickets to the Warner Bros. Studio Tour in London for my 22nd; the trip got cancelled because of Covid and then he never rebooked it. Well, my mum and her boyfriend, David (fake names, in case someone finds and recognises this) got annoyed with his empty promises and ended up paying for me and her to go together. I wasn't all that bothered about not going anymore, through the combined disappointment from him and also the reasons mentioned above, but we still went and I had a great day out. My dad wasn't happy; he always had a sour face and a noticeable dip in his mood whenever it was brought up, and he was very uninterested in my pictures when I tried to show him. If he was so annoyed that my mum took me in the end, he should've made plans to take me instead of leaving my in limbo. The real problems arose this summer. I was asked to dog sit for him over two weekends in August; the second time was for a cruise he and his girlfriend Jane were going on; I should note that Jane won the cruise through her job, so they didn't pay for it. At the time, I was only working one shift a week, and had to take that shift off in order to be free to dog sit for them; my job is cash in hand, so I wasn't paid at all that week. When my dad and his girlfriend returned, they didn't offer me any payment, or even bring back something small. I'm not even really bothered about the payment, but some acknowledgement of the fact that I took time off work, missed out on wages, and looked after their dog and their house for a weekend would've been nice, even if it had just been a keyring or a magnet. When my nan pointed out that it was wrong of him to not offer me payment, my dad said they'd bought food in for me. Wow, good job feeding your daughter whilst she dog sits for you, father of the year. Before they went away, my dad mentioned that he wasn't seeing my nan and grandad - his parents - for a while because they never come to see him. Not only did this upset because it caused upset with them, but it also meant that he had an excuse to not see me; we only ever went to my nan and grandads when he came over to see me, and he didn't bother seeing me at all from the start of July besides when I was dog sitting, which just shows to me that he doesn't want to see me either. Things came to a head in mid-September. Jane texted me to say that since no one in the family had invited them to any Christmas dos, they would be staying home; they added that they wouldn't see me until my birthday, so I wouldn't see my dad or my grandparents at all unless I made arrangements. When I spoke to my grandparents, they said they hadn't invited them to anything because it was only September and they weren't even thinking about Christmas, which is completely understandable. It annoyed me more than my dad got Jane to message me instead of doing it himself; he's a coward. I ended up getting annoyed enough that I sent a long text detailing a lot of these problems to him. I will admit that I got snippy with him did swear a bit, and I called him pathetic after his response, where he said "I'm sorry you feel that way" and "you're entitled to your own opinion" instead of a proper response. I blocked him and Jane on Facebook and WhatsApp, but I didn't block their numbers. Jane later sent me a very long response message - during which she tried to guilt trip me over the baubles because apparently she bought them, saying "clearly I need to stop buying Christmas presents", and then over wanting to be paid for dog sitting, as she thought it was "just something nice family does for each other". She contradicted herself later by claiming she and my dad were planning on doing something for me this month to say thank you, which I don't believe for a second. Jane also said that she and my dad were in such dire straits with their finances last year that they almost lost their house. My reaction to that was to wonder then why does my dad have his brand new, made to order BMW? Why does Jane have a BMW? Why do they need a four bedroom house that they can't afford when there's only two of them living there? I understand my dad had his accident, but he can't brag about these things to me and my mum and then say they're in debt. And, if they were in such bad straits, they should have told me; I would've understood and told them to not bother getting me anything, I'd rather have nothing than people going into debt for me or getting me shit I don't want. I got very angry with Jane, though, as she was the one to send me the message. She claimed my dad tried to send it on WhatsApp but he was blocked, but I haven't blocked his number, so he could've text me. Instead, he let his girlfriend do it after I had a go at him for letting his girlfriend do his dirty work for him in my initial text. I called him out on this, and did call both of them pathetic. Her response was that he was at work, so I didn't bother replying again. I'd had enough, and knew I would say something awful. A lot of people are against me cutting them off for good; even my mum thinks it would be best to talk to him face to face and at least be on Christmas/birthday card basis. However, when my grandparents asked him about the situation, he summarised it as I sent a message full of bad language where I was upset I didn't gry good enough presents and that he doesn't give me enough money. That killed any desire to talk to him at all. He completely glossed over how unwanted and unappreciated he makes me feel, how he brags about his amazing life and victimises himself constantly; he's a narcissist and I'm done with him. I do feel bad in some aspects, as he's a much better dad that what some people get stuck with, but I'm also so done. If I come across as bratty or selfish then that's fine, I just don't want anything to do with him anymore. &nbsp; **Relevant Comments** ***Lucycrash:*** *I know, what kind of adult wouldn't want their father to show love or that they care about them. /s* *Your dad and his girlfriend don't care about anyone but themselves. I'd cut them off OP, but ultimately it's your choice. You want to just send cards that's fine. My dad wasn't the best at paying child support for me (his excuse was the money wasn't going to just me. It helped keep a roof over my head, not just my mom and half brothers), but he always made sure I knew he loved me more than anything and spoiled me as much as he could on his weekends. He wasn't perfect, but I love him and miss him every day. I'm sorry yours sucks so much.* >**OP:** I know right, how dare I expect to be shown some appreciation from my literal dad? > >Yeah, to be honest I'm perfectly fine never speaking to either one of them again. I'll probably end up on card sending basis at some point - if anything to keep the peace with his side of the family, because my grandparents are obviously very upset about the whole situation but choosing to not take sides - but for the foreseeable future I'd rather pretend he just doesn't exist. > >Your dad doesn't sound perfect like you say, but he does sound like he was actually making an effort for you &nbsp; **DISCLAIMER: OOP HAS UPDATED AFTER THE BoRU WAS POSTED** **SO PER RULES UPDATE IS INCLUDED** **Editor’s Note: OOP posted in a new sub** r/marknarrations [**Update #2**](https://www.reddit.com/r/MarkNarrations/comments/179191w/re_my_dad_begrudges_spending_money_on_me/) - **October 16, 2023** Hey y'all! OP of 'My dad begrudes spending money on me' here. A few people have messaged or commented to let me know that Mark covered my story in a recent video. I did leave a comment on the video, but I'm assuming it got lost amongst everyone else's, and I wanted to DM on Twitter but for some reason didn't have the option to, so I'll leave a message here instead. I just wanna say thank you to Mark for the kind words, and thank you for his offer to buy me those books. It was very sweet! You needn't worry, though, as thankfully my nan on my mum's side swooped in and bought them for me, so I did get to read them - and they were great! I also wanna say thank you to everyone in the comments, and the people who have messaged me since, for the kind words and the advice they've given me. Small update I guess but it's been about a month now since I everything happened, I haven't spoken to my dad or his girlfriend once and I feel great. I don't have any plans to talk to him for the foreseeable future, and thankfully no one is pushing me to reconcile now. To those who were saying I left it too long, yes, I agree, I definitely did; I think part of me was hoping he'd buck up eventually but then I finally snapped out of it, realised it wasn't going to happen, and decided to just move on with my life. I've completed my Master's Degree now, I've got a job interview on Thursday; life's looking up. Thank you again for all the advice and well wishes, and thank you too Mark for your offer! 🩷 &nbsp; **REMINDER - THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT OOP**

My dad begrudges spending money on me

NEW UPDATE

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/175xrig/my_dad_begrudges_spending_money_on_me/

175xrsj

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/ThrowawayNewRing](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowawayNewRing/). He posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Mood Spoiler:** >!happy ending!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16pd365/aita_for_forcing_my_brother_to_buy_me_a_new/)**: September 22, 2023** I'm (26M) proposing to my girlfriend (24F) on our 4th anniversary, September 30th. I've been planning this for about a month, and I picked the ring a couple weeks ago. The one I got was on sale, so I managed to get it at a surprisingly low price. Last weekend, I told my brother (33M) about my plans, and showed him the ring. He informed me that he was proposing to his girlfriend (29F) as well. The next day, my brother came to my apartment while my girlfriend was out. He asked me if he could "borrow" my ring to propose to his girlfriend. I thought he was joking at first, but no. His plan was to propose to his girlfriend, explain he was using my ring as a "placeholder" and then take her to pick her own ring later. His reasoning was that he didn't want to spend too much money right away in case she didn't say yes. I'd never heard of "placeholder rings", so I said no and the conversation moved on. On Tuesday, he proposed to his girlfriend. With my ring. He'd taken it before leaving my apartment. I got distracted at work and didn't notice it was gone until his fiancée sent a picture of herself wearing the ring to our family group chat. I called him to ask about the ring, and he immediately apologized and said he'd "keep his promise" and give it back to me. But at this point, my girlfriend had seen it and his fiancée had posted about it on social media, so it was pointless for me to propose using the same ring. We fought about it, and he confessed that while he'd told his fiancée the ring was a placeholder, he didn't tell her where he'd gotten it from. I felt more angry and betrayed about him going behind my back and taking the ring after I said no than the fact that he stole it. I also know his fiancée enough to know she wouldn't like to learn her engagement ring had been stolen from me, so I told my brother I'd tell her the truth if he didn't buy me a new engagement ring. He fought against it for a few hours, but finally gave up and agreed. We went to a different jewelry store yesterday, and I picked a new ring. I managed to stay in the price range, but the new one was still $100 more expensive. My brother bought the ring, but is still accusing me of being inconsiderate and childish. He is insistent he would have given me the ring back had I given him the opportunity, and I didn't need to threaten him to spend so much money on me. He's now refusing to talk to me. I don't know how to feel about this anymore. I'd usually talk to my brother about these things, and it's surreal that he's the one I'm fighting. I can't tell my girlfriend, and many of our friends overlap. The only other person who knows about this is our mom, who's divided: she thinks what my brother did was wrong and I'm right to be pissed at him, but I didn't have to stoop as low as I did by threatening his relationship. AITA? EDIT: Accidentally called my girlfriend "fiancée". I'm proposing to her on Saturday. I can't tell her about this because I want the proposal to be a surprise. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Does bro have some illness or impairment that could excuse this or is he just the worst?* "He's actually never done anything like this before. We usually have a great relationship. He was the first person I wanted to tell when I first started dating my girlfriend and that I'm proposing to her now." *There's no way both fiancées won't find out, so make sure you tell your girlfriend (soon-to-be fiancée)* "I'll definitely tell her, but only after I propose. I'm considering telling my brother's fiancée as well, but I haven't decided yet." "I will tell my girlfriend after I propose. I spent a lot of time planning a proposal she'd like, and I don't want this situation to get in the way. We've been talking about our future together (marriage, kids and careers) for a while now, so this is really important to me." *What are you going to do if your gf wants that original ring?* "I actually think she'll like the new one better. I personally prefer it. But it might be because it's hard to even look at the first one now." *How long have bro and his girlfriend been together?* "Three years, give or take." *Parents:* "My dad died five years ago. I'm still talking to my mom about this, and she seems to be leaning towards my side, but I'll put more distance between us if she decides to side with my brother." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/170ig20/update_aita_for_forcing_my_brother_to_buy_me_a/)**: October 5, 2023 (about 2 weeks later)** First, the good news: my girlfriend and I are engaged! I proposed to her on our anniversary, just as I'd planned. She said yes, and we both cried. I love this woman, and I can't wait to marry her. Also, my brother's single. A couple days after my post, my mom called me and apologized. After thinking it through, she realized that while I did threaten his relationship, my brother had brought it upon himself. She confronted him the next day, and he ended up confessing that he wasn't going to propose until I said I was. My brother is older, but I've hit many milestones earlier than him. He never seemed bitter about it. We've always been close and supported each other, which is why I was completely blindsided by what he did. Finding out I was proposing made him panic. He spontaneously said he was doing so too, but freaked out about picking an engagement ring and devised a plan that, according to him, made sense at the time: use mine and take his girlfriend to buy a new one later. That plan was ruined when I said no, so he stole my ring. The new plan was to propose with it, take her to buy a new one, find an excuse to visit me the next day and discreetly return the ring to my apartment. I wasn't even supposed to know it was gone. That plan was also ruined, due to his girlfriend's immediate announcement. He knew she was doing it, but not that she'd show the ring. Then he got mad I made him get me a new ring, because he'd told his girlfriend he'd get her one too. So his plan to spare himself the effort of choosing an engagement ring would end up making him buy two. Basically, my mom got him to admit his whole engagement was a panic move. She said he already seemed embarrassed when they started talking, but was a wreck by the time they were done. She told him to apologize to me, and he called me an hour later to do so. He seemed sincere. Many of you said his girlfriend deserved to know the truth, and I agree. The only reason I hadn't done so was because I thought that should come from my brother. So I took the opportunity to tell him that if he truly loved her, he'd tell her the truth. He did. I don't know much of what was said, but she dumped him. He gave me back the first ring and refused my offer to pay him back what he'd spent on the new one. As some of you recommended, I waited two days after proposing to tell my fiancée what happened. She was furious, but reassured me that she loved her ring more than any other. Since the first one was on sale, I can't return it to the store, so we're thinking of selling it. I haven't forgiven my brother. But because he's never done anything like this before, I'm willing to give him another chance. I'm going LC for now, he'll have to earn my trust back. I really hope he does. I love him, and I don't want our relationship to end over what he did. Both my fiancée and my mom agree with me on this. There's more I want to add, but the word limit's not helping. I'll try to reply to more comments this time. Thank you all. ***Relevant Comments:*** *What milestones?* "These were mostly "life" milestones, really. I moved out at 24, he lived with our mom until last year. I was the first to have a long-term relationship (with my now fiancée). He's accomplished a lot in life, just not as soon as I did." *Wtf was your mom thinking before?* "She later said she didn't know what she was thinking, but I get that it was kind of a tough spot. I think the main reason she tried playing Switzerland at first was because she's not used to us fighting." *Suggest therapy to your brother:* "He's already seeing a therapist, but I did suggest that he talk about this with her." *Bro's ex-girlfriend:* "I feel awful for her. She's a great person, and really did love my brother. Had he not pulled this stunt, they could have had a great life together." *You could keep the first ring as a backup/replacement for holidays or if she doesn't want to wear it for festivals/concerts/etc:* "That sounds like a great idea. When I asked my fiancée what she wanted to do with the first ring, she said she preferred the second one. But I'll suggest that and see what she thinks." *Safe to say your brother won't be the ring bearer in your wedding:* "Hahaha yeah, we'll save that role for someone else. I really hope we've worked things out by the time my wedding comes along." *What did you not include in your post (due to word count) that you wanted to?* "Mostly some more details on how I felt about this, as well as my fiancée. I feel like this post was very matter-of-fact, which is not usually how I write things. I think I managed to include everything I wanted in the comments, though."

AITA for forcing my brother to buy me a new engagement ring?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/175xrsj/aita_for_forcing_my_brother_to_buy_me_a_new/

175xs9s

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/770yessir **Condemned for beating a partner at ping-pong** **Originally posted to** r/Lawschool **TERMS** **SA = Student Associate** **2L = Second Year** [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/LawSchool/s/42aXWSg12l) **June 10, 2022** I’m a rising 2L SA at a larger mid-sized firm, and one of the partners hosted a ping-pong tournament at his house for anyone who wanted to join. Apparently this firm has had several of these tournaments in the past, and a different partner, who is very high up and well-respected, has been the reigning champ of the firm. Well, I grew up playing ping-pong as I had a table in my house for a very long time. I’m certainly no professional but I’d like to think that I may be better than the average person who didn’t grow up playing like I did. Anyway, I made it to the championship and had to face this partner. Wasn’t very scared. I ended up giving him the smackdown (21-7 W). We shook hands afterward and celebrated with everyone, and I thought everything was cool. Fast forward to now, a week later, and this guy hasn’t spoken to me since. Every time we cross paths in the office he looks at me and looks the other way. Some of the other partners have begun to shy away from me as well. It seems pretty obvious to me that I’m being shunned. Did I screw up my return offer? Was this guy just never really that good to begin with and people just let him win to preserve his ego? Should I have gone easy on him? To be fair I’m a KJD and this guy is easily approaching 70 years old. How do I fix this? Never imagined I’d become the office pariah for being GOOD at something. TLDR: Smacked a partner at ping pong and now I’m the office pariah. Edit: Feel like I’m entitled to a return offer. How else could I defend my title? **RELEVANT COMMENTS** **EndCogNeeto** >Either: >1. Your partner is the Michael Scott of law (if so run). >2. You may have not been the most graceful winner and it rubbed him and maybe others the wrong way (idk... check yourself). >3. Or just maybe, you are being a bit paranoid (like we are all prone to be) and everything is okay. * **Awesomocity0** >This is it. We need to know how OP was. If OP wasn't like "in your face! I can't believe you ever won! People must have been letting you win!" then it's probably 3. >As an anecdote, back when I was a SA, a partner hosted a gathering at their house. Their son, who was like 10 maybe, was walking around challenging people to chess. This one guy went and played chess with the kid and just unceremoniously beat the kid and then was like "I was president of the chess club in college." >The rest of us were kind of floored, but it was hilarious. Anyway, he got an offer, despite even some of the showboating, and the partner was not upset in the slightest. [Update - 1 year later](https://reddit.com/r/LawSchool/s/ysICF57rvs) **July 27, 2023** If you haven’t read this post from my SA last summer, please do so because I’m trying to figure out how to move forward with this firm situation. TLDR for that post: I destroyed a partner at ping pong during my SA last summer and the whole office seemed to dislike me afterwards as if I did something wrong. I actually ended up getting a return offer last summer which is good news. So I returned to the firm this summer for my 2L SA and had a great time overall, except for that one ping pong partner being there. The office decided to have the annual ping pong tournament at the end of the summer this year, so I had to deal with that partner’s insufferable energy the entire time leading up to it. Last summer after I beat him, he would just look at me and walk the other way. But now he just scowls at me — whenever I see him he will literally follow me with his eyes until the second I turn a corner — without saying a word. One time I experimented and took a peak back around the corner, and his eyes were STILL locked onto mine. Some of the other partners were telling me that he has spent this entire past school year harrying everyone in the office about how much he’s been training, and he has been challenging the attorneys to ping pong matches one-by-one so that he can continuously assess his improvement. Well the “big day” finally came. This time, the partner hosted the tournament at his own house. I’m guessing he wanted even more people to watch him lose again because this time, it seemed like almost the ENTIRE office showed up for the tournament, support staff, spouses, children. There were so many people that everyone couldn’t fit in his basement, so we had to set up a camera and stream the matches on his living room TV upstairs. While watching others play, he whispered in my ear and told me that I would have to “get through him” before receiving a post-grad offer. Of course him and I ended up being the remaining two players to face each other for the championship — seems like everyone purposefully lost just to see us play. Like I said before, I grew up playing ping pong so I’m generally not worried about my chances of beating someone. But I’ll admit that his menacious looks did start to get in my head a bit this time around. Nonetheless I did win the championship again (21-18) and received a return offer, but he put up a genuine fight that had me on edge throughout the entire game. It’s actually scary how much he improved in just one year — again, this guy is around 70 years old. Gotta admire the dedication at that age. After the game, he shook my hand with a stern look and said that he’s not retiring until he reclaims his title. Honestly, I have too much pride to EVER let this man beat me at ping pong, so here’s the dilemma. I haven’t accepted the offer yet. Because I’m a good person, I’m wondering whether I should just reject the offer and move on? I’d never be able to live with myself if this guy dies as an employee of this firm. But tbh, he will most certainly pass away at this firm if I accept the offer — I do plan on aiming for partner. Should I just reject the offer? Don’t people deserve to retire and live a little before passing away? TLDR for this post: I beat the partner again and am trying to determine whether to accept the post-grad offer. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Condemned for beating a partner at ping-pong

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/175xs9s/condemned_for_beating_a_partner_at_pingpong/

1761bps

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/AcanthisittaLive6913 **in** r/AITAH trigger warnings: >!rape/sexual assault, alcoholism!< mood spoilers: >!positive for OOP!<  Thanks to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this BoRU &#x200B; [**AITA for refusing to go on vacation with friends because they invited someone who've raped someone in our group?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/15yz48a/aita_for_refusing_to_go_on_vacation_with_friends/?share_id=d26L5NYztNqq2tgL1kC-Q&utm_content=2&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) **- 23rd August 2023** With a group of friends we have planned a holiday for the beginning of next year. Suddenly two people from outside our group of friends have been added, of which 1 person who had raped someone within our group under the influence of alcohol quite recently in the past. I therefore feel very uncomfortable with his presence. I will call him Noah in this post. Right after it happened everyone threw up Noah and wanted nothing to do with him, but after a while almost everyone had forgiven him and pretended nothing happened because Noah took therapy after this. Something I personally have a hard time with, because Noah gets off pretty easily in my opinion. he also has his old job back at a friend's company and is involved in everything and invited along when the group is going to do something. Because me and another person (who was raped by him) are the only ones who have a hard time with this. Little is done with it. I feel very uncomfortable with Noah's presence at parties and have had many times where I couldn't drink a drop of alcohol because otherwise no one could keep an eye on him in case things went wrong again because Noah is sensitive to alcohol and often drinks too much. So now it has been decided by the group on a birthday, which I was not present myself, to ask Noah for the holiday. Am I the asshole for refusing to go on vacation because of this?   Comments User1: *what does "threw up Noah " mean?* >OOP: That's a mistranslation thanks to Google Translate. In Dutch there is a term called "iemand uitkotsen". Apearently google translated that directly to "threw up someone" What I mean with that is not wanting to have anything to do with Noah and hating him. &#x200B; User2: NTA. Drop the whole group except that one other person who doesn't like Noah. Anyone who can remain friends with a rapist is bullshit anyway. User3: NTA, if a rape survivor's "friends" invites the rapist on a trip, it is best to stay away from the entire friend group. User4: NTA. But ask yourself why you were OK being friends with people that condone rape. **Judgement - NTA** &#x200B; [**Update: AITA for refusing to go on vacation with friends because they invited someone who've raped someone in our group?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/16vblj3/update_aita_for_refusing_to_go_on_vacation_with/) **- 29th September 2023** After the post and seeing some of your replies, I decided to speak up and refuse to go on with the vacation with them. I also told them openly I truly feel disgusted by it and even wonder why they invited Noah to join the group with the victim also in it. After that I left the groupchat and turned off my phone. Later I saw two persons had sent me a message some hours after, both saying how they agreed with me but were too afraid to speak up (like I did) because they didn't wanted to negativily influence the group. But I feel that already happened when they decided to invite Noah. I also decided some weeks ago to completely walk away from the friendgroup and delete them from my social media. They made their choice to invite Noah even though what he did with the girl in our same friend group. Now I made my choice to walk away from them and drop them completely. A lot of you wonderd why I even stayed friends with them even though when they accept Noah's rapist + alcoholic behaviour. Well, all I can say is I think its difficult to make new friends. But afterwards you all were right, It felt like a difficult choice but I made the right one by dropping them. Even when I realize the fact one guy from that group keeping him within his IT-company after some time after the rape happened. Its just disgusting. That's why I decided its better to drop them all and walk my own path. Also little update: I have planned an vacation without them but only the victim and her boyfriend. So we can still do a great vacation without those rape-accepters. To answer some indiviual questions: * **\[Why was he never charged with rape?**\] The victim never reported him to the autorities. * \[**Why haven't you dropped them sooner?**\] I wished it was that easy. I find making friends very difficult. especially after corona. * \[**Is this written by AI or a bot?**\] No, my english is bad because google translate * \[**If a table of 9 invites a Nazi to sit at the table then in my eyes there are 10 Nazis in the room.**\] I partly agree. In this case, not everyone (even the victim herself) dared to speak up against them inviting Noah. I was the only one who later on decided to speak up and openly refuse this. And afterwards others dared refusing it too. Thanks for all the replies on my previous post! **Comments** User1: *Smart choice. That's the right choice. Not sure why the rest of them didn't see this or just ignored it. You will make new friends hopefully that have more conviction. Have a great trip!* User2: *Thank you for standing with the victim and speaking up* User3: *I completely dropped a close friend because he raped one of our other roommates while the three of us lived together. He dropped my friendship because I found out and he didn't want to deal with the consequences of his actions.* *\~6 months later - Good fucking riddance. I still think about the lost friendships connect to that dude, but I don't want to be associated with people apologizing for someone that raped on of their other friends, just because the raper was closer friend than the rapee.*   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

AITA for refusing to go on vacation with friends because of who they invited?

CONCLUDED

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1761bps/aita_for_refusing_to_go_on_vacation_with_friends/

176d12c

Fun Fact To Cover Spoilers: As of 2023, the most popular emoji is the laughing with tears going down it's face. 😂 Content Warning:>! Incest!< Mood Spoilers:>! Complicated, But OOP is happy!< *I am not the OOP, that would be* u/LetsSinWith *who posted this on* r/offmychest \- [**I just found out that I've been dating my biological brother for 6 years**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/vnunhc/i_just_found_out_that_ive_been_dating_my/) **(Originally Posted June 29th, 2022)** I am 30 and my brother is 32. I'm just going to call him my boyfriend for the majority of the time while I type this. I feel weird about this. I was adopted as a baby but I didn't know that I was adopted until I was in high school. It didn't feel betrayed or care much. I love my parents and my parents love me. Who cares if they aren't my real parents. My boyfriend was also adopted and when we met it was one of the things we sort of bonded over. We both didn't learn we were adopted until high school and we both were lucky and had good families. We weren't passed around from foster home to foster home. Our relationship was and still is great. We understood each other very fast. We were attracted to each other quickly. I've never met someone and felt immediate attraction and familiarity. Now I know that the comfort and familiarity is because he's my brother. Not my half brother. He is my full brother. We've done everything a couple that has been together for 6 years could do. We've said we love each other, we've had sex, we've celebrated anniversaries, we've met each other's families. I'm just glad we both agreed early on that we don't want to have kids so that has never happened. I don't want to deal with the health risks and have to raise a child and them know that their parents are siblings. I discovered it when we did the DNA test thing to see our ancestry and what exactly we are. I ordered two for us, we spit in the tube, and sent it out. It took like a month for the results to come back and I was excited to see what we were but before I could even get to that. I saw that we were siblings. I was SHOCKED to say the least. I only just found out this information and I haven't told my boyfriend. I'm really hoping they made a mistake but things are kind of starting to make sense to me now. We always get the "you guys look so alike" or "he's the male version of you." Long before this test we've always gotten compared. We always just laughed it off but I have spent the morning looking at pictures of us together and realizing that we really do look so alike. It's freaking me out and I don't know what I should do. I still love my boyfriend/brother and we have been together for 6 years. We have a house together and a whole comfortable life. I'm hoping that this test is wrong and will do a real test soon but I'm panicking. I still see him as the love of my life \- **Relevant Comments** > Wow. That’s quite a bombshell to find out. Well, step one is to tell your boyfriend now since he is currently unaware, and this is something he needs to know is going on. Then get more testing done to confirm the results. Past that, it’s up to the two of you. Definitely no kids (so it’s good the two of you already made that choice), and if you decide to stay together, I’d recommend not telling anyone that you’re biologically siblings. OOP: I want us both to get a real test. I wish I never decided to do this, fuck \- >You need to tell him. This affects his life just like yours. You can’t keep this important information from him. It’s not fair to keep it from him OOP: What if the test is wrong >You still have to tell him so he can make up his own mind. It isn’t fair to him. If you want to redo the test and he agrees, than do it. But you CANNOT take his options away just because you feel how you feel. OOP: I'm so afraid he'll just break up with me \- >He needs to know, for both your sakes at the end of the day. It's quite the bombshell to find something like this out. But the best thing to do is inform him. Maybe he would wanna get a proper test done. At least you have something more clear to go on. I am not sure how accurate these home DNA test are. But it definitely needs to be done again to be sure. I am so sorry that this is happening to you. Good luck. OOP: I know I don't plan on keeping it from him \- >Anybody see that story about the fertility doctor who had been using him own sperm to inseminate hundreds of patients? Kids better date someone from the next state over. OOP: He grew up states away. The universe hates me lol >By this response I almost wonder if it was a false result. It seems so astronomically unlikely. You might be okay, and your mind may be convincing you he’s your brother when you look at photos of each other. OOP: I'm hoping that is the case \- >This is why I could never date someone my own age or older. My "father" was a notorious skirt chaser and Gods only know how many half siblings I have out there. Dating is scary when there is a chance you could end up dating a relative. There is zero chance my missus is related to me in any way. Question, did you both spit into the same tube? I'd call the company you used to ask if there is a chance they made an error. OOP: I had this fear as well but I guess the universe hates me. And no we used two tubes \- >As someone who is also adopted, this has always been a huge fear for me. I think if nothing else, you NEED to tell him. Its what you would want if they found out, they deserve to know the truth. From there I think you both should sit down and really discuss what the next step is. Just because you may want to stay in the relationship knowing he is your brother doesn't mean he would, and that's not fair to him. He should deserve the same amount of respect and knowledge that you have, especially if you love him. I wish you both the best. I really feel for you both in this situation. OOP: I also had this fear and it came true for me. I'm glad I'm not the only adopted person who is like "what if I'm related to this hookup?" \- >I suppose there could be some cross contamination. Did you guys kiss/make out in a reasonably short time before the test? While possible it just seems so unlikely. OOP: Maybe. I want to do a real test soon. Hoping this is some big mistake \- **Edit On Original Post:** I posted this the other day in but since then I showed him the results and he realized that we're siblings. He doesn't want to freak out or make any big decisions until we get a real test somewhere. But I can tell he is freaked out and it was odd laying in bed next to him \- *OOP Posted An Update on* r/offmychest *however it was removed. I have recovered it here with the Wayback Machine* [**UPDATE: I just found out that I've been dating my biological brother for 6 years**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/16snug4/update_i_just_found_out_that_ive_been_dating_my/) **(September 26th, 2023)** I posted my original post about a year ago and after a month or so I just never really checked this account. Well I was scrolling tik tok the other day and saw my post read out loud on there and it really was shocking. The video I saw was people on a stage reading it and the crowd being shocked and disgusted as if we grew up together and CHOSE this. If when we met I knew he was my brother, I would not have gotten with him. Anyway, everyone is begging for an update. To make a long story short. My update is that we are still together and have been together. Rather than get a real DNA test done at a doctor we just left it at that. We read that those ancestry tests are pretty accurate and it was interesting to learn of other relatives we have. Because ancestry links you to other people that have taken the test and share your DNA. Something that was questioned a lot was "why would you two randomly both take DNA tests?" And we are both adopted. We want to know what we are. Everyone else growing up could say like "my family is Irish" or "my family comes from germany" or "my great great grandmother used to do this." We have NONE of that. We privated our ancestry and decided not to get another test because that is just more people involved. I didn't even have to tell him when the news broke. We both had login information to the ancestry so he saw it himself. It was a lot to get over and talk about. I have to admit it was really hard to look at him in that way for a while. We slept in separate places. For a while I felt weird around him. But were 6 years in by that time and I still loved him and still do love him. My weirdness was different than how I feel with my actual brothers. I consider the kids of my adopted my parents to be my actual brothers. If I were to date one of them I would feel odd because I grew up with them. With my boyfriend/brother it was just a crazy "what are the odds" feeling. And looking at him and seeing myself and seeing our parents that we never knew. We talked about it and we have decided to just stay together. We don't want kids and no one else knows so who are we hurting? I don't care about all the comments that call us disgusting. I don't see him as a brother. I don't find the fact that he is my biological brother "hot" or "exciting." I just see him as the man I love. We have been able to joke and find humor about it within ourselves. My boyfriend joked "we could have saved money on the ancestry and just sent one test in." Back when Game Of Thrones was really popular(before that terrible ending) we went to a Halloween party and I dressed a Cersei. Recently he was like "I should have dressed like Jaime." This may seem weird or offputting to people reading this but it is how we find levity in it all. Another misconception I kept seeing was that we met in high school. We met when I was 20. We had a really normal relationship. It was from friends to best friends to couple. He is honestly the love of my life. We've been together 7 years now and I've never gotten tired of him. I've never felt like I wanted to be apart from him. Even during the big discovery, I missed sharing a bed with him. I've never felt more at home and comfortable with a person and it has nothing to do with him being my brother. No one will know. We aren't having children. We still do everything we did as a couple before finding out. I don't see him as my brother. I would actually feel gross if I slept with my real siblings. \- **Relevant Comments** *In response to a now deleted comment* OOP: We found at at 6 years in. We have a house together and we are in love. You don't just turn off love \- >"I would actually feel gross if I slept with my real siblings" mf he IS your real sibling like tf OOP: I don't see him as my brother. I see my family that adopted me as my family. So their kids are my brothers and there would be ick for that. We were together 6 years without knowing we were related \- *Marked as concluded as this issue is resolved and it seems OOP is staying with her boyfriend*

I just found out that I've been dating my biological brother for 6 years

CONCLUDED

boru_posts

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/176d12c/i_just_found_out_that_ive_been_dating_my/

176o40m

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ThrowRA201508  **I [26/F] haven't seen my ‘husband’ [28/M] in 3 years. His sister [27/F] invited me to her wedding. How can I emotionally prepare for an inevitable confrontation?** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Divorce, emotional neglect!< [Original Post](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/Eop7RgzTmd)  **Aug 29, 2020** My husband and I are separated but I’m still very close to his sister. In April she called to inform me she was going to get married in September and that she wanted me and my son (5M) there. She asked me to be a bridesmaid, but I declined as I didn’t want to risk being around the rest of my in-laws longer than I had to. I tried to tell her I would send my son alone/with his dad, but she said as her best friend I had to come. I don’t want to go, but I’m willing to suck it up for her. My husband and I separated due to him always working and me feeling abandoned after I had our son. His family (excluding his sister who I knew before we even dated) were also a big factor in our separation and made the whole thing more painful. We share custody of our son, but I haven’t seen him at all in 3 years. He has a nanny pick up and drop off our son. If we need to discuss something about him, it’s done through someone else who works for him. He continues to financially support us, though. I know seeing him at the wedding is going to be an overwhelming experience and I was wondering if anyone had any tips on how to deal with it? ETA: I don’t think I explained it well in the OP but when I say he worked a lot it wasn’t to ‘support the family’ it was because he was married to his job. I think in a year I would see him for 10-20 days and the rest he would either be working late or on a business trip he forgot to mention (his secretary would tell me after he was already gone). He works for his family’s company and he could’ve easily reduced his hours without hurting financially but he chose not to. It felt like our relationship was just convenient so he could have sex whenever he was home. After our son I had a miscarriage and I begged him not to go on another trip because I knew something was wrong and he went anyway and then I couldn’t reach him the whole time he was away. Tbh, there’s just a lot of hurt and resentment that have been unresolved for 3 years. ETA2: Everyone seems to assume that the not communicating with my husband about my son was my decision, it was his. I was more than willing to co-parent with him directly, he’s the one who insisted we communicate through a third party to ‘keep things neutral’. ETA3: I’ve taken the advice of the majority and contacted my ex to see if we can meet before the wedding. I don’t think he’ll respond but at least I tried. TL;DR – My SIL is getting married which means I’ll have to see my estranged husband again. We haven’t seen or spoken to each other in 3 years and I’m worried I’ll be overwhelmed by the emotions of seeing him again. [Update](https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/dQDEXpj5JE)  **Sept 22, 2020** Thank you to everyone who replied to my original post. Your comments were very helpful and forced me to acknowledge I had a much bigger problem than just the wedding. I tried to contact my husband the day after I posted the original. Like always, his assistant intercepted and told me my husband was away and if I had a message for him, I should send it through him. I ended up giving him an ultimatum of either meeting with me before the wedding or neither my son nor I would attend. I expected him to ignore it, but he reached out to me a few hours later and we arranged to meet a week later. The meeting went fine. It was very awkward at first, but I got out most of what I wanted to say. He agreed we couldn’t keep doing things the way we were doing them but claimed he had no use for a divorce so if I wanted one, I should file. This annoyed me because he said he would file when we split so we argued over it for a while. He ended up reluctantly agreeing to going to therapy so we could have a healthier co-parenting relationship, but we haven’t started yet because of his schedule. He also agreed to handle all matters about our son personally instead of through his assistant from now on (He’s managed to stick to this so far). He also spent a few hours with our son at my place which would normally never happen. My son was happy so even if it was a little awkward for us, it was worth it for him. The wedding was last week, and it was a beautiful event. I’m glad I went. My son was ecstatic the whole day. Even a week later he keeps saying it was his absolute favorite day. We did end up sitting next to each other and it was surprisingly nice. His family were on their best behavior and my MIL/FIL apologized for how they treated me during the early days of our separation which was unexpected but welcome. Things are obviously far from being fixed but I think we can work towards a better co-parenting relationship for our son’s sake. TL;DR – I ended up meeting with my husband before the wedding like the comments suggested. We talked and agreed to try therapy to have a better co-parenting relationship. The wedding was nice and my son had a lot of fun, which is what is important. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I [26/F] haven't seen my ‘husband’ [28/M] in 3 years. His sister [27/F] invited me to her wedding. How can I emotionally prepare for an inevitable confrontation?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/176o40m/i_26f_havent_seen_my_husband_28m_in_3_years_his/

176pht9

I am not the OP of this post. The OOP is u/throwra182837, and I received permission from OOP to share here. Her first post was trending at the top of r/athiesm, and she released an update shortly after Trigger Warning: >!emotional abuse!< **September 21st, 2023**: [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/16oqewy/whenever_if14_tell_mom_i_love_you_she_says_she/) I didnt really wanna ask anyone I know in real life so that is why I'm asking here, but whenever I use to say I love you to mom or still do, she says she loves Jesus more and always has to tell me, and she finally talked to me about why this week too. I'm sorry if my writing is really bad too, mom homeschools me and we talk a lot about things, but sometimes I think I'm not as smart as other kids but this really isn't about that She said we're supposed to love God more than anything else, and I knew because I always went to church and stuff, but she said that's why she always says that when I say I love you because it's important, and she said she loves God more than dad too and tells him the same thing too. She said I'm supposed to love God more than her too and if I get married one day too, and I went to church for since I was young, but sometimes I think about if she's wrong and when we die and there's no God or anything and if it's pitch black like closing your eyes. Like what if there's no God after you die and all the time at church was wasted and telling people that for nothing if that makes sense and can't play games that are bad because mom says that Jesus is always watching when I could've been having fun. I'm sorry if I can't get my thoughts out better because I'm probably not as smart as other kids and most of our homeschool stuff is her reading the Bible or talking about things that have nothing to do with school edit: I can't really explain why it makes me feel weird but it made me think is it weird to say you love jesus more who you can't see, but what if we die and there's no jesus and it's too late and all the games mom said not to play because jesus is always watching was fine but now it's too late because there's no proof because he's invisible if that makes sense **October 6th, 2023:** [Update Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/171mlus/update_whenever_if14_tell_mom_i_love_you_she_says/) Some people suggested not telling mom or dad that I was having doubts about my faith like the video game thing and if it's stupid to not do things because of the chance that one day God will judge us for it when what'll happen if there's no God when we did and I didn't play that game or have fun with no proof God existed because he's invisible. I did talk to dad though, and I asked him something that stood out from someone who responded to me saying I was afraid of going to hell. That person pretty much said that there was nothing to be afraid about and asked if I remembered anything before I was born or any pain like that, and when I said no, he said that that was enough to not be scared or something like that, and it made me feel a little better but also have another question that I asked dad I asked dad why we don't remember anything from before we were born or have any memory of meeting God before we were born if he exists, and dad said that God didn't introduce himself to us before we were born because he wanted us to choose God for ourselves and not because of bias from meeting him because that wouldn't be faith. He pointed to the verse (forgot where) about how faith is believing in what you can't see, and if God met us before we were born, there wouldn't be any faith because seeing him would be proof. I didn't ask dad in a way that made it seem like I was having doubts about being a Christian but just out of curiosity, and I still feel like dad didn't make me feel any better about the doubts I was having because I still don't get living life and not doing things that are fun because maybe after we die God will judge us when we can't see him until we die, but I don't plan to ask him any more questions on it and probably keep it to myself like some suggested. I only wanted to make the update because some people suggested trying to talk to him without giving away that I was having doubts, and I'm sorry again if my grammar is really bad because I was homeschooled where a lot of it is mom talking about the Bible and stuff like that, but I really appreciate all of the advice that made me feel a little better on my first post \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ Additional Comments **(**u/tazlima**)** >So there are two things going on here. Your mother's terrible response to an expression of love. That's an incredibly hurtful thing to say to someone. Imagine if she did this with other things. Maybe you make a really special dinner - learned a new recipe and spent hours prepping and cooking. Then, when you put the plate in front of her, she takes one bite and says "the diner down the street is better." Maybe it IS better, but what does that matter? The food you made is delicious and you made it with love, and her response is to basically ignore it? It's cruel and unnecessary. She hasn't even said "this food is good. She could consider it tasty, or hot garbage. You have no way to know, because there's no "good" or "bad" in her words. Just "worse than the diner." "Mom, check out this neat picture I drew!" "Eh, it's no Picasso." "I got first place in a contest!" "Yeah, but the kid who REALLY deserved to win was out sick today. That kid is the best ever." See what I mean? That's what your mom is doing to you. It's a cruel way to treat your daughter, and I'm terribly sorry she can't see how harmful her words are. 2) Your thoughts about whether any of the religious stuff is true, particularly the life after death stuff. That's a totally separate question. Personally, I think God and the afterlife are just pretty stories people tell themselves because the world can be scary and confusing and totally unfair, but don't take my word for it. You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders. You'll come to your own conclusions **(OOP to** u/hoaxshmoax\*\*)\*\* >It just feels weird to compare when she says that which is why I posted here because I wanted a different opinion because I'm only homeschooled or in church with church people I just said this to another person, but I'll copy it here since you mentioned spiritual decisions. I guess the reason I made this is because I feel stupid and scared for that reason because I probably know less than other kids in school and feel like I don't know if heaven is real I'm also afraid of hell but I get that that sounds stupid, but I feel like I think heaven is real because I been to church all my life and don't know anything different, but what if my parents were Buddist or something and that was all I knew so that was real and everything else seems wrong? Like what if my parents is wrong is scary, and it makes me scared to think about what happens after you die because what if there's no heaven and you're alone because they were wrong? **(**u/Hoaxshmoax**'s reply to OOP)** >“ I'm also afraid of hell but I get that that sounds stupid, but I feel like I think heaven is real because I been to church all my life and don't know anything different, but what if my parents were Buddist or something and that was all I knew so that was real and everything else seems wrong?” You have landed on what is known as The Outsiders Test for Faith. At 14 years of age, no less. There is a book by John Loftus called “ The Outsider Test for Faith: How to Know Which Religion Is True” it sounds like you could have written it. ” Author John W. Loftus, a former minister turned atheist, argues we would all be better off if we viewed any religion--including our own--from the informed skepticism of an outsider, a nonbeliever. For this reason he has devised "the outsider test for faith." He describes it as a variation on the Golden Rule: "Do unto your own faith what you do to other faiths." Not bad for a kid, kid

Whenever I(f14) tell mom I love you, she says she loves Jesus more

ONGOING

throwra2982

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/176pht9/whenever_if14_tell_mom_i_love_you_she_says_she/

176px8c

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/Temporary\_9031](https://www.reddit.com/user/Temporary_9031/) and her first account, which is now deleted. She posted in r/offmychest. Thank you to u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for suggesting this post. **PLEASE** look at the trigger warnings since this is a very heavy post. **Trigger Warnings:** >!domestic violence; child death; alcoholism; attempted suicide; overdose!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!depressing and grief-filled!< **Original** [Post](https://www.rareddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/15i0bmj/my_husband_poured_our_daughters_ashes_into_the) **(recovered with rareddit): August 4, 2023** I'm posting this on a throwaway as my main account is very identifying and I just need to vent. I'm feeling sad, alone and terrified. My head hurts. My heart hurts. I feel so alone and I don't know where to turn to. I had to spend the night in my car last night. I couldn't sleep through crying, trying to stay warm enough and thinking that somebody was going to suddenly appear at the windows. I've been trying to find a place to park up so I can try to sleep today and I've found a place but I can't rest. I feel so empty and scared. I don't want to go into much detail here but our daughter passed away very suddenly last year. My husband and I both got help and have tried to work through it together, but his drinking has been getting more and more out of control. It got to a point where he started to try to hide it but it was making his behaviour worse. I had a breakdown two months after our daughter passed and I hadn't been work since. I had quite a bit put away in savings and some money I inherited, so I was using that to contribute at home while I have tried to get myself back in better health. In January my husband started on his sobriety journey but his business started to suffer. There were some difficulties through the lockdowns and we both worked hard to make sure the business made it through. He took out a loan earlier this year and I gave him the rest of my savings and started back at work. Things were going well with the business and as well as they could have been for us, until he relapsed last month and was hiding it from me. I lost my job two weeks ago and have been looking for work since. It's been stressful but nothing we couldn't have managed. Yesterday I got home and my husband was already home and was very drunk. It was a very loud and out of control kind of state he was in and he was slamming around the house, saying he was looking for something. I couldn't get much sense out of him and he was really irate. I didn't really know what to do and when I tried to ask if he was okay he got in my face and was quite aggressive with me. He randomly started to throw accusations at me, accusing me of all kinds of things that I have no idea where any of it came from. I was scared at that point and didn't want to be in the house with him, I hadn't seen him that angry before and I think it was a build up of grief that had come spilling out, but I felt scared. I put my shoes and coat on and told him I was going to head out for a while. That's when he snapped and accused me of trying to leave him. It all happened very suddenly but he charged at me and got hold of my arm and threw me onto the floor and pulled me down the hallway. At some point of him drunkenly shouting about him not letting me leave him, he suddenly stopped and told me he was going to give me a reason to hate him so much. He stormed off into the front room, took the urn with our daughter in and headed to the downstairs toilet. I got up and tried to stop him from doing whatever he was able to do. When he went towards the toilet I was trying to stop him and was pleading with him not to. He shoved me quite hard and I fell. He poured all of the ashes into the toilet and threw her urn at me, hitting my leg. He then started yelling at me to get out before he killed me. I was shaking and felt like I was frozen but I managed to get up and run to the front door. I took my keys and my handbag and drove off. I had no idea where to go, so parked up in a quiet area and just cried. I have done practically nothing but cry since. I have no family around and no friends that I can turn to who are close by. I was sick earlier on but I've managed to keep some water down. I thankfully keep a supply of it in the car. I don't know what to do. I switched my phone off all night in case he tried to contact me. I didn't want to hear from him. He's tried to call me today but I can't be around him while he is drinking again. I can't let him keep taking his anger out on me like this. I feel like it's all my fault. Everything. I just needed to vent. I'm exhausted of feeling like this ***Relevant Comments:*** *Go report this to the police:* "Without trying to sound dismissive, I don't think the police will really care. They aren't responding to a lot more serious crimes. I have no proof of his treats to kill. It would be my word against his on what happened last night, and I'm worried that if they go to speak to him that he will destroy any of her things that are in the house out of spite. I have never felt so alone and unsure of what to do." *Do you have any family or trusted friends to help you get your stuff?* "I don't have anybody around I can turn to for help, or a place I could take her belongings if I was to get them. I will figure something out over the weekend, and then I can always ask the police got assistance in safely getting our belongings. I've got a giftcard for a coffee place and it's open until 10pm so I'll be able to charge my phone, power bank and have somewhere safe to do some googling and any calls that I need to do today. I'm sure I'll be able to sort something out." *Family:* "It's a long story, but to shorten it as much as possible, I grew up in the care system. It was chaotic and I was moved around so much that I didn't even form a family of my own. I struggled to form any friendships. I met my husband while we were both young and it's pretty much just been us and the odd connection/brief friendship over the years. Any other friends are couples and I don't feel like I can reach out to them about this. I'm going to search on where I can contact for some help. I know a lot of places go on referrals." "I had my brother but he passed away 5 years ago. He wasn't married, had no children and left everything to me. He left me alone in the world in terms of family." *18 hours later, OOP reports:* "I haven't gone back. I can't be around him after this. He has had anger issues when drinking before, but not anything as extreme as on Thursday. I'm still in disbelief at what he has done. I've submitted a report on the Greater Manchester Police website and I'm just waiting for it to be looked at and to hear back. *OOP responds to a comment telling her to take pictures and commiserating:* "Somebody messaged me and told me to take photos while the bruises are fresh. He's really hurt my arm and my leg. My face is bruised on one side. I know once he sobers up he will be horrified at what he has done. If what he did with our daughters ashes doesn't shock him into getting himself help, I don't know what will. I worry that it will just make him continue in a bad cycle. I know he will be upset at knowing what he has done to me. He's so gentle when he's sober. I can't be there for him again if he decides he wants to get help. Not after what he has done. I am devastated. I can't bring her back and I can't undo what he did on Thursday. I feel like I failed her twice. I'm sorry you are having to face life without your dad. There is just no preparing for death and grief, no matter how natural any of it is meant to be. It's really hard. I found keeping busy really helped too. We both went through some intense therapy separately and together. He joined a support group for grieving dads and it really helped him in a lot of ways. There was still clearly a lot of pain that he was struggling with, that's when he was turning to alcohol. I joined a support group for grieving mums and everybody was lovely but I found the sadness to be too heavy. Even in the lighter conversations and activities, there was a heaviness in the air. I found yoga, meditation and some peaceful walks to be really helpful. I found a quiet spot where it was just me and the nature around me. I was alone with my thoughts and could let it all out and cry, or I would just listen to everything around me and find some peace. We did a lot of walks together and I know it helped him to be able to let out some of his emotions, away from home and just away from things. He started to get more help when he sent sober. I just wish he has stuck with it. I know addiction is complex and people relapse and withdraw from support, and I've tried to be there for him, but I can't do it again. Not after what he did on Thursday. It can't be undone. I hope he gets the help he needs. I know I'm hoping to have to start seeing somebody again, I don't even know for to process what has happened." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/171d6d4/update_my_husband_poured_our_daughters_ashes_into/)**: October 6, 2023 (2 months later)** I'm not sure if I'm breaking any rules by posting an update. Thank you to everybody who reached out to me and commented on my original post. I didn't mean to leave any of you worrying. I deleted everything not long after taking an overdose. I had planned on trying again as soon as I got out of hospital. I'm still here though, and I was feeling extremely overwhelmed. I wanted to let you all know that I'm safe and I didn't go back. I can't get into everything that has gone on with my husband, as the police have been involved, and some of it is ongoing. I can say that he was playing games and acted calm and collected with them at first, trying to make out that he hadn't done anything wrong and that it was me with the problem. He told them that I was welcome home at any time. A couple of things happened and after I received some very threatening voice messages and texts from him, he reported my phone as stolen and had me cut off. He was trying to make me go home and have nowhere else to turn to. After some intervention and run-ins with the police, he offered to leave the house for a couple of days a few weeks ago. I was to go there with some help, allowing me to get my belongings and our daughter's things. Nobody asked him to leave. He offered. I arrived there, along with some help, to find that he had destroyed all of my things. When I say all of my things, I mean everything that I owned and that was in that house. I can't even imagine how long it must have taken him. He sliced my shoes and had gone over some of them in black marker, the same with my handbags. He cut up my clothes. All of my products were all over the bathroom, which he had smashed up. There were items of my clothes in the bath and he had poured bleach all over them, as well as my cosmetics all destroyed and mixed in. He had smashed up/broken my other belongings. He had trashed the house, including our daughter's room. The only things I couldn't find were some of her things he had taken with him. I don't really remember much of being in the house. I suppose I kind of went numb once I realised what he had done and saw our daughter's room. The photos of it all are awful. He has claimed he doesn't remember doing any of it. He then put it down to a drunken rage. After doing it, he went straight over to his parents, knowing what was coming, and pleaded with them for help. They arranged for him to get some private help. I mentioned in my post about his issues with alcohol. After our daughter passed away we both got help, together and separately. His drinking got out of control and to a point where he was trying to hide it, which made him even worse. I know he has been hurting, but it got to a point where it was almost impossible to have a reasonable conversation with him. After talking through things with various professionals, I realise now too that there was a lot of control going on. Financial and emotional, and no matter how much he was hurting, I know it doesn't excuse his behaviour. However much I have felt for him and wanted him to get all of the help he needs, I can't see past what he did with our daughter's ashes. I felt like I lost her all over again. And I felt like I had somehow failed her again. His parents did reach out and promised they would get back the things of our daughters that he took. I haven't heard from them since. I'm sure it isn't easy for them. I've been getting some help and I'm on a waiting list for some more therapy. I also start a new job on Tuesday. I am currently sitting here on the floor of my new place, typing this out. I picked up the keys yesterday, my tenancy officially begins on Monday. It isn't much to look at and I'm starting all over again, but for the first time in weeks I feel like I can finally breathe a little. It's a bit overwhelming to have some space of my own again, but for the first time in what feels like a long time, I feel like I can almost relax. I have had a new bed donated to me and it will arrive on Monday, and my keyworker has applied for a cooker for me via a white goods scheme with one of my utility providers. I don't have any hot water or heating until my gas is uncapped on Monday, but I do have some electricity. I've got some books to read, and just this morning I picked up a bag of mostly canned food from the food bank. It took a lot to be able to face going, but it's enough to last me for the next few days and it doesn't need to be heated. I might not have what I had, but I'm not where I was. I'm not sure where things will go from here. It felt like I had died along with my daughter, yet my body was still there and going through life. I want to believe I can do something in her memory. Even if that something is making it through each day. I'm safe. And I'm trying to be well. ***Relevant Comments:*** *After everything was destroyed:* "One thing I can remember very clearly was a police officer telling me to take a good look around at everything and to remember that everything that was destroyed, he was going to do that to me if I stayed with him, and to never go back. His drunken bursts of anger would come from nowhere, like on that night I had to leave. I would tell myself that it must have been something I had done, but he would look for anything to get angry over and if there was nothing, he would just start throwing accusations at me, making something up. It's scary how somebody can switch like that. There isn't always something that has happened to have started it, like some people think. It's one of the reasons I didn't immediately go to the police, because I didn't think they would believe that it had all just come out of nowhere his burst of anger. I know the cause of his pain and why he was drinking, but the outbursts were at random." *Please tell me he was arrested:* "He was. There's a lot going on with it all." "Photos have been taken, and everything that could be documented has been. The police are dealing with him. I'm also getting help in getting him served with an injunction, as well as some legal advice for divorce." *Have his parents reached out to make amends for what their POS son did?* "They reached out through the police, who passed the message on to my support worker. They wanted to let me know that they are sorry and that they will get my daughter's items to me that he took with him. Nothing more than that as far as I know. They are good people, they just never really had a lot to do with me because they didn't really appove of us getting together. He's a bit older than me and they wanted him to marry somebody his own age. They let it get in the way of any kind of relationship with me. I'm sure they are horrified by what has happened though and probably don't know what else to say." *Support group and moving forward:* "I'm trying to work on being around others again. I was going to a support group for grieving mothers. The group itself is such a lovely group and a really great idea, but it just felt a little too heavy for me. Even when the were activities and not really any talking, the pain was there in each persons face. I started to find some peace in going out on walks and making small talk on them. But mostly I found peace in finding places on the walls where I could just be. Listening to the nature and the world around me and watching everything. I sometimes feel her closeby when I'm out. I look at all of the different colours and look out for all of the different animals I see, and I know that's what she would have been doing. It brings me some comfort. Thank you for your words. I hope one day I can feel more peace when I think of her." "I keep trying to think about how happy she was, and trying to take some of that on. She was always smiling and laughing, even in her last hours. I know we can't have the innocence that they have, but I try to take on some of her happy outlook on life. She had a smile for everybody and was full of love. I feel dead inside and it's really hard to try to channel some of that energy she had. I know this isn't how she would want me to feel. But as you said, it's an ongoing process."

My husband poured our daughters ashes into the toilet and threw her urn at me

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/176px8c/my_husband_poured_our_daughters_ashes_into_the/

176pxc8

**I am still NOT the Original Poster. That is** [u/CapableElephant6355](https://www.reddit.com/user/CapableElephant6355/). She posted in r/TrueOffMyChest and her own page. **THE NEWEST UPDATE IS FROM 7 DAYS AGO**. (This is based on the rules of this sub.) If you have already read that, then there is nothing new in this post. You can read my previous BORU post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/16ta63o/two_tampons_may_mean_my_marriage_is_over/). New update marked with \*\*\*\*\* **Trigger Warnings:** >!gaslighting; mentioned sex offenses against children;!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!somehow worse than expected!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/168kiyg/two_tampons_may_mean_my_marriage_is_over/)**: September 2, 2023** I (29F) have been with my husband (30M) for seven years, married for four. I’ve never had reason to suspect he was unfaithful to me or even remotely dissatisfied with our marriage—he likes to joke that we’re still living the “honeymoon phase” nearly five years and two kids in. I wouldn‘t have questioned that, or him, were it not for a surprise I found in his car last month. When buckling our daughter into her carseat, I noticed something slotted between the cushions. I pulled it out and saw that it was a tampon. This wouldn’t have been so unusual had I not had an IUD that has stopped my period for the past year, and I didn’t even recognize the wrapper style. I brought it to my husband’s attention, and he didn’t seem to understand what it was, let alone why I was holding it, until I told him where I’d found it and why I was almost certain it wasn’t mine. He shrugged and said it probably belonged to his coworker, Fiona. It’s not uncommon for my husband to carpool to lunch with his coworkers, and we’re both fairly close to Fiona and her husband, so I figured it was entirely possible the tampon had slipped out of her purse whenever he had driven with them or offered her a ride. No big deal. I put it out of my mind until we had dinner with Fiona and her husband a couple weeks later. I had sincerely wanted to believe my husband. I just couldn’t get over the way it had been tucked in the seat and how my husband had seemed not to have any regard for it whatsoever. Maybe playing dumb. I don’t know. I did something that I now feel kind of crazy for doing: I faked an “emergency” and asked Fiona if she had any tampons while we were out together. She handed me one almost identical to the tampon I’d found in our backseat, and I breathed a sigh of relief. So the tampon there was probably the same tampon here, and in all likelihood, there was an innocent explanation as to why it had been left in the backseat in the first place. I thought I’d seen the last of the out-of-place feminine hygiene products until I found another tampon this morning. This time in my sock drawer. I feel physically ill at the thought of my husband having an affair and even more nauseated at the thought that the woman might have left these tampons out for me to find. If it was my husband’s coworker, why would she give herself away by offering me one the other night? In any other situation I would want to talk to my husband about this, but I feel too sick, and embarrassed, to approach him with what I’ve found. What should I do? ***Relevant Comments:*** *I've had a period 30 years and never put a tampon in a sock drawer. Trust your gut & get cameras:* "Neither have I. I’ve considered so many explanations for the tampons that wouldn’t implicate my husband, but none of them make sense, really. I’m terrified to set up a camera if it means confirming what I suspect right now." *Has Fiona been over to your house and had time to plant the tampon?* "She’s been to our house many times and vice versa. To my knowledge, she wasn’t over any time in the past week, so if she planted that second tampon, she had to have found a window of time when I wasn’t home. Any time she and her husband visit, we all stay downstairs, and you’d have to go *really* out of your way to make it to our bedroom (i.e., around our dogs, over the safety gate, past the other bedrooms). Not saying it’s impossible, but definitely tricky to do on a quick bathroom break, I would guess." *How old are your kids? Could they have found a tampon and put it in a random place?* "2 and almost 4. Both have a mischievous streak, so I didn’t want to rule out the possibility of one of them moving stuff around, but I can’t imagine how they’d get their hands on one, possibly two random tampons that I never bought." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/16nu84v/two_tampons_may_mean_my_marriage_is_over_update/)**: September 20, 2023 (18 days later)** Contemplating every possible source of two tampons has been my personal hell for the past few weeks, but I wanted to share an update. Shortly after posting on here, I told my sister what happened. The tampon in the backseat and the sock drawer, my husband’s cluelessness, the tampon from Fiona, and all the things I suspected but didn't want to believe. We compared tampons (save for the backseat one I had already discarded), and they were a match, just in different absorbencies. I hadn't left either in a place where my husband or daughters would have found them and moved them around. My daughters didn't know what they were or where they had come from. My sister was convinced it was Fiona—either fucking my husband, fucking with me, or both. Direct confrontation of either party still seemed like a bad idea, so she suggested inviting Fiona and her husband over for our Labor Day barbecue. Unfortunately, they already had plans. My sister and I agreed that it was too soon for cameras without any other evidence, so it was just a waiting game from there. Watching my husband for any changed behavior (there was none), our house for any misplaced/foreign items (there were none), and even the girls for any new "friends" they might have met. My sister's husband was adamant on this last point, and partly why he was inclined to believe that the tampons were harmless. If anything had been happening in or around our home, he said, it would be nearly impossible to keep it from me *and* the girls, since my husband was the one taking them to and from daycare and most other activities during the week. I felt a good bit of consolation in that. It wasn't until my younger daughter (2 y/o) came down with something last week that I felt any differently. I wanted to be the one home taking care of her, but my husband insisted that I stay at work while he stayed home with her. I was OK with that, my sister and her husband figured it was a good sign that he would take the time off at a moment's notice, and at that point, we were all already beginning to put the tampon fiasco behind us. By the third or fourth day, I was just happy to see a near-healthy child and a husband who was helping see her through it. Toward the end of that week, though, I came home to something strange. The toddler that I'd left that morning in an old PJ set was now dressed in a onesie I'd never seen before, with a tiny clip in her hair. I can't say I have the sharpest memory, but I have a pretty good sense of what my kids wear on a day-to-day basis, and particularly what kinds of clothes they wear. I'd sworn off the full-length sleep suits with snaps across the front long before we'd ever had our second (the long snaps are just a pain in the ass and a no-go for efficient diaper changes, IMO). It's just not something I would dress her in, and my husband knows as much. He doesn't plan for, or buy, the girls' clothes, and he certainly doesn't accessorize them, so I was bewildered. And kind of floored at the thought of someone around our sick child without my knowledge. I didn't think twice, and I went straight to my husband to ask if anyone had been over to see him or the girls. He seemed confused, like before, and asked me why I would think that—it had just been him and the kids all day. I asked him again, if someone had so much as stopped by to say hello, and he denied it. He told me to calm down. I might've lashed out and come forward with the accusations right then and there, but our older daughter was in the room, and she sensed something was up. In a calmer voice, I asked him a third time if anyone had been around our children, and my husband swore that the girls hadn't been around anyone but him. He also denied buying new clothes or doing anyone's hair. With our daughter in the room and my emotions all over the place, I decided to leave it. I couldn't make sense of it then, and it hardly seems clearer now, after I've driven myself half-crazy with explanations that aren't adding up. ***Relevant Comments:*** "To answer a couple questions: * My 2 y/o can only string together a couple words at a time, and when I ask her about her time with Daddy or her clothes/bow, she answers based on the cues I give her (e.g., “Who gave you that pretty bow?” and she repeats “pretty bow” back to me, or “Mama/Daddy” over and over). My older daughter (almost 4) was at daycare that morning, and she can’t recall anything different from that day. Doesn’t remember the PJ change or the hair clip, so my guess is she was changed sometime that morning, but I’m not totally sure. * I have a 45 min commute to work, so stopping by for lunch isn’t really feasible. My sister has been kind enough to leave work and drive past a few times here and there, and she hasn’t seen anything out of the ordinary. * We have a Ring camera at the front door, and I’ve got the app on my phone with notifs on. Nothing there yet. If anyone has recommendations for more discreet surveillance, I’d be open to it—I’m just the least tech-savvy person and worry another camera will be easy to detect lol \*\*Edit: And yes, we get our carbon monoxide detectors tested regularly." *Is it possible one of the hair clips came from daycare?* "I could see the hair clip being a possibility, but less likely on the onesie. My younger daughter hadn’t been to daycare in days, and if either of them had returned with something like that before I would’ve noticed—especially since it was the kind of onesie I hate with a passion lol." *People comment that they can't wait to find out the ending to this saga:* "My money’s on the Hollywood horror ending. Hopefully dreamed up the dogs too so I can finally stop picking up their imaginary shits and whatnot." **\*\*\*\*\*Final Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/CapableElephant6355/comments/171tpzd/two_tampons_mean_my_marriage_is_over_final_update/)**: October 6, 2023 (16 days later)\*\*\*\*\*** **Title:** Two tampons mean my marriage is over After nearly losing my mind over a hair clip and a onesie, I realized I wasn’t getting anywhere with the accusations and half-baked guesswork. I’d gotten so absorbed in the paranoia and misery of my situation that I wasn’t sleeping, eating, or caring for my kids the way I should have been. And I wasn't getting any answers. So I decided to pull the trigger on the hidden cameras and have them shipped to my sister’s house, with my BIL agreeing to help with the install/setup over at mine. Before the cameras were ever delivered, though, I got my long-awaited confirmation last week. A Ring notification had alerted me to motion at the front door while I was at work. Half-expecting to see a delivery person, pet, or lawncare salesman for the fifteenth time, you can imagine my surprise when I saw a clip of a young woman leading my daughter into the house hand-in-hand, with my husband and other daughter close behind them. The girls were supposed to be in daycare and my husband at work. The woman, as far as I knew, was living two states away with a court order keeping her there. I immediately called my husband to ask him what the fuck this woman was doing in our house. He didn’t answer, so I texted it to him. Even in his stupidity, he probably realized he had messed up by going through the front door, knew I had gotten the Ring notification, and wanted to delay the inevitable. By the fifth or sixth subsequent call, though, he did pick up. The woman on the camera was my husband’s sister. As I would come to find out later, she was the likely source of both tampons, the onesie, and the bow. She is also a registered sex offender and a recovering addict, who spent the better part of her adolescence and young adulthood coercing the silence of another one of my husband's family members after she had molested them. I hadn't seen or heard from her in years, and from the way my husband talked about her, I didn't expect I ever would. But here she was, in our house, with our children. Suffice to say I was livid. It wasn’t an affair at all and still, somehow, infinitely more disgusting knowing who it was and *why* all of this had been happening. Apparently my SIL, fresh off another stint in rehab, had wanted to reconnect and make amends with people she'd hurt, and my husband was high on that list. My husband didn't want me to know or, worse, try and keep "her family" (our children) away from her, so they'd been meeting in secret—often at our house when I was at work. They would enter through the garage, in my husband's car, so the Ring camera at the front door wouldn't tip me off. She spent the night on a weekend I had been on a business trip and slept in our bed. She babysat our girls on a night my husband told me he had dropped them off at his parents'. She bought the girls clothes and dressed my youngest in the onesie and bow that my husband had promised on his life I had dressed her in myself. My husband *swore* this was all in my head. The tampons, the onesie, the bow, and all the rest. He was perfectly content to watch me agonize for weeks over a woman he insisted didn't exist. Shrugging off each progressively more unsettling discovery like it was news to him and telling me I was being irrational. He insinuated that I was experiencing postpartum depression—two years after I'd given birth. Four years after I'd told him that one of my biggest fears for motherhood was to suffer PPD like my mother had with me, to not be fully present for our babies and be left with a world of guilt and regret as they grew older. He told me I wasn't sleeping enough, that I missed the girls too much, that I needed to take a step back and reevaluate the state of my mental health. I gave him the benefit of the doubt because he was my husband, and because no other version of events made sense. Now, after a month of this mindfuck, I have nothing to show for my trust but this pathetic situation. And a lot of anger. ***Relevant Comment:*** *Call the cops and a lawyer:* "Already on it. Believe me, we’re going scorched earth with this motherfucker."

NEW UPDATE WITH ANSWERS: Two tampons mean my marriage is over

NEW UPDATE

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/176pxc8/new_update_with_answers_two_tampons_mean_my/

176pxes

**I am NOT OOP. OOP is** u/Puzzleheaded-Cold760 **Originally posted to** r/AITAH **AITAH for transferring my assets to my daughter before my marriage?** Trigger Warnings: >!emotional manipulation, attempted financial abuse!< Mood Spoilers: >!New beginnings!< --- &nbsp; [**Original Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/170xd5w/aitah_for_transferring_my_assets_to_my_daughter/) - **October 5, 2023** I (F28) had my daughter (F9) while still in college. I am ashamed to admit I dont know who the dad is. It was a drunken party mishap. My parents disowned me and sympathising with my plight, my grandpa took me in. He had a bad relationship with my dad. Grandpa died two years ago leaving me his entire estate. He was kind of rich. I started dating my fiance Max (M35) around 4 years back. He has two kids (F6, M10) he has full time custody of as well. Their mom married someone else and moved across the country. She pays child support but makes no effort to contact them or visit them. We have lived together for over a year now and everyone gets along pretty well. We stay at the house my grandfather left me and split all bills and expenses 50:50, but keep rest of the finances separate. He popped the question 2 months ago and I said yes. Few weeks ago we had a minor fight. My daughter's birthday is coming up and I wanted to gift her a pony. She has been learning to ride for a few years now and really want one. When I mentioned this to Max, in a passing conversation, he got mad at me for wasting our money on stupid gifts like this. I told him I am not taking anything out of our budget and just buying it out of my money. He said then I should buy his kids ponies too to make it fair. I said sure, lets split the expense. He told me I should buy it myself since I am rich and it is my decision to buy my daughter a pony in the first place. That he is trying to make it equal for all kids in the household and don't have money to waste like this. I got his point. But I also felt that he would want me to make everything equal with his kids too. I get they will be my kids too and I should not treat them different. But I also felt like my daughter should not have to split her generational wealth. Its not mine, its my grandpa's. And he loved her. He left it to me believing I would pass it on to her. So I made a trust fund transferring 50% of assets I inherited into that. It has rules regarding reasons I can make withdrawal out of, like education and separate living allowance based on age, money for marriage, for house and entire balance made available at 30. I set up another trust fund for myself putting 30% assets into it with yearly allowance and then to dissolve after 50 (hoping to retire then). Balance 20% is mostly the house, land and emergency funds. I did it so whatever income I earn, I will be able to make it equally split within kids. But inheritance will stay intact for my or my daughter's future without having to be split or used for my step kids. My fiance found out about this a couple of days ago. Saw some related papers in my drawer. He was really mad at me for cutting him and his kids out. He said if I was marrying him, we would be sharing all assets and finances. That its not fair for me to keep 90% of my wealth just to myself and my kid when he is sharing all of his with us. I said I was sharing everything I make too, just the inheritance is kept aside. He is not bringing any inheritance into the union either. He said thats because he has none and its incredibly selfish of me to not share. To lock it away. That with this, my daughter will have a luxurious life while his kids have average life only since there is no way we can afford all that for them with our income only. I said generational wealth is separate and it should go to bio family. He called me a AH for discriminating and depriving his kids of a equally good life. AITAH? &nbsp; **AITAH has no consensus bot, but based on the top comments, OOP is NTA.** &nbsp; **Relevant Comments from OOP:** *First, you're just randomly buying your child a pony. Who does that?* > **OP:** One who has enough money to afford that and a daughter obsessed with riding and ponies. *Also, who just sets up multiple trusts in "a few weeks"?* > **OP:** I do. I mean, my team did. I am sorry if it takes you too long. *Also, why do you think retirement age is 78?* > **OP:** I want to retire at 50. As in 50 yrs old. Not 50 years from now. ***anaofarendelle:** NTA. That’s why people get a prenup! I would say the only mistake in this was not considering you might want more kids - so they should (regardless of their father) have the same funding.* > **OP**: I had a complication during childbirth and had my uterus removed. I won't be having anymore kids. **KittyCruel:** Inheritance is legally not split though. If you two divorced, they wouldn’t include your inheritance in the proceedings, it would all revert to you. So this “we’re sharing everything” mentality he has when he’s already getting free housing from you is very convenient but false.* > **OP:** > I think he meant within marriage. Not exactly in divorce context. Which is also why I established the trusts. So the money is out of my hands and no one can force me to spend it. Requirements, guilt, nothing would work since money can be withdrawn only in accordance with the eligible clauses. &nbsp; [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/171kjbh/update_aitah_for_transferring_assets_to_my/?share_id=7vo4l0MNdb2S2m5L6IzE5&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1) - **October 6, 2023** I know this is quick, but I am someone who always act quickly. So here is the update. I had a much needed conversation with Max. I showed him the post, replies, advices and experiences. He looked defeated to see this. At the core there were two issues. 1. How much do I trust him? 2. How do we handle finances moving forward? He told me he was ready to sign a prenup before I even asked. If that would alleviate my worries. He said all he wants is to have everyone in the household to feel equal. To not make his kids feel resentful. To make it fair to everyone. I understood that. The fact is there is no way it can be made fair to everyone. If I want to give my daughter the best of everything, I should give same to his kids too. But that is not always possible even with our combined incomes. For example if her love for riding stays, both me and her would prefer she attend a private school providing equistrian sports. Tuition for that and related costs can be availed from her trust. But we would not be able to afford to pay tuition for his kids out of our combined income. Trust is already set up and even I cannot withdraw money for their tuition. Even if I could, I would be reducing my retirement funds or my daughter's inheritance. Same goes for car, tuition fund, and all other expenses my daughter will have covered but even with our incomes, we can't give equally to Max's kids. Further, marriage is a big risk. Even with a prenup, if he takes on debt during course of marriage, I would also be liable. A lot of the comments have instilled a lot of fear in me. I am also worried about the resentment finance is going to build. I love Max. I really do. But I love my daughter million times more. She is my life. I have to accept that her future and oppurtunities is more important to me than a marriage. Atleast for the next 9 years. (Who am I kidding, till my daughter can fully be independent) And I cannot fault him for wanting the same for his kids. He is just being a dad. But I cannot take away from my daughter to give to his kids. I can only give equal love and care to them. Equal attention. Financially we are just not compatible. Long story short, I gave back my ring. Engagement and marriage is off the table for now. After all, there is no real necessity to get married. We are both sad about this turn, but the fact he did not kick up a fuss is a bit reassuring. I really do believe our companionship is just as valuable to him as to me. Just that we are also parents who wants the best for our children. We don't know where our relationship is going. I would still like to have him in my life. But he is also free to leave and find another person. I did not ask him to leave and he is staying for now. I will try to keep normal stuff equal between all. Whatever I can afford to do out of my income. My daughter is still getting a pony. Its a gift from her great grandpa, after all. I would not compromise her life and choices. My grandpa took me in for her sake. He left it all to me for her. I cannot compromise on that. And there is no need for 3 ponies. Neither of his kids know or has shown any interest in riding. If they want one after seeing my daughter with hers, we will be getting them riding lessons. And they can share. They will be getting the best birthday presents we can afford that alligns with their interests for their birthdays. If Max sticks around till then. I will also be protecting the house and land as well. He cannot make claims on it as far as I know. But I will still be discussing it with my estate lawyer. Thankyou for helping me see what I refused to. Love had me blind. &nbsp; **REMINDER – THIS IS A REPOST SUB – I AM NOT OOP**

AITAH for transferring my assets to my daughter before my marriage?

CONCLUDED

Choice_Evidence1983

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/176pxes/aitah_for_transferring_my_assets_to_my_daughter/