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OOP: How do I tell my best friend I slept with his sister and want to continue doing it [SHORT]

CONCLUDED

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/CharmingDentist9993 in /r/relationship_advice ** SHORT UPDATE ---   [**How do I [M17] tell my best friend [M18] I slept with his sister [F19] and want to continue doing it?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qinhze/how_do_i_m17_tell_my_best_friend_m18_i_slept_with/) - Oct 29 2021 My best friend D [M18] and I [M17] have known each other since we were 4 years old and have pretty much been inseparable since. We went to primary school and currently attend high school together and plan to move out next summer to rent an apartment and go to uni. Naturally, I’ve known his sister L [F19] as long as I’ve known him. I’ve never had a crush on her but it's obvious she is very attractive. I have talked about this a couple of times with D and made (respectful) jokes about it. She was 1 year my senior in primary & high school and currently goes to our city’s university, which is a different uni than where D & I plan to go to. I’ve hung out with N at loads of parties D & I went to but only twice did something happen between us since we made out, and even that was platonic since it happened during a spin the bottle game and in a closet (lmao). This happened last year, D was present at both parties. Last weekend L told me she’d visit her parents and I met her and some of her roommates at a gathering this Wednesday. I had no clue she would be there. D was not there because he was ill. Long story short, L & I ended up making out and went to her place to have sex. Both of us were completely sober. We hung out the next morning and then went our separate ways and today she asked me if I wanted to hang out and do it again this weekend. Honestly, I want to, but I don’t want to keep my mouth shut about what happened to D. I went to his house after I’d hung out with his sister at her place that morning and he asked me how the party was and I just said it was great. I would have told him right then and there but for some fucking reason I didn’t tell him. He is a very chill guy and I know that there is a 99,9% chance he will respond well but for some reason I have been keeping my mouth shut about this for almost two days now to a guy who knows more about me than I do myself. How do I tell him I had sex with his sister? Also how do I explain I did not tell him right away and that both of us want to do it again. Not telling him is not an option and waiting is only going to make this ordeal worse. I talked with L about telling D that I slept at her place and we agreed it would be better for me to tell him first. I think both of us just want to hook up and not "date". TL:DR: Slept with my best friend’s sister, want to continue sleeping with her, how do I tell him.   *From the comments* > Wait a minute. You can't tell your business without telling the girl's as well. and she has a right not to have her brother know that if she doesn't want him to. > > If you like her well enough to date her, take the other poster's advice and tell your friend that you are interested in his sister and are going to ask her out. You dont have to ask permission, and he has no right to ask personal questions. > > I you don't like your bf sister well enough to date her its best to leave her alone. She wants him to know and she agreed it was best if I told him we had hooked up. I don't think she is interested in dating. > what the fuck is a 19 year old doing fucking a high schooler? I'll still be 17 when I graduate and will just have turned 18 when I enter university. There is no issue with this at all. [In] the Netherlands, age of consent 16. Obviously you don't know all details but to me this situation is perfectly normal. Maybe if the roles were reversed it would be weird, or if she and I didn't have history, but like this it's absolutely not at all. Also, if I were to date a girl 1 year my junior in high school, do you think I should break up with her the moment I go to uni, and try to reconnect the moment she enters uni? Would it matter if she was older than me?   [**[UPDATE] How do I [M17] tell my best friend [M18] I slept with his sister [F19] and want to continue doing it?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qkewuw/update_how_do_i_m17_tell_my_best_friend_m18_i/) - Nov 1 2021 I told my friend I hooked up with his sister and wouldn't mind doing it again. He was calm about it and said he didn't mind. His exact words were "better you than some idiot." I made it a bigger deal than it was, but I won't actively reach out to the sister, when she's not around, for hookups.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

bigbluesandwich

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zauxr0/oop_how_do_i_tell_my_best_friend_i_slept_with_his/

zauxr0

Grant theft Auto (Don't miss out on it)!

INCONCLUSIVE

[removed]

Goerge1988

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zaxw1n/grant_theft_auto_dont_miss_out_on_it/

zaxw1n

AITA for telling my mom she must have had no self-respect to marry my dad?

NEW UPDATE

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/thrwy_sluttydad in r/amitheasshole** trigger warnings: >!slut shaming, homophobia!< ---   [**AITA for telling my mom she must have had no self-respect to marry my dad?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/q9atd4/aita_for_telling_my_mom_she_must_have_had_no/) - 16 October 2021 Some context: My (16F) high school has an annual fall dance. Not last year, for obvious reasons. But it's back on this year with covid restrictions, of course, and it's been unseasonably warm this season (thanks global warming?) so a lot of the dance will be taking place outside. Anyway, the boys are supposed to ask the girls, and yesterday at lunch, a boy asked me and I agreed to go with him. My dad has always been a traditional kind of guy when it comes to me and my younger sister (14F). So last night at dinner, I mentioned that I had a date for the dance, and he made a crack about answering the door with his shotgun. The thing is, I'm pretty sure he would do it. I told him that if he was going to be like that, I'd just meet up with our friend group at school. He then got very serious and told me in an angry tone that he didn't want me sneaking around with some guy without his knowledge. He asked me what I even knew about this guy. He then said he didn't want me to to turn into one of those "slutty girls" who give it all away to the first guy they meet and who no self-respecting man would ever want to marry. That's when I flipped a switch. I like to think I'm a pretty good kid. I get good grades, I play volleyball, I help my sister with her homework and help drive her to her soccer practice, I've never had a boyfriend. So being talked to like I was some lovestruck idiot who was going to wind up pregnant because I'm choosing to go to a dance with a friend really annoyed me. Also, I know a bit about my dad's history. He was in a frat in college, and he's told stories to my cousin (18M), who recently started college at a big state school where frat culture is a big thing. So I told him that: a) this guy is my friend and he seems nice, but if he turns out to be a dick I'll figure it out b) I only agreed to go to a dance. The last time I checked, going to a dance was not a binding sexual contract. And here's where I may have crossed the line. I told him that I knew he was in a frat in college, and I know what goes on in those places. I also know the stories he's told my cousin. So in the heat of the moment, I said something along the lines of: "By your own logic, the only slut in the family is **you.**" Then I looked at my mom and said "you must have had no self-respect to have married him." By the looks on their faces, I could tell what I said was hurtful. And then of course, I got yelled at and probably won't be able to go to the dance at all. But I feel like it's unfair for him to give me a lecture about "slutty" behavior and self-worth when he's recently been bragging to my male cousin about doing MUCH worse things when he was just a few years older than me. But maybe I crossed the line trying to prove my point. AITA? Verdict: NTA **UPDATE:** oh god oh fuck oh god oh fuck. I did it. I came out, and I did it out of spite. I picked a whole god damn bouquet of whoopsie-daisies. To be clear, I know I said in the comments that I wasn't sure if I was into guys, but that's kind of because I figured I should experiment with men out of obligation before deciding about my sexuality. But the more my dad talked about the whole pregnancy thing last night and the more I thought about it, I realized that it's just so far out of the realm of interest. And I've had crushes on girls, although it's hard to admit to myself. It's not super duper ok in my family. So I took the comments saying I need to apologize to my mom to heart, and I realized y'all were right - she didn't deserve that. I made her an omelette and a coffee and brought it to her in bed and sat down with her on the bed so we could talk about what happened. My dad was out of the house. I just explained to her that I said what I did last night out of anger, and that I was hurt that all these horrible accusations were being thrown at me when I feel like I've given them no reason to doubt my judgement. I apologized to her and told her how out of line it was for me to attack her when it wasn't her who I was angry at. And that I feel like my dad doesn't really see me as a valuable person because he believes that I'm not smart enough to take my own decisions seriously, and that if I did make a mistake, I wouldn't be worth anything to him or anyone. I cried, because it was hurtful. She understood and was starting to talk, but then my dad walked in. Keep in mind, I was still angry at him. And he walked into the whole scene and said something nasty. He saw I was crying and said "oh, hormones, looks like someone's pregnant already." The look on his face said it was a joke. But I hated it. My mind went into mean girl overdrive. Granted, what I did was not smart. But I was done. So I said, "Good news, I don't think me having sex with men and getting pregnant is something you'll ever have to worry about". He looked at me. I looked at him. He looked at me. I looked at him. It clicked. Now he's out for a drive and the whole house has been quiet. I'm kind of hiding in my room. Oops.   [**UPDATE: AITA for telling my mom she must have had no self-respect to marry my dad?**](https://www.reddit.com/user/thrwy_sluttydad/comments/r9vg5g/update_aita_for_telling_my_mom_she_must_have_had/) - 6 December 2021 Hi Reddit, A lot of people have been messaging me asking for an update, and first of all, I just want to thank you all for the outpouring of support. I think we can all agree that the internet can bring out the best and worst in people - in this case, wow. Nothing but the best, no hateful DMs whatsoever or weird shit, just genuine people sending love. This could not be more appreciated, trust me. So the first thing I'd like to say is a lot of people were worried for my safety, but rest assured I am 100% fine. Apologies for not updating sooner, but as you can imagine, things got crazy and with a multiple balls in the air (metaphorically, I'm gay lol) I just felt the dust wasn't settled enough to post an update. But we're here now! I want to start by saying that my relationship with my family, especially my dad, is continuously improving. Let's rewind to the return from the trip to Taco Bell. So where we left off, my sister and I went to TB and hung out in the parking lot for a while. She told me that eventually, we would have to go home, and I realized she was right. So I drove us home. Not gonna lie, I was shaking. I didn't know quite what I would be walking into. When I got home, the house was weirdly quiet. I think my mom was in my parents' room, and my dad was out on the back porch with a beer. Not catatonic, exactly, but alarmingly still. I'd gotten him some TB before my sister and I left (it always used to be our thing) - a cruchwrap (or what I call the meat frisbee). I went out on the porch and sat down, asked if we could talk. He said yes, but it was minutes of awkward silence. Eventually he told me he was surprised. I asked why, and he said "well, you just don't *look* gay". This wasn't surprising. Without revealing details about my appearance or my location, I'm from the suburbs and I look like it. To my dad, he has a very specific idea of what a gay girl looks like, so it just didn't quite compute for him at the time. I kind of said "well, I don't know what to tell you there". There was quite a bit more silence and tension. And, being me, I decided to break the ice by saying something cheeky. I asked him if he had any tips for me from his frat days. When he asked what I meant, I said something along the lines of "oh, you know. For scoring points with the ladies". This was where the mood shifted. He lost it laughing, and I did too. I knew then everything was going to be absolutely fine between us. My parents both have a lot to learn about this stuff. While my parents try to be open-minded, they have a lot of confusion about LGBTQ+ stuff (for example, they're not fully there on understanding pronouns. I'm trying to get them there). But they're more and more on board with what it means to have a gay daughter. And frankly, I'm new here, so I'm figuring out what it means to be gay too. For those wondering, I went to the dance and it was well...a high school dance. A fun time but nothing lifechanging. I've been coming out to my friends slowly but surely, and the reaction has been hilarious. Essentially the overwhelming response is "yeah... this isn't new information". I guess I was the last one to figure it out. Again, TY internet strangers for all the support. Much love to you all.   [**Explaining to my dad that he's disrespecting my SAHM**](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/rtducg/explaining_to_my_dad_that_hes_disrespecting_my/) - 1 January 2022 Hello again reddit, Some of you may remember me, I posted on AITA a while back about a weird coming out story. You can look at my prof for info. Anyway, my dad, as many of you have pointed out, is certainly a character. He's been really good about understanding in terms of my coming out, but let's just say that we have a lot of learning to do. Anyway, this story has nothing to do with me and everything to do with my mom. So as I may have mentioned, my mom is a shy personality, she's also been a SAHM all my life. And let me tell you, I get so miffed about the flack SAHMs get in the world. It is WORK. I know, cuz I'm kind of an AH and my mom just was constantly there for us growing up. Now that I'm older and I can help with driving my younger sister it helps, but she still handles cooking, cleaning, organizing our extracurriculars - everything. Anyway, my dad has had a habit all my life of making a point out of how my mom contributes nothing financially. And I just don't think he comprehends what he has. And now that I came out and the dust has settled, I thought in for a penny, in for a pound, I've learned the value in standing up to him and I think he weirdly respects it. So onto what happened. He made a comment the other night b/c my younger sister recently had a growth spurt and obviously needs new clothes, so she wanted to take her on a shopping trip. He decided to say something along the lines of "I'm sorry, with whose money?" and that pissed me off. So because it's my break from school I decided to get elaborately weird because I don't have a lot going on. I decided to make a power point presentation earlier tonight (in lime green comic sans font and transitions) explaining what mom does and how insane it is to suggest she doesn't contribute financially to their relationship. I prefaced this by saying something along the lines of "this is what you'd have to do/who you would have to hire to maintain your quality of life if god forbid, mom was gone tomorrow". The text of the slides are as follows. (feel free to correct my numbers in the comments). Title: "So you think mom doesn't financially contribute to this relationship?" Slide 1: "The first thing you'd need (especially 5 years ago) is a 24/7 live-in nanny. According to google, the average salary is 35k/year (insanely low) but considering this nanny would have no vacation time or hours per night guaranteed off work, let's tack on another 15k. Slide 2: Mom doesn't just take care of us, she cooks everything. The average salary of a personal chef per year, according to Google, is nearly 49k/year. Again, factor in 3 meals a day and no vacation time, no weekends. So tack on another 15k at least. Slide 3: Babysitters and chefs don't provide cleaning services. So you would need a part-time housekeeper, 7 days/week. Let's say 4 hours/day. Assuming they were paid well, $15/hr x 4 hrs x 7 days x 52 = 21,840 Slide 4: Mom deals with all our appointments, extracurriculars, organizing stuff. So you'd at least need a part time personal assistant. Let's just say around the same hourly and schedule as a housekeeper. $21,840. Slide 5: Mom also helped with our homework, which not all babysitters would do. So you might need a tutor 5 nights a week (sunday- thursday). Likely 3 hours. Average part-time tutor salary in the US is 33k/year. Slide 6: Speaking of, let's do some of that addition that mom taught me! 35+15+49+15+2(21,840)+33=190,680 Slide 7: Happy New Year, Dad! ​ So obviously the fight came. He said I had no business poking my nose into finances, which, fair. But I argued that he made it my business when he kept holding it over mom. He said he works his ass off for us, which he does. But I said he wouldn't be able to dedicate that much energy to work if mom didn't literally take care of everything else in his life for him. And that he should appreciate what she does because they both contribute to the house in different ways. And that she makes his quality of life possible with everything that he does. I'm willing to admit that I went overboard here but my mom does so much and my dad couldn't get by without her. And she's just so quiet and just takes it. And she's been so supportive of my coming out process and she deserves someone to stand up for her. And she deserves to go shopping, and when she does she deserves to get something for herself. She's basically giving him 190k/year.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zaynbh/aita_for_telling_my_mom_she_must_have_had_no/

zaynbh

AITA for not making my son apologize to my MIL after an argument?

ONGOING

**I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/MadDadThrowaway8630](https://www.reddit.com/user/MadDadThrowaway8630/). He originally posted in r/AITA. I fixed the title per his edit at the bottom of the first post. **Trigger Warnings:** >!Food tampering, religious bigotry!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!Hopeful for the nuclear family unit!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z4i1cv/aita_for_not_making_my_son_apologize_to_his_mil/)**: November 25, 2022** I (m41) am married to my wife (f37). I have two kids from my previous marriage, (b15) (g13). I am Jewish, as was my first wife before she passed. My current wife is not. We have no kids together. My kids have always got along with their stepmom and her family fairly well, until recently. Thanksgiving with my wife’s family is a huge affair, and it’s the only chance a lot of the family has to see each other during the year. My kids and I do not eat pork, but there are always options for us or we bring something we specifically can eat, like vegetarian lasagna. Wednesday night I had dinner with my wife’s parents at their place. I should mention that my wife is not very personally religious although she attends services with her parents monthly. My PIL are very, very conservative-style Evangelicals. We mostly don’t talk about our religious difference although I once had to stop my MIL from encouraging my daughter to be baptized. Everything was fine until the end of the meal when my MIL crossed her arms and said “See, we told you nothing bad would happen.” I asked her what she meant. My MIL said she had mixed bacon into one of the dishes (a casserole) to prove a point to us. I tried to ask very calmly why she would do something like that. My MIL said it was to show that there was no point in following ‘the Old Testament law’ anymore. I asked my FIL if he knew what she had done and he said yes. He seemed more uncomfortable but he talked a bit about how Christ came to free us from the Jewish law and that they wanted to show us how we could be freed from the law as well. (He has worked as a pastor in the past). By this time my daughter was crying and left the room. My wife got up and followed her. My son has been growing more observant as he gets older (he is more observant than me or my daughter). He flipped out. He screamed at my PIL that they were terrible people, called my MIL some very nasty names, and said he never wanted to come back. My FIL started shouting back and my MIL started crying. I told my kids to get in the car and then told my wife we were leaving. She told me she would stay at her parents so she could help with Thanksgiving prep the next morning. I was texting with my wife on TG and she told me my son is not welcome to come until he apologizes for the things he called my MIL. I told her that’s ridiculous but she is siding with her parents. I told my kids we would not be attending Thanksgiving. Instead we ordered Chinese and watched movies. My son was fine with it but I could tell my daughter was down. She missed out on seeing a lot of friends she has in my wife’s family. My wife is still at her parents as of now. I should mention that I too am very angry at what happened and what I feel is the disrespect shown to me and especially my kids. I am torn on whether to encourage my son to apologize contingent on a mutual apology to us. AITA? EDIT 1). The title says my son and his MIL. I meant my MIL, his step-grandmother. *OOP is voted NTA* **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z4i1cv/aita_for_not_making_my_son_apologize_to_his_mil/ixuw7dg/?context=3)**: November 26, 2022 (in comments)** Wow, I’m overwhelmed by the outpouring of support. Thanks everyone. * When I wrote this post, I was still numb and paralyzed. I didn’t realize how much. Looking back, I agree with many of the commenters and wish I had had the presence of mind to communicate how heinous and violating my MIL and FIL were in the heat of the moment, instantly. * My wife came back home a few hours after the post. When I said she was taking her parents side, it was about my son apologizing for calling my MIL the b-word and c-word. She claims she had no idea what they planned to do and spent most of the holiday fighting with her parents. * On reflection though, I am very disappointed in her reaction as well as my own. After some discussion we will be taking some further steps. My son will be making no apologies for anything. My MIL and FIL are not welcome in my home nor will we be going to theirs. All contact with my kids is cut off. I have contacted my rabbi and lawyers about how best to move forward. * As to my marriage, we will be attending couples counseling. My wife has been a rock and a loving stepmother for our four year marriage, and she has particularly bonded with my daughter. I don’t know if our marriage can survive this though, because my trust has broken, my son especially has had his trust broken, and my relationship with my PIL is irrevocably broken. I will pursue a restraining order if they try to initiate contact with my kids. I have tried to communicate on here calmly without breaking out into how angry and violated we all feel. Thank you to everyone who validated that. *Final Comment:* I have made the decision as a parent to not penalize my son for anything he said in response to being violated and assaulted by my PIL. I am very proud of him and for the way he stood up for the dignity of both himself and his sister. He is a true mensch.

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zb86ee/aita_for_not_making_my_son_apologize_to_my_mil/

zb86ee

If 12 Noon is High noon...is midnight Low noon? Do that means that tge time now is half passed Dark Noon? :O

ONGOING

[removed]

AmethystOutlaw

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zb9q24/if_12_noon_is_high_noonis_midnight_low_noon_do/

zb9q24

OOP: Me [28F] with my husband [30M] He wanted many children, I didn't want any, agreed on one and it was a mistake

INCONCLUSIVE

**I am not the OOP. OOP is u/badmommaaa** #[POST: 8 Feb 2015 - Me [28F] with my husband [30M] He wanted many children, I didn't want any, agreed on one and it was a mistake](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2v6tmp/me_28f_with_my_husband_30m_he_wanted_many/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) Throwaway. My husband and I have been together for 6 years, married for two. We've had an amazing relationship. He's always wanted a large family, lots of kids, house with a picket fence, you know the deal. I've never liked children, but everyone, EVERYONE I've talked to told me "It's different when they're your own." So we went ahead and had a baby. Long story short, it's the worst decision I've ever made. Our daughter is a year old and not a minute goes by where I don't regret my decision. I feel lied to by all the family and friends that pressured me and made me feel like it was something I was supposed to do. Everyone wants kids, they said. Even if you don't think so, you'll be glad you did. I'm kicking myself for listening to them. It's not the screaming, wailing, shrieking. It's not the neediness, the tantrums, or the lack of sleep. It's the fact that this is a LIFELONG commitment that I can never get out of. This baby is 100% dependent on my husband and I. We don't have a sex life anymore; Hell, we barely have a marriage anymore. The baby took over all of our time and energy. I feel guilty for feeling this way. I've been to therapy, and am still going, but what can really help this situation? I resent my baby for taking away the life I loved. I can never have that back. Every damn day I wish I could go back and not have her. I should never have listened to anyone else. I'm at the end of my rope. What can I do? tl;dr: Had a baby after people told me it would be a good decision and that it would be different when the kid was my own, it was the worst decision of my entire life. Some comments from OOP (formatted for brevity): 1. I don't want to divorce him. He's been my partner for a long time and I don't want to throw that away. 2. Thank you. I'm on the verge of tears right now. I wish someone had told me it was alright NOT to have them and took me seriously. I felt like having this baby was really my only choice. And thank you for valuing MY life too, my family makes it seem like our daughter is the only important person in the world. I feel like I'm just a mom, not the person I once was. 3. Hubby is wonderful with her. We both work full time jobs, my mother watches her while we work. I cook dinner every night and he does the bath/change/watch over her routine while I do that. This is going to sound bad, but I actually try to make sure my time with her is limited because there's only so much noise I can take, and she gets VERY loud. (No health issues, just a vocal baby.) So he takes care of her about 70 percent of the time we are around her. 4. He knows there will never be another one as long as we're together. He's seen the strain on me and on our marriage, and while he is good with her he admitted it is exhausting. #[UPDATE: 27 May 2015 - 28F with husband 30M with our baby girl that we shouldn't have had.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/37gjag/update_28f_with_husband_30m_with_our_baby_girl/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) Here was my post for those that remember me. I just wanted to give an update, since many of you were very kind and supportive and deserve to know what's happened since then. It's been three months. We split up. It's been the worst thing, even worse than I thought. I ended up coming clean and showing him my OP, and he didn't take it well. He was confused, said that I was a great mother and he had no idea I felt that way. I told him I would like to do couples therapy with him, so that he could see how I feel when our emotions aren't going haywire and I can be rational. Basically I suggested he sit in with me when I go to therapy, and he agreed. At first he was more than willing to work with me. He said he would do most of the child care, which he already does. He said he'd let me do all the fun stuff, playing with her, reading to her, singing, cuddling. To me, none of that is fun! I told him so, and suggested that maybe we could even get separate housing (we both make good money). I could get a one bedroom apartment and see him for dinner, and just go to sleep at a different place. That's when it hit him that I was really serious about not wanting her. He started crying, told me this wasn't what he expected when we said our vows, and I might have said some things like "Well I didn't expect to be pressured into having a child I didn't want, but that happened." I stayed with my female co-worker for a few days to calm down. We went no contact for those days. When I came back home, all my stuff was packed and by the door. He was sitting on the couch, staring into space. Our baby was down for a nap, so we had to talk quietly. He said he was going to file for divorce and ask for sole custody. I said okay. He seemed sad that I wasn't going to fight for her. I ended up getting my own apartment like I said I would, but it's lonely. I'm fucking heartbroken. I haven't seen my daughter in three months, and a small part of me aches for what could have been, but overall I feel relief that I'm not dealing with that constant stress anymore. I miss my husband more than I can express. I've gained thirty pounds since our fight. On the weekends when I don't have work I just binge watch netflix and don't shower. The reality of this situation is no one was going to end up happy. I doubt he is. But at least he loves her and I know he's taking good care of her, and that means he isn't falling into the same depression I am. I haven't gotten divorce papers yet, so maybe he isn't as dead-set on this breakup as I thought. Sorry this wasn't a happy outcome, guys. I just wanted to update and..talk to someone other than my therapist. Thanks. TL;DR! We split up. I'm miserable. Hopefully it's temporary. Some comments from OOP (formatted for brevity): 1. His parents, of course, have taken his side. My own mother is currently not speaking to me. I have never felt more alone in my entire life. I have been in therapy for months and sometimes I spend the entire session crying. I'm getting hate from my own family, saying that I'm being stupid and throwing away my life for no reason. NO ONE has taken my side. So yes, I got my freedom. Yes, I removed myself from my situation, and yes, my daughter will be better off without me. I do not consider this a pyrrhic victory at all. I consider this one of the worst periods of my life. 2. Selfish?? I spent over a year sacrificing myself for someone else. 9 months carrying a baby, 12 months taking care of a screaming child that gives nothing back. I did it for my husband, out of love, to make him happy. I'm sorry that it's selfish to not be able to do it anymore. 3. Of course I can be wrong. I wish none of this had happened. I was wrong to have a baby. I was wrong to not get an abortion when I had the chance. But that doesn't matter now, it's done. A lot of people seem to think I will change my mind and be a good mother because I think of what could have been. I don't think that's healthy for all of us involved. I do not think I am a good mother. I don't like being around her. She stresses me out and annoys me, and no, I don't think she's cute. So why would I go back, even if I could? I appreciate your kind words, but I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Maybe the best thing to do is move and get a fresh start. 4. He kicked me out. I wasn't set on leaving. I was looking for options and he decided it was best if I had the decision made for me. 5. I have been evaluated for PPD and do not have it. I've been going to a therapist for a long time for unrelated issues. I do care about what happens to her, but in the way that you'd care about a stray animal you found in your backyard. He's blocked my number. I will give him child support, but he has to be able to talk to me for that to happen. I've thought about going to my old place and waiting for him to come home, but I'm not in the best shape right now. I want to at least look human when I see him. I'm trying to accept that he won't want me back. That seems to be Reddit's general consensus. There's nothing I'd like more for them to be wrong and he still love me, but maybe some things can't be fixed. 6. Raising a child I didn't want and having her grow up knowing that I resented her? As much as it hurts now, she IS better off without me around. I didn't make the choice to leave--HE did. He kicked me out. I wanted to work on things, and he thought it was best that we go our seperate ways. 7. For him and I to be together again. It's unrealistic, but the hope that something will change is all I have right now. 8. I wish there was a way we could be happy together like we were before. I know that's impossible, but we were truly happy together. **There have been no updates or comments since**

Confident-Addition76

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zbaju4/oop_me_28f_with_my_husband_30m_he_wanted_many/

zbaju4

I (37M) have a biological child who I've never seen (17F) wanting to make contact which I don't want but my family does. What should I do here?

INCONCLUSIVE

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/[deleted] in r/relationship_advice** trigger warning: >!rape!< ---   [**I (37M) have a biological child who I've never seen (17F) wanting to make contact which I don't want but my family does. What should I do here?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/k02e7g/i_37m_have_a_biological_child_who_ive_never_seen/) - 24 November 2020 PLEASE READ BEYOND THE TITLE AS IT'S DIFFERENT TO WHAT YOU EXPECT. When I was 19, I was raped by an older colleague (34F) after a works night out and she got pregnant. It didn't go anywhere legally as it was my word against hers and she had the kid. Sadly as there's no proof it wasn't consensual, I had to pay child maintenance until it was 16. Obviously as it was a product of what happened to me, I wanted nothing to do with it. Told her to raise her rape baby herself. The woman died (not sorry about it) a couple of years back and I've not heard anything about the kid since so I had no idea what was going on other than my maintenance stopping. Which was a relief because I finally felt like a millstone had been lifted from around my neck. Because of what happened, I never have been in relationships because of the issues it's caused me and I haven't got any kids or anything like that so I feel like I can start living a bit. Brought down to earth a bit last month when my mum said the kid got in touch with her on social media and asked about me/my family and told them she was living with her grandparents herself after her mum died until they both died themselves so she's not got anyone now. Now my mum is one of these people with a massive soft spot for kids/young people so feels sorry for her. I told her I don't feel comfortable with her being in touch with us and I want nothing to do with her so keep her away from me. She seemed upset but I thought she accepted it. I will say throughout it all since then, my parents have been an absolute rock - they were some of the only people to support me and I couldn't have done it without them. So I was talking to my mum at the weekend and she admitted to me that she's not only kept in touch with the kid, but she had met them the week before (and they didn't tell me). Basically they feel really bad for her because of the life she's had and are starting to enjoy her being in their life. Not only that, she's been asking about me and what happened and wants to meet me to talk and ask me questions. Obviously, I'm upset about it. I not only had a go for going against my wishes, but for betraying my trust like that. She said it's hard for her and my dad because of the way I've been, never had any kids or anything, they have always been sad that they'll never have a grandchild and this may be their only chance. She also told me she thinks I'm being out of order taking it out on an innocent child who didn't ask for this and could at least meet her to talk. I've said no and not spoken since, which is hard because I normally ring my folks twice a day and my mum keeps on trying to ring me. I don't know what to do Reddit. I obviously don't want to be cruel but that kid is a reminder of what happened to me and I am just angry she's coming back into my life now when I thought it could be over. And how could my parents do this to me when they know how I feel? As it stands I have no desire to meet her, and don't see the good that could come from it. But I don't want to lose my parents either. What should I do? **EDIT.** So I spoke to my mum today. She's still insistent on having a relationship with her. I said she can, but tell her I do not want to meet her at all and won't do at all. Would you believe my folks are actually intending on her coming over and having Christmas dinner with us? I basically said if they do that, I'm not going. **IMPORTANT EDIT!** I get people disagreeing with my parents actions but do not be disrespectful of them or call them names please. Despite this, they're wonderful people and were the only people who have ever had my back throughout. Thank you. Tldr: child born of my rape wants to make contact but I don't and my parents have been in contact despite my wishes and are forging a relationship with her and she wants to talk to me and I don't want it which is causing issues between my folks and me. What should I do?   [**UPDATE I (37M) have a biological child who I've never seen (17F) wanting to make contact which I don't want but my family does. What should I do here?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/k2lbm6/update_i_37m_have_a_biological_child_who_ive/) - 28 November 2020 EDIT I AM MALE! CAN YOU PLEASE STOP ASSUMING I WAS A WOMAN JUST BECAUSE I WAS RAPED! So much went on since my last post. I spoke to my parents. I basically laid out exactly why I didn't want contact with her. I explained it's not a personal thing, but rather she is to me the living embodiment of my rapist and that if I were to have contact I feel it would make me re-live it all over again. I reassured them they can have contact with her and I won't stop it but to stop trying to force me. They obviously agree with me, and said they'll respect my wishes. With regards to Christmas, as it stands she'll go for Christmas day and I won't and I'll go for boxing day. My parents are upset because it means I'll be completely on my own Christmas day. I also wrote her a letter and gave it to them. I wasn't mean or anything to her but I explained exactly why I didn't want contact and how being in touch with her would make me feel and that until I get better, I didn't want contact and asked her to respect that. My folks gave it to her and she read it while she was at their house. My mum told me she broke down crying and was really upset - obviously had no idea what happened. She asked them if they'd let her have some paper and write me a letter back and she did - they gave it to me. Initially I went mad that they did give it to me because I felt like they didn't respect what I'd said but they begged me to read it so I did. And god I'm now confused. The letter was sweet for want of a better word. She admitted in it that she had no idea and apologised to me. And that hurt that she felt like she had to apologise. She also said she'd respect my wishes but gave her contact details and said if I ever wanted to speak to her, she'd be there for me. She also slipped a little passport photo of her in it - which is the first time I've ever seen her and what she looks like. It's weird because before this, she was just a thing. I could ignore her. But reading that she became real. She has a little girls handwriting. I felt like I could feel her pain in the letter. And seeing her photo - she's a kid. Doesn't look like me, but really looks like my dad but with her mum's hair and eye colour. But she does look sad in it. I didn't say anything to my parents about it. But I'm now really fucking confused. I know I shouldn't have contact with her, and still don't want it for all the reasons I've said before. It's not good for me and also I don't think for her. But I realise I don't hate her or am angry at her at all. I don't want her to feel guilty about her horrible mother. And now I see she's a person - god it's fucked up. I don't know what's going to happen. **EDIT** so I just sent my mum a message asking her to say to her that I read her letter and that I don't want her to feel that she has to apologise because she's done nothing wrong. She's replied back saying she will. I think she deserves to know that at least. Tldr: spoke to my parents, laid out my boundaries and wrote her a letter. She wrote me one back and now I'm confused.   [**Reddit, you were advising me on the situation I (37M) am in with my biological child (17F). So today I made a decision and want to see if it sounds as crazy as it is in my own head?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/k4tbsm/reddit_you_were_advising_me_on_the_situation_i/) - 1 December 2020 So basically I've decided to go to my parents house at Christmas - when she's going to be there - and meet her. I honestly just decided it today. I've been talking to my mum about it all weekend and the past few days, and the more we talk openly it has made everything seem a bit more clear. I have worked out that despite the history attached and no matter our biology, she's just a little girl. So today, I was talking to my mum on my lunch break and we were discussing Christmas and how we'd do it logistically as at this point, I was only going boxing day. When my mum mentioned Christmas dinner and playing me one up to warm up and eat at home, I just realised what's the point of avoiding everyone and sitting at home getting pissed and playing my PC with only my fish for company. So I went something like "yeah fuck it, get enough for me and I'm coming Christmas day too." She thought I was joking. When she realised I wasn't, I could tell in the tone of voice she was thrilled. She asked me if I realised the kid's still going and I said I do. She asked me how I feel. I said honestly I don't want to think about all that, I just want to go Christmas day and spend it with my family. And if a young girl's there, I'll just be polite and respectful and treat her how I would any lonely young woman on Christmas day. I asked her to let her know, and text her and see if she's also ok with that. She did, and in the short space of time on my call she got back to my mum really happy, saying of course it is and can't believe it. So that's it, I'm going. My mum texted me earlier saying she's (mum)so happy I'm coming and doesn't have to worry about me being on my own anymore. I sat there this afternoon feeling a bit relieved. And I'm also absolutely bloody terrified but not in a bad way? More of a facing something uncertain way. Am I nuts? A week ago I posted and was acting like I would rather cut contact with everyone. Now I don't really know what I feel. I'm thinking of writing her another letter too. Nothing serious, just a bit about me to introduce myself and maybe ask her for one back. Would that be a nice thing to do? Too much? I mean obviously I might panic and cancel last minute knowing how flaky I can be but I hope not. **EDIT:** thanks to the great suggestion of u/Mis_Bee_Have I've set up a new email address solely for the purpose of her and I to communicate so it saves us both having to write letters and wait. My mum's got her email for me so I'm in the process of drafting an email. Fucking hell, I've spent hours in the past week communicating with strangers all over the world on Reddit but do you think I know what to say in an email to a teenage girl living not too far away from me? I'm absolutely blank. Tldr: I'm going to my parents house at Christmas and the girl who's my biological daughter will be there and we'll meet despite being against it previously. I'm not sure if I'm being brave or mad.   [**UPDATE I (37M) have a daughter. So what now? What does someone in my position do?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/k7hqt1/update_i_37m_have_a_daughter_so_what_now_what/) - 5 December 2020 So sorry folks, editing my post I accidentally deleted it. Those of you who check out post history, are welcome to check my post history out. TW: RAPE though. I also posted this on another sub but it got pulled for some reason. But me and my daughter have been corresponding through email this last few days a lot - it feels like hundreds of emails and getting to know each other. Even though it's been weird, I have really enjoyed it - she's a lovely kid, and I genuinely like her. So this afternoon we were chatting and I signed off my email "love dad" without thinking. And she messaged me back "dad.... you mean it?" And I was like "I suppose I do." I haven't heard from her since because she's working today but I keep on thinking about it. In fact she texted me a couple of minutes ago with a smiling emoji and a love heart. I responded the same. I was so scared to embrace her. To me, a couple of weeks ago she was just my rapist's baby. Now - I acknowledged she's mine. Like I'm her dad. She's my daughter. I wouldn't say love is the right word but... she's mine. If someone asked me if I had a kid, I'd say I do. I don't know how I feel about it on an emotional level. I don't have this warm paternal feeling like I think people probably do but at the same time, I know she's mine. Even though we've never met. But at the same time, I feel I want to meet her before Christmas. I don't know if I can wait. Even if we have a video message. I'm going to video call her tomorrow - fuck me, I'm really really nervous. I don't think a lot of people have been in my situation ever. But is this natural? Am I doing it right? Should I do anything different? What does a dad actually do? I feel like crying yet smiling at the same time.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zbch9u/i_37m_have_a_biological_child_who_ive_never_seen/

zbch9u

Update and conclusion - OP (28F) starts divorce proceedings from husband (42M)

CONCLUDED

[removed]

bobapotatochips

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zbfdrl/update_and_conclusion_op_28f_starts_divorce/

zbfdrl

Update and conclusion to OP (28F) feels ready to leave her husband (42M)

CONCLUDED

***I am not OP!*** This update has been posted 9 months after the last one. Original post by u/wheresthecoffeebro on r/relationships has since been deleted by mods, here's a [link to the original BORU post and the first update](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/skbggw/op_feels_ready_to_leave_her_husband/). Newest update at the bottom. Large texts split into paragraphs for readability. Mood spoiler: >!happy!< Trigger warnings: >!none!< ORIGINAL: [**I (28F) feel like I'm ready to leave my marriage to my husband (42M)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/rwcpxl/i_28f_feel_like_im_ready_to_leave_my_marriage_to/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)**, posted on January 5, 2022** *edit* thank you all for the overwhelming support and kindness, means so much!! *second edit* I just found out he lost his job, and my gut is telling me he’s not being entirely truthful or is insanely down playing as to why he got fired. Now he wants to move down here with me, I 100% do not want him to. My husband and I have been together for around 8 years and married for a little over a year. We met during work, I felt like he was the one for me at the time but red flags started showing up very quickly. I am a plus sized women and can be very insecure at times and he has never ONCE made me feel any better, he has only made me feel worse. Once when he was spending the night at my apartment when we first started dating he told me "its okay, you can loose weight". The real kicker is he said this when he thought I was asleep. I told him I heard him months later, he made up excuses, I tried to forgive him but the words still sting. The most recent issue is that I was offered a much higher position at my work, this required me to move a few hours away from where we were living and to a different state. This wasn't something I took lightly and I had discussed it with him prior to even applying for the position. Side note: I was asked to apply for this job so the chances of me getting it were very high. When I asked him if he would be willing to move and look for work there he said yes, so I applied. While I was waiting to hear back, he decided to apply for a job locally that was better then his current position. I thought it was totally fine, it was a better opportunity and if I didn't get this job it would be a good fit. However I got the job. I took the job as soon as I was offered it because he had already said he was excited and willing to move, turns out his plans had changed without him talking to me. He ended up getting the other job and was suddenly completely fine living apart from me, without discussing long distance with me AT ALL. I'm happy he got the job, but I'm mad he didn't even look for work near me or try and be with me. I have been living alone for around 5 months and he hasn't kept a single promise he gave me. He hasn't called often, he barely talks to me and when he does all he really does is complain, and he doesn't visit me often even though I'm only 4 hours away. I don't expect him here every week, but I have now visited him more times then he has visited me. He constantly makes up excuses for why he can't visit, and went as far to say that I should visit twice in a row because I could only visit two days due to how busy I am with work. The thing that I can't get over is the fact he didn't even really try to see me on Christmas, he and I both worked but he didn't bother to try and make it up that weekend. eventually I just told him don't bother. There are so many other issues I could list with our sex life, how he watches porn constantly but our sex life is almost non-existent, how I feel more like a mother then a wife, how he will always side with others rather then me, but it would be too long of a post. I think a huge reason im staying in this relationship is because I am deathly afraid of being alone. Thank you if you took the time to read this all. Advice is welcome or just words of encouragement. TL;DR: I think I might be ready to consider leaving my husband who decided he was okay with a long distance relationship when I wasn't. FIRST UPDATE: [**I (28F) feel like I'm ready to leave my marriage to my husband (42M)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/sj8yv9/update_to_previous_post_i_28f_feel_like_im_ready/)**, posted on February 3, 2022.** Link to original post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/rwcpxl/i\_28f\_feel\_like\_im\_ready\_to\_leave\_my\_marriage\_to/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/rwcpxl/i_28f_feel_like_im_ready_to_leave_my_marriage_to/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) Here is a little update to those of you who wanted one. First of all, I would like to say thank you for all the kind words and genuine advice, though it was all things I had heard before, it made a massive difference hearing it from strangers who don't even know me. All of that and my friends giving me some tough but much needed love, I finally got the courage to talk to my husband. Not long after I posted my original post my husband called me to tell me he had ended up *LOSING* the job he abandoned me for. He doesn't have a good track record with work (Just in general has been seen as "lazy" ect.) so this wasn't shocking but was a *COMPLETE* slap in the face. Maybe I'm being harsh, but I felt let down *again*. As soon as he lost the job, he immediately started talking about how he was going to move in with me, I became sick to my stomach because *I DID NOT* want him here. I felt and still feel like a fall-back option. I wasn't his priority in the first place but now that he is down on his luck, it's just "easier" for him to move here and start over with my help. I told him to not look at jobs here right away and look where he is, and he somewhat agreed. After about a week of us not talking he messaged me out of nowhere telling me that he had found a job in my area that "Was a great opportunity", he used the same wording he had used with the job he had just lost. I was talking with a friend when he sent the message, she told me point blank 'Talk to him now, or he is going to show up on your doorstep and you are going to be stuck in this situation for another few years, and you promised yourself you would talk to him this week." She was 100% right, so I went and talked to him. I told him everything, how I felt, how I am feeling, how heartbroken I am, how his issues and his treatment of me have pushed me over the edge. He realized that a lot of what I said was things I had already brought up, he did own up to somethings, yet not everything. I had given him a million chances during the conversation to tell me the things I should improve on because I am well aware I am not blameless. I should have talked to him more etc. The only thing he could think of was the fact that I don't incite/participate in sex with him. I brought up my issues with sex and my insecurities, he said he understood but I don't think he understood how much it affected me (from my past trauma and other bad experiences), and how he never made me feel better. I then brought up how I hate how much porn he watches (side note: I don't hate porn, I just think excessive use can be bad), and how it gave him an unrealistic expectation of sex, he said, "I feel like I have to watch it to get turned on to have sex with you", that comment made my stomach drop, and my already low self-confidence deep dive even lower. Also, I knew this was a complete lie, as he NEVER initiated sex after watching porn- not once. I knew right then I was ***done***. How could I even consider repairing this when he feels like he needs to watch other people to get turned on enough to have sex with me?! Mind you, he would casually watch porn without jerking off or anything, this man always had porn open like a Spotify playlist. He is trying *DESPERATELY* to keep me, messaging me constantly how much he loves me, making YouTube playlists of songs, sending me flowers etc. but it's all too little, too late in my eyes. He's also downplaying the situation to his closest friends and family, just chalking it up to me being upset with him. All of this just makes me more upset, anxious, on edge, and quite frankly mad. I already started filling out paperwork to file for divorce when I am 100% ready and will be asking him to stop texting me as much (particularly all the lovey dovey out of character stuff) and sending me things this week. This whole thing has been a lot, but I am grateful for everyone who took the time to send me words of encouragement. I have realized, and am continuing to realize, my self-worth and I know I am worth so much more than a man who never tried in our whole 8 years of a relationship up until now. There's more I could get into, but I think I'll leave it here. Thank you all again for all your kind words and advice. Feel free to comment on the original post if you’d like to say anything, or would like to give words of wisdom or advice. TL:DR: I finally talked to my husband about everything and will be leaving him soon. Thank you to everyone who commented on my last post! **NEW UPDATE:** [**Update and conclusion**](https://www.reddit.com/r/MarkNarrations/comments/yz1umq/update_and_conclusion/) **(posted on** r/MarkNarrations **November 19, 2022, 9 months after the previous post)** You had been so kind and nice about your advice on my post ( **I (28F) feel like I'm ready to leave my marriage to my husband (42M)** ) in regards to me finally taking the steps to separate and divorce from my husband. Well, I have great news and wanted to share the final conclusion: Well, everyone this is my last and final update on this. After almost months and even weeks of simply not communicating with each other I got a text from him out of the blue. He stated that he was in a tough spot financially and needed help- particularly with some car repairs that had "popped up". Now if you've read my last posts then you wouldn't be surprised to find out, that I knew that these issues with his car were not a surprise and more something being put off until it became too late. Regardless, I was livid and upset at reading this message after months and weeks of no correspondence. I had given up on messaging or calling since I felt that I was the only one reaching out, or just simply checking in. So I messaged him just that. I told him how upsetting it was to only hear from him when he needed something, or when things got to a point where he needed help. His response, unsurprisingly, was to say he did try and reach out to me but that I refused to meet or talk (not true), and how long was he going to be punished for everything, that he thought he was making a good effort (all the flowers etc). He even goes as far to say that the job he had (and was fired from) was similar if not harder than mine (not that it was a competition to begin with), and that by job allows me more freedom to pick and choose my time off. Which both of those statements could not have been farther from the truth. He just kept making up excuses as to why his job went wrong, and honestly the rest of his message rambled on about wanting to talk once a week, and to "let go of uncommunicated expectations". Mind you this was all in one text message, and in response to me saying no to giving him money- and why I wouldn't give him the money. Did I mention he was asking for up to $3000? My response despite my rage, was diplomatic, at least I felt it was, and I owned up to my mistakes in regards to our relationship. At the end of it I simply just said "the reality is, I'm not making my future plans on us being together". He only replied by thanking me for my honesty and if he could have time to think and process the information. Mind you he's had months, over a year in fact, at this point. I said fine. A month passes by and he tells me he finally got a job, which I was really happy to hear. We made awkward small talk before I had to get on with the things I was doing that day. Finally once things calmed down for me with my work trips and my planned vacations. I contacted a lawyer a couple weeks ago, and asked him all the questions I had to start the process of divorce. I called my husband and we talked, and I finally said it was time for us to be honest with each other and realize it was time to end our marriage officially. To my surprise he agreed, and was pretty calm and diplomatic about it all. This past week I talked with my lawyer and we started the process officially. I've paid all the fees, and now just wait for it to be official. Thank you to everyone who gave their support and advice throughout this whole process. Means a lot that a group of complete strangers could be so supportive. Side note: I'm exercising at least twice a week now with a personal trainer, trying to gain my self confidence- and slightly get that post divorce revenge bod, haha let's be honest. TL:DR: Finally getting the divorce- just waiting for it to be legally official. # Friendly reminder that I am not OP, this is a repost.

bobapotatochips

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zbfj62/update_and_conclusion_to_op_28f_feels_ready_to/

zbfj62

My son stole a rare toy from my brother. My brother is refusing to take it back and is threatening to get the police involved. What do I do?

REPOST

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/whooooooop23 in r/legaladvice** ---   [**(va) My son stole a rare toy from my brother. My brother is refusing to take it back and is threatening to get the police involved. What do I do?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/ans8wm/va_my_son_stole_a_rare_toy_from_my_brother_my/) - 6 February 2019 Right now my brother is threatening to "sue" me for my son taking a figure from his collection and get the police involved. Here is the story. Last week my brother invited me and my family over for dinner. While we were there my son asked to see my brothers collection of toys and figures. My brother has spent a good deal of money on his collection and from what I know it's one of his biggest hobbies. Well, after dinner we left and everything seemed normal Well, until yesterday. My brother called me up furiously and told me my "little shit" stole something from his collection and I needed to return it immediately. I honestly was upset at this, but if my son had taken something that was wrong, especially if it was from my own brother. Well, it turns out that my son slipped away during dinner and took a Boba Fett figure from his collection. He confirmed it because he has footage from his porch camera of him taking it out to our car. I was furious and took it from him. Here is the problem though, after I confirmed with my brother it was his I found out that my son had removed it from it's packaging. Apparently the figure is worth almost 2000$ in it's package and almost nothing out of it. So my brother broke down over the phone and refused to take it back before hanging up. Well, he just called me again today and said he wanted me to pay for a replacement immediately or he will get the police involved and sue me. I told him I would help pay for one but not fully to which he said "not good enough" and hung up. Honestly, what are my options here? I can't afford to pay him back right now. If he does go the police will my son get arrested? He's only 15. It was very wrong of him to do but I think my brother is over reacting. What can I expect if he does take me to court or call the police?   [**Update, my son took the Boba Fett figure.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/aoi94x/update_my_son_took_the_boba_fett_figure/) - 8 February 2019 So, I never honestly expected the post I made to get where it did. I also never expected the barrage of support and hate. I will say these past 48 hours have been a ride and that post has not helped in any way. So, why am I back? Well, because I feel like I need to be. I'm not here to give some apology to a bunch of internet strangers for how I acted or seek validation. I'm here because I feel that for myself I need to admit my own wrongs and move on to a better place. So, I want to talk about something first before I get into the update. Many people who responded talked about how me or my brother in a bad light, and with how I reacted in the comments it didn't help the situation. I was also hit pretty hard for how I was not taking my brother into consideration when talking about the issue. To give some context for this, me and my brother have never had a good relationship. We have never seen eye to eye and after our fathers death he cut contact with me for a good amount of time. We're just to different in some senses. He's a single nerdy guy who has no aspiration for family while I’m the exact opposite. In these past few years we've tried to fix this. Work as adults to bring what little family we have back together. During our time apart he began collecting old nerdy things, and I won’t lie I never understood the appeal. It is his life though and he can do what he wants. So, when my son stole and damaged his property I didn't see how it was valuable to him and discounted it. So when he asked for 2,000 to fix it I really didn't feel like it was worth it. Was this wrong of me? Maybe. I don't feel bad about defending my son, I only feel bad that I discounted my brother in the process. Sorry about that. Like I said, I don't want sympathy. I only wrote that out to allow myself to be true about the situation. back to the update. So, after all was said and done, my family had pretty much been thrown into chaos. I had no idea what I was going to do and after talking with my wife, we decided we would take many of your advice and have my son pay him back. We collected all the non-essentials he had and planned to sell them to raise funds. During this time I got back into contact with my brother and wanted to talk this out to make sure this did not end badly. I offered to pay in full. (Also, some people in the comments said that the figure was worth less so I asked him. He had it professionally valued a few months ago when he bought it and it's was worth a total of 2,200$.) My brother said he plans to not sue us. His renters insurance apparently is willing to pay him the value he has listed, but he would need to file a police report to get it. At first we agreed not to go that route and simply pay him the value of it or one for a replacement if he could get it cheaper. This was the plan until last night. During the process of taking his things away, my wife found a conversation he had with a friend he has over the internet. It turns out my son stole the figure to sell. He had googled it while we were at my brothers house and found out how much it was worth and bragged to a friend that he was going to sell it at a pawn shop. He didn't realize that taking it out of the package would ruin it so he ripped it out to hid in the car better. Suffice to say, I am not happy about this. I won't elaborate on this very much more but me and my wife have decided that what is best for all of us is that we let him face the consequences of this. My brother is going to file a police report and collect money from insurance. Some may say this is a bit harsh, but honestly I think this might be for the best in the end. The way my son actively stole from family to make a profit worries me and I believe the only option that I can live with myself making is this. I will stand by my son till the need, but he needs to learn now before he is an adult. So, thank you all for the advice. The support and hate are what I needed as a true wake up call. Like I said, I don't need pity. I'm doing this so that I can be true to myself, and maybe become a better parent in the end.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zbkskd/my_son_stole_a_rare_toy_from_my_brother_my/

zbkskd

My (25m) (now ex) girlfriend (22f) cheated on me with my (now former) best friend (24m)

INCONCLUSIVE

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lilmxfi

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zbmle2/my_25m_now_ex_girlfriend_22f_cheated_on_me_with/

zbmle2

OP resents his family

NEW UPDATE

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Organic-Willow-9804

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zbnpjx/op_resents_his_family/

zbnpjx

My wife went out last night, and didn't come home until this morning + UPDATES

CONCLUDED

I am NOT OP. Original post by [u/throwoffmychest234](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwoffmychest234/) in r/TrueOffMyChest trigger warnings: >!cheating!< mood spoilers: >!upsetting for OOP, but ending is satisfying!< # FIRST POST: [My wife went out last night and didn't come home until this morning](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/y5f9sh/my_wife_went_out_last_night_and_didnt_come_home/) Oct. 16 2022 This is horrible, I'm furious right now. But I'm also depressed as hell. I know what I have to do, it's just killing me that I have to do it. It’s fresh, and it hurts a lot. My wife didn't come home last night. She went out with a couple of girlfriends, which is pretty normal for her. She's normally back around 2AM on these nights, so I waited up. Around 2:30, I called to check in. She answered, and I could hear people in the background. She told me they went to a party but were leaving in a couple of minutes. She wasn't home by 3 so I texted. It delivered, but no reply. Around 4AM I called again, it rang a couple of times before she sent me to voicemail. My wife finally came stumbling through the door at 6:47AM this morning. I know the exact time because I was worried. She was wearing a dress she didn't leave the house in, with mesh leggings I've never seen either. The leggings had clearly been torn, and her makeup was smudged. My heart sank when I saw her. My immediate worry was that she had been assaulted. She only shook her head no when I asked her that. I asked her what she had been doing then. She only said that I knew what she had been doing, and that kind of confirmed what the voice in the back of my head had been screaming since she walked in. My wife cheated on me last night. I asked her who it was, she shrugged almost casually and said it was somebody they met at the club. She went back to his house and hooked up with him, then Ubered home. She then said she didn't want to fight and just wanted to sleep. So that's what she did. She's still asleep now, and didn't even take a shower before passing out. Suffice to say our relationship is over. We don't have any kids, and we rent so it shouldn't be an extremely complicated process. I keep trying to reason myself out of it, pretending there might be something to salvage here. I've always maintained that cheating would be a red line for me though. I think I need to stick to that now. # Small Update: [True update coming later but for now...](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwoffmychest234/comments/y6gjy9/true_update_coming_later_but_for_now/) Oct. 17 2022 Alright, things have happened. I am no longer at home, I left. I wasn't able to get the day off work today though, so I'm writing this on my lunch now. It's been a struggle keeping myself together today, honestly. I've had to sneak off to the bathroom twice to cry, shit's rough dude. I'll post something more detailed later on because holyfuckingshit there's a lot. I'm exhausted. I've only slept about four hours total since this all happened. Does anyone know if I should post the actual update in a new thread, or just update the one I already made? It's gonna be a lot of text, probably longer than the first one by a bit. Also, to the woman who felt compelled to send me a topless picture. Thanks, but also no thanks. My heart just isn't in that sort of thing right now. # Final Update: [\[Update\] My wife went out last night and didn't come home until this morning](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/y79ekf/update_my_wife_went_out_last_night_and_didnt_come/) Oct. 18 2022 Original post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/y5f9sh/my_wife_went_out_last_night_and_didnt_come_home/) Me again, folks. I’m sorry I didn’t get around to this sooner. I wasn’t able to get the day off work yesterday because my boss kind of sucks. I was a complete mess at work yesterday though, so I was allowed to take the rest of the week as vacation, thankfully. I think I went through all of the stages of grief while my soon-to-be-ex was sleeping. I wasn’t expecting my post to get any attention at all. I just figured I needed to try to talk to someone about it, because I was not in a good headspace. I made the post in the morning, and by noon she was still conked out in the bedroom. I had processed things a bit more, and I had a rough plan in my head that I was starting to set in motion. I made a short list of questions I wanted answers to, gathered up all my important documents, laptop, etc. Then I went into the bedroom and started packing myself a suitcase. I know a lot of folks wanted me to kick her out. I did consider it, but honestly I’m not overly attached to this place. We just rent, and I’m in a lucky enough situation to be able to say that paying half the rent for a few months isn’t going to financially end me. It’ll sting a little bit, I won’t lie. But I’ll make it, and I feel like being around this place is only going to remind me of her anyway, I need to be looking forward, not back. She ended up waking up about halfway through me packing my suitcase. There was momentary confusion as she looked around the room then she just started balling. Maybe this is awful of me, but I didn’t bother comforting her. I told her I had the screenshots of her Uber and text messages from her phone, and that plus her confirmation was enough that things between us were completely done. She didn’t answer me, and just cried louder. I debated trying to continue the conversation, but I decided to just pack the rest of my suitcase and head back out to the living room until she came out. When she finally left the bedroom, she sat next to me on the couch and asked me if we could talk things through. I told her as calmly as possible that wasn’t how things were going to work. I was going to ask questions, I wanted honest answers. She told me she’d be honest, so I proceeded. My voice was shaking the entire time, it was taking me everything to hold it together but I kept going: **Was this the first time she had cheated?** She started crying before she answered that, then told me no. She had cheated on me multiple times over the course of our relationship. It was, and I’m going to use her words exactly here “Just sex, a way for me to let off steam. None of it ever meant anything.” I wrote a comment shortly after making my post that all the love couldn’t just fade away in one swoop. Well, it can. It hit me right then that I wasn’t dealing with my wife. The person I was married to literally wasn’t in the room. This was someone different. She refused to tell me exactly how many times she had cheated, just more than last night. **Had she used protection?** No hesitation from her before she nodded her head emphatically. She seemed surprised I’d even ask that. I’m still going to get tested just to be safe, I did some research into timing and I’m going to look after it. **Were her friends also cheating on their spouses?** Yes, and no. I tried to get her to tell me which of her friends were cheating so I could get in contact with their spouses. She probably should have, because her refusal led to me messaging pretty much the romantic partner of every one of her girlfriends I could find on social media. There are a couple I don’t know or couldn’t find, but I did my part. **Why did she do it?** This was the answer that gutted me the most. I’m going to use her exact words again. “I need to have sexual variety.” I told her that it’s not like our sex life is dull. She clarified. “It’s not the same as something new.” I didn’t even have a response to that one. I had expected something about me working too much, or not supporting her emotionally. Nope. She just fucked other guys because she felt like it, and wanted to have some fun. When I didn’t respond. She started asking me about counseling and therapy. I reiterated that our relationship was over. I’d be leaving. What she did next disgusted me. My ex actually tried to have sex with me. She put her hands on me, and started trying to take off my clothes. I felt like I wanted to vomit, and pushed her away after a couple of seconds. She just kept telling me that she would figure out a way to fix it, that we would work through it together. I told her that there was no way, and she started balling again. She went to the bathroom and locked herself inside. I was just sick of everything at that point. I called her mother, and told her what was going on. The full story too, the cheating, the questions I had asked, and the fact I was leaving. I’ve always had a good relationship with my Ex’s parents. They both decided to drive to town, which is about an hour for them. Once I knew someone was on the way, I just grabbed my things and left. Her waterworks in the bathroom were just annoying me because it felt hollow to me, especially given the answers to my questions. I ended up packing another bag before I left, and took all the things that I could think of that I felt sentimental attachment to, with me. I found a parking lot and sat in my car until I was able to get in contact with a buddy for a place to crash. I tried to take a nap, but I was running on way too much adrenaline. I knew when her parents had made it to the apartment because she started calling me. When I didn’t answer those, she started texting me. She had gone from sad and crying to furious. Apparently I’m a “fucking piece of shit” for telling her mom everything. Whoops. (I’m not sorry.) I’ve received roughly a hundred texts from her since leaving. They range from name-calling all the way to begging me to come back, to sending me pictures of the food she ate for some reason. I haven’t responded to any of them, I feel like I said my piece before leaving. So that’s where I’m at now. We didn’t have joint finances, so that part was easy. I canceled all the subscriptions that go to my credit card just to be sure, and changed all my important passwords. I’m crashing on a friend’s couch for the next bit, but I’ve got some feelers out to some short-term rental places until I can find something more permanent. I’ve got feelers out for a divorce attorney too. A co-worker of mine had a recommendation, so barring something better I’ll probably go with them. I also wanted to say that I was shocked how supportive everyone was, and thank you for that. Truly, from the bottom of my heart. It isn’t easy for me to talk about emotional things with people close to me. This was an invaluable venting place for me. Thank you all so much. **TL;DR:** This wasn’t the first time she had cheated on me, I packed up my things and left, and I think I’m on track to being in a better place. Working on initiating divorce proceedings now. ​ \*\*Reminder - I am not the original poster.\*\* **Note: I marked this thread as concluded because although we don't have an update on the divorce the last post was two months ago and OOP was very set on going through with it.**

opinionswelcomehere

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zbny0a/my_wife_went_out_last_night_and_didnt_come_home/

zbny0a

OOP's mom died by suicide and now her landlord is threatening to sue her.

INCONCLUSIVE

**I am not the original poster. Originally posted by** u/trwayyy1718 **in** r/legaladvice **in 2018.** Marked as "Concluded" as there have been no updates for 5 years. In order to hide the tw & mood spoilers on mobile, I have a new capybara fact: much like rabbits, they eat their own poop for additional nutrition. So admire them from afar, but don't go kissing your local capybara on the mouth! ​ tw:>!suicide!< mood:>!as positive as possible at the end!< ​ [**My mom commited suicide and now her landlord is threatening to sue me**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8gynwv/my_mom_commited_suicide_and_now_her_landlord_is/) 04 May 2018 Sorry for the grammatical mistakes, I can't type very well now. I'm in CA. Hello, as the title say, my mom commited suicide about a week ago or so. I've been busy with the funeral/will/life insurance thing and havent been able to open my email. I did this today and her landlord sent me an email, three days after she died saying that he'll keep the deposit(which I guess is fair) because of the cleaning/painting/fixing the bullet hole, but that he also wants to be reimbursed because the house value will go down after the suicide and that he and the other tenant(my moms roomate) want financial support for emotional damages He ended the email giving me two weeks to call and negotiate, if not then he'll take to court I'm gonna be honest, I don't know if I can get into a legal battle right now, I'm barely functioning but the idea of calling and negotiating how much my moms death devaluated the house made me throw up. What should I do? **Notable Comments:** [u/RalesBlasband](https://www.reddit.com/u/RalesBlasband/) *Hey man, some things I wanna say to you.* *First, as a son whose mother killed herself, I'm sorry. It's been almost ten years, and it still hurts. The pain doesn't get better so much as it gets less frequent. But ten years from now you'll be driving to work on a random Tuesday morning and you'll be blindsided by an overwhelming wave of emotion. All you can do is breathe and give it time.* *Second, as an attorney who also had to be the executor in such a situation, I can tell you to do the following: retain an estate lawyer, tell the landlord to keep the deposit, to go fuck himself, and to contact your lawyer from here on out. Also, tell the roommate to fuck off. There's a slim to none chance that the estate might be liable for diminution in value of the property, but let the landlord chase the estate.* *Third, the proceeds of any insurance policies ARE NOT the property of the estate, they are the property of the beneficiaries. Do not comingle the funds with the estate funds. Claim them and distribute to the beneficiaries immediately.* *Fourth, as others have said, you, personally, are not obligated to satisfy any claim on the estate.* *Finally, apologies for the language; but in this situation it's warranted.* ​ [u/JamesMcGillEsq](https://www.reddit.com/u/JamesMcGillEsq/) *Found this comment on Reddit awhile back when dealing with something. It helped me, I hope it helps you:* *Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents.* *I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.* *As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.* *In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.* *Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.* *Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.* ​ [**(Update) My mom commited suicide and now her landlord is threatening to sue me**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8h82c8/update_my_mom_commited_suicide_and_now_her/) 05 May 2018 Hello there, first I would like to thank you guys from the bottom of my heart for all the messages, comments and PM's you guys sent. It truly made this process less painful and I'll be forever grateful for each one of you. Especial shoutout to [u/RalesBlasband](https://www.reddit.com/u/RalesBlasband/) for his comment, I'm very sorry for your loss but what you said gave a at least a sense of peace. Thank you I'd also like to thank [u/JamesMcGillEsq](https://www.reddit.com/u/JamesMcGillEsq/), that comment gave some interesting perspective to what the future looks like. I'm afraid I might have come across as cold or rude, if so, it was not on purpose I was just very nervous. I'm sorry for not responding all of you or not responding sooner, I had to talk to my teachers/employers to figure it out my schedule. The comments telling me to get my moms things out of the house made me super anxious and I couldn't think of anything else. So I did something stupid and called the roommate(sorry guys), that's when it gets weird... the lady was super nice and so, she told me I could go and get my moms things that night(at least her books/letters/small things) and I decide to approach the matter of the emotional support thing. Now, I would be willing to help her(or completely) pay for the emotional support she may need, as she was the one who found my mom and, while they weren't super close, were becaming fast friends. I guess I felt more hurt that she decided to send a letter with my landlord. I said I would be willing to pay but that I thought it had to be separate from the landlord. She didn't know what the hell I was talking about. Yeah... I explained the email and she was furious. So apparently the landlord lied about that... I asked if she would be willing to talk to my lawyer and make it clear she wasn't asking to financial support and she agreed so I guess we'll see. I have an appointment with lawyer on monday and I'll bring this up to her. All and all, it's seems like this isn't over but at least it seems like it will go on well. I got my moms things out of the house and the lady was kind enough to keep some of the sentimental things I couldn't take locked in her room. Once again, thank you guys for all the advice, if it weren't for all of them I'd probably have just called the landlord and try to negotiate. One last thing, I'll leave the emergency number down there(if it's allowed, if not, mods, please tell me and I'll edit it out). If you're feeling suicidal, like you want to hurt yourself, depressed or emotionless, please reach out. I know it doesn't look like but there are people willing to help, my first post proves that! Anyone who is in crisis for any reason is encouraged to call. The number for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is: * 1-800-273-TALK (8255) * To chat online with a national suicide hotline counsellor, click here: [http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx](http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx) * See the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline website: [http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/](http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/) * For the hearing impaired, contact the Lifeline by TTY at: 1-800-799-4889 The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Other Free Suicide Hotlines There are other free suicide hotlines in the United States for specific populations as well. * The veterans suicide hotline (Veterans Crisis Line): 1-800-273-8255, press 1 or text to 838255 (available 24 hours a day, seven days a week) * Veterans Crisis Line online chat: [http://www.veteranscrisisline.net/ChatTermsOfService.aspx?account=Veterans%20Chat](http://www.veteranscrisisline.net/ChatTermsOfService.aspx?account=Veterans%20Chat) * Veterans Crisis Line website: [http://www.veteranscrisisline.net/](http://www.veteranscrisisline.net/) * Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Questioning (LGBTQ) Suicide Hotline (the Trevor Lifeline): 1-866-488-7386 (available 24 hours a day, seven days a week) * TrevorChat online chat: [http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now](http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now) (Available 7 days a week (3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. ET / 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. PT).) * TrevorText text messaging: Text the word "Trevor" to 1-202-304-1200 (Available on Fridays (4:00 p.m. - 8:00 p.m. ET / 1:00 p.m. - 5:00 p.m. PT) * The Trevor Project website: [http://www.thetrevorproject.org/](http://www.thetrevorproject.org/) * Teen suicide hotline (Thursday's Child National Youth Advocacy Hotline): 1-800-USA-KIDS (872-5437) (available 24 hours a day, seven days a week) * Thursday's Child website (lists many additional teen hotlines): [http://www.thursdayschild.org/frames\_dedication.htm](http://www.thursdayschild.org/frames_dedication.htm) * You Matter website: [http://www.youmatter.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/](http://www.youmatter.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/) * Christian suicide hotline (Christian Suicide Prevention): 1-888-667-5947 or email [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]) (available 9:00 p.m. – 1:00 a.m. CT) * Christian Suicide Prevention website: [http://www.christiansuicideprevention.com/](http://www.christiansuicideprevention.com/) For International Suicide Hotline Callers If you are calling from outside of the United States, these numbers won't be available to you. No matter where you are, though, help is available. * The International Association for Suicide Prevention: [http://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis\_Centres](http://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres) * Befrienders Worldwide: [http://www.befrienders.org/need-to-talk](http://www.befrienders.org/need-to-talk) **Reminder: I am not the original poster. Originally posted by** u/trwayyy1718 **in** r/legaladvice **in 2018.**

Celany

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zbpvgw/oops_mom_died_by_suicide_and_now_her_landlord_is/

zbpvgw

Am I the asshole for making my sister leave my house after her “joke” about my son’s mom leaving again?

NEW UPDATE

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zbqn7z/am_i_the_asshole_for_making_my_sister_leave_my/

zbqn7z

AITA for making my sister leave my house after her “joke” about my son’s mom leaving again?

NEW UPDATE

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/0utofhome in r/amitheasshole** trigger warnings: >!PPD, PTSD!< ---   [**AITA for making my sister leave my house after her “joke” about my son’s mom leaving again?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/owrim1/aita_for_making_my_sister_leave_my_house_after/) - 3 August 2021 My son Jack is going to be 2 soon. His mom Annie has a complicated history and how this all happened. Her husband passed away and 3 months after that, we slept together. We were barely friends at the time so I didn’t know until after our first night together that she’d recently become a widow. But she told me she was really lonely and just enjoyed that physical connection. So for about 8 months that’s how it was, didn’t see eachother too often. Then we found out she was pregnant. She wanted to go through with the pregnancy and I fully supported her if that was what she wanted. The thing was she still had a lot of grief and when my son was born it was hard for her to connect with him. She said she felt guilty having a baby with another man after losing her husband. By the time Jack was 4 months she hadn’t gotten any better and her mental health completely deteriorated. I took over with him full time after this since she wasn’t in the best place to be a mother. Annie still visited a few days out of the week for a short period but I was doing most the childcare while she went to therapy. Then she was in the hospital for a while. She couldn’t come over much during covid except for video chats so she’s essentially become a stranger to him. 3 months ago she started coming around more after not seeing him for a while. She’s on antidepressants and therapy’s helped her a lot. Now she’s more set on being a mom and we’re slowly reintroducing him to her. My sister hasn’t been happy about this. I know she’s upset on my behalf as I struggled a bit as a single parent. She knows the situation that happened with her but still thinks she shouldn’t be allowed back into Jack’s life after abandoning him. And yeah I get her feelings but since Annie’s in a better place mentally then I want to give a shot at Jack having a mom around. I still have my guard up obviously and we’re taken it one day at a time but I see how different she is with him now. My sister hasn’t stopped making comments no matter how many times I’ve told her to knock it off. She dropped by unannounced when Annie was here and was very openly hostile right in front of Jack. Annie offered to leave and then my sister jokes “make sure you come back this time.” I told her to leave and not come back until she can act right with the mother of my child. My sister is offended that I’m “taking her side” by kicking her out of my house since she’s only angry on my behalf and it was a joke she made. That’s why she thinks I’m an asshole. For me I was thinking I’d rather get her out asap before saying something else in front of my son. Was I being an asshole? Verdict: NTA   [**Update: AITA for making my sister leave my house after her “joke” about my son’s mom leaving again?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qg2hw2/update_aita_for_making_my_sister_leave_my_house/) - 26 October 2021 Appreciate all the words and advice on my last post. There has been some new changes regarding the situation that happened before with my sister and Annie so decided to leave a little update. Many of you were right about my sister’s negativity possibly affecting the relationship between Annie and Jack. It’s also reassuring to know that we were making the right call here. The last thing I wanted was to make Annie feel bad for things that were out of her control. At first when I talked to my sister we got nowhere. I even brought up what some of you said here, would she feel the same if Annie had been in the hospital getting treatment for cancer or some other physical disease/illness? My sister claimed that’s not the same thing and we had to have a deeper conversation on why it is exactly the same thing. Annie was not in the right place mentally to be a fit parent and decided to get help. There was no need for her hostility towards Annie now that she’s gotten the treatment she needs and we’re taking steps to bring her back into Jack’s life. My sister and I still didn’t see eye to eye so that’s when I made the decision that she wouldn’t be allowed around us for a while and stuck with the same condition I made in my original post. We didn’t talk for almost 2 months then I guess my sister finally realized I wasn’t gonna budge so she agreed she’d be more nicer to Annie and won’t talk badly about her in front of Jack. Thought this meant things would turn around but unfortunately it didn’t end that way. Even after giving her a second chance she still couldn’t hold back from sending a message to Annie letting her know she’s only doing this for me but she will never be okay with her, called her a terrible mother among others things. She was counting on Annie not to show me this since it would “cost her son his aunt” like it said in her message. Oh yeah I was pissed. Another talk with her later I decided she’s not having any contact with us at all. As much as it pains me I can’t have that kind of negativity around my son or his mother. Their relationship has been rebuilding nicely and this is a crucial time for all of us. We don’t need the extra drama. On a positive note, Jack has really warmed up to his mom and it’s a beautiful site to see. I’m happy Annie is getting somewhere with him and they seem to be getting closer every day. So not all bad news right? Thanks again Reddit for the help. You guys really helped ease my mind with this situation. Least don’t feel like an asshole anymore for making the right choice.   [**I’m in love with the mother of my child**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/rpvm9h/im_in_love_with_the_mother_of_my_child/) - 27 December 2021 We didn’t start our relationship in the best way. She was looking for something physical. To forget about losing her husband. And it worked out great. She got pregnant 8 months after we started seeing eachother and then we agreed to work together as co-parents. PPD hit her very hard a few months after our son was born, on top of all the grief she still hadn’t fully processed. And she had to be away for a while to get the help she needed. Especially when the lockdown happened And for the past 8 months she’s been the best mom to our 2 year old boy. He loves her so much and I’m happy with the progress they’ve made and to see her in such a better headspace. All the effort she put in to get healthy mentally so she can be a mom for our son. Took me a few months to realize I’m in love with her. I always wanted to be supportive through her struggles and be there as a friend /co parent. She told me before that she’s in love with me too. But for me it doesn’t feel like the right time yet. Or idk maybe I’m still scared to create a new change between us. She’s been a wonderful full time parent, the whole reason we wanted to wait on a relationship was so all our energy could be focused on her rebuilding a relationship with our son, which has been going great. A few times (like Christmas Eve) we’ve had a few moments where we almost kissed and we wanted to. Keep holding back to wait a little longer. It’s starting to feel like torture. I love her very much and I’m eager for the day I can fully express that.   [**Update: I’m in love with the mother of my child**](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/snpqsv/update_im_in_love_with_the_mother_of_my_child/) - 8 February 2022 The history I have with my son’s mother is a bit of a complicated one (have written posts on it so there’s more details). After her having to be away to get treated for PPD and ptsd, she’s been back in our toddler’s life for close to 10 months. He absolutely adores his mom. We were never an official couple at any point during this but there were growing feelings for a long time. Last time I posted here was met with some positive feedback and decided to stop being afraid of taking things to the next step. Annie , my son’s mom, admitted almost a year ago that she was in love with me. And for me it didn’t hit until months ago that I’m very much in love with her. With everything that happened we still wanted to take things slow for our son’s sake. I still decided to ask her out on a coffee date. And it was a very sweet time. Then in the car heading back to my place we kissed. What’s crazy is we’ve kissed plenty of time before when we were only casually sleeping with eachother but this one felt like our first genuine kiss. She told me how much she loved me a few times. Made my heart pound like crazy 😅 It’s been over a month since then and we’ve had several regular dates whenever we can leave our son with a sitter. It’s still scary and new for us so we just try to go at our own pace. She comes over every day to be with our son while I work until late evening so the 3 of us can have dinner together. The relationship she’s building with my son always warms my heart. She struggled so much to try to be his mom and to finally see them at a place where they are really bonding makes me very happy. And love her even more tbh.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zbsk2k/aita_for_making_my_sister_leave_my_house_after/

zbsk2k

I(30M) ended the relationship with my fiancée (29F) for secretly talking to my mother(60F) behind my back.

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zby1bt

Stressesd men

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zbyvmm

AITA for telling my mom if she wants to plan a wedding to get remarried?

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zc0v67

OOP doesn't want to have sex anymore nor lose/hurt her husband.

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zc166n

Am I the asshole for straightening my daughters hair without my wife’s permission?

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zc7ssa

I destroyed my work project, and I hope I get fired

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ZombieZookeeper

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zc88ri

Am I the asshole for straightening my daughters hair without my wife’s permission?

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zc96l9

Am I the asshole for straightening my daughters hair without my wife’s permission?

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Am I the asshole for straightening my daughters hair without my wife’s permission?

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zcb6cg

Am I the asshole for straightening my daughters hair without my wife’s permission?

REPOST

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/[deleted] in r/amitheasshole** trigger warning: >!racism!< ---   [**AITA for straightening my daughters hair without my wife’s permission?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/pgt58h/aita_for_straightening_my_daughters_hair_without/) - 3 September 2021 I (male 32) have a four year old daughter. Let’s call her Gracie. Gracie is half black, her mother (female 31) being African American. Her mother over all handled all of Gracie’s hair care and taught me how to do simple styles but even those “simple” styles were difficult. My wife ended up going on a vacation with her friends to celebrate her friends birthday and my mother came over to visit. I hadn’t done Gracie’s in a few days so it became nappy and unmanageable. When I tried to comb her hair the comb broke. My mother said that I should get my daughter a perm so her hair would be more manageable so I took her to a salon and got it permed. My wife got home and when she saw our daughter she was livid. She screamed at me and then at my mother for even suggesting that but I think she’s overreacting because it’s just hair. Then she brought up our wedding. My mother had tried to get my wife to straighten her hair for the wedding but my wife refused because she wanted her natural hair on her wedding day so she could be as natural as possible. My mother often comments on my wife’s and daughters hair and I agree with my mother. But now my wife’s telling me that perms chemically burn and damage hair to change the texture and that I “damaged” our daughters hair. Now she’s thinking of getting our daughters hair cut so her hair can “heal from the damages” but I still think she’s overreacting. Besides, I don’t want my daughters hair to be cut. She looks so cute now. Am I the asshole for straightening my daughters hair without my wife’s permission even though Gracie is my daughter too? Verdict: YTA **Edit:** I’ve read the comments and came to a realization about my marriage and my wife and now I just feel horrible. My wife’s mentioned in passing about her childhood and was always vague about it but after overhearing a conversation between her and my mother in law I just realized how much I truly messed up. My wife is dark skinned and tall and she got bullied for that along with her hair. She went to a predominately white school in bogalusa and that made her hate herself and her looks for a while. My god my wording was horrible too. My wife is beautiful and so is my daughter and their hair isn’t a problem. I’m the problem and so is my mother. After hearing my wife’s conversations about me and my mother I realized that my mothers a bully and I’m just a drone/follower. My mother constantly picked on my wife and I just stood by and blindly agreed because she’s my mom. But that woman who I married is my wife and I should have protected her from… my own ignorance and my mothers ignorance. I took something she took pride in and belittled it. I was too lazy to learn and took my mothers advice. Hell my mothers said so many cruel things that I didn’t think twice of until reading these comments. She’d always make sure my daughter didn’t play outside when she’d go over her house because she didn’t want her to be darker like her mother and that comment made me uncomfortable but I took it as a weird joke. I’m cutting my mother off and I’m going to apologize to my wife and daughter and start watching hair tutorials again. I’m also going to sign up for a hair braiding class when the pandemic has slowed down once more. God I’m a horrible husband and father. When my wife is willing to talk to (I won’t force her) I’ll apologize and if she wants to leave me over this it’ll hurt like hell but I’ll understand. I’ve just pushed her to the sidelines for so long and couldn’t even see it. I am the asshole. The biggest asshole here. **Edit 2:** I just got off the phone with my mother. My wife listened in on the phone call, I didn’t realize she was in the living room with me until she put her hand on my shoulder during the call. My mother is well, livid. She freaked out on me and threatened to call CPS When I told her I didn’t want her coming around my wife and daughter and refused to even try to understand what we did wrong. Then I mentioned the damage that the perm could cause to my daughter, (I read a small article by a black owned hair care company about childhood perm horror stories along with the history behind perms and I’m just… disgusted with myself and my mother) and my mother said my wife was being a drama queen. When I told her my daughter might need a hair cut behind this she flipped out and said “I won’t let my grand daughter look like a bull d*ke!” And I was mortified. She said she’s take my daughter from me and my wife and raise her the way god intended. That caused a screaming match. My wife put her hand on my shoulder in the midst of it and took the phone from home and told my mother if she comes to our home again the police will be called and then she hung up. I put our baby to bed and then we talked. My daughter and wife are beautiful and I don’t understand how for the life of me I thought those horrible things. Maybe it was like that snl sketch “diet racism.” Hearing those things from your parent and just blindly listening no matter how horrible it sounds. My wife is still mad at me (rightfully so) but she told me she isn’t leaving me over this. She said I have a lot to learn and that if I want this relationship to last I need to open my eyes and realize that the world I live in is different from the one she lives in and different from the world our daughter will live in. I’m horrified at myself and horrified at my mother. My father called a few moments ago but I ignored the call. I’ll talk to him in the morning about this. Thank you all for talking some sense into me and I thanked my wife for staying with me even though she doesn’t have to. Tomorrow we are asking our baby girl if she wants a hair cut. Knowing her she’ll want to get one like her uncle. He has these cool designs shaved into hide head. If she wants that she can have that. She’s my world and I refuse to ever be this ignorant and harmful to her again. **Final edit:** my wife and I arranged for our daughter to spend the night at my mother in laws house and couples therapy will be in the near future. The comments sections have certainly given me many perspectives of how horrible my words and actions are. I won’t be doing any more replies or edits because this is a throw away account. I think that’s the right term for this. My mother has called the house multiple times from my sisters phone. My sister is 25 and lives for drama so now the whole family on my mothers side is blowing up my phone with many mixed opinions… most of which are horrible. It’s funny, the only family member who’s opinion reflects this comment sections common consensus is the one who was disowned a few months ago. Well actually that’s not funny. It shows how messed up my family is. Thank you all for these replies no matter how “harsh” or “mean” they might seem, I needed this.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zccdfk/am_i_the_asshole_for_straightening_my_daughters/

zccdfk

OOP doesn't want to have sex anymore nor lose/hurt her husband.

NEW UPDATE

I'm not the OOP. OOP is u/strugglingwife1234. [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/x23pv0/i_never_want_to_have_sex_again_like_ever_but_i_do/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) (31 August 22) **I never want to have sex again, like ever, but I do not want to lose or hurt my husband. I've been struggling with this for over a year.** I (29F) am married to a man who we shall call John (30.) I saw other posts on here of others in a similar spot, and I have done a few things over the last year or so. I have been to doctors, therapists, asked around online about solutions but my sex drive is just flat dead. Nothing brings it back. Nobody has had answers, yet. I am in perfect shape (so is he, i havent lost love or physical attraction), no body dysmorphia, hormonal levels are fine, I am not on hormonal bc, I dont take any other medications. I tried stupid online bullshit and snakeoil but i think deep down I knew that stuff was never going to work. We have been together for 7 years, married 3. We are happy, we have a home and good careers, 3 wonderful dogs and our families get along. But I just cannot stomach the idea of *ever* having sex again. It makes my skin crawl thinking about it. I have either been making excuses to put it off or just grinning and bearing it when he was clearly just riled up and i didn't have the heart to look him in the eye and say "ew." I literally have a cry the next time I am alone. I was his first, he wasn't my first, I taught him how to be *my* lover. Everything was fine for over 5 years, John is considerate, takes his time, made sure we both had fun and felt satisfied. I feel so awful even considering talking to him about it. Before last year, we had done it nearly every day. Over the last year my sex drive has slowly died. I think that I just do not want to have sex...ever again. Is that so odd? Why is that so wrong? How do I approach this with John? I plan to sit him down on our next day off together, which is in 5 days. I have that long to decide what to do. I cant do to this to him or myself any longer than that. Is it right for me to unilaterally cut that part of our relationship out? I do not think so, but everyone says that "i shouldnt be forced to do it just to keep my marriage" (which sounds like crap based on the other posts here. I know sex is important.) I don't know what to do next. He has been completely in the dark on this because I'm scared of divorce, I don't want him to think I don't love him, or think hes unattractive. I'm scared to hurt my best friend, I don't want him to resent me or to feel trapped. Just, any advise, please. I feel like I am about to burn our entire lives down. [UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/x5tf61/update_i_never_want_to_have_sex_again_like_ever/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) (4 Sept 22) **UPDATE: I never want to have sex again, like ever, but I do not want to lose or hurt my husband. I've been struggling with this for over a year.** TLDR: did not go well, he left the house and hasn't come back yet. I know he is safe, via his sister. I decided to talk to him sooner rather than later and took a few days off from work to sort this out. I think he might have left me over “the lying to him for a year” part. I am mostly just venting, but if you have thoughts, by all means. I do not think there is anything I can do alone to fix this. John was not angry at first, but made it clear that he would not support being in a sexless marriage. He was also a bit annoyed that I asked if he would be ok sleeping with others. He is one of those super honest and holds to his values quite strongly, which is one of the many things I respect about him. There was a lot of emotions, he walked around the neighborhood a few times, would come back in and ask questions, then leave again. (He goes on walks to clear his head, this is not strange.) He was angry after I told him how long I had kept this to myself, and to be clear, he asked for a timeline. I told him about the doctors, snake oil, and the therapy. I knew he was going to be mad, but John was red and absolutely fucking silent. I've only seen genuinely mad once before and it quite literally paralyzed me to have him look at me that way. John has never, and will never hurt me, but he never made me *feel* small or vulnerable. His size always made me feel safe, but in that moment I felt different. He just walked away, got his laptop bag and said he was going to a friend's house. I have a feeling I know which one, but I did not have a chance to ask. I have not heard back from him since he left two days ago. I called and texted, but he didn't answer me directly. Instead, I got a call from his older sister, she asked me to just leave him be and let him work stuff out for the moment. (at least I know he's somewhere safe) She asked me what I did to upset him so much and I (foolishly) told her the truth. That went just swell. I completely needed my ass chewed, because that can only help right? (Sarcasm, in case thats not obvious.) At this point, I just want him to come home. He has been the perfect partner and I just want him to talk to me. He doesn't deserve this, I should've never kept anything to myself. We have a king sized fucking bed that I am sleeping in alone, the dogs are clearly confused, sleeping by the door, because I am the only one feeding and walking them instead of both of us. My plan, assuming he goes along with it, is suggesting couples therapy. Thats all I got. #[NEW UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/user/strugglingwife1234/comments/z5et0m/he_is_leaving_but_clearly_trying_to_burn_my_life/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (27 Nov 22) **He is leaving but clearly trying to burn my life down on the way out.** John has decided to leave. Divorce proceedings are already messy because John challenged our prenup in court and it was found to be "unconscionable" by the judge because I had violated it by telling him to basically cheat if he ever wants sex again. I had no idea he had even hired a lawyer, so I showed up alone and unprepared. Why isn't anyone in this whole thing seeing that I am miserable and don't want him to leave at all? I do not understand why having sex is such a big deal for him. We did so many other things together and just because I don't want to do one of them anymore it's all over. What ever happened to consent?? Now we have to fight over the house, dogs, and he is even going after business assets. We could have had an easy split, but he has decided to be petty instead. My only option to protect the business that I started during college is to use lawyers he could never afford. Our entire life has turned to shit, and I am struggling to find out why I am having to suffer for this. **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zcdowr/oop_doesnt_want_to_have_sex_anymore_nor_losehurt/

zcdowr

OP's managers screwed themselves over Thanksgiving

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**Note, lack of paragraphs is in the original posts** [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromYourServer/comments/z2xyry/my_managers_just_screwed_themselves_rant/) posted in r/talesfromyourserver by u/AdWorth811 on Nov 23, 2022 **my managers just screwed themselves - rant** For context, i work at a fast-casual bbq joint. We're open on thanksgiving day, for pick-ups only. People pre-order whole turkeys and hams from our place. Sometimes they'll get sides, gallon beverages, etc. Basically, they're only picking up their thanksgiving meals from us til the afternoon. For the many years I've worked here, I've always been scheduled to work thanksgiving (which we also get paid time and a half for), but this year, I was not put on the schedule. When asked about this, the assistant GM told me that the only people working thanksgiving will be the managers and shift leaders. I'm not only mad, but so excited to see how this goes down for them. These managers have to ask ME how to do certain tasks for the customers, they're going to drown. Not scheduling any of our FOH staff is a disaster waiting to happen. They're not going to know when/if an order needs to be paid for, meaning, they're going to lose a great amount of money tomorrow. Idk, I just needed to be angry for a second. They wanna keep labor down so bad that they're only putting salary employees on the line instead of hourly. I could go on and on about this place. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromYourServer/comments/z4v0n4/update_my_managers_just_screwed_themselves/) posted in r/talesfromyourserver by u/AdWorth811 on Nov 26, 2022 **[ UPDATE ] - my managers just screwed themselves** Hi, hello, two days ago I posted about how in order to keep OT time down, my GM decided only his salary managers/shift leaders would be working the Thanksgiving bbq train. To start, I want to clear up a few things: - I am aware I am not the glue holding this restaurant together. I clearly stated that it was a terrible idea to not schedule any FOH employees. - I will not disclose the restaurant, but it was nice seeing your guesses! Alright, now here's how Thanksgiving went. I woke up at 11am (one hour til close) to not one, but two missed calls from two different managers. That's four calls. Not only were there phone calls, but my GM sent me PHOTOS of our POS system asking how to add their rewards / find "recall orders" for our online orders that needed to be paid for. I will not share the photos because I do not wish to disclose my restaurant/location. One of the managers I tolerate actually sent me a snap of him telling me how the day was going after close, close to 2pm (two hours after close). The restaurant had gotten multiple calls from different people asking to place an order for a turkey, and when he replied telling them we've been sold out for weeks, the reply was almost always "thank you for ruining my thanksgiving". Who tries to get a turkey the day of???? So beyond me. I came to work this morning seeing four orders that we mysteriously not picked up (two of which had a whole brisket on their receipt!). There was no prep for me this morning and what prep was left was expired. I quickly found out from our kitchen manager, that we should've made $11k in sales with the three hours that we were open, but instead made $8.5k because...guess what...you'll never believe this.... they have away food that wasn't paid for!!!! In our online order system, all of our receipts look the same if it is paid for or not. The only way to tell is by the teeny tiny text in all the mess below the customers information. To pay for their food, we have to go into our POS system, open "recall orders" > "olo queue" > customers name. These MANAGERS could not figure it out. How? idk. I was told the only two managers who knew how to work our olo system were sent to the back to make teas and lemonade. yea.. also! we've had a rat we've been trying to catch for two weeks and he made an appearance in the dining room yesterday! Luckily it went back into hiding before any customers could see it, but three managers spotted him easily. What a wonderful, wonderful thanksgiving. I got asked by my GM this morning why I didn't answer my phone. Told him I simply didn't see the messages. :) **I am not the OP**

beerbellybegone

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zcege0/ops_managers_screwed_themselves_over_thanksgiving/

zcege0

Op resents his parents.

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AITA for telling my mom if she wants to plan a wedding to get remarried?

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AITA for telling my mom if she wants to plan a wedding to get remarried?

ONGOING

**I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/Guilty\_Balance\_556](https://www.reddit.com/user/Guilty_Balance_556/). She posted on [r/AITA](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITA/). I know sometimes people on mobile want something written here so they don't see the Mood Spoiler right away. Sooooo I'm taking a page out of fellow BORU poster [u/Celany](https://www.reddit.com/user/Celany/)'s book and inserting a fun fact. Did you know that dolphins use toxic pufferfish to get high? **Trigger Warning:** >!Homophobia!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!OOP knows she can count on her in-laws but not her mom!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yrw0xh/aita_for_telling_my_mom_if_she_wants_to_plan_a/)**: November 10, 2022** I (32f) recently started planning my wedding with my fiancée (31f) and my mom immediately jumped to help us plan. I thought at first it'd be ok but she will call vendors and venues she likes, will give them my information so they call me about a scheduled time and my mom swoops in to say "it'd be rude not to go since they invited you." It was obvious it was her after the third time when she wouldn't stop giggling and admitted to calling before hand and making appointments. I wouldn't take issue with this but my mom and I have wildly different tastes, every time me or my fiancée tell her something like how want to have this color for the table clothes or these flowers she'll tell us that they look bad and will give us her own plan. She recently showed us a massive binder of different ideas she wants us to look through. It's exhausting, at every step she will insist on looking at her ideas and when we reject them she'll throw a fit and tell me I don't love her because I ignore all her wishes. I also want to add I think she's had it in her head since I was a kid she'd plan my wedding. Even before I came out and dated men she'd comment on how excited she was for the wedding, and when me and when I told her my fiancée proposed she immediately started berating me about when we'd have the wedding so she could help us plan it. Part of it is that when she married my dad it was a small courthouse affair because she was pregnant with me at the time and never got a proper wedding. My dad also died 17 years ago and she's dates sporadically but never for longer than a few months. The last time me and my fiancée went to see a venue she tagged along and made all these comments on how gross everything was, pointing out all the tiny things wrong with it all. The person showing us was getting annoyed, my fiancée was getting annoyed and so was I. She eventually said "if this where my wedding I'd NEVER even consider this dump." despite it being absolutely beautiful and within the budget. I snapped and told her that if she wanted to plan a wedding so badly she should get remarried. It was cruel but I was so tired of her trying to have her perfect wedding through me. My fiancée thinks I'm not at fault but the rest of my family doesn't. AITA? Edit: adding answers to a couple common questions, is she paying for the wedding? no she's not paying a penny. Why don't you set boundaries with her? We have, she doesn't listen and will cry and guilt me and my fiancée until we go along with her or look at what she's picked out for us *OOP is voted NTA.* **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z6gfbo/update_aita_for_telling_my_mom_if_she_wants_to/)**: November 27** Hello everyone I took all of the advice to heart and me and my fiancée had a sit down and looked at the comments together and we agreed we both need to grow spines. Our wedding planner is truly a saint and had no problem setting up passwords with vendors like some people suggested and it was a great suggestion so thank you. We then invited my mom to dinner and told her that she has to stop trying to help us with the wedding. It started off bad as she brought her binder and had her own wedding dress in her car. Her dress is in very bad condition, would not fit either me or my fiancée and is quite frankly hideous. I would never say that to her face, though I've told her every time she's asked that I want to pick out my own dress and she should keep hers for if she wants to get remarried. She assumed that we had invited her to apologize and let her plan the wedding however she wanted. How she jumped to that conclusion I have no idea. We lied about not wanting her to get overly stressed in the hope she'd take it better then telling her that she's been causing problems and that she hasn't been helpful. She didn't take it well and started crying, and saying all she ever wanted was for me to have the perfect wedding and she'd already given up getting the perfect son in law and grandchildren so at the least we could let her plan the wedding. It stunned us both as she has never said a bad word about me liking women, not when I came out, not when I got my first girlfriend, not when me and my fiancée got engaged. That put me over the edge and I told her that she wasn't going to plan anything, she was a guest and nothing more and I would be cutting her speech if she was going to behave like a child. She had a full on tantrum so me and my fiancée paid and left her to cry and scream in the restaurant. That was all fine and dandy until our florist called to tell us my mom had called to try and get the flower arrangements changed behind our back. I called her and she tried to lie until she realized she was backed into a corner and admitted to doing it because she knew what was best and was trying to help. Needless to say that I've now uninvited her from the wedding with the full support of my fiancée and my soon to be MIL and FIL. **Relevant Comments:** *Someone points out that they obviously could adopt, so why is Mom upset:* "she's well aware but apparently it "wouldn't count" if we adopted or my fiancée carried the child because biologically it wouldn't be *her* grandchild. I can't carry a child because of health complications and me and my fiancée have agreed that if we ever do have kids it won't be for at least a few years. Which isn't good enough for her, she wants us to pop out grand-babies for her yesterday." "she's gotten it in her head if I was straight I wouldn't have health issues and that I should just try harder to have a child. All reasoning falls on deaf ears unfortunately" **I didn't want to mark this as a happy ending, because in truth it's sad that OOP has lost her mom for the time being, even if it's for the best. It's sad that the mom can't see past her own prejudices and egocentrism. I truly wish OOP and her fiancée the best.**

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zcf1of/aita_for_telling_my_mom_if_she_wants_to_plan_a/

zcf1of

Op resents his parents

ONGOING

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Inevitable-Access-17 **in** r/relationship_advice mood spoilers: >!upsetting!<   [My parents are getting my extended family involved since I am distancing myself from them.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/yzf9k7/my_parents_are_getting_my_extended_family/) \- 19 November 2022 I shared my story before on reddit a while ago under a different username. Out of frustration, I deleted my story and account. However new stuff has come up. My therapist thought it was a good idea to share my story since it's cathartic and it feels secure for me. My parents came out to me as polyamorous and as swingers when I was 16. They told me they started swinging when I was little, which doesn't surprise me given how frequently gone they were as I was growing up. I used to think they used to prefer doing other stuff aside from spending time as a family or with just me. They didn't outright neglect me as we did have dinner, family vacations and I could come from them for advice. However, it was painfully obvious majority of their happiness came from their marriage and adult lifestyle. When they came out to me. They started bringing the couple they had a relationship with more frequently. It's like they dropped all pretenses of being a normal family. The couple was every 3-4 days or my parents were gone there every other week. It felt like I was pushed aside for this couple. , unfortunately, had to go to community college to save up money so I could transfer for my engineering degree. My parents were nice enough to let me stay while I went to community college. In hindsight, it was a bad idea. I remember when I was 19, my mom had m, my former classmate,Josh, over and I found out the worst way possible. I started avoiding my parents and spent more time in the library. My grades were good enough for me to transfer out of state. My parents visited multiple times but I kept my distance. It's been two years now, and I get a call from my mother begging me to visit her on her birthday. I gave her the usual bs that I was too busy. My dad then revealed everybody left them and it hurts that I'm pushing them away. I went to the nonmonogamous forums. They said I was too harsh. My girlfriend's parents who I value a lot said I was being too harsh also. So I decided to go. My parents tried to be physically affectionate with me but I initially pushed them away till my mom started crying about it. My mom suggested I spend time with just her by going to the mall together. This was the first time in a while she has ever done that. She told me she was sorry about Josh. I told her how I felt throughout these years. She started bursting in tears and apologized profusely. People were looking at us so I calmed her down by saying it was okay. My father got defensive when I went fishing with him. So I left the next morning and told them to not call me until I was ready to talk to them. My mom said okay. Then my dad called me drunk at night saying I was the best thing that ever happened to him besides meeting my mom. I cried after that call. Now I got all my relatives begging me to talk to my parents and calling me an asshole. My aunt says she is disappointed in me for not forgiving them. My cousins are keeping their distance. I am still getting calls from my parents. They keep asking me to talk to them.   [UPDATE: My parents are getting my extended family involved since I am distancing myself from them.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/z28ps3/update_my_parents_are_getting_my_extended_family/) \- 22 November 2022 Well, a lot has happened. My mom called me to see if I wanted to do Thanksgiving with them. I told them I am going to spend it with my girlfriend's family. She then complained about me never going to their house for Thanksgiving for five years now. I again told her I needed my space from them. Then she asks "How long are we going to be like this." She started crying after that. My dad apparently took the phone from her. He apologized for my mom's behavior. He then pleaded with me to at least stay about an hour. I stood my ground and told them no. He responded by saying "Well, sorry for bothering you.", and then hung up. After two hours, I then get two lovely calls from both of my aunts from my mother's side. One was calling me an asshole and another begging me to come through. My mood is fucked up right now **Reminder - I am not the original poster.** Note: This was OP's detailed and original post. I saw some post over here that motivated me to share my similar situation. My parents used to frequently go out as a couple a lot more compared to other parents. I mean, we did a lot of stuff as a family, but they seemed to really enjoy each other's company more than anything or really preferred adult outings. When I was 16 years old, they opened up to me about their ethical nonmonogamious relatiobnship. They were swingers with a poly quad relationship with another couple who I thought they were just close friends of theirs. They thought I was mature enough to take the news and they didn't want me to find out from someone else. They also wanted to be more open about their poly quad relationship at home. That sort of gave them the green light to go all out with their enm lifestyle. The quad couple visited significantly more than usual. They were openly affectionate with this couple in the house. They sort of asked me to make myself scarce on the weekends more times I can count. I was 19 years old and I was commuting to community college. I remember coming back home a little bit earlier. I walked in and there was a half naked dude getting water from our refrigerator. I was shocked when I recognized him since he was only two years my senior and we went to high school together. He was in shock when he saw me too. My mom came out of her room asking him(lets' call him Josh) when he is coming back for "second rounds". My mom found me in the kitchen wearing her nightgown. Her face flushed red. She was in shock too, apparently. Josh spoke and said "My bad dude. I didn't know these were your parents. Casey(mom) I went to high school with your kid." I told them I'm going to stay at a hotel tonight. My mom quickly interjected and lied by saying Josh was leaving. The next day, she apologized for the awkward situation. She still kept seeing him though. Now, I'm not attracted to my own parents. The sheer thought would make me hurl. However, the fact that my parents such special attention to someone who was my peer, made me insanely jealous. I started avoiding being at home. I was at the library or at my friends' houses majority of the time. The good news was that my grades went up significantly. I was able to transfer to a really notable engineering school in the country to finish my last two years of my mechanical engineering degree. It was also far away from home. My parent pulled the usual "Oh we don't you to go. Can't you find some place close. Alright we'll miss you." bullshit. I got a nice internship for my last two years so I didn't need to visit my parents during the summer or spring break since I could afford an apartment with my friends. They definitely visited me but I made it clear I was too busy for them when they visited. It's been two years now, but I love my life. I have a sweet job that pays really well. I am in a stable, lovely relationship for three years. Her parents love me like crazy. However, my parents were the ones that sort of spoiled my picture perfect life. My mother started calling me every other day even though the conversations were long, painful and awkward. Thet kept asking when was I visiting. I had to make up a bullshit excuse of being always too busy due to my job. My mom begged me yesterday to visit her on her upcoming birthday. I told her I was too busy for her. She started bursting into tears. She randomly started begging me to not abandon them like everyone else did. My father then called and told me that Josh and the couple moved on from them. That took a toll in their life and they just wanted comfort. I told my dad, it makes me uncomfortable to pretend to be close to them when I'm really not. He then called me an asshole. \[UPDATE:\](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/vj3nb2/update\_i\_told\_my\_parents\_that\_their\_lifesty) My girlfriend and her family suggested I go visit my parents for my Mom's birthday next week. My girlfriend's mom told me her heart would be broken if she didn't gave a close relationship with either of her kids. I decided to share my posts on the polyfamilies and nonmonogamy subreddits. I got a few responses that were harsh. Some suggested I was running away from my problems and that I'm being cruel to my parents. It was hard to swallow. I've decided to book tickets to visit my parents. I asked them if I could talk to them about our relationship and they immediately said yes. I really don't want to go but there can be alot of benefit going I guess. I'll keep you folks updated.

QuestionPowerful7

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zcf1zc/op_resents_his_parents/

zcf1zc

AITA for not sharing my prize with a mentally handicapped person in a contest?

CONCLUDED

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/hostageLulla **in** r/AmItheAsshole   trigger warnings: >!ableism?!<   [**AITA for not sharing my prize with a mentally handicapped person in a contest?**](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bihmbc/aita_for_not_sharing_my_prize_with_a_mentally/) \- 28th April 2019 Every summer my community has a cookoff competition. Usually about 20-30 individuals or couples try to cook xyz and then they can win a portion of the entry ticket fees while the rest go into the community parks. It's not summer yet but they decided to do it early. This year it was pasta sauce. I've been going to these for years, ever since my wife and I moved here but this is the first time I entered as a competitor. It was earlier today. One of the other competitors, I know her somewhat (only in passing) is a 15 or 16 year old with Asperger's Syndrome and autism. I don't know much about this condition evidently. I'll call her Jessica. I guess a lot of people got wind of her being a part of the competition that we had news crews here taping her to put on the news. We've never had this before as far as I know. To make the story short, I won the competition. And $1,500. There's no second or third place prize, it's winner takes all. My wife and I were in shock because I like to think of myself as a decent home cook and take pride in my pasta sauce specifically, but to win a contest? We were tickled pink. We celebrated for about twenty minutes when the event organizers came to us. You might be able to guess where this is going, but they asked if we'd give our prize to Jessica as a "gesture of good will". They said they'd get some publicity since news reporters are here. We obviously said no, $1,500 is a lot of money. So they then asked if we'd like to split it, 50/50, with Jessica. Likewise we said no. I guess some nearby patrons overheard the conversation and chimed in. Apparently we're assholes and jerks for not sharing the prize at least. After a few moments, there might have been 10 other people all clamoring to us about how we're a disgrace to the community, etc. We had to leave and haven't collected our winnings yet. We're meant to tomorrow from the mayor's office. I can't even imagine what's going to happen tomorrow. Are we the assholes for not splitting our winnings with a disabled child for a cooking competition? ​ **Verdict - NTA (Not the A-hole)**  ​ [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bjai4e/update_aita_for_not_sharing_my_prize_with_a/) \- 30th April 2019 My wife went yesterday to collect our winnings and they shorted her $500. My wife is of the timid type and didn't want a conflict so she took the reduced winnings and had a few choice words but otherwise didn't contest it. They gave the rest to Jessica. They made up a fake story to her that they made a 2nd place prize on the spot and Jessica won it, thanks to the generosity of my wife and I. This was all bogus. We made a post on our community Facebook page saying we had a great time at the competition but didn't appreciate the comments we received or how we were treated. I guess Jessica's family got wind of this and contacted my wife to meet up earlier today. Jessica's family gave us the money back and while they were excited at first, couldn't take it under false pretenses. They found it condescending to give Jessica a prize just for having ASD. It was a joint decision between Jessica and her parents. We talked a bit and learned Jessica only joined because she's writing a cookbook for an Asperger's Syndrome organization. She's apparently an avid cook and has trouble keeping everything consistent every time, so it's half for her and half for this organization. Part of why she went to the competition is to raise awareness of the cookbook itself as well as ASD/ASS and hopefully win, of course. We didn't know any of this at all, and I guess this is why the organizers wanted good PR. My wife asked her if there was anything she could do and she can. She's going to help out where she can or if Jessica needs assistance. Things like editing, photography, etc. I guess everything turned out okay for everyone in the end, except my contempt for the competition organizers. PS: [Here's](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bihmbc/aita_for_not_sharing_my_prize_with_a_mentally/em15ywu/) the recipe I used, a lot of people asked for it in the previous thread. [Here](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bjai4e/update_aita_for_not_sharing_my_prize_with_a/em7gekx/) it is rewritten to be less ambiguous/more info. PPS: Yes, I know "mentally handicapped" isn't the right verbiage. I've learned a lot about ASD in the last few days. I only kept it to be congruent with the previous post. Autism and Asperger's in particular may not always or ever be a mental handicap, I should have said disabled instead judging by a few comments.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

raredontstare

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zcftaj/aita_for_not_sharing_my_prize_with_a_mentally/

zcftaj

AITA for refusing to attend my sisters wedding because of her fiancé?

CONCLUDED

[removed]

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zcgeh8/aita_for_refusing_to_attend_my_sisters_wedding/

zcgeh8

OOP's wife leaves him then begs him to take her back

INCONCLUSIVE

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwrahelpmi in r/relationship_advice** trigger warning: >!mention of suicide!< ---   [**My(28M) wife(27F) left me for 3 months and recently begged me to take her back, I said no and no everyone seems to be against me, I need some advice strangers**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/e025s8/my28m_wife27f_left_me_for_3_months_and_recently/) - 22 November 2019 Well let me give some background information as the situation will be hard to understand without it. 7 years ago I got married to the girl of my dreams Denise(Fake name), we had been dating for 2 years before that and it was like a dream come true, that changed after our marriage. After our marriage she constantly started feeling down and out of it and eventually I got her to go to a doctor who sent her to a therapist and from there we found out she had depression to do with things from her past that she was trying to forget. I decided to be as supportive as I could be, I took care of most of the house work, despite working 40 hours a week and told her to just get herself in order and if she needed to talk to me I would be there for her. That was 6 and a half years ago, before she left she was still depressed, she basically only lays in bed and complains, she does nothing, we had no intimacy, no sex, no cuddles, no going out, my entire day was filled with work and house work. Day in and day out I worked my ass off, came home to a mess of a house and started cleaning up, starting dinner and so forth at the end of the day I was exhausted and all I could expect was for Denise to unload more of her trouble on me and complain about herself, me and everything around her. I could not even hang out with my buddies to get away from it all as she would relentlessly call me saying she was scared and everything so I also had no social life, not that I had time for it anyway...But despite it all I pushed through hoping that sooner or later she would break out of it and we could have a proper life together as I loved her and as they say for better and worse and this was quite clearly worse, possibly the worst it would ever be. 4 months ago she got a new therapist and 3 months ago that therapist suggested she needed time away from me as her depression started when we married so I may be the cause of it, the moment she told me I was crushed, I started doubting myself, blaming myself, worrying, but beneath it all this creeping sense of having done everything for her, having sacrificed years of my life as a cashcow and a servant for her to lay in bed and this is my thanks? It is my fault now? But I rejected that feeling, trying to talk through it, but she decided to leave and stay with her mother, saying she needed time away from me and that I may be the cause of her depression and so forth, honestly the entire argument is a blur in my head. I spend the next month when she moved out calling her, her family, begging and humiliating myself just to get her back, apologizing for everything I may have done wrong, honestly I was close to ending it all as I was so hopeless at that point. But that month passed and as it passed I couldn't help but feel relieved, I came home and it was quiet, I could indulge in my hobbies which I had not done in years, the place was not a mess every time I came home, I could relax and two months in I even realized I could hang out with my buddies again, grabbing a beer, enjoying life and slowly I started to realize that I had been miserable this entire time. Slowly that turned in to more and more realizations before I realized I honestly did not love her anymore, I felt like my youth was wasting away, I could do much, much better than this, I felt like I was a caretaker of a handicapped old lady, hell I still looked good and as I went out I started once again gaining back my self confidence, women would flirt with me, I felt wanted even though I never did flirt back. After all these realizations I suddenly got a call from my wife, saying she made a huge mistake, she was sobbing her eyes out and how she was an idiot taking the therapists words as fact and how much she loved me. For a moment I wanted to say yes, yes please come back... But I couldn't, I just blurted it out and said to her she had left me and I was done with this relationship, I told her I would get divorce papers and I told her I had wasted enough time as it was and this final action of hers was the nail in the coffin, after that I just dropped the phone, started crying for a bit before turning in and feeling liberated. The issue now is, is that everyone in my family is telling me I am making a mistake, I should take her back, I owe it to her to try and make it work, marriage is not always fun etc. The thing is, I never had fun in this marriage, I can't remember the last time I had fun and wasn't miserable, we are both young and fit and we never even go out, hell the last time we had sex is over a year ago, all I am to her is a fucking servant as it seems and I rather live along then spend one more hour taking care of her. But on the other end, I doubt myself, am I really dumping someone that is depressed? I feel horrible about it, I feel like a failure...I just need advice. **EDIT:** Wow, I stepped away from my phone for a while and return to a ton of comments, thank you all so much, I will try to read them all. **EDIT 2:** While I have a hard time defending my wife right now, let me clarify something that is popping up in some comments. I know for a fact that she did not sleep around with anyone while we were separated.   [**Update: My(28M) wife(27F) left me for 3 months and recently begged me to take her back, I said no and no everyone seems to be against me, I need some advice strangers**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/e33cna/update_my28m_wife27f_left_me_for_3_months_and/) - 28 November 2019 Let me start by thanking all the people who responded, there was a lot of insight, a lot of advice and a lot of support and while there were certainly a fair share of people just looking for an argument, insulting me, making offensive comments or trying to rope me in to something called mgtow luckily the vast majority of replies were great and stuff I could work with. Especially those who are in similar situations and those who are in said situation but are the depressed party proved to give me some insight I sometimes did not even consider. Also I am sorry for not being able to respond to everyone, I really tried my best to respond but there were so many comments I honestly couldn't keep up anymore, but rest assured I tried to read just about every single comment so your advice likely did not go in vain and I appreciate it. I ended up having a really good think about my entire situation, trying to weight out whether I would be able to give her another chance to begin with, as despite my post would give away was actually something I struggled with, I was a bit of an emotional mess after all and honestly I sort of lack/lacked control over my emotions, as you might have noticed in some of my responses some times I seemed nostalgic, forgiving and nice other times I seemed vengeful, resentful and hateful, I will admit of the bat that this is all me and like I told some people in messages, I was and still am not in the best of places emotionally. But I have been working on getting my own emotions under control the past few days and I can say I am in a better place then I was a week ago, but it will certainly take some more time for me to recuperate from all of this. Now off to what people were likely looking to see, what ended up happening this week that made me decide to make an update post? Well, after all that thinking I decided regardless of what course I would be taking as some people suggested, it would be my decisions and my decision alone, not the decision of my parents, her parents, friends or people on the internet, mine alone. A decision I would be the one living with at the end of the day. So I decided I would inevitably end up regretting it all if I did not at the very least talk to my wife and get some closure. So that is exactly what I did, two days ago I decided to invite her to our home to talk about what us, our relationship, what I would be doing going forward, her depression and so forth, basically just to get it all on the table. Now, it would be impossible to narrate this entire conversation and honestly it was about some very personal stuff so I would not want to even if I could, so I will instead try to break it down and give a summary of sorts. We ended up discussing our entire relationship, I must admit it was very awkward and confronting as it was about a lot of stuff myself in particular had bottled up for so long it was very hard for me not to start yelling. I told her I was exhausted, I told her everything we had been trying obviously had not been working, I told her I felt like a doormat, I told her she was not the person I married, I told her these 3 months had been liberating for me, I told her I was tired of it all, I told her that I felt like she wasn't doing anything to help herself, I told her she was not doing anything around the house, I told her a marriage is supposed to be a partnership but I felt like I was basically married to myself and that I was the only partner in this relationship essentially I unloaded the stuff I had been feeling for years by now, I told her I had a hard time not regretting the day I married her at this point and while it obviously really, really hurt her to hear, she told me she knew, she knew I was unhappy, she knew she had been anything but a partner, she knew she was horrible about it all, but she felt like whatever she tried she always ended up fearing getting better, getting demotivated to do anything and that when she left she almost felt like she had burdened me enough, that it wasn't for her, but for me, but that she went about it the wrong way and ended up blaming the therapist as an easy way out, while it was true the therapist had guided her in some way towards this decision, the decision she made was for the right reasons but the explanation she provided was tailored to her, not to me, which was disregarding the therapists advice entirely. She said she felt guilty about it all and that, that guilt was just making her psychological state even worse, she said she hated seeing me going to work, coming home exhausted and having to clean everything up, until I just passed out essentially(Which I might add is a massive step for her as she never admitted this.) But she started admitting a lot of stuff and apologizing for a lot of things in our relationship, she said her time away made her realize how much I mean to her and how much she took for granted and that she should have done better a long time ago. To which I told her, I felt like I had been enabling her essentially, while I had tried to keep her to her medication and all of that, at the end of the day it was always me picking up after her which probably made it easier for her to slip back in to it all. Well after hours upon hours of talking we ended up hugging for what seemed like over an hour before going back to talking and she basically said she understood if I would not take her back, she understood if I did not trust her to get better, she understood that I was tired, but she asked me to give her one more chance and she would do anything for it. I have to admit, my mind immediately wanted me to go to the obvious option, which was not taking her back, not giving her a chance, but honestly in this discussion, she was the person I was once in love with, she seemed to take ownership of things, she seemed different somehow, but I also knew the risks coming with taking her back and honestly I was not about to pull another hail Mary. So I told her I would be willing to give it a shot, but it wouldn't be like before, not at all. I told her, she would have to prove she was going to put in the effort first, before we could even begin. Firstly I told her she had to get a part-time job, I don't care what sort of job, whether it is waiting tables, at a clothing store or at some company, it is irrelevant, as long as she made sure to go every single time she was supposed to go, look presentable when going and made sure she did her best at said job. Secondly she knows I like going to the gym, as such she would be going with me at least 3 times a week, get in shape again, get some exercise in but most of all be busy in a healthy way. Thirdly, she is going to help her parents around the house while she stays there, no more sitting in her room along with her thoughts, groceries, dishes, vacuuming whatever, she was going to make an effort doing it every single day. Fourthly as some people suggested, we were gonna go on a date once a week, no more escaping, not wanting to go outside, feeling self-conscious, no more excuses. Fifthly, We were going to do couples counseling, I know we tried before but we will try again. Sixth, She is going to go to a new therapist, not lie about anything anymore and do what the therapist tells her. Seventh, if the Therapist suggests medication, she is going to take them every time she is supposed to take them and I will keep them with me and she will take them in front of me, no more forgetting, no more not taking them, no more complaining and if there are issues with them we will try different ones but regardless, she is going to stick to it. I told her, once we are doing all that we can go to the next stage of repairing our relationship, but until she does them and keeps them up for a good few months there is not a single chance I will continue our relationship(And yes I know ultimatums are a taboo on relationship advice but I don't think I have much of a choice.) To my surprise, she actually agreed and to my even bigger surprise despite it only having been two days she was actually helping her mother and father around the house yesterday and has been looking for jobs, her dad also said she seems a lot more cheerful. Now I know there is a long road left and I know there is a good chance this won't work out and that I should not cheer too early, but honestly I am hoping I get my wife back and I felt I owe it to myself to at least allow her this one last chance, call me an idiot for giving her this chance but well, perhaps I am an idiot. That was my update, I am not sure whether I will make another, I had honestly not even planned on making this one, I want to thank the people who responded to my other post again for their insight and advice and I hope all of you live happily ever after or something haha.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zcghkw/oops_wife_leaves_him_then_begs_him_to_take_her/

zcghkw

I [37] caught my wife [43] cheating two years ago and haven't stopped her.

CONCLUDED

[removed]

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zcgzpa/i_37_caught_my_wife_43_cheating_two_years_ago_and/

zcgzpa

OOP girlfriend said no when he proposed because he didn't have a photographer at the time

CONCLUDED

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samalise09

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zcizmb/oop_girlfriend_said_no_when_he_proposed_because/

zcizmb

OOP's girlfriend says no to his proposal. He needs to rethink his whole relationship.

CONCLUDED

[removed]

samalise09

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zcj80q/oops_girlfriend_says_no_to_his_proposal_he_needs/

zcj80q

OOP's straight best friend kisses him then ghosts him

REPOST

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/askin4advice in r/relationship_advice** ---   [**…what do I do?….**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/pmosck/what_do_i_do/) - 12 September 2021 Hello….I know my best friend uses this for advice when she doesn’t know who to talk to and I have found myself in a very similar situation… Long post alert….. I am an openly gay male. I grew up in a very religious and very homophobic town, and did not have many friends. Except one….let’s call him Phil. Phil has been my best friend for damn near 20 years. Met in 4th grade and have always been the best of mates. He was the first person I came out to… He was the one who fought for me when I was bullied bc I never could fight for myself. He sat with me when I came out to my parents and let me stay with him when they didn’t react the best. He helped my parents and me come back together. Never once in the history of our friendship was I ever attracted to him, he was just always the brother I needed to draw myself out of the cave of depression I always walked myself into. After the past 3 living in California, he moved back to PA about 7 miles away from me. Immediately we began hanging out 4 nights a week. Whether in person or gaming with each other for hours at a time and have been doing so since he moved back 2 years ago. So….here’s the part that is literally destroying my brain. 3 nights ago, we went out for Thursday night trivia like we always do and we actually won. We won $250 and got SMASHED. Skip the drunken details, he can’t drive and we walk back to my place and I offer him the guest room. I wake up in the middle of the night, still buzzed as hell to him getting in the covers with me. We’ve cuddled before, but when one of us needed comfort or had a shitty week. He kissed me….and not like a friendly kiss two mates have….like grabbed my face and pulled me into him. I was smashed and I am gay at the end of the day and I followed his lead. Skip a few minutes to us completely naked under the covers passed out drunk. When I woke up, he was laying across my chest. He immediately woke up and kissed me again. Then sudden panic set in for both of us. He jumps up stuttering gets dressed and ran from my house. I never thought of him as anything other than my brother, but I haven’t stopped thinking about the what if; but most importantly, I want him in my life. And he has ghosted me…. He is not answering any of my simple “hey” or “hello” texts. His truck is never at his house when I drive home from work. He’s not answering my phone calls (only 5 in the past 3 days) when we would talk literally more than what I do with my mother. I know I didn’t force myself upon him, but I don’t want to expect a relationship to bud out of this because I don’t think I even want that. At least I don’t think I do. What do I do?…..I’m literally losing sleep over it. I can’t talk to my best friend about bc SHE USED TO DATE HIM. I know I love him, but is this something other type of love? I don’t think so but it’s ALL I can think about since he won’t message me. Please somebody help me.   [**My (m33) straight best friend (m32) of 20+ years has “feelings”**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/poram5/my_m33_straight_best_friend_m32_of_20_years_has/) - 15 September 2021 A follow up to my last post…. So after a week of ghosting me from the previous situation going on, he finally messaged me back Quick recap of events I am a gay male, my best friend since childhood and I have been hanging out almost daily since 4th grade. Last week we both got way too drunk and ended up fooling around before he ran away the following morning and didn’t respond. HE FINALLY DID. He apologized for ghosting me, but he said this to me and I am just BESIDE MYSELF. I don’t know what to say back I don’t know how to move forward. ************** Him- “I don’t know man. I don’t look at dudes that way, but you just bring out the most wholesome version of myself when I am with you.” Me- “well duh dude… we’ve been best friends forever…you do the same for me. It was one very drunken night and we all do stupid shit that we regret you know??” Him- “I’ve never done anything like that, and I wouldn’t call it stupid. I mean you know everything about me. Like everything.” Me- “I just miss you man….please just come over tonight so we can talk in person I hate this texting thing…” Him- “I don’t know if I can see you face to face right now.” Me- “let’s just forget that it happened and come play some video games after work with me…” Him- “I don’t know if I want to forget. Dude you know I love you. And now I’m all fucked up inside about it.” Me- “I love you too!! You know that! You’re literally my favorite person…” Him- “I don’t know man, have you ever thought about being with me?” ******************************* WHAT……?!?…… I told him that was a loaded question. He went off on a tangent of how he would hate himself if he didn’t give “us a chance.” Im not the kind of guy to try to “convert” a straight guy. I’m not one of those guys… I have NEVER thought of doing anything with him and one night literally has changed our whole dynamic and I am stressed high key about this. Yes I love him, but….do I LOVE him?… What if I say no and he resents me for it? What if I say yes and it goes horrifically wrong and I lose literally my favorite person on the face of existence? HALP   [**My (m33) straight best friend (m32) has feelings (I’m pretty sure)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ppd3p4/my_m33_straight_best_friend_m32_has_feelings_im/) - 16 September 2021 Again thank you for any words of advice…I usually go to my female best friend for this kind of thing but I can’t….and it’s left me lost on who to talk to But as for my best friend situation…we’ll…update…. We still haven’t talked about what happened face to face….not really anyway… He came by today though…but literally the only thing that happened now has me all twisted up inside He rang the bell (which he never does but besides the point) and I answered. Lo and behold I haven’t seen him in almost a week since all this happened so I didn’t know how to approach talking to him face to face or giving him a hug or whatever I don’t know… “Hey there stranger..” was all I could muster He just stares at me….he doesn’t say anything he just continues staring at me. “Want to come in?”…I step aside showing him I’m watching a movie… He shakes his head almost violently. Starts scratching the back of his neck and starts to say something. Then suddenly he lunges forward and kisses me….maybe two three seconds Not even long enough for me to realize what exactly was happening Then he pulls away and just stares at me. He starts crying and runs to his truck and drives off… I try calling him and I get declined…I need to talk to him but I don’t want to push him away further than what he’s pushing himself away…is he questioning our friendship? Is he questioning his sexuality? I’ve been thinking…but I just need to talk to him about everything before I or we can move forward… I need to talk to someone about this… Like I said can’t talk to my roommate about this…she used to date him and now she knows something is up because we literally used to hang out 4 times a week and the other three we’re still playing games online together This is my best friend. We’ve gone from playing ding dong ditch as preteens to shutting down bars together. We watch tv series together and go to football games and are each other’s support through everything and have been for so long. I don’t want to ruin this friendship. I know now that he at least wants to try or that’s what has been implied and as much as the little voice in the back of my head saying “go for it” all I can think is “HES NOT GAY. IT WAS ONE NIGHT.” And he’s just confused and I could try to explain but he WONT TALK TO ME. Do I just go over and demand he talk to me about this whole thing?? I want to try to, but also I don’t. I’ve always imagined him being my best man at my wedding one day and vice versa. How I couldn’t do that without him by my side. Is it him I’m imagining now? Is it me he’s imagining? I don’t KNOW someone talk me off a cliff because I’m really about to drive over there   [**UPDATE: my (m33) straight best friend (m32) spent the night convincing me to give “us” a chance**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/pqmeat/update_my_m33_straight_best_friend_m32_spent_the/) - 18 September 2021 Again any advice would be wonderful not sure where else to go Recap: we have been best friends since 4th grade. Lived with each other for two years in the past. One drunken night a week ago, we both got blackout drunk and ended up fooling around. He ghosted me for quite some time after, until culminating with him coming over to my place, not saying a word, kissing me, and running away. After advice from the last post I made, I drove over and basically demanded he stop avoiding direct conversation with me. I sat on his porch swing and just waited after telling him I was outside and I would fall asleep on it unless he came and sat with me. After two hours, he came out and he sat beside me. We sat in silence for about another half hour just swinging beside each other before I finally started crying. He began apologizing profusely saying how he’s screwing everything up between us. Then we talked. I won’t disclose everything we talked but it ended in the decision, that he wants to explore his sexuality, but he doesn’t want to explore with anyone else but me. I would be lying if I said I hadn’t been thinking of the possibility of something happening between us once or twice in the 20 years we’ve known each other. He’s a good looking guy. But he’s also sweet and genuine to a fault. I don’t want to ruin our friendship, and I told him that. If we were to try something I am PETRIFIED that we wouldn’t be friends anymore. He wasn’t concerned at all about it. We’ll be friends no matter what. But I am not friends with many of my exes, don’t know many who are. I told him if we did anything I’m not diving in fully. If we would feel awkward we’d stop. A long night of him of him saying this and that we came to an agreement. A night of us like normal, playing video games and watching a movie, but we’d start with cuddling or something small and maybe a PG/PG13 sleepover. It’s happening tonight. I’m anxious, nervous, nauseous, scared…yet excited. Anyone here ever start dating their best friend? Did it work out? Did it not? And if it didn’t are you still best friends? THAT is my one fear…if it doesn’t work out, will we still be best friends? I have a feeling he’ll realize that he isn’t questioning himself and just feels comfortable with me. Comfortability and sexuality are two different things. I don’t want him to realize this and think I was trying to “convert” him. I posted this in another group last night and got good advice but this is where I first posted my story so wanted to get your feedback as well.   [**UPDATE: me (m33) and my “straight” best friend (m32) are planning an official date**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/pry7bo/update_me_m33_and_my_straight_best_friend_m32_are/) - 20 September 2021 Just want to say thank you to all of you who gave me advice on previous post…my nerves were getting the better of me and I almost didn’t go through with it We decided to take things slow….it would be the first time he ever had interest in a guy and here’s how yesterday’s interaction went He came over….and it was a normal night between us in all honesty I thought there would be awkward tension or something but it was more than anything I expected He came over and we played our online games for a bit with playful shoves and comments There were moments that we caught each other staring at each other and we would just start laughing….honestly my favorite part of the night We put on a movie opened a bottle of wine but instead of opposite chairs he squeezed in beside me on my futon and did his best attempt at cuddling me We realized very quickly that he’s not a good little spoon 😅😂 It was really cute that he tried though He kissed the top of my head a few times and we kissed a few times but nothing serious We ended up falling asleep cuddling on my futon, woke up went to breakfast to the next morning and made plans for an actual date It didn’t feel awkward…it felt like us….natural and normal… Just showing our appreciation and love for each other a little bit more than what we normally do It was very very nice 😊 Now he made dinner reservations for us at a nice restaurant and we’re going to go see Dear Evan Hansen afterwards (even though he hates musicals) All caution and hesitation aside, I am very thankful to y’all for talking to me and giving me advice on the situation I’m hopeful about this, not saying I think he’s the one but I now know this is the start of a new side to our friendship that is going to be eye opening and beautiful Thanks again y’all   [**UPDATE: my (m33) “straight” best friend (m32) had our first date**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/pvcc7d/update_my_m33_straight_best_friend_m32_had_our/) - 25 September 2021 Again thank y’all for all your advice the week prior….don’t think I would have gone through with giving it a chance if it weren’t for your words of encouragement A lot of you asked for an update 😅😂 Not sure this will be a continuing thing but I might pop up here and there bc you all helped me so much here is how yesterday’s date went My cars in the garage currently so he picked me up from work. He drove me home and told me we were going to a nice restaurant. Asked if it was like suit and tie, he said whatever you are comfortable with. I ended up wearing a tannish button up polo, dress pants and whatnot. Came down the stairs to him in a suit jacket with a dark brown shirt (we matched 😊) holding a single rose. We ended up going to a steakhouse where you flip over a coaster to let them know if you want anything else to eat. We sat and laughed and talked for 3 hours, but it seemed like only minutes. I picked out a bottle of wine and we just truly enjoyed the evening. Sorry for skipping out on a lot of details. Then we walked across the street to the matinee for Dear Evan Hanson and this is where we bumped into one of his coworkers with his wife. I was fully prepared for him to say we were going as friends but he introduced me as his date without prompting from me or his friend at all and honestly….my heart fluttered in 10,000 ways. He was just comfortable and it made me even more at ease. The movie starts and I can’t help it I’m a cryer, I was crying the whole damn movie. If you haven’t at least listened to the soundtrack PLEASE DO. But at one point, I was cuddled up in a ball of emotion just staring at the screen. He leaned over kissed my shoulder and laid his head on my shoulder and with one hand gently rubbed my shin up and down for a little bit. (Made me cry more 😂😂) End of the night, he drove me home. Kissed me goodnight and texted me throughout the rest of the night until I fell asleep. Woke up to a few texts asking if I fell asleep on him, but woke up to a final text saying it was the best first date and can’t wait for our 10th. There you have it. I might come back for advice on certain things in the future, but for now I’m going to thank you for helping me get to this point. Appreciate y’all 🥰🥰🥰   [**My (m33) boyfriend (m32) is acting different since one of my friends called us a “queer relationship”**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/qmkya3/my_m33_boyfriend_m32_is_acting_different_since/) - 4 November 2021 Hello again everybody. Been a long time. Came back here for some advice after a few days ago this happened. My best friend since childhood turned boyfriend, who has never been with a man before our relationship, had a little…. I don’t know what to call it….. moment. We’re communicating well, and honestly have been having a blast these past few weeks. All was well, and it still is, but these past couple days have been a little rough since we had a dinner party with a few of my LGTBQ+ friends for a birthday. I don’t think they meant any harm but my friend asked something along the lines of “so how do you feel about being in a queer relationship?” He didn’t answer and basically separated himself from the party for the rest of the night. Not sure if it was the word itself, but he’s closed himself off these past couple days, doesn’t want to talk about the dinner party, and has been less comfortable with me since then. I’m so proud of him, and all that he’s done to prove how comfortable he is to be with me, but this has me stuck and I feel as if it is hurting our relationship. It’s only a word…but it’s affected him. He told his family and friends about us and absolutely everyone was supportive. Could not have gone better in my mind and he was blown away that besides the few “when did you turn gay?” questions he didn’t get alot of questioning. I feel like I’m only getting 50% of him these past few days and I want to try to talk to him about it but I continuously get shut down when I try to bring it up. I don’t want to push it, but I know we need to talk about it. How do I do this?….. Any advice y’all?….   [**To the people who sent me kind words and advice**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r68nyg/to_the_people_who_sent_me_kind_words_and_advice/) - 1 December 2021 Thank you We’re in a reeeally good spot right now ❤️ Hope the favor is returned and y’all get the advice you need when searching   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zckayh/oops_straight_best_friend_kisses_him_then_ghosts/

zckayh

OOP's girlfriend says no to his proposal. He rethinks his entire relationship.

CONCLUDED

[removed]

samalise09

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zckqtm/oops_girlfriend_says_no_to_his_proposal_he/

zckqtm

TRIGER WARNING! I plan to quit bc of my new female Manager, who stands unter a amount of stress

ONGOING

[removed]

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zcp533/triger_warning_i_plan_to_quit_bc_of_my_new_female/

zcp533

The cat inside the storage room

CONCLUDED

[removed]

HaplessReader1988

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zcr69b/the_cat_inside_the_storage_room/

zcr69b

The cat inside the storage room

CONCLUDED

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/pinkassheart in r/TalesFromTheFrontDesk** mood spoilers: >!Happy antidote to a rough week!< ---   [**The cat inside the storage room**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromTheFrontDesk/comments/z4zkxf/the_cat_inside_the_storage_room/) - November 25, 2022 (day after Thanksgiving) Working at an exterior hotel means we see a lot of animals hanging around. We get the occasional deer wandering around at night and very rarely do we see raccoons. We also have a couple of cats that hang around the property as well. Very recently ( 2 weeks ago ), one of the cats let me pet her and ever since then she's been following me and my coworker around. We started feeding the cat and she's usually perched up by the window so she's able to look at us throughout our shifts. We recently hired a new front desk clerk and today was her first shift alone. I came in almost an hour ago and asked if the cat was around and she proceeded to tell me that she saw one of the owners open the storage room by the lobby, saw the cat walk in, and then saw the owner close the door. The cat was left inside. I saw red immediately. I asked her why she didn't tell anyone so we could get the cat out and she didn't really have an answer. The cat is for sure there because she saw her through the window (the storage room is an empty apartment). I find my coworker eventually and I ask if he's able to pick the lock because none of us have keys and he says he's unable to pick that specific lock and now I'm even more upset. I'm also concerned that it might get hot in there for the cat. Idk how long she's been locked in there but she probably hasn't had food or water today and I'm anxious and idk what to do. I'm just mad that the new girl didn't tell any of the owners that there's a cat stuck in there. I might pick the lock honestly.   [**the cat inside the storage room (UPDATE)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromTheFrontDesk/comments/z5t5wu/the_cat_inside_the_storage_room_update/) - November 26, 2022 I mentioned in a comment from my last post that my manager possibly had a key to the storage room the cat, Owen, was locked in and she unfortunately didn't have one but told me she would call my bosses SIL, who did have a key, to come and let Owen out. Earlier today my coworker called me saying that they did indeed open the storage room but that my manager didn't think she had seen Owen run out because they were checking to see if she had made a mess overnight and didn't see her run out. So my coworker was looking for her all over the hotel and no sign. I told her Owen was probably still in the storage room then because if my manager didn't see her run out and my coworker couldn't find her then that was the only possibility. We hung up and then I went to go nap before work. As I was dozing off my coworker called me again to let me know Owen was still in the storage room!!! She heard her meowing so she was having our other coworker break in lol. She got out all safe and sound. When I came in for my shift and hour ago I fed her some food I brought and kept extra for the next couple of days. I was so concerned all night and all of today but she's back!! I'll include some pictures in this post as well. Thank you to everyone for reassuring me last night. https://imgur.com/gallery/eV5kBRY   **In the comments, OOP reports Owen is now wearing a collar with a bell, and a visit to the vet is in the works. That's primo Jorts Merch in that cat tax. **   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.** (Edited to remove "trigger/none" after a commenter pointed out it seems to make light of the need for trigger warnings.)

HaplessReader1988

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zcriyt/the_cat_inside_the_storage_room/

zcriyt

OOP works for a bad doctor who’s losing his memory. It’s making OOP hate their job.

INCONCLUSIVE

I AM NOT OP. This is a repost sub. [The original](https://www.reddit.com/r/hatemyjob/comments/te6kol/i_work_for_a_bad_doctor_and_its_making_me_hate_my/) was posted in r/hatemyjob on March 14, 2022 [The update](https://www.reddit.com/r/hatemyjob/comments/tr07pq/update_post_regarding_i_work_for_a_bad_doctor_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) was posted 15 days later — **I work for a bad doctor and it's making me hate my job.** This is just a rant, sorry for how lengthy it gets. So back in October of 2021, I joined the office of a dermatologist as their secretary. I handle scheduling, cleaning, some prep-work, faxing, calling, etc etc. Honestly my job isn't simple but it's not overly complex. It's not what I want to do for my entire life and I'm working here to save up money for my college tuition. What's tough about working here, is how incredibly crazy the doctor is and how everyone just seems to think it's normal. He's an older guy, visibly and while there's nothing wrong with an older person but, it's clear that his age is starting to affect his memory and thinking. There's small problems like lapses in memory, he'll put down a patient's chart and walk away and blame ME for losing it/blame me for not handing them the chart. There's also times where he straight up repeats what he says multiple times cause he doesn't understand what's going on. Then there's moments where he forgets the area of operation. I've seen him ask a patient five or six times about her problem area and he repeated the exact same thing after getting his answer. And I know some of his patients are loyal and have been seeing him for 20-30 years, but how can you feel safe knowing your dermatologist is losing his memory? When asked about his retirement, he tells people he just doesn't want to. And that's fine, some people really love their job. But I think for his mental state, he should. His wife comes in daily since she handles the finances and we talk about how he used to have so many more patients come in pre-pandemic and how this whole \~thing\~ ruined him and frankly, I think he's ruining himself. I think the whole setup plus his deteriorating mental state will just make him retire even if he doesn't want to. And I'm sick of how his wife encourages him to constantly working as if she doesn't see him forgetting things. It's getting sad and kind of dangerous. I don't want an innocent patient to come in and be hurt by an old man who can't remember where to operate. end of rant, thank you. TLDR: I work for a dermatologist who I think is losing his memory and I hate my job. —- **Update post regarding: I work for a bad doctor and it's making me hate my job** Last thursday, on the 24th, I was fired from the doctor's office in the middle of my shift. The week before, I had worked alone without the office manager who usually handles things like shipping out specimens and lab work. During my time alone, there was confusion between the doctor's wife, who doesn't know how to do things around the office, and the doctor, who doesn't know the protocol for these things. They told me to make sure the specimens gets picked up during office hours but the courier never came during office hours. The office manager knows the couriers never come during office hours but the doctor and his wife doesn't. The office manager would usually tape the specimens to the door so when the couriers came, they can pick it up and go with ease. I didn't do this because I was told from the doctor's wife that it's "unattractive" to the building manager. Regardless, when I spoke up about this at the meeting when they let me go, they had explained "(Doctor's wife) doesn't know what she's doing but you should." I'm explaining this because this is the reason I was let go from the doctor's office. While I am upset because of plans I had made that I now need to cancel, I am happy that I'm free of that place. I've registered for classes at my college and will be starting them in June. I've spoke to my therapist and family about this whole thing. My family recommended sending friends and family after the doctor's office to review bomb them for some racist comments they had made towards patients and me during my stay but, I don't think that'll make me happy in the long run. A lot of you had advised to me to report the doctor since he's putting a lot of people's health at risk and I will. I think regardless of what happened to me, people deserve a doctor that isn't going to hurt someone one day. Anyways, thanks for letting me rant. I appreciate it. ________ I am not OP! This is a repost!

BarriBlue

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zcrqgb/oop_works_for_a_bad_doctor_whos_losing_his_memory/

zcrqgb

OOP made a stupid joke to her husband and he stormed off. But there's more to it than it seems at first.

CONCLUDED

**I am not the OP. That is u/biscuitsandbutters. Originally posted on r/relationship_advice.** Trigger warning: >!infidelity!< Mood spoiler: >!infuriating and sad!<   [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/yzs28g/i_27f_made_a_stupid_joke_to_my_husband_30m_and_he/) *posted on November 20, 2022* **I (27f) made a stupid joke to my husband (30m) and he stormed off. How do I fix this?** Hey Reddit! I’m an Instagram snooper so this is my first time here! I honestly never expected to post here because my husband (30m) and I (27f) have a great relationship. Of course I can’t say we haven’t had our occasional bumps but it’s honestly a dream come true all the way through. Our wedding was April 2021 and we both cried like babies that day, and since then the sailing has been smoother than soap. This afternoon, me and him came home after a little lunch outing with our newly-engaged friends Kai and Marie. It went great but was like just another outing, nothing special, though we got some bomb pasta back home which I’m currently shoveling into my gob since it’s too chilly for ice cream. We live in a super tiny apartment and so he showered first while I got the leftovers into the fridge and stuff. I went in after him, finished my shower and put some lotion on my palm. I accidentally squeezed too much and dabbed some of it away. After I rubbed it on my face I still had some of the leftover on my finger and I did exactly what any perfectly sane person would do: on my thumb, I whipped up a little smiley face and some spiky hair to create Lotion Man. I came out of the bathroom, giggling about it, and said something along the lines of “Hey, look, it’s Lotion Man.” He didn’t really react, he just looked at my hand and blinked at me. I honestly was just goofing around and started making a silly voice and saying some random shit sprinkled with some inside jokes. I was blabbing for about a minute before he just… up and left. I was of course completely oblivious as he grabbed some of his shit and I just was smiling and asking where he was going in kind of a playful way. He has a huge truck and we’d just returned from a trip so he has enough stuff to last him weeks, so it didn’t really dawn on me that he was LEAVING leaving until he drove away. I honestly feel like Booboo the Fool for making such a stupid joke and then letting him leave just like that. I texted him a few times and he’s just said that he’s “thinking about things” and that he’s at his brother Tyler’s place. I’ve been texting him nonstop but he hasn’t been responding or even reading any of it. He also sleeps really early so I doubt I can get in contact with him any time soon. His brother isn’t responsive either so I’m just leaving my phone on the nightstand and holding my breath. I don’t think it’s really dawned on me yet. I stared blankly at the door for like ten minutes before I got off my ass and actually tried contacting him. I’ve been with this man for YEARS and I’m always cracking cheesy jokes. I feel stupid and like shit for making Lotion Man and continuing after no response instead of just shutting up and accepting that I’m unfunny. At the same time I’m just confused. He’s never been at this point even in our rougher patches, the worst we’ve done is just take breaks from sex or just talk to one another a little less. (Wasn’t planning on getting into my sex life but honestly I’m just rambling at this point.) I’m all for giving him space but I can’t say I’m not hurt he’s just leaving. And the process of divorce is just so… ughh I don’t even want to think about this anymore. Was making Lotion Man as big of a mistake as I think it was? Any advice on getting him back home?? Thanks Reddit. Also any cute subreddit suggestions would be appreciated since it’s my first time on Reddit and I want to distract myself.   [Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/z4kbgl/update_i_27f_made_a_stupid_joke_to_my_husband_30m/) *posted on November 25, 2022* **[UPDATE] I (27f) made a stupid joke to my husband (30m) and he stormed off. How do I fix this?** Hey Reddit, again. I posted here earlier about how my husband left after I told him a dumb joke. You can find it here. I followed the advice I got and kept my distance. You all had me really pondering about how much of my relationship was the butterflies and kittens I thought it was. I still firmly believe that everything was absolutely perfect before it happened, but oh well, I have my opinions. So you guys were right about some things and wrong about some things. For those of you saying that the lotion thing had nothing to do with it, you were… kinda wrong. But for the people who said something happened during the lunch outing, you were right on the money. My husband came back the other day. He apologized and said he was ready to talk to me. I obliged. I tried my best not to be all over him but quite frankly I missed this man so damn much, he’s my husband after all. He told me the following. I mentioned previously that we went out with our two newlywed friends Kai (30m) and Marie (29f). We did have some quality time with all four of us, but often one or more people were missing from the table, considering it was a fusion buffet and the food was amazing. Apparently, at some point, my husband and Marie grabbed some food together. Or maybe before we left, since I know I was talking to just Kai for a while before they appeared and we got to the car. Whatever it was, they were alone together. Marie, the fiancée, told my husband that when Kai proposed, she realized she was in love with him (my husband) though she accepted Kai’s proposal and tried to put her feelings to rest by organizing a lunch out. Though apparently she was “charmed” or some bullshit because she asked him to run away with her or something. I don’t know but she wanted him to leave me and be with her. Now, Marie is honestly gorgeous, which I hate to say because I’m so pissed off with her. She’s the typical blonde blue-eyed skinny pageant girl who looks kind of like Emma Watson. I’m not. My husband gently turned her down and wished her all the best. But he says he had her on her mind for a while (we were all college friends, so we know one another very well) and when I showed him Lotion Man, it all essentially exploded inside him. I had a hair towel and some shitty old clothes on and I was giggling over a stupid thing and apparently my “immaturity” ticked him off over however the hell Marie was. He got sudden cold feet about our relationship and left for his brother’s place. He eventually came back and said he “loved me all over again.” I was frozen in shock and asked some questions before asking him to sleep on the couch at least for that night. He did and it didn’t really help me sleep. I can’t believe it, honestly, that he was considering shitting away all of our relationship for a crush. The more I think about it the less I can look him in the eye. We went to Thanksgiving lunch together with some of his family + some close friends and we spent last night together so I think he thinks he’s in the clear. I can’t lie and say I’m not considering just forgiving and forgetting though. He comes home from work about six hours from now and I don’t know what to do next. I have off today (I’m a teacher) and so I’m considering either A) Contacting Kai and telling him about what his fiancée is up to (My husband begged me not to as Marie was apparently making a “spontaneous” mistake) B) Contacting Marie and chewing her out for trying to fuck up my relationship OR having a civil conversation (less tempting but it’s whatever) C) Contacting Tyler (his brother) and asking if he left the house at some point (Tyler’s house is very close to Marie’s place and I’m very worried about that) though I doubt I’ll get anything out of him D) All of the above. Any advice (or well wishes because I’m not in a great place right now) would be appreciated. If I do end up updating it’ll probably be on my profile since I understand this subreddit has a one update policy + I don’t want to update without a definite outlook on the future. I think I’ve mentioned before that legal stuff scares the shit out of me so divorce will be tough but it seems likely. I wish I could just forget it all. Thanks Reddit. TLDR: Husband abruptly left after I made a “Lotion Man” with my finger. Turns out a friend asked him out and he got cold feet about our relationship after seeing my “immaturity”. Not sure what to do next.   [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/user/biscuitsandbutters/comments/z68w36/final_update_i_27f_made_a_stupid_joke_to_my/) *posted on November 27, 2022* **[FINAL UPDATE] I (27f) made a stupid joke to my husband (30m) and he stormed off. How do I fix this?** Hey Reddit! First of all I’d like to thank you SO much for the overwhelming support and sweet messages. I honestly was not expecting this, a lot of you guys also took the time to message me and I had a lot of great conversations with fellow Redditors. I’m honestly so flattered by how freaking sweet so many of you guys are. I wish I could have replied to every single one of your comments, I up-voted every one of them though! I think my post got deleted. Some of you asked for pictures of Lotion Man yet I can't quite find the feature to upload photos on here, but I will as soon as I can! A lot of you had some really interesting theories LOL. And surprisingly, most of them were somewhat right. Majority ruled that I should do all three (confront Kai, Marie, husband AND Tyler, not necessarily in that order) and so I had to get smart with it since a lot of you guys told me that any one of them could twist the story had they known there was outside influence. Before I begin, yes, the full story is wacky and honestly doesn't make that much sense. I'm honestly just piecing it together via context clues and I do have some questions left unanswered. Plus nobody who is relaying this story is in a good headspace and to you, it might just seem like a ton of garbled nonsense. I'm just hoping it gets across since I know a lot of people wanted closure on this. When my husband came home we had a conversation. He essentially said the same story and he told me he was open to my marriage counselling suggestion. I gave him a big hug and did the laundry (usually we split the laundry + I had been giving him a light cold shoulder) so I indirectly “forgave” him, in his eyes at least. We haven’t really set boundaries with our phones, like we know each other’s passwords and everything, but he would definitely get suspicious if I was just scrolling around on it. So instead I agreed to meet up with Kai first; a lot of you guys were concerned that he would tell Marie and everything would implode, but Kai is a big gym nut and I’ve been wanting to go recently so I set it as casually as possible using it as an excuse. He agreed. The next morning, I met with Kai. I sat down with him and told him all I know. Yes, I cried like a baby. Originally Kai was rigid and tried to (kindly) poke holes in what I was saying with a few “gotcha” questions before he, too, broke down. Marie didn’t tell him a word. That was a big red flag on its own. I then went to Marie with Kai. A few Redditors told me to be as discreet as possible and so, as a suggestion said, I just blurted to her that "I know everything." She played dumb at first and then eventually broke. You all were right. Marie "trying to settle her crush" was a bullshit story. My husband was the one who approached her. She told me that he asked her if before she "sealed" it with Kai if she wanted to have a night with him and another woman. Here's the kicker -- Marie said yes. But wait, I hate to say it, but that's not all. Apparently Marie has been cheating on Kai for a while, with men and women. And my husband has also been cheating frequently -- they covered for each other, and occasionally met up. At the last moment, she declined because she wanted to be "loyal" to Kai now that they were engaged, (as if she wasn't cheating for the majority of the relationship) and he (husband) got all pissed off for a while before saying he's just "locked in his apartment now." Cue me showing him Lotion Man. He snaps and gets out of there. Kai and Marie are both arguing, in tears, and red at the face. I told them sorry that I butted into their relationship, and that I'll handle my husband myself. I found Tyler before the sun set. He told me yes, his brother stopped by, but only around ~11pm. He left at around 8. So those three hours went fuck all. Tyler told me that he was angry and didn't tell him anything. I then tell him some context (just the Lotion Man) and he says that maybe he was driving around for a while. It doesn't sound like my husband to drive as relief, but I'm willing to look into it, since the future was already looking pretty fucking bleak. I went home. I "Googled" something on my husband's phone. Instead, I was just checking if any of them had contacted him. Nothing, thankfully. I would've gone into more depth but that would have to wait. Instead, I tried to keep him busy for the duration of the day. Remember how I said he sleeps really early? Well, that worked in my favor. Took his phone that night while he was snoring his ass off. Ran into a million dead ends. I knew I was missing something, but I just couldn’t find it. Finally, I opened his hidden photos. Kaboom! His story explodes to pieces. What did I find? Nudes. Nudes. More nudes. Even more nudes. All of one girl. Not me, shocker. But not Marie either. I don't recognize her. Let's call her Allison, considering Allison was my second-grade best friend who was actually a snake (They're not the same person! Just so I can call her something when I refer to her in the story because I don't actually know her name.) She's absolutely gorgeous. Red hair, hourglass figure, you name it. I'm obviously broken. I traced her back to a contact. I feel sick. There it is, an affair. He's been contacting her since February, days before I surprised him with a Valentines thing that I had been using up my paychecks for and thinking I was the luckiest woman alive. It fucking sucks. I can't even read more. But I tough through it. Then, I hit it. November 3rd, two days after the last nude. She's pissed off. She found out he was married all along. She was "in love with him". I would feel bad for her, but she didn’t even bother trying to contact me out of “love.” Ergo, hubby has a genius idea. He told Allison that he’ll bring his “wife” over in a hotel to show that his wife doesn’t care about the affair. Sound familiar? So I assume when Marie canceled, there was nothing he could do. He became whiny and begged her to come. He told Allison that there was an “inconvenience” and they’d meet up another day. Then the Lotion Man. He got pissed off at me and left. I don’t know what he did after that, but whatever it was, he wasn’t with either of them. Then he went to Tyler’s place, slept it off, and came back afterward. I’ll spare you the details. But I couldn’t even pretend to like him anymore after I found that out. I brought Kai and Marie over the next morning. He started fucking blubbering and tried to deny it all before eventually admitting he was into redheads (Marie is actually strawberry blonde, Allison is very ginger) and it was the one “desire” of his I couldn’t fulfill. Even I could see past his bullshit saying that he loved only me and that being with Allison/Marie only made him love me more. I just said fuck it and packed my stuff. He got more desperate but even I, the girl who was honestly infatuated with him, knew it was over. He technically owns the apartment so I had to leave. Now, I'm staying with Kai. He's as hurt as I am. I feel for him too, his wife was his world. We were hugging and crying for a while, ranting about God knows what, just trying to get ourselves together TBH. He tried to lighten the mood by making lunch and it was really nice, he's a wonderful cook. I showed him the other two posts and he got a kick out of some of your comments, haha. As far as I know, my soon-to-be-ex husband is with Marie for now. I don't care about either of them, and honestly, it's kind of therapeutic just having some kind of closure and not walking on eggshells like I have been for the past few days. Kai and I are going to the gym tomorrow to do some relaxing yoga and hopefully figure out what to do next -- we've both taken off from work. I'm sorting out my finances and hopefully I should get the ball rolling to finally (legally) split from my husband and be able to call him my ex. I'm still so, so frazzled. I have at least half a dozen pictures of him and me on my desk and our wedding picture is my lockscreen on pretty much all of my devices. I know my students will notice his sudden disappearance from my life, and I'll have to tell them that the guy I've been raving about for the past forever is divorcing me. I'll have to tell all my family and friends. Kai is my rock in this whole thing and we'll eventually have to part ways, which hurts me because he's honestly my #1 support system in all of this. Living arrangements, actual divorce costs, law stuff (yuck), therapy... sigh. I still have a lot to go through. I can't believe I thought the relationship was perfect, it's really therapeutic to just write this all down. But Reddit, thank you so much. I've already talked about how much support I received, but honestly, some of your guys' honesty and compliments have, for lack of better emphasis, honestly saved my life. I would have been with cheating scum and Kai would have been, too. This place is so awesome and there's so much to be seen here, so many nice people checking in on me and wanting to keep up with my story. I'll be coming back for more advice someday, though just know I've seen all (yes, all!) of your sweet words, and I'll continue lurking around for a long time. But this should be my final update for now. Thank you again Reddit, from me (and Kai)! TLDR: Husband left me alone after I told him a stupid joke. He blames it on needing to “think about things” after our mutual friend Marie asks him out. Turns out he was the one who asked Marie out… for a threesome. He has an affair partner, Allison, who fell in love with him and found out he’s married, and he wanted Marie to pose as me to show that “his wife is cool with it” so he can keep Allison. Marie accepts but then declines at the last moment, pissing him off. He has a redhead fetish he never bothered telling me about and therefore cheats to fulfill it. I’m looking into divorce and staying with Marie’s (ex) fiancé, Kai. Yes, I don't understand it much either, and I don't know how this all went on under my nose. Shorter TLDR: Lotion Man and Reddit saved me from a piece of shit husband. :-)   **Reminder - I am not the OP**   *Edit: OOP tried to comment in this thread, but her comment has unfortunately been removed by BORU's spam filter. So I'll add it in here. In addition - lotion man!* >Whoa whoa whoa, holy shit! I wondered why my inbox was exploding with notifications!! Thank you all for the well wishes and hello Reddit again! I've been scrolling for a while now and wow I'm so grateful that so many people are resonating with everything I've said. There are a lot of things I have to clear up so here goes... >About now -- Not much has changed, it's only been a little over a week since my final update. My (ex) husband and I have briefly spoken about our impending divorce but other than that nothing much. Still healing, still working, still hurting. Call me in a years' time and I might have something better for you, hahaAbout Allison (other affair girl) -- No success in contacting her, though some of your suggestions have motivated me to work harder. >About Kai and me -- I know a lot of you are talking about this so I'd rather get it out now rather than skirt around it! Kai and I are healing together as friends, and I doubt we'd make an ideal match. Kai wants independent couple life and I'm hoping to have kids. He's expressed that he has a very very low libido (a big reason why he blames the whole situation on himself) while I have a high one. Besides we're basically brother and sister, but thank you for thinking about my options lol. Not quite ready to date yet and probably won't be for a while! >"Is this story fake?" -- YEP! You caught me! Haha, kidding, I wish it was. No curses to you if you think it is though, it's not like you can trust everything on the internet, and I doubt I can change your mind. But unfortunately, yes, I am living in this reality and no amount of rude messages are going to stop that. Also big big apology on one note; Kai and Marie were engaged, NOT married! I must've slipped up quite a few times when writing that anyway, I didn't really have the time or energy to proofread any one of those. >About my writing style -- For those of you complaining about my writing style, I've been teaching for years now and I'm just kind of automatically writing in this super peppy vibrant voice regardless of what I'm writing about. I've had to tell students grim truths about flunking the class and test score averages that make me look like I do nothing but sit around all day instead of teaching. So a lot of my statements kind of come off as tone-deaf like "Oh! He cheated on me, tee-hee!" even though I really am hurting. Hope that clears up some things. >About family, friends, students, etc. -- My family is of course on my side and pretty much all of my friends are with me, too, even our mutual ones (the majority of them). Yes, I have broken the news to my students, and let me tell you that they've been helpful, too! I've scrubbed my desk of all memory of him, next up is my mind! >About Lotion Man tax -- I tried to recreate him as best I could. I'll be posting him on my profile momentarily! I'll link it here when I post it. EDIT: [HERE](https://www.reddit.com/user/biscuitsandbutters/comments/zdqu1u/lotion_man/) it is! >Let me know if I missed anything! There are so many sweet comments here and I have yet to reach all my new message requests, I wish I could respond to you all but I'm finding myself super busy nowadays and I'll hopefully be able to spot some of you over the weekend. I'm loving all these jokes and stuff, thank you Reddit so much for lighting up some of my darkest days. :-)

Shelly_895

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zcstaz/oop_made_a_stupid_joke_to_her_husband_and_he/

zcstaz

AITA for uninviting my mother to my wedding after she invited FIL?

CONCLUDED

**I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/Independent\_Foot8485](https://www.reddit.com/user/Independent_Foot8485/). He posted in r/AITA. I fixed a few spelling errors for readability. **Trigger Warning:** >!Child abandonment!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!Mostly ok!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ynn0jd/aita_for_uninviting_my_mother_to_my_wedding_after/)**: November 6, 2022** My fiancée (29f) and me (34m) are getting married in two weeks after 13 years of friendship and four years of dating. She's fantastic and our relationship has been so good for the both of us. Planning the wedding has been uncomplicated and fun. We included my mother a lot, for example, my fiancee took her dress shopping. The reason is, that my fiancee has always had a good relationship with my parents, and it grew much closer over the past year, after her mother died. They kind of see her as another child and I know that fiancee appreciates that immensely. As for my fiancee's father, she went NC when she was 15, even before he hadn't played an important role in her life. His behavior was one cause in her having depression and low self-esteem, it took her years to heal. She's happy with the way things are now, I never met the man, so neither of us considered inviting him to the wedding. My mother however won't understand why we won't invite him. Mum is a retired psychologist. She's had some experience with children-parent reunification and she thinks my fiancée needs that, even more after fiancee's mom's death. Fiancee and me both have shut my mum down plenty of times. We both made it clear, that this man was not to know anything about my fiancée's life nor would be welcome anywhere near the wedding. For a while, my mum shut up. My mum doesn't know fiancee's father. The other night we had dinner with my family. My mum had an announcement. Apparently she looked my fiancees father up and went to see him. Then she invited him to our wedding. She seemed so pleased. My family was appalled and angry, they all know what has happened. My fiancee somehow remained calm and told mum how inappropriate that was, how mum hurt my fiancée terribly by stepping over the one boundary she ever had. How fiancee had lost all her trust in mum after this. I then uninvited my mom and we left. Fiancee only broke down at home. My mother's also been inconsolable since and called me dozens of times, but I haven't picked up yet. Fiancee feels unsafe to have the wedding if there was a chance that her father might show up. We might just cancel the whole thing. My father, who's not condoning any of my mother's actions, thinks I should talk to mum, hear her out. My siblings agree that uninviting her was too drastic. I just see the distress my mother had caused my fiancee and get angry all over again. So AITA/AWTA for sticking to our decision? Edit: this is a throwaway account obviously Edit 2: this really blew up, didn't it. Thank you all for your advice and perspective. It's truly heartbreaking how many of you have estranged relatives and can relate to this. I'm sorry! I met my dad earlier. He's really sorry for what my mom did and how he'd pushed me to listen to her at first. I told him that my fiancee was the person hurt in this, that it was really up to her. Dad did offer to cover additional costs we might have now. Both siblings called individually to apologize to fiancee as well. Idk what to make of it just now, it's a good start I think. Haven't talked to mum though. Also, my fiancée's bil had a good idea regarding the wedding, we might do it earlier. That way we'd at least keep the venue. We're still figuring details out, but it might actually work. Edit 3: thank you all so much for the comments and advice. There is a lot going on right now, we'll post an update when things settle. Fiancée sends her thanks! **Relavent Comments:** *Someone says they agree what the Mom did was awful, but reddit moves to NC too quickly:* "Thank you for your vote. My fiancee said that her family was already torn apart by her father's actions, there shouldn't be a second one. We both hope to find a good way forward. As a first step, I'm meeting my father later tonight, we will see how it goes." *One commenter asks what Mom was expecting in all of this:* "I suppose she expected gratitude and maybe that having a second parent would help fiancée grieve her mom better. She often thinks she knows what's best for her children. She however never trampled boundaries to this extent before. Until now it's been limited to advice and recommendations. So I don't know how to deal with all of it." *People are shocked that as a psychologist OOP's mom tried to pull a stunt like this near a big emotional event:* "She specialized in child psychology. My fiancée has said once that maybe my mother doesn't realize how much situations might change with age. Fiancée said, she'd been open to reconciliation when she was younger but that it's too late now. Still no excuse imo" *In response to that, someone compliments the fiancée and shares a bit about their own life:* "She is extra extra awesome. She's always this reflective, maybe due to all the therapy she did. I'm sorry that you can relate to her experience, nobody should be able to." *One more comment that sums it up:* "Fiancée believes that her father doesn't deserve to know about her life since he contributed nothing to her well-being. Him now knowing things about her is one of the biggest worries she has. She said she feel violated and exposed. I don't think I can understand her feelings, all I know is that she's in a lot of pain. As others suggested, I might bring up the possibility of hiring security. I am tempted to send the invoice to my mom though. Rescheduling and relocating were our first instincts. Which both sucks as the date and venue (the restaurant of my fiancée's bil) both carry meaning. I worry that the whole wedding, no matter how we proceed, with be tainted by my mother's actions. And yes, I'm worried about her father coming back too. He's a very sickly old man apparently, so I wonder if he might look for a chance to set things right before it's too late, and that he might see this as his opening. The more I think about it, the more angry I get" **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z6siw3/aita_for_uninviting_my_mother_to_my_wedding_after/)**: November 28, 2022** This is the update repost to my first post, since a bunch of people asked for one. First, thanks for all the helpful comments, insights, and awards. We were very overwhelmed and grateful. And thanks to the mods for helping with this update. I've never had a post get this much attention and didn't know how to do this. The biggest thing is, we are married. In the end, my wife’s sister and BIL saved the day. Originally, the wedding was on the 18th at BIL’s restaurant, that was the date and place where we went from friends to dating five years ago. On the day of the OP, wife went to see her sister, they suggested having the wedding a week earlier, on the 11th. It felt like the best option, BIL was willing to do the work, because wife is like a sister to him. His team and him got a generous tip from my dad. Wife, SIL, BIL and I told all the guests save my family of the date change. Wife didn’t want to tell people why. Amazingly, everyone made it work except for three people. My family was told the morning of the wedding, just to make sure wife’s father would not have time to come to the wedding, as he lives 15 hours away from us. My family didn’t complain because they knew that they messed up. It was all a bit stressful, but my wife felt like a spy on a mission and had fun with it. I was glad to see her get excited again. And there was no sign of her father at the wedding, so I guess mom finally listened. In the week before the wedding, we met my family to talk several times. These were long long talks. Why my mom did it? She just thought she knew better. No excuse other than arrogance. They all apologized. My wife said, one family torn apart by her father’s actions was enough. She insisted that they were invited. So that was that. However, we made it clear, that contact with her father would be punished much harder in the future, especially when it comes to children. It’s forgiven but not forgotten, I guess. As to what wife’s father found out from my mom, apparently not much. He knew a bunch already, from my wife’s eldest brother. Mom filled in gaps. That brother is the only of my wife’s siblings that was still in touch with their father. Brother and wife were on thin ice before that already for many but different reasons. Yes, we let that brother attend the wedding, mostly because we didn’t want more drama. But we’ll tackle that when wife feels ready to do so. We did have a honeymoon to get to first. All in all, I think we are fine. Wife is very hurt still, more so by her brother’s actions now. With my family, we’ll work on it. The imminent threat is dealt with, now we start fixing the damage. Through it all, my wife was amazingly calm and reflected. It made me much more grateful that I get to be with her. **Wishing OOP and his wife a wonderful marriage and future together!** **Edit: About how they met and ages:** We met in scouts, more specifically when a friend of hers started dating a guy from my group. We (a group of around 15 people) became friends and still hang out today.

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zcwg9j/aita_for_uninviting_my_mother_to_my_wedding_after/

zcwg9j

AITA for not allowing my cousins step child in the family photo?

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**I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/Barkleyslakjssrtqwe](https://www.reddit.com/user/Barkleyslakjssrtqwe/). They posted on r/AITA and put their update in the same post. I fixed a few spelling and grammatical errors for readability. **Mood Spoiler:** >!Teenagers gonna teenage!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z75lrp/aita_for_not_allowing_my_cousins_step_child_in/)**: November 28, 2022.** My (M 30s) family grew up taking a big family Thanksgiving picture that is used for Christmas cards. I kept the tradition going with my family. We host thanksgiving every year and its always around 20+ people. Most family we hang out with are from my wife's side since mine are pretty scattered around. The past pictures were fine but some tended to wear pajamas type outfits (mostly pj pants and a t-shirt) to Thanksgiving. No big deal to me but past picture was mixed with mostly nicely dressed people and then a random few in pajamas. This year I texted each family and asked them to have a nice but casual outfit for the picture but feel free to dress however they want the rest of the day. I even said jeans and a nice shirt is okay for the picture. So day of Thanksgiving. My wife's cousin Sarah's family arrived that included 3 step children. 2 dressed in pajamas but had a change of clothes. Sarah goes up to me and says please don't be mad. A second later, the oldest Sam (NB 14/15) came dress in a full goth outfit, chains, black makeup, and spiked dyed hair. Normally, they dress slightly goth...like they prefer black but nothing crazy. Never before have they even gone close to this 'hardcore'. They said something like, 'hope you like the outfit, I'm wearing this for the picture.' I forgot what I said but it was barely anything. Probably a grunt or uh huh. I say to Sarah, 'they can't wear that in the picture.' I don't say anything else, my wife gives me the look but then walks away. I get back to cooking for the 20+ people. Picture time comes and we take the group photo w/ Sam included. Then I tell Sam I would like a few pictures without them in it. They try to get argumentative and I said along the lines of, 'you knew I asked people to dress nicely just for a group photo. You purposely dressed like this to spite me and I have no idea why.' It was awkward but Sarah told Sam to step aside and we took the photo. Day goes on fine and I know people probably talked. Today I saw some facebook posts mentioning the situation and its annoying me. I stand by my decision and not sure if I'll respond privately or not. So AITA for kicking Sam out of the family photo because of the way they dressed? **First Edit:** I never had a problem with Sam before. We chat about stuff every family gathering and they typically always helped me with cooking. I would've been fine with their typical goth outfits but they clearly went overboard with their outfit, hair, and makeup. **Second Edit:** This is their usual attire- [https://images.app.goo.gl/VowCxUTr6yaxbV7U7](https://images.app.goo.gl/VowCxUTr6yaxbV7U7) This is what they wore at thanks giving (top right) -[https://images.app.goo.gl/Wa4KX5mxNEyR2spk8](https://images.app.goo.gl/Wa4KX5mxNEyR2spk8) ***Relevant comments:*** *Someone asks how OOP could possibly know Sam's usual style:* "Its not their typical style as far as I've experienced. In all the times I met them (20+ gatherings) and pictures they had never once dressed like that. Even the next morning they wore their usual attire." "Sam is very into social media and posts a lot of pictures. They don't dress like that. According to Sam's mom / wife's cousin they don't dress like that." *Someone says that OOP was the only one upset:* "Sorry should've clarified my wife was upset. She felt like Sam was wearing a 'costume' to purposefully ruin the photo. I felt the same way. Sams entire family has a goth style if that matters. It doesn't bother me but that outfit was way different than they have ever dressed." *Someone says that OOP is shallow and only cares about Instagram:* "My wife mails Christmas cards with letters to friends and family. We don't really use social media like that." *The top comment is YTA, so the post is marked asshole. The comments were heavily mixed.* **Final Update (Same post, later that day)** My wife emailed all the pictures from Thanksgiving. Only sent the family photo with Sam to everyone and not the one excluding them. Sam was doing the air guitar and a funny face. Someone pointed out Sam was also flipping off the camera with their 'strumming hand.' One person in the email group requested the other family photo b/c Sam flipped off the camera. My wife sent it to everyone in the email. Sam decided to call me instead of waiting for friendsgiving this weekend. They wanted to explain what happened. They thought it was funny I ask people to dress nice and wanted to play a prank on me and put it on . They took a part of their halloween outfit and modified it to be a full hardcore goth outfit with crazy hair and makeup. They wanted to get a reaction out of me for a TikTok video before changing into their normal clothes for pictures. Sam hoped my wife or I would be really upset and make scene. Neither of us did even during the photo shoot. It was just slightly awkward so Sam decided not to put up the video. I did find out they used the costume to scare some of the younger kids 1-4 yrs old and did put those on TikTok. Sams mom made them take those down. We didn't see them b/c we don't have TikTok. Sam arrived and I didn't say much b/c I was busy cooking and confused/annoyed. They decided to keep the outfit on until I said something. Sam did help me peeling potatoes and other stuff but I never mentioned the outfit. They thought it was a game of chicken at that point. It got until a little before dinner and I pulled everyone together to start pictures. Sam was surprised b/c we had done pictures after dinner the last 2 yrs. They came up to ask how their outfit was and I just said fine (I didn't really remember this part). So they kept the joke going...Sam said they assumed there would be another group photo later. Well we got to the group photo and Sam kept egging on the joke hoping to get some big reaction out of. After taking group photo with Sam included, I just told them to step out for a few picture. Sams mom also told them to step aside. They decided to not egg me on in front of everyone and jumped out of the picture. Pictures happened, we ate dinner and the Sam changed and dressed as they normally do the next 2 days. They later realized there wasn't going to be another group photo. They felt awkward and just didn't bring it up the rest of the weekend. They decided not to use the videos for TikTok. Sam apologized b/c they knew my wife was big into photo albums and put me in a weird spot. I accepted and told them I'm going to post everything on facebook later. Sam asked me not to b/c its really embarrassing. We are okay now and my wife doesn't care b/c we got the pictures with and without Sam. She will put both in the photo album. ***Relevant comments:*** *Someone still doesn't understand why it bothered OOP:* "Okay, I'll explain why it bothers me now that I know Sam was trying to pull a prank/joke. My wife wanted a family group photo that included all of her grandparents kids, grandkids, and great grandkids. It is likely the last time b/c the grandparents are dying and people flew in from out of the country. I've never seem her whole family together ever in 12 yrs. I wanted to be thoughtful for my wife and asked everyone to dress nicely for 15 minutes. One person decided they would dress outrageously to play a prank/be funny. I knew they were up to something because it was way way over the top of anything they had ever worn or did. So instead of ignore it I simply took photos with them included and also without. Knowing it was a prank that was done poorly by a teenager its fine. We have a picture that is funny with a kid dressed in a halloween costume playing air guitar as joke. But we also have one that can also be looked back equally as fondly. It a picture with the great-grandparents hold their great grandkids. The grandkids and their kids huddled around them. Many people prefer that picture." *Someone says ultimately clothes shouldn't matter because the family is all together in the picture:* "I'm okay with people dressing however they want. Sam typically dresses goth like 2 or 3 out of 10... they took it to a 9. It was clearly a joke or to be rebellious. If they always dressed like that I wouldn't have an issue." "The picture with Sam in goth/kiss costume makes them the focus right away. It is so far out of style for them. Everyone who knows Sam will focus on them. Wonder why they are dressed so far out of the normal for Sam. Why they decided to play air guitar. Anyone who doesn't know Sam will wonder why they are playing air guitar, making a funny face, and dressed in a goth/kiss costume with a bunch of other people. Most importantly, my wife will wonder why Sam decided to do this on the one day we simply asked them to wear something nice. The one day the whole family was together and could have a picture of everyone being their genuine selves." *Someone accuses OOP of not allowing people to express themselves:* "I've allowed people to wear whatever they want for the past 8 yrs we hosted thanksgiving. PJs, goth clothing, whatever people wanted. Never a word and I didn't care. I ask this year we wear casual clothing 15 minutes for pictures. Each person can dress in their usual attire, goth emo, punk. I didn't care. I even said to wear whatever you want outside of picture time. Sam came in a literal halloween costume with Kiss style face-paint in. All for a prank TikTok video." ​ **I'll be honest- I don't think OOP was an asshole in this situation. It's kind of baffling how many comments were accusing him of caring too much about photos and only wanting social media clout. Not everyone takes family photos to put on social media. There are still those of us who take them for memory's sake lol. That and apparently many commenters didn't read that OOP DID include Sam in photos.**

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zcxkbl/aita_for_not_allowing_my_cousins_step_child_in/

zcxkbl

OOP's parents are punishing his little brother, he finds out why and steps in to help his brother.

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**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/BenderUnitBen **in** r/AskGayMen **and** r/relationship_advice **,but OOP's account is no more so I'm using the post from** r/AskGayMen **where I found it** trigger warnings: >!homophobia!<, >!self-harm!<, >!suicide!< mood spoilers: >!happy ending!< [Screw my life guys, my little bro is gay not out to me but I found out and our parents aren't handling it well what do I do?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskGayMen/comments/njpyxe/screw_my_life_guys_my_little_bro_is_gay_not_out/) \- May 24 2021 I noticed a shift in my brothers personality at the start of this year and didn't think much of it. Then our parents asked me to start spending extra time with him, taking him on hikes and to play basket ball etc with me. No big deal we're not super close but do hang out occasionally, then they started asking me to comment on girls in front of him which seemed weird so I didn't do it. I noticed he didn't have his phone one day so I asked him if he forgot it and he told me he's being punished and not allowed to use it unless one of them watches him. I asked if he got caught looking at porn on it or something but he really just wanted me to drop it so I did. Later when I asked our parents about it they told me his best friend and him had gotten caught with pills which is why he's not allowed to see him anymore. I had already started feeling weird about how under lock and key my brother seemed and honestly didn't know if I should believe them or not. Like I had offered him weed before and he said no so it just didn't seem like something he'd do. So I head to the Starbucks his best friend works at to see what he said/see if I needed to kick his ass over it and he told me a very different story. He told me my brother was his boyfriend, that our parents caught them kissing and flipped out. Tossed him out and had made sure they couldn't see each other or even talk to each other, that he's been worried and trying anything or way he could to try to contact my brother but he hadn't heard anything back. He showed me some messages and pic's that confirm they are or were a couple. I thanked him for telling me and told him I'd do what I can to help him and my brother. So now here I am trying to figure out the best course of how to help my brother. I don't want to do any more damage to him than what they have done so I'm nervous on if I should say something when he hasn't come out to me. I also have thought about letting him use my phone to contact his boyfriend or even getting my brother then getting his bf or taking him to him but I don't want to get him in worse trouble or be cut off from him if our parents were to find out. Whats the best way to handle this? \--- **Update on same post** \--- Wow I never expected to get this much attention or advice, thank you seriously to everyone I read everything even if I didn't reply. First to those that asked and didn't see me already answer, he's 16 I'm 25 and I live fully on my own. To those that suggested I talk to my parents, trust me I wanted and really wish to tell them off but right now that is not the best option. I'm currently the only person they let him go out alone with, so if I go off on them or tell them I know they will most likely cut me out completely isolating him which is not a good idea given how depressed he's been. The other day I ran to Starbucks twice looking to catch his boyfriend, fortunately the second time he was there so I was able to have him write a note for my brother. I figured it be best to have something to lead into the conversation plus I wanted him to write his number down in case my brother doesn't know it off the top of his head to text him from my phone. I picked my brother up like normal and fought the urge to go off on my mom, I've never had the best relationship with my parents but I can honestly say I hate them now. The game plan was supposed to be going for a hike but I said lets get food instead cause I didn't want to hike, plus I figured he might get emotional and I honestly didn't want him near cliffs or hiking emotional exhausted. I told him I actually had saw his friend and he gave me a letter to give to him that it was in the glove box with my phone so he could text him if he wanted. I thought he was going to rip the door off the glove box when he opened it. He read the letter and started crying so bad that I pulled over, he didn't understand why I would help him. Apparently our fucking awful parents had him convinced that I would beat the shit out of him if I knew, again I hate them. He cried more than I have ever seen another guy cry, I thought he'd call or text his boyfriend right away but he spent at least an hour sobbing. I just kept reassuring him that nothing is wrong with him, that he's not broken or damaged or something that can or needs to be fixed. I felt like a broken record but I think it helped or at least I hope so. After he calmed down I was able to talk to him the rest of the drive and dinner heck most of the night. I told our parents he'd crash at my place cause it got late when we grabbed food and got talking to two girls which immediately led to no fight or questions. They haven't physically hurt him thank god cause if they had I'd probably be in jail right now, hell before it's all said and done I may very well end up in it cause I am really furious with how they have been treating him. When they found out they apparently trashed his room searching for anything "gay" anything rainbow or not masculine enough and destroyed anything found including a couple printed pics he had with his boyfriend. They deleted all the pictures off his phone and blocked his boyfriend on it which was pointless because apparently it's not just him using it in front of them but one of them literally sits next to him if he uses his phone or computer. The rest of the time they keep them locked up from him. They search his room once a week still in case he finds away to sneak something in, like prison style toss him room. The rest of the time they either don't talk to him or berate him/yell at him about how he needs to be cured/fixed. He cried a lot through our talking about all of this stuff including me asking the tough question that he didn't want to answer. I asked about how depressed he has been, self harm and suicide the works guys and fuck I'll admit it I cried to. He has been self harming and thought about suicide, including on our hikes making me realize I'm never taking that kid anywhere high up again. I made him promise me that he won't self harm and that if he thinks about doing it to lie however he has to and call me. If anything happens to him cause of my parents I will kill them. We talked about options and what can be done, I agreed to help him meet up with his boyfriend whenever possible and get him out of that house as often as possible. Which he did talk to him in between us talking which made him cry more but smile too. I promised him I'll do anything I can to get him out of that house permanently, emancipation fight for custody whatever. He hugged me more that day and night then I think I've ever hugged anyone hell embarrassing to admit but he even slept in my bed he didn't want to be alone. He was able to see his boyfriend the next day before I had to bring him back home which fucking killed me a little inside. I'm supposed to go over to help him with a project later today(Thursday) so we discussed that and I told him I have a few idea's that if I can pull one off I might be able to give him a spot to hide a phone cause I really want him to have one for an emergency. If I can make a spot I'll get a phone for him on my plan to keep stashed to contact me and his bf. I also called an attorney, soonest he can see me is Friday but hopefully he can help me work on getting him out of my parents house. In the mean time I already have another over night covered with camping, I was actually going camping with my best friend just now my brother and his boyfriend will be joining us. Thank you all again and wish me luck on getting him out of this as fast as possible. \--- **Another update on the same post** \--- I appear to still be getting answers so I'm gonna copy and paste the update I had post in relationship advice "It's been a hectic week but worth it! My brother is now living with me!! It's not a done deal by any means we have a court date in about a month but at the least till then he can live with me. I have an attorney whose been fantastic and fast with helping me get things done, he is trying to get the court date moved up. He said we have a few options to pursue and is very positive that no matter what out come is made he will be allowed to stay with me, whether that be emancipation or me becoming his legal guardian till 18 remains a question mark(most likely me becoming his guardian). No matter what though he has my support emotionally and financially. My brother is feeling great but I am still gonna make sure he starts seeing a therapist plus it will help with the legal stuff if he is. I'm relieved, beyond relieved, it was killing a part of me knowing he was in that situation. We were able to get a temporary no contact order against our parents so we don't have to deal with them till court and hopefully if everything plays out like it should ever again. I'd say some day if they came around to him supportive maybe but they weren't great parents before that. Honestly had it not been for him I'd have cut contact when I moved out at 18. Thank you all again for all the help and encouraging words, I read everything you folks had said." ​ **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

pristine_coconut

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zcxz02/oops_parents_are_punishing_his_little_brother_he/

zcxz02

Escaping a hostile work environment, by the book.

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**Original post:** [**Escaping a hostile work environment, by the book**](https://www.reddit.com/r/ProRevenge/comments/djqp1m/escaping_a_hostile_work_environment_by_the_book/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x)**.** Posted on October 18, 2019 My story starts off as mundane as anybody’s: Five years into working for an enormous corporation, my group was “reorg’ed”. This particular reorg was, like most efforts, a half-baked idea ginned up by a suit in a corner office, questionably planned, poorly executed and terribly communicated. Nonetheless, I was sent from my old group to a brand new (to me) group managed by Jim. Jim seemed an okay fellow, with a dry sense of humor and a British accent that lulled me into thinking he was a decent guy. Working for Jim was … okay. He was never available and when we did meet maybe once a month he’d bark off a list of things for me to do, then say he had a conflict and had to go to another call. I was floundering a little, but felt I had a handle on things. During my first annual review via phone, Jim offered up vanilla platitudes about how things were going well, while I heard him distractedly typing away at IM’s from people pinging him. He paused when he got to my salary and hedged, a bit. “Ahhh… so I got you a small increase, I couldn’t get you much. To be frank, I’m not going to question how anyone arrives at their salary level, but you make way more than the other people on my team.” It was awkward, but not the first time I’ve had such a pointed salary discussion with a male manager. It’s never been a talking point with any of the women who managed me, and I wondered if he would have made those comments to me if I were a man. I’ve managed teams over the years and noticed the women on my teams seemed to make less than their male counterparts, so I get I’m an anomaly. But, I’m a high performer in a 25-year uninterrupted career, as I never chose to have children. I’ve worked hard for my salary and I’m proud of it. I could get hired elsewhere at this salary in my market easily given my experience, qualifications and certifications. Shortly after our review, Jim moved on to work with my primary group of business partners, leaving me with no manager, just a 2-up manager I’d never met or spoken to. And that’s when the shit hit the fan. Unbeknownst to me at the time, my salary was brought up in a discussion with his new team, the fine ladies who were managers of the teams I worked with in my business partner group. As it's been relayed to me, Jim didn’t blurt out the specific details of course, but when one of the women complained about something I'd done, Jim said he was surprised there were issues because I was the highest paid person on his (now former) team. He poisoned the well quite nicely for me. Going back through my emails I could pinpoint the date and time the remark was said, because the tone of EVERY SINGLE ONE of those managers changed as if on a dime. If I asked a question, I was berated because, “You’re our most senior analyst! You should know that!” Documentation that had sufficed before was suddenly “all wrong”. There were two particularly hostile culprits: Pat, who managed reporting on the systems we were migrating and her underling PM, Wanda. Pat came at me quick, fangs bared, with a demand that I put together a plan to get us to the next-generation of reporting which wasn’t due to be released until 2021. The 2021 plan Wanda, her PM had put together, looked like notes on a greasy cocktail napkin, so Pat decided that since I was the SME, I should do Wanda's work for her instead. Pat wanted a plan from today, in 2019 through to the date of release in May 2021. According to her it had to include ALL the tasks needed for delivery right from the start, which is not how planning works. I can’t predict the future, so my plans usually start out detailed in the near term, with increasingly wider swaths of more generalized tasks to be elaborated in detail as we get further along. This is an industry standard approach, and was never a problem, right up until it was. Pat started hounding me relentlessly to get this full plan done for her in 5 days, which would have been an impossible task under the best of circumstances. Nonetheless, I put together a 2000-line long plan, working evenings and over the weekend, because my arms had been in pain for several months from typing at my home office and I had to take frequent breaks from the pain. Note: I had been made a remote employee against my will, and when I was reorg'ed I started asking for a desk back at work. Jim always dismissed my request, saying there was “no space”, so I spent over $1500 on an ergonomic chair and desk for my home to make typing easier, but my arms still hurt anytime I sat at the keyboard for more than a half hour. I had to back-burner my more immediate, pressing work for upcoming releases in the next couple of months, because Pat told me I had to prioritize her work over everything else. I had no manager to help redirect my priorities back to my other work and when I tried to say it would have to wait until I finished my more pressing work, Pat sighed and bitterly said in front of a half-dozen people including Wanda, “So you’re our most SENIOR SME and you’re telling me you can’t do the work?” Pat then decided to up the ante by insisting I run every element of the plan I was creating FOR Wanda BY Wanda, a junior level PM who not only didn’t understand the systems we were using - I had to tell her how to create her own status reports - but wrote at a third grade level. Even subject/verb agreement is out of Wanda’s grasp. But she had a chip on her shoulder and now she believed she could tell me what to do and how to do it. It was like a teacup poodle trying to guide a Rottweiler. Wanda was immediately and clearly out of her element, and obviously so. As a result, every single time she was caught fucking up, she threw me right under the bus. She’d preemptively throw me under the bus too. Wanda’s only talent was deflecting blame and painting herself as the victim. I didn’t know what to do, I was having anxiety attacks. My heart would start racing to 145bpm on the couch at night when I started thinking about work. I was overwhelmed and my arms were killing me and then the unthinkable happened… My mom suddenly died. When I told the team, they were not only completely unsympathetic. They were pissed. I had to take a week of bereavement and this, too, pissed them off as I was leaving the day before the deadline Pat had given me to finish Wanda’s plan for the 2021 project. Instead of packing for the funeral or connecting with my family, I spent the 3 days before my leave working late nights trying to finish the plan. We met at 5PM the day before I was to go on leave, where Pat and Wanda ripped into my plan, and said they would work with another team member to fix all of my “mistakes” in the week I was gone. Finally free of the evil twins, I went on leave. And while on leave, my arms stopped hurting. After 6 weeks of physical therapy for my arm problems, just not typing for awhile helped immensely. I had two days left before I had to go back to the hellhole, and I was dreading it. When the heart palpitations started up again, I knew I couldn’t go back. At first, I decided I would just quit the day I was supposed to return. I didn’t want to even give them two weeks notice, I hated them so much. They had been so cruel about me taking bereavement leave. I wanted to fuck them over, good and proper. No two weeks notice meant I’d leave them hanging for their near-term releases that I’d not been allowed to finish up my work for, as well as for the 2021 plan. And if I burned a bridge or my reputation, so what? I’m nearing the age where people usually retire or have a major career change. I don’t need to keep that bridge any longer. I have saved up enough, and dammit my health was more important to me than these toxic people OR my paycheck. The night I decided to quit I went to sleep relieved and not anxious, for the first time in six months. I felt the anxiety leaving me, knowing I wouldn’t have to work with those people ever again. It felt like a solid plan. Then the next morning I woke up with a plan even more brilliant. It checked ALL my boxes: • I wouldn’t have to go back to work • I wouldn’t have to give two weeks notice, so they’d still be fucked • I would still get paid • AND I would be able to take care of my arms that had been in pain for so long! AND while I’m at it, manage the anxiety that had spiraled out of control because of my hostile coworkers My new and improved plan was simple: Take medical leave. I needed protected medical leave in the form of FMLA, which for those not in the US, provides up to 12 weeks of leave where my specific job role and salary must be protected and available to me upon my return. And because it was medical leave, I was automatically enrolled in Short Term Disability, for which my company will pay 100% of my salary for 8 weeks and then 65% of my salary for the remaining weeks I’m out. The best part of this plan is it fucks over all the people I want to fuck over AND IT’S ALL 100% LEGIT! I had been having problems keeping up at work because of all the doctors visits I had for my arms, physical therapy, regular therapy for my anxiety that had gotten out of control, and a psychiatrist. My health issues were eating into my workday, causing me to have to work early mornings, nights and weekends more than ever, and no doubt pissing off these people who thought I was making too much money to be deserving of any time off for doctor’s appointments. My team got a new manager after 6 weeks, coincidentally just the day before I was to come back from bereavement. I was sneakily logged onto work every day to catch his name and I stealthily dialed into the conference call where he was introduced to the team. My 2-up manager that I’ve never spoken to even said at the outset: “I think we have everyone on the bridge. Thisjobisgonnakillme won’t be here, she’s on bereavement.” I called up the administrators of our FMLA and Short Term Disability plans to file my claim. I got the forms and figured out which of my half-dozen doctors had to fill what out. My orthopedist signed me off for 12 weeks of absence straight away because she noted I’d been in pain since May so it would likely take awhile to heal. After talking with her, my PT and my psychiatrist, I will likely do physical therapy for 6 weeks and then enroll in a program for anxiety and stress management for the remaining 6 weeks before returning. All covered by my insurance and all FREE because I met my out of pocket maximum halfway through the year due to a hospital stay for a different medical issue. The night before I was due back, I sat there grinning while looking at the next morning’s 8:00AM calendar invite from Wanda. In her illiterate fashion she had written, “It is IMPOTANT all crucial partners makes every effort to attend this call!!” Like most of Wanda's obnoxiously illiterate declarations, it was a dig at me because I’d said in my last call with her and Pat that I might not be able to log on until 9AM on the day I returned from leave. I opened a new window and typed out to my new manager, “Dear Phil, I hate that this is our first introduction to each other, but while I was attending my mother’s funeral an ongoing medical issue resurfaced and I need to take medical leave immediately.” I went on to inform him I’d been hospitalized a couple months back and there were other issues that were preventing me from returning to work, and he could get the details from my prior manager Jim. Not that Jim paid a damn bit of attention to the emails I sent him detailing my doctor’s visits, etc. even as he had moved on from being my manager, because I still had to let him know about all my absences until I got a new manager. As things got worse at work, I became more clear in my details about my pain with typing getting worse, hoping it might make Jim realize the situation was getting worse, but he never listened. So here I sit on a beautiful fall Friday morning, getting paid 100% of my salary to write this. Jim wasn’t happy about my salary when I was working for him. I wonder how happy he is about my salary knowing I’m not having to work for it right now. When I return, I won’t be on the two projects with upcoming releases. One will have already released. The other will release less than 4 weeks after I come back. So they’re fucked on that. I wonder if they’ve figured out the test documents for November haven’t been signed off yet. I was supposed to finalize them for signoff, but Pat forced me to prioritize Wanda’s 2021 project over the November work, so the test documents are still sitting locally on my work desktop, untouched. I will also be returning with a requirement for “accommodations”, which I am now entitled to as I’ve learned I qualify for them under the ADA. No more telling me I have to work from home or hunch over a table in the breakroom if I want to be in the office. I’m working with an occupational therapist to draft up what those accommodations will be, but a height-adjustable desk, two large monitors, and a “distraction-free workspace” are the top line requirements. Meanwhile, my treatment plans include exercise, trail walks, both regular therapy and physical therapy, and a weekly massage as well! I’ve added in long visits to the library to read all the books I’ve been wanting to catch up on, and nice lunches a couple times a week to the mix. Several times throughout the day I’ll look at my watch while walking the trails with my dog, or just relaxing, and I smile broadly thinking about Pat and Wanda and Wanda’s “IMPOTANT” project plan for 2021. Wonder what poor sod they’ve roped in to help her finish it now. I still may just quit right after I return, or they can just fire me, I’d be indifferent about that. But at least this way I’ll have milked 12 more weeks of pay out of these assholes, while benefiting from all the free medical and emotional assistance my insurance plan can buy. They say living well is the best revenge, and I can’t think of a company or a group of people who deserve my pro revenge more. tl;dr: Asshole boss moves to new role, poisons the well with my business partners by telling them I was the highest paid person on his prior team. They set out to make my life so miserable I almost quit. I decide instead to fuck them over "by the book", taking a much-needed extended medical leave, leaving them hanging for their upcoming releases, all the while still collecting that "highest paid" salary for a good, long while. Update : [**Update: Escaping a hostile work environment, by the book**](https://www.reddit.com/r/ProRevenge/comments/elu0q5/update_escaping_a_hostile_work_environment_by_the/https://www.reddit.com/r/ProRevenge/comments/elu0q5/update_escaping_a_hostile_work_environment_by_the/) Posted on Jan 8, 2020 I left one minor detail out of my first post: My mother was incredibly abusive and we hadn't spoken for 5 years. My "bereavement" leave was a week of chilling out trying to figure out what to do about work because I didn't even go to her funeral. No one at work knew this, my "official story" was I was grieving such a devastating loss, and that's what you'll read in the original post. I think that's enough to catch everyone up. Here's how everything's gone down since... First, the leave could not have come at a better time. The day I made my last post, [my sweet cat Ray](https://www.reddit.com/r/spreadytoes/comments/djpnsq/busted_while_ogling_his_spready_toes/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x) was "not himself". In fact, that's the last video I took of him. I took him to the emergency vet, where we found out he had lymphoma in his liver and pancreas. We had to let him go a couple of days later. There was no way I could have worked and grieved for him at the same time, and going on medical leave right after your cat dies is not nearly as socially acceptable as taking leave after your mom dies. Rest in peace, my sweet boy. I was spinning for a good couple of weeks after that. My arms still hurt a lot and I wasn't able to type for more than 20-30 minutes, and even that hurt. I continued physical therapy, and was frustrated at how slow the progress was. My therapist asked me to video myself typing at home. He took one look at it and saw the problem immediately: My desk and chair were fine, the horizontal and vertical parts of my workspace were fine. The problem was that my keyboard was too narrow so my arms were constantly at an angle which caused stress on all the joints. At his recommendation, I bought an [ergonomic split keyboard](https://www.google.com/search?q=split+ergonomic+keyboard&client=firefox-b-1-d&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjA0uuZnfTmAhWCU80KHXFsBPAQ_AUoAnoECA8QBA&biw=1920&bih=966) and immediately noticed a difference. By the end of the year I was pain-free, although I still can't type for as long as I used to. Because my out-of-pocket maximum had been reached with my health insurance, I took the opportunity to get everything checked out "under the hood". I'm 48 so I had a colonoscopy & endoscopy (fun!); the doc says my "colon is perfect" so if I ever need a Tinder bio, I know what to lead with. I went to the dermatologist, gynecologist, every 'ologist' in the book and except for my shitty arms, I'm pretty healthy. I also went into an IOP (intensive outpatient program) for therapy the last six weeks of the year where I spent 3 hours, 3 days a week in group therapy with other people. I made some amazing and fascinating new friends, including a paramedic and firefighter both coping with PTSD, an Afghanistan veteran and several others. I also learned about "complex trauma" from childhood abuse, and came to realize that my anxiety, depression and ADHD were not necessarily three separate diagnoses, but instead were symptoms of "complex PTSD" (CPTSD) likely related to my mother's continual abuse and a few other traumatic childhood events. Because of IOP, I'm now working with a "trauma therapist" and left my general therapist. After decades of regular therapy barely helping, I have someone to work with to help me truly put my past in the past so I can heal emotionally. My mother's death and this leave was the best thing that could have happened for my physical and emotional health. When I made my last post, I resented the hell out of Jim, Pat and Wanda for being so cruel to me at work. I still don't like them, but I've moved past resentment and I'm now grateful for the situation, because their hostility was the catalyst that got me the treatment I've needed for ~~years~~ decades. My husband and I also met with our financial adviser who, after running the numbers, made it clear that for both of us, work should be considered as more of a "want to" thing than a "need to" activity. (Turns out dual-income, no kids and saving throughout my 25 year career was a good decision!) So I decided I don't "want to" work for this company anymore. My leave ended and I returned to work two days ago. As soon as I returned I sat down with my new manager and told him about Jim, Pat and Wanda. Of course, no one had filled him in on their behavior. I gave him some hard copies of emails documenting their stunts. He was shocked by that, but was not surprised when I ended my 5 minute summary with, "So unfortunately I'm going to have to resign." I handed over my letter with my two-weeks notice. He asked me if I truly wanted to work those two weeks and I said, "Not particularly, no, but I do want to get some things off my work computer so I need to get it back online." He agreed it would be a waste for me to try to really pick up anything. I jumped through the hoops of getting my computer online to get those docs. I blocked Jim, Pat and Wanda, along with three other people who were toxic but not QUITE as nasty as those three, as soon as I pulled up MS Communicator. I'm not attending any meetings. I have just one meeting on my calendar next week - the one where my new manager will announce my departure to the team. Meanwhile, I'm getting paid full salary for these two weeks as well, AND I'll get all my 2020 vacation days paid out when I leave! So, the final tally of just how much Jim's asshole move cost my company and benefited me: * 1 week of bereavement leave at 100% of my salary * 8 weeks of FMLA paid at 100% " * 4 weeks of FMLA paid at 65% " * 1.5 weeks of extended "certified medical leave" paid at 65% " * 2 weeks of salary at 100% * 4 weeks of PTO payout at 100% " For a grand total of 20.5 weeks or 5 months of salary (at varying rates) for doing nothing but **taking care of my own damn self**. And I'm not including the thousands of dollars I didn't have to pay while getting checkups, medical procedures, physical therapy and group therapy as it was all covered by my company's medical insurance. I'm also not including what they all had to go through to put a new person on these releases, and all the stress I DIDN'T have because I didn't end up delivering on these projects. The weekend in November when my project was set to go live, I was in another town for an old friend's memorial, seeing people I hadn't seen in 20 years. I wouldn't have been able to attend if I hadn't gone on leave. I'm not going to reveal my salary, but I will say that the last several months have cost the company tens of thousands of dollars, for my salary alone. The other benefits I've reaped, on top of the salary, have been immeasurable. They say living well is the best revenge and it's true. Jim, Pat and Wanda are still their ugly-ass selves, chained to their desks, bitter and making sure everyone around them knows it. As for me, I'm free of the chains of a 9-5 job. I don't think I'm going to look for another job for quite some time and when I do it's going to have to be something I want to do, not something I need to do. Now I just need to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. **TL;DR:** Prior manager and business partners were assholes to me because they were jealous of my salary. I had a minor breakdown and took medical leave, grieved for the loss of my pet, the loss of an old friend, got healthier and got the therapy I really need to heal emotionally from some major shit in my life - all while still collecting that salary they were so jealous of.And now I'm leaving them behind to go fuck themselves while I figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life # Reminder - I'm not OOP and do not comment on the original posts.

mermaidpaint

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zczgqc/escaping_a_hostile_work_environment_by_the_book/

zczgqc

Was there an update to the post where a lady travelled to surprise her husband, only to find out they were sharing a room, and in fact, sharing a bed?

NEW UPDATE

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zd03j9/was_there_an_update_to_the_post_where_a_lady/

zd03j9

Cheat on me with my best friend? I'll wreck your career and publicly humiliate both of you

CONCLUDED

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zd0iqt/cheat_on_me_with_my_best_friend_ill_wreck_your/

zd0iqt

OOP finds out that his stepmom was dad's Affair Partner and her daughters are his half-siblings.

NEW UPDATE

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zd3wpu/oop_finds_out_that_his_stepmom_was_dads_affair/

zd3wpu

OP Thinks Their Neighbor Was Murdered (True May 25, '22)

CONCLUDED

Originally posted by u/UnnamedPictureShow in r/TrueOffMyChest on May 25, '22 [Original post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/uxca4a/i_think_my_neighbor_may_have_been_murdered_but_i/) I think my neighbor may have been murdered but I don’t know where she lives So, one of my neighbors further down the street walks her dog at least twice a day. He’s a big pit/lab, super friendly, she has to hold her dog down so he doesn’t tackle me trying to lick my face. I wave at them every time I see them. I’ve been staying at a friend’s house since Friday, just hanging out, and apparently, for the past few days, my mom said the dog has come by the porch looking for me without his owner. I’m immediately on alert because of how much she walks this dog, I don’t know how she wouldn’t know where he is. I came home today and walked the neighborhood, and I found him, but he seems completely different. He’s limping on one leg, won’t even come near me even though I have treats, and is so scared. I’ve never seen him like this. I can’t get close enough to check his tags and try to find a number or address, and I don’t even remember his name or his owner’s. I asked a few neighbors that were outside, and no one else knows where she lives, either, because the only time people see her is when she’s walking by their house. The way everything is playing out, with no sign of her and a complete 180 in her dog’s behavior, my brain is jumping to the worst conclusion that someone broke into her house and murdered her. Tomorrow I’m walking the neighborhood again, trying to get close with the dog, and I’ll probably go door knocking in the area of the street I know she lives on to see if I can pinpoint a house to do a welfare check. The police said they can’t do anything without an address. DAY 1 UPDATE: The police have said they can’t do anything without an address, and they don’t trust the local animal services to do anything more besides give the number associated with a tag or chip a call. I’m not even sure if animal control would be allowed to disclose that information, and additionally our local pound in infamous for having a high kill rate and spreading parvo. They do have an option where they can scan a chip to see if he has an owner and then I can keep him for two weeks while his info stays on their found listings, and after two weeks if no one claims him, technically I can call him mine. If the owner is okay, obviously I wouldn’t keep him, but that’s the only option I can think to do. If I can manage to catch him and keep him at my house I may have an easier time of figuring out where he lives. Also thank you to everyone who is recommending to tell him to go home, that is ingenious, and I will tell him that next time I see him. DAY 2 UPDATE: Walked through the neighborhood with a leash and a bowl of tuna to see if I could lure him out with the smell. No luck. Some neighbor kids and adults have reported seeing him through the neighborhood, at the local park, and at the local elementary school. Will try again tomorrow. DAY 3 UPDATE: Nothing. No sign of the dog. I don’t know where it’s gone. No sign of the neighbor, either. Doing a patrol down the street, though, there is a nicer house with mail piling up in the mailbox, but no car in the driveway. Neighbor kids haven’t seen him in a few days, either. I’ll call the pound and see if they have anything. DAY 3 UPDATE PART 2: To those of you upset that I haven’t posted an update, I can’t help it if the dog doesn’t show up. It’s scared and hurt, hopefully nothing worse happened to it. The pound is closed today so I will try to stop by or call tomorrow. But if I don’t have any updates it’s not for a lack of trying. Also hello to those who came from TikTok. FINAL UPDATE: For the best possible ending. I talked with one of my neighbors who keeps in touch with EVERYONE, she asked around, we got her name, and it turns out she moved in with her mom. The lab who has been running around, despite looking almost exactly the same, is a different dog. I haven’t seen it since, but other neighbors have. I’m glad nothing worse happened. Like I said in the original post, I catastrophize, so I’m ashamed to say I didn’t think of this option first. This neighborhood is very old and hardly anyone moves to or from here, so I didn’t expect it. I’m so glad she’s okay, though, and so’s her dog.

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zd9rco/op_thinks_their_neighbor_was_murdered_true_may_25/

zd9rco

OOP finds out that his stepmom was dad's affair partner and her daughters are his half-siblings.

NEW UPDATE

I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/stepmomanddad in r/offmychest and r/justnofamily. [BoRU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yxmuyq/oop_finds_out_that_his_stepmom_was_dads_ap_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **OOP finds out that his stepmom was dad's Affair Partner and her daughters are his half-siblings.** [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/yl999w/my_stepmom_was_my_dads_ap/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (3 Nov 22) **My stepmom was my dad's AP** My stepmom was my Dad´s AP This is my first time using reddit and english is not my first language When i (22M) was 4 my Dad(42M) divorced my mom. About a year later he introduced me to my stepmom (42F). She had two twin girls( N and D 22F). They married only a few months and went on to have three more kids, G( 16M) L(10M) and S(4F). My father adopted N and D because their bio father was not involved. I´ve always considered all 5 of them ( N,D,G,L and S) my siblings and we´ve never used step or half to refer to eachother. When i was 6, shortly after G´s birth, my mom passed away in a car accident and because of it i started to live with my dad full time. My relationship with my stepmom improved from there. She never adopted me however she, along with my dad, keept my mom´s memory alive by keeping in touch with my maternal grandparents and other relatives and visiting her grave with me on special days. I started calling her mom when i was around 7 or 8 and she refers to me as her eldest child ( me and the twins are the same age but i was born first) After i turned 18 i started to work but i continued to live with my parents. Last week i was in the attic when i found a photo album that i have never seen before. I opened it and i saw several pictures of my dad, my stepmom and the twins when they were babies, which made no sense to me because, like i said we were todlers when our parents met. I decided to confront my parents about it. They were sit alone in the kitchen and asked them how they met, they told the same story, that soon after my dad´s divorce he met my stepmom though a mutual friend. when they were done i place one of the pictures on the table and told them that i wanted the truth. I could tell by my dad´s face he understood what i meant. My dad told me that his marriage with my mom was going though a hard time because of my mom´s infertility issues, one day he met my stepmom and things escalated quickly and when he was ready to leave my mom she founded out that she was pregant but so did my stepmom at the same time, he lied to my mom several times so that he could spend time with my stepmom and the twins, one day he admited to my mom that he was having an affair and they got divorced. I looked at my stepmom and she was in tears, they both tried to say sorry but i just couldn´t stay in that house any longer. i´m currently staying at my gf´s parents house. I have talked to G, L and S, it pained me alot and G has said that S has cried for me and that just breaks my heart. I have refused to talk with my parents or to N and D. The three of them lied to me. I feel like my life was built on lies and i am lost, i do not know what to do, i still love my sisters and my parents but they, especialy my parents, have hurted me. so much. Edit:fixed typos Edit: fixed typos Edit: I wanna thank everyone for their input on my situation. I have come to the conclusion that i should talk with N and D, i will send them a message so that we can meet in person and talk about it. I will also try to meet my younger siblings because i have not seen them since last week, just talked to them over the phone, and i missed them. About my parents i do not know what i will do, i need to talk to them so that i can get atleast some cloesure but i don't know if i will be able to do it. Thank you everyone! [Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/ymuofi/my_sisters_knew_about_our_fathers_affair_with/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (5 Nov 22) **My sisters knew about our father's affair with their mother** Read my last post so you can understand. Before anything i would like to thank everyone who commented on my last post. I have seen common questions being asked i i'll reply to them: -"Did your mom really had fertility issues?"-Yes, her family has told me many times she got really afected by it and that my birth was a got her over the moon. -"Did the twins knew?"-i did not knew if they knew thats i talked to them. Now onto the update; After i made my post i made a group chat with the twins and texted them and we decided to met My GF wanted to come with me but i told her i would rather go alone. When i arrived they were already there, they asked started to try to make small talk i just asked them if they knew, they started to tear up and told me that they always knew my dad but only knew that they were his daughters when they were 16 because our parents told them, they initially wanted to tell me but my dad and stepmom pressed them not to saying that if they told me it would destroy our family. I asked how were things at home, they told me that G and L started to be rude to them and to our parents while S was asking about me. They asked me if i could forgive them, i told them that i still love them but i just need time they told me they understood. I said i was sorry and that i shouldn't blame them for our dad's mistakes, they told me they should have told me earlier, we hugged and cried together. We said our goodbyes and then i went home, my gf asked me how i was and i just broke down, she held me tight and told me to not hold on and that she was there for me, words cannot discrive how much i love this woman she has been my rock though out all of this. I talked with my younger siblings this morning and we met at park. I hugged them really tight especialy S, i'm super atached to her and i am really protective of her i tried to explain to her, in a todler friendly way, that i was mad at our parets because they did a "bad thing" and not at her, she asked if i was ever going back home, i told her i didn't knew but i still loved her. I talked to my brothers to see how they were holding on,G and L told me they had been having a hard time because they never tough our parents could do something so horrible, they told me they missed me but understood why i had to leave. We spent the morning together and after luch they went back home. I haven't talk to my parents yet and i plan to call my maternal grandparents tonight to see if they knew or not. Thank everyone for their support you guys have helped me a lot [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/ynr78f/i_talked_with_my_grandparents_about_my_fathers/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (6 Nov 22) **I talked with my grandparents about my father's affair.** TLDR about my last two posts: My dad cheated on my mom with my stepmom, my twin stepsisters whom my father adopted are actually his bio daughters. Yesterday i went to visit my maternal grandparents, first we mad the usual small talk and then i told them i needed to tell them something serious. I layed it all out, the affair, the twins faternity everything . To say my grandparents were shocked would be an understatement. My grandma started to cry her heart out asking herself how could my dad "hurt my baby girl like that" my granddad was more angry he called my dad and stepmom everything he could think of. My grandparents always tough that my parents had divorced because they didn't just worked out and because they were young and despite not being their son-in-law anymore they mainted a great relationship with my dad. After my grandma calmed down she asked me how i was doing, i told her that its been hard but i am doing better now she said she still couldn't believe my dad would do something so horrible to my mom, my grandpa said if my dad is lucky they would never laid eyes on eachother because my grandpa would do something that would put him in jail, if you understand me. We spent the rest of the day catching up and talking about my mom, overall it was very intense but opening up to people who loved my mother like i did helped me a bit. Thanks for reading. #[Update 3](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/yzgnh3/i_confroted_my_father_and_my_stepmom_about_their/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (20 Nov 22) **I confroted my father and my stepmom about their affair** Read my last posts for context. My dad and stepmom have wanted to meet me up and talk since i've found out about their affair, i wasn't feeling ready to do it yet, my gf said i should, eventually, meet them so that at least i can hear their side and told me she wanted to come with me. We( me and my gf) and they (dad and stepmom) decided to meet yesterday, on a public space. We arrived before them, i was feeling nervous and was shaking my leg, my gf held my hand and told me not to worry about because she was there for me. When they arrived i was looking at the floor and couldn't just look them in the eyes, my dad was trying to ask me things, like how was i and just asked him to explain everything, to moment he met my mom to the moment he divorced her. My dad, told me that he met my at their church and the moment he laid eyes on her he fell in love and soon after they started dating. My dad said my mom was "a perfect partner" he said she was kind, loving and very concerned about him. My dad proposed to her on her 18th birthday and she cried tears of joy, they went to get married, my dad said that he never saw my mom so happy until the day i was born, but they had problems having kids, they had a few misscarriages and then my dad started to cheat on my mom with my stepmom because my stepmom "could give me what your mom couldn't". My dad started to spent less and less time at home, at this point he had started crying, he said my mom tried her best and told him everyday of much she loved him and how sorry she was she couldn't give him a family. My father was planing on leaving my mom but she told him she was pregnant, in the same week my dad found out my stepmom was pregnant as well, my dad inicially believed that i was going to be a misscarriage but it didn't happened. He said that when i was born my mom couldn't stop looking at me crying and smiling at the same time, my dad said that my mom held his hand and said "we finally did it,my love". I started to cry a bit, my dad and stepmom tried to confort me but i just asked how my mom reacted to my dad's affair and why did my dad waited 4 years to divorce her. My dad said that during those 4 years my mom became overprotective of me (he gave a few examples like my mom had my crib in their room when i was a baby, whenever i was crying she was the one to calm down and didn't let anyone else do it, she didn't let anyone hold me until i was a bit older, she wanted to be a stay-at-home-mom so that she could spend more time with me, it took my dad and grandparents from both sides to convince her not to) which caused them to have less time alone and that during those 4 years my mom's sex drive got lower and she didn't got pregant again when they had sex. When my dad told my mom about the affair he laid down everything, including the twins. My mom begged him not to leave her, making promises she would have more sex with him and if my dad wanted he could continue to have the affair and have another children that my mom would treat them well, my dad said his mind was made up, my mom cried and asked him to leave her alone for a while. When my dad got back home he heard my mom singing my song(context i'm a leo and my mom always sang "leãozinho" from Caetano Velozo to me) he went to my room and peeked through the door and saw my mom in my room holding me in her arms while singing, after i fell asleep my mom started crying softly probably so that i wouldn't wake up, my dad said she started kissing me in the forehead and saying she loved me over and over again. My dad told me my mom sleept with me that night and the next day they started to discuss their divorce. My dad said that my mom did her best to not potray him as the bad guy and when i asked who i was going to live with my mom said i was going to be living with her one week and with my dad the other. My dad tried to guilt trip me, he said that my mom could tell everyone about the affair and could push to have full custody of me but "she understood it wouldn't be healthy for you". I simply asked about the twins, how was their relationship with him before and why did he told them. He said that when the twins were born my mom was already at home but he was able to visit my stepmom in the hospital, i asked him if he was always the twin's legal father to wich he replied yes, my father said that he would visit the twins and my stepmom at least once a week then my stepmom said that they tough the twins should know because they wanted the twins to learn the truth by them. I asked when where they planned to tell me, they didn't said anything. I told my dad that hia actions showed that he was norhing more than a selfish asshole, that he hurted me, the twins and my mom, all people who he should have loves and respected. I told him we could never have any type of meaningfull relationship, to forget about being at my wedding or meet my kids. The maximum i could do was tolerating him and his wife for the sake of my siblings,mainly my 4 year old sister. My stepmom tried to intervine, she said "son i ..." before she could continue my gf replied that i wasn't her son, that she was just my father's lover and that my mom had died. We soon left. As we were walking home my gf asked if i was alright to which i said yes. When we got home she held my hand and took me to our room, she laid in our bed and buried my face on her chest she said "I want you to know how proud i am, you have shown how much strong and mature you are, but you don't need to act tough around me. Please, let it all out." I started to cry as i have never did before. After what it seemed a eternity i told my gf i wanted to see some of my mom's pictures so that i could calm down. It started alright but then i got to two pictures taken one after another, in the first one my mom was holding me and looking at me with a big smile in the other one she was giving me a big kiss and i just lost it again. She didn't deserved any of this shit, i wished she could have found someone better than my dad, someone who could have loved and treated her like she deserved. I'm a litter better now but i'm still a emocional mess. My gf was said that she has been worried about my mental state and that she wants me to see a therapist,  i told her i agree but asked her to do the appointement because i was not capable of doing so. I want to thank everyone who commented, who sent me dms and gave me advice. Thank you a lot, it means a lot to me. If something else happens in my life i will keep you all updated. #[Update 4](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/z58lik/my_dads_side_of_the_family_are_guilttriping_me_so/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (24 Nov 22) **My dad's side of the family are guilttriping me so that i can forgive him.** English is not my first language. So i (22M) am NC with my dad(42M) and my stepmom( aka my dad's lover)(42F) because long story short my mom had fertility issues, my dad cheated on her and my stepmom and mom got pregnant at the same time which means that my twin stepsisters(22F) are actually my halfsisters. My dad and stepmom have tried to convice the twins and my brothers (16 M,10M) to talk to me,my siblings have refused. Dad and stepmom have also tried to poisened my sister (4F) against me but my siblings didn't allowed it and i had to explain to my sister why i was mad at her parents. Since then my dad's family( dad's siblings and parents) and even some family friends have been harassing me and guilt trip me to forgive my dad and stepmom saying things like "they were always good parents" "they love you" and things like that. I have told them to stop but they continue to message me, especialy my grandma, saying all this crap about "family". Part of me wants to block them but i am having a hard time doing it. I don't exactly know what my dad and stepmom have told them and i really don't want to go NC with half my family over my dad's mistakes. Any advice is helpfull. Edit:fixed typos Edit:fixed typos **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zdbdyt/oop_finds_out_that_his_stepmom_was_dads_affair/

zdbdyt

OOP abandoned her children while leaving abusive husband and now she doesn't know whether to build relationship with them or not

ONGOING

I am not OOP. OOP is u/Mustang1307098 . Originally posted in r/TrueOffMyChest . I got permission from OOP to post in this subreddit. TW: Mention of mental abuse, attempted suicide, child abandonment and Spousal abuse [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/z5ty5p/i_abandoned_my_children_while_divorcing_abusive/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) Nov, 27, 2022. Throwaway. Also english is my 3rd language so please ignore grammatical mistakes. Also this is going to be a long post so please overlook it. I will add TLDR at the end. Leo (38M) and I (36F) married when i was 23. My parents weren't in picture since i was 17 for some other reasons. When i was 19, I was addicted to weed. I had severe depression because i was broke and could afford rent. I tried to commit suicide twice. I met Leo when i was 4 months sober. He knows my history well. We dated for only 6 months. Marriage was rushed because of his parents and also i need support financially at that time. One of his parents condition for marriage was for me to sign pre-nup agreement. We have two children (12F and 9M). He was the breadwinner at that time while i took care of house. Also i was pregnant within a month after our marriage. Two years after my daughter Huma was born, i secured a job in communication based industry which pays me almost thrice what he earned at that time. This is the beginning of the financial and emotional abuse i suffered from him. Now that i am also earning, i requested him to share household chores. He refused to do any of it even taking care of our daughter. Thus, my burdens only increased. He started to get jealous and greedy. Sometimes he muttered about how women who earn more than their husband will disrespect them. He started to demand my money. I always refused to give it to him. Then he started to fight me even for very small matters. And every time we fight, he will involve his mom. My MIL will always take sides with him and started lecturing me. Its like two of them gang up on me. If i made a mistake, its my fault. But if he makes a mistake, its also my fault because i made him do the mistake. Well, I conceived again. I took maternity leave when i was 5 months pregnant. Our company only allows 8 months maternity leave so i have to return 3 months after birth. Staying at home only increased his resentment for me. He has mild allergy for some fruits. He ate them frequently so i always had to take care of him while also being pregnant and doing household chores. I endured all of this because if i seek divorce, he will take full custody of both my children given my history of depression, drugs and attempted suicide. I loved my children. 3 months after my son Rob's birth, i returned to office. My application for WFH was denied while he was granted WFH in his company (this happened pre-covid, WFH was allowed only for IT dudes at that time) so now he had more time to spend with children while doing nothing about chores. Around that time, i had considerable money saved, so i put a down payment on a house on my name. Since we had a prenup, he can't force his name on my house, he started to abuse me emotionally. He taught our daughter b word for her to call me. Yes, a 7 year old calling her mother b word. Eventhough i know its not her fault, i started resenting Huma. Eventhough Rob was still a child (4y) he started his fathers footsteps. I started to have anxiety. I suffered severe depressions again. On the suggestion of my supervisor, i started therapy secretly. My therapist was a 50s lady. She was sympathetic to me. Her suggestion was that i feel resentment towards Huma and Rob because they are the only attachment i have with Leo. She told me that its going to be lose-lose situation for me either way if Leo and ours didn't attend family and individual therapy and i can't convince him to attend therapy. My Therapy extended to 20 sessions before it ended. After that, i made the hard decision. I met a divorce lawyer and served Leo divorce papers. He was suprised/shocked but i already packed my things before serving. I moved to my house while he was in phone with my MIL. After a while he called which i didn't answer so he started spam texting me. He called me that i won't get custody of ours and he will never allow even visitation for me given my mental history. I didn't respond to any of that. MIL showed at my house and screamed in front of windows. I didn't call cops but my HOA security took her away. Divorce took 8 months to finalize in 2018. We didn't have a family account. I didn't get custody only supervised visitation which i didn't use until now. I had to pay 15% of my salary for child support for both Huma and Rob which i am happy to do so via court. After divorce, he tried to date again while posting pictures of his new girlfriend only to rub me in the eyes. But that didn't last long because she didn't want to be a caretaker for our children while being disrespected by Huma. As far as i know, he is still single dad with two. MIL called me 6 months after divorce begging me to come back because he now realize how much i have done for him and our family. He had to do chores now and when he asked for her help, she refused and berated him for the manchild he is. He is paying for a caretaker for 3 years now and is costing him more than twice what i pay to him via child support. I met Mohit through a client 2 years ago, when covid restrictions were relaxed. He understood my situation. He has two daughters (7 and 5) from his late wife. They are longing for a mother figure which i am happy to fill. We married 6 months ago and now we're currently expecting (4months). I am writing all of this because we are expecting a girl. Now, i feel like what my therapist said is coming true. I feel like i am replacing my children from previous marriage. It ia 3 years since i last saw them. Both of them write me letter for christmas but i don't write them back. I want to move past it but it is killing me inside. Mohit also suggested i visit them for this christmas but i don't know how am i going to explain myself to them especially Rob since his mother disappeared without a trace for him. I know this isn't the correct sub but i welcome advice regarding my situation. Thank you. TLDR ; I was abused at home, escaped and married Leo had two children got an amazing job realized he is a POS. Filed divorce, abandoned my children and never looked back now remarried and current expecting a girl. I feel like a bad mother and i am replacing my children. Thank you. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/Mustang1307098/comments/z700pe/update_i_abandoned_my_children_while_leaving/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) 1 day later, 28, Nov, 2022. [[Original post Link]](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/z5ty5p/i_abandoned_my_children_while_divorcing_abusive/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) This is merely an update, i just wanted to clarify some questions. Some informations that i didn't include in the original post and a small update in the end. | Is english really your 3rd language? - Yes, english is my 3rd behind my native language and our national language. | Do you really addicted to weed or its just alcohol? - Yes weed actually, near the place i live, farmers hide weed plants in between other crops. | How are you able to write fluently in english? - English was taught to us throughout our school life. | What is your ethnicity? - I don't feel comfortable revealing my country but i am from south asia. | How cum you're not given custody eventhough you're mentally depressed and attempted suicide many years ago? - Because i attempted suicide again when Huma was 6. | Is your current husband preventing you from reaching your children from previous marriage? - No, in fact it is opposite. He encourages me to meet them but understands my trauma. He meets them atleast once every 2 months. They know him. He is the one brought their letters but he doesn't force me to read them. | How do you pay child support to your ex? - There is an officer in court for this matters. He transfers the cheque from me to money for ex. Fees for this is very small. | What is DV law in your country? - DV as in domestic violence? Ex and his mom didn't assaulted me physically. Its only verbal and emotional abuse. Its hard to prove in court. Even if i had proved that in court, it still wouldn't make any difference according to our civil law. | Why you left your kids with an abuser? - As much as he is a shitty husband to me, he is a great dad to them except the manipulation he pulled against me. He even left his girlfriend because she served him an ultimatum, either her or the children, he chose our children. So i followed my instinct at that moment. Still that doesn't excuse me, i know. | What if he abused the children on your absence? - He won't. He loves them despite abusing me. And also Mohit meets them once every 2 months. | You said you make 3X your ex's salary, why can't you take him to court again for custody rearrangement? - Unfortunately, money doesn't matters in court, since fathers have more rights when it comes to children and given my mental (and at that time physical) health, court didn't do me any favor. | Why didn't you use your visitations? - Because Ex is the supervisor for my visitation. He requested the court to also allow MIL as the supervisor. He did this to spite me, no doubt. | Huma is muslim name, mohit is hindu name and Leo is christian name, what are you trying to convey here? - I didn't know Huma is muslim name, its actually a short version of her actual name from our native language. Yes me and ex are christians and Mohit is hindu turned atheist. I didn't have much attachments to Christianity due to childhood trauma regarding churches. | Why didn't you mention your ex-FIL? - He died 8 months after our (ex and I) marriage before Huma was born. | Is there anyone from your bio-family is in contact with you? - No | Are you still in therapy? - Yes | How much you pay child support to your ex? - In terms of american dollars, about $600. This is based on 15% of my salary in early 2019. This has to be adjusted every 2 years as per court but we didn't change it as i also pay for other related expenses for our children (and twice the amount for a year during covid), which is more than adjusted amount, so ex didn't take me to court. | How much he pays for caretaker? - To caretaker from a professional agency, about $18K per year. This includes doing household chores and stuffs. As per court order, he sent me details of her. She is a 45+ lady. Mohit met her. She seemed nice. | You don't really contribute anything other than child support? - I am so sorry, yes. Mohit and my step daughters did send them letters and some gifts for their birthdays and christmas. They don't force me to involve. | What is the content of their letters? - Just how they are doing. Wanting to meet me. Asking for forgiveness from Huma. | Why didn't you wrote them back? - I had trouble thinking about them, i thought if i had cut contact, it would be best for both of us. | Does Rob remembers you? - Yes, our family portrait is still in hall as ex informed Mohit. So he remembers me. | Does Huma berates you in the letters? - No | Does a 7 year old girl really called you b word? - Yes, not really b word, its equivalent in our language. | Does Huma uses b word in letter? - No | If you already know you're in abusive situation before Rob was born, why did you give birth to him? - I didn't know any better at that time. Its only about money before Rob was born. | Your therapist seems like a good one. Why did you end your sessions? - She moved to Canada for better opportunities before my divorce. | Is your ex and the kids are in therapy? - No, ex lost his job in Covid so i had to pay twice my child support for 13 months. So only kids are in school therapy which i pay for. | So you think, money equates mother's love? - No, i didn't have a choice. Now before the informations, i would like to thank the amazing redditor who actually offered her experience in a similar situation and how she regretted cutting them off and i really appreciate her advice. And the people who chatted with me sharing their experience about being abandoned by their parents and how they felt. I actually cried after reading some of the comments. Mohit also read your comments. Some messages targeted Mohit for causing alienation, so he got awkward but understood why you thought he is the reason. One of the reasons why i posted is because ex and MIL invited me for this christmas to their house. I didn't mention this in original for reasons i dont know. I am conflicted on this. That's why i posted this on this subreddit. As per the advice of my therapist, now Mohit and I decided take steps very slow for the time being. We decided to make videocall to them during christmas. Thank you. OP here. I had a little chat with OOP. Posted here with permission OP: Hey Mustang, what's the motive behind your original post? OOP: Hi. If i am being honest, i wanted someone to assure me there is nothing i could do or i am not a bad mom or some consolation. That's why i posted here. But comments here are bit harsh and cruel but truth indeed. Some people exchanged their pwn experience in my situation amd my children's situation to me. They offered their valuable advice. Thank You OP here. I think this situation is sad for both OOP and her children. OOP said that she will read comments here and welcomes any valuable advices.

dhulkarnin470

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zdcq43/oop_abandoned_her_children_while_leaving_abusive/

zdcq43

OOP's fiancé is convinced by her best friend that she has a crush on friend's husband

NEW UPDATE

**I am not the OP. That is u/thra_Impress6525. This is the continuation of another BORU post, which can be found [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/x02wg4/oop_learns_a_hard_lesson_about_herself/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button).** Trigger warning: >!none!< Mood spoiler: >!sad, but hopeful!<   [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/wv3rbh/my_26f_fiance_is_convinced_i_have_a_crush_on_my/) *posted on August 22, 2022* **My (26F) fiance is convinced I have a crush on my friend’s husband** My best friend Sarah (26F) and her husband Matt (28M) have put me in a very difficult position with my fiance Jack (30M). I knew Matt since my childhood, he was my neighbor and we were friendly. Sarah and I were roommates in college and became close friends. When I introduced Sarah and Matt, they hit it off and started dating each other. I was happy to see two of my friends get together but also annoyed that I became the third wheel and was often ignored or set aside because they were so into each other. By the time I graduated, Matt had completely dropped me as a friend. That saddened me but I was still good friends with Sarah so it was what it was. Sarah and I would frequently hang out, but I never talked with Matt other than the occasional polite hellos. Sarah would sometimes try to do couples dates with her and Matt and me and my dates. I found that Matt had developed an unpleasant personality and would frequently be rude and condescending towards me. However, he’s a very devoted and loving husband to Sarah so for her sake I ignored him. When my fiance and I got engaged, we had no plans to do a party. Sarah was disappointed that we didn’t throw an engagement party so she organized a small get-together at her home to celebrate us. The party was nice and as things were winding down, my fiance and I went to thank Sarah and Matt for their sweet gesture before we took our leave. Matt was pretty tipsy by then and out of nowhere he suddenly hugged me and in front of my fiance said that he was so glad that I was finally settling down and he is relieved that now I’ll be over the crush I had on him. I was shocked and told him that wasn’t true. He just laughed and told Jack that I was always chasing him and he had to work hard to keep me away. I dragged Sarah in and asked her to please fix this mess and she was all like oh he’s drunk ignore him and says, you know I always trust you, I know you wouldn’t act on your crush. Jack was pretty pissed by this point and he walked out. I ran after him and tried explaining that this isn’t true but he told me he doesn’t want to be anyone’s second choice or their backup plan. Since that night he isn’t talking to me or returning my calls. I have talked to Sarah multiple times to clear things with Jack but she’s brushing me off. I don’t understand why they believe this or why she’d stay friends with me if she thought I was into her husband. I was in her wedding party and did all the work because her sister who was the MOH was too busy. I have helped her through her pregnancy and have babysat her kid so many times. She never gave me any indication she thought this and why would she want me close to her family if she believed this? I feel humiliated that these people think I was pining away for a jerk like Matt. I need help in convincing Jack this isn’t true. I am also mad at him for throwing away our relationship over what some drunken idiot said. I don't know what I am going to do about my friendship with Sarah. Update: I talked to Sarah again and asked her first of all why she’d think I had a crush on Matt. She said that when I first introduced them I had talked up Matt and gushed about him and she took that as me being into him. I said I was fond of him since I’ve known him for a long time but that doesn’t mean I want to be with him. She said when they started dating I was often upset about it. I said I wasn’t upset about their dating, I was upset that she’d make plans with me and then leave me to be with him and when we were all together I didn’t enjoy being the third wheel while they ignored me. That had nothing to do with wanting him and more to not liking being left out by my best friend. I asked her why she hadn’t said anything before and she explained that she could “manage” the situation. She had asked Matt to stop talking to me completely and she engineered situations so there was little chance of us socializing with each other. I asked her now that I have explained that I never had a crush on Matt, can you please talk to Jack and tell him. She said she didn’t want to lie. This frustrated me immensely. She could ignore this imaginary crush for years and manipulate me, but won’t talk to my fiance to help my relationship. I told her I was done being her friend. Thinking back I was always doing stuff for her and she used me but did little for me.   [Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/wz6ubd/update_my_26f_fiance_is_convinced_i_have_a_crush/) *posted on August 27, 2022* **Update: My (26F) fiance is convinced I have a crush on my friend’s husband** I wrote a long letter to Jack explaining the entire history of my relationship with Sarah and Matt with the recent screencaps. I asserted as best as I could that I had never pined after any guy and I loved him and he was my only choice. After days of silence, Jack agreed to talk to me. We met and he said that he sees two ways of interpreting this situation. One, Matt and Sarah are right and he doesn’t want to be my second choice. Two, they are malicious people who are messing with me and that shows very poor judgment on my part that I’d have a best friend like this and he doesn’t want that quality in a life partner. Either possibility leads to the same conclusion that he wants to call off the engagement. He reminded me that I had represented Sarah as one of the most important people in my life. I’d jump up and help her all the time. I had once canceled plans with him to take care of her kid when the baby was sick. It had irked him but he had seen it as me being caring and nice, but now he’s seeing all that in a different light. I cried and begged him not to end our engagement, but he wanted a break for a while. I thought over what he said for a few days and came to realize that he was right. I was a clingy friend and a doormat. I never even saw how much one sided my friendship with Sarah was. I was a doormat with Jack too. I didn’t want to get married or have kids this early but agreed to his timelines. I gave up an exciting job opportunity with more money because he didn’t want me traveling for work. I love him but I need to fix myself and be stronger. I gave back his ring and ended things. I returned all the gifts he gave too. He was offended by that, but I didn’t feel good about keeping the very expensive things he had given me. He makes a lot more than me and was very generous with what he gave me, but I can’t keep that now. Sarah was quiet for a while but then started calling me. I ignored a lot of her calls but this morning I answered her call and told her about the breakup. I was looking for sympathy from my old friend. She was more interested in knowing if I was still going to watch her kid while she and Matt went on an overnight trip. She got pretty angry when I said no. I have blocked her now. I have lost my fiance, my best friend and my relationship with my nephew whom I adored, all in one go. But still, I am thankful for the comments that showed this wasn’t something I could fix and helped me rip off the bandaid and walk away from this mess.   [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/yqpe3m/update_my_26f_fiance_is_convinced_i_have_a_crush/) *posted on November 9, 2022* **Update: My (26F) fiance is convinced I have a crush on my friend’s husband** I wanted to thank all the people who commented and DMed good advice to me about my previous posts. I especially want to thank those who advised me about my job. I took up that suggestion and went and talked to the hiring manager, explaining that I was very passionate about the work but I couldn’t travel back then due to certain family responsibilities but I am able to travel now. He didn’t have that position open anymore, but he connected me with a manager in a different region. This job required relocating very far away and that seemed like a blessing at this point and I jumped on it. I am now in a new city and very grateful for leaving behind the mess that my relationships had become. The fallback after my engagement broke was not pleasant. I don’t have a good relationship with my parents because they have always been very critical of me. This incident seemingly justified all their opinions of me and they crowed a lot about how I have ruined the only good thing I had managed in my life. Even though I explained what happened, the impression my family has is that Matt’s family tried to do a nice thing for me and I had a tantrum at their party and my fiance broke up with me because of my behavior. I am so grateful to my job for allowing me to move away from all these people. My ex-SIL had called me a few times to talk to me but I avoided her for a very long time because I didn’t think I could deal with more criticism. I did agree to see her a few days before I moved. She wanted clarification on why we broke up because she said that the reason Jack had given her was so dumb she was convinced he wasn’t tell her the truth. She told me what he said and he had given her the correct details. I confirmed that’s what had happened and she was dumbfounded. I hadn’t realized this, but she liked me very much and thought well of me. I was so moved I cried, she might be the only person in real life who felt I wasn’t in the wrong. She tried to convince me to talk to her brother and work this out. She was very disappointed to hear that I was moving away. Another reason I am glad for the relocation otherwise I’d have been tempted to agree to her setting up a meet. Later, Jack left me a message saying we should talk, but I haven’t responded to him. I moved and I am settling down in this new place. I am very busy with my new job and getting used to a very different lifestyle in this big city. I have thought about calling him but then I think I should let that lie and work on building a new life for me.   **Reminder - I am not the OP** *edit: changed mood spoiler*

Shelly_895

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zde8to/oops_fiancé_is_convinced_by_her_best_friend_that/

zde8to

[NEW UPDATE] My sister is turning into the biggest bridezilla. And I can’t stop laughing.

NEW UPDATE

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/cute_quarter_9399 in r/weddingshaming** trigger warnings: >!PPD, manipulation!< ---   [**My sister is turning into the biggest bridezilla. And I can’t stop laughing.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingshaming/comments/wqry1a/my_sister_is_turning_into_the_biggest_bridezilla/) - 17 August 2022 So, a little background. I am the second youngest of 5 kids. My older siblings are two brothers and one older sister, who we’ll call E for the purposes of this post. E and I have a 5 year age gap, as a result we never really had that “sisterly” bond you would expect most sisters have. Growing up I was always a burden to her, and anytime it was my turn to pick the family movie (or really anything) she would get upset. The reason being that she had control issues as early as 9. So I’m guessing you can already see where I’m going with this. I’m currently 18 (about to turn 19 - woohoo!) and E turned 24 earlier this year. Her bf “A” proposed to her at a family beach day earlier in June of this year. It was one of those “big white letters and rose pedals” proposals which he set up before my family arrived. She was thrilled, said yes, and my parents were very happy along with my older siblings (the youngest is 4 so I don’t think she understood what was happening). Now here’s the drama - since the proposal she has gone into full bridezilla mode. At the behest of my mom, E made me a bridesmaid. So I’m roped into all the b.s. so far these are the demands my dear sister has made: 1. All bridesmaids are to pay for their own dress (a $300 dress! In blush pink), shoes, hair, and makeup. 2. All bridesmaids need to attend all wedding and bachelorette events, including: a. The bachelorette spa day $800 each B. The bachelorette vacation weekend to Toronto and stay at the Fairmont hotel $1000 weekend just for hotel C. The dress appointments (even if just for bride), all alterations covered by the person themselves. $300 dress plus approx $300 alterations etc D. All things to do with wedding (cake, venue, catering etc) they need to attend. The cake and food tasting, they all need to pay $25 E. The guests, and the bridal/groom party need to pay $150 to reserve their spots. And gifts have to be either cash, cheque, or from the list of registry items. She has a spreadsheet of what everyone is gifting, and has said she will return items that aren’t from her registry/match her theme My mom says it’s bride anxiety, I say it’s just my sister trying to control everything because she wants a December wedding on a ski hill. Bleh 🤮 Anyways, I figure if people are interested, I could update periodically on what happens. Thanks for reading! ETA: I realized I didn’t include the controlling parts. My bad. Here they are 1. All bridesmaids need to go to hair and skin appointments every 6 weeks to ensure our hair and skin is “flawless” for pictures, it’s out of pocket too 2. Anyone with tattoos needs to cover them (our dresses will do that. They go to the neck, ankles, and wrists. The bride wants to be the only one sleeveless/showing her tattoos and colourful hair style). Either we need to get our hair dyed to a natural colour, or wear a wig at our expense 3. The dresses only come in sizes 00-10 (pretty good range for most. But those who don’t fit are expected to try to lose weight. I’m a size 12, and already my sister is calling me fat. She’s sent me a keto diet book through Amazon. 4. No one (vendors) are to communicate directly to the bride/groom. It has to go through us first. She made a gmail with “lastnamewedding” which we all have access to, and we aren’t supposed to ask her if something is okay. We should just know (this is the part that stresses mom out) 5. We need to remind the guests that they need to pay a deposit of $150 to save their spot, and if we don’t get it, they don’t come. We also need them to confirm what they’ll purchase from the registry or the $ amount they’ll give. Edit 2: y’all are making me realize my family isn’t normal. I’m going to look into therapy with my uni and seeing if I can move into residence earlier. I want to thank the person who private messaged me about getting my mom off my bank account and also get my birth certificate etc. I think I’m going to do that after I talk to the people at the bank. I texted my mom (I’m at work right now) if her, dad, and I can talk about it while sister is gone to her fiancés for the night. I’m hoping to show my mom and dad this post to help them understand where I’m coming from Edit 3: I’m going to take some time away from this alt - just because a lot of you are right. This isn’t normal, our relationship as a family is not normal. I called my aunt while I was at work (for those of you who don’t know, she’s my godmother, and she thinks my mom is nuts) and we talked about it. She’s encouraging me to talk to my parents about everything (not only the wedding, but favouritism etc since childhood) and she’s also on standby in case things go to shit. My shift at work finishes in a few more hours, then I’ll go home and pack a quick bag of stuff for my aunt to grab before my parents and I talk.   [**Update to “My sister is turning into a bridezilla and I can’t stop laughing”**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Cute_Quarter_9399/comments/wxirsg/update_to_my_sister_is_turning_into_a_bridezilla/) - 25 August 2022 Firstly, I just wanted to apologize for how long this has taken. My parents originally planned to talk that night, but mom said she wasn’t feeling good and decided to go to sleep early (around 6 pm) and that feeling stayed for a while. We then got busy moving my sister into her fiancés place and by the time everything settled, my parents forgot we had something to discuss, and kinda brush it off to the side. We finally had the conversation two days ago and I needed a day to think and just react to things. So without further adieu, here is the update. As you can expect, the update isn’t the best. But not really for the reasons you might think. I don’t know if I have a text limit so apologies if there is a part 2 (link below) So turns out my dad never knew the whole story, he knew he was responsible for paying for my sisters dress And a portion of the wedding or honey moon. The reason for this is that my parents told me (dad confirmed with bank records) that my parents had been setting up 25k accounts for myself and each of my siblings. The rule was that these accounts could be used for anything once we turned 19 and went off to post secondary. It was our money to use. I just turned 19 and my dad was getting ready to sign the money over to me when we had this conversation. Which caused a bit of a blow up, but right now I need to give some background info I was given. Right after sister got engaged, she apparently had a conversation with my mom about how she always felt like the child left out (she’s used this line before so I do believe my mom fell for it and was guilt tripped). As a result of a very long conversation, my mom figured that she could divert some of the funds from all the kids accounts to pay for sisters wedding. For those wondering, my two older brothers are in the military. They aren’t married yet, and live on base. They never used their 25k because the army in Canada pays for your education, housing etc. So my mom had 50k at her disposal. Then combined with my sisters and my 25k it would have been 100k. Mom figured that because I had 17k saved up, she could just give me my 25k later for a car or a house payment…or wedding (bleh) Sister did this because again, she is a master manipulator (side note: thank you to the wonderful redditors who sent me to various sub reddits for narcissism and support along with those who sent articles on it to me) and possible narcissist. She used some of my moms mental and physical health conditions against her. When I was born, mom went through very bad PPD, resulting in her leaving to a treatment facility for 4 months. Leaving my sister, two brothers, me, and dad behind. My two older brothers at the time were 9 and 7 at the time and me, only a few months. Sister for reference was 5 or just shy of 5 (I honestly don’t care to calculate), since my brothers were trouble my dad and his brother (my uncle) had his hands full, and a live in nanny did the stuff for me, so my sister had my aunt (who lived with us at the time) and got little to no attention from dad at an age where attention is important. I think that triggered the bad sides of her to come out. While the nanny did help sister with basics (food, water, bath, clothes, a little play) she wasn’t a replacement for mom. Even my aunt wasn’t a replacement for mom despite her being there mainly for sister and sleeping in the same bed as her, helping her with homework, having girls trips etc. When mom came back, sister had a huge grudge, but not to mom, but to me. I was the reason mom left. Which led to her trying to smother me with a pillow. Mom caught her in time and it was a “funny” story for us as a family. Turns out that’s a coping mechanism. Over my childhood, sister has used manipulation to get what she wants, and she did it for the wedding too. Mom felt bad, and decided to give her little dove everything she desired. Common things I heard growing up were “you always give (me) XYZ! I want this!“ *proceeds to have a melt down* as sister grew up it wasn’t little toys and candy anymore. But girls trips. As a result of this, dad and I grew very close. He’s my best friend. My sister and I had a decent relationship when I was 12-14, but it changed again when mom got pregnant with youngest sister (it was an accident lol) and I became the target again for sisters rage and abuse. While I know it doesn’t excuse a lot of things, I figured it would be important to give you all the whole story. Since I forgot some very important details in my last post which I added later.   [**Part 2 to update “my sister is turning into a bridezilla and I can’t stop laughing”**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Cute_Quarter_9399/comments/wxiup0/part_2_to_update_my_sister_is_turning_into_a/) - 25 August 2022 So now with the back info done, here’s what happened: A day after sister moved out I asked my mom and dad to please finally have the convo with me. Mom was feeling better so we sat down and we’re talking. I told them how I felt, how much of a financial toll it would be on me, how it wasn’t fair etc. Well, Dad blew up. He didn’t know about the 100k, or the things sisters was doing etc. He didn’t like the fact that mom used a lot of “your father and I agree” talk even tho they hadn’t (I showed group chat screenshots). We worked through the wedding issue (I don’t have to attend) and the 25k for me issue (dad is signing it over early). Then I was asked to go to my room for a bit because dad and mom wanted to talk. They settled the budget issue on their own. Dad then asked why I didn’t feel comfortable to talk to them earlier, so I showed them this post. My dad snapped. He immediately called my sister and told her to come here ASAP because he needed to talk to her and would not accept excuses. She said she would be here in 4 hours because she was with fiancé and his parents. Dad pressed, and she hung up and blocked him. Dad told me to go to my room once again, but to leave my phone so they could go over the post and see the comments. I don’t know exactly what happened but mom came to talk to me later. She then told me about the PPD etc (I didn’t know about it earlier). We solved our issues and I finished by asking if sister would go to therapy. Because moms convinced that the 4 month leave caused this stuff in her, mom said she’d try, but can’t force. I told her if sister doesn’t go, I’m going NC with her and possibly LC with mom. Dad then joined the convo and assured me I would get my money, and I wouldn’t have to go to wedding if I didn’t want to. Since sister is charging $150 per guest, she can pay for her grandios wedding through that. Soon to be BIL and his family aren’t paying for shit apparently, so now they have to or sister doesn’t get to have her ski hill wedding. Speaking of the $150 fee, y’all were right. It was sister who concocted the whole thing and told mom it was an Italian thing. We talked to sisters MIL when she dropped sister off (sister doesn’t drive) and MIL was shocked that Sister had said that. There is apparently a money dance, but no $150 fee. So onto what happened when sister came back. She came after 5 hours, and while MIL was there she was sweet as pie. But when MIL left, oh lord the gates to hell broke lose. She demanded why dad disturbed the peaceful evening and demanded he drive her back. Dad said he didn’t care and to sit down. She refused, they fought. Finally she sat down after dad started pulling out various tricks. Including money or telling MIL about sisters true nature (which I guess fiancé hasn’t seen much of) I was excused to my room again. There was a lot of angry yelling back and forth and a lot of manipulation from sister, including threats of LC/NC or no seeing possible grand kids in the future. She was trying to get mom to go back to original plan (100k plan) and mom and dad weren’t budging. The fighting continued and stopped when my dad yelled saying mom isn’t her punching bag and her PPD was not her fault and if she was that angry about it, go to therapy. After that I was called back down, and we went over all the issues. Starting with the Keto book, sister tried to defend saying i was fat and lazy, dad defended me. Sister started to cry and mom told dad to be a little softer, which he did. We finally discussed everything and I felt like part of the family instead of like a punching bag. Sister eventually got an Uber and left because she was “being attacked”. We’re going to wait until Christmas time when brothers are back in town so we can all discuss what we need as a family to go forward and be healthy. But it will most likely be therapy or cutting sister out. Mom and dad are still figuring out the full budget issue with my sisters in-laws. My parents told them that for such a wedding to happen everyone would need to contribute. In-laws agreed that 100,000 for a wedding is insane. Last I heard, sister will get her 15k for the wedding, which is basically 5k because 10k dress (since it’s already ordered - the other 10k is being held for something tangible) and then her in-laws are being generous and helping with 15 K. 10 to wedding 5 to honeymoon. As for my schooling, Dad and I are going to the bank tomorrow and we’re going to pay the cancellation fee for the loan I had to take out. The loan only officially starts when I start school so thankfully the cancellation fee is very small. My dad is paying for the fee because he admits that I should’ve never had had to take the loan out. My parents agreed that my first year of university along with housing costs will not come out of my budget (the 17k or the 25k) so they will pay themselves. The full amount that they budgeted for me is going to be transferred into something called a TFSA for later in life. Well mom and I still have a somewhat rocky relationship, sister absolutely hates me. She blamed me for everything, and said that I have caused irreparable damage to her relationship with her fiancé and in-laws. Because of this, she’s banned me from the wedding and from her life. I honestly don’t care, I don’t really see it as losing a sister I see it as losing a bully. I made a promise to my mom and dad that I would never treat my younger sister like that. I’m going to be the role model she deserves and I’m going to be her protector like my brothers and my father were for me. I think I covered everything that needs to be covered but if you guys have any questions feel free to ask them. I’m very thankful for the sub Reddit for teaching me what a real family is about, and for teaching me about boundaries and communication. Have an amazing life you gorgeous humans.   [**3 month post update to “my sister is turning into a bridezilla and I can’t stop laughing”**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Cute_Quarter_9399/comments/ywwrut/3_month_post_update_to_my_sister_is_turning_into/) - 16 November 2022 Hey everyone! Figured I would update you since it’s been a very long time. I apologize, i lost the log in to this account but just found it. So onto the update. Family therapy is going really well, my two brothers were given temporary leave to come back to Canada (they were both stationed overseas for a bit, i believe they have to go back after this) to help the process along. Our family is getting back on track and my mom and I are closer then ever! It honestly feels like I have my best friend back. As for my sister, honestly, i don’t know what’s going on with her. A friend of mine still follows her social media, and everything seems well. The wedding was moved up to November 26th instead of December 17th like she originally planned. Her and her fiancé have bought a place. Apparently (and this is rumours) she’s pregnant. She’s cut all of us off, and her fiancés family is talking shit about us, but we’re holding strong. In other, more exciting news, I’m loving Ottawa! I go back home once a month for in person therapy, but I also have three virtual sessions monthly. On top of that, my oldest brother is getting married! So while I lost a terrible sister, i gained an amazing sister. She’s so sweet, texts me every couple of days, gets me Uber eats orders when I’m down despite being provinces away. She’s so so sweet. She asked if I would feel comfortable being her MOH (she’s an only child and her mom passed away) and I agreed. So by this time next year I’ll have an official new sister! There’s not a whole lot else to say, but I also have a boyfriend. He’s in the army too (couldn’t get away from it I guess 😅) and very supportive and loving. Our 6 month anniversary is in January, and I’m looking forward to it. Anyways thank you so much Reddit, you are all amazing, beautiful, soulful humans and I hope you all have prosperous, healthy, and fruitful lives. I love you all Sincerly, Cute_Quarter_9399 P.s i might delete this account   [**Post wedding update to “my sister is turning into a bridezilla and I can’t stop laughing”**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Cute_Quarter_9399/comments/z64xlo/post_wedding_update_to_my_sister_is_turning_into/) - 27 November 2022 Hello everyone! A lot of people wanted to know what happened at the wedding yesterday. So I shall provide the update. My family and I were banned from going, but my cousins and friends in her now husbands family filled me it. So not a whole lot happened at the ceremony. The MOG (Mother of Groom) showed up in an off white dress, and a few people brought their kids despite it being a child free ceremony. But no true drama happened until the reception. I somewhat feel bad for my sister because of this, but the MOG invited one of the grooms’s ex’s (I guess to hope that it would break them up?) but it didn’t work. She tried to get between my sister and her now husband but her husband (and I give him props for this) told her to leave. Honestly all around it wasn’t dramatic, they made it to the alter and are leaving for their honeymoon today or tomorrow. But one thing that was confirmed is my sister is definitely pregnant. At the end of the wedding speeches, the groom said his, with a slide show, and the last slide was an ultrasound picture and “baby Lastname due June 2023” Sorry it isn’t much of an update.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zdepwo/new_update_my_sister_is_turning_into_the_biggest/

zdepwo

I write a pseudonymous blog. Someone posed as me and got a book deal. I've been ordered to hand over my website.

REPOST

[removed]

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zdh6q9/i_write_a_pseudonymous_blog_someone_posed_as_me/

zdh6q9

Physically hurt me? Face the wrath of my mum + update

NEW UPDATE

[removed]

Ok_Bid4238

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zdiv0x/physically_hurt_me_face_the_wrath_of_my_mum_update/

zdiv0x

I write a pseudonymous blog. Someone posed as me and got a book deal. I've been ordered to hand over my website.

REPOST

[removed]

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zdiyjj/i_write_a_pseudonymous_blog_someone_posed_as_me/

zdiyjj

I write a pseudonymous blog. Someone posed as me and got a book deal. I've been ordered to hand over my website.

REPOST

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/ceaseblogging in r/legaladvice** mood spoiler: >!frustrating!< ---   [**I write a pseudonymous blog. Someone posed as me and got a book deal. I've been ordered to hand over my website.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/5uzlut/i_write_a_pseudonymous_blog_someone_posed_as_me/) - 19 February 2017 For the last three years, I've written a parenting blog under a pseudonym. It started out small, but over time I've developed a decent sized audience. It's not huge, but it's respectable. I write entirely about my family and my life. A completely surreal thing happened this week and it's escalated to the point that I know I need to contact an attorney. But it's a long weekend and I can't seem to get in touch with anyone. I'm hoping to get some advice here in the interim. Earlier in the week, I started receiving a couple emails from readers congratulating me on my book deal. This came as news to me, because I've never tried to get a book deal. I asked the readers where they heard this, and they pointed me towards a couple news releases that ultimately led back to a small publishing outfit. According to the publisher, my pseudonym will be writing a book on parenting, life, and other topics. Also according to the publisher, my blog would be moving to a new site to better integrate with the book. It reeked of rebranding. I immediately contacted the publisher and basically asked "what the fuck??" Within a day, I received a cease and desist email from a law firm on behalf of the publisher. From the letter and a few follow up emails, this is what I have pieced together: Some deranged person decided to claim that THEY were the one who wrote under my pseudonym. This person contacted the publisher and worked out a book deal. This person told the publisher that I was a paid ghost writer who occasionally helped with posts and managed the website. This person warned the publisher that I had become disgruntled because I was supposedly informed that I would be let go in a few weeks once the book deal went through. The publisher was warned that I might try to retaliate. The publisher was told that when I learned the book deal was final, I locked the "real author" out of her own website and that I was now holding it hostage. I was warned that I had to immediately turn access of the blog over to the publisher or risk further legal and civil penalties. I've been warned that any further posts made under the pseudonym will compound the damages because the pseudonym now belongs to the publisher and I was fired by the "real author." I'm baffled and scared. What's uniquely worrisome is that the firm somehow knows my real name. The cease and desist is addressed to me. I have no idea how they obtained that information. Because of the threats, I've decided to go radio silent on my blog. I usually post once a day, but I haven't posted anything since Wednesday night. In the mean time, the new blog has posts. It's weird and creepy and just plain scary because they are posts where someone is pretending to be me. I've seen my traffic take a nose-dive as it appears many of my readers have found the new blog over the last few days. I'm hoping to reach a lawyer on Tuesday, but in the mean time, what can I do? Beyond the bizarre happenings with the blog, I'm beginning to be nervous about my own safety. I'm in Virginia.   **Comment on post:** >Commenter: Not legal advice: Why not put up a blog post telling your readers what is going on, so that they stop switching over to the new site? > >OOP: In my communications with the firm, I was warned that any post made on behalf of the pseudonym would only add to the damages I would be facing. They claim to own all rights to the blog. Rather than open myself up to further legal trouble, I've gone quiet until I can talk with an attorney. But my readership is plummeting in the meantime.   [**UPDATE: I write a pseudonymous blog. Someone posed as me and got a book deal. I've been ordered to hand over my website.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/5wbgc1/update_i_write_a_pseudonymous_blog_someone_posed/) - 26 February 2017 Thank you for all the advice to my last post. I especially appreciate the supportive private messages I received from IT experts and fellow mommy bloggers. As for the update, unfortunately this problem has become too complicated for me to fight and I've chosen to walk away. I know this does not make much sense at first, but there are many personal considerations that have gone into my decision. In the comments to my last post, I alluded to being worried about the financial security of my family. What I did not mention is that much of this fear comes from the fact that my mother in law was recently diagnosed with a serious (though hopefully treatable) disease. My family and the families of my in-laws are helping her through this difficult period. But the difficulties are more than financial. This has been a very emotionally trying time for my husband and my children. Prior to this legal problem, my husband and I had discussions about me reducing my blogging or stepping back entirely for a stretch. The amount of time it took to write for my blog is honestly time that I need to put towards supporting my family right now. So one consideration in my decision to not pursue a legal fight was the money and (more importantly) the time it would take. Although my husband and I figured the money would work itself out, especially if our case was as strong as everyone here said it was. But the real reason I decided not to fight the publisher is this: I wrote things on my blog about my in-laws (including my MIL) under the assumption that I was writing anonymously. I was never mean, but I did state some difficult truths about their behavior and unintentional emotional manipulation. We came to the conclusion that any effort to fight the publisher carried with it too great a risk that I would be outed publicly as the author of the blog. Given that emotions are running high now that we are all caring for my MIL, it would be devastating if my in-laws became aware of my writing. This concern settled the issue for us. The publisher filed a DMCA complaint against my blog. Thanks to the advice of everyone here, I made a backup of all my writing for myself. Strangely enough, a (very poorly formatted) archive of old posts also appeared on the new blog run by the impostor and the publisher. It looks like they just used copy and paste. I sent an email to the lawyers saying that while I was not conceding ownership of the blog or of my posts, I would not be fighting them at this time. They want me to sign some papers, but I have told them that I will not do that. They seem to have backed off. Honestly, I am heartbroken to lose my blog, but I would be more heartbroken if it became something that would create a rupture in my family as we try to support my MIL. Thank you again to everyone. Hopefully somewhere down the road I can begin writing anew.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zdk8e7/i_write_a_pseudonymous_blog_someone_posed_as_me/

zdk8e7

My wife tried to hide my daughter from me. Am I wrong to feel this angry?

INCONCLUSIVE

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/betrayedbywifen in r/relationship_advice** mood spoiler: >!infuriating!< ---   [**My wife tried to hide my daughter from me. Am I wrong to feel this angry?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/bty3oi/my_wife_tried_to_hide_my_daughter_from_me_am_i/) - 28 May 2019 My wife and I are married together and have three kids (11, 8, 3). When I was in my 20s I donated sperm as there is a massive shortage in my country (I literally donated after reading about this shortage in the newspaper). I've always been upfront about this fact with me wife. Always. And she has always said she's okay with it. Fast forward to yesterday I answer the phone to a girl that immediately starts nervously apologising for calling me, but that she "had to speak with me personally." Obviously I have no idea what the fuck is going on, so I ask her to explain what she's talking about. Turns out this girl is my daughter (I understand it's wrong to call her my daughter when I didn't raise her, but for lack of a better word...) and just turned 18. After turning 18 she got access to my contact details as required under my country's law regarding sperm donors. She called my house last week to talk to me and my wife picked up. Apparently my wife told her that I wanted "nothing to do with her" and that she should "never call this number again" before hanging up. Honestly broke my heart to hear that the woman I loved could be so fucking heartless. So for the last week this poor girl has been crying her eyes out trying to work up the courage to call again, and thankfully she did so when I was home. I tried to keep my calm while on the phone and reassure her that I did not say any of that. We organised a place/time to meet, and as soon as my wife got home later that night I blew up at her. Honestly, I've NEVER yelled at anyone as long as I can remember, but I couldn't hold it in. Am I wrong to think that's so severely fucked up of my wife to do? I honestly can't comprehend how she could say that. I'm not thinking straight and need some advice on how to deal with this.   [**[update] My wife tried to hide my daughter from me. Am I wrong to feel this angry?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/bv0pmy/update_my_wife_tried_to_hide_my_daughter_from_me/) - 31 May 2019 Hesitant to post an update after how infuriating some of the replies in the previous thread were, but figure I owe it to those of you that offered genuine well meaning advice. Plus I've had some time to calm down. I probably wont reply to comments because otherwise I'm just going to get worked up again by people saying my wife didn't betray my trust etc. If you're a woman and are going to say it's "understandable" what my wife did, then consider how you'd feel if you put a kid up for adoption when you were young, that kid tried to reach out when they turned 18... And your husband told them you wanted nothing to with them without ever telling you they tried to reach out. It's not "understandable". -------------------- Wife texted me yesterday and said we "needed to talk" while I was at work. This was the first time either of us had spoken or messaged each other since the fight. I dropped our kids off at my parents' house so we could be alone and went straight home. I'm not sure exactly what I was expecting her to say, but I genuinely hoped she would at least apologise first and foremost. Because in my opinion she severely betrayed my trust by not only denying my agency, but also lying to me about it, and then downplaying the entire ordeal. When I get home and we sit down to talk the first thing she says is that she "forbids" me from seeing this young woman. Not an apology. An ultimatum that if I went and saw her, she would kick me out of the house (which is laughable considering I owned the house before marrying her...) I asked her if she was serious. If she isn't even going to apologise etc, and she reaffirmed she has nothing to apologise for. Yeah, okay. At this point I remembered someone's comment in that post about how she might have done this before. I asked her if she has ever done anything like this previously and she said no. I kept pushing her and she kept saying no. Finally I told her that I had already called the fertility clinic to reach out to any parents and explain what my wife had done in case they had tried to contact me previously (not sure what has come of that yet). I explain that if I find out she has and she doesn't come clean now, I'm divorcing her immediately. She immediately changes tune and says she has "only" done it one other time. "Only". Fuck, that "only" infuriated me even though it's just a god damn word. Anyway turns out another girl called a couple years back after she turned 18 too. Her parents are lesbians and so she just wanted to meet her biological father since she doesn't have a father of her own (according to my wife, so take it with a grain of salt at this point). I tend to believe what she's saying, as the original girl also has lesbian parents and wanted to meet me for the same reason. She wouldn't say **exactly** what she said to this young women, but she did say she made sure she'd stay away from our family. I mean, at least my wife was finally honest with me, but Jesus Christ what a fucking heartless thing to do. I feel like I don't even know my wife. The woman I thought I married had some fucking empathy. She still hasn't apologised and goes back to "forbidding" me from seeing this young woman. I explained she no longer has a say in the matter. Had she explained her concerns to me like an adult, I would have listened to them and taken them seriously. But by trying to deny me having any choice in the matter, and for being needlessly cruel to these girls, she doesn't get a say in this anymore. I told her she has 7 days to give me a genuine apology and agree to marriage counselling, or I would call a divorce lawyer. I also reaffirmed she doesn't get a say in whether I meet with this girl, but I would consider her feelings if any future kids reach out (and she doesn't fucking lie about it). A few hours later she "apologised". I say "apologised" in quotes because it was clearly not genuine. But whatever, it's at least an admission of guilt. So we're going to to marriage counselling and try to work through this. Tbh though, I don't think I'll ever see her the same way again. So I have doubts our marriage will last.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zdmgwo/my_wife_tried_to_hide_my_daughter_from_me_am_i/

zdmgwo

TIFU by drunk texting my crush [With update three years later]

CONCLUDED

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/gigglyfrosting in r/tifu** Trigger warning: Funny **[TIFU by drunk texting my crush](https://old.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/eg3efi/tifu_by_drunk_texting_my_crush/)** Posted Dec. 27Th 2019 I just woke up to the bunch of texts I might have sent my crush last night while I was drunk, and he didn't reply yet, and uhm, how bad do you expect things to go? This was what I texted him: (rectified the grammatical errors to make this sound more coherant.) "I might be quite drunk. I mean I must be, I just had loads of beers, more than my system could handle. And I just want to tell you that I like you, although I tried so hard to make myself believe that I don't, because when my stupid mind realises how I feel, it turns me into this super weird version of myself, it's like being lactose intolerant and drinking a whole big jar of milk, and I didn't want you to see me like that, because then it would ruin the whole thing. So I tried to be your friend, and now we're friends and we have so much in common and its going so well so far, but I think the beers spilled the beans to my mind and now I'm texting you that I like you. Hehe. Oops." Yes I ended that with a ''hehe. oops" I want the ground to swallow me up. P.S: One week ago he texted me something extremely random, irrelevant to our last conversation, while he was high, and when I asked him about it he said he doesn't know, so do you think this settles the record? (I know it doesn't, but I'm trying to make it seem like I'm not the only idiot in this, mind you.) P.S2: Will delete this later because he's on reddit too. TL;DR I drunk texted my crush that I liked him. **[TIFUpdate by drunk texting my crush](https://old.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/eg89rd/tifupdate_by_drunk_texting_my_crush/)** Posted Dec. 27Th 2019 Late update to my last tifu! He texted me back ''Sounds like we also have texting our crushes while being out of it in common" So I said "So we have being idiots in common, too" and he said "Yes, although I can't compete with the drunk you. Too cute, I can't even." He suggested we'd go for sushi after lecture, and everything is going well. Amazingly well, actually. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR COMMENTS, I'M EXTREMELY HAPPY RIGHT NOW, so I thought I'd come back and share my joy with everyone. Also, on a side note, and as you all have told me, life is too short not to drunk text your crush while you're knocked out by beer. Do it. Always. Stimulate your inner genius. P.S: The only drawback I could mention, is that he just said "Hey there, lactose intolerance" when he picked up my phone call, so that'll probably stick with me for quite a while. Awesome. TL;DR HE'S INTO ME TOO **[TIFUpdate by drunk texting my crush, THREE YEARS LATER!](https://old.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/z5dvj9/tifupdate_by_drunk_texting_my_crush_three_years/)** Posted Nov. 26Th 2022 A very late update to my tifu I made three years ago! I'm writing this post to eternalize this moment on reddit as today is my wedding day to the same guy I drunkly correlated liking him to having a lactose intolerance. I rushed to reddit to be reassured about my dumb ass move and all of you have been so supportive and have even asked for an update! The past three years were really really great in a broad way, it wasn't perfect, and we had our ups and downs but I'm genuinely happy right now! I'm glad I fucked up, and I wish for all of you to fuck up and to keep fucking up despite how awful it might turn out (okay to some limit, I mean) Also, he told me that he requested that they would write "Happy wedding day to us Lactose Intolerance! Hey don't write that, her name is Alex", on our wedding cake. Will post pictures if that turns out to be true lol. Also Bojack Horseman reference in case no one noticed. TLDR: IM GETTING MARRIED **Reminder - I am not the OP** **OP here. I would like to that all the kind Redditors who gave me awards. It's much appreciated.**

Internal_Ranger3351

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zdpw2g/tifu_by_drunk_texting_my_crush_with_update_three/

zdpw2g

Parents and Entitled Brother Who Cannot Handle Birthday Parties (+ other stories)

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[removed]

opinionswelcomehere

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zdum32/parents_and_entitled_brother_who_cannot_handle/

zdum32

Woman Wants Her Nephews Out Of Her Life (Nov 27, '22 AITAH)

ONGOING

Originally posted by u/disguntledbbsitter in r/aitah on Nov 27, '22, updated Nov 28. Trigger Warning: >!Homophobia, rape, assault!< [Original Post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/z6bwr0/aita_for_refusing_to_have_anything_to_do_with_my/) AITA for refusing to have anything to do with my sister’s kids anymore? So, my [32F] sister [27F] has two boys [12M and 9M] that my parents and sometimes me offer to help take care of because my sister ended having them way too young and both for… tragic reasons that she and her boys are taking therapy for. But I personally can’t stand these two boys because of how they treat me and everyone else so cruelly, while pretending to be nice around my parents and my sister; both being a terror for reasons below: 12M is a social bully, and a particularly sexist one at that. He’s more harsher to women by making more “honest” comments about women and likes to point out “differences” between men and women in social standards; but he mostly likes to belittle people regardless of gender and seems to enjoy making people angry or cry. He also gets into trouble a lot with his comments, and some of it even bordering criminal as well, but he’s so good at hiding and explaining his behaviors that he ends up getting away scot-free or having very minor punishments. 9M is more a physical terror. He’s so emotional unstable (which my family somehow excuses it as “temper tantrums”) and just a physical threat in general. He’s usually so angry and mostly screams at people whenever he gets mad at something. He even goes as far as to hurt other people (and even goes as far as animals too) mostly indirectly-by either throwing stuff NEAR their general direction (and sometimes at them) or to do things like punching and kicking things around him whenever he gets in a “mood.” My final straw for both of them is when 12M decided to act homophobic toward me when he found out that I was dating a woman when I introduced her to the family by burning a rainbow flag in front of us, and 9M (who was angry for us for some reason) decided to swing the burning flag AT US which caused me and my now ex-GF some minor first degree burns from the attack. After this incident, I told my family that I was done with the boys and I refuse to have anything to do with them any more after this, because of how much of a menace they are to me. However, my family thinks that I’m being too cruel because the boys are just children who needs people to love and guide them. My sister, in particular, is upset about this because she sees this as potential abandonment from her and her boys; and try to reason that, like us, the boys are also going through a mentally rough time and abandoning them is going to cause them more mental harm. My friends, to an extend, agrees with my family but also states that they understand why I would want some time off. So they have been very neutral about the whole thing. *Notable Comments:* >NTA. You are not required to set yourself on fire (or be set on fire) for these two monsters. They are a danger to society and I would report what they did to the police and CPS. I am sure that your ex-GF would back you reporting it to the authorities. The time has come to have the authorities start building a record of the criminal and dangerous activities. Better to deal with the authorities now then when they both reach legal age. There are most likely prison cells awaiting them in their future. >Your sister is going to continue to cover for them which will enable their behavior to grow worse. They will grow big enough that your family will not be able to physically handle them. >I would make it clear in writing to your family that the boys are not ever allowed on your home again. Furthermore, you will never attend any family function that they are at ever again. >You might want to warn any other family members if they are not aware of the full extent of their behavioral issues. >I would go NC with your parents and sister because they will be your nephews flying monkeys. Protect yourself and live your best life. >>Does that not count as like a hate crime and assault?? I'm surprised everyone is okay with that! That's awful! You're not an ah at all. Honestly, if the family is okay with this behavior and thinks nothing wrong I would cut contact with them! *Lots of comments saying this is assault, contact the police, contact CPS, contact the kids therapist* [Update 1 day later ](https://www.reddit.com/user/disguntledbbsitter/comments/z7miaq/update_aita_for_refusing_to_have_anything_to_do/) I just wanted to apologize for not being able to respond to any of the comments so far, because I’ve honestly been so busy and tired with dealing with the aftermath of the situation that just happened. And I feel like I should also give more details/background story about the whole situation. When I meant that the boys came from tragic backgrounds… well, it’s because they did: 1) Her oldest son, the 12 year old (or 12M as I’ll call him), is undoubtedly the favorite of her two sons. 12M was a result of my sister accidentally getting pregnant at the age of 14-year-old freshman when her 17-year-old senior boyfriend persuaded her to sleep with him. When he found out that she was pregnant with 12M, he basically rejected his own son and even went as far as to try to emancipate his rights to be the father of the child… which he actually succeeded when he turned 18 when he was no longer under his parent’s legal control and basically left and ghosted her immediately afterwards. Afterwards, her ex-BF’s parents did end up taking custody of 12M, but they basically ended up trying their best to actively bar my sister from trying to see her son, which results in a really intensive custody battle between my sister’s ex-BF’s parents vs my parents, sister, and even me. It took about 8 years of some hard-earned fighting, but my family was eventually able to win custody after too many cases of her ex-BF’s father’s physical abuse of the boy which he tried to claim was “discipline” and try to excuse himself that it’s not bad because her ex-BF’s father’s an “traditional old man” and that he never fished out anything “that the boy couldn’t take.” Which, obviously, doesn’t fly in the eyes of the court. But I really believe that the abuse that that he experienced from his paternal side of the family really messed him up and ended up turning him into the way that he is now. 2) As far as her 9-year-old son (whom I will call 9M), my sister has a more complicated relationship with him due to the nature of how he was born. 9M was born out of an unfortunate event that happened during my sister’s senior prom where she ended up drinking too much to the point where she passed out… and was basically taken advantage of and gang-banged by a bunch of her male classmates when she wasn’t conscious; and only ended up finding about this when someone showed her a video of her… basically getting raped by a bunch of men. Of course, with the video as proof, my family was able to press charges against all of the male classmates that we could recognize in the video (and even a few who wasn’t all that recognizable but was “outed” by fellow peers), and many of them are even in prison for sexual assault as well. But as a result, my sister was severely traumatized by the whole thing, and it was made even worse when she found out that she was pregnant with 9M. We never ended up finding out who his biological father was, because my sister couldn’t handle the trauma of her rape as well as not wanting to know who he might be. And so, because of the whole circumstances, my younger sister really had a difficult time even looking or loving 9M at first; although now, she’s doing better about it since my sister claiming that 9M slowly looking more like the rest of our family is somehow helping her disassociate 9M from the tragedy that happened- in addition to my sister and 9M going to therapy together as well. However, I really think that 9M may still have some leftover issues over the fact that his mother originally had a difficult time loving him IN ADDITION to my sister seemingly loving 12M “more” since my sister spend so long and more time trying to get custody of 12M more than spending time with 9M at first. Now back to present time, I did end up taking some of your guy’s advice and ended up contacting my ex-GF again to both apologize and see if we can file a police report against the boys… although I was surprised that not only did she end up already filing one against the boys, but also one against ME and the rest of the family for supposedly being an “accomplice” to the crime. This is also mixed in with my family getting mad at me for both the charges that my ex-GF is pressing AND at me for even considering pressing charges against the boys myself. With them saying that they are so angry and disappointed in me for getting them into trouble by me introducing such an “evil person” like my ex-GF who is pressing charges against them and at me for considering pressing charges against (gasps) children? They have also stated that they are even willing to consider completely disown me -including in the will and all- if this whole thing ends up with my family losing custody of the kids. So, now with me having to deal with the charges myself from my ex-GF who is reasonably mad that I ended up getting her hurt along with my family blaming me for causing them so much trouble…Yeah, everything sucks and I am just so tired right now. I’ll probably give an update later after everything settles down, but that’s it for now.

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ze44cz/woman_wants_her_nephews_out_of_her_life_nov_27_22/

ze44cz

OP Finally Has F*ck You Money & Uses It For Good (May 17, '22)

CONCLUDED

Originally posted by u/miteconomicsphd in r/TrueOffMyChest on May 17, '22 [Original post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/urnrsr/i_finally_have_fuck_you_money_and_it_feels_good/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) I finally have 'fuck you' money and it feels good!!! Not "F--k Off" money, but definitely "F--K YOU" money. I debated posting this because so many people are hurting right now. But I can't tell anyone else. I'm busting to tell someone. I'd like to thank my PHD professors who pushed me to buy crypto back in 2014. I purchased a few thousand crypto coins and tucked the wallet away in a safe. Prior to last week, I did not touch this wallet since late 2015. Over the past two weeks I sold all my crypto. I just wanted out. We are struggling to keep up with daycare costs, which keep increasing, and my wife hates her career. She wants to spend more time with the kids. Our mental health and marriage was going downhill as we balance two high demand careers with raising kids. I told her I had this wallet but I had NO idea what the value was until it all sold. She about passed out when I told her to open our bank account app. I just sat in my office and cried. All the financial stress leaving my body. Money will never be an issue again. Our CPA has carved out taxes already and our financial advisor is setting up our kids future. He's also set up our retirement and paying off all our debts (we have minimal). It was important that at least 25% (if not more) of it goes to help people in our community. So our CPA is working on that carve out as well. Ever since I met my wife (2015) she has talked about working for a charity. She is literally glowing at all the prospects of helping people. One of the first things she said when she saw the balance was "do you have any idea how many people we can help?" I'm so excited to see her excited again. I'm also excited for what she will accomplish. As for my job, I'm a tenured professor so I already had minimal fucks to give. This just erased any final fucks that may be lingering around. I should note that per my financial advisor I did keep 200 coins in crypto. We are typically conservative spenders. I think the only thing that will really change is that we can finally afford to travel as a family (three kids) and we can afford to bring a nanny along as well. This will allow mom and dad to escape when we need too. We are so lucky. UPDATE: RIP my inbox. Thanks all. I don't want to get into the details on the crypto, although it appears I had some dates off. First purchases were back in 2011, last purchase early 2015. I don't want to give anymore details than that since crypto is gambling. I was just lucky. Also, yes I sold in a crypto dip, which is why my advisor has me holding coins. I really felt like my family was going down a spiral. We needed some relief. We don't need to be 'fuck you' rich, we just needed to be financially secure. My advisor and CPA helped me with my decision. It was well thoughtout. The opportunity cost of holding (marriage, kids, mental health, etc.) was too high. I left a lot of money on the table but I'm okay with that. Also, today, we paid off all the student lunch debt at our local school system. It wasn't much at all, but we heard some kids were being denied lunch because of debt. *This was a short update, but seeing that they paid off all the student lunch debt for their local schools gave me hope for humanity and wanted to share it*

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ze5bh3/op_finally_has_fck_you_money_uses_it_for_good_may/

ze5bh3

OOP - my (now ex) girlfriend deleted my 3+ yr minecraft world.

CONCLUDED

I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/dontknowndontcare in r/trueoffmychest. Trigger Warnings - >!abuse, stalking!< Mood Spoiler - >!he gets it back!< [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yxj5bm/my_now_ex_girlfriend_deleted_my_3_yr_minecraft/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (17 Nov 22) **my (now ex) girlfriend deleted my 3+ yr minecraft world** titles says it but i just need to talk about it that minecraft world was so op and had so much building in it that reminded me of my dear friend that passed of cancer last year who would play with me on that world. that world had so much special memories to me. and it was gone in seconds. i never cried much but this made me cry. me and my friend worked so much to get where we were. we build the most stupidest shit and had so much fun in the mix. and it was over because a stupid disagreement me and my ex had. i broke up with her on the spot. i miss my pal and that world was honestly the only thing i had left of him >!it'd be repetitive to post the other update if i post the entire original post w the edits so I've cropped the original post!< [Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yxyv15/update_my_now_ex_girlfriend_deleted_my_3_yr/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (19 Nov 22) **"(update) my (now ex) girlfriend deleted my 3+ yr minecraft world** hey everyone i want to say something before i get to what this post is baout. thank yall for feeling the pain i do and trying to help me. now for the update; my ex texted me after i kicked her out telling me how sorry she is for doing that, how petty she was and how much she didnt mean to do that and wanted to get back together. i told her that i will never forgive her for what she did and the pain she caused and i will never get back together and then i blocked her. we were together for only a few months and she knew how much that world meant to me. and i do us pc so i am going to do what yall had said to do and try to get my world back. also i havent ever thought about deleting that world, more so when my friend died because blood sweat and actully tears went to that world, it was my safe spot with my friend i knew him for nearly 6 years and was there when he found out he had cancer. he was a friend and my brother and he was always so happy and joyful and that world proved how much he was has a person. i got drunk and went to his grave and cried my heart out. thank yall so very much for the help. i will update if it works. again thank all of yall for understanding how much this means. Edit/update; from the help of a lot of people on reddit i got my world back. i owe a lot ot the people that helped and everyone else <3 edit; she wasnt living with me but found the og post, cussed me out. had her friend telling me how shitty i am. came to my apartment to scream at me, woken everyone up on my floor. tried to hit me and tell the cops i hit her but thankfully the lady next to me saw everything. so yeah pretty damn nuts for the pass day didn think she was crazy edit; i saw my story on tik tok today and a lot of people seemed to say the same thing "should have backed up your world"... i never though of ever deleting that world- like ever. i didnt make a back up for that reason because again- i never thought of deleting to world- so just try to understand why. other than that i died laughing at some of the comments like one guy said "she going to see your friend" yall funny has hell for that- was fucked up but i gotta give it to that person. other than that people were pretty nice and showing support and being nice but seriously thanks everyone:) [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yz61nr/another_update_to_my_now_ex_girlfriend_deleted_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (19 Nov 22) **(another) update to my (now ex) girlfriend deleted my 3+ yr minecraft world** hey everyone its me again lol. so i have to get a restraining order against my ex now. she followed me while i was taking my dogs for a walk(which is around an hour) came to my apartment again- to return hoodies she poured glitter on and ripped up. and also put a note say how a shitty person like me needs their shitty things back(the hoodies are replaceable) and told my friends i cheated with my best pals wife(my pals trans and his wife doesnt like cis men) so yeah this might be the last time i update for a bit im staying at my parents place for a a couple of days while things get situated and having a good friend of mine stay at my apartment and watch over my dogs(im sad i couldnt bring them) so to my ex if your seeing this you brought this on YOURSELF. i was nice enough but you crossed lines. edit: hey peoples back for a little bit. so the court date is monday im finally getting that done with and nothing much had happened. im back home for today to get my dogs then go back to my parents house for thanksgiving. anyways stay safe out there everyone:) [Update 3](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/z7lc48/final_update_my_gf_deleted_my_3_yr_minecraft_world/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (29 Nov 22) **(final update) my gf deleted my 3+ yr minecraft world** hey everyone this is gonna be my final update to this but shit hit the fan. so firstly i want to say sorry these past few weeks have been crazy including the holiday which was amazing (hope urs was too) but my ex is in jail for the next 6 months and she was found to have stalked her other exs too. somehow one of her exs found me and wanted to talk so we did, same thing happened to him only worse(she destroyed his tv and trashed his house) we even ended up becoming friends so yeah hope everyones doing good and thanks for helping me :) **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ze8v0x/oop_my_now_ex_girlfriend_deleted_my_3_yr/

ze8v0x

AITA For Not Wanting To Name My Child After My Late Husband?

REPOST

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/stn0071 in r/amitheasshole** trigger warnings: >!death, alcohol addiction!< ---   [**AITA For Not Wanting To Name My Child After My Late Husband?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ozpq71/aita_for_not_wanting_to_name_my_child_after_my/) - 7 August 2021 Me (31) and my current husband (35) recently found out that we were expecting twin boys, and my first husband's mother is livid that we aren't naming one of them after her son. A little background. My first husband (Michael) and I were college sweethearts. We got married not long after graduation, and I thought I would be with him for the rest of my life. Unfortunately, we were only married for a couple of months before Michael passed away suddenly. It was one of the worst times in my life and I never thought that I would ever fall in love again, much less get married again or have a family. I remained very close with Michael’s mom, my MIL, and she was very supportive when I eventually started dating again. Not long after I met my current husband (John) I took him to her house so that they could meet. She was so excited to meet him and I remember going to the bathroom and crying tears of relief that she wasn’t angry at me for moving on. When John and I got married she was so happy for me, and on my wedding day, she took me aside and told me that she knew Michael was happy for me too. It meant so much to me to hear her say that. Earlier this year, John and I found out that we were pregnant. At first, MIL was ecstatic, making jokes about being a ‘bonus grandma’ and asking to help plan the gender reveal party and baby shower. But then when the subject of names came up, she was shocked that we weren’t planning to name the baby after Michael. I explained to her that if it was a boy, we were going to name him after John’s father. I could tell she wasn’t happy, but she seemed to accept it. Things took a turn for the worst after my twenty week ultrasound, when we found out that I was carrying twin boys. When I told her the news, she flat out told me that had to name one of the babies after Michael, or she would never forgive me. When I told her that we weren’t going to do that, she absolutely flipped, saying that I was betraying the memory of her son. I tried to make her understand that as much as I love and miss Michael, that chapter of my life is over, and I feel like it’s disrespectful to John to insist on naming one of his children after another man. At first John said that he would be fine with it, if it was what I wanted, but eventually he admitted that the idea made him uncomfortable. I never want to make my MIL think that I’ve forgotten Michael or that he wasn’t important to me, but I don't want to name one of my children after him either. And honestly, I don’t think he would have wanted me to. There are better ways of remembering him than giving his name to a child that will never have any real connection to him. I tried explaining this to MIL, but she just wouldn’t hear it. She told me that she would never speak to me again, if I didn’t name one the babies after her son. She’s been a really important part of my life, and I don’t want to lose her, but at the same time, I feel like she’s giving me an unfair ultimatum. AITA? Verdict: NTA **UPDATE** Wow!! Blown away by all the feedback and support. We are hosting in laws (John’s parents) so I can only add a short update for now but I promise to leave a longer one when they go home in a couple of days. For now I just want to address a few things I saw in the comments: A lot of you wanted clarification as to how long Michael has been gone— it will be ten years this Oct. (and no, Michael is not his real name. Any names that I’ve included in the post have been changed to protect anonymity.) A lot of you also wondered why I am still close with his mother after so long. I probably should have included this in the original post for context, but there are a couple of reasons for this. Michael was an only child and his father was never in the picture, and she has virtually no other family left besides a handful of cousins who live across the country. Over the years, she’s been by steadfast supporter, always the first to encourage me to live my life and be happy. Funnily enough, I might not have met John if it wasn’t for her. A friend of mine had set me up with him on a blind date, and I almost backed out. The only reason I didn’t was because my ex-MIL convinced me to go. Honestly she is the last person I ever would have expected this from, which is why I’ve found it so hard to deal with. A lot of you have said this is probably her being forced to finally deal with a lot of unprocessed grief and I think that’s probably true. I think at some point I stopped thinking of her as my MIL and started thinking of her as a friend. I thought that she’d come to think of me in the same way, but now I’m realizing that at least a part of her still sees me as Micheal’s wife. I am hopeful that we will find a way to work it out, but I am prepared to let her go if it comes to that, even though it would make me terribly sad. To those of you who said I should start putting up some boundaries with her, you’re probably right. I honestly though all of the ‘bonus Grandma’ jokes were harmless at first, but now I have started to think otherwise. I don’t want to make any rash decisions yet until we’ve both had a chance to calm down, but as things stand now, she has a lot of work to do in the way of regaining my trust. As to where I stand on the name issue, I am not going to name either of my children after Michael. For those of you who were worried I might cave on the issue, don’t be, it was never an option. I briefly considered doing something with a middle name, but ultimately decided against it. I don’t want to burden either of my children by naming them after a man they will never have any connection to. As to how we honor Michaels memory: every year, John and I go visit his grave on his birthday. It was actually John who started the tradition, the year we got engaged, and we haven’t missed a year since. Maybe someday when they’re old enough, we’ll take the boys. I don’t know how exactly, but I’m sure I’ll find a way to explain to them who Michael was and what he meant to me. For those of you who asked if this was having a negative impact on my marriage, the answer is no. John has been my rock through the entire pregnancy and his only concern during this ordeal has been my emotional well being. I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that if I wanted to name one of these babies after Michael, that he would let me and never say a word about it, no matter how much it hurt him. Which makes me even more determined not to cave on the issue because I refuse to repay his selflessness with selfishness. As to where things stand with ex-MIL and I, my SIL (brother’s wife) is good friends with her (they teach together at the same school) so right now she’s acting as a sort of go between. She says that she thinks ex-MIL is having a long over due emotional breakdown. We both agree that she has avoided fully processing her grief and now it’s all coming to a boiling point. She’s pushing hard to get her to see a therapist, and I’m hopeful that we can salvage a least some of our relationship. But if not, I’ll find a way to live with it. And finally, to the hand full of commenters who insinuated that I am still in love with Michael and that I’m not being fair to John, let me just say that until you’ve been in my shoes you won’t understand. Michael and I were very young when we got married. I loved him very much and he will always, always have a place in my heart, but John is absolutely the love of my life. It took me years of therapy, but I don’t feel guilty about it anymore. Thank you all so much for commenting and leaving your thoughts. It’s helped me so much to process things and sort out my emotions. Planning to see ex-MIL later this week after current in laws leave and I will be back with an update as soon as possible. **UPDATE 9/21:** I meant to do this sooner, but it has been a WILD month. As it turns out, carrying two human beings inside of you takes a bit of a toll, and lately, I've been feeling it. As of yesterday, I'm at 32 weeks which means we're officially out of the danger zone if the boys decide to come early, but hopefully they'll stay where they are for a little while longer. John and I were advised by a friend that we should give them names that mean something to us as a couple. So we decided to name them for our favorite Tom Hanks characters, as it was our mutual love of the actor that we first bonded over. (Hint: Neither of them will be named Forrest; one of them will be named after a character who starred alongside Meg Ryan.) Since I made this post, it has come to light that ex-MIL has a serious problem with alcohol. I never realized this before, because apparently, she was very good at hiding it. Also, I've been told that while she has been nothing but supportive and kind to my face, she has made some very unkind comments about me and John behind our backs. She's even told some people that I cheated on Michael (her son) with John, even though I didn't even meet him until several years after Michael died. We went NC two weeks ago, and it makes me very sad, because Michale adored his mother and it would break his heart to see her like this. Because as awful as she's been to me lately, I know it's just because she's in pain. Still, I know he would understand why I've decided to cut her out of my life. I truly hope that one day she'll heal and we can find a way to be friends again.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zec607/aita_for_not_wanting_to_name_my_child_after_my/

zec607

I (M24) found out my daughter isn't mine and I'm soon to wed my Fiance (25F)

INCONCLUSIVE

[removed]

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zeed84/i_m24_found_out_my_daughter_isnt_mine_and_im_soon/

zeed84

Parents and Entitled Brother Who Cannot Handle Birthday Parties (+ other stories) LONG - Part 1 of 2

INCONCLUSIVE

**\*\*I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Holden-Position-4 **in** r/entitledparents\*\*\*\*\*\*\* **trigger warnings:** >!violence, child abuse, self harm!< **mood spoilers:** >!frustrating!< # Post 1: [Parents decided to cancel my 14th birthday party to accommodate my spoiled younger brother. Reinstated it when I told everyone at school](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/um01xe/parents_decided_to_cancel_my_14th_birthday_party/) 09 May 2022 I'm 20m, and his happened when I was 14. I have a brother that's about six years younger than me. And he was extra coddled by my parents for having been diagnosed with high functioning autism when he was 4. But other than that he seems very normal, just unbelievably spoiled. And he used that to get his way a lot. And by a lot I mean nearly all the time. Anything I had, he also had to have. So that meant we had doubles of almost everything that wasn't shared items. And anything he had that I didn't, he'd rub in my face any way he could. When I was 11 I begged my parents for a 3DS for my 12th birthday. I got one, but then was told to lend it to my brother whenever he wanted it, or else I'd have it taken away. Which it was, a lot. When my aunt found out after seeing my parents forcibly take my 3DS out of my hands to give to my brother on one of her visits, she let loose on them for such blatant favoritism. They returned my 3DS immediately, then blamed me for the situation after my aunt left. But they didn't make me give it to my brother again. Instead my parents went out out a few days later and bought another 3DS as a surprise gift for my brother. On several of mine and other people's birthdays my brother made a huge fuss because the party wasn't all about him. Even going so far as to outright state that he was upset because he wasn't getting any gifts or getting to blow out the candles on the cake. My parents learned the hard way that they couldn't enable my brother the way they'd have liked at those parties. And were actually kicked out of a few for trying. And because of that, other kids at his school stopped inviting him to birthday parties altogether. For me, my birthdays were some of the only days I had that I got to have about me because otherwise my parents forced my life to revolve around my little brother. And the year prior to when this story took place, my parents ended up paying more attention to him the entire time of my 13th birthday. And even asked me if I'd let my brother blow out my candles for me because he was upset and pouting. I refused that because I wanted to blow out my own candles. They called me a spoiled brat at first, till my aunt intervened and chastised them on their favoritism yet again. And stated how much she had noticed how my brother gets nearly everything between the two of us just because he's autistic. My parents got no support from anyone else there other than my brother, who was still crying because he wasn't getting to blow out my candles. And because he didn't get his way, he tried to outright spit on my cake out of spite. But my awesome aunt thankfully blocked him before he got the chance. Then scolded him till he ran to my mom in tears. My parents took a lot of heat from the other adults there, and then promised to never ask me to let my brother blow out my candles again. But they pretty much just went through the motions for rest of the party. My aunt pretty much took over coordinating everything from that point. The following year a couple of weeks before my birthday my parents sat me down and told me they were still gonna get me some gifts and a small cake, but my birthday party was effectively canceled to avoid my brother having another meltdown. I told them I couldn't believe they were doing this to me, and they just seemed to shrug it off without a care. So at school over the next week I told my friends, my teachers, and even my school counselor. All of them were appalled by my parents' lack of consideration or empathy. The vice principal even found out and consoled me. And all of this got back to my parents through social media. My parents ended up grounding and gaslighting me for telling so many people. But that didn't stop me from still telling everyone at school that I was grounded for just being upset my birthday was canceled for no good reason. I guess that made it a lot worse because several of my parents' own friends along with parents to other kids in my school called them up or sent them FB messages basically saying "What the hell is wrong with you!". And suddenly I was un-grounded. I didn't get an apology either. My dad just walked into my room with his arms crossed, told me my grounding was over early, and then walked out. That was it. I thought my party was still canceled because nobody said anything about it. And my brother thought it hilarious and rubbed it in my face that I wasn't going to get to celebrate. But by the end of the two weeks my parents held a surprise party for me at my favorite restaurant. And then started claiming that was their intent all along. I knew it wasn't. From what I'd seen everyone was incredibly unhappy with them for what they did. And it showed with any interactions family members had with my parents. So they ended up doing the surprise party to try and save what little of their reputations they had left. But I'm pretty sure they had to pay through the nose that day to just accommodate me. I got dinner with all my friends at my favorite restaurant that had a small arcade. And even got the PS4 game system I'd been jonesing for at the time. I could tell it was all pretty much planned and bought last minute, because my dad had a look about him that my aunt comically described as looking like a moth had flown out of his wallet. My brother of course made a huge fuss that I got that surprise party. But with so many of my friends and their parents there, my mom and dad finally put their feet down on my brother to stop his tantrum when he wanted to push my cake off the table. My brother ended up getting a time out for the first time since he was a toddler, and my mom had to stay with him to make sure he didn't do anything crazy. And he did try several times to run to the cake or stack of presents. Who knows what he would have done were it not for the fact at least one adult was always on guard. Even my dad stood guard to keep him away. My mom ended up having to remove my brother and herself from the party entirely and took my little bro to a McDonalds nearby so he could have fun in their play area. And I heard later she spent at least an hour trying to get him to come out of the playplace tube structure. And he only did so because he had to use the bathroom, then tried to run right back in again. My parents never tried to cancel my birthday again while still I lived with them. Though they never again tried as hard or spent as much. For the remaining four years I was under their roof, my birthday parties consisted of a local pizza parlor, a cake without even my name written on it, and never again anything as expensive as a new gaming system. I don't mean to sound spoiled. But I was a bit disappointed I never got a cake with my name on it again. My aunt called my parents out on that each year, and each year they claimed they forgot to get the cake decorated. I'm pretty sure that the reason my name was never written on another cake was because my brother always refused to eat pieces of cake that had writing of someone else's name on it at any party. And they couldn't put his name on any of my cakes, or it would have looked very bad for them. But the fact that I still got a day that was just about me at all and not my brother was still fantastic in my book. Especially because just about everything else revolved around him. During each of my remaining birthday parties while still living at home my brother made a fuss, and my mom took him somewhere else to calm him down. I was still required to share my PS4 with my brother. But it was still mine. And I took it with me when I moved out at 18. Little bro did not like that, and had a huge fit till my parents went out and bought another PS4 for him. When I moved out they finally had to deal with how they'd raised my brother so spoiled because I wasn't there to help them with him anymore. On his recent 14th birthday he went mental on our parents for not getting him a PS5. He is now currently grounded for I don't know how long after causing hundreds or maybe even thousands in collateral damage during his rampage. He picked up a chair and just started destroying anything that was in front of him with it. And my parents just looked mentally checked out when I saw them last. My aunt has also told me they confided in her that they wish they could send my brother to military or boarding school in the future because they can't handle the monster they created anymore. But there's no way they can afford that. I'd be lying if I said I didn't find it ironically funny. Edit: Holy cow this blew up! I'd like to thank everyone who's commented and given me awards. It really means a lot to me. Thank you all so much! # Post 2: [When my parents were thrown out of a child's birthday party because they asked the stupidest thing imaginable](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/uwbd85/when_my_parents_were_thrown_out_of_a_childs/) 23 May 2022 For those who read my previous post about how my parents tried to cancel my 14th birthday, they knew very well what my brother was like during birthday parties that weren't his own. And they tried to enable his behavior in any way they could just because he's high functioning autistic. Well that rampant spoiling didn't go well with people outside of the family.... Like at all! This happened I think when my brother was around 6-7 years old. A neighbor boy down the street was having his birthday party. And my brother got invited because they were sorta friends. But probably because they knew my parents would bring a gift. And they did. Don't remember what it was though, nor do I really care. My parents dragged me along to this party, even though I'd have rather stayed home and played video games. I was bored and sitting down almost the entire time. So I got to witness pretty much the whole situation. It started when my brother was caught picking up gifts off the table and shaking them. The mother of the birthday boy told him to stop, and my parents tried to defend my brother and say he was harmless. But the lady knew what my brother was really like and had my parents move him away from the presents. There were some games that the kids were playing. Don't remember what they were. But I do remember my brother tried to be the center of attention as much as possible. With each game the birthday boy got first pick/turn on them all because it was his birthday. But my brother freaked out because he didn't get to be first. And my parents did ask the birthday boy's mother if my brother could get the first picks/turns. And the lady not only refused, but told my parents to get my brother under control or we'd all be asked to leave. Then came time for the cake. The mother lit the candles for the birthday boy and the adults started singing the "Happy Birthday" song. They only got as far as singing the birthday boy's name in the song before my brother burst into a tantrum at the table. He grabbed the side of the table and started trying to violently shake it. My parents had to hold my brother back for a moment. And then I saw my mother go up and talk to the mother of the birthday boy again about something. And the poor lady looked positively disgusted! And I learned later that she'd asked her to let my brother blow out the candles first and then they could redo it. The lady told my mother that it would be best if we left, and then they went back to trying to redo the birthday song. Well my brother couldn't take it and ran to the table and shoved the whole cake right at the birthday boy. I mean he used his arm to literally clothesline the cake and heave it right into that poor kid's face. The whole room was silent for a few seconds. And then a bunch of the kids started laughing. Then the birthday boy started crying. And the adults were all mortified. Except for my parents. My mother just started hugging my brother tightly and acting like a Karen by saying this could have been prevented if they'd just let my brother blow out the candles first. The mother of the birthday boy was cleaning up chocolate cake off her son and screamed at my parents to get out. The other kids there started crying because it'd finally hit them that now there was no cake. My mother started dragging my brother out, but he broke free of her and then pushed over the table with all the presents on it. I grabbed him and held him in a head lock till my parents grabbed him. I apologized profusely to the mother of the birthday boy and said I wasn't on my parents side in the matter. Yeah, that's right. Little 12 year old me had to apologize for my own parents. My dad yelled to me to get moving or I could walk home. I said I'd walk home. It was literally a quarter mile down the street. I stayed and helped clean up the mess my brother made. The lady thanked me and said that I was a good egg. But my brother was just rotten. Someone went out and got another cake while the birthday boy had to take a shower because he was covered in cake. All of the mess was cleaned up, and they redid the birthday song. After the party was over the mother of the birthday boy wrote something out on a piece of paper. It was a handwritten invoice to my parents for the destroyed cake, along with a written threat to call police as someone there with a camera caught everything. I handed the invoice to my parents and they really didn't look happy when they read it. Then they gave me the cash and told me to take it back to the lady. So I did. And that was pretty much it. Neither that kid, or his family ever associated with my brother or my parents ever again. But the messed up thing is that at another birthday party months later, the same situation nearly repeated entirely. My mother asked the parents to let my brother blow out the candles first. Gave BS excuses as to why. And they outright refused and my mother acted like a total Karen. My brother tried to knock down the cake, I was on guard and intercepted him. Then we were told to leave. It was after that my brother was no longer invited to birthday parties that were not relatives. And then on my next birthday in that same year when I turned 13, my parents tried to get me to let my brother blow out my candles. And my aunt tore into them for that. It was then I guess that my parents decided that if I couldn't share, then next year I shouldn't have a party at all. And any previous readers know how that turned out. [Story 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/um01xe/parents_decided_to_cancel_my_14th_birthday_party/) # Post 3: [My parents enabled my little brother's minibike mayhem. With MY minibike!](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/v7n9tb/my_parents_enabled_my_little_brothers_minibike/) 08 Jun 2022 When I was 17, I bought a used minibike and used it to get to and from a part time job. Those who've read my previous posts know what my little brother is like. The boy my parents extra coddled because he was diagnosed as high functioning autistic. And ANYTHING I had, my brother had to have too. And if I refused to give it, my parents generally took it. At least until that behavior was exposed to the public when my parents tried to cancel my 14th birthday. After that my parents stopped forcing me to give my stuff to my brother whenever he wanted it. And that led to some extra huge tantrums from him. My brother would look for things around the house to throw to the floor and break. Usually dishes. My parents actually stocked up on plates from second hand stores because of that. When I got the minibike, my brother was upset I wouldn't ever let him ride it. But he's destructive with all his stuff. Every time he broke his BMX, I'm the one who had to fix it. Change a flat, new pedals, new tire, new handlebars, new brake line, etc. He's got a stunt BMX that he begged for. And my parents spent hundreds on it. But as much as he loves it, he never fixes it himself or properly takes care of it. Just calls me over begging me to fix it. My parents got him the parts and have the tools, but he never bothers to do anything more than pump up a tire. And even then he usually tries to get someone to do it for him. He's also very careless in where he leaves the bike. He left it in a neighbor's driveway and it's handlebars got run over by the neighbor's van. He somehow destroyed the pedals and a new pair had to be put on. He broke the rear brake line while having a tantrum too. The tire was understandable though since those wear out. But it wasn't hard to swap it, and I shouldn't have had to come over on a Saturday to do it when my brother is perfectly capable of doing it himself. So damn right I'm not letting him take my minibike on a joyride. Especially with gas prices being so high these days. The minibike gets like 60 mpg. So what that it only goes 40 mph. I only have a five mile commute anyway. About a month before my brother's 14th birthday, my parents called me begging me to come over and fix the BMX again. Little bro had worn the rear tire down to it's threads. I was annoyed, but I came over anyway because they offered to pay me. I swapped the tire, and sat down for a bottled water because it was like 100 degrees that day. My brother watched me work on the bike till I was done. His helmet was on, so I figured he was just waiting to go riding on his bike. But the moment my back was turned I heard my minibike start up outside and then take off. Little bro took off like a rocket down the street on it before I could get out of the garage. I freaked out, but my parents tried to play it off. Though when I didn't placate them, they said they'd get my minibike back right away. But for them that was more like just waiting till my brother came back with it. I was annoyed, and I wanted to call the police. But I'm not sure if they'd call it a domestic issue or not. My brother finally came back an hour later. He'd somehow not crashed. But the moment he saw me, he took off again! He drove the bike till it ran out of gas and my parents had to go get him. To say I was furious was an understatement. But my parents basically rolled their eyes, handed me $40 and claimed it wouldn't happen again. I said it better not, or I'd call the cops next time. Not sure if it'd help, but they seemed to take my warning. I had to push my minibike to the nearest gas station to fill up before I could go home. Before I left I told my parents that if my brother wants a minibike so bad, then they should get him one. But then they pulled a 180 and said he wasn't ready to have one because it's a big responsibility, and that it was too dangerous because it's practically a motorcycle. I mean really?! They just let him steal mine for like two hours to go joyriding to god knows where, and they don't want to get him one themselves?! Whatever. I'm used to their hypocrisy by now. The last time I went to my parents' house, my brother was massively grounded and in his room for his birthday rampage I mentioned in my first post. But just to be sure, I pulled the spark plug wire off my bike before I entered the house. My brother was glaring at me from his window when I left. I just gave him a goofy wave and drove off. # Post 4: [I suggested to my parents that they sell a bunch of my brother's stuff to get some of their money back for his rampage. They did not hesitate. But wait, there's more](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/vlknrj/i_suggested_to_my_parents_that_they_sell_a_bunch/) 26 Jun 2022 Well a while ago someone here commented the idea that my parents should sell a bunch of my brother's stuff. So I talked to my parents about how they could probably recoup some of their losses from the birthday rampage by selling a lot of my brother's stuff. I was surprised by how readily they agreed it was a good idea. I mean it was like a lightbulb moment for them. Then over the weekend they had a big garage sale. They sold my brother's bike, his video game systems, everything! I went to help out with the sale and could hear my brother crying in his room. All of the video game systems he had were sold. And I mean there was a lot of them. He had a Gamecube, a WII, a 3DS, A Switch, PS2, PS3, PS4, XBOX 360, XBOX 1, and a ton of games for them all. And they sold ALL of them! I was pretty tempted to buy something from the sale myself. But I knew if my brother were to be made aware that I had something he used to own, who knows what he might do. So I held back. The bike alone went for $30. They also sold his TV, his RC cars, his drone, and pretty much anything else electronic he owned. They are in the process of selling his gaming PC online now as well. There's a cheap laptop too. But it was mainly used for school, and he was denied access to it for anything else. My parents told me that my brother's room had been stripped of everything but the essentials. While I was visiting during the sale, my brother walked out of his room once, saw me, and then ran back into his room crying loudly. I know fake crying from him when I hear it. And it was as fake as it gets. My parents know this too, and have not fallen for his game. I asked them if he was going to be sent to therapy. And they said they really have no choice but to to that. And they fully admitted this was all their fault for enabling him for so long. I could have rubbed it in their faces. But I think the look they saw on my face was enough that they understood. For the past several years they'd been in progressively worse and worse denial about their bad parenting. Friends and family have been telling them for a long time now that they went way too far spoiling my brother. And that not only would it come back on them one day. But it'd also mean that my brother may be incapable of functioning as an adult. And if that's the case, he'd expect someone to provide for his every need forever. And I would not become his caretaker when they become too old. My brother hadn't shown much improvement over the next few weeks. He was still being a brat, fake crying, getting into more trouble, and even stole another kid's cellphone at school. He was caught playing on it in his closet. And my parents had to return it to the school to find out who it belonged to. Last week I had an idea and suggested a family intervention. My parents were hesitant when I brought it up. But they reluctantly agreed to it. I'm sure their hesitation was because an intervention would put them on the spot along with my brother. Then on the next possible day all close family and some friends could gather at my parents' house, we formed a circle of chairs in the living room. Initially without my brother in the room. My aunt spoke first. And oh boy did she let them have it. She'd written an entire speech that we all silently listened to. My parents tried to interject from time to time, but were silenced. When it came to be my turn to speak, I also read a speech I composed. Basically repeating everything I've told on Reddit thus far, and plenty more. My grandparents went next, and it just sort of followed down the line from there. My mother was in tears. And my father just held her. They both apologized to me heavily, and said they were terrible parents. And that they ruined my childhood. I'll never get that back. My aunt loudly stated that it should not have come to this for them to realize their own hypocrisy. And from now on they needed to do better, not only for my sake, but especially for the sake of my brother so he can grow up normal. My brother was brought into the room next. And he was seated away from my parents because my mother would have an urge to coddle him when he was upset. It didn't take long for the family to lay into my brother. He tried fighting us a lot. But when excuses like "If only they just let me have my way" were about all he could say, we all let him have it about how that's not how the world works. He tried getting help from our mother. But she refused to look at him. He started huffing and acting like he was hyperventilating. Then intentionally fell to the floor. It's not the first time he's done this. My aunt just told him to stop milking it and get up. He screamed at her that we were all ruining his life. And he wishes we were all dead. My parents were horrified. My brother refused to get up off the floor and kept breathing heavily to pretend to have some sort of attack. So everyone just left him laying their while they each said their piece about why they were there to him. He screamed at random a few times. But didn't move from where he'd laid down. Eventually everyone started leaving. And my parents had to actually drag my brother back to his room because he refused to get up off the floor. He's not used to people having no sympathy for him. Especially from our parents. This is gonna be a long uphill battle. My aunt has offered to chip in for therapy, and my parents have taken her up on it. Lets hope therapy does my brother some good. Edit: Context, some have been asking what happened with my brother's birthday rampage. Well to put it simply, he didn't get a PS5, so he went mental with a chair and destroyed whatever he could with it. Which was finally the breaking point for my parents and they grounded him severely. If ya'll want any more details on what happened, just look at my prior posts. ​ **\*\*Reminder - I am not the original poster.\*\*** **Part 2 linked** [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zeeuxg/parents_and_entitled_brother_who_cannot_handle/)

opinionswelcomehere

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zeeuvj/parents_and_entitled_brother_who_cannot_handle/

zeeuvj

Parents and Entitled Brother Who Cannot Handle Birthday Parties (+ other stories) LONG - Part 2 of 2

INCONCLUSIVE

**\*\*I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Holden-Position-4 **in** r/entitledparents\*\*\*\*\*\*\* **trigger warnings:** >!violence, child abuse, self harm!< **mood spoilers:** >!frustrating!< **Post 1 linked** [**here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zeeuvj/parents_and_entitled_brother_who_cannot_handle/) # Post 5: [My spoiled brat brother has finally been allowed some privileges. And he hates them](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/w34s88/my_spoiled_brat_brother_has_finally_been_allowed/) 19 Jul 2022 Since the family intervention, my parents have kept my brother in check. And they are doing ok in terms of making up for years of treating me like crap. They've even promised to host my next birthday, and have my favorite cake with my name on it. My brother did overhear this because my parents had him doing dishes in the kitchen, and he just stopped what he was doing and went right to his room. No fake crying, just a complete shutdown. He still glares at me from his window every time I leave when I come to visit. A little while ago my parents have allowed my brother some privileges for good behavior. Though to my brother they're basically the opposite of anything he'd like. My parents decided that he could have a little fun for good behavior. So my dad dug out his old N64 and Gameboy Color from the 90s. He still had most of his old games for both systems, and also had an old CRT TV to hook them up to. When they were offered to my brother, he just complained that they were old and boring. My dad just said he could suit himself then, and go back to reading. Took one night before my brother was begging to have the old 90s game systems. He used to have many game systems, a gaming PC, and even a gaming chair with bluetooth speakers on it. Now all he has is a folding chair or his bed to sit on when gaming. I came by for a visit around the time he first got the N64 because my parents wanted to have me over for dinner, and I got to see my brother in his room yelling at the old CRT TV while playing Mario 64. He really wasn't happy. Especially since he couldn't even go online to check for guides, walkthroughs, or cheat codes. For the Gameboy Color, I saw he had some Pokemon games, and at least one Donkey Kong. My dad has said that if my brother is extra good by the end of the summer, they'll upgrade him to a Gameboy Advance. My parents quickly realized though that the Gameboy Color would eat AA batteries, so my brother has to use a power cord for it now. And he does play it. Maybe because he used to have a phone in his hands playing app games so much. Because my brother likes cycling, but no longer owns a bike since our parents sold it, he was without an outlet to exercise. My dad found a used exercise bike on FB Marketplace and put it in my brother's room. He also got a used CD player mini boombox from somewhere the same day. So yeah, my brother just rides that exercise bike since he can't go outside unless it's to do chores. And he rides it AGGRESSIVELY! He tunes into whatever music gets him going, and then he rides that exercise bike hard. From the look on his face, I'd call it hate riding. Almost like what you'd expect to see on the face of a vindictive prison inmate exercising in their cell and waiting for the day they can get out and get revenge. I had mentioned this to my parents. And they have the same worries that I do. So my dad started burning CDs with my brother's favorite music that used to be on his gaming computer that they also sold. Each burned CD has ten songs. And he would get one for every week of good behavior. He's only gotten one so far since this started. Not because of bad behavior, but because not enough time has gone by for him to get more. I'm not sure if I'd call my brother's behavior good. He's just not really being bad. I don't hear him complaining out loud anymore most of the time. But I see it in his face. Especially when he glares at me from his window when I get on my minibike to go home. He definitely resents me. But it's not the same look he gives our parents when they aren't looking. He glares at them like they destroyed his life. But if I were to put it into words, he glares at me with envy. Like I have everything he wants. The look just seems to say "Just wait till I'm 18!". I remember having those same thoughts when I wanted to move the hell out after high school. But I made sure I had life plans with the help of my aunt when I moved out. But my brother doesn't know anything about how to do that. So he's probably still thinking of it in the simplest ways a kid usually would. Oh great! Now I'm sounding like a know-it-all! I have tried to talk with my brother. But he doesn't have much to say. I've been stopping by every few days to spend some time with him. We don't speak much because he's gotten very quiet. But he does seem to enjoy having someone to play with since our parents won't. He eagerly hands me a controller every time I'm there. We've mostly been playing racing games like Mario Kart on dad's old N64 in my brother's room. And he gets pretty aggressive while playing. He keeps swinging the controller around wildly with nearly every move he makes, and has even shoved me over a few times when he was losing. I've learned to brace my leg so he can't do that. He had a few light tantrums for losing, but is getting a little better. I've had some Gamefaqs walkthroughs and cheat codes of some of the games he's been playing on the old N64 printed out at the local library and put them in a binder for him. And that's made him be a little nicer to me. Our parents wanted to get some stuff for summer homeschooling for my brother. But I warned them that was probably not a good idea. He's already in an almost constant state of anger. And the goal is to mellow him out and make him more accepting life won't go his way like it used to anymore, not piss him off even more. My dad got angry with me about how he's the father and not me. And that sparked an argument where I reminded him of the things that went on over the past decade. All of the favoritism, all of how I was blamed for so much, even how I had to hide my money at my aunts house because they kept letting my brother try to steal it. I didn't outright say he's a bad parent. But it was heavily implied. He backed off and my mom told him I was right, and trying to force home summer schooling on my brother will not help. That made my dad shut down and he went to drink alone in the living room. My mom has apologized to me repeatedly over her past actions. She says she blames herself because it was her idea to coddle my brother so much, and my did just went along with it. She told me that back then she was never thinking ahead to what my brother would be like as an adult. She basically refused to admit he was going to grow up. So she just kept spoiling him to try and keep him her as baby. My parents have scheduled couple's counseling. But it's gonna be a while before they get in due to the wait period. My dad is pretty obviously not looking forward to it. It's harder to make him admit wrongdoing than my mom. He caved and admitted how much he'd screwed up during the family intervention. But since then he's tried to act like he's just a normal parent. But I've made it clear that pretending that shit didn't happen won't make it go away. And my mom agrees with me. So that's where things are right now. Hopefully my next update will be better. # Post 6: [Parents let my brother steal from me until I got my aunt involved](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/wq8xb0/parents_let_my_brother_steal_from_me_until_i_got/) 16 Aug 2022 I have an update post to make soon. But for now here's one of my past issues with my parents that I talked about during the family intervention not too long ago. Back when I was still a kid, it was very hard for anything to be exclusively mine. And as my brother got older, he craved money for things above all else. He and I both got allowances. Equal allowances. So that was sorta fair. I say sorta because he didn't have to do chores for his, while I did. But that's in the past now because my brother is now having to do all those chores for nothing. My brother always wanted more money though, whether he spent it or not. He loved having new things. But sometimes he'd just save the money instead. Which is odd because you'd think him the kind of kid who'd splurge his savings on the first thing he wants. My brother and I both got allowances of about $25 a month. And I was pretty thankful for it. I usually saved most of my money though. But my brother always wanted more. One day as a teenager I came home to find my room had been ransacked. And the only thing gone was my money. I'd hidden it to try and keep it from my brother, because well...obvious reasons if you readers know what my brother is like by now. I thought I'd hidden it well, but he found it anyway. My mom was home when he did it too, and she acted like she didn't even notice. But there's no way she could not have heard him tearing my room up. I called her out on that during the intervention and she just cried and made excuses about my brother being special, till other family members told her to shut up and own up to it. My room was on the first floor right near the living room. My door was completely in view of the couch. And when I pointed this out back then, my mom just made the "But he's special! He's not like you!" excuse for my brother. I said I wanted the money back, and my mom just made more excuses. And my dad did too when he got home later. So yeah, excuses then and now. Back then I did eventually get that money back because I refused to let it go. I heard my brother screaming as they took the money out of his piggy bank and gave it back to me. And they had the most disappointed looks on their faces, like I'd just robbed my brother. Even though he'd robbed me. But they couldn't tell me off because I wasn't in the wrong, and they knew it. I don't imagine many kids getting in the kind of situations where they are more right about something than their parents very often. A few months later and the whole situation repeated. My brother ransacked my room again and stole the money I'd hidden, again... That time my parents didn't want to do anything about it. And basically said that they couldn't bear to see my brother so disappointed from taking his money. I reminded them that stolen money wasn't his money. And it was really crappy that they were just sitting back and letting that happen. My dad yelled at me to go to my room for saying that. So the next day I rode my bike to my aunt's house and told her everything. She came back home with me and asked my parents if they really let my brother steal from me and did nothing about it. My mom just started whining that my brother is special needs, and she didn't want to make him cry again. And my dad backed her up. My aunt just gave them both that narrow eyed look and reminded them they have two sons, and my feelings mattered too. And what they were doing was VERY wrong. And it meant that my brother would never respect boundaries and would think he can always get away with stealing when he gets older. My aunt asked me openly how much my brother took. I stated the number, which at the time was everything I had, save for the few bucks in my wallet. My aunt gave my parents an expectant glare. My parents tried making a few more excuses. But my aunt had a counter for each one. Finally my parents went into my brother's room. And a moment later my brother was screaming. My parents came back with all of the money my brother took, and practically threw it at me for making my brother cry. My aunt then told them off for acting that way when I'd done nothing wrong, and they picked up all of the money they'd thrown at me and gave a pretty forced apology. My aunt said that she'd be severely disappointed in them if they let this situation repeat. And before she left, my aunt offered for me to hide my money at her house in a lockbox she had. I took her up on that and started keeping my savings over there. My brother ended up ransacking my room two more times looking for money. But I was keeping every cent I had at my aunt's house. My parents actually asked me where I'd hidden it, and I refused to tell. Then I asked why they wanted to know so badly anyway, and my dad instantly got defensive about it. My mom calmed him down and they didn't ask again. Since he couldn't find my money in my room, my brother figured I must have hidden it somewhere else. So he started tearing the house apart one room after another. And who was made to clean up the mess? Why yours truly of course. My parents started to blame me for the whole situation. But when I asked how I was at fault for not letting my brother steal from me, their only counter was that my brother had special needs. I swear, they used that line with me thousands of times. That was something else I heavily berated my parents for in the family intervention. The final straw came when my brother ransacked our parents' bedroom. My parents had a small suitcase safe that they kept some cash in. And my brother locked himself in their room, then took the whole safe and started bashing it around on stuff to try and get it open because he couldn't find the keys. By the time my parents were able to get the door open by breaking it open, my brother had destroyed the room. And he never got that safe open. He just sat on the floor clutching it and crying about the money inside it. My dad was so angry that he turned red. And the actually started yelling at my brother and grounded him. A very rare sight for me to see back then indeed. Then my parents forced my brother to help clean up the mess. After that my brother never ransacked mine or my parents' rooms looking for money again. But he'd still go rooting around every time he got an idea where my savings might be. So I started acting like I was giving hints by repeatedly going into certain places while he was watching. He ransacked the backyard shed, dug a bunch of holes in the yard and under the back porch, and even ransacked the attic. My parents really hit their breaking point with the attic and grounded my brother again. They never figured out I led him on either. My parents did eventually figure out I was keeping my money at my aunt's house. And they didn't argue with my reasoning for doing it. But either my brother overheard, or one of them spilled the beans to him, because the next time we visited my aunt, my brother tried to hunt for the money. But my aunt yelled at him to stop, and my brother would just sit on the floor and cry. This happened a few times and my aunt bluntly stated she'd press charges for any damages if my brother ransacked anything, and also kept a digital camera on hand to record anything if need be. My parents heavily scolded my brother to stop looking for my money. It wasn't his, and he can't have it. Cue more screaming and crying that he wants it like a three year old, even though he was seven at the time. Then my brother said he didn't want to go to auntie's house anymore. So my parents visited less. My aunt visited us a lot more than we visited her anyway. I was pretty much able to keep my money away from my brother till after I moved out. He's never managed to steal cash from me again. His classmates at school were another story. He was caught looking through the backpacks of other kids many times. And he was forced to return stolen stuff, and then sent home, where he'd cry to mom and dad, who then tried to have words with the school, who berated them on letting my brother think what he was doing was ok. They had to teach my brother that it's no ok to go through other people's stuff. And I actually heard him say "But I wanted what they had" a few times. This excuse got used again when my brother stole an envelope with birthday money from a cousin during their birthday party. He tried to stuff it in his shirt and walk out with it later. But the cousin noticed it was missing, and I suspected my brother right away and pointed everyone to him. He ended up crying and thrashing when my dad found the envelope hidden in his shirt. We left that party early. # Post 7: [My mother mentally broke](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/wv5y25/my_mother_mentally_broke/) 22 Aug 2022 This is not an update I was hoping for. And before anyone makes assumptions from the trigger warning, read the post in full. My mom was secretly letting my brother have other privileges back while my dad was at work because he kept begging her. Why? "BeCaUsE hE's SpEaCiAl!" My dad was holding to keeping my brother accountable. But my mom just couldn't do it and started letting my brother have his way again behind everyone's backs. And my brother kept demanding more and more from her once she started giving him what he wanted again. My mom bought a used Switch with a copy of Zelda BOTW and let my brother play it in secret. And was letting him online with his laptop that was supposed to have been taken away unless needed for school work. My brother demanded mom replace some of the things they sold, and called her some horrible things when she said she couldn't because dad would notice. This repeated over the course of several days, and my brother started to get violent. And mom finally hit her breaking point. She outright slapped my brother across the face as hard as she could, and then had a complete mental breakdown where she resorted to self harm. She ended up calling my dad to come home early, because she kept hurting herself. He rushed home and found my mom literally beating herself, and he had to make her stop. She's never done anything like this before. My brother was in total shock and freaking out about it. My dad blamed my brother and whooped his ass raw. He'd spanked me a few times when I was a kid. But I heard from dad later that he'd really wailed on my brother while calling him an ungrateful brat they did everything for. Then took away the Switch my mom had been hiding for him. My mom had to be taken in to the ER, and then had to be held for a psyche evaluation. She was found to be so heavily stressed that her anxiety was through the roof, and had to be hospitalized. I saw a picture of my mom that my dad had taken before she was taken in for the psyche hold. She had two black eyes, and her face was swollen. And she'd ripped some of her own hair out. My dad implied she'd done more to herself. But I didn't see. However my dad begged me to come over and watch my brother while they were away. Because he was afraid my brother may do something insane too after everything that happened. When I showed up, I found my brother huddled in his closet and crying. He wouldn't say much to me, other than small apologies. And he jolted if I even so much as touched him. I ordered his favorite pizza on my dime and had it delivered. It's barbecue chicken with stuffed crust. It coaxed him out of his room and we ate dinner in awkward silence. I played Mario Kart on the N64 with him for a while after that. And he eventually broke down sobbing. He asked me how bad of a person he really was. I hesitated in saying anything at first. But I told him. I said it wasn't his fault for being raised spoiled because that was on our parents. But he is getting older and can't put all the blame on our parents anymore. I said he himself was entitled, violent, blames others for all of his faults, steals from people, and was in need of some serious counseling. My brother cried some more and asked me to leave the room. About an hour went by before he came out and we talked in the living room. My brother asked me what it was like being an adult. So I told him about the responsibilities I have in working a job, paying for gas, rent, utilities, etc. And how much I usually had leftover each month for anything else. He was pretty shocked because no one had ever explained adult life to him like this. And I remarked that he'll be there soon enough in a few short years. My brother said he wished he didn't have to be an adult. He likes having his way and gaming all he wants. But then admitted that he knew I was going to say that was wrong. Which I nodded and said he was correct. I remarked to him about how little I got compared to him growing up because he had to have everything. Which is why I took lemons and made lemonade any way I could. Like how I hid my money at my aunt's house. And how I was afraid to keep nice things because he always wanted to take them away from me. This heart to heart lasted until we saw dad pull his car in. My brother bolted back to his room before dad came in the house. When I saw my dad, he really didn't look so good. He looked like he'd been crying, and was a complete mess. He apologized to me in tears and said he's finally truly starting to understand how awful of a parent he truly is. And couldn't believe he was blind to it for so long. We hugged, he cried some more, then he spilled his guts to me about everything that happened. I've never seen him cry so much. It's been well over a week now and nearing two. And thus far my mom hasn't returned home yet. I'd hoped that if I waited this long to post about it, my mom would have come back. But wherever she is right now, she's still there. My dad won't say anything more about what's going on. But I think my mom might have been labeled a danger to herself, and has been institutionalized. Otherwise I think she would have been home by now. My brother has calmed down a lot. And he does the chores dad gives him without complaint. Dad also gave him back the Switch mom had bought for him, and said not to eff things up this time. Because if he wants all of his privileges back, he was gonna earn them one by one. Yesterday I talked with my brother over the phone while dad was still at work. And he says he's afraid of dad now. But also said that dad hasn't even so much as raised his voice to him since the day mom went mad. He admitted that he still wished things could go back to how they used to be. He misses all his electronics, his games, and his bike. I asked dad about the bike, and he said he'll get him another one in time. But for now he's just too worried about mom to even think about that kind of stuff. I'm kind of at a loss how to move forward here. Obviously I know that my family is messed up, and need support in a variety of ways. I am starting to feel sorry for my brother. But at the same time I know that he needs this lesson to move forward in life. But I did not agree with dad spanking him the way he did. I haven't said that to him. Nor do I think I ever will unless he does it again. Which I'm not so sure he will since he regrets it immensely, and my brother is starting to understand how to behave. But I still feel really mixed up over the lot of this. I knew getting my family change for the better would be drama. But I didn't think it would be at this level. **\*\*Reminder - I am not the original poster.\*\*** **Marked inconclusive because not everything is resolved or positive.**

opinionswelcomehere

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zeeuxg/parents_and_entitled_brother_who_cannot_handle/

zeeuxg

I (M24) found out my daughter isn't mine and I'm soon to wed my Fiance (25F)

INCONCLUSIVE

[removed]

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zef798/i_m24_found_out_my_daughter_isnt_mine_and_im_soon/

zef798

I (M24) found out my daughter isn't mine and I'm soon to wed my Fiance (25F)

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[removed]

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zeg010/i_m24_found_out_my_daughter_isnt_mine_and_im_soon/

zeg010

AITA for calling a baby “it”?

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**I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/itmesuzy](https://www.reddit.com/user/itmesuzy/). They posted in r/AITA. A light, quick read for you today! For those of you on mobile who need something here to not see the spoilers: Your daily dolphin fact- scientists have discovered that dolphins actually give themselves names! They develop their own whistles and can recognize their own and others' names. **Mood Spoiler:** >!things seem to work out!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wwn4c6/aita_for_calling_a_baby_it/)**: August 24, 2022** For context, I have nothing against kids, I even want them someday, but this isn’t the time for me personally. So my friend Natalia and I are both in our mid 20s. Natalia is currently pregnant with her second child and is around 28 weeks? I’m not too sure though. Whenever her baby comes up in conversation, there have been times where I have said comments such as “I wonder if IT will have you eyes”, or “IT will be so cute”. Natalia at the time made no indication that this bothered her so I didn’t give it a second thought. This has been happening since she announced her pregnancy and I am not the only one to use the word “it”, she has also not revealed the gender or name. A few weeks ago, a mutual friend asked if I am attending her baby shower, I said I am working. I then made the comment “I don’t get why she’s having a baby shower, IT is her second baby, she already had a shower + gender reveal in 2019.” I do understand needing some new items such as a car seat but the list also included MANY items she previously got at her first shower such as new baby monitors, an (IMO) expensive stroller, etc. But I kept this comment to myself. Natalia reached out to me the other day and I called the baby an “it” again. Natalia then got upset with me and said it was an AH move to keep calling her baby an “It”, as “a baby isn’t an object” and she hopes this doesn’t continue once the baby is born. I will admit, until she told us her baby names for baby 1, I also called the baby an it, until she decided on a name if it would either be a boy or a girl with the same starting initial so it became “Baby R” until baby was born. Since baby 1 was born, he was called by his name. I apologized and said I didn’t know my actions offended her, but she didn’t accept my apology and still maintains I am an AH. So AITA? It honestly wasn’t out of malice, just unsure what to call her baby at this time. EDIT/Clarification: I never have misgendered a person and know the harm in calling a person, especially a member of the LGBTQ+ community an “it”. I would NEVER call any person that. Unborn babies were the only situation in which if I didn’t know the pronouns/pronoun route the parents decided to go with, or name or ANYTHING, I and others close to me used the term “it”. “Did friend tell Natalia baby shower comment?” No. We’ve been friends since we were babies, she at the time agree with my comment and said “first time moms during pandemic/lockdown - makes sense for a do-over shower”. I did double check, she’s NEVER lied to me before, and this isn’t something I’d be upset over and she knows that. Other than Natalia, our group is still adjusting from the “shit, i’m pregnant” to “yay! i’m pregnant”, we’re learning, we’re new to this whole thing. *OOP is voted NTA* **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/xg6has/update_aita_for_calling_a_baby_an_it/)**: September 16, 2022** Hey! So on my last post, the comments were pretty divided on calling my friend Nat‘s baby an “it”. After giving her a few days to cool off, I reached out and asked if everything was ok. It turns out that Nat was upset that we (our friend group) kinda made a bigger deal of her first pregnancy (and first baby of our group). She went on to explain how she felt like if one of us announced we were pregnant it will be a bigger deal compared to her being pregnant right now. She was also upset that most of us RSVP’d “no” to her 2nd baby shower that she had to plan and organize herself. And she feels left behind as she’s a SAHM and the rest of us are moving away for work, higher education, and to where we want to live. I asked if she was bothered by me calling the bébé an “it” and turns out she wasn’t, I just caught her at a bad moment and everything just boiled up for her. So yeah I explained that we didn’t really know a second baby shower was a thing, that’s why we didn’t think of it, and I couldn’t make it to the one she planned due to a work trip. End of the day, we’re good. Still love each other and the two lil ones. And as a few people suggested i’m putting together a little bag of baby items for the little one - so any suggestions welcome for what to put in! Thanks y’all! edit: thank you all for the amazing suggestions!! I’m loving the ideas coming in. To clarify a few things - since my last post I have just been calling the baby “they baby” (also sometimes the bébé because we used to binge Schitt’s Creek) She wanted a baby shower for her 2nd baby (not 2 for same pregnancy). A lot of the items she did ask for this time around were more expensive (imo idk how much baby stuff should cost) such as a 2k baby stroller, new crib, etc. Maybe I am off base on how much stuff costs. But the stroller and other items did seem a little pricy to me. Yes she does still have a lot of her original stuff as she planned to have her children closer together (2nd end of 2020/ early 2021) but everything happened.

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zegeik/aita_for_calling_a_baby_it/

zegeik

AITA For not wanting to go ballroom dancing with my girlfriend on “my” birthday? [very short]

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[removed]

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zeh1c9/aita_for_not_wanting_to_go_ballroom_dancing_with/

zeh1c9

I (M24) found out my daughter isn't mine and I'm soon to wed my Fiance (25F)

INCONCLUSIVE

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwra_peaceofmind in r/relationship_advice** ---   [**I (M24) found out my daughter isn't mine and I'm soon to wed my Fiance (25F)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ebgqpf/i_m24_found_out_my_daughter_isnt_mine_and_im_soon/) - 16 December 2019 About a month ago an old friend of my fiance came and told me my daughter might not be mine (1yr). She told me Sarah (fiance, fake name) confessed to her shortly after finding out she was pregnant that it might not be mine because at the time she had been sleeping with one other guy. Now that we are going to get married soon, she just couldn't keep this to herself and felt the need to tell me. Well I obviously didn't take the news well, because everything she said contradicted the person I knew for 5 years, faithful, honest and loving. However, that doubt didn't go away and I ended up going through with a paternity test. I'm not her father, as you can imagine has broken my heart, I'm still coming to terms to the news. It explains why she suddenly got pregnant, despite the protection I was using, but I just assumed things happen and it is what it is (abortion was out of the question). At this point, I'm not sure where to go in life. The wedding is two weeks away at this point, family is coming, everything is paid for, my daughter, who I love, turns out isn't mine at all and I've been raising someone else's kid, I'm about to marry a woman who I can't bring myself to look at anymore, I'm at a loss. I'm not sure what advice Reddit can offer, but I don't know who else to turn to. **Edit:** Thank you for all the advice, good and bad, different perspectives offer some insight as to what I can do, even the ones that didn't help pointed out what I shouldn't do. All I know is, I have loved this woman and her family, the last thing I want is a nuclear option. There's a lot to consider, I have two weeks at this point to decide what I want to do. I'm heartbroken, I don't want to necessarily think with my emotions alone, rather think this through as I make another of my large life choices. I am currently waiting on the results of a second paternity test just to confirm the results of the first one before I make any kind of jump. If you still have any additional advice to offer, offer away, I'm still catching up on messages, there's so many and I'm taking my time to reflect on each one.   [**[Update] I (M24) found out my daughter isn't mine and I'm soon to wed my Fiance (25F)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/eemzdf/update_i_m24_found_out_my_daughter_isnt_mine_and/) - 23 December 2019 I'm sure people would like an update and a somewhat of a conclusion to this hurdle in my life, but here's what happened. I read everyone's advice, and a lot of it was very helpful, while others, not so much, some going as far as to consider murder, yeah, not on the table. But for those that did offer genuine advice, thank you. After getting the same result with the second paternity test, I talked to "Sarah", and a lot emotions rolled out, how could an old friend betray me, I wasn't sure if it was or wasn't yours, I'm sorry, how could you not trust me, she was all over the place. After she calmed down I got a few more answers out of her, turns out it wasn't one guy she was sleeping with, rather a total of three, and they wore protection too, but someone got unlucky and knocked her up. At this point, I should've been furious, but somehow, that didn't happen, I had grown numb to the whole situation. So yeah, I decided I don't want to go through with this marriage and put everything on hold, I plan to eventually cancel everything. I called my parents and explained what was going on, they were shocked; then her parents, same reaction, I was surprised with how understanding there were to the whole situation, like I said, they're great people, their reaction only reinforce this. Luckily, the wedding was within driving distance from all attendees, 8 hours being the longest drive, the amount of fallout was minimal, apart from my and her parents, no one else knows what's really going on other than the wedding is delayed. Regarding my "daughter", I've come to terms that she's not mine, and any feelings I have towards her were built on a lie, it's not too late to start over, she's still young (1yr), she won't remember me. As painful as it is, I can't see my life continuing with her. So to wrap things up, I've moved out for the time being to have so space, my parents said I could stay with them until I can sort things out, waiting on the results of an STD test, should be coming in tomorrow, I've talked to a lawyer and she's said it's a pretty messy situation, but if we can find out who the father is, it could very much help my case. I don't know any of the possible fathers, but her "friend" instantly knew two of the names, as for the third she wasn't sure, but knew someone who might. So this is where I am, still not sure where things will go and what will happen, but I can only hope for the best, life sometimes takes a dump on you, but you don't realize it till one person spills the beans. Thanks reddit for the help. I wish I could tell you I'm looking forward to a happy ending, but it's too soon to be sure of anything.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zeh8cr/i_m24_found_out_my_daughter_isnt_mine_and_im_soon/

zeh8cr

AITA for outing my ex as gay to get his mother off my back?

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/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zejqt7/aita_for_outing_my_ex_as_gay_to_get_his_mother/

zejqt7

AITA for outing my ex as gay to get his mother off my back?

REPOST

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/life_after_love in r/amitheasshole** trigger warnings: >!homophobia, sexism!< ---   [**AITA for outing my ex as gay to get his mother off my back?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r6iokf/aita_for_outing_my_ex_as_gay_to_get_his_mother/) - 1 December 2021 It’s a long and sucky story, but my (25F) soon to be ex (28M) is gay and hid that from me. I found out because I caught him cheating and he as much as admitted that he knew he wasn’t attracted to me that way, but he wanted kids and a “normal” life. I don’t care that he’s gay, but I will never forgive him for leading me on so he could use me to have kids, so it’s over, end of story. The problem is that his family are fundamentalist nutjobs except for a few members and his mother is the interfering MIL from hell. Not being related to her anymore is another plus to leaving. His family doesn’t believe in divorce, so under the guise of picking up some paperwork and other items I had found that were my ex’s, she cornered me about how I’m being childish and marriage is about commitment, forgiveness, and working through problems, etc. It became apparent that my ex didn’t tell his family that he cheated, he told his mom that I was divorcing him because we weren’t having sex often enough for me. I tried to be patient and explained that he had cheated and that’s why. I wasn’t going to go into greater detail because I know how his parents are and it’s none of their business. MIL’s advice, I kid you not, was that men are just that way and if I wanted to have sex more and for him not to stray that I should make myself more attractive to my husband and be a better wife. I lost the plot completely. It had been a sad and hard day already and that was the last straw. Here’s where I might be the AH: I told her that the only thing that would make me more attractive to my ex would be a sex change operation and that I hoped he and his boyfriend adopted her some grandchildren so she could finally shut the hell up about it. Not my finest moment, but she just hit the worst and rawest nerve she could have and I exploded. It’s evidently turned into a huge family drama, he’s probably going to be disowned, and my ex called sobbing that I’ve ruined his life out of spite. I don’t really know how to feel about it. I do feel bad for him that his parents are such awful people and there were just no “good” outcomes for him, but I also feel like he made his own bed here, too. Edit - a couple things from comments. 1) there is almost no chance of violence, his family are fundies but not violent ones, they’re more of the Mormon shunning type. One of his cousin came out and left the church and after the initial protests they all just stopped talking to him and basically treated him as if he were dead until he was ready to repent or whatever. They’re passive aggressive, repressed, and weird as all get out, but the chances of anyone physically hurting him are extremely low. He’s not financially dependent on them and has a more than decent job, so he can support himself easily if they kick him out. 2) He’s known he was gay since before he met me, so this wasn’t a new discovery or admission to himself. He has a boyfriend that he’s been dating since six months before we were married. I went through his computer after catching them in the act and kicking him out and found messenger logs and other evidence going back to before he started dating me. He literally set this up so he could have the nice Mormon family on the surface to keep his family happy. That’s it. He never loved me at all, I was just the first girl to express a sustained interest. Verdict: NTA   [**Update: AITA for outing my ex to get his mother off my back**](https://www.reddit.com/user/life_after_love/comments/r89j1l/update_aita_for_outing_my_ex_to_get_his_mother/) - 3 December 2021 I didn’t think it was worth bothering the whole AITA sub about and some people seem to think it was a fake post or something, which I guess I can understand because Lord knows I would have had a hard time believing this could happen to me before it happened. But some folks asked how things were going and I don’t have a lot of places to talk openly about what’s happening for obvious reasons, so I thought this might be a good way to get some stuff out of my head and update those who wanted to know at the same time. I’m grateful for all of the different opinions. I’m so conflicted about the situation myself, it helps to see other people’s reasoning and values on the subject. I feel like I can’t trust my mind right now and the thread has helped me make some peace and move on. I’ve finally gotten radio silence from my ex’ immediate family after the incident with the MIL so that’s a relief. I work at the same place with a couple of his extended family members so I still have to see them, but they haven’t brought it up. They all know to contact me only through my lawyer now and everything big that belongs to my ex has been passed on already, so anything else can be forwarded through the legal office now. I shouldn’t have to interact directly with them, but it’s hard to avoid people forever in a small town. My ex tried to break into the house the day that I posted the story while I was at work and I pressed charges. I don’t know how that’s going to shake out or why he’s doing this when it can only get him in worse trouble, but I’m letting my lawyer and the police handle it and I’m staying with my parents for a little while until I feel safer. I don’t know what’s happened between him and his family and I don’t want to try and find out. My ex and I guess his family before the fight with the MIL spread rumors about me and it’s made living here very hard. It’s a smallish community and people treat me differently now. The local stake president has been kind and, after being told about the cheating (no mention of orientation) said he would try to help with the rumors. I don’t want to leave the area, but I’m thinking that I may need to, at least for awhile, after the legal stuff is over. My lawyer and I have decided to go for annulment, since that will take less time and be harder to fight in this case. Hopefully the ex won’t contest it. I’m glad that we never combined finances, there won’t be too many joint assets to sort out. I will be okay financially still, this could have been much worse if I was a SAHM or something. I am going to start therapy soon. I was thinking about it anyway even before this all came out because I’ve been feeling depressed over how things were working in my marriage for awhile. I don’t want to lose anymore of myself and my time than I already have, and I hope one day I’ll feel good enough to start dating again. Right now, I don’t know. Even thinking about it hurts. A couple of things that I wanted to comment on from responses to the post. I am a Mormon, although an inactive one for much of my life, and I don’t want the entire LDS church to be painted with this brush. My ex and his family aren’t typical, though I know there are people like that out there. Also, please, don’t generalize about gay people because of my story. There are LGBTQ people close to my heart and they would never do this to anyone. I don’t believe that outing people is generally okay or I wouldn’t feel so bad about all of this. My ex’ family set this up with their intolerance. I wish none of it had happened, for me and for him, too. Take away, I guess, is don’t out people if you can possibly avoid it. Even if some people see it as justified in the circumstances, it’s not good and it doesn’t feel good. My name a little clearer and I’m not being directly harassed anymore, but that’s it. Now I get to figure out the next step.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zekswf/aita_for_outing_my_ex_as_gay_to_get_his_mother/

zekswf

OP is moving to his grandparent's house due to his parents.

CONCLUDED

\*\*I am NOT OP. Original post by u/ThrowRapolyparents12 in r/relationship_advice mood spoilers: >!satifying!<   [I am moving to my grandpa's house due to my parent's polyamorous lifestyle.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/xkbwqn/i_am_moving_to_my_grandpas_house_due_to_my/) 21 September 2022 Note: Before anyone starts complaining, I don't know why my original account got suspended or why my post got removed I hate my parents being poly I want to stay away from my parents and live with my grandpa. I am 17 years old and home doesn't feel like home ever since I was 10 years old. My parents like to hook up and date other couples. They started doing it since I was around 9 year old. I figured out when I was 12 years old and I was snooping on my mom's phone. I admit it was wrong of me to do that. I thought my mom I was cheating. So I told my dad. They both sat down with me and told while they love each other, they like to see other people. They assured they weren't getting divorced. However it's like we stopped being a close family of three but it became me and my parents. When I was 11 years old I started to be forced to be at a grandpa's 6 and a half days each month. My parents started going on adult vacations with their adult friends more than we went on family vacations. It was extremely isolating. Their dates with other people took more of a priority in their lives. I remember my mom dating a dude when I was 14 years old. She was practically gone almost every other weekend. I have tried to tell them with how I felt. I just got responses like "We love you but we're more than just your parents. We have a live too." Too an extent, I get that. I mean the world shouldn't revolve around me. But it seems that this other life they have is more important than being around me. Despite being the kid, I've put so much in trying to spend time with my parents just to be pushed away. I did so recently but I have given up. My dad hates going to Canada so I asked my mom if we can take a short trip there, just the two of us. I asked here if we could do it anytime during August. She said she couldn't go since her and dad would have to go on a business trip. Two days after that,I found out it was a lie. I was upstairs and my laptop wasn't working. So I asked if I could borrow hers. She said yes and told me it was in her bedroom. She had multiple tabs open. As I was working on the computer. I got an instagram message saying "We can't wait to see you and hubby on the trip." I opened it up and my heart broke. Apparently their "business trip" was vacation with another couple at an adult resort. I poured my heart out to my grandpa. He felt really bad for me. He told me to wait for my 18th Birthday. It's four days from now and I can't wait to leave this pathetic excuse of a family.   [Update: I am moving to my grandparent's house due to my parents' polyamorous lifestyle](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/xm9ybk/update_i_am_moving_to_my_grandparents_house_due/) \- 23 September 2022 Well the situation got worse. Yesterday my mom asked me what I want to do on my birthday. I told her I am going to hang out with my friends after school. She asked about doing a party like last year. I told I would rather just kick it with my friends and go bowling. Then she asked if I wanted her and dad to take me out for breakfast. Again, I told them I wasn't interested. My wonderful dad told me to spend some time with them and "think about us" for once in a while. I guess I've been bottling up my emotions for a while now and I was about to lose my shit any day soon. Well, I lost my shit there and then. I told my dad to shut the hell up. My parents were shocked. My mom admonished me for talking to my dad that way. Then I told her to shut the hell up too. I revealed that I knew about the trip. I straight up told them " I know these activities of yours are your own business but it always seems those activities mattered more than me. Stop pretending you give a shit about me." I went up to my room. I could hear my mom crying downstairs. I packed my shit. I called my grandpa to pick me up. My mom was worried and asked me where I was going. Then they both started following me outside the house. My grandpa was waiting in the driveway. My dad asked him what was going on. My grandpa was pretty blunt and told him everything. Then he said he was disappointed in my dad. My dad started to get emotional and told to put my stuff back in the house and that we can talk about it. My grandpa said it was too late. Then my dad snapped and told him to not to get involved and what my grandpa is doing is illegal. My mom started to beg me to come back and said we can talk about this situation. I ignored her. I am chilling at my grandpa's home it was only five minutes from my school so I'm lucky in that way I guess.     **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

QuestionPowerful7

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zepbh3/op_is_moving_to_his_grandparents_house_due_to_his/

zepbh3

AITA for exposing the true paternity of my friend's son at her family gathering?

NEW UPDATE

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/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zeqwku/aita_for_exposing_the_true_paternity_of_my/

zeqwku

AITA for exposing the true paternity of my friend's son at her family gathering?

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/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zer80z/aita_for_exposing_the_true_paternity_of_my/

zer80z

OOP - I'm finally ready to leave my husband but he can't understand why.

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I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/hopeful-courage32 in r/trueoffmychest. Trigger Warnings - >!infidelity, revenge porn!< [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/z4uh6i/im_finally_ready_to_leave_my_husband_but_he_cant/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (26 Nov 22) **I'm finally ready to leave my husband but he can't understand why** My story is probably the opposite of anyone here, but for me it made sense even though it doesn't for my husband and the rest of the family. I needed to write somewhere to see if there is anybody out there who understands me or am I as anyone around me believes, going mental? I found this from a YouTuber. My husband cheated on me 5 years ago on a work trip. His colleague sent me the sex tape she made. Apparently they slept together. She used the tape to get him to start a relationship with her and when he refused she exposed him to me. I was in utter shock. This just couldn't happen to us? How could he do this to me when he said he loved me so much? I couldn't take the images out of my head. I was broken and paralyzed I think because while the normal reaction should have been yell and shout and leave him, I just went into a depression and was too weak to take actions. He asked for marriage counseling and for two years I lived in this depressed trance and I honestly don't remember thinking of anything but my husband and his affair, seeing the images she sent me whenever I closed my eyes. After a few months and with the therapist's recommendation he tried to get intimate with me but it just triggered my ptsd. I was so embarrassed to give him my body, when it wasn't enough for him. I felt so disgusting and ugly and him touching me was so so shameful, like why would he want something that wasn't enough? something so disgusting. He tried to make me believe that I was beautiful and more than enough and that it was him not me and it was never about me not being enough but for me it was all lies and a bunch of gibberish. I knew for a fact I was disgusting and I had proof: my husband's cheating. After two years things were getting brighter. The nightmares and images started fading and individual and couples therapy did miracles. I started to love myself again and sometimes it went days without e thinking of my husbands affair. We started having sex again after 3 years and while the image of him with her was always there I thought that I just had to live with it. Here is where I might be weird. Now, five years later I'm fully happy, feel that I have gained back the control over my life and I put that whole ordeal behind me, at the same time now, I feel that my marriage is over. My husband is in total disarray. Why now when we are finally happy again. When I'm back to be my old self and finally is over what he did. I even forgave him (I did). But I don't understand his confusion. For me now I'm happy and strong again, I feel I want more. from myself, my life and from the man I share my life with. I couldn't leave when I was too weak to think properly and without bias. I couldn't leave when I didnt have a free will, consumed by grief. Why can't he see that it was a healthy way of thinking not making decisions while hurting? am I wrong? I'm 35 now. I want to start a family. I want to start this family with someone who would never have done this to me. doesn't this make sense [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/z87lva/im_finally_ready_to_leave_my_husband_but_he_cant/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (1 Dec 22) **I'm finally ready to leave my husband but he can't understand why, Update** Hi everyone, I will make my update short but I felt that I have to since you asked for an update. Thank you so much for the support, ngl these past couple of days have been very emotional for me. I don't know but just putting my story out there and receiving all the support diid a number on me. I showed my husband this post and the comments and I showed him the many drafts I made that were longer with more details about what I went through that I didn't feel were necessary to include. He cried the whole time he was reading, especially the comments from the men and women who went through the same experience. He said he always knew how wrong he did me and that never a day went by without him thinking about how he hurt me for nothing. Now, when he read how long it really took me to heal, 5 years of my life because of one hour of pointless sex, he apologized and said that couldn't give me back what he took but that he won't stand in the way of my happiness. He promised me an amicable divorce. He said he will always love. He just requested to celebrate one last Christmas together. He is moving out after. **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zes6rh/oop_im_finally_ready_to_leave_my_husband_but_he/

zes6rh

Entitled dad breaks OOP's leg because he continuously blocked his son from scoring

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/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zeslwb/entitled_dad_breaks_oops_leg_because_he/

zeslwb

OOP - I need my husband to agree to moving to another city because I have feelings for BIL.

ONGOING

I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/unlikely_librarian85 in r/trueoffmychest. [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ybstoi/i_need_my_husband_to_agree_to_moving_to_another/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (24 Oct 22) **I need my husband to agree to moving to another city because I have feelings for BIL** My, f39 husband m50 of 11 years and his sister f41 are very close. We meet her and her husband BIL m40 all the time. Sunday dinner is always with them at our or their place, occasionally other family members join us from my or my husband's side of the family but the constant is us four (and SIL's 3 children). I get along very well with SIL and BIL. we never had issues. ​ I started having feelings for BIL about 5 years ago. I know people here would call it "emotional affair" but it wasn't , yet. I kept it very secret and nobody noticed. I love my husband very much and I don't want to ruin our beautiful marriage . We are awesome together and our bond is strong. My feelings for BIL were very confusing at first and I went years without realizing what they were because I love my husband so how can I love another. ​ When BIL turned 40. They had a big party and I stayed after to clean because SIL had to take care of the children so it was me and BIL cleaning. He was still a bit tipsy and he told methat he's been in love with me since I married my husband. I was shocked. He has always been nice to me and complimented me but I never felt anything more. I tried to ignore him so he said it again. I told him to go to bed, he tried to argue but I insisted that he went to bed and let me clean by myself. ​ He probably knows that I love him too because of something he said. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we stopped pretending and just told them? We only live once. HOW DID HE KNOW? I cried for weeks afterwards and when my husband saw that I was sad he was very concerned and was so nice to me and it made me cry even more. The guilt is physically painful. I have developed ulcers. ​ This happened last summer and ever since I've tried to avoid seeing SIL and BIL. With how frequent we met before there was never one good excuse. Soon my husband was irritated with me accusing me of not liking his family. SIL called a few times to wonder. Now she has started saying that I wanted to come between her and her brother because I never liked their closeness. I go to the dinners and ignore BIL all together and SIL is mad that it feels like I hate her when I actually love her like a sister. ​ My husband got a new job offer a city that's 20 hours away. I want him to take it. But its in a very small town and he is surprised that I a "renowned" city girl want to move to a small town. I don't know what to do. I want my husband to take this job but I don't know how to convince him. BIL texted me begging not to do it and he promised not to bother me again but just not to move away. Tt doesn't sit well with me. As long as it was one sided it felt less serious but now it feels like an emotional affair and I don't want to be in it. why can I do? [Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yhgvjr/now_my_sil_and_bil_are_separating_my_husband_is/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (30 Oct 22) **Now my SIL and BIL are separating, my husband is hesitant about taking the new job in the new city** Hi! I was here a week ago (read that post because I will not repeat my story). I honestly didn't expect to be so judged and hated. I read my post over and over again, trying to understand where there could have been any misunderstanding about me being interested in acting on my feelings. There was none so I guess people just wanted to judge which is sad because I have seen how people can be supportive in here. Anyhow, I stumbled upon a few kind souls that didn't treat me like I was disgusting human garbage so I'm here again with an update because my life just got more complicated and I'm so desperate, Those who read my first post know that I haven't talked to anybody about this. I want to stress the point that I have never once contemplated acting on my feelings toward BIL not even when he confessed that he had feelings for me. On the contrary, when he told me that he was in love with me I was more adamant to do everything in my power to forget him. I have never spoken or looked his way since that confession and I'm not planning to ever speak to him again either. After my post I had a talk again to my husband about the job in the little town. I told him that I wanted the new adventure, especially when it came with a 25% increase in his salary and a higher up position. My husband has been complaining about how he isn't advancing in his career in our city. I told him that this could be the step he needed. I'm a nurse, and I could easily fins jobs anywhere we went because we have a shortage in healthcare staff everywhere. The idea started to grow on him, he was skeptical because of the distance to our families but he was intrigued. He booked a job interview that is supposed to happen on Wednesday. If he took the job we would be relocating around new year. I was so hopeful that I could finally breathe. Today is Sunday and it was, per usual, the day we meet up with family for dinner. this did't happen this week however and I'm spending this Sunday alone. My husband is staying with SIL because earlier this week BIL broke the news to her that he wanted a divorce. SIL is beside herself with shock and my husband is there to try and mediate between her and her husband. BIL is refusing to talk to any of them and has only been there twice to see the kids. My husband told me now that he couldn't take this job because he needed to stay here and support his sister. I understand where he is coming from but for me all the horror and anxiety is back. What can I do? I feel trapped like the walls are closing in around me. I can't tell my husband my true reasons. I have tried so many times but I just can't do it. I love him so much and I know him very well. He will be hurt and devastated . We have had issues throughout our marriage with him not being able to preform due to health problems and we haven't had sex in over 8 years. He is so self conscious about. I just can't hurt him about something like this. I think my options now are to stay put and support my husband and SIL. If they (BIL&SIL) can save their marriage in any way then maybe my husband could find a new job opportunity in another city in the future and agree to move. If they divorce, then I won't be seeing BIL any more. [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/z8922a/im_leaving_my_husband_and_i_know_that_im_being_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (30 Nov 22) **I'm leaving my husband and I know that I'm being a horrible, selfish person for it.** ​ I don't know how I feel about this. It is probably too early for me to do this horrible thing when my SIL just got separated but I don't see any improvement in the horizon. (please read my other posts for context but if you don't want to SIL and BIL has separated about a month ago and my husband has been busy being SIL's support). When my husband told me he was not taking the job up north because of SIL's marital problems, I understood that and was supportive. We have always been close to my SIL and my husband loves his sister and her children. I always admired their bond because I was never this close to my family. He stopped spending weekends with me and instead staying with SIL and the children and even several days a week when he doesn't even text me after work that he was spending the evening with the children. I didn't mind it because this is all new and SIL isn't coping well after the separation. I told my husband that I missed him though, and that I wanted to be with him and maybe I should tag along some days. He said that I was being selfish for wanting the attention now. His sister needed the support I should be more understanding. She and BIL have been together since they were very young and she wasn't adjusting well with these new changes. I felt horrible and so selfish. I thought that I should be supportive. Every Christmas, on Boxing Day, my husband and I travel to somewhere warm and spend 2-3 weeks. It has been our tradition since we met. We book this trip months early (April). Yesterday when I was talking about our trip, my husband was so surprised. He said that he was actually astonished that I thought that we would just go on with our plans when SIL's life is turned upside down. I told him that this was our thing and that his sister has her own family. I wanted my family, HIM. I told him that I fully understood that she needs his support but that I've been very lonely lately. He told me to drop the subject. Today I chatted with the traveling agency to see if I could add my SIL and her children. I thought that maybe it would be a good change of climate. Well they would have to take a separate flight but other than that it was possible even with such short notice to add them so I called my husband to tell him the news. He was very excited. when he came home later, he told me that his sister didn't agree however so we are staying. I asked him why and he said that she didn't want to be around "happy couples" right now. It was all I could do to hold back my tears. When my husband got that job offer in the small town up north, I started browsing job opportunities and I sent my CV around. One hospital answered me a week ago. I think I want to take the job. After what happened today I just logged in and made an appointment for a job interview. I know that my SIL is hurting and that my husband is admirable for being there for her. This is all just so new for everyone and a big life change for SIL and her children but I feel like I'm no 2 in my own life. I feel neglected and like I have the supporting role in my own movie. I'm leaving my husband. I'm taking the new job and I will go with the plans and move to that small town and get away from everything and everyone. I think I need this new start. Judge me all you want. I know you will. # Edit for Update Thank you so much everyone, I never expected the amount of the heartwarming comments and the awards. I have been crying since yesterday reading your beautiful DM's. I felt like some of you hit the nail on many details that I have left out and I'm astounded and even scared that some of you seemed to know my innermost thoughts and fears but then I remember that nobody who knows me in person knows any of this. I love my husband, I will probably never love anyone like I love him but yes, I have been very unhappy for a long time. As I said I always admired my husband for the love he has for his sister. He basically raised her because their parents were having issues and she was left for him to raise when he was a child himself. His warmth and compassion is what made me fall for him but does it make sense that it is also what's making me miserable? I have always known I'm his second but I have always thought that this will change with time. First I thought because I'm not family and after I became his wife I thought because we dont have children. When SIL started having children I felt that I was pushed down the ladder of my husbands priorities. I have told him this before and he just told me I was being ridiculous "competing" with children. I remember telling him that it wasn't just that. We should be each other's priority because even if his sister loves him, he is not her priority and never will be because she has a family now. We never agreed on this matter. I felt like there was some truth in what he said too, I was competing with children and his sister, besides I thought he would be there when I needed him. Except he wasn't. my mental health has been declining this year but he wasn't as warm and compassionate as I always known him to be, the very things that made me so much in love with him. And these past months since BIL confessed his feelings, my husband never once tried to listen to me. Never once he tried to understand why I didn't want to join them for the usual Sunday dinner and never once told me he was staying with me instead since I obviously didn't want to go, on the contrary, it became something he was bothered about even with my body physically reacting to my mental state. I have developed ulcers and lost crazy amounts of weight and hair. I guess him cancelling the Christmas trip was just the straw. I love him but I can't anymore. I have spoken to him today before he went to his sister. I told him that he has known for months now that I'm unhappy and that I wanted to leave this city. I told him that I couldn't do it anymore and I apologized that I chose this very inconvenient time when his sister is suffering but that I couldn't do it anymore. He looked at me and was silent and the disappointment in his eyes just broke me. He said that he couldn't believe that I have no compassion what so ever when a family member is suffering and yet I still want to go about my life as usual. Would the world end if we skipped our tradition ONCE when he is needed somewhere else. I started crying because I couldn't reach out to him and yes if simplified he is in the right. This looks like me sulking about a trip. I told him that I couldn't do this anymore. we are talking past each other and none of us wants to understand the other. He left. He texted me now that he never thought me to be selfish and that if I should do what I see fit. He will not stand in my way. I don't know if he will be coming back. **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zeswda/oop_i_need_my_husband_to_agree_to_moving_to/

zeswda

AITA for not giving anyone my earrings in my will?

ONGOING

[removed]

[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zesxbl/aita_for_not_giving_anyone_my_earrings_in_my_will/

zesxbl

Sitter Won't Let Me Help Pick Up/Retrieve Cat

CONCLUDED

**I am not the OP, this is a repost sub.** Mood spoiler: >!Happy ending for OOP, but mysterious!< All times listed are in PST (where this takes place) \- [**Sitter Won't Let Me Help Pick Up/Retrieve Cat**](https://www.reddit.com/r/RoverPetSitting/comments/z5wirz/sitter_wont_let_me_help_pick_upretrieve_cat/) posted in r/RoverPetSitting by u/nutritionlabel on November 27, 2022 (1am) Hey all, posting for a friend (owner) because as a sitter, I could not fathom this type of response or this situation. Her pickup for her cat was supposed to occur at 10 PM last night (Saturday PST), but she arrived early at 7 PM. When she arrived, the sitter grabbed her cat's carrier, but he supposedly ran away and hid under the sitter's bed. The sitter can't retrieve him, and after trying for a while, claimed she needed to get to bed. She asked my friend to return tomorrow at 5 AM to pick him up, and changed the pickup time. She won't let my friend into the house to assist with his retrieval, even as a last resort. My friend was able to drop off food and litter for the extra night, but that was the extent of it. The strange excuse she keeps giving my friend is that she has company over, and there isn't enough... room? for everyone in the house. I asked if she got photographic proof of the cat under the bed, but she didn't get any. The sitter only sent a picture of the food already eaten. My main concern is that her cat is missing/hurt, and this is a strange way of buying time. Any advice as to how to proceed? Not too concerned about being charged extra, as we can always dispute, but worried about how to deal with this sitter. Update: Hi all, my friend is in the thread now, but she's currently dealing with law enforcement. Lots in the air--thanks for all your support. She'll update when she can. \- [**Comment**](https://www.reddit.com/r/RoverPetSitting/comments/z5wirz/comment/ixynn7p/?context=3) from u/guccigrandma_ on November 27, 2022 (4am) Hi everybody, I’m the friend of the person who posted this (the post is about my cat). She hasn’t let me in at all (not during the meet and greet as she said she was dog sitting so we had to meet in a public place) and not when I went to drop him off either (I asked if I could go in to help him get settled, which would also allow me to see the house, but she said I wouldn’t be able to go in because the house was not “set up” or something super vague). I’m going to leave in an hour to try and get him (haven’t slept at all due to anxiety from this situation) and I’m not sure what to do if she still doesn’t let me get him. I’m ready to get the police involved at this point if she still doesn’t let me get him today. Also, just to clarify, yes, the pickup was a few hours earlier than scheduled, but since the original booking (which took place 3 weeks before the trip) I made it clear that I wasn’t sure what time I would be returning to the area so I could pick up my cat, which she said was fine. I also kept the sitter extremely updated with the pickup times and let her know the ETA as well as any updates on the ETA due to traffic, stops, etc. so her not letting me in had nothing to do with the fact that I got there earlier than scheduled. \- **Comments** from u/guccigrandma_ on November 27, 2022 **4am:** Hi, it’s my cat in the post (I’m the kitty mama). The one thing that’s keeping me calm is that he is a scared little guy that is TERRIFIED of the outside world. The few times I have tried to take him outside he has refused and has gone to hide in my closet, so I’m fairly certain he wouldn’t have ran away. He’s also microchipped as well and his collar has my contact info on it. **5am:** She did send lots of pictures and let me know every time she fed him so i’m really hoping it’s just a little awkward too. I’m currently outside her house waiting for her to bring him out. Will do my best to keep everybody updated!! **10am:** Sorry for not updating sooner. I haven’t yet. She said he went to hide under the bed again and she refused to let me in because she “doesn’t let anybody into her personal space” and she refused to wait for longer because she had to go to work at 7am. She said when she gets back in the afternoon she would try and lure him out again with her friend. She told me her strategy was to basically open the door and let him run out and have me catch him because this “silliness is not worth getting clawed over”. The ONLY reason I haven’t gotten Rover involved yet is that I’m afraid that if they contact her she will be even less likely to give him back and she’ll fully stop replying to me altogether. She did call me when we were supposed to meet and she told me she was trying to put his leash on, which I’m holding on to for hope because if SHE reached out to me then maybe he’s safe and ok and she WANTS to give him back but she’s just extremely selfish and unprofessional. **10am:** For everybody waiting on an update: It is now 10am. I went to pick him up at 5am and was there outside her place until 7am trying to get him back. I haven’t gotten him back yet. She said he went to hide under the bed again and she refused to let me in because she “doesn’t let anybody into her personal space” and she refused to wait for longer because she had to go to work at 7am. She also repeatedly kept slamming the door in my face in the middle of my sentences. She said when she gets back in the afternoon she would try and lure him out again with her friend. She told me her strategy was to basically open the door and let him run out and have me catch him because this “silliness is not worth getting clawed over”. I just called Rover to find out what I can do and they’re going to contact her to find out what these “privacy concerns” are and why she won’t let me in to get him, and to ask if I can just go in really quick to grab him and then go right back out. She did call me when we were supposed to meet and she told me she was trying to put his leash on, which I’m holding on to for hope because if SHE reached out to me then maybe he’s safe and ok and she WANTS to give him back but she’s just extremely selfish and unprofessional. IF I haven’t gotten him back by tonight, I’ll getting the police involved. **Additional \~10am comments:** Just called \[Rover\]. They said the best they can do is call her to find out what the privacy issues are in terms of why she won’t let me in, and if there’s any way she could just let me in for a few seconds to grab my boy. They said they’ll call me back shortly. Nope, she’s at home, I’ve seen her and she’s come out and talked to me multiple times when I went to drop off more supplies last night because she said she had to go to bed and this morning when I was supposed to pick him up she was there but she said she had to “go to the store so she could be back in time for work” so she left her apartment, I waited for her to get back (she said she would try and lure him out again when she got back from the store), and when she got back she basically slammed the door in my face. She knows exactly where he is, she just says she can’t get him out because he won’t come when she calls him, and refuses to let me in despite me saying he is much more likely to come when I, as his mom, call him **11am:** Yes. \[Rover\] reached out to the sitter to find out why she isn’t letting me in. No response. I’m on the phone with them again to speak to their Trust and Visibility team because she told me the app “records everything” which is why she isn’t too bothered with pictures so I’m going to ask for a recording of him from today or preferably right now. And then as soon as I get off the phone with them I’m going to the police. Also, his collar has a tag with my phone number on it, so hopefully they would call me first. **12pm:** I just got off the phone with the cops, they’re going to go with me to get my cat. \- [**Petsitter won't let owner retrieve cat**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/z6hek5/petsitter_wont_let_owner_retrieve_cat/) posted in r/legaladvice by u/nutritionlabel on November 27, 2022 (4pm) Hi all, please view [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/RoverPetSitting/comments/z5wirz/sitter_wont_let_me_help_pick_upretrieve_cat/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) on the Rover subreddit for adtl context. My friend's cat was boarded overnight from Wednesday, 11/23, and was set for pickup last night on Saturday, 11/26 at 10 PM PST. She arrived early for pickup at 7 PM, but the sitter had issues retrieving the cat, and wouldn't let her in to assist as a last resort. The sitter asked her to return at 5 AM today (11/27) to retrieve him, as she had to sleep early for work. Strange, being that the initial pickup time was 10 PM. At 5 AM, the cat was again unable to be retrieved. As of last night, there has been no proof of life--no live photos, videos, etc. to prove the cat is actually in her care still. There were photos earlier in the booking, though. At 7 AM, the owner contacted Rover's support, who also couldn't get in contact with the sitter (their own contractor). They could not determine what privacy reasons prevented the sitter from letting the owner in. Around noon, she called the non-emergency line, who would only send a mediator to talk to both parties, and convince the sitter to let her in. The sitter, now at work, is unreachable. The emergency line/911 is then called, and the sheriff is sent to the owner's house. The police have now remarked that nothing can be done because there is no reasonable suspicion that the sitter is withholding the cat intentionally. They again can only send a mediator/civic officer to the house, IF the sitter is able to provide them with an availability. The sitter is unreachable still, so they cannot arrange for anyone to visit the house. The only course of action they suggest is pressing criminal charges, which would then allow a judge to issue a subpoena. Animal Control is on holiday at the moment, and is out of office until Tuesday. What is the next available course of action at the moment? We are fearful for the safety and well-being of a live animal, but I am more suspicious that the cat is not well/missing, and the sitter is buying time. Does she press charges, or is there another way to insist the police check on the wellfare of the sitter/animal? The sitter has been "at work" since 7/8 AM PST, and it is now 4 PM PST. She has been unreachable, even after the owner has communicated that law enforcement has been involved. This pertains to NorCal/San Jose area. Thank you! \- [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/RoverPetSitting/comments/z5wirz/comment/iy1d91h/?context=3) from u/nutritionlabel November 27, 2022 (4pm) Law enforcement has been contacted, but there is nothing in place that allows them to enter/demand entry. The sitter is apparently still at work, and has been unreachable, even after she has communicated that law enforcement needs to work with her. Unfortunately, there is no substantial update I can give because the civil/non-emergency officers won't stick around for longer than 20-30 minutes, and we cannot get in touch with the sitter to get an estimate of when she'll be home. She's not being treated as a criminal, so all we're waiting on is an opportunity for mediation. I haven't had the best input on the legal advice sub either, as we're looking for "loopholes" to get the officers to revisit her house without a warrant. All this to say, law enforcement came and went. Please visit the post on [r/legaladvice](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/) [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/z6hek5/petsitter_wont_let_owner_retrieve_cat/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) if you have any further advice or wish for an update. Sorry this isn't more positive. We are hoping for the best for Cheese. \- **Comments** from u/nutritionlabel November 27, 2022 **6pm:** Thank you, we'll look into filing a report with Animal Control ASAP. I also feel like he's missing at this point, if not long before. It will probably be a separate legal issue entirely then regarding the sitter's liability. **7pm:** She tried to contact Animal Control, but they're closed until Tuesday. I might suggest calling 911 if they have an emergency line though. **7:30pm:** Nope, we cannot be sure of the sitter's whereabouts at all anymore. We know she left the house in the morning, and has been unreachable by the owner AND Rover since then. I believe she has been back to snoop around the house, but there are blinds that prevent you from looking in. I asked to see the sitter's profile immediately yesterday, and it's glowing. 15 or so verified stays, 5-star reviews commending her for her communication and skill. \- [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/RoverPetSitting/comments/z5wirz/comment/iy27yue/?context=3) from u/guccigrandma_ November 27, 2022 (8pm) Another update (I’m the owner): * called the cops. They can’t physically open the door or anything and they just recommended I press criminal charges. * it is 8:24pm. I am currently waiting near her house for a pair of Civil Standby officers to escort me to her house to try and get him back. They cannot FORCE anything but they can mediate to make sure the situation doesn’t escalate and get violent. Additionally, this is one of the most unsafe streets in the area so I am very scared to be here at night, so I will have to leave around 9:30 if the officers haven’t arrived by then. The dispatcher was unable to give me an ETA but said that the officers will try to be here ASAP. * she FINALLY replied to me around 7:30pm. She was very angry that I “lied to Rover” by telling them she wasn’t giving me an ETA. She said I need to come through NOW because if I’m not here by the time she “gets too comfortable and falls asleep” she’s not opening the door for me and I’ll have to “try again another time”. She’s also “extending the stay” on Rover so this could def be an attempt to extort money from me. * if I don’t get him back TONIGHT I’m filing charges first thing tomorrow morning. * Several people have been asking where this is all happening. This situation is taking place in San Jose, CA. I understand that everybody is eager for an update and I am extremely grateful for the support. But there really hasn’t been an update in that I STILL don’t have him back yet. I was supposed to have him back 24 hours ago. Also, I’ll do my best to keep everybody updated but I am trying to just hold myself together enough to get him back. I haven’t slept in like 2 days and I haven’t been able to eat at all today because I’m too nauseous and anxious to get anything down so please be patient with me. I’d like to also give a GINORMOUS hug to my friend that posted this thread. She’s been constantly there for me the entire day and checking in and doing everything she can to help me out. She’s also been posting updates on my behalf when I was too emotionally messed up to. \- **Comment** from u/guccigrandma_ November 27, 2022 (9pm) Cops are currently knocking at her door. My dad and I are waiting in my car nearby for an update. They’ve been up there for some time so I’m hoping they made progress. \- **Update** from u/nutritionlabel November 27, 2022 (10pm) UPDATE 2 11/27 10 PM: The police have entered the sitter's house, while the owner observed from outside. Legally, they could not force the sitter to allow entry. CHEESE WAS SPOTTED! Unfortunately, they again had issues retrieving him, as he was under furniture. The sitter did ask police to leave her house, and communicated to them that she will contact the owner tomorrow for another pickup. It's infuriating that there is this much red tape, but at least he's safe and located. If she does not allow the owner in again tomorrow, then the police will return. \- [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/RoverPetSitting/comments/z5wirz/comment/iy4fytu/?context=3) from u/guccigrandma on November 28, 2022 (10am) Hi everybody, One more update morning of 11/28 10AM: * sitter told me to come back at 1pm and she told me to call animal control (she’s willing to let animal control inside) because they’ll have the tools to trap him but no animal control in my area is available today. However, all the animal control 3rd party agencies I called said all they would do is trap Cheese (my cat) in a cage that they would lure him into using sardines. Given how motivated he is by food, I’m thinking if I can make the cage look like his cave bed, especially if I use my blanket that he loves, he might be more likely to go in. * I’m going to be going with civil standby officers to her house again today because she let them in yesterday. Unfortunately because he is considered property, the emergency cops say they can’t do anything because it would be civil jurisdiction and not criminal (which is BULLSHIT and I am honestly LIVID about it but there still isn’t anything I can do about it) but the civil standby officers yesterday were able to go inside her home and spot Cheese (they told me he is safe and uninjured, just extremely scared) so I’m assuming she’ll let them in today as well. Hopefully with the combination of the cops and the trap, I’ll be able to get him home today. Honestly I’m just fucking exhausted and sad and I’m doing everything I possibly can to get my poor baby back. I just hate everything right now and I’m so stressed but I’m trying so hard to think positively; the cops said she was pretty adamant on getting him back to me because she’s fed up about the situation (even though she STILL won’t let me into her residence??) and I talked on the phone with the sitter this morning and she was relatively cooperative. I’m just so so tired and I just want him back. ALSO, I saw that some people have found the sitter on Rover. If you have, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE ANY NEGATIVE REVIEWS UNTIL I HAVE CHEESE BACK. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO CONTACT HER. PLEASE. SHE IS ALREADY EXTREMELY ANGRY AND WE DO NOT NEED HER TO BE ANY LESS COOPERATIVE THAN SHE IS AT THIS MOMENT. \- [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/RoverPetSitting/comments/z5wirz/comment/iy73i05/?context=3) from u/guccigrandma on November 28, 2022 (10pm) Update 11/28 10PM: * STILL haven’t gotten him back. * police really cannot do anything to force her to let me in so I decided my ONLY option to get him soon would be to work with her and try to figure out what can be done without going inside * I bought and set up a Havahart cat trap (they are humane) and placed sardines inside. around 3pm today, I gave it to her and she took it inside but he still isn’t getting in. She hasn’t fed him today because we are hoping that when he gets hungry enough he will go into the cage by himself. * if he isn’t inside the cage by the time she wakes up tomorrow I’m calling a local Animal Trapper because she is willing to let animal control in. This trapper has been extremely helpful and optimistic; she really believes that eventually Cheese WILL get hungry and curious enough to go inside the cage to get the sardines. But apparently domesticated cats usually take longer to get in because they’re not AS hungry. However, if he doesn’t, she will use her catchpoke (stick with loop at the end she can use to drag him into the trap) to force him into the trap. It sucks because he’ll be terrified and will hate it but at this point since the sitter is STILL not letting me in and I have no fucking laws that are on my side here that would force her to let me in so that is my only option * will update when I can tomorrow. I REALLY REALLY need success stories about trapping cats. I need to hear about ANY AND ALL times you guys have been successful in trapping cats. My anxiety is going haywire and I’m so beyond worried he won’t get into the trap or that the animal trapper won’t be able to reach him if he goes under the bed. I just need reassurance that we’ll be able to trap him. I need to be able to breathe through tonight. Please also send any positive stories about owners being reunited with their pets. PLEASE no stories that ended without a reunion, I really don’t need to hear that right now. Thank you 💞 EDIT 11/29 6:30AM: * HE IS SUCCESSFULLY TRAPPED IN THE CAGE!!!! I AM SO FUCKING HAPPYYYYY!!! * the sitter told me to go pick him up at 8:30am. I double checked that she’s able to pick up and move the cage as she previously stated she’s not physical enough to move the bed and I just really don’t want any more obstacles (he’s a big cat around 15lbs) and she said she’s sure she can. I am so happy right now. EDIT 11/29 9AM: THE UPDATE YOU’VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!! HE IS SAFELY AT HOME WITH HIS FAMILY!!! Will write more later but rn just spending time with him!! \- **Update** from u/nutritionlabel November 29, 2022 (9am) FINAL UPDATE 11/29 9 AM: CHEESE IS HOME! The owner will make an update at some point, but thanks for all your support and care for Cheese. See her update [here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/RoverPetSitting/comments/z5wirz/sitter_wont_let_me_help_pick_upretrieve_cat/iy90hio?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) \- [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/RoverPetSitting/comments/z5wirz/comment/iy90hio/?context=3) from u/guccigrandma_ November 29, 2022 (9:30am) 11/29 9:30AM- (SEMI) FINAL UPDATE THAT YOU HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR: CHEESE IS FINALLY BACK HOME WITH HIS FAMILY!! WE ARE SO FUCKIMG HAPPY RIGHT WE MISSED HIM SO MUCH AND WE WERE SO WORRIED!!! I picked him up about an hour ago. I’m gonna spend today just chilling with him and then tomorrow I’m gonna start figuring out what to do to make sure nobody else goes through this. thank you to everybody for the support!!! knowing that so many people were looking out for my baby was so helpful in keeping my morale up. ESPECIALLY thankful for OP (my homegirl and also former housemate in college <3) for everything she has done for me, from making this post to checking in on me regularly to posting in the legal advice subreddit to find out what all options I had in this situation. Idk how to post pics in a Reddit comment, but here is a link to one of my previous posts with some pictures of my silly boy <3 [https://www.reddit.com/r/CatsCalledFood/comments/x64bun/my\_cat\_cheese\_just\_adopted\_him\_last\_month\_and\_we/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=iossmf](https://www.reddit.com/r/CatsCalledFood/comments/x64bun/my_cat_cheese_just_adopted_him_last_month_and_we/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) **Comments** from u/guccigrandma_ November 29, 2022 **1pm:** He is his normal silly snuggly self!! He hid in the closet for a few minutes but was immediately in my lap after that. And of course loudly meowing for breakfast which I missed 💞 I had to go to work so I don’t know how he’s doing at the moment but I’ll be home in about 2 hours so I’ll do my best to update one more time on his behavior then!! edit: another update about his behavior- He’s a little bit shier than he was before I dropped him off at the sitter (he sat in the closet a few times today whenever there were unexpected noises in the house, such as the roomba that my parents auto set to turn on at 4pm every day and also my brother doing burpees in his room LOL but him being a little scared is to be expected given what a stressful situation he was just in) but overall he is doing well!! He is currently lying on my tummy enjoying butt scratches. I am still recovering from the experience as well, I still get somewhat nervous that I’m gonna wake up and it was just a dream that I got him back or something and I’m not fully back to my normal self but both Cheese and I will be healed soon 💞 **Various all around 11pm:** It definitely didn’t make sense. She said she was too afraid to pick him up because he “had his claws out” (because he was scared) and “it isn’t worth getting scratched over such silliness”. She also said if he scratches her she WOULD go to the hospital and I would have to pay her hospital bills (I told Rover support about this and they said that according to the business contract sitters have with Rover that’s simply not true). My cat allows me to put him into his carrier. He’s not thrilled about it, but he doesn’t let his claws out and he just gives in to the fact that he’s gonna get into the carrier. But even when I told her that she refused to let me in. She was upset that the situation hadn’t been resolved but refused to let me in even though I’d be the most likely to be able to resolve it. She refused to even open her front door enough for me to properly see Cheese. I was able to see him after he had turned around, but he wouldn’t have been able to see me because I wasn’t even in the doorway yet before he turned around and walked away. But she said the fact that he “turned around after seeing me” made it clear that even if I went inside to call him that wouldn’t work because he “doesn’t like me”. It was absolute bullshit that made NO sense at all but he’s back home with me now which is all that matters. \- Idk what sitter you found but if it’s the same one that others found (not sure who they found either tho) but I’m p sure y’all have found the correct one. Haven’t had the energy to leave a review today but I plan to leave a review and a written statement tomorrow !! \- I most definitely didn’t accept \[an extension of the booking\]!! Rover also told me not to accept it and they said they’re giving me a full refund too \- [**Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/RoverPetSitting/comments/z5wirz/comment/iy90hio/?context=3) (via edit) from u/guccigrandma_ November 30, 2022 (10am) **Edit** 11/30 10AM: * Just spoke to Rover, they want to get my written statement about the situation so that they can do a safety evaluation on the sitter. They also have copies of our correspondence since almost all of it was via text, and she has sent me some extremely rude messages that clearly show she has no empathy/concern for either me or Cheese, so I will definitely tell them to look through our messages as well. \- **Comments** from u/guccigrandma_ November 30, 2022 (11am) All of those messages were before I got Cheese back. There has been no correspondence since I got him back and I plan to keep it that way. I have no idea if she actually attempted, to be honest, as she refused to even let me GLANCE inside to see how she was trying to put Cheese inside the carrier. She DID extend the stay (she modified the booking to reflect the added time) but of course I did not accept it. So it definitely looks like she was trying to extort me or something. But on the other hand, she kept saying she was angry this was going on so long because she has other bookings coming up so she needs him out, but was doing pretty much nothing to actually facilitate getting him out of her apartment and back to me. \- Yep, he was a rescue!! I adopted him a few months ago and he is 4 years old, and I have no idea what he went through before I adopted him, but it’s clear it’s hard for him to trust others. This was my first time using a cat sitter (apart from really soon after I adopted him which is a long story, but the sitter allowed me inside to put him in his carrier). The cops basically stated that I have no right to know anything about her room/apartment and her life if she does not give consent. They refused to tell me ANYTHING and just said that they don’t fault her for not letting a stranger in, despite me repeatedly saying that she has my CAT (my property) and they said they couldn’t do anything about it unless I pressed criminal charges, in which case a judge might be willing to issue a warrant to search and seize my cat back, but then they told me that this would be a civil case because he is my property, not criminal, so there’s nothing I could do to get my cat back through a legal approach. The cop then shamed me for using Rover in the first place and said she doesn’t let anybody other than friends and family sit her dog. Obviously I would’ve preferred that too, but none of my friends nor family was available to catsit. It was a COMMENTER that ultimately told me I might be able to go through a magistrate to get a search warrant even on a civil case. I’m really grateful for that advice but by the time I saw it I’m pretty sure he was already in the cat trap. And Cheese is doing very well now. He’s eating a bit less than before, but he’s already back to refusing to get off my lap which I missed. It’s hilarious because the sitter literally called Rover in FRONT of me and tried to tell them that she thought Cheese is scared of me and that’s why he wouldn’t get into the carrier (which again doesn’t make sense but nothing about this situation does). \- Just to clarify- she never let me in for anything. She didn’t even let me get within a foot of her doorway and refused to open the door more than just the space needed for her to look outside the door. I felt so guilty at first for leaving my cat with a sitter rather than friends or family until I remembered that she had really good reviews so this wasn’t my fault. The cops seemed so apathetic to my situation, but I didn’t have a good view of them to begin with. I only called them because I felt like maybe when she saw them she would be intimidated enough to let me in. I haven’t left a review on her account yet, and here’s why- * I’m not sure how rover reviews work and if sitters can respond to reviews, because if they can I have NO DOUBT that if she can, she would do everything possible to make ME look bad and she’s a pro at adding in false details. I’m worried that somebody would see her response to me, believe her over me, and book with her anyway. IF somebody confirms to me that sitters cannot respond to reviews, I will absolutely leave a review. * THAT BEING SAID, I am going to give a written statement to Rover (currently just waiting for their email with the sheet where I can write the statement) that goes into very close little details. Hopefully they will ban her. Either way, as long as I get confirmation that sitters can’t respond to reviews, I will leave a negative review.

minnieboss

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zet4gi/sitter_wont_let_me_help_pick_upretrieve_cat/

zet4gi

Greatest experience!

NEW UPDATE

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QueenNaava

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zevj09/greatest_experience/

zevj09

OOP caves into temptation and ate the Forbidden Snack

CONCLUDED

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/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zew5vf/oop_caves_into_temptation_and_ate_the_forbidden/

zew5vf

OOP caves to temptation and ate the Forbidden Snack

CONCLUDED

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/2cookieparties **in** r/forbiddensnacks trigger warnings: >!coriander haters !< mood spoilers: >!funny!< # [Why do I have such a strong desire to bite into this hotel soap?](https://www.reddit.com/r/forbiddensnacks/comments/z6ywqs/why_do_i_have_such_a_strong_desire_to_bite_into/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - 29th November 2022 [Image of a delicous looking, clear, hotel soap](https://i.redd.it/2kho0kyx0r2a1.jpg) ​ >Commentor: Lmao why tho 😂😂😂 > >OOP: It looks like a delicious gummy   # [Update: I bit the soap but I regret my decision](https://www.reddit.com/r/forbiddensnacks/comments/z7g5w2/update_i_bit_the_soap_but_i_regret_my_decision/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - 29th Nov 2022 later in the day [Image of a delicous looking, clear, hotel soap with a bite clearly taken out of the top left corner](https://i.redd.it/v7frf6n7au2a1.jpg) ​ >Commentor: I know what soap that is. Can’t think of the name but I remember the smell from a long time ago. It smelled like food if I recall. > >OOP: Yes!!! Omg and the matching hotel shampoo and conditioner smelled like buttered popcorn jelly beans ​ >Commentor:Please elaborate about the taste > >OOP: just tasted like soap but the texture was kind of nice and gummy ​ >Commentor:Intrusive thoughts won > >OOP:But I lost   **Reminder - I am not the original poster. Also please don't eat soap now matter how delicious looking or smelling it is.**

Shinyiest

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zewbpu/oop_caves_to_temptation_and_ate_the_forbidden/

zewbpu

OOP's boyfriend cheats on her with her best friend

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/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zf3zcn/oops_boyfriend_cheats_on_her_with_her_best_friend/

zf3zcn

[Non-reddit] The Bobbit Worm Chronicles

EXTERNAL

This is a series of posts originally made to the Michigan Reefers website back in 2009, which hosts a forum for people who are into salt water aquariums. I don't know if non-reddit posts are allowed, but I was thinking about this saga recently and decided to share it. The thread is located [here](https://www.michiganreefers.com/threads/the-bobbit-worm-chronicles.84173/). This post contains the comments from the original poster, as well as a couple of responses that provide context or other information. Responses to OOP will be quoted. To provide context, "live rock" is a rock-like substance made of the remains of dead coral. Its introduced into salt water aquariums because it provides space for many forms of micro and macroscopic marine life which are necessary for the health of the tank. Live rock is available both "dry" and "wet." Wet is preferred because it comes with the marine life already established in the rock and on its surface. The danger of wet rock, however, is that undesirable stowaways may come with it. That is what happened to OOP, and this is the story of dealing with the unwanted specimen. **Post 1 ((March 7, 2009):** So I have discovered that I have a Bobbit Worm. He is through my main piece of lace rock (90 lbs dry) so I can not remove the rock. He has polished off a beautiful rock anemone and I fear for my Rics, and well, everything else. Here is my plan. I am looking for alternatives or a better way. Since I can't take out the rock I consulted my Sun Tzu The Art of War book and decided to befriend an enemy and then poison him when he does not expect it. I have been feeding him by hand (really tweezers) for three nights now. He shows up at the spot a couple of hours after the lights go out. My plan is to inject a shrimp with copper. Wash it off the outside and feed it to him. Will it work? I know I risk killing some good stuff but it is better than tearing the entire tank apart. BTW I suggest everyone get a red light and check their tanks after the lights go out. I am finding many people have these ugly things. Post 2 (March 7, 2009): > O.K. these worms, I believe can be as long as 9 ft. I also wouldn't like the idea of copper. I have never had to deal one either, but I think I would try to lure into a trap first. If that failed I probably get frustrated and go for decapitation as you're feeding the monster. He never comes more than 4 inches out of his hole. He won't go for it. they never actually leave the holes they have. Can't cut him in two because they are segmented worms. Cut him in two and now you have two. Deb, I will be ready with cupersorb and carbon. Plus I have 350 gallons of water and two good protein skimmers (which you know :)) so my thought is a drop of copper isn't going to hurt. I know him dying in the rocks will cause a mass polution. I would rather fight that then tear the tank apart. For those who don't know these things can be four to five feet long. What a nightmare!! They are so wary and fast if you move a little they are gone. Plus they are really good about not being yanked out of their holes. They must have 10,000 legs. When they put them all in reverse it is hard to stop. I thought about a trout hook. Boy would that be a good picture. I am just not sure he would swallow it far enough. (Editor's note: OOPs concern is that killing the worm in place will release a lot of nitrogen into the tank as it decays, which seriously affects the health of the tank. See [here](https://www.aquariumcoop.com/blogs/aquarium/nitrogen-cycle) for a basic explanation.) **Response:** > For those you don't know this is potentially what slapshot is dealing with. Watch the top video. [dead link] I read that they can reach 12ft. and crush rock with their jaws. So please watch your fingers. (Eidotrs Note: Original link is dead, so [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=refnOdW49rw) is an alternative video. Note that the worm in this video has been cut into three pieces.) **Response:** > Get a male bobbit worm and if your existing is a male, they will fight. If its a female, the will mate. Then, the female worm attacks the male penis and feeds it to her young after mating... The male will be go beserk and you can find both the adults nearby easily. The bad point, you have to search high and low for the young ones if they had scram off. **Response:** > The unfortunate part is that they are a segmented worm, that if chopped in half it will grow new mouth and you will have two. These are nasty beasts. Step one,pick a poison,that is reef safe maybe try feeding him that two part epoxy you stick stuff to rocks with ,take one part soak in something delicious same with other part mix and feed. hopefully it clogs him up it may take a few feedings to really bind him up so fill him up and cross your fingers. **Post 3 (March 8, 2009):** Thanks Kirby that just made my day. Any knowledge you have would be appreciated. What if I kept feeding him copper laced shrimp? Still don't think it will kill him? I think there are a lot more of these around then people know. My pal Cobras had one and while I was thanking God I didn't I decided to watch the tank with a red light. Bam there he was. He has been in there a long time. He has at least 5 interconnected holes all through the rock. I saw a shadow eating my rock anemone. Just a flash in the dark. It was him for sure. So he can get to a least two sides of the tank. I think they are around more then we think. Probably only show up in old systems when they get big enough to start hunting for large prey. A guy in Choice yesterday pulled out his phone and showed me a 3 footer he found in his 70 gallon. He destroyed the entire tank to get him out. It was the same width as mine so I have to assume he is at least that long. Most people would never know they have one. I thought I knew every creature in my little ocean. A red light and then luck that he comes out is the only way to see them. Lab for sure some LR. Who knows how long ago. At least I can keep feeding him so he leaves everything alone. But, that will cause him to grow. It looks like he eats then hides for several days. I know his main nest is under a huge encrusting cap at the bottom of my lace rock. Paul they are so fast and timid it would be really hard to grab him. Any sound and he is gone. I unlocked the garage door the first time which is a good 15 feet away from the tank and he was gone. I keep getting up at night and checking to see if he is out. Well maybe time to pull everything out. man, I really don't want to do that. **Post 4 (March 10, 2009):** Round one to me. It's 3:30 am and I just fed him a krill that I stuck 1/8 of an intercept pill into. He grabbed it and swallowed it whole then flew back into his hole. I thought I would start with intercept as it won't hurt the corals. Hopefully, that is the end, as that is enough for a small dog. 1/8 of 100 lbs = a 12.5 lbs dog. We shall see. BOOWAHAHAHAHAHAA :hang3: I did not read the super glue idea. I will try that next if this did not work. Don't tell PETA! **Post 5 (March 10, 2009):** Well, he did not come back for seconds, as he usually does. I guess we will know in the next couple of nights. I'm sure he is not feeling so good this morning. I showed some of the pictures to my wife and told her it could be three feet long. Her only comment was...."get it out of here, NOW!" **Post 6 (March 11, 2009):** So here is the update. He was back last night begging for food. So either the intercept did not work or it has not yet worked. So he got another krill this time I filled it with Super Glue Gel. I am hoping he is having a hard time opening his mouth today. :3195: **Post 7 (March 11, 2009):** > I guess if by no problems you mean loosing crabs and shrimp isn't a big deal then sure....no problem. (Assuming interceptor will even kill it.) Maybe the worm already ate all the crabs and shrimp making it even less of a problem. > If it were me, I would have a certain satisfaction from ripping that thing out of the tank and tossing it in the yard... The problem is Jim the rock he is in would be nearly impossible to remove. It is a 90lbs "dry" lace rock that is now covered in SPS (**EN:** small-polyped scleractinian, a type of coral). I will get to that if nothing else works. I just finished treating the tank for Red Bug. So the system just got three full treatments and he came flying through. I did put appro. a 1/8 of a large dog pill in the shrimp and he ate that. That was a little over 24 hours ago. I am hoping it has not had a chance to work yet. If he is out tonight I will feed him half a pill. I mean come on at some point it has to kill him! **Response:** > you need to get rid of it. I did a little research and they can grow up to 10 feet in length, but average about three. At four inches, they are sexually mature. > They are predatory, and not scavengers. They burrow themselves in sand/gravel and send out a feeler. When a fish triggers a feeler, the worm springs into action with enough speed and force to cut the fish in half. > Only two other groups of polychaetes, the Family Eunicidae, and the Family Lysaretidae contain large worms that are commonly found in reef aquaria. The first of these groups, the eunicid worms, is a large diverse group with over 200 species. The second, the lysaretid worms, is a small group with only about ten or fifteen described species; unfortunately, the lysaretid worms are predatory and deadly to many reef aquarium inhabitants. Even more unfortunately, they are reasonably common in live rock > Here are some facts on these nasty a@@,s... > Commonly know as Bobbit Worm, the reason why he got this lovely name is due to the fact that the female worm attacks the male penis and feeds it to her young after mating... > The most common size for the worm is around 1 meter. But they have been reports of some specimens that where is the size range of 3 meters. **Post 8 (March 11, 2009):** > how many gallons is your system? 350 gallons. I'm not worried about the system or the corals and if/when he dies I will keep the system stable with water changes. He eats directly what I have been feeding him, so it really won't get into the water. If it does, like I said, I just finished the full interceptor treatment so it won't hurt anything. If things follow the normal pattern he won't be out tonight but will tomorrow. Hopefully the intercept is getting into his system and the glue has him all stopped up. If he comes out I will give him the whole dose, at least as much as I can fit into the shrimp. **Post 9 (March 13, 2009): ** Have not seen him since the glue laden shrimp. Two nights now. I have my fingers crossed he is dead or dying. Maybe he is stuck inside his lair. I will check tonight. **Post 10 (March 14, 2009):** Well "the ***** is back". This time I saw him moving from the top of the tank to the cap. He is 24 inches long. Lucky me he is still small. :wacko: I had him with my clamp but he got away. After I let him settle down, I made a nice shrimp cocktail just to tell him I was sorry. I added 1/2 of a large dog intercept pill this time. I had to hollow out the shrimp and then crazy glue it back together. Added a piece of glass with the glue. He swallowed the entire thing! Man am I nuts or what? 3:00 in the morning and I am toiling over a little shrimp with an exacto knife and glue and broken glass. :jester: If this does not work I don't know what to try next. Maybe what Kirby said. As long as he will eat what I give him I will keep trying. This time I used a whole large krill. Now that I know he can swallow that maybe I'll try a whole one full of glue, assuming the intercept did not work. There is no way I would have seen him without the red light. I tried under the moon light and could not see him even when he was out. As soon as any light goes on he is gone. At least I know he is not out hunting anything as I am sure he is full for the night. **Post 11 (March 16, 2009):** Ding dong the witch is dead! I think. It has been 48 hours since she ate the glass ladened 1/2 of a pill shrimp and I have not seen her at all. I tried to feed a regular shrimp outside her door and nothing...that's a first. Then I blocked the door with a little piece of rubble and it was not moved this morning. I think I got her! :dance3: Gota start checking my nitrates :triniti: **Post 12 (March 17, 2009):** No Bobbit! No Bobbit! nothing is moved, yea!!!! Day 3, I am pretty sure he is dead now. I have never not seen him for 3 nights and the rock is still in front of his hole. Hurray for Sun Tzu maybe the man had an aquarium. **Post 13 (March 18, 2009):** No Bobbit fourth night. Ammonia is 0 and nitrates went from .5 to 1 ppm. Did a water change but all seems well and Bobbitless. Now all I need is to be able to sleep again, it seems I have gotten used to getting up a 3. Thanks all for your help. I hope this helps someone in the future. **Post 14 (March 20, 2009):** $#!^ he is still alive! He was out during the day this time. Maybe he is sick, you know, kind of like the rabid skunk. I guess I'll try the super glue again. 5 nights I thought for sure I had him. **Post 15 (March 21, 2009):** So he is for sure weak. I can tell by how hard he grabbed my latest offering. I took the tail off of a large shrimp and pulled the meat out. This left a hollow tail. I filled this with super glue. Then I used a small piece of the tail meat to close it off again. Then I teased him a bit with it to piss him off so he grabs it and swallows it hard. Bang, he grabbed it and put it in his mouth. I can see him now as he is sitting at the top of the rock with about 1/8 of the tail sticking out of his mouth. He is clearly struggling trying to get it down. So this may just end up sealing up his throat. It was a lot of glue! Not sure how long it will take to starve him or is the glue itself will kill him but here we go again with the late nights. **Response:** > Guess what was just found in the blue reef aquarium in Newquay, England.. U guessed it! > Here's the [link](https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/5016366/Giant-sea-worm-that-attacked-coral-reef-caught-by-aquarium-staff.html)to the article. [Another source](https://theseoultimes.com/ST/?url=/ST/db/read.php%3fidx=8145) has a picture of the beast. > So it's just a matter of time til I find one gouging my corals or fish or .... **Post 16 (March 24, 2009):** Got a new plan. He did not show up but I am working hard on this. I took a syringe and injected an empty pill casing full of Prazi. I managed to get almost 2 ccs in there. I sealed it with a bit of super glue. I will put the pill in the shrimp. It is way more prazi then I could have gotten in him by just injecting the shrimp plus it will open up inside him no chance of leakage into the tank. Until he dies anyway. 2 ccs is not enough to do any damage to my reef given my water volume. He did not show up last night so me and my pill wait. **Post 17 (March 25, 2009):** Well the pill thing was a bust. It was too big once wrapped in the shrimp. I tried a smaller one but he bit it and it exploded. I then just injected the shrimp, about .2ccs and he ate that quickly. Probably not enough but I will feed him every morning an injected shrimp and maybe it will build up in him. I will have to look for a smaller pill I guess. Well, back to the drawing board. The good news is i have him eating at 6:00 a.m. They are pretty trainable. If this thread has not creeped you out enough watch this video. There is a pretty good shot of his head at the end. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DIpMomEpa0Q **Post 18 (March 28, 2009):** Well I went fishing tonight and look what I caught: https://i157.photobucket.com/albums/t74/TSCWB/bobbit.jpg The bad news is after a 40 minute struggle, yes I said 40 minutes, he broke in two. This is about 18 inches of him. If my last guess was right then 6 inches including the head got away. Somehow the hook ended up catching the back of him. I don't know how. So we fought and I eventually grabbed him with my tweezers. He dug in and so did I. I have won the battle with many a fish in my day but this one takes the cake. I could not budge him. So I kept constant tension on him hoping he would tire. Then when I thought I had some movement I pulled just a little and he broke. **** so close!! I don't know what happens now but there is no sign of him. I am so grossed out I can't sleep. He is far grosser in person. Yuck. Maybe I got enough that he will die or maybe he needs to heal and will be out looking for food tomorrow.....I don't know. For now I won the first battle. Now I have to get the rest!!:fie: **Post 19 (March 30, 2009):** > Slapshot, this saga is a real cliffhanger! I cannot stop reading! Good luck on your quest for "the other half" :butcher: I would use Ivomec, you can get it from Tractor Supply. It is meant to deworm cattle. I use it for my dogs in a much lower dose of course. I use 1ml/10 pounds of dog weight. This kills worms and parasites, I feel it will certainly work. In any case good luck! I should have titled the tread "The Bobbit Chronicles". I'll keep that in mind. It is more of a centipede then a worm. I have been doing some research, some segmented worms need to have a certain portion of them to live. For instance the band on a night crawler. It looked to me I got the "band". I am hopeful that the rest will just die. I do believe the Prazi was having some effect as he has not been as aggressive in grabbing the shrimp. Maybe now that there is not so much of him it will take it's toll. I have not seen hide nor hair of him since. I am sure he need recovery time if he is in fact still alive. My pal Cobras now has his Bobbit eating from his tweezers so he will start the Prazi process soon. BTW I can not describe the chill and feelings as I was pulling that thing out of its hole and it kept coming and coming. Just plain gross. The things of nightmares for sure. Thanks guys for all the encouragement. **Post 20 (april 3, 2009):** Still no sign of him :) I have tried holding food as I always did in "his" spot and nothing. :) I am starting to think....just maybe.....he is gone. :dance3: **Post 21 (April 6, 2009):** Still no sign of him. **Post 22 (April 11, 2009):** Still no sign, looks like it died. The area it was in was covered with those little Brittle Stars last night. Must have been 50 that I could see. Hope it was Thanksgiving for them....bobbit style!! **Post 22 (April 22, 2009):** Thanks so much. I just hope I don't have to write the sequel, "Return Of The Bobbit Worm! Still no sign of him, all levels are fine. **(EN: Note the 4 month time jump)** **Post 23 (August 15, 2009):** Well here is the sequel...The Return of the Bobbit Worm. This for sure this time is the final chapter. The worm came back. I thought, hoped I had gotten enough of him to kill him but I guess not. My beautiful blue sponge started getting eaten at night. So I staked out the tank again with my red light. Sure enough at 1:00 A.M., there he was enjoying his dinner. But this time he was on one of the smaller pillars. So I turned on a flash light and watched where he went. Right into a giant rock that was the base of the pillar. Giant but removable this time. So I got busy. I removed the rock and all the poor sps on it. I broke many:(. I squirted hot water into the hole I saw him retract into....nothing! **** did he get out? Then I saw him at another hole. I broke the rock into three pieces and there he was. I grabbed him and pulled but he broke into two again. I had another 18 inch piece. But, I am closing in now! I chisled away at the direction he went and bingo there he was all coiled up into a 1 inch area. Yep one inch. When he was exposed he started to crawl out of the rock. OK sick!!!! Don't mind saying it creeped me out. All 18 inches of him was crawling along the driveway. That means before round one he was probably 4 feet long! I picked him up, with my tweezers and put him in a bucket. Here he is not very happy, which makes me real happy! My poor neighbors, I must have looked pretty funny out there at 2:00 in the morning smashing rocks. https://i157.photobucket.com/albums/t74/TSCWB/th_Bobbit002.jpg So I loaded him up and took him to Choice. It was one of my happiest reefing moments. So he is now on display at Choice, for all to see what the devil in our systems looks like. Really, it will make a nice Sunday drive. BTW I also removed 3 quart jars full of coral frags and epoxy pieces from his lair....two quarts!!! So enjoy the video and the nightmare it will bring. A true horror flick. May you never discover one of those in your system! **Response:** > I also have had a bobbit worm probably for over 3 years and have not been successful at destroying him. IT has devoured hundreds and maybe thousands of dollars of corals and fish. I borrowed Slapshot's Sun Tzu The Art of War book and decided to befriend an enemy. I picked up fish hooks with no success. I tried mouse traps baited with Florida gorgonias. It was lured into these traps but the traps could not close quick enough in the water. Picked up a heavy Duty rat trap and again baited with fresh gorgonia. It hit the gorg but did not set off the trap. Rebaited the trap but the destroyer played possum for several days. Rebaited again tonight and Bamm here it is. It is disgusting. It was caught in the jaws of the trap and the #&*%*&% would not die. While still in the trap I was able to hold onto his head and pull it out - it's over 5 feet long. > http://i463.photobucket.com/albums/qq360/BCARROLL02/BOBBIT2002.jpg > http://i463.photobucket.com/albums/qq360/BCARROLL02/BOBBIT2003.jpg > http://i463.photobucket.com/albums/qq360/BCARROLL02/BOBBIT2005.jpg Bonus video: [Bobbit worm vs Lionfish](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3H4J5QDQeA4)

daemin

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zf4uez/nonreddit_the_bobbit_worm_chronicles/

zf4uez

AITA for not answering any contact from work while on maternity leave?

REPOST

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** [u/Big\_Bumblebee\_5795](https://www.reddit.com/u/Big_Bumblebee_5795/) **in** r/AmItheAsshole trigger warnings: NONE ​   [**AITA for not answering any contact from work while on maternity leave?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/mm0dw6/aita_for_not_answering_any_contact_from_work/) \- 7th April 2021 I work for my cousin. We're in the same field, but he owns a business. I started working for him 5 years ago and worked my way up to second or third in command at his fairly small company. I took 9 months of maternity leave, starting 2 weeks before my due date. My child is now 6 months old, meaning I am currently in my 7th month of leave, and go back to work in about 10 weeks. During the last 7 months, there's been a few crises at work. They called me and I fixed it. They should not have been doing this, due to my maternity leave, but I didn't mention it because these were legitimate crises, and most of the time it was my cousin asking. However, because I'm entering the end of my leave, I want some time completely free of work, to recharge before I have to dive back in. So, starting 2 weeks ago, I stopped answering my phone. At some point it died so I put it in a drawer, and haven't plugged it in since. I have a landline for emergencies, a laptop to keep in touch with people, and a TV for entertainment, so I'm enjoying the break from the phone without issue. However, my cousin tried to call me about a week ago to get help with a client I handle. I had passed this client on to someone else, but something went wrong, my cousin called me to help, and because I didn't answer, we lost the client. I knew their contract was up for renewal, but I didn't think there would be any issues, so I saw no reason to check my phone. My cousin has told our family what happened. He's furious with me for not having my phone turned on when I knew that client would be up for renewal. He also says that as I had been answering my phone this whole time, I should have warned someone that I would be uncontactable. I have called the client and tried to fix it, but they've already signed on with someone else. My cousin, wanting to stop this from happening again as several more clients are up for renewal in the next couple months, has said I have to be available for the next couple months, so he can call me if there is another issue. I've said that I am on maternity leave, and therefore I should be left alone, so I will be leaving my phone off, and it's shitty of him to ask otherwise. My cousin said that I was being selfish and accused me of trying to fuck him over, and my mother and aunt agree with him, saying if I don't answer my phone, there may not be a company to come back to, and accused me of taking advantage of him because he's my cousin, as anyone else would have fired me over this. I've responded that if my cousin can't run his own business without me, then he's incompetent and shouldn't be in charge of an omelette, let alone a company. They said that was uncalled for, and told me to switch my mobile on now so he can call me if he needs, but I'm still refusing. AITA? Edit: why do people think I went away with no plans in place? I had 6 months between figuring out I'd need the leave and going on leave, and I spent those 6 months assigning my clients to my co-workers, bringing people up to speed on said clients, and even holding meetings where I introduced the clients to their new handler(s). I worked all of this out months ago.   **Verdict - NTA**   [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ms225f/update_aita_for_not_answering_any_contact_from/) \- 16th April 2021 First off, thank you for the support, advice, and differing perspectives you provided on my first post. Most of you agreed that I should not be working for my cousin. I mentioned on the last post that I'd had some offers from competitors, and while most paid about the same, they required a step down in my career. A few of you pointed out that if I can earn the same money after a step down, something isn't matching up. I did some research and came to the conclusion that I am being overworked and underpaid. I also triple checked all my notes for the last 7 months of leave, and calculated that I had worked for 87 days out of just over 200. That was where I hit my limit. I then reached out to some of the people who had made offers previously, and asked if they could give me a formal offer. 3 of them did. My favourite has fewer hours/responsibilities and more money, and they're fine waiting on me to finish up my planned maternity leave (9 more weeks) before I start. I had a 'check in day' scheduled for later this month, but pulled it forward to Monday and asked my cousin and a few others to be there. I laid out all of the above. I was open to negotiating in a way that would let me stay in the company, but my cousin flew off the handle, and after that we agreed that me staying was no longer an option. As I have 9 weeks of leave left, I will hand in my notice, meaning I will not come back to work, but I will be paid for this time, as well as compensated for the leave I lost. My cousin has blocked me on everything, but his mum has called my mum, who has been yelling at me for 2 days. I've had to block my own mother. My cousin is attempting to rally our entire family against me, but I have nan on my side, so he is not succeeding. I am never working with family again.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

raredontstare

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zf6mow/aita_for_not_answering_any_contact_from_work/

zf6mow

OOP's boyfriend cheats on her with her best friend

CONCLUDED

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwawydisappointed in r/relationship_advice** trigger warnings: >!slut shaming, body shaming, alcohol addiction, manipulation, miscarriage!< mood spoiler: >!hopeful!< ---   [**My (23F) mom wants me to forgive my bestfriend knowing she betrayed me**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/xciplz/my_23f_mom_wants_me_to_forgive_my_bestfriend/) - 12 September 2022 Not sure if this is the right place to post it. I posted this on my main but deleted it. A throwaway seems like a better option. My (23F) friend M (same age), was like a sister to me. We have known each other since we were 4. We were partner in crimes, we knew everything about each other. We even decided to become each other's kid's godmother. When I was 17 I started dating a guy from my neighborhood, L. He was also my father's friend's son. That's how we met. I had a crush on him since I was 15. M knew about it. In fact she was the one who insisted I talk to him. She encouraged me to ask him out. I did. We started dating at 17. Everything was good. I thought I found my soulmate. But I noticed something different when we were on our 4th year of relationship. He acted kinda distant. I thought the pressure from university is stressing him out. I tried to cheer him up and tried to be intimate but he would just brush it off. At one time I accidentally looked at his phone while I was trying to make a call. I came across hundreds of messages between him and M. They also sent each others nudes. I felt really disgusted. I couldn't confront him because I knew he would deny. Then one day I went to his house to surprise him. There I saw M and L, were almost naked on the couch. They were probably in the middle of foreplay when I walked in. They were both shocked to see me, as if they saw a ghost. I cannot explain the rage I was feeling. I felt like I am about to faint. Instead I went out. They both tried to chase me down with the classic "it's not what it looks like". Oh really? You guys are naked cuddling and eating each other's faces. I wonder what it is. I was thankfully with my sister who saw me coming. I told her to take me home. There I cried with my sisters (I have two). I told them everything. They were really empathetic. They asked me if I have screen shots. I told them yes. They told me to keep it and also told me to message him and my friend that we are done. I did as they told me. According to my sister's advice, I told all our mutual friends about it. It was a chaos. I was broken and devastated. I would cry all day and not eat. I was betrayed by my best friend and the love of my life. But somehow betrayal from M really hurt the most. After digging up and the drama that transpired, I got to know how disgusting and vile L was. I cannot list everything here because of word limit. I came to realization that he had so many red flags that I ignored. That kinds helped me to heal. L also came to my house few times but my sister told him if he keeps bothering us she will call the cops. My father knew about all of this and was very supportive. I didn't want him to stop his friendship with L's dad but L cannot be in our house anymore. I will not be in the same room as him. It took me a while but I healed. I did lose a lot of friends because some of them took M's side and have like 2 good friends who actually helped me. Plus I was very thankful to have 2 amazing sisters. I went out with my friends, started working out, even some forums helped me. I stayed away from dating for a year. I am currently happy and in a relationship with someone. I thought I left the whole thing behind. But my mom keeps insisting I forgive M. You see, M's mom and my mom are really good friends. After I told my mom about M's betrayal. She was supportive but also sad that she might have to stop talking to her friend. I told her not to. Regardless of what M did, her mom is very sweet. She even apologized from her behalf. I was never rude to her when she came home but M is also not allowed in our house. Now my mom thinks I should forgive her. She always says to M's mom that they wish things went back to the way they were. My mom kept pushing that I forgive her and not ruin our friendship over a 'stupid boy'. I mean why should I? She knows I hate people who betray and cheat. Yet she did it behind my back. She claims just because I am in a relationship I should just forget otherwise I will become a bitter person. My sister's are on my side. My father says the decision is up to me. I don't know what I will do. Yes, I do miss what M and I had. But I still haven't forgiven her for what she did. It just hurts knowing my mom wants me to forgive after knowing everything that has happened. Just to add more context: 1. M and L hooked up on her birthday when she broke up with her ex. She did tell me she is sorry and things just happened. She was lonely and he was there to comfort her. 2. In case you are wondering what L did and why he had red flags is because he criticized me a lot. It was either about my looks or my ambitions (I once told him I want to write a book and he mocked me). I brushed it off since he had a dark sense of humor. 3. L kept a spreadsheet of all the girls we knew in our circle, even at his university. He would rate them based on their looks. It was shared among his friends. Yes, I was on that list too. It made me really insecure. 4. Some of my and M's mutual friends knew about their affair but kept it away from me. That's why I cut a whole lot of them off.   [**UPDATE: My (23F) mom wants me to forgive my bestfriend knowing she betrayed me**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/xe9wf1/update_my_23f_mom_wants_me_to_forgive_my/) - 14 September 2022 Few days ago when I posted this on my main, many people asked for an update. So here it is. I knew I cannot allow M in my life. No matter what mom says. But something weird happened that I had to post an update. This is going to be long. So I went home this week. My older sister was already there. She told me my mom wanted to invite M and her mom into our house. My dad refused because he doesn’t want to betray me. I was angry at my mom for how she could do it to me. We all sat down. I told my mom how it felt to be betrayed by my friend. I told her that I am not asking her to stop seeing M’s mom but she should just stop forcing me to be friends with her. It’s not going to happen. Even if I forgive her I will not be her friend. She will not be welcomed in our house. She got mad and said we should learn to let go of the past. I also asked her what if M’s mom had an affair with dad and you walked in on them while they were doing it. I expected her to be mad but her expression was shocking. I don’t know how to describe it. It is as if I predicted something. My dad stepped in and said, “You should tell her now. She is old enough to know.” Then I heard the entire history of mom, dad and M’s mom. M’s mom was a serial cheater. She cheated on her ex-husband with multiple men. My mom didn’t know. She did have hints but never confronted her. Apparently she got pregnant with AP’s baby and tried to pass it on as M’s father’s. But M’s father was smart. He did a DNA test on the baby (M’s half brother) and the truth came out. My mom did berate her for that but M’s mom was very remorseful. She begged and pleaded with her husband to stay but her husband didn’t. I looked up dude on social media and he is filthy rich. Probably ‘Batman’ kinda rich without all the gadgets. He hired a lawyer and also had a prenup. M’s mom didn’t get a single dime for alimony but he did pay child support for a while. He didn’t wanted the custody because M technically knew about her mother’s affair but didn’t say anything. M was 7 when it happened. She would always talk about her dad no.2. I never knew. Probably because I thought that she was talking about her uncle or something. M’s dad only got the visitation which he wanted. But M stopped going when she turned 15. My mom helped her get back on her feet because she was broke and M’s child support only supports her only and not the entire family. 3 years after their divorce M’s dad got married again to someone younger than M’s mom. I also dug up his name and saw that he was happy with his new family. So the day he got married M’s mom went into deep depression. She was very much drunk and that b*itch tried to make a move on my dad. My dad pushed her away. My dad told my mom but she denied something like that happened. Until M’s mom called and apologized for her behavior. She forgave her. But according to my dad and older sister, she would still make excuses to get closer to dad. My sisters spent their time keeping her away from dad. Dad never liked her for what she did. Her husband was my dad’s business partner at that time. Dad only tolerated her for mom and my sake. So back to our conversation, I looked at my mom and she told me that it was different because my dad never had an affair. I asked if she would have forgiven her if the affair happened? She was silent. I asked her to give me an actual reason why she thinks I should forgive M. Then she told me the truth. M’s mom has been sort of blackmailing mom to cut off contact with her. My mom doesn’t have many friends in town. M’s mom was her best friend. According to her logic, she cannot be in a house where her daughter is not invited. Also as I mentioned in one of the comments, my mom had a miscarriage when I was 4years old. M’s mom helped her a lot during that time. When my mom was jaded she would clean her house and bring M. That’s how we became friends. lol My mom pretty much saw M as her fourth child. She was probably trying to fill the space that her miscarriage left. So losing M felt like losing her baby again. That’s why she wants us to reconcile. Not because of M but also because she is afraid her friendship will come to an end. I was very upset by it. But I understood her. I told her M’s mom is welcome here anytime (though I have no respect for her now.) but M will not set foot in this house. And told her to get therapy because she had a very unhealthy attachment to M. I was conflicted. I was disappointed in M's mom. She seems like a really nice lady. When L cheated on me, I remember crying to her. She consoled me and felt genuinely sorry. So I did something out of the blue. I texted M’s mom that I want to meet her alone. We went to a public place. My sister knew. She told me to record the conversation. (It is not illegal here). So I met her. I told her everything my mom told me. I also told her that she is welcome in our house but she cannot bring M. She didn’t try to argue. She told me she should have known. She never wanted her daughter to become like her. Her infidelity has made her life hell. M could’ve had a beautiful childhood if she never cheated on her husband. Her husband was a great guy. She still feels guilty about doing this to him. She wishes she could go back in time and undo her mistake. I said that even though I don’t have the same amount of respect for her I don’t mind having her around. My family is okay with that. The woman started crying. She finally spilled the beans after a year. She told me she knew about M and L. She knew L was cheating on me with M. She told her daughter to stop it but M said she is only FWB with L. And they will stop in a few weeks. Her mother told her that if she continues this, then she better conceal it properly. She only allowed this because she knew her daughter had an obsession with L. She thought it would help M to get this obsession out of her system. I was fuming. I wanted to yell but I kept my cool. She knew this entire time and not once she mentioned it. I asked her about her flirting with my dad. That’s when she showed me what a snake she truly is. I pressed her and berated her for trying to destroy my mom’s marriage. Once she had enough she yelled that my mom doesn’t deserve any of this. She is very lame and boring. She was only friends with her because she pitied her. My mom comes from a poor household. She doesn’t have much education. She went to a very underfunded college but M’s mom went to a prestigious college. She is not even at her (M’s mom) level. She said my dad doesn’t deserve a street rat like her. I wanted to leave but I wanted to take everything on the recording. But I had enough. I told her more or less yelled at her that she is not welcome in our house. She is a liar and a cheater and so is her daughter. I cannot believe this woman. She has been manipulating my mom all this time. As soon as I got home, I told my mom everything about this. My mom refused to believe her friend would say something. My sister who is a freaking genius played the audio. I now understand why she told me to record. After hearing the entire thing, she grabbed her phone and called her. She yelled. I could hear words like - sl*ut, wh*ore in my native language. She said that if she sees her again she will rip her eyes out. It was kinda shocking. One minute she was praising her and then she was yelling? But moreover, I am happy she cut off all the toxicity. I feel bad for mom. I can relate because we both lost our close friends. We sat down and chatted. She told me how being a sahm was difficult for her to make friends with. M was her close friend. She always looked up to her because she was really popular in our community. She wanted to be like her. My dad always disliked that. My mom also told me that she is sorry. That she was selfish. She enabled her so far that she hurt her own daughter. She feels guilty. I understand her. My dad said that she is putting her on therapy because she clearly has some trauma from her miscarriage and also from her childhood. I told her that she can still make great friends. She cut off all her friends for M’s mom. I told her to try and reconnect with them. I am also going to spend some time with her too in case she doesn’t feel alone. All of this drama has made me realize I have a great dad. I have a newfound respect for him. Even when he was vulnerable, he never gave in to M’s mother’s flirting. He helped my mom when she had a c-section with me. He understands that being a sahm is difficult. He loves her regardless. Many people speculated if my mom is a cheater or not but let me clarify, it is not the case. She is very loyal to my dad. She was the oldest of 7 siblings and she had to keep her family together at all cost. Hence, her pressure to me for forgiving M. Also as for my ex, he texted me on my birthday last month. He wished me a happy birthday and said that he was sorry for what he did. He also said that M is a great girlfriend who helped him after our breakup and helped him “heal”. There was like an entire paragraph of him praising M. And to quote him “I do not regret loving you. It is because of you I learned how to love. That’s why I am able to become such a good partner to M. I hope someday you will find someone good enough for you. I wish you all the best.” What a clown. I showed this to my boyfriend. He laughed and said, “I guess his wish has come true.” I do not care if they marry or have like 100 babies. I am done with them. Someone pointed out that they did a huge favor because they are both trash and deserve each other. It’s true. At least they won’t be wasting other people’s time with their toxicity. As for me, I am doing fine. I am planning a trip with my bf and friends after my finals. And thanks to all of you who messaged me and commented. Also idk if this counts as karma but M got into a fight with one of her friends (she knew about the affair). My friend went to a party this week. She told me M and a friend of hers had a fight. Apparently, that friend accused her of stealing her boyfriend. According to my friend they were not doing anything other than chatting. The girl came onto M and said "well I should've known, given your history as a man stealer". This is now her reputation. Even if she tried to say she wasn’t flirting no one was buying it. Lol.   [**Lessons I have learned so far.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/xgdrlc/lessons_i_have_learned_so_far/) - 17 September 2022 Hello, this is my new time in this sub. Not sure how to start because there is a lot to unwrap. But if you want to know my story here it is. Just a quick recap: My (23F) boyfriend, L cheated on me with my bestfriend , M who I have known since I was 4. A lot of the people in my friend group knew about it. It caused some drama and also revealed a lot of secrets in our family. Especially in my family. (not that exciting). It is almost 2 years since that happened and looking back I've come a long way. So, I just wanted to share my thoughts. D-Day (I think?): I learned about their dirty dancing when I found her nudes on his phone. I didn't wanted to believe him. The day I went to confront them is the day I saw them almost naked doing foreplay. It just made me numb. Like it was a bad dream. Two people closest to me. My bestfriend who I trusted with all my heart. Who has been there for me through every hardship and low in my life and the guy I thought was going to be my soulmate. I honestly thought we were going to be one of those couples who would be like high school sweethearts and live together for the rest of their lives. Well, that was my stupidity of trusting him and thinking life was like a fairytale. When I saw them together, they were shocked. As if they saw a ghost. I didn't say anything. I just went outside and got into the car and told my sister to drive. After we got home, I cried as if someone I love just died. Everything I ever believed was a lie. My whole relationship felt like a lie. I had no idea what I would do next. Luckily, I had my sister who comforted me. I was jilted. I couldn't eat. The image of them being naked and kissing just played in my head like a broken recorder. I wanted to shut my brain so that I don't think about it. I was like that for the first few months. It felt like they were mocking at me. "Haha look at stupid 'Throwawydisappoined', she has no idea what we are doing. She is so dumb." Why did he do that? Was I never enough for him? I did everything for him. I was never a nagging girlfriend. Even his friends liked me. Was all those 4 years a lie? All those times he told me that he loved me, the times when he would compliment me, was it all a lie? I kept finding faults in me. There must have been something I did. So anyways, I blocked the both of them from everything. They tried to contact me. I shut them down because I was not ready. If I saw any one of them, I would probably just commit a felony or worse. It took me a while. But I thought I should get my closure. So, I did contact them separately. I met M first. She said she was sorry and that she wanted to end things but L kept pursuing her. Her excuse was that she broke up with her boyfriend and then hooked up with L because she was lonely. Yeah, you ruined my relationship because you were lonely. Some good friend you are. L's explanation was the one that broke me more. He did say he is sorry. But here where I messed up. I asked him, "was she better than me in bed?" His response was yes. He further told me sleeping with me was very bland. I had no b00bs, it's almost like I am a boy. I agree, I am a late bloomer. I am very skinny for my age. He told me I was prettier than M but I was not as adventurous as she is. This created a whole new insecurity in me. I started to hate my body. I stopped looking at the mirror. I almost made a vow that I will become a nun and never have sex (yeah, I was in a bad place). I felt worthless to say the least. I lost all hope in me. I mean who wants to be with someone who is bad in bed? Red flags I ignored: I only realized about his red flags after I broke up with him. At one point he started to become distant. He would always be on his phone. He would never initiate intimacy and whenever I did, he would push me away. Overall, he was a shitty person. He would hardly receive my calls when he was with her. Moreover, he would mock me. I am pursuing a career in computer science. He joked on some occasions how I will never make it because this field is not for girls. I laughed because I thought they were jokes. He also joked about how my wish to write a book oneday was so stupid and unrealistic. He would make comments about my body. I started gaining weight due to my health condition. He would criticize me for that as well. I also noticed he would check on other girls too. Idk if this counts as a red flag but had a lot of female friends. He would says they are his "best friend". I always found that suspicious. I don't know why. After breaking up with him, I realized how sh!tty he was to me. I was always the one trying to make efforts for him. He once forgot my birthday and made an excuse that he was busy at work. In reality he just forgot. I didn't say anything because he compensated for that in the most mediocre way. How I moved on: I cried for many days. I remember that getting out of bed was really hard. I lost a friend and a boyfriend. Moreover, I lost a good circle because they knew about their affair and didn't tell me. I had a large group of friends and now I was left with 2. They are good people. But it hurts when I don't have my bestfriend with whom I shared almost everything. Guys, it is okay to mourn the relationship you lost. Give yourself the time to grieve. Don't take any huge steps during this period. Go ahead and cry and moan in your pillow. Eat whatever junk you want. But give it a time limit. I know that it doesn't happen. But my sister told me to grieve for 2 months like this and then get my a$$ back in the real world. I agree, it took more an 2 months but after 2 months I had to decide either I had to function whether or not I was ready. I tried to shift my focus from everything and into my studies. Even that was hard. I couldn't. I still cried a lot. I would space out while doing something, thinking about all the wild sex they must be having. I went to therapy. It helped to an extent. I didn't date for like a year. I used that time to better myself. I learned how to code. I learned how to play keyboard. It was a good distraction from everything. I also joined a gym because I was gaining weight. My sisters and those 2 of my friends took me on a trip to the beach. We had a lot of fun. A change of environment was nice. I became much more closer to those 2 friends who I hardly talked in the past and apologised for not being a good friend. I was healing slowly. I got rid of every memory I possessed of him. I burned the bridges. I tried to rediscover myself. L did came and said he wants to work things out. I guess M wasn't what he thought she was. I was tempted to take him back. Ngl, he was out of my league. But my sister handled it. She told him to never show his face otherwise she will call the police. I was in different forums asking for advice. I met some nice people who found better partners after being cheated on. That gave a bit of hope. I didn't engage in flings and ons. I did once but it made me feel more empty inside. So, I never did that. Eventually when I felt ready after a year, I started dating someone new. Now we are together. Please don't do these: 1. Don't think their cheating is your fault. 2. Don't go to social media to stalk them. I made that mistake. Seeing M and L posting intimate cute photos just felt like a bullet in my heart. I was tempted so I unblocked them to see what they are upto. Seeing them kissing and hugging just put me in the same pit. 3. Don't compare yourself to others. I compared myself to M a lot. Just because someone looks different than you doesn't mean they are better. 4. Don't do the pick me dance. Honestly, have some self-respect and don't be a doormat. I know cheaters insult to make you insecure but remember whatever a cheater says is a lie. So their perception about you is a lie. My uncle got cheated on by his wife multiple times. He gave her 2 second chances she still left him broken. Now he drowns himself in alcohol. Cheaters don't deserve a second chance. 5. Don't take them back. Like ever. They are like a tumor that is going to suck the life out of you. 6. Don't do anything stupid. Like violence or deleting evidence. Honestly, this more crucial for people who are married. Don't destroy evidence that you have of them. Use them. 7. Don't date if you are not ready yet. 8. Don't let them control the narrative. 9. Don't think your life is over and your time is wasted. I know it will go against almost everyone's ideology but I learned a lot from this mess. I learned who are my real friends, what red flags to avoid. The process of rebuilding myself from this wreck made me a better person. 10. DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL. I swear this is the worst thing that you can do Do not use any intoxicating stuff to "forget the pain" Forgetting the pain for short moment is not the same thing as healing. Alcohol and drugs will not heal you. They will destroy you. Things I learned about myself: After getting into a new relationship, I learned that I was not bad at sex. He was bad at communicating. I realized sex with L was sort of robotic. Even if I would orgasm, it just felt 'meh'. But my new boyfriend, he is better at communicating with me. We share out thoughts about intimacy. Our likes and dislikes. I realized, that I might not be so bad at sex after. I just had a bad partner. It is nice to have someone who actually listens and teaches you few tricks. I realized how much better I deserved. That the world I created in my head with L was nothing. It was all a sham. I also learned never to doubt yourself or think you are less than someone. Honestly that was a hard part. I am still insecure but I am working on it. I learned about my true potential. L almost had me convinced I was too stupid to be good at anything, but I am good at multiple things after I explored a lot of hobbies. Also I learned therapy works wonders if you find a good therapist. I had a bad one that was always criticizing me. After I changed to a good one, it worked like wonders for my mental health. I was doubting myself less. Things I learned about cheaters: They are very insecure people. Nothing you ever do is going to be good enough for them. Everything they say is a lie. They try to manipulate the situation by saying "monogamy is not a norm in nature." Yeah L tried to use it on me. It is better to just ignore them and pretend that they are dead. When cheaters are confronted with their actions they always deny and gaslight and try to shift the blame. Remember, this is their tactic to win against you. Don't let them win. They are selfish. They think they deserve the world. Their reality starts to shatter when you out them in public. They try to control the narrative. They try to make themselves look good. For them you are a plan B. Don't be with someone who looks at you like plan B. Sorry for this long post. I hope whoever reads this, I just want to say, it gets better. It is not your fault that they cheated on you. It's just their nature to be disgusting. Also I see a lot of married people who stay for the kids with their cheating spouses. I suggest you don't. You are teaching your kids a very wrong lesson that they should just settle for someone else's leftover and someone who is not faithful. You are teaching them it is okay to cheat because the cheaters suffer no consequences. For your own mental health, it is not good. If you are not in a good headspace, you cannot be a good parent either. I saw first hand how attempting to reconciliation fails horribly. So I wouldn't recommend it. I hope you guys are doing well and surviving good. I hope you find peace in real life.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zf7tny/oops_boyfriend_cheats_on_her_with_her_best_friend/

zf7tny

Can’t stop thinking about my boyfriend using tinder

REPOST

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/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zf8xo1/cant_stop_thinking_about_my_boyfriend_using_tinder/

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Redditor wonders "Am I wrong for not rushing my dog to the animal hospital under these circumstances?"

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/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zf9i9c/redditor_wonders_am_i_wrong_for_not_rushing_my/

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Entitled dad breaks my leg because I continuously blocked his son from scoring

ONGOING

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TheLyingSpectre

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zfamr5/entitled_dad_breaks_my_leg_because_i_continuously/

zfamr5

Entitled dad breaks my leg because I continuously blocked his son from scoring

ONGOING

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TheLyingSpectre

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zfaovy/entitled_dad_breaks_my_leg_because_i_continuously/

zfaovy

OP badgers boyfriend to let her borrow his passion-project muscle car; immediately totals it with reckless driving

INCONCLUSIVE

Original was posted in relationships by u/imesseduprealbad1 on **February 18, 2016**. Marked inconclusive as a few things were still up the air at the end of the update. >!Mood spoiler: Frustrating & sad, but potentially some hope for OP's growth at the end!< [https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/46i7wi/i26f\_totaled\_my\_bf\_27\_of\_5\_years\_classic\_muscle/](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/46i7wi/i26f_totaled_my_bf_27_of_5_years_classic_muscle/) **I(26F) totaled my BF (27) of 5 years' classic muscle car and i think i lost him, please help me.** My BFs dad helped him refurbish an old school Pontiac GTO over the course of about 12 years . It was their bonding project and they both sunk a ton of money and time into it. Flash forward to a week ago, I was begging him to take it for a drive for a few minutes and he begrudgingly accepted and pleaded with me to be careful. So i get to a relatively dead part of town and im going about 60 and as i get to an intersection apparently someone had the same idea as me flying down his street perpendicular to me. So i brake and swerve into a tree. Im fine, but the gto front end was destroyed and im pretty sure the axles and tires are fucked. I was crying thinking about what my bf was going to do when he found out. The police arrive and so does he. He runs up to me to ask am i ok and in the middle of my incoherent, crying babble i say yes. He takes one look at the car and drops to his knees and pukes... at this point he is pacing and crying with his hands on his head. I feel lower than dirt at this moment and he sees so he wipes his tears and says "im glad your ok sweetheart but im going to need some time away, i still love you but i have to go away for a while" kisses my forehead and leaves. Im panicking because i know i killed the one thing that saved he and his dads relationship and also was his reason to exist since he is a mechanic by trade. I left countless voicemails and texts asking what i can do to make it better but his phone is off right now. I called his dad and they keep in constant communication and he informed me to not beat myself up and bf is trying to deal with this his own way. Reddit please tell me what to do Tl;dr I totalled boyfriends classic muscle car after he told me to be careful and he is MIA Edit: i know the right thing to do is pay for the damage but it was quoted at about $10,000 more or less and i just dont have the money, but i will do what i can to at least pay what i can back Edit2: Guys, i get how stupid i was blowing through and intersection high on adrenaline and i honestly wish i would have just died in the accident and the car was fine, but this post is about what i can do to not lose the greatest man i have ever met. Edit3: i am reading everyones responses and the overarching theme is stop calling and own up to the fact i have no regard for others wishes. I have stopped calling and have taken this character flaw to heart. \------------------------------------------------------- # First and Final Update - February 20, 2016 [https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/46qp5x/update\_i26f\_totalled\_my\_bf27m\_of\_5\_years\_classic/](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/46qp5x/update_i26f_totalled_my_bf27m_of_5_years_classic/) **UPDATE i(26f) totalled my BF(27M) of 5 years' classic muscle car and i think i lost him, please help me.** Thank you to every one who took the time to advise me in my last post. It was very harsh but it was all eye opening. BF called back and said he loves me but he felt betrayed by what i did and cant think of a scenario where he can honestly stay with me so he broke it off and wants money for the repairs. I apologized profusely about what i did and said i hope he is able to save it. I will be bumping my hours to full time and taking a loan out to repay him. I was crying the whole time because i knew i caused this. Many of you said i dont deserve to be behind a wheel without some type of therapy and i can honestly see why because what i did was irresponsible and foolish so i will be taking the bus until i can afford therapy but until then i have signed up for driving classes. Im sorry if i angered anyone in my last post but im trying to make this better. Tl:dr Bf broke up with me and wants the money for repairs which i took out a loan for. I have chosen to take the bus for a while and have enrolled in driving classes as a sub for therapy until i can afford it. I am trying to curb my "spoiled brat" mentality as some people put it. Edit: BF texted me that he still wants to keep in touch and talk this out eventually since he talked to his dad and sees how im trying to handle the situation. We can try to make this work in the future but for now he wants to be alone. I call it a small victory even though it might not work out. Thank you all in this post and the last for your help. \-------------------------------------- *Various interesting comments by and to OP:* **raychelknows**\*\*:\*\* I call bullshit. No way OP (only working part-time) was able to get to a bank (within 24 hours of her first post -- and on a Saturday), apply for and be approved for an unsecured loan for $10K. **OP:** I got the loan from my credit union. The fact that i pay all my bills on time going back to 2009 was the big difference maker. I get your skepticism but i have shown the credit union no reason why i cant pay the loan off. \------------------------------------------ **badsparrow**\*\*:\*\* Does your boyfriend not have insurance on the car, regardless of the driver? How did the conversation where you asked him to borrow the car go down? Did he not want to accompany you? ​ **OP:** His insurance did not cover me I basically begged to drive it "just thus once" He couldnt join me because he had to be at work "5 minutes ago" ​ **Nora\_Oie**: So he didn't have collision *on the car.* It's *that* precious but he didn't have insurance *on the car itself* the way most of us do. With a deductible. Where I live, you can waive that insurance (if you have a total junker I suppose) but everyone with any sense has collision car and not just liability. Your boyfriend doesn't have much sense either. I can't believe you drive without insurance. So yes, this a series of life lessons for both of you. \------------------------------------------ **StarlitEscapades**\*\*:\*\* I have an honest question, but since you are now taking driving classes, had you ever driven a car prior to this incident? **OP:** Yes i have my own car and drive quite often, but taking some classes wouldn't exactly hurt given the situation **Nora\_Oie**: You need more than just regular driving lessons if you're going to drive a high horse power muscle car (just don't do it in the future). If you decide to try and drive a powerful car, I suggest doing it (slowly at first) on a closed track. And make sure it doesn't belong to anyone you love. **OP:** I dont plan on driving anything more powerful than a camry on the road anytime soon. I should have known the GTO was WAY out of my league but when i heard him revving it i just needed to try it. I think its safe to say i got a nasty shock back into reality. \--------------------------------------------- **Zuzzyy**\*\*:\*\* If your relationship was good otherwise, I think there may be some hope left in saving it. Just give him some time. **OP:** We had a pretty good relationship before that, we never really fought about anything and liked to be in each others company. I dont think we have a future together, as much i want to save it i know its probably over and im not gonna harp on it \---------------------------------------------- Some commenters got very spicy with OP: **\[deleted\]:** So you "had no insurance" and yet you "have \[your\] own car and drive quite often." Again, this is incredibly narcissistic, immature, short-sighted behavior. I'm glad you're trying to make things right. But if you got to age 26 while being so incredibly self-absorbed, then I don't have much faith you'll actually change. ​ **OP:** You are right i should have had insurance but i didnt think i needed then. I know now that insurance would have saved a lot of heartache in this situation and is overall the responsible thing to do. Im sorry you feel that way but thank you for your input ​ **\[deleted\]:** Basically you repeatedly broke different laws because you "didn't think \[you\] needed" to follow them. You also lied to your boyfriend, and completely disrespected him. I'm kind of pissed that a bank would give you a loan so easily. You should be wasting away in a jail cell right now. At the very least, I hope your boyfriend leaves you permanently. You need to grow the fuck up. Hopefully this is the wakeup call that will make that happen. ​ **OP:** As much as i don't like your harsh tone you are completely right ​ \------------------------------------------ **OP**: Thats not my only regret at all, i regret that i acted like a child to get the keys to the car I regret driving like a bat out hell and endangering myself and others I regret ruining the one thing that brought my bf's relationship with his dad from the grave Dont get me wrong, im devastated i lost my bf because of my behavior, but thats far from my only regret ​ # Reminder - I am not the original poster.

arabbel

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zfb3bp/op_badgers_boyfriend_to_let_her_borrow_his/

zfb3bp

Can’t stop thinking about my boyfriend using tinder

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[deleted]

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zfb9ql/cant_stop_thinking_about_my_boyfriend_using_tinder/

zfb9ql

AITA for giving away my son's cat?

REPOST

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwawaaaaaay179 in r/amitheasshole** ---   [**AITA for giving away my sons cat?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/a1qlcs/aita_for_giving_away_my_sons_cat/) - 30 November 2018 My son, 15, has had his cat (Spacey) for 7 years. He loves Spacey, he sleeps on my sons bed, and son takes care of him quite well. I recently started to date someone who is allergic to cats. It’s not a sniffle allergy, but a pretty severe one (not deathly though). My partner and I have started to get more serious - we’ve been seeing each other for a few months now, and I can’t have him over often because of his allergy. So I decided to rehome Spacey. My son is very upset about this and yelled at me, saying I was selfish and throwing Space away for some man I haven’t known for very long. Since my husbands death I haven’t really met anyone I have clicked with. I didn’t know what else to do. AITA? Verdict: YTA **Edit:** I was on the fence about whether I was the asshole or not. I didn’t want to upset my son but please understand I have had no companionship for many years since my husbands death and as such I reacted quickly when there was a chance I could lose this man too. I’ll speak to my son about getting Spacey back home. I hope I do not lose my partner but it is better than losing my son. Your responses have confirmed what I have been thinking. Thank you for your judgements.   Comments from OOP: > It was my partners suggestion, he told me to do it or he would leave. I thought we could find a compromise but he said no. But as I have said above I will be talking to my son about getting Spacey back. > Once I revealed that my partner told me to give up the cat in my previous post, a lot of people linked me to some resources about manipulation/abuse. I can see now my partner is not good. For example he won’t let me have any male friends. He said he doesn’t have any female friends so I am not allowed male friends. I’m also not allowed to see my female friends when they have their husbands with them. My late husband was a kind and loving man. My new partner is not. He is sweet to my son, other than this major incident, and he was sweet to me but he has moments of being controlling. I am going to tell him I have Spacey back and will not suggest any remedies for his allergies. He will get mad and threaten to leave and this time I will let him.   [**UPDATE: AITA for giving my sons cat away?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/a1rye5/update_aita_for_giving_my_sons_cat_away/) - 30 November 2018 [about 4 hours later] I spoke to my son and we are getting Spacey back tomorrow. He is not far from us and the new owners (family friends) are happy to return Spacey especially as it has not been very long since we re-homed him. My son is very happy. He is still angry at me and that’s understandable. I can’t believe I did such a thing. It is not an excuse but I was caught up in feeling something again after so long and when my partner told me I had to rehome Spacey I just listened. I have not spoken to my new partner about this yet, but I suppose that doesn’t matter. Thank you for your help.   Comments from OOP: > I have wholeheartedly apologised to my son and guaranteed this will never happen again. Spacey is also welcome to stay with me while my son goes to university. My partner will threaten to leave once he finds out about Spacey and I will let him leave. > We are finished. He got mad and left, tried to manipulate me and I let him go. Blocked him everywhere and haven’t heard from him in a couple of days. He doesn’t have keys or anything, it was a clean break and I don’t want to see him again. I feel like a fool for falling for him and doing something so terrible.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

toohottooheavy

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zfcpd5/aita_for_giving_away_my_sons_cat/

zfcpd5