Datasets:

Kanakmi

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mental-disorders

like 9

Honestly never thought I'd be here. Life just continuously keeps kicking my teeth in. Feeling lower than I think I ever have before. Hopeless and alone

Had a little boost of confidence recently and decided to try a bold new haircut. Everyone says it looks good, but all the attention freaked me out. I had to borrow a hat from a coworker and then hid in the bathroom for 30 minutes. God I wish I was normal.

Anyone ever feel dizzy and blurry vision and it was anxiety ? I’ve always had anxiety but never these symptoms post partumn

what is some ways you motivate urself to shower or just do overall hygine?

So recently trauma happened to me. 1 week I slept at night 2-3 hours, I had no apetite and I was depressed and anxious that I got panic attack and could not properly sleep and eat. I was searching on google everything that I could have. I was so sure I have bipolar disorder, then anxiety disorder and basically everything that I found on google I found myself in it.. I am thinking that I am in this position because I read so much what could I have and I am pretty negative to myself and that’s why I get anxious daily. I am currently taking Zoloft, which helped me but I am curious if someone was or still is in this position that I am? I can function normally publicly, can distract myself when I’m in public but when I get time for myself I think again about the week I couldnt sleep and eat and I get really anxious and depressed about it, thinking it will happen again. But when I get anxious I try to stop thinking about anxiety and depression but it doesn’t go out of my head. I don’t drink caffeine.

I took a trip to the ER today due to mental health and med changes. The psychiatrist basically told me I should NEVER smoke and that it’s horrible for bipolar, meanwhile my regular psychiatrist just told me to not use as much… (for the sake of my lungs and being dependent on it) Anyone KNOW anything about this? Any and all advice is welcomed.

Hey guys, something I'm going to bring up again with my doctor next time (have already brought it up once), but I haven't had a period in about four or five months since starting risperidone. I only take half a tablet. Has anyone else had this problem in Risperidone or other meds? Thank you.

I'm 22f am going through a difficult time right now. I'm getting my GED while raising a 2year old boy with autism and I'm trying my best. My boyfriend is mentally and emotionally abusive and I just sort of detached myself from him. I need to find a job and save up money so I can have my own place but it's hard being a full time mom too. Last night my boyfriend and I went out to a bar and I was breaking out of my shell and trying to mingle and make friends and he got pissed off and was vile towards me all night and he was a bastard today too. He keeps showing patterns like that, and he keeps treating me like shit. I don't deserve it and I'm proud of myself for my maturity. Dbt is really working and I'm glad I was able to remain calm because in the past when we fought I would've been crying and begging for him to treat me with respect and I just said "okay" and set boundaries and gave him some space. I've been thinking about what steps I need to take to be independent. I need to find a daycare so I can have my son somewhere safe while I work but I can't afford it. I'm stuck and trapped and I'm not sure where to begin.

I think I know the root cause for my social anxiety. I started disliking social activities even though I used to love them because they are always connected to some sort of consumption. Drinking alcohol, eating unhealthy food. I am very conscious about my body and feel like all of my self-confidence comes from my good shape, which of course is a horrible mindset. So basically I have this dilemma that I would like to go out with people. But no matter what we do I always end up feeling bad because I either drank too much alcohol, ate too much sugar or other things. How do I overcome this? How do I both enjoy eating unhealthy stuff/drinking alcohol, maintaining a good shape and enjoying social interactions? A social event is always the same to meand it's destroying me. No matter what I do, its self-destructive.

It feels like I let the anxiety win. I’m a student doing my masters at the moment and I had a part time job as a substitute teacher. The job was great, good pay, perfect working hours, and all the colleges and the principal loved me. I started having really bad anxiety in august and since it made me cancel so many substitute classes last minute I got so embarrassed I thought it was best to just quit. My parents and boyfriend (who are all very supportive, I love them so much) help me financially while I finish my degree but I’m so scared to start working. What if I cancel whole work days in the future? I fear it will ruin me and everyone around me. I honestly don’t know what to do and I feel like a horrible person. It is also possible to get the job back, they told me to just call. I’m grateful for that, but too scared the anxiety will make me drop out of university if things get too much

hey everyone, i lost my dad today. i've been struggling super hard with every bpd symptom for about a year and a half now. i was wondering if any of you have experienced the death of a parent and what it was like and how you coped with bpd. thank you

I was Dx’ed Bipolar II over 20 years ago. Most of my problems have been severe depression, but the manic episodes have been more frequent and more intense over the past couple years. Last week I was outside working on a project with my wife when the world outside our project zone disappeared. I have some issues with trauma-related derealization, but that occurs under stress and seems like a sheet of plexiglass between me and the world. This wasn’t foggy like that; it was perfectly normal. Anyway, she went back into the house for something and as she started towards the doorway she kinda floated away. She reappeared in the reverse way, twinkling back into our little project world and we kept working. The whole thing was completely boring and unremarkable… except for the sparkly dissolving wife and endless abyss past my driveway. As I headed to the house I started to feel odd, then I passed through the back door and right into my normal world. I felt disoriented, relieved, and definitely confused. That’s when I took a few notes about all this and emailed my therapist and pdoc. I don’t really know what I want feedback about. This was just not within my normal range of experiences (some paranoia, olfactory, and auditory stuff) and I don’t know what to make of it.

I had cancer last year, I beat it, yay go me! However, despite being fit and active again, I still get periods of extreme doubt and worry. I can to from running 10k and feeling so incredible to worrying about why I'm sweating so much and spiralling into what almost feels like a panic attack within 5 minutes. Does anyone have any tips on dealing with this sort of mental issue? My specialists are blown away by my recovery and always tell me I can ring them, but I don't feel like I can ring someone that busy just to say I feel anxious.

So lately I haven't been able to think about how I love my fiance without having the violent thoughts that I don't REALLY love him. That I'm just using him for his time and resources and money, or that I don't really love him because I'm just latching onto someone out of convenience and he's the first s/o I've had that wasn't a pedophile so obv I'm just clinging to him because he's the only person stupid enough to love me. I love him so much ! and I don't want to constantly doubt that feeling and wind up thinking myself out love with him. I've also been in this funk lately where I feel really subdued, and I think it's because of my meds.

Greetings everyone. I take Latuda for Bipolar 2. I thought it was Lamictal, but I double checked, and it's Latuda. I've been taking it for just shy of a month now. Does anyone else wake up too early because of Latuda? ***I just want to preface asking this question with***: I'm 100% aware that none of us are doctors/p-docs. I have my own psychiatrist. I'm just genuinely curious about other people's experiences is all. :) For more info: Finally diagnosed with Bipolar 2 last month after 20 years of a generic one-size fits none "depression/anxiety" diagnosis. I'm on 40mg/day of Latuda around my noon time meal + 250mg of Divalproex in morning, afternoon, and evening. + 50mg Seroquel before bed. I had to increase my Latuda from 20mg because my psychiatrist wants me eventually off of my 150mg Pristiq. & going from 150-->100 didn't go well. Thank you kindly!

This is on the slightly longer side, but I really need someone to understand what's going on. I also never read these over before posting so there might be some grammar and spelling mistakes. I have ADHD, I've accepted that my short term memory isn't very good, I forget what I ate yesterday, even in the beginning of the day. I forget why I walked in a room, what I was about to do, my words mid sentence, appointments and tasks, you name it I've forgotten it. There's other things I can't remember tho, and it hurts me allot. I want to remember my friends and all the good things I've done. I want my memories of my friends back. I've always known I forgot things that have significance to me, but it gets worse it feels like. When I was with my ex, they used to always say "remember when we did this? we should do that again" and I'd never remember. Countless times we did something fun and hung out that I can't remember. This is for everyone I know. I don't remember meeting 90% of my friends. I don't remember anything we've done. I started acknowledging what I want to remember a few months ago. I'll realize this is a thing I want to think back to, and I look around and see everything. Who I'm with and what I'm doing, if there's music, how late it is, everything. I remember those things more. I play online games often on my vr headset, have some online friends, we chill allot. Sometimes someone will come up to me and say "hey I remember you!" And I always have no idea who it is. People commonly tell me I've done that so many times. I started telling people not to add me as a friend because I'm not gonna remember them. I really put it into perspective when the other day one of my good online friends who I've known for months told me it took me 3 months before I started remembering them. In that time we hung out and chilled with other friends, but I would never remember them. I tried having them explain to me in detail things we used to do, and when I met them. I have no idea what they are talking about. Every time I tell people this they say, oh that's normal, I have bad memory too. Tell me how many people say how scared they are, knowing nothing they do with people matters because in the end, they will forget it all. I want someone to believe me and to tell me how to make it stop. I need my memories

I don’t think I’ll be able to do a good job of explaining, but if very very small things are bothering me I can ignore them and just try to go on with life but if something slightly bigger happens, I completely break down and am unable to function? I can’t think clearly and just immediately go to the worst case scenario?

Even while posting this I'm crying and having difficulty to breathe. All of this because I have to take one important life decision and I can't. I don't want to leave my comfort zone, I feel like this is the end for me. I can't control anything. What is even in the point of trying to move forward? Bye.

I just tried to tell me mom about my issues. Losing control, snapping back and forth in reality, not remembering what I just did, doing things totally out of my character, being manic one day and basically dead the next, paranoia, suicidal thoughts, homicidal thoughts, the list goes on. Basically everytime I said anything, she immediately offered an explanation and basically explained that it's all normal and okay. I tried to explain to her, and literally said "Mom, it's not okay and I need you to stop sharing your opinion. I love you and I know you want to help, but I mostly just wanted to tell you, so you know why I didnt see or talk to the family for 6 months and why it will likely happen again." She explains that she gets it and has the same "depression and anxiety." I explained that those are not my problem. Yes I'm very depressed, and yes I'm very anxious, but also I've verbally abused the love of my life and had to be told about it after when I didnt understand the hole in my door. I explained that depression, isnt the same as forgetting who I am, or who a family member is when I'm only 21. Anxiety, isnt the cause for me seeing figures in the corner of my eye, or feeling like a gun in my mouth is the only way to be a good person. Basically, I regret telling her and I wish I hadn't. Now my ex fiance is coming over as I had planned to tell her everything too. Because I seriously mistreated her and then left her.. I left because I was worried one day I would hit her. This scared me severely as I am NOT THAT GUY. I love her. And I'm also a very strong moral person, and I wouldn't stand for that behavior from anyone. Knowing that screamed at her, called her names, broke things aggressively and never actually even felt like I was a part of it, like someone took over my body and then gave it back after the damage had been done and I couldnt stop doing it even though I so badly wanted to, was the most embarrased and ashamed I've ever been of myself. I wanted to tell her everything. To tell her what it was, and that I left but I scheduled an appointment for help, that I know how bad of a man I am now and that I want to do what it takes to be a good person. Now I feel like my ex fiance will come here and think I'm crazy, making it all up to get with her, or just might dismiss it. I should note, I am not getting back with her. I am not better yet. I'm on an upswing of better feelings this week, but I understand that I haven't fixed shit, and that I am not safe for a woman to be around, or anyone for that matter. I just want her to get her right to know I am aware of my abuse, and I NEED her to know that the things I said to her were NOT true and do not resemble in any way how I feel about her. We were together for years, and this woman would have stayed forever and gone through anything out of pure love for me, no matter what I did or how I treated her. I abused her, and still had to end things because she wouldn't have ever left me. Maybe shes just silly, but I'm telling you guys. This girl is a perfect woman. I just dont want this talk to be the thing that actually makes her realize she needs to leave me, because I want the chance to fix myself... Do i deserve to be able to fix it..? I'm being selfish right..? I just love her, and I want to be better for her. She is why I'm doing this. Fuck. I know this was a rant with so much to unpack. Any kind words would be appreciated guys. But be real with me. If I'm making some mistake or doing something wrong, please tell me straight up. I love you all, I'm sorry for the nonsense.

Its hard question (in terms of explaining) but i will try as im very curious about your feelings and experiences in that matter. Peoples with BPD tend to abuse substances. But...but in my case... I abuse (or used to at days of past) a lots of substances, from different reasons, sometimes triggered emotionally, but mostly often as part of social coexistence. When i was for example with mates liking to drink, i was drinking; when i was with someone who smokes, i was smoking etc. When it starts to be everyday day, *normal* situation i sometimes feel bad with it, but never really...i always know that, and feel that, even in case of smoking weed every day for long period of time that im not addicted. I cannot stopped with that but also i cannot stop ( never really wanted) to meet weed-smoking person - it was connected. When this person disappear from my life, my, let me say urge for substance disappear also. It is the case almost in every time...i meet someone, link to them as much as i can, and become kind of addict (if he/she is). So, i know that lots of peoples with alcohol problem say also that dont have this issue. BUT REALLY, i feel that im not having it from inside needs, there's no craving etc.. And my full question is...do you feel similar or different? What are your experiences? Do you have problem with substances with not having real problem with them in the same time?

Borderline is such a series of terrible moods and unsolicited attacks. I find the worst happens every two weeks or so, but even that varies. It's like PMS x1000, but I don't have periods anymore, so it's very difficult to prepare. Here are the stages: (1) anger, rage (2) guilt (3) depression, anxiety, desperation to keep from losing everything (4) negative self-talk, self-punishing (5) becoming numb and distant (6) REGRET (7) logical, rational thinking, goal planning, self care. (Regret seems to hang around all month.) Then, the cycle repeats. It's very frightening that I am having trouble diffusing these stages. My family is constantly on edge and I'm the reason why. What can I do to reduce or eliminate anger and rage so my family can comfortably converse with me? The emotions are overwhelming and very hard to reel in most of the time. What has worked for you? I am in therapy, I read articles on BPD, started meditation, wrote myself advice letters and I'm on medication. Thank you.

I'm so in debt I can't even afford a place of my own. I can't be trusted to live alone. I'm 40 and have nothing to my name. I started dating my girlfriend almost a year ago, but she has no idea how bad my finances are. And while money isn't everything to her, it's important. She grew up extremely poor and has said she she needs her partner to be able to contribute. I can't right now. I don't know if I ever will be able to. I have no savings. No retirement. Nothing. We'd never be able to afford a vacation. Or any of the other things she wants. I'd be a financial drain I'm terrified to tell her. She wants to move in together soon and I just can't. Maybe I'll be able to pay off most of my debts in 6 months if I work crazy overtime. I mean like 60 - 80 hours a week. But I'll still have no savings. I'm really scared for my future. In the past, my plan was just going to be to kill myself in a few years. So I didn't care what my finances were. But I want to live now. I actually have something to look forward to. And it's not fair to say she's all I live for. But she made me want to get therapy and work on myself. I want to be a better person. For both of us I'm never going to have a well paying job. I make so little. But I'm willing to work hard. I just wish I could find someone willing to take a chance on me and give me a good job even without a degree. What does everyone here do? How the hell do people like us survive? What the hell can I do without a degree? I can't afford to go back to school

I have a dilemma. I am not asking for a diagnosis. I am posting here as some other BPD subs specifically prohibit posts from pwBPD. My SO insists that I have BPD. She cites several of the diagnostic criteria which I simply do not identify with. I will not list them in this post so as to be clear I am not requesting a Dx. My pdoc (I have a diagnosis of mild ADHD for about 12mos) insists he sees no traits of BPD. Says he can't "just tell" but that in the year we've seen each other, he has never had any reason to think I have BPD, and I have asked him multiple times about it based on the suggestions from my SO. I described my SOs point of view and reasoning, and he reiterated that he sees none of those traits. He thinks that if I exhibit behavior that seems to my SO to fit the DC for BPD, then it is because I have adopted defensive (or offensive) personality traits. Not a disorder. Choices. My position is that I care deeply about each offense and the harm I cause. I make efforts to change, and the change is acknowledged by my SO. Each of the DC for BPD my SO refers to, I can honestly say I recognize that about myself and even have a vague-to-good idea where it stems from. Most importantly (I think) is that I work to change these behaviors. My SO has known me during the most stressful time in my adult life. Within 8 months, I changed jobs, ended a ten year marriage, came to terms with my ex's six years of cheating, was temporarily homeless as a result of the divorce, fought my ex regarding custody of our child, and bought a house. I entered the relationship with my SO not fully understanding about her BP1 diagnosis, and have been her primary support and her target of opportunity. I am considerably stressed in this relationship, as things change from day to day between us, and sometimes minute to minute. **Is it possible to walk my SO through the differences between my own (admittedly bad) choices or behaviors and the DC for BPD without it seeming like I am marginalizing her or in denial?** I may be off-base, but I wonder if it makes her feel better about her Bipolar if I also have a mood disorder. Ultimately, I know we have to discuss this, but I worry she will see my position as a symptom, and not honesty. If any of this post is offensive or against the rules, I apologize in advance. I truly hope I didn't trigger anybody. If anyone has any thoughts about how I may be a pwBPD, please DM me as the sub rules are clear about diagnosis requests. Thank you!

I mean, I know I can never really conquer it, just recognize the symptoms and deal with it like I did years about with CBT. But so much has happened to me. Covid, heartbroken, death of my cat, stress of going back to school, stress of my full time job, trying to hit the gym again so bodys tired, feeling lonely and isolated from WFH and covid. People have told me they cant believe everything I have on my plate right now and I’ve not really even thought about all the pressures on my shoulders because I feel like I just have to do it all and keep it moving. Idk. You know the common symptoms, lightheaded, short breath, dizzy, disassociation. Stuff you think is real and that youre gonna die but I know its freaking anxiety!!! Just needed to vent. Thank you.

It's late in the afternoon and it's like any other day and I haven't got out of bed. Hate birthdays or days of celebrating. I have nothing to celebrate, no presents, no phone calls. Have been contemplating the big S all week as I knew I would feel extra lonely today after feeling lonely every day anyway. If I die be happy for me I'm at peace.

Idk I’ve been buying a lot of things, but then I regret it, so I’m going to return the things. My mind is racing 24/7, I’ve been sober for about 5 and a half months and I’m super worried that I’m going to fuck this up, and once again let everyone down and my self, my intrusive thought are coming back I hate my body more than ever right now, I just want to work all the time… idk what’s wrong with me, I keep seeing things out of the corner of my eye, feeling like a bunch of people are watching me but not all the time just in public. Ahhhhhh

I am interested in seeing a therapist. I think it would be beneficial. Do I need to be going through a crisis or something serious to talk to someone? Is a therapist going to look at me funny just going to them to vent? How should I proceed from here?

So, second time in less than two weeks. Worked myself up thinking I was having cardiac arrest or a stroke. Nope. Doc came in and said I’m perfectly healthy. Told me to let my new anxiety meds kick in. I just started on them yesterday. I feel like an ass, but I do feel better! My heart rate on the vitals machine was 110-115 BPM, and as soon as the doc left with the news, I checked the machine, and I was between 75-80 BPM. What the fuck.

I never know how to mentally prepare myself and I need some tips on how you guys ready yourselves for work.

I'm just curious if there's any research into a woman's menstrual cycle and it's correlation to BPD symptoms.

I have this feeling a lot lately but don't really know why and it bothers me a lot thinking if i watch this again the show (one of my favourite of all time) will be a trash. Does anyone have this kind of anxiousness while rewatching shows?

So, I see a psychiatrist because a few things, including bipolar disorder, and the other day, I had to get blood drawn for lithium levels. On the lab orders for the blood draw were DSM diagnosis codes, and I decided to look them up just because. I saw that one of them was the code for BPD. I was shocked. I still am shocked. The only thing that shocks me more than the idea that I had BPD is the idea that I have it and my psychiatrist never told me, and probably has no intention of telling me. Basically, I've just learned of my diagnosis and my psychiatrist doesn't know that I know. Any advice for a newly diagnosed person? Any advice for someone in my situation, being diagnosed and not being told about it? Thanks.

I always feel like there is someone in my house and hiding in the dark and they are going to come and kill me with his sharp knife. I had to install smart lighting in my house so whenever I leave I can turn all the lights off and turn them back on before I go inside. Everytime I'm in a dark room I feel like I can't breathe and like I'm going to melt. Idk how else to describe it. Also unrelated all of my shirts keep going missing everytime I wash them I can't find them and I have to keep buying more

Hey everyone. I dont really know why I'm posting here. As the title says, I had an anxiety attack today for the first time in a long time. I used to get them back in high school, but this one was different. Maybe it's because it's been so long since I've had one, or maybe it's because this was a more "adult" type of attack. My triggers used to be what I would now consider to be silly. I dont even know what set it off today. I have a stressful, thankless job, so I know it was work related. I was fighting it for about 30 minutes until one if my co workers brought up me not looking so good. He said I should really go home. "You need to take care of yourself". I had to run outside once he said that. It brought all of my mental barriers down and caught me so off guard. He was right. I dont take care of myself. I try to, but sometimes it's our unhealthy habits that we think are helping us cope. It's hard to recognize sometimes. Anyways, my chest still hurts, my legs feel like I ran a marathon, and my brain is putty right now. It's hard to get time off, but I really think I need to. It's unfortunate because I only get so much PTO, and the only time my family gets together is in September, which I need the PTO for. I dont know what I hoped to accomplish with this post, I just needed to get this out in some way. I hope everyone has a great day.

I been feeling really anxious and making myself worked up for nothing and ive been working on myself to control it but sometimes it gets so intense that its beyond my control:(

I’ve been formally diagnosed with anxiety and depression. But for me the main issue comes with somewhat of 2-3 identities or types of me? I don’t mean like multiple personality disorder where it’s all different. I just mean I feel like normal people live life and can connect the dots and their personality and identity is almost fluid. As for me the only way I can describe it is that I have had different versions of me throughout the years and they like cannot connect or sync? Idk if that makes any sense. I read that this stuff usually happens with childhood trauma my parent died when I was like 4. So I guess I classify but I’m not really sure. Overall if I do belong here can someone help me understand how exactly I can find or declare my “true” identity. Because when I look back and think of my memories the old “me” doesn’t even feel like my life lol. Also male. Idk someone said bpd was female specific but that makes zero sense to me. All in all lack of identity dissociation and anxiety are probably what’s really messing with me lately. I just want to feel like “myself” cause lately I feel like I have no control over myself kinda or at least my brain

too many times, i might feel genuinely really bad and my boyfriend will ask me if im okay, but i will say something like "im not sure" "im not too good but i'll manage" "i don't know". i'll say stuff like "just go do something you want to do, so atleast one of us can feel good" "you don't need to worry i'm used to being alone during these times" i don't like when i do this... it feels very wrong and manipulative but im afraid of saying "hey, can we talk for a while? i really need you right now" i feel like if i say stuff like this, he'll do what he truly wants to... whenever he chooses to comfort me i'll feel better almost instantly and i feel very relieved. but sometimes when he goes "oh well, i'll hang out with my friend then. you can text me if you start to feel worse" it hurts so much. i know it doesn't mean he doesn't care about me but it makes me feel horrible. at the same time i want him to be happy and i love him so much... i want him to prioritize his own well being over mine but sometimes i just cant help but think "how can you do something fun while knowing im feeling bad?" "how can you laugh with your friends while you just heard me cry?" does anyone else do this? i feel like a horrible girlfriend :(

At least once a week I am on my pc or in bed relaxing or doing anything else really and I get chest pain, my heart starts pounding, I start shaking and sweating a lot and the only way it stops is if I take a bit of valium for it to go away, that is what I take when I get a panic attack. I have been taking paroxetine since mid December and before I had never had this problem. Some panic attacks are so bad I have almost got to hospital because of them. Could have a major panic attack triggered these smaller random ones that happen out of nowhere? Is it medication? I have suffered from anxiety ever since I remember existing and never had this problem

I’m about to turn 26 and will lose my insurance (gotta love the us) does anyone have experience with ro pharmacy? I need to figure out how I’m gonna get my lexapro

No matter how tired I am I stay awake as long as I possibly can, feeling like I REALLY shouldn't sleep.

I’ve always been extremely anxious about car rides. If I’m not driving I feel like I have no control and often it makes me sick to my stomach (diarrhea, nausea, etc.) I also am obviously nervous about any unknown destination because of all the possibility of things that could happen. does anyone else get anxious in cars and how do you calm yourself down? I’m going on a almost 2 hour car ride tomorrow where I won’t be able to be the driver. I will take any tips to help.

I’m getting older. And I have never had a relationship more than a few months here and there. I have no self love, no hobbies, no enjoyment. I wake up work eat sleep clean make dinner do yard work, that’s it. I have no friends, I do it alone. I don’t plan on staying this way until I get too old and my son has to take care of me. I am giving myself a few months to get a trust or a will, and making sure my house and car goes to him. I guess I needed to write this so I make it happen and actually do the legal stuff. I am on medication do counseling and still I’m miserable everyday. I fight through because I am the primary, well only money maker. And my days are spent not living. Only being alive. At this point I know in my soul that I am more of a problem being alive then the temporary pain from being dead. At 39 I don’t see much of anything changing and I think this is about all I can handle.

I've been recently struggling with Health Anxiety. I've always endured pain and endured the sensations of pain and chalked them up to being normal, but this combined with my feelings of inadequacy and Crippling phobia of Death has manifested into Health anxiety...and Now I live each day in constant fear for my life. 10 hospital visits and the year isn't even over yet. Being told to calm down and that I don't know that I have anxiety or what having anxiety entails only frustrates me because I'm very familiar with anxiety and It's tormented me all my life and I've gone through it trying to pretend that everything is okay when I'm crumbling apart at the seems. I feel useless and I'm so lost. Everyone tells me I'm not a burden but I still feel like such a stress on my friends and family. I'm tired of feeling so miserable and so exhausted and so disconnected from everyone. I'm sick of the little pains and aches and tremors making my life hell, I wanna live I wanna do things but I'm so crippled by this fear of dying and being alone and unfulfilled in this life. The aches and pains in my chest, my neck, my head, my shoulders and my legs terrify me. I think I have a blood clot or that I'm going to have a heart attack or stroke, that there is something pressing on nerves in my head, That I've herniated a disk or that Im going to die in my sleep just before bed. I have to fall asleep in group calls with friends because if I sit in here for too long in my head I lose myself. I'm trying to learn to accept that it is my anxiety but I can't accept that. I don't understand anxiety anymore because it never use to do this to me...It didn't use to hurt like this. It didn't use to make me feel like every day was gonna be my last. And while I know dying is natural and that everyone will eventually experience it. That the dead don't speak and that I have no control over it, It does nothing but further this sensation of fear and dread and suffering. Everyday I wake up and I'm okay...but as the day sets in and I realize I'll have to face my anxiety my chest gets tight and I'm never fully relaxed, I'm always on edge; waiting for the symptoms to come and they do pains in the upper base of my neck, fluttering in my chest that feels like a muscles spasm deep within my chest, aches and throbbing pain in my legs. I just wanna be okay...Is it too much to ask to just feel safe and okay like I'm not a failure or a screw up or a burden or a waste of time and energy...to feel like I'll live to see the morning sun and do the things I've always wanted and accomplish something...

My father had brain surgery to remove a tumor a couple of years ago. The tumor was covering his motor strip and after he came out of surgery, he was paralyzed. Fast forward to now, he has regained him mobility except for his right leg. He can walk, although very slowly with the help of his cane. He can’t work anymore though, so he had to retire early after working with the airlines for over 30 years. I recently got out of the army and have spent the entire summer with him and my mom. This has been really special for the 3 of us because I’m no longer away from home. It’s also special because my dad gets to have someone to hang out with all day while my mom is at work. Before I was home, he would sit at the house all day just watching TV and doing some side hobbies that he has picked up. It’s really taken a toll on his mental health. He’s obviously depressed. I mean, who wouldn’t be? You go into surgery and when you come out your entire life is different, and you can’t enjoy what you used to because of mobility issues. Tomorrow, I’m moving 5 and a half hours away for college. I just can’t shake this horrible feeling of guilt that I’m leaving my best friend, my dad, to be alone, unable to be dependent on himself to go out and do what he wants, for 8 hours a day again. I guess I just feel bad that he’s going to be sad again. Any tips for this? I don’t know how to explain it, it’s like a “survivors guilt” thing I guess? I get to live my life able to do anything I want, and my dad is stuck at home every day.

Call that self sabotage, and I hate it. I think that deep down no one gives a shit about me, and this was mostly my father’s fault. I’m a very good listener, I listen to everyone but who listens to me? “Oh, you’re so quiet. I didn’t know that about you” well, you never asked me. I think no one really knows me, no one is actually genuine.

I’m a hypochondriac and have GAD, and wanted to know if this was common place with anyone else. Mine usually only happens when I’m sleeping though and worries me that i might be low on magnesium ?? Thank you

Im 36. I have been depressed since 2017, when my father was diagnosed with cancer. He passed away a couple of months ago. Ever since everything is foggy. All those years ive tried multiple antidepressants, therapy, mood stabilisers. Nothing has helped. In the last couple of weeks ive stopped eating well. My dads last weeks were horrible. He didnt want to eat. Now, i dont want to eat either. All foods taste blunt. As days go by, i feel im getting more into depression. Ive had my heart and eyes and everything checked, because of my dizziness but its all clear. And the doc said its probably because of my angst and depression. I am in bed all day long the truth is. Anyway, i just wanted to ask if anyone else has had dizziness as a symptom?

My meds are finally helping my depression a little bit, I've stopped starting arguments all the time, become much better at expressing my emotions in a healthyish way, cut down on my self harm and alcohol abuse to like once every 1-3 weeks.... But I can't stand living. I'm so bored with the monontony of it. My long term goals feel like they belong to another person and I have no idea how to reach them and I don't even know if I care to. now that I am getting better at managing my symptoms I know I'm not going to die by suicide probably -- which makes me feel trapped. I don't want to exist. I hate that I can't just be happy with my objectively good life. I wish I could give to someone who would appreciate it.

i have anxiety. right now, i woke up from me sleep because my blood pressure suddenly went low, my heart pounding and i was breathing really heavy. has this happened to anyone? im so scared.

I just wanted to say how much reading others experiences helped me today. My therapist can tell me, my dr can tell me, I can tell myself I’m okay and that it’s just anxiety, but seeing everyone whose here with me brought some calm I desperately needed. Thank you everyone you took the time to share, and I hope this helps someone the way you all helped me.

I started Lamictal this morning and was fine for an hour or so after but then when it kicked it I got so light headed and weak that I had to leave work and go home. Has anyone else dealt with this and if so how long does it last?

I'm trying to cut off my old FP. I am so helplessly in love with her and she's only interested in me as a friend. This dissonance tore our relationship apart. She's off having a good time with her new partner and I'm stuck trying to get over her. I've noticed that im becoming increasingly reliant on her best friend, who I am also very close with. I'm not necessarily in love with her, but I do consider us to be very close. I'm just worried that I'm gonna end up pushing her away too, now that my emotional state can be dictated by her... She says she understands but she's been very distant lately. I'm scared.

What are 5 reasons as to why a client may not want to talk in therapy?

On the outside most people think I’m a normal happy guy, which is pretty good maskin tbh bc I’m on the spectrum and have major depression disorder, but on the inside and the people who know me well I’m fucked, I’ve had 3 of my friends who I consider my best mates say I’m scary and aggressive, I’ve had friends tell me none of the stuff in my head is real and I should jus man up, but deep down I’m barely passing school, high or drunk most nights, and in and out of the hospital every month or so, it was so much better last year, and the year before that ect, I wanna be a stupid kid again

Does anyone else just feel like they're out of control when their anxiety hits? I have a fear of the nausea and so I automatically feel like im just unable to control this constant feeling

Sorry for formatting and grammar, I’m on mobile and its late. My mom’s boyfriend is depressed and has mood swings. He can be perfectly happy but then see something or hear something that angers him and his mood instantly turns into a grouchy, pissed off, and at times erratic mood. I know he has a traumatic past and is an ex-addict. He blames the people from his past on the bad things that have happened to him throughout life. Currently my mom and I have kinda been treating it as a kinda not our problem thing, because if you talked to him about it he would breakdown and shutdown. He won’t talk for hours and isolates himself. I think he is aware of his actions and illness but is in denial. He has slight suicidal tendencies, and has mentioned it a few times. We worry if he hates himself for what we ask for him to work on, he might commit suicide. But I came to the realization that he really needs help and that I want him to get better. And that if it is never addressed it wont just get better. I know he just needs help. Besides his depressive periods he is a pretty cool guy, he really cares for my mom and me. I know therapy is an option but we currently do not have the funds for that. He has been in therapy before, when he was working a job with health benefits. Please give me advice for how my mom and I could possibly help him, things we can discuss or say. -I hope you have a good day! ~☆

Ik this is fairly normal for us but its killing me and I just need to vent to people who understand. Me and my fp are just friends (even though I confessed my crush on him like 3 months ago lmfao) so he has no real obligation to talk to me but we haven't gone more than a week without talking in the last year, but now it's been about 10 days since I've heard from him and I don't think he's gonna talk to me any time soon. He's been active on social media, I see him talking to other people and it hurts so much. He's my only reason for living at this point and idk how to function without him. No matter how shitty my day is talking to him immediately makes me feel better. I want to text him so bad but I can't bc I don't want to bother him/make him mad at me. Ive been driving myself insane by remembering all the times he said he loved me, and then convincing myself that he must've been lying and that's why its so easy for him to forget me. What I hate even more about all of this is that I have so many other great friends who actually want to talk to me but I know that I would drop them in a second for him. I hate being like this.

for context i have type 2 and i’ve been off my meds for a few months (i know i know). things have been fine and then all of a sudden everything has been bothering me. burn out at work, frustration with my lack of social life. everything. it’s coming to a head and i can feel myself self destructing. i called out of work these last two days and i just don’t wanna go back. i don’t wanna work at all. honestly…. i just don’t wanna exist anymore. i recognise that im free falling into a pretty bad depression. my last deep depression landed me in the hospital and 3k in dept so i rlly don’t want to do that again. i just. want it to stop. why can’t i be happy. i have a great fucking job just fucking go to it. im so frustrated with myself. it’s to the point that i just want to get edibles again so i can just phase out. im fucking sick of everything.

I don’t know if anyone has ever felt like this, but I’ve had a fluctuating process when dealing with my anxiety and OCD It has been something that has come and gone and been such a roller coaster ride, as a person I’ve realized I someone that is really either one way or another there is no in between, it’s either I’m sleeping for hours and days or not sleeping at all, there’s no happy medium. I’ve been previously on medication such as Prozac and Xanax and a year ago decided that I wants fro work on my own growth without being reliant on medication. For the most part I was doing well and felt comfortable with what felt like a normal life, then life began to throw hits such as toxic work environment and family issues and it all seemed to come crippling back. I was suddenly not sleeping well, dreaming about my problems and then stuck in a cycle of being overly caffeinated and reliant on melatonin to even sleep. Which brings me to today where I decided to make an appointment with my psychiatrist again, I just want to know that it’s normal to feel defeated, I feel as thought this was a battle that I couldn’t win and now I’m crawling back for help, with some internal struggles of I am such a loser, I can’t just do this as other people would, I just have to give in and take the easy way out, but I can’t continue to do this as I think that I would just deteriorate.

*Throwaway account just because.* Struggling with this a lot lately. Want to give up, want to not be part of the "grind" just to stay a float. Would prefer to just live out my days without being part of society but seems the only option now is to just keep forcing yourself through the daily bullshit unless you're somehow rich and can live outside of everything. Just so tired of the job that is being a human. How does one deal with a society that won't let someone just live without contributing but also won't let someone *"exit"* when they want to? Context: Therapy for years (hate it, still feels detrimental to my mental health). Tried every medication under the sun (body just adapts to it after a couple months). Done every test for ADHD, Bi-polar, scans for anything in my brain, anything physical that could be causing it with no results.

So I’ve been pretty much like... in love with this dude for quite some time. Or maybe it wasn’t love? I have no idea. I’m still trying to figure that out. He’s been my best friend since 8th grade. We dated for 6 months in high school but it didn’t work out. He’s helped me through a lot. When I was going through my drug addiction he gave me a lot of advice that, at first I didn’t take, but then later on I ended up understanding more. It was like he know what I was going through and planted a seed. And then, when the time came where the advice was useful, I’d be like “Gosh darnit, he was right!” Which made me love him even more honestly. Anyway, we reconnected a lot during the last year and then we’d try not date or work something out and it would just fall right through. For a number of reasons. All and all, I think it was just the fact that he didn’t want a girl that was such high maintenance and I didn’t want a guy who who was so easily irritated and inconsistent. It just wasn’t meant to be. We love each other a lot, but we’re just simply better off as friends, it would seem. And that is what it is. But recently we were talking again and I just stopped replying to him because he said that he didn’t care if he died or not from the virus and that made me upset. Like, here I am caring about you, and loving you, and you STILL want to die, even after I thanked you for everything you’ve done for me and told you that I loved you (and you told me you loved me, too). Plus he’s abusing drugs again, and he’s expecting me to not just go with the flow about it. And I’m like... no?? Plus, they make him so unstable and he recognizes that, but won’t quit the drugs. And it’s like, okay so basically you’re showing me that I deserve inconsistency, as well? Because I care about you and you don’t want to follow your own advice and GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER? Like am I wrong? You can tell me if I’m wrong. I would prefer to be told if I’m being like... irrational or too one sided. I’m deadass. Thanks for letting me vent pals

Anyone else so painfully aware of their symptoms that you get scared about hurting someone cuz of your mood swings and episodes? This scares me so much :'( part of me is saying "you just have to be a good girl", which takes me back to my childhood and being abused by my parents..

i know the title might seem like a textbook definition of what anxiety feels like, but lately this physical sensation has been coming to me more frequently. usually in strong waves that last about an hour to an hour and a half at peak daytime, then again right before bed. it feels like my heart and blood pressure are riding a rollercoaster and i'm just flailing off the edge of it. it doesn't feel like a full panic attack, but it makes me unable to handle any stimuli whatsoever. i take lamotrigine 200mg (split in half throughout the day), propranolol 20mg (normally take 10mg at once though), and hydroxyzine 10mg as needed. i assumed taking propranolol would stop this sensation as it's a beta blocker and stops the severity of adrenaline on my body / the physical side effects of anxiety, but i also don't want to elevate my dose due to respiratory slowness, so i feel stuck. i could barely watch a movie today without the plot and events making this sensation worse. it's like i can't even have emotion otherwise my anxiety and cortisol levels increase at everything that stimulates me. i suppose i'm typing all this out partly to ask for advice and see if anyone else experiences these things daily, but also because it terrifies me and i need someone else to know i'm going through this. i've been very good about reassurance seeking as a habit lately, but sometimes i do genuinely need to check in with other people who have long-term anxiety to feel like i'm not experiencing something too strange :')

Does anyone have advice on coping with bipolar. I just got diagnosed recently. I kinda went down hill after I found out for some reason. It’s taking a tole on my everyday life and relationships. I want to get better I just don’t know where to start. I’m medicated but I know there is more in my everyday life I need to do. If anyone has any advice it would be greatly appreciated.

I used to be a great student, only bringing in A’s. But this year I’ve noticed that my grades have been heavily dropping. Now I get C’s and B’s, and my parents (who are immigrants and both went to prestigious colleges) are mad at me. I don’t know what to fucking do anymore in all honesty. Even when I try to study I fail, even when I think a test goes good I get a shit grade. And now it’s affecting me mentally. I’ve been feeling sadder and more depressed lately, and even my parents picked up on it. I guess they aren’t concerned enough to bring me to a professional or actually talk to me about mental health but they did comment on me seeming “slower than usual” and “more sad”. I seriously have no fucking clue what to do anymore, my life is falling apart. I get no joy from anything, i feel like I’m a robot who just does the same things everyday. I have no more emotions. I laugh and I smile, but that doesn’t mean anything. At the end of the day, I still end up on my bed kicking myself over my mistakes (mostly my shit grades). Does anyone have advice? I dont know how I can even make it anymore

I'm home for Christmas (student) which is really difficult as my parents place has a very negative/low-key toxic environment that makes managing my mental health very difficult. Im here for only a few weeks, which means a few weeks without seeing my gf that I live with. Under normal circumstances (if I was at my student house and she was gone for a few weeks), I'd miss her but it wouldn't be an issue. But being home is very difficult and I'm finding myself needing her/missing her alot. I keep messaging her so we can just talk, but it's Christmas and she has her own life so we're not really talking alot. Rationally I know this is fine, she's not angry at me, she's not leaving me and this doesn't mean she doesn't care. But, you know, bpd isn't thinking rational, it's thinking the latter. Bc of this I'm starting to feel resentment eg thoughts of not talking to her over Christmas bc what's the fucking point, thinking negative things about how she doest want to talk to me which means she's going to leave me ect. I don't want to sit here feeling like this, but I need some skills to help me out so I don't end up in a worse state. Thank you

Hello everyone! I have a friend that has BPD. We know each other since high school and we have been friends for years. During these years our friendship was/is unstable. There were times we were not speaking to each other and times were we were hanging out together. We never had any big arguments and I enjoy our time together. I am a person who enjoys solitude and to spend time by myself. I also tend to distance people and avoid social interactions when I am stressed. My friend needs a frequent and stable relationship with people because otherwise they feel abandoned. I understand this is a symptom of BPD and we have discussed it frequently. Today they told me that they thought best if we stopped communicating and that they feel that our relationship is not working out. They said that this is not what they want but they believe it is better this way because none of us will get hurt and asked me if I could think of a better solution. I really enjoy the company of my friend and I would like to continue our friendship. I am also willing to try to be more social with them. However I do not know whether this is going to be good for them. I understand that they feel abandoned by me and this feeling is very painful to them. But I also know that pushing people away and needing validation is also a symptom of BPD. My question is: Would it be best for them for me to try and continue our friendship (to validate them) or for us to end it? Thank you for your time reading this!

I feel like I relate to River from Firefly in a lot of ways. "She understands. She doesn't comprehend." "She feels everything, she can't not." And even though I haven't seen it in years, Astrid from white oleander. "I don't know how to express that being with someone so dangerous.. is the last time I felt safe." "She's never where she is She's only inside her head" That feeling doesn't happen too often, but I like when it does. Is anyone else like this with fictional characters?

Not my step mom, step sister, step brother (who all live with him). I found out by my cousin texting me, “I heard about what happened to your dad I’m thinking of you.” I don’t really have a relationship with my dad. But no matter what, he’s my dad. If something like that happens I want to know.

So my fiance has applied for SSI benefits because she has a handful of mental illnesses that prevent her from doing, well, anything. She was obviously denied seeing as how the federal government still doesn't view mental illness as a real disability. We are trying to find an attorney willing to help and no one will. Looking for any leads/similar stories. We're pretty desperate to find help, at this point. *side note* They'd have to practice nationally as we've already contacted everyone in the New England area

I’m always so happy around family/friends when I’m by myself I’m always so lonely..? Depressed anyone else get like this

There is something satisfying about a half ending. You know the kind of endings when you know things don’t end, you know the story is not yet finished but somehow the thought that you don’t have to endure another second of the emotional rollercoaster of the story overrides the disappointment of not knowing. That is kind of how I feel right now. I can’t determine whether the joy will be greater if I stay but at the same time I don’t know if it could become any worse. To say I’m burnt out would like being calling a zombie just dead. It’s already so past that point that it has almost reverted back to it’s live state yet it is left worse off than if it where just dead. My problem is the pressure of a future that would be considered good by most standards, easily achievable and yet I cling on to these ideals. I was given a set of skills for a good life and I am too greedy to settle so I end up with nothing but the craving to get rid of any chance of anything.

My doctor told me depressive symptoms significantly lessen in your late 30s(for women) and typically gets better with age and proper management. I wanted perspective from people who have been managing/living with depression for 10+ years. I was officially diagnosed 5 years ago and I’m still waiting for the “it gets better” part. I’ll be stable (and even happy) for a couple months and then feel awful for a while. I’m in treatment and I understand that the low moments don’t last forever but I no longer want to deal with the cycle for another 5 (or more) years.

He said there are two types of beauty, being beautiful and being hot, and I’m not hot apparently but im beautiful and girlfriend material . Lmfao this should make me feel good but I’m pissed that my boyfriend doesn’t think I’m a hot delicious slut. I hate this disorder. Haha fuck I’m so fucking mad and feel angry.

I recently found out I pregnant.. I have a group of friends and I told 2 people that are married (A and T), then a couple days after I told another friend (B)from the same group.. I was keeping it a secret from others because 2 other members from that same group were getting married in two weeks. After the wedding I was planning to tell everyone else.. Fast forward to 3 weeks after the wedding and friend A asked me if anyone else knew i was pregnant I told her yes friend B knows. Friend A asks for how long and why I didn’t tell her friend b knew as well.. I right away blurted we thought.. (FIRST MISTAKE, because I meant to say I though) a ways I told her, we thought it would be funny to keep it from everyone until I told the group. I had just unintentionally involved someone who was never meant to be involved in the first place… friend A starts asking more and more questions.. and then asks, so did you not tell me friend b knew. because you didn’t think I could keep a secret, do you see this as a joke to see who can keep secrets… at this point I’m freaking out and with that question I enter a state of panic… I told her my intention wasn’t for this to be a joke, I just didn’t say anything. As for friend B, I’m not her so I can’t respond for her, i don’t know why she wouldn’t mention anything either she probably just didn’t have the opportunity to.. I know I made a huge mistake by saying it would be funny for friend A to find out friend B knew once I reveal it to the rest of the group. But when friend A asked me why I didn’t tell her friend B knew, I never told friend A because I didn’t think it would be a big deal.. I figured friend A and B would eventually talk about it on their own. I have high functioning anxiety… and I come from a household with a manipulative mom. I don’t handle questions or confrontations well, I freak out and say things without thinking. Now this doesn’t excuse that fact I’ve offended a friend but I don’t how to fix this without offending her more.. I could really use some advice..? Thank you..

I’ve had Lexapro sitting in my prescriptions for months now and I can’t get myself to take it. I’m too scared. But I’m at the point where I’m crying every day and thinking I’m going to die every second. Like I’m constantly thinking I’m about to die. And I’m staring at this pill bottle afraid. I need to get myself to take it but I can’t

im kinda having a unintended "high" of klonopin right now, so my impulses are bigger now. just cut my whole right thigh and punched the hell out of my left one. i feel disgusting seeing these athletes on the olympics. im really overweight so yeah its a problem. and im terrified of going back to the gym because im not taking klonopin anymore (huge fucking withdrawal 3 months ago) actually im terrified of leaving the house in general just like i was 3 years ago because i feel awful all the time. so im taking it now because i thought id kill myself if i didnt sleep. now im probably going to kill myself anyway because nothing is worth it because im going to fuck it anyways, because i feel EVERYTHING and its dumb, its worthless its STUPID. it has no meaning having to feel this sadness this emptiness all the fucking time... and after i feel good for like 2 hours my mood shift like im in grief like what the fuck is this fucking brain. saturday i was in a party and the fuck that some actually really stupid but hot guy didnt wanna make out with me hurt so much and i didnt even know him. what the actual FUCK. im feeling so much pain so much pain i cant even breathe sometimes please i dont wanna be alive anymore

I feel like my fp is cheating on me. I can not control the crying anymore, I’m having a breakdown. I do not know if this is my BPD or not but I will explain why. He used to text me at work, but, recently in the last 4-5 months he told me he doesn’t want to text while he is at work. I said okay, but I found it odd. We are long distance, so when I visited him, there was a work softball thing, he is in the military btw. He apparently asked if I could come, they said no civilians. Long story short, i asked when he got back from it if there were civilians and he said one of my coworker brought his wife and kids and said “ you coulda come”. I have snooped on his phone when I was there and found nothing but something feels off or maybe my bpd is loosing its shit. Today, he woke me up to go to the interview, he was wearing the shirt that I like. I asked him in a joking way “ who are you trying to impress” he said you, and said there is no one to crush on. As he was leaving, he was like my hair is a mess, said I love you and hung up. I didnt say it back because I felt hurt. I got offered a position I really wanted, so I was excited and called him. He declined and said he was on the phone and kept asking if it was an emergency or not and I told him that it was good news. He proceeded to ask nicely that I do not call him while he is at work unless its an emergency. Now im brain is convinced there is someone at work he is crushing on. I do not know what to do. I guess I’m asking for reassurance or the brutal truth Sorry this is long, Im really struggling to regular my emotions right now.

I was always confused when my best friend would talk to other people when she had the chance to talk to me, because i thought that it was normal for everyone to only want to talk to one person all the time, like whenever i talked to other people i always knew i would rather talk to her, and i would get upset when she would talk to other people or choose to hang with them instead of me. Like I would want to harm myself or cut her of completely and all these feeling would immediately disappear when she would show interest in me again. I’m still a bit confused if that could have something to do with bpd, because although I’m not sure if i have it or if it’s something else i do relate to most of the things people who have bpd experience. Is it not normal to always prioritise the person you care about the most and never what to willingly socialise with anybody else? Again I’m very confused if this is actually not normal? Because i just always assumed she was just a horrible person.

thank you for giving us adorable furbaby photos to look at. so calming. :-)

I’m a 15 year old and I think I may have some mental illness that impacts my memory. A couple years ago a had a decent memory but now I have trouble remembering stuff I did the day prior or even the same day. I don’t really anything on this subject I was just wondering if anyone could give me any advice or anything.

Surely there's a point after seeking treatment and exhausting doctors and facilities and everything where there's just nothing left to do? I don't understand why everyone wants me to stay alive and keep fighting. I just don't get it

Hi all, does anyone have any tips for dealing with obsessive negative thought loops and catastrophizing. I keep ruminating and running scenarios about how something terrible is going to happen to my pregnant wife. To the point in where i am thinking how i will tell friends and family, how i'll react and how the news will be told to me. Anyone else experienced this or similar ?

So I've had anxiety since I was very young, I dealt with it pretty well in my 20s but once I had fertility issues my anxiety went through the roof. Hubby and I needed ivf to conceive and we have a beautiful little girl (the first girl born in 33 years) but the absolute fear and anxiety surrounding covid is crippling me and ruining my time with my baby. Instead of focusing on her and her milestones and just enjoying her, I'm finding myself checking the news multiple times a day for updates. The new varients are freaking me out as my husband and my parents are extremely high risk. How are you all managing to cope with the fear of this? I'm terrified my little girl will get it and while I know it doesn't seem to affect younger ones too badly I'm still scared and I think having to go through I've to get this precious little girl has made my fear so much worse. Any tips and tricks or link would be so appreciated.

I feel like my parents and ex insisted on me having BPD to gaslight and manipulate me which has inevitably lead to me having BPD. For context, my parents never sought me therapy or a psychiatrist even though they were nurses. My ex has undoubtedly told me shit on the phone saying straight up he’s out to get me after asking whether I’m recording the phone call. Then later in emails will say I’m not out to get you but only because he know that can be recorded back to him. He’s constantly accused me of BPD and I think it’s been done in a way to fuck with me. He’s an absolute narcissist and knowing their lies, I’m constantly having to remind myself what the truth and reality is.

Hey there! I'm not really sure if im supposed to post this but, pretty much for the past 4 or 5 years I've been feeling this really weird thing and well I'm not sure if it's just me being too paranoid or its an actual issue. Maybe it can be fixed idk. I'll try to explain it best I can, I pretty much feel like my house and my room especially are the only places on the planet where I'm actually welcome and safe. I'm sure thats a common thing, and I'm not sure how to explain it well. Whenever I go into public, I feel like everyone is looking at me and has some kinda aggression towards me. And whenever I try to talk to someone I can't get the words out my mouth, even though even before going somewhere as simple as the store i completely rehearse what im gonna say at home when im actually there i just feel Paralyzed. ive never spoken to anyone about this before and i dont think going to a doctor really would help much where i am. Sorry if this sounded really stupid or like im overexaggerating. But if anyone has any tips id love to hear them and thanks for reading.

I really don’t care about anything anymore I don’t care about myself I’m barely surviving I’m not living Not taking my wellbutrin makes me exhausted Maybe I’ll stay off it so I can keep sleeping Maybe I’ll sleep forever Maybe everyone will forget about me if I just stay away They’ve already forgotten

I’ve had really bad insomnia since my early teenage years… I am unable to fall asleep unless I am taking a sleep aid (I take zzzquil). Lately my insomnia has been a lot worse. I don’t usually go to bed until my boyfriend does, due to the fact that I feel protected sleeping beside him. I have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep even with a sleep aid. Also, it is worth mentioning that if I try to sleep by myself I cannot sleep until it is light outside or I have all of the lights on in my house due to my severe PTSD. I think my anxiety ties into that as well considering I’m always anxious and worried about what’s going to happen to me in the dark. My anxious thoughts and traumatizing images that go through my head when I’m trying to sleep are keeping me up a lot more than I would like them to. With that being said, does anybody have any tips or advice on what to do when this happens? Or how to try and avoid it? To give you an insight, I usually sleep with a sound machine or an app with sounds because it is very calming for my anxiety, and helps me relax enough to fall asleep. If I do have to sleep by myself, or even just have a panic attack in general, I will watch ASMR because I end up falling asleep watching ASMR, or at least calming down. But, unfortunately these things don’t always work. And technology isn’t exactly the best solution to extreme anxiety in the long run… Whatever advice or tips you guys have would help A LOT. Thank you in advance!

Recently a friend of mine tried to kill herself. This has made me react in a way that I didn't think I would. Lately I have been very stressed about recovery and the slow time at work any not getting the hours I need. I have not cut in 6 years and the the urges to do so have been extremely bad now. I have not done so because I don't want to lose my boyfriend of 6 years. I have only self harmed once wile with him (repeatedly punched my leg causing a bruise ). I also have a desire to go back to impatient. I haven't been there in eleven years. I have an overwhelming urge to act out . I want more cuts and scars and a release. So this has only gotten worse, it's like I am jelouse of my friend or that it's a competition. Borderlines feed eachothers destruction in impatient and maybe I miss that for some twisted reason. I want to play the who has it worse game, who can cut without getting caught, who can act up the most. Why after all these years, after finally getting my true diagnoses in Dec (I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 when 17 when iou went impatient for the first time) and trying to get to managing this do I want to destroy everything i worked fir and my relationship and go backwards and end up in the hospital for a third time?

I’m 21 male if that means something. I keep wanting to write a poem or a story I want to make some version of us real It’s honestly funny that things have gotten so imaginary there’s not even a person left to write these about I keep hoping someone will understand Or want to I guess I just want someone to care That feels selfish But it feels selfish to be alive I keep thinking how much I’d want someone to exist And have person to want me to exist as well It starting to feel selfish to even think or live I keep wanting to accomplish something but everything feels beyond me to accomplish I wanted to be here Right where I’m at And it still kinda hurts It still isn’t enough I’m sorry I said all this I’m sorry you had to read it all But at this point I’m sorry to even be alive

Anyone else experience headaches everyday as if it could be a tumor, though I know it’s anxiety, followed by foggy memory?

She assumed that my mental issues were gone because I had not said anything in awhile. But that’s not how it works. Depression is a disorder and doesn’t just go away

I want to cry and rage and scream into the void, but as a 37 year old man who was raised on a diet of toxic masculinity and a father who was never there for me emotionally I've become incapable of crying. I'm hollow. The only feeling I have anymore is the constant knot of anxiety in my chest and the nagging pangs of regret for all my past mistakes and unrealised potential. I'm in a daily battle with my own brain and I don't know how I'm going to live another 30+ years like this. The thought scares me. I've found myself wishing for a terminal diagnosis of some disease so I can just relax and wait for death. I don't want to keep doing this anymore. I'm going to speak with my doctor about me possibly having undiagnosed ADD, because reading other people's posts and comments makes me realise that my inattentiveness and inability to remain focused on something for long could be an underlying condition and not just that I'm a useless person. Thanks for reading. I hope you're all doing better than I am right now. This, too, shall pass.

Hi there, just recently stumbled upon this sub. So a brief background of myself I’m 27M, currently doing a second degree (my parents kinda gaslighted me into choosing my first one you know the whole asian parents schtick) and just finished the first semester of first year. Now I consider myself lucky how my parents still support me despite my age and all but I feel sad and unsatisfied with what I’m doing atm and I donno if I should tell them. My degree is architecture and it feels like I’m digging for meaning out of the most mundane shit, like I wish we could focus more on learning techniques but we’re focusing more on philosophy and knowing how this stick would feel if I threw it on a puddle and shit like that ffs we were gleaning for rubbish for weeks! I’m scared they’d stop supporting me if I quit so I’m trying really hard to persevere after all it’s just three years. Aside from that I try to practice gratitude, I have a lovely girlfriend who listens to me and I try to learn new skills but the feeling still stays there; I’m still sad and unsatisfied. It could be because I feel like I’m not making the most of my time I donno. I’m not new to living on my own but could it also be because I came from a tropical country and I moved to the UK and the gloomy weather’s just getting to me? I’m not even sure if I want to practice architecture and at this age I just feel so helpless I sometimes (very rarely) contemplate suicide. I’m probably just rambling on and it’s probably just those late night thoughts but I just want to know, am I ungrateful? Am I depressed? Do I just need a friendly wake-up slap, tough it out and hang in there? Apologies for the verbal diarrhea I’m writing in an emotional state late at night. Anyways thanks for reading, I really appreciate it.

like BPD is this entity over your shoulder taking in this recovery change/energy only to learn how to torture you differently. like a mutation or a virus

The insecurities, the doubt, the self-loathing, everything. They're in my dreams now. And I remember them. What's in my head when I'm awake is now coming from my wonderfully, sweet, understanding husband's mouth when I'm asleep. Now when I'm awake, I only hear it in his voice. I feel broken. I can't function. I finally told him today, but it doesn't help. I thought it would. How can I stop the nightmares? How can I turn a 100-step day back into 2 or 3-step?

So it all happened 4 years ago. Maybe it was the death of one of my grandfather, but I think not. I think this is because around this time, my sister started roasting me daily. But depression happened. The first few episodes only lasted a few months, and life was relatively good compared to today. 2 years back, another episode started due to the death of my other grandfather, but little did I know at the time, this will last for a very, very long time. COVID struck a few months later, and we went into lockdown. What made me feel miserable during this time period was anti-vaxers. They were the pinnacle of human idiocy. So dumb, we could not even laugh at them. And a certain deranged dictator-wanna be said covid is just flu. The trump supporter npcs cheered. I lost faith in humanity. Which then brings us today, where that damn depression episode is still lasting. Hælp.

Anyone overcome anxiety when it comes to doctors? I’m 20 weeks pregnant and have to go for regular check ups at the office and ultra sounds at the hospital I always feel like crap before my appointments and I’m fighting anxiety the whole time I’m there please any helpful advice I need to get through this

I get rlly angry but I can contain it depending on the situation BUT ahh when it comes to school fuck my life if I keep getting something wrong over and over I have an urge to slap myself or hit my head like just get it right type of vibe My life revolves around my grades I have a 4.0 and I’ve been maintaining real well but if I get a chance of having something below a A- I wanna self harm so bad and I feel worthless In being forced to quit smoking weed bc job and in order to help myself I gave my 1st bong that my dad bought me to my friend and her little cousin broke it apparently and I regret it so much it had emotional value and I’m so disappointed and I’m crying now bc fuckkkkk I regret ever giving it in the first place I’m trying to be like object ya da yada whatever but nahhh I’m so angry and not at her but the situation and I can’t ever get it back it was so pretty and it holds the memories I can never have again bc it’s broken and Idk I also lash out a lot only at my mom tho and I hate it I e definitely got a lot better but still It sucks. I regret it so much and wanna be better. She’s the only person I get upset at idk. And I feel like I’m losing my grip cuz I can’t smoke or do drugs (in case psychedelics come out in tests) to feel less ugh. I gave my grinder away to my boyfriends gf and yeah I regret it too now but it’s not like she’s going to break it and it’ll be at good use cause I can’t while I work and it’s for the best but I’m still mad And it feels like a lot I do journal emotions and try to meditate but it is easier said than done when your emotions are intense

Found out something about my bf that I really wish I didn’t know. Lurked and hurt myself so I’m going to pretend I didn’t see that. 👁👄👁