Datasets:

Kanakmi

/

mental-disorders

like 9

Hey all, I have really been struggling these past months with having super low energy and 0 motivation. I have had no Libido or interested in doing anything. I have been off of Valium for 57 days after being on 30mg aday for 3 years as well as quit drinking. I moved to a new state and I don’t know anyone so it’s hard not to isolate. I’m not sure what to do Bc just cleaning my room makes me sooo fatigued like I ran 5 miles. I don’t get this... I was a college athlete bf and was almost always in shape. I’m 39 years old but I know I should feel like I’m 90. Any advice would be appreciated.

I feel about ready to relapse into self harm and I know it will be nothing good… my abuser tried adding me on Facebook today and then I had my sister who doesn’t really like me anymore (because I’m trans) post about our dad, how she loves him and she’s learned to accept everyone (except trans and black people of course) this man who beat us, did drugs in front of us, left us with our horrifically abusive mother when I was 9 this, this man disappears till I’m 24 and then comes back into my life just to reject me again because I’m trans and he has two new kids now… so it’s no problem for him…but I still have no dad.. no mom… no family.. He will talk to my sister..but not me..he sends her birthday presents..but not me.. Now I’m laying in bed crying myself to sleep while my partner sleeps in their separate bed in other room.. wondering did I just pick a romantic partner that I knew would also never love me how I need because the people who were supposed to love me..never showed me that so now I’m settling for the bare minimum…someone who knows I’m having a complete meltdown but can’t bother to disrupt their sleep schedule..

There’s no one I feel emotionally safe around anymore. Looking at my family member who actually talks to me and my one friend, they don’t necessarily create a safe space for me anymore. I always feel like I’m being blamed or more issues I have get pointed out if I try to civilly and calmly express how I’m feeling. Now when I just want to text someone and say, “Hey, I’m not really having a great day, and I wish I was with you” I now just hear their previous reactions in my head. I have an audible memory and I remember people’s voices and what they say to me even many years after hearing it; it rings in my head. It hurts me more because I, being the BPD one, have been very strong. I have not lost my bearing in a while (which is more like 2 weeks but it takes so much effort it already feels like 6 months has gone by since the last time I had an episode that came out in front of my friend). Even during that episode I was able to recompose myself and level down, not saying hurtful things. I put a lot of effort in this, y’all. On top of controlling my BPD I’m doing extra things I hope would make my friends feel good about themselves or help them out somehow. And I happily, willingly do them. But it does hurt to never get the same in return, and it’s eating more at my self esteem now. I think they deserve love—— do I not?

[deleted]

I don't know if this is depression or I'm just fucked up in my own way, but I just don't really care much. not much about my exams, about my friends, like if I lost them I dont know if it would really get to me and actually those are good friends, I am able to do stuff but I feel there's no point in being happy because life is still kinda meaningless. And I won't be ever good enough to feel that I truly matter. Thoughts?

​ Male, Asian, 13 yr My parents consistently push me to get better in school, especially math. I used live in New Jersey, I felt like I belonged there, everything was chill. Now, im in California, and in one the most stupidly competitive schools, and I can't get straight As that my parents hope for. Im stuck to the point that I start lying to my parents about my grades, but the grade cards are coming in soon. What should I do?

Hey, everybody. If you are like me and not doing too well and could use someone to talk with about it, feel free to leave a comment. Also, I could use more girl friends. To rant about boys, to share BPD memes with, to watch Netflix with, and so on. If it has any relevance: I'm not violent and you'll rarely find me behaving aggressively, although I am trying to find a happy and healthy medium at the moment. I'd say I have a fair perception of things happening in front of me. I don't tend to act in an outwardly dramatic way. So I'd guess you could say I'm a quiet borderline.

Ive been doing DBT since the start of 2020 and have gotten so so much better and healthier. But right now Im sort of relapsing. CONTEXT: I dated this guy for 13mths but broke off in dec 2020. Then in july 2021 we started dating on & off (he came back to me) but it was awful, cus I didnt feel loved, so we broke off (mutually) on jan 2022. Despite the break up we ended up sexting 1.5 months ago where he confessed he still loved me and misses me but then we realised its best to keep distance moreso cus this relationship was hurtful to me. THE PROBLEM: Right now Im panik and have obsessive thoughts, i think he's falling in love w this girl. Which Im not sure why it bugs me. Yes I don't want to be with him, but oh do i still miss him- the break up is still fresh. I hate this feeling. I know its stupid to feel this way. But Im going crazy over this. Im thinking of maybe texting the girl hes into, cus I used to be very close friends with her in 2020, but oh god I should stop caring about this. I literally dont think she will ever fall for him cus he isnt her type. But why am I so obssessed with this thought? Its literally none of my business. Why do I care? I think my anxiety is hightened also cus Ive been so lonely lately -feel like I dont have any friends. TLDR: Please someone help me. Give me some DBT Skills I could practice? How do I get rid of these crazy obssessive thoughts? I hate this I feel so terrible.

my ex forgot my birthday three times and i’m still stuck here in love with him, i really wish i wasn’t such a loser sometimes. whats wrong with me honestly why can’t i just not need people, like they don’t know need me

i opened my blinds for the first time in months because i realized my plant wouldnt get enough light im kinda proud of that

I have been officially diagnosed with BPD for a few months now (as well as some other mental health issues). I am currently weaning off of effexior and I am having a lot of problems with my mental health symptoms coming back I also recently stopped attending therapy. I am feeling anxious, insecure, anger, and sadness all at once.

[deleted]

On December 4th it'll be four years since my overdose and I can't help but wonder if I had any brain damage from that, as I had three seizures and was unconscious for I don't know how long. To this day I still feel persistent brain fog that is always there I don't know if there's anything in my control that I can do to get rid of it. Do I have permanent brain damage that is untreatable? And will I have to live the rest of my life with the defective brain that I have?

i never thought i’d write something here but i just can’t anymore. i went through a breakup about three months ago. she was literally the love of my life. i’ve been in love with her since the last 5 years. to finally date her was so exceptional. i felt so happy after such a long time. but she dumped me 4 months into the relationship. ive been completely broke since. the truth is ive been depressed/empty since a very long time now. i practically dont have any friends. although im good academically and physically very fit too but life just doesn’t excite me anymore. i wake up everyday only to sleep a few hours later. i feel like sleeping all day. whats the point of life if you only want to sleep? i dont want to commit suicide but i want to die off a natural death (get some disease or something). i wish someday i never wake up after one of my naps. im just really tired and can barely keep my eyes open. there are times when i feel fine and energetic as well but at the end of the day its just empty and hollow. i don’t know what to do.

i was looking to find some more movies or tv shows where the characters have bpd/other mood disorders. i don’t know if it’s just me but it makes me feel seen? or to help me understand it from another perspective?

My dad is 67 and is gonna be 68 next month and here i’m 18 and i wish i can do things with my dad but i can’t because he’s a fucking alcoholic and doesn’t care about his health,he’s also a heavy smoker too which doesn’t help. Everyday i have to hear him coughing, throwing up, and going to the bathroom constantly i’m getting sick of it, he takes advantage of my mom and has to have her do everything for him bc he’s lazy. Like he doesn’t do anything except watch tv and drink beer everyday dude has dranked so much beer cans that idek how much. He can’t drive either bc he got his license taken away years ago and sold his car so he has to have my mom go to the gas station and get his shit for him. Like i’m literally this close to beating the shit out of him idc if he’s disabled or not he takes advantage of my mom and that shit pisses me off. Like my mom has payed so much money for his healthcare and has been in the hospital 2 times bc he was drunk asf and fell down the stairs. Idk what to do anymore i wish my dad was young and healthy ever since he’s gotten in his 60s he’s become more of an asshole and more unhealthy. I wanna move out and get my own place but the problem is i don’t have a job or have enough money so idk. Like ever since when i was a kid i’ve been depressed and angry i got a hot temper and my temper mainly comes from my dad so if anyone is reading this tell me what should i do?

I have no energy or drive to do anything else but sleep, smoke, or drink. Nothing makes me excited anymore. No friends, no job, no partner. I wake up and go back to sleep because its the closest thing to not existing without killing myself. I'm 24 and don't know how to live and take care of myself. I feel like a burden and a loser being all alone. I hate myself for everything.

I’m conflicted.

I started taking Lamictal a week ago, starting on 25mg and titrating up. This was after careful discussion with my psych (he wanted to put me on valproate originally) as I also need to be on a combined oral contraceptive to keep endometriosis at bay. I take Yasmin and at the direction of my gynaecologist, back to back 3-4 packets then have a break. Basically, this is probably the longest back to back I have done. I had my final exams at university and just couldn't deal with a period so I started a fifth packet of Yasmin and planned to break after that. Now I'm bleeding and having really bad period type cramps in my back but still have 8 days of this pill packet left. This started yesterday. I have never suffered breakthrough bleeding on Yasmin before so wondering if this is to do with the Lamictal? I did extensive research into mood stabilisers before deciding to try them and found that Lamictal is one of the better ones for not completely attenuating hormonal birth control. However I am now worried that my contraception is failing. I've had sex the past few weeks too as I'm in a LT relationship and live with my partner. We didn't use conforms or any additional contraception. Anybody had a similar experience with Lamictal and BC or have any advice?

hey guys. i have diagnosed PTSD, depression and anxiety. BPD runs in my family, and i’m concerned i may show symptoms of it. i am an 18 year old female. i’ve been wanting to see a psychiatrist or likewise to discuss my concerns and look into getting back on medication for my depression/anxiety. i was on prozac when i was 16 but became a danger to myself and others and haven’t been on anything since out of fear. just looking for how others navigated this route:)! i am only really interested in an evaluation /diagnosis (so i can be put on a medication to regulate my emotions. i have extreme episodes and have been told medicine can help.) right now but unsure if that is possible. i also know walking in saying i think i have BPD can be bad, but i’m worried for myself. my mother talks Shit about her mom who has BPD and it scares me because, i’m kinda the same she is. i just hide it from everyone. i know i should be ashamed (because my mom calls her mom evil). a past therapist says he thinks i have bipolar mixed episodes but Not BPD. everyone says i do not have BPD and i am just an emotional teenager. but i am extremely violent and have abusive tendencies. i want to get better, just not sure how i should go about it. i wish i knew what this could be if not BPD. but again, i’ve always been told it’s just my emotions . which is strange because i hit my head on walls and lay on the floor screaming. none of my friends do that lol.

i live in an area that’s basically an epicenter for corona. i’m afraid i might give it to my therapist since i’m experiencing hay fever symptoms but you never know. any advice ?

I have been physically ill, more than ever, in the past three years. This caused me to be separated from the majority of my friends as some don’t think I’m doing enough and that I haven’t lived up to my potential. (Not a bpd thing, I’ve actually been told this is what they think) I was going through old fb msgs and I saw I haven’t talked to an old friend of mine in a long time. We never met in person but I know him through other friends, who used to go to school with him. A few years ago he told me he liked me but I always had a boyfriend and the timing was never right. I miss this friendship, and I hope he misses me, we were like best friends. I just hope he still doesn’t feel that way as I still have a bf and have gone through enough treatment and I can see when I’m splitting on him, which I am not right now, though he does tend to be mean and then nice to me. He never made me feel like I wasn’t good enough like some of my “best friends” and i live only two hours away, I would like to reconnect and visit in person so I sent him a msg this am. I just wanted to put this out there, as I am semi nervous he won’t contact me back. I miss talking with him so much and he didn’t treat me like some people. I do want to say I am not splitting on my bf and I am not looking for an excuse to cheat, which I’ve done before, I just want my friends back. Most of them have slowly drifted from me with how their lives are going, I know they are busy but it still feels awful. Here’s to reconnecting with old besties!

i’ve been on a journey with “anxiety” and a miriad of other mental illnesses for 3 years now and it’s only gotten progressively more uncomfortable, i’m just so frustrated and honestly at the point of feeling uncomfortable in my vessel that it makes me su*vidal more often than not. my muscles do wierd things as time goes on and now daily i am constantly twitching, weak, or dealing with unexplained cramps or bruised feelings. it feels like my muscles are deteriorated. i piss constantly, can never sh*t either. sometime my head feels like a ballon and the room will spin, i start seeing light shocks… sensitive to noise and etc etc….. :( i’m here to see if anyone can relate because these symptoms do not help my hypochondria in any way even though i’ve got testing done, which seems to be a common theme for anxiety ridden people, all my tests say i’m a healthy 21 yr old girl. my body just feels like hell. i just want to curl up in a ball and cry to my mother but i can’t do that. this sucks

I feel my anxiety is not as bad as it sometimes get. But I keep being nauseous I woke up fine today and now it’s back again. Why? Is it truly anxiety? I don’t know what it is but it’s making me more anxious than I need to be. And the Gravols don’t work.

So basically I have been taking this one class this semester and I have not been having the best time with my group (class #1). I have other classes with group assignments and we all work well together and I can talk with them like normal no problem. But class #1 has been so hard for me and really been triggering my social anxiety. I have a hard time participating and find that there is a really negative atmosphere within our group. I know they all don’t like me because I tend to be pretty quite during discussions but now I don’t know how to get out of my anxiety. I tried to talk with them at the beginning of the semester and nothing seemed to resonate with them. I would try to joke around a bit and they were all so serious. I can’t explain it but I have such bad anxiety with them now that I almost completely shut down. We have been working on a short group presentation and discussing it during class. I tried to keep up and ask questions here and there but they all ignored me. I have been working on the PowerPoint at home trying to prove that I’m not lazy. I do want to hold my own in the group but I can’t work well with the environment. Any tips to make it through this class!?

Considering a class with these guys, any former customers who can speak on their experience and how well the program was run? I need to put 350 characters of text in here so i'm just filing this with random text blah blah squirrel it's you or frankie who's it gonna be you think he'd even think twice about it i dont know asshole f**ing asshole its no wonde

Hey guys... So everytime my girlfriend is texting with someone or is realy nice dressed even if she is only going to university my brain goes dumb. I think there is someone else, she is doing it for someone else, she is betraying me, she has found someone who is more interesting than I am... And so on. In the end I will going to loose her... I hate the feeling! And then I feel additional worse for thinking this way about her. Because she never ever gave me a sign for something like that or betrayed me in any way. She is so supportive and I say it to her, when my brain is doing shit again and she explain exactly why she do dress like what ever or what she wrote to everyone. She even shows me then. And everything she does without being hurt or mad or something else... Then I feel more save and calm down, but I still feel so bad for thinking this way... Can someone pls say me how to teach my brain not to?

28m. I won't pretend i have something i haven't been diagnosed with, but i relate with symptoms on this subreddit. i was thinking today that what i basically have started to feel a lot is fear. Feeling scared if I'm late for work, feeling afraid if i have to talk to customer support on the phone, scared of situations i was comfortable in before. It's the craziest things. feeling afraid of meeting old friends! Feeling afraid of moving to another place. feeling nervous of a potentially ugly interaction because I'm already scared of physical violence. it's especially bad because fear is so often associated with cowardice and 'being a pussy' that it can't even be expressed. Just feeling scared all the time, constantly in a fight or flight mode.

So I met this new guy on tinder a while ago and we kind of hit it off to begin with. We both are into the same stuff but he just moved to the area and we’re both living with our parents. He’s shown some red flags and one of the big ones is that he’s really spotty about texting back and really hot/cold. Like, when we’re together he’s all over me but then he won’t text me back for a couple days. This is a semi-trigger for me and it is also something that past FP’s have done to me. Something about hot/cold dynamics triggers that little gremlin in my brain that picks FP’s. My question is: how can I stop him becoming my FP? Is it even possible? Idk if I have the strength/coping skills to just cut him off. I just really don’t know what to do.

Sometimes it's more effective than coffee, nothing like a good mental strain to kick-off the day. /s Perhaps during sleep my brain has reserves of ridiculous thoughts and wait for me to wake up. It made an attempt this morning when I looked for jobs and found nothing. Unfortunately, job hunting gets equated with intense feelings of worthlessness. I cried a little but that was all. I'll take it since it beats some other mornings I've had. I've tried simply not thinking when I wake up, or create a little moment in the morning to be happy for (like making actual coffee and distracting myself with a book). Also for the love of all that's holy, sleep - Sleep deprivation has magnified my BPD in horrific ways. Who else has some ideas for making the morning run smoothly?

Been doing pretty good on a baby dose of lamictal. Then upped it last night. From 25 to 75. Also doubled trazadone 50 to 100 cause I was having trouble sleeping. (Doctor ordered all of this. I'm not just tinkering on my own.) Now I feel totally weird this a.m. telling myself it will sort out and I'll be fine for work on Monday. Can I get some 'you'll be fine's? Was supposed to work on a big project today but will put it off. (Also, my first post!)

Listening to No Children by Mountain Goats because it's an anthem and it occurred to me that if I should feel that strongly about anyone (I do) it should really be him. He wasn't the only one, or the worst one, but I feel like he was the one who first changed me fundamentally as a person. I don't think prior me would have put myself in situations which enabled the other ones. Coincidences bother me. I spoke to someone who knew me as a kid a few years back. He said "It was like you changed overnight. We all knew something terrible had happened to you, we just didn't know what." I'm not angry though. I'd like to be. I don't know what I feel. Not much, probably. I hate everything about BPD. I firmly believe it has ruined my life. That's not hyperbole, BTW. I could list the ways in which it (and therefore, I) really, objectively have. I deeply loathe myself on a fundamental level and will never stop because being a reprehensible human being is the only thing I know to be true about myself. My psychiatrist says BPD is because trauma. So he's partway or wholly responsible for destroying my life, and yet I'm not angry. Wtf, brain?!

Is there anyone who successfully healed from all the trauma that goes along with the illness? I seem to be managing the illness much better but not the trauma that’s gone in its wake. And frankly it’s been the mistreatment of people and stigma that has been the worst part of it for me including bad doctors.

Can anyone else relate? Has anyone found a way to get this non-stop worry under control? To address some of the things I worry about so there's less to worry about - specifically improving functioning and avoiding the void? Psychiatrist wants to put me on an SSRI, but I kind of doubt that's going to reduce my worrying. —————— I think my rumination is about terror over a lack of control and lack of sense of safety. It didn’t get anything like this until after my breakdown, after the voids, after losing hope about the future, after digesting my diagnosis more fully and seeing it across my life. There is so much to worry about. Especially with mental health issues. I know most of the things I worry about are unknowable and can't be controlled by me but I can't seem to make myself stop worrying about them, anyway. I can't seem to accept the possible pain and struggle ahead of me. These are the things I worry the most about lately and they are legitimate fears… 1. I am very dependent upon my mom. I work full-time but my job doesn't pay enough to cover my food, let alone my housing. My mom isn't going to live forever and I have no idea where I will live once she passes. It's challenging enough for me to hold a basic retail job, I really don't think I can hold a job that pays enough to sustain my life. Also, I rely on my mom for a lot of things - everything from handling tax issues that have come up to helping me with what to write in official emails to helping me prioritize tasks to packing my lunches for work and making my dinners to setting up medical appointments for me. And she is my constant companion and confidante and I have nobody to take on that role once she's gone - nobody to love me like she does and nobody I take as much comfort in having by my side. I can’t imagine how painful it would be to lose her. Surely, that will permanently wreck me. 2. The return of the void, the recurrence of the void throughout my life. The void (AKA the abyss) is a state of excruciating emptiness, apathy, despair, hopelessness, helplessness, and non-stop severe suicidal ideation that I have been lucky not to be in for nearly seven months now but which I know will come back throughout my life. I had several occurrences of it beginning about this time last year and running through April of this year. I've had it last half a day, I've had it last two months. I cannot bear for it to return even just once, let alone over and over again for the rest of my life. No coping skills relieved any of the pain or increased my functioning when attempted in the past. I can't work in that state. I can't stand to breathe each breath in that state. 3. The loss of my relationships with friends and family. Some of them have already become strained, dwindled, or dropped off. I have nothing to talk about except my problems and fears. I don't have hope for my future. I've been in therapy for eleven years and this disorder still runs my life, although I was not diagnosed until last year. I do not take pleasure from my senses or pleasurable activities, I have no intellectual interests, no hobbies, no dreams, no goals. I'm often wishing for death and thinking about suicide. I don't really bring anything positive to the table socially. 4. The afterlife. We don't know what, if any, afterlife awaits us. I worry that I'm not rising to the occasion of my life well enough and will be punished in future lives or go to Hell or some other terrible scenario awaits me. I was raised Christian but left the church when I was a teenager. I don't know what to believe - to me it's just as possible that there is no God as that there is one and it's just as possible that Islam is the way as Christianity and it's just as possible that Hinduism is right as Buddhism and it's just as possible that I'm already doing my best and that's enough as that I'm just telling myself I'm doing my best and what I'm doing is not enough. I fear the suffering that may await me after this life and I already have so much suffering awaiting me in this life to try to make it through. 5. Having anything else to deal with on top of this disorder - I.E. a physical illness, a new major trauma, a serious injury, when this disorder already makes me want to not be alive, makes me think about killing myself 6. Living day in and day out for a lot longer with the nothingness/emptiness I face each day when I’m not in the void, with no improvement - a life of drudgery How can I help but worry about all of this? Especially with the baseline of nothingness/emptiness keeping me from being engaged by other things, putting pleasure out of my reach, keeping my mind from having other things to occupy it?

Hi everyone, Recently been diagnosed (finally!) after waiting for years... I'm doing lots of research but one thing I can't seem to find info on is reacting differently to different people. Like if my mum says something that triggers me, I usually get incredibly high and angry and cruel to her, saying nasty things and flipping out so aggressively but with my dad I'll go the opposite and I'll be depressed and withdrawn and crying. Does anyone else know why this could be? Have you experienced it before? Thanks for your help in advance! :D

I, at 19, have had suicidal thoughts for about seven and a half years now. I have never gotten help, because I’ve never actually tried to commit suicide or had a plan. I always basically just thought the world would be a better place without me. But, as I am growing in my adulthood, my thoughts are getting more and more dangerous and difficult to deal with. I have plans and ideas of how it may happen. My biggest fear with this is if I attempt suicide, then I may fail and need to explain it to my family. The other side of that is that I attempt suicide, it works, and I may have to explain it to God (yes I am religious). So, I guess my question to you is, how did you get help and when do you think it is appropriate to see a therapist? I’m mostly scared about the fact that my mom may find out. She is paying for my insurance and health right now because I am 19. I have self harmed, but never have actually tried to hurt myself. I just don’t want it to happen and I know that if I keep going like this it will only lead to something negative.

Don’t even know why I’m doing this. I’m just so lonely and everything else is just stress. Feels like there’s no good left in the world, it’s just all gone to shit. Is there any point anymore

I had a really bad couple of weeks with anxiety, possibly connected to some changes in medication. Now I feel deeply entrenched in "the hole" Is this an experience of people with BPD?

I don’t know if I can do this anymore. I’ve been suffering for years. I said that I would stay alive for Easter on Sunday and my birthday on Tuesday but I don’t think I will make it past tomorrow night. I’ve been miserable for at least 80% of the last 11 years and I’m only 21. I want to die. I used to be too afraid because I would feel ashamed of people finding out I killed myself. I don’t care what people say anymore. They didn’t acknowledge me alive, they won’t when I’m dead.

I (21F) have been with my bf (28M) for 8 months. I am currently 17 weeks pregnant, we just moved in together. Now for the problem: Our sex life is dying. It was fine in the beginning, he had a friend pass away in october last year, I was very understanding and supportive of him. It started this downward spiral and the amount of sdx we were having drastically decreased over the following months. Now we have sex less than once every two weeks. This was happening before I was ever pregnant (honestly with the lack of sex I'm surprised I got pregant...). I've tried talking to him about it. This been bothering me for 6 months straight. The issue is not my libido. It's always been very high and somehow being pregnant has only increased it. He never brings it up or wants to talk about it and I finally got him to give me an actual reason-- onset erectile dysfunction. Issue is- I dont believe him. The whole ED thing is just not really believable considering this is the first time I'm hearing about it and hes still young. Maybe I'd feel better rid he communicated with me about it more but he doesnt. He just acts like it's all fine and everything is normal. I think it's a lack of attraction to me in general and it eating me alive every day. He says its isnt but I really really dont believe him. Ive began to feel resentful and angry and its just making me a really unpleasant person in general. I want to move back into my family's house to get away from him and save money for my own place when the baby comes in October. I am becoming very unhappy with him, but some days I feel fine, and then the next second this entire issue is all I can think about. Am I splitting or is this reality???

Like I am not experiencing an episode, but feeling mildly depressed for months and suddenly, for a few minutes I feel like I’m back to normal. No more random thoughts, no more depression and feels just like being a normal person after a very long time. It’s like you finally remember who you really are before this bipolar thing. But this feeling disappears few minutes later.

Since I've started seeing a psychiatric, I've been prescribed multiple kinds of meds and have always had extremely strong reactions to them even on really small doses. Let me explain: for example, i tried on risperdal at some point and it was like the lowest dosage possible (0,50mg) and i physically only lasted a week because i had killer headaches, would feel ravenous (and I'm not exaggerating, i think i put up at least 2kgs in a week) and could not physically stay awake later than 6pm. Needless to say, it was one of the most awful weeks of my life, and everything stopped after i dropped the medication. Recently, I've been having the same problem with sertraline (0,25mg-> again, extremely low dosage) which I've been on for close to two years now and am trying to slowly come off of. The issue wasn't with the med when i took it (it didn't change anything) but with the withdrawal effects. I'm experiencing extreme symptoms (cold sweat, headaches, fainting spells, inability to stand up, etc...) when the dosage is literally as low as it can get ! it's a starter dosage that an old psychiatrist put me on and that was picked up but a new one but that just served as background medication. All of my psychiatrists are always puzzled about this because you aren't supposed to get such strong reactions to those dosages but I'm not showing signs of allergy to a component. Does anyone have insight on this/shares an experience/has an hypothesis to share? I'm feeling frustrated and wish I wasn't put on those meds in the first place.

ive been fucking a bunch of people for money because i have little to no self-respect and i feel like it's going to make me depressed soon my feelings usually come rushing in a few days after something has happened. i dont know how to feel. ive been feeling more sad and like i want to die or kill myself and tbh idk what to do

So the therapist I am with now is a trauma therapist. While she doesn't specialize in DBT, she has used DBT workbooks with me before in our sessions. Though, after a while I didn't feel like doing the work. And instead of pushing me, she let me take things at my own pace. As of now, she says she feels that I have blossomed in many areas of my life (boundaries with toxic family, making new friends, standing up tp toxic family. maintaining good grades, weaning off meds, etc) in spire of not doing DBT. I told her that I feel I needed to do somethign more, but that a part of me is afraid of healing since it conflicts with my comfortable chronic suicidality and my fear of "getting better". She says we can explore DBT more and she is willing to work with me She is an awesome therapist but I just feel guilty for not doing what is integral to BPD recovery.

Has anyone else heard of this therapy? I haven't had any manic or mixed symptoms since March 2020 (thank you, antipsychotics!) but I've had some lingering depressive type symptoms. My main depressive symptom is feeling exhausted all the time, even though I keep a consistent sleep schedule and am getting more than enough sleep (averaging around 10.5 hours a night, no sleep apnea or anything like that) AND am on stimulant medication for my ADHD. My thyroid levels are in the normal range as of my last round of blood work, but my doctor was telling me about this recent article suggesting that supplementing thyroid hormone can help patients with treatment-resistant bipolar depression, even if you don't test as hypothyroid. Apparently we tend not to metabolize the hormone as well as "normal" folks and having more of it in the body can help, or at least that's my understanding. I believe this is the article she was referencing. Unfortunately you must pay for a subscription in order to read it, so I'm not sure exactly what it says. She told me the studies that have been done on the topic have been small but that they saw good results with minimal side effects in the bipolar patients, and Dr. Tammas Kelly reports having used thyroid hormone to treat over 2000 bipolar patients. This treatment is not FDA-approved (and never will be since thyroid hormone is generic & no company is going to invest the money required for FDA approval on a drug they can't be the exclusive owners of) but my doctor trusts the expertise of Dr. Kelly and liked what she saw in the trials that have been done, even if they have been small. https://www.thecarlatreport.com/the-carlat-psychiatry-report/thyroid-augmentation-in-bipolar-disorder/ Anyway, my doctor told me she thought of me when she was reading the article, and asked me if it was something I would be interested in trying. I said absolutely. I'm excited to have something else to try and I'm grateful to have a doctor who is on the lookout for things we haven't tried yet to get me feeling better. Trying not to get TOO excited since there's no guarantee it will help, but I'm feeling good about it. I get my thyroid levels rechecked today and then as long as there aren't any surprises, I'll start on the thyroid supplement. Will post an update once I've been on it for a little while.

Got off work and have no plans… like none lol. I miss my ex so much. We were always doing things. I miss having someone come up on my phone I miss having someone to hold someone to come home to. Im like never on my phone these days so that a pro I guess. It sucks having no fun plans because you can only spend so much time with yourself uno? I’m sick of me I’m always around me. I ate some food and went for a walk. I just feel sad and drained but some days I feel so happy for the future and pumped. I live with family and IM SICK OF IT! Honestly my older sister is 25 and never leaves the house..just games it’s so pathetic but here I am so can I really judge? Fuck I just want the house to myself goddamnit. Good thing I’m starting school and will have the possibility to create new friends…feels like I’ve been fu king saying that for years now tho yikes I just miss him!!!! I know I shouldn’t but I do. I just wish he’d reach out and ask me how I am but he doesn’t care I’m sure. Neither of them do. First one definitely never did and this one definitely doesn’t now. I wish he’d come visit me. I wish I could tell him how’s it been and what I’m doing. I miss everything about him honestly from his big stupid truck to his stupid immature goofy jokes. I miss the way he made me feel and the person he helped me become. We got along so freaking well from big details to little, having the same taste to having the same opinions to having the same life goals. Ugh. Why did I need to fuck everything up. Do I really hate myself that much? I went back to the city I lived with him and asked for my stuff. He wouldn’t give it to me. So I walked away. I don’t care I’m not the same person I was it’s just stuff. Luckily I went to walk mart and there was one left of the lamp I had bought for my office in our house. Meant to be right? Ha. Ya right. I’m sick of summer tho. Reminds me of last year before my life went shit circumstances. Should have made better choices sigh. And all I have is our pet bird we used to call our love bird as a reminder of how stupid I am. I fucking miss you handsome and I didn’t realize how lucky I was until everything blew up. Note to self for future. Stay fucking loyal. Don’t be fucking entitled. Be grateful. When you have a break down and feel overwhelmed go to a safe place. When you really extremely are destroying your relationship then go to your friends for a night or two of def go to your family’s house for a week it’ll give you a wake up call…. LIVE YOURFUCKING LIFE FOR YOURSELF YOU DUMB BITCH! I’m doing everything right right now. Working, doing DBT work daily, been journaling, I have therapy regularly that I pay for myself, getting exercise, eating a good amount, been shopping and been having freedom with my new car, I’ve been kind to others and keeping my cool, been crocheting, been baking a lot, spending quality time with my parents dogs, been doing photography and spending time with family. Pampering myself to the extreme honestly I’m spoiled. I’ve also been doing meditation daily….even reading some nights instead of being on my phone….I do feel fulfilled soooo fulfilled I mean besides lacking in the friend department and being a bit fluffier than I’d like but within myself I feel good. I have not done any bad habit to fill a void. No sex work, no clinging onto toxic past people, no over eating, no stealing, not being a nasty bitch, no exploiting men, I’d say I’m doing well BUT fuck imagine how good it would feel IMAGINE HOW MUCH BETTER if I did this hard dirty work (which was the inevitable) with having a special person in my life. If I only did this years months ago. I fucked up and I know I did. I used to have good friends with good morals and imagine how many weddings I could have been do damnit lol. Forever will be learning from this point in my life. Shame on me. Seriously. Same on me multiple times. I’m proud of myself for making the absolute best of the situation tho.

I'm done. I'm done with my marriage. I'm done being a parent because I know I'm fucking them up worse than if I weren't here. Especially in this marriage. If I didn't have children, I'd have already done it. As much as I want this all to be done, I can't stand the idea of the kids having to deal with the thought that I didn't love them enough or that they weren't worth living for. I don't want to help pass this fucking depression on to them. But I'm so stuck. I have an autoimmune disease that causes almost daily discomfort and pain. I'm married (dead bedroom and companionship) to a person that has empathy for everything in this world, but none for me and my disease. If/when my condition flares, and i have to deal with it, her resentment of me comes bubbling up. It's almost like my SO punishes me and blames me for anything to do with my condition because she thinks it's always an excuse to isolate. I know she loves me as person, but there is no love between us. I can't just divorce, and really I don't want to. Plus one of the kids has special needs; with eruptions of their own. What I want to do is get my things in order, and die. But while people die everyday, I continue to not be one of them. So here I am, wishing for death. But a death that won't fuck the kids up later in life. I'm so tired of this all. Especially of having to wear a mask that everything is fine. I want my depression and illness to win, but not at all costs. I want it to be over.

I recommend playing Minecraft with the sound up because the music in the background is really nice. Oh and turn on creative mode. I think I might try using Minecraft again to help me not be constantly worrying about my future or feeling guilty about everything. I recommend you at least try it if you can.

Long time lurker, first-time poster. I just had a revelation about my anxiety. For most of today, I was feeling fine. I had anxiety which made me slightly irritable, but it was at a manageable level. Maybe around 4'ish, I was feeling pretty exuberant because the workday was almost over. I had no anxiety at that time. I felt good up until around 6, which was when my mood took a nosedive. Out of nowhere, my mind was racing and I couldn't really concentrate. I didn't feel like doing anything. My anxiety was back with a vengeance. I started having bad thoughts loop in my brain. I got a headache. It wasn't until I went to shower that I broke from the bad thought loop and realized that my mood changed drastically with seemingly no trigger. I wondered if maybe I was experiencing the beginning of a panic attack before, but that didn't seem right. I have had panic attacks in the past, and they were much worse than what I felt earlier. While trying to figure out why, my mind drifted to [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/lel2gs/tifu_by_having_sex_with_my_wife_and_accidentally/) I read on TIFU three days ago, about a guy who had inadvertently been exposed to estrogen and had severe mood swings as a result. Lightbulb. It occurred to me to lookup where I am in my menstrual cycle. Then I looked up whether your position in your menstrual cycle can have an effect on anxiety. It turns out it can. Along with physical symptoms that you might experience during [premenstrual syndrome](https://www.healthline.com/health/premenstrual-syndrome#_noHeaderPrefixedContent), which is what many women experience before they get their period, it can also give you anxiety. If you already have anxiety regularly (like I do), it can make your anxiety much worse. This is called [premenstrual exacerbation](https://iapmd.org/pmdd-v-pme), which is the worsening of symptoms of another disorder such as depression or generalized anxiety disorder. Some women may experience [premenstrual dysphoric disorder](https://iapmd.org/about-pmdd) instead, which is a severe negative reaction to the rise and fall of estrogen and progesterone. They can experience severe anxiety, mood swings, difficulty concentrating, and a whole bunch of other symptoms. The difference between PMDD and PME is that women who experience PMDD, may only experience those symptoms around reproductive events such as the menstrual cycle, pregnancy, and menopause. Women who experience PME already experience their symptoms on a daily basis. I'm going to start tracking my moods and anxiety in relation to my menstrual cycle, to see if it is actually trigger for me before assuming it is PME. Maybe this could be helpful to other women who might not have realized that their anxiety could be triggered by their menstrual cycle. TLDR; Anxiety got worse out of nowhere, realized it's possible it could be because of the menstrual cycle.

I want to post this so people know they aren't alone when they are struggling in the festive period. It's hard spending time with people, being in noisy environments, controlling impulses with food and money...I could go on. Atm, I'm coming to realisation that I don't know who I am and that I basically don't have an identity. I thought I had a self image, I thought I was okay but I'm not. Also I hate this time of year cos its coming to a new year, meaning time is still going on and I'm still alive in a shitty world. Feel free to comment with ur stresses and struggles if it helps to get them off ur chest :) Keep ur head up ❤️

Hey, Yesterday was my birthday and I turned 25. I spent it entirely alone and cried the whole day. I have NO friends or family. Not as an exaggeration, the only people in my life are my two therapists. My family was really abusive growing up (I'm the only girl, three older brothers, parents hated each other). There isn't any bad blood but they really don't care about me. I don't know how to make real friends. I've racked my brain and I've tried being the type of friend I would want so I text first usually and at least once a week and I always give encouragement. I think I'm nice, but also that could be my problem. I'm one of those people that's overly helpful, always supportive, and always smiling. I think I'm a bad person because why doesn't anyone want to be my friend. I have severe depression (an eating disorder, ptsd, cptsd, pmdd, gad, panic disorder), go to therapy three times a week, and take 80mg Prozac, 150mg Wellbutrin, 1800mg Gabapentin. I feel like an absolute loser and I don't know how to turn my life around. I've always been this way. It feels like there's a barrier between me and the rest of the world as hard as I try. I've tried being more honest, less honest, funnier, more serious, everything. I've been quite thin, fat, pretty, ugly. I would say I'm emotionally intelligent, but maybe not. I want to die and I'm getting closer and closer each day. I don't know what to do and it seems like there isn't hope for me. I've been this way for years and it hasn't gotten better. What's the point. How do I turn this around?

Im a 17 year old girl going off to college next month, yet i still cant shake off the things people said about me in high school. people--students and teachers alike--called me dumb, dramatic, and i felt like alot of people hated me although i am told that is not true. i dont think im that dumb...got into nyu with a full ride (but at my competitive high school, nyu is mediocre). i had a teacher for 3 years that i heard from a friend (the teachers pretty close to him) said alot of bad things about me. that im dramatic, immature, etc etc etc. i dont hate/blame him because what he says is probably true, and i realize that im an awfully sensitive person. but it still hurt a lot and i wanted to die. i used to have anxiety attacks in his class and had to step out momentarily. i never told him, and i dont know if he knows i have anxiety... well whats done is done i guess. anyways, i just cant stop thinking about the negative things people said about me. and i dont really know if i can trust my own thoughts anymore. i cant tell if im stupid or smart, or what type of person i am. for these things i rely on my friends to tell me what i am (thankfully i have pretty accepting friends). i dont really know what to do anymore. i cant get therapy because my parents literally do not believe in it. how do i overcome my "anxious introversion"? i dont really want to live this way anymore and i want to improve. (sorry for the shitty grammar and all. im lazy and on phone)

I'm a 22 year old woman and I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 4 years now. It started in college,on a dating app, then got serious after he struggled with his health and I had to make a decision to get invested quickly. The first few months were wonderful, then I think we settled into a routine and started really living together, then I found him getting on my nerves more. And ever since 6 months ago, I've been having doubts about our relationship. I haven't felt like having sex, it makes me uncomfortable when before I would enjoy and initiate it. I've been keeping my distance and growing reclusive into books and games instead of communicating. When I try to go on dates or figure out something fun to do it all feels forced. Little things he does, like yelling at video games, or asking for sex, have annoyed me and even made me angry and I don't know why, but he thinks everything is fine. I've been thinking, probably because of all the media I've been consuming in the last few months, but I feel like, were the world ending, or if something were to happen with my partner and I, it wouldn't feel like, well, anything. It wouldn't feel like there was a risk, or I was losing someone I couldn't possibly part with. And that has started to scare me into thinking, maybe the relationship has run it's course. I had this realization in the middle of the store with him today and it made me feel like I was floating through jello. It was miserable. I am also moving for school in less than a week now. Like in two days. Its going to be far enough we won't see each other for a while. Its been weighing on me. Now when I'm in therapy for my anxiety what comes up most is just not feeling free, feeling trapped,like I'm not living up to my potential, but also feeling like if I were to uproot my life I'd have no safety net. I don't have many friends outside his friends and siblings, and my parents also love my partner so much. If things were to end, I'd have no one. Especially since I'm moving away and won't know anyone. i don't know what to do. It isn't as though my partner isn't kind and a good person. I've loved him but I feel completely closed off. I don't want to hurt him. But I'm worried this is a life transition we can't last through. And the worst part is he asks me about things like getting married, moving with me after he finishes school here, being together forever, and while I liked the idea at first now I'm worried I can't handle it, and I don't know how to break it to him, or when. We live together until I move, but it's such a short time period that were I to decide to end it now I'd have to stay here for two days. But am I to wait, I'm an asshole who led him on. Or this could all be the anxiety and stress of knowing everything in my life is changing all at once affecting my thinking, and everything will feel better once I move. I don't even know what advice I need, I just think I need someone to talk to and understand what I'm feeling, and maybe give whatever advice they can.

I was due on a 4 hour shift (not hard really) 3-7. But since I’m in 5-9 all next week and my last shift was 5-9, for some reason I was so sure I was in at 5 My friend texted me “where are you” at half 3 so then I realised. I said should I come in at 5 still even tho it’ll be only 2 hours? and she said the manager said yes. I got to the bus stop and turns out it’s a Bank holiday (news to me) so the Bus never arrived 🤦🏻‍♀️ I’m like fuuuck. I told my friend and she said the manager said to ring the store eek So I rang anxiously and explained what happened and I’m really sorry and then she had a talk with me. She was so annoyed with me (and well within her rights to be). She said as an adult I should know when there’s a bank holiday and when there’s buses coming. I said I know I’m sorry I can stay longer another day or come in at the weekend if that helps and she’s like, well, no, that doesn’t do anything, the way it works livvymax, is that when there’s allocated hours you be there. It’s not good. It’s affected the business. I’m like I know I’m so sorry I’m not really used to getting the bus I know they dont come on Sundays but I didn’t even know it was a bank hol. I feel so bad 💔 and then she said not reading the rota right is just a massive fail and made me feel rly stupid. I felt like I was gonna cry lol I just kept saying I know I’m really sorry. -I know it was stupid I’m so annoyed with myself bc I always check the rota 3x since I’m anxious I’ll be wrong and this one time I didn’t double or triple check my brain totally tricks me. I’m not trying to whine I take full responsibility I have ADHD and anxiety and depression so time management and organisation has always been rly tough for me . And I was just busy and stressed working from home ln I didn’t check the rota or look at bus times. Like I promise I know I’m dumb lol How am I supposed to hold down jobs or businesses or academics when I always fall behind and forget things and can’t get out of bed and fuck up. It’s a shame she was just getting to like me. Everyone at work thinks I’m an idiot now

i thought im okay, but im still not. i am still so depressed, and just thought of killing myself few seconds ago. i am not okay. i am not fine. i just want to die.

This is easier said than done when you are in deep depression with no motivation whatsoever. I'll tell when my true happiness will be found, when I am dead and never have to go through such a shittu existence again.

Out of curiosity, can anyone list some competent therapists/clinical psychologists/mental health professionals in Michigan? Preferably a professional that specializes in ADHD, executive dysfunction, and depression. Location isn't a concern as long as it isn't crazy far away like Traverse City. Generally, I would prefer if it was in Ann Arbor, but again, location isn't that bad of an issue (as long as it's in Michigan). Thanks in advance, I have been in a really deep rut lately and I desperately need assistance. P.S. Yes, I have checked PsychologyToday, addrefferal, CHADD, Reddit, and many other websites in hopes of finding a good one. I am now looking for good personal experience from people.

lately i’ve been noticing that i often flip between feeling like my brain is going too fast and too slow. when i’m anxious or stressed or even having a euphoric episode my brain feels almost too full, like i’m having too many thoughts at once. however sometimes, usually after a stressful event or a draining situation, i notice that my mind goes completely blank. just for reference, i suffer from dpdr as well as bpd. it’s like i have two modes: too much thinking and not enough thinking. can anyone else relate?

I'm trying to give her space since I'm trying to practise not giving in to my BPD thoughts, and I'll admit I did overcorrect and end up splitting which is exactly the opposite of what I wanted. Well my FP is having a rough time rn, and I didn't wanna give in and be her saviour like I usually try to. My mature brain knows we're both being irrational, but it's taking everything I've got rn to not Kms or self harm (I say with a cigarette in my mouth lmao). So basically FML 😌

Today at work whenever my boss was telling me how to do something I would find it hard to focus on her words and I know it’s because I’m very intimidated by her and anxious around her, even if she’s nice and not mean at all. She was standing in front of me and showing me how to do something and I wasn’t really acknowledging what she was doing, like not enough “ok that makes sense” stuff or anything. And she said “are you listening?” not in an aggressive tone or anything but it made me feel so sad because I was trying my best to understand what she was saying and to focus on what was happening right in front of me. Does anyone ever go through this and then people think you’re ignoring them and that you don’t care, or that you’re stupid?

I've been panicking because I'm not eating enough and dad keeps telling me I'm super skinny and I laugh it off but it hurts. I'm also becoming more weaker and my anxiety is just getting worse . My question is : when we as humans stop eating what's the symptoms?

Anger. Dear anger. I thought you were a friend. I really did. Oh so few were the times you came to visit me. Never stayed long. Your fire was invigorating. I don't get why. But you're here almost all the time. You're not visiting anymore,you're making yourself at home. You took anxiety's place, you pushed sadness away. It felt good. It was somewhat motivating to have someone with such a "can do attitude". You're trying to push depression at the door. But i think you have a crush on her and actually don't mind her. You two make quite a pair that's for sure. Even the smallest of thing can ignite you. And once the flames started, theyre not easy to put out. My only question is why. Why are you here so often? I didn't need you back then. It don't need you now. Why do you try to be the one keeping me afloat. Your fire is so intense sometimes that it could burn people who truly doesn't deserve it. And you know it full well. Yet you keep on burning. Today for the first time. You didn't calm down at all. You burned all day. For no reason. You made me change my face. My body language. You made me a different person. If it weren't for me we would have spit at some people's face. You're too present. You helped me. I get that. You got me to stand still on my feet instead of crumbling. You got me to stay alive with a burning desire to show them i deserve life. But I'm not in control of that fire. I need to put you out. You are not a friend. I got fooled. Anger. Today i banish you. Only show yourself when you are truly needed.

As the title says, I don't like going out. It's hard for me and I get anxiety everytime I have to go out to do something or have a coffe with a friend. I'm pretty sure that there is a lot of people in here that experience the same thing. What to do for that. I want to go out and have fun and do things but I hate the anxiety it gives me. It's not normal and I don't know how to cope with this.

I cant stand anyone i feel completely lost tired of everything

Hi all, I am new to this sub. I had a question and I knew that Reddit might be a good place to get some answers. After about 6 months in therapy, I decided it’s time I seek additional help from medication. My appointment is next week, and I’m just wondering if anyone has any advice going into this. The person who made my appointment said they may take blood work or an EKG... what is the purpose of that? I am hoping they will give me something that will help me manage my anxiety better. About 7 years ago I was on antidepressants but stopped taking them (I was 16). Thank you in advance, I wish you all well.

i don’t understand why i have such a fight, almost every single day, to get even the simplest things done. i have diagnosed BPD and major depression, and undiagnosed likely ASD, PTSD and CFS. i read stories about quadriplegic people who find something they love, and begin to thrive. it makes me feel such shame. not because someone physically challenged in that way ought to be worse than me at getting it together; but because nearly no one can see the reason i have such difficulty (and frequently don’t believe it half the time), and therefore it would seem i have no reason at all to find life possibly even harder than those individuals do. even i begin to believe that narrative: what about dressing and eating and moving around the house...i can do those things. what’s the big fuss? i find myself jealous of some of those physically challenged people’s sense of purpose: one such story is that of an e-sports team made up of severely disabled people, who nevertheless manage to to be as competitive as their fully-abled peers. why do i feel like i have no excuse? oughtn’t i to know my struggle is just as valid, by now? i look fit and healthy, today. so, why am i exhausted all the time? why is there a yawning void in my heart? why do i have this nausea and feeling of dread that never dissipate? and why is my life draining away a day at a time, with dreams only half fulfilled, unable to support myself financially, and filled with the shame of my own incredulity?

I have diagnosed BP2 and a trauma history (but I wouldn't say PTSD plays an active role in my current mental health). Over the past few weeks, I've felt changes coming on including irritability and rage, difficulty sleeping, nightmares, worsening mood, worsening SI, binge eating, minor dissociations, tripping over words... I thought I was heading into a depressive episode, my psych thinks it's a PTSD flare up, and my husband thinks I'm heading towards (hypo)mania. I'm freaking out and I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin. I'm still functioning and actually been getting tons of (unnecessary) things done, but I just feel awful. I wish I knew what was actually wrong. Can you relate?

I don’t honestly think I’ll make it to 23 I’ll be dead by then probably it’s ok that I will be too I’ll finally be able to relax not worry about getting money or a house or a partner who doesn’t even care I’ll just be nothing can’t wait tbh

I love traveling! I have mild anxiety, but I’m not medicated. I can usually get by with cardio exercise and meditation. When traveling I never get anxiety, and I’ve traveled extensively alone and with my husband. For my last two solo trips I’ve had major panic attacks, so much so that I’ve had to be on Lorazepam. They only hit at night, and I feel like I need to run outside immediately. I feel like I’m dying, and I can’t think straight. They will last for hours unless I take some meds. Has this happened to anyone else? Any insights?

Hi! I was just wondering if anyone had any tips on how to suppress/curb the feeling of sickness as a result of anxiety? When I feel anxious, the first thing I do is become nauseous. I feel like I want to throw up and because of that, I feel even more scared and worried. It sometimes stops me from living my day-to-day life. I did speak to my therapist about this and she gave me some tips (like breathing slowly and finding things to focus on) but I felt really sick this morning and doing the techniques mentioned just did not help at all. Does anyone have any good methods that they use to cope with sickness in anxiety? Thanks! :>

I know this trait is part of the neuroses personality type, did you ever find a coping mechanism to quiet the mental chatter that eats you up when constantly ravaged by doubt?

I'm 13 and I have an issue with anxiety and intrusive thoughts it's gotten to a point where now I always try to be in control of every situation in my life I keep putting too much pressure on myself and others I try not to do it but it still happens

What can one expect while starting to take this? Any help would be greatly appreciated

therapist gave me meds for bipolar behavior and mania on our first session, i think these only worsen my mood honestly, i feel like im a fucking psycopath around everyone. They said that these were supposed to give me more energy during the day but i see no difference. medication was my last resource i dont know what to do

Have you been diagnosed with Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)? The MacAnxiety Research Centre is conducting a short online survey on coping with symptoms of Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). We would be grateful for your help in completing survey below: [https://macanxiety.mcmaster.ca/surveys/?s=cgRTIx](https://macanxiety.mcmaster.ca/surveys/?s=cgRTIx&fbclid=IwAR2neFOOCmxfvu2s0Hk6bejJych-JOImWBSi6Jtt3ZOsYdxxGzZwTdYmJ_A) All data is collected anonymously and will be stored on a secure server. Responses will be used for research purposes only. *This study has been approved by the Hamilton Integrated Research Ethics Board. Identifying information will not be collected and individual responses will not be released.*

I'd gone three weeks without a panic attack. I'm not even sure I just entered one completely, but it felt like it. Rapid heart beat, having to catch myself and calm down. Was playing a game where there was conflict with another alliance, but I wasn't worked up, a little adrenaline surge maybe and then my stomach just feels like it's on a roller-coaster and panic took over,. It felt like a repeated sensation of going over a road bump, stomach plunging catching myself, over felt it because I was laying down, but the sensation was repeating. suddenly sweating, etc before my heart rate took off to a 104 which felt higher than it was - more conscious of the process this time, and then calmed straight away to 70-ish, and super quick within a minute or two to 50/60 which is normal for me. The order was definite stomach plunging first, then panic. This stomach plunging sensation has been a reoccurring thing for me, what actually causes it? I was thinking maybe vagus nerve but the only information I can find on that is when the vagus nerve works too well and the heart beat is going too low. Able to feel a lot calmer about things this time, which is good the first panic attacks left me with a lot of health anxiety and I couldn't sleep, at least it feels right now I can fall asleep okay.

I have episodes that make me split on my boyfriend, but i cannot tell him what triggers them because i don't want to come across as manipulative or controlling. I don't want him to change himself to accommodate me - i know that it's all in my head and that it is wrong and that's why i don't want to tell him what exactly upsets me and gets me off. to make it clear; he does absolutely nothing wrong, he's a great guy.

Okay so lemme explain. This isn’t necessarily about periods, rather than urine 💀💀💀 I always get a weird fear that like I will have somehow have bladder leaks and it’ll be on the back of my pants LMFAO. this has caused me to refuse to wear light colored jeans cuz of it. Idk what it is, but Inalways get the feeling like it’s on the back of my pants although it isn’t. Please tell me someone else deals w this 😭😭😭

The moment you start talking about ending your life people are all like "No don't do it it's gonna get better trust me" But in any other situation? Everyone will tell you that the older you get the worse your life becomes, and how much you will miss being younger. Social life? The older you get the harder it is to make friends, and you don't even have time to hang out with anyone anyway Love life? With every year you get less attractive, your dating pool gets smaller, and you have less time for dating. Good luck with that. Health? Once you turn 30 your body just starts rapidly deteriorating with every year until you die. All of your previous medical issues become worse, and you are sure to acquire some new ones. You're pretty much guaranteed to get at least one serious medical condition in your life(assuming you don't have one already) Work? If you thought school and part time jobs were hard then get ready to work 8-12 hours every single day, all year long, with almost no breaks, for the next 40 years if not more. All that just so you can afford food and place to sleep, so you can have enough energy to work some more. Forget having fun, your free time will be spent sleeping and doing house chores. Responsibilities? Don't forget anything for work, and to feed your kids, and to pay your taxes, and the bills, and to take care of your elderly parents, and to check you car, and to fix whatever is currently broken in your home and like million other things. Fucking up even one of these things can absolutely ruin your life and the lives of everyone around you. Every single aspect of your life gets worse as you get older. And that's all "good normal life" of a regular person. If you live in poverty, have serious health issues, criminal history or anything else, it's going to get even worse. But yeah, it's gonna get better. If I'm such a failure during my best years then I'm sure I will get better when my life gets even worse.

I need help. Like major help. Every night I'm on the brink of suicide and hate that i woke up alive forced through another day in Hell. I keep trying to reach out in the only ways i know how to. I cut on my knuckles and hands hoping someone will see and just ask "are you okay?" And ill make jokes about bad emotions and stuff I have. When i was drunk last night i posted a rant on my insta which now i read back comes across really worrying. No one cared. No one asked if i am alright. I keep trying to explain and express my emotions to my fp but i know they probably are to focused on their own life to bother with mine. I don't feel connected to anyone and it feels like everyone knows I'm basically insane. Friends don't stick around for long. No one cares and it drives me mad. I just want to talk to someone i want to be able to explain my emotions to someone. But i know that's a tall order. I don't really know what this is.

And yeah, i think I've posted in the past that i stopped my own medication, because i was doubting myself that i have bipolar. So, i went cold-turkey for a few days, the effects were miserable, i became paranoid, i couldn't think straight, i feel anxious and i cried uncontrollably. I became OVERSENSITIVE. So, I started again my medicine, although it's my choice whether to take or not.. It was heavy thing to continue taking medicine, deep inside i felt like sabotaging myself for neglecting myself. I know, I'm having so many "excuses" to get recovered. My doctor knew that I'm still unstable, suicidal and irritable. I cried in front of the doctor. That was 2 days ago, now.. I'm struggling to have heavyweight limbs and body parts. Not wanting to do anything, i felt like wanting to die. My brain already planned to have clear suicide attempt, racing thoughts, even worse.. I could see myself clear being stabbed.... And so.. Sometimes, i wanna run away from this illness... My parents think that I'm not having the worse case, IT IS BECAUSE THAT I'M UNDER CONTROL, what if i lose my control and I'm gonna be worse. I don't wanna be a burden to my family, that's why i don't let myself out of control...

Let’s say I made a mistake, like, I did a thing, drunk, and then immediately after realized what an awful thing that was before it had any time to effect anyone. But I still feel bad about it, I feel bad about the fact that I did the bad thing even though it was about *literally* 3 seconds before I undid it. I have this paranoid feeling that someone’s going to somehow just figure out that I did the bad thing for a second even though it was just a shitfaced cognitive dissonance moment, though it wouldn’t even make sense for someone to find out. I can’t apologize because then I’ve made people uncomfortable over this mistake I made long ago and undid before anyone knew it, and I can’t just wipe the slate clean cause I still *did* the bad thing, right?

Three weeks ago a coworker was assaulted at my workplace by someone she knew. He trespassed onto the property and cornered her in a bathroom. I saw and heard everything. I filled out a witness statement and was required to keep working after. I took my weekend and then I’ve cashed in all of my PTO and vacation days I’ve accrued. I’ve spent most of my three weeks smoking weed all day and night and not moving from my couch if I don’t have to. I live alone and don’t have very many friends so it’s been difficult. I have my partner though. I feel better for the most part. Time heals and all. And I wasn’t even the victim so I know it’s easy for me to say that. But it was scary. I wish I could say I’d never been so terrified or helpless in my life but I was in a similar situation a year prior involving family. I’m just sick of the violence. I don’t want to see it anymore. So tomorrow I’m going to dedicate to taking care of things that I’ve put off and try to slowly pull myself together. Pray for me.

I've been depressed pretty much my entire life but now it seems to be overbearing, i can't eat, i can't sleep, i can barely work, today i decided to take a shower for the first time in 2 weeks and it immediately brought back painful memories, i tried to take a walk to take my mind off of things but i broke down in the middle of the road, had to lay down in the middle of the fucking walkway to stop the shaking and the crying, pulled myself together and went back straight home, now i'm day drinking again, it's my 13 day in a row, i feel like shit, i can't handle this anymore, i don't want to wake up tomorrow but i can't do anything about it, i can't do that to my family or anyone who cares about me. I've been into therapy but it doesn't work, i just lost hope in life, i lost everything that i had, how do i move on? i'm desperate, i can't find any meaning of this, i have a lot going on yet nothing feels fulfilling, i feel empty, what do i do?

So I little insight is I dont have any friends. Over the past few months I became close to a coworker and we started talking, well one night I told him basically all the shitty stuff that's gone on and how I was down and he said it was fine that I talked to him. I really tried not to bring it up too much but I honestly started talking to him as friends. Fast forward a month later and it turns out he hates me for it. I just found out through a weird coincidence on reddit. Perfectly described our super unique work environment and my issues and said we aren't friends just fucking stop (not to me but in the post). I'm overwhelmed not only did I stupidly get attached to someone, I could get in trouble at work, I'm back down to no friends and I feel like a moron. Why do I always do this. Why cant I just find one person who will be there and not hate my guts for it. Why is this so damn hard I dont know what to do...

I can not afford to go to a mental health professional, so please don’t tell me to seek help. I just want someone to help me with my problems. My first problem is that I talk with myself a lot. I know this isn’t normal because I do it a lot, and usually my conversations have themes like depression, anger, bitterness, suicide, etc. My second problem is that I hit myself a lot. And very hard. I usually do it when I’m agitated or sad. I don’t quite understand why I do it, I just feel a strong urge to hit my face and head. My third problem is that I make weird signs and gestures. I do it especially after hitting myself. Like sometimes I’ll smile and move my eyes in different directions. And again I don’t understand why I do this. Besides these 3 problems, I think I suffer from depression and anxiety. So do you guys think my disorders are linked to my problems?

Recently, Ive been trying to get better. Ive been suffering for depression for over a year now, and have been diagnosed with a panic disorder as well. everythings fine life wise, im doing good in school and ive been going to therapy, but my parents are making it so hard for me. Sometime i really want to scream and cry but i cant. My mom has constantly been on my back for the littlest things, like her getting a mail from school telling them that the time for my school transport got changed, and since i didnt get the mail (only she did), i got late. she got incredibly upset at me, and when i told her that i dont get mails from school she started screaming at me saying that she doesnt provide for our family only to be disrespected by me. The whole argument escalated and she kept saying things like, "i dont even want to look at you", "you are a disgrace to this family" and finally "i wish you were never born". I honestly dont know why she said half of these things to me, its painful coming from her because she knows i take things really hard. The fact that this isnt even the first time is the worst part. I hate that shes constantly screaming at me for things that i cant control, like the fact that i have a panic disorder, or her getting upset at me for telling people im gay eventhough ive been out for like 3 years now, or if i dont want to wear certain clothes. Ive been dealing with this stuff for a while now, but today was just too much for me. It annoying that she thinks she can just say that i shouldnt have been born right to my face, its not like i chose to be born in this household. I hate the fact that im back to being suicidal because my mom said somethings to me, i hate that im back to square 1

I don't want to be alone. Please stay. Don't listen to me when i say that. Hold me while i cry. Don't let me alone with my thoughts.

Hey everyone, this is my very first post, so apologies if its a little off! I [25F] recently started a new job in a new city. Hoping to get out and meet new people while also getting to explore the area, I downloaded Hinge and matched with Aaron* [30M]. We proceeded to talk to for a while via text and had some good conversation. We eventually went out on a first date and ended up talking/staying out till 2 in the morning, he kissed me goodnight, and we went our seperate ways. He messaged me to say he made it home safe and had a good time, I sent him one back telling him thanks and that I also had a good time. The problem is that he hasn't texted me back in 3 days. I know that with my BPD I have a tendency to be overzealous and get too clingy too quickly. But for me three days feels like an eternity and I have been racking my brain and worrying myself sick over what feels like perceived rejection and abandonment. I realize this level of attachment to someone who is practically a stranger is wildly inappropriate, and I know nothing about it is logical, but I can't help feeling absolutely awful over the whole thing. I've been alternating between being angry, depressed, associating entirely, and occasionally sometimes being okay with it. Its exhausting.... I know the issue lies with past trauma and not with this person in particular, but that doesn't make me feel any better. In fact it makes me more frustrated with myself. I want to date and get to know people and work on my skills of handling things not working out but I took a year off dating because prior to this I had been on three dates in a row where the person I was seeing ghosted afterwards. I took the year to try and work on myself and get to a better place, and it's frustrating to feel like absolutely nothing has changed and I'm back at square 1. Basically: does anyone have any advice they have found useful for dating with BPD? Are there any healthy coping mechanisms that you'd reccomend (besides exercise, I've been doing plenty of that trying to use it as an outlet) TL;DR: I'm a basket case after my Hinge date hasn't texted me back after 3 days after what seemed like a nice date. Any advice on handling perceived rejection while dating with BPD?

I was clingy, moody, manipulative (never threatening though, and scared of abandonment. I would take advantage of support by acting worse to get more support. PTSD didn't help either. Though I struggle tremendously with PTSD, BPD has gotten so much easier. I am grateful to have such an amazing boyfriend who communicates with me (and I to him) about this. Now, with the help of a psychiatrist and my motivation to improvise I validate my emotions but rationalize them to not get to involved with them. I don't manipulate. Clinginess and abandonment issues are getting so much easier because I am willing to trust. It's been a long road so now I'm excited for everything else to come together. I've never posted here, but I thought it was worth sharing.

I didn’t get to see or barely speak to my FP for two weeks due to him putting in a lack of effort into seeing me. He lives in another city (1 hour away) and was on vacation from work in the city I live in. After about a week of grieving this imagined abandonment, I shut off all feelings and now I’m numb. I saw him for the first time today and felt no emotions or desire. Has this happened to anyone else? Were you able to rekindle your feelings?

I’ve seemed to very quickly latch on to this new FP since we’ve become close. Also I broke up with my boyfriend last night. This new FP was tired, went to bed early and now my brain is eating me alive. The only ‘reasonable’ explanation it can come up with is ‘he’s sick of you and he doesn’t want to talk anymore’. I am very aware that this is most probably not the case, mainly caused he stayed up 3 hours longer with me last night. However, I am incapable of believing anything else than ‘he hates you. you were right. you’re horrible’. I want to either lash out at him (while he’s sleeping and that is such a bad idea) or frantically find someone to talk to instead (and obviously talking to no one else is gonna satisfy me). Just. Why.

I went to rehab and got sober from my drug use, alcohol, and bulimia over 5 months ago. I've been failing in my eating disorder for like a month by not eating whenever I can, running in the florida heat for 2 hours, eating junk food. I want my adderall back to fast more and xanax to sleep. I don't want to live if I'm doing nothing about my fat. I keep craving heroin or fentanyl even though those are not my drugs of choice. I keep thinking how easy it would be to just get a bag and OD again. To leave my sober living, get a hotel and just pass in my sleep. OD is the closest I've had to death and I'm craving it. I'm 18 but have lived a life most adults haven't. I can't stand my PTSD. Rehab reopened my trauma and it didn't close. I keep seeing my dead girlfriend, when before that I couldn't really remember the day. I'm not using the programs, I just have that immature wish to be happy. I don't want to talk to anyone in the programs about it

Regarding my parents. They make me feel so confused. One second I love them, I want to hug them and chat and all that, then the next I’m crying as silent as I can on the bathroom floor because I feel like they hate me and I hate them. They can switch up emotions so quickly, and it makes it hard for me to confirm what’s a joke and not, and if they’re mad and happy. The past couple of days I’ve had multiple breakdowns just because I’m confused about how they feel towards me. Just today my mother set a rule and removed something very personal from me when she knew that it was the only thing giving me comfort. I’m pretty sure it was bad for me, so at first I thought she was being caring, but she sounded mad and cold? I’m just really confused about what we feel about each other. It’s tough living with them when I feel so unliked and hated, then the next moment they act like nothing happened and I don’t even get an apology? I hate them, but I love them sometimes, and I hate that I do. Unlike most situations it’s bipolar, it switches up within a second, and it pains me

So I’m a 26 (f) with overwhelming anxiety. My parents have used this to shame and guilt me to stay home my whole life. I want to study abroad so bad and feel free.. I know my parents want to protect me but I just feel like dying staying here

This is the second time I have this phantom smell of smoke and I'm worried about what it could be. I have a lot of anxiety and have other typical symptoms of it but this is relatively new. I experienced it once a few months back and now again. Does anyone else get this? I'm so anxious that it could be something else (damage to olfactory nerve for example) even though I know it most likely is related to my anxiety.

I have had this for about 6 years. I've really struggled with it. I thought it could've been a nerve damage issue from playing football, but I got an MRI and it was all clear. However I've been doing more reading and I've found something similarish can happen with anxiety however the doctors I have seen haven't really ever suggested it. Does anybody else experience this?

Like these people in my life that I love buy me gifts and shit and I am like leave me the fuck alone seriously because I know none of them really love me and they are only doing this shit because they feel fucking obligated. Fuck birthdays. Every single year is the same shit.

I had the worst panic attack I've had in years last night from 12-1:30 AM. When my anxiety is at its worst and during these panic attacks my entire body convulses and shakes uncontrollably - possibly the most uncomfortable of the experience seeing as I have no control over my own motor functions. I wasn't able to fall asleep until almost 5 AM, woke up at 8 and ever since my panic attack have been in flight or fight mode, shivering occasionally and still more anxious than I've been on years. It's been nearly 11 hours and I haven't gotten better. haven't eaten, my stomach's tied in knots and I have no appetite. I just want this to be over. To make matters worse, I experience psychosis when my anxiety gets worse and im running on little to no sleep.

My FP has become so distant, I tried to end the conversation to avoid being hurt further and he continued it only to ignore me again. I [20F] texted my FP [22M] last night after he responded to me after around 6 hours. I replied to what he said then added “I’ll leave you to it then. Have a good week”. I said this because I wanted to be the one to end the conversation, I could sense that I was bothering him. He then responded about an hour later with “Thanks dude. What have you been up to?” I took this as a sign he wanted to keep talking. I responded, now it’s been 13 hours and he hasn’t said anything. I am non stop crying over this. I hate this stupid attachment. He should’ve just let the conversation die.