Datasets:

Kanakmi

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mental-disorders

like 9

At a young age, it feels like I’m dealing with things that most don’t have to. Without getting into details, I have a certain health issue that causes me a ton of stress. Physically it sucks. But mentally, it may be worse. I don’t know if it will improve, if it will get worse, how bad it can get, and how it will affect future relationships and other things. I know we’re all dealing with anxiety, so I’m sure you guys can relate. How it occupies all my thoughts, even in moments when I’m happy or having fun, it’s like a shadow I can’t ignore. I remember not too long ago when I lived without such constant anxiety, it’s been so long that I’ve forgotten what it feels like to live my life in peace.

hey all, so over the last few months ive been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and it has actually consumed every aspect of my life ive latched on HEAVILY to my roommates since they were the first people that showed me love and support since starting college the problem is that now im constantly afraid of them up and leaving me my brain registers everything they do without me as "oh my god they hate me and they wouldn't care less if i was dead," which is irrational as hell since they're dating it's gotten so bad that ive started to hallucinate them talking to me and stuff and i feel like im losing it my therapist sent me with a bunch of homework to help but it isn't really helping me that much i just don't know what to do

Waves of fear, impending doom, all interests, appetites and desires cancelled out by a feeling that your soul and spirit is being murdered for no good reason?

So far I’ve been diagnosed with combined type ADHD, depression, and PTSD but my psychiatrist has asked me if I’ve considered Borderline personality disorder and my counselor this week asked me if I was sure I didn’t have Bipolar disorder and I told her no because I don’t think I’m manic or hypomanic but then again I’m not sure and my mom has Bipolar disorder. I’m currently being medicated for the depression, anxiety, and ADHD with Prozac and Straterra which I think the Straterra is helping a little with the ADHD but Prozac has only seemed to make more irritable and agitated plus I started self harming pretty bad after starting them. I just want to get diagnosed correctly and on the right track.

I decid d not to go. No big deal! But every time I'm alone I get super paranoid and panic. It's not even been 10 minutes and I'm already freaking out! Do you guys have any tips on keeping calm and getting these intrusive thoughts away

hello ! so i have bpd (im like nearly one hundred percent sure) and i cant really control what i hyperfixate on. alot of times its romantically. like with serial killers and certain not very cool individuals (as of recent dylann roof). i feel really bad and my friends are starting to dislike me but i dont know how to control it or explain to them that i know its wrong and i just cant stop.

25yrs old living in a world where you have to be an billionaire to just have a "mediocre" life. Housing market is shit and i cant afford to leave my parents house. Inflation is high as fuck, job pay is fucking horrible thanks to the high ass inflation. Can't get a gf because I'm not good looking and can't go out on my own and probably will be single for ever. In college debt cause you have to have a degree to have a regular job just to get paid next to nothing. Mental health is fucking horrible and life isn't making it better. Can't fucking work without fucking up something or forgetting something. Greenhorn is running circles around me and I just wanna give up. My body is failing, im always in pain and it's not going to get any better. I'm losing strength to fight. Talking about it makes it worse. Probably just gonna remove all accounts of social media and just survive.

Can anxiety cause diarrhea?

I’ve been doing a lot of introspection through this COVID times. And through it I’ve seen a lot of paradigm shifts in my thinking and also just a clearer image. Like you know how when you watch movies you have the option to choose full screen or wide screen? I feel like my perception is becoming widescreen and things that were hidden before are now making a bigger picture. I’ve always thought that most of my issues and low self esteem came from the fact that I was never enough. Especially growing up as a charismatic Christian with an authoritarian father. I felt like I fell short to the expectations of my religion and my parents. I then developed OCD with severe panic attacks when I was 13. My treatment was mostly prayer from my parents. Things got better when I had school as a distraction. Then as I got older my patterns of BPD started blooming. Relationship to relationship. I have always felt like I run from relationships bc I feel like I’m not enough. But honestly I think it’s bc I feel like I’m too much for people. Since the age of 13 I have been riddled with panic attacks, uncontrollable crying, rage, self harm, suicidal thoughts. And at my core I feel like why would anyone want to be with that? So when my romantic partner is loving towards me I don’t understand it. Most people don’t know what do to with me during my panic attacks and I feel like an outsider. I feel disconnected to the world bc I feel like no one truly understands me.

I’ve hit rock bottom guys. Him and his girlfriend both filed a restraining order against me.i am TERRIFIED I will not follow it. I don’t enjoy literally anything in life. Every day I go into my 9-5 knowing thinking I’m going to get fired. My friends have all stepped back because I’ve been SO much lately. My self harm started relapsing. I think I need to be institutionalized but I’m scared as hell. Did it help anyone? How did it go?

Wether your impulsive vice/coping mechanism is weed, alcohol, narcotics, prescription pills etc whatever it may be that made you either numb to the pain or actually gave you that “happiness” you’ve been searching for or both.... Has it stopped working? I know that alcohol was a big one for me and that was the “numb the pain, have crazy fun I can’t remember” side, and it spiraled way out of control and a lot of bad stuff happened to me (sexual assault) and it turned me so irrational when I was drunk and promiscuous and it put stress on a lot of my relationships. I swore up and down I wasn’t addicted and when I finally came to terms with it and said okay maybe I am, I just stopped? It stopped being a coping mechanism, it just stopped appealing to me. I drink here and there very rarely now and it’s a dangerous game to play on how much I can have just because of the whole impulse control that I lack but if I’m actively not drinking it doesn’t bother me I don’t crave it. And then with drugs/prescription pills that gave me that push of energy and “happiness”, it just doesn’t work anymore and it’s to the point where it brings to much emotion to surface now that I don’t want to feel or handle and sober me is more numb than anything i can put into my body to make me feel that way. It’s scary tbh. The same with self harm it just stopped helping and I went from doing it almost everyday since I was 14 to nothing. Is this a bad or good thing? What happens when I run out of ways to cope? When I’m more numb being myself then when I’m under the influence.

Prior to conceiving my daughter via IVF, I felt like it was very selfish to inflict existence onto another human being, especially when I was going to such lengths to do it. At that time, I sometimes wondered if I was depressed because of some anhedonia and irritability Now that she’s here (5 months old), I love her so much that it’s painful. It makes me feel even worse about bringing her into the world because she doesn’t deserve to suffer. I try and remind myself life is full of joy AND pain - it isn’t all bad - and the joy is so much more powerful when we also know suffering…. but I look at her and just feel so many complicated feelings - guilt, love, a desire to live forever so I can protect her. I have intrusive thoughts about all of this and occasionally intrusive thoughts about bad things that could happen. I know lack of sleep doesn’t help any of this. I am curious if anyone else has felt this way and if medication and/or therapy helped.

Hello, i came across of this such condition as - BPD. I’ll try to make long story short, and what’s going on with me, so as a guy i’m pretty unstable and having drastic mood-swings ups and downs like a roller coaster, one hour i feel genuinely happy, next hour i’m feel very stupid and cannot get rid of negative thoughts, basically cannot get rid of thinking that i’m extremely stupid dumb or biggest fool on the planet, to the point that i start crying and believe that i’m mentally retarted.. even if i’m totally and generally fine cognitevely and motorically, and never someone told something like that, opposite my therapist think that i’m very creative, smart and have warrior spirit, warrior spirit becauce i’ve had traumas that i won’t put in this text, and those traumas been confirmed by my therapist messed up my self-esteem, so next hour i feel angry, just being around the people make me angry, because it seems they don’t understand how much i suffer, i have insomnia and on top of that recently lost a sense of time, it’s like i’ve been living in a same long day, there’s no yesterday or tommorow just presence. Back to the point of time i don’t feel depressed, depressed people feel that time is stopped, but for me time flow as a river hours turns in seconds, i can constanly scroll in social medias for all day long and it would be the same as one short moment, can’t hold any job, it’s to hard ans request to much inner effort, feel disconnect from social life, it’s like i’m in the group or crowd but my mind somwhere in the clouds day dreaming (zone out)

Hello to everyone, The solo point of this post is not to bad mouth my girlfriend, but to try to understand what is happening with her. Last few weeks, I keep thinking if my girlfriend has BPD. From where I come from, going to therapist is still a taboo subject. My girlfriend is one adorable person and at the same time sometimes It feels like I don't even know her. There was one stressful event in her life, about a year ago and that's the moment I kept constantly asking myself if everything is alright with her. Throughout reading, a lot, I stumbled upon term BPD. There were so many symptoms I could see in her behaviour. So lets start: \-She has no real friends in her life, and from what I heard she could never interact with people really well. There are people she spends time few times a year, and she is fine with them. But having a real friend, who you can spend much time with, none. There were 4 good friends, she had, but all of them left without explaining theirs actions to her. So having people in her life is fine, but having real friends is impossible. \-Everything in her life is white/black. One day she is speaking highly of someone, the other day she is speaking about the same person, as she sees him as pure evil. She goes out with 'friend' of hers, she tells me that it was relaxing, refreshing that she had great time. Next time she goes with the same person, its all about gossiping how boring they were, how they always speak about same stuff all the time and etc. Lately, in the evenings when we are not together, she is full of happiness, and she tells me that she can't wait to see me the next evening and watch some warn movie with me, cuddle etc. The next day, she would rather spend her time home alone, doing nothing. \-She started hurting herself. Whenever argument or fight occurs, she can't control it. She starts speaking non sense, things I don't believe she thinks. She can't cool down, her legs start shaking, she starts doing painful things to herself, like scratching her face, or tearing her hair and latest thing she started, is scratching her skin with some sharp object she can find in that exact moment. In fights with me, she started speaking about break up a lot, telling me we are not compatible, twisting everything I say, even though before, that same day, she would be speak like she can't imagine her life without me, showing me as the only stable thing in her life. \-I found out, that few months ago she believed I had stopped having feelings for her. She logged into all my social networks. We even almost broke up, because of it. The thing is, I have never stopped loving her I was just tired of our fights all the time. These days she is calling me weird, obsessive and paranoid. \-Fights, always fights. There is not a single moment in her life, that she is good with everybody around her. At this exact moment she is not in good terms with at least 60% people close to her, including me. \-Guilt. Since the moment I met her, she has almost always a sense of guilt. She feels guilty, about many things, and yet does a little to nothing to change the things that she is feeling guilty about. \-Compliments were always problem. When I say to her that she is adorable on the new profile picture, she gets angry, cause I'm making fun of her. Presents are weird thing as well. She has a lot of interests and choosing what to buy her is always fun to me. Whatever I buy, she feels guilty about it. It's way too expensive, u should have bought something for urself instead spending everything on me. When she buys me something, it's completely normal to spend most of her budged and if I ask her the same questions, she gets mad. \-She overreacts, to things that are not normal. For example, she emailed me some files from nowhere. When I asked her what's up with those files, she started yelling at me: 'why am I asking her stupid questions, her computer stopped working, she needs those files.' Like how could I know that, that at exact moment her computer stopped working (even thought it was completely fine that same day) and she was nervous about it. \-She feels bad sometimes, and not normal bad. She told me multiply times that she is thinking of suicide, and telling me things like 'I don't want to live this life'. When I ask her if she meant those things later, she always say that she didn't, and doesn't want to talk about it anymore. \-She is jealous of her little sisters a lot. I mean, they are spoiled a bit, but not to the amount she believes. She always think that she is the least likeable child in family. \-Risky things, drugs, unprotected sex are not things I saw at her. Those symptoms she doesn't have, or at least I'm not aware of them. \-She did nothing bad, used me, cheated me as I see much of people with BPD do. She doesn't do bad things to other people as well. She has soft spot for cats, she would do anything for them. At the moment she has 4 of them in her own house, who she found homeless. She is hardworking, she helps with everything in her house, I think sometimes that she even has OCD, because how clean everything is around her. It's worth mentioning that she has a really strict mother(who she resembles a lot), who is center of all her problems in her head. She spoke about her to few specialists and they see my girlfriend as super emotional human being. She is really clever, but sometimes I ask myself where is that intelligence when we can't agree on single thing, while fighting about something really stupid. Last few weeks, she started calling me the weird one, whenever I start talking about her behaviour. At the moment she is fighting, or lets call it 'process of ignoring' with 3 family members, when I ask her if she is okey, is there something that is bothering her, she gets mad, calling me paranoid, crazy, telling me I can't see she is happy and etc. Dilemma is, I can't be sure she has that problem. I can't diagnose someone, as I am not educated about mental illness at all. She is manifesting a lot of symptoms I found online, but I can't describe her as bad one, like most comments I read here about people with BPD. I told my brother the same story, and he couldn't believe me, we are talking about the same person. It feels, like I'm loosing my mind in all of this. What I need here, is to tell me honestly, if I'm the paranoid one and if I'm not, is this BPD, if so how to tell someone something serious as this, with them being totally unaware of it.

Not quite sure how to word it so I apologize if anyone is offended by my wording. I have a bf who for the most part grew up in a happy, healthy home with loving parents and siblings. He has a great connection with his family, whereas I have never had that in my life ever. Yesterday we were talking a little about our childhoods and the contrasts were ridiculous. It’s like we had complete opposite childhoods. His was full of learning, love, acceptance, growth, and exploration while mine was full of abuse (of every type), neglect, isolation, punishment, and trauma on top of trauma. I feel like such a broken person in comparison to my bf, and after our conversation I couldn’t help but wonder why someone as “healthy” as him would want to spend the rest of his life with someone so broken? Does anyone else feel this way with their SO? On one hand I am so grateful for having him in my life, but on the other hand I question so many things. I’ve known my bf since high school and he was never the “rescue the damsel in distress” kind of guy, it’s not like he’s one of those guys that constantly tries to “save” women who have been through shit or anything. So I can’t help but wonder, “*why me? Is something wrong with him?*” I’m sure my low self esteem or my self-loathing has something to do with it, but I’m wondering if anyone else has the same thoughts.

I'm in a zoom meeting and someone starting talking about a regular customer who has mental health issues, conspiracy leaning, paranoia etc. The meeting is for general support for customer facing employees. Anyway, the coworkers starting talking about what things might set off someone who is bipolar. And none of them are bipolar. So I jumped in and said I'm bipolar and gave some of the things I know affect my moods. Idk now I'm freaking out that these people know I'm bipolar and idk why I felt the need to say something.

As you seen from my previous post I was suffering with how bad I cut my arm and the fact I had to have it stiched up. Thursday evening I tried to commit suicide. I took over 60 paracetamol and have completely ruined my liver. I’m in agony they’ve treated me as well as they can. I feel anxious and just worried. I’ve got the crisis team on me now and have an assessment today.

I got really badly depressed and stopped fapping cuz it wasn't really doing anything for me but causing more anxiety. I've probably had a handful of boners these past 2 months but I still get hard in my sleep and sometimes wake up with morning wood so I dont think im physically broken. Now the urges are coming back but Im kinda anxious to start up again? Im anxious to cum but being super horny also makes me anxious, has anyone ever dealt with this?

Look at this: 1. Hair - bad 2. Brain - damaged 3. Forehead - too big 4. Eyes - shit 5. Nose - big 6. Teeth - dead 7. Body - fat How and why?

THrowing up Starving myself stealing no friends i hate my friends meds and therapy dont work major depression and bpd my mom hates me my dad and sister are sad smoking a pack a day running away bad grades shopping compulsively men use me everyone uses me

I don't know what to do anymore. I want to get better. I want to find a therapist. I want to ask for support at university. I want to reach out to others. But I can't. Every time I try to look for a therapist online or just think about talking to someone about my issues, I start panicking and have to stop. Any advice?

First actual post here, delete if it isn't allowed of course, but I didn't see anything against this in the rules. So I've been writing, or at least coming up with stories almost my whole writing as a coping mechanism. Recently I've gotten serious about pursuing writing as a career. Most of my stories involve the protagonist or a side character with some sort of mental disorder or illness (I'm all too interested in psychology). I most likely do this as a coping mechanism as well. In my most recent story, the protagonist is a psychopathic astrophysicist who's been obsessed with reaching outside of the known universe almost his whole life. I was just trying to pinpoint this as a mania to build up the character a bit more, but I couldn't quite do it. To specify he'll do anything to reach this goal, including criminal activity and nearly suicidal behavior. Just wanted to see if anyone knew anything that fits, if not that's not important, wouldn't ever say in the story his conditions really, just would be nice to know.

I have struggled with depression for a big majority of my life I’ve attempted suicide multiple times when I was 5 and 6 and one more time when I was 14. I have no motivation to do anything in life I cry myself to sleep every night I dread going to school because it makes my suicidal thoughts more frequent. I have a therapist and anti-depressants but half the time it feels neither of those work for me. Fuck man I just feel empty and exhausted 24/7 I don’t even do things for myself anymore only to keep up appearances. Anyone else relate? Sorry for any grammar errors I’m currently typing this in a dark room while crying

I've been dealing with Health Anxiety for almost 2 years now, even before this happened once in a blue moon I would feel this kind of flutter in my chest specially when i lay a certain way, usually it would last 3-5 seconds and go away either with a cough or changing my body position. Recently I've had it occur a couple times in a day, usually in the same position but sometimes they are extra strong and it kind of forces everything to stand still for a couple seconds. I've been to 3 different cardiologists, have had 2 event monitors placed(30 days each) and nothing has been discovered other than a skipped beat that was benign. I feel like i'm going insane and I don't know anything else i can do to help with whatever is going on with me. I fear that something was overlooked and I might die from whatever is causing this.

whether it's the games i play or the places i go or my fucking friends or for some reason representation for groups i'm apart of it all just pisses me the fuck off, everything and everyone feels like they have an ulterior motive or they just suck at what they're trying to do or everything just feels fucking boring. im tired of being angered by every single fucking thing

I mixed 10 xanax and beer together one day and it landed me waking up in the hospital days later, with a catheter and intubated. I also have several mental health diagnoses. Borderline personality being the most dominant. I live with these but they do NOT define the very essence of my being. Everyday can be a struggle but things do get better. We live in a society created to keep people depressed, all over the world. Since our birth we have been conditioned to be depressed(on different spectrums) The fact that you're here today and haven't given up, is a testament to the strength you carry. Hold onto hope even if it's for a fleeting moment. Have a nice day.

It's been three months since I had the first panic attack of my life. To make it worse, it happened on my birthday. I'm still scared as hell but the good thing is I've been far far better than the initial days that followed the aftermath of a panic attack. Whenever I hear the news regarding the death of someone, it makes me scared as if something terrible might happen to me too. I don't know how I can discard these fears away. My life has been upside down since then. Has anyone here been in my position? How did you overcome it?

I’m (26m) Sitting here at 1:40 am, unable to sleep because my heart is racing, chest is tight & breathing is laboured, brain won’t switch off at all so here I am. I’ve always had Anxiety to some degree, throughout school it was more to do with public speaking or something that most people feel anxious about, I would fret for a solid week if I had a speech to do. As the years have gone by it has gotten worse and worse. Slowly, activities that I would do with no problem started raising my anxiety & now I t’s at a point that even leaving my flat makes me anxious. I’ve told my girlfriend about my Anxiety but I don’t think she gets how bad it is, my friends are all loud, extroverts with seemingly no hang ups like this & probably wouldn’t even understand what I’m talking about if I were to tell them, so I decided to post it here to see if I could vent & hopefully get some sleep. The main cause of my anxiety is doing something different in work tomorrow than usual & going to a Christening of my friends child next weekend. All of the above probably sounds ridiculous but it’s crippling me right now man, I need to book a doctors appointment this week. Thanks for reading if anyone did, I don’t feel any less anxious but I may as well post this, seen as I’ve typed it all out.

FP has been working a lot lately. I mean a lot - haven't seen them in 2 weeks, so my abandonment trauma and anxious attachment is increasingly agitated. I texted FP at 3am a couple night ago - "sorry I'm literally so annoying" - regretted it instantly, last thing I want to do is make a big deal or make FP guilty. FP says that's not the case and they're just busy. I don't want to be overbearing. I've deleted FP's number so I can't text first. I'd like to express how I'd like to see FP if they have time for me but am having a really hard time sounding not-clingy and I can't determine if I should actually say anything at all. Advice needed. Thanks. TLDR: abandonment trauma being triggered by FP, what's a decent way to tell FP I'd like to see them?

A couple of friends were arguing about not a very big thing but they were talking very loud and fast, typically italian style, my Japanese friend first tried to calm them down, but they didn't listen. I came home and only heard a little of the convo, but my Japanese friend seems a little worried and distraught. I was about to leave when I saw she was hiding in a corner out of sight for my friends and was slicing her wrists pretty badly. I asked her what the hell she was doing, tried to bind her wounds the best could and told her I would like to talk to be in private outside the house. I told her I wasn't angry or was gong to yell, asked if she could please tell me what had happened and if she had done this before. We talked for a while and she seemed a little calmer, but now after we parted I feel really strange. What the hell do I do???

I just moved to a major city in another state with my partner who got a job here. I left a pretty good job where I was mostly stable at and although I wasn’t paid terribly well, I felt that I was on track to getting better. Well because of the pandemic it’s been very hard to find a job in my field (animal care) and was denied from so many places. I finally got a job at this animal rescue and while it’s full time and pays a tiny bit above average, I absolutely hate it. It’s only been a week and I can’t fathom stepping back in there. I think a huge part is because I’ve been unmedicated for the past two years and I simply just can’t do it anymore. The thing is I don’t have health insurance and have to be at my job for at least several months before I can be enrolled. I’m kind of at a wall with this as I’ve stared to slip back into very horrible habits (sh, relapsing in my ED) and I don’t know what to do. I honestly feel as if I’m not going to last much longer. I’m not sure what to do at this point as I can’t seek treatment with no insurance and I don’t think I can work at this time but I have bills to pay and need to work to get insurance. Any advice would be amazing as I’m not sure what to do at this point 😞

I stopped taking my meds in early September. I wanted my brain to work faster for work and hated that my antipsychotic messed with my memory/coordination. People around me know that I stopped taking them, and I've even been told that I seem particularly healthy off of them! Yesterday I woke up feeling unusually exhausted, and suddenly could not stop the flow of self-destructive thoughts (i.e. compulsions to drink, desperation to smoke or consume other drugs, trying to starve myself, etc). This morning I woke up and was immediately hit with a barrage of thoughts about more serious self harm. Every step I take feels ten times heavier than usual and I feel like I'm drowning. I've been in severely suicidal situations three times before, and I can tell that this is the route I am headed down. Thoughts related to self-harm and dying are nonstop. It feels unfair and cruel because I was doing so well. I don't want to go back on medication but now I am strongly considering whether or not I need to go to a hospital. Not only do these horrible thoughts have control of my mind right now, but there is active and undeniable desire to act on them. I feel like I cant tell the people closest to me what I am going through because it's basically my fault... they know I went off of my meds and they're going to think I am stupid for doing so. I feel so stupid! How do I tell anyone without worrying them?

Do you guys experience more vivid dreams when you're depressed? I do, they are always adventurous with landscapes that seem familiar but at the same time landscapes I've never seen before. And I feel more alive in my dreams, like things are rolling and moving forward. And in that very small transition state of just waking up I'm still kind of in the dream but I'm self aware and I'm overwhelmed by the feeling of not wanting to return to reality. So I sleep more and wake up past noon. I'm always disappointed to wake up and see my messy room, remember my assignments, and see the grey sky outside. When I'm depressed my dreams are a release that is unparalleled.

Does being in love helps bipolar disorder and make it bearable or does it make it worse and tougher to manage?

I am so, so relieved, as I was ready to leave her soon in any case, but I am also hurt because she was never really there when I needed her most, and after I communicated my feelings to her (calmly and politely), she became defensive and ignored me. This hurt me. Not only because I had just explained that ignoring me is extremely upsetting given my mental health and past, but also because anytime I approached her with a problem, which I only did twice, she would respond in this manner. Though mostly, she would be defensive and project her last relationship experience onto me, telling me all the while that if I didn’t communicate with her “this relationship wasn’t gonna work.” I did that, and it didn’t work anyway. I just came out as a lesbian last year. This was my first relationship and everything happened so fast and she kept saying she cared about me a lot and wanted to say she loved me on numerous occasions. I put myself out of comfort zone so many times for her, would take the subway and train to visit her, while she never visited me once, even after I asked her to/wondered why. (She didn’t want to because she “preferred hanging out here with her best friend and me and was nervous about taking the train but she’d do it eventually”, which she never did.) I felt tense and alone this past month. She lived in literal filth and wouldn’t let me help her clean, I rarely was able to just sit and be with her it was always her and her best friend which was very uncomfortable at times, especially when she would want intimacy and he was right there (and she admitted that she couldn’t ever be without him when I addressed this), and I was growing very concerned that she may not actually be the one for me, after I had showed her so much of me. I was always supportive of her, to the point that she was praising me to her therapist. I never exploded at her, like she kept predicting I would. Never belittled or yelled. I am very shy and reserved, actually, and being direct with her was difficult for me at first, as it’s hard for me to be direct in general, then it became difficult when I realized that her trauma and her own unresolved issues was what would ultimately make this relationship short-lived. I was patient with her regardless, as I empathized and didn’t want to hurt her. And I had learned how to cope with my BPD, which is in part how I was able to voice my concerns instead of bottling them up inside. She never once apologized for hurting me. She only apologized for “taking so long to get back to me” (because even though I was in a lot of pain from how she was blatantly ignoring me, I respected her and understood that she wanted space and I was scared that if I told her she was hurting me right now she’d say I was being manipulative ). And then she thanked me “so much for understanding”, which is what I never received in return. I want to ask her why she would be with me, knowing before I ever did that she would never actually be able to support me, knowing that she’s never done anything to address her own issues? I never made my BPD a secret. I told her from the beginning, and she said herself that I helped myself better than “the other people with BPD she knew”, yet this is what I get in return. She never addressed her issues but framed things as if I was ultimately the crazy one. It all feels so wrong, and unfair, but like I said, I’m relieved. I’m glad she was finally honest with me and didn’t string me along knowing she could never actually be there for me, even though the damage has already been done. She got her closure and ran away. I got nothing. Idk. People keep going on and on about how awful people with BPD are and how they’ll ruin you and are so inconsiderate and heartless and etc. Yet people with BPD aren’t evil. A lot of us work on our problems, for years, and have learned to communicate in a healthy manner, but we can wind up the ones used and discarded in the end, too. I am deeply disturbed by the way she went about everything, from beginning to end. This has put me off dating and reinforced the nightmare of me being unloveable and unworthy. Idk...

For as long as I can remember I have struggled with anxiety and depression, due to neglect, abuse and other traumatic events when I was a child. I am currently on medication but have just received my medical notes and I’m not formally diagnosed with any mental illness, even though I have already talked to many doctors about it. Does anyone have any advice on how to get doctors to listen to you? How much do I have to disclose about what’s going on? I already see a therapist and would hate to treat my doctor as another therapist but I’m desperate to get my mental illness recognised so I can receive formal treatment as I’m struggling to cope with normal life currently. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

I’ve been dealing with some serious panic attacks lately as a result of my anxiety. I get dizzy, vision goes white, I sweat, and my heart rate increases a dangerous amount. This would seem normal, however, it seems that the only thing that can make me feel better is laying down. I had one recently while walking home from the store and had to literally lay down on the sidewalk in order to ease my heart rate and be able to breathe properly. Has anyone else experienced this or can anyone explain to me why this is or maybe other ways to fix the problem?

So I was very drunk at this party and met this girl. She was also very drunk and we very nearly went the full distance. Luckily we were stopped and some time passed. I don’t remember everything but I’m certain we did not have sex. Someone then pointed out to me that we were both too drunk. Instantly I felt shame and regret and I left. I’ve never come close to doing this before and I feel like a monster. This was further influenced by being told the next day she didn’t remember the interaction with me only remembering minor details. I can’t stop thinking about it and i’ve started having panic attacks. I don’t want to leave the house out of shame and embarrassment. Like I said we luckily didn’t do anything but the thought that I nearly did something so horrible is eating me alive and it’s really staring to effect my anxiety and depression to the point of I can’t sleep.

Do you think five valium and a glass of wine is a call for help? Because hubby doesn't seem to care what I take. Unhealthy relationship codependent with my bpd but here we are, 24 years into a relationship where he still calls me a fucking bitch for waking him up. Idk

I’m tired. I’m so fucking tired. I should be happy, right? I’m 24, living on my own, have a well-paying, stable job, a wife, a kid. I should be happy. I shouldn’t be feeling like a waste of space. I should feel important. but god damn am I so tired of living. I don’t want to die. but I keep having the feeling that maybe my family’s life would be so much better if I wasn’t around anymore. That maybe my wife would be more attentive if I wasn’t around. That things would actually get done because I’m too fucking tired to do it. I’m tired of waking up at 3 am just to work 8 hours and clean and cook and take care of pets all by myself. I’m tired of wishing I wouldn’t wake up and having to take meds every night just to feel a masked serenity of semi-okayness that at this point I don’t know if I’m numb or if it’s real. I’m tired of trial and error. I’m tired of things not going my way. I want to feel important and loved and not be told what to do every step of my life. I want to be fucking normal. I want to be happy.

Sad thing I realized is literally all my emails, are spam, auto ones, no one reaches out to me, like I don’t exist

I feel like absolutely everything I do is some kind of lie or act, I will realize or notice some detail about the way I speak or move or think and immediately it becomes almost impossible to tell if I act that way because that's the way I am, or because I pretend to be like that because it feels like how I should be. I talk to myself constantly and I feel like part of me has become so detached from the rest of me that I can't tell if I am me or if I am watching me. I will often abandon saying or doing something randomly because I will realize I'm doing it and be unable to tell if I'm pretending to do it or not, and of course if I had to realize that I was doing it that would make it real, but I have so many habits I've developed to stop people from being able to tell how I'm feeling that I can't tell anymore, and of course, after I know that I do something, continuing to do it feels like an active decision, instead of just "being". I have no idea how to process emotions. A while ago I started crying, then realized I was crying, felt like I was fake crying, and then just fucking stopped, like on the spot. I wanted to punch a wall but couldn't because the fact that I had thought about punching the wall meant that I was pretending to want to punch the wall. Even writing this post feels like I'm rambling on about a fake issue for attention, and everything I'm saying feels fake, but I can acknowledge that I am having some kind of problem, but the second I try to do anything more than that I freeze up because I can't figure out if any of the things I feel like I want to do are things I actually want to do or things that I feel like I should want to do in the situation. Sorry if I'm just rambling on but I wanted to know if anyone had any idea what the fuck I'm talking about.

Too be frank, I’ve seen 15+ therapists and I seriously think every single one is too stupid and underqualified to treat me. I’m not trying to come off arrogant- I recognize this is likely my BPD acting and I want to get help, but I am extremely self-aware and I’ve been going to therapy for a decade and have never found any suggestions or advice from therapists useful. I always just find myself nodding and pretending to give a shit while they suggest for the millionth time that I eat high protein snacks to stop myself from binge eating or teach me to recognize when I’m using “cognitive distortions.” I know all their tricks, I know DBT and CBT like the back of my hand, I just feel like I know too much about what they’re trying to do and almost come into the sessions defensive, like I expect they’re trying to trick or scam me. Does anyone else experience this? I really want therapy to work but I feel like I’m too self aware and too educated about my own illness for it. Please let me know if anyone else can relate, I feel pretty alone in this experience.

i was asleep for over 20 hours.. no one checked up on me ;) welp sadly im still alive and still wanna end it.

Pretty sure this happens to practically tons of people with BPD or not, but because we are especially sensitive and a tad clingier or emotionally dependent on our crushes, it tends to take a bigger toll when things don't work out....maybe? Hmm...back before my bpd symptoms were pronounced or intense (around high school to early college), I dated a lot of guys that I settled for. This means I didn't have big standards and always had a new boyfriend except I only had a boyfriend just to have one for security. As time has gone by, my confidence has risen and I have become more social. I lost a lot of weight and apparently come off as attractive to many guys. However, now the guys I'm attracted to are totally not wanting to be in relationships or are just TOO mentally healthy for me (if that makes any sense..?) I'm so attracted to funny, outgoing, confident, assertive, ambitious, motivated, decently looking men but end up never having feelings returned. So I'm always just a potential friend with benefits person to them. Then on the other side, I noticed that the not so attractive, low confidence, non-ambitious, no dating experience, socially awkward guys ARE very into me both physically and emotionally. Nope. I just can't bring myself to be attracted to any of them at all. The only thing these guys all have in common is that they play video games. I guess one side is just a lot more extroverted than the other. In the end I end up blaming myself and wondering if I'm even good enough to date the guys I'm ever attracted to. It's not that it's even unrealistic or anything. It's not like they are filthy rich or have celebrity looks. That's not even what I want. It's so hard to find the balance! Almost reaching 30 years of age and I'm getting a big discouraged. T_T

I was diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder over ten years ago and have found a concoction of medications that stabilize me enough to live a relatively stable life. I got Covid in mid-January and had HORRIBLE irritability and mood swings. Like to the point where I felt completely off my rocker and understood the consequences of my actions, but didn’t care. It honestly scared me. Since then, I FINALLY feel somewhat normal but find myself having more severe mood swings than pre-Covid. Has anyone else suffered from mood issues after a Covid diagnosis? Surely I’m not the only one…

Nobody fucking loves me. I'm done. Straight up done. I have no will nor any reason to live. I have no friends, family, or anyone to look forward to at all. Never been in a relationship and will never be. Moved away from my abusive and narcissistic unsupportive family who just made me feel more shitty and now I have no one in my life anymore. I've got no one to talk to, so here I am. I'm just a fucking cockhead faker who just knows how to annoy people and flex on my fake ass life. I do nothing all day because I have no friends and I have social anxiety. I never fit in with the society because I'm annoying and childish as fuck and I also have nothing interesting to talk about. Not that I can even hold a conversation normally. I stutter all the time when I speak and I often don't have much to say when I do speak. My entire life was based on how I want people to see me. I try to be cool when I'm a boring ass person. I try to hide the fact that I'm a fucking loser with a broke ass personality. I was depressed for the longest time I can remember and I've been on medication for 6 months but shit doesn't make a single difference. My therapist did somewhat make me feel better a couple of times, however after a few days I always went back to feeling shit again. I'm just done lying to myself and trying to make myself feel better at this point. I honestly don't understand how things could possibly get better. I genuinely want to die. I'm a loser. No one likes me, no one will. Why hang out with me when they could be hanging out with way more successful people with way better personality and social life. My existence is just a burden to people and I'm a waste of space in this world. I'll kill myself in a few hours as of writing this. No one will give a flying shit anyway. It sucks to not have anyone cry at your funeral but my landlord will probably find my body and report it so there's that I guess. All I wanted in my life was to make people smile and have at least a few friends who care about me to some extent. Now, I don't even have a family and if I were to stay with them for longer I think I would've checked out much earlier. If you made it till here, just want to say thank you for putting your time into reading this and bye.

I have been diagnosed with BPD, GAD, and chronic depression. It feels like I keep going downhill despite doing everything my psychiatrist tells me to do and being diligent with my treatment. I hit a low mood the other day and then my BPD has been building thought distortion on top of thought distortion making every moment worse. At the same time my fp/fwb of the past 6 months has told me he wants to go NC before the new year. I have been talking to someone else for the past month and I’m totally falling for him even though it was made clear at the beginning that nothing will ever happen and it keeps being reiterated frequently. I just don’t want to be alone and want to be loved but pretty sure that I’m not loveable. This is such a stupid problem. I know that it is. But it hurts more every minute. And I feel like I want to cling to someone and beg them to love me and at the same time I think I should just stay away from everyone because I can’t handle being me so how can anyone handle being around me? That’s how I feel at best. At worst I wish I was dead so that the pain would stop.

We had a fight where I lashed out and split on him. We were in a one-sided open relationship where I wasn't even his main gf. I was SO DISTRAUGHT the entire time but tried to hide it for 8 months. Then one day after seeing all his social media pics and likes with other girls+ the main gf, I just snapped. We decided on a cooling off period but he said he'd contact me later. During the cooling period I succumbed to the BPD feels and ended in the psych ward. I texted his friend to tell him I was in the psych ward. No details or anything. Said not to worry too much. I thought he'd at least ask if I was ok...plot twist, he never contacted me again after that. Moral of the story is: don't tell people about being in the psych ward. Now I'm in an even worse position than I was in before, going full BPD obsessing over my FP who is no longer in my life.

Hey I like rough sex, I get off on the pain and am not sexually satisfied unless Im covered in bruises and scratches and bitemarks etc. Fucked some awesome dude last night and now my knees, elbows, pelvis,back and neck hurt like fuck. My friends know why Im hurting and think I am crazy or stupid for letting somebody hurt me like that (I told him to). Am I insane after all? Is my sex life really that concerning?

Sometimes I comment here, trying to calm someone down and help. Today I read and cannot shake off the thought that I feel even worse than most people. Anxiety, pain, fear, plus all the life that has already passed by. The therapy is useless because there are secrets that I cannot reveal. No plans or dreams. There is no possible solution for me, I just wait for the lights to go out. I'm not saying that I can do something with myself, I have already realized that I will never have the courage. I'm just waiting and trying to comfort someone who's not as broken as me.

I’ve had this feeling my whole entire life. I always get super anxious when things are going well and I just think something terrible is going to happen - like I’m going to get stabbed/shot and killed or die in a tragic car crash. I drank a lot back in the day and I smoked a lot of cigarettes too. I knew my habits were bad for my family life and my health, but I didn’t want to change because it’s what I knew and I knew what to expect every night and thought that if I changed my habits…something terrible would happen. Fast forward a few years and I have gotten things under control with drinking and smoking. Now, I am starting a nursing program in January and I am terrified - not only of the program, but because I feel like I’m finally GOING somewhere in my life and I feel like something is going to happen before I can complete the program. I can’t shake these feelings of not being excited for nursing school, because I seriously think I will be dead before becoming a nurse. I feel crazy for thinking this way and have tried to talk to family, but they don’t get it… This is the first big thing I’ve done in my life and I am 30 years old. My anxiety in the past six months is through the roof! Does anyone have any similar experiences or any advice?

I feel constantly stressed and anxious. I’m just..not liking anything. I can barely eat and it feels like my stomach is always in a knot. All I feel like doing is lying down and scrolling through Reddit. I know why this is happening but I can’t do anything about it at the moment.

Hello all this is my first ever BPD post. I’m diagnosed, I go to weekly therapy and currently doing DBT. (47 M) I’m in a good relationship. My girlfriend does not have BPD. A few months ago, me and my girlfriend had sat down and created a boundaries list. To prevent BPD triggers for me and overall better the relationship. One of mine was “Do not leave me on read.” One of hers was “Tell me when you are driving.” Last night- I was driving home from hospital (Completely unrelated.) She asks me when my surgery is, that she loves me. It takes me 7 minutes to respond to this text. I responded I love her too. Told her in two weeks. I say “More”. She also says “More”. She leaves me on read, and I go to bed upset, I wake up and talk to her about it. She tells me she didn’t leave me on read, and says I’m misunderstanding the conversation. And flips it on me by saying I crossed her “Tell me when you’re driving” boundary. Which I understand I should have told her. But, I feel as if shes just flipping it on me. She says “Do you want us to tell when we go to bed? Cause you often leave me on read or pass out whilst texting.” When its completely unrelated. I just need perspective.. How to fix this?

[Marcy Fish & Naomi Osaka](https://www.latimes.com/sports/story/2021-06-01/mardy-fish-offers-his-support-to-naomi-osaka-hes-been-there) Mardy Fish perfectly captured what a anxiety spiral looks and feels like in this article. Recently Naomi said she doesn’t feel happy when she wins but feels relief, and ugh that hit me hard too. Sometimes words fail to describe my performance anxiety and these types of confessions from public figures make me feel less alone. It’s so hard to articulate what and why we’re anxious, despite whatever field we’re in.

I suffer from "Acute GAD"(along with a few other complimentary things). I have had this for nearly 4 years now. You might be wondering why someone such as me has not posted on here before but honestly my view is that reading about anxiety and what they are going through (No disrespect at all) kind of makes my anxiety just go off like a rocket, so I've always avoided these types of things but after nearly 4 years I'm kind of getting sick of it. I am relatively young only 26, I have had 3 doctors review me, bloods taken, general health check, asked for my life story, and then tell me they have no clue why I even have anxiety(move to next doctor). At the end of a 1 year experience with doctors and back a fourth appointments, they just gave me a shit ton of tablets and said there is nothing else we can really do. I am from the UK if anyone is wondering at this point. No disrespect again, because I know there are doctors out their doing legit gods work for their patients, I have not been so lucky, and in saying that I am sure most people from the UK will agree with me that they really do take mental health as if its a complete joke. Anywayyyy... Back to the title of this post(Just wanted to give some background on me because I'm new here) I am sure this question has been raised ALOT recently(Because of the Netflix series) but as stated above I really don't want to go through and read post after post to find answers. If you have tried Psychedelics, please just let me know what type of anxiety you have and how much or if at all it helped. (For Mods, sorry was unsure what flair to use, as this post is built of many first, first my introduction, then the question, which I'm sure that comes under Medication, but its kind of a discussion? plus a few other things. So feel free to correct me if there is a more appropriate flair)

Pretty straight forward. I’m the friend people don’t seem to ask if they’re doing good or how’s life going. I always seem fine. Resilient. Strong. Got their shit together. Will be okay type of person. And I am. It’s just that… I have my moments too where I want to lean on someone’s shoulder, get a random hug, be cared for, be looked after, hear the words “It’s gonna be okay. / You will be okay.” But it’s like when I’m sad, people don’t know that I am, and when they do, they don’t know what to do, and sometimes, they don’t believe that I am sad and need a hug, and often laugh or brush it off. And I think it’s through this that I also don’t know how to ask for it, or receive it properly in the few times that someone did. I’m just sad now and… I feel like I’m alone and I don’t want to be, but people don’t know how to be there for me, and I don’t know how best to receive them, so it’s better just coping on my own.

My BFF didn’t talk to me at group but she shared about her dad learning how to navigate the area. In her video, her house looked pretty spacious... it’s nothing compared to where she lived in Hawaii but in Las Vegas it is considered a nicer location with low crime. My family moved to a new house this week and I kinda miss our old place. I was happy despite being on the poor side. I still live on ssi so I can’t afford too many nice things and today I helped my mom clean our old house. I bought new pajamas and slippers online, which hopefully are nice. My birthday is next week but we won’t celebrate till late August because of my mom’s job. I’m tired of getting older without a family of my own. It was nice seeing my BFF though we couldn’t talk. I’m wondering if I should get involved more. Next week I want to go watch Where the Crawdads Sing.

I‘m 22 suffering from depression and Social Anxiety since I was 15. I tried 13 prescription meds, 2 depth psychological therapies and 1 cognitive behavioral therapy, everything without success. I feel depressed, anxious and dumb. Treatment resistant they call it. Is there any possibility that SAMe could help after so many treatment failures? 1. What‘s your experience with SAMe for especially Social Anxiety (as this is the main source of my depression) and depression/mood in general? 2. How long did it take until it worked / showed effects for you? What dose are you on? 3. What would you describe its effects like regarding mood/depression, social anxiety, general anxiety, energy/drive/motivation and cognition? 4. Also: any side effects? Any potential risk for withdrawal?

I dont need validation. I dont know what i need. Nothing seems real. I didnt wanna know the details. I was told them. My dad is a psychopath is very abusive yet he sounded like he was 12 yrs old. At first i didnt know who had my brothers phone as i didnt recognize it was my dad. I feel TOO Much and it causes BAD anxiety thats sent me to hospitals many times. Theres TOO MUCH to explain. Im tired of explaining. Life has been constant trauma. The last one took 2 years to get over. I finally quit drinking and now this. When i saw my brothers number pop up at 1am i didnt recognize the voice because my dad was crying so hard the words were gibberish and sounded like a 12 yr old boy. I went into shock. Went out of my body, was numb and then had to hear the grim fucking details and it gave me severe ptsd. I cant get the image out of my head. Im suffering EXTREME. Nothing seems real, im on xanax and STILL having anxiety and completely dissociated. I fucking ate even more i still am not in reality from anxiety. My brother meant well but had bad drugs problems thanks to a serial killer esque childhood we both had that STILL continued on till he drops dead? Meaning both of us near 40 and still being invalidated, treated like shit but we stayedloyalty to our parents as its all we had. . He was close to me but he died before he really died. I was so worried about his addiction for so long I ENDED UP IN ADDICTION BAD MYSELF. im 45 days clean off everything and then i get this phone call. My dad wants no accountability that their endless abuse caused his god damn death! i fucking hate god ! I posted this here because people dont understand the EXTREMES of dissociation derealization and anxiety so bad that im still crying and awake and numb on 7mg of xanax. My friend is SNORING driving me insane and im putting up with it at such a time of shock??? Fuck typing more. Theres a lot of mean people on reddit and i just am rotting alone with this. I never got validation from family and no emotional support and my brother was a character and we bonded through our trauma. EVen though im 3 years younger i was like the older brother. I think he had quiet bpd where mine is extremely overt. Bah blah blah blahha blah What do words do? People never expect this kinda shit to happen. His last words to me in a text 3 days before he died tonight were "im gonna take a nap man" Yeah he took a fucking permanent one. I cant stop crying.I KNOW why he died and i couldnt help him!

But telling them im not will just make them worry. They got their own Problems. Dont need mine too.

The man I've been dating for two months has been a little distant lately, especially after losing his job last week. It had gotten to the point where I might have only heard from him once every other day or so, so I'd pretty much written him off and started dating someone else. I wanted to understand the reason for this change, though, so I messaged him to set up a time to meet and talk over a drink. I'd known for awhile (even before the job situation) that I'd needed to have this conversation with him. He's wanted to move slowly in developing a relationship with me since the start, for several reasons I expect. Like me, he also ended a toxic relationship less than a year ago and had to move back home as a result. I also sense he's afraid of moving too fast and making the same mistakes as the last time. He's told me in no uncertain terms that he "never wants to do that again", so I do not doubt that he wants his next relationship to be his last. So it's been slow, but I like him and he's told me on several occasions how much he likes me too, so I stuck around. I went on several dates with other guys to avoid "putting all my eggs in one basket", but I stuck around. At the end of the day, he was always the one I wanted it to work out with. Yesterday at the bar, I was pretty quick to begin this conversation. I looked him straight in the eyes and asked if he wanted to keep doing this (dating me, that is). He told me that he did. We talked about a lot of things, and he apologized repeatedly for not handling the job situation like he should have. He admitted that he'd also been on a few dates (I wasn't surprised because we were never exclusive), but nothing stuck. I made a big effort to be assertive about the things I need if this is going to work out, most of all that he take more initiative in planning dates. He is not the type to just randomly text me and ask if I want to meet up, so it's been tough to gauge his interest in me. I explained all this, and he told me that he never felt pestered to hang out with me when I'd ask. He admitted that with most of this stuff (my concerns) he simply was oblivious that I needed those things. I tried not to overshare, but it was tough. I explained that I basically need daily contact to feel certain of his interest in me, and how I'd missed his "good morning" texts every day. I'd wanted to tell him my diagnosis since I received it a few weeks ago. He knew I was in therapy before this, but not the reason why. Yesterday the timing felt right, so I told him. He wasn't surprised, really. Actually, he'd already known. Earlier this week I'd mentioned in a text that I'd been receiving DBT therapy. I didn't expect him to know what that was. But yesterday he told me that his ex-girlfriend had the same diagnosis and went through this too, so he put the pieces together. I was a bit worried that he'd tell me he didn't want to repeat that with me, but he said that I am nothing like her, personality-wise, and that she had been resistant to the treatment whereas I am not. So that was fine. He texted me after he got home to say that he was glad we could talk and that he hoped I was feeling better (I'd been nearly in tears while explaining some of this stuff). I told him that I wasn't looking to date to find someone to "fix" me, and that I'd like to answer any questions he might have. He told me that he appreciates my openness, but wants to get to know me for me, whether it has to do with BPD or not. Like I described above, the biggest barriers seem to be the place he is in right now. He told me he's been questioning whether he's even ready to date again, and I know his living situation bothered him long before he lost his job. He told me that his recent sporadic contact was no reflection on me and that his interest was the same as it had always been. I told him that I won't push him to talk to me, be vulnerable with me, or move things faster than he's ready for. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't crazy for this guy. I want to be there for him, but I'm terrified to let him back into my life. Before yesterday, my splitting on him had protected me from getting hurt. Now I'm torn between embracing him or keeping him at arm's length until I know whether this could turn into something. This feels so ridiculously cliche. My therapist thinks I should try to be more empathetic toward his job situation. I'd like to hear your feedback, too.

I'm in a very bad place mentally and having dark thoughts and have no one to talk to irl. I just need some kind, ANY kind of interaction with another human being to keep these thoughts at bay. I don't know where else to reach out so fuck it I guess

My Family and the few friends that left saying, this is a joke . There is no such thing as anxiety and that leads to panic attacks. You're all making it up . All is just ' an excuse '. My all sufferings are an excuse My all sufferings are an excuse

I’ve always been struggling with depression and anxiety, but lately when I come home from work or just wake up in general the first thing I do is listen to music and I can’t stop like when I have turn it off I get very aggressive and annoyed with the people around me, I wear headphones all the time when I go anywhere because I don’t want to listen to the real world anymore. Any idea how this happens? Or Mabye it even happens to you? I’m a freshman in college for audio engineering and 18..

I've been supporting my friend for the past 4 years from their abusive family by having them live with me during my college years. It was ok in the beginning, but due to her anxiety attacks and depressive moments, I'm always living on edge to the point that I'm too scared to leave her alone. They have had moments of attempted suicide and I just feel like I'm emotionally stuck. I can't just ask her to leave since she has no money and has been trying to work off her debt and going back to her parents is just not possible. I just feel emotionally drained from having to deal with this all the time. We have other friends in our friend group but I'm the only one who constantly is around it and I don't know what to do. I'm tired of staying up late nights making sure things are okay, but then they says things about just going away and I just feel even worst. I'm kind of just going onto a ramble but if anyone understands, can you message some thoughts, thank you.

I’m waiting to begin intensive inpatient therapy for anxiety/panic disorder and PTSD. It’s pretty expensive (even with insurance) so I have to save up a bit, but in a meantime I need some coping strategies. My anxiety/panic has gotten so bad that I can’t drive or work. Some podcasts or YouTube channels would be wonderful 🙏 I really want to get better

I have worked hard for 28 years to finally earn the happiness I so desire. I got tired. I close things around myself to cause as little trouble as I leave and finish in a few days with a bottle of whiskey. It was enough. I hope you do better and I wish you all the best

lmao what a madlad on a serious note that wasn't what i was asking for, just wanted support from a friend, can't a friend just be friendly like come on don't think abt suicide anymore, convinced myself a while ago that i'd make too many people sad, but i do think i've got worse, which may seem contradictory but it's not in what i percieve to be a lucky turn of events i don't talk to him anymore, maybe like 30 words a day at most. soon i plan to tell him i don't wanna sit with him on the school bus. we've been 'friends' for a little over 5 years, plus 2 years a while before that, so it may be a bit messy, but tbh i borderline hate him, and seperating myself from him will only be positive: i won't spend ANY more time on a dead friendship i won't spend any time with him, which is good bc i don't like ANYTHING abt him (i liked him years ago, he changed) i can have closure, and hopefully stop hating him as much bc it sucks to hate someone

I swear, to me it feels like I’m pushed into a corner when criticized or insulted and want to lash out. I know how to control it now but there’s still insecurity in me that prompts me to seek validation, whether intentionally or not. How does one cope?

My room is so messy and it stresses me out so much but I can’t clean it and I just want to cry all the time I have so much anger and misery I have no outlet for and I just want to lie on the floor and feel nothing forever I want everyone to leave me alone and yet I want everyone to look after me I feel like I’m nothing and no one cares Im so fucking miserable I’m so fucking over this I don’t want to be here I feel so suffocated and I just want it to end I want it all to end so fucking badly I’m so tired

first thing's first. She's already seeing a psychologist. I recently met her and learned that she would freeze up and fidget when she's anxious. I wanted to know what I could do on these moments. I thought maybe I should hug her till she calmed down. I wanted to know what else I could do do decided to write here. What would you do?

I’ve been diagnosed OCD and depression since young, but I never went to therapy and only took medicine which I eventually skipped (I know, bad idea). Over the years growing up I realize I have huuuuugeeee attachment issues which is costing me so many friends, and romantic relationships. I chanced upon BPD and I thought I fit every category of it - or even if it is not BPD I definitely have attachment issues. Which I want to fix. I went back to the doctor yesterday and she said I *definitely* do not seem to have BPD, and thinks that my “bpd traits” are really just obsessions due to OCD. We eventually arranged for a psychologist for me to undergo psychotherapy treatments for my OCD, and says the goal is eventually medicine + counseling once I know how to deal. The psychotherapy waiting list is around 2 months - but I’m honestly worried for my attachment issues and I’m not sure the therapist will deal with it? I’ve just broken up with two of my best friends, and dating around without much luck as well, and it is becoming clear to me that I have issues. So the question is - would the psychotherapy just focus on things like CBT / DBT and it’s not gonna address my attachment issues? Or is this something that I have to find a counselor for separately? Or just trust my doctor and go along with it?

Im 20 now, and every since my first attempt at 15, things have only gotten worse. I’ve never been truly happy. I’m a fuck up, im too flawed for anyone to love. I’m only here for my parents, mostly my mom. My dad doesn’t show support with my mental health. I can’t even hide it anymore, I don’t smile anymore, I’m always on the verge of tears no matter what. Everything is a constant reminder that I’m worthless. Hearing my mom cry telling me she doesn’t want me to die breaks my heart so much I can’t even describe. I’m trying so hard to stay, I’m constantly fighting every day. I don’t work or go to school. I just exist and I’m so tired man. I am so alone, I can’t seem to keep any friends, I try to reach out and hang out with people but no one wants to unless I’m bringing the weed or alcohol , I’ve never felt so suicidal until this year. I don’t think I’m going to last very long , I want to go so bad already

I'm currently sitting in a bathroom stall hiding away waiting for the next session to start. I'm pretty sociable with my colleagues but when it comes to unknown and unfamiliars my anxiety takes over and I cannot bring myself to join in. I walk through the lobby/bar where everyone is mingling and it seems like there are natural groups formed, people laughing and knee deep in a story. I can't go up to groups I don't know. How do people do this???? It seems like this situation comes so easily to others but I feel out of place, like a little kid among adults. I feel like I can't breathe :(

So me and my boyfriend have been together little over a year. Although I love him dearly he causes a lot of stress in my life. I’ve recently felt like my identity has always relied heavily on the man that I’m currently with and I’ve never really had an identity of my own…. In October when my apartment lease is up I’m getting a new apartment without my boyfriend to start my quest on finding out who I am and what I love to do. I feel like I’m abandoning him…. I feel like when I get my own place it’s going to further separate us from one another and I’m gonna end up calling it quits. I know I should. Because I already feel like it would be better for me to be single. But I love him. I’m at such a cross roads it leaves a knot in my throat the second I wake up. I’m so sad and angry this is happening. Wtf do I do

I’ve struggled with various mental illnesses my entire life, but most of them were triggered when I was 9. I’m almost 22 now and I’ve never been admitted, although there were certainly times in my teen years when I should have been. My mental health has been iffy this year (as I’m sure many others have), but it’s been manageable up until recently. This past week my depression and anxiety are really kicking my ass, and I’m struggling. I haven’t attempted suicide since I was like 16 I think, and while I often have passive thoughts and ideation they’ve been a lot worse lately. I’m not in any danger of actually committing, because I know I won’t physically do anything, but the suicidal thoughts alone are so hard to deal with and sometimes I just wish I knew for sure nobody would miss me so I wouldn’t feel too guilty to actually do it. All that being said, does anyone have any advice? I’ve considered voluntarily admitting myself for a couple days but my anxiety gets really bad because I’ve never been to one and I don’t know if it would be worth it, or if I’m bad enough to need it.

I stopped my abilify a week ago (still on mood stabilizers) and now I’m thinking my brain was playing tricks on me again. Can’t see doc for at least 1-2 days and don’t want to go to the hospital. I guess I’m just venting cause I’m a fucking idiot and can’t believe this is happening again. I hate myself. Take your medicine

I did the DARE method. Helped a bit.

It feels like my heart is about to blast out of my chest. 144 bmp. There’s nothing more I want in the world right now than to just go home.

Anyone have any advice before starting Latuda? I'm super worried about weight gain. My psychiatrist is prescribing it to help pull me out of a bad episode.

Sit, take 30 deep breath, close your eyes, imagine you are seeing your clone Infront of you, your close is sitting eyes closed and universal chi/prana/reiki/energy is pouring on him, white energy coming from above and pouring down on his head and body, because of this, clone of yours is full of positive vibes, he is super confident, he is super happy, there is nothing in life he cant face with ease and happiness, he is a strong hearted and strong minded person. See him, see how happy he is, how confident he is, the grow that image bigger and bigger, then let that image submerge you. And just feel relaxed. Do it for 5-10 minutes twice everyday and see yourself getting immune to anxiety day by day.

I have bpd. I also have schizoaffective disorder. Both kick my ass more than a single one could. Anyone else in the same boat?

Just messaging my boyfriend like usual (my FP) and I asked if maybe later on today he wanted to video call or play an online game or something. He just replied "no". I said "oh, ok, sorry for asking" and he hasn't replied to that and its been 15 minutes. Like... what the fuck did I do!?!?! I can't stop worrying that he hates me and doesn't want to see me tomorrow or even that he just wants to completely end our relationship. I am so anxious I don't know what to do. Why did he say that!?!?! Why not give me an explanation!?!? I'm overreacting hugely rn and I know it but I just can't help it!!!!! I just want to call him but I know he'd be annoyed or something or think I'm being needy again. I'm even feeling suicidal again all of a sudden I just can't cope with this emotional torment. Fuck fuck fuck!

I took adderall for about 3-4 years and I feel like those were some of the best years so far (f26) I became somewhat reliant on adderall and decided to stop taking it last year around July. August rolls around and I experience my very first panic/anxiety attack and my life has been a daily struggle with anxiety. The only way I can’t really feel my anxiety is when I’m doing something fun with my friends or doing physical work of some kind. I need to be fully distracted by something else. This all sounds like not that big of a problem but it’s truly difficult to be alone with my own thoughts. There is no such thing as relaxing anymore or taking a nap or just chilling out doing absolutely nothing because that’s when the anxiety and scary thoughts start to creep in. I also somewhat feel like a shell of a human. The only emotion I feel is anxiety. Even when I’m having fun with friends it can be hard to register the feeling of fun. I don’t know exactly what to do. I don’t want to take anxiety medication because I don’t want to become reliant like I was on adderall. Has anyone gone through anything similar?

I heard anxiety benefits usually kick in around 3 week mark and for depression it takes longer, it's been 3 weeks and i still feel no results, does this mean this medication will probably not work for me ?

I’m using an alt account for this because I don’t want my main getting flooded with people that hate me, that said: Earlier this week, my new therapist (I’ve gone through 6), diagnosed me with medium-severe antisocial disorder as well as mild-medium level phsycopathy. I’ll be honest, I’m not a “good” person, my whole life I just haven’t been able to understand what is okay and what isn’t. Nothing phases me, I don’t care if other people are sad or in pain or dying, it’s like people don’t mean anything to me. I’m on here because my lack of empathy and ability to connect with others has caused normal human interaction to be quite difficult. I’ll keep away from mentioning the things I’ve done or said to people, but still don’t try to fix me, I like myself the way I am. For all of high school I’ve been jumping between people I call friends, mainly because they have something beneficial to me. With girls, I’ve dated 9 different girls now, I’ve always lied about so many things to get them to like me so that I can get money and sex. One of them attempted suicide which didn’t really matter until i was punched for laughing, I just can’t process how to react how I need to so that I can fit in and benefit more. If you can’t tell, I lie a lot, I fail to see how honesty could get me nearly as much in life as making up what I need to to get what I want. I’ve been called manipulative more times than I can count, but I take it as a compliment, I just need to know how to hide that from the belligerents around me. There’s also the crimes, I’m not going to say exactly what I’ve done, but many stolen things, drugs, and driving a lot before I had my license. I’ve barely ever been caught for any of those things, I only take such actions when I’ve completely thought through the possibilities. Back to the point, I’m not asking how to fix my personality disorders, I’m just wondering how I can at least act like everyone else, know when to be sad or angry.

Like, sometimes I think that people I don't even know in person is talking about me in their social medias, good or bad things. Today a friend of mine was saying a few things about someone and for no reason I think it's me even though I haven't talked with him for a couple of days, so I'm just assuming that he's mad at me now. I know it's totally irrational and I try to convince myself that I shouldn't worry about that so much, because it can't be me who he's talking about, but it's a tiring thing to do.

Hey people of the mental health community. I've got an upcoming idea of a YouTube channel similar to SBSK's (special books by special kids). If you don't know about him, he interviews disabled people of all walks of life to get an insight into their lives and how their disabilities have affected them on an emotional and physical level. I want to do a similar thing but solely focused on mental health. So I'm a 21 year old recent graduate that has suffered from a lot of heavy anxiety related disorders throughout my life, such as paranoia and insomnia; the worst of it being through university. I plan on sharing my experiences and with some insight as to how I coped, then go on to interview some of my close friends that also suffer and/or have suffered from serious mental health issues to get an insight into their journeys, and also then hopefully go on to interview a wider range of people with many different illnesses. I believe it's very important that the awareness of mental health is brought up, especially in young people. Going through uni I've realised how serious the mental health problem is for students and how it could be muchly improved if they have the help they need (which could be simply their housemates being aware of these issues). So yea that's it. What do you guys think. Do you think it's a good idea? I'm going to start this weekend and hopefully get brainstorming and begin the journey. I also need to find ways of branching out to other people that I could potentially interview if anyone has any good ideas for that? Cheers

I don’t know if this a BPD thing but sometimes I develop obsessions with someone, usually another girl, and I want to emulate her in any way I can; personality, fashion choices, etc. and I compulsively online stalk them. I know that sounds probably insane and I’m ashamed of it, but I was wondering if other people with BPD have this or if it’s just me?

My Doctor switched ne from 20mg Prozac to 10 MG Lexapro. I guess I have been feeling the brain zaps. My brain feels kind of fuzzy. Is that because of the reduced dosage? Or does it not matter?

Hey, is anyone else a big people pleaser? I'm in DBT now, and recently had the revelation that I don't know where I begin, and the people pleasing ends. I feel like I'm always trying to avoid abandonment, so I try to make myself as agreeable and generous as I can. At my own expense. Does anyone else struggle with their identity? What do you recommend to figure out a sense of self?

I feel like I keep maturing at a ridiculously slower rate compared to people around me. Maybe it’s the “tantrums” I throw (as people like to call it). Or maybe it’s because I don’t have consistent enough friendships and relationships to experience as much as other people. All I know is I feel like I’ll be proud of myself for hitting a milestone, but other people have hit that same milestone back in high school or college. It’s beyond frustrating and makes me feel so broken. On top of that, I’ve been seeing and hearing a lot about “emotional intelligence” on social media and how people with similar traits to me have low emotional intelligence and it just shows how much maturity I have to gain still. It makes me feel like a child.

Will I be okay? I honestly figured cuz my sleep schedule was silly (I was only up for 11ish hours) a 1-2 hour nap should be good I woke up tired as hell... Work retail, thought an energy drink was one of those fruity alcohol drinks and asked a guy for his ID 😂😂

Every fight I've had with my Anxiety has always opened new doors. Sometimes they're good, sometimes they're bad. Recently, one such door opened after a series of nervous breakdowns. I realized I had been building a massive emotional wall around people, especially my girlfriend. I never understood why I felt so off being in a relationship with her; despite having everything I've ever wanted - Future Goals, similar tastes, desires, etc. I would constantly worry, with no end in sight, as to what was bothering me. Then it hit me like a truck being driven like a bat-out-of-hell: I was idealizing what I thought my relationship was supposed to look like based on TV shows and such. I know it sounds dumb, and I never thought I was doing it; but subconsciously I was. It took watching a recap of an Anime I was into to wake me up to my reality, where the commentator was explaining "It's not finding the perfect person that's the goal; it's finding the person perfect for you" And with that, and a flood of memories of all the "small" important things I've done with her, and to a platonic degree, with my friends - I finally understand myself a little bit more. I've still got quite a ways to go, and the battle is a pretty steep uphill one, but I've taken an inch of this hill and wont let it go.

I feel like it’s never going to get better. I just want to feel nothing. I hate this life. I feel like when I die I’m going to hell and that will be miserable. I’m just stuck here. In pain. I can’t even feel nothing. I have kids and I do care about them so I can’t drink and drug myself into a zombie. I. Hate. This.

So I took summer school classes over the summer. A horrible performance granted me the gift of the most extreme stress I have ever felt in my life. I have always had horrible anxiety, and have been diagnosed with ADHD, depression, and anxiety. The last two weeks or so, I have been panicking every time I try and go to sleep. I’m relatively fine during the day, but when night comes around I start panicking as soon as I close my eyes to try and fall asleep. I usually get over it but tonight has been horrible. I had probably the worst or second worst attack I’ve ever had and so i stayed up for about half an hour trying to het over it. And then since then the last hour and a half has been me laying down and closing my eyes, only to lay still for about a minute until I het so stressed I have to sit back up and so something to take my mind off the anxiety. It is now 2:30 in the morning and I’m exhausted, sweating, nauseous, and i feel like there is a black pit of dread in my chest that swells every time I close my eyes and try to sleep.

Hi everyone! I’m not sure if others struggle with this too, but I’m finding my ambition at times incompatible with my mental state. And it’s incredibly frustrating as I don’t want my disability to prevent me from achieving what I want. I have been working a 9-5 job for about 3 months now, and I’ve been so unproductive and exhausted it’s ridiculous. My moods are stable, but my ADHD (removed from my meds for this currently) is crippling. I’m barely able to do 2-3 hours TOPS of work a day without being distracted by other hobbies or interests. I’m very anxious about this because I’m entering a high-stress profession that requires long hours, which I’m worried I won’t be able to mentally do. Does anyone have any advice or experience they would be willing to share? It would be much much appreciated. TLDR: feeling defeated at the prospect of not being able to achieve what I want.

okay so first i’ll start with like a few tws Medical Doctors Mention of Consent being done for me i’m gonna try and keep this as vague as possible so like when i was younger i had a lot of stomach issues TMI stuff, and i had something done that my mum consented too for me (i think i was too young tok consent myself) but ever since then i run from doctors if they try to touch me, specifically near my stomach/below area, becahse i was terrified it was gonna happen again, and i have no idea how to tell anyone how much it traumatised me? because it was consensual i have no reason to feel this uncomfortable/grossed out about it but no one knows why i have so much fear around people/doctors i think it was also because it was a male doctor and i’m AFAB, (assigned female at birth) and it was very medical and stuff but it literally traumatised me

My boyfriend's having suicidal thoughts and its not good with my anxiety!! Just can't function properly. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭