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10tjsqr | So, my brother and my dad have helped me many times with things like moving or putting together furniture or just whatever. I help them out too, it’s not a one-way street. The weird thing is that when I need help, I ask for it. But nobody ever asks me for help. They always talk to my mom and then she ends up telling me and making the arrangements. A couple times, she’s let me know that my brother is going to need my help with something, but then he makes other arrangements. Like, she said he would need me to babysit for him, but then his in-laws came into town and did it. It’s annoying to me for a couple reasons. It puts me in kind of a limbo area where I’m not sure if I should make plans or not. Also, I just think it’s weird that people don’t actually ask for my help. Why is this going through my mother at all? Are they expecting me to offer my help after my mom tells me about it? So, I told my mom that I didn’t need any “heads up” that someone would be asking me for a favor. They could just ask me, and I can handle it. She still did it though. Last week, she told my that my dad and brother are putting together a piece of furniture for my brother that requires three people, so my brother would probably be asking for my help. I just said, “Oh, yeah I haven’t heard anything about it” and changed the subject. So, my brother never said anything to me at all. Then the day of, my mom started asked if I’m going to be at my brother’s house. I said, “He never said anything about it.” And that was it. I mean, I didn’t know if he got someone else. I didn’t know what time people were getting there. He knew it was a three-person job, so I thought it was fair to assume he made the necessary arrangements. Turns out he didn’t. He assumed I’d be there. My mom ended up having to help and hurting her back. Now she’s mad at me. She said I could have come over and helped. That they do a lot for me, and I should have returned the favor. This is true, but I would 100% have gone over there if he had asked me to. AITA? | AITA for not helping my brother put together his furniture because he never actually asked me to? | NTA |
10skz7u | I am 30. Since I was a child he has always said he would pay for my wedding. About 5 years ago he started a relationship with lady with quite extreme views. She is a vegan, which is fine but she is very judgemental to how I live. She doesn’t agree with cancer scans (like smear tests, mammograms etc) because vegans “don’t get cancer”, when I had my daughter she said I should be feeding her almond milk. She once came to my house for dinner and I cooked a chicken for me and my family and a nut roast for my father and her. She later dug a hole in my garden to give the chicken bones a proper funeral because she was so “heartbroken to see us eating it’s blood and flesh”.I wish I was joking. She has also accused me of trying to steal her fathers house. I have never met her father, I have never set foot in her fathers house. All I know is he died recently. I had communicated some cost of living worries to my dad (not asking for money) and she ran with it and said I was trying to manipulate her into giving me her inheritance. I do not want her inheritance. Long story short, my father will only pay for my wedding if it’s vegan. This not only includes food, but shoes, alcohol, what other people wear (E.g. leather) and anything else you can think of. I might have been ok with vegan food, but I’m not ok with policing what others wear or food they may bring for their babies (even formula) etc. This has upset me. It’s not really about the money, we are having a very small and cheap do anyway. In the run up to the wedding this woman has also been extremely rude to my mother. On reflection I have now decided it’s best all round that they do not attend. She’s now telling my dad’s side of the family that it’s just about the money and that I am bitter because I didn’t get her dad’s house (Why on Earth would I be given her dads house?!) and that my dad isn’t paying for my wedding, but to be honest it’s not really about the money. I don’t want to be controlled over what I can and can’t do on my wedding day, I’m sick of her judgement (and his, now she’s gotten her claws into him) and I just think it will be better for me, my siblings and my mother if they do not come. I also don’t want to be lectured over milk, dairy, honey, palm oil you name it, on my wedding day and I don’t want to put my guests through it either. AITA? | AITA for uninviting my dad to my wedding because he refuses to pay anything towards it unless it is vegan? | NTA |
10u003t | Before I start, this one is a very soft "AITA" question and my friend didn't call me an a-hole for it, but he was a bit pissed about it.Long story short, my friend got a new girlfriend and told me about her. I was super happy for him and we started talking about how they met, for how long they know each other and what she's like. The usual stuff. About 15 minutes into the conversation, I asked him if he could show me a picture of her. He refused, saying he doesn't have one yet and her only publicly available picture (whatsapp) is blurry and old. He also was angry at me for asking to see a picture of her, because "looks don't matter and that's not the third or fourth question to ask a friend about their new partner".I guess his implication was that my question was shallow and superficial, but honestly I don't think that asking to see how my friend's new GF looks is an ill-intended question.So, was he right and that question was indeed inappropriate? | AITA for asking my friend to show a picture of his new GF? | NTA |
10tllh3 | My roommate has become increasingly rude and passive aggressive when she doesn’t like something over the last six months. She’s been creating an incredibly negative energy in our apartment. All of us say things like “hey, I’m sorry but..” and say “please” when we ask for things but she just demands and acts demeaning toward everyone in the group chat. We had a meeting with all four of us to discuss expectations, as we all had something we wanted to discuss (like drying dishes, not overloading trash can, ext.) and at the end I said that we should be respectful of one another and especially not swear at one another when making requests or when we notice something we don’t like. I stated we all get angry and frustrated sometimes but we need to be respectful regardless. She started to lose her temper and rant about everything she doesn’t like and began blaming me for a variety of things. We all just awkwardly ended the meeting and went to our rooms after that. This is partially on me but I shut down when people lose their tempers. I know this comes from living w an abusive ex but I just have very little trust with temperamental people. I texted in the morning saying she was really aggressive when I literally tried to ask her to be less aggressive. Then I stated that we all do things wrong (and pointed out some times she did things that none of us over reacted/ got angry about). I told her I would not be speaking to her without an RA present (we’re in college) because I am uncomfortable with how she has been communicating with others. She began acting like you can literally talk to me and I said if you don’t see an issue with how you acted then I don’t see a solution. She responded by laughing at the message and then I blocked her. I know it’s childish but she genuinely gives me anxiety. If she had apologized or at least said she understands where she went wrong I would have talked to her but she just blows up and rants at people. When I tried to calmly talk to her during the meeting she freaked out. Then we made a meeting with the RA and she didn’t show up (disrespecting my time and the RAs.) I was literally going to apologize in that meeting for over reacting and texting in the group chat when I had issues with her.Should I just apologize and try talking to her? AITA for refusing to communicate with her without mediation? | AITA for refusing to talk to my roommate who loses her temper and is rude often? | NTA |
10ttuos | UPDATE: I've responded that there should be been a discussion first before assuming others will spend large amounts of money but the responsibility falls to the landlord so I won't be paying. Will leave it between her and him to discuss. Thanks!EDIT: the landlord is the other flatmate and another owner currently living overseas. We are based in New Zealand. Historically if someone has ever found an insect inside it hasn't been a big deal and weve never had infestations.My (F25) flatmate (F30) found a small cockroach about 1 cm in her room two days ago. Me and the other flatmate went away that day and came back yesterday to find a series of long messages telling us she had bought $60 worth of bug spray and an exterminator was coming for $180 during the week (she charged these amounts so they were split between the three of us) and that we need to take it seriously and evacuate the house. This was done without consulting either of us.I'm a recent graduate and have a really low income compared to her. I don't believe finding a single insect necessarily means there is an infestation and responded to her series of messages saying I don't have the money to fork out for it and don't necessarily believe it is necessary. She's angry and saying it's a health hazard and I have to.AITA for not paying?TLDR; flatmate found a small cockroach and is forcing my flatmate and I to pay for assortments of bug spray and an exterminator for $80 each without consulting us. I'm refusing to pay. AITA | AITA for refusing to fork out for an exterminator when my flatmate found a small cockroach? | NTA |
10tngnd | Me (20M) got a horrible back pain recently to the point I couldn’t get up at all. I couldn’t walk and I was in a horrible pain. ( everything is alright now) My boyfriend (22M) decided to call the ambulance.About a hour later, no ambulance. At this point I was actually crying. My boyfriend kept insisting to call the ambulance again so he did. 10 minutes later, they showed up. I was really mad so I said that they should’ve came earlier, because if it was something more serious I could’ve died. The ambulance guy raised his voice a bit and told me that I was wrong and they arrived as quickly as possible . I then started yelling that I know when I called and it took them half an hour to come and he was in wrong. I was really angry and I admit I was pretty rude towards the guy. We then calmed down and it turned out that they didn’t even get our first call so it wasn’t really the guy’s fault. I feel bad that I let my anger and didn’t talk normally with the guy but I was in so much pain and I couldn’t hold my emotions at that moment. So AITA? Also sorry for any grammar errors | AITA for yelling at the ambulance? | YTA |
10tt489 | My friend \[29F\] has been looking for a new job for a while. I \[22M\] also have, but in a more junior position given my lack of experience. Because my experience is less, in our profession, junior employees are in less demand. Her senior position however is in high demand, and she's proven her worth, so she's had more success. I've been struggling.She just got the position, this week, and was excited to tell me about it. Couple days ago, she spoke to me for easily 30 minutes about a recent conversation she had with her future boss, and was clearly very excited. I told her congratulations multiple times, that I was happy for her and think she's making a good decision.Near the end of our time hanging out, she asked me if I've been stressed with the job search. I asked her if she could refer me to any of her close friends/colleagues in our profession, like give them pointers, or just introduce me so I can chat with them. An argument ensued, and she told me that she thought I should be celebrating her and happy for her instead of "making everything about me."Was I being an asshole for asking for referrals too soon? She got the good news the day before, but I felt the referrals would be relevant. She's now upset. I probably could've waited longer, but I didn't know when else I should bring it up. | AITA for asking friend for job referral immediately after celebrating her good news? | NTA |
10trglx | I am a grad student. Basically I have a colleague who I don't quite vibe with. I'm several years above him, but I have found he relies quite a bit on extra work from me to decrease his workload. I am a woman in case this is relevant.The latest is that he is TAing for a math course that I have TAed several times for. He's out of his depth, and so wants me to provide my solutions to all previous assignments for the last few year, so that he can just TA the course based on my work. He doesn't want to just ask me questions, or run his solutions by me, he wants my work, and he wants all of it. I have these solutions because part of my job was to provide them for students.I initially agreed, because I like being helpful and I thought it would improve our working relationship. But it turns out that I don't want to spend a couple of hours digging for old documents just so that someone who doesn't like me and isn't grateful for the things I do can have an easier time than I did, and not put in the effort himself. His sole motivation in life is to never "go over his hours", which I'm sympathetic to, but it's grad school. I've just sort of hit a limit of me providing unpaid work for others. The deciding factor for me here is that this person is someone who has talked shit about me and doesn't seem to respect me.My issue is that he is sending me several emails a week asking me to send him my work. I've replied everytime that I'm too busy (true, I'm burnt out), but he keeps writing. Ghosting probably wouldn't have huge consequences, as he's several years behind me. WIBTA if I either ghosted him or said "I have decided not to perform unpaid labour for you"? | WIBTA if I decline to share my work after agreeing to share my work | NTA |
10ub4aj | Hellow! First time poster. I have a good friend that whenever we go out she get very drunk and changes in personality. She get super nagging, sensitive to criticism, cries offends people and gets in risky situations like going to strangers houses at the end of the night. She has gotten in some dangerous situations several times and calls me crying the next day. She is very social and loves to party so it’s hard to suggest other ways we could spend time. I have watched this behavior for three years but I couldn’t just be a witness anymore so I decided to tell her very carefully. I told her that I love her as a person but when she gets drunk she gets to unpredictable. I also said that I don’t want to drink with her anymore. She understandably got very angry and offended and has since gone on a hate campaign. She has sent med several messages sags Calling me names, telling me I am judgmental and cruel and that I need to take responsibility for not being able to handle unpredictably. And bringing up stuff I told her in private against Me. I am very hurt and surprised by this and don’t know how to respond to these messages ? I need some advice. Was I the asshole for confronting her with the drinking behavior iour ? | AITA for confronting friend about her drinking ? | NTA |
10tgcqg | I'm 24f, currently working on my master Thesis and working part time.During studying bachelor's i lived with my mom. I started college when I was 17 and in my country it's nearly impossible to get a job if you're under 18, you also can't have a bank account if you're minor. I didn't have any allowence or has any pocket money so i couldn't afford anything by myself. The only thing was a scholarship so college was free for me and sometimes i would have some money on top, but the only things i could afford where books or materials for college.During my time on college i saved some money from some side gigs and after graduating i was able to find a job in my industry. I was accepted for a masters degree in another country, so i moved out and I'm living there from my savings and what i earn part time.Before my mom never helped me financially, but bought plane tickets for me, because my initial flight was cancelled due to covid and I could get my money back. The only things she would provide was sometimes food and I was allowed to leave at her home. I never even had a room, i just always slept on the couch. There was a few times where i lived on campus because it was better than that.My mom is an addict and she lives her life to the fullest, she always buys what she wants, goes on party's and goes on vacation 2-3 times a year. I or my brother never where abroad or on a vacation, she just waited until we were old enough to let us alone and since then she travels a lot. She also picked up a few expensive hobbies.When she figured out i have saved up some money she demanded me to gift it to her. She also said something upon the lines that if i would work more, would sell all what i own, that then i could take a mortgage to buy a bigger house for her. No idea how i was supposed to do that all i had was 3-4k, while a tiny shitty studio costs 50.000.000 in my area.My mom also was never supportive of me or my career choices. But after i moved countries she appreciates it a lot and acts like it's her achievement and not mine.While she was visiting me she always made fun of me how poor i am.Soon I'm gonna be graduating and I'm gonna work full time. Yesterday my mom called me to ask how my job hunt is going and stuff. She casually mentioned that she wants me to financially support her when she gets "old and poor". I don't want that. I don't think I'm gonna be paid badly, but not enough to support an addict who neglected me and spend all her money on herself. Like why I supposed to pay for your vacation so i cant do one myself.My mom also tryed convince me to sleep with wealthy men and scam my dad (their divorced) and give her the money.My family is sure I'm being an asshole and a brat and that i owe my mother for giving me the gift of life and such | AITA for not wanting to financially support my mom when she is old | NTA |
10tpnc7 | Me(23f) and my fiancé (24m) have been together for 2 years and recently got engaged this past summer. Our original date was 21SEP24 but due to a lot of competition from other brides at our chosen venue we are on the waitlist for 14SEP24 instead. I had originally given the 21st as the date when asking my bridesmaids but told them nothing is set in stone until the venue accepts us. I have been communicating with them via group chat whenever something changes and when I posted the new date I got a private text from lizzie (27f) (not Real Name) saying she could no longer be in my party unless I changed the date. When I asked her why she informed me that her “kiss date” with her boyfriend (20m) of 4 months was September 14th and she was planning on getting married that day. I was confused but accepted her backing out because I had no interest in trying to find a new date. This was in January and It wasn’t mentioned again until this Last week when a mutual coworker made a comment about the Date and how it was really weird that I am “stealing” her day and theme. Apparently lizzie has been complaining to the office and other mutualste about the whole situation and now some people are divided. We have been friends for 2 years and our friendship seems to be over because of this whole thing. I want to also include that they are not engaged and this would be her 3rd marriage in 4 years. | WIBTA for getting married on my coworker/friends wedding date? | NTA |
10txi73 | For context, my (25NB) mom has 8 siblings and my fiancé’s (28M) mom has 7 siblings. Immediate family alone, we’re at over 100 people (aunts, uncles, cousins and their partners, even excluding cousins kids!). My parents have offered to help pay for our wedding, though the exact amount/% covered seems to vary from convo to convo. My partner wants a small, spooky wedding. I also would love a spooky wedding, but maybe not as small as he wants since I work part-time in the wedding industry as a side job, and feel like since I help make other couples’ weddings “perfect” for them that I should get to experience that too. For us, “perfect” would be the people closest to us who have made the most impact, some good food and booze, great music, and lots of dancing with spooky vibes. For the most part my parents are on board. But they said I can’t “have my cake and eat it too”…either we do a small destination wedding or elopement style wedding and barely invite our families (including “family” aka family friends who I saw weekly to monthly vs blood relatives I saw maybe twice a year) OR we have to invite EVERYONE and have this almost 200 person wedding. We live in the Northeast. There IS no cheap wedding options for THAT MANY PEOPLE unless you legit own property large enough to accommodate (then you have to rent so much shit).AITA for not wanting to invite 1/2-2/3 my blood relatives, invite the “family” that ACTUALLY took part in raising me, and our close friends? (My partner would get to invite whom he wants, this isn’t about his side). I feel like I am but honestly….I can’t afford a 200 person wedding and it seems unfair that my options are 50 people or all 200 and nothing in between! We just want to enjoy our wedding without so much DRAMA and it seems nothing we suggest to either sets of parents “works” for them. | AITA for not wanting to invite my whole family to my wedding? | NTA |
10tffrb | I (24F) live with my mom (50sF) and younger sister (19F). In my country, it's traditional that you live with your parents until you get married and move out with your partner. I WFH rotational shifts. I usually prefer to work at night starting 6 PM, or graveyard shift starting 10 PM. After I finish my nine-hour shift, I always do the dishes, tidy up, put laundry in wardrobe if there's any, sweep, take out trash. My mom is SAHM and does the grocery shopping & cooking. My younger sister is in college and only does chores during winter/ summer breaks. My work is basically customer experience chat support. It gets overwhelming during rush hours and sometimes I can't even move from one chair to another because I'm so focused and don't have the time to move.The issue here is that my mom absolutely berates me if I don't do chores WHILE working. I can be in the middle of rush time, finally have my 15-minute break, and she starts yelling about chores not being done. I tell her that I'm exhausted from work, and will get it done after I finish my shift. She argues that I'm just chilling in my break and if I have time to "chill" I can do chores. Sometimes, it's true. On rare occasions, I manage to sneak in chores during my work break or during work itself if I don't have any active chats or tasks.Just now we've had an argument. For today & yesterday I have had early morning shifts. I did the dishes yesterday, went to bed, but woke up to a sink full of dishes. Figured I'd do them later. I got hungry while working so during my 15-minute break I made an egg, and another for my sister cause she requested one too. I left the pan in the sink cause my break time was already over before I even managed to eat and thought I'd do the dishes later during my longer 30-minute break. Mom woke up and was absolutely livid when she saw the pan in the sink. I calmly explained that I didn't have time and I intended to get it done; it just had to wait for an hour. She kept yelling at me so I told her to save her yelling to the person who stacked up the dishes yesterday. She said it was herself but "how dare" I not clean up the mess. Again, I explained that I ran out of break time, am currently working, would get it done in an hour's time. She kept yelling at me so I quite frankly lost my shit and yelled back saying she had no understanding or empathy for me and shouldn't direct her anger at me everytime she was pissed (a habit of hers). She said I was the one with no empathy cause she was old and needed help around the house.Fyi, mom receives monthly pension for my late father & grandparents so rent & utilities are covered by this passive income. Otherwise, I'm financially independent (buy my own snacks, clothes, phone bill, fun money, etc)My younger sister ended up doing the dishes but said I was an ass for firing back at mom and shoulda let it slide (for the 100th time) cause mom seemed pretty hurt. AITA? | AITA for not doing the dishes? | NTA |
10tyffo | My fiancée (23F) and I (24M) are getting married in June, and wedding planning is in full swing. She’s come up with a lot of great ideas for the ceremony, but there is one thing we’re currently at a standoff on: she wants to play “Cbat” as she comes down the aisle.Now, we’re both quirky and fun-loving, and I am not opposed to having some off-beat elements in our wedding. But as much as I laughed at the Cbat post when it appeared, I think the specific sexual connotations with that song are going to make people wonder about our relationship and sex life and I think it’s inappropriate for that reason. My fiancée doesn’t care about the connotations, and thinks it would just be a hilarious song to play, and is kind of upset at me that I don’t think it would be funny. AITA here? | AITA for not wanting “Cbat” as our wedding processional? | NTA |
10tqnng | After 1 1/2 years living with my roomies, I started getting more serious with my partner. I stay over at his place a couple of nights a week. My aunt also went through a bad divorce + fell down the stairs, leaving her disabled and homeless. I spent a lot of time with my family trying to help out however I could, and came out the other end sensitive to my parents health (they are disabled and in their 60s).My roomies (old friends) were feeling lonely & they started being passive aggressive when I would come home after being gone. My protests were met with more passive aggressive comments. We've had some fights related to keeping the house tidy &I finally said fuck it, I'm not cleaning up after them anymore.I also cut gaming out of my life, I used to play for hours a day at my most depressed, Ive been trying to do other things like reading, going to the gym, etc, its been helping my mental health a ton. Roomies & I used to game together, now hangouts mostly consist of eating together or watching a show. And honestly, Ive felt kind of weird there for a while, drawn back into depression (they want me to join them on the couch for many hours a day, I want to be studying or attending events. Yes, Ive invited them to do these things with me.)This all came to a head when I gave them my 2month notice. Id talked it through with a mutual friend because I wanted to make sure my roomies and I were both supported. My roomies have been on a decline for the past few months (maybe years honestly), and I felt awful giving them the news when they feel so bad, but it hasn't seemed to get any better.I brought my partner in because in the past theyve yelled at me during arguments and I wanted someone in my corner. We told them I was worried about my family and was moving back home (I also don't think I can even afford living there now that I'm trying to go to college). Gave them the legal notice and told them theyre my friends, I love them despite our issues and if they need more than 2months I can give them more.They said Id basically abandoned them and it was obvious I didnt care about them or their friendship. We left so they could process, and theyve been posting guilt tripping things on social media, sent texts calling me a shitty friend whos been lying and scheming behind their backs, that this is the worst betrayal they've ever experienced. I told them I felt like they were bullying me and they just kept sending the texts. I went to go pick up some of my things and it was really weird, they watched me to make sure I didnt steal anything and had taken any pictures with me down and replaced them with plastic knives.They don't want to talk to me if my boyfriend is there, but I don't want 2 go in alone after all this. I know I havent been the best friend ever as I wasn't around all the time, but really felt like I was just taking the space I needed to better myself after being super mentally ill. | AITA for betraying my childhood best friend? | NTA |
10tw8uz | I'm going to preface this with some background information. I do not live with the mother, she is several states away and the child was the result of a summer fling during extended work travel. We were using birth control at the time but the child looked nothing like her ex. At about 7 months I questioned her on it and she reassured me I wasn't the father. But at about 1.5 years we started talking again and after some testing of both me and the ex, I was the father.During our first conversations when my fatherhood was established. I said I wanted to be in the child's life. She wanted the same because I guess her and the ex relationship went south quickly (it was before the child's paternity came in question). So I asked what exactly she was going to do with that situation because he was crushed by the news. She said she was going to let him see him occasionally and hoped he got over it eventually long term and moved on. I told her I understand this was a difficult situation and there's no real winners but I didn't think long term that was a healthy situation for the child, myself, her, or the ex. She agreed.She also wanted to attempt a relationship. So far that hasn't gone well but nevertheless, about 2 months into this I got some strange texts from her. Turns out it was the ex reading through our phone messages and texting me about wanting me out of her life, loving the ex, etc.. I questioned her on this and she said she was surprised but sort of brushed it off. I said she needed to make a decision on this and rip the bandaid off. This situation is going to get 10x worse the longer it lingers. She said she knows.Fast forward to recently when I recently tried to call my child for facetime and I find out he's not with her, but with her ex who is watching him. This absolutely floored me and I kind of exploded calling her a coward and asking what in the fuck is she thinking. I told her if she wants to be with her ex, fine, but I am absolutely not letting my child grow up with two fathers. She started to blame me for not being around (I have 90% work travel, she knew this before wanting to do this. And I put in effort to see them. We spent the holidays together meeting each other's families. I fly to them or vice versa. I'll go them on weekends, etc). I honestly don't think that's even relevant but basically she's trying to flip this on me now for getting angry about it and not "supporting enough." I told her I think she has extreme avoidance issues and is afraid to deal with conflicts or problems.Look, I understand our relationship is a bit messed up. Nothing can really be done about how things happened at this point. But am I wrong to think this situation with the ex is completely messed up? Most importantly for my son. I don't think it's healthy for him to have two fathers. The mother is now ignoring me completely and trying to paint me as the problem here. AITA or am I being gaslighted. | AITA for asking my child's mother to stop letting our son (1) spend time with her ex (who they thought the original father was)? | YTA |
10trg2y | This weekend, my grandma was staying with my aunt, and they asked me if my 10 month old daughter could spend the night. I texted my husband and asked him if he would be okay with that. He did not respond, and he purposefully avoided giving me a yes or no when I asked him in person. Time was running up, and I made the executive decision to say yes. He had said yes to her spending the night back in December, but plans fell through, and it didn't end up happening. When I told him that she was going to stay with my aunt and grandma, he got so angry with me and asked me why I would say yes to something like that. I told him that I asked him for his opinion, and he refused to give me an answer. He told me that he knew about his feelings towards my aunt and that our daughter was not allowed to be around her.Basically, my husband doesn't like my aunt because of her personality. There was never any sort of abuse or mistreatment. She just has a very strong personality and can sometimes be insensitive when she's expressing her opinion. He just carte blanche decided that our daughter is never allowed to be around her again without getting my input on that decision. I personally think a decision as serious as not allowing a family member to be around our daughter should probably be a well discussed, mutual decision and not something decided because he personally has a grudge.Anyways, he started saying things like I was taking his baby away from him, and I don't care about how he feels. She's spending one night at my aunt's house with people who I know love her and will take good care of her. That's hardly taking her away. Besides, I have not had an overnight break from the baby since she was about 4 months old. Sometimes parents need a night to themselves so they don't get burned out.He's acting like I just did this without consulting him instead of the reality that I asked him, and he made the choice not to give me a yes or a no. Am I the asshole for making that decision without him giving me an explicit yes? | AITA for sending my daughter to my aunts house without my husband's permission? | NTA |
10tex56 | My parents borrowed almost USD4,000 from me in order to pay my sister's fee-reduced tuition fee (that was her entire tuition and admission fee within that USD4000 amount). Both for transfer rate- and overall-saving reasons, I paid it and my parents agreed to pay me back when my sister flies back home for spring break; the original plan was for my sister to receive the payment in cash and return it to me. I was happy to just let that happen; in fact when they asked me what the full amount was, I just said I'll tell them when I need it.Now, recently, my company has been doing some layoffs for a restructuring, and I work and live abroad for this company; my work visa is due for renewal in March. However, as a pretty low-level employee, and after a person was hired one job level above me in November (presumably to replace me when the time came and my replacement was sufficiently onboarded), I have enough reason to believe I might be laid off, or otherwise I might be forced to resign just so they don't pay my severance pay or straight up fire me. Additionally, my job is stressful due to my coworkers being quite bigoted against people like me, and my chronic illness (I won't say what, as it could reveal who I am) relapsed twice already over the past year due to the job and me catching COVID as a direct result of the job sending me on a business trip abroad, and as per doctors' orders, I honestly need a break as I've been working nonstop for almost 2 years now. Clearly, I need a plan to fly back home, and with the job market as it is, I may need a few months' worth of rent and food expenses till I find a new job, not to mention all the cancellation fees for my internet bill, rent, etc.Therefore, when my sister said yesterday that she's actually not flying back for spring break, I then asked my parents how I might get my money back. I explained to them my situation how I might be laid off or need to leave for these reasons above, and my father blew up and started insulting me and calling me weak, rude, irresponsible, and that I only care about money. I tried telling him to stop and he straight up called me cheap for asking for my money back. He knows I don't make that much a year, he's seen how terrible my apartment looks, I explained to him my job is underpaying me, might lay me off and force me to leave, and my coworkers are bigoted and have been causing me to relapse my chronic illness twice, and yet he thinks asking for USD4000 back, which is half of my net worth right now, is me just being money-hungry.For context, I'm not especially well-off, I'm young and I only make USD27,000 a year, and as mentioned my company has been seeing some layoffs recently. AITA for asking them to give me back the money especially since it looks like I may have to leave the country and will need the money when I fly back home?EDIT: I wanted to add that I actually went to the country I'm in right now not because I even want to live here but because one of the universities offered a full ride scholarship covering tuition and expenses, so I don't also owe them anything for tuition or any uni education since they didn't pay a dime of it for me. | AITA for asking my parents my ~$4000 back? | NTA |
10t6427 | I (36F) am a first time mom to be and my husband (38M) is an amazing man, we usually get along really well, he has been super involved during both our wedding and my subsequent pregnancy - which came about a LOT quicker than either of us expected due to our age and everyone in our whole family harping on us to "hurry up and have kids" because "it could take months and months if not a couple of years" for me to conceive. Welp. One honeymoon night and a few weeks later I got the double line for the first time ever on the pee-stick. Soo yeah.This is when our argument really began, although it has already kind of been in the back of our minds as a potential issue once we did decide to start trying - his mom (my MIL) is what I consider to be a HEAVY smoker. She no longer smokes when I come over because she knows I am asthmatic and somewhat allergic to smoke, but her house is still literally INFUSED with smoke and the nicotine smell. I actually make sure to not wash my hair whenever I know I'm going to her house ahead of time so that I can wash it as soon as I get home, because it's so bad that my hair and clothes retain the smell and then it makes me sneezy, eye watery and sniffly going to bed, which I can't stand. I have also made it clear to husband whenever I go to her house for more than a couple of hours that it has become a sacrifice of my health that I'm making every time, because I start coughing really bad after a few hours there, and the next day in the morning I feel as though I've smoked a whole pack of cigarettes myself (in other words my lungs hurt, my nose is stuffed, and I feel like complete shit for a whole day after).Having said that, I truly do love my MIL, we get along really well most of the time and she is so sweet and caring- I always say I lucked out in the MIL department.I know quitting smoking is insanely difficult, but at some point don't you have to stop to think about how everyone around you is getting impacted by it? ALSO she is always more than welcome to come over our house but she apparently refuses to drive on the freeway and a 30 minute drive is too long for her... she is 62 years old. I personally find that ludicrous considering my parents are in their mid-60's and commuting over 2 hours a day on the fwy every day to work still. It just seems like it's her way or the highway on this, but I don't want my baby inhaling smoke and that's that. I don't know... AITA reddit??TL;DR I don't want to bring my newborn into my MIL's smoke-filled house but husband thinks I'm being too harsh and selfish for 'keeping baby away from grandma.' AITA? | AITA for not wanting to allow my future newborn/child to stay at his grandma's smoke-filled house? | NTA |
10tqbdt | So this starts off with something that happened just two days ago, I was T-Boned by a truck that shot out of a side street going 25-30 mph. It was the trucks fault and now we have to wait for the police report to come in before we can do anything. She completely screwed my car and it’s definitely totaled. I had to go in the ambulance because my neck and back were in a lot of pain. I am still in a lot of pain but luckily nothing is broken. I have been very angry and irritated about the situation as I am a student and a pharmacy tech who cannot go without a car. I have been quite irritable and angry about the situation saying that i am angry with the girl who hit me. I was told by one of my friends that i am being too dramatic and upset. I then went on to send them a long paragraph as to why it was appropriate for me to feel angry, they then shot another long paragraph back at me telling me i have been over exaggerating, overly upset, and that i need to just calm down because being angry doesn’t do anything to help the situation. I did not reply but i am now feeling guilty as though maybe i am being over dramatic. so AITA? | AITA for being extremely upset about my accident? | NTA |
10sqh1a | I've been in a relationship with my fiance for 7 years. We broke up several times but we always found a way back to each other. We've been through hell and back and we're more in love now than ever.My brother Joey has been with this girl Lana for 5 years and they have 2 kids together. She got pregnant with their first kid only a few months into their casual relationship and they got serious after that. My family and I tolerate her for the kids. She's kind of loud, competitive and self-centered and she copies me all the time because she's jealous I guess.Last October my fiance finally proposed to me, and a couple months later to everybody's surprise Joey proposed to Lana. He always said that he didn't want to marry her so this totally came out of left field. Lana claimed that they agreed to get married for tax reasons and they were in love too but I call BS. She couldn't stand that I'm getting married first so she forced my brother to propose. Next she set their wedding date to 1 month after mine to one up me because that's how she is. I thought that was not fair to our guests because some of them live out of town and they can't afford to fly here twice in 1 month for 2 weddings. My mom agreed with me and we went over to Joey's house to talk them into pushing their wedding date out farther. Joey and Lana got very defensive. Lana said that she always dreamed of a summer wedding and she had the perfect dress for it which was bright white and my mom made an unnecessary comment about how she shouldn't be wearing a white dress. It only pissed off my brother more and he screamed at us. I tried to get them to understand that they already have a wonderful family life... a house, kids, everything and I haven't gotten to start that life with my fiance so the least they could do is let me have my dream wedding in peace without her trying to compete with me. Joey called my relationship a sham and kicked me and my mom out of his house. Joey and Lana aren't talking to us. They uninvited us to their daughter's birthday party next weekend. I just want us all to live in peace with each other without any competitiveness or ill feelings. I will apologize if I'm wrong. Reddit, AITA? | AITA for asking my brother to move his wedding date farther away from mine? | YTA |
10tnaq4 | My daughter (17F) has recently gotten her first boyfriend (18M). He is a very nice young man and I am very happy for her but she has been missing her curfew (12am) since they’ve been together. I understand that she wants to spend time with him but as she is still in high school and is not of legal age yet, she must abide by the rules of my household. Last saturday she came home at 2am without contacting me about where she was or letting me know she was going to come home late. I had to check her location to figure out she was at her boyfriend’s house. When she came home that night, I decided to let her chose what her punishment should be to ensure it doesn’t happen again (this has happened about 2-3 times before). She chose to do the dishes and be grounded for a week. Yesterday she asked me if she could go to her best friends birthday party, which is today, but I told her no because she is grounded for being late to curfew. Since yesterday she has cleaned the whole kitchen, cleaned my bathroom, given me a handwritten apology, made a whole powerpoint presentation on why I should let her go, and said she was willing to trade this one day for another week of being grounded and cleaning. She said she wants to go because it is her senior year and she may not have another chance to celebrate with her best friend like this again before they go to college. I told her no because this behavior with my daughter is repetitive and she needs to miss out on something in order to learn. AITA? | AITA for not allowing my daughter to go to her best friend’s birthday party? | YTA |
10txpde | My husband is only the most helpful with the kids when I’m upset or angry. I haven’t said anything in the past. But this time I said why are you only this helpful when I’m in a mood. He got angry and called me un greatful. I didn’t nag. all I said was the one sentence. Because it’s true he’s only this helpful, does something loving, does something that makes me happy after or during an argument. | AITA? Helpful husband only when… | NTA |
10tox0t | So here's the situation: I live with my roommate in a small apartment and we share a bathroom. A few months ago, I had a close call where I ran out of toilet paper at a really inconvenient time. So, I decided to always keep an extra roll in my bathroom just in case of an emergency. I made it clear to my roommate that this roll is off-limits and for emergencies only.Yesterday, my roommate came to me and asked to use the extra roll of toilet paper. I told him no and explained that it's there for emergencies only. But instead of understanding, he got mad and started calling me selfish and unreasonable.Now, let's be real here, it's just a roll of toilet paper. But I refuse to be caught off guard again. I don't want to run out in the middle of the night or on the weekend when stores are closed. So what if it's just one extra roll for emergencies? I think it's a reasonable request.My roommate, on the other hand, thinks I'm being ridiculous. He says that I can just go buy another roll if we run out and that I'm making a big deal out of nothing. But he just doesn't get it. It's not about the toilet paper, it's about the principle. I made it clear that the extra roll was off-limits, and he should respect that.I've tried to explain this to him, but he just won't listen. He's completely unwilling to understand where I'm coming from and he's being a real drama queen about the whole thing. Now, he's not speaking to me and it's just turned into this whole big drama over something really trivial and insignificant.So, am I the asshole here or is my roommate just being a entitled brat over something that shouldn't even be a problem? I feel like I'm in the right but everyone else is ganging up on me. I don't understand why this has become such a big deal and why my roommate can't just understand my perspective and respect my boundaries. | AITA for not letting my roommate use my extra roll of toilet paper? | YTA |
10sk3qg | To begin with I love all three of my children. I was shit father when they were young and I didn't really get much better as we aged. I worked out of town and I never married any of their mothers. I did always pay child support and tried my best to give them meaningful gifts and experiences when they were growing up. I took them to the Calgary stampede. I took them camping. I took an interest in their extracurricular activities. I went to their hockey and ringette games. I made sure I was at their high school graduations and I set aside money for university. The one that didn't go got an apprenticeship in my trade and used the money to buy a welding rig. I see him all the time. We have beers and I will stop by his house to see my grandchildren. His sisters are night and day. I let them know if I'm in the city and then leave it up to them. My oldest occasionally agrees to meet up with me and then spends a couple of hours berating me and shitting on me. For a long time I put up with it. Now I tend to pay the bill and.leave.The youngest will invite me to her home and I will have dinner with her family. Recently my oldest found out from her brother that I had been in town for a few weeks and hadn't made an effort to see her. I was stuck in town getting.medical shit done and I really didn't need her stressing me out. Her mom knows about what is going on with me and also didn't tell her I was in town. My oldest is pissed because I saw ithe other two. I just don't need to be yelled at for the same thing for two hours. | AITA for not making an effort to see all my kids. | YTA |
10tyofy | I (30F) have been with my boyfriend (27M) for 3 years, living together for 2. We don't have kids but have discussed marriage and starting a family together.BF's family lives across the country, we see them once a year. My family lives within about 30 mins from us, so I see them once every other week, at least once a month. My family gets together for everything -- holidays, birthdays, promotions, even if there's no reason other than just seeing each other.BF doesn't usually come. He'll say he's too tired or that he can't do anything during the week because of his work. (Both of us have WFH office jobs so it's nothing blue-collar, he means he's mentally exhausted.) If my family plans something for the weekend, he needs the full weekend to relax.I don't mind when he misses smaller events like dinners and birthdays, but it upsets me when he misses holidays. Since we've been together he hasn't gone to Thanksgiving or Christmas with my family, even though he doesn't have any other plans.He always tells me he just imagines the holidays with me, him, and our future children. But even married couples will see their families during the holidays?I never force him to go, but he says he always feels bad. As soon as I leave he'll change his mind, but he never goes the next time.My family thinks he's avoiding them. Nobody's been mean or anything close, but they'll comment on his absence and joke to me, like he's always so busy he never has time to say hi, or that I must've broken up and I'm keeping up the lie of having a boyfriend.Even if I tell them he's working or sick, they all seem to see right through it, like they know all of his excuses are just excuses.It's putting me in a shitty position. I don't want to make him come to my family events because he's a grown man and I'm not his mom.But when he doesn't come, I have to deal with everybody asking where he is, if he's coming later, if he's coming next time, etc, and when I get home I have to comfort HIM for feeling bad that he didn't go.He said he really does like my family, but sometimes he doesn't want to be social. I get it, I'm not a sociable person either, but missing everything, especially holidays, sends a message. I told him that eventually they're just going to stop inviting him and he got upset. But isn't that just a normal consequence? The same thing would happen if your friends kept inviting you out and you kept dodging them.When we visit his family I go to everything, like I basically force myself to be sociable even when I'm not feeling it. He told me this isn't the same because my family gets together TOO often, and since we rarely see his family we're cramming as much as possible.I feel like I can't win, like everything I propose sounds demanding or insensitive. I want to tell him that he should try to make it to the dinners and birthdays, but he HAS come to holidays. WIBTA if I tell him he has to compromise? | WIBTA if I put my foot down on my BF missing family events? | NTA |
10tmcj1 | So backstory guys I (26f) decide to invite some of my friends from work to have dinner at my house. Me and my husband just recently bought a new house and we decided to put together a little housewarming party/dinner. I’ve known my co-workers for a pretty long time about 7 years so these aren’t strangers I’m inviting over. I invited a coworker let’s just call her Kathy (25f) over too. Kathy is a good friend of mine and up until now we really never had ANY issues so I was pretty taken back when she did this to me. Anyways in the middle of dinner, Kathy decides to bring up why I have a watering can in my bathroom. I thought it was weird that she would bring this up literally in the middle of dinner but I was just like oh well I’ll explain. So I’m muslin and most muslims have a watering can in the bathroom (those who don’t have a bidet) so we can pour water into it and watch our privates with it. I explained this to her and to be honest it was really awkward explaining this in front of like 10+ people (most of them were not Muslim so they aren’t familiar with the hygiene practices in our religion). Anyways I kid you not this woman has the caucasity to say “That’s a bit unhygienic considering that you cooked us dinner tonight” then continued to laugh. First of all we have soap in the bathroom and I’m very big on hygiene so best believe I wash my hand thoroughly every time I use the bathroom. So I proceeded to tell her she can respectfully leave if she thinks I cooked dinner without my washing my hands. Anyways she got offended and decided to leave which I think is crazy because if anyone should be offended I believe it’s me. The rest of the dinner was very awkward. So I’m back at work next week and I’m really contemplating on ending our friendship. However some of my work friends think I should apologize and I went too far and embarrassed her. AITA? TLDR: Invited my coworkers over for dinner and one of them made a comment insulting my hygiene practice/religion and I told her to leave. | AITA for telling my friend to leave my house in the middle of dinner? | NTA |
10tllux | Long story short, i recently quit my job as a line cook. Over the past 4 months, i had a few interviews at other places and they’d go really well but then they’d ask when I’d be able to start and I’d tell them I’d have to give my current job a two week’s notice. They’d said “oooh, okay” and then I’d never hear from them. My job as a line cook didn’t pay well at ALL and they weren’t properly spreading out tips among the staff, they played favorites. The back of house would always be short staffed; there was only 4 of us total working the back of house. It was chaos everyday for shit money. So, i recently applied somewhere else and didn’t mention that I had a job and the interview went great and they wanted me to start basically immediately so I accepted. I’d be getting double what I make now. This resulted in me not being able to give my current job a proper two weeks notice but I offered to pick up shifts here and there on my days off at my new job. I was keeping my manger updated on my new schedule and when I’d be able to come in but he said “Okay, i think I’m covered for now” then the next day he said “Can you come in tonight or tomorrow?” I told him I can potentially come in tomorrow (today) but I’d have to confirm and get back to him in a few hours. He said okay. So then I texted him and said that “yes i can come in tomorrow” he replied “Actually we’re good tomorrow thanks”. Then he texted me this morning and said “Actually if you wanted to come in for a bit that would be cool!”Like, i was really willing to come in to help them today but he keeps changing his mind and now I don’t want to go in. AITA if I decline? He keeps changing his mind. | AITA if I don’t pick up a shift at my old job? | NTA |
10tx6iz | AITA. Let's start with a year ago when I was hired for a job. They wanted me. I had the experience and I accepted the job. I began training and a month in I was told what I was hired for has fallen through and I won't be doing it, but they had another position for me. Like I said, they wanted me. I expressed my hesitation, about the position, but ultimately accepted it. I needed a job and I needed healthcare. It was fine in the beginning but over the last 4 months I get demands from my boss that are near impossible tasks to complete. We simply don't have the amount of staff needed, the money to complete the projects, nor the computer power to do it. I have talked to my boss about these issues and have brought up the problems. The answers I get make me feel that I'm being set up to fail. My boss is frustrated with me because I cannot complete these tasks. I have put a ton of effort into trying to make these projects work, but also have other tasks that I need to complete, that I can complete. So, I've just given up on trying to get the impossible tasks done. AITA for questioning and pushing back on my boss about these and just simply giving up on them. I've started putting my efforts into the things I can do, and have started looking for other job options. Of course I want to help improve and do what I can for the company I work for, but there is nothing I can do when the resources I need aren't being provided to me, and I'm not getting any help or support from my superior. I'm frustrated and feel stuck. | AITA for not doing a job that my boss insists needs done | NTA |
10tzuus | I(14M) like to think that I value privacy. I've always kept to myself when it comes to virtually everything, from my hobbies to what I think of myself. Occasionally I try to socialise with my classmates, and it usually works, so I'm not exactly popular or unpopular.Recently, my mother(40F) has been opening my door when I'm doing work, gaming, lying in bed, etc. I think of this as very intrusive, and it creeps me out. Recently, I've tried to confront her about it, and oh boy did she explode. She told me that I was being ungrateful and that I didn't understand her troubles as a parent or know what I was even talking about. My mother is always very loving, so I was bewildered when I was met with such a furious response. I don't want to escalate this conflict any further unless necessary but I think that she is in the wrong for constantly invading my privacy. Am I being needy or is she being too overprotective of me? Whenever I think about what I've done, I always doubt myself on whether I fit how she describes me. I know her intentions are good but I just can't put up with this doubt anymore. Am I the asshole for speaking up? | AITA for confronting my mother about consistently opening my room door without permission? | NTA |
10t75c0 | Hi I’m 32F and a single mom to two kids, 8F and 7M. I left my husband March of last year and stayed in our 3 bedroom/2 bath home out of desperation/fear of not getting approved for other housing even though it was not easy for me financially. I’ve been surviving and able to pay our $2300 rent but slowly slipping into more debt. Our lease is up end of April and I have made the decision to leave the house and downsize to an apartment to save money and take the physical load of caring for a house off of my plate. My 25F sister lives with me and has been paying $425 in rent since March of 2021. She moved in with us when I was still with my ex husband and he financially supported our family. When I decided to leave my husband, I didn’t raise her rent. She makes around $16.50/hr working full time hours. She has minimal bills (car payment, phone, car insurance) and to be frank, has the financially maturity of a 16-18y/o. She doesn’t help me with house chores even after asking her several times over the years, maybe she does the dishes like once a month. Anyway, our new place is a 2 bedroom 2 bath apartment with an oversized garage. I chose this place because it is still zoned for my kids school and it’s important to me to keep them within our community. Rent is $1979. The plan is for me to share a room with my kids and for her to have the other room. The more I think about this, the more I feel weird about the fact that my 25y/o single sister is going to be getting 1/2 my apartment and paying 21% of the rent. I had the idea to increase her rent to $660 which is 33% of the rent. But my friends and family still don’t think that’s enough. I’m not asking her to live with me, and she’s made it clear she won’t share a room with either of my kids, which I understand honestly. They aren’t her kids. I know she won’t/can’t live on her own. I don’t want to make her broke, but I don’t feel this is fair either. AITA for raising the rent to $660 or am I enabling her to stay mentally 18 for the rest of her life? Or am I being reasonable?ETA she has her own room here at this house and primary use of the guest bathroom. She only shares when we have guests here, myself and my kids don’t use it. | AITA for raising my 25y/o sisters rent? | NTA |
10tq69f | Sorry for the typos english isn't my first langage... I, 23F, live with two of my siblings (F25&M23, my brother is irrelevant to the story though). For the back story, 2months ago was my sister birthday. Since we don't live in our birth country, my brother and I as well as all our cousins who live in the same city as us decided to throw her a surprise birthday. We all came together to buy a cake, a present as well as all the others cost for the party. Everything went well that day and since we prepared lot of food there were ton of leftovers. Matter of fact, since there were other desserts as well barely anyone touched the birthday cake aside for my sister and some of the kids. We bought a huge one, I mean REALLY huge (we were 15adults and 5kids so we just decided to go all out with it), and since it was my sister's cake we obviously went home with the barely touched huge birthday cake. The next day, since I didn't have any slice of that cake I asked my sister if I could have a slice, she said yes and I cut one. I then went back to her to show her the slice. She was visibly uncomfortable with my slice so I handed her the knife I used to cut it and she left me with a tiny little cube. I was mad because the cake was huge and my original slice wasn't that big to begin with but, I respected her choice since, again, it was her birthday cake. I ate the slice she gave me and never asked again. I believe I saw the box in the trash some days later and as she ended up eating it completly alone. Now back to today's problem. I quit my part-time job last week to focus on my master's thesis and got my last salary yesterday. Today, I decided to go shopping a little and came accross a small bakery. When I saw the cakes I decided to buy a small one to treat myself and got home. We all share the same fridge so I just put it in there after eating some. Well, I assume all of you know what happened next... My sister came home, saw my cake and asked if she could have some. I said no because I wanted to eat it alone and she litterally exploded. Starting calling me selfish for buying things like that for myself only when we're 3 in the house. I told her that she herself ate her bd cake alone so I don't see why I need to share my cake with anyone and she ended up calling her mother who then called our father who called me to ask to share my cake and I still said no... Rn i'm in my room with the cake and i'm contemplating just eating it whole in one go because I know she'll try something if I let it in the fridge... Aita ? | AITA for not sharing? | NTA |
10ua017 | I (15F) have a friend (15F) in school, let’s call her Nat. We’ve known each other for about 4 years now, and even though it’s been a while, I wouldn’t call us necessarily close. Last week, during break time in school, she and a bunch of my classmates were gathered around my desk (I was eating), talking about random things. After some time, the conversation began to turn into the kind that to me, is unacceptable. Context: Another classmate (14F), had a relationship with a boy from another school, and had sent certain pictures to him, that he leaked to his friends. By certain pictures, I mean explicit ones. She had told me about this when she got to know, and trusted me to keep it a secret (which I did). I, as well as my friend Nat have experienced body image issues and have been made fun of because of it.They started gossiping about this situation, and when I heard I immediately told them that it wasn’t any of our business, and that we should just move on. My friend Nat didn’t try and stop them, but instead egged them on by saying that the classmate whose pictures were leaked, was flat and shouldn’t have sent those pictures knowing this. I was appalled and left the classroom, and she followed me asking what was wrong (I was clearly angry). I asked her if she really thought it was right to not only gossip about such personal things, but also make fun of the person involved. She said it wasn’t a big deal, and that by sending pictures that person was accepting the consequences. I told her that until she thought about what she did and why I reacted the way I did, and apologised to the person involved, I wouldn’t talk to her. Keep in mind I also explained that it is my principle to not talk about such things and make fun of people about their bodies or anything, and that if she didn’t want to apologise, she didn’t have to, I just wouldn’t talk to her— out of my own personal moral.After this some of her friends started telling me I was an asshole for choosing not to talk to her until she did something about it, because again (like she had said) it wasn’t any of their business, and the person involved should have known these things would happen. I just told them that she probably knows she made a mistake, and at this point in time all she needs is support (talking about the person involved) that people (her literal classmates), aren’t giving her. I also added that I only told Nat what I felt, if she didn’t want to do anything about it, she didn’t have to. The only reason I feel like I might be an asshole is because even if we aren’t close, Nat and I have been friends for a couple of years, in my head I feel guilty for turning on her.Edit: Person involved has talked to a school counsellor and they are taking action. | AITA for not wanting to talk to my friend because of someone else’s problem? | NTA |
10sguco | My son is 12 and we are very close. We always spend one day a month together.The day is always the same. We wake up slightly later than usual, have a pancake breakfast, hang out at the rink for a couple hours, head to the arcade to try the claw machines, then eat dinner at this Indian restaurant before heading home and watching a movie with dessert.It’s important to us and we always do everything I mentioned. We’ve been doing it since he was 5. I always let him and my boyfriend know the date a week prior. On the morning of the day, my boyfriend decided to clean the kitchen and threw out the pancake mix. He then forgot to fill up the gas in my car so we had to go the gas station but it took forever because of traffic. Then when we finally got to the rink, he called me about 20 times to ask where something is or to discuss something about his daughter. We had to leave quickly so that the restaurant wouldn’t close so we skipped the arcade. When we were half way through eating my boyfriend called and said that he hurt himself. We packed up the food and rushed home only to find out that he hit his ankle against something but was ok otherwise. He then refused to let us watch the movie because he was watching something and he started eating the food we brought. My son called him a dick before stomping up to his room. I was just in shock. My boyfriend’s NEVER done this before and I really could not tell if he was being oblivious or if he was doing this on purpose. Boyfriend was all like “You just gonna let that slide?”I rolled my eyes at him before saying ”enjoy the food” I then went to our room. He followed after me asking me wtf my problem is. I told him that he knows how important this day is and he got pissed and was like “is that what this is about? I’m important too you know!“ I kind of snapped and told him that he isn’t as important as my son and that he ruined our day by acting like a little child. He went quiet, said that I’m being a bitch then left. He won’t answer any of my calls but texted my son saying that he expects an apology. It’s 5am and I haven’t been able to sleep. AITA here? Please be honest. I need to know if I was really being a bitch and if I overreacted or something.Edit: We’re in our 30s but he’s a couple years older, his daughter is 20 and has her own mom. We’ve been together for 4 years and we go on date nights every two or so weeks but I don’t have “boyfriend only” days like I do with my son. Also don’t worry, my son will not be apologizing and I’ve reassured him that he has nothing to be sorry for. | AITA for being a bitch towards my bf after he ruined my day? | NTA |
10sthgk | I was at the playground with my son and his friend when I heard someone say "penis" very softly. A second later I heard it again, slightly louder, and recognized my son's voice. I glanced at the boys while pretending to be on my phone, and they were standing by the monkey bars, looking around. My son's friend then said it again at a normal volume.My son then looked over at me and I made direct eye contact with him. He looked from me to his friend, weighing his options. I gave him the "ball is in your court" look. He said "penis," and then his friend looked at me and said "nope." Then my son declared himself the winner of their deeply stupid game and they ran to the swings.One of the other moms asked of they were my sons. I said one was, and she asked why I didn't chastise them for their language. I said I didn't want to give them the satisfaction of reacting to their dumb game. If I told them off, they would just want to do it more. She said they were disturbing the other parents and kids, and was being a shit mom by allowing it.I said penis isn't a curse word, so how disturbed could they really be? She then called me trashy and walked away. So am I a trashy asshole? | AITA for not giving them the satisfaction? | NTA |
10twp1n | My (F20) best friend (M20, let's call him Josh) and I have been having some trouble lately, after he hanged out with a friend that I introduced him and didn't invite me. This hurt me a lot because I always do my best to include everyone in everything and he has become part of my friend group because of this, a couple of weeks ago I introduced another friend of mine to the others and last week that friend and Josh made a plan without me. It really sucked that they didn't even consider to invite me and I felt really left out. It is also important to explain that almost ever since I've known Josh I've suggested that he went to therapy for a number of reasons. I go to therapy myself (both psychologist and psyquiatrist) because I have bpd and anxiety, but he's always said that he didn't think he had anything serious like I do and didn't want to go. At one point, a long time ago, due to his inability to set boundaries with me, I said that I wouldn't feel comfortable being his friend if he didn't get professional help. He agreed to do it, but only ended up going to 3 free counseling sessions that his University offered. I let it go, because it seemed like he was better. This has been an ongoing debate between us, but I understand that I cannot control what he does and so I tried to not bring it up as much. These past few weeks, however, because of the issue I explained at the beginning, have been quite tense. The worst thing is that whenever I get upset with Josh, it ends up feeling like he is the most hurt by the situation and I end up feeling guilty (this has to do also with my bpd, because in other occasions I have gotten upset without reason and sometimes it's hard to manage my feelings).Tonight he was feeling very very bad about the whole thing and asked me to call him, so I did. This caused me to feel very divided, because I had to push away my feelings about how he had behaved and try to console him and worry about him. I decided it wasn't fair and told him to please seek professional help, again, he refused because "it wasn't such a big deal and it would go away on it's own". I told him that if that was true he didn't need me, so we hang up. After a few minutes he texted me saying he wasn't feeling good, so I responded by texting him the number of the clinic I go to and saying that if he wanted to call me again he had to promise to call on Monday and make an appointment. He got mad at me and said it wasn't fair. I think I did the right thing, but I'm still worried about him and feel very guilty, so am I the asshole? | AITA for leaving my best friend alone in the midst of a breakdown? | YTA |
10txta5 | So I (22, F)am currently trying to stop weed, and getting a healthier lifestyle. I am on my 5th day on CBD, and with the stress and everything I decided I would take a pill to sleep better, but the problem is I could'nt get out of bed this morning (11:20 am on a sunday). I heard my mother in the kitchen telling her boyfriend how disappointed she was about me not being abble to get up at 10-10:30 am on the morning like I did last week. She said exactly "So the 10-10:30 am wake up didn't last so long. How disappointing." So I woke up furiously, opened my door I yelled "I am awake since 30 minutes, are you happy now ?" And then just proceed to explain to her, still yelling, how difficult it was for me to fell asleep because of stress and how I had to take a pill to sleep, etc...Later she would come to my room, ask me if I was calmed and if we could have a talk, which I answered I was not, and that we couldn't talkMy problem is that, I don't feel supported by her at all and I feel like I can't trust her anymore if she's speaking such harsh things on my back, however I am doing all this efforts to please her, she'll never be happy enough and proud of me. I am not even proud of myself anymore even for getting rid of weed, using cbd, and getting from 10 to 3 a day. I feel like a failure. Is that normal ? How can I be the most intelligent in this situation ? Am I wrong, or is there a way to make her feel or understand how much of a trust issue there is going to be between us after this? Gotta say I am a very VERY sensitive person, and I tried for years to please her and be kind, and shut my mouth even when she says bad things on me, but today I just can't anymore, I am very hurted and don't want to make any efforts anymore for her. Help me please.Please excuse my bad english for I am french. Thank you very much for you attention. | AITA for being extremely angry about my mom on this situation | NTA |
10txt85 | I've recently started going out to parties with classmates and friends. I've been going out more frequently to parties with one friend who I met a couple years ago. She's not my closest friend but we've worked together on a couple projects and I trust her dearly. She knows quite a bit about me, some stuff that's very private and I've never told anybody else. She's on the smaller side and probably one of the sweetest, most personable people you'll ever meet. If I'm being honest, I do have some feelings for her.Anyhow, every party I've ever gone to with her she's gotten shitfaced at. Every time she's promised us (her best friends and I) that she'll take it easy and be responsible; every time she's broken that promise. The last party I went to with her was in the same week as another one (think one on Monday and another on Friday) and I was responsible for driving her. I asked her, hell, I practically begged her to take it easy. She promised that she wouldn't drink. Not even a half hour after we got there she was drunk. I took her to a quiet area and tried to get her to sober up, nope, she managed to get more. Then, when she realized she had broken her promise, she asked me to lie to her best friend and to keep the fact that she was drunk a secret. This cycle continued for 3 hours.I drove her and some friends home at around 1 in the morning. When it was only her and her best friend in the car, I stopped and I flipped at her. Yelling. I yelled at her for a good couple minutes. She cried. She didn't even try to defend herself and neither did her best friend. She didn't make a sound. She looked like a frightened child.I was pissed for a few reasons:1) This was the third time she had promised not only me, but her closest friends that she'd be responsible. This was the third time she had broken her word. Once is a mistake, twice is suspect, thrice is a lie.2) Every time that she has gotten drunk, she became a burden to everybody that loves her. Her closest friends have gotten in trouble for being home late because they were taking care of her. 3) When she realized she was drunk and had broken her word, her first reaction wasn't to apologize and come clean, her first reaction was to ask me to lie to our friends to hide it. She also asked me help her hide it from her family.I outlined these three points when I was yelling at her. I believe that she needs to know. I've tried to tell her a million times but obviously she wasn't listening. I couldn't think of anything else to try. I feel like shit cause she was powerless when I was yelling at her. I was supposed to take care of her but I ended up being the one making her cry. AITA for doing that? How could I have handled it any better?TL:DR: My friend lied to me and her friends to get wasted, I yelled at her for it. | AITA for making my drunk friend cry? | NTA |
10sftbg | so I (21) have blue hair and I was told by a hairdresser that the color sticks better if you put a little bit of hair dye in your shampoo. this was all good until my 12-year-old sister decided to swipe and use my shampoo. she is blonde and the result isn't pretty. my mum is mad at me for putting dye in my shampoo and not telling anyone, this is my shampoo that i bought and i had placed it in the shower that only i use and my sister took it and used it in another shower. she has done this before with other items and my mum also thinks i did this as a way to teach her not to steal my stuff (i didnt). so yeah the whole family is mad, should i have told them about me putting hair dye into my shampoo?Edit: I'm not a victim of theft and I'm well aware of that lol | AITA for putting blue hair dye in my shampoo without letting my family know? | NTA |
10tr5aq | First of all, for context, this was last semester and I'm a high school student. We had an english project. There were meant to be 5 people in each group, the group chooses which members are which and then they do their work (for example, all member 1s do the same work in every group, so do member 2s and so on, this was the teacher's idea). I was member 5 and one girl from another group who was also member 5 reached out to me and asked me for help about something, and then another member 5 also reached out. I helped them both, I even did their work for them and explained it to them how I did it. One of them was grateful, but the other one started questioning me and accusing me of doing it wrong on purpose because her group didn't do it like that (it worked in a way that the work that member 1 does is needed for member 2, and what member 2 does is needed for member 3 and so on) and she asked me to explain it to her again, after I already did multiple times. I explained it to her one more time, but she still didn't believe me. I went ballistic. I did my work again, and their work again, I asked my parents for help, I emailed my teacher, but in the end, it turned out I was right all along. So, the other day in school when she asked me something about it, I told her it isn't my problem and that she should do what she thinks is right. She ended up going with the way she thought was right (but of course it was wrong) and got a bad grade. AITA? | AITA for refusing to help my classmate after I've already helped her? | NTA |
10tr2vp | For context I am 22(M) have a big family, three older siblings 30(F), and 28(M) 27(M), with three younger sisters, 21(F), 13(F), and 9(F). My parents are in there mid 50’s and have had a tradition since I can remember. On someone’s birthday they pick what we eat for dinner.It was my sisters 21 birthday and she had been out shopping all day with me and my family. My older sister and brothers weren’t there so it was me and my younger sisters along with my parents. The whole time my sister would point at me in stores that her friends were at and call me slurs due to the fact I am a trans man. “Thank god she’s straight, well a lesbian if she likes girls” She has never accepted me as a male when everyone else has. My youngest sister would respect me and refer to me as brother but my sister just wouldn’t get it. So once it was time for us to eat I asked if i could bring a friend. My parents agreed and I brought my boyfriend, I had wanted to come out as gay to my family for a while but felt they needed a break after me coming out as trans. During dinner my sister and her boyfriend kept drinking and drinking. They got so wasted that they would both call me slurs, including commenting on my skin, telling me to go back to my country. I got so pissed off when she had started calling me a lesbian again I wasn’t thinking and kissed my boyfriend. “I’m gay okay? So stop it with the lesbian jokes and stop calling me a girl”My parents started yelling at me and my sister started crying. She wouldn’t stop talking about how I ruined her 21st birthday but honestly I don’t care.It’s been 2 days now and nobody will stop texting me about how I fucked up. My younger sisters (9&13) texted and called me talking about how they wanted to meet him and were glad for me. I drove over to their house today and picked them up. My parents said if they came with me they’d kick them out. I didn’t force them to follow me out but they came anyways. Now I have to take care of my Testosterone, and other trans needs as well as my sisters. I do not regret anything I did but I still feel like the asshole. It could’ve been avoided if I didn’t go to my sisters birthday but she deserved it. Am I the asshole? | AITA for coming out on my sisters birthday? | NTA |
10tm7g2 | My boyfriend “Ryan” and I (24M/22F) live with our friend “John” (25M). John has the upstairs floor which is just his room and bathroom and Ryan and I have the ground floor bedroom/bathroom. The common areas - living room, kitchen - are on the ground floor.Ryan was at work last night, I was hanging out reading in the living room and John was doing his own thing upstairs. There was an incident on my street which resulted in the police being there and shelter in place orders being issued for the neighborhood. We were instructed to stay away from the windows. I felt I had reason to feel unsafe on the ground floor. I went upstairs to ask John if I could hang out with him until things calmed downs. He said sure, he was just watching a movie and I was welcome to join him. So I sat on the opposite corner of the bed (it’s a huge bed) and watched a movie with him.At some point, I fell asleep (I think we both did) and woke up 3 hours later to Ryan shouting at both of us. I don’t feel we did anything wrong, we weren’t cuddling or naked or even very close to each other. And I had sent Ryan multiple texts/videos showing him what was going on the night before so I felt it was clear that I felt unsafe being on the first floor. Ryan insists that it was inappropriate to be in johns room and especially sitting on his bed for any reason at all. I could’ve sat in our bathroom which doesn’t have any windows. He’s not talking to me today and now I feel that maybe I did something wrong | AITA for falling asleep in another man’s bed? | NTA |
10u935t | We're 33/F and 35/F. I'm 35/F.Me and my friend Katya (fake name for privacy) are creating a new website centered on food, it's more opinions and how-tos and isn't intended on competing with professional websites; it's lighter and softer in tone and aimed at a mix of Gen Z and Millennials.But we also cover issues facing the food service/restaurant industry post-COVID pandemic which, outside of things like CNN/CNBC/CTV, social media probably won't cover this on an in-depth yet easy-to-understand style (y'know, like the For Dummies or Complete Idiot's Guide).It's certainly not like Paris Hilton's Netflix show where the main draw is the celeb, as the main draw is the food and the content, it's not about vlogging for endorsement deals, but genuine passion for the food.For both of us, cookery has been a passion since we were 14. I'm Indian-American (no, not a Native American, I'm half-Punjabi, half-Gujarati) from California and my friend's an Italian-American from NYC who moved here for a job 10 years ago.I work as a freelancer, she's currently working for a mom-and-pop fashion store which sells imported women's swimwear.My friend is a very close friend, known her 10 years.In my day job, social media is part and parcel of it anyway; I ghostwrite 3 Twitter accounts and 1 Instagram, in addition to doing some sudo'ing and SSH'ing for an up-and-coming influencer (all those Mac commands are useful!)We haven't even got any material up yet, as we're planning things.My friend (and co-founder) suggested we put some short videos up on TikTok, but I said to her that TikTok isn't great for data protection. She seemed to think that because people like the Kardashians used TikTok it was fine for ordinary people to do so.As it is, she was surprised, but said we needed to use TikTok "to keep ahead of the pack".In order to resolve this conflict, I said we needed to do a much more thorough analysis of how to keep privacy safe.I suggested we use wordpress.com and host some of our downloadable content via GitHub and AppKed so there's a mirror of our content for offline usage.GitHub and AppKed seem to be better at privacy than Google, and Google is the lesser of two evils over TikTok, ain't it?I said to him I'd talk to my friend whose wedding we've both been invited to in 6 weeks' time and he agreed with me about being wary about TikTok and said he'd be happy to discuss it with us and give advice, pro bono (normally he charges a large fee for drafting privacy policies; like me, he's a freelancer with his own business). I've known him for 15 years.Anyway, our new venture's in the planning stages, it's not a startup, as it's not about making profit, but it's a good little side venture for me since I've never actually had social media under my own name (even this Reddit account is a throwaway with info changed for privacy).My question is, AITA here for suggesting we don't use TikTok and instead focus on services that provide good privacy for us and customers? | AITA for suggesting to my friend we don't use TikTok in our new venture's social media, instead sticking to a YouTube, WordPress, GitHub and AppKed? | NAH |
10tqfpx | My (25f) boyfriend (26m) and I have been together for 5 years, he is paralyzed and I am his caregiver. He's adamantly independent about stuff he shouldn't be (for safety which is why I say that) and extremely dependent about stuff that I don't always think he should be. So I get frustrated with him so being messy. He has full use of his arms, VERY minimal upper abs usage. There's always food and crumbs on his chest, belly, in his beard, rolling under him. He doesn't like garbage in his limited space (and wont keep a small bucket or bag near him) so if im not there to immediately grab it from him, he tosses it to the ground or puts it on my bed for me to throw out when I come back, otherwise it sits there on his bed with him, leaks or gets under him. His hands and nails are black all the time because he decides to clean his 🌱bowl with his hands -_- his phone always has food on it. I get frustrated with him or he will with me for the same reason: he's a mess. He used to be very clean and tidy, fresh out of the military before his accident. So we will both get angry at each other for the state of him sometimes. I get angry like "why cant you keep wipes near you and USE them? How are there crumbs on you, you know how to eat. Please be mindful." And for him he says things like "i cant move fully, im in bed all day every day of course im going to be more messy than you. So and so is out of my reach. You need to be on top of bathing me and crumbs and grime wouldnt be a problem." I AM the asshole for still not being very consistent with cleanings. I bed bathe him at least twice a week and we have improper equipment(dont even get me started) for comfortable showers so those are about once a month. I think he could get a bed bath every day, but I am not good at juggling my own care, his care, our 9 animals care, and all the constant paperwork and upkeep of trying to establish a solid adult life and keep up with disability life. I'm not killing him, he gets compliments from doctors on the quality of skin and "great care at home" that I feel bad about because I do think my care can and should be better, however im considering switching the responsibilities to a third party since I lack the responsibility and it causes strain LIKE THESE in our relationship 😅 So I'm wondering if im the asshole for being mad at him that he's messy because I should be keeping him clean anyway. | AITA for getting frustrated with boyfriend for being messy | NTA |
10tjgct | Hi,Thank you for reading this in advance. Earlier last year I (24M) bought a 2 bed flat in London, one of my friends moved in with me and rented the other room. My flatmate told me he was going to move in with his gf. I have been looking for the past month (advertising online etc.) to try and find someone, but I haven't got anywhere. His rent is up on the 8th Feb.I have a large mortgage on the flat so a roommate is needed. If I were to try and cover the cost of the flat with just my income I would just be able to scrape by but it would be difficult. My mum signed the mortgage with me, she is effectively a guarantor for this mortgage, but there is no intention for her to pay any money towards this long term. In a few years I should be able to fully afford the flat by myself, and in the meantime I will rent the room to make up the difference. She will cover the cost of the other room between flatmates, but I will have to pay this money back to her when I sell the flat. Currently around 65% of my monthly mortgage payments pay off the interest, this is the effective rate of interest on the money my mum loans to me which is very high! I am therefore very keen to avoid this possibility.I initially wasn't bothered about the gender of any potential flatmate. I grew up with 3 sisters so I am very used to living with women, at uni I lived with a mix as well so I didn't think much of the gender. Around a week ago my gf mentioned to me that she might find it uncomfortable if I had a girl move in with me (gf does not live in the flat, we have been dating a year), she said especially because it would just be the 2 of us it would make her uncomfortable as it would mean I was talking to a woman about issues at work, issues with friends, issues in our relationship maybe. If you get on with your flatmate I can understand why that would be a close relationship.At the time I said I understand her feelings, and I will do my best to find a guy because I want to make her comfortable. But I also pointed out that as of Feb 8th I don't have anyone to pay my rent, bills etc. She said she understood and that she realises that this isn't her decision, but she wanted to say her bit.Reddit WIBTA if a girl moved in with me? I have a girl coming to look at the flat tomorrow, and when I mentioned this to my gf she went quiet. She said she understood that "I've got to do what I've got to do", but she is uncomfortable with the situation. I don't want to upset her but at the same time if I have to keep on waiting to find someone to fill this room it's costing me money every day its empty. I've actively tried to get guys in, I almost had a guy earlier this week but he wanted somewhere with better transport connections so at the last minute pulled out. If I can I would like to have a guy in here to make this easier for her but I don't think I can really be picky anymore?Thanks in advance and happy weekend! | WIBTA for letting a girl move in with me? | NTA |
10t1ufw | In early December my parents were asking me what I wanted for Christmas. I didn't really have anything I wanted, but my mom always complains about how crappy my favorite pair of boots looks (they're a pair of Docs I bought secondhand over a decade ago, they're pretty torn up) so I figured I'd ask for a new pair of nice boots. I sat down with my mom and we looked at boots on their site and found a pair we both liked. Christmas comes around and my parents admit that they haven't gotten them yet because they wanted to pick them up from the store instead of paying for shipping which I was fine with, and they both said they would get them for me soon.My parents and I talked on the phone multiple times over the next month, and every time we would talk they would mention the boots, and say they were going to get them soon. Two weeks ago (Jan 18th) my girlfriend tells me that her best friend's boyfriend is going to propose to her, and my girlfriend wants to have a party at her apartment where it will happen. Her best friend's birthday is Feb 7th, so the party is going to be the weekend before. She wants it to be absolutely perfect, and so we started planning, including outfits. My outfit included the boots that my parents said they were going to get.That Sunday night (22nd) I sent my parents a text letting them know that I need the boots by the first weekend of Feb. I had phone calls with each of them last week where they both confirmed getting the text, confirm understanding the time limit, and they both say that they were getting the boots that week. I visit them Sunday and they haven't gotten the boots. I tell them I would prefer that they get them early in the week as I'm going to be running errands to help my girlfriend prep for the party as the weekend approaches.I text my parents Mon m to remind them. They say that they forgot but promise they'll get them Tues so I can come pick them up on time. Same thing Tues. I remind them Wed morning, and ask my dad about them when he calls me about something else and he yells at me because I only wanted to talk about the boots.Thursday I buy the boots myself. I pick them up on the way home from work, and text my parents afterwards telling them they don't need to get me the boots because I got them myself.My dad calls me an hour later yelling about how they said they were going to get the boots and I went out and got them instead and how I had made my mom cry by buying them myself. My mom never responded to the message I sent her after that call. This morning my sisters both text me saying that I had made mom cry the night before, and my aunt called me in the early afternoon asking what I had done to make my mom cry. Potentially unrelated but I was planning on going to a show with my cousin and she hasn't been responding to my messages today (she's 20 and in college so I understand a lack of responses on a normal Friday). | AITA for buying some boots my parents said they would get me for Christmas? | NTA |
10u01k1 | I (17f) my dad (m) in his late 40s. Recently it’s been in the Lower 40’s. We live in the south where it’s typically warmer. My father would tell stories of when he lived in the north as a young kid walking in the snow to school every time I complain about the cold. Recently I come home to the worlds hottest house, times where the thermostat would be set to 85 degrees! I find this very hypocritical, and sometimes it’s even hotter. I understand it’s colder outside recently however I don’t think it’s normal to sweat after coming inside from 40 degree weather. Just recently I woke up to the house once again at 85 at one in the morning. I go to change the thermostat and instead meet face to face with my father, not exactly face to face more like I encountered him on the computer going to change the thermostat. He then yelled at me telling me that if I was hot I should just turn the vent to my room off. I’ve spoken to my friends and found out it’s not normal to have the temperature over 80 but because he’s older and it’s his house I should just leave him be. I was also told by my relatives that I don’t pay bills or have a job so I should just wear comfortable clothes. So could I be the a-hole?Edit: I forgot to mention my window is broken and has no screen. A screen is kinda important to keep critters and mosquitoes out. I live in a run down apartment and only live with my dad | AITAH for turning down the thermostat? | NTA |
10th0g6 | Brother had his first child 2 weeks ago. He is currently not working and he has about $70k in shares but didn’t want to sell any right now because “it’s not the right market to sell” so him and his partner moved in with my parents about a month before the baby came. They stayed with her mother for the first week but have been back in the parents house for a week now. So far they haven’t let my parents even touch the baby let alone hold it. Tomorrow they (my parents) are going overseas for 8 weeks. My dad was diagnosed with cancer a few weeks ago and wants to see his siblings overseas before he starts treatment as he hasn’t seen any of them since before the pandemic. I suggested it would be nice if they could hold the baby for a few minutes before they go overseas, especially as today is my dads birthday. Brother ripped into me for butting in, telling him how to raise his child, treating the baby like a toy for people to play with, being insensitive to what it’s like for him and his partner as new parents etc etc. He then claimed that the only reason they hadn’t let them hold the baby was because they hadn’t asked to and he didn’t know if they wanted to or not, which is total BS in my opinion because a) what grandparent wouldn’t want to and b) they stay in their separate lounge room almost all the time the baby is awake with the door shut which is a pretty obvious signal that they don’t want my parents involved in any way apart from living in their house rent free, eating their groceries, and letting my parents do all their laundry. They’ve taken over most of the house as well. My brothers old bedroom got turned into their personal lounge room, the rumpus room/parents office got turned into their bedroom, my sisters old bedroom is now a clothes drying room/my brothers office and my old bedroom is a junk room. Am I the asshole for thinking that given how much my parents have done for them, it’s really bullshit the way my brother reacted to my suggestion?ETA for further info1. baby healthy born full term, no health problems, we are in summer so not cold & flu season here, all family members had all vaccinations that they requested we have2. I asked parents how things were going and dad said he felt like “a fifth wheel on a cart” (English not his first language) and that he felt like he didn’t belong in the house any more.3. About 2 months prior to the birth they hadn’t done any baby preparation at all as they had been travelling around the state to attend opera concerts every weekend so my parents bought a few baby supplies for them and my brother told them that they were “taking over” and that his partner didn’t want to move in to the house even though they couldn’t afford anything else without selling some of his shares because she was afraid that they would take over raising the baby, hence why they haven’t asked to hold the child themselves.4. Brother and partner are mid 30s, parents are late 70s. | AITA for suggesting that it would be nice if my sibling let our parents (baby’s grandparents) hold his baby for a few minutes | NTA |
10tzwpx | I (16f) am in an advanced theatre class. The teacher does not particularly like me but she isn’t outwardly rude to me. We recently had an assignment where we were given a stock photo and had to make a monologue out of it. I got mine and I envisioned an abusive religious fanatic mother punishing her daughter, similar to my bio mother. I got it approved BY MY TEACHER. It was a very dramatic monologue but that was the assignment. My adoptive mom said it was possibly a bit too intense but overall she thought it was good. My sister was a bit upset by it and said it was a bit sadistic and twisted. So I ran it by my teacher again she was like “Yea whatever it’s fine” and I picked up that she didn’t really read it, but whatever.It’s time to preform and I’m really feeling my character acting it out and halfway through she very rudely interrupts it by yelling “What the hell Joslyn??!!!” I am very surprised and I ask her what’s wrong and she tells me that playing an abusive religious fanatic is EXTREMELY inappropriate and offensive towards Christians. I ask her to elaborate and she tells me that I should have ran it through not just her, but my counselor. I told her that she should have actually read it. She then tells me that I can make it up but the highest score I can get is a 75. I refuse and tell her she should’ve actually done her job and it’s not my fault she should have actually read it. she then gave me a referral. I just walked out of her classroom and called her a B word I didn’t really care at that point now my teacher is being very rude to me and my classmates are starting to act weird around me so I have to know, Am I The Asshole? | AITA for not making sure my teacher approved my project? | NTA |
10szj4n | Okay everyone so my friend, M26, invited me to his wedding recently. He moved away so I haven't been able to see him as much so when he invited me I was happy to say yes and attend. His bride, F26, is also someone I know and also a friend, though not best friends and I know she has quite a few better friends than me, so I was surprised to have been asked to be a bridesmaid for their wedding though it wasn't something that I turned down. Everything went well with us getting our bridesmaid dresses and whatnot and getting ready for the wedding. We were told that we could wear jewelry as long as it wasn't too flashy or showy. So come the day of the wedding I show up and I'm not wearing much jewelry, just a pair of small beaded hoop earrings, and a beaded choker necklace that went blended well with the color of the dress. My friend complimented me on my necklace and earrings but later on before the ceremony the bride pulled me to the side and said that she said not to wear anything that was too flashy or showy to which I responded that I didn't think that it was and that "too showy" is subjective to the person. She kinda gave a huff and was obviously irritated from that point on, though she never asked me to take off my jewelry so I left it on for the whole ceremony and reception afterwards but after the reception she brought it up again and we started to argue about it and I said that my cultural jewelry wasn't flashy or showy at all and it was cultural items that I'm wearing. She continued to be mad at me and we haven't really talked since but I'm wondering was I the asshole?Edit since it was brought up: the other bridesmaids were wearing hoop earrings and chokers but their chokers were normal style chokers and not native so I inherently stood out from them as obviously mine was a different materia but did not stand out in front of the bride. | AITA for wearing my jewelry to my friend's wedding? | NTA |
10tifr9 | I (21) need helpProblem #1, about 4 years ago, a family member moved in with us (my mom, aunt) Let’s call her “person”. She’s at least 50. It was hell for me and my mom, person never cleaned, and hoarded all her stuff into our living room, you couldn’t walk there. She would eat, sleep, and work in our living room and barely left. She was supposed to find a place of her own. she stayed for over 3 years. What made this bad was our family was trying to help my Grandma, and she was lounging around our house. She left a few months ago, finally. Problem #2, before person moved out, our Grandma didn’t make it, this really hurt because she was the center. Family events were at her house. A week after my Grandma’s passing, people in our family wanted my mom and aunt to babysit their kids. I was infuriated because I knew my mom was upset. It was so out of line, they lost their mom, and people in the family want them to babysit their kids. Not even giving time to digest everything that happened. This is the moment I started to look at my family members differently.Problem #3, my cousin, let’s call her “persona”. she was sleeping around and got pregnant as a teen. People told her to stop, she didn’t listen. Now that’s she’s older, she neglecting her kid. He’s like 9 now. It’s pissing me off because now my mom and aunt have to step up, spend money, and raise him. She treated me horribly when I little and treated my mom terrible the last few months when she has done nothing but help her kid. After person moved out, I wasn’t ready to have someone else come to our house. Now personas kid has to be here every weekend. I haven’t been coming home because he always has to be here. We have to spend money for him all the time. Our house has become some place for babysitting. I’m frustrated with persona because this is her fault, she won’t contact his father, she doesn’t do crap and because of her BS, everyone else has to step up for her kid. My mom has asked why are you happy to see the other kids but not personas kid. I told her straight up, I’m tired of them too but at least they go back home. When he’s here he has stay every weekend. I feel like our house has been invaded, first it was person and now personas kid. I’m convinced family is the biggest people who take advantage of you. help me and AITA ? | AITA for not wanting to be around my cousin | NTA |
10t3bci | I (24m) have a neuromuscular auto immune disease. It basically means my muscles weaken the more I use them. My condition is now managed and I can do most things now but i cant work for a few reasons.Recently my parents were in an accident leaving them both deceased. I have a little brother (7m) that i took in after this. 7m is on the spectrum but so am I. So far his been easy to take care of, my condition doesn't flare up and me being on the spectrum helps me understand him better than probably anyone, and i think that's very important.For the record this isn't a financial burden on me. I live in government housing so its a stable home with cheap rent, my pension was already more than enough to live on just for me and i now get payments for him added on to my pension (As i said i get more than enough from my pension so i put this money into a bank account for him in the furture). Im also with a disability service funded by the government that fund support workers for me that help me get my brother in the door for his own disability support to fund things like therapy, speech therapy, autism specialists and basically any funding he needs for support (even grief counseling). My aunt on the other hand thinks i cant do it and wants me to give her custody. I absolutely refuse. My brother bearly knows her and im really the only trusted person he has now. She also doesn't "believe" in Autism, adhd and mental health. While I am disabled i dont think it is a detriment but an advantage, especially for a kid like my brother who needs understanding. Im sorry if i rambled or added unnecessary detail, im not quite sure what is and isn't relevant but feel free to ask any questions to get a clearer picture. AITA? | AITA for taking in my little brother even though Im disabled | NTA |
10t43an | My ex-wife and I are throwing a birthday party for our son at my house tomorrow afternoon. My ex asked me to buy beer for the adults, but I quit drinking in November 2022 and no longer keep any alcohol in my house. When I texted her about paying the bill for the supplies (food, water, juice, soda, etc.) she said "Let me know what I owe for half of everything except for soda. I don't drink soda, so I'm not paying for anybody else to drink soda." She's obviously trying to pick a fight over this. AITA for not supplying beer at my kid's party?Update - The party was great and not a single person complained about not having alcohol there. My ex, as much as it pained her, didn't complain and seemed to have a great time. | AITA for not supplying beer at my son's birthday party? | NTA |
10tx8yb | I’m a new Redditor to this subreddit, so I apologize if there are any errors. The other day, me and a couple of friends were playing a card game the our friend, Rachel (fake name) had brought. One thing that is necessary to know here, is that Rachel most likely has DID, or something along those lines, and it is clear they are not faking it. One of the alternatives that they have, we’ll call them Sarah, is much more emotional than Rachel, and can get upset much more easily. It is important in this story, as apparently a majority of this conversation was when Sarah was fronting (we didn’t know of this). It was a rather intense round, but we all were laughing while yelling at each other though, so it was a fun time. Then Sarah while grinning, proceeded to slam down a card, and make a move the we decided to not allow, since it wasn’t fair. I had tried to do it in the past and everyone, including her, said no. The rest of us immediately protested against this, and it started a rather heated debate, that most of us were laughing during (it’s a game). When I stated that “ hey I wasn’t allowed to do that before when I was trying to do it” they quickly responded with “do you seriously care that much about a past game that much?”. We ended up not allowing it, and we figured that it was just a funny, but heated debate we had. After all of us got home, however, Sarah sent us all a screenshot, saying that what they were trying to do was a fair play, on the game’s official page. We all kind of assumed that this was all in a light hearted manner, and was responding sarcastically. However, they BLEW UP. They called us “sore losers” and said “you all jumped in to try and prove that I’m stupid”. We never did such a thing, so we were all confused. We finally realized it was Sarah talking to us instead of Rachel, and after a while, we finally managed to get Rachel talking to us. All of us never said anything hostile, and only responded with really calm responses. Rachel started dming only me, and they still didn’t really understand why we weren’t allowing that play, especially since it was allowed on the official site. I explained that it was just how we played before, and to us it felt like cheating, and this conversation kept going back and forth. Eventually Sarah stepped in to the conversation again, and said that I should stop manipulating Rachel since I know they always say yes to everything. After that I decided to end the conversation since it was going nowhere. At the time I felt that I was in the right, but now I’m not so sure, as what they said is true, and it may just be my pettiness that is not allowing it to happen. Also it may have been our fault as 3 people, were arguing against 1 person and that may not have been fair. This isn’t the first time Sarah has thought really negatively about me, and so I’m worried I’ve done something wrong. | AITA for not allowing my friend to change a rule that we all already established? | NTA |
10to87k | A bit of background. I'm (25m) Indian, so expenses that might seem low for you as a western reader are a lot higher for me. My mother is a SAHM. She is unfortunately not financially independent. I landed my dream job 6 months ago, and divide my income 3 ways, a third going to investments, a third going to my personal expenses and savings and a third going all to her.Regarding the financial situation of our family, both me and my father earn well, but he recently took out an expensive insurance and I joined the labour force only recently, and haven't hit my savings goal yet.Coming to the issue, my cousin (26f) is getting married soon. She comes from a rather poor household and never owned any jewellery growing up. I zeroed in on a few beautiful and yet reasonably priced earrings and necklaces that cost anything between $300 - $400. It would be a bit of a stretch for me to fund it all by myself, so I made a mental note to ask my father to split the expense closer to the wedding date and gift it collectively as a family.I was shocked to learn today that my mother already collaborated with my cousin and her mother (my aunt) to choose a $900 jewellery for my cousin. What's worse is that she literally said, "It's a gift from me and (my name)" without even consulting with me in the first place. Now, she asked me to pay her $400 while she will be funding the rest from her own savings.While I can cover the expense if I really have to, it will put me in a vulnerable position for a month or two if an emergency expense comes up, so I told her that gifting my cousin a $900 piece is a terrible idea. However, my mom insists on gifting it. Both of us have extremely strong and dominant personalities, so I told her that I won't be paying a single penny of the 900 dollars while said that she'll burn all her savings on it if that's the last thing she does.I might have yet agreed to pay if I actually liked the necklace that was picked, but it's rather old fashioned while I prefer modern, sleek and elegant designs.I am aware of my mother's finances and can well understand that if she covers the entire expense herself, it would put her in quite a good amount of financial distress for at least a quarter, if not more. So, AITA? Should I help out with the expense? | AITA for telling my mother (52f) that I won't give her a single penny? | NTA |
10tua0y | During our Saturday morning shuffle, I (f35 AuDHD) was getting my family ready for a sledding activity that was on our calendar. We were all ready at home, just waiting for my dad to drop off my son after hockey practice. We have a rocky father/daughter relationship but he tries to be a better grandpa. So he was taking my son (11) to/from hockey practice, bringing him home, then my partner and I were taking our kids sledding. Sledding was a hockey team event and my son knew he could cancel going but wanted to change in between activities instead. No problem. As he’s getting ready, I’m trying to gather things by the door and my dad’s just standing there. He did not want to come sledding and had told us beforehand. He was playing a bit with my toddler, but I’d needed to work around him as he stood at the door. I was feeling anxious trying to cue him I am done visiting and need to get out the door. So I tried to speak this. I said ‘I’m feeling anxious, as you’re in way of the door. Did you need anything else from me - or you just visiting with the toddler?’ He walked out. He just turned around and left. Ignored my calls and text. Eventually he told me he was disrespected when I said ‘he was in the way’ and he needs to exit situations that cause him to feel disrespected. He refuses to see how he hurt me by walking out the door and feels his anxiety when I speak to him ‘that way’ makes me difficult. So AITA for telling him he was making me anxious from standing at the door as we were trying to leave? | AITA When I told my dad he was causing me anxiety standing in the doorway he walked away, drove away, has ignored me except to say he was disrespected. | YTA |
10tvmjn | I’ve been best friends with this person for almost 10 years now and it’s always been great. But for about a year now I’ve noticed stuff changing. They were diagnosed with autism which is fine and I do not care about at all but since he was diagnosed he’s started being really difficult to deal with. He always has to be right and even whenever he’s wrong he’ll be persistent that he’s right and then get pissed off.To give an example: the other day we were talking abt sitcoms and I brought up “the good place” he said that the good place wasn’t a sitcom and when I said it was he googled it (he wanted to prove he was right) Google said that it was a sitcom and he tried to argue that me and google were wrong and he was right.I’ve mentioned before that it’s annoying that he always has to be right and he said “it’s because I am always right and you’re just stupid”. The thing that rlly bugs me abt him is that every time I say anything critics abt him he always responds with “it’s because of my autism” but if it was then he would’ve have always behaved that way.Sometimes I think abt lashing out and telling him how much of a dick he is but if I did it would be awkward as we go to a club together and get rides with each others parents. I feel like I would be an asshole for lashing out because it’s autistic and we’ve been friends for so long so idk. WIBTA? | WIBTA for lashing out at my bsf | YWBTA |
10tq9tp | I’m 15, female. I want to start this off by saying i’m incredibly grateful for anything i’ve received and i’m not trying to sound like a brat. I have two siblings. My brother has been taken to football games abroad multiple times, (by himself, with my dad) My sister was taken on multiple solo trips (My dad, mom) To Disneyland, Bahamas etc. What do i get? Nothing. For christmas my brother got a phone, sister abt 200 lego sets, me some skincare sets. I’m very grateful for this by the way. I just feel like im not being given equal opportunities as my siblings. So I jokingly said in a conversation with my parents that i’m the last favorite, of course they take offenese to this and say i’m spoiled and should be more grateful.. So, AITA for accusing my parents of having favorite children? Sorry if i sound really spoiled, ik this post isn’t interesting i just wanted to get it off my chest | AITA for thinking i’m the least favourite child?? | NTA |
10tphcn | I (F16) am biracial. My dad (M42) is African American and my mom (F39) is Asian of Japanese descent. Both of her parents were from Japan. Neither of her parents liked me or my dad. I know why, he knows why. My mom pretends to be clueless because it's her family, but I feel that she knows why secretly. She still expected us to visit her racist dad at his deathbed and we did.So I grew up visiting these people. Not because I wanted to, but because I had to. And even though my dad was well aware they're racist, he still forced himself to go with us and told me to just be appreciative they "wanted" to see us, which really we were treated poorly by them. They were always upbeat around my full-blooded Asian or white & Asian mixed cousins, but they liked to talk down on me, criticized me a lot, made jokes about black or dark-skinned people in general, and just acted weird around me. This is how they've always been, ever since I was a little girl.Well, like I said, my mom made us visit her dad in the hospital before he did. Neither of us liked this AH. And just a few days ago, my mom's mother died, and she wanted us to go with her to visit her like we did her dad. Well, my dad went, but I ended up getting in a HUGE argument with my mom, making it clear that I didn't want to see her mom. She kept asking why and telling me that I was being hateful, and I explained in-detail about the reason she should already know. Again, she wanted to pretend they weren't like that, but she knew well how they were. I was firm about putting my foot down and not going. I came to a point where I shouted at my mom, saying I don't give a shit about her mom or if she dies. That's where the conversation died out and they just left.My mom's mother is dead and 6 ft. under by now since that was weeks ago, but my mom and I are NOT on good terms. We might live in the same house, but we're pretending to be strangers. We haven't talked at all, and when I mean we haven't talked, not a word spoken.I know what I said was messed up, but I'm old enough to choose whether or not I want to see the woman who made fun of me for my skin color during her last moments. There came a point where I got tired of it.AITA? | AITA for not visiting my mom's mother at her deathbed? | NTA |
10snd3t | Me (28M) and my soon-to-be-wife Phoebe (27F) have been dating for 4 years.We’ve a quite amazing relationship to be honest.We were at a mutual friend's funeral, George (27M). The three of us met at college and we basically became buddies from the get go. None of us are archeologists by the way. Our BA was Business administration.A couple of weeks ago we were at George’s funeral service, most of the time just us with his family. We were the only ‘outsiders’ there. Phoebe, completely out of the blue, started to talk about archaeology to George’s mother.**TL;DR:** She started talking about some obscure South American indigenous mummies.In detail, she talked about about an ancient native boy who was found buried with a purposefully punctured (broken) “antara” flute next to his mouth, that they called a “killed instrument” as it was meant to never be played by anyone else, in the same way it was played once by its owner. The flute was made of stone called “combarbalita”, which means it was meant to last through generations, so it had to be broken on purpose. She talked about a connection between the flute and its owner being buried together, and the idea that the instrument was willfully broken in order to bring the instrument closer to his owner in eternity, achieving immortality for both of them by that irreversible action of breaking an instrument that was meant to last forever.​I’m basically paraphrasing but that was the idea. I can use some of her fancy words because she literally air dropped the article she was talking about, right there at the service. I’m wasting characters on this just so you know how obscure the conversation was.I get the idea. I get the intention. It is interesting… for a college class. In the context of a funeral for our dear friend, however, I thought it was out of pocket and sort of distasteful, disrespectful, to talk about that.George’s mother was polite and she asked some questions but she was mostly quiet just listening to Phoebe talking non-stop. Then, George’s father and brother approached us and she was about to start to tell them the whole damn story once again. I quietly said “Please don’t…” she was about to start rambling so I told her “just shut the f\*ck up, please”.She didn’t speak to me for that entire evening. We talked about it later, back in our place and I explained why I reacted that way. She said “ gotcha, you’re fine” but she has acted differently to me since that day. One of my friends told me that I ‘broke’ her and it does feel that way. It’s almost like she’s a robot and her software it’s malfunctioning. Tension is high for both of us and George’s death hit us hard on both of us, so IDK if I’m missing something. AITA?**Edit:** I’m asking IF I AM the asshole here. **Don’t call my fiancé “crazy” or derogatory words.** That’s out of place and I’m not here for that shit. I’m deleting this if you keep atacking her. | AITA for telling my fiancée to shut the hell up and stop talking about archaeology at a funeral? | NTA |
10sj8v8 | I (24m) am throwing my own birthday dinner for my family and close friends this weekend. I'm moving out of state next week and wanted to hang out one last time with my entire family. However, I specifically told me older sister(35f) that under no circumstances is she to bring my nephew (8m) to the party. Here why:1. My gf is on medication and has gained a considerable amount of weight due it and he has taken to calling her "fatty" every single chance he gets. This is something she's very insecure about I know it hurts her feelings. 2. The kid doesn't know how to share. If there is a dish on the dining table he likes he empties the entire bowl on to his plate and throws a tantrum if someone tries to take some off his plate. One time I was hanging out with him, my sister and my my mum, I had exactly 5 left over macaroons so everyone could at least eat one. He grabbed the box and eat of all them completely ignoring me when I told me he had to share. Almost every person in my family has tried to tell my sister that her son's behavior is not acceptable and her only response now is that 'i can't help it, he doesn't listen' or 'he's just a kid, he'll grow out of it' So I told her you either come alone to the party or don't come at all but I don't want your kid there. Of course this led to her calling me immature and I didn't care. However, it wasn't until my mom pointed out that I was a grown man excluding a kid from a party that I started feeling that maybe i was overreacting.I still don't want him at the party, what do you think? Aita for excluding him?Also sorry if there are any grammatical errors, english is not my first language. | AITA for not inviting my 8y old nephew to my birthday dinner? | NTA |
10tkeyb | My kid's (lucky kid) has a a trip to Europe planned, with a large group. His tour will take him to city that I always wanted to see in Central Europe. My dad got word that we were going to meet our kid there and asked if he can come along. My dad's a great guy. No drama. No conflict. My wife's wonderful too. So, not your typical AITA post. But here's the deal. My dad's in his 80's. He has some dietary restrictions. Generally, he makes little to no effort to plan or learn the language, which puts me in charge of daily activities, including meal time, transportation (car rental-Uber. Also, the third wheel thing. The wife and I have been looking forward to a proper post Covid trip and taking an elderly parent, isn't exactly the ideal couple's trip. Now, here's where I might be TA. This might be my dad's last chance to go to Europe. He's a widower. He really doesn't have anyone else to travel with. He's been a great dad to me, there's no drama and it really pains me to think about telling him 'no,' no matter how sound my reasoning is. Go easy on me Reddit. I just want to do the right thing.Edit 1: we’ve taken my dad to Europe twice beforeEdit 2: he has no significant physical symptoms, he would require assistance in interacting with anyone outside the family once he has left the international airport. | WIBTA if I went to Europe without my father and instead making it a couple's trip? | YTA |
10slcdf | When my wife (28F) and I (32M) were still dating, we had this thing where we said, before every anniversary, we would "divorce" each other so we could "get married again" and go on another honeymoon. We've actually been doing this for the past 3 years; I have a reminder on my calendar named "prepare for divorce" 6 months before, which is around when I start booking flights, thinking about taking time off, etc.. Kind of silly, but yeah. A while back, we were out with a few of her friends. At some point in the night, I excused myself, but left my phone on the table. I noticed after I got back that one of her friends (K), who's normally pretty okay with me since we play games together, was strangely cold to me, but I thought they might just have been tired.Long story short, the reminder *just* happened to pop while I was away and K saw it. They then started telling all of my wife's friends and met up with my wife to "tell her the bad news". She was equal parts confused and embarrassed, but eventually cleared the misunderstanding up.I was/am quite unhappy with K for violating my privacy and not trying to clarify the situation before blowing it up. My wife understands where I'm coming from, but says K was just trying to protect her. K thinks that I'm an idiot for having something like that on my phone, and is refusing to apologise. My wife's friends are kind of split.AITA? | AITA for making my wife's friends think we were getting divorced? | NTA |
10tro2f | let's start with the family tree, because it gets useful later. my grandpa and grandma have 6 children (3 males, 3 females). all of them are married and have their own families. two years ago, my grandpa died. and ever since then my grandma's health has been deteriorating.everyone lives within 20 mins range of grandma's apartment, except us (me, my siblings, dad and mom who is her daughter). we live in the same building but different floor. so mom takes care of grandma on a daily basis from 7am till 6pm she comes back home. same thing even before grandpa died. anyways, a year ago, my cousin who grew up living at my grandma's because it's closer to her uni and eventually work, got married. and thus she left grandma's apartment. so ever since then, my uncles and aunts put up a weekly schedule to know who sleeps during the night at my grandma's. they agreed that each one of them(5) sleeps a night, while my sister sleeps two nights and mom takes care of her during the day.i don't think any of this is fair at all but okay.then hakf a year ago, my uncle had an accident at work and he was bedridden for a month because of many fractured ribs. and he is still mentally and emotionally not ready to even do the basic things. we understand that. but shouldn't one of his children come sleep instead of him? not at all. they only show their faces when there is an occasion where grandma invites everyone over a feast.this left me sleeping over once a week. and honestly it would be bearable to do so if she didn't fall between my arms a month ago and was blamed for it for it by certain family members (guess who? lmao). not just that, but my grandma is so hard to deal woth especially if she doesn't show you affection or love or gratitude. she doesn't let me kiss her head, or hold her, and she keeps judging every single thing i do. she isn't pleased by anything i do, not just me but my mom and sister as well. but whenever these brats show up for a free meal three times a year, she's all smiley and lovey-dovey and it fucking hurts.and if you dare say anything about it, you can't hear the end of it at all, especially when my aunt is paying my tuition fees because im unemployed and my parents barely manage to get by.so WIBTA if tomorrow i tell them i don't want to sleep over and take care of grandma? | WIBTA if i refuse to take care of grandma? | YTA |
10ssnau | So today I'm flying back to my home city just to spend time with my friends on saturday. We're 7 and it takes forever to plan anything with everyone now that we started having partners and kids. So I told them 2 months in advance that I'm coming. They all put down the date and we started planning. Everyone is excited.On to the problem. Today one of my friends said she can't come anymore because her partner is going out with his friends and they don't have a babysitter for their 3 kids. His excuse you ask?? He saw that she had put down the date in their calender, but didn't put a time, so he just assumed he could spend the whole day with his friends. In what world is that okay? And then she continues to say that it's not the first time, and she has to choose her battles in her marriage. Some backstop, because this isn't their only problem. He literally has the same punishment as the kids if he doesn't pick up and clean after himself. He calls it "babysitting" his own kids. He will not put the kids to bed, because there is always a game to watch. And cooking and cleaning is just that magically happens. And probably a lot more I don't remember or know about.So I called her and we had a long chat, where I told her it's about time she left him. She said she would think about it. But then a couple of hours later I get a screaming phone call from him, calling me all sorts of names for involving myself in their marriage. I pretty much said "Well, this phone call pretty much proves my point on you being the 4th child" and then hung up.Yes I know it's not my marriage, but I'm so sick of hearing about their problems and never seeing her anymore. She needs to know she has support when she finally figures it out AITA? | AITA for telling my friend to get a divorce? | NTA |
10tsgck | So, I just started a new position as GM and was debating whether to take it because I have such bad ADD and Executive Dysfunction. My kids supported me to give it a shot initially (my kids are grown but we still live together sharing expenses). I've been working 13 to 20 hour days/7 days a week to start and still have to keep texting work or taking calls when I'm home. One evening, one of my kids asked me if I am salary or hourly, and I told her that I am paid hourly. She lectured me that it's wage theft to work off the clock and basically demanded that I turn off my phone so that we can watch the movie I promised to watch with her that evening. I explained to her that I can't do that as I am the GM and there is no 'off the clock' or whatever as I am the main person with all the responsibility now. She got really angry with me, but I was angry too because I felt that she wasn't supporting me as she initially had encouraged me to take the position.Later, after my back and forth texting with work ended, I started watching a TV show with my other kid. My daughter came back to see if I would watch the movie with her and I said, "Yes once this episode ends. However, I fell asleep as I always do after eating and having a carb crash. When I woke up, the program was still on but it was on a new episode. My daughter came in and was infuriated that 2 hours had passed and that she had been waiting to watch the movie with me. I apologized and said I had fell asleep and forgot (my forgetfulness is amplified to the nth degree with the lack of sleep I have been getting).My daughter was pissed and went to her room, but I never went to apologize because I was pissed too that she was being so demanding and not supporting me. Now she hasn't spoken to me in a week, and I know I should go apologize for breaking my promise but should I??? I'm still pissed that she was being so demanding and not supporting me. Like, you're a grown ass adult. WTF?!AITA for neglecting family time given my new position, extreme tiredness and lack of support?Edit: Just editing to add that I usually always make time for my kids as my room is the living room with no privacy and is where everyone congregates immediately when I wake up and get home, even though I'm an extreme introvert. | AITA for not watching a movie with my kid? | YTA |
10u1q7c | Hi. Me (17 18 in june) have been in the dating stage with this girl I really like, (17 18 in march) for a little over a month now. We've been on 2 public dates so far, one to get lunch, and then hung out blasting music in her car for a couple hours, and two went to a skating rink with her for a couple of hours. Now this next week I would like to go to this parade with her and meet her mom, and then later to go to her house for a few hours and meet her siblings and get to know them, and hang out alone for the first time. Right? sounds fine! Wrong. My mom believes it's too soon! Let me bring in another statement. My ex, who I jumped into a relationship with after a week of talking and meeting. My mother meets my ex and a week later let's me go over to her house. We decided we were official that first date. SO Not rushing things. Nextly she believes me and her should become official before we hang out alone. No. thats not how this works, I should not have to date somebody after a month of knowing them to hang out. The whole reason is so I can determine whether or not I should fully commit to this! I really like her but, every time we hang out my mom wants to know our every location and every place. Another thing is, we live in a dangerous city, however she lives in a town over THAT IS SUBURBS hardly any crime. So why is she so pressed about it? I completely understand her concern but am very uncomfortable with how she is going about it. I feel as though I can't even live. I never ask for anything. I've only ever had 2 friends sleep over 1 time each in my entire life living with her. My dad was much less tense about that. I've only asked for a few things and a few times to be with friends. And each time she watches my location and needs to make sure I don't move. She will watch my location to make sure it's not on the car, and if it is, she says "I don't like where your phone is pinging" She's always done this with my previous relationships. And the girl I'm talking to says she feels as though she's talking to me and my mom. AITA??? | AITA My mother won't give me the freedom I need | NTA |
10tg8ig | I 22 f am in a relationship with (let's call him X 23 m). My boyfriend and I used to live together for a year before he went back to his hometown due to constant fights... I was alone so a made some friends and became extremely independent. Normally he lives 10 hours away and he used to visit once every 2 months for 3-4 days . This went for 6 months... He was 2 hours away a couple days back so he wanted to surprise me by visiting suddenly. Incidentally I made plans for a night out with some friends the same day.. I work from home and rarely leave the house, maybe once or twice a month. He called and asked where I was , I said I was about to leave with some friends. He said he was at my door. I was just five minutes away. I said I am coming back. He said there was no need and blocked my calls.. I texted him for half an hour with no response so I went back to my place while my friends waited. He answered after half an hour saying he was now with a friend 2 minutes away and will be back by 1/2 an hour. By this time I got bit upset and angry and said I was leaving. He said ok... It was a 4 hour round trip. Once I left I immediately regretted but I couldn't ask my friends to turn back and spoil their trip too... I came back and he said he left... We've been fighting ever since.... AITA here? | AITA for standing up my long time boyfriend for a friends night out after he travelled 3 hours to meet me.. ? | NTA |
10twlsz | English is not my first language and I am typing this on mobile, so sorry for grammar mistakes!I (F26) got into a fight with my best friend (M23) 2 days ago. Possibly relevant: I have BPD and he has depression.We both live on our own, one street apart. We usually spend all our time together, unless to work and sleep, and always eat dinner together.Our work schedules don't line up, since I work nightshifts from 11PM till 7AM, and he works morning shifts from 9AM till 6PM. Our time together is less now, so to make up for it, when I have to work, my best friend usually walks me to the station, which is a 10 to 15 minute walk from our houses, and picks me up once I am done.It might be a simple, short walk, but I value that time spent together, so it is important to me, which he knows. Something I also have to mention here, is that I have a big problem with people who promise stuff, but don't follow up with it. This comes from my childhood, mainly my dad, who always made promises, yet never followed through. He also abandoned me in my childhood, after he divorced my mom.My best friend knows about this and knows I hate fake promises and feeling forgotten/abandoned. Every time he drops me off at the station, I ask him if he will pick me up after my shift and he always promises me he will. Sometimes I even double-ask. And he double reassures me.The problem is, my best friend is really forgetful and has a hard time doing basic tasks, due to his depression. Such as making appointments, remembering them and attending them and the biggest of all; my friend really struggles with being on time. He has a habit to sleep in a lot, not hearing his alarm clocks and he is often late for things.Because of this, it has happened numerous times already that, once I get out of the train, he isn't there. So then I walk home alone and feel sad/angry/hurt (depending on my mood, because my BPD is unpredictable). He now only shows up about 30% of the time.When I ask why he wasn't there, it's always: Lost his glasses, his alarms didn't go off, or wrong time, phone wasn't charging. With every time he is not there, my hurt grows.2 days ago, he forgot to pick me up again and I absolutely lost it this time. I got really angry and told him that it is important to me and that he keeps hurting me by not showing up. He said sorry and that he is trying his best, which I know, but I didn't accept the apology this time and kept being angry. This made him angry too and he said I am always nitpicking on him, being hard on him and the fight escalated. I accused him of things, he accused me of things and it got pretty nasty and it ended with him saying he doesn't want to be friends anymore. It's been 2 days and I haven't seen him, nor spoken to him and I really wanna make up. I want to know if I was the A-hole for flipping on him when he didn't show up.I will accept any judgment you give me and take responsibility. | AITA for exploding on my best friend after he forgot to pick me up again? | YTA |
10to1vz | My boyfriend and I have been dating for one year. We don’t currently live together but have talked about it for the future. I live with my daughter from a previous relationship.I see my boyfriend a few nights a week, mostly when I don’t have my daughter, but occasionally he comes over when I have her. She’s becoming more comfortable with him and it’s all going well in that regards.We’ve fallen into the routine of him coming to my house to spend time and sleepover. I actually prefer my place as it seems easier for him to bring his stuff than vice versa. He said he is okay with this. I’ve noticed that since he spends more time at mine, we are going through a lot more of my groceries for meals and I am usually the one cooking as it is my house.I’ve recently gone through some changes at work where my hours have been reduced and I am looking to cut back on expenses. He knows this. I spoke to him and asked if there could be a way forward where we could split the costs of cooking of meals and take turns to cook when we do meet up. He agreed. He had planned to cook for my daughter and I tonight. He made homemade chicken nuggets and chips (fries). All was good and I was happy with that. Then I asked him if he had brought the chips from his house and he said no, he used the ones in my freezer.I don’t know why but this really rubbed me the wrong way. The whole part of taking turns was that I didn’t have to buy all the food. Also the fact that he didn’t ask to use those and I was planning on using them for my daughter and I later in the week.WIBTA if I tell him that this bothered me and that I want him to actually purchase all the ingredients (not including pantry basics like salt) when it’s his turn to cook? | WIBTA if I ask my boyfriend to pay for all the meal ingredients if it’s his night to cook dinner? | NTA |
10tq3up | This is something I was extremely uncomfortable with but did anyway. Maybe because I felt an obligation b/c my friend was so distraught...I don't know. I have a friend who got started dating very late in life for our area. (22)Lost her virginity to a one-night-stand at 25. When I met her at trade school she was 26.She threw herself into these impossible situations where it was obvious to me she was being used as a "side piece" or "booty call" but convinced herself the men she had "encounters" with were her "boyfriends" or "almost-boyfriends/potential mates."She had no socials, so she'd asked me to log into mine and look the men up so she could peruse their pages for Intel, I guess, on what they were up to and why they weren't calling her back. I very reluctantly did this, as I hoped seeing these men were involved with other women or already in public LTRs would help her move on. It usually just made her mad.If one was in a class I had she didn't, she'd ask me to "observe & report back" to her on their behavior: Were they into other girls in the class? Did the flirt? Did they ever talk about her? If she didn't have class on a day that I and one of her "fellas" did, she'd ask me to look for their car in the parking lot. I guess to "make sure" they weren't "up to something else" when they were supposed to be at school.I did this, too, and hated it. One of her, erm, "suitors" lived in an apartment complex she couldn't remember the location of. It was near me, so when she asked if I knew where it was I told her. Innocent enough, right?Big mistake. She wanted to conduct a "stake out" on his place.I absolutely drew the line at going with her to sit in her car camped out in front of her latest obsession's apartment to monitor the comings and goings outside his door, particularly those of the female variety. That was just TOO FAR.But I fear I set her up to believe I would actually help do this because of my prior complacent behavior.AITA for caving & helping her "spy" on her prospective boyfriends earlier, no matter how reluctant I was to do so? | AITA for helping my friend "spy" on her "prospective boyfriends?" | NTA |
10ty6ca | I (21 F) Despise my father. He is a losey piece of crap. He was rarely there in our lives, and would rather have laid up under women then take care of his children. There is so many traumatic things that I went through as a child that no child should have to go through. One that is involved in the story is that I was put in fostercare from the age of 15 to a few months before my 17th birthday. It was awful, and the family that was supposed to be the closest to me abandonded me. (My fathers side of the family) I've tried to move forward with my life with my new partner and I had to move away for my own mental health away from my fathers side of the family. I hate them for what they have done to me.Although I saw these things about my father, I try my best to keep a relationship with him. I guess it's because the little girl inside of me still wants to still have her father in her life..One day, my father and I had a conversation. I don't know how the topic was brought up, but he had asked me multiple times if he was a good father. I just said yes so he'd leave me alone, because I knew that If I said no, he'd ask for a whole story as to why. Most of the things he have done to me was when he was drunk. (he was in and out of sobriety for a few years now). He started talking about how he wanted to have another child because me and my siblings do not really like him. I am only somewhat close to one of my siblings. Mind you, he was hoping back and forth between putting little effort in taking care of me and my brother, and my other brother and sister (They have a differnt mom) My brothers are 5 weeks apart and have the same name (named after him) so you can tell what type of man he is. He said that having another child he could do right by them. I flat out told him that taking care of a child is not as easy as it seems. It's not just about sending them money. (he never changed my diapers as a kid because he doesnt change girls) He needed to change their diaper, dress them, take them to appointments, take them to school, mold them into proper functioning people, Everything he didn't do with any of my siblings and I. The conversation was left sour.Well, a few weeks ago my father sent me a text message after trying to call. I ignored the call. He asked if i remembered when I was younger when I told him I could have a younger sister. I vaugly remembered him telling me this after telling me of his various flings. She said he wasn't the father and he moved on with his life. Well, the woman he slept with contacted him and told him he is infact the father of the child. My father was estatic. I simply said that he should get a DNA test to be sure, if this woman lied once, she could lie again! He then sent me a picture of the girl, saying that she looks just like me. i have to admit, there were small features, but again, i rheitorated that he needed to get a DNA test just to be sure. A few days later, he sent me pictures of him meeting the girl! Talking about how he was going to spoil and treasure her after finding his new daughter. This pissed me off. My father calls me all the time complaining about how child support is taking so much of his money away. ((It's well deserved because he never paid it he owes my mom her money)) He complains that any time I ask him for a little help getting myself situated, he doesn't have it, but he can buy my other sister $500 wigs and my brother a beam for his guns. He took my siblings to a 49rs game, but couldn't loan me $50 to help for bills when I was behind.This infuriated me beyond belief. My aunt says its because I used to be his favorite but thats far from the truth. Now my grandmother and aunt are involved. My grandmother called me today saying she was going to go see the girl. Aparently, she is in a group home now, (Her mother lost custody of her and she had behavior issues so her grandmother can no longer care for her) After the visit, my grandmother called me saying that that girl is her grandbaby and she acts just like me. She says she likes to draw, watch anime,((like every teenager born in the 21st century)) smiles, talks, and looks like me. She showed me pictures of her art, she was estatic. She said that althought the girl is in the system, she has a support system now. I always watned to scream. These people that completely abandonded me in foster care are going to help her! Where was that at when I was in foster care bouncing from home to home! I was so angry. I held my tounge. My grandmother started talking about me to the girl and said I was excited to meet her. I again said you should get a DNA test just to be sure!​Regardless of what your gut thinks, something could always be different. Plus, why put this girl through this thinking she may have another family and it turns out we are not her paternal family. So are they going to abandon her after they find out? My grandmother said I should see her and I declined. I said, "I am not going to speak with her until I know for sure she is my sister, and even if she was my sister, why is that my responsibility to form a relationship with her when I don't have a relationship with my other siblings because of my fathers lack of control?" She got quiet and we eventually ended the call. My father and aunt called me jealous and not wanting to share my fathers attention, but i feel like no one is thinking about this situation logically and the effects that this could have on that child.Am I missing something? AITA??? | AITA For being realistic about the possibility of having another sister? | NTA |
10tuhjz | I (20f) met this girl (17f) three years ago in a summer camp as volunteers. We had a lot in common and immediately hit it off. What surprised me was that the age difference was not actually a problem. We were both interested in books, the same kind of music... Of course, we had a lot to talk about and spent a lot of time together. Even after the camp we texted every day for almost a year. After that maybe once in two weeks and now it is maybe once a month. We would also meet maybe twice a year, as we live only half an hour from each other.Actually, I never considered us to be close friends. I spent more time with my friends from elementary school (even though we weren't studying at the same school anymore) than with her. Maybe it wasn't nice of me, but she was more of an acquaintance to me.As time passed, we both changed significantly. She is into metal music now and came to love horses. That's basically all she talks about now. I don't like metal and for some reason, I am actually a bit scared of horses so I don't feel comfortable talking about them. In addition, she got bored of all the common interests that we used to have. So, our conversation usually consists of her sending me links for various metal songs and asking for my opinion or sending me pictures of horses, or just talking about something connected to it. On the other hand, when I try to tell her about something, she turns the conversation back to herself. In the end, I just nod and ask questions when she starts with her "monologue". I have told her multiple times that I am not knowledgeable or interested in these topics. But nothing changes.The problem is that she invited me to go out with her next weekend. I have already told her that I can't a few times last year, but she always asks again. I don't see a point in meeting up anymore. In my opinion, we both grew up and our interests changed completely and we are not compatible anymore. I have tried to give her hints (saying that I don't have time to meet a few times in a row or never being the first one to text) but nothing works. I am actually an introverted people pleaser so I couldn't bring myself to tell her directly and used these childish ways to imply that I am not really interested. I hoped that our friendship will naturally fizzle out. WIBTA if I told her that I can't meet her and hoped that she would get the hint?TLDR: we used to be friends but now we don't have anything in common, but she still wants to meet sometimes, but I am not interested. | WIBTA if I (20f) did not go to meet my friend (17f) because I do not have anything to talk to her about anymore? | NTA |
10t8k0r | To give you guys context, I am a fifteen year old boy. I have mild autism and can’t realistically get a job at the moment due to schooling. My mother and I live in a small apartment with her three other kids. They are my half siblings and get treated way better than I do. They always get the newest clothing, best devices etc. My father died when I was young. My mom remarried and had kids, and tragically my stepdad who was actually a great guy died two years ago. My mom has always been tight with money, It’s understandable, but we aren’t poor. She buys upgrades for everyones phones (but mine) every year. I keep my mouth shut because I always assume that she doesn’t have the money for me. I dont mind, im fine with my iPhone 8, (My little brothers old phone that’s cracked) its not activated like my other siblings but I can still play fun games. Back to the topic, I am very socially inept due to my disability and it’s hard for me to talk to people I dont know. I also have a hard time picking up on social hints. All my clothes are usually handmedown from my father or she buys from goodwill or a thrift shop. I don’t complain because it makes me feel closer to my dad sometimes. This all boils down to yesterday. Yesterday I went shopping with my family. During the whole trip I kept quiet like I usually do, I dont like speaking up much or asking for things because I understand my mom is tight with money. However, my siblings all got some new clothes and shoes, they got them from the nike shop. I didnt complain or ask for anything. When we went to Walmart for groceries, there were these really cool pair of halloween socks. I love halloween, it’s my favorite holiday. So I asked my mom for them. To sum everything up, she blew up at me in Walmart. Calling me ungrateful, saying she wish she’d never had me, calling me an asshole for asking for things I knew she wouldn’t buy. My siblings then started calling me an asshole and I began crying. I haven’t spoken with them today because I feel really bad. I wouldn’t of asked if I was gonna be blown up at but then again im really confused. Why did she buy my siblings stuff and not buy me anything? So AITA? | AITA for asking my mom for some new socks | NTA |
10se02s | I'm a newly divorced dad of a 3 year old girl. I have her every other week.My daughter has very curly hair that my ex wife used to take care of. Now that I'm alone with her half the time, I have to figure it out. I try but on my weeks her hair was mostly a frizzy, tangled mess.A teacher at my daughter's daycare has very similar hair to my daughter's so I asked if she could help me with my daughter's hair. She said she could do my daughter's hair in the mornings if I dropped her off earlier (dropoff starts at 8, I usually drop her off at 8:45 but her teacher says if I drop her off by 8:20 she'll be able to take care of her hair). She gave me a list of curly hair products to buy and what to bring to school. She also gave me some tips for washing and caring for it at home.I guess my daughter told my ex that her teacher does her hair, not me, and that she goes to daycare early now because my ex called me and asked if I really drop her off a half hour early every morning just so I could "avoid doing her hair". She called me a bad parent for "relying on a teacher to do my job" and for messing up the morning routine so we could get to school early enough for the teacher to do her hair (we used to wake up, give her a bath, I'd attempt to do her hair, we'd have breakfast, then go to school but now we wake up, take a bath, and eat breakfast in the car).I thought I was doing right by making sure her hair is cared for on my weeks but my ex feels very strongly about this so I wanted to know if I was the asshole.Edit: I'm going to add some things to the post that I'm seeing in the comments. I am learning how to care for her hair. Her hair is healthier now than it was a few weeks ago. I have her hair down on the weekends because I still suck at styling it but it still looks good. The teacher really seems to enjoy doing her hair. I know she does other kids' hair but it's not exactly a set thing. Lastly, my ex was not willing to teach me how to do her hair when we were married and is not willing to teach me after the divorce. | AITA for dropping my daughter off at daycare early so her teacher could do her hair? | YTA |
10tdglh | So about two years back, my friend (24 at the time) texted me (would've been 26, F) to let me know they were coming through my city on their way to see their parents. I was super excited because I hadn't kept in contact with any other people from college, and there are reasons for that, but it was extremely isolating living in a state where I had nobody. This friend had been a pre-law student who took a gap year that just sort of turned into year-round bouldering. The last time I had seen them was right when they departed on their trip, and in hindsight, I should have remembered how badly that visit had gone, but I can't emphasize enough just how lonely I was. I was so looking forward to a little gossip, wine, maybe some trips to nearby attractions once I got off work in the evenings...At the time, I had a full-time job, and an apartment with a roommate whose relationship with me was tenuous. My one request of former roommate was basically, "Don't let your boyfriend live here," and we had a huge falling out when she couldn't abide that.Point being, we weren't on super comf terms at any point while living together.So this friend--let's call them JT--texted me the day before they were supposed to arrive at the apartment and let me know they think they have a UTI. They also told me they'd stay for three days. Because of the UTI, we weren't really able to do anything aside from go to the grocery store, which is fine; it's just kind of weird to be stuck in a tiny apartment with a person you haven't spoken to regularly for years. But I did try. I asked if they needed a ride to urgent care and offered to pick up any food or drugs needed. The answer was always no.Around day 5, I started getting antsy. This is when I started to remember that JT had pulled this exact same stunt last time they visited, except then it had been an issue with a laptop that they needed resolved, and the visit ended up lasting almost two weeks.As I mentioned before, I was already not on great terms with my roommate due to HER "visitor" abusing his 5-consecutive-days limit. I still have anxiety about lease laws after unintentionally incurring a large fine against a friend when I was young and dumb. I bluntly expressed my fears to JT when they texted me while I was at work, asking why I'd been acting weird. The response was immediate and cold. They said they would go get a hotel room and just slide the spare key under the apartment door. I spoke with them while they were recovering (I think it took three more days?) and driving down to parents, just to make sure they got there safely, but have not heard from them since. They told me they had a bladder infection, and honestly, sometimes I wonder if that was just a lie to make me feel guilty for standing my ground.AITA for not allowing homeless friend to stay in my apartment indefinitely while they recovered? | AITA for kicking sick friend out of my apartment? | NTA |
10tea0v | A few weeks ago my partner was sick and had a high temp, he was feeling sick so I told him that if he felt like he needed to he should go to the doctors but it hadn't gone over 40 but if it did I would call an ambulance. I was worried, but he only had a temperature and flu symptoms. My partners sister called him telling him to call an ambulance because over 40 is deadly and he needs to go to hospital or he could die, this of course freaked my partner out and decided to go to the hospital which I put into the family group chat. My partner gets to the hospital and they are busy they said not an emergency so there will be a few hours wait to be seen and if he wants to wait then he can but there's not much they can do, my partner stays in the hospital for 2 hours and hasn't been seen, he's feeling the same but not worse so he decided to go home, he puts it in the group chat to update everyone and his sister went off saying that his brain is going to boil, he could have seizures and die ect. And starts calling him names such as an idiot. This didn't sit right with me because my partner has insecurities about whether he is not as smart as everyone else and its something we've been working through but none mentioned anything or pulled her up on it so I decided to sleep it off to see if I was overreacting but the next morning it still didn't sit right with me so I replied to her saying 'hey I know you were worried about your brother but that was a bit much, I mean the situation was under control so it feels a bit uncalled for', this sent her in a rage and she started messaging me a wall of texts saying how he's her brother and I wasn't taking it seriously, I should know it's life threatening, she called him an idiot because she cares for him and I have no place saying how she talks to her brother, it was taken way out of context, how I shouldn't pick a fight with her over her caring for her brother ect. I replied saying that I get she was stressed and I never intended to start a fight but that I won't not speak up about things that my partner mentions hurts him and only mentioned it because it does affect my partner. Since she has completely been ignoring me in person, we had a family BBQ a few weeks after and she ignored all my attempts to talk to her, my partner then pulled her up on it and she said nothing. The day after my partners other sister said she spent the whole time messaging her at the BBQ complaining about me and she has been messaging me to start conversation and then ignores my replies. My partner says he wants to distance himself from her because of the way she is acting and some other stuff his other sister told him she said (he hasnt told me) but I feel like it is my fault for causing a rift.Tldr; SiL called partner an idiot and I told her it was too far and now she is ignoring me and badmouthing me to family, now partner wants to distance himself from her for how she is treating meAita?Edit: I forgot ages me and my partner are both 25 his sister is 30Also his temp never reached 40 even though it got really close | AITA for telling my SiL not to call my partner an idiot? | NTA |
10tfzqd | My and my friend arranged a meeting at westgate at 12, at shoryu (a restaurant) It is now 13:01 and I am honestly frustrated, however she did tell me it was due to traffic. I believe her, but I also did tell her to leave early due to traffic. I left my house at 11 to be there (I live 15 mins away) and she left at 11:45 (she lives 20 mins away)We agreed that I would order first, so she told me what she wanted and I ordered for her. I started eating as she STILL wasn’t here and I was very hungry.When she arrived, it was 13:15she told me off for eating, but I told her off for poor planning. AITA? | WIBTA if I told my friend off for being an hour late? | NTA |
10tohcp | I (41m) was about to have a birthday last weekend. My roommate (39f, also my ex btw) mentioned getting a beer or two at the local bar just a few blocks from my house to celebrate. I have to admit, since my father passed recently I've probably been a bit melancholy over my approaching birthday. It's my first time with no living parents, so i ended up accepting. Honestly, I tried to postpone it just before we left lol. This is what happened...6:30 We got there, ordered some drinks and some nachos and we're having a good ol time BSing. 7:00 Suddenly, some of my friends started showing up and then a few more. I was happily surprised! They all explained to me that the night before, they were invited to meet at 7:00 by my (ex SIL, ex's sister) who I'm very close to. But then the million dollar question...Where is (ex SIL)? One of my friends had called her before hand and she was "on her way", but that was an hour ago. 7:30 Roommate called and was told she was "driving there right now". 8:00 Roommate calls again and "they're close". We all had a nice time chatting and catching up, ordering food, everyone was buying me free drinks, ect. Well guys, 8:30 rolls around and my friends who all had previous engagements, which I knew btw, had started wrapping things up. I thought it was nice they were able to make the time to "surprise me" on such short notice to begin with. 8:45 (ex SIL) shows up with her new Husband and one of their buddies as I'm walking the last of my friends to their car. She said "everyone is leaving, thought they'd hang out a few hours at least", I said "they did". So she's gonna make up for it by ordering food and drinks. 9:00 I opened my gifts she brought. I enjoyed them and found them to be my personal taste which was very thoughtful. She took this to be a photo opportunity as she often does and I had a great time talking with her husband and their buddy, while trading her phone back and forth so photos could be taken.9:15 Her teenage son called, said he heard a noise and was scared. So she abruptly leaves with everyone she brought in tow. Her son (14, on the football team, is a foot taller, and 100 pounds heavier than me) does this a lot to get attention and it's usually handled with a lot less urgency. I was just sitting there alone with my roommate at a huge empty table.. I was kinda dumbfounded. I feel like l inconvenienced my friends, who I do see frequently, for her internet cred. She posted all the pics that same night with sappy text next to them. She was barely there that night! I frankly would have been just as happy watching travel stuff on YouTube and having a whiskey soda.I've told mutual friends I thought this was shitty. Some of them think I'm an ungrateful AH for not liking free drinks and presents. I think I might be an AH for not keeping it to myself knowing she knows what I think now. AITA?TL DR (ex SIL) sets up an impromptu surprise party, shows up late, arrives when everyone is gone and then leaves shortly after she gets thereEdit- Some clarification on her son. He does things like this very often when he's trying to get out of doing chores (like omg your ok, I guess it's fine you didn't clean your room)or when she goes out and he feels like he's being left out. He didn't call 911, he called his tiny mom. Only mentioned his size because of thisUpdate - if anyone caresMy roommate is just home after a weekend with her bf. She told me her sister (ex SIL) had invited herself to dinner with them and then didn't show up... Not sure what to make of this | AITA for being "ungrateful" for my Birthday Party? | YTA |
10tl5ba | For some background, my cousin and his GF are former addicts. They have been clean for a decade but couldn't ever get out of the places they were when they were addicts. They both felt unsafe living there and I also needed some help dealing with chores as I'm moderately disabled. I did not really know his GF too well but my cousin and I were practically brothers growing up (as my mom was the only one in the family that ever helped him when he was getting clean).When I asked him to move in, he did mention that he wanted to leave his GF behind. However, when he moved in, she was there. We lived together for 2 years and, while I would probably describe their relationship as toxic at best (mostly due to issues with her), she did decide to get help for her emotional problems and came back an entirely different person.My cousin, meanwhile, started to change after she got help. At first he was glad that he had "the real her back" but he started to act completely out of character for himself. Angry, combative, mean... also stopped eating anything except berries and lost at least 50 lbs over the course of a few months.Him and I had a big argument and that, along with his (once again) deteriorating relationship with his GF, caused him to move out. I didn't kick him out. I also said I would not kick HER out, despite him telling me to. Also, ex is in quotes because he will text her telling her how much he loves her one day then the next he'll say she's an evil woman who ruined his life.Anyway, since he's left, he's relapsed and blames me because I "chose her over him".While I didn't know his GF much before we moved in together, we became good friends and she has absolutely no family whatsoever. I can't kick her out on the street. I don't want to even.But I feel awful because he was like my brother and clearly having some sort of mental crisis regarding her.AITA for not kicking her out leading to my cousin leaving and eventually relapsing? | AITA for choosing my cousin's "ex" over him? | NTA |
10thueo | Background: My “best friend” and I have not been really talking lately as we’ve been hanging out with other friends. However, we’re still “friends”. I put the “best friend” in inverted commas because I have actually been trying to cut her out of my life because she’s been really toxic the whole time I’ve known her. I’ve actually really grown to hate her.Situation: last night, after I fell asleep, my best friend posted to her WhatsApp status that she’s been really depressed lately and she was in a really bad way. I saw the status updates this morning but I didn’t reply. I noticed a message from a mutual friend from last night expressing that she didn’t think my best friend was okay. I didn’t reply. Instead, I got ready for my day and didn’t think much of it. In the past couple of hours, I’ve been called a bad friend, some people have expressed their anger towards me and even called me a bitch. I think it’s weird that I’m expected to support her when she was never there for me.So Reddit, AITA for not making sure she was okay? | AITA for not checking up on my “best friend”? | NTA |
10tp6vg | So this morning I was going to head out the door for an appointment, but as I was getting dressed and going to catch my bus (I do not drive), I gave my boyfriend a kiss on the head since he was still sleeping. (He is sick at the moment and just slept like 17 hours). I accidentally woke him by kissing him on the forehead and saying I love you. He sat up and asked where I was going. And I said “I need to catch my bus in 10 mins, I’m going to my appointment”, he got up out of bed, and I said “well do you think you could drive me and we could go get groceries?” Since we were going that day anyways at some point for groceries. He said yes. My appointments usually last about 30 mins, but this time it went an hour longer than expected. I never knew it would go over 30 mins, so he sat in the car to wait. He got fed up and went to go get food while he was waiting. I came out to the car and I kept repeating “I’m sorry it took so long I had no idea” and he said “it’s fine. It’s not your fault”. I then asked “can I have a bite of your food?” And he said “no I’m starving”.. we went to go get groceries & came back out to the car, and he randomly got upset and said “you really are just like your mother.. you asked me for a bite of my food when I was starving and you woke me up to drive you somewhere when I’m sick” and I explained I didn’t mean to wake him up, and that I was just kissing his forehead before I left like he always does when he leaves in the morning. Then the whole way home was silent. he is comparing me to my mom that was upset texting me last night that my dad was not paying enough attention to her because he’s always with my grandma since my grandpa just passed away, and my grandma needs company. As much as I love my mom, she is very selfish. Am I the asshole for asking for a ride & not realizing it would take so long? Am I the asshole because I asked for a bite of food??? Am I the asshole for accidentally waking him up from a kiss? I just feel so upset he would even compare me to my mom. He tried to apologize and I just said I didn’t want to talk at the moment because I am insanely upset & angry | AITA: I feel very hurt by my bf comment | NTA |
10to4cv | Me (M23), Bruce (M23), Larry (M23) and Mary (F23) went on a two-day trip I organized. We stayed at a bedroom I rent in a house. It's the first time we do something like this. For day two the plan was to go to a volcano, visit an old building (tourist attraction), visit a forest park, and then head to the apartment. I woke up everyone early because the bus to the volcano parted at 8 and the only other bus there was at 12. I warned Larry not to make breakfast and instead eat something on the road because of how little time we had. He didn't listen and we missed the first bus. We waited an hour to take a different bus to the old building instead. We had a good time at that place, and at 12 we took the bus to the volcano. On the bus we find out we needed to a reservation to enter, which was a surprise to everyone, even the other tourist on the bus. We canceled the visit, leave the bus in the middle of nowhere, and contacted a taxi to take us to the forest, which was expensive. We had wasted so much time we could only stay an hour in the forest. The bus back to the apartment leaved at 4. We hadn't eaten lunch at this point. I proposed to walk there, to which everyone agreed. As we head down the mountain, we realize we were barely going to make it, so I quicken my step thinking that if I made it in time, I could retain the bus for a couple of minutes until the rest got there. Midway there, I realized Larry did the same, and we had left Bruce and Mary a few kilometers behind. There wasn't any signal on our phones, so we couldn't communicate, but once a call went thru, Mary told us to take the bus without them because they had stopped to eat so they weren't going to make it. Once our phones had signal, we received angry text from Bruce. Larry and I eat at the house, and then started to get everything ready to leave. When Bruce and Mary arrived they didn't complain to us, but I still tried to explain why we had done what we did.Once we were ready to leave, Mary called an Uber. Before closing my room, I gave it a final check, and realize my cooking pot was missing. I all over the place until I finally found it, but the Uber still had to wait for like 8 minutes outside.Even though things didn't go according to plan, I though everyone had enjoyed it, until a few days later Bruce informed us that Mary was very mad at both me and Larry, and that she even said she didn't consider us her friends anymore.We only realized she was mad because Bruce told us (she didn’t talk to us) so we didn't even have a chance to apologies for what had made her mad. On the trip back she didn't show any signs of being angry and treated us normally.Both Larry and I recognize we did some things wrong, but she is cutting an 8 yearlong friendship without even giving us the chance to apologize. Bruce told us he was angry at the moment, but that he didn't hold any grudge and that he tried to convince her to talk to us. | AITA for leaving my friends behind in the middle of nowhere? | NTA |
10tqr9z | Ok so me (26F), my girlfriend Pauline (33F) and my girlfriend's girlfriend Lindsay (36F) (we're polyamorous) went to a Denny's. Lindsay thought the waitress was cute, and is a shy type, so word for word this is what I said: "Okay, so two things. One, my friend here thinks you're cute. And two, could we get a couple extra pancakes to go?" Lindsay turned red, trying her best to hide her face in her hair (smiling, though in embarrassment or anxiety I am not sure), the waitress didn't seem bothered, joking that I've made her turn beet red, and me and Pauline were having a good giggle. Afterwards, I told the waitress that I was sorry if I overstepped boundaries when I went up to her to ask for some extra syrup, and she said something along the lines of 'it's okay I've had worse'. I feel like I was an asshole here... Please let me know what the decorum might be, or if I should just not mention anything at all when I or any of my party think waitstaff are cute. Thank you. | AITA for telling a waitress my friend thinks she's cute | YTA |
10tv08v | \--I am using the word "They/Them" simply to not gender the person as since they might be reading this.--Using a throwaway since my friend is also a reddit nerd. So for a long time, I been good friends with this person. Essentially since high school until not in our 40s. Even during COVID we always kept a good amount of communication through social apps and when restrictions were clear, we began to hang out again as well with other friends. Would at least see each other once a week or if things got busy once a month. Still communicating. However they picked up a habit of streaming and has gotten a rather mediocre following in which he plays with chatters. They chosen to ignore my requests to hang out in order to stream. So those weekly hangouts became monthly, then every 2 months then nothing at all for almost 6 months. They know my days off and know they can reach me to say "hey do you want to hang out?". Our usual social app communication through texting/phone calls became even more rare. Sometimes flat out ignoring me when I asked how they are doing.​So while ignoring me essentially every which way, I always tell them "listen if you want to hang out, just reach out to me". I would get confirmation with a "sure will do". Then on those rare moments where I have days off or there was a social gathering, I would not get invited to those. We have the same circle of friends so it becomes even more irritating that I am not included. How do I know? Because they all stream hanging out. We usually hang out together, all joining the stream in person. Those days seem long and gone now. So I decided to ghost them. Last week, they text me asking why I stopped texting them. I told them that I saw them stream on several days on days off that I am off and was never invited. They got offended that "wow you are such a stalker. Looks like you need time off. Will talk to you later".​AITA for using streaming to see what they are up too? Their schedule is the same and they always stream the same days. So it isn't like it is hard to guess. They feel "stalked" and offended that I used that in order to find out what they are doing. I feel like I am being excluded out and unsure how to word this properly to not ruin a friendship. | AITA For Streaming Sniping To Find Out I Am Not Being Invited To Social Gatherings? | NTA |
10tdlxt | I’m in my late twenties (f) my friend is late thirties (m). He has a kid under 10 with a difficult on again off again baby mother. When he got kicked out of the house I let him stay in the spare room in the flat I rent. He stayed the first month free and then a majorly discounted rate afterwards for the 6 months he lived with me, till he moved down south for work. He stopped paying after a few months of staying with me because of money issues and a 5 months since he moved out, he still owed me over £700. When he moved away it got to the point where I wouldn’t hear from him until he wanted to borrow the flat to come up and see his kid or his new girlfriend. I’d always let him, at times having the kid stay at the flat with him, and me and my boyfriend, so he didn’t have to see his ex. Christmas time came and because of seasonal work his girlfriend (early 20s) stayed with me, I’m mates with her too. When he started to visit again he wouldn’t always let me know when he was coming and going from the flat and could be messy. He was like this when he lived with me but it had gotten worse. Sometimes when I told him I was coming back for lunch, he’d be in the living room, mess everywhere, room full of vape smoke trying to have a sleep and giving me looks whenever I was making noise making my lunch. It got to the point where I felt uncomfortable not knowing the comings and goings of my flat, I didn’t know what to expect when I got home, it felt like I couldn’t relax and he wasn’t changing. He called me strict and unfair and I said if he couldn’t respect it then he wasn’t welcome to stay anymore. I felt bad because his girlfriend was paying me rent for the seasonal period and was a great housemate, she said he understood the situation.He then paid for a hotel a couple of times when he next came to visit to see his girlfriend. He messaged me a couple of weeks later changing his tune because he wanted to stay at the flat again. He’d paid £50 towards the outstanding rent as a peace offering, he said he’d try to improve. I stood my ground and said I needed more time. His girlfriend’s colleagues ended up banding together to pay for a hotel room for them, at like £40, for new years so they could spend it together as he said he couldn’t keep visiting her because it was costing too much.AITA for making my friend pay for a hotel because I didn’t want him staying at my flat? As a side note, its recently turned out that he’d been having sex his baby mother a few times throughout the last year. When I tried to confront him about the lying and cheating he’s just kept bringing up instead how horrible I was over Christmas. That he’s made mistakes but I’m the bad guy because I wouldn’t let him stay with his girlfriend in the flat and that friends just wouldn’t do what I did…**Edit: The girlfriend knows about the cheating, the baby mother found her online and that’s how we found out about what he’d been doing, the girlfriend is currently choosing to stay with him. It’s hard to stay supportive with her.** | AITA for making my friend pay for a hotel because I didn’t want him staying at my flat? | NTA |
10tt6ug | So for background there is me (20m), my father (40m), my mother (39fm) and then my little brother (13m) we all live in a apartment togetherAs a kid my mom and I were quite close and we developed a tight-knit relationship due to her manipulating me to think my father is a scumbag (They are still together). She has turned my way of thinking into watching my dad to ensure he doesn't fuck up or upset her or hit her (he never has). So ever since I was a kid I've been severely mentally manipulated by her but during my late teens I started to understand get the full perspective My father was not abusive nor a asshole or a fuck up he was a supporting father who worked long hours to care for his sons and family. So since my father continues to work long hours to support our rent you would think my mother would support him with that endeavor like cleaning our making sure everything is looking good or maybe even relieving some pressure and also putting in hours but not really, no. At maximum my mother works 10 hours a week cashiering whilst my father works around 100 hours a week cleaning and serving foodwhich is insane. Now I work around 40 hours a week in a very busy kitchen space which is quite stressful and is heavy handed at times. My father and I pay the bills and groceries,, I pay my extra bills as well plus my food and mother buys useless items to decorate the apartment. So that's some background to kind of understand our situation. Recently my mother has been just sitting on the couch gaming constantly with my little brother. Nothing around the house is clean she contributes nothing to the rent and all she does is complain about how the house looks and about gaming and how things need to be done, mind you my father and I are the main targets of this "get shit done" ordering around. I decided to speak up about her behavior and she immediately redirected it towards me and my little brother and her decided to harass me off the gaming console and constantly scream at me in my face about how it's none of my business. I just left the house to get some air but AITA for outing my mom and speaking up to get it together, I mean I understand I need to move out still as I'm saving up for a car but I'm also helping my dad with all the bills and whatnot whilst my mother and brother are antagonizing him/us. | AITA for outing my mother on her laziness? | NTA |
10tpg8b | My fiancé (30sM) and I (30sF) are getting married soon. We’re keeping it extremely low-key, basically one step above just going to the courthouse to do it. We’re doing that for a few reasons, the most important being 1) I have never wanted a big wedding and we both don’t want to spend the money on one (we’d be funding it), and 2) my mother is recovering from a stroke and suffering from some other neurological issues and we don’t want to overwhelm her.So for these reasons and more, we’re getting married very close to my family and keeping it to immediate family only. If we opened it up to extended family, the size of the whole thing would immediately quadruple, and we are literally just planning on doing the ‘ceremony’ in the back yard of an Airbnb so it hardly seems worth it for them to fly all the way out for (and we’d also suddenly have to coordinate hotels, a venue, catering, etc — all the things we’re trying to avoid). We’re going to plan a reception a few months later in his family’s home state and invite all of his extended family to that. That’ll give them and us a chance to celebrate together without them having to travel out of state. Many of them are elderly and wouldn’t be able to travel easily. However, there’s one exception to the immediate family only rule. We want to invite my fiancé’s godmother, who’s also his aunt, to the wedding ceremony. They’re extremely close and I think it would feel like we’re missing something by not having her there. Also, I think we kind of already disappointed his mom a bit by having such a small ceremony because my fiancé‘s extended family is pretty close and I feel like I’m depriving them of seeing their beloved nephew get married. This aunt is his mom’s sister—she is very close to my fiancé’s mom and never had kids of her own so my fiancé is basically like a son to her too. Would we be assholes for inviting her, given she’s the godmother? He was thinking of sending an email to the rest of the family explaining the situation (immediate family + god parents - he would invite his godfather too if he was still alive) and that we’ll celebrate with them in their home state later in the year. I don’t want the rest of the family to be offended that this one aunt is going while they’re not invited, and I know at least one aunt will indeed be offended. Would she be right to be offended? Is this an asshole move? | WIBTA for inviting one aunt to my wedding but excluding any other extended family? | NTA |
10td7v6 | On the way to the beer store I called the Wife and asked how many six packs I should buy for the night. The conclusion is that we should get 2x six packs - In her words "We'll split one, and save the other for tomorrow" . I then bought them and when I got home put one in the fridge and one on the counter (I like them cold and she does not) and brought us over one beer each. Later she gets up to bring us another one each and is irritated that we are not indeed sharing a six pack. I explain that we can have 3 each out of the respective packs and have the same amount left over for tomorrow as per the plan. With the sole exception that I get cold ones, and she gets warm ones. Apparently I am wrong because somehow 2x(1/2) a six pack Does not equal 1x six pack. Is this not equivalent? Is she justified for flying off the handle at this or am I the asshole? | AITA The missus and I had a disagreement about Beer | NTA |
10tq4ck | I (22F) am graduating university this May. I'll be moving to another part of my country for a postgrad program in September. My current university is 3 hours away from my dad's (50M) house. I have spent the last two summers in my university town, one working and one doing a summer semester. This was partially because my family can be quite dramatic, and for mental health reasons I prefer to have some space, but they don't know that. Dad didn't approve of the summer semester, and felt I should be working full time.For the summer months, I was planning on continuing to work my part time job at a local small business while splitting rent for a small apartment with my partner (21M). The schedule there is flexible enough that I could take time off to go find apartments in my new city, and I could resign whenever I wanted to do the move instead of being stuck with a set completion date. Also, at this point my partner and I are still waiting to hear back from postgrad programs, and if it turns out we need to do long distance during the school year I would like to spend time with him during the summer. However, yesterday my manager told me that the business will be closing in the near future, so I need a new plan.I told this to my father, and lamented that this meant I have to find a full time summer job either at home or in my university town. He suggested that I just plan on coming home and working part time at a restaurant or grocery store, as (in his words) "you could have a part time job tomorrow, they're all desperate". The thing is, the last summer I was home, I tried to apply for these part time jobs and almost never heard back. It was only once I got an interview somewhere that I knew why: employers were deterred from hiring me knowing that I would be leaving soon to go back to school. I experienced the same thing last summer as I looked for part time work while I took my summer term, and was even passed over once for the job I currently have. So, I told him that I couldn't rely on that, as nobody wants to hire a student who can only commit for three months. This made my father surprisingly upset. He started ranting that I have an extremely poor attitude, I was making poor financial decisions, and that the reason nobody was hiring me is because I was being so negative and letting my mind get in the way. I tried to explain my previous experiences, how I felt I would have better luck getting a full time seasonal position, and that I would still apply for part time things, but he just said he can't talk to me like this and that he can't beat my mind. This, on top of finding out I was losing my job, was incredibly overwhelming. I vented to my partner when I got home, and he says I just shouldn't have told Dad because he only wants me to live at home. But is my attitude really that bad? Reddit, AITA for thinking I probably won't be hired for a standard part time job? | AITA for saying nobody wants to hire a student who can only commit for three months? | NTA |
10towj6 | One of my [M] closest friends [M] just got engaged. We haven't known each other for too long in the scheme of things (~12 years) but we have been through a lot together. We shared a lot about life and how we view things. One of those discussions centered around marriage. His parents are divorced, mine are separated but not officially divorced. We're both anti-establishment in some ways and could not understand why two people can't be together forever without going through this process we call marriage -- both the official aspect of why the government needs to get involved in granting permission, and also the social aspect of why you need to put on this show. It's not like the bride and groom get to spend time with their guests much. I always hated going to weddings anyway and decided I'm not going to any more for the rest of my life. I shared this viewpoint with him (and pretty much everyone else in my life) and made it clear that there would be no exceptions. This was years and years ago. The last wedding I went to was around 2011 and now that I think about it, it was before I met him. I have not been to a single wedding since becoming friends with him.He started dating this girl about three years ago and got immediately smitten. She wants kids. If staying together with her means having kids, then he's going to have kids. Both of their families are very religious and conservative (GA and AL families) so having a child without being married is simply not acceptable. They are independent adults but there's the reality of appeasing the families. Therefore, they are now engaged as of last month. They're going to try to fast track the wedding so that they can get going on conception ASAP.My friend did not directly ask me but he did try to indirectly float the idea of me attending his wedding. I shut it down right away. Don't get me wrong, I do support them being together. After three years I think I can say I know his fiance fairly well now, and they make a great couple, would make great parents, and I do sincerely wish that they would stay together forever. In many ways, she is the best thing that happened to my friend. It simply is that I absolutely hate attending weddings. He then said how her closest friends will be in the party and it would mean a lot to him and also for her for me to be in his party. I responded by saying it would mean a lot to me to not do any of that. He then asked if I would just attend as a guest. I shut that down too.We haven't spoken about it since. I do have this sense that as their wedding planning kicks into gear, it's going to come up again. And I will refuse again. At this point I would feel like he's being unreasonable disrespecting my wishes I clearly indicated before he even knew this girl existed. AITA?edit: there are reasons I dislike weddings beyond my personal disapproval of it. it takes more than just a couple hours especially if the wedding is happening in a different state (in this case TN and I'm in NV), there are too many people and it dials up my social anxiety to 11. as for the 12 years thing, I said that because there are people I have known for much longer (going back to elementary school so that's like 30 years) and I didn't go to their weddings either but we still hang. | AITA for refusing to go to a friend's wedding? | YTA |
10tr633 | I (18F) and my best friend (17F) have been friends for almost a year now. We are almost like platonic soulmates and know everything about each other. We are basically the same person, but aren't. I am a lesbian/nonbinary, she is a straight female who has her fair share of female crushes. She is also dating her boyfriend (17M). I'm gonna name them "Hannah" and "Ryan". Not using real names.Hannah and Ryan have been dating for almost 1 year and 2 months. I never truly liked Ryan because I didn't know him well, but I also liked him because he made Hannah happy. But not in a good way. They haven't kissed and just now started going on dates and holding hands. I get going slow, but Hannah wants more from Ryan.They were both raised in strict, religious households, but Ryan doesn't have any social media and doesn't even have permission to watch youtube. Hannah is allowed social media, her parents are just semi-strict religious parents.But it feels like every month there was a problem they had. And just now, Ryan is starting to pick up things she's been hinting for a YEAR.I get both ways, but I keep telling Hannah that I don't think Ryan wants a relationship. She's had to push him for anything and he doesn't even have a good relationship he's seen to try and be a boyfriend to Hannah.Ryan has hid things from her that she had to hear from Ryan's mother. Ryan is an AP kid who is focused on school and college and a job. He barely has time for her. I think Hannah is being disrespected.I understand where they're both coming from because they've both talked to me about their lives.I am becoming distant from Hannah because I believe she's being treated unfair. I tried to warn her, but I don't want to se her get hurt and I don't want to continue to be a friend towards someone.Also, I was in a relationship and it was EXACTLY like Hannah and Ryan's. Hannah had her opinions about mine and I gladly got out of my toxic relationship. But now I see Hannah and Ryan's becoming my old ones, but don't want to tell her to break up because this is her first relationship.AITA for being distant from her and not trying to be her friend or is their any solutions I can make?​ALSO, I've talked to her, she just says "I don't want to leave him, I'll become depressed" I just don't want to see her hurt.​EDIT: i wanna make this quick edit. I forgot to add. Hannah and I were super close, but when she started dating Ryan she completely pushed me away. And then when things got rough, came back to ME only in times to text me about how he did something and how she wanted to break up with him. I told her to break up with him and that I thought he was toxic. Not only did I say it, but 10 OTHER PEOPLE told her. But she says he's just "not used to relationships". She only hung out with me when she wanted to complain about him. I don't think its toxic, I now toxic, I just think them together is toxic because he doesn't care about her and when we try and tell her to leave him and I will be there for her when she does, but she won't because she doesn't want to be sad even though she's sad now. I've tried being there for her, I just have my own school and mental things and want a friend who wants to be friends with me, not just complain to me and when I try to help tells me I'm wrong. And also says everyone else is wrong as well.​Another edit: sorry, i'm truly trying to find peace between my friend and i. i want to add i just want her to be happy, but she knows ryan doesn't like her. a text from 6 months ago, she texted her saying "i don't want to be in relationship, i'm focused on school." and they had a big fight. ryan barely notices her and doesn't even text her. when she tried to bring something up to her, he ignored her for a week then sent a "good morning" text a week later.i am STILL with my friend and should've put "WIBTA" not "AITA", i just want to know how to fix this because we are kids and i just want to graduate with no drama. her grades are falling and i just want her to be happy. she was never there for me, so i tried being their for her and tried to make ryan look good, but some friends have evidence that he isn't the best. i don't just "wanna be her friend again" i want my friend who was happy and cheerful back, not someone who rants to me, ask for help then when i try to help like "text him about this" she says he wont listen. i only just now started sharing the "maybe it's time to talk to him about important things and what you two want", but other friends have tried too or tried to talk to both of them. she continues to text him even though he ghost her. i try to invite her places to get her mind off of it, but she says she's waiting for ryan. i usually leave it alone, but i can't PUSH her to hang out with our friends.i'm not really trying to figure out if someone is an AH, it just sort of helps me figure this out. | AITA For Being Distant Towards My Friend? | YTA |
10uipyr | I (NB24) commented on a fic that while I love darkfic and while I respected the sufficient warning and while it was technically well written, it seemed needlessly cruel without an actual purpose or theme for the reader to interpret, and that I didn't get the point of the story, and that it missed the mark entirely. I said it fell flat and that I was really disappointed, because I love the author's other works.The writer called me an asshole for making uncalled-for comments. I think that what I said wasn't rude, just blunt. I don't know how to explain to someone that they did a terrible job without it being an insult, and I think the poor reaction was just because the writer didn't want to hear their fic wasn't good. There wasn't any malice or insults in the comment. Just because something is phrased in a rude way, that doesn't mean it isn't true or doesn't have valid criticism. Hate is of course not OK but it seems that every encapsulation of I Don't Like This is seen as innately negative and rude and I don't get it.Fandom is supposed to be welcoming, but the inability to leave honest comments is a form of censorship; it's ableism to police comments as only being allowed when written in an NT manner. I think there needs to be more leeway for people who can't express themselves in a stereotypical, NT customer-service rep way. I think everyone should be more lenient when interpreting comments on their works - why frame everything that isn't literally coddling, overprotective, and humoring as hate? Not being able to leave honest comments is actively exclusive of people who struggle with tone and I don't think ND people should have to learn to fix ourselves to be accepted.The author didn't even address any of the valid points I made, just yelled at me for saying it in the wrong way instead of coddling their feelings. My friends agree with me that they were ableist for being rude to me and not being accepting of my struggle with tone, but they deleted my comment. Am I really an asshole for wanting writers to be a little more reasonable and tolerant of the tonal quality of comments on fics? | AITA for leaving feedback on a fic? | YTA |
10tr021 | 25M, youngest of 4 siblings.Grew up in a mildly toxic background where parents divorced, a lot of interpersonal drama between my mother and relatives/partners (we were thrown out by my mother's former partner in the middle of the night several times and technically homeless for short periods), mother having regular outbursts about hating her life and taking it out on me or whoever was around. Relationship with two of my siblings have been contentious growing up. My older sister especially has an attitude problem. At 18 sought to live with my dad as I was tired of my mother breaking down her relationships and causing homelessness. I was studying at college and couldn't get peace at home as my mother had emotional outbursts at her partner because she didn't get her way.Managed to move and had a few years getting to know my dad. Was more stable and was able to focus on securing a job and saving money. Relationship with dad was ok, was emotionally dismissive when I was down but I told myself to suck it up.End of 2020 my dad sold his house to my sister and her family to live with his girlfriend. I was allowed to stay and continue paying board. I forgotten about my poor relationship with my sister and sadly was sorely reminded. I did what I could for her as she was a mother to a daughter. I was happy to share chores, unfortunately it was never to her standard. Even at 30 her attitude never improved and could not take responsibility for her wrongdoing. She several times tried unlocking and opening bathroom door from outside as I was on the toilet. I tell her I am on toliet and proceeds to get stroppy and mopey over telling her not to open the door despite being in a three toilet home. I try setting up boundaries and get treated like I am rude for just briefly saying "Toilet" before she tried to come in. All the little things on her behaviour accelerated my desire to move out and I am now living alone. I avoid my family as to be honest I experienced nothing but misery with them. Half of it was self-affliction on their parts.I am hesitant about finding a partner myself as to be honest I feel damaged and at a point where I perhaps cannot handle even a healthy relationship. I believe emotions have been weaponised within my family to manipulate each other into obligation and don't want to play the game anymore.Just want to be left alone. | AITA for wanting little to do with family | NTA |
10tmwze | Long term long distance best friend, C. I see C maybe three times a decade and the last time I saw them was pre covid. They have two partners who they have been with for several years. Neither myself nor my partner have ever met either of these partners.
My fiance and I drew up two invitation lists ages ago, one with 30 people on it in case of covid restrictions (C was on this list), and one with about 120 people (including both of C’s partners).
Once we found a venue and decided a budget, we had to finalise a list of 90 people. We decided that unless we know somebody well and consider them one of our friends, we wouldn’t invite them.
So all the partners we didn’t know well came off, including some people we HAVE met. We knew that this is against wedding etiquette but it just didn’t feel right to spend £100 per head on people we don’t know at the expense of our loved ones.
I had assumed that people would understand that this was about money, and not a personal thing, so we didn’t consider telling people in advance. In all cases other than C, this assumption has proved correct; no one else has mentioned there being a problem.
I also assumed that C would be more offended by having one partner picked than neither, and we definitely couldn’t afford to invite both.
Invitations arrived this week. One of my other bridesmaids, N, got hers first. N’s partner is our videographer so he is on the invitation but he isn’t quite a guest. N posted a pic of her invite in the group chat. C must have seen this and assumed that partners were invited.
The next day I had a message from C asking for clarification if either of their partners were invited. I explained that we would love to have had them there, but that we couldn’t afford it and that it was just a blanket rule.
C is very upset with me. They said that they felt humiliated not having either partner invited and that I put them in a horrible position when they opened their invite in front of their partners and then had to explain why neither of them were on it.
C has also pointed out that they are disabled and that this should have been considered. We have made sure to choose fully accessible venues. As far as I know, C does not use a wheelchair and they are largely independent, but I should still have discussed this with them.
I have done my best to explain, and I have apologised profusely for the fact that I didn’t mention it in advance. C has said that they don’t want to fight and we are having a productive conversation. C has said that choosing one partner to bring wouldn’t have been a problem and that I should have just asked them about it.
I know I’m stupid for not just talking about it beforehand. I’m willing to change my mind and invite one or both of them to fix this. But I just need some thoughts on whether I was wrong for the decision not to invite them? Is this all on me or is C at fault too for their own assumption? | AITA for not inviting either of my bridesperson’s partners to my wedding? | YTA |
10tyyp4 | I (24 f) had made prior plans with someone for the weekend to study. On the day of, another friend (24 f) invited me to have lunch. Without looking at the commute time, I said okay. After checking the commute, I realized that I would waste almost 2 hours of my day which seemed a lot. I let my same friend know as we were planning for it that it would be far for me and I have work. I gave her other options to meet another day, next weekend or even in the evening after I am done with some work. She straight up told me “don’t come, I am very irritated”. I apologized for not being able to make things work. Called her. She did not pick up and basically won’t talk to me. Am I the asshole in this? | AITA for canceling plans because of work? | YTA |
10tjt4h | For context: I am NB20 & My cousin is M13. We grew up close when he was a baby, he is on the autism spectrum but is high functioning. He was adopted by my grandmother when he was a baby, and she used to watch me and some of the older cousins when we where kids.So, recently I got a switch for Christmas and ever since my cousin has wanted to play video games with me. Minecraft, Pokémon, etc. Whenever I have time I try to play video games with him because I love the little dude, he’s like a little brother more then a little cousin. However; I work full time, go to online school part time, and still try to hangout and spend time with my friends. It’s a struggle for sure, especially when my only days off are Saturday & Sunday. I work 9 to 5 & 12 to 5/8/9 shifts depending on when my manager’s schedule me. So I haven’t been able to really play video games with him, but when I do have some time I end up playing with my friends when he’s not on. Where I think I am the A-Hole is that for the past few days he’s been trying to play games. However; I am either really tired when I get off work or I am already online playing with friends when he gets on. I get up to 5 or 6 missed calls from him every time. My phone is always on silent when I play so I never hear them. He’s been very frustrated and I just don’t know what I am supposed to do. I am hoping that today after I run some errands that I’ll be able to play video games with him, but he his just super upset. My grandmother texted me this morning saying that he didn’t even go do anything fun because “we made plans” to play video games and he thinks I am ignoring him. There where no plans, I said ‘I’ll try to play games with you tomorrow if I am able to when you get on’. I feel bad that he didn’t do anything because he was waiting for me to get on. That’s why I feel a little bit like the A-Hole. So, I am I the A-Hole for not playing video games with my little cousin? | AITA for not playing video games with my younger cousin? | NTA |
10smvaa | My (29F) family has always shown favouritism towards my younger sister and brother’s partners. They treat them like family but don't hide their dislike of the partners I've had. Recently my family have been planning a trip to korea this summer. We will be visiting my grandmother’s hometown as well as visiting other areas.The problem comes with the fact that both my sister’s (22F) boyfriend (23F) and my brother’s (26M) boyfriend (24M) have been invited to join us, however they haven't extended that invitation to my boyfriend (29M). When I brought this up my mother told me it's because he's not a long term partner. Which I call bullshit on, yes my siblings have been with their partners longer (sister 4 years, brother 5 years) but I've still been with my bf for just over a year.Personally I think it's a race thing. My sister’s bf is also Korean and my brother’s bf is Thai, while my bf is white. My family denies this and my grandmother says it's because he's disrespectful. The thing is he isn't, me and my siblings are all second generation immigrants and I just never took much interest in Korean culture, they however became obsessed with it at a young age. I just didn't engage much. Since it's not that important to me I never told my bf about any customs or what is and isn't appropriate to them. He's kind and nice to them, its just that he's not Korean or even Asian.I kept pushing to bring him and I kept being told no, so I said that if he isn't coming then I'm not either. Which very much hurt my family, family is important to them. I've had some time to cool off and I feel bad for hurting my family but i proud of myself for standing my ground, but I'm conflicted, so AITA? | AITA for refusing to come with my family on vacation if my bf isn't invited? | YTA |
10to29a | The most important piece of context you need for this story is that I (19M) am an animation student. I saved up to get a graphics tablet and my own pc, and it's proved an invaluable asset in my time at uni. Without this setup, to get any of my work done, I'd need to take a 30 minute bus ride down to my campus, and hope and pray that the animation suite wasn't booked out for a lecture - they don't publish that information online. I'm only on campus three days a week - going more would add an extra £14 to my weekly costs, which when I have medication and software subscriptions to pay for, isn't exactly ideal. In addition, I take commissions, some of which are of the uh.. *naughty variety*, which would *really* awkward to work on in a busy classroom setting. In short, working on my own PC saves me money and time and is more comfortable as a whole. My friends and I applied to live in uni halls again next year, as most good private accoms had been snatched up already. Only two of us have gotten our accomodation offers so far, and although we were placed together, I had a huge issue with the *desk*, which was attached to the wall in the corner of the already small room, making it a triangle shape that I knew on immediate glance would *not* fit my monitor, keyboard and graphics tablet. This was an absolute dealbreaker in my eyes.I, on impulse, asked the accomodation team if I could move to the first type of room I requested, which was the same as my current uni room - even if that meant not living with my selected people. My other friend who also recieved a room offer agreed that it wasn't ideal and sympathised with my decision to request another room. I'm yet to recieve a response because it's the weekend, but I'm beginning to think that this may have been an asshole move. My boyfriend and I have only been together for four months, and he wanted to live in the same flat as me. I agreed to this, but upon reflection, I'm not quite ready to *fully* live with him. I'm introverted, and I've never been in a relationship before, and I think putting a bit of space between us is something I need right now. It's a very "it's not him, it's me" type of situation. We'll still be in the same student village, it'll be a 2 minute walk to see him at the *most*. He has yet to recieve his room offer, so there's no guarantee he's even in the same building yet. We had talks about that being a possibility, as we applied rather late, and he said he didn't mind as long as we were closer than we currently were. I love him and I'd love being closer to him, but my social battery runs dry very quickly.TLDR: I requested to change rooms as I felt the small desk in the room wouldn't fit all my animation equipment on it. This will likely result in me not living in the same building as my boyfriend. Am I the asshole for prioritising how efficiently I'm able to do my uni coursework, over living in the same flat as my boyfriend of four months? | AITA for requesting a uni dorm change over a desk - even if it means not being in the same building as my boyfriend? | NTA |
10tmvwx | So I (19/F) am a trainer at a theme park, and sometimes I am scheduled as a “Trainer On Duty” which I basically go around the park and make sure that everyone knows what to do. Especially the new employees. Fast forward to the end of my day, I am supposed to write a recap of my day and send the email to every trainer, supervisor, and manager on my team. So this is my first doing this recap and to be fair, they never said how they wanted us to write our recaps. I’ve taken a look at other trainer recaps and they are very minimal in terms of explaining what they did that day. So I decided that I wanted to write a descriptive and clean email that should be easy to read but did take a bit of time to write. I didn’t think too much of it but short after I sent my email, one of our managers replies to my email saying that I did a “fantastic job” and that “all trainers should follow my format.” The next day, I have trainers complaining to me that what I did was too extra and so we come to here. AITA? | AITA for writing an extended recap email that set a new standard for my team? | NTA |